I registered with BC a month ago after being one of the guests for a very long time and it is through reading many of the stories and the blogs here that it has given me the courage to stand up and leave My Closet. I first came to believe I was different when I was eight years old and at twelve knew what was wrong, but then believed there was nothing I could do about it. For the next forty years (I know I've given my age away) I stumbled through a married life for ten years ending in divorce, went through another ten years of substance abuse (didn't do drugs, silly enough on drink) all the while denying that the female inside me was growing. I have lived in stealth for the past twenty years, as many others have done, while trying to be for others what I appeared to be. Feeling like I couldn't go on any longer living a lie I decided to come clean. The best way I could do it was face to face and take the consequences. New Years Day I, very nervously, told my Sister, neice, nephew and his wife. Today my Mother, Brother and his partner. To my Mother and Sister it was no surprise, they said they already guessed, mum since I was fourteen, from them it was hugs and kisses and lots of tears of happiness. To the others it was a surprise but with very good results, acceptance and a willingness to learn what makes me and others the same tick (Even a big hug from my very masculine brother, he's never come close to doing anything like that before). I could see many simular traits in my youger nephew that I had in my past but wasn't sure how to approach him or if I should. Sadly he ended his life at the end of a rope one year ago and I wonder if I had spoken out would he still be with us today. Please God Bless His Soul.
Even though its scary I am now going to start to be who I really am and I couldn't be happier to be accepted by ALL my faily.
Sorry to all the people here if I have ranted and raved but I had to let it out.
May this New Year bring everyone the Happiness and Desires that that would wish for.
Lots of Love Leanne
Comments
Leanne, I couldn't be happier for you!
It is a long journey upon which you have started, but you have the support and seeming understanding of those closest to you. That alone makes you more fortunate than most of those attempting to "set their lives right" who post or read here, and at other TG sites.
I'm so happy for you! I hope that your transition all goes as smoothly as it has begun.
I hope that my blogs have, in some small way, helped you finally reach this momentous decision, and if I can be ANY more help, please don't hesitate to ask any, and all, questions you might have.
I also hope, however, that you are prepared to face the world as the person you truly believe yourself to be. People can be cruel and hateful, you know.
My best advice? Very simply...once you begin and feel you are ready to face the world, go out there with a smile on your face and present yourself the best you can. Be friendly and open. Don;'t seek eye contact, but don't shy away from it either.
DON'T try to overdo feminine walks or speech or gestures. That will draw more attention than you will want. Observe other women around you. Dress accordingly. Go LIGHT on makeup at first until you gain more experience applying it.
DO get yourself a GOOD set of breast forms and the best wig you can afford (if you are not fortunate to have enough of your own hair) and GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!
I'm speaking of therapists, psychiatrists and a GOOD Endocrinologist. Do NOT self medicate!!! That can harm you more than I can say. Above all, do NOT attempt to go outside until you, and your therapist/psychologist believe you are ready to do so.
I wish you a safe, happy, easy transition, hon. The only other thing I can say is...YOU GO, GIRL!
Huggles 'n love from,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
good luck
I hope all goes well.
Angharad
Angharad
What courage you've shown.
I can imagine how hard it was... Coming out to my spouse, (of almost 30 years) almost two months ago, was one of the hardest things I've ever done... The future is not visible to most of us, except after we've lived it. I hope yours is one filled mostly with hapiness.
Annette
It's a tough thing to do, but relieving.
But doesn't it feel good?
I can't imagine anyone coming out as an adult, who doesn't do it with lot of trepidation.
But since doing it, most of us feel relieved, and wonder, 'What took me so long?'
I'm sure you have seen here, that we are supportive of each other.
Get to know a few of us, and you will find people you can go to with questions you'd rather not air publicly, or when you're down in the dumps over something that happened, whether it is transgender related or not.
Beyond these word, Catherine Linda's advice is the part to follow.
Many of us have known her for years, and followed her and given her some of the same sort of advice and encouragement as she reached the point you are at now.
Welcome to the light outside that dark closet, and the community.
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness.
It usually comes back to you.
Holly
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness.
It usually comes back to you.
Holly
Welcome !
I'm glad you faced it square on and told your loved ones. I never got the courage to directly ( the key word here ) to do so. If you need community support go to a local group if there is one or explore the wonderful world of conventions. A great one to start is Southern Comfort, there you can meet a lot of other TS folks and go to some great lectures and medical professionals. It is a relatively short 3-4 day affair.
Another non-threatening place believe it or not is Provincetown, Mass during Fantasia Fair. It is NOT TS oriented though TS folks go go there. Fanfair's charm is that you have free run of the town and the locals are friendly towards trans folks. Even the tourists that go there for the most part know about it. I suspect some come just to see the trannies. However, there has been scant, if any real harassment there. Fanfair is a week by the way.
Anyway, however you get help, through cyberspace or not, I am glad you have come out.
Kim
For What It's Worth
You did make the right choice to come out and start to live. Living and being one's self is soooooo much better than being closeted! I summoned up the courage to begin my journey to go back to being more of the woman I once was. I will not comment on the other tragedy you spoke of however. I will focus on you.
You did the right thing, you admitted what you were. Now, doing something about it is the a step in the right direction. ALWAYS seek medical advice from RELATED EXPERT PHYSICIANS in the field of SRS with at least a few hundred operations under the belt and ACTUAL CARING GENDER PYSCHIATRIC SPECIALISTS recommended largely throughout the community for counseling as to what is best for you. The road I traveled on I wasted a lot of time stumbling about without information. Its out there now. Look for it.
Also take genetics into into account if you are actually trying to consider the operation. Mine were so messed up I'm having a ton of recovery issues. So gather your allergy conditions, get a genetic test done before the op, question the doctor about what products will be used and if you are allergic to any of them. Consider the pain threshold you have as well too. A LOT of pain is involved in recovering in the first few months. This is only if you plan to change your body.
Not transitioning physically by changing the body is perfectly fine too. Finding someone to accept you for who you are is more important than anything else - that and getting along well with them.
In my case, I was able to change my body back with extreme difficulty and still a work in progress. My partner cannot, as much as she wishes to. Does it matter to me she cannot? Only for the pain I feel within her for her loss. I love her no matter what the body shape is and accept her totally and will do anything to assist her needs no matter what they are. She comes first. Loving a person, despite the body , is ultimately the true goal of acceptance.
No matter what course you decide, know that There are options!
I will offer this piece of advice: I HATE the US medical system in regards to Transgender/Intersex individuals - treatment, counseling and its benefits/effects/costs/ and ultimately - the RESULTS!. My experience has taught me certain other countries are more experienced and effective at treating AND operationally altering individuals that need their bodies altered to fit their gender.
Love someone for their soul inside, accept them, make room inside you for them, and be ready to change as they change and match their needs. Its what partners do for one another as they sail through the ocean of life experiencing the cruise together.
Lovingly
Sephrena Lynn Miller
BigCloset TopShelf
We wish happiness in spades for you.
Your story is essentially no different to many thousands of us who have chosen to transition in later life. I finally decided to transition at 47 having equivocated about it for almost as long as you did. I tried all types of excuses for not doing it (transitioning) and the most common excuse was what would my transition do to my family and my parents. I felt that it would be too embarrassing for them. When I realised that it was up to each of them as to how they would deal with the embarrassment a great weight was lifted. As it turned out, my parents, my four daughters and my ex-wife, have coped pretty well; very well in fact. In spite of parents divorcing, father transitioning and then the girls leaving their friends and moving interstate with their mother, they have done and are still doing very well at school.
By providing them with information both medical and personal, (Why was I doing this), they were empowered to deal with this situation and they learned to adjust very well with little trauma or embarrassment.
Friends were another matter. Those who chose to abandon me, did. Those who could see me for who I was and that I was now no longer living a lie have been terrific.
Living as Robyn as so much easier than living as a man as you well know, it takes lots of energy to maintain that facade that so many people around expected us to be.
Life is now so sweet. I have had my surgery. I have friends and workmates who accept me for who I am, just another ordinary woman.
I wish you all the happiness that living in truth can bring you and that all your desires come to fruition.
Robyn B
Sydney.
Robyn B
Sydney