I stepped back onto the elevator wearing a mid-length dress and carrying a small purse on my shoulder. I would have wanted to say that I had complete confidence in myself…I mean, I had dealt with a boardroom of Samsung executives and the fiery CEO of an Indian company that dealt with electric cars. I would rather have been stared down by her burning gaze again than to be going to my reunion. But here I was, voluntarily descending into the snake pit.

There was a growing roar of voices as I walked down the hall to the ballroom.
“Okay, Keri, you got this. It’s just like Mumbai,” I whispered to myself as I fished my name tag out of my purse and placed it on my chest.

The lights were low, but we were not in complete darkness, just enough to hide a grey hair and a probable wrinkle or two.
I could barely recognize anyone. When I tried to place a face with a memory, it would vanish into the ether before a match materialized. I decided to go to the open bar and request a light drink—I’d wait to try anything harder.

The bartender was friendly enough, but I had to wonder how long he would last. Our football team once finished three kegs of beer in fifteen minutes of less at an off-campus celebration for winning the state championship. No one ever learned how they acquired it.

The DJ played “Smells Like Teen Spirit”—either a nod to the nineties, Seattle itself, or a back-handed slap to our heads to tell us we were all older. I hoped they would play a slower or song or two—not that I assumed anyone would want to dance with me. No one knew me, but there was always hope that someone might give me a look…if they were not three sheets to the wind.

I sat at a table decorated with a centerpiece of a man riding on a horse, a ranger. The rest of the table was covered in a glittery like confetti that would find its way into various nooks and crannies of your clothes and skin. If you didn’t receive an award or a group picture, you could at least know you brought green, silver, yellow or red paper mementos home with you.

The crowd swelled and the music kicked into some form of dance music: heavy on the drums and the synthesizer. I would have to see if the DJ could play something by The Cure or maybe Garth Brooks. The tables slowly filled with people laughing, talking and taking snapshots with their phones. There were a few with actual cameras; the ones with a flash that would illuminate a quarter of the room for half a second. Several people waved to me as they walked by, but I still could not place anyone. I should have brought my yearbook. There were several screens on the wall, maybe they would show pages from our yearbook…and, tragically, the images of Christopher James Riley would appear. The good thing about it though, I could be incognito until decided to reveal myself

Sure enough, the screens came alive with our class pictures, almost synchronized to the music. The images flashed by like a disjointed kinetoscope to the beat that was already thumping in my head too much. The crowd turned its attention to the slide show and, I admit, I felt a bit sentimental towards that earlier time, even though I despised most of it, those times drove me to be me the real me who sat at that reunion.

“Hello, is this seat taken?”
I turned to the voice and squinted in the darkness before responding. “Please, be my guest.”
The kind of thin man placed his drink on the table and turned to me. “Forgive me, but I think I recognize you, but it’s escaping me like William Shatner’s toupee. Sorry, wow, I told myself I wouldn’t drop any Star Trek references.” I could see his face was all flustered as he grabbed his drink and stood back up. “I’m sorry, I’m just going to go and—”
“Have a seat, Daniel,” I replied.
He looked at his name tag and then at me as I held up my glass.
“Seriously, sit down. Not the first time I’ve heard you say that.”
“How do you know me?” Daniel asked as he slowly sat back down.
“Well, we were friends back then, you know?”
“I don’t recognize you and if we were friends back then, I think I would have asked you to Prom.”
“You took Angelica Whitman to prom.”
“Worst dance in my life,” he replied and then took a drink.
“Oh no, that was Winterfest.”
“How do you know about that?”
“I picked you up and drove you home.”
Daniel leaned in closely—any closer and I would have to slap him--and whispered: “Chris?”
“I go by Keri, now.”
“Wow, umm, you look good.”
“Thank you,” I replied with the upmost sincerity.
Daniel turned his chair to me. “So, what have you been up to?”
“You first,” I goaded.
“Well, as you know, my family moved to the Midwest. Nebraska, to be specific. The land of grasshoppers, flatlands, and tornadoes.”
“Omaha?”
“I wish. It was a small town in western Nebraska. No cable, no blockbuster and no Dairy Queen.”
“Horrors.”
“I took a year off before I went to college to just figure things out, of course, I had to work, and the only place was the town’s tiny grocery store.” Daniel gulped down the of his drink before continuing. “But that a good thing, met the girl who became my wife two years later. Then, we moved to Michigan because she though it would be a good thing to work the land and to live in a cabin in the woods.”
“I never saw you as a man of the land. I have been proven wrong.
“Not so fast…I wasn’t a man of the land, or the man of my own cabin. She had a, quote, pen pal, who put the idea in her head to move. And, long chapter of my life short, I finally went to school and graduated with a business degree.”
“Where are you working now?”
“Best Buy.”
“Corporate?”
“Geek Squad. Market’s tight where I live.”
“Where do you live?”
“Tukwila. I mean, I’m okay with my life. I didn’t have anything really planned at the end of high school. I got to play the part of that feather in ‘Forrest Gump’.”
I nodded as Daniel smiled. It was nice to see he was okay after everything that happened to him.

“And what has Keri been up to since Graduation?”
“Well, like you, my family moved east, but to Tennessee, and I took two years off from school to take care of some personal issues. Unfortunately, that caused a rift in my family and essentially, I had to say goodbye to them. I went on to work for the O'Callaghan Collective and I’ve been working for them ever since.”
“What do they do?”
“Everything under the sun and my job is to bring other companies under us. I’ve been to foreign places like Mumbai, South Korea, Los Angeles.”
“I’d ask for a job, but that would be improper.”
I reached into my purse and pulled out a business card. “Send me your resume.”
Daniel took the care and looked at me with a bit of suspicion and surprise. “This isn’t like that time I gave you fake number for that girl named Tiffany, is it?”
“I forgot about that one.”
“This is your real business card?”
I nodded. “The number’s real too.”
“I’m liking this reunion so far and to think I wasn’t planning on coming.”
“Why not?”
“High school never ends, you know? There are people here who would still want to throw me into the lockers or destroy my trombone. Even if their lives are worse than mine. Can I get you another drink?”
“Thank you.”
Daniel took our glasses and made his way through the crowd to the bar. I turned back to the table to see a group of women approach. One of them had a voice that I remembered quite well. I shuddered and turned away from them. I then removed my name tag and hoped none of them would ask for my name.
“This table looks kind of open,” one of the women said. “Excuse me, is anyone else sitting here?”
“Yes,” I replied, “he went to get a drink.”
“Do I know you?”
I should have asked Daniel to get me a shot of tequila.

She walked around the table and stood about two feet away from me. “Hello, I’m Anna Burke.”
There was so much I wanted to do at that point: hit her, bite her, and then run screaming from the room but I couldn’t do anything like that and feel good about it in the morning.
“I’m Keri Powell.”
“Any relation to Danny Powell?”
“Yes, he’s my husband.”
“Really?”
Anna’s expression was a cross between being interested and not giving a crap about anything.
“Keri!” Daniel exclaimed as he walked back to the table.
I turned and walked over to him. “Thank you, honey. Isn’t he quite the gentleman?”
“Your drink, my dear.”
I took one of the glasses and his hand.
“It’s nice to meet you and to see you again, Danny,” Anna replied with a smile.
“You too,” Daniel replied as he squeezed my hand. “Honey, the chess club wants to have an impromptu picture taken of everyone and the significant others.”
“Please excuse us,” I said to Anna and then hurriedly walked away with Daniel.
“I see Anna found you.”
“Thank you for going along with me.”
“There really is a chess club picture going on.”
“I’m all for it. Oh, and Anna thinks we’re married.”
“I’m all for it,” Daniel replied with a grin.

I looked back at Anna for a split second, but enough to see her talking with she group she arrived with. My mind was jumping to conclusions faster than a politician in midterm debate: Were they talking about me? Did she remember me from that long ago? Did I make a terrible wardrobe decision?

Daniel stopped in front of a group of twelve guys. Half of them had hair as long as Willie Wilson, and the other had barely any hair on their heads. They were either on their phones or in the case of two oif them, playing a game of chess.

“Look at all of these old guys,” Daniel exclaimed as he put his hands on his face in an homage to “Home Alone”
“Daniel-san Powell,” One of the long-haired guys said with a mild bow.
Daniel bowed back. I kind of wanted to know what the Karate Kid reference was all about but decided not to ask. “How are you guys doing?”
“They’re still slow they can’t checkmate in four moves.” A voice boomed from behind us. We turned to see a man who appeared to still be living in the 90’s: he was wearing parachute pants, had a goatee, and jet-black hair. “You guys ready for the photo?”
“Tom, did you swipe those from Vanilla Ice or MC Hammer?”
“Hey they stole their look form me, okay?”
The four guys shook hands with Tom and I aced.
“Will, Marty, reset the board, it’s for a picture…no, that’s a good set-up let’s leave it like that.” Daniel said as the guys took their position.
I took a step back as an old man with a camera, circa 1989, shuffled his way over and took several pictures of the guys. Daniel then walked over, took my hands and lead me into the picture.
“I was never in chess club.”
Which was true. Not that I didn’t want to be, but it was always held during noon and that was the time that I was a part of the Vocal Ensemble—a special group of singers. Think “Glee Club” but with a bit more emo, angst, and less glee. We would do chats and vocalizations. I believe our “happiest” song would have been a rendition of a Scatman John song.
Daniel, though, loved playing the game, but I think he just enjoyed the company of like-minded guys. At the time, I kind of thought of them as guys who would either accidentally create a hydrogen bomb or be the stand-in boss for Apple, which, in reality, would mean I would be their supervisor.
“You’re an honorary member,” Will replied with a wave of his hand to have the others make room.
“Let’s make this good one. Check in three. Three, two, one…”
“Check!” We all yelled.
“Unfortunately, that’s not ever going to be in a yearbook.”
“Facebook?” Daniel asked.
“You’re on Facebook, Daniel?”
“Yes, Marty, I am. Surprising as it is.”
“Is that where you two met? Because I do not remember you from any classes. And, pardon me for saying this, I’d notice someone like you.”
“But you wanted to be the invisible man,” Will stated as the others went back to playing.
Daniel stood between me, Will, and Marty.
“No, I didn’t. But…I swear if I ever saw him again, I’d either punch him in the face or greet him with a handshake...and then a punch to the face.”
“Anthony Kedias isn’t going to be here, in any way shape or form,” Will stated as the music playing in the background faded.
I froze a bit at hearing that name as well. I did have something in common with the guys in the chess club: we were all Tony’s punching bags at one time or another.
“He’s not here, yet, Dan. It’s a when, not if.”
My first day, of course, was when I first met him.
“People change, Marty.” Tom replied.
Two months later, without any warning or provocation, he slammed me up against my locker.
“People lose hair, people gain weight, but an ugly attitude never changes.”
During the holidays, he came to where I worked but didn’t recognize me at first.
“I’m sure he’s forgotten about the past. There is life after high school,” Tom replied with a wink in my direction.
A month later we were nearly tearing out clothes off one another in one of the school storage rooms.
“High school never ends, Marty,” Dan replied with a sigh.
He said he’d meet me later on that night, but he never made it to our planned rendezvous. He never returned for graduation.
“How’s he even going to be here? He didn’t graduate from Roosevelt,” Will said as he sat back down at the chess board.
“Have you talked to anyone else tonight, Will?”
“Don’t plan to, Dan. However, I am interested to know who you are,” he pointed at me, causing everyone else to look at me.
“This is my wife, Keri.”
“Take absolutely no disrespect, but did he bribe you to come here tonight?”
“No, I came on my own free will.”
“And you two are really…?” Marty inquired as he toppled Will’s queen.
“Yes.”
“Wow,I…I apologize, Dan…I mean, I sound like a dick right now.”
“Just right now?” Tom laughed.
“We’re going back to our table. I want everyone’s Whatsapp info before you leave.”
“Catch you later, Daniel, Keri.”
They exchanged multiple rounds of handshakes, salutes and some form of ASL, Alien Sign Langauge, I assumed before Dan walked with me back to the table.
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I asked as I held his hand.
“It’s a real life broadway show to me.”
“Do we need to plan a story on how we met?”
“That might be a good idea. People ask those kind of questions…”
There was a screech of feedback as someone yelled into a microphone: “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our master of ceremonies, Anthony Keidas”
Dan’s voice trailed off and he stopped. “He’s here. Oh God, why is he here?”
We both looked at main entrance to see Anthony Kedias run in with a round of applause from just about everyone, including Anna who rushed to hug him.
“Should we leave?” Dan asked.
“No, it’s a large reunion. They can’t be everywhere at once and as long as he’s on the stage, it looks like Anna’s going to hover near him.”
“I wonder what he’s doing with himself now. What kind of job can one get from bullying others?”
“Football star, a police officer in a small, podunk town, or a politician maybe.”
Yeah, he was probably a state senator.
“Thank you, Principal Myers. Good evening, Roosevelt High’s class of 1999. It is fantastic to be here! Can I get a “Rangers, Ho?”
The crowd responded with a deafening chorus of “Rangers, Ho!”
We walked back to the table we were at earlier and sat down.
“I’m not going to talk for long. I’ll save the long-winded speeches for Olympia.”
I looked at Dan and we both nodded.
“Time passes for us all and during that stretch, things become lost and people become forgotten. I want everyone here to know I remember everyone, I remember everything, from Mrs. Carey winning the great donut eating contest, our wins at the Kingdome and our undying school spirit. These memories are important to me, as they make me what I am today. I am a state senator for District 1and I wish I could say I got there because of my charm and good looks, but no, it was because I feel for people of Washington and I know the feel for me.”
“An impromptu stump speech. He could he have waited until everyone was drunk first,” Dan whispered.

The crowd applauded like their lives depended on it and Anthony’s face went into the widest grin you’d think he just won a presidential election. I I admit I missed that smile; it used to bring me so much happiness.

I started working at a pizza place early in my senior year, mostly on the phones as the manager thought my voice was calming when it had to be and authoritative the rest of the time. Callers usually identified me as “ma’am or “girl’ and I didn’t think anything of it, just simply took the orders and called them out to the prep area. I enjoyed it. It got me out of the house and—as my father would say—“put that work ethic in ya’”.
Our uniforms were black pants—that were always dusted with flour—and white t-shirts that loved the taste of marinara sauce. Some had aprons that would catch fire or melt as we found out one night when the fire department has to stop by. The store smelled like plastic with a hint of pepperoni and cheese.

The advantage of working at a delivery and carry-out only store was that I seldomly saw anyone from school. No, they would all meet at Taco del Rey or The Pink Bear with its all-female cashiers who got to wear the cutest outfits. There were days I wanted to put in an application to work there. I’d wear a pink dress and the bear ears if I had to, but I wouldn’t be able to stand my classmates and class enemies coming in. I’d rather throw a chicken fried steak—one of their most popular items—at some of them than serve it with a smile.

Dan knew I worked at the pizza place so he also knew where he could score a few pies and breadsticks on the cheap.
“How’s work, Chris?”
“Doing good, Dan. Anything going on for tonight?”
“Well, yeah, the LAN-party.”
Dan had invited eight other guys—myself at the time included—to lug massive CRT’s and towers to his house and then lay maybe a mile of cables all around to play Duke Nukem 3D, Unreal, and something called Quake. I didn’t own a PC, I had a Macintosh, something Dan would not let up about.
“Maybe they’ll make a multiplayer version of Myst.”
“You laugh now, but one day we’ll all have Apple products in our pockets.”
“Keep dreaming about that.” Dan replied with a snort.
“What do you want to order, Dan?”
His eyes danced back and forth across the menu board…which only had five items; pizzas, breadsticks, spaghetti, Pepsi products, and brownies that always had a hint of garlic butter.
“Why are you looking? You always get two pepperonis, an order of sticks, and a two-litre.”
“I have six other guys at the house, and they all want pizza too.”
“If you order seven, I’ll cut you a deal on the first three.”
“How about some Pepsi?”
“You’d be better off going across the street to the store. Sale on Dr. Pepper.”

Dan nodded as he took a wallet out of his pocket and handed over a wad of bills.
“They’re a little sweaty.”
“Dude, why do they smell so funky?”
“Remember Anthony’s threat that I owed him money for something?”
“Yeah?”
“Ever read ‘Papillon’?”

I almost threw the money and the pizza slice I had at break at him.
“I’m kidding, just a lot of sweat from moving computers.”
“I’m going to have to fumigate the counter,” I lamented as Dan walked to the door.
“It’ll be ready in, what, fifteen minutes?”
“Make it twenty,” I replied as I passed the ticket to guys in the back.
The phone rang. I picked up my ticket book and held the phone on my neck as I answered the call.
“Hey, yeah, I’d like to order a large spaghetti.”
I always wanted to ask a caller: “Why? It tastes like burned worms in a sugar-laden sauce,” but as I said I liked my job.
“Of course, sir. Anything else?”
“Some breadsticks.”
“Yes sir. One spaghetti and an order of breadsticks. That will be eight fifty-two and will be ready in fifteen minutes. May I have your name, please?”
“Tony Kedias.”

My jaw dropped for a moment and then I dismissed it. This was the greater Seattle area. While Kedias was not exactly “Jones” there had to be others out there with a similar name. After all, he called himself Tony, and not Anthony, so there was hope.
“Thank you. We will see you in fifteen minutes.”

I hung the phone up and handed the ticket to the back. Not that I never talked to the guys in the back, it was that I preferred to tend to the front of the house and if I took a step past the warming ovens then I would be in their world and I would have to understand how it felt to have two wives at once or how much community service I would have to for escorting an ambulance on the interstate because I refused to let them race last me. I will say, they were efficient and could prep a pizza like the miracle worker of Montgomery Scott, according to Dan.

Dan arrived ten minutes later as the guys were sliding his order into the warming ovens. I then pulled them out, along with the breadsticks and handed the stack over to Dan.
“You are coming after you get off of work, right?”
I figured I might as well go. I was invited and it allowed me to be around others who shared my outcast status of life.
“Sure. Don’t worry about saving any for me.”
“I got about ten six packs of Mountain Dew, the nectar of gamers.”
“I’ll bring several toothbrushes for the others,” I replied as Dan walked of the store.
“See you there!” I shouted with a wave and then turned to the guys in the back. ”Do you have the spaghetti and sticks order?”
“Yep,” came the monosyllabic reply as the items were hurriedly place on the counter.
Again, for as much as I didn’t talk to them, they were super in their delivery. So much so they could—and most likely did—leave out the back door to smoke and return in time for an order to leave the oven.
I walked to the side of the prep area and, yes, they had performed some kind of ninja vanish.
The front door opened and in walked a tall guy with a black leather jacket and his hair slicked back. I had to wonder if he had a motorcycle and if so, how was he going to place a pizza?
“Do you have an order for Tony Kedias?”
His face had a little bit of stubble, he didn’t exactly look like Anthony from school. Okay, maybe a little bit, but if it was him, he was going really incognito.
“Yes, sir,” right here.
“Thanks babe.”
Babe? I was a babe? I felt at my hair that was up in a ponytail, and I admit I was thin, but I wanted to think my face had a little bit of testosterone infusion to it. Perhaps he was mistaken.
“You’re welcome.”
“Are you from Roosevelt High?”
“Yes,”I replied as I bagged up his items along with some plastic ware.
“Have we met before?”
“It’s been a while, but yes, we’ve…met…a few times.”
“Yeah, that’s what I want to talk to you about,” he said as he laid a twenty on the counter. “This probably isn’t the best place, since you’re working and all.”
“I’m good for the moment. What’s on your mind, Tony?”
I cashed out the total and handed the money out to him, but he waved his hand for me to keep it.
“I…I want to apologize for, would terrorizing be the appropriate word? All your friends…and you.”
“Why did you?”
“I don’t know. Peer pressure?”
“Sounds like a cop-out, Tony,” I replied while crossing my arms.
“Yea, yeah…I thought that too. Listen, I’ve had some issues in the past and I just wanted to have people look at me, see that I’m, that guy you don’t want to mess with and then everyone leaves me alone.”
“Dan never bothered you.”
“I had to keep up appearances.
“I never bothered you.”
“No, you didn’t bother me that way.”
“I’m sorry, I’m a bit confused,” I sighed as I laid my hands on the counter.
“I’ve felt that for a while. Confusion about Anna.”
“Anna? She would follow you into Hell and back.”
“Yeah, and that’s another problem.”
Tony took a step back and looked at the wall for a moment before he turned back to me.
“You ever thought someone was not right for you but the person you think is right has no idea how you feel?”
“I can’t say I have. So, you’re saying that you’ve found a new girl and you’re going to dump Anna?”
“That does sound a bit harsh, doesn’t it?”
“A little,” I replied with a shrug.
Tony picked the bag up with one hand and placed his other on one of mine.
“I’m sorry, I only wanted to see more of you and it was easier to do that while pretending I’m this big guy, but I’m not. I can’t play that part anymore. I don’t want to.”
“Are you saying that you…like, like me?”
“If I felt I understood the meaning I’d say love you. For the past two years.”
“And you’re afraid of what people would say?”
“People, parents, you. Please tell me if I have to go bury my head in the sand at Chism Park.”
“No, I mean, it’s a little cold for that, seeing that it’s November.”
He lifted his hand, but I placed mine on top of it. I was taking the risk. The angel on my right thought he was telling the truth and that he looked cute. The devil on my left thought he was leading me on but hot damn he had those eyes.
“Are you busy later on?”
“No, I’m open, after we close, I mean, it may be a little late.”
“We could hang out at small coffee bar I know about.”
I let go of his hand and he grabbed a pen, then flipped over his receipt and wrote down an address and a phone number. “Just give me a call, if you want to meet me there. If you don’t want to, I’ll understand.”
I took the receipt and placed it in my pocket. “I’ll call you. Again, it may be kind of late.”
“Thank you, and thanks form the spaghetti.” He then reached his upper body across the counter and kissed me on the lips.
I wanted that to last forever but the phone rang and it snapped me out of my lust-laden thoughts.
I picked up of the phone as Tony waved and walked out of the shop.

I called Dan and told him I wouldn’t be able to attend due to my parents wanting me to come home after work. Which was true, they would want me to come home eventually. Dan may have head me, but I couldn’t tell due to all the yelling going on in the background. No idea what they were playing, but it sounded competitive. I drove a few miles to an area I was unfamiliar with, but I had looked up the address from the city map I had in the car. My parents were not willing to buy me a phone or allow me to purchase my own cell phone plan. I was driving on an unfamiliar street and I felt my body tense up.

The danger of getting killed or mugged, was high on the scale of “how will Chis meet his end, tonight?” However, the biggest fear I had was what Tony could say if this was all for a shock and awe.

“He kissed me,” I whispered to no one, “that has to be mean something.” I mean, he could have done it as a way to drag me into something. It was kind of a well-known secret at school that I was, different, in a way. I wouldn’t deny it if anyone ever asked, no one ever did to my face.

When Dan or someone else would ask what I thought about this girl, or that girl I would comment on what I thought about her. Did I think they looked cute? Some, yes. Did I want to berate another for her shortcomings and lack of any friend to help them with hair or make-up? No, I never allowed myself to take the crown of Bitchcess of Bitchland…I let Anna do that.

Anna, Tony’s girlfriend…or was she? Was he using her to keep up appearances? Was Tony bi and was she aware of this? Would Anna be at this clandestine coffee bar and be there to belittle me because she was standing next to Tony?
I pulled the car into a parking space on the side of Jacob’s Java Cabana. There were a few cars, but I didn’t know if one of those was Tony’s. I should have called him to let him know if I was going to be there or not but after all of the over-thinking in the car on the way it was time to just leave it all to chance.

The inside of the coffee bar had a strong aroma of roasted coffee beans and, maybe, a bit of pot lingering in the air. The lights were kind of low as if it was trying to emulate a pub. I walked up to the counter and asked for a double shot cappuccino—attempting to not use any terminology from Starbucks, as I assumed the barista would spit into my drink if I said I wanted it “grande”.
I looked around the main room which had several tables, bookshelves, and, strangely enough, a stage that could accommodate a guitarist with a drummer on a cajon. If all went well, I think I would be back to at least see someone play.

The barista called my name, and I walked back to the counter to take my cup when Tony walked in from a hallway.
“Chris, you came.”
“Sorry I didn’t call. I just decided to come and see what you were talking about.”
“What do you think. The cappuccino can keep you wired all night, ”
“Is that where you get your energy?”
“I’d love it if they had a place like this near the school, but it’s for the best it not.”
“What not, it would save time to get your fix.”
“Then all of this quietness, this tranquil place with the smell of beans, would be overwhelm by noise and sweat.”
“I understand.”

We sat down at a table on the far end of the main room, in a corner table.
“About what I said earlier tonight.”
There it was the death blow was eminent and I walked into it. I readied my hands to take off the cup lid, He could beat me into a pulp, but I’d ruin his shirt in the process.
“In just wanted to tell you how I feel. When I first saw you there was this tension I felt and then you just gave me the money my alter ego screamed about.”
“So, are living a double life?”
“Yes, yes I am. But I wouldn’t exactly say I’m living…its more of a surviving. I mean, I’m on the football team and I got the attention of one of the prettiest girls in school, but I don’t care about football and, as much as Anna wants me to, we haven’t done a thing.”
I almost choked on the coffee in my mouth as he said that which caused a coughing fit.
“You okay? Do you need some water?”
“No, no I’m alright, I just…I mean that’s not what’s been said in the halls.”
“You’re talking about the Space Needle make-out session?”
“Yeah.”

The story was Tony and Anna found a secluded area at the Sky City restaurant at the top of the needle: the restaurant’s linen closet. They were caught in a very compromising situation by a hostess who joined them for a bit before returning to her job. Tony and Anna then went into the restaurant in quasi-rumpled dress clothes.
The following Monday some of the guys who heard the story wanted to more details and others created details out of thin air. The news affected the girls as well as a few wanted such a date with Tony and the others were disgusted by the idea of a threesome.
“Never happened.”
“It didn’t?”
“It costs almost fifty dollars for a simple appetizer. No, we went to Taco Del Rey because The Pink Bear was packed.”
“I hope she liked the street tacos.”
“Nope, she wasn’t happy before, during, or after we ate because I wouldn’t take her to the far side of Kerry Park for a bout of parking.”
“Oh,” I replied as I looked at my cup and then to Tony’s face.
“There have been a few other stories, I’m sure you’ve heard about.”
“A few. None of them are true?”
“The one where we fell into the water at the mini golf was true. Do you like mini golf?”
“It’d been a while since I played, but, yeah, sure.”
“Great, great,” he replied and then quieted down. We looked at each other for a moment and I thought it was the second most breath-taking moment— the first one being the kiss earlier that I wish I could have been prepared for—but I knew I had to ask the question:
“Am I the other, girl?”
“No, I would say you’re the one I’ve been looking for.”
“I’m trying to wrap my head around all of this,” I said as I placed my empty cup on the table.
“Understandable.”
“I’m trying to think why you acted that way around me at school but at my job, you reach over the counter and…do it again.”
“Do what?”
“Kiss me again, right here. I don’t care if you have coffee breath.”
Tony took stood up from his chair, lifted me out of my seat with our hands entwined.
“As you wish,” he replied as we cuddled up to each other in a long kiss that slowly included our tongues. The barista could have thrown us out and we probably would have never noticed.

“You ditched the LAN party, man.”
“How late were you up?”
“Still haven’t gone to bed yet,” Dan replied as he opened a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and I mean a two-liter, and took several gulps.
“Who won the death match?”
“One does not just ‘win’ a death match. You have to have the drive, the direction, and to not fall asleep and lay your head on the keyboard.”
“Who was the first to go down?”
“Tom. He bragged about stomping us all into the ground with some cheating tool he had. We ganged up on him until he turned it off.” Dan took another drink. He was down to half the bottle. “So what happened?”
“Didn’t feel very well. I grabbed some coffee and came home.”
“Coffee? I thought that would be terrible to drink when you feel sick.”
“It helped to calm my stomach,” I replied with a shrug.
Dan sat the bottle on the table and sat down at the kitchen table. I stood next to the coffee maker with my body kind of turned away from Dan, lest I had to expose who I was thinking about at that moment. I took a deep breath, poured the coffee into the cup and felt the raging subside.
“What’s your plan for today?’ Dan asked as he screwed the cap back onto the bottle.
“Eh, a little AIM and then work.” I replied as I poured an immense amount of sugar into the cup that Wilford Brimley could feel across the country, and then sat down on one of the end chairs. The one my dad usually sat in if he wasn’t out that morning for work.,
“You work at noon today?”
I nodded.
“Oh hey, do you know who I saw last night at the store?”
“Who?”
“Anna.”
“Did she see you?”
“No, tragically. I mean, I know she’s a bitch…Check that, she’s Tony’s bitch, but…”
“But?”
“She’s still hot. Can’t deny that. Brains and beauty, but she’s been totally slapped into submission by Tony. I’ll bet there’s more to her than just the stories.”
“Probably so. Have you ever thought of asking her out?”
Dan broke out in hysterical laughter and shook his head. “She’s on whole other level. She’s more on your plain. You could ask her out and I could live out my dream vicariously through you.”
“She’s cute, yes, but, she doesn’t like me. So, you have a better chance with her than I do.”
“Yeah, well, Tom and the guys, we all talked enough about every girl in the school, and we created a godhood of the top girls.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I replied before I took a sip.
“Let me preference everything by saying we did not write out Penthouse stories about them…well, Marty did, but you know Marty.”
I actually knew very little about Marty except he worked at Best Buy. He always had a way to procure expensive pieces of PC equipment and sell them to others at half price.
“He could tell some pretty wild stories and one of them was about a dream date with Anna.”
“Like the stories at school?”
“Marty claims he started a few of those.”
“I can believe it.”
“Well, you know, simple stories of wishful thinking.”
“You should try anyway. You may have something in common if you ask her.”
“It’s a friggin death sentence if I just wave in her general direction,” Dan muttered as he opened the bottle again. “Can you keep Tony from killing me?”
“He won’t try to kill you. Anna might, but Tony won’t.”
“Do you mean she will try to ‘kill me’, kill me or?”
“You’re going to have to romance her a little and leave your Game Boy Pocket at home.”
“You mean, be more of the ‘cool guy’?”
“No, be more of yourself, but pay attention to her.”
“I don’t see it happening,” he replied as he took another long swig.
“Well, not with that way of thinking. Sometimes you just have to trust in the unknown, even if it scares you to death.”
Dan looked at me for a second and then put the bottle down. “I know what happened last night.”
“You do?” I tried to hide any fear I had.
“You hit it off with someone. What’s her name. Does she go to Roosevelt or Jefferson?”
“I didn’t meet any girls, I just got coffee, came home and went to bed.”
“But you’re sounding different.”
“That may just be from you being up for more than twenty-four hours and drinking that.”
“Yeah, yeah, maybe I guess. Yeah, I guess I’ll go home and rest. I’m going to use the restroom before I go.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I replied as Dan stood up and walked down the hallway.

I drove across town to the address Tony gave me to a mini golf “family fun center”. I was not being true to the words I said to Dan. I was still terrified of the unknown. Should I treat this as two friends spending the afternoon at what was essentially a large arcade encased by eighteen weird courses that looked like M.C. Escher personally designed them? Or was something else going to happen? Sinister? Embarrassing? Emotional?
I turned the engine off and sat in the car for a moment of two. Pondering what I was about to do and again what could occur. What did I want? If I did what I wanted then we would be thrown out of there in seconds and, maybe, become the next urban legends whispered down the hallways of schools across the country. If not that, maybe I could gaze into his eyes for, well, forever and hope he would reciprocate.
“Calm your hormones, Chris,” I lamented as I opened the door and walked across the parking lot to the building. The inside was like a Showbiz Pizza Place that had been allowed to cross breed with a traveling carnival midway. The crowds were unbearable, and the noise was annoying, but all of that faded from my mind with the joy I felt when I saw Tony stand in the middle of the sea of families and other teens. I gaze a slight smile that brightened with every step I took closer to him. I was about to go to the “yeah, so, hey, bro, ‘sup?’ attitude I was supposed to have but my smile remained as he reached hands out and took a hold of mine.
“You made it. I was kind of thinking…”
“No, no, I wouldn’t miss this!” I kind of shouted as three babies decided to scream at six steps above G10.
Tony gave me a smile and then nodded his head toward the counter. He let go of one of my hands but held steadfast onto the other and I I held onto it in return. We checked out a set of clubs and matching golf balls and started our round.
We had to wait a few minutes on the first hole.
“How are you doing today?” Tony asked as a member of a family of eight in front of us decided to “Happy Gilmore” his ball into the exosphere and then promptly scream about it being lost.
“I’m good. It’s been a good day so far.”
“I was nervous about this.”
“That I wouldn’t come?”
“Yeah, I mean, let me know if I’m being too direct about things. Like, our hands.”
“You will have to pry my hand off of yours, or at least ask me so you can play the round.”
Tony smiled for a moment, and we turned our attention back to the Brady Bunch.
Ten minutes later, we were on the green with several people behind us. I could see a few scowls as I let go of Tony’s hand and he took his shot. The ball zig-zagged a little and plunked into the hole.
“I am not really good at this, really,” he replied as he looked back at me and then to the eyes behind us. “You’re up, Chris.”
He walked over to me, stood behind me and whispered into my ear. “No is behind us. No one who matters anyway. Take your shot.” While they were not the most sentimental or romantic words ever spoken I still felt the hairs on my neck and arms stand up. I also felt protected, like body armor on a lone marine trapped in a Martian Research facility. My putt bounced off several walls and landed near the hole, but not enough to get away from the watchful eyes behind us.
“Sink it in, Chris,” Tony shouted over the din of the Eight is Enough reunion. I tried to ignore my fear as I walked to the ball, lightly tapped it snd watched as it sunk in with a slight “clunk”. Tony skipped up to the cup, scooped the ball up and led me onto the next hole.
“People are looking at us,” I whispered.
“Let them.”
“You’re serious?”
“They don’t know us, we don’t know them, so what does it matter?”
“You’re braver than me, Tony.”
“No, this isn’t me being brave,” he replied as he reached behind me and squeezed me rear. “That, that was bravery.”
“Anthony!” I screeched but then smiled at his attempt. “Are you going to keep doing that?”
“Every time you get the ball in the cup, yes.”
“Really? So, what do I get to do?”
“Surprise me,” he replied with a wink.
“Excuse me?” An annoyed voice from behind us grumbled. There are children present.
“Yep, sure are,” Tony replied as he bowed us down into a low kiss.

We had talked about Monday…and we dreaded we would need to stay as far away from each other as we could. Tony said it was because he wasn’t strong enough to come out and make it all public at our school. We could snuggle and kiss each other all over at places except the hallowed ground of Roosevelt High School. I wanted to pout about it. I did pout, in fact, but I agreed it was for the best to be incognito during the day and watch each other from afar.

At least, that’s what I did. I sat on a bench in the hall and look to Tony over the cover of the book that I had no intent on reading until years later. Sorry, Anna Karenina. Did I feel a little jealous as another Anna, Anna Burke, hung onto his arm like he was a giant teddy bear prize one wins at a golf course because someone was able to make a miraculous shot that was caught by the owner of the course.
Not that I’m bragging for Tony, of course.
I wanted to go and slap Anna across the face…Multiple times…with something heavy, but again I sat with Leo as my ignored companion. It was when she reached up to his face to kiss him and he turned to her and accepted it. I hoped he was wondering how much mouthwash he would need to get taste of her tongue off of his tongue. I also wondered how many times they had done that before that day. How many times did he do it keep up appearances? When would the acting end? Or was he really acting with me?

The thought of being the after-hours side chick was humiliating and I felt a little angry as Anna snugged up close to him, trying to move his immovable hand behind her back.
“You’re in the middle of the damn hall,” I whispered to no one.
“Hey, Chris.” Dan appeared beside me and I closed the book.
“Danny, hey, I’m sorry about the weekend.”
“Your mom told me you were on a date on Saturday night when I called. How’d it go?”
“She just flat out told you that?”
“Well, no, I had called to see if you wanted to go and catch a movie, but she said you were gone. I assumed it was a date, because you don’t like going places by yourself. So, she doesn’t go to a local school?”
“No, no she doesn’t, and it was kind of a one-time thing. I met her on Friday.”
“Ah-ha! So you did meet a girl at work. Can I get an application?”
“We’re not hiring at the moment,” I replied as the bell rang.
“How about her phone number then?”
“Never got one.” I had to remind myself to ask for Tony’s number.

I took a short glance back at Tony and Anna and shook my head. It was going to be very hard to ignore him as the say went on.
I wanted to delve right into my schoolwork during first period. I didn’t have any classes with Tony and up until a few days ago I preferred it that way. Hearing him say that it was all an act and that he ceased to want to pummel Dan and myself some time ago made me want to transfer to one of his classes. However the idle chatter in front of me caught my attention as three guys and two girls crowded around the table.
“Tony was getting some deep action Saturday night.”
“Anna?” One of the girls asked.
“No, some short-haired chick.”
I refused to look up and continued to appear like I oblivious to the conversation.
“Where?” Asked one of the guys.
“Behind the third hole.” The first guy responded.
I could feel a cold sweat coming over me.
“Looks like he got a hole in one.” The third guy said.
“What hole?” Came the retort form guy number two.
“Gross,” said the other girl.
“Hey, I’m just the messenger.”
Was my hair really that short? I had always through it was longer most guys. Perhaps compared to Anna, my tresses must have made me a match for Shinead o’Connor. Who in the hell from our school was there? Was there really a school paparazzi that chased Tony around? Would we have to pass fake study notes in order to switch out cars and meet up somewhere?
Dan met up with me in the hall, he had a slight grin on his face.
“I am going to do it. I’m going to send a bouquet of flowers to Anna. And have them delivered during fifth period.”
“Nice romantic thought.”
“I mean she’s going to be either pissed or saddened by what happened on Saturday night.”
“What happened Saturday night?”
We walked down the hallway, dodging other students, at least I was dodging them. Dan walked in a straight line and never wavered.
“Someone was having some fun at the family fun center.”
“And not with Anna?”
“No, not with Anna at all…some short-haired chick wearing a green hoodie. Man, I don’t know either to think of him as a hero or a cruel son of a bitch. He can be both, right?”
I decided my favorite hoodie needed to be burned.
We looked down the hall to see the fireworks of Anna and Tony arguing. It was like watching an R-rated version of Shakespeare in the Park with Anna as Katherina. They had a small crowd, all that was missing was the popcorn maybe a soda and a libretto to help follow the dialogue, such as it was. It was mostly Anna slapping Tony on the arm and trying to hit him, but he kept stepping back. She threw every form of an f-bomb the English language allowed, and a few in Italian.
Dan walked closer to the fireworks, but I kept my distance, fearing I would take my math book and cold clock Anna across the face. The fight would degrade into hair pulling challenge and I was pretty sure I could win at that. If I was strong enough in my heart I would have done that, but I feared the aftermath. Tony kept Anna at bay as she appeared to start spitting as she screamed. She eventually got the attention of the principal to called both of them to the office.
“I still think it could work,” Dan called back to me.

I sat with Dan at lunch, and he was busy looking at his phone.
“I bought a dozen roses.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I replied as I glanced towards Tony and then scanned the lunchroom to find Anna.
“All red.”
“Do yo think she’ll like them?”
“Oh yeah. I didn’t put my name on them. I just asked them to write ‘from an admirer’ on the card.
Anna was on the other side of the room, trying to look positive while holding a grudge at Tony across the great divide that was our cafeteria.
“I kind of hope she gets them in sixth period. I’d love to see her reaction once she walks to the office and receives them.”
“So, she’ll have absolutely no idea who sent them?” I asked as I took a bite of a carrot. Dan had the cafeteria special of the day: pizza and French fries.
“As long as she doesn’t think they’re from Tony, I’ll feel fine, just to see her expression. Walking into class with the eyes all electric blue and everyone else admiring them. That’s what I want to see. I want to see the happy Anna. I think she’s in there somewhere.”
I could only nod because if I tried to think to about it, I’d laugh and choke on my carrots.
Anna stood up from her chair and started walking across the lunchroom towards Tony.
“This could go two ways,” Dan stated. “They’re either going to talk things over, or she’s going to try and hit him again.”
The whole lunchroom eventually turned their collective eyes once again to the former duo. Anna slammed her hands on the table.
“Is there someone else, Anthony? Who is she? Tell me, now!” Anna grabbed onto a carton of milk in front of Tony.
Tony looked away from her, tapped his fingers on the table, and then stood up, making it a little harder to be a target.
“Yes, Anna, there is and I’m not telling you anything else except we’re done.”
Anna screamed and threw the carton at Tony, but she appeared to have terrible aim as the carton flew through the air and landed upright on the Chess Club table.
The peals of laughter echoed all around. I wasn’t sure if everyone was laughing because she was told “no”—again—, that she had lousy aim, or because the milk didn’t spill when it landed. Anna left the lunchroom in a fury.
“I count that in ‘win’ category,” Dan said as he took a bite of his pizza.
I looked at Tony and our eyes once again locked for a moment. I wanted to run across the room and jump into his arms and profess to the school our feelings for each other. I broke our eye contact to avoid my lusty desires.
At seventh period, my heart raced at every thought I had of Tony. There were a few times that I wanted to make all of those rumors, all those stories, true…just between us of course. The doubts I had were shattered the moment he stood up to Anna. We were made for each other and I desired the day when we could could let it all be known to everyone. I wanted to make one of those origami style notes and give it to him, secretly, but thought better of it as Anna probably knew his locker combination and it would give her just enough information to find someone with matching handwriting.
Dan sat in the back of the room, completely oblivious to the teacher’s droning as he had witnessed Anna receiving the flowers and true to his word, he seemed content with her holding said flowers. I didn’t have the heart to tell him she threw them in the trash after breaking off the head of each flower in crazy-eyed blaze.
“You have work tonight?” Dan asked as we walked down the hallway.
“Yes,” I lied. I didn’t want to, but how else was I going to get to see Tony if Dan wanted to come by and play a few rounds of Doom.
“Gotta save up the money, you know.”
“I need to get a job, but it’s got to be somewhere I won’t have to serve anybody.”
“I thought you wanted to work with me?”
“I did, but I thought the odds a young woman would walk in and give me her phone number are low compared to how may idiots will come in and ask stupid questions.”
“It happens,” I replied with a nod. It’s not like we sold steak tartar or ratatouille, just pizza and spaghetti, but there were always people walking in and staring at the board as if they’re never seen one before.
“Yeah, I know you went out with that girl.”
“Yeah, that too.”
“I found out Anna destroyed the flowers. I’m saddened about it, but it will not deter me.”
“You could always go to the same college as her.”
“Ha, I know, who am I kidding? She’s way out of my league.”
“No one’s in any leagues, Dan. As much a I don’t like her, what’s stopping you from talking to her.”
“Everything, Chris. Yeah, she’s vulnerable right now. Inside, she is terrified as Tony was like, her pillar, her rock, and without him she’s like half a person.”
“That’s one way to put it,” I replied as we arrived at Dan’s locker. He opened it to see the one rose, intact, standing upright.
“Will you look at, Chris?”
“Is that one of the roses from your order?”
“Yes, same.”
I looked down the hallway and saw Anna walking towards us. She stepped in front of Dan and pout her arm on his shoulder. I took several steps back.
“Did you send me the flowers?”
“Yeah, I, saw you were feeling down and someone as pretty as you shouldn’t feel down.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it. Dan, is it?”
“Yeah, yes, Daniel Powell.”
“Well, Danny, again, thank you.” She then reached in and kissed Dan on the lips.
She then ran down the hall and looked back at us.
“Breathe, Danny She’s turned the corner.”
I knew this was something I would never hear the end of but it was also something that would keep Danny busy for that afternoon.
“I was going to see if you wanted to play Doom but…I think I have some small changes I need go make to life. What’s a good cologne to buy?”
I could only shrug.
“Yeah, I can’t reinvent the wheel too much. I mean, she likes me for me, right?”
“Looks like it,” I replied down the hall and saw Tony with a smirk on his face.
“I need to think a few things over. Give me a call after work, so we can talk but this.”
“You got it. Congratulations?”
“Yeah, I think so.” Dan replied as he grabbed his backpack and the rose. “It’s all looking up for me.”
“Catch you later,” I said as I walked down the hallway to my locker. I knew Tony wouldn’t come up to me, even after school. We were never in the same social circles, so he had no reason to come up to for casual conservations, that and we said we wouldn’t.
“Hey, Riley!” A voice growled, causing me to jump.
I turned to see Tony and I wanted to hug him and punch him at the same time.
“You still working at that pizza place?”
“Yes,” I replied with a slight nod.
“What would it cost to have a few pies delivered?”
“We don’t deliver.”
“Could they do it as a favor?”
“Sure. What is the address?”
“5427 South Beacon. Having a small party, you know?”
I resisted the urge to smile and instead kept a stoic face as other students passed by.
:Can you have them there at five?”
“Yes, we can do that.”
“Thanks, man,” Tony replied with a wink to me.
I let him walk away, quickly grabbed my textbooks and then high-tailed it to the parking lot.

Although it was just a code, I still decided to bring two pizzas, just in case anyone would ask…and maybe he would have wanted some anyway. Tony’s house was in an older section of the city with houses that all looked alike except their color and whatever epic landscaping projects the owners would try. His house was a tan color with a meticulously cared for lawn. It may have been November, but the grass was still green and cut like a golf course. Anthony’s car was parked in the driveway and although no other cars were present, I pulled up next to the curb and took a second or two to think if I wanted to go in.
Emotions took control of my hands, and I pulled the brake, placed the car into first, turned the wheel toward the curb and then killed the engine. It felt like an out-of-body experience, and I was not in control of anything except for grabbing my keys and the pizza. The feeling of butterflies and euphoria fought for control as I walked closer to the door. I didn’t even get to knock when the door opened and Tony stood, filling the door frame. He had on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I was slightly disappointed he didn’t greet me bare-chested but, what if it was a UPS delivery guy or maybe Anna?
“Hey,”
“Pizza delivery,” I responded and held the boxes out to him.
“Come on in,” he motioned for me to step in and then closed the door.
I stopped in the foyer and took a brief look at the living room. It was a lot like my grandmother’s: trapped in a decade that preceded my existence with every piece of furniture made of dark wood with an orange camouflage look.
“Have a seat. We need to talk.”
And as everyone knows, those are the four words no one ever wants to hear in any situation. Tony laid the pizzas on the counter as I ran through numerous scenarios on how this would play out and all of them were bad. All of them dealt with the future trauma of me standing by myself in the middle of a sea of people with only a picture of the Tony I remembered staring back at me.
He sat next to me, and my expression must have been blank.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”
“You look a little spooked.”
“It’s just that you said we need to talk.”
“Yeah, the four words no one ever wants to hear.”
I nodded.
“Sorry, guess I’ve heard that so much from Anna, and here I am saying it. It’s all good.”
“Good?” I asked as I turned to Tony. His eyes sparkled. I mean, use, there was a reflection in his eyes from the sunset but still, they had a mesmerizing glow.
“Very good?” He asked as he took hold of my hands.
“Better.”
“Shall I move on to great or to super-mega-awesome?”
“I’ll take somewhere in the middle.” I replied as I started to feel a little better.
“This is going to sound crazy, but I’d like you to go with me on this.”
“Okay.”
“I want to come out to everyone. I really do, but…”
“You’re afraid.”
“Yeah. I know it’s cowardly. I know it’s unfair to you, to us.”
“I’m not asking you to do that, Tony. We don’t need to announce it to the world.”
“But I want to. You don’t know the thoughts that have been running through my mind.”
“I bet I can guess a few,” I replied as he swung our hands slowly.
“It’s that obvious?”
“Just a bit,” I leaned in and whispered.
“Like this one?” He asked as he kissed my cheek.
“That’s one.”
“Are you making me slowly go up the ladder?”
“Go where you want to,” I replied with a sigh.
“This means so much to me.”
“To me too,” I replied with a stupid grin on my face.
“What would you think if I did?”
“You can do what you want to do, Tony.”
He took a step back and looked into my eyes. “I have another idea.”
“What?”
“If you moved your hair down, then you’d look more like a girl.”
I was taken aback at those words. He had just said he wanted to come out to everyone.
“I don’t understand,” I replied.
“If just for a few days, you could be my girlfriend.”
“But I’m not a girl.”
I had some feelings about being a girl some time ago, but I thought I put those feelings out of my mind. I had looked in the mirror thousands of times and gotten used to the person who looked back at me in the mirror, even though I never liked him.
“I’m sorry, I mean, I’m stupid to ask that of you.”
“I can be your girlfriend if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want you to change.”
“Not too much of a change for me, Tony,” I replied.
He bit his lip, and I was sure the thought of ‘did I really say that?’ run through his mind. “It won’t be forever, just…”
“Just tell me two things.”
“What?”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
“Do you love us?”
“Yes, I do,” he replied as he wrapped his arms around me, and we fell into a deep kiss. The kiss landed us back on the sofa and he pulled at the button on my jeans. I didn’t fight back, in fact I gently glided my hands to his shorts, and he moved it into his shorts, where I discovered he was going commando. I held my breath for a moment, taking in this moment as he continued to remove my pants and threw them to the floor.
“Whatever you wan to do, Tony. Whatever you want,” I nearly panted.
He pulled his shorts off and kissed me again.
We then heard the most frightening sound in the world: the front door opening.

Goodbye

The sounds emitted from the throats of Tony’s parents moved like an arpeggio of horrific shrieks to low-tone growls and then back again. We really couldn’t hide anything, as it was too late. I avoided eye contact and just got dressed as fast as I could. There wasn’t a conversion, more like a two-on-one screaming match. The hairs on my arms bristled and I’m sure my face fluctuated between dark red to deathly white.
I looked to Tony and I guess he sensed the greater danger we were about to be in. He motioned to the back door, and I high tailed it out, leaving my shoes and socks behind. I ran around the house and vaulted over the mid-sized chainlink fence; a feat I am sure I could never repeat unless my life depended on it. I didn’t look back to the house for a second as I got into my car and fumbled with my keys. I was sure Mr. Kedias was running at me with a baseball bat, or worse, to give me my shoes, in the face. The car roared to life and I accelerated as fast as the engine would let me. It took a mile or so before I even fastened my seatbelt as I was running on autopilot, the flight mode had engaged and when Tony gave me the chance to leave, I took it.

I pulled over at the side of a gas station turned off the engine and started crying. Crying due to the emotion of everything that could have happened and how I left him to fend off his parents. But what I could tell them? Anything I said would have made everything worse. What was going to happen to Tony? Would he ever speak to me again and what could I say to him to heal the situation?
“Nothing,” I whispered to myself. “There wasn’t anything you could do. Nothing you can do.”

I started the car up again but just sat there, thinking of the uncomfortable picture of the Kedias family coming to school, finding me in the hallway and having me sent to the office for crimes against their son’s humanity. I wanted to think that maybe Tony had told them the truth but maybe also said I was a new freshman girl. Tragically, I think they would’ve preferred him getting caught with a girl than with me. If only I had been a girl, if only I thought more into it, but then we would never have the relationship we had.
I was confused about everything. Confused about myself, Tony, the world we lived in, and life in general. I couldn’t talk to my parents, they’d never understand…of course, they didn’t understand me anyway so that was that. Danny couldn’t help me, because then I’d to tell him everything and hope he would never speak a word of it. I was alone. No wingman, no one to bounce my thoughts and regrets to; just my red-faced, tear-streaked face in the rearview mirror. I drove home in a mental silence with no thoughts or emotions; just an android driving a machine.

I threw myself onto my bed in the darkness of my room. No one was at home except for me, my racing heartbeat the only sound in the silence. The next day would be a disaster if Tony was there or if he wasn’t. Either way, I’d still feel lost, not knowing what to do with my life. I stared at the location of where my desk phone was and hoped it would ring, and have Tony on the other end. But, maybe it would be his mother demanding to speak to the young girl she caught in a near compromising position and who wore unusual underwear. She would then demand to talk to the girl’s parents and have some kind of discussion. The thought of that terrorized me.

The phone rang, the red light of the ringer pulsing. I swallowed hard and then looked at the caller ID. It was Danny. I picked up the receiver.
‘Hello, Danny.”
“Chris, you sound like you’re asleep.’
“I had a bad experience with a customer at work. Took the invitation to go home.”
“Hey, sorry to about, man.”
“It’s okay,” I replied with a slight sigh. “What’s up?”
“Guess who has a date tomorrow night with Anna?”
“Seriously?”
“She said she’d think about it; but I think that’s good karma. You know?”
“Karma, yeah, the universe is a mystery.”
“Where should we go?”
“Taco Bueno or The Pink Pear, either one’s a good choice.”
“I think she’s been to those places too many times.”
“You sure you want to spend a lot of money on a first date?” I asked as I turned on my desk lamp.
“I thought it would be too much, but if I don’t try to impress her…oh, so you think I should just me myself and not reinvent the wheel to make myself into someone else.”
‘Well, yeah.”
“If only it was that simple, Chris. You’re expected to pretend you’re someone different.”
“But she already knows you.”
“No, she knows a side of me, something I can explain away as a way to keep myself sane at our school. And hey, maybe beneath her exterior she’s caring and sweet. Maybe she knows how to play chess. Oh, I got it, that new French restaurant, Nourriture Délicieuse. Can you loan me a twenty?”
“Yeah,” as my dating life was over at the moment, “I’ll bring it to school tomorrow.”
“See you then, Chris.”

I hung up the phone, lest I spill my guts about what happened. Perhaps in the morning, everything would be okay again.
The phone rang again, and sheer terror engulfed my soul: if was Tony’s phone number. I let it ring three times before picking up and placing the receiver close to, but not exactly on, my ear. I didn’t want to be deafened by angry screams.
“Hey, Kris.” Tony’s voice was calm but there something else there, something seemed off.
“I’m sorry I ran out, I-”
“I wanted you get out of there,” he replied and his voice trailed off.
“Are you okay?”
“No, I’m not,” he said in a whisper. “I won’t be at school tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“Just know that I really wanted it to work, but it can’t, I. I’m being sent to another school.”
“Tell me where it is, and I’ll follow you there.”
“No, no it’s for the best. I’m…I have an illness and it needs to be taken care of.”
“What illness?” I asked and thought he had some form of cancer or something.
“I’m going to try to get better. Goodbye, Chris.”
The phone clicked off and I threw the receiver at the wall, cracking a large hole in the plaster.

Tony never walked the halls of Jefferson High after that day. He was absent the next day and no one thought about it. Maybe was just sick or one of the rumors had finally come true and a father took him hostage and locked him away. I wanted to think he’d break free and come back to me. This was Anthony fricking Kedias. If anyone could have climbed out of a proverbial black hole, it would have been him.
I allowed myself to be physically affected by his loss but tried to hide it from others. Anna tried hiding it while walking next to Daniel in the hallway, but I could see it in her eyes. Despite their last argument, she still had something for him, and Daniel was just there. He continued to be there for her until Prom, but she ghosted him before the dance. She had been sent a letter from Tony’s parents that I had caused Tony to leave. They didn’t exactly state it, but they said enough to get the thought in her head.
Maybe I dodged a bullet to receive only a callous comment during graduation. Anna could have done so much more to me and the thought that she could still do something that night frightened me.

“I know there have been…stories, for a lack of better words, about me,” Tony stated, causing a quiet roar of laughter to roll through the crowd. “And I admit, I have been on radio silence all these years to my former classmates. When you’re in high school or even college, you’re still trying to find a direction in life. And I’ll admit I was lost as a man without a map. No one could give me the direction I was looking for, I had to find it myself.”
“I wonder how long he rehearsed this?” Daniel asked.
“You got out into the world, you find something you love to do, something that brings completeness to your life. My friends, if you have succeeded in doing so, tell me how. I wondered what could have happened if I had stayed at Jefferson to graduate with the great class of 1999 to be on the stage with you. Although I could only do it in spirit then, I am grateful to be here tonight.”
Anna looked like she was ready to run onto the stage and tear every stitch of clothing off of him.
“If I keep talking, I’ll put a lot of you to sleep. Thank you for coming tonight, I—” Tony stopped for a moment as my graduation picture splashed onto the monitor. “Enough talk. Proceed to party!”
The audience clapped and whistled as the music cranked up again.
“Not as long as I’d thought he would go,” I remarked to Daniel.
“Do you think we had to donate to his campaign for him to speak? You never know with politicians”
I nodded as Anna stormed onto the stage, pushing others out of the way so she could get into Tony’s face. She stared at him for a few seconds and then grabbed his face in a kiss.
“I always knew she still had feelings for him,” Daniel sighed.

Tony’s expression was blank as she pulled away from him. Anna’s face contorted and turned red before she reached out a hand to slap Tony, but her hands were stopped by two security guards who I think were twenty-five seconds too late to grab her. The reunion continued around the chaos on stage. Some watched, others may have thought it was a thirty-year-old re-run and ignored it.
“The more it stays the same, the less it changes,” Daniel mused with a slight smirk. “I was thinking of meeting back with the Chess Club guys. Care to join me?”
“Yes, but I want to go and see a few of the teachers before they leave. I doubt they want to stay any longer.”
“I can’t believe Dr Sprock is still alive. Do you think he’s finally cool with the Star Trek connection?”
“I’ll find out for you.”
“I’ll try to get the guys to meet at a table near the back.”

“Sounds good,” I replied as I started the long walk to the front. I weaved through former classmates I could not recognize who in return did not know me to reach the stage area where the teachers were along with Tony.
Would he recognize me if I only walked up to him, or would I have to try and talk? I talked rings around businessmen and politicians for years, but this was going to be different. There was a bit of a line to talk with him and I spent the entire time in a quiet panic about what to do. I stood behind a giant of a man, who I believe was a football player at one time. Tony made the ‘politician laugh’ when the guy said something semi-witty. They shook hands and with that, my shield vanished behind Tony.
He looked at me and smiled. I had missed his smile. Maybe it was the expression he gave to everyone, but I didn’t care at that moment.
“Hello.”
“Hello, Tony” I replied as I shook his hand.
“I don’t remember seeing you…I apologize.”
“My name’s Keri.”
“Ah, sorry, still rusty. What classes did we have together?”
“None, I’m afraid. We didn’t get to talk much at school.”
“Were you a friend of Anna?”
“No, we were never on friendly terms. Kind of rivals in a way.”
“Uh-huh,” Tony mused as he continued shaking my hand. "Can you give me another hint?”
I didn’t want to spend the evening going back and forth with small talk as others were behind me.
“Just tell me two things, Tony.”
“What?”
“Do you love me?” I asked as I grabbed his other hand.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know you.”
“Do you love us?
“Do I love us?” Tony froze after repeating my words.

I stepped away from Tony and walked off the stage. I heard him say a few rapid apologies and ran to catch up with me.
“Excuse me,” he lightly tapped on my shoulder.
“Yes, Anthony?”
“I…I want to talk with you more. Can we sit and talk?”
“I’ll be here,” I whispered.
“Thank you,” he replied and went back to the others waiting in line. I walked in the direction of where Dan went.
The fear I had when I walked onto the stage did not vanish into the din of music and loud crowds. I weaved through the sea until I met up with Dan. He was standing to the side of the other members of the chess club.

“Keri, did you get to meet Mr. Spock?”
“No, but I did meet up with someone. We’re going to talk a bit.”
Dan’s expression drooped as he escorted me away from the others. “You talked to Tony?”
“Yes.”
“Did he recognize you?” Dan asked as he glanced out towards the stage area.
“No, not really.”
“Why do you want to talk to him?’
“Just trying to be friendly.”
“Well, I doubt he’d start anything. Too many cameras.”
I nodded as I saw him Tony step off.
“Do you want me to accompany you?” Dan asked as he held his hand out.
“I’ll be fine. Can we meet up afterwards?”
Dan’s eyes lit up. He had a smart-aleck quip to give but he stopped short of saying anything.
“Don’t listen to any of niceness. Leopards don’t change their spots.”
We both looked to see Anna meet up with Tony again.
“It’s going to be that lunchroom scene all over again,” Dan whispered as Anna’s voice rose above the music.
The chess club guys walked over to us to get a better view of the fireworks.
“I waited for you; and you never tried to contact me!”
Tony nodded.
“Say something to me! Tell me something!”
“I’m better now,” he replied and stepped away.

Anna screamed and lunged at Tony, only to be abruptly detained by three burly men in black suits. They looked like that needed a fourth as Anna fought them tooth and nail. Her shouting faded into the music as the men carried her away.
“All that’s missing is a thrown milk carton,” Marty commented to anyone who remembered that day. We all collectively nodded.
“I didn’t know he had a security detail. They’re good and they better be since we’re paying their salary.” Tom said and whistled.
“I’ll meet back here with you, okay, Dan?”
“Of course. Still not sure why you’d want to talk to him. Going to get your money back?”
I shook my head and took a step in Tony’s direction. He stood next to a table and pulled out a chair for me.
“Thank you,” I replied as I sat down.
Tony sat down in a chair across the table and tapped his fingers on the table. “So, how do we know other?”
“You need to answer my question first.”
“Do I love us?”
“Yes.”
“I only said that to one person.”
“I know,” I replied with a slight nod. “What was his name?”
Tony shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Listen, I’m not going to talk about rumors and stories that happened in the past.”
“It’s a reunion, Tony. It’s all about the past. I’m not here to do a ‘gotcha’ interview. I just want to know. You left me and all I got was a phone call to remember you by.”
“Hello, Chris,” he replied with saddened expression.
“You remember.”
“I knew who you were when you walked onto the stage.”
“I’m still not worthy to be seen with you in the hallways?”
“Don’t talk like that,” he replied and then sighed. “Those days were hard for me.”
“For both of us.”
“Yes. I overcame my feelings and my illness.”
“What illness?”
“My parents helped me to straighten my life out. I survived through trauma to come out the man I am now.”
“The man you are now?”
“I’m married to a wonderful woman.”
The verbal equivalency of steely knives stabbed my heart.
“And she helped me with my sickness.”
“Sickness?” I said through gritted teeth.
“You can be helped too. You can always return to a pure life. I’m sorry if I drove you further down.”
“Pure life? What are you insinuating?”
“It wasn’t right. It wasn’t natural and the heaviness I once felt is now gone.”
I looked down at the table and begged myself not to cry. I wanted to cry tears of happiness, a fountain of reunited love as Tony would finally sweep me off my feet.
“Are you okay?”
“No. You’re not my Tony.”
“That Tony was a mistake and I’ve grown past him.”
“Did you just stop dreaming about me?”
Tony looked to the table and then nodded.
I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. Then, even though I knew it could end up with me spending the remainder of the weekend in a King County jail cell, I slapped Tony across the face.
Another set of burly men zipped up next to me, but Tony waved them off.
“Yes, wave them off, wave the one who cared about you off too, Mr. Kedias.”
“Chris…”
“It’s Keri,” I replied through gritted and walked away.
Dan met me halfway and placed his hands on my shoulders.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing. It looked like you were about to kick Tony’s ass.”
“That’s not the Tony I remember.”
Dan nodded but his facial expression showed he was clueless.
“I think I’m going back to my room,” I replied as I took one last look at Tony.
“Did you love him?”
I nodded.
“I’m sorry, Keri. I wish there was something I could do make you feel better.”
“He’s just a memory now.”
“You need to make some new memories,” Dan said as he hugged me, “and the guys have a great idea.”
“What?”
“Laser tag!” Dan exclaimed as he took hold of right hand.
“In this dress?”
“It will be a great story for your next board meeting or whatever it you do at work.”
“Thank you, Dan.”
“You’re welcome, Keri. You know, Powell is a great last name.”