by Torey
Chapter 1
She hadn't seen Nicki, as she once known him, since he was four. That was eight long years ago. She finished college early, was about to become a mother for the first time and was seeing her father, who was dying of cancer.
She enjoyed playing with her brother, a blond-headed cherub with curly hair who reminded her of her youngest daughter, Kayla.
"Does he even remember me?" she thought as the plane touched down on the runway in Boston.
It was a sad situation. Her father, Michael Taylor, divorced her mother when she was young. He moved to Boston and later married Nicholas’s mother, Karen, a woman neither she nor her mother ever got along with.
She visited her father and stepmother during the summers and over the holidays. But it all stopped when her father died. She was not allowed any contact with her brother after that.
It was only a month ago that she learned of her stepmother's death. One of her father's cousins told her about it. She became angry when she found out her brother was living with her stepmother's brother and they didn't want him.
They were thinking about placing him in a foster home.
That all seemed like water under the bridge when her taxi pulled up to the high-rise building for her meeting with her stepmother's attorney. She felt a lump in her throat as the elevator reached the floor of the attorney's office.
"Ms. Meggs, Ms. Lawrence is expecting you," the receptionist said.
She walked down the hallway, where a woman in her fifties waited for her.
"You must be Amanda?" the woman said. "I'm Julie Lawrence. Come in and have a seat."
She had to admit she felt like she was in high school, in the principal's office, in trouble.
"Relax, this won't take to long," Ms. Lawrence said. "I have to admit, I was a bit surprised to hear from you. Do you have the paperwork from your attorney. Mr. Michaels seems like a very nice man. He was very complimentary of you."
"They're right here," she said, reaching for the papers out of her brief case.
"They seem to be in working order, Ms. Meggs, or may I call you Amanda?" Ms. Lawrence said.
"Amanda's fine–" she replied.
"I have to admit, I was skeptical when I first heard of your situation," Ms. Lawrence said. "You're only 28. It seems like you have your hands full with an 8-year-old and a 4-year-old. But I'm told you are a very capable accountant and mother, according to references Mr. Michaels sent."
"I wouldn't have applied for custody if I didn't think I could do it," she said.
"What made you decide you wanted custody of Nicholas?" Ms. Lawrence asked.
"He's my brother," she said. "He belongs with me."
"I'm glad you think that way," Ms. Lawrence said. "Too bad my client didn't think that way. She wouldn't have left him with her brother in her will."
"I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want Nicki," she answered.
"Didn't Mr. Michaels tell you?" Ms. Lawrence said. "Nicholas is...well...a gender-variant child...I guess that is what they are calling it now. The Lancasters couldn't handle that. I do seriously wander if you can."
"Mr. Michaels did mention to me something about Nicki crossdressing," she replied. "Are you saying that Nicki's transgendered?"
"I really don't know how to answer that question, Ms. Meggs," Ms. Lawrence said. "Your stepmother never took him to a therapist. She tried her best to discourage his cross-dressing, as have the Lancasters. They think it’s an embarassment. They are looking forward to your taking him off their hands."
That remark she found upsetting. That made her want to take her brother home even more.
"I'll gladly take him off their hands," she said. "I'm ready to take him home where he belongs."
Chapter 2
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Chapter 2
Amanda found the Lancasters a very cold couple. Their personality seemed to fit the stately home in which they lived.
She held her peace and was as polite as she could be as they spun tales of what a burden Nicholas had been on them. It angered her every time they talked about punishing him for cross-dressing or acting like a girl.
"How was she going to handle it?," Madlyne Lancaster asked her.
"I don't know," she said. "I intend to act in his best interest. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it after we get home."
The truth is she didn't know how she would respond. All she knew was that she was going to provide a loving home for her little brother.
During her conversation with the Lancasters, she noticed her brother shyly, walking gingerly down the stairs. The cherub face that she saw when he was four was there, but very sad. The locks were gone from his hair. The Lancasters had his hair buzzed. They didn't want it long or looking feminine.
She smiled at him, put her arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Nicki, I've missed you so much," she said as she hugged him tightly.
He spoke not a word, but appreciated the warmth. She held his head close to her heart. She hoped he sensed he could trust her.
"Are his things packed?" she asked. "We can't stay long. The girls are waiting for us to get back."
Mrs. Lancaster assured her Nicholas' things were packed up and ready to go. They helped her packed them into the trunk of the taxi.
The trip to the airport was a quiet one. She asked Nicholas questions. He answered politely. She knew it might be sometime before he opened up, especially after all he went through.
She made him hold her hand tight as they walked through the busy airport, just as she had her girls do.
"I know you're 12, but I don't someone to snatch you," she said as they boarded the plane. She also hoped it would send him a message how much she cared for him."
She spent most of the flight back across the country telling him about his new home. She also told him about her daughters.
"Here they are," she said, showing him pictures of the two girls. "They're your nieces–or maybe your sisters now. They're really looking forward to you coming home. I really hope they'll become your closest friends. Here's Kayla, you had hair just like hers when you were her age. You could have been twins."
She noticed that brought a smile to his face.
"You want your hair to grow back out, don't you?" she asked.
He nodded his head "yes".
"Wanna know a secret?" she asked him in a whisper. "I'll let you grow it any length you want."
He smiled again.
"This is Amber," she said, pointing to her other daughter. "Her birthday is tomorrow. We're going to have a double party when we get home, for you and her. I promised her she can get her ears pierced tomorrow,"
"I asked mom if I could get my ears pierced once," Nicholas said. "She got very mad."
She gave him a big hug.
"I think Amber would like it if you two got your ears pierced together," she said. "I don't think there's any harm in that. Do you still want to get them pierced?"
Again he nodded his head "yes".
She was amazed how short the flight seemed. Nicholas began to open up some before they landed.
Waiting for them at the arrival gate was her mother, Amber and Kayla.
"How was your flight?" her mother asked. "Nicholas you've grown since the last time I've seen you."
"You can call her grandma if you like," Kayla whispered to him.
They gathered the luggage and headed for the car.
"Let's go home!" Amanda said as they loaded into the vehicle.
She hoped Nicholas knew that finally he was going to be home.
Chapter 3
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Chapter 3
"This is your room, I hope you like it," Amanda told her brother as they brought his things into his room from the car. "I didn't know how to decorate it. I didn't know what you like. I want you to do with it what you wish."
Nicholas looked around the room. It was light blue. Sitting on the dresser were four pictures in frames. One was of him and Amanda during her last visit to see him. He was only four and she was pregnant with Amber. There were photos of Amber and Kayla and there was his baby picture.
"It's good," he said as he unpacked a couple of boxes. Amanda was folding his clothes. Amber was bringing in as many boxes as she could. Kayla tried to help, well as much as a preschooler could.
"Wow, you have a unicorn collection, too?" Amber said after opening one of Nicholas' boxes.
"Yes," Nicholas said. The collection was his most cherished possession. It was the one thing, an obsession, that his mother and aunt and uncle allowed him to keep that was at all feminine.
"Mom also has a unicorn collection!," Amber said.
"Yes I do," Amanda said as she looked up from her work of folding clothes. "Oh my gosh…you still have that one?"
Nicholas was holding a light blue unicorn with purple hair. On its side was written the name "Mandy" in a child's hand writing.
"Yes, she was my first," Nicholas said. Amanda had given it to him during her last visit years ago.
"She's special," he said, cradling it in his arms. "I gave her a special name."
"You named her for mom?" Amber asked in noticing the name on the side. He nodded his head yes.
Amanda fought the tears coming from her eyes. She didn't even know he remembered.
"Let me show you something," she said, leading him to her room. She showed him her shelf full of unicorns,
She pointed to a pink unicorn with purple hair.
"Mandy was part of a set with her," she said. "Mandy is the only unicorn I've ever given away. Do you know why?"
He shook his head no.
"I wanted to give her to a special person, you!" Amanda said.
"Well, I've got to get down and help your grandmother with supper," Amanda told Amber. "Think you three can finish things up here?"
They shook their heads, almost in unison before Amanda went downstairs.
"You've got to be tired," said her mother, Kathryn Taylor. "That long flight you two had. Do you have him settled in his room."
"I think so," Amanda said. "I'm amazed how little clothes he had. Surely they bought him more than that. He really didn't have a whole lot of toys either. What did they do with Karen's money? She wasn't broke. Neither was dad."
"Who knows?" her mother said. "Your father married into a strange family. I really feel sorry for Nicholas having to grow up with them."
Amanda helped her mother prepare the spaghetti, the bread and a small cake.
It wasn't long before the kids came running down the stairs.
"Mom, Nickie wants to ask you something," Amber said. "Go ahead, she won't mind."
"Umm–umm––" he stammered.
"Go ahead, I'm listening," Amanda said.
"Can I play Barbies with them?," Nicholas said with a voice just above a whisper.
"Of course you can," Amanda said, kissing him on the forehead,
"Mom never let me play with dolls," Nicholas said.
"You'll find things are a little different around here," Amanda said.
"See, I told ya!" Amber said before the three went trampling back up the
stairs and into the girls' room.
"I don't know what the harm is with letting him play with dolls," Amanda said almost in disgust to her mother.
"Well, Karen Taylor wasn't exactly the most pleasant woman in the world," her mother said. "How she managed to raise such a sweet child, I'll never know."
"Well mom, I've scheduled him an appointment to talk with Andrea," Amanda said.
"Do you think it will help him?" her mother asked.
"Well, she helped me when I was going through the divorce," Amanda said of her former college friend, who was now a therapist. "She helped the girls, too. I told her about the cross-dressing. But he's got more issues than just that. Karen dying. Dad dying when he was little. A new home across the country. He's had a lot on his plate."
She couldn't help but think what Nicholas might be thinking when she went upstairs to get the children for dinner. She peaked in first and listened as they talked and played.
She smiled as she heard him make car noises as he pushed the car with his Barbie and the girls' Barbies as they pretended to go to the movies.
"Well, I hate to break up the fun, but supper's ready," she said.
She marched them downstairs. She patted Nicholas on the back.
"It looks like you three were having fun," she said.
"Um huh," he said.
"One of these days I'm going to get more than Um huh out of you," Amanda said.
She smiled as she watched him eat. It looked like he hadn't had a good meal in years the way he devoured his food. They also enjoyed a little cake.
"You know we'll be eating cake tomorrow, too," Amber told Nicholas.
"We're having a party for Amber's birthday," Amanda said. "All of her buds from ballet class will be here."
"Then we're going to the mall to get my ears pierced," Amber said.
"You mean we're going to the mall to get our ears pierced," Nicholas said.
"You’re getting yours done too? Neat," Amber said. "I've picked out a pair of pink butterfly earrings. It would be neat if we could get pairs just alike."
Nicholas gave Amanda a strange look.
"Well, maybe Nickie will find another pair that he likes," she said. But if he wants butterfly earrings, he can have them."
Nicholas smiled back at his older sister.
"Well, it's about time for baths," Amanda said, looking over at Kayla, who managed to get spaghetti sauce all over her face.
"Nicholas, you go pick something out to wear to bed while I get the girls ready," she said.
She marched the two girls into the bathroom after they picked out their nightgowns. She gave them a bath and washed their hair. Kayla was disappointed that Nicholas couldn't take a bath with them.
"Well–he's a boy–and he's a little bit too old," she said, and headed into Nicholas’s room.
He had a pair of underwear on the bed. No pajamas.
"Wait just a second," she said. She returned to the room with one of her t-shirts.
It was pink, with a unicorn on the front. It had "Mandy" on the back.
"Hope you don't mind," she said. "I got this at the beach one year."
He smiled and took the clothes into the bathroom. He hopped into the tub that Amanda had already prepared for him, bubble bath and all.
After popping "High School Musical" into the DVD player for about the 100th time, she went back downstairs to say goodbye to her mother and get a cup of coffee.
"I appreciate everything," she told her mother. "I'm exhausted. I bet Nickie is too. Hopefully, the girls won't have trouble going to sleep."
She savored her quiet time for a little while, then went upstairs to check on the kids.
She smiled when she saw them, all three asleep side-by-side on Amber's bed. Nicholas was in the middle. Amber had one arm on his back. Kayla had one arm on his back too. He had both his arms on them.
She almost chuckled. Her long t-shirt looked more like a nightgown on her brother. Her daughters had their nightgowns on, too.
It was too cute a scene to pass up. She went and got a digital camera and took a photo.
"They'll probably kill me when they're older," she thought.
She then put the photo on the screen of her computer with the words; "Mandy's three angels sleeping."
Chapter 4
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Chapter 4
"Mom, can we go outside to twirl the baton?" Amber asked her mother as her birthday party entered full swing.
"Sure," Amanda said, thinking the house would become a little quieter. The mothers at the party needed a little break from the giggling and the yelling of girls from preteen age on down. She had a house full.
She took particular interest when Nicholas came bounding down the stairs with Sara Lewis and Meredith Baker, two girls his age who were also in Amber's dance class.
"He's got a cool unicorn collection, Ms. Meggs, it looks just like yours," Sara said.
"Why thank you, so what do you have planned?" she asked the trio.
"Oh, we're going to help the little girls learn how to twirl batons, too," Meredith said.
"Well, that should be fun," Amanda said.
"So Nick, are you just going to watch?" asked Anna Baker, Meredith's mom.
"Oh, we're going to show Nickie how to twirl, too," Sara said.
He nodded, still being a little shy.
"Poor boys, if they are the only ones at a party like this, they sort of get roped into those things," Julia Lewis–Sara's mom said.
"Yeah, I guess they do," Amanda replied, knowing full well that Nicholas wanted to be doing the things they were doing.
"So, how is he adjusting?" Anna said.
"Well, it's only been a couple of days, but he seems to be doing okay," Amanda said. "They're letting me off work for two weeks to help. Thank goodness it's summer and school doesn't start for another four weeks."
"Will he be attending Franklin Middle with Sara and Meredith?" Julia asked.
"Yeah, we got the paperwork done and the transcripts sent even before I picked him up in Boston," Amanda said. "I didn't want a whole lot of hassle once we got out back here. I figured it was going to be tough enough of an adjustment for us as it is."
"How are the girls handling it?" Anna asked.
"Believe it or not, great so far," Amanda said. "The three of them have been clinging to one another since he's been here. Amber and Kayla haven't had even one fight."
"Hey you guys, look at this!" Julia said peeking out the window, making sure the girls weren't getting into trouble. "This is so cute."
The girls were gathered in a circle as Nicholas took his turn at twirling the baton.
"You know, for a first time, not bad," Meredith said as he finished.
"Maybe we can teach you well enough you can join us with the Dixie Darlings," Sara said.
"I'm sure she's just joking," Julia giggled to Amanda about the twirling team Meredith and Sara were on. In fact, most of the girls at the party were also on the team at different levels, right down to Kayla's age.
"Well, it's time to bring them in for food and cake," Amanda said before the trio of mothers went out and gathered their crew.
Nicholas ceased from being center stage. The focus was on Amber as she tore into her presents of CDs, DVDs, clothes and a couple of dolls.
"This is a lot of cool stuff, thanks you guys!" she said. "Nickie, we've got a lot of cool music to listen to!"
"Oh, lucky you," Anna said sarcastically to Amanda.
"I'll just tell them to keep it down," Amanda said.
It didn't take long for the party to wind down. Usually, Amber had a sleepover. But that would have been a little much on Nicholas' full day with them. It was also cut a little short because of dance class that night.
Amber wanted to have enough time to go to the mall to get those earrings she was looking forward to getting. Deep down inside, Nicholas was looking forward to that trip, too.
"You know, you should come tonight to dance class," Sara said to Nicholas as they were leaving the party.
He didn't know what to say. Deep down, he wanted to.
"I'm sure mom will let you go with me," Amber whispered. "After we go to the mall, I'll ask her.
Nicholas had to admit he admired Amber. She was four years younger than he was, but way more bolder.
"Wow! It's really quiet in here now that everyone's left," Amanda said. "If you two will help me clean things up in the kitchen, we'll get ready to go to the mall."
"Can I help, too, mommy," little Kayla asked. Her face was covered with cake and ice cream.
"Of course you can, but I'll have to get you cleaned up first," she said with a laugh.
"Nickie, put the cake in the fridge and the ice cream in the freezer," she said. "Amber, put away the chips and the cookies. Both of you start putting the dishes in the dishwasher.
They worked like two busy little beavers until Amanda came back down stairs with a much cleaner Kayla.
"You think Lindsey will be working today, mom?" Amber asked. Lindsey was heir baby sitter. She also worked at the mall to earn a little extra money.
"She may be," Amanda said. "I'm sure she has your earrings picked out and have them waiting for you when we get there if she doesn't."
Lindsey was in fact waiting at the store when they arrived.
"This is Claire's, they've got lots of neat stuff, Nickie," Amber said, wanting to show him around.
"Well, well, there's the birthday girl!" a voice said as they were looking at an assortment of pins and rings.
"Lindsay!" shouted Amber, pulling Nicholas by the hand to show him off to her, and soon to be his, baby sitter.
"You must be Nickie," the pretty brown headed college student said. "Oh my gosh, Amanda, you can tell they're related!. He looks just like the girls.
"Doesn't he, though?" Amanda said. "Kayla looks just like Nickie when he was her age."
Suddenly Amber got a little quiet. "Aren't we forgetting something?" she chimed in.
"Oh yeah," Lindsey said. "Here they are."
She pulled out a box with pink butterfly earrings.
"They are pretty," Lindsey said. "Shall we go put them in?"
"Umm...not yet, Nickie wants some to," Amber said.
"Do you really?" Lindsey said, patting him on the head. "We've got some boys earrings that will look really nice."
Nicholas paused, looking back at Amanda.
"Well, honey, if you want some like Amber's, tell her," Amanda said reassuringly. "But you can only wear them around the house. You'll get teased if you wear them at school."
Lindsey at first looked puzzled. Then she went and got another box, with a pair that looked exactly like Amber's.
"You know, I think they'll look really pretty in your ears," she told Nicholas.
She then led them to two couches side by side, with a table to lay their heads.
"Is this going to hurt?" Nicholas asked as he looked over at Amber.
"It will probably sting just a little," Amanda said as her daughter and brother reached out and grabbed each others hands.
It stung only for a few seconds. The Amber dragged Nicholas over to the mirror.
"Wow, we could be twins," Amber said.
"You two look really glamorous," Lindsey said.
"Well, my two little divas, we've got to go, Amber's got to get ready for ballet," Amanda said with a laugh as she went to the counter and paid for the earrings. "Lindsey, thanks for being understanding. See you in two weeks?"
"Oh yes, ’bye kids!" Lindsey said. "And Nickie, welcome to the family!"
"Did you hear mom call us her two little divas?" Amber asked Nicholas.
Nicholas was a little embarrassed. Happy, but still a little embarrassed. But both were happy on the drive back home.
"Just let me ask mom, but first we have some things to do," Amber said as they pulled into the driveway.
"Amber, hurry up, you know Madame Ruth doesn't like for anyone to be late," Amanda said as the two children went running up stairs.
"You know, if you're going to take ballet with us, you've got to have something to wear," she said after they entered her room.
Nicholas shook his head and then nodded.
"You aren't much bigger than me," Amber said. She then tossed him a pairof pink tights and a black leotard. "They'll fit you. Rush to put them on. Mom will have to put my hair into a bun."
He went into his room, pulled off his clothes, and pulled the tights and leotard on. He looked at himself in the mirror. He really didn't know what to think.
"You look like a real dancer," Amber said. "Grab some socks to wear since you don't have shoes. Now let's go surprise mom."
"Amber get down here, we're going to run late," they heard Amanda shout.
Amanda was a little stunned when they both came down the stairs. One reason she was stunned was that Nicholas actually looked like a girl even with the buzz haircut. He still had his butterfly earrings in, as did Amber.
Another reason, well–this was the first time she'd actually seen him in girls’ clothes. Playing with Barbies, twirling a baton, even wearing earrings, no matter how girlish, was one thing.
This was another thing entirely.
"He wants to take class with us tonight," Amber said. "He didn't have anything else to wear."
"You sure you want to do this?" Amanda said. "You might get teased."
Nicholas nodded.
"Well okay," she said, slapping them both on their leotarded behinds. "We've got to go. But both of you put on sweat pants to cover up."
This should be really interesting, she thought, as they headed out the door.
Amanda thought about the previous day’s events as she sat in the waiting room at the therapist's office. Nicholas's appearance at the ballet school caught quite a few people off guard. Madame Ruth mistook him for a girl. Some of the girls in class were really surprised, but the parents were even more shocked.
Actually most were more understanding. He wore girls clothes until he could get boys' dancewear. and most of the girls were very nice to him–although a couple giggled. Most of the parents were kind to him, too. He had fun, that was the main thing. And Madame Ruth was impressed with how well he picked things up despite only being in his first ballet class.
He'll only wear the tights and leotard for a couple of more classes, Amanda told Ruth, until the proper boy’s uniform she would try to order came in. Still, it sort of prepared both Amanda and Nicholas for things to come.
"Nicholas, sit out here and wait, I need to talk to your sister," said Andrea Dornan, the therapist who was a former college friend of Amanda's.
"Come in, Amanda, and have a seat," Andrea said. She was curious how the first session went.
"You're right, he's gone through a lot," Andrea said. "If he's telling me the truth, he really didn't have a pleasant home life with his mother. And the aunt and uncle, well I believe he went through a few months of emotional abuse, maybe physical, too, but I can't be certain."
That, Amanda thought, might explain why he felt so withdrawn at times.
"He fears being abandoned again," Andrea continued. "He really needs assurance. He's very lucky to have you."
"I'm very lucky to have him," Amanda said. "He is as much my child as Amber and Kayla are."
"I am very glad to hear you say that," Andrea said. "He looks up to you. He very much needs your reassurance of that, especially with what he is still going through."
"Did he mention anything else?" Amanda asked, wondering if Andrea were going to get around to Nicholas's gender issues.
"I think I know what you're asking about," Andrea said. "With all else he has going on, yes, he has some gender issues going on inside that head of his. He tells me he wants to be a girl. He tells me he is a girl."
"So you're telling me he's transgendered?" Amanda asked.
"I can't say for sure after just one session," Andrea said. "He might just be going through a phase. Some children do. But at his age, there is some concern. Most children usually go through it a little earlier if it's only a phase."
"What should we do about it?," Amanda said, her mind racing a mile a minute.
"After only one session, I'm not comfortable coming to a conclusion on that," Andrea said. "There are generally three ways of approaching it. The first would be to deny him any of those feelings, much like your stepmother and his aunt and uncle did. The hope being he'll grow out of it."
That clearly didn't work, Amanda thought.
"The other extreme, there are some parents with transgender children who allow them to live completely as the opposite gender," Andrea said. "I don't know if he is ready for that. I don't know if you're ready for that."
"The other approach?" Amanda asked.
"I think you already know the answer," Andrea said. "Tell me what you feel you should do."
"Andrea, that's hard for me to fully answer," Amanda said. "I want Nikki to be whoever he or she is inside. But I'm scared for him–I mean what if the world rejects who that beautiful person is? I'm probably going to say I'll use a little moderation, that's just the protective mother I am."
"That is the approach I'm hoping you take," Andrea said. "Like I said, it's still too early to draw any real conclusions. But there is one thing you need to be aware of because of his age."
"What's that?" Amanda asked.
"He is about to go through puberty," Andrea said. "That can be a total nightmare to any transgendered child. If he still shows these tendencies after a few more sessions, you might want to consider putting him on hormone blockers."
"Hormone blockers?" Amanda asked.
"They basically put off puberty for a little while longer," Andrea said. "If he's not transgendered, you could quit at any time. If he is, he'd continue to taking them until he reached the age when he could take female hormones. Then he would develop more feminine features. This is a lot to think about, I know."
"It's a ton to think about," Amanda said, feeling the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
"I'm treating a 13-year-old girl who wants to be a boy right now," Andrea said. "We've got her on hormone blockers. I can contact her–or should I say his–mother. You two might could provide some support to each other."
"Sure, that would be great," Amanda said before leaving.
"Sorry it took so long my love," she told Nicholas as they walked to the car. "I know you talked a lot to Andrea. Did you feel okay talking to her?"
"She was okay," Nicholas said. "She seemed really nice."
He was still a little more stoic than Amanda would have preferred. But after all that he had been through, Amanda couldn't blame him.
"Mandy, can I ask you a question?" Nicholas asked her on the ride home.
"Sure, what is it?" Amanda replied.
"I know you're my sister…but Amber and Kayla call you mom," Nicholas said.
"Yes?…" Amanda said.
"I mean, they're my nieces, but they are more like my little sisters," he said. "Would you be mad if I call you mom...or momma sometimes like they do?"
Amanda tried to fight her tears. "Oh, baby, if you want to call me mom, that's very much okay," she replied. "You are just as much my baby as Amber and Kayla are…don't you forget that!"
Amber, Kayla and Amanda's mother were waiting on the porch when they pulled into the driveway.
"How did it go?" Amanda's mother asked.
"It went fine," Amanda answered. "We've just got an interesting road ahead for us, don't we, sweatpea?"
Nicholas seemed a little embarrassed by the nickname, but nodded yes.
"I thought I would take Kayla and Amber with me tonight in case there were some things you needed to talk about with Nikki," Amanda's mother said.
"Actually, I want Amber here, she's got to hear part of what's going on too," Amanda said. "But go ahead and take Kayla with you. I'll have to figure out how to tell her what's going on with Nikki."
"Bye, little one…you get to spend a night with grandma," she told Kayla. "I'll get your things."
"But I want Nikki to go with us!" she protested.
"Maybe another night, little one," Amanda's mother said. "We'll have fun. We'll watch the Disney Channel tonight."
She protested a little more, but it didn't do any good. Amanda brought clothes for Kayla to wear.
"Give momma a kiss," she said. "Be a good little girl"
"Can Nikki give me a kiss?" Kayla said.
"Why of course I can," he said, pecking her on the forehead. "See you tomorrow."
‘Now was the day of reckoning,’ Amanda thought, sitting both Nicholas and Amber down at the kitchen table.
Amber was wide-eyed as Amanda told her everything that Nicholas had told Andrea. "So you really want to be a girl?" she asked him.
He nodded his head ‘yes’.
"Does this mean you're my big sister or my aunt?" she asked.
Nicholas looked at Amanda, searching for answer.
"It's a little more complicated than that, dear," Amanda said. "But if you want to consider Nikki your big sister at home, you can. But we're really going to have to lay some ground rules."
The ground rules were pretty clear. Nicholas could dress as a girl, behave as a girl, at home, or at other places where people were understanding and tolerant. At school, he had to be a boy. Even in ballet, once his boys' dancewear came, he was to be a boy.
"If you still believe you are a girl, I'll be with you every step of the way," Amanda assured Nicholas. "But you have to understand, there are some cruel people who may not accept you. I'm going to do what I can to protect you. I'm going to be like a mama lion protecting my cub."
She gave Nicholas a hug. They both wept.
"You're a girl to me, sis," Amber whispered.
"Okay, girls, follow me up to the attic," Amanda said.
"She called you a girl," Amber whispered to Nicholas. He–or she–really appreciated it.
Amber was amazed by all of the stuff in storage in the attic. She was never allowed up there before. Amanda drug out a large box with clothes in it.
"These were my clothes when I was younger," Amanda said. "You’re about my size when I was your age. I was going to give some of these to Amber and Kayla, but you can pass them down to them."
"Okay," Nicholas said.
She pulled out a pair of faded jeans with holes, writing and a purple peace sign on the back. She then pulled out a spaghetti strapped top. She measured both up against his body.
"Take these to that bathroom over there and try them on Nicole," Amanda said.
Nicholas and Amber gazed at each other with strange looks on their faces.
"Around here, you will be Nicole as long as you want to be," Amanda said. "We'll always call you Nikki–she made sure she spelled it out that way. At school, or in public, you are Nicholas. And if you ever want to go back to being Nicholas all the time, that will be fine."
"Okay, mom," Nicholas–Nicole–said before she went into the bathroom to change clothes. She noticed that her top left her midriff showing.
"You look cool, sis!" Amber said after she emerged.
Amanda thought of the earrings that she bought for Nicole. Maybe the butterflies symbolized who she was. She showed flashes over the last two days of emerging from that cocoon she was trapped in.
Amanda wasn't apologizing for giving her a small chance to spread her wings.
She then put a scarf Amber called a "doo" rag on her head.
They spent the next couple of hours sizing up skirts, dresses, shorts, pants and tops. It was enough for a little bit of wardrobe.
Then she smiled as she pulled out another item from the box.
"I can't believe I kept this," she said as she pulled out a spangled leotard.
She sized it up to Nicole.
"It will be fun to see you in this, this is my old Dixie Darlings twirling outfit," Amanda said with a laugh. "It goes with those white boots over there."
"Do you want me to try them on mom?" Nicole said.
"Not right now, we have an errand to go on," Amanda said. "Grab those sandals and see if they fit."
They did, amazingly enough.
"Amber, go get the nail polish on my dresser," Amanda said.
Amber ran downstairs and grabbed a bottle.
Amanda then painted both of her "girls" fingers and toes and told them to get in the car.
"Where are we going?" Nicole asked.
"We've got a little shopping to do," Amanda said as they took a little road trip out of town.
They pulled up to the mall in Leesburg.
"No one knows us here," she thought.
"There is a tradition that moms take their daughters to get a training bras when they reach 11 or 12," Amanda said. "You're 12, Nicole. One of these days you'll get breasts if you stay on this journey, either through hormones or surgery. But I don't see any reason why we can't keep this tradition."
They walked into a department store and headed to the juniors department.
"Go over there and pick out a pack of panties," Amanda said. "Take Amber with you. I don't want anything slutty or outrageous."
She went over and picked out a pack of modest briefs. She also got some ankle socks.
Amanda then came over with four bras on hangers. All were modest, although a couple had little bows. She also picked out a couple of nightgowns.
"Let's take them in the dressing room and take a look," Amanda said.
She made sure Nicole modelled each of them.
"They all look very nice on you, sweetie," she said as Nicole put her top back on.
Things were going to change. Amanda hoped things were going to change for the better.
But she also felt there were going to be some major challenges ahead.
“First position, ladies and gentleman,” Madame Ruth said at the beginning of the ballet class.
Nicole’s boys’ dancewear had not come in so she was still wearing a pair of Amber’s tights and a leotard. The class was bliss for her.
She wasn’t wearing the earrings. For all everyone knew in the class, except Amber, he was still Nicholas.
“Demi plié, relevée’, demi plié’, grande plié,” Madame Ruth said as the music played.
The words were foreign to her, but she tried her best to remember them. She felt beautiful, graceful as she tried to do the steps correctly.
“You’re doing good,” whispered Meredith, who was in front of her at the barre.
Sara was on the other side.
They both had taken Nicole–or as they thought, Nicholas–under their wing during class.
Madame Ruth could be kind of tough, she thought, but helpful.
“Knee straight during the tendue Nicholas,” she said. “Point your feet.”
The class was very challenging. From the barre, they went to center where they worked on different types of jumps.
“This is pretty tough,” Nicole whispered to Amber.
They did some turns across the room before the end of class.
Finally came curtsies, although Nicole, as Nicholas, was shown how to do a bow.
“Very good, class,” Madame Ruth said at the end. “You’ve worked very hard today.” She told them the summer session would end in two weeks. The older students would go into another class once the regular session began.
Madame Ruth put her arm around Nicole at the end of class. “You’ve done very good for just three classes,” she said. “If you stick with it, you will make a beautiful dancer like Amber.”
She and Amber put their sweats on over their dance clothes and waited for Amanda to arrive.
“We’re going to be in different classes when the school year begins,” Amber said. “There will be a lot more girls taking classes. But you’ll have Sara and Meredith to show you the ropes.”
Just then Amanda walked into the lobby with Kayla in tow.
“Nikki, Amber are you ready to go?” she asked.
“Yes, mom,” they replied almost in unison.
“Well, girls, how was class?” she asked when they were walking through the parking lot to get to the car.
“It was fun,” Nicole said.
“It was more than fun, mom, you should have seen Nikki,” Amber said. “Madame Ruth thinks she’s a natural.”
“Oh, she thinks Amber’s a natural, too,” Nicole said.
“Doesn’t surprise me,” Amanda said. “You both get it from your mother.”
Nicole gave her a strange look.
“I know you’re really my half-sister,” Amanda whispered. “But you still get it from my side of the family.”
While they were driving home, Amanda informed them they were having company over for dinner.
“I guess, I’ve got to be Nicholas then,” Nicole said, sounding really disappointed.
“No, actually, you can be Nicole if you like,” Amanda said, knowing it would bring a smile to her newly-emerged daughter’s face.
Nicole and Amber both wondered who the company was that would allow Nicole to stay in “girl mode.”
“Go get changed, then come down and help me get things ready in the kitchen,” Amanda said after they got home.
Nicole raced to her room, pulled her dance clothes off, put a pair of panties on and looked in her closet. Just then Amber walked in.
“Which dress do you think would look nice for supper?” Nicole asked, showing her a couple of dresses.
“I think the green one would look good on you,” Amber replied.
Nicole held it against her body and looked in the mirror.
“I think you’re right,” she said.
She then tried to slip on her bra, but had trouble hooking it up at the back.
“Mom, I need you,” she yelled.
Amanda came bounding upstairs.
“Having trouble?” she asked with a laugh. “You’re going to have to learn how to hook it up in the back. It’s going to be a few years before your husband will be there to hook it, or unhook it for you.”
Nicole gave her an uneasy look.
“Well, if you end up going back to being Nicholas, you may not like boys,” Amanda said. “But if you truly want to end up as Nicole, who knows, you might find that you’ll like them.”
Amanda then realized her little joke opened up another can of worms.
“We’re not ready for that yet,” she added quickly, kissing Nicole on the head.
“Hurry up and get ready, I need your help in the kitchen.”
Nicole and Amber both proved big help in the kitchen. They helped set the
table just before the doorbell rang.
“Nicole, be a dear and get the door,” Amanda said.
Nicole opened the door. A woman and two boys walked in.
“Gina, you didn’t have any trouble finding the house, then?” Amanda called.
“Oh, no, you gave very good directions,” Gina said.
Gina introduced her two boys. Sam was the oldest, was about Nicole’s age. Luke was about Amber’s age.
They seemed really nice, Nicole thought. Sam was a little heavy set, with a buzz haircut much like the one Nicole had just a couple of weeks earlier, although Nicole’s, thankfully, was growing out a little.
They were a much different looking family. All three had dark hair. Amanda and her girls all had blonde hair.
“So, Nicole,” Gina asked, “how do you like going to Andrea?”
“She’s really nice,” Nicole said. “I like talking to her.”
“Sam goes to her, too,” Gina said.
Nicole didn’t take to much of a hint about why Sam also went to her.
“Nicole, Amber, why don’t you take the boys upstairs and show them your toys while Gina and I talk.”
“They must want to say something private,” Sam whispered Nicole.
“You’re probably right,” Nicole said as they went upstairs.
“You would never think that Sam was really a girl,” Amanda remarked.
“I was going to say the same thing about Nicole really being a boy,” Gina replied.
Gina explained that Sam was already on hormone blockers to keep breasts from developing, or hips.
“It’s probably going to be a lot easier for Sam than Nicole,” Gina said. “Tomboys are a little more accepted, although Sam has already been called ‘butch, dyke and lesbo’.”
“I know,” Amanda said. “I keep thinking maybe Nikki’s going through a phase.”
“I used to think that with Sam,” Gina said. “But Sam never grew out of it. He rebelled about doing anything girly, even though we’ve had a time with some members of our family.”
“Well, Nikki’s had a hard time with members of his real mother’s family,” Amanda said. “My stepmother and her family really tried to scare her in trying to keep her from doing girlish things.”
The conversation was just as deep up in Nikki’s room. Sam couldn’t understand why Nicole passed on being a boy… and vice versa. But then Sam told Nicole something that really threw her off guard.
“You don’t mind if I tell you something, do ya?” Sam asked.
“Well, no?” Nikki answered.
“I think you’re very pretty, one of the prettiest girls I know,” Sam replied.
“Why, Sam, that’s very sweet,” Nikki said.
But then Nikki got serious.
“Do people make fun of you…I mean for wanting to be a boy?”
“Sometimes they do,” Sam said. “I get called butch a lot.”
“Mom thinks people will probably be mean to me because I want to be a girl,” Nikki said.
“They probably will,” Sam said. “It doesn’t matter about what people say about me. But what about you?”
“I don’t know how I’ll take it,” Nikki said. “Mom’s worried about it. But, Sam, I feel like I’m really a girl, how can I stop being something I am?”
“That’s how I feel,” Sam said. “I’m a boy. You’re a girl.”
Just then Luke and Amber come running into the room.
“I’m bored,” Luke said. “All they have is girls’ stuff here.”
“That’s because there nobody but girls here,” Sam said.
“That’s right,” Nikki said. “You’re just going to have to put up with us. What do you say if we put a movie in the DVD player.”
She tried to be sure there was one both boys and girls watch. Nikki put in Lord of the Rings.
“Well I hate to break up this movie fest,” Gina said about halfway through. “Boys, we got to go home.”
Sam grabbed Nikki’s hand as they walked down stairs.
“It was really neat talking to you,” Sam said.
“I was going to say the same thing,” Nicole replied.
“Well, Gina, I enjoyed it,” Amanda said.
“You guys are coming over Saturday, right?” Gina asked.
“Of course,” Amanda responded.
“Girls, be sure to bring your swimsuits,” Gina said.
“They’ve got a pool,” Amanda said.
Sam winked at Nicole as they got in the car to leave. Nicole waved.
“Sis, I think he likes you,” Amber said.
“He does not,” Nicole said, pinching Amber in the arm.
“Girls, what’s going on?” Amanda said.
“Oh nothing, mom!” Nicole said.
“Oh yes there is,” Amber teased. “Nikki’s got a boyfriend. Nikki’s got a boyfriend.”
Nicole looked at herself in the mirror, almost gawkily.
“Why does this have to show so much?” she thought while staring at herself wearing the bikini she was going to wear over Sam’s.
She taped down her “privates’” so she could look like as much of a girl as possible. But that wasn’t the problem.
She didn’t realize the bikini bottom didn’t cover — well -- all of her bottom. She still had, in her opinion, too much flab on her belly. And don’t get her started on her breasts -- or the lack thereof.
“You know, you could wear the one-piece I got you,” Amanda said, peering through the door. “Or you could even go as Nicholas.”
“It’s not that, mom,” Nicole said. She didn’t know how to say what was on her mind.
Amanda walked up and put her arms around her.
“Maybe congratulations are in order, sweetpea,” Amanda said. “You know you’re a normal girl when you worry about your body image. Besides, I think you look cute.”
Actually, Amanda was a bit amazed. Nicole still had a little baby fat on her, which made her body look a little more feminine than perhaps a 12-year-old boy’s should.
She tossed Nicole a t-shirt and a pair of cut-off blue jeans and grabbed the girl’s hands.
“You did this all by yourself?” she asked, admiring the job Nicole did on her fingers and toes.
“Um huh,” Nicole replied. “You taught me well.”
“Can we talk, sweetie?” Amanda said. “Amber and Kayla are taking their time, so I thought we needed to chat.”
“Yes, mom?” Nicole replied.
“You’ve been having nightmares, haven’t you?” Amanda asked.
“Yeah.”.
“What about?” Amanda asked.
“I was back in Boston,” Nicole said. “Uncle Jim took a belt to me for wearing my cousin Shanna’s clothes. My aunt, too. They’d call me ‘queer’ and ‘faggot’. I keep having the same dream over and over.”
“Was it really liked that, I know I haven’t asked you about that?” Amanda asked.
Nicole fought back the tears. “Yes, yes, it was,” she sobbed, trembling.
“And I had another dream, too.”
“I was getting married,” she continued. “I was in a wedding gown. Amber and Kayla were my bridesmaids, all grown up. You were sitting where the bride’s mother’s supposed to sit. Sam was the groom. But then my real mom came in --she was alive -- ripped off my dress and slapped me. ‘Boys aren’t supposed to do that,’ she yelled at me!”
“Oh wow!” Amanda said. She was amazed to hear Nicole describe her dreams in such a way.
“Are you sure you’re only twelve? You sound so grown up,” Amanda said. “Even if Karen were alive, I’m still your real mother, so don’t you ever forget it.”
Nicole nodded her head, still crying. They embraced.
“I do want to ask you a few questions,” Amanda said. “I know a lot has to be going through your mind.”
Nicole nodded her head ‘yes’.
“How do you feel about being Nicole, I mean, all the time?” Amanda said.
“That’s who I want to be, it’s what I want to do,” Nicole answered. “But I’m scared, Mom.”
“You have a right to be,” Amanda said.
“I mean, what if people are like my mother used to be, or my aunt and uncle?” Nicole said. “What if nobody wants to be around me? What if they want to hurt me? I’m scared Sara and Meredith will hate me. Besides Sam, Amber and Kayla, they are the only friends I got.”
“Those are real concerns, sweetheart,” Amanda said. “I don’t know entirely what to tell you. That’s why its important we don’t want to go too fast. I know you don’t like being Nicholas, but right now, that’s your safe harbor.”
“But that’s not who I am,” Nicole moaned.
Amanda had hoped that what Nicole was going through was a phase. But deep down, even she could not deny that Nicole was right. The boy was merely an imperfect shell. Inside was a girl trying to get out.
“It’s something we’ll have to bear for a little while,” Amanda said. “One of these days, you’ll be able to emerge completely as Nicole. When that happens, no matter what else happens, I want you to know I’m right here, standing beside my daughter.”
Amanda got a tissue and wiped the tears from Nicole’s face.
“You know, one of these days, I’m going to have to show you how to put on makeup on this pretty face,” Amanda said. “That time is coming all too soon.”
Nicole nodded her head and smiled.
“Mind if I ask you another question?” Amanda asked.
“No?” Nicole replied.
“How do you feel about Sam?” Amanda said, thinking back to the wedding dream.
“He’s nice. It’s good to know someone else going through the same things as I am,” Nicole said.
Amanda dared not pry further.
“Do me a favor,” she said said. “Try not to grow up too fast. I just got my little girl here a few weeks ago.”
Nicole nodded her head ‘yes’.
Amanda preferred the Nicole who played Barbies with her sisters, twirled a baton and danced ballet. She wasn’t really sure she was ready for boys–a.k.a.–Sam.
“Well, are we ready to go?” Amber asked, peeping through the door.
“Yes, we are, little sis!” Nicole said, picking up Kayla, who was carrying a bucket with a little unicorn inside, along with her beach towel.
It helped that Sam didn’t live in the same town. They lived in Hamilton, which was about 15 miles away.
He was on the diving board doing cannon balls when the Meggs clan pulled up in the driveway.
“He’s such a boy!” Nicole said to Amber.
“That he is,” Amanda replied, laughing as they filed out of the car.
“Come on in,” Gina said, holding the door to the wooden fence. She was holding a drink, wearing a swimsuit with a towel wrapped around.
“Gina, how did you get so tanned?” Amanda asked. “We’re so white!”
“Easy, While the boys swim, I just lie by the pool, relax and watch,” Gina replied.
Just then, Sam took another plunge off the diving board, splashing Nicole and Amber, who jumped and squealed.
“They’re such girls!” Luke exclaimed.
“Alright, boys, that’s enough,” Gina said.
“That’s okay, they’re just having a little fun,” Amanda said.
“Girls, lets get a little sunscreen on before you go in,” Amanda said.
Nicole looked down at her body. “Wow, mom was right, she thought, I am pretty white.”
She noticed Sam sort of staring while Amanda applied the sunscreen. She smiled and winked.
The she laid out her towel on a chair next to where Gina’s and Amanda’s were laying. Amber and Kayla hopped in the shallow end of the pool.
“Aren’t you going to hop in?” Sam asked.
“I want to get some sun first,” Nicole said.
“She’s a lady, Sam, you’re going to have to get used to that,” Gina said. “Nikki, that suit’ is soo cute, where did you get it?”
“Mom got if for me from Sterner’s,” Nicole said.
“I bought her that one and a one-piece,” Amanda said. “She insisted on wearing the bikini.”
“Well I think it looks very nice on you,” Gina said.
It may have annoyed Sam, but Nicole enjoyed being with her mom and Gina. It made her feel more like one of the girls.
But then, the little kid emerged, and she plunged right in.
“Challenge you to a race?” Nicole shouted.
Sam seemed up for the challenge, but Nicole outraced him. Then they engaged in a game of Marco Polo with Luke and Amber.
Sam then set up the volleyball net.
“Boys against girls?” he said.
Nicole nodded. She and Amber took their places at the shallow end. Sam and Luke ended up winning.
“It’s good they play so well together,” Gina said. “Sam doesn’t have a lot of friends.”
“Nikki doesn’t either,” Amanda replied. “She’s worried she’ll lose the few she has if she becomes Nicole full-time some day.”
“What are your thoughts on that?” Gina asked.
“I don’t want her to rush it,” Amanda said. “Besides, Andrea said it’s too early for a diagnosis.”
“Well, what do you think, though?” Gina asked.
“Part of me wants her to revert to being Nicholas,” Amanda said. “But the boy is long gone. I’m convinced he never really existed, just by watching Nicole. But Nicole knows he’s going to have to stay around just a little longer. But one of these days, he’ll probably disappear for good.”
“I’ve been there,” Gina said. “The days of Samantha have long disappeared.”
“Sam’s pretty brave,” Amanda said. “Nicole is going to have to be, too. But that may be a little farther down the road.”
The kids wore themselves out swimming. But the food was really good. Amanda and Gina grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. They also ate chips and some watermelon.
“I’m probably going to have to gather my crew up,” Amanda said, pointing to a sleeping Kayla on one of the chairs by the pool.
“She played herself out,” Gina remarked.
“That she did,” Amanda replied.
“Mom, can I ask you a question?” Sam asked. “Can Nikki and I go to the movies next week?”
“I’m not the one you should be asking,” Gina said, pointing over to Amanda.
“I guess it’s okay, if that’ is what Nikki wants to do,” Amanda said.
Nicole nodded her head ‘yes’.
“Oh boy, it’s starting,” Amanda thought.
“Let’s get our stuff together.”
Nicole gathered Kayla in her arms and carried her to the car.
“Nikki, it’s soo sweet of you to do that,” Amanda said. “You’re such a good big sister.”
*****
There was one advantage to being Nicholas. For Nicole, it was the time she spent with Meredith and Sara.
“Let’s race to the top,” Sara said as the three sat on their bikes looking at the hill at the top of Cedar Street.
“Wow, that’s a pretty steep climb,” Meredith said. “Besides, Nikki’s a boy. He’ll beat us.”
Nicole didn’t know what her friend was talking about. Physically, she was still very much their size.
“I don’t know about that,” Nicole said.
There was a race to the top. Sara won. Nicole barely beat Meredith for second.
“We need to keep in shape,” Sara said. “Madame Ruth will wear us out in ballet class.”
Just then, Meredith had a brilliant idea. She spied Doc’s Ice Cream Shop at the bottom of the other side of the hill.
“I think some ice cream would be good right now,” she said. “But let’s not race to get there.”
“Agreed!” Sara exclaimed as they rode down the hill together.
The three of them each got a couple of scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough. They talked for a little while as they sat in the gazebo outside the shop. Nicole enjoyed every minute of it.
But she also knew she had to head home. She had to get ready for her “date” with Sam.
“I’ve got to go,” she said.
“Why rush off?” Meredith said.
“I’ve got some things I’ve got to do tonight,” Nicole said.
“I do, too,” Sara said. “See you two in class on Monday?”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Nicole said.
They rode together until they reached Nicole’s house. She rushed inside.
“I was wondering what was keeping you, did you girls have fun?” Amanda asked.
“We did, mom,” Nicole said. “Hope you don’t mind, but we had ice cream.”
“Well, it might spoil your dinner, but it’s okay,” Amanda said. “You need your time with your friends.”
Dinner was pretty light, anyway. Soup, sandwiches and chips. Amber seemed as much excited about the night as Nicole.
“What are you going to wear?” she asked.
“I think the little black dress that used to be mom’s,” Nicole said.
“It will look soo cute on you,” Amanda said.
Nicole grabbed her underwear from her drawer and headed straight to the shower. She used the body wash Amanda had gotten her and shampooed her hair. Then she wrapped herself in a towel when Amanda walked in.
“Here’s your makeup,” she said. “Let’s put some on.”
Nicole enjoyed every minute of it as Amanda walked her though putting on the base, the lipstick, the blush, the eyeshadow and the eyeliner.
“Oh my gosh! Who is that girl staring at me in the mirror?” Nicole thought.
“You are so beautiful, sweetpea,” Amanda said.
Nicole sprayed on the perfume and did her nails. She had to do a double-take when she put on her clothes. Even with short hair, people who didn’t know her would have sworn she was born the girl -- the woman -- she was becoming.
It seemed like only a few minutes when the doorbell rang. Sam stood at the door.
“Wow! You look awesome,” he said.
“Doesn’t she though?” Amanda replied.
Nicole giggled when Sam proclaimed, “Our chariot awaits.”
The ‘chariot’ was an SUV, driven by Gina. They were going to Leesburg to the movies. Nicole felt just like Cinderella.
The plan was a simple one. They would watch the movie. They would get a small bite to eat at the little café across the street after it was over. Gina would pick them up.
The movie went according to plan. Sam picked a horror movie. Nicole didn’t care too much for them, but this one seemed fine.
She tried to play like she wasn’t afraid and thought it was cute when Sam held her hand.
Then her heart sank toward the end of the movie; sitting a couple of rows up was Sara, with a boy.
She tried not let on to Sam what was going on. Maybe they could slip out to the movies without Sara recognizing her.
As they were walking out at the end of the movie–her greatest fear was realized–but not in the manner she was expecting.
“Sam!” Nicole heard Sara shout.
“How do you know Sara?” Nicole whispered.
“She’s my cousin,” Sam said.
Nicole could not have been more shocked. Their chance for a great escape was gone.
“Hey Sam, I want you to meet Dan!” Sara said. She didn’t recognize Nicole at first.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your date?” Sara asked.
Nicole did her best to look away. It didn’t work.
“Nikki?…oh my gosh!” Sara exclaimed.
Poor Dan was the only clueless one in the bunch. Sam didn’t know what to say. Nicole had the look of pure fear on her face and looked for the nearest place to run.
Sara sensed it.
“Boys, do you mind if Nikki and I go to the bathroom for a sec…it’s a girl thing,” Sara said.
Sam was curious as to what was going on. So was Dan.
Sara and Nikki walked into the girls’ restroom and sat down.
“Are you going to hate me because you’ve seen me like this?” Nicole said. “You must think I’m a freak.”
“Oh, Nikki, of course I don’t,” Sara said. “I know why you feel that way, but it’s okay. I support Sam. So why wouldn’t I support you? I think it’s sweet you guys have found each other. Sam has been through such a hard time. Besides, you look amazingly beautiful as a girl!”
“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” Nicole asked.
“My mom and Sam’s mom are sisters,” Sara said. “You don’t mind if I tell her? Other than that your secret is safe with me. Mom and I are about the only ones in the family that have anything to do with Sam’s family.”
They walked out of the restroom hand in hand.
“What took you girls so long?” Dan asked. “Girls! Go figure?”
“You okay?” Sam asked.
“Yeah, I think so,” Nicole said, still very much in a state of shock.
“Nikki and I are buds,” Sara told Dan. “She’s a dancer like me.”
They walked over to the café together. Even though things didn’t go as planned, it seemed to work out even better.
Nicole at least knew she had one friend who would stand by her.
“You don’t mind if I come by tomorrow, do you?” Sara asked. She wanted to know more. “Mom might want to come, too.”
“I’ll have to ask my mom,” Nicole said.
Just then, Gina pulled up.
“Hey, Aunt Gina!” Sara shouted.
“Sara, what are you doing here?” Gina replied.
“Dan and I are on a date…sort of,” Sara replied. “We met at a drama camp. Mom’s going to hate it she missed you.”
Gina was a bit surprised that Sara knew Nicole.
“Sweetie, you had to be really scared when you saw her,” she told Nicole on the way home.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Gina said. “Sara’s a very grounded girl. She’s been very supportive of Sam.”
Just then they pulled up at Nicole’s house.
“May I walk you to your door?” Sam asked Nicole.
“That would be sweet, Sam, thank you,” she replied, linking arms as they walked to the door.
“Sam, I had a wonderful time,” Nicole said. “Weird, but wonderful.”
She then surprised him and herself by what she did next.
She gave him a kiss on the cheek. Sam smiled.
The light came on and Amanda peeked through the window.
“How did it go, sweetpea?” she asked.
“Let’s just say we have a lot to talk about, mom,” Nicole replied.
Screaming, weeping, sobbing.
Those were the sounds Amanda heard coming from the bathroom. Amber and Kayla were already in bed.
Nicole was taking a bath. Amanda rushed into the room to find out what the matter was.
“It’s ugly, it’s ugly,” Nicole said, pointing to her private parts. “I want it off, mom. I want it off. It’s gross.”
Amanda struggled to find the words to say. She sat on the edge of the tub and put her arms around Nicole, who was covered with suds from the bubble bath she made.
“Sweetie, I know,” Amanda said.
Rocking her, she did her best to comfort Nicole.
“It’s going to be okay,” Amanda said. “It’s going to be okay. When you’re old enough, I’ll take you to the hospital and we’ll get it fixed, I promise.”
“You mean I’ll have -- ” Nicole struggled for words. “I’ll be just like you, Amber and Kayla?”
“Yes, you’ll have a vagina just like ours,” Amanda said. “That’s what it’s called.”
“Why can’t I get it done now?” Nicole asked, still weeping.
“Oh, sweetie, there may yet come a time when you might not want to be a girl,” Amanda explained. “If they let you do it now, they wouldn’t be able to change you back into a boy, if you wanted to do that.”
Nicole gave Amanda a strange look as she dried off and grabbed her panties from the counter.
“Mom, I’m not a boy,” Nicole said with a little resolve–well as much as a 12-year-old girl could have.
Amanda didn’t argue the point. Nicole’s soul echoed her words. But Amanda wondered if cruel experience would change her mind some day.
“Well, if that girl wants to change her body, I’ll help her do it,” Amanda said, trying to assure her daughter.
“In a few years, they’ll let you take a special medication that will help you develop into a woman,” She explained. At times, Nicole seemed mature beyond her years, but Amanda wasn’t entirely sure if she understood the concept of hormones.
“It will help you get hips like mine,” Amanda said. “But you might not want to be as fat as I am.”
“Oh no, mom, you’re beautiful, I want to look just like you,” Nicole replied.
“You’re beautiful, too, sweetpea,” Amanda replied, kissing her on the forehead.
She grabbed a comb and began to brush Nicole’s hair. It was beautiful and blonde and was starting to grow out.
“Will the medicine help me grow boobs?” Nicole asked.
“It might help you grow breasts,” Amanda said, giving her a hug. “But if not, we can fix that, too.”
That brought a smile to Nicole’s face and Amanda seemed really relieved as she led her new daughter to bed and tucked her in.
“I want you to have pleasant dreams tonight, angel,” she said before giving Nicole a kiss on the cheek.
“I love you, Mom,” came the reply as Amanda turned off the light.
“I love you, too, sweetiepie, now get some sleep.”.
Sleep wasn’t something Amanda did much these days. She wondered about the life Nicole faced.
Surgery, even hormones, could help her grow better in her own skin. But there were things that wouldn’t be able to happen. It saddened Amanda that Nicole would not be able to experience childbirth.
The only way she could have children, if she ended up having surgery at a young age, would be to adopt or marry someone who already had children. She didn’t even know if adoption were an option in a country as conservative as the U.S.
But those were battles, struggles that were far off in the distance. What kept Amanda up at night were the problems Nicole would face in the present.
It was bad enough that she felt trapped in the wrong body. But she was about to start middle school in a few days. All her life, she would likely face people who wouldn’t accept her. But Amanda knew only too well that middle school children could be among the cruelest she would ever face.
Amanda knelt to pray before going to bed. She wanted answers as to how to guide Nicole through the transition that was to come. She also prayed, somewhat selfishly, that perhaps Nicole would change, that perhaps a life as Nicholas would somehow become appealing again.
That would be the easy way out, but Nicole seemed determined to take the hard way.
It was a way, Amanda thought, that might seem to be the right way.
“Shhhhh,” Nicole said, pressing her finger on her lips as she led Amber and Kayla into the kitchen. “Mom’s tired. She needs her sleep.”
She reached into the cabinet and pulled out three bowls. She got a box of cereal and poured it into the bowls, then got some milk out of the refrigerator and poured some on top the cereal.
Nicole loved the role of being a big sister.
She made toast and poured three glasses of orange juice.
“You’re being like mom,” Amber said, her mouth full of Cheerios.
Nicole smiled.
“Thank you, sweetpea,” Nicole said, kissing Amber of the forehead much like Amanda had done to her.
“Um…Amber’s not sweetpea, you are,” little Kayla said. “She’s punkin drop!”
“Oh yeah…” Nicole said, forgetting Amanda’s pet name for Amber.
“Thank you, doodle-bug,” she said, kissing Kayla on her forehead after remembering her name.
“Nikki, can we play Barbies?” Kayla asked.
“Why sure!” she said. “But first, we’ve got to finish breakfast and put everything away.”
The sisters put the dishes in the dishwasher, then ran upstairs, grabbed Barbies, Barbie houses, cars and clothes.
Nicole wondered if she were too old to play with Barbies. But it didn’t matter. It was something she had been denied most of her life.
They drove their cars, talked about their Barbies’ dates to the prom.
“Is your Barbie’s boyfriend named Sam, Nikki?” Amber teased.
“Sam? Who’s Sam?” Nicole teased back, trying to be a little coy.
Amanda heard the giggling. She grabbed her housecoat and came down downstairs to see what was going on. She stood outside the doorway, at first, not wanting her “girls” to see that she was watching.
She grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down on the sofa and watched them play.
“Mom, am I too old to play with Barbies?” Nicole asked at one point.
“Oh no, sweetpea,” Amanda said. “You’re never to old to play Barbies with your sisters.”
They played for a couple of hours. Then Amber had another idea.
“Let’s play majorettes!” she suggested.
Nicole helped Kayla wriggle into her little spangled leotard. Amber came prancing out in her own.
Nicole then put on Amanda’s old uniform and glared at it in the mirror.
“Try these on, they used to be mom’s,” Amber said, handing her a pair of white boots.
Amazingly enough, they fitted perfectly. Amanda was amazed as Nicole came down the stairs and modelled her outfit.
Amanda felt as if someone had placed her in a time machine–it was almost like she was watching herself in her preteen or early teen years.
She watched them as they went into the garage to twirl. The girls lost track of time and were still twirling when the doorbell rang.
“I wished I had brought my suit,” Sara said, surprising them in the garage.
“Girls, we’re going shopping for school clothes and supplies with Sara and her mom,” Amanda said.
“Well, guess I’ve got to change,” Nicole said, looking a little sad.
“You look awesome,” Sara whispered. She was just as amazed how much Nicole looked like a girl in a majorette uniform as she was when she saw her with Sam at the movies in a dress.
“I have to admit, Mandy, I’m really amazed how much Nikki looks like a girl,” Sara’s mom, Julia remarked. “Sara told me how she looked at the movies and I didn’t believe her.”
Nicole quickly changed. Her demeanor changed as much as her clothes. Sara noticed and did her best to cheer her up.
“You look pretty hip as a boy,” Sara said. “You may look like Nicholas but you’re still Nicole to me.”
“Thanks,” Nicole said.
Nicole played it close to the vest when they arrived at the store. She tried to give Sara weird looks when Sara found an outfit and modeled it for her She strutted “his” stuff when modeling boys’ clothes for her.
“People are going to talk about you two,” a familiar voice said. It was Meredith. She was there shopping for clothes and supplies with her mom, too.
It made things a little more fun. The three critiqued clothes before taking them to the “mom squad” for their approval.
They also tried to get the “hippest” school supplies.
“Want to come over tonight?” Meredith asked Sara.
Nicole looked at her friend, curious about an answer. She knew that Meredith only knew him as Nicholas. She knew that excluded “him” from consideration.
“Can’t,” Sara said. “We’re going to church with my cousin Sam tomorrow.”
“Sam?” Meredith said. “Isn’t that the girl who thinks she’s a boy?”
“Sam is a boy,” Sara said, correcting her friend. “He’s just stuck in the wrong body.”
“I still think that’s a bit weird, don’t you, Nikki?” asked Meredith.
Sara was interested in how Nicole would reply.
“No, I don’t,” Nicole said.
“Sam’s pretty cool, once you get to know him,” Sara said.
“Hate to interrupt your conversation, you three!” Sara’s mother said. “But we’ve got to go.”
“Don’t let what Meredith said upset you,” Sara said. “She’s really sweet, be she just doesn’t really understand.”
“But how will she react when she finds out about me?” Nicole asked.
“What are you two talking about?” Amanda asked.
“Meredith said what Sam is going through is a little weird,” Sara said. “I was worried Nikki would be a little upset.”
“You didn’t have to tell them,” Nicole whispered.
“That’s okay, Nikki,” Julia Lewis said. “Meredith just doesn’t understand.”
“Do you think she ever will?” Nicole asked. “I want her to be my friend. But I want her to accept me as me.”
That was an answer Sara, Julia and Amanda could not answer.
Sara realized it was time to change the subject.
“Mom, can I ask her now?” Sara said.
“Sure, but you’ve got to ask her mom first,” Julia replied.
“Ask what?” Amanda asked.
Nicole was just as curious.
“Can Nikki spend the night and go to church with us tomorrow?” Sara asked.
Amanda looked at Nicole, who nodded her head ‘yes’.
“That will be fine,” Amanda said. “But there is just one problem,. Nikki doesn’t have anything to wear to church.”
“That’s not a problem,” Julia said. “Sara has some really nice dresses. I’m sure they can find something for her to wear.”
Amanda and Nicole looked really puzzled.
“It’s a Unitarian church,” Julia explained. “Gina and the boys have been going there for a while. They wouldn’t have a problem with Nikki wearing a dress.”
“Besides,” Sara added, nobody will know her there. They won’t know Nikki’s in the wrong body.”
Nicole was really excited. This was her first chance to actually go to a sleepover. Deep down, she was also excited about seeing Sam again.
Sara helped Nicole pack.
“No Nicholas clothes allowed on this trip,” Sara said. “It’s just the girls.”
“But what if someone sees me?” Nicole asked.
“Our windows are tinted,” Julia said. “No one will know you are anything else but a girl.”
“Have fun, sweetpea,” Amanda told her as Nicole climbed into Sara’s mom’s car.
“Call me if there are any problems,” Amanda said.
“Don’t worry, she’ll be fine,” Julia said.
It turned out to be a really fun evening. They watched videos from Sara’s dance recitals and competitions.
“One of these days, you’ll be in them,” Sara said. She did her best to teach her friend jazz and ballet combinations up in the Lewis’s rec room.
Nicole was having the time of her life and the dancing wore them both out.
“You’re going to be a great dancer, Nikki,” Sara said. “One of these days, you, I and Meredith will be on a jazz dance team together.”
“But with me as Nicholas?” Nicole asked.
“No, silly, as Nicole,” Sara reassured her. “We’ll make her understand.”
Nicole hoped so and then changed the subject.
“What was Sam like when he was little?” she asked.
“Well, Sam always liked boys things,” Sara said. “Never wanted to play with girls’ things. I tried to get ‘her’ to play dolls with me, but she didn’t want to do it. Sam always wanted to play boys’ games, wear boys’ clothes. All of the sudden, he started saying he was a boy.”
It sounded familiar to Nicole. But things were a little different.
Although some of Sam’s family rejected him and he lost a few friends, he always had the support of his mother and brother. He also had the support of Sara and her mother.
Sam was able to be who he really was inside, even when he was very little. But things were still hard.
He and his mom were kicked out of church. There were problems at one of the schools he went to about him living as a boy.
“You think I’m going to go through the same things?” Nicole asked her friend.
“I dunno., maybe,” Sara said. “I don’t know how they’ll react at Franklin Middle if you show up as a girl.”
That was still a long way off. But Nicole wondered how Meredith would react.
“We’ll introduce Nicole to her before that,” Sara said. “We’ll just have to pick the right time.”
That would be a frightening time, Nicole thought.
“That’s not something we need to worry about tonight,” Sara said.
Instead, they spent the rest of the night talking girl talk. Sara had rented just about every dance movie known to man, including her favorite, Center Stage. Nicole liked it too.
****
The two girls did their best getting “dolled up” for church. They painted each other’s fingers and toenails. Sara let Nicole borrow a pair of earrings. Julia helped them both with makeup.
Sara pulled out slips and dresses. They both slipped on hose. They wore headbands that matched their dresses.
Sara then pulled out a present.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Nicole said.
“Oh yeah, I did,” Sara said. “Open it!”
Nicole fought through the wrapping paper. It was a purse. It looked exactly like the one Sara had.
“I bought it after I saw you and Sam at the movies,” Sara said.
“Girls, you need to hurry up, we’ll be late for church,” Julia shouted from downstairs.
“We’re coming, mom!” Sara said.
“Oh wow! Both of you look really gorgeous,” Julia said when the two friends came down the stairs. “Wait until Gina and Sam get a load of you two.”
The church was an interesting place. There were a couple of adult transgendered people there. There were a couple of lesbian couples. There were also gay male couples. It was an accepting atmosphere.
Julia introduced Nicole to the minister. Nicole shocked her when she told the minister she was a transgendered person like Sam.
“No one would ever have ever guessed that,’ the minister said.
“Well hello, ladies!” a familiar voice said. It was Gina. “Sorry, we’re late.”
“Mom was late,” Sam said, matter of factly.
“It takes us girls longer to get ready,” Sara said.
“Yeah, you try to paint your nails and put on makeup,” a confident Nicole responded.
Sam smiled. “You guys look great.”
“Glad you brought Nikki,” Gina told Julia.
“It was Sara’s idea,” Julia said. “It was Nikki’s first sleepover. Those two really had fun last night.
“So Sam, played any Guitar Hero lately?” Sara asked him.
“He’s hooked,” Sara whispered to Nicole.
“I noticed,” Nicole whispered, telling her about the swim party they had over his house.
“Oh, I played until about two in the morning,” Sam said.
“I had to finally tell him to shut it off,” Gina said.
The service was nice. Julia told Gina she would invite Amanda to the church.
“I think you guys would like going to church as a family” she asked Nicole.
Nicole agreed.
“We’re grilling out after church,” Sam said. “Mom said you guys are coming over.”
Nicole was surprised.
“Don’t worry, Nikki, your mom knows,” Julia said. “I packed you and Sara a couple of suits.”
“Good,” Nicole told Sam. “I’ll get to harass you and Luke.”
The pool party turned out to be a nice activity to do before school started.
Nicole borrowed tape and taped down her privates. She and Sara wore matching suits.
Sara taught Nicole how to dive off the diving board. Sam tried to teach them both how to do cannon balls, but they would have none of that.
“It’s not lady-like,” Sara protested.
“I kind of like it that you want to be lady-like,” Sam told Nicole, who blushed.
“Am I too young to have a boyfriend?” Nicole asked Sara.
“Well…mom said I can’t go on a real date until I’m at least 15,” Sara replied. “But I like Dan and we went to the movies like you and Sam did. I also know that Sam wants you to be his girlfriend.”
That caught Nicole off guard. She liked Sam, she really did. But she didn’t know if she were ready for that.
“He does?” Nicole asked. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that, yet.”
“Can’t blame you,” Sara said. “He also said he didn’t want to rush you. He really wants you as a friend.”
The feeling was mutual, Nicole thought. They were very much kindred spirits.
Chapters 9-10
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Chapter 9
It was a phone call Amanda feared would come. She just didn't expect it so soon.
Nicole was in the school nurse's office. She had been beaten up.
Amanda rushed from her office. She tried her best to do the speed limit, but she ran a red light getting to the school.
"Your brother is in the room right down the hall," the school secretary said.
She found Nicole with a fat lip. She appeared to have a black eye.
"It looks like you have a pretty good shiner, sweetpea," Amanda said, taking a wet cloth from the nurse and wiping Nicole's wounds.
"I'm sorry mom," Nicole replied.
"Tell me what happened," Amanda said.
"Some boys were picking on me in P.E.," Nicole said. "They kept calling me a sissy. I told them to stop."
One of the boys, a rather large one, told Nicole to stop them from picking on her. He then shoved her.
Nicole tried to fight back, swinging, but missing. The large boy swung, but didn't miss.
"Oh baby, it's not your fault," Amanda said.
She was furious when she found out how the teasing started. The P.E. teacher, Coach Tanner, called Nicole "Miss Priss."
Amanda stormed out of the nurse's office, telling Nicole she would be back. She headed to the coach's office.
"No offense, ma'am, but Nicholas is not like other boys," Coach Tanner said when Amanda confronted him. "He needs to toughen up. Maybe living in a house where he is the only boy has made him the way he is."
Amanda was seething.
"Maybe sh...he is not like other boys," Amanda said, almost slipping. "He is gentle, sweet and smart. He shouldn't have to worry that one of his teachers would start the teasing."
She not only exchanged words with the P.E. teacher, but the principal as well. Amanda demanded an apology. She threatened to complain to the school board.
Nicole was silent on the ride home. Even being in Nicholas mode didn't protect her from teasing and taunting.
That bothered Amanda. There was no denying Nicole was different. Her mannerisms screamed girl even if her appearance was that of a boy.
Amanda struggled for words to say, any way to comfort her daughter and the struggle she faced.
*****
"Wow, that's a rough looking black eye!" Meredith said as they stretched at the barre. "What happened?"
"Some boys were teasing Nikki in P.E.," Sara said. "He got into a fight."
"Looks like he lost," Meredith said. "We've got to do something to cheer him up."
Perhaps words of encouragement during ballet class would lift her up, Sara thought.
"Nice unitard, it suits you," she said before they began barre work.
"Thanks," Nicole said.
"Ladies and gentleman, it is time to stop talking," Madame Ruth said. "It's time to start dancing."
The dance class proved to be the medicine Nicole needed. Even though she was dressed differently than the other girls (Amanda bought him a "unisex" unitard to at least give Nicole a more feminine appearance, even if a little more subtle.)
She felt graceful, beautiful and elegant. Madame Ruth at times tried to get her to dance more "manly", but it didn't quite work too well.
"You still dance very beautifully," she said. "I am amazed by your ability even after a few classes."
Nicole liked everything about the class. She liked the plies, the tendus, the grande battements. She liked the pretty jumps and turns. Her soul seemed to flow with the music.
She was amazed by how quickly the class went.
"Sorry about what happened to you during school today," Meredith said.
"Thanks Meredith," Nicole said. "But it was nothing, really."
"It's not nothing," Sara said. "Those boys are so mean. Coach Tanner is a joke."
"A rather cruel joke," Meredith said.
"I hate P.E., I hate it, I hate it," Nicole said.
It wasn't just the teasing. It was the fact that she had to change clothes in front of the boys. She hated her body as it was. That just made it worse.
"I have an idea," Meredith said. "We could try out for dance team. Then dance team would be our P.E. class."
Nicole liked the idea of being in a P.E. class with other girls. But she also worried that would make things worse. If the boys though she was "sissy" now, what would they do if they found out he was on the dance team, much less taking ballet.
"I don't think I'm good enough of a dancer," Nicole replied.
"Of course you are, Nikki," Meredith said.
Sara, though, also worried if that would make things worse, rather than better. But she also thought it would be fun.
She also wondered if Nicole would be better off at a private school like the one Sam attended. It was what her mother called a school that taught tolerance. Sam was allowed to be a boy at the school. Nicole would be allowed to be a girl.
But she dared not suggest it. It would get Meredith wondering what was going on with Nicole. Sara felt for sure Meredith wasn't quite ready for such earth shattering news.
Besides, she enjoyed having Nicole around. She was becoming just as close a friend as Meredith. She was also becoming more like a sister.
*****
"So how was dance class?" Amanda asked Nicole after they returned home.
"It was fun," Nicole said. "I had a really good time with Sara and Meredith."
"They are becoming good friends for you aren't they?" Amanda said.
"Yeah, we're buds," Nicole said, imitating Meredith, although she wondered how much of a "bud" Meredith would be if she found out the truth about the real Nicole.
"Madame Ruth tells me you're doing very good in class," Amanda asked. "She even mentioned something about you and Amber both being in the Nutcracker this year."
"Really?" Nicole asked. That really peaked her interest. Sara once told her dancers weren't asked to be in it during their first year of classes unless they were really good.
"Yes," Amanda said. "She's really impressed with how well you pick things up. She says you move with the music really well. But she did say you moved too much like a girl. But you dance so well, she isn't about to change."
That actually made Nicole feel good, especially after what happened at school.
Amanda asked how Nicole felt after how things went at school. Nicole told her about Meredith's suggestion that she try out for the dance team to avoid being in a P.E. class with a bunch of bullies. "I know you like dance, but do you really think that is a good idea?"
Amanda asked.
"Probably not, mom," Nicole said as she went to take a bath.
Nicole tried her best to act as feminine and look it while she took a bath. She tucked her "ugly, gross thing" between her legs so she would look more like a girl.
She put on a nightgown after the bath. Nicole walked into the living room where Amber and Kayla were also wearing nightgowns and watching television.
"We're watching Hannah Montana again?" Nicole asked, but she only meant to be teasing.
"Hannah Montana is my favorite show," Kayla chimed in.
"Of course it is," Amber laughed.
Kayla had Hannah Montana posters and clothes. She even named their puppy "Miley."
Amanda joined the girls in the living room. It was one of her favorite times of day.
She enjoyed watching her girls spend time together. She enjoyed spending time with them. She brushed all three of the girls hair.
It was a relaxing time.
She also used the time to talk to friends on the telephone. Amanda spent part of this night talking to Gina. She shared what happened to Nicole. Gina was already aware. Sara called Sam and told him about it.
The story had a very familiar ring to it.
"Oh yeah, we went through the same thing with Sam," Gina said. "The kids at the school he used to attend were very cruel. Sam put up with the dyke and butch jokes all the time."
"What did you do about it?" Amanda asked.
"Well, Sam put up with it as long as he could," Gina said. "Once we made the decision for Sam to live as a boy fulltime, Andrea recommended a private school where Sam goes now. They are really accepting where Sam goes now. Sam no longer dreads school,"
Amanda thought a special private school might be a good idea. But she didn't want to rush into a decision, just like she didn't want to rush Nicole into a decision about her gender identity.
There may come a time when Nicole would live as a girl fulltime. But Amanda wasn't quite sure they reached that time yet. She wanted Nicole to go to a few more sessions with Andrea before, or if, that time ever came.
In the meantime she hoped Nicole would be safe as Nicholas at Franklin Middle School.
It would help, she thought, if the teachers didn't take part in the teasing. That part still made her furious.
Nicole helped Amanda put Kayla to bed after her littlelist one fell asleep watching the Disney Channel.
Nicole carried Kayla upstairs to her room, where Amanda tucked the preschool-aged cherub into bed.
"Sweet dreams little one," Nicole whispered.
She followed as Amanda led a groggy Amber to bed.
Then Amanda put her arm around Nicole and led her into her room.
"I love you sweetpea," she said as sat at Nicole's bedside.
"I don't really want to go to school," Nicole said.
"I can't say that I blame you, little one," Amanda said, brushing aside a few of Nicole's strands of hair from her face. "You've got to be brave, ya know?"
"I know," Nicole answered.
"There have got to be some things you do like about school," Amanda said.
"Well, art is pretty fun," Nicole said. "Some of my teachers are pretty cool. Then there are Sara and Meredith."
"It's great you have them," Amanda said. "By the way, Gina told me that Sam went through some of the same things you are going through at his old school."
"What did they do about it?" Nicole asked.
"Well, once Sam started living as a boy all the time, he started going to a cool private school," Amanda said.
"Is that something we might do?" Nicole asked.
"Maybe, but I don't want to rush into anything right now," Amanda said. She seemed to be giving that answer a lot to Nicole.
"I don't want to rush into anything either, mom," Nicole said. "But mom, I won't ever want to change back into a boy. I want to be a girl all the time. I want to grow up to be a woman."
Amanda thought about Nicole making breakfast for the girls. She thought about her helping to put Kayla to bed.
"You know, there is more to being a woman that your body," Amanda said. "It's also about what is going on up here (she pointed to Nicole's head). I think you are blossoming into a very beautiful young woman already."
Nicole smiled. It made her feel good. She longed for the day when she felt complete.
Chapter 10
It was the first time Nicole went to therapy dressed as Nicole. Dr. Dornan had requested it.
She looked like a typical pre-teen. She wore faded jeans and a tank top, with the straps from her training bra occasionally showing. She also painted her nails and wore her butterfly earrings.
"You look really nice," Andrea Dornan said.
Nicole blushed. "Thank you."
Andrea asked Nicole about her nightmares. She admitted she still had them, although they weren't as frequent.
She asked her about her friends. Nicole talked about how supportive Sara was. She talked about Meredith, how she worried about losing her as a friend if she found out about the real Nicole.
"Would she be a real friend if she didn't accept you for who you are?" Andrea asked.
"No?" Nicole answered.
"I know it's a bit complicated for you to understand," Andrea said.
Nicole knew more than Dr. Dornan realized.
Andrea also asked Nicole about Sam and what she thought of him.
"I like him a lot," Nicole said. "He's very brave."
"I would think he would think the very same about you," Andrea said.
"But he lives as Sam all of the time," Nicole answered. "I don't live as Nicole all of the time."
"How would you feel about living as Nicole all of the time?" Andrea asked.
"I want to be Nicole all the time," Nicole said. "I am Nicole all of the time. I just have to dress as Nicholas. I don't want to have to dress as Nicholas. But I'm scared."
"You're scared someone is going to bully you, hurt you, like they did at school?" Andrea asked.
"Yes," Nicole answered. She was starting to cry.
"It's okay, it's okay," Andrea said.
"Why do people have to be mean to me?" Nicole said. "Why do they want to hurt me? Mom says it's because I'm different."
"Your mom is right," Andrea said. "I wish it was not that way, but it is."
Andrea then asked Nicole about the bathroom incident.
"How to you feel about your body?" Andrea said.
"I hate it," Nicole said. "I hate the thing between my legs. I hate it. I want it off."
"Have you ever tried to cut it off?" Andrea asked.
"I thought about it," Nicole said. "I couldn't do it."
"Good girl," Andrea said. "That can be very dangerous. You could kill yourself."
Nicole nodded her head in agreement.
"Mom said I can have surgery to have it fixed," Nicole said.
"Yes, if you want to continue on that journey," Andrea said. She knew it was a journey Nicole wanted to complete. "We will do what we can to help you."
Andrea made Nicole take a test before the session was over. She then led Nicole to the waiting room.
"I need to talk to your mom for a few minutes," Andrea said. "Wait out here. It won't be too long."
"Have a seat Amanda," Andrea said.
"So, what's the verdict?," Amanda said.
"This isn't a trial," Andrea said.
"I know it isn't," Amanda said. "I guess I just want answers. I guess I'm looking for some magical solution."
She was informed there was no magical solution.
"I had Nikki do a little test," Andrea said. "I'll have the results by her next session."
"What will they say?" Amanda asked.
"Probably no more than we already know," Andrea said. "I had the feeling I was talking to a 12-year-old girl in there."
"You were," Amanda said.
"Nicole has crossed the Rubicon," Andrea said. "I don't believe there will be any going back."
"Andy, we've been friends since college," Amanda said. "My baby's a girl. Perhaps it would be the easy way to go back. Perhaps it would be the safe way. But Andy, I don't think going back is the right thing to do. Is it selfish that I don't want her to go back."
"No it's not," Andrea said. "You're a mother. You want what's best for your child."
The struggle was what road needed to be taken next.
There were a lot of things to consider, especially if Nicole lived as a girl fulltime. At the top of the list what to do about schools.
Would the public system Nicole now attended accept her as a girl? Would the parents? Would the other students?
Andrea suggested the private school Sam attended. She gave Amanda some literature on the school.
"Sam isn't the only transgendered student who attends there," Andrea said. "There are also gay and lesbian students who attend. But I know attending another school can be difficult."
There was also just going out in general public. Would Nicole be able to continue activities like dance? How would it impact Amber and Kayla?
The mention of hormone blockers, eventually taking female hormones. There were a lot of issues to consider.
"There is a conference coming up for gender variant children," Andrea said. "I know Gina is planning on taking Sam. I hear her sister is also going and will be taking her daughter. It's for families as well as for children. I really think it would be very beneficial for Nicole and for you."
Andrea again handed her literature.
"I know it's a difficult road," Andrea said. "It's good she has you."
"Well, I know I'm lucky to have her, too," Amanda said. "My family is not complete without her."
She walked out into the waiting room. Nicole was reading a magazine.
"Let's go sweetpea," Amanda said. "I'm sure the girls are having fun with Lindsey. What do you say you and I do a mother-daughter thing."
"Sure mom, I'd love to do that," Nicole said.
Amanda called her baby sitter to make sure it was fine that she and Nicole stayed out for a couple of hours.
They hit Starbucks for coffee. They also went to the bookstore. Nicole picked out a couple of young adult books.
They also hit the stores to do a little shopping. Amanda bought Nicole a couple of pairs of jeans and cute tops.
They stopped at the place where Amanda shopped for workout clothes. She bought matching leggings and tops.
"Amber is not old enough," Amanda said. "But I think you're the right age to go to yoga with me on Saturday mornings. I think it will really help you."
"That would be really cool, mom!" Nicole said.
*****
"This would look really cool on you," Sara said after she pulled the dress from the closet.
"Oh wow! That looks really nice," Nicole said.
"I'll wear this one," Sara said, pulling a matching dress from the closet.
They were going on "a double date" with Sam and Dan. Sara's mother was going to be the chaperone.
They were going to eat at an Italian restaurant. They were also going skating.
"Don't you think the dresses are a bit much for skating?" Nicole teased.
"Oh no, we want to look really nice for the boys," Sara said.
She put a necklace around Nicole's neck. Nicole put one around Sara's. They also did each other's hair and nails. Julia helped them with their makeup.
Gina dropped Sam off.
"Wow, you look really hip, cuz!" Sara said.
Nicole looked him over.
"You do look really nice," Nicole said.
"You do, too," Sam said. "You both do."
"Why thank you!" Sara said.
The filed into Julia's SUV. Julia picked Dan up along the way.
"How has the acting been going?" Sara asked.
"We're doing High School Musical," Dan said.
Dan didn't have a lead role, but he said it was fun anyway.
"That sounds pretty cool," Nicole said.
"Nicole and I are going to be in the Nutcracker," Sara said.
"Um...I don't know about that." Nicole said, fearing her "secret" would get out. As far as she knew, Dan didn't suspect a thing.
"You'll have to excuse Nikki," Sam said. "This is her first year in dance. She's a little nervous."
Nice save, Sam, Nicole thought.
They stopped at Franco's Italian Grille.
"They have the best lasagna!" Sara said.
Julia tried to keep from giggling during the meal. She watched Sara and Nicole struggle not to get anything on them before they went skating. They were very proper, keeping napkins on their laps. They also made sure to wipe every speck off their faces.
The skating rink turned into an adventure, at least for Nicole. She had never gone skating, not even as Nicholas.
Sara did her best to help her.
"You're doing the robot," she said with a laugh.
Nicole had quite a few spills on the floor. She tried her best to keep her skirt down.
"I told you wearing dresses skating wasn't a good idea," Nicole told her friend.
"Nonsense!" Sara said. "So you're not Tara Lipinski. But we'll have you skating in no time."
"Wow, he's really good," Nicole said.
"Sam and I were skating before we could walk," Sara said. "It's one of the few things we have in common."
Suddenly, the D.J. called for a couple's dance.
Fear came across Nicole's face.
"Oh it will be fun," Sam said, reaching for Nicole's hand. He pulled her up.
"You can trust me," Sam said.
He held her close. They skated a little slowly. Sam taught Nicole how to rock and sway to the music.
The theme song to the movie Titanic came on. Nicole giggled.
"What are you laughing about," Sam said.
"Of course I trust you, Jack," she giggled.
"Spread your arms out, Rose" he told her, keeping with the Titanic theme. He held her waist.
"I'm flying!" Nicole said, half mockingly. She had to admit it was pretty fun.
"You two looked really good out there," Sara said.
"Why thank you!" Sam said. "You guys looked pretty good out there, too."
"Well, Sara looked pretty good out there," Dan said.
"We'll work on your skating, too," Sara said, giving him a punch.
Nicole couldn't remember the last time she had such a great time. All of her struggles seemed so far away,
"You guys seemed like you had a really good time," Julia said on the drive home.
"We really did, Mrs. Lewis," Nicole said.
After they dropped Dan off, Sam asked Nicole if she and her mother were going to the conference in San Francisco.
"Mom and I've talked about it," she said. "We're probably going to go. But we don't know for sure yet."
"I hope you go," Sam said. "It's always helped me."
"I'm going to be going," Sara said. "I think it would be really cool if you went."
"Well, we're here," Julia said, pulling up to Nicole's house.
"Can I walk you to the door?" Sam asked.
"I would be offended if you didn't," Nicole said. She loved being treated like a lady. She winked at Sara.
He grabbed her arm and walked her to the door.
"Nikki, would you mind if I kissed you on the cheek," Sam said.
"Last time, I was the forward one," Nicole thought.
She grinned. She blushed. She nodded.
He gave her a peck on the cheek.
Nicole noticed they had an audience. Amanda, Amber and Kayla were looking at them through the window.
"So, sweetpea, did you have a good time?" Amanda asked as Nicole walked through the front door.
"Oh mom, it was so much fun," Nicole said.
*****
"Harvard, Yale?" Amanda whispered as they were doing a yoga pose.
"Nope, to close to Boston," Nicole said.
Amanda understood. She was just proud of the grades Nicole was making, even through the struggles at school.
"You are a very smart girl," Amanda said as they were doing a pose Nicole thought was a crouching dog. "Maybe you'll be a Wellesly girl."
A women's college, now that was a novel idea Nicole thought.
"I think I want to stay around here," Nicole said.
Yoga turned out to be a very idea. It gave Amanda a really good chance to bond with Nicole.
Nicole enjoyed doing the prayer pose and something called the pidgeon.
"I think ballet has really made you flexible, sweetpea," Amanda said.
"So this is Nikki," said Leah, the yoga instructor. "I wished more mothers brought their daughters."
"It really was a good idea, mom," Nicole said.
"Nikki, I was really impressed by how well you did," Leah said. "I guess being a dancer helped?"
"It does," Nicole said. "Madame Ruth also says yoga helps ballet, too, especially with balance."
"You know, I'm glad we're doing this," Amanda said on the drive home. "There are things I do with Amber and Kayla. This gives us something we can do."
She gave Nicole a hug.
"You're in a cocoon, you know?" Amanda said. "I know you feel trapped in your body right now. But one of these days, you're going to become the butterfly I know you are."
Nicole smiled.
"Mom, thanks for accepting me for who I am," she said.
"I will always accept you for who you are, sweetpea," Amanda said. "So, are you interested in going to this conference that Andy and Gina keep telling me about?"
Nicole nodded.
"Sam says it will be fun," Nicole said. "Sara's going too, so maybe it will be cool."
Nicole also felt it would be nice to be around other people who were just like her.
Chapters 11-12
-----------
Chapter 11
Amanda helped Nicole carefully fold her clothes into the suitcase.
"The last time we rode on a plane was the trip back from Boston," Amanda said.
Nicole remembered the trip well. She was leaving a nightmare of a life behind.
She was scared. She had no idea what her life ahead would be like.
It turned out to be her great escape.
This trip seemed to be almost as scary. A conference for transgendered children and their families was something Nicole was looking forward to.
But she didn't know how much the conference would impact her life.
"It will be an adventure, I'm sure," Amanda said. "I guess we've packed everything."
"They're here!" Amber said, running into the room.
They were riding to the airport with Gina, Sam and Luke. Sara and Julia were riding, too.
It would be a bit crowded on the way to the airport, but to Nicole it seemed to make things more fun.
"Did you bring your CDs?" Sara asked when Nicole climbed into SUV.
"Yup," she said.
"I brought mine, we should have a lot to listen to," Sara said.
"Just don't listen to them so loud," Gina said. "So how are you doing, Mandy?"
"Doing fine," Amanda said. "It's just been like a mad house. I dropped Kayla off at mom's last night. I had to make sure Nikki and Amber packed everything they needed."
Like Nicole, she was a little apprehensive about the trip. But she looked forward to talking with parents who were going through the same thing.
"So what's it like?" Amanda asked.
"Well, it's always a pretty eye-opening trip," Gina said. "They have seminars on what our children are going through. They're really helpful in helping you make decisions about your child. The best part, really, is meeting other families and hearing their stories. They've really encouraged us. I'm sure they'll encourage you."
Sam spent most of his time texting friends he hadn't seen since the last conference. He was also texting friends from his school who were also going.
"I've told them my girlfriend was coming," Sam joked with Nicole.
"You're girlfriend is coming?...I'm looking forward to meeting her," Nicole teased back.
That brought a giggle from Sara.
"I wonder if I'm going to feel like a third wheel," Sara said.
"A third wheel, where did you hear that kind of talk?" Julia asked her daughter.
"I dunno, probably from you," Sara said.
"Sometimes, I think they act too grown up," Amanda said.
Nicole put her arm around Sara, "Don't think of yourself as a third wheel. I'm glad you're coming."
"I think I'm the one who is going to feel like a third wheel," Sam joked.
"You probably will, cuz," Sara chimed in. "We girls like to stick together. Besides, you're the one who already has friends who will be there. Nikki doesn't."
"I'm sure Nikki will make lots of new friends there," Gina said. "Sam did at his first conference."
That maybe true, Nicole thought, but Sara was her best friend. She was glad she was going to be there.
*****
The hotel was really nice. The rooms were spacious. There was an indoor pool, workout room and hot tubs. There were even places to shop.
"You don't have to leave the hotel unless you want to," Gina said. "The conference organizers really do it up right."
"Oh no, we're going out during the breaks," Amanda said. "The girls have never been to San Francisco. I want them to see the sites."
Nicole, in fact, had already made her list. The Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz and riding trolleys were high on the list.
"It's going to be really cool," she said. "You guys have got to go with us."
"Mom said we were," Sara said.
"It's time to go down to registration," Gina said.
There were about 100 transgendered children attending the conference. They were all in different stages of transition. Some were just starting the journey. Others were nearing completion, with older teens already on hormones and awaiting surgery once they were old enough. A few post-op college students also attended the conference.
They ranged in age from preschool to high school. There were a few transboys like Sam. Most were male-to-female children like Nikki.
"You must be Nikki?" a girl around 16 said at the table.
"Yes, I am," Nicole said.
"I'm Lara, your group leader," she said. "I've heard so much about you from Sam."
They were divided into different groups, mainly by age and by gender. There were also groups for supporting siblings. Sara, Amber and Luke were assigned to those.
The parents had a choice about which seminars to attend. Amanda, Gina and Julia stuck with each other.
The speakers at the conference were a varied group. Some of the speakers were post-op success stories. Many of them transitioned while children like those attending the conference.
There were also psychologists, physicians, educators, advocates and even law enforcement officials attending the conference. Some were also among the featured speakers.
There were "shock and scary" seminars at the conference as Amanda called them. Parents and children alike attended some of them.
One dealt with hate crimes against transgendered children and teens. There were the tragic stories of the tender souls who were murdered. Some of the speakers testified of harassment and bullying.
The purpose of such seminars was to make parents aware of the danger signs. Another seminar dealt with depression and suicide.
"It's a bit scary, don't you think," Amanda said. "It's a mother's worst nightmare."
"I know," Gina said. "But we've got to be aware of what's going on."
The vast majority of the seminars were positive and uplifting. Some of them dealt with the need to develop a support system of family and friends, those who would help a transgendered child gain acceptance.
Julia was complimented by several parents for her support of Gina and Sam. She was praised for bringing Sara along.
Amanda enjoyed hearing the success stories of those who had transitioned. They came from nearly every walk of life. One speaker was an attorney. Another was a well known surgeon. One was an engineer.
"I needed to hear this," Amanda said. "So does Nikki."
Some were married and brought spouses. Some had stepchildren or were able to adopt.
"A normal life is what I want for Nikki," Amanda confided.
Nicole liked the time the girls in her group had among themselves. She loved hearing about their stories.
Lara's was the one that was closest to her heart. Lara story was somewhat similar.
She grew up in a religious family. Her parents completely rejected her desire to become a girl, at least at first.
Her father, a preacher, physically abused her to keep her from acting like a sissy. Finally, her mother started to come around. Her parents divorced. Her father's family eventually disowned them.
But her relationship with her mother grew. Her mother started letting her wear girls clothes when she was 8. She started living as a girl full time at 10. They moved to another community where no one knew that she wasn't born a girl.
She was a very beautiful girl. Her interests were similar to Nicole's. She liked to dance. She even danced the role of Clara in the Nutcracker at her ballet school. She went to public school and was even a cheerleader.
Only a few school officials knew that she was transgendered. A few parents went into an uproar when they found out a "boy" was attending their school as a girl. But no one knew it was her.
She went on dates a couple of times, but came off as strait-laced and wanted to remain a virgin until marriage. That way no one ever questioned whether Lara was the transgendered girl.
"I am afraid that people will find out its me," Lara said. "But I'm not going to get into any serious relationships until after I'm done with school. I want to be totally honest when I finally enter into a relationship."
"Any regrets?" Nicole asked her.
"None," Lara said. She was totally happy living as a girl.
There was also a testimonial time when all of the groups came together.
To Nicole's and Sara's surprise, Sam was one of the children sharing their stories.
"I told you he was very brave," Nicole whispered to Sara.
Sam knew he was a boy early in his life. He didn't like playing with dolls.
"That used to make me mad," Sara whispered to Nicole. "We were the same age. I thought it was neat I had a girl cousin. But 'she' never wanted to play anything I did."
He always wanted to play with boys' toys and activities associated boys. Sam tore off dresses his mother bought him to wear to church and school.
"It used to drive me crazy," Gina whispered to Amanda.
Sam insisted he was a boy in preschool and kindergarten. He always wanted to wear boys clothes. He didn't want to have long hair.
"He would rip bows and barrettes out of his hair," Gina said. "I couldn't put anything in it."
At first Sam's insistence he was a boy was dismissed as him being a "tomboy."
"In that sense, I think transboys have it a little easier when they are younger," Gina said.
But Sam's persistence began to raise eyebrows. Gina thought therapy, hoping it would work.
The diagnosis that he was a transgendered child was not welcomed with open arms by his family. Most shunned them, especially when Gina made the decision to support Sam. There was some applause in the audience when Sam said his aunt Julia stood by him and his mom.
Julia smiled and blushed and waved when she was acknowledged.
Sam told of stories of being bullied. But he also told stories of his acceptance, especially when his mother found a private school where he was accepted for who he was.
"You should really be proud of him," Julia said.
"I am sis," Gina whispered back.
There was a little talent show at the end of the final program of the day. Some of the kids sang. Lara danced a ballet solo in a fancy tutu.
"Wow, she's beautiful," Sara whispered to Nicole.
"I wished I could dance like that," Nicole said, mesmerized by her new friend dancing en pointe.
There was some time for touring. Nicole really enjoyed the beauty of the city. Returning to the hotel was pretty fun too.
They had a pizza and pool party at night. Nicole and Sara had matching bikinis. Sam was being a "typical boy," popping them both with a towel as they walked down the hallway heading for the pool.
They both turned around and stuck their tongues out at him. All three of them laughed. Sara and Nicole dove into pool, joining Lara and a few other girls who were already taking a dip.
Sam did his cannonball, which announced his presence in a very wet way.
"Stop it cuz!" Sara said after being splashed.
"That's okay, he's really having fun," Lara said.
Most of the parents sat by the poolside getting acquainted.
"I'm Marie," Lara's mom said as she joined Amanda, Gina and Julia at a table.
"They're really having fun," Gina said, pointing to the kids.
"Amanda, your Nikki is a very beautiful girl," Maria said.
They swapped stories as the children enjoyed themselves. For many of the children, it was the most peaceful time they've had in a while.
"Tell me, did you ever lament losing the children you thought your children were?" Marie said. "I have to admit, I really missed that little boy I once had when Lara started to live fulltime as a girl."
"I have to admit, I missed having a daughter, even one who did not want to be one," Gina said.
"I believe I'm lucky," Amanda said. "I only knew Nikki when she was little, back when she was my 'little brother'. I really didn't get a chance to know her that much as a boy. When I gained custody, the girl inside Nikki was already screaming to come out. I never really had her as a boy. I wouldn't have her any other way."
"I wouldn't have Lara any other way either," Marie said. "I'm proud of the beautiful daughter I have now."
"I feel the same way about Sam," Gina said.
****
"You look very nice, very proper," Amanda said, looking at Nicole as she came down the stairs.
They'd been back from the conference for about a week. They were going on a tour of Royal Hills Academy, the private school Sam attended. The fact that the school was tolerant of children who varying sexual orientations was one reason the school was appealing.
The fact that it was a prep school with high academic standards was another reason Amanda found the school appealing. Both Nicole and Amber were going to tour the school, as was Sara and Julia.
It was a pristine place. It seemed almost like a small university, a very stately place.
The students dressed uniforms. The boys in shirts, ties and slacks. During cooler weather, they were expected to wear jackets.
The girls wore plaid skirts to go along with blouses that matched the shirts the boys wore. They also wore jackets when it was cooler.
"The transgendered students are expected to wear the uniform of the gender they identify with," said Elizabeth Adams, the school counselor who was giving the tour.
"Well, we would be wearing the same uniform," Sara said to Nicole.
"That would be cool," Nicole said. "But if we end up both going here, what about Meredith?"
"I'd miss her, but we'd still see her in dance class," Sara said.
Dance class would be another dilemma if Nicole chose to become a girl fulltime. Attending a school where she was supposed to be accepted was one thing. Would they allow her to do so at a dance school without creating an uproar?
"Yeah, I guess," Nicole said. "But I feel like we're leaving her out in some way."
She still worried about how her friend would react once she found out Nicole was transgendered.
But she also remembered Dr. Dornan's words. "Would she be a real friend if she couldn't accept you for who you really are?" she remembered Andrea saying.
"Hey you guys!" was a shout from down the hallway of one of the building they toured.
It was Sam.
"I wondered if we would see you here," Nicole said.
"I hope you guys come to school here," Sam said. "It would really be cool."
"I'm sure they would like being at the same school with you same," Amanda said. "We'll have to see."
"You know a lot of the things you couldn't do at a public school, you could do here," Ms. Adams said as she continued the tour. "You could be a cheerleader. You could be on a dance team. You could play on a girls' sports team. We're in a private school conference, so there isn't a rule against it."
"My mother said you have a good dance program," Sara said.
"Several of our graduates have gone on to dance for professional
companies," Ms. Adams said.
"I've heard several of your students have also gone on to Ivy League schools," Amanda said.
"Yes, several of our graduates are accepted at Ivy League schools each year," Ms. Adams. "Others end up at Stanford, Duke, Vanderbilt or Notre Dame."
"That's mom," Nicole said. "She's already plotting my college career. She even mentioned me going to Wellesley."
"We have graduates at Wellesley, too," Ms. Adams said.
Chapter 12
"Mom, can you come here a minute?" Nicole said as she struggled to latch on the bra strap.
"What's a matter, need help?" Amanda asked.
"Yes, I do," she before Amanda hooked it up.
"Nervous about your first day?" Amanda asked.
"A little," Nicole said as she tried to brush her hair just right.
"I'm sure it will be fun," Amanda said.
It was going to be a bit liberating. She could openly be Nicole. But she still had butterflies.
Nicole put on the headband. She long for the day her hair was long enough to be braided. She carefully applied the nail polish. Her butterfly earrings sparkled in the sunlight coming in from the window.
"I've got something for you," Amanda said. She pulled out a small box with a bow.
It contained a heart-shaped locket.
"Oh mom, it's beautiful, thanks," she said as Amanda put it around her neck.
"You need to get dressed," Amanda said. "Sara's mom will be here any minute. You also need to get breakfast."
Nicole put on the skirt she was required to wear, then the blouse, pulling the locket over it. She pulled up the matching socks.
She looked in the mirror. It was a different look indeed.
She grabbed her backpack and slowly walked down the stairs. Amber was already at the table, dressed in the exact same uniform, right down to the headband. Nicole wondered if she would be made fun of since her little sister was dressed completely like her. That included the earrings.
It didn't matter to her. She and Amber had a bond. The earrings was a connection she didn't think anyone would understand.
"You look very nice," Amanda said. "Both of my girls do."
"What about me?" little Kayla asked plaintively.
"I didn't forget about you, doodlebug," Amanda said.
"You look very cute, doodlebug," Nicole said. "Mom was just talking about how nice Amber and I looked in our school uniforms."
"Can I get me a school uniform, too, like Nikki and Amber?" Kayla asked.
"When you are old enough," Amanda said. "But don't grow up too soon. I mean that for all of you."
"We'll try not to grow up too fast for you," Nicole said just before the moment the horn sounded from Sara's mom's SUV.
Nicole and Amber finished off breakfast, grabbed their backpacks and went rushing out the door. A new adventure had begun.
*****
"I talked to Meredith, she thinks we're both betraying her by switching schools," Sara told Nicole on the ride to school. "I told her it was our moms' idea. I told her that they both want us to go to real fancy colleges."
That was partly the truth, Nicole said. It was most of the truth for Sara. Her mother was really impressed by the school's academic reputation.
"Meredith may find out pretty soon about me," Nicole told Sara. "Mom is going to tell Madame Ruth about me. If there is any problem, I'll just stop taking classes there."
"At least then, she'll know," Sara said. "I think she'll be okay with it. It may take her some time."
"I hope so," Nicole said. "I'm tired of pretending to be Nicholas. But I do want her to be my friend. But if she's not, this will still be worth it."
"How do you feel about finally getting to be a girl at school?" Sara asked.
"I finally get to be myself," Nicole replied. Deep down, she was extremely glad Sara was going. She felt she needed to have a friend close by.
Of course, Sam would be there. But her relationship with Sara was much different.
They compared class schedules. They were in every class together, including P.E. They both looked forward to taking French and art, even though they would be a little behind.
The school put a large emphasis in the arts, another reason why their mothers liked the school so much.
Both were also going to be taking dance classes, which was another passion they shared.
Their first day turned out to be pretty hectic. Finding lockers and finding classes were at the top of their lists.
Sam popped up to ever be the gentleman and showed them where everything was. Even though he was in his element, he was extremely glad his two best friends were now going to school with him, including one that he had a crush on.
Most of the classes weren't too difficult. They were in the same level classes they were in at Franklin Middle School. Most of the classes were about at the point where they were before they transferred.
French was a little bit of a challenge, but their teacher, Madamoselle Reide was quiet helpful. She offered to tutor both girls to help them catch up.
"Je suis Americaine," Sara told Nicole as they skipped along to their next class, P.E.
"Vous allex au cinema," Nicole said back to her.
"I wished we were going to the movies," Sara giggled.
Nicole was assigned a special lockerroom for P.E., much like Sam told her he was assigned. She thought she was alone as she pulled on her "Royal Hills Girls P.E. t-shirt and pulled on her shorts.
"You must be Nikki," said a girl who came up and sat down beside her.
"I'm Karen," she said. "It will be nice to have another girl like me in class."
Karen told Nicole there were three other "T-girls" at the school, one about Amber's age and two others in high school. There were three "transboys" including Sam.
"How do they treat us here?" Nicole asked.
"Like normal people," Karen said as they walked inside the gym.
Each girl in the class was assigned a place in one of the lines they sat in. Since Nicole and Sara were just starting, they were at the very end of the line they were assigned to.
"Today is field hockey day," Coach Henderson said as they went out to the stadium behind the gym.
"How do you play field hockey?" Sara asked Nicole.
"I have no clue," Nicole said.
"We'll teach you ladies," Coach Henderson said before they took the field.
Ladies–it had a good ring to it. It was the first time Nicole had been called a lady outside of family, friends and a therapist.
It turned out to be a learning experience, and a little fun. It made it interesting the Sam and the boys' P.E. class were playing soccer. Nicole distracted her friend by waving to him, which made the ball go shooting past him.
"Sam has a crush on Nikki," Sara told one of the girls in the class.
Nicole blushed. She didn't want to admit she had feelings for him, too.
"Oh he's just a friend," Nicole told Karen.
*****
Nicole was a little nervous as she pulled her leotard over her tights in the dressing room.
Amanda told her about the conversation she had with Madame Ruth. Madame Ruth informed parents that Nicole would be attending class for now on as a girl.
Some of the parents were as shocked as they were when Nicole showed up for the first class during the summer wearing Amber's dance clothes. A couple threatened to pull their daughters out of the class, but none did.
Madame Ruth tried to assure her there would be no problems.
"You're very brave for doing what you're doing," Madame Ruth said. "I don't want you to give up dancing. You dance so beautifully."
But Nicole couldn't also forget the conversation Meredith's mom had with Sara's mom, or Meredith's with Sara.
Meredith blamed Nicole's "condition" on the reason Sara transferred to private school. Sara insisted that wasn't the case.
The class was a bit cold, at least it seemed to Nicole, from warm-ups at the barre straight through until center work. She felt free during centre work.
The music just flowed through her.
But afterwards, she felt a cold stair from Meredith. She heard whispering from the other girls and some giggling. She knew it had to be directed toward her.
She rushed into the dressing room after the class was over. She didn't want to come out.
Sara sensed something was wrong with her friend. She went in after her.
"I felt like such a freak tonight," Nicole sobbed.
"Well, you're not," Sara said. "They're all such jerks!"
"I think I should quit," Nicole said. "Maybe I'll just take classes at school."
"You shouldn't quit," Sara said. "You're so talented. But if you quit, I quit."
Nicole did not want that to happen. This was where Sara wanted to dance. It's where all her friends were. She even didn't want to be the source of friction between Meredith and Sara.
"I can't believe you," Sara said. "After all that's happened to you tonight, and you're concerned about me."
Just then, there came a knock at the door of the dressing room.
"Can I come in?" a sad voice said. It was Meredith.
"Should I tell her to get lost?" Sara asked.
"No, what more can she do to me?" Nicole said. "She can't hurt me any worse than she already has."
Sara opened the door. Tears were flowing down Meredith's face.
"Oh Nikki, I'm so sorry," she said. "The other girls, we all are."
They didn't know how much they hurt Nicole until they saw her head to the dressing room.
"I still don't understand what you're going through," Meredith confessed. "But you've proven to me–to all of us–that you're a girl. I was more mad at you and Sara for transferring to another school. Can you ever forgive me for being so cruel?"
Sara was the one who wanted to be tough.
"She has a right to be mad at you for as long as she likes," Sara stated.
After what Sam had gone through most of his life, it broke Sara's heart to see how people react in such a way as her friends did in class.
Tears were rolling down Nicole's face. She smiled. "I can't stay mad at you," she said, and Meredith gave her a big hug.
Nicole was shocked when she walked out of the dressing room. The rest of the girls in the class were lined up. Most had tears in their eyes. They all apologized. One by one, they all gave her a hug.
Some of the parents apologized as well, including Meredith's mom, who apologized to both Nicole and Amanda.
"It's something that really doesn't happen a lot around here," she said. "We knew about Sam, but he doesn't live around here."
Meredith wanted to make it up to Nicole.
"Mom, would you mind if Sara and Nikki came over on Friday for a sleepover?" Meredith asked.
"That would be fine with me, but you'd have to ask Nikki and her mom," she replied.
Amanda looked at Nicole.
"It's all up to you, sweetpea," Amanda said. "If you want to go over to Meredith's house, it would be fine with me."
Nicole nodded her head yes.
"That would be nice," Nicole said.
Madame Ruth came up and talked to Amanda and Nicole before they left.
"I thought Nicole handled it as well as she could have," Madame Ruth said. "She was strong in class. She was a very beautiful dancer. I thought about giving a lecture after class was over. But the girls knew they did something wrong."
It was an interesting night. It was the first test of many Nicole would go through in her journey to become a woman.
Amanda was glad things worked out the way they did. Deep down, she feared the worst.
She was at a loss for words for what to say to her daughter.
"How did you feel when they were treating you that way," she asked Nicole.
"I was very scared," Nicole said. "They made me feel so much like a freak."
"Don't ever feel that way," Amanda said. "You are a beautiful child."
"I'll try not to mom, but it's not easy," Nicole said.
"Nothing about growing up is never easy, much less what you've got to go through," Amanda said.
Amanda couldn't fathom what Nicole was going through. How could she? Compared to Nicole, she had lived an easy life. Being the age Nicole was didn't make things any easier.
That was an age Amanda didn't want to have to go through.
Amanda admired Nicole's strength.
There were times when Nicole seemed very gentle, very fragile. That was the child Amanda picked up in Boston a few weeks ago.
There were times, like that night, that Nicole seemed as strong as rock.
She knew she had to be strong as a rock for her daughter, especially during the times that Nicole seemed so fragile.
Chapter 13
-----------
"What does this all mean?" Amanda asked her attorney, Bob Nichols.
"Apparently, your father set up a trust fund for Nikki like he did for you," he said. "Your stepmother, did, too. The Lancasters were able to dip into it when they had custody of Nikki. They can't now, so they want they want Nikki back."
Amanda was enraged. Money was not even on her mind when she took custody of Nikki. She knew there must have been money for her, but she never really pursued.
"What kind of chance do they have of taking custody back from me?" Amanda said.
"Under normal circumstances, very difficult," he said. "To challenge custody, you would have to prove the person who has custody is unfit, or that a change of custody would be in the best interest of the child. As a sibling, you also have a higher priority than an uncle does."
"I'm a good mother," Amanda said. "They couldn't handle Nikki. She's done fine living with me."
"Well, you're allowing her to live as a girl," Nichols said. "They've hired a private investigator and they know that. The rulings from judges on transgendered children have been all over the map."
He told her of a couple in Ohio who lost custody of their child because they chose to raise him as a girl. He also told her of a mother in Virginia who lost custody of her child to her ex-husband because she chose to raise their son as a girl. She lost custody because she defied a court order forbidding her from raising him as a girl.
"It really depends on the judge and how conservative a community is," he said. "Fortunately, we don't live in a community as conservative as those two cases."
"She'll be devastated," Amanda said. "She's going to a sleepover at a friend's house tonight. I won't tell her until after she comes home. I want her to have fun and not to worry."
Deep down, Amanda worried. Nikki's nightmares seemed to be going away over the last few days. They were sure to return.
"I also think you need to change attorneys for this," he said. "I don't have experience with cases like these."
"Who do you recommend?" Amanda asked.
"Nita Walker," he said. "I've already contacted her. She is more than willing to take the case."
"I've heard of her," Amanda said. "But isn't she known for taking on feminist causes?"
"Oh yeah, she is," he said. "I've gone against her a couple of times and lost. She's also got experience handling gender identity issues. I'll contact her to set up an appointment for you."
"Thanks, Bob, I appreciate all of your help on this," Amanda said.
Words could not describe how she felt as she walked out of her attorney's office. How would she tell Nikki about this? Nikki went through hell when she lived with her aunt and uncle.
She knew she had to find a way to protect her daughter. She hoped the attorney Bob was referring her to could help keep a tragedy from happening.
She also resolved to make the Lancasters pay for what they've done to Nikki. They were greedy and they've tortured him enough.
*****
"Do you think I should take this?" Nikki told Amanda, showing her a shirt she was going to take with her to the sleepover at Meredith's.
"I think that would be cute," Amanda said as Nikki packed it in her overnight bag.
She also packed a pair of jeans, her night gown and a swimming suit, The Bakers had a pool.
"Can you pass me my CDs," Nikki said, pointing to a stack on her dresser.
"Are you sure you girls were going to have time to listen to all of those?" Amanda said. "You're just staying over night."
"Oh, mom!" Nikki said.
"Sorry, didn't mean to pick at you sweetpea," she said as she gave Nikki a big hug, a little bigger than usual.
"Anything wrong mom?" Nikki said, sensing the embrace was a little different than normal.
"I was thinking about what a beautiful girl you're becoming," Amanda said. "I was thinking about how I was thankful you came to live with us. Our lives were not complete without you."
"I'm thankful I'm here, too, mom," Nikki said.
Amber and Kayla joined them in the car as they rode over to the Bakers. They arrived about the same time as Sara.
"You really look nice, Nikki," Meredith's mom said as they came through the door.
"Mandy, how have you been?"
"Could be better," Amanda said. "I've been really busy."
She wasn't about to tell her what was going on with Nicole's custody situation. She knew Meredith and her mother were just now coming to terms with Nicole living as a girl.
It was a nice thing they were doing. She didn't want to burden them even further.
"So what are we doing tonight?" Sara asked Meredith.
"Thought we'd hit the pool first," Meredith said. "Then maybe some music, movies and maybe dancing. Mom's ordering pizza."
"Sounds like a plan to me," Nikki said before they went to put their suits on.
This time, she chose a one-piece instead of the bikini she had worn over Sam's.
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Meredith said before they plunged in.
Meredith's mother was amazed. No one would have ever thought that Nikki had been anything but a girl. She was sorrowful about how they reacted when they first heard the news.
The girls had fun in the pool. They raced at first. No one was really the fastest.
They even tried their best ballet moves in the pool.
"I'm doing a fouette!" Sara shouted, trying to impress her friends. Nikki was practicing her ron de jambres and grande battements. She was amazed how slow her legs moved in the water and how high she could kick.
"This is really cool," Meredith said.
They also talked about boys. The talk soon turned to Sam.
"So do you want Sam to be your boyfriend?" Meredith asked.
Nikki blushed.
"I don't know," she said. "He is kind of cute."
"I'll take that as a yes," Meredith giggled.
"I don't know, we're taking it kind of slow," Nikki said. "I don't want too much going on at one time in my life."
"That's probably a good idea," Sara said, although she did like the idea of her friend being her girlfriend's cousin.
"Girls, pizza's here!" Meredith's mother shouted.
The girls hurried out of the pool and dried off.
"Go upstairs and change right quick," she said.
"Okay, Mrs. Baker!" Nikki said.
Nikki put on her shirt with a pair of cutoff jeans.
"Wow, that's cute top!" Sara said.
All three were similarly dressed. They did their best to dry their hair, but rushed down stairs. They didn't want to get the pizza to get cold.
"I'll help each of you with your hair when you get done eating," Meredith's mother said.
"That would be cool, mom!" Meredith said.
Anna Baker couldn't believe three girls could put away pizza the way they did. Then it was off to upstairs, where she combed each of their hair.
"Nikki, you have beautiful hair," she said as she combed Nikki's. "If it were a little longer, I would braid it."
"It's so pretty and blonde," Sara said. "Wish mine was nice and golden like yours."
"I really think yours is beautiful, I'd love to have it," Nicole said. Sara's hair was long and brown.
"Frankly, I prefer redheads," Meredith giggled. She had auburn hair.
"Oh, I think your hair is very beautiful!" Nikki said.
Their evening was filled with dance movies. Center Stage, Step Up and Save the Last Dance were their favorites.
Meredith and Sara did their best to show Nikki ballet moves and jazz moves, at least as much as her bedroom would allow without knocking things over.
"You girls turn that music down!" Meredith's mother shouted as they listened to their CDs. She couldn't understand why they liked "screamo music."
*****
Amanda really enjoyed hearing Nikki talk about the sleepover. She was glad Nikki had a great time. With everything she's gone through, she needed to have a night of fun with the girls.
She struggled for words to tell her. She didn't know what to say. It was almost like bringing Nikki's world crashing down.
"No, I'm not going back!" Nikki shouted. "I'll kill myself before I'll go back!"
Amanda knew those weren't just words. She knew Nikki's life really was at stake.
"I don't want to go back to being Nicholas," Nikki said. "I'm not a boy!"
Nikki and Amanda both were in tears. Amber and Kayla both came into the room. They all embraced into one big group hug.
"I promise you Nikki, you won't have to go back to being Nicholas again," Amanda said. "I've got all three of my girls here. No one is going to break up this family."
"We're not going to let them take you away from us," cried Amber, agreeing with what her mother said.
*****
"Come on in, Ms. Walker will see you now," the secretary said to Amanda and Nikki.
"Take a seat, my name is Nita," the woman said from behind a desk.
She wasn't quite what Amanda was expecting. She was a woman in her mid-thirties. Nita Walker could just as easily have been a soccer mom instead of an intimidating attorney.
"You must be Nikki?" she said. "My daughter Pamela says she's in your P.E. class at Royal Hills."
"You’re Pam's mom?" Nikki asked.
"Yup," she said. "So how do you like Royal Hills?"
"I like it a lot," Nikki said. "Everybody seems really nice there. I like it better than my old school."
"That's good to hear," Ms. Walker said. "One reason I picked it was because of the tolerance program they have. I want my daughter to grow up to be open minded. I want you to grow up to be open minded, too."
"Yes, ma'am," Nikki said.
"Now let's go over your case," she said.
She asked for Nicole to be there in case she had any questions. She also wanted to be as reassuring as she possibly could be.
"We do have some good news," she said. "The case has been assigned to Judge Myra Williams’s court. She's proven to be very sensitive to cases like the one we have."
"That's good," Amanda said. "Bob Nichols told me about similar cases where custody was lost."
"Well, I've examined quite a few things since you talked to Bob," Ms. Walker said. "Thank you for sending all of the documents over. Thanks for letting me speak to Andrea, she was quite helpful and will be a good witness for us."
She proceeded to lay out a strategy. Andrea's testimony about the Lancasters' abuse of Nikki would play a major role. Their desire to keep drawing from the trust fund, Ms. Walker said, would also come back to aunt them.
"I find it interesting that you did not seek to find out if there were any trust left for Nikki," she said. "That's something that will work in our favor. They'll know right away that you're not in it for the money."
"I was more worried about Nikki's welfare," Amanda said.
"That is the main point of our case," Ms. Walker said. "We're going to show that you have looked out for Nikki's best interest the moment you took custody."
Ms. Walker then looked Nicole in the eyes.
"We're also going to show that you living as a girl is in your best interest," Ms. Walker said. "Sometimes, parents in cases like these back down. They force their children back to the gender they were born to as a compromise. We're not going to do that. I want the judge to see that Nikki is nothing but a 12-year-old girl trying to live a normal life."
Strengthening their case, she said, were the nightmares of Nikki's life in Boston, the fact that they were coming to an end before the Lancasters filed to regain custody and the fact that Nikki's grades had improved greatly since she had come to live with Amanda.
"I also want as many people to testify who have seen her both as Nicole and Nicholas," she said. "I want people to know that Nikki is better off as a girl."
Amanda and Nicole both felt reassured by Nita Walker's words.
"Nikki, you want to know why I'm so passionate about this case?" she asked. "Because I want to make this world a better place for you to live as a woman."
She showed Amanda the motions she had drawn up in court. They were her answers to what the Lancasters were filing.
"I also drew up these two petitions I want you to take a look at," Ms. Walker told Amanda.
One was a petition asking for the judge to grant Amanda's adoption of Nikki. "I don't want this to ever come up again," Ms. Walker explained.
Amanda signed it quickly.
"I was wanting to do it anyway," she said. "I just didn't know how to do it. I didn't know when to do it."
Ms. Walker then passed another order over to Nicole to see first.
"Pass it to your mother as soon as you are done reading it," Ms. Walker said.
It was a motion asking the judge to formally change Nicole's name from Nicholas Taylor to Nicole Meggs.
Nicole fought back the tears and passed it on to Amanda.
"This is what you want?" she asked.
Nicole nodded her head yes.
"It's what I want to," Amanda said just before she signed the documents.
"I don't want either of you to worry," Ms. Walker said. "Nikki, you're going to stay right where you are. You're going to remain the girl that you are. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure of it."
Amanda embraced Nicole as they walked out of the attorney's office.
"Didn't I tell you this was all going to work out?" Amanda said.
*****
Nicole walked out of her bedroom in the dress suit Ms. Walker bought her. She looked, in Amanda's opinion, like a mini-lawyer in her coat, miniskirt, pantyhose and heels.
Nicole thought Amanda looked pretty professional herself as they prepared for what they hoped would be a happy day in court.
They greeted Ms. Walker on the courthouse steps.
"You look very nice, Nikki," Ms. Walker said. "You look like you could try this case yourself."
"Thanks to you, Nita," Nikki said.
"It was a very nice gift," Amanda said.
"One of these days, you may be a professional woman like me or your mom," Ms. Walker said. "I thought it would be nice for you to see how it feels."
She then asked Nicole and Amanda if they were nervous.
Both nodded their heads yes.
"Take a deep breath," Ms. Walker said. "It's going to be okay."
Nikki wasn't exactly looking forward to walking into the courtroom. Bruce, Madlyne and Shanna Lancaster were there with an intimidating attorney.
They talked about Nikki's life with them, how they caught "him" crossdressing, how they were patient with "him", but had to correct "him", that it was in "his" best interest to live the gender "he" was biologically.
They denied abusing Nikki. They dismissed Nikki's depression, unhappiness and low grades to being a boy going through the loss of his mother.
Their high-priced Boston attorney called psychologists who testified that what Amanda was doing was actually harming Nikki.
They put Amanda on the stand to explain what their private investigator had found out, that Nikki was living as a girl.
To their dismay, Amanda was very solid in her answers. She told the judge that she didn't encourage Nikki to become a girl. At times, she said, she did her best to discourage Nikki from becoming Nicole because she feared for her safety.
Then Ms. Walker took her turn presenting Amanda and Nicole's side of the case.
She got the Lancasters to admit they took drastic measures to get Nikki to stop dressing up in girls' clothes. They admitted they at times over did it with corporal punishment.
"You did this, yet you didn't even bother to have Nikki see a therapist?" Ms. Walker asked Madlyne Lancaster. "Don't you think it is in a child's best interest to find out what is going in their head?"
Madlyne Lancaster broke down. She even slipped up about the finances.
Ms. Walker put psychologists of her own on the stand who testified that living as a girl was in Nikki's best interest.
The most compelling was Andrea Dornan, who testified about the nightmares and the very real claims of abuse by Nicole. She also testified about the changes for the better since Nicole was allowed to live as a girl.
Three mothers, Sam's, Sara's and Meredith's, all testified about the positive changes they saw in Nicole's life.
None of Ms. Walker's witnesses were tripped up under cross-examination.
The final witness of the long afternoon was Nikki herself.
She was asked by attorneys for both sides about her life with the Lancasters and with Amanda.
She wept several times during her time on the stand. She had to relive some of her worst nightmares and biggest fears.
"Please, don't make me go back there to live with them!" she pleaded at one point to the judge.
Other than the Lancasters' cold stares, there was hardly a dry eye in the courtroom when Nicole was through.
Her testimony was compelling–it was real.
"This has been a long and very difficult day," Judge Williams said. "This is a different kind of case, but in my opinion, not nearly difficult as some would believe."
She said some custody cases required her to take several days, even weeks, before making a decision.
"But I researched as many cases on this issue as I could before this day began," she said. "It still comes down to who I feel is acting in Nicholas Taylor's best interest."
There was a silence in the courtroom.
"Ms. Meggs, there are courts who have disagreed with your methods in raising Nikki," she said. "Given what has come out today, I don't think any of them can question whether or not you are acting in Nikki's best interest. They would question yours,” she said, looking at the Lancasters.
"The petition requesting a change of custody has been denied," Judge Williams said. "Nikki will remain in the custody of Amanda Taylor Meggs."
Both Amanda and Nicole breathed a sigh of relief.
"Mr. Morton”–the Lancasters' attorney–“your clients are free to leave," she said. "Ms. Walker, I need your clients to remain here for a few more minutes."
Amanda gripped Nicole's hand as the Lancasters walked out of the courtroom.
"I hope that is the last we'll ever see of them," she whispered to Nicole.
"Me too," Nicole said.
As soon as the Lancasters had left the courtroom, the judge said there were two other motions that needed to be addressed.
"I felt it appropriate to have only you present, because this does not involve the other parties in this case," Judge Williams said. "Ms. Meggs, I am granting your motion of adoption."
Amanda hugged Nicole.
"It's official," she said. "You are my daughter. No one can take you away from me now!"
"Ms. Meggs, as Nicholas' parent, is it my understanding you want to change your child's name?"
"She does, your honor," Ms. Walker said as she presented the change of name motion.
"It is granted," she said. "You are now known as Nicole Taylor Meggs."
"Young lady," Judge Williams said. "I can't grant a change in the birth certificate at this time, I want you to understand that when you are of legal age, you can request it."
"Yes, ma'am," Nicole said.
"Good," Judge Williams said. "I never thought of you today as anything but a girl just by the way you conducted yourself today. If I am still the judge of this court, I'll make sure it will be granted when that time comes."
Chapter 14
-----------
"Hold still," Amanda said as she tried to do Nicole's hair.
"Ouch," Nicole said as Amanda worked to get her hair up into a bow.
"Oh come on, sweetpea," Amanda said. "I think you're worse than Kayla."
Amanda was just glad Nicole's hair was finally getting long enough to do
things with.
"There, we're done," Amanda said. "Tell me what you think."
Nicole couldn't believe it when she looked in the mirror. She looked
nice, fancy even.
She grinned.
"Thanks, mom," she said.
"Let me take a look at you," Amanda said. "Turn around."
Nicole twirled.
Amanda looked at Amber and Kayla.
"The three of you look so adorable," Amanda said, admiring her work.
Her three girls wore identical dresses. They wore the same bows.
Although Amber and Kayla's hair was a little longer, their hair was done
the same.
It was family portrait time. The girls wore dresses that matched
Amanda's. The portrait would replace the one hanging in the living room
with just Amber and Kayla in the photo with Amanda.
"Well, let's get going," Amanda said. "Our appointment at the portrait
studio is 3:30."
They got into the car with instructions not to get anything on their
clothes. Nicole looked up to the rearview mirror.
"Who in the world taught you how to primp?" Amanda said.
"I've watched you a few times," Nicole giggled.
But it really just came naturally.
'We have an appointment with Jolene," Amanda said when they arrived at
the studio.
"Mandy, so this is the whole crew?" a young woman said from behind a
curtain where she was doing some photography.
"This young lady must be Nikki!" she said. "I'm glad I get a chance to
shoot the whole family."
She tried different poses, with the girls surrounding Amanda. They tried
different props. Each girl held stuffed animals. They held baskets.
Jolene the photographer took several photos. Nicole admitted it was a
little fun.
"It will be a week before I get the proofs back," she told Amanda. "I
know we've got some very good ones to choose from."
"That will be nice," Amanda said.
In addition to the family portrait, she usually sent copies to family
members and friends. One photo was with a Christmas setting to be sent
out as Christmas cards.
She also gave a special portrait to her mother.
After the photo shoot, they drove to the jewelry store.
"Why are we stopping here, momma," Kayla asked.
"I had a bracelet redone," Amanda said.
It was waiting for her. She had a bracelet with three girls heads on it.
She showed it to Nicole, whose head was placed first in line with her
first, middle and last name and birth date, matching heads for Amber and
Kayla.
"It's my 'mother's' bracelet," Amanda said. "I've got my three girls all
in a row."
She bought the bracelet shortly after Amber was born. She made an
addition with Kayla. She had already planned for an addition when she
first got custody of Nicole. Fortunatley, she waited, so she didn't have
to remove one with Nicholas' name printed on it.
*****
Settling things in court seemed to turn Nicole's life completely around.
The nightmares came to an end. Amanda noticed Nicole really blossom.
Part of the transformation meant remodeling of Nicole's room. Amanda and
Amber helped paint the walls of her room her "signature" purple. She put
posters on the wall of ballerinas, her favorite musicians and actors,
including her favorite, Orlando Bloom.
She helped Amanda pack up the clothes she wore as Nicholas.
"What are we going to do with them, mom?" she asked as they taped up the
box.
"We're going to give them to the Salvation Army as soon as your
grandmother gets here to watch Kayla," Amanda said.
Amanda was amazed how much her mother accepted Nicole as one of her
granddaughters. They got along really well.
"Grandma's here, grandma's here," shouted Kayla as Amanda and Nicole
carried the boxes of Nicholas' clothes downstairs.
"Those are some nice clothes, I'm sure they will appreciate them,"
Amanda's mother said.
"I'm sure they will," Amanda said. "I know they'll put them to good use
for kids who don't have a whole lot."
She also thought giving the clothes away taught the girls a good lesson
about being charitable.
"The All American Girl forms are in my purse, Mandy." Amanda's mother
said.
"Your club's putting that on again this year?"
"We always do," she said. "And I want my grandgirls to be in it again
this year."
"What's All American Girl?" Nicole asked.
"It's a beauty pageant," Amber said. "It's always so much fun."
"I see you already filled them out," Amanda said.
"All they need is your signature," her mother said.
"Here is one for Amber Gayle Meggs," Amanda said as she pulled it out of
her purse. "One for Kayla Anne Meggs and one for Nicole Taylor Meggs."
Nicole's face lit up.
"I'm looking forward to seeing my oldest grandgirl in it this year,"
Amanda's mother said.
"So what is it like?" Nicole asked.
"Well, there is a talent competition," her grandmother said. "There is a
knowledge competition. Then there is an evening gown competition where
you will be judged on your poise and grace. They have competition in
different age groups. Kayla's in the preschool competition, Amber's in
the older elementary competition and you'll be competing in the preteen
competition."
"Oh my gosh, it is a lot of fun!" Amber said.
"I'm looking forward to taking my grandgirls shopping to buy their
dresses for the pageant," Amanda's mother said.
"You won't be a stranger," Amanda told Nicole. "Meredith's grandmother
is in the same club as your grandmother. She's in it every year."
"You mean she wins it every year," Amber said.
*****
"Nicole, you're not spotting dear." Madame Ruth shouted as they were
doing chaine turns during ballet class.
Nicole tried to do everything right. She stayed on demipoint. She turned
in time with the music. But she forgot to spot.
It caused her to zig zag a little. It also caused her to become dizzy.
She then found a poster on the wall to concentrate on. She did her best
to finish strong.
"Very nice finish Nicole, don't forget your arms," Madame Ruth said.
Sara and Meredith were impressed with how far their friend had come in
such a short time.
"You are far ahead of us when we were only in our first year," Sara
said, trying to give her friend some encourage.
"Oh, yeah, you are," Meredith said. "I'm impressed."
"You guys are just saying that," Nicole said.
"Girls, stop talking and concentrate on your dancing!" Madame Ruth
shouted.
Taking class from Madame Ruth was fun, but she was so very proper,
Nicole thought.
They ended class with their reverance. All of the girls in class did
perfect curtsies.
"The cast list for the Nutcracker is on the wall," their teacher said
after class was over.
They rushed up to the bulliten board to see what parts they managed to
land. Nicole really didn't expect to be on the list since she was only
in her first year of classes.
"Oh wow! Sara, you get to be Clara!" Meredith said. "She's going to be
the star of the show!"
Meredith then elbowed Nicole.
"We're going to be party girls together," she said. "And we're also
going to be daisies together."
"Daisies?" Nicole asked.
"Yup, both of you will be dancing in the waltz of the flowers with some
of the girls in the company," Sara said.
"We will post rehearsal times next week." Madame Ruth said as she passed
out notes to each one of her pupils. "Your parents need to read this
note. It will tell them when you need to be fitted for your costumes. It
also lists the days of our performances."
Nicole couldn't believe she was going to be in the performance.
"We're going to have so much fun together," Meredith said.
Nicole couldn't wait to tell Amanda she landed two parts. Amber also
landed two parts in the performance. She was going to be one of the
mice. She was also going to be one of the sheep in the second act."
"I can't wait to see both of my girls dance," Amanda said.
"Oh Nikki, I heard we're going to be in the All American Girl pageant
together," Meredith said.
'"Yup, my grandmother signed me up," Nicole said.
"What are you going to do for your talent?" Meredith asked. "I'm going
to do ballet. Maybe we can practice together."
"That would be great!" Nicole replied.
*****
Sara passed Nicole a note in English class. Nicole blushed.
"Can't wait to see you in the All America Girl pageant," the note said.
"You'll be prettiest one there. Nikki, would you be my date to the
Halloween costume dance? Love Sam."
"What does it say?" a curious Sara asked.
"Oh you probably already read it," Nicole said.
"No I haven't, honest," Sara said. "Would I do that to my best friend in
the whole world."
"Well, maybe not," Nicole whispered back. "Sam wants me to go to the
Halloween costume dance with him."
"So are you going to go?" Sara asked.
Nicole smiled, blushed and tried to be coy. She then nodded her head
yes.
She then wrote Sam a note.
"Dearest Sam. Can't wait for you to see me in the All America Girl
pageant. It will be fun, I can't wait. I would love to go to the
Halloween costume dance with you. What should we wear? XOXO, Nikki."
Nicole decided to pass the note on to him on the way to P.E. He always
waited for her and Sara to pass down the sidewalk before going to class.
He smiled when she handed him the note. She blew him a kiss when she saw
that no one was looking,
He was very sweet.
P.E. proved to be a big challenge as always. Her coach passed out knee
pads to every one. She then went over the rules of volleyball before
dividing her squad into two teams. She and Sara were again inseperable.
"So are you going to the Halloween costume dance?" she whispered to
Sara.
"Yeah, but since it is only for students at the school, I can't go with
Daniel," she said. "I'm going with a friend of Sam's who is kind of
geeky."
"Who? Who? Please tell me," Nicole teased. "I told you I was going with
Sam!"
"Mark Porter," Sara said.
"They play video games all the time together," Nicole said. "But you
know, he is cute in a nerdy kind of way."
"Thanks a lot," Sara giggled as the volleyball landed right between them
on the ground.
"Girls, pay attention!" their coach shouted.
Nicole and Sara laughed.
"Oops, we sort of let that one slip by us," Sara said.
"Guess we have to do a better job next time," Nicole said as she gazed
over at the boys playing basketball.
She noticed that Sam kept staring at them.
"Guess Sam better start paying attention, too," Nicole said.
Nicole had a little hard time concentrating the rest of the day. She
tried to think of famous couples they could go as.
She thought of Romeo and Juliet. She thought of Brad Pitt and Angelina
Jolie, but she couldn't figure out how they could dress up as them. They
could also go as something spooky, like Frankenstein and the Bride of
Frankenstein.
She looked forward to picking out costumes. It was something she and Sam
could do together.
*****
Nicole was a little surprised that her grandmother let Sam and Sara go
with them to pick out dresses for the All America Girl pageant. She was
also a bit surprised that her grandmother picked out a pretty hip place
to buy the dress.
"You didn't think I kept up with the latest fashions, did you?" her
grandmother asked as they walked into the store.
"Nope, I didn't," Nicole said. "You know grandma, you can be so cool
sometimes!"
"Sometimes?" her grandmother asked, teasing her. "Not all of the time?"
"You know what I mean, grandma," Nicole laughed.
First up was Kayla. There wasn't much decision making there. Their
grandmother picked out a dress she felt her granddaughter would look
cute in.
That wasn't hard, Nicole thought. Her little sister looked cute in just
about anything.
Next up was Amber. She was a little more selective.
She finally made her choice with a little assurance from Nicole, Sam and
Sara that she was going to look cool.
Finally, it was Nicole's turn. At her grandmother's insistence, she
tried on several dresses.
She acted like a runway model, modeling dresses for her grandmother,
Amber, Sara and Sam.
"That dress is really you!" Sara said when they finally picked up what
Nicole thought was the best one.
"I'd like to thank the Academy for this award," Nicole said, playing
like she was accepting and Academy Award. "I'd like to thank all of the
little people..."
"I can't believe my grandgirl is such a ham," her grandmother said. "You
shouldn't have any problem at all in the pageant."
They then put on shoes. She made Sam put the shoes on her feet.
"I want you to be Prince Charming," she said. "I feel like Cinderella."
"Too bad we don't have any glass slippers," Sam laughed.
"That's okay," Nicole said. "This pair will do."
They day shopping made Nicole feel special. She did really feel like
Cinderella.
Chapter 15
-----------
Amanda tried to keep from laughing as she watched her mother try to teach Nicole and Amber lessons about poise and grace for the pageant.
She had to admit she wasn't the pageant type, but Nicole and Amber seemed to enjoy their preparation.
The sight of both of them walking around the house with books on their heads was a bit funny. It was also a bit priceless. She reached for her camera and snapped photos.
"One of these days they'll kill me," she thought, because they were photos she was going to put in the album. She was also going to email them to friends to show how cute her children were.
"You girls have very good posture," Amanda's mother said.
"Looks like the ballet classes are paying off," Amanda said.
Her mother taught the girls how to sit in dresses, even though Amanda pointed out they weren't going to be sitting during the competition.
"They need to learn manners," her mother said. She extended the lessons to table manners, how to eat with utensils, how to fold napkins and how to hold cups.
"They don't teach this like they used to," she told Amanda. "I want my grandgirls to know what its like to be lady-like. That seemed to be lost with you."
"Oh, mom, really?" Amanda said, liking the thought of teasing her mother.
She watched as her mother grilled them with questions, testing their knowledge.
"What is the capitol of Florida?" she asked Nicole.
"Tallahassee," Nicole replied. "That was too easy."
She asked Amber to point out Egypt on the globe she had.
Amber pointed it out correctly.
"You wouldn't believe how children don't know geography these days?" Amanda's mother told her daughter.
"You don't say?" Amanda replied. She did her best to go along.
"Nicole, who are the Democratic candidates for president?" her mother asked.
"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton," Nicole said, winking to her mother.
"They are going to be asked current affairs questions," Amanda's mother said.
Amanda was actually impressed.
"Well, I do pay attention in social studies," Nicole said.
"Who was the president during the Civil War?" Amanda's mother asked Amber.
"Umm––Abraham Lincoln?" Amber asked.
"Good job!" Amanda said, impressed with how smart her girls were.
"Can we show them now?" Amber whispered to Nicole.
"I guess, if grandma's through asking us questions," Nicole said.
"Show us what?" Amanda asked.
"It's a surprise," Nicole said.
The two ran upstairs to their rooms. They wanted to show their mother and grandmother their talent routines.
Amanda knew they were going to do a dance they learned in ballet. She paid for tutus for both of them.
Nicole pulled up the tights and pulled on her tutu. She made sure her hair was perfect. Amber was doing the same thing in her room.
"Ready to go back down stairs?" Nicole asked Amber as she peaked into her room.
"Uh, huh," she said.
They slowly walked down stairs, making their grand entrance back into the living room where their grandmother, mother and Kayla were waiting.
"You both look very lovely!" their grandmother said.
"Thank you grandma," Nicole said as she put a CD into the CD player and moved the coffee table to give her and Amber some room.
Amanda recthink you'll both do fine in the pageant," Amanda said.
Dornan recogognized the song that was playing. It was a song from the "Waltz of the Flowers" from the Nutcracker.
The two girls danced in unison with the music. Amanda was impressed with how beautiful they danced.
She and her mother clapped when Nicole and Amber finished up with curtsies.
"That was lovely," Amanda said. "Where did you two learn that."
"Madame Ruth has been working with us and Meredith after class," Nicole said. "It's going to help us with the Nutcracker, too. She gave me the CD. Amber, Kayla and I have been working on it in the garage."
"I've got to admit, you three are pretty sneaky," their grandmother said.
"I at her desk, listening to Nicole describe how her life had been after the court battle between her mother and her aunt and uncle.
"So you've had no more bad dreams?" She asked.
"Well, sometimes," she said. "It's awful. I'm growing hair all over my body. I grow a beard. My body looks like a man. It's awful."
"I see," Andrea said. "You fear the body changes you would go through?"
"Yes, I'm not a boy," Nicole said. "I don't want to become a man."
Andrea perfectly understood the dreams. They were Nicole's real fear. Her body was about to go through puberty. It treatment weren't prescribed, than those dreams could in fact come true.
"Let me assure you, Nikki, there are things we can do to make sure you grow up to be the woman you want to be," Andrea said. "That is what you want?"
"Of course!" Nicole snapped.
"Nikki, you must understand why I asked that question," Andrea continued. "Once you reach a certain point in treatment, there are some things that aren't reversible."
"You mean after I get rid of this ugly thing between my legs and it becomes a vagina?" Nicole said.
"Yes Nikki, that's exactly what I mean," Andrea said.
"I don't ever want to go back to being a boy!" Nicole said in a matter of fact way. "I never was a boy. I feel like I'm in prison because of this thing."
There were times, Andrea thought, that Nicole seemed much older than her years.
She could see a change in Nicole. She was no longer talking with a child that seemed reserved and depressed.
Being allowed to live as a girl made Nicole much more confident. She seemed to be happier.
"This is enough for the day," Andrea told Nicole. "Ask your mom to come in here and wait for us in the waiting room."
"Okay," Nicole said. "She's all yours," she said to Amanda.
"She is an amazing girl," Andrea told Amanda. "She seems much more mature than her age."
"I've picked up that, too," Amanda said.
"She seems much more sure of herself," Andrea said. "She seems more comfortable with herself now that she is living as Nicole fulltime."
Those were words that were comforting for Amanda to hear.
"That's good, right?" she asked her friend.
"Yes it is, but there are some things you need to be aware of," Andrea said. "Has she told you about her dreams?"
"She has some," Amanda said.
"She's concerned about the changes her body will go through," Andrea said. "That's a normal thing for any preteen to go through, especially one who is transgendered."
"What should we do about it?" Amanda asked.
"Well, I think it is about time we start moving toward the next steps," Andrea said.
She gave Amanda a card with a pediatrician's name on it.
"Melanie Phillips is a very good pediatrician," she told Amanda. "She's worked with transgendered children. I think its time we start Nicole on hormone blockers."
"Wow!" Amanda said. "I knew we were going to reach this point eventually. She's growing. And there is no turning back."
She wiped a tear from her eye as she prepared to leave.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Nicole asked as they were heading to the car.
"Oh nothing, sweetpea," Amanda said. "Moms just get emotional when their babies start growing up."
"I'm not a baby, mom!" Nicole said.
"Oh yes you are!" she said as she squeezed Nicole's hand. "When I'm 100 and you're 84 and we're both in a nursing home, you'll still be my baby. So will Amber and Kayla."
*****
"Come on Sam, show us how you look!" Sara shouted as she and Nicole stood waiting outside of the changing room at the costume shop.
"He's really shy, you know!" she said to Nicole.
Slowly Sam emerged, dressed in an Arabian costume.
"You look very nice, Alladin," Nicole said. "Where is your lamp?"
"You look very cool, cuz," Sara said. "I really think this is going to be a very good idea."
Sara and Nicole came up with a Disney theme for their costumes for the Hallowe’en dance at school.
Sam and Nicole were going to be Alladin and Princess Jazmine. Sara was going to be Belle. Mark was going to be the Beast.
"Come on Mark, we're waiting," Nicole said. "If Sam showed us, you've got to show us how you look."
He came out.
"That is so cool, dude," Sam said.
Sara and Nicole were equally impressed.
"You're going to ruin your reputation," Sara said.
"You mean that of a computer geek?" Mark asked.
"Yup, you're going to look way to hip for that image," Nicole said.
"Well girls, now it is your turn," Sam said.
"Let's go show them what it is really like to be glamorous," Sara said.
"We're not going to start singing that Fergie song are we?" Nicole asked.
"Now that would be really cute," Sam laughed.
Sara and Nicole grabbed their costumes and went into the changing room.
"You're really going to drive Sam wild," Sara said.
They walked out arm-in-arm.
"What do you think?" Nicole said.
It took Sam a couple of seconds to say anything.
"I think he's stunned," Sara said.
"You guys, I mean..." Sam stammered for words to say.
"You look lovely," a voice said from the other side of the room. It was Amanda. She was the one who took the kids in search of the perfect lovely.
"But Nikki, I'm not sure I want people to see your midriff," Amanda said.
"Well, mom, Sara and I were thinking about getting our belly buttons pierced," Nicole said, knowing it would irritate her.
"Don't even go there, Nicole Taylor Meggs," Amber said, winking and faking like she was mad.
"You do look beautiful, sweetpea," she said. "And Sara, you make an elegant Belle."
"What about us, Ms. Meggs"? Sam asked.
"You boys look very cool," Amanda said. "You're going to have so much fun. I wish my school had something like that when I was your age."
*****
"We need to hurry up," Meredith said as she and Nicole put on their makeup. "They are about to announce the winner in Amber's age group.
She and Nicole rushed from their makeup tables. Amber had done and incredible job. She was one of the finalists in her age group.
"And the winner is....Amber Meggs", the emcee said.
"Way to go little sis!" Nicole said as they placed a tiara on Amber's head and gave her a bouquet of roses.
"It's about time for us to go on," Meredith said. "Good luck, Nikki!"
"Good luck to you, too, Mere," Nicole said.
Their age group started with the talent portion. Some of the girls sang. One girl acted out a part. A couple of girls twirled batons. One played the piano, although she was a little off key. Another played banjo.
Meredith took her turn. Her dance was a little different. It was more complicated, but Nicole didn't seem to mind. She knew Meredith had more years of ballet training.
Then it was her turn. She had butterflies, but they seemed to disappear once the music started. She enjoyed being on stage. She was amazed by how much applause she got.
"You did really good!" Meredith whispered as Nicole came off stage.
"So did you!"
They changed into their dresses just in time for the quizzing part of
the competition.
Nicole was amazed. She felt she didn't have much of a chance after the talent portion of the contest. Other than the poor girl who played the piano, everyone was pretty good.
But the quizzing part was an eye opener.
Most of the contestants were missing very easy questions, questions that Amber wouldn't have a problem with.
Most, but not all. Nicole was amazed how Meredith answered her questions with ease. Meredith was equally impressed with Nicole.
Meredith and Nicole were both in the final five. They had one more chance to impress the judges. They had to walk around the stage with poise.
Amanda couldn't help but giggle as Nicole walked along the stage. It was if she still had that book on her head.
Finally, it came down to the announcement of the winner. One-by-one, the names were announced. Only two girls were left on the stage...Nicole and Meredith.
It wasn't a shock that Meredith was announced as the winner. It didn't upset Nicole at all. Meredith was very good. She was very happy for her.
"Thank you, so much, it means a lot," Meredith said when Nicole hugged her. "I'm proud of you, Nikki. Your first pageant and you finished first runner-up!"
She wasn't the only one proud. There were tears in Amanda's eyes, as well as her mother's.
"All of my grandgirls did so good!" she said as Amanda took pictures of Nicole, Amber and Kayla. Nicole and Kayla wore sashes, with Kayla finishing second runner-up in her division. Nicole was glad Amber was the center of attention for once.
She was glad to let her little sister have the spotlight.
Chapter 16
-----------
Nicole stared at herself in the mirror.
She wanted to make sure the makeup looked just right. She turned in a circle with her costume. It looked nice enough, although she wasn't entirely pleased with the body in it.
Since she wasn't a "genetic" girl, she knew her breasts were going to be flat without help.
They wouldn't start to develop until she started taking estrogen, at least that's what Andrea, her shrink, told her.
Even then, she might have to have surgery.
But the blockers were making sure she didn't develop a masculine body either. In fact, Amanda thought Nikki's body was amazingly developing curves on its own, especially around her butt and hips.
"Oh my gosh, you look beautiful," Amanda said as she stared at Nicole.
"You're just saying that 'cause you're my mom," Nicole said.
"Oh no, sweetpea," Amanda said. "You are an amazingly beautiful young lady. And your costume looks great, even if your belly button does show."
Nicole gave her a big hug. Tears were flowing down her cheek.
"Do you think I'll truly be accepted as a girl," she asked.
"I don't think so, I know so," Amanda said. "If no one had ever known you were a boy once, they wouldn't believe it."
She looked around her daughter, inspecting the costume and the makeup job.
"You make an amazing Jasmine, although I never knew Jasmine had sandy hair," Amanda said.
"Well, I thought about a black wig," Nicole said.
"Oh no, I like your hair just fine," Amanda said.
"You know, that harem girl costume does give me an idea," Amanda told Nicole. "I've been thinking about taking that belly dancing class at the rec center. Amber's a bit to young, but you might be the right age."
"Oh mom, that would be so cool," Nicole said.
Suddenly a rush of feet could be heard coming down the hallway. Nicole's door bolted open.
"Mom, Nikki, come quick, you've got to see this," Amber said as she and Kayla rushed into the room.
"Slowdown," Amanda said. "Aren't you girls going to say anything about how your sister looks?"
"You look awesome, sis! Now come on," Amber said.
Nicole and Amanda rushed down the stairs to see what all of the excitement was about.
Amber made sure they looked out the window.
"Wow, now that's impressive," Amanda said about the white stretch limo in the driveway.
"Well, Sam said we were going to be riding in style," Nicole said right before the doorbell rang.
"Well hello, Street Rat," Nicole said to Sam, who was dressed as Aladin.
"Your chariot awaits, my princess," Sam said.
Nicole pretended not to be impressed.
"Well, it beats a camel," she said. "But I was sort of hoping for a magic carpet ride."
"This was all the genie could arrange," Sam said.
"I guess this will have to do," Nicole said as she climbed into the limo.
Sara, dressed as Belle, and Mark, as the Beast, were already in the car.
"Is this cool, or what?" Sara asked.
Nicole just grinned and tried not to blush.
*****
"You're an amazing dancer," Nicole whispered to Sam as they danced to a slow song.
"Thanks, well I can't take all of the credit," Sam whispered back. "Sara's been teaching me."
"Well, you've been a perfect gentleman," Nicole said as the dance came to a close. "You've really made me feel like a princess tonight."
"Well, you are a princess to me," Sam said as they took their seats at a table during a break between songs.
"Wow, you guys were cutting a rug out there!" Mark said.
"You too look so great out there," Sara said to Nicole.
"You guys aren't so bad yourselves," Nicole said as another dance started.
The four decided to sit this one out.
"Boy, the costumes are so amazing," Sara said.
Some of their fellow students came as anime characters. Sam and Nicole noticed two couples that came as gender swap couples.
There were other Disney themed char actors. A couple of Sam's friends came as Shrek and Fiona.
"I wonder where Donkey and Dragon are?" Nicole asked with a laugh.
The dance ended with a slow, romantic song.
"Shall we dance, my dear?" Sam asked.
"Why, of course, Street Rat," Nicole said as the song came on.
It was amazingly enough, Whole New World.
Nicole was amazed that Sam knew the words of the song. He serenaded her as they waltzed across the floor.
"You are so sweet," she said.
She did not want the dance to end.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we hav e an announcement to make," said Ms. Redding, who was Nicole's English teacher.
"The winners of our costume contest are....Sara and Mark," she said.
"That is so awesome," Nicole whispered to Sam. "I told Sara she looked so amazingly beautiful in her costume."
"Actually, I think it was because of Mark's beast head," Sam said with a laugh.
They enjoyed the ride home. The limo dropped Sara and Mark off first.
"Well, I guess it's time I walked you to your door," Sam said, grabbing Nicole's arm.
"I really had a nice evening," Nicole whispered. She felt goosebumps, but she didn't know whether they came from the cool night breeze or whether it was because she was nervous.
They just stood there for a few minutes in front of her door.
"Nikki, would you be offended if I give you a kiss," Sam said.
"I would be offended if you didn't," Nicole said, although she felt a little embarrassed after she said it.
Sam gave her a peck on the cheek.
Nicole blushed and smiled.
"Sam, just a second," she said as he started to walk toward the limo.
He had a curious look on his face.
She walked up to him. Put her arms around him and gave him a peck on the lips in return.
He blushed.
"Thanks for making me feel so much like a lady!" she said.
"I made you feel like a lady," Sam said. "Because you are a lady."