In the last few weeks I came to deal with a major issue in my life : my small amount of friends . As far as I can remember I only had 5-6 friends and one or two really good ones.The problem is that I always feel that in some ways I am never one of the group , even with my friends ( when were around other people) it seems to me like everybody is giving me the odd look.
"The look" have several variations but the common thing is that it always seem to say :" you are weird and we don't really want you here".While some variations of the look are disturbing the worse ones are those i get from friends' friends . Those usually classify to two categories : The first is the pity variations of the looks , those are the looks that seems to say " She is alone here with one friend and thus we will let her hangout with us but we don't really like her " . The second one is the annoyed one that seems to say " Why the heck have X brought her here she is a total pain".
Now I need to say that I never really got where it comes from as I am generally a caring loving person and if someone needs my help I be glad to do , and I never really looked at myself as annoying or the likes.I never hurt anyone , heck I even have a problem with confrontations , and I don't want to annoy anyone its just seem like I do.Now I know , I am a geek and its sometimes repeal people but it seems like people who hang out with my friends ( all geeks on one way or another) never get annoyed by their geekdom . All in all its seems like people seem to have a general dislike of me ,most of them seem to have it without even trying to get to know me.
Know before you go with the 'transgender' thing I talk about transgender/ transgender friendly groups , so if anything it has to do something with my personality (or the way I act)
I know I am probably not the easiest person to be around as even my friend seem to have a limit to how much they can get of me ( well ok me in cretin moods can be very talkative and exited on somethings but really who wouldn't when talking about this cool new sensors I bought for my robot , or my new plushy or positrons-electron issues , They are just too cool ) but I am not that bad.
So why do I bring this thing here : well I am in a place in life when I am eager to make new friends but I never seem to be able to do that, I know that my general shyness and sometime overexcited behavior but still... So I want your thoughts on how to handle this issue and how can a shy geeky girl can make new friends .
A bit of sad thing right now.
Lily.
Comments
Join the club
If you have one or two close friends, you're probably ahead of the game. :) I don't know anyone of a reflective nature who doesn't usually feel like the odd one out in a group. Revel in it, they're just trying to figure out what makes you interesting.
I'm not making light of your feelings, I'm laughing at myself because you did such a good job of describing how I feel most of the time when in a group.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Birds of a Feather
Hiya.
Oh my goodness. You sound exactly like me! I have the exact same problem. I'm a bit shy but have manic moments where people aren't quite sure how to handle me. I've had so many friends drift away or run away. Sometimes I'm not sure which.
Have you read my story, The Friend Shop (author Terry Volkirch)? The main character is patterned after me. I currently have one close male friend and my girl friend (who happens to live 8 time zones from me - long distance relationships are rough).
I wrote The Friend Shop as sort of a cry for help but I don't think anyone took it seriously. Sometimes I'm probably too subtle but that's my shyness talking. *sigh*
Anyway, please feel free to contact me by private message here. I'm always looking for new friends. :)
Hug
- Terry
I can relate
Usually I keep one close friend and a lot of people I just know to say hi to.Procrastination about where to go meet people and a fear of rejection help keep me tethered.The one place I'm going to try hopefully in the near future will be a Unitarian Universalist Church as I'm wanting to feel a part of something. Amy-- "May your pen never run out of ink and your brain out of ideas"
I pray happy for you.
Hey Lilly:
I don't really have much room to talk because, as anyone here can tell you, I am the loudest baby in the delivery ward. :) I have complained much, cried about how hard things are and generally been a pain in the ass.
Lately, however, I think that perhaps my life is turning around. I have started reaching out to people; asking how they are; sometimes even getting nosy and I have discovered that people like to talk about themselves. They are flattered when someone shows some interest in them.
A few of my friends have actually started calling me on my "stuff" and now I am starting to catch on maybe. Hindi and Valintine are always telling me, "it's not about you, Gwen". And, much to my surprise, I have discovered that I really was worrying about it truly being because of something I was or was not.
Maybe it is a process that every T girl has to experience. Maybe all this anxiety is one of the steps we take along the way. I don't know, today I feel very accepted and loved. Maybe tomorrow, I will be having an emotional crisis, but even those, will pass. I know it will because it has happened before.
So, just hang in there Lilly. These are good people here and if they can put up with me, then you are in good shape.
Many Blessings and write if you want someone to talk to.
Gwendolyn Brown
A Couple Of Good Friends
Is being ahead of the game for a start. If you have two people you can trust and can talk to about (nearly all of) your deepest, darkest secrets then you are actually in a great position. BC is a wonderful place for getting to know people like that, so use it.
In your (I hesitate to say it)"real world" life I think you are suffering from a classic inferiority complex. I am guessing that you are young and I think many of us(including me) have experienced that feeling that we are lacking in something or are not as valuable as others and that everybody picks up all the little mistakes and faux pas that we make. Actually it's not true. It is so easy to misinterpret those looks. They may actually envy you or be jealous of you. But I can't offer any magic bullets or easy cures for those feelings. It has to come from inside. You've got to realise that you are a valuable person and you do make a difference to the world and that only comes from keeping at it. If you want to talk to an old fart, call me,
Joanne
Thanks I really needed to hear that
I don't know if this your normal inferiority complex ( As I regard myself quite highly in most aspects of my life) but I guess its something similar.And yeah I guess two good friends that I can talk about pretty much everything with is a really good place to be .I guess its probably my shyness and low socail self esteem ( god I hate my 3-4 grade teacher and classmates , no matter how I look at it they are the source of many problems with my life , mostly with my confidence and the way I react to people).
So I am off to the shower ( as two of my best friend seem to have decided that I am going with them to a really late dinner :) ).
A flower that going to get some water .
Lily.
P.S This message was written in haste so there bound to be some punctuation mistakes ( I also think that I could have divided it to two paragraphs but still).
P.P.S I will be glad to talk with anyone who want to and pretty much about anything ( half spins are my favorites though ) :)