and the reasons are...well, many I guess.
Mainly though, at the bottom of it all, is one simple thing.
I've spent my whole life searching for "the one." I've looked everywhere and she seems to be either hiding, or I'm just too damn old and ugly for anyone to care about in "that" way.
Well here's a bit of news for everyone. Ugly people need love too!
I need someone to hold me and comfort me. I need someone to cuddle with and enjoy what life I have left. So where is she? Believe me, I have looked. Yeah, okay. I made things more difficult by beginning my transition, but I waited 60 years to do that! Where the hell was she all that time?
Every time I thought: "Hey! Here's someone." I got shot down with the wildest excuses anyone has ever heard. I got used, abused, and taken advantage of every time, and the one time, the ONE time when I thought I really had something going with a wonderful, talented, intelligent beautiful woman, I managed to f--k that up too!
So what the hell is wrong with me anyway? Am I so repellent? Okay, I'm a smoker, but there are lots of people who smoke and THEY manage to find someone.
I just spent a whole holiday weekend all alone. All by myself. No one called to say, "Hey, come on over! We're cooking out, celebrating the holiday." I spend most of my days that way. Just me and a laptop.
Well, I'm going away. I don't know for how long. Maybe for good. Obviously no one can care for me enough to consider me a suitable mate, or even a fu--ing one night STAND! So me and my laptop are just going to walk away for awhile. At least IT hasn't turned away from my obvious ugliness... yet.
Maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't. Maybe it'll be easier if I just stay away. Maybe I'm just too fuc-ed up for anyone to love. You'll excuse me now.
Good bye.
Catherine Linda Michel
Comments
I can understand your
Samirah M. Johnstone
There Should Be A Club For Us
There should be a club for all of us who have ever been in that situation. I have had relationships in the past where I felt like I was being used and discarded by people. Fortunately, there is hope. I firmly believe there is someone special out there for all of us. Sometimes it seems like we will never find them and that is discouraging at times. Years ago, I made the mistake of telling someone I loved them, but they turned around and told me they didn't love me. I began to see things looking back that made me see that the problem was with them and not me. They didn't love me enough. I just said to myself that I am worth more than that. Hang in there Hon! You are a rare treasure that someone is just waiting to find. You deserve the best because you are worth so much more than you have been getting.Please don't give up.
Hugs,
Jen
There are clubs
Let's face it, most of us have been in the same situation, at some stage in our lives.
But there are plenty of clubs where you can meet other people, regardless of your age and interests - provided you have some interests. Here in the UK, you can go to your local library and they will have a list of local clubs, and it's probably the same where you live.
My advice is don't go out with the intention of finding your soulmate, simply go out to enjoy other people's company and have fun.
Sure, you may not find true love, but enjoying time with others is far better than staying at home and being miserable.
Good luck
I'm am sorry
...I weep for you, dear one.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Love Hurts, there is even a popular song by that title
I am so afraid of rejection I have rarely approached anyone I am attracted to, much to my regret.
That you have been hurt multiple times may well be the natural side effect of the dating *process*. You can't get hurt if you don't try but you can't find that *someone* unless you try.
From the sucess/failure records of friends and cousins many of whom I thought were cool and desireable I've come to conclude finding that special someone is either pure dumb luck or much like finding a job. You are lucky to get one date or interview out of ten attempts and then one firm job offer in ten interviews. Your milage may vary.
It often gets harder as we age but not imposible.
You've traveled so far, worked so hard to get were you are, Cathy, to give up now.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Relationships are EASY as can be - 3 simple rules
It is NO problem to have a relationship with ANYONE you want.
#1 - Pick the person you want to have a relationship with.
#2 - Change YOURSELF COMPLETELY to be the ideal companion for the person you have chosen. (The ONLY person in a relationship whom you CAN change is yourself.)
#3 - Keep repeating #2 as long as you wish the relationship to go on. (The person you have chosen will NOT be static as long as that person is alive, so your changing of yourself must be continuous.)
with love,
HER
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
Not so certain
I think my early attempts at a relationship foundered because I was trying to be someone different from the real person inside.
Only when I learnt not to hide the real person away, did I start to form meaningful relationships. Be honest with yourself and then you can be honest with others.
The Right Thing
Staying away from the online world might, in fact, be the right thing to do, especially if you crave actual contact with actual people. For too many, immersing oneself in the online world is a form of escapism, a way to avoid coping with, for lack of a better phrase, "the real world."
As others have mentioned, there are activities, clubs, things to do, where you'll come in contact with other people. Without exposing yourself to such contact, you severely limit the likelihood that you'll meet "the one." Does your county or town have a senior center or program that serves subsidized lunches? Start going to it. Mingle. Talk to people and get to know them. Join the Y. Volunteer somewhere.
By the way, get the whole idea of "the one" out of your head! Despite popular culture, and the testimonials of happy couples about how their partner was always "the one" for them, it's a false construct. There is no "the one" -- there are many "ones" who would make excellent potential partners. The concept of "the one" is a rationalization/back-formation that our minds make AFTER we make a connection. Couples grow together over time. Either that, or they grow apart. How many "the ones" is Larry King up to now?
Once you stop looking for "the one," there's a better chance you'll actually find her, or that she will find you. And, I'll end my relationship advice here: The first step in finding love is to love yourself. If you can do that, you'll not only make it much easier for someone else to love you, too, but it's a stepping stone to loving others, the kind of love that makes a person attractive, no matter what they see when they look in a mirror.
>> lots of people...
Well, less than a quarter of all adults in the USA, slightly more in the UK, slightly less in Sweden. Eliminating three-quarters or more of the potential "dating pool" doesn't seem immediately productive, especially if one carries other burdens.
Cheers,
Puddin'
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Cheers,
Puddin'
A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style
i understand how you feel hun
i wonder if anyone will ever love dorothy, in "that" way