We were now pulling into the driveway at my house and I was becoming nervous again. I have my two other brothers and mom, but what are they going to say? When we were younger my father was not supportive or sensitive, but he nearly died of illness when my youngest brother was just five. Since then he has become more loving, but closer to my brother.

There are cars parked in front of our house, and I wondered who else is there. Jane spoke, “Aubrey and my Mom are here. Your parents know and your brothers; they are to be on good behavior.”

My mother, Nina, and Aubrey were the first to greet me. Mom’s big grin told me I was okay and was looking good. “Honey, you look like you could be my daughter.”

I chose to sit on a dining room chair that had been brought to the living room to provide enough seating. Mother had often commented how we brothers slouched as where young women sat at the front of the chair with their backs straight up. I sought to do the same as a woman might. My mother commented that I did well but could be straighter, which I was obliged to do.

I saw my mother give some money to Jane, “I hope that covers what you spent and then some.” Jane tried to resist; Aubrey said, “But the gain was ours.”

Mom retorted, “The clothes are hers and they are worth every penny.”

My father finally spoke, “I can’t believe he agreed to it, but then again, it is hard to believe how attractive she’s become.” I sighed my relief. I knew I should be embarrassed, but I didn’t feel so.

Greg, the younger of my two brothers, said, “I can’t believe you’re my brother. I’m moving in with Jeff for now.”

Aubrey mentioned the need for a fitting for Jane and her new bridesmaid.

After Jane and the Brewers left, and dinner was over Mom took me up to my room and made sure Greg wasn’t around. She said, “I’ve seen when you’re in your larger group of friends; when Jane and her girlfriends decided to do something and you weren’t invited. You’ve wished many times you could be one of them. You’ve even come home and described new clothes Jane or Lisa bought as if they were your own.” Mom continued, “I have a sister and I have lived this long without a daughter, but it’s you who never outgrew your feelings. They were present today, weren’t they?”

“Momma, I’m not a sissy, never have been!”

“No, you’re not, it has taken a lot of courage to be you. You ran cross-country but twisted your ankles until the doctor said you needed to quit. You’re better in band and chorus than you are in sports. And you’ve made posters using the school’s mascot since you were in sixth grade. Everyone knows who you are and are proud of you. You’ve stayed away from the cheer team and fashion classes just because you don’t want to be typecast.”

“But Mom what I did today, changes everything,” I acknowledged.

Mom said, “It changed nothing, but that you were ready to step forward. It doesn’t need to be a public thing until Aubrey’s wedding. And if it’s not you then we’ll treat it as a one-time thing.”

She stood up and turned to me, “If you’re open to it, there are some new nightclothes in your second drawer. Don’t wear them out of the room without a robe unless you’re ready for your brothers to know.”

It was ten-thirty and I was ready for bed in a two-piece girl’s night outfit; when Greg came in to get clothes for tomorrow. He looked at me, and then asked, “You’re not going to start wearing girl clothes to school are you?” He was relieved when I said ‘no’. “You’re still my brother so far. I don’t want that to change or for people at school to know about this!” I was moved when he was kind of okay with me. He gave me a hug that was different from our being brothers.

I went to school the coming week and no one except Jane’s friend Lisa and Serena’s younger sister Camila knew about me. Cami said, “Welcome to our new girls' club.”

I was upset that Cami knew about me. She told me, “Well for your knowledge, Serena’s Aubrey’s Maid of Honor. I’ve been recruited to help you to become more like one of us. When you go to get fitted for the bridesmaid dresses; we’re to help get you some more clothes and makeup for practicing.” She said, “I wasn’t excited at first about being in a girls club to help you.”

The rest of the week went well and I was Lee all the time at school and most of the time at home. Mom had borrowed some of cousin Sue’s old clothes for me. Tuesday mom had my dress and be Lela, saying I needed experiences with all that it takes in being a girl.

She was right: I had the mistaken thought it must be very easy to be a girl and look pretty with no effort. Mom had bought a package of panties, pantyhose, and two ‘everyday’ bras. I had showered and shaved my legs and allowed my mother to shave my underarms. Air or clothing going over my clean legs felt wonderful.

Jane, Cami, and Lisa came over Wednesday to give me makeup lessons.

It was then that Lisa said to Jane, “She’s coming to like this, isn’t she?”

Jane said, “Yes, but he has been fighting it; please don’t tease him about it.”

The second time, we were to practice makeup; they wanted me to start with the concealer and foundation. Lisa and Jane helped me to even out the foundation. The makeup was light as would be the blush and my eyeshadow. Lisa asked, “Would you be interested in seeing how your look would change if I used colored eyeliner and matching mascara around your eyes?”

I had noticed what the girls did, but I wasn’t sure how to do the eyeliner. Jane smiled, she knew I was willing to see it. The result spoke to me that as a bridesmaid in a fancy gown that this would be better. What I wasn’t ready for was to put on a dress and go out to a Chinese restaurant.

My parents were happy to give me the money I needed. Dad even agreed that the practice would be good. The Oriental Garden was a local restaurant and we, four girls were warmly received. Mai Li a classmate from school came over to greet us. She asked my name and I said, “Lela Scott.”

She said, “I am happy to meet you, Lela. I hope you don’t mind but I think your eyes are especially beautiful.” She asked, “Do you go to our school or Lisa’s?”

I changed the subject asking, “Can you check, I want an egg roll as well as the soup?”

Jane chided me, “You’re lucky that she hasn’t figured out who Lela Scott is. Saying Lela would have been enough. What if she asked if you knew Lee Scott and then you blushed in embarrassment?”

It came time for Jane, another young woman, and me to go with Aubrey and Serena for our gown fittings. Serena’s gown was to be the same pink as ours, but in a darker shade with more lacework on the skirt and bodice. Our gowns were very pretty and it included some white lace on the skirt. I worked hard to hide how much I was enjoying it. It felt very girly to my being fitted for a gown. Wearing a shaper and being snuggly fitted into the gown added to the trauma.

After I had changed back to the girl clothes I was wearing I went out to the larger room where we had entered. I noticed a lost and found box and was intrigued to see what was in there. Cute panties, a couple of blouses or tops, several makeup cases, and one disk of pills. There was a notice on the box that things over thirty days would be thrown away. Each of the lost items had a date it was turned in. The disk of pills showed they were prescribed three weeks ago and lost eighteen days ago. I slipped the disk of pills into my purse.

After everyone was done being fitted Aubrey and her mother treated us all to dinner out. It took me little time when I was alone to manage to get one pill from the disk. I managed to hide it between my fingers until I got to the table to take a drink of water.

I sighed a sigh of relief, Jane asked me, “Was it that intense for you to get fitted?”

I almost told her what I did, but I caught myself, and instead, said, “You have no idea what it takes pretending to be a girl and go through all of this.”

Mrs. Sara Brewer overhead us and giggled, “How sweet that must be Lela; we very much appreciate you doing this. If there is anything I could do to help you, please let me know?”

Without thinking, I asked, “If you mean that there’s something I need for practicing for the wedding, reception, and rehearsal?”

She gave a quizzical look, “Of course, what do you need?”

“I need another pair of heels that fit me. I have been practicing in a size 7, but it is causing sores as well as giving me problems.” She was amused at what I said. I was wearing a pair of flats and when I took them off she saw the redness of my squeezed toes.

The waitress was bringing our food, so Mrs. Brewer said, “Right after we eat, we will find a shoe store and get you properly fitted.”

We ate and had a good time talking around the table. I was so taken in with being one of the girls, that I forgot. But Mrs. Brewer remembered the need to get a new pair of heels for me. It felt strangely good to be at the center of attention as we went to a shoe department. The DSW store in a nearby shopping center had a wide selection. Serena Veach took the lead in walking with me, She asked helpful questions, like if I wanted the same heel height and width that I’d be wearing for the wedding.

Finally, she suggested why don’t we get you a pair you could wear to rehearsal and the reception that might be a little more comfortable. We looked hard and found three pairs that fit the bill, but the cheapest was a Naturalizer that cost $125, even with 25% off it would cost one hundred dollars.

Mrs. Brewer asked her daughters, after looking through her purse, “Do either of you have my DSW Rewards card?” Aubrey was the one that had it and it gave her another 30% off. When I said ‘Thank you.”

She said, “You are very welcome and you make a very pretty young lady.” I blushed and Serena hugged me, “You know she’s right and I for one am very proud of you. I know you’re Lee, but being Lela also suits you.”

I said, “I thought the same, but didn’t think anyone else would understand.” Serena squeezed me in a hug; she drew in Jane and now the three of us were reaffirming what Serena had said. It was becoming okay to pretend in being Lela.

It was eight-thirty when Mrs. Brewer took me home and Jane was with us. Sara Brewer made such a fuss, “Your Lee, makes such a wonderful young woman. Let me show you some pictures of her in her gown.” And with that, another long visit began. Jane interrupted, “Would you like to see her new high heel shoes?”

I had gone up to my room and started to change over to being Lee when I was called back downstairs to put on the heels in front of my mother and father. My father spoke up, “I can’t believe this Lee even in his clothing and heels I see Lela. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Daddy, I was with the others all day and they fussed over me. It felt like I was one of them. Mrs. Brewer learned that the shoes I was wearing to practice were too tight and hurt my toes. I didn’t ask for a pair of high-heels but they are so much better for my feet. I hope you allow me to keep them.”

My father said, “I want to thank you, Mrs. Brewer. How much do I owe you? I’m surprised to say how wonderful they look and make Lela so happy.” He turned to me, “You, young lady, let me see if you can walk in them upstairs to get on a proper skirt and blouse.”

I said, “But Daddy, I’m tired and was wanting to get ready for bed.”

“Your friend Jane is here and your mother deserves to see these beautiful shoes on a nicely dressed young woman. Now go upstairs and don’t be too long.”

Jane followed me up to my room and we searched my small girl wardrobe for a skirt and blouse that were fitting. It was one of Cousin Susan’s old skirts and a cream-colored blouse with two birds with a pink ribbon in their mouths. It made a cute outfit.

Mrs. Brewer met me at the top of the stairs and brushed out my hair, used a blush, and a lip-gloss wand to refresh my lips. I then went downstairs and asked, “How do I look, mom and dad?”

My mother said, “You and the outfit are cute enough, but they shout to me that you need some clothes of your own. I’m going to take you shopping, tomorrow.”

“Ugh’, I sighed.

It was two weeks later that Serena looking in my purse for makeup, spotted my disk of pills. She said, “Your pills are almost out; would you mind that I helped by giving you another disk? These won’t help you to become a girl, but I think it has begun to help your hair and skin complexion. Doing it up through the wedding won’t be bad.”

I asked, “Do you think others have noticed?”

“Jane and I seem to be the only two that have noticed,” she said. “The other would be the mothers and I haven’t heard any clues that she sees any difference in your appearance.” That was a relief; I wasn’t sure it was true, but I wanted to believe so.

I finished the disk of pills that I had found and taken the first of the pills that Serena gave me. I felt a little sad that Serena said they wouldn’t help me to be a girl. I did like the confirmation that they had helped the change in my hair and complexion.

I was so tired after I took care of everything with Serena’s help that I was afraid, I wouldn’t remember the day, but my dreams were full of the experiences I had. I even saw myself dancing at the reception in my beautiful gown. That boys found me attractive even made me surprised.

It was Sunday morning so Mom waited until 7:30 to wake me up. She said, “Dress for church, but remember that you and I are going shopping afterward so I want you dressed as Lela.”

“Mom, you can’t take me to our church as Lela?”

She giggled to me, “We’re going to a large church it is in the direction of Bridgewater Mall. I am sure we can be there for their 10 o’clock service. I’ve wanted to go to such a church for a long time to see what it is like.”

I tried to resist and upset my mother to the point of her changing her mind. She, however, was too excited to become upset or to set doing otherwise. She threatened me, “If you put up any more of a fuss, I will consider outing you as a boy during our day out.” There was a gleam in her eyes that said I didn’t want to push her any further. My mom wasn’t that mean, but I knew not to push things.

Just the opposite, I made twice as sure that I looked and behaved well as Lela. Three teenage girls came up and greeted me and when they learned where I was from they started to say names. Debbie saw my eyes change with recognition with the mention of Cami Veach and Jane’s friend Lisa Hobbs. She asked, “So is there a particular boy you’re going out with?” I went quiet, so she asked me about a few boys the year ahead of me. Then she questioned whether I liked boys, and I didn’t want to say no.

I said, “There was one I dated, and two I like but I haven’t been asked out by them.” I was rescued by my mother saying we needed to go shopping at the mall.

Debbie handed my mother a card saying, “My sister works there and this card is good for an extra 15% off anything you buy there. Please, tell Denise you saw me at church. She’s a very good salesperson.” We both thanked her and went on our way. “By the way what is your name?” she asked?

“I’m Lela and it was very nice to meet you, Debbie.” She said something more as I stepped away, but I just said thanks and yes, to whatever it was.

Mom said, “Young lady, you are good at attracting nice friends.”

“But Mom, she got me to say I’ve dated a boy and that I was interested in two others,” I admitted.

Mom said, “You covered well, that is a natural response for a young woman like yourself.”

I said, “But I’m not a real girl?”

“You didn’t want her to know that and it should feel nice that you made a friend of a girl. Lee doesn’t easily do that.”

With Bloomingdales at one end and Macy’s at the other and three levels of shops. We started at Bloomingdales to window shop and were walking through the mall when we came to Express Clothing. Mom gave me a small bump to go in and asked me to keep an eye open for a Denise.

It was no problem in finding clothes a girl would like, and one person was nice enough to ask if she could help me. It was then I asked, “Is there a Denise here, her sister asked if I’d say hello.”

The woman smiled and said, “Yes, and I’ll see if she’s able to help you. She is very popular.” I tried saying it was no problem if she couldn’t, but the salesperson was gone.

Mom came over and we were looking at a skirt when Denise came from behind us. She stepped into my line of sight, “I’m Denise, am I able to help you? I’m sorry if you felt put upon by my sister.”

I responded, “No, she’s nice and cute like you are.” That might have been more appropriate for Lee, but awkward for Lela. I began to apologize, and Denise cut me off.

She said, “I understand, and thanks for the compliment. Deb has a way of relaxing people, and you were no exception.”

“I’m new at being a girl and I don’t have much of an everyday wardrobe,” I said. “I know that sounds stupid, but I’ve agreed to help someone and I’ve got in this position.”

Denise giggled under her breath, “I might not have known. It’s cute that you’re going to this extent to help someone. Are you enjoying the adventure?”

I said, “Enjoy, I don’t know, but it’s quite the experience?”

She said, “I suspect you know if you do. Wanting some everyday clothes or a wardrobe sounds pretty committed to me… What do you want to look at first?”

My mother intervened, “Probably a skirt or two and some tops that coordinate well with them.” Mom looks to me, “I think she’s right you know that you’re enjoying it a little.”

Denise asks me, “Do you like the variety and colors that girls get to choose from?” She was walking over to the skirts and dresses. “You have nice legs from what I can see not all girls can wear skirts and look as good as you will… Now, let’s talk as though you’re another one of the girls.”

“Are you looking for a full skirt, narrow A-line, knit, print, pattern or solid, any special colors? I’m just throwing out some possibilities and I’d be happy to explain whatever is needed.”

I said, “I need help, so I don’t look uncoordinated, or out of place that people might wonder.”

Denise pulls out three skirts, “This one is what we’d call an A-line, here’s a pencil skirt, and this one flairs out.”

I picked out a blue skirt that she called a full A-line skirt and she stopped me. She said, “Blue will look on you, but that one would wash out your complexion. She found another blue skirt and Mom agreed that the skirt would look nicer on me. Denise found me a red and yellow print blouse that had a trace of the same blue that made them work nicely together.

Mom and I found a pencil skirt, it felt nice, but not knowing skirts, I said, “But it’s too narrow, my steps would be too short.” Denise smiles and I know she wanted to giggle at me, “There’s a thread that keeps it together until it’s sold. And this one has other buttons that can be opened to walk more freely. It will look fabulous on you.”

My mother had taken a picture of me in this outfit, and I sent it to Jane. My phone rings, it’s my ring tone for Jane. I click to talk and Jane beats me in speaking, “You’re taking our suggestion and getting clothes to practice in. That has to make you feel like a real girl. I am so jealous and upset that I wasn’t invited along.”

I told her my mother hadn’t told me until this morning. She was surprised that I went to church as Lela and that I made a friend in Debbie and then her sister Denise at the store. She said, “God must not only be smiling down upon you but blessing you.”

Mom interrupted me from talking longer; we bought two skirts, four tops, and a pair of leggings and designer jeans. We went out with more than I remembered buying or trying on.

Denise was happy as she knew Cami, and Serena Veach even better. “I’m one of Serena’s favorite salesgirls as well as a close friend.”

When Mom and Serena were proud that we saved over $100, my thought was, ‘How much did we spend?’ Well, we spent just over $225 with taxes included but saved over $170 from the expected cost. Mom assured me between sales and the added discounts of using the card Debbie had from her sister, she was very pleased…

To be continued

My brother Greg had begun teasing me that I was becoming his sister. It was because after school our Mom insisted I had to practice wearing the clothes and being a girl. He teased that he’d do the outside yard work if I did his chores inside and the dishes.

Mom’s response was, “I’m glad you agree to do more work, but I am not allowing you to stereotype things like that. You along with Lee will help with cleaning the bathrooms and doing laundry. But Lee can do most of the kitchen help.”

She added, “If you tease your brother too much, I can get you a skirt and blouse to wear at home.”

I had tried protesting about how much time I was spending as Lela. My mother and Jane insisted it was necessary if I was going to do well, and wasn’t going to embarrass Aubrey at her wedding.

It was two days later that I found myself in an unusual conversation with my brother. He is two years younger than me and we get along, but we have trouble conversing. I was so sure that he was upset about my acting as Lela, and I thought I understood why he was angry. Mom had gone to our grandparents that day; when he said we need to talk and clear the air.

I was the one now getting angry; I’m the oldest and I don’t like being told by my younger brother when we should talk. So I snapped back, and said, “I’m your big brother you don’t tell me what to do?”

He sat and was shaking; he said, “This is hard enough, please. I want to say thank you, but also explain that I appreciate what you’re doing. Mom has never said anything, but I know I disappointed her when I wasn’t a girl. What you’re doing; should have been me. I wished Dad had taken better care of his diabetes and that they had a sister for us. But that didn’t happen. Dad died and I was supposed to be Grace.

“I’ve teased you and we joked, but I’ve really tried to be nice to you and say I understood, but I didn’t and I don’t know how or what to say. You didn’t tease me a lot when I began to stutter or wet the bed. When some things started getting better, Dr. Brokaw asked if I ever told you thanks or what I thought.”

Greg continued, “I told him you knew I looked up to you, that you wouldn’t understand my issues. The truth was I’ve always been afraid you’d throw things back in my face. I’m thankful that you’re Lela and I’m not Grace. I’m proud of you, but I’ve been afraid to say that around others. There are you happy? Do you want to yell and tell me what kind of a coward your young brother is?”

I was dressed as Lela but I was very present as Lee. I dropped and sat in the chair across from him. I had felt sorry for Mom that one of us wasn’t a girl. But I had no idea that Greg felt guilty or that stuttering or bedwetting had anything to do with how he felt guilty.

He said, “When you and Jane and then Marcy and others became friends. I was angry that I couldn’t do that. There was Stacy next door and other girls at school. You were friends with Neal, Chuck, and others even when they teased you.”

I remembered when Greg was nice to Stacy or other girls and then how mean he would get the next time. It wasn’t anything I did or didn’t do, just more drama and he never changed until he started to like them.

I hugged Greg and it got weird as I was using my voice as Lee, yet looking more like Lela. “Wow Greg, I never would have guessed. You’re the one that things have come easier for as a boy.

“I’m not trying to be a girl, it just seems to happen. I fear that I do like it more than I should.” Suddenly emotions overwhelmed me; I didn’t mean to admit that to Greg. I was now afraid he’d change and use it against me.

“Greg, I didn’t mean to admit that to you. I am glad you shared. I saw you shaking like a leaf; I know it must have been hard… Did you mean what you said to your doctor about looking up to me? Were you afraid I would throw those things back to you? Maybe I did?”

Greg said, “You teased me once and you threw a soiled sheet at me. I expected you were always angry at me though you’d never say it.”

I said, “I got that too much from my friends, Chase and Matt, as well as others. I knew it didn’t help or make sense. If I was a good brother I should have told you that.”

Greg said, “You did apologize and told me a lot of good stuff. But I was sure Mom and Jane made you say that.” He said, “I thought they made you weak.”

I don’t know when we stopped our conversation, or cried and apologized to the other. But it was at least two hours before Mom came home. We planned to make breakfast for supper, but mom brought home pizza.

Greg was the one who started our time together. I saw the sorrow come to my mother’s face. She said, “I thought you worked through that with your counselor. I should have seen it. I love you as you are. Neither of you needs to be a daughter for me. We’re a family as we are.” She hugged Greg with tears filling her eyes. She held him and rocked him, and his smile slowly returned. Being thirteen, it was the first time I remember him hugging her back like this.

I was ready to walk away and leave the moment to them, but Mom grabbed my retreating hand. “No, you don’t, were are not done yet.” I knew to sit and Mom spoke some more to Greg. He stayed, as mom’s attention returned to the two of us.

She turned a little more to me, “Lee, I hope you know beyond a shadow you don’t need to be Lela for me.”

I interrupted, “But it is okay that I do it for Jane and me, as well as for Aubrey’s wedding.” Mom smiled as I continued, “I’m always going to be your oldest son, Lee. But I think Greg and I agree, you don’t mind having a daughter now and then.”

Mom said, “I confess, I’m enjoying these times, but not at the expense of either of you. I want to be the mother and father someday for each of you as a groom. I regret my shortcomings as a parent. Tonight is an eye-opener; I’ll try to listen and be here more for you, but you two as young men you need to confide in me. Your thoughts and feelings are not off-limits because you’re guys, or that you’re too grown-up.”

She turned to my brother, “Greg, you can go. Wait, let’s warm up the pizza, and then I want to talk to your sister alone.”

Mom put the pizza into the oven and each of us went to clean up. I was the last to get back as I had makeup to repair as I cleaned up.

Fortunately, mom had gotten a good pizza and the crust and the pepperoni and sausage still tasted good. Greg was left to clean up the plates and get rid of the pizza box.

Mom takes me into her room where she has a chair as well as her vanity seat. She said, “You and I need to be open about what’s going on; it has to be good for you… I’ve enjoyed our time, but it should be over if you’re just trying to be my daughter.”

I made sure my voice as Lela would be steady, “You can relax. It may have started with Jane setting me up, but I am a willing participant. It seemed like I was the last to realize it wasn’t much of a stretch from being Lee to Lela.” We talked on and she accepted that I’m Lee and that Lela is an enjoyable extension.

She had a package that she had when she came home from my grandparents. She said, “There is a package from your grandmother. If you accept it you should send a thank you to her.”

I asked what it was, and left it to me to find it out for myself, and she left the room. It was in a thin box wrapped in delicate pink paper. I was fairly sure mom had told her mother, but nothing more, i.e. ‘was she accepting, what did she or my grandparents think?’

I unwrapped the paper, though I tore some of the wrappings. On the box, before I opened it, was a note. “Lela do not be embarrassed but know we are happy for you. You are encouraged to wear it after the wedding rehearsal, and before the wedding. Dreams are for embracing. Love, Henry & Elizabeth Willes”

I opened the box to find a beautiful satin and lace camisole with girl’s boxer briefs. Another time I might have laughed or been embarrassed, but I received it as intended as a granddaughter, coming of age.

I was hearing more from Aubrey as well as Jane, and then we were to meet with her and Serena, her maid of honor, for a luncheon.

School had been going fine; Greg’s respect and attitude helped. I was feeling better about myself. Wearing one of my dress shirts with a sports coat over a pair of Lela’s jeans was received with the humor I intended. I wore a camisole underneath that became evident during the afternoon heat. I had taken off my coat and left it in my locker. Jane, Marcy, Sonja, and Toni rallied around me. Ms. Dross, my literature teacher, complimented me, “This makes a nice picture of one embracing oneself. I am pleased with your casual attire.”

It was a month before the wedding when Jane and I met with Aubrey and Serena. We were at a restaurant near the church where the wedding was to be held. Aubrey and Serena were wanting to know about my comfort in getting ready with them before the wedding. It was more of a two-way discussion on how comfortable we would be with one another. Jane and Aubrey’s Aunt Eliza lived close by and made her place available for us to change from our everyday clothes to evening dresses for a night out.

Eliza had a room with chairs about the size of the space we’d be using. I kind of sucked in the air when Aubrey and Serena first started to undress. Instead of acting away startled I turned and began to undress as well. Aubrey was down to her panties and bra, with a changing robe that hid little. She sat at a chair doing her makeup when she turned to me and called my name. “Hmm, Lela, Jane had indicated you have begun to blossom.”

It was seeing Aubrey’s acceptance that I smiled. I was thankful for the time and experience. Seeing two women just years older and in the glory of their beauty was like seeing living pieces of art.

When Jane revealed the nice dress I bought at Express Unlimited; I realized more was coming. We were to meet up with the groom, the best man, and two groomsmen. Aubrey said, “We wanted to take away the personal surprises that would have otherwise come on the day of the wedding. We will be out with the men for an experience similar to the wedding and reception.”

And I asked, “And what if I don’t pass?”

Aubrey said, “I think being here with Serena and me, as we got ready was as challenging as anything. I am not looking for someone perfect but comfortable being herself. I am impressed like I was sure I would be. That this experience will be behind us; will allow us to relax and enjoy the wedding day that much more.”

She was right, stepping into my dress because of her and others was helpful. I felt comfortable asking for help as I was in giving it. Serena smiled, “This makes the bra fitting seem like a breeze, doesn’t it?” One of my bras bought then was what I was now wearing. I’m certain Jane and Serena knew.

I was handed a new pair of dangling earrings, I surmised they were to give me an experience similar to the wedding day. Aubrey’s Fiancé Bradley Hanson was soon there along with the best man and two groomsmen. Jane would be with Arlen and I was matched with Alex.

Who I am as Lela/Lee would not be part of the conversation come wedding day, nor was it part of the conversation now.

Aunt Eliza had given me a pill and water to drink it down early in the afternoon. I was reasonably comfortable that my body would not give me problems. It did not stop my mind from knowing or sizing up Alex. Even with heels, I was inches shorter. His hands and features are more mature than my own. He was fit, but I wasn’t sure if he was an athlete.

Soon I knew that Alex was a cousin to Aubrey and Jane, and then Alex’s name became familiar to her cousin Alexander. Alex was two years older than Jane and possibly bi-sexual. He casually mentioned that he was on a short leash and to be on good behavior for the evening.

During a slow dance, he openly said to me, “Come the wedding reception some girls, and maybe a guy will be looking to see your reaction to me.”

I said, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend nor any romance.” He joked that he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend either.

When I was riding home later with Jane and Aubrey; I confessed, “I don’t think Alex will be any problem for me. But I could be interested in dancing with a guy if other emotions weren’t involved.”

Jane asked, “How about Chase Thatcher, he’ll be there?” She noticed I didn’t say anything…

To be continued…

I have come to enjoy times being with Jane and sometimes with Aubrey doing aerobics. Most of my hesitancy was in learning the moves, I was gaining some grace and it took time and effort. My waist was becoming more flexible and narrow while my hips tightened to look more round. I noticed the difference in how my dresses and slimmer blouses sat on me. I wasn’t pleased when my friend Matt as he said my waist felt and looked more like his sister and girlfriend.

I have seen Debbie from the church I have been going to. We haven’t often talked, but she said I’m becoming more girl-like. She giggles when I tell her it is just for the wedding.

When I went with Aubrey, Serena, Jane, and the other bridesmaid Susan to pick up our gowns, we had to try them on. I learned I needed another bra. Susan had apprehensions about a boy being a bridesmaid and changing with her. That changed as she became enchanted when I had to undress down to my panty and try on bras. She was giggling when she said, “You look so cute in your transformation.”

The visit to get the gowns was coordinated with a time to a salon for manicures and pedicures. My manicurist said, "I needed to take better care of my hands and fingers." She gave me a lotion and instructions to do so.

Sue insisted on my getting a vagina gaff; which found agreement, if not pressure from Aubrey and others, including Jane. The fact that my mother, as well as Mrs. Brewer, were there; led to my acceptance that this was known all along. Jane had talked to me about the possibility of a surprise. So by the time I was asked/told, I had even kind of accepted it as a good idea.

I’d wear it for a few days and then the week before the actual rehearsal and wedding service. We were now two weeks away. It was Sunday evening and the bridal party went out to eat. The Howling Moon, where we went, also had dancing, and Aubrey was going to dance with others of us in the group. The rest of us were approached by guys to dance with them. That included me; since I knew I needed to experience the first dance not with Jane was the hardest part.

I didn’t remember meeting Jeff, but he was from my school and we had met. I was for some reason comfortable dancing with him. Jane said it was because we knew some of the same people and places. He had attended our school only one year; his family was one of those that moved often.

Changing back to Lee for school was harder and I was now self-conscious about looking more like a girl. It was the last week of school; so most of it was for exams and handing back books and computers, I had one from the school.

It was Thursday and we stopped at one of the after-school meeting places. I was with Jane, Lisa, Mai Li, Marcy, and Chase; when I slipped into character as Lela. It happened before for a word or two, but this time I was two sentences into a conversation. The eyes of everyone else lit up, but no one was totally surprised. Lisa and Marcy had met me as Lela and Mai Li already accepted what I was doing. It was Chase and while he knew of Lela, everyone was surprised this happened out in public.

It was Sara and Kaitlyn coming to know that outed me more fully. Kaitlyn asked, “Does this mean you’re coming out gay? Your changes have been noticeable and had me wondering?” She made a small scene of my manicured hands, fingernails, and complexion. Before we could excuse ourselves, we ended up sitting and being part of four tables and a group of more than a dozen people. Two acted like they were creeped out about a guy acting like a girl. Over half of the group wondered if I was coming out as transgender. A friend, Nick, was a little upset that I hadn’t told him. He agreed with Jane that there wasn’t an easy way to say it or keep it quiet.

My family and the Brewers were accepting and both were pretty sure it might happen at the reception or after. All of Aubrey’s grandparents coming to the wedding already knew about me. The Willes were only surprised that Jane hadn’t previously feminized me.

I had one final exam on Friday morning and my last exam at 1:00 in the afternoon. I was distracted before each with friends or other classmates wanting to know about me as Lela. I’d have to wait for my final grades, but I was fairly sure I didn’t do as well as I might in either exam. My trigonometry and pre-calculus grades had been on the border of an A or B. I had hoped for a good exam to obtain an A for the class.

My Advanced Environmental Studies needed to be a strong B to get college credit. I was fairly sure I’d get the grade, but I was upset that the distractions caused me some doubt.

Jane had acknowledged to some that I was going out Friday night with some of them to unwind. Between us, there were over a dozen suggestions that I would be Lela going out with the group. It was a tradition that there was a good dance at the Italian-American Club for high school-age students and recent graduates the next community to ours. I had planned to go for part of the dance, but I had not planned it as Lela.

I got a message from Debbie Myers from church to Jane and myself, ‘She’d like to meet us at the dance.’ Since Arlen was to be with Jane, and Debbie was with her date Travis; she wanted to know if I’d be open to her friend Kyle. I knew of a Kyle Hammon from her school. He and I had met through forensics and math competitions. Debbie told me that Kyle had seen me at church and, “Kyle had asked me if Lela Scott was somehow related to Lee Scott as you looked like you could be related. I haven’t told him about you, but he did acknowledge an interest in going out with you. He is likely to be at the dance tonight and he is likely to be looking for you.”

It was likely that it would be Lela meeting Kyle; the remaining question was if he was going to know about me. It was a moot point as others from my school would probably know about me either way.

My mother questioned my going out as Lela, but we agreed that I needed and had earned time to relax and celebrate. Mom knew Arlen and said, she had met Travis at church and was glad there would be two guys there whom she could trust to watch out for me. “Mom, I’m a guy too, I can watch out for myself.”

She said, “I wasn’t inferring you couldn’t, but it is helpful to have another guy around. You, Chase, and Matt have watched one another’s back. That’s all I’m saying.” She asked, “Are Matt or Chase going to be there?”

“I don’t know Mom; some of the guys were freaked out that they hadn’t known about this before.” I said, “I put Matt off about playing some of his new games. I’ll talk to him, but it won’t be tonight unless he or Chase is there.”

Jane asked, “So are you open to being with Kyle part of the time if Chase isn’t there?”

I said, “I don’t want others getting the wrong idea if Kyle and I are like together.”

She asked, “Well then do you want to reply to Debbie and tell her, ‘No’,”

I said, “Then I would be the odd one out with either of you. If he’s comfortable knowing me, then he might as well come.”

Jane had gone home to get ready; I heard from Cami that she and her friend Jeff would be there. I told her which outfit I was planning on wearing and she agreed it would be cute, though ‘cute’ wasn’t the term I wanted to use.

I showered and was comfortable in brushing out a more feminine hairstyle. I was wearing a mauve pink, satin print blouse. Between my padded bra and cutlets; it would give me enough curves to differentiate from Lee. I went with minimal eyeshadow and light on the blush. Mom questioned if Jane was going to be tempted to redo my makeup.

I responded that it was my choice and that I wasn’t telling Jane what to do. Arlen had picked up Jane and had me ride with them. Arlen thought the idea of Kyle coming was going to be interesting as he heard Chase was coming.

I commented, “Why hadn’t Chase told me?” The truth was he wasn’t sure what I’d say.

The dance started at 8:00 and it was after 8:30 when we got there. Chase had already arrived and was dancing with a girl from our school. She and Chase came over to say hello after they saw us. By that time Deb, Travis, Kyle, and two others were there. We were standing around in an extended group that grew and shrank as the night went on.

My first dance with Kyle was a dance he treated as a slow dance. Kyle said, “I was surprised when Deb told me you and Lee were the same person. It sounded interesting the way she said it came about. But she was glad that I hadn’t freaked out or told others.” He said, “You probably already knew our church is an open church.

He asked, “So how likely is it this will be part of you after taking part in the wedding?”

I told him it would be ending, and he questioned me if it would be that easy. I said, “It isn’t very easy to perpetuate my being a girl.”

He took a half step back and said, “Why you could have fooled me, but then again I never thought I’d dance with a transgender person.”

I asked, “Is that what you think I am?”

Kyle said, “You are at least a very good crossdresser.” He said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m just going to treat you as Lela tonight.”

Chase pretty much stayed with Sarah; though he and I talked and danced twice. Sarah was about a year behind us in school. She was amused enough with me that when Jane, Deb, and I went to use the women’s room she went as well.

Other classmates and new friends from the church saw us. I readily got into conversation with the girls in girl talk about the coming wedding and being part of a wedding party. It felt strange when I saw Arlen, Travis, and the other guys talking. I didn’t feel welcomed into their conversations. Arlen even said, “I don’t mean to discount you but dressed as Lela, you don’t feel like part of our group.”

It was after 10:30 when Kyle took me for a walk and we talked. His hand was around my waist like when we danced. He said, “I told Deb that your waist feels more like a girl’s than another boy's… She said it was probably because you dieted and were doing some aerobics before the wedding.”

I said, “It probably doesn’t seem any stranger than my acting like a girl and dancing with a guy.” He chuckled.

He said, “If you don’t mind, there is one other thing I want to try and see if it feels like it would with a girl.” He took me in his hands and stepped forward asking if he could kiss me while we were alone. I know we both looked around with our eyes, and there was no one else there. His kiss was at first like two lips meeting and then parting. I was about to open my eyes when I felt him pull me to him and he kissed me again. The kiss was more passionate and lasted longer. Neither he nor I was ready to say anything when it ended. We hugged and that meant for me that we both liked it.

Come time to leave, Arlen asked, “Kyle, if you wouldn’t mind; would you give Lela a ride home; I’d like time with Jane.” Kyle had his car and was willing to drive me home and then go back to where he lived. It was a bit uneasy when he stopped to let me out. His hand touched mine and he leaned forward to kiss me.

=^_^=

The next day was Saturday and Mom wanted my help around the house. Greg took to the outside chores. We had done two loads of wash and had them dry, folded, and put away. Mom said, “Get your purse, we’re going to get some flowers to plant outdoors?”

I smarted back, “Greg should have to do that as they’re for the outdoors.”

Mom said, “Yes, but you’re the one who generally likes to do it. Don't you want to do it?”

“You’re right, I prefer doing it.” I asked, “If we get a rose bush, can I tell Greg he needs to dig a hole for it?”

Mom said after we bought it, “You should put on shorts and garden gloves. But, I’ll ask Greg to dig the hole as I don’t want you roughing your hands this week.”

Sunday, Greg went to church with us to our new church. It was good to see Debbie as well as others there. Debbie said, “Denise would have been here as she regularly has this weekend off. But she’s taking off next weekend for the wedding. Thus she had to work today.”

Marcy asked, “Are you looking forward to the wedding being over and done; so that you can change back to Lee?”

I paused long enough and then acknowledged, “Yes, I want to get back to being Lee, but it might not be as easy as I thought…”

To be continued...

Good news, bad news: The good news is that I have blossomed a little like a girl. It will make being part of the wedding more fun for me as Lela.

The bad news is Lee will be waiting for a while before I go to the beach wearing my regular swimsuit. My breasts have gotten a little fatty and my nipples have begun to bud. With that came a growing sensitivity.

It was Monday morning, I called Jane. I could almost feel her smile on my phone connection. Jane said, “Dress as Lela have a good breakfast and I’ll pick you up at 10:00. And do not, I said, do not glue on your breast forms. Stop taking any prescriptions and eating things like tofu with hormones. Your mother should know, but then again, Aubrey needs you as a bridesmaid.”

My mother was surprised when Jane showed up, and even more surprised that I’d be going to Victoria’s one more time. Serena Veach met us with a mischievous knowing. “Has our little nymph come for the last taste of lace and satin?”

I asked, “How did you know?” I looked to Jane with suspicion. Jane shook her head as to indicate she hadn’t said anything.

Serena spoke, “The last time I saw Lela with just a camisole; I knew your breasts had begun to blossom… It was obvious that your titillating feelings were distracting you. You needed a bra on to stop material from rubbing over them.” Serena grinned, “You did come to get a new bra didn’t you?”

Once we selected several bras, she took me into a fitting room alone, to try them on. Once my blouse and bra were off we took measurements as she previously had. She handed me the B cup push-up bra. I was no longer naive in needing instruction. I was however surprised and happy about how I looked. I knew the expected cost of the bra and had put into my purse more than sufficient funds.

I turn to Jane, “This is insane, I’ve less than a week of being Lela left.”

Jane giggles, “You are doing this to assure yourself that you’ll remember the feelings of being a girl. I don’t think Lela will ever really go away.”

Jane confessed, “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen the first time we came here.” Jane bit at a knuckle, as she spoke to Serena, “His Mom once told me that he once wished he could be one of the girlfriends when we did something special. So when Aubrey lost her bridesmaid; I asked Mrs. Scott about him being a bridesmaid. I think it is turning out better than anyone could have hoped for.”

Serena said, “That’s it! Lela, you desire to be a girlfriend even more than a lover or a girl, don’t you? Oh, how precious!”

I picked out a camisole to wear over my new bra, and for now, put my skirt back on. I had my new bra and the cami under my open blouse.

Forever 21 had a mauve pink body con dress that I wanted for rehearsal night. I surprised Jane when I bought it, but then that was as I hoped. She could wonder for a while. I had no intention to do this forever, but if she thought so, more wonderful to me.

Mom and I had a mother/daughter evening out on Monday when I told her about my breasts. She had already surmised it but wanted me to be the one who brought it up. Mom said, “Neither Jane nor the doctor would tell me. Were you intending to go this far in being Lela?”

I said, “I had hoped to look more like a regular girl, but I didn’t believe it would get this far. I crossed over some boundaries and took twice medication sometimes. Once it started to happen, I just got caught up in it. Jane and even new friends like Debbie like my pretending to be a girl. I like that I’m part of the bridal party. I’m probably the only boy who wished for something like this.”

We were in a special restaurant, Wally’s on the Hill, and the glow of the candle made mom’s smile and appearance glow. I could only hope I looked like an attractive daughter to her.

I asked, “Were you surprised or upset about how far things have gone?” I waited out her pause, I so much wanted to hear what she had to say?

She said, “I was surprised but happy when you first went to Victoria’s and that things have blossomed from there causes me concern. While I like having a daughter and a mother/daughter moment like now; I ask you to back off and let Lee emerge again.”

She said, “Not knowing what it feels like being a boy, I can’t appreciate how different you see it?” The conversation, that unfolded over dinner and into the evening, was precious… “If you decide you’d want to stay as Lela, I want you to trust me enough to be open about it. But I want you to get back to being Lee before considering that.”

I asked my mother, “How come, you and I as Lee have never talked like this?”

“We talked enough, I thought. I knew how you felt about Jane and her girlfriends. You wouldn’t open up to me or your guy friends like you do with the girls. I was more afraid of what the guys would say.” She looked up at me, and mom’s expression changed. “Lee, you been a very good big brother, but it is like you’ve grown and matured as a person in a different way being Lela. You’re the same, but you’ve grown up.”

We giggle about the coming month, after the wedding. The fact that even without taking medication it would take time for my testosterone to build back up.
=^_^=
Tuesday and Wednesday, I was Lee most of the time. Greg and I played catch in the yard. Mom allowed me to use the car and we went hiking up into the foothills. He was amused when we passed others and we knew because of my hair that some wondered if I was indeed his brother like we said.

“Lee,” Greg said, “don’t be offended, but have you any tips about my asking girls out?” I was about to get upset, and as a brother, I was about to hit him in the shoulder for asking such a question, but I stopped and thought differently.

“Thanks for asking,” I said, “the best advice is like with Becca, talk with her and listen, don’t be too quick to give her advice.”

Greg is a good student like me, but he’s built more like our dad was. I felt worse for him when Grandpa Scott got upset when our mom dated again. They don’t live close and intentionally have stayed away. I think Greg is the one who lost out most from another man being absent.

Wednesday evening, Jane was back over and I was back to being Lela. I hadn’t put my breastforms back on and was wearing a camisole under a tank top. She joked, “You know, you’d make a good-looking tomboy.”

Marcy and Lisa came over and the four of us were in my bedroom. Lisa checked my closet and commented, “You know you have quite a lot of girl clothes for being a boy?” She saw my old comforter on the top shelf of my closet and some of Lee’s clothes. She said, “Don’t take offense, but even as Lee, I don’t see you going back to being the boy you were.”

Marcy asked the same question, I had, “What do you mean by that?”

“He’s more grown-up and has more confidence,” she said. “Your clothes were dull and for a younger boy. You may still have the like for computers and devices, but I suspect even there you’ll be different. You are way more mature as Lela and as a person than you were.”

Marcy and Lisa both saw my new mauve-pink body con dress and insisted I model it for them. All three girls laughed when I insisted they wait downstairs. Marcy just wanted me to try on the dress, but Jane knew I intended to dress up a little.

I didn’t do all my makeup or completely change my hairstyle, but it all changed some. My lip gloss went with my dress as did my blush. I went light on a dark purplish mascara and I went with a sultry metallic look with my eyeshadow. I was going for a reaction and got rave reviews, except my mother.

She said, “I accept the dress, accessories, and makeup, except for the eyes.”

Marcy said, “I am impressed that you could do the look, but our moms wouldn’t allow that look to leave the house. If I had the nerve, I’d have to change it over at someone else’s house.”

The look I got from Greg when he walked into the room, was priceless. He asked, “Mom, you’re not going to allow her to go out like that?”

Thursday, I met with Aubrey and Serena for lunch and Serena had a list of things about Friday and Saturday, the wedding day. In bold letters, “It is Lela, and she only who is part of Saturday. Even if my sister Cami gives you a hard time, we don’t want Lee getting dressed, being in the wedding, or at the reception.”

Jane was there and she spoke up, “We will dance together sometimes, but it will be with Lela.” I was a little astonished at that. But Jane insisted it was just for her sister’s wedding day.

I was over to the Brewer’s house mid-morning to help gather things and take them to the church or where the rehearsal dinner was to be held. We used paper plates with ribbons and bows stuck to them to represent our flower bouquets and that of the bride. We decorated the tables for the rehearsal dinner a little. Friday afternoon, we began to decorate the church and then the reception hall. Mrs. Brewer had table arrangements for each table at the reception, There were cartons of flower petals for each table that would be spread over the table by the reception staff the next day. We did a lot of little things, but Jane assure me that there would be many more decorations come the wedding day from florists, and those hosting the reception.

I was thrilled to be part of it once but was amazed that girls and women got so caught up doing these things. I thought by 11:00 that morning I would tire out, instead, I got more excited and found energy along the way.

I went home to shower and change but was ready and excited that Jane and her father picked me up for the rehearsal. My mauve pink dress was seen as special as I had hoped. Serena as the Maid of Honor went out of her way to help me feel welcomed and relaxed. Debbie’s sister Denise was there as a special assistant to the bride. She had a basket of thread, needles, buttons, scissors, and more than I could imagine. Mrs. Brewer called it the whatever basket. She had an extra pair of stockings for the bride, two extra pairs for the bridal party, as well as extra makeup or polish remover.

It was at the church for the rehearsal that we met Bethany Long for the first time. Bethany was to sing Paul Stookey’s The Wedding Song, but as she began to sing it her voice squeaked, and then she lost her voice. Beth and Aubrey both began to cry. Aubrey explained, “I saw this song as my asking God’s blessing on the wedding. And Bethany was to be my voice in singing it for the wedding.”

The pastor explained, “Recordings of Paul Stookey singing it are easy to come by. Someone can download it and we can play it tomorrow.” Unfortunately, Aubrey wasn’t being easily soothed.

I whispered to Jane, “Bethany has the recorded music and the words. One of you can sing it; it’s not that difficult of a song.”

Serena heard me and said, “Shame of you, if it’s so easy why don’t you sing it.”

Not thinking, I said, “It would be easier to sing it as a woman than as Paul Stookey.”

Bethany agreed with me, “It is easier if the singer knows enough not to try too hard,” She took me off to the small chapel, to see if I could indeed sing the song and hear my voice.

It was the third time through that she took me back to the main sanctuary. The second time running through the wedding in rehearsal, I was asked to sing the song. It was heartening to see Aubrey’s smile return to her face.

It was our hope that come the next day that Bethany’s voice would have returned, but the wedding party was at ease with the service. Before we went to the rehearsal dinner, Aubrey felt the need to sit down with me and her mother, about her growing faith. As she said, she hadn’t become very religious but she did have a growing faith. That it was important to her that she was part of blessing her wedding and marriage.

That made it a little more nervous in singing the song, but also more meaningful. Jane who was there squeezed my hand. “This is going to make it even more amazing that you’re part of this wedding.”

That night my mother knew I was sleeping over at the Brewers, but not that I was too nervous to sleep alone. Jane figured out that I wasn’t sleeping because the light in my room didn’t go out. She came into my room took me by the hand to her room and gave me a tube top. She told me to lie down and go to sleep and she spooned herself around me. We both woke up after 3:00 and we kissed which led to a little more made, we kissed the breasts of one another. We even sucked on the breast of the other. Finally, she swatted my butt and told me to go to sleep again…

To be continued…

Aubrey came into Jane’s room around six a.m. and found us together. “Wake up and one of you get into the shower.” She giggled, “This was not a license to do this!”

Jane when done had on a pair of terry-cloth shorts and bandeau. I began quietly singing the Wedding Song as I showered. It was eight o’clock when I as part of the wedding party arrived at the salon. It was like I was in heaven, being among the women.

Jane and I began with having facials while we were having pedicures and manicures. It was a little disturbing to see my face become more like that of a porcelain doll afterward. I complained to Jane, “How am I to be Lee with a face like this?” She laughed saying it would take time.

Joni my hairstylist added extensions to my hair to make having my hair up easier to style. Joni said, “Lela, I am glad you are going all out to look like one of the girls. It will benefit the whole bridal party for you to be looking at your best.”

I thought twice, though I didn’t say anything when she began to use eyelash extensions. It felt funny for the first fifteen minutes, but once my face was fully made up I loved them.

We were to the church by noon to begin changing into our gowns. The other women teased me as I was in my panties and bra. Fortunately, my gaff allowed me to pee easily before I got ready. The bridesmaids got dressed in a separate room from the maid of honor and the bride. But that did not stop Serena from coming in to see me as I got my bridesmaid’s dress on.

She was already in panties, bra, and corset, ready for her gown. Serena said, “Denise would like the help of two of you with us to get Aubrey into her wedding gown.

They had a clean queen bed sheet on the floor and with the gown on it wrapped around a stool. Denise and Serena were to help lift the dress up and over Aubrey after she stepped onto the stool and was holding on to Jane. Cassandra and I were there to help make sure Jane stayed steady. Cassandra enjoyed talking to Aubrey.

Cassie had shown Aubrey her engagement ring and talked about Aubrey being at her wedding. She mentioned that she wanted a gown with a bralette shelf to help hold her breasts in place as the dress would have puffy sleeves at the edge of the shoulders.

I looked at Cassandra and her well-endowed breasts, and she said, “Yes, it will be a good clothing engineering feat. There is little more than a half-inch for my areolas if they’re aroused.”

Aubrey giggled, “That might be TMI for Lela.”

Jane giggled, “I am sure, Lela is taking all this in, thinking she’s only going to be in this position once as a girl.”

I commented, “I could only wish to have that problem.”

Aubrey asked, “Have you ever dreamed about being a bride?”

Denise and Serena had brought the bridal gown up and got her arms worked through the sleeves up into place. Serena was helping to gather the front of the wedding gown so it was lying properly as it snugged her hips, waist and fitted properly to the bottom of her breasts. Watching the bustline gather in her breasts and bubble over was a delight. I got to hold up the gown under her right arm as Denise was taking her time zipping up the back of the gown as she looped each button from the bottom up and zipped up the dress a little more. It was during that time Mrs. Brewer came in.

“Would you mind Lela, giving way to a mother once more wanting to help her daughter?” Mrs. Brewer looked at me, “Isn’t this a little more than you wanted Lela in helping as a bridesmaid?” Mrs. Brewer took one of Aubrey’s hands and then the other.

Jane pulled me back into the room for the bridesmaids, “We need to continue getting ready.” Once back into our preparation room Jane continued to talk about how much others didn’t know I was a girl inside. I wanted to argue, and truly believe I’m not as much as Jane wanted to believe. But today and right now were not the right time for this discussion as my heart wasn’t into it.

Aunt Eliza and a granddaughter who's to be the flower girl, brought in two boxes full of flower bouquets, roses for the mothers and grandmothers.

The changing rooms and hall became too flowery and fragrant filled momentarily for me. “Take slow breaths Lela, and enjoy!” Eliza was correct it was a good joy and I wanted to savor it, and nothing gets away from it. She took a styling comb and took me in front of a mirror. She helped to tighten some of my curls and repined my hair.

Time flew and we were soon escorted to the back of the church and ready to begin the processional. Diane Hanson the groom’s mother came up to me. “I want you to know how happy I am that you are at the wedding. And I am sorry for any ill feelings that might have come from our side of Aubrey’s new family. I am sure she hadn’t planned on you singing at her wedding. No doubt, it will be a beautiful wedding, because you are singing. I know Bradley was delightfully surprised by Aubrey’s selection.

Seeing the wedding unfold from the advantage point to being a bridesmaid was breathtaking. I knew the smiling faces were in anticipation of the Bride, but I began to feel giggly as I walked down and then looked back to see first the bridal party and then the Bride processing down with her father.

The Bride and Groom exchanged vows and were ready to be lighting the Unity Candle when I began to sing The Wedding Song. Hopefully, it not only sounded well but it resonated with spirit as I progressed with the song. It must have been good as Aubrey and Brad returned to their positions and the congregation began to applaud them. The pastor pronounced them to be husband and wife and invited them to kiss, the congregation applauded again, this time as expected.

I stepped up to Jane, and whispered, “Unlock your knees and know I have you.” I was right that Jane was ready to faint, but I asked her to take some breaths. She had recovered sufficiently to walk with her groomsman to process out of the sanctuary. She was given sips of water as we waited for her mother and father to be escorted.

I dreaded the pictures to be taken after the wedding. But I did receive a delightful surprise from Alex, Aubrey’s cousin, and the groomsmen, who were paired with me. Alex at the end of our walkout, said, “I wanted to apologize for my behavior the first time we met. I wasn’t wanting to publicly acknowledge who I am or that I might find you attractive.”

I was now very relaxed as I made it through a beautiful wedding, and my worries about being around Alex dissipated. I was amused as many people thought I was Bethany Long as she was in the wedding program to sing for the wedding. I did appreciate the compliments that I got from Bradley’s family and friends.

It was fun as we got to ride in a stretch limousine around the community with people using horns, waving, etc. to celebrate with Aubrey and Bradley. We stopped at a park with a wooden bridge for some photos to be taken. And then it was back to the church for family and wedding party pictures. I was kind of the gopher for when the men weren’t there when they were needed.

The joys of the reception included our entry, especially that of the Bride and Groom. There was a time when the bride and groom had their first dance, and then with their parents and finally us the larger bridal party getting to dance. It was a better time than I had hoped in dancing with Alex. He even asked to kiss me at the end of the dance and waited for me to say yes. Yes, I let another guy kiss me as well. It was fun to sit at the head table with Aubrey’s half of the bridal party. Jane and Cassandra sat on either side of me and treated me as one of the women.

When the Groom and Bride went walking around to visit and show their appreciation to family and friends. I was taken with the other women to a women’s room where Denise helped us out of our gown and do what was necessary, before getting back into them and making sure we looked proper. Denise even had her sister Debbie helping. Debbie giggled, “Oh, Lela, you looked and did especially well. How did you know to help Jane?”

I told those listening, “I could tell after I sang and came back to my spot that Jane was kind of staring, but not focused. My mother had warned me about locking my legs and getting lightheaded.”

The reception had opened up after the dinner and more people came to celebrate and dance. Kyle, Matt, and Chase all came which surprised me. I danced with Alex, Kyle, and Matt. Then when I danced with Jane and Debbie they both asked if I realized that I turned on a few of the guys who dance with me. My response was, “You only got to see them; I also got to feel the evidence of it during slow dances.”

Jane said, “By the kisses, it seemed you kind of enjoyed them.”

I said, “That was the extent of it; I’m not going any further with it.”

The three of us talked and I decided I wasn’t ready to spoil my girl time not knowing what more would feel like. I want to remain Lee and Lela unspoiled beyond where I already have gone. If I’m to lose my virginity I want it to be with Jane, and if not her possibly with Debbie as Lee.

Jane looked a bit guilty: I wasn’t sure if it was because she might not be a virgin, or if she didn’t find me attractive as a lover. Later I found out it was that she was not a virgin and worried that she had not saved herself for me.

It was two a.m. when I got home from the wedding reception. I woke up Greg who chuckled, “I’m glad I don’t have to undress from all of that and get makeup off before I could go to bed?”

“No,” I said, “I suspect you are, but it has been a wonderful experience. It will be nice not having to do all this, but I’ve enjoyed it.”

Greg sat down, “But this isn’t all over yet is it? Please know, I am more comfortable with Lela now.”

“Thanks, I’ll admit it probably isn’t. I’m not ready to say for sure, that I’m transgender. I think part of me is really Lela.”

It was two weeks later when I would have one of my last times for now to be Lela. I was invited to stay over at the Brewers for a sleepover as Lela. I changed out of my baby doll pajamas, and like Lee, I made out some with Jane. We enjoyed that my nipples were still sensitive and relished the explosion of emotions that we felt. It wasn’t how I was dressed, but that I was still Lee as well as Lela.

I dressed once again as Lela to visit my mom’s doctor. Dr. Heather Moor in visiting with me said, “I believe you when you see yourself as both Lee and Lela. What is important is that if you ever want to see yourself mainly as a transgendered woman, do not be surprised or feel that you need to suppress such thoughts and feelings. Seemingly, Lela is here to stay and we want you to be the healthiest person you can be…

“If you ever want to go back on hormone therapy; I encourage you to come to see me and do it properly. And your mother asked me to give you this.” It was an envelope the size of a gift card, and I was encouraged to open it then. It was a gift card to V. Secrets for fifty dollars...

>The End at least for now…

My mom and I talked later about the gift card. Mom said, “The gift card is given not as an indication of what I hope or expect, but as support of you having permission to make a good decision.” I was moved and hugged my mother, ‘Thank you.’

The summer began uncomfortably as I backed off all medication twice and then once a week after July 4th. My changes were slow, and small things like my nipples itching bothered me. I was dressing more and more often as Lee. I was more comfortable with myself. But by July twentieth I got tired of not going to the ocean for summer vacation. Four of us were set on taking advantage of a warm but cloudy day.

It was to be heavily overcast all day with a chance of a shower. I showered and dressed as Lela even wearing a girl’s bathing suit. My nipples were too pronounced for me as Lee. We got to the beach by ten o’clock and were soon swimming. It was 1:00 p.m. when Jane asked, “What did you use as a sunblock?”

I pulled out the tube of lotion I used and Jane clasped her hands against her hips. “No wonder; it’s rated at 15 at best and your tube expired last year.” She asked, "Did you reapply it after being in the water?” Unfortunately, that is not my habit; I’m usually comfortable getting a little tan. I wasn’t thinking like I should with the swimsuit I was wearing.

Our friends Marcy, as well as Chase, were with us; Chase said, “It looks like it will be me and three girls the rest of the day.”

Marcy said, “He could be Lee tonight on the boardwalk. A good tee shirt will cover him properly. If we find a dance it can be him and Jane, Chase and me.”

Chase laughed, “I wouldn’t mind going to a dance with the three of you girls.”

I felt sorry for myself as I now had both a girl’s tan as well as puffy breasts to live with for a week or more. I was so despondent that we left the beach and went home shortly after the boardwalk lit up.

Sunday morning, my mom woke Greg and me up to go to church; she woke me up a half hour earlier. “Decide whether you’re going as Lee or Lela and get ready for church.”

I complained that I wasn’t comfortable with either going to our church. Mom said, “That’s why we’re going to our other church. They will likely be understanding and comfortable seeing you as Lee as well as Lela.”

‘Hmm, going to church as Lee even though my girly side might show?’ The idea struck me. While LGBT attendees make up 10-25% of the worshipers on a given Sunday; I would be accepted. I haven’t attended there as Lee yet, but it was about time and I wasn’t arguing.

I wore a tube top under my shirt which covered most of the tan that showed strap areas. Greg protested that he didn’t want to be with me if I was identified as Lela. Mom said, “Greg get over it; you need to become at peace with Lee’s dual identity.”

We went to the more contemporary of the two worship services and Greg liked that. Being the younger brother, he enjoyed it when Debbie and a few other girls came over to visit after the church service.

Two younger girls made their presence known to Greg, which gave me a chance to visit away from him. Debbie took the opportunity to ask if my breasts had returned to normal. When I hesitated in answering; she said, “You need not lie, close observation says, you’re still wearing a tube top or wrapping to hide the fact you’re not quite there yet.” She did say, “You know, if you could maintain where you are, it would be ideal for both personifications. I would like to get to know you better as Lee, as Lela’s the one I already identify with.

We talked about a dance the coming Saturday but made no decisions. I’m torn between my relationships with Jane and Debbie.

Once we were home I seek to visit alone with my Mom. Greg is comfortable as he’s soon going over to a guy’s house for them to do some gaming.

“Mom, I’m confused and need to talk to you. I enjoy more my time visiting with Debbie or Jane, but especially with Lela, it is hard for me to change from one to the other. It is like Deb and Jane expect me to talk and converse more as a regular girl who is used to talking and carrying on more than one conversation at a time.”

Mom spoke up, “It’s not so confusing to me. Jane knows you as Lee better and knows your quiet side more. When they see you as Lela, they’re expecting you to be conversing more as most girls do. Even a shier girl often talks more than a normal boy.”

“But Mom, Jane, and Deb both compliment me as a better listener than most of the guys.”

Mom has a light smile, “That’s half of the relationship as a girl. They’re interested in what you’re thinking and have to say. It’s kind of a compliment that they expect or want you to talk more as one of the friends.” Mom encourages me to sit as we visit, which means a longer conversation; where I was wanting a quick and short reply.

“Lee, you have a good mind, all you need to do is to think through things more, maybe read and pay attention to styles, fashion, friends, and those popular in the news and be willing to talk about them. Have you read more romance novels? You’re better acquainted with fashion, and hair, and more observant than you used to be. Verbalizing that and getting comfortable conversing with people more should be exciting. Don’t be so self-conscious, or afraid to give your opinion.”

“But what if what I say is wrong,” I asked.

Mom messes my hair, “Opinions, are what you think; they’re neither right nor wrong. That’s one of the things Jane has liked that you’re comfortable being yourself. It is now you who has noticed that you were quieter than the others.”

I said, “Not quite true, both Jane and Debbie are trying to pull me more into the conversations. I like being a girl, but I’m not into talking as much as they do yet.”

Mom said, “There you put your finger on part of your answer. You’re not there ‘yet’. It took you time getting used to wearing girl clothing; give yourself time to grow as a girl in socializing as Lela.” She paused, “It is something you are interested in doing, aren’t you?”

“Mom, Debbie commented that where I am physically, still having breasts might be a good place to maintain my look. What do you think?”

Mom said, “It is not an easy answer, but it is something to pursue with your counselor Brian Riggs, and Dr. Heather Moore. Who do you have appointments coming up with?”

I said, “But school starts in just over a month from now. Can’t I just wait until then?”

Mom asks, “If you want to maintain where you’re at, waiting would be to decide by not making a decision. Is that what you want to do?”

“No, it’s not Mom, I think you’re guessing that. I want to remain, Lee, as you wish, but I want somehow to remain as Lela as well. I just think I should err on the side of not disappointing you and Dad.”

Mom says, “We know this is a crucial time for you, but it’s not about you disappointing us or you being who we expect. It is about you emerging as the best possible you.”

Mom’s posture and demeanor relaxed, “Do you realize, I didn’t quite observe the moment of the change? But you are dressed as Lee, but as we’ve been talking your voice and mannerisms have changed to that of Lela. Is that something, you intentionally did?”

I must have looked as shocked as she was, “Honey,” she said, “That is alright, I think subconsciously this is part of your speaking with me.”

I leaned forward to my mother and she hugged me; I was drained physically and emotionally. “Maybe you need to just lay down and relax. Put your head on a couch pillow and I’ll drape a blanket over you and you rest.”

I guess it was merely a minute or two and I was asleep.

Soon I was at school and it was the second week of school, Adam and Pete were with me and Jane. I was on the girls’ soccer team. I was in better shape as an athlete, and I could feel that my hips were different. Adam talked to Jane about going to the next dance. I was jealous, but I knew Jane was more interested in helping me to be a girl than she was personally interested in me as a girl.

I was upset and must have moved. I fell off the couch I had been asleep on and realized it was just a dream.

I soon called Jane and asked if we knew Pete and Adam.

She said, “They’re friends on the boys’ soccer team. Adam has asked if you’d be interested in being on the girls’ soccer team. Why are you interested? Would you be interested in going to the dance with Pete Santos?”

As I am talking I get a message that a P. Santos is calling.

Pete moved here when he was ten, and is a superb soccer player. His father is a businessman and his mother is a linguist specializing in Portuguese and Spanish into English or the other way.

I asked, “Are you a close friend of Adam?”

I could tell she caught her breath before answering. “I can’t lie to you; he’s given me more attention since you’ve been Lela. But his interest in you and soccer has been since he’s seen you running and getting into shape.” I wasn’t supposed to have heard it, but she said ‘Damn!’

I giggled and asked, “Are you still beating yourself up for taking me to Victoria's Secret?

She laughed back, “I still have you as my best friend, but Lucas was exclusively my boyfriend.” Jane was even less surprised than I was that I liked being Lela. “Plus now I am getting a call from Pete. Do I have you to thank for that?”

She asks, “Does that mean you might enjoy going with him to the dance?

I’m not answering that.” I said “I need to talk to you about the coming school year; trying to be both Lela and Lee is wearing on me and I was thinking… Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, but I was hoping we could meet up.”

Jane said, “You can do whatever you choose and have my support, but I think it would be better to be one or the other when you’re at school. Everyone already knows Lucas so that wouldn’t be a change there.”

I said, “But I’d like everyone to know me as Lela.”

Jane asked, “Does that mean you’re leaning to be Lela, or you’ve decided to be Lela, or that you’re still back at no decision?”

I said, “I want you to decide?”

Jane said, “I told you one or the other would be my choice, but the final decision is yours.” I sulked like a spoiled child, but I still couldn’t get her to suggest more.

I asked, “Will you mind having Lela as your best friend most of the time? Deb and Maria say if I make the girls’ team, I would probably be practicing against them on the practice squad. That would allow me time to finish getting in shape and acclimated to soccer at the high school level.”

Jane jokes, “I could get more interested in soccer if you’re running around in tight shorts with a sports bra under your top.”

I joke back, “You and Pete could become good friends as you watch us play.”

She retorts, “It is likely we will spend time watching Adam and Pete play.”

It was three weeks before school started when Mom. Dad and I met with Dr. Moore and Dr. Brokaw. It was more embarrassing to visit with Dr. Brokaw present about being Lela; he assured me that he experienced these things before. He was appreciative that I and my parents agreed.

It was decided they would put me on a testosterone blocker and Dr. Moore would prescribe a daily pill for me to take. It was approved that I would return to school as a transgender girl. “It is good that you know you need to get physically in shape and learn to play soccer as a girl. That will ease the strain on others coming to accept you.”

I didn’t realize we were driving home to drop off my father and that Jane would be going with Mom and me to start purchasing more clothes.

My mother insisted that I begin wearing my gaff; “You are going to wear your gaff shopping today and then more often and for longer times until you are used to it.” I didn’t know that Jane was already there and heard about what I’d be wearing. I guess it was better she heard it than have me stew over telling her. Her smile indicated she agreed with my mother.

She said, “I was wondering how I would handle that today with you shopping and changing into different clothes. It is more like you’re my best friend.

I said, “But we always have been.”

“But that was with Lee, yes I knew you liked dressing as a girl. I enjoyed Lee doing that, but being Lela is different. Sleepovers will now include you, face masks, hairstyles, painting nails, and even talking about boyfriends. Yes, I am interested in dating you or Lee, but I’m guessing it will be the exception and not the rule.”

Continued…