Extinction and choices till then

I'll put a CAUTION on this. I'm likely to get pretty dark. Somewhere in here I expect to dig into existential angst. You have been warned,

We seem to have an optimism bias. I suppose that it serves us well as an evolutionary adaptation. Regardless of the prognosis we tend to assume that we will be among those who come through OK. It's one of the things that I admire about all of us. It's one of the things that makes it worth doing what we can to get through the next day. Regardless of how depressing it is we find the ray of sunshine. Those of us who survive assume that it is because we are special. We see ten to one odds and assert that someone has to win. It might as well be me. We see a million to one odds and pool together with our coworkers to buy lottery tickets. When they pass my cube I say "There are two kinds of people. Those who buy lottery tickets and those who understand math." Then I hand them five bucks. Who knows. I might win.

I've been dipping into the news again. And there does not seem to be much to be hopeful about. At least not in the long run. There has been a climate news item running the rounds lately. Let me see if I can find a link. Um. Here is one. Please don't read this. It's very depressing. We're all prone to depression. I know that I tend to wallow in it like a pig. But you don't need to dive in after me.

Do you know who Guy McPherson is? He's another of those climate scientists who is convinced that we are not going to survive this. The scenarios are pretty grim. But likely if I live to be one hundred I'll see it.

As a fifty mumble year old suffer of extreme testosterone poising I suspect that rationalization comes with the chemistry. And so I guess that it is probably time to stop fantasizing about playing dress up and start playing dress up. I mean If what I've said is true then there is no time to waste. And if what I've read is false then there is still no time to waste.

So why do I not just do it? Why am I so afraid to bring it up with my wife and ask her permission to waste money buying stuff so that I can playing dress up? Why is it so hard for me to just talk about it with her? Sure there is all the stigma stuff and the "boys don't do that" stuff and the fact that at my age and condition I'll never even come close to looking authentic. I make lists on my computer and compare products and decide on outfits that might look OK. But what could possibly look OK on an ageing couch potato who likes beer too much and exercise too little?

I put an app on my phone called WeCroak. It's very simple. A few times a day it updates a quote about dying. Some of them are pretty good. The current one says: "The only thing that isn't worthless: To live this life truthfully and rightly, and be patient with those woh don't" Attributed to Marcus Aurelius. For me the point of the app is to remind me that putting things off is not worth it.

Even if we will have destroyed our habitat on this planet before I turn one hindered an one. it is still worth taking risks and trying to do what makes us happy. I'm still too scared to bring it up. What a chicken shit little man I am.

Peace, Love, Grace