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So I'm happier than a pig in s--t, with my RLT starting next Tuesday and the book signing on the 31st, when, out of nowhere, I get word that Mom is in hospital with pneumonia. She's just been through an amputation of her left leg, now this. Then, I notice that my cat isn't acting right, so to the Vet we go, and I find out that he's dehydrated, has a heart murmur, thyroid problems, and his kidneys aren't functioning right.
The tests alone are more than I can afford, let alone the treatments, and there's nothing I can do about Mom either, so I've sat here in my room, all alone, crying most of the day.
Grover and Paula have been a big help, talking with me during the day, but in the end, it's just me here with a sick Mom and a dying cat.
I know, in the grand theme of things, my kitty is small potatoes. Mom is much more important, and yet...for 12 years, Roadblock, (that's the cat's name) has been my constant companion. Always there, always goofy, and always, always my pal. His imminentloss seems more immediate than Mom's, and somehow, and I know this will probably sound awful of me, more on my mind.
I can't do anything about either of them, except that I can put my furball out of his misery. All I can do about Mom is love her and trust in the doctors to do what's best for her.
I know that some awful, terrible things have happened to others here,, in the past week, and I feel guilty going on and on about my troubles, but I have to write them down, so I can try to find a way to deal with everything. What makes it worse is that I was riding so high, with the good things, and out of nowhere, these bad things come down on me like a tornado, blowing my mind and destroying what was to be a joyeous, new beginning for me.
I'm still going through with my RLT, on schedule, as planned, and the book signing is something I have to do as well, but the joy has gone out of both events and I feel like I'm just going to be going through the motions. Neither event can be re-scheduled.
I don't want anything from anyone who might be tempted to try to help me in some financial way. That isn't the reason for this post, and I will refuse outright, with thanks, any offers to do so. I'm not here begging for money. I just have a hard, distasteful, yet necessary decision ahead of me, and I have to talk (type) about it to help me define my options.
I've always found that, here at Top Shelf, there is a group of wonderful, caring, sympathetic group of people, and I guess I just needed to share, and hope you won't think too badly of me.
To everyone who has bad things going on in their lives right now, I can only offer my love and my regret that there's nothing more I can do, but to give you my most sincere and regretful condolences, and I know that's all I can expect as well.
I apologize for bringing you down with my self-serving, pity post, and I hope you will at least understand and forgive me. I need to go lay down and cry some more now. Tina is here with me, and she'll try to help as best she can. I'll get through this and I promise not to do anything dumb. Thanks for reading.
bye for now.
Cathy
Comments
Cathy, I Know How You Feel
I lost a pet that I had for several years. It is hard to lose such a companion. I hope that your Mother gets well.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Burdens shared
I understand what you are going through, Cathy. I had to have my four-legged companion of 18 years (a long-haired Siamese mix - Pixel) put out of her pain several years ago for much the same reason. When I saw "dehydration" I knew it was kidney failure. It's amazing how these critters can get under your skin and creep into your heart. My mother's health is slowly failing also, although she is still fighting the good fight.
So, for what it's worth, do the right thing for Roadblock and ease his pain, allowing him some dignity at the end of his long road.
Have fun with the signing, and my prayers go out to you and your mother. God bless.
Dang it, now I'm crying! Take care!
Karen J.
* * * * * * * *
Change We Can Believe In - Barack Obama
Meet the new boss,
Same as the old boss
Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Cathy, Karen, did you have to mention ailing cats, Waaah!
When we put down our gravely ill 14 year old cat Charlie I cried more than I had in ages, Mom cried. And Charlie purred as I held him when the vet injected him. I cried more for that cat than my wonderful grandfather I had known for over 35 years.
Good luck to both of your mom's and to you with your signing and transition.
Karen, drink a Dr Pepper to your lost furry friend.
John in Wauwatosa
P.S I think Rusty and Callie will get some cat treats tonight.
P.P.S. Babble on Five was not that bad, K. It had it's moments and given how little scifi at all is on broadcast TV ...
John in Wauwatosa
A pet
is NOT small potatoes. Especially a longtime friend and family member. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug.
Shared troubles
Hi Cathy
Don't feel bad about venting. That's what women (and men who are in touch with themselves) do. That's what friends are for.
Yes, we all have problems; but nobody can judge who should feel better or worse. When the double-whammy comes, it seems to make even little things worse.
I'll say a prayer for your mom. I know I'm not ready to give up my grandparents, let alone my parents (and I'm 47 years old.) So, don't apologize for being sad or expressing it.
By the way, we have a new batch of kittens. If your book signing tour takes you to central Michigan, you can have the pick of the litter. They're adorable little puff balls, and they come from friendly parents.
Ray Drouillard
Cathy dear;
Take heart, as you have given your heart to others. Love shared is love multiplied, and caring for others just makes more
Take care of your Mother and take care of Roadblock, whom I've known vicariously, at least, since I met you both in Prue's story.
Take the words of this song to heart, please:
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you
HUGs;
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Roadblock
12 years is a long and full life for a cat. Sometimes it's easier on the kitty to let him go than to put him through the trauma of some medical treatment. I had a kitty come down with FUS once, and we took him to the vet and they operated on him (They cut "it" off) and he was confused and in pain from the surgery for a while and never fully recovered. We had to have him put down anyway. We decided that if any future cats needed complicated medical procedures we wouldn't get them done; a cat can't understand that painful surgeries and bad-tasting medicines are actually good for him.
PS: G.I. Joe fan? - give your little soldier a proper memorial. Let the vet take care of the remains, but put some kind of marker in a spot in your yard where you can remember him in happier times whenever you see it.
Dehydration
Before you give up on your baby, ask the vet if it will help if you hydrate him.
One of my babies was a having similar issues and the vet gave me several bags of saline, tubes and IV needles. You hang up the bag, pull up some loose skin on their back between their shoulders, wipe with an alcohol wipe and insert the needle horizontally. It goes in the space under their skin into the body cavity. Open the valve and just hold your baby down for awhile. The saline makes a sort of humpback for awhile till it is about tennis ball sized. You shut it off, pull the needle and apply pressure with a clean finger to the puncture point till it clots over. You do this every day or two for awhile. The saline is absorbed into the body and passes, the extra flow helps to flush them out. I think they realize that you are tryin to heal them or something because he just layed there for me.
Its worth asking the vet if this would help. My old guy lived a good 4 or 5 years longer.
I should add
In Pixel's case, the dehydration was a symptom of the kidney failure, not the trigger. I had some extensive testing done, and the doctor gave it to me in nice short blunt terms, just as I asked her to do. She would not get better, the failure was already close to total. The doctor had "juiced her up" during the course of testing so she was feeling better, but it was only a temporary thing. She had stood by me during some very bad times in my life, and I thought it only right that I let go while she was feeling decent. Saying goodbye was hard, but to try to keep her would have been harder on her, and she didn't deserve it. You have to trust your veterinary doctor, if he or she says it's time.
Good luck Cathy, and God Bless,
Karen J.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Furry Children
My oldest furry child Brittany will be 18 on July 4th. She came as a package deal with my soon to be ex-wife. I got her when she was 6. We found out when she was about 9 or 10 that she was hyper-thyroid and had to go on medication. We did that for a couple of years and then found out we could have radioactive-iodine treatment done. Her thyroid has been fine since then, but it left her with a heart murmur. 2 1/2 years ago a couple of months after we got our youngest furry-child Linsey, Brittany and Katy (the middle child) each got sick. Brittany was deathly ill and was severely dehydrated. She was kept in the hospital for a few days and given IV fluids. She wasn't eating, and wouldn't eat anything for the Doctors, so they gave her back to us in hopes we could get her to eat. I took it upon myself to MAKE her eat, I literally got her alone in a room with a can of food, opened her mouth and gave her fingerfuls of food in the back of her mouth..I did that for 2 days and then took her in for more fluids. That evening she started to drink on her own, and started eating the next day..the Docs had been prepared to suggest putting her down. I have found since the thyroid, that one of my goals in life is to keep Brittany alive as long as possible and thus far I've been successful. She has been sick recently with reoccurring sinus infections and fur matting. She's on antibiotics currently.
When I split with the wife in January, I got the two older cats..even though Brittany was her's for 6+ years before we met, and Brittany had been her rock..over the years I became Brittany's rock (she sleeps next to my pillow). She has cost us probably a few thousand dollars over the years, and she's worth every penny. My parents are in their early 80's and mom was very sick earlier this year. Any loss would be equally devastating, my parents or my furry monsters. They ARE family. They are my constant companions who give love as well as demand food :) I'm sure if I had non-furry offspring they'd be a tad more important, but I don't..so Brittany, Katy, and Linsey are my children. I just have to figure out how to get Linsey from the wife... ;)
I think my point is that you shouldn't feel bad about how important Roadblock is to you and there will be people who tell you it's "just an animal!" Well, we know what kind of people THEY are. You didn't say if there is medication he could take maybe? Brittany was on Tapazole for a few years for her thyroid before we nuked it, and she's lived with the heart murmur for years now..I guess it's how bad his kidney's are?
If you ever need an understanding ear about furry ones, I'm always available...
{{BIIIGGGG HUGGGGGGG}}}
Alexis
My love is out there for you Cathy
With all im going through, I understand too about loss. While I may not be near you, this journey we travel from life to life and what we do during each one is supposed to make us stronger inside. Doesn't lessen the pain, but it does steel us up inside to carry on. We who have stuck by you all this time will help you. *hugs*
BigCloset TopShelf
Love, Cathy
When an animal gives you love, you give it back. And it hurts to let go. It doesn't matter if the kitty is twelve or twenty.
Cry a little, it helps. Write about it, it helps. If you can bear it, find another animal to love, it helps.
I just got my little dog after mom passed away and she has been wonderful company. Last night, I took her to stay with the neighbors while I go on vacation and that hurt. I'm going to be gone a week and I'm going to miss her terribly. I didn't sleep well last night because she wasn't next to my leg and when I got up this morning, she wasn't there.
But she's okay, she's just down the lane, having fun with her little doggy friends. And I'll see her again in a week.
And your little kitty, and your mom, are right where they've always been. In your heart.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Cathy T
I've had hundreds of employees over the years and many subordinates before I owned a business. It has never failed to amaze me when I have to clean up a mess someone left behind -- especialloy the priorities they set. Many times they do the mundane and leave the really important stuff for last -- never getting to it -- thus the mess.
I've come to realize that a basic part of human nature is to do what you can handle. Dealing with the prospect of losing your mother is as tough as they get. It's been eight years and I'm still not done grieving. Losing a pet is horrific, but doesn't fit in the same league, like you suggest.
You are just being human thinking about what you can handle (although hard) and shoving what you feel is beyond you out of your mind.
I remember going through a particularly rough time at work and hearing about a woman who lost her child in a car accident. Normally things like that set me off. I'm a big baby when it comes to crying over other peoples' tragedy. I knew immediately when I felt no empathy that I had to get away from things and get back to reality.
We each have our own ways of coping. Don't beat yourself up for having a finely developed sense of what you can take on and what you can't. When the time comes you will have the proper response to personal loss. My heart broke when they played my mother's favorite song at her funeral. It was a dance song called "Josephine." Not something you would normally hear at a funeral, but just the right thing to remind me of. . .everything.
Cathy -- you're a fine, fine person who has had a extremely large impact on my life. . .bigger than you could know. I'll bet you've been a hero hundreds of times in ways that are important.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)