Please, if you contemplating suicide: don't do it. ASK FOR HELP!
I can be there for you if you just ask!
If you even think that you know someone who is contemplating suicide or is depressed please be a friend to that person.
If you need help I can advise and assist.
Too many have died this way:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/09/taylor-alesena-deat...
If You Are Thinking of Joining Her PLEASE DON'T
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Remember we are here
To those where the dawn is darkest or the black dog of depression barks at our heels. We can only reach out if you reach for us, to our sisters and brothers you do not suffer alone. Reach for us and we will hold you, talk to us and those who can will listen our shoulders encompass the world our hearts beat in time with yours.
We go not quietly into the long night but hold a beacon for those that reach for us
to hug is to be and to be is to be hugged
view the world through the eyes of a child and relearn the wonder and love
Allie elle loved and cared for and resident of the kids camp full time
Sadly
Sadly at the darkest times, which way too many of us have been through, there doesn't seem to be any source of light. As one who has been there and tried on several occasions, it is so hard to find the courage or even a reason to reach out to another human to admit our weakness. At that moment nothing else seems to hurt more and no one else in the world can feel or understand our sorrow, grief and unending agony of spirit. We feel that no one will understand or accept our perverse inner torment. Even if not having been raised in a religious cult, which I was, we know that we will have so much more loss than our already tortured heart can bear. We know that as good as the world is becoming towards trans persons, there is still so much hate, anger and discrimination present. We fear the loss of family, friends, and everything else that will be of emotional value to us as young people. It is just so tempting to just take the easy path, not even remotely correct, but in our twisted depressed mind, one that seems to have less resistance. We have always been told that suicide is the cowards way or the most selfish act when in truth it takes a massive amount of courage to get to that point of actually taking your life. If this were not true why do 'normal' people fight so hard to stay alive even when they have an excuse to die? This includes people who have terminal cancer, COPD, heart disease or any number of fatal conditions.
We as one of if not the smallest minority of persons on this planet who are affected by a condition which can not be seen due to its being in our minds; whom no matter how much science or the medical field prove the validity of our condition, mind you even those in the scientific world or medical field can not agree something actually exists, the general public and religious zealots either just don't want to accept or stick their fingers in their ears and shout nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. It is no wonder that we choose the path of least resistance. I'm not saying that it is the correct or best option, far be it from that, but as someone who has been there and tried this path, I understand. I will rail against it as loudly and as ferociously as anyone can. I will never go that dead end path again because I now know the futility of it. I love my life, albeit not without everything I had feared would happen having come to pass, as the woman I am today. It is just a lack of courage and social support which makes it seem so hopeless to these teens and others who feel no hope. We must continue the fight to make the world a safer place and push the non-aggressive truthful education of what we are as well as what we suffer. The majority of the public are just uneducated about us. I have so many people I work with ask me, "would you be willing to explain or can you answer a question honestly." I work in the medical field and these are not stupid people. They just have never been exposed as well as have never taken the time to investigate about the transsexual condition. Life is too busy for most people. Not that they don't care, it's just that we or our condition are not a priority. Only when they are confronted with someone they know and work with every day do they begin to realize that we are real people too. We dress, come to work and live our lives as the gender we choose, even if not the one that our birth presented, without perversion, gaudy drag outfits and makeup or sexual deviancy. This slowly proves to them we are no threat. This is the most sincere and easiest form of education the world needs to see.
Sorry for the rant but I've just needed to get this off my chest. Suicide is not a good outcome but it is explainable. Sadly eons of societal training and life have created a majority of hate and suspicion of those who don't fit. Reach out in non-judgement to those who seem quiet and isolated. Sometimes that is all it will take to pull someone back from the brink. Learn love instead of hate. Hating is easy! It is the act of showing love that proves we are the intelligent beings on this planet.
Dahlia
"Don't Fit"
It doesn't have to just be people who "don't fit" in society as it can be people who are socially aware. If you don't have the willpower to withstand the shitstorm(forgive my term here Erin) it can be very difficult even if you fight to be an optimist or do see a potential for the world to become better.
In other words, it's not just Trans but it can be "Middle class" in general.
Sometimes...
It's not easy to know what to do. I pulled away from this site months ago. I didn't (and still don't) feel like I belong anymore. There were a few people who made me very uncomfortable (I believe at least one deliberately did so) and it tainted my interactions with the friends I'd made here. Do I think about suicide? Yes. Absolutely. I don't feel like I really belong anywhere. And more often than not, I go to bed hoping I won't wake up. Despair is a very real thing. I do a lot of things to distract me from it, but it's there in the back of my mind.
I probably shouldn't have made this comment. I'm sure some people will take it as an attack. Some people will take what I say out of context. I just don't care.
~And so it goes...
Hard as we try, we can't save them all
The ones we miss saving takes another piece of our heart even though we never met them. We know exactly the hurdles they faced as they struggled with the two identities inside them.
One: the girl in the mind demanding she be freed from her prison inside the boy body to live her life or visa versa.
Two: the lack of support from outside telling him-her others have trod the same path and made life work for themselves.
I wish I could be there and meet each one who is struggling to find that path. I wish I could share all the knowledge and experiences of the ones I know who have made it. I wish each one could understand they are God's own special person. He gave them a double dose of boy-girl, not to punished them, but to enrich their life beyond understanding of those not so blessed.
Because they are both man and woman, their minds are going full tilt on both sides of their brain. Not just on one side like a man or a woman. They measure in the MENSA range when they aren't trying hard to fail in order to "fit in". This comes with a double edge sword as they experience things more full and richer than normal. Think of putting them in the cockpit and telling them to fly without support and lessons. Just the opposite, the general public abuses them for being different. We become determined to wreck their lives anyway we can because they are different. They scare us and make us question our own sexuality and gender. Surely those freaks are going against God when they try and play God themselves and remake their own body to match their mind.
Okay, Barb down off the soapbox. This is a message you have repeated dozens of years and what good has it done? Well, I'll tell you, when one says, "You saved my life." All the long hours, the years of research, the nights waiting for sleep wondering if you have done enough, or is it all worth while; is paid off in full measure overflowing.
God doesn't make mistakes. That extra blessing might be a tough row to hoe. Over the long haul it's worth every bit of pain endured to get there. If, you're TG, believe in yourself. I believe in you. I promise everyone who is TG has thought of returning God's Gift. Virtually EVERYONE!
If you ever look down that deepest darkest path and decide no one cares..., BEFORE you take those pills or put that gun to your chest, contact me. I don't have time to hold your hand and tell you about life. But I'll make time just for you because you're special. Even though we haven't met, I love you.
Life is too short on its own. Don't help shorten it because you think no one cares. One of the biggest pains in my life is one I knew personally and missed all the signs. Not all of them scream at us begging for help before they can no longer cope with their own life.
always,
Barbie Lee,
Suicide Counselor
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Amen
Hear, hear!! Thanks so much for the excellently put reply. I've never lost anyone personal to suicide but I can't even begin to imagine my pain for failing to see their pain. I would wrack myself with guilt for a long time.
I agree with you that God does not make mistakes. There is a purpose for our existence, hidden though it be. My personal belief is that we are here on this earth to teach acceptance and love. We seem to be the most abused group as a whole worldwide. This only because we do fly in the face of what society insists is the gender binary. They feel threatened at their core for some reason which only God knows.
I have a friend who is a suicide counselor Barbie and even she has been low enough to have considered suicide at times, yes she is TG as well. Please keep up the fight. I wish in some way I could help more.
Dahlia
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