You may have seen my previous two posts
this evening, which in turn led me to reflect on my relationship with peeps here and in the various other TG communities i've been involved with over the last several years.
There does seem to be a recurring theme and whilst not always true there is a very strong pattern. What is this revelation i hear you all ask, well its quite straight forward really. Well i'll spit it out, this is in no way attacking anyone, just purely an observation but it seems to me that the further along their journey to womanhood, the less interest and contact with those 'left behind' a lot of girls want to have up to the point of pretty much disapearing off the radar.
I've seen this happen with a couple of what were quite good friends, another is doing the same now, gradually scaling back their interaction with not just me but the whole community. I can understand up to a point but it makes me sad to lose friends in this way, no falling out, cross words or anything - and nothing i can seemingly do to halt this decay of the relationship.
Before i get too maudlin i'll finish this post in a more positive way - the next Gaby book - thats volume 8 is scheduled to be released in book form on March 15th 2010.
Maddy
Comments
Book 8
Oh good, I look forward to that.
Angharad
Angharad
It Happens In Support Groups Too
I have noticed it happening among members who are close to or have completed transition in our support group meetings too. They seem to want to fade into society and I guess going back to meetings reminds them too much of who they once were. It is almost like they just want to forget.
Book 8 Hurrah!
Close enough, I'll consider it as a birthday prezzie!
Karen J.
"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way." College Girl - poetheather
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
Book 8!
Hearing that Book 8 is soon to be out is definitely a pick-me-up. Thank you, Maddy!
And the main topic of the post, I hear you and understand how you feel.
Kris
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
Hi Maddy, your right on
Hi Maddy, your right on people pulling away after thet reach their goals it is sad, I suppose some dont want the constant reminders of the path they have travelled and want to just move forward. Part of it too I suspect is a feeling that the common ground has gone, what once pulled people together in a similar direction suddenly isnt the same anymore.
I've been post Op over 4 years now and to a degree I may be guilty of it myself once or twice, Part it for me was the groups I was in did nothing but constantly bitch at each other over stuff which meant little to me by that point. I didn't care which surgeon was better so and so's because I had mine and was fairly happy with it.
Some of it though was because many of those I left behind only had their TG issues as a common factor, I hardly knew any of them for other things they did or enjoyed, it's one of the reasons I love BC cause even though the site is to do with TG fiction I love reading and writing. I share more than just TG issues with everybody here I share my passion for reading and writing irrelevant of the subject of the stories.
Claire :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
It's not so much..
universally true (but then, little is).
I can't talk for others, but I can for myself. I know I stepped back from the IRC, primarily for two reasons, the biggest was being put in a position where I was expected to "defend" the US against accusations, some of which were actually false. And, another time, I actually was accused of something pretty bad, that took a while to mostly convince people otherwise of. I got to where I didn't want to visit due to this. At first, I just left when the "attackers" joined the room. Then, stopped visiting since it was no longer a 'habit' to go there. I keep in touch with a handful of people through other means, and miss chats with others.
As to gabyzone.com - I got out of the habit of posting there - when we went through a long period of no new stories.
Otherwise, your observations are familiar in many groups I've been involved with over the years. In most of those groups, some people tended to move on, while new people joined. If the group was large enough, it could sustain a period where those leaving exceeded the new blood. The smaller groups tended to not be able to withstand this.
A group - to remain viable for YEARS requires strong leadership and membership. The more narrowly focused - around a single small topic - or an author - were in my experience more prone to the fragmenting. I recall one that was VERY active for about 5 years, then two things happened. The author went through a dry period, and one person joined the group who appeared at first a good member, but using hind-site, turned out to be poisonous. The group still exists today, but is down to maybe 4 of the original members (which numbered 20-30) and up to 4 other visitors. And, it only stays there, because the "host" is a personal friend of the author.
Just my observations. I'm glad to hear that Gaby isn't disappearing. I found BCTS & began writing indirectly by finding Nina, and then Gaby. (Two of the IRC Gabyzone regulars convinced me to start writing.)
All my best to you,
Annette
I guess
I guess that I am a bit guilty. I was very active on a support group until I had surgery. I am still there but I do not say much. The reason for me is that I do not feel worthy anymore. I had surgery very quickly and that ruffled some feathers. I just feel that my input will cause more harm than good. I have been told that is not the case but it is how I feel. I am thinking about writing a story about my experience. Maybe that will help me to recover.
I want to thank you for your Gaby storys. They have hit home with me.
Hilltopper
For the most part . . .
. . . I've never considered being transgendered a group activity so what I'm about to say may seem a bit harsh.
I enjoy the writing and reading but a friendship based simply on a common condition will always suffer once the condition is removed or changed significantly. Nor have I ever wanted to be identified by my transgenderism - it's just one part of being me.
For some it's so big a part that they can't get on with their lives without correcting the physical problem and for them reaching the goal tends to leave them a little at a loss - much like the workaholic who retires and suddenly has no idea what to do with herself. At that point one must ask one's self what was the goal? Wasn't it to lead a 'normal' life as a woman (full or part-time)? If so wouldn't support groups and places like this logically no longer serve the same purpose or fulfill the same need as before?
So it's no wonder that many of those that transition simply fade back into society - because they never really left it. Some of the ones that remain unfortunately often have other problems that transition didn't solve or made worse. They have health issues, abuse issues, relationship issues, etc. And the inability to solve them keeps them coming back and I often sense an underlying resentment of those that don't have problems. So it's no wonder there is a movement in and out of support groups and sites like this.
I come back simply because I like to read comedies, fantasy&sf, mysteries and romances - all with the added condition of transgenderism. It's just another subgenre that I enjoy reading and occasionally writing about.
It's like going to the corner bar and seeing your drinking buddies - you're connected by the alcohol but it's not a place you make real friends. Your real friends are the ones you BRING to the bar and introduce to your drinking buddies and like most bars the drinking buddies often end up fighting amongst themselves because the only connection they have is the barstools they sit on and the bar they lean on.
Commentator
Visit my Caption Blog: Dawn's Girly Site
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It's called Life
Do you know, when I left primary school, I only went back there once; the same when I left secondary school; same with university - my first job - my birth town - and so on throughout my life.
We all move onto other things. Perhaps we take some of our friends and colleagues with us, but very often, moving on means leaving other things behind.
You should not be melancholic about it - change is good for everyone, even those who do not welcome it!
Best wishes
Lindale
RE: Book 8
Hello Maddy
Good news about Book 8 I’m looking forward to it already.
With regard to people drifting away, I am afraid I have been guilty of that myself. I took over the running of a TG group along with a friend in the late eighties. We managed to grow the group from ten to thirty people in a couple of years. When I left in the early nineties it was to complete my own transition. Happily the group flourishes today with numbers hitting a hundred. I made good friends there and several I still see every week, others sadly I have lost contact with.
But as others have noted, that is life. There is that old saying which states, people are in your life for a reason, a season, or for life. I have learnt to value the friends I have today and not dwell too long on the past.
Love to you all
Anne G.