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I've sorta been writing a lot more dark in what I've been posting, and I'm kinda worrying I'm doing it a bit too much. Part of what I'm worried about is if I'm just telling people about stuff that hurts too much to hear. I've been sharing the kinda stuff I usually avoid reading. I really don't want to hurt anyone, and I'm wondering if I'm doing that by opening up too much. Even though it feels freeing to not keep stuff hidden, it's not worth it, if I'm hurting people. Is there a way of knowing when I've been sharing too much dark stuff?
Comments
For one thing?
Your readers are pretty honest in their feedback. But an appeal for more feedback makes sense - perhaps inviting personal messages as well as comments.
The other thing to recall, especially in light of what you feel YOU are used to? Not everything we write necessariyly needs to be posted; at least at first glance. Have you heard from anyone? Are you tourself uncomfotable with the mood of what you discuss? Since you always have something you're in the midst of, even more than one or two? Set aside the story for a wee bit, and come back to it later. I think you may just find out that you're expanding what and how you write and that change can and often does feel different beyond what we anticipated, but that's not a bad thing at all.
Best wishes for continued success!
Love, Andrea Lena
I kinda have mixed feelings ...
... about what I've been writing. On the one hand, it's felt liberating, but on the other hand, it feels scary. Setting aside the story sounds like a good idea. Thank you for your advice!
Ever try to eat oats without milk or water?
When writers don't write what they are feeling, their stories have no soul. The stories are dry reading at best. Miserable to read normally. Heather, my pet, your readers are NOT in school and your stories are not going to be graded or turned in as a book report. They don't have to read your stories. IT IS THEIR CHOICE!
Rite..., write what you wish, what flows from your beautiful fingers to the page so your readers may be able to make their decision if they wish to read it or not. But most importantly write from the heart, what you feel. Your stories will live on for hundred and thousands of years, they should have emotions, feelings, and share that with readers who are born a hundred years from now.
Hugs Heather
Barb
Life is a gift, your gift, live it for the one who created it for you.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
What I'm feeling ...
... at the moment, is stuff I haven't felt before ... or maybe it's stuff I ain't allowed myself to feel. But I think, once I'm more ready to deal with those feelings, I'll try to let them out in my writing. Thank you for your advice!
{{{hugging back}}}
Thinking About The Same Issue.
At one time, it was said that there was a Scandinavian child her that was 11 years old. I do not know if that is still true. Anyone can click on this site. I was just shocked to see what appeared to be a pre-pubescent girl about to be taken from behind while doing a Google Search. Many of us have experienced very dark lives and have been in therapy for years for it. I've been talking to someone for more than 20 years.
As to your present content, I have been loosely following some of your work and have not been alarmed. Some of it is indeed very good.
I'm glad ...
... what I've posted so far hasn't been alarming. I've done my best to not get too deep into dark stuff, but it's sometimes difficult to be sure how what I have posted is being perceived. I really appreciate your feedback. Thank you!
Honest dark is healing
I spend a fair amount of time in dark places in my head. Like you, I'm afraid to share any of it with other people, because I'm convinced that it will destroy my relationship with the rest of humanity. Because that was what I was taught when I was young. And if I hide it, I isolate myself, and my relationship with humanity gets destroyed anyway.
A large part of the harm that trauma does is the way it cuts us off from humanity. Human beings need relationship the way they need air and food and water, and trauma cuts it off. It asphyxiates us, it dehydrates us, it starves us.
When I read stuff here that's dark (and not out of sadism on the part of the author), especially if it is anything like my own dark stuff, it breaks through that isolation. It tells me I'm not alone. It reminds me that I can be as injured as I am, as depraved as I in my dark moments believe I am, and still be part of the human race. It tells me that my hands are worthy to hold someone else's.
(BTW, people who don't want to or can't handle the darkness can see the content warnings and skip it. That's why God made content warnings. You do use them, don't you?)
Afraid I'll Be Whiney.
Because of my life, I have seen things that convince me that though I have losses and suffering, others experience the same or more. I've cut my arms but I have seen those with scars all over them. Then those who are supposed to help us heal callously say that we cut for attention. I've studied Psychology just lots but do not know if I will ever be a therapist. I've studied the Bible and belief just as hard but know that I will never be a Pastor, and am not sure if I will ever feel like I please God. Initially I had a castration to stop my ever raping. I was afraid I would. That and the Psych Meds led to gender change because I hoped that if I were a woman, I could never endanger one. AND, as you all know, having been abused by a man I hated them and hated being one. No one I ever told that to got it. I long for a strong man to capture me, protect me, and make me do his will. I love spankings. I have a chrome chain with a jeweled padlock that I wear as a necklace when I feel insecure. If that is not sick and repulsive enough...
Gwen
-hug-
What is sick and repulsive is what was done to you. From what you have described longing the key phrase, to me, is 'protect'. Desiring safety, security, with clear cut roles and expectations to not be worrying constantly about 'doing something wrong' isn't anything awful at all.
For a while ...
... I've felt torn between being tired of hiding stuff and being afraid of how it might affect others if they saw some of the darker stuff. I hadn't really thought of how sharing it might be healing to someone. Thank you for sharing that!
Helping
Many of us have a huge amount of shame that circumstances and even people put upon us over what we endured as kids. That shame often manifests itself in a huge reluctance to share our experiences with others. UNDUE shame arising from something that was inferred or even spoken.
Early on in my time here a significant amount of my writing was either auto-bographical or feartured components of the trauma I went through as a kid. I was asked a few times why I was posting that. Important in light of what I have said about the importance of writing about trauma and sharing. My response then as now is that my experiencing in OVERCOMING trauma might serve to help others; hopefully giving hope that there is help and recovery.
It's become ironic in a way that many of my characters mirror my preference in coffee; dark, no sugar. I think my 'children' and I might start drinking San Pellegrino Clementina more frequently.
Love, Andrea Lena
You've really ..
... hit home for me with this post, Drea. This is almost exactly the sorta things I've been going back and forth with myself for the past couple of days. Sometimes, even when you know stuff ain't so now, letting go of old beliefs is turning out to be a lot harder than I'd expected. Knowing that you and others have been brave enough to share stuff, makes it a bit easier for me to be braver. You've really become an inspiration to me. Thank you!
You know I love you,
and I love your writing. If what you need to write is dark, then by all means write it, and if you feel it is well-written, then post it. Put warning tags on it if you feel it needs it, and people who might be triggered by it have been warned. For me, I've had my share of darkness, and it helps me sometimes to know that I'm not all alone in my darkness. I'm trying to put my own story into words, if I ever get it to where I feel it is ready, I will post it here, with warnings.
*hugging you tight*
Thank you so much. I'm just ... I'm losing words. *hugging you again*
Lector caveat
If you put all the appropriate caution tags on your stories, let the reader beware. If you feel that the tags don't adequately warn readers as to the content, then do a disclaimer in the teaser on the front page.
When I first started writing, it was therapy. I let all those things that I had stuffed growing up because they were forbidden. Things, feelings, I couldn't share with anyone. For me that meant living out the fantasies I hadn't even allowed myself to think of, in my stories.
For you apparently it's releasing some of the darkness that you've stuffed over the years. I has to be cathartic; it's good for your soul. As they used to say in the 70s, let your freak flag fly.
I've found that if I try to write something that doesn't really come from within, my muse simply sits on the sidelines and doesn't even cheer me on. However, if it's bubbling up from within, my muse grabs the ball and runs with it. The resulting story ends up being something the reader can sink their teeth into and get something out of.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
I guess maybe ...
... I'm worrying more than I need to. I have put warnings on my stories, but I also worry somebody might be hurt anyway. I'm sorta starting to see I might be worrying more than I should. thank you for the reminder!
Worrying
Take it from an A-class worry-wart, I totally get what you're saying. Knowing that your words have hurt someone can be far worse than being hurt yourself with someone's words.
As was pointed out to me recently, we are all "a very large group of folks with skins like peaches - we bruise too easily." That is so true! Still, it was also pointed out that we as authors have a responsibility to our readers to continue our craft. I've written my share of darkness, as you well know. It was necessary, though. If I didn't write it and post it, it would have eaten at me until it consumed me. Sharing the darkness means not being alone in it anymore... and there's nothing more terrifying than being alone in the darkness.
Share it, so you won't be alone in it anymore. We'll be there with you all the way until you come out the other side.
Hugs,
Roberta
Thank you!
I sometime think of myself as the Worrier Princess. Knowing others can relate definitely helps. Your encouragement to keep writing, even when what I need to write is dark, really means a lot. Thank you!
*hugging back*
Thank you!
I sometime think of myself as the Worrier Princess. Knowing others can relate definitely helps. Your encouragement to keep writing, even when what I need to write is dark, really means a lot. Thank you!
*hugging back*