Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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Thanks for reading
BTW: this chapter has been reworked, more words, more story...
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Chapter One
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I was sitting at the breakfast table enjoying my second cup of coffee when Lily breezed through our kitchen on her way to work. I looked up, smiled, anticipating a tender kiss.
As she leaned over, Lily placed a delicate hand on my chin. Instead of a soft kiss, she stared. “I want you to focus, one-hundred-percent. It’s important.”
Lily knew me too well. I was surprised at the timber in her voice. It was like a firm command. So I did exactly what I was told. I carefully set my coffee cup on the coaster and closed my laptop. The stock market could wait. My blue chip investments weren’t going anywhere until the market opened.
Lily waited until I looked up at her, then she smiled. “Camille, you know I love you. Right?”
I nodded. In Lily’s world ‘I love you’ covered a lot of bases - a cute puppy, a dress, an ocean view, an excellent day at the spa. All I could concentrate on was how nice Lily looked in her Anne Klein navy blue, pinstripe suit. The tailored jacket and the pleated short skirt accented her long legs. She’d matched it with a silver blue camisole top that I’d just hand washed and ironed yesterday. I couldn’t help but smile thinking about all the beautiful lingerie I regularly kept in perfect condition for her. I knew what she was wearing because I’d watched her get dressed as I served her coffee this morning. I didn’t have to close my eyes to remember the French lace bikini panty and a matching bra.
Lily brought me back to real time when she spoke. She was staring into my eyes. “And we’ve been lovers for how long, Camille?”
I blinked my eyes. I only wore a bit of sun screen foundation and mascara this morning. It was early. With just a light robe over my sheer nightgown, I felt positively naked sitting there in front of her. But, I smiled because I knew the answer to the question. “You and I have been together since my freshman year in college - seven years, and eight months. We met when Ralph Steering assigned you to handle my trust.”
Lily smiled. “And I remember, too. You were such a fresh face. That first afternoon, sitting there in my office was the day I found out you’d just started hormone replacement therapy.”
I smiled. “It was a wonderful September day and I fell in love with you at first sight.”
Lily grinned. “And you turned out to be the sweetest lover I’d ever known. Your gentle touch, your soft lips. It still gives me chills just thinking about your dedication to pleasuring me. And no one has ever asked me to marry them in the middle of making love.”
I nodded. “It was our first time. You were perfect then and you’re even more perfect now.”
She frowned. “Hmm. Your compliments still make me blush.” She took a deep breath. “This is going to be harder than I thought.”
I watched her wipe a tear from her right eye.
She stared straight at me and suddenly looked very serious. “Camille, I want a divorce. I’ve got the papers here.” I watched her remove a file folder from her attaché case, open it, then take out several documents. “Here’s a pen. You need to sign where I’ve marked.”
I reached out and took them from her hands. I shook my head. “You know, Lily. I wondered when this would all happen. Tom Reynolds really does seem like the perfect man for you.”
Lily sighed and touched my shoulder gently. “I hope so, Camille. These past six months have been very confusing for me. Actually, they’ve been terrible. It’s frustrating. Here I am, in our house together with you, knowing that I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s terrible to love you but need him so badly. Even with this divorce, I still dream of us staying close. You know, being the best girlfriends ever!”
I felt sorry for Lily. She’d become the hummingbird that flits from one flower to another. I didn’t understand her point of view. I’d tried to put myself in her shoes many times. But she was right. Everything had changed. The whole time we’d been together, she’d been so content. But, now everything had shifted. I was old news at twenty-six-years-old. Our marriage was over. Mentally, Lily had moved on.
I reached out and touched the hand she’d left on my shoulder. I pulled it to my cheek and softly rubbed. It seemed ironic that I was consoling her. I was giving her the sympathy she desired. I was giving her the strength to go through with this. “Of course, Lily. You know I wouldn’t want to lose what we’ve had together after all these years. I love you too much.”
I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. I was picturing her leaving me and our home. She’d take a deep breath as she’d get into the white BMW convertible I’d bought her for her thirty-fifth birthday. She’d check the rear-view mirror making sure that none of those tears had ruined her makeup. Then, I imagine that she’d drive straight to his place. She’d run up and throw herself into his arms. She’d be laughing, covering his face with kisses, and declaring herself to be all his.
In a way, that image made it easier for me to deal with this morning. Since I refused to talk about him, I opened that door a crack. “When’s the wedding?”
Lily grinned smugly. In her mind, I’d asked the right question. She looked like the cat who’d eaten the family’s pet canary. She’d sinned, deserted our marriage, and now left me behind. But now, in her mind, everything seemed so perfectly sweet. “June.”
I covered my mouth in shock. “So soon? That’s only ten months from now.”
Lily nodded. She seemed a little daydreamy when she replied. “Well, Tom doesn’t want to wait. He wants to start a family now.”
I’d read about him in his stockholder’s report. Tom Reynolds was nearing forty. I shook my head. A wedding. I thought about my wife, well, really my ex-wife. I flashed on Lily walking down aisle in a huge church, the congregation rising, all of them gazing at her. I knew she’d be so full of herself with all those envious eyes feasting on her radiant beauty.
I could picture all the groomsmen in their formal black evening wear. Her bridesmaids standing there demurely wrapped in chiffon and silk. Then, in my mind I saw a reception line, envious glances at her engagement and wedding rings, and all those compliments continuing to swell her head.
I pictured their honeymoon cruise, maybe in the Greek Islands, where they’d be so hungry for each other they’d have trouble leaving the suite. I pictured Lily, sunning on the Lido deck in a micro bikini, maybe topless, with Tom’s meaty hands pawing her delicate body. The flush of passion tuning her skin pink while Tom would play her like a violin.
But, then, I saw the jarring image of Lily six months later. The frustration of how none of her beautiful wardrobe could fit anymore as her perfect body changed with Tom’s baby growing inside her womb. With her hormones raging, I pictured her trying to juggle the competition at work, a new husband to please, and facing all the unknowns of pregnancy.
For the past months as her affair raged, I’d refused to even listen to her talk about her new love. Up until that point, all her trysts had been brief and faceless. Long ago, I’d agreed to an open marriage because she’d insisted it was the only way to keep us together. But, once she finally slept with Tom Reynolds, all the open marriage rules were discarded. The man had obviously sent her spinning and our relationship fell apart.
At the beginning of our marriage, whenever Lily disappeared for a night or two, she would return satiated, but needing me more. The woman would be happy to back in our bed, acting contented and loving me more. And this had been our married life together for years. After each of these affairs, our love was rekindled.
I’d learned to accept that as part of our relationship. Lily had encouraged me to go out and do the same thing, but it wasn’t in my nature. I was content. I had grown up with Lily by my side. We’d been together since I was eighteen and she was twenty-seven. She was my lover, my mentor, and had patiently helped me find myself. She had guided me through my transition and all my surgeries. I owed her a lot and had showed my gratitude by showering her with my love and my riches. She was the world to me.
But, I realized the random one nighters had stopped. Lily was home every night, but she was restless. She wanted to talk about this man she’d met. How her firm had been brought on board to handle some legal difficulties at his company. At first, he was a client, but then she became his personal legal advisor, too. I heard about dinners and late nights working together. After a point, I realized that Lily was captivated by everything he did. She wanted to share her fascination with this man by talking about everything he said.
I learned his name, Tom Reynolds, and how Lily was mesmerized by him. Obsessed would have been the word I’d have used. But, deep inside, I wanted it all to end. I was tired of her fixation with some over-the-hill ball player turned entrepreneur.
I waited she’d just sleep with this guy and to get over him. I wanted her to scratch that itch and just come back to me. I wanted to deflate this growing bubble of need inside her. I made a plan. I told her I was going out of town. I mumbled something about seeing my old surgeon for a touch-up that would require ten days in New York. But, actually, I was headed to Arizona for a ten-day meditative, yoga retreat.
I’d finished with my surgeries when I was twenty-three. Lily never kept track and really wasn’t listening to what I said. I stressed the ten day absence hoping this would be the end of all this distraction.
When I returned from my retreat, I came back to an empty house. I hadn’t heard from my wife for ten days. But, this was not unusual. When Lily was mesmerized with someone new, she was immersed completely. She’d only come up for air when she was done.
As I walked through the house, I saw the remnants of their love making. Candles burnt down to their stubs everywhere. Empty champagne bottles overflowing the sink and recycles. Take-out containers and pizza boxes overflowing the trash. Further inspection showed me how our bed was in tatters. One look at the bedding told me I’d never sleep on that mattress or even bother to wash those sheets.
But, the two of them were gone.
As I was unpacking my luggage, I heard her BMW pull up. She ran through the door and into my arms smothering my face with kisses. I looked at her and she positively glowed. I was tickled. My plan had worked. Finally, I had Lily back in my arms and our marriage could continue.
It wasn’t to be. All her weekends with Tom had left her yearning for more. And like a delicate moth, she was caught in the bright light of his outgoing personality and fame. He became her oxygen.
Our lives had changed.
Sometimes, she’d stay home for a few days or even a rare week while he was busy or away on business. But, after a while, Lily stopped feeling an obligation to excuse her behavior. Our relationship grew old. Weeds grew in our untended garden of marriage. But, I refused to hear about him. I didn’t want to share in her newfound joy. I just had to deny what was taking place for my own peace of mind.
And that’s why I expected her to hand me those papers. We both knew our marriage was over.
Bu now, with the news I’d just gleaned about Tom Reynolds wanting to start a family, I tried to picture Lily in five years. It would be a few babies later, one coming right after another as she provided her man with his family. She’d see her tight body loosing it’s elasticity, the muscle memory lost as she’d be unable to bounce back to the youthful beauty that was part of her charm.
During our time together, Lily had done a good job of keeping herself fit and trim. But all that stretching to bear a brood for Tom would be her real sacrifice. I tried to imagine her in five years and couldn’t. I’d been married to a professional woman who’s focus had been on her practice and her personal self. She’d always set aside time for me and we were in love. I accepted who she was and what she needed. But, she had always returned.
I blinked several times digesting her statement. I tried to remain neutral and aloof even though I was rocked to my core. “That’s ironic, Lily. In all our time together, I never pictured you as the maternal type. And trying to imagine what those babies will do to your body. Well, have you considered using a surrogate?”
She nodded. We weren’t talking like a married couple, but simply two women chatting in a kitchen over danish and coffee. “Camille, I really thought about it. But, Tom’s old fashion and wants us to go the natural route together. He wants to witness all of his babies growing inside me. You know, he’s so sweet. I’m sure he’ll make a great father.”
All I could say was uh-huh. I tried to forget hearing about Tom and his philosophy because I would end up judging him too harshly. The man was entitled to his own thoughts and opinions. Old fashion. I wondered what he thought about me.
I guess by signing her papers, I’d given her permission to talk up this infatuation. Up until that point, I’d stubbornly refused to hear it. But, now that I’d given her everything she wanted and more, my role as wife and partner had expired.
But, my imagination went unchecked. I cruelly pictured Lily becoming his personal breeding cow, spending the next five years pregnant and whelping Tom’s heirs. I tried to imagine her huge ego playing second fiddle, sacrificing everything to please him. I’m sure the sex was excellent now, but Lily’s future would be down a new path. I tried not to be negative. After all, I was no longer part of the plan.
I was trying not to be cruel by judging her. It wouldn’t have made any difference because Lily seemed to be oblivious to my pain. The word heartless came to mind. She was still smiling when she started up again. “Oh, honey. You said it. All of that parenting business was the furthest thing from my mind back when we were starting out. I envisioned us growing old together, content, just to be sharing our lives.
“But, it’s so different with him. Tom wants a traditional marriage. I know it’s going to be hard. For the past ten years I’ve worked hard. I’ve built up a law firm with excellent clientele. I’ve had all the freedom I could want in our marriage and well, my life. And now, my man sees my first responsibility in making him a happy home. It all starts with motherhood!” She looked overwhelmed.
“At first I worried whether I could get pregnant at thirty-five. But, I’ve seen the doctor and I’m well on my way through my first trimester with Thomas Reynolds the third. It’s all still my biggest fear. Pregnancy and child rearing, well, what if I’m a terrible mom?”
I tried not to show the shock on my face. Pregnant! And giddy about it, too. Inside, I was reeling from this announcement. Because I’d choose not to be her confidant for these past months, this news took me by surprise. As I tried to recover, I decided to make my choice. I would not become that person. I would move forward without becoming jealous or angry. I would continue to be a caring, loving person.
I’d continue to be generous with Lily even though I had been forsaken. I smiled. “Well, you’ll just have to get excellent help. You’ll need a support staff. If you want, I’ll help arrange and pay for whatever you need.”
Lily wiped a tear from her eye as she shook her head. She stared at me like I’d just walked into the room. “Oh, my gosh, Camille! You really would. You’d pay out your money to support babies that I’m having with someone else. And look at you. You’re as sincere as can be. No anger, no rage. I’m amazed at you. All this time I’ve been cheating on us, violating our marriage vows, you never let it affect our love. And even now, you are still true to me.”
I laughed. Even when the reality of her affair had torn my heart apart, I never considered getting mad or angry. What good would it have done to scream or yell? It was obvious that I’d need to become someone I wasn’t to challenge this stranger who had stolen my wife. Pistols at dawn? A fistfight? But, that would never be me. Just as I had taken years becoming the woman of my mind’s eye, I was never going to search out the testosterone laden hot blood to make myself the challenger.
In my mind, Lily didn’t want to be won back. She’d made up her mind months ago and moved on. In her mind, our marriage had been annulled.
But, I was realizing that all good things must pass. We’d had a good run and I was slowly coming to terms with what was happening. I kept coming back to feeling like the fledgling who needed to fly away and leave the nest.
I tried to stay positive because no one likes a bitter person. “Am I going to be Aunt Camille?”
“Of course. You certainly can’t be Uncle Carl.”
That comment brought me up so short. Ouch. I didn’t deserve that swipe. It reverberated deep down into my soul. I was taken back with how hurtful and thoughtless that remark was. I was shaking and angry as I stood. I almost walked away from her. “Ugh, Lily. You know how I hate my dead name. That was totally unnecessary.”
I think she actually realized how hurt she’d made me feel. I saw her face change and suddenly she looked sorrowful.
“I’m sorry, Camille. That was a thoughtless remark. I can do better.”
I thought about the new world Lily was making for herself. She was looking down at me, not considering my feelings. I realized that Lily was leaving me at the curb and driving away down the road. As an aside, I said, “I can’t believe your Tom doesn’t mind having me around.”
She stared at me. “Oh, Camille. That’s silly. I didn’t give him a choice. I explained how we were soul mates. I explained about our love. But, you know everything’s different now. You can stay a best friend, a younger sister, and my confidant. That’s important because you know what I need and what I’m thinking.
“But, with Tom, our new relationship is growing. I think the man respects my honesty. He’s done everything I’ve asked of him and more. But his love is so different. He’s certainly not you. He falls so short in trying to please me. Sometimes, he stops caring after his needs are satisfied. Sometimes, I wish you were there to give him lessons.
I actually laughed out loud. “Lily, you’re living in your own dream world. Genetically, Tom and I are both the same, but I’m truly a woman. You and I are closer because of that. Your Tom will never have my perspective.”
Lily looked at me. “And that’s why I was hoping you could join us for a night or two. It could be a win-win. You’d learn how to please a man and we could both show him what I need. I know he enjoyed a little more girl on girl.”
I was shocked. “Lily, you’re nuts! Me and Tom, no way! End of this conversation!” I raised my voice to emphasize my point.
“But, truly, Camille, you’d love it. He’s such a brute. Last month, we had some fun with a pair of call girls in Las Vegas. He’s the most virile man I’ve ever met. I had trouble walking for days after that.”
I shook my head. I was not smiling.
Suddenly, Lily lost her temper. Maybe it was hormones talking, but she curled her lip and spat out, “I’m not surprised that Tom’s never seen you as a threat or competition. You’re such a worm.”
I stared at her. I stepped back and folded my arms across my breasts. I watched as Lily started to cry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Camille.”
I watched the tears fall down her face. I was surprised not to want to soothe her pain but she’d been angry that I wasn’t still being her personal assistant and attending to her every need. I remembered how ten minutes ago, I’d been fired from being her wife.
I grew sad. While Tom was being open-minded about all of Lily’s thoughts and opinions. I knew that would change. I didn’t think he’d want me around putting thoughts in his wife’s mind. I was sure that before long, I wouldn’t fit into his plan or have a place in their lives.
A while back, I’d finally done a bit of research about Tom Reynolds when it became obvious of what was happening. I discovered that in his youth in Kansas, he’d been a talented baseball phenom in high school. He continued his rise through one year of college and became a first round draft pick. The man signed for millions and never looked back. With his quick reflexes and strength, he could place a ball wherever he wanted, whether he was pitching or hitting.
At thirty-three, he retired from Major League Baseball and continued to do a good job of managing his money. He’d become a very successful entrepreneur. From the distance of the internet, I’d had a chance to examine the publicly traded companies he owned. Knowing that he was sleeping with my wife, I’d moved some of my money into purchasing his company’s stock. And eventually I owned almost ten percent of his public holding. Even though I had never met the guy, well, let’s say that when Lily left me, I decided to passively take a part of him.
I know it’s twisted logic, but eventually, my shell companies purchased about thirty-three percent of his public holdings. I held the power to shut him down if I wanted. I could bring my lawyers to his annual board meeting and get a seat on his board. From there, I could see him voted out. But, I didn’t want the confrontation and had no desire to seek revenge. My other choice was to simply liquidate all those assets and cause a run on his stock. This would cause a lack of confidence in anything associated with Tom Reynolds’s name.
But I didn’t do anything. I let his company send me dividends each quarter and I used that money to buy more of his worth. But, I’m getting ahead of myself.
I waited until she’d collected herself after calling me a worm. “Lily, now that you’ve told me how you really feel, what does Tom have to say about me?”
She smiled to finally change the subject. It was obvious she was thrilled to be finally talking about her new man even to someone who she’d just crushed. “Well, when we first met, he loved the fact I was in an open marriage. You know the guys all love that. They can get what they want without any guilt. But, he was surprised when I told it was in a same-sex marriage. Later on, he told me that he never believed I was a lesbian. And then when you went away for ten days and I took him back to our house, well, he finally saw photos of you.
“I know he was dumbfounded. Tom just couldn’t believe you were trans. I think he was really surprised just how beautiful you were. I’d have to smack him in the back of the head when I caught him staring at your pictures. You know, at that moment, I hated that. I can’t complete with a beautiful twenty-six year old woman. And I don’t have time to spend all day taking care of myself like you do. I settle for Botox, the occasional lift, and fillers. And I thought I could keep up with you. The fact that you never worry about anything just pisses me off. You’re so naturally beautiful that you don’t even need help.
“Well, besides the usual guy statements about your body or what he’d do with you sexually, I think he still had trouble understanding that you’re a trans woman. The man simply saw us as a pair of lesbians. And Tom’s line of thinking always assumed that a real man could straighten out any lesbian when he took them to bed. So, I don’t think he ever saw you as trans. I don’t think he could believe it.”
I listened and tried to understand. I’d never met Tom and could only imagine what he looked like. I never bothered to Google his pictures other than a head shot that came up in his company’s annual report.
Whenever I pictured his face, I always saw him wearing a bright brass ring through his nose or a training collar around his neck. Even though Lily had fallen head over heels in love with him, I knew she needed to feel in control.
But, I guess I was wrong. She’d be giving this all up to be his wife. I’d always saw her as being the strongest person, but I guess she’d met her match. It all made me wonder. Tom could offer her so much more than I could. They’d be creating lots of babies to give them a complete family.
All my life, I’d been a pleaser. I didn’t see a reason to become a different person. “Well, Lily. Thank you for including me in your future life. You know, I love you, Lily. And your happiness means so much to me. I knew you lusted for him for a long time before you stepped out on our marriage.”
She nodded. “Do you remember when it happened?”
I grinned. “Sure. I’d just gotten back into town. I’d been away for ten days and the instant I saw you, I knew it had finally happened.”
Lily suddenly looked sad. “Oh, Camille. I was so torn. I burned inside. I’d wanted him, but I still loved you. And when you returned, my heart broke. You looked so beautiful. And here I was breaking our vows. I was so despondent, but you were so sweet. You knew and you forgave me.”
I laughed. “I sensed the chemistry brewing for months before I left. You were so infatuated. I think that’s why I went away. Honestly, I was surprised you hadn’t done it earlier. I could smell your endorphins. You were in heat. And when I returned, I saw that you were floating on a cloud. It was wonderful to see how happy Tom had made you. I didn’t have the heart to scold you on the bed you two ruined going at it in our house. Even the pillows had to be burned.”
Lily blushed. “We did lose our heads. He was so, well, satisfying.”
“And I was amazed how the passion still kept flowing. It was a game changer for me because it was obvious how you felt. Of course, I could never be a husband; it was game over.”
“Oh, Camille. Stop being silly. You never tried to be my husband, whatever that means. The first day we met, you were so deliriously giddy about finally transitioning. You never wanted to take on a man’s role. I admired you because you knew who you were and were proud of yourself.”
I sighed. “You’re right. My only regret was not starting earlier.”
Lily smiled. “I was in awe how you’d just gone ahead at fifteen and stared the process. Even back then, you weren’t taking no for an answer.”
“Well, that was the benefit of boarding school in Switzerland. A weekend pass and a doctor who will take a suitcase full of Euros solved that testosterone problem. My parents would have flipped knowing I’d thrown away the future of our family lineage. But, those dangling bits always frightened me. They never belonged there. I honestly hated that part of me.”
“Camille, You’ve always been determined. As much as I’d like to think I wore the pants in this relationship, I always got the feeling that you let me feel in charge. But, you always got your way. No one realized that you really are a power broker. Look at you, always wanting perfection with everything you touch. And you believe it all the way to your core. You’ve had breast augmentation, waist, hip and butt work, liposuction, voice work, and that second nose job because the tip wasn’t perfect. I knew who I married.”
I sighed. “Oh, Lily. Don’t blow smoke. Right from the start, I knew I’d never be enough for you. This was my first relationship and I was always learning. I assumed it was only going to be a matter of time until you left me for the right person.”
Lily looked sad. “You say that, but you’re not angry or jealous. Why? Did you stop loving me?”
I smiled. “No. It’s just different. Once you consummated everything with Tom, well, you weren’t mine anymore. When we cuddled, I knew you were thinking about him. I still enjoyed our romantic moments, but knowing I had become second in your heart helped make it easier for me to make that break.”
Lily kissed me hard on the lips as her hand gripped the back of my head. As her tongue snaked through my mouth, I sucked down on it.
She pulled back and stared. “You’re always so right, Camille. Staying together would have been wrong for the both of us. We had a wonderful run, you and me. I loved witnessing your transition and watching you blossom into the most beautiful woman I know. But, I still worry. Are you going to be all right on your own?”
I smiled. “Sure. You don’t have to worry about me. Maybe I’ll keep you as a best friend. We will talk and have our fun together. But, I hope you and Tom go the distance. I like seeing you so happy.”
“Well. Maybe it’s time for you to take the next step. You should find someone.”
“Step? You want me to start looking around? C’mon. I’m being replaced this morning. You’re just trying to ease your conscious.”
“I wish you wouldn’t look at this that way. I don’t like the word replaced. It sounds so cold and clinical. I still love you, but, well, you know. Tom is different and I’m ready to stand by his side.”
“Lily. It’s okay, however you want to phrase it. I already told you that I’m fine.”
“Well, Camille. I think you need to start dating.”
I looked at her in amazement. “Dating! My wife is leaving me and I’m hardly ready to replace you. You’re kidding. Seriously, and what woman would want me? I’m so incomplete.”
“Woman? Oh, no. I think you’re wrong. I think you can go right out and replace me. But, I think you need a real change. You need to date a guy!”
I shook my head. “Lily, I’m not you. I’ve never looked at guys. And I don’t have the proper equipment down there to please a man..”
She smiled. “Well, don’t say no. You never anticipated me coming into your life just as much as I never thought I’d be a lesbian. I’m just saying you should keep an open mind. Honey, I didn’t go out looking for Tom. I never conspired to find a man and divorce you. I never planned on what happened. I considered him for months before I contemplated even a one night stand. I never thought I’d fall head over heels in love with the guy.”
“Lily, I saw how your lusted for Tom. I watched your biological needs overpower your mind. But, that’s not me. I’m perfectly content to watch the world go by. And seriously, I’m not there yet. I haven’t even thought about sexual reassignment surgery.”
Lily laughed as she checked over the signed documents before putting them back in her case. “Liar. You’ve been dreaming about your bottom surgery since you were ten. And it’s not money holding you back. I manage your trust and see your millions. And oh, yeah. I can still take care of your estate if you want me to, even after our divorce is finalized.”
“Don’t you want any of it?”
“Nope. The pre-nuptials I drew up are rock solid, plus Tom’s rich and I make good money. Never let it be said I’m an opportunist!”
“Fair enough. But let me demonstrate my everlasting love for you. Will you let me pay for your wedding?”
“Only if you promise to be my Maid of Honor.”
I tried to picture wearing a cocktail dress and smiled. I wasn’t going to argue with her. But, the last thing in the world I wanted was to be a spectacle at her wedding. I dread thinking of the finger pointing and the comments. “Of course.”
“Okay. And one more thing. Tom’s taking us out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I’m talking about the both of us.”
“Wait. I can see the two of you are celebrating your divorce. But, what’s there for me to celebrate?”
“Well, Camille. I want Tom to believe that you are happily giving me away to Tom. This is a wonderful moment for me and I think you should take part in it, too. And I want to show him that you’re okay with all of this. I want him to see you have no hard feelings. Will you do that for me?”
“I don’t know if I can sit there while he flaunts you as a trophy before my eyes. But, wait a minute. Is this what he wants?”
“Oh, no. This is all my idea. This is the way I’ve planned it. I’m in charge and he really has no idea.”
I hesitated and wondered what she’d told him. I’d do what she asked just out of curiosity. If things took a turn for the worse, I could simply excuse myself. So I tried to sound positive. “Sure, Lily. But I still think it’s better if the two of you celebrated alone.”
I thought for a minute. “I have an idea. How about after this dinner, the two of you could continue to party on your own. You could return to our house tonight and have more fun ruining sheets and pillows. And thinking about it, why not make it forever? The house is yours if you want it.”
“Oh, Camille. You know how much I love our house. It’s got so many wonderful memories that we shared together. And you really don’t mind if I bring Tom back tonight? It would be so convenient for me. But, are you asking to take part? Do you want to join us in our bed?”
“Oh, no! That never entered my mind.” I smiled. “It would just be a house without you being there for me. Please take it. Call it our settlement. I’ll pack a bag and move out to the beach house this afternoon.”
Lily hugged me.
I kissed her cheek like girlfriends do. “Good. Now, you can write up a deed transfer when you’re back in the office. Moving on, where are you taking Tom and me tonight for your celebration?”
“The Red Barn.”
I nodded. “I’ll meet you there at seven. I’ll feel like the fifth wheel, but it’s all for you.”
After Lily left, I took my coffee with me as I walked through the house. I was glad she wanted it. I had the opposite emotion. Everywhere I looked I saw her. We’d picked out everything together. Now, everywhere I looked would be filled with memories. I wasn’t strong enough to accept that.
It would be easy enough to move my clothes over to the water. Our other house was the perfect size for one.
For the past months, I’d worked to ignore the truths facing me. I had to accept that I was old news as the love of her life. She’d found someone else and that was it. Today’s documents tipped the scale. I tried not to get morose. I’d never known anyone like her before and doubted that wonderful love would happen again. But, I would be fine.
Buddha said that happiness comes with accepting what is.
So, I started to make a list. Then I made some calls.
I slipped into an old tee, panties, and flip-flops. I set aside today’s outfit and one for tonight. After that, I looked through our closet and made sure that all my clothes were separated from Lily’s. I randomly looked and touched some of her things. Sighing, I realized I’d grown up with my wife and wondered if any new person could understand me as well as Lily did.
Then, I moved all my shoe boxes to one side. Finally, I went through all our drawers making sure my stuff was together. I grinned. Lily would start missing me tomorrow when her laundry hamper started overflowing and she’d have to pick up after herself. I’d certainly been spoiling her taking care of the house and her. I liked playing housewife. I found it comforting.
I was the homebody. Lily aptly called me the fem. After too many years at boarding school in Switzerland, it was nice to enjoy the solitude of a quiet home. I had created a social life at the club playing tennis and golf with my girlfriends. I enjoyed having lunches and shopping, but my true pleasure was taking long runs along the paths that surrounded our estate.
I’d never worked. I attended college and enjoyed taking liberal arts classes. But, I was never driven like my fellow students. I dreamed about being a lady of leisure. Lady. I dreamed about being a lady all of my life.
My parents weren’t keen on discussion my gender confusion and instead sent me to a psychiatrist when I was eight. After my evaluation, I was shipped off to Europe and visited home on holidays. That’s when I learned how to fulfill my own needs and make myself happy.
And when my grandmother left me her family’s fortune, I was free to be myself. At eighteen, I sued to separate myself from my parents and was able to start my transition without anyone’s approval. That’s when I met Lily. It was September. I was just starting college and Lily was assigned to be the attorney handling my trust.
I fell in love and asked her out. We’d been together ever since.
I slipped into a bath and soaked for a while. Then I shaved my legs and touched up what needed to be done. I went from the tub to the shower and washed myself thoroughly. I smiled when I didn’t clean up after myself. The tub needing rinsing out and the wet towels were on the floor. Without me, Lily would need maid’s service in the future.
I slipped on a thong and capri’s. I settled myself into the matching bra and buttoned up a linen top. A pair of espadrilles rounded out my look as I sat down to do my hair and makeup. I was being casual since I’d moved up my appointment for nails and had arranged for a blowout. I did want to look beautiful tonight. I wanted Lily to remember me.
Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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By the way, this chapter has been rewritten since it was published
An hour later, I had people swarming all over the house. I’d used Sophia’s service before and was a great customer. Two men and women wearing coveralls got out of a box truck with the company’s lettering on the side. They began bringing in cardboard boxes through the front door. They were here to move me out.
I was surprised when the owner herself followed the big truck up our drive. I saw the attractive bright red Ferrari pull up along side and watched Sophia climb out.
I almost had tears in my eyes as we hugged and kissed. “We’ll, it’s happened. You were so right. She handed me the papers this morning and I signed them. It’s official. And yeah, I’m giving her gran’s estate. Too many memories of us together are everywhere I look. I’m not interested in staying and thinking about the past.”
Sophia looked around. “This place is worth a hundred million bucks and you’re just giving it away. That’s crazy. You’re running from her. If I were you and wanted crazy, I’d torch the place. You own it. You have the deed. You have all the rights in the world to just set it on fire. And burn the bitches’ clothes down with it. But wait until we pack you into the truck.
I laughed out loud and hiccuped. That was so her. I loved her crazy.
A while back, I’d told Sophia about Lily’s recent affair with Tom Reynolds. It was when we were playing tennis at the club. After a tight three set match, we’d sat and cooled off looking out over the eighteenth hole. While we sipped ice cold water brightened with cucumbers and lemons, I cried a lot of salty tears talking about the bleak situation my marriage was in. It was not a good day. I remembered being so distraught.
“Sophia, I honestly don’t know what to do. She’s ignoring me and having this whirlwind love affair right in front of me. Sure, I agreed to an open marriage but she’s destroying any good parts of anything we have left. I’m being punished while she flaunts this new lust she’s in. She’s treating our house like it’s a hotel and I’m the concierge. I do her laundry, I hold her when she wants to be cuddled, and then she’s off for another rendezvous with him. We’re married. Doesn’t that count for anything?”
Sophia listened and shook her head. “It’s over, baby. You’re the problem by standing in her way. Your presence reminds her of how shitty she’s behaving. Deep inside she knows how bad she’s being to someone she was supposed to be in love with. And it’s hard for her to carry on and really enjoy herself when she knows she’s crushing your soul. I think it’s only a matter of time before she plays lawyer on your ass and divorces you. Will she take your money, too?”
I raised my hand and waved it. “I’ve got enough to share, but she wrote our prenuptial agreement before we got hitched. She barely gets a million dollars. A drop in the bucket.”
Sophia looked surprised. “No secret clauses, no strings? What if she murders you?”
I shook my head. “Charity. She arranged it. We picked out the charities long ago.”
Sophia held her hand up to get the waiter’s attention. She looked at me. “We need something stronger.”
I laughed. Sophia was a good friend. She knew the whole story of my life.
She smiled at the waiter. “Two iced Irish coffees please. Double shots of expresso and double up on the whiskey, please.”
I laughed. “Who’s going to hold my head when I puke?”
She laughed. “That’s the sign of a true friend. Someone who keeps the puke out of your hair when your head’s in the toilet.”
After we drank the foam off the second drink, Sophia got a little more colorful. “Shit, girl. You’ve just got to stand up for yourself and kick her the fuck out. Change the locks, throw her clothes out on the lawn, then send her packing. She’s treating you wrong and you both know it. It’s got to stop. Look at how miserable you are. It’s killing you inside.”
I sobbed. “But, I owe her big time. She stuck by me through my transition and all my surgeries. She means so much to me. Without Lily, I would have never become who I am today.”
“That’s bullshit, honey. You might have had some detours, but you’d still be sitting here with me drinking the afternoon away. Except you wouldn’t be suffering from the pain that bitch is causing you. Seriously, stand up to her and tell her to get out.”
“I can’t do that. That’s not me. And,I just don’t want to be that person. I can’t be that person. And I still hope she’ll come back.”
“That’s your problem, babe. You’re wearing blinders trying to convince yourself that she still loves you. She knows you’d take her back and forgive her. That’s why she doesn’t care if she walks all over you. You’ve taken guilt out of the relationship.”
I drank and sobbed. Sophia was right.
“Well, maybe it’s cause you were raised on the right side of the tracks. You need to do a Jersey on her big butt. if you can’t or don’t want to be that person, fine. I will never say another word about your crazy-assed wife again.”
Sophia was a true friend. We’d met years ago when I contacted a security service about installing a system in my grandmother’s old house. It was on forty acres and used to be a horse farm. I wanted sensors and cameras installed on the perimeter walls and the house, too. The security company sent Sophia out to talk to me. But, instead of buying a system, we spent the afternoon telling each other the story of our lives.
She’d worked hard as a Blackjack dealer in Atlantic City, doubling up as a bartender and a cocktail waitress on the weekends before she met Lou. Long before she married Lou, we’d become friends. He liked to gamble and enjoyed being around her. His kids were grown and had moved away when the two of the started dating. He was deeply in love with her and she was happy to have found someone who appreciated her mind as well as her body.
She’d moved up to the Main Line to be closer to him. And that’s how she ended up pedaling security systems.
I liked her from the first time we met. Instead of selling me a system, I convinced her to go into business on her own for herself. I thought she had the talent and the moxie to go the whole way. So I became a silent partner in her business.
Over several bottles of wine, we created a game plan for her new endeavor. She’d create a service company to older rich people who needed someone to take care of things. Sophia would come in and make a list. She’d arrange for the contractors and oversee every detail of whatever needed doing. I wanted to call her busines ROTPTP for “Rob the rich and pay the poor.” Instead we settled on naming it Sophia’s.
And I made sure she’d make it through tough times by creating the cash flow she needed to stay afloat. I’d arranged with my bank to open up a line of credit to get on her feet. She was the first person that I’d ever played angel for by giving her a loan on a simple handshake. Oh, but, did I mention I owned a small part of a big bank?
My grandmother had a lot of investments and businesses that she’d left me. One of her properties was a Savings and Loan company from back in the 1930’s. It was an old fashion community bank that served the Lehigh Valley. It couldn’t compete with the big boys and was running on empty but still had lots of local customers and generations of family loyalty. When I inherited it, I promptly lined up a national bank to buy me out. It became an upgrade for our employees and customers. Besides the millions of dollars they paid me, I also got a minor seat on their Board of Directors. At nineteen, I was their youngest board member. I was also the only board member who proudly waved an LGBTQ flag.
The old farts laughed at me. One old, white man told me I should just sit there and listen. But, I pushed hard to create a positive attitude towards all people. And when the word got out through our TV and print advertising that women, minorities, same sex families and gay singles were welcomed here, out profits soared. From there, I pushed our nation wide branches to support community projects. We strove to show we cared about the underfed and the under appreciated. When I turned twenty-one, the board wanted to move me up to serve as their vice chairman. I turned them down, saying I could do more good behind the scenes.
I retired my seat when I heard that Forbes was getting ready to write a very complementary article about a special woman who was slated to become the first trans-woman billionaire in the world. That’s when I ducked my high profile position and retired. I declined all the publicity and returned to my small world.
Back when I was eighteen and itchin’ to transition, Grandmother Camille died. I was her only inheritor. Naturally, when all that happened I dove straight into embracing my female side. I had to leave my male life behind. And so, in her honor, I changed my name to Camille.
Gran’s trust included a substantial portfolio of stocks and bonds. As my lawyer, Lily arranged for me to receive a huge check each month from the interest gleaned from gran’s holdings. Instead of spending that money, I lived in my small dorm room and invested most of those dividends. While Lily managed gran’s trust, the portfolio I created was mine to invest.
I guess I was lucky because I was beating all the odds by making a lot of money in the NASDAQ and the New York Stock Exchange. My favorite was playing with ninety day grain futures. I bought shares in all the markets around the world and enjoyed those late night challenges.I saw a lot of action trading Yen for Euros. It was my personal gambling addiction. I really didn’t care how much I made, but I saw that it all got reinvested.
That first year, when Lily happened to see the accountant’s statement on my personal investment portfolio, she freaked and immediately insisted that I incorporate. Lily had made sure that gran’s trust was protected, but now she wanted to start overseeing my personal money, too. I allowed her to send me to an accounting firm and started listening to their advice.
But, I only took advice and chose to handle everything myself. Maybe it was juvenile, but I didn’t even want Lily or a strange accounting firm to oversee my investments. I also liked the idea of betting it all. Before long, I’d moved from investing tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands daily. I really did my best to kept everything quiet. I never told anyone.
But, finally the government came knocking. It started when the Federal Reserve Board was checking on my seat on my nomination to the board of the large bank. The Securities and Exchange Commision and the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation became aware that I was moving a lot of money around the world awfully fast. It seemed to make them worry. After that, I agreed to slowly pull back. Millions of dollars flying around the global markets managed by a single woman made them nervous.
When Lily found out the extent of my investments, she called it gambling. I remember her shouting. “Dammit, Camille. You’re playing with fire here. The big investment firms don’t move this much money at a time. Your going to be seen as trying to manipulate markets. Movimg half your gains in one day sends small shock waves out across the financial world. It’s just not done that way. It you don’t plan on drawing out these monies, you should start buying bonds. And it will simplify your taxable income. That way, you’ll only pay taxes on a salary you draw as an employee of your corporation.”
And so I stopped. It wasn’t as much fun with everyone looking over my shoulder. I hadn’t realized just how much money I’d amassed over a three year period. It was about the same size as grandmother Camille’s inheritance.
I soothed my conscious by donating half to charities I liked. Eventually, those were the same foundations that my big bank helped too. It was a win-win.
We lived very well as a young married couple. I felt that Lily was entitled to half of everything I had. And I would have generously complied, but Lily didn’t want any of it. She wrote out our prenuptial agreement and all of that property and bonds stayed in my hands.
So, I owned it all. We’d joke how Lily was a kept woman. I paid all her expenses including gifting her a wallet full of credit cards. It was good deal for her but I also saw where every penny she was spending went. I knew about each of her affairs as they happened. I saw the charges on the daytime hotel rooms, their food and drink, and the occasional getaway resort stays. Bermuda and Ibiza seemed to be her favorite places to take her younger men. Those trips and her shopping spree’s reflected a penchant for tiny bikinis and cocktail dresses.
I’d touch all her French lingerie purchases as I’d hand wash them. I always knew that a lover had seen her wearing those skimpy things before she’d brought them home for me to wash. Lily knew I was watching her affairs. I think she saw it as power over me. But, I liked the pleasure of taking care of her beautiful clothes. Until it all backfired.
Lily didn’t flaunt her cheating to my face, but she never lied either. While I tried my best to satisfy her, she’d remind me that she was bi, not gay. Early on in our relationship, I learned that our lovemaking didn’t fulfill all her needs. Her favorite reminder was where she’d laugh after a second cocktail and kiss me. “Camille, you are a perfect wife, but I’m not a vegetarian. I still have a hankering for a good steak.”
I learned to accept what she said. But, sometimes I pretended I didn’t hear her. Instead I concentrated on myself and the steps I needed to take to finish my transition. I loved Lily very much but had to think hard just to understand her. All those affairs were short-lived infatuations. When I saw what was happening, I just shrugged it off. I knew all the rules before we became engaged. I learned what an open marriage entails. I could have asked about each one of her men and knew Lily would have enjoyed telling me everything.
And I could have stepped outside our marriage, too. But, to use Lily’s phrase, I had no interest in dining out at a steak house. I was content with my wife. Did I ever think about beef? No. I looked at guys as aliens.
My all-boys boarding school had provided a wide menu if I wanted to dine at a buffet. But, I realized early on I was female but asexual. Maybe removing my body’s source of testosterone at fifteen prevented me from having deep sexual lusts. But, those upperclassmen who saw my long hair and willowy frame as a potential bottom to their obvious top, were game. I never could get excited as hard as I tried to be somebody’s girl. No one offered me a true relationship. For those guys, it was just about quickies.
So, when I met Lily, it was the first time I’d wanted to make love. And my new found lawyer was interested in training an innocent who was eager to please.
But, I soon realized I wasn’t the only one on her dance card. She had a penchant for twenty somethings. She liked the buff, male model types but never looked for an equal. There were no love affairs, just the occasional fling. I sensed that as Lily got older, these affairs with younger men provided a tonic. I could see the signs. Maybe she’d become bored with me. She’d be distracted. Then, she’d have a fling. After that, she’d be back eager to have me back in her orbit. Our love making would actually become better each time. I was convinced that she loved me more after each affair.
I reflected upon the past months Lily and I spent together. We’d been going through the paces, but I knew all Lily really wanted to do was talk about her new love. She wanted to share her happiness with me.
While I thought she was being mean, it was really all very simple. Lily had already stopping being in love with me. In her mind, I’d just become a loving girlfriend who she could talk with about Tom. I didn’t play. And since I wouldn’t be her confidant, she couldn’t find a place for me in her new life. I served no useful purpose.
I know Lily wanted me to react. Maybe it would have eased her mind if I had screamed and yelled. I guess she would have liked to have said hurtful things back at me. Deep inside, Lily knew the damage she had done, but she was the kind of person who had no remorse. And because I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of showing her that she had broken me, she was angry and contrite at the same time. She wanted to walk away without any guilt but, that was too bad for her. Deep down inside, I knew she wasn’t going to be forgiven. So I worked on forgetting her.
Deep inside, I still felt hurt. But, I decided that the easiest thing I could do was emulate Lily. I, too, would appear light and breezy and act like nothing had happened.
But, even as I played her game, something had died inside my heart and was gone forever. So, I read about the stages of grief and tried a few out. I refused to become angry. Denial was the easiest emotion for me to feel. Lily was there, right in front of my eyes, coming and going on her new schedule, going off to be with Tom.
Whenever she tried to bring him up, I’d shake my head and turn away. There was my denial.
I finally decided it was foolish to think l’d win her love back. If she came home at all, it would be late at night. Obviously, she’d ran through her wardrobe and needed a change of clothes to go to work tomorrow. She’d go straight into the shower to wash off the smell of their romps. And, while we still occasionally cuddled in bed, I’d become a different person. It would be wrong to say I stopped caring. But, I was acknowledging that our love had died. It was an epiphany when I finally realized that for all those years, our love making had been very one-sided. I’d always worked hard to please Lily. My satisfaction came at knowing I was fulfilling my role.
At those times, Lily would laugh. “You really are the girl here. So content just to please. All your satisfaction comes from making me happy. It’s strange to think that’s all you want. I could never be so passive like you. I have needs.”
Lily had always been my mentor. I was eighteen and she was twenty-seven when we’d met. Back then, that was a big difference in our maturational levels. I was a precocious teen starting college, faithfully going to classes, listening to everything said. But after school, I was getting my life classes from Lily. I learned to do her domestic chores. I learned to be her lady-in-waiting. I treated her like she was a goddess on a pedestal. And I loved my role. Until six months ago, I still wanted to stay that person. I was the devoted, loving pleaser.
I had worked hard to become her love slave. And then, when the inevitable happened, I was crushed. She’d tired of my love and sought out someone else. This break-up was my first and I was learning as I went.
Here Lily was on Cloud Nine and I was grieving. By the time I signed those papers, I’d moved on.
Now, it was time to move out. I’d been divorced and I was on my own for the first time since I was eighteen.
Sophia and I talked. After I pointed at what needed to get done to move me out, she wrote it up and gave her crew the list. The two of us went out to the sunroom and talked. She held my hand and I cried. I don’t know whether it was sorrow or relief that caused me to breakdown. But, it was all finally over.
Sophia held me while I sobbed. But, I tried to sound strong.
“Sure, I’m distraught, but at this point, I’m determined to stand up, shake it off, and resume the life that I want. I’m not broken. I’m not down on my knees. I never begged her to love me again. I pretended that everything was fine.”
Sophia was a tonic. She listened, then laughed. “Your ex is bat-shit crazy. She’s a sociopath. She has no guilt about anything she does.”
I listened and now understood what Sophia was seeing.
“Camille, You were blinded by love and never saw the real Lily. In most cases, sociopaths are men. The FBI hunts down people like that who find it easy to become serial murderers. Instead, Lily has unbridled sex with men instead of killing them. All her life, this woman has only thought about her self. Running from you to have one affair after another was more than insane. She’s confused immediate gratification for love. The woman was trying to overcompensate for the missing pieces inside her soul.”
I shook my head. “I’d been her fool. I thought that was what love was.”
“Honey, you’ve been through this shit storm and survived. While Lily single-handedly destroyed your marriage, you are strong enough to stand on your own two feet. You don’t need a wife to hold you up.”
“I’m lost, Sophia. I didn’t have a plan.” But I knew that I was strong enough to rise. I knew that after a period of complete surrender and meditation, I would see a direction to follow.
It took about ninety minutes for us to pack all my stuff and move it out to their big truck. They’d take everything out to the beach for me and I’d spend the next week getting settled. I liked the little house on the bluff. On one side was a mill pond and the other side looked out over the dunes into the ocean. I really was ready for a new view.
I had sweated through my clothes and needed a shower. As I washed, I thought about everything. Some good had come out of all of this. I still loved myself. I didn’t blame myself or look for my shortcomings that might had driven her away. I truly believed I hadn’t failed in our marriage.
It was Lily who had steered us onto the rocks. She had tired of what I offered. But, since it was all I knew, well, I was lost. I didn’t know what else to do. So I stood back and tried to see another perspective. And that’s when it came to me. That’s when I realized it was me who’d been enabling her. I was still being that person. She could count on me for everything. She had my love, my dedication, and my support while she romanced with someone new.
It wasn’t complicated. I’d never clipped her wings. I’d never taken charge or asserted myself. We’d never been equals. I couldn’t look through her eyes or see into her heart. Tom had become her life. It really wasn’t my place to judge her infidelity. But, after listening to Sophia, it was obvious she only cared about herself.
I’d changed. I didn’t want to play the wifey role anymore. Lily wanted a ‘get out of jail free’ card and I handed it to her. I offered her our house and my money. I’d come through to the other side. In the years we’d been together, I’d matured and become the woman I needed to be. I could look in the mirror and smile.
I pulled the shower cap off and moisturized. As I stood there staring at myself, l smiled. All my surgeries, all those enhancements had blended with my own flesh, fat, and muscle that created the look I wanted. The only vestiges of my past could be easily tucked away and out of sight.
I had lied to Lily that morning. All I thought about was my bottom surgery. And now that I’d be living alone, maybe it was the perfect time to call the doctor. I’d estimated it would take six months to recover enough to be back on my feet. So I needed to think through a plan.
I wanted to recover near my surgeon and while I didn’t want to hunker down in a large metropolitan city, I wanted the best team. Surgery and recovery would be a distraction. Speaking about distractions, I realized I needed to dress and head over to the salon. They’d made room for me and I didn’t want to abuse that kindness. Nails and hair. I even thought about letting them do my makeup.
I committed the ultimate sin. I wore Lily’s clothes to the salon. Her bra cup was too large, and really, the thong didn’t fit well either. My waist was tiny compared to hers. I found a pair of yoga pants and a sleeveless tee. Nice, quality stuff that I’d leave behind on the floor when I was done.
The Red Barn was an upscale farm to table restaurant and I needed to bring on the glam without overdoing it. After all, Lily and Tom would be the older couple at the table. I’d researched and found that Tom had already turned forty and Lily was close behind. So, my plan was to emphasize the gap. I’d be the starlet with the perfect body. Fresh face, perfect smile, and innocence all wrapped in a demure, quietly sexy package.
While Tom was having an affair with a woman married to a trans-woman, I wondered how he’d rationalize that in the company of his friends. Jocks were notoriously unkind to gay people and I winced imagining how I’d be perceived. Whenever a guy finds out that I’m trans, the first thing that comes to mind is what’s in-between my legs. But, rather than dwell on the ‘what if’s’ with this impossible dinner, I’d be breezing through for this occasion on my own time. Arrive late and leave early.
The salon was a sweet two hour escape. After that, I had just enough time to change into my evening wear and throw everything else into a bag. I dragged my overnight case out to my car. As I locked our house doors behind me, I tossed the house keys through the mail slot. I grinned thinking if this was a movie, the house would explode and burn just as I reached the road. But, no fireball. Just the sound of the car tires on the lane and crickets in the beginning of night.
I arrived at the Red Barn at eight-thirty, a planned ninety minutes late. When I strolled through the doors, I saw Lily across the room. As I headed her way. I knew the dress was gathering a few eyeballs. It wasn’t anything special, just a little black thing. But, in heels and a beaded black bolero jacket, I was absolutely sex on a stick. I stood almost six feet tall in my stilettos and with my hair up in a high ponytail, well, I couldn’t be ignored. I felt like I was prancing as I arrived at their table.
When Lily saw me, she pursed her lips. I think she expected me to look sad and lost. I knew she wanted to be the star of this party. And, if you think about it, Lily alway expected to be the center of everything. Instead, with all my blonde tresses and long legs, I wasn’t playing the role of the loser. I was an eye full. Jackie, at the salon, had barely touched my skin as she feathered out my makeup. I wore just enough to make my features pop.
I hadn’t dressed up in a while. This wasn’t the introspective shadow that cleaned house and made dinners. Instead of the kitchen girl, Cinderella had come to the ball. I smiled at Lily, then glanced at Tom. He sat there wide eyed, his mouth agape. I wondered what he was thinking.
I was about to apologize for being so late when another person rose to my right. I glanced over and immediately felt an electric current running through my body. I knew I was all stressed out over appearing at this dinner, but I never expected to be standing this close to such a beautiful man.
Tom laughed and finally stood. “Well, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Camille. Lily has told me so much about you, I feel like we’re old friends. And this is my business partner, William Mathews. Our Lily wanted to round out the table and bring you a date. I hope you’re not disappointed.”
Once again, Lily had topped me. Here I was, excited to be making the grand entrance and I was now struggling with keeping my poise. I was standing next to a man who could grace the cover of any men’s magazine or be seen modeling suits for any of the big fashion houses full page adds. I shook his hand. He had a firm, dry grip and gave me a warm smile. But, something was wrong. Mr. Perfect here should have a beautiful woman on each arm. It was obvious that I was being set up.
I frowned a bit as I tried to smile. Obviously, Lily knew just how dashing this William was and she was teasing me by showing me that she knew best. I remember her saying this morning, you need to date a man. Thinking back, I realized even then, Lily had made the reservations days in advance and probably told William to join us. Of course, I was the last to know. I had literally walked into a trap sprung by my dear ex-wife.
I wasn’t about to make a scene and decided to go with the flow. I turned on my best smile towards my date and whispered in his ear. “I’m sorry that you had to be dragged into this soap opera. It’s seems like everyone was in on this but me. I feel like a fool.”
William pulled back and looked at my face. Even with my heels on, the man had to look down on me. He was at least a few inches taller.
“I’m sorry if I appear to be part of a scheme. Tom asked me to join him tonight to be the forth. I think he’d gotten his orders from Lily. But, if I had seen your photo, I would have jumped at the chance. This is all my pleasure.”
I tried to smile. “I was being set-up tonight. Lily handed me divorce papers this morning and insisted that I met her new fiancé tonight over dinner. Obviously, I’m incapable of saying no to her.”
William frowned. “I have an idea. Let’s get some fresh air and take a walk.” He turned to the other couple. “We’re going to talk a stroll and get better acquainted. Go ahead and order. Maybe we’ll be back.”
The gentleman took me by the elbow and steered me around the other diners. He did an excellent Humphrey Bogart saying, “Let’s blow this joint, kid.”
I think it was the first time I’d laughed in a while. I was led out the side doors onto a patio. There were heaters and a fire pit going. The stars were out and it was a beautiful night. If the circumstances were different, maybe I might have enjoyed myself.
We stood together taking in the view, when I turned to him and said. “Thank you for the chivalrous exit. If you walk me around to the parking lot, I’m going to head home.”
“Why?”
“Why, what?”
“I understand you wanting to exit out on those two. I think I’d be just as pissed. But, why are you walking out on me?”
He still held my arm so it was easy to lean in. “William, I’m sure you’re a wonderful man and I know there are many women who would enjoy your company. But, well. You don’t know me and well, most men would not want to be seen with me. I’m trans. I was born a boy.”
William looked at me and kissed my forehead. “And…”
“And, what?”
“Well, trans but why would that put me off? Are you a serial murderer or in the slave trade, maybe smuggling blood diamonds, working with the Mexican cartel?”
I laughed. “William. Trans as in transgender. I would think that would send you running just thinking that you’re standing next to a woman who tucks her penis.”
William grinned. “My older brother is trans and I love him very much.”
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Wait, did my wife just divorce me?
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Dear Readers,
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Invisible has been my guilty pleasure. And I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did.
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But, while I'm editing and waiting for the final cover, I had to write this little story that came to me in the shower. It's really a first draft and I don't know if it has legs. But, I know the readers here have lots of patience and tolerate my rotten tomatoes.
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By the way, this whole story has been rewritten this week since it was originally published a few weeks ago. To really appreciate it, you might want to skim it all
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Tom watched William stand up and greet Camille. He’d already said hello and tried to add some sincerity into his voice. In his mind, this was going to be an awkward meeting. He’d been having an affair with Lily for months now. She’d explained that she and her wife had an open marriage and the two of them weren’t doing anything wrong.
Tom reflected on the woman he’d just shook hands with. She was a knockout. A real stunner with everything going for her. He’d been told she was a trust fund baby with millions in the bank and was in the process of transitioning. In his own mind, he didn’t see any male characteristics showing around the edgesl. There was no giveaway. She was a ten.
Tom really liked dating married women, especially the ones who cleared it first with their husbands. Husbands! Tom scoffed at any man who’d let his wife screw around on them. In his mind, these whores were only good for one thing. And of course, with no strings attached, Tom was more than happy to please.
He’d started in minor league ball when he was nineteen years old. Even back then, he was tall and strong looking. He knew he was a chick magnet after playing all the team sports in high school. But, baseball opened up a door that had never closed. He literally could be our there swinging a bat or throwing a pitch and the women would line up to watch. All he had to do was make eye contact for thirty seconds to know he’d caught a prize.
Then, he’d call out the trainer. He’d walk over and describe the woman. After the game, she’d be waiting for him in the training room or the office or any place that wasn’t taken. It was like that in every town. And when he moved up to the majors, well, he wasn’t safe anywhere. He’d be recognized walking down the street and women would proposition him. Sometimes, two girlfriends would want to have him at the same time.
The major leagues were prime beef, too. These heifers would do anything to please him. One seasoned player warned him. “Don’t be in any hurry to get married, Slick. Your bride will never do what these broads would do to make you happy. With them, its a click of the fingers. A wife always wants something in return.”
So, Tom took his advice. Tom got a lot of advice and tried to hear what everyone had to say. He’d gotten good financial advice from Patch Mathews, one of the elderly players on the team, about investing his money. He did what he was told and enjoyed watching his bank accounts double, then triple. Eventually, his advisor retired but introduced him to his oldest son, William.
“Tom. This is William. My boy’s been to the Wharton School of Business and Harvard Law. And I think you need a partner to help you diversify and go big. My boy could be the guy to take you there.”
William gave him great advice and had him incorporate. He wanted to simply call it, Tom Reynolds. But, William wanted him to call is the Green Field Fund. Naturally, Tom won out.
After a while, William told him if he wanted to go really big, he needed to go public on the New York Stock Exchange. Tom liked the idea of his name in lights and it proved to be a winner. A lot of fans bought a share or two of Tom Reynolds just so they could look at the fancy paper.
But, some of these guys encouraged their darlings to go out and sleep with this baseball hall of fame winner. One guy even asked his wife to get him an autographed baseball. Tom wanted to personalize it thanking him for letting him have a wonderful weekend away with his wife, but William advised against it. He said that that man would have the evidence to sue him. And William reminded him that America had a strong moral compass.
William reminded him of the stars that had been shot dead by jealous husbands. “Don’t push your luck, Tom. You’re only screwing the wife, not both of them.”
But when Lily told him she was married to another woman, visions of having the two of them, well, that would have been a classic. He joked about it with William.
“So, I met this babe named Lily, who is incredibly hot to trot. She just can’t get enough of Big Tom, showering him love. I’m telling you, she couldn’t get enough of me. And she says she’d in an open marriage with another woman. She tells me the other woman is transgender.”
William looked at him. “Do you know what that means, Tom?”
“Sure. When we did public relation tours in Japan, we’d always do a little side trip to Thailand. I gotta tell you. Everything goes there, dude. I mean some of the players were really bent and loved breeding little girls who were only fifteen. But, I thought that was a sick thing until Wayne took me to a bar where all the entertainers were ladyboys. Amazing looking girlyboys who were eager to please. You could call the shots. Pre, post, two, three, whatever you wanted. Some of them would take a Viagra and their little stuff would stand up straight. Crazy!”
William didn’t say anything.
“So you see, Mr. Harvard Law, I’ve been around the block. But, back to this babe. She’s calling me up and arranging all these meet-ups. It was like she was in perpetual heat. I guess that lesbo action she was getting at home wasn’t enough cause she was begging for Big Tom. I mean, gorgeous body, beautiful face and old enough to appreciate my Major League touch.”
William laughed. “Please, Tom. I hope you don’t talk like that to your friends. Somebody could record your carrying on and you’d end up on the front page. Remember, you’re still selling that squeaky clean image, the All-American guy.”
“Yeah, I need to be in the movies. I could be an action hero.”
“Dream on, partner. But, you need to try to keep Big Tom in your pants. Or someday, you’re going to get your pants sued off.
Tom thought this whole thing was going to be a quickie, but Lily kept coming back, and back. She was really a woman he liked showing off. She was a quality piece and well, the last couple had been kinda cheap and trashy.
Sometimes he worried about the ones who kept coming back, but there was something special about this one. The biggest problem was that Lily was starting to grow on him. He liked her in and out of the sack. He enjoyed her pluck and her take no prisoners moxie. But, after a long weekend in Las Vegas where Lily had brought call girls up to entertain him, well, Tom thought he’d died and gone to heaven.
He was star-struck watching her maneuver these two babes around while they tickled his fancy. Then Lily took the lead engaging in stuff with these dolls you could only imagine in your fantasies.
He was sold.
He turned to Lily as he watched Camille walk away. He was having trouble not staring as he got a perfect view of the woman walking away. “Hey, babe. What just happened? Where are they going? I thought that we were getting something to eat.”
Lily grinned. “I guess your partner just swept her off her feet. I don’t think they’re coming back.”
Tom laughed. “That’s funny. I’ve never known William to be quick to the plate. But, I guess she must have swept him off his feet. The photos of the two of you together don’t do her justice. She’d a ten.”
Lily squeezed his muscle and bit his lower lip as she kissed him. “If she’s a ten, then what am I?”
Tom laughed but knew he’d better answer this one carefully. “You’re off the scale, baby. No one comes close to being as gorgeous as you are. But, seriously, I have a hard time believing that your ex is not real. I mean, when we traveled to Asia for exhibition games, we met plenty of ladyboys, but seriously.”
Lily grinned. “Oh, Tom. I never knew that you enjoyed pushing it deep into those cute trans girls.”
Tom laughed. “Well, if that’s what’s offered, who’s going to turn it down?”
Lily looked at him strangely. “Really, I took you for the All-American guy. Never saw you as the gay type.”
Tom took a big drink of his Scotch. “Guys? Nah. But, when a trans woman goes to all that trouble to make herself a woman, it’s the least I can do to show my appreciation. You know, the two of you are still close, right?”
Lily frowned. “Where’s this conversation going, Tom?”
“Well, I was thinking we could invite Camille to join us. After what you’ve told me, I’m sure she’d do whatever you asked. And seriously, once she gets a peek at Big Tom, well, he speaks for himself.”
Lily stewed a bit before she answered. “Hey. I’ve agreed to an open relationship and if that’s what you want, well, we can do it. But, don’t make me jealous or I might have to behead Big Tom.”
Tom pulled her in closed and squeezed her. “Oh, baby. I’ve only got eyes for you. Dipping Big Tom into an inkwell ain’t love; that’s lust. I love you but I’m not quite dead yet.”
Lily whispered in his ear. “I think it would be polite to let me know who you’re playing footsie with. I get wanting to screw the celebrity, but it better be wham, bam. Nothing that would make me feel taken advantage of.”
“I’m hearing you loud and clear. But, we need to talk about how much Big Tom loves tight spots. Seeing your ex just reminded me. Maybe you can show Big Tom how much you love him by showing him your other spot.”
Lily laughed. “Oh, baby. If I’m giving everything up to you, well, that’s a two way street. You need to learn to worship my beauty, too. You learn to eat at the table of love. You know, a little nibble goes a long way.”
Tom shook his head. “Seriously, that’s not what I am doing. I’m not in on that. But, why don’t we invite Camille over to worship me while Big Tom parts her Red Sea. You can watch and then the two of you could put on a little show like you did back in Vegas. I like watching a little girl-on girl.”
Lily frowned. “Okay, Mr. Smoothie. I think you’ve had too much to drink and not enough to eat. Let’s get you some black coffee and some starchy foods.”
Tom kissed his date. “Well, weren’t you going to tell me something tonight? Or were you saving it for the four of us?”
Lily blushed. “Camille signed the divorce papers today. I am a free woman and ready to become your love slave.”
Tom swallowed. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Good. So you’re a single babe, huh?”
“Yeah, Tom. I thought you’d want to make me an honest woman since I’m eight weeks along with your baby. Don’t you think Tom Reynolds the third should come into this world with a mom and dad who love him?”
It was all he could not to pass out. All the blood drained from his head with all this crazy news. This broad was carrying his baby and now she was expecting him to marry her. He was trying to think, but he was afraid he’d had too much drink on an empty stomach. He lurched up out of his seat and ran towards the men’s room.
He heard her calling to him but he was afraid to speak for fear it would all start coming up. He trotted to the men’s room, slammed the door open and pushed his way to an open stall. Forgetting all publish restroom protocol, he fell to his knees while his stomach emptied itself clean. He hung there waiting for another purge when he realized that this broad was standing next to him.
“Tom. Are you all right? Is there something I can get you? You want a cold towel for your head or something to clean yourself up with?”
He shook his pounding head. Divorced, pregnant, and wanting him to make her an honest woman cause she was carrying his baby. Thinking about that and suddenly his stomach emptied again until he felt rung out. Jesus, he thought. She was standing right there by his side.
He shook his head. “Pregnant? You sure?”
He chanced a look over his shoulder to see her grimace as she nodded. She was getting pissed.
He knew the next question would really pop her cork. “Are you sure it’s mine? I mean you’re the one who screws around without protection.”
Lily looked like she was ready to explode. He watched the tears fill her eyes. “I thought that’s what you wanted. I thought you were going to marry me and I’d give you a family. I was trying to please you.”
He was still too shaky to stand. He sat on the bathroom floor and looked up at her. He reached out and feebly grabbed her ankle. “That’s my dream, Lily. But, well, I never saw it coming around so fast. I mean, I love what we do together. You’re great. But, marriage and a family. I mean, I’m just forty. I could probably have kids for another ten years. I mean what’s the rush?”
She kicked him again. This time she hit his inner thigh. He realized what she was aiming for. “Hey, stop that! I get that your biological clock is running and a broad like you is running out of time. But, hey, for me. I have lots of younger women to choose from.
The next kick hit him right in the jaw and sent him backwards hitting the porcelain toilet bowl. He saw black.
Lily stared down at the unconscious man lying there. Then she noticed bright red blood coming from the back of his head. She kicked him in the side to see if he felt it. He didn’t move. She kicked him again and again and again until she couldn’t kick anymore.
She felt the tears running down her face. She shook her head and muttered, “Fuck me.”
As she walked straight out of the bathroom to the side exit, she prayed that no one saw her. She’d made the reservation in his name because it was the only way they could get a table with a week’s notice. She wondered when they’d find the dead man.
It was time to go home. She wiped the tears from her eyes and felt a pang of nausea pass through her system. It’s that baby, his fuckin’ baby. She thought about him and his baby. She remembered seeing Camille leaving with that side of beefcake.
As she drove back to her house, she stopped off at a bar. She needed a distraction to take her mind off this whole fucking mess. As she walked through the doors, she realized this was a biker bar. She saw the bare, muscle laden arms covered in tattoos. The dirty jean jackets smeared with sweat, blood and motor oil. Perfect, she thought. A couple of these boys should take care of all her problems.
She walked over to the bar making sure she didn’t lose her balance in her four-inch stilettos. Putting one foot on the rail, she looked around. She paused, then spoke with an air of confidence, “Okay, boys. Who wants to buy this lady a drink?”
Two hours later, she led the two bikers back to her place. As she turned onto the lane, she saw the lights, the trucks, and the flames. Smoke was billowing out from everywhere as the flames seemed to lick the old Victorian mansion.
As she got closer, a state policeman stopped her. “Excuse me, ma’am. You can get any closer. This is a total mess. The house is gone. We just got here about twenty minutes ago. We got an anonymous call. Are you the owner?”
Lily watched in her rear view mirror as the motorcycles turned sharply on the grass and beat a hasty retreat. Damn, she thought. This is turning out to be a real cluster-fuck. She’d never gotten the deed changed over or processed in court. She saw the divorce papers in the back seat. “Uh, no. It’s not mine. I just saw the flames and got curious.”
The policeman used his big flashlight to get her turned around and back down the lane. Lily tried to think about finding a place for the night. She realized that everything she owned was back at that house.
Shaking her head, she decided to drive back into town. She still had to go to work in the morning.
As we stood together out on the patio, those were the last words I expected to hear from this man, William. Sure, I’d gotten a number of common lines from guys trying to pick me up. Out for drinks with friends, even wearing an engagement ring and wedding band, guys would hit on me.
I didn’t blame them. I’d spent a ton of cash making myself as beautiful as possible. I had the money, thank you, gran, and could afford to spend it. Sure, vanity and all that, but, I wanted my outer shell go along with my brain. I dreamed of making myself flawless. I did it for all for myself unlike Lily who needed her looks to wrap every soul around her pinkie while dangling her beauty.
We’d walked out on the happy couple. They’d probably spend the night drinking and maybe end up back at his place since it was closer.
But, I still had this weird entanglement with a beautiful man who just told me that his brother was trans. I assumed that this brother used to be his sister. I paused for a moment and thought to about this brother’s life and wondered how he was doing. I could ask.
I looked at this guy. “William, tell me about your older brother.”
He nodded. “I’ll keep it sweet and simple. Jan was always our mother’s helper. I don’t think that anyone knew how she felt inside. She never acted out her feelings, but in high school started becoming the guy she wanted to be. By the time she got to college, she’d told everyone about her plans.
“She transitioned during those four years and became my older brother. Our relationship never changed. I loved Jan and he loved me. Eventually, he finished up and found a loving woman to marry. They are happy raising two kids and we’re still very close.”
Camille shook her head. “So how about you?”
William smiled. “I was closed to being engaged to Jessica. We lived together and we loved each other dearly. We met in college and shared a place for two more years. But, well, it wasn’t perfect. She met another guy and just loved him more. We both cried, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“So, I’ve been dating but I’m not really looking for another Jessica.”
I squeezed his hand. “I want to talk to you until the sun comes up. I have this great place out on the coast if you want to take a drive. But, I have a favor to ask before we head out.”
I saw him smile and look at me. This might have been Lily’s plan, but sometimes things don’t always go the way you plan them. I didn’t know this beautiful man, but he seemed like a nice guy.
When I was eighteen and met Lily, I sensed something special and acted on it. And now, we were standing here on the patio under the stars and I felt good about myself. I realized I didn’t need a plan but just to go with the flow.
“Tell me, William. How are you at building fires? Tonight, I want to burn my house down.”
He shrugged. “That’s the wildest pickup line I’ve ever heard. I know you’re crazy rich but I didn’t see you as insane. I guess if it’s your house, you can burn it down if you want to. But along the way, I need to ask you what your plans on for thirty percent of our company.”
finis