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Prologue

Dear Reader, This is the second volume of my memoirs following on from 'Antonette's Story', which, if you haven't already done so, I respectfully suggest that you read first, in order to acquaint yourself with all the people mentioned in this new memoir. In my first book I recounted how, after being born with the body of a boy but definitely the brain of a girl, I finally transitioned in my late teens soon after I joined the Imperial Ballet Company as a member of the 'corps de ballet' At the end of that volume, I had just been informed that I had been promoted to 'Soloist'. Now my story continues

Chapter 1 The Nutcracker

When Miss Higgins, the ballet mistress told me that I had been promoted to 'Soloist', I confess that I almost skipped out of her office, anxious to find my husband Jack to tell him the good news. Jack had already been appointed Soloist, so now I had caught up with him. He was thrilled for me and grabbed me in a bear hug that almost knocked the breath out of me. Sometimes he forgets how strong he is, but I wouldn't have him any other way!

The news seemed to travel around the company very quickly and everyone came up to offer their congratulations. Even Monique de Valois, the company's Prima Ballerina, came up to me and said how pleased she was to hear of my promotion. This was heady stuff; However, I realised that with the promotion came new responsibilities. There was a chance that I would be appointed to understudy some principal rôles and I would certainly be dancing some minor solos where all the attention would be on me. I knew that many in the audience are experienced balletomanes, would be looking at my performances with a critical eye. Nevertheless I looked forward to the challenge.

It's been pointed out to me that I haven't mentioned the 'home theatre' of the Imperial Ballet Company, probably because I assumed that everyone reading my memoir would be familiar with it, but that is not necessarily so. It is the New Imperial Theatre in London's West End. When I say 'New', that is of course relative. The original theatre burnt down, which was the fate of many theatres back in the days before electricity, and the new one was built back in 1903. It is a lovely old theatre seating 1856 patrons. It has a large stage and orchestra pit, suitable for the biggest ballets, a large proscenium arch with red velvet curtains, and comfortable seating in a matching colour in three tiers, the Stalls, Dress Circle and Upper Circle, sometimes colloquially known as 'The Gods' since it is the highest area of seating and not recommended for people who suffer from vertigo.. There are large rehearsal rooms within the building Most of our productions are held there although occasionally we perform at such places as the Royal Opera House, home of the Royal Ballet, and theatres throughout Britain when we go on tour. There are also occasional overseas tours.

We were coming to the end of the year, and around this time, the Company always presents a season of Tchaikovsky's 'The Nutcracker'. This is the ideal production to introduce young people to classical ballet, and since it is set on Christmas Eve and Night, what could be more appropriate for that time of year? If you look at the audiences, they are at least ninety percent women of all ages, from grandmothers down to tiny tots wearing their tutus and no doubt imagining themselves dancing on the stage one day, and who's to say that some of them won't?.

The story of 'The Nutcracker' is quite complex by ballet standards – can I describe it in a nutshell? (Sorry, I couldn't resist that!) Originally written and performed in Russia, with choreography by the legendary Marius Petipa, there are many minor variations of the story, and for Western audiences, the characters' names are sometimes anglicized. It is performed to the enchanting and very familiar music of Pyotr Tchaikovsky.

The story starts on Christmas Eve when a teenage girl, Clara, her brother Fritz, and the rest of the family are hosting a party for their family and friends, gathered around the Christmas tree in their home. Clara's sister Louise and her boyfriend arrive. It will be noticed that in the second act, the Sugar Plum Fairy and her Cavalier look amazing like them! Clara's godfather, Herr Drosselmeyer, a toy-maker and magician arrives and presents the children with toys including Harlequin and Columbine, two life-size dolls which dance to entertain the company. There are presents for the children including a Nutcracker doll for Clara which her brother jealously breaks but is magically repaired by her godfather.

After going to bed, Clara sneaks back to the Christmas tree where the Nutcracker is lying to check on it, and she falls asleep with the doll in her arms. As the clock strikes midnight, things change; the Christmas tree grows or perhaps Clara shrinks in size and the toys come alive. A wicked Mouse King arrives with his army; the Nutcracker doll, wakes and leads an army of toy soldiers to fight them. He is almost overcome when Clara intervenes by throwing her slipper at the Mouse King, hitting him on the head and stunning him. The mouse army carry him away in defeat.

The Nutcracker turns into a handsome prince and rewards Clara by taking her to the Land of Snow where they are welcomed by dancing snowflakes, and then they go to the Land of Sweets where they are welcomed by the Sugar Plum Fairy.and entertained by a series of dances, Arabian, Chinese, Russian and Spanish and the Waltz of the Flowers. Finally, the Sugar Plum Fairy and her Cavalier perform a beautiful pas de deux The scene fades and suddenly we see Clara waking from sleep at the foot of the Christmas tree, still clutching her Nutcracker doll. Was it only a dream?. We are left to wonder.

My elevation to 'soloist' couldn't have come at a better time, since 'The Nutcracker' has a number of solo parts. It was the practice of the Company, for the Artistic Director, the Ballet Mistress and the Choreographer to meet and decide on who would be offered each part or to understudy it, and once accepted, to have a general meeting of the company to announce the casting.

We all met in the rehearsal room for the big announcement. As each casting was revealed, everyone politely applauded. As was expected, Monique de Valois was to be the Sugar Plum Fairy, Alfredo Ashton the Cavalier and Antoine de Vaux, the Mouse King. The Nutcracker and Prince were played by Kal McBride, a very handsome young man and a recent arrival at the Company When it came to the smaller solo parts, Jack was announced as Harlequin, and I was to be Columbine the lifesize mechanical dolls. Charlotte de Tomas would perform as 'Dewdrop' in the Dance of the Flowers. Finally the big announcement was made, that Lucie Manet had been given the part of Clara. I heard a few girls gasp that someone from the 'corps' was being given such an important part, but I would have been surprised if, with her obvious talent, she hadn't been given it.

Lucie was a charming girl, very pretty with long blonde hair and only eighteen, but she looked younger, so she was the ideal choice for Clara who was supposed to be fifteen. Not only that, but she was an excellent dancer and I knew would inevitably be appointed a Principal Dancer within a year or two; she might even be accepted as such at the Royal Ballet if she chose to apply, and that would be our loss.

We are great friends and I will take a few minutes to describe how it happened. Although not officially appointed to do so, I had taken on the rôle of welcoming new members of the 'corps' into the ballet if they seemed to be having trouble integrating; Jack did the same for the young male dancers. I think my experience of being a new girl at Marion Ladies College made me sensitive to how it feels being the new entrant into a group where everyone knows each other.

A few days after Lucie arrived at the Company, I came into the café and saw her sitting by herself, so I walked over and sat down beside her.

“Hello, I'm Antonette, and you're Lucie Manet I believe?”

Lucie blushed. “Yes, that's right.”

“Well, I'm not doing this in any official capacity, but I'd like to welcome you to the Imperial Ballet Company and hope you enjoy working with us.”

I could see that Lucie was on the brink of tears. “Thank you so much,” she almost whispered. My heart went out to her. I reached out and patted her hand. “It's alright, we were all new here once. Tell me, are you at all related to Édouard Manet the painter?”

“There is a family story that we are in some way related,” she replied. “Most people think that my name should really be Monet because he was the more famous painter.”

I smiled. “Manet was a very good painter too.”

Have you ever met someone with whom you instantly 'clicked'? It was like that for me and Lucie. As we chatted I gradually learned about her life story so far. She was born and brought up in the little village of Bitterley in Shropshire. It is only about four miles from the historic town of Ludlow which is fortunate, as Bitterley doesn't have a shop of its own. Lucie went to school in Ludlow and at an early age was taken to see a performance of 'The Nutcracker' and instantly fell in love with ballet.

She spent some years at the local ballet school run by a retired dancer from the Northern Ballet. Miss Blanchett, who saw Lucie's potential and told her parents that she had sufficient talent to pursue a career in ballet. They sensibly insisted that she complete her schooling first so that she had something to all back on if her attempts to join a ballet company failed; then she attended the summer school at IBC where I first saw her and was impressed by her talent, and she was invited to join the company.

If you want to know if someone is any good at ballet, ask someone who has danced with them as I subsequently did in the corps de ballet. It was obvious to me from the start, and I'm sure to Miss Higgins too, that Lucie had serious talent and was destined for great things, so now you know why I wasn't in the least surprised when she was chosen to play the part of Clara.

I have been thinking that ballet and other forms of dance are a universal art in the way many others are not. Performed in silence to a musical accompaniment, the stories can be seen and understood anywhere in the world, a bit like the original silent movies. When sound and speech came to the movies, it was hailed as a great step forward, but suddenly you had to understand the language spoken to make sense of the plot, so in that respect it was a step back. There is another similarity between silent movies and ballet; non-dancing 'Character' rôles, of which there are quite a few in 'The Nutcracker', are acted with the same flamboyant gestures. Do excuse me, sometimes I go off at a tangent.

I nearly forgot to mention that I was given a second rôle in the ballet. The Harlequin and Columbine dance is near the start of Act 1, and we would then have to wait for nearly two hours to appear at the curtain calls. You may wonder why we just didn't change and go home, but in ballet companies that is 'not done'. Then Miss Higgins called me to her office and said they would also like me to understudy a part in the Waltz of the Flowers which happens close to the end of the second act. There is a character called 'Dewdrop' who dances with the corps, but as a soloist with different choreography.There was plenty of time to change my makeup and costume if needed, so I was happy to accept the second rôle. Jack, unfortunately, was not offered another part and I was disappointed for him, but then fate took a hand.

Ballet dancers are undoubtedly athletes, and like athletes they are subject to having accidents. I've had one or two myself and so has Jack, but fortunately they were only minor ones, usually sprains. In the ballet's second act there is a Russian Dance for male dancers dressed as Cossacks. It is very short, less than two minutes but very energetic. Just before rehearsals started, one of the four men involved, Eddie, was having a fun game of football with some friends when he became a little over-enthusiastic, and tripped over an opponent lying on the ground, breaking his leg. Disaster! There was no way Eddie would recover in time to perform, so Jack was called into the office and asked if he would take over Eddie's spot and of course he agreed. A post script on Eddie; he was called up before the board when he was well enough to hobble around on crutches, and given an ultimatum, no more football or instant dismissal from the company. A chastened Eddie immediately agreed, a wise move. Watching Jack rehearse the Russian Dance, I was glad that it occurred near the end of the ballet. All of the men were panting after they finished it and no wonder, it's more exhausting than a hundred yard sprint.

Rehearsals began. Anyone who has seen several productions of 'The Nutcracker' will know that every one is different to a greater or lesser degree. You can find some extracts and even several versions of the complete ballet on YouTube, and see how different they are. Jack and my featured solos as Harlequin and Columbine are a case in point. In some productions the two dance quite separately despite being on the stage at the same time, whereas in others, they almost perform a pas de deux, it all depends on the choreographer and we were fortunate to have one of the best in Kenneth Bourne. After consultation with the director, he devised a sequence where Jack and I each did a mini-solo and then performed a brief pas de deux. I have always loved dancing with Jack, so for me this was the perfect outcome.

As soon as ticket sales were announced, we let our parents know that there would be strong demand for them, so they took our advice and booked early for themselves and my sister Jeanette, and managed to get five seats together in the mid-stalls on Opening Night. The rehearsal time flew by as it always seems to, and in no time it was the dress rehearsal, held before a number of local school children, including some from my old school Marion College, and then it was time for the Opening Night.

Standing in the wings listening to the orchestra play the Overture is a thrilling experience; the music is so familiar and yet to hear it played live is so special. The cabinets from which Jack and I would emerge had a false back that opened, so that we didn't have to stand there for about ten minutes until we appeared on stage during the Christmas Eve party, presented as life-size mechanical dancing dolls by Clara's godfather.

Jack was the first to be brought out of the cabinet onto the stage, wearing a costume with multi-coloured diamond-shaped designs and a black mask, a typical Harlequin costume. I appeared after Jack did his solo, wearing a multi-coloured tutu matching Jack's costume, , white face makeup with a bright red spot on each cheek and a bright red wig. As mechanical dolls, our initial movements were rather stilted, as though we were 'cranking up' to start dancing, but gradually our steps became more fluid. We finished to a round of applause and were then ushered back into our cabinets. Coming out of the back of them we gave each other a hug – it had gone very well. Then we went back to our dressing rooms for Jack to change for his appearance in the second act. He had plenty of time, but it always pays to get ready early.

The second act were even more successful. Jack and the other Cossack dancers received wild applause after their high energy performance with the famous squat kicks. I'm glad women don't have to do them! The 'Waltz of the Flowers' in which Charlotte played 'Dewdrop', was equally well received. The costumes the corps was wearing were just beautiful, masses of tulle in layers of different shades of pink which floated out as they spun around; together with the music, the effect was just magical. Charlotte's costume was also pale pink but with a much smaller skirt. The music is just amazing, very well known and so enjoyable for a ballerina to dance to. Although I was only understudying the rôle, I did get a chance to perform it in some of the matinees.

All too soon, the performance was over and we were gathering for our curtain calls. Jack was wearing his Cossack costume, and I appeared in my Columbine costume between the four men, before stepping back to let them have their own curtain call. There was a standing ovation for everyone, and the Cossacks received a special cheer. It was obvious that the performance had been a great success.

Afterwards we met up with our parents and Jeanette for supper to celebrate, and received many compliments on our dancing. I think Jack was the star of the evening for his Cossack dance and I think it was well deserved, but the family insisted on complimenting me for my 'Columbine' performance.

The rest of the season went very well; we played to full houses almost every night, and the final performance was only two days before Christmas Eve. I think we could have gone on for another month!

My parents invited Jack's parents. Jennifer and Michael, and his brother Ben to join us for lunch on Christmas Day. My twin sisters, Celine and Justine were also there.

Celine surprised me when she told me that she and Justine had attended a performance of 'The Nutcracker'. “Don't look so shocked, sis,” said Justine, laughing. “We're not total Philistines you know?”

I could feel myself blushing. “I didn't really think ballet was your 'thing',” I said.

“Well it isn't really, but when your baby sister is starring, we are prepared to make an exception.”

“I'm not a star, although it was my first production as a soloist,” I replied.

“And you did very well, not that we are experts on ballet, and as for Jack's Cossack Dance, that was amazing.”

“It certainly was,” I agreed.

I had a second surprise when Ben asked me how Kate was going, since he knew that I frequently corresponded with her.. She seemed to have made quite an impression on him, although he knew that she was married. To be honest, I was a tiny bit worried about Kate; I had told myself not to be surprised if I didn't hear from her so frequently now that she was married, but her emails had certainly diminished in frequency, content and size. There was nothing in them to suggest that she wasn't happy, indeed she hinted that she hoped she would soon have good news to tell me, which I interpreted to mean that they were trying for a baby. Despite this, there was something, call it female intuition if you like, that made me feel that there was a dark cloud on the horizon.

To be continued.

Next time Kate

A youtube video here: gives you an idea of the Waltz of the Flowers as the company performed it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKcZL8q1eBw&list=RDLKcZL8q1e...

There are a number of variations of the Harlequin and Columbine scene. Here is one of them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCBd2Zkb4o0&list=RD3oj9ISIlUJ0

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Chapter 2 Kate

Kate and I had been firm friends for a number of years. She was the sister of Gary, my first boyfriend, and I only met her a short while before her family emigrated to Australia. Despite this, she made me a gift of her most treasured possession, the bride doll Jemima, the day before they flew out, and she did it while I was out for a final day with Gary so I didn't even know until I returned home. After that we started exchanging aerograms on a regular basis and in due course they were replaced with emails.

Kate trained as a nurse and came over to England for a year, working at St Thomas's Hospital in London and it was then that Ben, Jack's brother, met her. I could tell that he was rather smitten, but Kate had a boyfriend, Bruce, back in Australia to whom she was 'promised', and in due course she returned to Melbourne, and they got married. Jack and I actually flew over and attended the wedding.

What did I know about Bruce? Not very much. The only time I met him was at their wedding and that is hardly normal circumstances. He was a mechanic working in the garage where Kate's parent's car was serviced. A big fellow, six foot six inches tall, with bulging muscles, he played 'Aussie Rules footy' In winter, a game with a lot of physical contact, more akin to rugby than British football. In summer he played cricket for the same club. I think Kate had been mesmerised by his resemblance to the typical Aussie as seen on the screen, played by Chips Rafferty or Paul Hogan, and he in turn was captivated by Kate, the English rose, so different from the suntanned Aussie girls with their bleached blonde hair. There was also the attraction that Kate insisted on being a virgin until their wedding night, something that put me in mind of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn for some reason.

I can't say that Kate and I had no secrets from each other. To my eternal shame, I had never told her that I was 'trans', since I went out with her brother for a while and he didn't know either. However, in almost everything else we were extremely frank with one another, and soon after Kate returned to Australia she confided in me that the marriage had been arranged and that she had fallen pregnant, something that surprised me, knowing how much she wanted to remain a virgin until her wedding night. I couldn't help wondering just how much pressure Bruce had exerted to make her change her mind. If it had not been for the pregnancy, I wonder if she might have had second thoughts about getting married, but marry she did, and then shortly afterwards, she wrote to me the heartbreaking news that she had lost the baby. I don't think either her parents or Bruce's ever knew about it. I wondered afterwards if Bruce blamed her for the loss as men sometimes do. To make matters worse, they were told that it would have been a boy. It might have been better not to know, but Bruce insisted.

Things went on as before with an email every few weeks, but somehow I felt there was something very wrong but I didn't know what. Then an aerogram arrived addressed to me in Kate's handwriting and I noticed that there was no return address on it, something she had always included in the past. The writing was not her usual neat script but rather a scrawl, and I confess my hands were close to shaking as I opened it. It read as follows”

'Dear Antonette,
Excuse my scribble but I am writing this in my tea break at the hospital on a spare aerogram I found at home. One of the other nurses will post it for me as Bruce drops me off at work and picks me up, and he mustn't see this. I am sorry to say that I made a terrible mistake in marrying him. He is not the man I thought he was. He controls everything I do and is so jealous that I dare not speak to another man when I am with him. You saw in my last email my hint that we are trying for another child. It won't happen because I am on the Pill which I arranged to get from the staff doctor and the Pharmacy at the hospital. I keep the tablets well hidden as I don't know what Bruce would do if he found out. I've done it to buy myself some time.

Please keep writing emails to me as usual so that Bruce doesn't suspect anything but remember that he reads every one I write and receive, so please be careful what you write. I am going to talk to my parents but they may say that I made my bed and now must lie in it. I will ask them if I can at least receive letters or emails from you at their address and not to be shown to Bruce. That is all for now.
Much love, Kate.'

I was so shocked that I read it through twice. Poor Kate, what had she got herself into? I could not imagine what it would be like to be married to a man like that; Jack and I had such a wonderful relationship with total trust in one another. At the first opportunity I showed the letter to him and he was as shocked as I was.

“He sounds like the sort of man who might turn violent if she leaves him,” he said.

“That's what I was thinking,” I replied. “If I get a a chance I must tell her not to make him suspicious if she decides to leave.”

Then I had another thought. “Please don't let your brother know about this; he has a soft spot for her and if he knows. he might do something stupid which will make matters worse for her.”

“Agreed,” said Jack. “He went out with her a few times when she was over here and I rather think he was hoping that she would stay in England.”

I couldn't stop thinking about Kate. Her letter read like a cry for help, but what could I do from twelve thousand miles away? I felt that I needed to talk to her, and the only way to do that without Bruce knowing was to ring her at the hospital. I worked out the time difference and rang the hospital, hoping that she was working but she wasn't. I asked when her next shift started, her tea break time and the ward where I would find her. The following day I rang again and this time I was able to speak to her.

“Kate! It's Antonette. I got your letter and felt I must ring you.”

“Antonette! It's so wonderful to hear your voice. I'm sorry to worry you, but we are friends and I don't know who else I could tell about what is happening.”

“I'm glad you wrote to me Kate, but is there a way I can contact you in secret? Have you spoken to your parents?”

“Yes I have and they seem to think I am making a fuss over nothing. They said I should be happy that Bruce cares so much about me, but they don't know what it's really like. I'm taking the Pill because if I got pregnant again, I would be really trapped.”

“Could I write emails to you on something like Gmail or Outlook that you could access at work?”

“I'll have to ask the ward sister and only do it during my tea or lunch breaks. She might think I'm conducting an affair, so I'll have to explain that you are an old friend in England and my husband doesn't like me corresponding with you. That might work.”

“Don't use your own name for the emails just in case Bruce finds out, o.k.?”

“ Yes, I understand. Look, I'll have to get back to work now, but its so lovely to hear your voice.”

“You too, Kate. Just one final thing; if at any stage you decide to leave Bruce, don't give him any hint of it. I've heard of wives telling their husbands they were going to leave them and it didn't end well.”

“I understand, Antonette. I'll speak to the ward sister today and when I can, I'll send you an email. Bye for now, and thanks again for ringing, it's done me a power of good.”

When I put the phone down, I felt better for speaking to Kate, but that didn't really help her situation. I would discuss it again with Jack and see if he had any ideas.

A couple of days later I received a Gmail message from MaryBoleyn,.the name Kate had chosen. Thank goodness she didn't chose Anne, that might have been a bad omen.

So began a strange situation, where I wrote bland innocuous emails to Kate as herself, and received equally bland ones back, while using her 'nom de plume' she told me exactly what was going on. It seems Bruce was not beating her but he was controlling her every move and especially the money they jointly earned. He was also drinking a lot and when he was drunk she stayed away from him as much as she could for fear of what he might do.

Much of the time I wrote about what we were doing at the ballet company and Bruce made some unkind remarks that I must be a lesbian since I was married to a 'poofter'. Kate told me that remark was ironic since at the footy club Christmas party all the players had dressed up as ballet dancers with homemade tutus and did a dance. 'I don't know what a psychologist would make of that' she remarked in one email.

While I was working, I did my best to put her problems out of my mind and concentrate on my work, but when I was home or reading one of her emails, I felt very worried about her. How long could she stay on the Pill and not get pregnant before Bruce became suspicious? After all it seemed she became pregnant very quickly the first time.

About a month passed and then the message I had been dreading arrived – Bruce had found the pills. Kate had taken them out of their normal packaging and secreted them in her underwear drawer, but Bruce had obviously decided that something was wrong and was searching everywhere when she was at work. The day he found them, he picked her up from work as usual and said nothing, but she sensed from his silence in the car that something had happened. When they arrived back at the flat, he produced the pack of pills and said “Are these what I think they are?”

Kate tried to think of something to say but her embarrassment gave her away. “I just don't want a baby right away, Bruce. We're saving for a house and if I have to stop work it will half our income.”

“Bugger that, I want a son,” he replied and slapped her face, the first time he had hit her, but it wasn't the last. The next time she had a period and he knew she wasn't pregnant, he blacked her eye as if it was her fault. Kate was now terrified; if she became pregnant she was trapped.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Fortunately we had recently moved into a two-bedroom flat at very little increase in rent from our previous one. I had a discussion with Jack and wrote to Kate asking if she had a current passport. She replied that she did but she didn't have any money as Bruce had totally taken over control of their finances. I replied immediately, telling her that if she wanted to escape and come over to England, Jack and I would buy a one-way ticket for her and she could pay us back later. I didn't hear anything back for a day and then came the message that she wanted to come over. I told her not to risk Bruce knowing by packing a suitcase; if she could bring a few things in a handbag that would be fine, otherwise we would loan her the money to buy some clothes when she arrived. I knew she could easily get a job at a hospital once here and she could even stay with us for a while until she found somewhere to live. She was overcome with gratitude but I told her it was the least we could do for her.

Between us we worked out what she should do. After Bruce dropped her off at the hospital as usual, she would go to Human Resources and say she had a sick relative in England and needed leave of absence to go there urgently. Then with the little money she had, she would take the bus to Tullamarine airport and go to the airline desk where she would pick up the ticket for the flight. Once she was on board she would be safe. All being well, Bruce wouldn't know until he arrived to pick her up at the end of her shift. The hard part would be that we wouldn't know that everything had gone according to plan until she arrived at Singapore and contacted us, as by now Bruce had even taken her mobile phone off her.

The day that Kate was due to leave arrived. With the time difference, it was the middle of the night in England when she was due to arrive in Singapore, but I just couldn't go to sleep, so I told Jack to go to bed and sat up trying to read a book while waiting for the phone call from Kate.. The time that she should have landed arrived and I knew I had to wait while she left the plane and found a phone. I watched the second hand of our clock circle at a glacial speed. A hour passed and nothing. What could possibly have happened? I logged onto my computer to see if there was a message from Kate on either of the names she was using, but there was nothing. Surely Bruce hadn't come back to the hospital for some reason and caught her as she was leaving? Where was she?

To be continued

Next time: Kate's attempt to escape

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Chapter 3   The Great Escape

The time passed and despite my best efforts, my eyelids began to droop and finally I fell asleep. Suddenly the sound of the telephone ringing jerked me into consciousness. I glanced at the wall clock, it was three hours after Kate should have arrived in Singapore. My hand shook as I reached for the telephone. Was I going to hear Bruce screaming abuse at me, or Kate crying and saying she couldn't get away? I picked up the receiver.

“Hello?” I said, trying to steady my voice.

“Antonette? It's Kate here, I'm in Singapore!”

“Thank God, Kate, I thought something had happened to you!” I exclaimed.

“Well, it sort of did. I'll tell you everything when I arrive there. You know I don't have a mobile phone any more and one of the ladies on the airline desk kindly allowed me to use their phone but I can't stay on long. The flight was delayed by three hours, so I've only just arrived here. That means I'll be arriving at Heathrow about midnight. Are you still able to meet me?”

“Of course, Kate,” I aid. “I've been having kittens here thinking that something had gone wrong.”

“It very nearly did,” she replied. “But I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Meanwhile, here's my flight number, and I look forward to seeing you both in about twelve hours.”

I was so relieved that tears started In my eyes and that's what Jack saw when he came out of the bedroom.

“What's wrong, couldn't she make the flight?” he asked.

“No, she's on it but it was delayed three hours; she's in Singapore now,” I replied, unable to stop the tears of relief coursing down my cheeks. Jack came up and hugged me.

“All's well that ends well, then,” he said.

“I guess so, but I was really worried when I stayed up so long and there was no word from her.”

“Well, I suggest you come to bed and get some sleep,” said Jack. “We'll hear all about it tomorrow, well today actually because it's well past midnight.”

I allowed him to take my hand and lead me to the bedroom. We snuggled up together and I'm sure it was only minutes before I was fast asleep.

--ooOoo--

The following morning which was Sunday, I felt refreshed and more relaxed, although the day really seemed to drag, waiting for the time when we could drive to Heathrow. I had set up the spare bedroom for Kate and even put Jemima on the pillows to welcome her. I wasn't too sure how I felt about giving Jemima back to her, but if she really wanted her, well Jemima had only really been on loan all these years. I checked the room over a dozen times, hoping that everything was perfectly set up for Kate.

At long last it was time to drive out to Heathrow which is a good hour from where we were living. The plane was due to arrive at midnight which was well past our bedtime, but in this case we had to make an exception. We detoured around the city because we lived in the north, and Heathrow is in the south-west. We parked in one of the gigantic car parks, as near to the overseas arrivals terminal as we could get, although the car park is well lit and there were plenty of other people around.

We arrived far too early of course, as people tend to do when picking up overseas arrivals. Really the arrival time of the aircraft is easily time enough because by the time the passengers have picked up their baggage and negotiated Customs, at least another hour will pass. Despite this everyone feels that they might be late if they are not there an hour before the plane lands.

The Arrivals' Hall is cleverly designed, with a coffee shop situated right across the hall from the doors through which arriving passengers appear, so we bought ourselves a cup of coffee and sat down to wait. We kept watch on the Arrivals Board, and eventually, Kate's flight landed. Then there was about another hour's wait. Eventually the First Class passengers appeared; you can tell that by the look and amount of their luggage. They were followed by Business Class and finally Economy, colloquially known as 'Cattle Class'. Why is it that the person you are waiting for always seems to be the last to appear? Finally, there was Kate, and much to our surprise, she was towing an enormous suitcase. We rushed across the hall to the end of the barrier and then she was in my arms and we were hugging each other and shedding floods of tears. Jack stood back until this display of female emotion subsided, and then came forward for his hug too.

“It's so lovely to see you, Kate. I thought something terrible had happened when you didn't ring at the time you said.”

Kate grimaced; “It very nearly did, but the main thing is that I'm here now.”

Jack said; “Why don't we walk to the car and you can tell us all about it while we drive home? I'm guessing you are feeling bright as a button, but it's getting a bit past our bedtime.”.

We picked up the car and I sat in the back with Kate while Jack played chauffeur. I was curious to know what the story was about the big suitcase. I had expected Kate to bring very little luggage owing to the way in which she was going to catch the plane, so Kate told us the story, and what a story it was.

“Some time ago I made up my mind that I should separate from Bruce at least for a while,” she began. “I started to sort out the clothes I would take with me and put them in one corner of the wardrobe, the same with underwear and shoes. The big problem was that I didn't have access to any money. Bruce has transferred all the money in our joint account into one in his name only and the little I had wouldn't get me far.”

“Did you talk to him about separating?” I asked.

“Good heavens, no! He wouldn't react well to that at all. Anyway then came your generous offer of paying for my flight to England. I still had access to my passport. Bruce obviously thought that with no money I wouldn't be travelling anywhere overseas. On the day that I was to fly out, I know the original plan was for me to go straight from the hospital to the airport, but then I realised that if I arrived here without any clothes, in addition to your generous payment of my airfare, I would have to ask you to loan me more money to buy clothes, despite having my own clothes in Australia. I decided it was worth taking a risk.

“After Bruce dropped me off at the hospital, I went to Human Resources and told them that I had to travel to England urgently to a relative who was very ill and requested leave of absence which they kindly gave me. After dropping me off, Bruce had gone to the garage where he works, so now I took a taxi back to the flat and asked him to come back in twenty minutes, thank goodness I didn't ask him to wait for me. I pulled out the suitcase and started to load up my clothes, shoes and makeup. Fortunately the bedroom is at the front of the flat facing the road because I heard a car door slam, and peeping out through the curtain, I saw that it was Bruce! I don't know what he was doing back at the flat but I can tell you I nearly fainted at the sight of him. I shut the suitcase and hid it in the wardrobe behind some clothes and then I locked myself in the toilet. If he realised I was there, I would say I had gastro and had to come home.

“Pressing my ear to the door I could hear him moving around downstairs. He must have been looking for something. Time was passing and I was terrified that the taxi would come back .Maybe he found whatever it was or else gave up because after about ten minutes I heard the front door slam, so I came out of the toilet and saw him drive away. I pulled the suitcase out of the wardrobe and crammed in all the other things I wanted to take, and rushed downstairs, just as the taxi drew up. He was apologetic about not being on time because he took another job which took longer than he thought and I said that was alright. I didn't tell him I've never been so pleased that a taxi was late!

“I had just enough money to get him to take me right to the airport and once I collected my ticket from the desk and was on the plane I heaved a sigh of relief, but it wasn't over yet. We pulled back on time and taxied to the runway and then we stopped for about ten minutes and everybody wondered what was going on. Finally the captain made an announcement that there was a mechanical problem and the plane taxied to the engineers' workshop for repairs. We sat there for about three hours and the cabin crew served us drinks and finally lunch to keep us occupied. I didn't mind as the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the terminal and be offloaded just in case Bruce had caught up with where I was and come after me. I forgot to tell you that I left him a note at the flat saying that I thought we needed a break from one another, and please to not try and find me, although I doubted he would do that. We finally took off after about three hours and when we got to Singapore I phoned you as you know.”

“What a drama,” I said. “You could just about make a film about that.”

“I can almost laugh about it now, but believe me, it was terrifying at the time,” said Kate.

“I'm thinking that Bruce might phone your parents to see if you are there, and they'll be worried about you; do you want to ring them?” I asked.

“He won't do it for a few days at least. With me having next to no money he'll probably think that I'll return with my tail between my legs after a few days. You are right though, he'll probably ring them eventually, so I should let them know. I might ring my brother Gary and tell him where I am, but ask him to ring Mum and Dad and just tell them I'm safe and well, but not where I am, so that if Bruce rings them they can honestly say they don't know.”

“Well, you are welcome to use our phone. Just remember that we are nine hours behind Melbourne at present,” I said.

It was only a few minutes later that we arrived at our flat. Jack lifted Kate's suitcase out of the boot and wheeled it into the flat. I showed her to her room, and the first thing she saw was Jemima propped up against the pillows on the bed.

“Goodness me! You've still got Jemima!” she cried.

“Of course I have; you left her in my care and I have looked after her as well as I could since then,” I replied.

“Oh Antonette!” Kate burst into floods of tears. I think she had tried to hold back her emotions while Jack was there but now she couldn't any longer. I just held her as her sobs racked her body. Eventually she settled down.

“Kate, I think the best thing might be for you to go to bed now. You've had a really traumatic experience and we're all feeling tired. Things will seem better in the morning.”

The following morning, Jack and I were up early despite our very late night. It was Jack's turn to make breakfast. We always had a substantial one when we were rehearsing as we burnt up plenty of calories. After porridge, bacon and eggs, I was feeling comfortably full when Kate appeared.in a fluffy white dressing gown.

“Good morning; you should have woken me,” she said. She looked a lot better than she had the previous night.

“I looked in on you and you were fast asleep so I thought I had better leave you,” I replied. “We have a rehearsal today, starting at nine o'clock, so we will have to leave you. What would you like to do, rest and get over your jetlag?”

“I need to get a job as soon as I can,” replied Kate. “When I worked at St Thomas's, they told me that if I ever returned to England they would love me to work there again, so I thought I would ring them as soon as H.R., opens at nine o'clock and see if they have any vacancies. If not them, I'll try some other London hospitals.”

“I'm sure they'll find a place for you, but in the meantime, Jack and thought we should loan you fifty pounds to be going on with. Let us know if you need some more.”

“Oh you are too kind, both of you, and after loaning me the money for the airfare too!” rxclaimed Kate.

“You can pay us off after you get a job, but take your time,” replied Jack.

“Would you mind very much if I use your landline phone to call Gary and tell him what's happened?” Kate asked.

“Of course not,” said Jack, so off she went to make the call. She wasn't gone very long.

“He said he wasn't totally surprised,” said Kate. “It seems everyone saw the real Bruce except me.”

We gave Kate the money, a key to the flat and also loaned her my phone in case she went out and needed to contact us. Then we headed to the rehearsal rooms for the first day of the next production “Sleeping Beauty”. I was very excited as I had been made understudy for the rôle of 'Carabosse' , and Jack was understudy for the Prince in Act 3.. I had better briefly explain the story of the ballet which is as follows:

There is a christening ceremony for Princess Aurora, the daughter of the King and Queen, and six fairies are invited to bestow gifts; but one other, Carabosse is not invited and furious at the slight she turns up surrounded by her minions, in this case rats who scare the guests. She humiliates the courtier who neglected to invite her and puts a curse of the princess that on her sixteenth birthday she will prick her finger on a spindle and die. Fortunately the Lilac Fairy is able to change the curse so that Aurora will fall into a deep sleep for a hundred years along with the whole court.and will only awake if a handsome prince finds her and kisses her.

In the next scene, it is Aurora's sixteenth birthday and despite all spindles being banned in the kingdom, Carabosse in disguise enters the palace and presents one to Aurora, who fascinated, dances with it but pricks herself and falls into the deep sleep as promised by the Lilac Fairy. The whole court then falls asleep too.

In the final act, it is one hundred years later, and with the whole court in a deep sleep and the palace now hidden by a forest along comes Prince Désiré (what a strange name for a prince!) with a hunting party, which seems to be the favourite occupation for princes in ballets. However the Prince is not in the mood for hunting and asks his companions to leave him. The Lilac Fairy appears, and shows him a vision of Aurora and he falls instantly in love and begs the fairy to take him to her. He awakens her with a kiss and with that the rest of the court awakens, On the final scene there is a grand celebration as Aurora and Désiré marry and blessed by the Lilac Fairy, they live happily ever after, the perfect conclusion, except I suspect that Prince Désiré wasn't allowed to go hunting again!

In some productions, Carabosse is played by a man, mainly in order to make her look as ugly as possible. I have two objections to this, firstly because, while you can say that ballet is a mime, it's not a 'pantomime' as we understand the term, and a male Carabosse reminds everyone of a pantomime 'dame'. The second reason is that it deprives a female dancer of a great solo rôle. Fortunately, the IBC has always cast a female dancer in the part.

Understudies are actually very important people and essential for major parts just in case the regular performer cannot take part for some reason. Despite that I know that a lot of people think that it is a thankless task which confines you to sitting in a dressing room at every performance 'just in case'. However it is a recognised path to performing major rôles and Jack and I were given some small parts as a village girl and youth and also guests at the celebrations to occupy us.if we weren't needed for the major rôles. The company also had a tradition of using understudies during matinées if there was an evening performance, to give the principal a break, so I knew that both Jack and I would have some chances to perform the major rôles.

The company also had a tradition of allowing the principal and her or his understudy to rehearse together with the choreographer. In my case, the principal playing Carabosse was Mariette de Chasseur (a French rendition of her real name which was Mary Hunter). She was very friendly to me and we worked together well. I felt sure that I was gaining more from the experience than her as she was a superb dancer and rehearsing with her improved my technique I'm sure. The last thing I wanted was for members of the audience to be disappointed that an understudy had performed in place of the principal.

To be continued.

Next time: A new beginning?

---

Chapter 4   A new beginning?

As Jack and I travelled home after that day's rehearsal, both of us feeling more than a little tired after having so little sleep, I had a discussion with him.

“I'm sure Kate will easily get a job, if not at St Thomas's, then another of the big London hospitals,” I said. “How do you feel about her staying with us?”

“She's welcome of course,” said Jack. “But she might feel that she is imposing on us too much, so she might be able to share a flat with one of the other nurses.”

“We'll see,” I replied. “There's something else I want to discuss with you. When she was last here, she went out with your brother Ben a few times, and he was really smitten with her.”

“Are you sure?” said Jack.

“Quite sure,” I replied. “Women know these things.”

“But she didn't feel the same about him?”

“I think she was quite fond of him but she felt committed to going back to Bruce in Australia. Now that that is over, things are different.”

“You don't think she'll go back to Bruce?” asked Jack.

“I'm quite sure she won't,” I replied. “He's wrecked their marriage and she'll never trust him again. Anyway, getting back to Ben, things could be different this time around, but he needs to know to take things slowly and start by just being her friend. I think you should talk to him.”

“On the contrary, darling, I think you should talk to him,” said Jack, very wisely, which was what I hoped he would say.

When we arrived back at the flat, we opened the front door to the delicious smell of cooking. Kate appeared out of the kitchen wearing one of my aprons over a pretty summer dress.

“I hope you don't mind, but I bought some items to make a casserole for tea.”

“Mind?” I laughed. “I was just thinking about what we might have for tea and that smells delicious.”

Kate blushed slightly. “It's the least I could do after all your kindness to me.”

“So how did you go today about getting a job?”

Kate smiled. “I rang St Thomas's and they asked me to come in for an interview. One of the ladies in H.R. recognised me but she was too polite to ask why I was back so soon. She said they can always find room for a good nurse. The result was that I start at St Thomas's next Monday. That gives me time to get over my jet-lag. They gave me two uniforms, so I'm all ready to go.

We really enjoyed our tea, and then we watched the news on television. After that, I went to our bedroom to make a phone call while Kate and Jack watched another program. Ben answered the phone and after the usual pleasantries, he asked what Jack and I were doing.

“We're rehearsing 'The Sleeping Beauty',” I replied. “I'm understudying the bad fairy and Jack is understudying the prince. We'll be getting a couple of performances so I expect you to come along and bring your girlfriend.”

Ben snorted. “What girlfriend? You know me, Mr Lone Wolf.”

“Ah, well there I might be able to help you; Kate is back in London.”

There was about five seconds silence, perhaps I should say 'stunned silence'. When Ben answered, his voice sounded strange, almost strangulated..

“Kate? In London?”

“Yes, it seems the marriage didn't work out and they've separated.”

“I see,” said Ben, another pause.. “London seems a long way to separate.”

“Well, there's a reason for that,” I replied. “She thought it best to get well away from Bruce. The reason I'm telling you this is that when she was here before, you two seemed to get on well together.”

“But then she went back to Australia,” said Ben, unable to hide the bitterness in his voice.

“That was because she's the person she is, and felt obligated to honour the promise she'd made to Bruce. That's all in the past now. Look Ben, if you'd like to see her again, I think she'd be happy with that, but it's up to you to keep things low key at first. She needs friends right now, not a lover.”

“Of course I'd like to see her,” Ben said. “But only if she'd like to see me.”

“Alright, I'll drop your name into the conversation casually and see what her reaction is, but when you do see her, no big bunches of flowers or anything like that. Just friends, o.k.?”

“O.k.” said Ben.

As I hung up the phone I felt like Dolly Levi, the matchmaker, from 'Hello Dolly', but I didn't mind. One thing I was sure of was that if Kate and Ben ever got together he would never treat her the way Bruce had.

I went back into the sitting room and we all chatted for a while before going to bed early to catch up on the lost sleep from the night before.

I didn't rush things. About a week later, Kate had started work, and seemed to be settling in well. Initially she was working day shifts and so we had tea together. One evening I very casually mentioned that I had run into Ben. I looked to see the reaction on Kate and noticed that her cheeks became pink, which I took as a good sign.

“Being a batchelor, Ben comes around for tea every month or so. Would you mind if he came around when you are here, Kate?”

“Me? No, thats fine,” she replied, and if anything, her cheeks became pinker.

“I know you were friends when you were here last, so I hoped it would be alright,” I said.

A week later, Ben came for tea on a Saturday evening. Weekends are quiet while we are rehearsing, so that's why we picked them to entertain. I noticed that Kate took a lot of trouble to prepare for Ben's visit, wearing her prettiest frock, stockings and heels. I felt the need to dress up myself not to be put in the shade! Jack wore a suit, not to be outdone.

Ben arrived, looking very dashing in a dark suit and tie, bearing a small bunch of flowers (for me) and a bottle of wine.

He looked at the blushing Kate and said “Hello Kate. It's nice to see you again.”

“Hello Ben; it's good to see you too.” replied Kate.

I opened Ben's wine and to break the ice, served the dinner straight away; Beef Wellington with roast vegetables. I'm not a bad cook if I say so myself, and Kate wasn't working that day, so we worked together to prepare the meal. I know there is an old saying that 'there isn't a kitchen big enough in the world to hold two women', but we got on very well together. I wasn't looking forward to the time when she finally left us to live elsewhere, although I knew it would come.

With a glass of wine under our belts, and a lovely meal to share, it wasn't long before we were all chatting very happily together. There was no mention of why Kate was back in London, but Ben did ask how she was finding working in St Thomas's again.

“I love it,” said Kate. “I know some of the staff from when I was last here, so I've settled in quickly. It's almost like coming home.”

There was tiramisu for dessert, because I really like it and I knew the others did too, and a small glass of port and coffee to finish with. I had arranged a code word with Jack to tell him to come into the kitchen with me to prepare the coffee, leaving Kate and Ben together for a few minutes. I didn't know what was said while we were out of the room, since I resisted the temptation to put my ear to the door, but as I later found out, Ben did put the time to good use. When he finally left in a taxi, he kissed both me and Kate on the cheek and shook Jack's hand, thanking us for a very nice evening. Was I mistaken or was there some special emphasis on the 'very'?

As we were washing up, Kate told me that Ben had asked if she would go out with him as a friend, and she had said 'yes'.

“Would I be mistaken in thinking you set this up?” she asked and now it was my turn to blush.

“Ben thinks very highly of you,” I replied. “But he knows that you are just looking for friends at the moment, so you need have no fear of being put in an awkward position.”

“I know that,” she replied. “And he is a very nice man; and a perfect gentleman; I know that from when we went out when I was last here.”

All I could do was agree with her.

Meanwhile the rehearsals proceeded and were going very well. I was measured for my costume which was a floor-length costume with a flared skirt in a mixture of dark blues and dark reds, in sharp contrast to the pale colours of the good fairies. Carabosse makes a dramatic entrance surrounded by rats who scurry around the stage, scaring all the guests. I loved the choreography which was very dramatic, and unlike in some productions, mainly the ones using a man to play the rôle, involved dancing rather than marching around the stage. Carabosse dominates the action for nearly ten minutes so it is a really good part.

Many people complain that tickets to professional stage performances are too expensive and beyond the reach of most of the population. While I appreciate their concern, the problem with professional theatre, especially ballet and opera, is the cost of putting on a production is very high. In addition to the cast that the audience sees on stage, there are so many other people 'behind the scenes' who are involved in making a spectacular production. For example there is the director and the choreographers who design the action, the ballet master or mistress, the costume designers and makers, the scenery designers, constructors and painters, the lighting designers and electricians who make their vision come true, the makeup artists, the hair stylists, the front of house and backstage staff, the list goes on and on. In addition, people expect the music in ballet and opera to be perfomrd by a live orchestra. It might save money to perform to a recording, but that would not be acceptable. All these people must be paid. As a general rule, at least seventy percent of seats must be sold before a production begins in order to make a profit, and a profit is important in order to fund the next production before its performances begin to make a profit.

For each production, the IBC has a number of preview performances, essentially dress rehearsals, which have tickets sold at greatly reduced prices. There is always great demand for them, and this is one way in which people who cannot afford the full-price tickets are able to enjoy a performance which in every way is the same as those performed during the season of the production. I waited until the rota of performers was released and was glad to see that one including both Jack and I performing, so I spoke to Kate, asking if she'd like to attend that one which she instantly said she would.

“Do you think you could persuade Ben to escort you?” I asked, knowing that they had been seeing each other.

“I'll try,” she replied and we both smiled, knowing that it was a 'fait accompli'.

For the first few previews where Jack and I were understudies, we slipped into the standing room at the rear of the stalls after the house lights went down so that we could watch the performance from the point of view of the audience. Then the day arrived where we would both be performing. I confess I felt a litle nervous, since this would be my first big solo part, snd I suspected Jack might feel the same way.

I was ready in plenty of time, although I made my first dramatic appearance about twenty-five minutes into the first scene which is the Prologue, and I heard a gasp from the audience as I was preceded by the rats. I did received very gratifying applause when I left the stage at the end of about ten minutes of dancing. I appeared again in the two scenes of the First Act, Aurora's 16th birthday, and finally in the Second Act, a hundred years later when the Prince is shown Aurora's resting place by the Lilac Fairy. I didn't appear in the Third Act which is Aurora's wedding. Jack appeared in the Second and Third Acts, which meant he had to wait about an hour before his first appearance.

At the curtain calls at the conclusion of the performance, I appeared third from the end, accompanied by the rats. This was the first time I was allowed to smile as I acknowledged the applause. The Lilac Fairy followed me and finally Aurora and her Prince. I did receive a very gratifying ovation so it seemed the audience had enjoyed my performance. Naturally the Lilac Fairy and Aurora and Jack, playing the Prince, received the biggest cheer of all. Then all the principal dancers joined hands and bowed again and again as the audience gave us a standing ovation. After we let the stage I was met by Mariette who was the dancer I was understudying, and she was very complimentary about how I had danced, saying she couldn't do it better herself.

After Jack and I had changed, we met Kate and Ben in the theatre foyer and we went for supper to a nearby restaurant which stayed open late for the post performance crowd. It was fortunate that I had booked a table as it was crowded. Some of the people there recognised us from the performance and gave us a round of applause which was a little embarrassing, but very nice, so we bowed and smiled to acknowledge them. 'Always show the audience you appreciate them' had been drummed into us.

“Well, what did you think of the ballet?” I asked Kate and Ben.

“It was amazing,” said Kate, “I've seen you two dance before but this was just fantastic. I really don't know why you two weren't chosen to play the parts rather than be understudies.”

“Well, you haven't seen the other performers,” I replied. “They are really good, although I think Jack is actually better than Jacques who is playing the part.”

“I think I could say the same about you and Mariette,” said Jack.

“Oh well, perhaps next time we will get a solo part and have someone understudy us,” I said.

During the season, Jack and I were able to perform during some matinées, and I did one evening performance when Mariette had a stomach upset and didn't feel well enough to perform. That shows the sense of having understudies.

The season continued and played to packed houses. Meanwhile, Kate was enjoying working at St Thomas's. I didn't quiz her on how things were going between her and Ben, although I was sure that they were seeing each other quite a bit. Then one evening, about a month later, after we finished dinner which Kate had cooked again since she had worked an early shift, she said that she had something to tell us.

“First, I want you to know just how grateful I am to you for your kindness to me in rescuing me from a truly awful situation; it's something I'll never forget. Not only that, but you've let me move in with you as well.” There were tears in her eyes , and I confess my eyes were starting to well up to because I suddenly realised what was coming next.

“As you know, I've been seeing quite a bit of Ben recently and, well, we've decided that I will move in with him. I know you might think this is a bit sudden, but we've talked it over and we are sure it's the right thing to do.”

Of course I got up and gave her a hug and so did Jack. She was right, it was a bit sudden since she had only been in England for a bit over two months, but talking to Kate afterwards she told me that she had been falling in love with Ben when she had previously been in England, but had forced herself not to get too involved because of the commitment to Bruce, but seeing him again, she knew that he was the right man for her.

“I'm sure you are right,” I said. “I will look forward to us becoming sisters-in-law.”

“And I hope you will dance at my wedding to Ben,” she said, and we both laughed. “But first I have to get a divorce.”

Just after the season finished, I received in card in the mail from Harriet Stow. It read as follows:

“Dear Antonette,

A friend of mine in London who is a real balletomane, attended a preview of 'The Sleeping Beauty' and told me about two dancers called Antonette du Pré and Jack French who were understudies but were excellent performers in lead roles. She didn't know that I know you both and she gave you rave reviews. It's such a pity that I was tied up in Stratford and couldn't get down to London to see a performance. The next time you are performing, please let me know and I will do my best to attend a performance. Congratulations on your success.
Love,
Harriet.'

I was thrilled to get this personal note and resolved to make sure to let her know the next time I was performing.

To be continued

Next time: Raymonda

To see a performance of Carabosse very similar to mine, may I recommend a version in which she appears about 25 minutes into a full performance by the Australian Ballet on Youtube. My costume was very similar but my minions were rats, still very scary.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6eA4PjWhws

---

Chapter 5   Raymonda

The next production of the Company was to be a very special one. 'Raymonda' is often described as a 'grand ballet'. The music is by Alexander Glazunov and the full version, which is not often performed, has three acts and runs for three hours with two intervals. Shortened versions are usually performed but in this case the Board of the Company had decided to stage the complete ballet and promote it as a rare opportunity for ballet lovers everywhere to see the full version. They hoped to draw an audience from all over the country and maybe even from overseas.

Dame Monique de Valois, our 'Prima Ballerina' would be dancing the title role, and I was very pleased to again be made understudy to Mariette de Chasseur who would be dancing the part of 'Henrietta', one of Raymonda's two special friends. Miss Higgins, the ballet mistress had told me that Mariette and I had rehearsed and danced so well in the role of 'Carabosse' in 'The Sleeping Beauty', that she though we would were well-suited to dance as 'Henrietta', with the promise that I would get a chance to perform in previews and matinees, especially because the performances were too long to expect a principal to dance twice in one day. This meant even more performances for me, so I was thrilled to hear that. Jack was to be understudy for the rôle of Jean de Brienne, one of the male leads.

A couple of weeks later we began rehearsing. The original choreography was by Marius Pepita, the legendary ballet master of the Imperial Ballet, now the Mariinsky Ballet in St Petersberg, Russia, but our choreographer, Kenneth Bourne, was using the choreography of Konstantin Sergeyev for the 1948 Kirov Ballet revival, as the basis for his interpretation.

Everything went well for the first couple of weeks, and then one morning, Mariette arrived a little late for rehearsals, which was not like her, and in my opinion she didn't look well. This was borne out when ten minutes into the rehearsal, she excused herself and ran from the rehearsal room to the ladies' rest room. She returned about ten minutes later, still a bit 'green around the gills'.

“I'm sorry, it must have been something I ate,” she said, but she managed the rest of the morning rehearsal. I noticed that Kenneth.took her aside and I was fairly sure she was being advised to go and see a doctor.

The following morning when I arrived for rehearsal, Mariette was not there, and instead, Kenneth the choreographer said that I must come with him to see Miss Higgins in her office. I wondered what was up, but followed him. Miss Higgins welcomed me with a smile and asked me to take a seat.

“I have some news for you, Antonette,” she said. 'As you know, Mariette was not well yesterday, and upon seeing a doctor the cause was diagnosed; she is going to have a baby.”

“Oh!” I gasped. I confess, that had never occurred to me.

“Oh indeed,” said Miss Higgins. “I need hardly say that she is now ruled out of playing the part of Henrietta, so Ken and I have had a discussion with Jonathon Marsh, our Artistic Director, and the result is that we have decided to offer the role of Henrietta to you.”

I was so stunned I couldn't think of anything to say for some seconds. Finally I came out with “Thank you very much.”

Kenneth said:” I've had the pleasure of working with you and you are an excellent dancer; I'm sure you will perform the rôle very well.”

“There's something else,” said Miss Higgins. “In the circumstances you are being promoted to Acting Principal Dancer.”

I'm glad I was sitting down, or I might have fallen down. “Oh Miss Higgins, I never ever expected something like this,” I gasped, and it was true, the highest level I ever expected to reach was Soloist.

She smiled: “Now off you go and get rehearsing again. Oh, one more thing; now you need an understudy of course, so we have selected Lucie Manet, and she's thrilled to be chosen.”

Kenneth and I returned to the rehearsal room and there was Lucie waiting for us.

“Lucie, Antonette is taking over the part of Henrietta, now that Mariette is expecting a baby, so you two will be working together,” said Kenneth.

“I will be honoured to work with you both,' said Lucie solemnly. She had chosen her words carefully. It would not have been good to imply that she preferred me over Mariette.

During the lunch break, I rang Mariette and told her I had been given the part.

“While I'm thrilled to be doing it, I'm sorry it's come at the expense of you having to step back,” I said.

“It's kind of you to say so,” she replied. “I did put in the suggestion that you be given the part and I'm glad that's what they decided. Now don't go getting pregnant too or you won't be popular.”

“I'll be very careful,” I replied. She didn't know that there wasn't the slightest chance of that happening, though I must admit thinking about it caused me a slight pang.

Jack wasn't present that day. A couple of days previously, while rehearsing, he had landed awkwardly from a jump and sprained his ankle. The Company physiotherapist had checked him out and recommended three days rest and some gentle exercises. Rather than ring him with the news, I thought I would wait until I arrived home.

Arriving at our flat, I was happy to open the front door and smell tea cooking. It wasn't complicated – steak and chips, even a man can handle that! After we exchanged our usual greeting kiss, Jack asked how things had gone that day, so I told him my news.

“Well, we should open a bottle of champagne if we had one,” he said. “I feel sorry for Mariette but at least they don't have to worry about you becoming pregnant.”

It was as much a surprise to me as it was to him when I burst into tears at that remark.

“Darling, what's wrong? What did I say?” said Jack rushing to me and taking me in his arms. Of course he thought he had merely pointed out a fact.

“I'm sorry,” I gasped between sobs. “It's just that I would love to have a baby, but it's never going to happen. I'll never be a mother, so never a complete woman!”

Jack hugged me to him, realising now that he had touched a raw nerve.

“I'm sorry ,darling. That was such a stupid insensitive remark. As far as I am concerned you are a complete woman,” he said softly as he stroked my hair. It was at that moment that he smelled burning and had to rush to rescue the steak. I went to our bedroom to change and repair my makeup. When I came out again, Jack looked at me cautiously, afraid I was going to cry again. Men hate it when women cry, so I really try not to.

“I'm alright now, Jack,” I assured him. “I've had time to think about it now. After all, some cis-women can't have children and that doesn't make them any less than a complete women. As far as Mariette is concerned, I don't know if this pregnancy was an accident, or something that in her heart she wanted to happen. It certainly means she's going to have to take a year off at least from dancing, so it won't do her career any good. She might even retire, but I guess you can't have your cake and eat it.”

Jack murmured “I guess so” in agreement. I think he was too afraid to say much in case he put his foot in it again.

That night I lay awake for hours while Jack slept beside me. About three in the morning, I was just starting to doze when he stirred and said quietly “Antonette, are you awake?”

“No,” I said quietly back.

“Alright,” said Jack and settled down to sleep again. After about a minute, he said “I guess I asked for that.” When I didn't say anything else, he went on “I've been thinking, perhaps we could adopt a child later, when we have finished full-time dancing? After all, we'll still be quite young.”

I turned to face him. “Yes, let's keep that in mind. I don't know if there are any obstacles in the way because of me being trans, but it will certainly be worth investigating.” Then I kissed him and this time we both went to sleep.

The following morning I went to rehearsals again. Jack's ankle was still sore so he rang in and spoke to the physiotherapist and it was agreed that he should take another couple of days off. Lucie and I continued rehearsing together and we got on very well.

Perhaps I should give you a very bried resumé of the story:

Raymonda, a young noble woman is celebrating her birthday, and is betrothed to Jean de Brienne who has just returned from a crusade. However a Saracen knght Abderakhman arrives unannounced,and requests hospitality for an overnight stay. He is entranced with Raymonda and like Jean, gives her gifts. There is obvious tension between the two men. After the guests leave, Raymonda retires to sleep.

Bathed in moonlight, the White Lady, who is thought to be an ancestor of the family and a patron saint, appears to Raymonda, as she is sleeping, and reveals a vision of Jean de Brienne. The two dance until he suddenly disappears and is replaced by a vision of Abderakhman. They too begin to dance. Exhausted, Raymonda tries to stop the dance with Abderakhman to no avail. The White Lady separates them and Raymonda faints.

The following morning, Raymonda awakens with her gifts from both men in her hands. Jean de Brienne and Abderakhman are still vying for the hand of Raymonda. When she chooses Jean, Abderakhman challenges him to a duel. Jean vanquishes Abderakhman, and Raymonda and Jean de Brienne are then married to the joy and approval of all.

There's a lot more to the story of course and you can search for it online if you wish.

Raymonda was to be played by Dame Monique du Valois, the Prima Ballerina of the Company, Clémence, her other friend was to be played by Charlotte Tomas. Charlotte was another soloist, with gorgeous auburn hair and striking emerald green eyes. Like Lucie she was very pretty and I predicted that she would grow into a beautiful mature woman. I rather suspected that all eyes would be on her when we were onstage together.

Jean de Brienne was played by Alfredo Ashton (with Jack as his understudy), and Abderakhman by Antoine de Vaux. As an Acting Principal I had now been elevated into the rarified atmosphere of this group of excellent dancers, and I felt almost a fraud appearing with them, but I was determined to do my best. I hoped that Jack would not feel jealous that I had been elevated, albeit temporarily, to a higher level than him. He would be performing the part of Jean during some of the previews and matinées, so there was a chance we would be dancing together.

In the first scene, Charlotte and I appeared almost as soon as the curtain rose, strewing flowers on the stage for Raymonda to pick up, so now we had a number of rehearsals for the first scene, together with our understudies.

Some of the scenes involved almost a 'pas de trois' with Dame Monique, Charlotte and me and dancing so closely with one of Britain's most famous ballerinas was an absolute thrill, even more so when she complimented Charlotte and me on our dancing. I did send my friend Harriet a note telling her about my elevation in the ballet and my rôle in 'Raymonda' and she sent a reply saying that she would do her best to attend a performance. She was still very busy in Stratford, being now one of her company's top actors, but I hoped she would be able to make the trip down to London.

Jack had finally passed the physiotheraptist's approval to resume dancing and that made me happy. Even when we were not actually dancing together, I still liked to think that he was nearby. Don't let anyone tell you that ballet dancing is easy, it's very hard work to make it look easy.

I haven't mentioned Kate and Ben for a while but we did see them every fortnight or so, alternating our flats for a cooked meal. Before Kate moved in with Ben, he usually bought in something to eat, but Kate was a good cook, so now he was enjoying some home-cooked meals. We all got on well and chatted about all manner of subjects, but we never mentioned Bruce.

Women are often more comfortable sharing confidences when their menfolk aren't present, so taking advantage of a moment when we were alone, Kate asked if we could arrange to meet for coffee one day and as soon as we sat down she began to talk about Bruce. It seems she had finally decided to 'take the bull by the horns' and ring him.

“The first thing he said to me was 'When are you coming home?', so I decided to approach the subject without making accusations,” said Kate. “I started it by saying that I'd had time to think while I'd been away and that I didn't think we were really suited; in fact I thought it might be better if we divorced and both had the chance to find someone who would suit us better.”

“'So you're not coming back?', he said, and I said 'No Bruce, I'm not coming back. I'd only be unhappy and then you would be unhappy.. It's not your fault, it's just how things are'. Of course in my view it was his fault, but it wasn't worth having a row on the phone about it.”

He changed the subject then, saying 'I heard you were back in England. Did your folks give you the money for the fare?' I replied 'No Bruce, some friends lent me the money.and I'm going to pay them back.' Then I had a thought and said 'Bruce, if you ever cared for me, would you drop off the rest of my clothes and other belongings to my parents to send to me?' He sort of grunted at that, so I don't know if he will or not, maybe he will, or maybe he'll burn them,.but there's nothing I can do about that.”

“How did he know you are in England?” I asked.

“I suppose the hospital must have told him. If you remember I told them I had to visit a mythical sick aunty here. I'm glad he didn't fly over here and try to track me down. I have contacted the hospital and tendered my resignation, explaining that I had to stay in England indefinitely, so at least they are not left wondering what happened to me. Sometimes I can't help thinking that I should have stayed here during my first trip back, and married Ben if he'd asked me, but I guess we all make mistakes.”

“Has he asked you to marry him now?” I couldn't help asking.

“No he hasn't but then I'm still married to Bruce at present until I can get a divorce. Maybe he will when that comes through.”

I had no doubt of it, but I didn't say so. I should mention that Kate was still paying back the money we lent her for the air fare. We told her there was no hurry, but she insisted that she must honour her obligation to return the loan. I was now earning more as an acting Principal Dancer and Jack was a soloist, so we were comfortably off, and could have told her to keep the money, but I think she wouldn't have felt comfortable with that.

Finally, the time of rehearsals was over and the preview performances approached. As usual, I had let Miss Nightingale of Marion Ladies' College know about my latest rôle, only because she insisted that I did, and I knew that as usual, she would be organinsg a party of the senior girls to come and see an 'old girl' dance. She seemed to feel that it reflected well on the school that I had once been a pupil. One day when I made a return visit to the school to give the senior girls a talk, as a number of former pupils did, I happened to see in one corridor a series of photos of well-known 'old girls', and to my surprise , there was a picture of me!

We did have a couple of actual dress rehearsals before the preview performances, and it was always a thrill to me to hear the music played at last by an orchestra instead of the rehearsal pianos. Glazunov's music is sublime and for me at least, just hearing it as I danced seemed to add a little extra to my performance.

The final rehearsals went well, and then the previews began. I played 'Henrietta' for the first two previews and then Lucie did a performance while I played 'understudy'. This also meant that I could view the performance from the back of the stalls for one act and the back of the circle for the next two to see how the production looked from the audience's point of view. Harriet managed to come down from Stratford and see one of the afternoon previews in which Jack and I were dancing. We met up afterwards for coffee before Harriet had to take the train back to Stratford. It was very nice of her to take the trouble to come down to see us dance, and she was very complimentary about our performances.

“I hope you perform at Stratford again,” she said.

"We'd love to come to Stratford to see you perform," I replied. "But you know how difficult it is when we are all working full-time."

I did make up my mind to speak to Jack about it - perhaps we could do a quick trip to Stratford for a matinee performance one day.

The season proper started, and I'm sure the management was very pleased at the ticket sales with a number of 'full houses'. They had probably taken a chance with presenting the full ballet, but all the ballet lovers in the country seemed to respond to the rare opportunity.to see it

I should mention that royalty was present at one of the performances. I do sometimes wonder why really rich people see the show for free, but I suppose that's the way things are. All the principals were presented after the performance, and I was polite with a curtsey and a gentle handshake, saying “Thank you ma'am” in response to her “Most enjoyable” comment.

The critics were very flattering in their comments and I had a brief mention in one of the longer ones, as in 'Antonette du Pré and Charlotte Tomas as Raymonda's special friends were excellent in complementing the superb dancing of Dame Monique du Valois'. Another clipping to add to my scrapbook.

Mummy, Daddy, Jeanette, Celine, Justine and Kate all came along to watch me dance, which was good of them, although I think that only three of them really wanted to watch the ballet, and two of my sisters were there out of politeness. It was a pity that Jack was not dancing that evening. At supper afterwards, when Jack joined us after his 'understudy' duties, there were many compliments paid to me and I was blushing from ear to ear. Mummy, Jeanette and Kate all told me privately that they would love to see Jack dance the part of Jean de Brienne and I had an idea. I know that Jack would be performing at a matinée a couple of weeks later, while I would be 'understudy' while Lucie played my part. I consulted Miss Higgins and she consulted Johnathon Marsh, and it was agreed that I could sit in the stalls with my three guests so long as they knew exactly where I was and that I also carried a small vibrating pager so that in the unlikely event that I had to take over the part, I could do so at ten minutes' notice.

I then told Mummy, Jeanette and Kate what I proposed and when they confirmed that they could arrange to attend, I spoke to the box office and was fortunate in getting some very good returned tickets in the stalls. In the event, I was not called upon to take over the part, and it was very enjoyable for me to sit there as an audience member watching the performance as I had only seen brief excerpts of Jack performing the rôle and I must say that he did it very well. We had afternoon tea with him after the performance and this time he was the one to be loaded down with compliments which were very well deserved. Then we had tto return to the theatre for the evening performance where I would be dancing and he would be understudy once again.

To be continued.

Next time: Charlotte and Kal

Note: There are several excellent performances of the shortened version of 'Raymonda' on YouTube, including the Royal Danish Ballet at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEfkK4UsMNc and the Bolshoi Ballet at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-USarS-bPVA Both run for about two hours.There is another performance by the Bolshoi Ballet which runs for just under three hours, at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Fdh4-rskE Presumably this is the complete ballet

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Chapter 6   Charlotte and Kal

I was good friends with the other principals and soloist dancers of the Company. One of these – Charlotte de Tomas had recently gone through a rather unfortunate breakup. For some years she had been in a relationship with a man called Brian who was married but had split with his wife. Because he was Roman Catholic he could not get a divorce. As far as Charlotte was concerned she felt they had a very good relationship.

One evening while we were performing 'Raymonda', partway through the first act, she developed severe stomach cramps and knew that she couldn't go on performing, so she moved over to the wings where the Assistant Stage Manager was standing and quietly but urgently told him to get her understudy dressed and made up to replace her, then, by a superhuman effort, she returned to the stage and carried on with her performance. I really don't know how she did it.

Understudies don't often put on costumes before a performance since if called upon to perform, they usually have plenty of notice. In this case Erin, the understudy and the dressers and makeup artists performed a small miracle and she was ready in just over five minutes to arrive in the wings to replace Charlotte. Once more, Charlotte moved to the wings and out of sight and Erin came on stage in her place. She didn't miss a beat and I'm sure that none of the audience members was aware of the change of cast. I knew that something was wrong because when Charlotte first went over to the wings it was not part of her performance. I don't know how she hung on as long as she did, but then she is a true professional.

Back in the dressing room, a doctor was called in to treat her. (The old story about a performance being stopped while someone comes on stage and dramatically calls out 'Is there a doctor in the house?' almost never happens.). Anyway, he diagnosed an acute Staph gastroenteritis, gave her an antibiotic injection and suggested plenty of fluids and rest. After a while Charlotte felt better and a taxi was organised to take her home, and that's when things got worse. Later she told me what happened.

“As I closed the front door of the flat I heard a squeak from the bedroom and when I went there, Brian was in bed with his best friend's wife. At that point I very nearly did collapse. Men are such liars, but they're not even good at it. He gave me some story about how he didn't know how it had happened, and it had never happened before, and never would again. I didn't believe a word of it of course. I told them they had five minutes to get dressed and out of the flat. Brian I told to come back in the morning for his things and to leave the key because I would be out. To give him his due, that's what he did but not before ringing me to plead for forgiveness, but there are some things you just can't forgive.”

I couldn't do anything else but agree with her. Fortunately for me, I couldn't ever imagine Jack doing something like that..

Early in this memoir, I mentioned a new member of the company, Kal McBride, who had joined us as a soloist and performed in 'The Nutcracker'. He was tall, slim, with dark hair and was VERY handsome. Add to that his Scottish accent and you can imagine that he made quite an impression on all the single ballerinas. Even old married women like myself had to admit that he was easy on the eye. However, when I wrote 'all the ballerinas', this is not quite true, since there was one who seemed impervious to his charms, and that person was Charlotte de Tomas. I thought perhaps she was still recovering from her recent personal breakup, and that was understandable but there was a problem. There was a strong possibility that they would be called upon to dance together soon, and while this often involved pretending to be in love, it doesn't help if the two people involved don't seem to actually like each other.

I had a call frm Miss Higgins to come and see her in her office. When I first arrived at the Ballet, I was terrified of her, as are most of the newcomers, even the men. As time went on, it became apparent to her that I and also Jack were totally dedicated to our craft, and as I slowly climbed the ladder to the height of soloist, we became quite friendly. It even occurred to me that perhaps she saw me as a possible replacement for her when she eventually retired, and I didn't find the thought totally displeasing.

“I want to talk to you about Kal McBride and Charlotte,” she said as soon as I sat down in front of her desk. “It can't have escaped your notice that they don't seem to like each other very much.”

“I've noticed it too, Miss Higgins. I'm wondering if perhaps they have 'history'? There doesn't seem any other reason for it.”

“I really don't want to call Kal into my office and subject him to an inquisition. Do you think you can find out what is going on for me? If they can't get on, then I'll have to seriously reconsider rôles that I have in mind for them in the future.”

“Certainly, Miss Higgins. I'll see what I can find out.”

I realise that this makes me sound like I was spying for her, but she was right in saying that it is important that all the dancers have an harmonious relationship and if it was possible to smooth things over between Kal and Charlotte without an official summons to Miss Higgins' office, then I would be doing both them and the company a good turn.

I gave some thought about who to approach first, Kal or Charlotte, and decided that Kal might be the best.one. I took the opportunity of passing him in the corridor near the rehearsal rooms to stop him and ask him to have a cup of coffee with me. “It's ballet company business” I explained, just in case he got the wrong idea.

Later that day we met in the café well away from other people. Kal looked nervous, obviously wondering if he'd done something wrong.

“Thanks for meeting me, Kal. First of all, you haven't done anything wrong. Miss Higgins has asked me to have an informal chat with you rather than call you into her office. She's concerned that you and Charlotte de Tomas don't seem to get on and we wondered if there is something we can do to improve the situation?”

Kal coloured slightly. “I didn't think it would be that obvious,” he muttered.

“Kal,” I said gently. “You are working with a lot of women. We notice things men don't. So do you and Charlotte have 'history'?”

“Yes, we do, To be honest, if I'd realised she was in the Company I wouldn't have applied to join. It was quite a shock when I saw her.”

“Did she do something to upset you?”

“Oh no, quite the reverse as it happens.”

“Why don't you tell me the whole story?” I said, and he did.

“Charlotte and I first met when we went to the same school. We were both sixteen at the time. I knew that she was taking ballet lessons, but she didn't know I was too, in fact nobody at the school knew. You can imagine what the boys would have said if they had found out; my life would have been hell.”

I nodded sympathetically. I had done gymnastics at school and even that was considered a little 'suss'.

“One of the teachers decided that it would be good for the 'young ladies and gentlemen' to learn ballroom dancing. The girls were keen but not the boys, in fact we had to be coerced into attending the lessons, usually as an alternative to punishment for some transgression. That's how I ended up in the class, and by chance I was partnered with Charlotte. Ballroom dancing may be quite different to ballet, but I think our ballet practice made us quite good at it, and soon we were Miss Green's star pupils. In fact, we were so good that she decided that we should enter a local ballroom dancing school's annual competition in the open novice category. I really wasn't that keen, but Charlotte was thrilled. Her mother made her a glamorous ballroom gown, and my parents hired me a ballroom 'tail' suit.

"On the evening of the competition, I was all dressed up in my suit, hair slicked down and looking several years older than my true age of sixteen. I felt nervous and so while walking to the ballroom, I stopped off at a local pub. I had some money and I ordered a whisky. This was a lot stronger than the occasional beer I was allowed to have at home. Then I followed it with another one, and another, and the more I thought about it, the more I decided that I really didn't want to compete, so when my money ran out, I just wandered the streets. The time for the competition came and went and I just didn't show up. Eventually, when the time seemed right, I walked home.

Mum was still up and she asked me how it went. “We came fourth,” I lied.

“That's funny, someone came knocking on the door asking where you were, and all I could say was that you had gone out in good time for the competition. Then I started to worry about you. So where were you?”

“I decided not to go,” I said, and I can still remember her staring at me.

“You didn't go? You left that poor girl Charlotte waiting there for you, and you never turned up? Oh Kal, how could you?”

“She'll get over it,” I said, and Mum was so furious, she slapped my face, the first time she'd ever done that.

“You apologise to her on Monday,” she said. “That's the least you can do.”

“Monday came and I went to school. Charlotte was waiting at the gate for me.

“Oh Kal,” she said “What happened? Were you sick?”

“Sick? No. I just didn't feel like dancing,” I replied, in an off-hand manner and with that she slapped my face too, turned on her heel and walked away. She never spoke another word to me for the rest of the time we were at school together. I know now that I had behaved in a despicable way. I even thought of writing a letter to her apologising, but I knew it wouldn't do any good; what I had done was unforgivable. We finished school and so parted ways and I never expected to see her again, Then I came here, and here she is.”

I had listened to this sorry tale in silence. “Have you tried speaking to her and telling her that you have matured now and realise what a terrible thing you did?”

“I would have, but all she said was 'Hello” and hurried away. It was pretty obvious that she hasn't forgiven me, and I can't blame her for that.”

“So what do we do now? We can't have two soloists with one looking daggers at the other when they are supposed to be dancing a love duet,” I said.

“The only thing I can think is for me to hand in my resignation,” said Kal. He looked thoroughly miserable. I was beginning to think he was right, and then something happened which usually only happens in novels, but just occasionally in real life; Charlotte walked into the café.

“Charlotte!” I called out to her. “Come over here please.”

Charlotte saw who I was sitting with and she hesitated, but then, reluctantly, she walked over to the table where Kal and I were sitting.

“Please sit down,” I said. “Kal has just been telling me about something he did when he was young and stupid. Now I think he has something to say to you. Kal?”

Kal had flushed again. He drew a deep breath. “Antonette is right, Charlotte. The last time we spoke I was young and very stupid. I've wished a thousand times that I could turn back the clock and undo what I did, but I can't. All I can say is that I apologise from the bottom of my heart and beg your forgiveness if you can possibly find it in your heart to do so.”

I noticed that Charlotte was flushed too, and seemingly lost for words, but at least she hadn't got up and walked away. I realised that three's a crowd and I should leave them to it. I stood up and said “I'm going to leave you two to it, but I'd like you to stay here until you sort this out. The Ballet needs you both, remember that.” Then I walked away, silently praying that they would indeed sort something out.

I didn't see either of them for the rest of the day. I had called in on their classes, seen they were missing, and said they had something important to decide and had Miss Higgins' permission to be absent from the class. Then I could only pray that it would all end well.

The following day it was Charlotte that I saw first and I confess my heart was in my mouth when I went up to her and said 'Well?”

She smiled. “I think we've come to an amicable conclusion,” she said. “Kal said he was a bloody fool and I agreed with him.”

“And do you think you can work together now?” I asked.

“Well he's taking me out to dinner on Sunday night and we'll see how things go,” she said.

I'm sure the look of relief on my face was very obvious. This was even better than I could have hoped for. It's a funny thing that hate and love are two such strong emotions, and sometimes so close that they can change from one to the other in a twinkling of an eye. I was happy to report back to Miss Higgins that things had been sorted out between Kal and Charlotte and this was born out by their first pas de deux, where it was obvious to me that they were in love. If proof were needed, less than six months later, Charlotte came to a rehearsal wearing a beautiful solitaire diamond engagement ring. "All's well that ends well." Shakespeare was so right.

To be continued

Next time: Summer School

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Chapter 7   Summer School

That summer the Company held its usual Summer School, and this time Jack and I were among the senior dancers asked to participate in assessing all the young dancers who came along, hoping to join the Company. The week before, Miss Higgins called us all into her office for a briefing. I confess that when I first arrived at the Summer School myself, not so many years ago, Miss Higgins terrified me and it seems I was not alone in my feelings. The worst moment came when I had to confess to her that I was not exactly like all the other young women in the ballet, and I thought she might instantly dismiss me. Thankfully she didn't, and as I progressed up the ladder of seniority at the Company, her manner seemed to soften, and now we were on quite cordial terms. The ballet was her life; she had never married and I always felt she would never leave until the day she was carried out of her office in a wooden box, she was so dedicated to her job..

“Welcome everyone,” she said as we all crowded into her office. “Well it's that time of year again when we must dash the hopes of over a hundred young would-be professional dancers. Hopefully we will find amongst them half a dozen or so who will make the grade. I will be at every session of course, but I can't be everywhere, so I will be relying on all of you to point out potential candidates for me to further assess.”

The first day of the Summer School arrived. It seemed hardly any time since Jack and I had been among those 'hopefuls' ourselves. Dressed in our usual rehearsal outfits of black leotards, we went into the large rehearsal room filled with the nervous chatter of all the young dancers. I had been chosen to introduce Miss Higgins, so I stood up on a slightly raised plinth at the end of the room and clapped my hands for attention. There was instant silence.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,” I began. “My name is Antonette du Pré and I am one of the senior dancers who will be working with you at this summer school. Every ballet company has a ballet mistress or ballet master whose responsibility it is to take the daily ballet class which we all attend, to check the competence of the dancers, and to rehearse new and old works. We are fortunate to have Miss Clarissa Higgins as our Ballet Mistress, and I would like to introduce her to you now. Miss Higgins.”

With that and a smattering of applause, Miss Higgins stood up onto the plinth and with a graceful bow to her I stood aside as she actually smiled at me.

“Thank you Antonette, and good morning everyone,” she began, and there was a murmured 'Good morning, Miss Higgins' from the assembled dancers. It sounded like school assembly and in a way it was.

“Every year we hold this school, looking for people who will form the next generation of dancers in the Imperial Ballet Company. Most of the senior dancers who will be working with you were standing where you are not so many years ago. You are here because the principals of the ballet schools you attend have selected you as the best of their pupils. I therefore expect a certain level of competence from all of you, but much more is required than that. To be a successful professional dancer, you must have talent, stamina and total dedication. What the audience sees looks effortless, but there is a great deal of effort which must be expended in order to achieve that look. Our senior dancers who are all either principal dancers or soloists will explain that to you.as you rehearse with them. Are there any questions?”

There was silence, so Miss Higgins concluded with: “Very well, I hope even if you are unsuccessful in gaining a place with the company, you learn from your experiences with us.”

With that she stepped down from the plinth and I took over again, announcing that half of the young ladies should go into each of the two main rehearsal rooms, those with surnames beginning with A to L in one and M to Z in the other; and the young men, of whom there were about a dozen, should go to the small rehearsal room where Jack and some of the other male principals would rehearse them. So began a grueling few days, and deliberately so. These young people were being introduced to what life as a professional ballet dancer would be like and if they didn't like it, now was the time to find out.

It was fairly easy to sort out the wheat from the chaff, but I was glad that the final decision on offering places at the school would be made by Miss Higgins. One thing I didn't expect was the lengths to which some young people were prepared to go to try and get a place at the Company. One young woman told me that if she won a place, her father who was a rich City banker would be very happy to pay me generously to give his daughter private tuition. Another told me that ballet was her life and that if she didn't get a place she would probably kill herself. I quickly reported both these events to Miss Higgins, who thanked me and said they would definitely be eliminated from the short list. The sad thing was that Mollie, the girl who tried to bribe me would probably have been seriously considered for the Ballet if she had let her talent do the talking. The other girl, Tina would not be considered because it seemed unlikely that she was mentally stable enough.

Travelling home with Jack that evening I told him what had happened and he laughed.

“Well I've been propositioned by one of the young men,” he said. “He approached me in a corridor and said that he was prepared to do anything to get into the ballet, and he really emphasised the 'anything'. I showed him my wedding ring and said 'Sorry, I bat for the other team'.”

Did you report the incident to Miss Higgns?” I asked.

“I didn't think it was worthwhile, I just laughed it off.”

“When he got nowhere with you, he would have approached some of the other men,” I said. “Promise me you'll let Miss Higgins know first thing in the morning.”

I could see he looked a bit dubious, but he promised that he would. Next evening I asked him what her response was.

“First she asked me when it had happened and when I said early afternoon the previous day, she asked why I hadn't told her that day. I told her that I didn't think it was worth mentioning, but that you had insisted that I report it. She gave me one of her grim smiles and said 'A wise man always listens to his wife. She's a smart woman, remember that.'.”

I had to laugh; a compliment from Miss Higgins? That made it a 'red letter' day!. It was a pity about the young man in question since he was a talented dancer and if he hadn't tried to sell himself to get an advantage, he might well had gained a place in the Company. As it was, he was considered a liability and not worth having.

At the conclusion of the Summer School, four of the young women and two of the young men were offered places at the Company. Miss Higgins gave a final day speech in which she explained that there are only limited places each year, but not to give up, and if they finally decided against a professional ballet career, there were always amateur companies of a good standard who would be pleased to offer them a place.

I had heard nothing of Mariette until one day I was summoned to Miss Higgins' office which nowadays I did with a great deal less trepidation than formerly. She informed me that Mariette had given birth to twin girls and as a result had decided to retire from full-time dancing.

“This means we have a vacancy for another female Principal Dancer,” she said. “The Board have decided to elevate you from Acting Principal to Principal, effective immediately, so congratulations.”

I confess I was stunned. I only had ambitions to become a Soloist, and to be Principal was beyond my wildest dreams. Jack didn't seem terribly surprised when I told him.

“If you have a fault, my darling, it's that you don't have enough confidence in yourself and your abilities. Still, I suppose that's better than having a big head!”

“But if I'm a Principal, you should be one too, since you are a better dancer than me!”

“Well, I don't know about that,” he replied. “Anyway there's a limited number of Principals so I'll have to wait until somebody leaves before I'm considered.”

“Well, it will be a crying shame if you don't get it,” I said.

Jack and I kept in regular touch with Kate and Ben. I should mention that Kate had repaid the whole sum of the money we had loaned her to get the flight to Britain after she broke up with Bruce. Kate told me that she was going to get a divorce from Bruce as soon as possible, but she had to wait twelve months before applying.

“Do you have to go back to Australia to get it?” I asked.

“No, I've spoken to a solicitor and it can be done from here. It will take a further four months or so once things get started. Ben has asked me to marry him as soon as we can, and I said 'yes'.” With that she flashed her left hand at me and I saw that she was now sporting a very nice diamond ring, much larger than the previous one given to her by Bruce.

“I thought it was only fair to send my other engagement ring back to Bruce,” she said. “To my surprise he did bundle all my belongings and clothes into a big suitcase and dropped it off at my parent's place. I didn't really think that would happen. I sent him a brief note to thank him. There's no reason to be on bad terms now.”

“Well, at least you don't have to face him in court,” I replied.

The next production was to be 'Cinderella' with music by Sergei Prokofiev Every classical ballet is based around a young female character, and in the case of our Company, this rôle was almost always performed by our Prima Ballerina, Dame Monique de Valois. As a Principal Dancer, I was hoping that I might get a part as one of Cinderella's sisters, who are usually not portrayed as quite as ugly as they are in the pantomime version. However in this I was to be disappointed. Once again I was summoned to Miss Higgins' office, and once again she gave me a surprise.

“Antonette, I have a proposal to put to you. As you know, Dame Monique is scheduled to play the part of Cinderella in our next production, however there is a slight problem which I want you to keep confidential at present. In our last production of 'Raymonda', Monique slightly sprained her ankle near the end of the season, although she managed to carry on until the end.”

This news did not surprise me. I had noticed a slight difference in her dancing, probably too slight to be visible to most people but I had modelled my dancing on that of Monique so I always studied her performances.

“You don't seem surprised,” said Miss Higgins, so, blushing, I confessed that I had noticed a slight change in her dancing although I didn't know the cause. I think she was quite impressed. “Well, after much discussion we have decided to proceed with her taking the lead rôle but with a modification. As you know, Cinderella is onstage for almost the whole time in the ballet, a total of two hours. Our physiotherapist and an orthopaedic surgeon have examined her ankle and the conclusion is that she can dance if she rests between performances; this is where you come in. How would you like to perform the rôle on Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings and the Saturday matinée, while Monique performs Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday evenings?”

I didn't expect anything Miss Higgins said would really surprise me any more, but this proposal certainly did. There was a stunned silence from me for a few seconds before I found my voice.

“Well of course I would love to do it,” I replied. “But there are more senior dancers than me in the Company. Shouldn't they be considered first?”

“Well of course we have, but as you know, every dancer has a slightly different style, and for the sake of the other dancers, especially Antoine, who will be playing the Prince, we've decided that your style most closely resembles that of Monique, in fact she said so herself. I'm afraid we can't give you equal billing but we will probably say 'performed by Monique de Valois and Antonette du Pré, with your name is slightly smaller type on the advertisements and billboards.”

The thought crossed my mind that audiences might be somewhat smaller when I was performing, but I presumed that the Company management had considered this before offering me the part. I could hardly wait to tell Jack what I had been offered. He gave me a big hug and said “This is wonderful news.”

“I think this will be the highlight of my career,” I replied. “I never expected to play the lead rôle in a ballet, yet here I am!”

“And well deserved too,” said Jack.

To be continued.

Next time: Cinderella

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Chapter 8   Cinderella

Rehearsals started for 'Cinderella'. Lucie Manet had been given the position of understudy which confirmed my feelings that she was on a fast-track to great things. Together with Dame Monique, the choreographer and director, we started to learn the part of Cinderella. As I've already mentioned, it is a large part, so there is a lot to learn. Antoine de Vaux had been given the rôle of the Prince, and Jack was to be his understudy. I hoped that that might mean we did a performance together, but there were no guarantees. At least we got to rehearse together, including the beautiful 'pas de deux' towards the end of the ballet. It was hard work of course, it always is, but I hoped that the results would be worth it.

Both Jack's and my families and all our friends had been notified and all indicated their intention to come along to a performance. As usual I notified Miss Nightingale at the Marion Ladies' College and she was very impressed.

“Good heavens, my dear; you are doing amazingly well at the Ballet.” she said, and I confessed that I was reaching heights that I never expected.

“Nonsense, you are a fine dancer, and deserve to be a Principal. The Company wouldn't ask you to perform the rôle of Cinderella if they didn't think that you could do it.”

Rehearsals are hard work, but eventually the preview performances started. I confess that I love performing in costume rather than a black leotard, although Cinderella is in rather a plain costume for the first part of the production before the fairy godmother turns up and works her magic. Dame Monique performed the first preview, followed by me and then Lucie. Then we went through the rota again. I had established that at the second preview where I was Cinderella, Jack would perform the part of the Prince, so that was the one where Mummy, Daddy, my three sisters. Jack's parents, and Kate and Ben attended. They thoroughly enjoyed the performance and so did I. There is something very special about dancing with the man you love, wearing a gorgeous costume, on a stage with fairy-tale scenery, and the fabulous music of Prokofiev being played by a full orchestra. What could be better?

At the supper afterwards, Jack and I basked in our family's congratulations. Of course you might say they were biased, but I truly believed that we had put on a good performance, judging by the standing ovation at the end. Jack and I were the last to appear at the curtain call, and after I made a deep curtsy and Jack a deep bow to the audience while holding my hand, we spontaneously turned to each other and I repeated my curtsy and Jack his bow which he followed up by kissing my hand. The audience went wild. Mummy was sitting at the end of our group and told me later that the lady next to her had said to her. “Those two are married you know?” and Mummy replied: “Not only that, Antonette is my daughter and Jack my son-in-law.” “You must be so proud,” said the lady and Mummy replied “I'm proud of all my children, but I'm especially proud today.”

Most of the balletomanes in the audience, and there are always plenty of them, would have known that we are a married couple, since only a month or so prior to the performances, with the permission of the Company management, Jack and I had appeared in a feature article in 'Classical Ballet' magazine, and our picture had appeared on the front cover. There was much in the article about our 'romantic meeting' at the summer school and how we had both progressed up through the ranks to the point where I was now a principal artist and Jack was a soloist.

After it appeared, there was some good-natured teasing from other members of the Company, but not from Dame Monique who had been featured in the magazine herself, and on the front cover. We took it all in good part and told everyone that they were only jealous.

Finally, the evening of the First Night arrived, and of course Dame Monique was performing, so there was no real reason why I should be present at the theatre, but Jack had to be there as understudy for the Prince, so I turned up too. I watched the performance from the back of the circle, because, no matter how many times I see a ballet, I always pick up tips which will enable me to enhance my own performances. There have been times when I have slipped into the Royal Box after the lights are lowered, but on this occasion, some minor members of the Royal Family were present. The performance went very well and the whole cast (and the unseen crew behind the scenes) richly deserved a prolonged standing ovation.

At the start of a new season, we are always anxious to read the reviews in the newspapers. Anthony Ashton was the most famous and most fearsome of critics. It was said that his review could make or break a show, and we must never forget that it's the number of seats sold that keeps the company solvent or otherwise. Ashton always insisted on paying for his seat, saying that he never wanted it to be said that his review had somehow been 'bought'. I expected that he would write a good review and I was not disappointed, but as he had attended the Opening Night, I did not expect any reference to myself and in that I was wrong. His review commenced as follows:

The Imperial Ballet Company has once more proved itself to be in the top tier of ballet companies in Britain, with a sparklingly new interpretation of the classic ballet 'Cinderella'. On the sold out Opening Night, Dame Monique de Valois's sensitive interpretation of the title rôle proved once more that she is the equal of any of Britain's Prima Ballerinas. Part of this may be explained by the unusual decision of the management to share the rôle with newly appointed Principal Ballerina, Antonette du Pré. Since Cinderella is on stage for almost the entire two hours of the ballet, this allows both artists the luxury of a day's rest between performances.

I saw Miss du Pré dance.during a preview performance and was impressed by the fluidity and artistry of her dancing, which for the sake of continuity was based on Dame Monique's interpretation. The 'pas de deux' with the Prince, performed on this occasion with her, husband Jack French who is understudying the rôle, was as fine an interpretation as I have ever seen. Whichever of the two artists is playing the title rôle when you attend a performance, which I sincerely hope you do, you will not be disappointed.'

Mr Ashton went on to comment on the other principals whom he uniformly commended , along with the corps de ballet, the scenery, costumes and orchestra, so all in all, it was a very flattering review.

There were compliments all round, the day after the reviews came out. All the others were equally complimentary, but it was always Ashton's review that was most eagerly viewed. Seat sales, which were already very good, increased to the point where the 'house full' sign was often displayed.

I thoroughly enjoyed every performance and especially the one where Antoine wasn't feeling one hundred percent, and Jack performed the rôle of the Prince while I was performing Cinderella. Another very special night.

Every dancer has a favourite ballet and 'Cinderella' is mine. Perhaps it was because it was the first ballet where I performed the title role, perhaps because for the first time I had an opportunity to dance with my darling husband in a classical 'pas-de-deux' before an audience. The music of Prokofiev is special too. While not as famous as his countryman Tchaikovsky, he wrote some marvellous music and although he was much more contemporary, living from 1891 to 1953, his music is very melodious and often romantic.

While we were enjoying our Cinderella production, things were happening in other people's lives. Kate's divorce was finalised and she and Ben were looking forward to getting married. Now came the problem of where to hold the wedding when the two families were twelve thousand miles apart. Jack had been invited to be Best Man and I was to be Matron of Honour but even if the wedding was held in London, it would depend on whether we were performing if we could attend.

“It's not up to us to tell you when you hold your wedding, but the only day we can be sure of being free is Sunday,” I said to Kate.

“I don't see any problem about that as we are going to have a civil celebrant,” said Kate. “But I do feel bad if my parents and Gary and family can't be there, and I don't think they can afford to fly over. Alternatively, if we marry in Australia, there is the problem of Ben and Jack's parents and you having to fly there if it's convenient, and maybe it won't be if you are in the middle of a ballet season.”

I didn't say anything at the time, but I did mention the problem to Jack

“Do you think we should offer to pay for your parents to fly over, or Kate's parents and Gary's family to fly here? I'm sure we could afford it now.”

“I don't know,” said Jack. “They might feel embarrassed at being the 'poor relations' who have to be paid for.”

I saw his point of view. I didn't want to cause discomfort in the family. Then another thing happened that usually only happens in novels, not real life, but sometimes life does imitate art. From the time they had migrated to Australia, Kate's Mum usually bought a weekly lottery ticket. Sometimes she won a small prize, enough to pay for the following week's ticket, but now, just as the problem of where to hold the wedding seemed unsolvable, a small miracle happened; Marjorie White had quite a large win. It didn't make her a millionaire, but it was sufficient for her, her husband Bob, and Gary, Wendy and Anthony to fly Economy to England and even stay on for a few week's holiday, their first visit back to Britain since they migrated. They were also looking forward very much to seeing Kate again after a couple of years, and
also meeting Ben.

As soon as they heard that the Whites were coming over, Jack and Ben's parents offered to give them accomodation in London, since they had a four bedroom house and they were now the only ones living there. This was very generous, as accommodation in London can be very expensive. Mrs French said that they had been considering downsizing for some time, but now she was glad that they hadn't yet taken any steps to do so. The Whites still owned the house in London that they had rented out when they moved to Australia many years previously, but it was on long-term rental so not available for them to use.

In order to give the Whites time to organise their passports and also book their flights, Kate and Ben decided on a Sunday four months hence to have their wedding. The next problem was to find a suitable venue that didn't cost too much, but large enough to seat the guest list which was increasing thanks to the number of their friends. I had an idea, and with Kate's agreement, we went to see Miss Nightingale who was still the Headmistress at my old school, Marion Ladies' College, to enquire about the possibility of hiring their assembly hall for the ceremony and reception.

“Come and have a look at it,” she said, and as soon as she saw it, Kate said that it would be ideal, with its polished floor and a stage at one end. There was also a kitchen close by, and Kate had already sounded out the ladies of the local Women's Institute who often catered for weddings and at a much cheaper rate than professional reception centres.

'There's only one problem,” said Miss Nightingale. “I can't hire it to you.”

“Oh!” we both said, our faces falling, but then Miss Nightingale's face broke out into a smile.

“In the case of 'old girls', we will let you have it at no charge.”

“Oh, Miss Nightingale! How kind,” said Kate, and I said “Thank you so much Miss Nightingale.”

“It will be my pleasure,” she said. So that was one more thing settled, and as Kate and I agreed later, another person to be added to the invitation list, which she duly accepted.

One day when Kate and I were able to synchronise a day off together, we, together with my mummy and sister Jeanette, and Ben and Jack's mother, had a 'girls' day out' in the city in order to find a suitable wedding gown for Kate. We would love to have had Kate's mother there, but since she was arriving from Australia only a few days before the wedding, this didn't allow enough time to find such an important garment..

We spent an enjoyable morning visiting a number of boutiques, and finally found the perfect gown for Kate. It was a slim-line silk floor-length gown in pale cream, and set off her trim figure to perfection. By chance, they had another silk gown in a pale rose colour which was perfect for me as 'matron-of-honour'. We had a break for lunch at a very nice restaurant, and then set about finding some matching shoes, which involved a trip to about four shoe shops before we were able to buy what we wanted.

There was only one more thing to buy and that was wedding lingerie. Kate said that it might seem odd since she and Ben had now been living together for quite a while but she wanted to look extra feminine and sexy for him on their wedding night. We all agreed that it was a great idea. Fortunately she found a beautiful set in white silk with lavish lace trim, and we told her that Ben would be 'knocked out' by how she looked.

“Oh I hope not, I still want him to be full of vim and vigour,” said Kate and then blushed scarlet while we all laughed.

To be continued.

Several versions of the complete ballet can be found on Youtube.

Next time: Stravinsky and Spartacus

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Chapter 9   Stravinsky and Spartacus

Back at the Company, the next program had been announced, and it was a change from our usual classical ballet program. This one was to consist of two ballets composed by Igor Stravinsky, two of his most famous works, 'Le Sacre du Printemps' ('The Rite of Spring'), and 'L'Oiseau de Feu' ('The Firebird') .You may wonder why works by a Russian composer have a French name, and I believe it was because they were both written for Paris seasons of Sergei Diaghilev's Ballets Russes company. Both being relatively short ballets – the 'Rite' runs for around forty minutes and the 'Firebird' for about an hour, they would be presented as a single program. Although the 'Firebird' premiered in 1910 and the 'Rite' in 1913, the decision was made to present the 'Rite' first.

Many people are familiar with the 'Rite' from its presentation in Disney's 1940 'Fantasia' animated film where a heavily edited version accompanies a story of the birth of the earth. The ballet's subtitle is 'Pictures of Pagan Russia' and it is divided into two parts 'Adoration of the Earth', and 'The Sacrifice', with dances representing various rituals culminating in a young virgin being chosen as a sacrificial victim who dances herself to death. This part requires a young woman of great stamina as the movements choreographed require an enormous amount of energy. I was not surprised when I heard that Charlotte de Tomas had been chosen for this rôle. As a young woman she had plenty of energy and I knew that she would do a great job.

This work is the most controversial one that Stravinsky ever wrote, and is famous for a near riot at the opening night performance in Paris. The music was such a wrench from every musical tradition that preceded it, thatin 1913, some of the audience claimed it was the work of a madman! I'm glad to say that our opening night did not result in the same reaction. Charlotte in particular received many well-deserved curtain calls for her amazing performance.

'The Firebird' was written three years prior to 'The Rite', but the music is much more conventional. The story centres around Prince Ivan who is hunting in the forest when he captures the Firebird, and after sparing her life she gives him a magic feather which will summon her if he is in danger. This is not long in coming, since he has strayed into the realm of the evil 'Koschei the Immortal' whose soul is hidden in a magic egg. Prince Ivan then meets thirteen princesses under Koschei's spell and falls in love with one, but Koschei sends his monsters after the Prince. In mortal danger, he summons the Firebird who makes the monsters and Koschei dance until they fall down exhausted. She then leads Ivan to the hidden egg which he destroys, killing Koshei and releasing creatures he held captive including the princesses who awaken. The ballet ends with Ivan marrying his chosen princess.

Both the works are often presented as slightly shortened orchestral suites, but I find that presenting them as ballets with that extra dimension adds so much more to them. I was wondering what rôle I had been chosen to perform; not the 'Firebird' of course as I was sure that would be performed by Monique de Valois. When I was finally called to Miss Higgins' office I was guessing that maybe I would be one of the princesses or even the Tsarevna with whom Prince Ivan falls in love, as I sat down on the chair in front of her desk. Even though we now got on very well, I still felt like a schoolgirl in front of the headmistress.

“Well, Antonette, no doubt you are wondering about your rôle in the Stravinsky program, so I will put you out of your misery, we want you to perform the rôle of the 'Firebird'.”

I was so shocked, I'm sure my mouth dropped open and I said “But...”

Mis Higgins smiled, she still enjoyed surprising the artists, and never seemed to fail in my case.

“But why isn't Dame Monique performing the part? Well, I have some news which is not common knowledge yet, so please keep it quiet; Monique is going to be 'Artist in Residence' at the New York City Ballet for about four months and this includes the time of the Stravinsky productions. We had a discussion which included Dame Monique and after her work with you in 'Cinderella', she was strongly of the opinion that you should dance the rôle.”

I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked.

“I have some more news for you,” continued Miss Higgins. “Again, this mustn't be revealed for the moment, but Antoine, who was to play the part of Prince Ivan is leaving us to join the Royal Ballet and as a result, your husband Jack will be invited to dance the part. Now I don't want you to have to keep the news from him, so I am calling him to my office next to give him the good news about you both. Well if there's nothing else?”

“No; thank you very much Miss Higgins,” I said, and left her office. I could hardly contain my excitement but I had to until Jack had been to see Miss Higgins. About half an hour later I saw Jack in the corridor and we both exchanged a smile. There were people about so we couldn't say anything then, but as soon as we were on our way home you can imagine that we couldn't wait to say how excited we were at the news. I had already watched every video recording of the ballets that I could get my hands on, so I knew that there is a six minute pas de deux between the Firebird and Prince Ivan when he first captures her, and I love dancing with Jack so much, that this was something to really look forward to.

We would be performing the Stravinsky program at the same time that Kate and Ben were getting married, so I'm glad that it was being held in London, especially with the important part that I had been given. The Whites timed their flights to arrive on the Wednesday before the Sunday wedding, in order to give them some time to get over their jetlag. Kate suggested to me that all the family's women would love to attend a performance of the Stravinsky program, so I organised tickets for them all as a gift. That wasn't all, Kate asked if Jack and I would be willing to perform at her wedding in the same way that we had at the first one. I felt that it was a real honour, so I arranged with Miss Higgins for us to borrow suitable costumes from the Company wardrobe, in order to perform the pas de deux from 'The Sleeping Beauty'.

The start of the season approached and the advertisements on the billboards went up outside the theatre. For the first time, Jack and I saw our names featured on them.

I hope you won't think less of me if I say that I obtained a copy for our collection?

Rehearsals proceeded and I had to attend several sessions with the wardrobe department who were making my costume. This consisted of a 'bell tutu', so-called because of its shape. It was basically red in colour with embroidery on the skirt and bodice, and with a matching headpiece with what appeared to be feathers, since the character is a bird. Two costumes were made for me just in case of any problems, and a third costume made for my understudy, Lucie Manet, who while still in the corps de ballet was already a 'First Artist' and obviously a real talent and destined for great things. As was the Company custom, she would be performing during some of the matinée performances.

I should mention that 'tutu' is a generic name for a ballet costume, and it comes in five basic forms. The 'romantic tutu' which is often worn by the corps has a skirt made of multiple layers of tulle, often reaching to mid-calf. The platter tutu is the one most people associate with the name, and has a flat top decorated with embroidery. The pancake tutu is similar to the platter but has a pleated top. The 'bell tutu' is stiffened to hold its shape. Finally the 'powder-puff tutu' is a short skirt with several layers of netting which is softer and fuller, and moves freely with the dancer's movements.

Choosing Stravinsky was a calculated risk for the Company which usually specialised in classical ballet of an earlier era, but ticket sales were very good. The First Night arrived, and I'm pleased to say that it was very successful. We had a royal princess who is a great fan of ballet, in the Royal Box, and after the performance, she came backstage to meet the principal performers.

The reviews were uniformly excellent, including that by Anthony Ashton, who said some very nice things about my performance and also mentioned Jack very favourably. It's a known fact that some people wait for the reviews before they book tickets, and there is no doubt that the ticket sales rose after they came out. Not only artistically but also financially, the season was a great success.

Such was the success of the Stravinsky double bill, that later in the year, the Company directors decided on presenting another modern ballet 'Spartacus' with music by Aram Khachaturian, which he composed in 1954. It has had several choreographers, but the most successful is Yuri Grigorovich. Unlike almost every other classical ballet, the lead character is a man, one who actually lived in the first century BC. Nobody expects a ballet to be historically accurate, and yet the basic story is as the Romans recorded it; Spartacus leads a slave rebellion against Rome, which was initially quite successful before the might of the Roman army eventually prevails and he and his followers are killed..

Another variation from the usual classical ballet is that a larger than usual corps of men is required to play Roman soldiers and slaves. Miss Higgins set about contacting her counterparts in other professional ballet companies and requesting their assistance in loaning some male dancers. It says a lot for the reputation of the IBC that she easily organised a dozen men, including two from the Royal Ballet's own corps.

At this point I should give you an idea of the storyline as it is told in the ballet..

Act 1: Spartacus a captured and enslaved Thracian king, who, together with his wife Phrygia and many other captives are taken by the consul Crassus back to Rome. Phrygia is sent to his harem, and Spartacus, who is seen to be a brilliant fighter, is sent to a gladiator school, and is forced to kill a close friend in the arena for the entertainment of Crassus and his friends.

Act 2: Spartacus and other slaves escape and start a rebellion against their Roman masters. They rescue Phyrgia and other women from Crassus's harem. Aegina, a concubine of Crassus urges him to pursue the slaves who are enjoying their freedom. It is here that the most famous part of the ballet, the Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia is performed.

Act 3: Aegina discovers the slaves' camp and sends word to Crassus who sends his army in a surprise attack. In the ensuing flight, Spartacus is killed and his remaining followers recover his body and carry it off while Phrygia mourns her loss.

Jack was chosen to play Spartacus, with me as Phrygia his wife. Kal McBride played Crassus, a Roman consul, and Charlotte de Tomas, his concubine Aegina.

We started on rehearsals. While the ballet has some great music and dramatic scenes, the one part for which it is famous is the 'Adagio of Spartacus and Phrygia', especially as the music has been used in various films and television programs. People have asked me what an 'adagio' is, and I explain that it means music played at a slow pace. In ballet it refers to a movement performed with the greatest amount of fluidity and grace, requiring perfect body control. It certainly requires a great deal of rehearsal to make it look effortless.

The scene in which it is performed is the slaves' camp at night. Phrygia appears first from a tent and performs solo for about five minutes, and then Spartacus appears and they perform a beautiful pas de deux. At one point as the music rises in volume to a crescendo, Phrygia runs across the stage and throws herself into the arms of Spartacus. Then follows some of the most spectacular lifts in any classical ballet. Naturally they require the ballerina to have total confidence in her partner not to drop her, and that's what I have in Jack. He has never dropped me, even once!. It is all very well to describe what happens, but the best thing is to see for yourselves which you can do on YouTube. There are two excellent performances of the Adagio with different dancers but using the same choreography by Yuri Grigorovich. There is also a recording of the complete ballet which I can highly recommend.

The production was a great success and usually ended in a standing ovation. When our relatives came to see it, they commented afterwards that some of our lifts in the 'Adagio' were as good as you would see acrobats perform in a circus. I take that as quite a compliment!

To be continued

Next time: Kate and Ben's wedding

Note: The complete Firebird and Rite of Spring ballets can be found on Youtube, also two excellent versions of the Adagio from Spartacus and the complete ballet..

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Chapter 10   Kate and Ben's Wedding

The day came when the Whites arrived at Heathrow. Fortunately, the flight landed in the morning, and Jack, Ben and I picked them up in two cars and took them to their parents' house. Ben was rather naughty and drove past the theatre where Jack and I were performing, to point out our names on the billboards, and I had to explain where the name 'du Pré' came from. It seemed that all the women were looking forward to attending a performance on Friday night. Kate hadn't said anything about us performing at her wedding as that was to be a surprise.

Friday night was a great success. Kate, Marjorie White, her daughter-in-law Wendy, my Mummy and sister Jeanette and Jack and Ben's mother, were in attendance, and at supper afterwards, where Jack was the only male present, they were all very complimentary about our performances.

The wedding day arrived. Kate stayed overnight at my parents' place where she and I would be getting ready, assisted by my Mummy and Jeanette. Jack went to Kate and Ben's flat to get ready with him. Kate and I agreed that we would not employ professional hair and makeup artists. I have seen their work before and while it is very glamorous, sometimes the bride just doesn't look like her normal self. We were up early and after a light breakfast, everyone got to work. I must say that I think the final results were very satisfactory; Kate looked amazing and I don't think I looked too bad either. We were dressed in our bridal and Matron of Honour gowns fifteen minutes before the photographer arrived. Ken is the boyfriend of Martin, one of the dancers at the ballet. He is a professional and I had seen some of his work before, so I had no hesitation in recommending him. Jumping forwards I can confirm that the pictures he produced were wonderful. After he had recorded an incredible number of images, we were taken to the school in a Jaguar that my Daddy had borrowed from a friend for the occasion. Jeanette drove Mummy separately to the school. I must mention that they all looked very smart. Both Mummy and Jeanette had bought new dresses for the occasion, and Daddy wore his best suit and had a carnation in his buttonhole.

The ceremony would take place on the stage of the school hall before the assembled guests. Since it was used for assemblies, school concerts, plays and occasional film shows, the hall was set up with very good quality sound and lighting systems. One of the maintenance staff was present to control the systems, accompanied by his daughter Hannah Britton, who was in Year 11 at the school, and whom he had told me was very interested in theatre stage management. Miss Nightingale had told him about my position with the ballet and he asked me if there was any chance of Hannah doing work experience at the theatre. I'm happy to report that I did manage to get her some work there where her enthusiasm and eagerness to learn was well received, which made her even more determined that that was what she wanted to do as a career.

Like so many weddings, the number of guests had crept up to about fifty, with Kate and Ben's friends and workmates.as well as the family members. A civil celebrant had been engaged to perform the ceremony; she came highly recommended. The stage was beautifully decorated with flowers and a flowered archway for the bridal couple to stand in. At the appointed time, Ben and Jack stood on the stage with the celebrant, the guests stood, and then to a recording of Mendelssohn's 'Wedding March', Kate and her father followed by me as Matron of Honour, walked down the central aisle between the seats and up a short flight of stairs onto the stage. The lights in the hall dimmed slightly as soft spotlights picked out Kate and Ben as they stood together clasping hands. The ceremony was lovely, and I'm sure more than one tear was shed by the assembled women, me amongst them. I was so happy for them as I knew that this time it was a marriage of two people who were madly in love with each other. At the conclusion of the ceremony and after the register had been signed and witnessed, Kate and Ben walked down the steps to the floor of the hall and greeted their family and friends. We didn't use confetti – it makes such a mess to clean up.

Now the Women's Institute ladies took over, placing tables and chairs in the hall, leaving a space for dancing at the front near the stage, where the bridal table was located.. The piano was wheeled onto the stage and .an all-female quartet of pianist, vocalist, bass and drums set up and began to play as some WI ladies acting as waitresses circulated with drinks and canapés for the guests.

It's scarcely necessary for me to describe the wedding reception which followed the time-honoured routine. I must say that Jack gave an excellent Best Man speech. I've heard a few shockers, but his was one of the best. I think the fact that he, like me, is used to performing in front of a much bigger crowd that was present that day, means that he is very relaxed, even if he doesn't speak while dancing.

The meal provided by the W I ladies was excellent, but Jack and I only ate the entree, and at one point when the speeches and cake cutting was completed and dancing began, we slipped away to a room where we had stored our costumes for the surprise that Kate and Ben had arranged. When we were ready, we gave a signal to Daddy who had been waiting and when the current bracket of music for dancing was concluded, he re-entered the hall took the microphone and asked the guests to be seated.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special surprise for you today. Some of you know that Ben's brother Jack and his wife Antonette, who just happens to be my daughter, are principals at the Imperial Ballet Company. By special request of Kate and Ben, they will perform for you today, and the piece they have chosen in the 'balcony pas-de-deux' from the ballet 'Romeo and Juliet, with music by Prokofiev. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Antonette and Jack.”

With that we entered the hall to applause, and the music began to play. It runs for about seven minutes, not too long for those who don't appreciate ballet, and features some spectacular lifts which showed off Jack's strength and agility as he spun around with me over his shoulders to spontaneous applause. I know the opinion some men have of male ballet dancers, and we wanted to show that whether they are straight or gay, they are still tremendous athletes. We actually kissed during it, which I always enjoy. At the conclusion we had a standing ovation and I noticed that some of the ladies were dabbing their eyes. Well, it is a very romantic piece.

At the conclusion, Daddy came onto the dance floor and thanked us both. “I should mention that Antonette and Jack are both currently performing in 'The Firebird' with Antonette in the title rôle and Jack as the Prince, if you'd like to see them dance again in a very different ballet, this time you'll have to buy tickets!” There was general laughter, but I believe that some of the guests did go to see us perform.

Before we left the hall, I had a very short speech to say. “Ladies and gentlemen, I don't suppose you've ever heard a ballerina speak before, but there's a first time for everything. Let me say how happy we were to agree to Kate and Ben's request to dance at their wedding. The balcony pas-de-deux from Romeo and Juliet is one of the most romantic in all ballet, so we thought it would be most appropriate. It also gives Jack a chance to show that all those weight-lifting sessions weren't for nothing We do wish Kate and Ben a long and happy life together. Thank you.” More applause as we left the hall to change out of our costumes.

Then we went to the kitchen to ask the ladies for our main courses which they had kept warm for us, since it's not practical to dance on a full stomach. They were all fairly elderly ladies, and one of them told us to go back to our table and she would bring in the meals, which she did a few minutes later.

“Thank you so much for the ballet,” she said quietly to me. “I haven't seen any for years and I had no idea that you were professionals. I hope you don't mind that when I heard the music start to play, I recognised it and I slipped into the hall to watch you?”

“Not at all, Mrs, err” I said.

“Harper, Esme Harper,” she said. “When my Fred was alive he took me to the ballet about twice a year. I don't think he was all that keen, but he knew that I enjoyed it so much. That's one of the things I loved about him.”

“I'm so sorry, Mrs Harper,” I said. Then I had an idea. “You may have heard my Daddy mention that Jack and I are performing in Stravinsky's 'The Firebird' at present. Would you like tickets for you and a friend to come along to a performance, my treat?”

“Oh, Mrs French, that is so kind of you. Norah, my next door neighbour would love to come. Any performance would be fine, I don't go out much nowadays,” she said, so I dived into my handbag and wrote my phone number of a piece of paper.

“Please ring me next Sunday and I'll let you know about the tickets,” I said.

After thanking me again, she went back to the kitchen and left Jack and me to our meals. Afterwards we had a chat wih Kate and Ben, and also joined in the dancing, which is very different to ballet, but I think once you are good at one type of dancing, you have no problem doing other types.

At the end of the evening, we all gathered in a circle to say goodnight to the newly-weds as they left for their honeymoon, but more on that later.

On the following Sunday I was able to tell Mrs Harper that I had organised two tickets for the following Friday evening and would leave them at the box office for her. What I didn't tell her was that they were very good seats, a few rows back in the front stalls. After discussion with Jack, I added a note inviting them to have supper with us, so I asked them to wait in the foyer after the performance while we changed.

When we came out to meet them, they were just ecstatic about the performance but initially said they couldn't possibly impose on us for supper. However, after I told them I had already reserved a table for us in a small restaurant around the corner from the theatre, they agreed to come. It was a lovely way to conclude the evening for them and it turned out that Esme Harper was a real balletomane and had even seen Dame Margot Fonteyn, the Prima Ballerina Assoluta of the Royal Ballet dance with Rudolph Nureyev.

“Oh dear!” I said in mock alarm. “I didn't realised we would be compared with the very best dancers ever!”

“Oh no, my dear, you were both excellent and I can't remember when I've enjoyed an evening at the ballet so much,” replied Esme.

This is not quite the end of the story. I was thinking that I would offer Esme and Norah some more tickets, when about two months later, a letter arrived for me care of the ballet. I shall reproduce it exactly as it was written:

Dear Miss Du Pre,

I am writing to inform you that my neighbour Esme Harper has gone to join her late husband Fred. What you did not know was that when she worked with the WI at your sister's wedding, she already knew that she had terminal cancer and not long to live but it did not stop her from keeping busy. She had a good sense of humour and said 'Why should I stop now, you're a long time dead'.

I spent quite a bit of time sitting with her in the last weeks and we talked of many things including seeing you and your husband dance at the wedding and the theatre. Esme knew it was the last ballet she would ever see which made her enjoy it all the more. She asked me to thank you once again for a magical evening, and she said to tell you that although nobody could dance better than Margot Fontaine and Rudi Nureyev, you and your hubby came a very close second.

God bless you both,

Norah Savage.

I cried when I read the letter, and even Jack had a lump in his throat.

“So you didn't know she was sick when you invited her to see the ballet?” he asked

“No, I had no idea. She looked pale but I just thought it was because she was elderly,” I replied.

A few weeks later I contacted Norah Savage to find out where Esme and Fred were buried, and I took some flowers to their grave, and I confess they were watered by my tears. I should mention that the only reason I recorded this is to say that sometimes things we do have effects on other people's lives which we have no idea about at the time we do them. Therefore it's our responsibility to always try to do good in this world.

To be continued

Next time: La Bayardère

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Chapter 11   A honeymoon and a wonderful surprise

Kate and Ben had a rather unusual 'honeymoon'. They had already been living together for some time, and since Kate's family only had another three or so weeks in Britain, and they wanted to see as much of each other as possible, they had decided that they would all go on a tour of England, Scotland and Wales together. After Kate and Ben spent their wedding night at a hotel, they met up with the rest of the family and headed off in a hired mini-bus, so that they could travel together.

Kate told me later where they went. I'm not sure I remember everything, but I know they headed southwest first and visited Stonehenge and then Salisbury and Old Sarum. Wendy had read Edward Rutherfurd's book and she thought at first that Sarum was imaginary, but when she found out it was real she wanted to see it for herself. They also visited the village of Lacock, owned by the National Trust and looking much as it did in the Middle Ages. It is a favourite location for film and television production companies and has been used in 'Pride and Prejudice' (1995), 'Cranford', 'Wolf Hall', 'Downton Abbey' and a couple of Harry Potter films amongst other things.

After that they headed north and visited the Welsh borders, Blackpool and the Lake District where they spent a couple of days. As a boy, Gary had been a keen reader of the 'Swallows and Amazons' series of classic children's adventure books by Arthur Ransome, and wanted to see where many of them had been set. They reached Scotland and visited Edinburgh, and since Don White was a keen golfer, they had to go to St Andrews, and by chance they arrived on a Sunday, when play is not allowed, but anyone can wander over the Old Course and visit such famous sites as the bridge over the Swilcan Burn where all the winners of the British Open played on the course, pose to have photographs with the 'auld claret jug', and also the famous 17th 'Road Hole' for photos Don had said “Try doing that at Augusta!” He was surprised to find the 'Himalayas pitch and putt' course next the the Old Course was open, and of course had to have a go to say he played at St Andrews! Later they visited the museum and bought some souvenirs. I think that was the highlight of the trip to the U.K. for Don, apart from his daughter's wedding of course!

Time was getting short, so they headed south, first to York where they visited the famous Minster, the Shambles, the Railway Museum, and the Jorvik Viking Centre. On the way south, they went to Stratford-upon-Avon, and since I had told them about my dear friend Harriet Stowe who was an actress performing there, they checked out the theatre complex, and reported back that she was performing the part of 'Desdemona' in Shakespeare's 'Othello'.

“You didn't tell us that she is one of the top actresses there; we thought she was a small part player,” said Kate.

“Far from it,” I replied. “I have a DVD of her performing in 'Romeo and Juliet' which is considered to be amongst the finest ever seen. I'll show you some of it when we get back to London.”

Finally on returning to London with the best part of a week to go, they spent time enjoying some of what the capital has to offer; the Tower of London, the National and Tate Galleries, the London Eye, the British, and Victoria and Albert museums, a trip down the Thames to Greenwich, where they had their photos taken standing astride the Meridian Line that separates the Eastern and Western hemispheres, Hampton Court, and a visit to a couple of the West End theatres.

I did show the ladies of the family my dear friend Harriet Stow performing as Juliet in the balcony scene and they were greatly impressed.

“I use her performance as an inspiration when I am dancing in the 'Romeo and Juliet' ballet,” I said. “Fortunately we are allowed to dance as Juliet when much older than actresses who perform the part.”

On the final Sunday, when Jack and I were free from performing, we spent the day together with them all again, concluding with an excellent dinner at one of London's top restaurants – extravagant I know, but we would not be seeing them again for years and I'm so glad we did it. Since they don't allow bill-splitting, we paid and then the others paid us their share afterwards.

Finally, it was time for the Whites to return to Australia. They were due at Heathrow in the morning, so Jack and I drove Gary and family there, and Ben and Kate drove Kate's parents. We had a final cup of coffee together, and then Jack and I left to go to a rehearsal. We really didn't want to be there when Kate's parents and brother said goodbye to her as it was bound to be emotional, so they needed the time to themselves. We heard later that the flight took off without incident and on time, and a day later there was a phone call to say that they had all arrived safely back in Australia.

Jack and I carried on with our work at the ballet. We were now rehearsing 'La Bayadère', with music by Ludwig Minkus and a libretto by Sergei Khudekov, which, although it is one of the great classical ballets, is not performed as often as many of the others. Minkus, (1826-1917), is not as well known as other ballet composers, but his music is very melodious

The story of the ballet, which in its full form runs for four acts and over two hours, not including an interval, is too complex to relate here – let me just say it is set in the Royal India of the past, and is a story of eternal love, mystery, fate, vengeance, and justice. It is easy to find the story by searching for it online. Dame Monique had now returned from America and she would be playing the part of Nikiya, a 'bayadère' or temple girl. I was given the rôle of Gamzatti, the daughter of the Rajah, and Jack was to play Solor, a warrior. I'm sure you have already deduced that part of the story is two women fighting over one man, which never ends well!

It is a beautiful ballet with lovely music and wonderful costumes. One of the most famous scenes, is 'The Kingdom of the Shades' which features the corps de ballet with the stage to themselves, rather than being the background to the soloists, and commencing with a series of arabesques. It is sometimes performed on its own. I would certainly recommend you attending a performance of 'La Bayadère' if you get the chance.

The production was a great success. Most of the women of our combined families attended a performance and were very complimentary about Jack's and my performances. The reviews were uniformly good and as a result ticket sales were excellent.

Six months after Kate's family returned to Australia after the wedding, she rang me and asked if we could meet up for coffee. The four of us often met up, but obviously this was to be 'girl talk'. The hospital where she worked was not too far from the ballet rehearsal rooms, so we arranged to meet at a café about midway between the two. I could tell that Kate was bursting to tell me something and after we bought our coffees and sat down, she wasted no time in coming out with it.

“I'm going to have a baby!” she said.

“Oh Kate, that's wonderful news! Congratulations to you both,” I exclaimed. “I'm so happy for you.”.

“I'm keeping it a secret at present. I really shouldn't have told anyone before I was three months gone, but I couldn't keep it to myself any longer,” she said. “Only you and Ben know at present, but you are my very best friend after Ben, so I just had to tell you.”

“I'll keep it a secret of course, but can I tell Jack yet?”

“Oh yes, of course, but that's as far as it goes. There's something else too, I want you and Jack to be her godparents.”

“Her?” I said. “Can you tell so soon?”

“Oh no, but I have a really strong feeling that I'm having a daughter,” said Kate. She was just so full of excitement and I could imagine that I would have been too if it had been possible for me to have a baby.

“Well, thank you so much for asking us to be her godparents,” I said. “Nobody has ever asked us that before and it is a real honour.”

“I'm asking you because I know that if anything ever happened to me, you would be there for Ben to make sure that my baby was looked after,” said Kate. She suddenly looked very serious. This was obviously very important to her, so I didn't say anything flippant like 'of course nothing is going to happen to you', and instead said “You have my word on that, and I'm sure Jack will give you his word too.”

Kate smiled' “I knew that you would,” she said. Then perhaps seeing the look on my face, she added. “I'm not sick, and I really don't expect anything to go wrong, but having this baby is so important to me that I already feel a great sense of responsibility and obligation to her.”

I reached across the table and took her hand. “You can rely on Jack and me,” I said.

Our next ballet was 'Don Quixote' with music again by Ludwig Minkus. The story is taken from three episodes in the very long novel by Cervantes. The dancing is unusual in that it is a mixture of classical ballet steps and also Spanish dancing. I was surprised to learn that I had been given the role of Kitri, the innkeeper's daughter, and Jack was Basilio, a barber and Kitri's lover. Dame Monique had decided to take time off and she had said she felt I was quite capable of taking the starring rôle. After taking the second solo rôle in a few productions, this was a special step in my career, and I was excited and not a little nervous.

Meanwhile, we kept in regular contact with Kate and Ben. Kate was starting to show her 'baby bump' now, and another scan had confirmed that she was indeed expecting a baby girl. That was the real icing on the cake. I had told Kate that if I had been good at knitting I would have made some baby clothes for her, but the fact was that my attempts at knitting had only proved that I was best to stick to my 'day job'.

“Never mind,” Kate laughed. “As soon as I told my Mummy and Ben's, they both got to work as soon as they knew what colour wool to use, and my baby is going to be very well supplied with clothes.”

“When she is old enough I'll teach her ballet dancing instead,” I said, and Kate said she would hold me to that.

The 'Don Quixote' rehearsals went ahead and it was very enjoyable. Miss Higgins was nodding her approval at the rehearsals, so Jack and I were obviously doing things to her satisfaction. When the season started, there was royalty present in the Royal Box on the First Night, and all the principals were presented backstage after the performance. I received royal compliments on my performance as did we all. The Princess remarked that it was wonderful to see me performing again, so she obviously remembered me from previous productions. The reviews were uniformly good and ticket sales were excellent.

Meanwhile, Kate was growing bigger and bigger and showing that special bloom that most pregnant women have. Finally, one morning at around seven o'clock, Ben rang to tell us that Kate had given birth to a healthy eight pound baby girl at about 2am. Ben had been present and cut the cord. How different from the old days when husbands were strictly forbidden in the delivery room.

“Congratulations to you both,” I said. “Please pass on our love to Kate. Have you decided on a name yet?”

“Yes, she will be Angela Kate French, because as her mother says, she is a little angel.”

“That's lovely,” I replied. “Please let us know when we can come to see her.”

Two days later, before going in to rehearsals, Jack and I went to the hospital to meet our new goddaughter, carrying a large bunch of flowers. Kate was feeding her at the time and had no problems with Jack coming into the room. Baby Kate, as she came to be called, was as beautiful as all new babies are, and after she had had enough to drink, we were allowed to hold her. She was so small and light, but my heart went out to her, and I had to stop tears forming in my eyes. If only I could have had a baby of my own. I scolded myself, thinking that I must not be greedy; I had a career that many women would give their eye teeth for and we can't have everything we want in this world.

To be continued

Next time: Giselle

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Chapter 12   Giselle

Months went by and we were performing in several ballets. We often called at Kate and Ben's flat to see them and their baby who was putting on weight and looking more gorgeous than ever. Her christening had been arranged at St Michaels, the local Anglican church and as promised, Jack and I were to be her godparents. It was held on a Sunday afternoon when Baby Kate was three months old, and besides ourselves, Jack and Ben's parents and my parents were there plus some of Kate and Ben's special friends. We all dressed up for the occasion, me in a pretty new summer dress with a flared skirt, and my usual stockings and heels. Jack looked dashing in his grey suit. We didn't upstage Baby Kate's parents who were equally well dressed.

I confess that we are not regular churchgoers, so the vicar, the Reverend Peter Cole, a very nice young chap, had taken us through a rehearsal of what we had to do, and also impressed upon us the importance of the promises that we would make on behalf of our goddaughter. We both said that we took them seriously and would do our best to carry them out. We even went to church for a few Sunday mornings, although I confess we gradually fell away from regular attendance. Sunday was our only day off when we were performing and we took the opportunity to sleep in after the Saturday evening performance. I think that Reverend Cole understood.

After the christening service, where Baby Kate behaved very well and didn't cry when the water, which had been warmed, was poured on her head, we retired to a local cafe for afternoon tea and a chat. We took a number of photos to send to Kate's parents and brother Gary in Australia, and it was a very happy day. Kate was enjoying her maternity leave from the hospital, and turned out to be a perfect mother. Ben was a very good father and did all he could to help, and everything seemed to be going very well.

Six months passed, and the next ballet production coming up was 'Giselle', and much to my surprise, I had been awarded the much coveted title rôle with Dame Monique choosing to play the Queen of the Wilis. This really made no sense to me until one day during a rehearsal break, Dame Monique asked if I would join her for a cup of coffee in the café.

“I think you are wondering why I recommended you for the part of Giselle and settled for a lesser rôle myself. I will explain to you the reason. As you know, I have been Prima Ballerina of the company for some years and hope to remain so for another few, but the time comes in any dancer's life when they realise that their solo career is coming to an end. There are some, like Dame Margot who go on until they are well past their best, trading on their fame to bring in the audiences, but I don't see it that way. I have been discussing with company executives who would be suitable to replace me when my career finishes and the general consensus is that you are likely to be my successor.”

I confess that at this point my face was bright red, not because I had designs on the top tier of dancers, but because what Dame Monique was saying was so unexpected.

“However, before a final decision is made, you must be given a chance to prove yourself, and that can't happen if I continue to perform all the major rôles, hence the decision to give you 'Giselle'. We wouldn't have done this unless we thought you were up to the task. So now you understand why you are playing the part. By the way, as you know, the ballet is my life. I never married, and even when I cease performing as a soloist, I hope to continue on in character parts, so I should be around for a long time yet.”

'And keeping an eye on me,' I thought, but out loud I said “Thank you for explaining that Dame Monique. I will do my very best to justify your confidence in me.”

She smiled and patted my hand. It seemed the interview was over,

Giselle is a ballet of love and betrayal, life and death. In short the story is as follows:
Giselle is a village maiden who loves to dance but has a weak heart. Her beauty enchants the philandering Count Albrecht, who, on the day of the village wine festival, disguises himself as a peasant in order to win her heart.. Giselle rejects him at first but finally succumbs to his pledge of eternal love.. Hilarion, a gamekeeper who loves Giselle discovers Albrecht's true identity and reveals it. Giselle loses her reason and she collapses and dies.

In the second act, Giselle has become a wili, who are ghostly apparitions of girls who were betrayed by faithless lovers on the eve of their weddings. Myrtha, Queen of the Wilis discovers Hilarion mourning at Giselle's grave. She summons the other spirits and they force Hilarion to dance until he dies of exhaustion. Albrecht, now full of remorse also comes to Giselle's grave and Myrtha commands her to come forth and dance all night with him until he too dies. But Giselle still loves him despite his betrayal of her and .keeps him alive until dawn, when the wilis lose their power. Then she disappears back into her grave, leaving Albrecht alone to grieve over it.

The choreography is based on that of the famous Marius Petipa, and the music is by Adolphe Adam. Although Adam was a prolific composer, Giselle is probably his most famous work. Jack was to play Albrecht, and Alfredo the part of Hilarion, Playing Giselle was going to be a highlight of my career, and dancing with Jack playing Albrecht was a great bonus as we spent so much time dancing together.

The Opening Night was a great success, and the reviews were very flattering. I was on Cloud Nine. Ticket sales were great, Jack and I were thrilled to be dancing together and we couldn't have been happier. More important to me than the reviews, was Dame Monique's assessment of my performance, saying that she could not have done it better herself. That seemed to bode well for my advancement to Prima Ballerina, although it was a position that I had never aspired to. In any case, it wasn't going to happen immediately, since, as Dame Monique had said herself, she expected to continue in the position for a few years yet.

To be continued

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Chapter 13   Stop All the Clocks*

One night, around the middle of the season of Giselle, when baby Kate was about nine months old, the phone beside my side of the bed started to buzz at about 2am. I picked it up and still half asleep, said “Hello?” There was a voice on the other end which was so distorted and hysterical-sounding that I nearly hung up, thinking it was some crank call, but thank goodness I didn't because I finally recognised the voice.

“Ben?” I said. “Is that you?”

“Oh Antonette, it's Kate, she's been in an accident!” He was crying and barely getting the words out between sobs. By now I was wide awake.

“Ben, is she hurt? Where are you?” I asked.

“I'm at St Thomas's where she works. It was a car accident on her way home. They've taken her to the operating theatre. Antonette, I'm so frightened.”

“And baby Kate, where is she?”

“She's with me. I couldn't think what else to do.”

“Right. Just stay there; Jack and I will be there as soon as we can,” I replied and hung up, then cursed myself for being an idiot. Where else would he go?

I shook Jack awake and in a few words told him what had happened. We hurriedly dressed as I rang for a taxi. I didn't want to risk driving fast to the hospital and maybe having another accident.

When we arrived at the hospital, we hurried in through the Accident and Emergency Department entrance and I told the clerk at reception that I was Antonette French and that my sister in law was in theatre after a car accident. She looked at her notes and confirmed that she was in theatre and Ben was in a waiting room next to the operating suite..

“Take the lift to the third floor, turn left and follow the signs,” she said.

We found Ben in the little waiting room, pacing up and down, holding baby Kate in his arms.. When he saw us he hurried over and first I hugged him and then Jack did. He offered me baby Kate and I just naturally took her. She was peacefully sleeping, oblivious to all that was going on around her.

“How is she?” I asked.

“She's been in theatre for over an hour,” Ben replied. “I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.”

“Do you know what happened?” I asked.

“She should never have been working,” he replied. “She was still on maternity leave, but they rang up and said they were very short-staffed and could she come in for a late evening shift, so of course she went. That's Kate. When she was driving home, it seems a car ran a red light and crashed into her. There was a car coming up behind her and the driver said that there were three youths in the car who jumped out and ran away. It must have been stolen. He was the one who rang for the ambulance and comforted her while they waited.”

Ben suddenly sat down and buried his head in his hands. “I'm so frightened,” he said. I sat down beside him as I nursed Baby Kate, and held his hand with my free one. It felt freezing cold. Jack went to the drinks machine in the comer of the room and came back with some disposable cups. I don't know what was in them but it was hot and wet, and somehow a drink is a comforting thing at moments like that. Then we just sat and waited.

After what seemed like an eternity, a doctor walked into the room. I knew what had happened from the look on his face.

“I'm so sorry,” he said. “We did everything we could.”

Ben did not cry out, he was too shocked. He just said quietly “Can we see her?”

“Of course, “ said the young doctor and I felt sorry for him. It can't be easy giving people the worst news. After a moment's hesitation he said “When Mrs French's bag was checked to find out her identity, we saw that there was an organ donor card. I know it's a terrible time to ask you, but if we are to accede to her wishes, we still need approval from her next of kin … from you.”

There was a moment's silence; then Ben stared down at his hand and spoke quietly. “You know Kate was a nurse here. She used to tell me that she saw patients who were desperate for a kidney, or some other organ to improve their quality of life, or even a heart transplant.to save their life. 'We don't have enough donors in this country,' she would say. That's when she told me she had registered as an organ donor and made me promise that if anything ever happened I would agree to her organs being taken.” He looked up at the doctor. “If there are any of her organs you can use, please do so. It's what she wanted . I'll sign the paperwork. At least some good can come out of this.”

The doctor said “Thank you Mr French. We have a nurse who will come and speak to you about the process.”

The minutes dragged by.; then a nurse arrived in the room. She was very calm and professional., but also very sympathetic. I would not want her job for all the world. She had some papers for Ben to sign and she explained which organs they were able to take. As I recall, it was Kate's heart, her kidneys, one lung and her corneas. Ben nodded in silence. Then we waited again.

It was about an hour later that another nurse came to the room.

“Would you come with me please?” she said quietly, and we followed her down the corridor and into a small single room. Kate was lying in the bed, and apart from her white face with a livid bruise on the right temple, she could have been asleep. Jack and I stood back while Ben went up to the bed. He bent over and kissed Kate on the lips and whispered something to her. I don't know what it was and I've never asked. Then it was my turn and Jack's. We both kissed her forehead, and she was so cold.

“Oh Kate, Kate,” I murmured. There was nothing else to say.

The nurse was standing by the door. “We're so sorry,” she said. “Kate was part of the St Thomas family. We all knew her and loved her. I know the surgeons did everything they could for her.”

Ben said “Thank you. I know everyone did their best.”

There was silence. We didn't know what to do next.

“We'll take great care of her,” said the nurse and we realised that it was a hint for us to leave. There was nothing more anyone could do. Someone had to say something, so I took charge.

“Ben, you must come home with us, Baby Kate too,” I said, and Jack nodded his agreement.

“Did you drive here?” Jack said to Ben.

“No. I didn't trust myself to drive so I called a taxi,” said Ben. Well that saved one problem. We walked down to Reception at the A & E Department and asked them to call us a taxi, and were taken back to our flat. Halfway there I suddenly thought of feeding the baby who was fortunately still asleep, but that wouldn't last for ever. We found an all-night store and bought some baby formula, a bottle. and some nappies (diapers as our American friends call them)

Back at the flat, I made up a bed for Ben in the spare room.

“You are so kind, Antonette but I don't think I can sleep,” said Ben.

“I know, but just try to rest for a while,” I said. Baby Kate had awakened and I realised that she was wet and hungry. Fortunately, I had visited Kate and the baby many times and so had some idea of what needed doing. Kate had even suggested I practise changing and feeding her. She had said “You might be doing this yourself one day” and I was sorely tempted again to tell her that it wasn't going to happen, but after all the years we had known each other, I just couldn't.

Ben went into the spare bedroom and closed the door, but as I set about changing and feeding baby Kate, I could hear him quietly sobbing and it broke my heart. I told Jack to go to bed and that I would stay up with the baby for a while. After I fed her and burped her, I sat there rocking her to sleep, and eventually, we both drifted off and didn't wake up until it was daylight, and Jack appeared about seven o'clock to wake me.

“I wondered where you were,” he said.

“I meant to come to bed, I just fell asleep rocking Kate.”

“Is Ben awake?” Jack said.

“I'm not sure,” I replied. I walked to the door of the spare bedroom and knocked lightly on it. There was no answer, so I gently opened it. Ben was lying on the bed, fully clothed, fast asleep and clutching a pillow. I silently closed the door again.

“He's still asleep,” I said to Jack. “I think he is totally exhausted after last night.”

“What are we going to do?” aid Jack.

“Well, Kate's parents and brother have to be notified. I don't think Ben will be up to it, so I had better do it,” I said. “Then we have to work out what to do about Baby Kate. Do you think your parents would take her for a while?”

“Well, they've had plenty of experience, bringing up us two,, although I'm sure they never expected to look after a baby at their age. Still, it is an emergency.”

Thanks, darling,” I said. Then I went into the bedroom to make the most difficult phone call I had ever made. I knew that Eastern Australia was between nine and eleven hours ahead of us depending on who was on Summer Time, so it would be early evening there. I took a deep breath, and dialed Marjorie and Don's number. The phone rang a few times ,and I could feel my heart pounding. How do you tell someone their daughter is dead? Break it to them gently I suppose.

“Hello?” It was Don's voice, and I was glad of that.

“Hello, Don, it's Antonette in England.”

“Hello Antonette, it's nice to hear from you. Is everything alright?” Did my voice give away that something was wrong?

“Well, no, actually. Is Marjorie there?”

“Yes, she's in the next room, I'll call her.”

“Please do. Make sure she's sitting down and then put the phone on speaker.”

“Alright,” he said, and the tone of his voice had changed. I heard him call to his wife and then after a pause, he said “We're sitting down and we have the phone on speaker, Antonette. What do you have to tell us?”

“I'm afraid it's about Kate,” I started. “The hospital where she works, St Thomas's, asked if she could do a shift yesterday evening as they were short staffed. On the way back home, there was an accident.”

“Was she hurt?” I heard Marjorie say.

“I'm afraid she was. She was taken back to St Thomas's and operated on.”

“And how is she?” said Don, and I could hear the strain in his voice.

I took a deep breath. “They did everything they could do for her, everything, but, but, I'm afraid...”

“Oh my God,” gasped Don and I heard Marjorie cry out like a wounded animal, a terrible sound I've never forgotten.

“I'm so very, very sorry,” I said. “Kate was like a sister to me” Tears were starting to flow down my cheeks again.

“And Baby Kate, what's happened to her?” asked Don.

“She's fine. She was home with Ben. We met him at the hospital of course, and they are both here with us now.”

“I can't believe this,” I heard Don mutter, and then louder he said. “Thank you for calling us, Antonette, it couldn't have been easy for you.”

By now I was sobbing. “It's the worst thing that's ever happened, Don. I'm so very, very sorry.” I managed to pull myself together. “Do you want me to ring Gary and tell him?”

“What? No, no. It's very kind of you, but I'll ring him. He's going to be shattered. The two of them were very close.”

“Thank you, Don. I'll ring you again and tell you what is happening, but please ring me any time if you want to.”

There was really nothing more to say, so we both hung up.

I picked up the phone again and rang Miss Higgins. Neither of us could really contemplate dancing today after what had happened. She was very kind and understanding, and told us to take two days off if we needed. I thanked her and hung up.

When I walked back into the kitchen, Jack was cooking breakfast. He looked at me.

“I won't ask how it was,” he said. “That was so brave of you. I would hate to have done it.”

Just then, the spare bedroom door opened and Ben came out. His eyes were still red.

“I keep thinking it's a nightmare and I'll wake up and everything is alright,” he said. “But I know it's not.”

I walked up to him and gave him a hug. “You must stay with us as long as you like,” I said. Frankly, I was worried that if he was on his own, he might do something silly, and things were bad enough as they were. I explained that I had rung Kate's parents to let them know.

“I'm going to ask your parents if they can look after Baby Kate, at least for a few days,” I said.

“That's a great idea,” said Ben. “I was worrying what to do about her. Thank you for looking after her last night.”

“That's alright,” I said. “Would you like me to ring your Mum and Dad?”

“Do you mind?” said Ben. “I don't know if I could do it right now.”

“Of course,” I said, and went off to make another difficult phone call. Michael and Jennifer were shocked of course, and Jennifer, ever the practical one, asked what they could do to help.

“Well, Jack and I are taking today off, and Ben and young Kate are with us, but do you think you could look after her for a few days?” I asked.

“Of course we can. Would you like us to come over now?” she asked.

“If you can, that would be great,” I replied. “None of us have ever organised a funeral before and I'm not sure where to start.”

“I'm sure we can help you there; Michael's dad died a few years back, and the funeral parlour we used was very good. We'll get ready and see you in about an hour,” she said.

“Thank you so much, Jennifer, that gives me time to have the breakast Jack just cooked and have a shower. I slept in my clothes with baby Kate last night,” I replied. Suddenly I felt desperate for someone else to help me sort out this nightmare.

I walked back into the kitchen. Ben was sitting at the table, toying with his meal, but I felt ravenous and ready for breakfast.

“Your parents are coming over in an hour,” I said. “They'll be able to help us.”

I ate breakfast, had a quick shower and dressed. Then I persuaded Ben to have a shower too. Jack was about the same size as him, so was able to loan Ben some clothes. I hoped that these routines of normality would help Ben to cope, and it seemed to have some effect. My next job was to ring my parents and tell them what had happened. They were equally shocked and offered to do anything they could to help. I explained that Jennifer and Michael French were coming over, but I promised to contact them if there was anything they could do.

I fed and changed baby Kate again and five minutes after Ben reappeared, looking slightly better, there was a knock on the door and his parents arrived. They hurried up to him and Jennifer gave him a hug and so did his Dad. I was worried it would start him crying again, but somehow he held it together.

Just then the phone rang and I answered it. To my surprise it was Don in Australia.

“Hi Antonette,” he said. “Gary, Marjorie and I have decided to come over for Kate's funeral. I've phoned a couple of airlines and we've been able to get some tickets to leave this evening.”

“Well that's great,” I said, and then wondered if I'd said the wrong thing, but it was too late now. “Ben will appreciate your support so much.”

“We had some money left over after our last trip and we were going to come again in a year or two to see how young Kate was getting on, but this is more important now.”

“I'll let Ben and Jack's parents know. They're here now and I'm sure they'll want you to stay with them if you'd like to. Would you like me to ask them?”

“That would be very kind,” said Don. “We should arrive there sometime the day after tomorrow.”

I went into the kitchen and told them all what was happening.

“They must stay with us again,” said Jennifer. “Are they still on the phone? I'll ask them if you like.” She went off to talk to them, and was away for a while. When she returned she confirmed that the Whites would be staying with them. She was dabbing her eyes.

“The poor things. Kate was such a sweet girl. I can still hardly believe this has happened. Don gave me their flight number and arrival time, so Mike and I will go and pick them up from Heathrow and take them back to our place.”

I should mention that it is possible for organ recipients to write an anonymous letter of thanks to the family of the donor who have a choice whether or not they wish to receive it. Ben was pleased to receive four such letters, including from a young woman who received Kate's heart. “It gives me some peace of mind to know that her wonderful generous heart beats on,” he told me., and what could I do but hug him?

To be continued.

Next time: A farewell to Kate.

*note: The poem titled 'Stop All the Clocks' was written by W.H. Auden. Many people know it from the film 'Four Weddings and Funeral'

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Chapter 14   A farewell to Kate

Organising a funeral is no fun, but Jennifer and Michael's recent experience at least made it easier. They brought along a business card for Austin Brothers Funerals, and with Ben's permission, I called them. They asked where Kate's body was and said they would arrange to take her to their premises and deal with the paperwork.

While all this was happening, Ben sat at the kitchen table, looking stunned. I'm sure he still could not believe what had happened. Finally he spoke, very quietly..

“I'd like Kate to wear her wedding dress,” he said. 'It's strange; not so long ago Kate attended a funeral of one of the old charge nurses who she'd worked with at the hospital, and she said afterwards that apart from the nurses in their light blue uniforms, everyone else was in black dresses and dark grey suits. She said 'If I go first, I want you to promise me that the women will wear colourful dresses and the men, bright ties.' I thought it was strange at the time, but naturally I agreed with her.”

“Well, of course we will do what she asked,” I said. “Jennifer and I can go to pick up her wedding dress if you like.”

“Yes please. I don't think I could face doing that right now,” said Ben, and my heart went out to him.

I spoke to Jennifer privately and told her what Ben wanted. “Something else I need to ask you. Jack and I have tonight off but we have to perform again from tomorrow. Do you think you could start looking after Baby Kate then? It should be just for a few days until we can sort something out.”

“Of course. Ben can stay with us too if you like?” said Jennifer.

“I think that would be good,” I said. “I don't want to leave him on his own.” Jennifer nodded in understanding. She was a real star; I don't know what we would have done without her.

A short time afterwards, Jennifer and I went to Ben and Kate's flat. I wouldn't have wanted to go there on my own; not that I was scared, Kate was the sweetest person I ever met, and if her spirit had been there it would have done me no harm. No, it just seemed somehow that we were intruding, especially when we saw her dressing table with her makeup and hair brushes, just as she had left them.

We found her wedding dress hanging in the wardrobe, in a plastic cover to keep it free of dust, and after we took it down, we packed all of Baby Kate's clothes that we could find and then we went into the kitchen and found the baby formula and bottles. It was fortunate that she was now being weaned off breast milk. Between us, we managed to carry the baby cot outside and put it in the back of the car. After that, we left the flat and drove to the funeral parlour. There we saw the owner, Mr Albert Austin, a very nice man. We explained that we would like Kate to be dressed in her wedding dress and that her family were flying from Australia and would like to see her one last time.

“Of course,” he said “We have a young lady who is a very talented makeup artist who will make sure that she looks her best. Do you know where the service will be held yet, or is it too soon? Also we need to know what sort of a casket you would prefer.”

So many decisions to be made. We were ushered into a room where various caskets were displayed, and we both decided that a white one might be the best, but we had to speak to Ben first. The last thing we wanted was for him to think that we were sidelining him. As it turned out, he approved of our choice of white. The next decision was where to hold the service and how many people might turn up. I rang the hospital and spoke to the Director of Nursing, the person who used to be called 'Matron'. After expressing her condolences, she said that Kate being such a popular staff member, we could expect perhaps fifty staff to attend, depending on whether they were scheduled to work of course. I promised to get back to her with a date and time.

As we returned to our flat, Jennifer said “What about the church where Baby Kate was christened? The vicar seemed such a nice young man.”

“I think that would be perfect,” I replied, “But the decision must come from Ben.”

Much to my relief, when I tactfully approached the subject of a service to Ben, without prompting, he came out with the idea of going back to the Anglican church.

“Do you think the vicar would mind?” he asked. “We've only been back there once since Kate was christened.”

“I'm sure he won't mind, but I'll ring him if you like,” I said. As I predicted, the Rev Cole was most accommodating. He remembered Kate and Ben from the christening, and was shocked when I broke the news to him about her sudden passing.

“That's terrible!” he exclaimed. “I'm so sorry for all of you in her family.”

I explained about Kate's parents and brother flying over for the funeral, so we agreed that it should be scheduled for Friday, three days after they arrived, so that they would have a chance to get over jetlag.

“Do you think that Ben would like to come and see me to sort out the order of service, any favourite hymns, things like that?”

“I'll ask him, but he's still very shocked, so he might ask me and his brother to come instead.”

In the end, that's what we did. We decided on familiar hymns; 'The Lord is my Shepherd', “The Day Thou Gavest Lord is Ended', and 'Abide with Me'. The vicar asked if I could write a summary of Kate's life for him to read out, and I promised to do that. In addition I said I would like to say a few words, and Kate's brother Gary might like to as well. I asked if we could use the church hall for refreshments after the service and contacted the Women's Institute branch, the same ones who had catered for Kate and Ben's wedding. They were as shocked as everyone else, but agreed to provide sandwiches, cakes and tea and coffee.

Ben was agreeable to staying with his parents; I think he would have agreed to anything. Jack went with him to the flat to pick up some clothes to take to their parents' home. Afterwards he told me that Ben had nearly broken down when they walked into the bedroom and saw Kate's things.

“We didn't hang around, but Ben picked up Kate's hairbrush with a few strands of her hair still attached to it and put it in the suitcase with his clothes. I pretended not to see.”

We went to bed early that night. I felt totally exhausted.

The following morning we were up early for breakfast. All the arrangements seemed to be proceeding smoothly, and we felt obliged to return to the ballet for a rehearsal and to perform that evening. Miss Higgins was very kind and understanding.

“I know you may not greatly feel like performing at present, Antonette and I don't like asking you to, but we are professionals and sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside,” she said. She was right of course. Here I was playing the part of a girl who dies and then appears again as a ghost in the second part of the ballet, but people had bought tickets to see me and the others perform and I couldn't let them down – that old saying 'the show must go on.'.

“There's something I'd like to discuss with you. If you would like, we'd like to announce that a performance is dedicated to the memory of your sister-in-law. If that is too painful, then please say so. Do you think that your relatives, especially the overseas ones would like to see you perform? If so, I can arrange some tickets, gratis.”

“That is very kind of you Miss Higgins,” I replied. “I will certainly ask them.”

I really didn't know if they would feel like an evening at the ballet, and I was also doubtul about the subject matter of 'Giselle', but I could only ask them.

The afternoon of the day the Whites arrived from Australia, Jack and I went to his parents' house to greet them before we went to the theatre for the evening performance. It was so sad to see them again under such different circumstances. I had received word from the funeral parlour that we could organise a time with them to see Kate, and so we arranged it for the following morning. In many ways I didn't want to go as I knew it would be very upsetting for everyone, but her parents and brother wanted to see her for the last time, so I steeled myself for it. I also told them about Miss Higgins' offer of a performance of 'Giselle' dedicated to Kate's memory and seats for a performance. There was discussion about this, some saying they thought it would be disrespectful to Kate's memory to go to the theatre the day after her funeral, and some saying they thought it was the right thing to do.

Gary finally helped make the decision. “Instead of thinking about ourselves, let's think what Kate would like. She loved ballet and would have been thrilled to have a performance dedicated to her memory, so I say we go.” After that there was no more discussion.

The following morning, we all met at the funeral parlour. A young lady led us into a separate room which had soft music playing in the background. Kate lay in the casket in her wedding dress and I have to say that she looked so beautiful and as if she was asleep, with the faintest of smiles on her lips. You can imagine that the tears flowed as we each made our farewells.

I whispered to her 'Don't worry about Baby Kate, darling; we'll make sure she is well looked after and knows all about how her mummy loved her.'

We had decided that the casket would be closed for the funeral service, and a decision had also been made that it would be a cremation, with half Kate's ashes staying in England to be scattered at Ben's discretion, and the other half going back to Australia with her family to scatter there. Jack and I said we would pay for a memorial plaque to be placed on the wall in the church.

The day of the funeral arrived and we travelled early to the church. Gradually the mourners arrived, and as Kate had wished, the women wore bright dresses and the men suits but with colourful ties. Many nurses turned up in their blue uniforms. Rev Cole had told us that the church seated one hundred and fifty people, and my guess was that there was about one hundred there. Kate's white casket was already positioned before the altar. The organ was playing softly in the background.

Rev Cole appeared on the dot of eleven o'clock and announced the first hymn “The Lord is my Shepherd”. It was a lovely service. The vicar spoke about Kate from the notes I had given him, and Gary also spoke about his sister. I had discussed with him what I intended to say, and received his approval. When it was my turn to speak, I walked up to the lectern, carrying a white plastic bag, which must have puzzled the congregation.

I stood at the lectern, took a deep breath and began as follows:

“To start, I have a message for you from Kate herself. Kate had registered as an organ donor, something she was very passionate about, since, being a nurse she knew how badly organs are needed. As a result of her selfless act, I've been informed that five people will live better lives, and in them Kate herself lives on. If you haven't already done so, please register as an organ donor yourselves. We have arranged for application forms to be in the church vestibule as you leave.

“Kate was my dear friend for many years before she became my sister-in-law. I first met her when she was thirteen, and I was going out with her brother Gary, before they migrated to Australia. I was very upset at the time since Gary was my first boyfriend, (I'm telling you this with his permission), and the day before they flew away, while I was out with Gary, Kate and her Mummy visited my house because she had a special gift for me. It was Jemima, her favourite doll which I had admired during a visit to her house. Here is Jemima.”

I stooped and lifted Jemima out of the bag and sat her on the lectern. There was a gasp from the congregation.

“Isn't she beautiful?” I said. “I still don't know how a young girl could make me such a precious gift, but that was Kate. I never felt that I owned Jemima, she was just on loan, to live in my bedroom and watch over me. Many years later when Kate spent a year in England I offered to give her back, but Kate said no, I must keep her. Now I know there was a reason for that, although I didn't know it at the time”

Turning to the casket I said “Dear Kate, you have left us, but you have also left us a precious gift, your daughter, Baby Kate. When she is old enough to understand, I will give her Jemima and tell her that she is a gift from her Mummy, with love, to keep for ever. You asked Jack and I to be her godparents, and in this very church we solemnly promised to look after her. You can be sure that we will keep that promise. Farewell, sweet Kate. May flights of angels guide thee to thy rest.”

I picked up Jemima and walked to the casket, where I bent down to kiss it, before returning to my seat. I had kept my composure during my talk, but now I found myself shaking, and Jack grasped my hand and squeezed.it “Well done” he whispered.

The service continued and finally concluded with the hymn 'Abide with Me', when the funeral staff walked up to the casket and wheeled it slowly down the central aisle. Ben followed and Mr and Mrs White and Gary walked with him, Jack and I followed, then my parents and sisters, and behind us the congregation slowly filed out, and then lined the sides of the church driveway. We had organised a piper and he played the lament 'The Flowers of the Forest' as, with its precious cargo aboard, the hearse slowly pulled away, with Rev Cole and Mr Austin walking before it down the driveway as far as the road.

Since there was no burial, we and the rest of the mourners walked into the church hall, where the WI ladies were ready to serve tea and coffee. It's a strange thing that we never know just how many people someone who is deceased knows, until the final rituals of farewell are held. Many people came up to us as the chief mourners and expressed their condolences or had some reminiscence of Kate and how she had touched their lives. If a funeral can be said to be wonderful, then this one was. Kate couldn't have had a better send-off.

The following evening, while Jack and I were in our dressing rooms preparing for the evening's performance, the two families arrived at the theatre and handed in Miss Higgins' signed note at the box office. They were all nicely dressed, which was just as well, as an usher arrived and led them up several flights of stairs until they arrived at a door that said 'Royal Box' Jeanette told me all this at supper after the performance.

“I thought there was a mistake,” she said, “But no, we were ushered inside and took our seats, and we were even offered complimentary champagne. We really did feel like royalty.”

At the start of the performance when the houselights half-dimmed, after the announcer said the usual things about not taking photos or recordings, he continued as follows:

“Tonight's performance is dedicated to the memory of Mrs Kate French who passed away recently. She was the sister-in-law of tonight's principal dancers, Miss Antonette du Pré and Mr Jack French. We are privileged to welcome members of Mrs French's family to be present at tonight's performance.”

“I couldn't believe it – the audience applauded,” said Jeanette to me later. “Somehow they seemed to know that that was us in the Royal Box.” Then the lights fully dimmed, the orchestra conductor appeared and the overture began.

“I noticed the audience actually applauded you and Jack when you first appeared onstage,” Jeanette commented at supper. I felt a little embarrassed.

“They seem to know us now,” I replied.

“It was well deserved,” she said. “I've seen a lot of ballet, and you are up there with the best. I felt like standing up and shouting 'That's my sister!' “

“I'm glad you didn't – I would have been so embarrassed,” I said to general laughter, the first I'd heard in days. “Actually, I've never felt so inspired as I was this evening. It was almost as if Kate was there in spirit, encouraging me to give of my very best.”

“I felt the same way,” said Jack. “It was an amazing feeling.”

That seemed to call for a toast “To Kate!”

While it was nice to have a performance dedicate to Kate, I felt that there should be something more dedicated to her memory. I remembered that a friend of hers, an older nurse at the hospital had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and died soon afterwards. Kate had said to me “It's a horrible disease. The symptoms are so vague that it often isn't diagnosed until it's too late to do something about it. There is research of course but if they had more money they could do more. I'd like to do something to help the researchers.” That had stuck in my mind, and now that Kate couldn't do anything to help, I felt that it would be a good thing to do in her memory. Jack agreed with me. Perhaps the fact that neither of us would ever suffer from the disease made us even more determined to do something to help.

We founded the 'Kate French Memorial Fund for Ovarian Cancer Research', and set about raising money for it. We even persuaded Miss Higgins to back our idea of a significant donation from one of our ballet performances in each production where we starred. We collaborated with the 'White Tutu Ballet School to run a series of short introductory lessons for adults who had always wanted to try their hand at ballet, and were pleasantly surprised at the response we received. It was a great day when we were able to hand over the first substantial cheque to one of the institutes specialising in ovarian cancer research.

To be continued

Next time: Time passes

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Chapter 15   Time passes

About a week after her mother's funeral, we all got together at Jennifer and Michael French's home to discuss Kate's future. While Ben was anxious to spend as much time as possible with her, he also needed to go back to work. His mother, Jennifer spoke up first.

“Michael and I have discussed Kate's upbringing. As you know, Ben, we feel that we did a reasonable job of bringing up you and your brother, even though that was some time ago. To be honest with you, I always hoped to have a daughter too, but it didn't happen. Well now I have a granddaughter, and since Mike and I are now retired, we are happy and indeed would love to look after her on a day-to-day basis, while not in anyway taking over from you as her father. Maybe you need time to think about that?”

“No, Mum; I am very happy to accept your offer,” said Ben, and the look of relief on his face was obvious. “I was thinking that I might have to put her is some sort of creche while I went to work, and I really didn't like the idea at all.”

I was the next to speak. “Ben, we want to do everything we can to help with Kate's upbringing, while not in any way interfering with your decisions as her father. Perhaps we can make a financial contribution to her upbringing? We'd be very happy to do that and anything else you think we can do to help, like babysitting from time to time.”

“Please include us in helping financially,” said Marjorie White. She was after all, Kate's other grandmother. “We'll be too far away to do much else, but perhaps when she is grown up enough, she can come to Australia to see us.”

I could see tears glistening in Ben's eyes. “Thank you all so very, very much. I must confess I've been thinking about Kate's future and how I could cope as a single father as well as earn money to keep us both, and this really solves all my problems.”

“There's no need to thank us, son,” said Michael. “It will be our privilege and pleasure to do all we can for you and our granddaughter.”

“Hear, Hear!” was the general response.

Four years passed by. At the end of the third one, Dame Monique retired from her position as 'prima ballerina' in the company and I was appointed to replace her. It did not come as a complete surprise since Dame Monique herself told me I was in the running. I would have been content to be a principal dancer, but I did feel the same responsibility to the Company that Dame Monique had, and perhaps that is why I was chosen. As she had indicated to me, she still appeared in 'character' roles and I can tell you that I was acutely aware of her eyes on me especially when I was performing a solo! That said, she was always very complimentary.

Meanwhile, young Kate was growing up into a very pretty little girl. You may wonder why she was always called Kate when her full name was Angela Kate? Just one look at her made the reason obvious – she was the image of her late mother almost from the moment that she was born.

Because of young Kate, Ben continued to live with his parents. He was a wonderful father, but having them look after her while he went to work was the perfect solution. Evenings and weekends, he spent all his time with her, and nothing was ever a chore for him. As little Kate grew older I think he saw more and more of her mother in her, and I knew he still mourned for her. I worried about him. Even when he was smiling, I could see the pain still there in his eyes, and it took a long time to fade. An adult living with his parents doesn't have many opportunities for a close relationship with another adult, but that didn't seem to bother Ben. I don't think he ever expected to meet anyone as good as Kate again.

The years were very happy ones for Jack and me. We were quite well paid for doing something that we loved, so what's not to like about that? The sorrow that we felt about the death of Kate gradually eased as time went by. Her daughter Kate now being five was due to start school. This is where I stepped in with a suggestion to Ben. I told him that I had been very happy at Marion Ladies' College. You may recall that I had been fortunate to be accepted there when as a transgender teenager, it was difficult to find somewhere that would accept me. It was a private school, so fees had to be paid, but I assured Ben that Jack and I would be only too happy to defray all costs if he would like her to go there.

“I will trust your judgment,” he said. “Will I need to go for an interview?”

“I'm not sure,” I replied, “But as I'm an 'old girl' of the college, I'm sure that will count for something. I also discovered that my old headmistress, Miss Vera Nightingale is still there, although she will retire at the end of the year. I'm sure she still remembers me; she has a phenomenal memory.” I didn't mention about my picture on the wall as a 'notable old girl' as that would have seemed like boasting.

I made an appointment to see her, taking Kate along looking gorgeous in a very pretty dress. I went in to see Miss Nightingale first while Kate played with some dolls her secretary thoughtfully provided. I told Miss Nightingale about Kate and why I was there representing her father.

“I believe that she's a bright little girl,” I said. “I'm sure every parent tells you that about their children, but I really believe that she would benefit from attending this college; I know I did.”

Then I was invited to bring Kate in to meet Miss Nightingale, and she was very polite and said “How do you do, Miss Nightingale?” I saw Miss Nightingale's eyebrows rise slightly; not every little girl addressed her that way I'm sure. She skillfully interviewed Kate without making it obvious that was what she was doing, asking her a number of questions and seemingly pleased with her answers. At he conclusion, she said “Well, Kate, I hope you are going to enjoy coming to school at Marion College.” It seemed she had passed the test. I can tell you that Kate loved her time at Marion College, from the time she arrived as a five-year-old, to the time she finally left when she was School Captain.

I recall an amusing incident which happened that year. I've previously mentioned that the Company staged a season of 'The Nutcracker' ballet every Christmas, and some of the matinees were especially adapted for children, with a narrator to introduce each scene and the principal characters in it.

Kate's grandparents took her to one of these special performances. The theatre was full of little girls in their tutus, Kate included. I don't think there were any little boys, or if there were they were greatly outnumbered. I was playing the part of Clara's older sister Louise who appears with her boyfriend James (played by Jack) in the first act. Kal McBride played the Mouse King, and Charlotte de Tomas played the Dewdrop Fairy. As we were introduced to the audience, a young voice I knew well called out “Hello, Aunty Nette. Uncle Jack.” There was amused laughter from the audience. I think we all love how uninhibited young children are. I walked to the apron of the stage and called down “Hello Kate.” and followed up by saying to the audience “My husband Jack and I are Kate's godparents, and this is her first trip to the ballet.” Everyone applauded. I saw Kate's grandparents whispering to her and I think they must have told her it's not polite to talk during ballet, because I heard nothing more from her for the rest of the performance.

In the second act where Clara and the Nutcracker are taken in her dreams to the Garden of Delights, Jack and I appeared again, but this time as the Sugar Plum Fairy and her Cavalier. I performed the famous solo dance and also the beautiful pas de deux with Jack. The audience loves this ballet with its glorious music, and we received a standing ovation at the conclusion. Afterwards, once we had changed, we had tea with Jennifer, Michael and young Kate in a local cafe, before we returned to the theatre for the evening performance.

“Well, Kate, did you enjoy the ballet?” I asked her.

“Oh yes! I'm going to be a ballet dancer like you,” replied Kate.

“She's old enough to join the youngsters at a ballet school if she wants to,” I said to Jennifer and Michael. “Of course we will have to see what Ben says first. Meanwhile I'll find a recommended ballet school.”

I know that many little girls want to be ballet dancers, entranced by the colour, movement and music they see on stage, and knowing nothing of the hard work behind it. Only a tiny proportion actually go on to become professional dancers, but five isn't too young to start, and it is good exercise. Ben was happy for Kate to begin dancing, and I decided on the 'White Tutu Ballet School', still run by Giselle du Plessis, a retired dancer from the Company, where I had had my start. She still knew me of course, and said she had been following my career with interest.

“I read in the paper that you have been appointed 'Prima Ballerina' of the Company. That's a first for a graduate of my school,” she said. “Mind you, I could see your talent as soon as you came here.” I know I blushed. Some things never change.

She promised to teach Kate the basics, and I promised that I would not interfere; I didn't have time anyway.. Her pupils ranged in age from five to mid teens, and she had two other ex-professional dancers to assist her.

“We still have an annual ballet show in which all the pupils take part. If you have time, I'd love you to attend. I can usually see some girls and boys with potential even when they are quite young, and I'd love your opinion,” she said.

Both Jack and I were well versed in spotting talent, as we were among the principals who provided tuition at the annual Summer School.

During this period, the ballet had a short tour of western Russia, and I crossed an item off my 'bucket list', when I danced on the stage of the Bolshoi Theatre in Moscow, in a season of 'Romeo and Juliet' with Jack. We had been told that we didn't need to bring along our own makeup artists and hairdressers, as the theatre had their own staff, and it was clear that the management felt that no import would be as good. So, as their guests, we went along with it, and to be honest they are excellent, as is their orchestra and all the backstage staff. We performed on the huge historic main stage. The dressing rooms are very close to the stage – in fact I could see it by looking out of the door, through the wings. This is the actual stage where Swan Lake premiered back in 1877.

We also performed in St Petersberg's Mariinsky theatre to great acclaim. Russian audiences are very knowledgeable about ballet, so it was pleasing to hear their enthusiastic applause after each performance and know that we had met their expectations. There was a review in 'Pravda', which we couldn't read of course. It was headed by a picture of Jack and me during the bedroom pas de deux. Igor, our minder translated it for us, and it was very complimentary.

None of us spoke Russian, a notoriously difficult language to learn, which is why we had a couple of bilingual 'minders' with us to smooth our paths. To further complicate things, the language is written in Cyrillic characters which are quite foreign to us. I did learn a few words as I find that this is always appreciated when you are in a foreign country. The main words I learned were: da (yes), nyet (no), pozhalusta (please), spaslbo (thank you) privet (hello). do svidaniya (goodbye). It's surprising how far you can go with just those few words. It's also fortunate that English is such a universal language, and we met a number of Russians who were only too ready to try out their English on us.

When we returned to England, Mummy informed me that our tour had been reported in some of the English newspapers and hailed as a great success, and she had cut out every article to go into my scrap books, a habit I first learned from Harriet Stow.

I haven't mentioned Harriet for a while. Since she spent a lot of time performing in Stratford, and I was based in London, we didn't get many chances to catch up, but when we did it was always a great pleasure to compare notes. Harriet was very kind and complimentary about my success in the ballet.

“Who knows, you may become a Dame yourself one day,” she said which made me blush of course and protest that it was very unlikely.

“Your predecessor did, and you are doing much the same things as her. I did manage to come down and see you in 'Romeo and Juliet' at a matinee, and then travel back to Stratford for an evening performance of the play I was in,” she said. “I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to catch up with you on that occasion. It is very interesting to me to see the story played out without a word being spoken, but all the drama and emotion was still there. You are an excellent actor as well as a dancer.”

“I find that the music carries me along,” I said. “It would be impossible not to get emotional with such heart-rending melodies, but it's necessary to keep my emotions in check. You would know that of course.”.

Harriet smiled. “Many's the time I shed real tears during the final scene of 'Romeo and Juliet'. It's my one regret that I'm now too old to play the part.”

One thing I learned about becoming moderately well known is that it's possible to get in an awkward situation through no fault of your own. It was approaching Christmas and Miss du Plessis had contacted me to ask if I could come along to the annual performance of the White Tutu Ballet School. It was an afternoon when I didn't have a matinee performance so I agreed. I also agreed that as a 'celebrity guest', I would hand out prizes. How easy it is to get oneself too involved.

It was an entertaining show, and reminded me of when I, as a teenager, had to lead the tiny tots in their tutus and wands around the stage, trying to make sure they all went in the same direction and didn't bump into each other. Now another teenager was doing exactly the same thing. I also watched out for emerging talent and made some surreptitious notes about a couple of the girls and one boy who seemed to have potential. At the conclusion of the concert, Miss du Plessis came up on the stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I do hope you enjoyed the show. We have some prizes to present and I am thrilled to have a guest presenter today whom many of you will know, Miss Antonette du Pré, Prima Ballerina of the Imperial Ballet Company, and, I'm proud to say, a former pupil of this ballet school.”

There was applause as I walked onto the stage. I had really dressed up in anticipation, with a glamorous frock and heels, with my hair in a chignon, looking, I hope, every inch a star. Harriet had told me years previously that when you become well known, you must look the part whenever you are out amongst the public because they expect it. There was applause and then Miss du Plessis handed me the various prizes which I in turn handed to the dancers together with a 'Well done' or similar. All well and good, but then afterwards things got a little awkward, although I'm sure Miss du Plessis meant no harm.

'Antonette, I believe you are currently dancing in a ballet?” she asked.

“Yes, that's right, 'The Nutcracker',” I replied. “Our annual Christmas show.”

“That's a wonderful introduction to ballet for children isn't it, and what part are you playing?”

“I'm dancing the Sugar Plum Fairy.”

“That's a wonderful part. I do hope you get many people coming along to see you perform. I believe there are special matinees for young people with a narrator to tell the story?”

Oh dear, it was starting to sound like a setup to spruik the ballet to a captive audience.

“Yes, that's right. In fact I'll have to ask you to excuse me soon, as I have to go to the theatre now to get ready for tonight's performance,” I said, trying to bring the conversation to a close.

“Of course,” she said. “Ballet is hard work; we must never forget that. Well thank you so much for coming to our show today Antonette, and presenting the prizes. Now we have a little presentation for you.”

At this point, one of the older girls appeared from the wings carry a nice bouquet of flowers. She curtsied very prettily as she presented them to me, and I thanked her most sincerely. That concluded events, but I left with a nagging feeling that some of the parents would be saying to each other . “All that du Pré woman could do was flog tickets for the ballet she's in.” Well if they did, there was nothing I could do about it, but I made a mental note not to be available for the following year's performance.

I did take the precaution of telling Miss Higgins what had happened, and she thanked me, saying that in the unlikely event of someone ringing up to complain, she knew what to say to them.

The following day, I had a phone call from Miss du Plessis.

“Hello, Antonette. I'd like to thank you again for coming to our performance and handing out the prizes, but I thought you looked a little upset when we were chatting after the presentation?”

“Not at all, Miss du Plessis,” I replied. “I was just a little concerned that the parents might have thought I was just there to promote our season of 'The Nutcracker'. While I do believe it's an excellent work to introduce children to ballet, it's not really my job to try and sell tickets for it.”

“I understand, and if any of the parents say anything, and I don't think they will, I will explain that it was just something that came up in our conversation, and it wasn't planned at all.”

“Thank you for that, Miss du Plessis,” I said and concluded our conversation by wishing her a Merry Christmas. I never heard any more about it and perhaps I was over-reacting, but it made me realise how careful I would have to be now that I was getting well known.

To be continued.

Next time: Coppélia

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Chapter 16   Coppélia and an unwelcome revelation

The first ballet of the New Year's season was to be 'Coppélia', with music by Léo Delibes, parts of which are very well known. The choreography was by Arthur Saint-Léon and revised by Marius Petipa and Enrico Cecchetti. It's amazing how often Petipa's name crops up in choreography of classical ballets. Born in Marseilles, in 1818 to a father who was also a dancer, he was originally a dancer as well as later becoming a choreographer, and performed in France and later St Petersberg where his double career continued. Although he died in 1910, you will still find his name mentioned in association with almost all the classical ballets.

The story of the ballet is as follows: It opens in a village square in Gallicia where the villagers are preparing for the harvest festival. The mysterious Dr Coppelius lives in a house on the square with a life-size doll he calls Coppélia. and refers to as his daughter. She causes an argument between Swanilda and her fiancé Franz, when he sees Coppelia on the balcony and becomes entranced by her. Neither Swanilda nor Franz realise she is a doll.

In the second act, Swanilda and friends enter Dr Coppélius's house when he is out find Coppélia and realise it is just a doll. The doctor returns and chases them all out except Swanilda who hides. Franz climbs up to the balcony to get a closer look at Coppélia and the doctor attempts to steal his spirit to use to make Coppélia a living person. Meanwhile Swanilda has dressed as Coppélia and appears, fooling the doctor into thinking the doll has really come alive. She rescues Franz and they both escape. After they have left, Dr Coppélius finds the lifeless doll, realises he has been tricked, and is broken-hearted.

The final act takes place outside the village church where all the couples gather to get married, among then Swanilda and Franz. Dr Coppélius arrives and demands compensation for damage to his doll. This is given and the villagers celebrate the weddings by dancing.

I played the part of Swanilda, Jack played Franz, Charlotte de Tomas played Coppélia, and Alfredo Ashton played Dr Coppélius. There are a number of other minor parts and the corps played the villagers.

The season had already started and was a great success, when one morning, upon Jack and me arriving for the usual class and rehearsal, I was asked to go immediately to Miss Higgins's office. I was rather surprised as I didn't know of any problems, but I went there as quickly as I could. She greeted me with a smile which seemed to be a good sign, and asked me to sit down.

“Antonette, have you seen today's 'Daily Planet'?” She asked. Newspaper usually come in one of two sizes, 'tabloid' or the larger 'broadsheet'. The 'Daily Planet' (not its real name) was a tabloid, and in Britain this has another meaning as a paper which specialises in gossip.

“No, I never read it,” I replied.

“I thought not, but I'm sorry to say that you feature on the front page of today's edition,” she said, and turning over the paper on her desk, showed it to me.

I was shocked. The front page in huge black letters said 'STAR BALLERINA BORN A BOY' and to make it worse, there was a picture of me dancing with Jack. The actual article was quite short and read:

It's been revealed that Antonette French, Prima Ballerina of the Imperial Ballet Company who dances under the name Antonette de Pré, was born Anthony Burton. Originally a prize-winning gymnast, Anthony changed to ballet at the same time as undergoing gender transition. As Antonette, she joined the Imperial Ballet Company and rose through the ranks to be appointed their star dancer. Asked for a comment, a spokesperson for the Ballet said that a person's past was of no consequence so long as they are able to perform well, and Miss du Pré, who is married to a principal male dancer at the Company, Jack French, is one of the best dancers in England.

As I finished reading the article, I felt the room starting to spin around me, and Miss Higgins rose quickly from her chair, hurried to me, and put her arm around my shoulders.

“Put your head between your knees and take slow deep breaths, Anotonette,” she said.

After a few minutes I felt better, although I'm sure I looked terrible.

“Why?” I asked.

“That's what I said to the young reporter who spoke to me,” said Miss Higgins. “What possible good could come out of this revelation? He asked if I already knew and of course I said 'yes, and it makes no difference to your dancing'. I didn't tell him that you are married to Jack by the way, I know that's how it reads. I don't know where the information came from, and I begged him not to publish the story but he insisted it was his editor's instructions he was following. Then I said 'How would you feel if the paper published a banner headline saying you were sleeping with your best friends wife?' and he replied 'How did ...?' before stopping abruptly. It seems I struck a nerve there”

She paused, and I looked up. “I will hand in my resignation immediately,” I said, almost in a whisper. Miss Higgins' reply surprised me.

“Why would you do that, Antonette?” she replied.

“Because I care about the Company, and if I stay here there'll be a follow-up story that the Ballet is running a drag show.”

“Well, Antonette, if you offer your resignation, I shall refuse to accept it, but in offering it you go up even higher in my estimation, if that is possible. Since this happened yesterday, I have discussed it with the Executive Committee of course, and they are one hundred percent in support of you. I don't think I've ever told you that my brother is a reporter – not for the 'Planet' of course. He told me it is one of those stories that makes a big splash one day and it gone the next, while a new sensation takes its place. Besides, I doubt if many of the Planet's readers are interested in ballet, and probably have never heard of you. That is their loss. Now why don't you find Jack and tell him what has happened, then have a cup of coffee and go down to the rehearsal room?”

“Thank you, Miss Higgins,” I said “I am forever in your debt.”

Jack was furious when he heard about the article. “I always thought it was a gutter rag, and this proves it,” he said. "I've a good mind to ring them up and tell them what I think of them."

"Please don't, Jack," I said. "That would be really playing into their hands and there would be another banner headline tomorrow."

"I suppose you're right," he replied, but I've never seen him look so angry.

We did what Miss Higgins suggested, had a cup of coffee,and after that I felt a lot better. Everyone at the Company was very nice to me, which helped me recover.

The next thing I had to face was that evening's performance. How would the audience react? Would they boo me off the stage? The makeup artists, dressers and hairdressers reassured me, but I confess, I found it hard to stop myself from shaking as I counted down the seconds to my first appearance. It is common practice for the principal dancers to receive brief applause at their first entrance, but as I appeared, the audience started to applaud, and it was thunderous applause and didn't stop for at least thirty seconds. I was stunned; tears in my eyes (thank goodness for waterproof mascara), and not really knowing what to do. I gave them a deep ballerina curtsy in acknowledgment of their spontaneous show of support and then another one. I even broke the first rule of ballet and spoke, saying "Thank you! Thank you so much!" over and over, although I doubt that anyone could hear me. The orchestra conductor, Benjamin Boult actually stopped the orchestra to wait for the applause to die down, and then said just loud enough for me and the orchestra to hear 'Da capo', meaning that he would start again from my entrance..

After that amazing vote of confidence from the only people who really matter – the audience, I'm sure I gave the performance of my life, and at the final curtain, the applause seemed to go on for ever. Even the rest of the cast were clapping as we took curtain call after curtain call, It must have been about a dozen, to a standing ovation. After the curtain finally came down, I went around and hugged everyone and thanked them for their support.

“I was so proud of you,” said Jack as he hugged me in the taxi home from the theatre.

“I'm so glad that I found the strength to go on this evening,” I said. “And I know I got it from my wonderful husband.”

I told the story to Harriet when we met some months later.

“Something similar happened to me when one of those gutter rags exposed me,” she said. “I'm proud of you for sticking it out and refusing to resign.” I didn't say anything but perhaps my burning cheeks gave me away. If they did, she made no comment.

To be continued.

Next time: Hello Dolly

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Chapter 17   Hello Dolly

Time passed by and the years were very happy ones for Jack and me. One year the Ballet travelled to America where we had the great pleasure of performing Swan Lake in the New York State Theater at the Lincoln Center in New York, a magnificent modern complex. The theatre seats over 2500 people and is one of thirty indoor and outdoor performing areas in the Center (I am deliberately using the American spelling). We had a week of performances with almost full houses.

We next moved to the Boston Opera House, a magnificent building seating 2600 people, which originally opened in 1928 as a cinema. It is now home to the Boston Ballet and we were privileged to perform there. Our final week was at the John F Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington D.C. The theatre we used seats 2300 people. Ticket sales for all three venues was very good and the tour was acknowledged as a great success.

Another year we visited Australia and New Zealand, and as a bonus for Jack and me, we were able to catch up with the Whites in Melbourne, Kate's grandparents, and also Gary and Wendy who came from Parkes to see us perform in Sydney. They were keen to know news of young Kate, even though we wrote to them regularly and sent them pictures. It was always a delight for us to visit young Kate who was growing up to be a very pretty young girl. She loved her dancing at the ballet school which of course was a great delight to me, although I took care to never mention the possibility of her following in her godparents' footsteps. That was her decision to make and I didn't want to put pressure on one so young.

Kate sometimes asked me about her mother, who had died when she was much too young to remember her, so I would tell her how Kate and I had met when we were teenagers and had been friends from then on, even when she moved to Australia, which I had to explain was a very long way away. I also told her what a lovely person her mother was and how her Daddy was still very sad that she was no longer here on earth to look after Kate, but that her grandparents were lovely people for offering to look after her while her Daddy went to work.

Christmas was approaching, and with it our annual presentation of 'The Nutcracker'. In the first scene which takes place at a Christmas Eve party in the home of Clara's parents – the little girl who receives the Nutcracker doll, there is a party and many other children are present. It is customary to approach the local ballet schools and ask if they have children both boys and girls, in the seven to twelve age group, who would like to take part in this scene.

Because of restrictions on the frequency of times young children can perform on the professional stage, we needed a lot more children than would appear at any one performance. I knew that the White Tutu Ballet School was one of those which usually provided some of the children and it took all my self-control not to ring Miss du Plessis and suggest that Kate might be old enough to participate. I had seen her dancing and knew that she was making good progress, although as a young child she was not yet allowed to dance 'en pointe'. You can imagine my delight when I was informed that Kate was one of the chosen children, and I was able to truthfully say that I had had nothing to do with her being selected.

On the first day of rehearsals, about fifty excited children arrived in their leotards at the ballet school's rehearsal rooms, Kate amongst them. I had already cautioned her that she should not recognise me or Jack in case it made the other children jealous that she was related to two of the stars of the ballet. Children can be cruel, and I was worried that far from being impressed, they might accuse her of getting preferential treatment.

The dances the children were to do consisted of holding hands and dancing in circles, and also then breaking up into pairs to dance as well as dancing with some of the adult guests and all this to the wonderful music of Tchaikovsky. There was quite a lot to learn, which is why only the most talented pupils from the various ballet schools were invited to perform. I took notice of the frown of concentration on Kate's face as she listened to all the instructions of the choreographer and Miss Higgins. She was determined to get it right.

Finally the day of the first dress rehearsal at the theatre arrived. The younger children performed a more limited rôle than the older children, but as Jack and I also appeared in this first scene, as Clara's older sister Louise and her boyfriend, I was able to watch Kate dancing and the look of joy on her face was something to behold. Now they were in costume, the girls wore calf-length muslin dresses with blue sashes, and the boys were in satin knickerbockers and a fancy embroidered jacket. I'm sure they all thought they looked very smart, and indeed they did. While they were too young to dance 'en pointe', all the dancers wore ballet shoes. With their parents' permission, they were allowed to watch the second act from the wings and appear at the curtain call at the end of the perfomance. This meant staying up rather late, which is why we had a rota of performers.

As usual, the season went very well, with full houses. I think some of the audience members attended a performance every year, and I can understand why; it truly is a wonderful ballet to introduce the Christmas season. Naturally all of our families attended to see Kate as well as her godparents perform.

With the arrival of the sixth anniversary of the tragic death of Kate, Ben's wife and my dearest friend, I found myself worrying again about Ben, and wondered if he would ever marry again. I am not saying that he lived the life of a hermit. Ben is almost as handsome as my darling Jack, and a year or two following Kate's death, he moved from his parent's home into a flat of his own, and I'm sure there were plenty of women who were only too happy to share his bed, but none of these relationships ever lasted. I had no doubt in my mind why this was; in each case they had been weighed in the balance against Ben's memories of Kate, and been found wanting. The fact that Ben had a seven-year-old daughter who would make any prospective bride an instant stepmother probably didn't work in his favour either., but that was too bad – they came as a package.

I suppose you could say that it was my good fortune to be a very happily married woman; that made me want to see Ben settle down again into a good relationship. Some people might call me a interfering busybody, but I prefer the former reason. It suddenly struck me one day that Lucie Manet, one of the other principal dancers with the Company, might be perfect for Ben, but there was a problem – they had never met, and in the normal way of things perhaps they never would, unless somehow this could be engineered.

Lucie had recently gone through a rather unfortunate breakup. For some years she had been in a relationship with a man called Brian who was married but had split with his wife. Because he was Roman Catholic he could not get a divorce. As far as Lucie was concerned she felt they had a very good relationship, although the fact that they could never marry was a constant source of irritation to her..

One evening we were performing Cinderella, with me in the title rôle and her as one of the ugly sisters, which I felt was very ironic because she is a very pretty woman , but it is amazing what our makeup artists can do. Partway through the first act, she developed severe stomach cramps and knew that she couldn't go on performing, so she moved over to the wings where the Assistant Stage Manager was standing and urgently told him to get her understudy dressed and made up to replace her.

Understudies don't often put on costumes before a performance since if called upon to perform, they usually have plenty of notice. In this case Erin, the understudy and the dressers and makeup artists performed a small miracle and she was ready in just over five minutes to arrive in the wings to replace Lucie. Once more, Lucie moved to the wings and out of sight and Erin came on stage in her place. She didn't miss a beat and I'm sure that none of the audiences was aware of the change of cast. I knew that something was wrong because when Lucie first went over to the wings it was not part of her performance. I don't know how she hung on as long as she did, but then she is a true professional.

Back in the dressing room, a doctor was called in to treat her. (The old story about a performance being stopped while someone comes on stage and dramatically calls out 'Is there a doctor in the house?' almost never happens.). Anyway, he diagnosed an acute Staph gastroenteritis, gave her an antibiotic injection and suggested plenty of fluids and rest. After a while Lucie felt better and a taxi was organised to take her home, and that's when things got really bad. Later she told me what happened.

“As I closed the front door of the flat I heard a squeak from the bedroom and when I opened the door, Brian was in bed with his best friend's wife. At that point I very nearly did collapse. Men are such liars, but they're not even good at it. He gave me some story about how he didn't know how it had happened, and it had never happened before, and never would again. I didn't believe a word of it of course. I told them they had five minutes to get dressed and out of the flat. Brian I told to come back in the morning for his things and to leave the key because I would be out..To give him his due, that's what he did but not before ringing me to plead for forgiveness, but there are some things you just can't forgive.”

The breakup had happened six months previously, and it occurred to me that perhaps she could be persuaded to meet another man.

“I really don't think I could trust another man,” she said. “I trusted Brian and look what happened?”

“Well this one you could trust, I am sure of that. His name is Ben and he happens to be my brother-in-law.”

“Ben,” she said. “Didn't his wife die in an accident?”

“Yes, it was six years ago. I had better tell you now, that he has a seven year-old daughter who, like his late wife, is called Kate.”

“Well I can assure you that would not put me off him as I have often thought I would love to have a daughter myself, and to acquire one without all the trouble of having to give birth to her and then nurture her would be quite an advantage!”

I must confess I had never thought of it in that way before, but in some ways I supposed she was right, especially for someone who is a ballerina. I remembered Mariette from the Ballet who had prematurely retired after, I presume, accidentally becoming pregnant.

“So tell me, who looks after Kate now? I presume Ben is still working?”

“Yes, he is an accountant. His parents took over raising Kate after her mother died, but Ben is a great father and spends a lot of time with his little girl.”

“The more you tell me, the more interesting he sounds. Tell me, is he as handsome as his brother?”

I laughed. “Nearly,” I replied.

“So how do you propose to engineer this meeting between us?”

“It could happen next Sunday if you like. I'd really like you to teach me to knit. If you came to our flat then we could have lunch too. Ben is quite a good amateur footballer and he's playing in his club's final Sunday afternoon. Jack loves football but he can't play for fear of injury, so Ben will be coming around to pick him up to watch the match, and if you are there, I'll arrange to give you five minutes on your own with him. How does that sound?”

Lucie grinned. “It sounds like you are a real match-maker – do you make a habit of this?” I blushed as she laughed. “I'm getting more and more interested to meet 'Mr Wonderful',” she said.

I had to let Jack in on my plans of course as he had to co-operate. “So you're playing Dolly Levi are you?” he laughed.

“Don't you start!” I pretended to growl.

Sunday morning came and Lucie, who had dressed up a little in a very pretty dress, stockings and heels – not overdone you understand, but just enough to knock the average red-blooded male for six, arrived on time.

“You should have warned me,” I said. “I'm going to look like a dowdy old housewife next to you!”

“You, dowdy?” she laughed. “Never!”

The arrangement was that when Ben knocked on the door, Jack would hide in our bedroom, apparently getting ready. When Ben arrived I showed him into the living room, where Lucie and I had our knitting laid out, since she really was teaching me. Many of the other dancers knit while waiting to go onstage and I wanted something to pass the time as well.

“Ben. This is Lucie, one of the principal dancers at the Ballet. You've probably seen her perform when you've brought Kate to see the ballet? Lucie's teaching me to knit.”

Ben gave a good impression of being stunned at the sight of Lucie. If he'd been a cartoon character, his eyes would have been out of his head on stalks.

“Err, pleased to meet you, Lucie. Yes, I'm sure I've seen you dancing.”

It was patently obvious that he didn't remember her, but he was desperate to say the right thing. For that I might forgive him since we all look different with stage makeup on and wearing our costumes.

“Lucie is dancing the part of Dewdrop in 'The Waltz of the Flowers' in 'The Nutcracker',” I said helpfully.

Ben's face brightened. I think he actually half-remembered her. “Oh yes. You were excellent,” he said. Lucie thanked him, and at this point I made my move.

“I don't know what is keeping Jack,” I said. “If you'll excuse me, I'll go and chase him up.” With that I left the room. When I entered the bedroom, Jack said “How's it going?”

“Very well I think. Now we can only give them five minutes or Ben will smell a rat.” I glanced at my watch.

When the time was up, we walked out of the bedroom and were very pleased to hear animated conversation coming from the lounge room before we entered it. It seemed a shame to break it up.

“Sorry to hold you up,” said Jack to Ben.

“Oh that's alright, we've got plenty of time,” said Ben.

“Would you like a drink before you go?” I asked helpfully.

“Just a small cup of tea please,” said Ben. “What about you Lucie?”

It seemed Lucie wanted tea too, so it was four teas and Jack offered to make them.

“Lucie has just been telling me about the amount of exercising and rehearsals that ballet dancers have to do,” said Ben. “I knew something about it of course, but I had no idea just how much time you spend practicing.”

“Well, if we didn't, the experts in the audience would soon pick us up. It's not so very different from sports like football, I suppose? I know you put in a lot of time training,” said Lucie. “My brother used to play football, but he had to retire after one too many injuries. I'd love to see you play sometime, Ben.”

That sounded very encouraging to me.

After Ben and Jack had finally left for the football, Lucie and I sat down again to our knitting.

“Well? What did you think?” I said.

“He's gorgeous,” said Lucie. “He was trying so hard to make a good impression on me. How come some woman hasn't snapped him up before now?”

“A few have tried, but it will take a very special woman to capture his heart. Do you think you might be that woman?”

“It would be fun finding out,” said Lucie. “Perhaps you should tell me what happened to his wife?”

“It was very sad. Kate was nearing the end of her maternity leave when St Thomas's rang and asked if she could come in to do a shift as they were very short-staffed. Being Kate, she said 'yes' of course. She was driving home when a stolen car with three louts on board ran a red light and crashed into the driver's side of her car. Those cowards ran off without looking to see what had happened, but fortunately there was a car behind Kate's and the driver rang the ambulance and police and did his best to comfort her before help arrived. They took her to St Thomas's and did all they could, but they couldn't save her.”

“And the three louts; did they catch them?”

“Oh yes. I went to the court on the day of their sentencing. There they were in the dock, all dressed up in suits and ties and with neat haircuts, probably for the first time in their lives.. Did the defence team think that would sway the judge? I'm sure she's seen it many times before. Because they refused to own up about who was driving, she gave them five years each.with hard labour, and commented that if she'd known who was driving, she would have given the other two a lesser sentence. We all saw two of them glance at the third one, but by then it was too late. I think it was a light sentence but perhaps it was the most she could give them.”

"Poor Ben,” said Lucie. “I can understand why he's taken so long to get over Kate's loss.”

Well, I'd done my bit in bringing them together, now it was up to the two of them.

When Jack and Ben arrived back late in the afternoon, Ben seemed disappointed to find that Lucie was no longer at the flat.

“What did you think of Lucie?” I asked Ben.

“She's gorgeous,” he said, unknowingly echoing Lucie's description of him. “And so interesting to talk to,” Then he looked at me. “You set this up didn't you?”

I knew I was blushing. “Well, if I hadn't how were you two ever going to meet?”

He smiled. “Fair point, but there's one problem, I don't have her number to contact her.”

“Lucie is an old-fashioned girl in some ways. She's given me permission to give you her number if you should ask for it,” I replied.

“Yes, please,” said Ben.

It seems Ben wasted no time in contacting Lucie. The following Sunday evening, he took her to dinner at the restaurant in one of London' most famous hotels. I learned all about it from Lucie at our coffee break between rehearsal sessions on Monday.

“The food was out of this world,” she said. “There was a trio of musicians and a small dance floor so we danced as well. Ben is surprisingly light on his feet. And we talked, and talked. Of course I haven't lost a partner like he did, but that business with Brian really upset me.

“When Ben dropped me off at my flat and walked me to the door, I know he was expecting a goodnight kiss, but I didn't want to let him go, so I invited him in for coffee. Well, we did finally get around to the coffee ... this morning!”

She laughed at the look on my face. “And I'll tell you another thing – athletes make fantastic lovers, but of course you know that, being married to Jack!”

By now, I know my face was puce and Lucie was laughing her head off. “You really are an old-fashioned girl, Antonette!”.

Dear reader, you are no doubt wondering if this was just a fling or if Lucie and Ben developed a serious relationship, and I'm pleased to say that is what happened. Lucie moved into Ben's flat about two months later, and a couple of months after that she was wearing a gorgeous new diamond engagement ring. Some people would say that was all rather sudden, but in my view, when you know that someone is right for you, then why waste time?

Another good thing was that Lucie and Kate got on very well indeed. Perhaps it helped that Kate was too young to remember her mother. I know that the story of Cinderella has a lot to answer for in giving stepmothers a bad reputation, but when in the fullness of time, Lucie and Ben were married, with Kate as their flower girl, she couldn't have been happier. She even began to call Lucie 'Mummy' after a while, and when, a year or two later, Lucie decided to retire from the ballet, she became a full-time mother to Kate, and this had the added benefit that she was able to tutor Kate, who showed signs of developing enough talent to be a professional ballet dancer, even at that early age

To be concluded.

Next time: The gift.

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Chapter 18   The gift

It was coming up to Kate's eighth birthday and like all little girls that age, she wanted a birthday party. It was strictly girls only of course, and all the ones from her school class was invited. Lucie and I had the pleasure of taking her to a boutique for girls in order to buy her a party dress, and she chose a very pretty one with an ankle-length skirt and organza overlay with embroidery which put me in mind of some of the costumes she had seen ballerinas wear.

“We must make the most of this time,” I said to Lucie. “Once she becomes a teenager she'll probably only want to wear trousers and jeans.”

“I don't know about that,” said Lucie. “She's a very feminine little girl; she might just surprise us.”

Regarding dancing, I'm sure it helped that Kate had ballerinas for a stepmother and aunty, but even that would not have been enough without innate talent; it seemed to me that Kate had that in abundance. I had the strongest feeling that she was destined to become a professional ballerina, provided that she wanted to of course. Lucie and I were always careful not to pressure her to follow in our 'en pointe' footsteps..

On the morning of Kate's birthday, which by chance was a Saturday, I called over to Ben and Lucie's house, which they had recently moved into as more suitable for a family, and in addition to some other smaller gifts, I carried with me a large white box with a big pink satin ribbon tied up in a bow. It was a very special gift for Kate, but I had first discussed giving it to her with Ben and Lucie and had obtained their enthusiastic consent. Kate was already excited with all her other gifts but her eyes widened at the sight of the large box.

“What is it, Aunty Antonette?” she asked.

“Why don't you open it and see?”

She undid the bow and lifted the lid of the box. There was white tissue paper inside and when she parted that, there was the bride doll in all her glory. Although I had taken great care of her over the years, inevitably time had dulled her satin dress, so I had taken her to a doll's hospital and asked them to make her look like new again and that they had most certainly succeeded in doing. Kate gasped as she looked at her.

“Oh! She's so beautiful!” she cried. “Does she have a name?”

“Yes. She's called Jemima and she's a gift from your first Mummy.”

Kate's brow creased in a frown. “But my first Mummy died when I was a baby, you told me so yourself.”

“I know darling, but now you are old enough I will tell you a story. I met your Mummy when we were both not much older than you are now. I saw Jemima in her bedroom, and admired her very much. Then your Mummy and her family moved to Australia, on the other side of the world, but she left Jemima with me to look after. Many years later, when your Mummy was grown up, she came back to England and I offered to give Jemima back to her, but she told me to keep looking after her. I didn't understand why at the time, but later I did. I knew that your Mummy was going to give Jemima to you when you were old enough, and when she died, it was my job to do it for her. Now you are old enough and so here she is.”

“She's so lovely. May I pick her up?” said Kate.

“Of course. She's yours now, and maybe one day you will have a little girl of your own, and then you can pass Jemima on to her when she is old enough.”

Kate looked at me solemnly. “Yes, I will do that,” she said. She bent down and very carefully lifted Jemima out of her box. Now she was lifted up, Jemima opened her beautiful blue eyes and I could almost have sworn that I saw her smile. In my mind I said to myself 'There Kate, I have done what I'm sure you wanted me to do. Jemima is in safe hands.'

There I will leave my story for now. My life is not finished yet. I have some years to go as the IBC's Prima Ballerina, and after that, Jack and I may start a ballet school like we have discussed on several occasions. Life has been very good to me, I am most thankful for it and I'd like to give something back.

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