The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 01 The Gift

It was quite a Christmas. I got a football, a new bike, some books, a Lego dump truck, walkie-talkies, a robot, and a nerf gun. Between putting in pieces of the jigsaw puzzle the family was working on, I looked at my pile of gifts. I didn’t like any of them. I smiled and thanked the appropriate person for each gift, but the joy wasn’t there. I remember being little and being so excited at every Christmas gift, whether I liked it or not. Just the fact that I got a gift was fun. I always hoped the next one would be the perfect gift. You know, the one I had asked Santa for but knew I would never get. At twelve, I didn’t believe in Christmas magic anymore. Year after year, I never got what I asked Santa for. Year after year, a small piece of me died away.

When the puzzle was done and the last of the pie was eaten, all the guests started to leave. I gave my hugs and said my goodbyes. Grandma and Grandpa Morris were the last ones.

Grandma came up to me for a hug, “I see you got a lot of great gifts for a twelve-year-old boy.”

“Yeah, Grandma, any twelve-year-old boy would be thrilled with what I got this Christmas.”

Grandma leaned in and quietly said just to me, “Then why are you not happy?”

“I am Grandma. I am.”

Still hugging tight, “You may be able to fool your parents and cousins, but I know you. You are not happy, and I’m sorry. Don’t say anything, but I got you one more Christmas gift. It is on your bed. I think you will like this one.”

Then Grandma stopped hugging me and said goodbye to everyone as she walked out the door to her car. Grandpa was right behind her. My little sister and I stood with Mom and Dad on the porch as they drove off.

“Okay, you two,” Mom said once they were out of sight. “Time to get ready for bed. You can play with your toys for a little bit once you are in your PJs and teeth are brushed.”

I followed Jilly into the house and down the hall to our rooms. I smiled at her pigtails bouncing as she pranced down the hall. Her hair ties had little bells on them, so she jingled as she moved. She had on this red velvet dress with white fur at the end of the sleeves and bottom of the dress. Her white tights went down to the pink unicorn slippers that she got for Christmas. She turned into her room and shut the door. I went down to the next door and turned into my room.

After shutting the door, I put my back on it and stared at the gift on my bed. It was wrapped in red paper with a gold ribbon and bow. An extra present was strange, but it didn’t matter. I never got anything I wanted for Christmas. This gift will be no different. So, why do I want to open it? Why am I afraid to open it? Grandma said I would like this one.

I approached the gift. Slowly unwrapping it, I found a flat, white, rectangular box. Opening the box, I just looked at the contents. This can’t be right. Did Grandma put Jill’s gift on my bed? I took the dress out of the box and held it up to me. Not a dress for Jilly. It would be way too big for her.

Grandma got me a dress?

I dropped the dress back in the box and backed away from the bed. I looked around the room and then back at the box.

A Dress?

A smile spread across my face as I turned and locked the door.

It didn’t take long to get the dress on. Looking at the box, I discovered it held more than the dress. There were some black Mary Jane shoes, a package with three panties, a package of girl no-show socks, and a pair of white tights. Choosing the tights instead of socks, I changed the rest of my outfit. It all fit. I walked over to my closet door and opened it. Looking in the mirror on the back of the door, I couldn’t stop smiling. I turned side to side. Spinning in a circle, I watched the dress flair out as I spun.

Okay, Grandma was right. This is a Christmas gift I like, but how did she know?

I twirled around, dancing and prancing around my room. I had my very own dress!

“Come on Lewis,” Jill screamed down the hall. “I am going to cream you on Polly Pop Race.”

I sat down on my bed, looking at the outfit I had on, and then up at my bedroom door. Jill, Mom, and Dad were on the other side of that door. I couldn’t go out there. Could I? No. Since I was a little kid, Mom had made it very clear that I was a boy and boys do not wear girl clothes, do not pretend to be girls, and are not girls. There is no way I could go outside that door in these clothes.

I got undressed and put on my dinosaur pajamas. I put the dress and other girl clothing carefully back into the box. Where can I hide it? Under the bed? No, Mom looks under there occasionally. I looked in the closet, but there was no good spot there. Where could I hide my dress? I sat down on my window seat and looked around the room. There was no place in the room that Mom doesn’t get into occasionally. I looked out the window and thought of locations outside the room, but I still couldn’t figure out a place to hide my dress. I was sunk. I finally got a Christmas present I love, but Mom will take it away forever if I can’t hide it.

“Lewis,” Jill screamed.

“I’m coming,” I hollered back.

For tonight, under the bed should do. Tomorrow, I will have to figure out a better spot. Getting up off the window seat, I put the box under the bed. Looking around to make sure everything was out of sight, I left to play with Jill.

“What took you, slowpoke,” Jill asked? “I already played one race. I’m playing Polly. Here, you pick your character. There are a few boy characters for you to pick from.”

Handing me a controller, Jilly smiled at me. Taking it, I started looking through the character choices in the game. I wanted to pick the Sally character, a girl with pigtails wearing a pink and purple outfit. Like a good proper boy, I chose a boy character named Joey. I raced Jill for about an hour before Mom sent us off to bed.

I was sitting in bed reading one of my new books when Dad came in, “So Lewis, you got some pretty good Christmas gifts this year. Santa even got you a 10-speed bike.”

“Dad,” I rolled my eyes. “You got me the bike. There is no Santa Clause.”

Dad held his finger up to his lips, “Shhhhhhhhh, Jilly still believes, and we are not going to take away her Christmas magic.”

“Sure, Dad,” I smiled. “She will not hear it from me.”

“As long as it doesn’t snow tomorrow, want to go try out that new football of yours at the park?”

No, I really did not want to. Anything other than that. Football was so barbaric. Boys tackling boys just over a silly ball. “Sure, Dad. We can go throw the ball around.”

Dad ruffled my hair, “It will be fun, you’ll see. That was nice of you to play Polly Pop Race with your little sister instead of playing with your toys. You are such a nice big brother.

“Thanks, Dad,” I said as I wondered about the term ‘big brother.’

“You can read until 9 o’clock and then lights out.”

“Okay, Dad,” I smiled.

Once Dad left, I looked up and quietly voiced, “Please, oh please, let it snow.”

Picking up the book I was reading, I looked at it, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. There was a picture of a weird submarine and a giant squid. My Aunt and Uncle gave it to me for Christmas. Uncle Mike said it was his favorite when he was my age, and he felt every boy should read it. I had already finished the first chapter, and I had no interest in reading the rest.

The books that Jilly got for Christmas looked way more interesting. One good thing about her finally being in Third Grade is that she got some chapter books. I’ll have to wait until she reads them first, though, before I can sneak them into my room to read. Unless . . . sometimes, Jilly still lets me read her a bedtime story. Maybe I could convince her to let me do that with her new books. I’ll have to try that tomorrow night. Jilly got the American Girl Molly book, A Winning Spirit. I have always wanted to read the American Girl books.

When I woke up in the morning, I wondered if the dress was real or just a dream. With hesitation, I peeked under the bed. The box was there, calling me. I wanted to open it and get dressed. I could just walk to the kitchen for breakfast like any other morning. I looked out the window, and there was no snow. That meant football in the park. Would Dad still force me to play if I wore my new dress?

I didn’t want to get dressed in boy clothes when I had a dress to wear, so I left my room still in my pajamas. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. Jill was playing with some My Little Ponies she got for Christmas. I wanted to get down on the floor and play with her, but I’m a boy. I’m not supposed to do stuff like that.

“Oh good, Lewis, you’re up. Breakfast is ready,” Mom said, coming into the room.

“Pancakes?” Jill asked.

“Just like you asked for my little princess.”

“Come on, Lewis,” Jill said, jumping up. “It’s pancakes.”

As I got up, I wondered if Mom would call me her little princess if I wore my dress, or would I be a freak? I followed Jill and Mom into the kitchen.

Halfway through my second pancake, Dad sat down to eat, “Lewis, there’s no snow yet, so let’s go toss the football around after breakfast.”

“Sure, Dad,” I briefly smiled at him before staring at my plate. “Sounds like fun.”

I would prefer cleaning the toilets over playing football, but maybe if I went and did it today, Dad would stop bugging me to play with him.

After breakfast, I looked around the living room at Jill’s gifts. I turned to Jill with a smile, “Do you want to play your new Sorry game?”

“Will you, Lewis?” Jill came up and hugged me. “Daddy and Uncle Mike wouldn’t play it with me yesterday. When they turned me down, I figured Cousin Mary would play with me, but she was too busy with her Christmas presents to play.”

“It’s a fun game, Jill. Go get it, and we can play it on the coffee table.”

We had only gotten a little into the game when Dad came into the living room, “Lewis, go get changed so we can play some football.”

“But Dad, I’m playing Sorry with Jill. It’s one of her Christmas presents, and she’s never played it before.”

“Lewis,” Dad started but stopped after looking at Jill’s angelic smiling face. “Okay, but once the game is over, get dressed, and we will go out and throw that new football around.”

“Okay, Dad.”

Jill looked at me once Dad left the room, “You don’t want to play football, do you?”

“Not in a million years. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just play Sorry.”

Jill won the first game, and we immediately started a second. Halfway through the second game, Dad came in voicing surprise over the fact that we were still playing. He thought we were still on our first game and complained about how long it takes to play a game of Sorry. He left us alone to finish the game. Unfortunately, when Jill won the second time, she shouted with glee that she had won again. Mom was immediately in the room telling the two of us to get dressed for the day.

“Sorry, Lewis,” Jill said as we walked down the hall to our rooms.

“It’s okay, Jilly. You were just excited. I couldn’t postpone this forever. I guess I’m off to play some football.”

“Maybe it will be fun, like kickball during Gym Class at school.”

“Maybe, but I would rather be having a tea party with you and your new princess dolls.”

“Ohhhhhh, Tea Party! Good idea Lewis. Thanks,” Jill pranced off into her room with a new vigor.

I slowly entered my room and closed the door. I took a deep breath as I looked at my bed and considered the box under it. There was only one sure way to avoid a trip to the park. All I would have to do is put on that dress and walk out of this room. I locked the door and got out the box. Looking at the contents, I almost did it. Instead, I put the box back under my bed and got on some jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt.

“About time,” Dad said as I walked back into the living room. “Grab that new football of yours, and let’s go.”

We spent two hours at the park. I hated every minute of it. Dad was shocked I didn’t know how to throw a football and even more appalled that I couldn’t get it to go where he wanted me to throw it. After two hours, he gave up trying. He thought I was trying hard to get it right, and the negative attitude I had was because the ball wouldn’t go in the right direction. I never corrected his misconceptions. He promised to practice with me again before Christmas break was over.

When we walked into the house, Dad examined the set-up in the living room, “Well, well, well. Jill would have forced you to be part of the tea party if we had stayed here. Aren’t we lucky that we missed it?”

“Yeah, Dad,” I said, looking at the princess, dollies, and stuffed animals with cups next to them all over the living room. The little plastic tea set she got as a preschooler was sitting on the coffee table with her favorite dolly. “You saved me from what would have been a miserable morning. Thanks.”

I got my coat off and went back to my bedroom. I sat down in my window seat and stared blankly out the window. I may be too old for tea parties, but it would have been a lot more fun than throwing a football around with Dad. Doing anything with Jill would have been more fun. I wish I had the guts to tell Mom and Dad that. I picked up my stuffed teddy bear and hugged her. I have had her since I was a baby. Dad keeps trying to convince me that I am too old for the bear and she should go in the donation bin. Thankfully, Mom doesn’t think I am too old for a stuffed animal. I do worry, however, that she will change her mind when I turn thirteen in just over six months.

Jill and I spent the afternoon exploring everything we got for Christmas. My walkie-talkies were kind of fun. Jill and I could talk to each other no matter where we were in the house. I even found a good use for that crummy football. It made a great back to help Jill’s new doll sit up. Jill put together her Lego Friends model while I assembled the Lego dump truck. I had no interest in the nerf gun, but Jill came up with a good use for it. She jokingly suggested that she could use it to shoot all the yucky toys for boys in the house. It seemed like a great idea, so that is what the two of us did. We went around the house, shooting all the yucky boy toys.

It still hadn’t started snowing, so I got out on my bike. I just wish it had been pink or purple. Jill came out with me and played on her new Princess Scooter. Jill stayed in the driveway, and I went up and down the street a few times. It was strange to have a bike with gears. Dad said the gears would make going up hills easier, but we didn’t have any hills around the house for me to try them on.

We didn’t just play with my toys. We also played with Jill’s new toys. Together we played with her dolls, unicorns, ponies, and princesses. We played her two video games Polly Pop Race and Unicorn Surprise. We played another game of Sorry and this other board game she got called The Happy Little Unicorn Game. She likes anything with unicorns and was excited to have a unicorn board game and a unicorn video game.

Jill put on a fashion show of the clothes she got. She had several dresses, some leggings with unicorns, and her unicorn slippers. I wanted to do the same with my new dress, but instead just watched Jilly in her new outfits. She was so excited and happy to point out all the unique features of her outfits that made them extra special. This only made me want to get my dress even more. My emotions were all over the place. I loved Jill’s outfits, but I was upset that I couldn’t wear my new outfit.

After the fashion show, we had dinner, and then Jill and I played with my new robot. You could program it to go about the room, so we used it to transport a princess doll. It worked great, as long as the robot didn’t bump into anything. If it did, the princess would fall off.

At bedtime, I talked Jill into letting me read to her. I got through the first two chapters of an American Girl Molly book, A Winning Spirit, before Jill’s eyes fluttered. That meant storytime was over. I wanted to take the book to my room and finish the story, but I didn’t. It is more fun to discover the story at the same time as Jill. I was stuck going to my room and reading more of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

I couldn’t focus on the book. Eventually, I just put it down. Laying there in bed, I couldn’t get my mind off the fact that I had a dress, but I couldn’t wear it. If I put it on, I would have to take it off in minutes or be discovered. I couldn’t even figure out where to hide it. I wanted to get out of bed and put the dress on, but I couldn’t. Mom or Dad would be in soon to say goodnight.

The only chance I could figure out for wearing the dress was during the two hours after school before Mom got home from work. I might be able to wear it then, but Jill would find out. I have to babysit Jill during that time, and she always wants me to play with her. Could I let Jill find out? Would she understand?

I woke up the next day to a layer of snow on the ground. Sitting on my window seat, I couldn’t get my mind off the dress. One truth was very prominent in my thoughts, ‘I can’t keep it if I don’t find a place to hide it.’ What am I going to do? Grandma got it for me. She wouldn’t want Mom and Dad to take it away. What can I do?

“Dad,” I hollered out, getting up from the window seat. “Can I call Grandma? I want to thank her for the gift she got me.”

Dad was impressed that I would want to thank her for the book she got me for Christmas. He called me very mature for thinking of that. He dialed the number and handed the phone to me.

“Hi Grandpa, it’s Lewis. Can I talk to Grandma, please?”

“Why didn’t you just thank Grandpa,” Dad questioned? “The book was from both of them.”

“Grandma, oh, I wanted to thank you for your gift. I love it,” I looked over at Dad standing next to me. “Can I come over to your house one day this break? I’m not doing anything, and I would love to spend time with my favorite Grandma.”

“Smooth, Lewis, very smooth,” Dad said, raising his eyebrows.

“I gather by what you’re not saying,” Grandma commented. “That you haven’t told your parents about the extra gift.”

“They won’t approve,” I responded while looking at Dad.

“I don’t have a problem with you going to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a day,” Dad added after hearing only my side of the conversation.

“So, you want to come over here so you can wear the dress? You know you will have to tell them eventually. You can do it with me there, but at some point, you are going to have to tell them.”

“Please, Grandma, can I come to visit you tomorrow?”

“Okay, honey,” Grandma replied. “Put Mom or Dad on the phone.”

“Here’s Dad,” I handed the phone over.

“Hi, Mom,” Dad said. “Lewis asked to call you so he could thank you for his Christmas gift. I’m sorry, I didn’t know he would ask for a visit.”

I stared at Dad as he talked with Grandma.

When he got off the phone, he looked down at me, “Okay, Lewis, Grandma agreed to come over tomorrow and pick you and Jill up for a day at their house. They will be here at 9 am. Next time you want to go visit them, just ask.”

“Sorry, Dad.”

Dad ruffled my hair, “Mom and I are not that mean. We would have let you go visit Grandma if you wanted to.”

I smiled at Dad and headed down the hall. Instead of passing Jill’s room, I turned into it, shutting the door behind me.

“Jilly,” I interrupted her, coloring. “I just got off the phone with Grandma Morris. We are going over there tomorrow.”

“Really,” Jill said, looking up from her spot on the floor. “Maybe we can make Christmas cookies. Think Grandma will make Christmas cookies with us?”

“If you ask her nicely, I am sure she would be happy to make cookies with us.”

Jill went back to her coloring.

“Jilly,” I hesitantly added.

“Yeah,” Jill said without looking up.

“Grandma got me an extra gift that wasn’t under the tree. I opened it after they left.”

“Was it anything good?”

“It was . . . It was a dress.”

Jill looked up, “Grandma gave you a dress to give me?”

“No, Jilly, she gave me a dress for me.”

“Now you’re just being silly, Lewis. Boys don’t wear dresses. That would be super, duper, silly.”

“What if I am not really a boy?”

“Of course you’re a boy Lewis. You’re my brother, and brothers are boys.”

“Maybe on the inside, I am a girl and only a boy on the outside.”

Jill looked up at Lewis and thought for a bit, “That makes sense. You do like playing with my toys just as much as I do, and you don’t seem to like your boy toys.”

I laughed. One of the things I really liked about Jill was that she had such a simple way of looking at things.

“Is it a pretty dress?”

I smiled and nodded my head.

“You should wear it tomorrow when we go to Grandma’s house.”

“Mom and Dad don’t know about the dress. So . . .”

“I’ll tell them,” Jill got up off the floor.

“No, Jilly. We need to keep it a secret.”

“Why?”

“Mommy and Daddy always complain when I spend too much time playing with your toys or when I play dress-up with you. When you were little, I used to dress up in your princess dress-up clothes with you, but Dad stopped that. He said boys don’t wear dresses or princess clothes. He would not approve of me wearing a dress.”

I sat down on Jill’s bed.

“Mommy always says I look like a princess when wearing a pretty dress. She will say the same thing to you. You’ll see.”

Oh, how I wished that would be true, “Tomorrow at Grandma’s, I will be wearing my new dress. Are you okay with that?”

“Sure, I’ve always wanted a sister. Now I get one. What do I call you, though? I can’t call you Lewis. What were Mommy and Daddy going to call you if you were born a girl?”

“Jill.”

“What?”

“No, Jill. That is what they were going to call me. My boy name was Lewis, and my girl name was Jill.”

“Oh, I can’t call you Jill. That’s my name. That wasn’t very nice of them to recycle the name, Jill. Oh well, we need a girl name for you.”

“Yeah, I guess we do.”

“I know. I know. I know,” Jill said, bouncing up and down. “Suzy.”

“Susan. Hmm. Yeah, that would do.”

“No, not Susan. I said, Suzy.”

I chuckled, “Suzy is short for another name, just like Jilly is short for Jillian.”

“Oh! Okay. Susan Morris, my big sis. Cool.”

I smiled, “Okay, Jilly, Suzy it is. We will be Jilly and Suzy, sisters, forever.”

Jill gave me a big hug.

“Jilly. Lewis. Time for lunch,” Mom called out.

“Come on, Suzy,” Jill said, heading for the door.

“Jilly,” I quickly replied. “You can’t call me that unless I am dressed up as a girl. No one can ever hear you call me Suzy, especially Mom and Dad.”

“Okay, but if you are a girl on the inside, I don’t see why I can’t call you that all the time.”

“Just don’t. Please, Jilly, don’t. Pinky swear Jilly, please.”

“Sure,” Jill said, coming back to her bed and putting her pinky around my pinky. “I pinky swear never to call you Suzy unless you are wearing girl clothes.”

“Thanks, Jilly,” I said, giving her a big hug as a tear came down my face.

“Lunch,” Jilly exclaimed as she headed for the door to her bedroom.

After lunch, I helped Jill with her bracelet-making kit. By the time we were done, she had one saying Jilly, and I had one saying, Suzy. When Dad asked who the second bracelet was for, I told him it was for a girl named Suzy that Jilly really liked. I sort of told Dad the truth.

As soon as Dad left the room, Jill looked right at me, “You should have told him.”

“I . . . I can’t. He will not understand.”

“Daddy is really nice. He loves having a little girl,” Jill smiled at her happy memories with Dad. “He will love having two girls.”

I knew Jill was wrong, but there was no way I would convince her of that. Dad wants a boy he can do boy things with; Football, Baseball, Boy Scouts, and working on Dad’s car. I hated every one of them. He was always trying to get me to do something boyish with him. The older I got, the more he disliked me playing with Jill’s girl toys. Mom would tell Dad I was just being a good big brother, but Dad always made it clear that boys weren’t supposed to do those things. Dad was always gentle and nice to Jill but rough and abrupt with me. Little eight-year-old Jilly didn’t see it. Living in her carefree world would be nice, though.

Mom passed by Jill’s room and told the two of us to go play outside in the snow. As we got our snow gear on, I kept looking at Jilly’s snow gear. Mine was black and blue, very dull. Jill had a bright pink coat with fluffy stuff around the hood. Her snow pants were a pretty shade of bright purple, and her red snow boots had sparkles on them. Even her mittens were more exciting than my plain blue ones. Hers were red with a big white snowflake sewn into each one.

“Come on, slowpoke,” Jill complained when she was ready to go outside, but I wasn’t.

I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear my thoughts. Then I got to work on getting ready to go outside. Jill and I made a snowman, had a small snowball fight, and made snow angels. Dad was shoveling the walkway and driveway. He called us both goofballs as we lay on the ground giggling after making the snow angels. We got to stay out a little bit longer after Dad finished his work but then were called inside to warm up. Mom had some hot apple cider waiting for us.

Jilly and I played in the house for the rest of the afternoon. Mom and Dad would peek their heads into whatever room we were in and check on us. Occasionally, one of them would praise us for getting along so well. We were on our third run of Polly Pop Race when Mom stopped in the living room and sat down on the couch. She just sat and watched us race each other.

After the race, Mom got up and headed for the kitchen. Stopping in the doorway, “I just love it when the two of you get along so well. Thank You. Especially you, Lewis, I know how hard it must be doing all these girl things with your little sister. You’re such a good big brother.”

“She sure is,” Jill said before pressing the controller to start another race.

I instantly looked at Jill and then at Mom. She caught that too. Oh, no! Maybe it was a bad idea to tell little Jilly. I said nothing as I looked at Mom. Looking at me strangely, she said nothing before shaking her head and leaving the room.

“Jilly!” I whispered. “You can’t do that.”

“Do what?” She asked as she raced her car down the track.

“You called me she. Mom heard that.”

Jilly paused the game and looked right at me, “Sorry, but I have been playing with Suzy all afternoon, not some yucky boy.”

I looked at her cute smile and pigtails. I gave her a big hug and kiss, “Thanks, sis, but you really do need to be more careful.”

Jill won the next few races. My mind was starting to realize that I wouldn’t be able to hide this for long. I am not sure I wanted to either. Grandma had expected me to tell Mom and Dad about the dress. Could I do that? Tomorrow I could wear the dress at Grandma’s house, but . . . would I be able to take it off to go home? If Mom and Dad kicked me out, maybe I could go live with Grandma and Grandpa? Looking over at Jilly, I didn’t like the idea of living in a different house from her. Maybe I just need to give Grandma back the dress and never talk about it again. For Jilly, I could do that. I think.

The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 2 Shopping

After breakfast, Jill and I were told to get dressed in something nice for our visit with Grandma and Grandpa. With her favorite stuffed Koala Bear, Rosie, in hand, Jilly went running off to her room. I followed behind at a much slower pace, but I certainly was excited. Entering my room, I shut the door and locked it.

I got out my school backpack and the box with the dress. I started putting everything from the box into my backpack.

Looking at my teddy bear on the bed, “Just one day with the dress, then I will never wear it again.”

I went over to my teddy bear and turned her upside down on my pillow, “Don’t give me that look. I can to do it. I have to give up the dress so I can stay with Jilly. Otherwise, Mom and Dad will kick me out of the house.”

I had my pajamas off and was halfway done getting dressed when I heard the doorbell ring. Looking over at the backpack and then at my teddy bear, I took a deep breath.

“Jilly, Lewis,” Mom yelled out. “Grandma and Grandpa are here.”

“Lewis,” I heard about five minutes later. “Grandma and Grandpa are waiting for you.”

Coming out into the living room, I instantly heard Jill scream, “Suzy!” As she ran up and hugged me.

“Suzy is it,” Grandma questioned? “My, don’t you look absolutely lovely, Suzy.”

“Lewis Jefferson Morris,” Dad said in his dad voice. “What are you doing in one of Jilly’s dresses. Go get that thing off this instant.”

“That’s not one of Jill’s dresses,” Mom observed.

“No!” Jill said with glee. “It is the dress she got for Christmas. Doesn’t she look so pretty in it? Just like a real princess.”

“Dress he got for Christmas,” Dad questioned? “Lewis didn’t get a dress for Christmas. Lewis, I told you to get that dress off this instant. Get moving or get a whipping.”

“Benjamin Franklin Morris,” Grandma stated loud enough that everyone looked at her. “Your DAUGHTER finally got up enough courage to show you who she really is, and you threaten to give her a whipping. Stop acting like an idiot and go give her a hug.”

“Mom,” Dad retorted! “Lewis is wearing a dress. He is not my daughter. He is my son, and boys do not wear dresses.”

Grandma smiled, “Suzy looks very nice in the dress I gave her for Christmas. Doesn’t she?”

The room was silent, with both Mom and Dad looking right at Grandma.

After a minute of no one saying or doing anything, Grandma took charge, “Suzy and Jilly, go with Grandpa and get in the car. I have some things I want to say to your Daddy.”

As soon as we were out the front door of the house, “Ben, I don’t know how you couldn’t see it, but it was clear as day that Lewis wasn’t a boy. I questioned it before Jilly was born, but there was no question in my mind once she came along. I have given you enough time to figure this out on your own. I have dropped hints for years in hopes that you would see it on your own. Apparently, you are too much of a dunce to get it without someone saying it straight to your face. You have two daughters. I don’t know who named her, but Suzy is a lovely young lady who deserves your love and respect.”

“I named her,” Jilly proudly said to Grandpa as we were ushered into the car.

“I am taking the girls now for a day out shopping and playing. I will bring them back after dinner. When you see Suzy again, I expect you to be the loving, respectful parent that I raised you to be. . .” I was unable to hear the rest of Grandma’s comments because Grandpa shut my car door.

“Grandma was mad,” Jilly said as she buckled herself into her booster seat.

“She sure was,” I replied as I looked at Grandpa get into the driver’s seat and strap himself in. “I’ve never heard Grandma yell at Dad like that.”

“Oh,” Grandpa said with a smile. “If you ever do anything wrong, she will let you know it. Your Dad did something wrong, and she was letting him know it.”

“Suzy,” Jilly said. “That is a really pretty dress.”

“Thanks,” I said, blushing and looking down at the dress.

“She is right,” Grandpa said, turning around and looking at the two of us. “You look very beautiful in that dress. You both are gorgeous girls.”

When Grandma entered the car, she turned to us girls, “Okay, that is taken care of. Now, let’s have some fun. Suzy, nice to finally meet you.”

“Hi, Grandma,” I smiled at her.

“That was very brave of you to come out of your room wearing your dress. I am very proud of you.”

“I named her Grandma,” Jill stated. “Susan Morris, Suzy for those that know her.”

Jill reached over and squeezed my hand.

“It is a very nice name Jilly,” Grandma praised. “Does Suzy have a middle name?”

Both Jill and I shook our heads.

“Good,” Grandma responded. “Jilly gave you your first name, your Dad gave you your last, so I think your Mom should give you your middle name. That is for later, though. Today, we get a girls' day out, with Grandpa along as our chauffeur.”

“At your service, ladies,” Grandpa said, bowing his head.

Everyone but Grandpa giggled.

“Where to first,” Grandpa inquired?

“Hmmm,” Grandma pondered. “You remember that little shop in Salmon Creek?”

“That one that you used to take Jessica to when she was little?”

“Yup, that’s the one. I think these two girls definitely need something from that shop.”

I could see Grandpa in the rearview mirror get a big smile on his face as he started the car.

“Where are we going? Where are we going? Where are we going,” Jilly asked, practically bouncing in her seat?

“Now that is a surprise,” Grandma said as she turned to face forward.

It was a bit of a drive, but finally we found ourselves in front of a doll shop.

“You used to take Aunt Jessica here when she was our age,” Jill asked as we headed for the front door?

“Yup,” Grandma smiled down at the little one holding her hand as they walked. “She loved this place. I think you two will too. You can each get one doll and one outfit.”

“Each of us,” I inquired?

“Why certainly,” Grandma replied. “Every girl needs at least one special dolly. Even big twelve-year-old girls.”

I blushed with a growing smile on my face.

When we got in the store, Jill went running off exploring everything. Grandma turned to Grandpa, “Why don’t you go stay with that one. I will stay with this one.”

“Okay, but I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“She’s only eight. You’ll survive.”

“Maybe,” Grandpa said as he went off after Jilly.

I slowly walked through the store, looking at things, but not touching anything. I had learned a long time ago that boys were not supposed to show any interest in such things: no touching, no expressions of emotions, no looking at something too long. Pretend I didn’t like anything. That is what I had to do in stores like this.

Grandma leaned in next to me and whispered, “It is tough letting Suzy out after all these years. No one in here sees a boy. They just see a cute young girl out with their grandma. Now, let that cute girl find a doll she really likes.”

I snuggled up next to Grandma as we wandered around the store. As time went on, I slowly started to show more and more interest in the things on the shelves.

We turned one corner, and I stopped, “Oooooo, look at that one, Grandma.”

A smile was growing on Grandma’s face when I looked at her, “Which one, Suzy?”

“The ballerina,” I said as I approached it. Sitting there on the shelf, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. “Princess Odette from the ballet Swan Lake,” Grandma said. “She certainly is a lovely doll.” “Swan Lake?” “It is a very famous ballet. Have you ever been to a ballet performance?”

I shook my head no.

“So,” Grandma said, looking at the doll. “Is that the doll you want?”

I nodded my head up and down, and Grandma took one of the boxes next to the display. Then we kept looking around the store. We went over to where they had various outfits for dolls like mine. I picked a set with more ballerina outfits. “Pretty,” Jill said, coming up to us and looking at my doll and the accessories we found. “She’ll have fun playing with my Barbie Dolls.”

“Remember Jilly,” Grandma said. “This is Suzy’s doll, not yours.”

“I know. I know,” Jill said as she grabbed Grandma’s hand and started dragging her across the store. “I need your help. I can’t decide which doll to get.”

We followed Jill over to a collection of Our Generation Dolls. While Jill explained the problem to Grandma, I looked at the various outfits on the dolls. I tried to imagine myself going off to school in some of the outfits. I knew I would never be able to do that, but it was fun dreaming of such things.

Jill and Grandma finally decided on the cooking doll since Jill always liked to cook cookies with Grandma. During this exchange, Grandma kept looking over at me. She was always smiling at me, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking about. Jill noticed Grandma’s constant glances over at me. She pulled Grandma down to her level and whispered something in her ear.

“Oh, that is very nice of you Jilly, but no, you can get your dolly. I think you’ll like her,” Grandma said, standing back up and looking at me. “I do like your idea though.”

Grandma leaned over and whispered something in Jill’s ear. Jilly responded by jumping up and down and saying yes, several times. I tried to ignore the two and just focused on the dolls in front of me. There was an Our Generation Ballerina Doll that I kept going back to. If I hadn’t already picked a doll, she would probably be the one I would pick. Grandma came up to me. Wrapping her hands around me as she stood behind me, she said, “Jilly thinks it is unfair that Suzy only got one Christmas present.” With my eyes still on the dolls in front of me, I replied, “I got a lot more than one present for Christmas.” “You mean Lewis did,” Grandma corrected.

“Yeah,” I acknowledged. “Lewis got a lot of presents for Christmas.”

“In fact,” Grandma continued. “Suzy got no toys for Christmas.”

“I got this pretty dress, and now I am getting that doll,” I pointed at the doll that Grandpa was now carrying.

“Jilly doesn’t think that is enough. She has offered you her new doll so you can get two dolls instead of one.”

I smiled at my little sister, “She shouldn’t do that. She loves cooking, and she found a doll that loves it too.”

“I agree with you,” Grandma said. “That doll is perfect for her, so she will get it. We both agreed with one thing though. Jill and I agree that you should have more than one doll in your collection.”

“I’m too old for dolls, Grandma.”

“Yeah, right,” Grandma retorted. “I have seen you ever since you walked into this store. You are definitely not too old for dolls. You like that ballerina?”

“Uh-huh.”

“She wasn’t the only doll you were looking at, though. Was she?”

I looked over at the other two dolls that I had been looking at. Well, that one has an outfit I really like, and this one has my hair color and the way I would like my hair to be. But holding that bunny and in her pajamas like that, she looks to be six. The Ballerina and the other one look to be more my age. “So, this is how you want your hair,” Grandma said, going over to the doll holding the bunny. Looking back at me, “Yeah, that would look good on you when you grow out your hair. You still sleep with your teddy bear, so that doesn’t make her a little girl.” I smiled, thinking about Teddy. I had left her upside down on my bed. I would have to apologize to her when we got back. “Having a doll that looks the way you want to look is a special treat, so this is a definite possibility for a second doll.” “No, Grandma,” I objected. “You said Jill and I could get one doll and one accessory. I picked the fancy Ballerina.”

“Okay,” Grandma said, looking over at Grandpa. “I will buy you only one Doll, just like Jilly. I wouldn’t want to go back on my word. But, no one said anything about Grandpa buying his new granddaughter a doll for Christmas.”

“But . . .”

“Do it, Grandpa,” Jill jumped up and down. “Do it.”

Grandpa squeezed his lips together and shook his head back and forth a few times before looking down at Jill, “Okay. How could I say no to such a cute little girl? I will get my new granddaughter a special Christmas present.”

“Jilly,” I huffed. “Mom and Dad always says we are not supposed to take advantage of Grandma and Grandpa. They said one doll each.”

“Did your Daddy say that,” Grandma considered her options? “Then I have a solution. The second doll will be from your Mommy and Daddy for being so mean to you this morning. Yup, that sounds like a great plan. A new dolly is a good apology gift.”

“I’m not going to win this,” I rolled my eyes and faced reality. “Am I?”

“Nope,” Grandpa confirmed. “I learned a long time ago that when Grandma makes up her mind, you will never win.”

Jilly smiled.

Grandma went over to the other doll I had been looking at, “That is a nice outfit she is wearing. Yeah, I could see you wearing something like that.” Looking at the three dolls and then over at me, Grandma smiled. She came back over to me and leaned down to whisper, “Dolls can change clothes.” I jerked my head towards Grandma as a smile grew on my face. “What she say,” Jill asked? “What she say?” I looked at Jill, “Dolls can change clothes.” Jill nodded her head up and down with a massive smile on her face. “Now,” Grandma turned back to the dolls on the shelves. “These dolls all look a lot alike, except for their hair. Which hairstyle do you like best?”

I looked over to the doll holding the bunny. Grandma went over and picked it up off the shelf. Then with the help of Jill and Grandma, I picked an outfit pack that had ten changes of clothes for the doll. Grandma also grabbed a one outfit pack that had a ballerina outfit.

After the doll store, we went over to the mall and visited the Claire’s store. Jill and I each got a necklace, bracelet, and hair accessory. After that store, we went back to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for lunch.

“Now, Jill,” Grandma said halfway through the meal. “Poor Suzy here has a problem.”

I looked at Jill and then Grandma in confusion.

“She is the only girl I know that has only one outfit to wear,” Grandma explained. “Even her dolls have more outfits to wear than she does.”

“Not good, Grandma,” Jill said with food still in her mouth.

“Grandpa,” Grandma asked? “I do not feel comfortable sending my granddaughter home, knowing that she only has one outfit to wear. I think we need to go clothes shopping.”

“Do I need to take a loan out against the house?” Grandpa said with a chuckle.

“It has been a while since I have had to replace a whole wardrobe at once, but I think I remember how to do it without totally clearing out the savings account. Jessica did have a habit of growing like a weed, causing us to replace most of her wardrobe at once. What was the name of that store, Children 2nd Time Around?”

“I think it was just called, 2nd Time Around,” Grandpa said between bites. “Between there, Walmart, Burlington Coat Factory, and hand-me-downs from older cousins, we managed to get through Jessica’s growth spurts.”

“Older cousins,” Grandma smiled. “Mary is just a little bit taller than Suzy.”

“Do we get to go see Cousin Mary,” Jill asked with added enthusiasm?

“No, not today Jilly,” Grandma said. “Mary went to see her other Grandparents, so she is not in town. But, when she comes back, Suzy might be able to get some hand-me-downs from her. You have gotten a few hand-me-downs from her.”

“Yeah,” Jill said with a smile. “My Christmas dress this year used to be hers.”

“It was a beautiful dress,” I acknowledged.

“Jill, I am taking Suzy clothes shopping this afternoon. You can stay here with Grandpa or you could come with us. If you come, just be aware I am buying Suzy new clothes because she doesn’t have any, not you.”

“Shopping! I’m in.”

“She’s a girl,” Grandpa said. “Did you really think it would go any other way?”

Grandma tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders.

“I’ll help you pick out some cool clothes, Suzy,” Jill beamed.

“Ummm, I don’t want unicorns or princesses on my chest. I’m too old for puffy sleeves and frilly dresses. I’m not six.”

“I’m not six either!” Jill objected. “I’m a big girl. I’m eight!”

“You are a very big girl Jill,” Grandma attempted to stop an argument. “Suzy does have a point, though. This is her shopping for clothes, and she gets to decide what fashion she wants. She’s almost a teen, and they want a different look than kids in 3rd grade.”

“Okay,” Jill dropped her shoulders. “I still want to come. It's clothes shopping.”

“Someone wanted to make cookies,” Grandma interjected. “Why don’t we do that before we go out shopping.”

Jilly bounced in her seat, clapping her hands.

By the time we were done shopping, if I include the outfit I got for Christmas, I had five tops, three skirts, three pants, two sweaters, three dresses, pajamas, some socks, panties, and two pairs of shoes. I wanted new winter gear, but we ran out of time. Grandpa promised me that Mom and Dad would buy me new stuff for the snow. I wasn’t sure about that. I wondered if they would let me keep anything we got today. When I expressed this concern just before Grandpa paid for a bunch of those clothes, Grandma assured me that they would. She said they loved me, and it didn’t matter if I was a boy or a girl. I didn’t believe her, but I wanted to.

Since I got all the new clothes, Jill got to pick where we went for dinner. She wanted a Happy Meal, so off to a McDonalds we went.

I looked in my Happy Meal box and smiled. I didn’t take anything out, I just sat there looking into the box with a smile.

“Suzy,” Grandpa asked? “Something wrong?”

“No, Grandpa. It’s a girl toy! It’s my first girl Happy Meal,” I said, pulling out the toy and just looking at it with a smile.

“Oh, phooey,” Jill stated. “I already have two of those.”

“Yeah, but I don’t,” I said, releasing the toy from its plastic cage. “Hi there. Don’t be scared. You and my dollies will be the only girl toys in my room, but hopefully, I’ll get more. We’ll have fun. You’ll see. Yeah, Daddy may try to throw away all my girl stuff, but you’re small. I’ll hide you when he does that.”

Grandma and Grandpa looked at each other, communicating without saying a word.

We were halfway through the meal when Grandpa interrupted the conversation, “Girls, when we get back to your house, I want you to take all the stuff back to your bedrooms, and I want you two to stay in the bedrooms. Grandma and I will talk to your Mom and Dad.”

“Why,” Jill asked?

Jilly could be so stupid at times. Well, maybe not stupid, but . . . innocent? Yeah, I think that’s the word. She still doesn’t get it. Maybe there really is truth to the statement, ‘You will understand when you’re older.’

I closed my eyes for a second, took a deep breath, and then looked at her, “Jilly, we need to introduce our new dolls to all of your older dolls and stuffies.”

“Oh, okay,” Jill said before stuffing some more fries in her mouth.

I looked at Grandma and Grandpa. They both gave me a weak smile. I knew the end of all of this was approaching fast. I watched Jilly take a few bites, play with her toy a little, and then take a few more bites. Then, it finally hit me. The Christmas gift wasn’t the dress, the dolls, the jewelry, or even the clothes. It was this day. One day as a girl. The only one I would ever get. A tear started to fall. I wiped it away fast before Jilly saw it. Looking around, I realized that Grandma and Grandpa did notice. Grandma reached out and squeezed my hand, giving me another weak smile. I looked at Grandma and mouthed, ‘Thank You.’

Looking over at Jilly, I watched her playing with her Happy Meal toy. She looked more like a little kid than a big 3rd grader. She didn’t understand what was about to happen, and I would do anything to protect her from it. I just couldn’t come up with any way to shield her from it. My baby sister, that word ‘baby’ stood out more as I watched her. She had her new doll on her lap and occasionally fed it a fry before taking a bite. Then she would play with the Happy Meal toy. Unaware of the storm she was about to be in the middle of.

I looked at Grandma, then at Jill. With a jerk of my head and a look over at the play area, Grandma got the message.

“Jilly,” Grandma said. “Why don’t you go play in the play area when you finish eating.”

Jill’s slow eating pace picked up. She was quickly done and running off with her dolly in hand to play.

“She doesn’t understand,” I stated once Jill couldn’t hear us.

“No, she doesn’t,” Grandpa confirmed. “She is just a little girl who still gets lost in make-believe worlds of her own creation.”

“Today’s the only day I get as Suzy, isn’t it?”

“We don’t know that,” Grandma acknowledged. “I watched a girl today have a lot of fun. Not a boy pretending to be a girl, but just a girl. That girl deserves a chance to escape her cage, but your parents hold the key to that cage, not us.”

“We will do what we can,” Grandpa tried to assure me. “We know you are Suzy, trapped in the body of a boy named Lewis. Most people in this world are only going to see the boy. Even among those that see Suzy inside you, many will not accept her.”

“Like Mom and Dad.”

“Don’t give up on them yet,” Grandma said. “They both love you dearly, and I am not going to let them forget that.”

“They love Lewis Jefferson Morris,” I stated. “Not Susan Morris.”

“They technically are the same person,” Grandpa pointed out. “I don’t know why such a sweet girl as you was given the body of a boy, but that does not change the fact that you are a girl. At least, that is what I see. A doctor will need to make the final determination, but I certainly see a girl.”

I looked over at Jill playing on the play structure, “I wish I could protect her from what is coming.”

Grandma reached out again and squeezed my hand, “She is your sister and lives in the same house as you. She is in the middle of this, and nothing can change that. The two of you have a very tight bond for sisters that are four years apart in age.”

“I’d do anything for that little pip-squeak,” I said, looking over at Jilly, who had her dolly in her lap as she went down the slide.

“I suspect she would say the same about you,” Grandma commented.

Grandpa pulled out his phone and started tapping away at it.

“Who you texting Grandpa?”

“Your father, I’m asking him if he is ready to act civilized if I bring his two girls back.”

“Thank you for this one day, Grandma, and you too, Grandpa. I will always cherish these memories.”

Grandpa’s phone pinged.

“What does it say,” I asked?

Grandpa looked at me and then at Grandma.

“She deserves to know,” Grandma said. “Show her.”

Grandpa passed me his phone, and I read the screen, “I am ready for my daughter and my SON to come home.”

After I read it, I passed the phone over to Grandma.

“Well, I guess that says everything,” Grandma said. “Sorry, Suzy. This is not going to be easy.”

The three of us sat there looking at each other in silence. After a few minutes, Grandma’s phone pinged. She took it out of her purse and looked at it.

“And we have the other side of the coin. This one is a bit more promising,” Grandma said, laying her phone down on the table so Grandpa and I could both see it.

The message on the screen said, “I want to meet my daughter.”

“Is that from Mom,” I asked?

“Yes, Suzy.”

“She’s talking about me?”

Both Grandma and Grandpa nodded their heads, yes.

“Well, one of them is at least willing to meet Suzy,” Grandpa commented. “It doesn’t mean she is ready to accept her, but at least this is a step in the right direction.”

“So, what do we do,” Grandma asked?

“That is an excellent question,” Grandpa replied.

Grandma picked up her phone and typed a message into it.

“What did you tell Mom,” I asked?

“Nothing yet,” Grandma said. “I sent a text to Jessica, asking her when she gets back in town.”

By the time Grandma finished this explanation, her phone had pinged again. Looking at it, she said, “Jessica gets back late tonight.”

“Go ahead,” Grandpa said. “It would open up a few options.”

I looked at the two of them in confusion. Grandma looked around and then pressed a few buttons on her phone and put it up to her ear. I also looked around. There was no one else in our corner of the restaurant.

“Hi, Sweetie,” Grandma said into her phone. “There have been some changes in the family, and your stubborn brother is struggling to accept them. . . Lewis appears to be transgender. . . She goes by Suzy. . . Yeah. . . I’m tremendously worried about that. . . Would you be willing to watch Jilly and Suzy tomorrow?”

I looked over at Jilly and then back at Grandma.

“Thanks, Jessica. Sorry to interrupt your visit with the in-laws,” Grandma chuckled at something Jessica said. “She’s right here with me. . . Sure, I’ll do it as soon as I hang up. . . Thanks, see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Grandma said, hanging up. “She will watch the girls tomorrow. She wants a picture of you. Is that okay, Suzy?”

I shrugged my shoulders. Grandma held up her phone and told me to smile. After taking the picture, she sent it off to Aunt Jessica. Before deciding our next action, Grandma’s phone pinged, and then it pinged again.

One message was from Aunt Jessica. It said, “She is absolutely adorable.”

The second message was from my Mom, “Can you keep the kids tonight? I am not sure Lewis would be safe here tonight. Ben is mad.”

Grandma looked over at Jill playing and then to Suzy, “Your Mom wants you to stay the night with us. I agree with your Mom. You should spend the night with us. I also know your Dad will not be happy about that decision. Part of me feels there is one more person who deserves a say in all of this. Suzy, what do you think we should do?”

I looked down at the food in front of me. Looking up at Jill, I suddenly didn’t want to be a big kid anymore. Last week I couldn’t wait to be a teenager, but now, I wished I could just go to Mommy and have her make everything all better. In this situation, though, Mom might be part of my problem. Jilly running around the play structure with her dolly looked more appealing than being a big kid. I had no idea what to do.

“I think that may be a bit much for a twelve-year-old,” Grandpa looked at me, concerned. “Maybe we need to ask the question a different way.”

‘Thanks, Grandpa,’ I said in my head.

“Suzy,” Grandpa continued. “What do you want? Tomorrow, who do you want to be, Suzy or Lewis?”

I smiled, “That’s easy, Grandpa. I want to be Suzy tomorrow. Lewis is just a costume. You know how Jilly likes to play dress-up. Lewis is just a costume like the ones she puts on.”

“Well, that settles that. The girls stay with us tonight. We’ll stop at Walmart and get Jill some pajamas, an outfit for tomorrow, and anything else we’ll need, like toothbrushes, as soon as the three of you are settled in for the night. I will head over and talk with Ben,” Grandpa stated before staring straight at me for a bit.

Grandpa picked up his phone and typed a few things into it. It took less than a minute to get a text back. Grandpa had a text conversation back and forth with whoever he was chatting with. Finally, he put his phone down and looked at the two of us, “Actually, prepare the girls for a sleepover with Cousin Mary. Jessica thinks they can be back by 8 pm if they leave now. If things go sideways, I’d prefer Ben not know where the girls are.”

“Ben wouldn’t . . .”

“He has already threatened to give his transgender daughter a whipping just for putting on a dress. I did not teach that boy to whip children. None of our kids were spanked and certainly not whipped. He has had all day to calm down and accept the facts. Instead, he is still mad and refuses to accept that Suzy is a girl. He isn’t even open to a conversation on the topic, so don’t tell me that Ben wouldn’t show up at our house and try to get Suzy,” Grandpa corrected Grandma.

“Okay,” Grandma relented. Turning to me, “Suzy, how hard will it be for Jilly to go to sleep tonight without her favorite stuffed animal?”

I looked over at Jilly, “That will be a challenge. She has done it a few times when her stuffy Rosie got lost. It will be hard, but I think I can get her to sleep. I will need a few things. The PJs we get her will need to be footed blanket sleepers. If I read her a bedtime story, that will help. It would be best if it is the one I started last night. Could we get the American Girl Molly book?”

Grandma picked up her phone sent a question off to Aunt Jessica. The reply was that Cousin Mary had all of the Molly books, and we could use them tonight.

“Jilly will need some sort of stuffed companion,” I said, looking over at Jilly running around with her new dolly. “And I think that will work very well as a replacement.”

Grandma looked where I was and then smiled, “You will make a good Mommy someday.”

“Thanks, but I will be happy to just be the big sister for now.”

We all finished eating and then called Jill over. An excited Jilly jumped up and down when she heard we were having a sleepover with Cousin Mary. At Walmart, Jill got all excited about a blanket sleeper that made her look like a unicorn. The outfit she picked for tomorrow also had a unicorn on it. I was picking up on a particular theme, so I was not surprised when she passed a unicorn headband and begged Grandma to get it. As soon as it passed over the scanner at the register, Jilly put it on her head.

Not once did Jilly ask why we were having a sleepover. She didn’t question why we bought pajamas and an outfit for tomorrow. We lived in the same town, but she didn’t ask why we weren’t going home to get stuff from there for the sleepover. One phrase kept coming to mind, ‘You’ll understand when you get older.’ I am not sure I like understanding. Part of me would prefer to be like Jilly and just accept stuff like this without question. Walking around holding tight onto her dolly and wearing the unicorn horn, I just had to smile at her. I had often been envious of Jilly, but this time, I was jealous that she was still a little kid, living in a world where you can trust the grown-ups to always do what is right.

Back at Grandma’s house, all the new clothes were put in the washing machine. We got to have one of the Christmas cookies we made earlier and packed a few for Cousin Mary. Grandpa had been gone a while, and I wondered how things were going at my house. If I had just waited to put the dress on until we were at Grandma’s house. . .

Grandma had this weird board game called Othello. Jilly and I liked to play it whenever we visited. Jill was good at getting the corner positions, which meant that she won a lot. I sometimes let her win in other games, so it was nice to play a game where I didn’t have to do that.

At 7:45 pm, Grandma came in and told us to put the game away after someone won. It was time to go over to Aunt Jessica’s house.

I was winning, so Jill said, “Okay, game over.”

“Wait a minute,” I objected.

“You heard Grandma. She said we had to put the game away because it was time to go.”

“No, she said AFTER someone wins.”

“Fine,” Jill huffed. “But I still won more games than you.”

“You sure did squirt. You sure did,” I said with a smile.

The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 3 Aunt Jessica

We pulled into Aunt Jessica’s driveway. Dad doesn’t want me being Suzy. Would Aunt Jessica and Uncle Mike think the same way? Everyone else had gotten out of the car, and I hadn’t unbuckled my seatbelt. If I did that, it would mean I was going in. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. I unbuckled my doll's seatbelt and brought her up onto my lap.

“What do you think?” I said to my doll. “Are they going to want to whip me too? Look at them. They just realized I’m not with them. Yeah, I know. They’re wondering why I’m still in the car. Oh no, Aunt Jessica is coming over.”

Aunt Jessica opened the front passenger door and got in, “Hi Suzy.”

“Hi,” I said, looking only at my doll.

“What’s her name?”

“Amanda.”

“That is a good name.”

I smiled.

“So, why are you two still out here in the car. Don’t you think Amanda would be more comfortable in the house where it is nice and warm?”

“I guess.”

“I hear my brother has been . . . having trouble adjusting to you.”

“Yup.”

“Are you worried about how I will respond to suddenly having an adorable niece?”

“Uh-huh”

“Well, I’m not like my brother. I want to get to know you.”

I looked up at Aunt Jessica, unsure if she was telling the truth or not. Possibly, she meant it.

“Uncle Mike?” I got out.

“He has no problem with someone different. Did you know his brother is married to another man?”

“No.”

“Uncle Mike will be completely okay with you wearing clothes to show who you are on the inside.”

“Mary hates me,” I said, looking back at my doll.

“Why would you say something like that? She always likes it when you come over, or she goes to your house.”

“She likes Jilly, not me,” I said. Then in my best Mary impersonation, “You’re a yucky boy. Go play somewhere else.”

“Hmmm,” Aunt Jessica expressed. “I didn’t know she was being mean to you. I’ll have a talk with her about that. You’re not a boy anymore, though, so she shouldn’t have a problem with you.”

Looking down at my Amanda doll, “Oh, don’t give me that look. I know she is probably right.”

“Why don’t the two of you come in the house, and we will see together. I assure you, everyone will be nice to you.”

I thought about it for a bit and then agreed. For some reason, I didn’t want to put the doll down when I left the car. When we entered the house, Uncle Mike said hi and then went to get the suitcase out of the car.

“Mary Elizabeth,” Aunt Jessica shouted out. “Get down here immediately.”

“What, Mom,” Mary asked, coming into the room with Jilly right behind her?

“Would you care to explain why Suzy here thinks you hate her?”

Mary looks at me and then back at her Mom, “I don’t know.”

“Have you ever told her that she was a yucky boy and then refused to play with her?”

“I’ve never said that to Suzy,” Mary admitted honestly. “I’ve never met Suzy before.”

Jilly giggled, which caused Aunt Jessica to look at her, “Well then. We have one kid saying it happened and one saying it didn’t. I suspect, however, the third kid was there when it happened. Jilly, have you ever heard Mary say that to your sister?”

“Not Suzy, but she says it to Lewis all the time,” Jill bluntly said.

“Sister?” Mary looked straight at me. Her eyes went wide, “You’re Lewis? You are Lewis. Mom, why is Lewis wearing a dress?”

“Didn’t you tell her,” Grandma asked?

“We had a long discussion about Transgender on the drive back,” Jessica replied. “I might have accidentally left out an important piece of information.”

“Lewis is Transgender,” Mary questioned?

I hugged Amanda tighter. Maybe I should have gotten the Mulan doll. She would do better protecting me than Amanda holding her stuffed bunny rabbit.

Mary looked at me, “You are Lewis. That beats Sarah and her two Moms any day.”

Aunt Jessica rolled her eyes, “Mary, this isn’t a competition with your friends. It’s your Cousin Suzy’s life.”

“When did he become transgender?”

“She has always been transgender,” Grandma interjected. “Individuals who are transgender are born that way. They have the brain and heart aligning with their true gender since the day they were born. I could see it in Suzy when she was just a baby.”

“He certainly does look pretty in that dress. Where’d you get it Lewis?”

“Mary,” Aunt Jessica reprimanded. “We talked about this. You don’t call an individual who is transgender by their birth name. We also use the proper pronouns. This is your Cousin Suzy, and you should be using she and her pronouns.”

“She got the dress for Christmas,” Jill added. “Grandma gave it to her.”

“Grandma always picks out good dresses,” Mary smiled at Grandma.

“Right now, young lady,” Aunt Jessica said in her Mom voice. “You owe Suzy an apology.”

“Sorry,” Mary said to me and then turned to look at her Mom. “What am I apologizing for?”

Aunt Jessica covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head back and forth.

“Teacher says you’re not supposed to apologize unless you mean it,” Jill stated. “How can you mean it if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for?”

There were times I really loved my little sister.

“Jilly, that is an excellent question,” Aunt Jessica said. “Mary, you’re thirteen. Stop acting like you’re six. Now Apologize to Suzy correctly. We are never mean to our relatives, whether they are boy or girl.”

“Suzy,” Mary said, looking straight at me. “I am sorry I was mean to you when you were a yucky boy.”

“Mary!”

“What?”

“Suzy,” Aunt Jessica took my hands. “I am sorry Mary was ever mean to you. Her Dad and I will have a talk with her about it. It will never happen again.”

“Okay,” I replied, not believing a word Aunt Jessica was saying.

“Where should I put this suitcase,” Uncle Mike asked?

“Put it in Mary’s room. Then get out the sleeping bags for the girls. Find Mary’s old one for Jill,” Aunt Jessica said. “While he does that, let’s all go into the dining room. I see someone brought cookies.”

“We made them today!” Jill explained.

“One cookie, and then it is time to get ready for bed,” Aunt Jessica said.

“So, how long is Jilly and . . . Suzy staying over,” Mary asked as she picked a cookie?

Aunt Jessica looked at Grandma. I kept looking at Grandma and then over at Jill.

Grandma caught my glances and looked over at Jill, “It is Christmas Break. Let’s see how things go.”

“Daddy’s being a meany, so Grandma and Grandpa are putting him in Time-Out. They don’t want Suzy to get a whipping from Daddy. That’s why we are here,” Jill said before taking another bite of her cookie.

“Well,” Grandma smiled at Jill. “It appears our little one understands a lot more than we thought she did. Mary, Jilly is right. Suzy and Jilly are here because Uncle Ben is threatening to beat his daughter. No one has the right to beat another person. No man ever has the right to hit a woman, and even worse, a small girl. We are family, and we protect each other. Suzy needs our protection, so we will give it to her. When Uncle Ben calms down, then your cousins can go home. Until then, they will be here or at my house.”

“Wow,” Mary commented as she looked over at Suzy and Jilly.

We all ate our cookies in silence. Mary was the first done, so she was sent off to get in her pajamas. When she came back, I had to get changed. Jilly was eating her cookie, real slow. I smiled at her when I left to get changed. When I got back, she was still eating that cookie.

“Your turn Jilly,” Aunt Jessica declared.

“But I’m not done with my cookie.”

“If you can’t finish, I will save it for tomorrow night, but right now, it is time to go get your PJs on,” Aunt Jessica explained.

Jill finished her cookie off in two bites, finished her milk in one drink, and then went off to get changed.

As soon as Jill had left, Mary asked, “Did I do stuff like that when I was her age?”

“You still do,” Aunt Jessica smiled at Mary.

“No, I don’t.”

Aunt Jessica raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, most of the time, I don’t,” Mary relented.

Grandma and I chuckled.

“Aunt Jessica,” I asked? “You said you had the American Girl Molly Books?”

Turning to Mary, “Take Suzy down to the playroom and get the book.”

As we entered the playroom, “So, you’re reading the American Girl books?”

“I’m reading to Jilly for her bedtime story. Last night we got through the first two chapters.”

“Isn’t she old enough to read her own bedtime story?”

“Yeah, but she still likes it when I do it,” I glanced off into nothingness as I recalled various times when Jilly had fallen asleep in my lap as I read her a story. “I like it too. It also gave me a way to read girl stories without Dad complaining about me reading a girl book. I’ve only recently convinced her to let me read chapter books to her. The Molly book is the first American Girl book I’ve ever read. It sounds pretty good so far.”

“Which Molly book are you reading?”

“The first one in the series: A Winning Spirit.”

“Let’s see. I arranged the American Girl books by the year they occur. Molly was when?”

“World War II,” I replied.

We got Jilly’s book, and I took one to read called The Secret Garden.

“So, is this your thing now,” Mary asked, looking me up and down as we left the playroom?

“I want it to be, but there is no way Dad and Mom will allow it,” I said. “One day as Suzy has been my best Christmas present ever. At least I will have the memories from today to carry with me forever.”

“You want to be a girl?”

“I don’t want to be a girl. I am a girl, just with the body of a boy. Terrible way to live. My Dad tried to play football with me yesterday. I hated it.”

“Bobby likes to play football,” Mary said with a dreamy expression.

“Oh, so you don’t think all boys are yucky, just me as a boy,” I teased.

Mary instantly blushed, “Well, ummm.”

I giggled and started walking faster. Mary sped up to catch me.

“Now comes the challenge, Mary,” I explained. “Can we get Jilly to sleep without her throwing a fit because she doesn’t have her favorite stuffed animal?”

“Why doesn’t she have her stuffy? It’s Rosie, right?”

“We didn’t know that we would be staying overnight. Jilly and I thought we were just going over to Grandma’s for the day.”

“Oh,” Mary said as we entered the living room. “But you came with a suitcase?”

“We went clothes shopping today. Everything in there is new or from a 2nd hand store,” I explained as I went over to where Jilly was on the couch with Grandma, Aunt Jessica, and Uncle Mike.

“Mary has the book Jilly,” I said, holding up the Molly book. “I can continue your bedtime story.”

“Sounds good,” Aunt Jessica said. “Jilly, go brush your teeth, and then Suzy can read you your bedtime story.”

“Can’t I stay up,” Jill pleaded?

“No,” Grandma stated. “Now listen to your aunt and get those teeth brushed.”

Jill went running off to Mary’s room to get her toothbrush.

“You two,” Aunt Jessica said to Mary and me. “Get what you need out of Mary’s room. Once Jilly falls asleep, the light in the room is not going back on until tomorrow. Suzy, why don’t you go brush your teeth now.”

“She does have a point,” I stated as we headed off to Mary’s room. “Once you get Jilly to sleep, you don’t want to wake her up. Getting her back to sleep is even harder the second time.”

When digging through the suitcase to get my toothbrush, I looked at Mary’s stuffed animal collection. She had a little pink unicorn. With Mary’s permission, I put it on Jilly’s pillow. I put my Amanda doll on my pillow. Seeing this, Mary put a stuffed animal on her pillow, a stuffed kitty cat.

After Jilly had gotten a collection of hugs and kisses goodnight, Grandma, Jilly, and I went back to Mary’s room. Jilly snuggled down in the Disney Princess sleeping bag.

“I need Rosie,” Jilly looked up at me with pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jilly, but we don’t have Rosie. Mary has lent you her pink unicorn, and you have your new dolly.”

“But . . .” Jilly’s eyes were starting to water.

I picked up Jill’s new doll and made it talk with Jill, “Come on, Jilly. I’m scared. Can you pwease hug me tonight, so I feel safe? Suzy says you’re a good hugger.”

“You’re a goofball Suzy,” Jilly grabbed the doll and gave it a big hug.

Grandma got my attention and non-verbally signaled for me to start reading. When I reached the end of one chapter, Jilly was lying down, hugging her doll and the unicorn. There was an occasional eye flutter, but not enough for me to stop reading. I kept reading. When I reached the end of the second chapter Jilly was almost asleep. I would typically stop here, but Grandma indicated that I should keep reading. I read the whole next chapter before stopping. Jilly was sound asleep somewhere in the middle. Grandma put her finger over her mouth and signaled for me to follow her.

When we reached the living room, “You were good with her, Suzy. You really will make a good mother someday.”

“Thanks. I thought we were in trouble when she started to cry.”

“But that was a genius move making her dolly come to life and ask Jilly to protect her.”

“I’ve used her stuffed animals coming to life as a way to distract her since she was a baby.”

“That always worked with Mary when she was little,” Aunt Jessica added.

“Okay, I should head home now,” Grandma said. “Thanks, Jessica. Suzy, I love you just the way you are. No matter what happens, remember that.”

I ran up to Grandma and gave her a big hug, “Thank You.”

Goodbyes were shared, and Grandma left.

“Okay, you two,” Aunt Jessica said. “I’ll let you stay up for another 30 minutes. Then, off to bed.”

Mary and I went to the Playroom and talked, mostly about me. She was being nice to me, so I didn’t mind. Until a few years ago, Mary and I had been close. Then she entered her, ‘boys are yucky’ stage. It was nice to have her back. We talked a lot about times in our past where I did girly things. Neither of us noticed when we were little, but it was fairly obvious looking back. These trips down memory lane helped Mary not view my situation as totally weird.

“Girls,” Aunt Jessica interrupted, coming into the playroom. “Time for bed. Be quiet when you enter Mary’s room. Jilly is sleeping, and we don’t want to wake her up.”

“Yes, Mom,” Mary said with an attitude.

“No, Mary,” I commented. “Waking Jilly up would be bad. She may be a big eight-year-old, but she is a grumpy baby when you wake her up.”

Aunt Jessica giggled, “Reminds me of someone else.”

“Mom!”

“Off to bed, you two.”

Laying down in the sleeping bag, listening to Jilly’s slow breathing, Dad’s comment was stuck in my head, playing repeatedly. “Lewis, I told you to go get that dress off this instant. Get moving or get a whipping.” I hugged my new dolly tight.

When I woke up in the morning, I was the only one in the room. Getting up, I tucked my doll back in and headed out to find everyone.

“Yeah, I made it with my new bracelet kit. Suzy made one with her name on it too,” Jilly said.

“Morning, Suzy,” Uncle Mike said as I entered the kitchen. “Pancakes?”

“Sure,” I said as I headed for the table in the dining room.

“Mickey Mouse pancakes or regular ones?”

I smiled at my memories of Uncle Mike’s Mickey Mouse pancakes, “Regular is fine. I’m getting a little old for Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

“Mickey Mouse it is then,” Uncle Mike declared. “You can never be too old for Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

I looked over at Uncle Mike cooking the pancakes and then at everyone sitting down. Mary showed me her plate, with a Mickey Mouse pancake on it.

“Mary,” Aunt Jessica said. “After breakfast, I want you to go through your clothes and find ones that you have outgrown. Suzy will probably fit in them.”

Mary was silent as she ate, and then she got a smile on her face as she looked at me, “Jilly, we get to play dolly dress up this morning. Don’t you think Suzy will make a perfect dolly for us to play with?”

Jilly clapped her hands and expressed her enthusiasm for the activity.

“I’m not sure this will be as much fun for me as it apparently will be for you two,” I stated. “And if Dad refuses to let me be me, it would all be a waste of time.”

Aunt Jessica reached out and squeezed my hand, “Go ahead and do it. Trying on outfits is always a fun activity, even if you never get to keep any of the outfits. I am still hoping that Mom and Dad can get my brother to stop being so stubborn about this issue.”

“This way, you can take advantage of my older wisdom,” Mary stated.

“You’re only a year older,” I pointed out.

“But thirteen years more experience dressing as a girl than you have.”

“Okay, you do have a point there.”

“Oh, cool,” Jill commented. “That means I have eight more years experience than you have. That means I’m the big sister now.”

I chuckled, “No, Jilly, it means you have eight more years of experience dressing as a girl. That doesn’t make you my older sister.”

“Oh, phooey!”

I hated to see her disappointed, “That doesn’t mean I can’t learn from your superior experience on the topic.”

Jilly beamed. Looking at her dolly sitting on the table, “See, your Mommy is a knowledgeable, experienced woman of the world.”

The table broke out into giggles.

After the meal, Aunt Jessica stopped Jilly from going off to play. There was syrup on her pajamas, so Aunt Jessica immediately took Jilly to get changed in hopes of not getting syrup all over the house. Jilly came back wearing the outfit we bought her yesterday and her unicorn horn headband. Grabbing her doll from the table, she went off to the playroom.

“Mary, why don’t you get dressed,” Aunt Jessica said. “Suzy, you might as well hold off until the fashion show. I’ll help out with that as soon as I clean up from Breakfast.”

When Mary returned, “Mom, can you braid my hair?”

Aunt Jessica looked at the plate in her hand and then at me, “Why don’t you see if Suzy can do it.”

“How would she know how to braid hair?”

“Because I do it for Jilly occasionally when babysitting her,” I pointed out. “Do you want piggies or pony?”

“Hmm, I haven’t had braided pigtails for a while, but wait a minute. I’m thirteen. I don’t want little kid high pigtails like Jilly wears.”

“I know,” I responded. “I don’t always do Jilly’s up in high pigtails anymore. She sometimes wants a more ‘big girl’ hairstyle. She wants to be a little girl some days and a big girl other days. It is so confusing at times.”

Aunt Jessica smiled at that comment, “Suzy, she still likes the high pigtails. She just won’t wear them outside the house.”

“Mom!”

By the time I had braided two pigtails for Mary, her mom was done and ready for a fashion show. We moved into Mary’s room, and Aunt Jessica started going through the closet and drawers. A pile was collecting on the bed for me to try on when Jilly came in looking for everyone.

“Fashion show time. Fashion show time,” Jilly ranted.

Mary would pick combos for me to try. I would go into the closet, change, and come out to get everyone’s opinions. Aunt Jessica would determine if the stuff fit me. Mary would judge if I could wear it around other kids my age. Jilly would tell me if it looked good on me or not. She thought everything looked good on me, so sometimes, I would turn to Mary for a more honest view on the topic.

We were halfway through the pile when Uncle Mike came in, “Grandma just called. She wants Jilly and Suzy to be ready to go in fifteen minutes. They’ll be coming back, but their Mom wants to see them.”

“What should she wear,” Mary asked?

“The Easter dress,” Jilly shouted out.

“That is a pretty dress,” Aunt Jessica responded. “But that is a springtime dress. There is snow outside. Suzy, what do you think would be good to wear?”

I looked over the pile we had been through and then the one we hadn’t gotten to yet. Opening up the suitcase and looking at the clothes we bought yesterday, I went back to the pile of ones I hadn’t tried on yet. Taking out a dress, I held it up to me.

“One of my church dresses,” Mary said. “It will look good on you.”

“A nice dress,” Aunt Jessica commented. “It makes you look all proper and a very nice young lady. That is a good one for introducing Suzy to your Mom.”

I went and tried it on. When I came out, everyone thought it looked good. Aunt Jessica said I should wear white tights with it. She got a pair of Mary’s white tights for me to wear. Then came the discussion about the shoes. I wanted the pink sneakers I got yesterday, but Aunt Jessica thought I should have more formal shoes. It was decided I should wear a pair of black Mary Jane shoes. Then the focus was on my hair. I did Mary’s, so I wanted her to do mine, but Aunt Jessica convinced Mary and me that she should do it this time.

Looking in the mirror, I saw a girl. I saw me. Not Lewis, or Lewis wearing a girl costume. Not a boy in a dress. No, I just saw me. Susan Morris. A smile slowly grew the more I looked in the mirror.

“I think she likes it,” Mary said.

“No doubt about it,” Aunt Jessica smiled.

“That’s my big sis,” Jill declared.

Grandma arrived a few minutes later. Jilly grabbed her new doll, and we got in the car. On the trip to Grandma’s house, it was explained that Mom wanted to meet Suzy.

I was worried. Mom pushed me to be more of a boy and do less girl things when I played with Jilly. Well, except when she needed me to keep Jilly busy so she could get stuff done around the house.

“Girls,” Grandma said. “Your Mom wants to see both of you.”

“Lewis,” I asked?

“No, she wants to see who you really are. If that is Suzy, she wants to see Suzy. If that is Lewis, she wants to see Lewis. That is completely up to you. I know who I think you are, but only you can say who you are.”

“Suzy,” Jilly said with enthusiasm.

“Jilly,” Grandma interjected. “This is not something you have a say in.”

“But, she’s my sister!”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you have a say in who she or he really is.”

I looked over at Jilly and smiled, “I am Susan Morris. Suzy for friends and family.”

Jilly smiled back at me.

“Suzy it is then,” Grandma smiled into the rearview mirror. “Then it is vital for you to know something, both of you. The girls in our family are strong. No matter what life throws at us, we can take it on. That does not mean you must do it alone. We stand together and support each other.”

I thought about that a bit as I stared out the car window.

When we got to Grandma’s house, Grandpa complimented me on my outfit.

Once I got Grandpa away from Jilly, “Grandpa, what did Dad say last night?”

Grandpa looked around, noticing no one else was close by, “He doesn’t believe you are a girl. He disapproves of you dressing in girl clothes. He is sorry that he threatened to whip you.”

“What good is that if he will not let me be me,” I went off and slumped down on the couch. I stayed there until Mom showed up.

Jilly was all excited to see Mommy and gave her a big hug. I just stayed on the couch. I didn’t even look over at her when she entered the house. I just sat looking down at my dress.

“Hi,” Mom said, standing right beside me. “Can I sit here?”

I shrugged my shoulders without looking at her.

“I’ve missed you,” Mom commented as she sat down.

I stayed silent.

“This girl thing has caught me by surprise. I never viewed you as a girl. You have always been my baby boy.”

“I know. You never liked it when I played with the girl things in the house.”

“Well, boys aren’t supposed to . . . never mind,” Mom said. “What makes you think you are a girl?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Always known it.”

“But the things you like to do aren’t very girly.”

Confused, I looked at Mom, “Like what?”

“You had a lot of fun tossing around the football with Dad the other day, and . . .”

“Fun? Ummm, not me. I hate football.”

“But, you smiled and thanked Dad for getting it for you.”

“I did what you taught me to do. Be nice. Thank people for the gift, and if you don’t like it, don’t tell them that.”

“I never taught . . . well, I guess maybe I did.”

“Did you like any of your Christmas presents?”

“The dress that Grandma got me,” and I looked back down at my hands in my lap.

“It certainly was a pretty dress. The one you have on now is also nice.”

“Thanks.”

We talked some about the books I like and the toys I enjoyed. Mom asked what I wanted to get for Christmas. When I said I wanted nail polish and make-up, Mom winced. After seeing that, I stopped sharing.

After a few minutes of silence, “I never see you playing with Jilly’s toys.”

“Really,” I asked? “Then why do you keep telling me that boys don’t play with girl toys. At least I could enjoy them when I was babysitting Jilly. Her stuff is a little babyish, but it was better than any boy things.”

“So, was it ever Lewis babysitting Jilly?”

“Girls are much better babysitters than boys.”

Mom chuckled.

We talked for a while, but something was off. I couldn’t figure out what, though.

“How long have you thought you were a girl,” Mom asked?

“I’ve always known I wasn’t a boy. You and Daddy kept telling me I wasn’t a girl, and I believed that for a long time. But then, one day, it hit me. If I wasn’t a boy, what was I? Jilly was three when she went all Princess galore. I was seven, and I liked almost everything she did. The only thing was, you kept telling me boys don’t play with girl toys and like girl things. I told you a few times I wasn’t a boy, but you never listened. I finally figured out I could play with most of Jilly’s toys and dress-up outfits if I didn’t say I wasn’t a boy. If you thought I was helping you keep Jilly busy and happy, I could do all sorts of things with her without you complaining. If I said I wasn’t a boy or tried to say that I was a girl, you would send me off to play with the boy toys. So, I guess I was seven when I finally realized I was a girl but had to keep that a secret.”

“You can always tell me anything Lewis.”

That’s it! That is what is off. To mom, I am still Lewis, a boy. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, “Words mean nothing if actions do not back them up.”

“Smart girl you have there,” Grandpa said.

I turned to look at Grandpa. I didn’t realize he was still in the room. Looking around more, Jilly and Grandma were nowhere in sight.

“You’re not going to let me be a girl, are you?”

“I . . . I . . . I will set up an appointment with a doctor and let them tell us what is going on with you.”

“And if the doctor says she is a girl,” Grandpa inquired?

“We’ll deal with that then.”

“Doesn’t matter, though, does it,” I asked as a tear came down my face? “You and Dad will never accept me as a girl.”

Mom hugged me for at least a minute before saying anything, “Honey, it is hard for Dad and me to adjust to you suddenly being a girl. You will always be our child, and we love you tons and tons. If the doctor says you are a girl, you will be my princess. I . . . I . . . I don’t know how we will make that happen, but I will do what the doctor recommends.”

“When can I get in to see this doctor? Can we go today?”

“No, we can’t go today. I have to make some phone calls and find one. Then we have to set up an appointment. It could be weeks before you get in to see the special doctor.”

“I have to be Lewis until then?”

Mom hugged me for a bit without talking. That meant, yes.

“It doesn’t matter, though, does it. I’ll never get to be Suzy again, will I? Daddy will not let me.”

Again, mom was silent for a bit, hugging me, “Boys don’t just turn into girls one day.”

“I’ve always been a girl. Not my fault you couldn’t see that.”

More hugs by mom without talking.

“Is Dad going to whip me when I get home?”

Grandpa interjected, “No! He will not.”

I looked right at Grandpa.

“Mommy?” I asked, looking at her.

“Mommy,” Mom said with a smile. “You haven’t called me that for a long time. What sweetie?”

“Is Dad going to whip or spank me when I get home?”

Mom looked at Grandpa and then back at me before answering, “I don’t think so. Grandpa made it pretty clear last night that he would call the police if Dad ever hit any child or if he hit any girl.”

“That includes you, Suzy,” Grandpa added.

I gave Grandpa a weak smile. Mom and I talked for a bit, but I never felt she wanted to accept me as Suzy. She said she would if the doctor declared me a girl, but by the way she talked, it sounded like that wasn’t likely to happen.

“Can I live with Grandma and Grandpa?” I can’t believe I just asked that.

“What?” Mom was shocked.

“You can stay here, Suzy, anytime you want,” Grandpa said.

The look Mom gave Grandpa told me she was not happy with his statement.

“You say you are ready to accept Suzy, but you have not been showing her that,” Grandpa stated. “If you are unwilling to love her and accept her for who she is, we are.”

“I love my child,” Mom got out.

“Will you let her dress the way she wants? Play with the toys she wants? Use the name she wants?”

“If the doctor says . . .”

“So no,” I said and looked down at my hands in my lap.

“You call her your child, but you have not used her name,” Grandpa pointed out. “No wonder she wants to come stay with us.”

I quickly started to think back. Mom hasn’t once called me Suzy or a girl.

“Suzy,” Grandpa said. “Go back and find your sister. I want to talk with your mom.”

I got up, and without looking at Mom, I went down the hall to find Jilly and Grandma. They were in the guest room playing with Jilly’s doll. As soon as I walked in, I broke out into tears. Both Jilly and Grandma were immediately giving me hugs. Grandma sat me down on the bed and told me to go ahead and cry. I did.

As Grandma tried to calm me down, we could hear Grandpa and Mom talking at a raised volume.

“Your daughter needs help and support. She needs love and caring. She needs recognition that her struggles are real. That starts with you and Benjamin using the proper pronouns and name,” Grandpa lectured. “She needs a therapist, but if I hear you bring her to one that does not believe in Transgender children or tries to ‘convert’ her, I will come over there myself, pack up all her stuff and move her to my house.”

“It’s not that simple,” Mom got out.

“Marsha gave her a dress and yesterday we bought her some dolls. It is that easy. It doesn’t cost any money to call her Suzy and use the pronouns she and her. But, you are right. Raising kids is not simple. You want easy, get a pet rock. You have two daughters that need your love and support as they grow up. We have no control over who they become or who they are at their core. As parents, our job is to guide them, support them, and help them become the best that they can be. You need to love them no matter what.”

“I do,” we heard mom say back, and then there was silence.

In the bedroom, Jilly broke the silence, “Mommy and Daddy don’t do that with Suzy or Lewis.”

I continued to cry into grandma.

“We are trying to change that Jilly,” Grandma said as she was rubbing my back.

When the tears finally stopped flowing, I sat up and looked around. Jilly was playing with her doll, and Grandma smiled at me. After watching Jilly for a bit, grandma said, “You know you can play with dolls too.”

I wasn’t really in the mood to play, but with prodding from Jilly, I joined in her make-believe world. We had been playing for a while when Mom came into the room. She sat down on the bed next to me.

“You have an appointment next week with a doctor that works with transgender kids. Your pediatrician recommended her, and after looking her up online, Grandpa approves of her as someone that could help you.”

“Thanks,” I half-heartedly said. “Not that it matters.”

“Suzy,” Grandma added. “It looks like your mom is trying, so give her a chance.”

All the eyes in the room were on Mom, who had on one of her Mom smiles, “I will support you exploring who you are between now and then. Dad is going to be the challenge.”

“He will come around Suzy,” Grandma said. “He has always been a bit stubborn, but eventually, he lets reason and logic come in. I may need to have another talk with him, though. When we are done here, I’ll go do that.”

“Did you come up with your girl name,” Mom asked?

“I named her,” Jilly proudly stated.

“It is a very nice name, Suzy Morris,” Mom said to Jilly and then looked at me.

“Grandma says you should give me my middle name since Jilly gave me my first name, and Dad gave me my last name.”

“A family effort. Hmmm, is Suzy short for something?”

“I figured it was short for Susan. That is what I told Jilly, so I am Susan Morris. Suzy to family and friends,” I replied without looking at Mom.

“I see, Susan Morris,” Mom thought out loud. “I was going to call you Jillian.”

“Yeah, I know. I told Jilly that, and she didn’t think it was nice of you to recycle the name for her.”

“I get all the hand-me-downs,” Jilly complained.

Mom chuckled, “If I had known my firstborn was actually a girl, I wouldn’t have done that.”

I considered looking at Mom, but I still couldn’t.

“Susan Anne Morris. Susan Tiffany Morris. Susan Marie Morris. Susan Olivia Morris? I don’t know. It took me months to settle on Jillian.”

“What was your dolly’s name when you were a kid,” I inquired?

“My favorite Doll was named Stacey.”

“Susan Stacey Morris,” I shook my head. “No, not right. Maybe Susan Anne Morris or Susan Olivia Morris.”

“Those are both nice,” Mom commented. “I think I like Susan Anne Morris better.”

“I like that, Susan Anne Morris. Too bad you and Dad won’t let me be a girl.”

“As Grandpa pointed out, my job is to guide you into becoming who you truly are,” Mom reached out and put her hand on my knee. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, “If that means you being a girl, then I will love you and guide you into becoming the best woman you can be.”

I finally looked up at Mom. I so wanted to believe her, “Really?”

“Really,” Mom confirmed.

“I have a sister, I have a big sister,” Jilly jumped off the bed and started bouncing around the room.

Mom and I talked some more, and then she went home. Jilly wanted to go with her, but Mom told her it would be best if she stayed at Grandma’s house for now. Grandma left just after Mom to talk to Dad.

“So, you two,” Grandpa said. “Do you want to go back to Aunt Jessica’s house or do something else?”

“Cousin Mary,” Jilly blurted out.

“I’m okay with that, I guess,” I added.

The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 4 Christmas Magic

“What do you mean Dad won’t be there,” I asked Grandma before taking another bite of breakfast?

Grandma looked over at Jill before looking back at me, “Your Dad is leaving home this morning to stay at a hotel for a few days.”

“Is that blockhead brother of mine refusing to face his daughter?”

Grandma smiled at Aunt Jessica, “Dad and I tried to convince him, but he wouldn’t calm down enough to listen to reason. I am sure he will accept reality once he calms down.”

“If he doesn’t,” I asked Grandma before looking over at Jill?

Grandma looked at me, Jill, and cousin Mary before giving Aunt Jessica a look. I suspected I knew what that look meant. Was I actually going to lose my Dad, just for putting on a dress?

“What if I . . .”

“Suzy,” Grandma interrupted me. “A person needs to be themselves. You need to be yourself. A parent’s job is to support their child as they discover who they are, not to force you to be someone you are not. The truth has finally come out. Don’t go back into hiding just because one person is being stubborn.”

I moved my spoon around in my cereal bowl while staring down into it. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there, but when Aunt Jessica took my bowl half full of soggy cereal away, the only other person still at the table was grandma, taking an occasional sip from her cup of coffee. She smiled at me when I looked up.

“Some things in life are hard to do,” Grandma stated. “Everyone in this house supports you in discovering your true self, but not everyone will. Why don’t you go pack up your stuff and join your sister and cousin down in the playroom.”

As I was putting stuff in the suitcase, Aunt Jessica came in with another bag to put the hand-me-down clothes in, “I suppose the book we got you for Christmas wasn’t exactly the type you like.”

“It was a very nice gift . . .”

“You do that a lot Suzy, don’t you,” Aunt Jessica asked? “Answer questions without letting your true feelings be known. I guess you have had to, haven’t you?”

“I can’t let people know what I feel or think.”

Aunt Jessica hugged me and kissed me on my forehead, “Here, in this house, you can.”

I gave her a weak smile.

“So, what did you think about the book?”

“No interest in reading it, but I am forcing myself to read it.”

“You’re being nice. Mary wouldn’t even bother trying to read it,” Aunt Jessica said as she put clothes in the suitcase. “Mary said you can pick out any ten books you want from the bookshelf in the playroom. She has read all of those books.”

“I don’t want to take her books.”

“You aren’t taking them, Suzy. She is giving them to you. You just get to pick them out yourself versus us deciding.”

“Thank You,” I smiled at Aunt Jessica.

“You’re so sweet. My brother is an idiot to treat you like this.”

“Daddy is just . . .”

“No, Suzy,” Aunt Jessica interrupted me. “Don’t make excuses for him. You are a sweet young lady, and he is an idiot for not seeing that in you. The way he is dealing with this situation is inappropriate and mean to you.”

I gave a weak smile back.

“I’ve got this,” Aunt Jessica said. “Why don’t you go down to the girls.”

Leaving the room, I wondered if she was right. Was Dad being mean to me, or was I mean to him? I got my one day as Suzy, even got an extra day. Do I deserve to have any more? Dad didn’t even think I ought to have that one day. I chuckled to myself as I realized that I couldn’t change back into my boy clothes even if I wanted to. They are all back at my house.

When I walked into the playroom, Mary was putting fingernail polish on Jilly’s fingers. I smiled, looked at my nails, and frowned. Just another thing I have always wanted but will never get to experience. I headed over to the bookcase to see what Mary had. I wasn’t sure why I was bothering since part of me was certain that Mom would take away all my girl things as soon as I got home.

I had gone through and picked out fifteen books. Mary came over as I tried to narrow them down to just ten.

“Great selection of books you have there,” Mary said. “And don’t forget the one you were reading last night. The Secret Garden, I think.”

I looked at the books and put the three American Girl books I had picked out back in the bookcase.

“Why’d you do that,” Mary inquired? “You’ll love reading those.”

“Wouldn’t want to mess up your set, and I can only have ten books.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mary said, looking between the books on the table, the bookcase, and me. “I did say just ten books, didn’t I. Forget it. Get those three back out and take all the ones you have here. I rarely reread books, and I know where to go if I want to reread any of these.”

“You sure?”

“No,” Mary admitted with a slight chuckle. “So, take the books before I come to my senses and realize what I have just done. Here, I’ll help you bring them up to the kitchen. Mom has paper bags up there we can put them in.”

As I grabbed about half the books, I looked over at Jilly. She was sitting down on the couch, watching a Disney show. I smiled at her waving her hands back and forth to dry the fingernail polish.

After getting the books in a bag, we went into the living room where Grandma and Aunt Jessica were.

“Hi girls,” Grandma smiled at us as we sat down. “We have a while before we need to go. Mary, why don’t you get out that Jewelry Making kit I got you for Christmas, and the two of you make some stuff.”

“Come on, Suzy,” Mary stood up. “The Grown-ups want to talk without us babies hearing them.”

“Mary! No one is calling you a baby or treating you like one,” Aunt Jessica reprimanded. Turning to grandma, Aunt Jessica said, “Sorry, Mom, Mary has been a bit emotional lately.”

“You mean she is acting just like you did at that age.”

“I was never that bad,” Aunt Jessica objected.

Mary looked at her mom and Grandma.

“Go, Mary,” Grandma said. “Before your mom digs herself deeper into a whole.”

Mary and I giggled as we went off to her room. Mary got her Jewelry making kit, and we settled down at the living room table to give us lots of space. I had made a necklace and was working on a bracelet when Grandma left.

“I wonder where she is going,” I said as I continued to put beads on the string. “I thought she was taking us home.”

Mary looked off into the living room where her mom was still sitting down, “I heard them talking earlier that Grandma would visit your house before she took you two home. Something about making sure it was going to be ready.”

We both worked in silence before Mary asked, “Did your dad actually threaten to whip you, just for putting on a dress?”

“Yeah,” I closed my eyes as I recalled the event. “I was scared. Dad has never even spanked me or Jilly. I knew I made a mistake putting the dress on, but I didn’t realize how big a mistake it was until I saw the way he looked at me.”

“Grandma gave you the dress for Christmas,” Cousin Mary pointed out. “How can it be wrong to put on some clothes Grandma gave you? Strange maybe that you would want to, but not wrong.”

“I have enjoyed wearing the dresses, getting my hair done, and even doll shopping, but I still think it was a mistake to put the dress on in the first place. We would be happy at home with Mom and Dad if I hadn’t.”

“Would you have been,” Mary asked? “I mean, well . . . you seem happier now than you did on Christmas. You’re almost . . . bubbly.”

I looked down at the outfit I was wearing and then back at Mary with a big smile, “This time getting to be Suzy has been the best Christmas gift anyone has ever gotten me. I’ve asked Santa for this ever since . . . since . . . Do you remember that yellow dress you wore for school pictures when I was in Kindergarten?”

“Oh, my 1st-grade school picture dress. I loved that one. Mom did my hair up in pigtails with ribbons and even used the curling iron to curl the pigtails a little and my bangs,” Mary got a big smile on her face as she looked off into the distance before focusing back on me. “Yeah, what about it?”

“That was the first time I can recall knowing that I was different. I so wanted a dress just like yours. Everything from the pigtails to the Disney princess light-up sneakers. I commented to one of the other boys in my class about how I wished I had outfits like that for school pictures instead of the stupid dress pants and a button-down shirt. Bobby told me I was very weird. Boys don’t wear dresses, and then he promptly questioned why anyone would ever want their hair done up crazy like that.”

“Boys don’t know what they are missing,” Mary commented.

“I grew to hate school picture day,” I said, not looking at Mary. “I got to see all these great outfits that I could never have and the hairstyles. Mom always takes me to cut my hair short just before school pictures. That was probably the biggest reminder that I was not a girl, no matter what my brain and heart were telling me. I eventually accepted that I could never wear a dress, but then the secret Christmas gift from Grandma was on my bed.”

“Secret?”

“Yeah, did you see me open it with the other presents when you were there,” I asked?

Mary thought and responded, “No.”

“When she was leaving, she whispered in my ear that she put a special gift on my bed, saying it would be something I would really like. With all my gifts always being stuff for boys, I knew I wouldn’t like it. I sure was surprised when I saw what was in the box. I don’t know how Grandma knew . . .”

I was interrupted by Mary, “Grandma always knows what we really want. I’ve gotten some of my best gifts from Grandma.”

“Two days as Suzy certainly has been an amazing gift. One I have asked Santa for ever since I saw you in that school picture dress. I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life. I just wish it didn’t have to end.”

“It doesn’t,” Mary declared. “Everyone knows now, so you don’t have to go back to being Lewis.”

I looked down at the table and shook my head back and forth as tears started to flow, “When I leave here, I will have to stop being Suzy and go back to being Lewis.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you get it, Mary,” I said with a raised voice. “Mom and Dad will never let me be Suzy. Dad won’t even be in the same house as me. To be loved by Mom and Dad, I have to be Lewis. I can never be Suzy, ever again.”

I got up and ran off through the living room. Opening the sliding glass door, I went into the backyard. I knew exactly where to go. I had played hide-and-seek enough times in this yard. There was a small space behind the tool shed before the backyard fence. No one could see me there, but it didn’t occur to me that the tracks in the snow would lead anyone straight to me.

Aunt Jessica was soon following me, calling out my name. I didn’t respond. I . . . I just couldn’t deal with this anymore.

“Mary,” I heard Aunt Jessica say. “Go back into the house. I’ll deal with this. Go see how Jilly is doing.”

I knew Aunt Jessica was standing at the opening to this area behind the shed, but I didn’t look up at her. After a few minutes, she came over to me and sat down next to me on the ground. She didn’t say a word, just sat there.

After several minutes I asked, “Why did I have to be born a misfit kid? Do they have an island for misfit kids, as they do for misfit toys?”

“The island of misfit toys is only make-believe, dear, and you are not a misfit.”

“Dad and Mom don’t want me, so yes, I am a misfit kid. I’m rejected just like the misfit toys were.”

Aunt Jessica smiled and squeezed, “Santa found all those toys new homes where they would be loved, just like Rudolf promised. I promise you, Suzy. You will get through this and have family and friends who love you as Suzy.”

I leaned my head onto Aunt Jessica and cried.

“I am sorry, Suzy. I’m sorry you have to go through this. No kid should ever feel rejected by their parents. Your grandparents, sister, and everyone in this house will love and support you no matter what. I know you only really want two people to love you. I think they will in time. Give them a chance.”

“I’ll just go back to being Lewis, and everything will go back to normal.”

“It’s too late for that now,” Aunt Jessica pointed out with a squeeze. “You have let Suzy out, and she can never really be put away again. We could pretend none of this ever happened, but everyone would know the truth. How we all interact with you will forever be impacted by that. I don’t want to forget Suzy. You are so alive. Much more than Lewis ever was. I am looking forward to seeing you grow up and become a beautiful woman. Even if you put on boy clothes and pretended to be a boy again, I would always see you as Suzy, treat you as Suzy, and love you as my niece.”

We sat there in silence for at least five minutes, if not much more. Eventually, I stopped crying and just sat there with my back against the shed, staring at the fence.

“Why did she mess up my life? It’s not fair.”

“Who, honey?”

“Grandma,” I said without looking at Aunt Jessica.

“She didn’t mess up your life, Suzy. She freed you from your prison.”

“But, if she never gave me that secret gift, Mom and Dad would still love me. I wouldn’t know what I was missing. I wouldn’t . . .”

“You wouldn’t be happy,” Aunt Jessica stated. “You wouldn’t be yourself. Over time you would fall further into yourself until you couldn’t handle it anymore. It is dangerous for that to happen to people. Grandma did the right thing. It may not seem like it right now, but she did.”

“How can it be the right thing if Mom or Dad no longer loves me, or if Dad wants to beat me up? Never being Suzy again has to fix this; it just has to. I . . I can’t lose Mom and Dad. I can’t lose Jilly,” I broke down into tears again.

“Your Mom and Dad still love you, Suzy. They are just struggling with the concept of losing a son and gaining a daughter,” Aunt Jessica squeezed me. “But I think we need to go inside right now, you’re shivering, and we are both wet from sitting in this snow.”

When we got in the house, I was attacked by hug monster Jilly, “You okay?”

Looking around the living room, Uncle Mike and Cousin Mary were sitting down on the couch, looking at me for answers without saying a word. Thankfully, Aunt Jessica took control.

“Suzy, go into Mary’s room and take a warm shower. Mary put on Rudolph's Shiny New Year for Jilly. I will make some Christmas Hot cocoa for everyone.”

I headed off to Mary’s room. Jilly wanted to come with me, but Aunt Jessica stopped her.

When I got out of the shower, I found two outfits on Mary’s bed. There was a pretty dress next to some jeans and a t-shirt. Wrapped in the towel, I stood there looking at the two options. I knew which one I wanted and which one I should put on. They weren’t the same.

After getting dressed in the jeans and t-shirt, I sat down at Mary’s vanity to comb my hair. Looking in the mirror, I saw a lie. I thought, ‘I am a boy named Lewis. I am a boy named Lewis. I am a boy named Lewis.’ Knowing that I would have to live with that lie for the rest of my life, a tear came down my face.

Getting up to go out to everyone, I noticed a doll on Mary’s dresser. Jilly had dressed it last night in a pretty Christmas Dress. She had complained to Mary that everyone deserves a good Christmas, and without a pretty dress, her doll wasn’t getting a good Christmas. I smiled at the Christmas doll. Mary’s question from earlier kept repeating in my head, ‘How can it be wrong to put on some clothes that Grandma gave you?’

I looked down at my outfit. With my hand on the doorknob, I stared at the doll. I just . . . I just couldn’t do it. I went back to the bed and put on the dress. Sitting at the vanity, I put hair into high pigtails with Christmas hair ties. They looked like little baby pigtails with how short my hair was, but definitely a girl hairstyle. Looking in the vanity mirror, I smiled. Looking at Mary’s nail polish supply, I wanted to do my nails in red and green, but I felt I was already pushing things by using her Christmas hair ties.

As I went to leave the room, I went over and kissed the doll on her forehead, “The Christmas spirit is strong in you, little one. Never lose it. I will enjoy this Christmas gift for every second I am allowed.”

Standing tall, I left the room. I skipped my way down the hall and right into the dining room, where Aunt Jessica was sitting down sipping some hot cocoa.

“Hi there, Suzy,” Aunt Jessica smiled as she looked at me. “You look happy.”

“I am,” I said as I took a mug of hot cocoa off the tray on the table. “I realized I am full of Christmas Magic, and if someone were going to destroy the magic, it wouldn’t be me.”

“Christmas Magic?”

“Well, Susan Anne Morris was born on Christmas day when I opened the secret gift and put on the dress. Since everyone born on Christmas is full of Christmas magic, that means I am too.”

“So true,” Aunt Jessica agreed.

“I also came to one big conclusion,” I said while looking at the items available to go in the hot cocoa. “Some Christmas toys break, but you can enjoy them until that happens. I am going to enjoy the gift of being myself until someone breaks it. But, Aunt Jessica, I will not be the one that breaks this Christmas gift. It’s too precious to me.”

“As it should be,” Aunt Jessica said with a smile.

“Thanks for letting me be me,” I said as I grabbed a mint chocolate candy and some mini marshmallows to put in my drink. “Mom and Dad may take away my Christmas present, but I would be the dumbest person on Earth if I took it away from myself. I need to enjoy it for every second until they take it away.”

Taking a candy cane as a stirring stick, I smiled at Aunt Jessica and headed off to the living room to watch Rudolph’s Shiny New Year with Jilly and Mary.

The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 5 Returning Home

Grandma’s car pulled into our driveway. My heart was racing, and if it weren’t for Jilly holding my hand, I would already be running away from the house. I know mom said it would be safe for me to come home, but I still don’t know if I can trust her. Grandma said Grandpa was at the house and would make sure Dad wasn’t there. That is the only reason I agreed to this, but Dad wasn’t my only problem. Mom didn’t want to beat me, but she didn’t want me to be Suzy.

“It will be okay, Suzy,” Jilly said, squeezing my hand. “Amanda and I will be right there with you to help.”

I looked and saw that I was hugging my doll Amanda tight. I knew I was too old for dolls, but I didn’t want to put her down.

With Jilly holding my hand and Amanda hugged in my other arm, we followed Grandma into the house.

“Hi Suzy and Jilly,” Mom said as we entered the house.

Mom hugged Jilly and tried to hug me, but I refused.

“Suzy,” Mom backed away from me. “Grandma and Grandpa helped me make some changes to your room. Why don’t you go down and see if you like it?”

Jilly was all excited about this and dragged me down the hall. I was sure it would be done up with a football or baseball theme. I didn’t want to see what I would be forced to live in.

Entering the room, I was surprised. The bed had a light purple bedspread with pink pillows. The curtains matched the bed, and some fuzzy pink and purple pillows were on the window seat. The bookcase was empty, and I didn’t see any boy things in the room. It looked nice.

“We didn’t get rid of anything,” Mom said, coming in behind us. Everything is in some tubs in the garage if you want any of it.”

“Probably won’t,” I quietly commented.

Grandpa came in with my new clothes and the books I got from Mary, “The closet and drawers are empty, so you have plenty of space to put all of this stuff.”

I looked at the closet, and it was indeed empty, just the hangers on the rods.

Grandma put the ballerina doll on top of my dresser, and I sat down on my bed. Looking at my Teddy, I picked her up, “Teddy, this is Amanda. Amanda, this is Teddy.”

“Are you going to tell Amanda your Teddy’s name,” Mom asked?

I looked at Mom with a strange look. I hadn’t called Teddy by her name for years. Dad and Mom never approved of the name I had given her. Looking at Mom, I saw that she was smiling at me.

“Amanda, meet Tammy,” I said before looking at Mom to see her reaction. I had always been told boys weren’t supposed to have girl stuffed animals, but Mom wasn’t complaining this time.

“You can do whatever you want with your room,” Mom said with what was obviously a fake smile. “I thought this would help show you that I am trying to accept this new you.”

“This isn’t a new thing,” Grandma pointed out. “I have seen Suzy’s girly girl side since she was a baby.”

No one said anything for a bit. Eventually, Mom broke the silence, “Suzy, because you only got one present for Christmas, there are now a few more gifts under the tree.”

“Presents!” Jilly shouted with glee.

“No, Jilly,” Mom explained. “These are just for Le . . . Suzy.”

“That’s okay,” Jill brushed off the correction. “Sisters share.”

The adults all laughed as we headed for the living room. I sat down on the couch, with Grandma on one side and Mom on the other. Jilly brought me gifts one at a time to open. Most of them were from Mom or Grandma, but a few were from Aunt Jessica and even a card from Cousin Mary.

I got some nail polish, lip gloss, necklaces, and bracelets. There were some books, all having girls as main characters, and a jewelry-making kit just like Mary got for Christmas. I kept looking over at Mom while I opened the presents. The more I showed my enjoyment of the gift, the more obvious that Mom was uncomfortable with all of this. I kept telling myself that I would not break this Christmas gift. I opened a card from Cousin Mary, and I froze. Inside was a picture she printed. It was her 1st-grade school picture, but she had replaced her face with one of me when I was five or six.

“What? How?” Mom was confused.

“I remember that picture,” Grandma said. “Why’d Mary do that?”

“Suzy,” Jilly commented. “You were cute as a little girl.”

“I loved that outfit,” I said, looking down at the picture. “I so wanted to wear it when I was little. From the hair ribbons to the shoes.”

“You did,” Jilly stated. “See, there’s a picture of you as a little girl wearing it. Why didn’t I know about Suzy back then?”

I smiled at Jilly, “You were a little one-year-old baby when that picture was taken, and I didn’t get to wear the dress. Mary just did a cut-and-paste job onto her picture. Not even a good job, but I love it.”

“You were five when Mary wore that dress,” Mom commented, as I could see her processing all of this. “You remember that?”

“I didn’t understand why the other girls got these wonderful outfits for picture day, and I didn’t,” I said, staring down at the picture. “Mary always had these amazing dresses for Picture Day. That yellow one was probably my favorite.”

“Mommy,” Jilly asked? “Why are you crying?”

I looked over at Mom, and a single tear was coming down her face.

“I didn’t want to believe you were a girl,” Mom looked right into my eyes. “I kept telling myself that you would grow out of it. It was just a phase. You came home that day telling me all about Mary’s dress and asked lots of questions about why you didn’t get a pretty dress like Mary’s for picture day.”

Mom took my two hands and continued, “You tried hard to convince me then that you were a girl, but all I would do was correct you and explain that you were a boy and boys don’t wear dresses. I figured you were just a confused little kid that didn’t know the difference between girls and boys. You were so mad at me for days after that. Then, whenever Mary wore that dress, and you saw it, you got mad at me again. How . . . how was I supposed to know you weren’t confused, and we were the ones getting it wrong.”

The room was silent for at least a minute.

“I’m sorry, Suzy,” Mom got out before more tears fell.

I hugged Mom.

Jilly picked up the picture and looked at it, “It sure looks like you got to wear the dress. That’s not you?”

I smiled over at Jill, “No, it’s not. Mary just used the computer to cut my face out of one picture and stick it over her face on this picture. Was she on her computer when I was taking my shower?”

“Yeah.”

“That must be when she did it then,” I explained. “Cool trick. I wish I had thought of doing it. I couldn’t figure out how to hide a dress, but I could have hidden those.”

“Suzy,” Grandma inquired? “What pictures would you have put your face on?”

“Ones of Jilly and Mary on Christmas, Easter, and picture days. Those are when they wore the best outfits and had their hair done really nice.”

Grandma looked at Mom, “You wanted to know what type of girl she is. That tells me she isn’t just a girl. She’s a girly-girl.”

I looked at Mom and Grandma, trying to figure out what Grandma was saying. After a few moments, Grandma got out her phone and started tapping away on it. Jilly didn’t appear to pick up on any of this and brought over the last present.

“Open it. Open it,” Jill said with excitement.

It was a science kit for making Bath Bombs. This fascinated Jilly, who loved Bath Bombs, especially when they had a toy inside.

As Jilly examined the box, I looked over at Grandma. She was still focused on her phone and typing things into it.

“Nope,” Grandma finally said, looking up from the phone. “The Nutcracker ended just before Christmas, and Swan Lake doesn’t start until February.”

Grandma went back to her phone, tapping away.

“What’s she doing,” Jill asked?

“Looking up Ballet’s by the sound of it,” Mom answered, looking at Grandma.

“I don’t want to take ballet again,” Jill stated. “I like Gymnastics much better.”

“I’d like to,” I said softly.

“You would,” Mom asked?

“Have wanted to since before Jilly started when she was four,” I barely said above a whisper.

Mom looked right at me. She didn’t say a word, but she didn’t show a negative reaction. I viewed this as a positive.

With all the presents open, Jilly started up Polly Pop Race. I joined her, but this time I picked the Sally character, a girl with pigtails and wearing a pink and purple outfit. After two races, I went back to my room to put my new clothes away.

Alone in my room, I wasn’t sure what to think of all of this. The Christmas Wish I have made every year since I was five has finally come true, but I may lose Dad because of it. Mom doesn’t like me as a girl, but she’s pretending she is okay with it. No one has talked about school next week, but I’m sure they will come up with some excuse for why I can’t dress this way at school. What in the world was I doing?

Hanging up my dresses, I smiled and ran my hand over the fabric. Turning back to the suitcase on my bed, I looked at Tammy and Amanda, “Today I am the girl I have known I was. Will the magic end? It always does in the movies; with Cinderella, the clock struck twelve, and in Peter Pan, you couldn’t fly unless you had happy thoughts. Yeah, Yeah, I know Tammy. Unhappy thoughts keep getting in my head.”

The next dress I went to put away was the most frilly in the collection. It had layers of puffy skirts, frilly shoulder straps, and little flowers all over the chest. A huge smile grew on my face as I took it out of the suitcase.

Looking over at Teddy and my Amanda doll on the bed, “You want me to have happy thoughts? This should help.”

I got undressed and put on the fancy party dress. I couldn’t get the zipper in the back no matter how hard I tried. Not worrying about that for now, I put on some white tights and the black Mary Jane shoes. Looking in my mirror, I smiled. I sat down on my bed and put on my glittery purple nail polish. When that was done, I just had to get the dress zipped up.

“Mo. . .” I stopped myself. Maybe Mom wasn’t the best person to help me. “Grandma. Grandma, can you come here please.”

Grandma walked into the room a few minutes later, “Oh my. You look beautiful.”

I blushed, “I can’t get the stupid zipper in the back.”

“Here, turn around, and I’ll get that.”

I let Grandma zip me up. When I turned around to thank her, I noticed Mom in the doorway.

“That certainly is a fancy dress,” Mom stated. “Are you planning on going out to a party?”

“No,” I stared at Mom, trying to figure out if she was mad or not. “I needed something to give me happy thoughts, and I figured wearing this would help.”

Grandma looked at Mom, and then turning back to me, she took me into a big hug, “You are a wonderful girl Suzy.”

“What unhappy thoughts were you trying to get rid of,” Mom hesitantly asked?

“That I will never get a chance to wear any of these clothes, that you and Dad will never love me again, and that Dad is right, I deserve a whipping for telling everyone the truth about me,” tears started down my face. “That the magic will end at midnight, and I will turn into the ugly boy everyone thinks I am.”

“Oh, Lewis,” Mom said, coming over and hugging me. “Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll see. It will be okay, baby.”

“Will it,” Grandma immediately asked as I stood limp in Mom’s embrace? “How is she supposed to believe that? Her dad won’t be in the same house as her and you . . . you lie right to her face. Ellen, if you want Suzy to believe what you are saying, you will need to start calling her by her preferred name, stop wincing whenever she shows her likes and interests, and listen to what she is trying to tell you.”

Mom stepped back and looked, “I love you . . . Suzy. I really do. I’m . . . I can’t . . . I just was not prepared for all of this.”

Mom sat down on my bed, “Two days ago, I had a son, and now you’re my daughter. I was just starting to understand this when you opened that picture. You . . . You were never a boy, were you?”

Not looking at Mom, I went over and looked at the ballerina doll on my dresser, “No. Just wearing a boy costume that you forced me to wear.”

The room was silent.

“Just tell me where the stupid boy clothes are, and I will change,” I said, putting the doll in a sitting position and fluffing her dress.

“Ellen,” Grandma asked? “Is that what you want? You want Suzy to put on a costume and pretend to be someone else?”

“No,” Mom answered.

I kept looking at the ballerina.

“I. . . I want my child to be happy.”

Not Suzy or her, no Mom said ‘my child’ instead. I closed my eyes as I felt a tear coming down my face.

“The two of you need to talk, really talk. I’ll be out with Jill. Take as much time as you need.”

Nothing was coming out of my mouth, but in my head, I was screaming, ‘Don’t go, Grandma! Don’t go! Don’t leave me in here with her. Please stay!’

Grandma put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her.

I couldn’t even look at Mom. How was I supposed to talk to her? I fiddled with the ballerina’s dress.

Eventually, Mom started talking. I wasn’t paying attention, but then she said something that caught my interest, “That was the first time you crawled and your first fight over a toy. You wanted Mary’s baby doll. You and Mary grew up together. You loved all of Mary’s toys, and with only being a year older, she still enjoyed your toys. At first, we didn’t think anything of it. Toys were toys, and kids played with toys. Your third birthday, however, was the tipping point. Your Aunt Jessica hosted the party because they had just moved into their house with a backyard, and we were living in an apartment. Your Dad and I made an effort to get you toys that were clearly for boys. By the end of the party, your new toys were being played with by the boy kids in attendance while you were off playing with Mary’s baby dolls and kitchen set. You even put a Princess dress-up costume on so you could have on a pretty dress like the other girls.”

I finally turned around and looked at Mom.

“We did everything we could to discourage your interest in girl things. We set up boy-only playdates and kept you away from girl things as much as possible. We wouldn’t even allow you to visit Mary at her house throughout your preschool years. She always came to our place instead. We were convinced that we had finally persuaded you that you were a boy and boys play with boy things, not girl things. Well, until Kindergarten school pictures. Once you saw Mary in that dress and all the other girls in their fancy school picture dresses, we knew we had failed,” Mom said, looking down at her hands in her lap.

I went over to the bed and sat down next to her. Taking one of her hands, I squeezed.

Looking right into my eyes, “I’m sorry, Suzy. We had it wrong. We thought we failed to teach you the difference between boys and girls when what we truly failed was to see our child was a little girl. You have been telling us since you started crawling and fought Mary for her baby doll. We refused to listen. We have tried to convince you that you were a boy for twelve years. You have repeatedly shown us that you are a girl.”

We sat there in silence for a bit. Eventually, Mom and I started talking to each other, really talking. We chatted for more than an hour before heading out to find the others. When Jilly saw me in the fancy dress, she went out to put one on herself. When she came out, she handed me a tiara. Looking down at her in her fancy dress wearing her tiara, I took the one she gave me and put it on.

“That I need a picture of,” Mom said as she went off to get her phone.

Jill gave me a big hug and then took my hand as we stood there waiting for Mom.

“Smile,” Mom said. “My two Christmas Princesses.”

The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 6 Dad

“Dr. Carol, I have been wearing dresses for a week now. I would love to keep wearing them, but you’re not going to let me, are you?”

“The testing clearly shows that you are a transgender girl,” Dr. Carol stated with a sad expression. “But, you are right. I am going to limit your dress-wearing. Hear me out, please, Suzy. I have sent in a prescription for blockers to stop your male puberty. Fortunately, it hadn’t kicked in too much yet. I will support you wearing whatever clothes you want at home and in the community, except at school. They want more than one appointment before a doctor can say the child can come to school in the opposite gender. I know you want this to go fast but getting society to accept you as female isn’t going to happen quickly.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I agree with you, but just because you still have to be Lewis at school, that doesn’t mean you have to be Lewis at other times. And, I’ll let you in on a little secret, some girls' clothes have a gender-neutral look.”

“What good does that do me?”

“You have to be a kid named Lewis at school for at least the rest of this school year. You can’t wear dresses and skirts to school, but no one said anything about other girl clothes. As long as you wear girl clothes that don’t scream girl, no one will know or complain. I also can’t stop you from telling your friends the truth. We have talked about the consequences of you going public with this. Your parents and I could try to tell you not to do it, but I learned a long time ago that we have no real power to stop you. So, now I will just give you all the information, the positive and negatives, and we will support you in your decision. You’re not a little kid anymore, so you get to make some of these decisions.”

There it was again. I wasn’t so sure this big-kid thing was all that great any longer. There definitely were some advantages to being a little kid.

“Suzy,” Dr. Carol continued. “You already know all too well that not everyone will accept you as a girl, especially if they knew you as a boy.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah,” Dr. Carol confirmed. “He still refuses to accept you as a girl. I have an appointment with him later today to explain the results of this evaluation and the decisions that were made.”

“Should I just go back to being Lewis? Will he come back then?”

“We’ve talked about this, Suzy. There are consequences to every action you take. Yes, pretending to be a boy may get your dad back, but are you prepared to deal with the other consequences of that action? Based on what your mom said, he would push the boy activities on you and probably keep you away from playing with Jilly and Mary. Those are just the things we can speculate he would do based upon his previous actions. We suspect he would push other issues too. Based upon what you have said, that is not what you want. Currently, Suzy, there is no way to get everything.”

We sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“It’s not fair,” I said, looking over at the two dolls on the couch next to me. One was a boy, and one was a girl.

“When there are negatives for both decisions, the best you can do is go with the one that you are the most comfortable with. I’ll ask you again. If no one would complain about your decision, which one would you be?”

I grabbed the girl doll.

“Which one are you on the inside?”

I immediately grabbed the girl doll, “I am Suzy, even if I have to go back to pretending to be Lewis.”

“Remember that,” Dr. Carol remarked with a smile. “Others can force you to present one way or the other. You can choose to present however you want, but who you are on the inside will never change.”

I hugged the girl doll and smiled at the doctor.

“Doc,” I hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Can I ask you some questions?”

“Sure, I told you that you can ask or tell me anything.”

“The testing you did said I was a girl on the inside?”

“It certainly did.”

“If I want to be that girl on the outside, why does it have to be so hard?”

“Oh, Suzy, I am so sorry. I wish it were easier. It would be nice if all you had to do was put on a dress and be yourself, but that is not how the world works. A doctor declared you a boy at birth, and now it is a long and painful process to change that. You found the first pain being your dad rejecting you.”

“But, you’re a doctor. Can’t you just declare me a girl and everything be okay?”

“I will declare you a girl, but that won’t eliminate your problems. It will also take time to convince others that you are a girl.”

We talked some more before Mom was called back in for the last time. An appointment was made to meet with the therapist in two weeks, and I would see Dr. Carol again in one month.

“Mom,” I asked as we drove home? “Will Dad ever come home?”

Mom just kept driving without saying a word.

“I have to stop being Suzy for that to happen, don’t I?”

Again, no answer from mom.

“I miss him, and Jilly really misses him a lot.”

“I know, sweety. I know,” Mom replied. “I have told him that every time I talk to him.”

When we got home, I sat down on the living room couch. Jill tried to get me to play with her, but I ignored her. Finally, Jill just got down on the floor, coloring in one of the coloring books she got for Christmas. Grandma came over and sat down next to me. I snuggled up against her, looking at the Christmas tree.

“Doctor said I have to be a boy at school,” I said without taking my eyes off the tree.

“And how do you feel about that,” Grandma asked?

“I don’t know. If I get to be Suzy at home, I don’t understand why I can’t be Suzy at school. Maybe Dad will be happy that I am forced to pretend I’m a boy most of the day.”

“That isn’t going to make any difference Suzy,” Grandma squeezed me. “Your dad doesn’t want you to be a girl at any time. You pretending to be a boy for part of the day isn’t going to help.”

We sat there in silence for a bit, “Doctor says I can wear girl clothes and still look like a boy.”

“Easy enough to do if you pick the clothes carefully. Do you want some help going through your clothes to find some school outfits?”

Staring up at the star at the top of the tree, “That would be better than getting out the boy clothes in the garage.”

“Come on,” Grandma stood the two of us up. “Let’s go do that now. You have worn dresses every day, but I know you have some other stuff to wear.”

Before going down to my room, I went over to the Santa snow globe. I wound it up and shook it. Listening to the music, I closed my eyes, repeating an action I had done at least once every day since returning home.

“You just made a wish, didn’t you,” Grandma asked? “What did you wish for?”

“Oh nothing,” I said as I turned around and started heading for my room. “Let’s go find some outfits I can wear to school.”

“She wished for Daddy to love her as Suzy,” Jilly said from her coloring position on the floor. “She is hoping Santa’s Christmas magic combined with hers will get Daddy back.”

Coming over and hugging me, “Is that true, Suzy?”

“Figured it couldn’t hurt to try.”

Grandma smiled, “It never hurts to wish on Christmas Magic. Wish away Suzy, wish away.”

Grandma and I went down to my room and started going through all my clothes. We came up with five pairs of pants that weren’t too girly. Tops, however, were harder to find.

“If I tell the kids at school the truth, I could wear some of these tops. They’re girly but not too girly. But, the doctor doesn’t think I should tell anyone, except maybe my closest friends.”

“The doctor may have a point there. Tell you what, tomorrow we can go shopping for girl tops that are more gender-neutral. I’m sure we can get all your friends thinking you are in a Tom Boy stage at school.”

I gave Grandma a weak smile, “Thanks.”

“Suzy,” Mom said, coming into my room. “Grandpa’s back, so Grandma needs to go.”

Waking up in the morning, I smiled as I looked around my bedroom. Dolls, jewelry, cute and fuzzy pillows, along with all the dresses, made it very clear this was a girl’s bedroom. My bedroom! I never thought I would ever have a girl's bedroom. I frowned when I realized that tomorrow, I would have to go back to school and be Lewis again.

I hugged my teddy bear, “Tammy, coming back to this room every day will make tolerating school dressed up as a boy a lot easier.”

I got up and went over to my closet, “Tomorrow, I can’t wear a dress. Yes, Tammy, dresses are so much better than other clothing. I think I will wear this one today.”

After getting dressed, I tucked Tammy and Amanda in so they could go back to sleep. Then I headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

“Morning, Suzy,” Mom said as she brought a cereal box over to the table. “Another dress, I see. You do know that most girls nowadays don’t wear dresses every day?”

“I like them,” I said as I took the cereal and poured some into my bowl. “And if I will never get to wear them again, I might as well enjoy them while I can.”

Mom came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, “I’ve said you could be yourself. The doctor has said you are a girl and can be yourself. No one is going to take away your dresses.”

“As soon as Dad comes back, they will be gone. He’ll never accept me as Suzy. To him, I will always be Lewis.”

“Your grandparents and I have told him that he is not welcome back in the house until he does accept the truth that you are a girl. Your dresses are safe.”

I didn’t believe her for a second, so I stuck a spoon of cereal in my mouth to avoid saying something I would regret.

“Morning, Mommy. Morning, Suzy,” Jill said as she came into the room, holding on tight to her stuffed koala bear Rosie.

“Morning,” Mom and I said together.

“Daddy coming back today,” Jill asked as she grabbed the cereal box? She had asked that every morning since he left.

Mom squeezed me for a second and then went over to Jill, “Princess, we don’t know when Daddy is coming back. He misses you, but he’s not ready to come back yet.”

Jilly looked over at me. I had seen that sad smile every morning, and it ripped at my heart. She says she doesn’t blame me, but I have trouble believing that when she looks at me that way. Looking at Rosie in her lap, I was concerned. Before Christmas, Rosie spent breakfast on the table next to Jilly and was usually only carried around the house at night and early morning. She is now spending a lot more time being hugged by Jilly throughout the day. When I ask Jilly if I should go back to being Lewis so Daddy would come back, she always says, no. The truth will come out someday, and I fear what that will be.

“What are we doing today,” Jill asked between bites?

“I have to go to work,” Mom said, kissing Jilly on her head and going over to the counter to get her coffee mug. “Grandma and Grandpa are watching you today. I know they are taking Suzy shopping for some school clothes, but I don’t know what else they have planned.”

“I want to go sledding,” Jill declared.

“You will have to ask Grandma and Grandpa,” Mom said, sitting down at the table and smiling at Jilly and me. “Listen, you two. It is the last day of Christmas break, and then things go back to a more normal routine. I want you on your best behavior today. We have leaned on Grandma and Grandpa a lot this last week, so I want you to be extra special good for them today. And no talking them into buying you things. The shopping trip is for Suzy to get some school clothes, and that is it.”

“Yes, Mom,” I responded before looking over at Jilly.

Swallowing her food, Jilly added, “Yes, Mommy.”

After taking a few bites, I looked up at Mom, “Can I get a new coat?”

“What’s wrong with your coat?”

I hesitated, “It’s a boy’s coat.”

“Oh,” Mom said. Looking at her coffee and then up at me, “I don’t know Suzy. I understand why you want a new coat, but we will be short on funds to pay all the bills this month. I can afford for you to get some new school clothes, but coats are expensive. Let’s just stick with the coat you have for this winter since you have to be Lewis at school.”

Money was suddenly an issue in the house. Jilly didn’t seem to understand, but I knew Mom was trying to figure out how to pay all the bills without Dad’s paycheck. I heard her telling Grandpa that she wasn’t sure how she would pay this thing called a mortgage if Dad didn’t come back. Mom was preparing for Dad never coming back, all because of me.

Feeling tears coming, I got up and left my cereal half-eaten. I didn’t want Jilly and Mom to see me crying. By the time I plopped down on my bed, the tears were coming down. When Mom came in, I was curled up on my bed, hugging my teddy.

Mom sat down on my bed and started rubbing my back, “If a new coat means that much to you, I’ll find the money somewhere to get you one.”

“It’s all my fault,” I got out through the sobs. “If I hadn’t put on that dress, we would have enough money for things. We would have Dad. We . . . we . . . we wouldn’t have to move.”

“You heard that? Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“Are you and Daddy getting a divorce?”

Mom didn’t say anything at first, “No, but we’ve talked about living apart.”

Through my tears, I got out, “Because of me?”

“No, we love you, Suzy. Your Dad and I are just not agreeing on some things at the moment.”

“Me?”

Mom continued to rub my back in silence for a bit, “I love you dearly Suzy. Dad does too. He is just having a hard time adjusting to you being a girl. We decided that he couldn’t live here or see you two until he accepted you. Hopefully, he will come around after listening to what the doctor says, but if he doesn’t, this separation will be more permanent.”

Curled up on my bed, I cried. Mom tried to make me feel better, but it didn’t help. Jilly, at one point, came to the room, and Mom sent her off to play. When Grandma showed up, Mom explained the situation. Grandma took over, rubbing my back so mom could go off to work. Dad wasn’t ever coming back, and it was all my fault. I wasn’t sure how to live with that. Eventually, I stopped crying.

“You want to talk about it,” Grandma asked as I sat up, hugging Tammy tight?

“Not really,” I replied without looking at her. “Not anything to talk about. I caused Mom and Dad to break up. I caused Dad to stay away from us. I’m causing Jilly to need Rosie all the time. I’m . . .”

“Stop right there, young lady,” Grandma forcefully interrupted. “If anyone is to blame, it is my son, your dad. If you don’t want to blame him when he is clearly the one causing all these problems, blame me. I raised him and taught him how to behave and respond to things. Somewhere I screwed up, for when I gave you a Christmas present that was your dearest Christmas wish, I never expected him to react the way he did. I screwed up by not pushing this issue years ago. If you can’t blame your dad, blame me, but you are not to blame for any of this.”

I hugged her, “I could never blame you Grandma. I’ve never received a better Christmas present in my life. You gave me Christmas magic, and . . . and gave me the courage to let others know I was a girl.”

“You’re such a special girl Suzy. None of this is your fault. If you can’t blame me, there is only one person left to blame, your dad.”

I thought about that.

When we finally went out into the living room, we found Grandpa and Jilly playing The Happy Little Unicorn board game.

“Do you want some breakfast while they finish that up,” Grandma asked? “Your mom said you didn’t finish your cereal.”

By the time I finished eating, the game was done. Before we headed out shopping and sledding, I went over to the Santa Snow Globe, wound it up, and made my wish while listening to the music.

We went shopping first. It wasn’t easy to get gender-neutral tops, but we found some. We went by the coats on our way out of the girl's department. I slowed down to look them all over. I just had to feel this purple one with fuzzy stuff at the end of the sleeves and around the hood. Grandma noticed and came back to me.

She let me look it over in silence before saying anything, “It’s a lovely coat.”

“Sure is,” I said without looking up.

“Have you gotten a girl coat yet,” Grandma asked? “I know you wanted one.”

“No, mom can’t afford to get me a new coat.”

Grandma looked at me and then at the coats, “Your father can, though. We will get it, and I will make him pay me back. As I remember correctly, you wanted a complete winter gear collection. Go ahead, pick some out; coat, snow pants, boots, and gloves.”

“But Grandma . . .”

“No Suzy,” Grandma corrected. “Your dad may not accept you, but he will support you whether he likes it or not. So far, he has bought you a doll and now some winter gear. I will make sure that he knows that he got you some very girly things.”

I chuckled, “Grandma, he’s not going to like that.”

“I know. That’s why they are the best things for your dad to pay for,” Grandma said with a smile.

I got that purple coat and a pair of snow pants that matched. I picked out a pair of gloves and some snow boots. Jilly tried to convince me to get a pair of boots with Princesses on them. She seems to think everything is better if it has Disney Princesses or a unicorn. I am glad they didn’t have any in my shoe size, for if they did, I suspect she would have turned on her cute little eight-year-old girl charm and persuaded Grandma to get them for me.

With my new snow gear on, we went sledding down the hill in Jacobs Park. At the top of the hill, Grandpa helped us by giving us a push, so we went faster down the hill. Grandma was at the bottom of the hill cheering us on while she stayed warm drinking hot cocoa out of a thermos. I don’t know how many times we went down the hill, but we had a lot of fun. Jilly liked it the most when the two of us raced down the hill. When Grandpa started to get cold, we left to go home for lunch.

Walking into the house, I heard the music playing from the Santa Snow Globe. Looking into the living room, I saw Dad standing there shaking the Snow Globe.

“Daddy,” Jilly screamed the moment she saw him. Within seconds, she was giving him a big hug.

I stood there frozen in my tracks.

“Hi, Suzy. You look quite beautiful today,” Dad said with a smile, as he held his arms open wanting a hug

A tear came down my face, “Daddy.”