It takes a long time, years if then, for a person who transitions to begin to understand how the mind of a genetic female works. After 12 years of it, I see some things that would have never occurred to me otherwise. In addition to the genetic predisposition a woman faces, a woman or a man making a credible effort to live as one is guided into a completely unavoidable role. Generally women are seen as more vulnerable, and otherwise less able than men in many areas. It is a surprise to men to encounter a woman camping alone, and we mostly need to be much more careful than men because of the occasional predatory male. It is wearing at times for a woman's body to be so fawned over, and some women learn to desire that adoration and it sometimes takes them to painful places.

It does not happen frequently but Saturday it was a great surprise to find myself admiring a male presenter's ass, and when he turned it was obvious that his tool was substantial. It was astonishing to find my innermost parts clinching and to find myself musing about being filled with it. Of course I never expected to have anything like that happen.

I once knew a College girl who had just graduated in English with a BA, and lacking the funds to get her MA, took a job as a stripper in a local club. This girl was about 5' and beautiful. It was interesting to watch the phases of her life over the next months. We were talking after she had just started stripping and she said she loved it and made lots of money. A couple months later she was now smoking, wearing "stripper" clothes and seemed nervous. Later she looked absolutely haggard and I saw her getting out of a car to rush into the apartment buildi. As she passed, her heavily made up face was streaked where tears had gone down it.

Still later, I talked with her one afternoon. She mentioned that the police were going to help her get off drugs, and someone had helped her to go back to College to get her MA. Whatever she had done had not put her in jail. She seemed happier.

The last time I saw her, she had that innocent look about her back again, she was not smoking, and she said that she had gotten back with her mother and was in church again. I was happy for her.

For some reason, a blessing I suppose, people talk to me; telling me amazing and sometimes shocking things. Later, I had a close approach to disaster when I decided that to survive, I would have to try to be a prostitute. I did some Craigslist ads, and had a few dates, but never worked up the courage to actually do penetrative sex, but did a few blow jobs. Later I am quite sure that one of my dates was actually a vice cop. The issue with my becoming a prostitute was that in one of these incidents, I Disassociated and was completely OUT for a while. It scared the guy really bad, I never got any money and as soon as I was barely conscious, he was gone.

Being especially naive, my neighbor convinced me I could now have HIV so I spent the next 6 months waiting for the results of HIV tests and this frightened me so much that I became Muslim.

I'm not sure what writing all this accomplished but I hope it was interesting.

Gwen