Echoes of the Past 1
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

Being a parent is one of the blessings in the world. Since I was a girl, I always wanted to be a mother. I had a small family of dolls that were spoiled. The dolls never caused trouble and never worried me. The only thing that I was worried about was what they would wear and how pretty they would be. Years later, I remember the joy I had when I heard that I was pregnant for the first time. I would finally become a mother and live the perfect life. Having children is not the same as having dolls. Children give you grey hair before it is your time.

My daughter Emma was my first-born daughter. She was always an easy child. She never cried and even when she was toilet trained, she just decided that she wanted no diaper and that was it. It made me ask why many parents complain about getting children out of diapers. As Emma grew older, she was a very reasonable and intelligent daughter. At times it was as if she was more of an adult than her parents. I was always so proud of Emma and loved her more than is possible.

When Emma was 3 years old, I was once again pregnant. This time I gave birth to a boy. Jordan was not like his big sister. He cried a lot and constantly needed attention. It was a huge struggle to get him out of diapers. Despite that we had very little sleep since he was born, I was also proud of him and loved him equally to his big sister. Maybe Jordan would not be as intelligent as his sister and not as sensible, but Jordan would have his qualities such as being kind and wanting to help people. He also was charming and had a smile that would melt a heart of stone

My husband was the man I loved since I was old enough to fall in love. He had a good heart and treated me like a princess. His parents were not the best of parents and pretty much ignored him all his life. This made my husband wonder if he was loved or not. It also made him want to learn from his parent's weaknesses. My husband wanted a close family and that everyone was happy and felt loved and wanted. This is what I loved about him. He wanted the best for us!

We were devout Catholics. The local priest was a regular guest at our house. He was never short of advice when it came to family. He would tell us how to be better Catholics. He thought that a close family unit which loved each other and supported each other was a foundation for a child's upbringing. “A family that prays together stays together”

It was time for Jordan to start school. This made me feel so old. It was a major step in his life where he would leave the clutches of his family and go out in the world to meet new friends and gain knowledge. He was very excited and confused at the same time. He did not know what to expect or if he would get new friends. At the same time, he was proud that he could now be considered a big boy. I was just as excited as he was. So many pictures of him were taken in his new school uniform. This made me try and remember my first day of school. I could not remember it which made me think again that I was getting old.

Jordan did make friends and he loved learning. His teacher would tell me that it could be annoying at times. When the teacher tried to teach something, then Jordan would say that he already knew what was being taught. This made me smile as there was no way that this could be true.

Jordan loved going to school. I always thought his big sister was the intelligent one, but Jordan knew everything that was being taught. The good thing was that he had lots of friends. Both the boys and girls liked him. This was despite that Jordan did not like sports like other boys. He would rather do quiet activities. This did not worry me as he was happy and had friends. Jordan would always ask me if he could have a playdate with someone from the school or he would ask if he could visit them. This made me very happy as I always thought that having good friends was just as important as getting a good education.

I think that things started to change after Jordan started at school. One day when he was visiting a friend, his dad went to pick him up. When they came home, Jordan ran to his room in tears and my husband was very mad. I found out that when my husband went to pick his son up, he found that Jordan was playing dress-up with his friend. My husband was not mad that he was changing clothes with a girl. He was mad that his son was wearing a dress with tights. I wondered what the problem was. My husband was yelling saying that he was afraid that Jordan was turning gay. He did not want our son to be a sissy or anything like that. I had to tell my husband to shut up as we were no longer in the middle ages. Wearing a dress once in a game did not mean our son was a sissy or even gay. It was just a game that he thought it was fun.

The matter was forgotten. Jordan was now 10 years old. I am sure that Jordan still played dress-up with his friend. He was just smart enough not to be caught. I debated with myself if I should speak with him or not about wearing girl clothes. There were a few things that stopped me from doing this. I was not sure if he was even playing dress-up. On top of that, I would be making a mountain out of a mole hole by discussing it. I do not think it was wrong that he had this fun. I was told that he got changed in the bathroom while she changed in her bedroom. For them, this was just a fun game. It is the adult mind and prejudice that we had that made such an innocent game look like it was the worse thing they could ever do and harm them for life.

Time went on and we could see that this was not just a fun game he wanted to play. Jordan wanted to dress up as a fairy for Halloween. This made my husband go crazy. There was no way that he wanted his son to go out in public as a fairy. It was bad if our son was "one of those drag kids" or even worse if he was gay. Of course, Jordan was determined to wear a fairy costume. There was a standoff between them. They both looked at me for support. In a way, I wondered if this meant that Jordan was more feminine than we thought he should be. I also thought if he would turn out gay. These thoughts were going around in my head and it did not make me think that Jordan was less perfect or he was damaged. On the contrary, I saw him as a boy that was not afraid to experiment and be what he wanted. I tried telling my husband that this was Halloween. Children dressed up in different costumes and this did not mean that they identified as the person they were dressed at. It was just a chance to have fun and use their imagination.l It would be wrong for us to ruin this experience for him and turn it into some social-political issue. It did not matter what I said. Jordan was not allowed to wear the costume. He refused to celebrate Halloween and stayed in his bedroom.

Something happened between Jordan and his father after this. It was as if there was now a huge wall between them. I could not understand my husband who wanted Jordan to be a certain way and could not accept him for the way he was. If Jordan liked being feminine... who cared? If he grew up to be gay... who cared? The only thing that mattered to me is that he was a nice person and treated others right. We could not force him to be a certain type of person. This was something my husband did not understand. It seems as if he wanted Jordan to be a typical boy that was good at sports and was very masculine. This meant that he was constantly criticizing his son. The atmosphere between the two was becoming very toxic, and to be honest, I did not know what to do.

Jordan started wetting the bed which was hard for him. This meant that I had to get him some Goodnight pullups to wear in bed. Jordan accepted this but it was obvious that he did not like it. He would ask me why he suddenly wet the bed as he was too old to do that. It did not help that my husband had nothing good to say about it. I was very proud of his older sister that did not tease and supported him the best way she could. I was also worried about why he started wetting the bed. I wondered if it was something mental What was going on in his mind? Was it because of the Halloween drama and the conflict he had with his Dad? The one thing I knew was that I could no longer stand by and think that things would sort themselves out. I needed to have a mother-son talk with Jordan.

" You should have a sleepover sometime," I said
" Mom, there is no way I would ever have a sleepover again in my life" he snorted back.
" Why not, you like sleepovers"
" Look at what I have to wear. I do not want anyone to know I have to wear diapers"
" They are not diapers, and you will get better again. You have many friends at school. If they knew you wet the bed, they would accept it. That is what friends do."
" I do have friends, but they say I am weird, They think I am different."
" How?"
" They think I look like a girl. I could get my hair cut, but I hate short hair. I do not like the things that the boys do. They heard that I play dress-up with Elizabeth. Some think this makes me a sissy and gay."
" What do you think?"
" I know it's not normal for a boy to like girl clothes and toys. Even my own Dad thinks that I am weird. The thing is that I like when we dress up and play at her house. When I wear her clothes, I do not think that it is wrong. I feel happy and comfortable. I feel more like me. Then when others tease me about it or Dad gets mad, I get all confused. It makes me feel guilty as if it was a very bad thing that I have done."

My eyes were welling up. I hugged Jordan and there was silence for some time. Then I told him that he was not strange or weird. His bedwetting would get better. If he liked playing dress-up with Elizabeth, then it did not make him a sissy or gay. He was too young to know his sexual orientation and being gay was not bad. I told him that he could invite Elizabeth here when he wanted and if they wanted to play dress-up, they could use the old clothes from his big sister. They could also play with her toys. This would be when Dad was at work. What he did not know could not hurt him.

Jordan was delighted at this new arrangement. His Dad did not know and his sister supported him. I could see that Elizabeth was a good friend. She never forced him to play dress-up or do anything. It was always Jordan's initiative. He even told her that he wet the bed. Her answer made me smile, "So what, many wet the bed."

I was thinking that this was just a phase that he was going through. This was not the case. A few months when we were eating dinner, Jordan took a breath and said. "I know you will not like what I have to say. I know you may get mad at me. Dad, you will blow your lid off. However, I have to tell you this. God made a mistake when I was born. I was not supposed to have a boy's body. I am not a boy. I am a girl."

Echoes of the Past 2
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

So our son just told us that he was a girl. There was silence around the table just trying to take this in. The first to speak was my daughter that said it was cool to have a sister. Then my husband screamed at Jordan, "God does not make mistakes. You were born a boy and this can never change! You are not a girl. You are becoming a fairy sissy and a gay boy. This is something I would not allow!"

I could hear Jordan crying in his room. When I went up to him, he insisted that he was not a sissy. He was a girl. Why could we not see this? Why could we not accept this? I did not know what to say. I hugged him and told him how much I loved him. We would find a solution and he should not worry. This was a weak answer but I was so confused. I wanted the best for Jordan but did not know what this was. I did not know what to tell him.

My husband invited the priest over the next day and told him that Jordan thought he was a girl. The priest sighed and said, "The children today are confused. The boundary between right and wrong is very blurry. There are so many people trying to influence children. Look at the media! Look how celebrities act and dress. Let's not mention that the LGBT movement is forcing its ideas on our youth. How many towns now have a pride parade? Your son has been bombarded with this propaganda and was brainwashed by them!"

Of course, my husband believed in everything the priest said. This made my husband think now was the time to act. Over the next few weeks, he forced Jordan to do every masculine activity he could think of. They played sports, went fishing, went to car rallies and bought Jordan toys like toy guns and footballs. This did not help. Jordan hated it. He started to isolate himself more in the room and was very quiet. My son that was always smiling and energetic was now a shell of himself. It was breaking my heart. I knew what the problem was. Jordan thought that he was a girl. His father would never accept this.

As a mother, I had to make sure that Jordan was happy. I knew nothing about transgender children. To be honest, I always thought that it was a strange concept. It was something that dysfunctional families experienced in big cities. Children must have been confused about their gender because of the influence of the media or parents. This was what I thought until now. I was wrong. When Jordan said that he was a girl, I knew that it was from his heart.

My son did not need to be forced to do boy activities. He did not need to be judged or punished. I took Jordan to a specialist for children with gender identity problems. She was a nice woman that asked Jordan everything from what colours he likes, what clothes he likes and what toys. She even asked what films he liked. It was not so much what he liked what she was interested in. She was more interested in why he liked them and what they made him feel. Jordan was smiling after we visited her. He thought that she was a nice woman who listened to him.

We went to her a few times and then she gave her conclusion, "Jordan is not sick nor does Jordan have any mental problems. Jordan feels that she is a girl born with the wrong body. Jordan is not alone in these thoughts. There are two choices you can make. You can tell Jordan that he is a boy and forget how he feels. This could cause many problems and end with depression and much worse. You can also accept Jordan as your daughter and let him live the life that makes him happy. There are medical things we can do to stop the male hormones and he can get female hormones. There is something you should remember. This is not easy for Jordan. It will not be easy for her. Will people accept her or ridicule her? What would happen at school? The most important thing is that she still feels her family loves her."

She was calling my son "she.". I had a lot to think about. Did I want my son to be my daughter? How would he be treated at school? Will others think that he was a freak? What would my husband say? The fact is that it did not matter what I thought. It was important that Jordan was happy and could be the person he wanted to be. It made no difference what body Jordan had or what society expected of him. I wanted Jordan to start smiling again and enjoying life.

I sat down with my family one night and told them what the specialist said. Then I said that it was important that we supported Jordan. Jordan felt as if he was a girl and this was the way we would treat her. I was proud of myself when I used the word "her". Jordan came and gave me a hug and said that she was so happy. I told her that she could use her sister's old clothes until she got her own. You can see that I was now calling Jordan by the female pronouns. While the whole thing seemed strange to me and bizarre and hoping that I was not making a huge mistake, the smile on Jordan's face told me that this was the right thing to do.

My husband did not think so. He remained quiet when I told the family of the changes. When we were alone, he let his feelings out...

"I was so happy when Jordan was born," he said, "I love Emma and she is my princess. With Jordan, I dreamt that we would play football, fix cars and bond as father and son doing male things. What happened to my dream? I now have a son that is a sissy and will end up being gay. I have a rainbow child that will end up as a drag queen. Why did we not decide this together?"

"Because you are thinking of yourself and your needs. We need to think of Jordan and how she feels. We need her to feel happy."

"Stop using the word she"

"Jordan is our daughter now and we must accept this and support her. She will be judged enough at school and by others. Let's show her that her family loves her!"

My husband did not argue any further. It was obvious that he did not accept that Jordan was now his daughter. He hardly spoke with her. Jordan did not seem to care. She was happy once again and this is what matters. We started giving her puberty blockers to stop the male hormones and she was taking female hormone tablets. This was a hard decision as I wondered if could harm her if she suddenly decided that she was a boy again. For the time being, Jordan was delighted that she would slowly have a body that looked more feminine.

It was like seeing a person being reborn and experiencing new things. My new daughter loved fashion and loved looking pretty. Emma taught her how to do her hair. Jordan loved when her hair was in braids. The only thing that Jordan said no to was make-up and heels. This was probably good as who wants to grow up too quick? Jordan made a good girl. She was always happy and chirpy and lit any room that she came in. Despite the opposition from my husband, our family was once again a happy family.

My husband did do his best to change my mind. He invited the priest over and I had to listen to him talk that what we were doing was wrong. "You are corrupting your son by letting the media and the immoral pressure groups corrupt him. There is a trend today that one has to be politically correct and this means that thinking that being gay or a sissy is the norm. It is not right. It is against God's plan"

I retorted by telling him that the Bible also says not to judge.

Jordan was mostly not bullied or teased at school. The others accepted that she was now a girl. We could learn so much from children. They could see that Jordan was no different from the way she always was. The difference now is that my daughter admitted that she was a girl. While some of the older boys did tease Jordan, her friends remained friends and supported her in every way they could.

One would think that this would be the biggest challenge I had as a mother. This was not the case. Just before Jordan turned 11 years old, she started drawing the strangest drawings. It was not the drawings you expect from a girl. The drawings were morbid and scary. They were pictures of knives and dead bodies and a lot of blood. I know that some people say that drawings have a meaning, but I never believed in this. However, now I was beginning to ask myself why Jordan was suddenly drawing these scary pictures. When I asked her, she said it was just some images in her mind.

My husband told me not to worry. He asked did I expect Jordan to be drawing rainbows and unicorns all the time. "These drawings show that Jordan is still thinking like a boy.". When he said this, I just rolled my eyes. I knew that my husband would never accept that Jordan was transgender. It would take him time to accept this. What I could not understand is that it seemed as if he no longer loved Jordan. They never spoke together and never even smiled at each other. I would imagine could see the change in the way her Dad thought of her, and this must be so hard for a child.

I know mothers worried a lot about their children. The funny thing is that I hardly ever worry about Emma. She was so reasonable and never seemed to have worries or problems. She was now a teenager and was mostly a happy girl. She never complained or was depressed. This should have worried me in a way. No teen could be that happy and never have problems. I suppose I used all my energy to worry about Jordan.

I thought that there could be no more shocks and challenges Jordan could give us. How many parents can say that their son now lives as a girl, wets the bed and draws the strangest things? All this may have made Jordan's dad love her less. This was not the case for me. I loved Jordan and wanted her to be safe and happy and feel respected and loved. My challenges were nothing compared to what other children experienced, like having a sickness or being addicted to drugs or even worse.

Jordan was still wetting the bed. She was now having nightmares. I would hear her crying and screaming. When I went to Jordan, she would be in a panic and ask me where her mother was. I would tell her that I was there. This seemed to work for a few nights until she told me that I was not her mother. Despite that this hurt like a knife in my heart, I thought it was just something she said half asleep. This was not the case. One day when I asked her about it, she told me that I was not her real mother.

There was something wrong with Jordan. She started to regress more and more. At first, she started sucking her thumb and then started using a pacifier that she found. She started carrying one of her stuffies all the time. She even asked to sleep in her old cot. My husband was very mad when I agreed to this. I was confused and depressed. Jordan no longer considered me as her mom and she was acting more and more like a toddler every day. What mother would not be worried? I tried to do things with Jordan and Emma like baking and shopping. I hoped that family activities would make things better. My husband did not participate, maybe that was good. Jordan was acting as if she was more and more afraid of her father.

One day Jordan's teacher wanted to speak with me. She told me that Jordan remembered her previous life before she was reincarnated as Jordon.

To be continued

Echoes of the Past 3
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

So Jordan told everyone at school that he remembered her previous life. In other words, she thought that she was reincarnated. I could deal with Jordan being transgender and wetting the bed. I could even deal with his morbid drawings. I never expected Jordan to say that she was reincarnated. I never believed in reincarnation. How can we all be reincarnated and the population of the world go up all the time? If there was reincarnation, would the population stay the same?

I tried speaking with my husband about this. He blew his lid when he heard that Jordan now thought that she was reincarnated. Jordan was sent to her room and warned to stop being so weird. This response by my husband saddened me. The way I saw this was that this whole thing showed that Jordan had some problems and she needed our love and support. When I told my husband this and that our daughter needed some help, the only answer I got was that we needed to put our foot down and show Jordan the difference between reality and fantasy.

"What will the next thing Jordan tell the world?" he asked, "Our son thinks he is a girl and wets the bed like a baby. Now our son says he is reincarnated. All this seems to be trying to get attention. Either this or Jordan has huge mental problems and will end up being locked in a padded cell!"

I could understand what my husband was saying. I did not think that Jordan wanted any attention or to be different. I did not know what to do. This was so confusing and I felt like no matter what I did, it would be wrong. I decided not to talk to Jordan about it. I bet you are rolling your eyes at this decision thinking I was putting my head in the sand pretending it never happened. My reasoning was that this was a phase and would blow over. The more we discussed it, the more cemented it would be in Jordan's thoughts.

I did what I thought was the best. Jordan and I had a mother-daughter day at the mall. I bought Jordan new summer dresses, sandals, shorts and everything a girl would want in her wardrobe. Then we went to the hairdresser and trimmed. Jordan now had long hair and the hairdresser put some curls in it. Then we had Jordan's ears pierced. After all that we had lunch at a cafe. I smiled as I looked at my daughter. To me, she was now a girl. She looked like one and thought like one. Jordan was in a great mood and her smile lit up the whole mall. We did not talk about the claims that she was reincarnated. We just enjoyed having a girl's day out and spending a lot of money. When we were home, Jordan hugged me and thanked me for one of the best days of her life. This made me smile. Being Jordan's mother was challenging and I never knew what to do. I felt as if I had done something right by taking her to the mall.

This happiness did not last. I could see that Jordan was becoming more unhappy. This is not an easy thing when you see your 11-year-old become more and more unhappy every day. Jordan was not smiling and would spend all her time in her bedroom. At times, I could hear her crying. I asked her was there were problems at school. The only answer I got there was not to worry. This was not going to happen. I knew there was a problem. Jordan did not want to go to school and would often say she was sick. This school sickness was becoming more frequent and it made me think that there were problems.

I visited Jordan's school and had a talk with the teacher,

"Jordan is not happy at school" she informed me. Duh was the only word that was going through my mind.

"What is happening that makes her so sad?"

"The other children have always accepted that Jordan was different. This seems to have changed. Jordan now gets bullied because she is different."

"I thought that they accepted that Jordan was transgender."

"Maybe they are getting older and this is where boys and girls think differently. They know that Jordan lives as a girl. They do know that she still has a boy's body. I think the other children are confused."

"This is not an excuse to bully. Did you not explain what a transgender is, and that it is not bad and should not be an excuse to bully?"

"Yes, we did explain this. However, we cannot stop them from thinking that Jordan is just gay and that he is strange."

"Jordan is not strange. She is not crazy. This school should do everything they can to stop bullying."

"It's not that Jordan is just transgendered. As you know, Jordan has been very open that she remembers her previous life. Jordan believes that she is reincarnated. This is very hard for others to understand. The bullying started when Jordan admitted that she was reincarnated. The others think that she is too different now"

The teacher told me how Jordan was bullied. She was teased and pushed and sometimes even hit. A few times, the girls would not allow her in the girl's bathroom. She was even "pantsed" where the others would shame her to the extreme. After the teacher told me all this, I understood why my daughter was so sad. It made me want to cry as well. The teacher also seemed to support the bullies. I was told that Jordan needed professional psychological help. I left the school wanting to scream.

Jordan was getting more and more depressed. She started wetting herself during the day. She asked if she could wear diapers all the time. I could not say no to this as I could understand that it was no fun wetting yourself and being in wet clothes. At the same time, I knew that this could be more teasing and bullying if the other children found out. It did not help that my husband did not support the diapers and his only answer was that Jordan needed a spanking. This would never happen. I would never allow my children to be spanked.

I decided to take Jordan to a psychiatrist. My husband was mad about this but I got my own way when I asked if he could not see that Jordan was so unhappy and we needed help. Jordan needed help. The shrink had a long talk with Josie and then wanted to speak with me.

"Jordan does feel that she is a girl." The psychiatrist said, "And I think your approach was right. Support Jordan's identity as a girl. Jordan loves when you and her do mother-daughter things together. Now here is the thing. Jordan thinks she was a girl in her previous life. She believes that she is reincarnated. Some children claim this although they are usually younger. It can be because of several things. It can be false memories, a vivid imagination, attention seeking or dissociation. She can be mentally disconnected from reality. "

"What can I do?"

"Studies show that this will blow over. The best you can do is to remain calm and listen to Jordan. Validate her feelings and let her express herself. This will most likely just be a phase. Do not pressure Jordan to explain why she is reincarnated, let her explain in her own time"

After this, I went out to Jordan who was in the waiting room. She had watery eyes and asked me if she was crazy. I hugged her and said of course not. Jordan asked why she had to be so different. I could not answer this. We went to a cafe and just talked about normal things. We both managed to smile. However, I knew that Jordan's head was in turmoil. She most likely was afraid that there was something wrong with her. She did not choose to be different. It's just the way she was. I did not love her any less. She was my youngest daughter and there were no limits to my love. My head was also in turmoil. What could I do to help Jordan be happy?

My husband took matters into his own hands. He invited the priest over to have a talk with Jordan. The priest wasted no time in telling Jordan how corrupt, misled and how much of a sinner she was.

"God made you a boy. You cannot change God's plans for you!" he said

"God does not want you to fall in love with other boys. It is against nature and it is disgusting and one of the greatest sins!" he continued

"The whole idea that you think you are reincarnated is also foolish. You read the Bible and you know that we go to heaven." the priest rolled on.

I could see that Jordan was squirming around in the chair. She was pale and looked like she wanted to be in any other place. Jordan did not answer the priest and this was probably wise. The priest was not willing to discuss anything. After he left, I was mad at my husband for inviting him. I asked where was the respect and understanding for Jordan. The priest just wanted Jordan to feel guilty and like the worse sinner on earth. It was an inquisition. How would any Dad be satisfied with subjecting their child to this? The thing was that I was to blame as well. I just sat there and said nothing. I did nothing to defend Jordan. This made me feel like an accomplice. Jordan was betrayed by her Dad, treated like dirt by the priest and neglected by me!

I decided not to let this happen again. To be honest, I did not understand what was going on with Jordan. I had no clue what to do or how to cope with it. This being said I had to show Jordan that she was not alone and we loved her. I had to support her and let her know that she was not crazy or damaged goods. She was not a sinner or corrupt. She was a very special child! It was time that I put her first and not my doubts or worries.

Jordan was beginning to regress more. She now wore diapers all the time. She started playing with her old baby toys. When she spoke, she started to lisp and cried very easily. At one stage, she even asked to sleep in her own cot. Jordan was now like a small toddler girl. I did my best to make her happy and show her that she was loved. She got a lot of hugs and I accepted her toddler ways. My husband asked me if this was what I really wanted, our 11-year-old acting like a 2-year-old. Of course, I did not. I just knew that any pressure on Jordan would make things worse. There was a reason why she regressed. Maybe she felt more secure and it was a way for her to hide.

One day she made another announcement when we were eating dinner, "I would like if you do not call me Jordan anymore, My name is Rosie. Please call me Rosie."

To be continued

Echoes of the Past 4
Being a mother is the best thing in the world, but nothing prepares you for it
What do you do when your son is different from other boys?
What do you do when he does not want to be older?
What do you do when he does not want to be a boy?
What do you do when he says you are not his mother?

Jordan always surprised me. Now she wanted us to call her Rosie. I figured this was the name that she wanted to be known to distance herself from the name she had as a boy. Rosies (I should start calling her by that name as this was her wish) Big sister smiled and said that Rosie was a sweet name. I smiled as well and told her that we could respect her wish. I also told her not to be sad if we sometimes called her Jordan as we have been doing this for 11 years.

While her sister and I could accept the new name, my husband did not. He was angry and now refused to speak with Rosie.
" Can you not see there is no end to this nonsense?" he said
" What do you mean?"
" He was born a boy and wanted us to accept he is a girl. He wanted us to accept that he was reincarnated. He then started acting like a baby toddler girl and still does this. Now he wants us to call him another name. What will be next, that thinks he was kidnapped by aliens or he wants us to consider him a dog?"
" Why do you not try to understand Rosie? She is a girl! She thinks like one, acts like one and looks like one. Why do you not love her for the way she is and not what you want her to be?"
" We are his parents and we are supposed to guide him and tell him what is right and wrong. All this is so wrong! You are just mother cuddling him and letting him go deeper into this hole of unreality. You need to be more strict and not so soft!"
"That will not happen. Have you considered that Rosie has been so depressed lately? She has been bullied and teased at school. This could be the reason why she has regressed and started acting like a toddler. She cannot help the way she feels and she is very honest and brave in showing the world who she is. We need to support her and let her express herself. If this means being a girl that wants to be called Rosie, then we must embrace it. We also need to consider a new school where she is not bullied. I am sure this will make Rosie happier and not need to find safety and comfort by acting like a toddler."

My husband snapped and said he would not send Rosie to a private school. He now refused to speak with Rosie or even me. He refused to be in the same room as us. I could understand some things that he said. Was Rosie transgender because being a rainbow child was the fad? Was the pride movement confusing my child? Did Rosie have a problem with reality and fantasy? Children did not come with a manual and I did not know what to do. All I knew was that my husband's approach to punishment and not speaking with Rosie was the wrong approach.

It was my oldest child that gave me the best advice. She was not blind and knew that my husband and I have been fighting and that my husband was isolating himself from the family. Emma told me that she loved Rosie...
"It takes courage," she said, "Rosie could have just been silent and not told anyone that she was a girl. She could have been silent about thinking she is reincarnated. She told us and this has given her lots of problems. The school has been hell for her. Her own father and mother are fighting and she thinks it's her fault. Dad hardly even speaks with her anymore."
"I know all this," I replied. "I love both my children, At times, I feel powerless and confused and do not know what to do"
"Think of what Rosie is feeling. Listen to her and do not judge her. When Rosie told me she wanted to be called Rosie, she told me. I did not say a lot but she was happy
that she could open her heart to me and I listened. She needs a parent that will also listen to her and be there for her. She needs unconditional love!"

It was a bit embarrassing my daughter had to tell me to get my act together. I could see that I was thinking of my own feelings and the confusion was based on Rosie's behaviour versus social norms and religious doctrine. The psychologist tried telling me what to do and now my daughter. Rosie needed a mother that would listen. Listening is a talent that most people do not have and can help with so many problems. Rosie did not need a mother that was worried or confused about what action to take. She needed a mother that would listen and understand her and accept her.

I went to Rosie's bedroom and asked her why did she pick that name? Rosie told me that it was the name she had in her previous life. She remembered her parents and she remembered where she lived. She remembered that she was studying at university. She also remembered many things that she was taught in school in her previous life. All this made me ask her if she considered us our family. Rosie hugged me and told me not to be foolish. I was her mother now and she loved me. Imagine what would happen if she met her mother in her previous life. She would not believe in reincarnation and would think that this was a cruel trick. Rosie told me that she now had a new life and she would live this life as best as she could. It was hard for her at school and she had no friends. She smiled and said she was happy that she was allowed to be a girl and had a mother and sister that loved her.

I tried telling her that her Dad loves her and would accept her in time. Rosie shrugged her shoulders and said, "All Dads are the same. I do not need them"

I took Rosie and Emma on a shopping trip. I loved these trips as we could shop and have a good time. This trip was different. As we were walking through the mall, Rosie suddenly stood and looked very pale. Then she ran up to an old woman and hugged her. Rosie was now crying and calling the old woman her mother. I panicked once again and tried explaining to the woman that Rosie believes that she was her previous mother. The old woman was silent for a while and then asked if my daughter's name was Rosie.

The old man that was with the old woman told Rosie to leave them alone. Rosie looked at him and suddenly looked very mad. She told the man that he was not to talk to her. Rosie said that the old man murdered her. She did not want to talk with him! The man went very pale and in fact we just all stood there and were trying to think what we should say. I finally told Rosie that we should leave these two people alone and do some shopping. Before we left these people, the old woman put a piece of paper in my hand and told me to ring her.

It was her telephone number.

On the way home, Rosie was very quiet. I told Rosie that the old woman gave me her telephone number and I would ring her and ask if we can visit her. Rosie cheered up and even told her father when we came home. I had to explain to him what happened.

Later, when my husband was alone, he told me how could I have let Rosie embarrass our family by hugging a strange woman. I tried explaining the whole situation to him. The response from my husband shocked and saddened me. He started talking about how ashamed he was of Rosie. This was the last draw. I told my husband to pack his bags and leave the house. I no longer wanted him in my or my children's lives. After a lot of shouting and arguing, he finally did pack his bags. I told him it was either I left with the children or he left.

For the next few weeks, I was dealing with the separation. I knew that it would end in divorce. This was hard for me. I still loved my husband and he was the love of my life. At the same time, I did not want his negativity to make things worse for my children. He should not be around a child that he was ashamed of. Rosie did not need to know this. The fact is that after my husband left, Rosie was smiling more. She still acted like a toddler, but at least she was smiling again!

I visited the old woman while her husband was out of the house. She told me the reason why she was surprised my daughter's name was Rosie...
"You see," she explained, "my daughter's name was also Rosie. Your daughter reminded me so much of her. She was such a nice child and made everyone around her happy. She would light up the room with her smile and charm. We had a happy family. When Rosie was 18 years old, she wanted to study to be a teacher. She wanted to help children. We were so proud. She had a boyfriend that my husband did not like because he was a refugee from the Middle East. It saddened me that Rosie had no choice but to announce she would be living with him. She never did move in with her boyfriend. A week before she was supposed to move, she disappeared. We have not heard from her since. This was 14 years ago. I always hoped she just moved far away from us to have a peaceful life but everyone thinks she was murdered."

She showed me a picture of her Rose. She looked so similar to my daughter. I told her everything about Rosie from being transgendered to saying that she was reincarnated. The old woman said this was so bizarre. She did not know what to believe. She did ask me if Rosie could visit her. I agreed and said it would make my daughter so happy.

I did some research on this woman's daughter. Everything was true to what she said. Her daughter never was found. This made me think. I asked Rosie did she know where she was buried in her previous life. Rosie nodded and told me that she knew where and she knew who murdered her. She asked me if she could visit the place. After I thought about it for some days, I agreed to do it and suggested that we should tell the police.

Of course, we did not tell the police that Rosie thought she was reincarnated. Rosie showed me where she was buried in her previous life. It was in some woods and there was no sign that anyone was buried there. Yet I visited the police and told them that I suspected a body was there. The police and I went to the spot. I did not want Rosie there as she was still a child. After some time, the police did find a body buried. The body was identified as the old ladies missing daughter. This shocked me. Could Rosie in fact be reincarnated? It would explain everything

I told the police that they should investigate the old woman's husband. I was hoping they would not ask me how I knew this. They would never believe that Rosie told me that her dad in her previous life killed her. As it turns out, Rosie was right again. When the police interviewed the old woman's husband, he confessed to murdering his daughter. He did it in a rage because she insisted on moving in with her husband

So what about now? I am a divorced woman. We have no contact with my ex-husband. He has a new wife. I do believe that Rosie was reincarnated. It explains why she felt like a girl all along and could point out where she was murdered in her previous life. I have enrolled her in another school and she is very happy there. Since Rosie started at the new school, she made new friends that know she is transgender. Rosie even stopped acting like a toddler although she still does wet the bed. On top of all this, we visit the old woman every week. Her husband is now in jail. Rosie calls her grandmother, otherwise, she says it gets too confusing. We are planning that the old lady will move in with us and be officially part of our family... a grandmother for Rosie and Emma and a mother for me.

Life is strange and unpredictable. I have learned that love and understanding and respect are the answer to many problems.

The End