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CHAPTER ONE
There was something particularly exciting about starting my junior year of college. No, not the fact that I’m now 21 and can participate in bar-hopping for the first time (though it’s an added bonus). Rather, upperclassmen in DePaul University’s theater program have a significantly better opportunity to be cast in leading roles. And I knew that nothing would stop me from getting my chance to shine this year.
My name is Jesse Harris, and I’m no stranger to the stage. An active theater participant all throughout high school, I had booked several starring roles in plays like The Music Man as Harold Hill, My Fair Lady as Henry Higgins, and even Danny Zuko in Grease. I’m quite good with accents, I can sing, and I’ve been told I’m a very strong actor.
My friend Galen and I lived in an apartment about 4 blocks from the heart of campus. At DePaul, it was typical to do student housing for the first two years, and then venture off into a real place for your final two years. I had never lived with Galen before, though also being a theater major we had become quite close from classes and plays alike.
In my eyes he was a solid performer, but he was blessed with height and a leading man’s face which I knew would take him farther than his talent might otherwise. There’s no doubt in my mind I harbored a bit of jealousy towards him. We’d be gunning for the same roles, but his stature and charisma might edge him over me.
Yes, I’d gotten lead roles in high school, but my being was sometimes meant more for supporting roles. I was a mere 5’6” with a thin, wiry frame. I had short, blonde hair that barely stood out on my pale skin. Though I had the confidence of a 7-foot basketball player, sometimes my body didn’t reflect it. There’s a much larger market for men of my type as the ‘quirky side character’ as opposed to the strong leading man.
“Yo, Jesse,” Galen announced, barging into our apartment, “They picked the show for fall quarter.”
I leaped up with excitement, “There’s a rumor it’s gonna be Streetcar, yeah?”
“Nope. It’s actually a musical…”
“Ah-ha-ha…well that’s even better news for us — not a ton of great singers in our grade. Don’t keep me on edge, what’s the show?”
Galen said in his best European accent… “Well sire, they went with the esteemed The Phantom of the Opera!”
This was absolutely fantastic news! As a matter of fact, there are two male leads in this show — Raoul and The Phantom. Though I was prepared to duke it out with Galen for the lead, that was no longer necessary since we could split the glory. I already knew I’d make the perfect Phantom.
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The buzz continued all throughout the week as word spread. Students signed up for audition slots, and in between (and during) classes you could hear constant rehearsing, tweaking, and judging of others’ singing.
I signed up for an audition slot that was towards the end but not the very last, as I didn’t want the director to have already made their decision on casting.
In our History of Theater class, I chatted with my fellow theater student Jocelyn Price. She was a gorgeous, tall brunette with a beautiful singing voice and marvelous acting ability. In my opinion, one of the best on campus.
I didn’t even need to ask to know that she was planning to audition for the role of Christine Daaé, the leading female role and the woman that pulls at the heartstrings and obsessions of both the Phantom and Raoul. Jocelyn will be perfect to act alongside, and her beautiful looks would be an added bonus.
“Good luck, Phantom,” she said with a wink while exiting class.
“And you!” I shouted out. Not that I needed the endorsement of Jocelyn, but her compliment had me riding high for the rest of the day.
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A day later I constantly heard stories from my peers about their respective auditions. Galen too, who insisted that he nailed the part of Raoul. It’d really be something if both us were cast in the leading roles — we’d be the envy of the school and the de facto ‘power apartment’ of DePaul.
I took off for my audition down the streets of Chicago eventually into the theater building. It was a chilly fall evening, but the anticipation of nailing this audition was keeping me warm.
Inside, a few students were anxiously waiting their turn to sing for the show’s director and producers. One by one they entered and left, and I was direly curious to hear how they thought they performed. Most left with confidence, as theater kids tend to do.
Eventually, it was my turn and I walked through the double doors into the audition room with confidence blasting through the roof.
Behind a plastic table in three plastic chairs were the two producers, Jimmy and Sarah, both seniors with whom I’ve worked with in the past. In the center was a thin, balding man in his 50s with the thickest glasses frames I’ve ever seen. His name was Horace Allen and he was a prominent Chicago theater director. Not a celebrity per se, but more of a local legend. He was an adjunct Professor for the year, teaching a very elite theater directing and stage managing course for seniors, though he had also signed on to direct our production.
“Stand there,” Horace said to me, referring to a mark on the floor, “who are you auditioning for?”
“Phantom,” I answered. Horace and the producers said nothing more, but their awaiting eyes indicated I should start singing a capella.
My choice was to sing ‘Music of the Night’, and though I was vocally warm, I immediately got a darting look from Horace. He watched me as I sang and studied my body almost academically. Was it something about the way I looked? Was there something on my face? Perhaps he was intrigued by how my voice was much higher than most guys auditioning for the Phantom.
My high voice was, in certain ways, a point of pride. But it also was a slight source of insecurity. My intense dream to be a leading man was often held back by this — being a talented actor and charming presence often overshadowed the fact that I normally sang as an alto. I could deepen my voice to the high tenor range at times, but it wasn’t always the case.
Help me….make the music….of the night….
I got a very polite ‘thank you’ from Jimmy and Sarah. Horace didn’t say anything. He just continued to stare at me. Why was he doing this?
I left the room and returned to my apartment, where I broke down the audition with Galen. Despite the strange reaction from Horace, we both felt good about our chances at booking the two leads.
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The next day Galen and I walked to campus together for class, and checked outside the audition room for the cast list. And there it was. Posted right on the door.
Several students were already crowded around it, but Galen and I pushed our way through, to view large font words with the leads.
THE PHANTOM — Noah Hackett
RAOUL — Galen Hébert
MADAME GIRY — Hannah Moon
CARLOTTA — Jocelyn Price…
I stopped reading after the lead roles.
Galen got his due… the role of Raoul. But where was my name? Noah Hackett? Seriously?? Sure he can act and sing but I’m infinitely better than him. How could Horace and the producers have chosen him to be the Phantom??
Next to me, Galen was rejoicing but held his tongue after seeing how distraught I was. Students next to him were patting him on the back, but he pushed them off to address my concern.
“Dude, I’m sorry…” he said empathetically.
I was too pissed to listen to him. The Phantom role was supposed to be mine. So I walked down the hall of the theater building where our next class was held. I needed to get it off my mind.
As class began, it proved harder and harder to keep myself distracted. The students were buzzing about the cast list, and our professor even joined in on the excitement. I sat alone, unable to participate.
“I’m sure there’ll be other plays, dude,” Galen said in another attempt to console. There’s one every quarter — so what if you're in the ensemble for this one?”
“It’s not about that… I was ready now to take center stage. The Phantom is an iconic role — and for the great Horace Allen to see my audition and think, ‘hmm, average’ is a slap in the face. God, I thought I nailed it…”
“So did a lot of other kids,” Galen added as the clock hit the end of the hour and everyone got up to go.
“I’m going to hang out here for a second,” I told him. “See ya back at the apartment.”
Galen nodded with a friendly, consoling grin as he walked off with some other friends.
For a few brief moments I was alone in the classroom with my thoughts and the whiteboard lesson notes left unerased.
But suddenly, in walked Sarah, the senior student and Phantom producer.
She took one look at me and with eyes open wide stammered out a, “Uhh, Jesse! Hold up!” as she sprinted out of the room.
Confused, I waited, until about a minute later Sarah re-entered… but this time with Horace.
Horace walked in such a theatrical way, almost gliding across the floor — half confidence and half sheer flamboyance.
“Jesse Harris…” he said in a near whisper, “what beautiful timing.”
“What do you mean, sir?” I asked.
He just smiled. Sarah chimed in. “You might’ve noticed we left your name off the cast list, huh?”
I nodded with a scowl. She knew full well I did.
“That’s because I had a vision, Jesse,” Horace said. “A vision of an extremely ambitious role for you.”
“…what’s that?” I asked. “I guess I didn’t read past the leads, but I assume I’m just in the ensemble, yeah?”
“Oh no no no… far better. But only if you’re up to the task.” Then Horace looked me straight in the eye and approached the student desk I was sitting at.
“Jesse, I want you to take on the starring role… of Christine Daaé.”
I was flabbergasted. At first I thought he was kidding, but Sarah’s deadpan face indicated he was definitely not.
“You… you want me to play… a female role?”
Horace nodded with a smile. “Your naturally high voice is not quite in the soprano range, but I saw something in you that just screamed ‘Christine!’ to me. You have such grace in your walk and in your features. Goodness, with some rehearsing along with the hair, makeup, wardrobe… you’ll make a lovely Christine.”
I was utterly speechless. Was I yearning for a lead role? Of course… but not like this! Never in my life have I been expected to play a woman — sure I’m on the smaller side, and I’ve been told my facial features are not the most masculine, but to convincingly play an iconic female role? Horace must see something in me.
“Well, Horace, I’m flattered that you think that… but wouldn’t I be better suited for an ensemble role, rather than —“
“Impossible.” Horace interrupted me, “I don’t want you in the background of this show. As far as I’m concerned, I need you as Christine or not in my show at all.”
This was a massive decision. I was already mad at this man for not casting me in a role I believe I was born to play — but then again, here he was offering me another leading role. I suppose…if the great Horace Allen can see the talent in me but applies it to an unlikely role… should I really turn it down?
“If you really think I could pull it off…” I said as I stood up, “…I will do everything in my power to turn myself into the best Christine you’ve ever seen.”
Both of their faces lit up.
“Oh, splendid, Jesse!” Horace said as he gave me a warm embrace. “You have no idea how lovely you’ll become…I have a feeling you’ll learn to connect deeply with this role.”
He released me and Sarah looked at me with a big, honest smile.
“First rehearsals start tomorrow in the evening. Full cast. I cannot wait for the announcement.”
The two of them stepped out of the room. Miraculous how quickly my luck had turned around.
I was now going to be a lead in the legendary Phantom of the Opera.
I’ll just have to approach my preparation from a new perspective.
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CHAPTER TWO
Despite the absurdity of what had happened that evening, I didn’t immediately want to tell anyone. Galen would obviously be first in line, and though I knew he’d be thrilled for me, I think he’d be first and foremost…confused.
Frankly, so was I. Never in my imagination did I picture myself being cast as a leading female role — particularly in such an iconic musical. Maybe I should do a little more research and preparation into this role so I could better justify it to Galen, to everyone… and to myself.
When I got home that evening, Galen wasn’t even home. Good. That would give me the opportunity to research in peace.
Though there was a movie version of Phantom, I opted for one of the recorded stage versions instead. I downloaded the Royal Albert Hall recording from 2011, starring Ramin Karimloo as The Phantom and Sierra Boggess as Christine.
In addition to being a lovely performance from some of the best performers and musicians in the world, I found myself noticing Christine far more than I ever had before. Sierra moved with such grace, such elegance. In the first act when her character is called into action to take over for Carlotta in the leading role of the in-Musical opera, Hannibal, Christine is dainty, hesitant, and cutesy. But as the performance goes on she gains agency and becomes sultry, confident, and intense as she grapples with an impossible love triangle.
I never had to play a female character before, so I knew it would require much rehearsal and a good team around me. But the immediate prospect was discouraging rather than inspiring. How could I completely transform into a leading lady even close to the caliber of Sierra Boggess…
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Galen came home later that evening as I was making dinner for myself. He looked like he had big news.
“Dude, you are NOT going to believe this,” he began, “Jocelyn apparently went to Horace enraged that she was cast as Carlotta and not as Christine. Which is crazy because they haven’t even released the cast list for it yet. I think they’re still doing callbacks.”
I gulped. Seems like he hasn’t heard the news yet. But I was not quite ready to reveal it to Galen.
“That’s crazy, man… Usually Jocelyn’s nice to me but she can be a diva sometimes,” I added. Fortunately for me I hadn’t encountered Jocelyn’s rage yet, but I can only imagine how furious she’ll be when she finds out they cast a boy in her dream role.
We gossiped about the cast list, and I went along with Galen’s kind attempts to lament my failure to be cast as the Phantom. Though rather than lie completely to him, I decided to share that I was indeed offered a role in the ensemble — that way, we could discuss the play freely and still buy a little time to tell him about my upcoming appointment to perform en femme.
We got in a few games of Mario Kart after dinner and some homework as usual. It was nice to avoid talking about playing Christine, but with the first rehearsal tomorrow, how long could I realistically hold this off?
My second thought was whether I should even be expected to perfectly transition into that role on day one. The director’s job is to coach and mold, and even though Horace thinks highly of me, there’s no way he could reasonably expect me to just become Christine — it’s going to take some work.
But then again, I’m an actor. Above all it is my duty to arrive prepared, regardless of how nerve-wracking it may be.
The thoughts raced in my head throughout the night as I laid in bed, waiting for the news bomb of my casting to the entire theatre program (and possibly all of DePaul University).
I will allow myself to withhold this information from Galen — for now— but I will make a conscious effort to do little “Christine things” here and there. If I do them right, I’ll hopefully convince Horace, the show’s producers, and the rest of the cast that I can indeed play this role.
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Due to his early classes, Galen left before I even got a chance to see him. That gave me the opportunity to be alone in my thoughts as I waited for the Christine announcement. I knew eventually my voice would need to be ready for rehearsals later, so I sang alone in the apartment. It was incredibly strange to be singing the female role rather than the male, but with all my might I made sure to soften my voice and sing in a higher pitch.
I recorded using Voice Notes on my phone to play back and listen to my singing. Sure, it sounded higher pitched and somewhat more like a woman, but I wasn’t even close to sounding like Sierra Boggess or any other stage actress for that matter.
I walked to campus for class feeling fairly bummed out. But when I arrived in the theater building, I had no time to feel bummed. I was confronted by a fellow theater student who had a huge grin on his face.
“There’s Jesse Harris, the new girl in town!” the theater boy exclaimed to others.
Everyone in the hallway turned towards me. Obviously they had heard the news. From there it was a mix of jeers, cheers, laughs, questions, and an overall massive amount of attention from my peers. I pushed through the crowd of theater students to the posting on the wall. Right next to the original cast list was a separate piece of paper that read in big black letters, “The part of Christine Daée will be played by Jesse Harris.”
The shouts and questions continued but I yelled out to get everyone’s attention, stepping up on a crate to elevate myself.
“Alright listen up!” I shouted as the room silenced. These kids couldn’t wait to hear my thoughts on this. “Yes, I told Horace that I would accept the part of Christine. For whatever reason, he envisioned me in the role. I’d appreciate it if everyone moved on with their days, please.”
“But you’re not a girl!” correctly claimed a member of the peanut gallery.
“Yes… that is correct… but good actors can play any role. They just need to work towards it. I hope everyone can support me as I move forward.”
“Yeah, but you don’t deserve it,” said a female voice emerging from the back. I could see someone moving forward through the crowd of students. It was none other than Jocelyn Price.
“Jocelyn, what do you want? Carlotta is a great role,” I said, speaking over the rest of chatty students.
“Because I earned the role. Horace loved my audition. Until you showed up I was set to play Christine. You didn’t even audition!”
“Let him be, Jocelyn,” it was none other than Galen.
“Oh, Galen, I meant to tell you…”
“Little late for that, huh?” He rolled his eyes at me, and said so pretty much only I could hear.
“YOU are defending this?” she shrieked, “You’re the one playing Raoul. You want Jesse, your roommate, to be your love interest?”
The other students laughed. I hadn’t really considered that until now and by the look on his face, neither had Galen.
“We’ll cross any of those bridges when we get there, but for now Jesse earned the part and he’s a solid actor. His attitude is great, which is a lot more than can be said about you, Jocelyn,” Galen added triumphantly. ‘Ooooohs’ came from the crowd.
Whether she genuinely had no more to say or she was just holding her tongue, Jocelyn stormed off, and the many students scattered off to their classes.
Galen stopped briefly before me. “Guess I’ll see you at rehearsal today. Whatever that’ll be like…” And then he abruptly left.
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CHAPTER THREE
Word spread fast around the DePaul theater department that a boy would be playing Christine, and that made many of my classes a lot to handle. My non-theater classes — which were typically the dullest of the day — were a collective relief, since nobody seemed to know or care about the upcoming production of Phantom.
My playwriting class was the trickiest of all. Many underclassmen happened to be in this class — most of whom had no idea who I was before today. Their initial introduction to Jesse Harris would be the gender-bending stage star.
A few shot questions my way: “Did you even audition for that role?” and “Do you think Horace is just doing this as a bit?” were common ones. Neither of which I had a solid answer to. All I could reply with was “I’ll learn more at rehearsal today after school.”
Everything about this wasn’t normal and I’d have to learn on the fly. But one thing I definitely knew from doing theater all my life was that cast chemistry is crucial. If a cast can’t get along, it makes the rehearsal and performance process unbearable. I had a massive target on my back from Jocelyn’s vitriol and my normally closest ally, Galen, wasn’t sure how to feel about having his roommate be the romantic lead.
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All that we were given via email in advance of the first rehearsal were the script and songs. Nobody but the producers knew how Horace was going to tackle directing the play.
The rehearsal room was the same one where I auditioned (and where many classes were held) in DePaul’s theater building. Folding chairs were set out in a large circle so the entire cast and crew could get a good view of each other. Students trickled in and sat in their assigned seats. They were either labeled with the character names, or simply “Ensemble.” Naturally, I found my way to the one marked “Christine”.
I immediately noticed that I was to be seated between Noah Hackett (playing the Phantom) and Hannah Moon (playing Madame Giry), though neither had arrived yet. For the sake of avoiding awkwardness, it was nice not to be right next to Jocelyn, so hopefully these seating assignments would remain. I mostly kept my head down as the rest of the students arrived. Thankfully no fights or arguments.
“Alright, alright, listen up,” Horace said, quieting the chatter. “I want to begin by congratulating all of you on being selected to be in this year’s production of The Phantom of the Opera. It is an absolute pleasure to be directing you over the next couple months as we prepare for show week. Each one of you earned your roles, and I’m already proud to be working with this cast.”
As he concluded his opening statements, Jimmy and Sarah handed out physical copies of the scripts to each cast member in the circle.
“This is not a particularly easy script, but many of you have been at this for a long time, so I trust you to be off book with the dialogue as soon as possible. Having said that, once everyone has their scripts, let’s do a full read-through of the show. We will skip the songs for now. Jimmy, please read the stage directions and everyone, please be in character to the best of your ability.”
My character is not in the opening prologue, so I got to watch the others as they rid their jitters, starting off the play.
It also hit a little close to home when Jocelyn’s character, Carlotta, storms off in an early scene, frustrated with the conditions of the show and the theater being haunted by the Phantom. She read it well — almost as if she was pulling her anger from a real source (likely my own doing).
But I’m a serious actor, so I managed to not think it weird when I spoke my first few lines in a softer, girlish voice.
“I don’t know, sir…” I muttered, in character.
I could tell that several students were anxiously awaiting my debut line as Christine. Multiple heads perked up with interest and from my quick glances, they looked impressed.
Some cast members couldn’t help but smirk watching Galen as Raoul and Noah as the Phantom, directing their romantic lines toward me. Noah seemed comfortable enough, but I could tell it was a bit weird for Galen. Though he’d defended my casting earlier, I think even he was a bit uncomfortable sitting there as Jimmy read “Raoul and Christine kiss” as part of the stage directions. Even though there was no physical acting involved this time, looking over at Jocelyn, she had a rude smirk on her face — as if for the first time she could revel in the two roommates’ clear discomfort.
Though I felt I got off to a good start, watching Galen’s discomfort and the looks from the other actors started to get to me. My feminine voice didn’t waver, but I stopped reading the lines with the necessary emotion — as if I were suddenly afraid to be Christine. And as the play went on, my discomfort further discouraged his emotion, and so on.
Eventually, the read-through came to an end and after a few notes from the producers and from Horace, we were sent on our way with the specific note to begin memorizing our lines and prep the necessary songs for rehearsal.
“I’ll see you at home,” Galen said without emotion, walking by quickly. Normally, we’d walk back together from these sorts of things. Did this read-through make him that uncomfortable?
On our way out, the cast was instructed to sign up for a time slot to take body measurements, as our costume department needed as much time as possible to prep our wardrobe. All of the outfits are late 19th-century European garb: dresses, petticoats, cloaks, suits, and the like.
I signed up for a slot two days from now, on Friday. Maybe that’ll give me a good send off for the weekend. Just as I finished signing up for a time slot tomorrow evening, Horace pulled me aside for a word.
“I’m very impressed, Jesse. Very impressed.” He said, to my surprise.
“You are? Wow, I definitely had my share of nerves… I guess they didn’t show!”
“Oh, no, they certainly showed.” Horace added bluntly. “You were the most nervous in the entire cast, outside of maybe Galen.”
Ouch… I guess I wasn’t as invisible as I thought.
Horace continued. “But that doesn’t mean you impressed me in other ways. Your speaking voice is quite marvelous and when I closed my eyes, I almost envisioned Christine Daaé. Truly, truly a step above. Did you grow up with sisters or something?”
“No, sir. I’m an only child. But I’ve watched so many incredible actresses over the years… it must’ve just stuck.”
“Well I’ve heard you sing already and I’m sure the voice will stay pure on that end… But we need to do something about your manner. I know read-throughs aren’t blocked or require physicality, but I was hoping I’d see a shred of it from you, considering you’re playing the opposite sex. And unfortunately I didn’t see much that excited me.”
Horace gestured to Sarah, and she scampered across the room to grab a box.
“I’m sorry it came across that way,” I interjected. “I’ll gladly go home and study some more actresses. Is there anyone you have in mind of whom to observe their mannerisms?”
“You could, but I actually have an additional homework assignment for you,” he explained. Sarah walked up holding the box. “It is my belief that a simple change of movement has the unique power to get a person in a new mindset.”
Sarah opened the box she was holding, and revealed a simple pair of black high heels.
Sarah smiled, “I made a guess that your feet were an 8. Was I right?”
“Uhh… I’m a 6 and a half… and what? Is this part of the wardrobe? Already?”
“Horace had the brilliant idea to get you started wearing heels early. You’ll be wearing them in the show anyway, and it’s a simple trick to subconsciously move in a more feminine way. Here, take off your socks and try them on.”
She pulled up a chair and guided me to sit, untying my shoes.
“Oh, uh, okay. But like I said, I’m a 6 and a half size.”
“In men’s,” Sarah corrected, “Eight is the women’s size equivalent. I mean look at these — do these look like menswear to you?”
I laughed. “I guess not.”
“These are 3-inch black pointed-toe pumps. Not exactly what you’ll be wearing in the show, but we wanted to get you started somewhere.”
Sarah helped me take off my shoes and socks and neatly fitted my foot into the first heel.
“A perfect fit,” she commented.
“Like Cinderella!” Horace added in a rare joking tone that I hadn’t heard yet.
I stood up with both heels on and stumbled around a bit. This was the first time I’d ever worn a heel this high, as any mens’ shoes that had a heel tended to be lower and with more support. These felt like stilettos.
“No need to prance around too much right now. You’re free to go.” Horace said. “But please wear these every time you read the script, practice your lines, or rehearse your songs. I believe it will go a long way in putting you physically in character.”
Sarah told me to keep the box and walked off with Horace.
Uncomfortable read-through? Check. Rocky familiarity with the script and my fellow actors? Double check. But I definitely didn’t foresee walking out of my first rehearsal with a pair of black pumps — for me to wear at home nonetheless. I guess if it’ll help me become Christine…
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The entire 25 chapter story is available on Kindle! :) Thank you for reading!!
Link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BNSV5MKN#detailBullets_feature_div