First, a bit about me, and some explanations of terms as I understand them. My name is Edeyn Hannah Blackeney. I am in my early 30s. I am an intersex, transgender, transsexual lesbian. Intersex (IS or I) simply means that I wasn't born entirely male or entirely female. There are a myriad of "conditions" that qualify as intersex, including hermaphroditism (born with genitals that have bits from both male and female). At least one out of every 100 people in the world born are intersex in one way or another, but only maybe one out of every 1000 intersex person will ever even realize it. Transgender (TG or T* or trans) is an umbrella term that simply means, "crossing gender," and includes intersex, transsexual, transvestite, cross dresser, -- anyone who doesn't follow the social norms of totally male or totally female. There are male-to-female and female-to-male people in all the categories, though a lot of times the female-to-male "get away with it" a lot easier because of our society's biases. Transsexual (TS or trans) means and denotes someone that wishes to move from one gender role to the other. I was raised as a boy by parents unaware that I was intersex -- until I had my first period. Then my femaleness and femininity were hidden until college, when I no longer was forced by parents to keep my "secret" and I have lived as a woman ever since. There is much confusion of the TG and TS, due to the fact that both are shortened by folks to "trans" in some usage. There are three "basic categories" of transsexual generally accepted: Pre-op - meaning they have yet to have the Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS), and usually used to mean someone already living full time in their destination gender role, just waiting on the waiting list and/or finances to, "become complete," so to speak. Post-op - meaning a transsexual who has already had the final surgeries to make them as physically close to being the gender of the gender role right for them as medical science can make it. Non-op - is the relatively small group of transsexuals that are living in the gender role they desire and is right for them, but never plan on having "the surgery" at all. This group would include me, by the way. Whether it's a personal objection, fear, squeamishness, or even just plain being satisfied with being accepted as you are; there are about as many reasons for not having the GRS as there are people in this category. Crossdresser (CD) and transvestite (TV) are sometimes used interchangeably, as the definition between them blurs. The vast majority of both categories are heterosexual that enjoy wearing the clothing of the "other" gender. In general, it is accepted that transvestites get a sexual thrill of some sort from wearing the clothing of the other gender role and so could be classified as a fetish. It is also accepted that crossdressers (or cross dressers or cross-dressers -- it's written in many ways) do not get a sexual thrill. It's described as the way they like to relax, they feel comfortable, a vacation from oneself, etc. Many of both CD and TV are happily married and/or have children, and have no thoughts of ever permanently wanting to be the other gender role, they just enjoy looking and/or feeling like the other gender role as a release. There are other "categories" but really, I'm sure you've spent a lot of time the past three months reading everything you could lay your hands or computer on about the topic.

How can it affect a person, to live a whole lifetime keeping TS a secret?

Badly. Horribly. But all too common. Fear motivates us to keep it hidden, due to the reactions of our society around us. Different types of fear. Fear of being beaten up. Fear of losing our careers. Fear of being killed for being who we are. Fear that our family and friends will abandon us. The list is nigh-infinite. Think about not only hiding something, but having an ever-present fear that someone-somewhere-somehow-sometime might discover it and... Let me try an analogy. Let's say, for example, that you (Linda) preferred hugs to handshakes, in every situation. Our society doesn't approve of what's considered familiarity to the point of intimacy in public a lot, let alone between someone you've just met or a business-only associate. So you would hide your hugginess. Living your entire life sourly accepting a handshake instead of your wanted -- and needed(!) -- hug from people. It would begin to take a toll on you emotionally, but you notice and put forth the façade that you're fine with the arrangement. Indeed, you may even begin to shun hugs completely for fear that someone might notice the enjoyment and relief you experienced. This would add to the terribleness of your secret. And you keep this secret your entire life, living as someone you're not. Oh, you indulge your hugginess in private, but only when you're completely certain that no one you know will find out. Now, that may seem like a silly example, but it's both accurate and something most can relate to.

What is the connection between TV and TS?

I think I covered this in the intro part. Most people that don't deal with either much confuse the two, partly due to misunderstanding, and partly due to their own fear of the unknown. Unknown why someone would want to do it, for example. It's human nature to fear the unknown. The media (movies and television, especially) have not helped define this, as in attempting to be more "real" provide characters that confuse them as an average person would. This leads to people believing that the misunderstanding is correct because, "If it's on teevee, it MUST be true!"

Can TS be caused by environmental influences, or is it thought to be totally inborn?

This is a hotly debated and controversial issue. There are many who believe it is environmental, and thus fight against us in the TG community as having "chosen" to live the way we do. Most in the TG community, however, do NOT see it as a choice. It's something that gets down inside of you and lives there. You may repress it or deny it for a long time, sometimes your entire life, but it's there. I personally believe it's both. Inborn, yes, but if you're never exposed to the idea that you could do it, it'll never "form up" into a desire or personality trait or even a part of you.

Most importantly, what about the high suicide rate?

Yes. Fifty percent, HALF, of all TG attempt suicide. I don't know the numbers that succeed, but even one is too much, don't you think? Being told that our family, our friends, people we love and respect, just WILL NOT accept someone who is "like that" (meaning TG) takes a toll on the psyche. You know you can't change this about yourself, so you hide it until it becomes too heart-breaking to do so anymore... or if you're lucky, you have understanding family and/or friends and they accept you and wonder why you thought you had to hide something so fundamental about yourself.

Doesn't this issue, as much as many others, need to be brought "out of the closet"?

Yes, and there are people trying. Every person that helps does wonders. Help raise awareness of these issues, and there could be dozens... even hundreds... or thousands... of people who realize that there is help to be had.