This is a continued story of Lucas' life and his experiences as Laura. They are from different times in his life.
I did have another time as a flower girl after the one I wrote about. It confirmed my enjoyment in being with older girls, young women, and adults who gave me attention.

I have also enjoyed several Halloweens Trick or Treat nights as Laura. Usually, it is only once or twice times a year that I am used by my mother to wear a dress or outfit that she is making or in some cases alterations. I was thirteen and in the second half of seventh grade, when she was doing alterations so my classmate Tiffany Newcomb could have a nice dress.

I didn’t know Tiffany well, but I knew earlier in this year she was showing a remarkable change where her life was getting better. That was despite experiencing tough times in the life of her family. The previous two years, she had been having a hard time in school and showing signs of stress in her life. I hadn’t known about it as she and I were not close or in much together.

I heard she had become a loner, and that her grades had dropped though she was still passing her subjects. My mom now tells me her mother is battling cancer, and while her mother is getting better it has left her weak and unable to do all the things she’d like to do, especially with her daughters.

Mom said, Tiffany now had the help of a group in a program called G-Power. When I said that I never heard of it my mom giggled. “It is not likely you would have; it’s supported by a non-profit group of professional women for empowering girls. It often works behind the scenes to help potentially troubled girls.”

“She was to be going to a special girls’ weekend during spring break, but she might not be able to go because her mother could not fully participate without endangering her health, nor afford a nice dress.” Mom paused and was now staring at me, wondering if she should tell me more.

I spoke up, “You have an idea that might help her and her mom and it would involve me, haven’t you?” Mom had recently been doing alterations on a pretty dress that I had modeled as she made the changes. “It involves that special dress you’ve been working on, doesn't it? And last night you said it might have been for naught.” I paused, “Does your plan involve me wearing that dress?”

My mother smiled, “No, but you’re close. The dress would be for Tiffany. Your help would be as a friend on the weekend; so that her mother Barb Newcomb could take part in the special mother-daughter times.”

“But you said it’s for girls,” I said.

Mother said, “One of her close and trusted girlfriends could go and participate in some of the times while her mother rested to participate during other times. But her mother just called and told me none of her trusted girlfriends could do it.”

She said to me, “I didn’t want to ask you and I haven’t told the Newcomb’s about you, so you’re not under pressure where you can’t say ‘no’.”

“I’d have to pretend to be a girl from Friday evening to Sunday at noon,” I asked?

Mother said, “Something like that but you’d need to do it from Thursday evening through Sunday at 2:30 p.m. And you’d need to be Laura this weekend at their house so they were confident that it could work.”

I smiled, “You knew since I first tried on the dress that I wanted to do something as Laura, but that was on a smaller scale and more fun for me.” I asked, “What am I to do when Tiffany gets to dress up and does the fun things with her mother?”

Mother said, “You can read, play e-games, and rest from your other activities. They will have a suite with a pull-out bed for your privacy.”

I asked, “Can I go over to the Newcomb’s and talk to Tiffany? We are not exactly close friends and I’d need to be comfortable about it as well as she would?”

The next day at school, we were in our second-period class when I felt Tiffany staring at me. When it came time to move to the next class; Tiffany approached me, “Can we eat alone at lunch; I hear there is a way you could help me, but I can’t believe it?”

I had done something this morning that might help her to believe that I could pull it off.

We met as we went to get our food and sat at a table away from others. I said, “This isn’t something every seventh-grade boy is proud of, but helping my mom I’ve learned to enjoy it and pull it off well.”

Tiff said, “I don’t mean to offend you but talk is cheap.”

I asked, “Did you notice the difference between my left hand and right hand or my shoes?” I had manicured my left hand and use a clear pink polish on it. And I had worn a pair of girl hiking shoes.

She looked, noticed the differences, and smiled. I said, “I’m not bragging, but my mother is taking an outfit that I can change into over to your house after school.”

Tiff said, “I don’t mean to be ungrateful or hard to convince, but I’ll need that demonstration maybe more.”

She and I talked, and I was more and more certain that we could spend a weekend together as friends.

I was walking to my next class when Melanie another classmate came over to me. She said, “I didn’t know you and Tiffany were such good friends.”

I was going to say, ‘we weren’t’ then I caught myself. “I’m not as close as some, but we enjoy getting together now and then.”

Melanie said, “I’m glad she is handling things better again. She’s had so many challenges with her mom’s illness and her dad being such a louse. Can you confirm for me if she did suffer from depression?”

I said, “Even if it were true, I wouldn’t confirm something like that. I do agree with you she is handling things probably better than I could.” I asked Melanie, “How well do you know her?”

She said, “Tiffany and I were good friends last year, but I backed away after her father got angry and focused his anger on me. If she's making new friends, maybe I should get back as a friend.”

My friend Jeff comes along and jokes, “Lucas what’s up you ate lunch with Tiffany and are now talking to Melanie. I didn’t know the girls liked you this much.”

That was a joke in itself; Jeff was a basketball player and a better student than me. I replied, “I’m getting a little taste of being popular like you.” Jeff and I were friends, but I couldn’t say we were that close. Melanie and Jeff walked to one class as I went to a different class.

I was in social studies for my last class, when I realized for the first time Tiffany was in the same class. History and geography are two things I’m good at. Upon leaving the class, Tiffany walked up to me and said, “Maybe I can say you’re my tutor in social studies. The teacher knows I could use it.”

She asked, “Would you mind if my Aunt Jeanne gives us a ride to my house?”

I knew in my head, I might go to her house and transform to be Laura once again, but doing it was another thing. I was four and then six when I acted as a flower girl. This would be the first time I did it with a friend knowing who I was. I was excited to do it again, but I was even more nervous.

I met her at the south side of the school, where she was usually given a ride by someone. Her home was about a mile away in another direction from mine. Jeanne must be her mother’s sister as I could see the resemblance right off.

Aunt Jeanne was upfront, “It is nice to meet you Lucas, and I can see you have your mother’s fine features. I was even at one of the weddings where you were said to be the Flowergirl. But I will have to be made a believer that you could pass as a girl nowadays.”

I responded, “No one needs to believe me; you can take me to my home and no proof is needed.”

She lightly laughed, “I’m glad you have a sense of humor, and I confess my gratitude for you and your mother trying to help us. The Lord knows Tiffany could use a break going her way for a change.”

We’re soon to Tiffany’s home and her sister Michele was home from high school before us. She had already changed and excused herself abruptly as she walked out the door. I joked, “I guess she doesn’t believe I can do this either.”

Aunt Jeanne spoke up as Tiffany went up to her bedroom to change. “Michele doesn’t know yet what is happening. She’s just bent out of shape because she thinks her mom and Tiffany get all of the attention.”

It is after 3:30 when the doorbell rings and Jeanne answers the door. She and Tiffany were both walking to get to the door. The door opens and I first hear my mother’s voice. Then Tiffany responds to the dress mom has altered for her. That Tiffany is pleased, is an understatement.

The other clothes she brought with her were shrouded by plastic coverings. Tiffany asks, “Did you bring all the clothes and things that Lucas is going to need for his transformation?”

Mom answered Tiff’s question with a question, “How did you like him as Taylor Swift at last year’s Halloween Dance?”

Tiff asks, “You’re telling me that was Lucas?” Tiffany takes a double look at me and I know she’s trying to remember both Taylor Swift and last year’s Halloween dance. “That was a girl, I heard her and it was a girl.”

Aunt Jeanne asked Tiffany, “Do you want him to use your room or your mother’s room to change?”

Tiff replied, “Mom said, he’s to use my room because she will be home soon.” Tiff looked to my mother and said, “He won’t be using any of my underthings will he?”

My mother lifted what she had and assured Tiffany that she had everything, including a camisole for under the blouse.

I had been out of the conversation a little and walked quietly to Tiffany’s room. I said, “The fragrance of being around girls/women are coming back to me.”

Mother said to me, “Change clothes and I’ll do your makeup.” Regularly I would shower before changing, but not here at someone else’s house. I had showered at home when I got up and my mother agreed that I had no hair to shave from my legs or face. I enjoy the idea of dressing up as a girl, but I don’t yet know how to do makeup or more importantly a more feminine ponytail.

Mother joked, “You will probably learn more things about being a girl this weekend. But you and I will need to practice a lot more beforehand if Tiff agrees to you going with them.”

Mom said, “This isn’t like being a little Flowergirl with someone watching out for you.”

I shook my head wondering about what I was doing. My mother nudged me to focus on what I was doing. My privates were hidden away, and I could use the toilet like a girl if needed. My Mom had brought the shorter of two skirts, this one was a glistening blue skirt. Mom insisted I wear a white camisole under my multi-colored print blouse. A hint of the lace camisole showed at the top of the blouse. I tried to hide it, but I was stopped by my mother. “That little lace is an affirmation of you being a maturing girl.”

Mother had changed the style of my hair and was now finishing my makeup. My Mom said, “We’ve done enough it is now for you to show yourself to truly be Laura. If Tiff would want more she can do your nails, glitter you with jewelry, or add a fragrance of her choice.” Mom called downstairs, announcing we were coming down.

Jeanne called up, “There are Tiff’s shoes and two pairs of Michele’s shoes in her room.” Mom had brought a pair of shoes with her that I wore at Halloween. She and I both spotted two pairs of shoes with two or two-and-a-half-inch heels. The cute pair of heels that caught my eyes were pink with light blue detailing. I tried them on and they fit perfectly.

We heard another person enter the house as we made our way to the top of the stairs. Mrs. Newcomb stood there looking up and smiling that she made it in time to see me as Laura. Between a short skirt and heels, I was nervous as I gingerly stepped down the stairs while lightly touching the railing.

Tiffany’s expression was priceless, “O my he’s, he’ makes an attractive girl.” She turned to my mother, “O my, you swear that is your son?”

She turned to her mother, “If we’re going out to eat as you said, this outfit would be darling.”

I echoed her, but in a different tone, I was surprised and scared, “Go out to eat like this? No, no! I’m not ready for that.”

Tiffany turned to me, “But I agree with my mom that would help us to know if it could work or not.”

My mom said, “'In for a penny, in for a pound.' You might as well; you’ve practiced with your voice?”

Tiffany urged me to say what I said, with a girl’s voice. I relaxed as Laura, composed myself, and said, “No, no! I can’t do that I’m not ready.”

Tiff came over to me and spread out her arms to hug me. “I can’t believe this, but I’m tickled to death. I couldn’t find anybody to go, I was going to miss out on the special weekend and my mother/daughter time.”

We agreed to go to a familiar restaurant that was out of town but not too far away.

Mrs. Newcomb called her daughter Michele to come home and they quickly patched things with Michele. Michele returned home and was delighted to see me dressed as Laura.

My father was called to come with us, but my father declined.

Michele had asked if my sister Rachel had done some things like me helping my mom. Rachel is eight years older than me and is away at college. She’s three years older than Michele. Michele said, “You know if Lucas looked more like his father; he probably wouldn’t be in this predicament?”

Mom acknowledged, “That’s probably true, but then again he wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t willing to help.” It was awkward to admit it, but it was something my mother and I agreed to, “I’d never be forced into this position.”

I said, “It is like playing an anime character to me, but this is pretending to be a girl for real. I’ve been to Anime events but this being three days and 24/7 will be different.

It was true that I wasn’t expecting to go out as Laura tonight, but as long as I was willing it was probably better this way.

We were at the restaurant and gave our orders to the waitress when I saw Michele give a wink to Tiffany. I knew they were planning something to test me. Tiffany got up and announced, “Michele and I are going to the women’s room and Laura should come with us.”

I looked around the table and asked, “Is this being suggested by everyone?” When my mother and Mrs. Newcomb indicated ‘no’. I said, “For Tiffany and Michele, I will do it.”

It was kind of cute as the three of us sort of giggle as a woman was coming out as we were ready to walk into the restroom…

The Seamstress’ Model to be continued…

Despite having fun at the restaurant, including being able to go into the women’s restroom; I’m told it’s a long shot that I’d be able to go to their special weekend with Tiffany and her mom. Part of me wished they just called it off then. I didn’t want to waste my time and chance embarrassment if it wasn’t going to happen.

But as we parted ways that night, I did agree to be Laura and go to their house for the weekend. I must admit, I kind of like being a girlfriend of Tiffany’s. The next day after school and mom got home from work. I went with my mother to Kohl’s to get a new outfit for Laura for the weekend. We bought two outfits, but I didn’t get to wear the designer jeans and ruffled top that much. My mother bought me a reversible skirt with a print pattern with a hem and waistband made of the same solid red linen material that made up the skirt on the other side. I was sure no one would recognize me as Lucas whenever I wore either one. They came to the top of my knees.

I wore that skirt once after school the next two days as well as two old dresses that my mother had kept of Rachel’s. Both Wednesday and Thursday afternoons I practiced changing outfits, combing my hair, and using makeup. It was 5:30 Wednesday that my mother came home saw me on my own. “Oh, Laura, I love your outfit and how you’ve done your hair.” Mother paused.

I said, “Aren’t you going to compliment me on my makeup?” An amused expression came to her face. “Please, don’t tell me you don’t like it?”

She said, “It is no different than I told Rachel when she started to use makeup. Less is better, plus you, like her, already have a pretty complexion. You have used too much makeup and it doesn’t look natural.” She said, “Do you remember the time we saw our neighbor down the street at the store and you said that she looked silly?”

“Mommy, she looked like a happy clown, you’re not saying that’s how I look?” When mom paused. I ran away from her and up to my room crying. My mother, when she came up to speak to me, even remarked how my crying face in my pillow stained the pillowcase. I cried and said again, “I wasn’t going to do it!”

My mother called my father and suggested he go out to dinner and come home later.

She told me, “After we practice and you do it properly; then you can decide if you’re not going to do it.”

I knew it wasn’t acceptable to just quit, but I was also sure I wouldn’t like it after I learned what she was going to teach me.

My mother ordered Chinese and she helped me to clean off my makeup. I used the concealer in two places on my face before my mother asked me to smooth three dots of foundation over my face. That was the last time I saw my face in the mirror until my mother finished the makeup.

I could have sworn she couldn’t have finished by when she allowed me to look in the mirror again. I saw the girl in the mirror and it was like magic and I saw Laura at thirteen. “How did you do that? You didn’t do that much.”

The doorbell rang and our dinner was there. I had garlic chicken with pea pods, bean sprouts, and rice. Mom giggled as I was done. I had eaten only half of my food because I was now anxious to try doing my makeup with my mother’s help. My effort was much better than I had done before, but with my mother’s permission, I removed my makeup and tried one more time tonight.

I had stripped down to my panty and bra and started with a new outfit. I asked my mother to help me change my hairstyle as well. I chose a pale peach skirt with a cream blouse with flowers. It had a mock neck and long sleeves. Mother was very pleased with my choices and gave me bangs that swept down over my forehead and eyebrows. My hair was long around the sides and curled underneath. My makeup was light with a peach lipstick that was a shade lighter than the blush that went with it. I had found a pair of round hoop bracelets that I wore on my left wrist. There was a gold hoop necklace with a blue heart encased in gold.

My eyeshadow matched my lips with a sunglow look above it. I used mascara but was afraid to use the eyeliner as I wanted. Mom gave me a cautious hug, not wanting to hurt my look until she took pictures.

“Laura, I am surprised by how much you’ve improved just this evening.” Mom heard my father drive up as we hugged and encouraged me to stay as I am.

When my father came in and saw us; I knew he was quite surprised about how well I looked like a girl. I am not sure he was pleased, but he said so, “My Laura, your mother said you were practicing to look like a girl for this weekend. You and your mother must have worked hard because you already look very nice.”

“Thanks, Daddy!” I said, “I even picked out this outfit from Rachel’s old clothes. Momma had washed and sorted them out. Doesn’t it make a nice outfit for me?”

“Lucas, are you asking me for a compliment on how you look as a girl,” he asked?

I kept Laura’s voice, “Of course Dad, you know what mother and I have agreed to do for Tiffany Newcomb and her mother. You wouldn’t want me looking like a dorky boy in girl’s clothes would you?”

Dad chuckled, “Well, you put it that way, I guess not. Yes, Laura makes a cute thirteen-year-old.”

I showered, made sure all of my makeup was off, and my hair was back to normal for me as Lucas. Mom waited until I was ready to go to bed, and then she came and showed me how to moisturize my face. “Lucas, with all the makeup changes today, moisturizing your face is important, and you will need to do it again this weekend.”

“Mother,” I said, “if I knew all that this would require me to learn; I might not have been willing to do so.”

Mother replied, “That’s because it would be overwhelming to learn it all at once. But you’ve already had practice being a girl, and it’s not all brand new to you. You are just becoming more responsible for taking care of yourself. You looked like you were enjoying it once you understand what you were doing. Did you, or was I wrong?”

She was right, and she quietly paused long enough to get me to answer. “Yes, If I can do this I will be very pleased. I like being Laura sometimes.” I was in my pajamas like Lucas, but it was as Laura that I dreamt tonight.

Practicing after school on Thursday made me all the more comfortable going to Tiffany’s this weekend. Friday morning, Mom asked, “Do you have all of Laura’s things packed for the weekend?” That was when I found out that I was mistaken with the idea that the weekend started tomorrow.

Mom asked, “Why did you think I had all those changes of clothes out for you? You may need a second outfit yet tonight.”

I remarked, “I am glad, this was straightened out before I went to school, in case Tiffany said something.”

I know I went to school, and that I did okay, but I can’t say that my mind was really there. I showered and changed into my outfit with the print skirt. I wore my cream sweater blouse.

Mom was home and helped me pack my clothes and accessories. It was my understanding that my mom and Tiffany’s mother had talked at least twice today. I’m thirteen years old and I know how to take care of myself, but the way girls do things is quite a change.

I showered and changed my outfit to start completely fresh. It wasn’t something Lucas would have done, but Laura knew better.

Rachel was coming home for the weekend, but I knew she wouldn’t be home before I left for Tiffany’s. I took a selfie and made a note with the picture I sent to her. Despite our age differences, we were still close and she was my big sister no matter how I dressed.

It was five-thirty when my mother drove me to the Newcombs. Mrs. Newcomb apologized for being tired as she had worked a six-hour day today. It gave me a better appreciation of why what I was doing was helpful. Tiffany bounced with excitement upon seeing. She was dressed in jeans and a pink print top that was snug and showed that she was in shape and looked feminine.

“Oh, Laura you look great. I bet there is no way that Grandma Morgan will be able to tell you’re anything but all girl.” I sighed, ‘Grandma, was I to be tested again that I pass as a girl?

Michele said, “Grandma Morgan is worried that there isn’t anyone going with them for that weekend and that it will end up being a setback for her daughter. Our Grandmother is a nurse and is especially careful when it comes to our family. She is the one who contacted the professional women’s group, Today’s Women of Polk County, to sponsor Tiffany.”

I spoke up, “I just hope everything is not going to be a test and that Tiffany and I can get to becoming familiar friends.” Everyone seemed to understand and gave me hugs to welcome me.

Mrs. Newcomb said, “Tonight you’ll sleep in the guest room but tomorrow night you and Tiffany will act as though you’re having a pajama party. You’ll be able to stay up until 3:00 a.m., but you’ll also need to get some sleep.”

Tiffany led me upstairs where I was to leave my luggage and hang a dress that I had brought with me. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to follow her running down the stairs and outside and into a playhouse. “My grandfather Morgan made this playhouse for my sister and me.” There were two chairs and she had me sit in one. “I’d rather of had one built in the tree, but grandfather didn’t think that was good for girls. My mother can often tell when Michele or I is upset because that’s when we tend to come out here to be alone. My mother also knows that if I bring someone out here I feel good about them and me.”

I smiled, “So that means we can be friends?”

A smile came to Tiffany’s face as she was look down. She asked me, “Would it be okay if I painted your nails before we go to my grandparents?” I wasn’t fully surprised as my mother indicated it was something she might do.

We went back into the house and I was going to say goodbye to my mother, but she had already left. Tiffany was told if she was going to do my nails it better be right away.

I was surprised when she got out a full manicure kit and started to work on my fingers. She pushed back some cuticles, trimmed, and filed my nails to round them off. I spoke up, “Aren’t we to hurry up and just get them painted?”

Tiffany said, “No, my mother wants me to do it right just not to dilly dally while I’m doing them.” She remarked, “You have pretty hands and nice slender fingers for a boy.”

I pulled back, “My hands aren’t pretty, I play the regular games boys do and get rough with them.”

Michele had heard me complain; she came to where we were and said, “She doesn’t mean it to be derogatory. It is just like we said the other day, it is good that your features take after your mom’s… I have thicker eyebrows like my father. All it means is that I have to treat them differently than Tiffany does with hers. No two girls are the same, neither are Lucas and Laura. Even some things that are the same can be seen differently; I suspect that Lucas rarely wears nail polish.”

I relax my hand as Tiffany holds my left hand again. She finishes using the emery board around the edges of my nails and begins to paint them what she calls a dark cherry red. We hurry to the guest room that I’m to sleep n tonight and she picks out a silvery gray skirt with a bright print top. I hadn’t seen it before, but Tiffany insists it must have been Rachel’s. There is a dark red in it that goes with my nails. “Hurry,” she says, “we should be going downstairs and ready to leave.”

Once we are down there, her mother asks, “Since you did her nails up so pretty, don’t you have a lipstick that goes with it?”

Tiffany in frustration says, “Mother, you know I do, but it’s my new lipstick.”

Michele said, “Have her use your lipstick and you can use mine until the mother can get you a new lipstick.” Tiff looked at her mother, but said to me, “Here Laura use this.”

The four of us were soon going to their Grandparents the Morgans. I was reminded in our drive over to their house that the grandparents didn’t and weren’t to know I was a boy. Mr. Henry Morgan is a carpenter and I was impressed with how strong and healthy he looked. Mrs. Marguerite Morgan was ready with two aprons. I thought they were both for her granddaughters, but along with Tiffany she put the second apron on me, and asked, “Are you willing to help me in the kitchen?”

She brought the ties of the apron around me and asked if I could tie it in the front into a nice bow. She had made lasagna for supper and asked me to separate the slices of garlic bread and to put them into two baskets. And asked Tiffany to put the bowls around for salad. I followed Tiffany back into the kitchen and showed me where the paper napkins were. I put them next to the silverware while Tiffany was filling glasses with water.

I wasn’t used to wearing nice clothes when I ate lasagna so I put two napkins in what was to be my spot. Mr. Morgan was tickled that I chose to put one napkin in my lap and the other tucked in at the top of my blouse. He found a second napkin and chose to do the same in his lap and the top of his shirt.

The dinner went well and the only reaction to Laura by the Morgans was to thank Laura for helping Tiffany and welcoming me back anytime. The grandma even hugged me as we left, “You are such a dear young woman doing this. I believe this will help Tiffany to continue to get well and back to her full self.”

Saturday morning Tiffany was up early and to my surprise dressed as a cheerleader. She even had a small outfit that I, Laura, was to wear as we did cheer exercises, such as tumbling, cartwheels, high leg kicks, and a lot of jumping, arm-waving, and saying cheers in unison. I had heard and seen much of it at school, but this was the first time I was ever involved.

Needless to say, Tiffany had a lot of fun retraining Laura. I as Lucas might have already been thin and nimble, but I wasn’t very coordinated, and learning routines came about only with concentrated effort. Tumbling and cartwheels were the first to come. Learning cheers, keeping a girl's voice and coordinating my movements, and cheering started to come together by 11:00 a.m.

The salad lunch with tofu, greens, and chicken wasn’t what I had hoped for, but I took pride as I and my friend Tiffany enjoyed our time together.

I showered and noticed both how fresh I smelled afterward and I enjoyed my need for Tiffany’s help to style my hair. Once dressed, I did not recognize myself when I put on a coat and held a purse to go shopping.

Mrs. Newcomb announced that her parents had given her money to buy Tiffany and Laura two new outfits. My response was, “I don’t think I even need one outfit.”

Tiffany giggled, “No girl should think like that just be appreciative.” I paused, thought, and then said ‘Thanks.’

We were at a clothing boutique for teen girls, when we heard Melanie’s voice saying, “Hi Tiffany, it is so nice to see you out shopping, and who is your friend?”

I stepped back but Tiffany took my hand so I couldn’t get far. “This is Laura, she and I as shopping for a special weekend during school break,” Melanie said hello and did not recognize me. Melanie talked about how she missed their friendship and hoped to get back together.

Tiffany smiled and was glad to hear about their friendship, and encouraged that they get together at school. Melanie stayed to help Tiffany and me each pick our skirts and blouses. I was worried all the time that Melanie would eventually recognize me as Lucas.

When it came time for Melanie to go, she asked Tiffany, “Are you and your friend Laura likely to be at the dance tonight at the VFW?” I held my breath and prayed not.

Tiff said, “I’m not sure but I don’t think so.” I relaxed and took a breath.

We went to Macy’s where we each bought a pair of leggings and I bought a knit dress to go over mine. We were ready to leave when I was invited by a cosmetician to get a makeover. I was not going to, but Tiff and Mrs. Newcomb both insisted I have it done.

I didn’t have any makeup and my mother had given me an extra forty dollars expecting some occasion to come up. When Audra, the cosmetician, did so well in making up my face and explaining things she asked, “So are there some things you’d like to buy?” I announced about having the forty dollars.

She said, “Well the foundation, makeup, lipstick, and eyeshadow cost more than that. But if you promise to come back here to buy some of your makeup. I will include the mascara, eye pencil, moisturizer, and makeup bag. That is in appreciation of you being such a fine model.” The small group of people who had been watching us applauded.

Mrs. Newcomb volunteered to pay for what I wanted, but I insisted that she allowed me to pay for it.

Tonight for dinner, Mrs. Newcomb baked some fish, which was not to my liking, but I ate it, the rice, and asparagus. I was surprised that I enjoyed the whole meal. I did use some tartar sauce for the first few bites of fish.

I later called my mother and told her what we had for dinner. She credited it to my tastes maturing and willingly tried it.

When Tiffany and Michele talked about going to church in the morning, Mrs. Newcomb mentioned that I wasn’t going. I was pleased with that in fear someone would recognize me.

Mrs. Newcomb took me aside asking, “You know Rosemarie Towers and that she and Jenn Myers are meeting with you tomorrow morning in regards to the weekend getaway?”

I thought back, ‘My mother had mentioned Rosemarie our neighbor down the block the previous week and someone named Jenn. But I wasn’t listening to her.’ “My mother mentioned something but I didn’t think it had to do with me. I helped my mother with an outfit for a daughter of hers. Does she know I’m acting like a girl for that weekend? What does she have to do with it?”

Mrs. Newcomb said, “Rosemarie Towers and Ms. Myers are members of the professional women’s group. Ms. Myers believes you are transgender, though she told me that was for you to acknowledge if you were going to… I’m sorry, this must be overwhelming.”

I sat down and I’m ready to cry, Barbara Newcomb takes hold of my right hand. She begins to apologize, but I say, “No, it was I who wasn’t listening to my mother when she talked about this. I guess one might say I’m transgender. I know I can trust Rosemarie, I mean Mrs. Towers.”

“My Mom has told me many times that I’m going to get caught tuning her and others out.” I look up to Mrs. Newcomb, “I hope it doesn’t freak you out that I’m what Ms. Myers says?”

She smiled, “Actually, all the way through last night and today, you have given me a sense of peace about it. It’s just now, I don’t want to be asking too much of you…”

The Seamstress’ Model to be continued…

Previously: Mrs. Newcomb said, “Rosemarie Towers and Ms. Myers are members of the professional women’s group. Ms. Myers believes you are transgender, though she told me that was for you to acknowledge if you were going to… I’m sorry, this must be overwhelming…, but I say, “No, it was I who wasn’t listening to my mother when she talked about this. I guess one might say I’m transgender. I know I can trust Rosemarie, I mean Mrs. Towers.” …She smiled, “Actually, all the way through last night and today, you have given me a sense of peace about it. It’s just now, I don’t want to be asking too much of you…”

The Newcombs left for their church in just enough time to be there for 9:00 Mass.

Mrs. Towers had called to say that she and Ms. Jenn Myers were coming together and would be there by 8:30 if it weren’t a problem. The only trouble was Laura was getting more anxious by the minute. She asked Mrs. Newcomb, “Do you think I look okay in this skirt and cream sweater blouse?”

“You look very nice, the hem and waistband of your skirt are accented by your nails and lipstick,” said Mrs. Newcomb.

Tiffany giggled, “She did well in being conservative with her lipstick. I do thank you for all that you’re doing for me.”

The doorbell rang, catching us by surprise as they did not hear anyone drive up. Michele Newcomb answered the door and welcomed in Mrs. Towers and Ms. Myers. It was comforting in a way when Rosemarie Towers raise her arms to greet Laura with a hug, “Oh my, Laura, look at you. I have been looking forward to a time like this, but this was unexpected.”

Rosemarie continued, “I hope you don’t mind, but I told Jenn Myers about this side of you. I knew it was an unusual request, but you wanting to be there for Tiffany is normal to my way of thinking.”

Ms. Myers introduced herself to everyone, stating that she was a counseling therapist and a member of the Professional Women of Polk County.

The Newcombs left and I was to host the morning offering Mrs. Newcomb’s homemade cinnamon rolls and tea or water. I took a roll, but only sipped on the tea as we met. We were well into the visit before Ms. Myers commented, “You mentioned that you have modeled outfits for your mother, that you have even been a girl for Halloween, and even dressed as a girl, but I’ve not heard you ever comment whether you see yourself as transgender or not?”

I said, “Michele Newcomb asked something similar earlier this week. I guess I never felt a reason before to acknowledge that I am. I usually see myself as Lucas just dressing up as Laura. I guess for you and the special daughter/mother weekend it is important that I do.”

“I know it’s not your concern, but as my mother told me, I’ll probably more than many of the others learn about being a young woman in today’s world. I am very comfortable just being Laura part-time.”

I was embarrassed when they asked about puberty and whether I’d noticed changes. I hadn’t thought about it much other than when others notice I haven’t changed yet. I have one cousin who’s eighteen and he’s already tired of others telling him to shave. People make fun of him for having irregular facial hair. He said, his older brother is hassled by a girlfriend when his whiskers rub her the wrong way. I said, “I don’t look forward to problems like that or my voice changing.”

I was told about some of the sessions appropriate to Tiffany’s and girls our ages. The other transgender girls and I will hear discussions about birth control and having sexual relationships. Though I might receive a packet of birth-control pills I am warned against taking them as they would interfere with puberty. Experiences such as ear piercings, buying a bra, or a new set of clothes is to be part of talking about image and what might or might not be appropriate.

Rosemarie asked me, “Would you have any problem in approaching Ms. Myers if you have any trouble during the weekend?” My response was no. It was mentioned that the group would be told there would be transgender girls as part of the weekend. It would be known that the transgender girls would not be using common showers with other girls. Out of the thirty-tw0 girls and young women attending they expect at least fourteen of us would not use public shower facilities.

I asked, “You’re saying there will be two transgender girls attending the weekend, does that mean you are approving or expect my approval to attend?”

Jenn said, “We were to have asked for a moment to meet together if we had a problem with you attending. Besides suggesting that you get counseling, I am glad you accept yourself to be transgender. I do hope you’ll be open to all that may mean for you in the years ahead.”

“Thank you, both of you,” I said. “Ms. Myers, I don’t know what kind of insurance my folks have, but do you counsel teens like me?”

I hadn’t thought of it, but Ms. Myers said, “Most student insurance programs of schools cover counselling visits. I am sure that is true for your school.”

We were casually visiting with one another when the Newcombs came back from church. Rosemarie said, “We wanted to stay long enough to tell you personally that Laura is approved to participate in the weekend. The group will look forward to the three of you attending.”

Michele joked about being left out again, and Jenn Myers pick up on her hurt feelings. Jenn responded, “If you would ever like to visit about what it feels like in your shoes? You are welcome to set up an appointment with me. You present this card and it will be my gift to you as long as helpful.”

Things relaxed and our guests were there another half hour.

Another half-hour passed and we were getting ready for Sunday dinner when the doorbell rang and Michele welcomed in my sister Rachel. Rachel started to say hello to me, “Hello Scout…” but stopped, and started again, “Scout doesn’t seem appropriate anymore. Congratulations, Laura, you don’t seem to be in costume, but more like a regular girl.”

She asked, and I said yes that the skirt outfit is mine. She asked about my makeup and hair. I took credit for a good part of my makeup and that I can take care of my hair once it is finished. She had a light laugh and encouraged me to relax.

We ate dinner there and later Rachel and I took a long way home. Rachel needed to head back to her university, but she took time to establish our relationship as sisters. “There’s questions and things you might want to talk to me about as sisters that have never been part of our relationship before. You are welcome to call me and talk. There is even a sister’s weekend coming up at college that you’re invited to attend as Laura.”

Once we get home Rachel came with me to my room and pointed to my calendar and asked me to ‘X’ out the next three days on my calendar. She had me count out four weeks and then mark three Xs. Start thinking like other girls and know every so often a girl has her monthly visitor.

She went to her room and started to change when she realized I followed her into the room. She said, “The least you could do was to shut the door as I tried to do. You should have knocked and asked permission. You are not regularly welcomed in here when I’m changing. Go ahead and sit down and we’ll visit as sisters. If you can’t do that go and leave now.” I had already sat down, and while I was a little embarrassed I stayed.

After my sister left for the university, I began to change from Laura to Lucas. My mother helped me with removing my makeup and moisturizing my face. I was back dressed as Lucas; I visited with both of my parents telling them about my weekend.

My father seemed a little surprised that I acknowledged I was transgender. He and Mom both thought my counseling with Ms. Myers was a good idea. My father didn’t want any possibility of my counseling to be on my school records; he said my counseling would come under our insurance.

I am back to being my regular self at school, but there is a change as Tiffany and Melanie become friends. I am making new friends mostly girls. Thursday, I am approached from behind by Melanie who asks, “Laura would you like to go out tonight with Tiffany and me, wearing the outfit you bought when you were shopping?”

I spoke with Lucas’ voice, but asked, “Can I trust you not to tell others?” With that, I turned around.

Melanie said, “If you’re the one helping Tiffany to have her weekend, yes.”

“I told you before that there are things about others that I don’t talk about,” I said. Melanie took a step closer and hugged me. Nothing more was said, but we both had an understanding.

She did ask, “Will I get to see, who was it, Laura? You make a good-looking girl, someone I’d also like as a friend.”

Melanie reached out to me, Tiffany was now there and she began to cry thinking her weekend was ruined. “I am not trying to ruin whatever you’re doing. I just want to be in on it.”

It was agreed by the three of us that we will go to Tiffany’s after school with Melanie giving Tiff and me a ride to her house. Tiffany acknowledged that she had one of Laura’s outfits. Tiffany talked to Melanie about the extended weekend she would have with her mother coming up. They talked as I made my change over.

Melanie was pleased as she saw again the girl, she had seen shopping with Tiffany. Melanie soon asked, “If I pay for the movie tickets would you two prefer going tomorrow night or Saturday night?”

I said, “If I can get permission, either night would work for me.”

Tiffany said, “Either night could work, but my mother will prefer that I give her a little notice, so Saturday is preferable.”

Thursday night after supper, I got a call from Tiffany. “My mother was wondering if the three of us went to the movies Saturday, whether we’d want to spend the day together,” I asked my parents and somehow it made sense to everyone.

Friday, I found out that I had an appointment with Laura/Lucas to meet with Ms. Myers as my therapist this coming Tuesday.

Movie night out was nothing special except I was in the middle of girl talk.

My Tuesday appointment with Ms. Jennifer Myers, MSW, LISW, was more a formality and for her to be assured I was doing well leading into the weekend.

I was being allowed to miss school on Thursday, so that beginning Wednesday after school I could change and be used to being Laura. It was decided that I would use Strong as my last name, not Storm, for the weekend. I kind of liked that. I got to keep my initials and it allowed me to have my own identity.

Mrs. Newcomb came to give me a ride to her house Thursday at 1:00 p.m. She gave me a girl’s jacket as the forecast was for cool spring weather. When I said, “She shouldn’t have.”

She told me, “It’s from Rosemarie, she was afraid you or your mother would be embarrassed that a neighbor gave it to you.”

“I think, she heard that my father thought this was costing him too much money?” I said, “I hope he was just blowing off some frustration. It seems like this is a secret, but he knows more people are knowing about me. I didn’t plan on who I am. This just allows me to be this other part of me.”

Mrs. Newcomb gives me a hug, “My name is Barbara, please know I’m thankful and that I’m here for you.” The place for the weekend is like a major campground with many apartments. We have one of the few suites available to the program.

We wore slacks there but change into casual skirt outfits. My area is a sleeping area with a wall open to the common area. I was pulling up my skirt as my last piece of clothing as Tiffany entered the common area. She apologized, but remarked, “I’m sorry, but not fully, you could be my sister.”

The dinner was served smorgasbord style and we sat at round tables and got to meet others one small group at a time. After dinner, we moved to be with a different group for dessert, and then a third group this time in a circle.

Friday all ate breakfast together; Tiffany and her mother had the opening session together. I took part when young college women talked to us, young teens. Hanni Schaaf and Mari met with us; Bethany and nursing student Makenzie met with the older teens 16-18; Jenn and nurse Carson met with the pre-teens. I was surprised that most girls had identity issues and that these girls including me did not feel like we had any place to turn. We felt pressure on ourselves concerning boys and others to like us. Fortunately, we would meet again twice tomorrow.

In the next group, we met with others and our group to discover our colors and likable things about each of us. I was stated to be ‘warm and observant, with expressive eyes. Tiffany was surprised that others thought she was attractive, self-assured, with great sensitivity. Though I knew she didn’t think she was attractive or self-assured; I agree those first coming to know her could get those impressions. I don’t know if her sensitivity was already there or came from all that she had been through with her mother.

I got to meet with Tiffany and her mother at lunch after they already had time together. Someone had met with her mother; she felt responsible for Tiff’s stress and low-esteem. With my identity issues, I was able to sympathize with both. Talking through things and having those close knowing our concerns was helpful.

We didn’t see clocks but were sure lunchtime was later. An hour’s rest seemed like more. I was among the girls as we discussed sex, friendship, and romance. We each received a disc of pills. I was confronted with my assumption that the pill meant safe sex. I was not alone in that assumption.

Relationships and friendship were stressed more than trying to find romance or pressure to please someone. Half the group was withdrawn into themselves and another quarter of us had tainted self-images. The group that saw themselves as comfortable with themselves wasn’t who I would have expected. Seemingly outward appearance wasn’t as important as most perceived it to be. Like me, many felt they had secrets that would expose them to judgment.

Brianna, another girl in my group, raised concern that I wasn’t participating in everything. Did it raise the concern again if I truly saw myself as a girl? I chose to keep the weekend as it was slated to be, but I did get to talk with Jenn Myers and Hanni Schaaf during mother/daughter times. This was a big help to me in embracing my feminine side.

I enjoyed my budding friendship with Tiff as she was becoming more comfortable with herself. It is helpful that her mother’s health is progressing healthily. Tiff also had a time with me where she voiced her anger at her father. Jenn and Hanni helped me to understand that I was being helpful to Tiffany. “She is developing an important friendship/relationship with you. It will probably go beyond just your identity as Laura.”

Saturday concerns growing as an individual and one’s ability to decide how we developed relationships with others. The importance of continuing friendships with women as we matured was also talked about. It spoke to concerns of many about being identified as a lesbian but was more about the ability to keep friendships with those who were likely to understand us.

It spoke to my whole life, because many of my male friends and relations, including my father and others in the extended family, were closed off to understanding me. After several conversations and group discussions, I and others needed to accept where they were and not be held back by them.

This afternoon I was fitted for and purchased my first bra; which was capped off by selecting an evening dress for me. Some of the college women helped me to style my hair for an evening celebration. The younger girls went dancing from 4-6.

The social time for young and older teens included dinner and a dance. I, like Tiffany, was to introduce the boy I was partnered with to Mrs. Newcomb and gain her approval. I was partnered with Troy. He was a year older than me. He played soccer and also was in a band where he played the acoustical guitar and sang. He was a friend of Hadley who was paired with Tiffany.

I neither expected to be part of this time nor to like it, but both happened. And I liked it as a new experience. Troy was nice in asking at the end of the dance if he could kiss me; as Hadley was doing the same with Tiffany. I said yes, though I didn’t expect much of it. But it became the highlight of the discussion between Tiffany and me with her mother.

I credited it to the extent I went to for the evening. I was not used to wearing a bra, a fine dress, or looking nice with my makeup and hair. “Mrs. Newcomb, I was having all the things I dream about as a girl and found myself liking to be with Troy. I planned on none of it.”

Mrs. Newcomb was very much taken with Tiffany’s experiences of the day and evening as well. When asked about the high point of the day; Tiffany and I agreed it was our budding friendship. Both of us reiterated a statement that Mackenzie made about a friendship of a best friend contrasting to that of a lover. Mackenzie said she loved Carol as much as any man she might meet and marry and in some ways more precious.

Tiff whispered to me, “That might describe us.”

Mackenzie and I talked more as she knew I was bewildered by something after our third group session. She got me to confess that what they were saying made sense, but it was somehow strange to my way of thinking. She suggested that what I found strange might be why I find being female attractive. “You don’t have to be a woman to find relationships more fascinating and attractive. But guys are directed more often to think of ways of winning, competition, and goals as more important. Women may have goals but they are often like developing a career. Being first is shunned because they’ve been told to settle for less or sacrifice for the sake of another.”

Barbara Newcomb said, “That might be part of why you took such a big risk in being here this weekend?”

Mrs. Newcomb then shared with me that she, my parents, and Jenn Myers saw what I did not only as a sizable risk but something deep inside of me affirming my transgender personality.

I asked, “Might it be seen in that I did it as much for me as I did it for Tiffany?”

We were soon in a three-way hug, and Mrs. Newcomb said, “Exactly.”

I saw by Mrs. Newcomb’s watch that it was 11:00 p.m. I said, “I wished that I still had my phone, as it’s not too late to call my Mom.”

Tiffany knew her mother had her phone and tried to persuade her to let me call my mother. The longer we talked about it, the more I was sure that my Mom would be scared that a call this late was bad news. It also activated Tiffany’s and her mom’s fears about more openly talking about her mom’s health and not only Tiffany’s stress, but all of Tiffany’s changes. It was gross to me but Tiffany and her mother talked about her having periods before she was twelve as possibly being stress-driven.

When I mentioned a need to take a shower because as Laura I was feeling grungy. Tiffany spoke up, “You want to know feeling grungy; I should baptize you from my period.”

I said, “Gross, you wouldn’t”. And what ensued need not be explained suffice to say with both of us taking showers.

Breakfast in the morning was not only satisfying to eat but came with lively discussions around the various tables.

I was invited to the mother/daughter time but encouraged to let the others in our small groups talk more. Hurts, bonding, and new beginnings were a major part of the morning. Since it was Sunday, there was a worship service of sorts, but more prayers, readings, and singing, no sermon. There was a time of people write down sorrows and hurts that were offered as dying moments.

We had a break and then came back to hear from a special speaker. The talk around the break was that while the dying moments were special, everyone wanted to be sure that it wouldn’t end on a down moment.

Once back as a group, a Jewish woman was introduced. She said, “I am between the age of most of you moms and daughters. But like all of you, I have a power no man has and that is to give life! In my Hebrew language, the word is ‘l’chaim’. Will you say it out loud with me,” l’chaim! Again, l’chaim! Again louder, l’chaim!!”

She laughed, “Even if you’re having twins, giving life is something we do alone, one at a time.” We laugh. She says, “But it is also something hopefully we don’t do alone. Too often, women are doing things alone without someone encouraging, even just being with them. We, women, are expected to be good caregivers. But too often we feel uncared for, misunderstood. Moms and daughters are often seen in competition, even when we’re trying to make connections and express caring.”

“How many of you have seen the person you’re with this weekend in a new light? …How many of you here have thought of professional women as a resource or more than a social group? They brought you here to see an emerging part of women in society, and hopefully be of help to you.”

I can’t do justice to her inspiring talk, nor to the moments that followed. The only downside was after this mountain high experience; we were afraid going home was anticlimactic. But we had learned to speak with our moms and others. We were felt better about making friends and more than anything we felt better about ourselves…

The Seamstress’ Model to be continued…
…end to the story of being The Friend

My mother designed and made four prom dresses so far this year, the first she began on the fifteenth of January. The lavender and silver gown was the third one I modeled and the second for where I was identical to the person it was for. Technically, I was used as a mannequin on all of them as my mother had forms for me to wear to give me the needed size for hips, bust, and height of the wearer.

One girl that I was identical to was Sydney Towers, yes, Rosemarie’s daughter. Sydney is a senior and a cheerleader (captain) and as beautiful as one might expect. Sydney was eleven when I last played with her at her house. It was when her body began the changes it was deemed proper that I should no longer play dress-up with her. But it was last Halloween that I used her uniform to appear as a cheerleader and that Mrs. Towers selected my mother to make Sydney’s prom gown.

No girl wanted someone showing up in the same gown that’s where my mother often came into use. It was the same for wedding gowns, special dresses, as it was for prom gowns.

I knew who the other gowns were for and I had been pressing my mother to tell me who the lavender dress was for. I had seen a gown similar to this one but this one had a fuller skirt but the silver and white lace bodice were different. This gown was beautiful but not overdone like I thought of some others. Push as I might, my mother wouldn’t tell me who it was for.

I used Sunday afternoon for some Laura time. Sydney heard of it and she even allowed me to go out with her, Patti, and Lacey as we went to a movie. It wasn’t anything special but it did allow me to dress up a little.

Come Monday, was it a whiff of perfume, the way my nails were shaped, or a spot of makeup; I wasn’t sure but some upperclassmen were hassling me. I had been called a sissy boy, push around, and finally, I pushed back. Stephan, who was four inches taller and stronger, but was the last one who pushed me too far. I unloaded on him pushing back, yelling at him, what’s with hassling me?”

He retorted, “We don’t like a girly boy with our girls. We heard you were out with them!” Lacey was a friend of his.

“Did that threaten you?” I replied, “Are you afraid someone might thin your brow line or gloss up your pretty lips?” That was when the fight became more agitated. Stephan knocked me into his friend Nick and Nick turned and hit me with a punch and Cecil pushed me.

Andrew Staub came from nowhere and saved my butt as there were now three of them. Andrew, Drew, as I know him was a senior. He’s a friend of Sydney’s. They had done a lot together as a group of girls and boys together.

Between Drew and me, I got free and away from the day’s trouble. I thanked Drew for his help but didn’t stay around to talk to him.

It was two days later, our home phone rang even before I could tell my mom I was home. I guess I picked up the home phone just as my mother did, but she was the one who said hello. But I recognized Drew’s voice; I know I shouldn’t but I stayed on the phone. My Mom asked, “Drew did you ask him or tell him about the dress? Lucas loves the dress, and he is after me to tell him who it is for.”

Drew said, “He doesn’t even know I exist; I even saw him out with Sydney and her friends. It would work out great, I’m attracted to Laura and I think she’d love going to the prom.”

My Mom said, “You won’t know if you don’t ask and time is running out! I’m ready to tell Lucas that the person has backed out.”

Drew yelped, “Don’t, I’ll stop over at your house now and he and I can speak face to face.”

Mom said, “If he doesn’t hear from you, I’ll consider you still have cold feet and backed out.”

Drew hung up saying goodbye. Mom hung up. And then I did, and I opened the back door and yelled into the house as though I just got home.

I was upset learning it the way I did. I jumped in the shower to refresh myself and get some extra time to think. But nothing was clearer as I dried off and combed out my hair. I found myself braiding my hair so I decided to dress as Laura.

My mother knocked on my door, “Lucas, how was your day at school. And oh, by the way, someone might be stopping over.”

“Damn!” I said in Laura’s voice. I had not consciously decided to dress as I did.

Mother called in, “Are you dressing as Laura?” She too said something under her breath.

I was now getting angry at my mother, “How come you didn’t tell me about Drew and the gown?”

Mother said, “I’m sorry but who told you about them?”

I confessed to picking up the phone and hearing their conversation.

Mom told me, “Andrew Staub had called me and asked me about his idea and what I thought would make a pretty gown for you. That was some time back. Hearing from you what you thought would make a beautiful gown came in little dribbles over time. Plus Andrew has taken close to two months to work up the nerve to ask you. I felt foolish about saying something that seemed like it would never happen.”

“Mom, I’m not gay,” I said.

Mom said, “You said, like Laura, you are different from Lucas, that boys had some attraction. If that’s true you’d see Laura looking at it differently.”

I said, “But he defended me as another boy.”

With that, we heard someone drive up in the driveway. The person in the car went to the front door so we knew it was someone new. It was Drew, and mom asked him into the house. He took a seat and soon looked like a scared deer in the headlights, staring at both of us glaring at him, daring him to speak.

I finally asked, “Does Sydney know what you’re thinking of asking me?”

He eked out, “Yes, and maybe Patti.” Drew was freaking out.

I called Sydney and asked if she could come to my house. I told her that I was dressed as Laura and that Drew had come to my house to ask me something.

Sidney guessed, “You somehow know what he’s going to ask, don’t you?”

She was soon there and gasped when she saw me dressed as Laura. I needed to know I wasn’t going to be laughed at as a joke.

Sydney took me to the side, “You know if you do this, you might as well as come out as being transgender. Tiffany and at least one of her friends know; Patti, Lacey, and I know, and they’ll want to announce Drew’s date at the prom.”

We talked and I attentively agreed to go to the prom but suggested Drew and Laura publicly become friends between now and then. He’s planning to be an astrophysicist so one of our dates or times out would be at a planetarium. It was at my home that Drew said to me, “You know that I’m okay with people knowing that I like you like this.” I gave him what was to be a quick kiss, but he caught me in a hug. I liked that the kiss was more.

The prom would be a good six weeks away and with Easter was passed; my mother suggested I go to school for 3-5 days as Laura. We met with Jenn Myers, my therapist, and school officials. The school officials at first didn’t want me to come to school or go to the prom-like Laura. But when they understood they were not getting their way; we together sought to make the times at school and the prom as positive events.

Jenn Myers was the person to take the lead and make sure I didn’t get hurt or put on display. She confronted them knowing I was neither the only nor the first to break barriers at the school.

It was the third Monday of April that I first went to school as Laura. Ms. Henry my homeroom and Geometry teacher made the first verbal note of my presence. Melanie tested the waters and befriended me as we went to our first class. Tiffany was soon the next. Before lunchtime I knew a few friends who were openly supportive including my good friend Doug; I also knew of one teacher and several classmates who were upset with me, including Nick and Stephan. I already knew I didn’t make the prettiest girl, nor were my detractors the only ones who saw my resemblances with Lucas or being a boy.

Nick came to give me a hard time during lunch, but Tiffany stood up and confronted him. “You know track boys who have thin legs, you shouldn’t throw stones. Eva says she beats your time in the 400-meter race by three seconds.”

Nick turned and walked away before he ever confronted me that time. The thing that hurt most was that Nick and I used to be friends.

It was Tuesday and most of the girls knew I wasn’t using their restroom. We were coming away from lunch when Tiffany and Eva hooked arms with me and took me to the girls’ room nearby. I made use of a toilet stall. When I came out to wash my hands there was a group of girls who welcomed me.

A girl named Susan said, “Please check your face, we want to see how good you are with makeup.” Needless to say, I would have been nervous enough without her bringing attention to me.

Susan whispered as I was leaving the girls’ room, “What are you going to do if Drew or another boy gives you a kiss?”

I softly replied, “You know there aren’t supposed to be any displays of personal affection at school.”

She giggled back, “Who said it had to be at school?” Needless to say, the support of others helped to make the week go smoother. By Friday, my biggest problem was I wanted more days as Laura at school. The good news was tonight at school there was a dance where Drew and I would be together.

Dance night was my first dress-up time out in public. Rachel was home and she had a package for me. I could tell by the package they were glasses. When I opened them up they were a bright turquoise frame, oval. I giggle and jumped up and down and gave her a big hug. “How did you know?”

She said, “I know the vanity of a girl better than you do.” She even told me she’d help maximize my use of makeup to go with my glasses and outfit.

Drew and I was to meet up with both his classmates such as Sydney and my classmates like Tiffany and Melanie and their dates. When we got to the dance and inside the doors, Drew had a surprise for me. It was a wrist corsage. When I saw the note on the wrapping I knew I was accepted as a girl. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEET SIXTEEN.

I quickly discounted it, “It’s neither my birthday nor am I sixteen yet.”

Sydney giggled and said, “Your mother said you’d say that, but that tomorrow is both. Your mother said, “You’re having a sweet sixteen birthday party tomorrow and we’re all invited over to celebrate with Laura!”

Once the corsage was on my wrist, Drew leaned forward and kissed me. The first dance was slow and being in Drew’s hug seemed natural.

It was a half-hour into the dance when I was approached by Nick. Nick held up his hands like he was surrendering to me. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I don’t know when we stopped being friends, but I want it to stop.”

I opened my arms to hug him, and he shook his head, “I never thought I’d be giving Laura Storm a hug like this.” I wasn’t ready to dance with him, but I was happy that we could be friends again…

To be continued...

My mother and I had a serious talk before either of us went to bed. I summed the nerve and didn’t waiver. “Mom, I know you meant well and I have dreamed something like this. But from now on you can’t be making decisions like this for me. I am old enough to make my own decisions. And you might regret how things transpire in the future.”

Saturday was damp and cold for April, so my birthday party was in our finished basement which ran most of the length of the house. Rachel, my mom, and Rosemarie Towers had decorated it in for a teen girl’s birthday party in pinks, reds, and whites. The party began at five and officially was to end around nine and unofficially it went to sometime after ten-thirty.

They requested no gifts, but Lucas and Laura, each got several gift cards. Laura got two gift cards to VS, two gifts with notes, one alerted me to only ‘open it in Laura’s room!’. ‘I don’t know how many would understand my double feelings; yes, I like being Laura for a birthday at sixteen is extra special. But many don’t understand I’m the same person and that Lucas likes being a girl and a boy. Even if I’m not the manliest guy, I’m still me.’

‘I hadn’t seen much of Debra except at a distance at school, but tonight she came to my birthday party. We had been close friends but she’s been scarce lately, she’d become invisible as a friend but tonight she came and was like a shadow that I saw, but couldn’t get to face to face. Debra and I always spoke about being best friends and leaving it at that. Rachel said she had tears, and when I looked for her she left. Part of me wanted to chase after her, part of me was afraid that she no longer liked me.’

Drew found me and gave me a hug that brought my mind back to his presence and those here for my party. They sang happy birthday and I blew out the two candles a one and a six. The cake and ice cream at sixteen weren’t my scene, but it was fun and very unusual for me to be the center of attention.

Rachel started the music and didn’t need to push to get me to dance. She knew quite well that as Laura I’m a dancer. It felt weird that I liked dancing with Drew.

Drew and I walked outside despite it being cold and damp. I never imagined as Laura I’d feel warm like this with another boy. Then a thought flashed in my head; ‘this is why Debra left; I feel warm with someone. She and I have always been friends, even before Sydney and I dressed up together. Debra was always there. We always swore we were just friends. ‘But what was she now feeling about me?’ And I about her?

When we went back into the house, Sidney and Rachel were the only ones who saw that my mood changed.

They took me aside and quietly asked if something happened between Drew and me. I told them, “No, but I realized Debra was here and left. I’m afraid, she’s been hurt by my being with Drew. I’m not sure what I should do?”

Rachel said, “Take care of one relationship at a time. Right now you’re at your birthday party, enjoy it and spend some time with Drew.”

Sidney asks, “What’s with you and Debra?”

I said, “We’ve been friends for the longest time, and I just realized it probably has been more than just friends for some time, but neither she nor I would acknowledge it. We’ve constantly said, we’re just best friends. She was the first one that knew I’m Laura and had accepted me.”

Rachel hugged me as a friend, “Relationships and feelings are new for you to deal with. I bet it’s scary allowing them to awaken in you. Compose yourself for your party. Tomorrow if you want you can contact Debra and see about getting together and talking.”

Sidney went back to the group first, then Rachel, and lastly, I followed. After another dance things were back to normal. The general understanding of most was I, Laura, wasn’t used to a fuss being made over me which was true.

Near the end of the gathering, Tiffany talked to me. She said, “I’m proud of you, but please hear it from one who’s been there, even good things can be rough sometimes. I’d like to be here for you like you were for me.” What she said, brought a hug and a short flow of tears from me onto her shoulder.

My last hug and kiss with Drew were good. But I was uncomfortable with my feelings for him.

Sunday, I was up in time to go to the late worship service and I went dressed like usual as Lucas. Once that was done I was thinking of Debra. I called Debra and as soon as she confirmed she was home, I said, “We need to talk, I’m coming over.” Debra didn’t sound pleased, but she didn’t say, no.

It was warmer and nicer than yesterday, so we visited in the back of her yard. We were forty minutes into our conversation when she finally smiled and gave me a hug. Our having feelings for each other was something neither of us was used to acknowledging or dealing with. We were afraid it would wreck our friendship, but we had left things unsaid and feelings hidden away much too long.

Debra had also been invited to the prom. I know her date Eddie Cochran, and I’m a bit jealous of her going with him. She’s jealous of me going with Drew, but we agree not to change our plans as neither wanted others to see us as two girls attracted to each other. Come tomorrow, the school will see us back together as best friends.
=^_^=
Rachel and Mom had a good talk with me before Rachel returned to her university. I was back dressed and being Lucas, which my family was happy about..

The following Friday, Drew took me to a pizzeria before our going to a dance. I was so scared of getting messy, so I took small bites and had one napkin in my lap and another in my extra hand. Drew laughed saying other girls were naturally neat.

When we got to the dance and he held me close for a slow dance, he whispered, “I am glad as I have a girl that fits in so well with the other girls.” Many of my friends recognized me and compliments flowed about how well I looked and was doing. Needless to say, not all were happy or nice. As I became more comfortable being Laura, my appearance became more that of a regular girl.

Tiffany and Melanie asked me to be patient before taking me with them to the women’s restroom. Tiffany said, “You had come a long way as a girl from when we first went to my long weekend. I was scared then that I scarred you forever, but now it looks like that was the beginning of Laura’s coming out.”

“I plead guilty; I like this side of me not being hidden away at home any longer. Being with you allowed me the experience of seeing myself as an everyday girl. Helping my Mom as she designed and made dresses and gowns allowed me to act like I was just pretending. Now, Drew is only willing to see me as Laura. He’s not at all attracted to me as Lucas.”

Debra and I had agreed to use Saturday to go shopping together; it was an enjoyable time of renewing our friendship. She had been upset not only at me but at herself. She had been familiar with Lucas and she didn’t mind my change grace. She had been accustomed to Laura being her secret, not an outgoing person more in comparison to Lucas. Then she realized her place with me was as solid as ever but now more fun. She’s beginning to like me as a special girlfriend.

Debra asked, “Laura, I asked my beautician if it would be possible for you to have your appointment for the prom at the same time as mine? She said it was possible, but we would need to let her know, by 4:30 and it is already three o’clock.”

I said, “I hadn’t thought of an appointment, if my mom needed me to look like a girl for pictures all she needed to do was to call three days ahead and there were appointments available.”

Debra said, “That doesn’t work when there’s a prom, or a big social, or large wedding party making arrangements.”

I quickly called my mother who said, she thought I already arranged something. She was very eager for me to get and appointment with Debra. But I was to make sure I got a good beautician.

Debra called her beautician, Tami and we made the appointment with a beautician they just attracted away from another salon. Tami assured Debra that Suzanne Howie was very good with hair and makeup.

Debra said to me, “Even for a date or to look especially nice as Laura, without Lucas showing through you should go to a salon.” I called my mom and got permission to make an appointment.

We soon had appointments to meet our beauticians and decide on what we wanted. I was to bring a picture of my gown and a swath of the dress material. I became giddy learning that so much would be involved.

When I got home after shopping, my Mom acknowledge that my need to get to a salon had escaped her. “If it is alright with you? I should call and get you an appointment soon so you can get a unisex do that can easily be transformed to suit you as Lucas or Laura?”

I was glad that she phrased it as a question and gave me ownership of the decision.

Some people at school recognized that as Lucas my appearance was changed somehow, but since I didn’t matter to most of the students it was a non-event. Dressed away from school as Laura it was seen as a nice change for my growing group of friends. Two weeks before the prom it came as a shock to Drew, that Debra was also attracted to me as Laura.

Drew came close to giving me an ultimatum about choosing between him and Debra. He changed his thinking when I approached my mom about the possibility of not going to the prom.

I said to Drew, “Andrew, I know you want me exclusively to yourself, but I am just at the beginning of seeing myself as a girl and all that will mean. And there’s a part of me you won’t even acknowledge. You need to allow me the room I need to find myself.”

I took advantage of the fact that I was looking especially nice as Laura, and that he was drawn to the fragrance of my perfume.

I was actually doing better in school as I was using both Tiffany and Debra as my study pals. Whether I showed up as Lucas or Laura neither of them was bothered.

It was great that Rachel’s semester at college ended ahead of our school letting out for the end of the year. Rachel enjoyed becoming Laura’s big sister, and I appreciated having her help in selecting clothes to buy. I know it is contrary to regular girls, but my wardrobe quickly expands with more dresses, skirts, blouses as well as fashionable jeans to wear as Laura.

To be continued…

I was late in waking up come Sunday morning; I simply showered, keeping my hair from getting wet. I was in Laura mode as I went out to the kitchen for breakfast. My father said Mom and Rachel had gone to church and then do something together afterward.

Dad said, “So I think it is you and me that are left to be together. It’s supposed to be a nice day; I was wondering if you would be open to canoeing?”

“I’m open to doing it if you don’t mind me staying in girl mode?” I said.

Dad said fine and I ate some breakfast and then changed as I usually did when going canoeing. But this time it was in a two-piece bathing suit and used #15 sunblock as I wanted a little more color to my skin, but not sunburn. Then I put on a linen blouse with some needlework decorating the front. I wore a beige pair of jean shorts. I borrowed one of Rachel's waist belt bags it was a colorful pastel orange with two compartments, to keep my wallet with a little cash, a debit card, and Rachel’s neatly folded parka was in the other pocket with some wipes, bug spray, and additional sunblock. I had on a pair of socks and hiking shoes. I was not a female model for the outdoor world, but much to my father’s chagrin, I was Laura and not Lucas. We decided not to take our canoe but knew where we could rent one and have a fifteen-mile river trip. We were early in our trip when I took off my blouse and showed that I had the on the upper half of my swimsuit.

About halfway to our destination, Dad steered us onto a small sandy spot. We had already been talking but I knew Dad wanted to talk face to face. Now and then he shook his head and I knew he was wondering about the daughter in front of him being his son. Since I was twelve my father was not in favor of my acting as a model for mom any longer. I know he had done his research and that my being a girl is not something my mother did to me. Dad complimented me, saying, “You make an attractive daughter, but I feel the need to tell you I think you are also a neat son. And if I had my wish it would be that you get back to being Lucas. You already know there are women out there like Debra who would accept this side of you to show through now and then.” We talked about how the world is different, but traditionally I would be the one to carry on the family name. And that it was not certain which if any gender identifiers were going to emerge from my more androgynous body. “Mom had said your hips have widened a little, your complexion is more that of a young woman, and your acerolas appear to be developing. I know now is the time in your life that we should use blockers or hormone therapy. That is if we are to be proactive in your development. I would rather it be as Lucas, but I will be accepting and supportive if you decide this is the person you want to be.” Dad was up and walking around outside the canoe. And I knew it meant he/we had talked as much as he was comfortable with for now.

We were about to the point we were to put in to end our trip, and I saw Mom and Rachel at the dock. I stood up, stepped out of my shorts, dove into the water, and swam to the dock. That was a tradition for both Rachel and me.

There were probably others at the landing area that saw me and could tell I may not be the traditional girl. I went for a short walk in the park. Soon a woman, Maude Miller, was walking beside me. She spoke up, “Is it alright if I told you that you’re a brave person? When I was a young woman I had a friend like you, but I and others weren’t comfortable supporting and encouraging her. He/she became much of a loner, and I moved on with my life. You make an attractive woman, and while I know there is more to it than appearance, I needed to tell you that. I hope I haven’t embarrassed you.” Maude and I walked and talked more than I had planned, but it was still much too short. We exchanged some information and may stay connected if we want.

Dad and I rode back with Mom and Rachel to get Dad’s car and then went home. Dad and I both went to shower and refresh ourselves. We would go out for dinner as a family.

I started the school week in girl mode; it was not as the principal preferred, but I was allowed the room to be me. More friends and other students noticed I had a tan. Usually, I’m used to not being seen, so this is different for me as well. I’m not fully comfortable getting the attention of others.

It was a bit awkward when after lunch both Debra and Andrew were wanting time with me. It was more of a surprise when Andrew thanked Debra for helping me to find myself. He said, “For a long time I was confused, because I felt attracted to Lucas, but saw him as a Tomboy, not an actual boy. I didn’t know that you already saw this side of her and were supportive.”

I broke into the conversation, “Don’t go thanking her and assume I chose you over her. I am still finding myself. A prom is a big event, but it does not define my relationships down the road.”

Debra smiled at both of us, “I am thankful that Drew acknowledges me, and that you are standing up for our relationship.” She turned to Drew, “Laura and I have already agreed our going to our prom with our dates should stay as it is. We don’t think the prom will dictate our futures.”

“What I am interested in knowing, though it might not be my business, is if you truly see Laura be a girl and yourself as straight or gay?”

Drew said, “I am not interested in Lucas at all, and I’m hoping he’s finally embracing himself as a transgender woman and in time would fully transition. I know that is ultimately his decision.”

Tiffany intrudes on our being together, saying, “I just want to interrupt you and find out if Laura’s opening to going shopping after school today or tomorrow.”

I am thankful for a break from the more serious discussion. “People have seriously been talking or giving opinions all day; yes, I could use a break. Shopping would be good.”

Debra breaks her mood and she too wants to go along. Drew said, see you later and disappeared.

Walking to my next class Tiff asked me, “Do you think your Mom could alter a gown for Michele Harkin for the prom? She has been asked to the prom but can’t afford a nice gown. My older sister has one, but it would need some alterations and be updated.”

I responded, “I’m not sure how full my Mom’s schedule is but Michele should call my mother and tell her I hope she could help.”

Michele would go window shopping with us and then we’d stop at my house on the way home. My mom had agreed to meet with Michele then. Before shopping, we stopped at Tiffany’s to pick up her sister’s gown from two years ago. It is funny that both Tiff’s sister and Michele Harkin have the first same name.

It was funny for the four of us to go shopping and that it was only me who felt the need to buy new pair of designer jeans. The jeans were tight-fitting and a little sexy compared to my regular good-girl look. Michele mentioned, “It’s like that girl in Grease who changed from a goody, goody and picked up an attitude.”

Someone mentioned that the actress just died who played the character in Grease.

Debra was due home but she came with us to see my mom and talk to her about her helping Michele. My mom saw a problem with the old tooling of the gown. She said, “If you don’t mind changing the white tooling for pink chiffon; I know I have the needed material. The alteration will be easy enough. Would you want it at the length it is now or shortened for this year’s fashion?”

Michele said, “I haven’t even told you, but I have trouble affording the alterations, let alone buying new material.”

My mother said, “You’re a friend of Laura’s so I understood it to be without cost.”

Michele said, “But I haven’t been a friend to Laura or Lucas? I don’t want to deceive you.”

“You said, Laura, recommended you call me that’s enough for me.”

My Mom had my sister Rachel call for Chinese and she took Michele and the gown to be measured and pinned for alteration. Mom knew Michele’s mother, Carol Harkin, and called her to come over afterward. Michele Harkin is a size bigger and has bigger breasts than Michele Newcomb, which made for a challenge but nothing my mother, a professional seamstress, couldn’t handle.

Though my parents are still together and happy, it wasn’t always so. My Mom now has a deeper appreciation for Mrs. Newcomb and Carol Harkin. I didn’t know that Carol and Mom were old friends.

The night ended with a request that I model my prom gown for everyone.

It also led me to be the one to model the dress for Michele. Mom said, “That will solve the problem of Michele Harkin’s modest breasts.”

Michele loved the basic dress and like my mom thought the present tooling was showing its age and that the gown had been stored away. Michele hadn’t known I had modeled for my mother so she thought it was funny that I was wearing the dress. It was more so when my mother pulled out the pink chiffon material, cut a hole for the neck area, and placed the material over me and the gown to show how it might look.

Michele asked, “Is this how Lucas became Laura?”

It was explained how my mom began using a special mannequin form and then my older sister and now me. “We didn’t know at the time that Lucas had already been getting into Debra’s clothing. He also liked playing with Debra’s games, and dolls, and he play house.”

Michele said, “You or your husband must have tried to stop him. Did you ever feel guilty that you’ve helped to make him into a girl?”

“Yes, for a long time, but then he did it in secret. I stopped using him and he had become a sadder and more w

ithdrawn person when he was just Lucas. Some tihttps://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/sites/all/modules/bueditor/ic... had passed before it came out from his sister that he was happier when he could be his girl self. Looking back, we could tell even as a toddler Laura was there, we just hadn’t understood that yet. That Laura has a happier disposition than Lucas even now, brings some comfort and confirmation.”

I spoke up, “I don’t see it happening but if I ever changed, and wanted to be Lucas full-time, I’m sure I’d have my family’s support.”

The others were surprised how much my mother was able to accomplish that night in starting to help

Come morning, when I was to get ready for school I decided I would be Laura then and until the prom was over. Tuesday when I dressed as Laura, my sister Rachel came into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed. She said, “May I ask something?”

I turned and smile, “Always, what do you want to ask?”

“I get this feeling you’re my sister from now on. You seem comfortable as Laura. I just wanted to say I love you as a sister, am I right?”

I smiled again, “Yes, I like being a sister, having girlfriends who are friends that I can enjoy time with. I’m excited about going to the prom with Drew. Don’t get me wrong; I like him, but if I’m going to have a boyfriend, it will be my choice not his with Mom’s blessing.” The lavender dress is as beautiful as I dreamed it would be. Between the stockings being the best I’ve ever worn and the movement of the gown as I danced or walked, it gave me feelings a boy never expected to have.

Drew went out of his way to make it a wonderful night, as I did for him. We were around his friends more than mine. I got along well with their dates. Marti was Jake’s date. Jake was a nice guy, but she came with him as something their mothers wanted. She laughed when I told her about Drew and my gown.

We agreed that my mom was a great seamstress, and she made a beautiful gown from what I had told her. When Marti put two and two together and realized I had been Landon, she was very impressed. “I’m glad I met you before I knew what I know now. I have no problem believing you are truly a girl. But if I knew that before I got to know you, I’m afraid I might have misjudged you.”

Our hug was one of the highlights of the night. I had made another friend who was a girlfriend.

Prom day was special: going to the salon, Suzanne Howie, my beautician greeted me at the door with a smile. It was like we had chemistry working together, and I could confide with her, “What would you think if tonight I became Laurie? I think Laura is too formal, I feel like I should be Laura Wilder, but I just want to be me!”

Suzanne said, “Great, call me Suzy, I think Laurie is a person looking to enjoy her life.” She put in several hair extensions that gave me a much fuller head of hair and put it into a beautiful style. She showed me two pins I could pull out if to let my hair down.

I was home by 1:00 p.m., and Mom and Rachel helped me to get dressed into my prom gown with all the accessories and my heels.

To be continued…

Mom had excused herself to go and sleep. My sister said, “So give, you said Drew didn’t have a future with you. But I hear you got hot enough he swept you off your feet. I was told you two even disappeared for a while.”

I told her, “I couldn’t help myself; I liked getting his attention.” I asked, “What else did Tiffany say?”

Rachel giggled, “It wasn’t Tiff, but the person said you came back intact. Seemingly however you pleased Andrew. Mom and I knew by your breath what you did; whatever you drank was not enough to cover it.”

I asked, “Couldn’t be or she would have been angry with me. But, before Mom said goodnight; she said something about going away this summer. Do you know what she was talking about?” Rachel said I would have to ask my mother in the morning.

I found a change of Laura’s clothes when I woke after 9:00 with a note to take a shower and brush my teeth and use the mouthwash. She had out on the bed a red polka dot and a white summer dress.

I remembered a time when Rachel was my age now, and she had worn clothes like this and she and mom went shopping for a day before taking a trip. I don’t know where they went but they were gone a month or more. I didn’t notice much of a change, but others did. Rachel was as happy and active as before. However, other people said things like she had grown up, and was more mature. They called her a young woman saying she wasn’t a little girl anymore.

Mom took me into her and Dad’s room, “Laura, I want to talk to you privately. Your father and I have already talked and decided what we’d like you to do if you should be willing.”

“I’d like to take you and your sister away for part of the summer and give you a chance to be Laura. Your sister knew you were dressing in hers and other feminine clothing that I’ve compiled for teen girls. I guess the prom and your other time with Drew showed there’s more to this than just the clothes.”

I was surprised that we were talking about it and that my mom, my parents, didn’t seem to be upset with me. Finally, I said as much, “I thought you would be angry, furious with me, and do something I’d be sorry for if you found out.”

Mom didn’t mean to, but her expression gave way to another thought. Your father and I were upset at first and maybe even angry. But it was more at me or the both of us that we hadn’t seen it. Andrew and the girls who’ve become closer friends seemed to realize what was happening before we did.”

Tiffany’s mother and Rosemarie and your counselor Jenn all presumed we knew you liked being a girl more than we did.”

Mom said, “I thought we’d go and get some clothes today, so we could go away for a while this summer after school is out. I want to help you learn what it would be like to be a girl and not just pretend now and then. I think you should seriously consider going to school next year as a young woman if that is who you see yourself to be.”

I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I was awake and not dreaming; instead, I reached with two hands to hold and squeeze my mother’s hands. I looked her in the eyes and her face. “Are you asking if you could treat me as your daughter?”

Mom’s head slowly moved up and down, she was looking for my reaction and what I’d say. We hugged and Mom asked, “Would it be pushing too much if you, your sister, and I went shopping for our time away?”

“Meaning I can go with you two as Laurie,” I asked.

We emerged from their room with both of us smiling. Rachel hugged me and Dad smiled but then he went walking off to his domain.

I picked up a breakfast bar and then excused myself. I felt the need to shower again this time using a fragrant body wash, to condition my hair as well as shampoo my hair. I shaved my legs and under my arms. It was so freeing to be able to do this without hiding or fear of being found out. I know I didn’t look like anything special, but somehow I impressed my sister and mother when I came back, ready for the day.

Rachel did a double take, “You’re the same, but something changed.”

Mom asked, “She’s just more comfortable, aren’t you?” They both complimented my shampooing and conditioning of my hair. Mom delighted in saying, “You must have rinsed off more stress than I realized was there.”

Dressed and downstairs, Rachel was handing me a red purse with long straps. Mom said, “We’re going out for breakfast. Hopefully, that means none of us will be raising our voices, and we will be quietly talking among ourselves. Nothing is set in stone but there are some things we need to talk about. One thing we need is to learn to be a trio of girls when we go shopping.”

We drove a little and went to a café that Mom and Rachel had gone to, but it was something that Lucas wouldn’t have enjoyed, especially with his idea of a breakfast out. I ordered three small raspberry crepes. Mother ordered me a pudding square with swirls of chocolate sauce drizzled over it with a thin line of peppermint. I guess the small slender spoon was so one would eat it slowly and savor it as we talked.

A woman, Audrene, came over, “Joann it is nice to see you and your daughter Rachel back, but who is this? I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure to meet yet.”

Mom looked at me, “Laura, this is Audrene the proprietor of this special place. Audrene this is my younger daughter who I’ve kept hidden away?”

Audrene’s eyes perked as she realized I was my mother’s other helper. Audrene hesitated, but then said, “Now I understand how she’s been so helpful since Rachel grew up and went away to the university.”

She turned to me, “It is very nice to meet you. I hope you are enjoying yourself?”

Lucas’ voice almost surfaced, but I caught myself. “I love this pudding square. It is more than an ordinary vanilla pudding with chocolate sauce. My taste buds can’t tell what you’ve done to it.”

Audrene smiles at me, “I’m not going to spoil it; I want to see if in time your tastes refine and you can tell what you taste when they do.”

Rachel teased me saying she would need me to tell her.

I was surprised that the three small crepes and the pudding were sufficient for my breakfast. I even enjoyed it along with drinking an unusual hot tea. Usually, I need breakfast meat and potatoes or pancakes and syrup. Like Laura I was happy with myself, a change of appetite will help me eat more like a girl. I bet it will help my figure.

Before we left the table, Rachel asked me to go with her to the women’s room. It took more effort to use the toilet and to get myself back together. I washed and dried my hands before refreshing my makeup and coiffing my hair. Using a makeup triangle and having my permission; Rachel smoothed out what would have been a makeup blemish. I hadn’t noticed it until I saw the reflection of a girl’s face that I had seen on so many others.

We went to a mall that was pretty much like two closer to where we lived, but here I’d relax and enjoy discovering myself without others I knew seeing this side of me before I was ready. One of the first purchases was a body shaper that added just over an inch to my hips.

I began to protest before Rachel suggested that I’ve seen and stated things about how much some girls seemed to be able to change their appearance. Rachel said, “A girl doesn’t announce if she padded her top or bottom. Sometimes it can be just the design of the clothes or a look, but sometimes it is more. There is more to it that I won’t tell now if you don’t tell but compliment me in my turn.”

I thought, “That’s it, it may or may not be, but don’t tell others lets others guess or think they know.” My sister smiled.

Mom had us make two purchases. And then it was on selecting my first two bras. Like the panty, Rachel first gave me, my first two panties purchased now were satin and hugged me like dainty gloves in soft hands. The idea of someone’s hands holding me like that brought a mischievous smile to me. I tried on many outfits way more than we bought, but we did get a good number. It was only after the dresses and skirts were purchased that my mother was open to my trying on some jeans and shorts.

It was four o’clock in the afternoon when Mom suggested I had enough and I should be tired. I said, “It is like Laura’s been hidden away and then my birthday and Christmas were both here. I am spoiled, but I am not tired of it.”

We were going through a department store, when a cosmetician noticed us and asked, “If you three are still here, I suspect someone is ready to relax and get a free makeover?”

Rachel spoke up, “Our Mom is just allowing Laura to wear makeup, so yes she could use it.”

I paused and looked at my mother, until she gave in and said, “If their father is up to it we will be going out to eat. Can you show her how a young woman might prepare for a casual evening out?”

The Cosmetician said, “My name is Tina, and I’d be happy to do so.” Turning to me and motioning to her stool, “If I could know your name and the two with you?” I introduced my sister, Rachel, and my mother, Joanna.

Tina complimented my complexion, “By looking at your hands, I suspect you’ve been a tomboy, and have recently embraced your feminine side.” She asked, “Have you recently gone to a prom? How did you enjoy that?”

The time was going fast, and I was surprised to find myself saying as much as I did. “So did you already know you liked boys or were you caught my surprise?”

I stared at my mother before I dared answer. “He’s not going to be my boyfriend, yes I was surprised how much I liked his attention.”

We were about finished when Tiffany and another girl, Michele, walked up and said hello. Michele said, “Oh my, Laura, you are beautiful. Isn’t he… she, Tiff?”

Tiffany caught the slip and giggled, “The best she’s ever looked. I guess she is coming out of her shell.”

Tiffany, Michele, and Rachel got lost in their conversation about me. While Tina, my mother, and I were caught up in a conversation about what makeup was being bought and what Tina was giving as samples. Mom had not been planning on it but we bought a makeup case and filled a good third of it.

Mom insisted that it was not much overall, but I knew she spent over $300, how much over she wasn’t saying. But I was sworn not to tell my father.

Once we were done, Tiffany, Michele, and I shared air kisses.

My father was never given the choice about going out for dinner. I had fallen asleep in the car while talking about all that was purchased for me.

I can’t remember the dream or nightmare I had, but when I woke up at 10:00 p.m. I quickly found my way to my mother and said without discerning if she was listening. “Mother, I’m hoping you were not thinking about me having surgery and going back to school as a girl like that?”

My mother heard only part of what I said; she said, “No one has mentioned anything about surgery. Though a health check and a testosterone blocker might be considered. You are a little late in maturing as a man.”

I was awakened Sunday morning by Tiffany calling me, “Are you Laura today?” When I acknowledged I was she said, “Get up and get dressed; I want you to go with me to 9:00 Mass at St. John’s today.” I looked at my clock and saw it was 7:00 a.m. It would give me enough time to get ready, but when I was ready to say yes. Tiffany said, “Okay, we will pick you up fifteen minutes before church.”

I covered my hair, before getting into the shower. The water helped me to wake up. I had on my nightie and a robe as I made my way to the kitchen to get something to drink. When Mom asked, I told her I was going to church with Tiffany. Mom suggested the same skirt outfit that I was thinking of. “Make sure you wear a half slip and camisole with the outfit.”

I got dressed, did my makeup and hair, and then went to Rachel’s room to check how she thought I looked. Rachel said, “Let me touch up your makeup and add some curl to your hair. You did quite well on your own. And I like the outfit you chose.” My sister said, “You know if you don’t tell others who you are, they might not recognize you. There is no sign of Lucas.”

I was ready for Tiffany, but my mother sent me back, “Go and ask your sister if you can wear a pair of her heels?”

I know that heels were thought to be needed by both my sister and mother if one was to consider they were dressed up for church. Mrs. Newcomb insisted after church I was going out to eat with them.

While we were driving to the restaurant, Mrs. Newcomb said, “You know Laura, I’m not sure I should consider myself responsible for being a girl. Do you think your helping Tiffany had anything to do with you being Laura now?”

I lightly giggled, “I know what you mean; my Mom has similar thoughts about her having me model some of the clothes. I felt guilty because I liked dressing as a girl, and imagining I was my mother’s second daughter.

Tiffany interrupted us, and matter of factly said, “You know Laura that Debra Long has a crush on you?”

I said, “Debra and I have been friends for a long time, but recently she hasn’t answered my calls or has turned away from me at school.”

“She’s been staying away from Lucas,” Tiffany said, “But it is you Laura that she has a crush on?”

To be continued…

Laura is surprised, better yet speechless. Sidney Towers is close by and responded to Tiffany’s statement. “Debra’s not the only one taken with the new you. Lucas is a good friend, but Laura’s the one to who more of us are drawn. I don’t see myself as a lesbian, but there’s something attractive about being her special friend. You’re the best of both worlds.”

Laura gives a quizzical look. Sidney explains, “Gender-wise, it isn’t about sex though it could be.” Laura now blushes profusely.

“I would have known if that was the case with Debra,” said Laura.

Tiffany responded, “You were too close to see it; I think it was the same for Debra. How was she going to tell you? She felt the two of you have so much to lose, but she says it’s no longer just best friends forever.”

Laura was having feelings and emotions that were unusual to her. “Woe, this can’t be happening to me.” She looks up to Tiffany, “Do I dare call her as to talk? Does she know you’re going to tell me?”

Tiff says, “It is neither a phone nor message thing. I think when you’re ready you need to talk with her face to face. Take one of your walks or just sit down and talk as you two do.”

I didn’t dare look for Debra at school, and though I had an exam; I can’t remember anything about it or the rest of the day at school.

Mom asked me how things were at school. She even stressed that something happened, when I denied it.

I waited for Rachel in her room after dinner. Rachel was kind of expecting me, though she had no idea what was bothering me. I said, “Tiffany told me that Debra told her that she stayed away because she’s attracted to me as Laura.”

Rachel smiled, “Oh my, did you have any inkling?” She sat down, “I guess it kind of makes sense. How do you feel about it?” Rachel moves to hug me, and I hold the hug.

I said, “This is when I’m glad I have a big sister.”

She squeezes me, and then says, “But this big sister doesn’t know what to say.”

“I’m feeling emotions, and affection like Lucas, yet different. I don’t have words for it either.”

Rachel lit a candle and uses her phone to play music and we cuddled on the floor in silence.

It was more than a half hour before I said, “I need to talk to Deb, but what do I say?”

“Why don’t you just leave a note to see her at the Washington Park trail after school?”

As we entered for our third class, Debra walked next to me and squeezed my hand. She was smiling, and it never felt so good just to see her smile. After class Debra’s smile was contagious. I think we were both relieved that we would be talking. “I hope to see you at lunch,” she told me.

We ate lunch together but it was all small talk, girl things. Debra did agree to meet me at the park; I found a note at my locker. “Meet me at my car and we can ride together.” Signed Debra.

“I am glad that it was Laura who came to school today.”

I said, “I heard that my coming out as Laura is important to you?”

Debra said, “I hope you’re not offended that I find myself more attracted to you as Laura. It is just that this is the side of you that I’ve waited for so long. I see both your Mom and sister in you as well as your Aunt Trudy on your father’s side.”

My Aunt Trudy is my father’s younger sister, but the relationship between her and my dad is strained. Aunt Trudy’s love is her wife Aunt Sandra.

Debra says, “I’ve known for a while that Laura is part of whom you are. It is just nice to be able to be open about it. I think I’ll like talking with you like another girl. I never said anything, because I thought you might be upset that I like you as a girl.”

I said, “I’m comfortable with it; it was just that Tiffany said you had a crush on me, more like loving me.”

Debra said, “I do love you; as Laura, I have both Lucas and Laura. I know we said we want to be best friends, but I guess I felt a need to risk that and let you know I do love you.”

A hot flush came over me like a wave washing. Our relationship is best when we are open with one another, but this was more than I ever expected. More emotion was in my voice, it was a part of me as Laura that had never surfaced before. It was like I was finding my voice as Laura.

Debra and I were hugging; we were being two girls. The joy was overflowing. She said, “There are simple things that I am eager to do, like go shopping and just trying on clothes together or shopping for makeup and finding out what are your colors.”

I asked, “How are your parents going to react to my being Laura or you being in love with me?”

Debra smiled, “I already messaged my Mom and she’s happy that I’m my happy self again. My relationship with you is not the same as with women in general. It is you that I’m attracted to.”

It is Friday, the last day of school, and things have changed with Debra and I being back together, not only as best friends but as girlfriends.

My mom wants to take me and Rachel away for a month, but it is complicated as I don’t want to be away from Debra that long. Debra is fine with my getting away and getting used to being Laura 24/7.

Our initial agreement is we will be away for 7-10 days, then back for a week, and away another two weeks. Since Mom worked at home during the height of Covid outbreaks, she has permission to work away from the job. While we’re away she’d work half days some of the time.

Debra and I enjoyed a week getting together after school let out for the summer and before I was going away. It is a priority for both of us to enjoy our girl time together. Unfortunately, the last week of school included Debra’s monthly visitor, and she wanted part of this week and had me listen to her talk about what it was like. She has also put me on a twenty-eight-day calendar, where I will wear a pad and be sensitive to her. Fortunately, her mensuration time is usually mild, but it had not been when she took her last final test.

Debra thinks she is wanting to be a doctor, so her grades and working under pressure are important to her. She is often harder on herself than I feel is needed. She says I don’t understand.

Our last two days together before I left with my mother and sister for our time away; we spent with me living as Laura. The ocean water was still cool, too cold, and it was my first time with Debra and two other girls as Laura. Part of what Debra was wanting, was for me to experience what felt like being an object. She admitted it was true that a girl sometimes wanted others to see them with affectionate eyes. But she said, girls don’t like their space intruded into and that there were differences.

When we got to the beach and Trudy took off her outer clothes down to her swimsuit was the first to turn some eyes to look at her. Holly and Debra were next, but it was Holly who had to work her way out of tight designer jeans. When I began to take off a strap of my burgundy bib-shorts; there was a suggestion from a guy nearby that I put on a show.

Acting not to give him any attention, I continued to let the shorts just drop to my feet and step out of them. When I crossed my arms and grabbed the bottom of my blouse to pull it off over my head. He spoke up again, which distracted and upset me. And I growled while my blouse was still covering my head. Jim-Bob, for no better of name, called for me to calm down pussycat. “I didn’t do you any harm.”

He said, “I didn’t mean anything bad. I just wanted you to know a red-blooded American boy finds you attractive to look at.”

Debra stepped over to me, and whispered, “It doesn’t feel good to be objectified does it?”

I asked, “What should I do about it?”

Holly said, “Let’s pick up our things and move away a little.” Which is what we did,

Deb said, “There are times we choose to make an issue about it, but most of the time we just ignore the person and hope things change.

I said, “But I’ve seen times when the girls and the guys got to talking and even mingled with each other.”

Trudy said, “People don’t always see it the same way. Sometimes even I might have been hoping to get a wanted reaction from someone.”

It soon became obvious to those around us that we were a group unto ourselves. It was the first time that Deb gave me a hair band and suggested I twist my hair up and use the band and a bobby pin to hold it in place. “You’re not used to brushing out your hair or what to do to keep it from getting tangled.”

I had been swimming before and did have problems. I asked, “Did Rachel or someone else say something?” It became a point of conversation about things they learned about me, or just expected I had not thought something through.

One of the things was how girls often chose to do things together, i.e. turning when lying in the sun, talking about hair, and cosmetics, or listening to one another. The four of us decided to go into the water together, but at the last moment, Trudy and I ran and dove into the water. While Debra and Holly chose to walk in more slowly and take the time in adjusting to the cold water. Trudy said, “Laura, I’m with you; I want to get in and quickly get adjusted to it.”

Though only two-thirds of the shops were open up on the boardwalk, shopping held our interest. It was fun for me to see what the others thought looked good.

Holly admitted to me that she originally thought it was strange that I liked to dress as a girl, even stranger when I decided I wanted to be a girl at times. Holly said, because of you, our school probably has more guys who have worn makeup and or dressed as a girl at least once.”

I asked Holly and Trudy if they had done something like that with a date or boyfriend. Trudy paused and then said, “Well, I don’t think I’d tell you if I did, but Travis is bigger and too manly anyway.”

Debra said, “There are some entertainers, sports people, and singers that look manly but also look good with long hair, maybe jewelry, or even a silk shirt or blouse.” Deb said, “Besides, I find Lucas attractive as a guy.”

The night before we were to go away for the first week; I asked my mother if I could get an injection of the testosterone blocker.

Mom said, “Well your blood was tested the last time we were to the doctor. I could call when the doctor’s office opens up and find out what the doctor thinks.”

It would cause us to delay going away by a day, but the doctor was able to see us as Her last appointment of the day. Dr. Shannon Isley greeted us warmly. “Your blood work has an interesting discovery for us. Your testosterone is low enough to indicate why you haven’t been noticing traditional changes as a male. But it is high enough to interfere with your body feminizing either.”

She let what she said to sink in, before saying, “If I give you a testosterone blocker today, it wouldn’t mean a lasting change in itself. But it might give you a better perception of your experience as a young woman.” She paused again, “If I do so, I will want to see you within thirty days for us to talk further.”

I said, “I want the injection, but I’m not ready to say I want to be just Laura, and not include Lucas…”

To be continued…