'Mad Dog' Jansen stomped down the polluted beach, kicking driftwood and whatever else got in his way with his size 14 combat boots. He smiled for a moment at the memory of how that pansy quarterback for the Saints had looked after he'd 'accidentally' snapped his throwing arm, the pain in his eyes before he'd passed out. It had been a clean hit but Jansen knew he'd angled himself to inflict the maximum amount of damage.

     The ref couldn't say anything and the other team were too concerned about their fallen leader to go after him right then. When he came back to the sideline the coach told him to hit the showers as he didn't want a war on his hands when the other team came to its senses. Jansen knew the coach would really rather send him packing but the owner had personally signed him and most of the other renegade players that made up the highly successful but despised team.

So Jansen found himself killing time before the plane ride back to the west coast. Time was his enemy, it reminded him that he was away from the only thing that brought him any satisfaction. There was no way he could take the heels and dresses on the road. One whiff of his predeliction and his career would be over. He remembered the last time that had happened nearly fifteen years ago.

     He'd been 15 and puberty had been slow to arrive. He'd always loved women's clothes but he was totally enamored of Marilyn Monroe and he'd convinced his mom to let him dress up as her that Halloween. He remembered the white dress they'd found at the thrift shop and the long blond wig his mom borrowed from the beauty shop. That was the good part of the memory. He also remembered what happened when he'd appeared in school.

     The girls laughed and the boys flipped up his dress and howled when they saw he was wearing panties. Then one of the girls recognized the costume. She'd seen "The Seven-Year Itch" and told the guys that Jansen was trying to be Marilyn Monroe but there was a major problem with his costume, Marilyn wasn't wearing panties when she wore that white dress. The guys rectified that despite his struggles and for the rest of the day whenever the teachers weren't looking someone would flip up his dress until he couldn't take it any longer and ran home. He vowed never to dress up again. He also vowed revenge on his tormentors.

     The next year his mom married a football coach and they moved to another school district. He changed his last name to match his new step-dad and when puberty hit him and he bulked out his step-dad taught him the game. He found he had a talent for the game and it allowed him to get back at all the guys that had made fun of him. His team crushed the team from his former school and he personally sent two of his tormentors to the bench.

     He sought out the girl who'd humiliated him and with the help of a little date rape drug he used her and left her - minus her panties in front of his old school. That was a mistake, the feel of the panties aroused old feelings in him, ones he'd fought so hard to suppress. He began to dress again but found his new bulk made it nearly impossible to find anything to fit him. It wasn't until he'd made the pros that he could have things custom made and sent to a PO box under an assumed name.

     So here he was stuck on a dingy beach while his wardrobe was a couple of thousand miles away. He looked at his boots and wished they were the 5 inch stiletto's back at his apartment. And while looking at them he spotted a pretty bottle stuck in a pile of sludge. The pain returned and he took it out on the nearest object - the bottle.

     He crushed it under his foot and nearly fell over when a woman appeared in front of him picking glass out of her clothes and hair and trying vainly to remove the sludge. She gave the mortal who'd freed her a dirty look but was compelled to offer him his wish.

     Jansen wasn't sure whether to believe her but figured it was his one chance to get what he finally wanted and made his wish.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Later back in his hotel room he stood in front of the mirror and waited for the change to occur that the genie promised him. As he did so he realized he was changing and there in front of him was Marilyn, in a stunning chartreuse Pucci dress.

     Wait - he recognized that dress! It was the one Marilyn was wearing at her funeral!

     And as he looked he realized the changes were continuing as the flesh sloughed off his body and the dress began to deteriorate until only the corporeal remains of his desire were left. His last thought before his body crumbled to the carpet was that he had gotten his wish; he looked just like Marilyn did - now!

Note: The title comes from a quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe:

     Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.

And we learn even the 'literal genie' can't resist a peek.

Alec McFarland marched along the beach, playing the pipes
in full regalia. Actually he hadn't planned on practicing
out here in the middle of nowhere but his flatmates had
suggested he get some fresh air. Actually they had bodily
tossed him from the flat muttering dire threats about where
his pipes might end up if he didn't practice elsewhere. So
Alec marched along the shore thinking about Timothy
O'Shea.

Now Alec loved women; he loved the clothes they wore, the
way they smelled and the way they looked. But he loved
Timmy more and his greatest wish in life was to find his
way to Timmy's heart. But alas, Timmy only had eyes for the
lassies and this painful thought caused Alec to produce
the most awful wailing note from his pipes. So painful was
that note that fish popped out of the water and lay dead on
the surface and right in front of him an old bottle
fractured into thousands of pieces, sending the stopper
shooting ten feet into the air.

Then, before Alec's astonished eyes, appeared a genie with
hair standing straight out and holding her fingers in her
ears for dear life. The genie looked about and cautiously
removed her fingers from her ears, but remained poised to
instantly replace them if necessary. She regarded Alec
with a jaundiced eye.

"Was it you produced that awful caterwauling?" she asked.

"Aye, miss. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, " the apologetic
Alec replied. "The pipes got away from me."

"You humans certainly find unique ways to free me from the
bottle. Can't any of you just pull out the stopper like it
was intended? No matter. You are entitled to one wish for
freeing me so get on with it, I have a major house repair
to begin."

Alec thought, "Here's my golden opportunity" and said, "I
wish I were a lassie with long golden blond hair and that I
could love Timmy forever."

"So it is spoken…" The Genie paused while Alec stood there
frozen. She lifted up the front of his kilt. "Aha! Just as
I suspected." she said, then completed the phrase, "So
shall it be done!"

--------------------------------Later-----------------------------------------

"Timmy, time for dinner," called out his mom.

Timmy yelled for Lassie, "C'mon girl time to eat."

Alec shook his coat and scampered after Timmy.

"Cut, " yelled the director and then turned on the dog's
trainer. "I know we're using a male dog because they're
easier to train but could you please stop Lassie from
trying to hump Timmy's leg every time they're alone!"

The 'literal genie' is a triple threat

The three crossdressers had found a deserted beach where
they could wear their women's bathing suits without being
laughed at. Wandering along the shore they espied a bottle
and each grabbed for it. In the ensuing catfight the
stopper got pulled and the requisite beautiful genie
appeared.

"Who freed me," she asked?

"I did, I did! "all three exclaimed.

"Well, normally one of you would get a wish but since
you all claim to have freed me I'll give you each one."

Fred, a burly construction worker thought for a moment and
said, "I want to be a woman with a nice pair of hooters."

"So it is spoken, so shall it be," and Fred disappeared.

Bill, a horny teenager, said, "I want to be a woman with a
cute pussy."

"So it is spoken, so shall it be," and Bill disappeared.

Vinnie made his wish and also disappeared.

---------------Later --------------------------------------

The heavyset woman answered the door and invited the young
teenage girl in.

Billie stared at the woman with the two big owls on her
shoulders and scratched behind the ear of the kitten she
carried everywhere and exclaimed, "Guess we got what we
wished for!"

"Yeah," whined Fredrika, "I wonder what Vinnie wished
for?"

The doorbell rang.

"That must be Vinnie now," and they opened the door.

A nondescript olive-complected woman with the start of a
mustache gaped at the two of them.

"You too, eh?" the former Vinnie said.

"Yeah guess we should have made our wishes a little
clearer." said the older woman. "But what did you wish
for?"

Just then an enormous braying sound came from outside the
door.

"Oh."

The 'literal genie' takes this wish for a spin.

He dangled his line of the end of the pier as the tide came
in hoping to catch the night's dinner when the hook snagged
on something. He tugged and tugged and finally the hook
came free. He pulled up the line to find his hook firmly
embedded in a cork. The next moment a thoroughly wet but
beautiful genie appeared before him.

"Don't you know you're supposed to open the bottle on dry
land." she exclaimed. "Well, get on with it make your wish
so I can get into some dry clothes will you!"

The lonely fisherman thought a bit as the genie stood
impatiently.

"I'd like to be a beautiful model with a sleek body that
would be admired and coveted by men as well as women." he
wished.

"So it is spoken, so shall it be." intoned the shivering
genie.

And the old man disappeared.

------------------------Later-------------------------------

"Can I help you sir?" the salesman asked.

"Yes, I'm interested in that beautiful new 'vette in your
showroom window."

"Ah yes the latest model, she's been really attracting
attention. She's a special edition, one of a kind."

Avast there! Why wait a year for a challenge? This was one of my 'literal genie' shorts and goes with the theme of the day.

Roger had just come back from seeing "Pirates of the Caribbean" for the 10th time. Enamored of the dashing life of a swashbuckling pirate captain so unlike his own drab existence he walked under the boardwalk and stared out over the waves. Not paying attention he tripped over something lying in the sand. A bottle. He looked about for a trash can when he noticed a glow from inside the bottle.

"Holy Moses! hope this isn't some radioactive stuff, " and was about to toss it back into the sea when he lost his grip and the bottle went flying, leaving him holding just the stopper.

"Radioactive stuff indeed," sniffed the genie who suddenly materialized before him. "Don't you recognize a magic bottle when you see one?"

"Can't say that I have. Yours is the first one I've come across."

"Well despite that fact you were about to fling me back you did technically free me so make your wish," the exasperated genie replied.

Roger thought about his dream of being a dashing pirate and excitedly said, "I want to be a pirate captain, with a fast ship, a big chest and lots of booty!"

"So it is spoken, so shall it be." said the genie, with just the hint of a giggle.

--------------------------Later--------------------------------------------------

"Captain, captain, we've sighted a merchant ship, " shouted the lookout.

The captain swung about and his enormous breasts nearly bowled the first mate over. The ship's boy wasn't nearly as lucky as the captain's huge ass knocked him flying.

"How many times have I told you boy, keep your wits about you!" shouted the captain as his top and bottom quivered like bowls of pudding. The lavish dress he wore covered a shape Rubens would envy and was feared over the seven seas. But his crew loved him and Roger got his jollies where he could.

     Tyler Spence was an enigma, a blond, blue-eyed ruggedly handsome man the women loved but couldn't snare. Not that he was a player, just the opposite. Women found him a consummate and considerate sexual partner but never a lover. The perfect gentleman he never made promises he didn't keep and never bragged about his liaisons. The women talked about him though and his apparent disinterest in a long-term relationship didn't stop them from trying. Each was sure that she would be the one to turn his head AND his heart.
     A marine biologist by trade, he also loved his work. At the moment it involved the eating habits of the great white. He often went down in a cage or more often diving to observe a shark while feeding and the foundation that employed him made extra income from the vivid film he shot. His appearances on those 'Wild Kingdom' type shows brought him a new legion of fans both male and female.
     Today, however, he was involved in one of the more unsavory parts of his job. A great white had been captured off the coast and he was here to investigate the stomach contents. Not one of his favorite parts but necessary if he was to better understand this eating machine.
     Tyler took his knife and carefully slit the belly and the contents of the stomach poured out onto the stainless steel table. Bits and pieces of a variety of fish were photographed to help chart where the great white had been. There was also a lot of refuse for the shark was a great garbage collector.
     Amid the offal Spencer spotted a grime encrusted old bottle. It was ornate with designs and a stopper that begged to be opened. Now, normally Tyler would take the item, clean it off and then open it but instead, in a manner uncharacteristic of him he pulled the stopper out amidst the blood and guts. It was as if he were too impatient to wait. And he didn't seem too surprised when a genie appeared. And boy was she steamed!
     "How dare you subject me to this . . . this pool of slime and rot! It'll take years to get the smell out of my bottle. And look what you've done to my clothes and hair!"
     Despite her ire the genie was compelled to offer the mortal who had released her a wish.
     Tyler with a leer spread across his face said, "I'd like to be able to get into Jessica Simpson's pants anytime I want!"
     The genie looked at this obviously macho pig and with an evil grin said, "So it is spoken so let it be done!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Tyler looked in the mirror at a female twin of himself and a wide grin spread across his face. He took off the jeans he was wearing and sure enough the label said 'Jessica Simpson collection.' The genie was right, he was now able to get into Jessica's pants anytime he wanted!
     All the women who'd loved him didn't realize he was enamored of them because he wanted to be them! And now he'd finally got his wish. It had gone against the grain to subject the genie to the treatment he did. He knew she'd be very angry and though it pained him to cause her such grief the result was worth it.
     She recalled one of her favorite movies and paraphrasing General Patton's words said to herself, "You magnificent bitch, "I read your stories!"

Bob's anger and disappointment built as he moved about the prop room cleaning and dusting the myriad items that had graced the stage over the past 30 years. A stage, it appeared, that would never be graced by his presence.

she popped the cork off the bottle once more and prayed as she did at every performance for the genie to re-appear. The crowd thought her little speech impediment when she got excited was cute. Bobbi saw it as the curse that kept her dancing on the stage with her male appendage firmly hidden beneath a gaff, acknowledging the crowd's hoots and whistles for the best 'thong and dance' man in the world.

The "Literal Genie's" work is neverending, and sometimes things aren't what they appear to be.

He had just come back from Vegas and was wandering the
shore of his small beachfront home when out of the corner
of his eye he saw it. A flash of light on a piece of glass.
He strolled over to where he saw the flash and saw a bottle
nearly buried in the sand.

"Damn tourists and their littering , " he grumbled and dug
the bottle out. It was old and still had a cork in it. He
yanked on the cork and fell to the ground as a beautiful
genie materialized before him.

"For freeing me your fondest wish shall be granted," said
the genie.

"Hmmm, I'd like to have the body of the beautiful woman I
saw on stage in Vegas last week. I don't know her name
because I wandered into her show late by accident, but she
had a beautiful body and could sing too," he asked
hopefully.

"Picture her in your mind and I shall give you her body as
you wish. " said the genie.

He remembered how she looked up there on the stage.

-------------------------Later-----------------------------

He was in his living room in a spangled gown and
looking in the mirror saw a reflection of the girl he had
imagined.

"Great," he said as he placed his hands on his new bosom
and began to feel - nothing!

"What!" he yelped, " these tits are nothing but silicon
falsies!!"

"Guess she was flat chested"

He lifted the gown and reached between his legs, and instead
of the pussy he expected, found a cock.

"You promised me," he raged!

A flier appeared out of the middle of nowhere and fell to
the floor. He picked it up and saw a picture of the
beautiful woman he had become.

The flier said, "Come see Linda, The Greatest Female
Impersonator in Vegas - three nights only"