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Please Help Me!
It seems like more and more often we are hearing in blogs from people who are very unhappy because they will never be the ideal feminine person their mind tells them they were born to be.
When I go to the mall — which is almost never — even though I live just miles from Mall of America — I look at the women and try to decide which ones I would want to be.
Surprisingly I know that if I had the opportunity to trade places with the vast majority of them I would not want to do it. I’m handsome. It’s not what I want to be. . . .but I’d rather be a handsome, happy, male than a dumpy female.
I’m going purely by looks here because I know nothing about the financial situation, the marital status, etc. of the women I’m comparing myself to.
Years ago I got fed up with all the stories about magical changes into a homecoming queen. I wrote a story about a realistic situation called Real Life Test. Most people on this site who read that story don’t like it because it forces them to think about real decisions rather than fantasy.
But life ain’t a fantasy. My date for senior prom was our homecoming queen. She was an absolute beauty and our valedictorian. At our fortieth reunion I finally found out she was being sexually abused by her father during high school. Yep — life ain’t a fantasy.
But I’m missing the point I wanted to make.
Many here say they’ll never pass so they can’t be happy. That’s crap.
Does anyone have a handy-dandy list of things people with such feelings can do to make themselves feel better about life? I remember reading somewhere that the University of Minnesota recommends paying special attention to your personal grooming and male wardrobe.
Anyone have ideas to ease the pain?
Jill
Angela Rasch
Comments
"... going purely by looks..."
Going purely by happiness, I've always thought looks are over-rated. A beautiful gal walks into a bar with a scowl, a plain gal walks in with a big smile? I wanna dance with the happy one.
Michelle
(Same for the boys)
I thoght I'd never pass
but I overlooked one important fact; unless you're built like a brick outhousek, it's as much how you feel and project as how you look. True, I was never Beauty Queen material, I wasn't the product of beautiful people. I was average this, that and everything else. Even my father once said "but you don't even look like a woman" - as if that mattered a scrap from what I had felt between the ears since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. In nineteen hundred and frozen to death, in the depths of the country, information about my situation was non-existent.
But there have been sacrifices. I was never dating material; I lurched through life just waiting for it to end as calmly and peacefully as possible.
Then, in 2002, I could take no more of the pretense and I transitioned. There are pros and cons. I hope that I can live my life, in my retirement, free of the straitjacket into which my family and society forced me for so many years. Against this must be set the probability that I will never find that special person with whom to share the rest of my life.
I am, however, having a lot of fun; alone but not lonely. Friends say that they like me because I'm helpful, fun to be around and cheer them up. Most of my friends know nothing of my past or, if they do, they haven't mentioned it.
Yes, I look at other women and girls when I'm out and think I'd love to look as good as they do. But I have no idea if they find their lives as fulfilling as I find mine.
S.
I dont know about "passing"
but for the most part, when i go out, i dont seem to attract much negative attention. Would i like to be pretty, you bet. lets face it, life is easier if you look good. But baring that, i just want to be me without wondering when i am going to get my face kicked in by some guy looking to play "pound the tranny". As long as i can have that, i will be ok.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
One Of The First Things That Should Happen
One of the first things that should happen before embarking on transition is acceptance of yourself, before you should expect others to a accept you as a woman. I didn't say to myself"I want to look like Cindy Crawford" or some other pretty woman. I knew that was unrealistic. I just wanted to be the girl I felt I was inside on the outside. I didn't care if I didn't look as pretty as another woman. Women and even men don't all look the same anyway. That is reality. I have been lucky in that when I go out somewhere or speak on the phone, I am taken for a woman and that is good enough for me. I know what you are saying about some girls who have this woe is me attitude because they may not pass well. When we realize who we are at a very young age, we know we are girls inside, no matter what the mirror shows us when we look in it. We struggle for a lot of years to bring the girl we are to the surface. We might be disappointed that the girl, doesn't match exactly who we imagine or want, but the girl still remains inside of us no matter what. We can go online and create an avatar of our ideal look, even if it might not be based on the reality of how we really look. Beauty is really inside and it projects itself outward. Physical beauty fades over time.
Cindy? I doubt she will hold up well. More average can be better
A supermodel of a few years before her, IE her career as ending as Cindy's took off, Paulina Porizkova
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paulina_Porizkova
Made a comment recently that large breasted/voluptuous women tend not to look so good as the age. IE gravity usually wins. And she should know as is one. I remember her back when she was a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition gal three years in a row and she was a Boris Valio painting come to life.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boris_Vallejo
http://www.imaginistix.com/
I mean WOW! Actually she has aged fairly well and is a mom of two, still married to the lead singer of The Cars, but admits to not being swimsuit edition material anymore. So our dear Cindy Crawford is likely to ... well. See, less generously endowed women HAVE an advantage.
More seriously, speaking as a guy, though shear physicality catches my eye it is not just the body that makes someone attractive. I have met some very lovely women that give off negative vibes Ooooh how 1960s! Then I have known far less physically good looking gals who I have fanaticized about marring and ... Oh mamma! A gruff, pushy, superior attitude is a turn off. A genuine smile, a generous nature, a confident but not in your face kind of confidence will win me over anyway. But big hooters don't hurt.
Ack! My inner 13 year old is being a very bad boy again. Actually most of the ladies I have had serious crushes on have tended to be of average height or even shorter than average and modestly built. Perhaps it is self doubt but overly pretty gals can be intimdating and come off as cold.
Though a positive attitude is not everything it sure can go a long way.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
I'll Never Pass
But that's not the end of the world. There's the world of this site and some other higher class sites of this genre. I can go there. I might write about a different world where the unrealistic becomes more realistic. If I can avoid sticking my foot and leg up to mid-thigh in my mouth, maybe, I could once in a while offer someone some comfort to someone. Maybe I can put on a good chick flick, and cry a bit at the right places and not feel out of character for doing it. I'll drop a few bucks into the Salvation army bucket the next time I pass one. If it snows, and it probably won't here, I'll think about the beauty of it and not how damn cold it is. Nature is wonderful, even if she didn't get the chromosomes correct. I might think about how the changes in the approach to the transgendered are allowing some to transition earlier and earlier. Most of them will pass. I'll let their happiness be my happiness. I'll have a glass of wine (or two) and some Stilton and think how fortunate I am to have people who are willing to fight for this country, even though I don't agree with why they are fighting at the moment. I'm glad I retired from the military nearly 23 years ago and don't have to worry about it. I'll never pass, and I wasn't particularly good looking as a male either. but, that's life. In the big scheme of things, life is always fair. It doesn't discriminate, it just happens. Portia
Portia
Very good point
Handsome eh? single? ;-)
"Many here say they’ll never pass so they can’t be happy. That’s crap." I totally agree with that. I think expectations are so unreal because many want to look like their wet dreams or younger or entirely different body types. Go to the mall, go to the grocery store and open your eyes wide. What percentage of the women that you see live up to those expectations. How many of the large percentage of women you do see do you think you could emulate. The plain and average ones? Heck, the Barbies we envy would make even average women dysphoric and we are upset that we cannot be like them? Thats right up there with being upset because you can't be a furry of some kind, get over it. All girls want to be something or someone they cannot. Thats one of the hard lessons of growing up.
To those who think they are undesirable, there are a lot of women that would rather have a man (sorry) that is deeply in touch with their feminine side than a clueless bubba.
If you can afford it, get electrology done. Not having to go through the male ritual does wonders, not having the dark folicles under the skin makes a huge difference.
Do some sweet little things for yourself.
Put a bottle of hand lotion on your desk and use it. Its a nice pick me up and a reminder to youself of your feminine side.
Take pride in yourself, your appearance and your grooming. It does not cost anything to iron your clothes, look and smell nice. If you have to present as a man there is nothing wrong with being sharp and sexy at any age. Some of the most masculine men I have met are also the sweetest and sexiest and have no problems with their feminine side.
If you cannot afford to have it done, keep your nails manicured, all 20 of them. You don't have to wear polish on them but there are wonderful foam sanding sticks with three grades of abrasive, the last will put a shine on your nails that is quite nice but does not look like polish.
Whiten your teeth. Its all the little things.
Take some time for yourself, meditate, clear your mind. Try to resolve unfinished business.
Any finally how you interact with others, be an attractive person. Happy people are more attractive.
When my father suffered from depression
My Dad's doctors recommended that he shower, shave and get dressed in nice clothes first thing every morning. And if he did some work that required him to dress down, he should shower again and get dressed up. He was to treat himself to something every day, a nice meal, a new book or just a cup of coffee in a restaurant. He did that stuff. He ended up meeting one of the local retired TV actors, a man who did stunts and played villains most of his career. They became friends and my Dad remembered the things he himself did well, working with his hands, talking with people. It really helped.
Not much in the way of advice for just anyone but for some people it will work.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
My doctors have had similar advice.
My friends just tell me I will have to live with this body, and deal with my problems. As a "friend" recently told me, why put lipstick on a pig?
Wren
x
nevermind
The Potato says:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o4jTclx61Tc
My Take
I was born a boy and I will die a boy and inbetween I can only look at girls with envy but live has been good as I have a great wife who understand my femme side and has allowed me to indulge now and then and lets me be on this wonderful site with out a hassle OH did I forget to tell you that I have 2 wonderful boys now men who love thier dad LIVE IS GOOD
HUGS RICHIE2
What do you mean you can't pass?
A number of years ago, I had a co-worker who was taller than me, bigger boned, suffered from severe pizza face when a teenager, and didn't even have a very feminine physique. In short, she was about as far from the feminine ideal as you can get. But, when you were in the presence of Nan Doll, there was no doubt you were in the presence of a confident and sweet woman.
Without realizing it, she taught me my most profound lesson... Femininity comes from the heart and from your mind. Above all, a pleasant smile is the most feminine thing you can wear.
With the right attitude (and a close shave) you could dress up like a lumberjack (and you're OK) and pass. So, I say, it's time to leave your pity party and enjoy the rest of your feminine life. You go, girl!
Linda Jeffries
Too soon old, too late smart.
Linda Jeffries
Too soon old, too late smart.
I wish I knew...
I wish I knew... I suspect that many are suffering from the same feeling of inadequacy that marketing has drummed into women's heads for the last Who knows how many years...
Then, you hear the horror stories...
We also look at ourselves, and see - what we've always seen... And the world thinks is a guy.
Seems to me, that our whole society could do with a good dose of reality... Are there times I'd like to be beautiful? yeah. I'll admit to it. But, most of the time, I believe I'd be happy to have a face that doesn't so easily cry "guy"... *shrugs*
Is there a magic cure? No. I also look at the other girls/ladies around town... I've seen the variety. For me, personally... MOST of the time, I'd be satisfied with an appearance that said "female" when someone looked at me. A little attractive would be nice. But, drop dead gorgeous? No. I don't think so. That'd draw attention, and I'm not looking for that! (It'd also likely cause jealousy in the house which would be a BAAADDDD thing.)
There's my 3 cents... (If it's worth that much.)
Anne
Nice, if it works for you.
Yeah, I'm one of the depressed ones. I'm really not looking to be anyone's ideal of an "ideal" woman. I would be happy to be passable. I'm not, and never shall be. I'm huge, muscular and imposing. It would be nice if I could be a handsome, well-adjusted male. I'm not, and never shall be. I'm a 51 year old, monstrous freak. People are afraid of me the way I am NOW. if they knew what was going on in my head, I'd be institutionalized.
I have never been "normal", and once again, it ain't gonna happen. I'm too nice, and people take advantage of that. I have my friends, both here and in real life, and I have a wife who does her best to understand me and loves me very much. I've been told that I am too open, and too easily hurt, and that I carry that hurt with me.
Yeah, I annoy people with my depression. So what? I don't expect you to understand. You can't. "I'd rather be a handsome, happy, male than a dumpy female." Wow. That choice isn't on my option list, either, and it kind of hurts that you think you have any idea what I feel like.
Wren
How is it so Wren?
Angela said nothing about thinking she knew what you felt like, how could she know? Her expressing how she feels and what she thinks takes nothing away from you does it? I don't feel she was trying to blow sunshine up anyones skirt.
In spite of your depression you appear to have some inner beauty and in this reality, thats all we really see here isn't it?
Maybe I read more into it, but...
I definitely felt like I should bge keeping my whining to myself, and I probably should. It's nobody's problem but mine, after all. I'm generally not such a downer, really I'm not! I've just gone through some crap with some of my "friends". and it just hurts right now. I know that there are several good friends on this site, and they all want me to feel better. I wish ... oh, hell, I'm gonna stop doing that! I don't want to be bottomless depression pit, so that's the last you'll hear of that!
Wren
Wren . . . This Is the Place
I can see how you could interpret my words as you have. That was NOT what I meant and this blog was not focused on you.
Big Closet is a wonderful place to vent. Most of us need to vent, perhaps all of us. There's nothing wrong with that.
The point of my blog was that there are alternatives to sitting and wishing without taking any positive steps to deal with your problem.
One time when I was really depressed I found myself in my car going to a gun shop to buy a "solution". I had been horribly mistreated in an egregious manner and thought the best thing for me to do was shoot the bastard. Halfway there I came to my senses and pulled over to have a good cry. In the end I found out that other than stealing $millions from me the person hadn't hurt me in any material way. Money can always be replaced.
Another time I found that a person I had trusted had damaged my reputation within our industry years ago without me knowing it. It explained why it had been so damned hard to grow my business. For weeks I walked around in a horrible funk. Then I realized I had grown my business despite that handicap, which made me feel much stronger.
We all need to deal with our "problems". Venting on BC is one way of doing it. You're a compassionate person who writes beautiful, romantic stories. If you feel the need to talk openly about your personal situation, a blog on BC is exactly the place to do it.
I'm pleased with all the positive ideas expressed in this thread. Although I'm sorry you and probably others felt injured by this blog, I think in total it has been a good thing.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Don't worry about it, Angela!
My "sister" is sensitive and easily hurt. She always forgives, though. I know you weren't talking about her, really. She just never grew a thick skin. I've got it covered.
Bear
Maybe I read more into it, but...
I definitely felt like I should bge keeping my whining to myself, and I probably should. It's nobody's problem but mine, after all. I'm generally not such a downer, really I'm not! I've just gone through some crap with some of my "friends". and it just hurts right now. I know that there are several good friends on this site, and they all want me to feel better. I wish ... oh, hell, I'm gonna stop doing that! I don't want to be bottomless depression pit, so that's the last you'll hear of that!
Wren
If I can be so bold to sum it up
... it just is. If you have the bucks one can buy beauty ( eg FFS ) but all the other stuff is still up to the person. And I would not want it any other way.
In my prime, I thought of myself as on the pretty side in RL but hardly drop dead gorgeous unless I have been through a major effort with make up and hair then I can look on the high end of very pretty but still short of 'gorgeous'. *shrugs*. And yes, I do pass.
Point is? I have not engaged with life outside of work as much as I should so in a sense I have not lived up to the potential my looks had given me. And ultimately it is what you do with what you have is most important and makes you as complete a person as one can be.
Looks can open doors but once that happens the opportunity can only be taken advantaged of by the person within.
Kim
I think too
that too much attention is paid to seeing the transition with or without various surgeries as the goal. It isn't - life is the goal. Integrating as the desired sex, living a full and satisfying life; which seeing as many people who are born into the right sex, don't have, perhaps we need to turn our perspectives on to reality mode.
Would you really want to be female, if that meant being one in the Congo being raped or murdered by mercenaries or militias, or watching your family being murdered in Afghanistan while your father sold you to pay off his drug bill, or being sold into prostitution in Eastern Europe or South America.
Life is about making relationships and helping each other, and being the best you you can be. Too many of us chase dreams which even if we live them, discover they were just that, dreams.
Those of us who actually live the dream, and I'm fortunate(?) to be one, find it's still littered with pitfalls and booby traps. Life is tougher for women: as a slightly unusual woman, it's harder still. I don't regret it, I had to do it but the price is high and in pursuing my dream I sacrificed a marriage and have since lost one of my kids and my only grandchild. So the grass is only partly greener.
Angharad
Angharad
So the grass is only partly greener.
I try to ask people going into it that at best it's only an 80% solution, can you live with that?
debated
Do I comment on this one? Hmmm, yet here I am taking a chance...again. I mean let's see, I turned 40 a few months back, 10 years ish as Kris and 25 or so of searching and trying to understand and wondering and trying and failing and trying again. The journey cost me my family, I gave up the idea of marriage when I was in High School. Yet I did things and learnt and became me. Plus I had one family member that stuck. Friends? Ummm... not for some time but yes.
This year, one of my puppies died suddenly gasping and struggling in my arms on the lounge room floor. My Aunt, my only family in the strict sense gave up on her battle with cancer. My two only real friends in the here and now moved for work, another state, another country. So I'm alone except for one lovely silky girl puppy 8 going on 18 months and she knows more than she tells. Plus there are friends and family made here, some close, some not so but mutual respect and a degree of understanding and trust make a family of sorts. Yet....
It all takes its toll. I drink more than I should, have depressive moods and grey hairs are creeping in. See I have my vain moments. But I'm healthy, reasonably intelligent despite what some may believe and am usually a gentle and nice person.
Vanity? Oh yeah, I recall a conversation with my psych some years back. I'd taken the effort to dress nicely. Some light mid calf tan pants over plaited tan moccasins a soft cotton singlet top with a loose blouse on top. Hair combed. Face made up.... reasonably well. As I waited for the cab I got a whistle and then a... Oh Fuck What!!!... as they got a better look as the car drew close and then past.
"Nice outfit", he said as I nervously entered and sat to chat. "Yeah, but I sill look like a bloke" He smiled and we talked, he's good at that. "You're not ugly". I pondered, " no I'm not but.." He smiled some more and we talked some. The cost of bras... and stuff in general, the value of appearance and passing and self worth. Just one session of many.
I stand a pinch under 6 feet, I am no beauty, but like he said I'm not ugly. I don't really do uber girl though I have my moments. I am a tall slightly plain but decent enough, mostly passable, woman. If I had oodles of money I probably would have some little surgical interventions, not to mention... but short of a lottery win... As the few that have seen a pic will attest, my psych did not lie and nor did I.
It is what it is, we have to deal and make our choices. We are who we are. A smile beats a frown perhaps because the first is easier. I struggle, I survive, I live and the name you read here is who I am. I prefer to be liked, but I don't take it for granted. If I did and it mattered too much what others thought I would no longer be, simple fact.
Live, make your choices, be who you need to be or maybe can be. Just realise, life is usually not a story.
Kristina
I don't pass! I've learned not to worry about it.
Firstly I have to say I don't pass. I'm 64, I've reduced my dress size to a 14 and I've grown modest B Cup boobs with self prescribed hormnes. At any club at any venue I am immediately recognised as a transvestite despite being partially transexual!!!!! I just have to grin an bear it and make sure I'm enjoying myself. Fortunately, here in the UK most people to day at least don't attack me any more as they used to do in the sixties, seventies and eighties but I still have to endure the smirks and grins of the less sensitive twats who sometimes make an issue of my behaviour.
You see I just don't care any more, what other people think or say, I only react if they interfere with my enjoyment or worse, become aggressive towards me. I have had to learn to recognise danger and prepare to avoid it but that goes with the transgendered territory anyway and it always has. I'm 5'- 10" and would never, never pass. Mainly because I usually dress like a tart but that's my way of expressing my transgenderism!!!
My only advice to anybody who hates the fact that they can't pass is 'get used to it and make the best of what you've got. One important thing I have found is that losing weight and getting slender, goes a hell of a long way to helping one's perceptions of one's own self image. My most important 'self help therapy' is to go clubbing despite being 64.
Be brave and it's useful to find friends who share your problems, - no, 'problems' is the wrong word, - interests is a better word.
tvchix is one of the best places to find those friends in the UK, surely somebody can start a similar site in the US.
I go out trannying with a bunch of like minded individuals, some TV and some TS, (post and pre-op). It's the only way I can accomodate my needs.
Beverly.
Last week I was in 'The Old Library nightclub in Cardiff.' Five of us Trannies met up with a group of about ten straight girls who were hairdressers from the same salon on their Christmas party and simply wanting a 'girl's night out'. When they met us they were enchanted and we had a fabulous evening just dancing and fooling about. When we separated, as we five went on to a 'Gay club', the girls came up to us and thanked us profusely for giving them a wonderful time without all the usual boy/girl pressures that attach themselves to girls wanting to just have fun.
That's my thing. Just dancing and having fun. The rest of my life I simply get on with being en homme some of the time and en-femme for the rest and yes I do get funny looks, so what?. I've got no choice but to make the best of it.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
We all dream when we're young...
...but as we grow up, most of us learn that fairy tales are just that. We have to learn to adapt to that which we have.
Sure I would love to be something I never will be. But I believe that one can accept reality and still enjoy oneself. I see lots of people punishing themselves on this site, and that saddens me.
Remember, fiction is an incredible release. With fiction, we can temporarily be exactly as we want. By deleting two letters, we can turn unhappiness into happiness, yet so many more on this site write about the former than the latter.
I know I'm rambling as I write this, and I'm not particularly good at expressing myself, but to summarise:
Do I live in the closet? You bet.
Am I happy? Incredibly so, and I suspect far happier than the vast majority of people who visit this site.
My conclusion. Happiness is self induced. If you want it, you have to work for it. Perhaps the first step is to start writing happy stories. Stories that make others smile, rather than cry. That would do everyone a favour.
Well, I try to do that!
Almost all of my stories are optimistic. I'm a huge softy. I cry at the drop of a hat, but everything has a happy ending. As I've often said, I'm a "fluffy bunny" type. I seldom write stuff (except for blogs, of course!) that could be considered depressing. Right now I'm working on a comedy, but it keeps coming up sweet and sentimental. I think this is a weakness, to tell you the truth. Ive been trying to write something nasty, but it came up disgusting and unacceptable. I guess it's a work in progressw!
Wren
Figuring out who I am
Hi Angela,
I've been rather absent when it comes to BC lately, so excuse me if I've missed some history or ongoing discussion. The relief I found was by going out and being me - the Alison me. It was a real challenge at first, because I didn't want to look like some dumpy woman either. This difference is that I don't think I'm all that attractive as a man either. I also thought I would never pass. But when I made a go of it about 6 years ago I learned some pretty amazing things, about society and myself. I figured out I don't need to pass perfectly to have people still accept me. Once I realized that, passing became much easier because I was able to just be. I'm not talking about family and close friends. They have a history with you and are afraid to lose the 'you' that they know (and rightly so). Any major change will be upsetting to most of them, but not because of how you look.
My second time out I was in the skyway in downtown Minneapolis on a winter morning. I had stopped to look in my purse for something. One sweet woman stopped and made some comment about how I looked good and passed well. She also gave me some outfit advice. A little upset, I said "But you figured me out." I had gone on two morning outings without people staring, so I assumed I must be passing pretty well. She said she figured me out because I looked terrified. But she also told me to look around. Noone else was reading me, and if they did they didn't care.
Now, a half dozen years on, I get out a couple of times a month. I have figured out who I am as Alison. I also figured out I should be Alison full time. I now go about my Alison life confident in who I am. I have real interactions with real people. What I have found is that when you are confident in who you are and approach people as though there is nothing out of the ordinary, most will respond in kind. I pass fairly well, though not great up close. But they can tell who I am, who I want to be, and that's good enough me, and good enough for them. I am also not going to lie about the real me if I'm asked, and don't mind giving a little gender education if people are interested.
But you mentioned trying to figure out what sort of woman you would like to be. It is relieving that I have figured it out, even if I only look like her every few weeks. I've figured out who Alison is inside and what she looks like. I've made friends with women as Alison, women who treat me like Alison even when I look like Al. It is a little frustrating, changing back, waiting for the next opportunity. But overall it has been rewarding.
Angela, if you really want to see what I mean or chat about it a little more about your question we could meet for coffee sometime. Admittedly my Alison time is usually weekdays during the day, not the best time for most people. I'll be out as Alison running errands this Tuesday and have lunch scheduled with a friend, but if you want to meet for coffee in the morning at about 9:00 or later in St. Paul or Minneapolis drop me a PM.
Alison
It is all in the mind
I fully believe that passing is all in ones mind. I've seen genetic women who look like guys in a dress and the opposite a guy so effeminate he is taken to be female. I used to be afraid to go out my front door, now I fly or dive out of state spend aweek wherever I want to go.
I was told by a friend that if I didn't believe in myself how could I get others to believe in me.
I've been living full time for over five years. I have a retired military ID card with my feminine name and picture. I bedlongto a combat veterans group for those with PTSD combat related. I attend many social funt ions and attend church as a female.
I attend to myself, eyebrows thin and shaped, electrolysis has taken care fo the five o'clock shadow and unwanted facial hair. I get my nails done every two weeks and my hair done once a week all at salons that cater to women. I fit right in, thwere are genectic females who look like therio tetosterone is higher than mine.
I hold three positions wiht a national grass roots movement. I wen tfrom being afraid of my own shadow and negative comments to I am who I am.
In the spring I'll be speaking to a statewide police conference, they asked me to speak after two years of standing before small groups.
There is no magic pill and in mylifetime I don't expect to see one created. But I have my own perspective and that is I am me and if others don't like it that's their problem not mine
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.