This is gonna be a long one, my friends.

So. I'm virtually done with my 7th month in RLT, and things have gone from good to incredible in such a short space of time.

First and foremost: The very BEST thing my RLT has brought to me is the love of a remarkable, wonderful angel named Ariel. If my RLT had brought me nothing BUT her, I would consider it wildly successful. How it all happened still amazes and confounds me, but having never been one to gaze a gratuitous equine in the oris maximus, I have not only accepted it, but I have embraced it with all my heart. For the first time in my life, I am looking forward to LIVING that life, and to doing it with an angel at my side. I love you Ariel.

Second: Additionally, my RLT has brought me to the point where I can't imagine anymore, what it was like to leave the house without makeup, hair, nails and jewelry. The one or two times I was forced to go out as my former self, I felt wrong, out of place. I felt as if everyone was looking at me in amazement and confusion, very much the way I used to feel when I left the house en femme!

This was brought, forcefully, home to me when, the other day, I purchased a fleece jacket. The zipper was on the men's side, so obviously I had inadvertently bought one from the mens side of the display. When I got home and tried it on, I found the position of the zipper momentarily confusing and it just felt...wrong. I have reached a point at which, what used to feel wrong, now feels right, and vice versa. I laughed at myself and kept the jacket...just because.

Third: I have found immense differences in the way I'm treated by friends, co-workers and the general public. I've outlined these things in earlier blogs, but I feel it's important to go into some them in this one. Suffice it to say I enjoy being treated as the woman I feel myself to be. One of my very best friends has accepted me completely, and he has not slipped once. He constantly refers to me as Cathy, as her, and she. He even calls me "wench" when he's a bit peeved at me, or is feeling frisky and funny. I love it.

As far as the way I'm treated by the general public...all I can say is that I seem to be treated no differently than any other woman...shopping, eating out, getting gas for my car, you name it, I am doing it, and people seem either indifferent to the way I look, or just too busy to CARE what I look like. Either way, there have been NO bad incidents to mar my RLT. Men defer to me when entering or leaving buildings, elevators etc. They hold doors for me and call me miss, ma'am, even honey! Again, I love it.

Fourth: I have discovered that I LIKE all the things I mentioned in previous paragraphs, and have grown to EXPECT them! I've actually felt ignored or put down when a man DIDN'T hold a door for me! I love the smell and feel of makeup and jewelry, and I love wearing my favorite fragrance, Fire and Ice, from Revlon. As far as clothes are concerned, I still dress pretty much the way I used to, back when I was still trying to be a guy, but the clothes are all womens. Jeans, tops, shoes, and jackets are what I used to wear, and I still do. I feel my most comfortable when I'm dressed that way, and I see no reason to change it, short of a fancy dress affair. I refer to myself as a girly-girl when it comes to the makeup and stuff, but I am no clotheshorse. Simple and comfortable are my bywords...although...I enjoy my heels, and wear them whenever possible...I.E...not at work. I work out in the weather and heels just are not suitable for that.

My RLT has gone so smoothly that I find myself wondering why I waited so long to do it, and yet I do remember my fears at even the thought of actually starting it. It took a "conspiracy of circumstances" to force my hand, and push me off the fence I'd been sitting on for far too many years.

I had laid, as many have told me, a veritable plethora, or perhaps more like an inundation of footwork and groundwork, in the 5 years preceding the beginning my RLT. I had sounded out friends, co-workers etc. I had undergone years of therapy and hormone treatment, all at the hands of medical and psychiatric professionals. I had even showed pictures of myself, en femme, to the aforementioned friends and co-workers, to gauge their reactions to me, telling them that it was the "real me" and allowing them to become used to the thought of me as a female.

When I was first hired at my present place of employment, 6 years ago, one of the first things I did was to inform my potential boss of my transgendered status and my intent to begin transition, via a RLT, at some point in the future. He was very understanding, and it didn't affect my hiring at all. In fact, it led to the County Attorney supporting my decision to begin my RLT while on the job, since I work, indirectly, for the County in which I live.

I know that my experiences during my RLT are not typical. I have read of too many who suffered horribly at the hands of their friends, co-workers and even families when they finally divulged their transgendered status. Worse than that, I know the statistics of the ones who, for whatever reason, decided that they could not live with living as who they were born as, and couldn't face the humiliation and scorn they knew, or believed they knew, they would face when they transitioned...and took their own lives as a last, desperate solution. I was almost one of them. I cry for them, and for their friends and families, nearly every day.

My family doesn't understand, but we still communicate...if only by phone. They still try to talk, browbeat, or plead with me to return to the person they all knew for so many years. I cannot and will not allow them to sway me from what I KNOW is the right path for me.

I cannot recommend the way _I_ have done my RLT to anyone else, because every situation and every area is different. I have been extremely fortunate and perhaps part of that is due to the immense amount of groundwork I laid in preparation. I WISH, with all my heart, that every transition/RLT would go as easily and as effortlessly as mine has gone, but I am realistic enough to know that it won't be so.

I urge, strongly, that anyone attempting their RLT begins by sounding out the ones closest to them. Find out their real feelings about it. Recognize that, to them, what you are doing is "wrong" to most of them. Explain, as best you can, how you feel, what led you to believe this about yourself. Back up your conclusions with as many facts as you possibly can. Take it slow and easy and don't force your feelings on anyone. Let them get used to the possibility and BE HONEST with them. Try to understand why they feel as they do.

Above all, SEEK, AND GET, PROFESSIONAL HELP, in the form of therapists, psychiatrists and endocrinologists. Do NOT attempt to transition alone, and never, NEVER consider suicide as a solution. It isn't. It may end YOUR pain, but it leaves behind so much more than pain. There are chatrooms, there are forums, there are thousands of people on the internet alone, who will listen, offer advice and support, and even help you understand yourself and your feelings. I know this to be true.

I apologise for waxing verbose in this update, but these are things I feel deeply about, and know a little something about, having gone through some of it myself, and having experienced the rest of it through my support network, my online family of friends, benefactors, confessors and helpers.

I'll close by wishing every one who is beginning, or thinking about beginning, their own Real Life Test, a smooth, seamless and successful time of it. If, for any reason, you run into trouble with it, remember that there are those of us who have done it, are doing it, and we CAN and WILL help, if you'll let us. We WANT to help! _I_ want to help!

To prove the truth of my words, here is my email address: Cathy _t_ 99 at yahoo dot com.(simply remove the spaces and substitute a . for the dot.) Please let me help if I can. I keep confidences, I do NOT reveal secrets, and I will respect your fears and concerns. I will not give out my phone number, but I do have skype, and am almost always on at night, although I might not appear to be online. I will answer any and all SERIOUS questions and will do whatever I can do to help.

Lastly: Let me publicly thank all of those who have helped me. Without your help I could never have reached this point in my life. I am finally happy with myself. I am finally at home in my own skin. I finally LIKE myself!

With respect and love, I am,
Catherine Linda Michel. Out, proud, and in love.