Change of the Mask: New Beginning
Chapter 2
Lilly85
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“In the last chapter we started this journey into the new life for our protagonist Alex. He was in the system of the government for 3 years and was finally adopted by an older sister he had no idea he had to begin with. Alex was frustrated that his sister hadn’t gotten him out of the system years ago and was wondering why if she was raised on the fact that you don’t leave family behind then why did she leave him in the system for as long as she did. That pent up anger inside him led to him blowing up towards his sister and her husband about a variety of things. Then after he finished he asked to be left alone. To end the last chapter Alex and his nieces talked about music and he played and sang a song for them. As the chapter ended they were preparing to do a song as a group.”
“I guess that kind of makes sense in a way Alex.” Says Alyssa
Sarah then goes on to ask “How long have you been playing piano for Alex?”
I think for a moment then reply “I first learned to play when I was about 5 from one of our neighbors at the time. I eventually started learning on my own time after that neighbor moved away when I was 6. From there it was just me learning whatever i could find materials for.”
Alyssa looks at Alex and says “That’s actually quite amazing Alex. To be mostly self taught and be able to do stuff like that is actually quite impressive.”
I look at her, shrug then say “To be honest with you I never really gave much thought into how good I might have actually been. It was just one of my ways to get through the day when I had nothing else to do. The orphanage I was at had plenty of materials for me to go through and I just went through them one by one as time went along. I didn't care what it was but rather, I was more focused on just getting through the day in whatever way I could. There’s only so much you can do when you have nobody to be with.”
Alyssa goes onto say “Can I ask why nobody liked you Alex?”
I sigh as I hate being asked this question but reply “It’s a long story but essentially everybody hated me because I wasn’t interested in anything they were interested in doing. I just stopped going outside for recess for a while and just stayed out of the way. I didn’t bother saying anything because there would have been no point. The teachers and principals didn’t care about stuff like that. They were more focused on making sure kids were getting a good education and in their words Letting the kids be kids”.
Alyssa sighs then says “I guess that explains a lot about why you are how you are. I guess interactions with other kids is hard for you isn’t it?”
I just nod and say “Every interaction I’ve ever had with kids has just ended in someone trying to hurt me either physically or mentally.”
Sarah then speaks up and says “Alex….. I’m sorry that happened to you and I really want to help you see that not everyone is like that. Both mine and Alyssa’s friends are very nice and i’m sure they would be nice to you if you give them the chance.”
I sigh again before saying “Sarah, I appreciate the offer but I think I need to find my way here on my own. I have nothing against either of you and you have both been very nice to me in every way possible. But I need to find my own way here in this new area that I have been put in. I also don’t think that I'm comfortable with the idea of being friends with friends of my nieces. I already told your parents this but i’m going to make this clear to both of you right now, I will not be calling your parents mom and dad. I also won’t be calling you guys my sisters for obvious reasons, if I were to come out and start calling you guys my sisters then it comes to light that i'm actually your uncle how do you think a lot of people would feel about that? It just isn’t practical. I also won’t be calling you my nieces for the same reason. I’ll simply be calling you by your names and that’s that. It’s going to be a bit weird at first but it’s what is best for everyone.
I should also mention that I'm not an athlete like you two are and i have no intention of joining in on any activities that you guys are involved in. For reasons I’ve already said, people are going to think im your adopted sibling and if it came to light that I’m really your uncle then a lot of people are going to be very angry about the deception. I have nothing against anything you guys do, in fact I actually enjoy watching a lot of it. It just isn’t something I'm interested in doing myself.”
Alyssa smiles at me and says “ I can respect that Alex, some of my friends aren’t the athletic type so I can understand where you are coming from in a way. Not all people are super athletic Alex. Each person is unique in their own way and you have many things already that make you unique just like Sarah and I have things that make us unique in who we are.”
Sarah then chimes in and says “Alex I can also understand where you’re coming from. Like Alyssa said, not everyone is a god given athlete or super genius or anything like that. Your Piano playing and your ability to run for as long as you can is what really sets you apart from us. You also have a voice of gold and I was in awe the entire time you were singing Alex.”
I smile at those comments as I think at least part of this family has an understanding of what I stand for and how some things are just not practical in the grand scheme of things.
“I think someone is finally starting to understand just exactly who I am. Your parents had no idea of anything I was talking about and it was actually very frustrating to talk to them about what I was just talking to you about. They had this look of disappointment on their faces after I said what I just told you guys. They didn’t seem to see the bigger picture of everything that i was trying to explain to them. Thank you for the compliments on the piano and singing, it’s not something you learn overnight as I’m sure you can understand. With as much time as I had you learn to just do a few things and stick to them as they are and you become good at those few things over time. If you branch out too much you lose the ability to stay adept in the other activities you are already good at. Not everyone seems to understand this but I like sticking to a few things and leaving it at that. Everyone always thought I was crazy for not doing more activities than I did, but in all honesty me doing less gave me more time to hone in on my talents within those specific activities. Running for me is an escape when I need to just get away and think on my own. I don't run for speed as I’ve already said, I run for distance and to just get away within the cool summer winds and just see where my legs can take me on any given day. With the Piano and my singing it’s my way of letting out my emotions and letting my frustrations come to light in a sort of way that people can feel within them.”
Alyssa looks at me and asks “ Alex, if you don't mind me asking just how far can you run in one go?”
I think for a little bit then say “I don’t think I ever calculated how far I could run in actual measurements. It just wasn’t something I ever thought about. I was at an Orphanage where I had endless amounts of time and over the years I generally didn’t run for that long though. I generally got up at 5 am every day then go for a run until about 7 as a way to stay in shape. Eat breakfast then depending on if school was in session or not I’d either take a shower and eat before heading to school or if school was not in session I would do whatever I could to keep myself busy.”
I then stand up and go to the window and just stare. As I’m looking out of the window I start to wonder just how messed up I really am. Before I can say anything though Alyssa and Sarah pull a few chairs up beside me and Alyssa takes me into a hug and says “Alex, I know you’re struggling with something inside you. Given what you’ve been through it’s hard to not have anything that would be troubling you.”
I pull away and look at her in the eyes before saying “There’s nothing more in this world that I would want in life then to not have to deal with anything anymore. If I’m being truthful with you, I’d probably have ended my life before I had a chance to be myself if your mother hadn’t come and saved me from my disparity.”
Sarah holds my hands and says “Alex…. believe me when I tell you, I’ve been there. It’s not a great mindset for anyone to be in. I can’t imagine what is troubling you so bad but we want to help you. Really we do. But we can’t do anything about what is wrong unless we know what is wrong Alex if that makes sense.”
I turn to look out the window again and sigh. Everything that’s happened has only compounded my initial issues. My parents thought I was a freak and that’s what led to the whole incident that led me to be put into the orphanage in the first place. What would you think if you were some religious bigot that had a child that didn’t conform to what you believed in. I was anything but normal. I was a recluse for the most part and my one true dream when I was younger was just to be who I should have been all along. Yea I had my TV to envision myself as who I should have been, but it would never be the real thing.
Still staring out of the window I said to Alyssa “If I tell you guys what is going on then you’d never want to be around me ever again. It’s probably better that you don’t know. I start to walk out of the room when Sarah says “Alex, wait.”
Change of the Mask: New Beginnings Chapter 3
……. Alex stops in his tracks as Sarah says “Can I ask you something and you not freak out Alex?”
Still not looking at her I sigh and say “I guess.”
She then does something that I wasn’t exactly expecting and sits her and myself on the ground and says “Alex, I know you’re struggling with your new surroundings. I would be myself if I were in your shoes. But what I want to ask is, who is the real you?”
As I try to figure out how to answer this, Sarah says “I have a feeling I know what the real you is but I don’t want to jump to anything.”
I sigh as tears fall from my eyes as I realize what is going on. They really are trying to help but I have done nothing but be rude. After I calmed down a bit, I looked at Sarah and say “I guess it’s time for a story about myself.”
“I’ve never been normal Sarah, to be the way I am now is honestly a miracle. From a young age, I was always a different kind of child. I didn’t fit in with anyone and was always alone. By the age of 4 I had been turned into a recluse. Someone that their parents normally would have tried to seek help for but with money tight we couldn’t afford to do much of anything. When I started school I was ridiculed. Nobody wanted to be around me. Everyone hated me for being the way I was. This whole situation could have been avoided if my father hadn’t done what he did. If you must know what he did then that’s another conversation entirely. What my parents did to me is non excusable. They just were mean and cruel. As you can probably tell, I’m very tiny for my age due to what my parents did to me. As much as I would like to go to school like a normal child, I know it’s not possible. My music playing was my true escape from society. Nobody paid much attention to a young child playing the piano the way I did. Running was just my way of staying in shape as painful as that is to admit.
I really have nowhere to go but down Sarah…… My life is in turmoil and as much as I hate your mother for leaving me in the system for as long as she did, she may have just pulled me out of my misery just enough to see the bigger picture. That whether I like it or not, I’m family to you girls now and my real self isn’t going to come out without a fight….. My parents buried my true self away years ago and all I’ve wanted since is to be the real me….. I probably make no sense at all right now.”
Sarah holds me in her arms and smiles, as she does this, I get a warm feeling inside of me that I haven’t had since I was young. I hug her back in recognition that she’s probably the closest thing I’ll ever have to a true friend.
Alyssa had long since left the room realizing that Sarah and I needed space to bond. Sarah eventually stands us both up and leads me hand in hand out of the room and into her bedroom. She goes to her closet and opens the door where she has a full length mirror hanging on the door. She then comes back over to me where she takes my hand gently and brings me over to the mirror. This is where things take a turn that I honestly never would have seen coming. She stands me up straight and puts her hands on my shoulders and says “Alex, you’ve been shattered by your awful parents and I thought we might not be able to help you out without a problem. However, in just a few short hours whether you realized it or not showed your true self. You’re a young child at heart yearning for someone to just take you in and love you for who you really are! Alex, you may not realize it but you can be yourself now. The young child who doesn’t have to worry about what others think. You really are special Alex, you’re a little princess at heart.”
I look at her in the mirror and realize that maybe she’s right. I lay on the floor and just stare, closing my eyes wondering why I’ve never thought about this like this. Sarah sits down next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder and says “Alex, it’s ok to be yourself now. Nobody will be able to hurt you now. “
I then open my eyes and look over to Sarah before saying “Sarah, I feel so awful for hiding myself for so long”
She sits me up and then says something I really should have seen coming “Alex, you have no reason to feel that way. You were just doing what you had to do until you could find yourself.”
Sarah stands up and goes over to her window and stares, I stand up and walk over to her window and stand next to her starting to cry before saying “You’re right about everything Sarah and as much as it hurts to admit this, I really am just a little girl at heart who needs her new family to help her.”
I leave Sarah’s room and go into the bathroom locking the door behind me and just collapse bawling my eyes out. What have I done to myself, I just professed my true self to someone I’ve barely even met and now I’m bawling my eyes out in the aftermath. My life is going to end the very moment I come out of this room, or so I thought.
It was at that moment that I heard a gentle concerned voice from the other side of the door. “Alex, please listen to me for a minute. Nobody was trying to hurt you, it’s ok to be yourself and we love you for whoever you really are. Please don’t hurt yourself as I can probably imagine you thinking about doing. Come out here sweetheart and I’ll explain everything to you.”
I then became furious and said “You were trying to break me to the point where I just said my innermost thoughts to your daughter like it was no big deal and now you want to try and give me an explanation for all this?! No, there is only one explanation for all that has transpired and that is that you all left me in the system so I could break just enough to where when you brought me home with you I would have no choice but to confess what you already knew was true. You probably already have a little girls room set up too just to add salt in the wound. You guys are no better than mom and dad you jerks!
I then sat down and just sobbed for what seemed like a lifetime. The person on the other side of the door had left and everything just felt like a blur to me…. I knew something was up from the start, now they just mentally scarred me and I’m shaking. The only thing that I have any sort of feeling about is my stomach. I just want to throw up at the situation that is transpiring. Part of me doesn’t even know if anything I said is even true.
I honestly have no idea how long I sat there wallowing in my sorrow. I have no feelings for anyone right now. I hate who I am and I professed who I really am but why? Am I really that insane that I’m a 10 year old boy who wants to be a little girl?
At this point I hear a knock on the door and then someone says “ Alex, it’s Sarah. Can we talk? I’m sorry for everything. Really I am, I knew you were broken but I pushed you too far and now you’re a wreck.”
I sit in silence not knowing what to say before she continues “We love you Alex, really we do. We want to help you, but we can’t do that unless you let us. Please let me in Alex. Let someone help you get better.”
I just look out of the window in the bathroom for a moment before sighing and saying “Why should I even care about myself anymore Sarah, you’re the only one in this family who really cares about me. I haven’t cared about my well-being in years. Why should I do anything different now?”
The moment of silence is deafening but she goes on to say “Alex,I know you’re hurt by everything that has gone on to this point. Only you can change your future Alex and we’re here to guide you on that journey whatever that may be.”
I start to tear up again at the fact that I now have a safe place to be myself for the first time in my life. I move away from the door and unlock it letting Sarah come in.
Upon coming in she sits down beside me and pulls me into a hug. “Let it out Alex, I’m here for you”
I hug her whilst the tears kept coming and she just sat there with me while my emotions ran free.
By this point I’m falling asleep in Sarah’s arms and she says “Why don’t we go take a nap in your new room Alex?”
I look at her groggily and just nodded. She helped me up off the floor and led me to my new room. Before she opened the door she said to me “I hope you enjoy what we put together for you Alex. We knew who you were inside before we met you and thought you would appreciate this type of room better than what you might be used to.” She pecks a kiss on my forehead before opening the door.
Once the door is open and she leads me into my new room, I can only stand in awe of what they went through the trouble to do for me.
Sarah let’s me go take things in without her guidance and I immediately start tearing up happily. I walk around the room in pure bliss and awe. I see my new bed and can only think “Wow” As I walk towards it I start to feel better about everything all of a sudden.
Sarah then says to me “Alex, why don’t we get something more comfortable on to lay down in”
She goes over to the dresser in the room and grabs a few things out of it before laying it all out on the bed for me.
She does all this while I’m staring out the window on the other side of the room quietly.
She looks at me by the window and smiles before saying “Alex? Are you ready?”
I turn to face her and when I see what is on the bed my jaws drop in awe.
She sees my reaction and says “Come here and let’s get you settled.”
I slowly head towards her and the closer I get the more I feel secure and less anxious.
Once I am standing next to her I look at her and then the bed before she asks “Do you want help? Or are you ok?
I look at her before saying quietly “I think I can manage.”
She looks back at me before saying “I’m going to go get something on myself Alex, if you need anything just let me know ok?”
I nod and she walks out of the room shutting the door behind her.
I turn back to the bed and look closer at what Sarah had gotten out for me and honestly I couldn’t believe what had happened. As I started changing clothes I started feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. As I got to the last piece of clothing that Sarah had gotten out for me I questioned my sanity as I held the garment in my hands. Was I really ready to be myself and be the little girl of the house? As wonderful as all this clothing feels, I can’t help but feel like something is missing.
Sarah knocks on my door asking if she can come back in and I just say yes. As she comes back in she notices that I’m just sitting there thinking about something. Then she notices what I have in my hands and sits down next to me and puts her arm around me.
“Mom thought it might be easier on you these first few nights here if you had a little protection to give you a bit of security in case something happens. I know it’s not something that you might be used to but it’s there just in case you need it. Do you want help putting it on?”
As scared as I am of my new surroundings I just nod and she does the necessary to help me feel comfortable in my new surroundings. After the garment is finally on she takes me over to my own mirror and says “You look so sweet. Let’s have a little nap and then we can figure out what to do next.”
I look in the mirror and smile. I know my place now, and you know what? I think I like this more than I realized. I twirl my fingers through my hair as I say “Um Sarah?”
She looks at me and smiles before going “Yes?”
I look at her and wonder how to say this “Sarah, I can’t believe I’m saying this but….”
She looks at me curiously before saying “but what?”
I put my arms around her in a hug before saying “I can’t thank you enough for all this…. I’m free for the first time in my life.
I start to cry again and Sarah pulls me into a tight hug before saying “Alex, I love you so much, you have a long journey ahead of you let’s take it easy on your first day ok?”
I look up at her and she wipes the tears off my face before leading me to my bed where we snuggle up together.