The Joiners pt 2.
by
Angharad.

Cary put his bike away in the garage part of the outbuildings shut the door and walked into the house. "What did you have for lunch?" asked his mum.

"Cottage pie, why?"

"I just wondered, it's chicken casserole for dinner." He nodded and smiled, he loved his mother's cooking and her casseroles were always a tasty treat. "I didn't know you could sing like that?" she added.

"Like what?" he felt his colour rising and it had nothing to do with his recent exercise.

"Like you did at the Copperthwaites."

"Oh that was just fooling around." He tried to dismiss it and moved towards the stairs.

"Macey said you'd sung several songs and you sounded just like Karen Carpenter."

"She's exaggerating and I expect it's because our name is Carpenter, she just confused things, you know what she's like?"

"I do, but I heard and saw it myself and it was you singing and you did sound remarkably like our namesake."

"I don't think so." He shook his head to reinforce his denial and blushed profusely.

"Well, since she sent me the clip, I've listened to it half a dozen times and also to the same track by Karen Carpenter, there's hardly any difference at all, you have even captured the nuance in her singing and her accent."

"How can you say that listening to something on your phone and to a CD? They'd be nowhere hear the same in quality to start with let alone anything else." He moved towards the stairs, I'll be up in my room." He ran up the stairs and was about to turn into his room when he nearly knocked over his big sister.

"Well, if it isn't Karen Carpenter in person," she said making him wince, "Can I have your autograph, Miss Carpenter?"

"Oh, knock it off, Tara. That joke is growing old very fast." He pushed past her into his room but she followed preventing him shutting her out and she closed the door behind her.

"What d'you want?" he asked slouching in the chair at his computer desk.

"I want to put a proposition to you."

"If it's got anything to do with pretending to be Karen bloody Carpenter, I don't want to know."

"D'you realise how much money we could make?"

"I'm not interested in taking part in a drag act for all the tea in China."

"It won't be a drag act."

"Course it will, I'm a boy so dressing up as a girl is drag."

"No, that's where you're wrong, you see drag is a parody thing where men dress up as women to make fun of them and some people find it funny."

"Yeah, like that Irish tit who's on bloody telly all the time, Mrs Brown with five o'clock shadow."

"Yeah, that is so insulting to women and anyone Irish and about as funny as period pain," agreed his sister, but it was the only thing he thought they had in common apart their parents.

"Why don't you want to make some money?" she asked after a short pause.

"I don't object to making money but not by pretending I'm a girl."

"Okay, dress as a boy and do it."

"What? It's bad enough having a stupid girly voice without standing up and telling the world about it."

"That's why you need a disguise."

"No I don't, I don't want to do it."

"But you could get that new iPhone you wanted."

"Not that badly, I don't."

"Look, we know you can sing like KC how about we see if you could look like her?"

"What for? I don't want to do it."

"Why? What d'you think wearing a dress for five minutes is going to do to you?"

"Nothing, because I'm not going to do it."

"Tell you what, if you do it I'll get Macey Copperthwaite to go out with you."

He savoured the idea of going out with an older girl, that would do his credibility the world of good. That would be very uplifting amongst his peer group, the nerd who had an older, very pretty and very sexy girlfriend. He almost wavered until he then thought of what would happen to his credibility if his mates found out he dressed up like a girl and sang like one. "Uh, no."

"Did you know she quite likes you?"

"Don't be daft, she wouldn't be seen dead with me."

"Did she spend time with you today?"

"You know she did but only because it was raining and we couldn't go off on our bikes and she needed some help to set up her karaoke machine."

" She takes computers apart and rebuilds them for fun, so I rather think a simple karaoke machine would be a piece of cake, don't you?"

"I dunno do I? I only know she's Colm's sister and he's like my best mate."

"Well, she does quite like you and I could sort of put a word in for you being her bestie."

"Sure put a word in for me if you like but I'm not wearing a dress."

"No, not to date her, dopey, just try one on after dinner and if you don't look like a girl, we'll scrap the whole idea."

"Hang on a moment, if, and I mean a very big if, we were to do this Carpenter's tribute thing and Colm played the piano, what are you and Macey going to do?"

"You'd need a few more musicians and we both play in the school orchestra so know kids who could help make up the band, you could play the drums yourself like Karen did in the early days. You'd also need help to dress and so on plus someone would need to organise things like booking the gigs, so I'd be like your manager and wardrobe mistress."

He smirked at her and shook his head, "So you'll get all these people to help us put together a set, and you think a couple of boys are going to rehearse to back a boy singing like a girl and who would dress up like one at the concerts? I don't think so, and it would be all over the school in a couple of days and my life would be in ruins. No way, Josephine."

"You're mixing things up there, it's no way Jose and not tonight Josephine. You'd have to pretend you were a girl at the rehearsals and with a bit of makeup and something done to your hair, they wouldn't recognise you."

"What are you, stupid or something? Of course they'd recognise me, especially if they saw you or Colm there with me."

"I'll bet they wouldn't."

"You just don't get it do you?" he said shaking his head at her. "All you can see is pound signs."

"No, I think it would be good for a laugh too."

"Yeah, a laugh for everyone at my expense."

"Look, just listen to this," she'd got the recording from Macey and Cary listened to it for the first time. He was quite surprised that it did sound remarkably like Karen Carpenter. "It's pretty good, isn't it and it does sound like her, doesn't it?"

"Superficially, yeah."

"It's better than superficially, Mum couldn't believe how good you were. Now I reckon if you looked a bit like her, and you do already, I think people would pay to hear you sing."

"I don't but it's all irrelevant anyway."

"You want to bet on that?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I don't."

"I've got twenty quid that says I could get people to listen to you singing as Karen Carpenter."

"I can't take your money, Tara."

"You won't, I'll be taking yours."

"Not if I don't bet, you won't."

"How about, if you win I'll give you twenty quid and I'll never mention it again?"

He was sorely tempted but he didn't want to take her money, she had bit more than he did but she also spent it faster, usually on clothes. "I don't want your money, and I don't want your bet."

"Look, if I'm wrong I'll never mention it ever again, promise."

"How would you prove people wanted to listen to me singing?"

"I'd have to think about it, but I'm sure I could, all you'd have to do is turn up and sing to them and I bet they'd love it."

"But then they'd all know I have a girl's singing voice."

"Let me deal with that, you just have a couple or three songs, and if they don't want to listen to you, I'll never mention your singing again."

He was wavering, she could see that, she had to close the deal before he twigged what she was doing. "And I'll try and get Macey to go out with you." A smile flashed across his face, he was weakening, "Go on, you know you fancy her."

"Course I do, I'm not blind or dead."

"Come on, Mum's going to be calling us for dinner in a minute."

"Go on then, but only if Macey will go out with me."

"You can buy your cinema tickets, she will almost certainly agree to go with you."

They both went down to dinner with Cary wondering why Tara was grinning like a Cheshire cat and he was sure he'd missed something in the fine detail before they shook on the bet.

An hour after dinner Cary was up playing a computer game when Tara wandered into his room. "Right, we'll do a rehearsal tonight, a dress rehearsal. So get your arse into the shower."

"I'm busy," he turned back to his computer.

She pressed on his keypad and ended the game, "No you're not, go and shower and wash your hair and use conditioner."

"Why?"

"Cause, my soon to be temporary sister, Macey's coming around with her Karaoke machine and we're going to have a little practice with you singing in a dress."

"Not tonight, I don't feel like it."

"On are you?"

"On what?" he looked puzzled.

"On your period."

"Ha ha, very funny, not."

"Good because it can affect your voice, so go and shower and I'll bring some clothes for you to wear."

"Dad's not going to like it," Cary tried to involve his father, who probably wouldn't have noticed anyway.

"He's gone away," said Tara, "Something about a site meeting tomorrow at Worcester or somewhere.

"Nobody told me," huffed Cary.

"Like he's got to ask for your permission, has he?"

"Don't be stupid, but usually we all know when he's away. I mean, when he's away I'm sort of the man of the house, aren't I?"

"In your dreams," muttered Tara adding more audibly, "Not tonight, Josephine, or is it Karen?" she chuckled and almost pushed Cary into the bathroom. "Get showered, and don't forget..."

"I know, use conditioner." He shut the door firmly behind him and stripped off before getting in the shower.

Fifteen minutes later, after all sorts of objections, he was wearing a bra and panties courtesy of his sister. "I feel a right tit," he said shoving the sock into the empty cup of the bra.

"Nah, that's the left one, here shove this one in the right one." He ignored her except to roll his eyes and push the sock into the cup.

Another ten minutes and he was wearing a short dress over leggings with his feet shoved into some ballet pump type shoes and a towel wrapped turban like around his wet hair. He kept thinking that he must be crazy to do this and that there was no way he'd go outside the house looking like this.

Ten more minutes and Tara had put makeup on his face trying to explain what she was doing and why. She'd kept it light because none of the pictures of Karen Carpenter she'd seen showed her to be heavily made up, however, she had also decided that Carpenter's dress sense, or those advising her, was pants and that her recreation of the deceased singer using her brother, would be dressed very differently.

Looking at him, she thought he looked quite convincing, verging on cute, so with a bit more time and assessment, he would look pretty good as a young woman. Just when Cary thought he couldn't be any more embarrassed, Macey and her mother walked into his room. He didn't know where to look let alone what to say. "Mum's come to help you with your hair," said his best friend's sister and the object of his romantic intentions.

Diana Copperthwaite was a hairdresser and within two minutes she'd taken control of Cary's hair, she didn't admit that she had long wanted to have a play with it because it was so thick and luscious. She talked to Tara and Macey and also to Penny Carpenter, Cary's mother who'd joined the party in his room. It was his hair and head yet he was the only one not being consulted as Diana did things this way and asked opinions and then did it another way. Cary kept quiet hoping if he pretended this was a bad dream, he'd wake up to find it was.

"No, Mum, the object isn't to make Cary look like Karen Carpenter but to make him look like a real girl, possibly like Karen would appear if she were his age today," so said Macey and Tara agreed enthusiastically. Finally, his hair was sorted and when he saw himself in the long mirror on the landing at the top of the stairs, he nearly fell over. He looked like a girl and someone he'd be quite happy to date if he met her. He spent several minutes looking at his hair and his face and his attire. He felt like he was wearing an entire disguise, which in truth, he was. Then one thing drifted into his confused mind, how was he supposed to sing wearing all this stuff? He was about to find out.

They led him down the stairs and into the lounge where Colm was setting up the karaoke machine, he glanced round casually and asked, "When's Cary coming down, I could do with a good laugh." At that moment he was very lucky Cary didn't walk over and slap him hard. Actually he felt like punching him, but he didn't think it went with the new image.

"He's not coming, so we asked Carrie to sing instead."

"Oh, oh okay," said Colm, apparently not recognising his friend, and he handed the new girl the microphone. "Here, the words come up on the screen, choose which song you wanna sing and it starts a few seconds later." He then withdrew and Cary took the microphone with a slightly shaky hand. Colm didn't notice he was too busy checking out her tits and bum.

He picked Close to you as he couldn't remember singing it earlier that day."Why do birds suddenly appear..." After a rather shaky start he got into his groove and once again the voice of Karen Carpenter seemed to be resurrected and all the women stood there with mouths agape and Colm sat there still looking at the mystery girl's tits.

By the second song, Goodbye to love Tara and Macey were filming the performance on their phones and Colm was finally recognising who the mystery girl was and blushing as bright as the red light on the karaoke machine. We've only just begun, was the last of Cary's impromptu concert and one of the more technically difficult songs to sing successfully. They all clapped enthusiastically. He'd got over his self-consciousness and the clothes and makeup no longer felt as strange, whether he'd be able to do this outside somewhere was another matter, but he felt more confident now than he had before. However, in the full light of day he might reconsider, he only hoped he'd be able to do something with his hair when he went back to school.

The Joiners pt 3.
by
Angharad.
Colm wasn't sure what he felt. His best friend, who had always been a bit of a pretty boy, made a better than half decent looking girl, totty even. That was confusing, how can you fancy your mate? He gave a little shudder, then he examined her a bit more, yes her, because she sounded and looked like a girl, if a little nervous compared to his brash sister and Tara who were busy trying to turn Cary into Carrie watched by the two mothers, who were also chipping in.

He had never thought much about the difference between boys and girls just recognising it instinctively. He did what boys did naturally which was react to girls unfavourably until fairly recently when his hormones began raging. He never thought about his sister as anything other than his sister, generally a pain in the arse but occasionally useful. However, he had looked at and thought about Tara Carpenter on many occasions and he wouldn't like her to know what he was doing sometimes while he was thinking about her, and now it seemed she had a younger sister. No she has a younger brother, it's just Cary playing dressing up or the older girls playing with a full size Barbie doll, but he looked pretty real and when singing, he sounded just like the Carpenter woman who died long before they were born. Sometimes life was just too confusing.

"Well, I think you should wear dresses and skirts for the rest of the week, to get used to them and we'll help you look and act like a girl." Macey and Tara were laying down the law.

"What?" said Cary sounding more than ever like Carrie, "I'm only doing this to go out on a date with you," he said to Macey.

"I don't do dates with other girls, but we could go out as threesome tomorrow. There's some good sales on in town and it would get you practice in being a girl out in public."

"Yeah, good idea," agreed Tara.

"I don't want to be a girl, I'm only supposed to be doing this to sing some songs somewhere."

"Yeah, at the karaoke competition on Friday, so it's important no one recognises you as a boy, or which boy."

"I think a shopping expedition would be a very good way to get some confidence in looking and acting like a girl and you could do with some makeup of your own and perhaps some underwear," now Penny Carpenter was adding her two-penn'orth to the argument and Cary wasn't sure he approved.

"But, Mum, I don't want someone recognising me in town, all the girls from school will be there, they hang out there all the time," he protested.

"Well, if I come too, I'm sure that with Tara and Macey, we'll be able to monitor anything that's going on and deal with it before it happens. All you have to do is act natural and no one will notice, you certainly look the part and Tara and I can sort out your hair for you like Diana has done it, it looks so different from your normal unkempt style and every girl needs her own makeup and undies. It's not nice using someone else's, even your sister's."

The rest of the evening went by in a blur and Cary was surprised he slept at all, but somehow he did albeit in one of Tara's old nightdresses. It was surprisingly comfortable and it did remind him to sit when he went for a wee.

The next morning his mother made him eat some toast and cereal and drink something. He thought he'd be sick but it stayed down. He was washed and processed by Tara and his mother, sit here, wear this, no do it like this not that. He had some sympathy for army recruits because they couldn't possibly have any more orders about what to do than he was getting.

His hair felt funny, he had all sorts of things done to it and it was sprayed with stuff that made it sticky and stiff. He reckoned if he went out in a hurricane all his clothes would blow off but not a hair on his head would move. He visualised it happening and being left in only his bra and pants. His bra and pants? They hadn't bought him any yet and he wasn't sure he liked the idea, but they would fit because his mother had measured him all ways, though he hoped he wouldn't have to try anything on, especially a bra. The thought nearly made him faint off.

Tara did his makeup and told him to watch what she did so he could tidy it up if necessary. He dutifully watched but couldn't see him ever having to do so. "Where would I be likely to do that?" he asked.

"When we go to the loo after we eat or drink anything."

"I could get arrested for that and besides, I don't think I'll feel very hungry or thirsty."

"Just do what we say and you'll be all right, besides we always go to the loo in pairs or groups, so you'll be okay."

That wasn't quite as reassuring to him as Tara thought it should be and he didn't fancy being on the receiving end of some angry woman's opinion on women only spaces, not that he'd have any ulterior motive in being there in the first place but he could hardly go in the gents to deal with a call of nature looking like he did.

Tara virtually had to drag him from the car in the municipal car park, fortunately there was no one about and he stood trembling holding onto one of her spare handbags while his mother locked the car. She put an arm through his and her other linked to Tara's arm as they set off towards the shops. "This is nice, shopping with my two girls."

"Yes it is, Mum, isn't it, Carrie?" replied Tara.

"If you say so," he said so quietly only a bat could have heard it.

"Just talk normally, you have a very light voice anyway," urged his mother.

"Okay," he said a bit louder before he nearly froze when one of his sister's friends approached.

"Hi, Chloe," said Tara greeting her friend.

"Hi Tar, Mrs Carpenter. Who's this," she said looking at a blushing Cary.

"Oh it's my cousin Carrie, haven't you met her before, she's staying with us for half-term."

Cary nodded to the girl and smiled, he had noticed that girls seem to smile more than boys, who would just grunt at each other unless they had something of vital importance to say, whereas girls talk more and laugh and giggle more. He felt terrified but survived meeting Chloe. It could have been worse, it could have been one of his friends. As he thought this, he saw one of his classmates wander up towards him. He turned suddenly to look in the window of a dress shop almost yanking his mother off her feet.

"Carrie, please say next time you want to stop, you nearly had me over."

"Sorry but that boy coming towards us is in my class," he watched what was happening through the reflection in the window. He nearly died when the boy stopped behind them.

"Hi Tara, where's that idiot brother of yours?"

"He's away with my dad and he may be an idiot but he's twice as bright as you," Tara threw back at the boy.

"Who's your friend?" he nodded towards Cary.

"My cousin, Carrie." She nudged Cary, "Say hello to him, he's friend of Cary's."

"Hi," said Cary blushing.

"Hi," said the boy also blushing. "How long you staying, with Tara, I mean?" he asked.

"Just for half term," Cary managed to say looking down at the pavement.

"If you need someone to show you round, get your cousin to give me a shout, see ya." He walked off just when Cary thought he was about to have a stroke.

"See, no one recognised you," said Tara squeezing his arm. "Relax and enjoy yourself, it's going to be fun."

"If I don't have a heart attack," he said back in his normal voice which was breathier than usual through stress, "besides you don't have a gale blowing up your nether parts," he complained as Tara had trousers on as did his mother.

"Just enjoy the novelty," whispered his mother, "Ah, here comes Macey. Our little party is now complete. Right ladies, where shall we go first?"

He almost did relax until he had to try on two bras then he felt terrified even when Tara went into the cubicle with him. Then he got hot and bothered as he stripped off without messing up his hair and tried on the two items, which Tara adjusted and fixed behind him. "You'll have to learn how to do this yourself," she whispered, "but it'll be good practice for when you have girlfriends."

"Not sure I want them to know why I'm proficient at putting bras on and off," he quipped back. With the socks as stuffing both bras fitted he noticed they were a 30A, though quite what it meant he wasn't sure.

"You're nice and slim so an A cup is about right for you. Any bigger and you'd look top-heavy and attract more attention from boys."

"Let's get these then," he said pulling the skirt and top back on and then the jacket Tara had loaned him.

"Handbag," said Tara as he went to depart the cubicle nearly leaving the item behind.

Knickers and tights then a nightdress were acquired and they moved on to other shops, where he had to try on shoes, though why he needed two pairs he couldn't say, especially as the one pair of grey shoes had two inch heels. He walked okay, but they weren't as comfy as the flat black ones.

"Why do I need two pairs? he asked Tara.

"The heels are for your performance, the other pair are for when you go back to school."

"Oh, right. What?" he gasped and she snorted with laughter. "Bitch," he hissed at her though she was still laughing.

They had lunch at a cafe in one of the side streets which was more upmarket than the places frequented by teens unless parents were paying. Cary thought it was unusual to eat out unless his dad took them out for Sunday lunch, which they did about once a month.

"I'm not very hungry, Mummy," said Cary not realising he'd spoken to his mother like a girl would. Tara noticed and winked at Macey who had also spotted it.

"You've got to eat something, girl," said his mother, "we've still got loads to do."

"Why? We got my new undies."

"We've still got to look for your makeup and a dress for your competition."

"A dress? Why can't I borrow one of Tara's."

"Because you should have one of your own."

He couldn't see the logic in that but he knew protest would be in vain, so he shut up.

"I'm going to have a jacket potato, what about having one of those, Carrie."

"Okay," he sighed, "I'll have tuna mayo," his mother nodded. In the end they all had the same plus a pot of tea between them. Once he started eating and his hand stopped shaking, he felt quite hungry so agreed to apple pie and custard for dessert, then they all trooped off to the loos and used the toilets and refreshed their makeup and tidied hair. His was still as unmoved as before but he used the lip gloss as he stood in front of the mirrors. He also thought ladies toilets seemed cleaner than men's. He remarked on this to Tara who told him if he saw the girl's toilets in school he might have a different opinion.

"You expect it with boys, who are lower down the evolutionary scale; girls are cleaner but I wonder what some of them live in when you see the way they treat the toilets in school, they forget someone has to clean up the mess after them."

They spent an hour looking at dresses, Tara had already seen one a few days before which she thought would be suitable. It was red velvet with three quarter sleeves and a boat neck. It was fairly tight to the torso and bust flaring out into an A-line skirt which ended about mid thigh. It had grey satin picking out the seams and a thicker piece running along the bottom of the skirt, hence the grey shoes. He tried on two tops and a skirt, plus a cardigan and a short coat. He was in and out of the changing room like a fiddler's elbow, assisted by Tara, his mother and Macey acting as style critics.

He couldn't believe how much makeup they bought as well as a small bottle of eau de toilette with Chanel written on the side of the box. They'd sprayed all sorts of things on his wrists and sniffed them. They all smelt nice to him, or would on a girl's body. Then he was asked to pick a watch and chose a small gold one on a thin black leather strap. The shop assistant put in a new battery and adjusted the time and he put it on his wrist. He hadn't worn a watch for ages after he broke his last one so it felt slightly strange on his wrist.

Finally, he looked horrified as they hustled him into a nail bar. "What for?" he asked.

"We won't have time on Friday and it will give you a chance to get used to them," said Tara as the four of them seated themselves in the waiting area, though only Cary had his nails extended and painted to match the dress. While he was being done, his mother took most of the shopping back to the car with Macey's help and his sister stayed as bodyguard.

When they got back to the car he complained loudly that the nails were a stupid idea and what happened if he had to fix a puncture on his bike? He was told he wouldn't be riding his bike as he had no girl's trousers to wear.

"What, I have to stay like this until Friday?" he gasped.

"Yes, it should give you a chance to perfect both your act and your mannerisms, though I didn't see anyone looking at you suspiciously," said his mother.

"Only one or two boys, did I tell you, Mace that Mike Lincoln bumped into us before we met up with you and he as good as asked our little Carrie out, didn't he, little sister?"

"No he didn't, he just wanted to know who I was."

"You have a bit to learn about boys, Carrie," quipped his mother from the front seat as she drove the car out of the car park.

"Oh shit," he sighed to himself.

The Joiners pt 4.
by
Angharad

The girls had continued to drill Cary in movement and gesture all the time correcting any boy-speak, so he sounded more like a girl. Finally they let him retire to his bedroom where he sat playing computer games while listening and singing along to CDs of The Carpenters. It was like a subliminal way of learning the lyrics and melodies and as well how Karen had sung them. His mind was like a tape recorder and it transferred the music from his player to his mouth, where he repeated it as if he was some form of recording device.

He was thankful that he liked the music and that was all they wanted him to do, at least he didn't have to pretend he was Karen Carpenter, just sing like her. What he didn't appreciate was that he was effectively conditioning himself and the longer he went on the longer it would last and unless his voice broke, he would end up singing like Karen Carpenter and talking like a girl. In the words of the old joke, What do you call a boy with foresight ? - a girl.

Something he couldn't understand, apart from where the draught came that was blowing up his nether regions, was why he wasn't protesting more. He should have refused point blank to have his nails extended and painted. It was bad enough that Tara had lined up all his makeup on the top of his chest of drawers along with her spare magnifying mirror, which was a large circular one on a pedestal with a heavy base. She also laid out two brushes and a comb so he could do his hair. His main worry there was that when he went to bed his hair would stick to the pillow, but she reassured him that all the mousse and lacquer would brush out. He wasn't sure he believed her and he also wondered how much it would hurt. He once shut his hair in the car door and boy, didn't that hurt? His scalp was tender for days.

He was getting better at manipulating his mouse with the long nails. They did make his hands look much more elegant and feminine and part of him thought they looked lovely, or they would on Macey or Tara, not on him and he'd have to stop picking his nose or risk giving himself a lobotomy. He also wondered how difficult wiping his bum would be, though he assumed that women with long nails had sussed that one out before, in which case he'd have to do the same.

Tara let herself into his room, she'd heard him singing and saw him with earphones on and his eyes appeared to be closed. She filmed him again and he was totally oblivious to her presence, she therefore withdrew and quietly closed his bedroom door. Until he saw the video clip he'd never know she'd been there.

She popped in again when she heard it go quiet in his room. "Hey, better check your makeup, girl."

He wasn't sure if he liked the epithet but dressed as he was he didn't feel like saying so. Under her instruction he renewed his lip gloss and she told him to wear the grey shoes with the heels. On asking why, he had got used to the black flat ones and they were comfortable, he was told he needed to break them in and get used to them before Friday. He didn't argue, perhaps all this girl stuff was rotting his brain, the bit that hadn't been transmogrified into a Carpenter song recorder/player. Tara told him their mum had asked her to call him for dinner. He didn't feel all that hungry but he followed her down the stairs and into the dining room. which was where he suddenly met his father.

"Oh, who are you?" said his dad, looking him up and down.

Cary's mind still full of songs went completely blank. "This is Carrie, Dad," said Tara.

"Oh, are you staying to dinner?" asked his dad.

"She lives here," said Tara enjoying the bemusement of her father and Cary's embarrassment. He felt hot enough to spontaneously combust.

"You've lost me," said her dad.

"Stop messing about, Tara," said Penny coming into the room, "Carrie is really Cary."

Rob Carpenter received the news with a small start. "Really, is there something you need to tell me, Car-er-Carrie, wasn't it?"

"We're training her to take part in a karaoke contest on Friday." Tara's explanation did anything but explain anything. Rob Carpenter was a very easy going man. If his son had said he wanted to be a girl, he'd have discussed the pros and cons with Cary and the rest of the family and if he considered the request was genuine, he'd have supported it. So seeing his son dressed as a girl and looking quite convincing as one didn't faze him as much as bemuse him and Tara's explanation only confused things even more.

"I'll explain as we eat," said Penny and Rob nodded, "it's roast chicken, your favourite."

"Oh good," said Rob and took his place at the table while the others brought the poultry and the vegetables to the table. Rob carved the bird and his wife passed the plates around the table. It was perhaps a bit traditional given how otherwise modern thinking they were, but it was how they lived and it worked for them.

Penny explained about Cary being able to pretty well mimic Karen Carpenter which had surprised her. She played him the video clip Macey had sent to her and he was able to recognise it as such knowing how fond Penny was of the Carpenter's music. Seeing as his name was Carpenter from birth, Rob had enjoyed the music as well, though he wasn't as interested in it as the others, he'd rather play with his train layout or knock the house about.

"How does Carrie feel about this dressing up as a girl?" he asked looking at his son who blushed immediately and avoided eye contact.

"It's all right I suppose, it felt strange at first but it's okay now."

"What about Colm, what does he think about it?" Rob knew that the two boys spent a lot of time together.

"Yeah, he's okay, he wants me to win the competition."

"And you?"

"Well, I've come this far, I suppose I'd better give it my best shot."

"And there's nothing else about this?"

"Like what?" asked Cary blushing even redder staring at the table cloth, sneaking a glance at his dad every now and again.

"You don't want to be a girl, or do you like boys?"

"Rob, you're embarrassing the girl and it's very intrusive," interrupted Penny.

"Okay, sorry, Carrie, but if there is anything else driving this, don't feel embarrassed to come and talk to us about it."

Cary nearly fell off his chair at his mother's inference that he was a girl and his father's acceptance of everything. As soon as the silences meant the meal was finished, Rob was about to unwind by working on his railway lay out when Tara said, "Do you want to hear Carrie sing?"

Cary shot her a killer look but she ignored it and their two parents nodded that they would, "She's really good," said Penny to her husband. Cary noticed that his mother seemed to have forgotten his real gender and he wasn't sure what he thought about it and Tara was acting as if she'd never had a brother in the first place.

While the parents cleared the table Tara and Cary went into the lounge and he warmed up his throat while she switched on the borrowed karaoke machine. Cary opted to sing Rainy days and Mondays.

Rob and Penny sat on the sofa at the other end of the room while Cary stood with his back to them. Tara stood facing them and when she saw they were seated clutching a glass of wine each, she announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Miss Carrie Carpenter."

Cary turned around and holding the microphone waited for Tara to start the machine and after the introductory bars began singing,
"Talking to myself and feeling old,
Sometimes I'd like to quit,
Nothin' ever seems to fit,
Hangin' around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down."

At the end of the song Penny was grinning like a Cheshire cat, as was Tara. Cary was looking for some reaction and Rob was looking as bemused as before. After a pause of several moments he said, "That really was you singing, not the machine?"

"No, Dad, that was me."

"If I closed my eyes I could see Karen Carpenter in my mind. You sounded just like her. What that means exactly, I suppose we'll have to wait and see."

"What d'you mean, Dad?" asked Tara feeling that perhaps her father wasn't as open minded as she thought." Cary held similar impressions but kept silent.

"Just as I said, we'll have to wait and see, as a performance it was very good and if Cary really was a girl, I'd only be worried about her being exploited by so called agents and entrepreneurs . If it gets out that it's a boy who has the voice that made the Carpenters superstars and who dresses as a girl, who knows what will happen."

"But she's almost foolproof, I mean you didn't recognise her, did you?" Tara tried to protect her project.

"No I didn't recognise her, she is very pretty and looks and acts very convincingly as a girl, but what happens when people find out?"

"We're all pledged to keep her secret."

He shook his head, "Tara, my love, Carrie has the same amazing voice that Karen Carpenter had, if she wins the competition and say, starts performing as a female singer, sooner or later someone will find out and the more successful she is the bigger the story will be. Think of the stories that were told about Karen Carpenter's death, one newspaper suggested she was found dead and naked in her wardrobe. I don't want Carrie or any of us to end up with lurid stories told about any of us, because these days the accuracy of the press is pathetic and the tabloids don't care who they hurt and I don't have the money to sue them for damages, if I could anyway. I mean they might suggest we're making Cary dress as a girl against his will."

Cary's head was spinning, what was going to be a bit of laugh and prove he was good at something, was fading into a potential nightmare. However, one thing that was clear in his own mind was, he was cooperating voluntarily and he said so, "No one is making me do anything, Dad, I agreed to it."

"I know, Carrie, and I know because I don't believe Tara or Macey would force you do anything you didn't want to do and I also know if your mother thought they were, she'd have stopped it." Penny nodded in agreement. "But that may not stop others making the accusations."

Reality had entered into the dreams of the teens and they now had to deal with it. It was two rather disheartened youngsters who went to bed that night, Cary not sure how he felt about all of it anymore and Tara, after she spoke briefly to Macey on their mobiles. The two girls decided on a council of war the next day while the honorary girl in the next room tossed and turned and felt anxious and angry in equal measures. 'Bloody press could make me out to be some sort of queer just because I'm a boy impersonating a girl, what's it matter what I am, it's how I sing that matters, isn't it? Not what sex I am.' He began to appreciate how people who changed their gender faced difficulties he'd never even considered before and whatever happened with his Carpenter's tribute, he had a new respect for them.

The next morning Tara woke her brother and asked him to shower and wash his hair and she'd style it for him. He said that he wondered if their dad had killed the idea. "No, he's added his perspective and remember he's an architect, they're like lawyers always looking for problems, besides we hadn't actually thought any further than the karaoke contest. Anyway, go and shower and I'll put out some clothes out for you, we're going over to see Macey and Colm and discuss what Dad said.

"Is it worth it? I mean after what Dad said?" he sounded disenchanted with the whole idea, yet he'd worn the nightdress again and he hadn't tried to do anything to alter his long painted nails. Tara felt she had to encourage him to want to win the contest.

"Did I tell you that there's a hundred quid for the first prize?"

"I suppose we'll be splitting that four ways?" he mused.

"That would be the fairest way," his sister responded.

"Yeah, I do all the work and take all the risks and we all get the same."

"There aren't any risks, apart from the fact you become a girl when you wear skirts, and even if someone found out, we just tell them it was dare or a prank, to see if we could get away with it."

"D'you think anyone would believe that?"

"Why shouldn't they?"

"I dunno, perhaps anyone who didn't like me, in school I mean. I'm hardly the most popular boy in the school am I?"

'You'd be one of the most popular girls if you came in a skirt,' she almost said but held her tongue. "If they heard you sing, they'd all love you, you have a special talent, Carrie. Come on, get showered and let's get you ready and have some breakfast."

"Is Mum taking us to Macey's?"

"Dunno, you shower and I'll ask her, we can always catch the bus."

"Oh," said Cary and she bustled him into the bathroom.

By the time they got downstairs, after Cary dressed and under supervision did his own makeup and Tara did his hair, his mother was filling the washing machine. "I put your bras and panties in the top drawer of your tallboy, Carrie."

"Yeah, thanks," he said because he felt he had to say something, as she had done something for him. Yeah, his bras, like every other boy.

He sat down and was buttering his toast when Tara showed their mum something on her phone. "How expensive are they?" she asked Tara.

"Depends on how good quality you want, they also do sort of pants things with padding."

"I thought her bum looked okay, even in that tight skirt, yesterday."

"Yeah, she has a bit of a girly bum, but the socks don't really look that realistic do they?"

"And these are what?" Penny was pointing at the screen.

"Silicone stuff, I think."

"Send me a link and I'll have a look later, but I'm not spending a fortune for a one off."

"I think she enjoys being Carrie, don't you sis?"

"Don't I what?" asked Cary not really listening to the conversation.

"Enjoy it."

Thinking she was talking about the music because he was thinking about it and where they could buy the actual sheet music, he fancied trying to drum to some of the songs, if Karen Carpenter could do it, perhaps he could too. "Yeah sure."

"Oh," said his mother, "Okay, I'll see."

"Thanks, Mum, I'm sure Carrie will enjoy them."

It was Tuesday, by next day delivery, they could be here in time for Friday's competition, so thought Penny Carpenter and they probably would sit better in the bra. Not like real breasts but if he was going to become Carrie on a regular basis, she'd need something better than rolled up socks. Mind you, if she started dressing as a girl on a regular basis, it may be worth having a chat with the doctor - just in case. She saw stories about trans kids in the papers all the time, perhaps they had one of their own. She'd have to wait and see what happened and what Cary wanted to do about it. Was Cary really Carrie? They'd called their son Cary because she loved the Cary Grant film Charade and she almost considered Audrey if she'd had a girl, because she thought Audrey Hepburn was so beautiful and talented. Instead, she had a Carrie but she'd love her just as much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjFoQxjgbrs

The Joiners pt 5.
by
Angharad

The two teens made their journey to the Copperthwaite's house on the bus, Cary once again in skirt and tights. The bus stop was about two houses down from theirs and Cary had voiced his concerns about being recognised again and Tara noticed since he'd been practising as a girl and learning all the songs, he sounded more and more like one. She was convinced he was pretty well foolproof.

"What if we meet someone from school on the bus?" Cary postulated.

"What if we do? You look and sound so different no one is going to recognise you and unless you wave your willie about they aren't going to know you're not a girl either." Her statement made them both laugh and a minute or two later the bus arrived and they boarded and paid for their tickets. It was cheaper to purchase return tickets so that's what they did.

They sat up towards the back of the single-decker bus, and people watched for the fifteen or twenty minutes it took them to get to Macey's. Diana was just leaving for work as they walked up the path, "Hello girls," she said, "I've made you an appointment at my salon for Friday for three o'clock, Carrie, so we can do your hair and makeup for your competition."

"Uh, okay, Mrs Copperthwaite, uh, thank you."

"Well, I know a girl likes to look her best at these things and Macey said you'd found a nice dress and shoes. Did you buy a bag to go with them?"

"No we forgot to look for one, will I need one for the competition, couldn't I just use this one?" Cary held up the shoulder bag Tara had loaned him, it was brown natural leather.

"That's a very nice bag, Carrie, but I've left a grey one of mine I no longer use which you might as well have. Macey will show it to you."

"That's very kind of you, Mrs Copperthwaite," said Cary, who had had it drummed into him that manners and courtesy will never make you enemies and may often make you friends.

"You're welcome, young lady; I have to say that each time I see you, you look more relaxed and prettier."

"Thank you, but it's all Tara's work."

"The makeup and hair may be Tara's handiwork, but this is something inside you, it'll probably sound silly, but you seem more substantial as Carrie than you ever did as a boy. Oops, I'm going to be late, better run." She trotted to her car and drove off towards the town centre where her salon was situated. She was well regarded as a hairdresser and beauty therapist and the salon, which had three other stylists, did very well.

They were seen arriving and Macey opened the door before they could knock, "What was our mum saying to you?" she asked obviously having seen the interchange.

"Just she'd do my hair for me on Friday," said Cary.

"Yeah, she told me to tell you in case she didn't see you. She's left you a bag to match your shoes, it's pretty well brand new."

"Yeah, she said."

"Tell her what else she said," urged Tara.

"That's all she said, about my hair and the bag."

"No it wasn't, she said you looked better as a girl than a boy." Tara smiled triumphantly and Cary blushed.

"I think she's right," said Macey, "I think you ought to have been born a girl."

"Who should?" asked Colm appearing in the hallway.

"Carrie, she looks tons better as girl than a boy and I think she should have always been a girl." Macey repeated her opinion.

"Dunno, but she looks pretty good to me," agreed Colm.

"Look, I'm here, can we stop talking about me and decide what we're doing for this contest thing. I mean where is it?"

"It's in the Cock and Bull pub, down off Kingsway. We could go and see it if you like they might let us see the room they're using." Tara seemed to know most about it.

"Have we officially entered?" asked Cary, thinking that if they hadn't they could save a lot of time and he could go back to being a boy again, well in a day or so, he was getting used to the nails and he did feel elegant with them.

"Yeah, I did that online last week."

"What before you asked me?" Cary sounded a bit miffed.

"Yeah, I thought me an' Macey could do something, but you were better, much better than anything we could do."
"Yeah, why don't we go and do a recce on the place?" Colm suggested, we can talk, there or come back here and say what we think about it."

So that was what they did. Cary was still a little unsure of himself as a girl but it seemed people accepted what they saw at face value and after they encountered two boys who knew Cary but didn't recognise him as Carrie, he began to relax a bit totally unaware that Colm was staring at him, but the older girls noticed and while it amused them, in the way that teenagers can find the most outlandish things amusing and the most harmless things, threatening. Macey decided she would speak to her brother about his behaviour, to at least be a bit more subtle as it was only the fact that Carrie was so naïve, that she hadn't noticed herself, especially as the front of her brother's jeans were tenting showed what he was thinking about.

As they walked they chatted like normal teens gossiping and giggling all the way to the front of the Cock and Bull hotel. The bar was just opening and the man unlocking the door asked them what they wanted.

"Um, you're doing the karaoke competition on Friday, right?"

"Yeah, why you want tickets?"

"No, my sister here, is taking part and we wondered if we could have a look at the room?"

"It's in the function room, don't see why not, hang on I'll get the key." It transpired that the man they had spoken to was the manager of the place and it was his idea to run the contest. He was impressed that someone so young had enough interest to suss out the place, most of the competitors just arrived, sang out of tune, bought a couple of drinks and left reckoning that the judges were bent and their talent was unrecognised. That it had been unrecognised in a dozen other places, didn't seem to be forming a pattern, to them at least.

The function room was quite large, big enough for dances, which they held there regularly as well as other shows and events, like wedding receptions and even wedding ceremonies as well. It had cost quite a bit to register it as a wedding venue, but Jack, the manager, thought it would pay them back within a couple of years.

Cary hadn't thought about the size of the room before and he wondered if his sort of act would be suited to it, most of the Carpenter stuff was almost intimate ballad sort of songs.

"How good is the sound system asked Macey?"

"Do you know anything about them?" asked Jack.

"A bit, canni've a look?"

"If you like," he went behind a small desk in the corner by the stage and turned on a couple of switches. "Who's singing?"

"I am," said Cary.

"Want to try the machine?" He handed the microphone which was a wi-fi one to Cary. "Chose a song, it's got thousands."

He typed in the song name and then chose the version he wanted to sing to. The opening bars of the music began and he closed his eyes and waited for his place to start.

'I think I'm gonna be sad
I think it's today, yeah
The boy that's drivin' me mad
Is goin' away.
Oh he's got a ticket to ride.'

The dulcet tones of Karen Carpenter began to fill the room and Jack gasped and watched the youngster performing, completely unaware of the reaction she was having on the others. The two girls had stopped talking and Colm just fell totally in lust with his friend.
Jack began to see opportunities of the sort that Rob Carpenter had been concerned about. He'd taken out his phone and was recording the girl singing as he had a friend who would be very interested in this individual, who sounded just like Karen Carpenter. Whether she won the karaoke or not, there was money to be made and if they got a couple of musicians and a couple of backing singers, they could launch a tribute act that should be very popular and they could appear at his hotel every so often and bring the punters in, in droves. He was almost clapping his hands in glee when the girl finished her song.

"Hey, kiddo, what's your name?"

"Carrie," replied Cary.

"Carrie what?"

"Would you believe Carpenter?"

He laughed, "No, but if that's what you want to call yourself, that's fine."

"She's Carrie Joiner," said Tara realising that giving their real name would be an easy lead for someone to track them down as there were only half a dozen Carpenters in the phone book.

"Joiner, carpenter - yeah, I like it. Can you sing us another?"

"If you like, which one?"

Jack walked over to the machine and selected 'We've only just begun,' knowing it was a harder song to sing well, and five minutes later, he'd recorded it on his phone and knew he was sitting on a potential goldmine. He'd have to act quickly to grab her before someone else did and as soon as the teens left he'd call his friend who was a theatrical/musical agent and tell him to be there on Friday evening. Jack's day was looking better and better and Cary's life was about to get a deal more complicated.

The rest of the day the teens spent traipsing round the shops and in the music shop, Cary was able to buy a book of the musical arrangements of the Carpenter's songs. It was aimed mainly at people playing electronic keyboards or guitar, but it did have enough for him to work out the drum sequences. It wasn't cheap, but then neither was his drum kit, and he hadn't played it for ages, in fact he had thought about selling it but perhaps he'd keep it for now and see if he could do a Karen Carpenter and sing and drum at the same time.

When they got home, Penny spoke to Tara and told her she's ordered the breast forms and the padded panty. "They were quite expensive."

"Don't worry, Mum, I'm sure Carrie will appreciate and use them quite regularly, the bloke in the hotel let us try the karaoke machine and he seemed to like Carrie's singing. It's where she'll be singing on Friday."

"Well, of course, he did, she has a wonderful voice and sings very well. Diana and I will have to come along to cheer her on."

"Won't Dad come as well?"

"I doubt it, he'd rather play with his train set and Diana's husband is only interested in things which contain the word, golf."

Tara burst out laughing, "Boy's toys."

"Quite so," agreed Penny and they both laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Cary who'd been touching up his makeup and hair, which both women noticed immediately.

"Only that neither your dad nor Macey's will come to the karaoke contest."

"Glad to see someone's got some sense," said Cary going off to try and drum to the music in the book he'd just bought. He was unconsciously becoming a clone of the dead popstar and potentially playing into the hands of people like Jack and his friend.

Cary seemed uncaring that his father wouldn't be at the competition but then he had no idea that exactly what his father had predicted as possible, was coming to pass. If he had, he'd have run for the hills and never sung a Carpenter's song again. Instead, he had pulled the dust covers of his drum kit and was tapping away in tune to his iPod and the music book he'd bought. He was quite musical, as the singing had shown and he could play the piano, but not as well as he'd like and hadn't tried harder because that was Colm's instrument, even though Cary was actually a better pianist, he didn't like to show up his friend, but he began to think, he could sing and play the piano, he was sure he had seen Karen Carpenter doing that on at least one video. Maybe, he'd like to try that, he'd seen people on the internet performing , probably in their bedrooms and they were making money from it, so why shouldn't he. Obviously, he'd have to do it as Carrie, but he liked his hair long and the makeup wasn't too hard to do, though what happened if his voice broke? Then he'd be stuffed.

Suddenly, he was seeing his potential and it was all linked into keeping a girl's singing voice. He looked to see how he could stop his voice breaking and the answers he found on the internet seemed to imply he needed to get his hands on some blockers, he even found out where to buy them, though most authorities strongly advised seeing a doctor. Was Diana Copperthwaite right, was Carrie a more substantial person than Cary? Only time would determine that.

"You're really getting into this Karen Carpenter sound alike thing, aren't you?" Penny asked her son, who was increasingly looking and acting like a second daughter.

He blushed and shrugged.

"I've ordered some breast forms for you, they'll be more realistic than rolled socks."

"Oh wow, thanks, Mummy," he suddenly gave her a hug and pecked her on the cheek.

"Goodness, I guess you like the idea." She couldn't remember the last time he had hugged her let alone kissed her. She quite liked it. "So, if I told you that I'd also ordered you some padded panty things to enhance your hips and bum, would I get another hug?"

"Definitely," he said hugging and kissing his mother again, " and if you ordered me some hormone blockers to stop my voice breaking, you could have as many as you like." He blushed profusely when he realised what he'd said.

"You want to stop yourself becoming a man?" She wasn't sure what she felt about that, sure he seemed at home being a temporary girl, but if he started messing with hormones and things, that was a whole new ball game and she needed professional advice for that.

They knew their family doctor socially as well as professionally. Rob had designed and supervised the building of the new surgery, and Judy and her husband Ben had been their GPs for years. Penny snuck off and phoned the surgery and left a message for Judy to call her back. Playing at being a girl, even cross-dressing regularly didn't worry her, but once you start doing things to your body, it becomes more difficult to stop and the changes aren't simply getting your hair cut or letting it grow out, it becomes a medical thing and words like sex change start to materialise.

After Carrie had said about the hormone blockers, she asked her if she wanted to be a girl full time? Carrie had blushed a deep crimson and said very quietly, "Maybe."

Penny was still reflecting on this when the phone rang, it was her friend and doctor. She told her what had happened and that both she and Rob were happy to go along with Cary being Carrie at times and even to taking part in the karaoke contest but mention of the hormone blockers upped the ante somewhat.

"So he's spending the whole week as a girl to try and win this karaoke thing?" asked Judy.

"Yes, he's turning into Karen Carpenter before our very eyes."

"Oh, God, I hope not, that poor woman had more issues than Private Eye. Is he there now?"

"Yes, he's upstairs practising his songs."

"Could you bring him in, in half an hour?"

"Yes, he's in girl mode, is that okay."

"It's fine, in fact, I think I'd like to meet his alter ego. Right, I've booked him in as Carrie Carpenter, so there shouldn't be any problem with reception. I've also blocked any appointments for an hour."

"Oh that is brilliant, Jude, see you then."

The Joiners pt 6.
by
Angharad
Penny rushed up and interrupted Cary's practice. He had his electronic piano keyboard plugged into his computer and headphone set. This included a microphone, so he could speak or sing while he played and no one would hear the music except him, though they would hear his voice.

He didn't notice his mother enter his bedroom, he was playing the music from the book he'd bought earlier and he was sight reading, she didn't think he could do that. This child was full of surprises. Then she remembered he'd stopped taking lessons because he was better than Colm and she had thought at the time that it was more like a girl than a boy to act like he had. What she didn't know was that he played quite frequently but only for his own amusement. Cary had a very strong musical bent.

She moved towards him and he spotted her, "Hi, Mum, what d'you want?"

"Let me see how tidy you are?"

"Why?"

"I want you to come out with me a minute."

"What for?"

"I'll explain that when we get there." She checked him over, told him to change into a different skirt and top and to wear the grey shoes and use his new grey bag. She tidied up his hair and told him to check his makeup. He complied but primarily because his curiosity was piqued. She told him to use his eau de toilette as well.

He was now completely intrigued by her rather secretive actions and instructions. He thought it was probably to go to the shops or something but then she had spent quite a lot on him recently, or on Carrie. He was downstairs five or six minutes later looking quite presentable in a red slash necked top with three-quarter length sleeves and a grey pleated miniskirt. He was wearing the grey shoes and the matching bag was hung over his shoulder. She handed him the jacket he'd used before and they walked out to the car.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Her answer frustrated him but he held his tongue and waited as they drove down the road and ten minutes later pulled into the doctor's practice. Now he was confused. Suddenly he wondered if she was going to have him declared insane.

"What are we doing here?"

"We're going to see Judy Herring."

"Why?"

"I'd like her advice on what we're doing with you."

"So she can lock me up?"

"What?" she was shocked, "No, so we make sure what we're doing is safe."

"Course it's safe or half the population of the world would be at risk," he retorted misunderstanding her answer.

"Look, just behave and answer any questions Judy asks you, she's doing us a favour in seeing us as an extra."

He shrugged but was not best pleased, he was beginning to really get into being a girl and he didn't want it to stop, not for the moment anyway. He hoped Judy would understand what he was doing and maybe even prescribe the pills he would like, though he doubted it. He did have a plan to try and con her, but he'd have to be clever because she wasn't stupid and would see through most things quite quickly.

They sat in the waiting room and time seemed to drag by, no one there seemed to be paying him any attention except a teenage boy who was checking him out every few minutes and looked away as soon as Carrie looked back, but then she was doing the same. Actually, he looked quite cute and then blushed at the thought that she was almost fancying a boy as a girl would and that was without any hormones other than naturally produced ones. Certainly nothing was moving down below, but then it never did, so Cary never quite understood what Colm or the other boys were talking about when they mentioned woodies. He thought they probably meant erections, only he didn't seem to get them, but then he just thought that he was a late developer. Was there something else? If there was, was he pleased or worried? He wasn't quite sure.

They were eventually called into see the doctor and she seemed impressed with her new girl patient. "Who does your makeup?" she asked.

"Tara gave me some lessons, so I do my own."

"I'm impressed, did she do your hair as well?"

"Yeah, this morning, I'm still learning to do that, but I'll get there."

"I'm sure you will, Carrie. Tell me, how long have you wanted to be a girl?"

He blushed and shrugged, he even felt his eyes growing moist. It was no longer a game, this was real. "I don't know exactly, I've never felt entirely comfortable as a boy, never quite fitted in."

"And this has been going on for some time?"

"As long as I can remember."

His mother nodded, it looked as if this had been creeping up on them for a long time and none of them had seen it, some mother she was, she berated herself.

"And how long have you been dressing as a girl?" asked the doctor.

"Since the weekend."

"You've never dressed as a girl before?"

"Only when we were younger and Tara wanted me to pretend to be her sister and we'd play with dolls or do tea parties."

The doctor looked at Penny who nodded, it was just kids playing. "How did you feel about that?"

"It was okay, no one saw me except Tara and Mummy and very occasionally my dad. They didn't say anything and Tara was always nicer to me when I pretended to be her sister."

"And you haven't done that recently?"

"No, not for years."

"But you have been a girl all this week?"

"Yeah." He blushed.

"And have you enjoyed it?"

"Oh yeah, it was a bit scary when we bumped into people from school but we just told them I was Tara's cousin."

"You've been out in public as a girl and so one seemed to think you were anything but the genuine article?"

"No, we caught the bus to Macey's house this morning and there were two boys from school on it, they didn't spot me as a boy. Then we went into town to have a look where the karaoke competition is happening."

"In the hotel?"

"Yeah, the manager let us try the equipment, he seemed impressed that we wanted to suss it out. He let me sing a couple of songs."

That explained something Penny received on her phone earlier that day.

"So do you want to live as girl?"

"I think I might, but I'd like to try it for longer and see what it's really like. I am worried that my voice might break and mess everything up before I have decided, but the more I do the more I like it."

"I see, do you like boys?"

"I'm not sure, but then I'm not sure about girls either. I don't get erections like other boys, so I wonder if perhaps I'm really a girl anyway, if so, I don't think I'd mind too much."

"Okay, I need to do some bloods. We need to see what's happening in your body, it could be that you have a problem preventing you from becoming a man or as you say, it could be your body is confused and would be better as a woman. Until we know the answers to that, we can't look any further, though if you wanted to be a girl, we could perhaps stop your body masculinising."

"I think I'd like that."

"You want to be a girl?"

"Probably."

"I think we'd need more certainty than that, Carrie."

"Okay, yes, I want to be a girl all the time."

"We need to proceed a bit more cautiously than that, Carrie. I'd like you to continue dressing as a girl for the moment, but if you decide you no longer want to do so, that's fine and I'd like you to tell your mum, don't do it because you think other people want you to, only do it if it's what you want. Okay?"

He nodded then added, "I think I'm really a girl, aren't I?"

"I can't answer that, Carrie, but there is a possibility that you are and if it is and you still want to be one, I'll try and help you become who you think you really are. Have we got a deal?"

"Yes, doctor."

"So that means no buying any pills on the internet because some of those are fake and very dangerous, people have died and I want you to be happy and safe."

"Okay," Cary said and reluctantly agreed but he realised why she was laying down the law.

"Did you want to see this?" Penny held up her phone and played the video of Cary singing as Karen Carpenter. The doctor watched it shaking her head and occasionally glancing at her patient.

"This was at the hotel, this morning?" she asked.

"Did Tara record me again?" he asked.

"She sent it to me this morning on whatsapp."

"I hadn't seen that one before," he admitted.

"Well, Carrie, I have to say that was pretty amazing, you have a wonderful voice."

"And I don't want it to break."

"If it's necessary, we may be able to help stop that, but not until I know what's going on inside you. So take these forms with you and wait for the nurse to take these blood tests."

A few minutes later they were sitting in the nurse's room and she was filling vial after vial with blood which seemed to suck the blood out by themselves once the needle was in the vein. Cary didn't enjoy it but it wasn't too bad and the nurse was pleasant enough about it all and perhaps more importantly it could be the start of becoming Carrie Carpenter for real. It both excited and terrified him.

Driving home, they stopped at the local chip shop and got fish and chips for everyone. "So you've decided you want to be a girl, have you?" asked his mother.

"Mummy, I'm already a girl, I just want to live like one."

"Not just to pretend to be Karen Carpenter?"

"No, that's fun at the moment and could make me some money, but I think I'd like to go to uni to study music and then write and perform my own."

"Okay, that sounds good to me, but I think we need to tell your dad and also start planning how we do things when we get the blood test results. If you really are a girl, we have a lot of thinking to do."

"I am, Mummy, a girl, that is. It's just taken me a while to figure it out."

They all ate their fish and chips, Penny had called ahead and asked Tara to put some plates to warm and heat a large tin of baked beans to go with their fish and chips. Cary, who was thinking as himself more and more as Carrie, had gone into the shop and ordered four portions of the British delicacy and paid with his mum's contactless card. They ate fish regularly but rarely as a take-away and not often with chips, so Tara squeaked when she learned what they were having for tea, she also told her mother that her dad was home.

Penny knew it was going to be an interesting evening but she decided to say nothing until they had all eaten, why spoil a nice meal, which was an increasingly expensive one, working out at over seven pounds per portion. For the same money, she could do a whole roast leg of pork or lamb. But it was convenient to her to treat them all this once.

They enjoyed their meal and Cary asked to be excused and left the table. He knew what they would be talking about and he felt he had enough interrogation for one day. He wanted to try and sing while playing the piano, he knew the Carpenters performed with other musicians, like a flautist and guitar as well as piano, but he wondered how it would sound with just his piano.

He decided to try Ticket to ride which he was surprised to learn was written by Lennon and McCartney and that the Beatles had recorded it first. He called it up on youtube and decided he preferred the Carpenter's version. He ran through the music and found it was probably in his capability to play the melody, whether he could do so while singing it, was another matter. Oh well, practice makes perfect. So he played it through several times, then went for a live recording. This meant taking off the headphones and playing the music audibly while singing, his recording device - his mobile.

What he didn't realise, was that his mother had set off to ask him to join the rest of the family downstairs, so he had just started playing and singing as she entered his room. He was so focused that he didn't notice her, concentrating on remembering the words while he read the music and played along. It was only when he went to pick up his phone to stop the recording that he saw her.

"Oh, sorry, Mum, didn't see you."

"That was all you, wasn't it?"

"Apart from the fifty-piece orchestra, you mean?" he joked perhaps a little sarcastically.

"You play quite well don't you?"

He shrugged.

"Are you still doing it in school?"

"When the teacher deigns to come."

They knew that music education was seen as a luxury by many schools and his was one of them, so their use of a peripatetic music teacher wasn't a priority and Cary didn't get much opportunity to play on the baby grand they had in the school hall, it was for the more pushy kids like bloody Amanda Colby, whose father was a good friend of the headmistress.

"Why did you stop going to have lessons with Mr Burgoyne?"

Cary shrugged his answer.

"Does Colm still go to him?"

"Dunno, don't think so."

"You're a better pianist than him, aren't you?"

Cary shrugged.

"You didn't stop because of that did you?"

He shrugged again, "I might have, why?"

Just like a girl, thought his mother, how did we all miss it? "Would you come down and speak to the others, I told them what happened at the doctors."

"I thought you might, I hope there won't be too many questions, I'm a bit questioned out."

"Your dad needs to know how you feel and tell him the truth this time."

"I did last time."

"I mean about wanting to be a girl all the time."

"I am a girl, what else is there to say?"

"Bring your phone down with you, I'd like to listen to your song again."

He clutched it as they left the bedroom and went down the stairs wondering what his dad would say this time, he didn't expect he'd be very pleased to discover he had two daughters.

The Joiners pt 7.

by
Angharad
Cary followed his mother into the dining room, his father watched him enter trying to take on board what Penny had said happened at the doctor's. Cary felt his eyes moistening and it was all he could do to stay there, the urge to flee back to his room almost overwhelming him. He could only wait for his father to say something, anything, he could only react, he couldn't initiate anything, his body simply froze and he felt the tears well up and then start to run gently down his face. He was hypersensitive, feeling the warmth on the salty water cooling as it dripped off his chin. No one said anything, then as if in slow motion his dad opened his arms and Cary threw himself into them, they wrapped around him and he could hold back the emotion no longer and he sobbed, his body convulsing with the depth of emotion he released.

He felt unable to stop for several minutes, he was safe, protected and yet terrified at the same time. No one said anything, his mother and his sister embraced each other both overcome by the intensity of the moment. None of them had expected any of this to happen and they had become swept up in the maelstrom as it developed.

If a couple of days before, someone had suggested that Rob Carpenter would be holding the sobbing body of his fourteen year old son, who was dressed as a girl, he'd have thought them mad. Yet this was the reality. His worst imaginings had been realised, according to his wife, Cary now Carrie, had told their family doctor he wanted to be a girl, not only that he'd told his mother that he had always been a girl. Nothing in his previous experience had provided Rob with the knowledge of how to deal with it. He wasn't an emotional man, rather a deliberate and considerate one, always trying to keep his cool and trying to understand what others may be feeling, looking for solutions rather than erupting in temper.

When his son, dressed and acting like a girl had first appeared he'd taken it on board quietly. It was a temporary thing with a definite objective. He didn't understand how a boy could want to do that, but he gave Cary the benefit of the doubt. He expressed his doubts about the risks involved and wondered if they were worth the possible dangers, including exploitation by others, especially when he heard his son sing. He had the same magical quality to his voice that Karen Carpenter had possessed and there would be plenty who'd want to grow rich on exploiting it without any thought about the teenager producing the wonderful sounds.

He'd stood as his son, yes, his son, albeit looking and acting like a daughter, had entered the room and the tension had built so that no one could say anything to break it. He watched his child wrestling with his emotions and tears began to run down his face, he could stand the pain no longer and just felt he had to wrap this bundle of agony in his arms and protect it like any parent would.

The child flew into his arms and convulsed into tears sobbing and seemingly unable to stop, Rob simply stood there and held him firmly but gently, covering him in love the only thing he had to offer the hurting body. He didn't know what else to do and he felt tears in his own eyes as the tension in the room began to slowly abate.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," said a very quiet voice but everyone heard it so taut were their nerves.

"You've nothing to be sorry about, kiddo," said his father now able to move enough to rub his child's back as the tension ebbed from it. Penny handed them some tissues and he gave them to Carrie. Was it Carrie or Cary? Did it matter, it was his child whatever name he or she answered to? An equally quiet thanks emerged from the red faced, red eyed, washed out bundle of emotion he still held.

"I told the doctor I was a girl," said the little voice which began to sob again.

Rob held the weeping child, "It's okay, no need to get upset."

"But you're disappointed in me, aren't you?" said the little voice dripping with emotion.

"Not at all, if that is how you feel, you must speak your truth. I'd only be disappointed if you didn't, and didn't share your trouble with your mum and me. We love you and will always try to help you."

"I know," said the voice and more weeping followed.

"Look, why don't we all sit down and have a cuppa?" said Penny trying to rescue her husband as well as her younger child before they both drowned or dissolved in the all the tears being produced.

"I'll put the kettle on," said Tara and fled to the kitchen. It seemed ironic to her that kitchens were supposed to be the place you fled from when they got too hot, not dining rooms. Oh well, her family had to do things differently.

She had been surprised at what Cary had told the doctor rather than shocked, he'd taken to being a girl for the competition like the proverbial duck to water, although he'd shown some initial reluctance, it had soon faded and he became Carrie with that amazing voice. No wonder he did, if underneath he was really a girl. Then while the kettle boiled she wondered if he really had fancied Macey or just wanted to be seen as the geek who could pull a real stunner who was actually older than him. The credibility he had in school would fly through the roof amongst his peers. Was that why he said he'd do it, pretend to be a girl? Or was part of him just looking for an opportunity to emerge? Boy, was all this complicated, and would he now be able to compete at the karaoke? She wanted to protect her investment but also realised that her sister was in some distress and she'd felt the depth of emotion when it h appened. That was quite scary but her dad just engulfed it in his strong arms and contained it. He was pretty cool, her dad.

When Tara took the tea through into the dining room, Carrie was sitting on her dad's lap and he had an arm wrapped around her, protecting her. She looked absolutely washed out.

The whole family talked and listened. The doctor had told Cary to continue dressing as a girl unless he felt he wanted to stop, so they agreed that's what she would do. For the moment, Cary had gone and she was now Carrie and a girl. What happened after half term they weren't quite sure but the important thing was to show support and solidarity with Carrie. Tara had no problem with that, in fact she'd enjoyed having a sister again, like when they were younger and Cary became Carrie while they played with dolls and held tea parties for them. It was something that was kept secret by the family as they assumed it was just a game the children played and it seemed as if Cary had grown out of it.

Penny had done some research and was going to contact one or two charities and helplines for further advice the next day. It had astonished both Carrie and Tara when Rob had asked if Carrie had enough clothes for the moment? Of course they said no and he told them he'd give them a hundred pounds for the morning.

"You really need a coat, girl," said Tara to her sister, "and some boots, it's going to get colder quite soon."

"Okay, okay, two hundred but that's it," said Rob knowing he'd been played and both his daughters kissed him and went up to bed laughing.

Penny stood in front of her husband and held out her hand, "Where's my prezzie, then?" she asked chuckling.

"I don't know if I can afford three females in his house," sighed Rob.

"You will, because you love us all," she kissed him and put her arm around him.

"Yeah, but it's a big bad world out there and I'm scared for innocents like Carrie, she is so vulnerable and life is going to be extra hard for her."

"Tara will help to protect her, as will we but it would have been even harder if she had suppressed this inner girl any longer, who knows what might have triggered it, exams at university or even A-levels. At least we can help her grow into the role before she becomes independent."

"I fear for her, Pen, like I do for the thousands like her around the world, having a trans child has suddenly opened my eyes to the dangers and the sometimes nasty people out there."

"I know, sweetheart, but we're going to do our best for her. Come on let's go to bed, I'll finish washing up in the morning, you look shattered."

He yawned, "Yeah, I am, how can people deal with this for a living?"

"They try to avoid an emotional involvement, they're our children, so we need to have one, but you did really well and all of us love you for it," Penny kissed her husband and despite their emotional tiredness, they went to bed and made slow gentle love, affirming their relationship and their commitment to each other and their children, they both slept like logs.

Tara slept quite well after her chat with Macey who was blown away by Carrie's coming out to the doctor but she promised not to tell anyone, even her brother suggesting that he would miss his old friend.

Carrie, because Cary had now departed this place, lay in bed weeping quietly listening to the voice which seemed to have started it all, and he felt the pain in some of the songs. He'd learned that Karen had had a difficult life and relationships for her had never quite worked, but then being a super star, would never help anything intimate because you'd always wonder if people liked you or what they could get from you.

She eventually fell into a restless sleep, at times seeing herself as Karen enjoying performing but unhappy with her family and other people. She then saw herself in a dream walking with her parents and Tara and knowing that they did love her and they always would and she slept more deeply, the earpieces falling out as she slept.

The next morning, Carrie awoke to her mother coming to check on her. Her eyes were all gummed up from crying and she had to lick her finger and rub them before they'd open properly.

"I'm sorry I was such a baby last night, what will Daddy think about me? He must think I'm a real cry baby."

"He doesn't, he's obviously very worried about you but he is committed to helping and protecting you as much as he can."

"What am I going to do when school starts? I don't think I can be Cary anymore."

"I'll speak to Judy Herring, later on, she should have the blood results or some of them and she might be able to give us some advice. Until then, I can't say what will happen but you may have to return to school as Cary for a short time until we can arrange something else for you. I'm not sure returning to the same school as Carrie would be a particularly good idea, do you?"

"I don't know, Mummy," she shrugged, "I don't know what came over me last night but I really don't feel I could bear to be a boy again."

"Well, let's just deal with one day at a time shall we?"

Carrie accepted her mother's counsel and was told to hurry into the shower and come down for breakfast, they'd sort her hair afterwards. She was told to wash her hair and to come down with a towel wrapped around it. She got out of bed and showered, feeling the water wash away her problems as her mother had suggested and feeling it driving in a positive energy. She sang, Top of the world to try and make herself feel easier, it helped a bit. After dressing she made a turban with the towel and went downstairs where her mother had made her a boiled egg with toast soldiers. Normally she cut her own out of a slice of toast but she realised her mother was spoiling her and she smiled when she saw them.

While Carrie was eating her breakfast the doorbell rang and a package was delivered and she was now the proud possessor of some decent breast forms and a padded panty which meant her shape under clothes would be much more like most of her female contemporaries. As soon as she'd finished eating, they'd played around with the breast forms and soon had the double-sided tape attached to her natural breast area and the back of the falsies as the instructions suggested this provided a more natural breast especial when moving and there was less chance of them falling out of the bra. The panty padding gave Carrie a bigger bum and wider hips but she felt it would soon get rather warm and her mother agreed, her bum was probably big enough to look quite realistic and the padded panty should be kept for when she wore something very fitted.

The girls were upstairs, Tara giving Carrie more makeup and hairstyling lessons when the phone rang. It was Dr Herring and Penny took the call in the study, shutting the door after her.

"Pen, Carrie needs to see an endocrinologist pretty quickly, her androgens are half what they should be and she has a raised oestrogen level. She's not secretly taking anything is she?"

"Not that I'm aware of, and I doubt she's stupid enough to try anything like that without your advice."

"Check with her, I'm trying to chase down an appointment with an endo. Ring me back, say in an hour." Penny agreed and went to find the girls who were in Tara's room giggling and laughing.

Penny brought Carrie out of the room and they went into her room, she hoped that would make it easier to tell if Carrie was not being honest. "Carrie, I need you to answer me in complete honesty, will you promise to do so?"

What's going on? I haven't killed anyone. "Of course, I will, what's this about?"

"Have you taken anything in the way of hormones, including herbal stuff?"

"What? Course not."

"According to Judy, you have the hormone levels of a pre-pubertal girl."

"What's that mean, prepubal?"

"It means pre-puberty. In puberty, you get an increase in hormones which start production of secondary sexual characteristics, like breasts in women and facial hair in men."

"So I am a girl," she shouted with glee, "I knew I was."

"Uh, not so hasty, girl until we see an expert on hormones and what is happening in your body, we don't really know."

"But I'm not a boy, am I?"

"Not one of your average ones, no."

"So my voice isn't going to break."

"I don't know, sweetheart, that's why we need to see this special doctor, Judy is trying to organise an appointment as soon as possible."

"I knew I was really a girl, I just knew it," Carrie ran off to tell Tara the news, tears of elation filling her eyes as she dashed into her sister's room.

Penny sat on the dressing table stool and sent a text to Rob. ' C's hormone levels like a girl's. GP making urgent appt with endocrinologist. Pxxx'

A minute later she received the text, 'OK go private if it helps. Rx' She looked at the text and she felt love for her husband, he was such a considerate man who loved all his family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEW0OgK832Q

The Joiners pt 8.

by
Angharad
Penny wasn't sure what she felt as she called back to Dr Herring, the girls were upstairs whooping and crying alternately. In some ways it may explain some of what had happened, but until a couple of days ago, she hadn't seen Carrie wear anything remotely female or act overtly so unless messing with Tara. Had this karaoke thing been the final straw that broke the camel's back? She felt as if she was in a thick fog that hid all the useful things like directions or where to get advice but she picked up the phone and called the surgery.

She was put through immediately and Judy told her what the situation was. "NHS appointment, even as an urgent case is nearly twelve weeks, sorry, I did my best."

"Thanks, Jude, I'm sure you did, what about privately? Rob told me to do that if necessary."

"Six o'clock tonight at the hospital."

"Tonight, really?"

"Yeah, if he wants scans and things, that will be extra, so be careful, it can get expensive quite quickly."

"Rob has an insurance thing for private treatment, I think it applies to the whole family. I think we pay and claim it back."

"Okay, I'll book it for you, it with Dr Steve Jenkins, he's lovely I knew him at med school. Carrie will love him and he's very discreet and ever so good with children. He's also worked with gender different children, so he knows his stuff."

"Thanks, Jude, so we go to endocrinology at the hospital, do we?"

"Yeah, six o'clock, good luck both." Judy rang off and Penny texted Rob who confirmed the insurance and told her where to find the documents in his filing cabinet. She ran to his office and found the file and ten minutes later she knew they were covered, at least for today.

She made a snack for lunch and called the girls down, they were still jubilant when they sat at the table. "Right, Missy, we have to go and see a doctor this evening at six," she said to Carrie.

"What today?"

"Yes, tonight," confirmed Penny while Tara rolled her eyes. Fortunately, Carrie didn't see her or there would have been an argument, she was growing into her own self as a girl very quickly and was starting to stand up to Tara, which Penny adjudged to be not a bad thing, though her reasoning that she was just as much a girl as Tara was yet to be proven.

After lunch, Carrie helped with the clear up and Tara went to call Macey and bring her up to date. "So she's really a girl then?" asked Macey.

"I think that's what it means, they're going to the hospital tonight."

"Not for a sex change?" gasped Macey in her dramatic style.

"I dunno do I? I'm not a doctor but I think it's more to find out why her hormones are so odd."

"They're not odd for a girl, are they?" said Macey.

"No, I suppose not." Tara wasn't sure what any of it meant except things were strange and she'd just wait and see, hoping that none of this would have an effect on Carrie's performance on Friday evening.

"How did you get such a quick appointment?" Carrie asked her mother, aware that the NHS was struggling after the pandemic as it was in all the papers and on the news.

"Daddy said to go private, otherwise we'd have had to wait for three months or more."

"Gosh, I hope it won't cost him too much," said Carrie feeling guilty.

"So do I," agreed her mother.

At four o'clock, Penny told Carrie to go and shower and wash her hair, she told Tara to help her sister get ready and laid out some easily removable clothing, a button-up top and a skirt, shoes and knee-length socks, plus a short slip and a clean bra and pants.

At five-thirty she and Carrie drove off to the hospital, Carrie feeling sick with nerves. "It's all right, sweetie, Judy says this doctor is really nice and he's worked with gender different children before, so he knows what he's doing."

Carrie simply nodded and held onto her seat, feeling really nervous and wondering what she'd feel like if the doctor said she was a normal boy. She'd just die, then again, she wasn't sure what she'd feel if he said she was really a girl. Her mouth felt dry yet her hands were sweaty.

Dr Jenkins was running late. It was nearly half-past six when he called them in and from the beginning, he addressed her as Carrie and with female pronouns. If he hadn't been so old, she'd have fallen in love with the rather handsome and very attentive doctor.

He asked her and her mother loads of questions, Penny showed him the video clips on her phone and he was suitably impressed. "Is that you really singing?" he asked Carrie, "not just lip-synching or whatever they call miming these days?"

"No, that's me." She then stood up and started singing,
I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today,
The boy that driving me mad is goin' away...
She sang half the song, "Believe me now?" she said.

"I was prepared to accept your word for it, Carrie but thanks for the impromptu performance, you really have some talent, don't you, girl?" She blushed but loved him referring to her as a girl, perhaps she was falling in love, just a little bit.

After more questions, he asked if he might do a scan of her abdomen and groin when she looked shocked about somebody else being in on her secret, he assured her the lady radiographer who would do it was familiar with transgender children and wouldn't turn a hair at what she might find under the skirt. Carrie nodded and agreed though she squealed when they put the gel on her tummy. Dr Jenkins accompanied them into the room and watched the images on the video screen. "Show her the clip of her singing," he urged Penny, who pulled out her phone and played it for the radiographer.

"Is that you?" she asked and Carrie rolled her eyes which made Steve chuckle, she really liked him but not the gel. The scan continued and after they'd wiped all the gel away, he asked if he could examine her and pulling on some gloves he felt and probed all around her groin. He thanked her and apologised if it was uncomfortable. Then he led them back to his consulting room where he did a mouth swab and asked them to sit down.

He reran the video of the scan which was now on his computer and pointed out various things on it. "Right, this is a preliminary report but I'll need the mouth swab to confirm it."

Both Penny and Carrie sat with bated breath wishing he'd just tell them.

"The reason you haven't had a boy puberty is that I can't see any sign of testes, they're not in your scrotum if that's what it actually is and they don't seem to be anywhere in your lower abdomen where they should be. So you're either intersex or have some weird mosaic genetic makeup that means your body has never been able to make up its mind what you are in terms of gender."

"But I'm not a boy, am I?" asked Carrie in a very quiet voice.

"That's up to you, Carrie but you look and sound comfortable as a girl. However, when I've got all the information I need, we'll have you in and do an MRI scan because that can show us deeper structures, but I don't think even one of those is going to find something that I don't think exists."

"So I'm really a girl?"

"You can be whoever you want, sweetheart, officially, I can't say until I have a few more results including the MRI, but like I said, I can't see any of it telling me you're a boy, I'm just surprised they didn't pick up on it earlier, has no one ever examined you down below before?"

"No, not as far as I can remember," replied Carrie blushing. Penny shook her head agreeing with her.

"Okay, I shall ask Judy to organise a letter for you to carry with you explaining that you are living as female while we carry out further tests. It's just to cover you in case you have any awkward moments in the ladies or a changing room. It's standard for transgender patients but I'm not sure you are transgender."

"What happens now?" asked Penny.

"We do a few more tests but I'm pretty sure they'll just confirm one of these anomalous intersex or genetic conditions and then depending upon whether Carrie wants to stay as a girl or become a boy determines what we do thereafter."

"I'm a girl, I don't want to be a boy, I'll never be a boy."

"It's okay, Carrie, I understand how you feel but we can't just flip a coin and say that's what will happen, we have to show we've done everything properly and that you and your parents made the decision after proper consultation and deliberation. It reduces the risk of mistakes and you suing me later because you changed your mind and want your breasts reduced or removed."

"My voice won't change, will it?"

"Not at present it won't but it sometimes does even if we put you on female hormones, which is why most women don't have little girl voices. But I understand your concern, especially after hearing you sing. You're not related to the American pop singer are you?"

"No, we just by coincidence, have the same family name," offered Penny.

"Some coincidence," he said his eyes widening.

As they reached the car Penny had a text from Rob to say he'd ordered a Chinese take-away so they hurried home to eat it while it was warm. They all had loads of questions and neither Penny nor Rob could understand why neither they or anyone else had noticed the absence of testes unless they simply thought they were undescended, sometimes they get stuck in the abdominal cavity but then they'd still be there, Carrie it seemed had none and all Rob could think of was a song they used to sing during the last world war which began, 'Hitler, he only had one ball...' and also had the line Goebbels had no balls at all.' Why it should enter his mind baffled him but it stayed like an earworm with the tune of Colonel Bogey.

The next morning, Thursday, Carrie awoke feeling washed out, she'd been told she might, all the emotional stress she was dealing with, was tiring. Her parents also felt pretty tired too, though Rob had checked on the health insurance policy and they were covered for the treatment so far and also the MRI, which can be very expensive.

Carrie planned a few practices and to do some extra work on playing her piano while singing. She realised that singing the songs as KC had done was actually clever stuff, the clever bit being the understanding the arrangement and why KC had sung them as she had and in some, there were several changes in key and between major and minor ones, which became more obvious when she compared the written music with the actual recorded version. Being a Carpenter's tribute act could be a bit harder than she originally thought, though if she got it right, she should have a product which people would pay to see or listen to and that could make her university costs somewhat easier.

After breakfast, she persuaded Tara to teach her how to do her own hair and that took longer than it should so it was lunchtime before they arrived at a style Carrie could do on her own and look as she wanted.

"I don't know, there are three women living in this house so how come I end up doing all the work?" asked Penny loudly as she served lunch. The teens both blushed but only Carrie felt guilty enough to offer to help her. "Good, you can help me prepare and cook our dinner tonight." Tara almost sighed in relief, she'd been passed over for chores, but it was premature, "And you, young woman, can do the laundry when we finish eating." Carrie noticed her blush and grimace at the same time and avoided making any movement or sound which could be seen as triumphalism because she knew their mum could find her extra chores too.

Before helping to get dinner, Carrie sang as she accompanied herself on the piano, some of Richard Carpenter's arrangements were quite fiddly, probably to show how clever he was, though he never seemed to make it as a soloist except when playing with the group. No, it was definitely Karen's singing which made them superstars and such a long time ago, she'd died at age thirty-two, so young and at the height of her fame and talent. It seemed that quite a few pop singers did usually by use of drugs or alcohol. She remembered talking to her dad about why this seemed to happen. Rob told her what he believed happened to some of them, living to perform because of the high they get while on stage, being the centre of attention and the energy of the performance which combines the energy of the performer, the music and that of the audience. Everyone gets a bit of it but the adrenaline that the performer secretes gives them the highest dose and it could be addictive, as addictive as some drugs.

He also explained that some of them were narcissistic personalities and needed to be the centre of attention while others could be quite introverted and those people often suffered from the ordeal of fame. Carrie had asked, 'But doesn't everyone want to be famous?' Rob explained that it may not be as pleasant as people thought, especially when you couldn't pop down the shop without someone asking for your autograph, or these days a selfie. Some love it, but it can be very wearing when you can't do anything without the risk of being pursued by fans. He told her of a story he'd heard about Paul McCartney of Beatles fame, who was once eating at a restaurant and was spotted by a fellow diner who pestered him for an autograph and was quite put out when McCartney pointed out that he was eating.

"Sometimes fans are so obsessed with their heroes or heroines that they imagine that they're good friends and have the same rights as good friends, which means approaching them without permission and expecting favours when they weren't really deserved. Just because someone has bought your album doesn't give them any extra rights except to play it when they wanted. Women stars often have it worse, especially if the fans are male and therefore usually bigger and physically stronger, which could lead to genuine risks of injury."

Carrie considered all these factors that Rob had raised and decided she didn't want to be a big star, it was too complicated and possibly dangerous, but she would still like to do the Carpenters' stuff because she enjoyed the music and knew she could give a reasonable rendition of Karen's voice and style. However she knew that ultimately she wanted to write and record her own music and songs and if she wanted to make a reasonable living, she needed to have fans who'd pay to hear her or buy her albums or downloads, so some sort of interaction would be necessary but she'd deal with that when it happened, what she hadn't foreseen was that being a Karen Carpenter soundalike, she would encounter both fans and exploiters in numbers and soon. Her main protection would be that of being a minor in English law and therefore too young to sign contracts of any sort, but it wouldn't necessarily stop them from trying.

The Joiners pt 9.

by
Angharad

Friday morning arrived and with it some anxiety and excitement, it suddenly occurred to Carrie that she would be on stage before goodness knows how many in the audience. It could be tens or even hundreds and if she messed up, it would be in front of this crowd. She knew that her mum would be there and so would Macey's and Colm, Tara and Macey would be with her but once she stood on the stage, she was on her own, with just the karaoke machine for support. It felt much more daunting than when she was more concerned with seeing doctors, that was still ongoing but now ordeal by karaoke was imminent. She felt quite sick.

Penny came to check on her younger daughter, which was how she tried to see her, feeling that any hesitation to do that could be seen by Carrie as a negative and while Penny wasn't over-enamoured with the idea of having two daughters, she knew that decision was up to Carrie and whatever that was she and Rob and Tara too, would support to the hilt. They were family and nothing or nobody came between them.

"C'mon, missy, up you get," said Penny to the pale looking face poking out of the bedclothes.

"Do I have to?" grumbled the reply.

"Yes, why are you having second thoughts about things?" she asked Carrie.

"Dunno, I suppose I'm nervous of looking like a total turnip on stage or someone calling out that I was actually a boy, or worse identifying me."

Penny sat on the edge of the bed, "I don't think any of those will happen, sweetie, you're a good singer and you also look quite a bit different as a girl from who you did as a boy and remember Diana will make you look even more different, she's well aware of all those things."

"I'm scared, Mummy," said Carrie in a small voice sitting up and Penny put her arm around her drawing her into a hug. "Scared of all this, what the doctors will say, will they think I'm crazy?" This was followed by a small sob and Penny pulled the hug a little firmer. Carrie wasn't the only one who was scared

"What will happen if my voice breaks while I'm singing?"

"Dr Jenkins said that wouldn't happen."

"But it could," whined Carrie.

"Carrie, it can't happen, you don't have a source of testosterone in you so it can't."

"He said he wouldn't be sure until they did the big scan."

"If you had testes he would have found them, he's pretty clever in that way and also it would have shown up in the blood test Judy did."

"So, I'm a girl then, so how come I've still got a willie?"

"All sorts of things can happen to a baby when it's in the womb, and besides he thought you might be intersex."

"What does that mean exactly?" Carrie sounded a little frightened of the term.

"It basically means that your body got a bit confused as it was forming and made you look a bit like a boy superficially, enough for the midwife to say you were a boy but because we didn't suspect things weren't quite as they seemed, everyone accepted it, but it looks as if it was a wrong diagnosis and that you could be either sex or a bit of both. No one is absolutely male or female and besides, you did nothing to cause it, so it's not your fault either way. It could be that the genes your dad and I produced were in some way different from the usual, which makes it our fault insofar as we caused it, but it was by accident because neither of us would want you to be anything but perfect, which you are in our eyes and we both love you and Tara to bits."

"I know, Mummy, but I don't want to be a nothing, I want to be a girl."

"I know, sweetheart, and I believe if you still feel that in a little while, we'll be able to help you achieve it. The same would be if you wanted to be a boy, we'd support you. It's your choice, sweetie-pie, we'll support you all the way,."

"I know, Mummy, it's just so scary. A week ago, I thought I was a boy who, would have preferred to have been a girl like Tara, but I was coping more or less. Now I don't know what I am."

"It will get easier as we find out what's what and then we can start to help you choose and become who you want to be." She hugged Carrie for a couple more minutes, "Come on, let's get some breakfast inside you, I'm sure that'll feel a bit better, then you can help me get the lunch."

"I was hoping to do some more rehearsing, do you mind, Mummy?"

"No, if that's what you want to do, just don't overdo it strain your voice."

"I hadn't thought of that, perhaps I'll come and help you then."

Carrie ate her breakfast some cereal and a piece of toast spread with butter and marmalade, Rose's lime variety, which was the only one she really liked. After that she helped her mother prepare the mince to make a cottage pie and then she helped peel the potatoes they would boil and mash to make the topping. As she was helping she found herself thinking that as a boy, she only helped when asked to and then it was washing up or nip down the road and get a loaf or cheese or whatever, she rarely helped with the food preparation and cooking and it was quite fun doing it with her mum. When her mum said, "This is nice teaching my younger daughter to cook, especially as your older sister never showed any interest in learning, but she shows up to eat it on time every day."

Carrie decided she wouldn't take sides and just shrugged but also felt a nice warm sensation in her tummy when her mother described, 'teaching her younger daughter,' that was magic. She also learned that slicing onions can be quite a tearful exercise, even peeling them is bad enough.

"Why are my eyes stinging, Mummy?" she asked.

"The onion gives off a gas which when it contacts the moist surface of the eye forms an irritant liquid, so word of advice, don't peel or slice onions while wearing eye makeup."

"I'm glad I wasn't," she retorted, "or maybe I'll not use onions when I'm cooking."

"They do help flavour meat and sauces especially in stews or soups and you can use them as a vegetable, liver and onions, sausage and onions. The Americans eat loads of them with hotdogs and other fast food, but they also eat a lot of different sauces we don't tend to use here."

"Do we eat things they don't?" asked Carrie, her eyes having stopped running while she sliced some mushrooms.

"Probably, we have various regional dishes that they probably wouldn't make, and things like toad in the hole and some of our pies and pasties only seem to be made in this country."

"Oh," said Carrie, "what like steak and kidney?"

"Probably, they don't eat as much offal as we do."

"Offal? What's that?"

"Things like liver and kidney, heart, sweetbreads, and tripe."

"Tripe? I thought that just a word meaning rubbish?"

"It is but it's also a dish made from the intestines of a cow. It's very popular in some northern parts of Britain and used to be eaten years ago when poor people couldn't afford more expensive bits of meat."

"Coo, you know a lot, don't you, Mummy?"

"Recognition at last, usually you both seem to treat me as if I'm pretty stupid."

"Oh we don't, Mummy, or we don't mean to. If I have done so then I apologise, Mummy, I'm really sorry." Carrie hugged her mother and began sniffing.

"Hey, don't cry, it's not important. Come here, give us a hug." Penny hugged her daughter until she seemed to regain control of her emotions, realising that things were very up in the air for the poor kid and the contest this evening would increase that stress, if only for one more day. While she didn't expect her daughter to win, she knew she'd make a good try and she also knew, she was becoming an accomplished singer and possibly a good musician generally, which she would help support and encourage Carrie to pursue, if only as a hobby.

They settled back down to making lunch, Penny reminding Carrie that she had an appointment at the salon at three o'clock. "Oh, I'd momentarily forgotten that," she said half dreading it.

"You'll enjoy it and remember that Diana will make you look even more different to how you used to, so nobody will recognise you."

"I hope not," or I'm dead was the bit she didn't say.

"What are you going to sing?"

"That depends upon how well I do, it may only be one song."

"Okay, what are you going to sing first?"

"I thought I'd do, 'We've only just begun,'."

"Well that's one of the Carpenter's standards, isn't it, so good choice. It's also not an easy song to sing well. What else?"

"If I get to the second round, 'Goodbye to love,' and finish with, 'Rainy days and Mondays,' she shrugged."

"All Carpenter's classics, what else would you sing if you had to do say an encore?"

"Encore? Are you serious, this me we're talking about."

"Yes, I know it's you, my lovely and beautiful younger daughter who is also very talented."

Carrie blushed like a stop light. "Can I get a reference from you if ever I need one?"

"Of course, so the encore would be?"

"Uh, 'Close to you,' or 'Yesterday once more,' I suppose I've been building up a sort of catalogue of songs if ever the tribute act happens."

"Or if the machine doesn't have that particular song on it or someone before you sings it."

"Oh poo, I hadn't thought of either of those, what do I do if either of those happens?"

"Sing one of the others, you don't have to do a Carpenter's song."

"Yes I do, it's what I've been rehearsing for to see if the tribute stuff is viable. It would be nice to have some money set-by for uni."

"I'm pleased to hear you talking about saving any money you earn."

"We'll have expenses too, Mummy, instruments, costumes goodness what else."

"And tax once you earn more than a certain amount."

"I doubt we'll earn that much, but it would be nice all the same."

"That's in the future, right you cream the potatoes while I get the meat and gravy ready for it to go on top."

"How do I cream potatoes?" Carrie looked completely bemused.

"Mash them first then add some slices of butter, mix it all together and possibly a bit of milk as well, just so it will spread easily on the meat and also it makes it brown better when we pop it in the oven."

For the next ten minutes, Carrie was completely involved in beating the living daylights out of a saucepan full of potatoes and then mashing in butter and a drop of milk until it was smooth and creamy.

"Good job, kiddo, right let's spread it on the top and pop it in the oven, with a slice or two of butter spread over the top to help with the browning of it." They did and left it for half an hour.

Penny heated a whole packet of frozen mixed veg to eat with the pie. "Aren't we keeping any for Daddy?" asked Carrie.

"No he's meeting up with a client for lunch so he'll only want a sandwich for his evening meal, you know he doesn't like to eat too much."

She looked disappointed that her dad wouldn't get to sample some of her cooking. Penny saw it and realised what she was thinking. "Okay, I'll see if we can save him a small portion," immediately Carrie's expression lifted. 'Oh dear, we have another daddy's girl, oh well such is life.'

The pie was very good although nerves depressed Carrie's usually healthy appetite so there was more than enough to leave some for Rob. Then after clearing up Carrie went and showered without wetting her hair and after dressing casually, they all went off to Diana's salon. Once she was being processed, hair, nails, makeup and advice on how to maintain things if some sort of global catastrophe happened. Diana kept it as simple as possible because she knew Carrie, although increasingly proficient at doing everyday makeup, and getting the basics of hair care, she hadn't had the benefit of doing it for ten or more years like Tara and Macey, and like most things, the younger you learn the easier they become.

Carrie had almost zoned herself out, she wasn't sure she liked being poked about by however well meaning hands. Having her hair washed and conditioned then cut and rollered with mousse and other chemicals being added. Then while she was drying under hooded hair-drier , someone came and started messing with her nails, repainting them with a gel colour and drying that under an ultraviolet light. At least they weren't pillar box red, which she always thought looked tarty on anyone that wasn't living in the 1990s, so the dark pink she approved. They didn't bother with her toenails which was a partial relief, she remembered she was wearing a court shoe with a closed toe. Damn, she'd have to wear the grey ones with the higher heels, just as well that Tara had made her practice walking in them, it was just that the flat shoes were so much more comfy. Oh well, what is they say about it takes effort to appear beautiful and sometimes some pain or discomfort. Why? Women seem cleverer than men, so why do they torture themselves? It might be to attract a man but she began to think the effort was either to show other women what they could do or for themselves. Once all this business was over and she was living as the girl it seemed her body meant her to be, she would dress just for herself, unless she was competing with Tara or Macey or trying to attract attention - oh poo, this psychology stuff was enough to make you need a shrink to sort you out. She then realised she'd probably need to see one of those soon anyway, from her researches on the internet, people who were moving from one gender to the other, transitioning, was the term used, it was supposed to be under the care of a mental health professional. She hoped if they found out she was really a girl, she might be able to miss some of those hoops, though she suspected there'd still be plenty of them to jump through to get where she wanted to.

"What do you think?" asked Diana having finished her hair and makeup. Carrie was aware she had stuff on her face because it felt unusual, not necessarily uncomfortable, just different. She glanced into the mirror and got quite a surprise, she looked three or four years older and quite a temptress. She leant toward the mirror and looked at the false eyelashes, these had been stuck on individually and weren't much longer than her normal lashes but with the mascara made her lashes look twice as thick and much more noticeable.

Her face was contoured and the shape made slightly more feminine, though she already had quite prominent cheekbones, making her a pretty boy and beautiful girl. She didn't know what she thought let alone be able to articulate it. She stuttered and mumbled, "Thanks, Mrs Copperthwaite, it looks um, great."

Fortunately, Diana was experienced in seeing young women being transformed by her makeup and hair skills being totally overwhelmed by the shock of how different they looked. She watched Carrie stand closer to the mirror and examine different parts of her face, she seemed fascinated to have painted eyebrows that were perfect in shape and symmetrical. Her eyelashes were so thick now and her nails, she really liked the colour and now she'd got used to the extra length, quite enjoyed it. Every bit of her screamed girl, there was no way she was ever going back to being a boy whatever the results of the tests or scans, she was a girl and she knew it and soon everyone else would.

The Joiners pt 10.

by
Angharad

Carrie thanked Diana for her makeover and Diana gave a short hug telling her to knock 'em dead that evening, Carrie replied she'd do her best.

Back at home, they had a light supper, just a sandwich, so she didn't feel weighed down with food. She felt more sick than weighed down but let Tara help her get dressed into the nice dress she was wearing, the stuck-on breast forms making it look much better than before and together with the makeup and the clip hair extensions, she looked so different that she wasn't sure who she was anymore.

Part of her felt good because it would make it harder to identify her and she also looked a few years older, but that could mean older boys or men hitting on her and that wasn't something she wanted to happen and she hoped the older girls would help her and besides her mum would be there.

After she'd finished dressing, she checked her makeup and finally sprayed some of her perfume on her throat and then misted some and walked into it. "Where did you learn to do that?" asked Tara, who she'd forgotten was with her, she was thinking fully about the contest and feeling quite sick again.

"Diana asked me if I had some perfume and told me how to apply it."

"Crikey, Carrie, you get more like a proper girl each day," it was out of her mouth before Tara thought about what she'd said and how Carrie might react to it. The latest about what the doctor had said tended to suggest she actually might be a girl or something in between and not a boy at all. If that was the case and the way she had said she didn't want to be a boy anymore, then she could get upset and then they'd have no chance of winning the competition.

While the girls were thinking about this, others were thinking about the competition with even baser motives. The manager of the hotel was smiling to himself and pleased that some talent would possibly appear that evening, such as the kid who came and reconnoitred the place and sang the Carpenter's songs, what was her name, something like Carpenter, the occupation rather than word? Oh yes, Joiner, that was her name. If she sang as well tonight, they might be able to convince her to sign a contract and make some money from her because kids like her were usually star-struck and ripe for exploitation. If she didn't turn up, oh well, there'd usually be another one who had more talent than acumen as well as all the timewasters. The rules of the competition had specified that the competitors had to have applied by a form at least twenty four hours before the competition date. He counted them up beforehand, they had ten entrants so not too many to clog up the evening and as long as there were two or three who could actually sing, it would keep the punters happy.

The whole point had been to discover some local talent that could be exploited to freshen up the weekend entertainments and thus bring in the punters who'd buy drinks and possibly the odd meal and thus pay off his debts and bring forth profits, not of the biblical sort.

Back at the Carpenters' house, Carrie was now ready, wearing her new coat and carrying the bag Diana had given her, Tara, amazingly, was also ready and they were both waiting for their mother. They'd agreed to meet Colm and Macey down at the hotel and were making small talk until Penny arrived and pulled on her coat and they went out to the car. Carrie's butterflies were approaching king condor size and she felt quite sick. Noticing, Penny told her to take slow, deep breaths and to try and relax, she would be fine.

About the time they arrived at the hotel, Rob came home and saw the note on the fridge. 'Carrie made you some cottage pie love, Penny.' He looked in the fridge and noticed it was just a portion and as there were no dead bodies lying around, he assumed it was safe to eat. He popped it in the microwave for a few minutes while he washed his hands and face. He remembered they were all at the karaoke thing.

He sat and ate the cottage pie which was really good and he enjoyed it, blushing when he thought about his doubts about its edibility before. He'd only been surprised because Tara did as little as possible in the kitchen, which he attributed to both he and Penny not trying to encourage her to acquire some life skills beyond using social media and flirting. Mind you she was a very pretty girl and rather frighteningly, so was Carrie. He did worry about her. Glancing at his watch, he wondered what time she'd be performing - then ran upstairs, called a cab and changed while it was coming to collect him. He arrived just as the competition was starting and Penny and all the others were astonished to see him, however, she decided it wasn't the time to ask why the change of heart. Carrie was delighted to see her dad and after giving him a huge hug, felt much more confident - whatever happened, he'd protect her.

They thought they'd drawn lots for the singing order but Jack, the hotel manager, who was also MC decided that from the choice of songs, the ones that knew what they were doing would be interspersed with those who probably had very little idea. He'd also seen one or two before and they were quite seasoned performers. At first, he didn't recognise Carrie, she looked so polished and poised compared to the young woman who'd visited the room days before, but he recognised the other three who were with her. Good, he'd put her on last after two other girls and a bloke who could actually sing a bit. His friend, the theatrical agent, was sitting to the side sipping his G&T and waiting to see who was who and what they could do.

Why do they always sing My Way, Sinatra's theme song? It was so hard to sing properly but there was always one, probably the least capable who was going to make a complete fool of himself in front of dozens of people. Jack looked around, the tables he'd put around the ballroom were filling up. It could be a better night than he anticipated, the little girl with the amazing voice was sitting with her dad and they were talking.

"Daddy, I wasn't expecting you, but it's brill to see you here."

"Well, after you so kindly cooked my dinner, how could I not come and tell you how much I enjoyed it."

Carrie blushed, "I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks for coming, it means a lot to me." He hugged her and she had great difficulty not messing up her eye makeup. She took some deep breaths and relaxed.

The first singer was a boy who effectively destroyed the Sinatra classic as Jack had predicted to himself. Next was a woman whose contralto voice was in parts very good but every now and again it went squeaky or cracked as she gave a rendition of a Cliff Richard song. And so the evening progressed until the last man sang beautifully, 'From Russia with love,' Carrie waited in the wings while Sharon, the woman in front of her did a very good version of 'I am a woman in love'. She had a very powerful voice, though once or twice she missed a few of the higher notes, but only a singer or other musician would notice, Carrie was one of them as was Jack's friend Maurice, who was also the judge for the night.

Sharon finished to loud applause, she was obviously very popular and had done this before. Carrie stumbled onto the stage in a bit of a dream. It was too late to be worried now, the executioner awaited, or it felt like that.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our last singer tells me she's never done this before, so please be gentle with her. I've heard her sing before and she is very good, please welcome, Miss Carrie Joiner."

The light came up on the machine and she waited nervously for the music to start and for her entry. "We've only just begun..." Maurice, the judge swallowed hard on his drink, if he closed his eyes, it could have been Karen Carpenter singing, amazing in someone so young, what was she sixteen or seventeen? but boy, she was a natural, except for the nerves, which were excusable. He'd certainly listen to what else she was going to sing and try and get her to sign on the dotted line.

The applause for Carrie was equally loud as with Sharon or the other performers, the audience was in a good mood. Maurice had prepared reports for all the singers, including the three who would progress to stage two.

He gently dismissed the lesser talents exhorting them to practice and to listen to how professional singers performed the songs and to copy them until they could improvise with their own versions, anyone can sing, but to sing well takes practice and, he didn't add, some talent. The three finalists were surprisingly two men and Carrie, who was excited to have got through the first round. Sharon stomped off in a sulk after failing to qualify and several tables of people emptied following her. They weren't empty for long.

Carrie wasn't really paying much attention to what the others were doing, their songs had been listed with the application form, so no one would repeat or copy someone else's choice, That had been one of Jack's big worries, them all singing the same song. After a fifteen-minute break, the first man sang Lennon and McCartney's Yesterday another standard from the karaoke circuit and his tenor voice carried it off very well. Carrie began to think he was likely to win. She took to the stage again, the rose between two thorns, as Jack described her. This time she sang 'Goodbye to love,' and the applause was rapturous again, the audience were so generous she thought as she'd sung it better at home. The other man sang Tom Jones' Delilah another karaoke standard and the audience liked it.

The three had to sing again and then the judge would give his pronouncement, 'with my luck that will probably be a life sentence,' thought Carrie unknowing what he was thinking and had he spotted all the mistakes she was sure she'd made.

They sang in the same order and this time, the first man sang a Neil Diamond classic to thunderous applause, Carrie was now sure he'd win it because he deserved to, he was good. Carrie sang the more upbeat song, 'Close to you,' and thought she did reasonably well but she thought at best she could only come second. The final singer let rip with 'Bridge over troubled water,' however, he didn't quite have Art Garfunkel's range and lost it on the higher notes. However, the audience clapped and whistled, so he was another local favourite.

The three waited for more of Maurice's opinions and scores. He said he liked them all and it was very difficult to decide, he then pointed out the mistakes they'd made and they all nodded in acknowledgement. "However, mistakes don't win competitions but they can lose them." He then awarded the final singer the third prize of twenty-five pounds.

'Oh well, I've won fifty quid,' thought Carrie not really listening to what Maurice was saying, so she nearly missed him awarding the fifty pounds to the other man. She was away in a little world of her own which was embarrassing as she was standing on the stage by herself as Maurice walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"It's unusual for a schoolgirl to beat two such mature performers but she has, she has so much natural talent and like the original singer of her chosen songs, she makes it seem so easy. I hope she has another one for an encore, because tonight's winner, ladies and gentlemen, is Carrie Joiner. He hugged her and left her standing on stage wondering what had just happened as the audience clapped and shouted, 'Encore.' Tara ran up and hugged her and got her a drink while she tried to think what else she could sing. Getting her thoughts under control once again she asked Jack if they had, 'Yesterday once more,' on the machine and he nodded, she nodded back. He held up his hands to quieten the audience and they became as silent as the grave, which was almost as unnerving as them being noisy.

"Carrie is going to sing another Karen Carpenter standard, 'Yesterday once more,' so give a big hand to Carrie Joiner, tonight's winner.

They clapped and shouted again and once the noise stopped and the music began, "When I was young I listened to the radio..." she closed her eyes and concentrated on singing it like Karen would have done and she almost felt her urging her on as she gave it everything. As she finished she felt the audience sending her their good wishes and she ended to rapturous applause.

"Tonight's winner, Carrie Joiner who I'm sure will be here again to entertain us with her fabulous talent, ladies and gentlemen, Carrie Joiner." He waited for the applause to end before adding, "That's it for tonight, folks, the bars are still open for another hour, so please enjoy yourselves."

With his arm around the shell shocked teen he walked her off the stage and she almost ran to hug her mother and father, who were effusive with their praise and even more so with their hugs. "I'm so glad you came, Daddy," she said to Rob who replied that he was too.

Maurice, who'd been circling like a shark, wandered up to the 'Joiner' family, "Your daughter has a real talent, it needs to be protected as she could have a real future in the music industry."

"Really?" said Rob though his sarcasm was lost on Maurice who had thicker skin than an elephant.

"Yes, she really needs an agent."

"Really?" said Rob again and once more it washed off Maurice's back like a duck.

"I could offer very good rates," he offered Rob his card, "she needs someone to develop her talent and to watch out for her, there are a load of sharks out there who look to exploit youngsters like her."

"You would know better than I." Rob again saw his wit wasted on the man, presumably he'd had more rebuffs than a first time author. "You realise she's only fourteen?" Rob added and this time Maurice took note.

"Oh, she can only perform so many hours while she's a child," he said seeing the pound signs dropping.

"With parental consent," said Rob, his arm around his younger daughter.

"Quite," said Maurice, "but I'd still like to see what I could do to nurture such a precocious talent."

"Nurture, is how we see her immediate future, she's studying music under a private coach," said Rob unsure if it was true or not.

"Is that a singing coach?" asked Maurice.

"No," said Carrie interrupting the adults, "I'm learning piano, guitar and drums."

"Drums?" gasped Maurice, not only does sing like Karen but she also plays the drums, surely that has to be an omen, like Karen reincarnated.

"Me an' my friends were thinking of putting together a Carpenters tribute band," Carrie was walking right into his parlour, as in spider and fly.

"Oh really, I think I could help with that, let me get back to you, Mr Joiner," he addressed Rob, "if you could give me a contact address?"

"I'd like to discuss this with the family first, but I'll get back to you, come on, girls, let's get home," with that, he gathered his family together and led them out towards the car.

The Joiners pt 11.

by
Angharad
Carrie went to bed feeling as if she was in dream as soon as she had stepped onto the stage, then something inside her had taken over, as if it knew what to do and how to do it. She had performed well, perhaps not as well as she had previously sung those same songs, but well enough to win. Whether that was fair and square she didn't know, but she knew that agent bloke, him from London, wanted her to win because he wanted o sign her up and if he had she could have been performing as a Carpenters' tribute band, which was partly what she wanted to do to make some money, especially as she might need to have some sort of operation down below. She wondered how much that would cost and how long it would take to earn it. If she used that agent bloke, probably forever, his suit looked expensive, so did his shoes and he presumably paid for them both via the sweat of his clients.

She's removed her makeup, which took longer than usual because she was wearing more than she normally did, but it made her look older and maybe that helped win the competition. That reminded her as she cleaned her teeth, what happened to the cheque she won. Bugger, she didn't have a bank account in that name, in fact she didn't have a bank account in the name of Carrie anything. How would she sort that? Her dad would know, he set up her original one. Wouldn't she have to change her name first and how do you do that? The internet would show her, but she'd have to have her mum or dad go with her to do it. What if they didn't want her to do it? Oh poo.

Exhaustion eventually made her sleep and she slept longer than she usually did, but it was a Saturday. Unbeknownst to her, Tara was arguing with Rob over the various shares in the prize.

"And what exactly did you do, Tara?"

"I sent in the application."

"By post?"

"No, Dad, email, it is the C21st you know?"

"I'm aware of that, Tara, I was before you were born."

"Oh yeah, well, if we won it we were going to split it four ways, equals, you know?"

"What did the others do?"

"Macey loaned us her karaoke machine, and Colm, well he's Colm."

"I think it was Carrie who did all the work, so I can't give you any of the cheque, Tara."

"But we had a deal with Carrie," she whined, "that is just so unfair."

"I can't give any to Carrie either."

"What, but she won it, the guy gave the cheque to her and she gave it to you."

"Yes she did, but the problem is, there is no one named Carrie Joiner, there's no one called Carrie Carpenter either, not officially anyway, so how were you going to cash the cheque?"

"Oh flip, Dad, that is just so unfair."

"It has nothing to do with fairness, it's about fact. Now we could change Carrie's name by a number of ways but statutory declaration is the easiest and cheapest and is as valid as the others, but she can't do that without your mum or me being with her."

"I think she wants to change it anyway," said Tara still smarting at the loss of her prize money.

I spoke with your mother last night and we're agreed that we don't want them to know Carrie's real surname, especially as it's Carpenter, it would be too big a coincidence to easily avoid interest from the media, and with online media as well these days, we could have reporters or correspondents knee deep in the driveway. So if she continues singing, we have to keep the lid on this really tight, okay?"

"Yes Dad," she sighed, "Why d'ya think I told him her name was Joiner. I thogught that was pretty good for thinking on my feet."

"It was very clever, Tara, but then I have never doubted your cleverness, but it doesn't always stop you getting into scrapes, does it? Nor involving your br - sister."

"But, Dad, this is the first time I've involved Carrie."

"That may be because she's only been your sister for a week."

"So are you gonna let her sing for some pin money?"

"If that chap in the sharp suit is her agent, I suspect all she'd ever get is pin money. She has a genuine musical talent and personally, I should like to see her study piano or another instrument under a proper tutor. She spoke about studying music at university, I think that would be the best thing she could do, but I have my doubts that many of today's pop stars were properly trained."

"Rick Wakeman was, Carrie said so the other day."

"I'm well aware he was classically trained as a pianist, but how many of the others were, I wouldn't like to guess."

"But if they're naturally talented, why should they wait another three or four years to make any money?"

"Because the extra skill they'll acquire will be an enormous help as well as learning how to deal with composition and arranging and other skills. Not everyone who is good at music wants to perform for a living, many teach or offer backroom services."

At this point Carrie wandered in, yawning and dressed very casually. "Look, Dad, there is life after death," said Tara loudly and Carrie tried to laugh and yawn at the same time and almost choked. Tara's wit was well known in the family and sadly Carrie was often the butt of it, but she didn't seem to mind, especially as sometimes got one back and that was very nice feeling.

She stumbled out to have some cereal for her breakfast, it was after ten so Penny told her not to eat too much as she was cooking lunch and Carrie was helping her.

"How come I have to help, Tara gets away with it every time."

"Put it this way, darling, would you like to eat a meal Tara had cooked?" asked Penny.

"Uh, probably not, I mean she'd likely poison us the first time so she wouldn't have to cook again," was Carrie's retort.

"Dressed to kill and cook the same way," muttered Penny chuckling to herself, which Carrie found amusing and laughed with her.

"Look out the coven's in session," said Tara.

"What?" asked Carrie.

"All this cackling, where did you park your broomsticks? Daddy wants some more coffee."

"He didn't send you to make it, did he?" challenged Carrie.

"No, I offered, so there." Penny half expected her to stamp her foot and stick out her tongue like she used to when she was little, a habit acquired by Carrie until a boy told her she sounded like a little girl. It stopped very soon afterwards.

"What for lunch, anyway?"

"Baked potatoes," said Penny.

"I wondered what I could smell." Tara made the coffee and retreated back to the lounge to continue her attempt to get her paws on some of the money, but Rob held firm.

"Can't we just sign the back and put it into the bank?"

"Once upon a time you could, but the banks are much harder to use these days because they seem to feel everyone is out to do them."

"What the biter bit?"

"Probably," smirked Rob he had great relationship with his children it was just a pity they didn't like electric train layouts. He had hoped Cary would but he proved even less impressed with it than Tara. Still, it did have the advantage that Rob would be left alone when he was tinkering with it. Every cloud had its silver lining.

In the kitchen, the domestic goddesses were making salad to go with the potatoes, Penny made her own coleslaw, she had a shredder thing on her food processor. It was few years old now but she smiled to herself when Tara on hearing this wondrous machine could do anything, asked it could make Cary her sister and could she have a new dress too. Penny looked at number two daughter slicing tomatoes and wondered if Tara's request had been granted by the mysterious deity, Ken Wood.

While they ate, Rob asked what was going to happen about school and Carrie? The short answer was, she couldn't attend her current school, it would be too risky. But as they'd been on half term, Penny hadn't been able to get hold of the other school, which was about the same distance away but in the opposite direction. It seemed to have a reasonable reputation but whether they'd have any places, was another matter."

"Judi gave me a note saying that our child would be on sick leave while various test were carried out and suggested they could take several weeks."

"Won't the school want to know what's wrong with her?" asked Tara.

"They can't under data protection unless it's a notifiable disease, such as some sort of contagious fever."

"Does that mean I have an extended half term?" said Carrie smiling broadly.

"No, because I'll ask them to send you stuff either via Tara or the internet, the latter may be better, because Tara's likely to forget to collect it," said Penny.

"Oh it's let's get Tara day, is it? At least my head isn't full of stupid old pop songs." She rose from the table and stomped off into the garden where she discovered it was raining so she wandered down to the various sheds and ended up sitting at Carrie's drum kit and tapped away before letting rip until she was almost exhausted when as she stopped she saw someone with a telephoto camera pointing it at her. She screamed and ran back into the house. Once Rob understood what the hysterical girl was saying he ran out and down the drive just in time to see a large BMW drive off. He didn't get the number either but they would get some gates fitted which were difficult to climb over and would be kept locked. Being an architect he knew someone who could do it for them quite quickly.

"They must have thought you were Carrie," Penny said to the still whimpering Tara.

"It was horrible, Mummy," she said sniffing, while Carrie looked on wondering if that was the case and in which case why? She'd won a local karaoke contest not some national TV thing with Simon Cowell."

Just then the phone rang, it was Macey asking if they'd seen the hotel website and the local rag's website. Carrie went off to investigate. She heard Rob talking downstairs and called him up. The hotel was running a video of her winning the contest and then doing her encore, the paper had the same videos running, declaring her the voice of the century or some other hyperbolic nonsense and referring to her as local schoolgirl, Carrie Joiner. Rob watched the videos and wondered if they had been given permission to film them. He called Tara and she thought she'd signed a waiver that they could take photos or make recordings.

"If they know where we live, it won't be long before they discover our name is really Carpenter and then the ox waste will hit the rotating air circulator," said Rob grimly.

"What does that mean?" asked Tara with Penny standing behind her.

"The shit hits the fan," said Carrie smirking.

"Oh," said Tara grimacing.

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Penny.

"I very much doubt it, but I will ring the police as we don't want any further trespassers coming into the garden or up to the outhouses. He went off to look up the number for the local police headquarters to make a call he knew would take much longer than in the old days when you spoke to the desk sergeant who sent someone round and everything was sorted. Nowadays, they ask so many questions and that's before you speak to a copper, if you ever do. He's shut the gate, but it was hardly more than a token and any fit young man would be able to climb over it very easily. He was tempted to nip down to the local farmer's supplies warehouse and buy some electric fencing and a battery, but it is designed to keep stock in not humans out - 'nah you'd need something wired into the mains for that,' he muttered to himself as he waited on the phone for the police to answer.

The police were sympathetic but unable to help much, of course if he saw anyone else he should call them. Whoever he spoke to kept very calm when Rob suggested they'd be long gone before the police arrived. "Yes sir, but if they know we're on our way..."

"They'd have time to pop in the pub and have couple of drinks before you got here."

"Now now, sir, we are extremely busy and short staffed after government cuts."

"Yeah, well don't blame me, I didn't vote for this shower, couldn't run a bath let alone a country."

He put the phone down feeling frustrated and worried. He had made them take a note of his name and address, but they had strongly advised him not to take the law into his own hands. His reply caused the police spokesperson to urge caution and not to break the law.

When he was telling Penny later that evening and she asked what he'd said that had upset the police. "Oh that, I simply said if I catch anyone anywhere near my two girls, I'll write my own laws and enforce them."

"What?" gasped Penny, but you're always so calm and unruffled.

"We have two young women here, one of whom is particularly vulnerable at the moment, I don't know what I would do if I caught anyone near them, I really don't."

"Daddy, why don't we do something like this?" Carrie arrived with her iPad and showed her parents a relatively inexpensive videocam system that ran on wi-fi and would support half a dozen cameras."

"Well done girl, I'll speak to Derek tomorrow, I suspect he could do something a bit better than that and within a few days, I'm going to get a lockable gate put in as well."

"What an electric one?" asked Carrie.

"Not at the moment, but I'll get him to put one in that could be motorised later if we want it."

"What with a doofer thing?" Carrie smirked clicking her fingers on an imaginary controller.

"It's called a remote controller, Carrie, not a doofer."

"When I retire, I think I'll invent some and called the brand, Doofers."

"Not doofus, then?" said Tara loudly making them all laugh.

They were all laughing before they went to bed but once they got there, none of them slept that well and at one point Carrie went into Tara who was crying in her sleep and got into bed with her, after which Tara went back to sleep but Carrie didn't. As she lay there in the wee small hours, she wondered if it was worth doing the Carpenter's tribute thing if this was what it was going to be like. It seemed unlikely, it would surely die down in a day or so and she felt this presence which had given her courage to go on stage, approved of her intention to continue. It was all in her imagination but as she dropped off to sleep, she sighed, "Night Karen."

The Joiners pt 12.

by
Angharad
The next morning, everyone seemed tired and niggly, presumably because none of them had slept well. Rob rang his friend Derek and asked him to look at several things and to replace the gate with more difficult ones to climb over and also to fit some sort of surveillance kit to see if anyone was outside in the garden or grounds.

Derek had arrived as Rob was taking Carrie off to town. "Where are we going, Daddy?" she asked him.

They got into the car and Rob asked, "Are you sure you want to be a girl?"

"You know I do," she said back as if she was disappointed with him.

"I'm going to take you to the solicitors and we can change your name officially. If that's what you want to do?"

"Oh yes, Daddy," she attempted to hug him though the seat belt made it difficult.

"I expect the solicitor will ask you him or herself anyway, but only say yes if it's really what you want. Remember, once the declaration is made and signed, it is your official name."

"Yeah, so?" she looked bemused by him.

"It means you won't be Cary anymore, you'll be Carrie and if you wish to revert back to being a boy, it will no longer be as easy as it was changing to a girl. I just want to realise, this is not something you do on a whimsy, do you understand?"

"Why are you trying to put me off?" she had to fight back the tears for a moment.

"I'm not, sweetheart, I'm just trying to make sure you understand the magnitude of what we're going to do. As long as you do, that's fine and if you are still happy to do it, then I will take you there and support you."

"Thank you, Daddy, I think I'm ready." Rob nodded and they drove into town without anything else being said. They managed to park in the solicitor's own car park and went into the office holding hands. Carrie felt a little nervous as they stood waiting at the desk.

"Can, I help you?" asked the young woman in the white blouse and tight black skirt.

"I hope so, we need to make a statutory declaration."

"Right," she looked at a computer screen, "we have someone who can do this for you in a few moments, who shall I say it's for?"

"My name is Carpenter and it's for a change of name."

"Thank you, please take a seat." They sat in the waiting area and Rob heard his phone peep. His builder friend, Derek, had sent him a text to say he'd ordered a gate and it would lock. He'd also ordered some video cameras and they'd be linked by wi-fi to a computer. He'd start installing the cameras the next day and also some motion activated lights. By the time Rob had read his text and replied, a woman in her thirties was standing at the desk and calling him.

Carrie grabbed his hand again and the woman, who was wearing a very nice tailored suit in a dark grey colour, led them into the office. She had a laptop with her. She asked them what they wanted to do.

"This is my daughter, Carrie," said Rob. The woman nodded. "Until quite recently, we thought she was my son, but medical investigations have shown us otherwise and she would like to change her name from Cary to Carrie."

"How old are you, Carrie?" asked the woman, an Eileen Dawson.

"Fourteen, Ms Dawson."

"You realise that once this is done it is your legal name?"

"Yes, Daddy explained that to me."

"And you really want to do this?"

"Yes, I'm a girl and I need a girl's name."

She showed them the text on her computer of the declaration and asked again if it what was wanted, when they both said it was, she sent a copy to the printer in reception and left them for a few moments to go and collect it. Once back she asked them to read it again and then they both signed it, as Carrie was a minor. She then countersigned and stamped it. Rob paid the required fee, which wasn't much. She shook hands with them both and wished Carrie good luck with her new life. She placed the document in an envelope and they went out and shifted the car to a car park in town.

"Where are we going now, Daddy?"

"The bank."

"Oh do you need some money?"

"With you around, girl, it doesn't last very long." He grinned at her as she blushed. They said they needed to speak to someone about an account which would need changing. Once again they sat and waited, this time Carrie had a text from her mum asking them to get some more bread and milk on the way home. She showed it to Rob who asked where did Penny buy her bread, Carrie said she show him.

Eventually, they met with a middle-aged woman in a bank uniform, a jacket and trousers with a blouse bearing the logo of the bank. She took them through to a cubicle and they explained to her what had happened and that Carrie needed to take over Cary's account. Rob showed her the name change they'd just done. She took it and went off to photocopy it, and came back with two copies, she gave the spare to them along with the original and scanned the other one into the computer. She took details of Cary's account and after a few minutes on the computer, she told them she had changed everything and they'd get a letter confirming that. Rob then explained about the cheque and the discrepancy in surnames. Once she understood she went on the internet and saw the local paper website and the results of the competition with a photo of Carrie holding the cheque. She asked Carrie to sign the back printed off details of the account and went off returning five minutes later with a receipt, saying that there was now a cheque for a hundred pounds deposited in her account.

She told them that the account would be in the name of Carrie Carpenter (Joiner) and in future any such cheques would be easily paid in, though credit or bank transfers were much quicker and easier.

"Wow, Daddy, you're really clever, aren't you?"

"I'm fairly bright, Carrie, but I'm also better versed in what happens in the world mainly through experience. You deserved that cheque, so don't tell Tara and the others we've paid it into the bank."

"But we agreed to share it between us, Daddy."

"I don't see they did much to help so shouldn't have much from it, but as you're saying they should, we'll give them ten pounds each and you keep the rest."

"But doesn't seem fair, Daddy," Carrie protested as they walked to the Real Bread Shop, an artisan baker, "If the situation was reversed, I don't think Tara would be complaining I wasn't paying you too much. Carrie shrugged and only spoke when Rob asked her what bread they needed. He bought a couple of cottage loaves and half a dozen rolls. Then on the way back to the car they got a large bottle of milk and drove home.

The gate was more secure and Rob could see where Derek was planning to do things the next day as he'd marked them with aerosol paint spray. Carrie rushed in and showed them the certificate of her name change and both Tara and her mother hugged her. "Don't I get one, too?" asked Rob and she threw herself at him and nearly knocked him over, but he got a very tight and emotional hug from her.

He took the form to file away in his office in the house and she went upstairs to freshen up, she realised something quite important had happened and she needed to think about it quietly. She sat in her chair in front of her computer and stared at the photocopy of the form she held in her hand. It said she completely refuted her previous name in favour of the new one and that this would be her name from now on. In some ways she felt good, it was what she wanted, wasn't it? Or was it? Inside her a little fragment of Cary felt quite distraught, he was effectively gone, but no one had asked him.

Carrie felt herself tear up and she wept for the loss of Cary. She hadn't thought of it before and she could see now what the adults were asking her, except she couldn't see it then and now it was too late, Cary was gone, he no longer existed legally, as far as she understood. It was actually a bit more complicated than that but it was the beginning of the process and she felt sad, almost in mourning.

Tara came in and seeing her looking sad asked what was up. Carrie tried to explain it. "Well you should have told Dad if you didn't want to do it," was her opinion.

"I did want to do it, but I didn't realise I'd feel sad about it, but I do."

Tara gave her hug and rubbed her back. "Cary hasn't really gone, he's just turned into something better who also happens to be someone better."

"What? What d'you mean?"

"Well, he's turned into a girl hasn't he? and he's not Cary but Carrie, and I love having you as my sister all the time now, better than a brother." They hugged again and both smiled.

"Have you been crying, sweetie?" asked Penny when Carrie came down for a cuppa.

Carrie shrugged.

"Your eyes look all red, so have you?"

Carrie's eyes filled up again and Penny wrapped her up in a huge hug whereupon she burst into tears and sobbed for several minutes. Rob had gone off his office in town for a meeting so Penny had to deal with it. She sat down on a dining room chair and Carrie perched on her lap hugging her as if she was trying to hide in her arms.

"What's the matter, sweetie-pie?" asked Penny.

"I don't know," sobbed a very faint voice.

Penny rubbed her back and whispered reassurances, "Let it all out, sweetheart, let out all your sadness and uncertainty. You're safe here with us, no one will hurt you while I'm here."

"I know," said the tiny voice in huge contrast from the dulcet tones which had won the karaoke competition.

"So what's worrying you?"

"I feel sad."

"And why is that, my darling?"

"It feels like Cary has died."

"Ah," said Penny, "are you regretting what you did this morning in changing your name?"

"No, I know we had to do it, but I feel sad for Cary."

"He hasn't died, sweetheart, he'll always be a part of you but he had to make way for you to develop and grow. So he hasn't gone so much as faded into the background and all he was and knew can be included in who you are now and will be in the future, your music and your ideas, your love for your family and our love for you. We all still love that bit of you that holds Cary safe and we love Cary too. Does that help?"

"Yes, thank you, Mummy," the sobbing eased to sniffs and after giving her a tissue to wipe her nose and eyes, Penny went on to make a pot of tea. "Where's Tara?" asked Carrie.

"Gone to meet up with Macey, why?"

"Oh," said Carrie, She didn't say anything to me."

"She is a free agent, within certain limits," said Penny pouring the tea.

"I'd just got used to having her around."

"I know she's closer to you as a sister because you're her sister now, but she still has her own friends and will go off to see them. You knew this as her brother and it didn't seem to worry you, why should it now?"

"I had Colm before, I don't now, I don't have anyone now."

"You will when you go to a new school, you're a nice girl and you'll make plenty of friends."

"I didn't before, did I?"

"I think we all know why, now, don't we?"

"Maybe," said Carrie.

"Oh come on, girl, if you start a new school like that, you won't make any friends, you have to be prepared to like them as well, you know?"

"Yeah, okay." Carrie took her tea up to her room and played on her keyboard. She wasn't playing any particular tune or melody just translating how she felt into sound which ranged from discordant to almost heavenly, she was lost in a trance for several minutes and then she stopped, picked up the Carpenter's song book and began to play the music for Only Yesterday

Then she began to sing along to the music sounding remarkably like Karen Carpenter again, though without the backing of the recorded version. It was obvious from a number of the various videos that they were miming or lipsynching, as they sometimes called it these days, because Carrie had learned that Richard Carpenter spent ages mixing and playing around with the recordings and that they laid several tracks of their own backing on top of the original track. It must be difficult to back yourself while you're actually singing, thought Carrie, then realised with the karaoke machine, it wasn't, or you could lay down the backing track and sing along to it live. She'd have a think about that, though she might need some special software to be able to record the backing while allowing her to play it while singing or playing the drums or piano.

Life just seemed to get more and more complicated and Carrie was still playing with the same song when Penny came up to see where she was and listened to her singing and playing oblivious to her mum watching and listening to her. Penny was in awe of how good she was and still only fourteen. If her talent wasn't just a flash in the pan, she could really make a name for herself and not by copying Karen Carpenter, but by writing and playing her own material. 'I hope she remembers her poor parents when she's a mega star earning millions,' thought Penny to herself.

Only Yesterday https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evETS8_WFGE

The Joiners pt 13.

by
Angharad

Carrie stayed indoors most of the time as the builders were busy doing things in the drive. She did go shopping with her mother a couple of times and managed to cadge some more tights and a new lip gloss. She was definitely on her own now, as the others had gone back to school but the school had sent her some work to do via the internet all she had to do was remember to use her old name when she sent it back to them for marking.

Judi Herring phoned and asked them to come and see her, Penny accepted the last appointment so it wouldn't put her friend under such pressure if she knew there were no further patients. Carrie had been slopping around the house in jeans and a tee shirt with just a cardigan when it got cooler but she treated the visit to the doctors as an event and put on a dress. She'd had the MRI scan and they hoped this was going to explain what exactly was going on in her body.

She smoothed her dress under her as she got in the car and all the way to the health centre she felt anxious, what if it showed she was really a boy? She'd just die, she really would. She was so focused on her possible dilemma that she didn't notice they'd come to a stop, Penny having parked the car in the health centre car park. "Ready?" she asked her daughter. No answer was forthcoming. "Carrie, are you ready?" she asked a little louder and Carrie visibly started. "Okay?" she asked Carrie.

"I don't know, what if the scan shows I'm a boy?" she looked very anxious.

"The scan won't determine who you are, darling, all it can show is a few body parts."

"But I've just got used to the idea that I'm not a boy physically so if it shows I am, I'll just die."

"No you won't, I think if it does show anything it will be dysfunctional."

"What d'you mean, Mummy?" she still looked very concerned almost frightened.

"That it doesn't work. Your body is not getting more masculine if anything it's becoming more female, so if you have any boy parts they clearly don't work."

"I hope so," Carrie sighed.

"Come on, let's go and see what Judi wanted to see us for."

Of course Judi was running late and despite Carrie having a music magazine to look at, she was fidgeting and sweating, unable to relax waiting for the executioner's axe to fall. Finally, when she thought they were going to wait all night, Judi called them into her room.

"Sorry Carrie, took me a moment to find all the reports I needed." they sat down beside her desk. "Right this is what your insides look like when viewed through magnetic resonance images." She turned the screen so they could see it more easily. "Now I'm no expert on interpreting these things but I know a man who is." She picked up a sheet of typed paper, "There are no sign of testes, this is therefore not a male abdomen, there are rudimentary ovarian and uterine structures though the pubis has closed over and urethra appears to have lengthened possibly as a result of some masculinisation during the foetal development. So this is an undeveloped female abdomen."

"So I really am a girl?" said Carrie not entirely certain of what she'd just seen.

"Yes, an undeveloped one or underdeveloped. Now whether we can encourage the structures to grow or whether they'll need removing, we need to determine and for that you'll need to see a paediatric gynaecologist."

"I didn't know we had such things," said Penny.

"If I have girl bits, why have we got to remove them?" Carrie was looking very confused.

"Sometimes when these structures only partly form, they can become diseased and that means we have to remove them to protect the rest of your body. But if you look here, these hair like structure are fallopian tubes, they should be bigger than that and they might all possibly grow with the right instructions."

Carrie patted herself on the tummy and said loudly, "Grow, girly bits. Right I've told them," she said to the two women who were laughing loudly.

"Uh no, Carrie, the instructions need to come from hormones."

"Oh yeah, hormones are messenger substances, we did that in biology."

"Absolutely right, they make things happen in your body, sex hormones make your secondary characteristics develop..."

"Or not," quipped Carrie.

"Well, something is happening because you're developing some slight breast structure and your hips are wider than the average boy's."

"So why can't I just take hormones?"

"It's not that straightforward, young woman, and you are a young woman, if we just give you hormones it may have an effect upon the uterus or your ovaries but the effect may be to make them bigger or it could be to make them diseased. So we need to send you to an expert to see if we can predict what will happen if we start giving you hormones to kick-start things."

"If she develops the normal reproductive set, how will the uterus - um - you know deal with menses?" asked Penny.

"If that happens we'd need to create a cervix, there may well be tissue there already and labia and shorten the urethra."

"Surgically?" asked Penny quietly.

"Uh yes, whatever happens, Carrie is going to need some surgical intervention to either restyle what should have been there or to remove any diseased tissue."

"I'm gonna need an operation, like a sex change?"

"Carrie, you won't be having a sex change, you are XX chromosomes, you're female, what operation you will need will depend upon the advice of the experts and what these bits inside you are doing. Something else I have to tell you, is because of the external appearance, they will also ask you if you would like to stay as a boy."

"What?" gasped Carrie, "no bloody way, I'm female. I'm female, Mummy, I never was a boy, I was right all along." she hugged her mother with tears in her eyes, "I'm a girl, I'm a girl, yippee."

"Yes, I know sweetheart, and I'm so pleased for you but we're not out of the woods yet, you're a special girl and will still need the help of some very clever doctors and nurses to enable you to live like a normal one."

"Yeah, I know all that, but I really am a girl, Mummy. It wasn't all in my head, it was my body, I was right, I was right." Tears were running down Carrie's face as she dealt with the news. She was triumphant in her self-belief, she had been right and okay they had some bits to sort, she'd deal with that later, today, she was going to celebrate being what she always wanted to be and always thought she was. This was the best day of her life.

They arrived back at home and the casserole Penny had made using the slow cooker was filling the kitchen with wonderful, mouth-watering aromas but Carrie was too excited to think of food, she was as high as a kite and ran in throwing herself at her father who hugged her, "I'm a girl, Daddy, I'm a real girl, I've got girl bits inside me, I'm a real girl." Once ensconced in his arms, she burst into tears repeating her mantra, "I'm a real girl," over and over.

"No one ever doubted you were, Poppet," cooed her dad as he held her sobbing body while Tara looked on in surprise.

"You really have got a sister," said Penny quietly to Tara.

Tara's eyes got larger before she replied, Oh wow, that's um, great. Yeah, I'm really glad."

The evening went in a blur for Carrie, she did manage to force down a small plate of casserole and despite her worries she wasn't sick. Penny had copies of both the reports of the buccal cell chromosome test that the endocrinologist had done and also the one from the radiologist who'd interpreted the MRI scan. Penny also said quietly to Rob after the two girls had gone upstairs to phone Macey, about the probability that some sort of surgery was inevitable either to correct the external genitalia and or to check or remove the internal sex organs.

"That's a bit harsh isn't it? Waiting until you're fourteen to discover you have them only to find they have to take them away in case they go bad. What rotten luck."

"I thought that when Judi was telling us, the irony and the poignancy of it all. I know it's all simply bad luck and while she's rejoicing now, there might come a time when she's distressed because they want to take the bits away in case they're cancerous, which is what Judi said sometimes happens, so she'd going to need biopsies before too long and an appointment with a paediatrician who can sort out gynae stuff as well, and also with a surgeon, hopefully one who won't want to remove everything on spec. Judi said there was a small chance the bits would grow with the right sort of hormones."

"Life has its bittersweet moments," said Rob staring into the glass of red wine he held. "That casserole was delicious, Pen."

"Good, I'm thinking if we were tissue compatible, and Carrie's bits aren't saveable that perhaps she could have mine, I don't plan on having anymore children."

"You'd do that for her?" asked Rob, eyes widening.

"Yeah, wouldn't you?" Penny smiled back at him.

"I don't know, probably a kidney if it was necessary, so yeah, I suppose I would, though being a red blooded male, I ain't got no girly bits, but my boy bits are in fine working order, missus."

"Ask me later," she said quickly when the clomp of footsteps clattered down the stairs and into the dining room.

"I've been looking on the internet," said an out of breath Carrie, "they can do all sorts of things now, there's this place in America..."

"Hold your horses, young woman, we have to deal with the local people first and I suspect America might be out of our price range, sorry an' all that, but we have to keep this in some sort of perspective. Now just remember, twelve hours ago you had no idea that any of this was happening, so let's all calm down and get Judi to organise appointments to see whoever we have to see. I shall inform the company who we have the health insurance with what has been discovered and see how much they'll let us do privately. As it's all natural stuff, I hope they'll pay for visits for assessment and any surgery that's necessary. If not we'll have to use the good old NHS as we can.

"Besides we need to go cautiously, we don't know what these bits are like inside you and if we can get them to develop safely, all well and good, if not then they'll have to go, but that will be a last resort and if we can save them, let's try and do that. This could take months or years to correct, Carrie, so we're not rushing at it like a bull at a gate, okay?"

"Yes, Daddy, it's just I've waited for years for this."

"I know, sweetheart, so a bit longer shouldn't be that difficult, the important thing is that we can say you are a girl and we have evidence to support it, I shall write to the registrar's office and send them copies of these documents and see if we can get your birth certificate changed as the original was issued in error. So we've plenty to keep us busy while we wait for the doctors to get themselves ready.

"Think of this as a war or campaign not a single battle, some things that happen will be desired some will be very much unwanted or even not wanted. We have to deal with all of these, but at the end of the day, you will still be a girl, still be a female that they can't take away from you unless you want them to. So you're not changing your sex, you're just confirming it."

"I think that's what some transgender people say about their surgery, Rob."

"They don't do they? Oh bugger."

Penny put her hand on her husband's shoulder, "You're a good man, Rob, and I only know these things after reading stuff on the net, there's loads of it, some is really interesting, some is off the wall and some seems to be written by people who are either trying to make a point which is lost in translation or they are bitter and twisted. Mind you, when you read of things that went on years ago, some of them have a perfect right to feel that way."

"Where did you see all that, Mummy?" asked Carrie, her parents forgetting she was there for a moment.

"I can't remember now, sweetie, but there's all sorts of rubbish plus an apparently thriving element of fiction ranging from stuff you could read to your maiden aunt and some which would be considered relatively hard core pornography."

"That's no good, Mummy, I'm not allowed to read porn," complained Carrie, "and it might be nice to read something with people like me in it."

"You're a girl, so mainstream fiction should be fine for you," said Penny blushing.

"Yeah, but I'm not a normal girl am I and I may never be one, so why can't I read some fiction about people like me?"

"All right, I saw one site that might have some suitable stories, one about a locksmith girl or something like that and another about some kid who rides a bike and can't decide if he's male or female, but they may be suitable. We'll look tomorrow, off to bed with you now, sweetheart, and tell Tara half an hour."

"Yeah, okay," Carrie kissed and hugged both her parents and went off up to bed passing the message on to her sister. They both hugged as well.

"I'm glad you're a proper girl," she said giving Carrie a squeeze.

"I'm not yet, sis, but I'm gonna get there."

"I know, and I'm gonna help you all I can."

"Thanks, Tar," she kissed her big sister on the cheek and went to bed.

The Joiners pt 14.

by
Angharad
Carrie spent a disturbed night dreaming that they'd taken all her girly bits away and some horrible man sneering at her, "There, you'll have to stay as a boy." She burst into tears feeling powerless against this horrible man when her sister rushed in, grabbed her wrist and pulled her away, "Come with me, Carrie, I've got all your bits in this jam jar, I'll help you put them back when we get home." They rushed off together and Carrie woke up realising that she was in bed and no one had done anything to her.

She thought of Tara running about with a jam jar full of body parts and decided she'd go for a wee before trying to sleep again. Dreams are often described as silly or funny or strange because we don't understand what exactly is happening in our minds while they are running. Some believe it's our unconscious self trying to talk to the conscious mind only they don't speak the same language. Others suggest it's the brain filing away all the things that have happened since you last slept. No one is certain quite what happens in dreams but we do know if you are prevented from sleep and from dreaming sleep it affects mental health and can cause awful problems to mood and cognitive thinking. So we all need some dreaming sleep.

Carrie awoke late the next morning, the euphoria of the day before substantially diminished, she washed and dressed afterwards realising it was after ten o'clock and everyone else was out. Tara had gone to school, Rob had left for work two hours before and Penny was out shopping for groceries.

The phone rang while Carrie was making herself some toast and she answered it reluctantly. "Hello?" she said wondering if she could talk with a mouthful of toast, well, she was hungry.

"Hello, it's Dr Herring, is that Carrie?"

"Yes, Dr Herring."

"I'm trying to get someone to have a look at you to see what we need to do, I've got some possible appointment times, could you ask your mum to give me a ring?"

"Of course I will."

"Don't worry, girl, we'll get you sorted as best we can."

"I know, thanks for all your help, we do appreciate it."

"I know, young lady. I have to go." She rang off and after taking a very unladylike bite of toast, Carrie wrote a note for her mother to call Dr Herring."

Carrie had finished her toast and cup of tea by the time her mother returned. "Dr Judi called you, can you call her back?" said Carrie who was struggling to bring the laundry basket down from the bathroom.

"Okay, sweetheart, sort it into whites and colours before you load the machine, do the whites first, do a sixty wash. I need a cuppa, look you make the tea and I'll load the washer." So that was what they did. Then they packed away all the shopping and while Penny rang her friend, Carrie started making the cheese salad rolls they were having for lunch, just the two of them.

"We'll need to do something about schooling," said Penny as they ate their lunch.

"I'm not going back to my old school, they'd kill me." Carrie looked quite anxious when she spoke and Penny told her that was unlikely but the other school was the other side of town and pupil placements were based on all sorts of stupid things with the most persistent and ignorant parents usually getting the place they want, while those who are more reserved get left behind. It seemed that although people put all sorts of airs and graces in public, the rule of the jungle applied every bit here as much as parts of central Africa.

"You could go back to your old school, hey, let me finish," said Penny firmly when Carrie tried to interrupt her. "The problem would be not so much you, because you look so different, but your surname and being associated with Tara. She's quite popular and they'd work out who you were quite quickly. I left a message with the other school this morning but so far they haven't got back to me."

"Oh," said Carrie suddenly feeling quite sick, "why do I have to go to school at all, they don't teach us anything and I'll bet I could learn as much from Youtube videos?"

Penny smiled, "I accept that you can learn all sorts of things from Youtube, but the law requires at your age that you are in fulltime education."

"Well, Daddy's going to alter my birth certificate, can't we lie about my age on it as well?"

"Indeed we will not," said Penny with a deadpan face, "trying to alter legal documents with untruths is a criminal offence, I suppose, a form of fraud."

"Okay, okay, Mummy, I was only joking, but if he'd said I was seventy I could have got my pension and not had to worry about work or school."

"I hope that's another joke, young lady, besides you won't get much of a pension if you haven't paid your National Insurance taxes for about thirty five years or more."

"Thirty five years, that's forever," gasped Carrie, I mean, I'll be forty nine, crikey, that's nearly half a century. I'll be so old."

"And at the rate they keep pushing back the age for retirement, you'll still have about twenty more years to work."

"What? I have to work until I'm seventy? I could be dead by then."

"We could all be, but assuming you're not, you will be able to claim your state pension, not that it's that good, one of the worst in the Western democracies according to the Guardian."

Oh great, perhaps I'll go to America then?" Carrie sighed.

"I believe the official retirement age is seventy there, and remember you need insurance or you have to pay for your health care. They also work longer hours than most European countries and have shorter holidays."

"What's France like?" asked Carrie as the phone ringing interrupted her.

Penny got up to answer it, "Clear the table and rinse the dishes will you?" Carrie sighed even louder and muttered aloud about child slavery so Penny was chuckling as she answered the phone. It was the secretary of the new school, the head mistress had a cancellation this afternoon could they come in, albeit at short notice. Penny said they could.

"Go and make yourself look tidy, we're going to see your new school in half an hour," she said to Carrie.

"Eh?" was the response.

"Straw's cheaper, now go and tidy yourself up, quickly, girl." Running up the stairs, Carrie smiled to herself, being called girl still gave her a bubbly feeling.

They arrived at the new school a few minutes before the appointment. Penny gave Carrie a quick once-over and decided that she looked fairly presentable and school-girlish. They were told to wait for a short time and then led to the head mistress' office.

"Hello, I'm Anne James, you must be Mrs Carpenter and this I presume, is Carrie?" The two women nodded to each other, Penny and Carrie wearing face masks complying with the Covid recommendations. The windows were open and the room was cool rather than cold, but by keeping their coats on they stayed warm enough and they were invited to remove their masks if they wished. Carrie was tempted to pull hers off and stick a bag over her head, she felt so nervous. Penny opted to keep her mask on, so Carry did the same.

"Have you recently moved to the area?" asked Mrs James.

"Uh, no, we have a novel situation arise and we feel it would be safer if Carrie were to leave her current school and come here instead."

"Oh," Mrs James looked slightly surprised but also as if she would relish the explanation and asked Penny to continue.

"About a fortnight or three weeks ago my youngest child who we thought was a boy, announced she was a really a girl." Mrs James' eyes grew larger. Penny continued, "We knew he wasn't a boisterous sort of boy, rather more interested in reading or music than sport, but after we gave him the chance to live as a girl, she seemed far happier. I spoke to my GP, who is also a personal friend and she examined Carrie, noticed some anomalies and referred us to an endocrinologist. The upshot was tests and scans revealed that Cary was actually Carrie, our son was actually a girl, with indeterminate genitalia. She is a genetic female, though for some reason her female internal organs are underdeveloped, we're awaiting appointments to see what we need to do next. As you will appreciate, she can't attend her previous school because she'd likely be recognised and she'd be subject to all sorts of abuse from its inmates."

Mrs James looked very carefully at Carrie. "I can see your difficulty, Mrs Carpenter and I'd like to help, as Carrie is going to have a pretty tough time in the coming years, but we don't actually have any vacancies at the moment."

"If I go to the local education committee, they are obliged to find us a place, are they not?"

"They are, but they could argue that you already have one in your current school."

"But that is just untenable."

"I don't disagree with you Mrs Carpenter. Can I ask you, did Carrie win some singing contest recently? She seems familiar."

Carrie felt herself blush, seems like they don't want celebrities or pop stars at this school.

"Yes, she won a karaoke contest at the hotel in town," Penny showed a clip of Carrie singing that she kept on her phone.

"Of course all the hoo-ha of her name being almost the same as Karen Carpenter whose songs she was singing. She's very good."

"She's got a lovely voice and is quite musically talented, she plays piano, other keyboards, some guitar and drums."

"So she resembles her namesake in several ways, I believe she was quite musically talented, too."

Penny nodded. "Want to add anything, sweetheart?" she asked Carrie.

Carrie shrugged, then she took off her mask, "I am a real girl, you know, with real girl bits, they're just a bit - um - scrawny, but I'm sure they'll eventually work."

Mrs James smiled, "That isn't an issue, Carrie, we're just full to capacity and I don't think I have room to squeeze in even someone as lovely as you."

"May I sing for you?" asked Carrie.

"If you wish," replied the headmistress unsure what was going to happen.

"Talkin' to myself an' feelin' old,
Sometimes I'd like to quit,
Nothin' ever seems to fit..."

In the second verse she gave a slight emphasis to the line, 'Feelin' like I don't belong,' and the headmistress blushed.

"You sound very much like Karen Carpenter, young lady and thank you for the impromptu concert. We don't have any spaces at the moment, but I'd like you to start next term and if necessary we'll make space for you or somehow squeeze you in. Meanwhile get your old school to send you work on line, but promise me when you come here you'll speak to our head of music, she'd be delighted to have someone here who actually has some talent."

She reached forward and Carrie shook her hand then Penny did. "We'll send you written confirmation in a week or so and I look forward to having someone as talented as you in my school."

"I'm quite good at maths and science as well as singing," said Carrie.

"Good, remember we have boys and girls here like your old school and the only problem of being a pretty young woman with an obvious talent, it will get out that you won the singing contest, is that you will be a magnet for all the wrong sorts, who like to bathe in reflected glory, so just be aware we will try to hide your previous history but there will be risks here as well."

"Thank you, Mrs James, for being so honest with us. We know Carrie is in for a difficult year or so, possibly longer as she will need surgery at some point and possibly a number of hospital appointments, but she's a good girl and will try to do her best academically as well as musically. She has private lessons for that, but she takes after her dad who is an architect and very clever."

"Yeah, but I get my looks from you, Mummy," she said making Penny blush and Mrs James laugh.

Once they'd returned to the car, Penny asked Carrie, "How did you know that singing to her would get her to take you in?"

"Dunno, we'd tried everything else and it almost felt as if I had to show her that I was special and that couldn't risk losing me. It was as if someone was telling me what to sing as well." She didn't add that she felt it was Karen's spirit that was telling her because she didn't know if it was, it just felt like it and she also felt that a link to her musical heroine, real or imagined, made her feel good, as if someone 'up there' was watching out for her. Yeah, that felt really good.

They went home getting some more shopping on the way, "Daddy text me earlier, the medical insurance people have agreed to pay for any tests you need but would need more details of any surgery you might require, he said they won't pay for sex reassignment surgery and he's been trying to tell them you're already female but need some surgery done to make that more obvious."

Carrie shrugged, she knew it wasn't going to be easy but she was developing a sense that it didn't matter because she was meant to be a girl or woman and that somehow things would happen to enable that, like the school thing. She was convinced that everything would work out and that unlike Karen Carpenter, she wouldn't be so unhappy, but would soldier on and get where she needed to be. She was sure that that involved being good at music and she knew that she'd earn her living from it.

"What are you thinking about, sweetie?" asked Penny as she drove them home from the supermarket.

"If Richard Carpenter asks me to sing for him, I'm going to say no."

"Eh?" said Penny.

"Oh nothing," but Carrie felt Karen giving her a thumbs up after she spoke. She was sure it was purely her imagination but surely it couldn't hurt to have one of the world's greatest ever woman pop singers helping her, could it?

The Joiners pt 15.

by
Angharad

---

Carrie woke up feeling different, yet she wasn't sure quite what it was that felt different. Everything was still the same, Tara would be going off to school shortly and she would be having her breakfast, helping her mum and doing any schoolwork the school sent her.

She wasn't sure what she thought about school, she'd have to go because it was the law, and perhaps as a girl, she might find it a better experience than she did as a boy, though having an older sister, she was well versed in the dark side of females as well. Tara on a bad day could be every bit as bad as a boy. She knew they could be just as cruel, especially with their tongues, but she hoped she'd meet some nice ones as well.

Rob had gone off to work before either of the girls were up, he was busy, which was good as it brought in the money, but he'd like to have more time to be with Carrie to try and understand how she felt and what he could do to help her ease her way into being a full-time girl. He appreciated that biologically she was female as her sister, but Tara had the advantage of having lived it since she was born. While Carrie seemed just as female as her sister and he couldn't tell she wasn't as natural as Tara, other girls might, and if that was in school, life would be difficult. Even in the new school, as the headmistress had said, some may recognise her from her previous identity, though the school would do all it could to protect her. It was what happened in life and she just had to cope with it as best she could.

Then there'd be all surgery she'd need and goodness knows how many tests and how long that would go one, plus would they have to remove her internal sex organs because they could turn nasty, or would they respond to hormone therapy and develop as a normal female? Huge questions about which he had no answers, but he'd do all he could to help and hoped that his insurance would pay for many of them, he'd need to check, it was on his list, plus he had several meetings with clients and that was going to be hard work, one, in particular, kept changing his mind, or claimed his wife did. Rob almost asked him it might be easier to change his wife than the plans he'd commissioned.

Carrie dragged herself out of bed and via the bathroom downstairs, she was in her nightdress and dressing gown. She sat at the table and Penny asked her if she was all right. She shrugged but accepted a slice of toast which she buttered and slathered on honey on top of it. She drank some tea and hugged Tara goodbye as she left for school.

"Right, what's the problem then?" asked Penny sitting opposite her at the table. Carrie shrugged. "Come on, kiddo, I can read you like a book, there is something bothering you, isn't there?"

"Yeah, I just found out my body is female but don't know if the bits inside will ever work or whether they will have to be removed, plus I don't know what will happen when I go to school and whether it will get out that I'm different and what will happen if it does. And none of this is of my doing, that's what's so unfair, none of it is my flipping fault. It's just not fair." The tears started to flow and she went and sat on Penny's lap. Yesterday she was euphoric, today reality had shown itself and she was distraught. Penny had news for her, as a teenager, she'd experience plenty more highs and lows before she got much older. It was almost a rite of passage, especially for girls. Perhaps it's right that girls suffer more mental health problems than boys, who suffered more with physical injuries and ailments.

A little later, Carrie recovered her composure and after kissing her mother on the cheek, rose and went upstairs to shower and dress after which she styled her hair and put on her makeup and sat at her keyboard and began to play more of her Carpenter's repertoire. this time, Goodbye to love Penny looked in without being seen, Carrie seemed to have worked off her sadness, possibly into the lyrics of the song which perhaps summed up Karen Carpenter's life as well, as she had problems with relationships.

At least they had another school sorted, even if they had to wait for a few weeks to go there. They'd have to get a new school uniform as it was different from the previous school and obviously, Cary had worn the boy's version, now Carrie would be wearing a girl's one and from the information pack that they'd been given, it involved skirts, dresses, blazers, cardigans or pullovers, plus gym kit. It was quite different to the uniform that Tara wore, hers was black skirt and blazer, or cardigan this one was a grey plaid, with a grey blazer or cardi and white blouses. They had no neckties for the girls, the blouses were just worn open at the neck.

Penny wondered why so many schools forced the girls to wear ties, it seemed silly beyond belief, but they did. Very few things in adult life required women to wear ties, except some uniforms and even there, because they were potentiallly dangerous, that was declining. Yet every day, Tara went off to school wearing a tie the same as Cary had worn. It was a total anachronism.

After Penny had put another meal to cook in the slow cooker, a sausage casserole, which they all loved, she and Carrie went off to town and began acquiring a new school uniform. Carrie normally enjoyed shopping for clothes, but this time it just reminded her of the great unknown the new school would be and she was very apprehensive. Knowing how spiteful, Tara could be on a bad day, reminded her that although she had survived as Cary mixing with both boys and girls, doing so on her own, with no big sister back-up, could be extra dangerous and this time she had something to hide. Previously, Cary had just tried to hide and mostly succeeded, whereas, there was always the danger of the little anomaly, slipping out - not literally, because Carrie wore tight panties to make sure it stayed put, but skirts did provide a bigger risk than trousers, but they were encouraged to wear skirts until year eleven. Carrie would be going in at year ten, the final year of middle school, then it was off to senior school and GCSEs and A-levels, and old people kept telling them, 'your school days are the best days of your life.' Yeah, right.

"I said, how does that feel?" Penny disturbed her brown study, asking about the fit of a blazer. Carrie was already wearing a skirt and blouse, with a camisole under it.

"It's okay, I suppose," shrugged Carrie.

They bought the whole lot, then went off after shoes, tights and socks. They got home just before Tara and both were enjoying a refreshing cuppa when she arrived and accused them of being two slackers compared to her hard working student act.

"I'll have you know we have just returned from getting Carrie her new school uniform and we're both exhausted," claimed Penny and Carrie nodded.

"What shopping isn't tiring, unless it's for cabbages and baked beans."

"You know jolly well that shopping for school uniforms is very hard work, it's not like ordinary clothes shopping," asserted her mother, "you don't like it much either if I remember from several experiences of the whinging you do during it."

Carrie smirked as Tara blushed and tried to suggest that old people had defective memories while she went off to change out of her uniform and then get a cuppa and biscuit.

While she was absent the phone rang and Mrs James the headmistress of the new school phoned to say, Carrie could start next Monday, as they'd managed to wangle it by moving a few things about in the timetable. She also said the music teacher was looking forward to meeting her new songbird. When Penny related this to Carrie, she went very pale and nearly fell over.

"But they said not until next term," complained Carrie, "I'm not ready."

"You have your new uniform, a bag for your books and plenty of pens and pencils, what's to get ready?" said Penny, thinking to herself, better get another blouse to add to the three they'd bought, just in case.

"I'm not mentally ready."

"Well you have the weekend to get used to the idea, so you'd better get ready, hadn't you?"

"You don't understand, none of you do," said Carrie getting ready to flounce off to her room.

"So make me understand that this isn't just the whining of some little girl, not the young woman who won that karaoke competition despite being up against much older competitors."

"I've never had to spend all day as a girl in a large group of strangers without Tara being there or you or Daddy. I'm terrified." Carrie started to cry and Penny wasn't sure whether to cuddle her or show her some tough love. In the end she compromised and went ans spoke with her.

"I know it's going to be a bit new but you have to grasp this nettle sooner or later, so at least if you go for a few weeks, you'll have a couple of weeks off for Christmas to recover and I'm sure, a nice girl like you will make lots of friends in a short time. I have confidence in you to do it, because you're bright, brave and beautiful." They both ended up laughing at this final statement.

"What's so funny?" asked Tara reappearing in her house clothes, jeans and sweater.

"Carrie's a bit worried about starting her new school."

"Why? She's got until January to think about it." The expression that accompanied the question almost said unlike some of us who have to go every day now.

"They just phoned to say for her to start on Monday," Penny informed her older daughter.

"Oh, never mind, sis, you'll be all right, they'll want you to sing for them so they'll look after you. So don't worry."

"That's all right for you to say, Tar, you've been in your school forever."

"Oh thanks, I'll remember to apply for my pension next week," she teased.

"You know what I meant. I've only been shown around the place a bit, I don't know anyone there do I?"

"Yeah, but isn't that what you want. If you want to know everyone why not come back to our school, you can have one of my old uniforms."

"What, and get beaten up every day for the rest of my life."

"You can't have it both ways, what's for tea, Mum? It smells gorgeous."

"Sausage casserole, why?"

"Oh brill, with baked potatoes, like you usually do?"

"Yes, of course."

"See, baby girl," she teased her sister, "life is good, so just enjoy it."

"Have you any homework?" asked Penny.

"Yeah, just gonna start it, haven't you got any, droopy drawers?"

"She has, actually, I just printed it off while I was in the study. You've got some history and chemistry to do, Carrie."

"At least it'll take your mind off Monday, won't it?" said Tara breezily making Carrie want to scream. Instead, she accepted the paper that her mother offered her and started to look through it.

By the time Rob was back and dinner would be served, Carrie had done half her homework, she had to read a chapter of the history textbook and answer some questions about the Byzantine empire. She done the chemistry, which was about balancing equations and she found it very simple.

They were called to dinner and ate in the kitchen, Penny told Rob that Carrie had been told to attend school from the Monday. "I thought they weren't going to accept her until next term?"

"Well, the headmistress called earlier and told me she could start next week," said Penny.

"Good idea, get it over with and get back into going to school. By end of term you'll probably have half a dozen new friends and the same number of boys wanting to ask you out."

"You said I was too young to date boys," Carrie threw back at him.

"Did I? Maybe I did, but that was last week, you're so much more experienced now," he joked and Tara nearly choked on a dumpling.

"I don't even know if I like boys," said Carrie in an offhand manner.

"Send them to your sister, she'll try them out for you," Joked Rob and this time Tara did choke, but on a piece of carrot. Carrie thought it was almost worth the teasing for that outcome, better than she could have done - nice one, Daddy.

"That was mean, Rob," gently chided Penny passing Tara some water while a red-eyed Tara regarded him balefully. She soon forgave him when he produced some tickets for a film at the local cinema that she had mentioned she wanted to see.

"Not sure what you see in him," declared Rob about the film's leading man.

"Oh he's just gorgeous, isn't he, Carrie?" replied Tara.

"Hadn't really noticed," responded the younger sibling, "I suppose he is quite good looking."

Penny collected up the plates and added her threepenn'orth, stating that she thought he was nearly as good looking as Rob, who was almost purring at her acclaim, which set the theme for the parent's bedtime, left Tara able to dream about her favourite male film star and Carrie wondering what she felt about boys and men, some of them were good looking but did she want to get physical with them? She found as she thought about it she had a funny feeling in her tummy? It wasn't unpleasant, just novel and she wondered if something was happening inside her, if it was she hoped her girly bits were growing as she asked them to do when she rubbed her tummy each night and instructed them to.

The Joiners pt 16.

by
Angharad

---

Penny dropped Carrie outside her new school, she'd felt sick at breakfast but had managed to force down a slice of toast with jam on and a cup of tea. Penny had given her some oatmeal biscuits to take with her in case she got peckish and reminded her that they had a tuck shop which sold crisps and buns and other things.

She had a packed lunch and a drink with her, so she should survive the day. Inside her backpack, apart from her makeup bag and purse, was a folded bag in case she had books to bring home with her. Her pencil case was in there too and a small notebook. She was well prepared and it was just as well because the morning raced by as she found out where she had to go for each lesson and most of them produced a text book and an exercise book for each subject. Some of the text books were the same as the ones from her old school, so she was familiar with them, but the history book and the one for geography were different as was the English book they had.

She was given the English literature novel they were reading, Silas Marner by George Eliot, aka Mary Ann Evans. That made her feel good, another woman who'd been known by a boy's name and she'd read the book last term, so she could skim through it just enough to answer questions in the class or if she had to do a homework essay.

Two girls, Michelle and Jane had taken her under their wings and as they shared most of her classes, helped her navigate the buildings and carry her increasing load of text and exercise books. Struggling to carry them out to the car, she joked to her mum, who'd come to fetch her, she knew why they were called exercise books - they get jolly heavy.

"So how did you get on?" asked Penny, "was it as bad as you thought?"

"It was okay, I suppose," Carrie sighed, "two girls in my first class, Michelle and Jane helped me find my different classrooms and carry my bag of books around. They got really heavy by lunch time.

"What did you eat, just your sandwiches?"

"Yeah, the food there looks about the same as the old place though it's a bit dearer and to eat a meal every day would cost about two pounds a day."

"It is dearer, you only spent £1.50 a day at the old place and that's all Tara takes each day." Penny said thinking, I hope everything isn't going to be dearer, because over the course of a whole year, that would add about a hundred pounds to her costs, they could save on doing her a packed lunch, as she had today, but they get boring very quickly as she knew from working in offices where there was no canteen just a place to make drinks. Still, it's not forever and she was sure Carrie would survive one way or another.

"What are the teacher's like?" she asked Carrie.

"Like teachers, you know, hideously ugly with fangs and they can't go out in daylight and they have very little dress sense. I mean the men are in suits or jackets and trousers except Mr Andrews, he wears a cardigan with leather patches on the elbows and he smells a bit."

"He smells?" gasped Penny trying to stifle a laugh. "He doesn't does he?"

"Maybe it's just his cardi that pongs, like his dog probably sleeps on it at night." Carrie explored several silly ideas as to why her teacher seemed to smell, each one sillier than the last and by the time they got home, Penny was wiping tears from her eyes she'd laughed so much.

"Any homework?" she asked as they went into the house.

"Yeah, some English, I have to write a poem on winter and I've got some geography to do on floodplains."

"Oh, okay, you go and change and I'll make us a cuppa, Tara will be home in a minute."

"No she won't, she's playing netball."

"Of course she is, oh well, she'll be here when she gets here," Penny went off to the kitchen to fill the kettle while Carrie changed out of her uniform and into a pair of jeans and a sweater. She washed out her tights, opaque 60 denier ones, which she wrung out as best she could and left them in her hand towel on the radiator in her bedroom. That was something that was easier as a boy, she'd just wear a clean pair of socks each day and chuck them in the laundry basket each night along with her underpants. Now, she'd have to wash out her tights because she only had three pairs and even though they were fairly thick, they could still ladder. She scuffed on her rabbit slippers (they were fluffy and had a face and ears on the front and little scut tail on the back and were warmer than anything she'd had as Cary) and went down to her mother.

"You're not leaving all these books down here, missy, so take them up to your room now, if you please," instructed her mother and Carrie sighed and humped the heavy bags up to her bedroom and dumped them under her desk. She had a shelf in her bookcase to accommodate school books, but she'd have to remove the old ones and somehow get them back to her old school before she could make space for the new ones.

"Tea's ready," called her mum.

"All right, slave driver," she muttered as she descended the staircase.

Tara arrived about an hour later, her hair was still damp after her shower. "How'd it go?" she asked Carrie.

"Okay, did you win?" she asked Tara.

"Yeah, but only just. They had some giant as their goal shooter and her arms were so long, she could almost drop the ball in the net. She was like a giant gibbon." Everyone laughed at that and by the time Tara had changed, Rob was home and Penny served up their dinner - pork medallion steaks, roast potatoes, carrots and broccoli.

Over dinner Rob enquired about Carrie's experience at the new school and was reassured that she seemed to have coped fairly well and made two new friends into the bargain. He hoped it would continue. He also heard the school cafeteria was dearer than the old one, which Tara suggested was a swizz, and gave Carrie a couple of pounds to pay for the difference for the rest of the week.

That night Carrie slept well, she'd worried a little the night before and tonight was too tired to care. She, therefore, woke feeling more refreshed and less apprehensive, was in the shower before her cursing sibling, and did her hair and makeup, in a subdued version before going down to breakfast where Penny had done her a poached egg on toast.

She took another spare bag in her backpack for any more new books, but as there was only two, she shoved them into her pack and followed Michelle and Jane down to the cafeteria. She had a cheese roll in her pack and added some salad and potato to this together with a mug of tea. The latter wasn't too bad, but not as good as home. She was amazed at the number of students who drank fizzy drinks, which were expensive and rotted your teeth as well as making you fat if you drank lots of them. There were a few lard-balls, both boys and girls, and she saw them guzzling cans of fizzies and wondered if they knew what made them fat, or if they didn't care.

She was introduced to a couple more girls, Josie and Hannah and two boys, Mark and Sean, she felt her tummy flop when the boys arrived at their group but they seemed friendly enough. 'Keep smiling at them,' she thought to herself hoping they wouldn't think she fancied them, mind you, Mark was quite good looking with his piercing blue eyes and fair hair. She wondered as she sat in double maths if his hair could be described as dark blond or very light brown, and he had blond tips to his eyelashes which were quite long and drew you to his eyes. Yeah, he was pretty good looking and quite a bit taller than she or any of her friends were. So not someone to annoy or he could pulp her, then she remembered, most boys are reluctant to hit girls, so hopefully, that wouldn't happen and was just a hangover from her old school experience. Besides, he seemed good-natured, but as she didn't really know him, it would pay to be cautious around him and other boys.

"So, what d'ya think of Mark then?" asked Jane as they sat together in the arithmetic class.

"He seemed okay," whispered Carrie.

"Only okay, the way you were staring at him, he knew you fancied him."

"I wasn't staring at him, but he has very nice eyes," conceded Carrie.

"They are beautiful eyes and his lashes are to die for," sighed Jane.

"They are quite long," Carrie agreed.

"See you do fancy him," smirked Jane.

"No I don't," Carried hissed back blushing like a tomato.

"Anything you ladies would like to share with the rest of us?" asked Mrs Lewis the maths teacher.

"I was just asking Carrie if she'd finished number four, Miss," said Jane fibbing her way out of the question while blushing furiously at the teacher's interest.

"Is that question number four or boyfriend number four?" chided Mrs Lewis.

"It was question four, Miss," said Carrie, "and I have, Miss."

"Perhaps you'd like to come out the front and write your answer on the board," the teacher responded handing her the marker pen and pointing at the whiteboard.

Carrie blushed and staggered out to the front of the class and looking at the workings in her maths notebook, wrote on the board, the logarithms she'd used in her calculation. Mrs Lewis looked at the board and asked the class if she was right.

Not everyone thought so, but the majority decision was that she had. She'd done logarithms last year and found them straightforward to do. She waited for Mrs Lewis to send her back to her seat. "Well it seems, Carrie, that most of your friends agree with you, and you have got it right, well done but keep the conversations for outside the lessons. Carrie nodded and dashed back to her seat, sweating as she went. She had been terrified but had survived.

"You have to watch ole Lulu, if she catches you talking, she does tend to make an example of you and if you get it wrong, she can give you extra homework or even detention. So you were lucky," said Michelle, who'd been sitting the other side of Jane.

Carrie's last lesson was music and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Apparently, her new teacher, Miss Chivers, whom the girls called, 'Chivekosky' was aware that Carrie had some musical interests.

"Ah, so you're the Carpenter girl, are you? Mrs James said you were musical, are you?"

Carrie looked at the overweight middle-aged woman standing before her and almost wet herself," Um, I guess so," she said quietly back.

"I heard you won some competition recently and sing songs associated with your namesakes, is this so?"

Carrie felt as if she was in the witness box being cross-examined by counsel. "I er, yes."

"I believe you play piano as well?" Miss Chivers wasn't letting her off the hook.

"A bit," Carrie almost whispered back.

"Care to show us?" Miss Chivers pointed at the upright piano standing at the edge of the room.

"Um, not really, Miss," Carrie stuttered back.

"Oh come now, if you can do it in front of a group of complete strangers, surely you can do it in front of your friends?"

Someone said something and Miss Chivers went to deal with them, Michelle said, "Can you play?" nodding at the piano and Carrie nodded back, "better do it then to shut her up."

"Well, Miss Carpenter, are you going to play for us? Who wants to hear her play?" the tormentress asked the class and sensing some drama most of them called back that they would. She all but dragged Carrie out to the piano and sat her at the stool, then she produced the same Carpenter's songbook that she had at home and told her to pick something. "I take it, that you can read music?"

"A bit," said Carrie who suddenly felt a sense of calm spread over her and she thought that Karen was helping her. She opened the songbook to, Rainy days and Mondays and laid it on the rest. Then to surprise the teacher, she started playing Chopsticks for a few bars before starting the intro to the song and closing her eyes she started to sing. 'Talkin' to myself and feelin' old...' As soon as she began to sing she ignored the fact that a music teacher and thirty of her classmates were there, she just got into the zone and her fingers hit the keys and her voice sang the words and the tune just like her famous namesake had done before she was born. She followed the beat of the song with her body and continued playing the melody where, on the album, was a saxophone riff, and then cut back into the vocals at the correct place, finishing the song as Karen had done with a lower pitch ending of 'down'. When she finished she realised where she was and began to feel anxious, blushing and sweating.

A moment later there was huge applause and the teacher was clapping with the rest of them. "Thank you, that was both delightful and impressive, please take a bow and go back to your seat. Carrie did as she was bid and bowed to her classmates who applauded again.

"Thank you, Carrie Carpenter, your reputation is deserved." She went on to talk to the rest of the class and Michelle warned her that she'd be the teacher's favourite from now on.

When they left, Jane said much the same as Michelle, "You'll get lumbered now, whenever they want someone to perform, you'll be it."

"I don't mind if I've prepared for it."

"What out in front of the whole school?" gasped Jane.

"It doesn't matter if it's one person or hundreds, you still have to just concentrate on what you're doing and shut them all out, unless you're trying to get them on side, in which case you have to encourage them."

"You actually enjoy embarrassing yourself in front of a thousand kids?" gasped Jane in disbelief at her friend's seeming calmness in what she considered to be a terrifying ordeal.

"I only embarrass myself if I don't know the song properly. It takes lots of practice but I quite enjoy it."

"Were you sight-reading?" asked Michelle, "Cause you seemed to have your eyes closed."

"Not for that song, I've practised it so often, and I did the chopsticks bit to get the feel of the keyboard, it's different to the one I have at home."

"You have a piano at home?"

"Yeah, a small electronic Yamaha, plus drums and a guitar."

"You really are into music aren't you?"

Carrie shrugged.

"Chivekovsky will love you, every year she hopes she'll have someone to torment, she has this year," both girls laughed as Carrie blushed.

"If she teaches me some more about music, I'll cope with it. I want to study music at uni, so if she can help me get there, I'll give her what she wants."

"Wow, a girl who knows what she wants, does this include Mark as well?" Michelle teased.

"If he likes my music, maybe," said Carrie blushing even more as she surprised herself with her answer. Did she like him? Er, maybe.

The Joiners pt 17.

by
Angharad

---

The week went by and Carrie accepted her mother's ruling that she had to finish her homework before she could play her music and that meant she didn't get as much done as she had hoped. However, Mrs Chivers the music teacher asked her to wait after her class had finished.

"Is it just Carpenter's songs you do?" she asked Carrie.

"No, but I was thinking at one time of trying to put together a set of songs of theirs and then trying to form a tribute band to see if I could earn a few pounds."

"Do you need a tribute band, why not just take a keyboard and sing them as you accompany yourself?"

"Hadn't thought of that, thank you, miss."

"How many songs have you learnt that you can accompany yourself with?"

"I know about fourteen or fifteen songs but only tried playing about eight."

"What's the most recent one you've learned?" asked the teacher.

"Yesterday once more, miss."

"Show me." The teacher pointed at the piano.

"What, now?" gasped Carrie.

"Yes, now. The songbook is on top of the piano."

Carrie sighed but walked to the piano before dumping her bag on the floor and taking the songbook down and finding the correct page. She lifted the keyboard cover and set the book on the stand. She was quite nervous as she played through the music which possibly had a simpler piano part than some of the others she learned, at least in the beginning it did. Having got the music in her head she closed her eyes and went for the song, "When I was young I'd listen to the radio..." she began to sing unaware that two other teachers had come into the room to speak to Mrs Chivers and were hushed by her to stand and listen.

They watched in fascination as the young woman at the piano played and sang. The song was well enough known for most people to have heard the Carpenters perform it and they were aware that the recorded or professionally sung version would have backing singers and instruments, but this girl was doing a very reasonable job on her own.

When she finished she opened her eyes in shock as she heard several people applauding her effort. "You should do a lunchtime concert," said one of the other teachers.

"Shush," said Mrs Chivers, "that's what I'm working towards."

"Has she had a go on the baby grand in the hall, yet?" asked the other teacher who Carrie didn't recognise.

"Gimme a chance," said Mrs Chivers, she only started here the other week, but I'd like to get her at least another music lesson a week."

"Oh well, Cyn, you've got your project for this year then," said the other teacher and the two visitors departed.

"Was that all right?" asked Carrie rising from the piano stool.

"I can help you make it better," said the music teacher, but we'd need to see if we can squeeze some more time out of the system to do that."

"Thank you, Mrs Chivers, I'd appreciate it if you can help me improve."

The teacher patted Carrie on the shoulder, "I shall certainly see what I can do, but how would you feel about performing a small concert one lunchtime?"

"Why lunchtime?" asked Carrie thinking that she probably wouldn't get to eat that day.

"It's easier and there's more chance of people coming to listen, if we do anything in the evenings it gets more complicated with cleaning staff and so on, plus once people get home they rarely want to turn out again.

"Are you happy to be seen as a performer, most girls of your age aren't?"

"I want to study music at university, whether I want to perform or compose or do something else in the technical area, I don't know, but if you can help me learn more about music, I'll perform for you provided it doesn't mean someone else misses out or that they feel jealous of me. I'm the new girl on the block and I don't want to make unnecessary enemies. I had enough of that in my previous school."

Carrie suddenly realised that she'd given away more than she should have done about her past.

"What happened in your previous school?"

"I'd prefer not to talk about it, if you don't mind, but I prefer it a lot more here."

"Good. Look, if you have any problems with bullying or any other sort of nastiness here, come and tell me, all right?"

"I'm sure I won't," said Carrie with more optimism than she felt and she managed to escape the music room and get on her way home.

You're later tonight," said Penny giving her a hug as she entered the house, "good day?"

"It was all right, I suppose," said Carrie taking off her coat and hanging it up in the cloakroom.

"Oh, that sounds a bit uncertain, care to share?" Penny stood next to her daughter.

"Oh just Mrs Chivers, the music teacher asked me to play another song on the piano and sing to my own accompaniment."

"What during the class again?"

"No, as I was about to leave."

"What do you reckon she's up to?"

"I think she wants me to do a small concert one lunchtime."

"Oh, what do you think of that?"

"If she helps me musically, then I don't mind."

Penny smiled, " Cary wouldn't have said yes to that, would he?"

"Probably not, but then he was too busy trying not to be seen by anyone, I'm different now and I'm thinking about what I get out of it, if I give them something."

"That's a very mature attitude, Carrie, but you're aware that if you're seen as some sort of talent, some of the other kids might see you as different and feel jealous."

"I made the mistake of saying that I didn't want to create enemies as I'd had enough of them in my previous school."

"Oh, so d'you think she might ask the headmistress?"

"I've no idea. I'm used to being seen as different, I was hoping it wouldn't happen at the new school, but I'm the new girl, so I am different and I play the piano and sing a bit. I'm sure the novelty will wear off one day, if it doesn't I'll have to learn to live with it, won't I?"

"Don't let anyone bully you, sweetheart, come and tell me if they try, won't you?" Penny wrapped her in a huge hug, "You will, won't you?"

"That's what Mrs Chivers said." Much as she was enjoying the hug, she needed a wee and she also wanted to change. "What's for dinner, Mummy?"

"I got a large pack of chicken thighs, so there'll be enough for tonight and should be enough for you to take some in your rolls tomorrow. I also got some of the rolls from that artisan baker place that you like."

"Thanks, Mummy," she pecked Penny on the cheek and ran upstairs to change and empty her now straining bladder. She heard Tara come home while she was changing and her mother called up the stairs to say that she'd made a pot of tea, so she hurried to get her jeans and her slippers on and trotted down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Alright?" said Tara to her sibling.

"Yeah, you?"

"So so," said Tara twisting her hand back and fore. "Gonna change, got loadza homework," was offered as she went up to her room.

"Have you got much?" Penny asked Carrie passing her a mug of tea.

"Not really, got to do an essay on George Eliot and why she adopted a male nom de plume."

"Well, in those days women's lives were even worse than they are today."

"I think being a woman is pretty good, actually," said Carrie smiling.

"You've got a bit to learn about being female yet, sweetheart, it's a tougher life than it is for men, we still live in a paternalistic society and the glass ceiling is very real for many women. I admit that we have it better than less liberal societies, there was a story in today's Guardian about some transgender girl who was murdered by her brother who travelled all the way from Germany to Iraq to shoot her. They called it an honour killing and he'll probably get away with it."

"That's awful, Mummy, killing someone for being themselves."

"Who killed who?" asked Tara picking up her cuppa and the tail end of the conversation.

"Some girl in Iraq was shot by her brother just for living as a woman."

"What else is she gonna live as?" asked a puzzled Tara.

"She was transgender," said Penny.

"Oh well, that's entirely different," said Tara. "They should shoot all the weirdos," she was joking but Carrie didn't hear the joke, she felt it was a personal attack and she ran upstairs sobbing.

"That was clever," said Penny, "you've probably knocked her back weeks in her self-confidence."

"It was a joke, I didn't mean anything by it. I'm as disgusted about that girl being killed as you are. I didn't mean it," Tara now had tears streaming down her face and she ran off up to her own bedroom.

"Joys of parenthood," muttered Penny to herself and after checking on the meal, went upstairs to see if she could rescue the evening and two weeping adolescents.

She was surprised at what she found when she got to Carrie's bedroom, "I didn't mean it, Car..."

"Why d'you say it then?" responded her sniffing sister.

"I dunno, do I, I love you as my sister, Car, and I didn't mean to disrespect the woman who was killed. I think it's awful but people in these foreign countries have different values and rules to us here in Britain."

"They call them honour killings, seems that someone's reputation is more important than someone else's life and their own sister. I could no more kill you than fly to the moon," said Carrie bewildered by the cruelty of her fellow humans.

"Happens here as well," Tara told her younger sister, "mainly in Muslim families where they still practice arranged marriages and things."

"How can they do that?" said Carrie wiping her face.

"What kill them?"

"No arrange a marriage to some nitwit you may not have ever met."

"Because they're old fashioned, I suppose, and it was okay in the past but they have problems because the girls won't accept it because they want to choose their own husbands. What about genital mutilation?"

"What's that?" asked Carrie.

"Where girls have part of their genitals removed, like the outer labia and clitoris and they sew up the rest leaving just enough room to be able to pee."

"They cut of bits of skin, yeah we had a lesson on it a while ago."

"They'd have a surprise if they tried it on me, wouldn't they?" joked Carrie and Penny knew things were all right between her girls and she left without them having been aware she'd been there. A little later, the two girls were stuck into their homework until Penny called them for dinner and to greet their father who'd just returned from his office.

"How was your day, Daddy?" asked Carrie noticing he looked very tired.

"Don't ever become an architect," he sighed, so she leant over to him and pecked him on the cheek. "Oh, that makes me feel so much better."

"Love you, Daddy," she said to him and pecked him again, only this time he pulled her onto his lap and hugged her.

"I love you too, dumpling," he said squeezing her.

"Dumpling?" she squeaked.

"No dumplings with roast chicken," called Penny from the kitchen.

"Not those dumplings, Daddy just called me dumpling."

"Because you're obviously good enough to eat, I expect," called her mother.

"See?" said her dad, "I was just about to say that." Carrie gave him an old fashioned look as she was uncertain that he was. He stuck his tongue out at her, she did the same back to him and then he started to tickle her and they both nearly fell out of the chair laughing.

"How was school?" he asked her when they both recovered.

"Okay, I guess, old Chivekovsky wants me to do a concert."

"Chivekovsky?" queried her dad.

"Mrs Chivers, the music teacher, she wants me to do a concert in the lunchtime."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Dunno, I suppose I'd have to sort out enough material to fill it. She got me to play and sing again for her today, she said she wants to improve my sight-reading."

"That would be an asset, especially if you think of performing."

"Yeah, I know, but I'm looking forward to having a go on the grand piano, they have in the hall. It's a Bechstein."

"Probably worth a few thousand then, which is probably why they keep it locked up, they cost a small fortune to have tuned, so you don't want too many sticky little fingers messing with it."

"I wouldn't be messing with it, I'm an artiste," declared Carrie in a silly voice that sounded like a cross between Dame Edith Evans and Mickey Mouse. Rob fell about laughing at her silliness.

Carry did get her essay drafted after her dinner and Penny helped her flesh out the parts and to make several feminist points. She finished it at ten o clock and Penny sent her to bed after a drink of milk.

Tara had finished her homework earlier and was on the phone to Macey even though they'd seen each other several times that day. Macey told her that her brother was missing his old friend Cary and although he appreciated that Cary now felt happier as a girl, he still missed his friend.

"Why don't you tell him to give her a call?" suggested Tara.

"He still thought she was playing at it, so I put him right, telling him that Carrie was actually a girl but some bits got lost in the post and they hoped they could fix them at some point but to do so would require an operation."

"Some bits got lost in the post? You are a case, aren't you?" giggled Tara.

"Well, if I'd got into fallopian tubes and things he'd have either have fainted or yawned, you know what boys are like."

"Only the ones I know from school, Cary was never like that even when we thought she was a boy, so perhaps we should have spotted it sooner. Anyway, I'm glad I have a sister not a brother, she's much more fun if a bit sensitive at times."

"She did have a bit of a shock, Tar, discovering she had girl parts all the time."

"Yeah, I heard Mum and Dad talking a few days ago and Mum said she'd donate her womb if it meant that Carrie could have babies."

"What? Let them cut hers out and shove it in Carrie, that is weird."

"Not really, a woman did it for her daughter a couple of years ago and the daughter had a baby. Besides, the 'rents are probably too old to have sex these days, though I thought I heard their bed creaking the other night, do your parents still have sex?"

"I think so, the other afternoon, Colm and I were out, we went to see that new film and a friend gave us a lift back, or her mum did, so we were earlier than they thought we'd be and they both had this strange look on their faces like we'd caught them with their hands in the cookie jar, but they'd enjoyed eating them all the same. I think they might have been having sex, but no way was I going to ask them, was I?"

"Sleep now, Tara," called Penny walking past her room and tapping on the door, "tell Macey, goodnight."

"The tyrant has spoken, night, Mace," Tara rang off and then because she felt her mum had irritated her, she called her mother who popped her head around the door, and asked what she wanted. "Mum, do you and Dad still have sex?"

"Not every night, why?" Penny had her fingers crossed behind her back.

"Uh, nothin', just wondered."

The Joiners pt 18.

by
Angharad

---

At school the following week, Carrie bumped into Mrs Chivers who told her to come and see her in the lunch break. Carrie was not impressed but she duly turned up after detaching her mind from a double period of chemistry and all the joys of organic chemistry and the carbon atom.

"Ah, Miss Carpenter, do come in," said the music teacher.

"Miss," she said showing a little subservience to the teacher not sure if she liked her yet or not, but most of it seemed to have been positive even if she was her new project.

"I spoke to the headmistress about you."

"Oh," gasped Carrie not sure if this was going to prove good, bad or indifferent.

"Yes, she said you were bullied at your previous school and that was why you're gracing us with your presence." Carrie stood and blushed but said nothing. Perhaps ol' Chivekovsky didn't have anything more than that so she wasn't going to inform her of any detail. "You had a free period on Thursdays after religions, if you want, she will allow you to come here and practice for the two lessons, so instead of looking at religion, we'll be looking at some music theory and some extra practice."

Carrie was surprised, she wasn't that interested in religion as were neither of her parents, so it was no great loss and she was prepared to forgo her free period to get some extra music tuition in.

"Thank you, Miss, when will it start?" she wasn't sure yet but it seemed like a step in the right direction and more than they ever did at her previous school.

"On Thursday, so you'll come here after mid-morning break."

"I'll be here," she nodded and smiled at Mrs Chivers, "Will I ever get a go on the grand piano in the hall?"

"When you've shown me you're capable of treating it with the respect it deserves. That instrument is a very expensive and delicate piece of craftsmanship, only those with sufficient skill and respect are considered worthy."

"Do you play it, Miss?" asked Carrie not realising that she could be seen to be challenging the teacher.

"Occasionally, I trained to concert level, at the same college as Dudley Moore, who I suspect you've never heard of."

"Uh, no, Miss."

"Look him up, it's worth the effort."

"I will, thank you, Miss."

Later at lunch, Carrie typed in Dudley Moore into her phone and skimmed the article in wikipedia, "Wow, old Chivekovsky went to Magdalene College, Oxford."

"Is that good?" asked Jane.

"Yeah, Oxford is pretty good for music."

"What's pretty good, when it's at home?" asked Michelle.

"Like world-class, especially for classical music, so perhaps she can play the piano a bit?" Carrie was learning a new respect for her music teacher. "My Dad went to Oxford."

"Does he play the piano?" asked Jane.

"No, but he studied architecture."

"Don't tell me your mum went to Harvard?" said Michelle as they ate their lunches.

"Uh no, she went to Cambridge..."

"Not nuclear physics?" joked Jane.

"No," laughed Carrie, "English and journalism, she's a writer, though she hasn't done any for a while."

"What did she write?" asked Jane.

"Oh, stuff for newspapers and magazines, women's issues, that sort of stuff."

"Not that interesting, then?" said Michelle.

"Dunno, never read any of it," said Carrie biting off a chunk of her roll.

"Perhaps you should, you're a woman too, remember?" said Jane sharply.

"Whose taken your lollipop?" asked Michelle.

"Well, I get tired of people writing things off because it's woman's stuff, women make up half the people on the planet but bloody men control it all and it doesn't seem fair." Jane was on her hobby horse.

"It isn't," agreed Michelle, "but at the moment I've got more important things to worry about. Come on, Beethoven, we're gonna be late," she aimed at Carrie and the three of them went off to their next class as the bell rang.

"Oh, I won't be in the religions class anymore," said Carrie as they strolled back to academia.

"How come?" asked Jane, "Any chance we can get out of it too?"

"Sure if you wanna do music theory and piano," smirked Carrie.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll stay and wind-up Holy Joe a bit longer," laughed Jane as they entered the class for geography.

When Carrie got home that evening, she told her mother that she was getting an extra lesson of music. "I heard it was two extra lessons," said her mum.

"How d'ya know that?" asked a bemused Carrie.

"The headmistress rang me and asked if I minded you having a lesson on religion changed to one of music theory plus a free lesson you had being changed to piano theory and practice."

"Oh," shrugged Carrie, "dunno why I bother."

Penny chuckled, "They have to tell us about any changes to your timetable and normally you have to do some religious education by law, unless the school or your parents feel differently. Seeing as you plan to study music, I thought you could sort out what you want to know about world religion in your own time and at your own pace but the extra music study and practice should be more useful at the moment."

"I don't think so, Mummy, it has no interest for me at all," Carrie tossed away as she was about to go up and change.

"Just remember that some of the finest music ever written was because of religion and people like JS Bach earned their living as kapellmeister at different times of his life as well as organist in several churches. At one time it was the best type of job for musicians and gave them regular employment. Mozart and Vivaldi also did religious music."

"Yeah, okay, Ma, you've made your point, I'm going to change, got geography and chemistry homework tonight."

"I'll give you, Ma, you scallywag," Penny called up the stairs after Carrie disappeared giggling.

While they were eating, Carrie asked her mother a question. "Mummy, do you miss not working?"

"At times why?"

"I was talking with Jane and Michelle and I realised that Mrs Chivers went to Oxford."

"All the best people do," smirked Rob.

"Cambridge is above it in the rankings, Dad," offered Tara making a silly face at him.

"Why does it matter where they went to university?" asked Penny and why she was discussing her teacher's education.

"Well, Oxford has a reputation for music, Dudley Moore went to the same college as Mrs Chivers."

"Who's he?" asked Tara.

"He performed with Peter Cook in Beyond the Fringe, Penny showed her Cambridge affiliation. "He was one of the tranch of clever performers we produced, including Jonathan Miller, who was a real intellectual. "
"Didn't he train as a doctor?" asked Rob.

"He was far too clever to be a doctor, said one of my tutors when his name came up on one occasion. He worked with Alan Bennett, while at Cambridge," said Penny.

"Who are all these old crumblies, Mum?" asked Tara.

"The cream of a previous generation, sadly many of them are now dead."

"Alan Bennett, did that wonderful talking heads thing, didn't he?" Rob said.

"That film about the old lady living in a van in the garden, wasn't that, Alan Bennett?" said Tara happy to get into the conversation, she hated it when it got too highbrow for her as her parents were really quite clever people.

"Yes, it was and a true story," confirmed Penny.

"Oh I remember that," said Carrie.

"So if everything goes pear-shaped, Car, you can always go and live in his garden or Mrs Chivers' one," teased Tara.

"Jus' gonna tell you the same," Carrie threw back at her sister.

"No women, in that group, were there?" said Rob, demonstrating his credentials as a feminist supporter.

"Don't think so," agreed Penny racking her brains, "least if there was they disappeared without trace. As happens all too often." After this the conversation moved on to less controversial subjects like homework.

"That was nice of you to remember there were no women in the Cambridge set," said Penny snuggling into Rob as they lay in bed together.

"I have to, I'm very much in the minority in this household, with three harridans here."

"Harridan?" said Penny loudly with all the pretend indignation she could muster before Rob started to tickle her and they got very affectionate.

The next day she was with Jane when they bumped into Mark and Sean, a few words were exchanged with sneaky bits of eye contact and much blushing. See you after school, said the boys, Mark smiling briefly at Carrie.

"You're in there, girl," teased Jane to Carrie as they dealt with the prospect of Mr Andrews and his odoriferous cardigan, however, Carrie gave up trying to hold her breath for an hour and instead tried to think about Mark and was he inviting her to get together after school? Being new to interactions with boys as the opposite sex, she wasn't sure about lots of things and for the first time in her school career, her big sister wasn't there to advise her, or even compete with her but mainly to protect her and while this was exciting and gave her a little frisson of excitement, it was potentially rather frightening as well. She'd have to play it by ear but also watch what other girls did and remember that she wasn't exactly the same as most girls in the knicker department and so she had to keep that area well away from prying hands. That she shouldn't be indulging in sex of any sort beyond a bit of petting she was well aware of but awareness didn't always stop them becoming gymslip mothers or in her case possibly denounced as a freak and it going around the school at the speed of light.

Michelle's mother was collecting her from school, so it was just Jane and Carrie who ventured to the school gate where two boys were laughing and joking while they waited for their love interests to appear. The girls had been busy in the loo checking their appearances from a hundred and fifty angles, while refreshing lip balm or gloss and mascara and little squirts of body spray before reacquainting themselves with the two adolescent males.

Greetings were exchanged between the foursome and they strolled off towards the bus stops on the nearby main road. "So what about Friday, will she let you come out then?" Mark enquired of his choice of would-be female company.

Carrie had told him that Penny wouldn't let her date any boys during the school week, what she didn't add was that Penny wouldn't be exactly happy that Carrie wanted to date boys at all given her complications.

"She might, I'll ask her when I get home. What are we gonna do if I can date you?"

"What d'ya fancy? There's a new space adventure film in the multiplex."

Carrie wasn't sure if she wanted to go to see a space adventure film, since becoming a girl full time her tastes had changed and the boy type activities she'd once enjoyed she seemed to eschew. Her mother had thought more about it than she had wondering if some of her behaviour was simply copying Tara and Macey or were deeper things happening.

Penny felt sad that Cary's friendship with Colm had seemingly receded to nothing at the same time she didn't want to appear to be encouraging Carrie to go out with a boy, especially as Carrie hadn't initiated the idea. It was, therefore, a bit of a surprise when Carrie asked her if she could go out on Friday evening.

"Where are you going and with who?" she asked as she sorted the washing she'd just taken out of the dryer.

"Just some kids from school, probably going to the cinema."

"Which kids from school?"

"What you want name, rank and serial number?" she complained remembering that was all captured soldiers had to reveal to their captors.

"At least that, if they're boys I want a full health inventory plus a polygraph test on their intentions towards my younger child, not to mention a financial statement, and a copy of their educational achievements thus far."

"Muuuum," wailed Carrie, suspecting that Penny was just teasing her but she wasn't entirely sure never having had to ask if she could go out with someone before, this was virgin territory for her and Penny's over the top interrogation was intending to keep her territory, totally virgin until she was physically sorted and an independent and autonomous adult. "We're jusy gonna see a film, that's all, sex isn't until second dates like you told me." Two could play at teasing.

"No I said until two years, not two dates," Penny's heart had skipped a beat when Carrie had responded to her silly question and while she knew that Carrie couldn't have sex even if she wanted to, she believed that Carrie was probably more averse to it than most teenage girls, some of who were as driven by their hormones as most boys. She fully expected to have real battles with Tara over boys and the heart-rending outcomes they would have, now she realised she would probably have similar battles with Carrie as her hormones started to work and she developed into a young woman.

"Two years?" gasped Carrie, "crikey, Mummy, I'll be drawing my pension by then."

"Going into the sixth form, maybe, but you're likely to be about ninety by the time the government pay you a pension."

"Nah, I'm gonna be a pop star like Karen was and retire at twenty."

"Who's Karen?" asked Penny placing her washing in the laundry basket for it to be ironed.

"Karen, you know, our namesake."

"Oh that Karen, I see, I hope you have a business plan?"

"Uh, only bit I've got down so far is make loadza dosh and have loadza fun."

"Those may do as objectives, what are you going to use as your method?"

"Look, his name's Mark, okay and he's got beautiful blue eyes and amazing eyelashes."

"I knew you'd tell me in the end, they always do," she cackled like a stereotypical mad witch and Carrie shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"We're only going to the cinema to see some stupid film, nothing's gonna happen is it? Not with this body."

She sensed a sadness in the tone of Carrie's response and as she stood up to speak with her younger daughter, the latter had run upstairs thereby defeating the interrogator's ambition, this was followed by the slamming of the bedroom door and Penny knew she'd have a wonderful evening in prospect.

The Joiners pt 19.

by
Angharad

---

"What's the matter with misery guts?" asked Tara as she came down from changing out of her school uniform?

"We had an inferred difference of opinion," replied Penny.

"Oh," it didn't really surprise her as there was only the two of them in the house until she came home.

"Did you win?" asked Penny of Tara's netball match.

"Natch, though I think one or two of theirs were Russian shot-putters, they had hairier legs than that Ronaldo guy, an' he's Portugese, in he?"

"Isn't he," corrected Penny.

"I dunno, I was asking you," said Tara oblivious to the crossed wires that just happened.

Penny shook her head in despair.

"Woss for tea?" Tara asked her.

"Salmon fillets with new potatoes, whole green beans, baby carrots and watercress sauce."

"Oh, okay, wan' me t' get droopy drawers?"

"You could inform your sister that tea will be ready in a few minutes. Ah, there's your dad," Penny said as they both heard the car pull into the drive and stop in front of the garage. The up-and-over garage door was hardly ever used as Rob had some of his model railway layout stored in there, some of which was quite valuable and priceless in the hours he'd spent building it much of it from scratch to his own designs. He enjoyed that, at least they ended up exactly as he'd planned unlike real buildings, some of which do not respond well to builders interpretation of the plans.

He greeted Penny and told her the food smelt good and to give him two minutes to wash his hands and change out of his suit. He always felt better after getting out of his working clothes, even though they were comfortable, it was the act of dissociating himself from work that made him shed the stress with them.

As he passed Carrie's room he heard voices, tapped on the door and poked his head around it. "Hi kiddos," he called gently.

"Dad," responded Tara while Carrie remained silent. That was unusual, so he went in."

"You okay, kiddiwink?" he asked looking directly at Carrie.

"Yeah, s'pose so."

"Go and tell your mum we'll be down in a couple of minutes," he said directly to Tara, who knew she was dismissed.

"You've been crying, care to tell me about it?" he said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Oh it was just Mummy and me having a bit of an argument."

"About what?"

"I was asked to go to the cinema with some of the kids from school."

"Were there individuals of the male persuasion amongst these kids?"

"Might be." Carrie avoided eye-contact.

"And was that the basis of the disagreement?"

Carrie felt her eyes fill with tears which slowly erupted down her cheeks. She nodded and Rob pulled her to him. "So your mother said no, did she?"

Carrie sat on his lap blubbing before finally managing to control herself and say, "We didn't get that far, as soon as she knew there were boys going she just got really heavy."

"She's trying to protect you, kiddo, you do have a few complications and very little experience of dealing with boys, or at least doing so as a girl. It's different for girls."

"You're not kidding there," she responded drying her eyes and wiping her nose on the tissue she had in the pocket of her jeans. "But remember I was a boy for fourteen years, so I know how they think."

"Do you, or did you think you lived as one for fourteen years, because I think the evidence isn't exactly in your favour, is it?"

"Oh so it's my fault now is it?"

"It's nobody's fault, sweetheart, it just is and we have to try and sort it out as we can so that you can have as normal a life as is possible."

"Doesn't that mean interacting with boys?"

"Okay, let me get changed and we'll go down and face the ogress together, there may be safety in numbers. Or while she's eating me you can make a run for it." Carrie blew her nose and laughed - which can get a bit messy, so Rob left her to clean herself up while he went and changed.

"So what's his name?" asked Tara as the discussion about her going to the cinema was floated over the dishes. Carrie blushed and looked away, "Ho, so there is a boy you like," Tara was verging on exultant.

"Come on, Tar, give your sister some space," said Rob, always the voice of calm and sensibleness.

"But she teased me about boys I liked." Tara gave a perfect pout and Carrie felt very guilty about past sins.

"That was different, you were both role playing siblings not sisters. Sisters are supposed to be supportive of each other." Penny was trying to calm things down too, perhaps she should just have allowed Carrie to go out with this boy and sink or swim, except, and it was a big exception, if it got out that Carrie had an unusual anatomy in her knickers it could be round the school in seconds and she would be destroyed by the process.

On the other hand keeping her away from boys would prevent her learning how to deal with them, which would mean she'd have to learn later or possibly never and that may stop her having a normal life. Did this wanting to meet up with a boy mean she was heterosexual or was she just exploring? If she was a hetero female what of all the time she spent with Colm before, when they went off on their bikes much of the day? How did that fit in with who she is now, or was it simply a tomboy part of her life, which some girls have and grow out of when their hormones start flowing but were Carrie's hormones flowing yet? Penny doubted it and wondered if much of Carrie's behaviour was imitating Tara and other girls she knew. She knew raising children was difficult, she hadn't realised how much harder it was when one of the children was different.

"If we let you go to the cinema, who else is going?" asked Penny.

"Jane and another boy," Carrie said quietly, hoping that Tara wouldn't start teasing again.

"Okay you can go, but I want to see what you plan to wear and be very careful that he doesn't take any liberties." Penny decided that it was better to allow some risk taking and hope that Carrie was capable of it. She suspected she was but it yet to be proven.

Carrie's mood immediately improved and she eventually slipped away from the table to send a text to say she could go to the cinema. As she was texting, Tara crept up beside her and snatched her phone, "Oh, it's Mark is it? What's he like?"

"Gimme that back," Carrie snatched her phone back but it fell to the ground and the screen cracked. "Now look what you've done," she accused her sister loudly.

"What's going on?" asked Rob obviously having heard the fracas in the hall.

"Tara grabbed my phone and dropped it and the screen is cracked."

"I didn't drop it you grabbed it and it fell."

"You shouldn't have snatched it from me in the first place," Carrie was very angry and also close to tears. She didn't know how to express what she was feeling as a girl and the extra confusion made her want to run away and cry, but if she let Tara win, she run roughshod over her next time as well.

"Did you take her phone?" Rob asked his elder daughter.

"It was only a joke, Daddy."

"There's a place in town repairs cracked screens for most popular makes, look it up online and see what they charge," he said to Carrie having examined the phone, which still worked but the screen image was distorted and he knew that would cause Carrie some problems later. "Get a proper case for it, too," he added. had it been in a case it may well have survived the fall.

"Um, who's going to pay for it, Daddy?" asked Carrie.

"Muggins, I expect," he said meaning himself. "But I want to know roughly how much before I hand over any cash."

"Thank you, Daddy," Carrie hugged her dad and wrapped him round her little fingers. Rob knew he'd been had but he also knew Tara couldn't afford to pay for it, and he could have claimed on the house insurance but usually the way that worked was that you paid for it in the long run with increased premiums and excesses so it was cheaper to pay in the first place and save the insurance for bigger things.

After he left the two girls, Tara apologised to her sister and they talked about the boys they were looking to date, or in Tara's case, already doing so. "So he's got blondish hair and blue eyes?" confirmed Tara.

"And the most amazing eyelashes, they're quite long for a boy and have golden tips to them." Carrie was evidently fond of this boy, or thought she was.

"Sounds a real prince charming, so just remember, Cinderella don't let him near your balls."

"What?" squeaked Carrie, "I haven't got any."

"I was being metaphorical, droopy drawers, just keep him out of them."

"Why is everyone obsessed with what's in my knickers?" Carrie was beyond irritated now.

"Because he's a boy and that's how they operate, and seeing as there's a surprise in your panties, if you don't want him to get the wrong idea, don't let him find out. He won't hear you say that you're XX chromosomes, he'll just think it's a dick and whack you one thinking you set out to fool him."

"Why does this always happen to me?" sobbed Carrie and Tara gave her a hug .

Carrie slept fitfully that night, the conversation with Tara had reminded her of the things she was desperately trying to forget. She really liked this Mark boy although she wasn't sure what to do when they did go to the cinema. In part she hoped her body would know and react to what Mark was doing, but if he went too far, it could all go balls up, but she didn't have any of those just what looked like a penis, but wasn't. She could copy Jane, but she might do something Carrie didn't like or hadn't got to, why does everything new have to have questions or risks attached? She supposed that was what made it new and without new things life would be a bit repetitive and boring.

When she thought about Mark, she got a funny sensation up inside her which was nice funny and which she'd never had about anyone else and she began to think that she really did fancy him. If this had happened a month or two ago, she'd have thought she was gay, but the doctors had reassured her that she was female but that her bits were a mess.

She was also trying to work out how she could avoid stray hands going to forbidden places and she wondered about using a sanitary towel to hide any anomalies plus she could say she was on and that would almost guarantee no hands anywhere near her awkward bits. Yes, that was what she'd do and having resolved part of her problem she eventually managed to sleep.

She woke bleary eyed and tired, when Penny saw her she told her to have a lie in. She told her mother what she'd planned to do to disguise her anomaly. Her mother nodded and asked how long she'd lain awake thinking about it.

Carrie yawned and said, "Too long."

"Okay, it's eight o'clock now, I'll give you a shout at ten when I want you to get up. We'll discuss what you're going to wear when you've had breakfast, and how you're going to do your hair and makeup."

"I'm only going out with some school friends, Mummy, not a garden party at Buckingham Palace or even doing a gig somewhere."

"No daughter of mine is going out looking like a hobo or a trollop. So we'll plan what you're wearing, but have a little snooze now and I'll see you in a bit."

"Okay," yawned Carrie and off she went back to sleep with great ease.

At ten, Penny awoke her and she went downstairs in her night dress and chomped her way through two slices of toast with scrambled eggs on top. Then she looked at her phone beside her plate. It had a lovely cover with butterflies and flowers on it and when she opened it, the screen was no longer cracked.

Tara came in and took off her coat. "Thanks for getting my phone sorted," she said to her sister.

"Nothing to do with me," she said and went off in search of a cup of tea.

"Where's Daddy," she asked of Penny.

"Out in the garage I think playing with his train set," replied Penny knowing full well that Rob would go bananas if he heard her describe his model making as a train set. "Why?"

"My phone is fixed, so he must have done it, I need to thank him."

"If he had then you would, as it happens, he didn't."

"So if he didn't do it, and Tara didn't do it, who did?"

"Just think about it and I'm sure you'll be able to work it out."

"But that only leaves you, Mummy and you were here earlier and now, so it couldn't be you, could it."

"Couldn't it? You were asleep for two hours, a lot can happen in two hours. Or perhaps not." Penny took the dirty plate and cutlery and placed them in the bowl of soapy water in the sink.

Carrie wasn't quite sure what to think, but if her dad didn't do it and Tara didn't, either she'd dreamt it was broken and didn't have a cover, or her mother must have done it. She wrapped her arms around Penny from behind and rested her head on her mother's back and squeezed gently. "Thank you for getting my phone fixed and choosing such a nice cover. I love it."

"Good, and you're welcome, I got some more of that nice bread and some rolls while I was in town, so we'll have some cheese and tomatoes with it for lunch."

"Sounds nice, Mummy."

"Right go and do your homework, I want it finished before you go out tonight."

"Okay, Mummy, should I have a shower?"

"No leave it until this afternoon, and it'll look nicer for when you go out, Tara said she'd do your hair for you."

"Thank you, Mummy. You're the best," said Carrie as she trotted up to her bedroom while Penny muttered, 'It's funny you only remember that when you want something.'