It was Friday Night High School Football and the score was home 20, visitors 21. Home team had the ball with
12 seconds on the clock. This would likely be the last play of the game and visitors were preparing to celebrate.
Almost no one noticed that the home team was shy one man. That was OK, but one man too many would bring
a penalty. No one was looking at the cheerleaders at this critical moment either, or they would have noticed
one cheerleader’s uniform was ill-fitting and appeared bulky and lumpy as if there were other clothing underneath. That, coupled with the fact that the cheerleader was wearing football cleats and appeared to be
wearing shoulder pads, would have certainly caused a stir had the game not been a “cliffhanger”.
Then several things happened almost simultaneously. As the quarterback began the count, the two
cheerleaders on either side of the big “cheerleader” stripped “her” of skirt and top as “she” moved toward the
field and a third cheerleader provided a helmet. The former “cheerleader” was now a boy (albeit a small boy) in
a home team uniform who stepped onto the field just on the “home team” side of the hash mark. He was legally
on the field, but he was yards away from the rest of the players. A split second later, the center “snapped” the
ball to the quarterback, who immediately passed it to the new player, who easily caught the ball and ran for a
touchdown as the dazed visitors began a halfhearted and completely futile attempt to pursue him. He was
small, but they may as well have tried to catch the wind. The score was now home 26, visitors 21. The play hadaken only 9 seconds. The visitors called “time out”. They were mad as hornets and calling for a penalty. The referees conferred, and could find no violation, and had the teams lined up for the extra point kick. The kicker redeemed himself for missing a field goal earlier in the game, but it was just icing on the cake, the game had already been won by the “cheerleader” who hopped into the play at the last second. The visitors, home team, and press all wanted to know who this mysterious player was. The team had been told to keep quiet, but it would be revealed pretty easily. Films of the game showed that the player’s number was “00”, and after looking at the roster and finding no “00”, someone would determine who was missing in the play. The visitors would take every avenue to void the results of the play, but the point was moot. No rules were broken. Legal action was considered. Someone was even asked whether cross-dressing was illegal; desperate times call for
desperate measures. The aggrieved team found, however, that a legal challenge would be expensive and,
most likely unsuccessful.
Immediately after his one job was completed, the extra point kicking, temporary cheerleader, Avery Parks, had
exited the field, showered (quickly), and was getting dressed when the other team members made it to the
locker room. He was, of course, congratulated on winning the game but he refused to accept congratulations
since it was a team effort and the coach had planned the trick play. It was easy for him to refuse
congratulations since he honestly didn’t feel he earned it. It felt strange since he had never been congratulated
for anything related to football. Even the guys who had sometimes subjected him to a bit of “good-natured”
hazing were sincere in their congratulations. That amazed him because he had never heard some of them say
a kind word to him, and he didn’t think such a thing was possible. He was only on the team due to pressure his
father put on the school and on Avery himself. Avery’s older brother, Jeff was a quarterback during his high
school years and had a stellar career which was now continuing in college, but Avery hated football and it
showed. He could catch amazingly well and easily outrun his bulky pursuers, but his small size almost
precluded him from playing at all due to safety issues. It was, however, his small stature enabling him to blend
in with the cheerleaders. That, combined with his catching ability, made the coach decide he was the right
person for the trick play. Avery was glad it worked out for his team’s sake, but mostly for his father’s sake, who
was in the hospital and had to listen to the game on the radio.
―――――――ʘ―――――――
John Parks was glad the team had won his younger son’s last game. He chuckled a little about the trick play
and wondered if his son had a chance to play at all. He felt kind of bad for the pressure he put on his son, but
had felt his son needed some way to “man up”. As much as he hated football, Avery played to please his dad. It
was Avery’s senior year, and both he and his dad knew there would be no college football for him. Avery was
nothing like his big brother; physically, mentally, and any other way with the exception that they were both boys. Avery was only 5’ 7” and weighed only 120 lbs. When his dad first started lobbying to get him on the
team, the coach thought he was joking, but John Parks was not one to let anything get in his way. With “his
son’s” game over, he laid back to relax and listen to the after game stats.
The radio was still playing. “Chuck Jeffreys is here with stats and commentary. What do you say, Chuck?”
“Dad?” Avery was here to visit.
“It was a close game right to the end, but everyone is wanting to know who is the mystery player number zero-
zero who ran that trick play to win the game.”
“Come in, son! How’d you do in the game?”
“We have the name of that player.”
“OK, I guess. I …”
“The name of the ‘mystery’ player who ran for the game-winning touchdown is Avery Parks! Avery is a senior.
He’s 5 ft. 7 in. and weighs in at only 120 lbs., but he has the stickiest fingers I’ve ever seen and he can run like
the wind.”
John looked at the radio, then back at his son with open mouth and wide eyes. “‘OK, you guess?’ You won the
game!”
“H’s not a big kid, but did you see that boy run?”
“Yes, Dad, I finally got to make one play in the last game.”
“This game could still wind up in court, but the losing team has little …”
John clicked the radio off. “The trick play! You were the mystery player! Aw, son, that’s great. I guess you’re a
hero, now?”
“Yeah, kinda. At least I contributed something just before the end of the season.”
“That’s super. Your name will always be linked to that great play. I’m proud of you, Babe.”
“Thanks, Dad.” ’Babe?’ He hasn’t called me that since … never! Maybe the cancer had gotten to his brain. I
wonder how old he thinks I am!
“I know you don’t really like football, but you’ve done a pretty good job anyway. Did I say I’m proud? I’ll say it
again. I’m proud of you, especially with that play tonight. You’ll be going to college in the fall, and you will never
have to play football again. I’m just glad you got that trick play under your belt before retiring. If you didn’t have
a stellar career, you made up for it with that one play. Good job, Honey!”
“Well, he remembered the football game, but now he’s calling me ‘Honey’!”
“Thanks, Dad. You were supposed to get some news today from the doctor?”
“Yeah. Don’t worry about that. I’ll be fine. Where’s your mom?”
“She’s parking the car. She’ll be right up.”
Avery’s mom came into the room, kissed her husband, sat down, and asked, “You told him the news?”
Avery could see that his dad was trying to get her to stop talking, to no avail, of course. “No, Katie, I wasn’t
going to say anything!”
“He’s a big boy.” She turned to Avery, “He has six months.”
“Oh, wow. That’s good, huh dad?”
Katie was shocked, but John just smiled. “Yeah, sweetie, that’s very good.” He turned to his wife. “Avery I had
talked about this before. I told him if the doctor gives a person a time limit that’s the first time they’ve ever had a
guarantee like that.”
“Oh, I see.” My mom relaxed a little. “Well, that’s one way to look at it.”
“I’ve got my house in order. I’ve got plenty of insurance and my will is all in order... I’m ready for my exit. Avery
came through tonight at the game.”
“That’s was pretty amazing.” Katie looked at her son. “Just in case he didn’t tell you, your dad is proud of you.”
“I told him! Years from now, they’ll talk about Avery Parks and the trick play that won the game. Be sure to tell
coach I said, ‘Thank you.’.”
“I will, Dad. I hope I can be as cool as you are if I’m ever told I have six months to live.”
“Well, the secret is, be ready. I’ve talked to God, told him I’m on my way. Of course, he already knows. I can
picture Him on His Throne glancing at his watch every now and then. With my life insurance, your mom won’t
have to work and you’ll be on your way to college.”
“Avery, I hope you realize how blessed we that your dad handled his affairs so well. Some men hardly bother
with insurance and many don’t even have a will.”
“I realize that. Dad, you really did a good job.”
“Thanks, Honey.”
‘Honey’again! Something is wrong!
“John, you’re sure you won’t take chemotherapy?”
“I’m sure. I’ve had enough pain without having to go through weeks of nausea. I guess the next step is to
contact Hospice.”
“Dad, I can’t believe you’re talking so calmly about this!”
“Death is a part of life. I could complain about having only fifty years, but it would do no good, and I don’t think I
should waste any of the limited time I have left complaining.”
Avery sat and let his parents talk as he retreated into what he called his “room”. It was named so because if he
were at home, he would go to his room and think. For the times he couldn’t go to his bedroom, he went to his
‘room’. A ‘virtual room’ was one name for it. He could shut out everything at will, and just think. He thought
about how unusual the night had been; first, making the winning touchdown at the game, pleasing his father.
Second, he finally learned what the result of his father’s long illness would be. Avery hid his feelings, and his
dad’s attitude helped. He realized that his father was braver than Avery had ever imagined. Putting himself in
his dad’s place, he saw himself crying pitifully and begging God for more time. But, to someone only fifteen
years old, that felt like it had to be a very long time in the future. He realized that the only time he didn’t feel out
of place during the game was when he was surrounded by the cheerleaders waiting for the trick play. He was
surrounded by friends; engulfed in their love. They were glad to participate when they were told about the play,
but they were really happy when the coach chose Avery for the “part” because he almost seemed to be one of
them. He had a sweet temperament rarely found in a boy, and they loved him; not sexual or romantic love, but
the love of one girl for another. Yes, Avery secretly identified himself as one of the girls and enjoyed the
closeness and warmth of sisterhood. His closest friend, Anna, knew and understood. That is, she understood
partially. Avery found in her a friend and a confidant. She was a rare find, and he treasured her. He trusted her
with his innermost thoughts and feelings save that tiny secret compartment that he found himself unable to
share for reasons that even he didn’t fully understand. That compartment was not only locked, he wouldn’t
acknowledge its existence to anyone; even to himself. This room was sometimes acknowledged, sometimes
denied.
Yet, tonight his dad called him “Babe” and “Honey”. It’s almost as if he knew ... no, that’s not possible!
“Ready, Avery?”
Silence. Avery’s parents were accustomed to his mental absence. His mom touched his shoulder and he
jumped a bit.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
“They’re not worth it.” This had become the customary dialog after one of Avery’s trips to his ‘room’.
“Tell your dad ‘bye’. We’re going.”
“Bye, Dad. Love you.” Avery hugged his dad long and lovingly. He had hugged his dad many times, but things
were different, now. Any hug, word, or gesture between them could be the last. Tears began to form in his
eyes.
Still holding onto Avery, he spoke to his wife, ”Katie, let me talk with Avery a minute.” Katie went into the hall
and closed the door. John held Avery even closer, “I’ve talked with your mom about what I’m going to say now.
I think you should also talk with her on the subject. You know I was proud of your brother and the things he did
for the team. But he was a natural. He had the size and strength. Not everyone can do what he’s done. You
were too small to even play, but look what you’ve done! I’m just as proud of you. You probably shouldn’t have
been able to even do a lot of the things you’ve done, and I’m just as proud of you as I am of Jeff.” He lowered
his voice to a whisper, “Avery, there’s a song by ‘Fleetwood Mac’. It’s called, ‘Go Your Own Way’. I’m on my
way out in less than six months.” He kissed Avery on the cheek, then whispered, “Go your own way, my
beautiful daughter.” He then hugged Avery tighter and longer. This hug was different somehow, but Avery
couldn’t quite understand how or why. He released Avery, then kissed him on the cheek once more and
whispered, “My beautiful daughter Go your own way, and start today”. After that Avery saw a tear in his dad’s
eye. The look he gave Avery was also different. It was as though he was looking at Avery for the first time.
Avery stood and looked at his father, puzzled. His father just smiled through his tears and waved.
Avery managed a forced smile in return as he looked back once more at his dad and thought, “Will I ever see
my dad again?” He dismissed the thought and consoled himself, “He’s got six months.”
As Avery’s mom drove home, she asked him, “Can you tell me what your father talked to you about?”
“He mentioned the song ‘Go Your Own Way’. He told me he wants me to do that.”
“That’s all?”
“I think he’s losing it, Mom. He called me his ‘beautiful daughter’.”
“So, you don’t have any idea why he would say something like that?”
“No!”
“Avery, one thing about you that I’m proud about is that you are a terrible liar!”
“I am? You’re proud?”
“You are, and I think that’s because you hate to lie. That says a lot about your character. Avery, I’ve watched
you. You don’t lie often, but when you do, I can tell, and I can see after you’ve told a lie that you are miserable.
Being caught in a lie makes you even more miserable. That makes me proud.”
“That’s weird!”
“Not really. Think about it this way. There are people who it seems would rather lie than tell the truth. Telling a
lie doesn’t bother a person like that and even being caught in a lie is no big deal as they see it. Having a child
like that would be a nightmare, and such a child would not be headed for a very successful life. Now, since you
hate to lie, and you wouldn’t want to be caught in a lie, let’s just start over with my question. Your dad called
you, ‘my beautiful daughter’. My question is, ‘Do you have any idea why he would say something like that?’”
“He said he talked with you about it!”
“He did. So you have anyidea what your dad meant when he called you ‘my beautiful daughter’.”
“Do we have to talk about this?”
“Not immediately, but it’s easy to see that you know what the issue is, and we need to talk about it pretty soon
because this is not going to get resolved if we just ignore it. If it continues unresolved, it will almost certainly
cause big problems for you in the future.”
Avery put his head down and didn’t speak for several seconds.
Finally, his mom said, “Avery?” Then she looked at him. He still had his head down, and a tear fell on his jeans.
“Oh, Avery, I know it’s hard to talk about this, but I’m not going to be mad, criticize you, or ridicule you. I’m your
mom and I love you more than you can understand. You won’t understand my unconditional love until you have
kids of your own. I know you’re tired after the game and after hearing the news about your dad. In the morning,
let’s try to talk, OK? I won’t ask any more questions tonight.”
“OK.”
Avery put his head back and closed his eyes. They rode home in silence, and both went to bed. Neither could
sleep very well because of the terrible loss they would soon experience and the important, but stressful
conversation they would have the next morning. The body insists on getting some sleep, however, and they
rested just enough to make it through the next day. Tomorrow would be one of those “I remember where I was
when” days, and it would be a turning point in Avery’s life, as well as for the family.
Saturday morning Avery awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking. Mom was fixing a nice breakfast so, presumably, he would have a full stomach to make a full confession. When he went into the dining room, she put a full plate in front of him and inquired, “Can we talk after breakfast?”
He gave the only answer he felt would satisfy her, “Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you, Honey. You know ….” Her cell phone chimed. She looked at the screen and the blood went from her face. “Hello?”
A pause, then, “Speaking.”
Another pause. She sat down hard in her chair, “No!” Her voice cracked. She put her head down, her forehead in her free hand. “Yes, I’m …. Yes, I’ll …. Yes ... about a half-hour. Thank you.” She clicked her phone off and looked at Avery; her eyes were suddenly red as though she had been crying for hours. “Your dad died this morning.”
Avery felt his entire body start to go numb. Had he been standing, he would have fainted. He held tightly onto the table. “No! Mom! That can’t …. Oh, no … my daddy!” He covered his face with his hands. “God, please! My daddy! No, God.” He wanted to plead his dad’s case to God, but he didn’t know where to begin. No one had ever said to him the words, ‘Your dad died,’ and they didn’t make sense. “Mom, I can’t ....” He managed to stand up and stumble over to his mom. She also stood and placed his head on her shoulder as he began to sob. “What are we gonna do, Mom?” Avery was a kid. Mom was an adult. Surely, she had a plan. Surely, she could make this not happen! His dad had six months! It’s not fair! The doctor promised! He closed his eyes tightly and saw his dad’s smiling face, but it offered no comfort. It only made the pain nearly unbearable. “My daddy! I wanted …. I wanted to tell him …. He was …. He was….” His mom was weeping also, but she seemed to be in control. She felt she had to appear to be in control for Avery’s sake. They couldn’t both be helpless.
“Avery, your dad loved you, and he knew you loved him! You made him proud at the game last night.”
Avery recovered somewhat. “Mom, is it a mistake? Hospitals make mistakes!”
“I’m sorry, Honey, it’s no mistake. You’re going through denial. It’s the first step of grieving. Your dad died of a massive heart attack.”
“Mom, he said it would be less than six months, but I didn’t think ….”
“He didn’t know, Avery. Your dad felt like it would be quicker, but I’m sure he didn’t think it would be this quickly.”
“Mom, we can’t do without Dad!”
“Avery, we’re always going to miss him, but your dad made sure we would be OK financially. He took care of insurance and everything else. He loved us that much. He was a good husband and a good dad.”
“Oh, Mom, I’m sorry I didn’t want to play football when he wanted me to so bad!”
“But, you did play, and he was proud of you for that! Avery, at a time like this, it’s natural to have regrets. You realize that there are things you wanted to tell him; ‘I love you’ is usually first on the list. You told him last night, and many times before that verbally and in other ways. He knew you loved him by the look in your eyes when he came home. He mentioned to me that when he came in the door you always smiled and said, ‘Hey, dad’.’ He said that was his favorite time of the day. Several times he told me that he wondered what he did to deserve such a beautiful, loving child. When you love someone, they will feel it. He felt your love for him, and he loved you unconditionally in return. Still, you were so lucky to have that talk with him last night and tell him ‘I love you’ one last time.”
“You gonna call Jeff?”
“I’ll call the school. They’ll have someone break the news to him. I’m going to tell them not to let him drive. I’ll arrange for him to fly home. He’s going to feel bad that he wasn’t here.”
“What am I gonna do now?”
“Come with me to the hospital. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself.”
“I don’t want to be here by myself. I don’t want to be anywhere.”
“I know you’re confused. You don’t know what to do. The grieving process is not pleasant. You’re very young to lose your dad. Remember, it’s OK to cry. There’s no need to try to hold back the tears. Get some clothes on real quick and let’s go.”
They got into the car and headed out. This was a different world for Avery; a world without his dad. They passed a pedestrian, and Avery thought, “Why should that guy have life and my father none?” Thousands of thoughts went through his mind and it wasn’t long until the tears resumed. His mom gave him a tissue, and he dried his face and blew his nose. Yes, it’s OK to cry, but he didn’t want to walk through the halls of the hospital sobbing.
His mom seemed to read his thoughts, “People who work at the hospital see a lot of crying. Don’t worry about it.”
His mom gave her name at the front desk and there was no waiting. The receptionist turned around partially and called, “Anna?” A nicely dressed young lady came from a nearby office. Avery thought about his friend by that name and realized he wanted to talk to her. Now was not the time, however, because “Hospital Anna” was going to escort his mom and him through the maze of offices, paperwork, and interviews that must be maneuvered. The hospital knew that without help, a person who was already disoriented from the grief of losing a loved one would hardly be able to find their way through the complex process.
Anna offered her condolences and they began the journey. Even with Anna’s help, it was about two hours before they could go home. Avery thought the hospital put a lot of effort into making sure they got paid. The cashier seemed tense, but relaxed and smiled when she saw that she wasn’t dealing with a deadbeat. Because his dad had handled things so well, his mom would not be struggling to pay off an enormous hospital bill.
Finally, Anna told them that everything was completed. She again offered condolences and asked them if they had any questions. When Katie assured her that they had no questions, Anna said, “goodbye” and Avery’s mom thanked her and complimented her on how well she handled everything. Avery also thought she did a remarkable job. He figured that the hospital must have screened carefully to find a person suitable for this task. It was, after all, a difficult task, requiring a tactful person with a pleasant personality and a lot of patience.
When they got in the car to head home, Katie got on her phone and called Jeff’s school and told them what had happened. They would call Jeff in and tell him, and book a flight for him and send her a bill for the airfare. She clicked her phone and hung up. “Feeling better, Honey?”
“A little better, how about you, Mom?”
“I’ll make it, Honey. Do you want to call your friends?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll call in a few minutes. I’d hate to break down in the middle of a phone call. Maybe I’ll rest a little when we get home.” Actually, he wanted to wait so he could talk to his friends in private. He wasn’t concealing anything; he just liked his privacy.
They arrived at home and Avery’s mom told him, “Go rest a bit. I’m going to try to rest a little myself.”
Avery lay across his bed and thought about the last words he heard his dad utter, “my beautiful daughter”. How could he possibly know? He couldn’t know! This secret was so well concealed … well … he couldn’t know! Did Mom know? Suddenly, Avery knew why his mom was so adamant that they talk. Of course, she couldn’t know either. He smiled as he thought, “They couldn’t know … I barely know!” He realized there was a fact that he had to acknowledge; his dad knew and his mom knows. His mom would probably tell him where they got their information. Wait! He didn’t have to ask her! History! His parents gave him a computer with the requirement that they had the password! One of them looked at the “history” of his web browser. They would have found extensive searching for “sex change”, “gender change”, “male to female”, and the like. They would see the stories about cross-dressing and gender reassignment on “Big Closet”. He felt stupid. He could have easily erased those sites on his “history”. They wanted his password so they could make sure he wasn’t going to porn sites or possibly endangering himself by being careless with his personal information. He knew, of course, that there was no problem there, but as time passed he got careless. He thought that they would check things out when he first got the computer, find no problems, and see no need to continue monitoring.
Now, he realized that he may as well have announced at the dinner table, “Mom, Dad, I’m sick of trying to fit in as a boy. I’ve been researching the issue on the web and I want to get a sex-change.” He wondered why they didn’t confront him about the issue; to give him enough rope to hang himself? It didn’t matter. His mom wanted to “talk” and now he knew the subject. He was OK when he didn’t know they were onto him, but now he didn’t know if he could even face his mom. A boy wanting to be a girl was the subject of ridicule, jokes, even violence. It seemed like the idea was distasteful to everybody, and he had to explain to his mom why he was researching the issue on the web. That’s it!; A research paper for school! He was certain that she wouldn’t buy it for one second. She would look at him and say, “Really!”
Her “Really” would not be a question. It would not mean “Really? Oh, that’s what you were doing; I see!” It would mean, “Really! You can’t be thinking I’m gonna buy that!” He was trapped! He would have to say, “OK, Mom, you got me … I’m just a big thissy!” At the thought of himself saying that with a limp wrist he had to smile. Well, he either had to laugh or cry, and he was pretty sure his inventory of tears was depleted. He decided that he had to just get ready for the pain and be honest. How would he tell her? Ah! He would let her ask questions and he would answer honestly. Wait. Dammit! Yes, honestly! He would take his punishment. What? Grounded for life? Forced to go to the store in a dress? No, his mom would not submit him to humiliation. There was nothing he could do, but wait until his mom decided “talking” time was here.
Avery lay down and was able to sleep just a couple of hours. The rest of the day, He was barely functional. He would start working on something only to lose interest. Scenes of him with his dad kept coming back to his mind. Finally, he gave up, went back to bed, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.
Due to the circumstances, Mom gave Avery a temporary deferment regarding discussion of what she knew were probably serious gender issues. It wasn’t discussed because they both realized they were in no condition to attack issues other than the one all-consuming issue at hand.
Jeff came home and big brother was at least as lost and disoriented over losing Dad as Avery. Jeff and his dad were like-minded about so many things and had developed an incredible father-son bond. Oh, the love between Jeff and Dad was not greater, but Avery could not watch a football game and discuss team statistics. Avery marveled at Jeff and Dad’s knowledge of pro football and baseball, but he could not work up an interest in those things himself. Avery’s areas of expertise were art, music, and especially fashion. Regarding fashion, he knew everything from, “don’t wear white after Labor Day” to “don’t wear cap sleeves if your shoulders are just a bit broad”, and a multitude of fashion rules, tips, etc. He actually didn’t know where he got some of his knowledge on the subject; that’s how it is when one pursues his or her passion. His parents would have been amazed (and possibly disappointed) if they became aware that he knew as much about fashion and the like as his father and brother knew about sports.
―――――――ʘ―――――――
The next few days were a blur. Avery accompanied his mom to make arrangements at the funeral home. He was much impressed by his mom’s knowledge of all things to be done following the death of a family member. Mom expressed her thanks for his support.
With big brother home, Avery didn’t have the privacy to do the things he wanted to do. Big brother was unabashed about showing his grief, and Avery tried in vain to remember seeing him cry before. Yes, Avery cried, but he was not his brother. The difference between them was a lot more than years. Jeff was all boy, and now was all man, where Avery was a tender, sensitive soul. Jeff didn’t mistreat his little brother but was sometimes just a bit embarrassed by him. He ceased to allow Avery to play baseball with the guys. Avery threw like a girl; “pushing” the ball from his shoulder, rather than using his arm to “fling” the ball like most boys do. A ball thrown by Avery would take a slow arc about 20 feet before dropping and rolling another yard or so. Avery tried, but couldn’t get the hang of throwing. He gave up out of embarrassment, and his brother mercifully allowed him to quit.
Still, there was brotherly love. Their father had taught them the value of family and loyalty to family. He wouldn’t tolerate bickering or insults among family members. He used to say, “You’ll love each other if I have to kill you!”
―――――――ʘ―――――――
The day of the funeral came. Avery was sure he had cried out all his tears, and he thought Jeff would be sure not to cry in front of the crowd either. He was wrong on both counts. Avery saw the strongest and best man he ever knew laid out in a coffin, and a fresh, new batch of tears flowed. Jeff unabashedly cried like a baby.
Also
The first man to address the congregation just had the task of giving the name of the deceased, the date and location of his birth, and a bit more information. The information included, “He leaves behind his wife, Katie, two sons, Jeffrey and Avery….”
Avery cringed at the words “two sons”. How much longer would she have to endure such insults? Oh well, the guy had no way of knowing.
The minister couldn’t have been over 5 ft. tall, and Avery expected him to speak in a nasal, high pitched voice. He had, however, the voice of a professional announcer. He opened his Bible and boomed out some verses: 'I’d like to read from Ecclesiastes 3, verses three through eight:
‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.’”
He closed his Bible and look at the mourners. “This is a time to mourn, for we will miss our brother. He was a strong man and a good man. He was quick to laugh …”
Avery went to his “room”. He was looking at the carpet between his feet, but thinking about his Dad’s last words to him, “My beautiful daughter”. Yes, he knew, and Mom knew. They probably knew better than he did. Avery thought about what he wanted. Could he do it? Could he take the abuse, name-calling, and possible violence that would come his way? Sitting there at his Dad’s funeral, he made a decision; not so much a decision as a realization. He wasn’t a boy. He had to “come out” and live as a girl. His Dad gave him permission, and his Mom was probably “on board”, too. He was ready for his talk with his mom. He had dreaded it, but now he knew he was at a turning point. He reached to his left and held his mom’s hand and put his head on her shoulder. He cared not if people thought it was strange. Dad is gone. Mom will be my strength and my guide through the uncertain times ahead. He looked across the room and saw his friend, Anna, who telegraphed her sympathy with her eyes. His mom and Anna would help him adapt to a new life. Being a girl couldn’t be that hard! Girls did it! He smiled to himself. He knew better. It would be complex, with many pitfalls. He had a head start. He already lived as a girl as much as possible without attracting a lot of attention. He looked forward to never again having to endure the stench of the boys’ locker room and hear the dirty jokes and the filthy language that boys thought made them sound tough. A lot of people think that girls put on an act, but Avery knew that boys were the bigger actors. Boys’ acts included being too tough to have feelings. If a boy had a girlfriend, he would say the filthiest things about her in the locker room. If Avery were to tell any of the girls what their boyfriends said about them, it’s doubtful they would believe him. He hardly believed it himself. If any of them did believe him, there would be hell to pay for the offending boyfriend. There would also be hell for Avery ….
“Come on,” Avery’s mom whispered. The room had emptied of everyone except the family. They were now to pass the coffin and view Dad for one last time. Avery tried to steel himself, but when he heard his mom and his brother crying it was no use. He sobbed uncontrollably.
“Oh, my Daddy!” Avery’s body went numb as a precursor to fainting. He felt some strong arms holding him upright. It was his brother. Despite his own grief, Jeff was holding him up, and Avery felt the love in his brother’s hands. With Jeff’s help, Avery managed to walk out of the room and into the bright sunlight where all the other mourners had gathered. Avery had always thought it odd how the mourners always watched as the family exited as if they were trying to make sure the family cried enough. If that was the case, Avery was sure he passed the test. The family got into a big, black limousine for the slow, somber ride to the cemetery. Policemen on motorcycles escorted the line of cars through red lights and stop signs. Cars coming the other direction pulled to the side of the road in respect. The limousine found the spot in the cemetery, and six men took the casket from the hearse and placed it under an open tent. The family sat in chairs provided by the funeral home. The casket remained closed. Avery realized bitterly that he would never lay eyes on his father again, and a fresh supply of tears began to trickle down his cheeks. The preacher said a few words and a prayer and the service was over. An attendant handed roses to the female members of the family … and Avery! How did he know? Avery had frequently been treated as a female regardless of his male clothing. He wondered if he had a female “aura”. He smelled his rose and knew that, after today, that smell would transport him back to this place and time. He would put the rose into a vase when he got home to be kept as long as it would last. He got back in the family car with the others for the ride back to the funeral home to get their car. They would get into their car and go to their home that would be missing one family member. It would be a very long time, if ever, before they became accustomed to Dad’s absence.
Mom whispered to Avery, “Can we talk when we get home?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mom looked surprised, but said, “Good!”
At home, Avery couldn’t wait to get into some more comfortable clothes. He would have liked one of his dresses, but figured that was rushing things a bit. He put on jeans and a t-shirt and sat at the dining room table to wait for his mom. He got back up and went to put his rose in a vase. He filled the vase with water, cut the stem at an angle, and placed the vase in the center of the table. Now, he was ready. It took his mom about 10 minutes, but he waited patiently. When she came into the room, she looked a bit surprised. “Oh, I guess you are ready! She glanced at the rose. Did you know they only give roses to female family members?”
Avery smiled. “I wasn’t sure, but I thought that was the case.”
“You feel like you’re entitled to a rose?”
“Yes, ma’am!”
“Well, that tells me a lot. I think that takes care of most of our talk. All that remains is to work out the details.”
“Where is Jeff?”
“He headed to a friend’s house. I’ve talked with him about this. He’s a little freaked, but after he thought about it a little, he said, ‘Yeah, I can see it!’ I don’t think you get any hassle from him.”
“Cool.”
“So you’re a girl?”’
“Well, not physically, but in every other way, it seems like it.”
“Well, I already have an appointment for you with a therapist. It will be her job to take the guessing out of this and make sure this is not just a passing phase. I’m pretty certain it’s not, but we have to get an expert opinion.”
“When is the appointment?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Wow, why so fast?”
“It’s not fast really. How long have you felt like this?”
Avery thought a bit. “As long as I can remember.”
“So, you can see we’re not moving fast at all. We should have done something much sooner.”
“Mom, it will be OK this summer, but what about when I have to go back to school? I don’t think I can handle that.”
“Honey, we’ll work it out. We’ll start immediately after graduation. I wouldn’t expect you to just show up at school as a girl and tell everyone, ‘Surprise!’ If you want to, you can take a year or half a year off before starting college. That will give you some time to adjust.”
Avery smiled. Going back to his old school as a girl even for one day would be chaos, and he would be right in the middle of it. “Going back now as a girl wouldn’t be fun.”
“No, it wouldn’t. Honey, I know you’re tired with all the stress of today. In the morning, why don’t you move all your boy clothes over to one side of your closet and bring your secret stuff out of hiding... I have a feeling you have very good taste in clothing, and I would like to see what you have. For now, why don’t we relax, have some dinner, and get to bed early.”
“Ok, and Mom?”
“Yes, dear?”
“Thank you for making such a wonderful man my dad.”
“Wow! Thank you, Baby. I don’t think many kids would think to thank their moms for that! Only a very special child would say something like that.”
“Well, I’m thankful that when you married Dad you got one of the rare gems!”
“On top of everything, you have the makings of a poet!”
“I don’t think so. I think I heard that term somewhere.”
“Well, even if you borrowed it, I know you mean it from your heart. You’re right; your father was a rare gem.”
“Mom, I’m just gonna lay across my bed a little. It really has been a stressful day.”
“OK, Honey, rest as long as you like.”
Avery put on a nightie and snuggled into the bed. The silky nightie and the soft bed felt wonderful after a day filled with stress. Drifting off to sleep was easy.
It seemed like just seconds ago Avery had snuggled in a warm bed in a dark room. He awoke to a room that was bathed in sunlight. He headed toward the kitchen, stopping for a bathroom break. He found his mom at the kitchen table, reading some papers.
“Hello, Sweetie. Oh, we don’t go around the house in just a nightie. Go slip something on over it.”
“Sorry, Mom”
“Don’t be sorry. Little girls have to be taught.”
Avery smiled at that as he went back to his room to slip on an oversized t-shirt. The shirt featured a picture of Brad Pitt. Brad was one of those rare guys that Avery thought were cute. He walked back into the kitchen, sat down, and stared blankly.
“What’s the problem, Honey?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Dig all your girl clothing out of the hiding places and put them on one side of your closet, with your boy clothes on the opposite side.”
“That’s weird!”
“I know it feels weird but remember, I’ve already seen some of these clothes. The clothes are fun and pretty and you’ll enjoy wearing them, but you’ll miss out on one of the most fun and interesting things most girls experience.”
“What’s that?”
“Menstruation!”
“Yeah, I hate to miss out on that. I’ve heard it’s so much fun!”
“It’s a dirty job, but somebody else has to do it!”
“I would gladly suffer through it if it meant I could give you a grandchild, Mom.” Avery’s voice broke and a tiny tear started to form.
Katie held out her arms and Avery gladly accepted a hug. “Honey, we’ll put that responsibility on Jeff. You’ll be a wonderful aunt and adoption is always an option.”
“Thanks, Mom. I know how to be a great mom because I have a great example to follow.”
“Thank you, Honey!”
“Oh, I was talking about Anna’s mom.”
“Are you trying to get me to disown you?”
“Mom, you know I’m joking. If you were a bad mom, I wouldn’t joke like that. Mom, you’re so cool about this!”
“I am now. I was stunned when I first realized what was going on. Your dad seemed not to be fazed about it. He actually helped me to understand. He had done a lot of research on the subject and found that this is a serious matter and is rarely resolved without professional help. Even with that it is hardly ever ‘cured’ and there have been suicides linked to it. He said, ‘This is our child. We want her to be happy.’ After he saw what was happening he always referred to you in the feminine while the two of us were discussing it.”
“OK, Mom. I like that. One question?”
“Yes?”
“Did you really want a girl when you had me?”
“What a question! I love you more than ….”
“You’re dissembling! So you did want a girl!”
“I’ll never tell! Wait a minute … dissembling? Have you been secretly studying the dictionary?”
“Mom, it’s ok. You have a girl … one with a good vocabulary.”
“Oh, that’s right! I’m trying without much luck to get her to work on her closet!”
Avery stood up. “OK, I’m going. It’s a big job, with say … 400 dresses and ….”
“That’s probably pretty close. Let’s count them after you get them sorted out, OK?”
“OK, thanks, Mom. Actually, we don’t need any hangers. All my clothes are already on hangers.”
“… unlike your ‘boy’ clothes which never made it to hangers!”
“Well, it was hard for me to hang up someone else’s clothes!” Avery headed to his room to un-hide her clothes.
Avery’s cell phone buzzed. “Hello, Anna.”
“You OK?”
“Yeah. It’s good to hear from you.”
“Want some company?”
“I would love it … if you’re the company, that is.”
“Be there very soon.”
“You won’t believe what I’m doing.”
“What?”
“I’ll tell you when you get here.”
“OK.”
Anna couldn’t stand suspense. She would run the 2 blocks to his house. Avery went to the front door and she was there almost as soon as Avery was.
“Come in, beautiful.”
“Tell me! What?”
“I’m arranging my sock drawer.”
“Wow! Sounds exciting. Seriously, what?”
Avery told his friend about his dad’s last words, “My beautiful daughter”, and about his parents knowing all about his secret stash of clothing.
“My mom made me an appointment for a counselor to talk about whether I want to be a girl.”
“Really!? Avery, I’m so happy for you! Are you happy?”
“Yeah, but it’s not done, yet. Right now, she wants me to get all my clothes out and hang up my clothes separately from the boy clothes.”
“I’m gonna have a new girlfriend. I think I’m more excited than you are!” She noticed Avery’s eyes were welling up. “What?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been unhappy for so long. If it wasn’t for you and the other girls, I don’t know what I would have done.”
Avery’s mom came into his room right as Anna took Avery into a comforting hug and tears began to flow. “Y’all get a room! Oh, I guess y’all have a room. What’s the matter, Honey?”
“I don’t think she knows, Mrs. Parks. She’s gone through a lot lately.”
“Since you say ‘she’, I guess she has updated you on what’s going on.”
“Yes, ma’am. She’s happy, but she’s confused. It’s all a bit much.”
“I’ve really got it good, Mom. I just look like I’m gonna cry and I get a hug from the prettiest girl in school!”
“I could tell if you were faking. I know you too well, Avery.” Anna turned to Katie. “Don’t tell Avery I told you this, but she is the most sensitive, kind, caring, compassionate, unselfish person I’ve ever known.”
“Oh, I won’t tell her. She’s also humble, and I wouldn’t want her to lose that.”
“What?” Avery acted clueless. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.”
“I’ll help you sort clothes,” Anna offered.
“Cool! I hope I can find them all. I’m pretty good at hiding.”
My mom smiled. “If you can’t find something, just ask me. I think I know where everything is.”
“Mom! You put me through a lot of stress by letting me think I was hiding this stuff!”
“Well, you enjoyed being sneaky!”
“Maybe a little.”
Anna was growing impatient. “Dig ‘em out, Avery! Let’s see what you have. Maybe do some try-ons.”
Avery moved “boy” clothes aside and got the dresses, tops, and skirts hanging on hooks on the wall behind them. He got two pairs of shoes from a shelf that could only be seen by someone going into the closet, turning around, and looking up. He got makeup, nail polish, and various other items from secret compartments in his dresser drawers.
“Wow, you’re good!”
“Thanks, Anna, but I’m glad I don’t have to hide this stuff anymore.”
Anna got an outfit together and put it in the bathroom. “Put this on, then I’ll do your makeup.”
Avery went into the bathroom and put on the skirt, top, and shoes that Anna had put in there for her, then obediently went and sat down at the dresser to have her makeup done. Anna put just a little makeup on her, saying, “Less is more.” Then she started brushing Avery’s hair. “You have thicker hair than a lot of girls I know … and it has a beautiful texture. Maybe we can take you to a salon. They can cut just a little, but mostly it needs a feminine shape to it.”
Avery’s mom came in just then and was somewhat taken aback. “Oh, Anna, you’re an artist!”
“Well, it’s just a really good raw material. Avery was meant to be a girl.”
“Avery, I want to say something. There’s no sense keeping it from you any longer. I wanted a girl when you were born.”
“I knew it! You got one, Mom!”
“It’s obvious to me now! I know it seems like we’re moving fast, but there are two factors at play here. One is your age. It won’t be long until puberty sets in. If we wait too long, I could end up with a daughter with a beard. The other factor is that we’re actually not moving too fast. We just got a late start and we need to catch up. Avery, you’ve been dealing with this on your own for a very long time. Your dad and I had been talking about this for a while. He knew this had to be handled soon, and he made me promise I would take care of this because he also knew he would not be around long enough to do it. He knew. That’s why he said the things he said to you. He didn’t want you to think you would be doing something that he wouldn’t want or something to disrespect his memory. He knew you were struggling, you needed help and he would have supported you if he were here.”
Avery’s tears were now flowing, so he looked at Anna with the tears in his eyes and said, “Well?” She obligingly hugged him long and close.
Mom smiled at the two kids. “Anna, I’m glad Avery has you, and I’m glad I have you. I’m afraid things are going to be tough around here before too long and we’re going to need all the help we can get.”
“Mrs. Parks, I have loved Avery from the moment I met … her. When you say all those good things about her it reminds me of a term I heard in church: ‘Preaching to the choir’. In other words, trying to convince someone of something they already believe. I feel like I’m lucky to have Avery for a friend, and it will be a labor of love to help her become the girl she was meant to be. I’ve done some with her hair and makeup, but we need to take her to a salon to get her hair done and get her nails in shape.”
It was Avery’s time for input. “For makeup, I’m fine with ‘less is more’, but when it comes to nails, I want red. Not pink, not kind of red, not see-through red; I want red.”
“Anna, if I’m hearing her right, I think she wants red for her nails.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m getting that vibe.”
“Well, Honey, are you ready for a trip to the salon? This will be the first, but definitely not the last.”
“Yes, ma’am, but I still have to go to graduation.”
“You can tuck your hair under your cap. As for nail polish, fold your arms and no one will see. Or, maybe just let them see it. Do you care at this point?”
“I’ll have to think about that.”
Anna gave me a little hug, “Are you excited, Avery?”
“Yes, I am. Mom, you said you talked to Jeff about this. What did he have to say?”
“He was a little surprised, but he realizes that times have changed. He’s heard of this type of thing; he’s just a little surprised that it’s so ‘close to home’. I asked his opinion, and he said, he would back you 100%, and wouldn’t stand for anyone subjecting you to ridicule or violence. You’re very lucky to have a big brother like him. Now, on to the salon! Anna, can you go with us?”
“I’m sure I can. I’ll just text my mom that I’m going shopping with y’all. I’ll explain it to her later.”
Mom stopped. “Oh, a couple of things I forgot to mention. Just a second.” She left the room and came back with padded panties, a waist clincher, and a bra with inserts. “This stuff will give you a nice shape until you get hormones and your body gets a feminine shape without ‘help’”.
Katie called her favorite salon and found they had an opening in about two hours. The trio headed out to have some lunch before Avery’s virgin salon visit. When Avery stepped out of the door at her home, “self-conscious” would have been an understatement. The hem of her dress was 3 inches above her knee. Her 2-inch heels added to her discomfort. She told herself, “You’ll get used to this, but it will be a very long time.” Actually, she began to become accustomed to her new outfit and persona during this outing.
“Avery when you walk,” Anna suggested, “bend your arms slightly and put the palms of your hands forward. Take short steps putting one foot directly in front of the other, and keep your feet almost parallel to the ground. This will make it almost impossible to walk like a boy.”
Anna was right. This was better than concentrating on the hips. When Avery took this advice, the hip movement came naturally.
They had a leisurely lunch and Avery got numerous tips about table manners as a girl. She thought back and realized that he had seen some of the differences in how girls behave at the table, but he had accepted these differences as just the way things were. She also realized that it would look odd for a girl to have the lack of manners at the table that a boy exhibits, and recognized that she had a lot to learn. It was, after all, “a whole different sex”! One thing that she concentrated on was keeping her knees tightly together. Anna told her that, even if she got everything else right, open knees would make people wonder about her reputation.
Avery was very pleasantly surprised by her salon visit. Never had she experienced such comfort and luxury. It felt different and wonderful to have people make such a fuss over her. She got her red fingernails and toenails. Her hair was washed, dried, trimmed, and shaped. The salon girl trimmed and brushed repeatedly and it felt like she was losing a lot of hair. When her hair was done, her chair was turned around for her to view the result. To say she was stunned would be an understatement. Avery looked in the mirror and a beautiful teen-aged girl looked back. She could scarcely believe that this beauty was her and she was almost embarrassed that she couldn’t stop smiling. The sheet that had been placed over her was removed; an indication the job was finished.
She got out of the chair, a bit stiff from sitting and being pampered. She was happier than she had been in her entire life. She felt that with just a little jump, she could float on air. The three of them stepped out of the salon just as Michael Collins, the school quarterback, walked by. He smiled at Anna and Avery, then looked backed after he passed them. He apparently only saw two beautiful girls, with either no recognition or a feeling of “don’t I know those girls from somewhere?”. Avery realized she had never seen Michael smile like that, especially not at her … or him.
As they got into the car to head home, Avery suggested, “Mom, if he doesn’t know me I don’t think anyone will. Maybe I could just go back to school with just a name change.”
“I wish you could, but that’s the kind of thing that would almost work, then blow up in our faces one day with disastrous results.”
Avery realized her mom was right. She had a talent for knowing things like that. Being exposed like that at school would be nothing short of disastrous. She still wanted a name change, though. “Avery Lynn Parks” could be a boy or a girl, and she wanted a name that left no doubt.
Katie’s cell phone buzzed. “Hello.” … “Speaking” … “Yes”
There was a long pause as the person on the other end of the call spoke.
“Wow! That’s great! I’m sure we’ll need it! What about tomorrow morning? Great! See you at 9:00 AM tomorrow!”
She clicked the phone off and looked at the two girls. “Avery, your dad continues to amaze me; even now.”
“What is it, Mom?”
“Recently, your dad contacted an attorney and talked with him about his medical situation and your situation. He paid the attorney a retainer and has a fund set up should the legal bill go higher. The attorney will help with any legal issues regarding your gender change. We meet with him tomorrow morning.”
“I’m gonna have legal problems?”
“Oh, yes! Wait and see. Just about anybody who can give you a hassle will do it.”
”It’ll be good to have a lawyer on our side.”
“That’s not all. The attorney has the account number of the money and he’s going to give it to me. He’s going to accept the retainer as full payment for everything he’s going to do regarding this. He had this kind of thing in his own family.”
“Wow. That’s cool!”
“Now, since you’re my daughter, I get to choose your name. You get no input because children usually get no choice when the name is decided. You’ll be ‘Dorothy June’. You’ll be called ‘Dottie’ for short.”
“Mom, if I had any clue that you were serious, I’d pitch a fit. I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“You’re right, Honey. It’s your choice … as long as it’s not “Sunshine” or “Tulip.”
“Aw, Mom, that knocks out two of my favorites!”
“Well, you have to live with it.”
“I think I’m gonna be Amy Lauren Parks.”
“That’s nice. Stick with that. Oh, Amy?”
“Yes, Mommy?”
“Come here.” She reached out her arms and received her daughter in a loving hug. “I love you so much. I wish your dad could be here to see you change into the daughter you were meant to be. It’s not always going to be fun or easy, but … ”, she reached out one arm to Anna, “thank God for Anna.”
“I won’t be the only one helping, Mrs. Parks. Avery … Amy has a group of girlfriends who love her. Most of them will help. There will be a few who won’t understand and don’t want to be involved for religious or other reasons. It won’t be many. She’ll have a lot of support.”
“Great! Tomorrow after your appointment will be your official start. You will be becoming my little girl … my sweet little girl. I don’t know which of us is happier.”
“Mom, I don’t know how you could be happier than I am. I feel like I’ve been putting on an act, and now I’m beginning to live for real.”
“Welcome to the real world, my sweet little Amy!”
Anna added, “Welcome to teen-aged girl world. It’s a great world … most of the time. We have our rough spots, which usually involve boys. How do you feel about boys?”
“Boys are OK as long as they know their place. I for sure never wanted to be one.”
“What about dating?”
“Dating a boy is hard for me to imagine, but people say ‘never say never’. I love girls! I’ve heard guys talking among themselves about girls, and it’s appalling! A guy will say the filthiest things; even about the girl he’s dating! Some of the things I’ve heard, I wish I could ‘unhear’! They talk about girls as if they were less than human! Of course, all the filth magically disappears when they’re around girls. I guess I just know too much about guys to have a relationship with one. Just some of the things they say and do are enough to never want to call myself a male.”
“So, dating boys may be unlikely; what about girls?”
Amy involuntarily glanced at Anna, then quickly looked down. Anna smiled.
Katie saw the look and the smile. “Hmmm. No sleepovers for you two!”
“Mom! Anna’s just a good friend!”
“Yes, I realize now that she may be a much better friend than I realized … maybe better than either of you realized!”
“Mom, you’re embarrassing us!”
“You mean your mom is embarrassing you.”
“I see,” Katie commented, “Amy, you’ve given quite an indictment of males! You’ve thought about this for a long time and your passion comes through when you speak about it. I was aware of your feminine side, but now I see it runs deeper than I ever imagined. Be sure you make your counselor aware of the way you feel!”
Anna spoke up, “I think she’s a radical feminist!”
“I just think it’s unfair that such rotten people are in charge of almost everything.”
“Amy,” mom continued, “I think the boys you’re talking about are in the minority. Those are the ones you’ve noticed, and that’s what they crave; attention. Most of them grow out of such foolishness. The ones who don’t sit in bars and spout the same old poison to each other and brag about their imaginary conquests. Do you think your dad talked like that when he was young?”
“No way! I can’t even imagine that! Dad was ….” Amy’s voice broke. “Well, Mom, you know what Dad was. He was ….” Her voice broke again. “I don’t know … it just sounds so strange to use the past tense ‘he was’.”
“OK, Honey. I know it’s hard, but if he could see you right now, he would be so proud! He realized he had a daughter. It’s just a shame that he never got to see her. Actually, toward the end, he began to see you as his daughter. That’s why he said the things he said to you in the hospital. He told me once ‘she’s so pretty’. He was way ahead of me on this issue. I couldn’t believe it, but he told me to watch you and see if I saw a son or a daughter. When he said that, I did watch you, and I saw what I was missing even though it right in front of me for a long time. I knew about the secret wardrobe, of course, but I thought it was a phase that some boys go through. Your dad and I both educated ourselves on the issue, and we realized that we were trying to raise a daughter as a son. That is a frustrating prospect. I just wish we had brought this to light when we first realized what we were dealing with, but we put it off. We knew it would be at least as difficult for you as it would be for us. But it wasn’t difficult at all once I got you open up. Going out with my daughter is not difficult; it’s a pleasure. I didn’t realize what I was missing.”
“Mrs. Parks, at first the girls in our group thought Avery … uh … Amy was gay. But when we talked about boys he … she never expressed any interest. To me, it seems clear now that Amy is gay … lesbian, that is! What do you say, Amy?”
“I think you’re right unless I learn to like boys. Scratch that … there are some things I don’t think I can learn!”
“In that case,” added Mom, “when she gets married, instead of losing a daughter, I’ll be gaining a daughter. I don’t think I’ll ever have too many daughters! Oh, I love Jeff, but there is a saying. ‘A son is yours until he takes a wife. A daughter is yours for the rest of your life.”
“Having a son is wonderful, but a daughter is someone a mother can bond with. It’s a lot more than just shopping together. It’s a very special bond that grows stronger with time. I realize only now that I have felt that special bond with Av… Amy. Even so, it felt kind of strange bonding like that with him. Now, everything seems to be falling into place and things that seemed strange or unusual make total sense. It makes me wish John were here so he could see how right he was about you, Amy. I’ll say it again, your dad would be proud. He was proud of you as a boy, and he would be proud of you now. Maybe God allows humans a certain amount of ‘proud in their lifetime. John had a lot of reasons to be proud of his children. He also gave us a lot of reasons to be proud of him. To just say he was a good man doesn’t cover it. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go on like that.”
“It’s OK, Mrs. Parks. It came from the heart and it was beautiful! I only knew him as ‘Avery’s Dad’, but now I wish I had known him better. Men like that are pretty rare these days.”
“Mom, I guess I’ll adjust. They say death is a part of living. I console myself by thinking he’s in a better place and he wouldn’t come back if he could. I realize now that when he hugged me and called me his ‘beautiful daughter’, that was a precious time that I will remember and treasure forever.”
“Amy, you be the best girl you can be, and grow into the best woman you can be, and that will be the best way you can honor his memory.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
They pulled into the driveway at home. “Well, girls, does a ‘try-on’ party sound good to y’all?”
Anna spoke first, “If Amy doesn’t want to, I’ll try on some of her stuff. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it!”
Amy thought for a second. “Seems like I heard that recently, only in some other context. Girls have a lot of tough jobs, don’t they?”
“Oh, no! Femaledom is a piece of cake! Don’t worry about it!” She gave Anna a big wink.
Anna spoke up, “I know you won’t deny your best friend a try-on if she finds something irresistible. I have a couple of items in mind. Mrs. Parks, your daughter is a very skilled shopper. Her taste is incredible!”
“Maybe someday I can get a job shopping!”
“They do have a job like that. They call them ‘buyers’, but I’m sure it’s not as much fun as the shopping we do!”
“Right! They probably don’t get to do try-ons'!”
The three women went up to what used to be Avery’s room. The room looked only somewhat like a boy’s abode and would soon be a plush feminine refuge. The try-ons began in earnest. It wasn’t just Amy’s party. Mrs. Parks found some items she liked and was surprised to find that they fit. She and Amy agreed not to be stingy with their clothes, but to share freely. Anna found two outfits that complemented her looks so well that Amy insisted she take them home. After some mild protest, Anna graciously agreed to accept them as gifts.
Amy went into the restroom for about 5 minutes, then called out, “Oh, Mom, I have a crazy idea.”
“Amy, coming from you, the term ‘crazy idea’ is almost redundant.”
Amy smiled and held up a slinky mini-dress with sequins. “I want to wear this under my graduation gown.”
“Yes!” Anna was all for it.
“Now, Anna, I know Amy is serious, but do you think she can handle it?”
“Yes, ma’am. No one will see what’s under her gown during graduation. Her hair will be tucked up under her cap, she can keep her hands folded so no one will notice her nail polish, and I will do her ‘less is more’ makeup. When the formalities of graduation are over everything will be total chaos. If someone notices and wants to say something, screw ‘em! We’re done with high school! With my last name ‘Phillips’, I won’t be far from her; neither will Sarah Nelson or Karen Price. We’ll help her blend in as soon as we’re dismissed, and reinforcements will arrive soon after that!”
“Thanks, Anna. I gotta wear this dress now!”
Katie relented. “It’s your party. You might not believe it, but nothing like this happened at my graduation.”
“Really, Mom? I thought it would be pretty common!”
“It might be in the future. You could be a trendsetter.”
“I’d like to be a trendsetter, but not for this. This will be fun, but for most of the people there I hope it’s like, ‘What the hell is wrong with those girls?’”
Anna smiled, “It won’t be the first someone said that about our little group. I’m sorry that we will be so split up among different colleges.”
“Probably better for the colleges,” observed Mrs. Parks.
If possible, the girls were looking forward to graduation day even more. They decided that, for secrecy, the only girls in on the plan were Amy, Anna, Sarah Nelson, and Karen Price. Not that anyone would talk. Of course not; teen-aged girls don’t talk much, do they? The more people involved the more chance someone could “slip”,“ Well, I told a few people, but I told them not to say anything!” That would never happen!
The four girls rode to the stadium together, taking care to arrive just in time. That reduced waiting time. When they got there, Anna pulled Amy aside and gave her a white tablet. “Amy, I know you don’t take drugs and neither do I … usually. But desperate times … you know how it goes. This will take the edge off and make the whole affair much easier.”
“You’re sure?”
“Amy, you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you!”
“What is it?”
“Vicodin.”
“It contains Codeine.”
“Are you OK with that?”
“Yeah, the doctor gave me a script once when I sprained my ankle.”
“Good! So we know you’re not allergic to it. It didn’t knock you out or anything did it?”
“No, it made the pain go away and made me feel good!”
“Good, just don’t get to feeling too good and do something crazy!”
“I won’t. Don’t worry!” Amy found a water fountain and took the pill.
The four girls headed into the stadium. Anna had always been the leader as usual. She advised, “Let’s stick together as long as possible.”
A self-imagined ladies’ man, Butch Brennan attempted to block their way to impress them with his clever chatter. He found it was kind of like trying to block a flow of water. “Hey, girls, wait! What’s the hurry?” He spotted Amy and his eyes widened. “Hey, do we have a new girl? What’s your name babe?”
“I can’t be very new if I’m graduating, can I? Instead of worrying about my name, you better check and make sure your name is on the list of graduates or you might be leaving here empty-handed!”
The girls kept moving, unappreciative of this gift from God. He called out, “Catch ya’ later, babe!”
“It’s sad,” Anna commented. “He thinks he’s irresistible!”
“Based on personal research, I think every boy at school with very few exceptions has a similar opinion of himself,” Amy added.
The girls found their places. Amy couldn’t believe her luck. On one side, her neighbor was a “goth” girl, whose entire conversation consisted of, “Hey.”
On her other side was an obviously very religious girl dressed in long sleeves, a skirt down to her ankles, and her long hair done up in a bun. She had on not one spot of makeup and she sat meekly with her knees and ankles together. She seemed to find Amy interesting but tried not to show it.
Amy saw that the other members of her team were in place, so she settled in to endure the introductions and speeches. The medicine Anna gave her started to kick in, and Amy thought, “No wonder people get hooked.” She thought of a plan. “When they hand me my diploma, I’ll turn to the audience and say, ‘Fellow students, teachers, administrators, and other concerned persons, I want to introduce myself. I am the former ‘Avery Lynn Parks’, but I have decided to become a female and will hence be known as ‘Amy Lauren Parks’. Thank you and good day.’” She smiled to herself and thought, “Wow, this better be the last time I take this medicine.”
The countdown had started with, Paul Henry Aaron. Amy began to wonder if she could do this. “You don’t have a choice, so just do it!” she told herself.
“Sarah LeeAnn Nelson”, the announcer called. The first of Amy’s group! Amy took a deep breath. Just one “Oliver”, one “Parker”, then … showtime!
“Lisa Mae Parker.” Amy watched the goth girl defiantly walk up to the stage. Amy was next.
She was near tears. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I can’t do this!”
Then, she heard her dad’s voice as clearly as if he were standing next to her, “Go your own way, my beautiful daughter.” She quickly opened her eyes and looked around. It was so real! She had heard her dad’s voice!
“Avery Lynn Parks.”
Amy smiled and stood. “Here I go, Daddy!” She walked proudly up to and across the stage, received her diploma, and shook hands with the principal. As she walked toward the stage exit, she looked to the sky, blew a kiss straight up into the air, and said, “I love you, Daddy!” She had done it, and her dad was there when she needed him!
The crowd applauded. Very few knew the whole story, but her actions made clear the sentiment behind her words and actions.
”
“Misty Kay Patterson.” All eyes (almost) now turned to the meek little Christian girl as Amy walked confidently to her seat. She sat back to “chill”.
The four co-conspirators found each other with relative ease and were able to get to the car and begin and exit before the traffic jam.
“We did it,” Anna exclaimed. “How was it, Amy? You didn’t look nervous at all!”
“For a while, I didn’t think I would make it, but I got some unexpected help.”
“The medicine helped!”
“It helped some, but I was talking about someone who gave me some words of encouragement.”
“Oh, who was that?”
“My dad!”
“What?”
“Just when I was at my lowest point, I heard my dad say, ‘Go your own way, my beautiful daughter.”
“Wow!”
“It wasn’t my imagination! I heard him as if he were standing right next to me. That’s why I was so confident when I walked up on the stage.”
“Amy’s dad was an amazing man,” Anna told the other two girls. “I wish I had got to know him better.”
Amy continued, “If y’all want to have a party or something, please just drop me off at my house. I’m gonna get my mom to take me to visit my dad.”
“Ok,” Anna said. “I would offer to go with you, but I’m sure you’d rather go alone. Always remember, we’re your friends and we’ll be there if you need support.”
“Thanks, y’all.”
Anna pulled into Amy’s driveway. Amy smiled. “Y’all celebrate, but don’t have too much fun.”
“Tell your dad we said ‘hi’.”
“I will. Thanks again for everything.”
She walked into the kitchen. Her mom reached out her arms and Amy went in to get a congratulatory hug.
“Honey, you were amazing. You walked out there like you owned the place! Was that an act? Were you actually nervous?”
“Mom, I wasn’t nervous at all. Well, I was for a while, but I got words of encouragement from a man who loves me unconditionally!”
“Now, who would that be? I’d like to meet him. He must be wonderful!”
“It was Dad!”
Katie froze with wide eyes and open mouth.
“Mom, are you OK?”
“Yes … I’m …. Oh, Amy … tell me …. Did you see him?”
“No, I had my eyes closed as they got closer to my name on the list. I had just told myself that I couldn’t walk up on the stage and get my diploma, but he spoke to me as plain as if he were right next to me. He said, ‘Go your own way, my beautiful daughter,’ just like he said that last night at the hospital. When he spoke, I suddenly gained confidence that I couldn’t have gotten from anyone else.”
“That’s why you blew him a kiss and told him ‘I love you’ after you got your diploma! Amy, your father was a blessing to us. Actually he is a blessing, even now. Often when someone dies, the most frequent regret of family and friends is ‘I didn’t say I love you often enough. Even though I told your dad I loved him many times, I’m not sure it was enough. He was such a selfless, giving man I …” her voice broke. “I’m at a loss for words. I’ll just say, ‘Follow his example of loving, caring, and giving. This is the way to honor his memory.’ Now, he’s coming back to encourage you when you need it desperately. That’s got to be the ultimate case of ‘going above and beyond the call of duty!”
“That’s my dad!”
“So, graduation is over. Your friends are celebrating?”
“Yes, ma’am, they’re going somewhere to celebrate, but I’d like to go visit Dad. Would you take me to the cemetery?”
“Of course! That’s a wonderful idea! I think that you going there today seems like exactly what his daughter would do. Let’s go down there now. Are you ready?”
“I’m ready! I want to show him my diploma and my dress.”
So Katie Parks and Amy Parks (still in her slinky mini-dress with sequins) left to go visit John Houston Parks; family man, patriot, a man of character, a man whose departure left the world just a little poorer and a little less loving. The world wouldn’t notice. He left, however, a son (now a daughter) in whom he had tried to instill these traits, and a son who would hopefully instill these traits into his progeny
Amy stood holding her mom’s hand for a little, then she knelt next to her dad’s headstone and prayed. “God, I thank you for my dad. Even though you had to bring him to You, I thank you for the time we had with him. I was blessed to have him as my dad, and I promise to continue the loving, caring, and giving that he embodied. Be with me, Lord, and help me keep this vow. Amen.”
Amy and her mom held hands as they walked back to the car. Near the horizon, dark clouds separated, allowing the sun to shine through brightly.
The End