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I don't know if it's just because another birthday has come and gone, but I've kinda been wondering what kinda impact I've had on the world, and what sort of legacy I'll leave when I'm gone. I feel like I should be scrambling to make some lasting change in the world, but I barely have the energy to trod from one day to the next. I feel like there's a pair of scales approaching, and my soul weighs less than a breath. I know I'll pull out of this funk eventually, but I'm not at eventually. I'm here, right now, and I feel lost.
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A lot of that going around
And around, I chalk mine up to the deep darkness shutting down my fall fountain of energy as I watch the rain remove the colors from the trees. Also the wisdom I have earned from surviving this really crazy year telling me to be aware that my story has an ending at some time in the future. It is a time to calm the fire in the boiler and genteelly flow with the calmer current of the upcoming winter days. But I know my depression like my panic will fade and things will settle into my winter time Introspection so like the great bear in it's den I can digest what I experienced this year and meditate on what I have learned. And how can I apply it this coming spring.
PS
"I smile staring into the face of eternity, and wait for it to smile back."
Huggles
Misha Nova
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Paying it forward
I don't know whether this helps or not but you have produced a story so good that it got translated into German and is considered required reading by some people (Shoes) and that's just for starters.
I think I understand where you're coming from as I've spent time this year feeling like mould, if I could help guide you out of the maze that you're lost in I would but I know it's not that simple. All I can do is be here and shout encouragement from the edge of the maze and wait for you to find your way out.
Big hugs
Cat
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You can't choose your relatives but you can choose your family.
Thank you!
Thank you, Misha and Cat. I'm feeling a bit better now. Being able to reach out and finding a hand reaching back means more to me than I know how to say.