Chapter 1
Arrival

As long as I can remember, I have always had a bit of a thing about wildlife and plants, whilst most of the other boys who were my friends throughout the formative years at school were into sports of various kinds or glued to their computers or game stations.

Because I was a weedy kid and always got roughed up a bit in contact sports, and with mild asthma I was never going to excel in athletics, I tended to be a bit of a bookworm spending hours in the library while my classmates were running around getting dirty and sweaty out in the sports field.

After school hours when the others were hanging out together in coffee bars or games arcades I just left them to it and did my own thing. I was always more interested in going on rambles in the local woods or on the moors rising up behind the family farm. I was fascinated by the many species of birds that I came across, and the occasional deer, badgers ,foxes, or other wild animals that I often heard or caught a glimpse of. As I got older, my interests widened from just observing wildlife to include the environmental impact from the way we lived our lives had on wild fauna and flora.

It was a logical step that when I finished schooling that I enrolled for a degree course in Environmental Science (Ecosystem Management) at Newcastle University, about 25 miles from my home on a hill farm near Bardon Mill in the remote south-western fringes of Northumberland.

The course modules were a bit ‘pick-and-mix’ depending on what each of us was interested in or saw as a future career. A lot of the time I found that I was the only boy in a class, green-awareness’and biodiversity definitely seemed to have more appeal to the girls, most of the boys doing the course were more into landscape and estate management.

Throughout my first year at university, I began to regularly socialise with many of the girls that I shared classes with. Eventually I found that I had very few close male friends, and became the only boy in a close circle of friends, Judy, Rachel, Kathy, Nicola, and Zara, I was often out with them in pubs, clubs, cinema and theatre nights and I was comfortable in their company and they were happy for me to be with them. Being out with them, with my shoulder length hair, normally tied in a low ponytail, with being very short and slim for a boy, and wearing slim fit jeans and a long thick woolen jumper, I was often mistaken for another one of the girls, which usually gave them a chance for a good laugh, but with no nastiness intended.

One night before the end of the spring term, we were in the bar having beers as a change from the white wine that the girls normally preferred, when Zara pulled a leaflet out of her bag. “Has anyone seen this? They are looking for volunteers for a four-week conservation course up in the wilds of Kielder Forest. In future years it is a requirement of part of our course to do something like this as work experience for our future careers, but I was thinking that it would be a good idea to jump the gun and have a go this summer. It’s unpaid and involves bit of physical work, but board and lodging and wet-weather clothing is all provided, all we would have to supply ourselves are our clothes and personal items.

“I’m up for it, it’s exactly what I would have chosen if I had seen it first.” I was the first to jump in, “I’ve nothing planned for the summer, my parents are off on a fly-cruise so there is no point going back home. Anyone else interested?”

“ That’s a good start Lyndsay, come on girls let’s have some more.” Zara looked around at the others.

Surprisingly, all the girls agreed as they felt that as well as an educational credit, it would also be a good chance to socialise without the pressures of day-to-day study reining them in. In common with most other student groups, we had another beer to celebrate, it was a much pleasanter way to seal an agreement than a handshake or high-five.

The term was soon over and we started preparations for our working holiday. We had to clear our rooms in the halls of residence as they were to reused for summer school attendees, and even as hostel accommodation. As none of us were going home, all the stuff we did not need was packed away in locked storage until we returned to start our studies again.

We found that it was not as straightforward to get to Kielder and to the camp lodges where we would be staying as we first thought, public transport was virtually none existent and none of us had cars big enough to take us all along with our gear. Luckily Kathy had an ex-boyfriend who used to play in a band and he still had a beaten-up old Ford Transit van, which was littering the road outside his parents’ house, that he was prepared to loan us for all the summer.

We packed our rucksacks with all our necessary belongings into the back of the van, created a bit of a nest for Nicola and me in amongst the luggage in the back, and the others settled into the seats in the cab for the long drive over the wild moorland up to Kielder Forest and the man-made Kielder Water, a huge reservoir created as a catchment for the water supply to the major conurbations downstream near the coast.

Our lodges were in a remote part of the forest park and the tracks up to it were not really suitable for the old van. The conservation rangers had an arrangement with one of the nearby campsites that their volunteers could leave their vehicles in their car park which would otherwise have been expensive for our 4-week stay if we were forced to use the public carpark at the visitor centre. However it meant that we still had a 2 mile trek to get to the site, carrying the heavy backpacks with all our belongings.

We were most of the way to our base and crossing a flimsy plank bridging over an inlet to the main lake when Nicola missed her footing, slipped and fell over into the water. She was struggling, the large heavy rucksack she was carrying was restricting her movements and dragging her down. Without thinking, I was the first to react, jumped in after her, and soon managed to help her get back to the bank. We were both tired soaked and cold, but had no choice but to continue on our way to the base camp.

Zara went into the Rangers’ office to book us in and was soon back with a big grin on her face.

“Come on girls that is our lodge over there, let’s get in, Nicky and Lyndsay can get hot showers and change out of their wet clothes. I can then tell you all what the Rangers have planned for us.

“Damn, all my stuff is sodden, it will have to be washed and dried.” cried out Nicola.

“Don’t worry, between us we can sort something out for you.” Zara offered.

“What about you Lyndsay, how’s your stuff, is it as bad as mine?”

“It’s just as bad I’m afraid, there is nothing that is firt to wear without a trip to the laundry?”

“Go and get your shower Lyndsay, we’ll see what we can find for you.”

I entered the shower, stripped off, left my clothes just outside, and gave myself a long hot clean. After I dried off I suddenly remembered about my clothes, which seemed to have all disappeared, presumably taken off to the laundry I didn’t have a lot of choice so I wrapped a towel around my waist and went back to the bunk room to be stared at by four pairs of eyes.

“Hey Lyndsay, you can’t walk around like that, we’ve left some clothes on your bunk which should fit you. They might not be your normal style, but it’s the best we can do, they’ll have to do until Kathy gets back from the laundry room with clean and dry stuff.”

Embarrassed, I found that they had left me a pair of cotton panties, stretch leggings and a long chunky wool jumper.

“I can’t wear these, I’ll just wait until Kathy gets back.”

“Don’t be silly, they are only clothes, they are not going to bite you. They’ll keep you decent for a while, just put them on, you can’t sit around in a towel.” Rachel glared at me, daring me to refuse.”

Reluctantly I put on the stuff they had given me, the panties were just plain cotton so weren’t too girly, the leggings were not much tighter than the skinny jeans I normally wore, and the jumper, although a bit colourful was just a jumper, so what?

“You need to comb out your hair Lyndsay, otherwise it will dry all tatty, sit down and let me do it for you, it’s years since my sister and I used to comb out each others hair, I’m a bit out of practice but I’ll see what I can do.” Rachel offered. I thought ‘Why not, she is right, it is difficult to get the tats out sometimes.”

Rachel hadn’t quite finished my hair when Kathy returned and it was still hanging loose down to my shoulders with a centre-parting. Kathy had one of the Rangers with her that she had met at the laundry room.

“Hi girls, I’m Mark, I’ll be your team leader for your stay here, thanks for volunteering, I promise not to work you too hard. It makes a change to get a full team of girls, usually we only get one or too, I’m hoping that we can prove to the other teams, that are all boys, that you are as good as them. There aren’t too many rules, you’ll pick them up as you go along. The only one that we are strict on is that you girls stay in this hut and the boys stay in the others at the opposite side of the clearing. Anyone breaking that rule will be instantly sent home, we have a duty of care to you all, particularly to you girls, and take the issue seriously. Settle in and we’ll see you later in the community hut for dinner.

“What was all that about Kathy, he kept referring to all of us as girls, I had better go and arrange to move into the other hut.”

“I’ve looked up our registration details and have just found a mistake in the booking and was going to tell you.” Zara interrupted, “When I booked us in they had seen your name along with ours which are all obviously girls’ names and assumed that you were another one too. Why not just stay here with us, we came as a group of friends and always intended to spend the summer together?”

“ But I’m not a girl, if they find out I will be sent home and I really want to do this course.”

“In that case, you better make sure that nobody finds out, you’ll just have to be a girl for the next four weeks, we won’t tell if you don’t”

“But I don’t look like a girl or sound like a girl, or act like a girl, it’ll never work.”. I tried to argue with them but by sheer weight of numbers they wore me down.

“When Mark was in he just saw you as one of the girls, he obviously didn’t see anything unusual in you.” Judy added.

“If you transferred to the boys’ hut, how long do you think it will take before they find out that Mark saw you looking and dressed like a girl, and then your life would not be worth living.” Rachel put the pressure on me.

“You possibly saved my life earlier Lyndsay, please stay with us. Would you rather be in here with your friends, or in with a strange set of people that you don’t know from Adam. We came as a group let’s stay together.” pleaded Nicola. ”What harm can it do, you know us all really well, and if we’re happy for you to be here, what’s your problem? We’ll all be working together as a group and most of the time we will be in work clothes of jeans and anoraks, they might be girls’ jeans but they aren’t much different. Come on, it could be fun, seeing life from the other point of view.”

“Won’t it restrict you walking around in your nightwear or coming out of the shower with just a towel around you? Are you all ok with me being here, won’t it get embarrassing and awkward?”

“Don’t be silly, why should it be embarrassing, you will be doing exactly the same. For the next few weeks you will just be Lyn, another one of our group.” Kathy replied quickly, adding to the salvo of comments coming at me from all directions.

“As I said before, I don’t know the first thing about living as a girl.”

“You had better start learning then, and fast, if you want to go to get your dinner tonight. How many times when you have been out with us have people mistaken you for one of us girls, and that is without you even trying. I am not being nasty when I say this, but you are about the same size as the rest of us, you are lucky that you have next to no facial hair, you even talk like us sometimes. You will be even more convincing if you let us tidy you up a bit, style your hair instead of just tying it back, a bit of makeup and hey-ho ‘Bob’s your Auntie’. Come on let us see what we can do.” Judy closed the case for the prosecution and I was struggling to come up with any counter arguments.

“OK OK,OK you all win, I’ll go along with it, but you lot have to take it seriously too, I don’t want any name-calling or snide remarks. Do what you have to do with me.”

The girls went into a huddle to sort out who was going to do what to me, and broke up with giggles. They sat me down and while Judy was attacking my hair with a styling brush, Nicola was cleaning up and painting my toenails and Kathy was doing my fingernails.

“You really need to stop biting your fingernails Lyn, I’ve done the best I can, but you really need add-ons, butthey are the last thing that I thought to bring with me to a working camp. I’ll put a brighter coat of polish on for tonight, but if we are working during the days it will get chipped, so normally you should just use a clear protective coat.”

While all this was going on Rachel and Zara disappeared for a while, but came back smiling and gave the girls a thumbs up.

“Ok Lyn, before I brush out your hair, take off your jumper , there is something we need to do.” Judy told me. More giggles all round.

I take it you know what a bra is and what it is for, even though you’ve, hopefully, never worn one yourself, you are now about to learn how to use one. She stood in front of me, put the straps over my arms and fastened it at the back, leaving me looking bewildered.

“Don’t worry, we are not finished yet, if you are going to pass as a girl you need breasts, you’d be pretty weird without them. Obviously that is not something we can sort out quickly, but Rachel and Zara have raided the kitchen store and have come back with two bags of rice, it’s the best we can do at the moment. She fitted the bags in the bra cups, fiddled about a bit until they were happy with the shape. “ There you are Lyn, you now look as well endowed as the rest of us, unless you wear something too revealing nobody will be able to tell.”

They had decided that, partly to make an impression on the boys at the other end of the site, and partly to overemphasise my femininity, that we would all wear skirts rather than the more practical trousers they would be wearing for most of our time here.

“Ok Lyn there is a skirt and top on your bunk go and get changed and I’ll finish off your hair and do your makeup.”

As I got changed into the short flared kilt and v-neck pink top with lace trim I noticed that they were all stripping off and changing without any shyness and made no allowances for the fact that I was in the room with them. Obviously it was something that I would have to get used to. They said that they were going to treat me as one of them, and they meant it, for the next four weeks I would have to adjust to life as Lyn.

As Judy brushed out my hair and did my makeup she gave a running commentary on what she was doing. “You will have to learn to do this yourself Lyn, I can’t do this for you all the time, you should soon get the hang of it. There you are, all done, there’s a full length mirror in the bathroom, go and have a look at yourself and see what you think.”

My eyes almost popped out of my head at the reflection that came back to me, Judy had done an amazing job, and, visually at least, there was no way anyone would take me for anything but a girl. My hair seemed to have doubled in volume and was sitting in waves from the crown down to my shoulders with a long loose fringe at the front, the makeup made me look as if I belonged in here with the girls. The bra inserts looked so realistic, I just hoped nobody would get the chance to give them a feel, as they might look ok, but did not feel anything like the real thing. She had done her best with my looks, it was now up to me to act the part successfully.

I went back out into the bunk room to find they were all waiting for me.

“Ok Lyn are you ready to go, it’s a mild night so you don’t need a coat, but here’s a bag for you, we’ve already put in all the essentials you will need, so slip it over your shoulder and we’ll go to see what the opposition is like.”

To say that when we all walked into the mess room that it caused a stir is an understatement .The lads sitting around, mainly in jeans and t-shirts, couldn’t believe their eyes when we all strutted in, all dressed up and looking like we had just made their dreams come true. There was a rush to introduce themselves, almost tripping over each other in the process. The girls took it all in their stride, in fact they played it all up a notch, they were determined to make an impression. I had been told to just follow their lead and copy their actions, and just smiled at the lads in turn as we made our way to our table.

After our dinner it was more of a get-to-know-you social session. The lads started first. Giving their names, where they were from, what they were studying and why they were volunteering. Zara took on the role of our team leader, telling them that we were all at Newcastle University studying Environmental Science then left us to individually give our own personal answers.

I was dreading my turn but couldn’t really back down, so using a breathy husky voice I often fell into when out with the girls, I introduced myself.

“Hi, I’m Lyndsay, my friends call me Lyn. Like all of you I’ve a committed deep-rooted interest in the future of our planet and the damage we are causing to the environment. I hope that my time here will help me along the path to achieve my dream of making a difference.”

The girls looked at me, surprised that I managed to make my little speech, most of them had just given their names. They all smiled or winked at me, as if to say ‘well done’.

It was soon time to go back to our hut and, leaving Judy behind as she wanted to ask Mark some questions, walking back we felt the cold a bit on our bare legs and were glad to get back inside.

“That went well, but I think that in future we should stick to trousers in the late evenings, and just dress up for special occasions, although I definitely think that we made a big impression tonight.” Zara was the first to speak. “You went down a treat Lyn and seemed quite at ease, for your first night out you did ever so well.”

“I was so nervous when I first went in, but if this is going to work, I have to learn to accept what I am doing and will try my best to relax and blend in with the rest of you. As you say, I agree that we made an impact tonight, but what we are mainly here for is to learn more about the ecological programmes going on, and we need to make an impression with the work we do and show the boys that we are as good as they are, if not better.”

“ Wow girls, it looks like not only have we created a girl, but we now also have a firebrand feminist cheerleading equality.” Nicola gasped, patting me on the shoulder.

“ Right girls, Judy said when she got back, “we have an early start in the morning, breakfast at 8:00, so we better get cleaned up and ready for bed.”

While the others were sorting themselves out, she came over to me and gave me a pot of cream and makeup remover pads. “Make sure you clean off all your makeup and rub in some moisturiser to do its work overnight. I’ve left a set of pyjamas for you which should fit you comfortably. This may sound strange as none of us will be doing the same, but keep on your bra and leave in the falsies, you need to get used to them, and wear your panties too, the sleep set will not hold you in place it is only a light material.”

She was right, although she called them pyjamas, the top was a scooped-neck, half sleeved light nylon and the bottoms were a matching pair of very loose, quite flimsy, shorts. Nevertheless and despite all the events and traumas of the day, I slept really well.

To be continued

“Right girls, Judy said when she got back, “we have an early start in the morning, breakfast at 8:00, so we better get cleaned up and ready for bed. Despite all the strange and new experiences, events and traumas of the day, I surprisingly slept really well.

In the hazy time between sleep and being fully awake I heard one of the girls up and about in the early morning. Although our meals were in the communal hut, we had our own drink making facilities and when I dragged myself out of bed, Nicola already had the kettle on for coffees. As she was still in her nightie, I just went over in my pyjamas to see if I could help.

“Morning, Lyn, did you sleep well?”

“Surprisingly, yes, I thought that it might be chilly in these light pyjamas but I was ok.”

“They look good on you, don’t worry about us all wandering round in our nightwear, until I’ve had my coffee I can’t be bothered to get properly dressed, and besides you look the same as us now anyway. Wake the others up we need to get dressed and ready for breakfast.”

“Ok, I’ll go and give them a shake.”

“Before you do that though, you need to sort your boy bits out, they are showing through those flimsy shorts. If you have ever seen Drag Race you will remember that some of those guys wear very revealing outfits but as far as you can tell they look down below just like girls do. It might look better if you do what they do and tuck everything back between your legs and wear really tight knickers, give it a go and see how you feel about it.”

The others soon joined us and we had time for a quick chat before getting dressed.

“Right girls, I had a talk with Mark last night and we’ll be going on a bit of a trek around today to get a feel for the place and an outline of what we’ll be doing for the next few weeks, so it’s outdoor wear today, jeans or leggings , a light top with an extra jumper that can be on or off depending how warm we feel , thick socks and walking boots, he’ll provide anoraks. He also suggested that we use a sun-screen moisturiser unless any of you want to get a dried- out weatherbeaten look, it can be quite exposed up here.” Zara told us.

“I’ll dig something out for you for today Lyn,” offered Judy, “when we get back we’ll all pool together things for you so you can look after your own stuff. You might want to add a bit of mascara too, and obviously lippy, us girls feel half-naked without that. Most of us will be tying our hair up today it’s a bit breezy to let it all blow around, maybe though instead of your tight low ponytail, we should tie it a bit higher up, it will look a lot more feminine, particularly as your hair is still fluffed up and a bit bouncy from how I styled it last night.”

After breakfast, before we set off we were given a lecture on Health & Safety rules by Mark, “Stick together in groups don’t wander off on your own, if you feel any pain, shout out, don’t worry about being thought of as a wimp, if you see any adders let everyone know, we have got anti-venom but I’d rather avoid the need for it. The other thing is please let me know if you see any grey squirrels, we are now trying to limit their numbers to give the native red ones a chance to thrive, and we set traps for them.Today is mainly familiarisation but if I see or hear anything interesting we will stop while I tell you about it, and you do the same for me.”

It wasn’t too strenuous a day, at least not for me, a circular route about 5 miles out and 5 miles back. Some of the paths were badly eroded by walkers, or just by the weather, and repairs would be part of our duties. Tree boxes for the Red Squirrels needed cleaning out or new ones put up, Kielder, and North Northumberland in general, is one of the few areas of England where they hadn’t been driven out by their American Grey cousins, and any trees damaged by bark stripping by the Roe deer population needed replacement. There was plenty to start on over the next few days. It wasn’t all work planning though we were all delighted to see an active badger sett, they mostly only came out in the evening or at night, but playful young cubs were being shepherded back into the sett as we approached. We heard a lot of noise from the deer, and got an occasional glance of one, probably male, or a group, probably female, running across our path. By the time we got back to base, I had enjoyed my time out with the others and almost forgot the situation I was in and just went along doing whatever the others were doing.

Back in the hut we all changed into clean dry clothes, but tonight it was just fresh versions of what we had been wearing through the day. Nicola went around the others and came over to me with a new pack of panties, another bra and a couple of new tops, another pair of jeans, and a pair of sandals. The girls had definitely come prepared with plenty spare stuff.
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“That should do you for the next couple of days Lyn. As you have not got much, unless any of your boy clothes could be seen to be acceptable as unisex, you need to keep on top of your washing so that you always have clean stuff, you can’t expect us to keep digging into our own stock.”

I thought that I now had almost as much girls’ clothing as my own stuff that I had brought with me. But then girls won’t wear the same shirts for days on end, never mind how frequently, or actually infrequently, that I normally changed my underwear.

Our second night at dinner was more relaxed than the first, helped by the fact that we were all dressed very casual, or at least what looked casual. It’s amazing how much effort the girls made to look as if they’ve just thrown themselves together quickly.

A couple of the lads had brought guitars with them and another had a ‘penny whistle’ and they kept us entertained all evening, mainly folk or country songs and tunes, but it was mostly join-in-able.We were all in a good mood when we got back to the hut and quickly get changed for bed but sat around chatting with mud of cocoa for a while. I was not nearly as self-conscious sitting with them all dressed only in our nightwear, they said that they would be treating me as another girl and I was beginning to accept that and just looked on them as friends that I was staying with and enjoying the company of.

The next two days we were put to work repairing eroded footpaths, shoring up edges, resetting step thresholds that had been pushed into the softer slopes. It was not the most stimulating work, but it was an essential part of maintaining the paths and in its own way was enjoyable and rewarding.

When we got back to the hut there were a collection of parcels waiting for Judy, which she picked up and dropped on my bunk. “I ordered some clothes for you, add them to what you have already been given, it’ll save you having to borrow from us. Nothing exciting, some jeans and leggings, tops, some jumpers, two skirts, more panties - you can’t have enough, a couple of bras, a pair of shoes and another pair of sandals, some makeup and a colour palette of your own, and of course I just had to get you a gorgeous red mini-dress too.”

“Thank you Judy, you shouldn’t have bothered, I don’t need so much stuff.”

“You’ll be surprised, I bet at the end of the four weeks that there will be very little still unused. Oh, I almost forgot.” she said with a big grin, “ I’ve a special surprise for you, take off your top and bra, and close your eyes and keep them closed.” Wondering what she was up to, I did as I was told and suddenly felt something cold on my chest, and couldn’t keep them closed any longer. I looked down to see that she was holding something pressed to my chest.

“Now you are back with us, you’ll see that I have attached breast forms to you, those bags of rice did the job for a few days, but these are a lot more realistic. Take over from me, and hold them tight to your chest for a few minutes until the glue grips properly.”

“Glue?, you mean that they are not removable?”

“That’s right, they should hold for the rest of the time that we are here, you can even have a shower and wash them. When we leave I have some solvent to remove them, but I’m hiding that, you are now having to live with the bother of breasts jiggling around whenever you move, like the rest of us, until it is time to leave”

“Why do I need them?”

“As I said the rice bags were not very realistic. With these, you effectively are now the same as us, at least up top, so there need be no embarrassment when we are changing, you’ll not be seeing anything different to what you have yourself. You will also be pleased that you will no longer need to wear your bra 24 hours a day, you’ll find it a nice relief to take it off at the end of the day. Put your bra back on now, let me have a look to make sure they are fixed ok.”

I stood up, and was surprised at the sensation, the weight of the forms pulling on my chest skin was totally different to having the rice bags in the bra cups. I was glad to put the bra back on and take some of the weight onto my shoulders.

“That should do you Lyn, they are better than I expected, almost totally natural looking. Put your top on and we’ll join the others.”

The girls must have known what was happening as when we joined them, they were all staring at my chest.

“Give us a flash then Lyn, this we have to see.” Shrieked Nicola.

I pulled off my top to give the a full view and twirled around so they could see them from all directions.

“OMG, they are so realistic, just look at the cleavage girls.” Rachel added.

“I hope some of those new tops that Judy bought for you show your new friends off, it will be a shame to hide them.” joked Kathy, “ You’ve definitely got it now girl, you have to flaunt it.”

I put my top back on, deciding that the peep show had gone on long enough.“ This stuff must have all cost a fortune, it’s very kind of you Judy.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Judy replied, My parents are both lawyers and are quite well off, I get a very generous clothing allowance from them and very rarely spend much of it, the others all chipped in too. Although you have known us for the uni year, you’ve never really been a part of the group, as a boy you were always on the fringe of some of our get-togethers, this is our welcome gift to you. Enjoy it all while you can.”

I actually felt tears forming in my eyes, something that I rarely did, and went round to each of them in turn giving them a thank-you hug.

Before went off for dinner, I changed into my new jeans and one of my new tops, a sleeveless scoop-neck strappy style that Judy picked out for me, which I thought was too revealing, but she insisted that there was no need to be embarrassed about showing a bit, or even a lot, of cleavage. “Look Lyn we keep telling you that you are a girl now, at least while we are here, us girls wear tops like that, sometimes even more exposed, you have to get used to how we all dress and follow suit otherwise you will stand out.”

I was pleased to see that the other girls were wearing something similar and although I felt half-naked in such a skimpy top I didn’t look any different to the others and they didn’t seem bothered about what they were showing.

“Come-on you lot, the Kielder Girls have all worked hard today and we need to go for our dinner.” Zara chivvied us up.

After dinner, Mark and another of the rangers, Gary, who was looking after the lads told us to go and put on something warm, especially us girls, as there was something he wanted us all to see.

After nightfall, the sky was cloudless and in the dark-sky area of Kielder the display of stars filled the sky from horizon to horizon. It was an awesome sight, one that I would never forget. The stars were so numerous and bright that it was difficult to pick out the constellations that we were all familiar with. I was enthralled by it all and standing transfixed by the incredible beauty when I sensed someone near me, and found Rob, one of the boy volunteers standing beside me, gazing in the same direction as me.

“Gorgeous, isn’t it, I’ve never seen anything like it, isn’t that the Cassiopeia constellation in among that cluster, it is hard to tell.” He said pointing up with his left arm while putting his right across my shoulder. Although it gave me a warm feeling, confirming that I was now accepted as Lyn, there was no magic buzz there, I might look totally convincing as a girl, but my mind and my sexual orientation had not changed.

I smiled up at him, “It’s delightful Rob, I wish I had my camera with me.”

“I’ve taken a few photos , if they turn out ok when I download them, I’ll send you copies to your phone.”

Having heard lots of stories from the girls over the past year, I thought, “Very smooth, good move, that’s one way to get my phone number.”

“It’ll be better if you email them to me, I can then look them up on my computer, the images will be much better.” I thought “If you want to play games with me, you are going to have to try harder than that.” I gave him my email address, thanked him for his offer and went back to the girls. After another half-hour staring at the spectacle in the sky we all made our way back to our huts, and while we were walking I noticed Rob occasionally glancing over towards me.

We got changed for bed, Judy was right it was a relief to take off the bra, even if the free movement of my breasts beneath the pyjama top while we were chatting felt very strange.

“Hey girls, did anyone else notice the looks our Lyn was getting from that bit of a hunk. She’s only been a girl for a few days and already has the boys chasing her.” Kathy teased me.

Blushing deeply, I mumbled “We were only talking about the stars and he promised to send me some photos he had taken.”

“I hope that you didn’t give him your phone number Lyn, you don’t want to get a stalker.”

“No chance, I’ve heard too many of your stories over the last few months and won’t trust any of the boys unless I get to know them better.”

“You better have these Lyn. “ Rachel said as she threw over a box to me.

“What on earth do I need sanitary pads for, don’t be silly.”

“If you think that you might get into a petting situation put one in your panties before you meet up, nothing puts the boys off more than the thought of periods.” causing nods and groans from the other girls.

“Just think yourself lucky that you will never need them for real.” Rachel continued. “ If men ever had to suffer period pains, even once or twice, never mind every month for 30 years or so, they would find a cure for all the discomfort and bother tomorrow.”

“You’re a bit tetchy tonight Rachel, have you come on?” Asked Judy sympathetically.

“Too bloody right I have, if that is not a bad choice of words, I started last night, that’s why I was up so early this morning.. I get the cramps really bad, so count me out for tomorrow, I doubt that I will feel much like bending down tidying the paths or planting trees.”

That started a discussion about who suffered the most and who had it easiest. Normally they would not have felt free to talk like that in front of me as Lyndsay, but everything was now different with me sitting there as Lyn in my sleep set with my breasts stretching the thin material.

“Sorry Lyn, it’s not your fault, but if I could get hold of God I would ring his neck for putting me through this every 4 weeks.” which caused a chorus of ‘Hear, hear’, “ it definitely proves that god is a man, and a sadist too.” before everyone, Rachel and me included, burst out laughing.

In the morning I felt bad about Rachel staying behind by herself, so I remained there to keep her company when the others went off to work for the day.

“I know I am not the best shoulder to cry on over this Rachel, but It’s me who is here. Let me know if there is anything I can do or get you, even if it is just to listen while you have a moan about men in your life, or men in general, I am a good listener.”

“Why are you doing this Lyn?”

“Let’s say that I am on a guilt trip on behalf of the male population, men always moan about their womenfolk getting grumpy and argumentative when they are on, but we can never realise what you go through. After all the things you all said last night, at least I now have a better idea. There may be nothing I can do to help, but at least you have my sympathy. At the risk of a violent reaction from you, look on the bright side, tomorrow or the day after, you will be over the worst and you can enjoy the rest of your time here, the other girls still have theirs to come.”

“I never thought of it like that, I get so wrapped up in myself when I am on. Oh Lyn, do we have to turn all men into women like we have done with you to get them to realise what we have to go through?”

I nearly argued back that I wasn’t intending to be turned into a woman, and that it was only for the duration of the camp, but the mood she was in I thought it best not to.

“You are really empathetic and genuinely caring Lyn and you have fitted in so well with the rest of us girls and adapted to the clothes and to the way we get on with each other, sometimes it is easy to forget that you are really a boy. Have you spent a lot of time with groups of girls before you met all of us?”

“Since you have been so open and honest with me about your intimate problems, I’ll let you into a few secrets about myself, but this is just between us, don’t tell the others please. I’ve been told that when I was a baby and toddler, Mum passed down to me a lot of clothes that my older sister Caroline had outgrown, most of it baby grows, sleep suits and things like that, but also a few baby dresses and tops and skirts. She used to enjoy dressing us similarly and taking us out together. That all ended when I started school, although she did like me to keep my hair long so that she could spend time brushing it out just like she did with Caroline.”

“There’s nothing unusual in that, you were probably too young to understand what was going on.” Rachel smiled and nodded.

“As we got older, because we live on a farm in a remote area, Caroline and I made our own games together, and we were probably a lot closer than most brothers and sisters. Sometimes we did boyish stuff, climbing trees, kicking balls around, fishing in the nearby brook, but often we played dress-up games, usually ending up with me in her skirts or dresses and with my hair brushed out or in bunches.”

“I used to do that with my younger brother too, he hated it, but went along with it as it passed the time and we enjoyed each others company.” She added. “Is that it, it does not explain how you so easily have adapted to living with us as a girl?”

“ In our early teens most of the neighbours of our age were girls and Caroline soon got friendly with a bunch of them, leaving me to amuse myself in my room, reading or playing computer games. One day, she was feeling sorry for neglecting me and suggested that I went along with her to meet her friends. Like you and the other girls hereThey were all quite welcoming to me and soon it became a regular thing. Just like here with you and the other girls, they soon got used to my company and tended to forget that I was a boy.

When they were starting to learn makeup and fancy hair styles, they included me as another one of the models to experiment on and soon when I was with them, other than the clothes I was wearing, I became virtually indistinguishable from them. One thing led to another and soon I was regularly wearing skirts and dresses, even when we went into the nearby towns for shopping, or just wandering around, I was just accepted as a girl by everyone we met, just like here. As we got older my mother caught me dressed up once and had a long serious talk with Caroline and me and convinced me that it was not a good idea, that I needed to develop myself more as a boy, or young man, and it all stopped.”

“I take it that when you met all of us and started hanging around with us that all the memories came back.”

“I had no intention of starting wearing skirts again even after I met you all, but I did find it easy to slip into girl-mode when I was in your company, because of all the time I had spent with Caroline and her friends, I just found it more relaxing being in your company and joining in your conversations than in the bar with the lads talking about cars and football and their sexual encounters with girls.”

“You seem very relaxed with us all, and comfortable living here as a girl. Just enjoy it for the next few weeks, don’t worry about whether it is right or wrong or whether you should be doing it. Forget that you are really a boy, you look like a girl, speak like a girl and as far as we are concerned while you are here, you are a girl, just live your life here as a girl, think and act as if it is the most natural thing in the world.”

“Thank you for listening and not making jokes or throwing insults at me, I really appreciate what you have said, you have become a really close friend that I can confide in.” I walked over to her, gave her a big hug and cried on her shoulder.”

“That’s a good girl, let it all out, have a good cry, that’s what us girls do with their close friends. Go and get your make up cleaned up, all the crying has made a right mess of it, you need to look presentable for when the others come back.”

To be continued.

After I had regained my composure, the rest of the day spent with Rachel was pleasant and enjoyable. We took a couple of chairs and a small table onto the deck outside the hut and sat in the warm midday sun chatting about life in general, our time at university, and naturally Rob and the other boys we had met at the welcome night and on the star-watch.

Later in the day Rachel was feeling a bit brighter and more comfortable and so we went out for a stroll around the immediate area surrounding the clearing for our base camp. There was nobody else about, everyone was out working in the forest, so we grabbed a packet of biscuits and made a flask of coffee and had a pleasant picnic sitting on the banks of the lake watching the geese starting to return ti the lake for their overnight stay, and the ospreys snatching fish to feed their young. We couldn’t have picked a more tranquil way to spend our summer break, it was so quiet relaxing and peaceful up here, well away from the bustle and stress of our university life in Newcastle.

The rest of the girls returned late afternoon, tired and ready to sit and relax for a while to recover from all their efforts clearing scrub and planting saplings. Although I had a very emotional day chatting to Rachel, it had been physically relaxing and I was full of energy, so I volunteered to go and see what biscuits and snacks I could find in the canteen and brewed up tea and coffee for everyone while they were all in getting showered, freshened up, and dressed in clean clothes.

“How did you and Lyn get on together today, has everything been ok? On the way out we thought that it might have been better if one of us had stayed with you instead of Lyn” Zara asked Rachel, while I was out of the room.

“Lyn was great, she was really good company. We had a long girly chat sharing our problems. I could talk to her more easily about my period problems than to most of the other girls I know, she is just full of sympathy and understanding. We went for a stroll down to the lake and had a bit of a picnic, just coffee and biscuits. She cheered me up no end and although it can’t get rid of the physical discomfort I am in a much better frame of mind, I’ll probably even join in the work team again tomorrow. You know what girls, I think that our Lyn makes a better woman than Lyndsay ever did as a man.”

“You might be right Rachel, but don’t let Lyn hear you saying that, it may disturb his male pride and we don’t want him to get uptight again, he is just getting relaxed about living amongst us as a girl.”

I returned to find them all smiling and chatting, but the conversation broke off when I entered, I just hoped that Rachel hadn’t said anything to them about my previous experiences as a girl when I was younger and mixing with my sister’s friends. However nobody mentioned it, and I assumed that she had kept her word.

“You missed your boyfriend Rob today Lyn, he was in the same work party as us and was asking where you were. He looked ever so disappointed that you weren’t up there with us planting new trees. He asked if you got the photos of the starry sky he sent over to you ok, he is probably looking for a thank-you reply from you.”

“Just so you all understand, he is not my boyfriend. To be honest although he is pleasant enough and I enjoyed chatting to him, I don’t want to encourage him. Even if things were different, ’holiday romances’ never seem to last very long once everyone returns to the real world. I know you are only trying to wind me up and not seriously expecting me to say that I’m sorry I missed him, but I don’t want to lead him on and I don’t want any of you to encourage him either.”

“Rob told us that it’s a shame but he and his team are leaving on Saturday morning, their booking here is coming to an end, and that we won’t all have much more time together. Before you snap at us again he meant all of us as a group not just you and him. He and his roommates all want to have a bit of leaving party and drinks after dinner on Friday, and it goes without saying that they would like us to be there too. It’s another chance for us all to get glammed up again.I don’t know about the rest of you but after spending the day in jeans and an anorak, down on my knees planting saplings, getting my hands dirty and scratched, I’m quite looking forward to getting dressed up and feeling feminine again.”

“That sounds like a really fun idea, it will be a nice way to end the week and say goodbye to them all.” I chipped in trying to be positive about a bit of a party, surprisingly actually looking forward to getting glammed up again like the rest of the girls.

The next few days we were all back in action again, carrying out repairs to some of the well-worn areas of the footpaths, fitting a handrail to the plank bridge where we had our accident as we arrived, and continuing to plant more young tree saplings Although a lot of the commercial forestry is done mechanically by enormous machines nowadays, the Rangers were trying not to disturb the beauty and tranquility of the area and protect it from the carnage that would be caused by the machines, so we were doing it the hard traditional way, dibbing holes, dropping the saplings in, and then foot-firming the soil around them.

Friday night soon came around and we were all ready to unwind. The farewell party was the last time that we would get to meet with Rob and the boys, as a new crew would be arriving on Saturday afternoon. We all spent a lot of time after we got back from our work-party getting dressed up again to give them happy memories of the time they had spent with us, instead of seeing us in our daily workwear of jeans, jumpers and anoraks. Judy did my hair with her styling brush again, and by the time I had put on my makeup and the new red dress that Judy had bought me, I looked at least as attractive as any of the other girls, although I did feel a bit exposed with the low-cut sweetheart neckline and high hemline of the dress.

“Does anyone think this dress is a bit skimpy for me, I’m not too sure that I am comfortable showing so much of my flesh?”

“At least that makes a change from the normal girlie question, ‘does my bum look big in this’. How many times do we have to tell you Lyn, that is how we wear all our clothes, tight and figure-hugging, especially when we are out to make an impression. Just be careful when you sit down and keep your knees together, you don’t want to go flashing what you have under your skirt. That dress I bought is ideal for you, so stop worrying.” replied Judy, “ Come on girls, let’s go and have a bit of fun and give the boys a treat.”

All the boys had made an effort too, wearing clean trousers and shirts, freshened up with showers shaves and after-shave, rather than the jeans and jumpers and quickly-brushed hair which they had all been wearing for their time at the camp. When we sashayed in dressed to the nines as if we were out for the night at the clubs and bars on the quayside in Newcastle, it definitely lifted the mood of the place and brought smiles of delight to their faces.

After the meal it was time for drinks and a bit of enjoyment. The guitars and the penny whistle were soon brought out again and we all had a bit of a sing-song of a lot of the folk songs and campfire type music until they livened it up a bit and started playing disco dance music through the sound system from someone’s iPad playlist that we could all get up to jig along to.

All that is except me, I had never been a dancer, not having any sense of rhythm and it was a physical impossibility for me to copy the hip-swivelling movements of the other girls so I just stayed in my seat taking it all in. That is until Rob came over, grabbed my hand and almost dragged me onto the dance floor. Awkwardly I moved around in time to the music but rhythm had never come easily to me and I was looking a bit gangly and uncoordinated, until Zara came over and interrupted us.

“Lyn do you mind if I have a dance with Rob, you can’t hog him all evening, go over and join Rachel and Kathy for a while, they don’t have partners at the moment.”

“What are you playing at Lyn, you are moving as gracefully as a baby elephant, watch what we are doing and try to copy us, just loosen up a bit and sway to the rhythm of the music.you are supposed to be having a good time” After a couple of dances I was moving a lot more freely, and getting in the mood, when Zara came back to join us.

“That’s a lot better now Lyn, you actually look like you are beginning to enjoy yourself, get yourself back over there and rejoin Rob and have a good time.”

The rest of the night was a lot pleasanter once I got in the mood and it finished off with a slow smoochy number. Rob pulled me closer with his arms around my waist and I clasped mine at the back of his neck, resting my cheek on his chest when suddenly I raised my head and our lips touched in a light kiss. I looked over his shoulder and the others were doing exactly the same with boys they had paired up with, so I thought I had better respond to him and it all turned into a long passionate kiss. I was dizzy with confusion, I felt a bit breathless and tingly, it was the first time for ages that I had felt like that, and the first time ever that I had kissed a boy. I was hoping that the others were not paired up for a last night of passion, a kiss was one thing, and quite enjoyable, but it just couldn’t go any further for me.

I was a bit unsure how to politely end my time with Rob without any embarrassment for either of us until I was rescued by Zara interrupting us “Come on dream girl, put the poor lad down, we have an early start in the morning, it’s time for us all to go.”

I gave Rob a last quick hug and a goodbye kiss and turned to go with Zara.

“I’ll keep in touch and drop you an email in a couple of weeks when you will be back home Lyn, It’s a shame that I have to leave tomorrow.” he promised, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath, and wasn’t sure that I really wanted to hear from him again.

“How was your first kiss then Lyn, you seemed to be enjoying yourself smooching with Rob, you and him will both be having all sorts of funny dreams about everything that happened tonight?”

“I just can’t please you lot can I, one minute you’re telling me to react like a girl, the next you’re trying to make me feel embarrassed when I do.” which caused them to smile and giggle and I ended up giggling with them too.

On Saturday, while we were all out working, Rob and the boys left, and as we returned we wondered what the new arrivals would be like.

When we entered our hut, we found that we had two new roommates. Claire and Josie, a couple of students from York university who were only to be here for a week to see if they liked it enough to sign up for a full month or more.

Obviously there could now be no mention of my life as Lyndsay with them around, as far as the newcomers were concerned I was Lyn, one of the group of girls that they had joined, and they treated me exactly as they did the others. Their presence curtailed any further discussions about me and for a few days all was forgotten and I just got on with my life as Lyn without regular friendly digs at me. On the Saturday morning they both left, promising to come back another time as they had so enjoyed our company and the friendly way we all had accepted them into our group, and there were just the six of us again.

On Sunday, which was a rest day for us, Zara came back from chatting to Mark. “Hey girls it’s a warm day, does anyone fancy joining me for a swim. It’s not really allowed in Kielder Water but Mark has said that there a couple of more remote tributaries deep enough to swim and mess about in where we would not be seen and would be perfectly safe. All the others jumped at the chance of a bit of relaxing fun away from the camp, it would make our time there seem more like a holiday break.

“I’m not too sure, I’d love too, but I haven’t got a swimsuit and I don’t think I would look right in one anyway, I haven’t exactly got a full feminine figure.”

“Don’t be stupid Lyn, a bikini like we will all be wearing might be taking it a bit too far, but I have a swimsuit that should fit you, you have the boobs to fill it out and your have done quite well hiding your boys’ bits. Don’t take offence at this, but it’s obvious that you have been tucking yourself for the last few days when Josie and Claire were here, and even when you are parading around the hut in your knickers it’s hard to tell sometimes that you are any different from us. Try the swimsuit on but wear a very tight pair of knickers underneath as an added precaution and we’ll see how good you look. Anyway it will only be the six of us, so what does it matter if you are not quite the perfect shape, not many girls have model-like figures.”

Although my waist, hips and backside were not remotely like those of the other girls, The swimsuit looked ok on me, to anybody who didn’t know me I was quite passable as a girl and they were happy for me to go with them. We all dressed for a summer day out, strappy tops and loose light skirts, and made our way around the lake to the spot that Mark had told us about.

We had a really enjoyable day, we had packed a picnic and drinks and spent all afternoon swimming and playing in the water, lying in the sun, and generally having fun. After an initial embarrassment and feeling awkward in the clingy swimsuit, I relaxed and joined in with everything and almost forgot that I was any different to the others.

Late afternoon it started to get cooler and we dressed, packed up, and made our way back to our hut in plenty time to sort ourselves out. Coordinating six girls, and I was now as bad as any of them, getting showered, dried, powdered, hair brushed out and dried, makeup applied, and dressed, even if it was only casual jeans and tops, was a bit of an exercise, but by the time we needed to leave for dinner we were all ready to go.

“We told you when we changed into our swimsuits to put on sun screen but you didn’t bother until you started feeling a bit sunburned. You will have a hell of a tan line tomorrow Lyn, there will be no disguising how you have spent your summer break.

Over the next two weeks our work continued, checking and replacing squirrel boxes, restoring the footpaths, planting more trees, and generally tidying up some of the scrubland areas. It was a lot more physical work than any of us was used to, but we had known what we had signed-up to and threw ourselves into all the activities allocated to us.

But it wasn’t all work, we were there to learn as well as help. We were taken to various hides in the forest to count wildlife numbers as well as to see many species that we would not normally come across. Ospreys and goshawks had been reintroduced some years before and were increasing in numbers and were a delight to see, particularly the ospreys as they swept down to the water to grasp a fish in their talons before soaring back to their nests high in the treetops. None of us were normally bird watchers but we soon learned to recognise many of the extensive range of bird species native to or visiting northern England.

Mainly on night vigils we saw lots of the numerous badgers and their now almost fully grown new-season cubs , foxes, even Pine Martens which had recently made a comeback from over the border in Scotland, and virtually all the native species of bats, including the much rarer Soprano Pipistrelle and the Whiskered Bat. Although I had thought beforehand that I was quite knowledgeable about wildlife, I learned an awful lot more in my time at the camp.

The creation of Kielder Water as a reservoir for the cities and big towns many miles downstream had restricted access for salmon to the upper reaches of the North Tyne river, but there was an extensive breeding centre just below the dam, which maintained the growing population of salmon in the river, which was regaining its reputation as one of the prime sites for them in the country. Mankind over the years had caused untold damage to the natural balance of nature, particularly in the former industrial areas like the lower Tynesde conurbation, but at least now there were major efforts to try to reverse the damage and clean up and sympathetically develop the riverside.

Of course it wasn’t all work and learning we had time for fun too. As well as returning to our hidden swimming area , we visited the more public water-sports zones and all tried our hands at paddle-boarding and canoeing. I was now quite comfortable being seen in my swimsuit and joined in with the other girls without any bother or embarrassment, not thinking that I might be discovered.

Unfortunately all good things must come to an end, and it was soon time to leave. We had a leaving party with the other volunteers and the rangers, and again dressed up for the occasion. We were definitely going to leave a good impression behind of our time there.

The next morning we were all packed up and ready to leave when Mark, our team leader came over to say goodbye.

“It’s been a delight working with you girls, you have brightened up what is sometimes a bit of an unexciting summer with the volunteers, you will all be welcome back anytime. Next year part of your course is to attend a summer school much like you have done here, we would all be pleased if you chose to come back here for that, but you may want to do something different.” He gave each of us in turn a big hug, wished us a safe journey home, and left us to get ready for the next batch of volunteers.

To be continued

Once we were away from the site, all a bit subdued at the thought that our time in Kielder was over, we stopped just outside Hexham, where I was going to leave them and get the train back home, before they all went back to Newcastle. Regretfully I needed to to change back into my boys’ clothes and revert to my life as Lyndsay for the last part of the trip to my home village.

There was bound to be someone at the station that would recognise me if I turned up as Lyn, and the local taxi driver who would be waiting there for a fare had been in my class at school.

Judy was rummaging for a long time in her backpack and taking stuff out for a better look and gave me a worried frown. “You are not going to like this Lyn, but I can’t find the solvent to remove your breast forms, you’ll have to live with them for the next few days until I order some more for delivery to you. I’m afraid that you will have to stay as a girl a bit longer.”

“Damn, that causes problems, I need to get a taxi from the station to take me home, and Bardon Mill is only a small village, I’m sure that I’ll be recognised and it will be the village gossip within a few hours.”

“It’s not that far from here to your home is it, we can make a bit of a detour and drop you off there instead, is that any better?”

“It’s probably about twenty minutes each way, I’d prefer that unless anyone is in a rush.”

“That’s fine, it’s the least we can do, you have told us so much about your farm and the beautiful area it is in, it would be nice to see it anyway. Is that ok with the rest of you?” Judy turned to the others.

Nobody was in a rush and they all seemed as curious as Judy to see where I lived

We soon pulled into the courtyard in front of my house, I collected my stuff and invited the girls in for a coffee before they set off again. I put the kettle on and took all my stuff up to my room and decided that if I had to keep the breast forms for a while, I would just keep on my girl clothes too, and went back down in my leggings and scoop-neck top.

We were happily sitting chatting and drinking coffee, and attacking the contents of Mam’s biscuit barrel when the door suddenly opened and in walked Mam and Dad. They took a long look around at the strangers in their house, trying to recognise anyone.

“Who on earth are you lot and what are you doing in my house, and how did you get in” Dad thundered , before Mam put her hand up to stop him, staring at me.

“Lyndsay, is that you?” She shrieked looking me up and down.”

“I can explain Mam.” I started but I was cut short by her.

“I think we need to have a talk Lyndsay. The rest of you girls, and I assume that you are all girls, leave us now please.”

“Mrs Armstrong, it’s all our fault, we have encouraged Lyn to blend in with us for the time we were up at Kielder.” Zara tried to cut in, but Mam just glared at her.

"As I said, just go now, I need to have a talk with my son, or as much of him as you have left me with.”

I gave a deep sigh and waved the girls to leave , showed them to the door, with a quick ’I’ll phone you’ sign, and turned around to face the music from my parents.

“What are you doing home today, you were supposed to be staying away for another week, I wasn’t expecting you to be back.”

“Obviously not ! Anyway it is me that is asking the questions, not you. You have a lot of explaining to do, and it had better be good.”

“Give me a couple of minutes, I’ll go and change.”

“Oh no, you won’t., you are not getting away that easily. You’ve obviously been living as a girl for the last four weeks , you can at least give me the same opportunity to get used to you, stay as you are, and tell me what this is all about.” Mam shouted at me and was obviously not in the mood for any arguments back to her.

My dad was about to tell her to calm down but a warning glance made him think better of it, he knew that it was best to keep out of the conversation when she was in this mood. He left to go, supposedly to check on his stock up on the hills, but mainly because he knew that it would be best to leave Mam to calm down and sort things out by herself.

“Well, Mam it all started when we were on the way to the lodges where we were staying………….” I told her all the details of what had happened and how I came to be living as a girl for the last four weeks and that I had really enjoyed my time with the girls.

“Are you trying to tell me that you are just a victim of circumstances and that you got no pleasure out of any of this.”

“That’s right, it just sort of happened and the longer it went on the easier it was just to fit in with them all. The girls have just been treating me as another one of them, and to be honest I think that I enjoyed my time there a lot more, just fitting in with them, than if I had been Lyndsay, an outsider, or if I had been relocated to the boys’ huts.”

“What about the breasts, were they really necessary? You seem to have no problem with them and no problem showing them off either.” She said running her eyes over my bust-line which made me feel a little embarrassed and uncomfortable.

“ The girls reckoned that if I was going to be Lyn for the month that I needed realistic looking breasts, rather than just stuffing my bra with tissues or knickers or the bags of rice that I started with. Unfortunately they’ll have to stay for the moment, they need a special solvent to remove them and Judy lost it somewhere. She’s ordering some more but it will take a few days before it arrives.”

“Right Lyn, and you had better get used to that name. You have spent the last few weeks with your friends as a girl, and from the fact that you have your breasts for a fwhile , and seem to have no problem showing them off, it will be best if you continue to live as a girl until this can all be sorted out. The least you can do is spend some time with me as Lyn.”

“What about Dad, how will he react to you making me do this?”

“He is the least of your problems, young lady, I’ll square things up with him. Do you think that I don’t know about all your times with Caroline and her friends, and that the only time I knew about was when I came home early and caught you. I found out from Caroline that you were doing it all the time although you never gave me the opportunity to see you as Lyn. Until you go back to university we are going to spend some mother and daughter time together, I haven’t seen Caroline for months, it will be nice to have some feminine company for a change Now down to practicalities, have you got enough decent clothes and things to last you for a few weeks?”

“Yes, I’ve got more than enough, the girls loaned me some of their stuff and then bought me some new clothes of my own, undies, skirts, tops, a dress, makeup and some bits and pieces.”

“We’ll start as we mean to go on then. Except when I am out helping your dad with the stock I never wear trousers, always skirts or dresses, I expect you to do the same. Go and get changed, just change those leggings for one for your skirts, you may as well keep that top on, that’s fine.”

I went upstairs, changed into a mid-thigh A-line navy denim skirt, checked my legs were clean of fuzz, freshened up my lipstick and mascara, brushed out my hair and, with my heart beating so strongly I thought I would collapse with the stress, made my way down stairs. As I expected Mam was in the kitchen, preparing a meal for later.”

“That’s a lot better, Lyn, you are quite pretty with the right clothes and a bit of makeup. Put on an apron, you don’t want to dirty your new clothes, and you can help me get things ready. It will help if you can chop up the vegetables for the casserole, while I concentrate on the apple pies I am stocking up the freezer with before the end of the season”

For the next couple of hours asI helped the kitchen there was no mention of the fact that I was dressed as girl, but that is exactly the way Mam treated me. We chatted away as we worked, with me subconsciously reverting to my female voice and mannerisms that I had grown into during my time at Kielder. She took delight in telling me about their holiday, gossiping about the neighbours, and getting me up to date on what had happened in the village while I was away at University. Once everything was cooking away we sat down for a cup of tea and some home made cake.

“I enjoyed that Lyn, sometimes it can be a bit boring working away in the house while your dad is up in the hills tending to the stock, It’s nice to have someone to chat to, the time seems to pass a lot more quickly. I really miss Caroline sometimes and it’s nice to have a daughter again to share things with, even if it is only temporary. You have surprised me, after your time living with the girls you even talk and react like them and I almost felt that I was talking to Caroline, it’s a pity that we never discovered this side to you before.”

I didn’t know quite how to respond to that, but at least it was now a lot better than the angry way she had reacted when they first came home.

“Anyway, enough of that. What are you going to do when you go back to university, now you are in your second year, you don’t have to live in the Halls of Residence anymore.”

“I haven’t decided yet, I might look for a flat or a house-share, it is more independent and could be cheaper than staying in the university accommodation. The only problem is that I spend so much time with the girls that I have very few close male friends to share with.”

“What are the friends you were up at Kielder with doing, they seem to be a fairly decent bunch, now you have told me a bit more about them, although I am a bit annoyed with them for what they have done to you. Could you not get somewhere with one or two of them.”

“I don’t know what their plans are, we never really talked about it. Although they were comfortable with me, as Lyn, sharing with them for a few weeks, I’m not sure that they would like me as Lyndsay being there with them all the time.”

“In that case, if you are going to be sharing with boys you need to learn to look after yourself, I don’t want you living like a slob in dirty clothes and eating only ready-meals and takeaways. While you are here you are going to get a fast-track course from me on cooking, cleaning and looking after your clothes, It’s fortunate that you will be dressing as a girl while you are here at home, it’ll be easier to relate to you while I am teaching you all you need to know.”

We were interrupted by the buzz of my phone, and on checking I saw that it was Judy.

“Excuse me Mam, do you mind if I take this? It’s Judy that you saw earlier, she is probably checking that I am alright, and that you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Go on then, you better take the call, if you don’t answer she’ll only worry.”

I quickly answered the call while walking up to my room. “Hi Judy, did you all get back ok?”

“We’re all fine, we got back quite quickly and returned the van with no problems, but how about you Lyn? Your Mam seemed pretty annoyed and we are all worried for you.”

“ Actually, once I explained everything, she calmed down a lot, and even stopped calling you all some names that I won’t repeat. The main problem that I have now is that once she found out that I couldn’t remove the breast forms, she insisted that I had to say dressed as a girl for the rest of the holiday while I am here at home.”

“No different to being in the hut with us then.” She giggled. “I’ve ordered the solvent for you it should arrive in a couple of days, but by the sound of it there is no desperate hurry. How do you feel about her making you continue to dress as a girl?”

“That’s not a problem, after all the time with you and the other girls, I am used to the clothes, but she is treating me like a girl too. She is insisting that instead of going out with Dad to look after the stock which I normally do in the summer, that I stay in the house with her, learning to cook and take care of my clothes. She says that I need to learn to look after myself if I am going to find a flat or something, rather than living on campus.”

“Quite right too, my Mam is treating me the same, but in my case, it’s the daily help that is doing all the teaching as Mam is too busy at her law office, and is not particularly domestically-minded anyway. she hardly knows how to boil an egg, and the technology of the fancy new washing machine is totally beyond her.”

“Thanks for calling to check up on me Judy, I really appreciate it. I’ll keep in touch to let you know how I am getting on.”

“I’ve just had a thought Lyn, if your Mam is insisting that you stay dressed as, and living as a girl, I’ve loads of dresses and things that I rarely wear, would you like a couple more to go with that red one I bought for you up at the camp and some other stuff too.”

“If you’re sure, but just a couple and nothing too fancy, just something to wear about the house or something like that, I don’t intend to be going out anywhere.”

“Ok, I’ll sort something out and take them to the courier depot, you should get them tomorrow or the day after. Take care Lyn, give me a call if you need to talk. Love you, bye.”

“Love you too Judy, tell the others that I‘m glad you all got back ok, and thank them for looking after me up at Kielder. When Mam chased you out of the house I didn’t really get time to say goodbye and thank you.”

“What did your friend want Lyn?” Mam asked when I went back to the kitchen.

“She was just checking up that you hadn’t killed me yet, the girls were all worried for me. When I told her that I you wanted me to stay as Lyn until it is time to go back to university, she said that she’d arrange to send me some of her clothes that she doesn’t wear anymore.”

“Despite what they all did with you while you were up at camp, they sound like good friends.”

After a while Dad, returned, he had given Mam enough time to calm down, he knew he was best out of the way when she got wound up. His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw me wearing a skirt and with a bit of makeup, but a glare from Mam told him not to make any comment.

“John, Lyn will be staying with us until college starts again, and she will be helping me around the house, so she won’t be available to help you with the stock, I’m sure that you will manage.” She gave him a look challenging him to argue.

“Ok , that’ll be fine, I’ll leave you…er…girls to sort things out while I go and get cleaned up and fetch all our cases in from the car.”

I went out to give him a hand to fetch the luggage.

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of your Mam, but are you sure that you are ok with what she has planned for you? I don’t want to have a big row with her, but if you are not happy, I am prepared to make an issue of it.”

“It’s fine Dad, I don’t want to cause problems between you, I’ve been living as a girl for the last four weeks, another few won’t make any difference, and it seems to be making her happy. Just go with it and don”t make a fuss. Besides, at least for the next couple of days I don’t have much choice, these breasts are stuck on and I won’t be able to remove them until I get some special solvent.”

All through dinner and when we were relaxing in front of the TV afterwards, Dad kept looking over to me, trying to take it all in, but said nothing on the subject, keeping the conversation to the meal that had been prepared or the tv programmes that we were watching.

I want off to my room to get ready for bed. While I was cleaning off all my makeup and changing into the sleep set I had been wearing in the hut with the girls, I heard them in long discussions, obviously having a difference of opinion about my situation, but thought it best just to keep out of it and leave them to agree something between themselves.

In the morning I brushed my hair and put on basic makeup, dressed in the short kilt and pink scooped-neck top that was the first girls’ outfit I had worn and cautiously went downstairs not knowing what to expect. Dad was nowhere to be seen and Mam was happy and smiling to see me.

“I like your outfit dear, it suits you, let’s get you a quick breakfast then we can start tidying up the house, it’s amazing how dust collects when you are away for a few weeks, I don’t know where it all comes from.”

I helped mam unpack the cases and, having been given instructions by her, sorted out the washing into piles that needed similar wash programmes, and loaded up the machine. We then gave the place a good clean, living in an old house in the country it was amazing how quickly the dust collected, and the shelves and skirtings all needed a good wipe down. The washing was hung out to dry and we were then able to relax for a while with coffee and sandwiches.

“Thanks for the help Lyn I was always left do all this myself while you were out helping your dad in the fields.”

“Like you said yesterday Mam, when I am living in a flat or whatever I’ll need to do all this stuff myself, this is a good opportunity to learn.”

“ Lyn, I forced you into this, are you happy as you are, I really won’t object if you want to go back to being Lyndsay.”

“Mam, to be honest, I have just been getting on with things helping you, I am not really conscious of what I am wearing, they are only clothes, and I have got used to wearing them. If it is what you want, I’ll go along with it.”

Dad didn’t even come back for lunch, it had obviously been a major row between them, but Mam seemed unperturbed by it and just got on with her work, giving me instructions as to what I needed to do to help her.

“Come on Lyn, get yourself ready to go to the shops. I ran down the grocery stocks for when we were away, we need to get a lot of stuff in, particularly fresh fruit and vegetables, bread, meat and fish, most of the canned and packaged stuff is ok.”

“Do I have to come with you, what if someone recognises me, can I not just stay here and continuing tidying up?”

“No Lyn dear, you cannot hide away, you socialised when you were at camp, you must know that you will be ok in public. If it will help, instead of just going down into the village, we’ll take the car and go to Hexham, the shops are better there and it’s a lot busier, you’ll get lost in the crowd, nobody will know you.”

At first wandering around in public was a bit stressful but I remembered what Rachel had told me that day at the camp “Just live your life here as a girl, think and act as if it the most natural thing in the world.”, and I was soon relaxed and enjoying myself, chatting to Mam as we walked around the shops and stopped at a café for a quick lunch.”

When we got back home laden down with bags of shopping, Dad had come down from the hills, took one look at me and shook his head. Mam may have won the argument but he was obviously still not happy with the outcome.

That all became the routine, I got very close to Mam, much more than I had been the last few years at home, Dad thawed out a bit and was at least civil to me, even though he was probably gritting his teeth as he spoke. I had totally adjusted to living as Lyn and was a bit despondent and disappointed at the thought of reverting back to life as Lyndsay, but soon it was almost time for me to head back to Newcastle to university. Although we had chatted a few times since I had returned home, I was surprised to get a call from Judy which removed some of my worries.

“ Hi Lyn, it’s Judy, have you arranged any where to live yet? Apparently the halls of residence and other official accommodation is all fully booked, mainly by the freshers.”

“ To be honest, I haven’t, it’s been the last thing on my mind, I’ll get something sorted out over the next few days.”

“ Ok, I might have the answer to your dilemma. How about this, Dad has a friend who has several properties in Jesmond not far from the campus and the city centre, and has a house available which he has said I can rent. It is a large Victorian family house with 6 main bedrooms over two floors and a couple of spare rooms up in the roof space. He has made me a great offer, much lower rental than he would normally charge. The others are all interested, it will be a lot cheaper than the official accommodation and we will be near enough to the nightlife in town and everything that will be going on at Uni. Do you want to join us there?”

“Sounds great Judy, but I just want to make sure, the last thing I want is any awkwardness spoiling our friendship, with me getting in the way of what you girls have planned.”

“ Don’t be daft, over the last year when you have socialised with us, particularly during our time up at Kielder, we have all got to know you very well, and would really like you to join in with us.”

“Just to be clear, is the offer being made to Lyndsay or to Lyn?”

“That’s totally up to you, the offer is for either for you, I don’t care which of you turns up, you are the same person we have become friends with whether you are wearing trousers or a skirt.”

“In that case, count me in, it’ll be fun rooming with you all again. Send me the details and I’ll see you there in a week or so.”

I had hardly put my phone down when it buzzed again, obviously she had forgotten to tell me something. “Hi what’s up Judy?”

“Have I got the right number, I’m after Lyndsay Armstrong?” said an obviously older male voice, that I was desperately trying to place. This is Professor Cooper his course mentor from the university.”

As I had answered in my now almost normal girl tones, I quickly answered, “Hold on I’ll get him for you.”, cleared my throat and continued in my Lyndsay voice.

“ Hello Professor, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you before we started back up again next week, what can I do for you?”

“This may sound strange. I’ve had a report from the conservation rangers up at Kielder on what you have been up to during the holidays, but I am puzzled. They refer to how well all of our girls did and although not officially part of your course this year they suggested that you should all be given credits to count against your course assessment.”

“That’s good, we all enjoyed ourselves and learned a lot.”

“The thing that I find strange is that kept referring to the six girls, and made particular reference to one called Lyn, saying that she was a really enthusiastic and committed worker, and had possibly saved the life of one of her friends from drowning as they arrived. Is there an explanation for this?”

He listened without asking any questions as I went through my story once again, I was deeply embarrassed and almost crying when I finished, it was one thing for my friends to know, even worse for my family to know, but to have to tell someone in authority who could make or break my future gradings and job prospects was a different level altogether.

“Calm down Lyn, do you mind if I call you Lyn, thank you for being open and honest with me and not trying to pull the wool over my eyes. It doesn’t really matter to me or to the university what you call yourself and how you dress, you are a bright committed student and as long as you maintain your academic standards, how you live your life is up to you. As with most universities we have strict guidance on discrimination and diversity and you would not be the first person to attend living an alternative lifestyle. You’re lucky that your name is as it is, being suitable for males or females, there is no problem with filing the report against your records and having anyone questioning a name change. By the way, halfway though your story your voice changed and I could hear why you were totally accepted as a girl. Now that is all cleared up, I will leave you in peace and hope to see you soon back at the university.

“You look happy pet, were those calls good news?” Asked Mam when I put the phone down.

“ Where I am going to live has been solved, Judy and the girls are sharing a house and have asked me to go and join them. It will be a lot better than sharing with strangers that I don’t know, and I get on really well with all of them.”

“Are you going there as Lyndsay or Lyn, the girls seem happy with you as either?”

“I am not sure Mam, I will have to think about it.”

“ Well you had better hurry up, if you are going to be living as a girl, you will need a lot more clothes and things, and we’ll need to go shopping.”

Almost two weeks later. I knocked on the door of the house I would be sharing with the girls, and was greeted with a big hug from Judy.

“ Glad you’re here Lyn the others are already settled in, I’ll show you to your room. You’re looking really well, I love what you have done with your hair and that dress I sent you really suits you. The Kielder girls are all back together again and the others are all excited to see which version of you turned up!”

Four years later, we had all successfully completed our studies graduating with our MSc accreditation and were all forging new careers scattered around the country and occasionally around the world.

During my time at university I adjusted to my new life as Lyn supported and encouraged by the others, As I was always in a group with the others, none of my other classmates seemed to notice that the shy withdrawn Lyndsay that had been in their classes the previous year seemed to have dropped out of the course and I was just accepted without question as Lyn.

Gradually with the help of hormone treatment, I became even more and more naturally feminine and in my final year I completed my transition. My mam and dad were both delighted to come to my graduation ceremony, seeing me confidently climb the stops onto the dais in my academic gown hood and cap, to be presented with my Masters degree. Afterwards Dad gave me a big hug, and with tears in his eyes told me that I was the daughter that he could be so proud of.

Nicola and I are now working for the National Trust, operating out of Seahouses on the Northumberland coast, with responsibility as wardens mainly monitoring the numbers and condition of the grey seal, gannett and puffin populations on the Farne Islands. We are close friends and developing a relationship that is even closer.

Zara is doing something similar up at Unst in Shetland, keeping on eye on the sea otter population as a sign of the health of the ocean, and the growing population of the sea eagles now breeding again after many years, following their re-introduction.

Rachel is working down in London for a prestige wildlife magazine as a staff reporter, and often uses the rest of us as sources of material for her articles, featuring our work as wardens.

Kathy is living an exciting life as a freelance wildlife photographer, travelling the world fulfilling commissions for major tv programmes, and providing photographs and articles to several wildlife protection groups.

Judy never really got over our time at Kielder and returned there as a ranger, forging both a professional and personal relationship with Mark, who had looked after us all so well. In fact, as one of our many reunion get-togethers, we were all due to meet again as bridesmaids for their wedding.

Out time together up at Kielder had really given us all a direction for our lives, me in particular, and I will forever be grateful to the other Kielder Girls, who helped me come out of my shell and become the happy successful, confident woman that I now am.

The end