I wrote my first overtly sexual piece but haven"t gotten comments about it.
I'd like to know how I did. Did I handle things correctly? Too graphic? Not graphic enough? Did I handle it with style and grace?
BigCloset TopShelf
TopShelf TG Fiction in the BigCloset!
The Hatbox
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
If you prefer, you can donate through Patreon:
Become a Patron!
Thank you!
Comments
I just wrote to John in Wawa...
I've been trying to follow along with this story. I don't read more than a couple of times a year,
but when I do, I comment, almost always. I've not been able to come up with one for this. I'm not
sure that I will.
I can say, that your question is a very good one. In a serious story that deals with the mental
and sexual abuse of a minor, I think that there are times that a good author has to put in some
harsh things to get the real point, the visceral impact, across. I've done so myself, when I was
specifically asked to produce a darker story.
However, I think that a writer should always be very careful to at least consider the mores’ of
their intended audience. Writer’s characters do not have to abide by them, but I think it’s better
if those writers can justify with exquisite clarity, just why each part needed be included into the story.
In fiction, pederasty and infanticide are not so vile a sin for a writer, as a story that makes
too little sense.
In this venue, I think your story is largely well written, as John WaWa said, but I still have a
hard time making up my mind. Exposition of an abuse, is not child porn, but when it begins to feel
that way, there may have been a mark missed in making a story what it’s supposed to be, or in fairness,
it may be a particular screw loose in any given reader.
However, in this story, I think it was more that many of the small parts of the story were not
adequately explained or justified by the story itself. For me specifically, it was the mother who
seems to make a move to make some conciliation, and or give support to the child, but stands by to
watch some of the most vile abuse. If we saw the father abusing her as well, then the inconsistency
becomes rational.
Angry with the child… Okay. Throwing him out - Okay. Moving from a room to the garage in the same
house… not a fix that built tension or made some resolution in the story for me.
These issues for me, and I’m not even deciding if they are interesting inconsistencies in what would
is on the whole some interesting free online fiction, are what are keeping me from deciding if I like this
story or not, and from deciding if these plot devices are just an extremely clever way to manipulate the
readers feelings that I have not been able to qualify or quantify as yet.
I think that the graphic nature of the abuse, and the nature of the abuse combined, put the sex into
that category for me. On the surface it’s completely repulsive. So was a character, Vladimir Harkonan,
in the best story I ever read. The inconsistency of a sixteen year old, who desires niceness and
innocence and virtue, on his way to a sex shop to buy ‘pussy pants’ is jarring, and if not unrealistic,
in all fairness it is unusual.
I think the lack of comment would thus be three fold: People who do feel that it’s too much, can’t
post a response titled ‘Child Porn.’ That’s not allowed here. Also, People may like much in the basic
story and writing, might not be able to make up their mind yet, like myself. Lastly, people who might
actually like this story for other more permanent reasons unique to them, probably don’t want either us
or the authorities to know who they are.
Thus, if I were to make a comment, I’d have to say that I think that your writing skill is definitely
coming along, and that some of the plot twists are imaginative. However, there are also plot elements
that require almost no imagination, and I think that It’s the resolution of that, where we will find out
if I am just seeing something poignant but uncomfortable, or if I have been abused as well.
Good luck with that, Katie, and write the story you feel you need to tell the story that you have
inside. Keep in mind though, a basic truth that is never popular around here, a thing that I am mostly
thankful for: Which is that when the story is finished, readers will for reasons that lie wholly within
themselves, judge the work and the writer both. That's human nature, and unless you happen to disagree
with me somehow (ahem)... that does not abrogate your right to write. In the end, and as Kaleigh said,
If you haven't gotten at least one death threat, it's probably not the best you could do.
Sarah Lynn
the purpse of the sex scene
The sex scenes do move the story along but weren't at all necessary. But I sort of use the sex scene as an analogy of life. Kind of my way of saying that even though people will say they will never do something, if the situation becomes dire enough they just might. Sort of like people who say they will never steal or never take a life.
Also, I wanted to show the difference between views of sexual activity through the perpetrator and the victim. It was difficult to strike a balance though. I wanted to show the sexual side and the disgust that was going on at the same time between two different people. It's kind of my answer to my cousins "we were just playing around and I know you like it"
I know it's erotic, because it deals with sex. I was hoping that I kept it at least grounded. I didn't want to make it some glorified teen orgy. I think some of the message is, just because a person complies, doesn't necessarily make them willing. I just want to know that I captured what I was hoping too. The part with Ronnie is over and that's pretty much going to be the end of the character (plot spoiler).
I know this story is dark. I haven't looked at it in so long I forgotten how extreme the beginning was, but don't most my stories go that way. But fear not, it goes from dark to melancholy, But back to the sex thing... I also know where I wrote it and was perhaps a little sexually frustrated as well. But, as I've told few people, whenever I participate in sex, I disassociate. Go figure.
K.T. Leone
My fiction feels more real than reality
P.S. that was an informative well thought out reply that should be voted comment of the year.
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
I know it's erotic, because it deals with sex
I'm pretty sure that this is not always the case for everyone, Katie. In fact, I can
be pretty confident to claim that 'sex' as part of pederasty or violent rape is for many
as non-erotic as it gets. Somewhere lower than colon cancer, and bloody stool...
in your cream of wheat.
Other than that, I'd have to say that your response is exactly the kind of thing that
I'm alluding too in my response to your question. When you get those clearly out there
in the story, in this part or even in one that will follow, then you will get comments.
I think not too many, but some pretty damned good ones, because what you describe
as your intent, would be a grave challenge for any writer, at any skill level.
Lastly, as for being... Grounded. I think it is. You did that pretty well, because
lets face it, there are people like this out there, more than we'd ever like to admit. My
comments are unlikely to involve any criticism for a story being unrealistic. (An absurdity
in fiction.) My perception is that for the writer, that this question comes down to
balance. Not every reader will understand any story, but in large part, when you are finished
with the story, you've only succeeded if some do. That's the balance, in having the
audience feel the devices used were justified, useful, or necessary to get underlying
story across.
I wish I could be more clear, but honestly, my experiences of what makes a good writer
are wholly based on what I have read, and not on anything I may have tried to do in my
writings. Thank you, though, for the explanation. It actually helps me a bit.
One of the only criticisms I could make of this site, is that I have always wished that
there were a specific forum where we could discuss a little more, the mechanics of plotting
and writing. I'd certainly appreciate the resource, and more so given the number of really
fine writers this site actually has. Unfortunately, mentioning religious symbolism and
sexual perversion/ abuse as plot devices isn't always taken the way it is intended. No
e-mail type communication ever is. Even on a site dedicated to adults who are writers
apparently.
Sarah
How was the sex???
Very graphic, to me.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Hi Katie,
I just read the third chapter. The story, right now, is disheartening, but realistic. The depictions of sex were what I expected, if that makes sense. I'd say they were pretty mainstream for BCTS. I guess what you wrote was realistic, if yucky, but was on the minimal side, which is good. I definitely think it was adequate, it did what was needed and was not prurient. It was horrible, not in any way exciting. Hope this helps.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Hows the ...
I'm not sure I would catagorise it as a sex scene myself. More of an abuse/violation scene.
I don't think it quite hit the mark. Whether it was the lack of horror (in Sarah) or not quite enough disassociation, or even that you were writing to length and ended up missing some of the set up for Sarah caving in and submitting like that I'm not sure.