I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone who has ever read anything of mine. I appreciate it. I'm sitting here at 3:58 am bored and hungry out of my mind. Well, because I ramble on about the present. Let's talk about my past a little.

I was born October 11, 1999, to the name Jonathan. Yes, I know my birthday just past, yes, I know my birthday is on national coming out day, and for the final yes, I am 18 and still in high school. Life for me growing up was normal, good, and loving. Funny, because all my stories end up the complete opposite.

The only real problems I had was my mother being sick all the time. I never complained about it, then again I didn't know any different. I also had issues later, but we'll get to that eventually. I grew up as a boy but as all transgender children or anyone with those feelings growing up, I wanted to be a girl. I didn't act like it or showed my feelings to anyone. My mom and dad were questioning if I was gay, but that's about it. I didn't dress up in girl clothes or anything of such.

Well, I would be a liar if I didn't mention I wore my mom's underwear. But, everyone does something like that. Yep, you look back at Jonathan he was a fun loving boy. A boy in every way. Ibeit petite short boy that the guys sometimes called a girl for happening to look like his mother. My feelings of wanting to be a girl were stronger than the other boys. You know the cliche thought that 'Everyone must be thinking this too'? Yeah, thought that too. It wasn't until fourth grade when I started really thinking about it.

Hell, at one point I told a friend of mine that I felt more like a girl than a boy. I would constantly get thoughts where I have some sort of dual personality. And both personalities are gendered (I still believe that I have two personalities. I know it's crazy, but I talk to myself all the time and get great advice too) Then tragedy struck, and my mother died of the sickness she was born with. I couldn't focus on the inward part of me because I was mourning my mother. It did open my ears and mind to new possibilities.

Time travel to the year 2015. A small, petite boy wins gold and silver medals in taekwondo. He's a completely immersed in the otaku community, has a bunch of friends, and started wearing contacts. He goes online to find out about Caitlyn Jenner. Right then and there I found out that I'm actually a girl. Well, at the time I said I wanted to be a girl. My life just made sense. especially how I was acting leading up to the month I discovered. For example, I went to space camp for the last time. I was acting really cute and found myself loving acting cute. There was a guy who would always comment how my hands are very feminine (I received them from my dad, lucky me). I loved it when he told me that. I started to grow my hair longer. So, when I learned that there was a word to my feelings I just knew that I wanted to be a girl. Well 2 depressingly cloudy weeks, and a few days after Thanksgiving, I came out to my dad. 10 months later, after getting a girlfriend, breaking up with her because I was suicidal, therapy, and slowly coming out of my shell. I get on hormone blockers. The meds did wonders for me. I wonder still mildly depressed, but nothing too bad. I started passing 3 months later, so I was pretty happy. 3 months after that I get on estrogen. Now after 8 months on it, I am sitting on my computer at 4:30 or so am typing useless information about me. Oh, did I forget to mention my name is now Jessica? Oh well, it won't matter. I'm hungry and my alarm went off. Oh, so another day of never go to sleep.

I thought I would share my useless tale. I have more details, but I'm too hungry to write them.