Orphan Petal 1

May 2023 - Part 1

This is the story of an 11-year-old who loses his parents and is now an orphan. He is bitter and mad at the world. His new life will change him in ways he never knew possible. Can he find himself and be happy?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Victoria Temple:
Welcome to the “Orphan Petal”. This is a documentary about a boy who was orphaned at an early age. From time to time, we ask people to come in a small box and tell us what has been happening and how they feel about it. None of the others will hear what is being said and they will not see the documentary until it is done. To be honest, I have no clue where this documentary will go. We picked a random boy to follow his journey as an orphan. I suspect it will be a very emotional journey as the boy finds his new place in society. The boy's name is Shirley. I did not even know a boy could have this name. He is 11 years old.

Social Worker:
Social workers are overworked and underpaid. It is not a job to do if you do not like stress. Despite this, I try to remember that each case is about a human being and my job is to protect them and make their life better. It is a hard job, especially when it involves children. I opened Shirley's file today. The name did surprise me and he looked much younger than his age. He has hair that looks like that of a boy celebrity from the 1990s. Shirley looks a lot like Aaron Carter when he was a little boy. I sighed when I opened his file. A boy's life has been torn apart.

Shirley:
Why did Mom and Dad give me a name like Shirley? There are thousands of other names. Every time I tell someone that my name is Shirley, they say it is a girl's name. My parents told me that it was a gender-neutral name. I never heard of any boy called Shirley. I heard of Shirley Temple, and she was a girl. Still it its my name and not much I can do about it. I am 11 years old and people say that I am very small for my age. Mom always said it was because I hate vegetables and did not eat enough of them. Everyone also says that I have long eyelashes. Why is that so important? I do not like people calling me Shirley. It is too girly. Most everyone calls me “Shir”

Social Worker:
I have just read Shirley's papers. He came from a very ordinary family. His Dad had a good job and his mother was a housemaker. The family was a happy family and Shirley was loved and well cared for. They were middle-income and lived comfortably. Shirley does many things that a boy his age does. He is on the swimming team and plays football (soccer). Shirley gets good grades at school and has many friends. It is obvious from reading the case files that Shirley was a happy boy. This makes this case so much harder. I have to be strong when I speak with him later today.

Shirley:
Mom and Dad and I went swimming and this was fun. As we were driving home, we were laughing and talking about how fun it was. Then things got serious when Mom told me that I had to clean my bedroom. I sighed and told her that I was supposed to play football with friends. This ended with Mom and me arguing. I admit that I was frustrated. At times it seems like mom wanted me just to do boring things like cleaning my room. The happy atmosphere changed and was quite tense. Dad tried to suggest a compromise, and this ended with Mom and Dad arguing. Mom thought that Dad always took my side. Then everything seemed to go so fast. Mom shouted that Dad should keep an eye on the road and shouted he would hit a cat. Dad must have panicked as he tried to avoid the cat. I heard a lot of noise. Broken glass was flying all over the place. The car was rolling over again and again. Then everything went black. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.

Doctor Mary;
Do I just speak now in this microphone? I am sure some will remember me from the “Teenage Diary of Allie Horten” and wonder why I am here. I was asked to come and speak with a young boy who was in a car accident. Luckily he was not injured which shows that seatbelts are good. Unfortunately, his parents died in the accident and I had to tell him. This is always hard to do. How do you tell an 11-year-old boy that he is now an orphan? I did manage to tell him as best as I could. Shirley did not answer and just looked at the ceiling. There were no tears or any reaction. I gave him a necklace that his mother was wearing. This was my way of telling him that she would always be with him. Shirley clenched the necklace in his hand. He then said that he wanted to see his mother and father. I wanted to hug him and comfort him. The life that he knew was now over and he would be faced with new challenges and feel alone. I did what I thought was best. I just sat with him and said nothing. I wanted him to know that he is not alone.

Shirley:
I woke up in the hospital. I remembered the crash. I had no pain or anything like that. The worst is I remembered how much my mother screamed and cried as the car was rolling around. I told a nurse that I did not have to be in bed. I wanted to see my mother and father. The nurse just responded “Poor child.”. This was annoying and she told me that someone would speak with me later. I just have to have patience. This is not something I have. After a while, this lady came in and told me that she was a shrink and wanted to help me. I did not want to speak with a shrink. I am not crazy. The shrink even told me that Mom and Dad were dead. How could she be so evil and tell me this? Mom and Dad are not dead. They can't be! I still need them! The shrink gave me Mom's necklace. It is a silver one with a little fairy on it. Maybe this was to tell me that I was now an orphan. I did not even answer. I am not an orphan. Mom and Dad are not dead. This is some bad joke. I did not speak with the shrink. The only thing I am thinking about now is when they will let me see Mom and Dad. When this happens, I can give Mom her necklace back. I don’t need it or want it. I am a boy and won't wear a fairy necklace.

Social Worker::
A few days have gone. Shirley is in good health and luckily has not been injured. The doctors told me that he has been silent and the only time he speaks is when he asks or demands to see his parents. This is sad. It will take him time to accept the situation he is now in. I have been working very hard trying to find a loving home for Shirley. Shirley has no relatives that I can find. I do not want him to be in an orphanage or a child’s home. This will not be good for him. He needs a small family environment that will love and support him. Luckily I found a foster family that will have him. This seems like a great solution. They live in the suburbs and have a son who is Shirley's age. I know he won't be happy that he will now be a foster family. In time, I hope he can see how lucky he is.

Shirley:
The social worker came today and she also told me that my Mom and Dad were dead. Why is everyone saying this? I did not want to speak with her. My parents are not dead. This must be some conspiracy or bad joke. The social worker told me that I would be discharged soon so I could go to my parent's funeral and then I would be living with a foster family. She assured me that they are very nice and even have a son who is the same age as me. His name is Logan. I bet he is a bully. I tried to tell the social worker that I wanted to go home. Mom and Dad are the best parents and they never hurt me. I belonged with them. This made the social worker tell me once again that they were dead. I could see that no one listens to what I want. They are adults and think that they know the best. I told her that I would live with the foster family until Mom and Dad were discharged from the hospital. She told me that my foster family would visit me so I could get to know them.

Foster Mom:
We visited Shirley today at the hospital. He is probably the prettiest boy that I ever seen. I know it's bad to call a boy pretty, but there is no other word for it. The atmosphere was tense and I can understand this. Think of what this boy has been through. I tried talking to him and so did Logan. Shirley was very silent and did not speak. The only time he spoke was when he told us that his parents were not dead. He also asked if Logan was a girl. Logan is used to being asked this and just answered that he is a boy. Having Shirley living with us will be a challenge. We have to help Shirley through the biggest trauma he has experienced in his short life. I am worried if he will get on with Logan. Logan sometimes likes dressing and acting like a girl. He is gender fluid. I suppose some would call him a sissy. I was concerned when Logan said he was a boy that Shirley mumbled “weird”

Doctor Mary
The funeral is tomorrow. This will be a shock for Shirley when he sees the remains of his parents being lowered into the ground. A lot can happen to him when this happens. The best would be if Shirley would accept the fact his parents are dead and dare to move on. I am afraid that this will not be the case. Shirley could get a depression or become very bitter. I spoke with Shirley's new foster mom and promised she could always contact me for advice and I offered therapy to Shirley if he needed it.

Foster Mom:
The funeral was today. My heart bled for Shirley. He would see his parents get buried and then I would take him home. I stood by his side and tried to support him as well as I could. Shirley had no reaction to me standing next to him. I could understand this. He did not know me. The strange thing is that he did not react to the whole funeral service. He did not even cry. He just looked at the coffins. I tried putting my arms around his shoulders and he did not protest. After the funeral, we went home. I told Shirley that this would be his new home and I hoped he would be happy here. I showed him his bedroom. He would be sharing a bedroom with Logan. In a way, I thought this would be good as he would have someone his age to be with. The only response I got was that he told me to call him “Shir” as he did not like to be called Shirley. He thought it was too girly. Then he informed us that he wanted to be alone.

Shirley:
I have to accept that my parents are dead. I saw their coffins being lowered into the ground. Everyone else was looking sad and crying. I did not cry. I was confused and angry. Why did God let my parents die? After the funeral was over, I was taken to my new home. I was now a foster child. My foster mom seemed to be very nice and was trying her best to welcome me. I did not want to be welcomed. I do not want her to be my new mom. She would never replace my mother. On top of this, I have to share a room with Logan. It is a girl's room. He has Disney princess posters and everything looks so pink. There is even a dollhouse. He is a sissy which means he is a weird loser. How does anyone expect me to be happy here?

Orphan Petal

May 2023 - Part 2

This is the story of an 11-year-old who loses his parents and is now an orphan. He is bitter and mad at the world. His new life will change him in ways he never knew possible. Can he find himself and be happy?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Logan:
Shirley moved in. I know he does not like to be called Shirley, but it is a pretty name. I wish I had a pretty name. I do not think Shirley likes it here. I could see his face scrunch and look pale when he saw my… I mean our bedroom. I think it will be fun having a brother. Maybe he thinks the bedroom is too girly. I was afraid that he would think that I was a sissy. My mother doesn’t like when I say I am a sissy, but everyone else says it. She says I am feminine. She also reminded me that everyone else has accepted me and so will Shirley. My first impression of Shirley is that he is very cute. I know he is not feminine, but he looks like a tomboy. He is too pretty to be a boy. I did my best to make Shirley as welcome as possible. I tried talking with him several times. Every time I tried, he told me to leave him alone. I suppose it will take time

Shirley:
Logan is a pain. Not only is he a sissy that likes girl things, he talks as much as a girl. I just wanted to be alone. I feel so bad. This is not because my parents are dead. I can accept that and I know they are looking down at me from heaven. I will make them proud of me. My problem is that I feel guilty. I remember that my Dad could not concentrate on the traffic because he tried to take my side when mom told me I had to tidy my room. If I just agreed to clean my bedroom, there would be no crash. This means that it was my fault that my parents died. This is a feeling I cannot get rid of. It is something that consumes my thoughts and is like a dark cloud over me.

Foster Mom:
Tonight when I was tucking the two boys in, I tried to give them some motivation and something to think about. I told them that Shirley had been through a lot. He was in an accident that had changed his life. He lost his parents and now was forced to live with us. He did not know us and besides going through grief, he now has a new family. I looked at Shirley and told him that we wanted him to be happy. We wanted him to feel wanted and secure. We would help him in any way we could. I told him that we could never replace his mother and father, but we would hope he would feel as if we were a family. This also meant that he had to make an effort. He had to give us a chance. I told him that this also meant accepting and respecting Logan. He is different from other boys. He is feminine and girly. This is not a bad thing. Logan has a good heart. I left the two boys and was quite proud of myself. I felt that getting things out in the open meant there were no barriers.

Shirley:
Foster mom thought that she would make everything better by opening her heart. First, she reminds me once again I am an orphan. She knows that they can never replace my parents and yet she wants me to consider everyone here as my new family. This includes accepting that Logan is a sissy. She even admitted that he is different and thinks it's up to the world to accept him. This made me think that she was weak. I mean a mother should not allow her son to have a girl's bedroom and pretend he was a girl. Does she know that sissies are weird and have no friends? There must be some mental problems with Logan and now I was expected to share a room with him. I cried myself to sleep. I miss my parents and the normal life that I once had. Logan could hear me crying and came over to my bed and put his hand on my shoulder. I pushed him off of me and told him never to touch me again. I did not want a weird sissy boy touching me.

Doctor Mary:
Shirley's Foster mom rang me and told me that things are going well considering the circumstances. Shirley is very quiet and tends to stay in the bedroom a lot. He avoids Logan and she thinks that he may dislike her son because he is very girly. I tried to explain that Shirley came from a very conservative family and having a feminine son could be very new for him. Shirley would most likely look past how Logan dressed and acted and accept him for the person he is. I advised that Shirley started at his new school as quickly as possible. Routine, structure and new experiences will give him something to do and have some normality in his life. Shirley's stepmom was unsure. Her thoughts were that she would take Shirley to the mall to get bonded. In the end, she told me that I was the professional and he would start school in Logan's class.

Teacher:
I have a friend who was Shirley's teacher at his old school. She told me that she was happy he was starting at a new school. While he had friends at the old school, he could be an aggressive boy and at times a bully. This was with children who were different to him. They could have the wrong religion or be the wrong colour. He would also lash out at others if they criticized him or teased him. All in all, Shirley does not sound like the model student as described in his papers. His first school day here did not go well and I could understand what his old teacher was saying. One of the other children asked him if he was a sissy like Logan. This was because they noticed he was wearing a necklace. Shirley shouted it was his mother's necklace and Shirley started beating up the boy that asked the question. I think that Shirley started back at school too early. He needs more time to grieve and get over the death. Still, the boy has started and we can only hope he will settle down and make friends.

Shirley:
I hate school. They all think that because I now live with Logan, I must also be a sissy. One boy even noticed I was wearing a necklace. Wearing a necklace does not mean I am some sissy boy. I wear it to keep Mom close to me. I am not like Logan. He is just a sissy boy that needs to act more normal and stop being such a freak. I am sure that the boy or any other person at the school will not call me a sissy again. Otherwise, everyone at the school was too nice. They have heard about my parents and I suppose they wanted to be nice to me. The problem was that I thought this was annoying. Besides the fact that it kept reminding me about my parents, I wondered why they were so nice. Did they just feel sorry for me or did they want to be friends? I missed my friends at my old school. How would I ever make friends here?

Foster Mom:
I heard about Shirley's fight at school. I was not too worried. It was his first day and there had been many changes in his life. Boys will be boys and we must all have patience with Shirley. When I asked him how school went, he just shrugged his shoulders. Then he said in a low voice that he had to do his homework. I did not hear anything more from him all night except when I heard him telling Logan to leave him alone. I am so proud of Logan. He is so nice to Shirley and tries his best to make Shirley welcome. The problem is that Shirley has put a wall around himself. He does not say anything. It will take time. I know this. It will be important that he will learn to trust us and learn how to open his heart to us. I believe that when a person is in a crisis, it often helps to talk with others. Shirley cannot keep things bottled up and not speak to others about how he feels. The best I can do is to show that I am there for him when he is ready and would like to talk.

Logan:
It's been a few days since we started back at school. No more trouble has happened. I think it's because everyone is afraid of him. He does not speak with me either. He just grunts and tells me to leave him alone. Still, he is my brother and I am trying my best. I know he is very fond of the necklace he wears. I know it is from his mother. I asked him if I could see it. This made him mad and he told me that no one is allowed to touch it. He did not want a sissy boy touching it. His words hurt. Shirley does not like that I am girly. Every time I call him Shirley, he gets mad and tells me to call him “Shir”. He has been living with us for a bit now and I am trying my best. I just don’t know if I like him. So far he has just been mean. Mom told me to have patience as Shirley has been through a lot. I hope she is right.

Shirley:
Logan wanted to talk with me today. Since we will be living together, he wanted me to know about him. Since he was a small boy, he liked girl things. He liked girl clothes and toys. At first, his mother did not take him seriously. She thought it was a phase. She did allow Logan to dress as a princess for Halloween. I asked him if he wanted to be a girl. Logan did not want to be a girl. He just liked the pretty clothes and the toys. Logan could not see a problem if a boy wanted to wear a dress. His mother can also see this and she bought him girl clothes so he could be a girl when he wanted to be. His bedroom was also changed to a girl's bedroom. Logan must have seen the confused look on my face. He giggled and said that must make him a sissy, but we cannot all be the same. Then he got serious and said that since I was not a sissy, we should make my side of the room boyish. I told him that I would appreciate this. What else could I say?

Teacher:
It's now been a week since Shirley started at the school. He is doing well in classes and seems to be an intelligent child. He still does not participate in class but his homework is perfect. I am more worried about his social side at school. The other students try to talk with him and involve him in his activities and games. Shirley has no contact with the others and does not even want others that he lives with Logan. He still gets in fights with other children. This happens daily. Today a girl asked him why he is so short. This sounds like an innocent question. Shirley did not think this. He pushed the girl as hard as he could. I am afraid if this continues, then everyone will be afraid of him. Maybe this is what he wants. His parent's death cannot be used as an excuse, He was the same in his old school.

Foster Mom:
I spoke with the teacher again. She told me about Shirley's fights with the other children. She thinks he is a bully. I told her that this was rubbish. He just needs to adjust to the new life he has. I did not talk to him about this. I helped Shirley and Logan with his side of the bedroom. He still has to live in the pink room, but at least there are posters he has that he likes and some of the toys he had from his old room. Maybe this will help

Logan:
I do not know why I did it but I asked Shirley if he wanted to dress up. He could try on one of my dresses. Shirley snapped back at me and told me he is not a sissy and does not want me to corrupt him. I thought he would hit me. The only thing he said was to stop trying to be his friend. He hated me. These words hurt more than punches. I do not see what his big problem was. He would look more like a girl than I do if he was in a dress. I mean he is not cute, he is pretty. I heard mom say once Shirley looks more like a tomboy than a boy. Maybe that is why his parents called him Shirley. He looked like a baby girl when he was born. I do not know why he hates me. I just suggested a game and it's okay If he didn’t want to do it. Shirley may hate me. To tell the truth, he is also a very hard person to like.

Orphan Petal

May 2023 - Part 3

This is the story of an 11-year-old who loses his parents and is now an orphan. He is bitter and mad at the world. His new life will change him in ways he never knew possible. Can he find himself and be happy?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Shirley
This is one strange foster family. My stepmom must be one of those hippies we see on TV. She wants everyone to talk and share their feelings. This is very hard for me to do. I do not know why. My problems are private and did not want people to know about them. I think it will make me look like a wimp. This reminds me of Logan. I am very mad at him. How could he even ask me if I wanted to wear a dress? How dare he? I feel like he is working for the devil and trying to corrupt me. He may be a sissy freak but that did not mean that he had to try and make me one as well. I got mad at him. I should have punched him but just told him that I hated him. I think that this is how I feel about him. At least I am honest and say how I feel.

Foster Mom:
Logan and Shirley are not getting on well together. Logan told me he suggested playing dress up and Shirley lost his cool and even told Logan that he hated him. Logan was crying on my shoulder when he was telling me this. It did not help when Shirley came out and teased Logan by calling him a crybaby. Logan is a very sensitive child. He is different from other boys. I see this as Shirley's problem. He has to learn how to respect others. It is not just at home. Shirley has been mean to some children at the school. Maybe I need to bond more with Shirley so he can trust me more.

Shirley:
My Foster Mom suggested that we visit my parent's grave today. In a way, I hoped that I could be able to feel their presence. This did not happen. All I could see were two gravestones with their names on it. I did not feel that they were there. I do not know why people visit graves. Do they expect to see ghosts of their family walking around? My Foster Mom told me that it was OK to cry. I should let my feelings out. This was more hippie crap coming from her. I have cried when my parents were being buried and many times when I was falling asleep. I now accepted they were dead and knew my parents were looking down from heaven. They do not want me to be a wimp and cry for the rest of my life. I have my mother's necklace that reminds me she was always here with me.

Foster Mom:
Shirley has been here for less than a month and it has been hard for him to adjust to our family. It has been hard for him to accept Logan. Things will get harder now. Today Logan told me that he wants to be a girl full time. He feels as if he is in the wrong body. This means Logan feels he is transgender. He no longer wants to be considered a boy. I think Logan is brave for saying this. It cannot be easy telling the world that you consider yourself another gender than what you were born as. It is also brave because I don’t think Shirley will like this. Still, Logan is my son… I mean daughter and I will just support my child in any way I can.

Shirley:
It is wrong. Logan now wants us to consider him as a girl. I will not do that. He was born as a boy with a boy's body and he cannot just decide that he was born in the wrong body. I am pretty sure that God does not make mistakes. He can say he is a girl, but this will never be true. He will never be a girl. Every time he sees his body in a mirror, he will be reminded that he is a boy pretending to be a girl. I think the whole thing is weird as being a sissy is one thing but telling the whole world that you are a girl is another thing. I am certain that Logan is in some fantasy la la land. His mom is also there as she just accepts this. I mean she has no problem in speaking with that shrink lady about me as if it was me that was the crazy one. She should be talking to the shrink about her son and how crazy and weird he is. One thing is for sure, Logan is not a girl, no matter how much he shouts that he is.

Logan:
I am happy that my parents have accepted that I am a girl. They all have accepted that I am transgender at school. I just need a girl's name. Logan sounds too much like a boy. The strange thing is that the only person who does not accept me as a transgender has a girl's name himself! Shirley tells me that he does not want to hear me say that I am a girl. He thinks it's just an excuse for me being gay. I don’t even think he knows what being gay means. We are not even teenagers yet. I know that Shirley doesn’t like me which can make things a bit tense at home at times. For the most, he ignores me and refuses to speak to me. I feel sorry for Shirley. It seems as if he is never happy and dislikes everyone.

Teacher:
Things are not going well for Shirley. He has no friends. I can understand this. He is becoming more and more like a bully. The others try to stand up to him. They mostly give him a hard time about his name and that he is short. Shirley lashes back with insults and sometimes violence. It makes me think about what his parents were thinking when they decided to give him that name. I have hoped things would go better for Shirley at the school. However, it seems like he is becoming more and more alienated every day that goes and the other students and teachers like Shirley less

Shirley:
Today I had no intention of going to school. They were nice at the start which I did not like. Now they either avoid me or give me a hard time about my name or how small I am. Why should I go to a school full of dorks? So I went down to the local park. There were some older boys there. They thought it was cool that an 11-year-old boy would want to skip school. They considered me like a little brother and said they would take care of me. I did not understand half of what they were saying because it was about girls they fancied. I had fun there as I did not have to deal with dorks. The older boys told me that school and families were a waste of time. Why should we spend hours a day listening to adults telling us what to do and what to think and being with other children who were strange as strange could be?

Foster Mom:
I am so mad. Shirley skipped school yesterday and decided to spend his day at the park. When I tried speaking with him, he told me to sod off. The boy is only 11 years old and is already acting like a teenager. I will be honest, I am at my wit's end. I knew that having a foster child would be hard. I just can't seem to get through to Shirley. I try my best to love him and be there for him, but his attitude makes it impossible at times. I will not give up on him. He needs love even if he does not want it.

Doctor Mary:
Shirley is not doing well at his foster home. He does not like Logan because Logan is transgender. He has no respect for anyone in the family. He is pretty much a bully at school as he is violent to anyone who teases him or is different. A teacher tells me that this was the same at the old school. This makes me think that it has nothing to do with the death of his parents. Shirley just is bitter and very judgemental. This shows me two things. The first is that he is not a happy boy and the second is that there is a side of him that we never have seen. Most likely he is not aware of this side of him. It can be something buried deep inside of him. How can we help him? Does he want to be helped?

Social Worker::
I visited Shirley today. I was not pleased with how things were going. Troubles at home and school. Being mean with Logan and the children at school as well as fallen grades. This is not to mention about skipping school. Shirley did not want to talk about anything. He just had a blank look on his face to show he did not want to talk to anyone. I believe that he is a good boy. I do not know if he is just bitter or confused. He can also be afraid. I told him that a lot of people are trying to help him. He has a foster family, teachers, fellow students, Doctor Mary and me who want the best for him. A lot of people have put in a lot of time and effort in trying to give Shirley a good life. It would be a shame if he could not accept and appreciate the help and support. If he does not settle down in a foster family, then he would have to go to Genesis Orphanage. They are the only ones that have a place. To be honest, that place creeps me out and I do hope that Shirley won't have to go there.

Shirley:
Why is everyone on my case? I skipped one day of school and everyone thinks this makes me a criminal. I do not like Logan because he is weird. I stand up for myself when they tease me or humiliate me. Then why do people think I am a bad child who does everything wrong? They even call me a bully. Is it bad to say that a boy who wants to dress as a girl is not right? or a boy at school who always looks untidy and has no pride in the way he looks is not good? Is it bad to say that a girl who only talks about kittens is weird? It's not my fault that some people are strange and I do not want them as friends or corrupting me. This does not make me a bully. I just say things the way I see them. I have always been this way and my parents never told me that it was wrong. Maybe my mother told me I should try to be more considerate to others a few times, but Dad always said I was a typical boy. If others could not see that I was just being normal, then it's them that has a problem.

Teacher:
Shirley has no friends at school and is getting to be known as a bully. He is a very hard child to like. I do not think I've ever seen him smile. Things are going downhill very quickly. Shirley has not skipped any more school days, which is good. However, he does not participate in classes and teachers say they suspect he is in another world. This could be seen in his grades. He failed the last exam he had done. When he started at our school, no one would have expected that he would fail a test a few weeks later. He was a grade-A student. I do not know what we can do as teachers. We try our best, but it is like talking to a wall.

Shirley:
I had the strangest dream last night. It was about a pretty girl my age. She had the nicest hair I had ever seen. The strange thing about it was that she wore a diaper. I never remember my dreams, but this dream I can remember. I wondered why she was so happy. Why did she wear diapers? Why did I want more about her? The strange thing is I did not judge her or think she was a lunatic. It was as if I wanted her to be my friend. It's a shame she is just someone in my dream.

Logan:
I am positive that Shirley is not happy. I never see him smile and he never has anything good to say. He does not even say thank you when Mom cooks something nice. He is a bully. There is no other word to describe him. It makes me think that he is hurting a lot inside and will not tell anyone what it is. I do not think it's the death of his parents that makes him the way he is. I think the sadness and whatever he is hiding have always been there. Maybe Shirley does not even know what it is.

Orphan Petal

May 2023 - Part 4

Shirley is bitter and mad at the world. His new life will change him in ways he never knew possible. Can he find himself and be happy? What does he not want to tell the world... it himself?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Shirley:
Remember that diaper girl my age I told you about that is in my dreams? She has been in my dreams several times since. The strange thing is that if Logan or anyone else wore a diaper, I would tease them and think they were big babies and weirdos. However, I like the girl in my dreams. She seems so happy and full of life. I have no clue what her name is. I also know she is just in my dreams, but she feels so real. It is like I always have known her. Sometimes when I am falling asleep, I try to dream about her. I know this sounds very crazy and as if I am losing my mind. Maybe she is my version of an invisible friend.

Doctor Mary:
Shirley visited me today at my office. He started by telling me that he did not have to be here. He mumbled that I should be speaking with Logan or most of the people at his school. Besides this, he said nothing else. This means that it was me that did all the talking. I told Shirley that we had to look at the facts. He was a bully at school and he could not accept Logan or the love his stepfamily was trying to give him. I told him it must be hard and take a lot of energy to be against everyone. There was no reaction from Shirley so I decided to push him a bit. I asked him if it was because he hated others that are different or if did he not understand why they were different. There was still no response. So I finished by telling him that I could see that he was not happy and this led him to lash out at everyone and the whole world. He looked at me with a sullen face. I finished our conversation by telling him that no one can live on an island. He has a lot bottled up in him and he needed to let it out. The things that he had bottled up could be too hard for him to deal with or accept. At some stage, he would need to open his heart to someone. It would set him free. The last thing I asked was if he wanted to be happy.

Shirley:
I was so mad after seeing the shrink lady. She thought I was crazy and unhappy. She thought that I had bad secrets. I think that she thought that I was a bad person. I went to the bedroom after I told everyone if I wanted to be alone. As I sat in the pink bedroom, I thought of what the doctor said to me. I am happy. I am the way I always was. I know my parents died, but I am moving on. Yes, I feel guilty and think it's my fault but I cannot change what happened. Why does this doctor think that It's me who has the problem? She should come and see how two boys have a girl's bedroom. She should speak with Logan who is trying to convince people that he is a girl. He is the crazy one that is screwed up and immoral. As I looked around the room, all I could see were girl things. I don’t know what came over me. I was not thinking. I found myself smashing the dollhouse, tearing down posters and ripping every dress I could find. Logan came in and started crying while shouting for his mother. My foster mom came in and told me. “There is no excuse for what you have done. This was an act of evil. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

Logan:
I cried when Shirley destroyed my things. Mom was mad and told Shirley that he should sleep on the sofa until he could respect me and my family. I forgive Shirley. I am happy that I am now transgender. Everyone except Shirley accepts it. I have found happiness and the damage Shirley done could be replaced. Shirley on the other hand was in a deep hole of misery, hatred and unhappiness. I do not think he likes himself

Teacher:
I have spoken with Doctor Mary. She told me that Shirley can be very judgemental and she knows he is a bully. She thinks that Shirley has some things bottled up that he is too embarrassed to talk about. His actions are a cry for help. This may be the case, however, there is nothing we can do about it. None of the teachers here can get through to Shirley. His grades continue to fall and he has his truancy is a growing problem. When he is at school, he continues to be a bully. The sad thing is that he most likely will be suspended or even expelled from school if this continues. I would love to help Shirley, but the school also has to protect the pupils that are already here.

Logan:
Today was a great day for me. There was a sports day at school. Shirley refused to participate, but this is his problem. I decided to participate in the running competition. There was one for girls and one for boys. I was in the girl's race. I loved every minute of it, Running is an exercise of freedom. I feel so free when I run. It was fun to race against other girls. They did not mind that I was transgender. We just had a lot of fun and praised each other, no matter how good or bad we did. I was lucky as I won the race. This means that I will represent our school in the regionals. Mom gave me a huge hug and said that she was proud of me. To be honest, I am also proud of myself. I tried my best and won and now I get to represent our school.

Shirley:
What a sham. Logan won a race a few days ago and my foster mom was so proud of him. The only thing she said to me was that it was a shame I did not want to participate. Does she not understand that I did not want to? Why could she not respect this? I just don’t like sports. So now all we hear about is how Logan is so talented and great. I kept my mouth shut for a while. However, when the only thing we talked about was Logan and his victory, I lost my cool and told Logan that he cheated. I explained that if he was in the boy's race, he would not have won. He was allowed to be in the girl's race because he wanted everyone to believe he was a girl and they were too afraid to tell him that he was a boy that dressed like a girl. The fact is that he has a boy body and nothing can change this. It was his boy body that competed in a girl's race which means he had an advantage. In other words, he cheated. The only answer that I got from Logan was that he thought I was very mean and jealous. Not my problem that he cannot see reality and the truth.

Foster Mom:
It is hard having a foster child living with us. Having Shirley living with us is a nightmare. I cannot bond with him or make a connection with him. Shirley is a bitter, mad and confused boy and no one knows why he is this way. It is a duty to be with him and I never know when he will hurt someone again. I tried to talk with him about this and reminded him once again that we want to love him and make this a perfect home for him, but he is making this impossible. I told him a family is a place where each member supports each other and wants the best for each other. This meant not terrorising each other and not being mean or jealous. Logan was my child and I realized that Shirley was making his life a hell. I had to protect Logan. I warned Shirley that he had to be a supportive member of this family. There was no reaction from Shirley so I told him it would be bad if he was sent to Genesis Orphanage. I feel bad that I said that. It was a threat and as a responsible adult, I should not be threatening a child.

Shirley:
It is so frustrating. Logan is a hero at school and home. Everyone is praising him because he won a stupid race that he should never have been in. Now he will compete in the regionals and represent the school. Everyone is so proud of this. The school will be the laughing stock and known as a school that allows boys just to decide that they are now girls The other schools probably think that if someone said they were a cat, we would all just consider them as a cat. All this praise is too much. I am so tired of it. Do not think that this is because I am jealous. I am not jealous. I had no intention of participating in the sports day because I knew I was no good at it.

Logan:
Shirley came into my bedroom today and this surprised me. I tried being funny and asked him if was he going to destroy what possessions I had left. As usual, he ignored me and asked me do I still intended to represent the school. I answered that everyone was proud of my victory except him. He thought I should never be allowed to race in the girl's race. I told him he was the only one that thought this. The fact is that no one liked Shirley and everyone liked me. Then I could see that Shirley became red in his face and before I knew it, he attacked me. Punches were flying all over the place. I begged him to stop but he continued. Even when I was crying and on the floor, he just kicked me over and over. The pain was extreme and I was sure that Shirley was trying to kill me. It was only when mom came in the room and pulled Shirley away, that it stopped.

Shirley:
I broke Logan's arm when I attacked him. I will be honest, I do not know what happened or why I did it. I just snapped and everything was out of control. I do feel sorry about it and I know it was wrong of me to do. The problem is I don’t know how to apologize or even know if I want to. This also means that Logan cannot participate in the regional competitions.

Foster Mom:
The attack on Logan was the last straw. I told the social worker that we could no longer have Shirley living with us. Yes, I feel like I failed him. I also feel as if he failed himself. He had a perfect opportunity for happiness. I do not think this has to do with the death of his parents. While it is a contributing factor, there is some darkness in the boy's soul. I can only hope he finds happiness in the future. It just can't be here, as I do not want Logan hurt anymore.

Aunty:
I am quite apprehensive about participating in this documentary. Everyone will remember me as the evil aunt in the “teenage years of Allie Horten.” I now have found happiness as I am the deputy at the Genesis Orphanage. Everyone here calls me “Aunty” as well. I know that this place has a bad reputation, but we do our best considering it is a very old run-down Victorian building and has a shady past known for its rigid structure and discipline. This is no longer the case. I heard that Shirley will be starting here. I read everything and to be honest, I do not consider him to be a bad child. He is not the son of Satan. Shirley is a damaged child and I will do my best to help him find happiness. I know what you are thinking. You think I will change him to a sissy baby like I did with Allie. This is not my plan or intention. I am a changed woman

Victoria Temple:
That concludes the fourth episode of “Orphan Petal” and what a dark start it is. It is so hard to like Shirley. “Orphan Child” has 44 episodes left, so never give up hope. Something tells me that Shirley's journey is just about to start and let's hope he finds happiness. He is now in the claws of Aunty, but there is hope, is there not? After all, Allie ended up being happy. Besides this, I am sure that Aunty does not want to feminize Shirley. She said so herself. Remember to leave your comments on your thoughts.

Orphan Petal

June 2023 - Part 1

Shirley now is at an orphanage where Aunty works. He now will start a new journey. What path will he take?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Victoria Temple:
Welcome to Part 5. One thing we can agree on is that Shirley has lots of problems. It's hard being a foster child, but it seems that Shirley had lots of problems before he became an orphan. This makes me wonder if his parents knew this dark and sad side of their son when they were alive. Did they just turn a blind eye or were they bullies themselves? Shirley is now being sent to an orphanage, and he has two paths to take. He can continue this path and end in a lonely state of unhappiness and loneliness. Shirley can also melt the stone and hardness in his heart and learn to be part of a group. Now he would be starting at Genesis Orphanage. This does not make things easier.

Miss Hawthorne:
I have been at this orphanage for decades as the Matron. It is my responsibility to make this a well-run place in the best possible way. This was not an easy task. Funds were very small and the building was a very old manor house. You could nearly hear the old ghosts roaming the polished wooded hallways. I was getting old and very tired. My memory was not as good as it once was. I still had years before I could retire. It is good that I have Aunty here as my deputy. Everyone calls her Aunty and although she has some strange methods with children, she is a great organizer. A new boy would be starting today. I could not remember where I put his file. I do not even remember his name. Maybe Aunty has them. I will do my job and welcome him and pretend I know everything I need to know about him.

Aunty:
A new boy would be starting today. It seems as if he is a bitter boy that is against the whole world. I read that he was a bully and disliked his old foster family because they had a trans girl. When I first met Shirley standing in my office, he reminded me of my nephew Allie. Allie was also a pretty boy and very short. The difference is that Allie had a girl inside him and was a nice boy. According to Shirley's papers. He was a rotten boy that was nice to be around. I was a bit cold with him as I thought this was just what the orphanage needed, another child who played the victim role and was mad at the world. Despite I do not like boys, it was my job to give Shirley a home. I am sure he had a good heart. The problem was he could never get the attention that he needed in an institution.

Shirley:
I was not interested in any orphanage. It was like sending me to a prison. When I saw the huge old stone building, I shivered and promised myself that this place would not change me. I was led into an office where a woman was waiting for me. I was speechless when I saw her. She looked like my mother. I was told that everyone called her Aunty. I suppose that was to make her look nicer. She did not seem nice. When she asked me if my name was Shirley, I told her to call me Shirl. Aunty gave me a stern look and said, “Your mom and Dad gave you the name Shirley for some reason and that is what I will call you. I did not know you would be so short. It will be hard to find clothes that an 11-year-old boy would wear when you are so short.” When she said this, it seemed so cold and as if she did not care about me. Who was this woman?

Doctor Mary:
The orphanage asked me to do a test on Shirley. This was a test that would test Shirley’s intelligence as well as his emotional side. It would give us a hint of how happy he was as well as what was going on in his mind. I think this is a wise thing to do as Shirley seems to act tough and put a wall around him. He is quick to judge people and lash out at people that were different. He cooperated during the tests and did not protest at anything. This being said he did not like the ink pictures that I showed. When I showed a picture, he would name someone who was hit by a car and the ink spatter pictures were the person on the road.

Sarah:
Thanks for having me. I suppose everyone knows me from the “Allie” stories. I am Allie's sister and often visit my Aunt at the orphanage. I visited her just as she was showing a new boy around the orphanage. When Aunty and I were alone, she told me his name was Shirley. I asked why he had a girl's name. Was he a sissy? Aunty said that some boys are called Shirley and the boy that just started disliked any feminine boy. I had to tease Aunty that she would do her best to make him think he was a girl. She did this with my brother Allie, so she could convince boys here at the orphanage that they were transgender. Aunty smiled and explained that she just helped Allie express what was already in his heart. As for Shirley, she thought he was just a bad apple and she was not interested in him. He was just like any other boy at the orphanage

Austin:
Hello, my name is Austin. I am 12 and was told that I would be sharing a room with a new boy. When he told me that his name was Shirley, I started laughing. Who would name their child that was a boy with a girl's name? Shirley was mad when I started laughing and told me to leave him alone. I just sat on my bed and watched him as he unpacked. It is hard to believe that he is 11 years old. He looks much younger. I suppose that some people do not grow. Shirley will be my roommate for a long time. This made me think that it was important that we got on. I tried breaking the ice by telling him how the orphanage was. Shirley just sat there and did not answer. I wonder if he knows how to smile.

Shirley:
Austin seems to be normal. At least he does not wear dresses. He does talk a lot. I told him that I wanted to rest. I dreamt once again about the diaper girl. I do not know her name but she is in my dreams every night. She is like a friend. This is even though she is very girly. She wears frilly dresses and of course diapers. She even has a pacifier and other baby things. Would I tease her in real life? What if she was a sissy? She is my age and is a baby in many ways. I have teased people for less. Despite this, I knew that she would be my friend. I love it when she is in my dreams. Sometimes I even take a nap just to meet her.

Susan:
My name is Susan and I have been at the orphanage since I was a toddler. Life at an orphanage can be hard. You do not have parents and the staff here cannot give us the love and attention as a mother or father could. When I do make friends, then they get adopted. I wanted very much to get adopted, but I also knew that the older I became, the less chance there was that I would be adopted. Aunty was very nice to me. I noticed that she was nice to all the girls but a bit more stern and distant with the boys. Everyone heard that a new boy was started. I heard some say that he must be a sissy because of his name. I do not care if he is a sissy or not. I welcomed him to the orphanage. When I first met him, he looked like any other boy. Shirley does have the face of an angel and his hair is longer than other boys. I noticed that he has long eyelashes. I told him that we can be friends. His answer surprised me. He asked why would anyone want to be friends with him.

Shirley:
I met Susan. I did not say much to her. It was hard to get a word in edgeways. She showed me around the orphanage and told me that the orphans all went to the public school in the village. She told me that she wanted to be my friend. This was strange. I never had a friend before. Logan wanted to be my friend but he was so weird. In the old school, everyone was afraid of me. I did not have any friends there. I wondered why I would want a friend. I did not know what a friend should be like. I was used to being alone. The thing was that I never felt so alone as I do now. This place was so big and there were so many children. I felt like I was in a zoo. No one wanted me and this meant that I was now in an institution for unwanted children. I had no parents or foster parents here. Aunty did not smile at me and I had a feeling that she did not want me. How would I survive her?

Aunty:
I spoke with Miss Hawthorne that the new child had been here for some days. Shirley has settled in. He tried to speak with me. I tried to avoid him as much as possible. This was not because I was afraid of manipulating him to become a sissy or a baby. Everyone remembers how I manipulated my nephew (Allie) to start acting and dressing like a girl. That was only one boy and it happened years ago. Shirley was nothing like Allie. According to his papers, he was a brat and evil. Allie was a nice boy. Shirley was not like Allie. In fact, Shirley did not occupy my thoughts. He did not occupy Miss Hawthorne’s thoughts. When I gave her an update about Shirley, she did not even remember him. We have a fool as a boss. Miss Hawthorne is in her dream world and always spaced out. In reality, it is me who runs this orphanage.

Shirley:
I started at the new school today. I got a warning from Aunty that she did not want to hear bad things about me. She wanted me to make her proud. This was the only thing she told me since I started at the orphanage. Susan showed me around the school and explained that the orphans did not have a high status. The children who have parents either feel sorry for us or think we are unwanted elements of society. I know this was my last chance so I will keep a low profile. This will be hard. I know I will have to bite my lip every time I see a weird person. At least Logan did not go to this school. My first day went fine as I did not cause any trouble. The other children seem so nice. The boys even wanted me to play football (soccer) during recess. I was polite and said no. I hate sports, especially football. Kicking a ball back and forth was not my idea of fun. I did try football at times, but could not even kick it. One of the boys at school is Declan. He tried to get me to play football by saying that all boys loved it. I was polite and said that he now met someone who did not like football. I was proud that I did not cause trouble today. I am sure that Aunty will be proud of me.

Susan:
Shirley is a nice boy. He is very quiet and hardly talks. I consider him a friend even though he never asks how I am or things like that. It is me who does all the talking. He is also quiet at school. Maybe he just is a quiet person. Shirley does not appear to be a happy person. He always finds me and hangs around me, so maybe he considers us friends. When he speaks he talks about Aunty. I think he considers her as a mother figure. I told him to be careful about looking up to her or becoming attached to her. Aunty is known not to like boys. She will just end up hurting Shirley

Victoria Temple:
That concludes this part. Shirley is on a new path and it's interesting where his journey will lead him. I hope you will comment on this part. What do you think of Shirley? Is he a child you want to adopt? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal”

Orphan Petal

June 2023 - Part 2

Shirley now is at an orphanage where Aunty works. He now will start a new journey. What path will he take?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Victoria Temple:
Time for part 6! Some readers have asked when will Shirley find out he is transgender. Who knows if he will? At any rate, he had begun a new journey that could end in many different ways. He could also not change and go deeper and deeper into the dark hold of bitterness and being judgemental as he had been. One reader told me that Shirley is not a bad child. He is simply a broken child or misguided by his parents. Now it's time to continue the journey of Shirley…

Doctor Mary:
The report based on the tests from the tests I have done on Shirley is done. They are very surprising. Shirley is a very intelligent boy and has a high IQ. There is a problem though with his social and emotional skills. Shirley finds it hard to deal with people who are different than the norm. This is not because he dislikes people who are different than he expects them to be. The tests indicate that people who are different challenge Shirley and he does not know how to interact with them. It seems as if the way he was raised by his parents influences this. His parents were not tolerant towards others who were not “normal” and this has confused Shirley. Shirley is split between what his parents raised him to be and what he sees in the world. It appears that he does not know what his own identity is. The boy keeps a lot locked up in him. Not knowing how to express himself or knowing who he is makes him frustrated and lashes out. I would need more time with Shirley to explore who he is.

Aunty:
Shrinks are strange people. When they speak, a lot of mumble jumble that needs to be translated. So what her report said was that Shirley's parents were old-fashioned and thought it was OK for their son not to accept people who were not normal. What is normal anyhow? On top of this, the shrink thinks that Shirley does not even know his own identity, Which does not make him special. He is only 11 years old and is finding out who he is. Confusion about your identity does not give you an excuse to be a brat or a bully.

Miss Hawthorne:
I got the psychological report about this new boy on my desk. I did not read it. Do they expect me to read all the written reports about the children here? I do not have the time or the energy to read everything about the children here. Why should this boy be any different? It's good that I have Aunty working here. She can read the paperwork and make sure the children here are taken care of. I prefer not to worry about the children and watch some soap operas on TV.

Shirley:
I wish that I could ask someone why I always dream about the diaper girl. Why did I look forward to having her in my dreams? She does not do much except wear pretty clothes and of course diapers. I think she looks very pretty. Her dresses are so frilly and the loveliest pastel colours. I know that she would be my best friend if she was real. The strange thing is that she is real to me. This is where I am afraid. If Logan wore diapers at his age or anyone else wore diapers, I would think they were weird and tease them a lot. I would never do this with the girl in my dreams. Was I changing and becoming soft? I know it would help to talk with someone about these dreams. I can not do this as they would think I am crazy. I do not want Aunty to think I was wonky.

Logan:
Shirley had never been nice to me. I feel sorry for him. He now has to live in that institution. I rang the orphanage to ask if I could visit him. I spoke with Miss Hawthorne and she did not even know who Shirley was. Then I spoke with someone called Aunty. I do not know why orphan children call her their aunt. She seemed quite nice but was reluctant that I should visit Shirley. Then she asked if I was the transgendered foster sibling that Shirley had. When I admitted that I am transgender, Aunty suddenly changed her mind and said it was a good idea that I would visit Shirley. The day after, she rang me and said that Shirley did not want to see me. This upset me but doesn’t surprise me. At least I tried.

Shirley:
Why would I want to see Logan? It was his fault that I was in this place. OK, this orphanage is not so bad. I do like Aunty and Susan makes me smile. Something strange happened today. Susan showed me her bedroom. It was very girly. Shirley was talking and talking about who knows what. Then I noticed something under a table. It was a bag of diapers. Susan was the same age as me (11 years old) and there was a bag of diapers in her room. Susan went quiet as she noticed that I had seen the bag of diapers. She explained that she used to wet the bed. She no longer wet the bed, but kept the bag of diapers in case she started again. Then she looked at me and asked me did I now thought she was a baby. I thought about the diaper girl in my dreams and told her that it made no difference that she wet the bed. Susan snapped at me and told me that she no longer wet the bed. She also asked me if we were friends. When I did not answer her, she asked me if I ever had a friend and knew how to be a friend.

Austin:
Shirley never says much when he is in our room. He is a very hard roommate to live with. He always seems to be distant or in a bad mood. Today was no different. Shirley was very quiet. When I asked him about what his problem was, he just answered that he was thinking of Susan. I joked and asked if he fancied Susan. This was an innocent question I could see that it was annoying him. I do not want to upset Shirley or anything like that. He was changing clothes when I said this and his only response was “Why are you looking at me changing, are you a fag?” This upset me. It was not funny. I heard that he was a bully at his old school and was kicked out by his foster family. I punched him in the stomach. When Shirley was winded after my punch, I told him that he would never survive in this place if he was a bully and lost his temper so much. I warned him that the next time he called me gay, I would hurt him. Shirley managed to swear at me and ran out of the room.

Shirley:
I should be mad at Austin. He punched me and I did not fight back. What was happening to me? A month ago, I would have defended myself. Now I found myself crying in a dark corner of the school where no one ever came. Why was I crying? I don’t even remember crying at my parent's funeral. As I sat, I thought that crying was something that Logan would do as a sissy. Aunty found me crying and asked me why I was so upset. I told her that Austin attacked me. Aunty wanted to know the whole story. I told her that I called Austin a fag. This made Aunty sigh and tell me it did not take me long to show my true colours. If I kept this up, then I would have no friends. Then she mumbled that maybe I did not want anyone to like me.

Aunty:
Is Shirley a problem child or not? He managed to get punched by Austin. Calling Austin gay was not the wisest thing to do. For the first, Austin is much stronger and maybe Shirley hit a cord in Austin that Austin did not want people to know about. At the same time, maybe Shirley is more fragile than we think. Maybe he has some conflicting feelings that confuse him. I told Shirley that if he is mean to people, they will be mean to him. I also asked him how he wanted to be remembered. Did he want to be remembered as a bitter and sad boy who was a bully or did he want people to miss him? I finished by asking him when was the last time that he made someone smile. If he did not know how to smile, then it would be very hard to make other people smile. I left Shirley alone to think about what I told him. Maybe he expected me to console and hug him, but I did not want to reward his behaviour. I had to sigh to myself as I walked away, Why are boys so complicated creatures?

Shirley:
Aunty is a hard person to understand. Is she not supposed to be like a mother to me? Yet when I was in tears and hurting, she did not fuss about me and told me everything was fine. She told me that I was wrong and got what I deserved. This did not upset me. In a way, it makes me like Aunty more. She is blunt and tells me what she thinks. There is no pretence and I can trust the woman. She also told me that I never smiled. When I came back to the bedroom, I looked in the mirror. I tried to smile but it looked so ridiculous. I had nothing to smile about. Austin wanted an apology but I ignored him. It was time for bed and I found something on my pillow. It was a pink pacifier. Why would I want a pacifier and a girl's one at that? I bet it was Austin who put it there. As I looked at him, I decided not to say anything. I just put it in my bed table drawer. I dreamt of the diaper girl using the pink pacifier.

Aunty:
Shirley has been here for some weeks and I know it is hard for him to settle in. He has not made any friends except Susan. Even with Susan, he does not consider her a friend. He asked me if she was transgender. Shirley knows that she used to wet the bed, but this only made him suspect that she was hiding other things from him. He suspects that she still wets the bed and is transgender. This is not true. It makes me wonder if Shirley is trying to find a reason to hate her. The other thing that I noticed is that Shirley has a talent for finding me. I would try and tell him that I had no time for him. This does not bother him. He just looks at me. I feel as if he is starting to idolize me. This is something I do not want to happen. I do not even know if I like him.

Susan:
Shirley came up to me on the playground today. I was playing with some children and when they saw him, they went. I do not think that the others can see what I see in Shirley. They see him as a grumpy and angry boy who judges everyone. I see him like a lonely little brother. I know we are the same age, but in many ways, I am more mature than he is. I know that Shirley does not consider me a friend, but he does want to play with me.

Austin:
Shirley is once again his quiet self and does not say a word to me. I tried to break the ice and tell him that he did not have to apologise to me. This got no answer so I asked him who is the baby he dreams about? This got a response and Shirley snapped back what I was talking about. I told him that sometimes he sleeptalks about a girl wearing a diaper. I do not think I've ever seen a boy blush so much. He warned me to tell no one about it. I asked why would I want to talk about him as no one wanted to talk about him. No one liked Shirley

Victoria Temple:
I know some readers are asking when Shirley will wear a dress. If Aunty is in his life, then many suspect that she will manipulate him. Life is a journey and if it does happen, it won't happen overnight. Shirley is more vulnerable than we thought he was. Also, I wonder why is the diaper girl always in his dreams. Is he idolizing Aunty? So many questions! I hope you will comment on this part. Would you want to be Shirley's friend? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

June 2023 - Part 3

Shirley now is at an orphanage where Aunty works. He now will start a new journey. What path will he take?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Victoria Temple:
We are now in the third week of June and let's see what Shirley is up to. One reader told me that the diaper girl in his dreams is interesting. Can the diaper girl be Shirley's conscience on how he treated others who are different or is it a cry for help that he needs a friend? Another reader wrote to me that when she started reading the story she disliked Shirley. Now she feels sorry for him and thinks he must be a very confused boy. Does Shirley even know who he is? Doctor Mary thinks a lot of his bad attitude is a reflection of how his parents raised him to be and how to act. Now that his parents are dead, can Shirley find his identity?

Susan:
Shirley does not get upset anymore when people call him Shirley and not Shirl. Aunty told us all that we are to call him Shirley, so maybe this is why he has accepted it. I think that Shirley is obsessed with Aunty. He asks me a lot such as do I know where she is. Then he goes and finds her. Today when he came into my room, he did not ask about her. I was doing my homework and nearly pulling my hair out because I did not understand a word. Shirley asked me did I wanted any help. This surprised me a bit as he never helps anyone. It's good that he helped me, as he is very intelligent. He also made doing homework funny and to be honest, I never laughed so much! It was also nice seeing Shirley smile and laugh. I wish others could know him like I do.

Aunty:
Why does Shirley want to find me all the time and just look at me working? I do not say anything to him and when I do, I just snap at him. I do not understand why he even looks up to me. None of the other boys here like me. I think the only boy that I ever liked was my nephew and I manipulated him into being transgender years ago. I also admit that Shirley could make a lovely girl. He was small and looked so slender and he had an angelic face. He just needed his hair to grow. I could convince him that he was a girl, but I decided long ago to mend my ways and not manipulate boys. It would be fun to make Shirley love to wear dresses, but I think of how tough it was for Allie and did not want another boy to experience the same that he has.

Austin:
I tried to have a serious talk with Shirley as he sat on his bed. I told him that I knew that he had a rough time, but he had to remember that everyone experienced bad things. We all lost our parents or our parents take care of us. Shirley looked at me when I said this with a confused face. Then I reminded him that he had no friends here as no one liked him. Some were afraid of him. He just mumbled that he knew this and did not need a friend. I told him that he would need social skills to have a friend. I do not think he knows how to be with others and this is not because his parents died. I bet he was always a grumpy and judgemental twat. Despite I do not know if I liked Shirley or not, I reminded him not to get attached to Aunty as she did not like boys. I think it's too late for this. He seems to be hanging around her all the time. I wonder if Shirley is this way because he has a secret he is not telling us.

Susan:
Shirley asked me today did I have a lot of friends. I answered that I did have friends but no close friends. This was probably because I talked too much. Once again, I asked if Shirley considered me a friend. He said in a low voice that he did not have friends. He does not even think that Aunty likes him. I had to ask why on earth he wanted her to like him. That woman could not ever replace his mother. She has no clue how to work with children. Then he told me that he wanted to tell me a secret. He has an invisible friend and she is in his dreams. When I asked more about her, he did not tell me. For a minute, he was almost more human with me. Then his usual stern and serious face came back and warned me not to tell anyone. This made me laugh and I asked him does he think that he could beat me up. I would hit back and I am much stronger. Shirley stormed out of the room. This made me feel sad. I would never tell anyone. It proves that I talk too much and say things before I think.

Shirley:
The last week I have been looking at other children here. They played with each other and were always smiling and having fun. When I looked in the mirror, I did not like myself. Aunty was right. I was slender and very short. A fly could beat me up. I thought of all the children that I pushed or hit. They never hit back. If they did, I would be constantly in the hospital. Were they afraid of me or why did they not stand up for themselves? The thing is that I never had a friend. I remember when I told my parents about this, they would say things like no one was good enough for me. The world is full of liberal fanatics who think that everything is allowed, no matter how wrong it is. Aunty is right. Austin is right. Susan is right. I am just a sad and mean boy who can not accept others. I feel bad about how I treated others. I remembered what I did to Logan. I remembered how I treated Austin and Susan. I do want to be liked. I want Aunty to like me. I don’t know why, I just want this so much.

Aunty:
Shirley has been here for three weeks now. He needs new clothes and he could use a haircut. He asked me today if I thought he needed a haircut. I do not like boys with short hair. I told him that we could wait until next month to decide if we should cut his hair. Shirley has nice hair and it seems to be a shame to cut it. I know what you are thinking. I want him to have hair that makes him look more feminine. This is not true. Boys sometimes look good with long hair. There was no rush. I know that Shirley is the focus of his documentary, but I do have other children to think about!

Susan:
Today was a day that will go down in history. Shirley told me that he wanted to have a serious talk with me. I told him that was fine and then there was silence. I asked him what the problem was. Silence. I thought he wanted to warn me once again about not telling anyone about his invisible friend. He did not speak. It was like making a stone wall talk. Maybe I would have better luck there. I looked at Shirley for some time as he looked like a nervous lamb about to be slaughtered. He finally asked in a low voice if we could be friends. I did not get a chance to answer as he was giving a hundred reasons why we should be friends. I started laughing which made him look like he was going to cry. Since Shirley came here, I have considered him as a friend and told him this. I do not think that he understood this as he asked if this meant we were friends. When I told him of course it meant we were friends, he had the largest smile on his face.

Shirley:
I now have a friend. This was the hardest thing to do in my life. If I had so much trouble asking a girl to be my friend, how would I survive when I needed to ask a girl to marry me? Still, I was happy that I now had a friend. People no longer could bug me that I did not have a friend. Wait... I have two friends. I also have an invisible friend in my dreams. I do not even know her name except she wears diapers, and is short. She had nice hair and a nice personality and people liked her, except the bullies. I am a bit crazy that I think so much about a girl in my dreams. This afternoon, I sketched her. I am not a bad drawer and used most of the afternoon making the drawing perfect as it could be. In the end, I was happy about the result. The diaper girl was no longer just in my dreams, she was also on a piece of paper!

Austin:
When Shirley told me that he was officially friends with Susan, I went quiet for a while. I wanted to laugh but did not want to hurt his feelings. I thought it was strange that he used the word “official”. I never heard someone saying that a friendship was now official. I did tell him that I found it hard to believe that he had a new friend. The response was that he did not care what I thought. Later, I found out that it was Susan. She does not have that many friends, so the two losers are good for each other. No one else wants to be friends with them, so at least they have each other.

Susan:
Shirley is my friend, but today he embarrassed me. We were having fun and then he suddenly asked me what it was like wetting the bed and wearing diapers. He wanted to know if I was teased. If I wanted to wear them all the time. There was a barrage of questions from him. He wanted to know what it was like being a girl, He wanted to know if I wanted to be a baby girl. I snapped at him and told him to stop. Did he expect me to all these questions? It was something that I did not want to talk about. I told Shirley that as a friend, I would answer him, but I did not want him to tell others. I already told him that I wet the bed and had to wear diapers. My roommate told everyone that I wore them. Some teased me a lot like calling me names and saying I was a baby. I had no friends and some thought I wet the bed on purpose to get attention. I did not mind wearing diapers. I felt safe when I did, but I did not consider myself a baby. I stopped wetting the bed 4 months ago. It was about time I got rid of the bag of diapers. The fact is that I was afraid that I would start wetting again.

Aunty:
I was walking down the hallway when I heard Shirley ask what it was like to wear a diaper. Do not worry, I was not spying on them. The door was slightly opened. It was interesting that Shirley asked so many questions about diapers. Interesting indeed.

Shirley:
Today I found a stuffed unicorn on my bed. I hugged it and wondered who kept giving me these strange gifts. A week ago it was a pink pacifier and now a unicorn. It must be Susan because I asked her a few days ago if she wanted to be a baby. These gifts are embarrassing. A girl's pacifier? A girl's stuffed animal? I suppose that I should not get mad at Susan. It's not as if she had boy things to give to me as a present. Besides, I had worse things to worry about. Austin found the sketch of my invisible friend and asked why I had drawn a picture of a girl in a diaper.

Victoria Temple:
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Why do you think Shirley is dreaming of a girl his age wearing a diaper? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

June 2023 - Part 4

Shirley now is at an orphanage where Aunty works. He now will start a new journey. What path will he take?

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Victoria Temple:
Welcome once again. I was thinking that Shirley goes through something that a lot of children go through. They have been influenced so much by their parents that at one stage they have to see the world through their own eyes and not their parent's eyes. Some adults may not even have learned this. For Shirley, we see that he is slowly realizing that people can think and act differently than he does, and this does not mean that they are bad. He has now a friend and this is a huge step for Shirley. He is learning that no one can live on an island as we are all social and need others.

Shirley:
Austin wanted to know who the diaper girl was in the sketch. I did not answer him but inside I was in a panic. How could I tell him that a pretty girl my age who wore diapers was dominating my dreams and I was obsessed with her? He already thought that I was obsessed with Aunty. A few days went by after Austin asked me who she was, I went and hid in my hiding place and just sat down and cried. I have been feeling so depressed and sad the last few days. I do not know why I was sad. Was it because I thought that the diaper girl in my dreams was making me crazy? Was it because I was told again and again that everyone here did not like me? Was it something else like I was not getting tall like the other children here that were my age? One sure thing was that I hated being sad.

Austin:
I noticed that Shirley has been more quiet than he usually was. It was different from the usual grumpy and egotistic idiot that he usually was. He was different now. I even heard him crying in his sleep. I tried asking what was bothering him. He did not answer me. Nothing new there as he never confided in me. I told him that I hoped he would feel better. “You are not the only one with problems,” I said and explained that we all have problems. The worst thing that a person could do is feel sorry for themselves. Maybe if Shirley would stop trying to get Aunty to like him, he could feel better. Shirley was now friends with Susan and he should see this as something positive.

Susan:
Austin spoke with me about Shirley. This was strange. The first is that Austin never spoke with me. The only times he spoke with me was to ask me why I hung around with Shirley. I do not think that Austin likes Shirley. Yet here he was asking me if I noticed that Shirley seemed to be troubled about something. This means that deep down Austin cared about Shirley. I agreed with Austin and thought that Shirley wanted Aunty to like him. She did not pay any attention to Shirley and this saddened the boy. I gave Shirley a copy of the story about what Aunty did to her nephew years ago. I told Shirley to read the “Allie” story. I hope that Shirley will see that Aunty is not the saint he thinks she is. See what the woman did with her nephew? I want to protect Shirley from her.

Victoria Temple:
You can read what Aunty did with her nephew by searching for the story on my profile. The story is called “Allie - The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten”

Miss Hawthorne:
A boy came into my office because he wanted someone to speak to. I had no clue who the boy was. How can people expect me to remember all the children here? He told me his name was Shirley. With that name, I had to ask him if he was a girl. This upset the boy and asked me if he looked like a girl. I thought that he could pass as a girl or a boy. I did not want to hear all his childish problems and advised him to speak with Aunty. This made the boy sigh as he told me that Aunty did not like him. My answer was that I did not have time. It's not so much that I did not have time, I just did not have the energy to hear his petty problems.

Austin:
Some people would never change. I tried to be supportive of Shirley today. When we were alone in our room, I told him that I did not mind if he was gay or not. There was a reason for me saying this. If someone met Shirley for the first time, they would think he had the body and face of a girl and think he was a girl. Even if he cut his hair, he would look like a girl. He has a very high-pitched voice. I think that this could be why Shirley does not have friends. He is struggling with the fact that he likes boys. I think the whole tough facade he has is for people to notice that he is not gay. Shirley did not like me asking if he was gay and launched at me like an attack missile. I pinned him down to the bed and told him that it was just a question. He could just deny it and life would move on. Shirley's only comment was to let him alone. He did not speak with me after this. Gay or not, Shirley is one weird boy!

Shirley:
I am mad at Austin. I am not gay! I remember my dad telling me that being gay was an abomination and a sin. After Austin pinned me down, I told him that I wanted to be alone and never wanted to speak with him again. Then I sat down to read the Allie story. I was shocked as I read this. Aunty persuaded her nephew to wear diapers and act like a baby. Allie was 13 years old! Is that not too old to wear diapers? Still, the girl that is in my dreams wears them and she seems very happy. Aunty did not stop there. She persuaded Allie to start wearing dresses and act like a girl. All this made me think that Aunty would love Logan. He loves being a girl. Maybe everyone is right and Aunty does not like boys. She wants all the boys to be like Logan and wear dresses. After I read the story, I had this feeling that it would be nice to meet Allie and ask him why he let Aunty dominate him so much and if he did not think he was doing something wrong by being girly.

Susan:
Shirley read the Allie book and was so confused about it. He told me that he thought that his old foster brother was weird because he wanted everyone to consider him a girl. Shirley thought it was so wrong that Logan could not accept the way God created him. He thought that it was worse that people just accepted him as a girl. Now that he read about Allie, he could see how confusing it was for Allie. He noticed that it took a long time to be happy. I smiled and told Shirley that that is the most important thing in life… being happy. Allie was manipulated and tricked by Aunty and this caused so much trouble, It was only when he made decisions himself, that Allie found happiness. “Do not let Aunty or anyone tell you how to be. Be someone that you can be proud of”, I said to Shirley. To be honest, I was proud of myself. I showed Shirley the type of person Aunty is. Maybe he won't be so obsessed with getting her to notice him.

Shirley:
A few days later, I was with Susan again. I am so happy that she is my friend. I told her that I had a strange request. Everyone said I had girly features. I wondered if I looked like a girl if my hair was done like a girl. So I asked her if she could fix my hair. Susan said she loved fixing others' hair so she put my hair in small tots. She also put some decorations in the hair. When it was done and I looked in the mirror, I could see a girl looking back at me. A part of me was surprised and part of me wanted to cry. Susan told me that a lot of boys could look like a girl if they wore the right dress and hair. That does not mean that they are sissies. I then told Susan that a month ago, I would never have asked anyone to do my hair in a girl's style. I was going crazy. Then I admitted that the invisible girl in my dreams was our age and she still wore diapers and acted like a baby all the time. I know that I should not like her or accept her baby ways, but she is like a friend. Susan just smiled at me and told me that maybe I could see beyond her diaper and see what was in her heart. She reminded me of the Allie story, where everyone concentrated on what he wore and how he acted and not his personality.

Susan:
Shirley confided in me today about his invisible friend. It does seem like a strange dream and just as weird that he dreams of the same girl every night. Still, he cannot control what he dreams. I tend to dream a lot about unicorns and bunnies. Shirley also told me that he considers him and me best friends forever. This nearly made me want to cry with happiness. I think it's so important to have a friend that you can have fun with as well as be serious and confide with. We must be there for each other.

Shirley:
Since I came here, I wanted Aunty to like me. I do not know why I think it's so important that she does. I think from the first day, she has impressed me. I admire her. She is so cool. The problem is that she seems not to like me. After reading the Allie story, I know what sort of person she likes. I know at the end that Aiunty will like me. I will make her proud of me.

Austin:
Shirley did something today that he probably never had done before. He apologised for the times he got mad at me and when he called me gay. He told me that it was wrong of him to assume things and to vent his temper at me. Shirley wanted to be friends. I appreciated the apology as I guess that any apology from Shirley is rare and must be a heartfelt one. I did not want to be his friend. I simply do not like Shirley. This answer seems to have disappointed him, but I did say that as we are forced to share the same room, we can be civil with each other.

Shirley:
I spoke with Aunty today and told her that I was going crazy. I told her the same that I told Susan about the diaper girl in my dreams. Aunty did not tell me to leave her alone. She sat down and gave me her full attention. I was happy that she seemed interested in what I was saying. I think this was the first time I ever seen Aunty so interested in me

Doctor Mary:
Shirley has been in the orphanage for a month and a lot has happened. I see these changes as something positive. He is not lashing out at people and is not being so judgemental. He has made a friend and even apologized for what he had done wrong. I think the gradual change is because Shirley is no longer influenced by his parents and the other children influence his behaviour and actions. I will not say that Aunty is helping. By not giving Shirley the attention he needs, she is making him desperate for her attention. It worries me that this is making Shirley more submissive and vulnerable.

Aunty:
I talked with Shirley today and told him we need to talk about the diaper girl in his dreams. Many say we should take our dreams seriously and maybe Shirley had to think about why he always dreams about this girl and why he likes her so much. He has to find out who this girl is. I think I know why she is in Shirley's dreams.

Victoria Temple:
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Do you think Shirley is more submissive and vulnerable? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

July 2023 - Part 1

Shirley has changed and is doing things he would never have done a few months ago

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Doctor Mary:
We have seen Shirley change from the aggressive bully that we first met. This can be because he no longer is influenced by his parents, who seem to have little tolerance for others. Shirley also realizes that he needs others, and I am happy that he has become friends with Susan. He even apologized to Austin. Shirley is changing. The one thing that worries me is his obsession with Aunty liking him. Will this have an impact on how he will act? How much does he want to impress Aunty? Shirley did read the Allie book and maybe thinks that Aunty likes feminine boys. Will Shirley try to make Aunty like him by being someone he is not?

Miss Hawthorne:
It's summer holidays now and that means the children have no school. I am sure that they are delighted. As for me, it means that I have no peace. The children will be here all day and that means high-pitched voices. I can just close my door and hide in my office. This worked for the last few years. The children know that they should not bother me unless there is a fire or something very big. If only we had a huge budget where we could send the children on a summer camp. That is not the case, so I just have to count down the days until school starts again.

Shirley:
Aunty asked me who the diaper girl was in my dreams and this question was in my head for days. It was only when I looked in the mirror one day that I suddenly realized who she was. I found Aunty playing a board game with some girls and told her that we needed to talk. I had to wait until she was done and this tested my patience. When Aunty and I were alone, I told her that I knew who the girl was. She was me! Then I started crying and told Aunty that I am so confused and afraid. Why was I dreaming that I was a girl and wore diapers? Aunty hugged me and told me that it was only a dream. I should not worry about dreams as they are not reality.

Jason:
My name is Jason and I am 14 years old and living at Genesis Orphanage. I was sent here when my mother could not take care of me. She could not even take care of herself. Since I was born, I have been taking care of myself. Living in an orphanage is like living on the streets. The strongest survive. I am nice to some boys here and we are like a gang. There is one person I do not like and his name is Austin. He thinks he is so great, but I suspect he is gay as a doorknob. I do not understand why everyone likes him.

Shirley:
Aunty knows the diaper girl in the dreams is me. She thinks I should not think about it as it was only a dream. That would be true if it was just a dream that I had once. I wonder why I am a girl in the dream. Do I want to be a sissy like Logan is? I am pretty sure that I would look like a girl if I wore girl's dresses. Some people who meet me for the first time think I am a girl. I suppose that is because my hair is nearly down to my shoulders. Before, I would have it someone when they asked me if I was a girl. Now I just blush. I am becoming a wimp! I remember that I beat Logan up for being a sissy. Now I admired that he is a sissy and does not care what people think. I wonder if the diaper girl in my dreams was a hidden part of me that felt like a girl.

Jason:
I have seen Shirley around since he came to the orphanage. I heard he is supposed to be a bad apple that never has anything good to say. Kudos to him as he is still only 11 and has a reputation for someone not to be messed with. You would never believe it as he looks like a wimp and everyone thought he was a girl when he started, He also shares a room with Austin. I tried speaking with Shirley today and asked him what it was like sharing a room with Austin. Shirley just shrugged his shoulders and said that Austin is gay. He must have spoke without thinking, as he tried to take that statement back. I just laughed and told him not to worry. Shirley smiled when I told him that he is cool.

Aunty:
Shirley seemed a bit surprised when I sat down next to him and started talking to him. I told him that I read about boys in the olden days who wore dresses when they were toddlers. It was fashionable then. I could see that Shirley looked at me in awe. I continued and told him that at times, I notice boys who missed being a toddler. My nephew was 13 when he realized how much he missed it. He remembered how easier life was when he was a toddler. He felt safe and he did not have the stress that he had as a teenager. Shirley asked me why I was saying this. I smiled and said I was just thinking about the diaper girl in his dreams and that he realized that the girl was him. I know what you are thinking… you think I am manipulating his thoughts. He was dreaming about this diaper girl before I could manipulate him!

Susan:
Shirley and I were alone today in the TV room. I was flipping through the channel trying to look for something fun to watch. I found “Young Sheldon” on one of the channels. Shirley took the remote and turned it to “My Little Pony”. I had to ask him why he wanted to watch that. It was something that I watched when I was in kindergarten. Why would Shirley want to see a toddler show for girls? Shirley just smiled and did not answer. After we had seen the show for what seemed like hours, Shirley asked me can we go into my room and if I would play hairdresser and fix his hair. Shirley did not mind if it was done in a girl's hairstyle. It was just a bit of fun. I shrugged my shoulder and agreed. One thing I like about Shirley is that he is unpredictable. He would never watch a girl's show or say he doesn’t mind I done his hair like a girl.

Austin:
Life can be so hard. My life has been hell for the last week or so. It's all Jason's fault. I have some close friends and I feel that I am a nice person. The problem is that some people do not have a nice bone in their body. Shirley can be a bully at times, but he is an angel compared to Jason. Jason and his gang have been calling me names and laughing when they see me. I know some people think that being punched is bad, but being called gay and the downgrading names that come with that is worse. I try and deny that I am gay. This only seems to make the teasing worse. I could try and beat Jason up, but he is stronger than I am. I suppose the only thing I can do is ignore the teasing and pretend it does not affect me.

Shirley:
Aunty's talk about young boys wearing dresses and her nephew wanting to be a toddler again even though he was a teenager made me think. It seems as if she liked her nephew being a 13-year-old baby girl. Is this why she told me about him and suddenly has no problem being around me after I told her that the diaper girl in my dreams was me? Did she want me to be a baby girl? It's impossible! I do not wet the bed and I am 11 years old. I am also a boy. Still, I did like seeing “My Little Pony”. Since I saw that program, I have been sneaking into the TV room when no one was there to watch toddler shows. “Dora the Explorer” and “Care Bears” are fun to watch. Maybe a part of me misses being a toddler. Maybe I am like Logan and should have been born a girl. Maybe Aunty knows this and this is why she now likes me.

Jason:
Today I showed Austin who is the boss. I know he is gay. Shirley told me so. When I asked Austin if he was gay, he denied it. This made me mad and I started beating up as I called him a liar. Austin tried defending himself, but my friends helped me. I do not think there was any place where he did not feel any pain after we were done with him. As he was on the floor crying, I gave him a warning. I told him that we did not want a gay boy at the orphanage. If he did not stop being gay, we would make his life a hell.

Susan:
I told you that Shirley can be unpredictable and he proved this today. He told me that we should play family. I thought that I would be the mother and he would be the father and a doll the baby. Shirley said that I could be the mother and he could be the baby. This made me laugh but I found out that he was serious. So we played for a while until he said that he did not feel like a baby. Shirley suggested that he try one of my old diapers. I thought this was just a joke, but he already found a diaper. As strange as this sounds, I helped him put it on. Shirley was not finished shocking me. He said it would be best if I wore one of my dresses. So in the end, Shlrley had a dress and a diaper under it. He looked in the mirror and said “Wow, I look like the girl in my dreams.” We played mom and baby daughter for a while when Shirley must have realized what he was doing. He quickly put his boy's clothes on and warned me not to tell anyone about this. The only answer I could think of was who would believe me if I did tell them?

Shirley:
It was hard to believe that I suggested to Susan that I should wear a diaper and a dress. I should be so ashamed of myself. I was acting like a baby sissy. Still, all I could think of was that it was fun. It felt as if I was a free bird. Aunty was right. When you're a toddler, you get a lot of attention and don’t have to worry. I was afraid that Austin would ask me what I did with Susan. He could not as he was in pain. Austin did manage to tell me that Jason and his gang beat him up because they thought he was gay. I must have gone white as snow when he said this. It was my fault as I told Jason that Austin could be gay. I should admit this to Austin, but I was too much of a coward to do this. It shows that my problems are nothing compared to what problems Austin has.

Aunty:
I am so tired of Miss Hawthorne. She sits in her office all day watching soap operas. She is never with the children here and does not care about them. In reality, it is me who runs the orphanage. I have to deal with children who have too much time because it is the summer holidays and even boys bullying each other. Austin did not tell me he was beaten up. I was not born yesterday, I know exactly what happened. Boys can be so primitive.

Miss Hawthorne:
Aunty seems frustrated and I bet she is stressed that the Children have summer holidays. I also bet she is frustrated with me. Aunty should be lucky that she is here. I know her past. I read the diary that her nephew published. She turned her nephew into a sissy boy and tried to kill his mother. It is a good thing that I am a kind woman and have given her a second chance. She is lucky to have this job

Shirley;
There are so many things going on in my head. I feel like I am changing. I feel weirder than Logan. Without realizing it, I opened my bedtable drawer and took the pacifier and teddy bear and went to sleep.

Victoria Temple:
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Why did Shirley dress as a baby girl? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

---

To read Victoria Temples non transgender stories,
Click here

Orphan Petal

July 2023 - Part 2

Shirley has changed and is doing things he would never have done a few months ago

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Doctor Mary:
Something has been happening to Shirley that would have been unthinkable a few months ago. Shirley was mean to anyone who was different. He had no tolerance or empathy for others. He broke Logan's arm for being transgender. Yet, in the last week, he has dressed as a girl and even wore a diaper. Now the big question I have is what going on in his head. Why did he dress as a baby girl and use a pacifier and a stuffie? Is this because he has no parents to influence him with their biased views? Some readers have said it could be to get Aunty to like him. If this is true, why would he do something like this? Some readers say that maybe he was a bully as it was a way he could suppress that deep down in him, he feels he should have been born a girl. So many questions and the only answer is to see which road Shirley takes.

Austin:
Shirley has been acting so strange lately. He tried to act so tough and cool when he started here. That was a bit funny as he is so tiny and looks so frail like a bug could beat him up. This has all changed. He no longer has outbursts or threatens anyone. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe he can be likeable now. At the same time, it is strange. Is he this way because he is not well, afraid, or just subdued? I have also noticed that he now sleeps with a pacifier and a stuffie. When I asked him, he just responded that he had been dreaming about a girl who wore a diaper. Then he admitted that the girl in his dreams was him. What sort of answer is this? Does he consider himself to be a girl that is a baby? That is totally weird. If Shirley thinks he is a baby girl, then he has some mental problems and needs help.

Susan:
Shirley wanted to play dress up once again. He wanted to be a baby girl once again. I told him that I did not want to do this. To be honest, it feels wrong. I only wore diapers because I wet the bed, but it seemed wrong that a boy Shirley's age wanted to wear one and pretend that he was a girl. I did not tell him this but just told him that I did not want to play that game. At first, Shirley was begging me to do it. He even had tears in his eyes. These tears ended in Shirley crying. He left the room and told me that he thought I understood. I did not understand him. Why would a boy beg me to let him dress as a girl and wear a diaper? I did not see Shirley for the rest of the day.

Jason:
Aunty was taking me to her office as she was mad at me for something. As we were walking by Susan's room, I heard Shirley crying and begging to wear a dress. This must have been my imagination. No way would a boy who wanted to be known as a cool boy ever wear a dress. At any rate, my instinct was that Shirley was not the person I thought he was. Maybe it's the influence of Austin.

Aunty:
I heard Shirley beg to wear a dress. This does not surprise me. I believe that the girl that he dreams about is his mind telling him that this is who he should be. Shirley may act like a macho, but deep down there was a girl trying to get out. All his life, he must have been fighting to suppress his femininity. Since he came here, he has let his true self come forth. I think that deep down, that Shirley is transgender. He wants to be considered as a girl. I had to think of how he could be supported. I do not want people to think that I have manipulated or brainwashed him. I just do not know if I should get involved or just let him find his identity himself.

Shirley:
I have officially gone crazy and I do not care. I am slowly becoming the girl in my dreams. It's not just so that Aunty will notice me and like me, although that is also good. When I wore a diaper and dress that day in Susan's room, I never felt as happy as I was then. When she wouldn't let me be a baby a few days ago, I felt so devastated. I started crying! I know it's crazy and not normal to want to be the girl in my dreams. But I also have learned that happiness is more important than being normal. I want to be the girl in my dreams. I am wise enough that I do so in private so no one ever finds out. I no longer even wanted Susan to see this side of me. I snuck into her room a few days ago and snuck two diapers from her bag. I suppose you can say that this was stealing, but I did not consider it bad. It's not as if Susan needs them anymore. I have been trying the diapers on alone when I was alone. Think of all the people I bullied, Like I did with Logan! What would they be saying if they could see me now?

Aunty:
I will not push Shirley one way or the other way. But I am intrigued by him and would love to know what is going on in his head. I asked him today should get his hair cut. Shirley spent a lot of time thinking and said that he would like to try long hair. When I asked him why, his only answer was that change is good. I told him that he could hang out in my office and we could chat about things. This seemed to have surprised him as he told me that he was never allowed to hang around with him. I had to smile at this. He was right. I did not want to tell him that he was suddenly interesting. Would I have thought he was interesting if he said that we wanted short hair?

Logan:
Remember me, I was the foster brother that Shirley had before he was sent to the orphanage. He terrorised me which included breaking my arm because he did not like that I am transgender. I tried to visit him a few weeks ago and he did not want me to do that. Now I received a letter from him. I had to read it a few times as it did not sound like the Shirley that I knew. In the letter, he apologized for the way that he treated me and hoped that one day I would forgive him. He invited me to visit him if I wanted. Shirley mentioned that he was changing and had no one to talk to. He knew that I could help him. This seemed interesting and made me think about what problems he is having. A part of me was also thinking if this could be a trick. Could I trust a boy that made my life a living hell at one stage?

Austin:
I am still getting bullied by Jason and his friends. They accuse me of being gay. I suppose you want to know if I am gay. I will not admit if I am gay or not. I do not think that it is anyone's business what I am. Even if am gay, it does not give anyone any right to bully me. What do I do that makes people think I am that way? I will not go crying to Aunty as I am no snitch. It's hard for me and I am always worried about when I would be bullied next and how. Maybe I should start lifting weights. Shirley has been very supportive. He told me that he used to bully people like me and now he knows better. Shirley told me that if there was any way that he could support me, to let him know. I thought this was a kind gesture. There was not much he could do. Shirley is tiny for his age and has no muscle in his body. At the same time, I know he has courage and he even beat up children before he came here. His support means a lot to me. It's always nice having someone on your side.

Susan:
I am very worried about my friend. Shirley has not spoken to me since I told him that I did not want to play dress up with him. I feel as if I have done the right thing. Still, I missed him. So I went to his room and knocked on the door. Shirley told me not to come in as he was getting dressed. I thought I heard him cursing on the other side of the door. When he did let me in, he was wearing shorts and a tank top. Austin was not there. Shirley was in a good mood and talked as if nothing happened a few days ago. When I asked him if he was mad at me, he smiled and assured me that we were best friends forever. I could see things were not totally back to normal. I could see the top of a diaper over the top of his shorts. At first, I thought that this was not the case until I could see how bulky his shorts were. There was no doubt that my friend was wearing a diaper. He most likely took one of mine. Was it my fault that he was acting more and more like a baby? I went back to my room and the first thing I did was throw the bag of diapers out.

Miss Hawthorne:
Aunty came into my office today and told me that she was worried. She thinks that Shirley is transgender and does not know if she should support him or not. I know why she was afraid. She manipulated her nephew to act and dress like a girl. In a way, she brainwashed him. She did not want people to think she found a new victim. The thing is that Aunty would love if this boy was a sissy boy. She does not like ordinary boys but has a weakness with feminine boys. I think that Aunty has to figure out how she will deal with this. I suspect that Shirley will be getting a lot of attention from Aunty. I remember that he was a troublemaker, maybe some femininity could make him more human and nicer to be with. I heard how boys get petticoated. This would have been a way of making him a sweet boy. Then again, it's easier if it's not a punishment and he decides himself.

Susan:
I threw out the diapers but today when I wanted to wear an old summer dress I had, I could not find it. My thoughts were that maybe I got rid of it long ago because it was getting small. My second thought was that it would fit Shirley. There is no way that a boy would sneak into my room to borrow or steal a dress. Well, he took some of my diapers that I used when I wet the bed. Shirley was not himself. He has been acting like a baby and at times a girl. What was happening to him? I felt bad as he obviously did not want to confide in me. Maybe this is because I did not want him to wear a dress. It's just not normal, is it? I know some boys are girly, but Shirley always tried to be a macho boy who had very little tolerance. Now he was acting like one of the boys he would have hated just a few weeks ago.

Aunty:
I talked with Susan today and asked her if she noticed that Shirley was acting strange. She told me about the diaper he took and she suspects he took a dress. I told Susan that Shirley was finding out who he was. I believe that he is transgender and until now has tried to subdue these feelings. Maybe this was the reason that he was so aggressive with others. I also believe that he is regressing, as he is happier acting like he is younger. The reason could be that he feels safer or it reminds him of happier times. At any rate, it is now that Shirley needs our understanding and support.

Shirley:
I now sleep with a pacifier and my stuffy. I know this is strange for someone my age. I like it and it makes me happy. Maybe this is why I am so small. I am not ready to act my age yet. I am wondering how far I will take this. Do I want everyone to see me as a baby? Is my happiness more important than what others think? One thing I have noticed is that Aunty seems to like me more now.

Victoria Temple:
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. What would you do if you were Aunty? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

July 2023 - Part 3

Shirley has changed and is doing things he would never have done a few months ago

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Doctor Mary:
We have to admit that Shirley has changed. It seems that he is doing his best to be the girl in his dreams. This means a whole new personality and identity. Some boys regress due to trauma or insecurity. Some have an interest in diapers as a fetish. I do not think that Shirley's interest in diapers is a fetish. I am not sure why he suddenly has this interest. There are no medical problems. Shirley is also more interested in girl's clothes. Aunty thinks that he has been suppressing his femininity and now allowing himself to be who he truly is. This could be true. All his life, he was influenced by his parents who would never have accepted his feminine side. Now he has freedom. I am not so worried about this at all. The choices that Shirley is making are his own decisions.

Susan:
Aunty told me that I should support Shirley more. She told me that he could be a girl in a boy's body and does not want to grow up and prefers to be a baby. This is so hard to understand. I know that Shirley was sent here because he could not accept that his foster brother was girly. Now he could be girly himself. If this is true, then I will still be his friend. It does not matter if he thinks he is a girl. It matters what is in his heart. I am the only one who could see that he had a good heart when he came here. It did make me smile that maybe Aunty was hinting that I share my clothes with him. It would be like having a twin sister. Shirley's hair was getting long, and he was complaining that it came into his eyes. So I offered to cut it so it did not. In the end, he had bangs. I was proud of my work even though the bangs did look like something that a toddler girl would have. The important thing is that Shirley loved it.

Austin:
OK, Shirley has changed. He is no longer the bitter arrogant bully anymore. He was being nice. Aunty told me that he could be a sissy and even want to be a baby. I could understand this. Shirley has been using a pink pacifier when he sleeps as well as a stuffed animal. I do not know if he realized that I had seen it. If he does he does not seem to care. To be honest, even though it is weird, I do not care either. He is being nice and that is the important thing. I also have secrets that I do not want people to do. To be honest, I do know how much I can accept it. I do not understand sissies. I will just turn a blind eye to it all.

Shirley:
I have discovered something lately about myself. All my life, I have judged others and treated many like dirt. I was never happy. I may have thought I was happy, but I was not. I was bitter and judgemental. Since I started to be like the diaper girl in my dream, I have been happy. I know it's weird to want to be a baby girl. I do not care. It makes me feel happy and I feel safe and I get attention. Aunty notices me a lot more now. The problem is that Susan no longer has the diapers. I secretly took one of her dresses. So I made an important decision. I will be the diaper girl and everyone can know this. I needed Aunty to know this. So tonight, I wet the bed on purpose. To be honest, it was not fun waking up in a wet bed.

Susan:
Shirley told me we needed to talk. First, he admitted that he had taken my dress. I already suspected that and as a way of supporting him, I said that he could borrow it as it no longer fitted me. Then he told me that he wet the bed. Somehow this did not surprise me. I asked him if he was ok as it seems he was acting more like a sissy and baby. Shirley shrugged his shoulders and said he was just being himself. This is who he always was and he never was brave enough to show it. Then he carefully asked if I was still his friend. I told him of course I was. When he went, I could not stop thinking of how much Shirley changed. I know he read the book about Aunty's nephew being a girl. I also know that Shirley wanted Aunty's attention. Was he doing this because he wanted to please Aunty and get her attention?

Shirley:
I have been wetting the bed for a few days now and Aunty noticed it. I asked me what was wrong. I told her that I started wetting the bed. I did not tell her that I had been doing it on purpose. Aunty told me a lot has been happening in my life like the death of my parents, my old foster family and now the orphanage. She told me it could just be a phase. I said in an embarrassing voice that maybe I needed diapers. This made Aunty smile and say that not many 11-year-olds would want this. She said she would think of a solution. I told her that I was not like other boys. When I went back to my room, I was frustrated. I thought that she would want to see me in a diaper. After all, she persuaded her nephew to wear them.

Aunty:
I am proud of myself. So Shirley wet the bed and even suggested that he wear diapers. This confirms to me that deep down he is more of a baby than an 11-year-old. I would not mind if he wore diapers. Boys tend to be nicer and easier to be with when they are sissy babies. Shirley would make a cute girl. Still, I told him that we would think of something. This seemed like the professional answer. Somehow I doubt if this is a medical condition. Maybe we are going to see who Shirley is and not how tries to convince people he is.

Shirley:
Aunty came and put a rubber sheet on my bed. She said that it would stop the mattress from getting destroyed. It was not the same as the diaper girl in my dreams, but it will do. Every time you sat on the bed, you could hear a lot of noise. Rubber sheets sure do make their presence known. I know I am becoming more and more like a baby. I use pacifiers when I sleep and now I have a rubber sheet. Who cares! I am happy and it makes me special. I have felt as if the whole world was against me and only bad things happened to me. Now it is as if I decide what happens to me and do not care what people think. I have continued to wet the bed on purpose. I remember the first time I did this, it was hard. Now it seems to be getting easier.

Austin:
It was right as Aunty told me. Shirley must be a sissy boy under that tough image he has. When I came into the room today, he was looking at himself in the mirror wearing a summer dress. I pretended not to notice. It's not like he got mad either when I came in. Shirley just looked in the mirror and ignored me. I must admit that no one would ever think he was a boy if they just met him. He is very cute. I have never seen him as being cute before. I just told him and told him that I never knew he liked dresses. Shirley smiled and said there were a lot of things that I did not know. This made me laugh as well. There are a lot of things he does not know about me either.

Susan:
Shirley is so happy these days. He told me about the rubber sheet and that he still dresses up. He keeps asking me do I think that he is weird and if we are still friends. I told him that Aunty thinks some boys are feminine and they do not mature as fast as girls. Shirley would always be my friend, no matter what he wore or acted. He could be a baby. He could be a sissy. This did not make any difference. I was only worried if other people would understand it. Only a month or so ago, Shirley would have beaten them up. Now he seems to want to be like them. Shirley quickly changed the subject and told me that Aunty now likes him and gives him a lot of attention. I had to smile and say “I wonder why”. I wonder how far Shirley will go to becoming like the diaper girl in his dreams.

Aunty.
Shirley got a rubber sheet and he had a doctor to examine him. The doctor could find anything wrong with him. This confirms my suspicions. I decided that I had to support him. If he was sure of how we wanted to be and it was not dangerous for him or others. I know that I can not be accused of manipulation or brainwashing him. Shirley has made up his mind and he was the one that asked me. Would it not harm him if I just ignored him and did not support him as much as I could?

Jason:
I used to like Shirley. However, I notice he only hangs out with Susan. She is a strange girl and does not have any friends. I suppose Shirley has chosen not to hang around the cool children and joined the loser group. I do not know why people do not like Susan. She is not just interested in things a girl her age should be interested in. She is too intelligent, pays attention in class, is not interested in what music is popular and is not fashionable. Now Shirley is in her club. He also shares a room with Austin, who we all know is a faggot. Who knows if Shirley is one as well? My friends and I talked about it, and they told me that he is only 11. He most likely does not know what it means.

Shirley:
Aunty came to my bedroom today with girl diapers. She said she would help me get changed every night. I tried to control my excitement and not jump up and down and thank her a few thousand times. I just shrugged my shoulders and told her if that was what she thought was the best, then it was fine. When I was in bed with a pacifier and a diaper on, I never felt as happy as I did not. Nothing could harm me. Nothing could hurt me. I felt loved and taken care of.

Austin:
Maybe it's wise that Shirley wears diapers in bed. I do not understand why they have to be girl diapers. The elastic on them is pink and it has girly cartoons at the top. Why would a boy be made to wear a girl's diaper? Then again how many 11-year-olds wear a diaper? Maybe the girl diapers are the ones that the orphanage had in their supplies. I do not care that Shirley is a bedwetter. He has supported me since I started getting bullied. So I will also support him.

Jason:
I saw Aunty go into Austin's room with a bag of diapers. Could a teenager like Austin also be a bedwetter? I had to find out, so I snuck into the bedroom when everyone was doing something else. It is true. There was a bag of diapers in there. This was too good to be true? The gay boy was also a diaper boy!

Miss Hawthorne:
Aunty told me that Shirley now wore diapers to bed. I did not like this. Diapers are not cheap. Do people think we have a huge budget? I told Aunty if the brat was wetting his bed, we should do what they did in the olden days. We should treat him like one. Let him live the life of a baby in a nursery and whatnot. If he wants to dress as a girl, then give him the full treatment. I am sure that a week after experiencing all this, the boy will be normal again. Besides all this, I am sure that Aunty would love this treatment

Victoria Temple:
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. What would you do if Shirley was under your care? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

July 2023 - Part 4

Shirley has changed and is doing things he would never have done a few months ago

This is a spin-off to the story "The Teenage Years of Alexander Horten"

---

Doctor Mary
Some have asked about my role in this documentary and how I know what is going on. I get a preview of what was said in the last part, and I suppose my job is to give a summary of what I read. Anyhow, I have read the last part and here is what I think...Shirley is now wearing diapers to bed and has been experimenting with wearing a dress. I do not see a problem here. It can be a phase he is going through. I still wonder how much of this is to impress Aunty. What worries me more is that Miss Hawthorne wants to treat him like a baby and a girl. Will making him live in a nursery help Shirley? Will treating him like a girl help him any? Would it not be better to give him the freedom and space to do what he wants? The question is how will Aunty react to Miss Hawthorne's plan?

Aunty
Miss Hawthorne wants me to put Shirley in a baby nursery and even treat him as a girl. Is this not punishing Shirley or at the best, it would manipulate him and force an identity on him? I think that he is just going through a phase of trying to be this diaper girl in his dreams. Susan says that he has one of her dresses. All this is his choice. No one has forced him to wear a dress or be a bedwetter. Let me tell you this, this morning, I looked at old pictures of my nephew when he was acting and dressing like a girl. It was a confusing time for him. Everyone was judging him if he should be feminine or not feminine. I do not want Shirley confused and feel Miss Hawthorne's plan would force something on Shirley that he did not want. Still, I suspect that Shirley has been wetting on purpose, so maybe he would love this treatment. I will do what Miss Hawthorne suggested. If it does not work, I can always use it against her.

Shirley:
Aunty told me that I would be getting a new room. When she showed me I just stared at it with my mouth open. It now had a bed, where the sides could go up. I suppose it's like a toddler cot. There was a changing table. In the corner, there was a box of baby toys. I just stood there and looked at it not knowing what to think. Aunty told me that she hoped I liked my new bedroom. It would help me find my identity and feel happy and content. She told me that she would come every day and help me get ready for bed. I just stood there in shock. I was moved to a baby nursery! I suppose that I started wetting the bed on purpose and was happy to be in diapers. Aunty was just trying to give me support and attention. I should not complain!

Austin:
I am only starting in my teens and maybe this is why I do not understand some things that adults do. Shirley was moved to another room. It is a baby's room. I feel sorry for Shirley. Yes, he wets the bed. Is just strange he now has a cot and baby things. Not only this, but everything looks so girly. You know everything is so pink and frilly. Does this place not have boy things? I would hate it if this was done to me. Shirley did not seem to mind. The way I see it, this is now Shirley's problem. Maybe it's good we do not share a room anymore. Jason has been asking me a lot if I wet the bed. He did not believe me when I told him no. Now that I was not sharing a room with a bedwetter, maybe people would not think that I also was one. It's bad enough that people bully me because they think I am gay.

Miss Hawthorne:
Things used to be so good between Aunty and me. Now I do not trust her. She always questions me when I decide something. She accused me of not caring for the children here and not having a clue what was going on. I have a feeling she thinks I am incompetent. Does she want my job? I am not ready to retire yet. That woman will not get rid of me. I will do anything to keep my job.

Jason:
I do not consider myself evil, but I do find it fun tormenting Austin. I do think he is gay and I even teased him for being a bedwetter. He pretends that he does not care what is said to him. I doubt that very much. I bet that he sits in his room and cries. I thought that Shirley could no longer tolerate Austin, as I heard that he was given a new room. Shirley put a sign on his bedroom door to keep out. I thought this was to keep Austin out. My plan was easy. I would be friendly with him and he could help me torment Austin. So when I went to Shirley's room and saw it, I was shocked. Shirley sleeps in a baby room. It is he who needs diapers and not Austin! The room is also so girly! Why are there so many weird boys in this world?

Susan
Shirley now lives in a nursery. I am so happy that this did not happen that time I wet the bed. It must be some sort of punishment, Maybe it is because he wet himself on purpose. It seems as if it is a weird punishment. It must be against the law. But who cares what happens in an orphanage? We are just orphans and a burden to society. Shirley seems OK with it. He has not complained at all and had no problem showing me the room. He did ask me not to tell others about his new room. The thing is that they would find out sooner or later. What would the other children here think of him? I just wanted Shirley to be happy, so I would support him no matter what. Who cares if he is a baby? I always wanted to be a big sister.

Shirley:
Susan and I were playing dress-up today. She let me loan one of her tops and shorts. The T-shirt had a pink elephant on it. The shorts were pink cotton ones. When I looked in her mirror, I looked so pretty. Susan did my hair in a ponytail and put a ribbon in it. We then played with some of her dolls. I could see that Susan wanted to talk about the way I changed. I did not wait until she asked. I told her that I did not consider the new baby room as a punishment. For some strange reason, I like it. I have no clue why I liked being treated like a baby. As for the dress-up games we played, that was just for fun. She told me that she admired that I was so brave, but what would I do when the others here at the orphanage found out? What would I say to Logan when he visits? Susan also suggested that I think why I felt comfortable being treated like a baby.

Aunty:
Susan had been telling me that she had been playing dress up with her and Shirley did not mind his new nursery. This makes me think that it is not like Allie (my nephew). In many ways, my nephew was pushed to be girly. He would never have worn a dress if it was not for me persuading him to do it. At times, he had an internal fight if he was a boy or a girl. He was told what he should be. Now I can see that Shirley is different. He has chosen his own path and is willing to decide his own journey. The baby room he got was a way to support him. I will support Shirley in any way I can. I just hope the others here will accept him in whatever he decides. I myself must admit that so far, Shirley is a cute baby. He only wears diapers in bed so not a full-time baby. I am sure he enjoys the dress-up games with Susan. One thing that I also like is that since Shirley started this journey, he has been well-behaved. We can no longer see the judgemental bully that he once was.

Logan:
I decided that I would visit Shirley. I know that he was mean to me. I always thought he hated me. So it was more out of curiosity that I met him. We met in his friend's room. Her name is Susan. This was my first surprise as I never expected him to be friends with a girl. Shirley told me that he would not hurt me and he was sorry for everything that he did. He told me that at the time, he did not understand me. Since then he has changed. He even tried to wear a dress. I was shocked and did not know what to say. Hard to imagine Shirley in a dress. It could explain why his hair was now well on the way down to his shoulders. Shirley was very interested in how I found out that I wanted to live as a girl and what it was like. I told him my story and that I am very lucky as no one ever gave me a tough time about it, Everyone accepted me. Shirley had a lot of questions about being a girl. After this, he showed me his room. He smiled at me and said I was no longer the only weird boy. I admitted that I don’t think I could ever accept sleeping in a nursery!

Susan:
I knew that logan is a sissy, but he looks nice and he is a nice person. I do not know why Shirley would ever bully a person like that. I was confused with logan. Do I think of him as a boy or do I think of him as a girl? Do I say he or she? Will Shirley end up like Logan? I think Logan had the same thoughts. He seemed to be wondering if this was the same Shirley that he once knew. Later Logan talked to me in private and said he wanted to know if Shirley was ok. Logan said that he had never seen Shirley smile as he done today and he was so kind and understanding. I admitted that Shirley did change a lot and it was hard to understand at times. Logan did enjoy the visit and hoped that Shirley wanted to be friends, and all this was just not an act to get back in his family. I never thought about this. Was this just Shirley's way of becoming Logan's stepbrother again?

Jason:
I had to tell everyone about Shirley's baby room. At first, I told them that he wore diapers. The only response was that who cares, he is only 11 years old and some do wet the bed. Then I told them that his room was a baby room. They did not believe this, so when Shirley was in Susan's room, we sneaked a peak in the room. It was so funny that my friends were speechless. I know that all this probably has ruined Shirley's reputation and he will be called names and whatnot. Everyone will think that he is a baby. This is not my problem. He is the one who does not care that he sleeps in a cot.

Miss Hawthorne:
This girl came to visit me today. She told me that her name was Susan. She told me that she was worried about Shirley. I had to sigh when Susan mentioned his name. At any rate, she is worried that Aunty is treating him like a baby and he now sleeps in a nursery. This was interesting. Aunty did what I suggested. She could not resist the temptation to do it when I suggested it. Another thing is that Shirley did not protest. I got a bit mad at the small girl and told her I wish people stopped talking about Shirley. There are other children here.

Shirley:
I wish that people would stop bothering me. Everyone is calling me a baby and some are asking if I am a sissy. The thing is they may be right. Am I becoming a baby and a sissy? What would my parents say if they were alive? They would see their son who wets the bed, wears a diaper and sleeps in a cot. They would see their son wearing a dress when he plays dress up. They would see other children calling him names. They would be so ashamed of me. Is this how I want to be happy? Do I want to be happy the way I am now or the way my parents wanted me to be?

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. What would you think if you were Logan? What advice would you give Shirley? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

August 2023 - Part 1

Shirley must decide if he is brave enough to be like the girl in his dreams

---

Doctor Mary:
My job is to give my views on what happened in the last part. I was shocked at many things. First Shirley was moved to a baby nursery. This seems to be done as a punishment from Miss Hawthorne which in my view does not help at all and is a form of child abuse. I was also shocked that Shirley liked his new room. The question is does he like it, does he want to please Aunty, is he just becoming submissive? If Shirley does like the new nursery then the question is why? Is he regressing? Is there a psychological reason as to why he accepts this? Another thing that I noticed is that he is beginning to ask what his parents would say to his diapers, nursery and when Shirley plays dress-up games. Shirley thinks they will be ashamed of him. Other children are also starting to tease him. How will all this affect Shirley?

Shirley:
I am not used to being teased. All my life, it was me who teased and bullied others. Now everyone is saying that I am a baby. I understand why they call me names and think I am strange. I do wet the bed and this is something I have done on purpose. It's my fault that I wet the bed. Aunty gave me diapers and this nursery because she is trying to help me. It's all because of the diaper girl in my dreams and when I realized she was me. Then I wanted to be her. I will also admit that I was happy when only Susan knew. Now that everyone knows, I do not know what I was thinking. What happens if they find out that also play dress-up where I dress like a girl? I know what I would do if I was them. My life will be hell. Is this something I wanted? Am I brave enough? Should I just be what my parents and everyone else think I should be?

Susan:
Shirley is so sad and at times I have seen him crying. He just sits in a corner of his nursery room with a pacifier in his mouth holding a stuffed animal. I hate to see him like this. I know the others think it's weird that he has a baby nursery. I think the same. I just tell them that this is Aunty's way of punishing him and trying to get Shirley to stop wetting the bed. Shirley most likely started wetting the bed because he couldn't cope with his parent's death. This was just something I made up. It could be true and no one in this place had parents so you think they would have sympathy with Shirley. This was not the case. They bullied poor Shirley just as much. People can just be so mean. It's so sad to see.

Miss Hawthorne:
Aunty and I argued today. I told her that I suspected that she did not respect me and did not think I was capable of doing my job. I reminded her that she was lucky to have a job. She has no qualifications and she has a bad reputation after her nephew wrote his memoir of how he was brainwashed to be a sissy. Aunty got upset when I told him that she was now doing the same with Shirley. She is making him sleep in a crib. The boy is 11 years old! This is where the argument started. Aunty told me that the nursery was my idea. I know I have a bad memory, but I do not remember saying this. If I did, it must be my medication. I shrugged my shoulder and told Aunty she was paying too much attention to this boy. She should remember that other children were here as well.

Logan:
My mother did not believe me at first when I told her that Shirley was now a bedwetter and slept in a crib. Not only that, but he also plays dress-up wearing girl's clothes. Mom had the same thoughts as me. Why did he change so much? Was it his plan to get on our good side so he could move back with us? My mom told me that she did not want Shirley as a foster child again. She did not trust him. She felt bad about not wanting to help a child, but she thought that Shirley had his chance. Mom could not forget how he treated me and even broke my arm. I did not disagree with Mom. A part of me will always be afraid of Shirley. Mom also thought that the radical changes in his personality could be a sign that he had mental problems. She did not feel that she could cope with this and how it would affect our family.

Jason:
I still tease Austin. I am certain that he is gay. We are told that bullying and teasing others is wrong. We should tolerate each other. This is rubbish. What if Austin started flirting with me or any other boy? This would be so wrong! He could corrupt us and try to make us gay. Maybe this is why Shirley was moved because the adults did not want him to be corrupted. Maybe it's because they were already boyfriends and the staff did not like this. Maybe the nursery was the only place he could sleep. The thing is that Shirley did not say he did not want a baby room. He just accepted it. Everyone also knows that Shirley is a bedwetter and wears diapers in bed… or I should say his crib. So all this means that he is just as screwed up as Austin. He is just a baby and does not want to act his age. Taking all this into consideration, I think that I have a right to call Shirley names. It's my way of telling him that I know how weird he is.

Austin:
Being in a room by myself is something I have to get used to. It's also a good place for me to hide at times. This is because Jason and his gang's favourite pastime was making my life a living hell. They want me to admit that I am gay. I won't admit this. If I admitted it, they would get worse. If I denied it, they would not believe me. It's not just me that is being bullied. Shirley gets it worse than me. This could be karma at work, as he used to be a bully himself. I will be honest, I am confused to as why he wets the bed. I also know things about him that others do not. I have seen him wearing a dress. Still, we are all different and everyone has a secret. Why can't people just leave each other in peace and hope we will be happy?

Aunty:
Shirley asked me when he would get a normal bed and when he would get new clothes. He told me that he was being called names all the time. People know he wets the bed and that he has a baby room. He also was afraid that his parents would be ashamed of him. I had Shirley sit down while I thought about it. I told him that he was the one who wore Susan's dresses and liked playing dress up. He wets the bed and the diapers just make things easier. He needs to think about what makes him happy. Maybe he wants to be the person in the girl in his dreams. Maybe he feels more feminine and he should have been born a girl. Maybe he is not ready to be 11 years old. The thing is that I cannot decide who he is and how he should act. His parents cannot decide. Whatever he decides, some people will like it and some will not. Shirley has to be the person that he feels he is and makes him happy. He has to learn not to care what others think. He has to be brave. Shirley was by now in tears and asked me why life had to be so confusing.

Shirley:
It is hard to believe that I changed so much. I used to be normal but now look at me. Aunty gave me a lot to think about. I wet the bed on purpose. I decided to try on dresses. Deep down I want to be like the girl in my dreams. I also like the attention that Aunty is giving me. I like my new bedroom. The person I was was not me. I was not happy. Since I started doing these things, I have been so happy. It's as if I finally feel safe and wanted. Is it bad to be different? Is life about not being happy? I would follow Auntie's advice. This meant being the person who made me feel like I was wanted and felt happy and safe. Maybe this means that I will be like a girl or a baby. It would mean that I would not have many friends, but I never had many friends.

Jason:
Aunty tried to persuade me to be nice to Shirley and Austin. She could have been right when she said that we are all different and the world is a nice place if we all are nice to each other. However, I got mad at her. I told her there is a limit to what the world should accept. We should not tolerate an 11-year-old boy who wears diapers and sleeps in a crib. I could not understand how she could not see this. The world should not accept gay boys. Aunty told me that we did not know if Austin was gay or not. He probably did not even know. This did not matter. I shouted that both boys should be locked up in a padded cell.

Susan:
I have got to know Shirley since he moved here. He has changed a lot and maybe this is his true identity. This does not bother me. What bothers me is that I think I may like him more than a friend. I would love to have Shirley as a boyfriend. Why does this worry me? Because we have a good friendship. Let's say we became romantic and that does not work out. Then we may not even have a friendship. Plus how do I know if he likes me the same way? I think that it's best that I just keep these feelings locked up.

Austin:
Shirley used to annoy me so much. He has changed and the way he wants to be is something I do not understand. However, I do like his bravery and I admire his friendship with Susan. I do not think he deserves to be teased as much as he experiences. Who cares where he sleeps or if he wets the bed? As long as he is a nice person. I made a decision today and that was that he needs a protector. I am strong enough to fight anyone here. I would do my best to protect Shirley from the bullies. It would make me sort of like his bodyguard. This was hard to believe that I wanted to do this. When Shirley started here, I did not even like him. Now I would fight for him. Maybe I was being a little bit selfish. If Shirley gets bullied less, then maybe I would be teased less.

Aunty:
I gave Shirley some new clothes today. They were not clothes an 11-year-old would wear. Maybe a child in first grade. They were unisex clothes. They were mostly in pastel colours. There were no dresses or very girly clothes. Shirley would now have nice t-shirts with pictures of rainbows, unicorns, fairies, princesses and so forth on them. He would have shorts and leggings. Some of the shorts were so baggy they looked like a skirt. There were also panties and sports bras as well as tights and panties. I found some girl sandals and sneakers as well as Mary Janes. Shirley's smile was radiant when he saw them. He said that the colours looked like a rainbow. This made me laugh.

Shirley:
I invited Susan to come in and look at my new clothes. The only comment was that she said she would love to have half of the clothes. She even asked me if I truly liked them. I love the clothes I got. We decided to spend the next hour or so trying them all on. I was having so much fun. I forgot all about the doubts that I ever had. This was when I was sure that I was the girl in my dreams and this is nothing I should be ashamed about! Susan seemed to like the dress-up game as well, although she did give me some strange looks

Orphan Petal

August 2023 - Part 2

Shirley must decide if he is brave enough to be like the girl in his dreams

---

Doctor Mary
Where do I start by summarizing the last part? I can start by saying that children can be so cruel to each other. Oh yes, I know that Shirley bullied others and even harmed his foster brother before he came to the orphanage and some think that this is just payback time or Karma. He is getting the same treatment that he gave. To some, this seems fair. I am not one of them. Shirley is trying to figure out his identity. He is acting in a way that he despised a few months ago, One has to admire his courage, that he will be the person he wants and not care what others think. I still think that it's strange no one is asking why he wants to be the girl in his dreams, and why he suddenly is regressing and acting more feminine.

Shirley:
I know that I have changed and I have accepted it. There is one thing that I cannot accept. I never cried before I came here. I did not even cry when my parents were buried. Now it seems like I cried all the time. Maybe this was because I was being called names all the time. It is not so much the names that they call me that bothers me. I can get used to being called a baby. The problem was the spirit that it was said in. It was said in a mean spirit. It was said just to hurt me. It did hurt me that everyone thought I was weird. They did not care if I was happy. They wanted me to be like them. This hatred made me cry more and more.

Aunty
I wanted to cheer Shirley up. So I searched the attic and found an old dollhouse, some Barbie dolls and a lot of stuffed animals. There were also some old boy toys but I left them there. Shirley was delighted that I gave him the new toys. He told me that Susan could play with them as well. Without thinking I commented that Susan may be too old for the toys and even the clothes. Shirley laughed when I said this and said that Susan and him are the same age. This made me think that he is not fully aware of how much he is changing. Could the regression be something mental? The important thing is that he is much happier now compared to what he had been.

Susan:
I am also starting to be bullied by others. It is because I am Shirley's friend. The other children here think that he is weird. I do not think this. Shirley is just different, but he does make me laugh and he is fun to be with. It's like he could be a sister. Well, It's wrong to consider him as a sister, as I am sure that I fancy Shirley. Being Shirley's Friend means that I will never be popular. Maybe I will never have friends. In a way, this should have bothered me. It did not. I consider myself lucky. Shirley is a good friend. I will always support him and do my best to understand him. Besides all this, I never had a friend. Shirley is the first good friend I ever had, so I am in a better place than where I was a few months ago.

Shirley:
Austin asked… Susan asked... Aunty asked… they all asked why was I using a pacifier more and more and why was I always carrying a stuffed unicorn. This was hard for me to answer. I have realized that I have been crying more and more. I cannot explain this. I never considered myself a crybaby and never cried much. Now I cry a lot. Susan thinks it's healthy for me to cry as it means I do not keep things bottled up. I do not know how using a pacifier has now become a habit. I found it weeks ago on my bed. Then I started sleeping with it. Now the pacifier calms me down and is soothing when I feel sad or cry. The girl in my dream also has one, so it can't be all that bad. Austin asked me do I felt embarrassed that I still use it. I told him I only use a pacifier when no one sees me. Then he pointed out that even when I do not use it, it's always in my pocket.

Austin:
We all have secrets. I have a big secret and it feels like a volcano in me at times. It's like at times, I think that it would be better that the whole world knows my secret. However, I am afraid of how people will react if they know my secret. In a way, Shirley and Susan have influenced me a lot. They are not afraid of what others think about them. Especially Shirley. Strangely, he is acting more and more like a baby, but he does not change who he is just because he gets called names and whatnot. It could mean that he is just stubborn or crazy, but it most likely meant that he was happy and content the way he was and was not going to be dictated by society how to be. I am not like him or Susan. I do not like being teased. I do not want to be different. I do not want to be weird.

Shirley:
Despite that I no longer share a room with Austin, I still visit him. He does not think that I am bugging him. Often we do not say anything to each other. I think that we are both sad at times. I know that Austin gets teased a lot because people think that he is gay. I think that is much worse than how they tease me. Being called gay is much worse than being called a baby. I feel very guilty about Austin being teased as I feel that is my fault. I was the one that told Jason that I thought that Austin was gay and now everyone thinks the same. Austin is a friend and he should know that this is all my fault. I should admit it to him. I am just afraid to do this. I do not care if Austin would beat me up. I am afraid that he will never forgive me or like me again.

Susan:
I may only be 11 but in many ways I think like a teenager already. Sometimes it can be hard to live in an orphanage. Some can be so mean. This is not just the orphanage. The whole world is mean. So many people in the world suffer. There are famines, shootings, war, terror and discrimination. Shirley and I had a long talk about this. This is when I found out that Shirley may act like a baby, but his mind does not. His reaction to all this was that someone always is worse off than we were. This is probably one of the wisest things that I ever heard.

Shirley:
Something happened today that I did not want or plan. I was playing with a dollhouse when suddenly I wet myself. I never wet during the day time. The more I thought of it, I realized that I no longer was aware of when I wet the bed at night. This scared me as it meant I was losing control of my bladder. This probably meant that I no longer would know when I had to pee. I would have to wear diapers all the time. I wet the bed on purpose but now I wet without even knowing it. It was just like the girl in my dreams. She wore diapers because she was an 11-year-old baby. Was this my destiny?

Aunty:
Shirley talked with me today. He told me that he wet the bed at night time without knowing it and even wet himself during the day. This made me think that his bedwetting did not start as an accident. I did not comment on this. He looked worried. He started something that he could no longer control. I think it was his mind or his body telling him what he was. This is what I told him. He thinks the girl in his dreams is him. He wants to be the diaper girl in his dreams. His body is helping her to become the girl in his dreams. I advised Shirley to think if he wants to be this girl in his dreams or if he wants to be more like a boy. If Shirley is the girl in the dreams, then he would be transgendered. This means he would be a girl with a boy's body. I told Shirley to think of who he is. Then it will be easier for me to help and support him. It would also be easier for Shirley not to be confused about his identity.

Shirley:
Aunty thinks that I could be transgender. She thinks I am a girl in a boy's body. This made me think a lot. I always thought that maybe the diapers and dressing up were just pretending or like a game. Even the baby nursery was a game. Now I think that this is more than a game. I am so happy when I am dressed as a girl. I was even happy when I was a baby. This may sound weird. I thought Logan was weird because he thinks he is a girl, now I can understand him. Being transgender is who Logan is. It makes him happy. God must have made a mistake in giving Logan a boy's body. God also made a mistake in giving me a boy's body. Before I came here, I was always bitter, angry and mean. Now I had friends and was happy except when I was being teased. The diaper girl in my dreams showed me who I was and Aunty and Sarah have supported me.

Austin:
I miss having Shirley in my room. Yes, he was annoying and he was as strange as they came. However, he is like a little brother. Since he changed, he has been so vulnerable. It's as if he is a china doll that can easily break. This is the total opposite of the moronic selfish idiot of a bully that he was when he first came here. I just want to protect him. I consider him more than a friend. Shirley is like a brother.

Susan:
Aunty surprised Shirley, Austin and me today. She said we were going on a field trip. I wondered why the other children were not invited. Maybe it was to give us three a good experience. Aunty knows how hard it has been for us lately. She took us to a lake where we could swim. Austin had swimming trunks on and I had a one-piece swimming costume on. Shirley changed and had a huge smile on his face. He told me that Aunty gave him a swimming costume. It was a one-piece just like the one that I was wearing. Austin and I were silent as Shirley kept on asking us if we thought it was pretty. I wanted to ask him if he realized that he was wearing something girls wear and boys would never want to be seen dead in. I kept quiet. Austin could not keep quiet. He told Shirley that no one would ever guess that he was a boy. This made Shirley smile as he hugged Austin and said thank you. We quickly started splashing around in the water, which was a bit cold. We were having so much fun. It was as if time stopped. I wish we could have stayed here forever!

Miss Hawthorne:
Aunty seems to be spending a lot of time with Shirley. It's no surprise as Shirley must remind her of her nephew. She feminized her nephew and I am sure she is doing her best to feminize this poor boy. I will sit back and let Aunty dig a hole for herself. If she wanted to take my position here, then what she is doing with Shirley will end up haunting her. I could have put a stop to this nonsense, but I also wanted to make my position stronger here at the orphanage. If Aunty tried to cause trouble, I would use this against her.

Shirley:
I have been thinking a lot about what Aunty told me. The trip to the lake helped me make up my mind. When Austin said that I looked like a girl, it was the best compliment I ever got. I felt like a girl. I was a girl at that moment and I liked it. I know who I am now. It will make my life harder, but I will be happy. I went to Aunty and thanked her for the trip to the lake. I also asked her if I could have some dresses.

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. If you were Aunty, would you give Shirley a dress? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

August 2023 - Part 3

Shirley must decide if he is brave enough to be like the girl in his dreams

---

Doctor Mary:
Time for me to give my comments about the last show. The bullying seems to be just as bad as ever for Shirley, Austin and Susan. Austin finds it hard to cope with. Shirley cries when he is teased and Susan seems to shrug her shoulders. It seems as if they are finding strength and support with each other. I do think that adults should put their feet down when it comes to bullying. Aunty seems now to be very interested in Shirley and this has started since he has been regressing and becoming more feminine. Shirley is starting to believe that he is transgender. Has Auntie's sudden attention something to do with this? I would hope that Aunty or Miss Hawthorne would get some help for Shirley and see if he has any emotional or mental issues.

Shirley:
Susan is a good friend and so is Austin. I still didn’t tell Austin that everyone thinks that he is gay because I told Justin. Otherwise, Aunty now likes me. She no longer tells me to leave her alone when I try to hang around with her. She talks a lot to me and is very nice. Otherwise, the other children here either ignore me or tease me. A lot has happened has happened since I came here. I was becoming a person that I once despised. At times, this was so overwhelming. I sometimes need time to think by myself. This is quite hard when you live in an orphanage. I found a small corner in the attic. It had a lot of pillows that I could sit on. I put a picture I had of my parents there. This was a perfect place where I could be alone and think about the thoughts that were flying around in my head.

Aunty:
Shirley reminds me so much of Allie, my nephew. The difference was that I had to manipulate and persuade Allie that he was a girl in a boy's body. Shirley is different. He asked me if I could give him some dresses. Allie was also in doubt that he was transgender and was always afraid of what people thought. Shirley was different. Yes, he was being teased very badly at times, but he does not shy away from what he wants. He asked me to get him some dresses. He is sure that he should have been born a girl. It is Shirley who asked me for dresses. I did not try and persuade him or manipulate him into wearing dresses. He came to me and asked me for dresses. I did not even suggest it. I found some old dresses and gave them to him. I suggested that he did not wear them in public, but used them when he was playing dress up. Shirley was a bit sad when I said this, but he understood.

Austin:
I had enough of how Jason was treating others. I did not think that I could ever beat Jason in a fight. Maybe I could if I was determined enough. Today my patience slipped up. I marched over to Jason while he was calling Shirley a baby and diaper boy. I pushed Jason against the wall and told him that he was just a bully. Yes, Shirley may have problems. I could be gay or not. It was none of his business. Jason most likely is a bully because he has more problems than we have. He probably has a secret that he does not want anyone to know. At any rate, I told Jason that I would not tolerate him tormenting anyone at the school. When I said this, everyone started clapping. I felt as if I was about to faint. My heart was beating so fast while I was warning Jason. I think that I said something many were thinking.

Jason:
I am so mad at Austin. He had embarrassed me and made me look like a thug. I am not a bully. I do call Shirley and Austin names, but that is their own fault. If they could be more normal, then I could not call them names. They are both mental cases and should be locked up. Now Austin threatened me and the whole school clapped at him. I felt so humiliated and alone. Who does Austin think that he is? After he threatened me, I vowed to get revenge on him. I would not beat him up. I will do something he will feel for a long time. I am not evil, but I will not let anyone threaten me and have everyone at the orphanage think I am a bad person.

Aunty:
A woman from the orphanage's board of directors came for a visit. She did not want to inspect the orphanage. She wanted to speak to me about Miss Hawthorne. I praised Hawthorne as a good boss. I said she was experienced and she was very tolerant. Then I told the woman about Shirley, explaining that we had a boy who had regressed and could be transgender. Miss Hawthorne suggested a girl's nursery. I sorta lied when I said that I thought at first that this was a punishment, but the boy loves his new room. It was Miss Hawthorne's way of supporting Shirley. The woman told me that she heard that the school had a problem with bullying and what was Hawthorne doing about this? I admitted that there was a problem and as of yet, there is no plan. The lady left and I was wondering what this was all about. Was Hawthorne's job in danger? If she lost her job, then there was a possibility that I could be in charge of the orphanage.

Susan:
Shirley told me a week ago that he thought that he was a girl in a boy's body. When he told me this, I was shocked. How can a boy be a girl? Then the more I thought of it, the more I thought that some boys are girly. Logan is and I have seen it on TV. When Shirley told me this, it made me sad, as I also heard that sissy boys are gay. The thought of Shirley being gay would break my heart. I hoped that one day he would notice me… you know…. Romantically… and he would fancy me… and then we would be my boyfriend. I had to try and keep this out of my mind. I heard once that boys mature much slower than girls. This means that Shirley has no clue what it is like to fancy someone. I have to be a good friend and support him as much as possible. Shirley is way smaller in size than me and this gave me an idea. I found some of my old dresses and gave them to Shirley. I had never seen Shirley smile so much. He had tears of happiness in his eyes. He told me that I was his best friend ever. Then he wanted to play dress-up

Shirley:
Life is good. Jason has not teased me for a few days. Aunty and Susan gave me some dresses. I feel so much like a princess now. I am the diaper girl in my dreams! The only problem I had was the daytime wetting accidents. I was afraid to tell Aunty. Would she make me wear diapers all the time? I do not know if I would like that or not. I mean an 11-year-old should not accept wearing diapers all the time. It would make me a baby. Still, I have no problem sleeping in a crib and the diaper girl in my dreams is the same age as me. I would just have to wait and see what happens. I may have been meant to be a girl and maybe even still a baby, but I do not want the world to know yet. I decided to keep hiding the secret that I wet during the day and hope that Aunty did not see the laundry.

Aunty:
When you work in an orphanage, not much gets by you. It's like I even have eyes in the back of my head at times. I know that Shirley has been having daytime accidents. It makes sense. He may have started wetting the bed on purpose, but now it is a habit and his bladder is getting weaker. It will most likely get worse. I could try to get him some help and find out why he started wetting on purpose. Why does he like sleeping in a nursery? Why is he interested in girl things? Then why should I? My nephew went through the same and he was 2 years older than Shirley when he acted like a baby and a girl. The thing is that Shirley has changed since he started being a sissy baby. He is much nicer now and is even adorable. I found some baby toys and things such as baby bottles, pacifiers and rattlers. I put them in his nursery room with the excuse that I did not know where to put them. Shirley said it was fine. He didn't mind. I also told him I would find him a new bedroom that is better for an 11-year-old boy. Shirley did not reply. When I left the room, I could see that he started playing with some baby blocks that I just gave him.

Shirley:
Aunty wants me to have a boy's bedroom. Why should I? I am happy in the room I have. I know it's a girl's room and a baby's room. I know I sleep in a crib and is surrounded by baby things. I know no other boy my age would ever accept this. I am not like other boys. I am not even like Logan. He is a girl… I am much more. I wanted to keep my room. The diaper girl in my dreams has the same room. She is a boy as well. She is just as happy as I am. I bet she is left alone and decides how she wants to be. I also know what you are thinking. You are thinking that she is just a girl in my dreams. She is not real. That is not true. To me she is real. I think she is me and my brain telling me who I am. The idea of getting a new room made me panic. It also made me cry. I begged Aunty to let me stay. She just smiled and told me that she was only trying to help. She promised me that I could keep my room if it made me feel safe and I didn’t mind the baby things. I hugged Aunty. She is the best.

Miss Hawthorne:
The chairwoman of the board of directors has been snooping around and talking with staff and pupils. I am sure that it is Aunty who is trying to remove me from my post. I asked Susan to come into my office. She was a bit surprised as I never spoke with her before. I asked her what she and the chairwoman talked about. Susan said she was asked what it was like here and the bullying. Why was the chairwoman so worried about bullying? There is no bullying here. We are like one big happy family. Then I asked what was happening with Shirley and Aunty. Susan said Aunty was never interested in Shirley until he started acting more like a baby and a sissy. Now Aunty is very interested in Shirley. She gives him toys and clothes and Shirley always follows Aunty like a little pet. The toys and clothes Aunty gives him are for baby girls. Susan told me that she was worried about Shirley, He changed so much since he came here and she thought that he needed some help. I did not want to talk about Shirley. I wanted to know what Aunty was doing to him.

Logan:
Susan and Shirley have been writing to me. Shirley even wrote that he felt as if he was transgender but did not know what the world to know. He wrote about 100 times that he was sorry for how he treated me. I wrote him a letter and told him that maybe he is transgender. Maybe he was so mean and a bully because he was trying to hide this side of himself. Shirley needs to accept who he is and not care what others think. Some will tease him, but his friends will always support him. It means that he must be brave. The important thing is that he is happy and he is not like he used to be. If he is transgender, I could understand why he treated me so badly. It takes time to accept. Of course, I forgive him!

Austin:
Logan and his mother visited the orphanage today. It seems as if they want to adopt someone. I thought that they would speak a lot with Shirley, but this did not happen. They spoke a lot with me. His mom was asking me a lot of weird questions. She asked me if I thought it was bad that Logan was transgender. What did I do if I disagreed with someone? Do I think it's important to respect others? I answered as truthfully as I could. I do not understand why boys want to be girls. If they do, then that's up to them. People should not judge each other. It seemed as if they liked my answers as they asked me if we could meet again. It's very hard for a teen to get adopted, but I wondered if they were interested in adopting me. Do I want to be adopted?

Jason:
Today I saw that a woman and her child were speaking a lot with Austin. I bet that they were interested in adopting Austin. I still owed Austin some revenge and I knew how I could do this. I spoke with the lady and told her that she should not adopt Austin. He is gay and I was sure that she did not want a gay son. The woman gave me a strange confused look when I said this. Revenge is so sweet!

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Do you think Shirley is transgender? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

August 2023 - Part 4

Shirley must decide if he is brave enough to be like the girl in his dreams

---

Doctor Mary:
Quite a lot happened in the last part. Shirley seems to be determined that he is transgender. He identifies with the diaper girl in his dreams. For Shirley, that girl is real and just not a figment of his imagination. The adults at the orphanage do not want to get him help to find out why Shirley is acting this way. Hawthorne is using Shirley as a pawn to keep her job and Aunty likes the idea that he reminds her of her nephew she feminized years ago. The two people that seem to want the best for Shirley are Austin and Susan. Austin does not know that the bullying he experiences is because Shirley told Jason that Austin is gay. Maybe this does not matter, as it seems Logan and his mother are interested in adopting Austin

Shirley:
The daytime wetting has become worse. At times, it is embarrassing because I am with others. Only Jason gives me a hard time about it. The others ask if I am sick. Aunty also wanted to speak to me about the daytime wetting. She asked me if I thought it was wise that I wore diapers all the time. It would be less embarrassing and was only temporary until my bladder became stronger. I agree that it would be a good idea. I didn’t like others to see me with wet clothes standing in a puddle. I thought it would be pullups but Aunty explained that the taped diapers would be better. I should not worry that the diapers were like baby diapers or girl diapers. Wearing diapers does not mean that I am a baby. When she told me this, I had to smile. I now will be wearing diapers, and my bedroom was a baby nursery. I am a baby!

Aunty:
I did not like Shirley when he came here. He was an obnoxious and bitter boy. Now he is an adorable 11-year-old baby and is on his way to becoming a girl. I do not think I have manipulated him or brainwashed him. Well, not a lot. The only thing I did not do was to get Shirley any help by finding out why he has changed so much. The way I look at it, he is happy and acting much nicer than he did when he first came here. Shirley may be on his way to becoming a baby sissy, but it has improved his personality, Maybe all this is just sort of a game for Shirley. He is experimenting with being the person that he once despised. Maybe it is just a way for him to get attention. One thing for sure is that there is now a special bond between Shirley and me. I have always liked feminine boys, but I never have met one like Shirley who has touched my heart.

Shirley:
I have been wearing diapers full-time for a few days now. The funny thing is that I no longer dreamt about the diaper girl. I suppose I no longer needed her. I was now her. Well nearly. I was not a girl full-time yet. This is something that I wanted, I was just afraid of what people would say. Logan was accepted when he became transgender. He has many friends. The only one that calls me names is Jason. I am used to him by now. The only thing that worries me is who would adopt me now. I am just a baby that wears diapers all the time. I sleep in a baby nursery. I play with baby toys. On top of all this, I consider myself a closet transgender. If I had more courage, I would be a girl all the time. When someone came here to adopt a child, they would see how mean I was before I came here. Then they would see what I have become now. No one would ever want to adopt me. I am too strange to be anyones child and they would find it hard to love me.

Susan:
Shirley has now regressed so much that he is a baby. He wears diapers all the time and does not do normal things that an 11-year-old boy would do. When I visit him, he would rather play with his baby toys or play dress up and pretend he is a girl. Shirley thinks he should be a girl, but does not want others to see him in girl clothes. This is strange, as he mainly wears toddler unisex clothes now and everyone knows he has to wear diapers. There is not much I understand about Shirley. I do not know why he wants to be a diaper girl in his dreams. Maybe this is just a phase he is going through. He could be acting this way because his parents had just died a few months ago. Maybe he wants to remember when he was a baby with them and felt loved and wanted. One thing for sure is that Aunty now gives him a lot of attention. I also admire Shirley, as he must have a lot of courage to be a baby and not care what others think. When it comes down to it, who cares what Shirley wears or what he acts as? He has a good heart and he is fun to be with.

Aunty:
I had a serious talk with Shirley today. I told him that he had changed since he came here. Change is not bad. When Shirley came to the orphanage, he seemed to always be mad and bitter. This was the same before he came here. He lashed out at everyone different. Shirley was a bad boy and no one liked him. Now he has changed and it seems like more people like the softer and more vulnerable side of him. Shirley did not say much while I said all this. I bet that he had been thinking a lot about why he changed. I told Shirley that it was not a problem if he acted like a baby. Even some adults like to be babies. It is not a problem if he wanted to be a girl. There are many transgender children. The thing is we should examine why he has these feelings. He needed to speak with a professional about what was going on in his head. We need to make sure that being a baby girl is something that he wants. Shirley did not respond to this and it seemed as if he was too embarrassed to talk about it. I was proud of myself. I could have manipulated him to continue this journey as a sissy baby. Now I was saying we should see what is mentally happening to him. Maybe my sudden change in my approach to Shirley is because of the recent board of director's interest in what is happening at the orphanage. My approach to getting Shirley some help will strengthen my position here.

Austin:
I was told that Logan and his mother wants to adopt me. In a way, I feel so blessed and honoured that someone wants to adopt me. I am now 13 years old and not many 13-year-olds get adopted. People want cute little children, not someone they will get teenage problems with the package. I do like Logan and his mother and thought I would be very happy in their family. However, I did not know if I wanted to be adopted. Several things worry me about it. Can I be a son again? Can I be part of a family? I have been at the orphanage for so long that this was all I know. At times. I did not even remember my real parents and what it was like being their son. I am also worried that if I was adopted and liked it a lot, what would happen if my new parents died? I would have to go through the grief and be an orphan again. I am afraid of being adopted. I will also be honest, I consider Shirley and Susan as family. I like that I protect them. What would happen to them if I was not here? Luckily Aunty told me that I had time to decide if I wanted to adopted or not. Decisions like this cannot be made quickly, as it is a major decision.

Shirley:
My old foster family wants to adopt Austin. I am delighted that he will now have a family. I know that they do not want me back. I have ruined my chance with them. Plus I am too weird for anyone to adopt me. I live pretty much like a baby and when no one is looking, I dress up as a girl. Aunty even wants me to see a shrink to find out if I am crazy or not. I often think that it would be easier if I just acted like a normal boy. The idea of me being crazy is scary. The thought of being a mental lunatic makes me cry a lot. Maybe I should see this shrink. The shrink can either make me normal again or at worse lock me in a padded cell. The thing is that I do not know if I want to change back to the way I was. It's not as if I hurt anyone and the other children here do not know I dress as a girl when I play dress up. I am just so confused at times. Why do I want to be a baby girl? This is not normal!

Susan:
Shirley has been sad the last few days. Austin may be getting a new family. Shirley says that he is happy that Austin will be adopted, but I think maybe he also is jealous or will miss Austin if this happens. Shirley was also told by Aunty that he would be speaking with a psychologist. It's about time that this happens. The problem is that Shirley sees this as proof that he is strange. While I do agree that wanting to be a sissy baby is as strange as it gets, I also told Shirley that it should not matter. If it makes him happy, then that is what is important. Shirley does not hurt anyone. Since he started being a sissy baby, he is easier to be around with. He is no longer arrogant or mean. If Shirley wanted to be a girl all the time, then I would not mind. What difference does it make if he is a girl or a boy? Genders do not mean anything. I am a girl but I do not like the pretty dresses and all the pretty things. I rather just wear jeans. The important thing is that Shirley is happy and proud of who he is.

Aunty:
Susan told me that Shirley had been feeling sad. He is afraid that the psychologist will say that he is mentally ill. I can understand how Shirley feels, so I talked with him again. I told him that he had become a baby. He wears unisex clothes and when no one is looking wears dresses. This does not make him crazy. Logan dresses like a girl all the time and so does my nephew. All this can be a phase that Shirley is going through. He can decide next week that he wants to be more of a boy and act like an 11-year-old. The pysclogist will help him to understand himself and what he wants. Often we get confused when we do things that are not seen as normal. It is hard for us to understand why we do some things or act in the way we do. The thing is that there is no such thing as being normal. We are all different. The psychologist will help Shirley understand who he is. As for me, Shirley can decide whether he is transgender or he is a boy, I would not mind. I just want him to be proud of who he is and happy.

Susan:
Shirley and I played dress-up today. I prefer to do this than to play with his baby toys. Shirley does look like a girl when he wears a dress. It did make me think of what would happen when he started puberty. It is hard to look like a girl when you have a beard. I told shirley that he is pretty when he is a girl. I do not know why I said it, but I told him that he was like a little sister to me. Shirley smiled for the first time in days and said he was so happy that he and I were like family. I smiled back but inside I had conflicting feelings. I am sure that I am in love with Shirley and want him to be my boyfriend. He just does not romantically see me. From the way he smiled, I could see he loved the idea that he was my little sister, even though we are the same age. Maybe one day, he will find out that he fancies me. One can always hope.

Shirley:
Jason was getting bad again. He wasted no time in calling me a baby or other demeaning names. Others called me baby or diaper boy, but they did not want to hurt me. Jason teases because he is mean. Usually, Austin is there to stand up for me. However he will maybe leave soon, and that means I have to learn how to stand up for myself. The question is if I can remember how to stand up for myself. Since I have changed and become more feminine and like a baby, I have not shown my aggressive side. I have been more of a wimp. In a way, this is good as the other children here speak more with me and even understand that I need diapers. I suppose people like it when I am nice and nearly submissive. Still, I had enough of Jason, so today I stood up to him.

Jason:
I got a mouthful from Shirley today. I asked him if his diaper was wet and does he needed his baby bottle or pacifier. Shirley responded by saying that he left his baby bottle in his room and he showed me the pink pacifier he had in his pocket. This did not surprise me so I started telling him how strange he was. Shirley then exploded and told me that he may be strange, but at least he was not a mean bully. He called me a bully and told me that I must be so sad and have things to hide. Shirley explained that he knew how I felt. He was once a bully and was a better bully than me. He bullied others because he was unhappy and did not like who he was. I just walked away and tried to find someplace where I could be alone. Shirley had a point. Am I unhappy? Do I not like who I am? A family wants to adopt Austin, and this is even after I told them that he is gay. I doubt anyone wants to adopt Shirley because he is a baby and wears clothes no boy would ever wear. At the same time, who would ever want to adopt me?

Aunty;
I noticed that Shirley stood up to Jason today. I wonder if Shirley is right, is Jason hiding a part of himself like Shirley once did? Could Jason also be a transgender deep inside his soul? At any rate, I am happy that Shirley stood up for himself. He may have been showing a softer side of himself, but this does not mean that Shirley should let people walk over him. Bullying has been a problem here at the orphanage, and the children seem to be saying that they have had enough. I am so proud that they are saying no to bullying! I am also so proud of Shirley.

Miss Hawthorne:
Today I was told that I am being fired. The board of directors do not think that I am capable of the job. They mentioned that several children said that they never spoke with me or ever seen me. They also mentioned that nothing was done about the bullying at the school. Shirley was also mentioned about why he does not get any help to find out why he has regressed. I suppose it's good that I no longer have this job. They expect me to work miracles. I have no clue what I will do now. I feel it's too early to retire. One thing for sure is that I wrote a letter to the board of directors and told them to read “The teenage years of Allie Horten”. When they read his memoir, they will understand why Aunty should not be in charge. I do like having the last say.

Austin:
I was about to say no to being adopted. I felt like Shirley and Susan were my family. Now I am in doubt. Today Jason was nice to me. He admitted that he knew he was giving me a hard time because he thought I was gay. Then he said that it was Shirley who told him that I was gay. I felt like the world collapsed under me. Shirley is the one that caused so much trouble. Yet he was all nice and supportive around me and pretended he did not know why people started teasing me. Shirley does not know if I am gay or not. He just assumes I am. I feel that he betrayed me. Can I ever trust Shirley again?

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. What do you think the psychologist will say about Shirley? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

September 2023 - Part 1

Shirley gets some help or maybe its not the help he needs

---

Doctor Mary:
Welcome back to another part of Orphan Petal. Shirley continues to convince himself that he is transgender and a baby. He wears diapers all the time and lives like a toddler. Yet, he is not ready to show the world that he is transgender The others at the orphanage already know that he is an 11-year-old baby, but they do not know that he thinks he should have been born a girl. The good thing is that Aunty has finally promised to get Shirley some help, so he gets help with his identity confusion. Something tells me that Shirley's identity is not the worst of his problems. Austin now knows that it was Shirley who told Jason that he is gay. Will this create problems for Austin or the friendship that he was building up with Shirley?

Austin:
I protected Shirley! I considered him like a brother! I tried to understand that he wanted to be more like a girl. I was in doubt if I wanted to be adopted because I felt like Shirley and Susan were already my family. Then I found out that it was Shirley who told Jason that I was gay. This meant that I was bullied. Shirley does not know if I am gay or not. We never talked about it, so why does he assume that I am gay and tell my enemies? I am so mad at Shirley. I do not think that I could ever forgive him. How would he like it if I told everyone that when no one was looking, he played dress-up games where he dressed like a girl? I will not tell others as I am not mean. However, I have agreed to be adopted as I want to be as far away from Shirley as possible.

Jason:
I was always a bit jealous of Shirley and Austin's friendship. I do not have many friends and maybe that is a reason why I can be so mean to people at times. In the last few days, I have seen Austin get mad at Shirley and shout that they were no longer friends. This is because I told Austin that it was Shirley who told me that he was gay. I do not know why I told Austin this. Maybe a part of me wanted them to no longer be friends. Maybe a part of me wanted to show Austin that I was not the bad guy. A part of me wished that I never have said it.

Shirley:
Austin left the orphanage and now is Logan's brother. He does not want anything to do with me anymore. He found out that it was me that started the rumour that he was gay. In my defence, this was when I was not a good person. I should never have said it. However, I did. I should have told him long ago that all the bullying he experienced was my fault. That is easy to say now but the fact is that I was too afraid to tell him. Now I have to suffer the consequences. It means that Austin may never like me again.

Aunty:
Hawthorne is gone and I did not get her job. I was told that after a lot of consideration, they had decided to give the job to a man who was more qualified than me. I had enough to do anyhow. I promised that Shirley would see a psychiatrist. Hawthorne wanted me to send him to Doctor Mary, but I did not want to do that. I wanted the doctor who examined my nephew when he was in doubt if he was transgender or not. She no longer can practice as she used some methods on my nephew that everyone thought were unconventional. So I looked around and found a psychiatrist who had experience with feminine boys. She agreed that she would see Shirley. I did ask her not to brainwash him or screw with his mind. I just wanted her to help him understand himself.

Mr. Dickens:
I am now in charge of this orphanage. When I toured the place, I was shocked. The building was so old and had been neglected from any sort of repairs. The children looked as if they were cared for and they even seemed happy. There seemed to be very few activities or toys. This place was also understaffed. It seems as if a woman they call Aunty is the most active staff member and seems to be involved in everything and knows everything. From her file, it seems that she had a shady past so it's a mystery as to how she got a job here. I also noticed a boy who I was told was 11 years old in a girl's baby nursery. This made me raise my eyebrows. I had a lot of work to do.

Doctor Philomena:
I am a psychiatrist who was asked to speak with Shirley who thinks that he is transgender. This is becoming more and more common, where children think that they should have been born in another body than the one that they were given, In other words, they think that they were born with a body that does not reflect the gender that they think they are. I will help Shirley understand who he is, and that it's not wrong to be transgender. I am sure that he is transgender, otherwise why come and see me? Boys who feel like they are girls need to be supported and helped them live the life of a girl that will make them happy. I am sure that this will be the case with Shirley!

Aunty:
So Mr Dickens is now the boss here. He is a middle-aged man that looks like he visited the gym. He was bald but not in an ugly way. He looked like a gentleman. At first glance, he looked like an intelligent man who had a good sense of style and spoke with a firm distinguished and eloquent voice. He asked me to tell him about the bullying at the school and wanted to know why an 11-year-old was sleeping in a nursery room. I gave him a quick update on what was happening especially with Shirley. I also mentioned that Shirley is getting some psychiatric help so we understand him better and he can understand himself better. Mr Dickens said that maybe the crib and nursery should have come after Shirley got help. I was told that the orphanage was under new leadership and this would mean change. He expected his staff to have compassion for the children as well as be strict. He wanted us to be professional.

Jason;
I was called into the main office today. I was never called into the office when Hawthorne was here. The new boss told me that he heard that I have been bullying some other children. Then he warned me that my reign of terror was over. If I teased or bullied anyone, there would be consequences. I wanted to tell him that I did not bully anyone for a week or so. However when Mr. Dickens said that we are like one big family and I should think if anyone here like me or are they afraid of me, I couldn’t say a word. It seemed as if he was trying to be mean to me. Did he think that I had no friends here? I wondered if he also spoke with Susan and Shirley about how weird they are. Maybe Mr. Dickens wanted us all to be weirdos. I did not answer him. I just let him believe that he won.

Doctor Philomena:
I like to be prepared for when children start here with me. So I read some files that the orphanage sent me. A boy who had parents who taught him intolerance and how to judge people. A boy who wants to impress Aunty and starts regressing and becoming more girly after he reads the story of Aunty's nephew, who she feminized. And then there is a diaper girl that he started dreaming about. All this showed me that this would be an interesting case. Is Shirley transgender, or trying to impress someone, or was this all a reaction to his life being turned upside down since his parents died? He should have gotten some help much sooner, but I have a feeling that Shirley will be a fun experience.

Aunty;
The school has started again and this is probably good for the children. Life as a child sometimes is funny. They wait all year for summer holidays and then after a few weeks of holidays, they get bored. School will keep their minds busy and after a few weeks, they will count down days to the next holidays. It's a local school that they go to. This can be hard at times, as they will be with children that have parents. There is a school uniform, so that helps them know they are the same as the children who have parents. I have spoken with the school and told them that Shirley is having bladder problems. An agreement was made with the school that Shirley could wear pull-ups so he could deal with changing himself. I just hope that he will be accepted and his classmates do not give him a hard time. I know that if Shirley is teased, he will cry. He cries so easily now over the smallest things. If he cries at school, it will make things much worse.

Jason:
Austin is no longer here and Shirley has seemed to be sad. I can understand why they are sad, they became nearly enemies when I told Austin that it was Shirley who told me that he was gay. Shirley lost a good friend and he only has Susan left. On top of that, I heard rumours that Shirley was going to see a shrink. It's about time he gets his head checked. He is getting stranger and stranger every day. Lately, I have noticed that he is starting to wear a lot of pink clothes. Today he even had a princess t-shirt on. I have not teased him in a long time and this was especially after I spoke with Mr, Dickens. He was right when he told me that I had no friends. No one likes me. Maybe it's me that needs to go and see a shrink. There must be a reason why I bullied others. Did I just want them to be afraid of me?

Susan:
Shirley told me about what he told others about Austin and now that Austin hates him. Shirley scared me a bit when he said that in a way, things were much easier when he did not have friends. Now it hurts him so much that Austin is so mad at him. I told Shirley that he made a mistake… we all make mistakes. He told Jason when he first came to the orphanage. Let's face it, Shirley was a jerk when he came here. Now he has changed. He should be proud of this. Austin would calm down and forgive Shirley. Some people say that time heals. To cheer Shirley up, we played dress-up games, where he tried on some dresses that I had that he never tried before.

Logan:
Austin is a great brother. I am so happy that we adopted him. He accepts that I was born as a boy and now live as a girl. He treats me like his sister and never calls me names or teases me. Life is good now!

Mr. Dickens:
I am a conservative man who believes in traditional social values. I have been observing Shirley for a few days and that boy confuses me. He is 11 years old and has no problem sleeping in a crib and having a girl's baby room, His clothes are very girlish and I know that he dresses like a girl when he thinks no one watches him. So what was I to do? I know that children should be able to decide themselves about their identity. The liberals who think this does not look at the big picture. The media, music, films and TV have been brainwashing people for decades that it is ok to be transgender, gay or other things that were frowned upon before. Children who are not even old enough to start at school can decide they should have been born the opposite gender. So boys start living as girls and girls start living as boys. It's becoming a huge industry, where hormones or puberty blockers are given. I even heard that some hospitals can give children sex changes. I think that children need an adult to tell them when they are going astray and when something is wrong. They need an adult who will put their foot down. Is this what Shirley needs?

Orphan Petal

September 2023 - Part 2

Shirley gets some help or maybe its not the help he needs

---

Doctor Mary:
There is some drama between Austin and Shirley. I can understand that Austin is mad. I can also understand why Shirley never told Austin that he was spreading rumours. Until Shirley came to the orphanage, he did not have friends or interact with others in a positive way. One thing that worries me is that Shirley thinks that some things were easy before. Shirley will be getting some help but the psychiatrist worries me as well. When she said Shirley “will be a fun experience,”, does that mean that she has already decided that he is transgender? She did not even speak with him. Then we have Mr. Dickens. He admits that he does not understand transgender children. If Shirley is transgender, how will this affect him?

Shirley:
I tried ringing Austin today. He is now adopted by my old foster family. My old foster mom answered the phone. When I told her that I wanted to speak with Austin, she answered that he did want to speak to me. I explained what happened and that I felt so bad that I gossipped about him and he was hurt by others as a result. I just want to say I am sorry. I do not even know if Austin is gay and do not care if he is. I should never have said anything. My old foster mother told me that he did not want to speak with me. However, she thinks it's good that I am taking responsibility for my actions. She suggested that I have patience with Austin. If we were meant to be friends, then this whole incident would be forgotten sooner or later.

Susan:
I like Mr. Dickens. We had never seen Hawthorne working here. She was always in her office. Mr. Dickens comes out of the office and spends time with us. He seems very interested in us. He asked me if I got bullied. I told him no. People tend just to ignore me because they think I am strange. Maybe they think I am a nerd and do not want to talk about things they like. I do not want to talk about boys or music or celebrities. I liked reading and being creative. It was fun to learn new things. Being in nature is also fun. It's a chance where there is no time and you can think about things without distractions. Mr. Dickens made me smile by telling me that he finds it hard to understand why people ignore me. He thinks I sound like a special girl with many talents.

Doctor Philomena:
Today was my first session with Shirley. We talked a lot about his parents. Shirley missed them. He considered them the best parents a child could have. This being said, Shirley now realized that his parents were set in their ways. They did not like many people. This included people who had a certain religion or colour or lived a non-traditional lifestyle. This influenced him a lot. He never considered other children good enough for him. He did not like when children were different. Shirley told me how mean he was with Logan, who is transgender. All this made me think that his parents have a lot to answer for. I ended the session by asking if he thinks he is transgender and has been acting like a baby as a result of his upbringing or an escape. Maybe it was a way to deal with his grief. Shirley did not think this. He commented that no one stopped him from changing. Maybe the transgender side of him and being a baby was always part of him. I finished by telling him it could be because he did not like himself and he wanted to be another person.

Susan:
I spoke with Austin on the phone today. He is very happy with his new family. Logan is the greatest sibling anyone could wish for. His new mother was also very nice. His new school was great. I admitted that things were quiet here and I missed him. Austin said that I could always visit him. When I asked him if Shirley could come as well, Austin said in an irritated voice that he did not want to see Shirley. I could hear from the tone of this voice that it was best not to talk about Shirley. We talked about how things were at the orphanage I guessed that things would get better now that Mr. Dickens was here. As we were gossiping, I wanted to try and persuade Austin to forgive Shirley. I didn’t do this, as I did not want Austin to be mad at me.

Aunty
I don’t know why I worry so much about Shirley, but since he started changing, I have been giving him a lot of attention and at times he worries me. In the last few weeks, he seems as if he is very sad. He is not the happy and smiling child that we knew. Maybe this is because of his talks with the psychiatrist. Shirley also told me about his problems with Austin. I should not worry about one child here as he can be seen as my favourite. Mr. Dickens is also keeping a close eye on me and I don’t want him to think that I am unprofessional. Shirley does not want to be around the other children, so he hangs around me all the time. I knew this may have looked like he was like my little pet, but it was something Shirley wanted. I found it increasingly harder to tell him to find Susan or someone else his age to play with.

Jason:
I have been thinking a lot in the last few days. It was after Mr. Dickens spoke with me. I was thinking about how Shirley changed. He was once so sure of himself and did not mind putting others in their place when they were weird and strange. Now he is like a timid teddy bear and a baby. Why did he change? The reason why I asked this is that Shirley was like me. Maybe he had the same thoughts as me. Let me explain. After Mr, Dickens spoke with me, I could understand why people think I am a bully. It made me think that I am unhappy and different than others. I have so many things locked inside me that I never wanted the world to know about. Maybe it was the same with Shirley and somehow his brain got sick and this is why he is what he is now. I did not want that to happen to me. I did not want to become mentally ill.

Doctor Philomena:
Had another session with Shirley today. We talked about the diaper girl in his dreams. Shirley explained that he started dreaming about her at the time he came to the orphanage. He liked the girl from the very start. This was strange for him to understand why he liked her as she was everything he once would have bullied her for. She was his age, very girly and wore diapers. However, in time, Shirley realized that the girl in his dreams was “a sissy”. She was a boy who liked being a girl. This was also strange, as Shirley knew that he was mean to Logan because he thought he was a girl. He did not understand why he liked the girl so much. In time he realized why. The girl in the dreams was him. Others thought he was insane for thinking this, but to him, the girl was real and not just someone in his dreams. It was my turn to speak. I told him that he was very brave and very smart for analysing what this girl meant. Some believe that dreams try to tell us things. This diaper girl in his dreams is interesting. I think after years of being mad at the world and hurting many with his bullying, Shirley's brain could have told him that this is not who he is. His brain could be saying that he is the girl in the dreams. I left my comments there. I know that Shirley already thought his brain was telling him something. By me telling him the same, he would not think he was weird or not normal. The session was over and I hoped that it would give him something to think about.

Austin:
I spoke with my new mother. She told me that she spoke with Shirley and he is very sad about what he did. Mom (I call her that now) did not defend him but explained that Shirley did not know social norms or how to be around others. I do not know if she wanted me to forgive him. To be honest, I just want to forget that Shirley exists. I decided to be open with my mother about how I felt. It hurt a lot when I was being bullied. The reason was that I knew that I was gay. It's hard enough for me to accept this fact, but to defend myself when people called me derogatory gay names made me feel worse. In a way, I did not want to be gay. It is hard for me to understand why I am this way. One question that I ask myself is “Why me,” My mother thanked me for being so honest and told me that I was still young and finding my identity. She tried telling me that I have a good heart and that this is what matters. I love my new family. I was afraid she would send me back to the orphanage, but she accepted me the way I was.

Susan;
Shirley seemed to be in a good mood today. He explained that his talks with the shrink are helping him to understand things and understand himself. We didn’t talk about Austin. Instead, Shirley asked me if I could braid his hair in pigtails. This was nothing new. I fixed Shirley's hair like this before. Then we played dress-up when we tried on different dresses. Its a bit funny that Shirley likes girly clothes more than I do, I didn’t mind. I was just happy that Shirley was once again smiling and having fun. What surprised me was that Shirley kept his hair in pigtails. I wondered if this was something he had forgotten or something he wanted to do. Shirley would always ask me to get rid of the pigtails, but now everyone would see him. You have to admit that Shirley is very brave!

Doctor Philomena:
Today I did all the talking with Shirley. I started by saying that most people want to feel normal and not stick out too much or to be different. The problem is that we are all different. A person has two choices. They could either hide who they are or be proud and show the world who they are. This is the choice that Shirley now had. He has regressed to acting like a toddler. I think this is because he feels safer and gets more love and attention this way. The adults and children at the orphanage accept this side of Shirley, even though they may not understand it. The question is should Shirley show the world that he is transgender? Should he start living as a girl and let everyone see him as a girl? Logan is transgender, and his friends and family accept him. I think this would be the same if Shirley tried being a girl. At the end of the session, I told him that I do think he is a girl who was born in the wrong body. I also believe that he will be happy in showing himself and the world who he is …. a girl.

Jason:
I never spoke with Susan before. She is a nerd and I had no time for nerds. However today I did speak with her. I asked her if she thought I was a bully and a tormentor. Susan answered that my comments and actions hurt a lot of people. She felt sad about it all as she said that it means that I am not happy and this is why I do not like seeing others happy. I looked down at the ground and in a quiet voice asked what she would do if she was me. Susan smiled and said Shirley was the same. He was mean and then took time to find out why. Shirley is discovering who he is and has changed a lot. The new Shirley is happier and now spreads happiness. I grunted at this advice. I did not want to be a baby diaper boy.

Mr. Dickens:
I want every child here to be happy and productive members of society when they leave. It's important that we are more than an institution, we are also a family. I have been here for a week and was worried about 3 children. Susan was one of them but I don’t have to worry about her, she is very mature for her age and very intelligent. Jason no longer bullied anyone, my guess is that he will reform and be a better person. This leaves me with Shirley. He is going from bad to worse. He sleeps in a baby nursery and this is enough to make me worry. Now he has been going around with pigtails for the last few days. He looks like a girl. This is not natural and not why God put Shirley on this Earth. The question is now what should be done. My hope is that the psychiatrist will sort him out.

Shirley:
The shrink does not have to see me as much now. She thinks I am a girl just with the wrong body. This is what I always thought. However, she gave me more to think about. She suggested that I live and dress like a girl, even when others can see. This means the games I play with Susan will be done. It would no longer be a game. I would be the same as Logan. I would be a girl! This was a big step to take. In a way, I have tested the waters by having a girl's hairstyle. Was I brave enough to take the big step?

Susan:
Shirley has been wearing pigtails for a few days. I asked him does he get teased and is it because he feels like he is a sissy? Shirley looked at me in a frightened way and asked if the word “sissy” is not a bad name. Then he said that people gave him strange looks when they saw his pigtails. He did not answer if he considered himself a girl but just asked me if he looked like a girl. I had to admit that he looked like a girl. Just not an 11-year-old girl. The diapers, his small size, his angelic face and the pigtails made him look like a small girl. I hope I did not hurt his feelings by saying this.

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. If you were Shirley's psychologist, what would you think and advise him? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

September 2023 - Part 3

Shirley decides that he is now a girl. This means also that everyone knows he is a girl!

---

Doctor Mary
I am the only one that seen what happened in the last part, and it raises so many questions. What was this psychiatrist thinking when she was supposed to help Shirley? It seems as if she concluded from the start that he is transgender and just manipulated him to believe this as well. No wonder why Aunty wanted this psychiatrist. Why did she not ask if all this was to impress Aunty or was it to get attention? Is he doing this because of a girl who has haunted his dreams, and he wants to be as happy as she is? Is this somehow Susan's influence? Maybe it has something to do with his sexuality. He is too young to know what this is. Still, there were so many things the psychiatrist could have asked. It will be interesting to see how manipulated Shirley is and what he does.

Shirley:
Aunty is a nice woman; she reminds me of my mother in many ways. I heard that Aunty does not have children and this is sad, as she would be a great mother. She gives me a lot of attention and sometimes even hugs me or gives me a new toy. I know that she ignored me when I first came here, but now that she knows me, she never ignores me anymore. Susan told me that Aunty only likes me because I am acting more like a baby girl. Of course, I knew that Aunty started giving me more attention since I started changing. Susan wanted to know if this was why I started acting this way. I did not answer why I changed. However, I admitted that I liked the attention that I got from Aunty.

Jason:
I have not bullied anyone for a few weeks now. Mr. Dickens has been talking with me and telling me why people bully each other. There are many reasons why people bully and he told me them so I could think why I bullied others. The thing that made me think was when he said some bully because they have low self-esteem and have no empathy for others. He said it's also because bullies sometimes have some secret they do not want others to know. This is probably true. I don’t understand others and of course, I have secrets. Susan said I would be happy when I try to be nicer with others. I don’t know if this is true but I didn’t want people to think of me as a bully. I wrote a letter to Austin and wrote that I was sorry. I also apologized to Shirley and Susan. I still think they are weird, but I won't give them a bad time about it. One thing I am sure about. If I am changing, I don’t want to change like Shirley did.

Shirley:
Today I made a big decision. I told Aunty that I now considered myself transgender and wanted to be a girl. This meant wearing girl clothes and being considered a girl. Aunty asked if this also meant being a girl at school. When I told her yes, she got me a girl's school uniform. So I have been going to school in a girl's school uniform. The teacher explained to the class that I was transgender and what that meant. Surprisingly no one called me names or teased me. This did not happen when logan started dressing like a girl at school. Only I gave him a hard time about it. They asked funny questions like what it's like to be a girl suddenly and if I still have a boy's body. Jason even apologized to me. Susan said that people were not shocked. I have been wearing a lot of pastel colour clothes and my hair has been in pigtails for a week or so.

Austin:
I am so happy being part of a family. I do miss everyone at the orphanage, except Shirley. I hear he is a girl now. This does not bother me. I do not understand why Logan or Shirley think they are girls. They have a boy's body. Still, I suppose if that makes them happy, then that's the important thing. I think it would be weird wearing a dress. I wonder if Shirley is just being a girl because Logan did. Is it just to get attention? Strangely, Logan told me how mean Shirley was because he was transgender. I suppose if you can't beat them, then join them. Still, I do not need people like Shirley around me. I have been adopted into the best family ever.

Susan:
Shirley is no longer a boy. He is now a girl. Should I start calling him “she”? It will take me time to do that. Now he wears dresses or skirts most of the time. I hate dresses so I told Shirley he could have all my old dresses. He is the same size as an 8 year old so he would fit them. In a way, I liked it when he dressed up in secret. Now we no longer play dress-up games as he always is dressed up. He still is mostly in my room or I am in his nursery. One thing about Shirley being a girl is he looked so much like a girl. This is very confusing to me as I am secretly still in love with him. Is it wrong that I am in love with someone who thinks he is a girl? I suppose we don’t decide who we fall in love with and Shirley doesn’t know how I feel about him

Shirley:
There is one thing that worries me. When I look in the mirror, I can see a girl staring back at me. This assures me that my decision to be transgender is the right decision. It does annoy me that so many ask if I have a boy's body. If they used their brain, they wouldn't need to ask this. Jason also asked me what happens when I enter puberty. I heard a bit about puberty. Your voice becomes deep and you get hair in the strangest places. You can also get a growth spurt which would suit me fine. However, when I looked at Mr. Dickens, I thought he could never be transgender. He would look ridiculous. Would this happen to me when I started puberty? The idea that I would look ridiculous and maybe like a freak scared me. I wanted to stay looking like a girl. I didn’t want to look like a man in a dress. The more I thought about it, the more that puberty scared me. I had to speak with Aunty about this all. She would know what to do. She tried it all with her nephew,

Mr. Dickens
I now had enough of some of the craziness at the orphanage. A lot of it centres around Shirley. He is an 11-year-old boy who is now pretending to be a girl all the time and on top of that, he wears diapers and sleeps in a baby's nursery. The psychiatrist told us that he is transgender and we should support him. I do not think that any of this is natural. A boy should not wear diapers. A boy should not pretend to be a girl. If I told him to stop being a girl, I would be seen as a bigot and someone who discriminates. However, I could do something else. I did this when Aunty came in and said Shirley needed some female hormones. I admit I lost my temper when she said this. I shouted that enough was enough. The whole situation was getting insane. Shirley was not going to get any hormones. On top of that, he is to be moved to Austin's old room. No 11-year-old boy should have a girl's baby nursery. Aunty tried to discuss this with me, but I stood firm. I do not think I am being mean or intolerant. I did not say that Shirley cannot be a sissy. I did not say he had to stop being a girl. I just think he should not be in a baby room. I do not think that is wrong of me to demand. Someone has to think of what is good for Shirley. Children need boundaries.

Shirley
I was told that I was no longer allowed to sleep in the nursery. I fell to my knees and started crying. It was like the end of the world for me. I now am so used to the nursery. It's my safe haven. It's where I could hide from the world. It's where I do not have to worry about growing up. Aunty sighed when I started crying like it was the end of the world and told me I was like a drama queen. She told me I won't be moved for a while and I could still be transgender and be a girl. I was happy about this. Everyone supported me since I started being a girl all the time. More even started to speak with me and want to be friends. Most of these were girls. The boys ignored me or stayed far away from me. Maybe they thought I would make them transgender or maybe even fall in love with them. This did not matter. They did not speak to me before so it made no difference that they didn't speak with me now. I was lucky enough that no one at school knew that I wore diapers. Aunty warned everyone at the orphanage not to tell anyone at the school. The thing is, that I am happy now. I no longer need the diaper girl in my dreams. I am her!

Jason
You will not believe what I did today. A couple came as they wanted to adopt a boy. So Mr. Dickens told them that they should speak with me. This was strange as I was now a teenager and couples usually do not want to adopt a teenager. The couple was very rich and I bet that Mr. Dickens thought they would give a huge donation to the orphanage if they found a son. They seemed like a nice couple and it would be nice to live in a rich family. I could get anything I wanted. I would be a millionaire when I was an adult. I did something that I did not plan. I told the couple that there was a nice boy here that they should talk to. I told them that Shirley is a very special boy, which is the truth. After I told them this, I wanted to kick myself. This could make them think that I was not interested and Shirley could end up being a rich brat. Why did I tell them about him? Maybe I wanted to be nice and show a new side of me. It also occurred to me that there could have been an evil intention with all this. Maybe I wanted this couple to see him in his sissy clothes and humiliate him so he realizes no one would ever want him. Who knows why I have done what I did?

Susan:
We no longer played dress-up games as Shirley was always dressed up. So we played with his toys or his dollhouse. Shirley never wants to play with my toys. I suppose he thinks they are too grown up for him and he only wanted toddler toys or very girly toys. You may think that I am a bit frustrated. I suppose I am. I do not understand why a boy wants to be a girl or a transgender. Shirley has been changing and I am afraid how much he will change. I think it's so hard for me because I have feelings for Shirley. I love him and I do not know what he feels about me. It's like I am in love with a girl and that does not seem right. So today when Shirley talked and talked about how happy he is that he is now a transgender, I stopped him. I told him that maybe it's time he finds a new hobby or something to do. Instead of talking about how good it is being a sissy, he should live life and have some fun. Shirley did not get mad at me. He just smiled and apologized for going on about being transgender and told me I was wise.

Aunty:
I thought that Mr. Dickens would have calmed down now. So I tried talking about Shirley's room. I explained how sad Shirley was and how he cried. I tried to explain that the nursery was not a punishment, but a way to give Shirley the security and safety he needed. Mr. Dickens is a stubborn man. He told me that he could accept the girl's clothes and even the diapers and baby things such as pacifiers and bottles. He just could not accept the crib. So we made a compromise. Shirley can have a normal girl's room for an 11-year-old and keep some of the toys that meant a lot to him. Shirley cried and seemed to have anxiety attacks when the crib was being removed. I told him to calm down. In reality, nothing much was changing. The only change was that Shirley would now have a bed. Shirley managed to start crying and spoke with a pacifier in his mouth, “It does look like a princess bed,”

Susan:
I noticed that Shirley was starting to lisp. He now even sounds like a toddler. As a friend, I tried to help him by suggesting that we try another hairstyle that looks a bit more like he is 11 years old. Maybe a ponytail. I tried explaining that when Shirley was so small for his age and wore pigtails, no one would ever believe that he was 11 years old. Shirley just smiled back at me and said that I forgot to say that he wears diapers. After thinking about it, he said maybe when he is older he would try a ponytail. This made me think that Shirley considered himself a toddler. Does he not remember that he is the same age as me but he now has the mentality of a toddler?

Shirley:
I have thought a lot about what Susan suggested. Maybe I should get a hobby. I am now happy as a girl so I should stop talking about it and living the life. So after thinking about what I could do, I asked Aunty if I could start dancing classes. She was not surprised when I told her that I wanted to do ballet. Aunty said, " That's a great idea as it is something that is a great activity for children and it will give you a graceful body." She did tell me that it would be hard to dance in diapers, So I would need either pullups or panties. This scared me a bit. I no longer felt when I needed to pee, so I was now incontinent. Still, I was determined to dance so I would have to see what works

Jason:
People think that Shirley has changed. He is still no saint. I apologized to him a few days ago because I bullied him and he has not yet forgiven me. I confronted him about this and asked him if he forgave me. Shirley just shrugged his shoulders and reminded me that I hurt a lot of people… especially Austin. I did what I was best at doing. I answered by speaking before thinking. I asked Shirley how many people he hurt when he was a bully. There was a reason why I was so mean to Austin. Then I admitted that I am gay and this is something I am ashamed about. I let all my frustrations out on Austin. When I realized what I admitted to Shirley, I warned him that he was not to tell anyone or even mention it to me. It's best he forgot I even mentioned it.

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Do you agree with Mr Dickens that Shirley needs boundaries? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

September 2023 - Part 4

Just as Shirley is happy with who he is, things change

---

Doctor Mary:
What is normal or natural? Seems like every child in “Orphan Petal” is having trouble. Susan is in love and does not know what to do about it. Both Austin and Jason are gay and find this hard to accept. Shirley is transgender and has regressed himself to a toddler state. They seem to worry what others will say about all this. It's not easy for children that have to discover their identities. You want to feel normal and fit in. When this does not happen, you wonder why you are different and what others will think. You can either fight the way you feel or accept it. This is hard for anyone, but especially for the children of “Orphan Petal”

Mr. Dickens
When I came here, I was worried that Aunty was working here. She has no qualifications and I did read how she turned her nephew into a sissy. When I saw that Shirley was a sissy, I thought that this was Aunty's fault. I have been observing Aunty since I came here and to be honest, I have changed my mind about her. She is charming, eloquent and nice-looking. What impresses me is how she cares for the children here. She wants what is best for them. Take Shirley as an example. I am always quick to judge him and think that being a sissy is wrong. Aunty supports him and gives him the attention he needs. She does the same with all the children, especially the girls. Aunty is an asset to this orphanage.

Shirley
I did my first ballet lesson today. I wore a leotard, tutu, tights and ballet slippers. My hair was in pigtails. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked exactly like the girl in my dreams. I tried just wearing panties which was a strange feeling not wearing diapers. I suppose I had to get older sometime. We did a lot of stretching exercises and at the end tried some ballet poses. Our teacher's name is Miss Anastasia. She is from Russia so was quite funny when she spoke with her accent. Miss Anastasia was quite surprised at me and told me that I have a natural talent. There were 6 other children there and they were all girls. They said I was as good as any other girl. I was so proud and when Miss Anatasia told me that I needed to practice a lot, I nodded. I know I can catch up to the others. Why did I wait 11 years to find out that my destiny was with ballet?

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley had visited me today with Aunty. Shirley has been afraid of puberty and Aunty suggested that he get puberty blockers. I explained that in Shirley's case, Puberty blockers for boys are medications that temporarily halt the physical changes associated with puberty. They work by suppressing the release of hormones like testosterone, slowing down the development of secondary sexual characteristics such as facial hair, voice deepening, and muscle growth. I wanted to make sure that Shirley understood what this would do to his body. If he wanted a girl's body, he would need to take female hormones. Aunty told me that her boss said that this is not allowed. So I gave Shirley the shot. I had never seen a boy cry so much over a needle. Aunty must be used to the crying as she just put a pacifier in his mouth. This is a good day for me. I feel like I am helping Shirley on his way. The world has one less boy to worry about!

Susan:
Shirley practices ballet all the time. I must admit that he looks very flexible and like he is having fun. I have two left feet, so I just watch him as he practices. Shirley also told me that he got a shot that will stop puberty so he never looks like a boy. I did not understand how this could be done. All I knew was that he was becoming more and more like a girl every day. I was in love with a girl. It was hard and frustrating keeping this to myself. I wanted to know if Shirley also fancied me. That would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. I know that the wisest thing would have been to keep these feelings to myself and give Shirley time to see how he felt. This did not happen. As Shirley was doing his ballet moves, I blurted out that I loved him and wanted to be his girlfriend. Shirley stopped what he was doing. This meant that I got his attention. I asked him if he also loved me. There was no answer. Shirley just stood there and went very pale. He did not answer me. He told me that he had to go as he had to find Aunty. This answer frustrated me. Why could he not answer, even if it was a negative answer? It made me think that he had to ask Aunty what he should think. I did not tell him this. In a way I also wanted him to leave. I felt so embarrassed.

Mr. Dickens
I heard that Shirley got some puberty blockers, so I researched them. While puberty blockers can be beneficial for boys experiencing gender dysphoria by providing them with time to explore their gender identity, there are potential concerns and drawbacks. Prolonged use of these medications may lead to reduced bone density, as the hormonal changes associated with puberty play a crucial role in bone development. Additionally, there is uncertainty regarding the long-term impact on fertility. Extended use of puberty blockers could potentially limit the individual's ability to conceive in the future. In a way, this seemed risky and could do more harm than good. A part of me wanted to forbid it. I did not do this, as the treatment has been started and Aunty seems to know a lot more about sissy boys than I did, so I had to trust her. Maybe I would become wiser about human nature.

Shirley:
Susan told me that she fancied and loved me. How could this be? We are only 11 years old and too young to be in love. I do not even know what love is. What does it feel like to be in love? Was that not something that adults did? It seems like everyone I knew knows about love. Austin and Jason are gay and maybe Logan is too. Susan is in love with me. I have no intention of being smoochy with anyone. I do not want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. If I was in love, it would mean that was growing up. I do not want to grow up. I am happy the way that I am now. I have everything that I want such as pretty clothes and a bedroom and toys and now I have ballet. Why did I need to grow up? Seems like everyone wanted me to grow up. Susan did not want me in pigtails. I was told to sleep in a normal bed. Now Susan is in love with me. I am not going to be smoochy with anyone.

Aunty:
Mr. Dickens praised me today saying that he could see how much I cared for the children here. He admitted that he did not understand Shirley but could see that I did not force Shirley to do anything and that Shirley was very happy. Mr. Dickens did ask me if I would like Shirley as much if he was an ordinary boy. Why did I pay more attention to the girls? Was Shirley my favourite? I was told that it's wrong to have any favourites. This made me think. I appreciated Mr Dickens's honesty. He was not attacking me, but trying to be constructive. It made me wonder if Shirley was now my favourite. I think that this is the case. Shirley has become something special for me. In all honesty, this was because he is now a girl. If he stayed being a boy, I would hardly notice him. Life has shown me that I liked feminine boys and in a way thought that all boys should be transgender. Shirley is my favourite. Professional speaking, this is something I should not do. I should not have any favourites. However, I am only human. I can't help the way I feel. As long as I care for all the children, then there is no problem.

Shirley:
Jason wants me to forgive him. Susan already forgave him. I did not forgive him and was not going to do it. Jason hurt me and he hurt my friends. I am glad that he no longer bullies anyone, but I felt like I was still wounded. This was until Susan reminded me how much of a bully I was. I even broke Logan's arm. Jason never broke anyone's arm. Susan reminded me that I wanted people to forgive me when I started changing. I should treat others the way I want them to treat me. It made me think that I had some of my old habits in me. I still did not think about others and did not understand others, Like me, Jason wanted to change and I offered no support. When I changed, I wanted people to support me. I decided to tell Jason that I forgave him. There was no celebration or even a smile when I told him this, Jason said OK and walked away.

Susan
A few days ago, I told Shirley that I loved him. There was no reaction from him and it seems as if he pretended that it never happened. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. Now Shirley finally talked about it. He told me that he was not ready for a girlfriend and did not want any romance in his life. Then he tried to cheer me up by saying that I was his best friend. He considered us like soulmates. I changed the subject very quickly. I told him that I was going to try doing ballet with him. While Shirley was excited about this, I wanted so much to be alone and cry on my bed. It's true what they say about boys… they are not as mature as us girls… even the boys that wear dresses.

Miss Anastasia:
Shirley had a friend at ballet class today. They are both a bit old to be starting ballet. It would be nearly impossible for them to be elite ballerinas. This being said, Shirley is a natural. He picked things up so quickly and was so enthusiastic. I am sure that with lots of practice, he could have a chance. I do not care if he is transgender or not. I see the children here as dancers. Susan on the other hand had very little chance. Some children could not dance and she is one of them. Susan does try but it's as if her heart is not in it. Maybe she is just here to be together with friends. While I would love it if all the children became elite ballerinas, I also think that this is a place where children should have some fun. So maybe Susan was not good at ballet, but what mattered was that she had fun.

Mr. Dickens
Mr and Mrs Sterling visited the orphanage to speak with Jason. They are a very rich couple and were potential donors to the orphanage. Jason would have been a good match and he would have been happy with his new family. It seems as if this did not work out. They heard about a boy named Shirley and wanted to meet him. I think that I went through many emotions when I heard this. None of the emotions were good. Shirley was the last boy that I would suggest that they should meet. What would they say to a boy who considered himself a girl? Despite that, I tried to suggest other boys they could meet, but they were very determined to meet Shirley. This left me with several problems. They could be disappointed after meeting Shirley and this will damage the orphanage's reputation. I could lose their donations that could be used to repair this old place. An advantage is they would like Shirley and this would take him off my hands. I had to think about how I would handle this. I would not allow a sissy boy to ruin things for the orphanage.

Shirley:
Mr. Dickens wanted to speak with me about a couple that wanted to meet me. This was a chance that I could get a family that would love me and take care of me. I ruined my chances when I lived with Logan. It would be best if I learned from this and did not make an opportunity with this family. Then I was told that they did not know that I was a sissy. To make a better impression, Mr. Dickens thought that I should stop this game I had been playing. I should start wearing boys' clothes again. I do not think this was a request from Mr. Dickens. I think it was an order. I wanted to say that this couple should accept me the way that I am. If they do not like that I am transgender, then they should find another boy. Mr. Dickens is impossible to discuss it. I would do what he said. I can be a boy again. He told me if I got adopted, it would help the orphanage. I told him that I would dress as a boy if it was so important to the orphanage.

Susan
Shirley has started to dress as a boy once again. He says some couple may adopt him and they want a boy. He told me that it was no problem being in boys' clothes. I thought I would be happy seeing him as a boy again, but this is not true. Shirley was not his lively smiling self. I do not understand it. Shirley is a hard person to understand. When he came to the orphanage he changed to a person that he once despised. Now that he has a chance to get adopted, he is changing and doing a U-turn. Why did he decide to suddenly become a boy again without any protests? Shirley was so comfortable being a girl and he was so happy. Was all this just a game for him? Does Shirley want to be a boy again? Is this all so he is normal enough to get adopted? What if he does get adopted? What would happen to me? I would be so lonely. I know I should be happy that he will get a family. The problem is that I am also selfish. I want Shirley to be here with me.

Logan:
Shirley and Susan visited our home today. It was so strange having Shirley back in this house. Austin was ignoring him and my mother seemed to not know what to do. Shirley was once again dressed as a boy. He did not tease me or give me a hard time. Mom said she would tell him to leave if he did. The fact is that Shirley was very polite and he even gave me some dolls that he said he no longer needed. I tried asking him why he was dressed as a boy again, but he did not want to talk about it. The only thing he said was that he could be adopted into a rich family. I felt sorry for the new family. It was fun that Shirley and Susan visited. My mom said that they could even visit again.

Austin
Shirley is a boy once again. He changes his identity more than people change their underwear. I could see that he still wore diapers. It will be hard to change that. His bladder was so weak after he had no control over it for a long time. When he visited, I did my best to avoid him. Shirley was polite with me but did not pester me. I could see Susan, Logan and Shirley having fun. It was then that I realized how much I missed Shirley. It made me think that being mad at someone took too much energy and it just made me feel worse. When Shirley and I were alone, I told him that it was wrong what he had done, but I forgave him. This was like a huge weight taken off my shoulder. I do not know if we would ever be best friends or how much I could trust him again. It's as if we have to start our friendship from the start and see what happens.

Aunty:
Shirley is now being a boy once again. I am not sure that this is what he wants. Maybe he wants to be adopted more than being transgender. This whole adoption prospect has made me depressed. I do not want to see Shirley be adopted. In a way, I wanted him to stay here. I suppose you can say that Shirley has become very important to me. This is an orphanage, so this is our job, we are to find families for the orphans here.

Shirley
Mr and Mrs Sterling came and visited me. They looked very posh. They did not smile a lot but seemed like they wanted to adopt me as quickly as possible. Mrs Streling seemed as if she was nice. She was telling me how great their life was and I could do things and get things that I never imagined. Mr Sterling was a bit different. He commented on how short I was and how long my hair was long. Nothing was said about how I was transgender until a few days ago. They were told about my diapers. Mrs Sterling said that I could get help for that. I felt a bit guilty that I did not talk about my being transgender until a few days ago. Mr Dickens warned me not to talk about it. At the end of the meeting, they asked me if I would like to have a trial period with them and live with them.

Victoria Temple
Thanks for reading this part. I hope you will comment. Why do you think Shirley agreed to be a boy again? I hope to see you in the next part of “Orphan Petal"

Orphan Petal

October 2023 - Part 1

Shirley has a chance to get a new family

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary:
Shirley has a chance to accept a trial period with the Sterlings. This comes at a very fragile time in his life. He feels that he is transgender and gets support from Aunty and others. Austin has forgiven him, and Susan supports him as much as she can. Dickens also seems to support Shirley but is not afraid to set boundaries. Despite the fact that Shirley still wears diapers and is babyish, he is in a bedroom for a “girl” his age and not a nursery. Shirley even stopped thinking too much and started living his life. It was so nice to see him having fun. Now he was offered a trial period to be adopted. The strange thing was that Shirley agreed to be a boy, as he was made to believe that this was the only way he would be adopted. What will the consequences of this be?

Shirley:
The Sterlings wanted to adopt me, and I agreed to the trial period. Mr. Dickens told me they had not told the Sterlings that I was a transgender boy since I came to the orphanage. They did not need to know this. According to Mr. Dickens, I was not transgender. He thought that I was just playing a game. A game to get attention and make people think I was special. Mr. Dickens reminded me that I was helping the orphanage, as this couple was very important. I did not understand why it was so important that it was me who could help the orphanage. When I looked in the mirror at me wearing boy's clothes, they just felt wrong. When I dressed and acted like a girl, it was not a game or me looking for attention. It was who I wanted to be. This being said, I understand that these people wanted a boy, not a sissy boy. Being a boy was a sacrifice I could deal with; after all, I was a boy most of my life!

Aunty:
I cannot believe that Shirley has agreed to this trial period. I know it's a trial period, but Shirley is a child that anyone would want to adopt. I am happy that he is being adopted. I am just asking myself why he agreed to this. He is being a boy again and forgetting the changes he has gone through since he came here. Shirley is forgetting who he is and who he wants to be. I simply do not understand why he wants to be adopted here. Was Shirley not here? Was he not happy with me taking care of him?

Mr. Dickens:
I am one happy man. Shirley left the orphanage today to live with the Sterlings. In a month or two, they will tell me that they want to adopt him. Shirley was dressed as a boy. He still has that long hair, but at least it is not in pigtails. He still wears diapers, but no child is perfect. The main thing is that he is now out of my hands. I could not understand him or why he thought he was a girl. I never understood why boys think they are transgender. I know that Aunty understood him. The problem was that she did not try to bring Shirley to his senses. Aunty made things worse. Ah well, not my problem anymore.

Jason:
What was I thinking of? The couple wanted me at first. I told them that they should speak with Shirley, as he was a special child. Well, this is true. Shirley is as special as they can get, and I am still unsure why I have done this. Maybe I wanted to humiliate him when this couple did not like his sissy ways. Maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I could be nice. Whatever the case was, Shirley has now left us and lives with a rich family. He will be living a life of luxury, while I will be forgotten here. I was a bit mad at myself for giving him this opportunity. I should be given a medal for being so nice!

Mr. Sterling
As we bought the boy home, I was in second doubt about this boy. We were told that Shirley was the best that the orphanage had to offer. It made me think of what the other boys were like. As I looked at him, I could not help but sigh. There was something just not right about him. His hair was very long, and he was very small for his age. I imagined that he was not good at sports. I would go as far as to say that he would lose a fight with a housefly. To be honest, I did not want to adopt a child in the first place. It was my wife's idea. It does not make sense to adopt a child. We do not know what their past is or the quality of genes they have. On top of this, my wife and I work many hours. If we are not working, then we are socializing. We do not have time to be parents. My wife thinks a governess would help in times when we don’t. This does prove that I spoil my wife, and having a child will cost me a lot of money. We were told that Shirley has a bladder problem, but it should get better. I think that this makes Shirley a wimp. My wife has become so obsessed with adopting a child that she thought it was cute, and no one can see he wears diapers as they are hidden under his clothes. I can see the diaper bulge and do not think that it looks cute. Do you know how much diapers cost?

Susan
Saying goodbye to Shirley was so hard. I know I will not see him at school, but it was not the same. For the first time in months, he was dressed in a suit—a boy suit. It was so strange not seeing Shirley in pigtails and something girly. He did look very handsome and smart, but it did not look like him. He did not have that same sparkle on his face. I figured it was because he was thinking about what his new life would be. I hope he will be happy and not pretend to be something that he is not. I also hoped he would not be like other rich people—an arrogant and snobby idiot. As for me, it hurts that he has gone. As for me, I will survive. At least I hope I will. At the moment, I just want to cry all the time. It was like there was a hole in me.

Doctor Philomena:
Aunty called me today and told me that Shirley would no longer be seeing me. He was on trial, and they did not know that a few weeks ago, Shirley considered himself transgender. When he left the orphanage, he was dressed as a boy. He still had his long hair, but Aunty was sure that it would be cut soon. This confused me. Why did the orphanage not tell the new parents about Shirley's identity? I am sure that Shirley considers himself to be transgendered. He cannot pretend to be something he is not. If Shirley tries to forget who he is to please some other people, then this will end up hurting Shirley more than he can deal with. It could end up giving him mental problems. I think that it is bad that I am no longer needed. Shirley needs support and guidance. He needs the puberty blockers that he started. Shirley needs me.

Shirley
Everything is a bit overwhelming. I now have to live with two people I do not know. They have no other children, so it will just be me. Since my parents died, I have been put in new situations all the time with people that I did not know. Now I would be living with Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. They looked so posh and like some celebrities, you see on TV. Mr. Sterling never smiles, and his wife is always pinching my cheeks and telling me how cute I am. I was warned by the orphanage not to ruin this chance to get adopted. I do not have a good record of families wanting me. Even the only foster family I had did not want me. I was warned by the orphanage to be normal and not be girly. This is a sacrifice I would have to make. When I put on boy's clothes, they felt so wrong. When I wear boy's clothes, I feel like I am pretending to be someone else. I am trying to be positive. I do not want to fail during this trial. It is important for me that I can prove to myself and others that I can be loved, and some love me enough to adopt me. So far, being a rich boy has been fun. I was in a limousine, and I would be living in a huge mansion, and my bedroom looks like a toy store. One thing I did not understand was why two people would live in such a big mansion. Why do two people need 17 bedrooms?

Mrs Sterling
There is one word to describe Shirley: adorable. Sure, when I saw him first, I thought that he was a girl. I also think that it's strange that an 11-year-old boy would have to wear diapers. However, this is all part of being a parent. I am sure that with a haircut, Shirley would look more like a boy, and I am sure he would outgrow the diapers. Besides, we have hired a governess to deal with things like that. Today, when Shirley saw our home, his mouth was wide open. He looked as if he had just entered paradise. Shirley has to get used to being a privileged boy and not needing to worry about things. One thing that made me smile was when Shirley saw his bedroom. I bought nearly the whole toy shop, hoping he would get what he wanted. Shirley glanced at the toys and looked a bit lost. This was until he saw a dollhouse in the corner of the room. It was the dollhouse that I had as a little girl, and I felt a bit embarrassed that the dollhouse was in the room. I did instruct the staff to put it in the attic. Shirley's reaction surprised me. He became excited when he saw the dollhouse and said it was the prettiest one he had ever seen. I told him we could take it away, but Shirley begged that the dollhouse stay in the bedroom. I allowed it. My husband moaned and was not happy that his new adopted son was so excited about a dollhouse.

Nanny
I will be the new nanny for Shirley. My first impression was that he was very short for his age and had incredibly long hair and long eyelashes. Shirley looks like an angel. He also seems to be very polite, and this is always a good thing. I feel sorry for him in a way. He could be adopted by this family. Of course, he will have everything that he wants. What worries me is if Shirley will get the love that a child deserves. Mr. and Mrs. Sterling will not have that much time for Shirley. Let's hope that the child is not just a trophy for them.

Susan:
Shirley still goes to my school, so things are not as bad as I thought they would be. We talk a lot at the school. This is to be expected. Shirley is experiencing so much with his new family that he had to tell me about it. Shirley talked a lot about his nanny and all the toys he had. It seems that he ate a lot of good food. Shirley told me that he even tasted snails. That sounds disgusting. I am glad that he still goes to my school. The sad thing is that Shirley's status has changed. No one speaks with Shirley. I am the only one who speaks with him. I think that everyone is jealous of Shirley. He is now seen as some privileged rich kid.

Mr Sterling
Shirley comes every day and spends an hour with me and my wife before he goes to bed. I ask if he did his homework or if there is anything he needs. When he told me that he wanted to continue ballet, I spit out my coffee and was speechless. I have been very patient with this boy. I did not try to make him into a son that I could be proud of. He was not forced to get a haircut. I did not give him a problem because he was a diaper boy. I did hope that he would be interested in sports. The ballet was the last thing I expected him to do. I wanted Shirley to be happy. I want my wife to be happy. When he told me about ballet, I remained calm. I just commented that I hoped he would not wear a tutu.

Governess:
I have a lot of experience with children. Shirley is probably one of the most special boys I have ever met. He is a quiet boy who does not complain. His new parents do not have a lot of time for him, but he just finds things to do himself. He spends a lot of time playing with the dollhouse. It is when Shirley does this that he seems happiest. Otherwise, he is happy when he speaks with a girl he knows from the orphanage. Otherwise, Shirley is a mystery to me. It's hard to get to know him. It seems as if he is just trying to fit in. The only time that Shirley has a spark in his eyes is when he plays with the dollhouse or speaks with his friend on the phone.

Aunty:
I have not been feeling well lately. I have been hiding in the staff office. This is something I have never experienced before. I was always full of energy and doing things around the orphanage. Now I do not have any energy. Everything seems so black.

Orphan Petal

October 2023 - Part 2

Shirley has a chance to get a new family

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
Shirley was so happy. He accepted the fact that he was transgender. He was happy living as a girl. He loved looking like a girl and doing girly things. Shirley loves ballet and is very talented. Now he is living with these two people, who see him more as a status symbol than a child who needs love and attention. Shirley is trying to please them by being a boy. The problem here is, can he be someone he is not?

Shirley:
Today was a bad day. My new dad came in and saw me playing with the dollhouse. Then he looked at my bed and saw all the stuffed animals. Mr. Sterling was so mad and asked me what sort of child I was. He told me that I was too young to be gay or act gay. I tried answering in a polite way, asking if I could not keep them. Mr. Sterling sighed and once again asked what kind of boy would want things like that. They were taken away. It took everything in me not to cry. I had tears in my eyes, and Mr. Sterlig sighed once again when he saw me with watery eyes. I stayed in my room and still refused to cry. Let me explain why I did not cry or get mad. I had to prove to myself that I could be a good son and be loved by my new parents. I did not want to be an orphan. I wanted to be in a family and have parents who were proud of me.

Governess:
Shirley was not in a good mood. I had to ask him why the dollhouse and stuffed animals being removed made him so sad. Shirley made me promise that I would tell no one what he was about to tell me, especially his new parents. Then he told me about his real family and how his parents were in a car crash. Shirley still thought it was his fault. I heard that he was a bad boy who was a bully. When his parents died, he was in a foster home, where he broke his foster brother's hand. Since he went to the orphanage, he found out he liked dressing and acting like a girl. It was only when he came to live with the Sterlings that he would have to dress as a boy again. When he finished telling me all this, since Shirley came here, I knew he was special. He was now trying to please the world, and this can be a dangerous thing for him to do.

Mr Sterling
I had a long talk with my wife and the nanny. I told them that Shirley was a weird boy. He was a wimp, wet the bed, had long hair, and would rather do ballet than sports. I am a reasonable man and can respect that we are different in the way we look and what we are interested in. I am the first one to admit that I am also conservative. I believe that parents need to guide their children. This is very important for a child like Shirley. He had been in an orphanage and did not get the attention and discipline he needed. Now I feel that it is time that, as his new parents, we must do our responsibility and not let Shirley go astray. I decided that Shirley must be helped not to wet the bed. He will not wear diapers. This meant no drinks before bed, and the nanny was to help him wake up and go to the toilet. I am not an evil man. Shirley can still do ballet, but he was not to have girl toys. I wanted to have his hair cut so he looked like a boy, but Rome was not built in a day. One thing at a time. His haircut can wait.

Mr Dickens
I spoke with the Sterlings today. It seems as if Shirley is doing fine there. That is good because I do not miss him. Mr. Sterling told me they are trying to get Shirley out of diapers. This is a bumpy ride, as he is having many accidents. However, the Sterlings are persistent, and they are doing what they thought was best for Shirley. The Sterling couple has my support. Shirley is 11 years old, and he needs to get rid of his sissy and baby ways. It's about time that someone sets boundaries for him. Besides all this, they tell me that Shirley is a quiet and polite boy. This pleases me. There was no talk about Shirley being girly, so this assures me that his sissy days were just a phase. Shirley was now being helped to be on the right path that a boy his age should be on.

Mrs Sterling
I am so happy Shirley is here. He has now filled a void in my life. I always wanted a child but could never get pregnant. I think that Shirley is a blessing. He is not like other boys. When I see Shirley, he seems so fragile and quiet. It's good we have the nanny, as she can take care of him. My husband and I do not have a chance to take care of him. We have very busy lives. My job is important to me, and it takes a lot of time and effort. Even when I come home from the office, I often have to sit with my laptop and work on a project for work. I am not a bad mother. I do see Shirley every day before he goes to bed for an hour or so. I will be honest; this wears me down and makes me tired. I think this is something new for us all, and we have to establish structure and a routine. Structure and routine are very important. I am just so happy that we have the nanny living with us.

Shirley
Am I happy? I should be. I now have a family, or at least I am on a trial period. I also understand some of the things they want me to do. They want me to stop wearing diapers and act like any normal boy would. This is hard, as I have been having a lot of accidents where I wet my pants. This is embarrassing. I blame myself for this, which confused me. I did not mind wearing a diaper, and it never embarrassed me. At my age, this should not be the case. I think my new parents thought I was strange and wanted me to be normal and not a mental case. I want to believe that the Sterlings love me. The problem is that I hardly see them. Sometimes I feel like something like their doll, that they can show off once in a while. I am not depressed or sad. I mean, an 11-year-old is too young to get depressed, isn't he? I just had to get used to being in a family again... and normal

Susan:
Shirley is trying to get out of diapers. This has caused many accidents at school, which also means that poor Shirley has been teased a lot. One thing is that others do not like that he is now a rich boy, but they have something extra to bully him about. Things are getting better. Shirley hardly has any wetting accidents anymore. This does not mean Shirley is not being teased. No one will ever forget him standing in the middle of a classroom with wet trousers. I am Shirley's only friend at school, and, to be honest, I am grateful for this. I will also admit that I am worried about him. Shirley does not seem happy. He is becoming quieter, and the sparkle in his eyes is becoming blank as every day goes on. Even though I see Shirley at school every day, I miss him more and more every day. I miss the Shirley that I knew. What I mean is that he is changing. Or maybe it is me who is changing.
Shirley:
Mr. and Mrs. Sterling are proud that I do not need diapers anymore during the day. I wear pull-ups at night. They leak, as they are not as good as the baby-style ones I usually wear. However, I am told the children my age wear pullups. I am also proud of myself in a way. I did not cause drama when they took the toys I liked away from me or told me how I should be. I am trying my best to be the son that they want. The thing I notice is that my new parents do not spend any more time with me. They always seem too busy. I wonder if they know me or want to get to know me. Maybe they just want to mould me into their idea of a perfect son. The nanny is more like a parent than the Sterlings are. The nanny is interested in how I feel and think. She reminds me of Aunty.

Aunty
Things are not the same as when Shirley left. It could also be Austin that I miss. Sometimes I wonder what my purpose in life is. I help provide for orphans when they need a home and provide as much attention and love as I can. Then they get adopted, a new orphan moves in, and I start over again. It is my own fault. I should never get emotionally attached to children. It's strange that the rumour is that I do not like boys. Yet I miss these two boys so much. Mr. Dickens is happy that they are gone. It's not because he does not like them. Mr. Dickens is an administrator, and finding orphans a home is his goal. He was nice to me and suggested I take some time off. It would not help anything. What I needed now was to keep busy doing my work. I just would not let any child get too close to my heartstrings.

Shirley
My bladder is getting stronger and stronger, and I suppose I should be happy about this. Something strange has happened. I have started one again, dreaming about the diaper in a girl. I started dreaming about her when I started at the orphanage. I stopped dreaming about the diaper girl when I started dressing and acting like a girl. That was when I found out that the girl in my dreams was me. Now I think it's strange that I started dreaming about her once again. Maybe this is because I am no longer the girl in my dreams. I was now told I should be a boy. I did not know what to think of the diaper girl in my dreams. In a way, I am happy she is back in my dreams. I missed her.

Jason:
I visited Austin today. It's hard to believe that once I gave him such a hard time and bullied him, and now here I am visiting him and his new foster home. Today Austin and I put our past behind us, and Austin forgave me. I explained to Austin that I was finding out my own sexual identity. I admitted that I did not know if I was gay or not, and this was why I most likely bullied him. Austin tried to understand the turmoil and confusion in my head. Austin did tell me, in a way, that it was a relief that he now knew someone who had the same confusion as he did.

Shirley:
I told Susan at school that I started dreaming about the diaper girl once again. The next day, Susan gave me a pink pacifier. She told me that the diaper girl was me, and because I was not allowed to show that side of me, she was now locked in me. She gave me the pacifier and told me that only I knew who I was. If I became someone I was not meant to be, then I would just be unhappy. When I came home, I hid the pacifier. I do not want Sarah to be right. I want to be the son that the Sterlings are proud of. I do not want them to think I am some freak.

Anastasia
Remember me? I am a ballet teacher. Shirley has a new family, and they still allow him to do ballet. This is very wise, as Shirley is very talented. I noticed that Shirley was not as happy when he came to dance class. He seemed distant, and he no longer smiled. Today was not the best day for Shirley. He wet himself during class. I knew that he had a bladder problem and was working on getting more control. The other children of course teased him, but I told Shirley not to worry, as it takes time. A bladder cannot become strong in a week or so. Shirley needed patience. Shirley was worried. He was more worried about what his new parents would think.

Mr Sterling
I am so ashamed. When I was told that Shirley wet himself at ballet class, I was disappointed. Then I heard that he had accidents at school. I am ashamed. I am also mad that he did not tell me. The boy is 11 years old. He needs to stop acting like a baby and act his age. As Shirley stood before me, I told him that it was time he got boundaries and structures. I had no problem being strict. What I decide is for Shirley's good. Shirley was told that he would no longer be doing ballet.

Orphan Petal

October 2023 - Part 3

Shirley has a chance to get a new family

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
This introduction will be short. I have nothing much to say. Last week, I saw a movie called "Annie." If you did not see it, you should. The storyline and the music are very good. One of the songs was “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow." This made tears come to my eyes, as I thought there was not much sun in Shirley's life, and it did not look like the sun would be coming out anytime soon. Still, we must have hope and pray that this experience does not break Shirley's spirit. Shirley has always been strong and had a will of his own. People do have limits, though.

Shirley:
I am no longer allowed to have the toys that I want. I am being told not to be girly and to be more masculine. Now I am told that I am not allowed to do ballet. It seems that no one is asking me what I want. I thought that being adopted would be good for me. However, Mr. and Mrs. Sterling are trying to mould me into the son that they want. They do not care who I am or how I feel. They do not ask me how I feel or what I like to do. They just tell me what to do and what not to do. I wonder if being adopted is such a good idea. Who is it good for? Is it good for me? The Sterlings? The orphanage? I am feeling so many emotions. The main emotion is anger. I am so angry at myself that I thought I would be loved by being adopted.

Nanny:
Shirley has not been in a good mood lately. It is hard for an orphan to settle in with a new family. Shirley is experiencing this. He has to consider people that he only knows for a short time as his new parents. Shirley has to trust these people and, at the same time, hope that his new parents will love him. I can understand Shirley's frustrations. The Sterlings hardly know him. They hardly have time for him. I invited Shirley to my home today, where he can meet my family. I have two daughters around his age, Shirley was shy at first. Then he started playing with my daughters and their toys. They were girl toys such as dolls, a Barbie house, and a dance machine, but Shirley did not mind. In fact, he was smiling, giggling, and in such a good mood. I could see that he was so happy. When I saw Shirley playing with my girls, I realised that I was finally seeing who Shirley really was. I thought it was a shame that the Sterlings could not see this side of Shirley. They have never seen how he can smile and sparkle, and his happiness can light up the world.

Aunty:
Shirley called me today. When I heard his voice, my heart started beating so quickly. I don’t know why. Shirley just wanted to know how it was at the orphanage. He wanted to know if Susan and Jason were fine. He wanted to know if his room was occupied. He wanted to know if we missed him. I kept my answers short. To be honest, I was a bit distant and cold when replying. I am sure that he did not like this. A part of me wondered if this was Shirley ringing to rub it in that he no longer needed the orphanage. He found his happiness as a spoiled, rich brat. Shirley no longer needed us. After a few questions from him, I told him that I was busy. After the phone call, I just stayed in my office. A part of me wanted to cry. A part of me wanted to scream. I admit it, I miss Shirley. I do not mind which child gets adopted, but my heart was telling me why it had to be Shirley. I felt bad that I was somewhat impolite and distant. It just hurt when I heard his voice.

Susan
I went to ballet class today, and Shirley was not there. I sent him a text message asking him if he was coming late. I got a short text back saying that he was no longer allowed to go to ballet and did not want to talk about it. The ballet was no longer fun without him. I only did ballet because it had something to do with Shirley; I know I am not good at it. It's as if I have two left feet. I could hardly concentrate during the lesson. I was thinking of Shirley not being allowed to do what he loved the most. I guessed that Shirley's new parents were the ones who decided that he was no longer allowed to come to ballet. This upsets me. Why would parents forbid something their child was good at and something he loved? It made me think that I was happy that I did not have parents. I do not want my parents to tell me I am not allowed to do things that I like doing. It also made me wonder what Shirley's life was like with his new parents. Do they understand who he is and love him for who he is?

Nanny:
Shirley is changing, and this is not for the best. He no longer has the energy and spirit of life. Shirley no longer smiles. He hardly even speaks. This is such a contrast to how he was when he came here or when he visited my home. I know what the problem is. Mr. and Mrs. Sterling do not know Shirley. They are telling Shirley how they want him to act and look. They have taken the toys he likes away, and they no longer allow Shirley to go to ballet. You do not have to have many degrees in child psychology to realise how sad Shirley is that he does not like what is happening. Not allowing Shirley to go to ballet was the thing that broke him. Shirley is no longer happy and is a shell of himself. As a nanny, I get paid by the Sterlings to do a job. At the same time, I can no longer stand by and watch Shirley suffer.

Shirley
It's the weekend, and if you ask me what I have been doing all day, it was crying on my bed as well as getting into tantrums. I thought being adopted would be great, but now it's hell. I feel as if I am no longer myself. Since I came to this place, my new parents have been spending a lot of time telling me what I am not allowed to do. They have taken the toys I liked away. They have told me that I am no longer allowed to dance. I have done everything they asked for. I never argued with them or gave them a reason for not loving me. The only thing I want is to be loved for who I am. I want to be accepted for who I am. The Sterlings do not love me. They do not even know me. They never asked me how I was feeling or what I liked doing. How can they? I only see them for an hour a day, and this is usually them asking about homework or whether my room is tidy and all that. It feels as if they just judge me all the time. I will not be a brat and act like a grumpy teenager. It could be that if they see me being obedient, they will learn to love me.

Jason:
People always told me that I was a bully, but I was an angel compared to how Shirley is becoming. Despite that he still has that long hair, he is now very boyish. He is also becoming a bully. The nice, smiling Shirley, whom we all thought was weird but kind, is fading away. Now he always seems so angry and lashes out at everyone. This has shocked many in his class. The others are becoming afraid of him. They are avoiding him, and this only makes things worse. In a way, I can understand Shirley. When he was adopted, he was ignored or otherwise mocked by his classmates because he was now a rich kid. I think that a person can only deal with so much. The others pushed Shirley too much, and now he is lashing back. It is not always the bully's fault. What people do not understand is that there is a reason why people bully. Let's hope that this is a phase that Shirley is going through.

Susan
I feel like crying all the time now. Shirley was my best friend; however, I no longer recognise him. He has become so mean and aggressive. There is not a day that he is not sent to the headmaster's office for getting into a fight or bullying someone. The only one who has escaped his wrath is me. I tried speaking to Shirley about it, but he ignored me. I may have escaped his bullying, but he now treats me like I am invisible. I do not know what is happening. I do not believe my classmates when they say that he thinks he is too good for us because he lives with a rich family. I think that it is something else. Whatever it is, it hurts! I feel like I lost a good friend, and the best friend I ever had is now being possessed by some demon. There is nothing that I can do except wait and see or mourn that I lost a friend.

Mr. Dickens
Shirley is still on trial, so I visited Shirley and his new parents. It seems as if things are not going as well as expected. Shirley is getting into trouble at school, and he has no friends. Mr. Sterling told me that Shirley is like a broken doll, and they are doing their best to fix him. He told me that Shirley played with girly toddler toys when he came, and no boy at 11 years old should be wearing diapers. I was even told that Shirley was no longer allowed to do ballet. As his parents were saying this, I looked at Shirley. The boy did not look happy. Even his eyes were watery. The only thing that Shirley said was that he was trying his best. I know the Sterlings would be good for the orphanage if this adoption went through. They would be great donors, but at what expense? I explained to the Sterlings that Shirley was always girly and not afraid to show this side of him. We should respect who Shirley is and support him. I felt strange for saying this, but seeing how sad Shirley looked opened my eyes. It did not open Sterling's couple's eyes. Mr. Sterling's only comment was that Shirley would now be getting a haircut.

Shirley
When Mr. Sterling told me I was getting a haircut and my hair was to be short, I lost my temper for the first time since I came here. I told Mr. and Mrs. Sterling that I did not mind my hair being trimmed, but there was no chance in the world that I would let anyone cut it off. They looked confused when I said this, and my reply was that if they bothered to spend any time with me, or got to know me, they would get to know me and understand why. I do not feel guilty that I shouted at Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. Since I came here, they have been trying to change me. My hair was the only part of the real me that was left, and they were not going to cut it.

Nanny
I told Mr. and Mrs. Sterling that, as parents, it is natural to have certain expectations and hopes for our children. However, it is important to understand that our children's gender identity is not something that can be controlled or changed. Shirley may identify as transgender, meaning that his gender identity does not align with the sex he was assigned at birth. This is not a choice, but rather a fundamental aspect of who he is. It is important to accept and support Shirley's gender identity, as denying or rejecting it can have negative impacts on their mental health and well-being. Their love and acceptance as parents are crucial in helping Shirley feel loved and accepted for who he truly is.

Mr Sterling
As the nanny gave her views that Shirley was born in the wrong body, I decided to put my foot down as I said to her, “ Listen to me, nanny. I have hired you to take care of my child, not to influence their beliefs and identity. I will not accept my son, Shirley, being transgender or even 'girly' because it goes against nature. It is not normal, and I will not allow it. As a father, it is my duty to protect my child and guide them towards what is right and natural. I refuse to let society's twisted ideas of gender confuse my child. I will do whatever it takes to prevent this from happening, even if it means finding a new nanny who shares my beliefs. Understand that I will not tolerate any attempts to change my child's gender.”

Shirley
I could hear the adults fighting downstairs. I was in my bedroom and started practising ballet. Once again, I had a smile on my face. I stood up to my new parents by saying that they would not be allowed to cut my hair. I know who I am and will not let anyone tell me who I should be. What difference does it make as long as I am happy and hurt no one? When I tried to be the boy they wanted, I was becoming a version of myself that I did not like. I was becoming an angry bully who was hurting others. I would not do this again. Maybe they do not want me to be girly, but I will do things that make me happy. Now I was practicing ballet in my room, and that made me happy.

Nanny
So I was warned that if I supported Shirley, they would find a nanny who would. This frightened me. Shirley needs someone like me by his side. Shirley needs someone who understands him. One thing I do know: Shirley should not be living here or getting adopted by people who do not understand him.

Orphan Petal

October 2023 - Part 4

Should Shirley be in this family?

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
When some people get married, there are often stories that the bride is comfortable with her husband's bad sides. They think they can change their husband. The bride thinks she can mould him into the perfect husband. This is doomed to failure, as often it will not work. The thing is, why do we want to change people? We all have our good sides and bad sides. I think that in the last episode of “Orphan Petal,” it was said, “As long as we do not hurt others.” This is a good life philosophy. I am also proud of Shirley. He was unhappy with his new home and went back to his old ways of being a bully. Now it seems as if he wants to be himself and let people accept him for who he is. This can only mean that some sparks will fly. Will Shirley have enough courage to show who he is, and if he does, will the Sterlings accept it?

Shirley:
Things have been weird the last week when the Sterlings were told that I was girly before they met me. I decided I did not want to be angry and become a bully like I once was. When I was alone, I would dance ballet. I made homemade dolls from socks. They looked nothing like dolls, but it's good that I have a good imagination. Nanny has seen this side of me but never seen the Sterlings. I think that the Sterlings do not want to understand me. They decided not to accept me for who I was but to try and change me. Mr. Sterling is very demanding and not a man you can speak with. Mrs. Sterling has been kind to me and has tried to spend more time with me. Mrs. Sterling confuses me. I do believe she has a heart and wants to love me. I also think that she doesn’t want to stand up to her husband; that is a dominating idiot. One day, Mrs. Sterling gave me a present. When I opened it, it was a cowboy Halloween costume. She explained that it would soon be Halloween. My heart dropped when I saw the costume. I did not want to be a cowboy. Still, I know Mrs. Sterling is trying. I managed to smile and hug her.

Susan:
Shirley visited the orphanage today. He wanted to apologise to me for the way he was starting to be a bully and ignoring me. I tried to ask him how life was with his new family and when this trial period was over. Shirley did not want to speak a lot about his family or what it was like there. Shirley just wanted to talk about how we were doing here at the orphanage. He was smiling and wanted to hear everything. Shirley had a huge smile when I told him that his room was still empty. While I was fixing his hair into braided pigtails, I was thinking that Shirley did not want to talk about his new family because he was not happy. I tried asking him again about the family, but he refused to talk about it. This is typical Shirley, bottling things inside him. I hope that my assumptions that he is not happy are wrong.

Jason:
Shirley visited the orphanage today. He is back to normal and not such a bully at school anymore. Well, he has changed. Shirley is no longer pretending that he is a girl. He looks like a boy, except he has long hair. I still do not understand why he wanted to wear girly clothes and pretend to be a girl. I may be gay, but only Austin knows this. I could never be a sissy like Shirley was at one stage. I am a boy, and I am proud and comfortable with this. Maybe Shirley has found out that he is glad to be a boy. It means he does not stand out, and people do not whisper behind his back. In the long run, it's easier to be the person that you were born as.

Susan:
When Shirley left the orphanage, I spent a lot of time in bed thinking about him. I went and told Aunty what I thought. I told her that Shirley is not happy, and I think that it could be that he is not very happy with his new family. Aunty shrugged her shoulders and said that Shirley had made the decision that he wanted to be adopted by this family. “Shirley has made his own bed, and he must now sleep in it.” I did not understand, Aunty. I told her that this is a trial period, and Aunty and Mr Dickens still have a responsibility to make sure that this is the right family to be in. If Shirley is not happy in this family, then Aunty will have some responsibility for ruining his life. I can see that Aunty was becoming frustrated. She told me that I was only a child, so what did I know? I was told that it takes time to get used to a new family. Shirley would be fine. I stomped back to my room, thinking that at times, children were more wise than adults.

Mrs Sterling
I realised something lately. Shirley never smiles. Sometimes I hear him laughing when he is alone in his room. I am not allowed to come in. I have tried to spend more time with Shirley. This is a nightmare. He never smiles and agrees with everything I say. It is like that; it is a chore for him to be with me. I spoke with my husband about this. “Shirley is not happy here. Maybe it's because he is transgender and we are not allowing him to do what he wants and wear what he wants.” I was thinking that if Shirley is transgender, we should support him and not make his life hell. My husband gave me the speech that Shirley was born a boy, and this is how we should treat him. It is immoral to treat Shirley as anything else. As parents, we would be destroying his life. My husband warned me that Shirley would end up as some drag queen dancing in sleazy bars. After I spoke with my husband, I could see his point. It's important that Shirley is happy, but it's also important that he has a good future and is not immoral. Shirley would get used to his life here and find happiness.

Austin:
Shirley visited Logan and me today. I have forgiven Shirley for the time that he told everyone that I am gay. However, there are still some bad feelings I cannot agree with. I consider Shirley a little brother who can be sweet and fun while at the same time ruining my life. Logan and I talked about how our lives were here. I am happy to be Logan's brother. Logan is so caring and always so kind. Logan is a saint. I even accepted that Logan is a girl in his heart and mind. Logan is my sister! Shirley would not talk about his new family. I noticed that Shirley did not call his new parents “mom” or "dad." He called them Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. I pointed this out and told him he does not consider them his parents. Shirley is on trial, and he should consider whether he is happy with his new family.

Logan:
Shirley wants to be loved. He lost his parents in a car crash. He did not survive in a foster home. He wants this new family to accept him, and Shirley is now so submissive. I told Shirley that he was not happy. Everyone can see this. This is why he was a bully once again and why he looks so sad. It's also why he does not want to talk about his family. I asked Shirley what is more important: being loved for someone who he is not or being happy with the person that he is. What is more important? Shirley making others happy, or Shirley being happy? I told Shirley that he needed to find out what makes him happy and be this person. Of course, everyone knows the answer. I did not tell Shirley the answer. He needs to discover himself.

Nanny:
I cannot stand seeing a child be unhappy and not accepted for who they are, even if this gets me fired from my job. When Shirley came home today, I told Mr. and Mrs. Sterling that Shirley was going for a walk. His parents did not know this, but I took Shirley to ballet. Shirley was worried and told me that he would get in trouble. I smiled and said what his parents did not know would not hurt them. It took some time for Shirley to relax, however, the fun of ballet took over, and Shirley was once again having fun and smiling. I must also admit that Shirley is a talented dancer, and it was so good to see Shirley have such a good time. On the way home, Shirley told me that he still felt bad that he was keeping a secret from Mr. and Mrs. Sterling. I told him he already practices ballet when they do not look, and he pretends to play with dolls, which the Sterlings did not know. It's hard to keep secrets from others and not be advised, but it's also hard to not do what you love doing.

Bella:
You may remember me from “the teenage years of Allie Horten.” I was the best friend of Allie, whom Aunty manipulated into being more girly. I did not like Aunty at the time, as I thought that she caused Allie more problems than any teenager should have. Over the years, I have forgiven Aunty and visited her once in a while. Today I visited Aunty, and she seemed very depressed. I joked and asked her how many boys she had convinced were transgender at the child's home. Aunty had tears in her eyes when she told me about Shirley. Aunty complained that she invested so much time and care into the boy, and now he was being adopted. At first, I did not know what to say. It seems that Aunty does have a heart. I told Aunty that she had to admit to herself that Shirley meant a lot to her. Aunty has to admit that she does not want Shirley to be adopted. She wanted Shirley to be with her. Aunty admitted all this and said that it also hurt her that Shirley was not happy with his new family. I told Aunty she knew what to do. I also advised that Aunty do what was best for Shirley.

Nanny
Shirley was given a cowboy costume for Halloween. One thing for sure is that Shirley does not want to dress up as a cowboy. I want this Halloween to be special for Shirley. So I gave him a present when we were alone in his room. It was a princess costume. Shirley was crying when he opened the present. At first, he said it was so pretty. Then he said he could not wear it. He did not want to disappoint Mrs. Sterling after she gave him a present. He did not want to keep more secrets from the Sterlings. I can understand this. Shirley is a loyal child who wants to please his new parents. I told Shirley that he now had a choice of being a cowboy or a princess. It was he who had to choose. He had to wear what he wanted. If Shirley did pick the princess costume, people would love him for who he is and not his choice. It is the same if he wanted to dress as a cowboy.

Mr Dickens
I always considered myself professional in my work. I think this is why things are becoming so hard for me now. I am confused. I will tell you why. I am finding out that I have feelings for Aunty. I mean the romantic feelings. I want to ask Aunty out on a date. I have not done that yet, nor do I plan to. I cannot allow romance to interfere with my work. This is so hard, as every time I am around Aunty, my heart beats like crazy.

Shirley
I decided to be a princess for Halloween. It would be another secret that I had to keep. I looked at the cowboy costume and then the princess costume. The Sterlings were at work, so they would not be home. I could trick or treat in peace. Nanny did my hair; it took her ages to do this. I did not recognise myself when I looked in the mirror. I looked like a real princess. I went trick-or-treating as a princess. It was so much fun. I was so happy, and I felt like this was one of the best experiences of my life. Nanny asked me if I was happy. I gave Nanny a huge smile and told her I was so happy. I made my own choice to be a princess for Halloween, and I was proud that I made a choice that made me happy.

Mrs Sterling
My husband and I were working late. On our way home, we saw some children trick-or-treating. I knew that Shirley would be doing this and was looking for a boy dressed as a cowboy. I could not see Shirley. Then my husband saw Shirley and asked, Why is Shirley dressed as a princess? I nearly had an anxiety attack. I purchased him a cowboy costume. Of course, my assistant bought it, but it was a gift from me. There was no doubt that the princess was Shirley. Even his nanny was standing beside him. My husband was outraged. He was shouting and screaming that there was no hope for the boy; he had been corrupted. He finished by saying, “When we get home, I do not even want to look at him. I am calling Mr. Dickens and telling him Shirley will no longer be living with us. I can only tolerate so much!”

Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 1

Shirley is back at the child's home. He hoped things can be the way the once were

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
Welcome back to “Orphan Petal," the documentary that follows the life of Shirley, who is an orphan. It is my job to remind you of what has happened so far. Shirley is an orphan, and when he moved into the orphanage, he found that he was happier living, dressing, and acting as a girl. This was a big change from the bully and arrogant boy that he was before he came to the orphanage. Why was he suddenly a “sissy boy?" Was it because this is who he is, or was it to get acceptance from Aunty? Shirley was given a trial period with a family that could not accept his feminine ways. Shirley was told he was born a boy and nothing else was acceptable. Shirley was not happy about this, and when he dressed as a princess for Halloween, they were very upset. Let us see what happens next.

Shirley
Mr. and Mrs. Streling called me down to the kitchen for a talk. I could see that Mr. Sterling was furious. He did not say a word. It was his wife who talked. They knew that I dressed up as a princess for Halloween, and they found this unacceptable. Then she told me what I had been dreading. She told me that the trial period with them was not a success. They decided that they would not adopt me and that I would be sent back to the orphanage. I felt faint when they said this and started crying and pleading for me to stay. I promised that I would do everything they said and would be the best boy in the world. Mr. Sterling finally said something: “We do not want you! You are a freak and corrupt. You are a boy with twisted desires to be a girl. You will be sent back to the orphanage tomorrow. I do not want a faggot-sissy son! We do not love you!”

Dickens:
I was called to the Sterling's house to take Shirley back to the orphanage. When I was driving to the Sterlings, I was so mad at Shirley. How could he ruin a good chance like this to be adopted into a good and wealthy family? However, when I spoke with Mr. Sterling about what he told Shirley, I was now mad at him. Shirley is a strange boy, but he is still a child and is finding his identity. No one should insult a child the way Mr. Sterling has done. It's inexcusable to call a child a freak. I could see I made a mistake sending Shirley here. I was thinking of getting rid of Shirley and the donations the Sterlings would bring to the orphanage. I told Sterling my thoughts, which he, of course, did not understand. I was very blunt in telling him that I would do everything in my power to make sure he would never adopt a child again.

Shirley
I was now back at the orphanage in my old girl's room. My girl clothes were still there, as were my dollhouse, bed, and toys. When I was in the Sterlings and they forced me to be more of a boy, I missed this room so much. Now that I was standing here, I was not so sure. I was not smiling and didn’t know why I was not as happy as I should have been.

Aunty
Shirley should never have been sent on a trial with a family, especially not the Sterlings. He just lost his parents; he tried being in a foster family, but that did not go well, and since he came here, he has been discovering a side of him that he never knew that he had. Sending Shirley to a foster family seems wrong and a bit hasty. I heard that Dickens agreed to the trial adoption because of the prospects that the Sterlings would donate to the child's home. It seems as if money was put before the welfare of a child. Dickens is not alone to blame. I kept quiet and did not say a word. I buried my head in the stand. It is easy to look back, see the mistakes we made, and get wiser. Who knows what is going through Shirley's mind? It's now that he needs adults to support him and tell him that he is wanted.

Jason:
It was me who suggested to the Sterlings that they should adopt Shirley. A part of me wanted Shirley's girly ways to be exposed and shunned by his new family. This has happened. If I was looking for revenge, then it worked. Shirley is back. Since he came back, he has been in his room and has not shown his face. I expected him to be wearing his sissy dresses again. The few times I have seen him, he just wore clothes like overalls or leggings. They were more unisex clothes than girly. He has not said anything. It's no secret that I do not like Shirley, but we did agree that we would be civil with each other. I wanted to say something to him, but it probably would not have helped. I would probably have told him that no parent would want to adopt a sissy boy. I am proud of myself that I kept my mouth silent. A part of me thinks it's good that he now knows that he is weird. Another part of me thinks that it is all my fault that Shirley had to go through this.

Shirley:
I wish everyone would just forget about my time with the Sterlings. The fact is that I did not like it there, and they did not like me. Should life not move on? When I came back here to the Genesis home, I was sad that it didn’t work out, but that is life. The thing is, when I came back here, I just wanted to get back to the way things were. This is not happening. I am being reminded every day about the failure of the trial period. I can see the way people look at me. Some have faces that show sympathy, while others have expressions that are like, “I told you so." I have been trying to keep a low profile. I have not even dressed as girly as I used to. At school, I even wear the boy's uniform. I was bullied at school when I was at the Sterlings because I was considered a rich brat. Now I am being teased by others, telling me I am a failure and no one loves me. Some even told me that no one could love a boy who likes dressing and acting like a girl. The thing is, when I got back to Genisi's home, I was sad that it did not work out with the Sterlings, but I just wanted my old life back. Now I don’t feel like I can do this.

Austin:
Shirley and I spoke over the webcam today. He is back at the child's home. He told me that it did not work out with the Sterlings. They wanted him to be more boyish, and when he dressed as a princess for Halloween, that was the last draw for them. Shirley told me he was okay with coming back at first. However, now he feels that he just isn't suitable for a family. Shirley was sure that he would be an orphan for the rest of his life. The foster family did not want him, and now the Sterlings do not want him. He has been hearing a lot that no one would ever want a boy who likes dresses, dolls, and ballet. The chat was so hard. Shirley was in tears, and I hate when people cry. To me, Shirley has many flaws and sometimes is very annoying, but deep down, he is a boy who just wants to be loved. This chat was over my head. I did not know what to say. The only thing I could say to him was that Logan is transgender and that he is loved. I could see from Shirley's face that this did not help. He did not even respond, except by saying he was going to bed. Did I fail him?

Susan:
I am probably the only person who is happy that Shirley is back. I missed him so much. Now he is back, so things can go back to the way they were. This has not happened. Shirley is being teased and bullied at school. In the past, he would be the one bullying others, or when he was bullied, he would fight back. This is not happening now. Shirley goes around with his head lowered as he is ashamed of something. I tried speaking with him. Shirley gives one-word answers and is smiling less and less. It's a bit hard for me to understand. The others at school don’t tease me; they just ignore me. I think that this is worse. At times, I would love even to be teased. It would feel like I was not invisible. For now, I have to try my best to be there for him as a friend. It's not easy to see Shirley hide more and more as if he were in a cacoon. It is hard to understand why and what I can do to help Shirley.

Jason:
I have been trying to turn over a new leaf and try to be nicer to others. Since I have done this, I have noticed how screwed up the world is. I have been seeing the news more and more, and it has been depressing. There is so much hatred and fighting in the world, and so many people can't even speak with each other. In a way, I am glad Dickens spoke to me and convinced me to try to treat others better. Since then, Austin and I have become friends, and I am not so angry. I do not want to end up like them, who are in the news. After saying all this, it can be hard to be nice all the time and try to understand people. Shirley is so hard to understand. He has the ability to always be the centre of attention. All the drama is centred around him. Now he doesn’t even stand up for himself. Does he not realise that it's all his fault? It's like karma. He wants to be a sissy, and that means he gets attention from people who do not understand it. Shirley wants to be weird and not accept the consequences. I will do my best to ignore it all and concentrate on myself.

Aunty
I have not spoken with Shirley since he came back. To be honest, I want to take him in my arms and hug him to tell him that everything is okay again. I try to tell myself that it should be him who comes to me, and we can take it from there. Shirley is most likely trying to forget his experience with the Sterlings. He can now be himself and wear the clothes that he wants. He does not have to wear boy clothes anymore. Maybe it's bad that I have not spoken with Shirley yet. Maybe everything I just said is just an excuse because I do not know what to say to him. In a way, I do not want to get close to Shirley again only to see that another family wants to adopt him and he will be leaving again. Maybe I am just trying to protect myself.

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley is now starting to visit me again. Aunty suggested that we start the puberty blockers again. Shirley just shrugged his shoulders and showed me his arm. There was not the usual panic about a needle. At least Shirley is now back in the treatment that he needs to be the transgender child he wants to be. This being said I could not see the Shirley that I once knew. What happened to Shirley? What did that family do to him? I asked Shirley to tell me about the Sterlings. It was not a good tale, and I asked Shirley what came to my head first if he thought he was a failure. For the first time, Shirley looked at me with his puppy eyes and then looked down at the ground. I tried explaining that he was not a failure and that it was the Sterlings who had a problem. I do not think that he was listening.

Mr Dickens
I do not understand people at times. Today, Mr. Sterling sent me a message saying that he wants to adopt Jason. I told him, in a very blunt way, that this would not happen. I do not care about how much he can donate to the child's home or how powerful he is. The way that he treated and spoke to Shirley was unforgivable. That man should not be around children. Some people have the nerve. He is a rich and powerful man, but money cannot buy you everything, especially the ability to adopt.

Shirley.
I have found out that everyone is right. It was my fault that my parents died. I was sent to a foster home, and they didn’t want me. The Sterlings did not want me because I am not a normal boy. At school, they think I am weird. Aunty has kept her distance from me. I am not normal. I must be a freak. I am a failure.

Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 2

Shirley feels like he can never be loved

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
It must be depressing to follow what is happening in “Orphans Petal” now. It's so sad and, at times, depressing to think about what Shirley is going through. I had parents who loved me. I knew that I was loved and cherished. Imagine what it feels like for Shirley, who has not survived a foster home or a trial period to get adopted. He said to himself that he felt like a failure. Shirley is going through a lot. He is finding his identity, and he wants to be loved. This is a lot for a child.

Shirley:
I do not know what is happening to me. I started wetting myself again, even during the day. So it's back to diapers for me. I even started using my pacifier. Who knows why I am doing this all of a sudden? It's probably best to not try to think too much about it. I am already sad enough. Everyone thinks I deserve not to be loved because I am trying to be something I was not meant to be. The shrink asked me if I thought I was a failure. The fact that she thought this meant that she must have considered it herself. It doesn’t matter; the record speaks for itself. No one wants me. Aunty has even been avoiding me. Now that I am starting to act more like a baby again, it just adds to the fact that I am too strange for anyone to love.

Susan
Shirley has regressed again and is now once again wearing diapers full-time and using baby things. It was his choice before when he started wetting himself on purpose, but now it is not his choice. It seems like he is struggling with so many things that he is giving up. Even his body is giving up. It does not help that he is being teased at school because the others noticed he is wearing diapers. I did my best today as Shirley's friend. I told him I was going to do his hair. So I put in some braids. He did not protest about this. Shirley did protest when I gave him one of my old dresses. He told me that he did not want to wear dresses. Otherwise, Shirley did not say much. That was OK; I did enough talking for us. At one stage, Shirley smiled and told me he loved when I spoke and spoke like a podcast. After I finished his hair, he hugged me and told me that at least one person in this world liked him. It was so sad when he said this.

Shirley
I missed Aunty and wanted to speak to her. Aunty has helped me a lot before, and I need her now. It's horrible to be sad and so unsure and insecure about oneself. As I was walking around the children's home corridors today, trying to avoid everyone, I passed the office door. I heard Dickens and Aunty speaking. It wasn't my fault that the door was open. Dickens was telling Aunty that the Sterlings wanted to adopt Jason. They didn’t like me because I wasn't boyish enough for them. Now they want to adopt a boy who was very macho and, at times, could be mean to others. Jason is gay, and I bet the Sterlings would not approve of this. Maybe being gay is not as bad as being a sissy. I did not listen to what else Dickens and Aunty were saying. I just wanted to hide, as now it was more depressing to know that Jason was easier to love than I was.

Jason
I went to visit Austin today. We have become good friends, and this is something that I like. I know that he has homosexual tendencies, and he knows that I do. However, we do not talk about it. We have better things to talk about, and besides, I am too young to take the step towards any romance. Austin and I had the same interests. He likes the same music as me, the same sports, the same movies, and the same clothes. Austin is nicer than me, and he has more patience than I do. It is strange how things work in life. I used to bully Austin a lot, and now we are best friends. Since I have done my best to become a better person, I have found that life offers more blessings when I am nicer. Austin's friendship is an example of this.

Susan
It is so hard to see a friend suffer so much. It is obvious that Shirley is feeling very sad and does not believe in himself anymore. He hardly says a word and always looks like a lost puppy. I must be losing my patience, as today, when we were watching TV in the common room at the children's home, I snapped at him and told him that he was not the only one who had problems. No one here at the child's home has parents. At least he had a chance to try being with a family, even if it was for a short time. I have never tried being in a family since I came here, and I doubt I ever would be in a family. I said this to Shirley, so maybe he would think of others. I told him that he could either choose to sulk or make the best of it. I do not think that Shirley liked anything I said; he gave me one of his disapproving looks.

Dickens
I heard the outburst in the TV room, and this made me think. Often, the world forgets the many orphans in the world. Even in our country, which is a first-world country, we have so many orphans. What is it like for a child to live in an institution and not have the love and support that their parents will give them? It was sad that Susan had no hope of having a family. Susan can be right. It will be hard for her to get a family, especially since, in a few years, she will be a teen. Susan also seemed frustrated with Shirley. I spoke with Aunty about this and told her that Shirley needs her support. Aunty was quick to change the subject. This makes me think that Aunty may be feeling guilty. In some ways, she has influenced Shirley's need to act and dress like a girl. In a way, Aunty has made Shirley unadoptable.

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley came to visit me today. He is depressed, and he says he feels like a failure. He did not say much, but when Shirley did speak, it made me want to cry. At one point, Shirley said that he understood why people did not want or love him. I had to say something. So I told him that he has to accept who he is, and anyone who has a problem with this does not deserve to be with Shirley. I reminded Shirley that when he tried his best to be a boy at the Sterlings, he was unhappy and felt like he was not being true to himself. I reminded him how happy he was when he decided to go against the Sterling's wishes and be a princess for Halloween. When Shirley did this, he knew that he was not meant to be like other boys. Shirley then decided that he was transgender and happy about this. Just because the Sterlings do not want him does not mean that he is a failure or cannot be loved. It's the Sterlings that need to look in the mirror. Being transgender does not mean you are a bad person. So I told Shirley that what he needs to do is look in the mirror and accept who he is. Shirley is transgender. This is what makes him special.

Shirley:
I hide in my room all the time now. I don’t even play with my dollhouse. I do not wear the dresses and skirts that I once loved. I have not gone to ballet. I feel like my emotions have been on a rollercoaster. I was so happy when the Sterlings wanted me. I was unhappy when they could not accept me for the way I am. I was delighted when I put my foot down and decided I was a sissy boy. Since I came back to the children's home, everyone has been giving me strange looks, and I know what they think. They think I am a freak and don’t deserve to have parents. The shrink just wants me to hold my head high and accept it. She is right, but I can't stop thinking about why I cannot just be normal. Why do I have to be a boy who likes dressing and acting like a girl?

Aunty
Susan talked with me today. She told me that she was very worried about Shirley. I shrugged my shoulders and told Susan that Shirley would get over it. He will be his smiling, chirpy self once again. Susan did not agree. She thought that I was the most important person in Shirley's life, and he needed me now. I was about to defend myself when Shirley told me that she read the diary my nephew wrote (the teenage years of Allie Horten), and Susan noticed that I ignored Allie when he needed me the most. I did not protect Allie when his grandmother moved in. Susan asked me, Will I do the same with Shirley? Will I just let Shirley deal with his problems, or will I be a caring adult who shows Shirley I care for him? At times I really want to slap Susan; she knows which buttons she should press to annoy someone.

Shirley
Jason is back to his normal evil person again. Today, he stopped me in the hallway and started yelling at me. Jason told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking I was the only one with problems. According to Jason, I have a worse problem than thinking I look better in a dress. He said I do not care about other people, and I think that the world revolves around me. There are other children here, and maybe I should start thinking about them and not always feel so sorry about myself. I lost my temper and told Jason that he was just mad because Dickens refused to allow the Sterlings to adopt him. Jason had a confused look on his face, so I told him everything that I heard Dickens tell Aunty. Jason went white when I said this and stormed off.

Susan:
Shirley may be mad at me because of my outburst the other day. I think Shirley is mad at the whole world. Aunty may not help him, but I will do my best to help Shirley when he needs it the most. Today I asked Shirley if we should not start ballet again. He must admit that he loves dancing, and it will give him something to distract him. Shirley just shrugged his shoulders and said he was not in the mood to dance. I just sighed and left him alone. There are times when I ask myself why he is my best friend, as I just want to shake him until he wakes up. I wish that there could be something to do. Maybe he likes being like this, a sulking child. At any rate, there is only one person who can help him at the end, and that is Shirley himself.

Jason:
Shirley told me that Dickens is not allowing the Sterlings to adopt me. I stormed into his office and told him what I knew. Dickens explained that it was his responsibility to give me a good home, and the Sterlings did not deserve to have children. Then he told me I was not old enough to decide that. This upset me, and I shouted at him that it was my life and I should have a say. Every child, no matter how old they are, should have a say, and I am now a teen, not a baby. It seems like Dickens understood me when he asked me if I wanted to be adopted by the Sterlings. I told him that I did not know.

Austin:
I visited Shirley today and could see how sad he was. There was no life in him, and he looked like he hated himself and the world. I told him that sometimes he could be so annoying. He was creating problems where there were none. “You think that no one can love you because you are different from other boys. Maybe the Sterlings could not accept this, but they cannot make you someone you are not. It's them who are discriminating and bigot-minded. You can be girly and still be happy. You were before. You could be girly and still be loved. Look at Logan, who is transgender; he is loved and has many friends. You had friends that still remained friends, even when you started wearing a girl's uniform at school. The only reason they are bullying you is because it suits you to believe what they say. Maybe you like being sad and depressed because it gives you attention. The only way you will get people to love you is if you start loving yourself.”

Aunty
I thought a lot about what Susan told me. I did not support Allie when he needed me to be most. Shirley needed me now. I went into Shirley's room and sat on his bed next to him. We did not say anything and just sat there. I put my hand around Shirley and he rested his head on me. I decided I would not let Shirley down, I will be there and help him heal.

Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 3

Shirley knows who he is

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
Sometimes, when we can't help a person who won't listen to our advice, it can be so frustrating. Everyone seems to be offering advice to Shirley and thinks he is being very selfish when dealing with his feelings and emotions. Shirley does have flaws. He indeed finds it hard to think about other people. He is also a very sensitive child and can be unsure about himself. When you think of it, Shirley has undergone major changes in his life in the last year. Shirley is at a crossroads in his life now. He must find his identity, and what's more important, accept it.

Jason
The Sterlings wanted to adopt me first until I suggested that they adopt Shirley. He did not work out because they didn’t want a boy who thought he was a girl. If they had adopted me first, then none of the drama we are experiencing with Shirley would have happened. I would have been some rich people's son now. I would never have to save up for a computer game again. I am mad that I do not have a choice about whether I want to be adopted or not. Why do adults think that they always know better? I am a teen! This would be my last chance to have a family. Let's face it, I am not the world's best child, and at times I feel like Satan is my dad. This being said I am unsure if I want the Sterlings to adopt me. I heard the way they treated Shirley, and what would they think if they knew I was gay? I do not want to get hurt the way that they hurt Shirley. Maybe it was for the best that Dickens put his foot down for the adoption.

Susan:
Shirley is starting to speak a lot more again. That is a good thing. It must be exhausting to be like a sour grape all the time. He told me that Aunty is now helping him with his diaper changing, although Aunty does not say much. Shirley doesn’t care that Aunty does not say much; he is just happy that Aunty is now noticing him. I wanted to tell Shirley that he always thinks too much of Aunty and shouldn’t seek her approval or attention so much, but this did not seem like the best time to do that. The thing is that Shirley seems to be a little bit happier, and that's all that counts.

Aunty
I have been helping Shirley with his diaper changes. He does not seem to mind that he has to wear them again. In fact, he does not seem to mind that he is also using his pacifier a lot. Shirley also puts a chair against his bed, so it looks like he is making his own cot. Is this happening because he needs some security, or maybe he loves diapers and being like a baby? Now is not the time to discuss it. Shirley needs love, support, and security. When Shirley can see that he got these basic needs from others, he will not need to substitute them with diapers or baby things. The baby things may seem weird for a child his age, but they can develop into something much worse. How many turn to drugs and other vices because they feel alone in this world? Some even become suicidal. I do not want Shirley or any other child here to feel alone.

Allie:
For those who do not know me, I am Allie, who released my diary called “The Teenage Years of Allie Horten." Aunty started treating me like a girl, and slowly I accepted that I was genderfluid. It was not right in the way that Aunty manipulated me, but I have forgiven her. I still visit her at times, and I can see that she has changed a lot. When I visited her today, she told me about Shirley and the troubles that Shirley was going through. Shirley was surprised when he saw me. He read my diary and told me that I was a hero to him. As I spoke to Shirley and listened to what he was going through, he reminded me so much about me. Shirley seems so fragile, and I wondered if I was as fragile as he is now. I told Shirley that he knows deep down who he is. It does not make a difference what gender identification he has. What matters is that he accepts it and is proud of the person he is. Shirley had to learn that everyone would have an opinion about him. Some will even be critical, and they may even think he is strange. The secret is not to make them destroy his spirit but to remember that God has given him a unique personality, identity, and place in the world.

Aunty
It was so nice that Allie visited today and even wanted to speak with Shirley. I understood that I had nearly destroyed his life. I always disliked boys and persuaded Allie that he was a better girl than a boy. This confused him and caused so many problems. I apologised to Allie about what I did when he was young. Allie appreciated the apology and assured me that everything turned out for the best. Allie did have one request: that I not do the same with Shirley. He suggested that I would be there for Shirley, but let Shirley find his own identity. Allie wants me to support Shirley even if Shirley discovers that being girly is only a phase. I did not reply to this. I liked that Shirley is girly, and I hope I will like him just as much if he were boyish.

Susan
Shirley said something strange to me today. He nearly begged me to always be his friend and never leave him alone in this world. I didn’t say anything for a few minutes as I was thinking of the right thing to say. After a while, I gave Shirley my favourite stuffed animal and told him that we were best friends forever. Nothing could ever destroy this. We would be with each other through good and bad times. It also meant that we should be honest with each other and say things the way they are. I wanted to say a lot more to Shirley, such as how it hurts when he sometimes pushes people away from him. Sometimes he treats me like dirt, and that hurts. Maybe it's because he channels all his emotions onto me like a punching bag, knowing I will always remain his friend. For now, Shirley needed to know that I was always there for him.

Shirley
I went to visit my parent's grave today. In a way, I wanted them to speak to me and tell me what I should do. Then again, maybe this would be a bad idea. They would hate the idea that I have become so feminine and wimpy. My parents didn’t mind when I bullied others or was mean to others, as they thought that was part of being a boy. So after a while by the grave, I told them that I was no longer a bully. Now it's me who is being bullied at school. This is because I have accepted that I am a sissy boy. I like wearing girly clothes and acting like a girl. I know I am a boy, and I do not want a girl's body. This being said, being a sissy boy is who I am and what makes me happy. The Sterlings did not like it, and some at school may not like it. It does not make things better that I feel more loved and secure with a diaper on and acting like a toddler. People may think that being a sissy boy who acts like a toddler is weird and bad, but I do not think it's bad. It's who I am. If others do not like this, then they can just leave me alone.

Mr. Dickens
Jason was called into my office today. I have considered his situation a lot, especially since he told me that he is old enough to decide. So as he sat there, I reminded him that I thought that the Sterlings should not adopt any children. However, since Jason is now a teen, I agreed with him that he should be the one who decides if he wants to be adopted. The choice was his. Jason did not say much. Teens can be so confusing. Jason gets mad at me because he did not have a choice, and now when he gets a chance to do it, he remains silent. After some time, Jason said in a low voice that he would think about it. That seems like the wise thing to do. It's an important, life-changing decision, and Jason is right to consider it at length.

Aunty
Dickens is a good man, and I am no longer bitter that he got the job of running the children's home. He is good at his job and cares about the children. When Dickens first came here, he kept his eye on me like a hawk, as he did not trust me. Now, when he is around me, he is like a high school boy. Dickens always seems shy around me, stuttering and blushing. It does remind me of a high school boy who has a puppy-love crush. Of course, this cannot be true. We are adults and no longer need to act like high school students. One would think that he has a crush on me. I do not believe this. If Dickens loved me, he would say it, wouldn't he?

Shirley
I got a letter from Mrs. Sterling today, which was a surprise. She wrote that she felt bad about the way that I was treated and that she and her husband never tried to understand me. She defended her husband by saying that he is conservative and could not accept my girly ways. Then she wrote that she does miss me and that she knows I am a good person. Mrs. Sterling hoped that I would be happy and remain friends with her. I threw out the letter and decided that I would not even answer it. How can Mrs. Sterling even miss me, as she hardly had time for me when I lived with her? I do not need people like Mrs. and Mr. Sterling in my life.

Jason
Shirley was being bullied at school again. I do not understand why Shirley gets bullied. They accepted him before, even when he wore a girl's school uniform. Now people at school just find it like a sport to see who can bully Shirley the most. I had enough of it, so I stood up for Shirley and told the bullies that it was them who had the problem and not Shirley. Who cares what Shirley wears or how he acts? Shirley does not hurt anyone except himself. I warned the bullies that anyone who wants to bully Shirley has to come through me first. I am now taking on the role of Shirley's bodyguard and protector.

Dickens
Since I came here, I always thought Shirley got too much attention. It seems like the staff was always worried about him and talked about him. It has been my goal that we remember the other children here, and I think that this is happening. I can understand why Shirley is a favourite of the staff. His story is tragic, and he seems so fragile. Shirley is a sweet child who is cute and almost like a doll. His identity as a girly boy also seems to make him interesting. I will be honest; I do not understand his girly ways, especially since he doesn’t mind acting like a toddler. I suppose that the important thing is that Shirley is a good boy.

Shirley
Today I put on a winter dress. It was a lovely plaid dress, and I felt so pretty in it. I felt like myself when I wore it. Aunty even said that it was a pretty dress. Do I care that wearing a dress means that I will never have a family that loves me? Maybe this is true, but I chose not to believe it. Logan is transgender, and he is loved. There is someone in this world who can love me. I am sure about that.

Jason
This was a huge day in my life. The Sterlings visited me and told me that they wanted to adopt me. I remained quiet as they boasted about their nice home, their nice jobs, and how much money they had. After they finished telling me how happy I would be, I told them that I didn’t think they could love me. They could not accept that Shirley was different. Then I admitted that I was also different. I know that I am gay, and would they like a gay son? I could see that Mr. Sterling's face went white, and he told me that it was time for them to go. Mr. Sterling said that he would contact me again. I know what this means. He is no longer interested. After the meeting with them, I felt as if I had the courage that I never had. I wrote on social media that I am gay. Now the whole world knows.

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me again, and she seemed much happier than he was. Shirley was also wearing a dress and tights and had his hair in a ponytail. I asked Shirley what was different. Shirley shrugged his shoulders and said that it took too much energy to be sad. Then Shirley told me, “I am who I am." This made me proud of Shirley, and I reminded him that being transgender does not mean that you are not normal. We are each unique in our own ways, and there is no such thing as being normal. I am sure that someday Shirley will be adopted by a family that loves him. Shirley smiled and said that he already has a family. The orphanage is his family.

Logan
Austin seems to be very close to Jason. They talk every day and meet a lot. When Austin and I were doing our homework today, I told Austin that I think he is in love with Jason. Maybe Jason loves me as well, and this is why he announced to the whole world on social media that he is gay. Austin just blushed a bit but did not respond.

Shirley
I am who I am. Mom and Dad accepted that I was a bigoted bully when they were alive and did not notice I was never happy. When I was with the Sterlings and they tried to mould me into something I wasn't, I was not happy. I knew who I was when I decided to be a princess for Halloween. When I came back to the orphanage, I was sad because I felt so alone and felt as if everyone thought I was weird. Things are different now. I know who I am, and nothing can change this. I like being happy, and I like who I have become. I no longer care what others think. I am a sissy boy. I will keep my head high and be proud of who I am.

Orphan Petal

November 2023 - Part 4

Shirley knows who he is

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
Shirley has found himself. He accepts that he is happier as a transgender boy and a regressed child who wears diapers and likes to be treated as a toddler. It's a relief that Shirley is finding his identity. I still wonder what the motivation is. Is Shirley’s identity girlish and babyish because he wants to impress Aunty or others or because he likes attention? Is it Shirley's way to hide in another persona? Maybe this is just the way Shirley is and who he is. It makes me wonder: what will happen to Shirley if his girly ways are not who he is and are just a symptom of something else or just trying to be different or impressing others?

Austin:
Logan thinks I am in love with Jason. It's a bit strange when you think about it. Jason used to make my life hell. He was once one of my worst enemies, and now he is a good friend. I did not answer Logan when he said that. I think I may have blushed when he said this. I am also confused. Am I not too young to have a romantic partner? I know I am a teen, and some boys have girlfriends at my age. However, a part of my mind was saying that having a boyfriend in public at my age. This could also lead to trouble and unwanted attention. Still, Logan could be right. I do have feelings for Jason; I just do not understand these feelings.

Susan
Shirley is happy again, and once again, his sweet, playful self. He always asks me to dress up with him or play with his dollhouse. We also practice dancing. Shirley is not being bullied at school after Jason became his protector. I am delighted that Shirley is happy once again and not worrying or thinking too much. He is trying to be a child and have fun. I am worried if he will be accepted by others at school. Wearing girl clothes is one thing, and it seems like most people can accept that. After all, being LGBT+ is not frowned upon and is accepted by many. However, the others cannot understand why Shirley wears diapers and always has a pacifier close to him. I can understand in a way why others of my age think this is strange. We all want to act older and be older, while Shirley wants to act younger.

Aunty
I took Shirley and Susan shopping today for clothes. Shirley does not really need clothes, as he is still very small for his age. Susan is growing, so she could do with new clothes. She was a bit surprised that I invited her shopping, as she expected I would only want to shop with Shirley. It was a fun outing and a great break from the daily life we had. It was also a bit funny to see the difference between the two. They are the same age, yet so different. Susan did not want anything feminine, and she wanted clothes a teen would wear, even though she is only 11. Shirley, on the other hand, wanted feminine and cute clothes a toddler girl would wear. I did not try to influence their decision and let them choose the clothes that they wanted. It was a great trip to the shopping mall, and it was great to see them both happy and excited. They even laughed when a shopping assistant told me that I had two lovely daughters.

Shirley
Susan and I started ballet classes. Our dance teacher was delighted to see us back. She told us that we were practising for a ballet show we would do in December. I was so happy that I was once again dancing. I do not know why I stopped when the Sterlings did not want me. I promised myself that I would never stop dancing again. I feel so free when I am dancing. I feel like I am showing who I am and what I can offer the world. It helps that I am good at it and a fast learner. Now I can look forward to the ballet show that we will be having at Christmas. Starting ballet again reinforced what I have been learning lately… When I accept who I am and am not afraid to show the world this, then I am happy. When I try to be what society expects me to be, then I am unhappy and impossible to be around.

Dickens
Today I took a big step. I asked Aunty on a date. She agreed when I asked her, which shocked me. So we went to a fancy restaurant, and Aunty looked like a Hollywood star. As we ate, we talked about ourselves. We tried not to talk about work but used this chance to get to know each other. Aunty is a very interesting woman. She is a rich woman and does not have to work, yet she wants to do something good in her life. The date showed me one thing: how much Aunty and I can have a good time together. After the date, I knew that I had strong feelings for this woman and knew that I was in love with her. The thing is, I do not know how she feels about me. Time will tell.

Aunty
The date went very well, and Dickens is the nicest man I ever met. He told me that he had never experienced love in his life that lasted long. Dickens always wanted children, and that's probably why he chose to work with children. I am pretty much the same. I never trusted men. The date made me wonder why I never had children myself. I think I was very selfish in my younger days. I didn’t have patience with children and didn’t know how to be with them. When I think back on how I manipulated my nephew into being a sissy baby boy because I did not like boys, If I had children, I would ruin their lives, especially if I had sons. It made me think once again about Shirley. Would I pay as much attention to him if he were not so feminine? Does it make him more interesting that he likes dresses and does not mind being treated like a toddler?

Susan
Aunty is not the same person she was when I came to the child's home. Then she was a dominant woman who just ordered us around. It's like she was distant from us and didn’t care. I always felt she did not respect who we were and just told us how we should be and dress. I think she has changed so much. I could understand why she was so interested in Shirley. She likes feminine boys, and this makes Shirley interesting to her. Until now, Aunty has always kept her distance from me. This has changed. She took me shopping, which she had never done before. She has also started spending a lot of time with me, even when Shirley is not there. Aunty wants to listen to me and hear what is going on in my life. It's a bit strange that she spends so much time with me. I just wonder if I can trust Aunty. Can a person change so much, especially as an adult? Is she using me for some plan she has?

Shirley
Today I read an essay in class that seems to have provoked many. Here is an excerpt of what I wrote: “I have been called a bully before; I have been called a sissy; I have been called a baby. Some have even called me weird and a freak. Some have even said I do not deserve friends or to be loved. In the last year, I have learnt a lot about myself and the world. I used to be like, so many of you are listening to me now. I used to tease and bully others. Now I have tried to be on the other side and be the one who is bullied. I refuse to be a victim, and people can say what they want about me. I know I am different from other boys. I am more feminine, and at times I am more like a girl than a boy. I know it's not normal for someone my age to have to wear nappies and like using pacifiers and baby bottles. This does not make me a bad person. I do not want to hurt anyone. I just want to be myself and have a good childhood. So you can call me a sissy, baby, freak, or whatever you want. I will not be defined by what you call me. I will be defined by who I am and know that there is a place for me in this world and boys like me.”

Aunty
Dickens and I have been spending a lot of time together. The best is when we go on long walks together. We would talk about everything. Dickens is a good and interesting man, and I love being with him. I did realise something today. It happened as we were on one of our walks. We suddenly started holding each other's hands. I felt like I was on a cloud in heaven when we did this. I felt like a small school girl in love for the first time. My relationship with Dickens has become scary. I may be falling in love with my own boss. Any sane person would know that this is wrong. I should not mix a professional relationship with my boss with a romantic one. It would not end well and could harm the work that we are doing here at the orphanage. We can also end up hurting each other. The thing is that I cannot help the feelings that I have.

Shirley
Jason has been supportive lately. He has been protecting me at school from the bullies, and this has meant that school has not been so bad. Jason even commented that he thought the dress I was wearing was pretty. I believe that Jason is trying his best to be nice to me. I know he does not understand me the way I am and this is understandable. Jason is the definition of what dads want their sons to be like. He may be gay, but I don’t think people think that is worse than a boy like me wearing dresses and needing diapers. I tried to be nice to Jason today. I told him that we are all different and we should respect people's differences. The Sterlings wanted to adopt Jason, and I told Jason that I would not be bitter if he decided to agree to the adoption. Jason just shrugged his shoulders and said the Sterlings had not contacted him since he told them that he was gay.

Jason
You would think that it is Valentine's Day now. There are rumours that Dickens and Aunty were holding hands. Today, when Austin was visiting me, we were in the orphanage garden, sitting by some flowers. We were not saying much, and before I knew it, Austin and I were holding hands. When we looked at each other, we just blushed and said nothing about holding hands. We kept on holding hands. Romance is in the air, and I loved every minute of it. For me, holding hands was not some smoochy kind of thing. It was a sign that Austin and I now had a special relationship. I do not know if we could be called boyfriends or not. I am just happy that Austin is special to me.

Shirley
Susan and I practised ballet dancing today. I think it's so funny that she is not very good at it but tries her best. I did my best to help her by telling her how she should move. It was so much fun, and it was great that Susan and I could always have fun together. She may not have been good at dancing, but Susan was great at fixing hair. I never had a bad hair day when she helped me when she did my hair. I can't fix hair the way she does. When I do it, the hair looks like a wild bush.

Susan
I used to think I was in love with Shirley. That was just a phase. It could also have been confused feelings about how I felt about him. Now I know that I am not in love with Shirley. I consider Shirley to be my best friend for life. Shirley is more like a sister to me than anything else. He is like a sister who borrows my clothes and plays with my toys. Shirley is happy again, and that makes a difference. I hated when he was depressed and felt sorry for himself. Then he becomes impossible to be around. So I am going to enjoy being around him now while he is in such a good mood. I think that's why I consider him a sister. He is a blessing in my life, but at the same time, he can be so annoying and put my patience to the limit.

Dickens
Aunty and I have been spending a lot of time together. I know that we have feelings for each other. So I asked her if could we become a pair romantically. In the olden days, it was called courting. Aunty told me that she had to think about it. This saddened me, as it sounded like a rejection. Why did she not jump up and down in joy and let me take her in my arms? I tell you that at times, women can be so confusing. Men will never understand the way a woman thinks.

Austin
I was speaking with Logan and my mom today. She was so kind to adopt me, and I loved it here. I finally had a family that loved me, and I loved them. Shirley has been on my mind lately. He has hurt me a lot in the past but is forgiven for all he did. I still care for him and think that he deserves the happiness that I have. So at dinner, I casually asked Logan and Mom if it would not be a good idea that we adopted Shirley...

Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 1

Chistmas is coming and Shirley has never been happier

---

(pictures done by ai)

---

Doctor Mary
Life is full of changes, and it never stands still. I suppose that is what they call living. There is love in “Orphan Petal,” and who knows how this will end. How can anyone be in love with Aunty? Even Austin and Jason are in love. On top of that, the Sterlings want to adopt Jason, and it may appear that Dickens broke his promise that they would never be allowed to adopt again by giving Jason a choice. Shirley is now happy and full of life again, which melts my heart. Maybe he will have a good ending. Let's not forget Susan, the quiet girl that seems to be so important in people's lives.

Logan
Austin asked Mom and me if we did not think it would be a good idea to adopt Shirley. To be honest, I felt phantom pains in my arm where Shirley had broken it months earlier. Shirley has changed and is now the feminine boy that he once told people was wrong. Remember how he treated me because I am transgender? When he was my foster brother, he made my life hell and thought I was a freak. Now somehow he is a sissy boy himself, as I would not consider Shirley transgender, as he himself admitted that he is just a boy that wore dresses and liked doing girly things. I love Shirley and am happy he is a better person, and I have forgiven him. However, drama always accompanies Shirley, and that would disturb my quiet life. Mom must have felt the same as she said, while she hopes that Shirley is happy; she is pleased for the two children she has. This was Mom's polite way of saying “No way.”

Shirley
The Christmas ballet show is in a few weeks, and I have been practising very hard for it. I got the main role in the show, and I do not want to be a flop. It was the first time that the public would see me dancing, and I did not want to be an embarrassment. My ballet teacher told me not to worry as I was a natural dancer, and it seemed like it came easy for me. I just need to have faith in myself and trust in my talent as a dancer. I know I am a good dancer, but I also know that practice is important. Besides that, I love dancing. It's like I am in my own world and the troubles and worries are locked out. Dancing means freedom! The ballet teacher told me not to overdo it, but I do not think I am practising too much. I love dancing!

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me today, and he was happy. This made me happy as he told me that he now was wearing girl clothes all the time. Shirley went on to tell me that dresses were his best, as he loves the way they flow and make him look pretty. Shirley also loves tights, as he loves the way they feel on him. I smiled at Shirley and told him that I was happy that he now accepted his identity and was not afraid to be girly. However, he needs to be at peace with his decision. I gave him an example. Shirley needs to ask himself if he still blames himself for his parent's death and if he still feels ashamed that his parents would not agree with him wearing girl clothes and acting like a girl. Shirley told me that he tries not to think about his parents as he wants to be happy. I now knew that he would be thinking about them as I put the seed in his mind.

Aunty
What is happening to me? I am going on dates with Dickens, and I am now even looking forward to the next one. I have always thought that I only needed one person in my life, and that was me. Up to now, I did not need a husband and family, but now I have feelings that I do not understand. I have been in love before and have had feelings that made me feel good and special, but now these feelings are different. They are stronger and scary. I know that I am in love with Dickens, and I am afraid. I wish I didn’t have these feelings. I am scared!

Shirley
It's December, and I love Christmas. It is a special time of happiness, hope, and peace. Today made Christmas official as we decorated the orphanage. We found the dusty boxes of Christmas decorations. I was wearing a red dress that Susan gave me that looked like it came from some 1950 film. It was pretty and looked great with white tights. We spent all day decorating to make the orphanage look like a Christmas wonderland. Decorating puts everyone in a good mood, and that is what the orphanage needs. We need to forget all the problems that we have and just enjoy being children. Today was just that, where we smiled and laughed, and it was obvious that the Christmas spirit had invaded the orphanage. Even Jason was smiling!

Dickens
The Sterlings still want to adopt Jason. It still confuses me as to why they would want to adopt a child, as they do not know how to be with children or take care of children. They never spent time with Shirley, and they never accepted Shirley for who he was. They ended up sending Shirley back to the orphanage and nearly destroyed his self-confidence and his ability to hope. My gut tells me that the Sterlings should not adopt Jason; however, Jason is not the same as Shirley. Jason is a teenager, and in many ways, he is stronger and more confident than Shirley is. Maybe this will work. Whatever the case is, I told Jason that, as a teenager, he should be the one who decides if he wants to be adopted or not. I hope that Jason will look at the pros and cons and make a decision on what would be best for him.

Doctor Philomena:
Shirley visited me again today. There are two things that I noticed. The first thing I noticed was how much he looked like a girl. He was wearing leggings with a red skirt over them and a Christmas sweater. His hair was in pigtails with Christmas hair clips. Another thing I noticed was how happy Shirley is, and this is great when you consider how depressed he was a month ago. I am happy that Shirley has been getting puberty blockers, as this will stop any ugly male hormones from destroying things. Shirley has a lot of things to look forward to. He will have the main part in the ballet show, and this seems to take all his attention now. When I asked Shirley if he thought about his parents, he told me once again that he did not want to think about them. I told him that at some stage, he needed to heal the past and respect who he had become. Shirley did not listen too much to me; he talked a lot about the upcoming show and how much he loved Christmas.

Shirley
All my spare time is spent practising for the show. It's a lot of responsibility that I have as I will have the main role. On top of that, the main role is a girl role. Everyone knows I am a sissy boy, although some prefer to call it gender fluid, so me performing in a girl's role shouldn’t surprise anyone. Some around me thought that I was practising too much. They would ask me how I could practice so much and not have fun and play like any other child. Others would tell me that I was too ambitious and did not know how to have fun. Jason even commented on how much I practised by saying that he understood why I agreed to take the girl role in the ballet show and was practising so much as he thought that I loved being the centre of attention. I told you this before, and nothing has changed... I love dancing and practising. It is not work for me or a duty, as it is just as fun as playing. Ballet is something that I am good at. Why can I not spend my spare time doing something that I like? I think that practice was more of a duty for Susan. Let's face it, she is not a good dancer and seemed to be more frustrated than she liked. While I loved dancing, I do not know why Susan liked dancing. She tells me that she dances because I dance, which makes me feel a bit guilty.

Logan
Austin and Jason are spending a lot of time together. In private, they have confessed their attraction and love for each other but have decided to keep it a secret from others. I can understand this, as I remember how much Austin was bullied when people found out that he was gay. I understand why Jason wants to keep it a secret and not let others know that he is gay. Jason is very masculine and is very worried about his reputation. He likes being the tough kid and does not want others to think that he is weak. Austin and Jason are teenagers, and they can't help that they love each other. Others would not understand this, and if people found out how much they love each other, the two teenagers could become outcasts and even be bullied. It must be hard for them to keep it a secret, but they are happy together.

Jason
Mr. Dickens spoke with me today and told me that the Sterlings still want to adopt me and would like an answer. I was reminded that it would be me who would decide if I wanted to be adopted or not. Dickens reminded me once again why he did not think that they should adopt me. He reminded me of how they treated Shirley and how sad Shirley was when he came back to the orphanage. I told Mr. Dickens that I am not Shirley, and besides that, I am older and wiser than Shirley. Mr. Dickens smiled and asked me, Do I think the Sterlings would accept everything about me, even my faults and secrets that I have? When he said this, I blushed, as I was wondering if he knew about Austin and me. I told Mr. Dickens that I need more time to think, as this is an important decision.

Aunty
Mr. Dickens and I have been going on many dates. My favourite is when we go for long walks and simply talk about things. I will admit that I get some anxiety before every date, as I wonder if this was the day that he would propose marriage to me. Luckily, he has not done this yet. I know that I am in love with Mr. Dickens, and I am getting comfortable with the feeling of being in love with someone. I just hope he is not thinking of marriage, as I am happy with how things are at the moment. Why ruin something that works now?

Susan
Shirley loves dancing while I do not. I have two left feet and simply am not good at it. The idea of performing a show where I know that I will make a mess of things. Today I told Shirley that I am stopping with dancing. I thought he would be mad at me as dancing was something that we did together, and I quit when we were supposed to do a show in a few weeks. I told Shirley that dancing did not make me happy, and I hated it. Shirley just smiled and told me that he understood. This also means that I could cheer for him at the show. Shirley did ask if we could practice together, as it was fun practising with me. I agreed to this.

Austin:
Jason told me that he had to decide about being adopted by the Sterlings. He thought it was a good idea but was worried about what the Sterlings would say if they ever found out that he was gay. They would never accept this, and Jason knew that he could not change. Jason wanted my advice. I would never let the Sterlings adopt me, but I did not say it. I have told Jason that he had to listen to what his mind and what his heart and mind told him to do.

Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 2

Chistmas is coming...

---

(pictures done by ai)

Doctor Mary
Welcome back to “Orphan Petal." It's nice when everything is rosy and everyone seems so happy. Shirley is very happy and looking forward to his performance. Some people have noticed how much Aunty has changed. She has become less manipulating and selfish and is now in love. Miracles do happen. Let's see what will happen. Will there be peace and happiness that is best around Christmas time, or will Shirley attract unwanted drama?

Jason
I talked with Mr. Dickens today and told him that I would like to be adopted by the Sterlings. It was a decision that I was afraid to make up to now, as I did not want to be hurt like Shirley was. I am gay, and I even have a secret boyfriend. They would not like this if they knew, but they do not need to know everything. I am now a teen, and this is my last chance to get a family. What child does not want a family and to be wanted and loved? I am tired of being in an orphanage and being a statistic of a child that no one wants. So you see, the Sterlings may not be the best parents a child could wish for, but I am not perfect either. As the old saying goes, beggars can't be choosers. It is up to me to make the best out of the situation and find happiness with my new family.

Shirley
Why do things happen at the worst time possible? I have to perform at the show next week and need to practice all that I can. Now I can't do that as I am dying. Well, maybe that is exaggerating it a bit, but I am sick. I am coughing nonstop, and it's hard to breathe. I am hot one minute and cold the other minute. The only thing I can do is stay in bed surrounded by my stuffies. It's horrible being sick. My body seems to be giving up, and all I am worried about is that I will not be able to perform next week. I know I should probably think of my health first and not some ballet show, but this show is so important to me, and it would break my heart if I could not perform. It makes me think that sometimes God is trying to punish me.

Aunty
It's so hard to see Shirley in bed and so sick. The boy can hardly breathe, and when he does, he is having coughing fits. I had tears in my eyes when I saw him suffering in bed. I know what you will say—that I am a staff member and should not get emotional about one of the children. If it were a few years ago, I would not care. But let's face it, Shirley is very special, and I have a soft side for him. It's just hard for me to see him sick in bed. The boy could hardly breathe and was gasping for air. I told him that it was a chest infection and he would get better. Shirley managed to smile when I gave him a present of a new nightdress with a unicorn on it. It has frilly sleeves, which he loves. I bought the nightdress with my own money and did not use orphanage funds. I will get in trouble for this, as Dickens will consider it special treatment. I don’t care, as when Shirley smiled when he opened the present, then it was worth it.

Jason
Shirley is sick and once again getting all the attention. So I did my civil duty and offered to take Shirley's lunch to him. It was tough to see him in bed as he looked like he was a living corpse. Shirley did not eat anything, but I was grumpy and dominating enough to warn him to drink something. It was a strange visit, as I did not understand much of what Shirley was saying. When I did understand, he was being completely weird. He told me that if I wanted people to like me, I should try wearing dresses and being a sissy boy. Then he admitted that it takes some time to get used to being girly, but it gets easier. It would make me feel different and special, and people would give me a lot of attention. Shirley told me that I could try one of his dresses, although they may be too small for me as he is small for his age. What could I do after he said this except glare at him? I snapped at him and told him that I did not need the attention he got. I reminded Shirley that he is a boy and should not be wearing dresses and diapers and trying to corrupt others like me. I stormed out of the room and was so mad. Let's face it, Shirley is good at pressing my buttons and making me want to beat him up.

Susan
Shirley was getting his diaper changed when I visited him today. So he was in his bed in a nightdress with a diaper and pacifier in his mouth. I could understand that Shirley is feminine, but I will never understand why he wants to be treated like a toddler boy... or toddler girl. I did not talk with him about this, as there is a time and place for everything. I just sat down on his bed while he whined and felt sorry for himself. He was sure that he would not be able to do the show. In fact, this is all he talked about. I tried to be patient with Shirley and told him that there would be other shows and everyone gets sick when we least wanted it. This did not help much as Shirley started asking why he should get sick during the best month of the year. He thought it should be against the law to be sick around Christmas. I love Shirley, as he does say the funniest things at times.

Jason
Mr. Dickens talked with me today about the adoption. My time at the orphanage was coming to a close, and I would be getting a new family. Dickens asked why I did not look happy and told me that he knew that the adoption was a big step but that it should be a time of happiness and excitement. I told Dickens it has nothing to do with the adoption but more about Shirley. I used to be a bully and make people's lives hell, and I am happier now that I am a nicer person, but it's hard to not return to my formal self when I was with Shirley. I explained that I knew that Shirley was not faking his sickness, but he did love the attention. Dickens also heard that Shirley suggested that I should be a sissy boy and start wearing dresses, as he thought people would like me better. I am still mad about this, as I do not want to be treated like a baby or wear dresses. Dickens's only comment was to say “Interesting Shirley said this” and told me that being a sissy boy would not make me have more friends. It is a person's personality that people like, and I am a good person, and this is all that people want. I was happy that I had this talk with Dickens. He is not a bad man, and in many ways he is wise. It's not Dickens's fault that he is so old. One thing I will admit to is that he helped change my life for the better.

Shirley
I was told that the Sterlings are adopting Jason. I did not know what to think about this. It did not go so well with me, and I was a failure once again at being in a family. Now they would adopt Jason, which made me feel sorry for the boy. The Sterlings would not have time for him and want to mould him into the son that they want. It would end in drama as Jason is more stubborn than I am. I could only hope that it will go well for him. As for me, I have accepted my fate to be an orphan that no parent would ever want for the rest of my life. That's ok, as it's something that no longer bothers me. I have Susan and Aunty that love me, and that is enough for me.

Dickens
Jason's talk with me a few days ago was making my head spin, so I decided to visit Shirley's sick bed. It's great that he was looking much better and didn’t look like he was the living dead anymore. I did roll my eyes that he had a pacifier in his mouth and a lot of stuffies on his bed. I sat down on his bed and innocently told him that he must know that many people care for him, and this is a big change from when he started at the orphanage, where no one liked him because he was so mean and basically a bad boy. Shirley smiled and told me that he knows that people like him better now because of who he is. People liked that he was so girly and even a baby in many ways. I hope Shirley did not see my eyebrow raise at this admission as alarming. I commented that since he started being more feminine, he had started to get more attention, especially from Aunty, and others were no longer afraid of him. Shirley just smiled at this, which meant that he agreed. It made me think about who Shirley is. Is he a transgendered child, or does he use this as a way of being accepted?

Jason
I moved in with the Sterlings and was shocked at how the rich people lived. Their house was so big that you needed a map to find your way around. The furniture was all designer stuff—you know, the type not to be used but just admired. The Sterlings seemed nice enough but were very businesslike. The welcome was quick, and then Mr. Sterling gave me a long speech of what was expected of me. Then he excused himself as he had to do some work. Mrs. Sterling stayed and told me that she had decided to work fewer hours as she felt that she failed Shirley when he lived here. She did not want to make the same mistakes as she did with him. I told her that I was not Shirley, and I was sure things would work out. I do not need constant attention, and I do not wear dresses. This made Mrs Sterlings laugh as she admitted she loved how blunt I could be.

Shirley
One thing that I learnt is that people do care about me. I never thought about this much before, but Susan and Aunty visit me a lot when I am sick. I even get text messages from Austin and Logan hoping that I am better. This would never have happened before I came to the orphanage. Only my mom and dad loved me then. I had no friends, as everyone was afraid of me. I have changed and changed to a person people like. Isn't that all that matters?

Susan
Shirley is once again well, and what is the first thing he does? He practices ballet! I told him that he should take it easy and slowly get back into it, as his body must be weak after being sick. Maybe it would be best if he started to eat something, as he hardly ate when he was sick. Shirley just smiled and told me he was so happy that he was alive. Besides this, he had to practice to be the best dancer at the ballet show. Shirley confuses me at times; however, no one can say that he is not dedicated.

Aunty
Dickens did it. He proposed to me! That is right, he wants to marry me! I did not know if I wanted to scream or cry when he asked me this. This was something that I was dreading, and now it was happening. For a while, I was silent and could see Dickens sweating more. I did not say no to him. I told Dickens that I had to think about it. This was not the answer that he was expecting.

Doctor Philomena:
Another visit from Shirley today. I used the time together reaffirming that he is a girly boy, and I was proud that he no longer questioned it and accepted it. I reminded him how happy he is that he is a sissy boy and how sad and frustrated he was as a boy. Shirley did not say much, and when he did, he just talked about how excited he was about doing the ballet show next month. Shirley was afraid he would not be able to do it because he would be sick. Shirley has changed a lot since he first visited me; he no longer seems confused and knows what makes him and others happy.

Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 3

Some doubt who Shirley is

---

(pictures done by ai)

Doctor Mary
There are 6 episodes left in “Orphan Petal,” it will be interesting to see how things end up for everyone. Mr Dickens wants to marry Aunty, but she is reluctant. Can the woman love anyone besides herself? Could she have changed so much since we first met her in “The Diary of Alexander Horten?" Jason has been adopted by the Sterlings, a couple who treated Shirley so badly. What will they do if they ever find out that Jason is gay? Then we have Shirley, and once again some are asking, Does he really want to be girly? Does Shirley even know who he is? So many questions...

Susan
I can't wait until Shirley's ballet show is over. I am glad that I no longer have to dance and can do things that I find interesting. I still dance with Shirley when he practices. It most likely gives him confidence that he is dancing with someone so bad. I didn’t even wear a leotard when we practised. Shirley, on the other hand, seemed to have a leotard for every day of the week in every pastel colour you can imagine. Getting dressed is very important for Shirley. He always carefully picks what leotard and tights he will wear and even asks me to fix his hair. Shirley gets very frustrated if he makes the slightest mistake and will practice until he gets it perfect. He is dedicated, and this is commendable, but it can be too much. I try to be positive in thinking this show will soon be over, but then think there will be a new show on the horizon.

Shirley
The psychiatrist has been bugging me that I need to make peace about the death of my parents. The car crash that they were in seemed so long ago. I don’t think that I will ever get rid of the guilt I have for their death. They were fighting about me, which made them lose their concentration before the accident. My answer to cope with this is to try and forget it. I tried not to think about my parents so much. I still wore the necklace my mom had, which meant that in some way she was always with me. At times I wonder what my life would be like if they never lived. My parents did not like anyone different and would not approve that I had become so girly. What would they say if they knew that I wore girl clothes and even wore diapers in bed? I shouldn't think about them too much.

Aunty
I did not answer Dickens yet if I would marry him or not. The man had a lot of patience and told me, despite its hard to wait, he wanted me to have space to decide what I wanted. I am so confused, as I do not understand why he loves me. I told him about my past, where I manipulated my nephew into being a sissy boy and even tried to kill my sister. I am not a nice person, so how can he love me? I have done things that would make Satan himself tremble. Maybe I have changed, but there is still a darkness in me. It's fine going on dates as that is short-term. However, getting married is a life commitment. Maybe I am just afraid. Perhaps I think that I do not deserve happiness. I love Dickens with all my heart, but is that enough?

Jason
I told my new parents that I would be visiting Austin. They are happy that I have a friend, which made me feel a bit bad as they do not know how much of a friend Austin is. I love Austin, and they would never accept this. It's not easy keeping my sexuality a secret, but what choice do I have? Millions of gays before me lived a life where they kept this part of themselves a secret. Society has become more understanding, but there are still many who think being gay is a sin. My new parents are one of these people. Maybe someday I will tell the world and not care what they thought, but I was not ready for that yet.

Aunty
Allie visited me today. He looks well and is happy with his life. He still considers himself gender-fluid but does not look too feminine. I am grateful that he still wants me in his life and has forgiven me for everything that I have done to him. I told him that Dickens had proposed to me, which made Allie so happy. When I told Allie that I would say no, I could see the confused look on Allie's face. I explained that I was a bad person, and it would be cruel to Dickens if I accepted his proposal. After I said this, Allie sighed and told me that people can change. The orphanage and the children here have changed me, especially Shirley and Susan. Everyone had forgiven me for what I had done in the past, and it was time for me to forgive myself. Dickens was in love with me, and I was in love with him. Allie wanted to know why I did not want happiness.

Dickens
I met Aunty's nephew, and this was an experience. I have read his diary and know how Aunty manipulated him and nearly destroyed his life. I was expecting a grown-up version of Shirley, but this is not the case. He was not very masculine but not very feminine either. As I spoke with him, I could see how happy he was as well as how smart and compassionate he was. Deep down, I wanted his advice on how we could help Shirley, but that would break the confidentiality we have as professionals. Meeting Allie made me think a lot about Shirley. I know that Aunty had in some way made Allie a transgender teen, and it made me think: What influence does Aunty have over Shirley's determination to be a sissy boy?

Austin
I love Christmas as a time for family and to be with them that we love. I have been saving up my money for months as I wanted to give the people I love a special present. I bought my mom a new handbag. Logan will get a music box, as he loves things like that. Jason would get a friendship bracelet. I do not know if he would even wear it, as he may think it's not masculine enough. On top of this, I want to get Shirley and Susan a present, as they are an important part of my life. I will be poor again after all these presents are bought, but it's worth it. I know that many people love getting presents, and in this sense, I am a bit strange as I love giving them.

Doctor Philomena:
Mr. Dickens from the orphanage wanted to speak with me and see my notes about Shirley. I could see that he was not very happy when he read them. He asked me why I did not explore why Shirley suddenly wanted to be girly. It happened when he came to the orphanage, and the big question was why. Shirley disliked transgenders before he came to the orphanage, and becoming something that he hated did not make sense. I explained that Shirley was a girl in a boy's body all the time, and his aggression toward others was a way of coping with these feelings. It was my job to convince Shirley that he is a girl in a boy's body, and he has now accepted that. Shirley was a bad boy, but now he is a good sissy boy. He is happier, and he is not a burden to society. I told Dickens that boys are usually aggressive and mean and not nice to be around. The answer was to bring out their feminine side. Imagine if every boy was more feminine; the world would be a better place to live in. Dickens's only response was, Why do I not find out who Shirley is and not try to convince him what he should be? Why do I not ask myself, Is he a feminine boy just to please others and fit in? My answer was that Shirley is a sissy boy, and one day he will discover that he is transgender.

Aunty
I gave my answer to Dickens today, and the answer is that I would be honoured to be his life. I reminded him that I am not a good person, and I find it hard to even love myself and forgive myself for all the things I have done. This being said, Dickens brings the best out of me, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We plan to get married at the end of January. I must be crazy. I want a posh and the best wedding a person could have, no matter what it costs. Who can plan a wedding in 5 weeks? Still, I do like challenges.

Susan
The big news in the orphanage at the moment is the wedding of Mr. Dickens and Aunty. Many in the orphanage are considering this as a Christmas gift for everyone, as who does not like parties, and a wedding is a perfect excuse for a party. Shirley is already hoping that he will be a flower girl… flower boy… flower girl… you get the idea. I will be honest, I am not too excited about the wedding. What will happen when they get married? Would they still work here at the orphanage? Will they have time to be with us, or will they be too busy smooching? I hate change. Every time I get used to life, then something happens that makes me worry about what the future will be like. One thing for sure is that this marriage will change things, and I don’t know if I can change or adapt to how things will be. No wonder Shirley likes being a baby at times. Babies do not have to worry about the future.

Mr Dickens
A nice couple wants to adopt Susan. This is great news, as Susan has always been known as the quiet girl who never causes trouble and does not get so much attention or demand it. Susan does not have many friends because she is considered a nerd as she likes to read and does not talk so much about the latest music or the latest celebrity. I always thought that Susan would never get adopted because she is so much in the background. Susan is not the type of girl that would get noticed. So you understand how happy I felt that a couple asked to adopt Susan. Susan deserves happiness and a family that will love her. I have not told Susan yet, as we need to do backup checks on the couple and other practical things. Susan should only be told when we are sure that this couple can adopt her.

Shirley
The show was a success. I had the main role, and practice paid off as I made no mistakes at all. I loved being on stage, and all eyes were on me. I loved that people enjoyed the show and my performance. It is a nice feeling doing something that you like doing. It's nice that people can see that I am passionate about something other than wearing dresses. This is even though my role was a girl's one. The show gave me confidence that I would make the world a better place by making people smile. I found something that I was good at, and I could entertain people.

Dickens
I talked with Aunty today about Shirley. The talk was based on Shirley's behaviour and the talk I had with the psychiatrist. Aunty was told that I am unsure that Shirley was transgender or a sissy boy. I think that Shirley has become more girly to have an identity that is opposite to how he was to deal with the sorrow and pain of becoming an orphan. I believe that Shirley also thinks he is happier and feels more accepted as a girly boy. The big question is: who is Shirley? This is something we need to help him discover and support him in finding his identity and not just trying to please others.

Orphan Petal

December 2023 - Part 4

Its Christmas

---

(pictures done by ai)

Doctor Mary:
Mr. Dickens has seen something that I have been shouting from the top of my lungs for a long time, and that is that Doctor Philomena is not good for Shirley. She is not helping Shirley discover his identity. She tells Shirley how to think and reaffirms when Shirley acts as she wants. The doctor said it herself: she does not like boys and thinks boys should be more feminine. Shirley is lucky, as he has Mr. Dickens on his side. However, this does not come with problems. What will Aunty think? What will happen now that Aunty and Mr Dickens will get married? Susan may also get adopted. This will mean that Shirley will be left alone at the orphanage.

Dickens:
In every staff meeting we have, Shirley seems to have his own point on the agenda. Today Susan even got her own point when I announced that the background check on the couple that want to adopt her was good and now we could give her the good news. As for Shirley, I told the staff that I have decided that he will no longer see Doctor Philomena as she does not think of Shirley's best interests. She does not want him to be a boy. She wants him and every other boy to be feminine and even live and act as girls. I could see Aunty's face go white when I said this, as this is something that she also believes in. At any rate, Shirley still needs help. If Shirley does have transgender tendencies, then he must be supported. The same is true if Shirley is being feminine because he wants to please others; we must love Shirley for who he is and not what we want him to be. Besides all this, Shirley's bedwetting and finding comfort in baby things such as pacifiers worry me. There must be a reason, and we had to find out if the reason is a problem he has. I have decided that Shirley will now see Doctor Mary. She is the doctor who helped Aunty's nephew.

Austin
I was at Shirley's ballet dance last week, and to be honest, I do not like ballet. I do not understand it and do not think it is art. However, I am so proud of Shirley. He managed to make it look like art and something special. I could see that he loved doing it, and his face did light up as he did it. It was like his dancing spread joy and happiness to everyone in the audience, and that is a gift that Shirley had. I do not think anyone frowned upon a boy who was wearing a girl's costume. I bet many in the audience did not even know that Shirley was a boy, as he looked more like a girl than most of the girls that were there. Shirley can annoy me to the limits and at times make steam come out of my ears, but at the same time, I am so proud of him.

Logan
I am jealous! I was also at Shirley's ballet show, and wow, he is a good dancer. I can't dance as it's like I have two left feet. On top of this, Shirley looks like a girl. He looks more like a girl than I do. This hurts a bit, as I always felt like a girl, and it is not hard dressing or acting like one. It is who I am. Shirley decides one day that he is a sissy boy, and at times, he is more believable than I am. Now, thanks to his dancing, he is being praised for his talent and the fact he can perform the girl role so well. I suppose I should not complain. People accept me as transgender. They do not question it or need to give me praise for being who I am. I should try not to be so jealous, but it is hard.

Susan
Mr. Dickens told me that a couple wanted to adopt me. I think he was surprised that I was not jumping up and down with joy. The fact is that I was speechless. I never thought that anyone would ever want to adopt me. It was like I had accepted that I would be an orphan for the rest of my life. Now Mr. Dickens was telling me that a nice couple wanted to be my parents. I should be so happy, so why am I not? Is it because I am afraid? Is it because I do not understand why anyone would ever want to adopt me? Is it because I hate change? Mr. Dickens told me that I am a lucky girl and I should think about being adopted by this couple.

Doctor Philomena
I am no longer needed to give therapy to Shirley. Mr. Dickens did not expand on the reason why he no longer thought that I was required except by saying that I was not good for Shirley. He thought that I had a hidden agenda. This makes me mad. What does he know? After all, he is a man and does not understand how bad boys are. I helped Shirley be a more sensitive and compassionate child. Would Shirley have become a sissy boy without me? The answer here is easy. Shirley was already experimenting with this side of him before he met me. He was already wearing dresses, and I helped embrace this side of him. Mr. Dickens is wrong, as I did not hurt Shirley. I saved the world from another arrogant and evil boy and made him into something that would be good for society.

Shirley
Austin and Logan visited me today, as we cannot see each other during Christmas. They had a gift for me, which nearly made me cry. It was the loveliest, frilliest dress that you could imagine. They of course asked me why I was crying, and I told them that I did not deserve a present as I had been so mean to him. Remember that I broke Logan's arm, and I told everyone that Austin was gay? Besides this, I had no presents for them, which was so embarrassing. I was so preoccupied with the dance show that I had no time to think of anyone but myself. Austin assured me that I could be an idiot, but at the same time, I could be an adorable idiot. Austin told me many people have hurt him and this included me, but he found out that the best healing is forgiveness.

Doctor Mary
Mr. Dickens asked me if I could have some therapy sessions with Shirley and how I would help him. I explained that I would not help Shirley but give Shirley a chance to help himself. Shirley needs time and free space to find out why he does certain things and discover who he is. The only person who knows Shirley's identity is Shirley himself. My job was to help Shirley discover his identity without manipulating him and forcing my views on him. I warned Mr Dickens that Shirley could very well be transgender, or being girly can be a symptom of something else. The thing to remember is that it will be Shirley who will do most of the work in discovering who he is. It will be a lot of work for Shirley and not easy.

Shirley
It's Christmas and the best day in the world. We all got some presents and went to Christmas mass, where we sang a lot of Christmas songs. My favourite song is “O Holy Night." We then had a big Christmas dinner, which was fit for a king. After dinner, we couldn’t move because our bellies were so full, so we saw a Christmas film that was black and white. I would bet that the orphanage used all its money on turkey and did not have money for a film that was in colour. Susan did my hair for Christmas in pigtails with Christmas ribbons, and I wore the dress that Austin gave me. I was in a great mood all day. We had school holidays, and everyone was being nice to each other. Susan did seem a bit quiet all day, as she was deep in thought. This was just typical for Susan, as she is one of those intelligent people who tends to think too much.

Jason
Austin's mother and Logan gave us the best Christmas present today. It was a late Christmas present, as Christmas was a few days ago. Here is what they did: they set up a small table just for Austin and me. Austin's mother cooked some food for us. Logan was dressed up as a waitress and served us. It was so romantic. There were candles on the table, and the food tasted so nice. After the meal, Austin and I cuddled on the couch and watched a film. Austin told me that he was so happy and he would remember this for a long time. I was also very happy, but at the same time, I was sad because I could not tell my new parents about this. Austin is so lucky that he can be so open with his family. I could also be open with my new family, but I am afraid of what their reaction would be.

Shirley
I visited Doctor Mary for the first time, and it was like visiting a celebrity because she was mentioned in Aunty's nephew's diary that he published. She did not waste any time and asked me, Do I understand people who criticise transgender children and think they could be brainwashed by the media and what is cool or not? I thought for a few minutes and told her that before I came to the orphanage I would have agreed with this. My parents were very judgemental of people who were different, and so was I. In other words, I was a bully and would bully anyone that was not normal. They could be fat children, had glasses, or were not smart. There was also an element of power when I bullied others. It made me think that I was better. Doctor Mary did not say a lot and told me that bullies often are unhappy with who they are or that they feel so alone. Nothing else was said, but it did make me think.

Susan
I must decide if I want to be adopted or not, and this confuses me. I should not be in doubt about it and jump at the chance of being adopted. It is something that I have thought about and dreamt about for a long time. I gave up on this hope and was happy with my life. I could not get the questions about this adoption out of my mind, such as, out of all the girls at the orphanage, why did they want me? Would these new parents like me, or would I be unhappy like Shirley was when the Sterlings wanted him? My family is here at the orphanage, and do I need a new family? Why should I change my life when I am happy? So many questions and hard-to-find answers.

Shirley
I visited my parents' grave and just stood there and was quiet. After some time I talked with them, telling them I supposed they noticed that I was wearing a dress and tights and a girl's winter coat. They would notice that my hair is long. I told them that Doctor Mary asked me if transgender children have been brainwashed by the media and want to be cool. This is wrong, as children are smarter than that. It's not easy being different from others, as you get judged and some think you have mental problems. If my parents were alive, they would be ashamed of me for being a sissy boy. However, it's my life, and it's me that decides.

Doctor Mary
I asked Shirley what the difference is between him and Logan. Shirley smiled and said at last he could answer an easy question. Logan believes he is a girl and always has believed this. Shirley knows that he is a boy and happy with his body. He just wears girl clothes and does girly things. That would make Shirley a sissy boy. Then I asked if Logan was happy. Shirley thought for a while and told me that Logan would be very unhappy if he was not allowed to be transgender. Logan would maybe even be suicidal. I did not ask Shirley if this was the case with him. I am sure he will ask himself.

Susan
I did not tell Shirley that a couple wants to adopt me and will not tell him. I do not know how to say it and am afraid of his reaction.