Sorry for not getting The Arctic Fox Chapter 19 out at my normal time of Thursday night.

Last night, I had my grandson over, and he was getting into everything he possibly could. He's very cute, but likes to manipulate. Everytime I would get after him, he would hold out his arms and come to get a hug, which was not forthcoming.

Since taking care of him is a regular Thursday night thing to give my son and daughter-in-law some time off, I think I'd better plan on Tuesdays and Fridays for The Arctic Fox, rather than Monday and Thursday.

That is, if I can catch up a bit, otherwise it will have to go down to once a week.

Been having migraines off and on since Friday. This is not, in the least, fun.

Dark rooms and silence are my friends right now.

I woke up this morning with a beautiful case of the Martian Death Flu, as I unaffectionately call it.

It's the one where you feel every molecule that hits your body and alternately need a blanket, then feel like throwing your clothes across the room because you're too hot. Also, every muscle in your body feels like it's been overused for the last week and a half.

After some naproxen, I felt much better and could crawl out of bed, which was good. After 18 hours in bed, my back was calling me every name in the book, and some I'd never heard before.

One of my dogs apparently has a food allergy, so I've gotten her a different type of food.

She doesn't seem to like it. She has taken to trying to bury the bowl with her nose -- unless, I feed it to her by hand. Then, she is quite content to eat the stuff.

After was was apparently a current and nasty ailment, (at least I had every symptom) I am getting back to wakefulness, and will be writing more again.

However, I doubt people will see much of my writing for a little while. I'm working on 3 multi-chapter stories, and one 2nd part to a one off I wrote awhile back.

I kinda fell behind while I was sick, so I'd like to catch up a bit.

For those fans of Arctic Fox, the sequel is in the works. I'm also working on The Letters and To Head Home.

I just went through the drive-through at Jack in the Box, as I often do while dropping off my daughter somewhere. I decided to try their jalapeno cheese smothered tater tots. Alas, they didn't provide a plastic spoon to use, and my napkins got a workout. I was happy I hadn't just gotten a manicure!

As often happens, this got me thinking about other guilty pleasures with their own punishments. My wife and I used to joke that the McDLT was NOT a date meal, as you would be wearing your meal. I suppose that could make a date more interesting.... Anyway...

I LOVE jalapeno poppers and breaded mushrooms. Both have a consequence that happens whenever I eat them. The smell gets too overwhelming and i have to eat one immediately. The problem being that they're fresh out of the fryer, and that first morsel kills the enjoyment of the rest of my treat by burning inside my mouth.

So many little treats that have bad consequences, and here we are, coming into the time where I could have my beloved pecan pie... If it wasn't for high blood sugar.

I am thrilled that I was able to take part in The Dozen Roses. I am looking forward to seeing the hard work everyone out into it to fruition. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who worked above and beyond, by putting the stories together by formatting and making the tales blend into a seamless get-together.

2 years ago, I had a benign tumor removed from my brain. The surgery went well, and the incision site has healed pretty well, although it still hurts at times. The tumor was squeezing my cerebrum on the left side of my head, causing what, for all intents and purposes, were short circuits in my brain. At times, my memory would completely disappear for several minutes. The partial brain seizures were frightening, and when I told people about them, even my doctor, I received the advice, just get your blood sugar under control.

It took a trip to the emergency room to get a CAT scan that finally showed what was wrong. To be fair, I was also experiencing intense anger at the time, and when I was told that my wife couldn't accompany me into an MRI, I couldn't face it because of claustrophobia and anger, several months before the ER trip.

The memory problems and the anger abated after the surgery, but I sometimes feel that removing the tumor was worse than it's presence. I now stutter, which I never did before. I forget things and can't even remember words. I am extremely clumsy now. I've probably broken more correlle (sp?) dishes in the last two years than I did in the 49 years before (I have a marble floor in my kitchen, and the dishes don't like falling on it.)

Worse yet, I used to be able to play 26 or so instruments. I've only tried 2 since the surgery, and find that my creativity is gone as far as music, and I can't even count out beats that I used to simply know. I used to compose music, and have even produced 2 albums that I distributed to my friends.

Thankfully, when writing, I have the ability to wait for the words to return (although my editor / beta reader sometimes comes up with some wonderfully mixed metaphors.)

Before the surgery, I was writing an HTML routine that would run on my personal server and figure my wife and my budget, complete with a routine that would predict the length of time to get out of debt. After the surgery, it was never finished. I suppose if I can't compose music, I can't write a HTML routine, although before I was proficient in several programming languages.

It was bad enough having both Tourette's Syndrome and Aspergers at the same time, but now adding the new problems in, and sometimes I feel completely worthless. I drove truck, school bus, fire trucks. I used to be a fire commissioner. My biggest problem was being autistic, I get bored with jobs and have to change frequently. Now, I'm home all the time because I'm unable to work except caring for two relatives, in my own home, at my own pace.

I know the useless feelings are my own depression raising its ugly head, and that I'm doing something useful, but that doesn't stop those feelings.

I have a letter from my neurologist forbidding me from driving for work because of the partial brain seizures. For most of my life, I've done driving jobs, and they just instituted a federal law stating that January 1st of this year, if you don't have a valid physical, you lose your commercial drivers license.

Throughout this, I've never once been tempted to end it all, but I'll tell ya. There are times I just want to walk away from everything and start a new life far away from this, but... Not much way to get rid of the problems I'm facing now.

Why am I writing this? Just having a bad day altogether. I guess I need some hugs? IDK. Maybe I just want to get it off my chest, figuratively. Maybe it's a warning. If something ever happens and you're having problems with your thinking processes, get it checked out immediately. Even if you're claustrophobic.

Just writing something about it like this helps. LOL. Just like talking to a therapist.

Anyway, I hope you all have a better day than I've had.

--Rosemary

Or snows here.

I found I have a herniated disk a while back and have been doing physical therapy for it. At the same time, I've been getting a pain in my left arm. Now having been a medic in the army at one time, and a certified nurse's assistant now, I know what a pain in my left arm can mean, but I was pretty sure that's not the problem.

I went to the doctor in June and found out that I've got a bone spur in my elbow. I had a steroid shot in it, and the pain diminished. It came back around Thanksgiving, and I finally got in to see the doctor on Friday. He showed me the spur on the ultrasound, and it is growing into a ligament. Ugh! I got another steroid shot, but he doesn't want to do a third. If the pain returns again, which I suspect is inevitable, I'm going to have to get some surgery.

But, on the good side, I should be able to type more now. Between the bone spur and the disk, I've been pretty much lazing around, watching Royal Institute science lectures, but with no pain in my arm now, hopefully, my muse will make an appearance.

I'm not sure whether to be happy or not. Okay... I'm happy, but I'm sad because the first book of The Arctic Fox is going to be coming down from BCTS, at least for awhile, as it is going to be moved to Kindle in the next few weeks.

I'm definitely happy about that.

Wow! I didn't know they were making invisible turn signals, but apparently, they are! Wow!

It seems every time I go for a drive, people are using invisible turn signals. What a cool invention!

Lately, I've had to classify many days as "bad". Yesterday, was a pleasant surprise.

I don't know why, but I actually slept most of the night, rather than only a small portion of it. So, I was actually able to get up at around 8:30, which is VERY early for me.

The first thing that happened after that was the new tablet which wasn't supposed to be here until the earliest the 11th, arrived on the 10th. While I was setting it up, everything was going great, then I saw I had a voicemail.

I checked it, and my hearing aid which had been out for warranty repairs came in. I've been without it for over a month now, so when it arrived, I was thrilled! I went to pick it up, and when I put it in, I could suddenly hear again! Not to mention, having it in helps my brain to filter out the tinnitus that I always have to deal with. Yes, it's still there, but it seems much quieter when I have my hearing aid.

I suspect that it has to do with the fact that I have a hard time hearing tones in the midrange (human vocal range), so when they're amplified, my brain is able to compensate easier, and the high pitches where my tinnitus is located can be turned down. My theory, for what it's worth.

All was going well, until my cat decided to knock my piano onto the keyboard while my hands were there.

Oh well. Such is life, I guess.

I'm sitting in a parking lot right now, waiting for my daughter to get done with an appointment. I'm sitting directly across from the door, so I can see when she comes out.

A little bit ago, someone walked out with tattoos all over his face. Now if someone wants a tattoo or two, thats fine. They're an expression of ... diversity, I guess, but as you can tell, I don't have one. Were I to transition, I might do eyeliner. That's about as far as I'd go, however.

This guy, however, had so many tattoos on his face, that my first thought as he exited the building was, ''What the heck is a Borg doing here?"

Oh well. He wasn't spouting off about resistance and futility, so I guess he was separated from the collective.

Well. Over the weekend, I found that my cousin, who I take care of, had a sore on his toes.

He's had problems with this foot for as long as I've taken care of him, and he's lost 2 of the toes because of frostbite and diabetes.

Thankfully, he has no feeling in that foot, but it's a problem as well. He's developmentally disabled, and thinks, since his foot doesn't hurt, it's fine. He also has no comprehension of sweets being bad for him, and it's always been a problem keeping his glucose level down.

Well, things have come to a head, and monday morning, the last three toes will be amputated. Since I care for him, I keep thinking, is there anything I could have done differently, but I know there's not.

Still, it's hard not to be second guessing myself.

This morning I had to get up at the unholy time of 4:30. I packed up my cousin and took him to the hospital. 6 hours later we were home.

The doctor said, even with toes freshly amputated, he can walk as much as he can bear.

We'll see how things look Friday at the checkup. Just praying that it goes well this week and he doesn't overdo it. He has no feeling in the foot, so no way to know if he's pressing too far, and I'm not to change the dressing.

The 30th will mark the second anniversary of actually allowing someone to crack open my skull to remove a meningioma from my brain. I suppose the benefits of it being gone outweigh the problems I had before it was removed, but there are times it's hard to see how.

I used to sit down and compose music with no trouble, but now, I find that the creativity just isn't there. I can orchestrate a pre-existing piece, certainly, but to make something new doesn't seem possible.

There are times that I have to bite my tongue to resist telling someone to find a high cliff and take a running leap, but it's not because of anger like it was before the surgery. Now, it's more from depression. Music was such a massive part of my life, and to find it all but gone is hard to deal with. It's as if a part of me has been excised, and I feel like crying constantly.

I've sat down and tried to MAKE myself compose something, but I don't seem to get past the first few bars.

Maybe it's too soon. 2 years seems to be a bit of time, but I suppose it takes a while for the brain to rewire itself when it's been hurt so much. After all, I'm still tired all the time, so maybe the healing just isn't done, and it's taking all my energy.

I just finished a chapter and had gotten up to lock my kitchen (my cousin will raid it if I don't), and my wife asked me to help her out. She's got a migraine so bad that we ended up in the ER. She's never had a migraine before, so seemed like the most prudent move. Now I'm sitting in an overheated room and waiting.

Quick update the doc just came in, so giving Norma a few meds.

I'm posting this under pets, but I'm really not sure if Mya counts as a pet... She's definitely a fur child.

I've touched her ear and had her whimper a couple of times, but I thought shed stop, then she did again this morning, so I took her to the vet and had her ear checked out. Sure enough, there was an ear infection, so she's on an antibiotic and some ear drops.

I was a bit concerned about giving her a pill. This is the first time with Mya, but I wrapped it in a piece of bologna, and it was gone. Not only did she not taste the pill, but I'm not certain she tasted the bologna.

I'm very thankful that this was all that it was. I can't even begin to imagine life without her. She's too sweet a girl.

I was sitting down to write this morning, and I realized that today is the "birthday" of Marcia Chatham, the "Arctic Fox". Of course, that also means that tomorrow is the one year mark from her biological mother's death (which for some weird reason, I put on my wife and my REAL anniversary. Go figure.)

Fun early morning. About 2:30 this AM, as I was trying to get to sleep, I was disturbed (I'm always disturbed, but this time, it was more than just my imagination that did it) by squealing tires, a crashing sound, and a thud so hard, it shook my house.

I hurriedly threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, and ran outside. I found a crowd already surrounding an overturned car in my neighbor's driveway. My son and daughter had hurried out as well, and my son said he saw the driver walking down the street when he hurried outside.

Police finally found the driver (drunk, of course) and hauled him off to jail. I'm guessing to fly and flip as far as he did, he must have been going in excess of 60MPH on our 30MPH street.

Well... Should be another year till the next early morning excitement (I hope!)

I had noticed that this date was coming up at the beginning of May, but with 1,001 different things happening this week, I hadn't realized that it was upon us. May 18th 2021 marks the 41st anniversary of the eruption in Washington State of Mount Saint Helens.

This is something that I've always been fascinated with. I love studying geology, and I find it interesting, the amount of devastation that can occur from the eruption of a single volcano.

When Mt. St. Helens blew, I was in Albuquerque NM, and didn't have to deal with the ash that fell in Eastern Washington, where I had been born, and have lived for most of the last 41 years.

It seems that when you live near something like the mountain, you never end up going there to see it. I've never been to the national monument, but I would love to see it. I've seen the mountain from a distance, however. I salute those who rescued people from the mudflows and remains of the pyroclastic flows from the eruption.

I look at what seems to be happening all over the world today, and especially in Iceland. While the volcano there is not explosive like St. Helens was, lava is a respecter of no substance. If it wants to go somewhere, it does. I hope and pray that they can stop the lava before it devastates the area.

I guess, just for the fun of it, I'll post a rant that I made 6 years ago on Faceplant -- I mean Facebook.

I fully admit, this was in a fluff article, but still -- quite a dumb thing.

Wow. This morning, while doing my normal perusal of what has been going on in the world by the renowned news source, Facebook, I came across an article that piqued my curiosity. It was entitled, "37 celebrities who died and you didn't notice" or something like that. While I was surprised by a few on the list because somehow their death had escaped my notice (Harold Ramis, Wendy Jo Sperber) I have to call the author on a couple. I am certain that the fans of Laura Branigan's music noticed her death. Such a tragedy that one so talented died so young. I am not terribly fond of her music, but I recognize the talent that she had. I have to revise this statement. I've since listened to more of her music, and I've grown quite fond of it.

What really bothers me, however, is that the author of this article would have me believe that no one noticed the death of Leonard Nimoy. Really? No one noticed that Spock died? You've got to be kidding me. Where were you? Partying on Risa when he died? Burying your head in the sand of Nimbus III?

More likely, you were fighting a Wampa on Hoth, or watching a pod race on Tatooine.

Maybe you have a Goa'uld symbiote or something, but I think I speak for the millions of Trekkers out there who say, "People noticed when Leonard Nimoy died."

As to why I do not post a link to the article here, I say, "Why post a link to such drivel on my page? If you really want to read it, you can look it up for yourself."

Well, that was a relief!

I recently had an MRI (that's not the relief! I HATE those things!). They wanted to see if there's anything in my head. Wait a minute... That didn't come out right!

Anyway. It's a bit over 2 years since I had the surgery removing the meningioma (which was a benign tumor), and it shows no sign of growing now. YAY!

I really don't want to have any more growth, for obvious reasons, but also because the tumor was growing near my left eye, and using a gamma knife wasn't really an option, as it could do permanent damage to the nerve. Now, the tumor would be considerably smaller, but still relatively close to the optic nerve, and they would use the gamma knife to stop it from growing now. I'm sure the doctor is skilled, but I really don't like the idea of that radiation near my eye.

Not to mention, It seems to me that Doctor Banner gave himself a large amount of gamma radiation, and he became the Hulk. Noone likes me when I'm angry already!

Happy Independence Day to all my American Friends. Happy belated Canada Day to my Canadian Friends!

Hope your day is wonderful!

And Have a wonderful Sunday to all my non-American friends!

I was just finishing my games of scrabble with my parents and sister at around 3:30 this morning, when I saw a notification come through my phone saying my mom was in the ER with my dad because he had chest pain. I talked to Mom for a bit, then spent the rest of the night sleepless. Finally got to a very fitful sleep about 6:30 AM.

The hospital says it's something serious with his heart, but not a heart attack.

So now, I'm sitting 1300 miles north of them, feeling about as useful as a screendoor on a submarine, wondering what the heck is going on. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.

So I finished the blog entry on my Dad and his heart this morning, and I leaned back in my office chair. I guess I must have, somehow, entered unknowingly into a wager saying the day couldn't be worse. Thus, my office chair decided it no longer liked me, so it leaned all the way back, depositing me in a rather undignified manner onto the floor behind it.

Now I will say I try not to indulge myself in unnecessary expletives, but I have to admit this was not one of the times of admirable restraint. After my head hit the hardwood -- did I tell you I've got gorgeous hardwood floors all through my home, except in my office, where they're slate -- floor, and my back flexed against the chair back, much of my restraint had been used up. Thankfully, this happened at my piano, and not in my office!

I'm not sure how long I sat in such a ridiculous manner, but as it quickly became apparent that my outraged scream had not, in fact, notified the neighbors of a wampa being eaten by a rancor next door, and no one was on their way to help extricate me from my peril, I decided the only thing to do, was to remove myself from the crazy situation I found myself in. Provided everything still worked, that is.

Everything did work, although I wasn't certain it was still within manufacturers' specs. Every movement of my vertebrae was uncharacteristically accompanied by a strange grinding feeling and an even more disturbing sepulchral moaning.

The ER people say everything is fine, though we seem to disagree on the basic idea of what "fine" is. Apparently, their idea is that I'm not going to die within 30 seconds. I tried to point out that the difference between 30 and 31 wasn't enough to completely change the diagnosis from "at deaths door" to "fine", but they wouldn't hear it.

Anyway... I'm gonna see if I can fall asleep with the constant sepulchral moaning still resonating throughout the county.

Wish I could figure out where that's coming from....

So how was your day?

I was working on a couple of stories, hoping to get ahead on them, and my muse decided to shift gears and change direction on me. It seemed as though she doesn't know how to use a clutch or speed shift very well either, It was a very jerky shift as she downshifted so we could make a sharp turn. I'm trying to keep her from accelerating, but it seems like it may be a hopeless cause. I'm hoping we come to a crossroad that will take us back to our original highway.

The Arctic Fox Book 3 has it's outline almost finished, and has been gnawing at the back of my mind, and finally pushed its way through to the forefront today as I had to write Chapter 1 in full prose.

Maybe this will satisfy the muse for a little bit and allow me to get back to the other two stories, but I'm not so sure. Once the muse is allowed to have her way, all bets are off... sigh.

I find it fascinating how much people get messed up, and then report it as the truth.

I got an email about "watching out for public records being released, and what they may say about you." So, just for kicks, I looked myself up online to see what it says.

The result? Whitepages isn't making a good impression with me They have 2 wrong aliases and 3 incorrect places I used to live. "Uh.... No, I don't think I really want to pay for your services. You don't seem to know much about your 'subjects'."

The sad thing is, for the free info that they put out to draw people in, they're so blatantly wrong, one has to wonder what other incorrect info people pay are paying money to get.

I posted a chapter on three of my stories today, and I realized belatedly that I put a bit of a cliffhanger at the end of each one. Whoops!

But, I suppose, that's the reason for the end of a chapter. Or the end of a chapter is for a cliffhanger.

I've decided that I'm gonna try to publish a chapter for each of these three stories each Saturday. It seems to be the beat time for me to do it. I'm hoping that I don't mix the stories as I'm writing, though. If Amos is suddenly paired up with Greg fighting whatever it is, or Foxy suddenly has developed some nasty nanites, you'll know I messed up.

We'll see how the muse muses. Maybe Foxy should develop nanites. Might go against her grain though.

Lots happened this last week. My two favorite uncles were named Tom. My dad's brother Tom, died about 6 or 7 years ago, and I miss him a lot. This last week, my dad's brother-in-law, also named Tom, died after a long time of struggling with his back and other things.

My dad also lost another sister, who I don't remember ever meeting, but then Dad found out he has a blockage in the back of his heart and will need it removed. sigh.