Daisy's Red Badge of Courage
A Prequel to “Daisy and the Phantom Nurse”
Act One: The Impossible Dream
It is not easy being gender fluid at Benton Academy. Many of the students and staff at the school have decided to accept the small population of Transgender girls that attend school. I think most understand that in a year or two all three of them would graduate and be attending other schools. In short they would quickly become somebody else's headache soon enough. But for me, who falls into a middle ground, a kind of gray zone if you wish, the staff are at a loss on how to handle me.
It is a well known fact that I'm going steady with one of the transgender girls that goes to school here. Her name is Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn. I will not say we were in love, love is such an abstract word. But I cared for her and I knew she cared for me, we were attracted to each other. But most of all, we trusted each other.
That itself had painted a big target on my back. Now the culture of Benton Academy is archaic. The mythos of the “Lost Cause” are repeated over and over. A small percent of the school prides itself on having been founded as an Segregation Academy; those were private schools that were founded in the Southern United States some fifty years ago by white parents to avoid having their children attend the newly desegregated Benton High School. And though they do not like to broadcast it, around ten percent of this school would love for it to return to its segregation roots. They firmly believe that by opening the school to all races, they have less the academic value of a private education.
I attend this school, not by choice but because my uncle wanted to give me the best education possible. For the first part of my school career I attended St. Katherine's Episcopal Academy, a private school located on the high bluffs of Vicksburg. The school yard afforded you a beautiful vista of the Mississippi River. I sometimes missed it, I missed the view of the river and the sense of peace looking at it brought.
But I had to push those peaceful thoughts out of my mind as I made my way down the hallway. My heavy footsteps echoed down the empty hallway. Like I said before, the culture of this school is almost archaic. One prime example was a man was expected to fight if he was called out. And I had been called out, by one of the biggest bigots in the school. A man that weighed close to three hundred pounds, was big as a bull and tall as a tree. He had arms the size of sawlogs with fingers the size of hot dogs and a neck the size of a Christmas ham.
This beast of a man had called me out because I was dating Cerridwen, and the culture of chivalry that flourished at Benton Academy demanded that I meet him after school in the parking lot. If I had not challenged him and stood up for my honor and by Cerridwen's honor I would in short be giving him the right to call me out at random and maybe even go after Cerridwen. I knew this, because I had been raised in the tradition of the old South.
And I hated it. But there was little I could do as I marched alone toward that parking lot. I could hear from down the hallway noise being made. Word of the pending fight had spread all around school and the supports of the beast of the man had come out to support him. No doubt he would be surrounded by a retinue of faithful retainers.
I paused and looked over my shoulder. I still could have retreated, I could have turned around and walked back down that hallway and slipped out of the backdoor. And then I could have vanished in the woods that surrounded the school. But that would have been the coward's way out. It would be an insult to not my honor but to Cerridwen honor.
And so I had no other choice. Gathering my courage I pushed down the hallway.
“Daisy!” Cried a voice behind me.
I stopped, turned around and saw Cerridwen rushing toward me. Following closely behind her was Jamie Sarah Potter the so called 'Princess' of the school. Following behind her was another girl I did not know but I think her name was Katherine. Cerridwen seemed on the verge of tears as she looked me in the eyes and then launched herself at me, a moment later she was wrapping her thin arms around me and she was headbutting my chest.
“Don't you Dare!” She said as she held me. “Don't you dare go out! Don't even think about it! For once in your life use your head!” She bellowed. “He's going to murder you! He's going to murder you and then I gotta go to your funeral! And then I'm going to wear black! I gotta wear black before I wear white!” She shouted. Her shrill voice echoed off the row of metal lockers.
“You always wear black though. You're a Goth and you shop at Hot Topic for all your casual clothes. The dress you wear to Sunday Mass was brought from Hot-Topic. Your Communion Gown was also brought from Hot-Topic.. Your perfume comes from Hot-Topic too..” I said blinking.
“That is not what she means..” Jamie said as she came up to us. “She means something else..”
“I know what she means! But it's hard to picture her in a traditional wedding gown!” I said blushing a little as I peered toward Jamie. Her blue eyes seemed to sparkle with rage and I swear I saw the fires of hell burning in them. “Listen! I told the staff, they said 'You deal with it, you're a man' and I told you guys, the so-called prefects of this mock British school about it, they said without 'solid proof' their hands were tied. I told the Headmistress and she said 'If the fight takes place beyond school grounds, and after school hours. Then really it is not an issue with the school. And I don't plan on making it an issue with the school. It would become a police issue then.' So there.”
“Have you talked to your uncle?” Cerridwen said. “Talk to him! Talk to him for me Daisy! Please! I'm begging you. You've already been kicked out of one school for fighting. You're on thin ice here already. Just one more misstep and boom, they will kick you out too!” Cerridwen pleaded.
“She's right.. and have you given any thought of where your family would send you then?” Jamie said. As she peered at me.
“I already know.” I said, taking a deep breath. “Chamberlain-Hunt Military Academy. That is the only other school that would accept me. And yes mom and dad fought hard to keep me enrolled in St. Katherine's Episcopal Academy, they told the headmaster I was getting bullied and that he needed to step up his game. But you know, putting one of your bullies in the A & E ward of Mercy Hospital and sending the other to Mississippi Medical was kind of overkill.” I said, sighing.
There was a brief moment of silence after that little remark. The silence was broken by Cerridwen who in a hushed tone of voice asked me one simple question. It was a simple question but one that for a moment gave me pause. And made myself question the wisdom of what I was about to do.
“Have you ever considered what those boys of Chamberlain-Hunt Military Academy will do to Daisy Isabella Bell? Your alter ego? The girl that sometimes comes out? Have you thought about her?” She asked in a hushed tone of voice that was barely above a whisper.
“I have and I'm sure they will rape her each morning in the showers before class starts, and at night the senior cadets will pass her around from one bed to the other before turning her bottom and mouth over to the junior cadets.” I said with a sigh.
Both Jamie and Cerridwen visibly shuttered as I said that.
“And is that the kind of life you want her to live? How would she respond to living that kind of life? To be used as nothing more than an fuck doll for a collection of one hundred and twenty eight cadets?” Whispered Cerridwen she was on the verge of breaking down. I could see mist gathering at the corner of her eyes. Her voice was still barely above a whisper.
I took a deep breath and made a cutting motion with my hand across my wrist. It was all I needed to say. Cerridwen then shuttered and blinked her eyes and slowly she started to wipe away the tears that were starting to fall down her cheeks.
“And what will happen to Daisy at that camp?” Jamie said as she peered toward. “Or Cadet Private James Donald Bell.” She said getting too up close and personal for my taste. I was tempted to push her back but I had to remind myself she was a Potter, and the Potter's were known for their tempers. Plus she was a girl, and I was raised by a guy never, ever raises his hand to a woman, transgender or not.
“Short rations, forced marches, judicial flogging, forced to stand at attention for long periods of time. Oh and a once a week haircut. And once he snaps from the stress of the bullshit he'll pick up a shovel and remove the nearest bully head’s he can get his hands on. And that would lead to a moonlight burial in the swamps that surround that school.” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“James Donald Bell!” Jamie yelled. “You are a fool!” And with that Jamie raised her hand and it seemed she was ready to strike me, now Cerridwen had slapped me once, and I think I kind of needed that at that moment. But getting slapped by Jamie, I was not in the mood for that. So I quickly raised my hand and took hold of her hand.
“Jamie Sarah Potter, I strongly suggest you step back and check yourself.” I said in an icy cold tone of voice. “Not all of us have the privileges you have.” I added.
“Check my privileges? Since when did being transgender become a privilege?” She said in a haughty tone of voice that made my blood boil like water in an iron kettle that had been placed on an open flame.
“I was not talking about you being transgender. I was talking about being surrounded by friends that love you, that support you, that cherish you. That will defend you. That will hold you. Not all of us are blessed to have such friends.” I paused and then turned toward the double metal doors that would lead into the parking lot.
“Some of us are loners. Some of us have neither kip or kin to call upon. Some of us are just nameless drifters.” I said, sighing as I released her arm. Jamie snatched her arm away from me and just peered at me with eyes that seemed cold as ice. It was the most anime thing I'd ever seen.
“JAMES DONALD BELL. YOU ARE PRIME EXAMPLE OF MALE STUPIDITY! YOU THINK EVERYTHING CAN SETTLED WITH YOUR FIST. YOUR WRONG!” Jamie bellowed at the top of her lungs. Her loud voice echoed down the hallway. “One day I'm going to prove to you that there are people in this world who care about you! One day I'm going to prove to you that you are loved!”
“Daisy..” Cerridwen said, taking a deep breath. “You were the only person who ever stood up for me.. you are my prince..” She said sniffing. “I love you! Jamie loves you! Your family to her! Madeline loves you! Your mom and dad are her aunt and uncle! Your mom and dad are Jamie's Godmother and Godfather! You don't have to fight along! You don't have to fight at all! Just go! Turn around now! And walkway from this fight and none of us would think any less of you!”
I paused and turned around and balled my fist up.
“MY MOM AND DAD EVEN CONSIDER YOU A SECOND SON! A FUTURE SON-IN LAW!” Cerridwen's voice had now risen, higher than her normal squeaky tone of voice. “Are you really going to throw it all this way because of some silly question of honor! Because some meathead pushed you down in the locker room and called you a 'sissy' and a 'fag' because your dating me?” Cerridwen said as she shook her head from left to right tears fell like raindrops from her cheeks.
“He called you 'A fucking piece of shit'. And those are fighting words.” I said, taking a deep breath as I turned away from her. I could not stand the sight of Cerridwen crying.
“We get called worse things all the time behind our backs.” Jamie said. Her voice seemed to have softened a little. “We're used to it. Comes with us being us.” She added. I could feel the pain in her voice.
“Well.. I'm not going to stand for it.” I said as I started to walk away. As I walked, a song that was my father's favorite song, a song by Frank Sinatra started to play in my head. The song was “The Impossible Dream'. And I knew what I must do. If I was to be murdered, beaten to a bloody pup in a few minutes, I must do so that honor, and justice may live. If I went down fighting for Jamie, Cerridwen, Madeline and all the kids that were bullied here. Then when I was laid to rest in St. Katherine's Graveyard. My soul would at least be at rest.
And so steeling myself I pushed open the door that led to the parking lot and stepped into the bright light of that September afternoon.
Daisy's Red Badge of Courage
A Prequel to “Daisy and the Phantom Nurse”
Act Two: A Fearsome Melee
I felt like a Roman gladiator entering into the Colosseum. My blood ran cold, it seemed the whole school was. The parking lot was jammed full of people. And at the center was the beast of the man. He had stripped himself of his collared shirt and tossed it to the side. His eyes burned like fire. The minute I entered into the circle was the minute all eyes turned toward me.
“So the little 'fag' has decided to show up after all!” He bellowed. “Were that fucking boyfriend of yours? He is afraid to show his face?” He bellowed and laughed a little as he held up his hands and smiled. The crowd roared with laughter and a few of the rednecks started to slap their knees in utter amusement. I felt my blood starting to boil.
“Just so you know. We're going to clean this school up! Those little fucking crossdressing freaks, are going to get tared and feathered tonight. And anybody that helps them or tries to get in our way, will be handled..” He bellowed as he pumped his fist into the air and turned toward the gathered crowd. Remember when I told you about ten percent of this school wants a return to the old ways? Well here they are, all ten percent of them. The other ninety percent have gone home to coward under their blankets.
I figured as much though. I don't carry the clout that Jamie does. I'm an outsider here and that's fine. But there was one thing I hated more than anything and that was a bully. I took a deep breath and removed my own shirt and then pulled my hair back in a ponytail.
“I'm going to clip that ponytail and make you eat it!” He said grinning as he started to move toward me. I gritted my teeth and then dashed toward him. He blinked! What did he expect me to run! Run from what? I'm part Irish and part Scottish, we love a good brawl! Here motherfucker let me show what I'm made of.
“Faugh a ballagh!” I yelled as I rushed toward him. That was old Gaelic for 'Clear the Way' and with that my fist connected with his jaw. Blood, spit and a tooth flew out of his mouth as I drove my fist into his jaw. It was like punching a brick wall. I felt my knuckles starting to crack as I watched his head spin around.
“You dirty son of a bitch!” He said as he turned around and peered at me. “I'm going to fucking murder you! Fucking murder you! Then I'm going fucking murder that crossdressing freak! Fucking piece of shit!”
“Erin go bragh!” I shouted again as I rushed toward him. This time I was aiming toward his balls. This was not a fair fight, this was combat, this reminded me of the brawls I'd fought on the cobblestone paved schoolyard of St. Katherine's in Vicksburg. In full view of the Mississippi River.
Now, no matter how big or how strong a man is, once you hit him in the balls he's going to go down. And boy did he go down. The moment he went down was the moment I raised my leg and kicked him right in the face. The force of my kick busted his lip wide open and a trickle of blood started to run down. His face. He coughed and groaned and spat out a mixture of blood and mucus.
But he bounced back and slammed his fist right into my face. I felt like somebody had taken a brick and smashed me in the face with it, I was pushed back and I fell down to the ground. My ears were ringing, a few seconds later I felt like somebody had taken a hammer to my balls. I shuttered and coughed as I forced myself to stand up. My legs started to shake a little as I peered toward the best.
“Fucking little queer lover!” He barked as he started to charge at me. I responded by charging toward him. A moment later we clashed. And it was bloody, very bloody, I repaid him for every insult with a quick slam of my fist into his meaty body. And he repaid me by slamming his fist into my slender frame. I felt bruises started to form as each punch slammed into me.
The seconds ticked by, one after the other. Neither of us had much to say to the other as he traded blows. I started to attack his ears, and he kept pounding my belly. We were both barely walking at this point. But all around us the crowds started to gather around. My ears rang with their chanting!
“Come on Big boy! Show that queer lover what we MAGA boy's believe in!” One of the rednecks shouted as he hooted and waved his hat in the air. The fellow beside him shouted. “Beat that little Vicksburg prick into the ground! Bust his teeth! Come on Big boy! I got fifteen dollars on you smashing that little fucker into the ground!”
So this is what the first amounted to.. it was sickening and made my blood boil even more. I let my guard slip though and the beast caught me with a right hook to the side. I felt myself being thrown to the ground. My warm blood flowed from a fresh cut on my lip down my chin. Again I forced myself to stand up. I was seeing double but still I forced myself to focus.
“Hot damn! That little queer lover can take a beating!” One of the rednecks said smiling. “This better than a movie by damn! Come on Big boy! Smash that fuckers face in! Come on! I'm getting the hot tar ready right now and my girl got a sack full of feathers. Once you done smashing that little fucker, we going to tar and feather his boyfriend and run his ass out of the school at out of town!” He hooted as he waved his hat around.
As I regained my focus, I reached down and peered toward the guy who was shouting out. His voice echoed like a bullhorn. I peered toward him and then toward the beast. And I gathered my remaining strength. I reached down and picked up a piece of broken pavement that was laying at my feet. I reached down, picked up that piece of pavement and paused. Was I really about to do this?
“HEY! That little queer lover is praying! I bet he is praying to that queer loving god that that queer loving pastor believes in!” Shouted the redneck as he poked his friend with his elbow. I believe the only insult he knew was the word 'Queer' because he kept using it over and over again and I was getting tired of it. I was also getting tired of him insulting Cerridwen.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP.” I bellowed as I picked up the peace of paving stone and tossed it at him. The crowd around him quickly vanished and he could only blink. I was aiming for his head. But he ducked at the last minute and the stone sailed passed his shoulder and smashed into the ground. “Next time! I swear to God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that the next stone I hurl toward you won't fucking miss. You Piece of fucking shit!”
The front of the redneck's jeans started to darken and his face drained of color. A clear stream of liquid ran down the front of his pants leg. He looked terribly twisted and his bottom lip started to tremble a little and his hands started to shake.
“You almost smashed my face in! You Fucking Queer Lover!” He bellowed as he looked around him. The crowd was starting to retreat now, the beast. Took this chance to charge at me, I side stepped him and brought my elbow down on his neck as he passed me by. He fell down on the ground and rolled over. His face looked swollen, his eyelids swollen and puffed up.
“That's it!” I yelled as I then turned around and dashed toward the redneck. He screamed and a moment or two I was on him. Somehow between dashing toward him and dodging the beast I'd managed to take off my leather belt. That leather belt now became a handy weapon. I bounced on him, and looped the belt quickly around and started to strike him from all angles.
He howled and bellowed as the leather kissed his skin. Instead of fighting he cowardly raised his hands to block my blows.
“Y'all get this creeper off of me!” He bellowed as the leather struck him. He rolled over and I went after him. Striking him on his ass, his ear, on his back, on the back of his head and on shoulder. He whimpered and whined.
At this point the beast had awakened and was charging at me. I was a little too slow to act and I felt his fist driving driving into my jaw. I was knocked down from the blow of the punch. I saw colors and stars and felt all the wind leave my lungs. My ears were ringing.
“Fucking little queer lover!” The beast said as he brought his boots down upon my fingers. I bellowed, the pain was beyond measure and I thought that this was it. I was going to die here. I'd used the last of my strength up. My body had taken more abuse that it could handle. I could feel my blood mingling with the earth and feel bits.
I closed my eyes and then reached for a small rock, I picked the rock up and then using what I knew would be my last ounce of strength, I tossed the rock at the beast and hit him square between the eyes. He went down and did not get back up.
“Get you fucking friend!” I bellowed toward the redneck. Who was still shaking like the last remaining leaf on a bare branch in the face of the first taste of winter. “Get you fucking friend now!” I shouted as I rushed toward him, I'd picked my belt up and I gave him several good licks with it to get him to move. A little extra repayment for his insults. “And Cerridwen, a girl! A lady! Don't you dare forget it.”
I did not catch what he said. But he quickly scooped up his friend and placed him on his back and carried him away. It seemed I was the last one left standing. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I was too tired to move. My fingers were blistered, and I could barely see out of one eye. But I'd managed to smile a little as I eased down on the ground.
“Cerridwen I love you.” Was the last thing I remember saying as I laid down on the ground. With that I decided to close my eyes and try to regain some of my lost strength. I hoped the ringing of my ears would stop soon. And that maybe I would regain some feeling in my fingers.
Then as I just felt sleep starting to come over, I found the strength to sing. I often found myself singing when I was in pain or when the spirit moved me.
Life's true worth at last beginneth,
now my sinful eyes behold The Holy Land,
the earth that winneth fame for glories manifold.
I have won my lifelong prayer.
I am in the country where God in human shape did fare.
Lands, the greatest, goodliest, fairest, many such have mine eyes have seen;
O'er them all the crown though bearest.
Think what wonders have been!
From a maid a babe did spring,
O'er the angles host a king;
Was not that a wondrous thing?
Breathing hurt, singing hurt. My ribs felt like somebody had taken a hammer to them. The sun shone down on me, and I felt the strength starting to leave my body. Was this to how my life came to an end? Lying here in an abandoned parking lot? Beaten within a inch of my life? Why the man who had done the beaten had been carried away from the field with honor? Both had been carried away? To have their wounds tended to. To be nursed back to health again so they can bully again. God why?
Here He was baptized with water,
That men might be pure as He.
Here he let them sell Him Later,
That we thralls might so be free.
We had else been lost, I wis.
Spear, Cross, thorn, your praise it is!
Heathens, woe! Ye rage at this.
Of all the boyhood songs I could recall in my dying hour. I had to recall “Palastinalied '' why? What was my soul trying to tell me? Had I been wrong to fight for Cerridwen? Had I been wrong to fight for Jamie? Was I wrong to defend their honor, where was Christ in all of this? I'd been raised in a family that had been Episcopal for generations. My Grandmother had read me prayers from The Book Of Common Prayer before I knew up from down. She had demanded that I follow in my uncle's footsteps and enter into the Priesthood. She believed I would be a priest one day.
Did she know my struggle? Did she know I wished I had been born a girl? Maybe she did, she was a wise woman, who had an almost supernatural sense of the world. Maybe she hoped these prayers written in pure English would blot out that sinful desire. Maybe.. maybe this was for the best. Mom and dad were still young, mom could still give my big sister a little sister to cuddle and spoil. To take on adventures.
Down to hell the Son descended
from the grave wherein he lay.
Him the Father still attended
And the Ghost, whom no mam may
E'er disjoin; the three are one;
Shaft so smooth and straight there's none.
And then I felt it, a peaceful sleep came creeping over me and as the sun dipped down over the trees. I closed my eyes and forced myself to smile. Maybe God will get it right this time?
To be continued.
Daisy's Red Badge of Courage
A Prequel to “Daisy and Phantom Nurse”
Act III: A Bloody Red Badge
I felt myself being lifted off the ground a few moments later. At this point I felt a fever starting to form, and my fingers and legs were starting to tremble. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed two faces were peering down at me. Both belonged to teenage girls, one had blonde hair and blue eyes, the other had black hair and blue eyes. Angels? Had I really died and gone to heaven?
“Make me as beautiful as you two..” I said, trying to breathe a little. “I want to be a girl too..”
A moment of silence followed. And the blonde hair teenage girl or angel just blinked and the raven haired one blinked as well. Neither said a word as they gently rolled me to the side. I noticed they were rolling me toward a blanket of some kind.
“Easey does it now.” Another voice says. “The beast worked him over real good.” This voice was male. A boy with short brown hair and brown eyes was peering down at me. “Man this is bad.. But I don't think we need to take him to the hospital. Just get him to the tailgate of my truck and we can work on him.” He said, sighing.
“I got the first-aid kit here.” Another voice echoed in. This voice belonged to a teenage girl with long brown hair and deep blue eyes. “Mom on her way she wants to take pictures to show the paper! Oh GOD..” The voice echoed. It seemed so far away now.
“Him or her?” The blonde angel said as she gently pushed back my hair. “I guess it does not matter now, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Jesus, I thought it was bad when Linda slapped the dog shit out of me. Every inch of him or her is covered in bruises.”
“Was it really worth it? Are we really worth all this?” The raven haired angel said as she looked down. “If I knew all this trouble would have come from me wanting to be me, I would have just remained a boy.” She said, sounded on the verge of tears.
“He seems to think you're worth it.” The male voice said. “Now, stop with all that and get him on the tailgate of the truck and lay him down. Gotta get his pants and his shirt off of him. I think there are some wounds that need dressing under there. Look at that blood. Y'all get some plastic gloves on. This is going to be brutal.”
“I really think we should take him to the hospital! Him or her! It does not matter!” The raven haired girl said as she peered toward me.
“He'll be fine, just fetch me everything I have. Plus I don't trust those doctors at that band-aid station anyway. If we need to take him to some place, we'll place him in the back of my truck and take him to one of those good hospitals in Jackson or Madison. Last Spring Joe LeRoy snapped his ankle and that fellow down there at King's Daughter said he only had a bad sprang. Man went to school for eighteen years and can't even read a X-Ray. Jesus help us.”
“Ben.. let's focus on helping Daisy.”
“Yes.” The male voice said.
“The boy should have called me, I would have been right there with him.” The male voice added. “Jesus, I think I'm going to be sick. I've never seen shit like this. And I've cleaned deer before.”
“Get out of the way! Move it! Move it.” Another female voice. “Cerridwen fetch me that first aid kit. Ben! Get me your aid kit too you're in scouts too with him, so I know you got an advance first aid kit! I need everything you guys have.”
“Yes ma'am.” I heard a voice call out. The voice seemed so far away.
“I want to be a girl in the next life..” I muttered. Again silence. Cerridwen was she here? Was she in heaven with me too? Did the bullies get to her? I forced myself to sit up and I felt myself being pushed down.
“Easy, easy. We'll get you patched up in a jiff.” The female voice said in a soothing voice.
“Cerridwen fetch me that bottle of witch hazel.” I heard a female voice say. “And a roll of bandages please! Once I've applied the witch hazel to his or her chest, wrap them up for me please.”
“Yes ma'am.”
“Madeline, take off his shoes, and socks too.”
“Yes ma'am.”
“Ben, do you have a blanket or towel in your truck?”
“I gotta have a blanket.”
“Get it, something to rest his or her head on.”
“Girl, his toes or her toes.. they are bleeding! Cerridwen fetch me some rubbing alcohol.”
I tried my best to follow the conversation but my head was spinning around. My mouth was dry. I then something wet being pressed to my lips. I slowly opened my eyes and in front of me was Jamie. I blinked.
“I'm sorry for what I said..” I said slowly. “I'm so very sorry, you're a special person.. please take care of Cerridwen for me.. treat her like a sister, please..”
Jamie blinked and then pressed the top of something to my lips.
“Here is some water, drink it slowly. And here.. here some aspirin will bring down the swelling and help reduce the fever.” Her voice was gentle. I then felt somebody take my hand into their hand and I looked down and there was Cerridwen. She was stroking my hand and nuzzling it.
“Cerridwen.. I'm cold..” I said as I closed my eyes.
“Well..” The female voice said. “He or she is going to need some new socks. These are soaked with blood. Give me some plastic gloves and I'll remove them and see if we can't bandage these toes. I bet he or she is going to lose the nail to them anyway.”
“Shit! What was that guy wearing steel toe boots! He must have crushed the fuck out of them! Cerridwen turn your head!” The female voice said.
I then heard somebody vomit. I shuttered, it sounded wet and thick, and the smell of peanut butter and tuna fish and bacon. And oddly enough the smell conjured the mind of a wet wolf cub. I shuttered a little and slowly opened my eyes. And there hovering above me were two women. I noticed the outline of Cerridwen and then I noticed the outline of Jamie. Both seemed to be hovering around me.
“Hey..” I said, blushing a little. I noticed I was now shirtless. And the horrible smell of rubbing alcohol seemed to hang heavy around me and seemed to conjure up images of nurses and hospitals. I also noticed a roll of bandages being taped around my chest.
“Hey.. if it's fine if you want to be a girl, I can help you.” Cerridwen said smiling. “I love you, for who you are on the inside, not who you are on the outside.”
“Oh God..” Jamie said, looking down at my fingers. “Cerridwen! Cerridwen look away!”
“They're black and blue!” I heard her yell.
“More rubbing alcohol.” The female voice said as she splashed something on them. “A lot of it, Cerridwen, another bottle and more bandages!” She cried out.
I felt a shiver run down my spin as I felt my pants starting to slide down. “SHIT! His balls are the size of grapefruits! Jesus, how many times did he kick you down there!” It was a male voice. I wanted to die. I really did want to die.
“Come on there not.. holy shit!” It was Cerridwen again and I whimpered a little. “Oh GOD!”
“Get you mind out of the sewage ditch girl! Madeline there is an extra large t-shirt in my trunk kind of my sleeping shirt, get that for me please. I'm not touching that, but his pants are soaked.. There are some lightweight sleeping pants there too. There baby blue so.. go ahead and get them too.”
“Yes ma'am.” Madeline said as she pushed me down on the gate. I was awake now, groggy but awake and I could feel the warmth of the late afternoon sun shining down on me. I noticed that Cerridwen was bandaging my fingers, she was doing one at a time so I could still move them. A few seconds later Madeline returned holding a bag of clothes.
“I found a pair of plastic sandals in there!
“Slip the sleeping pants on her and tie them. Daisy I need you to stand up and try to hold your arms up straight.”
I did as I was told and felt the warmth of the pants and the warmth of the shirt. They both smelled like Jamie, or her body spray.
“They smell nice.” I said blushing as I felt her pushing me down.
“I spray all my clothes with my body spray. I'll buy you a bottle next time we're in the mall. I figured if you're going to a girl you need something beside old spice..” Jamie said, grinning a little.
“Speaking of old spice..” A male voice yelled.
A moment later I yelled. My head felt like it was on fire. My pain echoed and I wanted to really die. I saw red and my whole body started to tremble. My fingers and my body started to twitch. What the fuck had just happen.
“Sorry.. that's all we had. We need to clean the wounds on your head..” The male voice said looking down. “Y'all should do something with his hair too! He looks like a girl, and I figured that he going to need to get a lift back to town with one of y'all since mom would ask questions if she saw me with him. Plus, with that hair of his, and his blue eyes I think you and Jamie could pass for sisters.”
“I'll take her home.” Jamie said blushing. “I'll tell mom about this and we'll tell her uncle is out of town and his aunt is visiting somebody in Memphis. And I don't want to leave her alone. Mom and dad would want her to stay with us anyway. We have a spare bedroom too. Lily home for college too, so she can help me watch her.”
“What with all this 'Her' and 'She' stuff. I thought Daisy was a boy. A girly looking boy, but a boy nonetheless.” Ben said as he peered toward Jamie.
“Ben.. at this point I'm not sure. But given the way they are dressed. I think it's best if we keep using 'Her' and 'She' at least in our own little group. I'll give Cerridwen a lift.. no scratch that, she stays too. They can share a bedroom. I doubt anything would happen given the..”
“I guess..” Ben said, sighing. “You know, I'll look after them both. Madeline, why don’t you go ahead and send Matthew a text message saying that he and I need to saddle up and ride the bounds. It looks like there is going to be a war before long. And damn I thought all that trouble was behind us. I'm getting too old for all this bullshit, I'm a Junior.”
“Right, just don't end up like Daisy.” Madeline said as she pulled out her phone. “Mom says she got held up in traffic. But she is going to raise hell at the next board meeting with the town selectmen. She blames that wacko pastor down at South Side Baptist Church for getting everybody stirred up.” She said, sighing.
“And I'm going to tell Daddy what happened. Daddy is on the board of directors. I'll tell him what happened. I guess I let my guard down. Daisy was right though, I do sometimes forget that I have certain privileges.”
A dead silence filled the air. And then Jamie bent down and kissed my forehead.
“But I guess God made little sisters to keep us big sisters humble.” She said smiling. “So girls, I need a vote! Pigtails or a braided ponytail!”
“Braid.” I heard Madeline say. “Tie this at the end of the braid.
Through the haze I saw Madeline hand Jamie a ribbon. The ribbon was stripped, the ribbon had two layers of blue, two layers of pink and one middle layer of white. I blinked. I have seen that type of ribbon before and seen that kind of flag flying around Benton before.
“Here Cerridwen I'll braid your hair too.” She paused. “And tie a matching ribbon at the bottom of your braid.” She said as she motioned for Cerridwen to sit down on the ground in front of her.
“Okay..” Jamie said blinking. “I'm not following.” She said as she placed the ribbon to the side. Then saw her reach into her purse and pull out a brush. She then started to brush the tangle mess my hair had become out. I almost purred as she did so, the soothing strokes of the brush did more to ease the pain that any of the foul smelling potions.
“We will all wear our hair braided. All of us will have this ribbon tied to the end of our braids. Us girls anyway.. sorry Matt and Ben but your hair is a bit too short.” Madeline said.
“Why the ribbon?” Cerridwen asked. “I know what the ribbon means, but..”
“Because Daisy might one of us and we want her to feel included. Plus we want to show the bullies that we all stand together! One arrow along can be broken, but when bundle three or more together it's almost impossible for you to break them. I think what Madeline is saying is we are like those arrows, together each of us can be broken. But if we all stand together then none of us can!” Jamie said as she started to braid my hair. I felt tears starting to form at the edge of my eyes.
“Each bruise Cerridwen.” Ben said as she leaned over and peered down at me. “Was a bloody red badge of courage. Each bruise is proof of I guess I'll say her courage. That ribbon, though I guess shows she belongs to a sisterhood.”
“Jamie?” I think I heard Madeline say as she peered toward Ben.
“Yes?” Jamie seemed a bit on edge.
“Make sure Ben marries you and not some other guy.” Madeline paused. “I think you struck gold when you stumbled upon him.” Madeline said grinning. “Anyway we've done all we can. So we either take her Jamie's and let her rest. Or we take her to Kind Slaughter's Hospital, and let them put her through the ringer.”
“King Slaughter's Hospital?” I said finally managing to open my eyes enough to see where I was. “Why do y'all call it that.” I said, shivering a little. Jamie's sleeping clothes felt nice and comfortable. And smelled really nice too. Looking down I noticed I did kind of look like a girl, though I would have wanted something more loose fitting, light a cotton nightgown or something.
“Cause, it's a slaughter house. Everybody in Benton has their own King Slaughter's horror story. Mine came when I just moved here around five years ago. I was helping Kayla clean out a barn when I stumbled into a nest of Red Wasp and they stung shit out of me. Anyway long story short she drove me to the ER and I spent nine and a half hours waiting around. And when they finally saw me, they kept throwing up my dead name like it was some kind of sport.” Madeline said with a sigh.
“We're not taking her to King Slaughter's..” Cerridwen said. “I hate that place!”
“Dead named you too?” Madeline said with a grin. “They love to do that to us transgender kids. I would have her taken there just so she can get checked out. But given how she dressed right now. And how well we've gone and bandaged her up. I think the most they will do is give her a handful of pills and send her up the river to Jackson way. You know the head doctor down there, he gets kick backs for every person he sends to Jackson to get their head looked at.”
“What?” I said I was barely catching a word in ten.
“I'm saying the head doctor would take one look at you sweet pea, and say you're confused in the head that you need a proper haircut and need to man up. He would then use his power as a doctor to have you strapped down and put in the back of a flying meat wagon and next thing you know, you will be locked up in a room covered with pillows and wearing a jacket that makes you hug yourself. And all of that pretty hair would have been cut from y'all head.” Madeline said with a shrug of her shoulder.
“Anyway..” Jamie said.. “Let get our sister home.”
“I'll carry her..” Cerridwen.
“What won't she be too heavy for you?” I heard Madeline ask as she peered toward Cerridwen.
“She is my heroine.” Cerridwen said. A few seconds later I felt her lifting me up. I did not know she was that strong but she carried me in her arms. Without thinking I started to nuzzle into the crook of her arms.
“She is a heroine to us all.” Jamie said smiling.
“She is one tough cookie for sure. Little too much pepper at times. But what can you do, I guess we need to work on curving that a little.” I shifted my eyes toward Madeline and then closed them.
“But I agree with Cerridwen and Jamie, she is a heroine to all of us. She stood up for what she believed in, took one heck of a whooping for it, and yet she was still standing. She has plenty of grit, and as my mom would say 'She's full of piss and vinegar'. I don't agree with that saying now. But y'all know my mom is just a simple old fashioned farm girl Grandmother worried herself into the grave trying to make her a proper southern belle.” Madeline added.
“She's going to need all that fire for the task ahead I'm afraid. But we've all been through the ringer. This big old word has tried it best to force us to be something we knew we were not. And like Jamie said, we're not alone in this fight. We have each other to lean on. And some mighty fine fellows, true gentleman of the south they are. But still, each of us are sisters. And she is the newest sister.”
That was the last thing I remember hearing. I fell asleep soon after. Little had I known that I might have taken the first few steps to becoming who I'd wanted to be all along. I still have that cord of ribbon they tied around my braid. And I've since ordered a full size flag in the same colors to hang on the wall of my bedroom. It is a symbol for me, a badge of honor more sacred to me than I've earned as a scout. Because it connects me to a world wide sisterhood.
The End.