Their Worst Nightmare - My Dream Come True
by Allison M
Another 'boy has accident, boy becomes girl' type story, but with my own twist. This is my first story, I hope you like it.
I live in sunny Queensland Australia, there’s only 3 types of weather here, Hot and Dry, Hot and Humid, and Thunderstorms - which usually brings severe floods or tennis ball size hail or both! At least at home in the Gold Coast Hinterland the first two aren’t so bad, it stays fairly cool in the mountains, thick fog and a little ice is fairly common, we even got a little snow one winter, not much but then snow just doesn’t happen in these parts so it was like a blizzard to me. Most of the time though winter is just cold enough to make you want to stay in bed, but then isn’t it always? The worst part was that I had to get up at 6am and walk to the end of the street to catch the bus to school, that 15 minute walk felt like hours in the winter - I could have caught the late bus but that would have meant catching the late bus home, and I really didn’t like hanging around school for an hour at the end of the day. Then when we did get to school which was about an hours bus ride away, off the mountain, there was generally no sign of it being winter, it was hot!
The bus ride was the usual school bus affair, kids being kids, geeks at the front, seniors and the popular kids at the back, just like any school bus the world over. I usually sat 3 seats back on the right, not far enough forward to be a geek or nerd, not far enough back to be popular. I hung around with Jason and usually saved him a seat, he was the only kid on the bus smaller than me, but was an absolute nutter which made the bus trip a bit more bearable. Julie and Chantelle sat across from us, the four of us usually sat together at lunch too, unless Jason was sick, which wasn’t unusual.
Jason and I were the scruffy ones in school, wearing second hand uniforms, not that it was much different out of school, we were the poorest kids and generally got picked on because of it, so we learned to stick together, our shared auburn hair colour and similar size often lead people to think we were brothers, although he was slimmer than me, yours truly being a little rounder in the belly. As I said before Jason was the loud, energetic one, an absolute nutter, how anyone can be in such an excitable mood at 6am I don’t know, but that’s Jason. Julie was the mature one and from a more well off family, she was a real stunner with here long blond hair and blue eyes, but also had this air of grace about her that just oozed inner beauty, she’d only moved to the mountain this year, but it was like we knew her all our lives, sounds corny I know but she just had this knack of making you feel comfortable, safe, and want to tell her all your secrets, needless to say she knew most of us better than anyone, perhaps better then we would have liked, but she’d never tell a soul so we didn’t mind. Chantelle was a bit of a female Jason, though not as crude as he was at times, she had that ‘girl next door’ look, shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes with a few freckles, she just had that natural sort of homely look that made you feel at ease around her, even if she was a bit on the mad side at times. We were all in grade 8 at this time, the first year of high school.
The bus ride was fairly tedious really, it was a steep road off the mountain, and you could barely hear yourself over the sound of the bus’ brakes, let alone anyone else. Then it was a short trip through a fairly dark valley before going over a small range then out to the highway and on to school. There were several flood ways in the valley, so if it rained heavily the locals would call the bus company and we’d get a day off, maybe 2 if we were lucky. One of the bus drivers, usually old Greg, would drive around the bus stops, shouting out his window to anyone who was there to “go home ya silly buggers.” He was a nice old guy in his mid fifties I suppose, he’d usually put the radio on in the bus if he was driving, usually teasing us by putting it on some 50’s station like 4KQ before turning it to Triple M or B105 or something more appreciated by a bus load of teens.
School was your typical Aussie high school, all the buildings were single story, spread out around the grounds with a sort of picnic area in the middle which aside from the grass being cut was exactly as it was before the school was built, so it was natural and cosy, and we’d even seen some koalas in the gum trees a couple of times. There was nothing special about our school, no real sports teams or academic achievements, just another school that didn’t matter.
Life was fairly bland; get up at 6:00 get home about 4:30 , mum worked at a café so I usually had an hour or so to myself before she got home, which meant the inevitable homework followed by dinner than bible study, oh joy. Mum is a Jehovah’s Witness, so that meant church every Tuesday night and Sunday morning, bible study every night, which included group study on Fridays, then out door knocking on Saturdays and sometimes Sunday after church as well. Everyone at school new about my mum, how could they not, she’d been preaching at their door often enough. Fortunately most new I only went along because I had to, it was either that or go live with my dad, an alcoholic, better the devil you know I figured, and at least I wouldn’t get beaten living with mum, not at home anyway. Not that dad’s really into beating people physically, mind games were (and still are) his thing, you could be feeling on top of the world and in less than an hour he’d have you down to a crying whimpering depressed mess, then he’d just keeping picking at you till you were verging on suicidal, not that that was unusual for me anyway.
That hour a day I had to myself was the only thing that kept me going, I was taller than my mum, not that that was anything special, I’m not sure she’s even 5 foot tall, but we were the same size otherwise, so I’d put on one of her dresses and a pair of her shoes, then just potter around the house, sometimes I’d just lay on my bed crying, or praying for god to turn me into a girl, I’d even tried being more interested and active in the religion hoping that would help god answer my prayers, it didn’t happen, I let it drop, no use trying when there’s no hope. I still prayed though, just in case he heard me, he didn’t, so I cried more. I hated everything about me, the religion taught me that everything I felt and believed about myself was wrong, immoral, sinful, disgusting. I used to wear my older sisters clothes when I was little, I envied her more than she’ll ever know, I’d even taken one of her dresses and a pair of her shoes when I was about 8 or 9 so I didn’t have to sneak into her room, her and mum had found them, I denied everything, they were in a Thomas the Tank Engine bag in my cubby house so it was kind of obvious who’d taken them, I didn’t admit a thing, and they seemed to let it go. Life went on, I was more careful and hid more, I always was the shy type, but now I barely ever spoke to anyone other than my friends, and even then I was guarded. I was different, but couldn’t let on that I was, another brick in the wall so to speak.
I think Julie suspected something, I never told her anything though, despite her best efforts. We’d talk on the school bus sometimes, when Jason was off sick again, no way anything deep was coming out on the bus though, that I didn’t need, but did at the same time, it wasn’t going to happen though. I was staring out the bus window one morning on the way down the mountain, the steepest part so you couldn’t hear a thing over the sound of the engine and brakes, I can’t recall what got me to that point, but I’d decided that from now on I’d be checking out the guys and as a cover I’d look at the girls too, I did anyway, envy does that to a person, I figured if anyone caught me doing either I’d flip the story round which would be good enough cover. I was thinking about it ‘check out the guys, envy the girls that sounds like a plan.’
“What was that?”
‘Julie, oh crap did I say that out loud?’ “Nothing,” ‘deny, deny, deny.’
‘She seemed to let it go, good, must be more careful.’
CRUNCH, BANG
“What the fu….”
*****
Noises, movement, lights. I think I hear voices, mum? no, someone else, no, there’s several people,
“Get a theatre…”
“No.2 is rea…”
“Find Mr Hawthorn…”
“This isn’t going to be easy...”
“You take him…”
Moving again,
*****
Pain, “what… where…”
“It’s OK Stuart, your in the hospital, you’ll be OK.” Mum, I guess that’s a good thing.
“Wha… What… What… Happened?” Not much more than a whisper.
“The bus lost its brakes, it went over the edge, and you were hurt. It’s OK; I’m making sure the doctors do what’s best for you.”
“Ta, I’m sleep…”
*****
Next time I came round a nurse was in the room fiddling with something above my head, “hello Stuart, how are you feeling? I know, silly question. But how’s the pain, not too bad is it?”
“No, it hurts but it’s not too bad. What happened?”
“Your bus crashed, you were bought here to Southport Hospital, a lot of your friends are here too.”
“No, I mean what happened to me?”
“Oh, well the, surgeon will be in later to give you a check up, he’ll explain things better than I can. OK?”
“OK, ta” ‘I guess I’m not gonna get much out of her.’
“Your mum will be back in a sec’, she just went to get some lunch.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost 1, she’s been here since you were brought in, she won’t be long. I’ve gotta run, but if you need me just press the button and I’ll come as soon as I can, I’m nurse Shephard, but you can call me Karen, OK?”
“Thanks nurse Karen”
“Just Karen will do”
“OK, thanks just Karen”
She gave me a bit of a smile, shook her head and left, I was still sleepy so I turned my head to the side and nodded off again.
Sure enough mum was by my bed when I woke up. She was a little distraught, as you’d expect, but seemed quite determined that I’d be just fine, and wouldn’t answer any questions from me about what had happened. “The doctor will be along soon, I’m sure he’ll explain everything” she kept saying whenever I tried to ask something. “OK mum” I said, trying not to sound to upset that she wouldn’t talk to me about it.
About 20 mins later the doctor came in, along with Karen, the nurse from earlier in the day. “Hi Stuart, I’m Mr Whittaker (Surgeons here are called Mr not Dr for some reason), how are you feeling, not too much pain is there?”
“No, ah, Mr Whittaker, it’s not too bad,” I answered before getting straight to the point, “I’d like to know what’s wrong with me though, no-one wants to say anything, they just keep telling me to wait for you.”
He cleared his throat before proceeding, “Ah yes well, I thought it would be best this way, so there’s no confusion, straight from the source is always the best I say.” I just silently nodded waiting for him to continue. “Ah, well, you’re not in the best of shape, the bus window shattered so you’ve got numerous lacerations from the glass, nothing too serious there, although we had to do some minor surgery and add a few stitches where the cuts were a bit deep. The seats in front of you were pushed back against your legs, don’t worry though, your left leg is fractured but your right is just a bit cut and bruised.” “So it’s nothing too bad?” I said slowly, “I should be fine?” He furrowed his brow for a moment, and mum reached over and took my hand ‘Oh, this isn’t so good’ I thought for a moment before asking slowly “so what’s the worst of it?” “Ah well,” ‘I’m seriously getting tired of those 2 words,’ “you had your school bag on your lap, and it seems the steel ruler you had in there was forced back into you when the seats were crushed back, I’m afraid there was irreversible damage to your groin.” I thought about this for a moment before realising was he was implying “Are you saying my, umm, down there, is…” “ I’m afraid so” he cut in, “your penis was severely damaged and partially severed, and your testes were” he took a deep breath, “well I’m afraid they are no longer there, that is, they were apparently severed in the crash, and were not recovered.” I think I froze when he said that, the old adage that every cloud has a silver lining came to mind and deep down this warm feeling came over me, as shocking as it was I’d just lost that which I hated the most, I was almost ecstatic but the shock helped hide it for the moment.
I just had to test this, it seemed almost too good to be true, “Are you saying I’m a girl now doc… I mean Mr Whittaker?” I asked try to stifle the excitement. “Ah well,” ‘uh can he start a sentence with anything other than ah well?’ “normally in circumstances such as these we would consider full sex re-assignment the best option, however your mother informed us of your religious beliefs, and that that would not be acceptable or appropriate for you, so we have fashioned a phallus which is sort of an artificial penis from what we could, so you’ll at least be able to urinate in a male way, however while that function is maintained I’m afraid sex and fatherhood will never be possible.” I slumped back in the bed, the joy I’d felt only moments before had well and truly gone, the shock was there even more so than before as I thought about what had just been said ‘I just lost everything I never wanted, and my mother told them not to make into a girl.’ The warmth I’d felt inside was coming back stronger than before, but this wasn’t joy, this was rage, ‘how could that doctor or whatever he is cut me about like that?’ I was so angry I was shaking, mum tried to calm me but I just threw her off me and screamed at the surgeon, “How could you hack me up like that, do you know what you’ve done? You’ve ruined my life with your careless butchering, and you’ve made me into some kind of freak!” As went on at the surgeon mum came back to my side to try and calm me, I shoved her off me again and started screaming at her. Karen, the nurse who had been at my other side must have been thrown off too, I just saw her reaching above me while I was screaming at mum, she must have put something in the IV because I soon started drifting off again.
*****
When I woke up next it was dark, the night nurse was checking my pulse, she introduced herself as nurse Jones and asked if I needed anything to help me sleep. I ignored the question and asked if I could see Mr Whittaker.
“Perhaps in the morning, when your mum gets here,” she answered.
“No, I need to speak with him in private, without mum here, I can’t talk to him in front of mum.”
“I’m sorry dear, he’s not available at the moment, but I’ll see what I can do for you. Now would you like something to help you sleep?”
“I’m not really tired now, do have to go back to sleep so soon?”
“Sleep will help you heal dear, and there’s nothing worth staying up for at this time of night anyway.”
“I guess, could you tell me how my friends are first, Julie and Chantelle?”
“Chantelle went home yesterday, and Julie isn’t too bad, she’s just down the hall from you, I’ll let her know you asked about her if you like.”
“That would great thanks,” ‘yesterday?’ “What day is it? You said Chantelle went home yesterday?”
“Yes dear, you were asleep for a few days, it’s Friday night”
“I thought it was still Tuesday, or Wednesday at the latest, I guess I do need that sleep.”
“Yes you do, do you want some help?”
“I guess so.”
“Ok dear, goodnight then,” she said as she put something in my IV.
“Goodnight nurse Jones”
“Sleep well dear.”
*****
The warm sunlight trickled in, it must have been mid morning when I woke, and I was alone in my room for a change. My throat was dry so I reached for a cup of water when a sheet of folded paper on the bedside table caught my attention, I grabbed it to see what it was;
Hi shorty,
The nurse passed your message along this morning, so thought I’d let you know I’m fine, well as fine as I can be considering. She says we’re just down the hall from each other, so whoever gets out of bed first has to visit the other OK? Did you hear that yelling yesterday? Someone’s pretty pissed about something, that’s for sure. Hope your OK.
Luv, Julie
Karen came in while I was reading, I asked her if I could get a pen and some paper to send a note back to Julie, she said she’d what she could find, then went on to do the usual checks, and ask how I was feeling about what I heard yesterday.
“I don’t like it at all, I thought everything was going to be fine till that last bit, I can’t believe what they’ve done to me, it’s not right.”
“Well Mr Whittaker did his best with what he had, it was the accident that made things so bad though, he just tried to repair the damage according to you wishes.”
“Yeah I know, but that’s what I don’t like, it wasn’t my wishes he went by, it was my mums, I didn’t have any say in it, and now I’m a, freak or something.”
“You’re not a freak Stuart…” “Shorty, call me shorty” I interrupted, I hated my real name. Karen flashed me a smile and continued “OK shorty, but you’re not a freak, you’re as close to a man as Mr Whittaker could do, but you’re definitely not a freak.”
“I know, that’s kind of the problem.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone? I mean you can tell Mr Whittaker, but definitely not my mum, I don’t want her knowing yet.”
“Of course I won’t tell a soul, promise. What is it?”
“Ok,” deep breath, “My mums beliefs and mine aren’t really the same, I only go along with her religion because if I don’t I won’t have anywhere to live.”
“A lot of kids your age feel like that, it’ll be ok once you’re older though.”
“No, that’s the thing, we believe totally different things. That decision she made for me, for the surgery, I would never have agreed to it, ever, no matter what, you know?”
Karen paused, her eyes flickering between me and nowhere in particular, “are you saying what I think you are? You’d rather Mr Whittaker made you girl? Is that what you mean?”
I’d never admitted that to anyone, I shut my eyes, try to hold back the tears, ‘breathe, just breathe’ I told myself. I nodded to Karen; words weren’t coming out just then.
“It’s ok sweetie, is that why you got mad yesterday?”
“Yes,” I squeaked between sobs, “I was shocked, then I was starting to feel happy when the doc… Mr Whittaker I mean, said what happened, then when he said what mum had made him do I couldn’t believe it, it was like my dreams were being offered to me, and then they were snatched away at the last minute.”
“Oh dear, and your mum doesn’t know any of this?”
“No, she’d kill me if she knew, she thinks it’s all disgusting, that men are men and women are women and that nothing should change that. She doesn’t understand reality, it’s just her beliefs and everything else is wrong, but it’s not wrong, it’s more right than anything, she just doesn’t get it, she doesn’t care.”
“I’m sure she does care, she just doesn’t understand, some people are like that.”
“I guess, can you find Mr Whittaker for me? I really want to talk to him, alone, I don’t want my mum here now.”
“He should be around in a half hour or so, I’ll let him know you want to see him without your mum in the room.”
“Thanks Karen, could you get me some paper and a pen?”
“Sure sweetie, won’t be long.”
“Ta.”
A few minutes later Karen came back with a notepad and pen, so I thanked her and set about writing a note for Julie. Just as she was about to step out the door she stepped back in, “your mum’s on her way in, do you want to see her?” she whispered. I just shook my head, she gave me a wink and walked out, I heard her talking to mum, I couldn’t make out what was said but mum never came in so I went back to writing the note to Julie.
About 10 minutes later Mr Whittaker came in, with Karen a few steps behind him. I put down the notepad as she shut the door, then took a deep breath, well aware of what was about to be said.
“Nurse Shephard has informed that you are not happy with the surgery I performed, and that the decision your mother made was not concurrent with your wishes.”
'Breathe, just breathe’ “yes, that’s correct.”
“Hmm, well I’m sorry for the trouble, had I known that when I was doing the surgery I would have proceeded in accordance with your wishes, are you certain this is what you want?”
'Oh thank you god’ “yes, I’ve always been sure, even before the accident.”
“OK,” he paused for a moment before continuing, “well at the time of the surgery it was an emergency procedure so I could have done it then, however it is no longer an emergency, and as such I can’t perform the procedure without all the necessary permissions, and as you are not an adult I would not be able to perform the surgery in any case until you are of legal age, I am sorry, but my hands are tied.”
'Not again, please not again’ “Isn’t there any way? Please?” I pleaded.
“I’m sorry, but unless there is a problem with the surgery, or you receive further damage, I can’t. It just can’t be done.”
“But there is a problem with the surgery! I never wanted it done!”
“I know, but that doesn’t change things unfortunately. On the bright side you are in a better position than you were, at least you won’t have a male puberty now, and I’ll make a note in your records that you are not to receive any hormonal assistance for masculinity, I’m afraid that’s the best I can do OK?”
“OK, thank you, at least you’ve given me a little hope” ‘yes, thank you, hope indeed’
“We’ll leave you to your writing then,” “give me a buzz if you need anything” said Karen as they headed to the door.
I gave a forced smile, nodded and reached for the pen on the table beside me, “Oh, Mr Whittaker?” “Yes?” “You know what to do.” And with that I drove the pen straight in to my groin, I just saw them running back over to my bed before I blacked out from the pain.
Stuart/shorty finds a new name, and meets up with some of his/her school friends. Everything seems to be going well, or is it?
Part 2
I came round in the hospital bed feeling a little worse than the day before, thoughts of what happened crossed through my mind as I came to remember what had bought me to this point. Still feeling a little groggy I looked around the room; it was just me, alone again. The realisation that I may now be what I always wanted bought a certain clarity, and I reached down to see if the lumps were now gone for good. A jingling sound and the sudden discovery that I couldn’t move my hands very much forced me to look down; each wrist wore a leather cuff which was chained to the side of the bed.
A moment of panic followed by violent tugging at the chains to get the cuffs off me bought a nurse running in to the room, I looked up to see that it was Karen.
“Karen, get these damn things off of me! Why am I chained down like this?” I screamed still tugging frantically at my bonds.
“Calm down and I’ll explain it, but you need to calm down first. All this jerking about could just injure you more, so calm down, OK?” she said while grabbing onto my arms as what looked like another nurse walked in to see if she needed help.
I soon figured all the tugging was getting me nowhere, so tried to calm myself down a bit. In any case my wrists were starting to hurt and the other nurse was now holding a syringe.
“It’s OK Beth, I don’t think she’ll need it,” Karen told the other nurse.
I froze when she spoke, and looked up at Karen slowly, “she?” I asked as a faint smile crept across my face.
Karen looked back at me, it was hard to tell if she was smiling or frowning. “Yes, she. It’s not like you gave Mr Whittaker much choice after what you did, is it?”
“You mean?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t make your actions acceptable, understand?”
“Yeah, is that why I’m, ah...?” I paused to give a brief tug on the restraints.
Karen gave me a faint scowl and a nod before answering. “Yes, we don’t want you harming yourself anymore, or doing anything else stupid. So you’re stuck like that for a while.”
I flashed her a cheeky grin, “I s’pose a pen to write to Julie is out of the question then?”
She rolled her eyes at me, “Just behave; I’ll let her know you said hi. You’ll be getting some visitors later, but in the meantime be good.”
“I will.” I said, smiling impishly. “So who’s coming to see me?”
“A few doctors, Mr Whittaker, the usual fans of yours.”
“I s’pose I’m not exactly in everyone’s good books at the moment am I?”
“Well, let’s just say we weren’t overly impressed with your behaviour.”
“What about my mum?”
Karen gave me a worried smile as she answered, “I think you have an idea how she took it.”
“What did you tell her?”
“We just told her exactly what happened.”
“Oh.”
*****
A few hours later Mr Whittaker came in to see me, along with a couple of others I hadn’t met before. I switched off the TV which Karen had turned on before leaving this morning; I could at least use the remote in my present situation.
“Ah, well Stuart how are you feeling today? Not as good as last time we met I’d say.”
“Not really, a bit washed out feeling and there’s a few more aches than there was, but I think I’m OK.” I said shyly before looking him straight in the eye and with a faint smile breaking out asking, “Is it true?”
A half chuckle/silent grunt sort of sound came out of him as he looked down at my nether regions. He looked back at me and with a quick nod said “Yes, I just hope you’re a little kinder on our work this time." My smile grew at that, he continued "This is Mr Maddocks; he’s the reconstructive surgeon who assisted with your vaginoplasty.” He pointed out a lanky balding man with calming brown eyes that he had come in with; we acknowledged each other with a brief nod. “And this is Dr Eliza Watson, she’s a psychiatrist and is here to help you adjust, and generally make sure you won’t do anything like the other day.” He frowned at me as he spoke those last words.
“Hello Stuart.” Eliza greeted me with a soft smile highlighting her delicate yet well lived features; I answered with a brief “hi” and returned the smile.
Mr Whittaker then proceeded to explain things to me in a way that no 13 year old could ever hope to understand, before he and Mr Maddocks headed south to inspect their work.
Eliza, as she insisted I call her, did her best to distract me from the surgeons’ prodding and poking as they discussed my more intimate parts. I learnt from her that I’d slept through yet another day, and we had a bit of a chat about nothing in particular it seemed.
The surgeons soon pronounced themselves satisfied, and felt I would heal OK. Apparently after the swelling had gone down and some hair had appeared I would look just like any other girl, which was certainly pleasing to hear. They left with Mr Whittaker letting me know he’d be back tomorrow; I thanked them and was relieved to get back into a more comfortable position.
Eliza stayed and we talked more, it became clear that her main concern was my actions which had lead to this most recent surgery, and that she wanted to be sure I wouldn’t do any further harm to myself. I stretched my arms and wrists when she removed the restraints, although she was quick to tell me they may be replaced before she left. I was a little disappointed at that, but told her I guess I could understand. She seemed more interested in my reaction than my response though. As we continued with the discussion the topic shifted to various subjects, the accident, the surgery, how I felt about my body “great now,” mum and dad (eak), my friends, and all manner of other things which seemed irrelevant.
Karen came in just as Eliza was getting ready to leave, they had a quick discussion before Eliza left; I wasn’t to be given any potentially dangerous objects, but could keep the restraints off at least. Karen came over and handed me a plastic cup of water, as she settled a jug on the table beside me. “The cuffs can stay off for now,” she said while doing her usual checks, “but any playing up and they’ll be straight back on, OK?”
“I said I’d be good”
“Well just make sure you mean it! Now, we have another problem we need to sort out for you.”
“Mum?”
She gave a little smile before saying, “She seems content staying away for the moment, so you can deal with that when she decides to show up again. No, the problem is on your chart.”
“My chart? What’s wrong with my chart?”
“Have a look,” she said as she grabbed a clipboard from the end of the bed being sure to remove the attached pen before handing it to me. Then pointing towards the top she continued, “Just here, we should change this, it’s hardly suited to a young lady is it?”
I looked curiously at the board to where she was pointing, and giggled lightly when I saw what was written in the box;
Name: Stuart John Marsden
I looked away from the board with a grin, and stiffling a giggle said “I need a new name don’t I?”
“Well you could keep it the same, but it doesn’t sound right,” she chuckled back at me, “and shorty isn’t a particularly good option either! I thought you might have some ideas though.”
“I’ve never really thought about it.” It was a blatant lie, when I was 10 I’d found a book in the local library, Katherine’s Diary had taught me more than all the years of school and church put together. I learnt about me, and had chosen the name in her honour.
Karen was looking at me with one eyebrow raised; she didn’t believe a word of it. “Well?”
“OK, you got me. Katherine, with a K.”
“Excellent, Katie it is.”
“No!” I snapped back at her, “Kate, but not Katie.”
“Alright then, Kate. What about a middle name?”
I looked straight through her, I had no idea, the thought of a middle name had never crossed my mind. “I…I don’t know”
Karen had that look again.
“Really, I never even thought of it. A middle name…”
“That’s OK; we don’t need it right away. I’ll see if we can get your chart changed to Katherine, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”
“Thanks,” I whispered as I gave her a weak smile and stifled a yawn.
“You get some sleep sweetie, I’ll see you later.”
I didn’t argue, it was late afternoon and I’d had a fairly busy day. Rolling my head to the side I drifted off.
*****
I woke to the early morning sunshine trickling in through the window, someone was fiddling about at the foot of my bed, she popped her head up and saw me watching her. “Hello dear, sleep well?”
“Yes thanks nurse Jones.” I said as I stretched my arms out pushing the tiredness away.
“You’ve had a busy few days, so I’m not surprised; it’s good for you to get some rest. Well you don’t get to see much of me today, I’m just about to head home, nurse Shephard will be along soon enough.”
“Thanks, you have a nice day nurse Jones.”
“Thank you dear I will, and you take it easy and get some rest. You’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time, just you see.”
I never did get that saying, but I gave her a polite smile as she left the room, and then reached for the TV remote to help pass the time. About an hour later Eliza dropped in for a quick chat, I told her of my new name; she was impressed that I was getting along so well. She didn’t stay long; maybe 20 minutes, just long enough to make sure I was OK, and that I would be safe in my own company! When she left I went back to the TV not that there was much to watch, but it did pass the time a little quicker.
Karen stopped in on her rounds after a half hour or so “Hi Kate,” she said with a big grin, then handed me my chart, I stared at it in awe, sure enough it read Katherine Marsden.
“Hello? Kate?” A hand was waving in front of my face.
I shook my head to clear it, “Sorry, I ah…”
“First time you’ve seen it in writing huh?”
“Yeah, I kind of floated off for moment there, sorry.”
She waved me off, “It’s OK. Have you thought of a middle name yet?”
I thought about that for a moment; the first time I actually had, “No, not yet. I haven’t really had time to think about it.”
“Well I might send someone round later who could help you with that, depending on how things go.”
“Really? Who?”
“Oh just another one of you fans,” she smiled lightly as she spoke, “speaking of which, Mr Whittaker should be by soon to inflict some pain.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and it must have shown by the confused look on my face as she continued, “Oh don’t worry, It’s nothing serious and you’ll feel better when he’s finished.”
“Thanks, I think.”
She was busy fiddling with one of the drips above my head, I watched her for a moment before asking if she could get me something to read.
“Sure sweetie, what would like?”
“A book, some magazines, anything?”
“I’ll see what I can find OK? But don’t expect anything much.”
“Thanks Karen.”
“That’s alright, I’ll be back a little later, and you try and get some more rest before Mr Whittaker comes by OK?”
I gave her a nod but didn’t really feel like sleeping, as she left I settled back to think of a middle name. I really didn’t have a clue at first, in fact at one point I wondered if I needed one at all, but after a bit of thought I’d come up with a few options.
Mr Whittaker came in about mid morning with Karen and yet another nurse I hadn’t seen before.
“Ah my dear, how are you feeling today then?”
“Better than yesterday, not so foggy and the aches aren’t too bad. Karen said you’d be dropping by to inflict some pain so I’m not sure how long that’s going to last now.”
He stifled a grin before responding, “Ah yes, well I’m going to have another look at you, and I should be able to remove the packing today if all is healing well, it shouldn’t be too uncomfortable.”
“Packing?”
“Yes, well there’s a lot of gauze inside you, I should be able to remove that and hopefully the drains today.”
An image of the wire gauze on the rainwater tank at home passed through my mind, as I imagined him pulling lumps of stainless steel wire out of me, I was most certainly not looking forward to this. He must have seen something of what I was thinking in the look on my face as he continued, “Don’t worry too much, it’s all just soft cotton really, it’s mostly the bruising which makes it uncomfortable.”
I still wasn’t sure of it all, but the idea of less tubes coming out of me seemed pleasant enough to continue. I raised the knee of the one leg that wasn’t in a cast so that my right foot was now flat on the bed, as he started at his work with the assistance of the unknown nurse. Karen dropped the head of the bed down a bit to help me get a bit more comfortable as I felt what seemed like miles of barbed wire being pulled out of me. I groaned at the feeling and I don't think I screamed while Karen did her best to comfort me, it didn’t last too long then I felt some equalling long lengths of tubing being removed, they seemed reasonably smooth, at least when compared with the gauze.
When he had finished pulling things out of me he made a short inspection of his work to ensure I was healing well.
“Well I won’t remove the catheter just yet as I don’t think you’ll be ready to get out of bed for another day or 2; it will also give the urinary tract a little more time to heal before putting any pressure on it. How are you feeling now? I know it’s not the best of experiences when the gauze is being removed but it should be a little better now I’d say.”
I was totally stuffed from the events of the last half hour or so, with tired eyes I gave a gentle nod in agreement.
“Ah well, we’ll let you rest for a bit then once we’ve put a light bandage on. Nurse Shephard?” he looked over at Karen who responded in kind, “you’ll let me know if there are any problems?”
“Of course.” She answered.
*****
After yet more sleep I awoke mid afternoon, seeing that Karen had found something for me to read I reached for one of the magazines she’d left by the bedside. I couldn’t help but smile as I turned the cover on the latest issue of Girlfriend, I’d found an issue earlier in the year at school, but to have a copy of my own given to me left a lovely warm feeling as I flicked through the pages.
“Hey shorty!”
Startled, I looked to the door of my room to see a familiar face smiling back, “Julie! Hey you’re up, what’s doin?”
She wheeled her way into the room, both legs sticking out in front of her in casts. “Yeah, they helped me into this this arvo’. I can have a couple of hours out of bed a day if I feel up to it, and I figured I’d come see what you’re up to. You’re reading girlfriend?” She looked at the magazine in my hands then back at me with a ‘please explain’ look.
“Well I asked Karen if she could get me something to read, and this is what she got me. Why? It’s a good mag’ isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but… Oh I don’t know. So you got Karen too? She’s just the best hey. The closest there is to normal in this place, like hey, you and me are here that says it all. Did you get my note? I thought you’d have written back.”
“Yes, Karen’s cool, and yes I got your note. Didn’t she tell you I’d read it?”
“Well yeah, but I thought you’d write me one back, slacker.”
“Hey it’s not my fault they wouldn’t give me a pen!” Oops.
“They wouldn’t give you a pen? Why?”
“Oh, well, they didn’t have one they could give me.”
Julie just glared at me with ‘that look.’
“OK, OK…” and I proceeded to tell her the story; I swear this girl could get a deaf mute to talk! I think I actually had her speechless for once as she looked at me with her jaw in her lap.
“No way.”
“Way!” I rolled my eyes at her and pointed to the end of the bed, “Take a look at my chart, go on!”
She wheeled her way to the foot of the bed and picked up the clipboard, “What about…? Oh my god, Katherine Marsden, sex; Female.” She looked back at me before continuing, “You’re serious? Like…” she hinted in the region of my newly formed vagina — my vagina, I like that.
I smiled at her and gave a brief nod, “Ah huh, all the way.”
“No! Really?”
I kept the nod going.
“Cool, I thought it would happen sooner or later, just not this soon!”
“Wha…?”
“Oh come on,” she rolled her eyes at me, “It’s me, you’ve always been more of a girlfriend really when you weren’t trying to be all boyish, and you can’t hide anything from me you know.”
I had to laugh, the way she said it was just too matter of fact to keep a straight face. Maybe laughing really is infectious as the two of us giggled away long after the joke had been lost. Finding some composure I bought up the subject of my (nonexistent) middle name, after some consideration and a few giggles at some of the ideas I settled on a female version of my boy middle name, and so it was that Katherine Joanne Marsden was here to stay. The Hospital and the registrar had offered to issue me a new birth certificate displaying my new name and sex; now that I had the name settled I could let them know so that it could be made official as soon as possible. I guess this was made somewhat easier for them because I had been born in this hospital, I guess not everyone gets born twice in the same hospital. I had a slight giggle at that, and of course Julie wanted to share in the joke.
The conversation eventually turned to our more usual subjects, plus a few other topics I hadn’t been privy to as a boy. Karen dropped by a couple of times to check on us, and basically tell us to keep quiet; hey put 2 teenage girls in room and what do you expect?!
Julie eventually declared herself ready to collapse and headed back to her room and bed for a rest. I figured that was a good idea and settled down for a nap myself. After a light dinner I had a bit of a look through the Girlfriend magazine Karen had got for me before going to sleep for the night.
*****
The next few days were pretty much a repeat of the last, Eliza and Mr Whittaker coming by to check on me in the mornings, and Karen trying to keep Julie and I quiet in the afternoons. After a couple of days Mr Whittaker removed my catheter and I was finally able to get out of bed, with my left leg still in a cast I had to waddle about on crutches and couldn’t get far without tiring myself out, but at least I could go to the toilet in a more dignified manner than that catheter bag thingy had allowed. He also removed the stitches from some of the deeper cuts in my body, so all in all things were improving.
Chantelle came to the hospital for a visit one afternoon while Julie and I where gabbing away in my room, so I repeated my story for Channy “well you were always weird, but at least you’re not a boy anymore.” She had said with her usual sense of humour showing itself. After a few giggles, a flying pillow, and Karen telling us once again to be quiet we settled in to our usual discussion over everything and nothing, Channy filled Julie and I in on what had been going at school; just the usual, which meant not much at all really.
I still hadn’t seen mum, or any of my family for that matter, which I s’pose is probably a good thing really, even though I was certain mum would show up to preach at me sooner or later. Mr and Mrs Watermann, Julie’s parents, had dropped by to say hello a couple of times. I don’t really think it was to see me though as either I was in Julie’s room or she was in mine. We told them my story, which didn’t seem to bother them; actually I think Julie might have already told them as even for open minded people like them they accepted it a bit too easily I thought. They really were nice people, especially for parents, and even bought me a book of crosswords on one of their visits. It took a bit of work, but I managed to convince Eliza to let me have a pencil to do the crosswords with, it wasn’t particularly hard to see how happy I’ve been lately so I guess she figured there wouldn’t be a repeat of the last time I had a pen in my room. I was certain there wouldn’t, my body finally fit me and I was damned sure I was going to take care of it from now on.
About a week after the surgery I was sitting in bed after breakfast doing one of the crosswords in the book Julie’s parents had got me when mum walked in, the look she gave me could have frozen a dragon’s breath it was so cold.
“Read that, STUART!” She commanded through clenched teeth as she threw a folder in my lap.
“Mum...”
“Don’t try it!” she growled back at me before I’d even started, then pointing at the folder she continued, “that is all about what you’ve done, once you know the facts of your disgusting little stunt I’ll come and talk some sense in to you.” She then turned and marched out the door without so much as a goodbye.