The answer

By Lynda Shermer

Chapter 2 - Desperately Avoiding Susan

My jaw dropped. I was still talking like Susan?

Alice walked around the end of the desk, "Look at how you are sitting. Normally, you sprawl in that chair. But you are sitting upright, straight spine, feet together, no! Now, legs crossed at the ankles!"

She was absolutely right. I nervously brushed some of my medium length mousy brown hair behind my ear, and then stared, aghast, at my traitorous hand. And "mousy"? Where had that come from? I had brown hair. It was brown. Brown hair was brown hair, wasn't it?

"Wow, I've been working with only you girls for company for too long," I observed.

"No, earlier tonight everything was normal. And now, it's different. Oh, and you're still doing it, by the way. You also took that last call on your phone as Susan."

I closed my eyes, summoned up my self image, and said,"Right! So how about now, back to normal?"

"No, now you sound like Susan with a sore throat."

"Darn!," I said, and stamped my foot, starting to panic. I was breathing hard, and started to hyperventilate. But instead of just a classic frantic panic attack, my body blew a safety valve I'd never realized I had, and I started sobbing.

"What is wrong with me," I cried, spasms rocking my body. Alice, looking aghast, came over, after hesitant attempts to position herself, started hugging me, making soothing noises, and stroking the top of my head.

Finally, I more or less stopped. She handed me a handkerchief, and I unconsciously dabbed at my eyes. "Yep, still doing it," she said. "Ohhh, you little...", I replied, and pouted, which practically had her rolling on the floor.

She went back to her desk, and a little later, a call came in on my screen, I looked. One of the customers that requested a man answer their calls. I hit the button with fear, "Good evening, tri-bar associates," I said. In my normal voice!

"Ah, good. Professionalism can pull you out of it." the voice on the line said. It was Alice; I looked, she was on her cellphone, and had blocked caller id.

"That was a dirty trick, and I thank you for it."

"Careful, your pitch is rising."

I gave her a dirty look, and hung up. "How about now?" I tried.

"Back to normal. Pity." I left that little statement alone, just glad to be cured.

We closed out the evening normally, and went around the corner. Breaking with tradition, I had two drinks, as I was shaken. Ah, well. At least I wasn't getting stuck as Felicity.

"So what was that all about?", I mused out loud.

"Stress. You enter what you have been conditioned to think of as the sacrosanct of sacrosanct, the ladies room. And your mind just did something weird as a stress reaction. And why were you so harsh on me?"

"When you called me a stereotype, it felt like an attack. So I could ask you the same question. You claim to be so much better at reading people, and all."

"Yeah, well, I think you managed to poke a few holes in that illusion. Call it a draw?"

"Done!" And we shook on it.

Although, there was a follow up. As I came in the next day, June called to me, "So I hear Alice broke you yesterday. What happened?"

"Yeah, she broke me, but fortunately, it seems I have an emergency spare.", I observed, sardonically.

Alice spoke up at this point, "Emergency spare? You're really going with that analogy?"

"Well, yes. Apart from the panic attack, I was able to function as Susan."

"In the office, in the evening, sure. Out in the world, I think you would not find it so easy."

"So, do I get to meet Susan? I'm feeling left out." June pouted.

"I'd rather not; it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences, and we had trouble resetting me," I said, to continue the metaphor.

A week or so later, I was pulling one of my extremely rare shifts with only June. She seemed depressed about something, so after work, at the bar, I asked her what was wrong. She'd broken up with her boyfriend, and I lent her a sympathetic ear, but in there somewhere, attempting to deal with the situation, my mind shifted me to Susan again, without either of us noticing at first. I was comforting one of my best girlfriends, and suddenly we realized that I must be extremely conspicuous. June tried calling my cellphone and asking for Paul, but without either the reinforcement of the computer, or the formal work ethic, it didn't work. I was stuck. She helped me home, wanting to make sure I was safe, and then I was alone.

I sat on the couch, seeking to summon up my strongest male memories. Then, I stood up, and walked to the kitchen. No good. I was taking short steps, feet almost in line, I turned to go back to the couch, and it was a model's turn. Back on the couch, I drew my legs up, hugged my knees and buried my face in them. Clearly, this was going to have to work its way out. Then the phone rang. The caller id said it was my aunt Phyllis! My favorite aunt, sole remaining female relative. Surely talking to her would fix this!

"Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, dear. I was trying to reach my nephew, Paul Burrows, he is usually home about now. I must have a wrong number; I'm sorry to have rung so late."

"No, this is his number," drat! I wasn't resetting, what to do?

"He's just not in at the moment," I temporized.

"And who am I speaking with?"

"My name is Susan, I'm just a neighbor. Paul had to run out to get milk, and asked me in to keep an eye on something simmering on the stove."

Why was I reluctant to tell her what was wrong? It seemed too complicated to cover on the phone, without her being able to see it with her own eyes.

"Oh. Well, when he comes back, have him call me on my cellphone, I need to ask him a favor. It was nice to speak to you, and perhaps I'll get to meet you, next time I visit. Goodbye, dear."

"Goodbye."

And as I hung up, my body was wracked with sobs. That SHOULD have worked.

Finally, I went and prepared for bed, slipping fitfully into the oblivion of sleep.

The next morning, I jumped out of bed, and ran to the bathroom as though the mirror might show me anything. Instead, the trip revealed two things: that I was running on my tiptoes, and that getting ready for bed last night, I'd donned my longest t-shirt and a pair of men's bikini briefs I'd bought out of curiosity and then thrown in a drawer.

I was still stuck, and was going to have to be very careful. It was a good thing none of the extremely rare females who'd slept here had left anything behind, or I might have been subconsciously dressing in it.

I figured there was nothing to be done until I got to work, so I tidied the apartment, and made myself a cup of tea. Finally, I got dressed for work, and made my way in to the office. There, I greeted Alice, and glared at June. "Oh, dear. Susan?", Alice said.

Before I could reply, June piped up with, "Yeah, I broke him this time. Last night."

"Overnight? That seems like a bad sign. Any odd effects?"

I related the catalog of things my subconscious had managed to do to me without my permission.

"Well, enough's enough. Let's reset you.". She sat at her station, I sat at mine, and she called in. My screen lit up, and I took the call.

"Um, Susan? It didn't work.", she told me, as it concluded.

"What?!!?", but indeed, I was still talking and acting as Susan. This was beginning to look serious.

"Well, let's just do our work, and hope that it still works when it happens spontaneously. We'll treat you as Paul, so that if we miss the shift, you don't fall back in response. Ok, Paul?"

"I guess it is all we can do. And June, I'm going to get even for this!"

"You and what girl scout troop?"

As I've said before, about two thirds of the customers preferred females answer their phones, so we didn't get too many specific requests for males. I dealt with a number of calls as Susan, when one came in for Dr. Willis.

Maybe this would help! I'd never done Felicity as Susan, only as Paul. I took the call, the familiar voice and cadences of Felicity coming to the fore.

As soon as I finished, Alice sharply called out, "Paul! Look out!"

I stopped, and looked around, "What?"

"Drat. Still Susan."

Oh, she had just been trying to startle me back into myself.

"Good try, Alice," but Susan was still very much present.

Finally, a male specified call came in during a busy period. I dealt with it, and as I hung up, Alice pounded on the override key, cutting my station out of the system.

"Paul?"

"Yeah? Oh, thank goodness."

"Keep going. I want to be sure."

"So far, the switch back is pretty binary. Once I'm back, I'm back."

"Yeah. Both times. So far. Not a great sample size."

Noticing, June started apologizing, and made to come over to hug me.

Alice stopped her, "No! None of that. If he gets to comforting you back, he might slip. Suck it up, both of you!"

Pleading an important family call, I went down the hall with my cellphone, and called aunt Phyllis back.

"I'm sorry it's taken so long to get back to you."

"Oh, no problem. But do tell me all about this Susan I talked to yesterday. She sounded quite pleasant. Are the two of you an item?"

"No, auntie, that would be quite impossible. It's complicated. I'll tell you all about it next time I see you."

"Ah, you might not be quite as safe as you imagine, trying that old dodge. Here, we come to the favor I mentioned."

It seems she had fallen and had emergency hip surgery. She would be released a little before Halloween, and it was recommended she have someone to watch her for the first week or so, and all the usual therapists were booked. Was I willing to come and stay?

"Of course. Email me the details, and I'll get my schedule fixed to allow it."

"Good, I can't wait to hear about your work, and this Susan!"

"Don't get your hopes up..."

And we said our goodbyes.

I got through the rest of the evening ok, although I did feel a little resentment at how Alice had treated us. She always held herself so separate, showing so little. It was annoying.

"I'm thinking it might be a good idea to pull Felicity out of the system," Alice started, when we were at the bar, after work (I was only having a virgin Mary, as letting down my critical faculties seemed like a bad idea just then). "Even though you don't have issues with her, it was sort-of a gateway that led to this whole Susan business. Dr. Willis will just have to make due with the rest of us."

"I should probably just go see an analyst."

"Well, if you get stuck again, it might be good to have one you can call. What if this had been a holiday? You could have been stuck for three or four days. We might not even have gotten to you before you developed fashion sense."

"What, you don't like this lime green t-shirt?"

"It's the one thing that gave me assurance that Susan had not moved in for good when you came in today," June chimed in with.

"And," Alice continued, "I think we have to let you off the hook on the Halloween thing. Too dangerous."

"Ah, about that. It turns out, I have to beg off anyway." And I told them about my aunt, "I guess Phil will be filling in for me. You can check how he looks in a dress."

"Wow, breaking a favorite aunts hip just to get out of dressing up? Pretty extreme.", June said.

Alice chimed in with, "I'm not really convinced Phil has the figure for this. You're really letting the side down here, Felicity. Take photos, we'll need proof. And entertainment, I suspect." The office opinion of Phil was not high, which is why they had arranged things to share shifts with me.

The answer

By Lynda Shermer

Chapter 3 - Travels to My Aunt

So I was out of town for all of halloween, which is one of my favorite nights of the year. My aunt Phyllis wasn't any trouble, being an eminently practical person, and didn't object to how we'd have to rearrange things in her house so she could live entirely on the ground floor for awhile.

While I was looking things over to plan this, she brought up the subject of Susan, and I started telling her about the office, how each shift had one man, and two women due to customer preferences, and how Felicity had been invented, and how, later, Susan came to be.

"Oh, so that woman I spoke to on the phone..."

"Was me. Sorry. That time I got stuck overnight."

"My, my. And you came up with the story about the neighbor to avoid the subject."

"Well, it seemed to me that, just telling you the whole thing, cold, would have taken a long time, particularly to convince you I wasn't just playing a really elaborate practical joke. And it was late, I was stressed, and I'd been crying pretty hard."

"Yes, that might be so. You were quite convincing. I had no clue it was you on the phone. And the only thing that has snapped you out of it so far was an absolute requirement to do something that has to be done by Paul. A duty, as it were."

"That seems about right."

"Sounds dangerous. If it happens again, you'll have to come up with a better solution."

On Halloween, she sat on the porch glider, covered with an afghan, and praised the costumes and handed out the candy. She had a wound dressing on her head, and a tall pointy hat, and when people asked, she said she was a witch who'd had a broom accident. She would cackle, and say, "See? Totally ruined my nose," fingering her cute little button nose. It broke everyone up.

Once the rush thinned out, she asked for more details about my coworkers. After I told her some stories, she mused, "June doesn't seem to take things too serious. I'd watch out for her, she might trigger Susan just for fun. I'd like to know more about this Alice, though."

"Everyone would. She's the major office enigma."

"Some sorrow in her past, I wouldn't be surprised. I hope she recovers. Susan... You know, if you had been a girl, you mother always said you would have been named Susan Marie."

"Weird. I wonder if that's how I came up with the name Susan. I might have remembered that, subconsciously."

"It would be dangerous to ask to speak with her again, so we shan't experiment that way. But you say that don't have issues with this Felicity, so..."

Well, as I said, she was my favorite aunt. So I prepared myself, and said "Hello, Phyllis, it is nice to meet you. I am Felicity Martin. Paul has told me so much about you. You know, you are his favorite aunt."

"He's a sweet boy, but I believe I am his sole surviving aunt, as well; still, I worry about him, off in such a big city. It sounds like he is doing alright."

"Well, he has his old college friends."

"As well as some at work, it seems."

She had me talk about work and my co-workers, again, after which we exchanged a few pleasantries, and then I went back to Paul, with great relief. "Well, you don't get stuck as her, at least. I wonder why? Still, did you notice? While you were speaking as Felicity, your posture changed and you moved differently."

"I'm sitting in a chair! How did I move?"

"You sat up straight, extending your neck, partially turned on the seat toward me, placed your feet, closed your legs at the knee, and played with your hair, holding your hands in your lap otherwise. In short, you held yourself as a correct young woman. Bravo, or should I say Brava?"

"This is just getting weird. After this, I'm going to have to go to a football game, belch a lot, and get into a bar fight to re-establish my street cred as a guy."

"I don't think it's quite that bad, but I must say, while you didn't strike me as gloomy before, while you were channeling Felicity, you were smiling more."

"Channeling? It was just acting."

"I'm not sure it's acting if you aren't consciously thinking it through. Also, it’s interesting, there were differences in how you described your co-workers, as Felicity. And I'd swear it was just flowing organically. Somewhere, inside you, you have a considered self image as Felicity, which you were calling upon. I don't think it was too detailed a self image, and you seem to have created it from too much BBC, but it was there. And I think the reason you get stuck as Susan is you have a much more detailed self image of Susan. I think you need to let her out and see what happens, in safe surroundings, and soon. She's leaking."

"Phyllis, I hate to remind you, but your degree is in nutrition, not psychology. You worked in a hospital dietary department."

"True, but irrelevant. I'm right, you'll see," she said, airily.

"Yes, aunt Phyllis," and with that, the subject was dropped.

A few days later, I drove back to Chicago, and forgot all about it. My first day back at work, June and Alice showed me pictures of the costume group, which had come in second, behind a group of zombie personal injury attorneys, which I had to admit was tough to beat. Phil had been there, but they'd let him off the hook, letting wear an Edwardian suit, complete with straw boater.

"Now, that is what I'd have wanted to do! The costume is exactly what I'd visualized, although I dare to hazard, Phil played it a bit more, um, grabby?"

"Yes, that's right," June admitted.

"That's hardly acting for him. I worked a few shifts with him for training, and he kept wanting to compare notes about conquests. I would have played it gallant and oblivious."

"You'd just have been cribbing from 'Thoroughly Modern Millie', you mean," Alice objected.

"Well, it's a good interpretation of the role."

"Still, you seem to be good at that visualization stuff alright. I mean, between Felicity and Susan...", June hinted.

"Yeah, my aunt said something about how I made up a whole internal self image for each of them, on the fly."

"Well, Felicity, maybe, but I suspect Susan is a bit different."

"I can't imagine how," I said, and changed the subject.

And a week after that, June, working on her nails, engaged me in casual conversation. Without my noticing, she started calling me Susan. Fortunately, before I absentmindedly started to respond, Alice reprimanded her, "Bad June! Naughty girl. Paul is not a toy!"

I spent the rest of the evening glaring at June. Which broke them both up, every time I did it.

After work, in the bar, where I was continuing my new tradition of not drinking by having another Virgin Mary, Alice turned to face me, and grabbed my hands. "Seriously, I never apologized for getting you in this whole mess, or thanked you for coming after me."

"But I'm the one who upset you."

"Only after I attacked you. At any rate, I feel I should make it up to you. How about you come over Friday night, and I'll make you dinner, and you can subject me to one of those games you claim you play with your friends," clearly goading me to get me to accept, but I had always said I wished I knew more about her, so...

"You're on. I'll try to figure out what to bring to beat the pants off you!" Oops! Not quite the note I wanted to hit.

"Hmm, it seems I've triggered your latent vein of competitiveness. How's Italian sound?"

"A lot like Latin, or French spoken rapidly, I find. Oh, you mean, as food. Sure."

"Don't get your hopes up, I'll probably wimp out with spaghetti and frozen meatballs."

"Well, can we at least heat them, first? Just kidding, that sounds fine."

So it was that, come Friday, the early evening found me standing in the hallway in front of her door, carrying a bottle of wine and a potted plant.

"Oh, my," she said when she opened the door, "You really went all out, I see."

"Well, I figured there were amends to make on both sides, and if I brought a peace offering, you might take it easy on me and be more vulnerable when we played."

"Not a chance, buster. Still, the plant might not have been a great idea. I have a bit of a brown thumb."

"Ok, but at least it will give you something to talk to, if I freeze up."

I entered the apartment, and was promptly amazed.

It was compact; no one could afford a lot of space on what we made, the couch was worn but looked comfortable, the coffee table was a trunk with some fabric thrown over it. The tv across from it had the current panoply of video game systems attached (each with only a single controller in evidence, I noted), but it was the bookcases, reaching all the way to the high ceilings and covering the walls, that caught my eye. They were overflowing with books, and game boxes.

I had a copy of fluxx stuck in my coat pocket, figuring than an authority figure like Alice would have been rattled by the extreme mutability of the rules, but there were already three of the variants of fluxx on her shelves, in worn boxes, along with a copy of illuminati. I was going to have to rethink my strategy here, pretty drastically. I put my coat on the couch, and followed her through to the kitchen, where she was opening the wine. She had indeed just made spaghetti and meatballs, although I could see she had put some effort into making her own sauce.

"I'm sorry about the store bought meatballs, but this is spur of the moment."

"They're fine; I normally just use those myself."

"Now go back to the living room, I have a little left to do here."

I went back, and browsed the shelves. In one book, I noted a stamp from a familiar used bookstore.

"Hey, did you go to the University of Illinois in Champaign," I asked her.

"No, I went in Urbana. Sorry, bad joke. Yeah, why?"

"How did you end up answering phones?"

"I could ask the same of you."

She was dodging again; I was standing in her living room, and she was still hiding. Hmmm.

"I had to come back and take care of my parents for a bit, before I was finished at school."

"In my case, it turns out there are fewer jobs for aerospace engineers than I'd assumed when I declared my major."

Wait a second; went to U of I, reads, games, aerospace engineering, name of Alice...

"Were you married?"

"Yeah, very briefly. It didn't work out, and turned out to be a very emotionally painful detour."

That explained why the last name had been unfamiliar; and the hair would not have naturally been that purple...

"Wait, I'm seeing something on the astral plane. I'm seeing blue, pale blue... Alice blue. And now, a green field, a field of alfalfa? Soybeans? No, Grass, no, more yellow, straw, hay. A block of hay. Alice...Hay, Alice...bale; Alice Bailey?"

"Wow, that's some trick! No, wait a second, did someone scribble my name in one of my books when I wasn't looking?"

"No, they're still ok, Mike said you always hated people writing in books."

"Yeah. Wait, how did you know that? You knew Mike?". She ran out of the kitchen, stirring spoon clenched like a weapon, glaring at me like she was about to attack.

"Relax! Mike Wells was my dorm roommate. You changed your hair color. It used to be purple."

Her body went slack, as she looked incredulous.

"Oh, god. Paul. You're THAT Paul. Mike always called you Edgar, making fun of how your last name sounded like Burroughs. How embarrassing..."

"I tried returning the compliment by calling him H. G., but it never caught on. Don't worry about it."

"Actually, I changed a lot of things. Now I owe you a whole bunch of apologies, suddenly. First, for not remembering you, and second, do I recall correctly that you ended up reading ALL of Lord of the Rings on the couch in the floor lounge while Mike and I were, er, using your room?"

"No, really just The Two Towers, although it did take me two tries to get through it. And I happen to know, YOU only started reading Pratchett when you stole my copy of Men at Arms."

"Borrowed. Yeah. It's in the bookcase there, if you want it back."

"No, I've replaced it. Consider it a gift."

"Good, I wasn't serious; it would have made a hole in my collection. I prefer the British covers."

"But, wow, you really Have been hiding. I only dimly remember you back then, because you and Mike always snuck in and out of the dorm, but you've been totally different."

"My wild child phase. I've settled down."

"Even that wouldn't account for it. Even allowing for it being at work, you've been concentrated, reserved, while I've known you. You were a lot more outgoing back then."

"Yeah, well, it really wasn't a good marriage. He called me childish, told me to grow up. That rant I threw at you was practically a direct quote of things he said to me. I haven't been the same since. I'm not sure I'll ever be the way I was, again. In part, I asked you here to see if I can, at least for a little while." She looked shaken at all this openness. I went to the table, sat, and reached out to touch her hand.

"I'm still going to beat you," I said, tenderly.

"In your dreams," she smiled, her eyes flashing.

The food was good. After we ate, I cleared the table, putting the dishes in to soak with the sauce pot. We went back to the living room, sitting on the floor on either side of the coffee table/trunk. Despite her home court advantage, now that I saw she had more than Monopoly, I gave her the choice of weapons, er, games; she took her original fluxx off the shelf, and I listened to her explanation of the rules, suppressing a smile, nodding when appropriate, and looking studious. Fortunately for both of our fragile egos, we came to a close fought draw, which she ascribed to beginners luck. We went back to finish the dishes.

As I was leaving, I pulled out my own copy of fluxx.

"Ohhh, next time, the fight is ON, buster. You tried to hustle me, pretending not to know the game."

"I never said that. You just assumed it. Ok, next time, something simple, familiar to both of us again. It shall remain your pick," I offered.

"Ok. And until next week, consider this: even though neither of us remembered we'd met before, you knew just how to take me apart with five sentences."

I started to reply, but she laid a finger against my lips, and kissed me on my forehead.

And with that I smiled and left. Fortunately, I could take the el; I was not used to that much wine.

At one point in the next week, when Alice was down the hall, June turned to me, and asked, "What did you guys do? I've never seen Alice so relaxed. Is this what she is like, happy?"

"I didn't do anything to cheer her up THAT much; It turns out we went to the same university, and hadn't realized we'd run into each other back then."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, she used to go out with my roommate."

"And you guys didn't realize it? What was wrong with both of you! Oh wait, he wasn't the idiot she married, was he?"

"No, evidently he came later, but I can't help but think that she repressed the whole period of her life, and that explains why she didn't realize."

"Still, it's pretty weird. What did you guys do?"

"Well, she cooked, we played a game, and then we did dishes."

"Ohhh, dishes. I usually don't even show my date the dishes until the fourth date. You guys are moving fast."

"And then, as any gentleman would do, I left."

"Yeah, I figured, that must be why I don't date gentlemen. My bed is too big for that much waiting." I blushed, and turned my head. Why was she being so open?

Next weekend, the game was called on account of movie. There was a new science Fiction movie opening, which we went to see, and afterward, I got to hold forth my opinion on why it was so hard to do a good Mars movie, in discussion as I walked her home. I left her at her apartment door, although I did accept a hug and a peck on the cheek. As I left, I ran into one of her neighbors, a motherly figure, in the hall, and it seemed that function followed form, as she gave me a thumbs up, and I heard her say, under her breath, "About time..."

The next week, June continued to look at us with suspicion, but nothing much new happened, until Friday. I went to Alice's place, and brought along a pizza from my favorite pizzeria, which she'd never tried. We'd agreed on toppings ahead of time, an arduous negotiation that resulted in pepperoni and red peppers, and then, she prepared the game, laying out...
Monopoly.

I looked at her, quizzically. She said, "Ok, finish your wine first."

Obediently, I complied. She finished hers, and poured full glasses for both of us again. She looked a little flushed.

"Now, are we in agreement that this constitutes our third date?", she started.

"Ok, for the sake of argument, I accept that, although I am hazy on the social constructs attached to that," I said.

"We need to explore our comfort zones here, I feel. So with a little research, I found the rules, online, for the game I propose...Strip Monopoly."

"I see. Well, I accept your challenge, good knight! As you had choice of games, I get first choice of tokens. I choose...the race car."

"No fair, I wanted the race car," she objected.

"Tough," I replied.

By these rules, you start out with less money, but every item of clothing has a monetary value. You could pay the bank with clothes or money, and if you were paid in clothing from another player you had to wear it. We both managed to get pretty solid positions on the board. We both got bad chance cards, and lost our shirts and pants to the bank (besides, what's the fun of a mixed strip game while you still have your shirts on?) Before she could rebuild her savings enough, she hit illinois, which I'd developed with a hotel. Looking things over, she had to pay me money, and her bra.

"You have to wear it," she said.

We'd made solid inroads into a second bottle of wine while we played, so I said, "I should be proud to wear your token into battle, milady."' and clipped it around my chest. It was lacy, and had something in the cups. I was out of shape enough that I had some chest flab that it pushed around, although I barely noticed it at the time. I was too busy planning how to consolidate my empire. She lost boardwalk to the bank, I mortgaged it, developed it, and she hit it, losing everything. I'd won.

She stood up.

"Game over!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah," she said, stripping off her panties.

"Um, game's over." I hinted.

"Who said anything about the game," she said, launching herself at me, nude, "Fuck chivalry," she muttered.

The answer

By Lynda Shermer

Chapter 4 - Game Over?

We got me naked except for her bra, for some reason, and got to know each others body. She insinuated her hands under the cups, rubbing my nipples, as I repeated the notion on her. Her breasts were small, but proud, a handful, maybe a little more. Cute. In fact, the whole package, in contrast to her office demeanor said cute. Keeping herself aloof at the office must have been a strain, and now, all at once, she was unwinding.

We did those fumbling things that two people do when they first make love. We both dove to our piles of clothing, and emerged triumphantly holding a condom at the same time, and broke down laughing together, "Well, at least I can be pretty sure I'm not being presumptuous, here," I said.

"Or that you aren't the only one, at least," she riposted.

For both of us, it was the first time in some time, and we were not familiar with each other, physically. Still, it was pretty good, for a first attempt.

Afterwards, still on the living room floor, my head cradled on her stomach, her hands on my hair, face, chest, we relaxed. My eyes were half shut, my breathing deep and regular, more drunk than I could ever remember being.

Alice said, "I want to try something. Don't freak out."

"Ok..." I answered, drowsily.

Her hands went to my chest and played with my flesh in the cups of her bra, which I was still wearing, rearranging my flesh, pulling it towards the middle, letting the push up pads do their jobs. Then, she started running her fingers around my aureolas in circles through the fabric part of the cups, and said,"Susan?"

"Yes?" I said.

"Do you have a middle name?"

"Strange you should ask. I only found out recently from my aunt. It's Marie."

"Susan Marie Burrows? That's nice. So you discussed all this with your aunt?"

"Yes, she was curious about my work. She'd called that time I was stuck overnight, so she'd talked to Susan without knowing it was me. I told her about you, and June, and Dr. Willis, so I had to mention Felicity, and that led to the rest of the details on Susan. And then she told me my middle name. We felt Susan should be avoided, but she had a chat with Felicity. She thought I should find a way to let Susan out a little more, in safe surroundings, and see what happens; that Susan was "leaking". I guess this qualifies."

"You think so? I'm glad, and appreciate the faith you have in me."

"Well, it turns out, I've known you since college, and you've never done anything mean that I've seen. A little oblivious, but not mean."

"So, your aunt thinks you should let Susan out more, and here, I've triggered her. How did that make you feel?"

"A little scared of getting stuck this way again, I think."

She topped off my glass of wine, and held my head up so I could sip.

"I don't think you have to be scared. Your mind was craving something that Susan gives it. I'm sure you are both the same person, and once we find what is missing, you'll have no trouble. You did say you thought you could function as Susan. Did you mean it?"

"Yeah, mostly, I just get scared of getting stuck."

"Would you do something for me?"

"Anything, Alice."

"You won them fair and square. Would you wear my panties?", and with that, she handed them to me.

"Sure," I said, and slipped them over my feet, flailing my legs a bit from drink, one at a time. Eventually, I had to hike my butt up, and pulled them snug. "Bulgy!", I said, "Oh wait, I can fix that." And shoved my hand down the front pushing everything back. I felt the pops as my testicles ascended, something I'd last felt when donning a dance belt so I wouldn't bulge beneath an ill-advised superhero costume someone had talked me into, and pushed my recovering penis firmly back. My palm smoothed the front panel, and I was flat.

"See, all better.", I said with a drunken giggle. And fell asleep.

Alice's eyes were bugging out of her head. She eased herself sideways, replacing her stomach under my head with a pillow.

"He's going to hate me for this, but I just have to see," she thought. So while I slept, she applied makeup to my face, and polish to my fingers and toes. She put additional padding into my bra, bringing me up to a B cup, and which my sleeping brain interpreted as a fondle, which caused me to turn my head and catch the side of her face in a kiss, after which she had to fix my makeup again. Finally, she pulled a wig from her costume supplies over my head, arranged it roughly, pushed me onto my side to spoon against me, and feigned sleep.

And then, pinched my butt, really hard.

THAT woke me up. I woke up to find myself on the floor, a warm body spooned against my back, with an arm draped over me. I gently disentangled myself, and went looking for the bathroom. That was when I noticed the unusual underwear. I looked down at my groin, looking bemused. I felt the padding in the bra jiggle while I walked, brushed hair from in front of my eyes, and in the bathroom, poured my self a cup of water. Drinking it, I noticed the lipstick marks on the Dixie cup. My eyes widened, and I finally looked in the mirror.

First out was a soundless exhalation of a scream. Then a screech of indignation. "YOU!!!!!!"

Alice came in behind me, "What, Susan? You don't like the colors? I was a little limited by my selection."

"You tricked me. Got me drunk, and had your way with me."

"I have to say, this look works for you, Susan. Did you notice your voice?"

"Yes, my Susan voice is back. I'm sure that will tell me something once I recover from the shock."

"So far, that tells me you're WAY too analytical. C'mere."

She grabbed me and pulled me into the bedroom, spinning me around, and letting me fall onto the mattress. She pushed my legs apart, lay between then, and started fondling my breasts. I couldn't help it, my eyes closed, my back arched a bit, and I moaned.

"Where did all that come from?," she asked rhetorically, and started licking my cleavage. One hand dipped into my panties, and she started rubbing the top of where my penis joined my pelvis. My moaning got deeper. She rubbed faster, wetting her fingers from between her own legs, and then picking up where she left off. My back arched severely, I let out a scream, and there was fire in my brain. My muscles went rigid, my toes curled, my fingers clenched on the blankets, and then I went limp. "Wh..what was that?" I asked shakily.

"Congratulations, that was an orgasm."

"No, I've orgasmed before, that wasn't it."

"Silly, that was a female orgasm. Was that your first one?"

"It felt good. But why are you doing all this?"

"Well, it seemed to me that, with all your mock chivalry, and manners, you were holding back. And I wanted to get you out of your comfort zone, and see you going all out. And it was worth it."

We got comfortable on the bed. "And the verdict?", I asked.

"Not done testing yet. Say something with your Paul voice."

"I don't have a 'Paul' voice; I AM Paul. But you know that when I get stuck talking like Susan, I can't talk like myself anymore," I said, only realizing afterward that I'd spoken normally.

"Ah. I think your days of getting stuck talking like Susan are over for good. Your mind was playing tricks on you, craving some comforting attention. When did your mother die?"

"Six months ago. She and dad died close together, of unrelated cancers. That's why I haven't done my senior year yet. Wait, how did you know she was dead?"

"Other than your aunt, she was the last comforting female presence in your life. Your mind felt, sorely, that lack, and started pondering a solution. Your overly developed sense of the dramatic allowed your subconscious more leeway to create one, that's all. Tell me, have you ever...crossdressed before?"

"God, I can't believe I'm willing to admit this. Yes, when I was in grade school. I managed to suppress it."

"I don't think that was healthy for you. Your subconscious invented your formal demeanor, chivalrous manners, and extreme distance from others from that suppression."

"Ok, but you read parts of me like a book, and yet nobody has you figured out. What were you suppressing?"

"No, no. Believe it or not, the next day is going to be all about YOU. Don't get used to it. And then we have to get even with June, for messing with you so much."

"Hmm, hiding again, I see."

"Ok, time for bed; let me show you how to remove that makeup, and moisturize, and find you a nightshirt."

We got cleaned up, put on our night things (both cotton nightshirts, me still wearing a bra and panties), and went back to bed. Between the physical exertions and the emotions, we fell asleep almost as soon as we hit the bed, she curled around me from behind, a comforting human warmth and presence. In the morning, I woke second, flat on my back. There was a moment of disorientation, not recognizing where I was. Then I remembered, and kicked off the covers, grinning. But I got hit by a second wave of disorientation when I sat up. The unfamiliar shifting on my chest, the lack of anything between my legs was... weird. I went cross eyed for a second, and heard a giggling from the door, with an accompanying flash of light.

Alice, having anticipated some disorientation, had been waiting with her camera. "Good morning, sleepyhead! The first picture for your album looks good."

"Um, we'll have to delete that and put the camera in a plasma incinerator for reasons of security..."

"Oh, what are you worried about. Even with that hair and without makeup, you look cute. If worse comes to worse, we'll airbrush out the beard shadow."

"Beard shadow? I have to get changed!"

"Relax. I'm ashamed to admit, I'd planned on getting you into the sack, and made preparations, assuming that, like most guys, you wouldn't think enough ahead to have the necessary supplies on hand for a morning after. Girls can't let themselves get caught that way, so DON'T let it happen again, Susan."

"Yes, ma'am", I said, with a mock solute.

"That's better. Now, come to breakfast; we have a lot to do."

"A lot to do? I didn't have any plans for today."

"Well, Paul may not have, but Susan has several appointments."

"How can Susan have any appointments?"

"They were made on her behalf by an anonymous friend, as a birthday present. A belated birthday present, as I think you should use the first day you got stuck in Susan's voice as her birthday."

"My imaginary sister has a birthday?"

"Of course, silly, everyone has a birthday. But that is just my opinion. I'm just the contractor on this job, you keep final approval."

"I'm glad I get to keep something, as I seem to have lost something, along with some dignity, yesterday."

"Oh, you'll hardly miss it. Look, as it happens, I agree with your aunt. I think you should give Susan free rein for a bit. Now, how can you do that safely, if you want to do more than stay locked in an apartment? Just think about that, while we eat."

We had waffles, syrup, and bacon, with orange juice for breakfast. "Enjoy it; chances are good you're getting salad for lunch."

"I thought you were supposed to be turning me into a girl, not a rabbit."

"That is, indeed, todays theme: making you a convincing enough girl to be seen in public. If you want to forget about the whole thing, now's your chance to say so."

"No, this is opening up things I'd bottled up. It's probably good to do this."

"I hope you still think so in the evening, but ok. I did some research, and first, we're going to a wig shop in the city, to help you with your hair. After that, a fitting at a place that deals in supplies for medical patients and crossdressers, and then, we go shopping."

"This doesn't all sound like something you did this morning, while mixing batter."

"No, I've sort of been planning this since just after you came over the first time.

"Clear evidence of entrapment, your honor!"

"Yes, you are turning into a trap..."

"Too old. Wait, you don't know that terminology..."

"Wanna bet?" She walked over to the side of the bedroom, and pulled aside a hanging piece of cloth. Behind it was a bookcase, containing Manga and Anime.

"The books and games, most people can handle, but the manga lost me a guy when he innocently started to browse while I was out of the room, and ran across some Yaoi... Now, I keep that in here."

"Ah, another thing you've been hiding! Success! We'll get all those pent up emotions dealt with yet, Alice."

"Who is therapizing whom, here, Susan?"

"I'd hoped that it was mutual. Even June thinks you've been happier lately."

"June, huh? The two of you talk about me behind my back? I'll get her; I'll stick her on a couple of shifts with Phil."

"Well, it's June, she talks about anything to anyone. She made an observation about her bed being too big for just one, the other day. Seemed an odd thing to share."

"No, she was just reacting to you on a subconscious level as Susan. Girls will talk about anything with each other. I was always a bit aloof, so when you would get stuck, she'd get a girlfriend to talk to."

"Right, sounds dangerous. She'll have to go into the plasma, too."

Alice had me draw a bath, and soak for awhile, and then told me I needed to shave my legs, arms, and chest. After I did that, she laid out clothing. Bra, panties, pantyhose, half slip, top, skirt. The bra was the one she'd lost to me the night before in the Monopoly game.

My feet were fairly small for a guy, so Alice's shoes fit without pinching too much. This whole thing had started with my voice, so we knew we were good on that front. That left movement. And costuming. At least for today, costuming was Alice's department, so she coached me on movement. It turned out, I did seated fine (again, we'd already noticed that), and as I'd found when stuck, I walked like a girl. So mostly, that amounted to reminders to keep my knees together when sitting. My subconscious had evidently been girl watching for years, and taking notes, exposed to the same cultural influences without performance pressure.

Once I was dressed, Alice did my makeup, and brought the wig back out, which, as I was upright this time, could be fitted better. A few bobby pins to secure it, and I was declared fit for brief public contact.

It was late November, so it was cold out. Alice loaned me a coat. It was red, and fitted oddly. But looked ok, when I cinched in the belt a bit.

We drove to the wig shop, where the wig I'd borrowed was declared as just not me. The woman examined my original hair color, looked at my face, and declared I needed more red in my hair. Shoulder length, and brought out some examples. The first two or three were fine. The fourth one was...scary. She fitted it onto my head, fiddled with the brush for a second, and turned me to face the mirror, giving me back my glasses.

Looking into the mirror, at first, I didn't see anything other than me, Susan. And then I remembered, I wasn't Susan, but looking into the mirror, I almost couldn't see anything else. Clearly, that was a keeper. She added some caps, a brush, some cleaning supplies, and a storage case, and we were done.

At the next place, we were dealing with shape. There was a thing like the dance belt I'd worn years ago, called a gaff, for starters, which held my front "flat". From there, we moved into breast territory. She declared my surplus chest flesh, and Alice's pads as inadequate. Looking at my shoulders, she said I needed to be a C cup to compensate for the breadth on top, and brought out a waist cincher, and hips pads to construct my lower torso. She said my butt was fine on it's own, but that I wasn't wide enough "down there".

Putting it all together, I was beginning to feel as upholstered as a cheap sofa. I asked how much all this was going to cost, but she said the other woman had said there was to be NO discussion of prices in front of me. Evidently, the day was to be on Alice.

Still, once I put my clothes back on, they all fit better, and looked more normal than before. It got easier to keep my knees together, the more convincing I looked. I noticed a little bouncing in my chest, when I walked, and Alice claimed my butt was moving around more, as it should.

When we got back into the car, I asked how much this was costing. Alice refused to discuss it, saying she had resources to more than cover it in her mad money account. Also, the store owner had given us a discount, saying she might want me to come back to do some catalog modeling for them. Modeling? THERE was a foreign concept; Paul had never looked together enough to consider something like that.

Back in the car, composing myself, I tried speaking as Felicity. Alice declared it a success; she said I held myself differently when I was Felicity, but that the clothing all worked, although I could have used a higher collar and a longer skirt.

The next stop was the optometrist. I went solo there, while Alice ran an errand. Without optical insurance, everything was going to be cash, and they checked my eyes, noting my regular prescription was a little out of date, and remarking out loud that I should never have chosen those frames. I liked large lensed aviator glasses, although they were getting harder and harder to get, but had to admit, they were a bit at odds with my current appearance. They were having two for one, so while they prepared the lenses, I picked out two frames, one thin and gold, another thick and black with large temple pieces. Serious office girl power glasses. Both used lenses that were of a style I normally considered akin to mail slots, but adjusted so they stayed up my nose (for a change) they worked as well as my regular ones. The woman working there observed that I should consider contacts, and thought that green would go well with my hair. My hair was changeable, of course, but I said ok, and she said I could get a trial set in my prescription later in the week. The glasses were done, and Alice came back and paid for it all, not noticing the contacts were on the bill. Which gave me an idea for later.

The answer

By Lynda Shermer

Chapter 5 - Carol in the city

It turned out, Alice's errands were to get me some jewelry, a purse, and some things related to that, and generally accessorize. I put my spare glasses, in a case, into the purse. Alice added a key ring with copies of my keys (and, it was to turn out, some of hers), some make up, a pen, a pad, a pay-as-you-go cellphone. And a rectangular pouch, with something in it. They were cylinders, too big for pencils. What was it? Then I realized.

"Alice! I hardly think I'll be needing tampons..."

"Hush; everyone carries those. It's mandatory, a requirement of sisterhood."

Finally, a shoe store. By this time, I was wearing a dress, shaped as a woman, in a good wig and wearing makeup; as far as I could tell, the store clerks took me at face value until I took out my credit card from my purse to pay. Then they gaped and called their co-workers to come and see. Fortunately, the staff was entirely female. They marveled at me, and snapped photos with their phones. And then complemented me on my choices, and gave me a 10% discount and bade me to come back soon.

We’d bought work heels, running shoes, strappy heeled sandals, boots, and higher heels for formal. I thought it was too much, as Paul only tended to have one or two pairs of shoes at a time, for most of his life, but Alice assured me that this was just a starter set, and a woefully inadequate one at that.

All this had taken until the early afternoon, so we went to lunch. She made good on her threat to make me eat salad, with iced tea, as it turned out. My capacity was reduced by the waist cincher, anyway. We talked over lunch on generalities. Unlike a lot of new couples, we couldn't talk about our relationship (too complex for public), and work (potentially too risky to discuss in public.) But we had a lot of books, movies, games, let alone music, to discuss.

After lunch, we returned to shopping. I tucked my purse under my arm, for security, and we looked at clothing to suit my new shape. We went to a boutique, I got dresses, skirts, tops, a couple of belts, a different purse for formal, Another place for jeans, which fitted...weird. Too low, although they rested on the hips the padding gave me. Fitted tightly in the back, cut in at the front, and TIGHT in the legs.. From there, it was a lingerie shop. Panties: utilitarian, lacy, a thong (impractical as that seemed to me at the time). Slips, camisoles, pajamas, shiny and flannel. Sleepshirts, long and short. I noted a couple of items that Alice seem to be particularly interested in for later, but I firmly turned them down.

"How big a wardrobe do I need? This seems like a big deal just for a day out and an evening in with you."

"You should have choices, that's all. Besides, we have to consider dealing with June. She'll want to see you, and we want to get even for her breaking you."

A shop specializing in makeup did my colors and suggested a couple of changes from what I had on, which I promised to take to heart. Body wash, bubble bath, deodorant, soap, shampoo, rinse, scented talc. Alice said that a girls smell was made up of all these things, and they had to co-ordinate. You couldn't just rub down with Dial anti-bacterial and throw on speed stick in sports talc, and be ready to go. Even a "low maintenance" girl needed maintenance. And I was going to need more maintenance than most. We looked for a scent for me, but gave up in frustration. I wasn't using the body products yet, so we decided we just couldn't judge it properly.

Finally, a relatively high end shop for a work suit. I didn't notice that, as we decided on the pieces, Alice put aside two of each.

And with that, we were done. My feet were starting to hurt me, despite the better fitting shoes. Alice declared me a wimp, and we went back to the car, already overflowing with all my shopping. I seriously worried how much all this was costing Alice; as I said, I knew what the pay was like at the service. I was determined to pay her back for all this, eventually.

We went back to her apartment, where we struggled getting everything up the stairs. She'd already made room in her closet, somehow. After we got all of it put away, she went to get dinner ready, kicking me out of the kitchen. I curled up on the couch with one of my favorite books, borrowed from her library. At one point, there was a flash of light again; another shot for the album; cute girl curled up on couch with book. She said I'd looked like a young innocent girl in her late teens. I thought she was pushing it a bit.

That night, we played Scrabble in our nightshirts, and then just cuddled.

Sunday, we mostly lazed around the apartment, talking. I'd used the grooming products we'd selected, so I smelled more feminine today. Alice brought out some fragrances she had, and we found a nice one for Susan to use. We also set up Susan's Flickr, gmail, and Facebook accounts. And finally, Alice broached the question of Monday. We were going to be working with June. Alice wanted a full-dress Susan to show up, instead of Paul. I wasn't sure that would do the trick, but if I WAS going to show up in a nice business suit and heels, I didn't want to use my Susan voice, June had already heard it. So we started to invent Carol, and I started to think I was going to need a scorecard to figure out who I was. We came up with a voice I could sustain, and which was different enough from Susan and Felicity to hopefully work. We got into bed, made slow, gentle love, and fell comfortably asleep. Why had I gone so long between girlfriends, I wondered, as I drowsed off.

Hours at the service for our shift Monday started in the early afternoon, so we had lots of time. I was very nervous, and for the first time had trouble staying in a voice. Maybe adding Carol had stretched things too far, I thought. Well, she was a temporary expedient. The wig we'd gotten was a full lace wig, able to be glued, so it could be put up. Akice showed me how put it up into a bun, and I put on my black framed glasses.

When it was time, We gathered our work stuff, did one last inspection before the mirror on the way out the door, and walked to the el. Alice gave me instructions on what to be careful of when traveling, in a whisper, holding close to me. In the loop, we walked to the office. I noticed a lot of people watching, which made me nervous, so I mentioned this to Alice, who admitted we probably should have downplayed my look a little, but it was a normal interview look. The idea was that I was supposed to try out at the service, and had been briefed on the system. Alice had used her admin privileges to add me as a temp to the system.

Alice went up first, and I lingered for a bit at the news stand in the lobby, so we wouldn't arrive together. I took the opportunity to pick up a few magazines: Scientific American, Vogue, Glamour, and something that seemed to involve working out called Self. Cosmo. The perfume samples clashed, and could be smelled even through my bag, which I figured would have been true for anyone and was good cover. We'd applied "sports length" fake nails to my fingers last night, and co-ordinated the colors, but I still had a way to go in understanding what we'd done, so I picked up a beauty magazine as well.

Arriving at the office, I opened the door, and walked in. "Hello?", I said tentatively, in my new Carol voice.

Alice took the lead, "Hello, can I help you?"

"Yes, I'm Carol Marshall, I was told to be here starting at two to cover phones."

"Yes. You can take that desk over there." Which was not my customary station, but rather, behind June, so she wouldn't look at me enough to get suspicious.

"This is June," Alice continued.

"Hello, Carol."

"Hello, nice to meet you."

I went to the desk that Alice had pointed to, and Alice showed me how to log in.

June addressed Alice, "So, we have no male colleague today? That is a little odd. What happened to Paul?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't heard from him since Friday."

"Oh, spooked him, eh? Funny, he didn't seem the type to run, and normally, he's so good about calling in. This will cost him."

The call volume picked up. As Paul wasn't around, Dr. Willis' calls were distributed amongst us at random. I got a few, June got some, and Alice got some.

Part way through the afternoon, I said I needed to use the washroom. June offered to show me where it was, so we went together. While I was in a stall, I heard a minor curse from the one next to mine.

"June, what's wrong?"

"My period has started, and I forgot supplies."

"Do you need a tampon? Here." I dug one out of my purse, and handed it to her under the stall wall.

"Thanks, you are a lifesaver. I hope you decide to stay."

We both came back to the mirror.

"So how did you hear about this place?", she asked.

"I answered an ad, I was having trouble finding work, writing press releases, and decided to give this a try. I imagine it will be good life experience for my other writing, too."

"Oh, yeah, we have some real characters. Phil the philanderer, and remind me to tell you about Paul and Susan some time."

"Phil and Paul are our male colleagues? Is Susan Paul's girlfriend, or a co-worker I haven't met yet? And who is this Felicity I saw on the system?"

"That's complicated, too. We'll tell you once you've met Paul. You'll like him, but there are a few things you should know after you meet him. You'll have to be careful not to break him..."

We walked back. Alice asked to see June for a minute, and I took all the calls while they used the office, which as I've said, was mostly storage. Coming back, Alice said "Well, June assures me that the two of you can get along, so conditional on meeting the boys, you have a job if you want it."

I said thank you, and hugged June. Then, backing up, Alice and I both broke into laughter.

"What's so funny?" she said, suspiciously.

"I'm afraid we've been playing a prank on you. You see, Carol here would normally be better known under the name Susan."

"Susan?"

"Yes, June, it's me." I said in my Susan voice.

"But, but, Susan is just some odd corner of Paul's mind," she started.

"Yep, that's right." I said, in my normal voice.

"Oh god, this is just getting too confusing. Wait, you're not stuck?"

"No, I don't get stuck as Susan anymore."

"And Carol?"

"We needed a way to introduce Susan into the office without you catching on. This is payback for breaking me."

"Not fair! Alice broke you first!"

"We're dealing with that, separately."

"And when did all THIS," she waved her hand up and down my form, "happen?"

"Saturday."

"You've only been doing this for 2 days, and I just spent 15 minutes in the ladies room with you? I borrowed a tampon from you? Girl, you are just WASTED as Paul. Or ARE you wasted? Alice, what have you been up to?"

"Under advice of counsel, the witnesses decline to answer any questions at this time," she said with a smirk.

"Gorgeous and taken, the story of my life. Can I at least have Carol? You can have Paul, Susan, and Felicity..."

"Sorry, it's a package deal."

"I'm happy for all of you, although it sounds crowded. Is there anyone else I should be introduced to?"

"No!" Hopefully not, at any rate...

After that, I went back to being logged in as Paul. Alice hot-wired the system so that I could also fill in on female required calls, and June was going crazy as I went from Susan to Paul to, occasionally, Felicity, "If we're not careful, you'll end up covering two people's jobs, and we'll be laid off..."

"This is temporary, you'll see," I placated her.

"If it's temporary, can I have that suit you're wearing?" she riposted.

The next day, I showed up as Paul, as normal. I just did male and nonspecific calls, and those requiring Felicity.

I called Aunt Phyllis, on Susan's pay-as-you-go phone.

"Hello, Phyllis Wallace speaking."

"Hi, aunt Phyllis, it's your niece, Susan. I just wanted to give you my new number."
"Susan? I don't have any... Oh, Susan! It's nice to hear from you. Is Paul there? May I speak to him, please?", She sounded worried.

"Sure, just a second."

"Hello, Aunt Phyllis?", I said in my normal voice.

"Oh, thank god. After what you'd said about getting stuck, I was afraid you neuroses had eaten you. You don't sound panicked, so I assume you can turn it on and off now?"

"The voice? Yes. The person? Well, that is a little more complicated. As you'd suspected, it turns out Susan is nothing but another part of me. I owe you a good dinner next time I'm in town."

"And you found a safe place to let her out?"

"Yes, and hopefully next time you come to visit, I'll also be able to introduce you properly to Alice."

"Alice, your supervisor, the one you said no one could quite figure out? My, my. When you start taking chances, you go all out, don't you? I quite look forward to meeting the woman who could get Susan out of her shell, possibly at Thanksgiving, which I was calling to mention I'd be visiting over, before you quite trumped that news with yours... Now let me talk to Susan again."

"Aunt Phyllis, it's not like I have to hand the phone to her; it's all one mind, one body...", I said as Susan.

"Yes, dear, but you yourself keep doing it when you call, don't you? It's just a cross I bear because my nephew has an overly developed sense of the dramatic. Besides, as Susan, you are subject to different social strictures. It's convenient to maintain the illusion that there are two of you, and a useful reminder. And you always did enjoy acting, and entrances and exits are SO important. I do wonder, though, if you won't find that there are some differences in how you think."

"Well, I did notice that I was treated differently in public."

"You've gone OUT? You are moving quickly. When I'm cleared to travel for Thanksgiving, I am going to drop in for a visit, as I said. I can't wait to see my niece in the flesh. I don't suppose there are pictures?"

"Yes, I'll send you the URL of my Flickr page."

After work, I started down to the bar.

"nuh-uh, girlfriend." Alice stopped me.

"What?"

"You need to prep a little. A girl doesn't just go straight from work to a place like that."

With that, she and June pulled me down the hall to the ladies room, and proceeded to change my daytime interview look into a night time one. Making my eyes more dramatic, lips bolder, and my face a bit more contoured. They showed me how to roll the waistband of my skirt to take it up a little, unbuttoned blouse buttons, shaded cleavage.

Alice pulled a set of 3 inch heels from her bag, "It's time to take the training heels off."

My hair came down from my bun, and was brushed into a draped arrangement.

And I put my thick black framed glasses into my purse, taking out the gold framed second pair.

"Ah, she's been thinking ahead," Alice observed.

That night in the bar was...different.

We inevitably experienced some male interest, but we handled turning them down with humor, and didn't have to resort to mean spirited comments. There was one rather inebriated individual, but the three of us dealt with him with the aid of a hostess.

"So, what do you think, any of them look attractive to you?," June queried.
"No, the male physique still leaves me cold. I guess that's invariant," I replied. And it was true; I still was interested only in women, even if one of the candidates was, narcissistically and from a purely aesthetic standpoint, me.

Leaving the bar, we hugged goodnight, June copping a bit of a feel, wondering about my boobs, I think, before she went her way, and Alice and I departing to catch the subway train together.

Wednesday, I had off, but Alice had to go in, working with Phil and Beth, another co-worker. I got dressed, and did a little...Special shopping, at some of the places we'd gone on Saturday. Thursday, I went to work as normal, although June seemed a bit disappointed to see Paul again so soon. Friday was another day that Alice worked, and I was home. On Susan's keychain was a key to Alice's apartment, I went early, got ready specially, and started cooking. When Alice came home, I called to her, and she came to the kitchen.

There was a meal cooked and on the table. After dinner, I escorted her into the bedroom, and my dress fell to the floor on the floor, showing the lace body suit and thigh highs she'd so clearly liked at the lingerie shop. I curled on the bed, posing for my lover.

"Nice cleavage, by the way," she observed, noticing the breastplate I'd gotten.

"Thank you, but I really can't take any of the credit," I said, and giggled shyly.

In bed, we got to nuzzling each other, and the sort of affectionate play that couples do as an alternative to making love, and just before we both dropped off, she asked me, "Any other surprises, or are you the last sibling I need to meet?"

"No, Paul was an only child. Carol was just for the sake of the gag, and is gone. Susan and Paul are the only ones that have any sort of existence, although I guess I'm stuck with Felicity for the duration."

"She'll be perfect for Steampunk cosplay. Victorian/Edwardian finery. We should think about that, when the season starts up, next year. We'll need a nice hat, though. So who is going to work tomorrow? Paul, or Susan? Nobody new, please. This week has been confusing enough as it is, and right now, I'm just worried the payroll system will start spitting out checks to Felicity and Susan, and I'll have a lot of explaining to do..."

"Paul it is, then."

"Not Albert, or Sam?"

"Not unless you want to volunteer. My male identity is the least mutable, there you're stuck."

"No, you mean Paul is stuck. But at least, we found out how to fix that. Oh, by the way. Speaking of siblings, are you busy weekend after next? Want to take a trip?"

"What do you mean?"

"My sister is having a little trouble with my parents over her fiance and their commitment ceremony. Originally, I was going to give it a miss to express my displeasure with their meddling, but I just thought of something better. I have a plus one, and would like to support her. "

"So you're asking me to be your plus one."

"Well, no. I'm asking Felicity to be my plus one..."

So. Felicity was to be my girlfriend's plus one to a wedding, er, "commitment ceremony". To be fair, in support of her sister and her girlfriend, taking Felicity did place a distracting shot across her parents bow, which was evidently what was desired here. A distraction. And I AM Felicity. Saying that didn't make it all seem more reasonable, somehow. But it was a little early to be meeting the parents.

The ceremony was to take place at Allerton Conference Center, in mid state Illinois. That should have told me something, right there. Allerton includes a large formal garden, hedge maze, and a conference center on the grounds of an old robber baron estate (most of which, being early December in the midwest, was of questionable utility, being so dependant on the weather), donated to U of I by the family, and operated for meetings and events ever since.

A friend of mine in college had been a volunteer there, and thus I'd hiked it extensively before my parents illness, enjoying the plants, hedge maze, and local birds. It is a pretty site, even in December.

But still, why there?

Alice called her sister and pledged her support the next day. Assuring her she'd found a plus one (and failing to explain further), they got to talking about how things were going. Their parents were living up to their end of the bargain and had booked the site (although they were not happy about it), and catering was dealt with, but it seems a couple of the wedding party, sensing the strife, were no shows. While it was not too slavishly based on a traditional wedding, there was still a wedding party, but a couple of the bridesmaids had made their excuses and would not be attending. Before I could stop her, Alice had volunteered herself as maid-of-honor, and Felicity to be in the party.

After a brief further exchange of details, she hung up.

"What are you thinking? I've never been in a bridal party, even as a ring bearer!" I started.

"Relax, there won't be anything to it. We have to go get fitted for our dresses tomorrow, you'll hate the shoes, but it's mostly harmless. This late in the fall, the ceremony will be indoors, so you'll probably be spared the ordeal of walking on grass and gravel in heels."

That sunday, we started to plan. I was going to stay Felicity from now until after the ceremony for practice, and Alice started teaching me to do my own makeup.

Going in to work as Felicity, the next day, June was thrilled for me. "You get to stand up at someones wedding! This is one of the penultimate rites of girlhood. You're lucky! You'll get a dress, some pampering. It'll be fun. Just promise me there'll be pictures." I remained unconvinced.

Tuesday was uneventful, except that Phyllis called, saying her doctor had advised at least another week of convalescence, so it seemed she was to miss Thanksgiving after all. She was a bit bemused to find the phone answered by Felicity, but I begged leave to explain later.

That Wednesday, before our shift at the service, we went to the bridal shop. We were graciously ushered into the fitting room, which was the FIRST thing that made me nervous.

"Relax, Felicity! Jeez, we're to be in my sister's ceremony, we've a right to be here," Alice reminded me.

"YOU'VE a right to be here. The fact that four days ago, I didn't even know you had a sister is only the START of what's wrong with this picture, and me getting undressed to try on dresses is only going to show some OTHER issues with it."

"Gee, if you have trouble with that, how are you ever going to get through the spa day Friday? First of all, the bridesmaid dresses only have to be altered, not selected, at least, and I checked you over this morning and you don't show at all!," she told me, in a whisper.

I had some dresses, and some suits, but this would be the first dress chosen not to serve primarily as camouflage. In the fitting rooms, we saw the base dress, and the underfittings; a longline bra, corset, and garter belt and stockings.

If we fastened the breast forms with glue and covered the seams carefully, the bra was no problem, but I eyed the corset warily. "Won't my waist cincher do?"
"Not for this dress," Alice replied.

Despite the reputation of Bridesmaid's dresses being monstrosities that sit in the closet and never get worn again, these were fabulous. To gaze upon Alice in hers, I was torn between a purely aesthetic pleasure, and the desire to unwrap this ravishing package and make love to her, then and there, which is probably not the usual reaction in the fitting room. What I forgot to realize is I was wearing one of these fabric confections, as well, and that it was having an effect on Alice.

Standing next to me, laying a hand on my hand, she came in to kiss me, I had trouble catching my breath, and fainted (I'm sure the corset didn't help.)

When I came to, I felt funny. I had trouble letting Alice help me up from the floor where I'd crumpled. I seem to flinch away from her touch.

The attendants marked where the dresses had to be altered, and took them away, as we re-donned our street clothes. I examined my suit with a new appreciation.

On the street, waiting for an Uber back to the office, Alice looked at me, "Felicity, you seem different somehow."

"Oh, come, call me Paul."

"No, somehow that would seem wrong. I see less of Paul in you than I usually do. I'm beginning to wonder how good an idea this was. Just to be on the safe side, you'd better give me your aunt's number."

"Of course, but I think you're worrying about nothing." I was in no way as assured as I sounded, though.

"We'll see."

That night, after we'd made our way back to Alice's apartment, to be our base until after the events, in bed, staring at the ceiling, I was troubled.

"Alice," I said, "ask me something about work."

"Why?"

"I can't seem to get in my Paul mindset at the moment. My other voices seem inaccesible as well."

She hugged me, and I shied away from the intimacy. Something was up indeed.

"Well, I'd worry, but if we try to change anything maybe Felicity WON'T be able to make the ceremony, and that would be a problem at this point. Better to leave you broken until we get back, and then work on it. We've always been able to get you back before. I hate to leave it this way, but it seems safest," Alice decided.

And with that pronouncement of hers, I took a pillow and a comforter and went to make a bed of the couch, feeling very alone.

On Friday, we caught the early train to Champaign, making our spa date. As my hair was a wig, I wasn't getting anything done to it, but still getting facial waxing, eyebrow shaping, a leg wax, and a manicure with nail extensions was on the menu.

As we filed into the spa, Alice introduced me to her adopted sister, Jasmine.

"Happy to meet you, and glad to fill in. I've never been in a bridal party before," I told her.

"Goodness, and you seem so at ease! However did you manage to avoid that?"

"It might have something to do with the fact that my name is actually Paul..."

"You mean you're transgender? I was going to try to fix you up with a couple of the guests from across the aisle. How did Alice meet you?"

"What I am is a little unsettled at the moment. We actually are co-workers, although she dated my roommate back at University."

"You mean, YOU were the one who was stuck in the floor lounge reading 'Lord of the Rings' all those nights?"

"Does everyone know that story? It was just 'The Two Towers', really."

"I think we'll have to have a reunion after the honeymoon to get the rest of these stories for the album."

"I just hope you don't feel my participation in any way detracts from your ceremony."

"Quite the opposite. Under the circumstances, that may be the high point of the afternoon. You look lovely, and I'm a little jealous of my sister. And I can't wait to tell Joan."

Then her mother, Elizabeth, arrived, and we started in on our afternoon of beauty.

We had a pleasant time, punctuated with a few moments of pain; I almost forgot my worries about Paul, and when we were done, Alice and I both had half inch nails that matched our dresses for tomorrow.

We left for Allerton as a group, assuring that we'd be in time for the rehearsal if anyone was.

And the rehearsal went fine; I met Jasmine's girlfriend, Joan, for the first time. And...

As we arrived in the hall, Alice ushered me up to meet the minister, with a disturbing twinkle in her eye.

"Felicity, I'd like you to meet Minister Mike Wells, the nondenominational minister from campus who'll be officiating tomorrow."

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure, miss..," Mike started.

I moved forward to take his hand, and as I did so, a heel caught on the carpet. I only saved myself from tumbling to the floor by catching the floor with the palm of my hand, a save I had picked up in grade school gymnastics. Which, as it happened, Mike had seen me use before...

"Where did you learn to recover like that? It's a very unusual move; I've only seen once before..." Mike said, rushing to my side to steady me.

"Yes, Mike, it's me," I replied.

"Paul? It can't be. Let me look at you; I must say, you look lovely in that dress. How long have you been...Felicity?"

"Not long, it's temporary, and you could say it's Alice's fault."

"I see. No, I don't see. I have some congregants that could probably benefit just from seeing you, let alone talking to you, you seem so at ease and happy. How long have you been transitioning?"

"I'm not. This is just to show support for Alice's sister and her fiance."

"You look this good, and you AREN'T in transition? No hormones? What an unusual case..."

"I'm not a case."

"That remains to be seen," Alice said as she came back to our little group.

"Well, if you feel need of counseling or just talk, give me a call; this seems like exactly the sort of thing I deal with, most days... Heck, give me a call anyway; you're with Alice now? I have to hear this story sometime," Mike said, slipping me his card.

Which I stuck in my clutch purse. It would be good to catch up with Mike, despite the protracted explanations called for to stave off his professional side.

Alice led me to our starting position for the rehearsal and, after the announcement that her father would be joining us at dinner but not before, we started the rehearsal, joining the procession and ending up in front of the (hoped for, tomorrow) crowd.

Mike said a few words afterwards, and then we went to the rehearsal dinner; even with my diminished capacity (due to the corset), I was looking forward to something to eat, after all today's surprises.

As we entered, and after I found our seats, Alice continued forward, heading for the head of the head table, where a group was clustered, centered on one man that I suddenly realized I recognized.

There, ahead of me, was one of the toughest professors I'd had as a CS student; I'd had him for Compiler Construction, CS 341, a class used to weed out the weak students. I'd been forced to leave before the final when I withdrew to take care of my parents, and the interview with him about that decision stuck in my mind.

"Hi, daddy," Alice greeted him.

She made my introduction. I couldn't help being perturbed by the professor's "male gaze"; he seemed quite taken by my (false) bust line and hips... As we turned to go, he pinched my (padded) rear.

"I apologize for daddy; he's quite the inveterate womanizer, a trial we family members have to bear," Alice excused him.

At the hotel, we'd been booked separate rooms; Alice promised to check in with me before we left for the ceremony tomorrow. I cleaned up, changed for bed (flannel pajamas with flowers), and felt lonelier than ever, as I dropped off to a troubled sleep.

In the morning, I showered, and made a start at the parts of my makeup I was competent to do myself, and hoped Alice would be here soon, getting dressed to save time later, draping a towel around my neck against anything rubbing off.

Alice knocked shortly after, there to help me tie my corset, and finish my look. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a certain satisfaction that I looked so together. If I was going to be stuck doing this for awhile, at least I looked good. I wondered how long it would take me to learn to do the rest of my makeup by myself, so deeply was I in Felicity mode.

We took the limo back to Allerton, this time the two of us alone.

The ceremony itself went off without a problem. We all milled around in the aftermath, to give the happy couple a chance to get some photos in.

And there, at the back of the hall, with her cane, was Aunt Phyllis.

Alice had taken advantage of my giving her Phyllis' phone number to call her, after the incident at the bridal shop; she, herself, had been so disturbed by my manner during the call on Tuesday that, when told of thes ceremony, she'd disobeyed her doctors instructions and travelled to Champaign by herself, arriving at Allerton just before the ceremony. Alice had invited her; when I'd been made part of the party, I'd ceased to be a plus one, leaving Alice's free again (and gaining one of my own, if I had but known; I could have invited June...) Phyllis was Alice's guest.

I hugged her; she must have sensed something wrong, "Well, Felicity, it's good to see you, and hear from you again. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, nothing has worked so far. Felicity seems to have more of a hold than she used to have."

"Pish, tosh. I've said it before and I'll say it again; these episodes just manifest something you're felt the lack of and I'm sure once that need is realized and met, you'll be your normal well adjusted self again."

"And I say again, you were a dietician, not a psychiatrist."

"Pooh."

Then someone came to get the wedding party members together, Jasmine turned her back on our group, and something came sailing at me. I reflexively caught it. It was the bouquet! I'd gone and caught the bouquet. Alice congratulated me. "Um, Alice? I don't think this applies to me."

"There's nothing in the tradition that says anything about your gender. The key is that you caught it. Oh, and that you have to be a bride. You certainly look the part..."

We waved good-bye to the rest of the wedding party; we were going to be returning to Chicago instead of going to the reception, due to the vagaries of the Amtrak schedule.
I waved as the parents passed us, and I heard:

"At least some of the younger generation know how to behave at a wedding," rumbled the professor.
"Oh, be quiet, you old fool; that's a boy," rejoined his wife.

was the last thing I heard as the limo's drove by and then we drove off ourselves to catch the evening Illini back to Chicago.

"I told mother after the rehearsal dinner," Alice told me.

As Alice, Phyllis, and I left the park, looking at all the barren corn fields, not yet covered with snow, I finally realized why Allerton. The professor had gotten the venue at a preferred faculty rate! Undoubtedly with a handy off season discount, as well. The old fraud!

All the trip back to Chicago, we discussed Paul's plans, trying to recenter myself in them: going back to school, which courses he needed to finish his degree, gaming with his friends. To no avail; my mind and voice stubbornly stayed in Felicity mode.

That went on until we got back to Alice's place, where my change of clothes was (we'd given Phyllis the run of my apartment, and the key, for the day). We'd discussed and got nothing but the female perspective on Paul's plans. I started to get a bit frantic; I'd never been stuck this long before, and certainly not as Felicity. Maybe taking part in the ceremony had been tempting fate; participating in such a feminine event. Alice, holding my hand, and occasionally laying her hand on my head, in turns, kept me from dispairing until we were in private, back in her apartment; there, on a chair were Paul's clothes, and I'd never been less attracted to them in my life. Instead of changing, we decided to pull the covers over our heads, and see what the morning brought.

I got ready for bed, removing my makeup, moisturizing, and putting on my night gown, without thinking. I was so drowsy, I crawled into Alice's bed automatically instead of the couch, and turned on my side, facing the wall, sobbing a little.

As I fell asleep, I heard Alice say "Paul, Susan, Felicity, whoever you want to be; I love you and I want all of you in my life from now on." And with that, she kissed my cheek, and lay down next to me. I felt comforted, turning to spoon with her warmth, and dropped into a more contented sleep than I'd had in a week.

In the morning, I went into the bathroom and started the shower. Noting the redness of my chest where the forms were still attached, I picked up the solvent from where we'd left it by the sink, and applied it to their edges. As I peeled them free of my skin, I realized what I'd done in my half-asleep state.

"Alice! I'm back," I said, in my normal voice.

"Did you go out? No, wait, you mean YOU'RE BACK!"

Feeling confident, I quickly ran through the gamut of the voices I'd been using, even Carol. I could do all of them, and none of them exerted a lingering influence over my voice or state of mind.

"It seems you've cured me, Alice."

The end (at least for now)