Somewhere.
Yvette looked at her brother, Nathan, through the crack in the doorway to their parent’s bedroom. She had thought she heard a noise in what should have been an empty house. Their parents were working late as usual. Nathan was supposed to be at Jim’s home; his only friend from his elementary school. Yvette deleted the “911” from her iPhone and slid it into the back pocket of her faded skinny jeans.
He seemed to be lost in thought. It wasn’t like Nathan to enter their parent’s bedroom without at least one of them home. What she saw next was a bit more of a shock. Her 9 year old younger brother picks up a tube of lipstick and drags it across his lips.
Yvette with a silent giggle remembered herself at the same mirror when she was 7 years old. Though then, Nathan was just a newborn and their mother was too busy attending to him to notice Yvette borrowing a tube of lipstick and pressing the pigment to her lips depositing the reddish brown tint across her lips. Of course, she drew it from corner to corner and back again. She looked like a clown. She shook her head at the memory.
Some things have to start somewhere, she thought. Funny, that ‘somewhere’ was their mother’s vanity mirror, with a tube of lipstick. She wished she had a big sister to show her what she needed to know. But, being the eldest, means you have to blaze your own way. Staring at Nathan, she wondered what she would have to do as his big sister. Was Nathan experimenting or was this something more?
She watched on as Nathan put down the lipstick tube forgetting to retract it back into the base as he tried to cap it in vain, blunting the tip. Realizing his mistake he began to panic. He pulled the cap away revealing the damage he had just caused. Yvette couldn’t contain her giggle and Nathan shuttered at the thought that he had been discovered in a compromising position. He turned swiftly to see his sister smiling and shaking her head.
Nathan froze, wondering what would happen to him next. Realizing that the lipstick was still on his lips, he tried to drag the arm of his sweater across his lips to wipe it away. Yvette couldn’t stop laughing long enough to stop him from rubbing the lipstick on to his sleeve. The stain now more evident and the smeared lipstick was a sight too much for Yvette not to laugh at.
Nathan started to cry. His tears streamed down his cheeks. There was little he could do. He was caught almost literally red handed. The first sobbing words out of his mouth were “Please don’t tell mom.” He wondered what punishment would await him for entering their parent’s room without permission and destroying their mother’s favorite lipstick. Yvette looked at her little brother. “You know you’re in trouble, right?”
“Please! It won’t happen again! I promise. Please don’t tell on me!” Nathan pleaded with his sister.
“No, you are going to tell Mom what you did and accept whatever punishment they give you. They’ve always been fair.”
“I don’t want them to think I’m a freak!” Nathan continues his plea for his sister’s confidence.
“Why would they think you’re a freak?” Yvette walks over to Nathan trying to console him.
“Because that’s what the people at school call me everytime I do something ‘girly’.”
“Mom and Dad are not going to think you’re a freak. Come on, They should be home soon.”
“Please! You can’t tell them. Do you know what will happen to me if you told them?”
“I’m not going to tell them, you are. And it’s the 21st century they’ll understand.”
“No they won’t! They’ll send me away. I don’t want to be sent away.”
“What makes you think they’ll send you away?”
“Because that’s what happened to the last kid at school that acted like me. He was sent away and never came back.”
“Who told you that?”
“Jim. He said that I should hide whatever it is that makes me ‘girly’ so they won’t send me away.” Nathan was now trembling with fear.
“Calm down, Nathan. Jim doesn’t know anything. They don’t just send you away for being ‘girly’.”
“It happened. There was this kid! They always talk about this kid who had to go away because he was girly. He never came back!” Nathan began to cry harder. “I Don’t want that to happen to me!”
Yvette’s heart broke for her brother. There was so much panic in his voice. She let out a sigh. “Nathan. Look at me.” Yvette places her hands on his shoulders. His head was still down tears dripping to his sweater. “Nathan. Please, look at me.” She says softly. He turns his head up to meet her gaze. Tears welled up in her eyes. “I may be your sister, but I wasn’t born a girl. That kid was me.”
“You? How?”
“Well, we have to start somewhere. How about I start at the beginning? At that very same mirror…” Yvette smiles as Nathan pulls her into a hug.
Yvette's new life was just beginning. She was finishing college; she had her new job, new fiancée and she was ready to take on the world. The world had other ideas.
“No mom, everything is fine!” Yvette stands in her living room, phone to her head, a crumpled tissue in her other hand. The new diamond on her ring finger glinted from the sunlight that shone into her apartment. The hormones had made her much more emotional now that she was back on them.
Gender confirmation surgery through the University’s Medical Program was becoming more commonplace. It was no longer just a niche, boutique procedure relegated to a few, albeit skilled surgeons, in North America and around the globe for that matter. Having recovered, a long six weeks, Yvette would start her new job in a week.
Having GCS covered by the University and performed before she graduated, meant a tremendous burden, both social and financial, were off her shoulders. Unencumbered, she could start her position as a Junior Designer with her fiancee’s architectural firm. Well, not his firm exactly, it was his Uncle’s.
She had interned at Bradley, Connor, Mack & Wells for two years. A year earlier, Keith Bradley, was to give a presentation to a new client when he was rushed into surgery for appendicitis. Yvette noticing Keith’s dramatic decline in health rushed over to buoy Keith. He sat in a cold sweat on the chair, just half an hour before the presentation. Yvette frantically called the office.
When she saw that he was unconscious and she gave up on the call to the office and quickly called 911. The paramedics arrived and though she insisted on going to the hospital, a call from her company directed her otherwise. She and Keith weren’t actually dating, but she felt something for him. The company, asked her to stay and wait for Mr. Carl Bradley to arrive and start the presentation in Keith’s stead.
Keith left the building in an ambulance and representatives from her company’s new big client were staring at her. She knew the presentation. Keith had practiced it over two dozen times with her. She was only a Junior in college, but working with Keith as a mentor gave her valuable insight. “Well, Ms. Evans? Will Mr. Bradley be in soon? We do have another meeting scheduled.” She tried to plead with them for just enough time for Mr. Bradley to arrive. She knew how important it was. It was to no avail. They were about to close the doors for the meeting when she took a deep breath, walked in and delivered the presentation herself.
Mr. Bradley arrived, in time watch the young woman give the presentation and answer questions from the client’s representatives. This was supposed to be a test for his young nephew. The young intern in his stead, not only saved the presentation, but had enthralled the client. The revelation that she was an intern, only raised her profile. Soon, she was sought after by headhunters. With three job offers lined up for the moment she matriculated (at least one year away), including one from Bradley-Conner. A month after the presentation, she gleefully accepted Mr. Bradley’s offer which included a second year long internship, and a bonus to pay for her final year at the University.
“You’d be proud of Nicole, she’s doing really well at school.” Her mother continued. Her mother loved keeping Yvette up on Nicole's life. Unlike Yvette, Nicole was popular. Yvette had a rough childhood and it was even more so in her teenage years. Yvette had no-one to guide her early in her life. Her parents had been resistant to accept her as the girl she knew she was. It was only when she had attempted suicide that they finally listened. She was taken from her school sent to therapy, joined by her parents. Ultimately, the recommendation was to allow her to transition. Reluctantly, her parents obliged.
Nicole, was a different story. Born Nathan, she was caught by Yvette who was able to guide the young scared boy away from the isolated path Yvette, herself, had walked. Nathan became Nicole and the young girl’s life was transformed. She grew up surrounded by her friends who supported her. She was on hormone blockers from the first signs of puberty. She remained petite, pretty and grew popular. Yvette was happy for Nicole. Her younger sister had only to deal with the challenges of growing up from a young girl to a young woman. There was no hiding, like Yvette had to do, no fighting to be herself, no emotional scars of having to convince everyone who she really was. Nicole’s life was what Yvette wished she had growing up. She envied Nicole.
“So, when are you fly down?” Yvette, interrupting her mother list of activities that her sister was involved in freshmen year. She had yet to share the news of her engagement.
“Oh, we’ll be down in time for your graduation of course. It will be great to see my eldest daughter giving the commencement address to her class!”
“Mom, I’m nervous about the speech as it is.”
“Quit trying to fool your mother, I know my daughter… You've rehearsed the speech a hundred times already. You probably know it by heart and the ceremony is still two weeks away.”
Her mother was right. She had plenty of time to write, perfect and memorize the speech. She only had one class and that was for her thesis. She had completed it weeks ago and her advisor had accepted and submitted it. She knew that the recovery after her surgery would make it impossible to focus on her thesis. She took classes on top of her internship last summer to ensure that her final semester would be light.
“What airline are you taking to get here?” She asked nervously. She knew the answer, she was hoping they would fly commercial instead.
“Oh no, your father insists on flying.” Her mother anounnced in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Mom... You know how much I hate to worry. I worry when you and dad fly. Can’t you just take a commercial flight down?”
“Nonsense dear, your dad is a skilled pilot and we’d still have a 4 hour drive if we took a commercial flight. The airport is 20 mins away from the University if we flew there directly.”
Yvette gave an exasperated sigh. “Fine, just, please be careful, I gotta go mom.”
“Okay sweetheart, I’ll let you go”
“Mom?” Yvette stares at the diamond on her finger.
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too. Bye sweetheart.”
Those were the last words she would hear from her mother. Their plane would never arrive. Yvette cried for days following the news. Keith tried his best to console her. The University thought it best to cancel her commencement address. She delivered it anyway. Her tearful address and the two empty chairs at the ceremony was, at the time, the most difficult experience of her young life. The funeral the week after, she knew, would be worse.
Her thoughts on the drive up to her hometown, were on her sister, Nicole. The young teen was staying with her best friend, Sandra, when the news broke. Sandra’s parents agreed to take care of Nicole until Yvette returned. Yvette’s road trip took longer than she thought. She refused Keith’s offer to drive up with her. She knew he had an important presentation and could fly up afterwards in time for the funeral. She regretted her objection now, after having to pull to the side of the road, a fifth time, just to sit and weep.