Alexis speaks back up, “So why don’t we get something to eat after our class tomorrow, and then we can show Nick how easy it would be.”

I am now disturbed, “Why do you jump to the conclusion it’s me? Even if it were me, as Kayla said I haven’t agreed to do it.”

As if Nick is not part of the decision, Alexis looks to Kayla, “So do we want to meet at your place or mine to show him what’s possible?”

Kayla starts to speak when I break back in, “I’ve neither admitted it nor said I’d give it a try.”

Alexis brightens up, “I’m not as intelligent as Kayla, but if you didn’t want to try, you would have already been out of here. I understand you might be reluctant and not want to be made a fool. You’re a neat guy and we relate well to you. We’re your friends, not someone looking to embarrass and hurt you!”

Kayla spoke up, “Nick do you have work or anything else after our class tomorrow?” She looks at me.

I say, “I work Saturday and Sunday this week. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they called me in for tomorrow evening but it should have already happened.”

Alexis walks over to Nick. “I don’t regularly share my makeup, but I think our complexions, eyes, and hair are close enough that my colors would work well for you. Are you willing to give it a try?”

Kayla asks, “Nick when are you to give your decision for the fashion show? Megan said you had a date to let them know by.”

Nick says, “I’m planning to tell them ‘No’ on Saturday.”

Kayla says, “You know, I have an apartment I share west of campus.” She’s already writing down the address and giving it to me. “My roommate is gone by noon on Fridays, so it will give us the privacy Nick would probably like until we convince you.”

I’m relaxing slightly, “You two don’t think this is crazy?”

Lexis says with a light giggle, “Doing something a little crazy is part of what the college experience is all about. I think this is a bit crazy, but it’s something we should be open to. College should be fun. This is something friends would dare to do because we’re not too crazy. It’s not like you’re a girly boy or being made into one. You might not realize it but fashion shows are not for clowns or fools.”

I finally make it back to my room and the rest of tonight was filled with my mind wondering about things. ‘What it would be like if I consider trying this?’ Nick’s sleep even has a dream that has him questioning what Nick really wants. He saw himself standing in front of a mirror seeking to see any semblance of Nikki or Nicole. He thought of something Rachel or was it Jan or Kayla that said it, ‘There was something about him, his appearance or built that helped women to relax with him.’ It wasn’t that he was feminine.

He was so uncomfortable with himself that he hadn’t seen more humor in it. Once or twice in his dream, he had a glimpse of ‘Nikki’. She was a vibrant-looking co-ed, perky and she had a healthy glow of enjoying herself. Nicole also appears she has a more traditional sense of beauty. Nick didn’t know what to make of seeing them in his dream. Neither was totally like a woman; where he saw strong traces of himself.

He hadn’t promised to try anything, but it was understood he would see Kayla and Alexis after class.

The professor underscored how important it was that they shared a study group. Professor Briggs commented so, “Kayla, you’re living proof one is not too smart to benefit from a study group.”

Lexis and Nick rode together to Kayla’s. The good news was Kayla’s roommate was indeed gone for the weekend. Nick was asked to use the shower in preparation for his transformation. They gave Nick a cream to get rid of unwanted body hair.

“You know Nick, you are lucky to look as you do, most won’t notice the difference,” said Lexis. “We’d have you shampoo your hair if we weren’t afraid of you getting Nair on your head of hair.”

Before Nick is allowed out of the shower Kayla and Lexis did an inspection. Lexi shaved Nick’s underarms as well as spots Nick wasn’t able to see or reach. Even where he couldn’t see, he felt the difference as the last of the shower rinsed off his body. Lexi asks, “Can you feel the difference? My oldest sister did something like this and she says, the guy was surprised by the difference it made.”

Without thought, Nick answers, “She’s right, I’m very surprised. I wouldn’t have thought it’d make that much of a difference.”

Kayla speaks up, “We’re going to step out and let you dry yourself off unless you need help. Please pat yourself dry and then put on the panties and bra before you come out.” There is a pause of silence, “There is a little pill you might want to take so your boyhood doesn’t feel a need to prove it’s a man. We might have to wait until it takes effect before your girl look can go unobstructed.”

Nick found the pill and glass of water before he began to pat himself dry. He made excuses before he was willing to come out. Luckily and finally he’s able to tuck his boyhood away between his legs.

“You look even better than usual,” Kayla said to Nick. His hair is still damp as Lexis brushes it out while blow-drying it. Kayla said, “That looks nice. Either later or another time we will shampoo or condition your hair and then you should see a remarkable difference.”

Nick remarks, “I’m glad you’re not doing that now, you need to prove to me beforehand that it would be worth the effort.”

Kayla shows three outfits: two skirts and top outfits and a dress that Nick can try. Lexis agrees with Kayla all three should look good on him. Lexi asks as she shows another clothing item, “Would you be willing to wear a body shaper or this waist corset?”

Nick retorts, “It would probably take items like that and heavy makeup to make me look presentable won’t it?”

Lexis holds her cool as she says, “Not really this could help but we’re not looking for a boy in drag, relying on heavy makeup.” Nick does reach out to take hold of it before he asks, “How does a person wear it properly?”

Kayla surprises Nick with two forms that fit into the bra cups. She calls them enhancers or pads and they help give a smooth look. She helps Nick to put on a lightweight cami over it. Then there is a peach blouse that goes with the yellow skirt. Nick remarks, “You already have your spring clothes out?”

Kayla and Lexis both smile, “Yes, we started shopping for spring fashions in January. Do you like this outfit? It should be warm enough with the right outerwear.”

Nick kind of chuckles, “Yes, I think the outfit as you call it is attractive enough; I’m just not sure how it will look on this model?” He is slowly putting on the skirt and getting the blouse in place, not realizing how it is coming together.

Lexis sits him down in front of a mirror but it is covered so he cannot see himself. “I will help you learn how to do your makeup in time if you decide to take part in the fashion show. Right now it will be easier for us to do your hair and makeup for you. I do want to point out that we’ll coordinate your lipstick and nail polish along with your whole look. Oh, and if you’re going to laugh when you look at yourself could you at least try giggling?”

Nick is amused that Lexis is quickly going to work on his face. He likes having her in front of him gazing into his eyes and at his complexion. He laughs just a moment, “It is probably not as much fun for you as it is for me to be looking directly at you”

Lexis smiles, “No, it is probably different; I doubt you can appreciate how as a college woman I kind of enjoy seeing this side of a guy. I enjoy being here with you and you're allowing me to do your makeup. I’m seeing a beautiful guy in front of me in a way I never would have dreamt. I am surprised how much I like being with you.”

Lexis steps back and calls over Kayla, “So what do you think?” Kayla smiles and asks Nick to put his right hand on the table. Kayla begins to work on Nick’s right hand as Lexis begins to pull some eyebrow hairs.

“O no you don’t,” says Nick.

Lexis smiles and says, “No, I am not doing a major shaping of your eyebrows. This will look better for Nick as well, please trust me for a moment. Did anyone ever tell you, you have beautiful eyelashes?”

He giggles, “They use to say they should be on a girl. I guess some might call that a compliment.” Lexis and Kayla both find it funny and giggle.

“That is much better,” said Kayla. “Have you ever been in a drama club or a play in high school?” Nick confesses he has. “Have you ever had to work at speaking in another voice?”

Nick senses things ready to escalate, “You’re not going to ask me to talk like a girl, are you?”

Kayla grins, “It might be okay for you to sound like a boy while wearing the outfit here, but at the fashion show or going out dressed like this that might be inadvisable.”

“What do you mean going out?” Nick had not thought that far. “I am not even accepting I can pass looking like a girl for the fashion show. And I did not volunteer for a speaking part.”

Alexis says, “I’ve heard you sing a little. You have a nice voice, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were asked to blend your voice and to help the girls’ chorus a few times.” Nick doesn’t say anything, as he gazes looking out and remembering high school. He was going to try for the chorus at State but had a sore throat the week of those auditions.

Kayla asks, “So try speaking in a soft girl’s voice.” Nick tries too hard. Kayla says, “Relax, and don’t try forcing anything. It will take some time, practice, with help.” It is the third attempt when Nikki’s voice begins to emerge. Pointing to one of the other outfits hanging in sight, Kayla asks, “Using that voice describe that outfit hanging up.”

Nick says, “I don’t like it. The skirt looks like it will be above my knees.”

“Go on,” Kayla encourages.

“It’s what my sister calls a print blouse with spring colors and the skirt is a mauve pink.” He asks, “Is that right?”

Kayla says, “Your sister informed you correctly and that is a pretty mauve color. Do you agree with me that the skirt and blouse work well together?”

Nick tries to go back to his normal voice but changes back as soon as Lexis gives a gentle cough. Lexis asks, “What else in life interests you? What are you hoping to do with a degree in business administration?”

“Our family are partners in a communications and graphics company. Mom says she wants me to help bring our business practices up with the changing times. She has been after me to get out of my shell along with developing my commuter capabilities.” Nick giggles, “I doubt if this is what she had in mind.”

Kayla has a light laugh, “Maybe, but are many of their customers or clients women?” She continues, “I suspect she has communicated to you about not speaking down to women, hasn’t she? Has she ever talked to you about seeing things from her or your sisters' point of view?”

“I can’t say I’m extremely sensitive, but yes, she helps to check any chauvinist viewpoint out of my vocabulary and attitude.”

Kayla asks, “Have they ever mentioned your ability to look like a young woman?”

“My Mom and my sisters, I have two older sisters; they’re being sensitive in that is a sore subject with me. I tended to speak up for the underdog when it isn’t me. It caused me to get hassled and called a few names. I’ve tended to wear my hair on the long side despite being teased. But I’ve stayed away from doing anything remotely like this.” Nick’s expression lightened up and took the glow of color as he talks.

Lexis taps Nick’s shoulder and gives an understanding smile, “So this is an even bigger step than we would have supposed? …I must say, I’m even more impressed. So are you hoping it works to make you look presentable for a fashion show or not?”

Nick has settled into his feminine voice, “I don’t think I have an opinion about that one way or another. I was more interested in how you two would relate to me. Megan and Eryn said something about women being able to relate with a guy like me. They’re a couple of years older than us, I wasn’t sure if I could buy into what they were saying.”

“I’m not particularly interested in how a woman sees me in her clothes, looking like her, but as a guy. I’m sorry, I guess it sounds like babbling and doesn’t make sense,” Nick is being apologetic, yet praying that one of the two might have some understanding of what he’s trying to say.

Kayla goes and pours three glasses of wine, “Break.”

Nick is mindful that he and the other two are underage as far as drinking. He’s hesitant but takes a glass and sips. There is a trace of lipstick on his glass. Kayla says, “As long as we don’t go overboard or flaunt it openly we can do it. My roommate is of age, so I’d just say it’s hers.”

Lexis says, “I think I understand what you’re saying. I’m not used to a guy thinking like that. It’s a bit philosophical, you’re kind of like a guy being liberated. You’re willing to dress outside your element to see if we’d still be comfortable with you like a guy?”

The group is sitting around with the wine, some cheese, and crackers. Kayla takes Nick’s glass, saying “Let me freshen up your lipstick and check your makeup. Then we should be ready for you to have a glimpse of yourself.”

Nick was surprised that he was sitting around visiting with them not considering how he might look to either of them. He hadn’t gotten up to see what he looked like. Lexis used a makeup triangle to fix a smudge. Kayla touched up his lipstick and declared he was ready to see himself.

“Wait,” she asks. Nick was asked to turn as Kayla put a necklace around his neck. She then put a towel on his shoulder. She took hold of his ear, held a piece of ice there for a moment, and then stuck his ear with a needle and put in an earring. She marked the other side, double-checked, and did the same there. Nick said nothing all that time. He was not putting up a false front anymore.

Lexis had pulled away the sheet covering the mirror as they walked Nick up to it. “So do you see, Nick or Nikki?” Lexis asked.

Nick looked, it wasn’t the Nikki of his dream from the night before. He hadn’t imagined himself to look this much like a woman as the Nikki who was looking back. There was silence, then Kayla spoke up, “We do not want to presume how you see yourself.” She gave Nick two nylon footies and then a pair of heels. Without getting into a debate about them, Nick went along and put on the heels and went back to the mirror. His footing was not a girl’s for sure, but he managed. He even turned sideways to get other views.

Finally, he confessed, “Wow, you know you got me. I was set to find some reason that I was not presentable as Nikki.”

Kayla looked at her watch and a worried look came over her. Nick asked what the problem was. Kayla was now the one to confess. “A person at the registrar’s office is willing to get us an extra identity card. A friend from the LGBT consortium was even willing to come and vouch for you having a second identity.” Kayla pulled out her smartphone, “I should call them and cancel. I wasn’t thinking and I don’t want to put you on the spot.”

Nick smiled as he heard understanding, “Before you call and cancel, why don’t you ask if I’m game to go through with it? Seemingly you knew what I could look like while I was in denial.”

Lexis giggled, “If we’re going to do it we should get you in some pantyhose and a jacket fitting your gender identity.”

It was not yet 3:30 as we got to campus and the registrar’s office. There was one woman with a smile as the three of us came walking through the doors. Nick was introduced to Bridgette from the LGBT consortium. The woman behind the desk said, “I need to see your current student's I.D. and another source of proof. Am I correct that this is for a second I.D. card?” Having confirmed that she asked, “What is the name you want on your second card?”

“Nicole Greene, wait, could I use my Mom’s maiden name?” The registrar indicated that would be fine. “Then Nicole Majors please, it should be Magers as they Americanized it. The registrar had Nicole pose for a picture and when the new college I.D. was handed to Nick it read, Nicole G. Magers, it even had a new student number, and even listed an actual faculty advisor listed on a sheet of information given to Nicole.

Bridgette, handed Nicole information on the consortium, “You kind of owe us to show up at a meeting sometime.” She did not stay around to hear what Nicole might have to say…

To be continued…

They went back out to Lexis’ car and started again. Nick thought his day was over and they’d go back so he could change. Lexis drove north, and Nick thought she was just making a bigger, easier loop back to Kayla’s apartment. But they continued north, Nick realized he went this way only if he was going to the mall to work. ‘Surely they weren’t going there?’ “What… wait, where are we going!” he asked?

Kayla spoke up, “Just a short ride and walk. Don’t worry, no one will recognize you.”

Nick insisted they go back, “Either we go back or this is all off!”

Lexis quickly signaled for a turn and they were heading back to Kayla’s. Nick relaxed as they headed to the apartment. Once there and walking to the apartments they saw people and he said “Hello” in Nikki’s voice. Others respond accepting he was a woman.

Two guys stopped Kayla, “Are the three of you open to going out tonight?”

Kayla almost choked before she could respond, looking first to Nikki, “No, at this point we’re in for a girl’s night.” Nick gave a big sigh of relief and continued to walk to Kayla’s apartment. He paused ten feet from her apartment door. Kayla and Alexis caught up to Nick with Kayla getting out her apartment fob key. Kayla looked ahead of Nick to see why he stopped.

“Megan and Eryn, I’m surprised you’re here.” She proceeds to the door, opening it and allowing everyone inside.

Megan turns around, “Everyone this is my friend Eryn; we stopped hoping to get a glimpse of Nick to see if we could help with the transformation. Where is he; don’t tell me he was a no-show?”

Lexis joyfully spoke up, “Let me introduce myself, I’m Lexi Newbury and this is our friend Nicole Magers. We were just out and came back.”

Both Megan and Eryn shot their eyes over to Nicole. “No,” one said. “Wow girl, you dress up really well. Could you turn a little so we can see you better?” There’s a pause until Eryn asks, “Are you as comfortable as you appear. I know you’re getting nervous, but please relax. You’re among friends.”

Nick uses Nikki’s voice, “I was… I too was surprised this is me. Can we please be seated?” Nicole made the mistake of sitting on a soft couch that sunk. Nicole had begun to sweep her hands under her bottom and legs but wasn’t prepared as she flopped further down. The front of the skirt flew up a bit and it rode up her thighs. “Embarrassing,” Nicole sighed.

Kayla giggles lightly, “That is why I didn’t allow you to sit there before.” Kayla sat on the same couch, allowing one leg to swing underneath her as she gently sat. Megan and Eryn both remained standing for a moment, both looking very surprised or pleased, maybe both.

Eryn looked around and saw another outfit visibly hanging in Kayla’s room. “Has she already tried the other two outfits?” Eryn walked over to the dress she saw hanging and came back to hold it in front of Nichole. “How is the name Nicole Magers, if he’s Nick Greene?” Eryn stretched out her other hand to Nichole to help her stand up. Eryn was amused as Nicole slipped her feet back into the heels before standing up.

Nick spoke up, “I used my mother’s maiden name to get a second student I.D.” Eryn had marched Nick to a mirror and held the dress in front of her.

Eryn asked Nick softly, “So, I take it you haven’t tried this one yet? Are you willing; I’d like to see how you look in it?” Seeing his initial reaction she said, “No, you don’t have to, but I would be very thankful if you would try it on?” Nick took the dress and walked into Kayla’s bathroom.

Nikki called back out, “Can someone hand me the hangers for this outfit?” Stepping out of the skirt and taking off the blouse and cami did not come naturally to Nick. She called out, “Do I step into the dress or pull it on over?”

Kayla knocked and stepped into the bathroom asking if it were okay. “I’m sorry for coming in, but I didn’t want you ruining the dress as you tried to get it on. We’ll pull it down over you, please, let me help you. Raise your arms and find the sleeves as it comes down over you.”

The dress was gathered at the waist to accent a figure as they buttoned up the front. Nick would have buttoned it all the way up. Kayla found a nice compromise. She helped Nikki with her hair and changed her makeup just a little. That little change made a nice difference that even Nikki noticed. “Thanks, Kayla. I take it they’re being here is not a total surprise. I suspect they are earlier than you thought.”

Kayla, “Take a good look for yourself. If you are okay with how you look, let’s go and woo the upperclassmyn.” Nikki opened the door and walked out as Kayla followed. Nikki walked over to Megan, Lexi, and Eryn. Everyone was duly impressed.

It was now six, everyone agreed to eat Chinese, but it took a little coaxing. Eryn’s car was cozy but they all fit. There is a Chinese restaurant over by the mall but it wasn’t their first stop. They parked near the closest entrance to the shoe store.

Nicole was now noticeably more comfortable and use to walking. Eryn joked, “You are fortunate these aren’t as high of a heel as last week.”

They walked into the shoe store and busied themselves looking at shoes as Dorie was checking out a customer. It was a moment before Dorie came over recognizing Eryn and Megan. “Are your friends interested in shoes? I’ll give each of you a coupon for bringing them in.”

“I think they brought us in to see if you would recognize me?” Nick smiles as she hadn’t. “I’m Nick’s alter ego or something like that.” It still took a moment for it to sink in for Dorie. She was as surprised as any.

“Should I call you Nikki or what? Please tell me that this wasn’t you all along,” Dorie asks? She soon recovers, “Does this means you are willing to be in the fashion show as the store’s representative?”

“No, I haven’t been like this and I’m not like this in the way I think you mean. But when I’m dressed like this please call me Nikki or Nicole. I thought I made it clear last weekend that I’m straight. And yes, since they transformed me this well; I think I’d be going back on my word to say no to the fashion show. But it will be a one-time thing.”

Dorie says, “If you find a pair of shoes you like for, under sixty dollars, I’ll give it as a promo.”

Nikki started to say ‘No’, but Eryn spoke up. “Sorry, but you do not pass up a perk like that. How often has your boss given away a pair of expensive shoes?” Eryn speaks again, “You’re right, she doesn’t. You will take advantage of this opportunity, even if you give them away after the fashion show.”

The other women had Nicole look at and try three pairs of shoes before Nikki picked out a 2 1/2” heeled boot that she first looked at. It was very attractive and expensive, but on sale, it was barely in the sixty-dollar range. Nikki wore them out of the store. Nick thought he was done, but they went to Macy‘s.

Nikki was uncomfortable but everyone else insisted Nicki get her own panties and bra.

Nick whispered his protest and problem to Kayla, “There is no way, I’m comfortable trying on a bra and having things spill out of the cups and rolling on the floor.”

Kayla understood the protest, but her answer was she would go in and help Nikki. The women agreed to buy two nice pairs of panties and a nice satin and lace bra. Nick said the expense would be lost on him. The women insist it will be worth it to them.

Nick made the mistake of staring at a blouse too long as they went into the changing room. Lexis knew Nikki’s size and soon knocked on the changing room door to hand in the blouse

The women did buy the lingerie and insisted on Nikki buying the blouse. They justified his expenditure saying, “You are getting a new pair of boots, stockings, panties, and a bra while only paying for a blouse.”

“Yes but I don’t care to wear any of it.”

Eryn spoke, “Like I said, last weekend. You are a special guy to have girlfriends who accept you as you are.” Nick knew he could either argue that or pay the price to buy all the clothes he was getting. A soft thanks were his reply.

It was eight-thirty by the time they ordered their meals. Lexi did not mention how straight Nikki sat or how she ate taking small bites. Near the end of the meal, Nick was uncomfortable. It couldn’t be that he ate too much as half his dinner was being boxed to go.

Lexi stood up and extended her hand to Nikki, “Come, I’m sure you need to use the little girl’s room.” Nick pulled his hand back, while Lexi raised her voice just enough. “You really don’t want to protest and you definitely don’t want an accident.” Eryn got up to go with them.

In the toilet stall, Nikki scooted up to her dress and casually pulled down her panty and pantyhose. “Wipe your front as well as back,” Lexi whispered as Nicki had gone in.

After she came out and she was washing her hands, Lexi told Nikki, “Check your purse, I put in what you needed before we left the apartment.” Nikki checks her face in the mirror and then her purse. She pulled out a lip-gloss, a small brush, and a plastic case with eye makeup.

Lexi had Nikki fix her own lips but used a mascara brush to separate Nikki’s eyelashes and then brushes her hair into place. The rest of the table complimented Nick on how he was doing.

They did go to a nightspot to relax and talk. The lights were low and there was enough music and noise that they talked knowing they could not be overheard. Megan was the one who brought up the question. “Nikki, it seems you are quite relaxed, does it mean you’re…”

Kayla broke in and spoke to Nick’s defense, “We’ve already talked on this subject. I think Nick has a neat sense of himself. It’s not so much seeing himself as a girl; I think he has a bigger sense of being himself.”

Nick gets up and hugs Kayla in appreciation for what she said. The evening passes with them eventually making their way back to the apartment with Megan and Eryn going back to their places.

Nick undressed, showered, and was ready to get back in his clothes. Kayla calls into the bathroom, “I hope you don’t mind but I put a nightshirt in there. I think you are too tired and should crash here for the night. Lexi is in the other shower, she too is staying the night.”

Luckily, to Nick’s thinking, the nightshirt is not overly feminine. There is a fragrance with it, but it too is subtle. Nick has dried and brushed out his hair.

“Why don’t you lay down on my bed until I’m done with my shower and then we can figure out sleeping arrangements?” Nick is surprised at how relaxed Kayla is around him now. She’s partially undressed, down to her panty and bra as she goes to shower.

When Kayla came back to the room, she found that Nicole had already fallen asleep. Kayla went and visited Lexi in the common living area. Kayla was willing to share her bed, but she was unwilling to give it over nor her pillow up. She grabbed her pillow and made it to the side with the most sleeping area still available.

It was almost five in the morning when Nikki woke up needing to use the bathroom. Once Nikki was done using the toilet and cleaned up. She/he was ready to sleep in the common area but it was too cool to sleep without a blanket. Once back into Kayla’s bedroom, she heard a voice talking to her, “Get back into bed before I fully awake.”

Scooting into the bed Nikki was pulled over to Kayla, “Don’t say anything aloud, just cooperate.” Kayla began to give Nikki a passionate kiss. “I hope you can have a good time without going all the way?” She did guide one hand to her breasts. It soon became apparent that she was treating Nikki like a lesbian lover.

While Nick did not get to completely enjoy himself, he enjoyed the time immensely. It leaped ahead of any first date he ever had. It was after 7:00 that he woke up while Kayla was putting the finishing touches on getting dressed. Before leaving the room, she turned and addressed him as Nikki. “My suggestion would be for you to take a good shower and to dress in the second skirt outfit.”

He found himself, thinking of his time with Kayla, and now imagined it was Nicole who wanted to be clean of Nick. He found himself wondering, ‘who Kayla saw herself with? And why was she suggesting for Nicole to wear another outfit.’

Lexi called in, “We know you have to work later and again tomorrow; so we want you to try the other outfit and get in a little more practice. We do enjoy having time with you as Nicole. I hope that doesn’t cause lasting damage to your male ego. We are finding it all quite refreshing.”

Kayla says, “I am needing to write a fiction story for one of my classes. Would you mind if I used you for inspiration?”

Nicole replies, “As long as it doesn’t become non-fiction or have so much detail that it obviously describes me.”

We had been so busy talking that I was putting on the top before I was conscious of all that I was doing. Kayla knocked at the door saying, “I hope you won’t mind but I have some cutlets you should try in your bra to see how they look and feel.”

I said, “We need to wait for another time, as I just put my top on.”

Kayla giggled, “That is easily undone, now is a good time with you here and willing.”

Still using Nicole’s voice, she says, “You’re presuming easily done, but I am not used to doing this at all.”

Lexi giggled, “For someone not used to doing this; you managed to get further along than any of us imagined. We are not presuming, though we are pushing you a little…

To be continued…

Kayla said, “We were hoping to take Nicole to brunch and then go back to my dorm room where you can change back to Nick. Nick can go up to his room and study a little before going to work.”

I stubbornly say, “I don’t do brunch, I do breakfast.”

Kayla says, “You’re free to do a big breakfast, but you should go back to Lexi’s dorm room and change back to Nick before doing so. You don’t want to mess up the outfit or your figure.”

Nikki says, “I can’t believe I’m doing all this.”

Kayla said, “I don’t think any of us could have imagined getting this far so soon. I already feel like I’ve known Nicole for a while.”

Having brunch was actually fun for Nicole as the three women shared bites of the others' food. That was something Nick would never do.

Lexi and Nikki were walking up to their dorm, Nikki said, “I can’t believe I’m walking up to Lancer Hall dressed as Nikki.” There’s a sigh and a breath taken as they go up to the elevator. Lexi reaches past Nikki to press the correct floor button. “Not your floor yet.”

Changed out of Nikki’s clothes and makeup, Nick dresses and brushes out his hair as he usually has it. Lexi and Nick sat down as he regained his voice and persona, before going upstairs. Lexi complimented Nick, “Hey, I enjoyed our time together. I appreciate all that you put up with. I like knowing both of you.”

Nick soon said good-bye and couldn’t help but notice the difference between walking back into his world and a male domain. Brock and Dolan who shared the suite of three rooms quizzed him about being away. He said he with some female students, and they teased him saying they must have forced him to have a shower and shampoo his hair.

He laughed saying, “You kinda guessed right, but it wasn’t what you’d imagine. I’m not saying more other than I hope to do it some more. In time, you’ll know more about it but not now.”

Brock observed enough, to say, “It looks like they groomed you, was that for their purpose or to hide what you did?” After Dolan had left, Brock came back, “Tell me what’s going on; I have both girlfriends and a sister. I don’t know what you did, was it with some in one of your study groups or coeds we don’t know?”

I had studied for over an hour not listening to him. When I got dressed and cleaned up for work, Brock was on my case again. “It must have something to do with people through work. Gee, Nick quit being so mysterious about this. You’re driving me crazy.”

I joked back, “You’ve been crazy before, you’ll get over it.”

I was able to use the university shuttle to the mall. While others were going I only recognized one as also working there. Melanie worked at one of the larger women’s apparel stores. While I thought she looked at me a little more than usual we only shared our usual greetings.

Steph was one of two customers who stopped in looking for shoes and asked if I was the guy who was nice to women without coming on to them.

“I have been working here for months; it would be a nice compliment if it’s about me.”

Carrie, my co-worker, overheard the comment and said, “We’ve heard the comment a few times lately. It seems that women customers have taken notice and passed the word along. It definitely doesn’t hurt business.”

It didn’t result in business right away with Steph. She tried on three pairs but said she’d need to wait for a sale. Carrie had offered a 5% discount, but Steph said she’d wait. Otherwise, work time went fast as we were busier than usual.

Sunday was a long day at the Mall as I was to work from 10 until six, but ended up helping Carrie up to closing at 8:00 p.m. Dorie the manager and I opened the store. She commented on hearing more compliments from shoppers regarding our service. Beth, Eryn, and Andrea, from the week before, came in the afternoon with two other friends, Raelyn and Kylie. Eryn was strangely quiet as Beth and Andrea were back to teasing me. Kylie spoke up, directing her words to me, “We have a sports banquet coming up and we would like to look more fashionable than athletic. What would you suggest?”

“Kylie, I would suggest you look at our selection of ankle boots that have straps. And I’d recommend anything up to a 2 1/2” heel for Raelyn. You know your fashion styles and colors, I just encourage you to be comfortable.” Raelyn shows me a picture of a long skirt and blouse she plans to wear. I am surprised that she thinks I would know enough to suggest something. I do take my time to look at her outfit and back to her twice. A black and maroon dress heels come to mind. I describe it and ask Dorie do we still have it in size nine. Dorie finds the dress shoe and I search out a maroon ankle boot. Both are very fashionable but need to be for the right customer and style.

It is easy to realize I made a new friend as I’m invited to call her Rae. She comments, “I usually find men disinterested in taller women.”

My comment, “It may have more to do with the guy, distracted not only by your size but how you’re attractive and probably in better shape than most of us guys. I even saw in one of your game programs that you’re a science major. Intelligence could also scare off some.”

While I am serving this group, I see Steph from yesterday come in with a person I’d take to be a mom or relation. If she wants me she’s going to need to wait. Going back for other shoes, I did comment to her, “Feel free to use Dorie or Carrie.”

She did use Carrie as Carrie already knew two of the shoes she was interested in. The fact was being a shoe store our specialty was our personal service and the quality of the customers’ experience.

Not only did I get sales from Rae and Kylie, but also a purchase from Andrea. I also got told I had another night to work on Wednesday.

Come 8:30 when we closed and I walked away from the store. I was surprised as Melanie called to me. “Do you have a ride back to campus?”

I say, “Not until the city bus comes at 9:00.”

“If you don’t mind riding with a bunch of us women, we can get you within a few blocks as we’re stopping to eat,” she replied? One was Melanie’s dorm-mate and a third another student friend. I thanked them for the ride and was stepping away from the pizza place they stopped at. Casey says, “If you can make some conversation and pay your portion you’re welcome to eat with us?”

Melanie was amused by my story of helping Raelyn. I had not mentioned her by name but Melanie knew the group and a skirt Rae had bought earlier and her complaint that their shoes were too narrow for her. “If we know you can serve her, you might be getting a few more sent your way.”

I said, “Tell them to give your name, we will do what we can to please them.”

Casey asked, “How come you’re not at one of the stores having more male customers?”

“You’re talking about the athletic shoe stores; there are two reasons. One, they didn’t hire me and two I don’t look like another jock.”

Casey says, “Your ability to converse with us says you’re at the right place.” They were interested in talking more than I was; so I put down a little more than the cost of my meal plus a tip. I excused myself.

I got a call from my sister on the way back to the dorm. Rachel hadn’t heard all that I had done since we last talked, but she was happy for me. “What happened, is this really my brother who shies away from women?”

“I’ve changed Sis and I have you in part to thank.”

Instead of calling over to Rob and Jake, I called down to Lexi about studying and ideas for a report due soon. It sounded like she had already done some of it, but she invited me down to the fifth floor. Lexi, Jan, and I studied some. Jan was interested in studying but was distracting me in her PJs. Lexi was answering most of our questions as she was ahead in her studies. Lexi was however interested in Eryn, Beth, Andrea, and the new friends I encountered. Lexi informed me, “Raelyn has befriended Kayla and talked her into a double business and science administration major. And she knows you’re a friend of Kayla’s.”

“Are you saying she knows about me,” I asked?

It was 11:30 by the time I was asked to leave. I was shaking my head as I walked away, I was big on female friendships and short on romance. Lexi had given me a hug and a kiss on the corner of my lips and cheek.

The next morning, Lexi spotted me as I got off at the first floor of the elevator and we went to our 11:00 o’clock class. “Nick, Kayla called and asked if we could meet and go out to lunch.”

I say, “I would love to, but I missed breakfast and need to use my meal program to save funds.” It hits me strange that Kayla called Lexi to communicate with me. “Hey, what gives that Kayla needs to reach me through you?”

Lexi says, “She saw an outfit that one of the stores want to be modeled at the fashion show. She’d show it to me but wanted you to be there. It would seem normal that we’d all get a good look at it.”

“That would be going a little fast for me,” I said.

Lexi stops in our tracks, “It would be fun; we’re happy to be there for you.” She begins walking again, “Just think about it.”

It's noon as the class is over and we’re walking out, “There’s Kayla and Raelyn; they must not have gotten my text,” Lexi said. “Let’s hurry and you can be back for business math at three.”

I’m in the car and Rae smiles and I can’t tell if she knows about me or not. Kayla said, “I hear you met my friend Raelyn. That you even sold her some shoes… She talked me into a double major, so I can use my talents to help humanity. I met her through our friend Eryn.”

I commented, “That’s a neat coincidence.”

Kayla looks offended, “Not really, I met her after a volleyball game. We’ve talked since and became friends.”

I’m wondering am I extra sensitive? Kayla checks a message, “Oh, so you weren’t planning on coming, sorry I cut into your plans. You buy your meal, and I’ll pay for your drink and tip.”

I say, “I can pay for any meal, it’s just my budgeting is close.”

Lexi misunderstands, ‘Close for clothes’, you’re budgeting clothes? No, we just looking at clothes, we’re not wanting you to buy anything right now.”

Raelyn giggles at the mistake between ‘close’ and ‘clothes’. “Why would you be worried about the clothes are they for you?”

The three of us go quiet as we go in to eat at Papaya Asian. Lexi was embarrassed and I was turning white as I held my breath. I paid Kayla ten dollars and she paid for our meals.

The conversation during the meal was okay, but Raelyn was suspicious. “Okay, what’s with whatever’s going on?”

Lexi and Kayla both stare at me; I say, “She might as well know; she’ll know soon enough.”

Kayla explains and Raelyn looks me up and down, “Funny, I have no problem seeing Eryn and Megan coaxing you into something like that. Does that mean I can go with you as we look at this new outfit?”

We’re walking to Forever 21 and Eryn’s at the entrance, and amused seeing Raelyn there as well. Ms. Jansen the manager greets us. “So I take it, that Lexi or Eryn is the lookalike and he’s the one who would be modeling for the fashion show… That will be cute. He’s not model thin, but you assure me he transforms well.”

Eryn had a picture from last Friday that she shares with Ms. Jansen. I blush as everyone gets to see the picture. Ms. Jansen walks us to the back room and uncovers a blouse and skirt combination. “This will not be out until the fashion show, there are three fashion shows that weekend in the Midwest. You will be our lifelike model.”

I begin to argue, “You don’t want to trust something like that to me?”

She giggles, “I have a similar outfit I want you to have to practice with. Don’t get nervous, but when you’re ready I hope Nicole will stop by.” She hands an outfit to Eryn on hangers. “The camisole is yours as is the outfit as long as you practice in it more than once or twice.” The silver-gray skirt and printed blouse are themselves nice, but the others recognize they’re from last year’s fashions.

We’re walking back to the car to go back to campus when Raelyn gives me advice. “You need to be dieting and doing aerobics to not embarrass yourself. You are trying to pass as a real woman, right?” Lexi assures her that is already planned.

Lexi and I are let out at our dorm with our books and Lexi caring the new outfit. Other students are surprised when I stop with Lexi as she shows off the outfit. In the elevator, Lexi reminds me to go to my room on the eighth floor. “You need to get to class.”

I guess Brock saw me come up to the dorm from our window, “So who’s your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend, we’re in a few classes together. We ate lunch with some others that’s it.”

Brock says, “And went shopping too. I don’t go shopping with just classmates.” I exchanged books got my tablet. Brock steps toward me, “You even smell like you’ve been with several women.”

“Don’t get jealous; I’m going to another class. You’ll find out later but it isn’t the good time you’re imagining.”

“So you’re not having a fun time with them,” Brock asks?

“I’m not saying I’m not, just not what you think nor am I explaining,” says Nick as he leaves for class.

“Then at least tell me who she is?”

“You mean Lexi Newbury,” Nick says. “She is in three of my classes. She has a suite on the 5th floor.”

Wednesday, our study group meets 2-4 p.m., and I’m due at work come five until closing. Lexis (Alexis) Newbury, Ciera Eagle, Jan Brown, and Kayla Jones, we have a good study session, but Ciera is upset that she’s out of the loop on something. Her gossiping during study assures me that she’s not a good risk to share our news.

I am scheduled by Lexi, Kayla, and Eryn to practice wearing my new outfit come Friday afternoon.

Work goes well, but I’m being pressured by Dorie to work another evening. She backs off only upon knowing from Ms. Jansen that I need to practice for the fashion show. Business from the shoe store is busier when I’m there, but sales are up even when I’m not. We have two other women buying shoes for the upcoming sports banquet.

Carrie doesn’t work Wednesdays, Lora another co-worker is there and amused that I’m the male shoe salesman who is attracting women customers. “I was going to come shopping last weekend. I was sure that Dorie hired another man, who might garner women’s attention and be part of the fashion show. No offense, but I don’t see you attracting the attention unless you were servicing them after business hours.”

I say, “Sorry to disappoint you, but I need my study time to keep up a ‘B or 3.0’ average.” I am studying a lot, but I am short of hours that I can explain.

Lexi has me doing a skincare regimen every other day. Dolan is the one who knows I’m up early the next morning to wash and make sure I’m not leaving evidence of what I’m doing. Fortunately, Dolan couldn’t care about anything that doesn’t affect him.

Rob and Jake are upset that I turn them down on an offer to go to the Twin Cities. “You could call in sick for work on Saturday, you’d be back in time for work on Sunday… Your flatmate, Brock says it has to do will your girlfriend Lexi and others,” That I call them just friends gets laughs from the guys, but it’s enough for them to leave me alone.

Coming back from class on Friday, I went to Lexi’s room to begin my transition. Jan Brown was there, but Candace had already left for the weekend. I practiced walking and gestures in the common area of the suite; when two girls down the hall knock and came in. I scattered to Lexi’s room before they got a complete look.

Lexi wasn’t lying when she said I was shy and not fully ready to be seen. Seemingly, Joanne had seen rollers in my hair, though she didn’t see it as anything to be upset about among other women. Jan entertained Joanne and Sheila as Lexi assisted me to make my transition complete. I was soon into a different dress and put on stockings as Lexi did the detailed work of my makeup. She handed me the strapped ankle boots that Dorie had given me. I talked in a whisper with Lexi to get my voice back to Nicole’s voice.

The plan was to say a quick hello and for me to leave for Kayla’s with Lexi. Hopefully, Jan would soon follow. We stepped out to the living area and Joanne pulls out her tablet from her purse asking for Lexi’s help to troubleshoot a problem. Instead of Lexi being rude, she asked me to sit and visit as she took care of the problem. Joanne does have one class in common with me and I’m uncomfortable. Lexi asked for Jo’s attention as she showed her the solution. Sheila liked my outfit as well as my shoes and we were drawn into a conversation. I know the shoes are from my store Hers and His Shoes, and I believe I’m correct in saying the dress is from Forever 21.

Once Lexi is done I make the mistake of saying, “Please excuse us, but we need to leave so I can get in some practice.”

Joanne jumps on my statement, “You don’t appear to be dressed as anyone going to practice. If I may ask what are you practicing for?” Needless to say, I was at a loss for anything to say.

Simultaneously, Lexi says, “Modeling,” and Jan answers, “Fashion show.”

Joanne says, “You’re cute but not regular model material. It must be for the Mall’s upcoming fashion show. Lexi, why didn’t you bring us in on this?”

“Some upperclassmen coaxed her into it and since another girl and I are classmates we were drafted into helping her. It’s fun but takes our spare hours we steal here and there. Sorry, but we’re already late.”

I got up ready to leave, but Lexi needed to remind me to pick up my purse. Which caused another distraction as I needed to pause to choose the correct purse. Going out the door and walking to the elevator I turned around to see who was following us walking in heels. Lexi jokes, “You need to get more practice hearing yourself in heels.”

When we were alone in going down the elevator; Lexi commented, “Don’t do that in pulling down the hem of your skirt? If you feel compelled to check it, just brush your hand down like you’re smoothing it out.”

I wasn’t mindful of doing it until she said it. On the ride over to Kayla’s apartment, Lexi notices that I am getting more nervous. “Nicole, you are doing fantastic and I enjoy helping you. Please know you have my full support. But you also need to realize what we’re doing is going to be figured out by someone. Instead of being totally embarrassed, Kayla and I both agree that you should be seeing this as a college experience.” Lexi paused, “Have you ever in your wildest imagination ever wanted to be a girl or do something like this?”

I hesitated and thought of my older sister, Rachel, and my mom. I was ten when I first saw my oldest sister in a pretty dress, going with my mother to a mother-daughter social. Since then I have watched my sisters now and then. I thought Rachel and her clothes we amazing. There was once when I was fifteen and stepped into a pretty pair of her heels and held her dress in front of me as I twirled in front of a mirror. But no, I had never given serious thought to crossdressing or wanting to be a girl.

We stopped at a traffic light and Lexi paused, “You did once or twice but didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t think it was something you’ve done but having a mom and attractive sisters and girlfriends you’ve taken notice. That’s the sensitivity we’ve referred to. It makes you attractive to some of us women, which will only increase that sensitivity. Please, don’t get blown away when it comes to light.”

To be continued…

We stopped at a traffic light and Lexi paused, “You did once or twice didn’t you, but didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t think it was something you’ve done but having a mom and attractive sisters and girlfriends you’ve since taken notice and took it as normal. That’s the sensitivity we’ve referred to. It makes you attractive to some of us women, and this is only going to increase that sensitivity. Please, don’t get blown away when it comes to light.”

“That scares me,” I say, “you’re not saying if but when it comes to light, as though it is a certain thing.”

Lexi giggles, “Yes, even you know that if you think about it. If not before, sometime during the fashion show that you’re a guy will become known. They might not say your name, but I’m sure one of your growing number of customers is going to make the connection of you representing ‘Her and His Shoes’.

We are walking up to Kayla’s apartment, her carrying an overnight bag. Eryn and Beth are there and I know Jan will soon be there after she picks something up. I was ready to flop down on the notorious couch when I caught myself. Inside there’s another person, Mia, she’s a fashion and design major. She says, “Nicole, you are off to a good start, but you need to relax and practice, practice, practice. Don’t worry, unless it becoming second nature to you causes you to worry.”

“You are going to be changing clothes, hairstyles, and shoes walking stairs between here and my room 1012 for several hours. You’ll be practicing makeup as well as going out to eat and later dancing.”

Eryn says, “Megan’s downstairs, and Mia and Lexi will be down there to watch and help you there. Kayla, Beth, Jan, and I will be up here. A few others will meet us for dinner and then later most of us will go for a short night out. Then like last week you’ll stay the night here, have brunch and change back at Lexi’s to be Nick again. You should plan on two study nights as Nikki this week for added practice. Your new ID will work at the library, the cafeterias, and elsewhere.”

I speak up, “I didn’t volunteer for all of this.” Eryn, Lexi, Kayla as well as Megan over a smartphone, “Neither did we, at least not directly,” Eryn ends it, “But I guess, none of us wants to embarrass ourselves.” I guess that summed it up for me as well.

I changed into a long skirt and blouse outfit, which necessitated a change of makeup that even I could see was needed. Walking downstairs as well as just walking itself changed with the long skirt. Coming back up I had added bracelets, a necklace, and dangling earrings and a purse I carried using a short handheld strap. Lexi and Mia stayed there and I walked alone. Another female student got into a conversation with me. I wasn’t sure if she was part of a set-up or not, but I felt comfortable enough. She complimented me about my outfit. She was happy to be done classes for the week but was staying here for a long weekend of studying and reports. She was across the hall and down from Kayla in room 3034.

The next outfit was a short skirt with leggings and a pullover top. My hair was changed to a ponytail, and I had to choose my makeup. Kayla changed some of my makeup, to appear as though I had raised cheekbones and she brightened around my eyes. I changed to casual shoes, they were Skechers slip-on sneakers with two-inch heels. It all makes for a nice look and I get asked if I am one of Mia’s friends as I approach her apartment. “Tell Mia that Stu and Jeff are interested if you’re going out tonight.” I blush and do not respond as I knock and enter Mia’s apartment.

Mia recognizes Jeff’s voice as I enter; she gives me a hard time about attracting guys. “I’m willing to fix you up if you’re willing?” she whispers, “He’d even be old enough to order some drinks if you wanted that.”

I did not respond to Mia as they had me sitting up like a young woman. Megan had handed me a plate with half a tuna salad sandwich, a pickle spear, and maybe three chips, with a place for a cup of tea. It was a balancing act that I seemingly pleased them in accomplishing. I was reminded in this case to cross my legs at the ankle. We talked about spring flowers that might decorate the fashion show.

Megan from my entrance there was set upon changing my hairstyle and had it in large rollers to give me a straighter look that curled under around the ends. My pierced ears were given a set of chandelier earrings of silver aspen leaf design on hoop-shaped hooks. My makeup was done for evening wear, and I was talked into wearing a waist cincher and a red skater dress.

I spoke up, complaining about the waist cincher and that the outfit would stand out this early in the day. Kayla responded, “We agree but we want Mia’s thoughts on you wearing it tonight.” Though I didn’t count that many I’m told this is my tenth change and there will be one more before dinner.

The heels caused me to go slow down the steps; I knew I had improved in my walking. Several people were out in the lobby area on the first floor. No one mentioned my looking like a guy, while seral asked where I was going dressed up this early. Mentioning Mia’s apartment, several replied that it could be tough to pass her critique. The only obvious change was two push-up pads added to my bra. I guess the change was not lost on two women still there talking when I went back upstairs. Kayla, Beth, and Jan had a good giggle at my expense. They also talked and agreed with the other room that it would be my night outfit. I told the group that I didn’t want to go out tonight. When I should have told them no, and held my ground.

I was thankful that Kayla and two others joined me in changing for dinner. Raelyn and Ciera Eagle from our study group met us at the restaurant. It wasn’t until Raelyn called me by name, Nicole, that Ciera recognized me. “This is the secret you have kept from me? How come you have let only some people know you’re transgender.”

Both at dinner and earlier at the apartment complex, I had been seen by several classmates who did not recognize me as Nick. My first being outed was by Melanie Adams the student who worked at Forever 21. She saw us eating and came to say, ‘Hi’. She said, “You impress me, but I’m not terribly surprised when you accompanied them to select clothes from our store.” She pulled a chair to our table, “I have been looking for you ever since I heard Nick might be the representative from his store. I even guessed you might be practicing to pass as a woman.” She giggled as did others, “It takes this many women to make you over into an attractive woman?”

I had ordered pie, fitting the restaurant we were eating at, but Lexi had volunteered and ate half of my piece. I was ready to complain until I realized she was doing Nikki a favor. I needed to change my eating habits until after the fashion show.

After dinner, Kayla, Jan, and Lexi took me back to change and be ready for the evening. Something I planned to protest against. Kayla handed me a glass of water and two small pills, she said, “One is like a sedative and will help you to relax and not embarrass yourself. The other will help with your complexion and hair.”

I took them saying, “I intend to relax and sleep or do some reading while you go out tonight.”

Jan says, “That’s not in our plans, you need to be around music and to feel the rhythm dressed as a woman and sway to the music.” She said, “I plan to have at least one or two dances with you.”

Lexi says, “Me too.”

It was an hour and a half later, and they had me try one outfit before we decided on the one from the afternoon. I did get to wear a silk pair of panties with a shield to protect the panty. I felt a little upset though I wasn’t going to tell anyone. Seemingly, I’ve become more relaxed and used to dressing as Nicole around them. They weren’t exciting me as usual.

With the waist cinch and the dress on, I appeared better dressed than I had earlier in the day. One of the agreements we had for the night was someone was always to remain at the table watching our purses and drinks.

We had gone down to Mia’s apartment and were joined by Eryn and Megan. All three giggled as we hug, “You look ready Nicole. Two weeks to the Spring Fashion Show and I think you’re ahead of the other models. Tonight is important, it gives you a chance to relax in girl mode and allow all this to become a little second nature to you.”

I was glad at least my eyesight hadn’t changed, and that I found all of them attractive. The nice side about not getting aroused was? It was easier to get in conversation and just be special friends instead of sexually distracted.

It was after 9:30 when we first went to Smugglers Inn. I guess the plan was to be there for up to an hour and a half. They were happy to see a group of women, and the people at the door checked IDs for only a sample of us. They knowingly chose the ones’ who had students' IDs out and looked of age. I breathed a sigh of relief as I walked in.

Jan soon had me on the dance floor along with a half-dozen of others. But we soon attracted a group of guys pairing off in twos with our group. We were the third set of women to be asked to dance. And instead of trying to argue or explain, I danced with Stu. It was the third song when things slowed down. I was walking off when Al gently tugged at my hand, and nicely said, “Would you please allow me this dance?”

I warned him, I wasn’t a good dancer, but his smile indicated he could handle that. In the middle of the slow dance he raised the hand he was holding and I went with the flow. I turned as I went under and back into his other arm. Megan’s words echoed in thought, ‘It gives you a chance to relax in girl mode…’ Al was a third-year student, in mathematics. He would like to teach at the high school level but confesses the pay was better elsewhere.

It was after our second dance that I returned to our women’s tables. I got teased about attracting men. Going to a women’s restroom where one had to wait to use a toilet, was different for me. Listening to three women getting graphic about how they sized up the men were different as well. Connie laughed at Judith, “Why did you waste your time doing that? Who of the large group of women do you find to your liking?”

“Hush,” said Judith, “one of them is in here and another might be a man out for the evening.”

I was put back together and came out of my toilet stall. Judith turned and apologized for speaking about us. She asked, “Could I make it up to you by buying your next drink?”

I thought to myself, ‘I’m not into talking in here. If you’d like to dance or visit at my table; we can talk about that when I’m back there.’ I was nervous as I checked and refreshed my makeup. By the time I was finished, they had already left the women’s room. I spoke to Lexi once I was back at the table.

Lexi smiled, “I wonder if she was feeling you out? If she thinks you’re one of us, you better be careful or you could lose your panties and secret. It could be that they’re looking for the girly-man to help one of them have a baby.”

Mia and I were talking, when Al came and asked me to dance. I was ready to say ‘no’, when Mia spoke up, “You could use a little more socializing.” I reached my hand up, and taking hold of Al’s hand didn’t feel bad. I liked hearing he wasn’t out to get serious with anyone. We were finishing our third dance when he kissed me on the cheek.

When we went back to my table, I invited him to sit with us. Which I didn’t think he would, but he did. I found myself pressed to make conversation with a guy. I thought of my sister Rachel and it came to mind to ask him if he preferred dogs or cats. It got several at the table into the discussion.

Al finally said, why don’t we just change subjects and have another dance. It was as we were dancing, that Judith from earlier in the evening cut in to dance with me. I knew after the dance that I was done with her. I didn’t have a reason other than I wasn’t comfortable. Lexi later told me, that’s always a good reason to go with.

She said, “I think you have done quite a bit today. Even with only a little to drink it is probably wise to call an end to the night out.”

Melanie complained as we got up, “I haven’t gotten to dance with you yet.” With that, she quickly took my hand and led me to the dance floor. It was a slow dance and near the end, when she asked, “Did they give you a sedative or what?”

It was then I understood about the sedative I was given earlier in the evening. Lexi giggled as well as apologized as we were riding back. “Kayla must have thought you understood. We didn’t want you to get embarrassed by getting aroused at the wrong time. It wouldn’t be very woman-like.”

Tonight I showered and was given a nightgown from Lexi. I don’t think it was planned that I would sleep with Lexi but I did kiss her when she was close and things progressed from there in her room. While Alexis was the one I felt the most attraction to from the beginning. Now as Nick/Nikki didn’t feel like the right time to make it known. I found myself apologizing to Lexi while getting excited one more time.

Lexi laughed, “No apology needed, I am just happy that I can make out with Nick even if Nicole is the one I’m kissing.” As we were progressing, she said, “Everything is safe as I’m on a different pill.” She giggled, “That is the first time I felt a need to say it to a woman.”

I wore a pair of designer jeans that with a little help I was comfortable that Nick would remain unseen.

It was noon when as Nick I emerged back to my apartment and then back to work at the mall. The mall was relatively slow as the weather outside turned bad. I made a requested visit to Macy’s, Maurice’s, and Claire’s. Others needed to help me pick jewelry, fashions, and more shoes for the Spring Fashion Show. Macy’s and Forever 21 both promised to have shoes in my width come to the fashion show. It meant that word was leaking out, and they, the others, thought it would increase the interest in their spring show.

If Sunday proved to be a slow day at the mall, I was encouraged to come prepared to try on some clothes from Macy’s, Maurice’s, and Von Maur’s. I had called Lexis’ near the end of my Saturday shift and asked for her help the next day.

I make a second call to my sister Rachel, after saying hi, I said, “It has happened.”

I can hear the joyful surprise in Rachel’s voice, “You’ve been outed and the world has come to an end?” She paused, “You don’t seem to be overly worried or crushed by this.”

I joyfully say, “But I do have a surprise for you… I fell in love with one of the students helping me.”

She asks, “Is it the one with brains and beauty or the one who had hidden the fact she was taken with you also?”

I questioned her about the second person, I was sure she wouldn’t have guessed because I hadn’t known it. Rachel says, “You call her by two names.”

I think, ‘Alexis and Lexi,’ but how did she know. I said, “Alexis and Lexi, but how did you know?”

Rachel said, “I sensed it early on, but I didn’t want to influence things one way or the other. You now need to take the time and just enjoy it for the moment. Sometime after the fashion show, you two can see if anything comes from your initial attraction. I wish you well. Does she look anything like Jamie?”

Jamie was a girl that I was in love with in my junior year in high school. I didn’t see any significant resemblance.

Brock was gone to Minnesota or I would have told him my secret. I laugh to myself knowing he wouldn’t have believed me when I first told him.=^_^=
Come Monday morning my world started to reshape itself. I was up early enough to have breakfast with Lexi and Jan. It was the first time Dolan saw me up early for breakfast. Seeing I’m with Jan and Lexi, he jokes that I’m finally developing a social life. He’s the one who tells Brock that I have a girlfriend.

We a fair size university of 30,000 plus students so that one guy is to be in a fashion show is of little to no significance to most. Going down to Lexi’s suite Tuesday afternoon to change and be Nicole going down to supper is a big thing to me. If more than a handful of people knew or cared who I was, I probably would have been fooling myself. It was Karaoke night at one spot and Jan, Lexi and I made a brief appearance as a group of women singers. We began singing Wannabe as the Spice Girls and two other women joined us to be the group of five. While I was probably the weakest of the five, Lexi and the one calling herself Sugar said I did well. I had changed after supper into a sequin skater dress that lent itself to singing as a group of girls.

I didn’t know until after we were done that Eryn was there and videoed my little performance….

To be continued…

Supposedly it was only done for review purposes to help me take the rough edges off of my performance. The following Tuesday we practiced again; changes in my makeup, movement, and voice improvements were all noticeable.

Come Saturday the first portion of my paid work time was given over to a dress rehearsal for the fashion show. One of the larger unoccupied stores was used for practice. I was given a small space to change that was poorly portioned away from other female models. I would make five changes involving clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, and hair. Ms. Jansen unveiled the outfit she was having me use and Eryn and Melanie who was with me Oued and aahed over the selection. Ms. Robbins’ from Macy’s made a last-minute change of the dress I was to wear for them. Dorie Adams from my store was more than pleased as I wore three shoes from our store. One each with a selection from Maurice’s and Forever 21.

I finished my workday as Nicole wearing leggings and a knee-length skirt outfit. Lexi was able to help me with my change of outfit, makeup, and hair for work. Some news video was taken during our dress rehearsal, and one three-minute interview with one newswoman. The one broadcast I saw, had me with a three-word response and one visual of me in one dress.

It was Sunday and Wednesday’s worktime when I heard from a number of customers visiting the store. More than one didn’t believe that I was really the person to model as Nicole from our store. Tuesday’s practice began after my 3 o’clock class. I would do my changeover at Lexi’s and Candace her other suite-mate made sure she was around to see the changeover.

I had done a full-body shave the night before, so the sensation of stockings, panties, and a skirt with a bra and camisole under my light sweater-blouse all had an amplified effect. My karaoke performance as Stevie Nicks had drawn a good crowd.

My big surprise came with a warning Thursday night when Rachel called me to say she was coming to see the fashion show and that my mother was coming with her. Lexi and Kayla had already arranged a salon appointment for me on Friday after class. One or both of them had already talked to Rachel and then my Mother. They had already seen pictures of me, without my knowing.

Ms. Jansen from Forever 21 was the first to insist on the salon trip. It would include hairstyling, a pedicure, manicure, and false eyelashes. While the eyelashes were not terribly long they were very noticeable. It made such a change I was now more delighted than nervous to see Mom and Rachel. Lexi was with us at my choosing. I knew I would not be able to explain everything they would want to know.

We were probably ten minutes into eating our meals when my mom caught Lexi by surprise. “Can you honestly tell me that you’re attracted to my son as Nicole?”

“Mom!’ was my response. “Mother!” was Rachel’s.

Lexi was definitely caught by surprise, but I love her response, “Mrs. Strayer, I’m not sure as a mom you really want to hear all I could say. But yes, I have fallen for Nick, and if I have my way Nicole will not go away tomorrow.”

Mother said, “To be honest with you, I wouldn’t want her gone before a good mother-daughter time either.”

It was Rachel, after we finished dinner and talking said, insisted we all need to use the women’s room to freshen our looks. She whispers, “Nicole, you do need to wash your hands and check your makeup.” It felt awkward for Nick to use the women’s room at the same time as my mother.

Lexi and I were staying at Kayla’s apartment to help with taking care of my hair to sleep and helping me to get ready in the morning.

Ms. Hanna Robbins from Macy’s insisted I come in a little before other models to make sure my breast forms would allow appropriate outfits or dresses to show some cleavage. She assured me and others it would be within good taste. Lexi and Kayla helped me to be presented appropriately. That Hanna Robbins would probably only giving the formal okay. While my breasts presented well, Hanna said I needed to be in the proper makeup for being under the lights and professional photographers.

Hanna and Ms. Jansen had been thinking so far ahead that my toes were painted the correct color for my open-toe dress shoes and sandals. I was the first woman model of the show, but it was not made known I was a man. Several customers of Hers and His Shoes had figured out by my second or third change and were applauding and calling my feminine name. Two even said, “I want you to serve me the next time Nicole!”

The special outfit of Forever 21 was my fourth change and I could hear the opinions of women in the audience. They generally were very favorable. It was as I was walking back that the announcer said, please give Nicolaus Strayer a good round of applause. She models as Nicole Magers; we are told her mother and sister Rachel might recognize her family name from two generations ago.

I hear the people’s applause become louder as I walk off the stage and Ms. Jansen speaks to me, “Why don’t you turn and acknowledge their approval with a wave?” I turned and curtsied as I didn’t dare lift my head and look at the crowd.

Ms. Jansen complimented me, “I guess that is just as good and more appropriate for whom you are.”

I approach Ms. Hanna Robbins and she’s telling me there’s a change, “The dress you were going to wear has been changed. We want you to wear one of our new prom gowns instead.” I’m soon down to my panty and put on a dressing gown. They need to quickly change my makeup. I’m given a skull cap for a wig and my earrings are taken out. A bra that remains open in the front is put on me. The new gown is open in the front just to the bottom of my breasts. The satin around my body feels fantastic as does the lacework in front down to my waist. Lexi acted as the dresser who put on my stockings, that too felt especially nice.

Lexi says, “They want you to try on four-inch heels, but they’ll be changed if it is too much.” The shoes are opened toed and I see how beautiful they look as Carrie helps to put them on. Carrie extends one hand and Lexi has my other arm as I’m to stand.

Yes, the one-inch difference feels very different, but Mia had me try a pair the other week, just in case. I turned to Ms. Hanna Robbins, “This is not fair to change things so drastically.”

She quickly says, “Please don’t make a scene? If we need to we can make the needed changes.”

My response is, “I think we need earrings and I need to see myself.” The Hillsdale Jewelers had a beautiful pair of chandelier earrings. I walked to the full-length mirror and lifted my hands toward my face as I was in awe of my appearance. I was not ready to look like a beautiful princess.

Jennifer one of the other models was on before me and I was happy that Forever 21 had her looking fantastic as well. I watched her walk out and listened to them describe all she was wearing. Jennifer Morran was a junior and I recognized her as one of Melanie’s friends. She was handed a scroll that they announced her winning a two thousand dollar scholarship. I was awaiting her as she came through the opening in the curtains. She had tears in her eyes and opened her arms for a hug. She did not fully hug me, and the kiss was an air kiss.

Ms. Robbins stepped in front of me smiled as the gown’s appearance hadn’t changed. She did use a makeup brush against my cheeks and nose. “Thank you,” she said, “You are as pretty as Jennifer.” It caused me to smile as the curtains spread for me to walk through,

Stepping up onto the runway, I used the steady support of someone at the steps. I was steady and still as my name was announced and I began my walk. People seemed unsure that it was me. I paused slightly wondering if I made a mistake, “Go ahead,” I heard a voice, “You only look different.” I stepped again and was walking as they told me about the gown, even that I was wearing a debutante bra with silk stockings. “Nicole has worn neither before though she must have worn similar high heels before.” My hands gesture to the bracelet, and necklace though I had not remembered them being put on. The diamond earrings are described as something a young woman may want to rent instead of buy. Out of nowhere I hear a fan and feel a gush of air hit my legs sending my skirt up into the air. All I could think of was famous photos of a famous actress holding her skirt down. “Oh no! Not me!”

Someone yelled smile, and I looked in the direction of the request. “Great shot!” The noise of the fan blower and the wind stopped. I smoothed out my skirt and faked a smile to regain my composure.

“Give her a hand ladies and gentleman for how she handled that.” There was applause as I walked back and was glad as I knew I had successfully completed the show. Well, that wasn’t true; there were two models after me and then we all would walk back out for the finale.

I would never have gone to a fashion show, but being caught up in one was exciting. I watch the two professional models showing the final two outfits. I even felt like I could follow the descriptions and got excited to consider the beautiful gowns and their accessories. The last model came back and then the two of them led us out on the runway.

It was not the roar of an athletic event, but there was a joy of an inspiring event that the audience and participants were all caught up in. We were all out near the end of the runway as the crowd stood and applauded. I looked and found my mother, Rachel, with Kayla and other friends, but it was my married sister Susanne Williams who surprised me with her presence. I had considered kneeling down and stepping off the platform to go to them but we were two steps up and commonsense won out. I was in a dress and there was no comfortable way to get to them.

Walking back, I found that where we had changed was once again part of the functioning store and we were instructed to walk back to the women’s changing rooms. Lexi soon found me, and said, “Let me help you to change as quickly as possible. There is a sizeable group of family and well-wishers wanting to greet you.”

The cake makeup for the models was different and took more time and effort to change over. Macy’s had a makeup specialist who helped. Most of the other models were comfortable the brief time they were down to their panty and bra. Thankfully, Alexis quickly had a skirt for me to step into. She had me standing looking away from the others as she helped take off the one bra and wrapped my breasts in a precious peach bra. The blouse was one I wore for the fashion show. Lexi said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I selected this as one of your free choices. You’re getting the skirt as well, but you can wear that another time.”

I asked, “What about the panties and stockings?”

Lexi giggled, “They’re from Victoria’s and Pink. They’re not taking them back, so they’re yours.”

I had stepped into the shoes I came in. Going down two inches was a breeze in walking. “Sit Nicole, and I’ll use a foundation to give me a smooth canvas in doing your makeup.”

‘Here I am a college freshman, a guy, and what she was saying made sense to me. Yikes.’ I turned to Lexi, “Would it be okay if we just left out the back? I feel like I might freak out.”

I don’t know where Rachel came from, but she said, “No, take some panting breaths and let yourself relax… You did wonderful little brother. Now you can relax and enjoy the moment with the rest of us. We are all jealous of what you did.”

Lexi pulls me up and over to a mirror where I see the image I know to be Nicole. The show is over, but I look like I’m stepping out of a fashion magazine. Rachel and Lexi each have an arm or hand and are leading me to the group of others. There are women, I don’t recognize congratulating and praising me as well as customers that I can identify. There’s my mother and another sister, my college friends. I’m wondering where are my guy friends? They’re not part of this part of my life.

Another breath and I am submerged in Nicole’s world and it feels great. There are three people talking to me, and I’m intently listening. Mom gives a hug from one side, and Susanne is hugging from the other direction. Oh, Nicole! You were marvelous. We need to talk.”

I knew her breasts were pressing against me and there was this space. She was giggling as I began to. Lexi and Kayla were directing a picture to be taken of my sisters, mother, and me. “Smile. One more.” I was signing programs, Nicole Magers or Nicole Strayer.

It was mid-afternoon and we selected one eatery as a place to gather at. I was starving, but it was pastries and pies that we were choosing from. The table in front of me has pulled away, so we could visit in a larger circle. I have a piece of pastry and a cup of tea that I am balancing on my lap and a napkin. If I were a young lady I might be impressed with myself. Strangely enough, I am enjoying the moment. It was almost three o’clock and it is now after five and we need to make way for the early dinner crowd.

Mom and my sisters have a suite of rooms and I’m supposed to be staying with them. Lexi hands me an overnight bag and two hangers of clothes that are for me to change into. Rachel has one small piece of luggage. Later I find out it is my makeup and toiletries from Lexi. I get to shower and freshen up, but they won’t let me take a needed nap. I am not a coffee fan, but Susanne has made a cup of espresso I’m to drink to stay awake.

Susanne and the others are amused to hear my story of practicing and becoming Nicole for the fashion show. It is my voice and gestures as well as being dressed as Nicole that impresses them. I know tonight I’m their sister and daughter.

Somehow it is Rachel and me who share the room with two queen-size beds. Her nighttime routine of taking off makeup, moisturizing skin, becomes mine. I have a nightgown and a hotel robe to go back and visit with Mom and Susanne. Mom has used the small liquor bottles to make each of us a drink. Whatever it is, it has a sweet taste as well as being a strong drink that I’m to sip.

Mom begins, “This is as close to a vagina talk you are likely to get from us, Nicole. You have done too well today that this is not part of you. Words to the contrary will need to be more than said. If you’re even in part a Mager or Strayer woman; you need to know being so is more than a skirt and appearance”

I respond, “You don’t really think this is who I am?”

Susanne giggles, “I have my own announcement and there is part of me wanting another sister sometimes. My news is, come August you’ll have a niece or nephew.”

I’m not sure why, but I confessed to liking to be Nicole. That as Nicole I had made friends and been much more active. Mom wondered aloud about my studies, but academically I was doing as fine if not better than I did in the first semester.

Sunday morning we had gone to breakfast and I was presenting as Nicole when my phone rang. I pressed to answer but stayed quiet as I was not wanting to answer as Nick out in public. There was a moment and then I heard Dorie’s voice. “I know I said you can have the day off because of family. But I was wondering if you might come in for two hours; we have numerous customers asking about you. I did say you might be stopping in sometime today.”

I asked, “Did you suggest 1-3, usually our slowest hours?” It was presently 10:30 a.m. “And are you wanting Nicole or Nick?”

Dorie says, “It sounds like you are out as Nicole, so would that be easier on you?”

My mother had whispered, “Noon to two would be preferable. We need to leave around 1 o’clock but we’d be interested in seeing you at the store…”

“Ms. Roberts, would noon to two p.m. be okay? My family will be there part of the time, if that isn’t okay I should tell them…” Dorie Roberts handed me copies of the fashion show program I could sign if people wanted my signature.

We finished eating, and I thought my Mom and sisters were shopping quickly, but they had bought undergarments for me, three pairs of panties, and a bra. The embarrassing part was workers at Victoria’s recognizing me.

Carrie announces my arrival at Hers and His Shoes. A college student looks at me and then my family and her eyes are going back and forth. “I guess, I see why you look as well as you do.”

I look and respond, “Thanks, yes, they’re family.”

Steph introduces herself, “I was wondering if you could help me try these shoes or have other suggestions?”

Her foot looked a little smaller than average, it was 6 ½ and slender. I needed to know if they were for something special or every day. These were every day, but she was looking for heels for a special date. She had a picture of her in the dress. Seeing her and the dress I showed her three shoes, and from that she chose two to try on in black or white. I brought out one of the shoes in silver and that was the shoe she chose.

I talked to many customers over the two hours. Two customers along with Dorie and Carrie agreed that I had changed in my knowledge of women and shoes over the past month. Steph Johnson would not only become a repeat customer but a new friend.

My Mom and sisters encouraged me not to sign up to live in a dormitory the following year but seek to rent an apartment with friends. I agreed about the apartment, but I disagreed that my feminine side would be ongoing. “I’ll be taking the girl's clothes home and we can either sell them or give them away.”

Mom says, “You’re not getting rid of them as long as they fit and look nice on you. You need more practice in doing things yourself.”

During the next week, I got a call from Bridgette, the LGBT consortium was having a meeting; I resisted but then agreed to go. Bridgette says, “I’ve been approached by family and friends that suggest you should have a hormone blocker to give you time and room to think about your transgender identity. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I do want you to know I’d go with you to a doctor’s appointment if that would help.”

Before I would have been greatly agitated if someone said anything like that. Today. It has me thinking.

With Lexi’s agreement, I changed in her room to go to the meeting. It also meant riding the campus bus system to where the meeting us. Seeing a familiar face in Raelyn as well as Bridgette was comforting. There are almost twenty there already and I’m told there will be close to forty by meeting time. But then again, I’m told there are hundreds of us in the university and more in the community.

The meeting and social time are breaking up when Raelyn approaches and asks, “What did you think of the meeting and being here?”

I know I became a little emotional as Raelyn squeezed my hand. “I’ve resisted admitting I belong here. I still see myself as Nick.”

She says, “You know Kayla and others care about you and are worried.” She asks if it is okay to hug me. Doing so, she whispers, “Some of the pressures and stigma we face can get to us. We don’t want you carrying things alone. I appreciated you being nice at the shoe store. If I can be there for you, I’d be honored.”

It was a little spooky but comforting as she spoke to deeper feelings and thoughts I had as Nicole inside.

That night was the first time I went back to my room, comfortable being Nikki. I knew Dolan wasn’t happy and Brock was upset when he learned I was the student who modeled as a woman at the fashion show. Came back to the room as Nicole caused a temporary explosion, but we’re still roommates.

Brock said, “I have problems with you coming back dressed like this.”

“I told you earlier this week that I was in the Spring Fashion Show at the Mall. And you acknowledged it was a girl thing. This wasn’t the first time they had a guy model as a woman. And I told you my fun with Lexi wasn’t what you thought. Even my mother and sisters were here this weekend. If they’re alright with this being me; I don’t see why you should mind?”

Brock said, “They’re not a guy sharing a suite here with you.”

“I shared a suite with them at the hotel,” informed Nick.

I went to my room and began to change over when Lexi came up to see me. Brock quizzed her, “Did you help Nick in his changeover? I can’t believe a good-looking woman like you would like that.”

Lexi responded, “Were you surprised by how good she looks? I hope it doesn’t shake you, he’s still quite a guy. You probably won’t believe the number of women he’s impressed?”

She guessed which my room was, she’s outside my closed door, knocked, and slipped in. I was in my bathroom starting to remove my makeup. She asks, “So how did your meeting go?”

I was embarrassed to acknowledge that I belonged there. I know it was foolish and
my eyes are red as I sit down to talk to her. “I can’t believe that I admitted to strangers that I should be there. I’m not fully a woman, but I like being one. I thought Nicole would end with the fashion show but she hasn’t. I liked my time with you both as Nick and as Nicole…”

Lexi interrupted, “As did I with you; I think you’re a package deal. Like you, I feel a need to take time, but I don’t want you to disappear. None of us knew exactly when things changed but I’m sure Kayla, Raelyn, Jan… and well, I guess most if not all of us.” She smiles, “Most of all we were happy that your mom and sisters accepted you.”

It wasn’t planned but Lexi joined me in the shower. We slept together and except for a second shower and a change of fresh panties Lexi left as she came, but early in the morning.

I returned to dressing as Nick and resumed my classes as a student. It was nice to have a week that was kind of back to my old normal. It felt good for my male persona to come forward. I have occasionally worn a camisole or panty while presenting as Nick.

Lexi and I have been going out together more regularly, but not always as Nick. The outfit I got modeling proved a good choice to wear at the Easter Service. I went with Lexi. Easter weekend, Jan and Candace were both gone for the holiday. I took off from work on Sunday presented myself as Nicole and stayed with Lexi.

Lexi worked on helping me to learn better to do my own makeup and hair. It was nice when I got compliments on how I looked and that it was something I had done. Coming out of the church we met another college student. She said, “Am I odd if I don’t want to eat alone today?”

It was a not-so-subtle indication that she hoped we could go eat together. Lexi was the first to give in. “We’d love to go eat, I’m Lexi Newbury, and this is Nicole Strayer, I mean Nicole Mager.”

The other student said, “I’m Lyn Miller. I’m sorry if I seem nosey, but I thought you might be Nicole from the fashion show. I would appreciate eating together. I’m far from home and not used to being alone on holidays.”

We chose an Asian eatery hoping it might not be so full. The wait was probably shorter but Basil’s had a good reputation. The longer we were together the more obvious it was Lyn had more on her mind. I straight out asked, “Lyn is there something more that we’re talking around?”

Lyn is surprised and stumbles over her denial at first, but then, she said, “I know a guy back home who is like you.”

I ask, “Is he someone you just know or someone you like and know well? I am not interested in talking about third parties.”

She said, “That’s it. I thought I knew Brad, but not about him being a woman. I thought it was weird to fall for a boy who likes being pretty. But then I saw you with girlfriends.”

I said, “If you’re embarrassed about what others might think, it won’t work and you’d not be that big of a friend.”

Lyn was ready to cry. “Touché,” she eked out.

Lexi broke in, “That’s a little rough Nicole. Neither of us was ready to accept at first what was happening with you.” She turns to Lyn, “But ultimately Nicole’s right, you need to come to terms for both yourself and your friend.”

“We find Nick and Nicole more complete as a person. He doesn’t fit many labels, but he’s someone easy for a woman to talk with and confide in.”

Lyn says, “That’s the way I and several girls felt when we were in high school. But I’m not sure how to talk to Britany?”

Lexi suggested, “If you have her number, why not call her now while you have our encouragement?”

Lyn blushed upon hearing the idea. But she took out her phone checked her contacts and pressed call. “Brad, this is your friend Lynette Miller. Yeah, out in Iowa. I was wondering if I could talk to Britany. …Yes, I heard; I’m sorry it took me this long to call.”

Britany was amused that Lyn found another person like her, yet different. Brit wasn’t in denial as long as I had been. She knew and accepted this part of her/him at twelve. She/he started to come out as a high school senior but with very checkered results, including a hospitalization. Being transgender Brit didn’t feel she fit into the straight or gay world very well.

It was only after, Lyn’s long conversation during our meal, that we got to talk with Lyn. We learned she and Brad had been best friends and their falling out. The two of them going to different universities seemed one way to handle it. Lyn says, “We now need to figure out what to do and if one moving to the other university might be part of the solution.”

“Taking one day at a time sounds best, but is not easy in this day and time,” said Lyn. “I’m not a patient person. We’ll probably both end up going home for the summer and figure more things out in person.”

It was interesting talking about a person like me. It was a reminder, I’m my own person. I spent the next two weeks with Lexi or Kayla going to classes and living as Nicole.

Ironically to me, is that we went window shopping and bought nothing.

The only thing new was my meeting with Psychologist Jenesse Frecone. Who told me, “It looks like some new friends helped draw out a part that was already in you. You need to give yourself some room and time to find yourself. It would probably be good if you came presenting yourself as Nicole one of the next two times.”

I, Nicole, was walking out of Communications class when Shannon a classmate commented to me. “I mean this in a positive way that I think I’d like to become a friend. You are attractive both as Nick and Nicole, partly because you seem to be two different people.”

On a nice spring day, we took time to walk the central campus, sat, and talked. One of the starting points for the conversation was how different Nicole and Nick are, yet complimented and filling out my personality.

Shannon said, “Nick is more reflective when I hear from him in class. I think he’s shier. Whereas Nicole you seem more outgoing and upfront with what you think.”

I said, “I think part of that reflects the women who helped me to come out and become visible. It has barely been four months; it’s like I’m a young plant blossoming for the first time. Nick has a history, where I feel like I’m writing my life on a new tablet.”

Turning the conversation around I asked if she was a sociology or psychology major. She laughed as she was a psychology major. “Please, don’t worry, I am neither analyzing nor trying to fix you. I just find you interesting and attractive.”

We were about to go our separate ways when my sister Rachel called, and I took the call. “Hi, little brother, I was thinking of you last night and again today, so I thought to give you a call. Is there anything interesting going on?”

When I told her I was making my way back to my dorm; she questioned me. “I thought your last class was three hours ago?”

“It was,” I said, “But it’s an enjoyable spring day; can’t a person just take one’s time making their way home?”

Rachel said, “Excuse me, you should have told me you’re with someone. I will call you later.” With that, she ended the call.

Shannon said, “Your sister must know you fairly well.

“Before we go different ways, I was wondering if it would be alright to share our contact information. I’d like to see you again.” We exchanged information as I liked having a new friend apart from the general group of women that I knew.

Mom called that Friday morning, “You need to call Mr. Dobbs this morning if you want your summer job. He wants you in the accounting section to cover for those going on vacation, job changes, or training. He said, he sent you an email and that he needs an answer today.”

I had a good summer job lined up with John Deere’s Dubuque operations. My mother was an analyst in their testing and quality control area. I helped with covering office workers the year before and was invited back this year in accounting. My email showed that one from John Deere went into spam for some reason.

“Mom, I want the job, but what about my identity and my appointments here with Psychologist Jenesse Frecone?”

“I asked Mr. Dobbs, ‘If he ever had a transgender worker?’ He said, ‘The company has but he hasn’t. He said he’s a tough boss, which isn’t usually the case. I suspect he’s sending the message that the worker has to do well.”

I called Mr. Dobbs at 9:05, and we reached an agreement about my summer job. Now the question was about my going home, and my family’s reaction…

Lexi didn’t say it, but her roommate Jan gave me a ‘heads-up’ that Lexi questioned my new friendship with Shannon.

Alexis and I talked; she knew my making new friends was inevitable. Our relationship deepened, if that was possible, with more romance with limited sex. An ISU AfterDark event allowed our group to celebrate and everyone let down their hair. We participated in karaoke, improv, and it gave Nick the chance to be a comedian in drag. Kayla, Mia, and Lexi had worked up an improv sketch that pulled me into their play. Embarrassing yes, but way more fun.

The university is about academics and the end of the semester and the first year were demanding. My study group was instrumental in coaching good study habits. My friendship with Shannon led to a second study group that included her friend John Davis. He was a scholarship athlete that she had a responsibility to mentor. While spoiled, he had a decent head on his shoulders. Shannon’s charm and expertise helped him to be one of the examples of a good student-athlete. Studying together helped him and me to obtain a B+ and Shannon to ace the course.

Ending up with a 3.28 grade point average for my freshman year, however, but a measure of my growth. I was just as excited and scared about returning home and my summer job as I had been when I came to campus in August…

To be continued…

The last week before the final exams was wonderful for Lexi and me. The only hard part was going different ways. She was going back to Hastings, Nebraska and I lived at the east edge of Iowa near Dubuque.

We planned a party the day after my last final exam, but each person packed up exhausted as soon as they could. Kayla moved into a 4-plex that four of us would share come the new school year. I helped Kayla with the move and left some of my things there as well.

My Dad had come to help me move things home. He was wanting to meet Nicole, so he and my Mom drove two vehicles. They were there at 9:30 in the morning and we were to move the bed and dresser to Kayla’s new apartment. Dad was not only impressed with me as Nicole. He said, “We’re not moving a makeshift bed of two-by-fours for a young woman. You’ve grown up on a dairy farm, but that’s no reason to reflect it in your new apartment.”

We took the dress of drawers with other things to the new apartment. Mom and Kayla met as old friends and Dad was quickly awestruck that I had such a good friend. Kayla assured him that our whole group was quite normal.

Dad commented, “You call my son, quite normal?”

Kayla commented, “It takes time to realize it, but she/he is quite normal.”

We went online a bought a full-size bed to be delivered Saturday to Kayla’s apartment and to be set up. We treated Kayla to lunch and then headed home.

It was back to a world where Nick was from, but not Nicole.

My father, Melvin, and oldest brother Lewis run our dairy farm. Both my Dad and brother do custom farming for others. Lewis and Haley live on the homestead and have a one-year-old daughter Macey. Our new was built the summer before my sophomore year of high school and the home is three miles east of our old home on Highway 3, closer to Dubuque.

Rachel will be a senior at the University of Northern Iowa majoring in education and hoping to be certified in history and sociology. I think her classroom experience will happen this fall. She should have found out where she would be teaching but as yet had not told me.

My brother Ken lives with two friends and works for DNR, the Department of Natural Resources. He works mainly in Dubuque County but is also part of a larger district in northeast Iowa. I’m told, he finally has a girlfriend, who he takes more seriously.

Susanne (Strayer) and Marcus Williams, my older sister and brother-in-law live west of Chicago in Cortland, Ill. Marcus is a bio-chemist for DeKaalb Genetics. They already have two children Kaylene, 3, and Aaron, 1. Susanne and Rachel already know and accept me as Nicole.

I had planned to change back to Nick once I got home. I knew Rachel had already been home two days and would be there. But I was caught by surprise to see Ken’s pickup truck and Lewis’ extended cab. Haley was even out on the porch with their daughter Macey and our dog Scout.

I wanted to see everyone, but I planned to do it first as Nick and show them pictures of me as Nicole. Haley and I met each other at Dubuque Homestead High School. She was a year ahead of me in school and just over a year younger than Lewis and Rachel.

She did this thing of walking up to me, taking my hands, and stepping back, “My girl, you make a pretty one of us. But then again you looked more like Rachel than Ken or Lewis.” She puts Macey in my arms and comments, “Even Macey takes to you more as a girl.”

I am muttering that I had wanted to change and present myself as Nick. Ken who was the biggest of us siblings, “Don’t bother, just be glad that you are presentable. I can’t believe that my brother went back to college in January and here it is May and I have another sister.” He paused, “So if you had to bet on it, which of you is going to stay in the long run?”

Lewis and Rachel are the last two coming out of the house. One’s saying, “It better be Nick!” And Rachel’s saying, “Nicole, she already has an apartment with her girlfriends.”

We’ve made it to the porch, but we’re still outside when another car drives into the property. I have three close friends Carl, Mike, and Stephanie, Who it is likely to be? I don’t recognize the car. I’m praying it is someone else that I don’t know.

The person who pops out of the Camaro is Stephanie, and she has her phone positioned like a camera. “Cynthia wants me to take a picture and send it to her. She said you two have not bumped into each other on campus.” Cyndi as I know her was accepted to ISU as an engineering major. She wants to be a metallurgist, though I don’t quite know what that is. We graduated together but weren’t close.

Steph ran up to me and hugged me, “I’m the one who should be in the skirt, but you’re welcome to it. You do look nice.”

Rachel and Haley inform everyone there is a meal of hamburgers, brats, and more in the house. My brothers, Dad, Mom, and I bring my things into the house. Everyone helps themselves and instead of eating around the dining table, we eat informally around the living room and dining area.

Steph informs me that Carl and Mike will be around in the morning, hoping they’ll see Nick before they meet Nicole. She said, “There are enough pictures shared via phones, tablets, and social media, no one should be seeing you for the first time.”

Dad, Lewis, and Ken for some reason went to the dairy farm at Lewis’.

Mom, Haley, Rachel, Steph, and I stayed and little Macey was with us. Somehow it was different from my girlfriends on campus. Here we had a history, and as Nicole, I was kind of the new one to the group yet they knew me. We talked as women of other girls and guys like them. Steph asked about a friend and classmate, Randy. She said, “Did you know him as a big jerk, who thought he was god’s gift to women?”

I knew him as a quiet guy who was kind of a loner. Seemingly, he had gone to a junior college over sixty miles away and passed himself off as a lady’s man. But got himself in trouble when he couldn’t accept rejection. I guess it was passed over as a one-time problem until it happened again. His trial will come up next month.

Mom mentioned it and Steph and Haley were both in agreement; that neither I, Nick, or Nicole, should be going to many places where I could be caught alone. I became angry and my voice broke, “That has nothing to do with me or people who are different. He’s a heterosexual for crying out loud. Why don’t we use a broad brush and paint the problem with them?”

An evening would regularly end there for Nick, but Steph and Rachel came to my room to help me unpack and to see my clothes. Haley would have stayed, except Macey was already past bedtime. That Haley was comfortable nursing Macey in my presence was a little different.

When Steph was ready to leave, we took some time alone to visit. She said, “I suspect you are already aware that your speech is changing and you’re more like another girlfriend?”

It felt strange hearing it from Steph, but it was already something I had heard from Lexis, Kayla, and other friends.

Come morning I was up early for a good homecooked breakfast. I had showered last night and again this morning trying to change over to being Nick. I wore an old pair of jeans, an undershirt, and a short-sleeved work shirt. Nick was very visible, but my skin complexion and hair looked too good for the average guy, especially a guy on a farm.

Monday, I was scheduled to meet with Mr. Dobbs, regarding my summer job and determine how I would present myself. We had previously determined I was to meet him as Nick. I was to show him some pictures of me as Nicole.

Mom and I were talking about my going back to work there and how I might consider going about things. The general consensus of the family was I might do better in being Nick and if needed take the weekends to be Nicole if I felt the need. “Your father seeing you yesterday; was not so sure this morning if that would work. He wants you to know if need be you could pass by the job and work here on the farm.”

“I think you should meet with Mr. Dobbs, and try to get some experience in your major. If it doesn’t work out, well and good.”

Sure enough, ten o’clock came and Carl and Mike drove up into the property. We quickly met and hugged. Carl was the first to notice, “You’re getting soft, tell us it’s not true?” I took them with me into the machine shed as I wanted to see the used Ford Focus my folks had gotten for me to use.

We went riding around in the car, and Mike was teasing me by flipping my hair. “This is a little long for you isn’t it?” I tried slapping his hand away.

“It’s pretty common at college; you two have been going to college, you know that.”

“Yeah, but it’s not so well taken care of,” Carl said. “You haven’t gone to a salon as Nicole have you?”

I told them the story of the friends I made and getting recruited for the fashion show. They laughed. I had already messaged about it, but telling them in person got them laughing. We went to Eagle Point Park overlooking the Mississippi River. Finally, I gave in and showed them pictures of me as Nicole.

Mike said, “Hey dude, I’d take you out on a date if I wasn’t afraid of being typed cast.”

Carl was the first to suggest, “What if the four of us went out, Steph and you as girls and Mike and I?”

Carl had messaged Steph, she and a friend Jess were on their way to see us in the park. We all met and visited. It was arranged we meet for tacos at Steph’s and go out together for the evening. There was a dance spot on the west side of the city. Steph insisted I wear the skater dress she helped me unpack the day before.

Jenn and her friend Lace were at Steph’s as well. Tavian was invited by Mike and Carl. Most of us wouldn’t be drinking but both Lace and Tavian were of age to order drinks if desired. Rachel and two of her friends decided to go to the same place. I’m sure that was out of concern for me.

The teasing I got at Steph’s would prepare me to go out. Luckily Mrs. Reid, Steph’s Mom, was accepting and during our supper, she called the teasing to an end. It was my blueprint skater dress that I was wearing when we went out, it came just to the top of my knees. After the teasing stopped, legit compliments about my appearance and legs were given.

I drove my car to the Reid’s and rode with Steph, Jenn, and Lace. The Dance Palace had an old disco dance floor that had been refurbished. It was cute during the night that a few of Bee Gee’s songs, along with Donna Summers and The Love Unlimited Dance Orchestra, were mixed in with current danceable music. Steph was the first to dance with me. On our second dance, two guys broke in and we each ended up dancing with one of them.

The evening set into a pattern of dancing, singing, and visiting. The three girls were interested in going shopping with me even if it was only window shopping. Steph was more emphatic that I needed a makeover and to find my colors.

Rachel, her friends Silva and Christina did visit. Rachel insisted on me meeting Chris her last name of Dobbs was not mentioned. Later Cyndi Carpenter also met us. Cyndi was the other ISU student from my high school class that I knew at ISU. Cyndi and I both swore we had seen the other but couldn’t remember when or where.

It was Saturday noon that I got a message from Mr. Dobbs, He was pretty certain he’d now wanted to see me in person as Nicole if I was open to it. He had since sent me a cryptic message: ‘My daughter Christina knows your sister Rachel and you at a distance. She said all you Strayers were responsible and well-mannered. She thought you could make a presentable young woman.’ “Come first as Nicole, and I’ll seek to have an open mind. My daughter has been after me to grow a bit. Presently, you are down as Nicolaus, but that would be an easy change if we so agreed.”

I had thought about it for a couple of hours, before replying that I was open to doing that.

Steph as she and Jenn agreed picked me up and we met Jenn at the mall. Sephora had a worker who made the time to fuss over me. She suggested one makeup I had on was not the best color for me. I thought it had worked well, but once Casey got my makeup off. Once she applied another it was easy to see the difference being made. “A white tint is okay for work, especially if you don’t want people making a fuss over you. If you’re out to be seen or to enjoy a night out I’d suggest these colors go well with your complexion and skin tone.”

Steph was the one to speak up, “She’s to go to her grandmother’s tonight and it will be the first time she sees her as Nicole. What would you suggest?”

Casey took a second look at me, “I was wondering, but as we went on… Well, you make a good-looking woman. Are you worried about influencing your grandmother’s acceptance of you?”

I said, “She’s good; it is more that I want to present myself well. We are close, and I want her comfortable with this side of me.”

Casey said, “I’d suggest you buy these and these, and I will give quite a few samples for you to come back if they please you.” She did make up my face for the evening.

I wasn’t planning on buying anything but JC Penney’s was having a good sale. Jenn was the first to suggest they would be good for every day at work or back on campus. When I suggested moving more to slacks or jeans; Jenn was the one who said skirts helped sell my female image.

I ended up buying a blue floral print jacket dress with getting 50% off a peach dress. Similarly, they talked me into getting a yellow skirt and a green skirt the second at 50% off. I got three tops that I was assured were bargains.

Rachel and I went to visit Grandmother Strayer for supper that night. She had moved into her parents’ place after her grandfather Ken died of cancer. The house had been rented for years, but Dad and his side family got it back to looking like Grandma remembered but updated for use today.

Grandma’s first expression had me wondering what she first thought of me. “You make an attractive young woman, but I’m not quick to let go of Nicolaus… You’ve been the baby of the family and I’m not wanting to lose you.”

Grandma had made lasagna, saying “I don’t like making this for one, but hopefully there will be enough left that I can have it again in two days.” She had made her own bread on a baking stone. She had not lost her touch with cooking and was happy we enjoyed it…

To be continued…

I remained as Nicole through the weekend, and with mom and Rachel’s help planned out my wardrobe for the week. That was in case Mr. Dobbs decided I should work the summer as Nicole. Mom doubted that would be the case. I was already prepared for work as Nick.

My alarm rang at 5:30 as suggested to give me plenty of time. Which was good as I decided I needed to shave my legs again. And I wasn’t comfortable in the blouse chosen until I wore a camisole underneath the blouse. I ate a light breakfast and refreshed my look one more time before leaving. Today Mom drove ahead of me to show me the parking area and building that I needed.

It was ten minutes before 8:00 a.m. when I found Mr. Dobbs’ office. Ms. Marge Cooper introduced herself as his secretary/receptionist. “I was told of you, but I still had down that Nick was going to be coming. I know your mother and I must say you have a resemblance to her.”

She had me be seated and called back to Mr. Dobbs. I wasn’t trying to over listen, but I did hear, “Yes, he presents well…” Moments later she told me I could go into meet with him.

Mr. Dobbs was standing behind his desk as he invited me to come in and sit down. I felt a little awkward in sitting before him but hoped it didn’t show. He asked, “Is it okay if I address you like Nicole, or would you rather it be different?”

I said, “Nicole or Nikki, or Ms. Nicole Strayer if it needs to be more formal.”

He asked, “It will say, Ms. Nicole Strayer, on your badge and parking permit if we so decide. I actually have more trouble seeing if you could present yourself a Nicolaus right now. Do you have the needed wardrobe for presenting and working as either? …If we decide it to be as Nicole, I’d give you until Wednesday or Thursday to get ready if need be.”

We got into another conversation that was more important to me handling the various jobs I’d do. After I agreed to work as Nicole; Mr. Dobbs had Ms. Cooper give Nicole a tour of the building and introduced Nicole to the people she would be working for as others took their vacations. Their final stop was to the tech lab, where Chet Sanders was asked to set him up with a laptop computer to use at the various stations.

My tummy was growling as I missed lunch, but I was sent home come two o’clock. Mr. Dobbs then scheduled Nicole to formally begin working on Wednesday. Nicole was to job shadow Mrs. Crest for two days. Friday, Mrs. Crest would start two weeks of vacation, with Nicole being her fill-in.

I felt wonderful that I had a summer job with John Deere and at a good pay rate for a summer job. Then as I drove through the gate and yelled with Nick’s voice the shock set in. My nerves came forward, ‘How am I going to handle working as a young woman for the next ten-twelve weeks?’

It was three o’clock when Nick called and requested his counselor to call him back. He was told the first probability would be at 5:30 near the end of her appointments.

Mom and Rachel had both gotten home and were delightfully surprised that Nicole got and took the job. Rachel said, “I hope you realize what you’ve got yourself in for. Did you really want to commit to 24 hours five days a week?”

“It didn’t hit me,” said Nicole, “until I drove out of the parking area. The people were so accepting, only a few looks wondering what I was doing. …Mom, Ms. Marge Cooper said she knows you well enough that she saw some resemblance to you. I’ve met at least three of the people whose position I’d be covering.”

My mom asked, “Do you realize, this means, we should be shopping for more clothes to wear?” We talked as I thought I had enough. Mom said, “You need to figure at least two outfits a day. That’s a minimum of ten per week. It doesn’t take into account wanting to wear some different things after that.”

Nicole replies, “I’m not like a regular girl, I wouldn’t mind wearing the same clothes two or three days in a row.”

Rachel asked, “Did you do that at the university?”

“I tried,” Nicole said, “but it was either Lexi or Kayla that got on my case. Like you said they even wanted me to change what I was wearing during the day and night. It makes sense for a girl, but I’m a college student trying to save up some money.”

Rachel kind of giggled, “You need enough clothes to get through the next week to ten days. After you get your first paycheck and understand your girl life. You will want to buy other clothes. If you want to buy some jeans or things as Nick to confirm you’re a guy, okay.”

Mom gave us glasses of iced tea, and we got into a regular conversation. Mom discussed her work as well as dinner and need help. Rachel started her first full week at a day camp for challenged youth. From what I understood, sometimes she would be a staff person focusing on one of two activities, and other times would be working with one to two young teens as her focus.

My computer work would vary and thus expose me to the running of different programs. One worker I would cover for said, “It will be interesting to see how well you do, almost everyone who has been in this department and worked out has been female. Seemingly many men find it hard to concentrate on small detail work and to proofread for needed changes.”

It was 5:46 when Dr. Jenesse Frecone called me back and I informed her of the situation I had been put in. She responded, “We visited times like these before. Do you remember what conclusion we, you, came to?”

I responded, “You’re thinking that I decided to do it?”

She asked, “Did this Mr. Dobbs press you to go first as Nicole? Or was it your decision?” She paused and things became silent. After a while, she said, “Didn’t you already say that you had the job as Nicolaus and the interview was a formality and for orientation?”

I said, “Well, I went home as Nicole and felt quickly accepted by my family. And I even went out as Nicole. But working would be different, he, Mr. Dobbs asked me to come in as Nicole if I wanted to work as such. and his assistant readily accepted me. …Well, when they asked if I could be Nicole the job? I said ‘Yes,’ because technically I can do it. It was only as I drove away from work that it hit me emotionally.”

Dr. Jenesse remarked, “It sounds familiar to your becoming a model and later your choice to spend extended times being Nicole. It seemed like you’ve again taken another step in being a young woman… If it stresses you out too much, I could see you Saturday morning at 10:00. But I see we have a video session Tuesday evening of next week.”

I said, “It was not my conscious intention to be Nicole this much.”

I hear Rachel whisper, I hope to herself, “Not his intention indeed.” I spoke up for Rachel to leave me alone. I heard one person step away.

Before we finished our visit Dr. Jenesse said, “If you’d choose to go ahead and try working as Nicole. My recommendation would be if you plan to do this is that you plan to enjoy this experience. Keeping a journal including how you dressed, what you did, and how you felt about yourself.”

I thanked Dr. Frecone for calling me back and our visit. I actually did feel much better after our talk.

The evening went well and was uneventful, other than agreeing about Steph and me shopping for another outfit or two. Mom insisted if I were to wear jeans or shorts at the end of my workday. They still should be for Nikki. That was the first time I remembered hearing Nicole’s nickname used at home. It was to become more common.

Steph had her friend Lace with her, and we went to Vivie’s and Classy and Chic Boutiques; neither I even knew were in Dubuque. But once inside I knew why there wasn’t a need to know about them until now. Steph had talked me into trying on a lace bralette and then a blouse and skirt outfit. It softened the presence of wearing a bra. I liked it not only with the outfit, but a dress at the next boutique. Lace talked me into trying some shoes. There were two boot-like shoes with two or two and half-inch heels. One pair I bought but buying a second pair was going to need approval from my parent financier. When the owner gave me a 40% discount on the second; I and my cohorts decided on our own.

I wasn’t wanting to go to the Clock Tower Inn for lunch, because of the significant possibility of meeting others we knew. Steph convinced me, “There’s no reason to hide or shout out who you are. It is a small city and other friends and classmates are bound to find out about you. Get used to it.”

Lace left us after lunch to take a summer course at the University of Dubuque. That’s where Steph and she met. It was the second time we met, and I now have another friend.

The surprise of the afternoon was a stop at a hair salon. Since Steph had just gotten out without saying anything; I was pretty sure it was for her to schedule an appointment. I knew it was a salon that she had used. But when Katie introduced herself to me, as being a friend of my older sister, I sensed it was for me. I found myself saying, “Maybe sometime, but I’m not ready for it now.”

Katie said, “Your sister Susanne asked me to get before and after pictures. And that she knew from you’re being in a fashion show it would not be your first experience.”

I said, “Susanne knew I enjoyed the first experience.”

“Susanne said she travel over three hours to see her brother in a fashion show and discovered her new sister,” said Katie. “You’re not the first new sister that I’ve met in our fair city. She also said you’re starting a new job. You should make a good first impression.

Katie lived up on the hill in Dubuque and within walking distance of the Fourth Street Elevator which is still a functioning trolley cable car. She went to one of the other high schools from my sister but they had become friends through music and sports competition.

Katie joked that her priest, as Dubuque is predominately Catholic, might not officially approve of my lifestyle. But that like higher Catholic officials advocates for our acceptance. I was surprised that she said, ‘even to the Eucharist.’

I enjoyed our conversation and watching her do my hair. We had an ‘oh my’ moment when I asked, “How do I make it look more boyish when needed?” The only option we came up with was hats.

My hair-do looked great; as Nicole, I was comfortable with it. With my permission, Katie sent my before and after pictures to my sister Susanne. Before I sent a picture to my mother, I got congratulations from her. “That looks very nice. If you don’t mind you and I should go shopping for a few hair accessories. I’m looking forward to hearing how the rest of your shopping went.”

I was home by before three and I decided to invite Steph to come for dinner. She went home to change and fresh up and I did the same. She wasn’t happy that I volunteered to cook after having my hair done.

She was soon over and complimented the casual Nicole in jeans and a printed blouse. She helped me to start the sauce for spaghetti with meat sauce. We chopped up onions, peppers, and some fresh garlic. I had called over to Haley and Lewis to see if they wanted to come for dinner. Lewis and Dad had begun milking the cows at 3:00 p.m. That meant they should be done by five and cleaned up and ready for dinner a little after 6:00.

The meat sauce would have two-thirds Italian sausage and one-third ground beef. Thankfully mom had two recipes one for three to five people and the larger recipe for eight to twelve. We’d go with the latter just in case Ken or others showed up.

Getting the sauce underway with Steph’s help, I found myself pushed away from the stove. I was relegated to sipping sun-tea away from the stove. Mom was home by 4:30 and agreed with Steph that I should stay away from the stove and oven. That meant I could slice and prepare the garlic bread, but not bake it. I felt like a little girl who could set the table, and make the salad but needed to stay away from hot things.

Mom hugged me, saying it was sweet that she didn’t have to fix dinner alone. She and Steph talked me through things girls knew to plan for. Having my hair done we should have been going out or at least I shouldn’t be jeopardizing my hairdo and planning a day or two of showing it off.

Once the sauce and simmering, I had to show my purchases from the day. There was more required of a girl in showing her clothes. Like explaining the shopping experience, our eating, and my salon experience.

Once I was done explaining more than I imagined remembering. Mother asked, “Were you going to mention seeing Blaise and her friends at the Clock Tower Inn?” We had seen and said hello, but it hadn’t seemed anything special to me. “Well, Blaise seemingly was surprised to see you but glad for you. Unfortunately, someone in another group had gotten upset about you after you left.”

Nothing was quoted, but it seems a young man stated things that should be done to a guy dressed as a girl. No one knew or was telling his name after he left with a buddy.

I was shaken by what my mother said enough that I sat down. I had seen two guys there that were closer to Rachel and Ken’s age. One with a scowl hadn’t said anything that I heard, but I’m not sure if he knew I was a guy until after I left.

Dubuque like any community had a variety of people with strong mindsets. I knew that to be true but I never imagined it to be pointed toward me. But then seven months ago I wasn’t acknowledging this to me.

Mom said, “I guess it surprised you to be the subject of such thoughts?”

“It happened at the University too, Lexi and I wrestled with it and then at the LGBT consortium. The conclusion and I concluded ‘why not me.’ Am I used to it, no?” I asked that it not be part of our supper conversation. And for the most part, it wasn’t…

To be continued…

Nicole was tickled pink to be up dressing for work; as Nick, I was a little scared of losing myself. Though the only things pink were my panties and my pearl pink lip gloss. Though the dress wasn’t anything extraordinary she presented a nicely dressed woman.

Mrs. Crest received me warmly and sent me a file to review for her. She wouldn’t get to it until after 10:00 a.m., thus I expected it to be harder than it was. There were plenty of corrections to make, but it was more time-consuming than difficult. The list of corrections went from 103 to five that I dismissed to be a problem with grammar check.

Caroline, as I was not invited to call her, gave me another job after our break. A person named Tammy was surprised that Caroline was quick to accept me. Word came to me later that Caroline wasn’t an easy person to please. It was after we came back from our lunch breaks when Caroline’s computer locked up. It was a new computer program and I used my laptop to reference back to a university program that warned me of three possible problems. It was the second problem and I was installing a fix for the correction when the tech person was able to get to us. Carol’s program was the seventh computer experiencing the problem and the first being resolved. The company that installed the software seemingly was more worried about being held liable than fixing it. They pointed back to the software company. Technically it was the software program’s problem, but as our technician and I agreed it was something the installer should have caught before signing off on using it.

Tom our technician was credited with having our machines operating ahead of the Waterloo, Des Moines, and Quad-City plants. If the problem had come two days later it probably would have seen me panicking. But because I was a backup worker, I was free to investigate a little on my own.

Not to get a big head, Mrs. Crest served me well in learning her responsibilities. There were numerous things that her experience was teaching and humbling me.
Like my family, she lived on a farm west of Dubuque and her job was not only providing important income to the family but the perks of a regular paycheck, health insurance, and retirement benefits.

It was Thursday after lunch that I found an unwanted and threatening message in my in-box. It was a picture, that appeared to be blood drops falling into a red pool with a derogatory message. Though the sender was blocked to me, it was traceable by the corporation and given to their authorities.

Come to the end of my workday, I found out that I had a flat tire. It was in changing to the doughnut size spare that I realized it was purposefully done. The security guard tried telling me I couldn’t be sure. But I was ninety percent sure and I wanted someone to follow it up. It took Mr. Dobbs insistence that brought in a county deputy to check. Officer Hanson was surprised to find me the recipient of the prank. He had searched further and found a puncture to my oil pan.

He said, “That could easily have resulted in an engine fire when you stopped at home with a hot engine.” We talked about my now being Nicole.

There was no security film or other proof of who tampered with my car, but the person who sent the threatening message was fired by the company. The person was under investigation for further legal charges.

Friday, I was officially working on my own though we were in a larger office complex of six workers. I was called to report to the main office before I checked out for lunch.

A Mr. Harder and a Mr. Jeffries met with me and I was afraid I was in trouble. I asked, “What did I do wrong worthy of this much attention?”

Mr. Jeffries introduced himself as representing the main corporate headquarters in Moline, Illinois. “You haven’t done anything wrong, but we want you to know we’re taking seriously what happened to you.”

“I was afraid you were going to tell me I wasn’t worth the trouble I was causing for the company?”

Mr. Jeffries said, “You resolving the computer glitch has already proved your value. Your being open about your problems with the company about trouble with others will save us in the long run. An errant engineer isn’t as important as he thought he was. Those responsible for your car troubles indicated their courage by sneaking around.” John Deere, JD, would cover the cost of a set of two new tires, the oil pan, and a full tune-up on my car.

Mr. Harder asked if I was a golfer? When I responded that I try to golf three to four times a summer. He asked, “Would you be open to playing a round of golf at the John Deere Classic in July?”

I replied, “I haven’t been that good as Nick, and as Nicole, I neither have clubs nor any playing time.”

Mr. Jeffries replied, “You have over a month to rectify those problems. If you can wait until after Memorial Day, we will have an old set of clubs you can use come early next week.”

This weekend was my first opportunity to be dressed back as Nick and while I was Sunday afternoon and most of Memorial Day. It was because I was home or at the farm working. Friday night and Saturday, mostly because of my hair I found it easier dressing and being presentable as Nicole.

Much to the delight of Rachel, I did go shopping for clothes Saturday. I had seen a dress that I now thought was more appropriate for work, and another dress to enjoy a night out. It was as a group of eight, including Mike and Carl and their two dates Cathy I knew, Lisa with Carl was new to me. The Venue was good for both dancing and listening to good live music. Lace with her date, that left Steph left to dance with me or to find others to dance with. I had some dances about a half which was with Steph and one with Mike at the insistence of Cathy.

Dancing with Mike or other guys, no longer seemed unusual. The unusual part was finding two dances with a guy named Steve to my liking. He was easy to talk with, but it was something I couldn’t explain, but I liked being with him.

Sunday afternoon and Monday I was a working dairy farmer. And while Rachel offered me some of her farm clothes she knew she was two sizes too small for me. It was fun having a late breakfast with Haley and Lewis after morning milking chores on Memorial Day.

It amused me during breakfast, that I found myself talking to Haley about women’s fashion and her as a woman getting used to being a farmer’s wife. She said it was a rare treat for her to visit with another as a woman at breakfast. I was dressed as Nick, but with my nails painted, though the damage, and my hair as it was she put aside my voice and talked with me as Nicole.

Yes, I had little trouble identifying with our conversation other than not being a farmer’s wife. I stayed around the farm as they had a chance to get away for a few hours. I watched little Marcy for four hours.

Nights often found me taking time with family, and others either visiting with Lexi and Kayla or Steph and Lace. I saw less of Mike and Carl, and next to nothing to other male friends.

I had parked in a special parking spot and gave my keys to a receptionist. The new tires were being put on today, and my car would be given a thorough tune-up.

There was a stack of complaints and referrals waiting for my arrival Tuesday morning to work. Bills had recently been sent out and most of the complaints needed to be addressed. While there were reasons the bills were hard to follow for some, most of the bills were misunderstandings. Phone calls and email cleared most. But there were also part expenses added that didn’t appear correct. One problem resulted in over $12,000 charged that shouldn’t have. Someone at an implement (tractor) dealer added the wrong parts numbers and was unable to correct their mistake. The farmer near Nevada, Iowa was surprised with the ease that I caught the mistake and got it resolved. He was surprised that a woman understood that the wrong part was charged. He mentioned that he had an unmarried son and a good size farm. We were amused by the implication and that I wasn’t responding.

I had to laugh to myself as the size of things by some farmers seemed to carry a reference to their maleness which didn’t excite me much. The week was filled with details and numbers that I had to check and get properly recorded into one system or another.

Tennille was a new friend that I made and we ate lunch together both Wednesday and Friday. She was a single mother of two. She was a permanent employee, that floated between departments and thus didn’t feel she was accepted anywhere.

She wondered if I like her felt left out. I hadn’t expected to be received as another member as I too floated. But it was then I realized as Nicole I tried to build relationships more, whereas Nick, I was a loner. To add to Tennille’s problems she was not from Dubuque nor did she have family here. Those are big things in Iowa even in its cities.

She and I took an extended lunch break on Friday and did a little shopping. Nothing fancy, but we both enjoyed our time and knew each other better. I was still covering for Mrs. Crest the coming week, Tenne, as I referred to her, would call me on Monday about what was her new extension number.

My first weekend as one of the guys. Wearing a ball cap, and not wearing makeup were not big things.

While several tasks repeated themselves. There were new projects Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Instructions left by Mrs. Crest gave me enough to understand what I was to do.

A guy name Jeb introduced himself and told me to my face, “I don’t like that you see yourself as being transgender.”

I responded, “I suspect you see yourself as straight, but I don’t know enough to hold that against you. I doubt either of us knows the other to reach a good conclusion.”

He laughed, “Do you think, you could change my mind if we took the time.”

We agreed to meet at a Mexican café the next day for lunch. I was a bit cautious and asked Rachel or Steph if they could eat there around the same time. Jeb proved to be a sincere person, who had been subjected to a lot of stinkin’ thinkin’. The odd thing was that it seemed like he wanted to like me. I’d meet with him again, but nothing more.

Tuesday evening when I visited with Dr. Jenesse Frecone, the visit was good and helped me in preparation for my luncheon with Jeb and future times with other unaccepting of my identity. Jenesse was glad that I was growing more comfortable in accepting me.

Thursday evening included getting together with Steph, Chad, and Mike. We had met at Mike’s home in Dubuque. I wore a pair of women’s jeans with a floral top and ¾ sleeve. It was becoming obvious to each of us that our friendship was changing. We might continue as friends, but wherewith Steph my relationship was deepening with increased interests. Chad and Mike were moving on with their lives in different directions. Mike Stiller and his mom we cordial in keeping the friendship open to the future. Chad was more set in going differing ways.

It was late when I left the Stiller’s home, and it made for an unsettled night’s sleep. I hadn’t gone out of my way to change but accepted Chad’s decision. That Mike and I continued to be friends was helpful.

Friday was the end of my covering for Mrs. Crest, and I felt good about having her work for when she returned. I first visited via the computer with Ms. Jennifer Fox, who I would be covering for the following two weeks.

I closed my account with Mrs. Crest and went to see Jennifer Fox at 3:00 p.m., we visited for the next hour and a half. I had a fair understanding of my job in covering for her. She was in the personnel department and confidentiality was stressed along with getting the information entered properly.

Leaving the building, I met the guy I enjoyed dancing with two weeks earlier. “Nicole, it is good to see you again. I hadn’t asked for your information and wished I had. Would you be interested in my taking you out to dinner and dancing tonight or tomorrow?”

I had plans for tonight to go out with Steph in a larger group, and now there’s a tug to do something at the spur of the moment and with a guy I’ve felt something for. Is it just having someone who likes me, or are these girl's feelings welling up inside of me? Either way, I was interested. I got his information asked if I can check and get back to him.

I’m home and felt a need to wait, making sure Steph is off of work and free to talk. Once talking with her, Steph giggles. “I was thinking I sense Nicole’s feelings coming forward inside of you. After you go to eat, message me where you’re going dancing. We’ll plan to bump into you. But make sure you save a couple of dances with me…

To be continued…

Steph suggested what dress I should wear to dinner with Steve, and Rachel and Mom agreed that it would be a good choice. I called Steve and we agreed that he would pick me up at 6:30.

Mom asked, “Does he know you are transgendered?”

“I haven’t told him and he hasn’t indicated he knows,” I said. “I know I need to tell him and I intend to do it. I will tonight; I’m to communicate with Steph where I will be dancing for sure. Then when Steph and our group of friends are at the dance place, I will summon up the courage to tell him.”

Mom hugged me, “There are added things to you being a young woman. I wish I could make it easier for you.”

“Thanks, Mom. Did I tell you Rachel and I are playing a round of golf tomorrow? We’re teeing off at 11:40 a.m.?”

Mom said, “You both mentioned it last night when you were cleaning the used set of golf clubs loaned to you. Did I tell you they are about as old as mine, but a better set? I wasn’t willing to let go of the extra money your clubs cost.”

It made me feel good to know the clubs were very good. My clubs were an older set I got from an uncle. I had tried them but they no longer looked or felt right.

Well, that’s tomorrow and I had to get ready for tonight. The skirt of my dress is full and the print is pretty and bright for June. The short sleeves and oval neck leave much to the imagination. I am excited to have a dinner date, but I being quite conservative in my dress as I prepare to go out with another man.

I was ready by 6:00 o’clock. My Dad spoke up, “I am about as nervous as you. If you don’t mind, I am going to the dairy farm and leave Mom to give you moral support?”

After Dad left, I said to Mom, “I wasn’t this nervous when I went to pick up Darlene for the prom, and her father was scary.”

Steve was there on time and we were soon off. The place we went to eat was nice, and Steve got a glass of beer, he bought me a glass of wine. Since he was 23, they chose to assume I was of age to drink. We were near the end of the meal and the dinner was good. However, we both had a case of nerves.

Steve was the one to work up the nerve to approach the subject. “I know what you’re not telling me yet. Someone mentioned the possibility that first night we met, and I pretty much confirmed it at work. You might be wondering about a guy like me? I don’t know why, but I have feelings for you. I’m not much of a guy; I was nervous and you made me feel comfortable. I am often socially awkward. Part of what attracted me to you was that you might be vulnerable too.”

He laughed as I told him how I first came out. He said, “I bet it was helpful to have a couple of sisters that you learned from them. Because you make a convincing woman.” I went to the women’s room to freshen up and to message Steph where we were going.

The sun was not yet setting and we walked a little before going back to his car. Steve had mentioned that two of his friends were going to be where we were going. He said, “I don’t expect trouble, but I know you have attracted some detractors. My friends didn’t want me to be alone in protecting you if need be.”

I asked, “So they don’t think you’re crazy risking things for a person like me?”

He laughed, “They think I might be crazy, but if it brought me out of my shell. They only hope it lasts long enough that I find myself.”

The nightspot liked seeing my women friends arrive and by 9:30 and the place was coming to life. Places are like that in a small city, if enough people show up a place comes to life. If not people change spots or word gets out where things are happening. Steph matched up with Todd one of Steve’s friends. That made it easier for us.

While a guy with two friends did show up and wanted to give me a hard time. Steve, his two friends plus others turned them away. While every place has its jerks, Dubuque is a better place than I knew.

There had been more than one slow dance when I knew Steve was as excited about me as I liked him also. It was after midnight that he took me home. We remained outside and talked before he kissed me and left.

It felt good to sleep in until after 7:00, and the smells of breakfast came into my room once I opened my door. Rachel soon popped her head in, “We got a golf outfit for you to wear when we go golfing. If you’re planning for some Nick time please wait until we’re back.”

I showered and used some depilatory cream on my legs and shaved my underarms. Nicole liked the results, while Nick quickly thought about how he’d look in shorts or a swimsuit. I put on shorts and a shell top to go eat breakfast.

Mom’s a good cook and Saturday breakfasts can be a feast. Rachel told me, “We’re playing at the Meadows course." She said, "Mom told me that if I dropped your name they would find an opening. So we need to be there and ready at 11:40 sharp to tee off.”

I asked, “Mom, there’s not going to be other surprises waiting for us there?”

“No, but Mr. Dobbs wanted you to get out there sooner than later.” Mom said, “I suggested you and Rachel go out as two young women. Things will look quite normal.”

When I went back to my room to get ready my mother handed me a package of two sports bras. We packed our clubs in Rachel’s car and left. Once we were parked, Rachel said, “Take a few deep breaths and release them slowly. And once we’re out there focus more on form than power. Let this be a sister moment and let’s have some fun.” We had enough time for a practice green and away from others to take a few practice swings in driving the ball down a fairway.

The first hole was a short par 3 yet I double boogied it in five. It took me three holes to relax and relearn my game. From there through the ninth we didn’t keep score. While I was not pleased, I was getting better.

Rachel had been on the golf team in high school, and ever since she played for the fun of it. She was a good instructor and by the second round of 10-18, I was doing much better.

Once we were done the course, and back to the clubhouse; Rachel order us both daiquiris, mine was a virgin daiquiri, but as she said, “If you go to the Deer Run Course you will be of age to drink there. We suggest you do so moderately and drink like a lady.” Having been to college, I already knew women like men had trouble with alcohol.

We were traveling home when I got a call from my mom and a message from Steph, both saying that I looked like I enjoyed myself. I checked my messages and there were the two pictures Rachel had sent of me. I posted them on Nicole’s Facebook page. During the day I received some twenty likes and messages from Lexi, Jan, and others.

Having showered and cleaned me up, I dressed again as Nick and took our dog for a walk to a creek at the back of the property. I like being with Scout. I can talk and he appears to listen. I noticed my nails were still painted, but it didn’t seem to bother Scout. He’s an Australian Shepherd. We followed the creek to the back of the dairy fields and made our way to the barn by six. Hijinx, one of Scout’s offspring met us before we got to the milking barn.

Lewis joked that I was late for milking and late for showing back up as Nick. He joked some more, “I see more of Nicole in you than I do Nick in Nicole.”

I asked him if that bothered him. “No, it was more an observance Haley made and that we have come to agree about. When you came out, I was surprised because Rachel saw the possibility and I hadn’t. We shared a bedroom with you, but I didn’t know.”

A part of Nicole surfaced as I giggled, “You weren’t supposed to know. I wasn’t accepting it. I wanted to be like you and Ken, but I never measured up. With Mom, Rachel and Sue, I never felt any pressure.”

I was invited by Haley to go over to dinner with them at her parent’s house. They took their fancy pickup. Scout and I hitched a ride back to our house.

Rachel quickly came up to me, “Would you mind showering and changing back to Nicole? Renae and Teri are wanting you to go out with us.”

I said, “I can’t change over to Nicole as quick as you.”

Rachel smiled, “That wasn’t a ‘no’ so given the time you’re open to it. Don’t feel put upon, but remember who did you a favor this morning.”

I showered taking my time hoping it would discourage my sister. Instead, she took the time to lay out an outfit she was suggesting. I liked the outfit but out of spite used my satin shell with a different blouse.

The evening had a drizzle to it and made the pub/reading house a nice change of venue. There was a smell of perfume, beer, wine, and cheese in the air. Poems, folk songs, social viewpoints, and readings were interspersed into the late night.

Teri, “It’s like stepping back and seeing a young Rachel. You’re not mirroring reflections, but little brother took a turn in his sister’s direction.” She asked, “Renae do you, like me, hear a little of Rachel in Nicole’s speech pattern?”

Renae said, “I hear what you’re saying, but Nicole is definitely different. She has a confidence, different from Nick or Rachel. Someone brought her out of her shell.”

One of my classmates, Jaz, now at Clark University was MCing the night and spotted me. “It’s Nicole, isn’t it?” She asked, “Can you make a little verse of your change?”

It came to me out of the blue,
“Step out of your image, and into a new place.
Find a dimension you didn’t know but do like.
She wasn’t me, but somehow she is.”

Jazz made sure I was done, before she said, “Oh my, can I hug you? That was unexpectedly beautiful. When did you think of that?”

I said, “Just now, I don’t know where it came from.”

Jazz sits with us and soon there is a small gathering and the night takes on a life of its own. Jaz is a business/communications major like me but chose a small private university. She said, “But I thought you were straight?”

I responded by saying, “I thought you were shy. It looks like the year has changed things.”

We stayed another hour before retreating to Renae’s house. The conversation now revolved around Renae, Rachel, and Teri with me fitting into their conversation. Renae was a stylish dresser, and she searched the back of her closet. “If either of these works for you, you can have them. They’re from my freshman and sophomore years before I got back into shape. They’re nice, but I don’t plan to go back there.”

One was a shimmering see-through blouse that caught my eye. It was only after I thought about what I could wear underneath that I was comfortable in taking it. The skirt and designer jeans were also to my liking. She wasn’t asking for any money but I left some anyway.

I was up early enough to change over my look and go to church at Westminster’s second service with my family.

Running my fingers through my hair to mess it up made me passable for a guy. Having my wallet in my back pocket now felt strange. I knew at least once I reached for a purse that wasn’t there.

After church and a change of clothes, Scout and I walked a different route this afternoon that led to a pond shared with the Williams property. Sherry Williams and two friends were there. Sherry and her friends are a year younger and had recently graduated from high school. They came around the pond, and Sherry stared and then smirked, “I’d have thought you would have horns or neon boobs.” We hugged each other, and she told Patti and Jalyn, “I always thought he was a nerd and too shy. When he blossomed I had an inkling it would be as a woman.”

She turned to me, “You need to dress up and come over some time. My father might not be crazy about it, but I think my mom was hoping I’d run into you.”

She told her friends, “He didn’t live here until he was in high school. He was one of the dairy farm kids, you could tell when they got on the school bus.” She suggested I call ahead as her brother Jake wasn’t too happy about me as Nicole.

Mom was amused with my encounter with Sherry Williams, and said, “Did you see Sherry and her friends walking toward the pond like we did; when we came home from church?”

I had but thought they’d be gone by the time I changed clothes and made my way out there. Mom said, “Does Jalyn still take a fancy to you?” I had double-dated Jalyn once as a Junior and dated her a couple of times again in my Senior year. I had planned to take her to the prom but Matt Schneider invited her before I did.”

When I didn’t answer, mother asked again. “Jalyn noticed my manicured hands and wondered aloud if my toenails were painted and even suggested I was wearing panties. I was unwilling to prove them otherwise as the answers to both were yes…

Mom said, “She is a sprite that one. I wouldn’t be surprised if she called either one of you for a date…”

To be continued…

“I had seen them but thought they’d be gone by the time I changed clothes and made my way out there.”

Mom said, “Does Jalyn still take a fancy to you?” I had double-dated Jalyn once as a Junior and dated her a couple of times again in my Senior year. I had planned to take her to the prom but Matt Schneider invited her before I did.”

When I didn’t answer, mother asked again. “Jalyn probably noticed your manicured hands and wondered aloud if your toenails were painted or even suggested you were wearing panties?” I was unwilling to prove otherwise as the answers to both were yes…

Mom said, “She is a sprite that one. I wouldn’t be surprised if she called either one of you for a date…”

Now: I am driving to work and I get a call from Lexi as I’m thinking of Jalyn, Steve, and Steph. Lexi asks, “Have you been thinking about me as I have about you? I was wondering about meeting you at ISU for a weekend.”

I lied, “Sure, I’ve been thinking of you. I’m working at JD as Nicole and need to brush up on my golf game. A visit to ISU is not likely until late July.”

She asks, “Have you taken a break from your blocker, I want both parts of you to remain healthy.”

I am pulling into the parking lot, and I feel overly distracted. A good distraction, but “Lexi can I call you back this evening?” We lose our signal or something. I now hear others as I make my way to the office. My phone rings but breaks off. It doesn’t do well when passing in a hallway.

I’m at my desk, Jillian’s but mine this week. There’s the word ‘URGENT’ on top. I called Mr. Dobb’s secretary. She says, “We need to verify if this claim is legit, we think not.”

I follow it back to the claimant and look at his statement. The claim if legitimate should have gone to another plant. But I follow back his claim of a faulty backhoe and find nothing that he nor his company have purchased or leased. I copy our documentation and send it to Mr. Dobbs.

I checked with our two closest implement dealers of that equipment to him. One knows of the claimant: while his record is technically clean; he or his extended family have paid claims out of court and off the record. It is hearsay, but JD could probably verify his checkered past.

I am now behind on the regular work I was to be doing. I smile to myself, I am not used to this much detail work, but it is like a jigsaw puzzle that is coming together.

My Mom calls, “Do you have your golf clubs with you?” Yes, they’re in the car, why is she asking, “There’s an open tee time at Bunker Hill course at 5:15. Meet you there.”

While my shoes are in with the clubs, I would be playing in my work clothes. I asked, to leave early, but can’t say my work is caught up. Thus, I will be playing in my work outfit.

Thursday is Ladies day at another course and a woman executive has requested my presence. Work does allow for that early round of golf. Yet I am to put in a full half-day, whatever that means.

Thursday, with my sports bra and golf outfit I play fairly well. Ms. Edith Chambers comments, “We’re wanting you to give a good show, but had been worried you might not appear to be a woman. You are doing quite well.” I had to use a restroom to clean up before we ate brunch.

I got a call from Lexi, which I was going to ignore. Ms. Chambers urged me to take the call. “Hi, Lexi, I am at brunch with an executive. I’m sorry I forgot to call back last night. Yes, I think I can make the last weekend of July. Yes, it will be great to see you.”

Ms. Chambers said, “I take it, you have a friend at the university, how nice.” I knew she wanted more information but that was not forthcoming. I hope I did enough to please Ms. Chambers. Upon the end of our being together, she assured me I would see her at the Deere Run course.

After my golf outing, I knew from others that men who were summer help were sometimes told they could take off the remainder of the day. Ms. Chambers encouraged me to get back to work and if possible to stay the needed time to get my work done.

The work I had was mostly busy work which was easy enough to do. I visited with other office staff in my area. They laughed at my comment that the different expectations of some male workers and females. One said, ‘You as Nick, was one of the exceptions to the rule. When they got Nicole coming to work it was with your reputation from last year as a good worker. They also know your mother.’

Three in our unit invite me out for wine or coffee at the end of work. I had done enough that they are sure Mr. Dobbs would be pleased. I went expecting to order coffee or tea. Rosalyn ordered me a glass of white wine instead. Ros said, “Here this is a perk that I don’t think Nick would have received.”

We tipped our glasses to one another. Rosalyn and Chi, both twenty-something, made me feel welcome and suggested we go out sometime this summer. The golf outing, working as Nicole, and now this was playing with my head. I was being Nicole much more than I had imagined. And it was as though, I was no longer imagining being a woman.

I called Lexi that evening knowing she would understand. She said, “If you’re still taking the pill, you might want to cut back on any blocker. I want to see both of you when we get together later in July… But please do bring those clubs, it would be fun to have a golf outing with Nicole. I’m pretty good at golf even if you play from the women’s tee, I think I will beat you pretty buns.”

Friday, I took a change of clothes with me to work, because I was going to Steph Reid’s afterward. I would be able to shower and change there. She, Lace, another friend, and I went to the National Mississippi River Museum here in Dubuque. I swear it was different doing things with me being among a group of women my age. What we take an interest in and talk about is different. I find myself growing in perspective as one person, images are losing their duality if that makes sense.

We saw Mr. Dobbs and met his wife Mira and teenage daughter. I had also seen others I knew, but I don’t think they recognized me. Steph giggled when we both said hello to a teacher in passing, but we're sure she did not know who I was. It was upon our leaving that we saw Mrs. Schmidt again and Steph told her who I was.

Mrs. Schmidt said, “I thought there was a resemblance to Rachel, even now I see more of a resemblance to your sister and not you as Nicolaus… I wish you well in your search. I hope to see you again. It is always good to hear how students are doing.”

The next day came early and I was dressed as Nick and up early to help with the first milking. Lewis’ hired hand needed off and dad was getting ready to cut hay.

Once done the milking chores and cleaned up for breakfast with Lewis and Haley. Haley commented, “I was hoping Nicole would be here and she’d go grocery shopping with me?”

“I’d rather not make a change of clothes and makeup, but I’d be happy pushing Marcy around in a cart,” I said.

Her smile widened, “I was hoping to get you to use a baby wrap carrier that I got at a baby shower. It would be more ideal with Nicole,” she said.

I did go shopping with her, but either carried Marcy or had her in the appropriate carrier that fit the cart. The interesting part was how many neighbors and friends we met knew I was sometimes cross-dressing. While a few comments were of the ‘I don’t know…’ thought; more were light, positive greeting, ‘I can tell that you’ve changed… or I wasn’t overly surprised when I heard it was you.’

While not everyone knew, it was a relief for my family and me that it wasn’t a big secret any longer. Sunday, I went to church as Nick and to the earlier service to be with Grandma Strayer. “It is nice to see you Nick, but I’m a little disappointed I was wanting to see more of Nicole. Your father said you’re becoming more the one person. I know it’s stereotyping, but if I want to talk to you as my granddaughter, well you know!”

I giggled, “Well do you have an old granny dress that I might fit into?” Grandma and I went to eat after the worship service. What I didn’t know was that she text her close friend Maybelle. She and her granddaughter Bree were coming to grandma’s at 1:00 p.m. Maybelle had an old granny-styled dress and Bree was bringing makeup and accessories.

“You know Nick that your hair is enough longer you need to have it styled again.” I could tell as we were visiting that she was expecting someone or was thinking of something. I was ready to ask her when the doorbell rang and she was quickly up. I had met Maybelle before and might have even met her granddaughter.

Bree was introduced to me and she smirked, “Aunt Evelyn, your Grandma said her granddaughter wanted to wear a good old fashion granny dress.”

I said, “I was joking with her. There was no way I’d be doing any transformation or trying on that dress there and now.”

Maybelle Miller said, “Well your Grandmother asked for something I have and my granddaughter has a way with hair and makeup. We’d miss doing something your Grand would like. You should think again on it.”

Bree spoke up, “I can’t believe I am saying this, but I think it was a neat idea. My thought now is you should go change out of your clothes, shower, and do this. I’m sure you were in theater at Dubuque Senior.”

I said, “Hempstead just a year ago.”

“The thing is you can act and look like a sister.” I couldn’t believe it when she even walked in front of me and pointed up the stairs where the second bathroom was.

It felt a little strange as I was up there as a little kid, and now I’m wondering what my great grandparents would think. The bathtub has the old claw feet legs. The porcelain is worn and while there is a shower and curtain it begs that I take a bath.

A new women’s razor tells that grandma was hoping for this. I’m embarrassed but have to be pleased that she was accepting me.

Shaving my legs wasn’t essential, but it was wise and didn’t take that much extra time. I was glad to see a fresh package of panties and put one of them on. I didn’t see the bra right away but only after I lifted the camisole wondering if that would be it. It was then that I recognized both the camisole and peach bra were mine.

I called out, “How did these get here?” I didn’t even need to identify what I found. Mom and Rachel started to speak at the same time.

Finally, it was mom who spoke, “Grand called and wondered if you might be embarrassed if you didn’t fully look like Nicole. Rach and I agreed, so here we are… Don’t worry about your hair or makeup, young Bree looks like she knows what she’d do.”

Rachel said, “I have you know what we have in the car if you want them.” I decided with the camisole and no cleavage showing I didn’t need the chick fillets. I stuff my bra cups with a presentable amount of tissue. The camisole was next along with a half-slip that was there with over half of it being lace.

I asked Rachel to come into the bedroom as I stepped into the dress. It was a good choice in asking for help. “You look so cute Nicole after you get your arms into the sleeves would it be okay if I took a picture for your memory book?”

“I don’t have a memory book, Rachel,” I told her.

She said, “That will need to change if you’re going to be Nicole. You can use pictures to replace you in your graduation pictures. Never mind, Grandma here has one that could be good for Nicole.”

The granny dress buttons a lot easier having Rachel’s help. Rachel pulled out an old pair of 3” strapped sandals. I asked where they came from and found out they were actually grandma’s.

I had brushed my hair as it became damp, but letting Bree take over led to a new look. She also brightened the area around my eyes which was a delightful change. She and I then went to an ice cream place. The others went to but in a different car. Bree and I talked to younger people than I usually did. One dude liked the young woman in the old fashion dress and wanted a date. I turned him down, but part of me was wanting to say yes. Bree knew it and gave me a hard time.

Mom paid Maybelle some good money for me to keep the dress and half-slip.

The next morning to work I was light on my makeup but used the method of brightening around my eyes. If men noticed, they didn’t say, but numerous comments came from other women.

Covering for Doris T. was updating prices and costs to distributors. It also brought me into a group of women who were cooler in receiving and accepting me. It took putting up with it until two co-workers warmed up to me come Wednesday.

Tuesday evening I had gone to the pond bordering our property with the Williams’. I had called Sherry and she and her friend Jalyn met me at the pond where they dared me to go skinny dipping with them. It took a bit of coaxing and it didn’t last much more than half an hour. It was fun and a new experience to be down to my panties and bra swimming with others.

Jalyn asked me for a date and that would be a double date with Sherry and a friend near the end of the week…

To be continued…
Please leave comments…

My date with Jalyn went well but was more like catching up with how we’ve grown the past year. Jalyn’s Dad is an engineer for JD, and she’s to attend ISU and their engineering program. We found ourselves to be friends who are more like sisters.

She said, “We should continue to go out, especially in groups. I’m afraid sometimes you’re going to start finding guys to be more interesting… But you never know if you become Nicole with working Nick parts. I could fall in love with you forever.”

I wondered, ‘I’ve always intended to be me with working Nick parts. Why do others assume I’ll become Nicole? …I find I’m attracted to Jalyn, more than Steph who is a best friend, but not in the same way as Lexi. …Yes, there’s an attraction to Steve, but I don’t expect that to last past this summer.’

I must have been sitting alone in my room long and quiet enough that it raised Angie’s suspicions to the point she knocked on my door and came in to ask what I was thinking about. I tried to explain.

Angie said, “That’s what we’ve been trying to tell you. It’s why you need to take a day at a time and not rush in deciding this or that. I don’t really expect it, but maybe this is will stop as soon as it started and you’ll be back to being Nicolaus and this will blow be over and done.”

I said, “But it didn’t just start of the clear blue. Part of me thinks I’ve always been like this; it didn’t just start but was suppressed.”

Angie takes hold of one hand and sits next to me. “Part of me thinks you must really be enjoying this experience, and part of me thinks it could be so difficult and I wouldn’t wish it upon you.”

She said, after I shared my thoughts, “I think that is a good assessment about Steph, Jalyn, and Lexi, though I only know little of Lexi. Did I hear right that you’re planning a weekend with Lexi back at the university?”

The following week was much the same, except for a dinner date with Steven and working in two rounds of golf. One was a short nine-hole round with friends from work and the other a full 18 hole course with Steph and Lace.

Tenne and Darla took me to lunch on Thursday, seemingly only to tell me how upset they were that I was getting noticed and credited for things and they didn’t. The good news was they knew I couldn’t change what happened, they just wanted me to hear them out. Moving on meant doing a little retail therapy before we went home.
=^_^=
July Fourth Weekend was here and that meant a lot of family gathering at Grandfather Kevin and Grandmother Joan Brown’s near Galena, Illinois some twenty miles away. With seven great-grandchildren around and numerous grandchildren, going as Nick with his hair sticking out it might not have been bad. Uncle Calvin, Aunt Marie, and Cousin Kevin Jr. were the only three that had a real problem with me.

While their daughter, cousin Jill was neutral it was funny that it was Joanna Brown who wanted time with me as Nicole. She had even reserved a golfing time for her and Nicole at a nearby golf course. Nicole shot her first round of eighteen holes under seventy-five. Yes, they were all from the women’s tee. But as Nicole had confessed driving the ball down the fairway was no longer her strength.

Jill was excited for Nicole and she wanted Nicole to spend the night with her at our grandparents. Her parents weren’t at all pleased and threatened their daughter with sanctions. Grandmother became upset and said, “You will do no such thing to my namesake, or there will be trouble around here.” Grandmother was generally quiet, but she was to be respected and taken seriously when she spoke as she did today.

Grandmother was proud that Joanna spoke up for her new granddaughter, and that was understood too. Grandmother Joan sought out Joanna and Nicole and personally escorted them up to the room where they would sleep tonight.

It was Joanna’s mother Marie that apologized to Joanna, Nicole, and Grandma Joan, but Grandmother made it very clear. “I appreciate your apology Marie, but it was Calvin whom I took offense from. While his ego was bruised; it was from him I wanted to hear.” Grandmother was as strong or stronger in her faith as Calvin’s but it was much more good news-driven. Fear and hate had little room in her.

The next day was good and warm in many ways. I was visibly present as Nicole, much different than I had planned. Marie warmed up to me a little, but Calvin and Kevin jr. kept their distance from me.

The coming week at work was the last before the John Deere Golf Classic was held. My mother was encouraged to take me golfing early on Ladies’ Day at the Bunker Hill course. I shot another round of 75 which Mom told someone and the information came back to me come lunchtime. That is a little disturbing as I was someone not use to others noting in what I did.

Darla responded by saying, “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re invited to participate in the pro-am day, and they’re wanting to make sure you don’t embarrass them. They don’t care a hoot about Tenne or me.”

Mr. Dobbs made it clear without directly saying that I was to be Nicole 24/7 until I was home after the tournament.

Thursday, Ms. Edith Chambers from JD headquarters called me with information about my coming to the John Deere Golf Classic, such as sending me my VIP pass, my hotel reservation, and meal information. My mother and father were to receive passes to the Pro-Am event on Wednesday. There would be information as to where they should be when I teed off on the first hole, as well as where they were encouraged to be near the sixteenth and eighteenth holes.

I and a man named Jonathan were to be paired with Sean and Patrick from the pro circuit. I recognized the name of both professionals. Because I was one of only a few women to be playing in the Pro-Am event they were glad to get some extra attention as we played our round.

When I pointed out my parents at the sixteen hole, Patrick advised a photographer he wanted a photo taken of him with my parents and me upon completion of the hole. It was a nice gesture that made my father especially happy. Dad did stutter over using the correct pronouns as it related to me. I shot a respectable 74 for the round.

I became an official JD Classic hostess for the first two rounds as part of my workday. My mother and I were encouraged to mingle with players' spouses and chaperone them if helpful. I was with a player’s wife and thirteen-year-old daughter. I gave them a VIP trip to the Davenport, Von Maur store, which is one of its premiere stores. The store owners were happy as this was on Friday and the news of a great shopping experience would be their best advertisement back at the course. The mother-daughter duo of Jessica and Camile with me had a great experience and received more than a few discounts for their coming there. My name and Nicole’s email address were taken, as they wanted to thank me away from our guests.

Camile asked why I was able to be in the Pro-Am event and wanted my signature. She had gotten the signature of Patrick Rogers and she was glad he made the cut. “Did you know he is married, and that his wife is very attractive?”

I said, “He told me she has been in a few films as a stunt specialist.” Camile asked if I met her. I told her, “The golfers and I went different ways after the eighteenth hole, and I didn’t know if Jade was even here.”

Ironically, Camile, being the daughter of a more noted golfer, was taken with the interest in younger golfers. Jessica lightly laughed it off. “A green jacket and more victories including here are seen as old news.”

“I met your mother here numerous years ago, and I’ve even met Rachel once two years ago. I didn’t remember hearing of a younger daughter,” she said questionably? She smiled and said, “We will stop there, other than to say it is nice to meet you. You have been a great help today and did well for the Pro-Am event.”

‘How did I luck out to be so fortunate,’ I asked myself? Ms. Chambers greeted me after the golf day had ended. “I want to thank you for how well you have handled yourself. I hear both Von Maur stores have seen more of our guests since.”

Rachel and my brother Ken were down for the last and championship round of golf. Rachel was interested in how well I was doing as much as the golfing. “It looks like my sister has added some clothes to her wardrobe,” Rachel said. It was late morning when I took my certificate to Von Maur’s. It enabled me to get so much off of what I purchased. With 30% off for Rachel as well as me, we did very well. I thought I was in trouble when the saleswoman called for a supervisor. I began to apologize for what I had done. When I was stopped.

The store manager asked, “Is there something else you would still like to buy?”

When I remained silent, Rachel spoke up, “There was a Vince Camuto floral dress she liked.”

Ms. Miles said, “That would be an excellent thank you gift. Let us go and make sure we have it in your size?” Unless it was bought in the last hour, I knew the dress in my size was there. I sadly report I acted like a giggly girl much younger. Though Rachel said, I didn’t.

Ms. Miles spoiled us even more by requesting to deliver it to my hotel room. I needed to make a final appearance at the golf tournament, which meant Rachel needed to go and wait at my hotel room for the delivery of our purchases.

I got back to the JD Classic in time to watch my two golfers, Sean and Pat finished well in the money both being in the best twenty-five scorers. And Luke Gloover makes a last-round charge of seven under par to claim the championship.

I was one of many company volunteers, along with my mother who helped people leaving the classic.

My mother was in awe of what Rachel and I had bought as well as the dress I was given. Mom had made her own purchases at a 15% discount.

Mom and I were tired enough of the tournament that we packed up and went home yet Sunday night.

I was looking forward to getting back to dress as Nick, but that would need to wait for the times after work and the following weekend. It was a relief to have my manhood, unbound and getting back to some semblance of my life.

It was 8:30 when I got to work, and filling in for a Ms. McGuire, meant I was in with a new group of women. Initially, they acted indifferent to my being part of the golf classic. But an act is what it was, as they laughed come break time that I took them seriously. “We were all happy that you did a fine job of representing us women,” Martha Briggs said.

Once again, by Thursday I was seen as doing a good job. Mr. Dobbs came to our work area, “Miss. Strayer, there has been a change in the different work areas you have been.”

Martha Briggs spoke up, “We cannot speak up for the other areas, but we’ve been taken with this would be woman, and how she’s handled herself. It has led to a more relaxed atmosphere. She’s good with her computer skills and helps others of us in understanding what we’re doing. She’s fresh blood, but not a smart ass, if you know what I mean.”

I spoke up, “It is a two-way street, we’ve been helping each other. I think in their helping me learn; they’ve taken a new interest in what they’ve been doing.”

Wednesday and Friday, I was invited out with the group for an after-work time. It wasn’t new for the group, but it was different than I was summer help was invited along. Again as a prior time, someone slipped me a glass of wine.

I was looking forward to Friday evening to turn back to being Nick. But I had stayed too long at the after-work party.

Steph and Jalyn were both looking forward to a time with Nick, but they were not open to waiting on me to change over. Steph spoke for the two of them, “Take a good shower to freshen up, but not as long as you’d need to get back into Nick mode. You can do that tomorrow.”

Steph had even made it to my closet and found some of my new clothes. She had pulled out a skirt and blouse combination I had purchased while at the golf outing. She had also seen the set of golf clubs, I used at the JD golf classic. “I am surprised you still have these clubs? Are they and the new outfits part of the perks that come with being Nicole?”

“No, one has asked for the clubs back,” I said, “and I won’t bring up the subject as long as I’m working there this summer. Concerning the clothes, I must admit when I’m Nicole the clothes are hard to pass up.”

Jalyn comes up to my room to see what is taking so long, and she laughs as she looks into my closet growing with an expansion of women’s clothing, “I hope that is what you’ve picked for this evening, but please get to it. I’m leaving so you can quickly change and we can get going. I don’t want to wait until midnight and see if Cinderella magically disappears.”

‘Hmm, it caused me to wonder, if this could easily disappear…’

To be continued…

Coming home from work, I passed by Steph Reid’s house hoping to see her car there as I wanted to speak to her, hopefully in person. Her red Camaro was there so I stopped and what up to the house. What I didn’t expect was Brett Miller a guy she met again a month ago.

Okay, she already knew him and he was two years ahead of us but at one of the other Dubuque high schools.

I wanted to tell her personally that I was going to see my friend Lexi from ISU and hoped she wasn’t upset. What I hadn’t expected was that Steph was keeping my friendship, but moving on with her getting serious about another guy.

Brett was relieved that Steph’s best friend Nick was also Nicole. Brett said, “Until we met just now, I had trouble believing I didn’t need to worry about her best friend Nick.”

Steph said, “I’m sorry you both met this way. I wanted to be the one to introduce you to each other… Nicole is that a new work outfit, I don’t remember seeing it before?”

I said, “Yes, but I wanted to stop by and let you know I was going to see a friend from college this weekend.”

Steph said, “Yes, I guess we both have new friends. I hope your weekend goes well. You’re welcome to sit down but we’re not staying long.” I awkwardly said goodbye and squeezed Steph’s hands, feeling too awkward about hugging her.

I was almost home and ready to drive onto our property as I notice my eyes had tears. I remembered to dab my makeup, and thankfully most of the mascara stayed in place. Mom was out to the steps when she realized some emotions got to me.

Mom said, “I hope you can take some good news. The University called and left a message. They have a better financial package for the coming year. You need to call the financial aid department tomorrow after 9:00 a.m.”

Mom paused, “What has you upset?”

“It’s nothing big Mom; I went over to tell Steph I’m to see Lexi this weekend. And well I met her new boyfriend. He was happy to see Nick as Nicole.”

I didn’t need to hear mom’s “Oh.” It was a sound usually reserved for my sisters. She hugged me, and I felt like Rachel. It was not bad news, just not what I hoped for at the end of my workday.

Dad was coming out and he overheard us, “I know that must hurt, I just hope you two remain good friends.” Dad paused and then asked, “Does that help at all in seeing Lexi this weekend? …It will be good to give the university a call tomorrow and to receive some good news.”

I went upstairs, changed out of my work outfit, and took a shower. Staying under the shower, as well as shampooing and conditioning my hair helped me to relax. I put on a pair of stretch jeans and a simple top. It was good to relax and have a quiet time.

I had started reading more both for relaxation and my other reading was in preparation for my sophomore year. The book I picked up was a simple love story.

The following morning, I received a message as I clocked into work. ‘Call Mr. Dobbs.’ I called his office and planned to call the ISU Financial Center after nine o’clock.

Mrs. Marge Cooper answered for Mr. Dobbs, and she giggled as she heard who was calling for Mr. Dobbs. “We continue hearing good things about your work young lady. It sounds like you settled into your character and it has gone well for you… Just a moment and I’ll tell Mr. Dobbs you are calling him back. You have a good day Nicole.”

It was just a moment later that Mr. Dobbs answered. He told me, “Someone from the corporation communicated to the university and complimented on the fine student they had in you, Nick. The corporation was seeking to give scholarship aid for you but when had asked the university what aid they were giving you. They said that was under review and that they couldn’t comment on that. Ms. Chambers told them their review should be favorable. She told them that their aid to you should be proportionately higher than a five thousand dollar scholarship that JD would like to give.”

I was speechless after Mr. Dobbs finished his statement. Finally, I said, “There was a message from the university that my financial package had been renewed and that I should call them back sometime today.”

Thinking that I might have some leverage, I stated, “I am to go back to the University this weekend. I was wondering if it were helpful if I could take either Friday or Monday off to speak in person to the people at the university?”

Self-confidence has not been one of my past strengths, and, even now as I called back to ISU, I was uneasy knowing more than they knew.

I had forgotten if there was a name to go with the number I was calling. Whoever answered took my name and student i.d. number and I was asked to hold. It took a few minutes before she came back online, “Ms. Nance, one of our managers has your information, hold on.”

“This is Julie Nance, is this a Strayer, we were expecting Nicolaus to call, but my assistant said it was a woman calling for him.” She paused, “I know there are other circumstances, but I do not want to presume anything.”

I felt embarrassed, I had called as Nick but had stayed in my persona as Nicole. I said, “That is my fault.” I was trying to change my voice but it was not coming easily. I asked, “Can I confess another identity without it getting around?”

When Ms. Nance said, “Yes, that would be helpful.”

I confessed to also being Nicole Greene to them and Nicole Strayer to some others. She said, “Then may I congratulate whomever that you have an additional $12,500 in grants and scholarships coming to you for the coming school year. The grantor of the scholarship said the scholarship could continue, based on you continuing a B average or better.”

“I do ask,” she said, “That the next time you are on campus that you stop in to sign some papers? Would that be acceptable?”

I replied, “I plan on meeting another student this weekend at the campus. Would it be possible to sign whatever is needed either on Friday or Monday?”

Ms. Nance was silent for a moment and then said, “I usually leave early on Fridays and I am taking a week of vacation beginning on Monday. When could you be here on Friday? I will make the effort to be here to meet you, if it could be before 2:00, that would be greatly appreciated.”

I said, “I could easily be there by 10 in the morning, would that work for you?”

She said, “If you would be here by 11:30, I am willing to treat you to lunch as part of our meeting. We are encouraged to meet with numerous students. That is unless you already have plans.”

We agreed to meet and talked some more before we ended our call. It was understood that I would be there as Nicole as my other friend was also expecting me.

With four days of work to fit into three days, I became busy. During a visit with my friend Tenne, she assured me that I didn’t need to complete my work. I said, “I might not be able, but most of Friday’s work should be available to me by noon on Thursday.”

I wanted to tell her of my scholarship from JD. Instead, I just mentioned my financial aid from the university had been reviewed and received, and grant.

She said, “The financial aid along with an extra day to make it an extended weekend sounds heaven-sent. I bet Nicole will enjoy her long weekend with some understanding friends. I think they will be delightfully surprised how far you have come with this side of you.”

I didn’t say anything, but I was happy that part of my intimate time with Lexi would be as Nick.

Wednesday, Rachel and I already planned to take my sister-in-law Haley out to dinner. It was really our mother’s treat, but Haley and I were becoming closer. A surprise occurred when my brother Ken asked if we would mind taking his girlfriend Lynn as well. He said, “I am going to ask her to marry me, but I want to make sure she’ll be well received into the family.”

Rachel was the one who responded strongest. “The way you’ve taken her for granted has been awkward for us. I will check with Haley, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all love having her in the group. I just hope she doesn’t feel awkward that Nicole has asked that we dress up.”

The idea of dressing up was really Rachel’s but she knew that I presented better when I was more intentional in how I dressed. Lynn Dauber had taken a liking to Ken back in 4-H in junior high. She had an associate's degree in environmental sciences and worked in the same district as Ken.

She had previously met me as Nicole, and it took into July for her to accept this side of me. It was different for me to see Haley away from her daughter Marcy, and to see Lynn away from Ken. They naturally delighted to be in the fellowship of women. Thus we not only went to a nice place to eat but had gone shopping beforehand.

Rachel was amused that Lynn and Haley were interested in shopping for intimate apparel and asked if I wanted any tips in pleasing a man. They teased me when I was slow in denying my interests had begun to change.

Haley said, “You shouldn’t be surprised. The extent of time you present as Nicole that you’ve come to enjoy being her. It is a natural progression that you are changing despite whatever your plans were.”

They did encourage me and I did buy a satin panty and camisole set.

Lexi and I would be staying with Kayla when we met. We would have separate rooms when school resumed but this weekend we were staying together. Unfortunately, Lexi did not get to leave her home or work early as I did. She wouldn’t be there until late in the evening.

I left home early enough to beat the morning rush into work. I was west of Dubuque and made good time getting past Waterloo and onto Ames. Kayla was at her summer job when I dropped off my things at the apartment. Christine who was sharing the apartment for the summer was also gone from the apartment.

I had enough time to arrange some of the things I left last spring as well as some things I brought with me today.

When Ms. Nance and I met we both paused and looked at the other. I was not expecting a young thirty-something, and I was sure she did not expect to see Nicole capable of passing for a young woman.

She was the first to speak, “I recognize you from the Spring Fashion Show, but I must say you have grown well into being yourself, Nicole. Please step into my office and we will get some of the paperwork done and out of the way.

“Touché, while you didn’t sound old on the phone I expected to see someone closer to my mother’s age,” I said. “If I may ask, are you even twenty-nine?”

She smiled, “A little bit older, but thanks. Let me say when Ms. Chambers sang your praises; it caused a little bit of a wave around her. I am now glad the splash landed upon my desk. They said you used a program from here and part of your education to stop a larger problem in the corporation in its tracks. Ph.D. Fosher said you did better than your high school grades would have hinted at. But he suspected you were one of those who benefited from study groups and getting serious.”

“Your 3.20-grade average gave us room along with your JD Scholarship to give you an additional grant. We tend to hear from the John Deere people concerning engineering majors they are interested in. We were happy to hear them sing praises for our business and computer studies.

“Ms. Chambers said, though she is from their main corporate office she has not only heard of you but met you. And she was pleased that she did.”

I said, “Part of my getting serious at studying was I was paying for more of my education. I didn’t want a large debt from college.”

Besides the formalities with my financial grants and scholarship, Ms. Nance recruited me for a possible work-study program worth $3,000 per semester.

True to her word, we dined out on her expense account. Julie Nance and I had a good meal and visit. The possibility of working with her became more attractive as we visited. She said, she has been wooed by some law firms in Des Moines and national corporations but so far has chosen to stay here. I found it hard to believe that she has six and four-year-old children. She said it had a lot to do with the university staff’s fitness center. I was pleased that I made a new friend.

I was back to the apartment by 1:30 and flopped down for a rest. Kayla found me lying half asleep and straddle over me. Her kiss was that of a very good friend. She was teasingly direct in saying, “If you are open to taking this further, we should retire to my room?”

I said, “I won’t say never, but this weekend I’m with Lexi and a one-person lover.”

Kayla flips back, “I was teasing you. It’s nice to see you again. How was it playing with the big boys at the John Deere Classic? Being a woman seems to agree with you even more.”

The day passed slowly until the lock of the apartment indicated someone coming in; it was Alexis, Lexi, surprising us. She pushed me back and we fell into a sofa and rolled onto the floor. We soon were up, said hello to Kayla and Christine, and excused ourselves to Lexi’s room. Tonight was not for hot passionate sex, but to cuddle and be close.

We did surface once for wine, cheese, and to be polite. I felt nice wearing my satin camisole and panty set and not spoiling it right away. We went to bed early and got up late, but sleep was not as long as our time together. It was morning before being Nick came into play. Making love and being both Nick and Nicole was taking love-making to a new reality.

The day was great in getting away from the bedroom, we so enjoyed sharing our summer experiences. Lexi asked, “Have you noticed some of the ways you are becoming more like other women?”

“I’ve become more knowledgeable about fashion and putting on makeup is that what you are talking about,” I asked?

Lexi said, “That you were doing before we left campus. Besides wearing your hair in a longer style, you’re running your fingers through your hair and fluffing it up. You’re doing a lot of small things like checking your face, or removing hairs from your clothes… Your saying hello to other women is more relaxed, things like that.”

We were playing the Veenker Golf Course at Iowa State. While Lexi’s much more of a regular golfer, today, I was staying with her hole for hole much of the way and I knew it bothered her. We played nine holes and stopped for a simple sandwich and iced tea. Several people recognized Lexi from the golf course and university, while one student remembered me from the fashion show and shoe store.

She mused, “Dressing as a woman now seems to be more natural…”

To be continued…

What was to be the crowning glory of my weekend: to be with Lexi and our golf outing, or the new scholarship and financial aid package?

Upon getting back from our golfing outing, Kayla asked, “Have you heard from your former roommate Dolan Harper?” It was a strange question as Dolan was generally a loner and chose not to have much to do with me.

She said, “He called me and asked if I knew when you’d be back on campus. Seemingly, he went to the Navy’s basic training program and that he has toughened up.”

He now knows you are going to be here this weekend and that you will usually be presenting as Nicole. He was hoping to see you tonight or he’d call and try to see you tomorrow.”

I checked my phone for Nick and I had two calls that were from area code 636, that I suspected were spam calls. I regroup and got my voice back as Nick and placed a call. Dolan answered and said that he too was in town. He said he was glad I called back, but it was not his happy voice. I did tell him where Kayla, Lexi, and I were beginning our evening, but I was not in agreement to meet with alone him earlier.

Thus when we prepared for the night; it was not certain if we would see him or not. He had something to tell me but insisted on it be in person. Having spent two semesters sharing the same dorm suite, I considered us friends but nothing special worth meeting privately.

Raelyn, the 6’ 3” volleyball player, would be with Kayla and I was with Lexi as Nicole. Only Raelyn was of legal drinking age, but none of us was that set on drinking, only being out for a good time.

It was nine-thirty before Lexi and I left the apartment and rendezvoused with Raelyn and Kayla. The place was nicely filled for college not being in session. We danced a little but were more occupied with visiting.

We did see others we knew but it was sometime after 10:30 that I heard Dolan’s voice. It was loud, like the only time I remembered from living together. That time too he had been drinking.

He called out, “Nicole I have a bone to pick with you! They washed me out of the naval air pilot program because of you! I want to know what you said and see if we can get this straightened out?”

I was thinking of staying quiet until he called out again as he was walking around the place. I didn’t think he was being too loud, but I wanted to avoid him getting out of control.

I stepped away from our table and he saw me. He didn’t look like the college roommate I last saw in May. He was clean-cut, tan, and bulked up from being in basic training. I tried shaking his hand but he slapped it away and got into my face. He touched my blouse; he started to grab it and then pushed me away before getting back in my face. “What did you say? They knew I had a transgendered roommate and asked if we were alike?”

I said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. No recruiters or military people, no one, has asked me about you.” Needless to say, I was called a liar and a few other choice things. Then there was a sucker punch to my mid-section and a harder punch to my jaw. I fell. Dolan was soon standing over me when someone pulled him away from me, but he stomped on my leg with his heel.

None of the so-called college bars enjoyed calling the police if they could help it. Apparently, they did not like what they saw of my leg and face. “You need to go get checked out at the hospital.”

I agreed to go to an Urgent Care Unit hoping I could avoid the hospital and more attention. I was assured that the police would be wanting to talk to me. The beefy bouncer at our dance place had already questioned me and several other people before I left for the urgent care unit.

I was first seen by an urgent care Intern and later by the doctor. The Intern diagnosed me well, and that was supported by the doctor. I had two x-rays taken of my leg and two of my face, the last more as a precaution. I didn’t agree when the Intern said, “You got off well from what could have happened. Your facial bleeding looks worse than it is. Luckily, the hit from the person kicking you was not a direct hit. The doctor thinks the big bone may be cracked, but not broken. The punch to your abdomen was more to knock the air out of you. It might be sore, but the bruising should be limited. You’ll probably have a black eye, and you may want a dentist to check your teeth. If any are loose we recommend you leave them in and see your dentist sooner than later.”

I was given prescription-grade pain killers, with a prescription for more. With Lexi promising to watch over me, I was released to go home, and not the hospital. The delay in being discharged was long enough that I was not surprised when the police showed up.

With the police came an MP, which surprised me. I told them, I really didn’t want to say anything as supposedly I was accused of talking to the military and causing him to wash out of pilot school.

The MP laughed, “Short of raping you previously, you would not cause him to wash out of extra training.”

I said, “I guess he doesn’t take being disappointed well. The only time he got drunk this past year was when his project was not judged as good as another student. I am surprised that with the strength of one of the contact lenses he wears that he would qualify to be a pilot.”

The MP said, “That sounds like a more plausible answer, unless. Unless he would rather be washed out of the Navy for attacking you.”

I was asked if I wanted to press charges? The only thing I wanted was to make sure he was charged or punished for something. His arrest for fighting and in toxification would stand apart from my filing charges.

It was eight in the morning that I woke up with Lexi hovering over me. I felt like Harrison Ford in one of his Indiana Jones films with a woman caring for his hurts.

I was trying to soak up the attention when Kayla walked into the room. She said as she handed me my phone. “I already assured your mother you will recover from your injuries. But she needs to know if they should come today or tomorrow to drive you home and get your car?”

“Hi Mom, it hurts like hell, but with the medication it is manageable.” I explained all that happened. I made as little of what Dolan did as possible, but I would have to live with the consequences of his actions.

They weren’t sure if they’d make it a round trip yet on Sunday, but Mom and Dad both came. The officer who had interviewed me the night before came to the apartment. He talked with me and my folks. He took more pictures of my leg and face.

My folks stayed at a hotel. That evening, I was eating scrambled egg and crumble up bacon and drinking apple juice.

I was to go home in the morning but that was delayed, when we went to the police office. I was called by the police and county attorney asking for me to come in before returning home. Something happened when Dolan was arrested that we had not been told before this morning. The arresting officer wanted the input of the Chief of Police and the city’s attorney regarding the exact charges.

Because of things that Dolan said after he was taken into custody, the charges were to be that of a sexual assault for attacking a transgendered person as part of a hate crime. What they needed from me, was not my approval, but a statement as to what had happened and information on others who could collaborate my testimony. I would likely be required to testify.

The facts were that Dolan had stated to the two arresting officers and the MP, military police, as to what he did and why. Despite being told of his rights, he stated he was proud of what he did. By the time we, my parents and I, had gotten to the police station and I was being interviewed again. The military police had verified that Dolan’s non-acceptance for training as a pilot had nothing to do with me.

Dolan told the authorities that he was disgusted with who I became. He had used basic training to get in shape and learn how to hurt me. He had not planned to lose his cool or to be stopped before he did more damage.

My mother had called into work for herself as well as me that we would not be in that day.

I had gotten new lessons in fashion and makeup due to my injuries. I would be wearing long skirts the coming two weeks, and receive makeup lessons to cover my black eye and bruised face. My dentist was surprised to meet Nicole. He did agree that it was prudent that my jaw and teeth be examined. One tooth was still hurting badly come Monday. While he suspected one tooth’s nerve was in danger of dying, he expected it to heal over time.

Before I left D.D.S. Harris's office, he asked if I was in the mood for amusement. He said, “If you undergo hormone treatment in transitioning it will be interesting how the rest of your body would be affected. I always found it interesting that your jaw and teeth were always more like your mother and sisters… I do not have full skeletal x-rays of you and Rachel, but I do have ones of the same area of the jaw. It would be interesting to compare them.” Since it would take some effort to find and post the two x-rays next to each other it was done at that time.

Dad had been the one to accompany me to the dentist. He was the one who also decided with my agreement that it needed to be another day before I went to work.

It was ironic when Stephanie came to visit me that it was me who had moved on and now accepted us being best friends. She confessed to me that she like going out with Brett, but she didn’t expect it to last. We agreed that our relationship was one of friendship rather than romance.

She and I would meet for lunch on Friday, and we have continued communicating daily.

I had a week of work before I took vacation time before getting back to college.

My break from work included a three-day getaway of Steph, my cousin Joanna and me to Chicago. The Closet and two other establishments founded by lesbians were sponsoring their own empowering women event. While we had planned to arrive on Wednesday and leave Saturday morning; the event was scheduled from Thursday evening through Saturday with a social celebration taking place Saturday night. It just happened that we stopped at the Closet on Wednesday evening and learned what was to happen.

We were able to reserve three spots for the symposium speakers. The fact that I was transgender and the other two being straight went over well with one leader Juli. Juli said, “The reality is more people need to see female empowerment to be an issue of all of us.” She paused and asked me, “Do you think you would have been empowered to be yourself if it weren’t for the positive response of women around you?”

I had not thought of it as such, but it was true. Besides my father and brothers and a few male students at college and now around Dubuque my support and encouragement to embrace my identity was coming from women.

Juli said, “I want to encourage you to stretch yourself and take steps to find yourself. Don’t hurry to assume who you are or the importance of any one relationship… Did you ever see your friend Steph or anyone else in a more romantic light since you’ve found yourself as Nicole?” Even without Steph or I saying anything, Juli said, “That is fairly common and some relationships might in fact become lasting… Everything just needs the room and time to come to light for what it is… You might be twenty, but it’s less than a year Nicole that you’ve begun to embrace yourself.”

Someone near us asked, “I heard someone say, you’re from Dubuque. Do any of you work for John Deere there?”

“I did for the summer,” I said.

She smiled, “And you played at the John Deere Classic in the pro-am didn’t you? …I thought I recognized you. You didn’t play too bad, but golf is not your game.” Arlee was thin and inches taller than me.

She wanted to be with us more the next two days, but other than being sociable, we kept to our threesome. Steph and Joanna grew as much or more than me. Steph was actually thinking of stretching and changing colleges and majors by the second semester of the new year.

Each of us danced and socialized with some women both Thursday and Friday as well as a guy or two.

Mom’s GYN doctor referred me to an Endocrinologist in Dubuque and I had my first injection of a testosterone blocker. Dr. Pintz was happy that I was comfortable with her as my doctor.

I hadn’t been keeping track of Rachel’s life and thus miss the fact when I went to Chicago; she left to start her student teaching in a new school. Being at Ames I heard of the community but missed the fact that the community had grown rapidly. They created a second new high school. My sister would be doing her student teaching in her two special study areas of history and sociology or as they phrased it merging cultures.

Dad had expected my help in moving her into an apartment part of someone’s house.

The summer being home was better than I dared dream it would be, but I was ready to get back to the university community and into my second year.

I was living twenty-four-seven as Nicole, except for a day or two, here and there to let my chest breath after having the breast forms on them for a while. I wasn’t to be taking any female hormones, but within the first two weeks back at the university, I had two discs of birth-control pills given to me or stuck in my purse.

While I resisted the better part of a week. I had begun taking some after Labor Day when I was back to school. I used the weekend to visit Rachel and helped with her apartment. I got introduce to Ms. Colson and her daughter Lisa. Lisa was eight and had already taken a liking to Rachel. Ms. Colson knew about me, but her daughter didn’t. Ms. Colson was hopeful it wouldn’t be brought up.
=^_^=
I had gone back to the mall and checked about my old job, as well as working at Macy’s or Forever 21. Tuesday, I called Julie Nance at the Office of Financial Management and asked if a job possibility there was still open. “I could use you up to fifteen hours a week, with the possibility of special projects,” she said. I committed to working 10-12 hours a week, and what more I could handle.

My attending classes and the library as Nicole took little notice from the vast majority of students and staff. It was the first full weekend after Labor Day that Lexi voiced, “Something has changed!”

We had already talked about my time in Chicago and the women’s empowerment event. Lexi asked, “But there’s more to it, isn’t there?”

I said, “It’s just that I don’t want to commit to anything lasting yet.”

Lexi giggled, “I love you, but neither of us is ready to commit further.” She pulled me by the hand into her room. Once I got hot and excited, she giggled, “Now go and take a cold shower…”

To be continued…

Previously: I said, “It’s just that I don’t want to commit to anything lasting yet...”
Lexi giggled, “I love you, but neither of us is ready to commit further.” She pulled me by the hand into her room. Once I got hot and excited, she giggled, “Now go and take a cold shower…”

Lexi was amused shortly after that when we were out for the evening and two guys came asked us for a dance. She turned and asked me, “Nicole, which of these guys would be your choice to be with?”

When I kept hesitating, she said, “Then, I’ll dance with Ryan and you can be with Stu tonight.” We’ve met Ryan and Stuart before, and I’m pretty sure Stu knows I’m transgender.

Stu asked me if I wanted a drink, and I said, “A Smirnoff Raspberry Ice but it needs to be opened here, and I’m only having the one.”

“Smart girl,” was his reply, “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. But being safe is good for the two of us.” Our waitress Lisa brought over my drink as well as one for Lexi. She smiled at us, knowing sure well who it was for, but she gave mine to Stu to hand to me.

We danced two or three dances with our guys, and then went into the women’s room. I asked, “What is this about?”

She said, “It felt like a fun alternative if we’re going to take our time and not get too serious…” She asked, “What does it feel like to you to have an excited guy between his legs. He even knows who you are and you get him aroused. I hope you let him kiss you if he wants.”

I admitted, “I don’t mind being with him. He’s as nice as any guy I’ve been with… I’m a little jealous or uneasy about us being together. I know, Ryan’s excited about being with you.”

Lexi says, “That’s sweet and it goes both ways.”

It was a dance after Stu’s second beer, that his hands slipped down on my hips as we danced. I looked up to say, ‘no further and I saw Stu’s eyes close as he pouted his lips and kissed me. “You’re as sweet as any woman,” Stu begins to say, and I hugged him and drew him near me.

We danced another slow song and I said, “I’ve liked this, but let’s not go any further tonight.” He asked if more kisses were okay. I didn’t say anything, but we did kiss again. I was mindful that he was hard and aroused. I admitted to myself that his presence felt good.

It was after midnight when we got back to our apartment. I was the first to get undressed, showered, and ready for bed. Lexi’s only comment was, “You didn’t steam up the shower area as I did.”

She was right, I intentionally cooled myself down.

It was a few days later, that Stu made his presence known at the end of one of our large lecture classes. He came up to me, “Now that I know you better by sight; I realized we share a lecture class on sociology.”

It is an interesting class especially for Iowa business and communication majors who might not be mindful of differences, subtle or the more obvious within people groups as well as differing cultures. One thing I recently learned was Thai women are used to men dressing as women, but some are very offended if such a man thinks he’s a woman. I know even with Lexi, Kayla, Jan, and others that I am encouraged not to assume I understand their experience.

I usually meet with one of two LGBT groups each week, sometimes both. The differences among us can be as interesting as the similarities. I am learning a lot about myself and others. Lexi and I have taken Sunday evening through Thursday to focus on our studies. It has not stopped us from leaning back on one another or even sleeping together at times.

She has seen Ryan and knows that Stu and I have seen one another after class. He treated me to a beer once, well I guess we’re attracted to each other. He wants to date, but I’ve resisted. He’s only interested in me as Nicole. While I understand, it was a point that turned me off.

Kayla and I are in two study groups together. And I feel like the same student, but academically I am ahead in my grades. I tend to dialogue more with other students and with a professor or two. My learning has become more meaningful.

Ms. Julie Nance in the Finance department is pleased with my work. She has challenged me to seek out more financial assistance for students with needs that falling between the cracks. It sometimes has me searching on my time, but when it pays off I get credit for extra hours. It has given me more spending money.

She often will giggle when I mention a piece of clothing it helped me to buy.

I am more of a daughter with my mom and a sister to Rachel. I talk to each of them multiple times a week.

Last week, Stacy at one of my LGBT groups, befriended me, she’s an avowed lesbian. We met after the group let out and went to her place. It got late and I stayed over with her leaving early in the morning. It was a good night and I find myself wondering more about me and relationships while in college.

I had begun to go to the Collegiate Church where one of the LGBT groups sometimes met. Gwen who’s both a regular attendee there and in the group had invited me. Our LGBT group is not formally part of their church, but we are given free access to meet there and use the chapel and meeting rooms. I was warmly received and would become what they called an associate member. That was where I kept my active membership back in my Dubuque church.

Lexi and I are still close, but we accept our friendship is not exclusive.

Close to Thanksgiving break, Rachel picked me up to go home for the holiday. It would be my first Black Friday shopping as a woman. Thursday I got caught up in shopping lists and checking newspapers and online information for special sales near us. Wednesday, I checked a store about an online item and found I didn’t like the item when I saw it. I checked a few more items and two were cheaper in quality than they appeared in the advertisement.

I was exhausted by the time I got to Dr. Printz, now both my GYN and Endocrinologist. She was pleased with how I was doing with the male hormone blocker and the progression of my life as Nicole. She told me if I was doing as well on my semester break we’d explore the possibility of going on hormone treatment. She wasn’t pleased that I was taking some women’s birth control pills. But she also communicated that it was not to my wellbeing to back off of them until after we met again.

Dr. Printz had already been in communication with Dr. Jenesse Frecone, my Psychologist at Ames, and would be the one in charge of my medication.

I can’t say Steph Reid was happy about the change of my friendship with Lexi, but neither was she surprised. “My heart goes out to you, I know it is not easy. How long did it take to move on to be where you are in your life.”

I felt the need to tell her that Lexi and I were still good friends with affectionate times. Steph smile, “Our friendship has a romantic side that other friendships don’t.”

Mrs. Reid was even comfortable with me staying over when I took Steph home Friday night. “Of course you’re staying here; Steph said you were pretty erratic as a driver in getting her safely here. Text your parents and let them know where you are.” I was to sleep in their finished basement. There was a couch with plenty of pillows and blankets.

Thanksgiving and Saturday football didn’t hold their old charm. I saw parts of games but found myself visiting with other women and visiting over the phone and pad.

I found myself listening to Rachel’s stories of student teaching and helping as a student assistant in their volleyball program. She had worked with freshmyn girls at the freshman and junior varsity levels. I could tell she made some deep friendships, where she’d have trouble saying goodbye.

I asked about boys having crushes on her and friendships. It quickly became obvious those relationships were harder to handle. She said the vast majority are no problem. What she didn’t say, but it was implied, things weren’t always easy or good.

I felt hurt when she said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you, you wouldn’t understand.”

She told our Mom, and I was close by, “An eleventh-grade boy put his hand into my blouse and when I slapped it away, a button popped off. I called the office as well as told Ms. Cook, that she’d need to take the class until I change my top… I expected the administration to give me the rest of the day off. That didn’t happen… I was taught that I should have an extra set of clothes and I did, but I was emotionally distraught more than expected.”

That had happened two weeks before, and any decision about what should happen had been delayed twice. “Mom, I think, they’re trying to wait until the semester is done and I’m gone.”

Rachel was still unsettled when we drove back on Sunday from the holiday break. Rachel pulled off at a rest area but away from the buildings. We were sitting in the car when, she said, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t comfortable saying anything to you, I saw in you many of the same expressions of caring and understanding as I received from Haley, Mom, and Susanne. I wasn’t expecting that of you.” She paused as if to ask something but she didn’t. The silence grew and I was overcome with two incidents that happened to me. I felt ashamed and guilty about both, but neither was of my doing. I hugged Rachel and listened to her story, and more to her feelings only partially healed.

Rachel was finished and I thought we were going to get back on the road. Rachel said, “I called Lexi, but she said something happened with you, but it was up to you to tell me.”

I replied, “Why don’t we get back on the road and make sure we get where we need to. I’ll do better if I’m not looking at you. It’s part of me that’s still Nick.”

One experience was from last spring and I was walking back to the dorm as Nicole going to Lexi’s room. I was not so convincing as Nicole and two guys took offense of me. It was getting ugly, but someone showed a flashlight our way and frightened off my attackers.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I had classes the next day and work the next two days. I told Rachel how I stuffed it inside and my release was that I was I got more involved with Lexi.

The most recent incident came after my relationship with Lexi had changed and I went to a gay bar. A person I sat with wanted to go further than I did. He called me a ‘tease’ and insisted I wanted more. People there took sides whether they knew us or what happened. I felt uncomfortable the next two times there.

I told Rach, “Sometimes I still feel if I see people stare at me, and I wonder if it's nothing or something from my past experiences. Lexi and I have both been nearby when the other has had a bad sleep experience… I had a flashback Tuesday, and I fought off someone attacking someone in my sleep…” I had stopped talking as my nightmare included her.

I was glad to be back at the university and felt better when Rachel called later saying she was back safely.

Our larger sociology lecture class became more interactive for the remainder of the semester. One of the foreign female students had a near breakdown when the class got to the subject of women feeling more like cattle or objects than being women.

Tiara wasn’t sure she could safely go back to her country, nor how she could afford to stay if that were possible. Tiara Sarraf had come from a wealthy family but had fallen out of favor with her father and the family she was promised to.

She was back in class the following week and a dozen or so of us gave her a combination of space and support and became friends for the remainder of a school year.

She and I were so different that she felt safe talking to me. She said, “No offense, but talking with you is like talking with a clean slate. My father had bought me an old slate tablet as a child; I could write or draw on it and wipe it clean. You are receptive like that to me.”

I was comfortable with that, talking to her was like taking a journey to a part of the world I keep hearing about. She brought a fresh view to what I was hearing. I felt for Tiara but was sorrowful that there was little anyone could do.

The first full week of December, Julie Nance wondered what was troubling me. I told her about Tiara. She permitted me to contact alumni and other Iraqi contacts with a story, of an unnamed Iraqi person needing help. Two Iraqi women who graduated from ISU and stayed in the USA or English-speaking countries contacted Julie. It would lead to possibilities that would bear fruit in the new year.

Come to the end of the semester and exams I felt pretty good about my academic year. The year had turned my life upside-down but in the most delightful ways.

I snuck a gift into clothes Lexi packed for the semester break. I text her once she had left the university and was well on her way home. I figured she was to or past the Iowa Nebraska line when I sent my text. It was ten minutes later that I knew the message was received. She was angry and happy, though she’d have to wait until her trip’s end to find the gift.

Few of my family wanted to know what I wanted for gifts or my sizes for clothes. Rachel was the one to inform me that I’d be getting money or gift cards. She did take me shopping once to see what I might like.

With her due to graduate in May, we knew this holiday and the new year would be focused on her. She had indeed learned from student teaching that teaching was her calling. Her bad experience had, in fact, the opposite effect on her career possibilities. Seemingly, school districts in the Des Moines Metro and the suburban area had heard more of her abilities, because of hearing rumors of the problem. She indirectly became a better-known possibility as a future teacher.

The days before Christmas would become a new bonding time for Rachel, Haley, and me. We would learn from Haley, part of her love and bonding with Lewis; was in part a reaction to earlier hurts in her life. Lewis and his then younger brother Nick helped her to be comfortable and attracted to Lewis and our family.

Haley’s, being nice and open to me, was part of her deepening her bond with our family.

I had made good progress with my therapist Dr. Jenesse Frecone, which boded well for my upcoming visit with Dr. Printz. I had matured and knew I was blessed with these two professionals…

To be continued…

Few of my family wanted to know what I wanted for gifts or my sizes for clothes. Rachel was the one to inform me that I’d be getting money or gift cards. She did take me shopping once to see what I might like.
The days before Christmas would become a new bonding time for Rachel, Haley, and me. We would learn from Haley, part of her love and bonding with Lewis; was in part a reaction to earlier hurts in her life. Lewis and his then younger brother Nick helped her to be comfortable and attracted to Lewis and our family. Haley’s, being nice and open to me, was part of a deepening of her bond with me and our family.

I had made good progress with my therapist Dr. Jenesse Frecone, which boded well for my upcoming visit with Dr. Printz. I had matured and knew I was blessed with these two professionals…

Now: One might of thought Nicole was a little girl because of her excitement for Christmas and the holiday break. It was my first Christmas as Nicole. Even with the likelihood of gift cards and money, I was into Christmas differently.

I bought some holiday clothes and helped more in decorating the house and yard. It is fun decorating outside in the country as the lights can easily be seen for longer distances from a half to two miles away. I talked dad into buying a dove and putting it up outside my second-floor bedroom.

I saw Dr. Printz three days before Christmas and though I was a bundle of nerves it was like an early Christmas gift. She had received a good report from my counselor Dr. Frecone. She was also happy as my blood test showed that I had not taken extra hormone medication. She gave me a shot for my testosterone blocker and a new shot of what she called my female hormone soup. She had also given me a prescription for my ongoing hormone medication. Dr. Printz left us alone after her appointment with me.

I was expecting things to change quickly despite Rachel saying, “That is not what I heard your doctor says. What I heard was this it wasn’t as strong of a dose as she’ll give you down the road. But that you continue your real-life experience.”

I said, “But she said, I should consider things like harvesting some of my sperm if that would be important. She was saying this is going to stop soon.”

Rachel smiled, “You had me come with you for just this reason. You tend to hear what you want to hear. Yes, even now your semen production is likely to go down…” She said, “Say if you fall in love with another woman and the two of you would like your own children, then your harvested sperm could help make that possible.”

Having heard what she said, I had mixed emotions. I want so strongly to be Nicole looking natural as a woman with my own breasts development. I also feel more strongly attracted to women like Lexi and Steph. The idea of being able to have our children would be attractive to me. Rachel’s words echo the pattern of my experience with Dr. Frecone and Dr. Printz. That of the encouragement to move forward, yet the pace they would have me go is different from what I generally hear.

Rachel encouraged me to stop at the reception desk, where she speaks up. “Nicole needs to be scheduled for some of her seed to be harvested.” I blushed being embarrassed. The receptionist made sure I agreed and then said congratulations this is an important step. She indicated this was as important if I changed my mind and decided later to continue as my male self.

Insurance approving or not I would have the first harvesting of my semen on the 28th after Christmas. Rachel verified that I and my family would pay the cost regardless of insurance approving it or not. Mom and I had talked about it before, it was assuring to hear Rachel say it.

The focus quickly changed from me to the holidays and family.

I did go online and check the results of my exams and later my final grade of 3.54 for me, was previously unheard of. I had been busier than ever and the courses more challenging, but the results were very good.

Rachel and I had shopped together. I had some extra money from my job at the university. Julie Nance was true to her word, I was rewarded well for some of the extra work. There were over ten hours that were not covered but she had warned me that could happen.

I used my extra money for buying gifts, but there was one dress and another outfit that I liked for myself. I thought Rachel was teasing me. I did not want to be trying them and seeing how they looked when I couldn’t buy them. When we were seemingly through shopping Rachel chose one of my dresses and an outfit to buy now. She said, “Mom and Haley will help you get one or two more before Christmas. We’ve decided you need to develop your wardrobe a bit more. Please act surprised when and if they get something for you now. I think Haley thinks you need to have someone figure what makeup is better for you.”

Dave a friend of Rachel’s from UNI stopped over and stayed a night. Rachel said it wasn’t serious but I knew she slept with him in the extra room next to me. The Idea of them having sex struck me with mixed feelings. I know two days after he was gone she met with Matt who lived closer by.

Steve had called me and we’d meet up with Steph, Lace, and their friends. Steve and I had left our group the second night and went to a place called The Hearth. It was a warm quiet tavern where you could drink and talk. While there was room to dance it was only a couple or two at a time. Mostly men were there. Steve said, “You’re different from the others I date; we can focus on ourselves without so much noise.” He gave me a gentle kiss and caressed the top of my hand. Neither of us was used to this but it felt nice.

He was the first man I welcomed into my home. Mom and dad were sleeping and I wasn’t sure if Rachel was home yet or not. We talked more about our families and he was the second of two boys and two younger sisters. His mother knew who I was and was surprised he was comfortable with him dating me.

We were out on the porch saying goodnight and had our last kiss as Rachel drove in. Once we were both in the house, Rachel realized I had him in the house. She didn’t say anything but gave me a knowing hug. Two days before Christmas and I knew I needed another gift.

The next day when I went shopping for Steve’s gift; I bumped into Steph back with Carl and Mike. It was like we were back to being old friends, but different. We talked about the generalities of our studies. Steph did ask if my doctor's visit went alight, but no particulars were mentioned.

Mike’s continuing to be a friend, seemed to be of help to Carl in relaxing with me. He now had more friends at college and his life centered more there. Carl was transferring to the U of I at Iowa City. Steph’s father was an instructor at the University of Dubuque which made it financially feasible for her to stay and finish there. It was ironic as the U of D was the only non-Catholic of the three colleges there, and her family was strong Catholics but very ecumenical and open-minded.

It was Christmas Eve that Haley took me out shopping; she was trying to be indirect but was set on learning if was serious about liking Steve. “He’s gone out with one of my friends in the past… How would it work with the possibility of you two being intimate?”

She had gotten into her and Lewis being intimate and looking to have another child. Which, as she said, caused her to be thinking of me. I had tried on several dresses or outfits. When I chose a skirt and blouse, she mentioned how cute and charming it would be with leggings. ‘Cute’ for Haley meant enticing.

I was no more comfortable with her talking about enticing my brother than me enticing Seve. The fact that she was willing to give me tips on the different possibilities of being intimate, got me more excited than I wanted to be known. We ended our shopping time with her dropping me off at my house. “I know I embarrassed you and got you hotter than you expected. But I felt you needed to get past that.”

I said, “Well you’ve succeeded, but if it is alright I’d like that remain between you and me.”

The rural mail carrier seeing my mom out in the yard drove in. “Mrs. Strayer, I am glad to have caught you. It has been confusing us at the Post Office to be getting mail for both your son Nick and a Nicole Strayer for this address. Has Nick taken up a pen name or what?”

My mother giggled and called me over, “Nicole, Patrick wants to know the reason for you getting mail here?” We were working on some outdoor scenery and I was wearing one of Nick’s old coats.

“Hi, Pat, I guess I’m the reason you have the two of me.” I shook off my hood and let my hair wave loosely. I said, “I kind of found myself last winter, but I’ve not decided for sure that this is the new me. Until I do so, I’m not doing away with either.”

He said, “I did see you at times this past summer.” We didn’t talk long, and he thanked me saying the route had been getting boring with nothing new.

I spent most of Christmas Eve copying my mother as she made pies for the holiday. We made pumpkin, apple, and minced meat pies. We were hosting the immediate Strayer families and going to the Brown-Mager family Christmas on the 26th. Susanne’s family would be with us for Christmas, but we're going to her husband’s side of the family for the next two days. We’d be in Galena for mom’s side of the family but mom decided we were not staying overnight.

Mom assured me that it was too early for my change of mood and feelings from the hormones playing with my body.

I had gotten into the Christmas Eve candlelight service and the snowscape of trees and the snowy ground cover. Mother had turned to me twice during the church service and said that I had a beautiful voice, echoing Rachel’s.

Steve thought he’d be too early to interrupt our family Christmas, but he hadn’t taken into thought our younger generation nor us being farmers.

I was thankful that I had got him a Green Bay Packers jersey. I don’t follow anyone's team, but I got a jersey with Allen Lazard’s number since he had played for ISU. Steve was thoughtful and had gotten me a gold chain necklace and bracelet. Something from mom’s expression told me I got a gift that would be similar.

It was a very nice Christmas, our family doesn’t splurge with numerous gifts but they are generally very nice. Being the youngest, and now a woman I was expected to help with my nieces and nephew.

Ken had picked up Lynn Dauber to be part of our Christmas. Mom, Susanne, Rachel, and Haley all saw before us others that Ken had given her an engagement ring the night before.

My dad soon squawk that he previously had three sons and two daughters but one son was now a daughter and two daughter-in-law daughters would give him five. It was a change for a man who grew up having just two brothers.

Haley and Lynn were taken with the news that I had a boyfriend who had stopped earlier and given me my necklace. The abundance of gifts was for the nieces and nephew though, it would take another year or two for Marcy to be old enough to enjoy it. This year she was mesmerized by the lights and anything that glittered or gave her attention. Mom and Dad were elated with two ultra-sound pictures of grandchildren that would be born in the year ahead. Susanne would have her third child which wasn’t planned. Haley and Lewis would have their second.

Haley and Lynn had already been friends and were happy to have the other non-blood relation to be in the family.

Lynn had coaxed me until I gave in and modeled the skirt and blouse that Haley had previously bought me. Since the house was warm, I didn’t wear the leggings as previously mentioned. This brought more compliments about how pretty and feminine my legs were.

The next day we went to mom’s Brown/Mager Christmas where I met Grandma Brown’s supposed maiden sister Elizabeth Mager-Torres and her significant other Martina Torres-Mager. My great-aunt was pleased to meet me and to introduce me to Martina. They’ve been together some thirty-seven but married only the last eight years.

When I mentioned that I couldn’t be so patient as to wait twenty-nine years; she replied, “It has been most of thirty-seven years that I waited for acceptance from family.” She said, “Don’t expect me to thank you for my acceptance; rather consider that I began paying dues before you were a baby.”

I questioned my mother about the fact that neither Rachel nor I knew we had an Aunt Elizabeth. My mother told me, she had thought up to three years ago the separation was mutually agreed upon. But it had been because of the insistence of our great-grandparents and Grandma’s older brothers and sisters.

“It was your Grandmother who called Aunt Betty and encouraged her to come with Martina.” I am startled as I remember seeing someone like Aunt Beth at the John Deere Classic.

I asked, “Mom, do you know if Aunt Elizabeth was at the John Deere Classic?”

Mom smiled, “If she knew her niece was there, she might have been. I guess she was a good golfer, and she met some of the early greats in women’s golf Mickey Wright, Kathy Whitworth, and Babe Zahariasin her day.”

I had gone out with Steve on New Year’s Eve, as well as before and after. But Steph called me and had my plan for a date on January 8th, “That it’s someone who wants to go out with you; is all I can say for now.” She did say, “You do know the person and would have been friends if you were in the same groups.”

I had been with Steve the night before on Friday. That Steph said earlier on Friday, “Tell Steve you’re going out with me and some other women.” It was the first hint she wasn’t setting me up with one of her guy friends.

We went to The Legends in Dubuque. It was there I saw and met Katy Wright. Katy had been a friend of Rachel’s but they lost contact. Katy graduated a year before Rachel, went to nursing school.

She said, “My father told me you were working at the John Deere offices last summer. And after the first time, I saw you; I thought we needed to meet… I wanted to meet you away from Rachel as I wanted our friendship based on us.”

I was taken back that a woman at least four years older wanted to be with me. She explained that she went to the U of I for nursing where she came out as a lesbian. The vibes I was getting from her were very strong. We left the Legends and went to The Hearth. She helped me get a good glass of wine, but when I indicated I wanted another she refused. “I’d like to be with you tonight, but I don’t want anyone saying you were drunk.”

We danced twice, both times slowly and close. She didn’t need wine to entice me. She already felt attracted to me and by the time we left The Hearth I was attracted to her. I sent my mom a message: ‘I met someone and am staying the night.

Kate’s my height and what others might describe as a buxom beauty. We stayed awake in her bed talking. We were down to our panties and her bra was a white sheer lace that wonderfully held her gently in place.

She giggled and sexy giggle, “I can tell you are as hot as I am.” It was mostly kissing and petting. She had an unfair advantage in knowing all the erogenous zones. She kissed me as she whispered, “Do you know that you have as many of the erogenous of a woman as you do a man? No wonder it seems easy in your being a woman.”

I have been extremely excited before and enjoyed myself, but tonight persuaded me that I never really had orgasmed before. I am not sure when we fell asleep, but it was 9:00 a.m. when I woke up.

She straddled me and said, “If anyone says, your female hormones can’t have begun to kick in. Don’t argue, simply know they are wrong. I wish we had the solution to take off your breast forms; I am sure your breasts are aroused and have started to bud…”

To be continued…

Previously: Kate and I danced twice, both times slow and close. She didn’t need wine to entice me. She already felt attracted to me and by the time we left The Hearth I was attracted to her. I sent my mom a message: ‘I met someone and was staying the night.
She giggled and sexy giggle, “I can tell you are as hot as I am.” It was mostly kissing and petting. She had an unfair advantage in knowing all the erogenous zones. She kissed me as she whispered, “Do you know that you have many of the erogenous of a woman as you do a man? No wonder it seems easy in you being a woman.”
I have been extremely excited and enjoyed myself, but I never really had orgasmed before. Not sure when we fell asleep, it was 9:00 a.m. when I woke up.
She said, “If anyone says, your female hormones haven’t begun to kick in. Don’t argue, simply know they are wrong…”
Now: Rachel was surprised but delighted in hearing who I am been with. “It is not fully surprising in hearing that you and Katy match up quite well. She wasn’t subdued enough for one guy who had tried dating her.”

Rachel had gone back to UNI for her last semester and I was going back to ISU. Lexi and I made a good adjustment at the apartment. We both care for the other but knew our lives were blossoming.

Kate was nearly working full-time at the University of Iowa Hospitals as well as taking a program to become a physician’s assistant. She invited me to Iowa City saying I was good therapy for her.

I couldn’t help but feel she was great for my becoming Nicole. It was after the second such visit that Lexi and Kayla both commented nicely on how Kate was impacting me.

I was again recruited to participate in the Spring Fashion Show where my cross-dressing had taken hold again. Hers and His Shoes, Forever 21, and Macy’s were all stores I would model for. Dorie my former boss even got me to work part-time for a month leading up to the fashion show.

Working there was easy enough to familiarize me with their products. Kayla’s former flame, Raelyn, came by and was happy to have a saleswoman who took an extra interest in her as a tall woman. It did spark her again her romantic interest.

This time when I modeled I got some payment along with getting outfitted head to toe twice over.

The LGBT groups I was now a regular part of, enjoyed having one of their own participating. My friend Melanie Adams from Forever 21 and another friend had joyfully modeled in this year’s fashion show. It was a bigger event and had grown in the crowd they had attracted. Mom, Rachel, and Haley had made a women’s weekend of it.

I went home during spring break where Dr. Printz poked and prodded me physically and verbally until she was satisfied with my growth as Nicole. She upped the strength of my hormone therapy. Haley, my sister-in-law was with me this time. She had read up on some of what I would go through if I fully transitioned. She was interested in the procedures they used to harvest more semen.

She mentioned hearing from Lynn Dauber, Ken’s Fiancé, and asked whether my sperm could help in that situation if it were needed? It was information I had not known. My mother later told me it was not thought to be true, but that Ken did have the same situation and that was all she had known, from him. It was mention for me not to talk with Ken nor Lynn unless they were the ones to bring up the subject.

I was worried that my friendship with Kristy was cooling, as her work and studies weren’t allowing us to get together. I knew that Kristy had a friend who still may have had some benefits in getting together. And Lexi and Kayla continued to enjoy a night out dancing and being close that night.

It was the week before final exams and I had just finished proofreading one report that I was ready to e-send. Melanie Adams had come over; she asked when it was ready to send if she could send it. “You know,” she said, “I’ve wanted to be something more to you since before last year’s fashion show.”

I hadn’t fully understood what she was saying, and commented, “Well I thought we had become very close friends.”

She asked, “And how many times have we been together like this?” It was then I realized what she was saying and that her pheromones as well as mine had been permeating the room. She said, “I am graduating within weeks, I need to know if there is any chemistry between us.”

She wasn’t just talking about sex, though the feelings were very prevalent. Days later she was the first woman to use a dildo on me as well as have oral sex with me. I was delightfully surprised that I got excited that way.

I was taken back about having another love interest in my life. Melanie had given me another reason to stay on campus and continue to take class to speed up my graduation plan.

A big item standing in my way was my scholarship grant tied to my summer work for John Deere. Mr. Dobbs was insistent that I work again for him in Dubuque. Fortunately, the scholarship was granted to me by Ms. Edith Chambers an executive from the JD headquarters. She had made sure I was reapplying for the grant/scholarship. She was more than excited to have my work at the Ankeny/Des Moines plant and not merely repeat my work experience.

She told me, “We have a new program that we are developing and it would be beneficial to have fresh eyes like yours as we get it off the ground. Would you be open to working ten to fifteen hours during the next school year? You even be able to start investing for your future.”

I knew that a growing number of investors and hedge funds were taking an added interest in John Deere. Ms. Chambers wanted me to learn more about their overall system and didn’t include going back to Dubuque. She also asked me if I’d be open to obtaining a passport as Nicole Strayer. The idea of traveling excited me as well as scared me. She said she’d be going to Europe for a conference near the end of August, and she’d be happy to me escort her. She and the corporation would help me in the application if my doctors would authenticate me as being transgender.

I said, “It all sounds exciting and I’m interested. I need to think it through and get back to you.”

She asked, “Do you have questions, concerning your identity or wanting to work with John Deere?”

I said, “No, I am serious about both; I just think it is too big to rush into without thinking things through.”

She said, “One of the things I’ve liked about you so far is your maturity and good judgment. That would be fine.” She or someone from the Ankeny operations would be communicating with me, about a summer position.

My sister Rachel had called to ask for my help in looking at apartments. She had been interviewed and offered two teaching positions near where she had done her student teaching. She had been given to the end of Monday to review what they were offering and to accept or reject the position.

We were talking over the phone; when Rachel asked, “Who is it that you’re thinking about?”

I said, “Melanie Adams, we had been friends for over a year.”

Rachel said, “I had told you that she liked you, now it seems it goes two ways.”

I told Rachel about my remaining at the university and working for JD at Ankeny. We both knew our parents wanted us near Dubuque, but it was time for us to stretch and establish our lives.

Off the phone with Rachel, thoughts, and feelings had come to mind. I had kept busy enough that only now they took hold.

I took a shower and noticed the feeling of the water cascading over me. My breastforms were not on, the tingling of my breasts, more correct my areolas were evident. My waist and hips announced I was changing. I still had my manhood that would not disappear unless I decided on surgery. But it didn’t respond unless prodded and I had no desire at the moment.

Emerging from my shower and pat drying myself, I uttered my name over and again, “Nicole, Nicole, Nicole Marge Strayer.”

I stepped back to my room and Lexi came in, “Does this mean another step in becoming yourself?” She smiled and celebrated with me. “Where did the middle name come from,” she asked?

“I feminized my mother’s maiden name ‘Mager to Marge’,” I said.

She watched as I took out a new bra, not a C size as went with my breastforms but a B. I did use a small insert to help give me a pronounced B with cleavage.

Lexi said, “I would suggest we go out to celebrate, but I suggest you check your phone. You had a few calls while you were rejoicing during your shower.”

I said, “You’d celebrate with me over these little things?”

She giggled, “I remember that those little things are important to a girl. I think you’ll like the look especially if they keep growing. I like you being one of us.”

I checked my messages and two were from Melanie hoping we could go out together, or that she could go out with us.

I checked with Lexi about going out as a group including Melanie. Kayla was bringing along Brian, Lexi had a Steve, and Jan was bringing Marc, otherwise, people were rendezvousing with whom and however.

I called Melanie and have our car and meet at Cy’s Roost, Melanie and I would end up at Mickey’s Pub. We now had a thing where we’d dance once with Carl and Ray and then share a table at Mickey’s. The group at Cy’s Roost had good chemistry tonight, we might just stay here.

That changed when Brian approached Melanie saying Kayla wanted time with me. Melanie wasn’t in the mood to share me; we went to Mickey’s Pub.

Mickey’s is an Irish Pub. A bartender calls to Melanie, “Méalainí, how’s our girl doing?”

Melanie cops a big smile, “Remember Melanie’s a dark-haired lass. Let’s be nice to me and my friend Nicole tonight. We’ll have two Irish whiskeys.”

I joke about her have a reputation that precedes her. “My reputation is that of a good lass that knows how to enjoy herself.” It was nice to see this side of her out in the open. Her laugh is contagious, and as she said, she enjoys herself and was proud to have fun with me.

Our waitress Grace Byrne tells me, “Don’t give any credence to what the lugs behind or in front of the bar have to say. Melanie here will give you more than your imagination can handle.”

Once she was gone, I turned to Melanie, who said, “I like you hold more than most can imagine, but imagine it well, and nothing defiled. I hope you come to find me as a blessing, not a curse…”

To be continued…

Between finishing my studies, reports, and studying for exams life continued as usual. Melanie and I would find a meal to share each day. I continued to enjoy getting to know her. The fact that she wanted to focus on the environmental sciences both with a high degree of intelligence in research as well as practical application intrigued me. We would go to national or state parks or preserves, but we always went off the beaten path.

Here I was a grown-up farm boy growing as a woman. And she was getting me to see things with a new perspective. She’d ask me questions like: ‘if my brother was under pressure to sell out to larger corporations.’

My brother and father had switched to a cooperative focusing on cheese and ice-cream production. It had gone from twenty-three original members to where they were only one of eight not pressured to sell out or going back to general milk production. They were however able to attract four new dairy farms into the coop and each had grown on average by fifteen percent.

Melanie and my sister Rachel quickly became good friends.

Where I romantically fell for Katy Wright; I came to feel more like a younger woman or a little sister being groomed to be her version of me. My relationship with Melanie was different. It brought a breath of fresh air where I was being encouraged to grow. We had interests in common as well as a love for the other. However, there was more as I learned to see the outdoors and the environment as something to enjoy more and understand better.

She loved my taste in skirts and dresses, but also encouraged me into wearing leggings, jeans, as well as women’s work clothes. As she said, part of the fun in talking me into them was talking me out of them. The wearing of snug jeans, fitness clothing, and leggings were having an impact on my manhood.

She took me out to a stable where we were able to ride horses along Honey Creek. Our horses enjoyed running the trails and along the creek. I knew how to ride, but only the horses and Melanie knew where we were running. It was an excellent way to unwind the stress for the coming exams. We got to a sunny meadow where Melanie unfurled a blanket for us to lie on.

There was a golf course and rural roads not far away, but I was assured we would not be disturbed. Her lips were sultry, like berries dripping sweet and inviting. Her eyes were dazzling as I looked up at her. Her breasts appeared through the top of her blouse. I hungered as Nicole to taste all her goodness. Our hands were under the other’s blouse gliding over our upper torsos. Melanie had my blouse and bra off and was pleasuring herself with my small but aroused breasts.

We quietly enjoyed over an hour on the blanket, before putting ourselves back together. I didn’t know that my hair has sprigs from where we had been. The woman who took our horses and Melanie’s payment rejoiced that we had a good time. Melanie told the woman that while she was graduating, she’d be back. “I wanted to give Nicole a taste of riding horses out here. I am sure I will have her back out here this summer and next fall. Hadley introduced herself, “You are welcome out here on your own. Just remind me that you and April ride well together. You two should take a couple of days to be part of an archaeological site here this summer. It’s a native American village site.”

While we were driving back to campus, Melanie told me about the discovery and that she was already signed up for three days to be at the site. It was believed to be a summer village site. Melanie had a special gratification with me being happy as I shared in her day. “You may not realize how important it is to me that we can enjoy our times of relaxation together.”

She had taken a picture of me enjoying a small blossom and sniffing its delicate scent. To me, it was a meadow flower, but Mel knew it was rare in that area. As she said, it was rarer to find someone to share and adore it with.

I whispered, “You like to soften the life of this farm boy and help my metamorphic transformation into womanhood.”

She said, “Yes, that and Nick will always be savored, and Nicole will be able to blossom fully are important to our relationship.”

I had my reports and projects all done before my first final exam. I was happy and doing well on the exams. They were to be part of my celebrating of another year well learned. Inwardly, I quietly celebrated the many ways in which I was growing.

I had heard from Ms. Martha Hansen from the John Deere Ankeny operations. I was not to be helping to fill vacation slots but to be a summer assistant in an ongoing program. She said, “When you travel with me in August to our Europe operations. You will need to know your stuff and be open to learning how their operations can help us as well. Disconnects are more costly than some understand. I want you to be an asset, not an outstanding cost.”

My summer classes were set up and would work with my job schedule though it meant two long days each week. There would be reading and studying most of the week.

I had gone home and then to Rachel’s graduation on Saturday and Melanie’s graduation on Sunday. Ceremonies not being high on my list were testimonies to my love for both of them. I did travel back with Melanie to her family home near Council Bluffs, Iowa.

Her Dad and one brother John were railroad people and were initially taken back by Melanie’s attraction to a transgender woman. But it was where I learned where her love of horses and horseback riding came from. Mrs. Adams and Melanie’s sisters were first intrigued and quickly very accepting of me.

Her brother Sam Adams was a huge football player type, but his delight was in flowers, plants, and landscaping. He was going to a community college but was smart and in many areas self-taught. He was a lean 230 pounds on a six-foot three-inch frame.

He came up to me and took me aside, “Nicole, I want to encourage you not to be any shrinking violet, especially around my brother and dad. What you think of yourself and what Melanie thinks should count the most. My sister has good taste in people most of the time. I get good vibes about her assessment of you.

“Railroads have their place, and we’re proud of my dad and brother. It’s easier for the women not to be stamped from the same mold. I love flowers, trees, and landscaping that will outlast the people I work for. That I’m strong and like flowering trees and plants is who I am.” With that, he hugged me. His arms were strong, but his embrace wouldn’t have bruised a flower blossom. And I did meet his girlfriend Jennifer Storm.

Her sister Heather and mom, Audra Adams, both surprised us by suggesting we live together. “You know Melanie, you can become pregnant while you do your graduate studies.” I did not learn of this conversation until well into the summer. It then had to do with my moving into an apartment with her.

That I was accepted by Mrs. Adams, sisters Heather and Cara, and brother Sam as I was heading back to campus with Melanie meant a lot more than I had expected. “I am surprised by how well you’ve been taken into my family.”

I said, “I am even more surprised by how well your family, friends, and neighbors are accepting of us.”

“Yes,” she said, “While I don’t expect it is a total surprise that I have lesbian leanings. I’ve tried hard to deny it. I know some at the pub were as surprised by how strong our connection is. I’ve played hard with some guys, and I don’t want that to surprise you. Connie who celebrated with us yesterday was the first girl I shared kisses with.”

“So, her saying, ‘I’m happy for you,’ means more coming from her,” I questioned?

I had suspected I did well on my exams, but to find out I had ‘A’ three exams, had two ‘B+’ and one ‘B’. And even with the B on my exam I still had a B+ for the course. That put me on the honor roll for having over a B+ average.

I had a full two weeks in at work, before Memorial Day weekend, and my summer classes wouldn’t begin until June 1. Memorial Day weekend, I was taking Melanie home with me.

While both ironically are old river towns, we both lived out of town. She loved the bluffs along the Missouri River; I loved the rolling hills and farmland of northeast Iowa. Haley had rustled up some good riding horses. She and Melanie recognized two good horse trails near our farms that I wasn’t aware of. One I had been on with a dirt bike, but riding a horse and having no motor deafening one’s world was a new experience.

We had ridden four miles out and were now walking our horses along the Mississippi River, much of it a hundred feet above the river. Two Harley bikers came toward us to give us a hard time.

It was a rare time for me to experience the hospitality of river people. Two men and their families came out of their homes with three sporting shot-guns. One family ran a hook-up point for barges making their way up and down the river.

The riverman said boldly, “Your biker image doesn’t scare much around here.” When a biker said they could come back with friends. The riverman said, “We already have another two guns on you and others ready. Turn around, and don’t bring back any trouble, or we won’t be so neighborly. You can tell Jeffries, I said hello, and he’ll tell you himself we’re good people, not to be messed with.”

I knew of Jeffries, who had a country bar that served the rural community along with bikers. The other family was the Millers who had owned an old river mill almost a hundred years back. They had the three of us step down from our horses for an informal meal. Mrs. Natalie Miller had recognized me as well as Haley from back when she was Haley Schmidt. “Please, file this where you live in your head; you know where the Schmidt’s live now this is another safe house. Nicole, you should be learning these things and realizing as a young woman you’re more open to the unwanted company and possibly trouble.” Haley and Melanie both acknowledge they often had pepper spray with them.

Mrs. Miller said, “My daughter Terese will be disappointed that she missed you.” I acknowledge knowing Terese is a year ahead of me in school. “I suspect you’ve lost a dress size or two and look more naturally feminine.” Jamie a younger daughter was there and taken by the three of us being warmly received into their home.

Mr. Miller said, “It’s a good learning time for her, being all you are can’t always be easy. Jamie’s told us of how you spoke up for other country kids at school in Dubuque. You can find trouble anywhere, hopefully, you will find as many or more friends. You have friends here.”

I mentioned Traverse who had come out and spoke up for us. Mr. Miller said, “Unwelcomed strangers are too dangerous around here where Traverse is concerned. We had seen the bikers earlier, and when Traverse Phillips saw you three he smelled water and bad fuel oil and knew it didn’t mix well. The Strayer name is good here and while Traverse would have done it anyway. He’d like your dad and brothers on his side if ever needed. It’s part of the way he thinks… I wouldn’t be surprised if Traverse has a journal he writes such things in. I know he told me things his old grandfather wrote a long time ago.”

Melanie spoke up and asked, “Do you think Traverse and yourselves would be open to talking to me. I’m going to grad school at ISU for environmental engineering, and I’m hoping to stay away from becoming a corporation’s P.R. cover woman.”

Hank Miller had called Traverse up and he came over to talk about the possibilities. Running a barge port is not always a clean business. He loves the environment but said he worked in the shady area's part of the time. Here they were only twenty feet above the river and had a river edge that generally went another 100-150 from the base of the hill.

“We have three barges that often bring back north material for you JD friends.”

Part of me was torn, I felt the desire to find Nick’s voice and once again prove I was a man. It was a relief for me to finally ride away come four o’clock. Part of it was that being vulnerable scared me, and part of me thinks not embracing my manhood discounts me in the eyes of others.

When we rode the horses back to the Schmidt’s, Haley drove us back to my house and came in with Melanie and me. She called for my mother and shared with her about our day. “I think, Nick experienced a surprising time of being vulnerable as a girl. He won’t acknowledge it, but I thought you should know.”

Melanie hugged me, “I hadn’t realized that might be what was upsetting you.”

I said, “I wasn’t any more scared than either of you. It just surprised me.”
Melanie said, “I thought being the three of us we’re relatively safe, but then today was an exception to the rule. I’d understand if it got to you a little differently. Like Haley, I want you free to talk about it.”

I said, “It’s just as a guy I felt a responsibility to protect us.”

They began to lightly laugh, Haley said, “It was Nicole who was with us. Natalie Miller knew who you were, and she hadn’t expected that to change the situation. Hank, Traverse, and Natalie had come out with weapons. That was something the bikers understood.”

Mom spoke up, “I’m thankful the three of you women are safe. Nicki, I can appreciate your mixed feelings, but you need to learn to talk them out.”

The larger Memorial Day gathering was at our place. People were celebrating Rachel’s new job at Valley High School in West Des Moines. I was being better accepted by those from Mom’s side of the family who came.

I had a Tuesday appointment with Dr. Printz my GYN/Endocrinologist. She commented on knowing I had a different friend come with me to my appointment. I told her about Melanie and I becoming close friends but taking our time. She was happy that Melanie was accepting me as Nick as well.

She said, “When you have someone in your life and are ready; I would be willing to visit with the two of you, if helpful.”

“I’m guessing you realize that might not be far away,” I said. “But I want to give us more time. I’m not used to a relationship feeling this good lasting very long…”

To be continued…

Previously: I had a Tuesday appointment with Dr Printz, GYN/Endocrinologist. She noticed I had a different friend come with me to my appointment. I told her about Melanie and I becoming close friends but taking our time. She was happy that Melanie was accepting me as Nick as well.
She said, “When you have someone in your life and are ready; I would be willing to visit with the two of you, if helpful.”
“I’m guessing you realize that might not be far away,” I said. “But I want to give us more time. I’m not used to a relationship feeling this good lasting very long.”

Now: “Friendships that are lasting is what I encourage you to develop, romance will take care of itself in time,” Dr. Printz said. I knew she wondered if I was listening.

I reiterated, “I’m hopeful, but as you say, time is key.”

She said, “We have gotten to the point that I’d appreciate it if you called me Dr. Jenn or just Jennifer. I want you open to calling me and to confide in me on an ongoing basis.” She gave me another of her cards and this with her phone number and email address. “Please don’t abuse it or share it with others, but by all means know you can contact me, whenever. You’re on the verge of becoming a young woman in the best sense. Come fall or winter at the latest Nick will be coming your second self forever; do you understand what I am saying?”

It felt good, and I said, “Thanks, Dr. Jenn, and yes, I hear it’s for me and to treat it wisely. That I’ve come this far as Nicole is good. I agree I don’t hate being Nic, but I’m Nicole.”

Dr. Jenn asked who Melanie was to me and asked me to be safe either way. We talked about the possibility of using my sperm to fertilize two or three of her eggs. Dr. Jenn said, "That will be a more appropriate discussion when we have time for the three of us to meet together… If you want I will go out and say hello today. “Her name again is Melanie, is that so?”

“Yes, Melanie Adams, she’ll be a graduate student. We’re talking about living together next fall.”

Melanie felt good about Dr. Printz coming out to meet her. We scheduled my next appointment for the three of us if we were still together. We knew Dr. Printz wasn’t as sure as us if it were to happen.

My job was going well, but my summer courses were more demanding than I originally had planned. Ms. Martha Hansen from the JD Ankeny told me, “Like it or not, I’m going to be more demanding of you a T-woman. We can’t have you messing up and casting a bad light on us?”

Ms. Chambers had insisted that I didn’t hear the critique correctly and just asserted that I needed to apply myself. Which is what I set out on doing. I mastered the computer programs they were using and their various production facilities.

I even went down on the production floor at Ankeny and sat in on numerous staff meetings to understand those procedures. I was being questioned about my doing so by Ms. Hansen when Mr. Mendelson corrected her. “I am glad to see that skirt down on the floor. She helped us twice to rewrite appropriately our manual of procedures. Plants in Germany and elsewhere complimented our clarity.”

It was mid-July when my going to Europe was assured and JD pressed forward for my passport request.

I was on my second round of summer courses found work and education reinforcing my studies. My meals with Melanie and spooning one another at night were my saving grace from insanity. Social greetings between her brother Sam and me provided added amusement for her.

I did get two days with her on her archaeological dig. Using a soft-bristled toothbrush to clarify a finding was a humbling and patience-building exercise. Especially when she hung over me, breathing passion into my ears and coddling her fingers over my breasts.

I spent the last weekend of July, before going to Europe, being filled with experience upon experience spending time with Melanie and a shared moment with my sister Rachel.

Knowing where Germany’s Black Forest was from Mannheim, Germany was not part of my formal responsibilities, but it had won me points. We had a productive but stressful week and I suggested people unwind and enjoy the forest. I hired a guide and a small bus to get us there and back. The relaxed atmosphere for some was a respite and the rediscovery of everyday life. There were four who paired with a spouse or a friend and meandered through two villages and the forest trails. They’d even humbug Friday and Saturday if they crossed paths with one or another. But Saturday evening’s presentation by a ‘clock smith’, horologists, more properly stated. Alfred Mendelson had suggested it from a previous trip he had made. The presenter had two boards displaying all the parts and in his presentation, he asked, “And how does one put them together to make a timepiece? How many things in your lives take more than one or two to bring something about?”

I know at that moment Herr Schmidt huffed, but when it drew attention to him, he did not shy away. “It is true,” he said, “none of us can do what we need on our own. Who we are is bigger than that, and we lost sight of it.” Three of the four stayed up into the night talking and drinking.

Mrs. Chambers came and sat next to me on the trip back to Mannheim: “Things like this happen around you, that is what I value about you.”

I said, “I don’t think Ms. Hansen shares your sentiments.”

Mrs. Chambers remarked, “Her being your boss ends next week; focus on the things she taught you.”

She asked me, “Something has weighed on you during this trip; what’s been your distraction?”

“I missed my time with my friend Melanie.”

Ms. Chambers said, “That to can be an experience, it is like missing the cogs in the wheels that match up with ours. Absence can reinforce what one’s heart finds important.” She added, “Someone told me that you are much like the woman your mother is. I am not sure what Mr. Doobs meant, but it seemed to be given as a compliment.”

I told Mrs. Chambers that I thought she needed to know that Mr. Mendelson in Ankeny was the one who gave me the idea of the presenter for Saturday night. She responded, “You had mentioned that before. Did you hear the compliment about you and your mother?”

I said, “Yes, it’s just that I worry about my mother and how I feel for Melanie.”

Mrs. Chambers said, “Do you really think your mother doesn’t know or won’t be happy for you?”

It was ten o’clock when I was settled back in from our weekend trip. I text Rachel and within fifteen minutes we were talking via WIFI.

“Are you pining away as much as your soul-mate is,” she asked? She went on to tell me that after her first phone talk with Melanie, they have met every third day. Melanie had taken the time to help Rachel set up her classroom. Melanie, she, and our Mom went out to eat and it lasted three hours.

“Mom thought we would talk first. She wanted me to remind you that you have an appointment on August 27, with Dr. Printz. She was surprised, but happy when she learned you and Melanie are scheduled to meet with Dr. Jenn.”

I said, “She knows?”

Melanie said, “Nicole will tell you if and when the time is right.”

It was Wednesday when we arrived back in the United States, but that was back to the corporate office and two full days before I flew into Des Moines and saw Melanie.

I was afraid I was going to cry and make a scene at the airport, but a wave of joy washed over me. I kept my composure as Melanie and Rachel both greeted me. We stopped at Rachel’s, shared a meal, and I thought I’d crash and fall to sleep there. Instead, Melanie poured me into her car and drove back to her Ames apartment.

Once I had showered and our bodies were stirred there was no going to sleep.

I did wake up late in the morning with my phone ringing at 10:00 a.m. and Mrs. Hansen asking why I was not there. I politely told her I worked 24/7 for three days the past weekend so I took today off… I invited her to fire me, as she said I didn’t have the day off scheduled.

“You know very well I can’t do that.”

I said, “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but I’ve earned and needed this time off.” The phone call ended as I felt the warmth of Melanie’s body and mine. My hips and bum have more shape as Melanie’s hands and arms embrace me. My breasts are enough bigger that they heat up in touching the breasts of my love. Our luscious lips still had enough lipstick to make the passionate kiss that much more delicious.

We were back at my home, on the Friday night before Melanie and I would have our an appointment with Dr. Jenn Printz on Monday. We were in my bed and Melanie rolled over upon me forcing my hardness to be pinned between our bodies. “Nicole, I want to consummate our union with Nicolaus. Do you accept your presence into my life heart, body, and soul?”

I said, “But our rings are back at college. I thought we were going to wait until I graduated and you were done?”

She said, “They are outward signs and future dates; this is now and forever lasting.” She raised herself and used her mouth to moisten my head and shaft. She lowered herself upon me. I said, “May our union be forever.”

She was upon me and her legs embrace me and I was in her. We rolled in the bed on a passion-filled night.

We enjoyed the weekend, and family members several times asked if there was more we wanted to tell them. I had tried once to dress as Nick, but the clothes were ill-fitting and my image was now all wrong for him. I did wear one of my guy shirts. It was like one of the songs of a girl wearing a guy’s shirt and short skirts.

Mom called Rachel at her new apartment and asked if she knew what was going on? It was Sunday night with a video call with Rachel that Rachel asked, “You two have consummated your relationship, didn’t you?” My mother looked at the two of us and Melanie squeezed me from behind. “We wanted to do it in hopes that I got the best of Nick and Nicole.”

It was Monday during the extended appointment and the procedure to harvest more sperm and maybe an egg from Melanie. Dr. Pintz looked to Melanie, “You’ve calculated your best ovulation period, haven’t you? I don’t want to try to harvest any eggs today and disturb what may be taking place.”

She took me to her surgery area and harvested my semen. She said, “While I am sure your sperm count is continuing to fall; it takes just one of those wiggly tails to impregnate an egg. There are numerous enough to make a good harvest. Regarding Melanie and this time we will just need to wait and see.

We were back in Ames the following day and classes were soon to start. Melanie would have a limited amount of formal classes, but much work. I was on schedule to graduate a year from this coming December. I had moved into Melanie’s apartment and for all practical purposes, we were living together. Over Labor Day Weekend we made it official that we were engaged, and made our first visit to bridal shops. She had a swatch from a gown she had planned for our wedding. This search was for me.

It was the third week of October and our mothers have scheduled both of us into an all-day spa together. Though the spa people knew who I am, I used glue to hide my testes and penis and present as best as possible as Nicole. The masseuse thanked me saying, “You would present well as Nicole, however, you appeared. Today, we want you to relax, enjoy yourself, as does everyone who loves you.”

Our spa had us come an hour before they were publicly opened, Halle said that they liked an hour to focus on the two of us to begin the day. They provided white cotton thongs for each of us. Melanie had started by not feeling well, but a massage of her head and sinuses relieved whatever her tension was and we continue. Starting in the warm, bubbling spa relaxed us before we were side by side for our massage. Everything was beautiful and I was feeling wonderful. Our foot massages were done as we laid back for our facials. The manicure, pedicure, makeover, and hair were all mine. I had learned to treat my nails and grow them out.

It was 5:00 p.m. when we were ready to check out. Instead of our clothes, they encouraged us to wear two mini wedding dress costumes. There was a note from Eryn and Megan whom both graduated a year and a half ago. “It is our homecoming and we wanted to celebrate with the two of you. We would have felt bad if it turned out wrong, you dressing as a woman. Please let’s celebrate our homecoming.” They indicated they had a wedding suite reserved at the top of the tower hotel; the address and suite number were provided.

There were stockings and heels to go with our other clothes. Melanie was the first to giggle, I remember when they first talked you into modeling as a girl and you came to our store. Enclosed was a picture of the four women then and pictures of them now. My phone rang, and I answered, even though I didn’t recognize the number. It was Megan saying, “We have a limousine outside waiting, how long are the two of you going to be?”

We put on our costumes which were actually quite nice. With our hair, makeup, and everything else done, it was just putting on the clothes and walking out. Many of the spa staff were happy to see our reunion and then seeing us off. We got to the tower hotel and up to the top floor restaurant. There much of the dining area was portioned off for a shower. A light meal and champagne were served. Making two lines were the women of our families and other friends who have shared in our journey. There was a blown-up picture of me in the first dress I had modeled. There was another enlarged picture with me trying on my special dress with Melanie looking on. Kayla, Lexi, and Jan were there, my first girlfriends welcoming me into womanhood. Eryn, Megan, Ivy, and Beth were all there.

Hadley, who I met at the horse stable we used, was there and she had a photo that could only have been taken by a drone. Melanie and I lying on the blanket out in a meadow. The picture was in an envelope, ‘for your eyes only.' A Precious Moment figurine of two young girls kissing. Everything was sweet and appropriate. Delicate gifts were shared that caused us both to blush.

Mrs. Chambers didn’t come but sent a note with a very gracious gift card. The note was to the fact with so many JD locations and today’s computers, you have a job when you want one. The quote of starting pay was surprising.

It was seven weeks since the weekend we made out and Melanie has not had her period. The last gift of the wedding shower was a pregnancy test kit.

Melanie wanted privacy and she went to the suite reserve for us. Everyone else including I were to wait at our reception area. I hadn’t realized at our table small glasses of champagne had again appeared.

Melanie was back with but a small smile. She gave me a glass and we laced our arms to share a toast, “To us,” she said and we each took a sip, “To Nicole who is to be a father.”

The End of the Beginning…