I awoke with a bleeping noise from my phone and blearily turned off the alarm. I groaned, as I wasn’t quite awake and then sat bolt upright in bed, as I remembered where I was.

Today was a new day and a new start!

I got up, slipped off my lovely nightie and went to the toilet, washed the sleep off me and then did the other things needed to get me going for the day. After that, I went back into the bedroom.

I had a train to catch at 11.30 from Paddington Station so I had to get a move on.

Over in the corner were my boy's clothes, thrown in the corner. I felt a certain feeling of freedom when I realised that I wouldn’t need those again.

Opening my case, I took out a white bra and panties and slipped them on. I was fairly adept at putting on a bra, I had practised a lot in my bedroom when there was no one about.

I had decided to wear a cream top and an above-the-knee black skirt and nude tights. Luckily it was Summer and something of a heat wave was going on so I didn’t need to wear anything too heavy.

Before putting my clothes on, I went over to my rucksack and pulled out my makeup bag.

I had some essential items there and the first thing I did was to sort my nails out. I had let them grow out a bit but not too much as I didn’t want to give the game away to my parents. As soon as I could, I would go to a nail salon and give them a treat, but for now, I would just paint them a nice pink to match my lipstick. After a few mishaps, I managed to make them look nice and I marvelled at the look. It made my hands look all girlie!

I wanted to paint my toenails but was worried about the time. I still had a lot to do.

Thanks to practice and YouTube, I was quite good at applying makeup quickly and efficiently.

I didn’t cake makeup on as some girls do and I believed that less is best. The last thing I wanted was to look tarty! I had a nice clean complexion and no horrid spots or pimples for which I was truly thankful.

I chose a light foundation, a bit of blush to put colour in my cheeks and light slate grey eyeshadow. I wasn’t that good with mascara and eyeliner so I didn’t bother. I would have to learn to do that better when I had the time. Luckily, I have light thin nicely shaped eyebrows and I left those alone except for plucking a few wayward stray hairs (ouch).

Finally, I finished things off with a nice pale pink lip gloss, which looked and felt wonderful!

Soon I was carefully putting on my blouse and tights and skirt. The last thing I wanted was makeup on my nice blouse. I removed the black elasticated hair band and then brushed my hair out. I liked my hair; it was close to shoulder length and I fully intended to let it grow as long as possible. I was so glad that I resisted my parents' nagging at me to get it cut. When I had finished playing with it, it was still slightly boyish, something that I would change as soon as possible.

Finally, I spritzed myself with some nice body spray and I was almost ready to go. I had a silver bracelet and necklace brought from Pandora. Expensive but nice. And with slightly shaky hands I put my jewellery on.

I had wanted to have my ears pierced but up to now, that had not been possible. That’s another thing to do from my wish list. I had tried those magnetic stud earrings, but they were uncomfortable and hurt my ears

Thanks to eBay, I bought a silver used Pandora watch in excellent condition, as the company no longer made them and I wanted to match the other items of jewellery. I placed the watch on my other wrist and was pleased that everything matched quite well.

All that jewellery put a slight dent in my savings, but it was well worth it.

I had a PO box for any items that I wanted to receive. There were too many prying eyes at home and I didn’t want to take any chances, so I had everything private sent to my P O box at the local post office. It was expensive but necessary.

Looking out of the window, I could see that it was going to be warm that day, so I wore some nice sandals. I wasn’t too sure about tights with sandals, but they were nude and sheer, so I didn’t think it mattered too much. If it got too hot later, I would take off my tights, but for now, it would have to do.

I was finally ready to go. Reluctantly, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time and saw the real me.

I nearly ruined my makeup but managed somehow not to tear up. It was a close-run thing!

Prior to that point, I had only dressed at home. I was always concerned that someone would come home unexpectantly and catch me out, so everything was done in a hurry and I had not fully taken in what I looked like.

I hadn’t even looked at myself in the mirror, in fear of looking stupid or a boy in a dress. Self-confidence was not one of my stronger attributes.

It was as if I was seeing someone else. I looked almost pretty and not like a boy in a skirt. I couldn’t see any sign of boy. I had never before gone out dressed as a girl and it was the one thing that was scaring me. I didn’t want to look like a boy. I knew that some girls like me didn’t look so feminine and some had been “clocked” as they say. There were stories on the forums as to how hurtful some people could be. I didn’t want to be the subject of someone’s cruel jibes.

I had a very pale pink cardigan and I put it on as it might be still cool outside. Also, I had an anorak in my rucksack, just in case, so I think that I had everything covered. With English weather, you never knew what was coming next!

The hotel had a restaurant that was open for breakfast, so I left my things in the room and went downstairs. I had enough time and I didn’t want to go hungry on my long journey to Cornwall.

I was quite self-conscious as I left my room for the first time as Emma. A few people were actually cleaning rooms and they just smiled as they passed me and said hello. I replied and just kept on walking.

No screams of alarm and terror about this strange person passing them.

It gave me the courage to carry on. When I walked into the restaurant, a waitress smiled at me.

‘Morning Miss, table for one?’

‘Yes please.’

She walked me over to a table by a window.

‘It’s self-service breakfast. What room are you in?’

‘Erm, 129.’

She made a note on her pad.

‘That’s fine, help yourself.’

With that, she left me and I went over and had some cereal, fruit juice and toast.

As I sat eating my food, I glanced around. No one was paying me any attention and that was exactly how I wanted it. The slight fear that I felt in the pit of my stomach gradually eased. I was accepted for who I was, a girl and for that, I was truly happy.

After breakfast, I returned to my room, picked up my things and put them away in my rucksack and case. It was time to go. Before leaving I refreshed my lipstick as it needed a bit of TLC due to breakfast. It was so nice to see the teacup marked with my lipstick. Small things but oh so nice.

It was a strange feeling walking down the road in those clothes, looking as I hoped I did, a normal girl. Well, I hoped it was normal. I just loved the slight swing of my skirt and the gentle breeze on my legs. It was all very liberating. Also, I didn’t get any horrified looks and that was a positive! The feel of the clothes was indescribable, but it all felt right. I didn’t feel out of place. I wasn’t a square peg in a round hole anymore.

It was the real me.

It was a short walk to the station and I was soon picking up my larger case from left luggage.

I found my way to the platform and the train was waiting for me.

I had already booked a seat and made my way along the platform until I found the correct carriage. I put my two cases in the rack inside the door and made my way down the carriage to find my seat.

I had a window seat luckily and I noted in passing that the carriage was nearly empty. I was fine with that, but it was a bit early and the train wasn’t due to leave for another 20 minutes.

I settled down in my seat and did the one thing that I had been putting off.

I took my phone off airplane mode and Immediately saw that there were six missed calls and three voicemails Five of the calls were from the home number and another I didn’t immediately recognise. Two voicemails were from home and the other one was from a number I didn’t recognise.

I wondered if I should listen to the voicemails. I didn’t think that I would enjoy it. I wanted to cut myself off from my previous life.

In the brief note that I had left at home before I left, I didn’t mention my change and the fact that I was now going to live as a girl. The less they knew the better as far as I was concerned.

I sat there staring at my phone, undecided.

Then I shrugged. What could they say that could hurt me anymore?

I pressed the call voicemail number and with a thumping heart, listened to the messages.

It was Mum.

‘Chris, where are you? We need to talk. Call me soon.’

The message ended.

Then there was the second one. It was from Dad.

‘Chris, we’ve read your note. Don’t be so bloody stupid. For some reason, your mother is worried about you. Call me soon or else.’

Short and sweet and no Love Daddy. So I knew the score about Dad’s feelings about me and probably Mum too. I should have been upset, but I wasn’t. As far as I was concerned they had no part in my future…

The third voicemail came through.

‘Hi Emma, it’s Antonia, so today's the day! Good luck honey. I have let Mrs Anthony know that you are arriving, so you can get the key from her, she lives next door at Seashell Cottage. Incidentally, I have just found out that she is a couple of times removed cousin of yours and mine come to think of it. Anyway, ring me when you get settled down, Love you lots.’

I smiled. She had shown me more affection from the brief time that I had known her than I had ever had from my so-called family. I was intrigued about Mrs Anthony and her relation to me but would have to wait to find out more.

The next thing that I did was to block any numbers from my family. I didn’t want to hear from them, ever.

Harsh? Maybe, but I was in no mood to give them any time. I would speak to Antonia about her contacting them and maybe being a go-between if I ever changed my mind on that. I wondered if Mrs Anthony knew about my circumstances. I would soon find out.

One of the things that Antonia had arranged was for any mail addressed to me to be forwarded to the cottage, so that was at least one thing I didn’t have to worry about.

Antonia also provided me with the change of name deed poll document and a solicitors letter, confirming who I was. Eventually, once Antonia had found a good doctor who could deal with my problems, I would go for a gender change status and all that entailed. But that was in the future.

The carriage started filling up, but luckily, no one sat next to me so that I could stretch out a bit.

Soon, I heard a whistle from outside and the train started moving. We were on the way!

The journey was a long one with several stops. I listened to some music through my EarPods and fell asleep several times, as I was still tired from lack of decent sleep. However, eventually, we arrived at Penzance station and I stiffly picked up my cases and rucksack and left the train.

I was almost as far away from my old home as I could get in England and I was glad of that.

I had the address of the cottage on a piece of paper and I took the short walk to where the buses stopped and looked at the various timetables for the correct bus for Porthlowen, where the cottage was.

I had looked up Porthlowen on Google. It was a large village, almost a town and it was on the Cornish coast about 15 miles from Penzance. It had a lovely beach and several cafes restaurants and shops. It looked nice and I hoped that I might fit in there.

I found the right stop and waited for the bus which, according to the timetable, should be arriving in about ten minutes if it was on time.

Penzance looked quite a busy place and I think was the largest town in the area. I hoped to be able to do some shopping for clothes at some point when I settled in. Talking of shopping and on a practical note, I assumed that Porthlowen had some sort of supermarket as I would have to get food supplies in. I didn’t want to starve.

Before anything else, while I remembered, I sent a text to Antonia to let her know that I had arrived in Porthlowen safely.

She replied with an OK and kisses.

Twenty minutes later, the bus arrived and I got on board with several other people. I was able to put the cases on the rack by the entrance and I sat down close to them. Not being very trusting, the last thing I wanted was for my cases to be pinched!

There were about ten stops before the bus went up a steep hill and then there below me, I saw Porthlowen, my new home. It looked quaint and very pretty.

We went down the hill, which was rather steep, down several roads, some rather narrow, and then we stopped on the quay.

There were only a few other passengers on the bus by then and one other person, an old lady, got off at the same time as me. I grabbed my things and soon I was just standing there, not too sure where to go.

There were a lot of people about, as it was early Summer and at the beginning of the tourist season. It was obviously a busy time and no doubt it would get even busier when the kids were off school.

Off to the side was a shop that was also the post office, so I decided to go in and ask for directions to Seashell Cottage, which was next door to my new home Rainbow Cottage.

There were few people in there. It was one of those shops that appear to sell everything. I picked up a bar of chocolate and made my way to the counter, struggling a bit with my rucksack and cases, but managing somehow.

The lady behind the counter smiled as I paid for the chocolate.

‘I’m trying to find Seashell Cottage on Honeysuckle Lane; do you know where it is?’

‘Staying there are you dear?’

‘Near there.’

‘Right, go out the door, turn left, go towards the end of the quay and then you will see Honeysuckle Lane, Seashell Cottage is right at the top of the hill.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

She looked at me, frowning slightly.

‘Your face seems a bit familiar. Have you been here before?’

‘No, this is the first time.’

The lady shrugged and then turned to the next customer.

I left the shop and then made my way along the quay. It was a busy place; the harbour was full of small boats and the rigging was making pleasant twanging noises in the gentle breeze. There were some shops and a few cafes with outside tables where people were sitting drinking and eating and apparently enjoying themselves watching the world go by. There was also a small restaurant and a pub along the front. It made for a happy-looking, busy place.

I soon came across Honeysuckle Lane. It was quite narrow and I thought that some lorries might have problems. It was fairly steep and as I struggled up it, I wished that I didn’t have my cases. I needed to play more tennis to get my fitness levels up. Maybe there was a club nearby?

It was now quite hot and I wished that I had taken off my tights when I had the opportunity, but for now, I had to bear with it.

At last, I was near the top. It must have been at least a quarter of a mile from the quay. The various cottages in the lane were neatly painted in bright colours. I met a few people who were on the way down to the quay and they had all said hello, which was nice and welcoming.

Near the top was a cottage with a small garden. On the gate, it said Seashell Cottage. Beyond that, the road turned to the left and I couldn’t see where my cottage was. I assumed it was along there somewhere.

I opened the gate and walked up the short path to the cottage. It was old, very old, much like the others that I had seen along the lane.

There was a brass knocker on the old oak door, so I knocked on it.

I winced, as it was a bit noisy!

A few seconds later, a woman answered the door. She was in her thirties I would say, pretty with long blond hair and she had an apron on over her dress. She had flour on her hands, the apron and a little on her hair too.

‘Hello.’

‘Hi, I’m Emma.’

She smiled.

‘Hello Emma, I was expecting you. Come in. Sorry for the mess, I’m in cake-making mode!’

I went in and soon found myself in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in one hand and a choccy biscuit in the other whilst she cleared off the mess she had made making her cake. Judging by the smell coming from her oven, I thought that the cake would be very nice.

Mrs Anthony (call me Claire) was a nice bubbly lady and we immediately hit it off.

She sat down opposite me and smiled.

‘Antonia has told me a bit about what’s going on with you. You’ve fallen out with your parents?’

I nodded, wondering just how much Claire knew.

‘It happens. You are very young to be living by yourself though. My daughter Hannah is your age and I would worry myself sick if she had to live by herself. She’s at the college at the moment. I’m sure that she’ll introduce herself later. Do you know what you are going to do now?’

I thought for a moment.

‘It’s all a bit new. Obviously, I need to settle in. I’m only 16, so I hope to get into a 6th form college in Penzance and maybe get some part-time work locally to bring some money in.’

‘Hannah is in 6th at Penzance College and likes it there. She might be able to tell you a bit about it.’

‘I have 5 grades above 7, so I don’t think that there will be problems with entry requirements, if they have room of course.’

‘I’m sure that they will have as they are always advertising for new students. By the way, you may not know it but we are related. Our great grandfather had several children and my grandmother was one of them. I don’t know what that makes me, but it’s nice to know that we have a little bit of the same genes.’

‘Antonia told me. It’s nice to have family.’

I blushed at saying that. I was taking a lot for granted.

‘Yes it is,’ she replied smiling. ‘Now, you probably want to get yourself settled in, so shall I take you over to the cottage?’

‘That would be great.’

‘Well, finish your drink and biscuit and we’ll be off.’

She took off her apron, dusted herself off and picked up a set of keys.

‘Come on then,’ she said as I emptied my cup.

She led the way out of the front door and turned left up the lane with me following her. She was kind enough to take my large case whilst I took my small one and rucksack.

There was what looked like a small paddock and then a low hedge, beyond the hedge was a pretty detached two-storey cottage. It was picture postcard stuff. This couldn’t be mine, surely? I hadn’t seen it before as it was around the corner from Seashell Cottage.

There was a low drystone wall and I could see into the garden, which was a bit overgrown, but still well looked after. I expected a small, terraced cottage like many I had seen so far in the village, but this was something else.

It was the kind of cottage that you saw on jigsaw puzzles, it was gorgeous!

Claire led me up the garden path, put a key in the substantial old oak door and walked in, with me, open-mouthed, following in her wake.

There was a small entrance hall where we left my bags and rucksack. To the left was a small sitting room and on the right a dining room. There was a staircase off to the right beyond the entrance to the dining room.

Claire continued on and I found myself in the kitchen, it was like a farm kitchen with a big table in the middle. There were lots of copper pots and pans and a huge Welsh dresser with lots of crockery.

The whole place looked like it was in a time warp from the forties and fifties, not really my style, but it all went very well with the age and type of property. I wouldn’t change it, I couldn’t – it was Grandma’s.

Through the kitchen was another sitting room, much larger than the one in the front. It was cosy, with a three-piece suite and a large fireplace. However, what drew my attention was the French windows overlooking the pretty garden and down the hill to the sea beyond.

It took my breath away.

‘Lovely view, isn’t it?’

‘Mmm.’

‘It’s grade 2 listed so you can’t do much in the way of alteration without going through a lot of hoops. Anyway, enough of that, let me show you where everything is.’

I tore my eyes away from the view and Claire showed me where everything was, like practical things such as the stop cock and electrical consumer board. All a bit boring but necessary information.

‘Shrewd person, your grandma,’ remarked Claire as she pointed out various things.

‘Why?’

‘I think that she knew that you would come and live here. She was always talking about you. She told me about how things were at home for you and how she wanted to help you. Before she died she sent me a letter explaining a few things.’

I looked at her sharply. Did she know about me?

We had arrived back in the kitchen.

Claire opened a drawer and there was a ring binder that she picked up and opened.

‘Everything you need to know about the cottage is in here including useful phone numbers and addresses in case anything goes wrong. From what I understand, the local estate agents will be looking after the upkeep of the property until you are 18, but effectively, it’s yours and they cannot override you. Any real problems, just contact them.’

She looked at her watch.

‘I have to go now; will you be alright?’

‘I think so.’

‘Well, I’m just next door. My phone number is in the ring binder and don’t be afraid to call me, day or night. My hubby John is the local bobby, well an inspector really, so he’s useful to have around too. Oh, by the way, I have put a few things in your fridge and freezer, so you don’t have to worry about getting shopping yet.’

I got a bit teary. She had been so kind. On impulse, I hugged her.

‘Thank you, you’ve made me feel very welcome.’

‘Enough of that. I think that you are a very sweet girl and I hope to see a lot of you. Come around any time. I’ve no doubt my daughter Hannah will want to get to know you too.’

With that, she left me to carry on looking around my new home.

This isn’t an estate agent's pitch, so I won’t go into too much about the cottage except to say, all the rooms were lovely. Upstairs there were two bedrooms and a large bathroom. I decided that my bedroom would be the one at the back that had stunning views of the village and the coast beyond. All the furniture was old but functional and the mattress on the double bed in my room was soft and inviting.

I sat on the bed and took off my tights and felt immediately cooler.

After a while, I decided to sort out my clothes, so I went downstairs and brought the cases up.

I put everything away in the wardrobe and chest of drawers, noting that I just had to do a mega clothes shop when I had time! As for shoes, I had three pairs and also a pair of boots. What girl has just three pairs of shoes?

Enough negativity! As far as I was concerned, I was living the dream. I had left my past behind and was now living in a beautiful cottage in a lovely part of England. Yes, I had some sorting out to do, but I didn’t mind that. I could make my own decisions without my parents or anyone else butting in.

I was free!

Smiling, I went downstairs into the kitchen and opened the fridge. It was full of goodies. I saw a can of coke and I grabbed it. There was also on the side, a biscuit barrel and I popped the lid off and smiled. Chocolate Hobnobs are my favourite.

I went into the sitting room and over to the French doors and opened them. It was a warm day and the garden looked lovely. I sat on a bench seat on the patio and tried to take in the view.

It was lovely.

The garden had a lawn that stretched down towards some flower beds that looked well-tended. I wondered who looked after all this. I wasn’t much good at gardening. I could mow lawns but I was useless at naming plants, I knew what a rose was, and maybe a daffodil, but that was about the limit of my expertise.

I started to relax for the first time. I had been like a coiled spring for so long and now, here I was, as Emma, sitting in my own garden. Behind me was my cottage, no one else’s, but mine.

No more being bullied, hated and despised. No more parents that couldn’t stand the sight of me, no more brother and sister who ridiculed me and never wanted to care about me.

I felt so close to Grandma and I missed her so much. She was more of a mother to me than my own one had ever been. I wished now that I had confided in her about my big secret. Maybe things could have been a bit easier for me with her in my corner. But, it wasn’t to be. She was gone now and I had to be strong.

Somehow though, I felt that she was still with me, looking after me and making sure that I didn’t make a mess of things. I decided then and there to think about what she would do, before making any heavy decisions.

I drank my coke and nibbled at my biscuits.

My phone pinged.

A message from Antonia.

Hi Emma, I hope that you have arrived at your cottage and everything is going ok for you.

I have sent you an email regarding a few points and would appreciate it if you have a look at it and let me know what you intend to do.

Speak to you soon,

Love,
Cousin Antonia XXX

Cousin Antonia, I liked that, I suppose she was, sort of. It was nice to have a real family!

I got up and went to get out my laptop from my rucksack.

I put it on the kitchen table and fired it up.

I hadn’t had any emails and then remembered that I had no signal.

The ring binder was on the kitchen table and I opened it up.

The first page had a list of useful phone numbers and importantly, the wi-fi password for the router.

I put the information into the wi-fi settings on the laptop and almost immediately, it pinged that I had an email.

I opened it up.

Hi Emma,

I hope that you are settling in and Claire has shown you where everything is. Isn’t it mad that we all seem related? It doesn’t surprise me as in some villages, way back everyone was related. Anyway, from the pictures, the cottage looks lovely. You must invite me down!

Now back to more practical matters. I have taken the liberty of making you an appointment with a doctor to discuss your issues. It’s on Monday at 10.30 am. The surgery is in Penzance and it’s with a Dr Sullivan. She is, I hear, very nice and sympathetic and according to my contacts, she has had some experience of helping with gender problems.

The surgery is:

25 Church Street, Penzance and the phone number is xxxxx xxxxxx.

Regarding college, as discussed, as you are 16, by law you have to continue your education. You must contact your old school, tell them that you have moved on and then find a 6th Form College local to you. I believe that Claire’s daughter goes to one fairy locally.

Regarding your change of circumstances, you have in your papers your change of name. You will have to discuss your gender with the college as they would need to know your circumstances and take those into consideration. Many colleges now support transgender students and are sympathetic to their needs. If you have any issues or problems regarding this, please let me know.

Finally, I have spoken to the police station nearest to your old home to let them know that you have moved and are in a safe place. I hope you don’t mind my doing that as the last thing you want is for your parents to cause you any problems. I have given the police your address and they will contact you if they have any issues regarding your moving out of your home. I know from experience in these matters that the police rarely get involved with issues regarding people over the age of 16.

Anyway, that’s enough for you to be getting on with. Give me a call if ever you need to. You know that I’m here for you!

Love and very best wishes.

Cousin Antonia XXXX

Well, that was a lot to take in. Things seemed to be going fast as it was Saturday so I couldn’t contact my old school until Monday, also I had that dreaded doctor’s appointment on Monday. I suppose that I could go to the college to sort out things there too.

There wasn’t much point in worrying about things until Monday.

I spent the next hour finding my way around the cottage, looking at the rooms and into the various cupboards, nooks and crannies as Grandma used to say. There were some personal things of Grandma’s in a few of the drawers and I would have a look at them at some point.
After looking around, I went into the garden and had a look in the shed, which was off to the side. It had lots of gardening equipment in there together with a serious-looking petrol lawn mower. I didn’t go too far into the shed though, as I’m not that keen on spiders or eek, mice!

It was now getting late into the afternoon and I was getting hungry. I’m not the world’s best cook, not having much practice. I would have to learn sooner or later, but despite having food in the fridge, I decided to take a walk down to the quay, where I was sure that I saw and more importantly smelt a fish and chip shop lurking in a corner.

I should have changed, but all my clothes were a bit creased from being in the cases for so long, so I made do with what I had on.

I refreshed my makeup, well a girl has to look her best, and brushed out my hair again and then I was ready for the world. Whether the world was ready for me was another matter!

I picked up my shoulder bag and put my phone, purse, tissues and other essentials like tampons in (joke). I only had one shoulder bag, something I would rectify as soon as possible.

I made sure that the French doors were locked and then made my way to the front door.

Opening it, I had the fright of my life. There was a girl there with her hand up!

‘Hello, I was just about to knock. You’re Emma?’

‘Erm, yes.’

‘Hi, I’m Hannah from next door. Going somewhere?’

‘Down to the quay to get fish and chips.’

‘That sounds good, fancy some company?’

‘That would be great!’

Hannah was pretty with long dark hair. She wasn’t wearing much makeup but what she did have on added to her natural beauty. She had on ripped jeans and a white top. She also had several earrings and a nasal piercing. It made me feel a bit too overdressed, but I wasn’t worried as we all have our own look.

She was nice, very nice and my heart sort of flipped and a trickle of sweat went down my back.

What was that all about? Up to now, my sex drive was, on a scale of 1 to 10, near enough 1.

‘Hang on,’ continued Hannah, she pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket and stabbed at it.

‘Hi Mum, just with Emma, yea, she pretty, I hate her,’ she grinned at me, ‘yea, I’m just going down the chippy with her so no tea. What….oh yea, no problem. See you.’

I closed the front door and we were soon heading down the hill. To say that Hannah was chatty was an understatement.

‘So Emma, you’re our new next-door neighbour, that’s cool like. It’s about time someone young lived around here near me. It gets soooo boring with all the oldies around. All my friends live on the other end of town. Mum said that we’re probably related somehow, that’s cool.’

‘Yes strange that, anyway you said town, I thought that this is a village?’

‘Technically, yea, but it’s almost like, town-sized and you wouldn’t believe how busy it gets when schools are out. Anyway, you like it here?’

‘From what I’ve seen yea…I mean yes.’

God, I didn’t want to like, talk like her, did I?

I smiled.

‘What’s so funny.’

‘I haven’t got used to the West Country accent yet,’

‘Well, yours is pretty strange too. I think I need like, an interpreter!’

We both looked at each other and giggled. I was beginning to like Hannah!

We walked down the hill to the quay and soon found ourselves in the chippy.

I ordered haddock and chips and Hannah had cod and chips with a large gherkin – for those not in the know, that’s a miniature pickled cucumber - which I thought was slightly disgusting, but each to their own!

We found a nice spot on the quay to sit down and things got a bit quieter as we ate our food. We were forever shooing away seagulls who wanted our food without paying for it. They were a bit of a nuisance and had to be dealt with quite firmly. At certain times of the year when they had hatched their chicks, they could be downright aggressive according to Hannah.

Hannah seemed like a very nice girl. I had a strange feeling about her but couldn’t pin it down. We seemed to be on the same wavelength and I very much wanted her to be my friend.

As we sat there chatting about nothing in particular, two girls about the same age as us came up.

‘Hi Hannah,’ they said in unison.

I blinked.

They were identical.

‘Hi girls, this is Emma.’ replied Hannah pointing at me with a chip.

She turned to me.

‘This is Sophie and Stephanie. You may have noticed that they are twins.’

‘I had noticed, I thought that I was seeing double. Hi girls,’ I replied smiling.

I couldn’t get over how identical they were. They even wore the same clothes which I thought was downright weird. I know that young twins are often dressed the same, but when you get older, you would have thought that they would want to be more individual.

‘So,’ said one of them, I had no idea who was who, so I’ll call her Girl 1, ‘you are the new girl. Hannah said that someone was going to be moving into the cottage next door. Do your parents like it here?’

I think that my hormones were all over the place because, for some unaccountable reason, I started crying!

‘What did I say?’ asked the girl.

‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘I’m a bit up and down at the moment.’

‘Time of the month?’ asked girl number 2.

This set me off again. I was getting to be an embarrassment. I just had to get out of there.

‘Sorry, I said, ‘I need to go.’

With that, I threw what was left of my fish and chips in a convenient waste bin and ran off.

I was halfway up the hill before I pulled myself together. I had made a fool of myself when had I gone off like that. I had had a lot of mood swings lately and I didn’t know why. Now those girls probably felt that I was loopy or something. Things had started so well and now I had spoilt everything.

The likelihood of me being friends with Hannah or the twins come to that, seemed a distant dream.

I arrived home breathless, went up to my bedroom, threw myself on the bed and had another crying jag. What was wrong with me? Maybe it was all the changes that I had gone through lately. It was all getting on top of me. Let’s face it, I had made a lot of changes and I had so much to do to get myself sorted out.

I sort of dreaded Monday when I had to see that doctor. I had no choice. I couldn’t go on the way I had up to now. What if she said that I was not a girl? What if she acted like that other doctor and says stupid things like I would grow out of it and it was just a phase?

Those girls weren’t being nasty. They seemed quite nice. Why did I go off like that?

I felt a bit sick and had a tummy ache and my testicles, of all things were aching again. I hated the damn’ things and that horrid penis; don’t let me get started with that! An alarming thing was that my pains had been getting worse recently.

Sighing, I went into the bathroom and found some Rennie’s antacid and paracetamol. I took one look at my face and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I had panda eyes where my makeup had run. I wiped my face clean of makeup with remover and although I looked a bit blotchy, it was better than looking like a clown.

I still felt a bit rough and hoped that the tablets would do their magic soon.

I went back into the bedroom to lie down, drawing my legs up as that felt a bit better.

I must have fallen asleep and was awoken by the sound of the front door knocker.

Blearily, I got up and went downstairs. At least my aches and pains had gone.

I opened the door and Claire was standing there.

‘Hi Claire.’

‘Are you alright Dear?’

‘Yes, I’m fine.’ I sniffed.

Even to me, my quavery voice didn’t sound fine.

‘Can I come in?’

‘Of course,’ replied standing aside.

I wondered, as we went into the kitchen, if she was going to have a go at me for running away from Hannah and the twins down at the quay.

‘You look a bit peaky, sit down and I’ll make us a cup of tea.’

I sat at the table, not saying anything. I was still a bit all over the place and felt drained. I wondered if I was coming down with something.

It couldn’t be man flu as I’m not a man.

Soon, a steaming mug of tea and the obligatory plate of hobnobs were in front of me.

‘You know that you look a lot like your Grandma? A very young version of her, but there are definite similarities.’

‘Are there?’

‘Yes, anyway, I’m not here to talk about that. Hannah said that she and the twins upset you somehow down at the harbour.’

‘They didn’t, I wasn’t feeling too good and I had to get home.’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I don’t know, I feel a bit yucky. You know, tummy aches, stuff like that.’

I sounded a bit like a non-communicative teenager and I didn’t much like that.

I looked at her kind face. I hardly knew her and I had been here only for a few short hours. Although Antonia had been very supportive, she was miles away and I felt very much alone. She said that Claire was a friend of Grandma and could be trusted.

I felt a few tears go down my face. This was all getting much harder than I thought it would be.

Soon, I was in her arms, crying my eyes out. This was getting to be a habit!

After I had calmed down a bit, she led me into the sitting room and onto the sofa. She sat beside me and held my hand.

‘Tell me what’s troubling you.’

I tried to pull myself together.

I had to trust someone. It might all go terribly wrong and she might be like my parents and reject me but somehow I didn’t think that she would be like them and anyway, she was family, sort of.

I turned to her.

‘What do you see?’

‘Sorry?’

‘Looking at me, what do you see? What’s your impression of me?’

‘You are a very pretty girl who’s troubled and unhappy. I know that you didn’t get on with your parents, your grandma told me that much.’

I took a deep breath. ‘Here goes,’ I thought.

‘The name on my birth certificate is Christopher. I was born a boy, although I have never, for as long as I can remember, thought of myself as a boy. I have a penis, yes, but that’s it. In my head, I’m a girl.’

I didn’t look at her as I told her my story and how my parents never thought that I was a girl and how they had treated me all of my life. Also, the fact that my brother and sister never wanted anything to do with me and why I decided to leave home as soon as I could.

‘Grandma knew all of this and that is why she has helped me in all the ways that she could. I miss her so much.’

There, I had said it. I wondered how Hannah would take all these revelations and whether she would accept me for who I was and not someone who I could never be – a boy.

Of course, I was crying again and I held my head in my hands.

I had completely lost it.

I felt her comforting arms around me and I just cried myself out until I had no more tears in my tank.

I pulled myself together with the help of several tissues.

I finally looked at Claire.

‘Well, now you know.’ I said flatly.

‘I have a confession to make, I knew that you were born a boy. Gladys told me in confidence a long time ago. She’s always worried about you but could do nothing as your parents and her did not get on and she believed that she had no right to interfere as long as you were not physically abused. Looking at you, I can only see a girl. I don’t have any hang-ups regarding this. You have every right to live as you see fit. Each to their own, I say. I know that Gladys loved you like her own child and wanted to do what she could. When she became ill, she put things in motion like you having this cottage so that you could have a new start if you wish to. She also asked me to look out for you and help you in any way I can.’

She looked at me closely.

‘I know quite a few boys and frankly, you don’t look like any boy I’ve ever seen at your age, so I can see why your Grandma was worried about you.’

She hesitated.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Erm, I know that this is personal but are they real breasts under that top?

I hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

‘So you are on some drugs?’

I nodded again.

‘But, I thought you said that your doctor wasn’t helpful. Did you find another doctor?’

‘No.’ I whispered.

‘So, you got them from another supplier without medical supervision?’

I just nodded, feeling a bit ashamed for some reason.

She was silent for a moment.

‘Off the internet?’

‘Mmm.’

‘I’m not going to have a go at you, except to say that that is a very dangerous thing to do. Promise me that you won’t take any more without a doctor’s say so?’

I nodded; I couldn’t say anything else.

‘You have a doctor’s appointment on Monday?’

‘Yes, at 10.30,’ I replied, playing with the hem of my skirt.

‘Would you like me to come with you?’

I looked up at her kind face, hopefully.

‘Could you?’

‘Yes and after that, we’ll go to the college, if you like,’

‘That would be great, if you’re sure you want to.’

‘Of course I want to, otherwise I wouldn’t have offered. Before that, what you need to do Emma is to go onto the college website and have a look at the prospectus and application forms, they are online and you can send them off so that when you turn up they have much of the information they need to assess you. Also, you must tell them of your name change and the fact that you would now like to be considered a girl. I know that you are a girl, but you need to go through the motions.’

I hugged and thanked her for being so nice.

‘No worries, now there’s another thing that I want to say. Hannah is very upset wondering what she has done wrong. It’s up to you, I will keep your confidence, but do you think that you ought to tell Hannah what you have told me? She is very sympathetic and she won’t judge you. It would be good to have someone your own age in your corner.’

I thought about it.

In for a penny, as Grandma used to say.

‘OK.’

‘I’ll send her over. If you don’t want to sleep here tonight or at any time, you are very welcome to stay with us.’

‘Thank you, you’ve been wonderful. I want to stay here tonight but if I have any worries, I’ll let you know.’

‘Right,’ she said standing up, ‘I’ll send over Hannah.’

She gave me another hug and a kiss on the cheek, which was nice. I wasn’t used to anyone showing me such signs of affection apart from my lovely, sorely missed grandma. It was nice.

I was beginning to think that I had people on my side and it felt nice.

And so she left me there. I wondered if I did the right thing telling her and soon Hannah about me. Only time would tell.

To be continued..

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

There was a knock on the door shortly after Claire left.

With a sigh, I got up and went to the door. Opening it I saw Hannah. My heart flipped for some reason.

‘Hi,’ I said in a small voice.

‘Hello Emma, can I come in?’

‘Of course.’

We went into the kitchen. I offered her a coke and I joined her. We sat at the kitchen table.

‘Look Emma, I’m sorry if we upset you. The twins aren’t subtle if you know what I mean and I wasn’t much help either. I hate to see you upset.’

I sighed. I was doing a lot of that lately.

‘Has your mum said anything to you?’

‘Only that you wanted to talk to me.’

‘Here goes,’ I thought.

‘Look there’s something you need to know about me.’

‘What? Are you ill or something? You nearly fainted down by the quay.’

‘No, I had a bit of a panic attack.’

‘Why, was it the things we were saying?’

‘No, yes, oh this is so difficult. Look, I’m a girl, yes?’

‘Of course…’

I rubbed my forehead. The next few minutes could be difficult.

‘Well, I’m not.’

‘Not?’

‘No, not officially anyway. You see, I was born a boy…’

I won’t repeat my explanation, you have heard it more than once and I don’t want you to get bored.

All the time, Hannah was sipping her coke, nibbling on a hobnob distractedly and saying absolutely nothing. It was all a bit off-putting.

‘So there you have it. I told your mum, and she was very nice about it. I realised if we are to be friends, I couldn’t hide it from you. If I’m accepted at the college, the secret will probably get out anyway. If you don’t want to know me, I understand…’

She frowned.

‘Why wouldn’t I like, want to know you?’

‘Well, you might think that I’m a pretend girl or not the right sort of friend to have. A sham or sick joke…’

There go the tears again. What was it with me and tearing up?

She put her warm hand on mine. It felt nice, very nice.

‘Stop crying.’

‘I can’t, damned blockers. I’m all over the place.’

‘What blockers do you mean?’

‘I’m on tablets. They’re supposed to be blockers to stop me growing any more manly, but I have a feeling that they have other things in them.’

‘Your doctor wouldn’t prescribe pills that were dangerous.’

I looked up.

‘I got them off the internet.’

She winced.

‘Not a good idea. You hear stories…’

‘I was desperate. My doctor wouldn’t help me or my parents. I saw what puberty did to my brother, a hairy testosterone muscle man with acne and an attitude and I didn’t want to turn into anything like him.’

‘Even so.’

‘I’m seeing a doctor on Monday. Your mum said that she will go with me.’

‘Good, oh Mum told me we are related, some sort of cousin or something, that’s cool.’

‘Yes, that is cool.’

She took another sip of her drink.

‘So,’ I continued.

‘So, what?’ she replied.

‘What do you think?’

This was like extracting teeth, not pleasant.

‘Oh about you being a girl? Well, it would be obvious to a blind bat that you are a girl. Blimey, your more girlie than a lot of the ones at college.’

I felt a bit of relief.

‘So we can be friends?’

‘Of course. Look, as this is giving up your secrets time, you need to know that I’m gay, you know, a fully-fledged lesbian. Not a lot of people know that, only the ones that I care about and care about me.’

‘How long have you known?’

‘Long enough. When I was a little girl, it didn’t matter much, but as I got older it gradually crept up on me that boys were not my thing but girls were. I had a crush on a girl a year older than me. I kind of knew that she was like me. We went out for a bit and then she found someone else. Good thing really as she was a bit possessive and controlling. We always had to do what she wanted to do and she hated me even looking at other girls. She even told me what to like, wear. Since then, I have not been seeing anyone. I suppose that you like boys?’

‘No, not really.’ I said quietly. ‘I don’t have much of a sex drive. I suppose it has something to do with the pills I’m taking. Although, it’s funny.’

‘What?’

I noticed that she was still holding my hand.

‘I...I think I like girls more and when I first saw you, my tummy sort of flipped and my heart went nineteen to the dozen. You know what I mean?’

She nodded.

I said nothing. I hoped that I hadn’t put her off me by saying these things.

After a moment

‘Erm, I kind of know how you feel. I think I feel the same.’

I looked into her eyes, her pretty eyes.

‘I know that this a bit quick,’ she said, looking suddenly nervous, ‘and you have a few problems, but do you fancy going out to the pictures or something else sometime? You may not want to and I won’t be offended if you don’t want to. You hardly know me and…’

‘Yes.’

‘Yes, what?’

‘I would love to go out with you. As long as you know that I’m not a boy but have a few boy bits that I will get rid of as soon as I can.’

‘You’re no boy. I have this sixth sense that means I can tell boys from girls and no way are you a boy! There is a way that I can confirm that, if you want me to like, try.’

‘OK,’ I replied, somewhat puzzled.

‘Can you stand up?’

Regretfully, I let go of her hand and stood up.

‘Shut your eyes, I promise that nothing bad will happen.’

I did as I was told, a bit worried as to what might happen, but somehow trusting her, nevertheless.

I jumped slightly as she held both my hands and then she kissed me gently on the lips.

The kiss seemed to last forever and I was holding my breath. I had never felt like that before. It was heavenly.

Eventually, our lips parted. And I opened my eyes.

She was smiling.

‘Yup,’ she whispered, ‘there’s no doubt about it you’re a girl. A girl that I like very much.’

I was breathing slightly heavily and so was she. She also looked flushed and I bet I did too.

‘Erm, I’m not sure about all this. I need convincing. Can you do that again?’

She smiled.

‘No problem.’

‘This is silly, we’ve known each other for five minutes. How can we feel like this?’ I asked.

We were sitting outside on the bench overlooking my wonderful back garden and the sea beyond.

We were holding hands and I had my head nestled on Hannah’s shoulder. It was nice, very nice.

‘I don’t know, I’m as surprised as you are.’

‘We have to be sensible.’

She sighed.

‘I know, we need to get to know a lot more about each other before we really commit.’

‘Still, ‘I said, ‘there’s nothing wrong with being girlfriends.’

‘Mmm, close girlfriends,’

We kissed, one of those toe-curling ones, we opened our mouths and our tongues…

‘Very close girlfriends.’ I said breathlessly afterwards.

We giggled.

Soon after, Hannah had to go home as it was now getting a bit late. She wanted me to go home with her so that I didn’t have to spend my first night alone, but I decided that I wanted to spend the night in my new cottage, just to get used to things. I promised that if I had any problems. I would contact her. We had each other’s numbers, so that wasn’t a problem.

After a very protracted goodbye, she reluctantly left. Leaving me feeling that I now wished to have taken up her offer of going back with her.

I wasn’t very hungry, having eaten a good portion of fish and chips before I had thrown a wobbly and rushed off home.

It was starting to get dark outside, so I drew all the curtains and made sure that everywhere was locked.

I was tired; it had been a long and quite stressful day. I decided to have an early night.

I went upstairs to my bedroom and got ready for bed. Luckily I had already removed my makeup, so that was one chore I didn’t need to do. I had a shower, as I felt a bit grubby. As the water cascaded down my body, I thought that my breasts seemed to be growing a little bit and they were a little bit itchy and sensitive as the water hit them. My tummy and hated boy bits still ached slightly, but I felt a lot better than earlier.

After drying myself off, I had worn a shower hat so my hair was dry, I put on my nightie and went downstairs. I did not need a robe, even if I had one, as it was quite warm still.

I made myself some hot cocoa, turned the lights off and went to bed.

It was nice and cosy in the bed and I wondered how often Grandma had slept there. It was comforting to know that I was in her bed and it was almost like she was with me.

My phone pinged.

I picked it up. There was a message from Hannah.

Missing you already.

Missing you too!

Hang out tomorrow?

Of course. Have you told your mum?

About us?

Yes

I have. I couldn’t hide it as I think that I was a bit flushed for some reason. Mum has this sort of weird radar thing. She knew virtually straight away.

Is she OK about us?

She’s cool but said don’t rush into anything.

Like what?

Mad passionate lovemaking maybe?

LOL seems like a good idea but maybe wait a bit.

Agreed, but I don’t want to hurry things and I don’t think you do.

It’s terrible being sensible.

Tell me about it. Now, I’m knackered so I’m going to sleep.

Me too, not too early tomorrow, I need my beauty sleep. Night Hannah.

Night Emma, love you, xxxx

Me too you, xxxx

We both said the “L” word. Was it too soon? Somehow I didn’t think so. It all seemed so natural. Only time would tell how things would pan out.

Before I went to sleep, I powered up my laptop, went to the college website and filled out the entry assessment forms, it took longer than I thought, but finally, I finished and sent the details off. Only time would tell if they would have me. Were they funny about having a pupil like me, transgendered with a lot of issues? I would find out on Monday.

I must have been tired as I had a lovely sleep and didn’t wake up until 8.30, I was normally an early riser. I only woke up because I heard some church bells chiming in the distance and the seagulls were doing Riverdance on the roof.

I yawned, scratched an itchy breast absentmindedly, stretched and got up.

I didn’t bother with a shower as I had one the previous night. I did the usual things you do when getting up and then came the tricky problem of what to wear.

I took one look at the wardrobe and decided that I needed food before making any important decisions.

I did text Hannah for advice as she had been doing this sort of thing all her life.

Hi Hon,
Don’t know what to wear. Depends on what we are doing. Having breakfast now. Can you come over and help me after?
Love Emma xxxx

I went downstairs, put some bread in the toaster and made a mug of tea.

My feet were a bit cold on the tiles so I rushed upstairs and put on some fluffy socks that I bought on a whim at Primark. I also slipped on a cardi. I needed to get myself a robe or dressing gown and probably bunny rabbit slippers, don’t judge me. I could imagine that it would get cold in the winter in the old cottage with thick, solid walls.

When I came down again, the toaster had popped up and the tea was ready.

I was soon sitting eating my liberally buttered toast.

My mobile pinged.

Glad you got up at last!
I’ll be over at 10
Love Hannah xxxx

I looked at my watch, 9 o’clock, I finished my breakfast, washed the plate and mug and then went up to clean my teeth.

I quickly put on my face, which didn’t take too long as I was quite good at makeup thanks to the forums, TikTok and YouTube and I had practised time and time again in my bedroom when no one was about.

I brushed my hair and looking at it reflectively, I realised that I need to have a proper cut, it looked a bit too boyish for my liking.

I looked at my blocker pills and shook my head. A promise was a promise. I did take a few paracetamols though.

I was just about finished when I heard the door knocker.

I went downstairs and opened the door and there she was, Hannah.

She was wearing a white top and a pale blue short skirt. She looked lovely.

She looked at me and smiled.

‘Hello gorgeous, love the nightie.’ she said and then we got up close and personal and we kissed and hugged, probably shocking a few seagulls sitting on the wall outside.

Her hand brushed against my breast and a tremor ran through me.

'Ooh!'

'Sorry.'

'Don't be sorry!

We both giggled.

I could get used to this sort of affection!

‘Right,' said Hannah, all business, 'show me your wardrobe.’

'Yes Miss!'

'Cheek!'

Giggling, she chased me upstairs and in no time most of the clothes that I had were on the bed.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘Not that much here to choose from. We’ll have to go into Penzance soon and do some emergency clothes shopping. Anyway, anything you fancy wearing?’

‘Is it hot out?’

‘Getting that way.’

I fancied a dress that day. I picked up one.

‘Nope, too dark.’

I picked out another.

‘Nope, too old for you. What about that one?

She pointed to a yellow strappy sundress.

I hadn’t worn it yet. I held it up in front of me and looked in the mirror.

It looked nice.

‘Okay, I’ll wear that one. Do you want to go downstairs and make us a cup of tea?’

She looked at me and smiled.

‘See you in a minute.’ She said, kissing my cheek and then she left me to get dressed.

I didn’t want her to see my body. There were parts of it that I hated and was very self-conscious about. I fully intended to go the whole way and remove my boy bits and have functioning girl bits as soon as I possibly could!

I remember when I was much younger, looking at the garden shears and wondering if I could…

No, I shuddered at that thought. I wasn’t going there.

I looked in the mirror once I had put on my dress and I liked what I saw. Using tight panties, I had been able to hide my tell-tale bulge and it all looked kind of natural.

One problem was that my bra straps were showing. If I wore that sort of dress often, I would have to get a strapless bra. More expense! Still, for now, I would live with bra straps showing. It wasn’t the end of the world.

I went downstairs and found Hannah outside on the terrace, sitting on the bench. I joined her.

‘You look nice,’ she said.

‘So do you. Have you any plans for today?’

‘Not really. It all kicks off tomorrow what with seeing the doctor and trying to get into the college.’

She thought for a moment.

‘You know that you are desperately in need of clothes?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘I’ve done my best, but I haven’t had the opportunity to do much.’

She touched my hand.

‘I know it’s been tough, but what you have, sorry to tell you this, isn’t much good. You haven’t had a style consultant like me to advise you.’

‘So you’re a style consultant are you?’

‘Of course, I have been dressing like a girl all my life and have been in every good shop in Cornwall, so I know my stuff.’

‘What are you driving at Hannah?’

‘It’s Sunday, so the shops in Penzance are open until 4 pm. Let me sweet talk Mum into taking us there. Buses are crap around here. If you haven’t got a car, you are flummoxed as Dad says. You have some money?’

‘Yes, I have some cash that I could spend as long as I don’t go too mad. I have a cottage and living expenses to account for though.’

‘Hark at you, the property owner! So, do you want to go into Penzance?’

‘OK, if we can cadge a lift.’

‘Let’s go to mine and ask Mum. Grab your shoes and bag. At least we don’t need coats, it’s going to be a scorcher today.’

I locked up everywhere and we were soon going next door to Hannah's house.

Claire was in the kitchen and she looked up as we walked in.

‘Hello girls, what are you up to?’

‘Mum, can you do us a favour?’

‘Probably not, why?’

‘Don’t be like that. I’ve just seen Emma’s clothes and she is in crisis.’

‘What?’

‘She has nothing to wear…’

‘I have,’ I protested.

‘Yes, but not much. We’ve had that discussion, like, already. We need to go into Penzance and you know what the buses are like, especially on Sundays.’

‘You want a lift?’

‘Please.’

‘And what about Sunday dinner?’

‘I’ll give it a miss if that’s alright.’

‘And I suppose you’ll want picking up again?’

‘Thanks for offering Mummy, you’re the greatest.’

‘I didn’t offer anything and don’t “Mummy” me. You might be able to wrap your father around your little finger but I’m made of stronger stuff.’

‘Of course, you are, but could you?’

‘What?’

‘Give us a lift there and back? We’ll eat out and you know that Emma has to go to College and she needs to look nice and then there are the doctors and…’

‘STOP!’

Hannah stopped.

‘Emma?’

‘Yes Claire?’

‘You don’t have to do what Hannah says, you do know that?’

‘I do know, but she’s right, I do need some things.’

I was holding Hannah’s hand without realising it.

Claire looked at us and sighed.

‘I can see that you two are definitely an item and metaphorically joined at the hip. I suppose that means that I have to look out for both of you now, especially you Emma as you are sort of home alone now. Alright, give me five minutes and then I’ll be ready.’

She left us alone in the kitchen and Hannah and I took the opportunity to have a quick kiss and cuddle…

‘Hello, what’s going on here then?’

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned around.

A man stood there; he was big, very big. He had on a scruffy pair of jeans and a t-shirt that had seen many better days.

‘Hello Dad, this is Emma.’

He looked at me and smiled.

‘So you are the famed Emma. Hannah can’t stop talking about you.’

Hannah blushed to her roots.

He had a kind face and I liked him instinctively.

In the back of my mind, there was a slight amount of jealousy. Why couldn’t my parents be like Hannah’s?

‘Hello,’ I said shyly.

‘So,’ he said taking a seat at the kitchen table, ‘what are you two up to today?’

‘Going into Penzance.’

‘To spend money?’

‘Sort of, Emma needs some clothes.’

‘I thought all girls needed to buy clothes whenever they went anywhere near a clothes shop.’

‘Are talking about little me?’

‘If the cap fits.’

‘That’s very sexist and judgemental Daddy.’

‘Just the truth. And calling me Daddy doesn’t mean that you can squeeze money out of me.’

‘I’m hurt,’ said Hannah, feigning innocence.

Just then Claire came in.

‘Right, are you ready?’

Hannah nodded.

Her Dad shook his head and sighed.

‘Use the debit card we gave you, but don’t go mad. Money doesn’t grow on trees.’

‘Doesn’t it? I never knew. Anyway, thank you Daddykins!’

She gave her father a kiss and a cuddle.

‘Go away before I change my mind. Nice to see you Emma.’

I smiled and we left to go to Penzance.

It was much quicker getting to Penzance by car than by bus even if you could get one on a Sunday.

Soon, Claire stopped the car and we got out.

‘Phone me and I’ll pick you up at the car park when you are ready, not too late. Don’t forget college tomorrow Hannah and you have things to do too Emma.’

‘Ok, thanks for giving us a lift Claire,’ I said.

‘Why can’t you be that polite Hannah?’

‘I am… erm sometimes. Anyway, bye Mum, see you later.’

With that, Claire was gone and I was left to the tender mercies of Hannah.

‘Right,’ said Hannah, rubbing her hands together, ‘let’s do it!’

Penzance isn’t a city, it’s a town. It hasn’t got as many shops as some places, but it’s not too bad for shopping. You get more local retailers than some of the bigger names, but there was more than enough for me. I never really liked shopping, but this was a kind of different experience for me.

Hannah was on a mission to get me to try on and buy as many clothes and accessories as possible. First though, she was insisting on my having to do the one thing that I dreaded.

Ever since I was interested in being the bestest girl I could be, I had wanted to have my ears pierced and wear lovely earrings. Some boys have one ear piercing but I wasn’t interested in that, I wanted to have the set.

Problem is that I’m terrified of needles.

I had spoken to Hannah about this and she said that I was being a baby and it doesn’t hurt a bit. She made it her mission to get me to do the necessary.

She knew a place in Penzance called Claire’s. they were the best, according to her and kicking and screaming, I found myself in there. Alright, that’s an exaggeration, I was so scared though, I nearly wet myself. I was shaking so much that if I had a glass of milk in my hand, it would have been turned into a milkshake.

Tanya had a white coat on and looked very medicalified, if that’s a word.

She was full of enthusiasm and sales patter.

‘Emma, you’re very late to have your ears pierced?.’

‘My parents wouldn’t let me.’

‘What a shame. Never mind love, you’ll love them. Now we don’t charge you for the piercing as long as you purchase our kit. Would you like to do that?’

I looked at Hannah who nodded her head enthusiastically. She was enjoying my discomfort just a bit too much.

I might have words later.

‘OK.’ I replied, my voice quavering slightly.

Tanya showed me several sets of earrings for me to choose and in the end, with Hannah’s input, I chose the 9ct Gold Rhodium Plated 3mm Crystal Studs Ear Piercing Kit with After Care Lotion, according to the blurb.

To me, they were just the prettiest!

Tanya had me sit on a stool and explained what was going to happen. She put a dot on each ear using a marker and then with a mirror, confirmed that was where I wanted them. I just nodded, having lost the power of speech.

She then started chatting about this, that and the other, but once again, it was going over my head and I didn’t take much of it in. I had second third and fourth thoughts about having someone shoot an arrow through my ears, but in the end, I just closed my eyes and let her get on with it.

Hannah held my hand and I think that it was something of a death grip as she yelled more than I did!

You might think that I was being a bit of a baby, but that’s your problem, not mine.

Anyway, she swabbed my ears with something cool and then I felt something grip my earlobe. There was a bang and I jumped a bit.

‘That’s one done, now the other.’

My other ear was gripped and there was another bang and it was done.

Did it hurt? A little bit, but I think the fear of what was coming made it worse. Yes, my ears ached a bit afterwards but apart from a couple of sharp pricks, it was all over.

I let go of Hannah’s hand and she flexed it, wincing slightly for some reason.

So it was all over. I didn’t know what the fuss was about, it wasn’t that bad. I had a medical lesson about keeping things clean and that was it. I had some lovely Crystal earrings that looked fabulous.

My ears were throbbing a bit as we carried on shopping, but I’m a big girl and I could take the pain. Any available mirrors in shops were furtively glanced at, as I admired my brand-new sparkling earrings. I’m not vain but I did like what I saw. Having earrings was one of my big wishes and now I had them made me feel a tiny bit smug.

That evening, looking back at the day, I lost count of the number of shops we went into and the number of clothes I tried on.

Dresses, skirts, tops, coats and countless shoes were tried on and I bought plenty of things including some very pretty undies and looking at all the bags, I wondered how we were able to carry so much stuff.

Hannah also gave her debit card a good workout and I didn’t want to be there when her parents saw the bank statement!

While we were out, we went into Boots and I bought several makeup items. There was a lady there, who claimed that she was a bit of an expert, and she convinced me that I needed better makeup than I already had. This didn’t surprise me as I had bought all my makeup from the internet and I hadn’t really got a clue.

I evidently had what was technically called combination skin, which sounded a bit alarming but wasn’t that unusual according to Claudia, the makeup guru.

So I was persuaded by Claudia, with the assistance of an enthusiastic Hannah, to buy everything needed for “the perfect face”.

In my opinion, my face wasn’t anything like perfect, but it all sounded nice and persuasive so I just went with the flow.

You would have thought, being so young with nice clear skin, that I wouldn’t need much in the way of cosmetics, but evidently, what I had to have was the works. Foundation, blush, eyeliner and shadow, mascara, lip gloss, the items seemed endless, but I got out of there eventually with yet another bag of goodies.

You might think that I wasn’t enjoying myself, but I was. This was my first truly girlie shopping experience and I loved it!

Whilst in Penzance we had lunch at McD’s it was nice and cheap. A good thing, as I had made a considerable dent in my savings. It was nice to be treated as a normal girl. No one screamed fake at me or questioned who or what I was. I even had a spotty youth serving me in McDonald’s trying to chat me up, which helped me with my confidence. I don’t think that Hannah approved though!

We were eventually picked up by Claire and her eyes grew wide when she realised how many bags we had. She admired my ears and reminded me to keep things clean, otherwise, I might get an infection.

Charming!

That night, as I lay in bed, I smiled. It had been a good day and very enjoyable. I was wearing my new cream satin jimjams and feeling almost glamorous.

I felt my ears and turned my earrings like a good little girl. I was determined to look after my ears and I would follow the directions religiously. There was only a little niggly pain now, but that was worth it.

It had taken ages to put my new clothes and shoes away, even with the help of Hannah, who had me try on everything, just in case.

Reluctantly, she went home after a protracted lip wrestling session. Eventually, we would no doubt get a bit more intimate, as they say, but for the moment, we were happy with things as they were. We were still feeling our way and didn’t want to get too silly.

I hate being sensible!

As I lay in bed, I flicked through a teen mag bought that day and looked at the letters page. There were so many girls with problems, like love life, parent problems, spots and hormones. I think that I was lucky as I was healthy and happy enough.

I smiled at my recollection of the day. It had been wonderful. When I was much younger and pretending to be a boy, I had been forced to go shopping with my mother and sister and had been dragged into clothes shops against my will. Anne, my sister, tried on countless dresses, tops skirts and all manner of goodies and I was forced to watch the proceedings, yearning to be in her position and I was so jealous.

I turned over the page and saw an incredibly pretty girl wearing a dress that I would die for and I sighed, wishing that I could look half as nice as her.

I yawned and put the magazine down.

Then I remembered what was going to happen the next day. I had to see a doctor and arrange my education. For some reason, I started crying. What was going on? One minute I was happy and the next minute all unhappy and depressed.

My groin area ached a bit and I rubbed it. It was probably nerves. I went into the bathroom and took a couple of paracetamols. They usually helped. After that, I jumped back into bed and settled down a bit.

As I lay there, I wondered for the umpteenth time what would happen the next day. I had stopped taking my blockers, a promise made to Claire. She told me to take the pills with me when I went to see Doctor Sullivan. I wasn’t looking forward to that, but if I was to transition, I would have to have the support of a doctor. I just hoped that she wouldn’t be like my old doctor and tell me that it was a phase and I would grow out of it.

Then there was the college, would they accept me as a girl? I would have to tell them of my circumstances.

It was all too much to think of. I would just have to wait and see.

I yawned. It had been a long day and I needed my beauty sleep. Turning off the bedside lamp, it didn’t take long for me to go off.

My phone alarm went off at 8.00.

For a moment, I didn’t realise where I was and then I remembered and smiled.

I was in my cottage, yes mine!

I was able to live the life I wanted to. No more pretending to be a boy. No more unhappy home life with a family that didn’t love me. I had found more love in the last few days than I had ever had in my life apart from Grandma, of course.

I stretched and got up, distractedly scratching my bottom in a ladylike manner. I had things to do. Claire was going to pick me up at 9.30.

I had a quick shower including washing my hair, I dried myself off and put a brush through my hair. It was getting a bit longer but I wanted it to grow out a bit more. I would have to go to a salon in Penzance to have a proper cut soon. I could make my hair look as girlie as possible, but it could certainly do with some professional help.

I went downstairs and had some toast washed down with a mug of tea. Then went upstairs to get ready for the day ahead.

What to wear? I could ask Hannah, but she was going to be busy getting ready for college herself if she hadn’t gone already. I would have to go it alone. Looking out of the window, I saw that it was another fine cloudless day, but this was Cornwall, so anything could happen. Looking at my phone, the app said that it was going to be fine and hot and zero chance of rain.

I put on my bra and tight panties to tuck my hated boy bits away. Then, after a lot of thought, I decided to keep things simple with a pale blue silky top and a short, mid-thigh, white skirt. I wore trainer socks to go with my new pink-laced trainers.

It only took a few minutes to apply my makeup, as I didn’t want to overdo it. I loved the way that the makeup brought my face to life but I hated the way some girls cake it on with a trowel! That was not for me; keep it simple. The new makeup was much better than the internet-bought products that I had before.

I looked at myself critically in the full-length mirror on my wardrobe door and smiled. I looked nice. Then I frowned, I wasn’t getting above myself, was I? Maybe I thought I looked pretty but perhaps others might not think the same.

I shrugged. I had enough to worry about without self-doubt about my looks. I fingered my earrings and twisted them. I still loved them but looked forward to the time when I could wear something large, maybe hoops?

Finally, after spritzing myself with perfume, I put on my Pandora silver bracelet, necklace and watch and I was ready.

While I remembered and before doing anything else, I phoned my old school and spoke to the secretary.

‘Hello Mrs James, This is erm, Chris Latham, just to let you know that I’ve moved and won’t be returning to school.

‘Oh, right, where have you moved to?’

‘Cornwall.’

‘This is all a bit sudden. Will you be enrolling in a school there?’

‘Yes, I’m trying for places there. My new college will probably want school records from you.’

‘OK, get them to contact me. Good luck in your new college.’

‘Thanks, bye.

‘Goodbye.’

It was as easy as that!

Looking at the watch, I realised that I only had five minutes, so I went downstairs, picked up my new shoulder bag, left the cottage and walked next door.

I knocked at Claire’s cottage and she answered the door with a nice smile on her face. She was wearing a lovely lemon-coloured dress.

‘My, you look lovely Emma.’

‘Thanks, so do you.’ I mumbled, not used to such praise.

She smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

‘I won’t be a minute come in.’

She went upstairs and came down with her bag and a cardigan.

‘Will you be warm enough?’ she asked.

‘I think so,’ I replied.

‘OK let’s go.’

Soon we were going out of the village and onto the main road leading towards Penzance. Claire had the radio on playing the sort of music old people liked. I didn’t say anything, each to their own.

I received a text from Antonia, it simply said,

Good luck today, I’m thinking of you, any problems, let me know.
Love Antonia xxx

It was nice that she was thinking of me. I had some nice people on my side. I had received a similar text from Hannah earlier.

I was determined not to cry, but it was a near thing!

I was quiet on our journey and so was Claire. I had no idea what she was thinking, but I had a knot in my stomach. Today was perhaps one of the most important days of my life and I had no idea how things would go.

Soon enough, we were in Penzance and parking up.

We got out of the car.

‘Ready?’ she asked.

I just nodded. I had lost the power of speech.

‘Don’t worry honey, it will be all right and I’ll be there for you.’

That made me feel a bit better and I smiled weakly.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

All too soon we were at the surgery and we walked in.

I had not been to a doctor's surgery for quite some time and as I waited with Claire to go and see the doctor, I felt a little bit nauseous and my heart was working overtime. It was warm outside, but in the surgery, the aircon was working overtime and my arms had goose pimples.

There were a few other people there including a small boy with his mum. The boy was picking his nose and examining the contents.

Charming.

‘Are you OK?’ asked Claire.

‘A bit nervous.’

‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.’

I nodded uncertainly.

‘Will you come in with me?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Mmm.’

‘That would be great.’

‘Emma, you can go in now,’ said the receptionist with a smile.

I stood up, smoothed down my skirt, gulped and followed Claire into the consulting room.

Dr Sullivan was sitting behind a desk, she motioned us to sit down.

She was, I would say, in her thirties and had a nice friendly face. It helped to put me at ease, slightly.

‘Hello Emma and Claire. Nice to see you again Claire.’

‘Yes, it’s been a while.’

‘We must have lunch.’

‘That would be nice.’

Claire turned to me.

‘Dr Sullivan and I were at school together and are school governors.’

That was news to me, but I was more interested in what was going to happen next.

The doctor looked at her computer and then turned to me.

‘Right Emma, your cousin Antonia contacted me to make an appointment, but because of confidentiality, she was unable to give me any indication as to what the problem is. I know that you have just moved into the area and you will be transferred to us as your doctors, but we will need to have your medical records transferred to us. Are there any prior health issues that I should be made aware of?’

‘Erm, I don’t think so, oh maybe some.’

She smiled.

‘So, how can I help you and why are your parents not with you?’

‘I…I moved away because I don’t get on with my parents.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘Auntie C…I mean Claire is sort of helping me.’

‘Call me Auntie Claire if you like, honey.’

I smiled, slightly tearfully.

‘Thanks, you’ve done more for me than you will ever know.’

I turned back to the doctor who was looking at me questioningly.

I took a deep breath.

‘Here we go,’ I thought.

‘W…when you look at me, what do you see?’

The doctor looked puzzled for a moment.

‘A pretty young girl. Why?’

‘According to my birth certificate, the thing between my legs, my parents and my old doctor, I’m a boy.’

With that, of course, I burst into tears.

Nothing new there!

It took a few moments to pull myself together but with the help of several tissues and hugs from Claire, I pulled myself together. I had no idea what my makeup looked like, but I assumed that my eyes resembled a panda.

Why did I wear makeup? I would never learn.

‘Feeling better?’ asked the doctor.

I nodded.

‘Right, start from the beginning and tell me all about it.’

So I did. I won’t repeat things, as I have already explained all that had happened to me.

She stopped me when I got to the pills.

‘Can I see the pills?’

I took the packet out of my shoulder bag and with a slightly shaky hand, gave them to her.

She looked at them closely and then at the leaflet inside the packet.

She sighed.

‘How long have you been taking these?’

‘About eighteen months.’

She winced.

‘There’s no point giving you a lecture about how silly you’ve been. You bought these off the internet and have no real idea what’s in them.’

‘A few of my friends on the forum say that they got good results.’

‘They are not doctors and you never know what long-term effects these pills have. Anyway, it's no good crying over spilt milk. Carry on with your story.’

So I did and eventually, after I had finished, the doctor looked at me.

‘You’ve had it a bit rough, haven’t you?’

‘Mmm.’

She looked at me for a moment.

‘I am going to have to give you a full examination. Luckily you have a double appointment and my next patient cancelled, so I have a bit more time. Go behind that screen and take everything off. There’s a paper gown there, so slip that on. Give me a call when you are ready.’

I did as I was asked. I could hear a mumbled conversation between Claire and the Doctor, but couldn’t pick up anything.

Finally, I finished and stepped out. The paper gown wasn’t exactly comfortable or fashionable and was open at the back, but I supposed that it was necessary.

‘I’ll go outside,’ said Claire standing up.

‘Please stay,’ I pleaded.

‘I would normally get the nurse in, but if you want Claire to stay, that’s fine.’

Claire sat down again.

‘Right Emma, pop up on the examination couch and let's have a look at you.

I sat there as she did things with her cold stethoscope that made me jump. Claire read a magazine whilst all this was being done.

The doctor examined my breasts closely and poked and prodded a bit, asking me to let her know if I felt any pain. It felt a bit tender and itchy around my nipples and I told her.

Then she moved to my penis area and exclaimed as she felt my sack.

‘Hmm, small undeveloped penis and your testicles are very small and hard.’

‘Is that something to do with the pills?’

‘Not sure, any pain?’

‘Sometimes. I take paracetamol, it seems to help.’

She carried on with examining the area. She squeezed my testicle sack gently and I felt a sharp pain.

‘Ouch!’

‘That hurts?’

I nodded.

‘How long have you experienced pain there?’

‘Several months.’

‘What sort of pain is it?’

‘A dull ache, but sometimes it’s a bit sharp.’

I looked over at Claire who had stopped pretending to read and was looking over with interest.

She carried on feeling around my groin area.

‘Hmm, ah, hmm.’

I didn’t like the sound of that. Had she found something nasty, maybe cancer?

She thankfully stopped her prodding and looked at me.

‘Do you have mood swings?’

‘Sometimes, I haven’t really thought about it except that I thought that my hormones may be a bit haywire.’

‘Right stand up and bend over onto the couch. This might be uncomfortable.’

I jumped slightly as she stuck a gloved finger up my bottom. It wasn’t very nice.

‘OK, sit on the couch again. I need to take some blood for testing.’

As you know, I’m not that keen on needles, being a natural-born coward, but it didn’t hurt that much and I managed to bravely avoid screaming. I expected a lollypop afterwards but was disappointed when I wasn’t given one. What was the world coming to?

After having a small plaster placed on the stab site. The doctor looked at her notes and then up at me.

‘A few personal questions. Do you have erections?’

I looked over at Claire who was now reading her magazine rather intensely. It must be a good article! I thought in passing.

‘No.’

Do you know what semen is?’

‘Yes, we did sex education at school and boys talk.’

‘Do you ever leak any semen, say into your pants?’

‘No.’ I replied, my face getting hot, ‘I don’t think so. I do get a squishy tummy when I kiss Hannah though, but no leaks. erm…oops!’

Oh God, Claire was sitting there! I daren’t look at her!

‘No wet dreams?’

‘Never.’

This was getting very embarrassing and I definitely wished now that Claire wasn’t in the room.

I looked over to her who had looked up and smiled slightly, I hoped in sympathy.

Dr Sullivan smiled.

‘Okay go and get dressed.’

I breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully, the inquisition was over.

As I dressed again, I was dreading what the doctor was going to say. Was it cancer? After all that I had gone through, that would be the last straw.

In a few minutes, I was back sitting in the chair facing the doctor and awaiting the verdict.

‘Well Emma, I have a pretty good idea of what is going on but we will need to have some further tests carried out at the hospital.’

‘Is it cancer?’ I blurted out.

‘Probably not but we need to check things out. I strongly suspect that the pills you have been taking include oestrogen and possibly other drugs. I will send them off for analysis. Blockers would not normally give you increased breast tissue or shrink your testicles. Also, your body is showing signs that you are developing more as a girl rather than a boy. Your testicles have atrophied and I’m not happy with them. I believe that they are not functioning and will have to be removed, otherwise, they may in the future become cancerous.’

‘Is that why they ache?’

‘Probably, but don’t worry, I think that we have caught this in time but if you had left things as they are for much longer, you may have had serious problems. As it is, you will likely have to have your testicles removed, but I doubt if you would object to that.’

‘It very would be nice if they are removed, I’ve never wanted them or my penis. Can you tell me if my mood swings and crying a lot have anything to do with the pills?’

‘If, as I suspect, the pills have oestrogen and maybe progesterone in them, not to mention a few other things that might not be too good, then yes this may account for how you are feeling. I will be in a better position to know the course of action once you have completed the tests at the hospital. I will request the tests as a priority but unfortunately, due to the fallout following Covid, we may have to wait some time before we can have the tests carried out, but I want you to contact me immediately if you feel any changes down there or any lumps, bumps, aches or pains anywhere else, okay?’

All these explanations made me feel a bit better, but not much. I was quite concerned about the delays due to that terrible Pandemic. There were too many unanswered questions for my liking. And as for the big C… I didn’t want to go there.

‘As for your gender problems,’ continued the doctor, ‘It is obvious to me that you consider yourself as a girl and I will give you the number of a good gender dysphoria clinic, that will assess you and help you going forward. Do you intend to full transition after you are 18?’

‘Yes, as soon as I can.’

‘Well, it won’t be easy. These things never are and you have to go through a lot of hoops, but hopefully, in the end, you will get your wish. We’ll leave it there and I will let you know when your hospital appointment is. It’s urgent so I expect some things to happen soon, however, I don’t know how soon. The waiting lists are getting horrendous. Any other questions?’

‘No, but will you give me any blockers?’

‘I don’t think that they are needed now as you appear to have testicles that don’t have any functionality, but we can review things after your hospital tests. Now, are you sure that you don’t want your parents to be involved in your decisions?’

‘Never.’

‘I understand, I know it’s difficult. Well, my next appointment is due, so I’ll probably see you next week after the tests. Please do not take any pills that you obtain from the internet.’

With that warning, we left.

As we drove to the college, I had a lot to think about.

‘How do you think it went at the doctor's, Emma?’

‘It was nice that she was so sympathetic, but I’m worried about the hospital tests and the gender clinic.’

‘I don’t think that you need to worry too much about cancer. Doctor Sullivan is a very good doctor and knows her stuff. If she says that she doesn’t think it’s cancer then it almost certainly isn’t. She used to be a cancer specialist in London. As for the gender clinic, you must have known that you would have to go through the hoops to get what you want.’

‘I know, I have read a lot about what I will have to go through. I can’t say that I look forward to it though.’

‘Don’t worry about it now. Let’s go and have a coffee and cake.’

We sat in the coffee shop and I had a hot chocolate and creamy cake as I thought that coffee might make me feel even more hyper than I was at the moment. Claire rang the college whilst we were in the coffee shop and made arrangements for us to pop in and see the admissions officer about a possible place. It would be in the next hour. Not long but the college was evidently only a twenty-minute drive away.

I had printed out details of my education qualifications, just in case my online application forms hadn’t been processed. I also had a letter and a copy of the deed poll from Antonia explaining my name change.

I was almost as nervous about the college as I was about visiting the doctor's surgery, but it had to be done.

It was quite a large campus and the car park was a bit full. We eventually parked up and walked towards the large rather impressive main building. Claire knew it well as she was one of the student governors, which was handy for me as I thought that it might help me with getting into college.

The lady in reception pointed the way to the admissions office and soon we were sitting opposite a lady with the name of Penny Snodgrass of all names.

She was, I suppose, in her fifties and had a bright, welcoming smile.

‘Nice to see you both. Emma, is it?’

‘Yes,’ I replied.

‘You would like to join us, I hear?’

‘Yes, if that’s possible.’

‘Have you any paperwork?’

I passed over everything I thought that she might need.

‘I haven’t had time to look over your online application, can you give me a few minutes?’

‘Yes,’ I replied.

‘I tell you what, why don’t you both get yourself a coffee or something? Go out of this door, turn left and it’s at the end of the corridor, you can’t miss it. Give me twenty minutes then come back, OK?’

We both nodded and left her to it.

The café was bright and airy and the cola was refreshing. The Danish pastry was something that I just couldn’t resist!

There were only a few people in the café, and we found a seat by a window that overlooked the campus. I liked the feel of the place and I hoped that I would be accepted. Evidently, it had a good reputation and of course, Hannah was a student, not that that influenced me in any way!

Soon, it was time to go back to the admissions office and we were soon sitting opposite Penny Snodgrass.

‘Right Emma,’ she said, ‘I’m now up to date with things how they are with you. You are sixteen and live in a cottage in Porthlowen. I understand that you moved away from home a few days ago. Can I ask why you decided to leave home?’

I gulped, I hadn’t elaborated about that on my application and hoped that it could have been overlooked.

‘My parents and I never got on. I suffered a lot from mental cruelty. I was never hit, but it was bad, very bad. I had to go as soon as it was legally possible and thanks to my grandmother, I’ve been able to move down here to begin my new life.’

‘Okay, fair enough. Now you were brought up as a boy although you consider yourself to be a girl, hence the name change and appearance.’

‘Yes.’

‘If you don’t mind me saying, you look lovely. Now, are you under a doctor's supervision?’

‘Yes, I am now.’

‘Claire, do you vouch for Emma?’

‘Yes, I do. I knew her grandmother well and knew of Emma’s problems quite some time ago. She’s a lovely girl and is a very close friend of my daughter, who is a student here, as you know.’

‘Emma, why do you think that you will do well here?’

‘Because I want the best education possible and be able to fulfil my dream job.’

‘Which is?’

‘I want to go to medical school and then be a doctor.’

She looked pleasantly surprised.

‘Is that why the subjects you have chosen are chemistry, biology and physics?’

‘Yes.’

I had always wanted to be a doctor. I have no idea when the idea came into my head, but it had stuck with me through thick and thin. I had looked into it and saw how difficult an ambition it was. One of the reasons why I had pushed myself with my education, despite having parents who couldn’t care less about me, was that I wanted to help others and being a doctor was something that I dreamed about. My continuing education was all about that dream.

‘You will need to be on top of your game to get the qualifications but we would do all that we can to help you.’

She looked at her screen, typed a few words and then turned back to me, smiling.

‘I think that we can offer you a place, subject to certain checks that we have to do, which include contacting your previous school. We will not, however, discuss with other parties anything of a personal nature without your permission. We have equal opportunities and non-discrimination policies at our college. We also have several gender-neutral toilets. We also have an LGBT-plus support group at the college. I can’t say that you will never experience problems, but we have a good record of dealing with those problems satisfactorily.’

I did wonder what my old school would think about being informed of my apparent change of sex, but I would worry about that later. Maybe Antonia could help with that?

‘One thing,’ she continued, ‘you are late to join the college this term and your peers will be ahead of you. Subject to the approval of your tutors, I believe that it would be best if you start properly next term with the new set of students, that way you would not be disadvantaged. We have had students in a similar position to you regarding coming in late for studies. For the moment, you will be allocated a tutor who will arrange some foundation studies so that you can get up and running for next term. You will be tested to assess your level of education from your previous school. Also, it means that you can use all the facilities available at the college and attend some lectures that will give you a feel of how things work around here. Does that suit you?’

‘That would be great,’ I replied,

We all stood up and Ms Snodgrass shook our hands.

‘Welcome to our college, Emma. It will take a few days to sort things out. I will email you details of the courses that you wish to study, timetables and other useful information. Looking at the schedules, you could start on Monday of next week if that’s acceptable.’

‘Yes, that would be great!’

‘Your new tutor will probably want to speak to you via Zoom at some stage, would that be okay?’

‘Of course.’

‘She’ll contact you directly about that to make arrangements. In the meantime, I’ll email the confirmation of your acceptance and hopefully see you on Monday. See you then.’

With that, we left and I was on a bit of a high. I wasn’t used to things going so well for me and hoped that my worries were now in the past. I still had health problems though, so I wouldn’t get too cocky!

‘Well,’ said Claire as we walked back to the car, ‘you’re a dark horse. I didn’t know that you wanted to be a doctor.’

‘Yes, it’s something I always wanted to be since I was small. I don’t know why, but it feels like the right thing to do for me.’

‘You do know that your grandma was a doctor?’

‘Was she? She never said.’

‘She was a very good GP evidently.’

As we were in Penzance and it was close to lunchtime, Claire treated me to lunch in a nice restaurant in the harbour. It was old-fashioned pub fare and my steak pie was wonderful!

After that, we went into a few shops and Claire bought herself a jumper. I had more clothes than ever now so I wasn’t that interested in anything new but then I saw a dress, “the dress”. I sighed; it was a lovely red midi dress.

How can I describe it? It was a cold shoulder V-neck solid dress It was the sort of dress that you would wear at a posh party. Claire looked at me.

‘You like it?’

‘I love it!’

‘It’s in the sale.’

‘When will I wear it?’

‘Hannah sometimes goes out with her friends to some nice places. She loves to dress up.’

‘Shall I try it on?’

‘If you like it, why not?’

I didn’t take much persuasion and soon I went into the changing room and slipped into it. I was admiring myself in the mirror and thinking it looked very nice.

I went outside to show Claire.

‘Oh, Emma it’s so pretty and so are you.’

I went into the red-face routine that I was sure was redder than the dress!

‘You do need shoes though…’

So I bought the dress and then we searched for red shoes that would go with it. High heels, I evidently had to have them and nothing else would do.

I wasn’t used to heels with any height and it was laughable as I walked or tried to walk up and down the shop floor. I was assured by Claire that I would soon get used to them. I wasn’t so sure but went with the flow and bought them, together with a handbag, red, of course!

My bank card had certainly taken a hit lately, but as we walked back to the car, I felt that it was money well spent.

It didn’t take long to arrive back home. As we pulled into her drive, I turned to her.

‘Thank you so much, Auntie Claire, for coming with me.’

Well, she did say that I could call her Auntie; we were related and I needed all the family I could get!

She smiled warmly.

‘I think that it’s nice having a niece and it’s nice having quality time with you!’ Do you want to come in for a drink?’

‘No, if it’s all right with you, I want to go home and send a few texts.’

‘Do you want to come for tea tonight?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course, I wouldn’t ask otherwise.’

‘OK, what time?’

‘About 6?’

‘Great, see you then.’

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

‘Bye.’

‘Bye, hon.’

As I walked up my path I was smiling. Things went better than I could have hoped.

I unlocked the door and was soon in my kitchen with a mug of tea and a chocolate biscuit.

My phone rang.

It was an unknown number.

‘Hello?’

‘Chris?’

It was my brother.

‘What do you want?’

‘I want to know where the hell you are. Mum and Dad have been bending my ear about you, you ungrateful bugger.’

‘Go away and don’t call me again.’

I ended the call and immediately blocked any unknown number calls.

I would have to change my phone and quickly. I was paranoid that somehow they could trace me via my phone.

My brother didn’t sound concerned about me, just annoyed. Nothing new there.

The call put a bit of a damper on my day. The last people I wanted to talk to was my old family. Yes, I considered them my old family. If it was possible and there was a law for it, I would divorce the lot of them just like you can with marriage.

I was annoyed with myself. I should have put a block on all unknown numbers.

One good thing was that the family didn’t know where I was living now. The last thing I wanted was for them to find me. I knew that they didn’t care for me, but they would come after me just to make my life a misery.

It was a concern for me that my parents might want to trace me and cause me trouble. I knew that they did not love or want me, but I felt very insecure about them. I just wanted to forget them and start leading my own life and making my own decisions. I also felt that if they knew about Grandma giving me the cottage, a cottage that they had no idea Grandma owned, they might want to contest my ownership of it.

I was so worried, I texted Antonia.

Hi Antonia,
Can you ring me when you have time?
Hugs,
Emma xxxx

I finished my drink and biscuit and went upstairs to put the things I bought away.

I put my dress away in the wardrobe. I couldn’t wait to wear it. What a change from horrible boy clothes!

I took my new red shoes out of the box and looked at them. The heels were high, well high for me anyway. I was told that they were 7cm. When I tried them on in the shop they felt a lot higher than that and I staggered about like I was drunk. How could girls wear 10cm heels or more without falling over?

I would have to wear them a bit to get used to them. Let’s face other girls can wear them without toppling over so why can’t I?

It was great that the shoes matched my dress and the clutch bag with a gold chain matched too!

Maybe Hannah and I could go somewhere posh so that I could dress up and look lovely and sophisticated?

I laughed.

Who was I kidding? I was a 16-year-old with no real experience of the outside world. I was no sophisticated or glamorous beauty. As long as I looked nice and not mutton-dressed up as lamb as Grandma used to say, I would be happy.

My phone rang, well peeped really. I went to answer it with trepidation. I didn’t want another Tommy moment.

Looking at the screen, I saw that it was Antonia.

‘Hi Antonia.’

‘Hello Emma, how are things.’

‘Great…’

I told her about how things had gone that day and then I turned to my little problem.

‘I had a phone call from my brother. He was abusive, as usual, and I’d like to know where I stand. I think that he would have been put up to calling me from my parents as he couldn’t care less about me normally.’

‘Well Emma, your position is a bit difficult. Until you are 18 the law says that your parents have a say in your life. However, you have a certain amount of independence and if things got so bad that you went to court over it, the court would take your circumstances and wishes into consideration. They would also take account of the fact that you and your family do not get on. It can be argued that you have suffered from mental cruelty from a young age, although that can sometimes be difficult to prove. All in all, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.’

‘Is there anything I can do to get them off my back?’

Antonia thought for a moment.

‘Right, this is what we can do. Firstly, you have the right to have your own solicitor. Would you like me to be your solicitor?’

‘I thought you were already.’

‘No, I’m assisting you regarding your cottage as a trustee. If you want me to be your solicitor, I will do that for you.’

‘You would?’

‘Of course, but I would have to charge you.’

I didn’t like the sound of that, solicitors can be expensive.

‘Erm, how much do you charge?’

She laughed.

‘Family rates at £1 per day’s work.’

‘Phew!’

‘So, do you want me to be your solicitor?’

‘Yes please!’

‘Right, I will email you a consent form, digitally sign it and send it back to me. Now regarding the problems with your family, if you wish, I will send them a letter stating that you do not wish to have any contact and that any communication or access should be through me. Does that suit you?’

‘That would be great!’

‘If they persist or try to contact you, I could threaten them with a harassment order. That normally does the trick.’

‘That’s a weight off my mind.’

‘Good, I’ll set things in motion. Was there anything else?’

‘No, that’s it. Thanks for helping me out. You’re a lovely person.’

‘And so are you Emma. When I get time, I’ll come and visit you. It’s a lovely part of the world. Anyway, I have to go back to work now. I’ll speak to you soon. Bye.’

‘Goodbye and thanks again.’

‘No problem.’

I breathed a sigh of relief after putting the phone down. Maybe I could now relax a bit more!

I decided that I would just change my SIM rather than the phone as my phone wasn’t that old. I went down to the village and into a shop that sold virtually everything and was also the post office.

The sun was still quite hot and I bought a sort of wide-brimmed straw sun hat in the shop also the new SIM and because it was hot, a choc ice lolly.

I sat down on a seat overlooking the harbour and sucked at the lolly. The hat was nice and it kept the sun off my head and looked pretty nice.

I had just finished my lolly and was wondering what to do next…

‘Hello.’

I looked up and there was erm?

‘Hi, Sophie?’

She laughed and plopped down beside me.

‘No, I’m the pretty one, Stephanie.’

I giggled nervously. Last time I had seen Stephanie I had thrown a wobbly and had run off.

‘Can I sit?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Look Emma, sorry my mad sister and I upset you. We didn’t mean to.’

‘It was me. I’m a bit fragile at the moment.’

‘Can I ask why?’

I looked at her. She looked kind.

‘Let’s face it,’ I thought, ‘It will all come out eventually and the twins go to the same college as I will be joining too. I can’t hide who and what I am.’

I would tell her. I hoped that she wouldn’t be judgemental. If I found too much opposition as to who I was, I would just have to move away and try to find somewhere that would accept me.

So, with a sigh and a lot of trepidation, I told her everything.

I wasn’t looking at her as I explained what had happened to me. I was looking out across the harbour to the sea. I didn’t want to see her expression. I wondered if she had a look of horror or pity on her pretty face. As I continued my story I heard a few ooh’s and aah’s and the occasional sniff. Did she have a cold or hay fever?

Eventually, I finished my story and I still didn’t look at her but at a seagull that had just nabbed a chip from a little girl sitting on the next bench with her mother. The kid was balling her eyes out. I knew how she felt.

Stephanie sniffed again and blew her nose. It sounded a bit like a trumpet.

‘So, what do you think? I understand if you don’t want to know me,’ I asked turning to her.

She’d been crying. I didn’t know why.

‘What's wrong?’ I asked.

‘Oh come here!’

She hugged me fiercely and for some reason, I started crying again.

Can you imagine boys doing that? Even if they wanted to cry, it wasn’t a cool or manly thing to do, even in private. I lost count of the times when I lived at home when I just wanted to have a good cry but couldn’t because I knew the reaction I would have from my parents and brother in particular.

Somehow it was very freeing to be able to show my emotions and not bottle it all up.

A few moments later, we had pulled ourselves together. I don’t know what others on the quay were thinking about us, but I didn’t care as it seemed that I had found another friend.

‘Oh Emma, your family seem like, you know, terrible. How could they treat someone as nice as you like that?’

‘Well, Mum had issues…’

‘Yea, but she shouldn’t have taken her problems out on you and the rest of your family sound like they are the pits.’

She had a colourful turn of phrase.

She looked at me closely.

‘We need the loo.’

‘Why?’

‘Panda eyes. I bet mine look weird.’

I had to agree, if I looked anything like her, emergency repairs were needed.

There were public toilets at the end of the quay. They were quite new, which was good, but we had to pay 20 pence to get in. It should have been 20p each but she held the door open for me and a few others to slip through.

Did that make me a criminal?

This was the first time that I had used a ladies' public toilet. It was similar to the men’s without the urinals and that certain smell…

It was also clean, which was nice.

Looking at my face in the mirror, I wasn’t a pretty sight. It was a good job that I had brought a few things with me to repair the damage.

It felt strange standing there re-doing my makeup. I wasn’t the only one. Stephanie was next to me and another, older woman was also standing there refreshing her lippy. It all seemed so natural and normal and I loved it!

After repairing our faces, we went to a quayside café and ordered cokes.

Sitting outside, it was nice watching the world go by. It was strange what outlandish clothes some holidaymakers wore. We were nowhere near Hawaii, so why were there so many of those glary shirts and shorts?

I looked at Steph, she was sucking the coke up her straw and it was a bit noisy.

‘So,’ I asked, ‘you don’t mind my erm having boy bits?’

‘Why should I? I haven’t got them, thank goodness, and you don’t want them, so what’s the problem?

‘How do you think it will be at college?’

‘About you?’

‘Yes.’

She shrugged.

‘There are always a few idiots around even in college. Things have changed a bit though. I think that ten years ago things would have been different, but now, there are a lot more people coming out as gay, trans, whatever and it’s almost normal and not in the least surprising. I think that there’s an LGBT plus whatever in the college so you can always have support from them and also your friends.’

‘Friends?’

‘Yea, like me and Soph and over course your lover girl Hannah.’

I blushed.

‘You know about that?’

‘Of course, it’s obvious and Hannah can’t stop banging on about you. She’s beginning to bore us about it!’

We both giggled. It was so nice to have friends that were so laid back.

We stayed there a bit longer, but I was feeling tired. A lot, and I mean a lot had happened to me that day and I just wanted to go home and chillax.

We said our goodbyes as Steph lived on the other side of the village to me. She gave me her mobile number.

‘I’ll text you,’ I said as I hadn’t set up my new SIM yet.

We hugged and went our separate ways.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

I arrived back at the cottage slightly puffed out. It was a bit of a climb up that lane and I think that I needed to get back into condition. Whilst in Penzance shopping with Hannah we had gone into a sports shop and I bought some running gear. Hannah, for some reason, wasn’t that keen on running with me.

‘No way will you get me running. I don’t do getting puffed out. God invented cars and bikes if you want to get about. Legs are for standing on, walking and dancing and that’s okay with me.’

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not that keen on running myself, but it helps keep me in trim for tennis. I hadn’t played any tennis for a while as I had a lot on my plate. I promised myself that I would find a club somewhere and play there. Or maybe the college had some courts and a club. I would look it up on the internet.

Anyway, as I say, I bought some girlie running gear and I promised myself that I would get up early and go for a run, as long as it wasn’t like a monsoon out there in the morning. I knew what it was like in Cornwall, one-minute glorious sunshine, the next moment, raining cats and dogs as Grandma used to say.

I opened the cottage door and jumped slightly.

Inside, there was a woman there looking at me.

She had a long feather duster in her hand and she was waving it about suggestively.

I don’t know who was more startled, her or me.

‘Erm hello,’ I said.

She frowned and then looked at me more closely.

‘You must be Chris?’

She was a little bit plump, about fifty, I would say, with hair going slightly grey. She had one of those pinny-type things on, what are they called? Oh yes, a tabard.

‘Yes, I was Chris but I changed my name to Emma.’

She had a strange look on her face that I couldn’t fathom.

‘Whatever. Right, well, I’m the cleaner and hubby is the gardener. He’s out the back doing something with the roses and then the lawn. I don’t get involved, can’t stand gardening.’

She wiped her hand on her slightly grubby tabard and then held it out, her hand not the tabard.

‘I’m Ivy and hubby is Len.’

I shook her hand.

‘I, er, have a cleaner and a gardener then?’

‘Didn’t Ms Ponsworthy mention it?’

‘She said that the place was being looked after and it would be until I was eighteen… Mind you, I have a whole load of stuff I haven’t read yet and it’s probably all in there.’

‘Never mind. Do you want a cup of tea?’

‘That will be nice, I’ll make it.’

‘No you won’t! Not while I’m here. I had a row with your grandma when she was here, God rest her soul, and told her that I would make the tea when I was here. Let’s go into the kitchen and have a chat.’

I obediently did as I was told. She reminded me a bit of an old schoolteacher I had when I was in primary school. She wouldn’t take any guff from anyone, but inside she was as soft as nougat.

Only time would tell if Ivy had a soft or a hard centre.

We sat at the kitchen table. I sipped my drink as Ivy chatted away. I could hear the sound of a petrol mower as Len did his thing, I noticed in passing that the mower kept stopping and I could hear what I took to be cursing and swearing coming from outside…

‘It used to be nice when Gladys came to stay,’ said Ivy, slurping her tea rather loudly, ‘I was so sad and so was my Len when we heard that she had passed away. Your neighbour Claire told me after it happened and I must admit to having a few tears. Never mind, it was for the best and we didn’t want her to suffer. Now you are here. I must admit that I was surprised about you. I thought that you were a boy, but there you go, I must have misheard. Now, I bet you think that you can look after yourself and don’t need a cleaner or a gardener for that matter.’

‘Well, erm…’

‘You don’t want to put us out of a job, do you?’

‘Erm.’

‘And I bet you haven’t cleaned a cottage or done much gardening have you?’

‘No…but.’

‘There you go then. That’s settled. You just get on with your education and leave the cleaning and gardening to us. Ms Ponsworthy, funny name that, has this covered and she’s looking after the billing side of things until you are eighteen, although I don’t know why you are living alone a young girl and at your age, what is it sixteen?’

‘Yes…’

‘Had a row with your mum and dad? I know what it’s like. Couldn’t wait to leave home. My Len put me up the duff when I was seventeen. Blimey, only did it once in a hay barn, me bein’ a virgin and that. Couldn’t believe he hit the target first time. Anyway, we had to find a flat in Penzance to bring up the baby. Hard times that but Mum and Dad came around eventually after we got married what with me bein’ seven months pregnant and the size of a beached whale. You try and get in a white wedding dress when you’re that size. Mum had to let it out with yards of extra material…anyway enough of that. Finished your tea? Good, I can’t stop to natter all day, I’ve got to finish and get around to Molly Sugden’s house. I do her three days a week, what with her knees, she can’t get down to scrub anymore and her husband…well he’ll be down the pub, lazy sod.’

With that, she was gone from the kitchen leaving me slightly shell-shocked.

I stayed out of the way as I didn’t want to be assaulted with a feather duster or bombarded with more verbal diarrhoea. I did wonder in passing if she was all there…

I had a look through the information ring binder on the table and saw a section that mentioned her and her husband. What she said was true, she was the cleaner and her husband was the gardener and they were contracted to come and do their stuff three days a week. I’m not lazy and could have done it myself, but as she said quite succinctly, I would be doing her out of a job if I did the work. At least I could concentrate on my studies. Qualifying for a medical degree would be hard enough, even if I was accepted when the time came, and the less time doing household chores meant more time studying.

It sounded a plausible reason to let them continue to me!

After a while, I heard hurried steps and the kitchen door opened suddenly.

‘Right, we’re off, see you Wednesday.’

‘Okay, thanks for coming.’

She hesitated, looked at me with piercing eyes and said, ‘you look lovely, you could never be a boy in a million years, bye.’

She closed the door quietly.

I looked at the closed door. Did she know about me all along, if so why didn’t she say so? Was it some sort of test?

I had a feeling in my tummy that she knew all about me and I wondered how many others knew about my unique circumstances.

I sighed, what a day.

Hannah had a college thing going on that night so I was home alone. I could have gone next door for company, but I didn’t like to intrude. People say things like “oh, come over when you like” but I’m never sure if they mean it or not.

I think that I am naturally insecure, not surprising with my upbringing.

That evening, I sat in the sitting room with the log fire burning away. It was a little bit chilly as happens sometimes even in the hottest of summers. I was in my satin jimjams, robe and bunny slippers, all newly bought.

A few of my nails looked a bit chippiefied (is that a word?) so I cleaned them off. For some reason I love the smell of nail varnish remover, am I weird? I then decided to experiment with a bit more colour. I had bought a nail set from Boots with several lovely colours. I decided to be daring and tried strawberry red and loved it, it brought out the colour and shape of my nails beautifully.

I decided that I should also paint my toenails as I had never done that. I wasn’t that good at it though. Your toes are a lot further away than your fingers and it took a while to get my act together. After four disastrous attempts, I managed to make them look okay, not wonderful but okay. I liked the look and now my toenails looked the same as my fingernails!

I yawned; it was getting late now. I didn’t realise how long I had been doing my nails. I decided to go to bed with a cup of hot chocolate.

After making sure everywhere was locked up, I went up and was soon tucked up in bed.

I sipped my hot drink and nibbled at a Hobnob. Then I picked up my phone and texted Hannah.

I had already given my new number to everyone on what I considered to be my safe list. Needless to say, that did not include anyone in my old family.

Hi Hannah, had a good day?

There was no immediate reply so I read a teen magazine bought that day. I must admit that it was a bit of an eye-opener, especially the Dear Carol pages. I thought that I had problems!

Of course, I was jealous of some of the girls in the magazine, they were obviously models with perfect complexions and perfect bodies.

I sighed, we can’t all be perfect and I was just glad that I could pass as an ordinary girl!

My phone made a pinging noise.

Hi Emma, had a normal boring college day, how about you?

Too much to talk about but saw Steph today, she’s cool. Are you busy tomorrow?

Free in the afternoon. Want to do something?

Sounds good, let’s see what the weather’s like.

OK, see you tomorrow. Missed you today.

Me too you. Love you lots.

Love you more. Night xxx

Night night, xxx

Smiling, I put the phone down, yawned, turned the bedside lamp off and went to sleep.

I was awake early the next day as the seagulls decided to serenade outside my window. Getting up, I looked out and saw wall-to-wall blue sky and the sun already climbing up into the sky.

Looking at my trusty phone, it told me that it was already 18 degrees outside. I decided that this was a good time to go out for a run… I say run, but more like a jog.

I went into the bathroom and did the usual and then coming out of to the bedroom, I stripped off my jim-jams and rummaged through my drawers to find my new running kit. First I put on a sports bra, as I didn’t want the girls to jiggle about too much. Then I slipped on a pale pink vest and black shorts, quite loose as I didn’t want to wear anything too tight because it tended to hurt my rather delicate bits. I had white socks and running shoes with pink laces to finish things off.

I put my hair in a ponytail, it was just long enough for that, and then, I was ready to go.

I ran quite fast down to the quay, as it was downhill. Whether I would be running quite so fast back up the hill was another question. I was conscious of my budding breasts. A weird but somehow nice feeling as they bounced up and down slightly even in the confines of my bra. I just hoped that I wouldn’t get the dreaded nipple rub!

There were a few people about and they smiled as I went past them. I went along the quay. At the other end, there was a narrow path that led along the shoreline. It was very pretty and it was so nice to have the freedom to just go where I felt like. The path finally went up. It was all part of the South West Coastal Path and was fairly well-worn but in places a bit rocky, where I had to literally climb over large boulders. The scenery was wonderful. To my left were some hills and to my right, the sea shore with waves gently lapping up the golden sandy beach. A few people were out there walking their dogs and I saw a couple of people running down by the water’s edge. I fancied doing that and decided that I would do it as soon as possible.

Of course, being slightly out of condition, I soon got out of breath and was sweating quite a bit. I was obviously out of shape and I promised myself that I would get out at least a couple of days a week to get my fitness levels up. My watch told me that I had gone about a mile, it felt like 20, so I turned around and made my way back.

By the time I arrived home, I was a wreck, wheezing away like an asthmatic sheep. The only thing I was proud of was that I didn’t resort to walking!

I quickly stripped off and had a shower, which made me feel a lot better. I washed my hair with some new shampoo that made it feel soft and manageable. The conditioner made my hair all nice and silky. Hark at me, sounding like a shampoo commercial!

It took a while to dry my hair with the dryer. Looking at the mirror I decided that I would like to go blond. My hair was normally a mousy brown colour, not wonderful, but I always thought that blond would suit me. Yes, I wanted to go blond. From what I read, it was a two-stage process, the first being to bleach the hair and then after a bit, use some blond colouring. It sounded good to me. No way would I do that myself, I would find out where the best salon was and go there.

I went to the toilet to do my business and as always I sat down to pee. I had never done the stand-up and pee thing that boys do and never, ever used urinals in public toilets. I felt my scrotum, as I occasionally did. My testicles were aching slightly, as usual, but maybe a bit more after jiggling them about on my run. I wondered if they would be taken out soon. They were hard and small and in all probability non-functioning, not that I would ever have a use for them. I had once looked up information on them on Uncle Google and wished I hadn’t…

Anyway, enough of that.

I put on a white top, control pants and leggings then I changed my mind, always conscious of those horrible things between my legs and how the bulge might be a bit of a giveaway despite the control panties. so I put on a short black skirt which hid the offending bits and then went downstairs. I looked forward to the time when I could wear what I liked but for now, I would have to be patient.

I had my normal breakfast of a couple of slices of toast and some tea. I heard the letterbox lid go and I went out to the hall. There on the mat was a letter, a thick brown one.

Picking it up, I went into the sitting room, noting that the fire still had some glowing embers and then sat down to see what the letter was about.

It was from the college; it included a student card. The photo that I had taken of me before I left the college the previous day was on it. I didn’t like it, I thought that I looked a bit shifty. Still, I felt a slight thrill to see my new name, Emma Penhaligon on it.

The other things were details of my courses, what books I should get, several internet links regarding my studies and a short note from my new tutor.

Dear Emma,
Welcome to the college. I hope that you have every success in your studies.
I would like to see you on Thursday if you are available at 10 am. The map of the college with my room circled is attached. Please email me if you cannot make it.
Have a good look at the documents that I have sent you and if you have any questions please let me know. I attach my card with my email address and phone number on it.
I look forward to seeing you on Thursday,
Regards
Olivia Hatcher

Well, not long to wait, I thought.

I would have to spend my time getting to know my courses. I was looking forward to it. Unlike a lot of others at my school, I loved learning and if I wanted to be a doctor, I would have to knuckle down. Boring, I know for some. Many of my peers were more interested in having a good time at my old school. It wasn’t a very good one and it was a miracle that I managed to learn anything.

My phone rang.

I noticed that it was Claire.

‘Hello Emma, everything okay?’

‘Yes, fine thanks. Just got back from a run. I’m out of shape!’

She laughed.

‘Join the club. I used to be a runner at college, but I think I would struggle to jog let alone run at the moment. What I’m ringing you about is that John, my husband would like to have a word with you, nothing bad. Have you got the time?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘That’s good, he could come over to you or you can come here. I have a very nice fruit cake that I would like your opinion on if you come here.’

‘You’ve convinced me. When do you want me to come?

‘In about an hour suit you?’

‘Yes, that’s fine, see you then.’

I put the phone down, shaking my head. I hadn’t stopped since I arrived in Porthlowen. Still, no time to get bored. I wondered what John wanted. I would find out soon enough.

I spent a bit of time on my makeup. I wasn’t vain about it, I just wanted to look nice. Why bother when I was only going next door?

I had this nagging feeling that I might look too much like a boy without makeup, so it was like putting on my girlie face. Anyway, I thought that I looked nicer with makeup on. Not that I ever slapped it on like some girls, I believe that less is best and that’s what I wore. I wasn’t wonderfully good with eye makeup. I was okay applying eye shadow, but not so good with liner or mascara. I hoped that practice and help from Hannah would solve that.

Even though I had red nail varnish, I wasn’t keen on red lipstick. I just didn’t think it suited me, I applied my usual pink shimmer lipstick as I think that it looks nice and brings out the shape of my lips which, I was pleased to say, were one of my nicer features.

Soon, I was ready and I went next door.

I knocked and it was answered by Claire.

‘My, you look nice today, come in.’

I blushed, not being used to such compliments.

She showed me into the living room.

‘Sit down, I’ll call John, do you want a drink?’

‘No thanks.’

‘OK, he won’t be a moment. How are you coping in the cottage?’

‘It’s nice, it feels like Grandma is still there. Is that strange?’

‘No, she loved the cottage even though she didn’t spend as much time as she wanted there. Remember that we are always here if you need us.’

‘Thanks, you are all so nice.’

‘Especially Hannah?’ she said slyly.

I felt my face go red again and just nodded.

‘I won’t embarrass you any more, I’ll go and chase up John.’

I sat there and waited. It was a nice cosy room with a fireplace and comfy settees.

Hannah would be in college today and I was missing her. I sighed and wondered if she was missing me…

The door opened and John came in.

‘Hi Emma.’

‘Hello.’

He came and sat opposite me.

‘Settling in all right?’

‘Yes thanks. That’s good. I suppose that Claire has done the ‘we’re here for you,’ thing?’

‘Yes, you are both very kind.’

‘That’s OK, we have to look after Hannah’s girlfriend.’

He said it with a smile. A warm smile. One that I would never get from my father. I felt a small amount of jealousy for Hannah. She had wonderful parents. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I was, a tiny bit anyway. They had let me into their lives and I hoped that the love and affection that they obviously had for Hannah, would somehow rub off on me.

‘Now, I have to put my police hat on for the moment. We received an email from Antonia Ponsworthy about you.’

‘Oh?.’

I wondered what it was about and then remembered.

‘Oh, regarding my leaving home?’

‘Yes, that’s right. I need to ask you if you are happy to do this?’

‘Yes, of course. I left home because I needed to.’

‘I have to ask this, it’s procedure. Were you ever physically abused when you lived with your parents?’

‘No.’

‘Mentally?’

I nodded my head.

‘I told Auntie Claire about it.’

He smiled slightly for some reason.

‘Would you like to tell me?’

‘All right.’

‘Before we start, if you don’t mind, I’ll ask Claire to come in.’

‘OK.’

Soon, Claire joined us and I told my tale again. I won’t repeat it, as I have already explained what happened.

Of course, the waterworks started again and I was glad that Claire was there to give me hugs. After I pulled myself together, John continued.

‘Are there any independent witnesses to all that happened to you?’ asked John.

‘No,’

‘Pity, it’s difficult to charge or convict with that. Unfair, I know, but that is the way it is.’

‘I don’t want to have them charged or convicted. I just don’t want anything to do with them. Outsiders might think that the things that have happened to me are trivial, like never getting nice presents or being ignored or being shown no real signs of affection. It was the drip, drip of being treated differently from my brother and sister and my brother’s contempt of me that I hated the most. My sister ignored me and had her own set of friends so she wasn’t around me a lot. I wanted so much for a sister to look up to and ask for advice and to tell her how I really felt about how I was, but I thought that I might be rejected even more by her, even worse, I feared that she would tell Mum, they are very close. So, I said nothing.’

‘Well,’ said John, ‘you’ve certainly had a bad time of it and to be honest, between ourselves, I think that you are probably going to be happier and safer here than in your former home. I liked Gladys a lot and can see the resemblance very clearly. She was a strong character and I think, so are you. I’m not sure about you living alone at sixteen but we will all be there for you and if it’s all too much for you, you can stay here. Am I right Claire?’

‘Yes, of course. What with you and Hannah being so close, and us all being related, we think of you as part of the family. Family is very important to us. With that in mind, here is a key. You can come and go as you please and don’t bother knocking on the door.’

I was almost overwhelmed by their kindness and gave them both a big hug.

‘Right,’ let’s have some of my homemade cake!’

I stayed there for a while and, for the record, her cake was melt-in-your-mouth stuff.

Eventually, I had to go back home to do some studying so I left them with more hugs.

As I went John said, ‘Emma, I know that you have a brand spanking new Auntie Claire, it would be an honour if you called me Uncle John.’

Cue more waterworks. I would run out of tears if things like this set me off!

That afternoon, after making myself a sandwich for lunch, I spent the time looking at the coursework sent to me via email from my tutor. Looking at it, it seemed straightforward enough and luckily, much of it had been covered at my previous school. I think I was slightly ahead of my new fellow students in some of the studies and this gave me confidence that I might do well.

Time goes quickly, I find when I am concentrating on something. It was nice to get back into the groove of things. Unlike some, I enjoyed studying and learning new things, I had a thirst for knowledge and I needed to do my best if I was to fulfil my dream of eventually becoming a doctor.

I jumped slightly as my phone rang.

Picking it I noticed that it was Hannah calling me.

‘Hi Hannah.’

‘Hi yourself, what are you up to?’

‘Just studying.’

‘Booooring! Want to come over for a sleepover tonight? I haven’t got to go to college tomorrow until the afternoon, so I don’t need to get up early.’

‘Erm, who’s going to be there?’

‘I take it that you haven’t had one before?’

‘Never, my sister used to go to quite a lot of sleepovers and parties but never me. Boys don’t do the sleepover thing much and anyway; I didn’t have anyone who I was friendly enough with to stay overnight.’

‘Aw, poor you. Anyway, it will be just you and me, call it a tester. If you have a nice time, maybe we could ask other girls like the twins next time. I know that we are incredibly old now, but as far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re breathing, you can enjoy a sleepover.’

‘Hey, I’m only sixteen!’

‘Yea, I know. Sweet sixteen and all that. Not that I’m sweet sixteen, I’m more your sophisticated, knowledgeable, woman of the world type.’

‘Your mum says that you have at least one dolly and a teddy bear on your bed and your duvet has pink hearts and flowers and you suck your…’

‘Never mind all that. Do you want to come or not?’

‘There isn’t some sort of secret initiation ceremony involving satanic rituals, drinking blood and stuff like that?’

‘What books have you been reading? That sounds too freaky. Anyway, normally you have several girls, do games, truth or dare, or something involving TikTok. As it's just us and it’s all new to you, we’ll keep it low-key. Like, watch a film or two, gorge ourselves on sweets and popcorn, play about with hair and makeup and dig the dirt on people who aren’t here, not really, that’s just me being catty, and do a lot of giggling and if you are really, really good, you might get a kiss or three. So what do you think, are you up for it?’

‘You bet!’

‘Cool.’

‘Right, come to tea and then the fun will begin. You have…hang on.’

I heard her shout something, but I couldn’t catch what she said.

‘Mum says in about an hour, you okay with that?’

‘Yes, that would be great. What shall I bring?’

‘Your night things, toothbrush, change of clothes for tomorrow and makeup and hair stuff. Oh don’t bother putting on any makeup, we’ll experiment when you come.’

‘Okay, see you soon, bye.’

‘Bye hon.’

I smiled as I put my phone down. I would be spending the night with Hannah, my girlfriend. It gave me a warm feeling in my tummy. I had only been in Porthlowen for five minutes and I was happier now than I had ever been in my life.

I went upstairs and picked up the things that I would need for the night and the following morning, including everything that Hannah had mentioned. I took my small case so I could put my clothes, toilet bag, makeup and hair things in it.

I decided to have a quick shower but put on my shower cap as I didn’t want to have to dry my hair.

Soon I was back in the bedroom and trying to decide what to wear. It was going to be a casual affair; so an evening dress and tiara were out!

It was quite warm so I decided on a pink vest top and a black pleated short skirt.

A short time later I was knocking on the Seashell Cottage door.

Hannah answered grinning.

‘You should use your key.’

‘Sorry, I forgot.’

‘Never mind. We are so, like going to have a great time!’

She gave me a quick kiss and then dragged me in.

I wondered in passing what I had let myself in for!

We went into the kitchen. Claire was there.

‘Hello Emma, you look nice.’

I did the usual red-faced, hot flush thing. I just wasn’t used to compliments.

‘Hello Auntie Claire,’ I replied shyly.

‘Wow,’ said Hannah enthusiastically, ‘I have a new cousin!’

We all laughed.

‘Hannah, take Emma’s things upstairs please.’

‘Okay Mum; Emma, coming?’

I smiled at Claire and followed Hannah out of the kitchen and up the stairs, which were a bit narrow. The cottage was, I think, a similar age to mine and also like mine grade 2 listed, so you couldn’t do much in the way of alterations without a lot of hassle.

At the top of the stairs, we turned right. There were a few closed doors. One of them Hannah opened.

‘This is the bathroom.’

Then, walking on, she stopped at the next door, which she opened and went in, with me following close behind...

‘This is my bedroom,’ she said.

It was light and airy and had a nice if small window which overlooked the garden with the village and sea beyond. Her bedroom was obviously feminine with cream walls, a few posters of girl bands and one of the Melchester Girls Football team. The single bed had the now infamous hearts and flowers duvet and sitting, propped up on a pillow was a small doll and a teddy bear. To one side was a large white wardrobe. By the windows was a dressing table with a mirror.

I smiled.

‘Nice room,’ I said.

‘I like it. My friend Maria is into black goth stuff, but I’m not that sort of girl.’

‘Nor am I,’ I replied, ‘where will I be sleeping?’

‘There’s a pull-out trundle thing under the bed. We’ll pull it out and you’ll be sleeping there if that’s okay?’

‘Great.’

She looked at me.

‘I’ve missed you.’

I nodded.

‘Me too you. Can I have a hug?’

We kissed and hugged tenderly, her lips felt warm, slightly moist and soft. She had some sort of flavoured balm on her lips and it tasted wonderful. I would have to find out what it was.

Nothing like that wonderful kiss had ever happened to me. I could feel the fast beat of her heart as we held each other tightly. Our mouths opened slightly and then her tongue touched mine. We opened our mouths more and then our lips entwined. It was an experience I would never forget.

After what seemed like forever but could only have been a few minutes at most, our lips parted and we stood holding each other and feeling slightly breathless.

‘Wow.’ I said.

‘Yea, wow. I’ve never felt like this. I’ve had a few girlfriends but this is something else.’

‘You’re my first.’

We smiled.

‘Girls, lunch!’

The call came from downstairs and we went down.

Claire looked at us quizzically when we came down, but said nothing, for which I was grateful. I assumed she knew what we had been doing as Hannah’s pink lipstick or balm was a bit worse for wear and I wondered what mine looked like!

I would have to invest in some smudge-proof lipstick.

We went into the small dining room and had bangers (sausages) and mash. It was lovely. She followed it up with ice cream for dessert.

‘That was really nice, thank you Auntie.’

‘That’s all right dear. It would be nice if someone else said thanks like that sometimes,’ she said looking at Hannah pointedly.

‘I do say thank you, erm, sometimes,’ protested Hannah in a pained voice.

‘Where’s John, I mean Uncle John.’ I asked, trying to change the subject before things got heated...

She smiled and I wondered whether she really minded my calling them auntie and uncle. The only person that had shown me any love and affection before was Grandma. Hannah was holding my hand under the table and Claire was looking at me, I think, affectionately.

‘He’s at work in Penzance. He works funny hours sometimes.’

‘It must be hard being a policeman or woman,’ I said.

‘Yes, a lot of it is very rewarding but he sees some pretty bad things. Anyway, you two go off and do what you need to do but keep the noise down. I trust you not to do anything silly.’

I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. Hannah scowled slightly.

‘Mum, as if.’

‘Hmm, off you go and you might want to repair your faces.’

Hannah and I looked at each other and giggled. We did look a bit worse for wear!

‘Do you want us to help with the washing up?’ I asked.

‘Oh Emma, you should come here more often and take that sour look off your face Hannah! No, go on up and enjoy yourselves. Cakes and hot chocolate later, if you like.’

‘Yes please,’ we both said in unison.

In Hannah’s bedroom, she took charge of the proceedings. I didn’t mind that because I hadn’t a clue!

It was fun!

I realised that I had missed out on a lot when growing up. Anne, my sister, was always full of it when she came home from one of her sleepovers. It was strange, we never had one at home as far as I remember. Come to think of it, she rarely had friends around either. I did wonder why sometimes. Maybe that atmosphere at home wasn’t conducive, if that’s the word, for her to have a good time with her friends.

Anyway, first thing first, we did the face mask thing. I borrowed an old t-shirt from Hannah, as I didn’t want to get my top dirty. Her t-shirt had seen better days and was proof, judging by the stains on it, that this wasn’t her first experience of having a face mask. Before we started, Hannah cleaned off her makeup and then we were ready to go.

We applied the Korean clay face mask and it was really strange when it dried on my skin. It was all we could do not to talk or giggle, as we didn’t want to get the dreaded face cracks. We both looked so funny!

We kept it on for about 20 minutes and then washed the gunk off. I must admit that my face felt softer afterwards.

After that, we did our nails, several times in some weird and wonderful colours. We tried nearly all the colours of the rainbow, or so it seemed. The only colour I didn’t like was black. In the end, I kept the white colour as it was so different for me. Hannah went for sky blue, which was rather pretty.

As we applied the nail polish, I told her about meeting Stephanie and telling her about me.

‘Steph’s cool, and so is Sophie, they have no hang-ups. Let’s face it, they like me so they can’t be that bad. Also, they won’t blab to anyone about like, what you’ve been through.’

‘I can imagine that my being trans won’t be a secret for long at college.’

‘No, these things tend to get out there. But I haven’t heard of any nasty things happening there. After all, I’m a lesbian and it seems that the attitude there is “so what”?’

We talked about going to her favourite nail salon in Penzance soon so that I could try gels. I rather fancied that!

I was getting better at painting my toenails, helped by nifty toe separators that Hannah had.

I would have to get my own set.

We tried to do something with my wayward hair but in the end, we decided that I needed professional help. There was some talk of extensions…

We experimented with makeup and Hannah helped me with eyeliner and lashes, not my strong point. I must admit, having my eyes properly made up did wonders for my eyes and I loved the look, not for every day, but for when I wanted to look a bit special.

It was amazing how time flew and it was soon time to watch a film. We decided to change into our night things. I went into the bathroom and changed into my cream satin shortie pyjamas with pink hearts.

I loved the look and feel of my pyjamas.

We decided to leave our makeup on until we were nearly ready to go to sleep. I know it’s a pain to take it off when you are tired, but, I just wanted to keep it on for as long as possible.

Hannah was also wearing satin PJs, hers were black with pink piping and she looked edible!

Soon we were on the floor together, covered in a nice warm duvet and watching Princess Bride. I had never seen it before and I thought that it was a hoot! We had our promised hot chocolate and cake which Claire kindly brought up and then we watched Mean Girls, which was great and another one that I have never seen.

It was so nice holding hands and cuddling up to Hannah and having the occasional kiss. It was a wonderful evening.

After Mean Girls, we were both yawning like mad, me especially, after the day that I had had.

We got ready for bed and after another extended cuddle and kiss session we went to bed.

I think that we both would have liked to take things further, but we respected the fact that Claire and John were trusting us and we also didn’t want to get too heavy yet. After all, we were still very early in our relationship.

I had thought that my sex drive was very low before meeting Hannah, but now, I had feelings that I never had before. She had awakened something in me that was wonderful.

However, even if I was able to have an erection, I would never have had sex with her like a boy-girl thing. As far as we were concerned we were in a lesbian relationship, irrespective of what was between my legs.

To say that we felt a bit frustrated would be an understatement!

It was so boring trying to be sensible like a boring responsible adult!

So Hannah was in her bed alone and I was in the truck bed alone, next to her but not with her, if you know what I mean. We spoke for a while with the lights off, but soon we drifted off.

I was back at home, living with my so-called family. It was night time and I was in bed. I had bolted my door and had taken a chance on wearing my nightie. I loved my nighties, and girlie PJs and occasionally wore one of them to bed. Bolting my door meant that there was little chance of being found out.

I had been reading a teenage mag, feeling envious of all the girls in there but was tired. I had an exam the next day and needed to be at the top of my game, not that my family cared. I could be top or bottom of my class. It just didn’t matter to them.

I yawned, looked at a pretty dress some model was wearing and wished that I was her, sighed, got up and put the magazine under the mattress. I then got back into bed, turned my bedside light off and went to sleep.

There was a loud crunching, breaking sound coming from the door. I shot up in bed and there was an axe poking through the door. The axe was pulled back and then again, it loudly smashed at the door, breaking chunks off it. The hole the axe made was large now, as the door was thin and fragile and no match for that gleaming sharp blade. Light was flooding into the room as the hole was made larger.

A large slightly hairy hand came through the splintered opening and reached for the bolt. I was terrified. My legs were up against my chin and I was shaking uncontrollably. I was numb with fear.

The bolt drew back and the door was pushed open.

Dad was there, axe in his hand and his eyes looking wildly at me.

‘Christopher, I warned you about wearing girls' clothes. You are going to pay for this. You are a boy, not a girl. You should never have been born, you pervert!’

He came towards me, wielding his axe, murder showing on his face.

I screamed.

Then I heard a voice, a kind voice, a sweet voice. I was being hugged and cuddled and the terrible scene seemed to slip away and I felt happier and calm. I couldn’t catch the words she was saying but I was relaxed again and I fell back to a dreamless sleep.

I awoke the next morning to the sound of the door opening. There was a warm body pressed up against my back and I felt a soft breath on my neck. It felt so nice. Blearily looking up, I saw Claire with a tray.

‘Well girls, you look comfy.’

‘Hi Mum,’ yawned Hannah, ‘Emma had a nightmare and so I joined her. She needed a hug and settled down after that.’

I sat up, stretching.

‘Yes, it wasn’t nice. I didn’t realise that Hannah came into my bed but I’m glad she did.’

I blushed for some reason.

Claire went over to the bedside table and placed the tray on it.

‘I trust you girls. I know that you are legally allowed to do more now that you are both sixteen, but take things easy and get to know each other before you get into anything heavy.’

She sat on the bed.

‘Now Emma, do you often get nightmares?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Can you remember what they are about.’

‘My family not accepting me and my dad getting violent, although he has never hit me or anything. They are just nightmares. Last night’s one was pretty bad but I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Fair enough, but you will probably have to see a counsellor or psychiatrist about your gender problems and it might be a good idea to speak to him or her about it.’

‘Okay,’ I replied doubtfully.

‘Right girls, I’ll leave you to have your drinks and get dressed. Breakfast in forty minutes.’

With that, she went out and shut the door.

Hannah looked at me, brushed some wisps of hair from my face, gave me a tender kiss and smiled.

‘You didn’t mind my coming into your bed, did you?’

‘Of course not. I think you helped stop that nasty dream and anyway I like you in bed with me. Waking up to you spooned into my back was one of the nicest things to happen to me apart from that wonderful French kiss we had yesterday. Mind you, I have a terrible memory, can you show me how you do it once again?’

‘No problem.’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

It was only Tuesday, and a lot had happened in such a short space of time. I hoped this day would be a relatively quiet one. After the last several busy days I now had to knuckle down and carry on with my studies, as I really wanted to do well.

I didn’t have the distraction of Hannah, as she had to do a few things for her mum before going to college in the afternoon.

She was going to pop in to see me after college. It was obvious to both of us that our relationship had gone up a level. When I wasn’t in her company, I missed her and I knew that she felt the same for me. However, we had to get on with the ordinary day-to-day life or everything, especially educationally, would fall apart. Hannah wanted to be a nurse. She didn’t feel that she had enough going for her to go down the doctor route but it was nice that we both wanted to be in the medical profession.

I suggested that once I got up to speed at college, we might study together sometimes, not just as an excuse to be together, but because it might help us both in our studies. She readily agreed.

So there I was, on my laptop, doing searches on the college website for relevant information that I needed to have before going on Monday.

I received a text from Olivia Hatcher, my new course tutor. She wanted to have an online meeting with me after lunch. I wondered what she was like.

Since Covid, much of the coursework and lectures were carried out online. Now things were getting much better and the college was opening up to on-campus studying and lectures. I was lucky in some respects as many of the lectures had been recorded during the lockdown and I could just sit there and watch what had been recorded in the various subjects that I needed to study. Also, there was very little printed material that I needed to have as most of it was online.

That afternoon, I had a Zoom meeting with my course tutor.

We connected at 2 pm on the dot.

Her face popped up on the screen.

‘Hello Emma?’

‘Yes, that’s me.’ I replied.

Hi, I’m Miss Hatcher, nice to meet you.’

‘Yes, thanks for finding the time to contact me.’

‘That’s all right. Now down to business.’

I won’t bore you with the details but the meeting was good and I got to know her. She seemed kind and caring and knew about my circumstances but didn’t seem to mind. She was quite impressed with my qualifications and seemed to think that I would fit in very well. She gave me a few pointers regarding my studies but would get into more depth when I saw her on Monday.

Just after disconnecting from my meeting with Olivia Hatcher, my phone rang.

Looking at it, I saw that it was Antonia.

‘Hi Antonia.’

‘Hello Emma, just touching base with you. I've been meaning to catch up with you. What’s been going on?’

‘Have you got an hour,’ I replied laughing.

‘A bit like that is it? Tell all.’

So I did. I won’t repeat myself but it took a good half an hour to bring her up to speed.

‘Okay, I’m a bit worried about the medical things. You were a right idiot to buy pills on the internet, but you know that.’

‘Yes, but I was desperate.’

‘I know. Never mind, it’s water under the bridge. Hang on a moment, I want to look something up.’

She was away so long, I wondered what was happening…

‘Sorry about that Emma. I was just confirming something that I’ve just remembered. Your Grandma was a very clever and shrewd woman, you do know that she was a doctor many years ago?’

‘Auntie Claire told me, I never knew. I wonder if that subconsciously influenced me somehow to want to be a doctor too?’

‘Yes possibly, anyway, I believe she retired before you were born. The thing is, there are some provisions in the sealed part of her will, that may be of use to you. I have to tell you that I was under strict instructions and was not allowed to say anything unless it became relevant. She did not want to influence you in any way regarding any thoughts of transition that you might have. It was to be your decision alone whether you decided to fully or partially transition. Being once in the profession, she knew that you have to go through hoops to have gender reassignment surgery and also that the waiting lists would inevitably be long.

‘In short, she made provision in the will to fund private medical treatment regarding anything gender-related, if you decided to go down that route. She truly was your fairy godmother.’

I teared up slightly.

‘I…I don’t know what to say. How will it help me now?’

‘Well, from what you have told me, it looks like you need to have tests as soon as possible and you say that there could be delays in that. You could go private and use the funds' Auntie Gladys earmarked for you. As far as I am concerned, your doctor indicated that in all probability you will have to have your testicles removed and as that would form part of gender reassignment surgery, I believe that that procedure falls within the wording in the will. What do you think?’

It took a moment to process what she was saying. Eventually, I answered her question.

‘I agree. I’m very worried about the tests and everything to do with what’s going on in my body. I would hate to have to wait for any length of time for tests and any treatment. Could we go ahead and go private?’

‘Yes, I think so. Have a word with your doctor and get her to contact me. She won’t talk to me about anything medical due to confidentiality, but this is purely about your using your grandma’s money to speed things up and go private.’

We spoke for a little while longer, promised to keep in touch and then finished our conversation.

I sat there for a while and looking around at her lovely cottage, I almost felt that Grandma was with me. In a way she was. She was helping me all that she could despite having passed away. I would have loved for her to still be with me so that I could hug and thank her for all she was doing for me. At that moment, I sincerely believed that she was up there looking out for me and it gave me some comfort.

I phoned the doctor's surgery and left a message to ask the doctor to get back to me. Her receptionist told me that she would pass on the message.

I found it difficult to concentrate on my studies after all that. Although it was quite warm outside, it was cloudy so I decided on the spur of the moment to get my kit on and go out for a run.

Soon, I was jogging further up the lane from my cottage. My hair I had up into a ponytail and it was tickling my neck slightly. It was a nice feeling somehow.

I hadn’t gone this way before and wondered where the lane went. After a few minutes, I was a bit out of breath and I slowed down a bit. The lane gradually went uphill past several other cottages and a big house. Then finally the lane came to a dead end but continued on as part of the Southwest Coastal path. I carried on through a wood, the sun shining through the trees making dappled shadows on the ground as I ran through. The ground was rock hard as there had been little rain for several days. Eventually, I left the trees and I found myself on the top of the cliffs. The views were marvellous. I looked down and saw the sea crashing noisily against the rocks. There was a nice gentle breeze that helped to cool me slightly.

The sea itself was blue, reflecting the sky above me, apart from some clouds on the horizon, which appeared to be bubbling up a bit. I was getting my breath back now and I continued on as the path followed the edge of the cliffs. Inland were some rolling hills and fields, with houses and cottages dotted here and there. Ahead of me were some rabbits playing about on the grass and quite a few rabbit holes. I had to be careful not to sprain an ankle!

I passed a few walkers on my run who greeted me as I passed. I was beginning to love this place. It was so different from where I used to live. In London, you never greeted anyone or acknowledged anyone. Heck, we didn’t even speak to our neighbours! Everyone was so friendly here. I didn’t have rose-tinted glasses. I knew that there are good and bad everywhere, but here, so far, everyone had been nice and kind to me and I hoped, once people knew who and what I was, they would still be pleasant.

According to my watch, I had gone about a mile and a half. That was enough for one day and so I turned around and made my way back. It was funny, I had felt a bit like a coiled spring before my run, worrying about my health and what was going to happen to me, but the run had helped me to relax a bit and I promised myself that if things got on top of me, I would just come up to the cliffs and let myself go a bit!

I arrived back at the cottage feeling a bit hot and worn out. It was obvious that I wasn’t very fit. Anyway, I stripped off my now sweaty clothes and had a nice shower. As I let the water run down my body, I felt my testicles, they ached a bit after the run and after all that had happened, I was very conscious of them. I didn’t want to get paranoid about them but I just wanted them gone. I knew that I would have to wait until I was at least 18 before I could have complete gender reassignment surgery, but if I had my testicles removed, it would be a step in the right direction.

I dried myself off and then used my hairdryer. It took a while to dry my hair but soon I was brushing it into submission.

It was now sunny outside and the temperature was rising even inside the cottage with its thick walls. I put on my new slightly padded strapless bra, panties and a pale blue sundress, one of my recent purchases. I loved sundresses as they felt free and very feminine. I couldn’t understand why some girls my age preferred to look scruffy or gungy. I didn’t see the attraction of wearing shapeless t-shirts and ripped jeans. As for tattoos, don’t start me with that, although I wouldn’t mind a small butterfly somewhere discreet…

Perhaps one day I would see the advantages of dressing less femininely, but for now, I wanted to be the girliest-looking girl I could be.

My phone pinged.

I went over to have a look.

Tried phoning you but there was no reply. Please ring me, Dr Sullivan.

I had been in the shower, so I hadn’t heard the phone.

I called her back.

‘I’ll just put you through,’ said the receptionist.

‘Hi Emma, thanks for getting back to me.’

‘Sorry I missed your call; I was in the shower.’

‘Never mind. How can I help you? Your blood results haven’t come through yet if that is what you want to know.’

‘No. I didn’t expect them yet. I have had a phone call from my solicitor, who is also my cousin.’

I explained the conversation that I had had with Anthonia.

‘So, could you contact her to arrange for private treatment, if that is possible?’

‘I don’t see why not. I’ll give her a call and get back to you. It’s a pity that you have to consider going down that route. I wish that the NHS is in a better position, but at the moment, waiting lists are horrific. Leave it with me. I’ll probably ring you back tomorrow. Anyway, my next patient is due, so I’ll speak to you then.’

‘Thanks for all you have done.’

‘No problem, bye.’

‘Bye.’

I liked her. She was the complete opposite of my old doctor.

I grabbed a coke from the fridge and went and sat in the garden. I was feeling a bit more relaxed now. I had gone through a lot and I hoped that things might settle down a bit now. Not that I expected them to. Would things ever get back to what I would consider to be normal? Maybe someday but not soon!

The garden was lovely with a nice, quite large lawn, with a slight down slope leading to a pond. I smiled as I saw two mallard ducks waddle out from behind a hedge and then go for a swim. Well, it was hot now, so I didn’t blame them. The borders were a riot of colour and I was glad that Ivy’s husband Len looked after the garden. I wouldn’t know where to start, I would probably dig up flowers and leave the weeds.

After sitting there for a while, I reluctantly decided to continue with my studies.

I wasn’t really in the mood but realised that I would have to apply myself I was going to do well at the college. I only had five or six days to get ready.

I was now officially a student at the college and I already had my student ID card for me to wear when I went in on Monday. The college had quite an active social side which was now getting back to normal after Covid. I wasn’t sure how involved I would want to get with that side of things, being a bit on the shy side.

I accessed the college portal using my brand new username and password and got stuck in.

I was surprised to hear a knock on my door a bit later. Looking at my watch, I saw that I had been working for over two hours!

I got up and answered the door.

‘Hi Emma.’

‘Hannah!’

We did the kiss and cuddle thing and then went into the sitting room. She was wearing a short denim pinafore dress over a white t-shirt with tiny pink hearts. As usual, she was lovely. Mind you I’m biased.

‘Want to go down to the quay?’ she asked.

‘Sounds good, I’m getting a bit stir-crazy here.’

So that’s what we did. Hannah texted the twins and we agreed to meet on the quay in about forty minutes. It just gave me time to slap on a bit of makeup and put my sandals on.

Forty-three minutes later, not that I was counting, we were on the quay and the twins came up to us.

They were both wearing identical sky-blue short dresses. Even their trainers were identical!

We hugged and said our hello’s and then decided to be all sophisticated and go to the seafront restaurant around the corner from the quay, behind the beach and have a quick meal as it was that time of day.

The Lonesome Crab was the name of the restaurant and we sat outside. I looked at the menu which comprised a lot of things and chips.

I decided on a local delicacy, Cornish Pasty and chips.

‘I've never had a Cornish Pasty, I said.

They looked at me as if I had said something strange.

‘What never?’ asked Soph.

‘No.’

‘My God, you haven’t lived,’ said Steph, ‘it comes a very close second to cream scones.’

‘Oh, I've had those. That’s where you put the cream first and then the jam.’

They looked at me in horror.

‘What?’

‘Wash your mouth out young Emma,’ said Hannah, who was two weeks old than me.

‘Never, ever put jam on after the cream, it’s blasphemy,’ said Steph.

‘Don’t mind her, she’s a foreigner and doesn’t know any better,’ remarked Sophie dismissively.

I, of course, knew about the sticky, jam or cream first conundrum, it was always jam first in Cornwall, Grandma told me that years ago, but I did like winding them up!

Hannah was looking at me quizzically. I think she knew what I was doing.

‘Emma!’

‘What?’

‘Stop it.’

‘Stop what?’

‘You know full well what goes on first.’

‘Butter?’

We all giggled. I was enjoying myself!

I looked out to sea. The sun was going down and it reflected in the few clouds in the sky and on the glistening water. It was a beautiful sunset, with the glittering waves gently lapping up the shore. I was so pleased to be there with my new friends, having a great time.

Just after that our meals came and I must admit that the pasty was lovely and very filling. I didn’t need the chips, but I ate them anyway because I hate waste and I was a growing girl.

It was starting to get dark now and as we sat there watching the holidaymakers walk by, I could see what the attraction of this lovely place was to visitors.

As it grew darker, lights came on over the canopy where we were sitting and also all over the quay and the village behind. The whole area looked different from the daytime and almost magical in the twinkly lights dotted around.

I turned to the twins.

‘Can I ask a question.’

‘What?’ they both said in unison.

‘I know some parents dress up their little twins the same, but you don’t normally see twins dressed the same at your age, so why do you?’

‘Well…,’ said one of them.

‘Hang on, are you Steph or Soph?’

They looked at each other and giggled.

‘The one with the spot on her neck is Steph,’ said Hannah.

I looked and there it was.

A small spot.

‘Hmm,’ I said, thinking for a moment, ‘ You could be Steph, but you could be Soph.’

‘How come?’ said Hannah.

‘Well, Steph could hide her spot with makeup and to make things even more complicated, Soph could add a spot with makeup.’

‘I hadn’t thought of that,’ said Hannah.

‘So who is really who?’ I asked the twins.

‘Clever isn’t she?’ said twin 1.

‘Too clever,’ replied twin 2.

‘I’m really Steph,’

‘Promise?’

‘Yes.’

‘So, answer my question, why do you dress the same?’

‘Because we like to drive people mad and we like it this way. You should see people’s faces when they see us side by side, it’s great fun.’

I looked at them closely and then nodded.

‘Well, I now know who is who, regardless of who has the neck spot.’

The twins looked at each other.

‘How?’ they said together.

‘You Steph have a mark on your iris that’s different from your sister's.’

I sat back, feeling smug.

‘Hang on, let me look,’ said Hannah.

The girls stared at Hannah, who was looking back and forth like someone watching a ball at a tennis match.

‘She’s right, Steph, you do have a mark on your iris. I never noticed that! Clever Emma!’

She gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

‘Get a room you two!’ laughed Sophie.

We all looked at each other and had a giggling fit.

We had another round of drinks, this time hot chocolate with cream, marshmallows and a sprinkle of chocolate, yummy!

There were still quite a few people about but it was getting quieter. We were the only ones now sitting outside the café. it was still warm, balmy almost.

‘Erm, Sophie,’

‘Mmm?’ she said as she licked some cream off her spoon.

‘You haven’t said anything about me being, erm, different.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well Hannah obviously knows about me and Steph and I have talked about it, but you haven’t said anything.’

‘About you?’

‘Yes,’

‘What is there to talk about?’

‘Well, you don’t mind?’

‘Don’t mind what Emma, spit it out?’

‘Well, the fact that I am officially a boy and have boy bits.’

She looked at me in shock, her eyes widened and her hand covered her mouth in horror.

‘No, never, you a boy? You can’t be a boy; you are too damned pretty; I would never have guessed.’

‘I am sort of. Although I never want to be and…’

She put her hand over mine and giggled.

‘I’m joking with you. I know that you are a girl. It’s obvious. If there’s a god, he or she made a big mistake with you, he gave you an outie instead of an innie and we’re not talking about your belly button here.’

‘So, you’re okay with me?’

‘Yes silly, of course I am. I think that you’re a nice, sweet girl who for some reason is attached at the hip and lips to Hannah, although how a girl can love another girl I could never understand, but each to their own.’

‘Do either of you have a boyfriend?’

‘Yes,’ said Stephanie, ‘I have Robert and Sophie has Harry.’

‘And they are twins too,’ added Hannah.

‘They can’t be.’ I said.

‘Yup,’ replied Hannah smugly.

‘Weird.’

‘Tell me about it. When they all go out together, you should see the reaction of people, they think that they are seeing double; it’s quite a laugh.’

We stayed there for a while longer and I got to know the twins a bit more. They were great company and I was pleased that I had found two more true friends. Eventually, we had to leave as the other girls had to get up early for college the next morning.

We stood outside the café. It was getting quite dark now and we started to say our goodbyes with hugs all around. It had been wonderful having such lovely people around me For some reason, I suddenly felt tears go down my face.

‘Oh honey,’ said Hannah, ‘why are you crying?’

‘I’m happy.’

‘You normally laugh when you’re happy,’ said Steph.

‘It’s just…just. I’m not used to it. You know the hugs and the laughs and the friendly faces. I’m used to being ignored, hated and not being wanted. It’s all a bit much. Damned hormones getting to me, I suppose.’

‘Don’t talk about hormones,’ said Sophie, ‘Sometimes, I want to throw things about and cry, well we all do that especially when things get on top of us and you’ve been through a lot lately.’

‘I suppose,’ I sniffed.

‘Right,’ said Steph, ‘better now?’

‘Mmm.’

‘Okay, we have to go, see you tomorrow probably.’

There were yet more hugs all around and the twins went one way to their home and we went the other.

Hannah held my hand as we went up the hill. She said nothing but she was there for me and that was all that mattered. There were fewer people about now and if the few people we saw thought it strange that two girls were holding hands, nothing was said. Maybe the world was changing for the better, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

It took a little while for me to get myself together. It didn’t seem to take much for me to get upset. I hoped, once my gender problems were sorted out, I wouldn’t be so fragile. Only time would tell. Being a girl and showing emotions was normal though. I suppose being brought up as a boy, any signs of weakness and that included crying, were seen to be bad and not the done thing. I suppose I had been conditioned into this mindset and it was hard to let go.

At last, we reach home and Hannah and I had an extended goodbye at her gate, which cheered me up a lot. She had asked me into her cottage for a drink or something, but I was tired and a bit achy down below, so we reluctantly parted.

That night, in bed I sort of reviewed the day. It had been great and it was so nice to have time with my new friends. My feelings for Hannah were growing day by day and I hoped that things would get even better in the future.

The things that were worrying me now were my health and how well I would get on at my new college. It wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t worried about something!

I was pleased that I was now able to go private with my health problems. I felt slightly guilty that I was jumping the queue regarding treatment, but, thanks to my wonderful Grandma, I would take advantage of my good fortune. I had enough problems of my own for me to take on the problems of the world too!

I settled down in bed and tried to sleep, but I found sleep difficult. I had lots going on around my head including my health concerns and what the future might bring. So much had happened to me in a short space of time. as I lay awake staring at the ceiling I could hear a few creaks and bangs. It was an old cottage and I should expect to hear things at night. I had the window of my bedroom open and that didn’t help, but it was quite warm and humid that night. I could hear a cat making noises in the distance and an owl that seemed just outside. I smiled as I remembered waking up to having Hannah cuddling me. That was so nice and I missed having her beside me.

Eventually, I must have drifted off and unfortunately, I had that dream again, almost the same as the previous one. I suddenly woke up in a sweat and I must admit that I sobbed for a few minutes. Those nightmares were beginning to get me down. I got up and took off my damp nightie and changed into dry shortie pyjamas and then went back to bed, only to get up again to shut the window, as I was shivering now. Then I took a sip of water from the glass on my bedside table and then tried to go back to sleep.

Eventually, I did fall asleep and thankfully had no more nightmares.

I was very tired as I awoke the next day to the sound of a hoover coming from downstairs.

I stretched and yawned, reluctant to get out of my warm bed. Then I became more awake as it got through to me.

A hoover.

It was Wednesday.

Ivy my cleaning lady!

I shot out of bed opened my bedroom door and the vacuum-type noises were getting louder. I shut the door again, went into the en-suite bathroom and hastily got myself going.

After completing my morning ablutions or whatever they are called, I went back into the bedroom to get dressed.

I put on a clean bra and panties and slipped on the sundress that I had worn the day before. I would change it a bit later when I had the time. No makeup, she would have to take me as I was. I brushed my hair and pulled out the knots. I would have to go to a salon soon, I had seen tidier birds’ nests!

A record-breaking fifteen minutes later, I was downstairs. The hoover had stopped its racket by then. I found Ivy in the sitting room, dusting.

‘Hello Ivy.’ I said.

‘Woken up at last? Can’t understand why you youngsters can’t get up in the mornings. Half the day’s gone and here’s me wanting to hoover upstairs and I find you in bed snoring and…’

‘I don’t snore!’

‘Yes you do, I’ve heard quieter freight trains. Anyway, enough of that. You want me to make your breakfast?’

‘No’ I’ll be fine.’

‘Right, out of my way then. If you’re making tea, I’ll have one and so will Len, he’s doing some pruning or something out front. I’ll have one spoon of sugar and he’ll have three.’

‘I thought you said that you will make the tea when you’re here?’

‘Don’t be cheeky!’ she said with a twinkle in her eye, ‘now be off with you and don’t forget the biscuits.’

I smiled as I went into the kitchen, I liked Ivy!

I made the tea and went outside with a mug for Len with a small plate of biscuits.

It was warm outside with wall-to-wall sunshine. I wondered when I would get the famed sudden Cornish downpours.

He was over to the side by the hedge, which, funnily enough, was actually a stone wall. I had no idea why they called it a hedge rather than a wall, but the Cornish have strange ways…

He was facing the hedge and cutting down some brambles. Well, I think they were brambles. I have no idea, being the opposite of green-fingered. A cloud of smoke was rising from his head, it looked weird.

‘Hello,’ I said, ‘here’s some tea.’

He jumped slightly at my voice and turned around.

‘You gave me a right fright there,’ he said.

He had one of those e-cigarettes in his hand. Hence the smoke. He put down his tool thingie on the grass. I had no idea what it was called but it looked sharp and a little bit lethal in the wrong hands.

I glanced at his e-cigarette and wrinkled my nose

He saw what I was looking at.

‘Don’t tell Ivy that I’ve been smoking this, she doesn’t like it. She thinks it’s a filthy habit like smoking, but a man needs his pleasures.’

‘I won’t tell.’ I replied smiling, everyone to their own poison.

I handed him the mug and offered him a biscuit.

‘Hobnobs, I like those,’

He promptly dunked it in the tea like an expert and before it disintegrated popped most of it in his mouth.

‘Hmm, nice. So you’re Emma are you.’

‘Yes.’

‘You look a lot like your Grandma. Same nose and eyes. I can always tell.’

‘Tell what?’

‘Relations. It’s all about the nose, ears and eyes.’

‘Right,’ I replied uncertainly.

‘Can’t see your ears under that hair, but I bet there’re similar to your Grandma. Mind you, she had lots of relations from around here. You and I are probably related somewhere in the past. Lots of in-breading in these parts, but I won’t say any more.’

‘Thanks for looking after the garden.’ I said, subtly changing the subject.

‘I love gardening. It’s in me blood. Dad was a gardener, and so was my Uncle Charlie. Don’t know about Grandad, he ran away to sea to get away from me Grandma. Don’t blame him really, she was a shocker was Grandma.’

‘Erm, okay, I’ll leave you to it.’ I said.

‘Thanks for the tea and biscuits.’

‘Any time,’ I replied, moving away.

I thought right then that Len was all right in small doses!

I went back inside and into the kitchen. I had wanted to go for a run, but wouldn’t go while Ivy and Len were around. Maybe later when things quietened down a bit.

From the banging I was hearing from upstairs, I could hear that Ivy was in full swing so I left her to it.

I was quite hungry, so I decided to go mad and have cornflakes for once and remembered that I was running low on milk.

Later, I would pop down to the village to get some provisions.

I quickly finished my breakfast and washed up the crockery.

After that, I grabbed my laptop and tried to do some studying. It was hard going, what with the hoover upstairs and Len, who, at that moment, decided to mow the lawn, swearing every few minutes when it decided to stop.

Eventually, I managed to block out the noise by having my AirPods in and playing some music loudly.

Sometime later, I was deep in my studies when I had a tap on my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I looked up and there was Ivy.

I took out my AirPods.

‘Time for another cuppa,’ she said, ‘then Len and me ‘ll have to go. Want one?’

‘Yes please,’ I said.

I stretched, rubbed my eyes and shut the laptop down. I hadn’t realised how the time had flown past. I was like that. I got immersed in what I was doing and time just goes by.

She handed me a mug and sat down opposite me.

‘Doesn’t Len want tea?’

‘No, he’ll be going down the pub soon. He wants to fill his belly with beer, not tea.’

She took a sip of her drink and looked at me.

‘Settling in all right?’

‘Yes thanks, everyone being so nice.’

‘Not everyone’s nice. I could tell you stories that would shock you, but I don’t gossip. Mind you, Mabel Crabtree, you ought to stay clear of her. She’s a right one with the gossip. I wouldn’t mind but her husband left her for the post lady. Moved to Penzance they did and they run a café together in sin.’

She took another sip.

‘Then there’s Bob Walker. He got caught speeding after having three too many in the pub. Him a travelling salesman too. Bloody idiot, lost his job and on benefits now, him with a pregnant wife and two kids.’

I looked at her. I think that I had got the measure of her and decided not to tell her too much about me and my circumstances. But then I remembered.

‘Erm, Ivy?’

‘Yes m’dear?’

‘When I last saw you, you said something strange.’

‘Did I?’

‘Yes, you said that I could never be a boy in a million years. What did you mean?’

She looked at me with a rather embarrassed look on her face.

‘There’s my big mouth. I shouldn’t have said anything.’

She stopped for a moment and then continued.

‘I was tidying up your bedroom. I picked up a paper and for some stupid reason, I read it. I shouldn’t have done it. What’s private is private, as far as I’m concerned. The paper mentioned something about a change of name from Christopher to Emma and the fact that you’re a trans whatsit. I read the Daily Mail newspaper so I know all about boys and girls wanting to swap sex. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t give a damn about what people want to be. I say it’s their choice. My old uncle was gay. He always said that he was as bent as a diesel-driven doughnut and he was proud of it. It didn’t make him popular where he lived, but he didn’t give a damn. In them days, being a homo sapien was illegal and he went to prison a couple of times, but he couldn’t or wouldn’t change his ways. In the end, he went abroad somewhere to a place that accepted him for what he was. I miss him. He was always kind and gentle and he used to give me sweets when I was a kid.’

I didn’t correct her when she talked about homo sapiens, It was too much like hard work!

‘So,’ she continued, ‘what I’m trying to say is that if you are a boy then my husband is a horse. Mind you, he eats like one!’

We both laughed.

‘Always stand up for yourself. You don’t ever need to apologise for being you, a pretty young girl. Now, enough of this nonsense, I have to go now, I have things to do. See you on Friday.’

‘Goodbye Ivy, see you Friday.’

Soon I was on my own again. I hoped that Ivy wouldn’t spread around who and what I was. Eventually, it would be common knowledge and I wasn’t stupid enough not to realise that there would be some people that objected to me. I shrugged. There was no point in worrying about the future as I had enough on my plate with the present!

I looked outside. It wasn’t quite as warm as yesterday, but warm enough with just a few fine weather clouds scuttling gently across the sky. I decided that I would go out for a run. It was getting to be a bit of a habit and I secretly was beginning to enjoy it. Something to do with endorphins, I think!

I changed into my sports bra, running singlet, shorts and trainers and was soon going up the lane to the coastal path. There was a small stream by the side of the lane, presumably heading down towards the coast that I hadn’t noticed before, probably because it was almost dry.

I thought that I might explore that at some other time but I was in exercise mode and I continued on up the lane.

I decided to turn left instead of right at the top and was soon running along the well-worn path. To my right, down below was the village with the harbour and all those boats in the distance. It was slightly blowier up there and I was going against the wind, but at least the wind would be behind me on the way back.

I think my run went a bit easier than last time, despite the breeze and I was enjoying it. I looked out to sea and in the distance, on the horizon, I saw a thin bank of clouds.

‘Nothing to worry about’, I thought as I carried on.

There was no one about and that was good as I was a bit self-conscious about others seeing me in running gear. The old, old story about whether I passed as a girl…

The path went into some woods and that was nice as there was no wind in there and there was some shelter from the sun, I looked at my watch and noticed, with some surprise that I had been running for about a mile and a half and I didn’t feel that tired but I was getting a bit sweaty or as we girls say, I was glowing. However, I didn’t want to overextend myself as I hadn’t run that much in the past six months and so I turned around and made my way back. I would gradually increase my distance over the next few weeks and see how I felt then.

I came out of the woods and glanced over to the sea. Those clouds were much nearer now and they looked quite dark. I could see flashes of lightning followed shortly after by the noise of thunder. I noticed, on the horizon, where the sea meets the sky, I could no longer tell the difference and it was somewhat hazy. Now I might not be a weather forecaster, but even I thought that it looked like we were in for a bit of a storm. I had timed my run
Perfectly - not!

I increased my pace, helped by the breeze that was now coming from behind me. My lungs began to suffer a bit.

What seemed like moments later, I felt the drip of rain. The sun had long gone by now and it was getting rather dark. I was going to get seriously wet soon. I saw a flash of lightning nearly overhead heard the rumble of thunder immediately after and had visions of my going up in a puff of smoke. The wind had increased to almost gale force by now and was pushing into my back fast enough for me to be nearly pushed over. Out here on the exposed hills above the cliff, there was no shelter. I just had to keep going as the rain suddenly pelted down and in seconds, soaked me to the skin.

Eventually after what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes, I saw, through the rain, the path that led to my lane.

‘Not long now,’ I thought almost desperately.

Just then, the rain seemed to ease slightly and the lightning and thunder moved on. The wind was still high though and I would be glad to get home and out of my wet things.

I had reached my lane and was having dreams about a nice hot shower when I glanced over to the stream. There was now a lot more water and it was flowing down quite quickly. It was amazing how much water there was and I wondered if the banks had ever been breached.

I ran around the corner and there was my cottage. I sighed with relief as I let myself in and immediately created a puddle in the hallway. After taking my trainers off, I went upstairs, stripped off my sodden clothes and thankfully had a nice hot shower.

I felt much better after my shower. Coming back into my bedroom, I looked out of my window and saw that it was once again, nice and sunny and the seagulls were flying about as if nothing had happened. Typical, if I had left my run for a bit later in the day I wouldn’t have gotten soaked. At least I had gotten my exercise out of the way and I could feel righteously smug about it!

As I thought about what to wear, I twisted my earrings. I had kept my piercings clean with saline solution as per instructions and they were healing nicely.

I put on my bra, a strappy white top and a navy blue pleated skirt. I wondered when I would be able to wear shorts, crops or jeans. Having delicate bits down below hindered me slightly. Still, I loved skirts and dresses, so it wasn’t a real problem! My outfit went well with my white trainers, not the ones that I wear for running which were still in the porch dripping wet!

I was feeling hungry now and wanted some lunch. I had a look in the fridge and it was looking a bit bare. I decided that I would take a trip to the shops and get some supplies. I went upstairs and trowelled on some makeup.

Nah, only joking, just the usual light, almost invisible, natural look. After all, I had nice skin, why not show it off? Was I getting a bit vain and above myself? I hoped not. I was beginning to realise that I was lucky enough to be fairly pretty and I liked to make the most of what nice features I had.

Ten minutes later, I was finished and I liked what I saw, the natural girl next door look with a subtle grey eye shadow, a hint of blush and nice full pink lips. I toyed with the idea of lip gloss. Hannah had shown me the joys of lip gloss on our sleepover. I had some nice colours, but I felt that it was a bit much for a daytime look, so I stuck with my trusty tried and tested coral pink lipstick that matched my nails.

Soon I was downstairs and out of the door.

As I walked down to the village, I said hello to several people, some looked like tourists and others local. You get to know the look. Anyway, the lane was still a bit damp from the rain but was drying quickly.

I still marvelled at the fact that I could walk around as a girl without having a second look from anyone. To think, I had spent sixteen years of my life hiding the real me. I felt a bit sad about all the missed years. I would have loved to have been closer to my sister, as a girl, instead of being, as far as she was concerned, an ignored and unwanted brother.

‘Enough of the negative thoughts, I’m lucky that I can be me now.’ I thought, cheering myself up.

I reached the harbour and went up the short street that led to the shops. I went into Harriet’s, the shop I visited on first coming to Porthlowen.

The shop sold everything you could think of including some groceries, lots of hardware and gardening equipment and the essential bucket and spade and holiday-type items. It would have been cheaper to go to a Supermarket, but I would have had to have the hassle of catching a bus into Penzance for that.

The shop was busy and a young girl was screaming at her mother that she had to have a large hideous inflatable green crocodile.

I shuddered,

Anyway, I took a basket and picked some milk, bread and butter. Then I saw a few bags of sweets and a couple of bars of chocolate that looked nice and a six-pack of cola. Finally, a grabbed a plastic bottle of what it said was freshly squeezed orange juice so that I could pretend that I was eating and drinking healthily. I didn’t bother with salad stuff as I wasn’t a rabbit.

I took my purchases to the counter and added an outrageously priced carrier bag to carry my shopping and paid for my things.

Leaving the shop, I smelt chips. There should be a government health warning regarding chip smells that wafted all over the place. Almost in a daze, I found myself in the fish and chip shop and I was soon sitting on a bench overlooking the harbour eating my chips from a polystyrene tray and using a wooden fork.

I had to be watchful as the ever-present seagulls would have grabbed my chips if I wasn’t careful.

‘Ullo love, what yer doin.’

I looked up and two boys were leering at me. They looked about my age or maybe a bit older.

This was all I needed!

‘Eating my chips,’ I replied.

I didn’t like the look of them. I didn’t think they were local by the accent.

‘Fancy goin ter a party later then?’ said Neanderthal 1.

‘No thanks.’ I replied, eyeing the area for an escape route if needed.

‘It’ll be a right laugh,’ said N2.

I was feeling very uncomfortable then. Although there were plenty of people about, no one was looking at us or paying any attention.

‘No thanks. I’m busy later with my boyfriend.’

I thought that it wouldn’t be prudent to mention that I had a girlfriend.

‘So where’s yer boyfriend darlin’ gone out wiv anuver bird? Come on, you know it’ll be great, plenty of music an’ drinks, an yer can dance wiv me,’ said N1 with a grin, showing misshapen and slightly dirty teeth.

I looked up at the spotty youths. They could have been friends with my brother, they were his type.

N1 sat next to me and I didn’t like the smell. I wasn’t into B.O. N2 came up close in front of me. I felt very vulnerable. I wish that I had pepper spray and it was a pity that tasers are illegal in the UK for the public to carry. This one had ginger hair and freckles on his face and a few acne spots. Not a pretty sight.

‘Look, leave me alone I just want to eat my chips. Anyway, my boyfriend will be back soon and… ’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

‘Are you all right Miss?’

I hadn’t noticed that a policeman had, unseen by any of us, appeared as if by magic. He was big, very big and was probably a rugby prop forward, whatever that was.

Neanderthal 1 immediately got up and Neanderthal 2 moved away from my personal space.

‘Yes, they won’t leave me alone.’

‘Just talkin'.’ said N2.

‘Sayin' hello to a friend,’ said N1.

‘They aren’t friends of mine.' I said hotly.

I had my standards and they were well below them. Anyway, I was into girls…well, one in particular.

‘Hop it you two otherwise I might think about charging you.’

‘What for?’ said N2.

‘For being a pain in the neck.’

‘That ain’t an offence.’

‘I’m sure that you know all about what constitutes an offence. How about harassment, wasting police time? I’m sure if you are searched, I could come up with some other evidence to nick you. Now hop it, before things get nasty for you.’

They hopped and in seconds they were thankfully, out of sight.

I stood up.

‘Thanks for that.’

‘No problem Miss. Let me know if you get any more problems with those boys. Can I just have your name?’

‘Emma Penhaligon,’

‘Any relation to Gladys?’

‘She was my Grandma.’

‘You look a bit like her although much younger, obviously. I was sorry to hear that she had passed away.’

‘Yes, I was very upset.’

‘I’m sure. Anyway, here’s my card.’

He gave me a card with his number and the number of the police station.

‘Thanks officer.’

‘Call me Larry, most locals do. Anyway, have a nice day and steer clear of scum like them.’

‘I’ll do my best.’ I replied smiling.

With that, he continued down the quay.

What a nice policeman!

I had a few more chips but wasn’t feeling that hungry for some reason. I picked up my shopping and put the remains of my meal into a waste basket and then made my way back to my cottage.

I kept looking around to make sure that those boys weren’t following me. I was feeling a bit vulnerable. Maybe I should have been flattered by their attempts to pick me up, but all I felt was… defenceless, I suppose was the word I was looking for. It could have gone badly wrong for me. I decided that I would get some pepper spray or something. A girl can’t be too careful. I wondered if Hannah or the twins carried anything in the line of self-defence, like a bazooka or an axe. I would have to ask them.

This was my new reality and what many girls go through. Let’s face it, there are people out there who like to take advantage, be nasty or try it on and it’s quite often young males who think that they are God’s gift to women on the one hand and consider themselves superior to the fairer sex on the other.

I had another layer of insecurity because I am trans. That was something that I just had to live with.

That encounter was a lesson learnt for me. It wasn’t all sweetness and light being a girl, there were distinct disadvantages, especially when being confronted by aggressive stronger people like those slobs.

I reached home and let myself in, feeling safer immediately. After putting my shopping away, I went to my computer and powered it on.

Then, I decided to text Hannah.

Hi Hannah,
Do you carry pepper spray?

That done, and to take my mind off my recent unpleasant experience, I decided to do some more studying, being a glutton for punishment!

That’s a fib really.

I am, I think, unusual (especially when I was at my old school) in as much as I enjoy studying. It helps that I have a very good memory although not photographic, as that is a myth. This helped a lot when taking exams and that is why I have been good enough to obtain very good grades. Grades that I needed for me to obtain my dream of eventually going to medical school.

It was a wonder that I was able to do so well at school as it was a particularly crappy one, always inadequate in OFSTED (school evaluation) reports. I was bullied, of course, and the classes I was in had several troublemakers who loved to make my life more of a misery than it already was. It wasn’t good being what was considered to be a pretty boy!

Then at home, I wasn’t encouraged to study and I never had any help from my family with my studies. I spent much of my time in my bedroom out of the way and I was able to study without many interruptions, for which I was thankful.

On parent nights, my lovely, darling parents always turned up to see the teachers of my brother and sisters. Somehow though, they were never available to see my teachers.

Back to my studies. You may wonder why a girl who is terrified of injections can even contemplate becoming a doctor. The sad fact is that I have no problem dealing with others having injections as long as it’s not me on the end of it!

Also, as far as other people getting injured or ill or losing blood, it doesn’t bother me anything like the situation would be if I was the patient. I have heard stories that many people in the medical profession are the worst of patients and I can well believe that.

I understand that new medical students are warned on commencement of their studies that when learning about the various aches, pains and illnesses, they can experience symptoms themselves.

Weird but true.

Anyway, I was soon deep into my studies and the time went quickly.

After about an hour my phone made its text chirpy noise.

What?

What do you mean – what?

I can be as obtuse as the next person. Where was I coming up with words like obtuse, had I swallowed a dictionary?

Why do you want to know if I have pepper spray?

I had problems with two spotty yoofs down at the quay.

Yoofs? Don’t bring your London-type language down here. Talk proper Cornish like what I do. Hope you are okay. We’ll talk later. By the way, according to dad, pepper spray is illegal, but hair spray is a good substitute. See you later- Love you xxx

Love you too. xxx

I carried on with my studies for a little while longer but my eyes were a bit sore from staring at a screen for too long and eventually I called it a day and gave myself a break.

Grabbing a cola from the fridge, I went out into the garden. It was nice and warm out there and as I slurped my drink, I watched the two ducks, obviously man and wife or is that wife and man, come out from behind a bush and then go for a swim in my lake. They were going around in circles and quacking enthusiastically. A bit like me sometimes. The going around in circles thing, not quacking, now, that would be weird!

I wondered if I should give them some bread, and then I remembered that I had read somewhere that bread was the last thing you should feed birds with. I might, at some point find out what they could eat and get some supplies in. they looked like Mallard ducks, the male looking much prettier than the female; funny that.

Looking at my watch, I noticed that it was now nearly 4.30. I wondered where the time had need gone. I loved to keep myself busy and time flies when you are having fun. Not that it had been much fun meeting those stupid boys down at the quay. I wondered if I would dare go out by myself if I was going to have experiences like that.

Then I thought that I was being stupid. I would have to get a backbone and get used to receiving some attention that I wouldn’t want. Many girls have that problem and they just deal with it and got on with their life. I hoped that I would be one of those girls.

My phone rang.

Picking it up, I saw that it was Hannah.

‘Hi, hon,’ I said.

‘Hi yourself. Just got home want to come round to mine?’

‘Okay, when?’

‘Are you busy now?’

‘Just looking at Daffy and Dolly in the garden.’

‘Who?’

‘My ducks, in the pond. It’s a warm day and they’re just cooling off, I think.’

She seemed to sigh.

‘Are you coming then?’

‘All right, I’ll be around in a minute.’

‘See you soon.’

With that, I got up and went inside. I locked the French doors rushed upstairs, brushed through my hair, refreshed my lipstick, and after coming back down again, I put on my new cool white sandals that showed of my painted toesies and then let myself out of the front door – all done in ten minutes flat.

I went next door and knocked.

Hannah answered the door, glanced behind her and then hugged me. We then had a short kissing session which I never wanted to stop.

I had missed her so much and I think, judging by her reaction to seeing me, she felt the same about me.

After she put me down, we made our way into the kitchen.

I had no idea where Auntie Clare was, I still loved calling her that, but we were alone.

We had a can of cola each and sat at the table.

‘So,’ said Hannah, ‘what’s all this about pepper spray?’

I took a deep breath and told her what had happened to me down on the quay.

‘Idiots, they probably only had one brain cell between them. Some grockles are like that.’

‘Grockles?’

‘Holidaymakers. Some of them think that they are God’s gift to women.’

‘How do you deal with people like that?’

‘I know that you shouldn’t have to, but there is strength in numbers. I rarely go out by myself, especially during the holiday season. We don’t get that much crime down here but it’s mainly grockles that cause the problems. If I do go out, as I said in my text, I have a very handy small can of hairspray. A quick blast of that in the face would stop almost anything. I haven’t had to use it yet but I will do it if I have to. Also, Dad gave me a personal attack alarm, it's pink and I keep it on my key ring. It makes a hell of a noise.’

‘I was thinking of doing self-defence classes and I wonder if they have any clubs at the college.’

‘I think they do. If you want to go, I’ll come as well. I would love to be able to throw some great hulking troublemaker over my shoulder!’

We both laughed.

Just then Auntie Claire came in.

‘Hi, Emma, something funny?’

‘She’s just encountered her first male creep.’

‘Oh?’

I repeated what had happened to me.

‘Well, you shouldn’t have to worry about going out by yourself, but in the real world, you have to be aware of what is going on around you. Your idea of doing some self-defence classes is a good idea. Maybe you should do the same, Hannah.’

‘That’s what we were saying before you came in,’ she said.

Just then, Uncle John came in. He was wearing his police uniform and was looking very handsome. He kissed Auntie Claire on the cheek and then turned to us.

‘Hello girls. Oh Emma, I’m glad you’re here. I need to have a word if that’s okay? Come into the conservatory.’

He took off his jacket and put it on the back of a kitchen chair and I then followed him into the bright conservatory wondering what law I had broken and if I would be sent to maximum security prison.

I have, you may have noticed, a rather colourful imagination.

‘Sit down love.’

I swept my skirt under me to avoid creases and sat on the soft and comfy chair and he sat down opposite me.

‘Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong. You had a few problems down at the quay?’

‘Yes, how did you know?’

‘One of my officers mentioned it. A bit of a coincidence really. We had a bulletin come in about a missing boy called Christopher Latham. His parents went to their local nick and reported him missing some days ago. The bulletin would have gone out to all police stations.’

My heart went cold.

‘What’s going on?’

‘It looks like your parents are saying that they are worried about you.’

‘Never, there must be something else going on. They know from the note I left that I was going and why.’

‘Well, anyway, we had a note on record from Antonia, your solicitor, about your circumstances and I understand that she has now been in touch with them and told them that you are safe and have no intention of returning to them. Whether they want to take any further action or not is up to them. I understand that Antonia has told them that she is a sort of go-between and any enquires should go through her. We have closed the case, not that it was really a case. You are sixteen now and have a lot more freedom than anyone younger. Your parents do have some say, but it’s somewhat limited. It could be argued that you have suffered mental cruelty, but that can be difficult to prove. However, it’s a mark against them and if it ever went to court, which I doubt, you would be in a strong position to reject them.

‘I don’t want them to find me.’

‘I realise that. Well, you have changed your name and are living a long way away from them and as long as that stays confidential, you should be okay. I, of course, unofficially know all about your circumstances as we have been in communication with Antonia, a distant cousin of Claire’s and yours I believe, about all of this. So I think that we have everything covered. If you have any worries and concerns, come to us.’

I got up and hugged him.

‘Thank you so much Uncle John for looking out for me.’

‘Put me down or I’ll arrest you for hugging a police officer in the course of his duties. That must be a crime, I’ll have to check…’

We both laughed.

‘What’s so funny?’ asked Auntie Claire as she came in.

‘Nothing,’ we both said together, laughing.

She sat down next to Uncle John.

‘Had a nice chat?’ she asked.

‘Erm, yes,’ I replied, ‘sort of.’

We talk for a few minutes regarding what Uncle John had told me.

‘Well,’ said Auntie Claire,’ at least you know what the position is. Look, John and I have talked…’

That sounded slightly ominous.

Hannah came in.

‘Hi all, like, wassup?’

Her mum turned to her.

‘Hannah, we have taught you to speak proper English and “wassup” and saying “like” every few sentences is not the way to speak.’

‘Sorry Mumsy, could you possibly tell me what you are talking about and can I be rather rude and join you in this terribly interesting conversation?’

I smiled as this was said in the plumiest, terribly posh English accent possible.

‘Hannah?’

‘Yes, Mummykins?’

‘Go away.’

‘Away?’

‘Yes, leave us, go up to your bedroom and do some homework or paint your nails or whatever.’

‘Do you want me to leave my girlfriend?’

‘Only for a few minutes.’

She looked at me and shrugged.

‘Like, see ya in a mo.’

And with that, she left us.

Uncle John looked bemused and Auntie Claire, world-weary.

‘Right, now that she’s gone…finally, we can speak. As I said, John and I have been talking about you. I know that you are sixteen and you want your own space. Having the cottage as your home is great, but you are on your own there. We are worried about that. You had a nasty experience earlier and it shows how vulnerable you young girls are. We would be happier if you stayed with us… no, let me finish, as far as we are concerned, you are part of this family. Even if you and Hannah weren’t so close, we would feel the same.’

‘That’s true,’ said Uncle John, ‘even though we haven’t known you long, you are one of us and we want to protect you and look after you, even though you consider yourself as an independent girl, you are vulnerable and it worries us that you are living alone, all be it just next door.’

‘Thank you,’ I said, doing my usual tearing up at anything that was in any way emotional.

There was a look between them and then Auntie Claire continued.

‘We want you to stay with us, at least at night. You can have a key and come and go as you please. We want you to treat this as another home and us as sort of surrogate parents.’

She stopped for a moment and looked at Uncle John and then continued.

‘As I think I have said before, We knew about what was going on with you and your family. Gladys asked John to check to see if anything could be done for you, but we came up against a brick wall. There was no independent proof of abuse and unless you had physical signs, it would have been difficult to do anything about it. Anyway, the level of abuse that we knew about would be considered as hearsay as we knew of this via your Grandma and what she knew about the situation.’

I looked at their kind faces and it was hard for me not to break down. It appeared that they knew a lot more about my past than I thought they did. My emotions were all over the place and I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I took a deep breath.

‘I didn’t tell anyone about what was going on except Grandma and I didn’t tell her everything. Anyway, not getting presents and the lack of love or support and ignoring my education together with the drip, drip of hate that I was getting from my parents and brother, in particular, wouldn’t have been enough. I know that because I looked all this up on the internet. The stories of mental abuse on there made my problems seem trivial.’

‘Never mind,’ said Auntie Claire who was now sitting next to me and holding my hand, ‘it’s all water under the bridge now. As far as we are concerned, you have been badly treated and we want to make sure that you are safe and happy. So will you come and at least stay overnight? We won’t tell you to do anything you don’t want to do.’

I looked at them both. In the past, apart from Grandma, I had trusted few people. I had only known them for such a short time, but I had felt love and affection almost from the moment that I met these lovely people.

What should I do?

‘Can I think about it for a minute?’

‘Of course,’ said Uncle John, ‘we’ll leave you alone and keep that pest of a daughter out of your hair. Come into the kitchen when you’re done.’

Uncle John left and then Auntie Claire went to leave but stopped at the door.

‘I know that you’ll make the right decision Emma. As far as we are concerned, you are part of this family no matter what you decide. After I had Hannah, I couldn’t have any more children. Living down here, we are a long way from any other relatives that we know about, so our family is effectively just the three of us.

‘What I’m trying to say love, is that we want you to think of us as family. As I said earlier, we could be surrogate parents if you like, even though Hannah wouldn’t think of you as a sister, of course. She doesn’t say much about it, but it’s obvious that she has very strong feelings for you and from what I have seen, you feel the same about her.

‘Whether you come to stay with us or not, remember we are family and will always support you through thick and thin.’

She said that with tears in her eyes. With a smile, and without saying anything else, she left me to my thoughts.

I stared out of the window. I had a lot to think about. After a moment, I wiped my eyes with a tissue, noting the eye shadow marks on the tissue. I realised that it might be a good idea to get some waterproof makeup.

This was all getting a bit heavy

After a moment, I stood up, smoothed down my skirt and went outside to the garden.

It was a nice garden with plenty of brightly coloured flowers in the borders. The garden was well looked after with a closely cropped, slightly brown lawn due to the hot spell we were having.

I walked down the path. At the end was an oak tree with an old rope swing hanging from a branch. I sat on the swing and thought things through.

I loved Grandma’s cottage and the fact that she was kind and generous enough to give it to me. I was envious of Hannah and the parents that she was lucky enough to have. The fact that they had all welcomed me into their home and the love and affection I had for Hannah was wonderful.

I didn’t like the fact that I was dragging them into the problems that I had had. They had a nice life, living in that wonderful place and then I came along. A problem child, well teenager actually with major issues. I realised that at sixteen, I wasn’t anywhere near to being an adult. Ironically, though, I also realised that in many parts of the world, I would be of an age where I would be treated as an adult.

Different societies had different attitudes, I supposed.

This was all pretty deep for me, but I was always overthinking, saying to myself, ‘what if?’ Having a pretty strong imagination wasn’t always a gift. I was always worried about what might happen in any given situation…

I was rambling and not staying on point, as they say.

So, what should I do?

I started swinging slightly, the rope making rubbing noises from the branch. My skirt was lifting slightly in the gentle breeze as I moved and it felt strangely comforting. I was facing away from the house, so there was no danger of anyone seeing a shocking panties episode. Although there was a robin in a bush that seemed to be looking strangely at me, although that might have been my rather fevered imagination…

Just then, I heard some heavy breathing and I looked to my left and a dog strolled over. It was a Labrador, quite a young one I could see by the spring of his or her step. As the dog came closer, I could see that it was a boy dog.

‘Hello, who are you?’ I said, getting off the swing and crouching down.

Tail wagging like mad, he barked and then, without warning, he licked my face.

‘Yuk,’ I said as I stood up laughing. Looking down, I could see a name tag.

I read it.

‘Well Charlie, you are a friendly one.’

I vaguely remembered Hannah saying that they had a daft dog.

He rolled over onto his back with his pink tongue hanging out and I rubbed his tummy. He seemed to like that judging from the daft look on his face.

After a few blissful moments, he stood back up, woofed again, licked my hand and shot off up the garden, through the French doors of the conservatory and into the house.

I smiled. I loved dogs and when I was small, always wanted one. Of course, my parents wouldn’t let me have one. No surprise there!

I walked back up to the cottage, feverishly thinking about things and what I should do.

I loved my cottage and liked the freedom that I had now I was away from my unloved parents, brother and sister. I must admit that I didn’t like being alone at night with the noises and the terrible nightmares that I had been experiencing lately.

I had come from a place without affection to somewhere where love was all around me. I obviously wasn’t as adult as I had thought I was.

I wasn’t a normal girl, I knew that. As far as the world was concerned, I was just a boy who dressed as a girl. It didn’t matter to some people that in my head, I was a girl and had never been a boy. Physically, I was male and not female, although I had lovely small breasts now and sort of looked more like a girl. I would do all that I could to change my physical appearance even more as soon as I could so that I would be as near a girl physically as I could be. But for now, I would just have to accept the situation.

I suppose that incident down at the quay with the Neanderthals, trivial to some but not to me, had shaken me a bit. Also, the news that my old family was looking for me made me feel even more vulnerable.

What to do?

I went into the cottage and then the kitchen.

They were all in there, even Charlie, who was noisily hoovering some food from his bowl.

They looked up as I went in, except Charlie, who had more pressing matters.

It was obvious that they had been talking about me. Hannah looked like she was almost bursting to say something but, for once, she was quiet. Looking at them, I saw them for what they were, a loving family.

I made my decision, I wanted to be part of this family.

‘Thank you so much for asking me to stay. I would very much like to, if possible.’

There was a group hug and Hannah made whooping noises. I think that she was in favour!

Once everything had calmed down, John had to go out. Before that, he came over and hugged me.

‘It’s great that you’ve agreed to stay. You’ve made us all very happy. It’s a two-way thing. You are now a larger part of our life and we are part of yours. I’ll see you later.’

He kissed my cheek and then he was gone. Why wasn’t my dad like that? It wouldn’t have hurt him to have shown me some sort of affection.

Hannah came over.

‘You are thinking deep things again, aren’t you? I can always tell; you start frowning and you bite your bottom lip. You don’t want to do that, it’s not good for you and smudges your lipstick. Come on, let's go to yours and get a few things to bring back.’

So that’s what we did.

I filled a case but left everything else that was not needed. We had agreed that I wasn’t abandoning my cottage. I would still spend a lot of time there, but not overnight; a time when I felt most vulnerable.

There was almost certainly no need for me to worry overnight about people breaking in or anything nasty like that, but it was more my state of mind and everything that was happening to me. I now had the best of worlds. If I wanted to be alone to think or study, I could just go to my cottage to do my own thing.

Anyway, it was nice to feel part of a family that wanted me around rather than one who wished that I had never been born.

We arrived back at Seashell cottage. I struggled with my case and Hannah carried my rucksack and other bits and pieces that I hadn’t been able to pack.

Auntie Claire was in the kitchen.

‘Hello, you two. Got everything you need?’

‘Yes thanks,’ I replied.

‘Right, you have a choice. We have a spare bedroom, but it’s tiny. You can sleep there or you can do what you did on your sleepover and use the truck bed.’

I looked at Hannah and she looked at me. She smiled and I smiled.

‘Truck bed,’ we said together.

‘I thought that you might want that option,’ she said smiling, ‘right, house rules. We will trust you to not do anything inappropriate. You are both only sixteen Emma, sorry to embarrass you, but I know that your erm, male bits are not functioning so, that does not worry me, however, Hannah’s girl bits are functioning and as such I want you both to promise me that you will not do anything that you shouldn’t. Do I make myself clear?’

We both nodded and my face felt hot for some reason.

‘I wouldn’t do anything to betray your trust,’ I said.

That sounded a bit pompous, but I meant it.

‘You know me Mum, I’m not silly.’

‘Hmm, I’m yet to be convinced.’ she said doubtfully, ‘well, we’ll try it out and see how things go.’

‘We’ll go up and sort out Emma’s things,’ said Hannah enthusiastically.

We took everything upstairs and in her room, she put the bags down and turned to me.

‘This is going to be great,’ she said enthusiastically.

She came over and gave me a hug and then we kissed. It was wonderful, as it always was. I could easily get used to this!

After a few minutes of this, we finally put each other down. We both looked a bit flushed and were out of breath for some reason!

‘I’ve cleared a space in my wardrobe for your things. Some of my stuff is like, well out of date. I’m going to have to go shopping soon to buy more clothes, what a pain – not!’

Soon, everything was packed away and I noted that Hannah had about three times the amount of clothes that I had. Maybe I needed another shopping experience too?

‘Girls, tea time,’ came the call from downstairs.

We clattered downstairs and into the kitchen.

Claire believed in feeding people up and we had a homemade chicken pie with mashed potatoes, peas, carrots and gravy so thick that you could stand your fork in it.

This was followed by hot apple pie and ice cream. I thought that could certainly get used to this. I was lucky in as much as I was quite thin and I didn’t gain any weight if I ate what was considered by some as naughty food.

Things were quiet, as you can’t talk with your mouth full. Afterwards, Auntie Claire put all the tea things in the dishwasher and then came back and sat down, while we finished our drinks.

‘Well girls, what are you going to do now?’

‘I have to do a bit of studying,’ I said.

‘Boring!’ said Hannah.

‘Don’t you have any to do?’ asked her mum.

‘Erm, well like, yes, but…’

‘Don’t “but” me young lady. Remember, you want to be a nurse and that requires a good degree. You need to get in the habit of studying hard. You should be like Emma and go and do some work for an hour or so, then you can relax.’

Hannah looked at me as if I had said or done something wrong.

‘What?’ I said.

She sighed.

‘Nothing, let’s go and study.’

So that’s what we did and we went upstairs.

On the landing, Hannah said, ‘I normally study on my dressing table; my laptop fits nicely and I have enough room for my papers. We can’t both work there as there’s not much room.’

‘Okaaay.’

‘Don’t say okay like that. Auntie Hannah has a solution. We’ve put a table in the box room and you can use that, if you want or if like, you are being totally unsociable, you could always go back to your cottage to study.’

We went to the box room, which, as its name implies, is small or as estate agents would say, deceptively spacious.

The table was by the window with nice views out and there was an office chair in front of it. It would suit me fine.

‘That’s great Hannah, although I will use the cottage sometimes. I don’t want to neglect it and you are so noisy sometimes.’

‘Bloody cheek, I’m as quiet as a church mouse! Anyway, I have no problem about you abandoning me occasionally. I won’t feel hurt - much.’

With that, she pretended to cry.

I sighed.

‘Anyone tell you that you are a bit of a drama queen?’

‘It’s part of my fascinating personality.’

‘If you say so!’

We both giggled.

And so I did some work in the box room while Hannah did her thing, whatever that was, in the bedroom.

An hour soon passed and I had finished my studies. It’s surprising what you can do in an hour without interruptions.

I stretched and was just about to stand up when my phone rang, well say rang, but I had changed the ringtone to Tubular Bells, a favourite of mine.

‘Hello?’

‘Emma?’

‘Yes.’

‘It’s Dr Sullivan.’

‘Hello doctor.’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘I have the occasional achy pain down below and my moods are a bit up and down. I still can’t stop crying at the slightest thing and I have nasty nightmares. Apart from that, I’m fine.’

She laughed at my flippancy.

‘What I’m ringing about is that I have touched base with your solicitor who confirmed things. I have contacted a BUPA hospital in Penzance, St Hilda’s, who would be willing to treat you. Also, I have received your blood report which shows that you have a higher level of oestrogen in your blood than normal, lower testosterone and you are also slightly anaemic possibly due to the pills you have been taking.’

The hospital can fit you on Friday as they have had a cancellation. Would you be willing to go at such short notice?’

‘Yes.’ I replied quickly without really thinking.

‘Your appointment is at 10 am; go into reception and give your name. Dr Withers is your consultant. They are trying to get your records from your previous surgery, but there have been problems due to your name change. Your solicitor is dealing with that though and it’s hoped that they will be available tomorrow. Wear loose clothes and try to do without makeup!’

‘I will; thank you doctor.’

‘No problem. Let me know how you get on.’

‘I will, goodbye.’

‘Bye.’

I put the phone down. Of course, me being me, I started to worry and “what if” everything. It was all happening so fast. I didn’t like the sound of my blood results and that was just another thing to fret about. Maybe I was turning into a hypochondriac?

I went downstairs and found Auntie Claire in the sitting room reading a magazine.

‘Auntie.’

She looked up and smiled.

‘Yes love?’

‘Dr Sullivan rang. I have an appointment on Friday at St Hilda’s at 10 o’clock.’

‘That’s quick.’

‘They had a cancellation.’

‘I suppose you will want a lift.’

‘Erm, if you aren’t busy.’

‘Well I was going to bake a cake on Friday and do some laundry, but I’m sure that can wait.’

‘I don’t want to put you out. I could catch a bus…’

She laughed.

‘I was only joking. Of course, I can come and I’ll be with you as much as I’m allowed, is that all right?’

I went over and gave her a hug.

‘Thank you so much Auntie!’

I was getting to be quite a huggy, feely person now. What a change from my previous life!

‘Wassup?’

Hannah was standing in the doorway, a can of Coke in her hand.

‘Hannah, speak English please.’

‘Sorry like, yer know?’

She giggled and I had to laugh. I didn’t think that Auntie thought it was that funny though.

I explained what was going to happen on Friday.

‘Cool, maybe they can sort your plumbing out sooner rather than later.’

‘I wouldn’t put it like that, Hannah,’ said Auntie, frowning.

I giggled, living with this family was proving interesting. I could see that Hannah liked to press her mum’s buttons, but it was all good-humoured.

I was always comparing this family with my old one. I called them my old family because that was exactly what they were – part of my past.

‘Right,’ said Hannah, ‘let’s go down to the quay.’

And that’s what we did.

Auntie suggested that we shouldn’t be too late back because I had an important day tomorrow, as I would be going to see my new tutor. I agreed but for now, going down to the quay would take my mind off the future.

Of course, Hannah contacted the twins and another of her friends, Megan and it was agreed that we would meet them by the lighthouse at the end of the quay.
Hannah and I walked down the lane, hand in hand. It seemed so natural and the only people we saw, just smiled and greeted us, seemingly without any hang-ups regarding our, for lack of a better word, closeness. Ten or twenty years before, there might have been signs of disapproval at our intimacy. Despite my run in with those yobs, with Hannah, somehow I felt safe and it was nice and I began to relax.

There wasn’t a huge amount of things to do for people of our age, so the quay was the place to go, especially in the summer. Evidently, the winter was different as many of the shops, restaurants were closed. But for now, everyone who was anyone met up down at the quay. It was quite vibrant. In the summer when the numbers were swelled by holidaymakers, the place was sometimes heaving, especially during the school Summer holidays.

There were stalls selling hot food, others were selling tatty and not-so-tatty souvenirs. There were a few street musicians and one who was doing party tricks and cool acrobatics that made the crowd go ooh and ahh at his antics.

There was even a Punch and Judy for the kids to shout at.

It was all busy and bustling, and I loved it.

We met the others by the white lighthouse at the end of the quay. The twins were there together with another rather tall girl.

‘Hi girls,’ said Hannah, ‘Emma, this Megan, Megan, Emma.’

‘Hello,’ I said shyly.

‘Hello,’ said Megan, ‘so you’re Hannah’s girlfriend?’

‘Erm, yes.’ I replied.

‘I've heard a lot about you from these two,’

She pointed at the twins.

‘Nothing bad?’ I asked.

‘No, strange really, I expected to hear all the gossip and character assassination about you, but they say you’re nice and you two are happy together.’

We walked back along the quay to where all the action was. Megan was a chatty girl, very pretty and she had auburn hair that went down her back, almost to her waist. Her skin was fair and her face was full of freckles.

There was something about her that I just couldn’t get and it was bugging me slightly, but she was so nice and friendly and I thought that we would be friends. I hoped so.

I didn’t think that Megan knew about me or what I was. For that, I was grateful as I didn’t want to tell her about me until I knew her better. I know that I had told the twins, but for some reason, I was now being more cautious. I obviously had trust issues due to my old family and maybe that was the reason.

I knew that eventually, my trans status would become common knowledge, especially after going to college. My private life should be just that – private, but I knew that things get out and I was sort of gearing myself up to be prepared for it

Everything was happening ridiculously fast. I had only been in Porthlowen for a week and look what had happened. I wanted to step back a bit and I longed for what would be considered a normal quiet day. That wouldn’t happen any time soon, what with college and hospital appointments.

Maybe one day, things would settle down and I can have a few normal days?

Some hope!

Being young and full of energy. We wanted to have something to eat after about an hour of wandering around. We went to one of the stalls that sold Cornish pasties and bought some together with some cans of Coke.

The pasty seemed huge in my hand as we sat on a few seats overlooking the harbour. It was the first time I had ever eaten a Cornish Pasty and I wondered if I had the appetite to get through it – but I did, it was delicious. I’m a quick eater and I soon demolished it before the others were halfway through theirs.

As we sat there, the girls talked about lots of things but mainly about other girls they knew, some good, some bad and some very bad! The latest, greatest fashions were picked apart and I could see that they had different views on what to wear and not to wear. I could see that fashion for them was an individual thing. Then they turned to boys, periods and other stuff that made me blush a bit. And thankfully, I sort of zoned out there and just watched the passers-by.

I felt the call of nature after a bit and I got up.

‘Just going to the loo,’ I said.

‘Want me to come?’ asked Hannah who, like the others, was still munching away at her pasty.

‘No, you’re fine, it’s just around the corner. I won’t be long.’

I left them to it. I had a bit of a weak bladder, so I hurried as fast as I could down the quay and into the narrow lane where the public toilet was before I could have a little accident.

This was the first time I had used these toilets and it was nice that they didn’t have that horrible pee smell that you sometimes get in the gents, probably because there were no urinals. Not that I ever used a urinal. I was a sit-down-to-go person.

One of the cubicles was occupied but the others were free. I went into an empty one, wiped down the seat with some toilet tissues and sat down, letting out a sigh as I let the river run!

I could hear the lady flush her loo and then after a few moments, leave the Ladies.

Once finished, I went out and washed and dried my hands and then left the toilets.

It was quite dark outside now with one streetlamp a little way down the lane the only source of light other than the lights from the quay about fifty yards away.

As I walked out, I was just going towards the quay…

‘Hello, what do we have here?’

I turned and there they were, the two boys who had hassled me on the quay earlier.

I looked around. The lane was empty apart from those two. I could hear the happy sounds of people having a good time coming from the quay but for me, it all could have been miles away for all the good it would do. I was more concentrating on what was happening.

To say I was scared was an understatement. This was all I needed.

I didn’t say anything but just started to walk towards the bright lights of the quay.

One of them ran around and blocked the way.

‘Leave me alone,’

‘Why?’ said the boy, ‘not afraid are you?’

‘No, I just want to go back to my friends.’

‘You should be afraid.’

‘Why?’

‘Because we don’t like you, do we Bill?’

‘No,’ came the reply from Bill, who was behind me and I was getting creeped out as I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, he was that close.

‘Let me go. I’ll scream.’

Suddenly, Bill put his hand over my mouth and grabbed me.

Still, there was no one else around and I was so scared that I started to tremble.

‘There aren’t any coppers around to help you now. You disrespected us and you’re going to pay. I told Bill here that I didn’t like the way you looked at me, didn’t I Bill?’

‘Yea, little Miss Perfect, fucking with us.’

There was an alley by the side of the lane that was the rear passageway to some cottages and I was dragged in there.

I struggled as I was being dragged by Bill who was much stronger and taller than me.

I bit Bill's hand and tasted his blood.

‘Shit, you cow,’ he shouted as he hit the back of my head with his fist and I fell to the ground.

‘What shall we do with her Fred?’ said Bill as he sucked his hand. It had blood on it.

‘We need to teach her a few manners.’

I was dragged to my feet and held from behind by an angry Bill.

‘Shout out or say anything and you will regret it.’

Fred came up close, he had bad breath and I turned my face away.

‘Not good enough for you, am I?’

He pulled my face back towards him and then he kissed me.

I struggled away from him but Bill had me firmly and I couldn’t move.

Fred suddenly grabbed my skirt and pulled it up.

He put his hand down my panties. His eyes went wide.

‘What! You fucking shit. Bill, it’s a boy!’

He pulled back, looked at me with hatred in his eyes and then hit me full on the jaw.

I fell to the ground. I had my eyes shut.

‘Take that you queer freak, tranny, shit!’

He kicked my genitals and it was as if I had exploded.

Dimly I heard some shouting and then everything went black.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

I was in bed, fast asleep when I heard a noise. It was my door being battered in. Bill got in and he was standing there with an axe in his hand. Fred was behind, leering at me.

‘You disrespected me. You made me think that you were a girl. I kissed you. I don’t kiss boys, I’m not a fagot but you are.

He raised his axe…

I screamed.

Then everything went dark again.

I heard a beep, beep sound and I gradually opened my eyes and then shut them again as the light was too bright.

I groaned.

I was in pain and my jaw ached and my middle felt as if I had been kicked by a horse.

Then it all came back.

Bill…Fred…

I started crying. I wanted to go back to sleep, to end the pain.

Then I felt a soft hand hold mine. It was warm and tender.

‘Emma.’ she said softly.

I opened my eyes and there was Hannah.

‘Pain.’ I gasped.

‘Okay, I’ll get a nurse. Don’t go away.’

Her hand slipped out of mine, and I closed my eyes.

A few moments later the pain drifted away and I opened my eyes again. A nurse was standing by me, her hand fiddling with a drip.

‘Okay Emma, is the pain going away a bit?’

I nodded.

‘Thank you.’

‘No problem. If you need me, just press the buzzer.’

She left the room, and I was getting more aware of things going on around me.

I was obviously in a hospital room, but this wasn’t NHS, this was more like a posh hotel room. By the side of me, was a bedside cabinet with some get-well cards on it. On the other side were some medical equipment and a screen with lots of numbers and wiggly lines.

My arm had a bandage on it with a few things coming out from under it including a clear plastic tube.

I was slightly propped up in bed and in the middle, there was a hump thing that was keeping the sheets and blankets away from me.

I shut my eyes again as I was feeling slightly woozy.

To say that I was a bit muddled would be an understatement.

Why was I here?

What had happened to me?

Had I had an accident?

Then it all came back with a rush as I remembered and I started to cry as the horrors came back.

The door opened and then closed quietly. Seconds later I felt someone sit on the bed and I opened my eyes. It was Hannah.

She slid her hand into mine.

‘Hello,’ she said, ‘how do you feel?’

‘Like I’ve been run over by a lorry.’ I sniffed.

She frowned. She looked like she had been crying for some reason.

‘Sorry,’ I said.

‘Why?’

‘I’ve been nothing but trouble.’

‘Like, don’t be daft. None of this is your fault.’

I had a horrible thought and the heart bleep thing went and started to bong alarmingly.

The nurse came in and did something to the machine and it stopped that annoying noise.

‘Don’t upset her,’ she told Hannah.

‘Who me?’

‘Yes you. Emma, ring the bell if you need me.’

With that, she left us to it, closing the door quietly behind her.

I ran my sore tongue over my lip. My top lip had split slightly and felt uncomfortable, as did my tongue which felt like I had bitten it somehow. The was secondary to me as I needed to know…

‘Have they caught them?’

‘Those creeps?’

I nodded. I couldn’t stand it if they were out there and could get to me again.

‘Yes, they ran off but were caught shortly after, pleading their innocence. According to Dad, they were bang to rights, that is guilty as hell, I think. Look, you don’t need to worry about that now. I don’t want to you like, get all upset again…’

‘I need to know Han. I need to know what happened. Some of it is a bit hazy.’

‘Okay, Dad told me not to talk to you about it until he’s spoken to you but what I will say, and I’ve not told you this, is that we wondered why you were taking so long to go to the loo, and Megan needed to go anyway.’

Hannah looked at the closed expecting her dad to burst in or something. Then she continued.

‘So we went to the loo, but we heard boys shouting down that passage behind the cottages and we saw…’

She stopped and looked upset. I swear that she was going to cry again, but I had to know.

‘Go on.’

‘Those two boys were like, beating the crap out of you. They ran off past us and threatened to knife us if we followed.

‘We were like obviously more interested in you. Megan got there first and covered you up. You were unconscious and bleeding from down below. I was in a bit of a state and could only like cuddle you whilst one of the twins, God knows which, phoned 999 for police and ambulance. I can’t tell you any more or Dad will kill me…’

The door opened again and Auntie came in. Hannah reluctantly let go of my hand and stood up.

‘Well honey, back with us at last,’ she said as she came up to the bed leaned over and kissed my cheek.

That kiss hurt a bit but I didn’t mind.

She dragged up a chair and sat next to me.

‘Hannah, go and me a coffee.’

Turning to me she asked.

‘Do you want anything?

‘Coke please.’

Hannah seemed like she was going to argue about going but Auntie gave her a laser-like look and that was enough to send her scurrying out.

Auntie turned to me.

‘You look a bit better than I last saw you.’

‘Thanks, I think.’

‘We need to talk about things. Are you up for it?’

I nodded.

‘Your uncle will be in to see you later and his sergeant will interview you with him looking on. John is too close to you for him to take a lead on the case, but he will be there for you, okay?’

‘Yes, can you tell me anything, about my erm, injuries?’

‘I have permission from the doctors to talk to you in general terms about what has happened, but your surgeon Dr Withers will explain more fully. Are you really up for this Emma?’

‘I need to know.’

At least the bonging noise had gone away from the heart machine thingy.

She nodded.

‘If you want me to stop, just say, all right?’

‘Yes.’

I wished that she would just get on with it.

‘Firstly, I need to tell you that the boys were caught trying to catch a bus out of the village. A stupid thing to do. If I was them I wouldn’t have used public transport. Megan recognised them as they pushed past her. They were seasonal workers at the fish warehouse beyond the quay. They had evidently been troublesome and had been sacked from their jobs. As soon as they arrived in the area, one of them, Bill I think his name is, tried to get involved with Megan, who told him where to go when he was being a pest. Also, they were suspected of stealing things from the corner shop, but it couldn’t be proved.

‘Larry, our local bobby on the beat, when given a description of the lads thought that he knew who they were and said that he had had a run-in with them on the quay. They were causing you problems and he sent them away with a flea in their ears. One had ginger hair and that was a bit of a giveaway. They’re in police custody in Penzance. They’re under 18 so they are treated differently to adults, but due to the seriousness of their assault and possible flight risk, they will not be released according to John.’

That was one worry off my shoulders, but there was another.

‘Did they hurt me badly? I can’t feel anything…down below.’

She looked at me and sighed.

‘The doctors said that I can tell you some things that aren’t too technical. Dr Withers will be in to see you later to explain in more detail. It might be good to tell you what happened after you went to West Cornwall Hospital A&E. You were unconscious, which can be a worry at any time Apart from more superficial wounds to your face and body, the doctors were concerned about the fact that you were bleeding from your genital area.

‘Emma, those boys did a lot of harm, apart from your face, which had to be x-rayed in case you had skull injuries, they damaged your genital area by repeated kicking. Luckily your jaw wasn’t fractured so that was good. However, the kicking did cause a lot of damage that had to be rectified urgently.

‘West Cornwall Hospital doesn’t have the necessary facilities to sort out the problems and you would have had to be transferred to Exeter for the work to be carried out. By this time I had arrived at the hospital and to cut a long story short, because you had already agreed to go private and were due to go in anyway, you were transferred to St Hilda’s BUPA hospital.

‘The decision was made that you would have to have your damaged testicles removed and some minor surgery to correct your torn scrotum carried out as soon as possible. There was some concern about possible infection. The attack took place in an area that wasn’t very tidy and had a lot of rubbish around; by boys wearing shoes that were probably covered in germs.

‘Because of your circumstances at home, your parents were not involved with the decision to operate. As this was by way of an emergency procedure and you are living with us, we were considered to be in loco parentis. This was confirmed after consultation with Antonia, who agreed that, in effect, this was the case.

‘As I already mentioned, after explaining what had happened to Dr Withers there were no problems with this hospital taking over your case as you were to come here anyway to have some work done.’

‘So my testicles have been removed and the sack was damaged?’

‘Yes, that’s right. Your testicles were not functioning anyway and they had to be removed. To be honest, even if you hadn’t been attacked the doctor said that they would have had to have been taken out anyway. The sack had been torn when those thugs attacked you.’

‘So I’m going to be all right?’

‘Yes, I think so. The doctor wants to talk to you about the blood results that have just come in tomorrow. Nothing for you to worry about evidently, but the results help to explain what has been happening to you.’

‘Auntie.’

‘Yes love?’

‘They didn’t…didn’t, you know?’

I didn’t want to use the ‘R’ word

She stood up and leaned over me, giving me a gentle hug, trying to avoid all the leads and tubes.

‘No Emma, you weren’t harmed that way. It was good that you had some friends come to your rescue, but I don’t think that that would have happened anyway.’

For some reason, that set me off again and I cried my eyes out with my lovely Auntie hugging me.

After that, I calmed down a bit and Hannah came in with the drinks. I had wondered why she had been so long, but I think that it had been planned that way.

Devious or what?

I sipped my drink which was nice as my throat was a bit raw. We spoke about this, that and the other, but avoided talking about my attack. I think that they knew that I wanted to let it be for the moment.

After a while, I started yawning. Probably something to do with the painkillers in my drip.

‘We’ll leave you to have some sleep and come and see you tomorrow,’ said Auntie, standing up.

‘Oh, I was supposed to see my tutor today.’

‘That was yesterday,’ said Auntie, ‘I contacted her and she was so sorry about what happened to you. She said that she will see you when you are ready and not to worry. She sounded really nice and sympathetic.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Right girls, I’ll wait outside. Hannah, be quick, she needs her rest.’

Auntie kissed me on the cheek and stroked my hair.’

‘See you tomorrow. Rest as much as you can.’

I smiled as she left the room, leaving me with Hannah.

She held my hand and looked at me. A tear fell from her eye.

‘Don’t you ever do that to me again.’

‘What?’

‘Make me worry about you. I can’t leave you alone for one minute, can I?’

‘Sorry,’ I said, tearing up myself.

She sighed.

‘No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. If I could get at those boys I‘d tear them apart if I could.’

‘Stop it, it makes you the same as them.’

She looked at me, stroked my hair and smiled.

‘Don’t ever change Emma, I love you just the way you are.’

‘Except for one little thing?’

‘Yes, there is that; one snip and it's gone!’

‘Not very good at biology are you?’

We both laughed until I said, ‘Ouch!’

I had a good sleep that night without those horrid nightmares. I wanted to have a sleeping tablet, but the nurse said that they would have to check on me during the night because I had lost consciousness during the attack.

The next morning I was feeling much better. My jaw still felt a bit swollen but my lip didn’t feel too bad and my tongue was still a bit sore, but nothing like as bad.

Down below ached a bit, but not exceptionally.

I had porridge and orange juice for breakfast and I had to eat and drink carefully due to my mouth injuries.

I had a catheter tube and that took away the need to go to the toilet. I had pads and bandages covering my scrotum and I wondered how well I was healing.

Nurse Petra told me when she came in to pick up the breakfast things, that Dr Withers would be coming to see me on his rounds a bit later and that I could ask her how things were going down below.

I wanted to go home but knew that it wouldn’t happen that day. I would just have to be a bit patient.

About mid-morning, I was bored. I had a nice TV but there wasn’t anything worth watching.

Petra came in after a while and took my temperature and other vital signs. I wasn’t plugged into anything now, apart from my plumbing which was a relief.

‘Right,’ she said, ‘you have a visitor. Shall I send her in?’

‘Yes please,’ I said, sitting up in bed a bit. Maybe it was Hannah.

Nurse Petra went out and a few moments later, the door opened and in came Megan!

The tall pretty girl came over with a smile and dropped some cards on the bed and a paper bag.

‘Hi Emma, all the others are in college today, but I have a few free periods so here I am. I’ve got some get-well cards and also a few sweets and chocolates for you. I hope that you like them.’

‘Oh, thanks for coming Megan, we didn’t have much chance to talk the other day.’

‘Yes, that was awful. You’ve really been through it haven’t you?’

I nodded.

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

She dragged up a chair and sat down next to me.

We talked about the weather, how I was doing now and other things but I had a feeling that she had something on her mind.

There were a few moments when things went quiet and then Megan spoke up.

‘Look Emma, I know that you don’t want to talk about what happened, but I need to say something about it.’

I was dreading this. I was pretty sure that she didn’t know about my being trans.

‘What?’

‘When we stopped those creeps attacking you. I was there first and I saw how badly you were injured. Your skirt was up and I could see your torn panties, the blood and sorry to say this, your boy bits. I pulled your skirt down…’

‘Look…’

‘Let me finish, this is hard. I shouted for something to stop the bleeding, it wasn’t too heavy, the bleeding that is, but it needed stopping and the area kept as clean as possible. The alley wasn’t that nice and it was quite dirty where you were laying.

‘One of the girls, not sure who, gave me a couple of sanitary towels and I placed them over the area that was bleeding and then I pulled down your skirt. I had no idea if the other girls knew about you being trans so I was trying to save you from any embarrassment. I’ve taken a St John’s first aid training course, so I knew what to do.’

‘Thanks for that. The others do know about me, but I didn’t know you well so I said nothing. I would have told you if we became friends.’

She smiled.

‘So we are friends then?’

‘If you accept me for who I am, a girl in a boy’s body.’

‘Of course I do. It would laughable if I didn’t .’

‘Because I’m like you, trans.’

‘You?’

‘What?’

‘Like me?’

‘Well, I’m not as pretty as you but yes.’

‘Trans?’

‘Yes Emma. Don’t look so shocked. I was born a boy but have always been a girl inside. I have boy bits like you, but as soon as I can, I will be as much of a girl outside as I can be. Inside I am and always will be a girl. I’m under my doctor and I’m taking puberty blockers. My breasts are false though and that’s a pain. Silicone breasts are hot and sweaty in this weather. I want my own real ones as soon as possible. Yours are natural, you lucky cow!’

We both laughed. That was good, it was the first time I had laughed in ages.

I looked at her as she spoke. She looked like any other girl, although she was quite tall; taller than the other girls I knew. Mind you, there are tall girls so that wouldn’t really count as a sign that she was born a boy.

‘Don’t say that I’m prettier than you. You are lovely.’

‘Thanks,’ she replied turning a slight shade of pink.

‘What do your parent think?’ I asked.

‘About me being a girl?’

‘Yes.’

‘It took a bit of time to convince them, a few years actually. Things got a bit rough and I…I tried to commit suicide by taking a load of Mum’s sleeping pills…’

‘What!’

‘Yea, I know, stupid, but I was in this pit and I couldn’t get out. I was in a boys' school at the time. I was quite short, thin, weedy, call it whatever you like. This was before I shot up in height. Bullies were hounding me and Mum and Dad kept me there and wouldn’t believe me when I said that I was really a girl. They took me to our GP once and he said that I would grow out of it and that it was a phase and Mum and Dad lapped that nonsense up like a cat with warm milk.

‘They wouldn’t listen to me. They trusted that damned doctor more than their own child. In the end, I had had enough. I was in a very dark place. Mum and Dad were out one day, so I put on my prettiest dress and carefully applied my best makeup, I had a few girlie things hidden away from prying eyes that they never knew about. I then wrote them a note telling them all about how I felt and then took the pills and laid down on my bed. I was thirteen at the time. A few minutes later I was well and truly out of it.

‘I woke up in hospital with a huge headache and a very sore throat. Mum and Dad had come home earlier than I thought they would and they found me. Talk about panic stations. I was evidently rushed to hospital, the full blue lights and sirens experience, but I didn’t know that as I was in la-la land on the way to heaven, hell or whatever. They caught me in time, obviously or I wouldn’t be here, but it was evidently touch and go whether I would pull through or not.

‘Things changed after that and I had a doctor more sympathetic with what I was going through. Mum and Dad were so guilty about what had happened that they went the other way and fully supported me. There’s a lot more I can tell you, but that’ll do for now. So yes, I know what you are going through and it’s nice to know that there is someone else like me around. We can swap medical stories and support each other, if you like.’

‘I don’t know what to say. You’ve had an awful time.’

‘So have you.’

I smiled.

‘We are a right pair, aren’t we?’

‘Yup!’

‘Fancy sharing a bar of chocolate?’

‘You bet!’

After Megan left, I pondered about what she had told me. I wasn’t the only one that had been through hell. It comforted me that I now had someone who had experienced similar problems to me. I loved Hannah, but she had no real idea of what I had been through. In Megan, I had someone I could talk to about things to do with transitioning. I had found a new friend and that went some way to cheer me up.

Later that day, Dr Withers came in with a nurse.

‘Hello Emma, how are you feeling?’

‘A bit sore down below.’

‘Not surprising. Let me have a look.’

Nurse Petra lifted away the sheets and blankets so that Dr Withers could have a ferret around. I couldn’t see anything as the bedclothes were in the way.

‘We are just changing your dressings, it shouldn’t hurt. Everything looks nice and clean. We’ll have a chat when we’re finished ok?’

‘Yes.’

It did hurt a bit, but not much and soon they had finished.

The doctor came and sat down beside me and Nurse Petra gave me a nice smile and left us to it.

‘Right Emma, it’s all a bit swollen around there, but I’m happy with your progress. I don’t know what you’ve been told but you obviously want to know what’s going on.’

‘Yes please.’

It took a while to go to sleep that night, despite the sleeping pill that I had been given.

I tried to recall all that had been said to me by the doctor, but a lot of it had gone over my head, probably due to the aftereffects of the trauma of my attack.

However, several things got through my befuddled mind. Firstly, my testicles had been removed and the other damage down below had been cauterised and stitched. Neither of the testicles were cancerous, which was one hell of a relief.

Dr Withers had the results of the blood test and it confirmed what she thought when she examined me while I was out of it. I had what is considered to be a fairly mild form of partial androgen insensitivity syndrome or PAIS for short. I would be looking it up when I got out of hospital but to cut a long and complicated explanation short, it was a gender thing that was carried down from my mother, and that was what caused my lack of hair, breast growth and other signs of female physiology.

So, there was a reason why I looked different from normal boys and it wasn’t just to do with the pills I had been taking.

And that was my final thought as I had, by now, drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

I was in hospital for three more days and then I had to convalesce for a week more. I stayed with what I now considered to be my new family at Seashell cottage whilst I recuperated and that was much nicer than the hospital, which, even though private, was still a hospital. I was made a fuss of and that was nice for a while, but I just wanted things to go back to normal. It was nice having Hannah nearby when she wasn’t in college and my other new friends to come and visit me, especially Megan, who I had a strong connection with due to our shared experiences.

Uncle John told me that the boys had been charged with a string of offences including grievous bodily harm and were in youth detention custody awaiting trial. It wasn’t known yet whether they would plead guilty or not.

I avoided thinking about what had happened to me, it was all too painful. The subject was avoided by everyone and I was happy with that too.

To offset boredom, my tutor had me do some home studying through the college portal and I was grateful as it helped keep my mind off my troubles.

It was on the Wednesday that I received a visitor. I was in the sitting room, reading a textbook off my laptop when Auntie showed in Ivy, my cleaner, and went off to make some tea for both of us.

‘Well, there you are young Emma,’ said Ivy as she sat down opposite me.

‘Hello Ivy.’

‘I told Len that I would come and see you. He’s doing something with the delphiniums, whatever they are. You look peaky, not surprising really. Those little buggers that did for you should be strung up by the short and curlies. Len said that he would have kicked them into tomorrow, whatever that means. Mind you, when he heard about it, he’d had six pints down the pub and you know what men are like with the drink in them, all mouth and trousers.’

Just then Auntie came in with a tray. There was a teapot two cups and saucers, not the mugs that we usually had and a couple of slices of fruit cake.

The phone rang and Auntie went outside to answer it.

‘This cake looks nice,’ said Ivy taking a huge bite out of her slice.

I, of course being the dainty type, took a much smaller bite.

‘Mmm,’ said Ivy, showering crumbs, ‘very nice but not as good as mine. My Len says that I bake the best fruit cake in Cornwall. Anyway, You look as if you have been through the wars. How are you feeling?’

‘A bit sore but getting better.’

Ivy took another, much smaller bite of cake and I did the same. She was looking at me strangely.

She had a sip of tea.

‘I’ve given your cottage the once over, though it’s quite clean really. Dust gets everywhere though if you don’t keep on top of it.’

She polished off the cake in record time and had another slurp of tea.

I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t in a very talkative mood for some reason. To be honest, I just wanted to be left alone. Everyone was being so nice it was a bit claustrophobic and cloying.

She put her cup down on the saucer with a slight bang that made me jump slightly.

‘So, everyone is pussyfooting around you, not wanting to hurt you or even talk about what happened, right?’

I supposed she was probably right, especially after the initial shock of my attack. But I had not realised it.

‘I can see that I’m right. People don’t want to upset you, fair enough, but you need to talk about it. I’m just a cleaner, a very good one, mind you, but even I realise you need to get all this off your chest, see a psychiatrist or counsellor. My son Michael was in the army and he saw and experienced some awful things. He has PTSD and he sees a counsellor about it and it’s helped. You don’t have to bottle it up. Anyway, enough of that. Do you still like living here?’

I thought for a moment.

‘I think so.’

‘You don’t sound convincing. Is it about those thugs?’

I nodded. I was so worried that it might happen again.

‘Wherever you are, there’s always the chance that you might be attacked or have other problems. It’s a thing that all women have to live with. Those idiots were not locals, they came in to cause trouble. You left home because you didn’t get on with your parents?’

‘Yes.’

‘You can’t keep running away. You and young Hannah have got a thing going?’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Word gets around, not that I listen to gossip, of course. Look, there are people here that care for you. If you went away, you can’t say that that would be the case again. We villagers look after our own.’

‘But, I’m new here.’

‘You might be new, but you have ties of blood here. You’ve your grandma’s blood in your veins and she had lots of relatives that came from here. Hell, back in the past, like in many places like this, there was a lot of inbreeding going on, so we are probably related somewhere back in the past. What I’m saying is that you belong here. I won’t say any more, I have to go and do Mrs Slocombe’s place. That pussy of hers makes a lot of mess.’

She stood up and looked at me with piercing eyes.

‘Heed what I say. Get yourself together and move on like my boy Michael. If he can do it, then so can you. Enough said, bye.’

Without another word, she left me to my thoughts.

Ivy had brought it all back to me. I could see that I had been hiding my head in the sand. She had helped me to focus on things.

Auntie walked in.

‘Have a nice chat?’

I looked at her suspiciously.

‘I think that you had something to do with that chat, Auntie.’

She shrugged.

‘We’ve all been walking on eggshells around you but I thought that you needed to hear a few home truths. Ivy’s boy had been through a lot and bottled things up until he was persuaded to get some assistance. I thought that she might be able to help you.’

I thought for a moment.

‘I can’t keep running away, can I?’

‘You don’t need to run away. You are at home here and you have people around you who love and support you.’

I got up and gave her a big hug.

‘I don’t deserve you.’

‘Probably not, but who else would put up with your moods and tantrums!’

We both laughed and it was as if a heavy weight was gradually lifting from me.

Of course, it didn’t take long for me to get bored with sitting about. Walking was a bit of a sore experience, but with the painkillers that I had, it wasn’t too bad.

One evening, I felt well enough to go down to the quay with Hannah. It was something that I would have to do eventually and I had to put my fears behind me. Those boys were in custody somewhere and I hoped that I wouldn’t have any more “incidents”.

I put on my makeup carefully. I still had a bruise on the side of my face and my bottom lip was slightly swollen but thankfully, the split had healed to a small mark. One advantage of being young is that you heal quickly. I still had a dressing on down below, but it was a light one. The stitches were to be removed the following week, something to look forward to – maybe!

I put on a soft white t-shirt and blue denim pinafore dress, bought from my recent mega shopping trip to Penzance with Hannah. I hadn’t worn that combo before and I liked the look and comfort of them. I also put on a thin white cardi as it looked like it might be a bit cooler and breezy down by the sea in the evening.

Hannah held my hand as we walked down to the quay. A thing that would have been frowned upon just ten years ago, but now, didn’t seem to matter to most people. For the minority that do not like it, well that’s tough. I was almost beyond caring.

Was I becoming hardened? I hoped not, but I had to put a bit of a mental shell around me to cope.

I shrugged; I was too introspective for my own good.

My best girl was wearing a pink jumper over a t-shirt and light blue skinny jeans. I wished that I could wear them, but it wasn’t possible, maybe someday!

I was happy to get out and about again, but I had some reservations due to my previous experience. Safety-wise, I was still a bit cautious. For example, I would not go anywhere near a public toilet by myself, I had learned my lesson. It was a pity that I felt that way, but it was a natural response to what had happened to me.

Hannah said that she wouldn’t let me out of her sight as I would only get into trouble. I said that it might be a bit difficult in the public toilets though as it might get a bit cramped in the cubical!

The following week, I was to see a psychiatrist about my gender problems and also to discuss and pick apart the attack on me. I can’t say that I was looking forward to it, but it had to be done.

Despite my bravado at letting things get back to normal though, to say the least, going down to the quay made me jumpy. I was living on my nerves. I couldn’t understand how Hannah could possibly act normally.

Then I pulled myself together. I wouldn’t let one incident, however horrific, ruin my life. I started to relax when I saw that no one paid much attention to me.

You may think that I was full of contradictions about how I felt, one minute all bravado and the next, frightened of my own shadow.

That is probably true and I had to live with it. I wondered how much my raging hormones were affecting my mood swings and was that because I had stopped taking those dodgy pills? I had no idea, but I would broach the matter with the doctor or trick cyclist when I saw him or her.

Anyway, enough of that navel-gazing. We were, by now, reaching the quay. Hannah had been prattling on about something and I had just been grunting and nodding.

‘Emma.’

I nodded and said ‘Hmm.’

She stopped me and turned me towards her.

‘You haven’t heard a word I was saying.’

‘Yes I have.’

‘No you haven’t. What have I just been saying to you?’

‘Erm, you haven’t heard a word I was saying.’

‘Ha ha, very funny. Before that?’

‘Erm…’

‘Exactly. I know what you’re doing. You are with me now and you need to forget the past as much as you can. You can’t go around being worried about what might happen because of what happened the last time you were here. Those scum bags are locked up and won’t harm you. Now pull yourself together.’

‘Yes Mummy.’

‘You cow!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

With that, she tickled me and made me laugh. It was a good job that I was nearly healed and my stitches were firmly in place, otherwise, there would have been an embarrassing accident!

We met the twins and Megan by the lighthouse. There were hugs all around and we made our way to the coffee shop overlooking the beach by the side of the harbour.

The Sunset Café was a good name as, in the evening at sunset, you got wonderful views of the sun setting over the sea. Being mid-week and not quite the school holiday season, we were able to get a decent table overlooking the nearly white sandy beach and the blue sea beyond.

I had my usual hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Yummy or what?

The twins were coffee freaks and had Café Latte’s and Hannah decided on Coke, which had more ice than liquid.

We sat there talking about college, clothes, boys, girls, food and whatever when…

‘Hello girls.’

Two boys were standing there.

They were twins.

Soph and Steph stood up as one and grabbed one of the boys each and started to get intimate, kissing and hugging the boys. I think that they would go further if it wasn’t so public.

I raised an eyebrow at Hannah.

‘I know, weird or what?’

Soon the boys had grabbed a chair each, ordered their drinks and sat down with their respective girlfriends.

The boy twins were Robert and Harry, they weren’t quite as identical as the girls, but it was close. Harry had dyed his hair blond for some reason, maybe to stand out from his brother. Other than the hair, they were pretty well identical.

Harry sipped his coffee and looked at me.

‘So, you are the famous Emma. If I wasn’t already attached, I would make a play for you. You are drop-dead gorgeous.’

I felt my face go red.

Sophie smacked Harry around the head.

‘Ouch.’

‘Don’t touch, she’s got Hannah.’

‘Ouch, I can look and pay a pretty girl a compliment, can’t I?’

‘No.’

‘Spoilsport.’

I laughed. It was going to be interesting having those boys about.

It was a great evening and the boys were fun to be around. I had no idea how much they had been told about me, but I didn’t really care. They would have to accept me or not; their choice. However, I had a feeling that they would be cool about me, they were so laid back, they were virtually horizontal!

I won’t go into what was discussed, as it would be boring to outsiders and I’m not into doing the he said she said thing.

Mind you it was lovely sitting there with my friends, drinking and laughing and taking in the wonderful sunset. There were a few clouds in the sky and as the sun went down, the golden reflection on the clouds and water was a beautiful thing to see.

On the beach, there were still plenty of people about. Some were walking their dogs; others were still messing about in the water. There were groups that had barbeques on the beach and the smells wafted across making my mouth water!

I could kill for a burger!

I gradually relaxed more and more and was pleased that I had agreed to go down to the quay, despite my reservations.

That night in bed, as Hannah spooned into my back and her gentle breath was on my neck, I reflected on the day and was in a happy place.

We now shared the same bed. I suppose that it was inevitable really. Her mum and dad were okay with it as they could see that we were in love but not silly about doing things that they might frown on. It was inevitable at some stage that we would get even more intimate, but for now, we just shared the bed and had kisses and cuddles.

I think Auntie and Uncle knew the way things were heading and accepted it with understandable reservations.

Hannah’s bed was luckily a double one. She liked the room to move about evidently and that was nice. Sometimes it got hot a bit snuggling up together, especially on the warm Summer nights and we tended to spread ourselves out a bit, but come the morning, we were nearly always up close and personal.

We respected Hannah’s mum and dad and didn’t go too far, sexually. Anyway, until I had my boy equipment removed, I wouldn’t feel like a whole girl, if you know what I mean.

Before we finally went to sleep, Hannah had an idea.

‘How about you coming into the college with me?’

‘When?’ I asked yawning hugely.

‘If you’re not too sore, tomorrow. I have a lecture in the morning and you can sit in on it if you like. It’s in the lecture theatre. Then we can go around the college and I’ll show you where everything is. What do you think?’

‘I should be okay; the pains are nearly gone and I’m getting bored just sitting around. It’ll be nice to see the college. I only went to the office and café when I went for my interview. Are you sure I can sit in on the lecture?’

‘They encourage students from other courses to sit in. Gives them a more rounded education, they say, but more normally, it's because some students can’t be bothered to get up and it helps fill the empty spaces.’

I wasn’t sure if she was fibbing but I agreed to go with her.

The next morning, Auntie gave us a lift to the college. Normally Hannah took the bus, but Auntie was worried about me for some reason and she gave us a lift and told us to contact her when we wanted to come home.

Auntie was a bit of a fusspot about me and was worried that it might be too much for me to go to college so soon after the attack. I reassured her that I would be all right and anyway, I wasn’t on my own as I had Hannah with me.

I was careful about what to wear. What did the go-ahead young college girl wear?

Of course, I had to consult my wardrobe advisor.

All the helpful Hannah said was, ‘for God’s sake don’t go all Mary Poppins on me!’

As if!

Jeans and a top were a good choice but for me, the jeans option wasn’t possible yet. So I wore a pale white and blue stripey T-shirt and my go-to blue denim pinafore dress. I think that I looked okay and as I didn’t get any negative vibes and when I arrived, I saw other girls wearing similar clothes, so I think that I got away with my choices.

I still had to hide my facial bruise which was turning into a nice technicolour shade. Thank heavens for concealer! I didn’t go too mad with makeup, but I was now getting much better at the mysterious art and I even had encouraging noises from Hannah about the finished look.

As we drove up to Penzance 6th Form College, my heart flipped slightly. I did so hope that I would be able to get on well. It meant so much to me that I should get high enough grades for me to fulfil the dream of going to medical school.

We were dropped off at the main complex. It was a busy place with many people rushing around trying to get to classes or lectures on time.

I was feeling a bit insecure and would have loved to have held onto Hannah’s hand, but I had no idea what the PDA rules were there, so I just had to walk alongside her, albeit quite close. Mind you, as soon as I saw a few girls walking arm in arm, I grabbed onto her like some sort of lifebuoy or is that lifegirl?

Not much attention was paid to us, for which I was thankful. I had gotten over the possible dread of being “clocked”. I looked very much the same as other girls for which I was thankful. I was acutely aware that others in my position weren’t so lucky. I was wearing my lanyard ID pass, as were all the other students. Another sign that I “belonged”.

We had to hurry, as the lecture was to begin in about ten minutes. I just tagged along with Hannah as she swiftly rushed along countless corridors until we found the lecture theatre.
She pushed through some swing doors and found some seats at the back, out of the way. The lecture theatre was about two third full and Hannah said ‘Hi,’ and finger waived to several people.

I suppose there was about a 75 -25 split between the sexes, the girls being the majority. I had little time to take everything in before a man came in through the side entrance and made his way to the lectern.

He was a handsome man; I would say in his late forties, with blond hair and laser-like steely blue eyes. I could imagine that some of the girls might fancy him, but me being, effectively, a lesbian with just one love in my life, he left me a bit cold. As a teacher, he looked somewhat stern and I thought, at first glance, that he wasn’t one to stand any nonsense.

The noise quietened down immediately, and everyone seemed to sit up and he started in.

‘Good morning. I hope that you have looked at the notes regarding this section of your course. I will be asking questions later.’

There was some rustling of paper and Hannah, being Hannah, dropped her bag on the floor and various items spilt out. Of course, everyone looked, and I felt, by association, a bit like a deer in the headlights. Maybe coming here might not have been such a good idea for me after all…

Professor Cheshire, for that was his name, looked up at Hannah as she collected her things and then saw me and frowned.

‘Ah, Ms Anthony, glad that you are with us. Please see me after the lecture. Now, if you are all settled, we shall begin.’

Of course, being all brave I had sunk down in my seat, hoping that I wouldn’t be noticed, but those eyes had lingered on me for a moment too long, and I felt, to say the least, a bit uncomfortable.

‘The primary objective of nutrition,’ said the professor, ‘is to acquire both energy and carbon, which are essential for sustaining cellular processes and facilitating growth and repair. Different organisms employ various methods to obtain these vital components…’

And so it went on. He had a way with him that captivated his audience and after a while, I forgot about the slight upset caused by Hannah’s bag malfunction and I actually enjoyed myself. He used PowerPoint extensively and charts, images, infographics, graphs, icons, diagrams, etc, making the overall presentation a gripping visual feast.

All in all, I enjoyed myself and felt that I would get to grips with the course, which would, luckily from part of my studies. I wasn’t sure if I would have Professor Cheshire as a course tutor but hoped that I would.

After the lecture finished, there was a rush to the doors. Hannah and I went down to the front where the prof was collecting up his things.

He looked up as we approached. I hung back a bit.

‘Ah, Ms Anthony, your last piece of work submitted was two days late. Please make sure that you are on time in future.’

He turned to me with those steely blue eyes.

‘I don’t recognise you…Ms?

‘Penhaligon, Emma Penhaligon.’

I could see by the look on his face that he recognised my name. He looked at me closely and seemed to be surprised for some reason.

I was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable.

‘Ah yes, I have heard all about you. I understand that you will be one of my pupils for a few subjects. What are your plans for the future?’

‘I…I want to go to medical school.’

He raised his eyebrows.

‘Indeed, it means seven years of hard work if you are accepted. It can be a difficult career for anyone. Let’s hope that you are up to it. Anyway, I must be off. I look forward to working with you, Ms Penhaligon.’

Without another word, he was off.

When he left, Hannah looked at me.

‘What was that all about?’ she said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I might not be that sensitive about feelings and atmosphere, but that was weird.’

We sat down on the stage where the podium was.

‘This is going to be difficult.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m very sensitive to what others see in me, it’s part of who I am. He doesn’t like me. He knows that I’m trans. I think that he’s surprised that I look so natural as a girl and that pop about it can be a difficult career for anyone, that anyone meant someone like me.’

‘How can you say that? He’s only spoken a few words to you.’

‘He knows about me and my situation. I suppose all my tutors would know about my circumstances. I just hope that his hang-ups won’t affect the way he teaches me or any of the other teachers either.’

Hannah looked a bit shocked.

‘You must be making a mistake. I didn’t get that vibe from him.’

I looked at her. I didn’t think that she really understood.

‘I hope that I’m wrong Hannah. You weren’t looking at him when he realised who I was. You did get that something was going on?’

She thought for a moment.

‘I do know that he has his favourites and I’m not one of them. I do know for a fact that some others submit their work late and not all of them get told off about it.’

‘I suppose that I’ll just have to wait and see if he treats me like everyone else or not. One thing though.’

‘What?’

‘I’ve been through hell and back and I’m not about to roll over and play dead. If he does have a problem with me, then I’ll make a complaint. There is no way that I let anyone interfere with my career prospects.’

‘That a girl!’

We both giggled.

Just then I received a text.
Hi Emma, Understand that you are on campus. Time for a quick chat at 11? If so come to room 301. Olivia Hatcher.

I showed the text to Hannah.

‘I wonder how she knew you were here?’

I waved the ID pass at her.

‘Hmm, big brother is watching?’

‘Or sister,’

Look, I’ll go into the café whilst you see your tutor. We have what, half an hour? I’ll show you around and then park you outside her room.’

‘Sounds like a good idea.’

‘I do have them sometimes, you know.’

At 10.55 I was outside room 301, glancing at my watch. I had a thing about timekeeping, something that didn’t trouble Hannah, who would be late for her own funeral.

She had gone off to the cafeteria leaving me to my fate.

Hanna had shown me around the campus which was modern with plenty of newish glass-fronted buildings. Outside was a full-sized football pitch and several tennis courts. That was interesting as I had wondered whether they had a tennis court and it turned out that they had more. There was also a synthetic running track and an indoor swimming pool. They obviously liked their sports at the college. There was also a library and college shop with inflated prices. Still, it was handy for essentials like Coke and chocolate bars.

The college looked like a place where I could enjoy my studies and I hoped that I would fit in well. Only time would tell if that was the case.

At 11 o’clock sharp, I knocked on the door.

‘Come in.’

A lady was sitting behind a desk, she had a computer monitor to the side of her and a sheaf of papers in front of her.

‘Ah, Emma is it?’ she said, smiling.

Olivia Hatcher was, I suppose in her late thirties. She had short brown hair, styled in a bob like mine. She was quite pretty, she was wearing a loose flowery dress, not my style but it seemed to suit her.

‘Sit down Emma.’

I sat down opposite her.

‘You found me okay then?’

‘Yes, my friend Hannah brought me here.’

‘Hannah?’

‘Yes, Hannah Anthony.’

‘Oh yes, I have her for a few periods. Bright girl.’

‘Is she? I mean, she is.'

I could feel my face go red. My comment was uncalled for. I knew that my Hannah was clever. I think that I was nervous.

She laughed. It was a nice laugh.

‘Yes, she is and a force of nature I think.’

I smiled. Not wanting to put my foot in my mouth again.

‘Right Emma. I’m sorry to hear about the attack on you. How are you feeling?’

‘Much better thanks.’

‘They caught those boys?’

‘Yes, they’re in custody somewhere. They weren’t allowed out on bail evidently due to the severity of the charges and also as they are a flight risk.’

She picked up a paper, scanned it a bit and then looked at me.

‘It’s good that they are locked away. We don’t need people like that around here. Enough of that. I might say something that I could regret. Back to you. How much chance have you had to read some of the coursework that I’ve sent you?’

‘Not as much as I like, because of all that has happened but enough to know that I think that I should be okay with it.’

‘You want to go to medical school, I understand?’

‘Yes or if I don’t get the grades, I would go in for nursing.’

‘Like Hannah?’

‘Yes.’

‘Judging from what I have heard, you are very bright and I think that you should do well. I can see no reason why we can’t get you the grades needed to go to medical school, as long as you apply yourself as I am sure you will.’

‘Thanks, I hope so.’

‘I have received details of your work from your old school. They are not aware that you have changed your name and consider yourself to be a girl. That is private as far as we are concerned and we would never betray a confidence.’

‘Thanks, I was worried that they might give the game away and tell my parents.’

‘I suppose they could tell your parents that we have asked for your educational records, but I understand that your solicitor has spoken to them and told them about your situation regarding the problems that you have had at home and they have given assurances that your privacy will be respected.’

‘That’s good,’

‘You aren’t the first person to have this type of problem and schools are aware that sometimes it’s safer to withhold information that might be detrimental to a student.’

We spoke a bit more about what I would be doing. As previously mentioned, I would start formal studies for the next term and in the meantime, I would do some work from home and I could go to college and attend some lectures to get the feel of things and set me up for the future. As I had access to the college portal, I would be able to study the current coursework and also get help from Miss Hatcher. All in all, it looked good to me.

The meeting was coming to a close. Miss Hatcher had a lecture to prepare for.

‘Well Emma, I’m glad that I have been able to meet you at last. I think that you are going to do well. Being trans means that you may have a few issues here, but we are, as a college, very supportive and I think I can say that there are two other girls and a boy here that are in a similar position to you. If you have any issues or concerns, you must come and tell me. We will not tolerate any discrimination here.’

‘That’s good to know,’ I said standing up and shaking her hand.

‘I’ll email you some things for you to look at, she said. ‘By the way, we still use Microsoft Teams for some lectures but that is being phased out to a certain extent now that Covid isn’t such an issue. I’ll send you schedules for some lectures that might be of interest to you. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?’

I hesitated.

‘What?’

‘Will I be having much contact with Professor Cheshire?’

‘Some, why?’

‘Nothing. I erm, went to one of his lectures earlier.’

‘I see, he’s a very good lecturer and demands a lot from his students. I’m sure that you will benefit from his knowledge.’

‘I hope so.’

‘Right, I must rush. Nice to see you and don’t forget, if you have any problems or issues, let me know.’

I made my way out in her wake and I smiled as she was literally running down the corridor. Quite a comical sight!

As I made my way to the cafeteria, I thought about my meeting with her. She seemed like a nice lady and was very supportive. I wasn’t so sure about Professor Cheshire though; there was something about him…

Hannah was sitting over in the corner of the cafeteria and I saw that Megan was with her. They were talking animatedly about something and giggling. There were quite a few other students there as I made my way over to their table and it was quite noisy.

I wondered how many other students I might be friends with. I’m a bit shy and found it difficult to make friends. I was lucky to have the ones I had, mainly due to the life force that was Hannah.

On seeing me, Megan got up and hugged me. It was nice. I wasn’t quite used to the huggy-feely thing that girls do yet.

'Hi Emma, said Hannah as I sat down. ‘How did you get on?’

‘Fine, I like her.’

‘Yea, she’s cool.’

I turned to Megan.

‘No classes?’

‘Just finished. I have some work to do at home later though.’

‘What are you studying for?’

‘Maths, English, history, I want to be a teacher, so I would like to go for a Batchelor of Arts degree at uni.’

‘That’s nice; good luck with that.’

‘Thanks; so girls, what are you doing now?’

‘Well, I said, ‘I want a Coke first then, I suppose, back home to do a bit of studying.’

Hannah looked shocked.

‘What did I say earlier?’

‘You said lots of things, some not sensible.’ I replied, my tongue firmly in my cheek.

‘Cheap remark there, very cheap, I expected better. No, remember when I looked in our shared closet and I remarked that you didn’t, like, have enough clothes?’

‘Yes.’

‘Where are we?’

‘In college.’

‘Yes, yes, but we are in Penzance, so what does that mean?’

‘That we’re not at home?’

‘Tell her Megan,’ sighed Hannah.

‘I think what your girlfriend is saying, not very subtly, is that she wants to go clothes shopping with you.’

‘I don’t have any money to spend on clothes and anyway, I have just bought loads.’

‘You’ve just scratched the surface, little one. You have a lot to learn and I have made it a mission in my life to help you.’

‘You mean help yourself.’

‘What do you mean.’

‘If, and I say if we go shopping, will it be just for me?’

Hannah looked at me as if I was mad. Megan just sat there; arms folded with a grin on her face.

‘Well,’ said Hannah, ‘it would be rude not to join you and maybe buy myself a few bits and pieces.’

‘Thought so,’ I said smugly.

‘So, will you?’ said Hannah.

‘Will I what?’

‘Go shopping?’

‘When?’

‘Now.’

‘Why?’

I could see that she was about to blow a gasket, so I let her off the hook.

‘Megan,’ I said, ‘do you fancy coming with us?’

‘To do what?’

‘Clothes shop.’

‘Why.’

‘Because if you don’t come, I may not be able to control this one.’ I replied pointing at Hannah.

‘Okay, I’ll come. You two make a good comedy act and I like a laugh.’

‘I am here you know,’ exclaimed Hannah.

‘Are you?’ said Megan and me together.

So we went and did some clothes shopping. To be honest, I didn’t think that I needed much but Hannah, being Hannah, didn’t agree. Megan helped me rein Hannah in a bit and my purchases weren’t too major, just a few tops and skirts and a couple of pairs of jeans and capri’s for when I was well enough down below to allow me to wear them.

Megan bought a few items including a very pretty print dress and, of course, Hannah went overboard and tried to buy everything that wasn’t tied down. That was until I mentioned that her dad and mum might go ballistic if she went too mad with her spending.

‘Buy it if you like, but I’ll go next door to my place while you tell them the price of it. I don’t want to be in the same cottage as you when that happens.’

‘You’re beginning to sound like them,’ she sulkily claimed as she put down a dress that cost more than all the items that I had bought.

‘That’s a good girl,’ I replied, smiling at the look on her face.

‘But you’re my girlfriend. You should stick by me through thick and thin.’

‘Well, I could tell them that I tried to stop you from buying it.’

‘You wouldn’t!’

‘I would. It would be my duty to tell them. They’ve been so kind to me and they said that I am their surrogate child.’

‘Snitch!’

‘That’s me,’ I replied smugly as Megan, for some reason started giggling.

Of course, this was all tongue-in-cheek. Hannah liked to press everyone’s buttons to see their reactions. I was beginning to get the measure of her. She had no intention of buying the dress, she just wanted to see our reaction.

She shrugged in the end.

‘I think that you are getting to know me far too well, young Emma.’

‘I’m not that much younger than you.’

‘That’s beside the point. I am more worldly and knowledgeable than you.’

She looked smug.

‘Not according to your mum...’

‘That’s beside the point.’

A bit later, we were all picked up by Auntie who frowned at the number of bags we were carrying.

‘What?’ said Hannah.

‘I hope that none of these bags are yours?’

‘Only two.’

Auntie sighed for some reason and set off home.

I had a feeling that Auntie sighed a lot where Hannah was concerned.

We dropped Megan off and continued home. When we arrived, I said that I wanted to go, next door to check on things. Hannah wanted to come with me, but Auntie told her that she needed to put the clothes that she had bought away and also take my things up to the bedroom.

With a certain amount of grumbling, she did as she was told.

I said goodbye to them both and left them to it as I went next door to my cottage.

I hadn’t been there for a few days and wanted a bit of time to myself. Lately, what with everything going on around me, I hadn’t had much time for myself. I loved being around my new family, but sometimes it was nice to get away from it all and do my own thing.

I let myself in and noticed that it was all a bit musty, so the first thing that I did was to open up some windows and the French doors leading out to the garden.

Talking about the garden, as soon as I opened the French doors, the ducks came out from the back of one of the bushes and waddled towards me. I think that they were after food, but I hadn’t any to give them.

After looking disappointed, waiting for something, anything that they could eat and getting nothing, they waddled off to the pond and did their circling around thing, whilst quacking loudly.

Feeling a bit guilty about not supplying food for my ducks, I went back inside to the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge.

It was still a bit hot and musty in the cottage, so I went upstairs and opened a few windows, hoping for some sort of through-draft, although there wasn’t much wind about.

After that, I went downstairs, powered up my laptop and checked my emails.
Nothing much except one from Nigeria, asking me for my bank accounts details so that they could send me a million pounds.

Yea, that was going to happen!

I sent it packing into my junk mail.

I looked at the college portal website and I noticed that I had a few messages in there.

One was from my tutor; she had sent me links to even more things to study. Something to look forward to – maybe!

The other was from a student named Olivia.

I opened it.

Hi Emma,
I am the student rep and when you have time, we need to talk about student activities and clubs that you might want to get involved in. Let me know when you are next in college and we’ll meet up.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Olivia.

That could be interesting as I think that they had a tennis club or were affiliated with one, judging by the number of tennis courts, they should have one!

I decided to deal with it later.

I was feeling a bit sticky from the heat, so I went upstairs and had a quick shower. After removing my clothes, I carefully pulled down my control panties. These were used to hold the now small pad dressing I had to protect what was left of what my dear brother used to call my crown jewels. As jewels go, the area was a bit tarnished now. Moving aside my tiny penis, I had a look to see how things were going down there.

The jagged tear in my scrotum had healed very well and I didn’t have any pain from the site and there was no blood on the pad. All good signs!

I would be having the stitches removed in the next few days and was glad about that as the area was getting a bit itchy. Perfectly natural according to the doctors and a sign that I was healing.

I just wished that I was old enough to have the gender confirmation surgery needed to make me happy.

I sighed and went to have my shower.

I felt much fresher after the shower and I got dressed in a lemon-coloured sun dress; nice and cool! I only had a few clothes in my cottage as most of my things had been transferred to Hannah’s.

I went over to the dressing table to put on some makeup but realised that most of my magic potions and lotion were next door.

I decided to go and see what Hannah was doing, so I closed the windows and locked the door and went next door.

I used my key for the first time and it felt funny letting myself into the cottage.

I heard noises from the kitchen and went in.

Hannah was there with Nutty Dog and there was a tug-of-war going on between them.
After a few moments, Charlie pulled the rope from Hannah’s hand and ran off with his prize looking very pleased with himself!

Hannah looked at her fingers.

‘I’ve broken a nail now. I hate that.’

‘Never mind,’ I said, ‘you’ve got several more.’

‘Ha ha, very funny.’

She looked at me for the first time and smiled.

‘You look edible.’

‘Thanks, I think.’

‘Look, I had a text from the goils.’

‘You’re talking funny; Goils?’

‘That’s how Americans speak. I’m going for a mid-Atlantic accent.’

‘Sounds more like a mid-Wales accent to me.’

She sighed and reverted to her more normal Cornish clotted cream-type accent that I loved but sometimes didn’t understand.

‘Parasite.’

‘Don’t you mean philistine?’

‘Probably, Miss Smarty-pants. Anyway, the girls asked if we wanted to meet up with them down at the quay I said yes and was about to text you about it when you turned up.’

‘You were playing with Charlie.’

‘Well, technically yes, but after that, I was going to text you.’

‘So Charlie is more important than me?’

‘Yes…no, oh don’t mess with my head Emma.’

I smiled.

I did love pressing her buttons.

We met the others by the lighthouse, nothing new there!

We did the hug thing, very touchy-feely now. Girls can do that, but boys, could you imagine it?

Anyway, we made our way along the quay to the café where I had a coke, as it was just too hot for hot chocolate.

‘Maybe later.’ I thought.

The others had cold drinks too and as we sat there and watched the world go by, I thought back to the last time I was at the quay and what had happened to me.

I suppose it was natural to think of that nasty, dark time.

The others were talking about the usual things like clothes/ boys/girls and the latest scandal involving some of the students at the college.

How much of it was true, I didn’t know, but it was nice just being there with my friends and I gradually relaxed and started to forget the past for just a little while.

The others didn’t mention what had happened. I think that there was some sort of pact to keep the subject off of the table.

Eventually, we finished our drinks and decided to have a walk along the beach.

I took off my sandals and loved the feeling of the warm sand beneath my feet and between my toes. As we walked along the shore, I felt myself relax even more. I loved the way the wind moved my dress against my bare legs, the thin material helping to keep me cool and comfortable.

The others started mucking about like kids, chasing each other and laughing. I was quite content to walk along with the gentle warm waves lapping over my feet.

I looked forward to a time when I could run about again and feel like a kid. I was nearly there. I was healing quite nicely now and I even thought about when I could go running again. Maybe I could persuade one or more of the girls to go running with me. I suppose I was a bit reluctant to run by myself, for obvious reasons.

There were quite a few people on the beach, being one of the few beaches in Cornwall that didn’t ban dogs. To be honest, many dog owners were more responsible than some of the other beach users who left litter about or played music so loudly that it spoilt things for others…

I sighed.

To me, I was beginning to sound like a bit of a Grinch. I would have to put my positive panties on and stop all this doom, gloom and negative thoughts. I was lucky to be alive, with friends who cared for me and a new family that in a few weeks loved me more than a lifetime living with my old parents.

This was all a bit like a rerun of my emotions, sometimes up and sometimes down and occasionally on an even keel. Was it all to do with my hormones? I had no idea. I just wanted things to be normal, whatever that was.

The girls came running back to me, all giggling and looking red in the face due to their exertions.

I, of course, looked calm and collected.

‘Had a nice play children?’ I asked haughtily, ‘and do you want Mummy to get you buckets and spades and maybe if you are good, a lollypop each?’

There was a certain amount of unladylike swearing and then they all scooped up some seawater and splashed me, making me scream and run away.

After a few minutes, they caught up with me, laughing their heads off, whilst I was giggling uncontrollably. We calmed down a bit and I realised that I was soaked to the skin. It was lucky that my stitches hadn’t burst. Blood on my lemon dress wouldn’t have looked very nice. I had forgotten about not exerting myself in my eagerness to get away from my tormentors. Still, it was a good sign that I wasn’t going to bleed to death after their antics.

We sat on the sand as my dress dried in the still hot sunshine. I hoped that it wouldn’t stain as it was one of my favourites. Before coming down I had slapped on some factor hundred or whatever waterproof sunscreen, so I wasn’t about to go all red and horrible, but it was quite hot out there with the sun’s rays bouncing off the nearly white sand.

We sat there for a long time talking about this, that and maybe the other, but eventually, the sun started to head towards the horizon and the wind was coming up. I was starting to get goosebumps and we all decided to go to our various homes. Luckily, my dress had dried and apart from a few tide marks, which Hannah, the self-proclaimed expert, said should come out in the wash, it should be okay.

After hugs on the quay, we left our friends and made our way back home.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Where was home?

I suppose I now thought that Seashell Cottage was my home. Although, effectively, I had two homes, Rainbow Cottage, left to me by my wonderful granny and Seashell Cottage, where I was staying with the people I considered to be my new, true family which, of course, included my lovely girlfriend Hannah.

I spent most of my time at Seashell Cottage. Mind you, it was nice to have a sort of a bolt-hole, in case I needed one and it was only next door!

A few days later, I found myself back at the hospital to have my stitches out. I was wearing a pale pink summer dress as it was easy to get on and off at the hospital and it was another baking hot day with no possibility of rain, if you believed what the man on the weather forecast said.

We only waited a few minutes in a nearly empty reception area before we were called into the examination room. A cheerful nurse called Connie did the dirty deed which I thought would hurt, but luckily didn’t, especially after I was told to relax. To be honest, I was a bit squeamish about the whole thing and me wanting to be a doctor too!

I sighed with relief when it was over and was pleased that I could now wear nicer panties without the nappy-like pad. Of course, I had brought a nice soft pair of panties with me and changed into them.

I was grateful that Auntie came with me, which was nice as I wanted her to be around for later that day.

We went into Penzance town centre and had a look around, for once not in the shopping sense. I enjoy shopping as a girl, but I didn’t need to buy anything at that moment and anyway, Hannah would have had a strop if we bought anything without her.

After going into a coffee shop, where I had a hot chocolate whilst Auntie had a latte, we then had a look around the pretty Morrab Gardens and then walked to the busy harbour. There was a ship moored alongside the quay at the far end that was going to the Scilly Isles. I fancied that and wondered if the girls and I could go on a trip there, if they were up for it, during the holidays. The islands are supposed to be very pretty.

Another reason for being in Penzance was that I was going to see a doctor for a gender assessment; something I needed to move things forward. Doctor Marshal was a clinical psychiatrist specialising in gender matters and held a clinic at the hospital one day every two weeks. She was mainly based in Exeter and I had been lucky enough to get a private appointment on the same day that I had my stitches removed, a day late to coincide with her clinic.

I did wonder how long I would have waited to see a specialist if I hadn’t gone private and felt very lucky that I wasn’t in that position.

We had a quick snack lunch at The Yacht Inn and then we made our way back to the hospital for my appointment at 2 pm.

We sat in the reception for a few minutes with me feeling a bit nervous and Auntie reading an old magazine. There were a few other people in reception and wondered what they were there for. I was the youngest there, I would say that the other people didn’t look like they had the same issues as me but what do I know?

A lady in a smart business suit came in through a side door and came straight over to us.

‘Emma and Mrs Anthony?’ she asked us.

‘Yes,’ I replied as Auntie and I stood up.

She shook both our hands.

‘Hi, I’m Doctor Marshall, would you like to come this way?’

We followed her through the door and along a short corridor and into a room that didn’t look very medical. In fact, it was a cheerful room with several comfortable chairs, a few sofas and nice flowery paintings on the walls.

‘Let’s sit down, shall we? Oh first, would you like a drink? We have hot and cold drinks.’

I had cola, Auntie an orange juice and the doctor, mineral water.

Soon we settled down.

Doctor Marshall looked at a file of papers and then put them down beside her.

‘Right Emma, I think that I’m up to date regarding your medical situation. First, I have to ask if you are okay with your aunt being here as some of the things we are going to talk about are a bit sensitive.’

‘I can go if you like,’ said Auntie beginning to get up.

‘No Auntie, please stay, if that’s all right with you doctor.’

‘Of course it is. I have to ask,’ she said looking apologetically at Auntie.

Auntie smiled and nodded and settled back in her seat.

‘Right Emma, Firstly, I understand that you were attacked by two boys. I have the details but can you tell me what happened? By the way, I’m recording this as I will need to look back on this meeting when writing up my notes. Is that all right with you?’

‘Yes, that’s fine,’ I replied.

I told her about the attack. I won’t go over again what I said but, as usual, I was a bit tearful at recalling that terrible time. I made good use of the box of tissues provided.

After I pulled myself together, the doctor turned to my gender issues and we talked at length about my past, present and possible future.

At length, she finished the questioning which, although it was somewhat intense in nature, wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be.

She finished writing down a few notes and then turned back to me.

‘Okay, I think that I have everything I need but one final question, how do you feel about your family?’

‘My old one or my new one?’

She smiled.

‘I think I can tell how you feel about what you call your new family. I meant your old one.’

I looked at Auntie and she smiled encouragingly.

‘I hate them. They put me through hell. I don’t swear, well not much anyway, but I could use a few choice ones about them. They never showed me any love or affection. In my opinion, my brother and sister were the favourites and I was just what they considered to be a spare, unwanted child, neither needed nor wanted. I was never beaten, thank God, but you don’t need to be hit to feel pain. When I was smaller, my sister had a book that I borrowed from her room without her knowing and I read it by torchlight under my bed covers. It was Cinderella, you know, the one where Cinders was abused by her mother and sisters? I related to Cinders and I loved the happy ending. I just wanted to have a happy ending too, but that wasn’t possible with my old family.’

I told her a few more things that I have already mentioned in this memoir, so I won’t go over old ground, but she could see the reasons why I wanted nothing to do with my old life.

After I had finished, I felt mentally exhausted but it was nice to get a few things off my chest.

‘Well Emma, I can see that you have several issues and it’s plain to me that you are ready to move on to a new life as a girl. Your medical issues are interesting, to say the least, and the diagnosis regarding your PAIS confirms a few things. You present as a very pretty girl and I can see from what you have said and your medical history that you should be considered as a girl rather than a boy.

‘However, we need to have several meetings as I am not happy about the nightmares and other issues that you have and we need to work through that. Being only sixteen, there are certain things that you cannot do, like having all the surgery that you want or being able to get a gender recognition certificate. The reason for this is that the law thinks that you may not be adult enough to make such a decision. I can see from your grimace that you don’t agree with that, but that is the way it is and we have to follow the rules.’

‘I know, but I’ve lived a lie for so long, I just want to be a normal girl and be recognised as one.’

‘We’ll do everything we can to help you with that. Anyway, ring my secretary tomorrow to make another appointment in two weeks’ time.’

We all stood up and we said our goodbyes.

We made our way to Auntie’s car. I was a bit quiet and Auntie noticed.

‘So,’ she said after we got into the car, ‘how do you think it went?’

‘Okay, I suppose, but I just wish I was eighteen and then I can get things done.’

I was back in my downer mode. A little while ago, I was almost as high as a kite. I hated these mood swings.

‘Don’t wish your life away Emma. You have only just started living as a girl, in public anyway. I know that you consider yourself to be a girl, but you haven’t had a lifetime of living as one. You have been leading a dual life, boy-girl wise all your life. In your head, you have always been a girl, but you have had to live your life as a boy and hide your feminine feelings. Now you are getting your head around the reality of the situation and you need to slow down and learn the ropes of living as a girl. That takes time, but you have that now and you should just enjoy the ride.’

As she spoke her words, I gradually calmed down.

‘Sorry Auntie, speaking with the doctor brought back some memories I wanted to forget. I just want to move on and forget a lot of my past.’

‘I know honey. Give it time. You’ve been through a lot in a short space of time. let’s go home.’

And that is what we did. When we reached home, I went up to the room that I now called my study and for lack of anything better to do, I did do some studying but it was hard to concentrate what with everything that happened that day.

Eventually, I got stuck in and temporarily forgot my problems as I delved deeper into my studies.

Nothing much happened for the next few days and I was kind of pleased about that as I just wanted to get back to what was normal, or as normal as I could be anyway. The only thing that was worrying me was those boys that harmed me were about to appear in youth court but I didn’t know what day.

One afternoon, I was out in the garden throwing a ball for Nutty Charlie, who, unlike normal dogs, didn’t grasp the concept that when you throw him a ball, the idea is for him to fetch it and bring it back.

He ran for the ball, picked it up, turned around and with his tail going like a windmill, he looked at me to find out what he should do.

‘Come on Charlie, that’s a good boy, bring it back now!’

Instead of doing what he was told, he dropped the ball and went over to the bushes and did the sniffing thing and then a long and leisurely widdle.

I sighed.

He was hopeless.

‘Hi Emma; don’t bother with him, as a retriever, he is pretty useless.’

“Hi Uncle John.’

‘Hi yourself. Can I have a word?’

He wasn’t in uniform but in a suit. He was a detective and so didn’t always wear his uniform, although I thought that he looked kind of cool in it.

We went over and sat on a bench. I was wearing jeans now, as I no longer had pain issues down below and I fancied a change. Although it was still quite warm and I had been toying with the idea of changing into something cooler and anyway, I liked the freedom of skirts.

‘Emma, those boys that hurt you have been to youth court today. We didn’t tell you as we didn’t want to worry you and anyway, we expected it to only be a brief appearance to find out what their plea would be and also whether they would be held in youth custody.’

My heart sank, I had a feeling that there was something I wouldn’t want to hear.

‘Well, they appeared and they pleaded not guilty on the grounds that you led them on was taunting them, also, you slapped that character Fred on the face and he only reacted to your hitting him...’

‘What!’

‘Yes, I know, don’t shoot the messenger. Their explanation is stupid and the facts are with you. Why their legal people ever thought that they would get away with that defence is mind-boggling, but there it is. Because of their history, the severity of the charges and possible flight risk, they are still being held and won’t be released if and until the case comes to trial.’

‘Will I have to appear?’

He looked at me sadly and nodded.

‘Yes, almost certainly.’

This was a nightmare. I just wanted it to be over and not hanging over my head like this.

‘You aren’t alone in this; you have us all behind you. Hannah and your friends witnessed what happened and you have nothing to worry about. Scum like those two boys like to have their moment in court for some weird reason. However, I have seen this sort of thing before. If their solicitor is worth his or her salt, they will point out the facts of life to them. That is, if they don’t plead guilty in the eyes of the evidence, they could get a longer sentence.’

After a few more minutes of reassuring talk, Uncle left me to myself and I sat there going over and over what might happen.

I wasn’t left alone for long.

‘Hi Emma, I just heard, what a bummer.’

I looked up and there was Hannah, looking a bit concerned. I shrugged, not having much to say on the subject.

‘Never mind them, they’ll get like, what’s coming to them.

‘Probably.’ I replied flatly.

She looked at me sitting there and feeling sorry for myself.

‘Right, we need to take your mind off your problems. We are going into Penzance to get your hair sorted out. It’s the only thing that bothers me about you. All your life your hair has been in like, boy mode. You’ve done your best with what you’ve got but let's face it, you need urgent professional treatment.’

To be honest, my hair had been bothering me for a long time and I thought that doing something, anything would be preferable to sitting there, feeling sorry for myself.

‘Ok,’ I said, ‘Let’s do it.’

She smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

‘There’s a good girl!’

Once again, somehow Hannah persuaded Auntie Claire to give us a lift into town. Apart from mumbling something about being a taxi service, she agreed to do it, only because she intended to go shopping anyway.

We were dropped off close to the High Street. Hannah had already phoned up Hair Today… for an urgent appointment and luckily they had a spot for me.

Luckily? Hmm, I wasn’t too sure.

As a child, I was often dragged to the local hairdressers by my mum. She and Sister Dear regularly went there for haircuts and styling. My sister Anne loved going even though, with her, it was mainly just a cut and a blow-dry. Mum, liked to have her hair coloured even blonder than it was, almost peroxide blond Marylyn Monroe-type colour.

I just sat there and waited and waited, reading one of the few old comics there amongst the equally old fashion magazines.

I never liked the strong smells from the old ladies who continued to like having a perm. It was industrial-strength stuff that certainly cleared the sinuses!

Of course, me being a closet girl, I longed to have my hair cut like my sister. I tended to keep it as long as I could get away with it. Sometimes one of the girls in the salon actually cut it for me and I had to create a bit of a scene if she wanted to cut it too short. Mum, of course, couldn’t care less about me and didn’t cause too much fuss about it and just told the girl to tidy my hair up a bit.

Anyway, this would be the first time that I had ever gone into a salon dressed as a girl and I had a few collywobbles.

Would they “clock” me? Would I be laughed at and thrown out for pretending to be a girl?

Hannah near enough pushed me through the entrance of Hair Today… telling me not to be a silly moo.

It was different from my mum’s salon. It was more modern with loads of chrome, soft furnishings and subtle lighting. There was muted muzak playing in the background and there were no eyewatering smells of perm treatments or instruments of torture.

‘Hi Hann, nice to see you again,’ said the perky receptionist and then looking at me she said, ‘Emma?’

I nodded.

‘Would you both take a seat? Sharon won’t be long.’

We sat down and I looked at Hannah.

‘Is this where you normally come?’ I whispered.

‘Yes, they’re, like cool and do a good job.’

‘Are you having a cut?’

‘Nah, just my nails.’

‘What’s wrong with them?’

‘Nothing, just fancy a change. Need some gels.’

I looked at my nails and grimaced. I had put on some red polish but my nails were short and not in very good condition as I had a tendency, before embracing girlhood, of biting them. They had some length, but they were a bit uneven despite my best efforts and didn’t look very pretty to my jaundiced eye.

‘Will I have time to get my nails seen too?’

‘Spoken like the true girl you are. Yes, when I spoke to the salon, it was for you to have the works, including nails.’

I looked more closely at my nails and wondered if they were beyond repair.

‘They can work wonders here,’ said Hannah, ‘Don’t worry, they’ll sort you out.’

I hoped so.

A lady in a tabard came over.

‘Hi Hannah, Pippa won’t be a minute.’

She turned to me.

‘Emma?’

‘Yes, that’s me.’

‘Hi, I’m Sharon. Would you like to come this way?’

Hannah smiled encouragingly as I followed the woman. She was, I suppose, in her thirties, tall and thin with a lovely well made up face. I wished I could apply makeup like that. I was an amateur at best.

‘Right Emma,’ she said as we walked over to a chair, ‘I understand that this is your first time?’

‘Yes.’

‘Strict parents?’

I nodded, wondering what Hannah had told her.

She sighed.

‘You’re not the first and won’t be the last. Anyway, I’ll sort you out. Now, take a seat and I’ll have a look at what we have to work with.’

I sat down and before I knew I, my clothes were covered with a voluminous black cape, leaving only my neck and head free.

Looking at the mirror, I could see my reflection and the slight fear on my face.

Sharon started playing with my hair, pulling it this and that way with a slight frown on her face.

‘Who cut your hair last? Was it a sheep shearer?’

‘Erm…’

She laughed.

‘Only joking, mind you, the way it's been cut is a bit like a boy’s cut, weird that. Anyway, it’s a bit too short for my liking. How long would you like your hair?’

I hadn’t really thought about it much lately, but I had always yearned to have really long hair down to my shoulders, a bit like Hannah, I suppose. But I knew that it would take years to grow out.

‘Much longer, down to my shoulders, but that’s got to wait for years probably.’

‘Thought about hair extensions?’

‘No, not really. I’ve heard of it, obviously, but I don’t know much about it and anyway, my hair is quite short and I don’t fancy clips.’

‘Your hair is long enough, don’t worry. Clips are one way of doing it, but there are other ways like beaded weaves which are great and would work well with your hair. The weave is natural and invisible. You can have your hair down to your shoulders. Hair extension wefts are sewn onto a track made using tiny silicone beads rather than a cornrow or braid. Some rows or tracks are then added to your own hair, resulting in a seamless and undetectable look. You can even wear your hair extensions up in a ponytail without them being visible.’

It all sounded like gobbledegook to me and I just nodded as if I knew what she was talking about.

‘What we would do is change your hair colour slightly to match the extensions and then there would be no way of telling your original hair from the extensions. Let me show you some photos of the work we’ve done.’

She went to a drawer and pulled out some glossy photos showing before and after the procedure if you want to call it that.

‘Wow,’ I said as I looked through the photos.

The extensions looked wonderful on those women and I could see that the women who had had them, loved the results.

Being a bit practical I had to ask.

‘Erm, how much will it cost?’

She told me a figure. It was a bit mind-blowing, but I could afford it…just.

‘Oh, and we’ll throw in a free nail treatment too. if it’s all a bit much to pay for now, we have a monthly payment plan; but we would need your parents’ permission as you are under 18 I think. Look, have a think about it while I get you a drink. There’s no pressure and I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t happy with. What would you like to drink?

‘Can I have a Coke?’

‘Coming up.’

She left me to it as I looked through the photos again. I then looked at my hair in the mirror. I had done the best I could but let's face it, it wasn’t that wonderful. I dug out my phone and gave Hannah a call. It went straight to voicemail, which was weird as she was literally just a few yards away. Mind you if she was having her nails done she couldn’t answer the phone, could she? I then had a brainwave and rang Megan who answered immediately.

‘Hi Emma, what’s up?’

I told her what was up and asked for her opinion.

‘Can you afford it?’

‘Yes, just.’

‘When I started this transitioning business, my hair was even shorter than yours. In boy mode, my parents insisted that I had very short hair and it took a very long time for me to grow it out. I even wore a wig for a while but hated it as it got hot and itchy after a while, even though it made me look more girlie. If you can afford it and you are happy with the stylist, go for it. Where are you?’

‘Hair Today...’

‘They’re good. Who’s the stylist?’

‘Sharon.’

‘I like her; she’s helped me out lots. look, it’s up to you, but if it was me in your position and you like what you are being told. I would go for it.’

‘Thanks Megan, you’re a star!’

She laughed.

‘See you later down at the quay?’

‘Sounds good, Bye.’

I put my phone away as Sharon came back with my drink which even had ice in it!

‘Thanks,’ I said as I took a sip of the cold drink.

‘What do you think?’ she asked, ‘no pressure. There are ways that I can help you with what you have, if you don’t want to go down the extension route. It was just an idea and I get carried away sometimes.’

‘Can we go ahead.’ I said after a moment.

‘Do you want to use the payment plan?’

Ask my parents. That would be a laugh, I thought.

‘No, I’ll pay for it upfront. Oh, can you tell Hannah that I might be a while but don’t tell her what I’m having done.’

‘Okay.

She went off and left me and I wondered if what I was doing was the right decision to make. Only time would tell.

Two and a half hours later, it was finished.

I could tell why it cost so much to have those hair extensions. It was very fiddly and time-consuming. My hair was a slightly lighter and cleaner-looking blond than before and I could not tell my original hair from the extensions. My hair was now long and over my shoulders and dead straight. I have always loved that style of hair ever since I saw an advert for shampoo when the girl shook her head and her hair fell in cascades around her shoulders. There was another advert for Cadbury’s Flake chocolate when the girl in that did the same. I was so jealous, I nearly turned green!

My hair was parted in the middle but with a fringe, what our American friends call bangs for some reason, and shaped at the sides so that my face was sort of framed. Difficult to describe, but I loved it.

I looked at my nails that had been miraculously transformed into things of beauty using gel extensions. They were bright pink like my lipstick and were longer than before. Not too long as I hate the talon look. They were just long enough to be practical as well as pretty.

Sharon had even taken the time to redo my makeup and I couldn’t believe the results. As she did my makeup she gave me a few hints and tricks and I stored them in my memory banks for future reference.

‘Thank you so much,’ I said to a beaming Sharon as I pulled off my cape and stood up.

I took one more look in the mirror and marvelled at how different I looked and I couldn’t help it and just turned and hugged her.

‘That’s alright Emma, it’s been a pleasure. You look as pretty as a picture! You can come back any time but I would like to see you next week just to check that everything is going okay. No charge for that.’

‘Thanks again Sharon.’

‘No problem, I can’t believe how well it’s turned out. Long hair really suits you!’

I left Sharon cleaning her station and walked out into the main area, marvelling at how heavy my hair felt and swishing against my back in a delightful way compared to before. Over by the reception, Hannah was sitting there, looking bored reading a magazine. I noticed that her nails were bright red and fresh looking. Glancing at my nails, I saw that mine were pretty too and would give her a run for her money! I had to brush the hair away from my face as I looked down, a new, novel and very nice experience.

I walked over and said, ‘Hi.’

She looked up and did one of those double-take things. Her mouth opened with surprise.

‘Close your mouth before you catch flies!’

I giggled as her mouth closed swiftly.

She stood up and looking at me, said, ‘Oh wow, who is this glamorous woman standing in front of me?’

I had another giggle fit.

‘You like?’ I asked.

‘I could eat you,’

‘Yuk, you’ll spoil your appetite.’

‘Fancy a pizza?’

‘Always thinking of your stomach.’

‘It’s the only one I’ve got and I have been waiting here for six hours.’

‘Liar I’ve only been erm, two and a bit.’

‘Erm, how come your hair is long like that? Quick acting fertiliser?’

‘Extensions.’

‘Colours nice too. If I wasn’t a wonderful well rounded girl. I would be jealous.’

‘Well, you are well rounded in specific nice places.’

‘That sounds like dirty talk.’

‘Me?’

‘You aren’t so angelic as you look young Emma.’

‘You’re only a few weeks older than me, old lady.’

‘Bloody cheek!’

With thanks to the lady in reception, we left to find a pizza restaurant. Hannah knew a few and I soon found myself sitting opposite her in a booth in a pizza restaurant that was busy but not so busy that we could hear ourselves talk.

She looked at me.

‘I can’t get over it.’

‘What?’

‘How beautiful you are.’

‘Wasn’t I beautiful before?’ I asked innocently.

‘Erm, like, yes but you look wonderful.’

‘So I wasn’t wonderful before?’

‘Don’t play with my head Emma. You tie me in knots sometimes!’

I reached across and put my hand over hers.

‘Only playing Hannah.’

‘I know. I was going for the sympathy vote!’

We both giggled. I loved the way we were both on the same wavelength. It was uncanny sometimes.

The waiter came over and ogled us. I think that he had the hots for one or both of us and couldn’t keep his eyes off our breasts. Typical boy mode.

We ordered our pizzas but had to repeat the order twice as he was finding it difficult to concentrate.

He walked off stiffly once he finally got things right.

‘Why’s he walking like that?’ I asked innocently.

‘Young flower blossom, you have a lot to learn!’

We both giggled. It was that kind of day!

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Things were relatively normal for the next week or so. I had gotten used to being just another one of the girls and I loved the way everyone had accepted me for what I was – a girl.

I went to college regularly, as I wanted to get used to things and I got some real enjoyment in just being one of the students.

I attended several lectures, some good, some bad and some indifferent, mainly down to how interested I was in the subject being taught.

One of the lectures I attended was with Professor Cheshire. It may have been my imagination, but he seemed to look at me rather a lot and that made me feel rather uncomfortable. I had a strange feeling that he did not approve of me and I wondered if it was something to do with my somewhat unique situation. He didn’t ask me any questions; well he couldn’t really as I was not, as yet, one of his students.

I tried to pull myself together. Ever since my attack, I had become a little bit insecure and chasing shadows. This wasn’t good for me and I would have to get over it.

It was great not having to be in a set time and place, as what I considered my formal education at the college wouldn’t start until the following term.

I spent some time with Hannah at college between lectures, which was nice. Also, Megan had a certain amount of clear space in her busy timetable where we could come together and get to know each other more and more.

I heard little about the case regarding the boys who assaulted me except, that it turned out that several police forces were interested in interviewing and “pursuing ongoing matters” with them. I wasn’t told any other details by Uncle due to ridiculous confidentiality rules. However, I got the distinct impression that the boys were up to their necks in hot water and if and when they were found guilty, custodial sentences would almost certainly be applied.

I hoped that they would throw away the key!

I was getting more comfortable living as a girl out in public rather than wanting to, if you know what I mean. I was no longer wondering if I might get clocked as a boy and not a girl. I realised that I looked just like any other ordinary girl and I was happy with that. I was still somewhat nervous about going out by myself and I hadn’t gone out running since my attack.

I fully intended to start running again and not let my concerns about my safety ruin my life.

I loved my new hair or rather the extensions that I had added to my existing hair. It was strange for a while as it took some time to get used to the heaviness of the extensions and the fact that I was brushing the hair away from my face a lot more than I used to, but I soon got used to it and felt like my hair had always been longer and fuller.

I suppose I was a bit of a girlie girl. Most of my friends more often wore jeans than skirts or dresses, especially if it was a bit cooler. I, on the other hand, preferred skirts and dresses, having lived in jeans most of my life in boy mode.

One day. I was in the kitchen of my lovely cottage, studying. Auntie was having a coffee morning with her friends from the parish council and I felt a bit in the way, so there I was, trying to get my head around a bit of human biology using a rather graphic book called Gray's Anatomy. It always amazed me how complex the human body is and just how it functions down to a microscopic level. The more I learned the more I was pleased that I had chosen the medical profession as my career choice. I just hoped that I was good enough to succeed in my ambitions.

Just then, the front door opened and then slammed closed.

Seconds later, the kitchen door opened and in walked Ivy.

‘There you are then. Shall I put the kettle on?’

I sighed. There was no way that I was going to do much studying with Ivy cluttering about and making cleaning-type noises.

‘Thanks’, that would be nice.’

Ivy walked over to the kettle and glanced down at what I was reading.

‘Bloody hell, what’s that?’ she asked, pointing at the open page of Gray’s.

‘A dissected leg.’

‘A real leg?’

‘Yes.’

‘Is that what it looks like inside?’

‘Yes Ivy,’ I replied smiling.

‘Blimey, I might not have a leg of lamb tonight, after all. It fair makes me feel sick, looking at things like that. There should be a law against it. Close the book, will you dear?’

Smiling, I closed it. Things like that didn’t bother me in the least. As long as it wasn’t my body being dissected, I had no problems with any non-self-body parts. I probably wouldn’t feel the same if it was my bits and pieces being pulled apart although I didn’t want to think about the surgery that I would be having some time in the future to correct my own faulty anatomy.

Soon Ivy was fussing about with the tea-making procedures. It had to be a teapot, no dunking teabags in mugs for her. Warm the pot first, tea from the caddy, not bags. Teacups and saucers, despite the extra washing up. The time it all took, I would have made mine and drunk it, but I’m a philistine according to Ivy.

I could hear the petrol mower going in the garden and then stop and start and stop. Then I heard some shouting and banging.

‘Len’s having troubles with the mower, needs a new one but won’t get it. “what’s good enough for Grandpa is good enough for me”, he says. Men, they think that they know it all, but they know nothing.’

That was a bit dismissive, but I had no intention of disagreeing with her. Am I a coward? Probably.

We sat and drank our tea with a strategically placed plate of biscuits between us.

‘So, Emma, how are you doing?’

‘Ok, thanks.’

‘I heard that those slimeballs are still in prison.’

‘Well, I don’t think that they are actually in prison Ivy. More likely that there are sent to a secure centre for children.’

‘Namby-pamby, wishy-washy way of dealing with the young thugs. They need stringing up.’

Her face had gone all red.

‘I think that’s a bit extreme Ivy.’ I replied dunking my biscuit in my tea and trying to avoid the dreaded soggy biscuit drop.

‘Your problem Emma is that you are too nice and don’t dunk like that. Three dips and eat, otherwise you’ll lose it. It’s all in the wrist.’

We spent a few minutes discussing the finer points of dunking biscuits before Ivy stood up.

‘No time for idle gossip. I have work to do.’

And off she went. Soon I could hear some frantic hoovering and outside the sound of a petrol mower starting and stopping with accompanying curses.

I looked at my book and sighed. There was no point in continuing. It would be quieter in a war zone!

I looked out of the window. It was warm and sunny. I decided there and then that I wouldn’t be a hermit and would just get on with my life. Up in my bedroom, I had some running gear and trainers. I quickly changed, went downstairs and met Ivy who was polishing the dining room table.

She looked up and stopped what she was doing.

‘Going for a swim?’ she asked.

‘Ha-ha, very funny,’ I replied.

‘Be careful honey.’

‘I will,’ I replied, leaving her to her vigorous polishing.

I went into the kitchen and filled my water bottle and stepped outside. Len was there kicking the lawn mower. The air was blue and I blushed at the sound of his colourful language.

He looked up and seemed to blush under his sun-tanned face.

‘Sorry Emma. This bloody lawn mower will be the death of me.’

‘Why not get a new one?’

‘That costs money.’

‘You do know that there is a lawn mower in the shed down the end of the garden?’

‘That isn’t mine.’

‘You’re welcome to it.’

‘I can’t use it. It’s yours.’

‘Yes, you can. I won’t ever use it. I hate gardening, I can’t tell the difference between a rose and a pomegranate. I love to sit in the garden and enjoy it, but there is no way that I’m going to get my hands and fingernails dirty.’

‘Are you sure?’ he said doubtfully.

‘Yes, I’m sure. Take and use anything you can find in there. Now I need to go and do my run. See you later.’

Without another word, I left him to it.

Actually, I did like very light non- strenuous gardening, but I hated to see Len suffer like that!

I set off up the lane and eventually found myself at the top and joined the West Coast Path. Some of that famous path is very rugged and you nearly needed to be a rock climber to use it but the section near us was nice and only had an undulating landscape.

I was blowing a bit. Not surprising as I hadn’t run for a while. I wasn’t feeling any pain from my groin, which was nice. It was a bit strange the feeling that I had without my, all be it quite small, testicles wobbling about, but wasn’t unpleasant and it was somehow, maybe a bit liberating? I looked forward to a time when everything down there was an innie rather than an outie. I had at least 2 years to wait.

Two years, at my age, seemed almost like a lifetime, but it was the law and unless I wanted to go overseas where age didn’t always seem to be a problem, I was stuck with the wait.

As I ran, I thought about how things were going for me. I was so much luckier than some girls in my situation. I looked like a girl and had the support of my new friends and family. I wondered what my old family would think about me now, running along the cliffs dressed in pink running gear with growing breasts, long hair, waterproof makeup and silver looped earrings.

Yes, I had problems, but so did everyone. I wasn’t that unique, just a girl who wanted to get on with life. I had a career plan and I was at a college that seemed to support me in my ambition.

The only flies in the ointment were those boys who had attacked me and the fact that they had pleaded not guilty. That meant that I might have to stand up in some sort of court and I hoped against hope that they would change their plea so that I didn’t have to go through that torture.

I was sure that they would use my gender situation as some sort of excuse for what happened. I did not want to advertise the fact that I was transgendered. It would mean that I might become a target, although, due to my age, my name should not be reported.

I was puffing slightly and I realise that I had been out for half an hour. Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun? I was glowing a lot – girls don’t sweat, we glow. What a load of rubbish; maybe I was getting lightheaded due to exercise-induced oxygen deprivation.

Smiling, I turned back. I hadn’t seen anyone on my run except an old couple sitting on a bench overlooking a lovely bay. I fancied going down to the bay with its secluded sandy beach, but it looked like it was inaccessible, which was a shame.

Continuing back, it didn’t seem long before I arrived at my cottage. Judging by the cars outside, the meeting was still going strong next door. I went into my cottage and passed Ivy just leaving.

‘There you are Emma, nice run?’

‘Very good thanks.’

‘Len used that mower. It was like he had died and gone to heaven. I have never seen him smile like that as he mowed. Are you sure that we can use it?’

‘Of course, take it away and use it and anything else that would be useful wherever you like.’

‘You’re a nice girl Emma.’

‘No, the stuff was cluttering up the shed.’

‘Hmm, anyway, we’d best be off, my cat needs feeding and Len wants to go down the pub for his lunch which will be a pint of brown ale knowing him.’

‘Bye then.’

She kissed me on the cheek, which was nice and she was off. Len was already in his pickup truck and I could see the lawnmower in the back. He looked at me, waved and smiled. I never knew that a lawnmower could cause so much happiness!

I went upstairs, stripped off my running gear, scratched my itchy chest and then got into the shower. I put on a shower cap as I didn’t want to have to dry my hair; the only downside to having long hair. I had only washed it that morning and it took ages. I would wash it again the following morning when I had more time.

Once dressed again in my go-to lemon sundress for hot days, I applied a little lippy, blush and eyeshadow, nothing heavy, it was way too hot for that. I then went downstairs and raided the fridge, which always had a ready supply of cold drinks, and grabbed a Coke. I was thirsty, thirstier than a camel who hadn’t been drinking for several days.

I once again tried to get into my Gray’s but my heart wasn’t in it. To be honest, I was bored and I wanted to do something. All my friends were busy in college, Auntie was next door in her meeting and supplying copious amounts of tea and cream cakes, knowing her. Uncle was doing his police thing and there was I all alone and bored out of my mind.

I sighed. This wasn’t good enough. A bored Emma was an unhappy Emma. I hated doing nothing, so I would do something. Then I remembered. When wading through cobwebs in the shed at the end of the garden, I noticed a bike. It was under a cover but from the brief time I lifted the cover, it looked quite new. I would go and have a look.

Not wanting to get my nice dress dirty, I rushed upstairs and changed into a black t-shirt and capri combo. It was nice that I could wear capris now that my bits had mended.

Going outside, I went down to the end of the garden. Daffy and Dolly, the ducks were going around in circles as they usually did on the pond. They ignored me as I had no food for them. Talk about cupboard love!

I opened the shed, which was quite large. The lawn mower had gone, obviously and a few other gardening-type stuff had been taken too like a petrol strimmer and a chainsaw, I think. I was pleased that they would be used they weren’t much use sitting in the shed doing nothing but collecting dust and spider webs.

Talking of spider webs, I wasn’t that keen on spiders and I had heard stories of false widows being found in parts of the country.

Anyway, I tried not to think too much about venomous spiders as I made my way to the back of the shed.

Under a black cover was the bike and as I pulled it away, sneezing with the dust, there it was in all its glory.

It was a woman’s bike, that was clear, but what I didn’t realise was that it was actually an electric bike, hardly if ever used. The lead attached to the battery was plugged into a socket. I knew that the shed was electrified because of the light switch by the door, but I hadn’t been aware of any sockets. I unplugged the battery charger and pulled the lead out. Then I moved the bike into the centre of the shed. It was lighter than I thought it would be. I always thought that electric bikes were heavy due to the weight of the battery but this one wasn’t too bad. The bike looked expensive and I wondered whether it had ever been used. Then looking at the tyres, I saw a little bit of dried mud on them.

Then my memory kicked in. Grandma mentioned in passing a while back that she was going to try to get healthy and she did mention something about a bike, she didn’t say anything about it being an electric one. Shortly after we had the bombshell that she wasn’t very well. I never knew how bad she was until shortly before she died. The cancer was very advanced before she was diagnosed and there was no hope for her. She refused treatment as it wouldn’t have made all that much difference. The talk of her bike went out of my head until just that moment.

I got a bit upset about that and had a lump in my throat. Then I tried to cheer myself up. I had to remember her for what and who she was before she became ill. I had more support from her than all the rest of my so-called family put together. The fact that she knew I was a girl obviously hadn’t made a scrap of difference and I loved her for that.

Grandma had had a full happy life and she was ill for thankfully only a short amount of time. I knew in my heart of hearts that she was looking after me from up above and that gave me a lot of comfort. I would never consider myself to be a particularly religious person but lately, living in and around this cottage had made me feel that she was there with me and that gave me a lot of comfort.

I pulled myself together and had a good look at the bike. The tyres were a bit flat but after searching around a bit I found a tyre pump and a few other unused bike tools in a cupboard under the workbench.

I inflated the tyres and in a short time, they were as hard as a rock. In the cupboard was a helmet too, still in its box. It was a white helmet and it didn’t look like it had ever been used.

I wasn’t a great lover of cycle helmets as they weren’t exactly fashion statements. In fact, I thought that they looked dorky. However, I valued my brain and let's face it, it would maybe protect my head in the event of an accident. I tried it on and luckily it fitted, although I had some issues with my hair. I would have to put on a scrunchie to use it. Luckily I never went anywhere without a scrunchy and I had a pink one on my wrist. How’s that for forethought? I tried it with scrunchiefied hair and it fitted much better.

After removing the helmet and leaving it on the bench, I went back to the bike. I used to ride a bike when I was younger. I had been given my brother's old bike when he was given a brand new one. Perish the thought that I would be given a new one! Tommy’s old bike had been a bit scratched and battered but it was just useable and I rode it occasionally but not often. It was a boy's bike and I was a girl and in my maybe twisted logic, it felt all wrong. That was how deep my feelings were about anything male related. I had been and still was, I supposed, a crazy mixed-up kid!

So, I knew my way around a bike and could ride one, but I had never been on an electric bike.

The controls looked simple enough though and I decided to try it out. The day was fine and I was dressed appropriately, so why not?

Using an old towel, I dusted the bike off and then pushed it out of the workshop. I pressed a few buttons but the bike was as dead as a doughnut. Then I noticed a key at the side of the battery compartment and I turned it. I heard a beep and a light went on at the top of the battery.

‘We have lift-off.’ I said enthusiastically to myself.

There was also another key on the ring and it didn’t take a genius to realise that that was the key to the bike lock that was handily attached under the seat. A good job that it had a lock as these bikes were highly nickable.

After testing the brakes, I tentatively turned the throttle slightly and the bike moved. The speedo thingamajig, whatchamacallit said that the battery charge was full and so it was, I hoped, ready to go.

I was secretly pleased that it was an electric bike, as the hills in Cornwall were epic and I didn’t think that I would get very far without some sort of assistance. Cheating? Maybe but I couldn’t care less. I liked running and tennis but I was never that much of a keen bike rider, probably due to the crappy second-hand bike I had used before. Maybe I could go to college using this bike on fine days and at least with the bike, it would give me a bit of independence. I didn’t like to use my auntie as a taxi service and the buses had a spasmodic service and depended on drivers being available. This wasn’t like in the city where there were plenty of options to get around.

I went inside the cottage and grabbed my backpack, putting in my purse, a few nibbles and my water bottle. I picked up my cool Ray Ban sunglasses, a present to myself that I could ill afford but nevertheless bought on sale, and then I was ready.

After locking up the cottage, I returned to the bike and pushed it onto the lane. Next door still had cars outside, so I didn’t bother disturbing Auntie and her cohorts. I just texted Auntie and for good measure, Hannah, to tell them what I was doing and then got on the bike.

It felt strange sitting on the bike, thinking that probably the last person on it was my lovely grandma. Still, no more thoughts of the past. I was ready to go. I tentatively pushed down on a peddle and then I was off.

It was slightly downhill at first and I couldn’t believe how fast I was going, looking at the speedo thingie, I was already at 13 miles per hour. I had read somewhere that in the UK, the maximum speed for electric bikes was 15 miles an hour. If you wanted more speed, you had to use the pedals more.

I was seriously impressed; I wasn’t even sweating – sorry perspiring.

The lane incline became steeper as I came closer to the quay and I had to keep applying the brakes.

Just before reaching the quay, I turned left and then the road started climbing, getting steep quite quickly. I had to peddle more and more, but it was easy and no real stress or strain was involved. I changed gear and I went even faster. This was great. I was glad I was wearing sunglasses as a few insects were flying about and the last thing I wanted was a bug in my eye.

In no time at all, I was out of the village and onto the green hills above. It was lovely out there and luckily, there were few cars about. I didn’t fancy meeting a 4X4 or worse a tractor as the lanes and roads around that part of Cornwall were narrow, to say the least. I could understand the popularity of electric bikes now. They were so much fun without the pain or much effort. I could see why Grandma chose to get one.

I carried on for some time, going through a few quaint villages. I even waved at a few people and they waved back. Imagine doing that in London? Eventually, I saw a slightly battered sign that said To The Beach and on a whim, I went down the narrow lane. I couldn’t see much, as there were tall hedges on each side. The winding lane gradually went downhill and once again, I had to use my brakes to stop the bike going too fast.

I had no real idea where I was but wasn’t too concerned as Google Maps was my friend and I could always find my way home when I was ready. My journey took me through some woods and eventually, the lane widened out and then opened to a small car park with a few cars dotted about.

To the side on top of a sandy hill was a small café and I went over to it and stopped behind it. I got off the bike and locked it using the bike lock, which luckily had a key. I took off my helmet and left it on the seat. Then I climbed the wooden steps at the side of the café and then stopped.

In front of me was a small sandy beach with dunes at the back and it was all lovely. The sand was almost white and the sea as blue as the Mediterranean on a good day. It was in a cove with steep-sided rocky hills on either side making it very sheltered and protected from the wind. There were a few people on the beach but nothing like as many as you would have thought a place like this would have.

I was thirsty and the café was open, so I went in and there was a lady behind the counter. A few tables had people sitting there including a mother with a very young girl in a pram who was demolishing an ice cream with half of it on her face.

I went over to the counter.

‘Hello, can I have a coke?’

‘Yes love, ice?’

‘Yes please. It’s lovely here.’

‘Yes it is.’

‘I’m surprised that it’s not busier.’

‘It does get busier in the holidays and at weekends but it’s a bit off the beaten track so you mainly only get locals here. It doesn’t help that the access is a bit narrow so you can’t get coaches and such like down here.’

‘What’s the name of this place?’

‘Pendowan Beach.’

I was handed my drink and after thanking the lady, I went outside and sat on one of the seats outside.

It was so nice there; the gentle breeze cooled me a bit as I watched a man play with a dog by throwing a ball on the foreshore. A little further along and man and woman were holding the hands of a squealing little boy who was being splashed by the gentle waves.

I smiled. This beach was somewhere that I would to return to as soon as possible maybe with Hannah. She must have known that I was thinking of her as my phone made a text-type noise and I pulled it out of my backpack.

Where r u?

At the beach?

Where?

Pendowan Beach.

I think I went there with Mum and Dad when I was little.

It’s nice.

Are u coming home?

Soon. Are you there?

Just got back

I’ll see u soon.

How did u get there? No buses, I think.

I used granny’s bike, it’s electric and cool.

I don’t do sweaty!

‘It’s not sweaty, it’s electric, not much effort.

Still too much for me.

You’re lazy.

I’m not lazy, I just like to travel in comfort.

Why aren’t we speaking on the phone, it would be quicker than typing.

Poor reception. Anyway, come home soon, I need a good kissing after my hard day studying.

OK, see you soon xxx

xxxx

I put my phone down and smiled. It was nice to have someone like Hannah who missed me when I wasn’t there. It was all a bit new to me; all this loving attention, but I could certainly get used to it!

I just sat there for a few minutes to finish my drink. To be honest, I was in no hurry to get back as I was reluctant to leave this magical beach.

Eventually, I felt like it was time to go home and so with a final glance at the beach, I left the café and walked down the wooden stairs to where my bike was. I put on the helmet and got on the bike.

Looking at the battery meter thing, it hadn’t used much fuel or whatever it's called. I wondered what the range of this beast was. I would look up on Uncle Google, the font of all knowledge.

Soon I was on my way back. The roads and lanes were a bit busier now and occasionally I had to go to the side to let the odd car, van or tractor go by, but soon I was back at my cottage. I wasn’t even a bit tired, despite all the hills. I noticed that the visitors next door had gone and the lane was relatively free of parked cars.

I put the bile back into the shed and plugged in the charger thingie. I intended to get a lot of use out of Brenda. Yes, I named her Brenda the Bike; it sounded good to me.

I went back into my cottage via the kitchen and then had a quick drink of water, as I had a dry mouth. Then I decided to go next door to see what was going I went into the hall and put the helmet on the coat hook by the front door. Then I looked down, there was an envelope there. It looked a bit grubby.

I picked it up. There wasn’t any name on the envelope.

Frowning, I opened it up and took out the slip of paper.

My heart went in my mouth and I nearly fainted as I read the words written with what looked like a red marker pen.

We know all about you and what you are Christopher.

Withdraw your complaints against Bill and Fred or you will regret it. If the police or the CPS make it go to court, do not testify against the boys, or else.

Do not tell anyone about this, including the fuzz otherwise your life won’t be worth living.

This isn’t a threat, it’s a promise.

A concerned friend.

I sank to the floor, my back against the door and with shaking hands, I re-read the note.

Tears pricked my eyes as I wondered what I should do.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

I sat there for a few minutes, tears streaming down my face.

It was like a nightmare. What had I done to deserve this? I just wanted to live my life without all this crap.

I knew that being transgendered wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. I also knew that I would have people who just wouldn’t understand where I was coming from. This was normal and to be expected in this biased and whacky world we live in. But this thing with those boys who only wanted to hurt me, that was something else. Now I was being threatened with harm if I testified against those slimeballs.

My heart had been thumping away in my chest and I felt faint. My breathing was laboured and I felt panicky. I imagined all sorts of scenarios that could happen to me and none of them was good. I was afraid, very afraid and full of indecision.

I took a deep breath and then something strange happened. In my head, I could hear Grandma as clear as day.

‘Emma, don’t let the slimeballs beat you. You are better than them.’

I smiled. It was only my imagination, of course, but the thought gave me a proverbial kick up the backside. Grandma often had what I called a colourful turn of phrase and that was, I think, one she would have said.

I had gone through so much crap in my life, from my old family and at school where I was hardly Mister Popular (even though I would have loved to be MISS Popular!). Moving down to Cornwall was, in my opinion, the best thing that I had ever done, despite the horrible attack on me and the unwelcome threats. But, if these people thought that I would roll over and die, that would be a grave mistake.

I took a deep breath, picked up my phone and looked at my contacts and stabbed my finger down on the one person I wanted to call.

A few rings and then it was answered.

‘Hi Emma, what’s up?’

‘Uncle John, somethings happened.’

‘What?’

‘I…I’m in my cottage, I found an unsigned note threatening me about those boys who attacked me.’

I started crying again, not surprising really…

‘I’m at home. Stay there, don’t touch anything.’

‘O…Ok.’

I shakily stood up, opened the front door and just waited.

Seconds later, there was a knock on the door.

I opened it hesitantly and peered out.

‘Hi, Emma, we’re here,’ called my uncle.

I opened the door with relief.

My uncle came in, closely followed by Auntie.

Auntie took one look at me and I rushed into her arms.

Things were a bit confusing for me for a while and when I pulled myself together, I noticed that Uncle was holding the note in his hand. He was wearing gloves.

‘Are you alright Emma?’ he asked.

I nodded.
I had a sort of dull knot in my lower belly and I felt like I could be sick, but I supposed that it was caused by the shock of what had happened to me.

‘Right,’ said Uncle John, ‘I want you to go next door with Claire. I’m going to get some people here to do some fingerprint tests, especially on this note, envelope and letterbox. They will want to take your fingerprints to eliminate anything you have touched. You did the right thing by calling me.’

He smiled at me in such a way that it made me feel at least a bit better.

‘See you later honey,’ said Auntie Claire as we left him to it and went next door.

Soon, I was sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of sweet tea and a couple of Hobnob biscuits. I was still shaking slightly, my heart was thumping a bit, and the ache in my abdomen was still there, but I felt a little calmer.

‘John was right Emma. You did the right thing. If you had said nothing and did as they asked, they would have won.’

‘I know Auntie, but that doesn’t make me feel less scared.’

‘Well, I think that they have made a big mistake. They have shown their hand and we now know what they are about. John will deal with it. He’s very good at his job and although he can’t get too involved due to his connection to you, he has very good people around him that know what they are doing. Now fancy a cuppa?’

I nodded. Why was it that when we get stressed we always have a cuppa?

Shortly after that, I was in Hannah’s room and looked out of the window a couple of police cars and a crime scene van had arrived. It looked like things were moving.

I then heard my phone chirp.

Picking it up, I saw that it was a rather lengthy message from Hannah.

Sorry, I had to go out before you got back. Sarah, another friend from college called me urgently. She lost her phone somewhere and she asked me to go back to college to help her search for it. She was hyperventilating so I decided to go. You’ll like Sarah, she’s as nutty as a fruit cake but fun to be with. See you later. I miss you. Xxx

It was strange, I hadn’t wondered where Hannah was. Too much going on. I just wanted to have a hug from her now.

I put my phone down and went to get changed. I had a lot of clothes in my section of the wardrobe. Mind you, a girl can’t have enough clothes, as Hannah always told me and I was inclined to agree!

I was gradually calming down now and my sick feeling and pains down below faded. I was so lucky to have people around me who loved and respected me. I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be going about by myself for a while and I realised that it was probably for the best for now. It was a shame that I was, in effect, losing some of my freedom, but I would just have to be a big girl and not throw my dummy out of the pram.

I smiled at that thought.

I wondered, once my hormones stopped mucking about, whether I would be a sweet sixteen or one of those girls with an attitude problem, full of angst and rebellious thoughts. I somehow thought that I would be the former rather than the latter.

Mind you, I had felt a bit snappy lately. I would have to watch that!

You might be wondering if I was terrified about the threats that had been made against me. I suppose I was to a certain extent, but I had so much faith in Uncle John and everyone else who was looking out for me, that I would get through this somehow.

I refused to cower to thugs like Bill, Fred and their so-called friends and relations. They were losers as far as I was concerned and there was no way that I would give in to their threats and intimidations.

I changed into a lemon T-shirt and white capri’s and felt nice and cool. I then touched up my makeup and brushed through my hair. Have I said that I loved the length and feel of it? I wondered in passing, not for the first time, what my old family would think of me now, looking every inch the girl that I am rather than the poor excuse of a boy that I was when I lived with them.

Looking at myself critically in the mirror, I also wondered if they would recognise me if I passed them in the street.

I didn’t fancy putting that to the test!

I fired up my laptop and went onto the college portal to see my messages. There wasn’t anything particularly interesting except one from the counsellor with a link to the LGBTQ+ group at the college. She suggested that I join. I wasn’t too sure about that as I thought that it might draw attention to myself. Then I had another thought. I wasn’t ashamed of who I was and it would be nice to have contacts at the college who were going through similar issues to mine. I would ask Megan if she was a member. Come to think of it, Hannah might be involved with the group too.

I went onto my study portal and whilst I was waiting for Hannah to come home, I decided to look at a few of the lectures which had been recorded recently. This was maybe one of the few good things about Covid, a lot of material was online for us to look at and use in our studies.

I was engrossed in a lecture on biodiversity by one of the professors, Angela Smith. I know, boring for some, but not for me! She knew her subject and I could see that she was passionate about it. I wasn’t sure how relevant the lecture was to my studies, but enjoyed her style and the way she put information across.

I became quite engrossed until the door burst open and I was assaulted by a hellcat.

‘Oof!’ I said.

‘Emma, how are you? I heard what happened. I can’t let you leave my sight for a second. I should have been with you.’

Hannah went on like that for hours – well a few minutes anyway.

I eventually managed to free myself from her gorilla-like grip.

‘I’m okay.’

‘Okay. OKAY! How can you say that?’

She stepped away from me and looked at me properly for the first time.

‘How can you be so cool? If it had happened to me, I would be like a jelly or blancmange, all quivery.’

‘I was quivery earlier, but I’m back together now. Don’t worry, your dad is on to it.’

‘Has he caught the perps?’

‘What?’

‘The slimeball, scumbags.’

‘You’ve been watching too much TV or eating dodgy hamburgers.’

‘Answer me, damn it. Are the perps in the clink?’

‘What?.’

She looked at me as if I was mad.

‘Emma, why are you so calm? I’ll keep this simple. Have they caught the person or persons unknown who wrote you that slimeball of a note?’

‘No, it’s all only just happened. I think that the crime scene people are next door combing my welcome mat or something for evidence.’

‘Hmm, not good enough. I will tell Dad to close the borders, send up drones and do the search party thing to scour the neighbourhood for clues.’

‘Slight overreaction there Hannah. Your dad knows what he’s doing. Look I want to forget all this for a moment. What do you suggest?’

‘Shopping?’

‘That’s your answer to everything. Has anyone told you that you’re shallow?’

‘Occasionally, but I do have depths too.’

‘Yes, you do get up to your neck sometimes. Anyway, I must admit that a bit of retail therapy might stop me from worrying. How will we get into town?’

She looked at me pityingly.

‘M.T.S.’

‘What?’

‘Mum’s Taxi Service, of course!’

‘You shouldn’t put on Auntie quite so much.’

‘That’s what she’s there for; to be at my beck and call and always do what I say.’

‘You don’t believe that.’

She sighed.

‘No, I don’t either but it’s a nice thought. Let’s go and ask her.’

‘Do you think that Megan might like to come?’

‘I like your thinking. She might be home by now. We could pick her up if she wants to go.’

‘That is if Auntie will take us.’

‘Hmm, true. She’s just had that meeting with her cronies and she might be mentally drained. She normally is after one of their chinfests. Let’s go and ask.’

‘I’ll text Megan,’ I said.

‘OK, sounds like a plan.’

She looked at me with concern.

‘Are you alright?’

‘I will be once all this is over.’

‘You know that we are all in this with you?’

‘Yes, it’s great that I have all your support. I do love you Hannah.’

‘Me too, you.’ She said as we hugged and kissed.

I used to be alone, but now I had a real family and friends who loved, cared and supported me and despite everything, it made me feel good.

As we walked downstairs, I texted Megan. We girls are good at multitasking, mind you, I nearly tripped up on a step as I texted. No one is perfect!

Megan must have had her phone in her hand as she replied almost immediately.

Just leaving college. Shopping sounds great after the day I’ve just had. Meet you at Costa?

OK, we’ll get there as soon as pos. need a lift from Auntie, if she’ll take us.

Just bat your eyelashes and look vulnerable. She’ll do anything for you.

Not true, but I might try just to see if it works. See you l8tr.

I put my phone away as we went into the kitchen.

Auntie was sitting at the kitchen table, supping some tea and demolishing a cream cake.

‘Hello,’ she said, ‘ are you okay, Emma.’

‘Fine thanks. You have some cream on your upper lip.’

‘Oops, better?’

‘Mmm.’

‘Mummy.’

Auntie looked at Hannah suspiciously.

‘No.’

‘What, I haven’t asked anything!’

‘Whenever you look and say “Mummy”, you’re after something. And Emma, have you got something in your eye?’

‘Erm, no.’

Obviously, the batting your eyelid thing doesn’t always work.

Auntie sighed.

‘I can read you both like a book. Okay, what do you want?’

Hannah looked at me and shrugged.

Our little ploys didn’t seem to work.

‘Well Mum, as you know, Emma has had a shock and I think she needs distracting. We thought about going into Penzance to have a look around and meet up with Megan.’

Auntie looked at me.

‘Is that true?’

I nodded. Let’s face it I could do with a bit of distraction after all I had been through.

She sighed.

‘Well, I do need to go to the supermarket and get a few things. All right, I’ll take you, but remember girls, I am not a taxi service.’

‘No Mum,’ we both said at once and then I felt my face go red as she wasn’t my mum, no matter how much I would have liked her to be.

She smiled.

‘I’m leaving in ten minutes.’

‘Thanks Mum you are a star!’ said an enthusiastic Hannah.

It was twenty minutes later that found us in the car making our way into Penzance. The police crime scene van and one of the police cars were still outside my cottage. I had texted Uncle John as to what we were doing. He had no objections but told me not to speak to any strange men or women, come to that. He didn’t think that I was in any immediate danger but wanted me to be more aware of what was going on around me.

He did say that they had managed to get a few interesting fingerprints from the note and the letter box flap, but until they were processed, he couldn’t say if they would be of use to us.

To say that my mind was on my problems would be an understatement. I had been shaken and stirred by the note. But, I trusted my uncle and the police and just decided that I couldn’t hide under my bed covers and I had to get on with my life. I would worry more when I had to and I just wouldn’t let those scum ruin my life.

We arrived in Penzance shortly after and were dropped off by Auntie with the normal, be careful and don’t get into trouble or spend too much money. She would pick us up later.

We made our way to Costa Coffee and were soon sitting outside at one of the tables with Megan, as it was still a nice hot day, who had only arrived a short while before.
I had a latte and Hannah had a cappuccino. Megan had settled for an iced coffee. Something that I hate with a vengeance but others seemed to like for some reason.

‘Well,’ said Megan, ‘what have you been up to?’

‘We had an incident,’ said Hannah.

‘What?’

‘Emma has been threatened,’

‘What!’

‘You tell her Em.’

So I did. To be honest, I didn’t want to talk about it, but Megan needed to know.

‘What scumbags,’ said Megan after I had finished, ‘let's hope that your uncle can catch them. It reminds me of a problem I had at school once.’

‘You have our attention,’ said Hannah.

She sighed.

‘It was shortly after I came out as trans. It was at school. Someone left a horrible note in my locker. I won’t repeat it, but it hurt me, a lot. I found out later that it was one of my so-called friends. It was made worse by the fact that she knew that I had nearly taken my life only a short while before.’

We all stood up and did the hug thing, making the other customers look at us and wonder what the hell was going on. I didn’t care, girls do the touchy, feeling thing. If anyone had a problem with that, they would have to deal with it.

It was nice sitting there with Hannah and Megan drinking and watching the world go by. I wondered in passing if any of those people had a life like mine. Probably not, but everyone has their problems and I’m luckier than most. Look at all the starving people in the world and those caught up in horrendous wars.

‘Emma.’

I looked at Megan.

‘Hmm, what?’

‘You were away with the fairies there.’

‘Sorry, just thinking how lucky I am really, despite everything.’

‘Well, you have friends like us, how much luckier can you get?’ she replied, grinning.

‘Shut up you!’ I said thumping her arm, gently.

We sat there finishing our drinks and putting the world to rights and then got down to the important business of the day; looking around the shops.

Shopping for us meant going into clothes and shoe shops and trying on as many things as possible without spending much. I did buy a fantastic short black leather skirt that was expensive, but irresistible. Megan bought some figure-hugging jeans that she might have trouble putting on if she ate too many cakes and Hannah a bubble-gum pink top that left very little to the imagination. I thought that Auntie Claire would have a few objections to that one and I looked forward to the fireworks!

My nails were looking a bit worse for wear, so we decided to see if we could get some emergency treatment at the salon. Luckily, they weren’t that busy and I was soon sitting there getting a new look. I fancied pale blue for some reason. I had seen a girl in one of the many clothes shops with that colour and I fancied a change. The others liked the colour too, so we decided there and then to all have the same.

After the pitstop at the nail salon, we carried on walking around the shops. It was busy there and I wasn’t too worried about being accosted by person or persons unknown as I thought that there was safety in numbers.

There was a small park to the left of us and I glanced over as we passed and stopped dead in my tracks.

A man was standing by a park bench clutching at his chest and then he just fell over backwards and lay still.

‘What?’ said Hannah.

I didn’t answer her but dropped my bags and ran into the park. I could hear Hannah and Megan shouting but I didn’t pay much attention. A few people stood around the man but weren’t doing much. As I arrived I saw that he was in a bad way and his lips were turning blue. Whilst pretending to be a boy, I joined the St John’s Ambulance and learnt CPR amongst other things.

I could see that the man was not breathing. I got down next to him, the gravel painfully pressing on my bare knees. I was lucky I wasn’t wearing tights as they would have been ruined!

‘Call 999 and tell them it’s a heart attack,’ I said to anyone listening. Then I ignored everything around me and started to give CPR first aid. The training kicked in and I quickly checked that the man’s airways were clear and no false teeth had fallen back down his throat. Luckily, there were no false teeth!

I tilted the man's head back gently and then with the heel of my hand, I started to do compressions on the centre of his chest.

My hair, although lovely, was getting on my nerves and in the way of my face as I was doing my stuff. I felt someone pull it away from my face and put it into a welcome ponytail. I counted thirty compressions and there was no response. I pinched the man’s nose and did two rescue breaths as per my training. Still no response. I wasn’t aware of what was going on around me but just continued the cycle of thirty compressions and two rescue breaths for what seemed like an eternity.

As I was doing the compressions, I felt a dull pain low down in my belly again. It felt a bit like the cramp I sometimes get when I run too hard…

Then the man coughed and started breathing.

He was alive.

Just then I heard sirens and a few moments later the medics arrived and I was pushed out of the way. I sat down on a park bench and started to shake a bit. Hannah and Megan sat on either side of me and held my hands. The passers-by and rubberneckers were not very helpfully standing about and I wondered in passing if they had anything else they could be doing.

‘Wow Emma,’ said Hannah, ‘talk about Action Girl. You were great.’

‘Was I?’ I asked distractedly as I watched the medics do their stuff.

They had an oxygen mask over the man’s face and he looked like he was getting more responsive. He tied to sit up but the medics kept him where he was.

‘Where did you learn to do that?’ asked Megan.

‘St John’s.’

‘Well wicked,’ she said, ‘you saved his life.’

‘I hope so. It’s a bit different to doing it on a rubber dummy.’

One of the medics came over and knelt beside me.

‘Are you all right?’ she asked.

‘Yes thanks. How is he?’

‘Bob, the other medic, is getting him ready to be moved to the ambulance. We are just checking his vitals before moving him, but he looks okay at the moment and is relatively stable, but you never know with heart attacks and the sooner we get him to the hospital the better. Your actions have probably saved him. Can I just have your name and address, for the records?

I didn’t know why she needed my details but I told her anyway.

She thanked me and then she was away. We watched as the man was put on a trolley thing and wheeled away. I just hoped that he was going to be okay. Soon all the by-standers had gone and only me and the girls were left.

‘Can we go home?’ I asked.

‘Course,’ said Hannah and she rang her mum who said that she was still in Penzance looking around the shops.

‘You might want to redo your lippy,’ said Megan.

Using a small mirror from my purse, I wiped my lips and repaired the damage. I thought that I looked a bit pale, not surprising really.

We agreed with Auntie to meet at the end of the High Street and then go back to the car together.

We were quiet as we walked to our meeting place. I think that we were all a bit shocked about what happened. On the way, we stopped at a shop as I wanted to buy some water. I had a taste in my mouth that wasn’t pleasant and I needed to wash it away.

As we walked, I said to the others, ‘don’t say anything about what happened to Auntie. I don’t want a fuss.’

‘But…’ said Hannah.

‘Please, don’t say anything,’ I almost shouted angrily.

Sometimes Hannah really got on my nerves and this was one of those occasions.

‘I understand,’ said Megan, ‘you’ve had enough of the attention.’

I nodded, calming down a bit.

It looked like Hannah wanted to argue and then just shrugged.

‘Whatever,’ she said, ‘but I still love my little Super Hero.’

‘Yuk!’ I replied, my humour suddenly returning.

Auntie Claire was waiting for us.

‘Had a good time girls?’

‘Yes, it was fun. Look at our nails,’ said Hannah brightly.

We displayed our nails in front of her face and wiggled our fingers.

‘Not my colour, but nice,’ she replied. ‘Now, are you ready to go?’

We nodded in unison and then we made our way back to the car, loaded our bags into the boot and got in the car.

Hannah was chatty on the way back, but I couldn’t remember what she actually said. My thoughts were with that poor man who had had a heart attack. I wondered if he was all right. Would it be possible to find out if I rang the hospital later? I didn’t think so, as I wasn’t a relative. Maybe I would never know.

I sighed; I did a lot of that lately. Well, I had done my best and that would have to do. I offered a silent prayer for him to be okay and I just hoped that someone was listening.

We arrived back at Seashell Cottage shortly after dropping Megan off at her home. We would meet up maybe the next day, all being well. I noticed that there were no cars next door and was thankful for that. I had had enough of it all.

At teatime, we sat around the kitchen table and ate a healthy meal of Cornish pasty and chips, followed by equally healthy fresh strawberries and lashings of cream. Uncle was out catching criminals or handing out parking fines.

‘You’re looking a bit pale Emma,’ said Auntie, ‘are you all right?’

‘Fine.’ I replied, ‘just got a bit of a tummy ache.’

‘Not surprising,’ said Hannah, ‘the way you wolfed down that pasty. One second it was there and the next it was gone!’

‘No, my ache is lower down,’

‘Where?’ asked Auntie.

‘Below my belly button.’

‘Hmm.’

‘What do you mean, “hmm”?’ I almost snapped.

‘I think that we need to have a word with the doctor.’

‘Why?’

‘You can’t be too careful. I’ll ring her in a minute. In the meantime, you might want to have a nice warm bath and lie down on your bed for a bit. You look as white as a sheet.’

‘It’s still early to go to bed,’ I whined.

Even to me, that sounded pitiful.

‘Only for a bit, until you feel better.’

Actually, that sounded like a good idea. I wasn’t feeling that fantastic and I kind of liked the idea of a soak and then bed.

‘All right.’ I replied getting up, ‘see you all later.’

Hannah was looking at me with a frown on her face and I wondered why. I did hope that she wouldn’t break her promise not to mention anything about what happened earlier.

It was certainly true that I was feeling tired and out of sorts as I went upstairs and I wondered if I was coming down with something. Maybe the pasty was off? No, otherwise, surely the others would have felt the same unless it was only my pasty affected and anyway, I had only just eaten it. If it was dodgy, it hadn’t had enough time to cause any trouble. Then I remembered that I had a bit of an ache down there when I woke up and a few times during the day. Perhaps I had overdone the running thing?

I shrugged. There was no point what-iffing about it. I removed my makeup using wipes, got undressed, slipped on my dressing gown and went into the bathroom. Using my favourite bubble bath, I was soon sighing as I slipped in the bath. It was nice and warm and I was glad that I took up Auntie’s suggestion. Maybe an early night was a good idea after all? I wasn’t hungry at all as I had a big meal earlier.

I might have a sandwich later, I thought.

I nearly fell asleep in the bath; I was that relaxed. However, the water started to cool a bit and the skin on my hands started to get a bit pruny and the nipples on my nicely budding breasts were standing up like little soldiers, so I reluctantly got out of the bath and dried myself off.

After putting on my bathrobe, I made my way back to the bedroom, I yawned. Why was I so tired?

Then I smiled. What with everything that had happened, it was no wonder I was tired!

On a whim, instead of getting dressed again, I decided to slip into something more comfortable. So I went over to the drawer, pulled out and slipped on my favourite white satin nightie with matching panties. I then pulled the curtains across the window, as it was still light outside, and then got into bed. To say I was relaxed was an understatement and I just kept yawning. I had taken some paracetamol earlier and it had finally kicked in and my aches and pains were just a memory. Even though it wasn’t night-time yet, my eyes closed and I soon fell into a dream-filled sleep.

‘Wake up Emma.’

I was being shaken gently on the shoulder.

‘Whaaa…’

‘Wake up, will you?’

One eye cracked open.

‘Go away Hannah, want to sleep.’

‘You need to see this.’

‘What?’ I asked as I struggled to sit up, still halfway in the land of nod.

‘Pay attention Emma.’

‘I was having a lovely dream and you woke me up. Not funny Hannah.’

‘Never mind that, look at this!’

She had her tablet in her hand and thrusted it in front of me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and tried to concentrate.

She had TikTok open and she pressed the go thingie.

Within seconds, I was wide awake.

There I was in full colour, doing CPR on that poor man. Whoever was videoing knew what he was doing and he gave running commentary.

‘This girl came running to the rescue of Nigel Roberts earlier today and gave him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as others stood around doing nothing. She knew what she was doing and kept him alive.

‘Her hair was getting in the way so one of her friends put it in a ponytail. The plucky girl did a great job and almost certainly saved Nigel’s life.

‘Luckily, it didn’t take too long before the medics arrived and took over. I understand that Nigel is in intensive care but doctors are hopeful. I would love to name this hero of a girl but as she is quite young and almost certainly under eighteen, I’m not allowed to name her, as I might get a hit against me and get the video taken down.’

The scene cut to me sitting on the bench with Hannah and Megan holding my hands. I looked a mess with lipstick smudged and with dark circles under my eyes. Just then the video stopped and I sank back onto the pillow.

‘Can we have it taken down?’ I asked dully.

‘Erm, It’s a bit late for that. It went sort of viral and has been seen by over a hundred thousand people so far.’

I put my head in my hands.

‘Oh no!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

The scene cut to me sitting on the bench with Hannah and Megan holding my hands. I looked a mess with lipstick smudged and with dark circles under my eyes. Just then the video stopped and I sank back onto the pillow.

‘Can we have it taken down?’ I asked dully.

‘Erm, It’s a bit late for that. It went sort of viral and has been seen by over a hundred thousand people so far.’

I put my head in my hands.

‘Oh no!’

And now the story continues…

‘Look, it might not be too bad. Your name hasn’t been mentioned and you don’t look any different to any other normal girl.’

‘Normal, me? You have to be kidding. After what I’ve been through, normal is not a word that applies to me.’

‘Look, don’t get overly dramatic. You’re only sixteen, so you are sort of protected from having your name given out...’

‘Yeah but anyone might recognise me.’

‘Who are you worried about.’

‘My slimeball parents, for example.’

‘Do you look anything like Chris,’

‘Well, I do look a bit different, I suppose,’

‘Well then, I don’t think you need to worry.’

I sighed. Maybe I was being a bit of a drama queen.

‘We’ll deal with it as and when it happens, I suppose.’

‘There’s a good girl,’ she replied patting my head.

‘Leave off you cretin and watch my hair.’

I started to feel that ache in my tummy again. Was it psychological? Things were beginning to get on top of me and I was getting a bit fed up with all that had happened to me.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Auntie came in.

‘Hi, Emma, how are you feeling?’

‘I was ok until a few minutes ago.’

‘Is it about the thing that happened in the park?’

I turned to Hannah.

‘You told her?’ I whined.

‘I didn’t. How do you know about that, Mum?’

‘Three people have phoned me about it and I had a look on YouTube. You did well Emma.’

‘I told you so Hannah! So, I was recognised?’

‘Yes, I’m afraid so. That’s the way the world is at the moment. There doesn’t seem to be any privacy.’

‘Can we have the video taken down? I know that we’ve been through this before and maybe thousands of people have seen it, but maybe not everyone. I don’t want anyone from my past to find me?’

‘That would mean telling whoever runs the Facebook thing about who you are. They would probably need proof or something. I don’t know but I’ll find out.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Right Emma, change of subject. I have spoken to the doctor. She was about to contact you about the scheduled scan; remember that?’

With all that had been going on, I had forgotten that. How could I possibly forget that?

‘What did she say?’

‘Well, I told her about your aches and pains and mood swings…’

‘What mood swings,’ I snapped.

Hannah giggled for some reason and I gave her the look.

‘See?’ said Auntie.

I smiled ruefully. I wasn’t a happy bunny all the time and I think others may have noticed.

‘Sorry. I don’t know I’m doing it. So,’ I continued, ‘what did she say?’

‘The scan was scheduled for next week, but she will arrange to have it brought forward for 10 am tomorrow but no food or drink beforehand. The wonders of private care. She said, that if you feel any worse, contact her immediately.’

‘Okay, I replied, worrying already about what the result may be.

‘Right,’ said Auntie. ‘you had better come down and have something to eat.’

My belly ache wasn’t bad, just a vague ache and nothing else. I was sort of getting used to it. I was hungry, so it wasn’t affecting my appetite.

‘I’ll get dressed and come down,’ I said, getting up.

‘Hannah, you can help me,’ said Auntie firmly.

‘Oh Mum!’

‘Stop whinging,’ she replied, making her way to the door.

Hannah poked her tongue out to her back.

‘And don’t do that,’ said Auntie, without looking back.

Hannah gave me a quick kiss and followed her mum out. I smiled; it was nice seeing those two sparring like that.

I took a couple of painkillers and then got dressed. I went to the closet and reached for a blue sundress as I didn’t want to wear shorts or a skirt with all the pains I was having.

I was hurting a bit down below and I rubbed the area through my nightie. I felt a slight bulge that was a bit painful. Lifting the hem of my nightie, I pulled down my panties slightly and had a look at it. Yes, there was a definite bulge near my pubic bone. And it was very tender to touch.

I wondered why I hadn’t noticed it before.

Rather than getting dressed, I walked out of the bedroom and shouted downstairs.

‘Auntie, can you come up?’

‘OK,’

I went back into the bedroom and waited.

A few seconds later. I could hear her come upstairs.

‘What’s up Emma?’

‘Erm. I have a bit of a lump down below.’

‘What! Let me see, if that’s alright.’

As before I lifted my nightie and showed her the problem.

‘Can I touch it?’ she asked.

I nodded. I had all sorts of fearful thoughts. What with my weird body and the things that I had gone through, I was developing into a grade-one hypochondriac. Was it the dreaded C and was I about to die?

‘Hmm.’

‘Hmm?’

‘Yes.’

She felt around a bit more.

‘Does this hurt?’

‘Ouch!’

‘Sorry honey. Look, you know that I was a nurse, back in the day?’

‘Yes, before Florence Nightingale, wasn’t it?’ I replied innocently.

‘I’ll ignore that young lady. Anyway, I have seen these more than once. Can I try something?’

‘Erm, will it hurt?’

‘For a second. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.’

‘O…OK.’

‘Lie down on the bed.’

I wondered what the hell was going to happen. When I was a kid, I saw an old film called Alien I think, and this man was in a spaceship and was sitting around a dining table with some other people and then this alien burst out of his body. It gave me nightmares for a while…

I lay down as requested, my heart beating away like mad and me sweating like I had run a hundred metres in 5 seconds.

‘Right, relax your belly and take deep breaths.’

‘Easier said than done.’ I murmured.

‘Don’t whine, just do it, there’s a good girl.’

I made efforts to relax and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see the alien…

I felt her cool hands on me and I flinched.

‘I said relax.’

‘Sorry, you’ve got cold hands.’
She rubbed her hands together to warm them and then told me again to relax.

I did as she asked and then she pressed on the lump and there was a bit of pain and then it was gone.

‘There you are,’ remarked Auntie smugly.

‘What?’

I sat up and felt for the lump which wasn’t there anymore.

‘Wow, how did you do that? Some sort of voodoo magic?’

She laughed.

‘No Emma, I believe that you have what is technically termed an inguinal hernia, which is part of your intestine or bowel pokes through your groin. You can, in a lot of cases, push it back in, but you probably need a stitch or two and maybe some synthetic mesh to stop it from happening again.

‘Is that what has caused me all this pain?’

‘Probably, but we’ll get it checked out when you have your scan tomorrow. As it is, no exercise or lifting anything until we get it sorted out. The last thing you want is a strangulated hernia.’

I stood up and hugged her.

‘Thank you Auntie, you’re great!’

‘Try telling that to Hannah!’

We both laughed and she left me to get dressed.

I did feel much better but would heed the warnings about not doing anything strenuous.

A hernia wouldn’t account for the mood swings though. I shrugged, I was doing the “what if” thing and that led nowhere.

After dressing, I went downstairs and had a simple meal of pasty – Cornish, of course – and chips, washed down with an equally healthy Coke.

On instructions from Nurse Auntie, I didn’t do much after that and just rested.

The next morning found me back at the hospital with Auntie. The way things were going, I would have a season ticket for the place!

My intestines or whatever hadn’t flopped out during the night, which was a good thing. I could feel a slight gap where the lump or whatever popped out before and it was a bit tender there, other than that, I was okay.

I was hungry as I hadn’t had breakfast and that hadn’t improved my mood any. I had to bite my tongue when Hannah made a remark that morning that she thought was funny but I didn’t; something about trying to get attention by being ill all the time. At any other time, I would have laughed it off, but my humour chip had a hopefully temporary malfunction.

So there was I on a hospital examination table wearing nothing more than one of those gowns with a draughty opening at the back.

Dr Withers was poking about my groin and belly area and it was, to say the least, a bit uncomfortable.

She had a nurse with her who was taking notes.

I had already had an armful of blood taken from me and various other vitals taken. I had tried to pee into a small specimen bottle but I didn’t want to go. I had to resort to running a tap and then I got wee all over my hand. I wasn’t a very happy Emma.

Anyway, back to the exanimation.

I was due to have the scan in about 15 minutes.

‘Hmm,’ said the doctor.

‘Hmm?’ I replied.

‘Yes, hmm. Ah.’

‘Ah?’

‘Yes, stop being a parrot Emma.’

‘Sorry.’

She poked about a few more areas asking me if this that or the other hurt, some did some didn’t.

It was all old stuff to me. I was getting very used to hospitals and examinations and the fact that getting information out of the medical profession was almost like getting blood out of a stone. If and when I became a doctor, I would hope to be a bit more forthcoming.

‘Right Emma, off to the scan, we’ll talk after.’

I was put in a wheelchair and wheeled out. Why I couldn’t walk, I didn’t know. After all, I had walked in. Mind you, walking in a hospital gown showing all of your rear wasn’t exactly elegant!

Auntie had gone off to do some shopping as she would have only hung about for ages and I didn’t feel like I needed my hand holding this time. I was to call her as and when she was needed, i.e. when Doctor Withers called me in for the dreaded chat.

The MRI scan was a weird experience and somewhat claustrophobic. I had headphones on with what was supposed to be soothing classical music. But I didn’t appreciate it. There were some whirring and humming noises going on at times and although I tried to relax, as requested, it wasn’t in a relaxing mood.

Eventually after about an hour but what seemed to be several, it was finally all over. I wasn’t too worried as the aches and pains I had been getting were obviously to do with the hernia, but at least it was another tick-in-the-box in my gender journey.

Although I wasn’t aware that an MRI scan was the normal thing to have for girls like me. I fully intended to go all the way as soon as I was legally able. I didn’t hate my body, but I wasn’t happy with certain parts of it and I wanted those parts to be changed, as much as possible, to reflect who I really was, a girl.

After getting dressed in my normal clothes, I was asked to sit in the plush, carpeted waiting room with ever-so-comfy chairs. The room had hot and cold drinks dispensers (free) and I had a Coke as my mouth was dry. Evidently, the good doctor was to see me in about half an hour. I texted Auntie to tell her that I had finished being tortured and she replied that I should stop being a diva and that she would be with me shortly.

No sympathy there, I thought smiling.

I had a text from Hannah.

So what’s up?

Just out of the MRI room. Bored, waiting for your Mum.

R U OK?

‘Yes, we have to see the doctor shortly.

‘You’ll be OK. You’re a tough nut.

I am not a nut!

Yes U R, you’re my nut.

Aww xxx

Same to you, xxx got to go. Next boring lecture in a minute (yawn).

Bye xxx

Bye snookums, xxx

Snookums?

My new name for you.

I prefer Emma, sweetheart or darling.

OK, honeybunch, bye, got to go xxx

I put my phone down, smiling. She did cheer me up sometimes!

Just then the door opened and Auntie came in.

‘Hi Emma, how did it go?’

So I told her.

‘Well, at least it's over. I had a scan a while back. It’s not much fun.’

She had a few bags with her and she said that she had done a bit of shopping. – jeans and a top.

I was going to ask to have a look, but a nurse came in and asked us to follow her.

A few moments later, we were back in the doctor’s office sitting opposite Dr Withers, who was looking through some papers and looking at her computer.

‘Won’t be a sec,’ she said, absent-mindedly.

I looked at Auntie and she smiled reassuringly.

‘Right, let’s get down to it. Firstly, yes you have a small hernia that needs sorting straight away and I’ll make arrangements to have the minor keyhole surgery to sort that out in a few days. Nothing to worry about, but that was probably the cause of your niggling pains. Now the results of the MRI show that there isn’t anything to worry about down below.’

‘So I have male bits only?’

‘That’s right. Mind you, it’s good that you had to have your testicles removed. As we have spoken about before, due to your taking those pills for a long length of time, they were atrophied and could have turned cancerous if left in for much longer. You look a bit sad, why?’

I sighed.

‘I was kind of hoping that the pains I was having were maybe period pains and that I had a nice set of female parts hidden in there, just ready to be revealed and after a minor op, I would then be a fully functioning, maybe even a childbearing woman. I have read many stories about that happening, you know, a caterpillar chrysalis turning into a beautiful butterfly…’

‘Fiction?’

I nodded and sighed.

‘Sorry about that,’ said the doctor smiling, ‘you will just have to make do with what you’ve got and when the time comes and you decide if you actually want to go the full way, you will be the best girl you can be.’

‘That’s right Emma,’ interjected Auntie, in my opinion, not very helpfully, ‘be happy that you are relatively healthy and that those pills didn’t cause you any more problems than they could have.’

‘What about my mood swings?’

‘So you noticed that?’ said Auntie.

‘Erm, sort of. Sometimes I’m up and other times I’m really down and I snap at people. I never used to do that. A lot of the time I’m angry and I don’t know why. I’m worried that Hannah might go off me.’

‘No danger of that,’ said Auntie, ‘she thinks that the sun shines out of your…’

‘Yes, right, ’ interrupted Doctor Withers, ‘the feelings that you have and your ups and downs are to do with your hormones. For a lengthy time you were taking pills that caused problems and your body, now that you are off of them, is in a period of adjustment. In addition to this, you have the added complication of androgen insensitivity syndrome, which also messes with your hormone levels. You have got to expect periods where you feel a bit off, not unlike most teenagers, male and female. Things should settle down a bit eventually but don’t blame yourself. It’s something that you have very little control over.’

‘Try to count to ten before you boil over,’ said Auntie, ‘my mum taught me that when was going through a stage where I thought that the whole world was against me and it helped a bit.’

Basically, that was the end of the consultation. I was going to have the apparently minor op in a few days and it would be an outpatient thing and I would be able to go home shortly after. If I had waited for the NHS to do the op, I might have been a pensioner before the work was carried out, but as I was under private care for everything else, it was just part of the overall treatment that I was getting.

A win-win for me and no chance of the bulge getting nasty and turning into a strangulated hernia.

I was a bit disappointed with the results of the MRI, although it was great that there were no signs of cancer and that things down below were fairly normal but only normal for the male of the species. I shouldn’t have read so many stories online about magical transformations. Real life wasn’t that amazing unless you were incredibly lucky.

After leaving the hospital, we went to Starbucks for drinks and a yummy cake. I had a latte for once as I wanted a change from my usual hot chocolate. I got the drinks and cakes as a treat for Auntie for being so nice and helpful over the last few days. She found a quietish table by the window.

The boy who served me looked only slightly older than me.

‘Two latte’s please and two of those lovely cakes.’

I pointed at the ones I wanted. They should have carried a government health warning as they undoubtedly had an obscene number of calories in them.

‘Not seen you here before, I would have noticed someone as pretty as you.’

He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows for some reason and then ran his fingers through his hair. Not very hygienic but there you are.

As a chat-up line it wasn’t very original, but I was flattered, sort of, that he thought that I was pretty.

‘Thanks, I have been here before with my girlfriend.’

He turned his smile off as if with a switch and then completed the order without another word.

I mentally shrugged, glad that he wasn’t my type. Were all boys of a certain age like that, thinking that they were God’s gift to women? Maybe I was overthinking things and he was just being a normal boy. I wouldn’t know. I was never a normal boy!

I paid him and smiled as I took the tray from the counter. He wouldn’t look at me for some reason.

I arrived at the table and soon I was demolishing the cake with some relish.

‘Slow down Emma. You’re like Charlie the lab, bolting it down and not touching the sides!’

‘Sorry,’ I replied, spraying the table with a few crumbs.

Auntie shook her head.

‘You’re worse than that flaming daughter of mine. When I was young, I never did that. I was the perfect daughter.’

I looked at her incredulously and we both laughed.

I was facing the counter and that boy was looking at me. He didn’t look happy. He was talking to a girl, one of the other servers. He then pointed at me and laughed.

I frowned.

‘What?’ asked Auntie.

‘That boy who served me was hitting on me, I’m sure. He called me pretty and now he’s saying things about me to another server.’

‘Why worry? You are pretty. Girls like compliments.’

‘I told him that I had been in here with my girlfriend before and he turned off his smile and now he’s talking about me with that girl.’

I was getting upset. Here we go again. I thought.

‘Emma.’

‘What?’ I said distractedly. I wanted to go over there and wipe that smirk off his face…

‘Emma, look at me.’

She held my hand across the table.

I tore my eyes away from the boy and girl and looked at Auntie.

‘Count to ten.’

‘What?’

‘Remember what I said. Count to ten and maybe think of fluffy baby bunny rabbits.’

I did as she asked and it did help a bit, and I calmed down. Those imaginary bunnies are so cute!

‘Now listen to me. You are going to get comments from boys. It’s a thing that they do. Not all boys are nasty. Some, most actually, are just normal teenagers. They are frightened of rejection or they are shy or they have their own hormone imbalances. You telling him about a girlfriend probably bruised his pride a bit and he’s reacting to that. Also, he might be prejudiced against gays, it happens. Don’t overthink it and let it go.’

I smiled and without thinking said, ‘I wish that you had been my mum when I was born… Oh sorry, I shouldn’t have said that!’

I looked down, not wanting to look at her. Why had I said that? What had gotten into me? She would hate me and not want to know me and think that I was just trying…trying…I don’t know what…

‘Emma, look at me.’

I looked up. She was smiling. Maybe I hadn’t hurt her feelings?

‘Don’t be sorry, that’s a nice compliment.’

She had a slight frown on her face and started to say something but stopped. Then she nodded to herself and continued.

‘John and I have spoken about this already. As far as we are concerned, you haven’t had a proper family, except for your nan, since you were born. It’s about time that you have a real family that can love and support you. I know that we haven’t known you for long, but we do love you, almost as much as our Hannah. You have added to our family and you are a joy to be around.

‘If you are agreeable, we would love and be honoured to be your surrogate or foster parents you like. Even though you don’t really need this as you are over sixteen. Would you like that?’

I nodded. I had a lump in my throat and my eyes felt watery for some reason.

‘OK, if you’re sure.’

That set me off and I burst into tears. Not a good thing when you are in the middle of a busy coffee shop. I was sure that everybody was looking at me and it took a few minutes to get myself together again.

Suddenly the boy who had served and flirted with me came over carrying a couple of drinks on a tray. This was all I needed. I knew I looked like a wreck and I was sure that he was going to have a go at me!

He looked at me.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Erm, yes,’ I sniffed.

Was my nose running?

‘Sorry if I upset you earlier. I’m not like that really. My mouth didn’t ask my brain what to say and I just blurted out rubbish.’

‘Erm, that’s alright,’ I said.

‘Here’s some drinks on the house. Have a nice day.’

He put the drinks down and just walked off.

I, of course, burst out in tears again.

Bloody hormones!

We arrived home a short time later. Hannah was still in college and Uncle, or was that Dad now, was at work catching criminals or giving out parking fines. What did he do? I didn’t know too much but doubted, on reflection, that he had much to do with parking! Sometimes he was in uniform and sometimes not. I would have to grill and interview him about it sometime.

Mum (I am going to call her that now, whether you like it or not) was doing mysterious things in the kitchen and I went upstairs to repair my ravaged face. Crying is not good for the complexion and I nearly screamed when I looked at my blotched tear-stained face in the mirror. It was a good job that I wore no makeup when I went into Penzance as it wasn’t allowed for some reason when you have a scan.

I decided to have a quick shower, as I felt a bit grubby after all that had happened and after stripping down to the nuddy, I enjoyed the nice warm water as it cascaded over my body. As the water hit my nipples I shivered. That was a nice feeling. My small breasts were growing larger and I was definitely getting more girly-looking, body-wise.

I began to wonder if my bottom was getting rather large. Well, large compared to what it had been before. Maybe it was my imagination. I would have to ask Hannah and she, no doubt, would like to have a look and a feel to check for herself and I would have no problem with that.

As I showered, I reflected on my day so far and the momentous decision, as far as I was concerned, that I would have Auntie and Uncle as foster parents. It was nothing legal as it would be a private arrangement, but it was nice to feel belonged and gave it me a warm glow in my belly thinking of them as Mum and Dad. In future, I decided that I would call my original parents Father and Mother to avoid any confusion. I would like to call them something else, but I’m a polite girl and that wouldn’t do!

After my shower, I put on my bra, tucking the girls nicely in their padded cups, pulled up my panties and then after a few moments of deliberation, I chose a white silky top and black pleated skirt. I then put on some light subtle makeup, as I wasn’t going clubbing after all.

After that, I tried to get down to some serious studying, although it was hard to concentrate after all that had happened recently. What with saving that man in the park and the subsequent YouTube video, together with the threats and intimidation I had experienced recently, I had a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me.

Eventually, I pulled myself together and soon I was deep into bowels (don’t ask), thoroughly into the learning zone. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

‘Hi Emma, what yer doin’’

‘Hannah, you nearly gave me a heart attack!’

‘That’s alright, you can give yourself resus. Ha, ha, ha.’

‘Very funny.’

I stood up and we had a bit of a kiss and cuddle which helped my blood pressure no end. I couldn’t concentrate after that and so we went downstairs and into the garden armed with ice-cold drinks. I had mineral water with ice cubes as I didn’t want to rot my teeth and Hannah had a Coke, both from the fridge.

Mum (I loved thinking of her as that) smiled as we went outside. She was doing some baking and had managed to get some flour on her face and in her hair. She was a bit of a messy cook, but she had a talent for producing lovely food.

We sat down in the sun with Charlie lying down beside us, panting in the heat. With a fur coat like his, I wondered why he didn’t go inside or somewhere in the shade. Daft dog!

‘So, how did it go?’ asked Hannah.

So I told her.

‘So you aren’t at death's door then?’

‘No, you will still have to put up with me for a while longer.’

‘Pity, I look nice in black and I like to have a good cry at funerals.’

‘Hannah!’

‘What?’

‘We need to have a sensible chip put in your brain. The things you come out with. I’ll tell Mum if you don’t stop being silly.’

She looked puzzled.

‘Mum? I thought that you didn’t want to have anything to do with her.’

I think I went red in the face, it certainly felt it.

‘Erm, I mean your Mum.’

‘My Mum? She’s your Auntie, sort of. What are you calling her Mum for?’

‘We erm, had a little chat in Starbucks. I was upset after a boy hit on me.’

‘Hit you?’

‘No hit on me, open your ears, will you? She saw that I was upset and we got talking and…and she said that if I wanted, they would love to be my alternative mum and dad. Sort of surrogates or foster parents if you like… She said that it was obvious that I thought my own parents stunk to high heaven or words to that effect, then they…they, that is your parents, would like to be my foster parents and I could call them Mum and Dad I…if I wanted to, I mean, them to be sort of Mum and Dad and I said…I did…’

I tailed off. I was burbling and not making sense to my ears. She looked annoyed upset and not very happy. My face felt hot and I was feeling a bit faint. This was going so badly. Maybe I should have thought about it a bit longer, maybe or spoken to Hannah before I…

‘And you have only just decided to tell me?’ she said through gritted teeth.

She was frowning. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

‘Oh God, you don’t like it. I’m sorry, I’ll tell her that we can’t…’

I made to get up, feeling terrible. The last thing I wanted to do was to upset Hannah.

She grabbed my hand, sighed and smiled and then giggled.

‘Sit down silly. Sorry, I’m pulling your chain. Mum and Dad asked if I would mind when I spoke to them yesterday. I said it was cool, I would have a sister and lover all rolled into one, sort of a two-for-one deal. Isn’t that cool?’

I looked at her.

‘Are you sure? I don’t want to upset you.’

‘Nah, you couldn’t upset me. I like, think that it’s really neat that you’re like, even more part of the family now.’

She had that smug look that she sometimes displayed which was slightly annoying at times.

I stood up.

‘I have to go next door to my cottage to grab some textbooks. See you in a minute.’

‘No problem.’

She still had that annoying almost superior look on her smug face.

With my glass in hand, I turned to go.

‘Oh Hannah?’

‘Hmmm?’

‘You look a bit hot. Let me cool you down.’

I tipped my glass of water, complete with a few ice cubes down her back and ran for it.

I was sure that you could hear her screams in Penzance…

I went through the kitchen, Mum looked up.

‘What’s up with Hannah?’

‘She erm spilt a drink. Just popping next door. Mum, you do know that you have chocolate sauce on your ear?’

‘Oh, have I? I had better clean up. John will be home soon and I want to clear up the mess before he gets here. He’s not keen on mess. Whenever he cooks, everything stays a lot cleaner and tidier, damn him!’

I laughed and left her to it.

I picked up my keys from the hook and went next door. I had a good look around first. I didn’t want any nasty surprises like those people who had threatened me.

I let myself in and was pleased that there were no unwelcome notes on the doormat.

Smiling, I went upstairs and picked up the textbooks I needed for the next day. I wasn’t spending much time in my cottage and Hannah and I thought that it might be a nice idea to use it as an alternative to Shell Cottage in the evenings. We could do things that might not be approved of and watch our things on the TV rather than Mum and Dad’s boring choices.

I smiled again about the Mum and Dad thing. It was so lovely to be able to call them that and it was so important to me that they felt enough love for me to allow me to be more of a part of their family.

I went downstairs and looked in the fridge and saw a bar of chocolate that cried out to be eaten. As I didn’t wasn’t keen on sharing it with that gannet called Hannah, I swiftly ate half of it and put the remainder back in the fridge. I then washed the chocolate down with a glass of water and then I was ready to go.

I checked that my lipstick was okay in the hall mirror. I hadn’t smudged it and the rest of my makeup still looked nice and fresh. I still hadn’t gotten used to my now long hair and remembered that I would have to go back to the salon for a check-up. The last I wanted was for the extensions to fall out. I twisted my earrings as the holes were still relatively new. I fingered the gold necklace with a small cross. It belong to my nan and it reminded me of her.

I missed her so much; I could almost taste it. I wondered how she would react to me looking like this. I think in my heart that she would definitely approve.

I noticed a spec of chocolate on a silky top and removed it carefully. The last thing I wanted was a brown stain that might be hell to remove on the delicate material.

With the key in hand and books cradled in my chest, I opened the door and gasped.

There, in front of me was Anne, my sister!

‘Sorry, I must have the wrong…erm, Christopher, is that you?’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

I noticed a spec of chocolate on my silky top and removed it carefully. The last thing I wanted was a brown stain that might be hell to remove on the delicate material.

With the key in hand and books cradled in my chest, I opened the door and gasped.

There, in front of me was Anne, my sister!

‘Sorry, I must have the wrong…erm, Christopher, is that you?’

And now the story continues…

I slammed the door in her face and sank to the ground.

It couldn’t be her!

But it was!

Anne!

There was a loud knock on the door.

I did nothing. I was breathing heavily as if I had just done a five-mile run. My heart was hammering in my chest and I felt like I was about to faint.

There was another and another knock.

‘Chris, answer the door.’

I was near to panic. How did she find me? What the hell was going on? maybe she’ll go away?

Just three things out of many that I thought of in a very few moments.

Another knock, much louder this time.

‘Chris, I’m not going away, answer the damn’ door!’

She sounded a bit annoyed.

I grabbed my phone and texted.

Mum, Anne has turned up. She’s outside.

My mother and father and maybe my brother might be nearby. I was worried, to say the least.

Strike that I wasn’t worried, I was terrified!

And still, she knocked and shouted for me to open the door. She was making enough noise to raise the dead.

I wouldn’t answer it. I couldn’t answer it. It was my worst nightmare; that they would come and get me or try to make me go back with them.

It was irrational. They couldn’t stand the sight of me. Why would they have any interest in what I was doing or where I had disappeared to?

The knocking and shouting had suddenly stopped.

I could hear voices, although I couldn’t make out what they were talking about but I think that it was just my new Mum and Anne. I couldn’t hear anyone else. Maybe the rest of my hated family weren’t around?

After a few moments, the voices gradually faded away.

After a few moments, I felt brave enough to look out through my letterbox.

No-one there.

They could be hidden around the corner though.

I went and sat down in the kitchen after making doubly sure that all the doors were locked. I then got up and grabbed a glass and had a drink of water, my teeth chattering slightly against the glass.

Why was I so panicky?

I was sixteen now and I had the law on my side. I couldn’t be forced to go back with them, could I?

But they didn’t want me anyway. They had made it abundantly clear over the years that they did not love me or want to have anything to do with me. I didn’t want them either.

I was going around in circles. Nothing made sense.

I wondered what was going on. Anne had gone away. Mum might be doing something but I didn’t know what.

My phone bleeped. It was Hannah.

Wots goin on? I’ve been told to disappear up to my room like a 10-year-old and this strange girl is with Mum. She looks a bit like you.

I texted back.

It’s my sister

Blimey, heavy stuff. Want me to duff her up a bit?

Not yet, maybe later.

Want me to sneak out and come to you?

Not now but I might need a cuddle later.

Ok honey. You know where I am. In our bedroom like some little kid.

I had to smile despite my problems.

Love u. xxx

U 2 with bells on. xxx

I put my phone down feeling marginally better, despite my problems.

It was quiet for about five minutes with me winding myself up with “what if” scenarios that did me absolutely no good.

I was sitting at the table feeling miserable when my phone rang.

It was Mum.

‘Emma, are you okay?’

‘Not really. What’s going on?’

‘You can come back now.’

‘Is my sister still with you?’

‘Yes,’

‘What about my parents?’

‘They’re not here; they are in London.’

‘I don’t want to see her.’

‘It’s best that you do.’

‘She hates me.’

‘She doesn’t. Look come home, will you? I promise that everything will be all right.’

I thought for a moment.

‘All right I’ll come back, but if she says anything nasty or starts shouting at me, I’m out of there.’

‘It’s going to be all right. Please come home Dear.’

‘Okay, but I mean it; any problems and I’m leaving.’

Reluctantly I got up and left the cottage. I realised that I would have to face her as she didn’t seem to be going anywhere.

I took the short walk from my cottage to what I considered my new home. Going in, I shut the front door quietly and went into the kitchen.

Mum was there by herself.

She took one look at me and came over, hugging me fiercely.

‘Right Emma. You need to speak to her. It’s for her to tell you what you need to know. I promise you that you will want to hear what she says.’

‘But I’m a girl.’

‘That’s obvious; have you looked in the mirror lately?’

‘She thinks I’m a boy.’

‘Does she? Look, I promised her that I would let her explain herself to you. She’s in the sitting room. Go now, please.’

She kissed me on the cheek and smiled.

I looked at her and knew that I was not going to get any more information from her.

I sighed, turned away and found myself heading for the sitting room, my heart almost literally in my mouth.

Standing outside, I took a deep breath and then opened the door.

She was looking out of the window, arms folded. She looked a little taller than I remembered and her hair was longer. She was eighteen now. Legally an adult. She was wearing jeans and a blue silky top. The combo suited her.

On hearing me she turned around and looked at me.

‘Hello Emma, you look nice.’

She was smiling. She was pretty when she smiled.

‘Erm, thanks.’ I replied awkwardly.

‘Shall we sit down?’

I nodded.

I sat on the settee, making sure I swept my skirt under me as I did so.

She sat opposite in an armchair.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked, my voice sounding slightly harsh.

She smiled ruefully.

‘Mmm, well I didn’t expect much of a welcome. Not surprising after all you went through.’

She looked out of the window for a moment and then back at me.

‘Claire told me about what’s been going on in your life. I understand that you call Claire and John, Mum and Dad now and that they’ve sort of adopted you.’

‘Yes, they are a hundred times better than my old parents and Hannah is my new sister and girlfriend too.’

She nodded.

She was calm as if nothing would surprise her about me.

‘I’ve not come to hurt you in any way. Can I explain a few things to you?’

‘I’m not going home.’

‘I don’t expect you to. I wouldn’t be in your position either. In fact, I don’t live there anymore. Are you ready to listen without jumping down my throat?’

I nodded reluctantly.

‘Firstly…’

The door crashed open and Hannah stormed in. She was red in the face and looked about ready to explode.

‘Don’t you dare hurt my Emma,’ she shouted, looking menacingly at Anne.

Anne didn’t seem too worried about the outburst.

‘I don’t intend to. You must be Hannah?’

‘Yes. I mean it. She’s my girlfriend and sister and I won’t have you upsetting her.’

‘ I won’t; girl guides honour.’

‘Hmm, are you all right with this Em?’

‘Yes, although I don’t remember you being in the girl guides, Anne.’

‘I was for about two weeks. Mum insisted that I go. I hated it; too many people ordering me about, a bit like at home. Look Hannah, if you want to stay, I don’t mind, if Chr… sorry Emma doesn’t mind.’

Without asking me Hannah plonked down heavily beside me and grasped my hand.

I looked at Anne enquiringly.

‘Right, I want you to understand Emma that I never hated you.’

‘What!’

‘It’s true I never did. In fact, I was jealous of you.’

‘Jealous?’

‘Yes. You know mum. She was always all over me like a rash. Making me do what she wanted me to do. She dressed me up and treated me like a little doll. She was suffocating and I had no freedom to do what I wanted to do, ever. She was always pushing me to be the brightest, best girl in school. I pretended to like her being like that. I wanted an easy life and any time I tried to push against her, she went ballistic. She frightened the life out of me. You know how intense she can be. I know now that she had a screw loose. Some sort of hormonal imbalance or some such. She had a bad time giving birth to you and evidently suffered from bipolar postpartum depression. I only found out about this recently and I think that that accounted for why she is what she is.’

‘So she’s sick?’ I asked.

‘I suppose so.’

‘And she took it all out on me?’

‘And me too in a different way and I suppose even Tommy. Anyway, as I say, I was jealous of you. I didn’t realise how much you must have suffered. I just thought that you were effectively out of the firing line where she was concerned. I got all the cloying attention and you were ignored. She just didn’t care about you and Dad, being a weak individual, has always been under her thumb and followed her lead.’

‘He’s a big man and strong enough to deal with her, surely.’ I protested.

‘You would have thought so, wouldn’t you? But he loved her, maybe doted on her and toed the line as far as she was concerned. Regarding Tommy, Dad decided to try to make him strong and aggressive, I think because he couldn’t be that way himself with Mum. He wanted his son to be a stronger individual than he could ever be.’

‘I don’t believe this.’

‘Yes it is hard to believe, isn’t it? Well, it's true. Before you sneaked away, I was already planning to go. I did not need to stay with them with Mum’s continual cloying attention dragging me down. I was going to university, Oxford actually. I had the money, Nan left me some in her will, more than enough to pay for a decent education. She was a one, wasn’t she? She realised that I was caught in a situation not of my making. I know that you were Nan’s favourite, but I honestly didn’t mind. You had a raw deal from dear Mummy and Daddy and deserved all you were given by her.’

‘Nan helped you as well as me?’

‘Yes, and she helped Tommy too financially. He’s much nicer than the obnoxious slob he was while living at home; once out of our parents' toxic influence, he found a girlfriend at university. She has her head screwed on and has turned him around. I think that you might like him better now.’

‘Nan never told me this.’

‘No, she never told us about you either.’

‘So how do you know about me?’

‘I’d like to know that too,’ said Hannah who always liked to be part of the conversation. She had been bursting to say something, anything, for a while now.

‘Antonia.’

‘What our cousin, the solicitor?’

‘Yes. Nan had given instructions to keep a close eye on us all and if and when the time was right, try to get you, Tommy and me back together somehow. She never gave us specifics about how to do that, as Nan had no idea if her plans would work out. Antonia wasn’t to give too much away but just enough to nudge us in the right direction.’

‘Did Antonia tell you about me being a girl?’

‘No, just that you had changed for the better and you might have moved down to the West Country.’

‘How did you know I was here?’

‘I guessed it as a possibility. I did the Miss Marple thing and sort of investigated. You were always very close to Nan and I wondered if you might move down here. Nan once mentioned, I think by mistake, that she had a cottage in Porthlowen that she occasionally went down to. I thought about that and wondered what happened to it after she died. There was no mention in the will about it. I made some enquiries and found out that she hadn’t sold it; easy enough to find things like that out on the Internet. I came down yesterday on a whim and stayed at the local pub, The Nags Head.

‘Early this morning I came across an old postman and asked about Nan’s cottage. I said that I wanted to see it whilst I was in the area. He probably shouldn’t have told me, but he was so chatty, I couldn’t get away from him. He told me more than I would ever want to know about certain members of the community. He then said that an Emma Penhaligon was living in the cottage now.’

'Oops.’ I said.

‘Yes, oops,’ she laughed, ‘You should have chosen Smith or something rather than Nan’s surname. Anyway, I wondered if it was another relative that she had given the cottage to. Then I knocked on the door and there, in front of me, was a pretty girl that I sort of somehow recognised.’

‘Me,’

‘Yes, you.’

‘And do you like the new me?’ I asked rather shyly.

‘Of course, you’re my sister. The one who used to borrow my clothes when I was little.’

‘You knew?’ I gasped.

‘Yes. I saw you once when I came home early from school. You had one of my old dresses on in your bedroom. You looked rather pretty even though the dress was about three sizes too big for you. Also, I saw that some of my clothes were in slightly different places sometimes.’

‘You never said anything.’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘I heard you tell Mum and Dad when you were very little that you was a girl and you wanted to be like me. I liked that. I wasn’t keen on boys and I thought that anyone with a bit of sense would want to be a girl rather than a horrid smelly boy. I would much rather have had a sister rather than another brother like Tommy.’

‘You should have said. I would have loved to have been your sister.’

‘And get treated like me with Mum? I didn’t realise how she felt about you. You really wouldn’t have wanted her cloying attention anyway. I do know now that she still wouldn’t love you whether you were a boy or a girl.’

Hannah was still holding my hand. She wasn’t saying anything. Very unusual for her.

‘Because she’s ill?’

‘Partly; but there’s another reason.’

‘What.’

She looked at me.

‘I’m not sure I should tell you. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Tell her,’ said Hannah, ‘you can’t leave it like that.’

‘Before I left home, Mum and Dad were constantly quarrelling. It had gotten worse since you left. Tommy had already disappeared off the scene. They had no one to spite against, I suppose, and they turned on each other. I was glad that I wasn’t targeted. Mum still thinks I’m her little Barbie Girl.’

She shivered and then continued.

‘Dad said that he was fed up with her moods and that she had driven Tommy away and she was driving me away too. I didn’t know what he meant but then he carried on to say that their marriage was all lies…Look, I’m not sure that I should tell you this.’

‘Too late. I need to know.’

I was gripping Hannah’s hand tightly and she moaned slightly.

I turned to her.

‘Sorry Hannah. Do you want to go outside?’

‘Not on your life. I want to hear this.’

I loosened my grip on her now slightly sweaty hand.

‘Okay,’ said Anne sighing, ‘here goes. It looks like Mum had an affair with someone, I don’t know who, so don’t ask me. Dad found out about it because he had suspicions and had her followed by a private investigator. Dad said that he was going to leave her but Mum persuaded him to stay; saying it was a one-off and meant nothing. Evidently, things changed after that. Dad only stayed with Mum because of Tommy and to a lesser extent me. He was surprised when she got pregnant again and he tried to get Mum to have an abortion but you know Mum, she’s deeply religious and doesn’t believe in abortion.’

‘If she is so deeply religious and believes in the sanctity of marriage, why did she have an affair?’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t know anything about it until recently,’ replied my sister.

‘When I was younger,’ I said, ‘ I overheard them speaking about me and that Mum should never have had me as she was on the pill. They never wanted me and I got the blame for all the problems they had afterwards.’

‘It wasn’t your fault Emma so don’t even think it. Anyway after they got over the shock of having you, Dad went soft again and Mum got the upper hand. Even though he’s big and strong, he’s mentally weak and Mum was once again, the boss. This changed when first Tommy then you and finally I left home. He started to hate Mum and her constant sniping.’

We were quiet for a few moments and then I picked up the conversation.

‘So Dad has stopped being a doormat with Mum now?’

‘Yes; I think something snapped. For too long he’s been under her thumb because of misplaced love. He’s getting a divorce. I think that he realises that he has wasted his life with her. All of us children leaving home at short notice must have turned him somehow. I don’t know, but I’m only guessing.’

‘Divorce?’

‘Yes, and Mum didn’t take it well. Dad is living in a hotel and Mum is under the doctor. She was in a mental hospital for about a week, but was released a few days ago. I know this because I’ve kept in touch with Mrs Jenkins next door. So now you know. Lovely family, aren’t we?’

I let go of Hannah’s hand with a smile and got up.

Anne stood up too, looking uncertain.

‘Oh Anne!’

I went over to her and gave her a big hug.

Hannah came over and joined us.

Soon we were all in tears – happy tears.

Life, for me, was never going to be the same again. I had my sister back and hopefully my brother too.

At last, my previous life was making more sense. My mother and father had issues, disturbing issues and I was not to blame. It wasn’t my fault that I had been born. I was obviously lucky that Mum didn’t have an abortion. That was one thing I was thankful for. From the day I was born, I wasn’t given any love from my parents and I could never forgive them for that, even though they had serious issues themselves.

No more guilt trips that I was to blame for the way they treated me.

I was only thankful that Anne and I had found each other at long last. I hoped that sometime I would meet up with Tommy and his girlfriend so that we could repair the damage caused by our toxic upbringing.

That afternoon, I went for a walk along the beach with Anne. Hannah was giving me and Anne a bit of space to get to know each other properly. We had a lot of catching up to do.

‘So Anne,’ I asked, ‘when did you leave home?’

‘A short while after you. They couldn’t stop me but Mum tried her hardest to get me to stay. It was creepy the way she was behaving, almost hysterical. Like you, I left it until late at night when I knew she was asleep. She uses sleeping pills and Dad had been drinking, a lot, so I had no problem leaving undetected. Perhaps I should have told them my plans, but I just couldn’t take the grief that would cause. I’m due to go up to Oxford in a week’s time, so I can stay around here for a bit if you want me to.’

I put my arm in hers.

‘That would be great. I don’t start my studies proper until next term.’

‘So my little sister is going to be a doctor?’

‘I hope so. What are you studying at Oxford?’

‘The law, I want to be a barrister.’

‘Wow, how long will that take?’

‘Three years in college and then a one-year bar course followed by one-year pupillage, all paid for by Nan. I wish that we had been closer.’

‘It looks like you’ll be in education almost as long as me!’

We both laughed.

‘So,’ I asked, ‘is anyone in your life?’

‘You mean romantically?’

‘Yes.’

‘Not at the moment. Mum discouraged anything like that and I was too weak to do anything about it; something I’ll always regret. I haven’t had much opportunity until now but I’m hoping some incredibly handsome hunk might turn up in college.’

‘Boys do nothing for me. Do you mind that I prefer girls, or one in particular?’

‘Of course not. Hannah’s nice but a bit extreme sometimes!’

‘That’s my Hannah.’

‘Do you like it down here, it’s a bit far away from any action?’

‘I like it. It definitely grows on you.’

‘So, tell me about how things have been since you left home.’

So I told her. I won’t repeat it all as, if you have been paying attention, you already know.

By the time I finished my story, we had made our way to the coffee shop and were sitting outside sipping our drinks.

Anne had a flat white coffee and I had a hot chocolate, despite the weather being so warm.

Anne looked a bit shocked.

‘You were lucky you weren’t raped by that boy.’

‘I know. If he had gone much further he would have had a bit of a shock as I had unwanted extras in my panties.’

‘Are you going to have corrective surgery on your bits?’

‘As soon as I’m old enough. I could go abroad now to have it all done, but you hear stories and anyway, I am still growing and I’m patient enough to wait. When the time comes, I’ll go private to avoid waiting lists. I’m already under a private hospital and doctor and it will all be arranged through there.’

‘So, those boys who attacked you. They’re pleading not guilty?’

‘Yes, they want their day in court. Well Ms Barrister, what do you think of their chances?’

‘Slim to none. I would have thought. Their solicitor should read them the facts of life. They will probably be dealt more harshly than if they plead guilty.’

‘I think that they want to humiliate and embarrass me in court.’

‘A lot of rapists like to do that. It’s a power thing.’

‘Then there is the fact that I have been threatened.’

‘Yes; that’s not good. At least your brand spanking new Daddy is a policeman and will protect you!’

We both laughed at that.

She sipped her drink, looked at me appraisingly and shook her head slightly.

‘What?’

‘How anyone could ever think that you were a boy, I’ll never know. Look at you in that pretty sundress and hair down to your shoulders. You look stunning with that flawless makeup. You cow, you are better at this girlie look than me and you blush like a girl. You were never in a million years, a boy!’

We both giggled at her outburst. I did like this new version of my sister and I wished that I had known more of her like that than the rather remote one that I was used to.

‘Tommy was always confused about you,’ said Anne after a while, ‘you never acted what he considered a boy to be like. Growing up under Dad made him think that all boys should be big and strong; never cry and try to beat the hell out of everyone else at everything.’

‘Some girls are competitive.’ I protested.

‘Yes, but boys are different. Tommy liked to show off how good he was at things like football and cricket. He had to be the best and that was because Dad prodded him on. The fact that he wasn’t the best, made Dad all the pushier. As I’ve already said, despite what he appeared to be to us, Dad wasn’t dominant in our house; Mum was and I think that he took it all out on our Tommy.’

I looked out at the people going past. This was the holiday season now and you could tell the visitors from the locals. Visitors in bright sometimes inappropriate clothes and locals, more subdued and normal. Hawaiian shirts and shorts don’t look good on middle-aged men with paunches and don’t get me started on what some of the women wore!

Was I getting a bit catty?

I looked at my watch.

‘I suppose we should get back. Mum will have food on the table soon and she doesn’t like it to go to waste or get cold.’

We gradually made our way back to Seashell cottage

‘I like your new Mum. I don’t blame you for sort of unofficially divorcing our parents. They haven’t done much for you or any of us for that matter.’

‘No, they haven’t. Am I wrong to hate them? I know now that Mother, as I like to call her, is ill. Should I feel guilty about it?’

‘After she and Dad abused you? No, I don’t think so. As I’ve said before, none of this is your fault. You’ve started a new life. You should let the past stay there and move on. I’m doing it, so is Tommy and I think you should too.’

Our heart-to-heart chat made me feel better. For years I had wondered if it was my fault that they didn’t love me. Now I was older, I could finally see the bigger picture and start looking forward rather than back at my troubled past.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

‘I like your new Mum. I don’t blame you for sort of unofficially divorcing our parents. They haven’t done much for you or any of us for that matter.’

‘No, they haven’t. Am I wrong to hate them? I know now that Mother, as I like to call her, is ill. Should I feel guilty about it?’

‘After she and Dad abused you? No, I don’t think so. As I’ve said before, none of this is your fault. You’ve started a new life. You should let the past stay there and move on. I’m doing it, so is Tommy and I think you should too.’

Our heart-to-heart chat made me feel better. For years I had wondered if it was my fault that they didn’t love me. Now I was older, I could finally see the bigger picture and start looking forward rather than back at my troubled past.

And now the story continues…

It was decided that Anne would stay with us, despite her protests that she didn’t want to put us out. She was given the room that I would have had if I hadn’t been sharing with Hannah. She had about a week before she had to go to Oxford to sort out her accommodation and studies for the next term.

Thanks to our dear Nan, she had no financial worries about paying for the fees and accommodation. Antonia had never told us of the extent of Nan’s fortune, but it appears that she was rather wealthy and had made shrewd investments throughout her lifetime. She made sure that certain monies would be available to us when we reached an age. What that age was, we had no idea. In the meantime, our education was being paid for and other expenses that Antonia felt were appropriate, like my medical expenses for example, would be paid for as and when necessary.

I did wonder what my birth parents thought about the fact was they inherited nothing from Nan and we kids would receive what amounted to a small fortune according to subtle hints made by Antonia. I found out sometime later that Nan did assist my parents several times when things got tight, but they tended to forget that fact. I understood that my parents did try to contest the will but Nan was very clever and she made sure that it was watertight. I think that Nan had the measure of them and acted accordingly.

My parents obviously knew that she was far from poor as she had helped them out in the past and I could just imagine how frustrating it must have been that they fell out with her and that she considered that they treated us kids badly in different ways.

Maybe this was yet another reason why my parents resented me and hated me. I and my siblings would gain something that they couldn’t have; our inheritance. Who knows. I was, by now, past caring. The fact that my brother and sister would also benefit from Nan’s kindness was the icing on the cake for me.

It was lovely my connecting with Anne. My only regret was that we had not been closer. She was in contact with my brother and his girlfriend and we agreed that we would all meet up during the next vac.

The following evening, Hannah, Anne and I had agreed to meet the other girls down at the quay. I hadn’t shown off my sister to them yet and it was a good opportunity to introduce my friends to her. Let’s face it, I was rather proud of her. It was all so different from before when I thought that the whole family was against me. Yes, my brother in particular had been a bit of a prat before, but at least I knew now that there was a reason for his behaviour and I looked forward to receiving a grovelling apology when I saw him.

It was a lovely evening and there was still some light in the sky, although the sun would soon dip towards the horizon.

We had agreed to meet up at The Sunset Café, well named as it was always a good place to see the sunset, depending on the weather, of course!

All the girls were there waiting for us and after introducing Anne and getting some drinks in, we were soon having a great time. I could see that Anne liked my new friends and they liked her. I won’t go into forensic details about what we talked about, just the usual things like what bands we liked, makeup, clothes, boys/girls we fancied off the TV and videos. All much like similar conversations taking place all over the country with girls of our age.

Eventually, after the sun sank below the horizon and it had started to cool a bit, we said our goodbyes and made our way home. Hannah and I were holding hands and Anne thought that we looked sweet. I grabbed her hand and we all giggled, not caring what we looked like or worrying about the sometimes weird glances that we were getting from some of the passers-by.

The village was lovely at this time in the evening, with the lights from the cottages and houses dotted all over the hills and along the lanes giving a distinctly homely glow to the village. The stars were out and the moon was high in the sky, giving us just enough light to see our way home.

We let ourselves into Seashell Cottage and Dad came out of the sitting room.

‘Had a good evening girls? He asked, smiling.

We all nodded, giggling for some unknown reason.

He shook his head and sighed and then turned to me.

‘Emma, can I have a word?’

He pointed towards the kitchen and I followed, leaving the other girls to go into the sitting room and me wondering what he wanted me for. I didn't think that I had done anything bad!

‘Close the door please Emma,’ he said.

I did as he asked and sweeping my skirt under me, I sat opposite him at the kitchen table.

‘Right, I have some news for you regarding those boys who attacked you.’

My heart sank. Things were going so well for a while and I had a feeling that the news that he was about to give me wasn’t in the “good” category.

‘Despite being advised by everybody, including, I understand their solicitor, they are sticking to a not guilty plea. It appears that they want to have their day in court and it looks like they want to put you through the ringer.’

‘The ringer?’

He smiled.

‘Sorry, an old term you might not understand. It means that they want to embarrass you in court and bring up your past.’

‘They can’t do that, can they?’

‘Well, you are only sixteen and therefore have a lot of protection from the court. Your name cannot be mentioned, but sometimes these things get out. If called, you must give evidence. Also, the only witnesses you have are all of a similar age to you, all under eighteen, and as such they cannot be named but once again, what with the uncensored social media we have now, there could be leaks.’

I looked at him with a sick feeling in my stomach.

‘Also,’ he continued, ‘we have an added complication that due to the seriousness of the offences the case will be referred from juvenile court to the Crown Court and there will be a jury. What I’m saying is that it could get a bit messy. I have an opinion on this, but I want your views.’

‘What are you asking me?’

He looked at me long and hard and I wondered what he was going to say.

He sighed.

‘Sorry, I have to ask this. Do you want to drop the charges?’

I was waiting for this. So, did I want to go through all the hassle of a court case and did I want my dirty washing, if that’s the phrase, to be aired in public? Then there were the other girls to consider. They would have to appear in court to testify that what I was saying was true and accurate. It could be a horrible experience. I had the photographic evidence of the physical injuries of the attack and that went someway as proof that everything occurred as I said it did but did I want my friends to go through a grilling by an unfriendly barrister?

Then there were the threats made against me with that message that was left at my cottage.

I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted it to be over with.

I wondered if my new family would be dragged into the mess. Those thugs had threatened me, could they extend the threats to my family; a family that I had grown to love?

‘Dad, have you been able to find out anything about the people who wrote that threatening letter?’

He smiled.

‘I wondered if you would ask me that. Good news, we have found out who they are and they are to be charged with threatening behaviour and anything else that we think might stick. They are relatives of the accused and they are not very nice people, with a string of offences to their names. In the meantime, they are under caution and a restriction order has been placed against them, preventing them from going near you. If they break that restriction then there will be severe penalties handed down. I don’t expect any more trouble from them, but that doesn’t mean that you should drop your defences for now and be careful where you go, especially by yourself.’

‘That’s good, I suppose.’ I replied doubtfully.

‘You haven’t answered my question Emma; do you want to pursue the charges against those boys?’

I thought of my nan and what I thought that she might do. I could almost hear her say, ‘Stand tall Emma.’

What to do?

It took me a few moments of indecision and self-doubt and then I made my mind up.

I looked at Dad’s kind face and took a deep breath.

‘If I do nothing they might attack another girl and she might not be so lucky, so yes Dad, I still want to go after them, but I hope that Hannah and my friends are okay with this, as they might have to appear in court. I will need to speak to them.’

‘I’ve already asked them on the quiet and they all agree that they want to see those boys punished. Hannah did mention that they should be hung, drawn and quartered, but I had to tell her that that wasn’t allowed now. She was quite disappointed!’

We both laughed.

I was quite upset when Anne had to go to Oxford and we had a bit of a tear-fest as we said our goodbyes. We would keep in contact and would meet up sometime soon together with my brother and his girlfriend. I agreed to take Hannah too. I wanted to show her off and anyway, we were joined at the hip, as Mum said on occasion. I asked if Anne had a partner and she just tapped her nose mysteriously.

‘It’s for me to know and you to find out,’ was all she said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

That of course got my spidey sense going. I would have to contact my brother Tommy to find out what he knew. I had his phone number now and although we hadn’t spoken yet, I was looking forward to it, sort of. The last time we spoke, before I ran away from home, he wasn’t very nice. Anne said that he had improved out of all proportion now that he had left the influence of my father and had a sensible girlfriend to keep him in place! Time would tell if that was the case; I was suspicious and cautious, wondering if a leopard could really change its spots. Anne had evidently told him of my so-called change of status from a seeming, if not very convincing, boy into a pretty girl. He hadn’t thrown a wobbly as Hannah charmingly put it, but time would tell.

I would ring him soon.

As it was, time moved on. I didn’t have any more nasty notes on the doormat and Dad said that things had gone quiet. The court case wasn’t due for at least a few months because of the backlog caused by Covid and I had been advised to put it all to the back of my mind, although I sometimes woke up in a cold sweat thinking about it.

It was one of those times when I woke up in a sweat that Hannah and I got all the more intimate. We had, up until then, not done anything heavier than French kissing and maybe, touching and rubbing each other’s breasts. We were a bit uncomfortable about doing anything else as Mum and Dad were in the next room and well, parents close by can be a bit of a passion killer.

Anyway, I woke up after a rather nasty dream about those boys. I can’t even remember the exact details but it was very upsetting.

Hannah must have heard me whimper and as I awoke properly, I realised she was cuddling my back and holding one of my breasts through my satin nightie.

‘It’s alright Emma, it’s only a nasty dream,’ she whispered in my ear.

I glanced at the clock; it was just after one in the morning.

I breathed a sigh of relief that it was only a dream and the details of it were thankfully fading away.

I turned over and hugged Hannah. Her pert breasts were there, in front of me and without thought, I stroked one and she moaned slightly. She did the same for me and I felt a shudder run through my body. That was rather nice and I soon forgot about my dreams and then things got more intense as we went further than we had ever gone…

We woke up the next morning naked, slightly sweaty and in each other’s arms. I don’t need to paint a picture about what we got up to but my poor excuse of a penis wasn’t too involved except that I had a semi-erection, which was unusual, to say the least, and I think that I had a sort of minor leakage and orgasm, I wasn’t too sure, having never experienced such a thing, but it felt a nice, almost whole body sensation that defies description and Hannah, who thinks she knows everything, said that was what I must have had. She said that she definitely had more than one orgasm herself and it was cosmic, very intense and wonderful. It's amazing what you can do with your tongue... Oops, too much information!

We both felt that we had crossed a line, one that I hoped we would cross on a regular basis. If this was what girlie sex was like, I was all for further experimentation!

The sheets were a bit soiled for some reason and we stripped the bed and put the offending items in the wash basket. We would do a wash later when Mum wasn’t about. We were a bit shy about what we had been up to and wanted to keep our lovemaking secret, if possible, even though we knew that it was legal at sixteen.

We showered together in the bathroom and that was rather interesting if a little intense. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other!
Luckily, Dad was on an early shift and Mum was in the kitchen banging about with pots and pans and loudly humming an off-key nameless tune, so the coast was clear upstairs.

After finally getting out of the shower and dressing, we went downstairs, following the delish smells and saw that Mum was making breakfast.

We sat at the kitchen table and had cereal and toast and bacon, washed down with mugs of tea. Soon Mum joined us and sipped at her drink, looking at us quizzically.

‘So girls, did you have a nice time last night in bed?’

Hannah was mid-sip and she sprayed the table with tea and nearly choked. I pounded her back as Mum looked on with a blank expression.

Looking at Hannah, I could see that her face was very red and I knew that I was blushing from how hot I suddenly felt.

‘I don’t know what you mean Mum,’ said Hannah, not very convincingly, after she had caught her breath.

Mum looked at her and smiled.

‘I was young once Hannah, although to you, it seems hard to believe. The sounds you two were making would wake the dead.’

‘I thought that we were quiet,’ I said shyly.

‘If that was quiet Emma, I would hate to think what loud would sound like.’

I looked at Hannah and Hannah looked at me. This wasn’t the sort of conversation that we should ever have with a parent.

‘Struck dumb Hannah? That’s unusual for you. Look girls, John and I knew that sometime, you would both feel the need to take things further. I’m surprised that it hasn’t happened sooner. You are both in love and are hopefully sensible. We don’t have any objections to what you get up to at night. Let’s face it Hannah, your Dad and I had sex in the back of his dad’s Morris Marina the day after my sixteenth birthday and two years before we married, so I can’t be hypocritical about this.’

‘MUM, too much information!’

Mum was enjoying seeing Hannah so uncomfortable and after the shock of listening to this all too embarrassing information, I was loving the exchange between the mum and blushing daughter, whilst wondering vaguely what my birth parents would think about seeing Hannah and me doing bedroom gymnastics under the roof of their house, I shuddered to think!

She turned to me. All of a sudden I was in the firing line.

‘Did you wear a condom, Emma?’

‘What!, er no, I can’t do erm, that and anyway, I’m a girl and…and…

I didn’t know what to say. This had suddenly become a beyond awful conversation.

I never wanted to make love as a boy anyway. Even if I had a stiffy as certain boys at school used to call it. I didn’t want to have penetrative hetero-type sex with Hannah, we weren’t in that sort of relationship. That didn’t mean that we wouldn’t experiment. We had spoken about such things. Evidently, there were sex toys you could use… I was brought back to the present by Mum.

‘I suppose you made a mess of the bedding?’

I nodded. This was getting a bit surreal. We had both had a certain amount of emissions for lack of a better word, mine minimal but hers rather more. Mum was so matter-of-fact about everything. Hannah looked like she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her and I sort of felt the same.

‘We put the sheets in the wash basket,’ I said quietly as Hannah had evidently lost the power of speech.

‘Good, you can both do the wash today, I would set the machine on a hot wash, we don’t want any unsavoury stains left do we?’

With that, she smiled and left us to it. Hannah looked at me. She was in shock and I felt the same.

We didn’t say much and just went upstairs to get the sheets.

Needless to say, we tried to keep as quiet as possible with our lovemaking from then on but we found it very hard to do!

I continued my pre-college studies and the time was coming close to when I would have my first day as a real-life student there and not just be on the periphery. It was late August now and the days were getting shorter. Luckily, the weather stayed wonderfully warm and apart from a few showers and one humungous thunderstorm, the weather was kind to us.

I knew that during the winter, there was a lot of wet weather in Cornwall but luckily, where we were, it rarely got mind-numbingly cold and snow rarely fell.

I wanted to stay healthy and I joined the local tennis club and dragged Hannah along with me, kicking and screaming. I say local, but it was in Penzance.

To Hannah, exercise was something where you got sweaty and tired. I made it my life’s ambition to get her to see the error of her ways and see the light.

I wasn’t holding my breath.

I had managed to get her to join me on a few runs, but her heart just wasn’t in it. In the end, Megan sometimes ran with me and it was nice to have her company and have conversations that only we could have due to our circumstances.

Anyway, I’m rambling, back to tennis.

As usual, most times we went anywhere, we were given a lift. This time, to the club, by our resident taxi driver – Mum.

Hannah always said that it was the duty of parents to give children lifts as and when necessary. I wasn’t too sure that Mum agreed with that and occasionally we had to use the bus. Something that Hannah didn’t like, but had to put up with.

On a shopping trip to Penzance the previous week, we bought some tennis gear. I had left my racquet back at my old home and I therefore needed a new one. Also, I needed some tennis gear. According to the club website, there wasn’t much of a dress code unless you were actually playing a match against another team, which I would never do, or an in-club competition or ladder match.

I decided that I would get two sets of clothes, one for practice and one for if and when I played in an in-house competition, where they insisted on whites, like at Wimbledon. A bit old-fashioned but who was I to complain?

Hannah just chose casual as she had no intention of doing anything serious and was only playing because, according to her, I was being a bit of a pain about it all. Still, she liked buying clothes, any clothes, and she wanted to look cool even if it was only on a tennis court.

Penzance Royal Tennis Club was quite posh really. It was called Royal as one of the future kings had played there in their youth and wanted to give the club some acknowledgement of the fact. Membership, even junior membership, wasn’t cheap, but luckily I could afford it. I paid for Hannah as a way of bribing her to come.

The club had several grass and clay courts and also some indoor courts, used mainly in the winter, which was, of course, approaching.

That first time we went, Mum dropped us off at the club, promising to pick us up at lunchtime.

‘Have a nice game girls.’

‘Yes Mum,’ we replied in unison.

Hannah and I had our sports bags and racquets and we made our way over to reception. It was quite busy as it was still school holidays and I had had to book a court for us several days before. I was going to try to teach Hannah the game. She had watched Wimbledon on TV, so she knew most of the rules and I hoped that she would pick things up quickly.

The lady behind the counter looked up and smiled.

‘Can I help you?’

‘Yes, I’m Emma Penhaligon, I rang up last week and joined with my sister?’

She looked at her screen.

‘Oh yes, here you are and you are Hannah?’ she asked turning to her.

‘Yes, that’s me, although I’ve never played before and have two left feet.’

We all smiled.

‘Right, here are some information leaflets. You are on court two, that’s an artificial grass all-weather court. Just follow the signs. The women’s changing rooms are over there to the left.’

She pointed the way.

‘Here are keys for your lockers. Have a good game. If you need any help, the club pro is around and some other regulars are always on hand. I hope that you like the club, we are very friendly.’

She smiled and we thanked her. She seemed like a nice lady.

We made our way past the bar/café, which was doing a roaring trade, and then past the men’s changing room and then onto the ladies' one.

When researching the club online, I had already found out that there were individual changing booths and that was good as I didn’t want to show anything unnecessary to any gawping, nosy women.

I wasn’t so scared now of going into places like these. I knew that I appeared as a girl, indeed, with my body issues, I considered myself to be one, despite that annoying worm in my panties.

I went into one changing booth and Hannah went into the one next to me.

I quickly changed into a shortish pink tennis skirt with white contrasting piping on the hem, matching panties and a white tennis top with pink piping. I loved the combo as soon as I tried it on. I slipped on some white socks and tennis shoes, then scrunchied my hair. I wasn’t wearing any makeup as I wasn’t keen on that.

Without makeup, I still looked girlie enough for me not to worry about my appearance. As I say, I was much more comfortable with myself now and didn’t think that I would be seen as anything other than the girl that I am.

One final look and I was ready to go. I left the booth and went over to the designated locker, put my things in and locked it. Just then Hannah came out wearing similar things to me but in sky blue.

She looked at me and licked her lips.

‘I love a girl in a uniform,’ she said.

I looked around, it was lucky that the changing rooms were empty.

‘Control yourself,’ I said and then quickly gave her a deep French kiss.

‘Blimey, you’re the one that needs controlling. Wait until I get you in bed tonight…’

Just then a young girl came in, smiled and went into a booth. Two seconds earlier, she would have had a bit of a shock!

Giggling, we left the changing room and went to the designated court.

Passing other courts, I could see that they were all occupied; some by children, others by adults. Some players looked good and others, not so good.

We opened the gate and went onto the court.

Soon I was trying to teach Hannah the game, first serving and then receiving. It was hard work as she lacked coordination. After about twenty minutes, she was getting a bit fed up.

I was just trying to show her how to serve for the twentieth time when…

‘Hello.’

We turned around and the was a man there; I would say that he was in his thirties, looked very fit, in tennis gear and carrying a racquet that looked like he knew how to use.

‘I’m Mark, the pro here. You might need to book a few lessons,’ he said looking at Hannah.

‘I’m useless.’

‘I’m sure we can do something for you. Just ask at reception.’

He turned to me.

‘Do you need lessons?’

‘I don’t think so,’ I replied shyly, ‘although I can always do with some help.’

‘Would you like a few games with me as your friend seems a bit tired?’

‘Go ahead,’ said Hannah wiping her face with a towel, ‘I’m cream-crackered.’

‘Alright,’ said Mark, ‘shall we?’

He let himself in. Hannah went over to a bench seat and sank down gratefully, breathing like an asthmatic sheep.

‘What level are you?’

‘Not bad.’ I said.

‘Let’s see shall we? You serve first.’

So that’s what I did and served an ace.

‘Well done,’ said Mark ‘was that a fluke?’

‘Probably.’ I replied smiling, crossing the court.

What I hadn’t told him was that I was quite a good player. At my old club, I was the leading junior boy and had actually played for the county and won a few cups. The fact that I had no support from my family meant that they couldn’t care less about that fact. They only knew that I was out of their hair a few times a week whilst I got up to something that they had absolutely no interest in. I never told them how good I was or that I had won a few things. I kept the cups and medals at the back of my closet. The less they knew about what I got up to the better, as far as I was concerned.

Of course, Mark was better than me, he had me running around the court like a headless chicken, but I scored several points and I thought that I didn’t disgrace myself.

After a few games, our time was up and two girls about our age were waiting to come on court.

They had all the gear and looked like they knew what they were about.

Mark, Hannah and I left the court and the girls smiled and said hello as we passed them.

‘Are you a member? Asked one of them.

‘Just joined,’ I replied.

‘Great we can do with some good players. Hope to see you soon.’

‘You too,’ I replied smiling,’ I’m Emma and this is Hannah.’

‘I’m Sue and this is Charlie, short for Charlene.’

We said our goodbyes and the girls went onto court.

‘Well,’ said Mark, ‘I think that you are shoe-in for the team, Emma. You play very well. Too good for a lot of people here.’

‘I’ll think about it. I’ve got a lot on at the moment.’

‘Okay, no pressure. I’ll see you around and Hannah, don’t forget to book a few lessons, bye.’

With that, he was off and we made our way back to the changing room.

I knew that there were several showers in the Ladies, these were individual rooms that had toilets, wash basins and showers in them. This was important for me, as I needed my privacy.

I would have loved to have shared the shower with Hannah, like we did sometimes at home, but we both regretfully felt that this wasn’t the done thing in the tennis club, so we regretfully parted after a quick kiss.

As soon as we were clean and presentable, we made our way to the café and grabbed a few cokes and rather nice Belgium buns. We sat outside in a patioed area overlooking the courts. It was warm and sunny and we sat at a table that had a parasol.

We watched the play on the nearest court. It was two kids with parents and they were having a lovely time full of laughter. I thought wistfully that I would have loved to have done that when I was younger with my parents, but it wasn’t to be.

‘So,’ said Hannah after noisily sucking her drink on a straw, ‘you never said that you were a whiz at tennis.’

I shrugged.

‘I’ve always loved tennis; it was the one thing that I was good at games-wise. Otherwise, I was just a bit of a swot. I wasn’t into those sports that were more rough, tumble and contact like football or rugby. Luckily the school had access to local courts and had a team and I played. I liked it so much that I joined the local club and was considered quite good. I told my parents and once or twice asked them to come and watch. After hearing several feeble excuses as to why they couldn’t come, I stopped asking them.’

She put her hand over mine.

‘Never mind, your new Mum and Dad will want to see you play for the club. Remember Mark said that you were good enough, if not better than a lot of other players here.’

I looked at her and sighed.

‘I can’t play for the team here, well not against other clubs anyway.’

‘Why not?’

I looked out at the court where the family were playing and enjoying themselves.

‘Officially, I’m a boy and as such I can’t play any club matches as a girl.’

‘No one would know.’

‘I would be found out.’

‘Can’t you ask? Let’s face it, no way are you a boy.’

I dragged my eyes away from the court and looked at her.

‘The rules are clear. I was born with a penis and that, as far as sport is concerned, means that no matter how I look or what drugs I’m taking, I’m a boy. It’s all about the chromosomes. Let’s go home.’

In theory, I supposed, that I should tell the club about my unique status, but I wasn’t a boy as far as I was concerned and I didn’t have the muscles, size or frame of a boy. If we played other clubs, it may get out. There could be silly blood tests or something. I had no idea what happened in these cases and I wouldn’t take a chance. I would play anyone who asked me in the club, but I would never play for the club against other teams. It was the rule and I would just have to grin and bear it.

I just hoped that the impending court case wouldn't lead to unwanted information leaking out, making things difficult for me at the club.

Mum picked us up outside the gates. Hannah had booked a few lessons and I promised to come with her. Time would tell if she could learn to love the game as much as I did.

I woke up one morning and Hannah wasn’t there. That was strange as I usually had to use a crowbar to get her up. I felt an itch and lifted my nightie and had a scratch on the small scar was where I had the keyhole surgery on my hernia. Thankfully all pain had gone from the area since my operation. Then my rather erect, sensitive nipples started to feel itchy and I had to rub them. It was a wonderful feeling! It was great that my breasts were getting fuller now and I would soon be able to wear a bra without padding. That would be nice!

Hannah came in wearing a towelling dressing gown, her hair was all wet.

‘Still in bed young Emma. You need to get cracking.’

‘Why?’

‘What day is it?’

‘Mon…oh my God!’

I looked at the wall clock. If I didn’t hurry, I would be late!

‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’

‘Well…’

I wasn’t listening. It was the first day proper at college. How could I possibly forget that? I got up suddenly grabbed my dressing gown and rushed out to the bathroom before she finished speaking.

I had a quick shower and washed my hair. Then I ran back into the bedroom to find that Hannah was still undressed and finishing drying her hair, just wearing bra and panties and not looking in the least bit hurried.

‘Look at the time!’ I said pointing at the clock.

She glanced up, unconcerned.

‘Oh that, It’s an hour ahead.’

‘What!’

‘I changed the time last night after you were sleeping and snoring your head off.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I wanted to see you panic this morning,’ she replied, grinning evilly.

I swore at her and threw a pillow at her face.

So there I was, sitting with many others in the lecture room facing my first lecture and my first lecturer was none other than Professor Cheshire. He was the tutor who had looked at me strangely and with whom I had an uncomfortable conversation when I sat in on a lecture the previous term. I couldn’t read him, but I had the distinct feeling at the time that he was not my number one fan.

A bit earlier, I had seen my course tutor, Olivia Hatcher. She welcomed me officially to the college and handed me some papers and a few books for me to read at my leisure, not that I expected to have much leisure from now on as I expected to be very busy.

I was wearing a nice satin top and a denim skirt. I was wearing sheer tights for the first time, as the weather was a bit cooler by now. I loved the slightly restrictive feeling of the nylon against my legs. I had been careful with my makeup that morning and I think that the overall effect was nice without being overboard. Hannah liked the look anyway and I had to physically restrain her from messing it up by over-exuberance in the kissing department!

The professor breezed in as though he owned the place and arrived at the lectern. He looked around and smiled. His eyes narrowed slightly when he saw me and then his glance moved on. Was I being paranoid or did I have the distinct feeling that I wasn’t welcome?

He shuffled through his papers and then looked up.

‘Good morning everyone, it’s good to see so many new faces. Now, let us begin.’

He was good, very good and he was informative, using flow charts, PowerPoint presentations and then a short video.

Once he had finished that section of the lecture, for some reason he looked straight at me and frowned.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, let’s see if you have been attentive with the coursework that was allocated to you prior to the start of term. Let’s see, Ms Penhaligon, isn’t it? What is the primary function of the mitochondria in a cell?’

He put the emphasis on Ms and it took a moment to concentrate.

‘Erm,’

‘Come now, Ms Penhaligon, do you or do you not know the answer?’

He had a certain look on his face that I just couldn’t read.

‘The erm, primary function of mitochondria in a cell is to generate energy in the form of adenosine triphosphate or ATP, through a process known as cellular respiration.’

He looked at me for a moment raising his eyebrows momentarily and then turned to a girl in the second row who looked like she was about to go to sleep as her head was dropping slightly.

‘Ms Heffner, What is the role of DNA polymerase in DNA replication?’

She started at the sound of her name.

‘Not sure?’ he continued.

‘No professor?’

‘I see. Tell me Ms Heffner, what would you like to do on completion of your studies, that is if you do complete them?’

‘I want to be a chemist.’

‘Well, if you manage to stay awake during my lectures, you might, and I say might, be one. Please look up the answer to my question and write a two thousand-word essay on it, to be completed by the end of the week.

And so it went on, asking a few others some questions. I was only glad that didn’t ask me anything else and that the lecture finally ended.

I was one of the last to leave and the professor was gathering his things together as I passed him. He looked up.

‘Ah, Ms Penhaligon, could I have a moment?’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

And so it went on, asking a few others some questions. I was only glad that didn’t ask me anything else and that the lecture finally ended.

I was one of the last to leave and the professor was gathering his things together as I passed him. He looked up.

‘Ah, Ms Penhaligon, could I have a moment?’

And now the story continues…

I walked over to the lectern and stood there whilst the professor ignored me and did things on his laptop.

As the last of the students finally walked out, he glanced up at me, shut his laptop down and then looked around. Seemingly ensuring that we were now alone.

He stared at me and I felt uncomfortable. Was he undressing me with his eyes? Surely not.

‘Ms Penhaligon, I have been apprised of your situation.’

‘What situation Professor?’

‘Your, erm gender choice?’

‘It wasn’t a choice.’ I replied flatly.

He sighed.

‘Of course it is. You were born a male and will die one, no matter how convincing you look as a girl. I understand that you wish to be a doctor?’

‘Yes,’ I replied through gritted teeth, trying to hold my temper.

‘I would be surprised if you were accepted due to your, shall we say, circumstances. You may wish to reconsider your career choice. Although you appear to be intelligent. I believe that you are distracted by trying to live in the wrong sex and your mind is in the wrong place. A doctor must be dedicated without distractions.’

‘Will you teach me, despite your objections?’

‘What now, after all I have said?’

He seemed to be flabbergasted.

‘Yes. What you have said doesn’t change the facts, although you do not agree with who and what I am.’

He shook his head.

‘I must admit that you appear to be a girl and you are very convincing, although, I understand that you had a run-in with some rough youths, and they were somewhat surprised at what you were hiding in your panties.’

Was he smirking?

‘How did you know about that,’ I snapped.

He tapped the side of his nose, knowingly.

‘I have contacts.’

‘What a complete pillock,’ I thought.

I wanted to slap him. I was fast losing my temper. Maybe that was what he wanted. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

How the hell did he get his job?

He continued with his diatribe.

‘I am forced to teach you, despite my misgivings. I am just giving you some friendly advice as I am concerned for your well-being. I would not like to see you crash and burn. However, I will have to look at your work very closely and I will expect top-quality output from you. I would hate to have to fail you on your coursework.’

‘Is that a threat?’ I asked.

‘Of course not, I’m just giving you friendly advice. I would consider, if I were you, our friendly chat and whether you might wish to change your course to something more suitable.’

‘Like what?’

He shrugged. He appeared to be enjoying himself at my expense.

‘Maybe, bricklaying or plumbing?’

He was goading me. I could tell that. Did he want me to strike out at him so that he would have an excuse to have me suspended?

I didn’t know what his agenda really was. The fact that he wanted me out of his hair was obvious though.

I came close, very close to losing it. But I didn’t. I wanted to hit back and at least say something biting but decided not to.

I wasn’t going to be dragged down to his level.

‘Is that all Professor?’

‘Yes, oh and do not repeat anything we have discussed outside this room. I would deny it and I would make sure that the rest of the teaching staff are made aware of the fact that you are a troublemaker.’

‘I think Professor, that I am not the troublemaker here.’

I walked out, slamming the door after me.

I was due another lecture in the afternoon. I should have gone to the library to continue my studies but I instead, walked along a path that led to the small parkland where many of the students had their lunches or hung out with friends.

It was fairly quiet there with only a few people about. I went over to a corner, under some trees and put my bag down.

I felt numb. I thought in my naivety that I would be accepted at the college. I had received positive vibes from everyone I met up until that day. However, there had been something about Armstrong that didn’t feel right when I first encountered him.

I felt a pressure build up in me and I suddenly burst into tears. It was all too much. I desperately wanted to be a doctor and the only way I could do that was to get top marks in the subjects I needed.

Now, my lead professor had virtually told me that I had no chance of getting those marks. Coursework counted a lot in my studies and he would pick over anything that he considered to be not one hundred per cent correct. I would bet that if I was one hundred per cent correct, he would somehow say that I had plagiarised or cheated in some way.

I had been backed into a corner and I just didn’t know what to do.

Eventually, I calmed down. I would go home. I needed to think carefully about what I was going to do following this disastrous day.

I pulled my phone out of my bag. I would ask Mum to pick me up. I would tell her that I had a tummy ache or something. I would have to tell the college that I wasn’t well. I couldn’t think about studying at a time like this.

I stared at my phone. The microphone icon was still on. I pressed it and the Voice Memo was still recording. Any lectures that I had, I recorded so that I didn’t have to spend time or energy writing down all the things I needed to.

I pressed the stop button and rewound it to roughly the time I had my conversation with Armstrong.

The voices were slightly muffled as my phone had been in my bag, but you could still clearly hear what had been said.

I stopped the recording and sent it to iCloud, just in case. I would then have a copy, if and when I needed it.

What to do?

I felt a deep anger. I had gone through such a lot in my short life. I had been rejected by my parents and felt unwanted in my own home. I had received so much kind support from my new family, friends and now my brother and sister. But the flip side was that I had been assaulted by those yobs and would have to go through a court case to make sure that they would get their comeuppance, not to mention the threats I had received from those associated with those boys had made my life hell for a while.

Now this. A professor who was using his position of power to try to make me give up my dream of becoming a doctor.

Sure, I could move to another college, but that would be somewhere else and I would have to go and live wherever that might be. There were no other colleges near enough for me to be able to live at home.

I wiped away my tears. I noted that I had some mascara on my tissue and I pulled out the little mirror I had for emergencies from my bag.

I looked slightly Panda-like, but not too bad. I repaired the damage as best I could, but my eyes still looked a bit red.

Picking up the phone, I went to my contacts and made a call.

A few rings and it was picked up.

‘Hi Mum, it’s Emma. Are you still in Penzance?’

‘Yes love, just out from having my nails done. I’m not sure about the colour. Hang on, you sound a bit upset. Are you alright?’

‘Not really. Can you meet me at the college, we need to talk.’

‘What’s wrong honey?’

‘Not on the phone. I’m in the park, you know, just off the side of the library.’

‘Okay, I won’t be long. Whatever it is, I’m sure we can sort it out. See you in about ten minutes.’

‘Okay, love you Mum.’

‘You too darling.’

As I sat and waited, more people came into the park but luckily, I was left alone except by a rather annoying seagull trying to mug me for food that I didn’t have. I shooed it away.

Just then, my phone beeped. It was a message from Hannah.

Wot yer doin for lunch?

I loved Hannah lots, but I wanted to get this sorted out before I saw her. Knowing her, she would confront Armstrong, do a lot of shouting and then thump him. I needed a cooler head. I would speak to her later. I didn’t want her to get into trouble.

Busy at the moment, college stuff, I’ll see U later.

Okey dokey.

I put the phone down and just waited for Mum.

Luckily, she wasn’t long and I saw her coming across the park and I waved.

I got up and hugged her fiercely.

‘Hi Emma,’ she said when I had put her down.

Soon she was sitting next to me on the bench.

‘Well, what’s up? I can see that you’re upset. Have you been crying?’

I nodded.

‘I’m having trouble with my professor, and I don’t know what to do.’

She frowned.

‘What sort of trouble. Clash of personalities?’

‘You could call it that.’

I pulled out my phone.

‘I recorded the lecture, as I normally do. At the end of it, I forgot to turn it off. When everyone had gone except the professor and me he called me over and this is what he said.’

I tapped the relevant button and let her listen to what happened.

I picked at the hem of my skirt as there was a loose thread, hearing that voice again gave me the creeps.

Eventually, the recording finished. Long before that, I had started crying again and Mum was holding my hand.

Mum looked at me. She looked shocked and not a little upset.

‘What would you like to do?’

‘Put my head in the sand?’

‘That won’t help. At some stage, you will have to pull it out again. Do you want to know what I would do?’

I nodded, wiping my eyes again with a tissue and blowing my blocked-up nose.

‘I would go to student support and let them listen to it. You can’t leave it like this. The problem won’t go away if you do nothing about it. I will come with you. No kid of mine is going to be treated like this.’

I could see the sense in what she said. I suppose in my heart of hearts I was going to do this anyway, but I just needed a shoulder to cry on and Mum was the best shoulder I could think of.

‘OK, let’s do it.’ I said.

We made our way to the main admin building. Going into reception, we went over to the counter.

‘Hello,’ said Mum to the lady furiously banging away at her keyboard.

The lady, whose name badge said Karen, looked up from her screen and smiled.

‘Hi, how can I help you?’

‘Who is in charge here?’

‘Erm, Miss Roberts, why?’

‘Can we see her please; It’s urgent.’

‘I’ll see if she’s available. She might be at lunch.’

Karen picked up the phone and pressed a button.

She waited a few moments.

‘Hello, Maggie, there is a student with her mother out here. They want to see you. They say it’s urgent.’

She listened to the reply, nodding her head a few times. Pointless really as the other person couldn’t see her do that.

‘Hmm, yes; urgent. Hang on.’

She looked at us.

‘Can you tell me what this is about?’

‘No, it’s very personal.’

‘The lady said that it’s very personal.’

I was glad Mum was with me as I had an attack of non-verbal’s for some reason.

Karen repeated our names down the phone.

‘Hmm, okay. Thanks Maggie, I’ll send them through.’

She put the phone down.

‘Please go through that door and go down to the end of the corridor. Miss Roberts will meet you there.’

‘Thank you,’ said Mum setting off.

I smiled at the lady and just followed Mum.

As promised, the door opened at the end of the corridor and a lady came out to greet us.

As we reached her, she put her hand out to Mum and said, ‘Hello.’

She did the same for me.

‘Come in.’ she gestured for us to go into the office and followed us in, closing the door behind us.

‘Please take a seat,’ she said.

I suppose that she was in her early fifties, quite pretty, wearing a business suit and seemed to have a no-nonsense attitude. I just hoped that she would listen to us. After all, we were going to tell her things that she probably didn’t want to hear.

‘Right,’ she said, ‘Emma, can I call you Emma?’

I nodded.

‘You have a problem, I understand?’

‘Go on Emma, tell her?’ said Mum.

I took a deep breath.

‘You know about me?’ I asked.

‘The fact that you are trans?’

‘Yes.’

‘Of course. Has someone been causing you problems?’

I nodded.

‘Who is it?’

‘Erm,’

I looked at Mum.

‘Go on, tell her?’

‘I came to a lecture by Professor Armstrong last term as part of the preparations for my course this term. He looked at me and frowned, but I wasn’t sure why. After the lecture, he called me over with my erm, sister who was also at the lecture.’

I didn’t want to say that Hannah was also my lover and soulmate as I didn’t want to muddy the waters.

‘Go on.’

‘He spoke to Hannah about her coursework after the lecture and a few comments to me about how hard it was to become a doctor. It was the way he said it and it made me feel a bit uncomfortable.’

‘I’m sure that you are mistaken. Professor Armstrong is a well-respected member of staff and…’

‘Excuse me,’ interrupted Mum, ‘do members of the faculty know about Emma’s gender situation?’

‘Yes, the ones that need to know are told, in confidence of course.’

‘I went to his lecture today,’ I continued, ‘and once again, I was getting strange looks from him, and he picked me for his first question and didn’t seem happy that I answered it correctly. When everyone else left, he called me over and said some rather unpleasant things.’

‘What things?’

She was frowning at me. Didn’t she believe me? Was this a closed shop where they all stick together?

‘Emma.’

‘Yes Mum?’

Play her the recording.’

I pulled out my phone.

Looking at her, I explained what happened.

‘Whenever I go to a lecture, I record it, so I don’t have to make notes at the time. If I’m writing notes, I might miss something, so I record and listen later. Then I can take notes without any pressure. Anyway, when I was called over by the professor, I forgot to turn off the recorder on my phone and when he spoke, this is what he said. It’s a bit muffled as my phone was in my bag, luckily on the top, but he has a loud voice, so you can hear him quite clearly.’

I pressed the button and heard once again that hated voice.

I looked at Miss Robert’s face as she heard what was being said by the Professor. At first, she looked blank and then her face went red, and she pursed her lips. She was holding a biro and I could see that she was gripping it rather tightly and her knuckles were white.

The recording finally ended and she thought for a minute, breathing deeply, and then looked at me.

‘Can I have a copy of this?’ she asked tensely.

I picked up my phone.

‘What’s your email address?’

She told me and I copied the recording over to her.

She took a deep breath and visibly took hold of herself.

‘I can only apologise for what he has said. Needless to say, it is totally against our equality policies and we do not tolerate this type of thing. In fairness to all concerned we will have to talk to Professor Armstrong about this and it will be a conversation between the vice chancellor, the professor and other interested parties. Do you have any other lectures today?’

‘No, I sent my apologies earlier.’

‘I don’t blame you for not wanting to do anything else today. Right, can you leave this with me?’

I nodded.

‘When will I know what’s happening?’ I asked.

‘I’ll ring you myself, probably tomorrow. Once again, on behalf of the college, I apologise. We will make alternative arrangements for your studies. Do not take this one incident as a reflection of what we are about. We have several other transgender students here and this is the first whiff of trouble that we have ever had.’

We all stood up and after shaking her hand, we left the rather flustered lady to sort the mess out.

We smiled at the receptionist as we walked out of the building.

Walking back to the car, Mum turned to me.

‘Are you alright love?’

‘Yes, I’m just hoping that they don’t sweep it under the carpet.’

‘They had better not, we have the evidence, and they can’t refute that. Now, are you hungry?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

It seemed like ages since we had breakfast.

‘Alright, let’s find somewhere to eat.’

‘I was supposed to meet the girls for lunch.’

‘Do you still want to?’

‘I just want to get away. I don’t want any questions at the moment and Hannah would give the Gestapo a run for their money.’

‘Okay, text Hannah and tell her what you are doing and then we’ll be away.’

I pulled out my phone and texted her.

Can’t make lunch. Had to go home. Tell you about it later. Not a big deal. xxxx

As I got into the car, I got a reply.

Wos up?

What part of not a big deal don’t you understand? Don’t they teach you anyfink at college? xxxx

Your spelling is orful! See yer l8ter then. xxxx

I didn’t want to make Hannah worry or go and do something stupid to Armstrong. I would tell her about what happened later.

We went to a place called The Smugglers Den on Causewayhead and I had a lovely, healthy meal of sausages, eggs and chips. Mum had a boring salad; I wasn’t heavily into rabbit food.

Afterwards and feeling rather stuffed, we made our way home. We mutually agreed not to talk about my troubles, and I was glad of that. I had had enough of it all. I speculated about how things were going back at the college though and wondered for the umpteenth time if anything would be done about that disgusting man.

When we got home, I thanked Mum for everything and then went upstairs to change. The day was hot, and I was a bit sweaty or glowing as we girls say. I decided to have a quick shower and wash my hair at the same time. I felt refreshed afterwards although my arms ached a bit, using the hair dryer. One of the downsides of having longer hair now was the fact that it took ages to dry!

After that, I tried to do some studying, but it was hard to maintain any sort of concentration. Feeling bored, I went downstairs. Mum was deep in cooking something that smelt delicious. As usual, she was covered in flour and blotches of something probably edible.

‘Mum, I’m going down to the beach.’

‘Be careful honey. I’m not sure that you should go out alone.’

‘Those scumbags won’t dare come near me. Anyway, I heard that they had gone back to Exeter.’

‘Yes, Tom told me that too. Just be careful dear.’

‘I promise.’

I grabbed my shoulder bag and made my way outside.

‘A good dose of fresh air would do me good,’ I thought as I shut the front door.

As I walked down the lane, I took some deep breaths. I was far too tense for my liking. If I hadn’t just had a shower. I would have gone for a run.
I passed a few people on the way down to the quay and I had some nods and ‘hellos.’ It was all so friendly in the village. As I reached the quay, the first thing I did was to buy a choc-ice from the kiosk. I then went over to where the lighthouse was. It was one of my favourite spots. There was a bench there, just beyond the lighthouse.

As I sat there sucking on my lolly, I kept a beady eye out for seagulls. The so-and-so’s were very good at doing a fly-pass and pinching food. I had once been caught out like that and a seagull had pinched a few chips from me!

My phone rang and glancing down I could see that it was Hannah. I answered it.

‘Hi Hannah.’

‘Hi yourself. Where are you?’

‘Down by the lighthouse, eating a lolly.’

‘Right, see you in a bit.’

She disconnected.

I shrugged. She sounded a bit agitated. Probably because I didn’t see her earlier.

The sea was quite calm, and the sun was almost as strong as mid-summer, which had been a scorcher. I was glad that we appeared to be over the worst of Covid. What a horrible disease that was. They say that some form of it will always be with us. What a pleasant thought!
It was a bit quieter now in the village as most of the holidaymakers, especially the ones with kids, were gone. I wondered what it would be like in the winter. Many of the cottages were owned by people who didn’t live in them full-time and they rented them out during the Summer months.

I was licking the stick, as you do, to get the last of the ice cream and chocolate off, when I nearly jumped out of my skin.

‘Hi you,’ said Hannah putting her arms around my shoulders from behind.

I stood up and turned to her.

‘Don’t come up to a girl and do that. I nearly had a heart attack!’

‘Sorry Emm, I couldn’t resist.’

I hugged her fiercely and kissed her hard on the lips.

After I put her down, she looked at me.

‘Had a bad day?’

‘You could say that.’

‘Tell me about it.’

So I did.

As I told her, she got angrier and angrier.

‘That slimeball. You should have told me earlier.’

‘And what would you have done?’

‘Give him what for and a kick where it hurts most.’

‘That’s why I didn’t tell you. Enough is going on about me without you getting into trouble.’

‘As I left today, there were rumours flying about.’

‘About what?’

‘Armstrong. He had been called out of a lecture for some reason. He evidently didn’t look like a happy bunny.’

‘I wonder why he was called out?’ I replied but suspecting that it was all to do with me.

Hannah shrugged.

‘Well, we’ll know soon enough. Let’s hope the little sod gets the sack. Anyway, enough of him. Want a drink?’

‘Okay, a hot chocolate is calling me.’

‘Calling you what?’ she replied almost innocently.

‘Right,’ I said and then proceeded to tickle her.

Did I say that she’s extremely ticklish?

She ran screaming down the quay with me chasing after her.

An old lady sitting on a bench eating her sandwich looked up, frowned and then shook her head.

Wasn’t she ever young once?

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

‘As I left today, there were rumours.’

‘About what?’

‘Armstrong. He had been called out of a lecture for some reason. He evidently didn’t look like a happy bunny.’

‘I wonder why he was called out?’ I replied but suspecting that it was all to do with me.

Hannah shrugged.

‘Well, we’ll know soon enough. Let’s hope the little sod gets the sack. Anyway, enough of him. Want a drink?’

‘Okay, a hot chocolate is calling me.’

‘Calling you what?’ she replied almost innocently.

‘Right,’ I said and then proceeded to tickle her.

Did I say that she’s extremely ticklish?

She ran screaming down the quay with me chasing after her.

An old lady sitting on a bench eating her sandwich looked up, frowned and then shook her head.
Wasn’t she ever young once?

And now the story continues…

We arrived back home and could smell good smells coming from the kitchen.

It was close to teatime now or is that dinner time? I’m always confused about what is right. I’ve always called it teatime.

It doesn’t matter. All I do know was that I was hungry, although I did eat a lot in Penzance not that long before but I’m a growing girl.

Mum was one who didn’t like to stint on portion size. I was lucky that I was as thin as a rake and didn’t gain much weight if I ate the occasional cake or three.

Although to be fair, I did appear to be getting a wee bit more padding in the rear end and I was getting a more girlie shape, something that I was very pleased and proud about. As for my budding breasts, I wasn’t obsessed by their size, but I did measure them, almost daily, purely as a scientific exercise, of course. Interestingly, one was a couple of centimetres larger than the other. Something to be concerned about?

I enjoyed the steak pie with mash, peas, carrots and gravy you could stand your spoon up in. Hannah, the pig, finished hers before everyone else. I swear that she must have been a greedy Labrador in a previous life!

After finishing our meal and doing the thankless chore of washing up Hannah and I went next door for a bit of quiet time. When I say quiet, I needed to get up close and personal to her and the presence of one or other parent kind of cramped our style.

I knew that Mum and Dad were aware of just how up close and personal we were, but we still felt a bit uncomfortable about doing anything in the way of intimacy around them. At night, we managed to do things that were probably illegal in some countries, but unfortunately, I was a bit noisy when things got interesting. I had, in desperation, started to stuff a sock in my mouth at these times, far from ideal, especially when I wanted to do something with my tongue…

Too much information? Sorry.

Anyway, my cottage was an ideal place to get away from it all. The place was kept clean and tidy by Ivy inside and her husband Len outside.
There were a few letters on the mat, but luckily nothing nasty. I always dreaded getting another one of those poison pen things that I had before. Luckily, everything was quiet on that front, for which I was truly thankful.

We went into the kitchen and grabbed a few cokes from the fridge. I always left a small supply of goodies there, just in case.

We drank straight out of the cans to save the washing up and made our way into the sitting room.

I opened the French windows that led out to the garden, and we sat at the wrought iron garden table out on the patio. A garden that was lovely and had a nice pond at the end where the resident ducks seemed to have a whale of a time or is that a duck of a time?

There were some fish in the pond, and I wondered what they were. A few were goldfish, I knew that, but some of the fish were larger and had unusual colours. One day I would find out a bit more about the pond and its residents. There were some frogs and the occasional newt in there, I noticed. Newts were protected in our country so I would have to be careful what I did with the pond.

As I sat there, I looked down at myself. It still amazed me how I had changed from the shy introverted poor excuse for a boy that I pretended to be. I was wearing, as usual, a sun dress, lemon in colour. It was a colour that suited my new, more sunny personality, or one that I would like to have if it wasn’t for all the problems I had at that moment.

Under my dress, I was wearing some nice white silky panties and a matching bra. My hair was long and waved slightly in the soft breeze. I had hair extensions but hoped one day that I wouldn’t need them as I wanted my hair to grow out. Completing the look were some nice white wedge-heeled slingback sandals. I licked my lips. I would have to refresh my makeup soon. Another thing that was so nice about being a girl. Applying makeup wasn’t a chore for me at the moment. It was still new and something that underlined my femininity.

I wondered, not for the first time what my ever so loving natural parents would say if they saw me as I was now.

Then there was my brother. My sister Anne was happy with my new status. The last time I saw my brother was not a pleasant experience. I hoped that when I met him, he would be happy for me…

‘How are you, Em, you were away with the fairies there?’

I shook my head and came out of my trance-like meditative state, looked at Hannah and smiled.

‘Okay. It hasn’t been the best of days though. I keep wondering whether I can stay at the college after all that has happened.’

‘They won’t let that slimeball of a lecturer get away with it.’

I shrugged.

‘Nothing would surprise me. They might close ranks and protect him. All I know is that I can’t stay at the college if he’s still there.’

‘What if you get another lecturer?’

‘I would still come across him. The man’s a creep. No, it’s all a bit of a mess and I’m worried about what I would do if things go against me. The nearest college that teaches the courses I need is in Exeter, I think. I’m not sure that I could travel that distance every day, knowing how crappy the public transport is.’

‘I’m sure it won’t come to that. If they do try to protect him, there would be a stink and I would accidentally tell the media about it.’

‘Well, let’s hope we don’t need to go down that route. Anyway, have you finished your coke?’

‘Yes.’
‘Any suggestions about what to do now?’

‘I need to check something in your bedroom, want to come?’

‘I thought you’d never ask!’

Sometime later I was in bed with my Hannah, feeling slightly hot, sweaty and a bit out of breath for some reason. We were naked and had had one of the nicest times you can imagine. Being in my cottage, it didn’t matter much that we were a bit noisy.

Clothes were scattered about on the floor. I think that we were in a bit of a hurry to test out the bed springs!

Eventually, after an extended kiss and cuddle for lack of better words, we reluctantly got up and went for a shower. It’s nice showering with someone you love, don’t you think?

As the water cascaded down us, she cupped my breasts.

‘You’re getting quite a big girl now,’ she said and then kissed me.

‘Not as big as you,’ I replied, rubbing one of her erect nipples…

Sometime later, we dressed and hand in hand, went back next door. It was getting dark now and there was a chill in the air. It would soon be time to put away my summer clothes and get some more, more appropriate clothing for winter. No doubt Hannah would help me with some choices. She loves clothes shopping, and I was getting to be a bit of a convert myself!

The next morning, we were up early. Hannah had to go to college and was going to use the bus, meeting Mandy and a couple of other girls at the bus stop. I, on the other hand, didn’t need to get up early, as I was going nowhere whilst my future hung in the balance.

Hannah wanted me to go in to find out as soon as possible what was happening about Professor Armstrong, but I didn’t want to go near the place until I knew exactly what was going on. I had been promised that I would get some sort of answer today, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

I decided therefore to do a bit of home studying in the hope that it might take my mind off my problems.

That didn’t mean that wasn’t going to miss Hannah. As she shot off down the lane, I watched her go with a pang. This love business was hard going sometimes!

Mum was off to do some early grocery shopping, so her car had already gone, but Dad was in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea when I walked in.

I was going to grab a coffee to help wake me up.

‘Hi Dad,’ I said kissing his slightly stubbly cheek.

‘Ouch, bristles.’

‘Sorry, I’ve not long got in. I’ve had an all-nighter.’

He yawned.

‘Nothing serious?’

‘Can’t say much, but we caught them, and they won’t be causing any trouble for a long while.’

‘My dad, the hero.’ I said smiling as I sat down opposite him.

He laughed.

‘Not me I gave the orders and others did the collar. Still, it was a good night’s work.’

‘If I wasn’t mad keen on being a doctor, I wouldn’t mind joining the police.’

‘We are always looking for bright people...’

Just then my phone rang.

I picked it up.

‘Hello?’

‘Is that Emma?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hello Emma, it’s Miss Roberts at the college, can you pop up to see me this afternoon at about three?’

‘Is this about my problems with Professor Armstrong?’

‘Yes, I don’t really want to discuss it on the phone though. Can you come?’

‘Yes, I’ll be there.’

‘Thanks, I’ll see you then, goodbye.’

I put my phone down.

‘They want to see you?’

I nodded.

‘Mum’s not around this afternoon, she’s got this meeting with the Women’s Institute, I think.’

‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘I’ll catch a bus. I’ll have to have a look at the timetable.’

‘There’s no way that you are going alone. I’ll come with you.’

‘But you need to go to bed?’

‘I’ll go up in a minute and have a few hours sleep. Being a policeman means that you get used to lack of sleep and anyway, I want to go.’

I got up, walked around to him and gave him a big hug.

‘You’re the best Daddy in the world!’

‘Oh God, you are beginning to sound like Hannah when she wants to get something from me.’

‘Sorry,’ I said smiling and reluctantly letting him go.

‘Right, I had better get some shut-eye. We’ll have a sandwich or something before we go. We’ll leave here at about 2 o’clock. OK with you?’

‘Yes Dad and thanks again.’

‘That’s what parents are for.’

‘Aww.’

Karen was once again on reception, and we were swiftly sent onto Miss Roberts’ room.

‘Take a seat please,’ she said after I introduced Dad.

‘Thanks for coming. Now I won’t beat about the bush. Professor Armstrong has resigned on the grounds of ill health.’

‘Ill health,’ I said, ‘he looked pretty fit to me.’

‘Yes well, not all illnesses show as you should know, considering that you are studying to be a doctor,’

She said that with a smile on her face and I knew that she was speaking tongue in cheek.

‘We were told that he had mental issues and he wanted to have time to get those issues sorted out. Due to the nature of the, shall we say, accusations against him, time out wasn’t an option as far as we were concerned. After a while, he was persuaded that it would be in his and the college's best interests that he should find alternative employment once he had gotten over his ongoing problems.’

‘So, he won’t be back?’ asked Dad.

‘No.’

‘And what’s to stop him spouting his poison at another college or school?’ he continued.

She shrugged.

‘He knows that we are aware of his transgressions, and he has had his card marked. However, between us, he will find it very difficult to find another position. Word gets around if you know what I mean.

I would have to be happy with that, I supposed.

‘Now, she continued, ‘as far as you are concerned. A letter is on the way to you from the vice chancellor apologising for what has happened. He would have liked to have seen you, but he is on the way to Geneva for a meeting and he has asked me to apologise on his and the colleges' behalf. He said that he would see you, if you wish, on his return next week.’

‘OK,’ I replied.

‘The thing is,’ continued Miss Roberts, ‘Do you wish to take this further? We have discussed this matter, but you didn’t make a formal complaint in writing. Also, you have to make the decision as to whether you wish to continue studying with us.’

‘How many people know about all of this?’ I asked.

‘We have been keeping things under wraps, mainly to protect you but this is a close-knit community, and I would bet a pound to a penny that rumours are rife.’

I nodded.

‘Hannah said as much, some speculations are doing the rounds. Some of them are wild and inaccurate. It’s a question as to whether my staying on here would affect my chances of getting a good grade. I would hate for the tutors to hold anything against me.’

‘Fair point, but I can assure you, in confidence, that Professor Armstrong is not well-liked by the faculty. He is an excellent if not brilliant teacher, but he has, in the past, rubbed a lot of people up the wrong way. Also, it was known that he had favourites and that isn’t good for student morale. He was warned a few years ago about his behaviour, but the warnings have not been heeded. In short, He will not be missed here.’

‘What do you think Dad?’

‘It’s up to you Emma. Whatever you decide, we will support you. But Miss Roberts, if Emma stays here and there is any reoccurrence of this type of thing happening again, I will personally take it further.’

‘I understand,’ replied Miss Roberts, ‘so Emma, what is your decision?’

I really wanted to stay, and it was only one person that had caused all this trouble and I was sure that the faculty just wanted things to get back to normal, as did I.

‘I will stay, as long as I do not get any comeback from what’s happened, and the details are kept secret, as much as possible. I do not want anyone to know about my gender situation unless I tell them myself.’

‘I quite understand. As far as we are concerned, we only wish for you to have a happy and productive time here.’

After that, the meeting wound down and I was relatively happy with the outcome. I was to be allocated a new professor for my studies and I understood that it would be Professor Hamilton. She had a good name around the college and was considered to be something of a favourite with the students she taught. I was told that she had already been informed about my situation and she was very supportive. I was to meet her the following day.

‘So Emma, are you happy with the outcome?’ asked Dad as we drove away.

‘Yes, I suppose so. As my Nan used to say, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Meaning we’ll see.’

‘Yes, true. But Emma, you must tell us if you have any hassles.’

‘I will, I promise. Thanks for coming with me.’

‘No problem. What with work and long hours, I don’t see enough of my family and anything I can do to help, you know that I’m there for you all.’

‘Yes, you are the bestest Daddy in the world!’

He groaned.

‘Give me strength,’ he mumbled.

We arrived back home and it was still reasonably early.

Hannah wouldn’t be home for ages. Dad went back to bed for a bit and Mum hadn’t arrived home yet.

I was bored and just didn’t fancy studying after all that had gone on that day.

I decided that I would go out for a run. I wanted to keep fit and healthy, and I had eaten far too many nice, horrifically calorific goodies lately and I needed to keep my trim svelte-like shape. Well, not so svelte now that my bottom was getting an interesting shape and my bosom was gradually growing into something that I hoped I would be proud of. Not that I wanted Dolly Parton-sized breasts, but something this girl would be proud of.

I changed into my running gear, left a message on the kitchen table, grabbed my drink bottle and I was off.

I decided to run down to the quay and then go onto the beach. There were a lot of people about and I felt a bit safer in numbers. There were also plenty of people on the beach. The sun was shining and there was a gentle breeze. Parents with young kids were dotted about, some brave enough to dip their toes in the water. Not me, I didn’t like swimming in the sea at the best of times let alone at this time of year when Autumn is around the corner. I know they say that the water was warmer, as it has had the whole summer to warm the sea up, but I’m a bit of a wimp, and proud of it!

I passed a couple of parents by the water's edge. They were holding a little girl by her hands, and she was squealing with delight as the water came up over her feet. I smiled sadly. I wished that I had been a little girl like that, with loving parents to love and protect me. I had missed out on things like that and I had never had a happy, loving childhood...

Enough of this, I thought.

That was the trouble with me going out on a solo run, I had too much time to think.

Running through the soft sand made my legs protest a bit but then I was on firmer ground down by the shore. I was finally able to stretch my legs a bit and I was soon out of puff as I tried to do a few sprints. It was exhilarating though and the sight of the blue sea on my left and the stunning scenery on the right soon took me out of the slightly depressed mood that I had been carrying for the last few days.

According to my watch, I had gone about a mile and a half along the sandy beach and so I decided that it would be a good idea to turn back. I was looking forward to getting into the shower and then, hopefully, Hannah would be back and we could decide what we wanted to do that evening.

As I ran, my thoughts turned to the college as I wondered if things there would be OK for me now. I knew that once the word got around regarding my somewhat unique situation, I would be the target of a few hostile people. When I decided to come out full-time as a girl, I was under no doubt that I would have my critics and people hostile to who and what I was. Hence the physical attacks by those boys and the mental ones by the professor.

Much has been made of how tolerant our society was becoming, but, in practice, I had seen that tolerance was limited, especially where gender acceptance was concerned.

By now I had reached the side of the quay where the steps were. I sat down for a few moments, slightly out of breath and a bit sweaty, as I took my running shoes off and emptied a ton of sand out of them. I also took off my socks which were also a bit caked with sand and brushed them. Sand had also gotten between my toes, and it took a few moments to sort myself out.

Soon I was back running, and I found it a lot easier on the roads than I did on the more resistant sand.

I arrived back home, and all was still quiet. I crept upstairs, avoiding the step that always made a creaking noise when I stood on it. Dad was probably still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake him.

On the bedside table was my phone. I had left it at home when I went out for my run.

There were missed calls from Hannah and a message left.

‘Hi Emma, where are you, out with the milkman, postman or carpet salesman again and forgot your phone? Anyway, I’m going to be a bit late. My tutor wants a word about my last paper. I don’t know why, it’s brilliant, as usual. Anyway, see you later. Lots of kisses.’

I put the phone down smiling. She had that effect on me.

I got out of my rather damp kit, put on my robe went into the bathroom and had a shower and washed my hair.

Three-quarters of an hour later I had dressed again and was outside on the terrace drinking a very welcome cold coke.

I was wearing a pale pink t-shirt and capri’s, very chic, I thought. I had my hair in a ponytail, and I liked the look. I wore minimal makeup as I wasn’t going partying and believed that less is more if you know what I mean. Some girls, I knew, caked it on and it didn’t look very natural. I was blessed with a clear complexion so why would I hide it?

Was I getting vain?

I shrugged, who cares?

I was still getting used to all things girlie, after years of suppression and I would enjoy it as much as I could.

I was just about to go downstairs when my phone rang again.

Picking it up, I noticed that it was from Antonia, my cousin who also happened to be my solicitor. I hadn’t spoken to her for a while.

‘Hi Antonia, how are you?’

‘Fine thanks and you?’

‘Not too bad.’

‘Right, I must be quick because I have a meeting with a client shortly. I got a call from your father earlier today.

‘What did he want?’

‘Firstly, he wanted to know where you were. I told him that I wasn’t at liberty to tell him that. He got abusive and I told him that the conversation was being recorded and he calmed down somewhat.’

‘That sounds like him.’

‘Yes, not very nice, is he? Anyway, I asked the reasons why he wanted to contact you. He was a bit vague and wouldn’t get to the point until I pressed him. It turns out that he wanted to know what you received from your Nan in the will. He somehow knew that certain parts of the will were sealed from him and others and he believe that you may have benefited unfairly. He threatened legal action if he does not get answers and I told him to go ahead and try it, if he's willing to lose a lot of money in legal fees.’

‘Has he got a leg to stand on?’

‘No, but that might not stop him. As you know, there is no mention of your cottage and certain other things in the main will, so he still doesn’t know about them. These items are only mentioned in the sealed codicil, which specifically states that only you and your brother and sister are made aware of its contents.’

‘So, what is he after?’

‘I think that he has guessed a few things and has wondered how you managed to get to college and how this was funded. It appears that a letter addressed to you arrived at his house and it was from a certain Professor Armstrong who told him a few things about you. I do not know what was in the letter, but I suspect that it wasn’t favourable to you.’

‘How did Armstrong get my old address?’ I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.

‘He must have managed to get the information somewhere. Perhaps from the college?’

I was feeling a bit faint, and my heart was pounding.

‘Emma, are you still there?’

‘So, he probably knows that I’m now Emma, that I’m in Cornwall and that I have been able to finance going through college and probably other things that I don’t want him and my mother to know?’

There was a pause.

‘I think that you can assume that Emma.’

‘Oh God!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Previously...

‘How did Armstrong get my old address?’ I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
‘He must have managed to get the information somewhere. Perhaps from the college?’
I was feeling a bit faint, and my heart was pounding.
‘Emma, are you still there?’
‘So, he probably knows that I’m now Emma, that I’m in Cornwall and that I have been able to finance going through college and probably other things that I don’t want him and my mother to know?’
There was a pause.
‘I think that you can assume that Emma.’
‘Oh God!’

And now the story continues…

‘Are you still there Emma?’

‘Yes, what am I to do Antonia?’

‘You want my advice?’

‘Please.’

‘Will you let me handle it?’

‘What will you do?’

‘I will contact the college on your behalf and tell them about what has happened. As far as I am concerned, there appears to be a breach of confidence, but I will proceed with caution as we do not know exactly how Armstrong got his information. If you are asked about this by anyone at the college, tell whoever it is that it is in the hands of your solicitor who has told you to not comment. If they have any problem with that, to them to contact me.’

‘So you think that I should return to college?’

‘It’s up to you Emma, but if it was me, I would say to hell with it all and try to carry on as normal.’

‘And what about my father?’

‘I will make arrangements for a restriction order to be placed on him to ensure that he cannot get anywhere near you on the grounds of the mental cruelty that he has placed you under.’

‘What about my mother?’

She seemed to hesitate.

‘Antonia?’

‘Your mother has been sectioned again and is in a mental hospital. She attempted suicide a short while ago.’

‘Oh God.’

‘This isn’t about you Emma, she has been unstable for years. I understand that even before you were born, she had major issues stemming from a very unhappy childhood. Do not blame yourself.’

‘I don’t, I have known about my mother’s instability for some time and my father’s come to that. Can you wonder why I wanted to get away from them? It doesn’t surprise me that she tried to take her own life, or maybe it was a cry for help, and she meant to be found. I don’t know how her mind works but I know that she can be devious and manipulative. I should feel sorry for her, I know, but I’m just glad that I’m away from her and him. If I never see either of them again in my life, I’d be happy.’

I know how it must have sounded, but I had lived a hell of a life with them and I just wanted nothing to do with either of them.

Was I bitter? Probably.

Perhaps I wasn’t such a nice girl, after all. No doubt, others would judge me or not.

‘Okay, Emma, I know your feelings on this now. I will get in touch with the college after my meeting and let you know how I get on.’

‘Thanks, Antonia, for all you are doing.’

‘That’s why I’m here stop worrying and let others do it for you.’

I laughed, if only it was that easy!

I looked out of the window and smiled. Hannah was coming up the path with Mum. She must have cadged a lift with her.

I went downstairs and gave them both a hug and a kiss.

‘What’s that for?’ asked Mum as she put down some shopping bags.

‘It’s been a bad day and it’s nice to see some friendly faces.’

‘Do you want me to thump someone?’ asked Hannah with a scowl on her face and trying to look fierce.

I laughed, she was all talk and no muscles. She couldn’t fight her way out of a wet paper bag.

‘Maybe later,’ I laughed.

‘Let me sort these bags out and then we can have a nice cup of tea,’ said the ever-practical Mum.

Tea, the answer to all our problems!

Soon, we were sitting around the kitchen table where I told my small audience all my woes.

‘So,’ said Mum, ‘Antonia is going to sort things out?’

‘Yes, that’s what she said. I don’t know what I’d do without her.’

‘She’s a good person. I’m sorry to hear about your mother,’

‘Can we talk about something else now,’ I said, ‘Hannah, why was you called in to see your tutor?’

‘Is that the time, I need to go and change. I said to Megan that we’d meet all the girls down by the quay after tea, I need a shower.’

With that, she shot out of her chair and hurried upstairs.

‘I’ll get it out of her later.’ I said smiling.

After tea, we were down at the harbour where we met our friends Megan and the terrible twins Sophie and Stephanie.

It was still quite warm, but there was a slight chill in the air coming off the still sparking blue sea.

We were sitting outside the coffee shop, sipping our drinks and watching the world go by. There weren’t so many people about, as the end of the holiday season was approaching. I wondered what the place would be like in the winter. Well, I wouldn’t have long to wait.

‘So Emma, are you going to tell us about it or are we going to have to drag it out of you.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked feigning innocence.

‘Armstrong, you had a row with him and all of a sudden his gone.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Rumour going around. You know what college is like,’ said Sophie.

‘I haven’t said anything to anyone.’ I replied.

‘Emm, tell them,’ said Hannah, ‘ they are worse than the Gestapo. They’ll start pulling out your fingernails and then your teeth if you don’t tell them what’s happened.’

I sighed.

‘I can’t believe how things are at the college. I was hoping that my problems were going to be kept secret, but the place seems leakier than a sieve. Alright, this is what’s happening.’

I told them all the gory details about Armstrong and his sudden absence.

‘What a pig,’ said Sophie, with Steph, nodding in agreement.

‘Megan, have you had any problems in the college?’

Megan was in the same position as me, she was trans.

‘No, not really, I got the cold shoulder from a few people I thought were my friends, but other than that, I wasn’t very newsworthy. After all, there are, I believe, quite a few students and, if rumours are true a few of the tutors and professors, who have what could be called alternative lifestyles.’

‘You mean LGBQT and other stuff?’ said Steph.

‘I think you mean LGBTQ plus young Steph,’ said Sophie with a superior air.

‘I get confused with all that alphabetic spaghetti and anyway Sophie, I’m at least five minutes older than you.’

‘Prove it…’

‘Mum said…’

‘Girls, enough. It isn’t about you it’s about Emma and Megan.’ said Hannah in a somewhat superior voice.

‘Thanks Hannah,’ said Megan, ‘anyway, as I was saying I haven’t had too many problems. Although I think that I was lucky as I didn’t have any studies with Armstrong. One of my friends, Petra told me that he once upset her, but she wouldn’t go into it. She told her course tutor and Armstrong evidently had to grovel and apologise; something about it all being a misunderstanding.’

‘I think he’s a right pig,’ said Hannah.

‘Don’t insult pigs,’ said Steph.

We all giggled.

The next day, I went to college, using the bus, for once. I had never travelled there on the bus and Hannah and I met the other girls at the bus stop. The bus was late, it usually was, and that was why it was best to get there in time to catch the earlier one, just in case one or other was cancelled. Confusing? Well, you should live in rural Cornwall and you would know what I’m on about.

I was wearing jeans, a T-shirt and a lemon-coloured hoodie. I had to start looking like the other girls in the college and although I much preferred dresses, it was getting colder now and the clothes that I had on, were more appropriate for the time of year. I had been careful with my makeup and had applied slightly more than usual. I was being silly, I know, I looked and felt like a girl, but I decided that I didn’t want any chance of people thinking that I was a boy.

Hannah said that I was being paranoid and she was probably right, but I felt a bit safer for some reason. On our journey, we picked up Megan and the twins amongst others and it was nice to have all my friends near me.

We arrived at the college in good time and after various hugs and goodbyes, promising to meet up at lunch, we all went our separate ways. Hannah lingered.

‘’Right Emma, any problems let me know.’

‘I will, promise.’

‘Come here,’ she ordered as she dragged me around the corner out of the sight of any prying eyes.

She gave me a toe-curling French kiss that made me have evil but delightful thoughts about what we might get up to later and then, all too soon, she went her way and I went mine.

I was a bit early in the lecture hall but saw a few faces I knew and gave them nods and smiles. I went to sit in my normal place and waited for the seats to fill, which they soon did.

Shortly after, Miss Hamilton swept I and made her way to the lectern.

‘Right people, let’s get to it…’

She didn’t mention the fact that she had taken over from Armstrong and I was pleased with that.

She was a very good lecturer, and she had our attention for the whole of the period.

When the lecture finished, she called me over as the last of the students left and I was about to follow them.

‘Hello Emma, I’m sorry to hear that you had problems before. Let me assure you that you will not have similar problems with my teaching you. I have read some of the work you have submitted so far and am extremely happy with it. Unlike some I won’t mention, I have no hang-ups or favourites. If you have any worries or concerns, please let me know.’

‘I will and thanks.’

‘No problem. Now I must rush, I have a meeting in ten minutes.’

With that, she was off, leaving me smiling. Perhaps things would be better here in future.

I’m pleased to say that things did get better for me at college and in the following few weeks, nothing much happened, and things were relatively normal; normal for me anyway.

The weather was not as nice as Autumn crept in. It rained a lot, one of the downsides of living in the southwest. I went to the tennis club occasionally; weather permitting and met a few people there who gave me a decent game. One of the girls, Andrea, I got quite friendly with. She was a slightly better player than me and I liked that, as I very much wanted to improve my game.

I was asked more than once by a few people, whether I would be willing to play in league matches the following year, but I turned down the requests as I did not know whether my gender status would be an obstacle to my playing for the women’s team; I had a sneaky feeling that it would. I just gave the excuse that due to intensive studying, I just did not have the time to play regularly and I wouldn’t want to let anyone down.

There had been a lot of talk in the media about girls in my position not being able to play in many sports, due to possible advantages like being born a male and having bigger muscles and lung capacity than genetic females. I was as skinny as a rake and lacked anything like what you would call a muscular body. In my opinion, a whelk had more muscles than me!

Hell, I had seen some girls at my college with more muscles than quite a few men, but who was I to judge?

In my opinion, the world was going mad. I had even heard that the International Chess Federation will no longer allow trans women to compete in top-level female tournaments. What was that all about?

I still went out running, weather permitting as I wanted to stay fit and healthy, sometimes dragging a protesting Hannah with me.

One day, Dad came home from work and asked me to go into the conservatory to have a chat.

‘Can I have a quick shower or is it urgent.’

‘You do pong a bit!’

‘Dad, cruel and unnecessary!’

‘Not from here it isn’t.’ he replied holding his nose.

I had just got back from walking the nutcase - no not Hannah, Charlie the dog.

Charlie was, to say the least, worn out, as I had taken the opportunity to go for a little run across the beach and he followed me or tried to. He had, of course, been distracted several times and had gone in the inviting water and was therefore, after our run, a bit damp, to say the least. I had towelled him off and he did this trick of shaking himself free of water with me, stupidly standing next to him.

Hence, I was damp and slightly sweaty or is that glowing?

I didn’t respond to Dad other than intelligently poking my tongue out and then going upstairs for a quick strip and shower.

I have no idea why he laughed.

After dressing and coming back down, I grabbed a coke from the fridge and found Dad in the conservatory, on the phone.

You may be wondering where everyone else was. Well Mum had gone next door evidently to have a chinwag with Ivy, who was doing her cleaning thing, and Hannah, believe it or not, was at Girl Guides. Yes, she was one of those strange creatures. I never fancied doing all that stuff as I didn’t like woggles, ging gang goolies or being organised, but she was a leader of some sort, I think a Ranger. I wasn’t sure. She wanted me to join, but I was a bit iffy about it, because of the being organised thing and my situation, gender-wise. I know that I am a girl, but others might not agree with me.

Mind you, I do like a girl in a uniform, well one girl in particular!

I sat down and sipped my drink

Anyway, back to Dad. He put his phone down and looked at me.

‘You look a bit more human now.’

‘Thanks.’

‘No problem. Now I wanted a quick word.’

‘What about?’

‘The assault on you.’

My heart sank slightly.

‘Yes?’

‘The boys have changed their minds and have agreed to plead guilty.’

‘That’s good isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it means that you won’t have to appear in court,’

‘Why have they changed their minds?’

‘They were told in no uncertain terms by their brief…’

‘Brief?’

‘Solicitor. As I say, they were told that if they pleaded not guilty, they would almost certainly have a longer sentence. To be honest, they didn’t have a leg to stand on. They saw sense, eventually.’

‘What does that mean? Will they still be put away?’

‘The court has already sentenced them. As you know, they have been in custody ever since they were caught. They were sentenced to six months in custody and one year in the community, supervised by the Youth Offending Team The guidelines are that they have already served the minimum three months detention and therefore they would be released under that supervision and will have an electronic curfew or tag. If they come anywhere near you, the authorities will know about it. If they break any of the conditions, they will be arrested and a very severe punishment meted out. Are you happy with that?’

‘So, they are out now?’

‘They are to be released on Monday.’

‘It doesn’t seem like a very harsh punishment; look what they did to me.’

‘I know Emma. It’s not fair, but that is how the courts sometimes deal with people especially if they are not adults. Our prisons and youth custody facilities are close to breaking point and this is the way the authorities deal with it. If it was me, I would push for a much harsher sentence but that’s the way things are now as our hands are somewhat tied to what the CPS say.’

I thought for a moment.

‘Are they sorry for what they did?’

‘They say that they are, but words are cheap, and they did get their friends to threaten you with that letter.’

I thought about what happened, I was still having the occasional nightmare. I had several worries at the moment and this one was at the top. I had been dreading what would happen when the boys went to court and what I might have to do. I was sure that I would need to stand up in court and explain a few things that I didn’t want to be made public. Oh, I knew that I was supposedly protected because I was only sixteen, but word would get out about who I was and my gender situation somehow, I was sure of that.

With the sentence, the boys would be out of my hair for at least a year and that was something. Knowing them, they would get into trouble somewhere else whilst on probation or whatever it’s called now and with luck, put away for much longer.

‘What do you think, Emma?’

I shrugged.

‘It seems that the decision has been made without any input from me, which I think is very unfair, but all in all, I just want to move on with my life and not worry or keep looking over my shoulder. So, I’ll just move on and try to put it behind me. You never know, they might be changed characters, but I’m not holding my breath on that.’

‘I think that you are right about this. Life’s too short. Anyway, I thought that I would let you know as soon as I could.’

I went over to him and hugged him.

‘Thanks for being here for me Dad.’

‘As I’ve said many times, that’s what I’m here for.’

‘Aww.’

A few more weeks passed and I was getting into my studies, more and more. The course I was on was an introduction to further, more advanced courses that I would have to study in the following years. I found the work enjoyable and quite time-consuming. I looked forward to going to medical school when the time came and as long as my results were good, it looked like I would be accepted.

I was advised to apply for a clinical placement at West Cornwall Hospital in Penzance, handy for me as it was fairly close to the college. It would mean that I would spend several hours a week in a hospital environment, helping out, wherever possible, and observing all things clinical.

I was pretty keen, as it would give me a taste of what life would be like in the medical profession and it was very much encouraged by my tutors. I managed okay with the interview with HR at West Cornwall and was offered an initial temporary position that would be made more or less permanent if things went all right.

It appeared that there was quite a strong connection between my college and the hospital and that helped oil the process, as were the quite nice referral letters from my tutors.

I would start the following week, and I was looking forward to it. I would be given uniforms and then some orientation, safety training and other things necessary to let me loose on the wards or wherever they chose to place me.

I was really looking forward to it. Hannah, wanted to do the same, as she hoped to be a nurse, but her studies meant that she couldn’t do anything until maybe the following term.

We still met up with our friends on a regular basis, either in college or in one of the cafés or restaurants down at the beachfront or harbour.

Occasionally, I met up with Megan alone and we discussed our rather unique situation. It was lovely being with the others, but Megan and I had a bond that others couldn’t really fathom. I was a bit envious of Megan, she was further ahead than I regarding her gender journey for lack of a better word. I often asked her advice about things, and she was a mine of information. She was on blockers and was a bit envious of me as I had small but developing breasts. She kept asking for HRT and she kept being told that she had to wait until eighteen. She was very pretty and if I didn’t know, I would never suspect that she was ever a boy in any way shape or form.

It was Sunday morning, and I woke up in the arms of my Hannah. She was snoring slightly, but I was desperate and in need of a wee, so I got up, luckily without her waking and went to the bathroom and did the business. I was wide awake now, so, shivering slightly as I was only in my nightie, I padded back to our bedroom, picked up some clothes that I had left out the previous night and went back to the bathroom for a shower.

Twenty minutes later, I was downstairs making myself some coffee using the machine thingy that gurgled when you pressed the button and squirted out a measured dose into the mug. I was normally a hot chocolate girl, but I was developing a taste for coffee. It might make me slightly hyper, but I sometimes needed a kick start in the morning after a heavy night, if you know what I mean.

Mum and Dad had gone off early to the Sunday Market and wouldn’t be back until lunchtime. After which we would all go down to the harbour for a carvery from the pub. I sat at the kitchen table, sipping my hot drink and wondered what I would do after breakfast. I should have done some studying or had a look at the information pack that had been emailed by the hospital regarding my placement, but I wasn’t in the mood for once.

I picked up my phone. There was not much on it except an email from the hospital admin asking if I had received the information pack.

I quickly replied that I had and put the phone down.

Knowing Hannah, who wasn’t great at getting up early at the weekend, she would fester in bed for at least another hour. I wouldn’t wait for her and made myself some toast and yet another addictive mug of coffee. At this rate, I would be climbing off the walls by lunchtime.

I finished the coffee and toast and decided to go next door, I hadn’t been there for a few days, and I wanted to make sure that everything was okay.

I left a message for Lazybones, in the unlikely event that she was actually downstairs in the next hour or two, and then went next door.

Opening the front door, there were a few useless flyers and advertising letters on the doormat. No nasty surprises there though. The last thing I wanted was a poison pen letter!

It was a bit stuffy in the cottage and I opened a couple of windows and the French doors as it was, for once, quite bright and sunny. A nice change from the rather drizzly and wet weather that we had been having of late.

I sat outside on the patio for a bit and watched my resident ducks doing their thing on the pond at the end of the garden. There were three of them there and I wondered if it was some sort of ménage à trois situation.

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

---

Previously...

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

I had some duck food somewhere and I would maybe give them a treat later, but for the moment, I was glad to just sit there in the peace and quiet. The peace was shattered when my phone went off. I looked at the number but it was one I didn’t recognise.

I swiped the screen and said ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, Chr…I mean Emma?’

It was my brother, I would recognise him anywhere.

I sighed.

‘Hello Tommy,’

And now the story continues...

‘Em, how are you?’

‘Fine.’

There was a bit of a silence and then I heard a girl saying something in the background.

‘Give it to me doofus,’

‘Hello Emma, I’m Tommy’s girlfriend, Tamsin How are you?’

‘Ok, thanks.’

‘Look, you know what Tommy’s like. He has wanted to speak to you for ages, ever since we found out about your changes from your sister, Anne. He’s got this guilt complex thing about how he treated you and he thought that you might blow his head off if he spoke to you. I, being the intelligent one, decided enough was enough. He needed to mend bridges with you and that’s why he rang. Anne is going to be down in your neck of the woods next week and I have persuaded Tommy, by telling him that he had better get his finger out, that he's to come and see you too, otherwise there would be consequences and withdrawal of privileges, if you know what I mean. I’ll come because I’m dying to meet you and because I’m a nosy cow. What do you think?’

She seemed to say all that without drawing breath, which was awesome.

I sighed.

‘Okay, he can come.’

I’m pretty sure that I didn’t sound to enthusiastic.

‘Good. What’s your email address?’

I told her.

‘I’ll send you details later. I must go now. Do you want to speak to him?’

‘All right.’

‘Is that an all right, yes or an all right, no?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘Okay, look forward to seeing you and your sister, I’ll pass you over.’

There were some mutterings in the background and then Tommy came to the phone.

‘Emma.’

‘Yes Tommy?’

‘Sorry, I’ve been a bit of a prat.’

‘Yes, I know.’

‘I’m sorry. No excuses. Tamsin and Anne helped to show me what a right berk I’ve been.’

‘So, you’re coming over next week?’

‘Yeah, we need to talk.’

‘I think so too. Look I have to go, send me the details and we’ll go from there.’

‘Okay Emma, and I am sorry.’

‘I know, you already said. See you then, goodbye.’

‘Bye.’

I put the phone down.

From the above, it might seem that I was a little cold. Well, I had bad memories of how he treated me in the past and I wanted to see him face to face to see if what he said were merely words or if he meant what he said.

Time would tell.

I went back home. Hannah was still asleep and snoring heavily. I decided to go for a run, so without waking her, I grabbed my running kit and did just that. I usually ran when I wanted to think things out. The exercise helped clear my mind of any fog that I might be feeling and on this occasion though, it just helped to bring back memories of my dysfunctional family.

Tommy, as far as I could remember, cared little for me. He was older and had friends of his own. He had no time for his small brother. When we did interact, there was, as far as I was concerned, simply no chemistry between us. He just wasn’t interested in me. He occasionally called me a sissy…enough said.

I think that Tommy bought into the idea, peddled by my parents, that I was just some sort of spare part, unwanted and unloved. I now know that his mind had been poisoned from a young age to be against me. He had been pressurised, especially by my father to be good at games, tough and not be bullied by anyone, without realising that what he was doing to me could be construed to be a form of bullying, in the guise of mental cruelty.

At least he never hit me.

So, I had Tommy disliking me and not wanting to have anything to do with me and under the influence of my father And then, there was my sister Anne, under the malevolent clutches of my mother, who went overboard in lavishing affection and stifled any individuality that my sister might possess.

What a charming, lovely family I had been born into!

It was marvellous that Anne and Tommy had managed to escape from the clutches of my parents. It looked like my leaving home might have been the catalyst for them to do something positive about the possessive and stifling influence of my parents.

I wanted to forgive Tommy, but I was unsure as to his reaction to me when we finally met. Let’s face it, we had all suffered in different ways because of our oppressively dysfunctional parents.

I had heard nothing else regarding my father except that Antonia had managed to arrange a restraining order on him. Whether that would work, only time would tell. I just never wanted to see or hear of him again. My mother was in hospital I was told, but I had no idea as to her condition. I would like to have been charitable about her because of her issues, but in my heart, I felt no love for her. Perhaps I was harsh, as she had been mentally ill for many years, but there had been too much water under the bridge for me to feel any other way.

I continued on with my run. Over in the distance, I could see some dark clouds forming over the sea and then I saw a few flashes of lightning and soon after the rumble of thunder which showed that we were in for some rough weather.

Not wanting to get soaked, I turned around and made my way back up the beach. And then up the lane leading to the cottage.

When I got back, Lazy Bones was in the kitchen in her nightie, drinking coffee and looking tired and hot.

She coughed and then sneezed.

She looked up and smiled tiredly.

‘What’s up Hannah?’

She picked up a white plastic strip and showed it to me.

‘Bloody hell. You’ve got Covid!’

‘Mmm, I thought that we were past all that.’

‘No, it’s still around,’ I said, ‘though not so virulent.’

She coughed again and sounded like she was smoking fifty cigs a day, although, I knew that she had never smoked in her life.

‘God, I feel rough.’

‘You look it. Go back to bed, there’s a good girl.’

‘Yes Doctor,’ she replied wearily as she got up rather shakily.

She nearly fell over, so I helped her upstairs and into bed. I then got her a couple of paracetamols as she also had a bit of a headache. I grabbed an ear thermometer and one of the disposable probe covers from the medicine cabinet and went back into the bedroom.

‘I hope that you have clean ears, young Hannah.’ I said severely.

‘Of course,’ said Hannah between coughing, ‘cheeky cow!’

I pushed her damp hair back and put the thermometer probe in her ear. After a moment it made a series of beeps. I took it out of her ear and looked at the results. 38.7 degrees, quite high. She was burning up a bit and she looked quite ill.

‘Right, I’m ringing the doctor, stay here.’

‘I’m not about to go anywhere,’ she gasped between coughs.

I blew her a kiss and went downstairs. I rang my favourite doctor, Doctor Sullivan and after a few moments managed to talk to her; that’s what happens when you are a private patient. I would have probably had to wait for up to four weeks on the NHS.

‘Hello Emma, what’s up?’

‘It’s Hannah, she’s got Covid, her temperature is 38.7, she has a cough, she’s wheezing and has a headache. I’ve given her some paracetamol.’

‘She showed positive on the test?’

‘Yes.’

‘Hmm, have you got a blood oxygen monitor?’

‘I think so. Mum had Covid last year, quite bad evidently and she had one then.’

‘Use it on Hannah and give me a ring back with the readings.’

‘Will do. Speak to you soon, bye.’

I put the phone down and went upstairs. As I thought, the monitor was in one of the drawers and it was still working okay.

Hannah was lying back on the pillow and breathing a bit heavily. She opened her eyes and smiled rather wanly as I placed the monitor on her finger. After a moment it showed a reading of 92. Low but maybe not too dangerous.

I went out of the bedroom and rang the doctor back.

‘Hmm, 92, not good but not terrible either. I want you to recheck every hour and if it goes anywhere near 90 let me know.’

‘Is there still a lot of Covid about?’

‘Too much for my liking, but it isn’t so virulent now. It’s mainly the elderly or people with a poor immune system or underlying health problems that are considered to be most at risk, although some healthy people have it rough too.’

‘Is there anything more I can do?’

‘Give her plenty of drinks and ibuprofen for her aches and pains but don’t exceed the recommended dose. If things are bad you can alternate between paracetamol and ibuprofen though. Try not to get too close, as Covid is still quite good at transmitting itself. She will need plenty of rest. Let me know if she gets any worse.’

‘Thanks doctor.’

‘No problem.’

I poked my head around the door. Hannah seemed to be asleep, but she was wheezing a bit. It seemed like the bug had really affected her. She was breathing heavily earlier and was snoring more than usual. I felt guilty that I hadn’t picked up on that and felt very sorry for her. I wanted to give her a cuddle, but that wouldn’t have been very wise.

I went downstairs and texted Mum.

Hi Mum, Hannah’s got Covid. She’s in bed. Doc says to keep an eye on her. xxx

Almost immediately my phone rang.

‘Emma, I got your message. Is she all right?’

I told her the symptoms and what I had done for her.

‘I’ll be back in about an hour. Thanks for looking out for her. See you soon.’

‘Bye Mum.’

I made Hannah a hot lemon drink with honey and took it up to her. She was awake and just staring at the ceiling, wheezing slightly.

Sit up,’ I said, helping her.

‘Here, drink this.’

She took the drink and sipped it and then had a coughing fit.

I held her drink until she stopped.

‘I’ve spoken to the doctor and she said take plenty of liquid, rest and don’t give it to anyone else, especially me.’

‘I’m not keen on your bedside manner,’ she croaked.

‘You love me really.’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Mum is on the way home.’

‘Good, I need cossetting.’

‘You don’t do “ill” very well do you?’

‘No, I hate being ill.’

She coughed and spluttered a bit and then drank the rest of the honey and lemon.

‘Better get some sleep now, we can go out for a run later.’

‘Ha ha, I don’t think.’

‘Call me if you need me.’ I said.

I kissed her on her damp forehead and then she settled down. I would check up on her regularly as per doctors’ orders.

I picked up some of my clothes from a chair.

I left her to it and closed the door quietly. I wondered if I would catch Covid as we had been very up close and personal lately.

I shrugged; I couldn’t do anything about that now. I just got out of my damp running gear and then had a nice shower. After drying myself off and dressing, I went downstairs and into the kitchen. I made myself a coffee, very much afraid that I was turning into a coffee junkie!

I supposed that there are worse habits.

Going into the living room with my drink, I sat down in the comfy armchair that I usually use. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open and close.

I got up with my mug and went into the kitchen.

‘Hi Mum.’

‘Hello love,’ said Mum, putting down some shopping bags, ‘how is she?’

‘Not great, but the doctor got me to take her temperature, it’s a bit high and her blood oxygen levels are slightly on the low side, but not too bad. I gave her a drink a little while ago.’

‘Thanks love, I had better go up and see her.’

She left me and went upstairs. I washed out my mug and then went back into the sitting room grabbing my work bag as I went.

I opened one of my medical reference books and proceeded to do a bit of revision, although, what with worrying about Hannah, I wasn’t fully concentrating on the subject.

About ten minutes later, Mum came down.

‘She’s sleeping. I checked her temperature again and blood oxygen, both the same as before. We’ll keep checking regularly. It’s a pig of a disease. I got it quite bad and I’m still not a hundred percent. Anyway, are you alright?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, we won’t take any chances, you’ll have to sleep in the spare bedroom until she isn’t infectious.’

I thought that would be the case, but it was sad that I couldn’t sleep with her for a while. The most important thing was for her to get better.

And get better she did. She was considered infectious for a week, and I couldn’t get too near her for a while. She had it relatively mildly, as she was young and fit. Her temperature came down after a couple of days and her blood oxygen levels returned to nearly normal as well.

Of course, being Hannah, she moaned about it all, but it was a good sign of her getting better, although her cough did persist for a couple of weeks. I wasn’t allowed back in our bed for ten days, just in case and it was frustrating for me but, not so much for Hannah, who wasn’t really up for hanky-panky for a while.

I would have liked to put off seeing my brother and sister because of Hannah’s illness, but because of Anne’s study schedule, it had to be that week or leave it until the vac, I opted to see them in a pizza restaurant on the following Tuesday after Hannah was confined to bed.

Hannah wanted to come but that was impossible, then she had the clever idea of my asking Megan to go with me.

‘You’re not as silly as you look?’ I remarked.

‘Bloody cheek!’

I phoned Megan and she was happy to come with me. She knew all about what had happened to me and realised that I needed moral support.

I booked a table at The Boatshed Restaurant in Penzance. It was a nice restaurant with separate booths which helped with privacy. I didn’t want anyone overhearing what we might be talking about!

We arrived slightly early. I had wondered what I should wear. Anne had seen me and knew what I looked like now, but Tommy had not, and I wondered how he would react to my appearance. In my mind, I shouldn’t give a damn what he thought. If her didn’t accept me, I would just walk out and never see him again.

I know that my sister had already said that Tommy knew of my circumstances and the fact that I was living as the girl I had always been, but I had enough insecurity to realise that words didn’t mean much when being confronted with someone who just wasn’t the same person you had last seen as a boy, if you know what I mean.

It was confusing even to me!

Back to what I should wear.

It wasn’t so warm now so my favourite, a sun dress wasn’t exactly suitable, I would freeze to death. A bit of a dramatization, but I didn’t want to be cold.

On one of my occasional forays into Penzance for clothes, I had picked up a faux black leather skirt and it looked great on me, according to Hannah and the twins anyway. After faffing about for a while I decided that I would get it, as it was on sale and no poor little moo cows were killed in the making of it. It was a bit shorter than I was used to and went down to mid-thigh, but that together with slightly thicker black tights looked kind of cool. On top, I chose a white crew neck long-sleeve jumper over a satin camisole top and a slightly padded bra, as the girls needed slightly more growth before I would be satisfied.

I took my pink puffer jacket with me too, as the weather at that time of year was changeable, to say the least and anyway, I loved the colour. I wore black heeled ankle boots to complete the ensemble and I managed to get the approval of Hannah and Mum before I left.

Before I left home, with Mum being the designated taxi service, I was careful with my makeup, using the less is more theory, meaning that I had nice enough skin not to have to plaster makeup on. I was getting quite good at applying makeup but still found it a bit tricky around my eyes. Twice I had to reapply mascara but finally managed to have the right effect. I loved the way my face changed when I applied makeup. It made me feel and look so much more feminine, although Hannah always says that I was more girly than the girliest girls she knew.

I think that that was a compliment!

As I said, we were early and I ordered a Coke, I was hyper enough without getting a buzz from coffee, not thinking that Coke had caffeine in it! Megan had the same and we sat there and made small talk. Megan was her usual pretty self, wearing jeans and a cream top. She too had a puffer jacket but in sky blue.

About five minutes after we sat down, Anne came in followed by my brother and a girl, slightly older than me. She was blond and very pretty, but my eyes were really on Tommy as he looked around the restaurant, presumably looking for me.

Tommy’s eyes reached me and then passed on and then, as Anne waved at us and then led the way to our table, he finally realised who I was, and his eyes opened wide.

I was uber-nervous, of course. Was that look a show of disgust? Would he laugh at me? Would he be aggressive and ultra-macho, like Dad? All those questions ran through me in the moments before they reached us.

Megan and I stood up as they arrived. I gave Anne a hug and then hesitantly turned to Tommy. He was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Erm.’

‘Oh for God’s sake give her a hug,’ said Tamsin, standing next to him grinning, ‘she’s your bloody sister, not a stranger.’

He smiled ruefully.

‘Sorry Sis,’ he said and then did something that he had never done before.

He kissed me on the cheek and then did hug me.

I was determined not to cry.

But of course, I did.

It took a moment a pull myself together but soon, we all sat in the booth which was big enough for eight but there were only five of us.

I had Megan sitting on one side of me and Anne on the other. Sitting opposite was Tommy and Tamsin.

The others ordered drinks and we all looked at the menu. I won’t go into much detail about that as it’s boring, but I had a burger and French fries if you’re really interested.

The other girls talked a lot but I, together with Tommy, didn’t contribute much to the conversation. I think that we both felt a bit shy and awkward.

Tamsin was a breath of fresh air. A no-nonsense pretty girl with long straight blond hair that was natural and not out of a bottle. She was obviously in love with Tommy and I could tell that he had the same feelings for her.

The meal was excellent, as it always was there, but I wasn’t concentrating on it. I was glad that I was in company, as I had very little to say except pass the salt and mayo. Tommy was the same, but he kept glancing at me, no doubt taking in my appearance and the way I behaved.

Did he think that I was just a boy in a skirt, wearing makeup like a clown?

As the meal continued, I was getting a bit stressed, wondering if this meeting was a good idea. I almost said that I had a headache or something just to end it all, but, I just kept quiet, answering questions if asked but not getting involved in things.

Eventually, after about a century, we finished eating.

Megan then turned to me.

‘I think you need to go for a walk to clear your head. Put on your jacket, as it’s not that warm.’

‘You too Tommy,’ said Tamsin, ‘Go and keep your sister company.’

I looked at Tommy and he shrugged, smiling ruefully.

I reluctantly got up, put on my coat and followed Tommy out, leaving the warmth and security of the restaurant.

Outside, it wasn’t too cold. Winter was around the corner and the Sun still had some warmth in it.

We walked in silence for a few minutes. Ahead was a sort of shelter which overlooked the beach and we went over to it and sat down.

We sat there a few moments, saying nothing.

I had had enough. I turned to him.

‘Tommy, what is it?’

He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face.

‘What do you mean?’

I’m getting the silent treatment. Am I that much of a disappointment to you? I thought things were alright when you kissed me and hugged me earlier.’

He looked at me in horror.

‘No. it’s not that.’

He looked over at the beach and the few people still on it, mostly dog walkers. The tide was coming in and soon everyone would be gone, and the sea would cover the few carefully constructed abandoned sandcastles as if they had never been made.

‘Then what is it?’

He turned to me and took a deep breath. Then the dam burst.

‘I feel very guilty about the way I treated you all those years. I didn’t understand what you must have been going through. I was your big brother, and I should have protected you, but I didn’t. Dad taught me to stand on my own two feet. He pushed me and pushed me, just like Mum did with Anne in a different way by suffocating her with too much love and affection. Our parents never loved you and tried to poison us against you. I never hated you, I just thought that you were different somehow and I couldn’t really connect with you. Dad didn’t help. From when you were young, he told me that I mustn’t get involved with you and I must just concentrate on being the best at everything. I suppose I bought into that a bit and I feel so guilty about the way I treated you.’

He looked away and as he did that, I saw the tears in his eyes.

I reached over and held his hand, feeling a similar wetness in my eyes that soon ran down my cheeks. I wondered in passing how good my makeup was in these circumstances.

He looked down and then at my face. He reached over and gently wiped a tear from my cheeks. This wasn’t the brother I knew.

‘We’re a right pair, aren’t we? I’m so sorry Emma. You have been through hell, and I haven’t been any help. If it’s any consolation, I wish that I could just turn the clock back and stand up to Dad.’

‘And what do you think about your brother actually being your sister?’

‘When I walked into the restaurant, I just didn’t recognise you at first and then all of a sudden, I did recognise you, sort of. Under the makeup was you, but not the you I once recognised as a brother. This was the real you and it was a big shock. Yes, Anne had told me about you but that didn’t prepare me for the shock of seeing the new you. I’m babbling. Do you know what I mean?’

I laughed.

‘I think so. Do you like the new me?’

‘Fishing for compliments?’

‘Yes.’

‘I think that you have always been my sister am I right?’

I nodded.

‘And you hid it from me and everyone else?’

Once again I nodded, evidently losing the power of speech. I had a lump in my throat that was almost painful.

‘Well Emma, I think that you are as pretty as Anne. I wish that I had realised who and what you were when you were much smaller. I wasn’t a very protective big brother, was I? I also wish that Dad and Mum could have treated you kinder than they did. I know that they had serious issues, but they shouldn’t have taken it out on you and neither should have I. I am so sorry Emma about my part in all this nastiness. Can you forgive me?’

‘I forgave you as soon as you kissed and hugged me in the restaurant. It’s lovely to have you as a brother and not someone who was so bad to me in the past. I will never speak about it again and I want you to promise me that you won’t either.’

He nodded and then we hugged again before leaving the shelter and returning to the others in the restaurant. I held his hand which was maybe a bit weird but felt rather nice.

We went back into the warmth of the restaurant and walked back to our table. The others stopped talking and looked at us expectantly.

‘Aww,’ said Megan, ‘they’re holding hands.’

‘Shut up Megan,’ I said smiling.

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

Only Sixteen 20

Previously...

‘I forgave you as soon as you kissed and hugged me in the restaurant. It’s lovely to have you as a brother and not someone who was so bad to me in the past. I will never speak about it again and I want you to promise me that you won’t either.’

He nodded and then we hugged again before leaving the shelter and returning to the others in the restaurant. I held his hand which was maybe a bit weird but felt rather nice.

We went back into the warmth of the restaurant and walked back to our table. The others stopped talking and looked at us expectantly.

‘Aww,’ said Megan, ‘they’re holding hands.’

‘Shut up Megan,’ I said smiling.

And now the story continues…

It was nice to spend time with my brother, Tamsin, Anne and not forgetting Megan.

We made a sort of unwritten rule not to talk about our past and just talk about the now and the future. Tamsin was a delight, and I could see that Tommy and she were really in love. I did ask if Anne had anyone ‘Special” and she went all coy on me. All she would say was that she was working at it, whatever that means!

I would have a meaningful conversation with her about that at a more appropriate time.

After a lovely meal, it was time to go. Anne had places to go and so did Tommy and Tamsin.

We agreed to meet up regularly and we said our goodbyes. It was nice to give my brother a kiss and a hug. Just a few months before, that would not have been something of which I had ever dreamed of doing!

I was slightly tearful as they went on their way and Megan had to cheer me up a bit.

‘You’ll see them again soon Emma.’

I sighed.

‘I know but it's a shame that they don’t live a bit nearer. Anyway, thanks for coming with me Megan.’

‘No problem. Now what do you want to do?’

‘Fancy having a walk around the shops?’

‘Ooh, I do love a shopping trip!’

I laughed; she was almost worse than Hannah and that was saying something!

I was getting more into shopping now that I was in girl mode. Previously, when I was much younger, I was dragged around the shops by my mother and sister and had to wait an intermittent time whilst they tried on all manner of clothes. At the time, it was the most terrible thing I could think of doing. Even then, I was thinking how lucky they were, being able to dress as they liked and there was me, unable to do what they did and dress prettily. It was so frustrating.

One time, I was sitting on a chair next to a changing room in a big department store. Anne was being told to try on all manner of dresses for a party that she was going to at the weekend. Some of the dresses were truly horrendous on her; you know the sort, the Shirley Temple type, all ribbons, bows and flouncy bits. She wouldn’t look out of place as a fairy on a Christmas tree.

I could see that she hated some of the things she was forced to try on, but Mother was full of praise.

‘Oooh Darling, you look adorable,’ she said enthusiastically on more than one occasion.

I must admit I laughed and then was scolded by Mother for being so insensitive!

There were some clothes that she tried on that I would have loved to have worn, but there was no chance of that ever happening.

Back to the here and now, Megan and I had a pleasant time shopping, and I bought a few things like jeans, tops, bras and panties. Megan bought a nice dress for a Christmas party that she was going to. She looked fantastic in it, and I was so jealous of her. I would have had it if she hadn’t!

Christmas! I couldn’t think that far ahead, and I marvelled that some people could.

Christmas for me wasn’t very festive in the past but I hoped for greater and better things in the future. I knew that Hannah was mad keen on Christmas and given the chance, she would have a tree and decorations up all year round.

Mind you, after Halloween, the shops would be full of Christmas things accompanied by Christmassy music; something to look forward to?

Maybe.

After getting off the bus and walking a little way, I said goodbye to Megan at the top of her road and made my way back home. In the kitchen was Mum and Hannah.

‘Hi, ‘I said as I put my bags down and sank into a chair with a sigh.

Taking off my shoes, and rubbing my tired feet was a heavenly experience. I wasn’t yet used to wearing heels but a girl had to suffer for the privilege of being able to wear them.

‘Well, said Hannah, ‘how did it go?’

‘OK,’ I replied, ‘I needn’t have worried, Tommy was sweet and nice to me. Things were a bit awkward at first, but we went for a little walk and sort of made up and hugged – talk about a bit weird. We had never done that before, but it was nice. I liked his girlfriend Tamsin. She’s got her head screwed on and I think she keeps him in check. Megan was great too and helped a lot.’

‘Sounds good,’ said Mum, ‘are you going to see them again soon?’

‘I hope so. The trouble is that we all have different lives and are busy at the moment. I’m hoping that we might meet up during the holidays though.’

‘I want to see this Tommy,’ said Hannah determinedly. ‘I want to make sure that he doesn’t go back to his bad ways.’

‘Ooh,’ I said, ‘My little heroine!’

‘Shut up Emma.’

‘I see that you are nearly back to your annoying self.’ I said sweetly.

She poked her tongue out and we all laughed.

So, life went on as normal. Well as normal as it ever was with me.

I was really getting into my studying and spent much of my time either buried in books or on my laptop when I wasn’t in college for lectures or meetings with my tutors.

Life was good to me, and I started to relax a bit. I had a few hospital appointments to sort out some minor plumbing issues but other than that, I was fine. I wanted to have full surgery to make me as girlie as possible, but as everyone was telling me, I was only sixteen and I would have to wait until I was eighteen and just keep taking the pills. I was never sure why that was the case where I was concerned as I was never truly a boy and never, ever wanted to be one.

I could, I suppose, have gone abroad to have the work done, but I didn’t think that I would ever get the funds from Antonia to do it and anyway, I had heard nightmare stories where things had gone wrong. No, I would have to be patient and wait for things to happen. My small breasts continued to grow but I knew that I would never have large breasts as my mother and sister weren’t that well-endowed. I was kind of pleased at that as I didn’t want to have huge breasts. The few girls that I knew who had larger breasts, thought them to be a pain in the neck. Was I mixing metathingies about that?

We were well into Autumn by now and the weather was far from nice. All over the country, the weather was awful. It seemed to rain every day. Cornwall is not so nice in the winter when it rains cats and dogs a lot of the time.

It was good in one way, as I could concentrate on my studies, but I missed going down to the harbour or onto the various beaches dotted around our area except on rare occasions. Occasionally all of us girls went into Penzance for a shopping, eating or cinema trip and that was nice, but all in all, I couldn’t wait for Spring and Summer to arrive.

Then, one day I had some news.

My mother had died.

I came back from college a bit late, I had met up with a few of my new college friends, ones that were in the same study group as me. We had talked shop and I didn’t realise how late it was getting. I caught the bus back to the village at sunset, which was getting annoyingly earlier and earlier by now. I wasn’t too worried as this was the night when Hannah went to Guides and wasn’t due back home until some time later.

I was no longer worried about being out alone during the day, although I would have second thoughts about doing that at night. I walked up the lane to our cottage and let myself in the back door. We rarely used the front one.

Mum and Dad were sitting at the kitchen table and they looked a bit glum. Dad was in uniform and looked very smart. He always looked good when he wore his uniform. Rare now as he was in CID...

‘Emma honey,’ said Mum, ‘come and sit down,’

‘What have I done wrong? ‘I asked as I took my coat off, hung it on the back of the chair and sat down.

‘Not made the bed or tidied up?’ I continued, ‘I was late for college and even so, what’s wrong with Hannah? She could have…’

‘It’s not that,’ said Mum, ‘look, we have some bad news.’

‘What?’ I asked, my heart suddenly thumping, ‘it’s not about those boys who tried to rape me…’

Mum sighed and looked at Dad, who nodded.

‘No Emma it’s not that. Look, it’s not easy to say, but your mother has died.’

My heart sort of flipped. After a moment, I looked at Dad and Mum, they looked so sad. I didn’t know how I felt at that moment.

‘What… what happened?’

Dad took over.

‘Your name flagged up a connection. Because of the attempted rape on you and the problems you have had with your family, I thought it prudent to have anything connected with you to be flagged up and passed on to me confidentially. All with the agreement of my superiors, as we felt that you might at some point, be in danger.’

‘What happened?’ I asked in a quiet voice.

I felt slightly sick and had a lump in my throat.

Dad continued whilst Mum held my hand.

‘According to reports and information from your father, she had been home for just a day from the hospital. They had let her out and removed the sectioning order, as she was no longer considered to be a danger to herself or others. Your father had gone out to do some shopping. When he came back, he went up to the bedroom and saw that she had overdosed on sleeping pills. He called an ambulance, and she was rushed to hospital but died on the way. I am so sorry Emma.’

From the history that I had with my mother and her cruelty to me, I should not have been affected by the sad news, but I was. I cried my eyes out on Mum’s shoulder and then once I had gotten over the initial shock, I said that I wanted to be alone and went upstairs to my bedroom.

I was glad that Hannah was out, as I didn’t want company at that moment, even hers.

I lay down on my bed and had another crying fit.

Once I calmed down a bit, I got up, went into the bathroom, and washed my face. My eyes were red with crying and my face looked a bit blotchy but, to be honest, I didn't care.

Going back to my bedroom, I went over to the window and stared out. I wondered why I was so upset. She had never brought any joy to my life and had actually hated me. She treated me as if I wasn’t a real part of the family and tried to poison everyone against me.

So, once again, why was I so upset?

Perhaps it was because of the shock and manner of her death and the fact that she should never have been let out of the hospital in her condition.

I was all cried out by now, but I had a splitting headache. I went back into the bathroom, took two paracetamols, and then lay down on the bed. I was soon asleep.

I awoke to someone cuddling me. Opening my eyes, I could see Hannah lying next to me. I smiled and kissed her.

‘Hello,’ I said.

She opened her eyes and then focussed.

‘Oh, I must have dropped off. How are you?’

‘Okay, I suppose,’

‘Sorry to hear about your mother.’

I shrugged.

‘I’ll get over it. I don’t know why I was so upset. She means nothing to me.’

‘Don’t fib. You don’t cry over someone that means nothing to you.’

We both sat up and she kissed me deeply. It was nice and took a bit of the unexplained pain away.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.

‘No, just kiss me again.’

After a while, we got up and after cleaning my face up, yet again, I followed Hannah downstairs. For some reason, I didn't want to be alone anymore.

The funeral was six weeks later. There were delays due to an autopsy and inquest. I didn’t go. Perhaps I should have, but I couldn’t face it or my father being there. My brother and sister went and had a stand-up row in the church with my father. He seemed to blame everyone for Mother's death, except himself. I believed then and still do, that Father would have gone mad if he saw me as a girl and not the wimpy boy he thought I was. Mother was ill for many years, I knew that and perhaps I should have gone, but I didn’t. She was out of my life now and I hoped that she was now at peace.

It was fast approaching Christmas and the village started to show its festive side. Many houses and cottages had started to put up decorations and down on the quay, a Christmas tree with lots of lights was to be switched on by the mayor of our small community on Saturday. The whole of the quay had been festooned in colourful Christmas lights and I was sure that it would all look very festive when the mayor threw the switch. Over to the side of the quay, part of the car park had been cordoned off and Hannah said that it was because an ice rink would be put together in time for the big switch-on. There would be plenty of Christmas stalls selling the usual Christmas nick-knacks, food and drinks. I was told that Christmas was a big thing in our village and plenty of people came from near and wide to get involved with the festivities and help the local economy at a time when otherwise it would be very quiet.

There would even be an appearance by Father Christmas and the local young children always got excited when that happened.

Evidently, the previous year the council leader had managed to get a few real reindeer in a pen so that the children could look at them and feed them carrots. Unfortunately, they escaped and were last seen on Bodmin moor having the time of their lives.

The small primary school up on the hill would hold a Christmas concert and that was always well attended. There would be a Christmas Eve carol service in the church next to the school and I liked the idea of that. I was a bit of a softy regarding carol singing, although my singing could crack windows according to Hannah, who had to listen to me when I was in the shower.

Looking forward to Christmas rather helped to improve my rather sad and depressed mood after the death of my mother. For some reason, for a while, I blamed myself for her death. I know that it was illogical, but it was how I felt.

My new family helped to get me out of my doldrums, and I eventually saw that it was a mental illness that caused my mother’s death and not me. I gradually came out of my shell and back into normality. I kept in touch with my brother and sister and we hoped to all get together in the not too far distant future.

As far as my studies went, I threw myself into my work and it got results. I was close to the top of my group and my tutors all thought that I was a star in the making! I wasn’t so sure of that as I was always full of self-doubt, no doubt due to my negative upbringing. Hannah told me not to be a wuss, whatever that means.

I was spending several hours a week on a clinical placement at West Cornwall Hospital and I was enjoying it immensely. I loved being part of a team and I was gradually been given more responsibility, like helping patients where I could, cleaning, bed pan stuff, and making beds. Together with learning all I could from the nurses and doctors on my ward and most importantly, being a sympathetic ear to the patients. My mentor, Sister Clare, said on occasion, that she was very pleased with my progress and in my considered opinion, I fully expected to perform brain surgery in a few months’ time!

I would have to be careful, as my big head might not be able to get through the door soon!

On the Saturday evening of the big lights switch on, just after dark, the whole family went down to the quay. We all dressed up as warm as possible, as it was a bit chilly outside, but at least it was a dry clear night. Amongst the twinkling stars, the full moon was bright and helped us down the lane by flooding it with a soft light.

We had spent the day decorating the cottage with the usual twinkling lights and decorations. We had a real tree in the corner of the sitting room freshly festooned with the usual lights and baubles. It was so pretty. Hannah and I had bought it just that day and struggled up the hill with it.

As I had never really enjoyed Christmas at my old, depressing home, what with the family problems that I had to contend with, it took a while to get into the spirit of the thing, but I was now an enthusiastic convert and I was getting quite excited about everything Christmassy.

Walking down the lane, we passed several houses and cottages that were brightly decorated and it all helped get me in the mood. Hannah, who was holding my gloved hand, could tell that I was getting excited. I was sixteen but I was feeling a bit more like a ten-year-old.

‘You can sit on Santa’s knee if you’re a good girl,’ she said grinning.

‘Ooh, can I – can I!’ I said, jumping up and down a bit for effect.

‘Weird,’ replied Hannah as we all laughed.

We were soon down on the quay and I was surprised at the number of people milling about. The ice rink looked great under the floodlights and already, a few hardy souls were falling about on the ice.

There were families with young children who looked almost more excited than me, and that was saying something. Everyone was making their way over to where the splendid, tall Christmas tree was. We passed several food stalls that had delicious smells that made my mouth water. Other stalls were selling Christmas decorations, crafty things and winter woollies.

Christmas music was coming out of strategically placed speakers and the whole thing was magical to me.

I remembered the previous Christmas and that lack of festive spirit when I lived with my parents. We never bothered with decorating the house. Father, more Scroogey that Scrooge always said that there was no point as they would only have to be taken down after a few weeks. We did have a tree, it was one of those weedy, false, plastic ones that never really looked like the real thing.

This was as different as chalk and cheese from those bad times and I made a conscious effort to forget those negative thoughts and just proceeded to enjoy the moment.

We stood with others as the mayor, Mr Jenkins, the plump and jovial butcher, who was the current mayor, resplendent in a red coat and with his chain of office around his neck, came up to the rostrum next to the tree.

He tapped the microphone and the music in the background stopped as he started to speak.

‘Thank you for all coming out on this chilly night. I know that the first thing I’m going to do after switching on the lights is to go and get some mulled wine, if my wife lets me.’

He glanced over to the Lady Mayoress, who smiled and nodded.

‘It’s a bit too cold to make long speeches, so all I need to do now is to say that the Christmas festivities are well and truly open and…’

He pressed a big red button in front of him and the lights on the Christmas tree and all the other colourful lights on the quay burst into life, transforming the whole area into something magical and wonderful to see.

Everyone went ‘ooh and ahh,’ and the kids young and old (including me), shouted with glee.

Slade’s, Merry Xmas Everybody came through the speakers, and everyone clapped. It was a good start.

Of course, I had to try the mulled wine. I had never had it before. There was a strange lack of anyone querying my age or Hannah’s for that matter, it was, after all, alcoholic. The hot mulled wine helped warm me up inside and out and I soon forgot how cold it really was. I had a hot dog and the others either had the same or a roll with hot pulled pork that looked nice and was tempted to try later.

Mum and Dad went off to the ice rink. I thought that they were mad but Hannah told me that they were both rather good. She suggested that we might have a go ourselves later, but as I had two left feet, I was a bit concerned that I might go base over apex.

We had agreed to meet our friends, Megan and the twins Sophie and Stephanie over by the coffee shop and that was where we made our way to after finishing our delish mulled wine. I was feeling suddenly slightly lightheaded. I wasn’t used to alcohol at any time, and it made me a bit giggly.

I held on to Hannah as she was swaying about slightly. She said that it was me doing the swaying but you can’t believe anything she says sometimes.

Anyway, our friends were already at the coffee shop, wisely sitting inside due to the weather. We ordered our drinks and I had a strong coffee as I was sorely in need of some sobering up. It was ridiculous that I felt this way and I wondered if I was allergic to alcohol and then I recalled that I was on medication and drugs and alcohol don’t always mix very well. Being a prospective doctor, I should have known better, but nobody is perfect. I would even avoid my favourite wine gums now, just in case. As for chocolate liquors…!

Soon, the warm drink sort of brought me back to relative normality and I stopped giggling as much and slurring my speech. The others thought that it was highly hilarious for some reason but I didn’t share their view, of course.

After our drinks, we went back outside and had a look around. Of course, we had to go and see how Mum and Dad were doing on the ice rink.

They were actually doing rather well and I was quite impressed. Whilst most around them were spending more time slipping over and falling about, they were going around in circles looking quite impressive. Mum even did one of those spinning things and I started to get a bit giddy just looking at her.

Sophie and Stephanie decided that they wanted to have a go and soon they were making a very good impression of Bambi as they tried, in vain, to keep standing.

Megan said that she was cold enough already without going on the ice to make a fool of herself and Hannah and I agreed, so we went off to have a look at some of the stalls. Over to the side was a queue of parents with excited children waiting to go into Santa’s grotto, complete with snowy stuff on the ground and a couple of girls dressed as Santa’s not-so-little helpers; the green and red striped tights were very convincing, if a little thin for the weather. I would have hated anyone to get frostbite; although, realistically, it was not that cold and I was just being a bit wimpy.

Hannah and Megan had another mulled wine, but I wisely decided not to and just had a hot chocolate complete with whipped cream and marshmallows bobbing on top.

We saw several people we recognised and had brief chats with them. That was the thing about our village, you got to know people and most were quite nice.

We did in the end go on the ice rink and I did fall over several times and have the bruises to prove it, but nothing was broken except one of my nails, a small price to pay for such a joyous occasion. One downside was that I was considered a bit too big to sit on Santa's lap, according to one of his helper/minders.

I didn’t sulk too much!

It was all for the best though, as my bottom was a bit sore from falling down on it on the ice rink and I felt that I might have to purchase a rubber ring to sit on. Hannah told me not to be such a wimp.

On the way back, full up on drinks and the occasional hot dog, burger, chips and pulled pork roll, we promised ourselves that we would go down there again, several times, as you can’t have enough of a good thing.

We said our goodbyes to the twins and Megan, promising to catch up in a few days and then Hannah and I, hand in hand, went up the lane to the cottage. Mum and Dad were still down on the quay and I marvelled at their stamina.

It had been a magical evening and one that I would remember for a long time. It was toasty warm in the cottage and the fireplace was warm and glowing from the logs that hadn’t fully burnt away. We put more logs on the fire so that when Mum and Dad came home, it would be warm for them.

‘I’m tired,’ yawned Hannah, ‘want to go to bed?’

I looked at the clock, it was only nine o’clock.

‘A bit early, isn’t it?’

‘Well,’ said Hannah, ‘We don’t actually have to go to sleep, there are other things we can do in bed,’

‘I can’t think of anything,’ I replied innocently.

‘I can,’ said Hannah smiling, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and grabbing hold of my hand.

The perfect end to a perfect day, apart from my poor bruised botty!

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

As far as home was concerned, Hannah and I were as close as a couple could be. I was constantly worried that it might all end in tears, and I was regularly being told not to be a silly moo.

Previously...

It had been a magical evening and one that I would remember for a long time. It was toasty warm in the cottage and the fireplace was warm and glowing from the logs that hadn’t fully burnt away. We put more logs on the fire so that when Mum and Dad came home, it would be warm for them.

‘I’m tired,’ yawned Hannah, ‘want to go to bed?’

I looked at the clock, it was only nine o’clock.

‘A bit early, isn’t it?’

‘Well,’ said Hannah, ‘We don’t actually have to go to sleep, there are other things we can do in bed,’

‘I can’t think of anything,’ I replied innocently.

‘I can,’ said Hannah smiling, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and grabbing hold of my hand.

The perfect end to a perfect day, apart from my poor bruised botty!

And now the story continues…

Life went on as it normally does, well as normal for me as possible. Soon we broke up at college, but to me, that meant that I spent more time at the hospital, doing my clinical placement thing and learning what I could with the help of some very patient nurses and a few sympathetic doctors.

I did as much as I could to help and tried not to get too much in the way.

I marvelled at the hard work and dedication of the nurses, doctors and all the other workers at the hospital. I wasn’t doing anything like the hours they had to do and to put it frankly I was completely knackered when I came home.

Mind you, I was learning so much and had to get used to the harrowing things that can happen in such an environment. The worst one so far was when a little boy came in after being hit by a car while on his bicycle. Unfortunately, he wasn’t wearing a helmet and didn’t survive.

It would be something I would just have to get used to, but I would never get hardened to it.

As far as home was concerned, Hannah and I were as close as a couple could be. I was constantly worried that it might all end in tears, and I was regularly being told not to be a silly moo.

My new mum and dad were everything to me and were, as far as I was concerned, the only real parents that I had ever had. I couldn’t believe my luck and pinched myself on occasion to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming and that I would wake up, still living with my old parents and still suffering at their hands.

One morning, I had got up late as I had been on an evening shift at the hospital. It was about ten o’clock when I came downstairs and yawning hugely, went into the kitchen.

Mum was there and I went over, said good morning and kissed her on the cheek, something that I loved to do. If Dad had been there, I would have done the same to him. Hannah was sitting there with a mug of tea in her hand.

‘Don’t I get a kiss too?’ she asked.

I smiled and did as she asked. It wasn’t exactly a chore, was it?

Soon, I was sitting next to her eating some microwaved porridge covered with warm milk - yummy.

‘So,’ said Mum as she sat there sipping her tea, ‘what are you up to today girls?’

‘Going into Penzance to get some Chrimbo pressies,’ said Hannah, ‘we’re meeting the twins and Megan at half past eleven and catching the bus.’

‘Okay; have a nice time,’ said Mum as she got up. ‘I’m popping over to see Mrs Renshaw, she is feeling a bit under the weather. I said that I would do her shopping.’

‘She must be at least 80,’ said Hannah.

‘88 actually and she has a hip problem now.’

‘That’s a shame, I like her.’
‘I don’t think that you’ve seen her yet have you Emma?’

‘No,’ I yawned, nearly dislocating my jaw in the process.

I was a bit monosyllabic after just waking up. My sunny personality didn’t normally surface until an hour or two after breakfast.

‘Hmm, Emma, you’re not taking on too much are you?’

‘What do you mean Mum?’ I said looking up at her blearily.

‘You are supposed to be on holiday, but you spend most of your days burying your head in medical books and then going to the hospital. You need to slow down a bit. You don’t want to burn yourself out.’

‘I know Mum, but I’m desperate to do well and I need to do what I’m doing to get where I want to be.’

‘You’re no fun at the moment Emma. I want to be a nurse and I’m studying hard too, but you’ve gone overboard,’ said Hannah.

‘I’m going shopping with you, aren’t I?’

‘Yes, but you need to cool it all a bit.’

I sighed.

‘I’ll try,’ I replied.

‘Right,’ said Hannah, I’m going to get changed. Hurry up with your breakfast we don’t want to miss the bus, it’s the last one for two hours.’

‘Alright Miss Bossy Pants, I won’t be long.’

With that Hannah gave me ‘that look’ poked her tongue out and went off leaving Mum and me.

She was looking at me and then, after a moment, sat down again.

‘I’m worried about you Emma. You don’t seem that happy.’

‘Sorry Mum, but I don’t know what’s wrong. I suppose that things are getting a bit on top of me. I keep thinking about my mother for some reason.’

‘Well, she died recently and it takes time to get over a thing like that.’

‘But she was horrible to me.’

‘Yes, but she was still your mother and blood is thicker than water.’

‘I know.’

Mum looked at me and I could see the look of concern in her face.

‘Do you know what I think?’

‘No.’

‘You haven’t let go and said a proper goodbye to her. That’s what funerals are for, to say goodbye. Funerals are for the living and not the dead. The dead have already moved on if you like, but you haven’t.’

‘Probably,’ I replied doubtfully.

‘The day after tomorrow, I’m free. Would you like to go to the crematorium to say goodbye to her?’

‘Do I have to?’

‘No, you don’t. I’m not forcing you but I think that you should go and then you can move on with your life. She was a sick woman. Who knows how much her attitude to you was due to that? You owe it to yourself to go and then draw a line through everything.’

I thought for a moment. What she said made a lot of sense and it might help me to get back on track and be a little bit more cheerful.

‘All right, I’ll go, but only if you and Hannah come with me.’

So there I was on a train with Mum and Hannah on the way back to London for the first time since I left my old family with all the pain, tension and heartache of my previous life behind me. I slept most of the way as I had had another late shift at the hospital the previous evening due to the fact they were desperately short there, as a lot of the staff had come down with either the flu or stomach bug that was doing the rounds. Not surprising, as a lot of people were obviously sick in the hospital and bugs flew around. We all wore masks, but you can still catch nasty things.

Eventually, we arrived, and I was reasonably awake after my extended nap.

We caught two buses and then, there we were at the cemetery.

We went to the office to find out where Mum was. I’m not keen on cemeteries, let’s face it, it isn’t a place that one would go to willingly except to visit the dear departed. My mind was in a bit of a turmoil as we headed in the direction of Mum’s grave.

Hannah held my hand and I was reassured by the presence of Mum. Eventually, we arrived and Mum and Hannah sat on a seat as I walked over to her grave.

On the gravestone, the words said:

We had bought some flowers at the entrance of the cemetery, and I placed them in the vase in front of the headstone.

I felt a lump in my throat as I looked down at the new grave that held the remains of my mother.

‘Well Mum, I hope that you are now at peace. I’m sorry that you never liked or loved me. If you are looking down at me now. I want you to know that I forgive you, as you were ill and probably not responsible for your actions. As it says on your headstone, rest in peace.’

I stood there for a few moments, willing her to speak from beyond the grave and give me a sign that she did care and love me after all, but I heard nothing.

‘Goodbye Mother,’ I said with a choked voice.

I turned away and into the welcome arms of Mum and Hannah. I cried my eyes out and I wasn’t the only one.

As I walked away from the grave with Hannah holding one hand and Mum the other, I felt a lightning of my spirit. I had finally let go and I sensed somehow that things would get better from then on.

And things did get better. It was as if a great weight was now off my shoulders. I reduced the amount of work that I was doing, realising that I was working to forget my past and all the heartache. I eased off my college work a bit, although I did so enjoy studying and I also reduced the amount of time at the hospital, although I did do more than I was required to do and had promised to help out at a couple of the children’s wards on Christmas Day afternoon and Hannah was going too as she had a clinical placement there too now.

Mum and Dad evidently stuffed themselves so much on Christmas Day that they normally spent the afternoon asleep, snoring loudly in front of the telly. This is what Hannah told me and she was a bit biased, but I thought that it would be good to do something nice and worthy at Christmastime and we both looked forward to going.

On Christmas Eve, we wrapped our presents up in secret so that prying eyes wouldn’t find out early what was being given to them. That meant that I went next door to my cottage to do the present wrapping. It was handy that I had that bolthole that I could use at any time.

I now lived permanently at Seashell Cottage and so I did not use my cottage much. I had ideas that I might rent the cottage out so that it might give me a welcome income whilst going through medical school and beyond.

All that was for next year though and we would enjoy Christmas as a family and that gave me a warm feeling in my tummy.

I went to sleep that night in a lot better place both physically and mentally than I had been the previous year.

I was a little hot and sweaty as Hannah and I had been rather athletic in bed and we tried a few new things that we had learnt for Uncle Google, which we shouldn’t have been looking at but did anyway. we couldn’t be bothered to have a shower as we were far too knackered as Hannah charmingly put it and anyway, would wake us up too much.

Christmas morning was a lovely experience for me.

I woke up to Hannah kissing me gently on the lips.

‘Morning sleepyhead,’ she said smiling, ‘Happy Christmas!’

‘Happy Christmas,’ I yawned, what time is it?’

‘Ten past eight. Can you smell the cooking?’

I sniffed.

‘Mmm, that does smell nice.’

‘Eggs bacon, sausages and fried bread. A good, traditional, healthy Christmas breakfast.’

‘Sounds yummy,’ I replied, sitting up.

‘I need a shower first though.’

‘Me too, shall we?’

We shalt.

After our invigorating and up close and personal shower, we got dressed and went downstairs.

Mum and Dad were in the kitchen having a kiss and a cuddle.

‘Yuk!’ said Hannah.

I just blushed.

Mum and Dad untangled but didn’t look too embarrassed at their public display of affection that would have been banned in most public places.

They both looked at us and laughed.

Hannah and I were wearing matching red Christmas pyjamas that we thought that it would be a hoot to wear for breakfast. They were nice and comfortable and very festive. We would dress later, but for now, it was the perfect look.

‘Merry Christmas!’ said Mum coming over and hugging us both.

Dad did the hug thing too and then we all sat around the large round kitchen table and tucking into our breakfast.

The smells coming from the oven were delicious and mouthwatering.

‘So,’ said Dad, ‘are you still going to the hospital this afternoon?’

‘Yes, we said that we would be there by about three.’ I replied.

‘Right, well I want to have a few drinks today and it’s my day off, so I won’t be driving you.’

‘Dad,’ whined Hannah, ‘how are we going to get there, walk?’

‘It’s not far, if you go now you should get there in time,’ he replied with a po-face.

‘Don’t be cruel John,’ said Mum.

He laughed.

‘Well, it’s a good job that one of the patrol cars will be passing by us at about the time you need to go and that they just happen to need to go into Penzance and co-incidentally, they might be outside the hospital at roughly in time to pick you up and bring you home as they would need to patrol our area as part of their duties.’

‘Isn’t that abusing your position,’ I asked innocently.

‘Yes, but rank hath it’s privileges. Don’t you want a lift then?’

‘Yes Daddykins,’ I said getting up and giving him an enthusiastic hug and kiss on his cheek.

‘Yuk, put him down Emma, He’s just snogged Mum and you might catch something!’

We all laughed and continued with our breakfasts.

I won’t go into too much detail about that morning except to say that it was absolutely wonderful and unlike any Christmas I had ever experienced.

OK, I will tell you about a few things. After breakfast, we opened our presents and we had the usual stuff, smellies, undies and choccies. Dad bought Mum a lovely necklace and she bought him a new iPhone which did everything except do the washing up. My special present to Hannah was a cute LBD that she had been lusting about for ages and giving me not-so-subtle hints that she wanted, no, needed it.

Mum and Dad then got up and mumbled something about pealing some sprouts and then left the room together.

Hannah went over to the tree and then picked up a small square gift-wrapped box with a tiny red bow and handed it to me.

Frowning slightly, wondering what it might be, I carefully unwrapped it.

I looked at the small red-hinged box and then…

‘Stop Emma, don’t open it yet.’

She came over and knelt beside me.

I looked at her questioningly. She looked serious and not a little nervous.

Did she want to break up with me? It would break my heart if she did…

‘Emma, you know that I love you?’

‘Yes, of course. I love you too, you know that.’

‘I know that we are still very young but I want you to know that there is no one else in the world that I would ever want to be with other than you.’

My heart was thumping for some reason and I was getting a little tearful and I noticed that she was too…

‘Emma, hopefully one day I will be a nurse and you will be a doctor. We might have to move away from each other during our studies, but I want you to know that as far as I am concerned you will always be the one for me and I love you more than anything.’

‘What are you saying?’

She took a deep breath.

‘You can open the box now.’

With shaking hands, I did as she asked.

Inside was a diamond ring – an engagement ring!

I gasped.

‘I am saying that when we are ready, I want to marry you if you’ll have me. So will you marry me?’

I couldn’t tear my eyes off the beautiful ring. I took it out and placed it on my finger and then looked up with tears in my eyes.

‘Yes, you silly moo, of course I’ll marry you, wherever and whenever you say. I love you so much!’

It took a while to pull ourselves together. We sat on the comfortable settee and hugged closely, my head on her shoulder.

We talked quietly about our decision to become engaged.

‘I suppose that Mum and Dad know about this?’

‘How did you figure that out?’

‘They left the room together and I can’t see Dad peeling sprouts, somehow.’

‘All right smarty-pants. They did know. I spoke to them about it last week. They said that it was nice but Dad said that he was a bit worried, as we are very young to commit ourselves like that. Mum said, don’t be a wet blanket.’

We giggled at that.

‘We are only sixteen, but I don’t care,’ I said, ‘age is just a number.’

‘That’s a bit deep, even for you Emma. Well, I do know that Mum and Dad became engaged at seventeen but didn’t marry until they were twenty-one.’

‘Well, with me studying to become a doctor, we’ll be older than that before I qualify, but according to Antonia, because of my Nan, money isn’t a problem and if we decide to marry before I qualify, then I certainly wouldn’t mind, but we can decide about that later.’

‘Of course,’ said Hannah, ‘I’m only marrying you for your money?’

‘That’s what I thought, and I’m only marrying you because I rather like playing with your body.’

We both started giggling and then Mum and Dad came into the sitting room.

Mum looked at us.

‘I take it you said yes, Emma.’

Sitting up, I waved my finger at them, the stone glittering in the light.

‘What do you think?’

For our Christmas dinner Hannah and I had changed from our festive PJ’s into nice frocks. Hannah wanted to wear the delicate black dress that I gave her, but I said no as she could be a messy eater and she didn’t want to ruin it. So we put on nice dresses that suited the occasion without being over the top. My dress was dark blue, V-necked and cap sleaved and Hannah’s was similarly styled but in maroon.

Christmas dinner was lovely. Mum could really cook and afterwards, I was well and truly stuffed.

Hannah and I even had a glass of red wine and it made us both a bit giggly and in need of strong coffee before leaving for the hospital.

We changed before going out. It was flaming cold outside and thin dresses weren’t a very good idea. Also, for once, we didn’t need to wear our uniforms so I changed into jeans with thick tights and over a silky camisole, I wore a festive jumper with a red-nosed reindeer on the front. Hannah wore jeans too, but her jumper had a snowman with a carrot nose. We both looked quite festive if you ask me.

Mum and Dad were in the sitting room seemingly watching It’s a Wonderful Life but in reality, they were in sleepy mode.

We said our goodbyes and after putting on our hats, coats and scarves, we went out into the wintery cold. There had been a sprinkling of the snow on the ground and the boots we were wearing were a good choice as they were low heeled and had grippy soles.

We were picked up by two nice police officers, Rachel and Sue. They didn’t mind giving us a lift and we had a lively conversation about clothes, makeup, music and other important topics of conversation.

We thanked them as they dropped us off at the hospital entrance. They promised to pick us up from the staff car park in three hours' time.

Soon we made our way to the children’s surgical ward and got stuck in trying to cheer up and have fun with the kids, many of whom were bed-bound and unable to get about. It was nice to see the kids having a nice time, despite their problems. The ward had lots of decorations and a tree in the corner with twinkling lights that all gave the place a more festive look than was normal.

Little Harry had two broken legs due to a car accident and was in traction. He was only 7 years old and I spent some time with him reading him his favourite book I Swapped My Sister for a Stinky Stegosaurus! I don’t know about him, but I thought that it was hilarious!

Maisie had just had an operation and was a bit groggy but she was cheerful enough when I helped change her brand new dolly’s dress and we played a bit of make-believe where she was a superhero, flying through the air and throwing snowballs at yucky, naughty boys.

All too soon, it was time to leave as it was visiting time and I was sure that the kids would prefer to see their parents rather than us. We said our goodbyes to our new little friends, put on our coats, hats, gloves and scarves once again and made our way downstairs and out into the chilly darkness outside.

That was the trouble with winter, it got dark far too early and it always seemed later than it was. The roads and paths were a bit slippery and icy as it was subzero temperatures, surprising as, being in Cornwall, we normally had a milder climate than many other places. Christmas is a time for happiness and good cheer, but the place was buzzing with A&E looking very busy and plenty of ambulances coming and going.

We crossed the road that led to where the staff car park was. Just inside the car park, we could see the police car waiting for us.

‘Good timing,’ said Hannah shivering, ‘I can’t wait for summer.’

Holding hands to prevent us from slipping over we walked across the road. The full moon was out, casting an eery glow on the ground that still had a sprinkling of snow on it and a lot of stars were shining in the almost cloudless sky. I was looking forward to getting home and having some eggnog, whatever that was…

Suddenly, I could hear the roar of a car coming toward us at speed. I turned to look and in an instant I recognised it. It was my father’s yellow SsangYong Rodius, a very distinctive and unusual car in the UK. I knew it was him as in the glow of the street lights, I saw his face, almost touching the windscreen as he came straight towards us.

All this happened in a flash.

His car came at us and I just knew that he wanted to run us down.

I desperately pushed Hannah, who did not seem aware of what was going on, out of the way.

I tried to jump out of the way too, but slipped on the ice before I could escape.

The engine roared and I could hear a scream.

The car hit me with a loud thump and I flew up and over the car, spinning like a top.

I landed heavily but strangely felt no pain.

I heard the sound of a car crash and an explosion, and I felt the sensation of intense heat and then everything went dark.

I woke up to the sounds of beeps. I briefly opened my eyes and then shut them again.

Where was I?

I was disoriented, my thoughts confused.

Opening my eyes again I noticed that the lights above me were dim. I felt a bit of pain in my leg, which was raised slightly and in a cast with my prettily painted red toenails poking out of the end. My chest ached and appeared to be strapped up. I had various leads attached to me and I had more aches and pains in a few places, but the pains were dull except for my head. It felt like the builders were in, using sledgehammers and pneumatic drills enthusiastically.

I quite was groggy though and vaguely realised that I was in hospital and on a bed but I had no idea why.

Then it all came back to me.

The car that hit me.

Dad!

I tried to sit up but groaned as the pain in my ribs and leg stabbed sharply.

‘Ouch!’

I heard a few steps and there she was, my Hannah, her arm in a sling.

‘About time you woke up. I nearly called the undertaker to cart you away. How are you?’

‘Rough, what about you?’

‘Dislocated arm, clunked back in by a dishy nurse by the name of Clarabel of all things, but the arm’s still a bit painful. What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘How do you feel silly?’

‘Like somebody put me in a spin dryer and spun me on the high setting.’

‘Not surprising really. You shouldn’t summersault through the air like that.’

I was quiet for a moment and then it all came back more clearly.

‘My father?’

‘Sorry Honey, he didn’t make it.’

I felt numb. Maybe I should be a crying wreck, but I think the pills were dulling my senses a bit and the true shock of what happened would come back and haunt me.

‘Tell me about it.’

She dragged a chair up and sat by me, holding my free hand with her good one.

‘Are you sure that you want to hear about it yet?’

‘Yes; please Hannah, I need to know.’

‘All right, but this is going to upset you. Well, we crossed the road to get to the car park and then that car came at us at speed, it was obvious that it was going to hit us and my little heroine, namely you, pushed me out of the way in a split second and then you got hit by the car and you were thrown over it. The car skidded on the icy road and then hit a lamppost at speed and just blew up.

‘There wasn’t a lot left of it or him after the fireball but the reg number was listed as a car owned by your dad.’

‘It was my father; I saw him the instant before his car hit me.’

‘Yes, they are going through dental records but they were pretty sure that it was him anyway. As far as you are concerned, the doctors want to tell you what’s wrong with you but to hell with that I’m nearly, well almost training to be a nurse and I can tell you that you have a broken leg, three cracked ribs and various other smaller problems that the doctor will tell you about.’

‘So, I’ll live?’

‘Probably.’

‘Your bedside manner stinks.’

‘Tell it how it is, I say.’

‘I take it that your pre-nursing training doesn’t include compassion then?’

‘Probably, anyway enough of that nonsense. Mum and Dad will be coming to see you later. Be prepared for fuss bother and tears. Mum will get upset too.’

‘I thought that Dad was the strong silent type.’

‘Nah, he even cried when Bambi lost his Mum when we saw the film last Christmas.’

I closed my eyes.

‘You’re tired, I’ll go and get some of that disgusting dishwater they call coffee from the machine. Are you thirsty?’

I opened my eyes.

‘A bit.’

‘Want some water?’

‘Please.’

She poured some out and gave it to me and then because my hand was a bit shaky, she helped me to drink it.

‘Thanks.’

After I had finished my drink, she took the glass from me and put it on the bedside cabinet.

She sat down again.

‘Aren’t you going to get yourself a coffee? I asked.

Her face sort of crumpled and she started crying.

‘Hannah,’ I said holding onto her hand, ‘what’s wrong Honey?’

‘I…I thought that he’d killed you. You were so still and…and your leg was at a funny angle and... and.’

‘Hannah, I made it didn’t I? I couldn’t leave my fiancée in the lurch now, could I? I’m a lot tougher than I look. Now dry your eyes out, your mascara is threatening to run. You do not want panda eyes. Now, go and get your coffee and get me one too, as long as I’m not nil by mouth or banned from having any. Ask your dishy nurse, what was her name? Oh yes Chlorine, wasn’t it?’

She laughed through her tears.

‘Clarabel, you idiot. I’m allowed to look aren’t I?’

‘Yes, but not touch. Now shoot off.’

She sniffed again and just kissed me and stood up.

‘I love you,’ she said.

‘Me, too you.’

She went out, closing the door quietly.

Then it hit me.

I could have died.

My own father wanted to kill me.

Just by good luck, he didn’t get his wish and died in the process.

Why he wanted me dead, I didn’t think that I would ever know, but it looked like he blamed me for everything.

I must admit that I cried then, big sobbing tears for all the nasty things that had happened lately. This was the second time I had been in hospital due to people who hated me. Was I such a bad person?

I was glad that Hannah took her time getting back to me. She was, no doubt, repairing her makeup. As it was, I had only just pulled myself together when she came back in with two coffees.

She came over, put a coffee on the table and took the lid off hers. Blowing on the drink, she gave a tentative sip and then grimaced.

‘At least it’s wet and warm,’ she said.

‘I’ll try mine in a minute.’

She looked at me.

‘You’ve been crying.’

‘A bit. It’s sinking in now.’

‘Not a very good Christmas is it.’

‘What day is it?’

‘Boxing Day.’

‘Oh no, I’ve spoilt things for everyone.’

I started crying again; not something that I did much, but it was all getting to me now.

‘Stop that. Or you’ll start me off again. Look, Emma, be thankful that you are still alive, and your father is now finally out of your hair. Everyone who knows you loves you to bits. Anyway, we’ve all agreed to put the remainder of Christmas hols on hold until you are out of here. Mum has about a thousand mince pies and other goodies that need eating but she’ll freeze them and then there’s all the chocolates…’

She sighed. She loved chocolate. So did I, come to think of it.

‘I’d love a Cadbury’s Flake,’ I said wistfully.

‘Terry’s Chocolate Orange for me.’

We both sighed.

She stayed with me for about another ten minutes. By then, I was yawning so much that my jaw was in danger of dislocation. Anyway, a nurse came in and had to check my vitals, so Hannah kissed me and said that she would be back later with Mum and Dad.

I was sad to see her go but I was so tired.

I let the nurse do her thing.

When she finished, I asked if the doctor was coming to see me.

‘Yes Emma, he’s on his rounds and will see you soon.’

She smiled and left me.

I looked around the room for the first time and realised that it was a private one, almost like a posh hotel room. That was nice as there would be less chance of dropped bedpans, coughing patients and other distractions. Don’t ever say that money has no uses, in these situations, it’s nice to have some funds to pay for things. I said a silent thank you to my dear nan for all of her help from the other side.

I did miss her so much and wished that I had been able to spend more time with her whilst she was still with us.

The one thing that is normal for a hospital patient stuck in bed is the boredom. I couldn’t even do any studying as I had no books and anyway, the doctor told me that I was to rest my aching head and not stuff it with anything else until I was a bit better. I knew the doctor anyway as I had come across him during my placement at the hospital. He was nice and friendly with a bedside manner that eclipsed Hannah’s!

‘Well Emma, you certainly been through it,’ he said after examining me shortly after Hannah left, ‘you should be able to go home tomorrow. The fracture was a clean one and should heal quite nicely. Your ribs should knit well too. Whilst you were out of it, we did a CT scan of your skull and there’s nothing to worry about there. Your headaches should ease by itself but, as you know, if there are any contraindications like feeling sick, blackouts or if your headaches don’t improve, you must come back, okay?’

I just nodded.

‘Right, I need to go and see some really sick patients now, so take it easy, relax and get yourself well.’

With that, he left me to my thoughts.

Later that day, I had a visit from the police who asked if I was well enough to give them a statement about what they laughingly called ‘the incident’.

I told them all that I knew and when they left, I had another cry. Recalling what happened didn’t help my mental wellbeing.

I was able, with help from a nurse to change out of the awful, drafty hospital gown and into a nice nightie brought in by Hannah and that cheered me up a bit. For some daft reason, I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup. I wanted to hide a rather vivid bruise on my cheek, but the nurse Chlorine or whatever her name was, wouldn’t let me.

Anyway, enough of the Moaning Minnie Mode.

That evening Mum and Dad came to see me and they were a welcome sight. They initially kept off the subject of what happened and I was pleased about that as I didn’t want to think about it. They were cheerful and just happy that I was still alive and would hopefully be coming home soon.

I told them that I would be allowed out the following day if I behaved and didn’t do anything naughty!

Mum went off to get some dishwater – sorry coffee for us and a few magazines for me, and I took the opportunity to talk to Dad, as I had to know.

‘Dad, do you know anything more about what happened?’

He thought for a moment and looked troubled.

‘This might not be the right time to talk about it.’ he said, looking uncomfortable.

‘Please Dad, I need to know.’

He looked at me and sighed.

‘It’s very unpleasant. Are you sure that you are well enough? Wouldn’t you rather wait until we get you home?’

‘No Dad. I need to know now. I’m racking my brain about what happened and why and I’ll not get any peace until I find out what made him do what he did.’

‘Alright but if you get too upset, I’ll stop.’

He looked out of the window for a moment and then back at me. He held onto my hand.

‘Your father left a note…’

‘A note, where?’

‘In the hotel room that he was booked into. We traced it through his credit card statements. Anyway, I can’t let you see that note at the moment as it’s evidence and anyway, I wouldn’t recommend it; trust me, it’s nasty. The note told us what we suspected but couldn’t prove. Your father killed your mother by giving her an overdose of the pills she had taken that had been dissolved in a drink of gin and tonic…’

I gasped and gripped his hand tighter.

‘Are you sure that you want…’ he said.

‘Please.’

‘Okay. He wrote that he wanted her dead because he could not take it anymore. Her mental illness and you had ruined everything for him. He blamed her for your birth and you for her mental illness. He just didn’t want another child and he thought you were never a normal boy. He got a private detective to investigate things and, after fishing about, he somehow found out about your grandmother's will and the sections of it that he wasn’t aware of and importantly, what had been left to you, your brother and sister. During the investigation, he discovered that you were living as a girl in a cottage that, according to your father, should have gone to him and not you. By the way, that’s all he found out. I understand Antonia gave the man the brush off when he tried to find out more about you and your finances and she did not divulge anything to him. However, a girl in her office was sacked due to some breaches of confidentiality, so you can read into that what you will.

‘The detective was a good one and he managed to find out your new name and also that you were often working at the hospital. How your dad knew that you were going to be at the hospital on Christmas Day, I don’t know, but suspect that he or his investigator have been following you; your father seems to have been a very obsessive character. Anyway, regarding the note, he said that he wanted you dead and that he would do it as soon as possible, probably by running you over somehow. He was vitriolic about what he felt about you. He finally wrote that he had had enough and believed that you had ruined his life. He had nothing to live for and would kill himself after finishing you off as he charmingly put it. He was a bitter and twisted man. There were other things in the note that were disturbing, and I don’t think that you should ever read it. We have the name of the investigator and will be looking for him. We need to interview him as there may be charges brought against him.’

By now, I was in a bit of a state and luckily for me, just then, Mum came into the room and immediately came over and hugged me, telling Dad off for upsetting me.

‘I needed to know Mum.’ I said as she comforted me.

It took a while for me to get over what Dad had told me and I decided early on, that I would never read what I considered to be a suicide note. To me, he was never a father and I would shed no more tears over that imbittered and disturbed man. I decided that I would not be attending his funeral, whenever that would be.

At some stage, I was to be referred to a psychiatrist to work through my problems and what had happened to me. I would have to do that regarding my transition anyway, but I was not looking forward to reliving all of my past.

That night, I was woken up several times by a sadistic nurse to check that everything was okay. This was normal procedure for concussion patients but didn’t help me rest very much.

Those times that I did manage to sleep, I had a recurring dream about my father’s attempt to kill me and Hannah too. Unpleasant dreams or rather nightmares but, I supposed understandable in the circumstances. I had touched on PTSD during my studies, and it was obvious that I was badly affected by my experiences. I only hoped that the bad stuff would fade in time and then I would go back to normal, whatever that was. Maybe the psychiatrist would help me with that?

The next day, I was allowed to go home, which was nice. I preferred to be a prospective healer in a hospital rather than a patient and anyway, I much preferred Mum’s cooking! Mum had brought me a long skirt and top as anything with legs was out of the question. I had on a thick woolly jumper, coat scarf and gloves, all to keep the cold out.

Having a broken tibia was a pain in the neck… was I mixing metawhatsits there?

I had to use a wheelchair with my leg sticking out and getting in the way. It was almost like a lethal weapon, sticking out like that. I could have used crutches, but it wasn’t advisable as that would have put an unnecessary strain on my leg.

Luckily, the hospital had transport for me and took me back home. With Mum and Hannah following in their car, we left the hospital and made our way home.

As we left the hospital, we passed by the place where ‘the incident’ happened. My heart sort of flipped as I looked at it. My father’s car or what was left of it had been taken away. The lamppost was still there but at an extremely strange angle, the broken light nearly touching the ground. There were heavy scorch marks where the car had caught fire and I had a sudden flashback about what happened. I shivered and wondered at what speed his car was doing when he hit the lamppost. Hannah and I had been lucky that the police car that was to give us a lift home was there and able to help us. I thought that I would have to find out their names and thank them sometime soon.

We arrived home and with a bit of a fuss, the ambulance driver decanted me and Mum and Hannah somehow got me into the cottage and after taking off my outside clothes, I sank into an armchair with thanks, my foot resting on a convenient pouffe footstool.

It was nice to be home in the cosy sitting room with the Christmas decorations and tree with the lights twinkling on and off.

I was tired, due to the lack of proper sleep, the medications and all the stress and before I knew it, I was asleep.

When I finally woke up, it was dark outside, and the lights were on. I was in the room by myself, and the fire was cracking gently in the grate.

I yawned. On the coffee table was my mobile phone and I picked it up, I had several messages from my brother, sister, Megan and the twins, all asking me how I was and when could they come over and see me.

I smiled. I had so many people who cared for me and it was a stark contrast to my previous life where I couldn’t count on friends with even one finger.

Hannah came in and smiled as she came over and kissed me gently on the lips.

‘Hello sleepyhead.’

‘Hi.’

‘Feel a bit better?’

‘Yes, now that I’m home and with you.’

‘My phone’s been running red hot with the messages about you. Even Ivy and Len sent a text.’

‘I didn’t even know that they could text.’

‘Don’t be nasty and ageist; everyone is worried about you.’

‘That was a bit insensitive, sorry.’

I yawned.

‘Not still sleepy are you? You could sleep for England.’

‘I know, it’s the painkillers, I think.’

‘And the stress?’

‘Hark at you, the almost Miss Nurse.’

She stroked my hair, which was rather nice.

‘When I’m up to it, we must go shopping,’ I said, looking at her pretty eyes.

‘What for?’

‘You gave me an engagement ring and I need to get one for you.’

‘That sounds nice. One with a rock that’s so big that my finger might have trouble carrying the weight?

‘Dream on!’

To be continued...

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue

How I wasn't chucked out of the cottage or had to return my engagement ring to Hannah, I’ll never know. Eventually, I was back to being my normal self. Whatever that was! .

Previously...

‘Hello sleepyhead.’

‘Hi.’

‘Feel a bit better?’

‘Yes, now that I’m home and with you.’

‘My phone’s been running red hot with the messages about you. Even Ivy and Len sent a text.’

‘I didn’t even know that they could text.’

‘Don’t be nasty and ageist; everyone is worried about you.’

‘That was a bit insensitive, sorry.’

I yawned.

‘Not still sleepy are you? You could sleep for England.’

‘I know, it’s the painkillers, I think.’

‘And the stress?’

‘Hark at you, the almost Miss Nurse.’

She stroked my hair, which was rather nice.

‘When I’m up to it, we must go shopping,’ I said, looking at her pretty eyes.

‘What for?’

‘You gave me an engagement ring and I need to get one for you.’

‘That sounds nice. One with a rock that’s so big that my finger might have trouble carrying the weight?

‘Dream on!’

And now the story continues…

It took a while to get over my injuries, but get over them, I did. The day my leg plaster was removed was a day of celebration, not least because I was able to scratch the places that had, for far too long, been inaccessible to me. Knitting needles did not always reach the right spot!

It was late Spring by the time I was able to walk without any aid. The winter had been rather harsh and full of rain and the occasional flurry of snow. I must admit that I do not like being ill or injured and I was a bit trying sometimes.

How I wasn't chucked out of the cottage or had to return my engagement ring to Hannah, I’ll never know. Eventually, I was back to being my normal self. Whatever that was!

It was nice to be able to get around unaided. I was soon going about doing what I used to do, that is, going back to college and my work at the hospital, although I had to go to a physio to help with strengthening my leg muscles that had atrophied a bit due to lack of use and sadly, I still had a bit of a limp

Somehow, the death of my parents, although tragic and strangely upsetting, had enabled me to draw a line under my former life and I was now, finally, able to move on. I was now closer to my brother and sister than I had ever been before and I had seen them both and their lovely partners a few times.

The police made extensive enquiries about my father and concluded that he did in fact murder my mother, as previously mentioned.

Regarding his attempt to kill me, many years before, he had been an auto electrician and knew all about car wiring. He had rigged his car to explode on impact after the murder of me and Hannah. Somehow, he had obtained some plastic explosives and also there were signs of several containers suspected of containing petrol in the car. The consensus was that he was not of a safe mind. I think that anyone who wanted to kill himself this way was not all there. It was entirely possible, according to those who knew about these things, that the car might not have caught fire or exploded the way it did when it crashed into that lamppost.

Well, he got his wish and his car did explode. At least it was a quick end.

I never did find out how long he had been stalking me and also how he came to be waiting for me to come out of the hospital and cross that road…

Anyway, I had to move on and I looked forward to a happier, less fraught life, but wasn’t holding my breath on that score!

I had been seeing a trick-cyclist for my mental problems. Emily was a nice lady but was very strong on asking me how I felt about this, that and the other, without, I thought, really getting to the bottom of my troubles. After our sessions though, I did feel like I had had my brain removed, given a wash and tumble dry and then replaced back into my somewhat confused head. It appeared that I was suffering from PTSD, although I had always erroneously thought that that was a thing that only people in the armed forces or police would suffer from. Being a future (I hoped) doctor, I investigated the matter more closely and I learned that anyone who had traumatic experiences could have those horrible symptoms and it looked like I had a lot to learn!

I suppose my sessions with Emily did help somewhat, as my horrible dreams seemed to get less and less and I gradually stopped blaming myself for everything that had happened, illogical though that was.

Anyway, enough of that gloom and doom. I was alive and relatively well. I couldn't go running yet as the doctors said that I had to build up my strength before putting such a strain on my newly healed leg.

What I did do, with medical permission, was start using my bike again, as the weather was improving nicely after a rather severe and wet winter. I managed to drag a protesting Hannah with me on her bone shaker of a bike on some of my rides.

In the end, Hannah started enjoying our outings and actually bought a nice new bike. It was all bells and whistles and with several hundred gears so, she said, that she could get up the brutal Cornish hills without too much strain and avoid the inevitable heart attack.

Such a drama queen!

We gradually went further afield, and late one afternoon, after riding along several long and winding, narrow lanes, we found ourselves at my favourite beach. I hadn't visited there since the previous summer; which seemed like a lifetime ago, with all that had happened to me. We parked our bikes behind the small wooden cafe and then, hand in hand, we walked down the soft sandy beach with our shoes off. It was a warm, almost summerlike day, with very little breeze. I loved the way the warm sand oozed through my toes.

Overhead were some rather noisy seagulls. Luckily, we weren’t eating ice creams and therefore were reasonably safe from any dive-bombing kamikaze birds.

Hannah had been on that beach before but only when she was a little girl. I said to her that she wasn’t much bigger now and that set us off as she chased me along the beach with me screaming and her threatening me with a soaking!

As we raced along the sandy shore, the sun began its slow descent, casting a warm golden glow across the horizon, reflecting its warm light against the light fluffy clouds. The beach was bathed in a magical light that intensified the vibrant hues of the sea and the sky.

Our playful chase eventually led us to a more secluded part of the beach where the sand was softer beneath our feet. Hannah, with a mischievous glint in her eye, suddenly stopped and bent down to pick up a handful of wet sand. Before I could react, she hurled it at me, and a playful sand fight erupted between us. I think that our screams must have been heard in the church at the top of the hill, a good half a mile away!

The seagulls overhead seemed to be spectators to our impromptu battle, their raucous calls adding to the somewhat lively atmosphere. As the sun dipped lower, casting long shadows, we decided to take a break and sat down on the beach, catching our breath.

I just loved that form of exercise although my leg ached a little for some reason!

With the gentle lull of the waves as our background music, Hannah recalled the visits to this beach as a little child, painting a vivid picture for me of what it had been like. I envied her a bit and would have loved to have been there, with loving parents to dote over me but I was there with her now and thanked my lucky stars for my good fortune.

The tranquillity of the moment was interrupted by the distant sound of a little boy shouting to his mummy and demanding, with menaces, an ice cream or else... We exchanged mischievous grins, remembering the earlier mention of avoiding the dive-bombing seagulls during a possible ice cream indulgence. Without speaking, we succumbed to the temptation and decided to venture toward the café at the top of the beach.

The beach was now aglow with the warm hues of the setting sun, creating a picturesque scene as we strolled hand in hand towards the cafe. The ice cream lady had an array of flavours for us to choose from, making my mouth water in anticipation. I eventually chose chocolate mint and Hannah a strawberry one and with cones in hand, we resumed our walk along the shoreline, licking at the slightly melting ice cream and watching out for the seagulls on a deadly mission to deprive us and anyone else of the goodies.

Our laughter and the occasional squawks of seagulls echoed into the evening. The beach, now bathed in twilight, took on a romantic aura. We found a spot to sit and watched the sun slowly dip towards the horizon, painting the sky with hues of orange, pink, and purple.

As the sun set, we realized that this impromptu beach afternoon had turned into a cherished memory, just like the memories that Hannah had as a child on that very beach. I hadn't been lucky enough to have many good times as a child but I was thankful that I had at least a chance of making new memories now that I was with the girl and family that I loved.

With the soothing sound of the waves as our lullaby, we leaned against each other, grateful for the simple joy of each other's company and the beauty surrounding us. We kissed and hugged each other and then, reluctantly made our way back to our bikes as we wanted to get back before it got truly dark.

I woke up one morning and stretched. Unusually, Hannah wasn’t lying next to me snoring her head off!

As I rubbed my eyes and then glanced at the clock, I saw that it was nearly 9 o’clock! No wonder Hannah was up, she liked to have breakfast earlyish.

I had been working late at the hospital the previous night, covering for a girl who had gone down with Covid. It was still quite common but not so deadly and I, being something of an angel (sic), agreed to cover for her. I had to get a taxi back home as I didn’t want Mum or Dad to have to come and get me.

As I got up and walked over to the window, I yawned hugely, scratched my bottom through my nightie and saw that it was a lovely day.

Something was nagging at me and I couldn’t, in my sleepy state, work out what it was.

Then I got it!

It was my seventeenth birthday!

Hannah had been dropping hints about a surprise celebration for weeks, and the anticipation had slowly been building up. I turned back towards my bed and noticed a note from Hannah,

Happy Birthday!
Get up quickly you lazy cow. I have a special day planned. Have a shower but don’t bother washing your hair as there’s no point. Oh, and don’t go overboard with the makeup.
Love and lots of kisses.
H
xxx

I was intrigued about that note and what it all meant, but, for once did as I was told.

With some excitement, I went into the bathroom, stripped off my nightie and had a quick shower, but put on my shower cap to keep my increasingly long hair dry.

As the water cascaded down my body, I noticed how feminine my body was becoming. My breasts were now quite prominent, almost, I guessed, maybe 32B now? I would have to have a proper measure and fitting very soon and some new, better-fitting bras. I was so pleased that the shape of my body could not be mistaken for a boy. Only the unwanted appendage between my legs betrayed that I was not as feminine as I would like to be and I sincerely hoped that would be sorted out as soon as humanly possible.

After drying myself off, I put my robe back on and went back into the bedroom. As it looked like it was going to be a hot day, I put on one of my favourite dresses, a lemon-coloured sun dress. I then slipped on some strappy sandals, brushed through my hair and then, remembering what Hannah had said in that cryptic note, I applied just a little lippy. I would decide later what makeup I would wear, depending on what I was going to do that day. I had a feeling that Hannah had more than a few plans for me. What those plans were, I had no idea!

Heading into the kitchen, I was greeted by some balloons, streamers, and a banner on the wall, proclaiming:

The table was set with a delicious breakfast that Mum had prepared – eggs and bacon, my favourite pancakes, fresh fruit, and a birthday cake with candles shaped like the number 17. A bit early for cake, but what the hell!

‘Ooh!’ I exclaimed at the sight of it all. I then hugged first Mum, then a grinning Dad and finally my Hannah, who looked very pleased with herself.

After a delish breakfast, Hannah handed me a beautifully wrapped gift. Opening it, I discovered a custom-made silver heart necklace that instantly brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't believe the thought and care Hannah had put into such a meaningful present. Sometimes she can be such a nice, caring person and I love her for it.

Mum then handed me a silver-wrapped box with a small pink ribbon on top.

‘Thanks Mum and Dad. What is it?’

‘Open it and see,’ said Dad, smiling that lovely smile that he has.

‘I know what it is,’ said Hannah.

‘Be quiet Hannah,’ scolded Mum, ‘let her open it and see.’

Hannah poked her tongue out and I giggled as I carefully removed the pretty wrapper.

It was an Apple watch!

‘You can use it when exercising and it will go well with your iPhone,’ said Dad.

‘Do you like it?’ asked Mum.

‘Like it? I love it!’ I replied as I went over and hugged Mum and Dad.

This was turning out to be a very special day. I had never had a birthday like this in the whole of my life and I was determined to enjoy every minute of it!

My day continued with a surprise spa experience in Penzance, which was exactly what I needed as things had been, to say the least, a little difficult for me in the previous twelve months! Hannah had thought of everything, including massages, facials, and a jacuzzi.

Mum and Dad had dropped us off at the spa and then went to do their own thing. We would either catch a bus or a taxi back home later.

After that wonderful experience at the posh spa where we were pampered to within an inch of our lives and left my body feeling all tingly and refreshed and relaxed at the same time, I wondered what else Hannah had in store for me.

‘Hair, she said.

‘What about it?’

It looks like a bird’s nest.’

‘It does not!’

So, we went to our favourite hair salon on a pre-booked appointment which I knew nothing about. I was able to finally have my hair extensions removed as my natural hair was now long enough for me not to need them. I also had a makeover, something that the salon was famous for. Sharon worked her magic on me and when she had finished, I looked in the mirror and gasped.

I just loved my hair now and the way it had been cut. It was parted neatly in the middle and shaped my face nicely, falling to just above my shoulders. I had also had it lightened slightly and I just loved the soft blond colour. My makeup looked awesome and I loved the smoky eye look. My eyelashes looked lovely and full and my skin looked slightly tanned and healthy and my lips looked somehow fuller and quite glossy. Overall, my makeover gave me a nice new look and made me look slightly older and maybe a bit more sophisticated – well that’s what I thought anyway.

‘Thank you, Sharon!’ I said enthusiastically.

‘It’s my pleasure love, come back in a month to tidy things up.’

‘I will!’

Of course, Hannah had a trim, tidy-up and makeover as well and she looked more beautiful if that was possible.

We said nice things to each other about how we looked as we walked down the busy road hand in hand, oblivious to anyone else.

We had lunch in Penzance down by the harbour in a nice restaurant called The Barbican Bistro. I had a chicken salad and Hannah, an enormous burger and chips.

The chips looked so nice that I pinched a few!

‘So,’ I asked as I finished my low-calorie (not) knickerbocker glory, ‘what next?’

‘Nails,’ she said.

‘What about them,’ I asked as I glanced at them and frowned slightly.

‘Look at them, you’ve started biting them again. You have nails that would look okay on a brick layer’

‘Charming! Anyway, I can’t help it; I've chewed my nails ever since I was a little, erm, boy?’

We were walking down the High Street by now.

She stopped suddenly and looked me in the eye.

‘Honey, never in a million years were you ever a boy.’

I sighed.

‘I know, but when you’ve had to live, pretending to be one for as long as I have, it’s difficult, you know?’

She kissed me gently on the lips just as an old lady was passing us.

‘Tut, tut,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘what’s the world coming to?’

We looked at each other and had a giggling fit.

So, we went to a nail salon I had never been to called I-Glow.

The girl took one look at my nails and went a bit pale. I think that she might have fainted with shock if she hadn’t been sitting down!

Anyway, she recovered herself admirably and asked what I wanted.

I helpfully said that I didn’t know and after a bit of toing and froing, I agreed to have some short gel extensions. I couldn’t have my nails too long because of my hospital work.

After my nails had been beautified, they were in a lovely, shiny shade of pink coral without any hint of their previous piteous state. I even had a pedicure of the same colour and I loved the way my toes looked in my sandals.

At least I hadn’t bitten my toenails!

Of course, Hannah had the same treatment as me and the results were gorgeous. I just hoped when her birthday came around in the next month, we could have similar experiences and I certainly wouldn’t be slow to suggest it!

We then went to a coffee shop and had erm, coffee; a cappuccino for me and a latte for Hannah.

My phone had pinged several times during the day and there were several Happy Birthdays from my friends. It was so nice that I had so many friends now. I was looking forward to setting up my brand-new Apple Watch when I had the time and then I wouldn’t have to search in the bottom of my bag to read my messages.

I hadn’t seen Megan or the twins for a few days and I was looking forward at some point, to doing a catch-up with them and showing them my new, Mark 2 look.

As we sat there, sipping our drinks, Hannah kept glancing at her watch.

‘What?’ I asked as she looked for the third time in a few minutes.

‘What?’ she said.

‘Why do you keep looking at your watch? Getting bored?’

‘Erm, no, just wondering about the bus situation.’

She pulled out her phone and looked at it, frowning.

It was now getting a bit late and a lot of the shops would be closing soon.

‘When’s the last bus then?’

‘Erm, I don’t know. I think that we should order a taxi. I think Mum’s got something special for tea.’

‘Cornish pasty followed by scones jam and clotted cream?’

‘Probably!’

‘Sounds good, mind you, I’m a bit full after that lunch!’

The taxi came and we were soon on our way home.

When we arrived. I soon found myself back in the kitchen followed by Hannah.

Mum was there sitting at the table, thumbing through a magazine. She looked up as we came in and smiled.

‘Did you have a nice time girls?’

‘Yes, great.’ I replied enthusiastically.

‘You look really nice Emma and I love your hair.’

‘What about me Mum?’ Asked Hannah, slightly petulantly.

‘You too Hannah, of course, but this is The Birthday Girls’ Day, so we have to be extra nice to her.’

‘I have been extra nice. We had a great time, didn’t we Em?’

‘Yes, it’s been lovely.’

I decided to change the subject. I hadn’t noticed any cookery-type smells.

‘Erm, Mum, what’s for tea?’

‘Well, it’s only half past four, but you need to get ready as we are going out for dinner tonight.’

‘No pasty and chips?’

‘No dear.’

‘Or scones jam and cream for afters?’

‘Who told you that?’ she asked.

I pointed at Hannah who pretended to look innocent and failing miserably.

‘No dear, as I say, we are going out to dinner and you have just under two hours to get ready. you might want to put something nice on.'

'Only two hours, it's not enough time!'

'Yes it is, you only have to change your clothes, you’ve just had a makeover and don’t need to do anything with your hair.’

‘Oh yeah, I forgot that.’
‘It’s your age,’ said Hannah knowingly. ‘When you get to your advanced age, you start forgetting things!’

‘Flaming cheek!’

I chased her out of the kitchen and up the stairs, leaving Mum's laughter behind. It was only the fact that I didn't want to mess with my hair and makeup that I didn’t do nasty things to her.

We all piled into a taxi. I understood that Mum and Dad wanted to have a few drinks and obviously didn’t want to drive back from wherever we were going.

Everyone was being very tight-lipped about our destination.

I had tried to be sneaky earlier whilst Hannah was having a shower. I texted Megan and the twins to see if they knew anything but I hadn't heard anything; except that Megan said that she was a bit busy with her brand spanking new boyfriend and they were going out to the cinema and she would contact me the next day with all the gory details.

She said that she was looking forward to a mega snog-fest in the back stalls and I texted back that that was far too much information!

So, it looks like it‘s just me and the family tonight, I thought.

A pity that, as I hadn't ever had a party-type thing; this just looked like a meal out, all be it a nice one, hopefully.

I had been to other birthday parties when I was much younger, well a few anyway. Anne had a couple as we were growing up and I was allowed to attend under sufferance. I remember, even when I was that young, that I was a bit envious of the girls at the party and the fact that they were able to wear pretty frocks and I only wore boring, obviously not pretty boy's clothes.

Anyway, enough of that negativity. I mentally slapped my face with a wet kipper and pulled myself together. This was a day of fun and frivolity and not doom and gloom. I was determined to have a good time with the people that I loved the most, except my brother and sister of course.

So, there I was in the cab whisking downhill with everyone around me saying absolutely nothing. I even whispered to Hannah that I would do naughty things to her that night in bed if she told me where we were going.

She nearly caved in at that promise from me, but she eventually shook her head and I had to accept my fate and just wait and see.

I was dressed in my LBD with black tights and lovely black, slightly high heels. I wore the necklace that Hannah had given me and I felt like a million dollars or £787575.00 at the current rate of exchange.

We ended up on the quay. The taxi went to the end of the quay and stopped outside The Quayside Restaurant.

I had never been there before. I had been told that it was the best restaurant in our area and it had a very good, if pricey reputation.

We all got out.

‘Are we eating here?’ I asked.

‘Yes Dear,’ said Mum.

‘You go in first Emma; I need to speak to your dad and Hannah.’

‘Oh, okay; what name shall I say booked a table?’
‘Your dad.’

I walked in and to my left was a small room where a waitress type was standing.

‘Can I take your jacket, Miss?’

‘Yes thanks,’ I replied.

It wasn’t that cold but still, it might be cold later, so that’s why we brought jackets and coats.

I looked behind me, but the family was still outside. I wondered what was keeping them.

I shrugged and then walked over to the door leading into the restaurant and pushed the door open.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY!’

I stood there and blinked.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

There, in front of me was everyone!

Mum, Dad, Hannah, Anne, Tommy and their partners, the twins and their partners, Megan and who I took to be her new dishy boyfriend. Even Anthonia was there. There were also friends from college and the hospital…

I was overwhelmed.

There was a huge banner on the back wall saying Happy Birthday Emma!

Then, to cap it all, everyone sang;

Of course, I cried, I was a girl and that’s what we girls do in that situation.

In a daze, I was led to a table by Hannah with everyone congratulating me and patting me on the back. She held onto my hand as I thought that I might fall otherwise, I was in such a daze.

Thinking back, I think that it was one of the best times of my life. I kissed more people that night than I had ever done before and more than once I had to go to the toilets to repair my makeup.

Hannah had arranged it all with the help of Mum and Dad and had actually booked the whole restaurant. the food was wonderful, as was the company. How they managed to get all those people to come, I would never know, but they were all there, all the people I cared for.

The night reached its peak when Hannah revealed that she had arranged for a live performance by one of my favourite local musicians, Laura Hawke and her band. The music echoed through the venue, creating an intimate and magical setting. Dancing and laughing with the people I cherished most, I couldn't help but reflect on the incredible journey of self-discovery and acceptance I had experienced, thanks in no small part to the unwavering support of Hannah and my new Mum and Dad, who I loved more than life itself.

As my birthday celebration came to an end, I felt a deep sense of love and gratitude for the unforgettable seventeenth birthday surprises that I had had that day. The day wasn't just about the party and gifts, it was a celebration of acceptance, love, and the beautiful connection we all shared.

That night, in bed, after a rather passionate and extremely pleasurable time, I lay in the arms of Hannah and I could feel her soft breath on my face as she slept peacefully. The curtains were drawn back and I could see the stars twinkling outside and the waxing moon that bathed the bedroom in a soft light.

I thought of all the good things and some of the bad things that had happened to me in that fateful year. On my sixteenth birthday, I wasn't happy and was in a place where I had no chance of happiness, pretending to be a boy when, to me, I had always been a girl. I was living in a house that had no love in it and would never have.

Being sixteen and able to legally do so, I had decided to leave what I considered to be a house of horror and with the help of my dear departed darling grandmother, I was able to up sticks and go and live in the wonderful village in Cornwall.

There, I found love and happiness and I could look forward to a future that was bright and exciting, very lucky in the fact that I had no financial problems that many other students experienced.

I had new parents and was engaged to a girl who loved me as much as I loved her.

I had reconnected with my brother and sister and found that they had also suffered under the tyranny of our parents, all be it in a different way to me.

I had found friends in the village, especially Megan and the twins and also some at college and the hospital. I was amazed at the amount of people at the party – I didn’t think I was that popular!

I was now only a year away from when I could have the surgery to finish my journey into being the best female I could be. I know that I could never bear children and that was sad, but many women couldn’t either, so I would be content with what could be and not pine over what was not possible.

One day, Hannah and I would marry; I was convinced of that. Then, we might be able to adopt several children. I liked the idea of a large family but realised that there would be a lot of hoops to go through before we could ever be considered for even one child.

All this was in the future though. For now, I would enjoy the present.

Of course, now I wasn’t only sixteen but seventeen. I would, with the help of Dad go and look at a car that I had seen at a local car showroom in Penzance that I had been lusting after. It was a racing green Mini and in mint condition. I was to take driving lessons and hoped that I would soon be able to go everywhere without the use of buses, taxis and having to rely on parents.

So, I was seventeen, almost an adult, able to do nearly what I liked, when I liked, within the law and reason, of course!

I wondered what would happen before I was eighteen, but I would have to wait and see. All I did know was that I was going to do my best to enjoy my new life with the people I loved.

With that thought, I kissed Hannah gently on the cheek and turned over. Hannah stirred slightly and then she turned over too, spooning into my back with her hand covering my breast; our two naked bodies, almost as one.

I sighed with happiness and slowly went into dreamland.

Please leave comments and let me know if you liked this story. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie... thanks! ~Sue