An incident which occurred tonite has made me realize that my priorities are way out of whack. My best pal, my housemate, the one person on this planet who knows me better than I know myself, called me, crying, feeling deserted and alone, and unloved. She was out driving at the time because she felt the need to be alone by choice, instead of an enforced aloneness caused by someone dumping her...again. I begged her to pull over and stop, and she complied, thus removing some of my sudden anxiety. But.

It made me really think...about my life, about the things and the people I consider to be important. I have spent WAY too much time on this computer, and WAY too little time with her and her daughter, my Goddaughter. That is about to change.

With all that has happened to me and for me, over the last several months, or even the last several years, one thing has been constant...always there for me, always with a kind word, or a hug, or even just a smile when I desperately needed one. My housemate, my pal, Tina, and I have given her short shrift. She has been more family to me than my birth family, even before my RLT.

So. As of this night, I am suspending some of my online activities, or restricting them to specified nights. With the exception of work, the rest of my time is going to be spent renewing our 16 year relationship, something I've neglected badly since I got a computer.

Yes, I am in love with Ariel and I will certainly be investing considerable online time in that direction, but this night brought me up by the short and curlies and made me realize that I have been taking Tina for granted. No more! Tina and I have been there for one another through the worst and best of times, and I want, I need, to return to the closeness we once had, that has fallen by the wayside, both for myself, and for Tina.

While I regret that this decision will limit my chats with some who have come to be dear friends, It has to be this way. When I've needed reassurance, Tina gave it to me. I intend to return it, in kind, to her. Naturally there are going to be times when both Tina and I will need 'alone time' and those times will augment my online presence.

It is my hope that all of you will understand what I need to, have to do, and accept it for what it is. Not an abandonment of you, but a re-affirmation of friendship and closeness to my best bud. I know what it's like to be, or to feel neglected, unwanted, unloved and I refuse to allow her to foster those feelings. A 16 year platonic relationship is worth whatever I can do to renew it.

No, I will not neglect the growing relationship between Ariel and myself. That is my future, my love, my life, and she will receive no less attention from me. It's too important...for both of us. Ariel owns my heart, now and forever. There will never be a time when she will ever have need to doubt that...but...Tina also owns a piece of my heart, a part hard won by her through her steadfast support of me, especially now, in my RLT, and I hope Ariel can understand that. Do you, hon? I hope so.

Sorry to go on and on here, but I must explain this so no one will question my re-evaluation of my priorities. I WILL still be here if I am needed by any of you, although it might not be as immediate as it has been. For that, I apologise.

So that's it. I know that you, my online family of choice, will understand and support me during this time of re-adjustment. As has been said, Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter. You all matter to me. I hope I matter to you.

Thank you to everyone who has offered me help, praise, thanks, inspiration and criticism through the years. You have made a huge difference in my life, and I would be very much the poorer for having missed all of you.

May whatever deity you follow, bless you and yours with love, good fortunes, and smooth sailing.

Huggles and love always, from
Catherine Linda Michel