Kelly's Journey Chapter 1: Bye Daddy   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Kelly's Daddy is a Police Officer well on the way to a Captaincy. He is well respected by fellow Officers and was selected to replace the current Captain when he retires. But Kelly's Daddy goes on duty when a fellow officer calls in sick and dies in the line of duty.

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It is hard to believe, but I am now complete. My journey is finally over and I can now live happily ever after. And to think, that it almost never happened, but it did. Here I am, with my beloved husband beside me asleep after our passion has been sated. And to think that we almost never made it because of our fears. We both had fears, but we have both over come our fears and now we are together forever.
 
 
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My name is Kelly Lee Moore, I was born a boy 21 years ago. I am a natural redhead with green eyes. I love to play sports, but I was always on the small side. I look like my Momma if she were a boy. But as much as I love my Momma, I love my Daddy too.

My dad was Edward Stuart Moore, a gentle giant, of a policeman who looked like Tom Selleck. He loved to hunt and fish and had wanted to be a Park Ranger, unfortunately he never qualified. When he was killed in the line of duty, the Woods let us move into the Guest House on their Estate.

He and Mister Woods were best friends growing up and were the Best Man at each others weddings. When I was conceived, the Woods accepted the Honor of being my Godparents and Mom and Dad the Godparents of Julie and Johnny their twins. Growing up with the Woods, I felt that we were a family, with two moms, and a dad. We kids were the Three Musketeers and would often spend the night out in the old tool shed Mister Woods had converted into a fully functional playhouse for us. We would spend endless hours there on the weekends playing make believe.

Daddy loved nature and tended to have cookouts out in the backyard. But Momma was the real cook, daddy knew how to grill most everything, but Momma made the best cookies.

I remember one night when Daddy scooped me out of the pool after I had cannonballed everybody. He was laughing because he couldn't believe that a small fry like me could drench everybody.

"Kelly, you sure know how to cannonball young man, he chuckled. ['Just like me, he is fearless, yet has his mother's grace and beauty.. I knew that he might be more girl than boy, but I love him.']

Then I hugged him, getting him even wetter, "Thanks Daddy, it was fun."

"No doubt, you look just like your Mother when she was your age." [''He looks like Terri when she was his age.']

"Does that mean that I'm gonna be a Momma too?" ['Is daddy sad that I look like momma?']

[chuckle] "No squirt, it simply means that you look like your mother. You are quick and nimble instead of being big and husky like me. And I couldn't be happier."

"So that means that I'll grow up to be like momma, but as a boy?" ['Wonder what momma would look like playing softball?']

"Pretty much."

"Daddy, I like to run and play a lot and dance, is that alright?"

"Yes Kelly, that's alright. When I was little, I liked to run and play and when I grew up, I became a policeman like my Dad."

"Daddy, do I gotta be a policeman like you?"

"No, you can be who you want to be."

That was just before my daddy passed away in the line of duty. He was called in because another policeman called in sick. Daddy went in because he was always ready to help out, but this time, he wouldn't come back.

"Honey, I have to go in." [I wonder who in the Hell has called in sick THIS TIME?']

"Damn it Stu, can't somebody else go in? Kelly was all set to go with you to the park today and play catch." ['I love him, but at times, his job gets in the way.']

Then he hugged momma, "I know Honey, but I swore an oath that I must fulfill. This is my week to be "on call" remember, he sighed. ['I hate disappointing my son, I hope that he understands one day.']

"I know Stu, it's just that you keep on missing out on playing with Kelly. It seems as if your buddies are conspiring to keep you busy." ['And they know that you'll help out if they ask.']

"Heck, I'm the next one up for promotion in the department. When the next class graduates, I'll get promoted to Detective."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Captain Branch promised me when I transferred from teaching at the training camp."

Then she gave daddy a big kiss, "Take care Stu." ['You've been wanting to be detective ever since you joined, and now, as a detective, you can spend more time with us.']

Then I walked into the kitchen still in my pajamas, "daddy? Why are you in uniform?" [' I hope he ain't going in.']

Then daddy scooped me up in his arms, "I am sorry Kelly, but a fellow officer called in sick and it is my duty to take his place." [' I won't spank him if he throws a fit because I'm breaking a promise.']

"Oh darn it!! I was hoping that we could go to the park and feed the ducks and picnic," I pouted.

"Me too, [sigh] ' Why don't you ask Mister Woods what they're doing today? I know that Julie and Johnny love it when you play with them."

"That sounds like fun daddy, but I'll miss you," then I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Then he hugged me close and put me down, " I promise you that after Church, we will have a picnic and feed the ducks at the park."

Then he kissed momma and left, that was the last time that we saw him alive. He died in the Line of Duty that day and never came home. To this day, I can never look at a policeman without thinking of my daddy. That is why I don't understand those that belittle those in Law Enforcement, perhaps if their Daddy was a policeman, they'd understand me better.
 
 

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Let me introduce you to my momma: Terri Lynn Moore is my momma. She is a natural green eyed redhead like me. She weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and is only 5 feet tall just like me. We look like Redheaded Olsen twins.

Whenever we go out, people think that we are twins which makes my momma's day, the only real difference is that momma has a few wrinkles around her eyes. She likes to knit, crochet and sew. She has made all of our clothes.

The only clothing we have bought is hosiery, lingerie and socks. Momma also has made several quilts and comforters. She loves giving away her quilts at Christmas and donates several to the church every year.
 
 

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It was later that day about supper time that we heard the front doorbell ring, " Kelly, are you clean?"

"Yes momma, I just washed up for dinner," Momma still bathed me every night before bed and did so until I went into the first grade.

"Then come with me to answer the doorbell."

"O.K. momma," Then I ran up to her with slightly wet hands as she headed out of the kitchen where she was preparing our hamburger macaroni and cheese dinner, one of my favorites to this day.

"Well, I see that you didn't dry off", she giggled. ['My little ragamuffin never seems to dry off.']

"You said that you wanted me, so I kinda didn't dry off."

"That's alright Sweetie, you did as I asked.

"I know," I laughed.

Momma opened the door after checking out the porch through the glass paneling. Then when she opened the door, I saw two policemen standing at the door. As she let them in, she asked. " To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" [Please let it be good news.']

The older one was an elderly black man with a gray hair. He was almost as tall as my daddy, besides him was a curly haired blond with blue eyes. He looked like a surfer dude. "Mrs. Moore, my name is Harold Branch, I am your husband Ed's commanding officer, with me is Officer Donald Whitehead." ['Dear God, why must he have such a young child? This will be harder than I thought.']

As Momma led them to the den, she asked as she sat down and put me in her lap, "where's Stu? Is he alright?" [Is my nightmare finally made real?']

Then I saw the Captain slump into Daddy's chair as if he were a rag doll, "This is one duty that I dread as the Captain Mrs. Moore,,," [I am getting too old for this.']

Then Momma wailed, "NO!!! HE CAN"T BE DEAD!!" ['WHY LORD!?! WHY?!']

Then I looked at momma as I saw her cry. Momma? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Then she hugged me to her, "Oh Kelly, your daddy is never coming home again." ['The only promise he broke was to you.']

"Why momma?" ['Why is momma crying?']

"Because he has gone to Heaven." ['Please God, we need help!!']

"NO!!! DADDY CAN'T GO!!" Then I began to cry like Momma was because I knew then that I had no Daddy.

Then the Captain cleared his throat, "Mrs. Moore, I am truly sorry, but I want you to know that Ed gave his life to save another." ['Small consolation, but Stu died a hero, unlike THIS beside me.']

"Please tell us how he died then." ['Knowing Stu, it was in the line of duty.']

"Please sir, I wanna know how daddy went to Heaven." ['Why is my daddy dead?']

"There was an accident where a delivery van crashed into an apartment complex. The van caused a lot of damage and there were several people there trapped under the debris. Ed went in and brought several out, but when he went back for a baby, the roof caved in on him. He saved the baby, but at the cost of his life," he sighed. ['Oh Stu, why did it have to be you? Why didn't you let the firemen go in that final time?']

"What about the driver? Is he being held responsible?" ['I need to know who's responsible.']

"No Ma'am, A tire blew out on the van causing him to lose control. he also died in the accident, and we are investigating everything about the tire." ['But in that neighborhood, probably a nail or a pothole.']

"Sir, is the baby alright? Daddy loved babies and wanted to adopt a baby girl." Then I saw momma nod yes as she wept again.

"Yes Kelly, except for being scared, the baby is fine, And the parents want to name the baby after your husband to honor him." ['Can't think of a better way for them to honor Stu.']

"Is the baby a boy?" ['Cause Daddy has a boys name.']

Then the Captain grinned, "Yes, he's a boy." ['Even now, this child cares for others. He has a heart of gold.']

Then momma looked at the other Officer," Why are you here?" ['Are you the reason that my Stu is dead?']

"I am the one that called in sick." [' It should have been me on duty, not him.']

"Funny, you look alright to me." ['Stu never drank when he was on call, and if he'd drunk earlier, he'd have declined.']

He looked down at his feet, unable to look at my momma, "Ma'am, I got drunk last night and woke up with a hangover. That's why I called in sick," he fidgeted.

Then Momma got up and slapped him hard, "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT STU IS DEAD BECAUSE YOU GOT DRUNK?!?! HOW DARE YOU WEAR THAT UNIFORM YOU BASTARD!!!" ['YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO WEAR IT!!!']

Then Momma began to cry again as the Woods came in and when Mrs. Woods saw my Momma, she gathered me up in her arms, "What's wrong Kelly?" ['Has Stu finally been hurt? That man is so selfless that I worry for his safety.']

"Daddy has gone to Heaven," I sniffed as I dried my eyes.

Then she picked me up and fiercely hugged me "Oh Kelly, I am sorry for you dear, what happened?"

Then momma looked up at her, grateful that Mrs. Woods held me, "Oh Andrea, it's the worst ever!! Stu is dead!!"

Then Mister Woods took me from his wife and let out a howl of rage, "STU!! I VOW TO RAISE KELLY FOR YOU!!"

"Chuck, I think that Kelly needs to play with our children right now, " Then he passed me back to his wife as I wept for my daddy.
 
 

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Oh yeah!! Meet Andrea Lynn Woods, my best friends mother. She is a tiny Asian woman whose parents owned and operated a restaurant. When her parents, died, her husband took it over & added it to his collection of restaurants. She loves to paint and do jigsaw puzzles. She has given away framed and completed puzzles as gifts.

And her husband is Charles Tyler Woods. He is a tall and rugged blue-eyed blond who looks as if he could easily be a lumberjack with his long hair and facial hair, or the next Fabio for Doctor Ruth.

He went into the restaurant business with his dad and expanded "Wood's Family Restaurant into a local chain catering to the different tastes after his dad retired.. When the local grocer closed shop, Mister Woods added it to his stores as well as a catering outlet.

Since then he has opened up a Cooking School where he creates new dishes for his customers and we get to sample his creations too.
 
 

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Then she put me down gently, "Go and play with Johnny."

Then I scampered away to where the twins were standing. "Come on Kelly, let's watch cartoons."

"O.K. Julie," Then we went and turned on the T.V. while the adults talked. I can't tell you what we were watching because I was thinking about my daddy. We used to play in the yard playing horsie and playing touch football and tennis. At times, Julie and Johnny would join us or we'd go play on their swing set.

But now, who would be my daddy?

While we watched cartoons, Mister Woods showed his anger towards that bad cop, I never knew that he could be so MEAN!!!

He went up to that bad cop and pulled him up by his lapels, "YOU BASTARD!!! YOU!! ARE WHY MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD!!! NO DOUBT TERRI SAID THAT YOU ARE NOT WORTHY TO WEAR THAT UNIFORM!! STU AND I ARE FRIENDS WITH THE COUNTY CONSTABLE ROBERT CONRAD!!! YOU WILL NEVER WORK IN CIVIL SERVICES AGAIN!!!!!"

Then the bad cop wet himself in fear of Mister Woods, "You (sob)are assaulting(choke) a police*shudder) officer. "

"No, you're dismissed from the force, no benefits."

."But sir, I .."

"You are to face a Summary Hearing. And prison as well." Then he looked at Mister Woods, Sir, please let him go."

Then Mister Woods dropped him, "My pleasure."

Then the Captain escorted the bad cop out as the adults all wept bitter tears for my daddy.
 
 

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I didn't sleep well that night. I kept on reliving that afternoon whenever I closed my eyes. I finally got up and went to momma where she was sitting at her vanity crying as she held a picture of daddy in his Dress Uniform.

"[sniff, sniff] Oh Stu,[sniff, sniff] I miss your strong arms around me!![sniff, sniff] Now that you're gone, [sniff, sniff] I'm all alone!!!" she wept.

"[sniff, sniff] Momma,[sniff, sniff] you still have me [sniff, sniff] I began crying again, missing my daddy.

Momma picked me up. "Oh Kelly, I know that you're here, but Stu, your daddy is gone and I don't know what to do without him."

"Is there anything that I can do?"

"You can stay with me. You couldn't sleep. could you?"

"No momma, I keep on seeing what happened when they came."

"Then sleep with me and we will comfort each other."

"O.K. momma." Then she carried me to bed and we both slept soundly.
 
 

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The next day, we went to see daddy at the Tri-County Funeral Home. It's where all civil servants are taken to when they're buried. Jefferson, Cherokee, and Choctaw counties had poled their resources to set up facilities to take care of their needs. Next to the home is the Tri-County Bus Barn and Tri-County Courthouse. The Tri-County area was blessed with abundant streams for fishing and swimming as well as a natural harbor. The only reason that our city wasn't as big as New York is that the government only added houses when a corporation was willing to set up shop here.

Well, at the funeral home, daddy looked handsome in his uniform. His casket was a rich mahogany with brass handles. The flowers around him were in every color of the rainbow. I almost didn't make it to see daddy because I was so upset, but Pastor Patrick West helped me to pull together.

Mister Woods, who was wearing his old boy scout uniform picked me up. "You look good Kelly,[sob] like your daddy." ['Please don't be a policeman, I couldn't stand to lose you too.']

"[sniff,sniff]Thanks Mister Woods,[sob] I wore this to honor daddy.[sob]"

"But would rather wear something else,[sniff] right?" ['I saw you fidgeting at your house, looking at your black suit.']

Then he passed me to his wife who was wearing her black silk gown, "[sniff,sniff] "Yes ma'am,[sniff,sniff] but I want daddy to know how much I love him." ['Daddy, I'd do anything for you!!!'

Then she passed me to my momma who was dressed like Mrs. Woods, "[sob] Oh Kelly, you could have worn anything, [sob] your daddy would have understood!! [sob] ['Even now, he wants to please, my son is still loving.']

Momma then gently put me back in my chair in between the twins who'd arrived, "[sob] I know momma, [sob] but he'd be hurt if I did that, [sob], besides, [sob] this is [sob] the last time [sob] that I can see him. [sob] " '[GOOD BYE DADDY!! I LOVE YOU!!']

"Kelly, please talk to Pastor Pat, he wants to help you if he can." ['He helped me to pull together for the funeral.']

"O.K. momma."

Then Julie, wearing her black ballerina skirted leotard and tights kissed me, "Take care Kelly, I love you." ['So handsome, like his daddy.']

Then Johnny hugged me, "Yeah, what Julie said." ['What can I do for my bestest friend?']

"Thanks everybody!!!"

Then Pastor Pat: the Pastor of the church that we and the Woods attend came over to me. He was wearing his black robe and silver sash and belt that he wore whenever he conducted the traditional service. "Kelly, I am here to help you if I can."

"Have you lost your daddy?"

Then he scooped me up into his arms, "Yes Kelly, I lost my daddy when I was in Seminary."

"Seminary? What';s that?"

"A special school that taught me how to be a Pastor, like my daddy."

"Oh, how did he die?"

"He died in his sleep, after many years of serving God."

"I'm glad that he wasn't hurt like my daddy, I am confused!!"

"About what?"

"Should I be a Police Officer like daddy or do what I want?"

"What do you want to be?"

"I don't know, but I know that I don't want to be a Police Officer."

"Has anybody been saying that you should be an Officer?"

"Yes Sir."

"Who?"

Then I pointed to slim, hatchet-faced man with thinning black hair and wearing thick glasses, "That's the one, he said that I ought to take my Daddy's place, but how? I'm way too young!!"

"Don't you worry young man. Let me and Charlie handle this!!" Then he carried me to momma and put me down by her. When I looked up, I saw the anger in his face, let me tell you, I was scared.

"Terri, Kelly just told me that a certain person wants for him to take his daddy's place as an Officer!!

"Who is this asshole?"

I pointed him out, "That's the one!!"

"Why that's Oscar Whipple, he's hated Stu ever since he caught him embezzling funds from the Police Officer's Christmas For Kids Account!! That weasel got put in jail for that, I see that he finally got out." she fumed.

"Don't worry Lynn, Pastor Pat and I will deal with him."

"Thanks Chuck."

Then they went over to him and escorted him outside, then came back a grinning from ear to ear, "Good news, he was wanted for parole violation. He's gonna be in jail for a long time now."

"Thanks."

Pastor Pat, will you take me to daddy so that I can kiss him?"

"Sure Kelly, it'd be my pleasure."

Then he carried me over to my daddy and I scrambled out of his arms so that I could kiss and hug my daddy.

Then I began to cry, tears unashamedly running down my cheeks as I sang "Daddy's Hands" by the Judds to my Daddy.

By the time that I was finished, everybody was weeping with me, then Captain Branch gently carried me to my momma who hugged me to her, "Kelly, thank you for that song, but you know that your daddy never spanked you" momma admonished me.

"[sniff] I know ,momma, [sniff, sniff] but it was either that or "Daddy, [sniff, sniff] Don't You Walk So Fast." [sniff, sniff]. But it didn't feel right."

After the funeral, both momma and I slept in the same bed to keep the nightmares away.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 2: Revelations   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After the funeral, Kelly and her momma start dealing with their loss as they mourn the death of Kelly's daddy. On the way to visit relatives, Kelly discovers a few things about herself. While at her Grandparents farm, she discovers an uncle she never knew she had, and her aunt holds a secret in her heart.

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When we got home from the funeral, we stopped outside of the Wood’s Guest House, "Terri, I know that your old place is a bit much for you two ever since Stu died. Please move into the Guest House and sell Stu's," offered Mister Woods.

Then Momma began to tear up at the kind offer, "You're right, but according to Stu's will, I am to keep it for Kelly. We decided that when we bought it, and now it's paid for along with his log cabin."

"Then at least accept the Guest House as yours Terri. Please do it for us," pleaded Mrs. Woods.

"Very well you two, but it'll be a chore to move the furniture," momma surrendered in grace.

Then Johnny spoke up, "Uh uh! The Guest House is fully furnished Mrs. Moore.

Then Julie spoke up too, "Yeah Mrs. Moore, we kids play there all the time."

"Then I guess that you urchins need a new playhouse," added Mister Woods.

"Yes daddy," they chorused.

"OK you scoundrels, I accept, but we will need to get our things unless you have already got them."

"Yep, while we were gone, I had your stuff brought over and Stu's place cleaned from top to bottom."

"Then I offer Stu's as OUR Guest House," momma declared.

"OK. lets go out and celebrate at one of my restaurants."

Then we headed off to dine out and when we got home, I slept with momma again to keep nightmares away.
 
 

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Momma took me up to see her parents and sister Debbie because she needed their support and comfort now that she was a widow. We were in momma's black Pinto wagon heading to Grandpa's farm when we stopped at a rest stop for a toilet stop.

['I don't know how my son will react when I tell him the news, *sigh*, Please LORD, give me the Wisdom that I need to break the news.'] "Kelly, they are worried about us, they want us to move in with them."

"But Momma, I don't wanna move. I love the Woods." ['Johnny, I'll miss you most of all if we move.']

I know, but now that I'm a widow, they think that I shouldn't stay in that old house." ['They mean well, but I must not let them take Kelly away from his friends.']

"Don't they know that the Woods gave us the Guest House?" ['Is that why? Sheesh!! We have a nice place to live.']

"No they don't. They think that since I sold our old home that I needed the money and that we live in an apartment." ['Living there would be way too much, we both needed a fresh start that the Woos gave us.']

"Well, if they saw the Woods Estate and our new home there, they'd be surprised. ['Especially at our new home. The balcony outside my bedroom makes a great place to camp out under the stars.']

"True Bozo, true." ['Kelly always loved that clown.']

"If I'm Bozo The Clown, does that make you Ronald Macdonald?" ['Well, my favorite 'jammies look like his costume.']

"Kelly, I'm a girl, not a guy," she replied haughtily.

"Then you could be Ronnie Macdonald, his daughter," I giggled.
 
 

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Let me tell you about the Guest House; it's built over a four door car garage with each of the four doors housing two cars. The Woods have a camper and camping trailer in the first one, Mister Woods Thunderbird and Mrs. Woods Aerostar in the next one. The third one is for car maintenance and repair. The last one is for momma's Pinto wagon and everybody's bikes.

The Guest House itself is accessed by stairways on both sides of the garage and a rear stairway in back. The right hand stairway leads into the living room and the left hand into the kitchen. our bedrooms and bathroom are in the rear where the bodacious balcony is. Momma and I have spent many a summer night there stargazing and sleeping in our sleeping bags.
 
 

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Then while we were laughing, a Catholic Priest and Nun came up to us, "Hello, my name is Father Peter Downing and this is my assistant Sister Mary Angello." ['It is good to see a family laughing in these sad times.'] Then he held out his hand.

Then Momma took his hand, squeezed it and let go, "I am Mrs. Andrea Lynn Moore and this little rascal is my son Kelly Lee." [He could be Santa Claus and she an elf, her being so tiny like me.']

"We have a Chapel here for weary travelers, would you like to come?" asked Sister Mary. ['I can see sorrow in their eyes, yet they are full of laughter. Only True Love can do that.']

I tugged on momma's arm, "Please Momma, I'd like to see the Chapel." ['Father Patrick would love to come here. I wanna see it and give a good report.']

Then Momma smiled at me, "Well, I don't see why not." Then she looked at Sister Mary," We are grateful for your kindness, I was recently widowed and we are going to visit relatives," Momma sighed.

Then Father Downing placed a gentle hand upon my Momma's shoulder, "Dear child, to be widowed at such a young age with a child to raise is a tragedy. We will help you as much as we can." ['So much like my sister who died last year. Oh, how I miss her.']

"Thank you Father, my son Kelly & I miss my husband, Stuart." ['There'll never be another man like him.']

"How did your husband die?" ['Dear God, please not a drunkard, that's how my sister died, run over by a drunkard.']

Then I spoke up, "Daddy died saving a baby from a fire. He died a hero." ['Daddy YOU are MY hero.']

"Yes Kelly, a hero, if only he had lived," turning to the Priest, "Father, why did Stu have to die? Why didn't God save him?" ['Lord, I need some reassurance in this, my Faith is weak.']

"My child, I don't have the answer, and I will not try to give any pat answers. But do you blame God?" ['I have seen so many turn bitter towards God from such pain that at times I dread my calling.']

"No,[sigh] not really. I just need an answer." ['At least he is honest, very much like Father Patrick.']

"Ask Him for the answer," he replied pointing up to Heaven.

"Momma, maybe God took daddy up so that he can watch over us." ['Hope I can help momma.']

Kneeling down before me, she placed both of her hands upon my shoulders, "You believe that?" ['Dear God, are you using my son to comfort me? Thank you.']

I smiled at momma with tears in my eyes, "Uh huh, ever since the funeral, I've felt that daddy was watching over us in my heart." ['Daddy, I miss you something awful you know.']

Then tears started flowing freely down my momma's now worry free face," Oh Kelly, I've needed to hear that ever since your daddy passed on! I can never thank you enough for freeing my heart of its pain." ['Thank you Lord for Kelly.']

I too started crying, "Your welcome momma." Then we hugged each other as our hearts were refreshed.

Then I heard the others crying, "My child, never have I seen such a pure and simple display of Love! I have been needing to see that ever since my sister died. You have helped to restore my Faith. Thank you." ['Oh Lord, you have chosen a child to lead me back to you.']

"Yes Kelly, Father Downing was about to retire, now I daresay that he will continue to serve."

"Indeed I shall."

Then momma carried me over to the Priest and he gently took me in his arms, "My sister Veronica, Daphne was run over by a drunk driver as she was escorting children to the playground at the nursery where she worked. Her husband Alexander Murray Scott is in the seminary studying to be a Methodist Pastor."

"Yes, poor Al was left without Hope, so he quit and went back to his fathers business as a carpenter."

"Is there a way that I can help him?"

Then from the nearby Visitors Building came a most happy voice, "Don't worry about me young man, what you just said spoke to my heart. Now I am ready to go back." ['It took a child's simple Faith to renew mine, Thank you God.']

Then I saw a man about daddy's size with black hair, blue eyes, wearing a red sweat suit, Thanks Kelly for opening my heart again." ['Such a sweet boy and his mother is pretty too.']

"Your welcome, but I did nothing," I blushed.

By that time, we were on the front steps of the Chapel, the outside was made to look like a log cabin with wooden shingle roof. Who ever built it was a craftsman because I could see attention to detail that only the best could create.

"Nonsense Kelly, by your words, you have helped me to Hope again. Without your coming here, I'd never have wanted to go back." ['This child is so selfless and giving, God, please protect him.']

Then the Priest looked at him with renewed Hope in his eyes, "You mean?" [Has the Lord used Kelly to bring us both back?']

"Yes my brother, I'm returning to the fold," then they hugged deeply.

"This is a truly Blessed day!!"

Then we went into the tiny Chapel. The wooden paneling and stained glass windows gave it an air of peace and quiet. We were led to Father Downing's office behind the pulpit where there was a buffet set out for us.

Momma was looking at the marvelous china with awe, "Father Downing, your Chapel is beautiful. I can see why you are here. And Sister Mary must be a wonderful help." [I'm glad that Kelly wanted to come.']

"Thank you, we love it here ourselves. Would anyone wish to pray?" ['I can see that Kelly is a loving child, To lose his father and still love shows a truly strong spirit.']

['I wanna thank God for today.'] "May I pray please?"

"Go ahead and pray Kelly," said Sister Mary for a weeping Father Downing.

"Jesus, thank you for Father Downing, Sister Mary, Mister Scott, and for lunch. Momma and I miss daddy, please help us to cope, I Love You! Amen."

"Kelly, [sniff,sniff] the Lord will most definitely say yes to your prayer,[sniff,sniff], he wept. ['The prayers of a child's pure heart, thank you for Kelly.']

"Why are you crying Father? Was it something that I said?" ['I seem to be making a lot of people cry.']

"Kelly, you and your Mother remind me of my sister. She died a year ago." ['I still miss you sis.']

Then Momma spoke up, "How sad for you, we know your grief. As you know, my husband was a policeman, he died saving a baby boy from a building." ['Funny how talking about it now I am more at peace.']

"Were there any harsh words spoken that you regret?" ['Such a fiery spirit, Scotty needs her and she needs him.']

"The only thing that momma and I regret is that Daddy was called in to replace a sick policeman."

"Your lucky, My sister Angela and I had a bitter fight before she was run over. Now I can't ask her for forgiveness."

Then Scotty and Sister Mary both placed a comforting hand upon his shoulders, "Brother, my sister forgave you before she left to safeguard the children. You weren't ready to accept her forgiveness, are you now?"

Yes Scotty, I am," then turning to Sister Mary, "I guess that I've been a bit pigheaded, haven't I?"

"A bit Peter, but now you're back on track, and even during your grief, you served admirably."

"Thanks Mary, but I'd still like to say Goodbye to her," he sighed.

"Then why not let me be her stand-in?" ['I know that Stu won't mind, besides, this way I can say Goodbye to him.']

"Thank you, Sissy, can you forgive me for not trusting you?"

"I forgive you big brother. Can you forgive me for being so stubborn?"

"Always Sissy, Always," Then they hugged and wept as healing tears freely flowed.

After that, we ate lunch and cleaned up, Father Downing led us back to momma's Pinto, "Thank you Mrs. Moore for letting me get closure with my sister."

"Glad to be of service Father, and thanks for letting me say Goodbye to Stu."

"But what about Kelly?"

"Don't worry Father, I said goodbye at the funeral."
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Then we headed on to Grandpa's. On the road, I saw lots of different types of farms, but none were like Grandpa's. His was a combination of different types. It was always fun to visit because there were always baby farm animals to ply with and I even had me a Shetland Pony to ride when I was little named Midnight due to her all black coat.

"That Priest is a nice man, almost like Daddy, Momma."

"I know sweetheart, it was like being with your Daddy again for me."

"Is that why you agreed to pretend to be his sister?"

"I'm not really sure, all that I know is that I'm glad that I did it."

Then I saw the farm, "Look Momma, Grandpa's farm! Looks like he's been busy building a new barn."

"Knowing him, more than one," she smiled as she remembered her dad's busy ways.

As we turned into the driveway, I could see a new barn and a greenhouse next to it. Grandpa Joe was always busy and Granny was too. They may have been retired, but they still worked on their farm.

As we parked, Granny ran up to the Pinto and hugged us both as we got out. "Welcome home Lynn, it's been too long, follow me to the house," exclaimed Granny. Then she turned and led us to the farmhouse.

"Thanks Momma, Feels good to be home."

"And this must be Kelly, My you are a wee thing."

Momma saw me about to tear up, "Now Momma, please don't make fun of him, I don't want him to be hurt by name calling."

Then Granny knelt before me and gave me a hug, "Kelly, I didn't mean to hurt you, it's just that you look like your Momma when she was your age."

"That's O.K. Grandma, I like looking like Momma, but please don't get a dress out for me, I smirked. ['I'll teach her *wee thing*, chuckle.']

"Why not Kelly, I've got your Mom's stuff put away." ['I can tell that he's setting me up, might as well go with it, giggle.']

"Because I am a boy, want to see?" ['Gotcha!!']

"KELLY!! You scamp!! I guess that I deserve that!!" she laughed. Then she gathered me up in her arms and hugged me, "You are so much like your Mom, it's like seeing her grow up again." ['Just like my daughter, Kelly has that silly side that loves to spread happiness.']

Then Grandpa arrived, carrying a pail filled with ears of corn for our lunch, "I agree Lizzie. Kelly is Lynn as a boy." ['Stu and Linn did a very good job of raising Kelly so far, but will she accept our help, stubborn girl.']

Then I noticed that I had no uncles, daddy was an only child, and his parents had died when he was a baby, so Granny and Grandpa adopted him, "Grandpa, why didn't you have a boy? I wish that I had an unca to play with," I sighed

Then I hear them cry as Grandpa handed the corn to Granny as he picked me up, "We had a son Kelly,[sniff, sniff] but he isn't here now", Grandma sighed. ['Lord, the pain is still fresh, but it's time for him to know.']

Then I looked all around, "Where is he then?" ['I wonder if he's he a Park Ranger like daddy wanted to be.']

Then Grandpa let me down as Aunt Debbie paled in fright, "Oh, he's here now, want to see him?" ['Debbie, be strong my child, he doesn't know.']

I saw Granny and momma try to comfort Aunt Debbie as she wept, "Sure Grandpa, what's wrong with Auntie?" ['If he's here why is she so afraid? Maybe they had a fight.']

Then he led us to a small fenced in garden with a stone cross embedded in the ground. On the cross was written an inscription:'
Jonathan Murray Moore
Born March 1, 1966 Died October 31, 1980
Beloved Son And Brother

"What happened?"

Everybody was crying when Aunt Debbie came up, "It was a terrible accident that took my brother's life.[sniff, sniff] We still mourn his loss," she wept. ['How can I help him with his loss? Will he become Kelly girl? I see the signs.']

Then I started to tear up as I thought about daddy, "Like my Daddy?" ['Jesus, why was he killed? Was he a Police Officer like daddy?']

Then grandpa responded with a whisper because he was hoarse from crying, "Yes, but unlike your Daddy, my son Jon was attacked by other boys, he died from the attack." ['There's no need to tell Kelly why, he's too young to understand.']

Then I balled up my tiny hands into fists and made like I was punching someone, "Were they punished?" ['Daddy had instilled in me the concept of 'Right and Wrong'.']

Then his voice grew firm and hard, "Your Grandpa made sure they were." ['Debbie, you were born when Jon died, if I'd been there, you would still be Jon.']

Then Grandpa picked me up and hugged me, "I did it only after they got out without being punished. I couldn't let them get away with it," he sighed. ['Only Debbie's voice kept me from killing them, as it is, they died soon after in prison.']

"You mean like that policeman that caused Daddy to die?"

"Exactly, but that cop is not in prison, or is he?" ['If I'd been there, I'd have thrashed him, but good. As it is, I've made sure that no farmer up here will hire him.']

Then wile looking at the marker, an idea came to me, "May I say something to my Uncle Jon?" ['I know that daddy will like what I'm about to do.']

"Sure sweetheart," replied Grandma as Aunt Debbie smiled at me as momma opened the gate for me.

Then Grandpa let me down, and I came up to the cross, "Uncle Jon, I guess that you're up in Heaven with my Daddy, looking down on us. I wish that I could've met you, I think that you, me and Daddy would've had fun playing. Bye now."

When I turned around, I saw everybody crying again, then Aunt Debbie picked me up and we all headed to the farmhouse, "Thanks Kelly, Jon was my twin brother." ['Now I will look after you, because I can tell that in time you will become Kelly girl.']

['I wonder if he was like daddy.']

Was he like you?"

"Yes, very much like me."

Then we headed back to the house for dinner, as we entered, Grandpa asked, Should I boil or nuke the corn?'

"Just put them in the pot after you shuck 'em. And put shucks in the can for the hogs," ordered granny. ['he knows what to do, the scoundrel.']

Then grandpa saluted granny, "Should I do any push ups Sarge?' he asked in a mocking tone. ['She's still my sweetheart after all this time, I was lucky to find her in Basic training. One of the few good things to come out of the Vietnam War for me.']

"No, but you are to report to my quarters tonight, Soldier." ['After all this time, the old goat can still excite me, too bad I couldn't have more children after Terri, but cancer ended that for me.']

Then momma exclaimed, MOMMA!! Please remember that Kelly is a baby!!" ['Those two are still active after all this time, no wonder they are so young at heart.']

Then Granny giggled, "I doubt that he knows what I mean Terri."

But Grandpa chuckled back, "Don't be too sure you two, he was smiling after you ordered me to bed." ['Guess she forgot about how smart our kids were, the rascals.']

Then momma looked at me with a smirk, "Well Sport?" {'I learned not to take him for granted when he learned to talk.']

Then I smiled sheepishly, "Momma, Grandpa is to report to Granny for some cuddling," then I looked at granny, "Sorry granny, but I may be a kid, but I know because momma and daddy used to play "Cop and Convict" in their room."

"KELLY! THAT'S NOT TO BE SAID AGAIN!!" momma giggled.

"Yes momma," I smirked as my grandparents laughed at us.

After dinner, Momma and I went home with loads of Grandma's and Aunt Debbie's cooking. After we put everything up, we went to bed, grateful for the visit.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Momma hated having to work as much as she did, she wanted to be there for me, but since Daddy died, she was responsible for paying the bills. Even though she could have stayed home and let the Woods support us, she couldn't do that and live with herself.

But the first night that Momma came in late was when I started to finally deal with my grief. I was with Julie and Johnny When it happened. We were playing outside when my clothes got muddy after I fell as we played catch. I can still remember Mrs. Woods face when she saw me.

"KELLY, WHAT HAPPENED??" [As if I can't see, she laughed to herself.]

"I fell in the mud Mrs. Woods." I laughed. [I don't think that she's mad at me.]

"Well child, get your muddy self to the shower and clean up."

"But I don't have anything to wear except for spare undies."

"Don't worry, you can borrow from Julie or Johnny, Now get to the shower." she giggled.

I learned that Mrs. Woods was thinking about my small size compared to Johnny; [ Kelly is so small that Johnny's clothes are way too big, but Julie and Kelly are the same size. Looks like it's Julie's clothes. Good thing that she has some that she tore up. Won't take long to mend.]

Then she began sewing on Julie's torn clothes when Julie came to her., "Whatcha doing Mom?"

I'm fixing a few of your torn tops and shorts for Kelly."

"Cool, can I help?"

"If you don't mind, please sort out the plain tops and shorts, no lace or ribbons."

"Sure Mom, only my dresses and skirts have lace or ribbons on them."

When I got out of the shower, Mrs. Woods helped me to dry off and then led me to her bedroom where I donned my briefs and white top and shorts. Then I went to the bathroom where she was waiting for me," Here you go Kelly, we have a nice outfit for you and It’s not the least bit girly."

"Cool Mrs. Woods. I don't mind Julie or you wearing lace, but not me," I laughed.

Then I donned my undies, and the top and shorts. Even though they were girl’s clothes, they looked like boys to me.

"We have another shirt for you to sleep in of Johnny's for you."

"Why a shirt?"

"You have no pajamas here, that's why."

"Oh,."

That night, I slept peacefully with my friends. The Woods were ready for me to have a nightmare that night, but wearing Julie's clothes helped me.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 3: Tinkerbell   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   As Kelly and her family and friends get on with living, Kelly seems unable get past the funeral as she continues to sing that song. Yet Kelly has a plan unknown to everybody. It is after a fateful costume party that Kelly discovers the girl within.

---

 
Waking up from my slumber, I knew a away to pull a prank on the twins. I had continued to sing Daddy's Hands and even Daddy Don't You Walk So fast on the way home and all night. They'd asked me to stop several times, and I did, but the Woods and momma saw that T was deliberately goading the twins and let me sing.
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Mister Woods: ['I can see that that scamp Kelly is singing to get the twins worked up but good! I won't stop him because it's his way of dealing with his daddy's death. My children miss Stu too, but they won't let themselves grieve because they love Kelly and want to help him. No doubt after this blows over my children will grieve in their fashion.']
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Mrs. Woods: ['That little scoundrel Kelly is going to do something to get the twins to stop moping about. They loved Stu and miss him, but are letting Kelly have his time..']
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Momma: ['I can see that Kelly is setting his best friends for a prank, THAT IMP!! I'm glad that I'm not his victim. He's a real Entertainer no doubt about it.']
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
After the funeral, my momma and I grew very close as we comforted each other. For a while, all that I did was cry and sing that song, but in time, my two best friends broke through my shell and brought me back to reality.

"Kelly, if you keep on singing that song, I'm gonna smack you!!"

"Why Johnny?"

"Because we want to play, not listen to that song again!!"

[sigh] "You're right Julie, it's time to play, besides, I have it on tape," I deadpanned.

"DON'T YOU DARE!!!!!" they both exclaimed.

"Got'cha," I laughed.

Needless to say, we got into a pillow fight. The poor pillows never had a chance as we turned them into goose feathers and cloth in our romping good time. All of our yelling and whomping each other had the unwanted effect of BOTH of our mothers catching us in mid whomp.

"KELLY LEE MOORE!!! FRONT AND CENTER!!" Yelled my momma.

"JULIE AND JOHNNY!! ATTENTION ON THE DOUBLE!!!" yelled Mrs. Woods.

There we were still in our underwear, Johnny and I in a t-shirt and briefs while Julie wore "Batgirl" underoos with matching pantyhose. She wore pantyhose all the time, just like her Mother, but most of the time it was leotard and tights as she went to dance class.

I dropped my pillow and sheepishly stood in front of my Mother. I was expecting to get a spanking from both adults for ruining those pillows, but that wasn't the case, "What do you have to say for yourself young man?"

"[sniff,sniff] I'm sorry momma and Mrs. Woods, it's all my fault," I sobbed.

"No Kelly, Johnny and I are guilty too"

"Yeah, we helped out too Mrs. Moore."

Then they both grinned like the Cheshire Cat, "We're not mad about you kids finally having fun instead of Kelly singing and you two getting madder at him, No, we are glad to see that you're finally playing."

"Yes, but I DO hate it that my pillows got killed. Oh well, at least they died for a good cause."

"Sorry about that Mrs. Woods, but when they complained about my singing, I told them that I had it on tape, THAT'S why we had the pillow fight."

Then she gathered me up in her arms, "Oh Kelly, you Imp!! What will we ever do with you?"

"Hug me."

Then I was subjected to a group hug, "My son, since you accepted responsibility for the pillows, we will go and get some new ones."

"And since it's Halloween, it's time to go get your costumes, so we will do that too. Have you kids decided what you want to be?"

"I wanna be Peter Pan Momma."

"And I wanna be Wendy."

"I wanna be Captain Hook, that way me and Johnny can have fun with those toy swords."

"You know better than that Kelly."

"Mrs. Woods, their plastic, how can we get hurt?"

"Andrea, our kids are responsible, besides, it's for Halloween."

"O.K. then, you can have the swords."

"Yippee!!" we both yelled out.

"You kids get dressed and we'll go."

Then we piled into Mrs. Woods Aerostar minivan and headed for the mall where momma bought the pillows while Mrs. Woods took us to get our costumes.

It was there that momma and I were to encounter people that mistook me for a girl for the first time. A beautician on lunch break saw me walking with mom, and said out loud, " Miss, you and your daughter should enter the Mall's Annual "Mother/Daughter's Twin Contest, she looks adorable in her sailor suit."

"Ma'am, I will have you know that that is MY SON, NOT MY DAUGHTER!! "

"Terri, want to file a complaint?"

"Momma, why does she think I'm a girl?"

"Yes Andrea, she has confused my son."

"Please Miss, I apologize!! your son looks so cute and that long, wavy hair makes him look like a girl."

Then I went and hugged her, "That's alright Ma'am, I know you meant no harm."

"Well, thank you Little Man, you are so sweet."

"I agree, Kelly is my boyfriend," announced Julie.

"And my bestest friend!" declared Johnny.

"Momma, please don't hurt her, she meant no harm."

"Alright Kelly, I won't complain, how can I refuse my sweet boy's request?" then we went into the Mall.

Many people have thought that me and momma were twins and we have had fun since then when I grew older at Halloween dressing up in costumes, but other than that, we each dress in our own styles.

The "Mall" is the Tri-County version of the "Super-Mall." The "Mall" has all of the national department and the specialty stores surrounding the interior where the restaurants are located along with a 10,000 seat theater for plays and concerts. In the basement is the sports complex with the basketball court, bowling alley, figure skating rink, roller skating rink, and tennis court.

Which reminded me that it was at the Halloween Party during my fifth year that everything changed for me. When we got home from the Mall, we decided to watch Peter Pan. After watching the movie we went to don our costumes when I saw that it was a Tinkerbell, the wrong costume.

"Johnny? Where is my Captain Hook costume?" I saw Tinkerbell on the package, not Capt. Hook. I’d had my heart set upon the mock sword fight we had planned. I even had a fake hand and hook ready.

"This should be it," he held up the green package, looking looked at it, then blushed when he realized the mistake. He was could be so dense at times and still is at times.

"No Johnny, it is a Tinkerbell costume, silly. You think that Julie might have mine?"['Did she switch costumes?'].Then Julie came into the foyer wearing her Wendy costume. She was real cute in that pink dress and white tights.

"How do I look as Wendy, guys?" Julie was a sweet girl with expressive eyes who loved to play dress up, especially as Barbie.

"You look great, Julie, and Johnny is a dapper Peter Pan, but they gave me the wrong costume. If it's not here, then where is it?" I sighed with a pout. Johnny and I loved to play together and Julie was tomboy enough to get into our make believe fights.

"What happened, Kelly?" Julie asked, as she came over and hugged me to her. She was always looking out for others she grew up to be a wonderful Family Doctor.

"They gave Kelly a Tinkerbell costume, not a Captain Hook," said Johnny. ['Duh! Like I said before, DENSE!!']

"Oh my, it's too late to swap it, does it fit?" Asked Julie as she began to study the package.

['Me wear a dress? HARDLY'] "I don't know, besides I am a boy, not a girl." I'd never worn a skirt or a dress, all though I had worn Julie's shorts and tops before, [but not her undies] when mine were messed up because Johnny's were too big for me.

"Why don't you wear it so we can see? If you don't like it, I will switch with you, after all, I AM a girl," Julie giggled. She always saw the bright side. She had often called me her sister Kelly whenever I wore her shorts or tops. and I I’d kinda liked it. too.

"You two promise not to make fun of me?"['Would I make a pretty girl or be a boy in a dress?'] I wondered.

"We promise," they chorused.

Then I grabbed my costume and started to put it on because I trusted them. "You need to wear pantyhose with that, "said Julie informed me.

"Why? I have never worn pantyhose before," ['What does hose feel like?']

"Because it is cold outside, and pantyhose will keep you warmer. Besides, this is the type of pantyhose that I wear when I skate." And she always looked so darn CUTE in her skate dresses and still does.

"O.K." ['I like the way your legs look in hose, so WHY NOT??']

Then after I had disrobed, I donned the pantyhose that Julie got for me. She told me how to put the pantyhose on each foot, then gently pull them up so as to avoid any snags or runs. I liked the way the hose felt and how the way they gave me a girl's groin. Looking at myself in the mirror, all that I saw was a girl and I liked what I saw, would they like the new me too?

"Hey, now I look like you Julie." I said with a grinned. I danced around slowly to display my new look. ['I wonder if I should sing something?']

"WOW!! you sure don't look like a boy now, Kelly." said Johnny was aghast with wonder. ['Kelly looks cute s a girl.']

I felt so different wearing this stuff now that I looked like a girl. Then I went over and kissed Johnny," Thanks, Johnny" It felt right to do it, too. I was a girl kissing a boy right now.

"Just like a girl," giggled Julie giggled as she wiped her eyes. [‘Like a girl? Well, why not? I was wearing hose']

"Well, in these pantyhose, I feel like a girl." I blushed. Then I donned the costume. As I slid my legs into the costume’s brief, I knew that I wanted to be Tinkerbell. When I looked in the mirror, and all that I could see was a cute ginger headed girl in a green dress. There is was no hint of boy about me and I could see that my friends thought so too.

"Kelly, you make a fantastic Tinkerbell!” Johnny He was looking me up and down I began to wonder why. I was his friend, not a girl, did he see me as a girl?

"Thanks, Johnny." Then he reached over and gently kissed me on the cheek. ["Why did you do that?" 'Was he crazy? Was I for liking it?']

"I wanted to kiss the prettiest girl at the party." he blushed. Johnny, being shy around girls, tended to blush whenever a girl paid any attention to him, and he still is.

"Thanks Johnny, but I am still a boy under all of this." [‘But I feel so wonderful, is this what Julie feels when she wears a dress?']

"I know, and you are my best friend. It's hard to believe that you make such a pretty girl. When I saw you dressed as Tinkerbell, I see a girl, not a boy." he blushed.

[‘So, he DID see me as a girl] "I am?" ['I just had to be sure.']

"Yes, who else would I let be around my sister?" he huffed. ['I only trust you, my brother, although you look like my sister now.']

"Even if I am in a dress?" ['And certain.']

"Yes."

['WOW!! I never would have guessed that.']

"Kelly, you are so pretty that I’m jealous," Julie giggled. “You look so cute as a girl, Kelly. But something is missing from the costume.”

I blushed. "AWW, don't be.” 'But I felt great as Tinkerbell, was I now a girl? I was beginning to like it too.']

Julie left the room for a moment. When she came back, "Not to me you ain't," she giggled as she placed a blond wig upon my head. ”There now, NOW you look the part." ['Can't have Kelly's auburn hair mess up the costume.']

"What are you doing that for?" asked Johnny before I could, I was too shocked to react.

"Tinkerbell is a blond, not a redhead, like Kelly here is. Johnny, you can be oh, so dense at times.” ['But I still love my brother.']

Looking at my reflection, I saw Tinkerbell, not me, "Thanks Julie, now I actually do look like Tinkerbell."

I was all so caught up in how I looked, that I totally ignored Julie and Johnny looking at me. When I did finally look at them, he was smiling at me, while she looked at me for a moment, then she went over to her jewelry box. Julie finally comes overcame back with some jewelry. "You want me to wear that jewelry too?"

["I've never worn jewelry before, but why not? It was only Halloween.'] "Why not?"

Then she grinned at me. “I want to see if Kelly you will make as a good Princess as I think you will now."

Soon I was wearing clip on plastic ruby earrings and matching necklace and bracelet. I looked like a Princess of the Fairies, and I felt like it, too. "I do look like a Princess," I said in awe.'[Was this really me that I see in the mirror?']

“Daddy calls me that all the time, Kelly. It makes me feel special knowing that I am my Daddy's Princess and now, you are a Princess too." she whispered in awe in my ear as if conferring a special honor.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Johnny told me much later, he’d been thinking, ['Kelly is very pretty as Tinkerbell. I simply can't believe that I'm seeing my best friend as a girl now. Could Kelly ever really be a girl like my sister Julie? But he's my best friend, NOT a girl. I know one thing though, even if Kelly was a girl, we'd still be best friends.']
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
'Here I am wearing a dress and my two best friends see me as a girl‘ all because of a mix up in my Halloween costume. Was I a boy now or a girl? Did a dress make me a girl? If so, did I want to be one? Would my momma want for me to be her daughter instead of her son? Did I want to be a daughter for my momma?'
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Julie later told me that she wondered, 'Kelly really does make a pretty Princess as I thought he would. Me, I love being able to sit upon my Daddy's lap and snuggling with him whenever we watch the movies. I feel so safe and secure with Daddy, but now that Kelly is dressing as a girl, will he want to snuggle with my Daddy too?
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Then Mrs. Woods came into the room . Now the mystery was solved. It turned out that she had made a mistake in picking up my costume. There was another customer there had been there that day getting their order at the same time. Mrs. Woods had simply grabbed the wrong one without noticing. She hadn’t even noticed it yet. "Are you kids ready?"
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Oh yeah!! Meet Andrea Lynn Woods, my best friends Mother. She is a tiny Oriental woman whose parents owned and operated a restaurant. When her parents, died, her husband took it over and added it to his collection of restaurants. She loves to paint and do jigsaw puzzles. She has given away many framed and completed puzzles as gifts.

And her husband is Charles Tyler Woods. He is a tall and rugged blue-eyed blond who looks as if he could easily be a lumberjack with his long hair and beard, or the next Fabio for Doctor Ruth.

He went into the restaurant business with his Dad and expanded "Wood's Family Restaurant into a local chain catering to the different tastes after his Dad retired. When the local grocer closed shop, Mister Woods added it to his stores as well as a catering outlet.

Since then he has opened up a Cooking School where he creates new dishes for his customers and we get to sample his creations too.
 
 

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"Yes Mom, but there’s been a mistake in Kelly’s costume also." Julie answered with a pout. She could be a real Drama Queen when she wanted too.

"Oh?" Then Mrs. Woods came running into the room turned around. When she saw me, she gasped in surprise. "Kelly, is that you wearing that Tinkerbell costume?"

"Yes ma'am." I blushed. 'This was so embarrassing. I never wanted all of this fuss that was being made over me.'

"I can't believe what a beautiful girl you make." she said in astonishment. "It's too late to get an exchange, since the store is closed for the night. Sorry about the mix up, but I must have grabbed the wrong package by mistake." I could tell that she was concerned about me and wanted to help as much as she could.

"It's alright Mrs. Woods, it's only Halloween." I smiled. 'I'm beginning to actually like the feel of pantyhose. Do girls like the feel too?'.

"No dear, I made a mistake at the costume shop, and you are paying for my mistake." then she sat down and begin to weep.

"That's alright, I forgive you." Then I kissed her on the cheek. 'How could I ever be mad at you?'

"Kelly, you are such a sweet boy to feel this way." she said as she hugged me to her. I hated to see her cry.

"Thanks, I kinda like the way that pantyhose feels too." I blushed as I admitted my secret out loud to my friends.

"Me too, Mom," agreed Johnny, in Peter Pan’s green tights. He had a big grin on his face too. "Johnny looks a bit girly in those tights.'

"Well, you two boys now know one of the joys of being a girl, right Julie?" she giggled.

"Right Momma,” she agreed as she giggled back.

Then, after wiping her eyes to clear away the tears of laughter, she replaced her glasses. and asked. "Are you kids ready for dinner?"

"What's for dinner Mrs. Woods?" I was getting hungry now.

"Something to fit Halloween, of course." she snickered evilly as we followed her to the dining room. Dinner was sure different tonight, she had used food dye to turn the mashed potatoes and gravy into purple and green glop and the hamburger steaks each had an eye in the center. She really loves cooking theme dinners. After eating our dinner, we helped her to pack up the refreshments in the car. She'd volunteered to make them this year.

After we ate our dinner and cleaned up, we packed up the party supplies and headed for the school where volunteers helped us to set up tables and get ready. Mrs. Woods came dressed as The Bride Of Frankenstein and was really having fun. She'd made cookies in Halloween shapes and some nifty looking dips. She loves to cook, and events like this gave her a chance to experiment and we were her more than willing guinea pigs.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
I did not know it, but the Woods were talking about me that night. It seems that they had been worried about me for awhile with me wearing Julie's shorts and tops and looking so natural in them.

Down in the school’s kitchen, Mrs. Woods was taking a break and talking to her husband. " Honey, have you seen Kelly tonight?"

"Yes I have, Sweetie. He is adorable. Why is he Tinkerbell?" he asked. He had come dressed as the Frankenstein monster from work.

"I got the wrong package at the shop,” she began to cry. Then Mister Woods held his wife as she wept. "Why are you crying, Sweetie?"

[sniff]"I can not believe what a pretty girl Kelly makes." [sniff]" He has a natural grace and beauty about him as if he should have been born a girl, not a boy." [sniff] "Will he grow out of his feminine manner or will he stay as he is? [sniff] He looks like a girl whenever he borrows Julie's shorts and tops and he has been mistaken for a girl more than once."

"We promised his Father to help raise Kelly. If He chooses to be a girl, I will support him in his choice, will you? As for Julie's stuff, we can get him some boys stuff to keep over here."

"Of course I will, but this is my fault. Will I be forgiven? And has my mistake hurt Kelly? Will he become a girl because of me?"

"Knowing Kelly, he has forgiven you already and his Mother will too. You need to forgive yourself. If he becomes a girl, you will have simply given Kelly the means of discovering who he really is inside"

"I know my Beloved, but we started it by letting him wear her clothes, will GOD forgive us?"

"Well, our God is a loving God, so yes, He has already forgiven us."

I didn't know it, but she was worried 'I am worried about Kelly. He has decided to be a girl whenever he comes over. I see that Johnny treats him like he's a girl, but is there more to it than that? Will their friendship develop into love?'
 
 

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When we went into the house," Mister Woods looked us over with a grin on his face. "Well, you kids look great in your costumes, I hope that Tink here didn't use up her pixie dust or we'll have everything floating away."

"Gee, Thanks, a lot Mister Woods," I curtsied. He loved to tease me, and I liked it too.

"Kelly, you're being silly," he chortled in good humor.

"Well, I do feel silly. I AM in a dress," I giggled. I so wanted to get in his lap like Julie does.

"So you are, did you have fun?"

"Uh huh, Well, except for sitting in the steel chairs, yeah."

"That's what we girls put up with when we wear skirts," Mrs. Woods giggled at the three kids.

"Not me this time!" said Julie as she giggled mischievously. "This time, I wore something warm, this costume."

"No I guess not, Julie, but Peter Pan's fanny was sure chilled," Johnny chuckled as he rubbed his fanny.

"Well now, I see that you boys learned a bit about being a girl tonight,” I said Mrs. Woods with a grin. 'Set'em up.'
’
"What's that?" Johnny and I chorused together.

"That pantyhose don't stop you from freezing on a steel seat. Carry a blanket with you like I and Julie do. Time for bed." she giggled, 'Hook line and sinker'

"Mom, since my costume is a nightgown, may I sleep in it?"

"Alright, Julie, want to wear the hose too? I stated started wearing hose to bed as a girl and still do to this day. Why shouldn't you have the same fun that I do?" 'I was about your age too.'

"Well, why don't we all sleep in our costumes?" she asked.

"The boys too? Well, why not? Its only Halloween, but it's up to them"

"Me, I don't mind. It will be fun to see what tights feel like in bed." Johnny was sure feeling his legs. 'I wonder if this is what Momma and Julie feels when they wear hose? They both wear hose all the time. Johnny thought.

"Well, Johnny, you're not wearing a dress, I AM." ['If you were wearing a dress, you'd think differently Johnny.']

"Oh." he said dejectedly. 'It was only an idea.'

'On no, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings like that!!' "I would like to, too, but I do need to tinkle." I just couldn't see him look so pitiful.

"Well, if you want to stay dressed, you can," offered Mrs. Woods.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 4: Who's Who?   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After the Halloween party, Kelly finds that being a girl is something that he wants to explore. With the support of family and friends, she starts upon a journey of a lifetime.

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The twins looked at me with an eager, hopeful look,I knew what they wanted and I did too. We had yet to really spend anytime in the playhouse since daddy had died a week after it was given to us and we were eager to break it in.

"OK Mr. Woods, can we sleep in the playhouse?['As much fun as my balcony, but warmer.']

"Please daddy, we ain't played in it properly yet," complained Julie. ['It'll be fun to sleep on the rooftop patio or by the fireplace tonight.']

"Yeah daddy, and we ain't got anything in it dirty yet." supplied Johnny. [Oh oh, momma hates for us to make an extra mess for her to clean up.']

Then Mrs. Woods spoke up, "First of all Kelly, the correct term is 'MAY I', and 'AIN'T is NOT a word I want in your vocabulary you two." ['Time to "PRANK" the kids for those ruined pillows. I wonder if they forgot so soon, looks like it from their downcast looks.*giggle*']

Then momma got into the act, "Besides, we NEVER agreed to you kids staying there by yourselves overnight. I personally have my doubts about during the day! ['I hate the idea of them alone overnight in there at least for now, Later on, they can be alone when they are older. Until then, an adult is needed.']

Our hopes were completely dashed when Mister Woods chimed in, "Well kids, the mothers have spoken, I will not gainsay them in this." ['I had the playhouse built for them and us for when we need some playtime. The kids needed it it because I was afraid that they'd fall and hurt themselves on the stairs going up and down in the Guesthouse.']

[sigh] "OK momma, I apologize Mrs. Woods for using the wrong word, I began to cry.

Then my momma grinned, "Got'cha you little scamps."

"The look on your faces was priceless, I think that you've paid the price for those pillows."

"They have, besides, now I can use the feathers to make a comforter or quilt."

Then we swarmed the adults after I yelled, "ATTACK!!"

Needless to say, it was a free for all of tickling until we stopped when Julie wee’ed herself. Then we went and got ready for bed. We went to bed in the playhouse and were soon asleep. I felt as if I was a girl and I wanted to be one. I fell asleep thinking about being a girl.

I had a dream where I was born a girl, and my Daddy was alive. In it, I grew up to look just like my Momma. But best of all, there were no bad dreams. Usually When I sleep alone, I dream about daddy dying and the funeral. It ends with daddy as a zombie coming for me.

When I woke up the next morning, I got up, went inside to watch cartoons and wait for breakfast. The Woods at times would go out for a buffet and invite me to go with them if momma was working, then we'd make it a day full of fun by going to play miniature golf, skating or bowling.

Then that night, we'd either go to the movies or see one of the many tapes that were in their basement. The Woods collected movies and T.V. programs on C.D.s and video cassettes. We hardly ever watched live television. The only live programs we'd watch were sports and the news. I had tinkled and washed up, but I was still Tinkerbell.
 
 

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Let me tell you about the playhouse. It was on Julie and Johnny's fifth birthday that we got it. Mister Woods had bought four old tool sheds that were no longer needed, so he brought them to the estate where he had them connected and turned into a playhouse for us kids. The ceiling was quite low for an adult, but perfect for us kids or my Momma or Mrs. Woods as they are both tiny.

The furniture is hand-made and each room is paneled and carpeted. There is a full kitchen and bathroom and three bedrooms. the biggest serving as den. Each bedroom has an entertainment center and central heat and air.

Whenever we spent the night, the rule was that we'd have breakfast in the kitchen of the big house. The playhouse was and still is a snug little building. When the Woods gave it to us on the twins last birthday, they made quite a show of it.

We kids saw a truck pull into the backyard and stop near where Mister Woods had built a brick foundation, "Mister Woods, what are you doing?" ['Is this for the birthday party?']

"Preparing a birthday present for Julie and Johnny, Kelly." ['He's so curious, must be part cat.' chuckle]

"Really?? What is it?" I tried to peek, but he gently shooed me away and had a smile on his face, so I knew that it was something very special.

"It's a secret, you'll find out on their birthday." ['If I tell him, he'll blab it to my kids in nothing flat.']

"Darn!! Have to wait," I pouted. I was hoping that my pout would change his mind.

Then he picked me up in a bear hug, "Oh Kelly, This gift is as much for you as it is for them. I feel as if you're my son, I love you so much." ['When I became your Godfather, I adopted you in my heart and I will never regret it.']

"Then I cried as I gave him a peck on the cheek, " Thanks Mister Woods, but I still miss my Daddy." ['Daddy, I miss you every day, but I know that you're looking out for me and momma from up in Heaven.']

"I know," he wept. ['To lose your dad at such a young age is a tragedy that I hope that I can help you with.'] Then he took me to the kitchen & set me down at the breakfast bar. I looked up at him and saw him openly weeping.

"Why are you crying?" [He never cries.']

"Because I too miss your daddy,[sniff] we were best friends.[sniff] We grew up together,[sniff] and when you were born,[sniff] he asked me and my wife to be your Godparents.[sniff] When your daddy died, [sniff] we adopted you and your Mother. Now I feel as if I'm your daddy." [And I know that **Lynn** feels that she is your second mother too.']

"I love you to Mister Woods, [sniff, sniff] ever since daddy died, [sniff, sniff] you've been like a daddy to me. And Mrs. Woods as been a second mother to me, [sniff, sniff] and momma thinks the world of you, [sniff, sniff]. but...."

"You both miss your daddy." [' Dear Lord, protect Kelly, he's so vulnerable right now.']

Then I wept bitter tears of mourning for daddy while Mister Woods carried me to Mrs. Woods who was painting another picture, What's wrong with Kelly Charlie?" [Looks like they've both been crying.']

"Kelly is missing his daddy. I guess he needs to nap right now." ['I could use one myself, but I gotta go to work.']

"Thanks Mister Woods, a nap sounds fine to me." ['I am kinda sleepy.']

"Then snuggle down on the sofa dear." ['Lord, please keep the bad dreams away from Kelly.'] Then she pulled back the quilt covering the sofa.

"You just rest a bit Kelly, remember that you're family here." ['Am I ever glad that my kids and Stu are still living.'] Then Mister Woods gently lay me upon the soft cushions of the sofa and covered me with a quilt. I was soon fast asleep dreaming about Daddy being alive.

Johnny and Julie woke me up later for lunch. That's when I told everybody why I don't have anymore nightmares. I had dreamed about my daddy and me the last time that he had held me. This time, it did not end in a nightmare, but ended with daddy still alive.

I felt somebody shaking me shoulder, "Wake up sleepy head, or you'll miss lunch, said Julie. ['WOW!! Kelly didn't have a bad dream like he usually does when alone.'

"Yeah Kelly, your momma is making everybody burgers and fries." [' Hers are better than daddy's , and she won't tell him her secret.']

I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my cap, "Yummy!!! I'm coming!! Is your daddy here too?" ['I hope he is cause I want to tell everybody at the same time.']

"Yep, why do you ask?" ['And why is he so happy? It's like he didn't have a bad dream.']

Once I had the cap on, I kicked the covers off, "Because I've got something important to say to everybody, Johnny." ['An end to my bad dreams.']

Then Julie pointed to my crotch, "Careful Kelly, or you'll flash me, Julie giggled. ['I don't know how many times he's seen my panty, but I don't want to see his.']

During the nap, I'd thrown the quilt off and before sleeping had removed my shorts. The shirt that I was wearing was one of Johnny's, its hem went to mid thigh on me.

"Then turn away nosey." I laughed.

After donning the shorts I'd borrowed from Julie, we headed down to lunch on the patio where momma was grilling the burgers. She looked comical wearing that chef's hat and multi-colored apron that we kids had made from old quilting scraps, but she was having fun flipping the burgers and corn on the cob while Mrs. Woods was bringing out potato salad. Mister Woods was pouring the drinks.

"One sleeping beauty delivered as ordered," Johnny called out. ['Ever since seeing that movie, I've wanted to say that.']

"Well, about time you woke up sleepyhead, Mister Woods chuckled. ['Talk about bright eyed, Kelly sure looks happy.']

"Yeah, he's up just in time to eat as usual," giggled Mrs. Woods. ['Just like a certain Hobbit in Lord Of The Rings.']

"Hey, I didn't wake up on my own, Julie and Johnny woke me up," I laughed. ['I wonder if she saw my undies.']

"Only because you'd be impossible to be around if you missed my grilled burgers Kelly," Momma smirked. ['Just like your daddy, GOD how I miss him.']

"Yeah, then I'd have to tickle you," giggled Julie. ['And get you to wee yourself.']

"O.K., I give up, let's eat, I'm hungry!!" I exclaimed. ['Julie loves tickling me.']

Then Momma placed a platter of burgers and a platter of roasted corn on the table while Mrs. Woods placed the potato salad and Mister Woods placed two pitchers of sweet tea on the table. The patio was under an awning with mosquito netting to prevent bugs from bugging us, it also held a sink and cupboard as well as a cooler.

Momma began to inspect my hands, "Have you kids washed up?" ['He has a bad habit of forgetting.']

"Yes Momma, but you and the Woods need to also, I smirked. ['It's fun to tease Momma.']

Then Momma grabbed a towelette from the sink and wiped her hands. "Don't worry about us, we used wet naps." ['I'm glad to see him teasing me, means that he's happy again.']

Julie tugged on her daddy's arm, "Daddy, who's gonna say the blessing?" ['Hope its not too long a prayer, I'm hungry.']

Then I called out, "May I, because I have something to tell." ['Mister Woods usually prays, hope he lets me.']

"Go ahead Sport." ['I can tell that it's important to you.']

Then after everybody closed their eyes, I prayed, "Jesus, I wanna thank you for lunch and my momma and the Woods. I miss my daddy, and I've had bad dreams ever since he died. Thanks for taking them away. Amen."

Then momma smiled and dabbed her eyes from crying. "Oh my son, [sniff, sniff] ever since your daddy died, [sniff, sniff] you've been having nightmares is by yourself. [sniff, sniff] How long have the bad dreams stopped Kelly?"[sniff, sniff] ['I've prayed for this, now my prayers are answered.']

Then Mrs. Woods hugged my momma, "Oh Lynn, I know you're happy, Stu and I share in your happiness." ['My sister by choice.']

"Ever since I started wearing Julie and Johnny's clothes momma." [I wish I knew why though.']

Then Mister Woods patted my hand, "I think that I know why Kelly." [I've been reading about nightmares, and I think that I have an answer for him.']

"Why Mister Woods?"

"You feel safe in their clothes just as you do when sleeping with them or us." [Ever since my best friend died, you've needed the security of your friends and family.']

"You know, your right, I DO feel safe and secure."

Lunch that day was especially scrumptious!! From that day onward, I always wore one of either Julie's or Johnny's tops to sleep in, and at times I dreamed about being a girl too.
 
 

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Then on their birthday, he called us out to the new building, Julie, Johnny and Kelly, This building is our gift to you this year."

"But Mister Woods, my birthday is next week!! "

"True Kelly, but we decided to celebrate all of your birthdays today."

"Don't worry Kelly, I'll have a party for you and Johnny and Julie next week."

"Thanks momma," Then I hugged her.

Then we explored the building and found it to be quite comfy. There were loads of toys and games in each room and the kitchen was filled with our favorite snacks and drinks. In the bedrooms, we found that we each had clothes set aside for us.

We were itching to get to the snack tray that Mrs. Woods had prepared when Mister Woods announced, "This building is your playhouse kids. You are free to spend the weekend sleeping here as long as me, your Mother or Mrs. Moore comes too."

"Daddy, I saw only one bed in each bedroom, where will the adult sleep?"

"Each bedroom has a sofa bed and air mattress Johnny."

"What about during the week Daddy?"

"You can play in the playhouse and watch T.V. But you will eat dinner and sleep in the house Julie."

Then we had a snack supper in the kitchen and watched T.V. and went to bed in our old bedrooms.
 
 

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I never thought that I'd be spending the night in it dressed as a girl. But this was to be the first of many nights as I discovered the girl within me.

When Mister Woods saw me, he came over looking concerned. He sat down by me and was looking me over. Finally, he sighed. "Kelly, I see that you're still in your costume. Didn’t you bring a change of clothes to wear with you?"

"Yes sir." ['Am I in trouble for not changing? Was there anything said about changing last night?']

"Then why are you still Tinkerbell?" He looked so concerned, but I was so confused about everything.

"I like wearing a dress," I sniffed.['Will he understand even when I don't?']Then he sat by me and sat me in his lap. WOW! I was finally in his lap like Julie, was I now his Princess now that I was in a dress? I liked the way that his hand felt as he held me.

"Kelly?" He smiled warmly at me.

"Yes Mister Woods?"

"Do you want to be a girl like Julie?"

Mister Woods was the Father that I never had. Here he was being so nice to me. For some reason,,I knew that I could trust him. He was always making sure that he spent time with me. As I grew up, we have spent many a Saturday afternoon alone fishing & talking about things.

"I don't know, all that I know is that I like the feel of hose and skirts," I sniffed. I had finally admitted it out loud and it felt good. 'Come to think about it, I wonder if Johnny likes wearing hose too?'

"Well, you have worn Julie's tops and shorts before. I don't really see the problem."

'Huh? No Problem!! Am I hearing right?' "Yes sir, but not her undies. And this dress has attached undies." Then I lifted the skirt to show him. " See?"

Then he blushed and reached over and lowered my skirt back down and patted my hand. "I see what you mean now, you never looked like a girl before and now that you do, you are confused."

He had given voice to my inner conflict that I could not utter in my distress. He was so wise, no wonder Mrs. Woods married him. If I could have, I'd have married him then.

Then I hugged him, "Yes sir, I don't know what I am right now," I cried as I wept on his shirt. I sure did give his shirt a good soaking as he comforted me. I felt his hands holding me under my fanny as his arm supported my back just like he did Julie. That strangely comforted me to be treated like a daughter. 'Does he think of me as a daughter now? Does it even matter to him? '

After I had cried myself out, he kissed me on the forehead and sat me on the sofa again. "Kelly, if you want, you can by a girl whenever you’re over here."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Was this a dream? Would I really get to be a girl over here?'

"I guess that it is time to share my secret with you Kelly, I knew a boy years ago that wore a dress on Halloween and wore pantyhose too, when that boy went to school wearing that dress, the other boys made fun of him," he sighed as he remembered. And I could see a few tears in his eyes too.

"That was mean of them. Did anything happen after that?"

"Those boys apologized for being mean and they all became friends."

"That's nice, too bad they were mean though."

"Yes, and I don't want that to happen to you. Can you guess who that boy was?"

Then I asked in insight, "Was that boy you?"

Then he chuckled, "Yes, you are a smart one Kelly, let this be our secret."

"Sure thing Mister Woods, Was that a one time thing?'

"Yes Kelly, I never did it again, I did it for Halloween. 'He saw my secret, yet he accepts it. He is so innocent and without guile or deceit.'

"O.K. Mister Woods." This was the very first secret that I had of his to keep and I kept it safe. I learned later that he told Julie and Johnny years later.

Then Mrs. Woods came in from the kitchen and sat by me. "Kelly, would you like to be able to dress as a girl over here?" Mrs. Woods was always kind and gentle with me. Whenever I had a boo boo, she'd kiss it to make it better just like she did for her kids. I was like her third child in many ways.

"Yes Ma'am." I gushed thankfully. 'I get to be a girl! YIPPEE!!!'

"If you do, you will wear a skirt or dress and hose."

"Why hose and what about jeans and sweats? What is so special about hose?" 'Not that I mind'

"Because it is getting colder now dear, but if you wish, you can wear hose with jeans and sweats too. Thanks for reminding me, I totally forgot how hose feels under my jeans since I mainly wear dresses and skirts nowadays."

"Oh, what about shorts?"

"Alright, shorts as well," she giggled.

Then I got scared. "Why are you being so nice to me?" 'Was I sick? I didn't feel sick.'

"Kelly dear, you are best friends with our children and I heard you and Charlie talking about his secret. I was there too along with your parents. I don't want YOU hurt like he was. My husband is a sweet and gentle man very much like your Father. In fact, your Dad stood up to the bullies, and that was when their friendship started."

'WOW!! I never knew that!! '

"Thanks." Then I gave them both a big kiss and hug as Julie and Johnny came down still in their costumes. I was getting used to pantyhose now. I liked the way that made me feel and how the made my legs look better.

"I see that Tinkerbell is up, Johnny chuckled.

I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. He was embarrassing me on purpose too. I could tell by that grin on his face. But he did look good in his tights.

"Children, we need to talk, informed Mister Woods. Then they sat down across from us, looking worried.

"Are we in trouble daddy?" Sitting down, Johnny looked like a girl too, no bulge in his tights.

"No Julie, but we need to talk about Kelly here."

"What's wrong with Kelly?" Julie looked a bit silly scrunching up her face as she tried to figure out what was wrong.

"Kelly found out that he likes to wear dresses and skirts, Julie, he has worn your things before, may he wear your dresses too?"

"Sure he can, then I’ll have a sister."

"And I will have a girlfriend."

'ME? A GIRLFRIEND? WAS HE CRAZY?' I was actually beginning to like that idea too.

"Johnny, Kelly is a boy, not a girl, said Mister Woods with a frown. 'I have to nip this in the bud before either of them gets hurt', thought Mister Woods.

Then I saw Johnny's jaw drop as Julie tittered as she fell backwards. I was afraid that she'd wet herself because I was laughing too at Johnny. I found out later that she did wet herself.

"Sheesh! I KNOW that dad, but I think Kelly is so cool to want to dress as a girl and he is so pretty too," he blushed. 'Uh oh!! I think that I got dad mad at me,' thought Johnny.

"And it is up to Kelly if he is your girlfriend when he wears a dress, NOT YOU." Then he smiled at Johnny," It is good, that you actually accept Kelly dressing as a girl though. This is important to him."

"I know daddy, it's just that," he started to fidget," well, I want to protect Kelly when he is a girl, just like I do my sister Julie."

"That's very good Johnny, treat Kelly like you do your sister, be there for Kelly when he is a girl, because that's when he will need you."

Then I looked at him, '''Am I hearing right, his sister?' "Johnny, you mean that you think of me as a sister when I wear a dress?"

"SHEESH!! YEAH!! You are my brother that I never had, why not my sister too?" he was blushing big time. I never knew that he felt this way about me. Then I went over and gave him a kiss and hug that he sheepishly returned.

"Thanks Johnny, I would love to be your sister, and I know that you will be a great brother to me." Then I went and sat back down. 'I wonder if daddy would approve? I miss not having a real daddy. [sigh.]

"Julie, you will have to teach Kelly about being a girl. I know that you'll love having Kelly as your new sister to teach."

"O.K. Daddy, It will be fun," she giggled. "It will be fun teaching Kelly how to be a girl."

"And DO NOT either of you tell anybody about Kelly either."

"Why not daddy? they chorused.

"Because it is to be our secret, only we and his mother shall know."

From that day onward, I learned all about being a girl from Julie. She had several duplicates of her "BARBIE" costumes and she gave them to me to put in the playhouse. When my momma found out, she agreed and let me keep some Julie's girls clothes in my room. She let me wear girls clothes at night if I wanted too. The only thing was that she never asked me to be a girl. And I was afraid to do it with out her asking me.
 
 

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I later learned that Julie was thinking; Kelly makes such a sweet and wonderful girl that I'm glad that she is my part-time sister. I like it whenever he wears my tops and shorts so much that I kept a set ready for him and now that he is gonna be wearing dresses and hose, I get to teach him manners too.'
 
 
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While this was happening, Aunt Debbie was talking with my grandparents about me. She was worried about my future for she saw a lot of her in me.

They were in the dining room and had just finished dinner, "Momma, daddy, I need to talk about something please."

Granny looked over at Grandpa who nodded, "What is it child?"

"After seeing Kelly today, I am afraid for him."

"Whatever for Pumpkin? Has anybody threatened my grandson?" ['She must be thinking about her transition, Lord, please NOT Kelly!!!']

"No daddy,[sniff, sniff] but it's almost as bad, [sniff, sniff] I can see that Kelly will transition one day," she cried.

Then grandpa slammed his palm on the table, startling my aunt, "Debbie, know this, I was not able to stop your pain, but I WILL NOT FAIL KELLY!! YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

Then my auntie went and hugged grandpa, "Oh daddy!! if you hadn't been there, I'd have killed myself! If not for your love and granny's wisdom, I wouldn't have had the strength to continue! I hope that Kelly will be spared my pain!" ['Lord, if not for daddy, I'd be dead now.']

Then granny took my auntie's chin in her hand, "Debbie, are you SURE about Kelly?"

"Yes momma, I am." ['My nightmare shall not be yours if I can help it Kelly.']

Then grandpa began to cry, "Debbie, if I hadn't of placed the farm ahead of being your escort at Homecoming, you would still be my son. Those idiots took away your manhood and raped Terri. If young Stu hadn't of been there, I dread to think what they'd have done."

"Daddy, Stu was there and he stopped them. When he saw Terri, he had no mercy on them. If the Police hadn't arrived, he would've killed them. THAT'S why he became a police Officer instead of a Park Ranger."

"Yes, and now we must be ready to help his son. I vow to not fail him as I did you!"

"Daddy, you have NEVER failed me."

"That's right my love, please forgive yourself."

"Only after I help Kelly."

I did not know it, but without their dedication at that time, my journey would not be complete.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 5: No More Kelly Boy   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After agreeing to be a date for one of Mister Woods clients sons, young Kelly finds that the "fire" she had as Kelly boy is there for her as Kelly girl

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"Thank you Auntie, Momma told me about you just before you arrived and how you were afraid of me. How could I ever want to hurt you? It didn't matter to me that you were a boy like I am and it still doesn't. We've had so much fun whenever I visited you in the past. I need for you to know now that I am in your care that I never hated you." [ How can I ever hate her?]

"I admit that I was afraid of you, but when you started to dress more as a girl more this year, I saw myself in you and I grew afraid for you. I was deathly afraid that you'd be hurt like I was. That is why we have not been together since school started. I was afraid that my nightmares would return. I'm glad that never happened, if it had, I don't know if I could have lived with myself," she sighed. [She is much more stronger than I was back then, please LORD, let us help her.]

"When Momma said that you were afraid of me Auntie, I knew there had to be a reason, are you having nightmares now?"

"No, I'm not. And I won't have them anymore. I told her that because I couldn't face you. Until now, I never knew that I had this strength in me."[Thanks for believing in me Dad.You knew that I could face my fears.]

"Then why am I here? What changed?"

"Your Mother told me about you and Johnny and I had to come and get you before you two hurt each other as I was hurt," she sighed as she remembered what happened to her that turned her into Debbie. " If not for my Daddy, I'd have died back then, but he gave me the will to live when my life as a boy was taken away from me." [Thanks for being there Daddy, NOW I hope that you can be there for Kelly.]

"And I will learn from you now? What will I be learning?"

"Yes, from me, you will learn to develop your inner strengths as I teach you the fine arts of being a Lady by taking you to a charm school and learning domestic skills with your Granny. Kelly, just wait until Granny gets a hold of you, she will teach you what I can't." {This will be an experience for all of us.]

"Domestic? What do you mean by domestic? I don't want to be some guy's maid."

"Yes,domestic, and no, you will never be a maid."

"Good, then what are you talking about?"

"Think of what all it takes to keep a farm house clean and you'll know what skills you need to learn. Me, I think that you'll have fun learning how to can and preserve as well as sewing, kniting and crocheting from Granny." And will make you self reliant too.]

"What about Grandpa? I want to learn from him too."

"Oh, he'll teach you all about farming," [giggle]" All types since we have a bit everything here on this farm."

"He taught you?"

"Yep, and I loved learning it too. Going to the fair will be quite an experience too."

Then I thought about the fact that we were both single. Was she a virgin like I was? "Why haven't you ever married Auntie? You are so pretty that I'm sure that some guy would have already married you."

[The little imp, she knows how to get me talking and she doesn't realize it yet.] "Oh I have a guy that likes me, but he is waiting to get his own farm before I become his partner." [giggle]

"Why not as his wife, surely you're more than worth it to him."

[Just like her Mother.]"He wants to court me properly and in his eyes, that means we see if we can stand each other before we tie the knot. And he knows that I know a lot about farming."

"Does he know about your secret?"

"Yes, he knew me when I was a boy. After we dated for awhile and got to know each other, we found that we loved each other."

"He sounds very wise."

"To me too Kelly, me too."[Waiting for him is hard too, but he is worth it.]

Then I noticed that her stereo had been playing love songs," Auntie?'

"Yes Kelly?" [No doubt she'll inquire about the music.]

"Why are you playing love songs? Not that I mind."

"Because you need to listen to them. you are in love with Johnny and listening will help."

"Help me? How will they help?"

"They help me to be away from my beloved Danny, I hope that they help you too."

They did, listening to them eased my heart so that I was not pining away for Johnny as I was at first. I still missed him, but I was in control of my emotions.

By that time, we pulled into her garage where we were met by Granny and Grampa. They both were smiling big time and Granny had a pie resting on a shelf near by. I jumped out of the car as Auntie killed the ignition and ran into their out stretched arms. "Grandma, Grandpa, it's so wonderful to see you again."

~~~~~~~~~

Grandpa Joe is a gray haired version of my Daddy. He grows a bit of everything upon his farm.with those greenhouses of his.and sells his produce to Mister Woods for his stores and restaurants. He also raises cattle, pigs and poultry. His farm is the largest privately owned farm in the state thanks to Mister Woods helping him to incorporate.

Granny Lizzie Jane is gray haired version of my Momma. She loves canning, preserving using Grandpa's produce. She has won many an award at the county fair for her entries in cooking, quilts and bedspreads from sewing, knitting and crocheting that are keepsakes that she either give a presents or els and gives the proceeds to the church..

~~~~~~~~

"Kelly child, I never thought that I'd see you looking so pretty. I guess that I gotta teach you about being a farmer's wife now." I heard Grandma giggle. " And you will be a true Southern Belle too thanks to Debbie teaching you manners and my Joe teaching you farming." [Sweet child, so innocent and still pure, we got her in time.]

"And I get to teach you all about farming now too, my way of farming, not the impersonal way of big business either." I heard Grandpa chortle.[Oh Kelly my grandson turned granddaughter, I hope that you'll find yourself with us now that you're here.]

"So, you know about me wanting to be a girl?" I sobbed into their shoulders.[Would they turn me away after I got here?]

"Yes child, we know about you wanting to be a girl, that is why your Grandpa, Debbie and I agreed to help you when your Momma called us. We are all here for you when you need us."[Sweet child, who could ever harm this beautiful rose. Any that do will feel my wrath!!!]

"Thanks Grandma, for a second, I thought that you guys might send me away."

Then Grandpa took me by my shoulders and looked right into my eyes. I could see a depth of wisdom and a deep anger that was a terror to arouse. "Kelly, you are our precious grandchild. You can never do a damned thing to stop us from loving you. And now that you are here with us, we will never send you away. Only YOU will decide when or if that happens."[I must make Kelly understand that we will never abandon her. We never abandoned Debbie and now we will be there for Kelly too.]

Then I hugged them closer closer in a warm embrace as I wept tears of joy, "Thanks for loving me so much.I have been afraid of rejection ever since I hurt my Johnny. I should have never doubted you, none of you."

"That's alright child, you were worried, now no more fretting about being here." I heard Grandma giggle."

"Besides that, your Granny has a pie just a waiting for us to eat, it's cooling over there for us. Now let's get inside and eat it with some ice cream and soda." Grandpa chuckled.

Then we all went inside to sit down to eat the pie ala mode and soda. I felt so much warmth and love from them that I forgot about my problems and became their granddaughter in my heart of hearts. After we had eaten the pie and cleaned the dishes, we up to bed where I found that they had prepared for me.

"Come over here Kelly and see your bedroom, said Grandpa. It was a real girls bedroom with a canopy bed, and matching furniture. I saw a bookshelf filled with my favorite books and a computer ready for my use.

"When your Grandma and I heard that you needed a place to stay, we redecorated your Momma's old room to look like your room back home," he chuckled. " We wanted for you to have a connection with your Mother, so we bought copies of your things and a new wardrobe too when we saw that you were going to need us when school started."

"But what about Momma, where will she stay when she visits?"

"Child, don't you fret none, we have the guest room here. Silly girl, you can be so forgetful at times," Granny giggled.

"Thanks Grandpa and Grandma, I am sorry to be putting you two through so much trouble." [sniff]

"You are no trouble at all Kelly, This is your home too."[So innocent and trusting, she maybe nearly an adult, but she is still so child like in her need for love.]

"Thanks Auntie." Then I gave them all a hug and went into MY bedroom where I found that they had laid out me a sleep shirt along with lingerie and hose. I scooped them up and went into my bathroom and got ready for bed. After my shower, I donned my hose, then lingerie then my night shirt which went to mid thigh on me, then I went into my bedroom and they came in to tuck me in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That morning, we kids spent the day in the pool with our parents as a reward for our being a part of the party later on. Johnny would be there to escort the couples to their seats and help our mothers by refilling any drinks while Julie and I wore those gowns.

Well, the next evening Julie and I were both fitted for our gowns Momma decided that since we were both to dance some rather risque' dances that we'd both have built in panties. THAT way no boy could explore.

Truth to tell, I liked practicing with Julie. I might have been in a dress, but I have to relieve myself or "Little Kelly" would have caused a few problems.

"Momma?"

"Yes Kelly?"

"Why is the gown like a leotard?"

"Well, you are growing up and you don't want to hurt Julie."

"You mean by "Little Kelly" saying 'Hello,' Huh?"

"Exactly!"

"OK momma, but what about the bathroom?"

"You simply pull the gown off at the shoulders."

"Then I go?"

"Yes."

"What about the PANTYHOSE?"

"If YOU want poopy hose, THAT'S up to you."

When fitted, our gowns flowed with a matching slip and cape. I was determined to be a perfect date until Johnny came running up with his tux ripped.

"What happened Johnny?"

"[huff] Kelly, [huff] get daddy! then Johnny fell into the pool where he swam to the steps.

"DAMNIT JOHNNY! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!!" I yelled as I jumped into the pool in only a leotard. By the time I got to him I heard a splash and Mister Woods was there , carrying his son out of the pool.

"You breathe while I pump for him Kelly."

"Daddy, I'm alright, but if Kelly wants to smooch..."

"EASY BUSTER!!!"

"You just tell us WHY your tux is ruined."

"Besides dunking into the pool that is Johnny."

Daddy, you know those two boys that you have Kelly and Julie being dates for?"

"Yes."

Well, I overheard them at the tux shop saying how they were gonna score on their dates,"

"WHAT?!"

"MY GOD CHARLES!! THE GIRLS ARE ONLY TEN!!" exclaimed Mrs. Woods.

"Remember Lynn, my Kelly can take care of himself, reminded my momma.

"And I will make sure that if they try anything, that they'll rue crossing my path, right Johnny?"

Right you are Kelly. I'll be there to help trounce them with you."

"HEY!!! WHAT ABOUT ME!"

Then I saw Mrs. Woods pick up her rather distraught daughter, "Julie, have you EVER taken any martial arts classes?"

"Well, No. I've been too busy dancing and cheering. You know that!"

"Well, those two have and Kelly recently trounced a larger opponent too."

"But he trounced a GIRL!"

"Yes, to protect You and the Mascot."

"Guess that I'm being silly, huh mom."

No, not really, your heart is in the right place, but you need to let the boys handle things."

"Charles, are you sure that letting those boys dance is wise?" asked momma.

"We only have Johnny's word to go by. Besides, to NOT let them dance would let them know that we are scared to let them dance. I'll talk with their parents and if they are like the boys, THEY are out of my employ!"

"Daddy?'

"Yes Johnny?"

"Kelly and I can start teaching Julie a few moves."

"What level are you two?"

"We're both Black Belts."

"Let's show him Johnny."

"Show me?"

"Wait here daddy," then Johnny went into the Playhouse and came out with our Karate gis.

I donned mine after I went to the Playhouse to change and found Julie in a black leotard, hose and my spare gi, Since Johnny is still a bit weak, you'll teach her Kelly."

"OK Mister Woods."

Julie proved to be quite adept at learning the move and was soon able to even take down her dad who is a tall and strong man. Like his wife, they have maintained their bodies just like momma.

"Well Julie, you can handle yourself if need be." I said after she had thrown her daddy for a flip.

"Yeah, but that was practice, NOT real life. What if they know Karate?" she asked as she wiped her brow.

"That's why I taught you how to fight dirty."

"Oh?"

"Yeah sis, those moves would have got you expelled from any competition," explained Johnny who had recovered.

Then we went and got into our gowns and Johnny into his tux. All went quite well for awhile until a slow dance, Julie and I were both on the floor when I felt a pinch on my butt.

"Dave."

"What slut?"

"I take it from your tone and words that you expect me to "put out."

You got that right. And if you and your friend don't, our dad will NOT deal with Mister Woods."

"Thanks, That's all that I needed to know."

Then I grabbed him and threw him to Johnny who quickly corralled him and put him in a storeroom that we had set aside for troublemakers. The Woods saw what happened and went to find the boys parents while momma called the Police.

Then I heard what I was most dreading, "KELLY!! HELP!!!" Julie was being accosted by her date and he had ripped the front of her gown, revealing her trainer bra and chest.

I ran over and planted a fist upside his nose, breaking it while Julie ran to her dad. As I pivoted around, he tried to grab me, but I simply flipped him onto his back and stood over him.

"AT EASE KELLY!!" Came the order from Mister Woods.

"Is Julie OK?"

"I'm fine except for my gown, DAMN IT!!"

"Little girls need to watch their language," said a portly man in a greasy tux.

"Shut up Myron!! It was your two boys that caused all of this," announced Mrs. Woods.

"WHAT!?"

"Yes, your two sons decided that their dates were gonna "put out!" said momma.

"Well, boys will be boys..."

"Sir, your sons wanted sex with ten year old girls! Are you saying that Julie and I are tramps?" I asked.

"No, but I must admit that you sure did bloody Aaron's nose for him, he chuckled.

"Does that mean that you approve of what I did?"

"Yes, Aaron and Bret have been out of control ever since they joined that gang led by that defrocked preacher.

With his permission, his sons were soon in Juvenile Hall where they were deprogrammed thanks to Mrs. Woods and her connections with the psychiatric community. As for Julie, she soon caught up with Johnny and me in Karate and never needed our help against any fresh date.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
After that, my popularity with the girls grew because NOW the girls saw me as a brother, except for Julie who saw me as a boyfriend. Because of that and their parents trust, I got invited to chaperoned slumber parties. I might have seen them in their undies or sleepwear, but NOT their birthday suits.

In junior high, my antics as Kelly girl was well known, yet the boys never did gang up on me in fear of me being a queer, or whatnot. They knew that those antics were at Halloween or some occasion at school where I could dress as a girl and it became quite popular to guess what I would be.

What was fun was that a few of the guys wanted to ask me out on a date. I became popular as the SAFE DATE. All we did was go out & eat at Ronzi's; the local teen club. There, I helped the date to make up with his girl friend. I was always wearing the same shorts set with hose.

"Hey Kelly, you got a minute?" .

"Sure, Paul, what'cha need?" I had just closed my locker, and was ready to head home.

"Well, everybody in school knows about how you dress as a girl for Halloween and the school's special events, and I was just wondering if ...." He was so nervous that I could easily guess what he wanted.

"Let me guess, you want to know if I'd dress up as a girl for you, right?" I couldn't help it, but I giggled at him.

"Yeah, please do it for me!!"

"Why should I? You've been so mean to Julie, my best friend."

"I will apologize to her, Kelly, I need for you to be a girl for me!"

"Why?"

"Laura dumped me and I need for you to talk to her and help patch things up."

'I'm willing to help, but why as a girl?'

"Because only girls are allowed in the back of Ronzi's and she agreed to see you there as a girl."

"Very well, [sigh] I'll do it, but you pay for my dinner there and cover all my expenses."

"Deal!!'

Well, that was the first of my many trips to Ronzi's as a girl. Everybody was in on my open secret and I became quite popular as a girl. Best of all, I did not look too much like a guy, so strangers never knew the truth.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
About this time, Julie began to see me differently 'Kelly has become quite a charming young woman when he becomes a girl. After all of these years, I never thought that he'd be the student body's unofficial SAFE DATE for the boys. But he has become the most popular girl in school. Too bad there is no category for him in the Yearbook's Who's Who section.'

And her Dad was having similar thoughts as well 'Me, I never thought that I'd ever get to see Kelly going to the high school wearing one of my daughter Julie's cheerleader uniforms from the junior high school. I must admit that he makes a very pretty girl too. He's certainly blossomed as both a fine young man and as a pretty young girl. My son Johnny sure does like him as both a girl and a boy, but does he want Kelly as a girl? And what about Kelly? Which does he see himself as?'
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
On Spirit Day, I wore one of Julie's Cheerleader uniforms from Junior High, the boys could not believe that it was me. At Halloween. I won best costume almost every time too. I usually went as a lady superhero, but not this time. I won for best costume too. It was actually fun to go up on stage in Assembly and receive the award from the Principal and kiss him on the cheek too the approval of everybody.

"Well, the votes are in on Best Costume. Along with a plaque and coupons from local businesses, the winner will also enjoy becoming a member of all clubs and organizations here at school and the Community Center. The winner for Best Costume is; KELLY LEE MOORE!!"

I stepped up onto the stage and kissed Principal Franklin on the cheek much to the approval of the student body, only a few malcontented Goths didn't applaud, but then again, I was never friends with any of them.

"Kelly, I have had the pleasure of being your principal from elementary all the way through high school. You have always been one of the best students here. When you started coming to school as a girl on Career day, Spirit Day and Halloween, you opened up the eyes of many to the fact that we tend to peg people into stereotypes. Thanks to you, boys and girls are starting careers in field that they wouldn't have the courage to try if not for you. it gives me great pleasure to tell you that you have been given a complete scholarship to any university of your choosing."
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
When I was a freshman in junior high school, we had to see a doctor due to a new school policy. The one that I saw was Doctor Benjamin Rhodes. I didn't know it at the time, but he was a psychologist. (That means that he could 'doctor' your mind and your body.)

When he saw me, he got all excited, after my physical; he asked my Momma if he could talk to me. She agreed only after he agreed to see me with another adult present. I went into his office and we began to talk about me.

"Kelly, I saw you dressed as Tinkerbell for Halloween, why were you dressed as a girl?" ['Is he trans-gendered in any way?']

"Mrs. Woods had picked up the wrong package at the costume shop." ['Why ask me about that?']

Why didn't she exchange it?" [Did the mistake bring out the girl in him?']

"By the time that we knew about it, the store was closed."

"Wasn’t there another costume that you could wear?" [' Surely they kept the old ones.']

"Only Julie's Wendy costume, we're both the same size."

"Why did you not switch with her then?"

"Because she was wearing it already."

"Did you enjoy being Tinkerbell?" ['I wonder if being Wendy would've made a difference?']

"Yes I did, it was fun." [' does he want to know why I wear Julie's clothes?']

"I understand that you've worn other girl's costumes since then. Why?"

"I found that I actually like it."

"Are there any other times that you dress as a gill?"

"Well, kind of."

"When is that?"

"The Woods let me wear Julie's tops and shorts with my undies and shoes."

"Do you look like a girl then?"

"No, the clothes have no frills or lace, I think they're called unisex."

"Would you like to be able to dress as a girl in public?"

"Not really, I am a boy, even though I dress as a girl on Halloween and at the Woods, I like playing with Johnny Woods."

"Oh?"

"Yes, we both play on the same sports teams at the Community Center, Church, and middle school."

"When do you have any free time?"

"The Community Center is always on Saturday mornings with practice just before. The Church is on Sundays between Worship Services, and middle school practices weekday afternoon with the game on Thursday nights."

"What about Julie?"

"She's a cheerleader for our teams."

"Would you like to cheer with her?"

"Only if I was a girl, then I'd cheer for Johnny."

"Why him?"

"He's my best friend."

['Kelly shows definite signs of being trans-gendered. I can tell from his body language that he is confused about his sexual identity. According to the Blood Test results, he has a very low testosterone count when it should be off the scale like his friend Johnny. There is only one thing to do to remedy the situation.']

Then he excused himself, & came back a moment later with a needle and a bottle of pills, "Kelly, this is a vitamin shot for you and these are a vitamin supplement."

"Am I sick Doctor Rhodes?"

"No, but your physical shows that you need this booster to help jump start your puberty, otherwise, you'll stay as you are."

Then he gave me the shot and after talking with Momma, I took the pills with me. But the shot and pills were meant to turn me into a girl. I started to show changes in my butt and chest before we learned the truth. It was six months later when I went to see our family doctor for my flu shots.

"Kelly, you look different."

"What do you mean Doctor Addams?"

"Well, you look more than a bit like your Mother looked like at your age."

"Come on Doc, I can't be turning into my Momma, I'm a boy!"

"True, may I take a few blood samples?"

"Sure, what for?"

"By now, you should be going through puberty, but you aren't."

"That's what Doctor Rhodes said, he gave me a shot and pills to take."

"Did you bring them with you?"

I handed him the bottle which was empty, "Yep, here they are."

Then he looked at the bottle and got a weird look on his face, "Kelly, what did he say these were?"

"Vitamins. Why?"

"Wait here Kelly," then he marched out the door and returned with my Momma. She looked worried as she sat by me.

"Momma, is anything wrong?"

"Kelly, Doctor Rhodes did not give you any vitamins, he gave you pills to turn you into a girl," Doctor Addams cried.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN TURN INTO A GIRL!!!"

Then Momma hugged me tight as the doctor explained," The pills and shot he gave you have given you a girl's butt, and waist as well as chest."

"You mean that I'll look exactly like Momma, but be a boy?"

Then he slumped in his chair and wept," I'm sorry Kelly, but you can never be a Father now, the pills have made that impossible."

"What does he mean Momma?"

"Remember Rex, the Seeing Eye Dog for Scott?"

"You mean that I am like him?"

"I'm sorry son, but yes, like him."

"Why did he hurt me Momma?"

"I wish that I knew honey," Then she looked at the doctor and her voice became hard as iron, "Doctor Addams, I don't care what it takes, I want that bastard to pay"

The doctor looked at us and he sat up and his voice was filled with authority," Mrs. Moore, I vow to make sure that he pays in full."

When the Woods found out, they got furious! That's when I saw just how mean Mister Woods could be when he wanted to be. Momma and I had just returned from seeing Doctor Addams when they found out.

"Hi Mrs. Moore and Kelly, are you here for Daddy's cookout? He's made some scrumptious kabobs and roasted corn on the cob."

"Scrumptious Julie, where did you learn that word?"

"Well, I learned it from Mommy, she loves to find new words to describe Daddy's cooking."

Then I began to cry bitter tears because now I was face to face with the only girl that I'd ever thought of marrying. NOW, I can never be a father like my Daddy!! I wanted to die right then.

"What's wrong Kelly?" asked Julie as she hugged me close.

"Oh Julie, I have terrible news!!"

"Want me to go get Mom and Dad?"

"No need sweetheart, we're here. Come, let's sit down," said Mister Woods, then he walked to the patio and sat down. Mrs. Woods and the twins sat on the patio love seat, leaving me and Momma to sit on the patio lounge chair. After everybody was seated, he gestured to me and momma to speak.

"I am still in shock over what I'm about to tell you, please be patient," she wept.

"Then Mrs. Woods handed Momma a napkin," What's so terrible?"

"Let me Momma, The doctor that I saw about my physical. [sniff, sniff] gave me a shot, [sniff, sniff] and some pills that, [sniff, sniff] were turning me into a girl."

"WHAT!!!!"

"That's right Charlie,[sniff, sniff] Kelly is sterile now, [sniff, sniff] If our doctor hadn't found out, [sniff, sniff] Kelly could go through a girl's puberty." [sniff, sniff]

"You men that Kelly will grow breasts like I will?" "YUCK!!"

"No Julie, [sniff, sniff] the new doctor has given me pills so that won't happen, [sniff, sniff] I will stay small like you, [sniff, sniff] not grow bigger like Johnny"

Then Mister Woods picked me up and hugged me as he cried for me," Kelly, I promise you that Doctor Rhodes will pay for what he has done to you!!"

Then he handed me to his wife, "Kelly, I know that you and Julie love each other, your Mother and I both think you make a cute couple. As far as I'm concerned, you're still a cute couple."

"Kelly, I will ask the doctors that I work for about anything that can be done for you."

"Kelly, you are still my boyfriend."

"And you're my best friend."

"Thanks everybody."

Then Mister Woods came over and announced," Well, it's been done, Rhodes is in prison now, without bail."

Doctor Rhodes never made it to trial, he died in prison.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 6: Choices   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After learning the terrible news, Kelly decides to make the most of a bad situation, much to Julie's dismay. In school, Kelly proves to be a tom boy as she excels in sports side by side with her best friend Johnny. Her small size and quickness contrasts well with Johnny's size and strength. Together, they become the school's top athletes, while Kelly also excelled in academics, easily earning herself several scholarships. Yet, as her dressing continues, it expands to help others in need. Yet at a game, she finds out who she is.

---

 
After that, I found that I was thinking about Johnny instead of Julie. I still loved her, but I found that I wanted to marry Johnny instead. It all came to a head when I dreamed about daddy. I saw him sitting by a pond, sitting upon an old tree stump, waiting for me.

"Come over here Kelly."

"Yes daddy," I glided over to where he sat and he swept me into his strong arms.

"How is my son doing?"

"Oh daddy, NOW I don't know if I am your son or daughter!" I wept.

"Because of that doctor."

"Uh huh, I don't want to hurt Julie, but if I can't be a husband and give her children, I shouldn't try to be her boyfriend."

"Don't you think that should be HER choice?"

"Yes daddy, but NOW I don't see her as a girlfriend and I don't know what I should pray for!"

"Why is that?"

"Because NOW I want to be Johnny's girlfriend."

"And you think that that is wrong?"

"Isn't it?"

"What do you feel in your heart?"

"That I love Johnny."

"Do you feel that you should have been born a girl?"

"NOW I do, in fact, ever since I was Tinkerbell, I've wanted to be a girl."

Then a man in a white linen robe approached us, I saw scars on his forehead and holes in his palms. There was an utter sense of Peace and Belonging about Him. Then I knew Who I was seeing.

"JESUS!!"

"Yes Kelly, I am He," He smiled.

Next thing I knew, I was in His arms, "Jesus, am I bad for wanting to be a girl?"

"No My Child, it is a part of your journey to choose."

"But what about Julie and Johnny?"

"Whatever your choice, they will find one for them."

"So being confused about my gender is OK?"

"Yes, many of My Children are confused, unfortunately, all too many only find fulfillment up here after their journey is over," he sighed.

"Why do you not help them?"

"I do, but they must accept My Help."

"Kelly?"

"Yes daddy?"

"If you choose Johnny, Julie will give you a special gift."

"What gift?"

"THAT young Kelly will be shown after you choose," admonished Jesus.

Then I woke up with tears in my eyes as I slept next to momma, "Kelly, are you OK?"

"Yes momma, I just had a wonderful dream."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Fine momma, I'll tell you and the Woods after breakfast."

Then I went to sleep and didn't wake up until rather late.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
"Wake up Kelly, or you'll miss lunch," yelled Julie from the doorway as she passed by wearing her red swim dress.

I jumped up and noticed that I was still wearing yesterday's plaid shirt and jeans while my boots were on the floor. I got showered, looking at my diminished goods and knew the choice to make. I donned my Batman trunks and matching top with sandals and towel and headed to the patio-pool area where a scrumptious lunch of burgers, fries, hot dogs and salad was spread out along with an assortment of sodas. Our parents only drank spirits on special holidays and never smoked.

"Well, how's things Kelly?"

"I don't know rightly, Mister Woods, I have an announcement to make that involves Julie AND Johnny."

"Does it have to do with what that doctor did to you?"

Yes Mrs. Woods, it has EVERYTHING to do with that."

"Perhaps you had best wait till tonight to tell then."

"No momma, I need to tell them A.S.A.P."

"Tell us WHAT Kelly?" asked Johnny as he and Julie approached carrying towels.

"Please sit down my [sniff, sniff] brother and sister. [sniff, sniff]. Things have changed," I cried.

Then Julie started beating on my chest in helpless fury," NO KELLY!! IT CAN'T BE!! YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND FOR LIFE!!" she yelled.

I stood there, quietly enduring her rage. The tears running down my cheeks mute testimony to my anguish that nothing compared to the hell that I was enduring now. Here I was Julie's best friend, and boyfriend betraying her love. But I could not do otherwise. She deserved to have a loving husband who could give her a family.

As she spent her rage, she looked me in the eye, "Do you still love me as a sister?"

"Always Julie, maybe in time like before."

"I hope so Kelly."
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
I did not know it, but that night, Julie made a choice that would be her Gift to me. She gathered her family and my momma in the Playhouse while I slept fitfully in my bedroom.

"Mom, dad, Johnny, Mrs. Moore, I know that Kelly has very little chance of being a father now, and according to my research, he will soon need his gonads removed to prevent cancer."

"Yes, I asked the doctors at the clinic and that is the procedure to prevent cancer," affirmed momma."

"That is why if possible, harvest his seed and implant it in me after I graduate."

After several minutes of discussion, everybody agreed that she could do it and would keep it secret from me until after the child was born.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Meanwhile, Aunt Debbie got word of my accident and she had a talk with my grandparents.

"Momma, poppa, I have terrible new about Kelly!"

Granny put away her book and looked up at her distraught daughter as Grandpa stopped fiddling with repairing an old fan, "Is this about him walloping a boy for being fresh with Julie?" asked Granny.

"It's much worse than that momma, as bad as what happened to me, she cried.

"WHAT!!??" exclaimed Grandpa.

"Some doctor took away his manhood, now Kelly can no longer be a daddy."

Then Grandpa hugged Debbie, "My child, we will be here for Kelly."

"I know poppa, but I am scared that he might hate me if he ever found out and he might hurt me because of his hurt," she cried.

"Then whenever he is here, you will be away at the cabin," stated Granny.
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Luckily, I did not have to have my gonads amputated. Because of all of the female hormones and something unique about my body, my gonads remained dormant except for the odd erection from a wet dream about once a month. When that was discovered, and that my wet dreams had a cycle, I started to wear a condom to capture the semen for the doctor.

Unfortunately for Julie, I started seeing Johnny as my boyfriend. She saw the change and even though it broke her heart, she accepted the the change in my heart because I turned to her twin brother Johnny in my heart of hearts.

Julie's thoughts: [' Oh Kelly my Beloved, I see the change in your heart even if my brother is blind to it! I see how you now have bonded with him in sports and are becoming more of a jock to prove that you are a man to yourself. Yet I also see the Love Light that you had for me now you have for Johnny. I will not stop you. I will do all that I can to help you in your choice for my brother Johnny is very lucky to have you.']

In school, I went out for sports and played along side Johnny. I loved playing in any sport and it was only as I stayed small that I was the kicker in football. Johnny and I were inseparable on the field. We excelled in every sport that the school or Community Center sponsored.

"Good game you two, have you guys ever thought about playing for a pro team?'" asked Coach Hornsby.

"Dave, they're just kids, let'em enjoy being kids,' admonished my Momma.

"I know that, but I think that they have potential."

Then Mr. Woods handed us kids our popsicles. "I agree with you, let our kids be kids. I will not force mine to be something that they don't want to be."
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Then we had a Spirit Day where we could dress as anything that showed our School Spirit. I asked Momma for one of her old Cheerleader uniforms. There were pictures of her on the mantle from back then And I thought that I'd look cute in one of them. She was astonished that I'd ask, but she let me have them all. So I chose the blue sailor dress and red bloomers with white socks and shoes. She helped me too get ready and was amazed that I knew about makeup. After I was ready, Momma gave me her approval.

I learned later that Momma was worried about me: ['My son Kelly has finally asked for my help in dressing up in a costume. I blame myself for being to busy to really be there for him. I have been allowing the Woods to raise him for me. And now I am saddened that only now am I a part of his girl world. [sigh.] Does he want to become a girl or just dress as one?']
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Johnny was really impressed with my costume too. ['Kelly was a knockout in school today. I kept on forgetting that he is a boy, not a girl. I think that I am in love with him as a girl now. Am I gay for loving a guy in a dress? What if Kelly is really a girl? I am so confused.']
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
I was still out for the season, so I was not at the game in uniform. Because of the time of the year, I had turned in my uniforms until after I was cleared to play again. Mom is working late and the school has a home game tonight. So I'm wearing one of Mom's old Cheerleader uniforms from when she went to school. I carefully applied makeup and spritzed on my favorite perfume. My hair, I did up in a ponytail since I had no time for anything more elaborate. I looked just like her when she was a Cheerleader. My hair brushed out, makeup done as well as I could do it.
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Unfortunately, there was a group that attacked anybody in costumes. It all really started back when I was in junior high. A local Goth group had taken it upon themselves to rid the community of undesirables, mainly those they considered freaks. Luckily, I was always with my best friends, so they never attacked me, but they did try to get others to listen to their message.

It was led by Pastor Linden. He was an old-style, Bible-thumping, fire & brimstone, preacher that hated any and all that went against his sensibilities. When he found out that I was dressing as a girl, he actually tried to get me expelled, But Principal Franklin and Coach Cartwright both stood up to him and Mister Woods stopped supporting his church. After that, he had to start working because he had no diploma making him a pastor. But he did unfortunately organize his flock into hate mongers that bash those they hate.

We later learned from Mister Woods about the bashers. The police have just issued a Public Warning about the Halloween Basher Thugs. They're once again attacking any body in a costume. So far, they've stayed on the other side of the river, but now they've crossed over. I've warned my children and Kelly and they promised me that they'd be careful and spread the news.

The only reason that I am taking this chance is this is Halloween. I was one of the few boys that decided to dress as a girl and unlike the others, I actually looked like a girl. A few of the jocks had decided to clown it up for a laugh. They had worn some of the costume from the prop room for pep rally skit. They got applause for the humor. Not me, I had already proven myself today and tonight was for me. I walked to the school and paid the admission fee. Then I went and got my refreshments and sat on the bleacher, waiting for the game to start. I saw my friend Julie in her Cheerleader outfit. I always wanted to be a Cheerleader, but I am a boy, not a girl. I wanted to be the one cheering Johnny to victory. [sigh]
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Luckily for me, the Bashers were all caught, but the news that I got later was disturbing indeed. Mister Woods told us that they finally caught the thugs just before the game started. What is scary is that they had targeted the game because of the costumes. They could have hurt me and others. All this because of one man's hatred. Well, now, we can sleep in peace.
 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Then after the game, Julie and Johnny came over to me. We went out to fence and sat down upon the bus stop bench for privacy as the parking lot was on the other side of the field. They were worried because of the recent attacks at Halloween. "WOW Kelly, you look great! That looks like one of the old Cheerleader uniforms. Where did you get it?"

"It is Julie, It's my Momma's old uniform. I look just like she did when she went to school here too." 'I should know because Momma took my picture.' [giggle]

Johnny said, "Why are you wearing your Mom's old Cheerleader uniform?" with concern. "There had been several incidents where thugs had assaulted women and girls in the area and the cops had yet to catch them and with you being a boy, they might hurt you. Don't you care about your safety?"

"I have wanted to dress as a girl for years. Remember that for every Halloween that I have always dressed as a girl and you have always liked it too." 'Oh Johnny, how can I hope to get you to understand my inner desire that I can never quench?'

"I know Kelly, but what if the thugs see you? If you ever got hurt, I'd just die!!!"

"Julie, I have lived with that fear for years now, but I can not give up being a girl." Turning to Johnny. "We have been best friends for years Johnny, now I need your friendship now more than ever." 'Will he be there for me?'

"Why now? What's your problem Kelly and why do you need my help?"

"Soon, I will graduate and I am unsure of my future, "I cried. ['I guess that it's time to tell them, but I'm afraid of their reaction.']

"What do you mean? I thought that we were going to college together. You know, the Three Musketeers all over again like when we were kids."

"I do not know if I am a boy or a girl. " I began weeping as I finally admitted the truth to them. "I have been having dreams of being a girl for years and only when I dress as a girl do I feel right. Julie, you have been so kind to help me to be a girl. Johnny, you've been the best brother that I could ask for."

"Any time, my sister Kelly, have you given up being a boy?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I never have been that convincing a boy now have I? ['Being the same size as you sure has helped too. Oh why couldn't I have looked like my Dad?']

"What are you going to do?" Asked Johnny.

He needed to know because we three had been planning upon attending college together and now with my scholarship, it was a done deal.

"I do not know," ['What will you do now Johnny? After making plans for college, I've effectively squashed them just now.' ]

Then Johnny put his right arm around me "Kelly, I always thought that we would all three be going to college together."

"Johnny, I thought so too, but I have to work out who and what I am. Ever since that first Halloween when I was Tinkerbell, I've found out the bitter truth. I want to be a girl, not to just dress as a girl anymore. I know that this is especially hard for you, but tonight brought it all out."

"Kelly, are you sure about that? I will support whatever choice it is that you make my friend, Good thing I haven't accepted a scholarship yet."

"Yes Johnny, now more than ever." I'd finally dried my tears on a hanky that Julie handed me.

"Kelly, I think that it is brave of you to admit this. You can count on me to help." Then she hugged me as I wept again.

There I was with my best friends who'd accepted the change in plans. What I later learned was that they'd never really finalized any college plans with me. They knew me better than I knew myself. They told me that they'd seen Kelly girl grow and take over. They knew that I had to decide who and what I was.

"Me too. Looks like I have a sister now, Kelly the boy is gone and Kelly the girl is here to stay," observed Julie. "Kelly, your face is a mess!! Shall I fix it for you?" Then she began to brandish her arsenal of makeup at me from her purse. Don't ask me how she does it I still can't do that trick.

"Thanks guys, [giggle] I look a right mess don't I? [giggle] I should have worn waterproof mascara." [giggle] I felt so relieved that they had accepted me news.

"Well, you do look a bit like a raccoon," chuckled Johnny as Julie redid my makeup for me.

Then as we were walking back to my house, we sat upon the bench outside of the community center. Johnny looked at me and whispered something to Julie, she stepped aside to give us privacy.

"Kelly?" ['I can't believe that I'm about to admit this to my best friend, but Kelly need to know exactly how I feel about her.']

"Yes Johnny? What did you say to Julie just now? What do you have to tell me? Is our friendship over now? Considering the hell that I've put you through just now, I deserve it.''

Ever since you were Tinkerbell for Halloween, I have been in love with a special girl, at first, it was kiddy love, but now it's much more. That girl is you." ['There. I told her.']

"Me? " ['ME? I'm his special girl?' I could hardly believe it after my revelation.']

"Yes, you. Please don't freak out on me."

"But I'm a boy and your best friend under this dress. " ['Am I really ready to be a girl, more importantly, am I ready to be JOHNNY'S GIRL???']

"I know that, but right now, you look like a girl, my girl." Then he kissed me gently. I felt a spark flow between us and I knew that as a girl, I was in love with Johnny. But what about as a boy? I was both elated and confused as we broke our kiss. Could I be a girl, THE GIRL for Johnny?

"Kelly, want me to walk you home? I can't let you walk alone after all of this." ['She's too precious too me.']

"Yes Johnny. "Then we walked Julie to their home and she went in after kissing me on the cheek. It was like kissing my sister if I had one.

"Good night my sister, she said as she hugged me. Welcome to the world of being a girl Kelly my friend."

Then I returned the hug, "Good night sister, of my heart." Without you, I never would have known what being a girl was all about."

Then she went inside and shut the door and turned off the porch light. Then Johnny and I walked to my house where we sat in the backyard swing. We sat there for a while as the moon rose up in the sky. I felt so safe and comfortable by Johnny.

"You are so beautiful Kelly. I don't care that you are a boy. You're a girl to me."

"Thanks Johnny." Then we kissed again and I undid his jeans and took his member into my mouth. He looked on with excitement as I stroked him to full erection. Julie had told me of how the Cheerleaders had treated their boyfriends and now that I was one, I thought 'WHY NOT?'

"Do not all the Cheerleaders do this for their boyfriends?"

"Many do Kelly, are you sure that you want to?"

"Yes."

"But you are my best friend, not a girl."

"Right now, I AM a girl, I am your girl."

Then I took him in my mouth and massaged him until he erupted in me. I greedily swallowed his juice and cleaned up the residue. Then I leaned in for a kiss. He embraced me and kissed my lips. I knew that as a woman that I had pleased my man. Right then, I was a woman in my heart.

"I love you Kelly, forever and always." then he zipped up his jeans and left. I could tell that he loved me as a girl, but could I be the girl that he wants? For years, I had dressed as a girl for Halloween and as a girl over at the Woods. Julie had taught me about being a girl but could I be Johnny's girl? Would Johnny want me to be his girl after this?

I later learned that he was thinking about me that night: ['Kelly is so beautiful as a girl that even though I know that she's really a boy under that dress, he is all girl to me. But am I crazy for wanting Kelly as my girlfriend? I've dated before so I do know that I like girls and not boys. Could Kelly be the girl of my dreams after all even though he is a boy? Do I want to marry a boy?']

Kelly's Journey Chapter 7: Shopping   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: Now that Kelly's mother has started to get involved in her child's life, Kelly becomes scared at the prospect of actually being out in public where strangers may discover her secret and out her in public or some bigot harming her or her family. It is only with the help of Kelly's best friend Julie that Teri Moore is able to take Kelly on what has become the national sport for all women: SHOPPING.

---

 
Then I saw Julie show up. She was smiling as she approached us and wearing a shorts set and pantyhose. I couldn't help but to notice how graceful she was and that the hose gave her legs a sheen as the morning light played on her legs.

[Shopping? Why would I want to go shopping? Momma had always bought my clothes. But then again, Julie loved to go shopping and we had fun unpacking her bags and hanging stuff up.]

Then Julie waved to us, "Hi! I see that Kelly is dressing as a girl. It looks like she loves pantyhose as much as I do. Here I am wearing a pink shorts outfit and hose and she almost matches me." [' I guess that Mrs. Moore finally saw Kelly in girl mode.']

"Yes Julie, I want for Kelly to feel safe enough to be herself. You two seem to know what the other is going to wear," momma said as she glanced at both of us. [Then again, they grew up together.']

"Well, you know what they say?" Julie giggled. [' It's been a long time since I've had a chance to joke around with her.']

Momma put her hands on her waist, "No, What?" [' Just what is that girl gonna say?']

"Great minds think alike Mrs. Moore," she giggled. ['But then again, that is one of my shorts set that Kelly is wearing.']

"They do indeed, momma giggled. [' It's nice to hear Julie laugh at this time, she can help me with Kelly.']

Then Julie sat by me, "I saw her at the game, she was very pretty and my brother Johnny loved seeing her there too. I knew that you would look great this morning Kelly. Johnny was sure smitten by you. He has it BAD for you." ['Seeing Kelly looking like that, I can see why.']

Then momma placed her hand upon Julie's, "Well, she does take after me," I heard Momma as she giggled. [' It's still hard to believe that Kelly makes such a pretty girl, will he choose to transition?']

"Golly Gee. Thanks a lot Mom. "I giggled. When momma giggled, everything was alright as far as she was concerned and I couldn't help but have fun too.

Julie hugged me close, "Johnny is in love you Kelly. You're all he talked about, since the game. He has it BAD for you girlfriend." ['Right now, that is how I see Kelly, kind of like having the best of both in one.']

Then I spluttered in my coffee and wiped up the mess, "Really? He’s in love with me? How can he be?" [' Is Johnny gay or does he see me as a girl, HIS girl.']

Julie looked me in the eyes, "Yes really, you flirt. He wants to ask you out too. Oh Kelly, if only you were a real girl for my brother." ['Why do I feel this way? Do I actually WANT for Kelly to become a girl and marry Johnny?']

Then visions of me being outed in public entered my mind, "He can't be serious, can he? What if others see me as a boy in a dress? This is the one and only time you, or he, will see me this way. I can't risk him being hurt because of me," I cried. "Johnny is a gentle boy. He has never raised his hand in anger to anybody. If he is with me and I am outed, he would be hurt defending me & I can't have that." [' LORD, how can I handle this?']

Then Julie smiled, "Kelly are you still fearful of those thugs. Well, don't be. They were caught before the game." [' Kelly needs to know that if she is to gain confidence in herself.'],

"I didn't know that, but there are others out there like them," I cried as I felt the impact of the news. I had been fearful of them ever since junior high.

Then momma hugged me, "Oh Kelly, you need some practice in being a girl and what better way than to get out and do something? Besides, the Halloween thugs got caught just before the game, and your friends will protect you." [' I know that Kelly has those friends because he has gone to Ronzi's as a girl for them.']

"I didn't know that Julie, all this time, I was afraid that they would catch me, but now that I have to worry about are strangers seeing me as a boy in a dress," I sighed.

I was unable to say anything, I was thinking about all sorts of calamities where I was outed and Johnny was hurt because of me.

Momma poured Julie a cup of coffee and passed her a plate with breakfast on it which Julie gladly wolfed down. "They were caught? That's good. Those cads have been a down right nuisance around here," said Momma. [' I have seen way too many results of their actions at the clinic.']

"Well, Kelly still needs to go out and see what being a girl is all about," giggled Julie. [' I have YET to go shopping with Kelly and it's about time.']

Then momma smiled, "What do you suggest? I say shopping. I can sure use your help since you know what girls wear Julie. Together we can teach Kelly about being a girl. You and your Mother have taught her well." [' I know that with her help that I can get Kelly out of her shell and free to be a girl.']

Then Julie volunteered, "How about going bowling? Just us three since my Momma is busy getting Johnny his winter wardrobe?" ['That brother of mine has absolutely no fashion sense. he just goes for jeans or sweats.']

Momma gathered up the now empty plates and cups while I quickly gathered the silverware, "I think that's a wonderful idea! Let me get our purses and we can go. I knew that you'd help out."

"Mom!" [' Was I the only one sane here?']

Momma hugged me, "Kelly! It'll be just the three of us." ['I can feel her heart eating fast. she is scared.']

I saw visions of me being outed at the bowling alley, "But what if they see me as a boy in a dress?" [' Can't they see that I am right to be scared to death, or am I the only one being sensible?']

Then they both embraced me as I wept bitter tears as I thought of all the ways that I could be outed and hurt and how Mom and Julie could be hurt because of me. Then Julie told Momma why I had my shorts outfit. "Don't worry yourself silly, we will help you to look and act like a girl, besides, you have worn that shorts outfit every time that you helped a boy to make up with his girl friend. Your friends will think nothing of it." [' Please LORD, give Kelly peace about this or he WILL out himself instead of being Kelly girl.']

"Kelly, on a date? I never would have believed it before now." ['Actually I have, but by letting Julie explain, we can help Kelly to overcome her fear.']

"Yes Ma'am, Kelly here would be a boy's SAFE DATE to help him apologize to his girlfriend. It was always at Ronzi's The Teen Scene Cafe by the mall where we hang out after school and on the weekends." ['I still remember the first time that Kelly went, I still can't believe that Mrs. Moore's child is so good at healing broken hearts.']

"Thanks Julie, Kelly, why are you so scared to go out then?" [She needs to give voice to her fears.]

Then I looked at momma with tears in my eyes, "Momma. What if my friends see through my charade, and what about strangers?" ['I'd die if they were hurt because of me.']

Momma cupped my chin in her hand, "Kelly, your friends accept you as a part time girl, as for strangers, we can help." [Oh Kelly, you are almost there my rose, soon you will truly blossom if you do not falter.]

Julie smiled at me. I was both eager and scared at the same time. Would I be outed? They were careful to coach me in how to be a woman until I was comfortable around them. It was getting near lunch time and we had stopped to fix something to eat. I had fun with them as we ate sandwiches and soda for lunch. We had so much fun that I was able to relax and be a girl around them.

"Kelly, you look and act just like Julie now," momma observed. [' Kelly now acts like Julie. At first, it was a rough copy.']

I blushed, "Thanks Mom, I was trying to copy her. I hope that I was doing it right." [' Could I actually be a natural girl after all?']

Then Julie patted my arm, "Well girlfriend, you have me down pat. Nobody will see you as a boy now," she giggled. [' Heck, even before, Kelly was the Real Deal, just needed a confidence boost.']

"Well, not unless they, uh, take a good close look," I giggled as I pointed to my crotch. ['Guess I AM a natural girl after all, or as Julie would say: the Real Deal.']

"That is why you are wearing a shorts outfit is good for you." said Julie. [' Too bad she doesn't have any of my skirts, skorts, or sundresses.']

"But what about my boy bits?" Am I really THAT vain about what little I have?" [' Even IF I can't sire any children, I still want to think that I am large enough, if I marry Julie.']

"With you wearing that padded brief and pantyhose, you are safe," smirked Momma. ['Good! looks like my child has overcome her fear.']

Then I got up and bowed to momma, "Oh?' And why is that, Oh Great And All Knowing One," I giggled. ['Sorry my LORD, but I can't resist this prank. It's been too long since I had a good laugh.']

"No bulge," they both dead panned back at me.

After we had us such a good belly laugh that we went to go wee. Then we headed to the bowling alley. I had fun and forgot about being a boy. I was Kelly girl at last and free of my fear. Several of my school friends came by and thought that I was helping some one. They thought it was cool that I was doing this for my Momma. At noon we stopped for a soda and a pizza.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What I didn't know, was that at the same time, Johnny and Mister Woods were observing us from the rooftop patio. They had seen what happened between us and were talking about last night.

"Well Jonathan, How did you like seeing Kelly as a cheerleader last night?" ['Even now, all that I see is a young lady, NOT a young man.']

Johnny blushed as he remembered last night, "It as GREAT! I thought that Kelly looked dynamite!" [' And still does in that shorts outfit. I wish that Kelly really was a girl.']

"Weren't you worried about those bashers hurting Kelly if they saw her?" [' I am glad that they were caught, but at the time, Johnny didn't know that.']

"Very much so dad, in fact, I brought that up to Kelly last night after the game, he sighed. ['Why do I love her so much when Kelly is still a boy?']

"And what did she say?"

"That ever since she was Tinkerbell that she knew that she was a girl and that she needed my help." [' But what do I do about those bashers on the team? If I continue to see Kelly, they'll make things rough for me.']

Then he hugged Johnny, "My son, ever since that doctor hurt Kelly, he has changed. Kelly used to be all for marrying your sister Julie, but your mother and I have seen how he has become Kelly girl and has set her sights on you," he sighed. [' LORD why have you placed such a burden upon Kelly's shoulders? Will my Godchild succeed or falter under your burden? Please LORD, be with Kelly.']

Johnny blushed, "Dad, I don't deserve Kelly's love. I mean, I love Kelly whether as a boy or a girl, but what does Kelly want to be?" ['Dear LORD, I am so confused about my feelings about Kelly, and the team with their attitude thanks to their listening to that defrocked preacher is making it hard on me.']

"And what about last night? From what I understand about what you and Julie talked about last night, Kelly was all girl last night for you." [' It's up to my son to decide if he sees Kelly as a boy or a girl when Kelly is in girl mode and if my on sees himself as gay or not.']

Johnny pulled away from his dad, "What did you and momma hear?"

Then Mrs. Woods enters, "We know that Kelly gave you oral sex last night. We were up here cuddling at the time and saw what happened." ['It was a surprise to see that scamp take charge, but then again, Kelly has always been one to take charge.']

"Don't worry son, like Terri, we won't punish you, but you DO need to control your passion or both of you can get hurt." [' LORD, I never thought that I'd be having this talk with Johnny about Kelly, I thought that it'd be with Julie.']

"Thanks guys, I needed to know that I have your support."

"Come with me Johnny, Time to get you your winter clothes for the year."

"Go on son, when you get back, we will take your old stuff to the Church."

"Cool dad, I wonder when I'll stop growing?"

"Probably not until you get to your dad's size. You take after your dad in height."

"OK mom, hopefully I can get a pair of hiking boots for the cabin too,"

Then they went to the store while mister woods stayed up there to watch us and ponder the future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kelly?" [My son has certainly blossomed into a young woman before my eyes. There is no hint of a boy about him. But he still needs to replace those birdseed bags with better equipment if he is to be a better girl in the future. We had fun bowling today, now to see how my new daughter feels after being out for the first time with me.]

"Yes Mom?" I giggled. ['I had fun bowling. Those boys sure did like my hosed legs. I am sure that Julie and I caused a few gutter balls as we bowled and momma caught the eyes of a few older players too.']

How do you feel now?"[Kelly is so different as a girl. As a boy, Kelly is sweet & considerate, quick to help out others, as a girl, Kelly shows more confidence in herself.]

"I'm still nervous about being outed, but so far, nobody has bothered me." I giggled. "Being a girl was not all that bad, I sighed. ['Now that I've admitted it, I feel free of my doubts.']

"You just need some more practice."[Now for the Coup De Grace.]

"Doing what Momma?" I giggled,[Why was I giggling so much? I like the giggling.]

"Going to the mall." [Such a giggle box, but will she giggle after this?]

"Why?" I giggled ['Don't I have enough clothes? Oh yeah! Momma did say something about getting me a wardrobe.']

"We need to get you a wardrobe. Kelly, you've found your stride now. That giggling will brighten anybody's day." ['LORD, Kelly as blossomed as a girl just now, is this to be my child's future? Or will Kelly become a cross-dresser?']

Then Julie placed her hand on mine, "Kelly?" she giggled. ['Now to see if she has the shopping gene that we girls all seem to have.']

"Yes Julie?" I giggled because her hand was tickling me. [' I wonder just what she has in mind, surely not a prank.]

"We girls make shopping our national past time, it's time for you to use your Shopping Gene." [giggle]

"Are you sure that I have one?" [giggle]

"It’s time to find out." [giggle]

It took all day to get what I needed. I had more lingerie and clothes now as well as makeup. While there, I was treated to the works at the beauty salon. We dropped Julie off at her place, and then went home. I was in my room hanging things up and putting things in the dresser when Momma walked in.

"I'm not going to push you into anything, when you feel the need to dress up, do it, and do your very best."[I had fun today, but Kelly still needs to grow into her womanhood.]

"OK momma, but why are you doing this?"

"Because you need it. Why you do feel you have to do this I don't know. What I do know is that males that dress as girls and women never quit. Some do it in secret away from their family. Some never have peace. They do things in despair to their bodies to be a woman"

"Is there something that you need to be telling me?"

[God, she is insightful, I can never tell a lie around her.] "Come down stairs and we will talk over a soda."

Momma led me into the kitchen where I got us both a bottle of diet soda and set them upon the coasters.

"I see that as a girl that you are tidier." [giggle]

"I am developing my girl self Momma so that I won't be outed."[giggle]

"I can tell my daughter."

"Did you know a boy like me momma?"

"Yes."

"Want to tell me about him?"

"Brian was my best friend. We grew up together and when his parents died in a car wreck, my parents adopted him. When they saw his dresses, they thought that they were mine. When they learned they were his, they accepted him. After that, Brian became his girl self 'Debbie' , but only upon the weekends." [sniff]

"Was Brian my Aunt Debbie?"

"Yes."

"How old was he?"

"He was the same age as you were when you went as Tinkerbell when he became my brother. We became very close and Brian grew into tall and strong young man. In his senior year, he dressed as the She Hulk for Halloween. Everything went well until some jocks from another school cornered him and attacked him." [sniff]

"What happened?" Was it as bad as I think it could be?"

"They beat him up and raped him. Brian suffered from a severe concussion and they castrated him when they kicked him in the groin. Oh Kelly, I pray that that does not happen to you."

"Were those boys punished?"[It was, much worse than I ever thought about. How lucky I am that that has not happened to me.]

"Yes, your Grandfather forced the courts to try them as adults. They were sentenced to life in prison without parole." [sniff]

"I am glad to hear that, Too bad that Brian was lost though."

"He transitioned into Debbie. She now runs a special store that sells appliances that people need to pass as the other gender. Kelly, you are showing just how loving you are."

"Huh?"

"She sells breast forms and gaffes so men can be women and padding to help hide a woman’s breasts. I'm telling you about the store because you will need it all too soon."

"But why does she do that?"

"To help others like her to be as complete as possible. Some men just want to be a woman every now and then while others want to live as a woman. And some women want to be men."

"Thanks Momma for telling me about Debbie and about the shop. I think it's great that people can look like who they want to be. Too bad she is so afraid. [sigh]

"She is shy and afraid of rejection."

"Is she is afraid of me?"

"Yes, afraid of what you would do if you knew her secret and afraid to see you now because you are so much like her when she was hurt that she might remember her attack."

"Oh Momma, I love Aunt Debbie, we have so much fun when ever I see her. I would never hurt her. How can I let her know?"

"I will call and let her know tomorrow. Now since we have a big day tomorrow and we finished our soda, let's go to bed."

Kelly's Journey Chapter 8: Exodus   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Kelly and her mother attend a dinner party at the Woods where Johnny shows definite sexual interest in Kelly. After a tiff where Johnny and Kelly a dinner party at the Woods, Kelly and her boyfriend once again sate their passion. Afterwards, Kelly becomes confused about who she really is and her inability to resist loving Johnny, causing her to make a choice that changes everybody's lives.

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The next morning, Mom and I were dressed in a red dress, white hose and sandals. I drove us to the restaurant for breakfast. We were seated, then I saw the Woods at another table with the mayor and her family. Our meal was served and we ate in silence, almost finishing when they stopped at our table on their way out.

Mister Woods looked a bit comical in his western outfit, "Morning y'all. We're having a barbecue later at our house, we'd like y'all to come. God, I look hokey in this getup, but the mayor loves western style food and asked us to dress authentically today," he laughed as he held out his hands.

"Thanks Chuck. We'd be delighted to come right Kelly?" [' Mayor Russell is infamous for her love of all things western, but I love her anyway.']

"Sure Mom. Mister Woods here makes the best barbecue in the world in his smoke pit even if he looks hokey in that getup," I giggled. The entire clan were in western theme clothing, Julie looked really cute in her Dalla Cowboys Cheerleader costume.']

Mister Woods patted me on the shoulder, "Thanks Kelly, you look very pretty, it's no wonder that Johnny likes you." [' So like Terri that only Terri's wedding ring gives her away.']

"Thanks Mister Woods," I blushed. [' I wonder, does he know that I fancy his son something rotten?']

"Kelly and I will bring over potato salad after we clean the house," momma offered. [' Time for Kelly to learn some of the more mundane things about keeping a house up if she is to be a real housewife for Johnny.']

"What? What is she going on about? I was going to pal around with Julie after Church and work on my tan." [' Why did momma do this?']

Momma patted my hand, "We need to switch over to the winter drapes honey. We need time to just be girls and alone, this will give us that chance, Besides, I have all those quilts to wash that we use as curtains and I want to put up fresh ones after Church." [' It will be hot and dusty, but Kelly will enjoy it once we get started what with my child's competitive spirit and all around good humor.']

Then I slapped my forehead, "Oh yeah, I totally forgot. We usually make a sport of it, To bad that daddy ain't here, he's good at reaching the top of the window," I sighed. ['It's been so long since I thought about you daddy, please forgive me.']

Momma hugged me close, "Oh Kelly, I still miss Stu too after all these years. I'll NEVER find another one like your daddy," she wept. [' Lord, will I ever meet another like my Stu? Or am I to stay single? ']

Then we spent a few minutes remembering daddy and how much we still love him. Then as momma and I were getting up, Mister Woods took the check from the table.

"Hey! What are you doing Charlie?"

Mister Woods smiled, taking care of breakfast for you Terri. Now y'all get on to Church, we'll be along after we change for Church."

Momma pecked Mister Woods on the cheek, "Thanks Charlie."

Then momma and I waited as the Woods changed in the restaurant's bathroom. When they came out, the guys were wearing suits and the girls wore matching blue skirt suits. We followed them to Church where Johnny was the Crucifer while Julie and I were Acolytes. It was a Methodist Church after all.
 

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Oh, I guess that I ned to tell you about my Church, our pastor is a former Catholic Priest who accepted the position of Pastor at Tri-County First Methodist Church. He was a young Priest, fresh out of Seminary, but there were no openings in the Catholic Church around here, so since he was led to pastor a Church here, he accepted the position at Trinity.

As for Acolytes and Crucifer: the Acolytes, carry a special torch to light the candles while the Crucifer carries the Cross and places it in a stand up front. Then after the sermon, the Acolytes use the bell-shaped bowl on the torch to snuff out the candle while the Crucifer carries the Cross back to the back. We three have been doing this ever since we were old enough and always enjoyed our part of the Service.
 

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Then after Church, we went home where we cleaned the entire house. Momma and I pulled the curtains and drapes and put up fresh ones. We also shampooed the carpets with the help of Johnny and his stong back moving the furniture and operating the shampooer which he got a kick out of. We thanked him by keepng him supplied with lots og ice water.

I got hot and sweaty and was all too ready to clean up for the barbecue. After I showered I donned my robe and went to my room and put on the padded bra and panty brief, then my hose. I looked pretty good as is. Johnny had already left .

Momma knocked on my bedroom door, "Kelly?"[This is is a first, seeing if my daughter is decent. What a first, wonder what others there are in store for me?']

I looked up from where I was applying makeup, "Yes Momma?" [' I wonder what momma wants? Have we forgotten anything?']

"Are you decent?"[ Is she tucking away her boy bits? Damn! I don't need to think about things like that.']

Then I got up and opened the door and curtseyed to momma, " Why yes Momma, come in please."

Momma looked me over and smiled, "My Kelly, you look just like a teen girl getting ready for a party." [' Just like I did when dating you Stu, I am glad that I can think of you without tearing up my love.']

I closed the door behind her as she entered, Then I went over to my small wardrobe of girls clothes and held the closet door open, "Thanks Momma."What'cha wanna wear a skirt, or shorts." ['why am I acting like a model now?']

Momma pulled out a some red shorts and a blue lsleeveless top, "Shorts." [' we still need to get Kelly some winter clothes.']

As I slipped the shorts and top on over my padded bra and panty brief and hose, Mom sat on the bed, "Kelly, please romise me that you'll talk to me before you do anything stupid. Like oral sex with Johnny." ['I still can't believe that my son is so much a girl. LORD, pleese give me the Wisdom that I need.']

I hugged momma, "Momma, I'm going and I'll be myself. And no, don't worry, I won't do anything stupid." ['Well at least I will try, but I still want to hump Johnny. Please LORD, give me the strength to resist, or if I succumb, a way to deal with my passion.']

Momma cupped my chin in her hand, "You did when you were with Johnny the last time, and you know it." ['I hate to remind her of her shortcomings, but she needs to be strong and resist her passions.']

then I smiled and hugged her, " OK momma, I promise you, I will be careful."

Then she led me to her room where she put my hair into a ponytail. She changed into her shorts and top after she did her makeup. We made a dish of potato salad and walked to the Woods Manor House. Johnny saw us, then came out, a smile on his face. Mom made the introductions, I nodded my head at Julie and she grabbed Johnny's elbow. The three of us walked to the pool, and I faced Johnny.

"Johnny, when I came up with momma, you looked at me like I was a piece of raw meat. Did you like what you see?"[Was I in danger from my best friend now?]

He stared at me. I stood there,ready to fight or run, depending on what he did. "Johnny. I think you two have a lot to talk about," Julie said as she left us. [' It's time for those two too finally talk about their feelings.']

I stood in front of Johny, legs spread with hands on hips, "Johnny, [sniff, sniff] I am still your best friend under all of this. [sniff, sniff] Ever since that Halloween, sniff, sniff] I have wanted to be a girl. [sniff, sniff] You know that I have been doing this for years. Oh Johnny, I can't help it! I have to wear dresses to feel complete, no matter the cost," I wept. There, I had bared my soul to him, it was now up to him. He looked up at me, and I saw a tear in his eye! He stood there as I reached out and wiped it away as i wiped mine. I said softly, "I need you to be my friend now, more than ever. But if you can't, I'll understand," I sighed.

Then he bear-hugged me with his fierce strength, "Oh Kelly,You look like the girl of my dreams! To me, you are a dream come true. Tell me this, how can I not be your friend?"[How can I NOT love you?]

"Dreams? Can it be true?" [My Dream Lover?]

Johnny smiled sheepishly, "Ever since you were Tinkerbell that Halloween, I have wanted Kelly girl and no other. You know that I do not date a girl more than once. Well, that's because they are not you. Will you reject me Kelly?" [GOD, I hope not]

I led him over to a bench under an apple tree, "Johnny about last night." [' This is gonna be hard for me, but I have to do it.']

"What about last night?"[Please GOD, I love her! Will she now reject me after what we did after the game?']

I led him to sit on the bench and sat by him, "You are the boy of my dreams Johnny. I never dreamed that this was possible, but ever since Tinkerbell and that doctor, you've been in my dreams." [' Was I fated to meet that doctor? Why he did what he did to me I will never really know.']

"Is that why you did it?"

"Did what?"

"Gave me oral sex."

"Yes, I thought that I was ready, but I am not. As much as I enjoyed it, now I know I was not ready for you," I sighed. ['Will I ever be ready for Johnny, or am I to meet another, or is Julie really the one for me?']

Then Johnny knelt before me, "Neither am I, but I still love you. Even now, I want to ravish you here you are." [I sound like such a heel, but Kelly is my girl.]

"As Kelly boy or Kelly girl?" [DAMN!! WHY DID I SAY THAT JUST NOW??!!]

Then Johnny stood straight up with disgust in his eyes, "Both, Neither. I don't know!"[ Sex with Kelly boy? NEVER!! Now I can't see it with Kelly girl.]

Then Johnny walked away from me. I had just turned him off of me it seemed. I wanted to rip my heart out for hurting him as I did. I loved him, but a part of me was scared of him too. Which part would win?

Then Julie came and sat by me. She hugged me to her as I wept bitter tears of regret. "I knew that you two needed to talk things out. I know things look bad now, but Johnny will be back in time." ['Poor Kelly and Johnny, they can't seem to do anything but hurt each other now.']

"I don't know Jules, he might not want me anymore, not after what just happened. And I wouldn't blame him either." [sniff, sniff]

"Why is that my sister?" ['What did she do to cause my brother to run to his room?']

"I asked him if he was in love with Kelly boy or Kelly girl." [sniff, sniff]

Then she slapped me, hard. "OW!" I rubbed my cheek where she slapped me.

"Kelly, that was dumb!! he loves you!! NOW he has to choose which he loves more" she cried as she began to weep. ['I gave Kelly up for Johnny, now she has lost him. Can she get him back, or is my brother to meet another?']

"But Julie, I want to be Kelly girl, [sniff, sniff] not Kelly boy."

Julie kissed the cheek that she slapped, "Then I'll go tell him."

"Thanks sis."

"Anytime sis."

Then we powdered our noses to cover up all evidence of the tiff, but it didn't work, "I see that you girls have been crying just now, I hope that you two worked things out between yourselves."

"MOMMA!!"

"Kelly, when Johnny came back crying, we knew that you had said something to upset him. And Julie would have taken up for her brother, so we knew that you two had a tiff."

"Yes momma."

"Besides, we heard Julie slap you," admitted Mrs. Woods.

"I didn't slap her THAT hard Momma!!"

"True Jules, but we were snooping after Johnny came back."

"Are you mad at me?"

Then Mrs. Woods hugged me close. "No dear child, You simply need to talk to Johnny later after Jules has given him your message."

"I'm going now."

Then Julie headed up to their house while we got the dinner ready. Momma and Mrs. Woods set out the plates and plastic-ware while I got out the chilled glasses and filled them with soda and placed the bottle of wine in the center of the table. It was only as we kids grew up that we got to have any spirits, we could get a sip or a taste. When we got into high school, we could have wine coolers at dinner, but only a small glass. This was different though. Tonight, we actually got a glass of wine to help celebrate Mister Woods opening of an annex to his Emporium, now he could sell those reconditioned appliances that were now as good as new in his store instead of out in the parking lot.

After the barbecue, Johnny and I stayed out, talking, just the two of us. "This is the only time. After this I'm done with it."

"Why Kelly? is it because of what you said tonight?"

"Yes Johnny, I love you and I want to marry you, but I am a boy, not a girl and I don't want to hurt you again."

"I love you too Kelly, to me, you are all the girl that I need."

We shared a kiss, Then our passion ignited again and I felt him stiffen. We embraced and we sated our passion once again. I took him once again in my mouth and tasted his musky sweetness as I drank in his climax.

"You might be a boy under that dress, but you are still my dream girl. How can I ever hurt you? How could I ever deny my love for you?"['Kelly is the only one that I have ever made love to.]

"How can you say that you love me? I am not woman?"[LORD, Why could I not have been born a woman?]

"I don't know, all that I know is that I do. Believe me Kelly, I am as confused as you are my best friend." [What can be done to relieve our heartache?]

"Oh Johnny, if only I were a woman for you, then everything would be different!!" Then I ran home and slammed the door with Mom close behind me. We had made love each other, but I was not a real girl. I had given myself to him twice now and now I am confused and empty.

Momma came and hugged me to her,"Come sit here with me. We need to talk."

I sat, then Momma smiled at me. "Johnny is a handsome young man and you're a pretty young lady, that happens to be his best friend and a boy. He is attracted to you, and you to him. Do you want to be a girl?"[I already know, but Kelly needs to give voice to her deep desire now, more than ever if she is to be helped in time.]

"Yes I do Momma, more than anything!! But how can I be a girl?"

[She never heard about how boys look like girls. All that she's done is play at being a girl al this time.] "Then it is time that you go and live with your Aunt Debbie. Time for my daughter to leave the nest and fly away now."

"Why Momma? I wanna stay with you."

"You need her help. You know how to dress as a girl, but when it comes to Johnny, you lose control. That's not the way to act as you have around Johnny. And you and Johnny need time way from each other."['It's hard for me to send you away, but I must to protect you from yourself.]

"I know, every time I am alone with him, I lose myself. If I were a girl, I would be pregnant. And truth to tell, I want to get pregnant, even though I know that I can't" [LORD, will I ever be whole?]

"Your Aunt Debbie will help you. Good thing I called her before the dinner tonight." [Knowing her, she's on her way right now.]

"Does she know about me?"

"Yes, and she wants to help you to be a woman too. I will miss you, but Debbie can help you better than I can and she has our parents there to help too."[Come to think of it, Kelly will enjoy herself since she loves Daddy's farm.]

"We need to tell Johnny. I will miss him most of all."[Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking.]

"We will as soon as Debbie arrives."[ Debbie, take care of my most precious rose.]

"Don't I need to pack?"

"No, I packed all of your clothes as well as my old uniforms. Debbie will have fun shopping you too."[One thing and for sure, Kelly will give her shopping gene a real workout.]

Then the bell rang. "Let's go see who that is."

I opened the door and I saw a tall, strong woman standing there wearing a red sun dress and sandals. "Hello Kelly, come to your Aunt Debbie." Then she hugged me to her as I wept and soaked her dress with my tears of joy."I hear that you like a certain boy."

"Yes Auntie, I sniffed.[Had Momma told her everything?]
 

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My Aunt Debbie Annette Moore is a tall lithe gray eyed brunette. She owns/operates a dress shop over in the valley. She loves to collect rare books. She has a library of books sold by the public library that she loans out while keeping her collection of first edition in her room. I have spent many a weekend in her library with the twins as we delved into the stories.
 
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"Do you want to be a girl?"['Kelly is so like I was at his age.']

"Yes." [sniff] Yes, I do, but how can I be a girl? I was born a boy."

"There are two way, you can wear appliances that give you a woman's appearance or you can opt for surgery. In both, you can choose whether or not to use hormones to help you become a woman."

"Which should I choose Auntie?"

"I think that it's best to leave your options open, so I say choose appliances. You can always go with hormones and surgery later."

"Then I choose appliances. That way I can still be Kelly boy at times."

"Very well, I can teach you what you need to know about being a woman, but do not go into this lightly Kelly."['I must make sure that he is ready to be a girl.']

"Why Auntie?"

"You must forget about being a boy if you are to be a girl. Otherwise people will see you as a boy in a dress. Like they did me that Halloween night when I became who I am."['That is one nightmare I hope to keep from happening to you.']

"But they have seen me wearing a dress at Halloween Auntie and they never had a problem with it."'

"They saw Kelly, a boy in a dress, not a girl, like my friends did me. Besides, you have yet to live exclusively as Kelly girl. They can and will turn against you."['Like my FRIENDS did me!!']

"Oh."

Then the Woods came up. "Hello, I am Mister Charles Woods, This is my wife Andrea, daughter Julie and son Johnny. We're worried about Kelly."

"Come in Chuck, we have a lot to tell you." sobbed Momma. ['This is gonna be harder than I thought.']

Rushing over to Momma, Mrs. Woods hugged her close, "What's wrong my friend?"

"It's Kelly, come on to the kitchen where I have sodas ready."['It's going to be hard because they all love Kelly so much.']

Then Momma led us to the kitchen where we all sat down to a tall, cool glass of soda. "As you know, Kelly has been dressing as a girl every now and then. Now, Kelly and Johnny have fallen in love and Kelly is afraid of losing himself to Johnny as a girl."

Then Momma turned to Johnny."Johnny, I don't blame you, you are both responsible. I know that you love her and have had sex with Kelly.She needs to learn how to control herself or both of you can get hurt."['Like Debbie was.']

"I never wanted to hurt Kelly, but she is the girl of my dream."['I actually said that?']

"Then give her a chance to grow." ['I can see why Kelly loves him now.']

"Yes ma'am. Will she ever come back to me?"

"Is Kelly going away?" asked Julie. Why must Kelly leave me? I will miss my sister."

"Yes, I am taking Kelly with me so that she can learn how to be a lady."['Away from here, she can grow into the rose that my sister see in her.']

"But I have been teaching her all these years! Was I not good enough?"

"Be that as it may, I am going to teach her how to be herself and to be strong. You have indeed done a superb job, but Kelly now needs much more than you can teach her."['I truly wish that Kelly could stay, but leaving is unfortunately for the best.']

Then I went over to Johny, " I will miss you the most, but if I stay, I will lose myself in you," I wept as he held me to him.

"Then go my love with my blessings, he cried."He soaked my top with his tears as I drenched his with mine. But I needed to go or I would never learn to be strong.['How can I live without her, I want to know?!!']

"Come child, it is time to go."['This is the hardest part for you, letting go, but you must in order to grow.']

As we left, I saw everybody crying as we pulled away and left my former life behind. I slept on the way to Aunt Debbie's place. She had put on some orchestra music, then she played Bette Middler's The Rose and I awoke crying as it ended. " Yes my child, we are both "The Rose. "We have both been in our winter and now I will see that you blossom into your spring."
 

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To Be Continued...

Kelly's Journey Chapter 9: Support & Kidnap   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: Now that Kelly has moved in with her Aunt Debbie and her grandparents, she begins a new part of her journey as she learns more about being a woman and learning how more about herself.

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"Thank you Auntie, Momma told me about you just before you arrived and how you were afraid of me. How could I ever want to hurt you? It didn't matter to me that you were a boy like I am right now, and it still doesn't. We've had so much fun whenever I visited you in the past. I need for you to know now that I am in your care that I have never hated you." [How can I ever hate her?]

"I admit that I was afraid of you, but when you started to dress more as a girl more this year, I saw myself in you and I grew afraid for you. I was deathly afraid that you'd be hurt like I was. That is why we have not been together since you started going to Ronzi's as Kelly girl for your friends. You see, I was afraid that my nightmares would return. I'm glad that never happened, if it had, I don't know if I could have lived with myself," she sighed. [She is much stronger than I was back then, please LORD, let us help her.]

"When Momma said that you were afraid of me Auntie, I knew there had to be a reason, are you having nightmares now?"

"No, I'm not. And I won't have them anymore. I told her that because I couldn't face you. Until now, I never knew that I had this strength in me."[Thanks for believing in me Dad. You knew that I could face my fears.]

"Then why am I here Aunt Debbie? What changed?"[' LORD, I don't wanna be a burden to my auntie!!']

"Your Mother told me about you and Johnny and I had to come and get you before you two hurt each other as I was hurt, If not for my Daddy, I'd have died back then, but he gave me the will to live when my life as a boy was taken away from me." she sighed as she remembered what happened to her that turned her into Debbie. [Thanks for being there Daddy, NOW I hope that you can be there for Kelly.]

"And I will learn from you now? What will I be learning? I know that grandpa will be teaching me all about the farm and granny all about being a farmer's wife." ['Hopefully I can be a cheerleader up here, but that depends upon whether or not Aunt Debbie let's me.']

"Yes, from me, you will learn to develop your inner strengths as I teach you the fine art of being a Lady by taking you to a charm school and learning domestic skills with your Granny. Kelly, just wait until Granny gets a hold of you, she will teach you what I can't." {This will be an experience for all of us.]

"Domestic? What do you mean by domestic? I don't want to be some guy's maid wearing that skimpy uniform." [' Am I being a drama queen?']

"Yes, domestic, and no, you will never be a maid. You're way too smart for that. You will be what you choose to be. DAMN! I’ve been listening to that U.S. Army commercial too much," she giggled.

"Good, then what are you talking about? Recruiting for Uncle Sam?" [' I remember seeing those Army commercials. I think their pretty snazzy too, but then again, most of the guys at school are pro-military ever since 9/11.']

"Think of what all it takes to keep a farm house clean and you'll know what skills you need to learn. Me, I think that you'll have fun learning how to can and preserve as well as sewing, knitting and crocheting from Granny." And will make you self reliant too. And no, not recruiting for the military, she giggled. ['Glad to see her sense of humor is back, she'll be needing it all too soon unless I'm mistaken.']

"What about Grandpa? I want to learn from him too." ['He reminds me of my daddy so much that it'll be like he's alive again in a way.']

"Oh, he'll teach you all about farming." [giggle]" All types since we have a bit everything here on this farm. Even the ways we handle our waste." [' I am so proud of daddy for getting involved with green technology.']

"You mean to tell me that he taught you? I thought that Granny taught you." ['Uh oh! I am thinking like those bigots, gotta stop that.']

"Yep, your momma and daddy too. And I loved learning it too. Going to the county fair will be quite an experience for you." [' Kelly will have a blast seeing all of those exhibits with her sense of wonder.']

Then I thought about the fact that we were both single. Was she a virgin like I was? No sex with opposite sex? "Why haven't you ever married Auntie? You are so pretty that I'm sure that some guy would have already married you."

[The little imp, she knows how to get me talking and she doesn't realize it yet.] "Oh I have a guy that likes me, but he is waiting to get his own farm before I become his partner," she giggled.

"Why not as his wife, surely you're more than worth it to him. Is he gay?" ['There I go again, judging others.']

[Just like her Mother.]"He wants to court me properly and in his eyes, that means we see if we can stand each other before we tie the knot. And he knows that I know a lot about farming." ['Kelly, he is my Johnny.']

"Does he know about your uh, secret? "And the fact that you used to be Brian?" ['I wonder if the fact that Johnny knows about me is a cause to worry.']

"Yes, he knew me when I was a boy. After we dated for awhile and got to know each other, we found that we loved each other after I became Debbie." ['He’s so much like Poppa, no wonder I love him so.']

"He sounds very wise I hope that you two are happily married one day." ['Will I ever marry Johnny?']

"To me too Kelly, me too. And I know that he will marry me, of that I have no doubt."[Waiting for him is hard too, but he is worth it.]

Then I noticed that her stereo had been playing love songs," Auntie?"

"Yes Kelly?" [No doubt she'll inquire about the music.]

"Why are you playing love songs? Not that I mind. I love singing them, thinking their about me and Johnny."

"It’s because you need to listen to them. You are in love with Johnny and listening will help." ['She is such a babe in the woods about love.']

"Help me? How will they help?"

"They help me to be away from my beloved Danny, I hope that they help you too." ['I won’t tell her that they contain a hidden message of hope.']

They did, listening to them eased my heart so that I was not pining away for Johnny as I was at first. I still missed him, but I was in control of my emotions. Best of all, I was at peace about moving away and leaving momma.']

While we were approaching the farm, I saw the fields of grass and produce and varied barns. There was a stout brick fence encircling the farm with an open gutter filled with water from the recent rain flowing in it.

Then we turned onto the driveway and went under the gateway arch where MOORE'S FARM was emblazoned in wood. I was eagerly anticipating seeing my grandparents and I was not let down either.

By that time, we pulled into her garage where we were met by Granny and Grandpa. They both were smiling big time and Granny had a pie resting on a shelf near by. I jumped out of the car as Auntie killed the ignition and ran into their out stretched arms. "Grandma, Grandpa, it's so wonderful to see you again."
 

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Grandpa Joe Carter Moore is a gray haired version of my Daddy. He grows a bit of everything upon his farm with those greenhouses of his. Then he sells his produce to Mister Woods for his stores and restaurants. He also raises cattle, pigs and poultry. His farm is the largest privately owned farm in the state thanks to Mister Woods helping him to incorporate.

Granny Lizzie Jane Moore is gray haired version of my Momma. She loves canning, preserving using Grandpa's produce. She has won many an award at the county fair for her entries in cooking, quilts and bedspreads from sewing, knitting and crocheting that are keepsakes that she either gives as presents or sells and gives the proceeds to the church.
 

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As Aunt Debbie parked her jeep, I jumped out and ran to my Grandma who hugged me, "Kelly child, I never thought that I'd see you looking so pretty. I guess that I gotta teach you about being a farmer's wife now." I heard Granny giggle. " And you will be a true Southern Belle too thanks to Debbie teaching you manners and my Joe teaching you farming." [Sweet child, so innocent and still pure, we got her in time.]

Then Grandpa came and hugged me to him, "And I get to teach you all about farming now too, my way of farming, not the impersonal way of big business either." I heard Grandpa chortle. [Oh Kelly my grandson turned granddaughter, I hope that you'll find yourself with us now that you're here.]

"So, you know about me wanting to be a girl?" I sobbed into their shoulders. [Would they turn me away after I got here?]

Then Granny held my chin in her hand, "Yes child, we know about you wanting to be a girl, that is why your Grandpa, Debbie and I agreed to help you when your Momma called us. We are all here for you when you need us."[Such a sweet child. Who could ever harm this beautiful rose. Any that do will feel my wrath!!!]

"Thanks Granny, for a second, I thought that you guys might send me away. Now I can forget that nightmare, cant I?" ['LORD thank you for giving me such loving grandparents.']

Then Grandpa took me by my shoulders and looked right into my eyes. I could see a depth of wisdom and a deep anger that was a terror to arouse, "Kelly, you are our precious grandchild. You can never do a damned thing to stop us from loving you. And now that you are here with us, we will never send you away. Only YOU will decide when or if that happens."['I must make Kelly understand that we will never abandon her. We never abandoned Debbie and now we will be there for Kelly too.']

Then I hugged them closer and closer in a warm embrace as I wept tears of joy, "Thanks for loving me so much. I have been afraid of rejection ever since I hurt my Johnny. I should have never doubted you, none of you." ['LORD, Why do I deserve such a loving family?']

"That's alright child, you were worried, now no more fretting about being here." I heard Grandma giggle. ['I can see that Kelly here still fears rejection. It's up to us to calm her fears now that she's here.']

"Besides that, your Granny has a pie just a waiting for us to eat, it's cooling over there for us. Now let's get inside and eat it with some ice cream and soda." Grandpa chuckled. ['I know that Kelly loves Lizzie's pies, that scamp couldn't get enough when she was a child.']

Then we all went inside to sit down to eat the pie ala mode and soda. I felt so much warmth and love from them that I forgot about my problems and became their granddaughter in my heart of hearts. After we had eaten the pie and cleaned the dishes, we up to bed where I found that they had prepared for me.
 

~~~~~~~~~
 
Let me tell you about the farmhouse. It is a two story brick house with a full attic and basement with all of the comforts of modern life mixed in with farm life. And no, it doesn't look a bit like the house in the painting AMERICAN GOTHIC.

The basement is filled with jars of: jelly, jam, preserves, and canned produce stored on sturdy wooden shelves built by Grandpa up under the front. Under the shelves are tin canisters of rice, beans, and other dry goods.

Then once out from the food storage rooms, there are the walk-in freezers filled with the haunches of beef, deer, pig and mutton as well as those of chicken, duck and geese. Next to them are the refrigerators filled with dairy, eggs, and baked goods.

Toward the back are the storage rooms for the quilts, comforters, and bedspreads that Granny makes, as well as her sewing machine and a T.V. set so that she can watch her favorite shows. And behind Granny's rooms are the stairs going up both sides of the house.

Then next to the stairs on the bottom floor is the back porch, then the kitchen on the right and utility room on the left. The kitchen has all of the modern conveniences with the stove on the back wall, sink under the window and refrigerator-freezer up front with trash compactor next to the stove and dishwasher next to the sink, by the stove. All around the kitchen are cabinets filled with varied appliances.

The utility room contains the washer, dryer, and lawn maintenance equipment as well as a shower and side door for the lawnmower with an easy access ramp so that Grandpa can roll the haunches in and lower them on the dumbwaiter next to the outside door.

Next to the kitchen is the living room filled with lounge chairs with a table on either side, fireplace on outside wall and entertainment center up front, under the window. The dining room is

next to the utility room and has Granny's cherry wood dining room set in it with a mixture of china, cutlery, and glassware from Granny buying replacements to replace whatever got broke.

The upper floor contains Aunt Debbie's room over the kitchen, momma's room over the utility room, daddy's room over the dining room and the master bedroom over the living room. The bathrooms are on both sides of the stairs.

The attic is chock full of trunks filled with everybody's winter or summer clothes depending on the season s well as trophies and knick knacks. Best of all, it is set up as a studio apartment with the trunks stacked next to bathrooms which are next to the stairs.
 

~~~~~~~~~
 
"Come over here Kelly and see your bedroom, said Grandpa. It was a real girl’s bedroom with a canopy bed, and matching furniture. I saw a bookshelf filled with my favorite books and a computer ready for my use.

"WOW! Thanks guys! This room looks like my room back home. How did you do it?" ['They even have my favorite posters up.']

"When your Grandma and I heard that you needed a place to stay, we redecorated your momma's old room to look like your room back home," he chuckled. "We wanted for you to have a connection with your Mother, so we bought copies of your things and a new wardrobe too when we saw that you were going to need us when school started." [' I can tell that she likes the room from the way she is touching everything.']

Then I had an awful thought, "But what about my momma, where will she stay when she visits us?" ['Sorry momma for taking your old room from you.']

Then Granny cupped my chin in her hand, "Child, don't you fret none, we have the guest room which used to be your dad's room here. Silly girl, you can be so forgetful at times," Granny giggled. ['Terri will love knowing that we gave Kelly her room.']

Then I began to weep, "Thanks Grandpa and Grandma, [sniff, sniff] I am sorry to be putting you two through so much trouble." [Sniff, sniff] "I promise to not cause you any trouble." ['LORD. Please help me to be good for them.']

Then Aunt Debbie hugged me, "You are no trouble at all Kelly, This is your home too."['So innocent and trusting, she maybe nearly an adult, but she is still so child like in her need for love.']

"Thanks Auntie. It’s nice to have such a family and home." ['Oh momma, one day, I'll be coming back to you.']

Then I gave them all a hug and went into MY bedroom where I found that they had laid out me a sleep shirt along with lingerie and hose. I scooped them up and went into my bathroom and got ready for bed. After my shower, I donned my hose, then lingerie then my night shirt which went to mid thigh on me, then I went into my bedroom and they came in to tuck me in.
 

~~~~~~~~~
 
I learned later what Grandpa was thinking about me that night: ['Kelly has become such a sweet young lady that it is impossible to see any boy in her. She is following the path that Debbie went on. Now I hope to prevent Kelly from being hurt like Debbie was when she was attacked. I should have been there for her, but I foolishly stopped for a chat with Charlie about business. We've regretted that night for years and now I can redeem myself through Kelly.']
 
~~~~~~~~~
 
The next day, Aunt Debbie took me to her store. It was full of all sorts of clothing in all sots of styles and sizes. Towards the back are the appliances to aid a woman who needs help to be a woman by giving her enhancements.

When I saw the varied equipment, I got nervous, "Aunt Debbie, can you actually give me breasts?"

"Yes I can Kelly, please take off your top and bra when we get to my office." ['I bet this is the first time for Kelly to be fitted.']

"Why?"

"I need to take your measurements so that I can fit you for your breast forms." ['Oh my, this will be fun.']

Then I took off my top and sports bra that was filled with rolled up socks. Aunt Debbie measured me and then went over to a mixer where she began pouring in varied chemicals, then she turned it on and the mixer began to mix.

"Kelly, I am mixing up the special plastic that will be your breast forms. Once they are attached to your chest, they will feel and act like real breasts." ['Wish that I had this when I was transitioning.']

"Oh? Is that stuff some sort of artificial skin?"

"In a way, it’s a bio plastic that actually bonds with the skin and transfers sensation. You can wear them for a month, and then you need to let your skin breathe for a day before reapplying."

"Gee, it'll be great to actually have breasts, but what about my groin?"

"I'll be making a gaffe from the same stuff the gaffe will act like a vagina, so you'll have to sit to pee."

"OK, but what about having a period the same as genetic women?"

"That's taken care of too."

Then she poured the goop into a set three forms, then she broke the larger ones to reveal breasts. She took them and dipped them in warm water. Then she led me to a bedroom.

"OK Kelly, please lay on the bed so that I can attach the forms."

I got on the bed on my back, and then she returned with the forms and placed them on my chest. I could feel them bond to me and take on my skin tone. I tried to get up, but she pushed me back down.

"They need to set for thirty minutes. Then I will put the gaffe on you."

"Thanks Auntie, I can never repay you for your kindness."

"Tut, tut, there girlfriend, you're my niece. In helping you, I am repaying my parents."

"Then I hope that I get a chance to help another girl like us so that I can repay you, for your gift one day."

"That's the spirit," then she glanced at the clock on the wall, then left. When she returned, she had a flesh-tone panty in her hands.

"Is that my vagina?' I giggled.

"Yep, now please strip o that I can get you ready."

"What are you gonna do to me?"

Then she pointed to a pair of straps on the beds posts, "I need to tuck your boy bits up and make them look like you are a girl. Then you can put on the gaffe."

So I stripped and put my feet in the straps. Aunt Debbie then manipulated my boy bits and then tapped me on the shoulder, "OK Kelly, you look like a girl now. You can get up and look in the mirror."

I did as she said and when I saw my reflection, all that I saw was a naked young woman. There was no hint of boy about me. I touched my new beasts and vagina, and then I fainted.
 

~~~~~~~~~
 
During this time, that defrocked preacher showed his ugly head and caused some mischief when he saw Julie at cheer practice. The practice was over and Julie was getting ready to leave.

"Hello there, are you Julie Woods?"

"Yes I am, who are you?"

"I am a Man Of God, and I am here because I am worried about you."

"Why? Because I am a cheerleader and bounce around?"

"No child, it's because you are friends with Kelly Lee Moore."

Then Julie exclaimed, YOU'RE THAT DEFROCKED PREACHER THAT HATES EVERYBODY!!" Then she started to run away, but he caught her. Then Julie succeeded in flipping him and getting away only to be gassed by a couple of his goons.

"Sir? What do we do with her now?"

"We take her and use her to get that abomination Kelly."

"So, we do nothing to her?"

"I will not have her harmed! If she is hurt in any way, I will personally castrate her attacker!"

Then they carried the unconscious Julie to their van and sped away, leaving a note behind.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 10: Rescue   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After learning about the kidnapping of her best friend Julie Woods, Kelly decides to rescue her. But in doing so she pays a high price as she loses her innocence and learns how to hate

---

 
I woke up with Aunt Debbie holding my hand, "Sorry about that, I guess that you overloaded when you saw the new you." ['It is hard to believe that Kelly is now my niece for all intents and purposes.']

I smiled, "That's OK Aunt Debbie. I just have to get used to looking like a girl now. When I first saw my new look, I finally saw a woman. There was absolutely no trace of boy. Until then, I saw myself as a boy in a dress. NOW, I see myself as a girl." [' LORD, I want to say good bye to Kelly boy and hello Kelly girl. Please let Kelly boy go to Heaven.']

Then she helped me to sit up, "That's what happens I guess. For me, I woke up from surgery as a girl. So I have no idea of what you went through. You're the first that I saw to get her first forms."

Then I got up and saw that I was naked, "Aunt Debbie, where are my clothes?"

She passed me fresh lingerie and hose, "Here, fresh clothes for the new you. I have a shorts set for you too."

Then I donned the pantyhose, "Thanks."

After that, I donned the "34C" cup bra that was perfect for my breasts and matching red panty, "Here's the shorts set, Supergirl," she giggled.

"Why Supergirl?"

"Because you are strong to do what you're doing."

"OK, but I will feel foolish dressed like this."

"Nonsense! That red "S" is an iron-on logo, you can pull it off."

Yes, the shorts were red and the top was a blue long sleeved blouse with a red "S" on the left breast. I donned them, removed the logo and was handed red knee hi socks, "Aunt Debbie, you gonna have me wear red boots too?" I giggled.

"Yep, you'll be a boy magnet at Woods Family Restaurant."

"Are we meeting anybody?"

"Just your mother."

Then I hugged her, "Thanks Aunt Debbie," I wept.

"Anytime Kelly, anytime."

Then I donned the socks and boots and stood in front of the mirror, "Here is your purse," she said as she passed me a matching purse.

I opened the purse and saw my I.D. and other personnel items and closed the purse and kissed her, "Thanks."

Then we left her store, putting my old clothes in the trunk and headed off to eat lunch with momma.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, back at the school, Johnny was heading to meet Julie after football practice was over. He was worried because she usually went to the field after cheering in the gym.

"Hey Coach Sparks! Do you know where Julie is?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coach Martha Diana Greene is the Head Girl's Coach in charge of the cheerleaders. She is a petite African-American with classic Nubian features. She had won several local beauty contests and was Homecoming Queen in her senior year, replacing momma from the year before. Coach won a scholarship and went to college to become Athletics Teacher so she could return and teach cheer, dance, and gymnastics. She married Coach Henry David Sparks and became Coach Sparky because of her fiery temper when angry and outgoing attitude to her students.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She turned from where she was locking up the concession stand, "No I don't Johnny Boy. I thought that she'd be at the field with you and my husband David."

Johnny grimaced, No, she never showed up. I thought that maybe you had them practicing extra long today for some reason."

"WHAT? Not with Julie's attitude. With her being Head Cheerleader, my job is loads easier, Maybe we should check out her locker."

"OK Coach, I hope that she's there or a note. This has me worried," he sighed. ['LORD! Please let her be safe.']

"Me too Johnny, me too,"

They went down to the girl's locker room where Coach Sparky held up her hand, "Stay here until I make sure that there are no girls in there changing clothes." ['If I let him go in and see naked girls, it'd be my job.']

"Sure thing Coach, just make sure about Julie for me please." ['Julie's safety more important than more seeing naked girls.']

Then Coach went in, "Johnny!! Come on in!! It's clear!!" ['Now, this is weird, why is her locker open?']

"Where's my sister Coach, and did you open her locker? I see her favorite purse there." ['DAMN!! If she ain't here, then where is she?']

"Wish I knew. HEY!! WHAT'S THIS?!" She asked as she picked up an envelope with WOODS printed on it. And handed it to Johnny.

He opened it and read it, then blanched as he passed it over .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woods family, I have kidnapped your daughter Julie Woods. She is unharmed so far. But unless you send me that abomination known as Kelly Lee Moore, Julie will suffer!
I shall call you later tonight at 1000 P.M. to see if you have contacted Kelly. DO NOT trifle with me for your daughter's sake.
Reverend Linden Avery Brown

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She read it and wept with anger, "WHY DOES HE WANT SWEET KELLY?! WHAT HAS KELLY EVER DONE TO HIM!?" she asked as tears flowed.

"I don't give a damn why Coach! All that I know is that I gotta go tell mom and dad!" he said in fury as he stalked to his gray Thunderbird and raced for home.

In the car, he wept as he drove, "Oh Kelly my friend. Why is he after you? Why did he take my sister? It is up to you to save her. I feel so helpless right now! Please be strong for Julie. I can sense her fright. Thanks to that bond, I can tell you where she is."

Then he arrived home and bolted inside, leaving the car door open in his haste, "MOM!! DAD!! COME QUICK!! JULIE'S IN TROUBLE!!" he exclaimed as he slammed the door open.

"What's wrong son? Where's Julie?" asked a perplexed Mrs. Woods as she came running from the kitchen. ['Now what has gotten my son Johnny in such an uproar? And where is Julie? Surely she is OK.']

Johnny held out the now crumpled note to her, "Here! Read this! It'll explain EVERYTHING!" he proclaimed with conviction as he wept. ['LORD! What can I do but pray right now? I need momma and daddy!']

She read the note and wailed, "NO!!! NOT JULIE!!!" Then she crumbled as she fainted from the shock, but Johnny caught her and gently carried her to a sofa in the living room.

"Johnny, Why has your mother fainted?" asked Mister Woods as he came in from the kitchen where he was cooking dinner.

"Here, read this, momma did," said Johnny as he passed over the damning note.

"THAT BASTARD!! HE IS STILL PRACTICING HIS FILTH AFTER HE HURT DEBBIE!! THIS TIME!! HE WILL DIE!!" he exclaimed as he balled up his fists and wept.

"Dad, should I call the police?" ['I have not thought about them ever since Mister Moore died. He was the best.']

"No son, we will call my friend the County Constable. We are in his jurisdiction, not the city's. Besides, he hates that defrocked preacher too."

Then Mrs. Woods awoke, "Yes Charlie, we must make him pay for taking our daughter Julie. But we need to call Kelly as well so that she can help." ['Oh Kelly, I never thought that this would happen.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We met momma at Wood's All American Restaurant where there were an assembly of campers and R.V.'s with a banner announcing the Costumer's Convention, "You knew about this Aunt Debbie." I giggled.

"Yes, several of them needed my help with their costumes."

Then I stopped just before we went in, "People like me?" ['Can there be THAT many boys that want to be girls in the city?']

Then Aunt Debbie giggled, "No Silly G oose, there are a few men that like to either dress as women for fun or women who need help with their assets when wearing costumes. No Kelly, there is only one you." ['There's no need to tell her about the entire gamut of all of my customers and their needs.']

Then we went in and saw super heroes and their opponents throughout the restaurant, but around the buffet, there were empty seats for the regular customers. We were greeted by a hostess wearing a white blouse with matching pantyhose, black knee length skirt with matching loafers and a red blazer. "Welcome Debbie, is this your niece Kelly?"

"Yes it is Diana. We're here to meet her mother, Terri Moore. Is she here?" she asked while scanning the place.

Then we heard momma, "Over here Kelly!" She was standing by a table with her purse on it.

"Well, I guess that's her there," Diana smirked as she led us to momma.

"How do you know Diana, Aunt Debbie?" ['I wonder, could she be one of Auntie Debbie's school friends?']

"Diana is like us, she use to be David," she whispered to me.

"Wow! She looks so natural."

"That's because she took hormones while a preteen and developed a girl's body."

"Isn't that unusual?"

"Yes, but in her case, she had an accident that took her boy bits, so her parents let her transition to a girl early."

"She wanted to be a girl?"

"Yes."

"Cool! Glad her parents let her. I wonder if I'll look that good," I sighed.

Aunt Debbie put her hand on my shoulder, "You look THAT good now, Kelly!"

Then I hugged her, "Thanks."

By that time, we were at the table and were seated. Diana took our drink order and we went to the buffet where I loaded up on tuna and potato salad and clam chowder, my favorites.

I was seated, waiting for them, "Kelly, aren't you being a bit of a pig?" asked momma as she sat down.

"Momma, you know that I am quite active and that I burn off the calories." ['Is she getting on to me because I am in girl mode?']

Momma sighed, "Yes, I know that Kelly, but you're no longer that active. You need to cut back now or you will balloon on up. Now tell me, do you want to look like a beach ball or called a whale or a pig?" ['I hate having to do this, but she needs to change her eating habits or work out.']

Then Aunt Debbie hugged me, "Terri is right. When I transitioned, I had to watch what I ate because of the hormones." ['At least Kelly has the advantage of being given those hormones before puberty.']

"Momma, Aunt Debbie, I will do as you say, but right now, I am famished. And momma, you know that I only eat one plate."

"OK Kelly, just looking after you."

We had a scrumptious meal and I told them about my adventures as Kelly girl and why. Until then, I never thought about why I let myself be talked into being Kelly girl, now I knew why. I felt complete when I was Kelly girl. As Kelly boy, I loved sports and was never considered weak or a sissy by my teammates or fellow students.

It was only recently that being Kelly girl became more important than being Kelly boy when I finally accepted Kelly girl as the real me that things had changed. Now I needed to ground myself in what being a girl means.

As we finished our meal, momma received a call on her cell phone, "Hello?"

"Yes, Kelly is here. Why?"

"MY GOD!! ARE YOU SURE?"

"We're on our way!"

"Julie was kidnapped by that defrocked preacher. He wants Kelly."

"You mean that he wants me to go to him and he'll let Julie go?"

"Yes."

Then we left for the Woods Estate at breakneck speed, running red lights the whole way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In an abandoned building converted into a church, Pastor Linden sat in his office with a bound Julie, still in her blue skirted leotard and white tights from practice sat tied to a chair on the other side of the desk.

Guarding the pastor were two beefy men wearing black sweats and shoes. BOTH were sexually excited thinking about sex with Julie, their pants showed their arousal by the tenting of the crotch.

"Well Julie, by now your family should have contacted Kelly. All too soon, that abomination will be here where I shall do my Christian duty and deal with him," he sneered. ['I do it for the Church and YOU LORD.']

"Why do you call Kelly an abomination?"

"Because he chooses to be a girl when he was born a boy! Worst of all, he has corrupted the school! Luckily, I have a few followers there."

"Don't you mean to say fellow Christians?"

"HAH! ONLY MY FOLLOWERS TRULY FOLLOW GOD!! THE OTHERS HAVE BEEN FOOLED BY KELLY!" he shouted.

"Kelly has hurt no one. In fact he was hurt when a doctor gave him hormones making him go through a girl's puberty."

"So? Kelly STILL chose to dress as a girl and cause boys to lust for him. He has embraced being an abomination!"

"Well I hope that Kelly trounces you for taking me! You had no right to kidnap me!"

"Then Julie, I shall let my followers convince you otherwise> They are eager to help you see the truth."

Then the guards lifted the protesting Julie and carried her to the sofa where they lay her and raped her repeatedly. She shouted through the gag they placed in her mouth as they assaulted her until she passed out from the pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"THE PAIN!!!" Johnny shouted as he grabbed his groin and fell over.

Mister Woods lifted his son up, "What's wrong Sport?"

"IT'S JULIE!! THEY ARE RAPING HER!!!"

Then Mister Woods began crying as he laid Johnny on the sofa, "THE BASTARDS!!! THIS IS WAR!!!" he exclaimed.

Mrs. Woods came running in, "Did I hear right? Julie is being raped?!"

"Yes momma, GOD IT HURTS!!"

"WHAT?!"

"Momma, I feel Julie being raped!! I feel her pain and fear!!"

Then he fainted away from the pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The County Constable was in his office when he got the call, "Hello?"

"Sebastian, This is Chuck."

"Why Chuck!! How are things with you and your family? Last I heard, Kelly had been benched because of an injury."

"He was, but that's not why I called you."

"This sounds serious Chuck."

"Julie has been kidnapped and possibly raped by Pastor Linden!"

"DAMN!! I thought that we were rid of his ilk! I'm on my way over!"

"WAIT! There's more!"

"SPILL IT!!"

He wants Kelly!!"

Then he hung up the phone and bolted for the Woods Estate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we approached the Estate, I saw something amazing, "Momma! There's Mrs. Woods out front!"

She was there, keeping the gate open for us so that we wouldn't have to stop to open it. After we went in, she came in and shut the gate, then she got in with us as Aunt Debbie had opened the back door, "Thanks for the gate Lynn."

She began to weep, "Debbie,[sniff, sniff] I am more worried about Julie, [sniff, sniff] and Johnny seems to be bonded to her."

"WHAT!? Exclaimed momma as she braked quickly.

"That's right Terri, he felt her fear and pain of being raped."

"I'LL KILL HIM!!!" I exclaimed with tears running unashamedly down my face.

Momma drove on to the Manor House, "Kelly, my feelings exactly, but Julie's safety comes first," admonished Mrs. Woods.

"WHY DID HE TAKE HER?! WHY?!"

"To get you Kelly, to get you," replied Mrs. Woods.

Momma parked the car and we got out and Johnny grabbed me in a bear hug, "Oh Kelly! This is a nightmare!!"

Then I kissed him as e let me back down, "Don't worry Johnny, I am here to help end it."

Then we went in as a new car entered the gates, "That'll be the Sebastian, Charlie's Constable friend. He called him after he called you."

"Good, We'll need his help," stated Aunt Debbie as we went inside.

Mrs. Woods stayed at the door to let him in while we went to the dining room where Mister Woods had set out coffee for everybody, He hugged me as I approached him," Welcome back Kelly, wish it was under better circumstances."

I hugged him, "Me too Mister Woods, me too." [' LORD! Give the strength to do what I must to save Julie.']

Then Constable Sebastian entered, "OK Charlie, I'm here."

Mister Woods sighed, "Thanks old friend. Everybody sit down and I'll tell you what we know about Julie's kidnapping."

After we sat down, he continued, Johnny found a note in Julie's locker after practice with Coach Sparky. According to the note, Pastor Linden took her and wants to exchange her for Kelly. But we know that she has been raped."

"How do you know Sir?"

"I felt her pain in my body as it happened, Kelly."

I hugged Johnny, "How cruel to learn that way my brother! To be linked and feel her pain."

"There is one good thing, I know where she is."

"Then my people will rescue her."

"No Sir, THAT'S MY JOB!!"

After some arguing, it was decided that I would meet him and thanks to Johnny, I knew where they were. We got into a minibus that the Constable had arrived in and the Wood's phone has been transferred to my cell phone.

We pulled up to Pastor Linden's MIGHTY GOD CHURCH and were aghast at the gaudy display. We got out and I silently entered through the back door, leading the others. about the time that the Constable had secured the door, my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Is this Kelly?"

"It is."

"Good, good. Are you ready to meet me?"

"Yes."

"Then let me tell you where I am."

"Are you not n your church?"

"Yes I am, Why?"

Then I knocked him out with a single blow to the neck. I was able to sneak up on him, "Because ASSHOLE! I am here to rescue Julie."

By that time, the others had freed Julie who was crying, "Oh Kelly!! They hurt me!!"

"Who?"

She pointed to the two guards, THEM!! THEY RAPED ME!!"

I lost it then, I jumped on both and beat on both of them. I heard bones crack, and heard cries of pain until I felt a shock and passed out.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 11: Aftermath   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After Kelly has saved her best friend and soul sister from the kidnapper Pastor Linden, she must face her hatred and overcome it or live with bitterness as her heart grows cold and bitter.

---

 
I woke up on a couch in the pastor's study, I saw him still unconscious and the bodies of the guards bloodied from my attack. I tried to get up, but I got dizzy and lay back down. Then I saw my still bloodied hands and I lost it.

"NO!! NO!! WHY?! OH WHY?!"

I remembered me attacking them without mercy and landing deadly blows that struck with a sickening finality as I heard bones crack and their bodies contort into gruesome shapes in what I thought was death.

I had been raised to seek forgiveness and reconciliation of differences. Yet I had chosen to maim, kill, and destroy using the skills I learned that taught peace and serenity. I had broken my word to not use my skills to hurt others. This was the price to pay.
 
 
Then Mister Woods came and hugged me, "Why what Kelly?" ['DEAR LORD! Kelly needs your help! My Godchild is suffering, and I am helpless to do anything!! What can I do other than call Pastor Pat?']

"Why did they hurt Julie Poppa? [sniff, sniff] Why hurt her when they wanted me?" I wailed as I soaked his shirt with my tears.

He stroked my head, "I don't now Kelly, [sniff, sniff] I don't know. [sniff, sniff] But I do know this." [' Why is he calling me poppa?']

"What's that poppa?"

"You saved Julie from being hurt anymore." ['Why Kelly!! LORD, Why must she sacrifice herself? I was ready to rescue my daughter, but Kelly jumped in and was a dynamo!! Now she is in distress!! I feel so helpless!! Please LORD, help my Godchild because I do not know what to do to comfort
her!']

"But they hurt her! [sniff, sniff] Oh! How I HATE them!! [sniff, sniff] I want them to DIE!" I exclaimed as I beat on his chest. He simply grunted and let me pummel his strong chest in my rage and fury.

Mrs. Woods then hugged me as Mister Woods began crying silently, "Kelly, you must release that hate or become bitter," she admonished me as she wiped away my tears. ['Kelly has been grievously hurt by the ordeal. LORD! How can I comfort my distressed Godchild. I am afraid that she may suicide in her despair.']

"But how? My heart is full of hate!! I am not worthy of love anymore!" I wailed as I held up my bloodied hands. "How can anyone love me NOW!!" I wailed as I brandished my hands in a futile attempt to get rid of the stain on my heart.

Then momma hugged me as I beat upon her back, "I LOVE YOU KELLY!! [sniff, sniff] NEVER FORGET THAT!!" she declared as she wept or me. ['My child! My child! Don't be crying! The LORD
will heal you!!']

"Oh momma! I am broken!! What good am I?! Why am I still living? Why am I not dead as they are?' ['Please LORD!! Take e home!!']

Then she cupped my chin in her hand, "Kelly, remember this, My child! My child! Don’t cry! The LORD will heal you!!" ['LORD. Please tell me!! Why must my child suffer so for helping her friend Julie?']

Then I saw only blackness, "LORD! I HOPE SO!! But I have no hope," I sighed as I sank into black despair. All that I saw was a bleak world void of color, filled with the pain and anguish of the hopeless.

Then momma handed me to Johnny, "Oh Kelly! You saved my sister Julie when I couldn't!! I am here for you lil' sister!! I will never let you go!!" [' She has suffered from loving me, now she suffers from loving Julie. Is Kelly doomed to suffer from loving others? I fell in love with her years ago when she was Tinkerbelle for Halloween. Since then, I have seen her confront and overcome obstacles in her way. NOW she has met something beyond her ability to cope with. LORD! Please help my beloved! For I am helpless to help her myself.']

Then a light broke through as his love pierced my despair, "Thank you Johnny! I did it for both of you and would again, no matter the cost to me. Even if it means suffering as I am now, I would gladly pay the price," I sighed in resignation of having no hope. ['LORD! Even though I have no HOPE, I ask YOU to help me to get through this.']

"I know my sister, but now you need to rest and recover your spirit. Come and see Julie, she wants to see you," ['Even now, I can feel her anguish over the rape. LORD, give me the WISDOM to help her, to help them both.']

Johnny carried me over to where Julie lay, her uniform in tatters, hose ripped, but covered with a white sheet that preserved her modesty. She looked at me and smiled as tears unashamedly ran down her face, "Kelly thanks for rescuing me," she said as she kissed me on the cheek. [' She did it for me and now she suffers.']

"I wish that I could have done more, or taken your place," I sighed. ['Maybe rape would be better than this despair.']

Julie opened the sheet and Johnny laid me by her and she snuggled up to me and held me as I dried her tears, "Kelly, you stopped them from hurting me, that's enough! In fact, it's MORE than enough," she said with conviction as her eyes moistened with tears of love. ['My friend is paying too high of a price for me.']

"But Julie! You simply don't understand my pain! I killed them, I am a MURDERER!! I deserve DEATH!!" I wailed out my torment of black despair as I held out my bloodied hands and saw where I had left blood on her cheeks, I saw no hope for myself and prison as my only reward for my sin.

Then the Constable placed his hand on my shoulder, "No Kelly, they’re alive, you didn’t kill them. I stunned you before you could. The blood on your hands comes from their bloodied noses." ['She’s committed no crime but that of helping her friend if such is a crime. I’ll do what I can to shield her from harm."]

Then I looked up at him, as Johnny gently covered me and Julie up with another blanket. Once again my heart saw the LIGHT of HOPE. "You mean that they will live?"

"Yes, but for their reward for causing such pain and anguish, none of them will ever father children from what you did to them," he chuckled. ['Kelly has given them a most apt punishment. When they go to prison, their stay will be a living hell as they cope with the effects of the attack.']

Then I grasped what he said and smirked, "They deserved it. Now I don't feel so bad, but I still need to rest," I said as I lay by Julie who raised the sheet. ['I am not a killer. I did not kill in my anger thanks to him. Thank you LORD for keeping me from committing such a crime. I know that I would have killed if not I had not have been stopped by Poppa Woods friend Constable Sebastian.']

As I went to sleep, Pastor Patrick came in, he spoke with the others about what happened, and then he came over to us, "Julie, is there anything that I or the Church can do for you?" He asked with tears in his eyes. ['That bastard Linden will pay for this abomination of justice if I can do anything at all to help! One thing that I CAN do is take away his church since I am the Head of the Tri-County Church Council.']

Julie shook her head, "No sir, momma and daddy are taking me to the hospital to make sure that I am OK, I need to know if they got me pregnant or gave me some S.T.D. when they assaulted me, but Kelly needs you," she said as she hugged me. ['Buck up Kelly, Pastor Patrick is here for you my sister.']

I held her hands in mine, "I know that my sister, but I also need to make sure about YOU. If you are pregnant by them, we, I will be there for you. I will give up being a girl and marry you." ['I must be strong for my sister, but how can I LORD? I truly want to be a girl, but I will sacrifice for my sister.']

Then she hugged him, "Thanks, I guess that I might need to talk about what happened to me if that's alright that is. I've heard that sharing a burden halves it ever since you have been my Pastor. I hope that it's true. And if I am pregnant, I will accept your proposal Kelly. But I hope I am not."

Wiping her tears, Pastor Patrick smiled as he saw our deep love for each other. "Yes, that's alright. Now I need to see about Kelly." [LORD! Help me to help these poor children, Their love is a Testimony of Your Grace.']

"OK."

Then he laid his hands on me, "LORD. Kelly has been sorely hurt in her spirit by what happened. She has found bitterness and hatred now. Please help the wounded child to conquer the bitterness and hatred so that her soul is not darkened. I ask YOU
to give her peace so that she may say that it is well with her soul. In YOUR mighty NAME, AMEN!" ['There, I have done all that I can do for Kelly. The rest is up to YOU my LORD.']

"Thank you Pastor Patrick. [yawn] I know that things will be better for me now. [yawn] If y'all don't mind, [yawn] I need to take a nap." ['Is this YOU LORD helping me? All that I know is that I am at PEACE now and that is enough for now.']

Then Julie fluffed up my pillow and kissed me, "Me too Kelly, me too." ['This is the first time that we have taking a nap together without supervision.']

Nobody objected and they came over to give us both a kiss and hug good night. Julie and I giggled as Pastor Patrick's beard tickled us. They left us there, curled up together as we snuggled down to sleep. Even though I could have, I did not arouse at the thought of sex with Julie, I saw her as my sister, NOT my lover. Then I had a dream.
 

~*~
 
I saw daddy sitting on a rock, with his arms open wide, "Welcome back Kelly, you have been sorely hurt! Be at Peace my child, and rest from your weary load and find refreshment "he grinned.

I jumped into his arms and he held me safe and secure as I snuggled up to him and kissed and hugged him, "Thank you daddy, I love you so much." I felt safe and secure in his arms and felt my darkness fade away.

He looked into my sad and weary eyes as I released my despair and anger from my heart, "Yes my child, rest from your weary load and heavy burden. You have been through the valley of despair and bitterness. Now it is time to release that anger and hatred so that you may be whole again my child."

"But how daddy? Right now I feel safe and secure, but I still feel the burden of hatred and anger deep within me that even now I can't get rid of. Can you help me get rid of them, or do I go to Jesus," I sighed as I wondered with a smattering of hope what could be done to help me.

Then he motioned to a group of angels carrying a variety of musical instruments, "Listen to the song and learn."

"What song daddy?"

Then I heard angels sing the song "GIVE THEM ALL TO JESUS." As I listened, my heart broke as the pain of the anger, bitterness and hatred was lifted and replaced with the JOY OF THE LORD. When the song was over, I looked up as an angel approached us. If mythical Helen of Troy was so beautiful that she launched a thousand ships, HERE was the face that would easily win her heart.

He was both tall and strong, with a ready smile and a twinkle in his eyes, "Hello there, which angel are you?" I asked as I held out my hand.

He gently shook my hand, engulfing it in his big, meaty palm, "I am the Archangel Gabriel, Young Warrior. I have come to help you in your need," he warmly smiled as I saw his wings fold down upon his shoulders.

I looked from him to my daddy in confusion as my daddy chuckled, "Young warrior? I am not any sort of warrior. Daddy here was a Police Officer on Earth, not me. Now why do you call me Young Warrior?"

Then my daddy hugged me, "Because you have fought a Great Battle in your young Life and won a victory that very few could ever hope to accomplish in their lives Kelly. I am very proud of you my child."

"But Gabriel and daddy, I don't feel victorious at all. I feel all yucky and gross inside as if I am full of something rotten and not worthy of even being here. If that makes sense to you," I sighed and looked down, ashamed to admit to my admission of failure and defeat.

Then he took hold of my chin and turned my face towards him, "Kelly, Young Warrior, by taking on those who kidnapped Julie and defeating them, THAT was your victory, and then by giving up the anger, bitterness and hatred that it caused, you have sealed it. And none could have done any better."

Then I smiled sheepishly and blushed, thankful for his kindness, "Well, funny thing is that even though I gave them up, I still feel all hollow inside. Gabriel, can you please tell me Why is that is."

Then he looked at me and grinned I could see a merry twinkle in his eyes, " Kelly, the reason for that is very simple. It is because you have YET to give them all over to the MASTER," replied Gabriel.

"How do I do that Gabriel?"

Then another angel came up, while Gabriel was dark haired with blue eyes, this one was red haired with green eyes. He held out a dark sphere with traces of red through out, "You must give THIS to the MASTER Kelly."

I took the bauble from him, What is this and who are you?"

"I am the Archangel Michael. What I handed to you is the burden that weighed you down from the ordeal. Now, once you give it over to the MASTER, then you will be free of it and its weight forever more."

Then I saw my life was now freed of the ordeal and the Joy of Life once again filling me, "May I hug the two of you?"

They looked at each other and light danced in their eyes, "Yes, just let you father hold the bauble," they chorused.

Then I handed daddy the bauble and hugged the angels who both smiled sheepishly, then flew away as a pearlescent light approached us, "Well Kelly, you have certainly given my Archangels Gabriel and Michael much to ponder, he chuckled.

"JESUS!!" I exclaimed as I jumped into HIS awaiting arms. I felt even safer in His arms than my daddy's.

"Yes, young Kelly, it is I, I bid you welcome to Heaven my sweet child," he smiled as HE wiped away my tears of JOY.

Then I suddenly thought about Julie and her ordeal and my Heart needed an answer, "Will Julie be OK?"

"Yes, she is here now, she is being healed of her pain and despair so that she will not have any nightmares and be able to give her love to her husband. When she marries she will not remember the ordeal's pain."

"Am I to be her husband?"

"Only you can decide to ask her."

"OK, Oh yeah! I have a burden to give you."

Then he held the bauble, "You mean this."

"Yes, I thought that daddy had it though."

"When you freely gave up your burden, you gave it to me."

"What happens to it now?"

"As with all such, I send it as far as the East is from the West."

"OK Jesus, I feel that it is time to go for some reason," I sighed.

"It is Kelly, go say bye to your father then you shall awaken."

Then I kissed Jesus," Bye Jesus."

Then I went to my daddy who opened his arms, "So long Kelly."

I kissed him," Bye daddy."
 

~*~
 
Then when I awoke, I found that I was in my bed in the Playhouse with Julie snuggled up by me. We were both wearing matching tops, shorts and hose of white. As I looked at her smiling face, I began thinking about her and what she meant to me.

Did I think of her as just my sister? Did I want to be her lover? COULD I be her lover? Did she want me to be her brother? Did she want me to be her sister? Did she want me to be her lover? Could I be the Father of her children?

As I pondered these questions, Julie awoke with a smile, "Morning Beautiful, how long have you been awake?" [' What a night! That dream seems to have erased my nightmare for me.']

"For about an hour, I've been thinking about us too." ['Now it is time to see if things have changed between us.']

She lay on her side, Oh? What about us? Should I be worried?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

I turned to her, "Whether we are sisters or more than that. Last night kinda makes me wonder," I sighed.

Then she gently stroked my cheek, "Please don't wonder Kelly. I can give you the answer you are seeking." ['Usually it is Kelly that is comforting me. NOW it is my sister that needs for me to comfort her.']

"Why?"

"Because you ARE my brother or sister depending on who you choose to be. I know that you love me as a sister, and truthfully, that is more than enough for me." ['It has taken me until now for me to be able to admit it.']

"So, am I forgiven for dropping you as my girlfriend?" I sighed as I remembered the Hell that we both went through not long ago.

Then she kissed me gently on the lips, "You were forgiven long ago." ['And now I can give you what you need.']

Then I kissed her in return, "Thanks my sister. I just wish that I knew how I feel right now," I sighed.

Then she grinned "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Tell me this Kelly my sister, do you want to be a girl?"

"Yes."

Then it’s simple, really."

Oh?"

"You are NOT a lesbian, Right?"

"Right. I like boys, especially Johnny."

"There you go sister."

After that, we got up and went down to breakfast and got on with our lives. Julie's exam showed that she was clean of any S.T.D. and other than being sore, was basically sound. She never had any nightmares from the ordeal and faithfully attended the support group where she met Andrew Barbabas Taylor whom she started dating soon after.

Johnny went to counseling about his part of the ordeal and learned about the pain that victims go through. He decided then to devote himself to becoming a Police Officer like my daddy. He went to college and earned degrees in counseling, and athletics.

Constable Sebastian made sure that Pastor Linden and his followers went to prison and the church was disbanded. But in its place the Tri-County Counseling Center was formed and run by Pastor Patrick's son Pat Junior who helped many people with their problems.
 

~*~
 
After breakfast, we got together to talk about what happened to us with the others. We talked about our respective dreams and how JESUS had spoken to us and how HE had taken away our burden and despair.

When we were finished, everybody gave us a group hug and promised to be there for us if we ever needed them for anything. Then we left the building and the Constable handed the keys to the building over to Pastor Patrick.

"Thank you Constable, the Council will decide what to do with this closed church."

"The only reason that I'm doing this is because the Tri-County Church Council was given the right by the Constitution."
 

~*~
 
Then we all left and went on our way after I had hugged and kissed momma and the Woods good bye for now. As I drove us back to the farm, I began to ponder what my life would be like now that I ready for my new life.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 12: Becoming Kelly Girl   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: Kelly starts learning more about herself as she unlearns her boyhood and embraces her womanhood. In doing so, she comes to appreciate what being a woman truly means.

---

 
The next day, Aunt Debbie got me up early for that day's activities. I wore my red skort with a blue top, white socks and sneakers and taupe hose. My hair I combed into a ponytail held by a flag barrette. I came down to breakfast to find Aunt Debbie was fixing us some hot instant grits and toast with coffee.

I sat down to my bowl, "Where's Granny and Grandpa? Aren't they up yet?" ['Wonder why she is smiling, What does she have planned for today?']

Aunt Debbie sat down to her breakfast, "They're going to be at the Community Outreach Store helping with sacking up the care packages for the shut-ins and the needy." ['My parents love to help others. I am Blessed to be their daughter.']

"Oh, I thought that he'd be out on his tractor and she'd be outside in her garden," I smiled, thinking about how much they did for everybody, not asking for anything in return”. They are perfect examples of Christian Love.

Then Aunt Debbie smirked, "Actually, they went on his trusty tractor. They left an hour ago," she giggled, seeing my astonishment.

On that rusty tractor? Come on Auntie! Ya' gotta be kidding! I laughed at the picture of them actually doing it.

"Well, they're pulling a hay wagon full of her canned goods and quilts as well as the appliances he repaired." ['What a sight that was to see, I'll show Kelly the pictures I took when they're developed.']

"What's on the agenda for the day?" ['I wonder if she has anything scheduled for my becoming a woman yet?']

"We're going to enroll you in Central-County Private High School where I went to school. You'll like it because the students there wear uniforms of red and blue, the girl's hem lines are cheerleader length." ['Kelly always did like showing off her legs, the little scamp. Good thing she has the legs for it.']

"But what about my school records? Will they accept me as Kelly girl? I've been seen by students there when they went to Ronzi's and that might cause trouble with the religious zealots there," I sighed as I thought about Linden and his followers. ['Will those zealots trouble me up here? Or am I safe from them?']

Aunt Debbie clasped my hand, "Don't you fret none Girl! Your Grandpa has already taken care of that detail for you." ['Poppa has way too many friends here for them zealots to cause my niece any trouble, but she'll have to see for herself.']

"OK Auntie, Hadn't you best get ready? Or are you gonna go dressed in your pajamas?" I giggled. [' Momma and Mrs. Woods did it a few times, but that was when we kids had to be early for a trip.']

Auntie held up the collar of her red Pinto pajama top. "Well, guess I'd better since you brought it up Miss Smarty Pants," she giggled. ['It's been way too long since I've actually felt so young. Kelly has restored my youth for me.']

She took her now empty bowl to the sink and set it in soapy water while I washed up the dishes. Then she went to change for the day and came down wearing a blue sweat suit and sneaker that displayed her figure to the max, "Very nice Auntie, are you dressing up for anyone in particular?" ['I know she has that special guy she told me about on the way up here, I wonder if I'll get to meet him now.']

She blushed, "Yes, I am, my boyfriend. After we enroll you, we're seeing him for lunch," she sighed. ['She deserves to meet him. I am not sure, but maybe meeting him will help her in her relationship with Johnny.']

I drove us to school where I saw that it was an old brick four story building that took up an entire block. The athletic field and softball field were to the right with a parking lot on the other sides of the building all encompassed by a red brick fence with wrought iron on top shaped like eagles; the mascot for the school.

As I drove through the gates, I heard Aunt Debbie crying, "Auntie?" ['Is she having a nervous breakdown?']

She turned to me and smiled, "Yes Kelly?" ['Sweet child, so loving and caring, she wants to know why I'm crying.']

I saw her grab a napkin and blow her nose, "Why are you crying? Is everything alright? Are you having a nervous breakdown?" I asked as I stopped to let students cross over from the school to parking lot in front of the fields.

"I'm alright, no nervous breakdown," she smiled.

""Well...OK... If you say so." I replied dubiously as I continued on after the way cleared.

She wiped her eyes and reapplied her makeup, "Kelly, I have many a fond memory of my time here as Brian. Four wonderful years of being the school's Chess Champion," she sighed with a smile. ['I hope that Kelly finds her niche and blossoms into a young woman here.']

I passed her my kit seeing that she was out of mascara, "But Auntie, I thought that you were attacked at that Halloween party!" ['Could I have misunderstood?']

She shook her head, "No, that was in my senior year Kelly. Did you think it was any earlier for some reason?" ['We never did say when, I guess she assumed an earlier date.']

I blushed at my mistake, "Yes, I thought that it was during your Freshman year, I don't know where I got that idea from, silly me," I giggled. ['Now she has something amusing to tell everybody.']

She patted me on the shoulder, "Don't worry girl, I guess that we should have told you when. My mistake." ['Talking to Kelly is like talking to my sister Terri. They both have the same way of looking at things.']

I smiled and blushed, "That's OK Auntie, where do we park?" I asked as we passed through the gate. ['Aunt Debbie is a whole lot more fun than I ever thought, just like momma. I am blessed to be a part of the family.']

She pointed to an empty space, "In front, by the fountain. That's where the office is." ['I can't wait to see her face.']

"OK," I pulled into a space by the fountain marked 'RESERVED DEBORAH MOORE" and looked at her with amusement in my eyes. ['She deliberately set me up for this, guess she's paying me back for my pranks.']

She smirked, "Yes, [giggle] I am on staff here. Teaching here has been very helpful in my overcoming the attack. I hope that you can find something similar for yourself here Kelly," she sighed.

I parked the car, "As what? I thought that you had that store." ['This should be interesting. I never considered her to be a teacher.']

She closed her purse after putting way her cosmetics, "I am the Cheerleader Coach for the Varsity team and the Coach for the Dance Team and Majorettes." ['I know that Kelly will want to be on one of the teams, but which one will she choose?']

We got out, locked up and went to the office where we were met by Principal Joseph 'Eagle Eye' Roberts; a Native American from the Navajo nation. He was dressed in buckskin and moccasins with an eagle feather over each ear. His office was a monument to Native America with pictures of Navajo life and Navajo artifacts adorning the walls and a bear skin rug on the floor.

Aunt Debbie hugged him as he shut the office door, "Well Eagle Eye, I'd like for you to meet my niece Kelly Lee Moore." ['DAMN! He is still able to get my blood flowing! But he is as devoted to his wife as I am to my betrothed.']

He looked me over and smiled, "But Wildflower, I thought that Kelly was your nephew, not your niece my friend." ['So lovely, Kelly is as beautiful as her aunt. It’s amazing that a boy can be such a pretty girl.']

I tugged on her sleeve, "WILD FLOWER?" I asked. ['Just what does this mean? Is Aunt Debbie this guy's girlfriend?']

She blushed, "Yes Kelly, Wildflower is my Navajo name. I earned it when Eagle Eye invited me to join the Navajo nation like my birth parents did." ['Momma, poppa, I wish that you could join, but y'all are already the Chief's Friends.']

We sat down, "Did momma or daddy join? I think that'd be great!" ['But if so, why have they not told me?']

She took a sip of her tea that he had placed there for her, "No, Eagle Eye helped me after the assault when he stopped it. I was asked to join because Stu and my birth parents were members of the tribe, NOT our adoptive parents." ['We never have seen them except for in pictures.']

I sipped my tea, finding it excellent, "So, he knows your secret?" ['I wonder if there are any people like Debbie and me here on the reservation?']

He sat down behind his desk, "Yes Kelly, I know that Debbie used to be Brian. Are you like her?" ['If so, then I have met a true beauty unlike any other.']

I blushed, "Almost, I want to be a girl. But like Aunt Debbie, I was born a boy." ['Is he flirting with me?']

He shrugged, "And you want to enroll Kelly as a girl?" ['I saw Brian become Debbie, now I may have the Blessing of seeing Kelly transform too, but there are a few problems too.']

I smiled, "Yes Eagle Eye, I do. Will there be any problems?" ['Was I wrong to use his Navajo name instead of his American name?']

He looked at me and frowned, "Unfortunately, yes. Kelly here is rather well known from her outings at Ronzi's. Many of our students frequent there and have seen her there on several occasions." ['I have to admit that they were right. Kelly is a real sweet young lady and a heart breaker too.']

I glanced over at Aunt Debbie, "Sir, have they had anything negative to say about me?" ['LORD, if they do, then I have no chance.']

He cleared his throat, "On the contrary, they all like you and wish that you attended here. I do too, if the problems can be solved." [' I guess that I must be getting sentimental for Wildflower because I want Kelly to attend, but I must obey the dictates of the school.']

Aunt Debbie sat forward, "Then what's the problem Eagle Eye that a Brave such as you are afraid to handle?" asked Debbie. ['It really must be something big for him to be stonewalling us like he is, but at least he isn't flat out denying us.']

He shoved a folder into a cubbyhole, "It's her records. She is still listed as a boy. Please my friend, have a way out for Kelly or I must deny her entry." [' Has her father come through for her, or am I to be forced to deny Kelly entry into the school?']

Aunt Debbie passed over my NEW records that Grandpa's friends had changed, "Look at these and tell me what you see." ['Thanks daddy, you came through in a pinch before I knew you were needed.']

He glanced at my records and smiled, "OK, but if she enrolls there is the problem of her plumbing." ['Knowing that Wildflower, she either has that covered already or will have all too soon.']

Aunt Debbie smiled and glanced at me with a wink, "Sir, what if I can show that I look like a girl all the way?" ['This is a first for me! Just wonder if Aunt Debbie had to do something like this when she enrolled in school?']

He looked at us in shock and disbelief, "No! I do not want for you to disrobe! And for you to show a woman your genitals would be called sexual harassment, even if she is your aunt." ['What are they thinking?']

I looked over at Aunt Debbie who was laughing so hard that she was crying, "What if I simply show you my bikini? Won't that be proof that I look like a girl?" ['Glad that she is getting a laugh out of this.']

He nodded, "Wildflower, go lock the door and pull the curtains closed!" ['So, unless this is a very bad joke, they have answered the question of Kelly's gender.']

Then I took off my top and showed him my red bra and then dropped my shorts to show my red bikini bottoms. He stared, amazed at my evident girl's body, "But how? There hasn't been enough time for surgery!" ['Looks so real! Great Spirit, can that actually be one of Wildflower's creations from her store?']

Then I redonned my top and shorts, "I am wearing breast forms and a gaffe that give me a girl's groin. So there is no worry about my being outed that way." ['He looks as if he does not believe that such things exist.']

He leaned back in his chair and laughed heartily, "Very well young Rascal, you can enroll as a girl, but to be safe, use the teacher's restrooms in each section," ['Thank you Great Spirit! You have in Your Wisdom taught me a new thing thanks to young Spiritwing here, for that shall be her Navajo name.']

I curtsied which seemed to amuse him from the crinkle of his eyes and Aunt Jane's titter told me that she loved it too, "Thank you sir. You will not regret letting me enroll here." ['Thank you LORD for giving me this chance.']

He cleared his throat, "You're very welcome Kelly, [chortle] you Rascal you. [chortle] Now that that's over, I want for you to come to the reservation and earn your Indian name," he laughed merrily. ['My tribe will truly make her feel welcome. She like Wildflower has the Soul of a Navajo within her.']

I bowed low to honor his offer, "I am honored Eagle Eye, when do I come?" ['What will the Woods or momma think when they hear?']

He got a wooden nickel out of a drawer with an Indian Brave on one side, 'Navajo Nation' on the other side, "You will come with Wildflower when she comes. Make sure that you dress as a squaw please." ['Kelly will find this to be very different from anything else she has done, just like Wildflower before her,]

I accepted the coin he held out to me, "What is this? It looks way cool sir." [' Must be some Navajo medallion, but why wood?']

He smiled mischievously, "It’s your token to enter our tribe." ['She is as curious as a cat. She will do well as a squaw.']

I pocketed the coin and thanked him with a peck on the cheek, "Thank you, may I wear a minidress or shorts as a squaw?" ['If he says a Navajo Squaw Dress, I'll do it as long as Auntie does too.']

"Yes, many squaws do that on the reservation."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is what Aunt Debbie was thinking about me:['Kelly will now need to pass as a woman now that she is attending school as a girl. She'll need to get used to the weight staying on her chest as well as the gaffe that will tuck her boy bits safely away and let her look like a girl. That is perhaps the best thing she will get from being out here with us. She really needs no more training in being a girl. What she needs is time to become a woman away from the temptation of Johnny. I know that the next time that she meets Johnny that she will give herself to him. This time, I hope things fare better.']

I became popular and was soon joining the Cheerleaders and attending the games. I dressed out, but since I did not know the routines, I never did any stunts until my senior year. Then I became Head Cheerleader because of my abilities, much to the chagrin of others who thought that they had earned the title, but even those girls had to admit that I was better qualified.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was two weeks later, and I had yet to do anything about becoming a woman as I was promised by Aunt Debbie and my grandparents. My grandparents were once again out at the Church, helping with the Church Thrift Store. As was their custom, they loaded up Granny's canned goods and quilts as well as Grandpa's repaired appliances and woodwork. Whatever was not sold was brought back because there was no room for storage . The store was in the Church basement-Fellowship Hall.

Aunt Debbie and I were eating breakfast outside in an enclosed gazebo that Grandpa had just built in the backyard. I was wearing a black skirted leotard and white hose in preparation for working out at the gym with Auntie later that day. She was wearing a pink unitard, I was thinking about the fact that she was a girl while I was still physically a boy.

I felt it was time to start, so I turned to Aunt Debbie, " It has been 2 weeks. When do I see a doctor about being turned into a girl?" ['I hope that she won't discourage me from having the surgery.

Aunt Debbie sighed, "Are you sure and certain that you want to become a girl? Because once you have the operation, there is no going back for you. That's why I've held off on doing anything." [' I must make sure that my niece is ready to make the commitment.']

Then I bean to weep, "[sniff, sniff] Ever since I was tin, [sniff, sniff] kerbell I knew. [sniff, sniff]" ['LORD, I am ready to be a girl.']

Then she patted my shoulder, "Then when we get back home from the gym, I shall make a few calls to some friends that can help you transition into a girl, but like me, you can never be a birth mother like Terri," she sighed. ['Like you, no doubt, that is the one thing that I hate about not being born a woman.']

"I know that Auntie, but I still must become a woman physically, no matter what the cost is to me. And maybe, just maybe I CAN be a birth mother," I affirmed. ['LORD! Am I crazy for believing that it's even possible?']

~~~~~~~~~~

It was after our gym workout that something happened that I was not expecting. I had forgotten about Aunt Debbie's breast forms and a gaffe that let me look like a girl. The first time that I had a period was wild. I had just gotten up from taking a nap and was going to shower and change when I saw blood in my groin. "AUNT DEBBIE!!" ['I have to go to the hospital! The gaffe has hurt me somehow!']

She came running into my room and saw my groin and the horror etched on my face, "Fear not Kelly, that is the gaffe simulating a period."[I wish that I knew more, but Grandma can help her with that.]

I smiled and slumped onto the toilet in relief, "I thought that I had sprung a leak!" I giggled. "So, this is what being a real girl is all about." [I wonder if I was a real girl if I'd get bloated since momma does.]

Auntie helped me up off the toilet, "Come Kelly, Grandma can help you better than I can. [giggle] "Wait until you hear just what being a girl is all about when we have to take care of our bodies, then you'll know that being a girl is not all fun and games." [ GOD!! I would love to go through a real cycle and give birth, but that's denied us.]

Then I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" [Damn!! I sound like some ditzy blond on some sitcom on T.V.']

"It's your Granny, may I come in?' [No telling what Debbie's done to Kelly. She can be such an imp at times.]

I unlocked the door and turned the knob, "Sure Granny, you're welcome anytime," I responded with a laugh. ['Wonder what she'll say about my bloody groin? first time for me to soil my panty this way.']

When she entered and saw us, she quickly closed the door behind her and locked it, "This is something that Joe shouldn't be privy too since it concerns us girls. When I saw your red groin, I knew that that rascal Debbie had gotten you that special gaffe." I saw Debbie blush," Now I can teach you all about the secret of being a girl and caring for her body." [To think that here I am doing this for my granddaughter, but she needs me now since she can't stay home because of John. At least she gets to see her Momma on the weekends.]

"What all do I need to learn? I've already learned how to be a host and hostess thanks to Mrs. Woods."

She smiled as she sat on the toilet while Aunt Debbie produced a sanitary pad and clean undies for me, "True, she did that, but you need to learn about the manners needed for high society. There are certain unwritten rules of etiquette that you need to know that are used by high society and business. Using them, you will gain confidence and poise which is different than hosting a party." ['She already knows the manners, now to add the poise and grace that Debbie’s charm school provides.']

I grinned, thinking about the future, "You think that I might need it for later when Johnny starts his own business or starts helping his Daddy?"[Wouldn't that be nice? Could I really be a High Society Lady or Patron of the Arts?]

Granny sighed, "Well, to tell the truth, I never thought of that. Mr. Woods caters mainly to the public, but he has sent me his catering staff to me and he and his wife have been here too." [And he detests having to wear a tuxedo. He's a simple man, really prefers the simple life like we do.]

I showered and dressed in fresh clothing and went with them to Aunt Debbie's store where they led me to her office. Thanks to Granny and Aunt Debbie, I learned all about keeping myself clean and how to care for my now feminine looking body. I never knew that a woman had so much to do to stay clean and pure in her bits.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 13: Through the Gate   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   After Kelly has saved her best friend and soul sister from the kidnapper Pastor Linden, she must face her hatred and overcome it or live with bitterness as her heart grows cold and bitter.

---

 
We were on our way back to the farm. I felt tired, yet full of energy as if I had to make a decision and a great weight had been lifted. I now knew that I had a decision to make about myself and only Aunt Debbie could help me. She had gone through a transition that I wanted, so she was my guide on my journey now.

Aunt Debbie pulled into a gas station to refuel, and I went to the restroom to tinkle. I saw my girl's groin and how realistic it looked. I touched my new girlhood and it felt great! I actually came to an orgasm as I touched myself down there.

I quickly cleaned up and the smell of my discharge was musky and fresh. I redressed and got myself a root beer [my favorite, especially with butter pecan ice cream] and a cream soda for Aunt Debbie.

I approached the counter to pay and saw a perfect Santa at the register, except that he wore a red plaid shirt under his overalls, "Well, who is this delicate flower who graces my establishment today?" he asked merrily with a twinkle in his eyes.

I blushed at the attention, "But Santa, [giggle] surely you know that it's me, [giggle] Kelly," I giggled. ['He must be called Santa a lot, especially near Christmas.']

Then he leaned his head back and laughed, "HO! HO! HO! I am not that merry old Elf. I am Christopher Snow, I own this store." ['I can see that she has a love of life like I do.']

"Well, at least you have a good Christmas name," I smirked. [' Wonder if he has a red truck or sleigh.']

"Yes I do Kelly, that'll be $2.50 for the drinks. Are you paying for the gas too?" ['Her friend is a beauty too.']

Aunt Debbie came in and approached the counter, "Sir, do you accept VISA?" she asked as she held out her card. ['I can see by the look on her face that Kelly did it in the restroom. It’s time to talk to her about it.']

He accepted it and ran it through the slot, "Yes ma'am. That's $12.95, need anything else?" ['This beauty looks like my daughter except that she is a bit taller.']

"No sir, that's all." Then she turned around to leave. ['Why is he staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?']
I picked up my purchase and followed Aunt Debbie, "See ya' Santa!" I called back as the door closed behind me. ['I can't help but to get in a parting shot at him. He and Grandpa both could be Santa.']

Before she got in the car, Aunt Debbie looked at me with a smirk, "Well, did you enjoy yourself in the restroom?" ['Poor girl, I know that I've caught her off guard just like momma did it to me years ago.']

I stood there, totally aghast at what she had just asked, "WHAT? How did you know?" [‘Is she psychic too?']

She opened the door and smiled, "It is no secret that a girl likes to check herself out and even masturbate, it's OK to admit it. In fact, all young women have done it at times." ['She needs to know that it's natural to explore.']

I got in after she had unlocked my door, "Yes I did. I couldn't believe that I could pleasure myself that way, but instead of semen coming out, it was clear and had a musky sweet odor to it. Why?" ['Now that I think about it, kinda like Johnny in a way.']

She started the car, "When we get home, I'll let you read the literature about it." ['She'll me amazed at what she reads and those stories will help too.']

I put in a C.D. by 'Alabama' and selected 'My Home Is In Alabama', "OK." ['Somehow, this song feels right.']

She smiled and sang along with me, "Good choice Kelly, but why that song?" ['Does she feel homesick?']

I patted her on the arm, "Because I am going to my new home to learn all about myself and grow."

"And that you shall do, I promise you that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During this time, momma and the Woods were talking about the ordeal and how to help Julie. She was at a counseling session discussing her encounter and her feelings. Johnny was there with her since he has that link to her.

Mister Woods sipped his wine cooler and sat it down, "Well, the twins are in counseling about what just happened. But what should we do to help them? Will they be able to go back to school or do we get them a private tutor now? They never wanted that growing up, but that might change." ['LORD, how do I protect my children from harm? Will they go on or will they be scared to live?']

"Well, there is one good thing. Kelly is the same after the ordeal. And she suffered a nervous breakdown too," sighed Mrs. Woods. ['I will never forget her scream or the absolute dismay in her eyes.']

"Yes, my daughter sacrificed herself to help Julie, and made them pay for their crimes. But Julie and Johnny both are suffering now and I am at a loss on what to do." ['Being Stu's wife hasn't prepared me for this.']

"Constable Sebastian has promised to oversee the installation of security cameras throughout the schools that we are paying for," said Mister Woods as he passed around a folder. ['A bit late, but I will feel better now.']

Glancing at the folder, Mrs. Woods nodded approval, "Have the students privacy been seen about? The A.C.L.U. will have our heads if there are any cameras in the showers or dressing rooms. Those people get their claws into anything that they can and make life miserable for everybody." ['I hope that Chuck's friend Sebastian has taken them into account for our sake.']

"Don't worry Lynn. Sebastian has handled them before when pastor Linden had Debbie attacked. They wailed about his rights being violated by not allowed bail, but Sebastian's friend Judge Henry Block shut them up," momma sighed as she remembered the Hell that she went through for Aunt Debbie. ['Running the gauntlet of the press and facing down those liberal phonies has helped me to help Kelly.']

Johnny and Julie came in and ran over and hugged their parents, then she sat in her daddy's lap like she was a baby and snuggled up to him, "We're home daddy! Do we have to go back?" ['I know that he wants us to go, but it’s so yucky.']

Mrs. Woods passed a bottle of soda to both twins, "And just why do you want to stop going Julie, you've only been once." ['Have we been wrong to force them to go?']

"Because Julie and I don't need some group to talk to, we have each other, but Julie did find a boy she likes," informed Johnny as he opened both sodas. ['Julie, I hope that this guy is worth it.']

"Who is this young man Julie?" asked momma. ['Who could capture her heart after she lost Kelly?']

"Mark White."

After several minutes of discussion, it was agreed that he would come to Sunday dinner to meet everybody.

~~~~~~~~~

We drove in silence for awhile, listening to the music. The 'Alabama C.D. had finished and now we were listening to a C.D. of 'Time Life' love songs. I was thinking about how my life had changed ever since that Halloween party when I became Tinkerbelle. Would I have found Kelly girl if I had been Peter, Pan instead of Johnny? Both characters wore tights as a part of the costume, but only Tink wore a panty.

As we were approaching the off ramp to the farm, I got the courage to talk to Aunt Debbie, "Aunt Debbie, can we talk?" ['I wonder if she has been waiting for this.']

She glanced towards me with confusion, then she nodded as if she knew what I wanted, "Yes Kelly. I guess that we do need to talk since I know what you need to know about becoming a woman. Am I right?" [' I can see her confusion from here. I am glad that I can help her because I know what it's like not having the support of a mentor.']

I sheepishly blushed as I realized that she saw through me, "Yes Ma'am, you're right. I was wondering when you knew that you wanted to be a girl or at least dress as a girl I wonder if there is a difference." ['Lord! I pray that Aunt Debbie will answer my questions, and if not her, then Granny.']

It took her a few minutes to reply as she gathered her thoughts together, "For me, there was no difference since I was attacked and had my bits crushed. After that, I transitioned from Brian into Debbie," she sighed. [' Even today, I have nightmares of the attack. I don't want for Kelly to suffer as I do.']

The C.D. ended and I shut off the player, "But what about when you first wanted to be a girl? Was it like me and Tinkerbelle?" [' I wonder if like me, she has pictures of herself as a girl from when she was as young, as I was when I was Tinkerbelle.']

She looked over at me and smiled, "I was about the same age as you were when you were Tinkerbelle, but in my case, your mother Terri was taking ballet and I was helping her. She got me to wear a spare leotard and tights that she had. After I saw myself as a girl and the feel of the hose, I was hooked." [' Funny how we both have similar tales of girlhood.']

"And Grandpa was not liking it at first right? I remember what he said about not being there for you." [' Grandpa has sure changed since then if so. All that I know is that I love him, and he loves me.']

"Yes, he hated me at first for wanting to dress as a girl, but thanks to my brother Stu's acceptance of me as a girl, Grandpa saw that he was losing me and that made him question himself. When he saw me in one of Terri's dresses and hose, he finally saw his daughter Debbie and accepted me," she sighed as she remembered that day. ['LORD! If not for my big brother Stu, Grandpa would not have accepted me, Thanks for Stu.']

I turned to her and struggled to find my voice. Finally, after several minutes I found my voice, "You mean to tell me that you and daddy are related?" [' What else about my family am I to learn about I wonder.']

"Yes, Stu and I were brothers and when our parents died, since momma and poppa were our Godparents, they adopted us. 'I do miss them, but I was your age when they died from a faulty heater. It's hard to even think that I am really adopted. To me, I am their daughter, by birth and I am sure that my brother Stu would say that he felt the same as I do." ['Glad that Kelly still has Terri.']

"What? Daddy would say that he feels like he was their daughter by birth? I don't think so Aunt Debbie, I grinned" [' Thank you LORD! You have returned my quirky sense of humor to me. Poor Aunt Debbie has not been my victim till now.']

"YOU SCAMP!! You know good and well what I mean," she giggled as she wiped her eyes. [' Now I know what Terri meant.']

"Ah! But that is NOT what you said about my dear daddy Aunt Debbie," I smirked as she did a fish-face at my response. [' It's almost as much fun baiting her as it is momma. It feels good to laugh again.']

She shook her head and smiled, "Touché Kelly. [giggle] Your daddy Stu felt that he was really their son by birth, not adopted. SATISFIED EINSTEIN? She giggled. [If this is how she's gonna be around mom and dad, they'll be laughing their heads off at her antics.']

I handed her a diet soda which I had opened for her that she took a swig of, and then recapped the bottle, "Yes Aunt Debbie. But tell me please; uh, did you have any boyfriends at all while you were growing up? Or did Grandpa say no to boyfriends?" ['Maybe if momma had said no to me, I'd still be with her.']

"No, not really. I didn't have a Ronzi's like you did and no boys wanted me to help them with their dates. You see, I wasn't as outgoing as you are Kelly. I was a wallflower, afraid to open up to others.']

"Too bad Auntie, you missed out on a lot of fun times. I know that I had fun when I did, I sighed remembering the past. ['Maybe I can teach her to be more outgoing. She is beautiful and deserves to be happy.']

By that time, we were back at the farm and as we got out, a big shaggy sheepdog bounded up and knocked me over in his greeting, "OK Shaggy, I love you too, but you're too big to jump on me, ya' big lummox, I laughed as he showered me with sloppy kisses. ['Lovable mongrel! Wonder where Grandpa got him from?']

"HEEL SHAGGY!!" called out Grandpa as he came up on his faithful old tractor. It was as ancient as he was, but like Grandpa, there was no rust, but there were a few scratches and dents from its years of service. It was on it that I had learned how to drive just like momma had.

Aunt Debbie stood over me with a big grin on her face, "Well daddy, I see that you're letting the chowhound greet your guests again, Aunt Debbie chortled. ['I'm glad that he went after Kelly instead of me today, but knowing him, I'm gonna be next.']

Then Shaggy bounded after Aunt Debbie who ran away from him and he gave chase as she merrily led him around the yard, giggling all the time as he 'woofed' behind her. This was their game they played whenever he saw her unless she sat down, and then he'd get in her lap for a tummy rub.

Then I heard the front porch screen door close behind Granny, "OK Debbie, are you through playing with your bed buddy?" asked a smirking Granny as she stood on the front porch. ['Those two would run and play all day if they could. If not for Shaggy, she wouldn't have met her boyfriend.']

Then Shaggy succeeded in catching her and she went down with a squeal of delight as Shaggy landed his sloppy kisses on her, "Yeah momma, Since Shag's here has finally caught me," she laughed with glee. ['No matter how bad I feel Shaggy's sloppy kisses wash away my gloom. Thank you Jesus for my friend.']

Grandpa hugged me after he helped me up, "Well Kelly, looks as if Shags has given you his sloppy welcome," he grinned. [' That mutt can sense when a person is bad or not. He's given Debbie many an early warning.']

"Yeah Grandpa, I never got my face so thoroughly washed by a dog before. I'm sure that the Woods would love him to bits." ['The only reason there are no cats or dogs is that Julie and Johnny are allergic to their fur.']

Then he handed me an ever hanky that he kept in his overalls and I wiped my face clean of dog slobber, "Well, come on in girl, dinner is ready and a waiting. I am sure that you have quite a story to tell us," he said with warmth. ['I am ready to hear Kelly's story unlike I was when Brian told me about being Debbie.']

He shook his head and grinned as I handed him back his now damp hanky which he then tossed to Granny who caught it and put it in her apron, "Have you talked to momma or the Woods?" [' Silly me, momma called Auntie.']

He led me over to Granny, "Yes, Terri called and told us what happened, but we want to hear about it from you. If you want to that is." [' I know from experience with Debbie that she'll need to talk to us about it for her peace of mind.']

"I am ready to talk about it Grandpa. I hope that y'all have plenty of Kleenex, because it is a tearjerker," I sighed. [' Can I sound any more like a Drama Queen? Or am I being a silly goose now?']

Then he bear hugged me as Granny, Aunt Debbie, and Shaggy came up, "We know Kelly, and we are here for you." ['She’s still so sweet and innocent even after her ordeal! Thank You LORD for helping my grandchild.']

Aunt Debbie attached a leash to Shaggy's collar that she'd gotten out of her car, "I'll take Shaggy out to the barn daddy." ['Why he was regulated to the barn is a shame, Kelly was never allergic before.']

He undid the leash and pocketed it, "Let him stay Debbie, the only reason we put him out there last time was that he was out at the duck pond. NOT because Kelly's allergic to him." ['Poor kids. They love animals, but can't stand their fur. Well, guess that it's up to me to fix it.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandpa did find an organic relief for them and others. He found a combination of herbs that thoroughly cleansed the fur and worked with the fur to prevent dandruff by using the body's oils to kill it and fleas and tics. Unfortunately, it only worked for Julie and Johnny because of their unique heritage.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were spoiled with a scrumptious dinner of pot roast with apple pie ala mode for dessert. Aunt Debbie and I offered to help clean up, but we were forced to sit in the living room watching the movie 'Ice Angel' as they cleaned up the kitchen. Then they joined us in the living room and I told them about the ordeal and my wish to be a girl, not to just dress like one.

Granny led me over to Grandpa's lounge chair, "Here you go Kelly, sit here and tell us your story from the beginning." ['Even though we know, we want to hear her thoughts so we can better help her.']

I couldn't believe it! I was to sit in Grandpa's chair? Only he sat here and smoked his pipe of herbs, "But this is Grandpa's chair, not mine Granny!" ['I don't want to disrespect Grandpa! Why is she doing this?']

Grandpa led me over and sat me in his seat, "Today, you sit here and tell us your tale my grandchild. I know that you're showing me respect, but I WANT you to sit here." ['Poor child thinks I'm an ogre about my chair.']

I hugged him in thanks and gratitude for his gift, "OK Thanks Grandpa for letting me sit in your lounger." Then I spent a few moments getting myself ready while they sat down around me in the sofas.

Aunt Debbie brought out tea for everybody but pointedly handed Grandpa his '#1 GRANDPA' glass that I had given him last Christmas, "But you don't get 'MY' glass Sport," he chuckled. ['She gave me this for my birthday and now it's my favorite glass.']

I smiled at their attempt at humor and started on my story, "It all started when I dressed as Tinkerbelle for Halloween, I was gonna be Peter Pan, but Mrs. Woods picked up the wrong costume," I smiled and blushed as I remembered the events that led me into becoming Kelly girl for the first time. ['Daddy, I wonder if you ever did see me as your little girl while you were living.']

Granny sat down her glass and sighed, "So, if not for that, you'd not have discovered Kelly girl." ['I saw her picture from that Halloween party and all that I saw was Kelly girl.']

I saw that they were gonna go back to when Kelly girl was born, "Yeah Granny, wearing that dress and tights and sleeping in them that night started me on my journey as Kelly girl." ['If not for that, what other event would have triggered my entry into being Kelly girl?']

Grandpa fidgeted, "And the Woods accepted you as Kelly girl?" ['LORD! Will I ever find peace in my heart for what I did to Debbie years ago?']

I took a sip of my drink, "Uh huh. That was after daddy died and I'd been having nightmares about it, but wearing Julie's tops and shorts at night stopped that Grandpa." ['Even then, with my long hair, I could pass as a girl.']

Aunt Debbie looked at me with tears in her eyes, "What about this doctor that hurt you?" ['I was brutally attacked, was Kelly's hurt any less traumatic for her?']

Granny wiped Aunt Debbie's tears away, "He actually thought that I wanted to be a girl, so he gave me pills and shots that made me start to go through girl's puberty. Because of him the only thing I am missing are breasts. My boy bits are there, but I can only pee. I can't father children. That's why I turned from Julie to Johnny Aunt Debbie."['Having a girl's body as a boy sure was something. I still have my child's voice and I never have shaved, unlike Aunt Debbie when she was Uncle Brian.']

Granny looked at Aunt Debbie, then at me, "I am sure that when she found that out she threw a fit." [' I threw a royal hissy fit when I saw what happened to Brian, I lost my son, but gained a daughter.']

"She did Granny, and I don't blame her. But she is still my best friend. In fact, she helped me out a lot when I needed help with Johnny," I sighed as I once again felt Julie's anger and dismay when she pounded my chest back then. ['That is one Hell that I NEVER want to go through again! I hated hurting her, but I had to be truthful about myself.']

Aunt Debbie smiled, "You mean when she helped you at the dinner party?" ['That girl is so sweet. Kelly has a good friend in her.']

I blushed as I gathered my thoughts, "That and the night before because in both cases I had oral sex with Johnny Aunt Debbie." ['Even now, I can remember every moment of the passion. I hope that Aunt Debbie has such wonderful memories.']

"And you instigated both encounters?" [' I know it has to be her because that Johnny doesn't have that much gumption.']

"Yes Grandpa, I know now how foolish I was to do it. I thought that being Kelly boy and playing sports with him would be enough. Being Kelly girl ignited a fire in me that I hope to control." ['If not for that, I'd still be with you Johnny my love.']

"Kelly, after the kidnapping, you lost it when you saw your hands, Why?' [' Did she lose her innocence then, or have YOU renewed it LORD?']

"Because I thought that I had killed them, [sniff, sniff] I have been trained in karate up to black belt level, [sniff, sniff] and I can easily kill with one blow.[sniff, sniff] I was convinced that I had sinned against both GOD,[sniff, sniff] and my Teachings.[sniff, sniff] I felt that I should have died in their place Granny[sniff, sniff," I wept as I held up my hands, recalling the anguish that I felt back then.

Aunt Debbie came over and held me as I cried myself out while Granny and Grandpa hugged us both, "Yet you are better after a nap and Julie is too. Did you see Jesus?" ['LORD! I am thankful for your accepting me as a girl.']

"Yes I did Auntie, [sniff, sniff] He took away my distress, [sniff, sniff] and healed me when I gave up my hatred [sniff, sniff] and forgave them," I finished crying as my bitter tears of grief became tears of JOY. ['Has Aunt Debbie ever felt such LOVE from YOU LORD? If not, I hope that she does.']

Granny cupped my chin gently as she lifted my face up to meet her gaze, "Now that you are here, is there anything that you want to do while you're here with us?" ['Thank you LORD for renewing her innocence.']

I looked up at her, "Yes Granny, I want to become a real woman like Aunt Debbie if I can." ['Well as real as I can be. Wish that I was a girl like Julie.']

Grandpa gently hugged me and led me back to his lounge chair, "If that is your wish, then we will help you to become a woman. I don't understand why, you feel this way. All that I know is that I see a sweet, gentle young woman before me. I almost lost Brian years ago because I neglected him, I will NOT make that mistake with you Kelly." ['LORD! You have given me a chance to redeem myself through Kelly, I will not fail you.']

Granny came over and placed a rose pendant in my hand, "Kelly, let this rose symbolize your journey. For as in the song, you shall bloom from your winter in a spring of new hope. My child, you have a much harder road than my daughter did, but like Debbie, you too will bloom." [' LORD! Help me to nurture Kelly as she grows into a young woman.']

I looked at the pendant, remembering that drive up here with Aunt Debbie, "Granny, did you know that Aunt Debbie played that Bette Middler song when she drove me up here?" To tell the truth everybody, I kinda feel like a rose," I sighed as I admitted to everybody how I felt. ['Why does that particular song call out to me? Are you trying to tell me something through it GOD?']

Then Grandpa placed a red rose in my other hand, "Kelly, [sniff, sniff] when my son Brian told me that he felt that he was really a girl inside,[sniff, sniff] I lost it and called him vile names. [sniff, sniff] It was only after I saw him dressed as Debbie, [sniff, sniff] I knew that I was wrong and accepted my daughter. [sniff, sniff] My only regret is that I was not there when she needed me when she was attacked. [sniff, sniff] Now that you are a rose that must go through a winter to bloom in the spring, [sniff, sniff] I vow to be there for you and see you through," he openly wept as he told me his shame. ['I know that Debbie, Lizzie, and Terri have forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself.']

I placed both roses on a saucer, then I hugged them as I cried tears of joy. I felt safe and secure with them, I knew that I could trust them to be there when I needed them. I thanked GOD for their love. I looked at them, "Thanks. I can never thank you enough for letting me be here." ['No wonder momma loves roses! She has roses of every color on her skirts, blouses, and undies.']

We hugged and I went to bed because I felt tired. I looked at my two gifts and remembered Bette Middler's song 'The Rose' and how it applied to me. Could I actually be like the rose? Will I bloom in my new spring? Will I marry Johnny?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At this time, Granny was praying about me: "My grandchild Kelly has chosen her path now. She has been through many heartaches and is still the sweet, gentle innocent soul that she was before. Terri has given us a gift of surpassing beauty in Kelly. Now it is up to us to teach her and help her to grow into the woman she is inside.

"But I sense a darkness within her that she has yet to face concerning herself and Johnny. We must be ready for when she faces it because like Debbie, she will despair and lose hope. If she dies, it will break my beloved’s heart. Please LORD, protect Kelly from her darkness. and give her the strength to overcome it. In YOUR NAME, AMEN."

~~~~~~~~~~

This is what Grandpa was praying in his heart: "My LORD, YOU have given me a second chance in Kelly. After the fiasco of my turning Brian away, her brother Stu showed me my error and when I saw Debbie, I saw my beautiful daughter and accepted her. Then when she was attacked at Halloween, I was not there because the bastards had used their dad to lead me away.

"I know that they're still in prison, but I lost the friendship of their fathers who moved away to get away from the memories. Now with Kelly I will NOT make the same mistake! But I need YOUR help to know what to do. Please give me the Wisdom That I need to help Kelly as she learns and grows into the beautiful woman she is inside. And the ability to see those who would hurt her. In YOUR mighty NAME, AMEN."

~~~~~~~

Aunt Debbie was praying this: "LORD, Am I the right one for Kelly to learn from? Is there another better suited to be her mentor? I feel so inadequate for the task, yet here I am, mentoring my niece in how to be a woman. Momma and Terri helped me, but I guess that Terri is out because of Johnny and I DO have momma and poppa to help me.

"LORD, all that I ask is for YOU to help me to help Kelly because I know that there are bumps along the way on her journey to completion. Be there for her as YOU were for me. In YOUR mighty and HOLY NAME, AMEN!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Then I prayed before I went to sleep," LORD, am I like love, like a river that drowns the tender reed, or am I the reed? Am I like love, a razor, that leaves the soul to bleed, Or am I the bleeding soul? Am I like Love, a hunger, an endless, aching need? Because right now, I feel empty inside."

"Or am I like love, a flower only a seed? Am I a promise, a possibility? My heart is afraid of breaking, LORD, will I ever learn to dance? If so, who will I dance with? Am I a dream that's afraid of waking, will I ever take the chance to fly? Or am I one who won’t be taken, who can not seem to give? Will I ever be able to share my heart? Will my soul stay afraid of dying and never learn to live?"

"LORD, the night has been too lonely. The road has been too long. No LORD, I do not think that love is only for the lucky and the strong. For in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow is the seed that with the sun’s love, that in the spring, becomes the ROSE! May I be that Rose LORD? Will I be like Aunt Debbie and bloom in my new Spring? LORD, I hope so! AMEN!"

Then I went to bed and slept peacefully for my nightmares were finally gone. My Hope had been renewed and I could see clearly now my path. I knew that my family and friends were with me and GOD Loved me for Who I was.

That night, I dreamed about daddy still being alive and giving me away at my wedding to Johnny. Julie was my Maid of Honor, Constable Sebastian Johnny's Best Man. Aunt Debbie was my Flower Girl. Now I know that little girls are supposed to be Flower Girls, but since she was never a little girl, this was our way of letting her be a girl child for a day.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 14: Despair   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: As Kelly grows into her womanhood, all seems to be going well, but a tragic encounter with Johnny kills her spirit, leaving her in despair.

---

 
I found that learning how to walk with the breast forms glued on and gaffe was the hardest. I was not used to the weight upon my chest and I was missing my boy bits, but I was soon used to them.

"Aunt Debbie, I'm bone tired. May I rest for awhile?"

"Well, you have learned proper balance, grace and poise, so you can take a break this weekend. We won't continue till Monday evening."

"Thanks Auntie, but why in blazes did I have to walk around with that damned book on my head?" I must've shrunk an inch thanks to that!!" I giggled.

"One of the basics of charm school, I'm afraid. At least I didn't have you practice in heels like I did!!" she laughed back.

"You didn't!!" I tittered.

"Oh I did."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Going to charm school as well as high school was the most difficult thing that I had ever done. If it wasn't for the fact that I have a photographic memory, I'd have totally failed. But I had fun anyway. I had to learn all walking with poise and grace very much like a geisha. In fact, one of my teachers was a former geisha. The school had hired her to instill that quality of oriental grace and dignity into our training. Me, I thought that I'd be sent home as a failure in the first week.

But Komeko [the geisha] was patient with me until I got the hang of it. She told me that I'd not make it as a Court Geisha because I was a true wildflower that would die in such a stuffy atmosphere. She was right, I never have been much of one for pomp and circumstance.

When I was graduating, I was getting ready in my room when Grandpa knocked, "Who is it?"

"It's your Grandpa honey."

"Come on in then, I just have to slip on my shoes." I was wearing a pink blouse and floor length silk skirt slit to the waist in the sides.

When Grandpa saw me, he looked as if he was seeing an angel. [ 'Seeing that boy turned girl going to Charm School is something else. Kelly had to unlearn many of the things that she was taught as she learns the fine arts of being a Lady. But seeing the transformation from girl to woman that she is becoming will give Kelly the strength needed later on. And now that she is graduating, we have a special treat for her that I am sure that she will enjoy.'] "Kelly, you look just like your Momma did when she graduated from high school."

"Thanks Grandpa." Then I hugged him close as he stroked my long hair. Then Aunt Debbie came out of the bathroom connecting our room.

"Kelly, you have won top honors."['Now for your reward.']

"Thanks Auntie, "I giggled. I never thought that being a Lady was so tough."

"Well, now you know, [giggle]."After all this time, I think that you deserve a big night out, want to party?"['She doesn't know it, but Johnny is here ready to surprise her.']

"To tell the truth, I am tired." [sigh]

Then I heard his voice behind me, "But we have reservations at the country club waiting Kelly. Are you denying me a chance to dance with my girl?"['Thanks Debbie for letting me know.']

"JOHNNY!!" I screamed as I jumped into his arms. Then we shared a kiss.

"I see that you remember me, you look great!" ['She feels so wonderful too.']

"Thanks Johnny." I could feel that he was as excited as I was.

"Come on you two, I am hungry, "Mister Woods chuckled.

"Where's my Momma?"

"Right here Kelly," then I was engulfed in her bear hug, "I wouldn't miss this for the world!" ['It's hard me not being here, but I know that you’re in good hands.']

After the graduation ceremony, we got into the stretch limos and headed to the club, I was alone with Johnny, "Kelly, you look like a woman now, so beautiful. My Dream Girl, he sighed. ['She is more beautiful than before. Does she still love me?']

"Thanks Johnny, Aunt Debbie got me breast forms & a gaffe so that I now look like a woman."['Will he go for it like I hope?']

"You mean that you are still a guy under all of that?"['Is Kelly pulling my leg again?']

"Yep, I am still me," I giggled. "Come on Johnny, I am here for you. As much of a woman as I can be."

"Just how good are they?"['Damn, I want her so bad.']

"As good as a real woman's. Go for it my lover." Then I undid my skirt and pulled down my panty and hose. He lay back as I mounted him. I felt him climax in my gaffe as we sated our passion. After he had climaxed, I used a napkin to clean up. Then we got dressed and went into the club.

"Kelly, are you coming back home to school? Everybody wants to know."

"No Julie, everybody knows me at school andI can't go back to being a boy again. I am going to school up here with my Aunt. I hated having to tell you that my sister, but I still need to be here."

"So, you are giving up being a boy?"['I can see no hint of boy about Kelly.']

"Yes Johnny, I was always a girl at heart. You helped me to find the girl that I am. For that I will always be grateful." ['Maybe that's why I do it with him.']

"Well, at our house, you were always happy as a girl. You're always welcome at our house." ['I have missed her.']

"Thanks Mrs. Woods. Nice to know I have a home with you."['This'll make three homes for me, yet I'd give them all up to feel complete.']

"I wish that you would come back home."['Can't she live with us or her Momma?']

"Johnny, if I did, I would have to be a boy, I can't be a boy again," I wept.['Can't he understand that I'm protecting him and his family as well as myself?']

"Then will you be my girl? My Dream Girl?" ['Please say yes.']

"Yes I will. I will always be your girl." ['Forever and always.']

"Come Kelly, we need to talk." ['Now to give her my news.']

"Coming Momma."

We went aside and spent the next hour sharing everything. I could tell that Momma was happy for me.

['Ever since, she has been here, the house has been empty. The only time that I've truly been happy has been on my weekend visits here to be with Kelly.'] "Kelly, I have moved in with the Woods."

"Why Momma?"

"It's lonely without you there and with the Woods, I'm no longer lonely."

"But what about our home and the playhouse?"

"Our home is being renovated completely and will be yours one day when you're ready as well as the playhouse."

"Ready? For what?"

"For being Johnny's wife. We know that you two love each other. This is our wedding gift to both of you."

"Thanks Momma." then I hugged her as I wept tears of joy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Momma was now the Building Manager for the Clinic where she worked and oversaw the other secretaries as well as catering the many dinners for the doctors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After that night, the Woods and Momma left and Aunt Debbie and I went home with Grandma and Grandpa. I was soon enrolled and attending school there for my senior year. Aunt Debbie was able to get me started upon hormones and my body was soon developing as a woman. After two months, I no longer needed the breast forms. I was as large without them. I soon became a Cheerleader and was cheering our team at the games. When we played against Johnny's team, Julie and I always spent half time talking.

"How's Johnny doing?"

"He misses you."['If she knew what Johnny has gone through, because of her, she'd cry.']

"I miss him too. Where is he? I have something to tell him."

Then Johnny came over and hugged me close, "Kelly, you look terrific!!"['I don't care what the others say. You are all the woman that I need.']

"Thanks Johnny," I said as I kissed him. "Damn, we still excite each other," I giggled.

"Want to go out after the game?"['She excites me still.']

"Sure."['Wait till I tell him the news.']

That night, after the game, we drove up to a secluded are near the lake and country club. It was serene and peaceful. There was a tiny log cabin there with smoke rising out of the chimney. "Kelly, do you like the place? It's your dad's old cabin."['It's now or never.']

"Yes Johnny, It is lovely."['Yes Johnny, I know why we are here, and I am ready for you.']

"This is my place now. Daddy bought it last year from your mother, and it’s my graduation present. I wanted you to see it with me."['Am I doing the right thing considering what the others have said to me?']

"But why?"['I can tell that something is bothering him, what is it?']

"I still love you Kelly, even if we don't marry, you will still be my best friend."['There, I came as close as I could without hurting her.']

"Thanks Johnny, but there is something that you should know."['I can tell that he is worried about something, maybe I can help him out.']

"What's that?"['DAMN! She is beautiful!!']

"These are my breasts, they are real." He looked at my chest with wonder. "Want to take them for a test drive? I know you do as much as I do." ['I don't know why, but I'm the one that initiates our love sessions.']

Then he gently took my hand and we went into the cabin where we sated our passion for each other until the next morning. Then he dropped a bombshell that totally blew me away.

"Kelly, I have a confession to make."['OH GOD!! I tried, but I can't take it anymore. I know that it will break her heart, but it's better this way.']

"What is it?"['Does he have some disease?']

"As much as I love you, I am torn up inside because I still see you as a boy."[' DAMN IT ALL!! I still can't tell her the truth. I am such a coward!!!']

"Even, [sniff] after [sniff] ,last night?" [sniff, sniff] ['Johnny you are breaking my heart!!!']

"Kelly, I never meant to hurt you, I love you. This is My problem not yours."['Mine and the others that don't understand.']

He held me has I wept bitter tears. I was in love with him and wanted to be with him, but he still saw me has a boy. WHY? WHY? WHY? "Then why bring me up here and why make love to me? Tell me that at least. I deserve an answer."

"I thought that doing this would change my mind."['But it did not. GOD, Can she ever forgive me?']

"Please take me home."

~~~~~~~~~~
We did not speak on the way ,not even listening to the radio or C.D. player. I felt betrayed and dirty from what happened. Johnny had used me to satisfy his urges and threw me aside! I wanted to die because I couldn't live with the pain and humiliation of being treated like a whore by my best friend.

As we approached the farm, I formalized my plan to die. Luckily, nobody was home. I would have plenty of time to end my sorry life. Johnny pulled up to the front door, and I got out and pulled my bag with me and slammed and locked the door.

Johnny got out, "Kelly, I still love you. I wish that things could be different," he sighed. ['What Hell have I wrought??']

I opened the front screen door, and shut it behind me, "Goodbye Johnny. Please don't return," I wept bitterly as I turned my back on him and life. ['Daddy! I am coming to join you in Heaven. My life is over.']

I went through the house saying goodbye to everything and collecting the narcotics from the bathroom. Both of my grandparents used to suffer from severe spinal pain until Aunt Debbie took them to see a chiropractor who worked her magic and ended their pain. Now Doctor Ruth Elizabeth White eats Sunday dinner here with her family and my grandparents enjoy every minute of having children under foot.

I finally got to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of Grandpa's homebrew. On the 'Dukes Of Hazard', Uncle Jesse may make the finest moonshine in Georgia, But Grandpa's is smooth and has the kick of a mule that unless it is cut, will send any but the most hardy into the Land Of Nod which is where I wanted to go to PERMANENTLY.

I dropped the pain pills into it, watching them begin to dissolve, then I wrote my goodbye note because I wanted for everybody to know why I despaired of life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To My Family And Friends:
If you are reading this, then I have succeeded in ending my life. I did so because I have no hope. I love you all, but my heart is broken and to live is a pain that I cannot endure. Johnny and I went to my daddy's log cabin that he and Mister Woods had bought from momma. Johnny had it renovated and I must admit that it is a darling cabin, but that is where my heart was broken.
Johnny and I made love in every conceivable fashion over that weekend. I thought that he was going to propose to me, but he dumped me! I know that he is hurting But I can not live after being used by Johnny to sate his lusts. I will NOT be his whore!
So I am ending my life and going to heaven where there is no pain.
Kelly Lee Moore

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then I downed my ticket to Heaven, rinsed out the glass and carried the note to the living room where I set the channel on Contemporary Christian and sat down. I was well on the way when I heard Aunt Debbie's car pull up. I felt that it was fitting for her to find me, I couldn't move, but I knew that I could speak one final time.

As she entered, she smiled as she saw me, "Hi 'ya Kelly, what's new with you?"

"My heart is broken, I have no hope. Good bye Aunt Debbie."

Then she saw the moonshine, empty pill bottles and saw what I had done as well as the note,

"NO KELLY!! NOOOOOOO!!!"

Then I heard no more.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 15: Beyond Despair   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: After Kelly's suicide attempt, she decides to continue without hope. Yet she soon finds her hope renewed and she forgives.

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DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!!! I LOVE YOU!! WHY?! OH WHY DID YOU SUICIDE!!" she exclaimed as she gathered me up to give me the Heimlich maneuver. But I was past caring or able to respond even if I wanted; the death draught had done its work too well. ['What happened to cause her to despair of life?']

She tried for several minutes to revive me, but all she got as a reward for her herculean efforts was my losing the moonshine in a frothy mess of moonshine and bile that soaked into the carpet, ruining its fibers as the bile ate away into the padding which absorbed it before it could touch the hardwood floor. Her tears soaked my back as she cried over my plight, constantly calling me back in vain.

My chest was bruising up from her titanic lifesaving attempt and actually forced my body to breathe and restart my heartbeat from massaging my chest so vigorously. It also had the effect of me loosening my bowels as my innards released their contents. My leotard and tights contained some of it, but the stench over powered the smell of homemade cooking that had soaked into the room. What it didn't contain went onto Aunt Debbie

Then my grandparents came in and saw her abusing my frail form and the mess soaking her pants legs, "DEBBIE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH KELLY?" asked Granny as she dropped her tote bag of exotic chocolates which mixed up with the mints and hard candy kept by the door for Grandpa who enjoyed them in his after breakfast coffee, her one vice. ['Please LORD! Don't let her die!']

Grandpa went to get his shotgun over the mantle where it stayed until he went deer hunting to help cull the overpopulation of deer. He took the results to the local butcher who processed it into varied cuts of meat, sausage, bacon, souse, dog food, and leather. We have enjoyed the results and following Granny's instructions had made up a bunch of gifts of deer meat for my family and friends.

"SHE WENT OFF WITH THAT JOHNNY!! HE HURT HER! I'LL KILL HIM!!" he exclaimed as he wept bitter tears. But he couldn't even open it to load the shells because of his rage. ['I have failed Kelly. I will at least have the satisfaction of retribution when I shoot that Johnny for hurting her.']

Granny firmly took the shotgun out of his trembling hands and replaced it as he stood there, helplessly crying bitter tears of regret , "[sniff, sniff] Joe, [sniff, sniff] we need for you to be strong for Kelly. [sniff, sniff] She still lives,[sniff, sniff] but barely. [sniff, sniff] Please go get the truck ready while we tend to Kelly." [sniff, sniff] Granny wept as she admonished Grandpa. ['I have to believe that there's a chance as long as she lives.']

He hugged her in gratitude for something positive to do to help, "Very well, [sigh] getting her to the hospital is more important than killing Johnny for his actions." ['But as soon as I can, I will make that boy pay for hurting my granddaughter.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw a light up ahead and knew that I was entering Heaven, but I still felt dirty and used, I felt Johnny's seed inside of me and the pain of his penetrating me so thoroughly, "I'm coming to be with you daddy. I can not live anymore! Not after tonight, I am sorry that I have failed you and everybody, but after today, my life is not worth living."

Then I was in Heaven and daddy swept me into his arms. All the times before, he had smiled, THIS time, he was crying. CRYING FOR ME! "OH Kelly my daughter, why did you have to end your life? It is nowhere near your time," his tears washed away my distress and anguish so that I could see and feel his wonderful love. I felt no judgment for what happened from him, only love.

"Daddy, oh how I wish that you could understand what I went through, but as a man, you can never understand what I went through with Johnny. Only a woman can. Only a woman betrayed after giving herself bodily to her man can."

Then I felt a PRESENCE behind me and daddy passed me over to the PRESENCE who easily gathered me into his arms and sat upon a convenient boulder, "I understand my child, as no one else can. I have felt the bitter sting of betrayal many times from my followers."

"JESUS! But YOU are not a girl like I am, are You? No forget that, I am not even a real girl," I asked as He sat me on His lap.

He smiled at my question. I could feel His good humor as He thought about the audacity of my question. Because I then remembered that there was no gender in Heaven, "True, I am not a girl like you or any other woman, but I do know what betrayal by a friend feels like. Remember Peter?"

"Yes, he denied You thrice, and You even told him that he would that night, yet You forgave him after You returned."

"Kelly, I do know your betrayal for your spirit called out to me in your distress. I felt your pain and despair, as well as your love for Johnny. Now I have a very hard question to ask you, don't worry you about disappointing Me. Can you forgive Johnny for what he did even if he never returns to you?"

Then I saw my heart's light dimmed, yet glowing strong. The dimness was my hurt, concentrating on that hurt, I saw that it was my love for Johnny. It had been corrupted by my selfish need to have him regardless of the cost. Then I knew why I was here, to free both of us from the tyranny of selfish love, "Yes, even though he broke my heart, I want only the best for him. I still love him and he is still my friend, even if I don't feel the friendship anymore," I sighed as I gave voice to my feelings.

I saw tears start to flow down His cheeks, "Kelly, THAT is how I want ALL of MY Children to feel. For you have just now giving testimony to True Agape Love! And no Power can stand against it!"

Then I gave utterance to my new perspective, "Johnny, I love you and always will, but I can not and will not keep you against your will. If you return to me, we can then choose, but if you find another, I will still be your friend." Then I saw my heart bleed black tears as the darkness was destroyed and the purifying Agape Love replaced it until it bled red and the scars healed. Then my heart glowed golden and I knew that it was healed of its hurt for I felt no pain.

"Yes Kelly, by choosing as you did, you chose life over death and in doing so, you have overcome yet again."

Then I felt a change as I thought about how I had arrived, "Jesus, I have a question about my arrival. Am I forgiven for wanting to die? I did break a Rule when I killed myself. Some believe that suicide is unpardonable."

"Yes, you are forgiven, for your body still lives, even if you had succeeded, you would be forgiven. Currently, you are in a coma, You can choose to go back, or to stay here, in which case, your body may die."

"But Jesus!! It hurts so much! I don't want to live! THAT is why I chose to die!" I wailed as the pain returned a thousand fold.

Jesus hugged me as I soaked His robe, "I know Kelly, but right now, your family and friends are grieving, and your death will destroy their happiness. Do you want for them to suffer because of you?"

Then I saw how each one had been hurt by me, and I knew that it was in my power to end their suffering, and I was appalled to see how my death had ruined so many lives. I wept bitter tears as I saw the destruction that I could wreak by staying.

Johnny would NEVER become the national athlete he was destined to be; no, he became a drunkard and addict. To pay for his habit, he became an enforcer for a local drug dealer who had taken over the Woods Enterprise from Julie Woods after she sold both the business and estate. Johnny ended his life in a final act of heroism when he saved a child from being hit by a speeding truck. His last words were, "Kelly, am I forgiven?"

Mister Woods tried to carry on, but he had lost the zest needed to truly run his company, so Mrs. Woods took over until she was killed by a robber who shot her as she opened the safe. Her last words were, "Go ahead and shoot me, then I'll go to Heaven, and leave this hell on Earth!" She had to have a closed casket service because the shot destroyed her face.

Mister Woods found the robber and killed him with his bare hands, Constable Sebastian found him standing over the body, blank faced. Mister Woods died in a psychiatric ward, never regaining lucidity until the end when he said, "Lynn, I am coming home to be with you in Heaven. I killed your murderer and I paid the price."

That left Julie to run the business, which she was not equipped to run, so she listened to Johnny and they sold everything to his drug dealer friend. She then became a missionary and lost her life when the missionary school was taken by rebels. Her last words were, "I now go to Heaven where I will meet my best friend Kelly. I am ready to die."

Momma went to live with Granny and Grandpa, but on the way, she went off the road into the lake, drowning in freezing winter water. She was listening to me singing "Daddy's Hands" from years ago.

Grandpa lost the use of his body when he went after Johnny with his shotgun. He missed, but a thug that was with Johnny broke Grandpa's neck, paralyzing him from the neck down. He lived only a few days after that when a blood clot hit his brain. He had a letter written before the accident that Granny read at his funeral.

Lizzie Jane:

I love you with my whole heart and am Blessed to have raised two wonderful daughters and our adopted son. But after Kelly died, I lost my zest for life and went after Johnny for hurting her. I did not kill him, but was paralyzed instead. Now I go to heaven where Kelly is. May I be forgiven for my failure in protecting her.

Joe

Granny died after reading the letter saying, "No Beloved, you did not fail Kelly!" as her heart failed her.

Of them all, only Aunt Debbie lived on, but she became a bitter recluse who only saw Pastor Patrick who took her in as his housekeeper so she could retire and forget. She kept pictures of me in her room and before she died, she found a girl that looked like me and adopted her. Amazingly her name was Kelly Li, She was the daughter Chinese woman and American father. She inherited the Moore and Woods estates.

I looked over and saw daddy weeping and went over and got in his lap where he hugged me as we both cried. Here I had actually brought grief to daddy in Heaven. How could I be so cruel? Then I felt in my heart the answer. Michael and Gabriel reverted to their angel forms, silent tears on their countenance as they looked at me, waiting for my answer.

I went over to Jesus, "I will return, even if I must live without hope. Because I can not let my friends and family suffer. This is my burden, NOT theirs to carry," I sighed in resignation. ['Will my hope be renewed, or must I live without any hope now.']

As Heaven receded, I heard JESUS saying, "My child, I heard your silent cry. Your act of Love shall be rewarded in time, your hope will be renewed," He exclaimed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up with a tube down my throat and an I.V. dripping into my arm. Aunt Debbie and my grandparents were there along with the Woods and momma, only Johnny was absent, "No, why did you save me? I have no hope!" ['Where is my hope that I was promised? How long must I wait?']

Momma held my hand, "We've read your letter. We LOVE you my precious daughter. Please don't go away. Please live! I don't know what I'd do without you in my life!" ['I gave her up so that she could grow into becoming herself, will she stay or go back?']

Julie took my other hand and washed it with her tears, " [sniff, sniff] You are my best [sniff, sniff] best friend, [sniff, sniff] and Soul Sister. sniff, sniff] I need you to help me with my life because you are so wise. [sniff, sniff] Will you stay?" ['How many girls have such a close tie as I do with her?']

Grandpa replaced momma, "Kelly, [sniff, sniff] I love you girl! You have brought a breath of fresh air into my life with your presence. [sniff, sniff] Now with you, [sniff, sniff] I have a chance to be a father once again. [sniff, sniff] Stay and be my third daughter please, he sighed." ['I don't care if I catch Johnny as long as she lives, he can go on living. I know that she'd prefer that.']

Granny replaced Julie, "Kelly, [sigh] when you came to live with us, [sniff, sniff] your innocence and spirit renewed my heart. [sigh] I began to see things with a new vigor as the lethargy of growing stale was replaced with a fresh spirit of vitality. [sniff, sniff] Please don't go away, [sigh] I need you to help me be young again. But if you do, don't die, but find a new place instead." ['Like Debbie, she now must choose.']

Then Aunt Debbie stroked my hair, "Kelly, you are the Rose. You are now going through your winter. Love has cut you, and now your heart is bleeding. Let your soul be renewed and blossom into a spring of new hope. I know the pain. I too am a Rose." ['Lord, You are the sweetest Rose Of Sharon, but Kelly needs You to heal her.']

Then I saw bouquets of roses of all colors surrounding the bed, directly at the foot of my bed was a portrait of me wearing a rose dress, sitting on a rock by a rose bush. The portrait was framed by roses, the caption under the frame read: "KELLY LEE MORE-THE LIVING ROSE" Then I smiled, "OK." and held up both thumbs until they saw them, then I went back to sleep.

~~~~~~

In the Chapel, Pastor Patrick consoled everybody. he led them into the meeting room behind the pulpit where he and other Men And Women of The Cloth would meet with the patients family. "Well, I never thought that I'd be consoling you on this, [sigh] I always thought that Kelly was stronger than this," he sighed. [Oh Kelly my child!! Whatever happened to cause you to despair of life?']

Momma passed him my letter, "This is something that only women can truly understand. I am sorry Pastor Patrick, but both you and Charlie can never know what its like to be a woman and give yourself to your beloved or have that love betrayed by the man you love," ['I know how you feel Kelly, and the joy of that love being renewed.']

He read the letter and exclaimed, "MY GOD! NO WONDER SHE DESPAIRED! WHERE IN THE HELL IS JOHNNY!?" ['My Lord. Why did he hurt her? Why did it happen? Is it MY fault for not teaching them better?']

Julie began to cry, "[sniff, sniff] Unfortunately, [sniff, sniff] he is at a football camp. [sniff, sniff] He left as soon as he got his duffel bag. [sniff, sniff] If I'd seen his face instead of watching him drive off,[sniff, sniff] I could have stopped him, [sniff, sniff] she fumed. [Johnny, you HURT MY SISTER! WHY JOHNNY!! WHY?!']

Mrs. Woods held her trembling hand until her anger passed, "No Julie, [sigh] by that time, Kelly had attempted suicide. Debbie called here by the time that Johnny pulled out and we returned from the movies. Julie, even if you had stopped him, Kelly would still be here suffering. Let's hope that he is taking care of why he hurt her," she replied. [Chuck and I feel terrible for not stopping this.']

Momma held her other hand, "I too blame myself for this tragedy. As her mother, it is MY responsibility, but how could I have known what Johnny would do?" even today, I still love him." ['Both are hurting, but only Kelly has despaired of life. will he make a stand or let others destroy him with their hatred? ']

Mister Woods stood up and faced everybody, his face a mask of anguish and pain. Tears flowed freely as he clenched his fists in helpless fury, "THIS IS ALL DUE THAT BASTARD PREACHER AND HIS GOSPEL OF HATE. I THOUGHT THAT HE HAD BEEN STOPPED, BUT HE CONTINUES TO SPREAD HIS FILTH. I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO HIS DEFEAT. [SIGH] UNTIL HE IS CAUGHT AND TRIED FOR HIS CRIMES I CAN NOT LIVE," he said with earnest conviction. ['Kelly, you are here because I failed in protecting you from harm. NOW my life is forfeit.']

Mrs. Woods went, stood by him, clasping his fists in her soft, yet firmly strong hands, "Yes Charles, neither can I know peace. I will use all of our resources to find him, even if we go bankrupt. We owe it to our Godchild. HE WILL RUE THE DAY THAT HE HURT US OR KELLY." she said with a voice as cold as winter.['He will find that a woman's scorn is truly like no other HELL.']

Julie hugged momma, "Momma Moore, Kelly fought for me and paid the price. She suffered for me and it cost her innocence and almost became bitter with hatred. Now she is paying again for defying that bastard! Will she become bitter now? If you need me for anything, let me know, OK?" ['I can at least comfort her momma.']

Momma hugged her back and cried tears of release, "OK Julie." ['She has reminded me of Kelly's gift of love.']

Then Constable Sebastian entered with Johnny, who was wearing his football uniform, but it was in tatters and there was blood on his hands, he led Johnny over to his astonished sister where he sat down and sheepishly smiled at her.

"I don't think that you'll need to worry about him anymore thanks to Johnny here. Especially after what this young bull did, "he grinned with wry amusement. ['I knew that he'd be stopped when he went too far.']

Mister Woods looked at his son and smiled when he saw the way that he held himself like a soldier back from a battle, "Son, have you done something to break the law?" he asked with a smug grin. ['Sebastian wouldn't be so smug if he thought that my son was in trouble. Now what DID he do?']

Johnny visibly stood taller as he saw his father’s approval, "Dad that bastard preacher and his ilk are not going to bother us anymore. My only regret is NOT doing it earlier," he sighed as he admitted his greatest mistake. ['For you Kelly, even though I destroyed our love, I did it for you. I hope that I may earn your forgiveness one day.']

Julie led him over to her seat and when he sat down, climbed into his lap, briefly showing her pink roses panty before she adjusted her skirt, OK bro, did you trounce them like Kelly did when they took me?" ['I've NEVER seen him so tense! I have to get this tension out of him or he will have nightmares.']

He smiled at her and patted her nylon clad knee, appreciating again her love of sheer to waist hose, he secretly enjoyed helping her with her cheer routines because in helping her, her fantasized that she was me, "Yes, I thoroughly trounced him AND his followers here at the school when they were partying over what they got me to do to Kelly," he stated as he hung his head in shame. ['But it was too late! I hurt my best friend and lover after our time of passion. I must make amends somehow.']

Mrs. Woods lifted his head by cupping his chin. Well my son, we know that you trounced them, but not why. And just WHY did you trounce them? Did they deserve it?" ['He needs to know that we support what he did.']

He looked at her with hope renewed in his eyes as he saw her love shining through her anguish to embrace his tortured soul, "Oh YES mom! I am sorry that Kelly's attacking them didn't do the job the first time! No, I do not blame her! THEY DESERVE MORE THAN I DID TO THEM!!" he exclaimed. ['Sorry Kelly for letting you down.']

Momma cleared her throat, "OK Johnny, tell us what happened! We need to know why you hurt my daughter and I need to know if I can still call you son," ['I must be firm with him, he hurt my daughter.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I stalked silently up to the door, ready to resign from the Athletic Program. I knew that dad had a college fund set aside for me, playing was for fun, especially when Kelly was on the team. But they had made it a burden, I had continued at the Coach's request after Kelly left, now I couldn't do it anymore. Then I heard their voices and HE was sitting with his back to me with his followers, two on each side.

"Oh come now coach, relax. Face it, these boys did you a favor by having that fag lover Johnny drop that abomination Kelly after it had the good grace to leave so as not to corrupt anymore," he laughed evilly.

I heard a chair being pushed back, "Johnny AND Kelly were the best athletes the school ever had! Your four wimps have not proven to be anything special. They're on the team only because they've yet to quit. Now that you have revealed yourself, I'm dropping them!" He said with conviction.

"Oh no you won't, they are staying on the team and you are dropping Johnny, and I will tell you why. l will simply have you fired for abuse of your power as a coach. Then you will find that no one will hire you. Can you afford that for your family, especially THAT daughter of yours?"

The coach chuckled with confidence, "Sorry Linden, but that will NEVER work. Because I am simply enacting the school policy on bullying that was voted in a year ago. They bullied Johnny into hurting Kelly. And as for my family, touch them and I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!"

His goons shuffled their feet nervously as they contemplated their fate and loss of scholarship, "Oh? Then prove it or drop this bluff. And I won't need to go after your daughter, if you do as I say that is."

Then I turned him around and punched him in the mouth just as he was about to protest, "BASTARD! I HEARD IT ALL!! YOU HURT MY SISTER! I HURT KELLY MY BELOVED BECAUSE OF YOU!! NOW I WILL HURT YOU!! AND NOTHING THAT YOU ARE THEY WILL STOP ME FROM CARRYING OUT MY VENGEANCE!"

Then I heard the coach shout,"JOHNNY!! DEFEND YOURSELF SON!" as two of the students turned to attack him.

Then I saw red. I forgot all thoughts of fair play that I had been taught as I broke their bones, and twisted their bodies with special thrusts into pressure points as I gloried in my attack,[sniff, sniff] I became a monster! [sniff, sniff] It was only when they had stopped moving and lay still moaning in pain did I regain control," he wept tears of grief. ['I am no better than they are. I deserve prison.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mister Woods clasped his sons shoulder to show his support and love, "Oh Jonathan, my son, you've done what I wanted to do to them, but I might not have stopped," he sighed. ['Why must that bastard continue to hurt my family? Is his evil finally truly over? Or will her return to inflict his evil upon us again? Please Lord, let it be over before one of us dies in this senseless war that he has declared.']

Johnny hung his head in shame of his dad's love that he felt unworthy of receiving, "But dad! [sniff, sniff] I broke the law! [sniff, sniff] Worst of all, I gloried in my power! I set myself up as a god of vengeance and reveled in their distress. I am a monster, he wept as he admitted the truth. ['Can I be redeemed?']

Then Julie hauled back and landed a slap on Johnny's cheek that rocked him back. When he looked at her, he saw a fire dangerous to kindle in her eyes. . She was crying silent tears that ran unashamedly down her cheeks.

[sniff, sniff] "DON"T YOU DARE BELIEVE THAT BULLSHIT JOHNNY BRO! [sniff, sniff] THEY HURT YOU! [sniff, sniff] THEY HURT KELLY! [sniff, sniff] THEY 'RAPED' ME! [sniff, sniff] Oh my brother, [sigh] you were there for my ordeal, [sniff, sniff] I am here for yours, sniff, sniff]," she cried as she soothed his bruised cheek. ['They've BOTH been cruelly hurt in attacking that fiend. May his evil now be ended.']

Then he turned to Pastor Patrick in hopes of redemption, [sniff, sniff] "Sir, [sniff, sniff] has GOD forgiven me? Right now,[sniff, sniff] after hurting my beloved Kelly,[sniff, sniff] and my attack on the fiends, [sniff, sniff] I do not know where I am with Jesus,"[sigh]" he asked with tears flooding his eyes. ['I am so tired, I need to rest.']

Momma and Mrs. Woods hugged Johnny as Pastor Patrick replied with firm conviction, "Yes son, HE wants for you to forgive yourself," he said with tears in his eyes. ['Even now, he like Kelly is so childlike about so many things.']

Then Johnny wept freely as he let go of his anguish and his heart was healed of its turmoil. When he looked up, he saw that Julie's top was thoroughly soaked, her bra clearly showing through, "Sorry Sis, for soaking your top. Good thing that we always carry spares in the trunk, I guess we both need to change clothes, huh?" [MAN! she is so beautiful! Some guy will be very lucky when she accepts his proposal!']

She smiled and gently caressed his bruised face, "OK bro, let's get changed. I didn't mean to slap you that hard, but I had to get your attention you stubborn mule." ['Only Kelly or I could ever get away with slapping him.']

Mrs. Woods passed a denim tote bag to Johnny, "There's a change in there for both of you, and what you need to wash up too," she grinned. ['If we hadn't started keeping spares for them, our children would be wearing dirty clothes after their games.']

Johnny carried Julie to the restroom and covered her with the tote bag to preserve her modesty.

She came out of the women's in her red flannel shirt and matching panty and socks, red hose and shorts, then headed towards her parents while Johnny came out of the men's wearing his gray sweats and loafers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up and saw Johnny holding my hand, "Morning Kelly. [sigh] I'm glad that you're alright. I never meant for this to happen." ['I could get use to waking up with her, but I burned that bridge and only she can restore it.']

I smiled in spite of our break up, "Yes Johnny, I'm alright. Although, truth to tell, I am surprised that you'd want to see me after the break up. I thought that we were through. ['Is he now regretting breaking up with me?']

He blushed, "I deserve that from you and so much more. As for our friendship, I can only hope that after they brought you in because of your nervous breakdown, that you can forgive me one day."

Then I sang 'Breaking Up Is Hard To Do.'

Johnny wept as he looked away, "I know Kelly, [sniff, sniff] I know! I TOO am hurt! PLEASE don't make it any harder on me!" ['LORD, how long must I suffer? Have I lost her as my best friend in what I did?']

I smiled and laid my hand on his, "I know that Johnny, I know that you still love me as I love you, but right now my heart is cold as stone and dead. I don't know if I will ever be able to love, ever again. Please understand," I sighed in resignation of the new reality. ['Oh how I WANT to love, but I can't.']

He ever so gently caressed my face, "Yes, I understand, I have taken care of my problem, the one that caused this to happen. I know that it is too late for us after my betrayal. But I hope that we can still be friends. If not, I will understand." ['She is still my Dream Girl, but I will give up that dream for her sake.']

I took his hand in both of mine and kissed it, sorrowing over the bandages on it, "Johnny, I am truly sorry that I have to say this, [sigh] even though I have forgiven you, our friendship is now no more. For I have no hope, and until hope is restored, my heart is dead, without hope, I can not feel," I sighed. ['Lord, I hate having to hurt him, but how can I pretend a friendship that I can not feel?']

He gently held my hands in his rough, meaty hands, " I know that you don't want to hurt me Kelly, But even though you say that you have no hope, is there a chance that you will hope again?" ['I can not let go of even the slimmest of hope. I have to believe that she will hope again! It would break me to know that she will never know hope.']

I gently placed my hand on the cheek that Julie had slapped, "Well Johnny, I guess that you had best hope that things get better. And there is a chance too. Because even though, right now, I don't know, if I will hope again, GOD told me not to give up hope," I smirked at my humor. ['I can't stay mad at him. It just isn't in my heart.']

Then he chuckled as he understood my wordplay, "Well, one thing is sure and certain, your sense of humor is still there. As long as you can joke and prank, your heart, even though silent, still remembers the good times and awaits their return."

Kelly's Journey Chapter 16: Onward   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: Kelly continues to recover and discover new things about herself as she grows and matures into the woman that she is inside.

---

 
I stayed there for a week because the drugs combined with the moonshine to bollix up my systems and me being in transition, made my doctors dubious about my mental health. They were afraid that I might succeed and cause problems from activists who specialized in causing trouble when there was no need simply to further their selfish political agenda to get into the political arena. The hospital faculty was relieved when I agreed to not talk to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I saw an older brunette haired woman wearing a Navy Officer Dress Uniform. She looked smart in the trim, white uniform and white hose. The skirt was knee length with slits on each side up to her mid thigh. She was carrying a clipboard and her expression was very dour.

I put down the book that I was reading, "Hello, who are you?' I asked as I held out my hand. ['Why is she such a gloomy Gus?']

She quickly shook my hand and sat down, " My name is Sarah Lynn Morgan. I am the hospital's administrator. I need to speak with you about your stay here." ['Why does a 'PERSON' like this have to be here? We can't afford the publicity.']

I looked at her confused, "What is there to speak about? I have insurance, and even if it doesn't cover my stay, I have the funds to pay for my stay." [Just my luck to have a penny pincher to cause trouble.']

"Well, you are NOT a real girl, and your attempted suicide will give political activist fuel for their agenda that will destroy the hospital's reputation. You can hurt us simply by being here." ['I want to just evict the patient, but then the hospital would be sued, a no-win situation.']

I got out of bed, showing her my definite feminine body in all of its glory, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT A REAL GIRL?" I hissed in anger. ['How dare she question my identity! Grandpa took care of that already!']

"Unfortunately for you, you are quite well known thanks to your adventures at Ronzi's. [sigh] Believe me, all that I see is a very pretty young lady, but X-ray and ultra-sound will show both show your true gender as well as any blood tests performed. If not for that pupil of Listen, I'd not be worried, but your presence here has already been sent to others and the media is demanding a press conference." ['Will Kelly give me a way out of this? Or will she hide away from from the mob?']

"WHAT?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THAT MAD MAN IS STILL CAUSING ME TROUBLE!?" I cried out with tears streaming down my face. ['Lord! Why can I not get away from the mad man?']

Then surprisingly, she held me as I regained control, " I am sorry Kelly, but even though he is gone, his evil lingers on in his followers." [' She has been hurt by him and now I am his unwitting pawn.']

In my heart, I resolved to end this senseless war, "If you would, please call a press conference. I am sick and damned tired of his antics! I will expose him for what he is!" I demanded with utter finality. ['Pastor Patrick, I am NOW doing your job! Why have you NOT done something before now?']

~*~

The next day, I was dressed in my black skirt suit with matching panty and white blouse, hose and sandals. my family and friends were there on stage with me as well as Pastor Patrick. I was ready to speak first, but he went up before I could.

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, I am Pastor Patrick . I am the Pastor of Tri-County United Methodist Church. I am pleased to say that I am the shepard of these fine people behind me and a congregation of good Christian law abiding members. Unfortunately, one of my flock has been targeted by a former minister, Avery Linden who set himself up as a judge against Kelly Lee Moore.

"He has attacked her several times in his bigoted war to further his agenda of hatred. He was shut down, but even in prison he has continued to attack her. As the Chairman of the Tri-County Church Council, I have failed in my duty to protect her."

Then I got up and hugged him, "No, you have not failed me, nor has Constable Sebastian. Linden has been using his visitation rights to maintain his hold on his followers. I am here to tell why he has been after me.

"I am genetically a male, but I have chosen to live as a female. My family and friends all support me. Only Linden and his followers are against me. The only reason for this press conference is because one of his followers leaked my identity to the public to cause a riot. Well, I will NOT let anybody cause harm to this hospital on my behalf. I have signed a document releasing the hospital from any responsibility in my treatment.

After the press conference, Constable Sebastian was able to place Linden into solitary and all of those that had visited him were all guilty of breaking the law and joined him in prison, thus ending the war.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that my identity and safety had been assured, I could concentrate upon recovering from my suicide attempt. My enforced bed rest had combined with the bruising caused by medical intervention to weaken my muscle tone, leaving me tuckered out most of the time. It was after the sedatives were removed that I began to regain my strength.

I began to at first, walk with the assistance of a special walker that had two wheels on each of its four corners with brakes and a fold-down seat. It even had pedals that went to the rear wheels. Come to find out, Grandpa had built me a combination bicycle-wheelchair to aid in my recovery. I should have known that with his tendency to tinker with things, that he's have come up with it.

I was out and about, getting in my commute to the cafeteria where I took my meals to with me to eat. I just had to be with people, and the cafeteria met that need. I had become a fixture there, sitting by the fountain and reading my schoolbooks, that the table was unofficially dubbed Kelly's School.

~*~

I was eating lunch when Grandpa arrived, "Well Kelly, I see that your doing a whole lot better than when I saw you last time," he chuckled. ['She looks real good, almost like her old self. Soon, she will be well.']

I dropped my English book and ran over to him, "GRANDPA!! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!! WHERE'S GRANNY?" I exclaimed as I hugged him. He looked great in his red plaid shirt and overalls. [' I've missed his gentle good humor and quiet strength. He must've been daddy's role model.']

He kissed me on the forehead, "She's visiting her Gynaecologist here. She'll be here later. Right now, It's just us." ['Lord, It's been so lonely without her, but as long as she returns, it'll be well worth the wait.']

I smiled up at him and caressed his bewhiskered cheek, "I'm glad that you came Grandpa, I've missed your silly stories about the farm animals and their antics," I giggled mischievously. ['He made the farm come alive for me and gave me a love for the farm that I can never repay except to one day raise children to inherit the legacy.']

He chuckled at my very apt description of his none sense stories, "Well, if I hadn't of become a farmer, I'd have become a reporter, but the farm's call was too strong, so I have told my whoppers instead." ['I didn't have the opportunities that my children or Kelly has, or I'd have fulfilled that dream.']

Then I led him to my table, I sat down while he went to get us both a mug of cappuccino, "I see that they've labeled your table for you," he smirked. ['Kelly has that gift of encouraging others to perform acts of kindness. Yet she never abuses it.']

I picked up my dropped schoolbook and placed it on the table, "That's because I'm keeping up with my school assignments. I can't do anything about my gymnastics yet, but I will in time," I sighed in regret. ['I miss being so active.']

Grandpa took a sip of his cappuccino, "What about all of the walking and pedaling that you do? Doesn't that help out any?" ['Wait till she learns about my little surprise.']

I shook my head, then finished my delicious cake which I halved with him, "Oh it helps, but I need an exercise mat for my yoga and other disciplines that I'm neglecting." ['He doesn't know what I'm missing.']

"Well, I can bring you yours from home if you wish, but do you have your workout togs?" ['Seeing her jump all over the farm like a gazelle has been something that I cherish, especially when she wears those cute little skirts. She brings back memories of Terri when she was a cheerleader and of my Beloved Lizzie too.']

"That'd be swell Grandpa! I am getting all out of shape just laying here!" ['I wonder how much weight that I've gained? My panties are starting to feel a tad tight.']

Grandpa leered jokingly at me like Groucho Marx, "Frankly my dear, you look quite delicious to me as you are." ['DAMN! I sound like a letch! It's a good thing that she know that I'm joking around with her.']

I squealed in delight, "Grandpa you dirty old man! I am not on the menu today!" ['I can see everybody here gossiping about this now.']

"Too bad, the cafe would make a killing selling Kelly potpies." ['She does make a delicious potpie at that.']

"OK Grandpa, I know that you're here alone for some reason, now tell me because I know that you'd stay with Granny." ['If he thinks that he can pull the wool over my eyes, he has another think coming.']

"You're right, Granny is here in the beauty salon, getting her hair done. I am taking this time to be with you and make sure that my doodad is working." ['Now let's see if she can figure out what it is.']

Then it dawned on me where my walker had come from, "OH! So YOU'RE the one responsible for my transportation! I should've known that you'd have built it in your shop," I smirked. ['He tinkers as much as he farms.']

"Yep! I took the old bicycle frames frames and lawnmower wheels to make it. I would've added gears, but felt that they'd be a bit much," he grinned. ['I finally did something to alleviate my burden. I feel so free now.']

I finished my cappuccino and Grandpa took away the trash while I loaded my tray onto my walker, "Well Good Looking, let's get rid of my tray and go see Granny, I feel like getting the works today." ['There's nothing like getting pampered in a beauty salon to lift a girl's spirits up when she's down.']

Grandpa took my tray to the Tray Disposal Window, "OK, but YOU take it easy and ride. I want to see how well my contraption works for you," he gestured to my walker. ['Lizzie and Terri did well, but it was meant for Kelly.']

I sat in the seat and began pedaling away, "Catch me if you can, Big Boy!" I called out as I passed him. ['Wait'll Granny see me now!']

I zoomed to the beauty salon, only to find BOTH of my grandparents sitting out front, waiting for me. Granny looked very pretty in her floor length denim skirt and red blouse, "Say what? How did you beat me here Grandpa?"

"I took a shortcut through the back," he chuckled. ['It's always fun to pull a fast one on Kelly, especially when she doesn't see it coming.']

Then Granny hugged me, "Darling Kelly, we planned this outing today to treat our granddaughter to a day of being pampered as only a beauty salon can do. Joe wanted to see how you were doing with your gift that he made for you, he knows how much it is that you miss being active. And I miss our time in the kitchen. So, get ready, because we're gonna be spoiled while Joe sets up your room with your exercise equipment." ['She is so frail looking, but she is as tough as nails like her mother.']

"You lied Grandpa, you said that Granny was getting the works, not waiting for me, and you have my stuff here," I smirked. ['Guess that it's my day to be pranked by my grandparents, and I love it.']

"Well, I NEVER aid that she was IN the salon. only that she was here to get the works, and I still have to go get the stuff out of the truck," he grinned. ['I can see that she's considering some way to thank us, probably with a prank.']

I got out my mini-squirt-gun that I kept handy and got him right in the mouth, "OK Gramps, thanks for my ride and room," I giggled. [Wasn't expecting me to use such a childish prank, I bet.']

Granny giggled, "I see that she got you Joe, right in the mouth!" ['Good aim kiddo, he never saw it coming.']

"Well, I guess that's her way of saying thanks," he spluttered as he wiped his mouth. ['I see that she is aiming at Lizzie, Far be it for me to interfere with Kelly's fun.']

I aimed right at Granny's nose and let fly with my final squirt, the shot went up her nose, "Gotcha Granny! Ready for the spoiling now?" I asked mischievously.

"OK Kelly, guess you got us both."

We both were pampered as we were subjected to the special treatments that cleansed and rejuvenated our bodies. The fact that I was wearing my gaffe didn't matter. They had a gentleman there who tucked my boy bits in such a way that I looked like a girl, before he tucked, my groin was thoroughly treated though and released afterwards. I truly never have felt so decadent as when I was given a massage by the Swedish Masseuse Inga. She looked just like Sonya Henning, that Ice-skating star from yesteryear.

When we got through with our pampering, I found that Granny had gotten me a white skirted sailor-girl leotard with matching socks, shoes and taupe hose while she wore a denim skirt and peasant blouse with penny loafers. I got on my ride and went up to my room where Grandpa was waiting outside.

"Well, here are my beautiful wife and granddaughter. Can I be anymore blessed than I am to be graced with such wealth?" he announced with a twinkle in his eyes. ['That pampering did them both good.']

"Oh shush Joe, your making me blush, you flirt!" Indeed, Granny was was beet red and smiling at the attention. ['He still can get my heart racing with his smooth talking.']

I got up out of my ride and hugged him, "OK Grandpa, you wouldn't be out here unless you were through, may I see what you did?" ['Did he bring my favorite plushy? I've missed that old bird something fierce.']

I had a beautiful plushy eagle that daddy had given me before he died. It is a bald eagle done in patriotic colors. I've been using it as a pillow and confidant for years. This was the first time that I was away from 'Old Abe', my plushy.

He opened the door with a flourish and chuckled, "Open sesame my dear Kelly, your humble servant awaits thy edict." ['She always said that if she was a Princess or Queen that she'd not be a weak one, but more like Xena. And I believe her too.']

I giggled, "OK my servant, [giggle] Queen Xena shall see if you are worth keeping or sending to the dungeons." ['He's being silly. No doubt about it, he is recovering from his anger over my being here. But when will I have hope again?']

I entered the room and was impressed with what he'd done. Not only was my exercise mat there, but my ballet mirror/bar assembly as well as my weights and martial arts equipment. I looked in the nightstand and saw my collection of books and my laptop computer with internet access. Grandpa had truly made the room feel like home.

Granny stood by me, "He really outdid himself for you Princess. This is the most that he's done since you've left last week." ['Joe lost that spark like I did.We need Kelly to be whole Lord. When will that be?']

I turned and hugged both of them, "[sniff,sniff] Thanks Granny and Grandpa. [sniff,sniff] The beauty salon trip [sniff,sniff] and redoing my room makes my stay here [sniff,sniff] a lot more bearable," I wept as tears flowed freely down my face.

Granny kissed my tear wet cheek, "You're more than welcome my Precious Kelly. You have been a joy to have at the farm, and teaching you all about being farmer's wife was like having your mother Terri back home." ['It will be another tearful joy to see her move on, but she must spread her wings and fly.']

Grandpa kissed my other cheek, "It was my pleasure to build you your little ride and make your room like home. Debbie will be here after she gets through with school." ['Now she'll ask about school.']

"What about school for me? Am I still enrolled or must I now repeat the grade?" ['That'd be just desserts for what I did.']

"We'll let Debbie answer that since she is now your tutor. It's a good thing that you've kept up with your schoolwork," replied Granny.

"OK, I guess that she's been way too busy with school and her job to visit. When will she come by?"

Then I saw her come up silently behind my grandparents, she motioned for me to stay silent. Which I did because of my surprise. She looked stunning in her school uniform of white blouse, red blazer, blue skort, bloomers and shoes with suntan hose. I knew that my uniform replaced the blazer with a sweeter vest.

She hugged them, "Oh Kelly Girl,[giggle] I am here NOW for you. [giggle] I've been by before, [giggle] but you were asleep," she giggled. ['GOD! It's so good to see my niece up and about after seeing her practically dead in that living nightmare.']

"AUNTIE!! I'VE MISSED YOU SO TERRIBLY MUCH! IT'S SO GOOD TO SE YOU AGAIN!" I exclaimed as my grandparents opened their arms so that I could bear hug her. ['My confidant and strength in my troubled times.']

"[sniff,sniff] When I saw you dead to the world [sniff,sniff] after your suicide attempt, [sniff,sniff] I thought that I had lost you! [sniff,sniff] Seeing you alive and well is a balm to my soul, [sniff,sniff] " she cried. ['And NOW that nightmare is over and a new dream has dawned in my heart.']

I began to cry after I heard Auntie, "[sniff,sniff] I'm sorry Auntie,[sniff,sniff] but at the time, [sniff,sniff] I wanted to die [sniff,sniff] and end my suffering. [sniff,sniff] GOD let you return in time to save me. [sniff,sniff] Otherwise, [sniff,sniff] I'd be dead [sniff,sniff] and in Heaven with daddy.[sniff,sniff] " ['Nobody can understand my anguish, NOBODY!']

"Oh Kelly! If I had of gotten there in time, I could have told you about my experience with being betrayed! I know the feeling and so does your mother."

I felt a small, strong hand on my shoulder,"[sniff,sniff] I too know betrayal that made me despair, [sniff,sniff] but not to the degree that you despaired, [sniff,sniff] " wept Granny. ['I never thought that I'd ever talk about this, but I will for Kelly.']

Then an idea formed in my head, "Do we need to go to the Chapel Conference Room? Because I am assuming that Momma and the Woods aren't far behind," I smirked, knowing that I had caught them all in a big cover-up from the guilty looks on their faces. ['They can't keep a secret very well around me.']

Aunt Debbie spoke up first, "Yes, they'll be here later for dinner. I'm here to test you on your school subjects to see if you up to par with the curriculum while they go and see about off loading what furniture and such that they've got on the truck." ['I've never known of my parents to not make the most of a trip.']

We headed down to the Chapel Conference Room where Father Dowling and Sister Mary were the Resident Clergy for the week. The hospital scheduled the Clergy from the different Churches participating in the Chapel Program. There were Daily Morning and Evening Services with local choirs giving concerts on Saturday evenings. I had been here both as a singer, dancer and in the audience.

When I saw him outside the Chapel, I leaped out of my ride and jumped into his arms with a squeal of delight, "FATHER DOWLING! IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHAPEL?!" ['He looks so much younger now than when we met years ago after daddy died.']

He smiled broadly and returned my hug, "Oh, I'm still there, I'm simply letting my apprentice have his chance while I serve here. Jerri Dowling deserves her chance." ['I never believed that I'd be graced with children.']

"YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT'S A PRIEST?! I THOUGHT THAT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH HAD ONLY MALE PRIESTS!" ['Maybe my study of other churches is faulty, or is there something else going on here?']

"You are correct, I have twins by Sister Mary who chose to send our children to live with her parents. They grew up coming to my Chapel and when my son Mark became a Priest, my daughter became a Methodist Pastor." ['What a legacy You gave me Lord! Both of my children followed me into the Ministry.']

I felt Sister Mary hug me in true sisterly affection, "When we saw you and your mother, we thought about what a wonderful family you were, I had my own twins that my mother was raising. She knew that Peter was the father. It was then that we decided to let our children know the truth." ['Kelly helped me to see what a wonderful thing parenthood is and what we were giving up for the Church. That's why we are now separate from the Catholic Church.']

"Well, I think that you two did the right thing, what has the Church said about it?"

"They know only that I adopted a young boy and his sister and that they followed me into the Ministry. They want to admonish me for not encouraging Jerri to be a nun, but what can they really do? The Roadside Chapel belongs to the Stare and leased out to Woods Enterprises," he chuckled. ['I've never met my benefactor to thank them for their generosity. How I wish that I could.']

Then I saw a way to repay the Woods for their friendship, "Are you talking about Charles Woods?"

Sister Mary did the Cross over her heart and knelt to pray," Yes Kelly, Why do you ask?" he looked at me with hope in his eyes.

"Well, he just happens to be coming here today. He's my Godfather," I smirked.

"Is that why your family left you here?"

"I guess, so. Knowing them, they saw that we knew each other and are letting us have some private time."

Then momma came up and hugged me, "Yes Kelly, they did and now it's time for everybody to meet."

Meet we did. It was a wonderful time of fellowship and renewal as we gathered together to share our griefs and joys with one another. I was reacquainted with the gossip that I was ignorant of and the many oddities that made everybody unique.

Mister Woods had purchased several trailers and outfitted them as portable kitchens for helping out with natural disasters where safe food preparation was paramount as well as others loaded with supplies. His Disaster Relief Trailers have helped out throughout the nation, going into the forgotten areas devastated by Mother Nature.

Mrs. Woods had a few trailers outfitted as mini-hospitals and operating rooms. Under her supervision, the boy-scouts and girl-scouts both were trained in the latest first aid and CPR training and those with any medical training were kept up to date.

Julie organized the cheerleaders and dancers into volunteer help at hospitals and nursing homes, often working with the Humane Society by taking shelter animals to patients and working in the shelter to care for the unfortunate pets. She convinced her dad to cover the expense of their care and found a large warehouse to act as their new home.

My Sweet Johnny became the much needed Student Leader of the athletes that Coach was looking for. He led the school's Athletic Program into winning #1 Placement in every sport and was voted Student Leader in his Senior year.

Momma was able to organize other ladies and gentlemen form her own Secretarial/Catering Service through Mister Woods and take over as Manager/Vice-President of Woods Enterprises Catering Division. Now, it is a state-wide company with a certified degree in Business Management/Catering to help train others.

Aunt Debbie used her knowledge of theater and makeup to help her school to start performing plays and talent shows when Mister Phelps, the theater teacher retired. She also helped to publish the school weekly newspaper and yearbook.

Grandpa Joe sold or donated his carvings and tinkerings to the Disaster Relief Trailers of Mister Woods and won an award for Community Citizenship for doing the plumbing and electrical work on a block of apartment buildings made to house

Granny Lizzie donated all of her canned and freezer goods as well as her bodacious supply of quilts and such to supply the Disaster Relief Trailers that Mister Woods built. Now she has been set up to manage a small warehouse where she supervises the production of Disaster Relief Groceries.

Constable Sebastian was given brand new equipment and a new Headquarters to house the new Camera-Security System to help prevent crime and aid in Medical Emergencies. The system is mainly in the Business and School Districts with all streets monitored to help the citizenry, NOT to write tickets. He only intervenes when an accident occurs, much like Andy Taylor on the Andy Griffith Show.

Me, I still don't know what I'll be or what my future holds for me, but I do know that I have one, and that comforted me and let me sleep peacefully. My only regret is that it took my attempting suicide to come to this realization.

That night, after we went our separate ways, I listened to Bette Middler's 'The Rose' and thought about how very well the song fit me.

I now knew that their love had drowned the tender reed of my heart and cleansed it of my despair of Johnny's razor that caused my soul to bleed. Yes, my love for Johnny is an endless, aching need. But my love is a flower, my love for Johnny but a seed.

Right now, I'm afraid to love again, afraid of breaking in the dance of love. I'm afraid to dream of love, afraid to take the chance. I'm afraid for my heart to be taken, because I can not give. I died because I was afraid to live.

This night of no hope has been too lonely, the road too long. I know that love is for everybody, both weak and strong. And I have been promised that beneath the bitter snow of my winter, my heart's seed will in the renewal of the Lord's Healing will become a Rose.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 17: Hope Renewed   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis: Kelly's recovery continues as she meets with psychiatrists and surgeons about her surgery to become a woman. In the process, she discovers a vital Truth about her Love for Johnny and why she despaired.

---

 
Then after hugging and kissing them 'goodbye', after the meeting, I went to bed and dedicated several hours to my own brand of therapy. I had often in the past had let physical exhaustion clear my mind so that I could more readily deal with anything.

Well, I exhausted myself in performing the exercise routines that I had been neglecting in the week long enforced bed rest caused by the mini-coma. I woke up the next morning, stinky, sore and tired, but a pain pill eased my aching muscles so that I could clean up and tackle the equipment again.

I threw myself into the exercises in an effort to keep from thinking about myself. I still felt empty and weak, like a drum that was being drummed by a very poor drummer who had absolutely no rhythm. I knew that I could very easily backslide and despair again, taking my life, And even worse, I feared that the next time that I'd succeed and send my family and friends into the very hell that I had come back from death to prevent.

I knew that I had been given the choice the last time, but I had no guarantee that I'd be sent back again. Beyond that, I had vowed to live for them and I have NEVER gone back on my word, no matter the cost to me. No, I would live for them and go through hell on Earth for them, even if I NEVER knew hope again.

~*~

After entering into my second set of exercises after breakfast, a stranger entered my room and sat down, waiting for me to respond. She was my momma's age, with honey blond curly hair, making her look like Shirley Temple. She was wearing a multi-colored skirted leotard and beige tights with pink ballet slippers compared to my skin tone sports bra with matching briefs over tan hose. My ballet slippers were white.

I looked at her and held out both of my hands, "Hello, sorry about the mess Ma'am, but as you can see, I am exercising," I smirked, ['Wonder if she wants to join me in the fun?'] Even after all this time, I was being the perfect hostess, that training was too well ingrained.

She got up and sat by me where I was laying after finishing with my 'bicycle' exercise, "Hello, my name is Terri Anne Volkirch. I am a psychiatrist assigned to your case. I heard that you were working up a sweat, so I thought that I'd join you," she smiled. ['She shows all of the signs of running from a problem, will she open up? Or must I dig deep into her psyche?']

"Thanks! Let me guess, you're here because of my attempted suicide. Although I was expecting for you to be dressed like the others," I sighed. ["I must be strong or I will despair, even now.']

She smiled at my rancor, "Yes, that's why I'm here. But since you're getting into exercising, I thought that I'd kill two birds with one stone. You see, I too need to exercise," ['Let's see if her sense of humor is intact now.']

"Two birds huh? You mean you and me? Because I can guarantee you that even with me being out of shape, that if you exercise with me that you'll want to kill me to stop the torture, Only Julie or Johnny could really match me before," I giggled. ['Those were fun times, before the game, before the passion.']

She looked very thoughtful, "Actually, that's pretty close to what I have in mind. I want to gauge your competitive spirit to see if you're ready for sports again." ['If she has the spirit, hopefully I can get her to channel it into wanting to live. She is still way to close the edge of despair. I can read it in her eyes. Her mother is right, Kelly's eyes are a window to her soul. May I give her the strength to continue to fight,']

Then I jumped up with a grin, "Well then, let's see just how much we're both in shape. Because I can tell you truthfully that I am far from my peak condition. I guess that you know that to dare me to do anything is to get my blood flowing," ['Working with her will help me to better gauge my own abilities.']

I saw her evilly grin, "I just might have somebody here to push me to go beyond MY limits." ['Never have I seen such a competitive yet easy going innocent spirit. I want to see her healed.']

So we both pushed ourselves to go beyond what we believed was our best. By the time that we ended our routine, we were both exhausted and stinky. We fell asleep, only to be awakened by Nurse Holly as she came to take my 11: o'clock vitals reading. I know that I sound archaic, but reading those old novels does that to you.

~*~

Nurse Holly entered wearing her classic whites dress, she was quite young and loved showing off her trim figure in form-fitting clothes that allowed her to show off her legs. She had been a cheerleader in school and even now, dedicated an hour a week to maintaining her figure. She had graduated years ago and was happily married to her husband Richard Hart who was the heir of the Happy Hart Corporation that had bankrolled most of the local business enterprises in the area.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, "Wake up Princess. Time to take your readings and blood. Then you can shower and change clothes while your bedding is refreshed." ['She looks so peaceful there. Hard to imagine her committing suicide. but she most definitely needs to take a bath, SHE REEKS!']

I groaned as I felt my body's pain and stiffness,"Ooooh! Please Nurse Holly, be a Saint and put me out of my suffering! Why did I ever agree to this stupidity? No, don't tell me. It was me and my ego." ['I've NEVER felt THIS bad before!!']

I heard another groan beside me,"OoOoo! I agree! Did anybody get the name of that Mack Truck that ran over me? What I do for my patients SHOULD grant me a Knighthood if I was British," she joked. ['Well, my grandparents are from England and I do have dual citizenship.']

Nurse Holly giggled, "OK you two, enough with the theatrics. The nurses bet on what would happen when you two competed, I won." ['I knew from her friends that Kelly would compete, but NOT the doc, good thing I guessed right.']

Terri Anne sighed, "Well, I'm glad that you won, but we're both suffering, do we get relief?" ['DAMN! I am NOT at my best right now.']

"Nurse, I pushed myself because I've NOT been able to exercise as I am use to doing. Normally, the workout would've been followed by a good soak in a hot tub, spa, or massage. Is there a spa here?" ['I forgot to ask before, and it's a good thing that I've got that massaging recliner from home.']

"Yes, there's a whirlpool spa here in the gymnasium and in the Therapy section as well. You can go there AFTER I've given you your medicines and take some blood," She immediately produced the vials and my pills with a mischievous grin. ['She HATES it whenever we draw blood, calling us vampires.]

"OK, what about me? Do I get any relief?" ['Why must I ask again I wonder? Is she being purposefully dense?']

Nurse Holly reached and helped her up, "Yes doctor, it's just that it's so very seldom that we see a shrink gotten the better of by a patient. Please let me wheel you down to the spa," she smirked. ['At least she has a sense of humor.']

"Well, considering the patient here, no doubt," Terri added as she stretched.

Then Nurse Holly came over and got ready to draw even more blood, "What are you getting blood for now?" I visibly cringed. ['If they keep on, I won't be able to donate for a year!']

"Well, since you want to transition, we need to make sure about your health. It wouldn't do to have you on the table only to have to remove some cancer." ['I've seen it happen before, and it ain't pretty.']

I started thinking about all of the things that could go wrong. I had to watch as a fellow student Maggie Sharp had succumbed to leukemia and visibly wither way. she was my age and only after she was buried did I learn from her parents that she was in transition. She had taken drugs that had caused her liver to shut down and allowed for the leukemia that was dormant to ravage her body.

I felt an encouraging arm on my shoulder, "You look as if you were reliving a bad memory there want to tell me about it?" ['Whatever it is has her scared to death.']

Then I held out my arm so that Nurse Holly could draw blood, which she did at a nod from Terri, "Thanks, I was thinking about another girl like me who died because she took the wrong drugs that shut down her liver and let her leukemia return. [sigh] We were both cheerleaders and I learned her secret only after her death."

"Maggie Sharp?"

"The same, why?"

"She was my patient. I was hoping that the regimen of drugs would prevent her death, but she went to the internet, and did not transition under a doctors care."

~*~

I am glad to say that I am in excellent health, and according to all the tests, I am cancer free. I had to make sure that the hormones that I was taking wasn't messing me up. My testicles were atrophied and penis only a nub, but there was enough skin and tissue to create a vagina or me according to the staff. When I told them to measure Johnny to be sure, brought the house down. It seems that he had a mold made of it for the doctors, they assured me that my real vagina could handle it.

Truthfully, I wasn't interested in sex. Having to dilate my vagina would be a necessary evil in order for me to be a woman as much as possible. I knew that there were genetic women unable to give birth. Me, I wanted to be a birth mother but I knew that was out of the question.

Recently, I had been thinking about how much fun the Woods and my family had had raising me and my bestest of friends. I wanted the feel of a child in me and nursing my child from milk in my mammaries, better known as breasts. Taking the proper hormones, I could feed a newborn, but that child would not be mine. Next time that I visit Heaven, I will talk to Jesus about this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aunt Debbie thoroughly grilled me on the schoolwork for several hours. I aced every test and essays that she gave me. My only setbacks were the physical education and coordination tests. But I was given an incomplete on them because of my limitations. She knew that I was not at my best right now, so she decided to wait until I was ready.

With my grades and Aptitude Tests, I was a perfect candidate to become a counselor. Truth to tell, I felt led to becoming one because I wanted to help people, but until the tests, I didn't know which way to go.

Until then, I had always thought that I'd be a dancer or gymnast and open up a dance studio or teach in school with Debbie, but now I was feeling a far different calling equal to my love of dance and I needed to decide which calling to answer.

I was in a quandary over my vocation and couldn't decide. I had several perfectly good representatives of people that were happy doing a job that they loved, but they all had only ONE vocation, not TWO! Could I despair over my inability to choose? I did not know, nor i a way did I want to.

~*~

Aunt Debbie looked up from the essay that I had written on the Star Trek phenonenom titled 'The Triune Triumverate' where I compared the Command Crew of the Enterprise to the concept of Mind/Body/Soul unity and how when all parts work together, the person is complete, but when one part is hurting, then the rest unite to heal the broken part.

"Very well thought out Kelly. Without relying upon psychiatric teachings that'd confuse most laymen, you've provided the reader with a detailed view of the workings of the mind. Have you thought about going to college to become a counsellor?" ['She'd make a great one with her empathy and insight.']

I looked over to her, confused as to my future, "Auntie, right now, I don't know what I wanna do! I am torn between counseling others and dancing! I want to do both, but how?" I asked while breaking pencil single handed. ['Can she help me? Or am I to be forced to choose? I don't wanna choose!!.']

She came over and led me over to a mirror where I saw her in wearing a pastel tiger striped blouse tucked into a matching knee-length skirt silt to mid-thigh with red fishnet hose and heels while I wore a white shorts set with matching socks and sneakers with suntan hose. As I looked at us she actually did bunny ears behind my head, causing me to giggle.

"Kelly, what do you see in me?" ['She can't see the big picture yet, I need to help her to see that she can be both.']

I looked at both her and her mirror image, "I see a beautiful woman next to a cute girl. Why?" ['What is she wanting for me to see?']

She smiled, "Yes, but that's physical, not WHO I am," she admonished me. ['She can be SO dense at times.']

I was very puzzled. Most of the time, I could see where she was going. Had my attempted suicide made me dumber? " Then who are you?" ['Just where is she going with this?']

"I am Debbie Moore, daughter of Lizzie Jane and Joe Moore, sister of Terri Lynn Moore, Aunt to Kelly Lee Moore. I am all of those thing all the time. As for my vocation, I own/operate a specialty shop and also teach at school." ['Now maybe she will see that she can do many things.']

Then it dawned on me, "NOW I get it! I can be a counselor and still dance! I thought that I had to choose between my two loves!" I happily exclaimed. ['Why did I not see it for myself?']

I began to silently weep as another burden that had me under its bondage was lifted. Aunt Debbie held me and guide me over to a pair of chairs when my legs got weak. I now knew just how wrong I was about everybody.

My friends and family all had their primary vocation as well as their hobby or second vocation that made their lives so much fun. NOW I could and would do the same.

~*~

I had a nice supply of underoos and hose to wear from momma. She knew how much that I loved wearing them as costumes, so I'd wear them instead of those drafty hospital gowns. Oh I got me a supply of them, but they were turned into: tops, skirts, dresses, and dress shirts thanks to Granny.

As for me and my underoos, the staff started calling by the costume I wore, if spider-girl, I was Spider-Kelly. The most fun ones were those with a skirt, then I could do a proper cheer, can't really cheer without a skirt in my book.

~*~

While there, I met the psychologist Nora Adrienne Doret. She is as big as Johnny, yet as feminine as Aunt Debbie. When we met, I knew that I could trust her. She was wearing a red skirt suit with white blouse and hose. her low heels were red as well as her bloomer which I could see when she sat down. I was wearing my Spider-Kelly costume.

"Welcome to my office Kelly, I am Nora," she said as she proffered her hand. ['Even knowing her records, I see nothing of a man in her.']

I shook her hand and smiled, "Thanks Nora, but why not 'Spider-Kelly like the staff?" ['Maybe I'm wrong to ask a shrink.']

Then she sat down on her desk and I saw her bloomers, "Because I don't want to put any labels on you, although, from your records, you could be 'Spider-Kelly," she grinned. ['She is a real charmer and heart breaker.']

I blushed when I saw her bloomers, "Uh ma'am, uh, you need to uh, close your legs please." ['She acts like a guy dressing like a woman.']

She smiled as if she had caught me in the act, "And why is that Kelly, pray tell." ['Why is the patient blushing?']

I pointed towards her crotch, "I can see your bloomers ma'am. You need either a longer skirt or pants unless you like showing off." ['DAMN!! I sound just like momma when she would get onto me about showing mine.']

She actually blushed as she got up and sat primly in a lounge chair and motioned for me to sit in the one by it, "Touche Kelly, at times I forget that I am wearing a skirt or a dress," she grinned. ['Should have remembered that.']

I shook my head in amazement, "Why would you forget? are you not a woman like me?" ['I hope that she won't call me on my lie.']

She sat back and steepled her fingers over her breasts, "Exactly, like you, I was born a male, but I am now a woman." ['Let's see hoe she reacts to that bit of information.']

I sat forward in amazement, "AMAZING. I would never have guessed. You look so natural," I whispered. ['I wonder, could that be me in time? Do I have that natural ability that she has?']

She poured me an excellent cup of herbal tea and passed the cup and saucer to me, then poured herself one, "Yes, I am a post-op transsexual woman," she sighed. ['Even today, I find it a burden to tell my patients, but somehow, Kelly makes it easier on me.']

I sipped my tea, then finding it delicious, drained it, much to her delight, "Please tell me about it
ma'am. I need to know," I pleaded. ['Did she despair like I did of life? Are there others that haven't despaired?']

She poured me another cup and passed it to me with scrumptious peanut butter oatmeal raisin cookies from one of Granny's tins, "I grew up as a petite boy that found wearing my older sister's castoffs fun. At first, it was her shirts, shorts and pants, but all too soon I went for he intimates." ['Later I'll show Kelly pictures of me growing up as a girl.']

I munched on a cookie and visibly put them down much to her delight when I pointed to my waist, "Much the same with me, but you're a big girl, did you go through a girl's or a boy's puberty?" ['I can't see a hint of boy in her at all.']

"Luckily for me, I was able to go through a girl's thanks to an accident," she grinned. ['One that I am glad that happened too.']

I visibly winced at the thought, even though I knew that surgery would remove m boy bits, the idea of being aware was gross, "What happened?" ['Come on girl, you can take it.']

"I was hit by an arrow when I was at a "Robin Hood" Extravaganza set up by the Town And Gown Theater to showcase their production of The Adventures Of Robin Hood, I was a stage hand dressed in green tights and tunic, really my Peter Pan costume from the last production," she sighed. [''Ruined my tights too, at least I could wear them as Green Arrow.']

I pointedly took ONE cookie and munched it as I drank my tea which she graciously refilled, "Was it backstage? If not, would have made quite a show," I smirked. ['DAMN, Why am I poking fun at her?']

She smiled at my sense of humor, ['I can see that this scamp has a well developed sense of the ridiculous.'] "No, it was on stage, unfortunately, somebody backstage got carried away with a bow and arrow and shot it off and hit me. I at least had a one of a kind death scene," she giggled'

"What about the stagehand? What happened to to them?"

"The stagehand was fired from the theater, but he soon became my best friend. We married after we graduated and I am happy to be Montgomery Scott Doret's wife," she smiled. ['I doubt that anybody has MY story.']

~*~

Nora and I became fast friends and she helped me to see myself as more than Kelly. I came to realize why I was so infatuated with Johnny that I had sex with him at the drop of a hat and why that also led me to despair of life when he rejected me.

Johnny had become my surrogate daddy. Like most any daughter, I wanted to marry my dad or father figure, the fact that Johnny was my age made it better and him being my best friend sweetened the deal. In my mind, I was actually making love to my daddy. And when Johnny rejected me AFTER I had given myself to him as a woman, it was as if my daddy had done it.

When I learned that, I was appalled! I couldn't believe that I suffered from the Oedipus Complex like that.I know that I love my daddy, but the very idea of having wanton sex with him made me sick at my stomach, so sick that I went into a hysterical coma until I could come to grips with it and face that part of me.

~*~

I saw my daddy sitting on a cuddly bear very much like Ben from grizzly Adams, and he was dressed like Mad Jack with old Number Seven nearby, "Hello Kelly, Are you OK?"

I stood there, amazed at this display of T.V. characters. Grizzly Adams was one of my favorite
shows along with all of those Westerns that I'd watched on weekday afternoons after school and homework thanks o my extensive video library that easily fills several trunks.

"Daddy, why are you Mad Jack with Ben and Number Seven by you? Have you been watching Grizzly Adams?"

"Well my daughter, they represent your strength and steadfastness. Ben your strength and Number Seven your steadfastness."

"Oh, I thought Ben represented my cute, cuddly side and Number Seven my mean streak," I smirked.

"That too Kelly, that too, now want to sit in my lap as you like to do? That is one thing that I cherish about your visits."

"I am afraid to daddy, afraid that it is not right because I am now a grown up and no longer a child," I wept.

He lifted me up into his lap, I wanted to protest, but I felt a strong assurance, "Because of that report from Nora."

"Yes, [sniff, sniff] I don't want to commit incest daddy, [sniff,sniff] but I did with Johnny as I thought of you."

Then I heard Ben, "Ah, but you didn't, no matter what she says."

"Then why does the report say so?"

Then Number Seven spoke, "In Johnny, you see the qualities that you see in your father. You don't want him, rather you want one with qualities that you see in your father."

"And that is why I despaired of life when Johnny rejected me?"

Daddy said, "Yes, and why you sought me out rather than the LORD. You needed me and you knew that Jesus would be here for you."

"OK then, which one is Jesus and which one is the Holy Spirit. because I don't feel as if I am divided," I smirked.

"Neither are Me nor the Spirit. Micheal is Ben, and Gabriel is Number Seven," grinned Jesus as He appeared before me.

"JESUS! MY LORD!" I exclaimed as Micheal, Gabriel and daddy assumed their regular forms.

"Yes my child, you needed confirmation of your True Self from an attack upon your Spirit."

"Jesus, I know that I was wrong to have sex with Johnny before marriage, but am I wrong to want to be a girl when I was born a boy."

Then Jesus swept me into his arms, Why do you ask my child? Have I ever said anything to make you doubt my Love for you?"

I sighed, No Lord Jesus. But there are those below like Linden who SAY that they know You, yet spew hate."

Kelly, not all who say that they know Me know Me. It is sad that are not seen as the hypocrites that they are."

"But what about me Lord?"

"What about you Kelly?"

Am I an abomination as Linden says I am?"

Then I heard my Lord weeping, "Kelly, you are no abomination. It is against such mutilating of My Word that I grieve."

Here I am in Heaven, causing My Savior to cry! WHAT A DOWNER! Now I truly wished that I'd NEVER been born.

"Jesus, could You redo time so that I was never born? I NEVER wanted to make You cry!!"

Then his tears of grief became of JOY, "Oh Kelly, even as broken as you are now, your innocence stays as pure as the driven snow. Against such no evil can stand. If all of my children could but sample a moment of your innocence, they would all strive to stay innocent."

"Well, I don't feel innocent. I feel all empty inside," I sighed.

"My child, like the song "The Rose", you are going through a most bleak winter. You have been hurt and afraid to love. You have been wondering if you will ever love again."

I began to cry as my heart wept bitter tears of regret, regret that I was still barren of love, "Yes My Lord. How many tears must I shed until I cry with Joy?"

"Soon my child, your heart will soon be ready to love again."

~*~

When I awoke, I looked up and saw Sarah Lynn Morgan walking towards me with a jewelry box in her hand. I was once again in my bed with monitors about me to track my vitals. In the room, asleep was Nora. I knew that she had stayed there because of me.

She smiled when she saw that I was awake, "Welcome back to the Land of the Living. You had us worried there for a bit." ['She is a trooper! But will the next setback be too much for her? Can I make up for my earlier actions?']

"Thanks Sarah, What Nora said threw me for a loop. In fact, I half expected for you to be her." ['But why is she here?']

Then she handed me the box, "Please accept this as my way of apologizing for my attitude when you were being admitted. I was truly afraid for myself, not the hospital. I should have NEVER been afraid, but fear and doubt blinded me," she sighed. ['Kelly is much stronger than I am.']

I opened the box and saw a RED four leaf clover pendant with a fine gold chain and matching brooch, lapel pin, and earrings," Sarah, you didn't have to do this. You were simply protecting the hospital from Linden's evil. That' why I agreed to the press conference." ['Although, she was fidgeting a bit there. I took it to be her natural way to work, not being scared. Gues my ability to read others is zilch right now.']

"I was born Terrence Andrew Naut after my father who died before I was born. My mother was a dress shop owner. I grew up finding that I liked wearing dresses and hose. Thanks to taking my mom's pills, I went through a girl's puberty and transitioned when the doctors saw that my boy bits were cancerous," she sighed as she sat. ['Of everybody here, only she can understand.']

"I bet that when your mom found out that you were a daughter instead of a son, she had a fit," I giggled. ['I know that MY mom would have under the same circumstances.']

"Well, actually, she loved having a daughter. You see, I made a right cute girl and could wear a bikini or swimsuit with no bulge even before the operation by wearing a gaffe," she smiled. ['Too bad mine didn't look as good as hers do.']

"OK, but what does THIS have to do with me?" ['Is she related to Linden?']

"Well. Linden was my pastor at the time. He badgered me about letting medicine and cancer rob me of my manhood. He was appalled to find that the girl that he has tried to seduce was me. That pervert really wanted to deflower me until he found out that I HAD no flower, uh so to speak," she giggled. ['The look on his face PRICELESS!']

"And if he associated your name with your past, he could cause you some harm, Right?" ['Will his evil now end?']

"Right! But when you decided to fight, I couldn't and wouldn't let him win. YOU had stood up to him and won, NO it was my turn."

I clasped her hand, "Together, let's resolve to put fear behind us and lie in the Light."

"Yes, let's do that." she agreed.

She then helped me to don the jewelry and smiled when I was adorned with her gift. I looked like a Regal Queen with my jewelry and was very appropriate for me too. I am Irish on my momma's side. That's where my green eyes and red hair come from. Heck, about the only thing physical about me from my dad is dark complexion from his Native American heritage and my almond shaped eyes.

Looking closer, I saw that in each clover leaf was etched a rose, "Terri, did you know about how much the Rose means to me?" I asked as tears flowed down my face.

"Yes, I heard from your Aunt Debbie when she filled out a few forms after the press conference how you were a Rose, and how this was your bitter winter. The clover leaf is your heritage, its redness is the life you live while the rose in each leaf is yo," she announced as she wiped away my tears. ['Now I see the rose in her, may it soon bloom into a spring of hope.']

Then I knew that my being here had helped to heal Terri of a pain long past. I could easily be her in the future. I was being shown the pitfalls that I could fall inn so that I could avoid them and help others to overcome. Even though I was not yet completely healed, I felt better, as if the first rays of Spring were thawing out the bitter cold ground of my Winter to release my Rose.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 18: Reunion   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis:Kelly meets alumni from her old Alma Mater who know all about her journey. In meeting each, she finds renewed friendship and blessings in their return.

---

 
Amazingly, my mini-concert and confession sparked off a long sought for Revival. Many of the members had fallen away due to hurt feelings and a general malaise caused by devoting way to much time to work or family. Originally, the Church had a congregation of nearly a thousand until the split.

It started with former Pastor Linden Avery and his hatred of all those who he believed to be unworthy of attending Church. It came to a head when he condoned the attack upon Uncle Jonathan Moore. Uncle Jon was in transition to become a woman when he was attacked on Halloween Night twenty two years ago.

The outcome was that he died that night because the attack castrated him, turning him into Debbie. The resulting strife over the incident split the Church with Linden losing his Pastoral License from the Church. He later formed his own Church which recently was disbanded.

When Pastor Patrick took over, he immediately started a healing process that healed many of the hurts and gave the Church the Vision to form the Special Needs School for handicapped students. Part of that Vision was to Minister to the trans-gendered, so under his leadership the Church openly sought out and invited them to join.

At first, both the Church and community were reluctant, but when the Rainbow Fellowship merged with the Church, the influx of openly crossdressers, gay, lesbian, and transgendered ended the doubt merging eased the doubt caused by Linden's confusion.

Slowly, over the years, those who left were returning. They had all come back because they enjoyed listening to my concerts and the Pot Luck Dinner served after the Evening Service. Now, the hurt feelings were healed and those that had stayed home were returning. Best of all, those returning were bringing in others as well.

To help the congregation to meld together, Pastor Patrick asked for Volunteer Counselors to help ease the returning members into Sunday School Classes and form new classes for the now burgeoning membership. It took a while to properly train them, but after training, the new counselors were able to smooth any ruffled feathers.

Because of the increase, Pastor Patrick finally got the help he needed in Associate and Student Pastors who lightened his load and preached the Sermon at different Services, what made it special was that I knew the new staff. I had met them in my journey and when the Call went out, they answered the Call.
 

*          *          *
 
Pastor Patrick Thomas West became the Senior Pastor, preaching at the Morning Worship Service. He was finally seeing his Vision come to fruition. He replaced Linden Avery when he was replaced after hurting Aunt Debbie and started spouting bigotry and hatred much as his White Supremest father had done before his demise. Pastor Pat's Ministry started a healing and reconciliation that now was complete in many ways, now we had to tend the added members.

Joanne Constance West, Patrick's wife became the Youth/Activities Director, gladly giving up the position of Music Director. Joanne was the oldest child of her parents and helped her mom to raise her siblings. She found that even though she loved music, her Calling was to care for children. She earned her Youth Director Diploma and minored in music. Because the Church needed both, she became both Music and Youth Leader.

Peter Matthew Downing Senior became Associate Pastor in charge of the Evening Worship Service and Sunday School as well as operating the Counseling Center. He retired from being the Catholic Priest of the Rest Area Chapel. He retired to let his 'adopted' son Peter Downing Junior take over. His long tenure and viewpoint led to sermons filled with humor and insight. His long life and wisdom balances well with Pastor Pat's vim and vigor.

Mary Grace Angelo-Downing, Peter Downing's wife became the Nursery Director of the expanded nursery. Before, it was run by the children's parents. But with the increase, the Church hired a complete staff. In the Convent, she grew up caring for the younger children, earning her Doctorates in Child Development, and Child Psychology. Under her leadership, the Nursery became a haven of peace for harried parents. Mary's love for children helped her to become the children's favorite Nanny.

Teressa Marie Downing, daughter of Peter and Mary, became a Student Pastor and Music Minister. She went to Seminary to become a Pastor and Music Minister. She learned to play the guitar, organ, and piano while growing up as well as the violin. She, as the Pastor of the Children's Church with help from Julie and her spouse Mark, taught the children Bible Stories and how to be a good Christian.

Harold Oscar Branch Senior became the Truant Officer after retiring and passing the torch onto his son Harold Oscar Branch Junior. Going back to being a Truant Officer restored his waning youth as he got back to the job he loved. As a Truant Officer, he proved to be a grandfatherly figure who the students loved.

David Lee Hornsby became the Boy's Head Coach, but still coaches at the Community Center. His administration and leadership of the Community Center and creating a Special Needs facility for mentally and/or physically challenged, and wheelchair bound people encouraged the participation of Special Needs people. He led several teams to earn a Championship Award or Trophy in different sports and now would work his special magic on the student body. He answered the Call for his position to give back to the Church he loves.

Benjamin Joseph Adam Cartwright became the Fleet Maintenance Engineer. In the public school, he taught them how to build a car from scratch, and for a student to earn a passing grade, they had to be able to rebuild a car from scratch. In his new job, he keeps the cars of the congregation running for the price of the parts needed.

Doctor Isaiah Ezekiel Benjamin became the School Physician. With a student body of five hundred and several sports teams, he was a much needed addition. His extensive knowledge of classic and exotic medicine gave him a much needed edge. His use of herbal remedies and of holistic and traditional treatments helped students and their parents with previously untreatable conditions to get well.

Rudy Jacob Franklin became the Principal after retiring. He found that he loved his old job and became the Church School Principal, letting his daughter Francine Daphne replace him at my Alma Mater. He started out as the Truant Officer and because of his rapport with the students, was appointed as the Principal where his popularity and rapport helped to keep many of the common problems at bay.

Andrea Lynn Woods became the Art Teacher. Her skill with painting and puzzles led to her scholarship in Art. She went on to earn her Teaching Certificate because she loves teaching and art. She willingly retired when Julie and Johnny were born so she could raise them. But by the time she was ready to teach again, my daddy died and she dedicated herself to raising me and her twins. Now she was returning to her career.

Charles Tyler Woods became the Mechanical Arts Teacher. Even though he still loved to cook and create new dishes, he earned his degree in Mechanical Engineering. Under his tutelage, the students would learn: carpentry, electrical wiring, mechanical drawing, and plumbing. He believed in being self-sufficient and teaching it to others.
 

*          *          *
 
"Well Kelly, I must say that your concert and fellowship sure has caused an up-swelling in the church. We now have new staff thanks to you," Pastor Patrick smiled. ['She is so selfless that she never sees just how good she is.']

I bushed, "Thank you Sir, I am both honored and surprised that there wasn't a riot caused by bigots," I sighed ['Am I wrong to be worried?']

Father Downing hugged me, "Now why would they riot Sweet Child? You simply told the Truth during that Service. Who can fault you for that?" ['Does she still worry about Linden?']

I cleared my throat, "Because I am a girl born a boy, and there are those that frown upon me like Linden and his ilk for that. Why can they not be happy and accept me for who I am?" ['Glad that Linden is put away.']

Sister Mary sat by me, "Child, during that service, you became a bold witness to others when you told them about yourself. Before you, they had no witness to the fact that God Loves and accepts the Trans-gendered. Before we met you, Mat and I knew nothing about the trans-gendered." ['Child, you are indeed Chosen by God for a Special Purpose.']

I sighed, "So, I Blessed them by telling them my story. Until now, I've been afraid to tell others that I am as you said: Trans-gendered. To me, I am simply Kelly, no more, no less ,with pranking a must," I giggled.

A new voice spoke up as she came into the room, "Well, you can't get any simpler a statement on yourself than that except for God's 'I Am.' Good for you Kelly." ['Daddy is right, she'd make a wonderful Minister.']

She was a willowy black-haired beauty with gray eyes, "Who are you?" ['She's wearing a Minister's Robe, is she new to the staff?']

She held out her hand, "I am Father Downing's daughter Teressa Marie. I am a student pastor here with Pastor Patrick I lead the Children's Church." ['Too bad the Catholic Church doesn't have women Priest.']

I shook her proffered hand, "I always thought that it took a few years to get a posting." ['She looks like a female version of her daddy, good thing that she looks cute, cause he'd NEVER make a convincing woman.']

She blushed, "Well, thanks to daddy and a photographic memory, I entered seminary while still in high school. Being a Catholic Priests daughter had me learning Latin and Hebrew as well as a thorough knowledge of the Bible, just as my brother who's replacing our dad at the Chapel. We both are following in our parents footsteps," ['How many daughters actually work with their parents in a job that they love?']

"What about your mother? Is she here too?" [Sister Mary is a sweet lady. She deserves to be happy.']

Joanne, Pastor Patrick's wife passed me a plaque, "She is our new Choir Director, Father Downing is our Associate Pastor, Teressa is our Student Pastor, while I'm the Youth Director," she smiled. ['With them here, the load is vastly reduced. Now I can properly lead the kids.']

"And all of this because of ME? I am truly humbled that I have been such a Blessing. When I first became Kelly girl wearing that Tinkerbell costume, I never thought that this would happen," I declared

Then I silently began to cry as I pictured the outgrowth of the singing. For years, Linden had been a dark shadow upon the Tri-County area, spouting his message of hatred and intolerance on the radio, television and in print.
He was at first backed and supported by local businesses until he came up against Mister Woods and his fellow businessmen who boycotted the radio and television stations that carried his message who then dropped him, leading him to form his own church that was recently shut down.

He was the instigator of the attacks upon Julie and me and Aunt Debbie. But now, after all of this time, his message was ended and my home was safe from such evil. Oh I know that there are others simply biding their time in order to start spouting the doctrine of hatred and intolerance, but with such leaders as was here in the Church, they would be waiting a very long time.

Sister Mary hugged me and dried my tears, "Why the tears Kelly? Are you sad or happy?" ['We owe her so much, until she came into our lives, Mat and I denied our children. She showed us the joy of parenthood.']

"Because God made me an Instrument of His Will. How could I NOT cry tears of Joy?"

I was embraced by everybody, then Sister Mary wiped my eyes, "Kelly, when you were a child, you reawakened both of our hearts. Because of you, we had the courage to be active parents to our children. And now my daughter is here, my son has taken over his father's chapel and your Church is now Blessed with Ministers that love and accept you. If you ask me, you've always been an Instrument of His Will." ['Just as my children, they both have gifts and talents that Bless others.']

"Even when I despaired?"

"Yes, even then. When you returned to us this set up the Revival that you started. Just don't get a swelled head," chuckled Father Downing.

"Don't worry. If I do get a swelled head, considering how tiny I am, I'd probably float away on a good gust of wind," I giggled.

"If that happens, we'll sell arrows to let the archers 'pop' your balloon," giggled Joanne.

Under such leadership, Sunday School teachers became well-versed in dealing with and accepting others for themselves. There were a lot of teachers that quit the Church because of it as well as others. But for everyone that left, ten replaced them.

This led to an expanding of the Auditorium as the walls were moved so that the Auditorium could fill out into a complete circle. The Church was built as a large number 'eight' with the auditorium the larger circle with Sunday School Classes on the sides while the smaller circle housed the offices and the Tri-County Bible College.

Now, the college would become the new Sunday School Building on Sundays, and the abandoned warehouses became the Gymnasium with underground pool. The other warehouses were turned into a football field, baseball field and parking deck.
 

*          *          *
 
With the new leadership, the congregation grew in strength and wisdom. The crime rate became practically non-existent as youth gangs became positive influences that supported and helped those in need and helped to clean up the 'hood. The youth gangs transcended school districts, making them truly community wide in their influence.

It's not that there wasn't any more turf wars, they centered upon more peaceful displays of bravado thanks to the influence of returning sports stars to the neighborhood. Augustus Armstrong: Heisman Award winner from Alabama, Chris W. Bond: Olympic Gold Medalist in Gymnastics, Sasha Nexus: Olympic Gold Medalist in Figure Skating, and Angel O'Hare: Olympic Gold Medalist in Cycling returned after winning there awards to help the home Church they loved.

I was in the Community Center Pool when I found out about their return. I was just about to jump into the pool when a tanned, muscular arm latched onto my shoulder, "Do they actually allow you to swim now Kelly? I thought that you were banned after you added Jell-o to the water, came a deep chuckle. ['Still the red-headed vixen I see.']

I turned around, not believing it, "CHRIS! IS THAT YOU!" I exclaimed as I tackled him in a hug. ['My favorite gymnast is back. He taught me a lot about gymnastics and dancing.']

He set himself for a tackle after I yelled, "OOF! Careful girl! You just about put me on my butt," he laughed. ['She still knows how to tackle. Good thing I was ready.']

I jumped back down after kissing his nose, "It's so good to see you again! I've missed your classes on gymnastics and dance just like the cheer and dance teams do." ['If I had been a girl, I'd have been a cheerleader or dancer.']

He led me over to a bench and sat down, letting me sit in his lap like he was Santa, "Well, you were the only boy in the group, looks like you've joined the girl's team. I've always thought that you should have been a girl, and now you are." ['And a very cute one to boot.']

I blushed, "Thanks Chris, I always knew that you and your wife supported me, how’s your wife Rachel Anne?" ['I still see her in the old cheerleader uniform. She got them skirted leotards that are now used.']

"We have a five year old son, David Andrew and a four year old daughter Madeline Elizabeth," he smiled. ['We always have liked that story.']

"Who do they look like, you are Rachel?" I asked mischievously. ['Wonder if he'd make a cute girl? His wife looks just like her dad, and she's a knockout.']

"Believe it or not, David looks like Rachel with my eyes and hair and Maddy like me with Rachel's eyes and hair." ['I still can't believe how Blessed I am to have my children.']

So, we have an Italian boy with raven hair, and hazel eyes, and a blond gray eyed Viking," I giggled. ['Both kids are cute no doubt.']

I saw Rachel come up. She looked real good in her swimsuit, "Well Kelly, how's the resident Polly Anna doing?" she giggled as we hugged. ['I see what Chris saw in her now, Kelly is truly a girl. Too bad she never joined the cheer team.']

"Aw! Come on Anne! I ain't no Polly Anna! Not with what I've been through! But how I wish that I was her in a way," I sighed. [I can never be innocent ever again Lord! Too many hurts.']

They both hugged me, "Kelly, you've been through more hell in your life than most people could stand. Yet you’re still here, you overcame the trials and are strong!" said Chris with conviction. ['I would have caved in.']

"Kelly, when I found that I was pregnant with David, I almost aborted. But your gentle comfort helped me to become the mother that I feared to become. I thought that I wasn't ready. You calmed my fears," comforted Rachel. ['To think, a girl born a boy showed me how to be a mother, Lord, Your Humor knows no bounds.']

I kissed both, "Chris, that Hell I wouldn't wish upon anybody, and if not for the Grace of God, I'd have died long ago. He gave me the strength that I needed. Rachel, I am glad that I helped you to be a mother. But I too am a parent. Julie's twins are mine, She had my sperm saved and had them after she graduated," I sighed. ['I can never repay her for her generosity to me.']

They looked at each other and chorused, "DAMN!"

I sighed, "Pretty much how I felt when they told me. I was her very first love I guess." ['But Mark is her love now.']

Chris smirked, "How do you like being a Father? Expect a Father's Day card from them?" ['What a card THAT would be.']

I punched him in the arm, "No Chris, maybe a Mother's Day card, we have yet to decide whether or not we tell them. I will be their Auntie Kelly and their Godmother." ['I'll let momma spoil them silly, I can't deny her that joy.']

"Why not tell them? Practically everybody here knows."['Knowing the Moore gene pool, they'll be redheads.']

"Rachel, we will not volunteer the information, but if they ask, we will tell them the truth. We have seen how certain people react to me, how would they react to me having children by Julie? Linden would have a field day if he was free!" ['THAT Hell, I want to spare my children.']

They huddled together for a few minutes, and then Rachel spoke, "We will support you in your decision. You three have chosen the best way to raise the twins as far as we can tell. We know that you three will raise them to be loving children. Just be sure that you tell them about girls like you." ['Your story is a Legacy of triumph.']

"What? You mean green eyed red-heads? Yeah, we are very mean when angry," I giggled. ['Daddy never did get momma mad, nor grandpa granny. They knew better just as my friends do with me.']

"You know what she means you imp," chuckled Chris. [Good joke Kelly.']

I graciously smiled, "Yeah, I do. And we will teach them about all of the trans-gendered. As a counselor, I learned that I am a T-Girl. Until then, I never knew that there are others like me." ['Me a Cinderella became one of many.']

Sasha sighed, "Until I got into the Olympics, neither did we. Finding out about others like you sure opened our eyes. And Linden's attitude is unfortunately all too commonplace in the world." ['But seeing Chris in one of my skate dresses for Halloween was wild.']

I looked at him and thoughtfully, "So Chris, you're saying that I had it easy? I went through a personnel hell." ['In many ways, I still am, but I am enduring.']

Rachel took my hand in hers, "Kelly, you have a family and friends who love and support you, Very few TG do. Some of them have suicided, some mutilated themselves, some have been hurt or killed. Some hide away, afraid to be themselves. The trans-gendered are the pariahs of the world." [' May our support help at last one Lord.']

I looked at them with great conviction, "Then it’s MY duty to help change the world! I too am going to be a counselor to the TG community and their family and friends. Before my becoming a girl because of that doctor, I'd have become a Sports Star like My Johnny and marry Julie. But now, I can not ignore my Calling. My family I know will support me, will you?" ['So far, all have supported me.']

Chris smiled, "Kelly, you have my support. That's part of the reason that I came back. I intend to teach the kids in the Community Center and high school tolerance about the TG Who's gonna argue with a Gold Medalist?" ['Still like seeing those girls in their leotards and training with them, but now I have the fun of teaching them as my parents taught me.']

Rachel laid her hand on mine, "And as a mother and nursery worker in the Community Center and Church, I can talk to the parents about their children or nieces and nephews if they are TG as well as family and friends." ['Kelly hates it when others sing her praises, but she has become the Spirit and Soul of this Community. Without her influence, this place would be like most places, without hope.']

Then we got into having fun in the pool and were joined by Sasha and her triplet sisters Tasha and Natalie and their spouses. Natalie married Mark Henry Nexus, Sasha's Coach and Tasha married Simon Montgomery Dorcas, Sasha's manager. We had fun splashing around, sunbathing and grilling that afternoon and in general, reestablishing our friendships. After that impromptu party, we went back to our respective homes and slept soundly.
 

*          *          *
 
The next day, I met up with Sasha again at the skate rink where we and her sister and their spouses discussed the changes in the community and why they were back. She wore a black skate-dress with Danskin tights while my skate-dress was white. After we had skated for awhile, we sat and chatted.

"Kelly, are you truly happy with Johnny after what happened?" ['When she despaired, I almost quit skating to return and help.']

I sighed and smiled bravely, "Pretty much, we are friends again, but the shadow of the betrayal lingers on. [sigh] He can't seem to forgive himself or possibly afraid to hurt me again Ariel. And truthfully, so am I." ['Lord, when will we be at Peace?']

Nat came up with her spouse, "I know how that is, Mark and I went through a lot of pain until we found we loved each other, then our perceived problems went away." ['Thank you Lord for Mark Henry.']

Mark hugged his spouse, "Now, not a day goes by that I do not tell her how much I love her. Before, she never knew, now she does. She is my everything." ['Lord, I pray that Kelly finds her True Love. ']

I pointed at them and giggled, "Yeah, your fights were the gossip of the school because you two all too often took up the opposites sides in any discussion. I thought that you too would go into politics since y'all were in the Debate Club." ['And both still continuing their debates today, but more genteel.']

Mark looked at Nat with a grin, "Oh, your not wrong Kelly, I am running for Mayor, Nat will be my Committee Director. And yes, we are continuing our debates. But have come to the conclusion that in many ways we were arguing for the same thing from different angles." ['No wonder God had us fight, made us better equipped for politics.']

"I see, keeping it all in the family. We need your leadership," I giggled. ['They are so well known, they're bound to win.']

"Who better to be my running mate," Mark guffawed.
"True Mark true," I sighed as I thought about their leadership.

They both believed in fair play and honesty in all things. With them, there would be an end to the corrupt leadership. It all began during Grandpa's generation. During the war, women worked in the factories while the men went to the front. But certain elements had kept back some of the women's wages to fund their agenda and continued to do so.

There were attempts at cleaning up the corruption with limited success, but too many of the entrenched corrupt had tenure, so they couldn't be deposed since their positions were appointed. Once Mark was in office as Mayor or County Commissioner, he would appoint new people and impeach the corrupt.
 

*          *          *
 
I left the rink and went up to the cafe with Sasha, "Sasha, to get back to our discussion, I will soon have the final surgery. I can not wait for Johnny. I must not let him keep me from being me. I want him there for my surgery, but if he's not, I'll go ahead anyway." ['I have to Lord, for me.']

We sat down and began eating our lunch, "I am glad to see that you're going ahead with your life. You need to be complete. I hope that you don’t become like me, alone," she sighed. [' And wanting.']

I hugged her, "You haven't found another lady friend to replace her yet?" ['Poor girl, guess there truly is only one soul mate for some.']

She returned the hug and sighed, "Oh, I have. She's just a bit shy and all because where she comes from, we lesbians are ridiculed for not liking men, they think that getting raped will teach us how to be women. If not for Pastor Patrick, I would've never been strong enough to be myself." [' Thank you Lord for Pastor Pat.']

"Me too, please understand that I find it kinda funny that you like girls, but your sisters likes boys." [Would I be comfy with her if she wanted me?']

"Oh, please don't get me wrong Kelly, I do like boys. But after being deflowered and having it bandied about the school by my date Jeff, I found comfort in Diana. I just wish that she hadn't contracted breast cancer after graduation. I was there when she died and saw her go to Heaven," she sighed. ['Diana, one day, I will join you when my days are ended.']

I saw the tender Love in her eyes for a friend, not a Lover, "If you ask me, you still like boys. Diana was there for you and helped to restore your confidence. Heck, she was the one that made Jeffrey wet himself in front of everybody and admit that he did it to score points. After that, everybody razzed him and supported you." ['Couldn't have done better myself.']

She laughed until she cried, "Thanks Kelly, I'd forgotten about that. I guess that my love for Diane overrode that memory. Do you think that I'm a lesbian? Or am I bi-sexual? All that I know is that I felt safe with Diana and Jeff." [Kelly seems to be able to cut through the angst and find the answer.']

[' I'll let her decide. I'll just have to ask the right questions.'] "Did you and Diane ever have sex?"

She looked me in the eye, "No, we did cuddle a bit, but not kiss. It was more like she was my sister really."

I patted her hand, "She was respecting you and not pressing you into anything, she knew that you needed time and space if she had asked. But would you have accepted sex with her or initiated it?" ['Come my friend, you are almost there. But you need to admit it to yourself.']

She squirmed guiltily, "I don't really know. I am not experienced in sex. I had sex only that one time with Jeff. I wouldn't know how to pleasure a woman, and am afraid to mess up." ['Am I getting excited just talking about sex?']

I saw that she was fighting against the truth, "What if she had asked you? Would you have sex?"

She sighed in defeat, "OK, I'll answer. I'd be uncomfortable, but would do it with her if she were alive." ['I feel better admitting that. But am I bi or a lesbian?']

"Well, what about other women, are there any that you fancy or fancy you?" ['This will be the answer.']

She blushed as she admitted to her love, "There is one, she's the new teacher here." ['OK Kelly, you win as I knew you would.']

"Sephrena Lynn Miller? If so, she likes you. She has dated other girls, but she kissed you at the Homecoming Dance. You made a cute couple." ['They both have been lonely, both need that Special Someone.']

"I know, we actually dated before I dated Jeff. Glad she came back to here teach, she's always wanted to teach to honor her parents." [Good thing she's a Computer Geek like them.']

"Well, she's seeing Jeff, maybe y'all should get together and see if y'all would make a threesome." ['Will she accept the idea?']

She jumped up as if shot, "Kelly, are you daft? Why would I try that? Surely even Pastor Patrick would frown upon such an activity." ['Is she crazy! Has being a girl finally gone to Kelly's head as Linden says it would?']

I gentled her back down, "Please go to them my sister, they both love you. Go and give that love a chance."

"But isn't such love a sin?" she asked, her eyes full of fear.

"If you ask me, NOT asking is the sin. Maybe you girls can have a lesbian relationship with Jeff there as the father for both of your children or even he can be a husband to both of you. The Bible shows several men had a lot of wives and mistresses. The choice is up to you and them, Please don't waste it."

"But that was then, not now. I'd feel silly being a second or first wife. I do want to be loved, only I can't decide on who between them, and I am not a Mormon," she sighed as she shook her head.

"That's why y'all need to decide together. Want me to help?"

She smiled at me, "No, I can do it by myself. Thanks Kell for talking to me. I needed your wisdom."

"Me? I am not wise, I simply helped you to see what you need to do. You were ready to listen to somebody, it just happened to be me."

She got up and left and I went to the dance studio where I knew that Angel O'Hare would be practicing a routine. She had teamed up with her sister Maggie [The Kitten] Caitlin. Maggie was her manager/assistant, basically, she did what was necessary to help Angel perform. They looked nearly identical, only Maggie's wavy brunette hair was different from Angel's platinum blond curls and crystal blue eyes.

I entered the studio and saw Angel wearing a tan body stocking and Maggie in a black one with her customary cat's ears barrette. I watched as Angel danced to the Rose in a way that told me that it was about me. I began to tear up as memories came flooding back of my journey up till now, ending with Aunt Debbie's speech about the two of us.

Angel came to the end of her dance and smiled at me, "Yes, that dance was for you my friend." ['She has been through Hell thanks to Johnny, yet it has made her stronger. May she blossom and not wither before her spring.']

I blushed, "Thanks Angel, I never saw my life turned into a dance before. You captured it just right." ['Seems that song is considered my theme song by everybody.']

She led me over to Maggie who had a table set up with refreshments for us while she went off to give us privacy, "Well, I've been working with Sasha in putting it to music. We've both done it to the same song for you." ['She'll go real shy when the Dance Team does it at the Cheer Competition.']

I sat and sipped some water, "But why me?! I'm not all that special." ['Yet, everybody treats me like royalty.']

She hugged me and sat down, "Oh but you are my sister! As you know, I am inter-sexed. Only after puberty hit did I really become a girl. Until then, I thought that I was like you, a girl born in a boy's body." ['Being so naturally feminine made it easier.']

"Me, I always thought that you were always a girl, we were both in the same Health class and you wore the girl's uniform and were on the Dance Team. Those outfits would have shown a bulge in your groin being so tight. Me, my bits were hidden with pantyhose and bloomers."

She smiled at my compliment, "Kelly, the only part of me that was a boy was my penis. No gonads. So I was raised as a girl. The surgery gave me the much needed girl parts. If not for the surgery, I couldn't menstruate." ['One day, I will find my Soul Mate as she has in Johnny. I Pray that they Bond before it's too late.']

"Can you have children? I know that I want to be a birth mother." ['Even though I have fathered children with Juliet, I still need to be a real mother.']

"Yes, when I find the right man. And I think that I have," she blushed.

"Oh? Who is it? You have dated a few guys that like you, but all are married now," I smirked The Lone Lady no longer alone.']

"Constable Sebastian's son, Cornelius Rudolph. We've been out and there was a spark when we kissed at the end of the date," she sighed dreamily. ['So handsome, like his dad.']

"Angel! he is so HUGE! Can you handle him?" ['SHIT! I meant tall, not his jewels!']

"He is as big as Johnny, so ask yourself the same question," she smirked as she pantomimed a guy's manhood.

"I meant both are tall and muscular, NOT well hung you Minx!" I giggled. ['Set myself up for that.']

"I know, but I simply had to go there since you'd have done the same to me, she tittered. ['Kelly the Prankster still lives I see in her laughing eyes.']

"You're right about their endowments though, before I became a girl, I showered with the team after practice. Believe me, BOTH are very well endowed," I deadpanned.

"My God Kelly! If I didn't know that you're a girl, I'd say you're gay!"

"Gay as in happy, yes. Gay as in liking boys, no," I blushed. [Touché Angel! You got me twice in a row.']

Maggie returned wearing her customary cat's ears, "Angel, time for your soak and massage."

"Massage? I didn't know that you were a masseuse, although you do have chiropractic training from your dad."

"Whirlpool massage Kelly, I am a registered masseuse and chiropractor. Do you want to join Angel in the pool?"

Angel sniffed her under arms, "Come Kell, we both need it, we both reek," she giggled.

I scrunched my nose from the odor, "Got me any clothes? I didn't bring any clean clothes." ['Should have, but momma was doing the laundry and I only brought a few changes that she was washing.']

Maggie held up three duffel bags, "Yep! Good thing we three are the same size, want matching hose or let your skin breathe?" she purred.

"Maggie, I don't wear hose while showering or bathing you rogue! No catnip for you," I giggled

"Well, you have worn hose with your bathing suits both at the beach and at the pool. Have to admit that you did look sexy in hose," she smirked.

"Footless hose with swim dresses, always a swim dress or tankini, or bathing suit with matching skirt."

"Yeah, you made more than a few guys wet themselves when they saw you. You may still have your boy bits, but you are most definitely a girl."

I hugged her, "Thanks Maggie, I only lack what my surgery will provide to become a woman. But I still wish that I could be like you and be a birth mother, I sighed.

Angel looked me in the eye, "Kell, I believe that you will be one because of your Faith in God."

"Angel, where I am concerned, my Faith falters," I sighed.

"Then trust our Faith Sister! Both of us expect for you to get pregnant knowing just how passionate you and Johnny are!"
 

*          *          *
 
Knowing that the older alumni knew and accepted me as I am helped me to see that my choices were right. I knew that becoming a woman was right, but now I knew that being a counselor was what I needed to be. When they returned to help out the Church after the Revival caused by my Confession, I knew that I was well on my way to completing my Journey.

---

 
To Be Continued...

Kelly's Journey Chapter 19: Julie's Big Day   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis:Kelly is asked to be the Maid Of Honor at Julie and Mark's wedding. There, she is paired with Johnny, the Best Man. During this time, both receive signs that their Love is strong again. Yet, Kelly's Heart still remains broken.

---

 
After meeting with my friends, I went home to the Guest House where my family was waiting for me with the Woods and Mark. Julie was wearing a red sports bra and shorts with hose and anklets, momma and Mrs. Woods in black satin pajamas while Mark and Mister Woods wore matching sweats from jogging.

Julie looked a bit different and had a very healthy glow. I had seen that glow before when a new mother was with child. Considering how much they had been intimate, there was only one explanation.

"Hi Kelly, guess what?" she twirled around like a ballerina. ['Kell, you wouldn't believe the complete truth. If only you knew what I've done to honor you.']

"Do you know the sex of Junior yet?" ['The way that she stopped is priceless.']

Mark stared at me flabbergasted, "How did you know, Kelly? We just now told her parents and your mother!" ['Is Kelly some sort of witch? Knowing her, anything is possible with her.]

I blushed, "I saw her pregnancy by her super healthy glow, any pregnant woman has it. I am surprised that not everybody can see it." ['Now I get to be an Auntie.']

She punched him in the arm, "Told ya' Mark! Kell can tell when any girl is pregnant, the lucky Snot," Julie giggled. ['Never thought that I'd enjoy sex after being raped, but carrying Kelly's child seems to have renewed me. Will she ever be surprised to learn that her sperm was collected before she was chemically castrated.']

Momma cleared her throat, "Mark, you have told us, now it's time to tell Kelly," admonished momma.

"You're right, Mrs. Moore," Turning to me, "Kelly, Julie and I are to be married shortly to make an honest woman of her," he sighed and blushed. ['I am the luckiest man in the world! my fiance and her best friend are both girls that I love.']

Julie looked at me with her smiling eyes, "Kelly, will you be my Maid Of Honor?"

I jumped up and squealed and did a little dance, "I'd be honored, Julie. We've been best friends and girl friends all of our lives. Being your Maid Of Honor will give me th chance to properly thank you for being my Sister By Choice!" ['At least one of us is gonna be married. When will Aunt Debbie, momma and I get married?']

Mark gently kissed my forehead, "When Julie told me about you, I could see why she loves you. Ever since then, I have adopted you as my sister. Julie knows that I'd choose you if I wasn't hopelessly in Love with her." ['I see what Johnny must see in her. She deserves to be happy, but it's not up to me.']

I blushed, "Thanks Bro, when she found you, she found a True Gentleman! I hope that I will be as Happy as you two are!" I teared. ['Oh Johnny My Love! When will you be there for me? Or will I be like Aunt Debbie and never marry?']

Momma hugged me, "You will Kelly! With a Heart as big as yours, you'll find your Soul Mate just like we've found ours. Stu was and still is mine, but I have found comfort in other single men when the need became too great." ['Kelly is ready to know.']

"I have, momma, in Johnny! But I don't know if he still Loves me!" I wept. ['I believe that he does, but does he?']

Mister Woods picked me up and held me as if I were a child, "Believe me Kelly, he does! But like me, he is taking forever to get his head to speak to his Heart." ['that is one part of me I wish that he didn't follow.']

"And once he does, you will know our Happiness of our Hearts joined into One under God's Loving Embrace," advised Mrs. Woods as she wiped away my tears. ['Chuck, you were adorable when you finally proposed. My family accepted you and now my siblings and cousins are working for you.']

"That's what I want too Momma Woods, but I also wanna know about momma's flings with other men. I did not know that she could be such a bad girl," I smirked. ['No wonder she came home a bit sore at times.']
 

*          *          *
 
I saw in my mind their Souls as Roses. At first, they were separated, then as they found one another, the rose stems intertwined. Momma's Rose intertwined with daddy's pure white Rose, giving her's a golden halo. But when I saw mine and Johnny's the Roses were just beginning to reach for each other to become Complete.

I knew that they'd never join unless both of us could overcome the hurt between us. Johnny had to forgive himself before he could accept my forgiveness. I wanted him, but his anxiety over hurting me again was hurting me still. He has called me the Girl of his Dreams before his betrayal, and now he feared to hurt me again. He couldn't see that by trying not to hurt me that he was.

I still remember that night when we first sated our passion and each time since then. It was at the cabin that we sated our passion every way possible physically. Taking him in me anally was almost as good as orally. I even bled for him a bit, giving him his Red Wings which is a special way for a woman to love her man as he takes her virginity.

In my case, it was my gaffe's simulation of my menstrual cycle, not popping my cherry as he did in taking my anal cherry. But for me, it was just as good because my boy bits were practically not there after years of hormonal therapy had chemically castrated me. Now my ability to father a child was damned by it.

When that doctor injected me with hormones and gave me blockers and hormones when I was a child, he ended my life as a boy all together. I could take testosterone and become a boy again, but my gonads were removed, so at best I am a sexless eunuch.
 

*          *          *
 
I sighed, "I will be Happy when and if that happens for us, but unfortunately Johnny must also want it and I do not know what he wants," I teared. ['Oh, Johnny, I am waiting for you My Love! Please don't take forever!']

Momma Woods dabbed my eyes dry, "I know my son, Kelly, he Loves you as much as you Love him. But after that tragic night, he needs to find something to show him that it's time."

I smiled, "Thanks, Momma Woods, like my momma, you know your children." ['Wish that I knew her parents, but they died before I was born.']

She smiled at me, "Momma Woods? Does calling me that mean that you believe that you'll marry Johnny???" ['Will they EVER tie the knot? Chuck, Terri, and I have been waiting all this time, and Debbie, Joe, and Liz have too.']

I blushed, "In a way, yes! I am acknowledging that you and Poppa Woods are my Godparents. In doing so, I'm also saying that y'all are my fiance's parents," I sighed. ['Oh Johnny! Is our Love doomed? Or will you finally accept me?']

Poppa Woods started to chuckle, "But Johnny has yet to propose to you! Aren't you getting a wee bit ahead of yourself?" ['Johnny is unfortunately, letting his fear hold him back from his True Love. Will he lose Kelly?']

I stood with my hands on my hips, "True, Poppa Woods, but I want for him to, and in this way, I am letting him know that I am ready to accept. This way I'm not forcing him to do anything, but he WILL think about it," I smirked.

I turned around when I heard someone guffaw, "Watch out, Johnny! These conniving females will have us twisted around their little pinkies, I know one has me and Poppa Woods, and you're next old boy," Mark snickered.

Julie sat in his lap and wriggled seductively, "Well, do you enjoy being twisted around mine?" she purred as she stroked his arm.

"Every minute of it, Julie," he replied as his arousal became evident, leading to their going to her bedroom. Even through the door, we could hear their activities as they sated their passions until we left to give them their privacy.
 

*          *          *
 
As her bridesmaid, it was up to me to throw her bachelorette party. I had the help of both of our mommas to help plan it. It was the next day before I could ask for any help though. Momma and I were having breakfast, I was wearing a red skirt and top with tan hose and momma was wearing a green skirt suit for work.

"Kelly, what are you planning for Julie's party?" she asked as she sat down to eggs, hash browns and biscuits. ['Chuck has a place ready for her and Johnny to use, IF they use it that is. Hopefully Kelly hasn't chosen yet.']

I prepared my coffee with my favorite creamer. Nothing like butter pecan in coffee, "Well, since Poppa Woods has so many restaurants and our old place the new Guest House, I was thinking of one of them. The Playhouse is too small. Too bad, we had fun in there, growing up. Now only we girls can comfortably stand up in there."

She stirred and sipped her coffee, "Chuck has recently acquired the Tri-County Inn and is donating it to the Church as a hostel for the families of hospital patients to go with the Women's Retreat and Men's Retreat he donated."

I started on my breakfast, stirring my eggs and 'browns together, "So you think that Poppa Woods would want to donate it for the party?" ['I wonder what new place he has now? Will he offer it to Mark?']

She started on her's, "Well, the Women's Retreat was launched by hosting the Homecoming Dance and the Men's Retreat by hosting the Prom and Graduation Ceremony during your senior year, so he wants to launch the Hostel in style."

"OK. Those retreats have both helped the homeless and have helped to get them jobs. But what about Mark's Bachelor Party?"

"Same place and time knowing Chuck," she giggled.

"Tell Poppa Woods that "I" am the Prankster around here! He'll need my help to pull it off," I tittered.

She finished her breakfast, "I know that, Kelly. It's been awhile since we've had a good prank pulled, and this is the last chance to pull one on Julie before she marries. They'll be moving into Stu's old place until their home can be built. Will you help to prank her?"

"No." ['She ought to know better than that. There are two to prank.']

"OK, Please don't tell them," she sighed.

I finished mine and placed the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, "I'll help you and Momma Woods to prank BOTH Julie and Mark! Time he get pranked too," I giggled. ['Heck, I might just prank them all.']
 

*          *          *
 
I didn't know it, but Johnny was asked to be Best Man. Mark went to the college where Johnny was taking taking courses that would exempt him from math, and english, allowing him to concentrate on his college credits. Johnny was wearing his gray sweats, Mark his gold with brown jacket from Battle Star Galactica, his favorite show.

"Hey, Johnny! Thought that you were studying, not out jogging," he huffed as he caught up with him. ['Johnny is one tough cookie. He's barely winded.']

He stopped and sat on a nearby bench, "No, Mark, I spend the morning in the gym, then walk or jog back to my class for the day and clean up and change in the Teacher's Lounge, sorry about your being winded," he smirked.

Mark sniffed and sat, "Well, you need a good soaker. You reek something awful fella!"

He chuckled mirthlessly, "Always have after a workout. Have to bring clean clothes everyday or my dirties will stink up the locker room," he sighed as he remembered growing up. ['Not even Kelly could withstand my pong.']

Mark looked bemused, "Must've cost your parents a small fortune for you to play all of those games and practices. I know it did mine when I played."

He shook his head, "Not really, mom would chuck my stuff into a tub full of soapy water until time for me to wash my stuff."

Mark nodded his head, "Sounds like you helped out with the chores like I did to earn my allowance."

"Yep! Same here. Both Julie and I helped mom, we shared in all the work, no gender specific stuff for us. Our parents didn't believe in that bull. I guess they learned from Miss Debbie."

"I'd say so too. So, you sewed buttons and did needlepoint? I know that quite a few pro football players have."

"Yeah, mom and dad believe in being self sufficient. We even know how to service a car, and do house repairs, thanks to Kelly's grandparents."

"I'm glad, that means that I don't need to worry about your sister, Julie." ['Will he accept my offer?']

"Oh? Why? I know that you two have been dating, but didn't know that you two were so serious," he sighed. ['Looks like my sis is marrying before I do, and I thought for a long time that it'd be me and Kelly.']

Mark placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder, "We're getting married and I want for you to be my Best Man." ['Hope he accepts, because Julie has Kelly as Maid Of Honor.']

He was amazed and showed it by imitating a fish for a moment, "I'd be honored, Mark, but why me? I am not family," he replied.

Mark looked away, "My family lives too far away, and you're the closest one I have to a brother here. Because my dad was Career Army. That's why Mom and I never have had friends until he retired to Florida a few years ago." ['Mom, Dad, I'll NEVER betray my friends for you.']

"OK, But will they be here for the wedding, or reception? Dad will need to know how many to be ready for."

"I don't know, and frankly, I don't care! My family supports Linden's attitude and said that I dishonored them by helping Julie! Until they accept Kelly and Julie, they are not welcome in my house," he sighed.

Johnny threw a bottle into a trash can and shattered, "That's daft!! Julie isn't Kelly! Are they crazy?!"

Mark winced in sympathy, "True, but they see Julie as being just as bad as Kelly is since she is Kelly's friend, not to mention sister." [DAMN! Johnny is really pissed off about this, and with good reason.']

He turned to Mark, "And do they not know that Linden raped her? And what about his OTHER crimes?! Or do they even care!?" he spat.

He looked at him with tears in his eyes, "Johnny, they don't care! As far as they're concerned, linden does no wrong when he goes against the abomination of the hour. I used to listen, but NOW I know better." ['Lord, You have opened my eyes, what of my family?']

Johnny sighed as he released his anger, "And why are you not believing that malarkey? You were a part of that crowd before you met Julie, according to what you just said." ['He learned his lesson about Kelly. Will linden?']

"Yes, I was, I met Julie and Kelly after that ordeal and fell in Love with both of them, but Julie won my Heart. I was there to hurt hurt either one or both of them, but I couldn't," he blushed.

"And what about Kelly being the abomination? Surely Linden told you about that, he sure spouts off about it often enough."

Mark smiled, "He did, but the reality of Kelly's simple being Kelly broke his spell. She is more real than ANY argument can ever be," he sighed.

Johnny smiled back, "Yeah, she has that effect on you. I should know, she captured my heart long ago," he laughed.

['Time to go on the offensive with him about Kelly,] "Then why are you not with her? A double wedding would be great!"

Johny shook his head, "I'm not worthy of her Love any more, not after I destroyed our Love by betraying her," he wept.

Mark held him until the tears stopped, then wiped his eyes, "That was years ago! She's forgiven you!" ['These two Love each other, yet an old hurt keeps them apart.']

He looked at Mark with pleading eyes, "But I can't forgive myself! Because of me, she despaired and almost died! If not for a Miracle, she'd be dead!" ['I'm as bad as linden is, or maybe worse. He never betrayed a Love as I did.']

['Time to give him a shot of Hope.'] "Johnny, that despair has since been used to Bless the Church! Linden's evil has been healed by Kelly."

Johnny looked at him, with eyes full of hope, "Really?!" ['Has my evil been truly erased?']

"Yes, really. You've been at this track avoiding her. If you'd stayed around, you'd know that the evil you did was made a Blessing. That Service where you and Kelly reconciled," he sighed.

Johnny shook his head, "Sorry, Mark, but I can't believe it. That's why I'm going away. I need to find Peace so that I can forgive myself."

"Where to?"

He pointed to his sweat top, "My dad's Alma Mater, University of Alabama. Please don't tell anybody."

"I promise. On the old Alumni Scholarship Program?"

"Yeah, to become a coach. Sports in my blood."

[Got to ask,'] "What about Kelly?"

He sighed, "Right now, I don't know. All that I DO know is that things are not the same, and I don't know how to deal with things. THAT'S why I must leave."

['He needs to admit to his Love for her,'] "Why not? do you still Love her?"

Johny jumped up, "Of course I still Love her! Do you think that I'd be here if I didn't!? THAT'S why I must leave! I can't hurt her anymore!"

['There must be a reason.'] "Then why wait? She wants you."

He sat back down, "I know, but I am waiting for a sign that it is time for me to finally forgive myself. I know that it seems foolish, but I need to know that I am no longer able to hurt Kelly as I did."

"What sign is that?"

Johnny chuckled mirthlessly as a release of the pain in his Heart, "I don't know! If I did, I'd have my answer!"

"Well, I can't help you with that my Brother, I wish that I could, though," he sighed.

"So, you call me your brother, Kelly was my brother at first. We were an unstoppable team on the field, I miss that," he sighed.

Mark placed his hand on Johnny's shoulder, "Well, now you have a brother again."

"Thanks! Knowing that you are there as my Brother is like having Kelly as my Brother again."

"Anytime John, anytime. By the way, about being my Best Man?"

"Don't worry, I'll do it and throw you a Bachelor Party that you'll remember."
 

*          *          *
 
Julie's decision on dresses for us Bridesmaids was an off white sundress with matching accessories. She chose to be practical so that we could wear them more than once. Me, I wear mine to Church and garden parties. I've also copied the design and made other dresses for such occasions. I know that soon, I'll be more involved in activities that my wardrobe of my school days just won't fit. Too bad because the school uniforms are cute.

"Hey Julie! Here you have us in our skivvies and freezing. Where are the dresses?"

"Uh, right behind you, Miss Debbie! Sorry about not telling you ladies about the hidden closet," she smirked.

"And here I thought that Kelly was the Prankster. Looks like you have competition, Kelly," laughed Sarah Lynn.

"Who do ya' think put her up to it? This is our old Playhouse, and Poppa Woods did the closets this way to give more room," I giggled.

"I've often wondered where you got your tendency to pull pranks on everybody, now I know," observed Terry Ann.

"Oh? So my shrink doesn't like me pranking?" I pouted.

"Oh, I like them as much as you do, and your not fooling me, young lady," she tittered.

"Darn it all! I wasted a good pout," I giggled which set everybody off.

"Julie, why did you ask us three to be Bridesmaids? We are known to you through Kelly."

"Erin, you three ladies ere there for her when she despaired. And you will be the one to give her her wish to be a woman physically. She is my Soul Sister, I ask you three to honor her," she sighed.

"Oh, Julie! I don't deserve your honor! Not after choosing Johnny over you!" I cried as tears ran down my face.

"Kelly, I know, but you did it after you found that you were more girl than boy thanks to that wacko doctor. It hurt when I lost you as a boyfriend, but you've since then have become my girlfriend and sister."

"Girlfriend, eh? And her I thought that we were Soul Sisters all this time," I smirked.

"You're both, Kelly, and you just wasted a good pout too," she giggled.

"Oh well, you can't win them all. No doubt about my pouts," I tittered.

"Kelly, your daddy would be the first to hug you when you pouted, now you do it as a joke."

"Question is, Terry, who can out-pout Kelly?"

"Oh Granny! You wound me with your doubt," I snickered.

"Then do you need me to talk to Joe for you, Kelly?"

"No need, Mrs. Woods, I can," replied Aunt Debbie, which got all of us to laughing. Then we settled down to business.

"OK, ladies, time to try on the posh," Julie sniggered.

"Posh?"

"That's British for treasure, Mother."

"Well posh, tosh, or whatever you want to call it, let's see if it fits."

"Here, Erin, since you're so poshy," guffawed Julie.

"It fits perfectly! whoever your teacher is, they taught you well."

"Thanks Erin, I've made our clothes for years. Julie and Kelly know as much about crocheting, knitting, quilting, and sewing as I and my mom do."

"And this is my way of thanking you ladies for being there for me. Everybody has a dress, slip, overcoat, hat, and gloves. They're made to breathe with you and adjust for any monthly variations."

"Hmf! Only a lady would think about that. Men don't."
 

*          *          *
 
Later that night, I met with Johnny in the manager's office, We were there to arrange for our respective parties. Poppa Woods had Okayed our usage of the facilities, but not set the actual time.

"Kell, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to set up Julie's Bridal Shower, what about you?"

"I'm here to set up Mark's Bachelor Party. I guess that Dad wants both here."

"I have an idea, for the parties," I snickered.

"From your snickering, I'd say that you want to combine them."

"Yep! And after THAT party, separate and have the 'proper parties."

"Sounds good to me. You know, it's great to see and talk again. I've missed you something rotten."

"Same here, My Love. But it's up to you, you're not banned from being here."

"I know Kell, but I'm afraid that I'll hurt you if I'm here."

Then I hauled off and slapped him, "Let the hurt of my slap tell you that you are hurting me by avoiding me!"

"OK, Kelly, no more hiding, next time you might put some 'English' in the slap."

"Oh, Johnny! I Love you with all of my Heart! I don't want to hurt you!"

"Nor I you, but I can't get over what I did to you."

"But why? I've forgiven you."

"It all goes back to when you were Tinkerbell, I fell in love with you then, but you were a boy, and still are between the legs."

"Johnny, back then I was curious about being a girl, but when that quack chemically castrated me, I found that I wanted you instead of Julie."

"So, if not for that, you'd be marrying Julie instead of Mark. This is so confusing to me."

"Not to me, Johnny, I am a guy turning into a girl by choice now. I am hetero in my choice, like you and Julie."

"OH?"

"Yes, I prefer the opposite ex as my sex partner."

"Oh. That's what's confusing me. I still see you as a boy, not a girl and don't want to be seen as gay, not even to myself."

"OK then. Will it matter when I have the surgery to become a woman? Or does it matter that I will no longer be a boy?"

"Oh, Kelly! You have just now given voice to both my doubt and its resolve! NOW I see you as a woman!"

Then we hugged as we wept for the Joy of our reconciliation. I could see Johnny's Heart now shedding the scars of hurt and pain as it healed and started beating again. For years, he was dead inside, but now, his beating Heart returned Life to his wounded Soul.
 

*          *          *
 
The next day, we threw the party. Johny and I led out respective parties to opposite doors, and when we opened the door, they saw the banner, WELCOME BRIDAL AND BACHELOR PARTY and knew that we knew.

"Kelly! What is this?"

"Johnny! Why?"

"EVERYBODY, PLEASE BE SEATED IN YOUR RESERVED SEATS AND ALL WILL BE EXPLAINED," I announced over the intercom. Johnny and I led them into the room, but we went to the front where a microphone was.

"Yes, Kelly and I know about the plan to bring us together by her being the Maid Of Honor, and me the Best Man. You might have succeeded in duping if we hadn't both met the manager at the same time."

"Johnny and I met at the manager's office and decided to combine the parties into one. But after dinner, we will have the separate celebrations. Yes, we are back together, in a way. We have reconciled our differences."

"Yes, we have. So please do not try to force us together. I still have issues to deal with, but Kelly knows what they are, and is not worrying about us."
 

*          *          *
 
After that, the celebration got under way. The intermingling of the two parties let them mesh and get to know each other better. We all knew each other, but only by face and reputation. Now, thanks to Johnny and me, there was a pairing off as men and women found a bond that either ended in marriage or friendship.

In the Bridal Shower, we had fun watching as a very well endowed male stripper dressed as a football player gyrated to sexy music and slowly disrobed down to a string bikini that barely held his endowments. Looking like a very young black Arnold Schwarzenegger with blue eyes and roman nose made him very exotic. Needless to say, he made quite a haul in tips from us very grateful ladies, even the married among us.

When it came to gifts, Julie did very well. From my Aunt Debbie, she received a set of china with a 'Rose' pattern on the rim, along with matching silverware. From Granny, she got a set of cookware with a rose pattern painted on it. Momma gave her curtains, drapes, and sheets and pillow cases with a rose pattern. Sarah Lynn gave her a complete first aid kit with supplies and instructions on treatment of injuries. From Erin, she got a supply of herbs and spices with a guidebook on herbal medicine, and from Nora-Adrienne, a supply of protein powder in several flavors. Terry Volkirch gave her a supply of incense and equipment to use for aromatherapy, and Sasha Nexus gave her a massaging heat recliner. From Angel O'Hare, she received a therapeutic mattresses, from Maggie, a supply of massaging oils. Joanne gave her a family bible and a Bible study Library, Mary Angelo gave her a set of pictures portraying Jesus in the Bible, and from Teressa Marie, she received a set of pictures portraying Bible Heroes.

Julie really enjoyed receiving her gifts and she gave each lady a hug and kiss in appreciation for them. But it was MY GIFT, that she cried over. I gave her an album of pictures, Church News Letters, and news articles that were about the Three Musketeers. It chronicled our lives up to the present day with my writing my observations on the right hand page while everything else was on the left.

"Kell, where did you ever find the time to make this?"

"I started it in first grade, and kept adding to it. It was only after I went to live with Aunt Debbie that I put it together."

"Thanks, Girlfriend! This is the Best gift of all to me, it brings back memories of old times. But I am half expecting a prank from you."

"Not with something THIS special, Girlfriend! To prank would be to spoil the party, at least right now. Remember, I pranked everybody with Johnny," I smirked.

"True, I guess that you pulled your best prank yet," she wept as we hugged.

It was a week later that Julie married Mark. She looked splendid in her white wedding dress. Everything that she wore was white, and we Bridesmaids wore similar dresses, same as Mrs. Woods, the Mother of the Bride.

Julie had her Bridal Party all fitted with off-white summer dress with matching shoes, hose and intimates. She wanted for us to be able to be comfy and use them after the wedding. Me, I am still wearing mine to Church, and garden parties.
 

*          *          *
 
We were now ready for the wedding. It would be held in Pastor Pat's Church. I was happy for her and Mark, but my Heart still wanted Johnny, and he had yet to decide if he wanted me. I would soon make a choice about my life that would change me forever.

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To Be Continued...

Kelly's Journey Chapter 19: Julie's Wedding   By Stanman63   Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!   Synopsis:The wedding goes off as planned, and Johnny and Kelly receive signs that their love is still strong. Yet Johny still is reluctant to admit to his love for her. Then she learns about her siblings, and Aunt leaving to start a new life, leaving Kelly distraught.

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It was the next day at breakfast before I hooked up with Johnny again. I just had to know what Mark got from everybody. I wore Julie's Drum Major Pep Rally Uniform. It was really cute with its red top, blue shorts, white anklets and tennis shoes. The taupe pantyhose simply added to the effect because I could tell that Johnny appreciated what I wore by his very evident erection.

"Hello Kelly, why are you here?" ['DAMN! She looks HOT in that outfit! I'm gonna need a very cold shower after this!']

I sat down with my meal after pecking him on the cheek, "Simple, I want to know what Mark got yesterday, I know that Julie called you after the party. Now spill," I smirked. ['He can't refuse me when he gets this excited.']

He sat down with his meal, after adjusting his crotch, "OK, guess it's OK for you to know. Pastor Patrick gave him a rod and reel with a case full of lures." ['I still get excited when I see her, am I gay for wanting sex with a guy turned girl?']

I started in on my cinnamon oatmeal after the Silent Blessing, "That's cool. Mark likes to fish, and camp out. Now he can go to the cabin and catch bass and catfish. Good thing that there's a cleaning table outside for gutting fish." ['If only Johnny would try to make a play for me, I'd let him have his way with me, but HE must decide.']

Johnny smiled at me as he stirred his oatmeal after the Silent Blessing, "Yeah, and Father Downing gave him a hunting rifle that shoots tranquilizer darts instead of bullets." ['It's so easy to talk to her, as if my betrayal never happened.']

I giggled, "We both know that your daddy hates guns, that rifle must've been your dad's idea. Mark likes to hunt deer, and this way, he can without going against his wishes." ['Poppa Woods must have accepted Mark if he's making this effort.']

Johnny poured us both a glass of orange juice, "That's what dad said. And his son gave him a set of his and hers thermal undies and coveralls," he smirked. ['Julie never was much for camping out, but she got into it with Mark's influence. Will Kelly and I have that kind of rapport?']

I buttered us both a piece of wheat toast, "I can see her out in the woods, but in a fairy dress, not thermal gear. She's too much of a city girl." ['But with my living on Grandpa's farm, I'm used to being out in the weather now.']

Johnny drained his glass of juice, "Yeah, that's what she said when she found out. Dad gave Mark a set of mechanic's tools and garage full of different car parts." ['Mark has always been gifted in repairing cars, and anything with a motor. Now he can indulge in his hobby.']

I passed him his while I ate mine, "Mark sure is a good handyman. Ever since he showed up, he's been repairing all sorts of obsolete stuff and making them run as good as new. Grandpa has used him when he needed an extra hand on the farm, so I know that Mark's good." ['And Granny simply adores him too.']

"That he is. Coach Hornsby gave him a mini gym." ['Sitting there across from me is the Girl Of My Dreams, yet I betrayed that Dream. Will it ever come true?']

I sipped on my coffee, "Oh? Guess he knows that Mark was an All-Star Athlete in his school, like you were. Why didn't he use his scholarship?"

Johnny finished his breakfast, "Because it's from the church he use to attend, and he refuses to have anything to do with linden. And Police Chief Emeritus Branch gave Mark a set of martial arts weapons," he sighed.

I finished my oatmeal, and set my bowl by Johnny's, "Well, Mark needs to bone up on his skills if he's to be a match for Julie with her black belt. If he doesn't, she'll trounce him easily," I smirked as I placed our dishes in the 'washer.

"True, And Doctor Benjamin gave him a sauna," he laughed and shook his head. ['If she was a bit quicker, then she'd not have met Mark as she did.']

"Oh my! I can just see Julie and Mark in it now. Those two will become prunes with all the time that they'll be in the tub," I giggled.

Johnny wiped down the table and refilled our cups, "No doubt about that. Grandpa Moore gave Mark a shed filled with all sorts of tools."

I placed our dirty crocks in the 'washer, "If Grandpa did that, then he made sure that each tool was top quality. He has several sets of tools that he repaired and then set aside. Guess that he gave Mark a complete set and a shed to house it, probably room for projects too."

Johnny spread his hands, "Then Mark will be a handy man and mechanic, not a bad way to spend your time tinkering with things. Dad's tinkering is in the kitchen," he smirked. ['Why is it so easy to talk to Kelly even after my betrayal? Is my Heart ready?']

I giggled, "OK, I know you love his pies, but what about Principal Rudy? He's pretty good at grilling, even if he is stickler for good writing skills."

"Oh. He gave Mark a monogrammed pen and pencil set with stationary. And he got together with dad about grilling."

"Rudy was always harping about penmanship, he only gave those to students that passed his strict requirements in penmanship. And if he and your dad are speaking together, no doubt Rudy will go into business with Poppa Woods." ['Let's see if he notices.']

Johnny blushed, "Yeah, and Coach Cartwright gave Mark a set of golf clubs, said that Mark needs his own, so he gave him his old set." ['Poppa Woods huh? Either she has finally accepted dad as her 'POPPA' or is saying she's ready.']

I placed my hand on his, "Well, Mark might not be as good as Tiger Woods, but he sure can putt." ['Yes, Johnny, I am ready.']

He smiled and kissed my hand, "Augustus Armstrong gave Mark a free membership into the Tri-County Grid Iron Club." ['She wants me, but I am not ready yet.']

"Yeah, he'll like that, being able to play Indoor Football and joining the other spots teams will keep the athlete in him happy, but what about Julie?"

"Sorry, I forgot that she is included too."

"Kelly, [sniff,sniff] please, [sniff,sniff] I am not yet ready. [sniff,sniff] My Heart is still heavy. [sniff,sniff] Please give me time," he wept.

I hugged him until his tears dried, then wiped them away with a napkin, "Oh Johnny! [sob] I Love you with all of my Heart, [sob] and Soul! [sob] Only My Lord is ahead of you. [sob] I will wait, [sob] but please,[sob] don't take too long!" I wept.

Then, we went and sat by the pool, basking in each other's presence. After awhile, we got up to tend to business, but not until we went into the Playhouse and made love. This time, it was an equal sharing between us. Before, I was in charge as we sated our passion, but THIS time, it was a most beautiful sharing of our bodies, and souls.

NOW I knew the Love that momma and daddy shared, and why momma couldn't find another husband. Oh, she had found companionship at times, yet she had not found a new Soul Mate. She had lost herself in her new job in order to quell the longing in her Heart that had led to me staying with the Woods until I came to live with my Aunt Debbie, and my grandparents. Now, I knew how my grandparents, the Woods, and momma felt about Love.

This is what Johnny thought afterwards: ['I can't believe it! Kelly and I made love today! It was so natural, as if she was born a girl, even though I know that her girl's groin is due to her wearing a gaffe. It was almost as if she was a total woman, NOT a half-woman. Oh, I know that she is chemically castrated, and that what she has in her groin is for peeing.

But after listening to linden's spiel about Kelly being an abomination, I CAN'T see her as my wife! THAT is whats keeping me from proposing to her. It all started with guys in the school saying how weird Kelly was to dress as a girl, and if Kelly and I were gay. It got worse over time as Kelly became more feminine, thanks to the drugs given to her by that quack.

I can not,in my Heart, capitalize linden's name.He lost that right when he caused me to betray Kelly. He is the cause of all the heartbreak in our family.

But it all came to a head when linden finally used his disciples to get me to betray my Dream Girl! I should have resisted, but I let their bigotry, fear, and hatred overcome my Love for her. After we shared a most wonderful weekend, I STILL betrayed her, causing her to despair!

Even though I did physically fight them, and win, Kelly almost died in her despair, and it took her going through a Hell that I created for her for her to finally overcome, and start living again. She has forgiven me, but until she is finally a girl in body, I cannot forgive myself.

==========================================================================

A month later, Julie had her wedding. She had it in Pastor Patrick's Church with Pastor Patrick officiating. Father Downing wanted to, but he got to officiate at the wedding banquet instead. He looked amazing in his white robes as he gave the Blessing, and the Banquet Hall was all decked out in silver and gold drapes on frames to hide the basement class rooms. It was really the Church's Fellowship Hall.

Julie was gorgeous in her ivory gown that complimented her blond tresses, and Mark was the epitome of good taste in his black velvet tuxedo. I was seated at a table with Johnny who wore a matching tuxedo in navy blue while I wore a matching gown in cream.

"Wedding Guests, thank you for coming to the Banquet. Tonight, we celebrate the Marriage of Julie Marie Woods to Markus Leonard White. They met when Julie was looking for a Soul Mate, and Mark heard her Heart cry out. When they met, their Hearts merged and they found Love. After waiting to see that their Love was strong, they have found it to be steadfast and true. Tomorrow, they wed. May the Lord Unite them in Holy Matrimony and Bless their Marriage. AMEN."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the Wedding, I, as her Maid Of Honor, presented her with a set of matching bracelets, necklace, and earrings, "Julie, as per tradition, these gifts as Something Old from Granny Moore. She wore these to her Confirmation."

Granny spoke, "Yes Julie, I give them to you as a Confirmation of your Love and Marriage to Mark. May you two have as much Joy as we have in our Marriage," she wept. ['Seeing her here is just like seeing Terri marrying Stu. I can see their Love for each other, may they grow old together.']

Julie wept as we placed the jewelry upon her, "[sniff,sniff] Thanks, you two! [sob] I will treasure them always. [sniff,sniff] Granny Moore, [sob] you have adopted me as your granddaughter ever since you've known me. [sniff,sniff] You and Grandpa Moore are my only grandparents." ['Momma and daddy both lost theirs before I was born.']

Granny wiped her eyes, "Well, why not? Your parents and you and your brother adopted Kelly after Stu died."

Momma gave Julie a matching watch, Julie, as per tradition, I give you something new. May this watch help you to enjoy each moment of wedded bliss," she said as she placed it on her wrist. ['I also pray that you do not know the Heartache of being a widow.']

Julie smiled as momma placed it upon her wrist, "Thanks, Momma Moore, I know that I'm at the beginning, but I hope that Mark and I are as happy as you and Poppa Stu were, and as happy as momma and poppa are," she said as she hugged and kissed momma.

Momma Woods gave Julie a silver phoenix brooch, "Julie my daughter, when my parents left their home country of China, they felt reborn. This phoenix became the symbol of their new life in America. When I married your father Charles, my momma gave me this, so by tradition, I give you something borrowed." ['I plan to give her the complete set, over time.']

Julie smirked as Momma Woods placed the brooch over her heart, "Thanks, momma, I truly am a phoenix, I came through a bitter rape to find new life and love in Mark. Let the Rose be Kelly's symbol, although she too is a phoenix." ['Maybe we should both drive a Trans Am then.']

Granny gave her a gold belt with sapphire crystals embedded in the weave, "Julie, by tradition, I now give you something blue. This belt of sapphires was a part of my wedding dress, just as the slip is from your mother, and the gown is from Terri. We've each given you a part of our wedding dress to help launch you into wedded bliss. May you and Mark know both the Love of newlyweds and the Love of life partners and Soul Mates." ['I am so Blessed that Joe still Loves me as much as he did when we wed.']

Julie wept as she hugged and kissed her, while Granny wiped away her tears after buckling the belt around Julie's still small waist, "Thanks, y'all! Your precious gifts are from the Heart, and I will treasure them forever as symbols of True Love." ['Oh Kelly my sister! One day, you too shall know this joy. I pray it won't be too long.']

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Then Sister Mary started the Wedding March. The wedding was a beautiful portrayal of Love and Joy as Poppa Woods escorted Julie to the altar, I couldn't help but to cry. Here my adopted sister was finding her Soul Mate and mine was across the aisle from me, a distance too great to be ignored.

Fear was keeping Johnny and me apart, HIS fears of hurting me, and fear of me NOT being a woman! Why could he NOT accept my body? What kept him from me?! He had told me as much when I saw his eyes last time we spoke. I could tell that he still Loves me, but had to overcome his fears.

========================================================================

A month later, I was back at the Woods Estate, we were having our Annual Remembrance Meal to remember Daddy. We have it on the anniversary of his death. During this time, we each place our pledge to the Tri-County Police Benevolence Fund which supports disabled Police Officers and the widows of Police Officers. We usually donate several thousand dollars each year.

It was getting dark, and the Woods were tidying the patio up while my family spent time relaxing as we had prepared the feast. I was sitting by myself, wearing a sundress and matching hose when Mark and Julie sat by me, "Hey, Kelly, how are you doing?" ['Who'd ever believe that this beauty was ever a father?']

"Pretty good, Mark, I am almost through with college. I'm going to be a Counselor at old my Alma Mater," I replied. ['I was always happy there, now I can help other like me at the school and the Free Clinic in the Community Center.']

"Well, one thing for sure is that nobody will ever see you as anything but a woman." ['Even knowing her history, all I see is a woman.']

I hugged him, "Thanks, Mark. That means a lot to me." ['Can anybody see the boy that I use to be?']

Mark smiled mischievously, "Yeah, they'll just be sorry when you get the monthly visit from 'Aunt Flo'," he sniggered. ['Been a waiting to prank her, now I have.']

"Gee! Thanks a lot! You know that's impossible for me!" ['Is he pranking me?']

"I know that, Kelly, I'm just pranking you." ['I can see the laughter in her eyes. She's full of laughter like Jule said.']

"I scrunched up my face like I do whenever I suppress a giggle, "Yes, I can take the pranks as well as dish them out. Nice to know that you can prank with us." ['Wonder how to prank him back now.']

He cupped my chin in his hand, "When I married Julie, I knew then that you would be family. For a while, I wondered if my new sister was a freak, but now I know that you are no freak. You are a very beautiful woman of whom I am honored to call my sister." ['There is no hint of boy about her at all.']

I couldn't help but cry tears of Joy over what he said to me. Even though I had yet to have the surgery,to him, I was a woman, "Mark, you have seen my heart. I am a woman, just as much as Julie. She chose the father for her Love Child well." ['Julie, your gift of naming your twin son after my dad, and daughter after me is more than I can ever repay.']

"Stu and Lee may have been sired by an unknown father, but they are my children in my heart. I am glad that you will be their 'Auntie Kelly.'" ['My parents still think the kids are mine. They'd NEVER believe that Kelly fathered them.']

"I know, besides, who'd ever believe that I was ever a boy?"

"Thank you, Kelly. From what Jules says, you two are practically soul sisters." [' For my money, you two ARE sisters and best friends to the end.']

"Yep, we are sisters from different mothers," I blushed. "How corny could I get?" ['Will I one day call Mrs. Woods Momma Woods? Strike that. I already am.']

"And the prettiest Valedictorian ever," announced Johnny as he strode up.['Has she forgiven me?']

I jumped when I heard him, then turned to him and smiled, "Thanks, Johnny. How are you doing? I am still hurt, but I still love you." ['And always will, my friend.']

He looked straight at me with a tear in his eyes, "I am fine, can we talk, later?"['Please say yes.']

"Sure," I sighed.[What else can he say to hurt me? He already broke my heart.]

Then Mister Woods looked sternly at his son from where he was sitting,"Don't hurt her anymore, son, please. She is as dear to me as you are." ['I can see that Kelly is ready for more hurt.']

"Johnny, Kelly loves you, remember that. And remember your vow to treat her as a sister," implored Mrs. Woods. ['I don't want to go through that suicide hell again.']

"Johnny, Kelly is my daughter, remember that," said my Momma. ['If you hurt her again... Oh please don't.']

"No, my brother has suffered also, he won't hurt her anymore," advised Julie. ['Come on bro, don't hurt her again.']

"If he does, he is a fool!! If I was not crazy in love with Julie, I would make a play for Kelly my self," stated Mark. ['Julie knows that I fancy her more, she also knows that I would pick Kelly next. And she approves of my choice too.']

Grandpa touched Johnny on the shoulder, "My son, I know that you love my granddaughter Kelly. When you defended her honor against Linden and his followers, you proved it. But you also drove her to despair. Please, son, don't hurt my Rose. She is dearer than life itself to me," he pleaded. ['I promised not to hurt him, but what will I do if he does it again?']

Granny stepped up, "Young man, I know that she loves you, I can see it in her eyes now. You have the Power to hurt or heal her now. Will you help her Heart to heal from the hurt so that she no longer fears you? Or will you end your friendship?" ['I have done all that I can Kelly, now it's up to him.']

Aunt Debbie hugged him, "Johnny, I am like Kelly. I know the journey that she is going through. Like her, I am a Rose, but I have come through into a spring of hope. You too are a Rose. but your journey is different. Will you allow your Heart to heal and blossom into a spring of new hope? Kelly is ready, are you?" ['Only I can truly see their hearts, both are ready, but only they can choose their path.']

Johnny looked at me and saw that I was all to ready for more hurt. If he hurt me again, I'd mourn for our broken friendship and go on. I was stronger now and would not despair ever again. I had faced that demon and had overcome, thanks to the love of my family and new friends. Now the only question was would Johnny hurt or heal?

He sighed and turned to everybody, "Don't worry, I promise not to hurt her," he pledged. [After her despair, I'd die before I'd ever do it again.']

I saw the truth in his eyes and knew that he'd never hurt me again. I reached out and stroked his face, "I have to trust you, Johnny, otherwise, our Love means nothing." ['I may dread what you say, but I know that you will not hurt me again. I can see it in your eyes.']

Taking me my the hand, we went to a secluded spot where he made his announcement, "Kelly, I
am going to college out of state. I have a scholarship with my Dad's Alma Matter. Like you, I need to get away from here and the heartache." ['Dear Lord! I MUST leave her! I am deathly afraid that I will hurt her if I stay. Am I a coward for leaving?']

I began to tear up, "I am glad for you. This is your chance, go for it with My Love, Johnny." ['He needs his distance now I guess in order to deal with his feelings as I have with mine.']

He gently kissed my tears away, "I thought that you would be mad at me." ['Has she forgiven me?']

"No Johnny, I can't be mad at my best friend, I still love you as much as ever," I sighed. ['Too bad that we aren't ready, because he is the only one for me.']

"You mean to tell me that we are still the best of friends even after the cabin?" he asked, his mouth agape."Am I that lucky?" ['I still see her as my Dream Girl, but I need something to tell me that she is ready.']

"Yes, if you want to be." ['What will My Johnny do now? Should I get ready to call for help if he faints?']

Then he hugged me close and wept tears that soaked through my sundress, "Oh, Kelly. I thought that I had lost you forever! After I dropped you off home, I kicked myself for what I did." ['Hell, until now, I've done it daily. Now to do it for being so dense.']

Then I looked into his eyes, "Even best of friends get mad at each other, Please let's not fight anymore, but pranking is allowed." ['When and if he pranks me, I'll know that everything is back to normal.']

He looked far away, as if he was looking into the future or possibly a private dream, "Alright, but I am still undecided about you.THAT is why I must go away also. I MUST know in my Heart exactly how I feel about you. You are my Dream Girl, but I do not know if I will ever be ready for you. And by going away, I know that I will not hurt you. Besides, there's the old adage : 'Absence makes the Heart grow fonder,'" he sighed. ['This is what I need.']

We hugged and wept, wept tears of unrequited Love. When we finally we through, we saw our families were there, crying as well, "That's O.K. We are still best of friends. But I was hoping that you'd be there for my surgery," I sighed. ['Lord, only You can help me.']

"Me too, but my schedule will prevent me being there. But if I could be there without hurting my schooling, I would," he promised. ['Lord, please, let it be. Or do I sacrifice for My Dream Girl.']

Then he went inside as he cried over his dilemma as I wept over our tumultuous love. I was comforted by my family while Johnny was comforted by his. At that moment, I would have gladly welcomed my death, but the Love of my family was a balm upon my breaking heart. Then I felt a Peace that surpassed my understanding. Somehow, I knew that everything would be alright.

Momma came over and hugged me and wiped away my tears, "Kelly, are you alright?" ['Why must he cause her to cry so much?']

I looked steadfastly at her with the conviction of my resolve, "Yes Momma. As Aunt Debbie says, I am a Rose. Now it is time for me to enter the Spring of my New Hope. My upcoming surgery, I do for me, and me alone. Although I do want My Johnny there along with my family, the decision must be his and his alone." ['Lord grant me the strength that I shall need.']

Momma, my grandparents, Aunt Debbie, and I went into the Guest House. Momma and I and went to the kitchen and made a batch of peanut butter oatmeal raisin cookies with macadamia nuts along with spiced apple cider for our movie night while they went to the living room to set up the movie. All during the kitchen time, momma was waiting for me to open up about Johnny, but I was not ready.

I needed to deal with it on my own. I knew that Johnny was leaving in order to better deal with his feelings for me. He was still confused about whether he was gay for loving me. Physically, I was still a male, even though I was a woman in all but my groin. His confrontation with Lindsey was still hounding him, and until he could find peace about it in is Heart, he could not be free to Love me as I Love him.

My way of dealing with his going away was to simply wait as best I could. I had my new career of counseling to fill my days as well as helping my grandparents on the farm and volunteering with the Church and Community Center, but would it be enough? Or would I need even more to occupy my mind?

After we made the snacks and took them to the others who'd chosen the latest 'Godzilla' movie. They knew that I am a 'Big Daddy 'G" fan and did it to honor me. I am not the only fan though, Julie, Johnny, and believe it or not, Grandpa are fans too. We each have our favorite "Godzilla Pal," but love to see him trounce the guest monster(s) in the movie.

"Well, Kelly. What have you decided about Johnny?" ['She needs to voice her thoughts.']

"Aunt Debbie, I have decided that as much as I love Johny and want him to be here for my surgery, That I MUST go through it for me. I can not and will not wait for him. If I do, I may NEVER be complete. I am doing it for me and me alone," I sighed. ['Just as it should be after the betrayal I guess.']

Granny smiled, You've come a long way since you've come to live with us Kelly. Now, it is time for Debbie to leave." ['I'll miss my daughter, but she goes with good reason.']

I hugged Aunt Debbie, "Why are you leaving Auntie? I thought that you were happy here? And what about your shop?" ['Am I ready for her to leave?']

She placed her hands upon my shoulders, "Kelly, my luv. You no longer need me, but Mark and Julie do. I'm now able to be a mother and Auntie to a baby as I've longed to do. After this, I'll be ready for raising children."

"OK, Auntie, [sigh] I know THAT longing. I hope that in time, that you get to be the mother of your own children. Too bad that they can't come from you. " ['Just as I can't have my own.']

"Ah! But I can!" ['Now to share the good news.']

"You mean carrying a child from the implanted egg from your mother, or sister?"

She giggled, "Yes, I see that you've read the reports too."

"Yeah, I did. [sigh] But I still want to be a Birth Mother like Julie is. I'm not really jealous, but the longing is still there," I sighed.

"Me too, Kelly. Me too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, everybody met at the hangar housing the Osprey. It was a military version converted to civilian use. Mister Woods bought it from the factory because he wanted the option of carrying the compact cars which Julie, Mark, and Johnny drove, the cars were at the school already, awaiting them.

Its cockpit contains a pilot and copilot station and a door for each with a lavatory behind the pilot, small efficient kitchenette behind the copilot with five passenger seats on each side. The gangways are behind the last seats on each side with a cargo section between the twin rudders and rear wings. The main cargo hold for luggage is in the nose behind the forward radar/sonar/radio assembly. Fuel is contained within the main wing and under under the passengers.

We were ready to send them off to the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, "Mister and Mrs. Woods" Alma Mater as well as my "parents". Johnny was going to play football there as well as other sports. He was one of the very few athletes that excelled in multiple sports. Julie and Mark were going as well. Julie was going to learn Nursing as well as Childcare while Mark learned to be a Doctor.

"Well, you guys. I hope that you take good care of the twins. After all, this is their first flight on the Osprey." ['Mine to Disney Land in Florida with them was great.']

"Oh, don't worry Kelly. We have a studio apartment there on campus. And our schedule let's one of the three of us be there with the kids as well as your Aunt Debbie who's agreed to be their nanny," informed Mark. ['Springing this on her might be cruel, but her Aunt Debbie volunteered.']

I turned to her, "So! THIS is why you're leaving! Well, I will miss you Auntie. But the twins need you all the more," I announced as I hugged her. ['Now she can help My Johnny as he goes through the rest of his winter. Mine is practically over.']

"Sorry, Kelly, about the surprise. But until last night, I hadn't really decided. Part of my surprise is that I want for you to take over for me at my store with Granny." ['She is ready now to take over with Granny.']

I hugged her, "That's OK, Auntie. You've been teaching me about running your shop while I've been at college, guess that it's my time to learn how to fly," I sighed. ['Am I truly ready for Life without her guidance? Only time will tell.']

Johnny hugged me close and kissed me deeply, "The only thing that makes this bearable for me is helping to care for the Love Children by Julie. Seeing them will be a balm upon my heart. They both seem have your hair and eyes you know, with Julie's face." [Will she guess from that about her being the father?']

"Then you'd best stop them before they steal anything else," I giggled. ['Thanks Johnny. That silly joke is needed right now.']

We gathered together into a group hugfest, then the travelers boarded the Osprey and lifted off into the wild blue yonder. We stayed there, waving and looking at the plane as it winged its way to their destination as it shrank from our view. Then we gathered into our respective autos and and drove to the restaurant that Mister Woods had chosen for our get together afterwards.

Needless to say, we reminisced about our missing family as we imbibed huge quantities of wine. Luckily, momma had made sure that we had chauffeurs to chauffeur us home later so that we could get rip-roaring drunk. But instead of getting drunk, we remained stone cold sober despite the wine's alcoholic content. The absence of the others was too much for wine to overcome.

Instead of going back with Granny and Grandpa, I went back to the Guest House with momma. I needed time with her now, and I knew that she needed time with me while Granny and Grandpa spent time alone together at their old homestead, getting it ready for their expanding family.

They were ecstatic about their great-grandchildren by me and Julie and wanted to set up a Playhouse/Guest House for them and playground in the barn out behind the house. Grandpa had been using it to house his farm equipment, until it outgrew the barn. Now the stuff was housed in a bigger barn with added extensions.

The upper ceiling area was built to be the apartments while the lower area became the playground and garage. The silo housed the water heaters, generators and supplies. I had been there to help them remodel the barn and knew that the travelers would really enjoy their home away from home.

Helping Grandpa to work on the barn for them was a bit of a trying time for me. Before, any houses that I lived in were ready-built. Getting grungy as I cleaned out the barn as well as

I was in my room, weeping my eyes out when momma came in and hugged me, "Kelly, you're crying because of Johnny," she stated matter-of-factly. ['I knew that her heart would break as mine did over Stu.']

I bawled my eyes out as I soaked her blouse with my tears, "[sniff,sniff] Oh, Momma! [sniff,sniff] I Love Johnny with all of my heart! [sniff,sniff] My Heart is breaking now! [sniff,sniff] If THIS is what being in Love means, ['gulp] I don't know if I want it!" [Lord, where is my peace? Please take the pain away!']

"My child, my child. I know why you are crying! I too know about the broken Heart. Your tears will become tears of Joy in time. It is alright to grieve and mourn over Johnny. But can you give him up?" ['Is Johnny truly her other half as Stu is mine? Even today, I feel Stu in my Heart.']

"Yes, Momma, I can and have given him up, but I still want him! Will my Heart forever be torn in twain?" ['Does My Johnny feel the same way?']

She looked me in the eye after drying my bitter tears, "My daughter, before you were born, Stu and I had a falling out because I got pregnant with you. At that time, MY Heart broke until I learned to give him up. I still hurt, but thanks to my family, I could continue. Then your father returned to me. He was frightened to be a new father, but his Love for me and you overcame his fears. We never separated or fought after that. I still miss Stu. He was the best thing in my life until you, Kelly. Then I had two best things." ['May she know that too Lord.']

"You told me that before, you know. Why did you two not have any other children? Truth to tell, I'd have enjoyed being Big Sis to a baby Bro or Lil Sis," I sighed. ['Why not, Lord?']

Momma began to cry, "[sniff, sniff] "We wanted more children, [sniff,sniff] but due to complications with your birth,[gulp] I can not conceive again. At least you grew up with your best friends. Y'all are truly brother and sisters," she sighed. ['When will Johny and she get back together?']

"Yeah! We were the Three Musketeers. Now with Mark, it's Four Musketeers. He makes a wonderful addition too." Good choice, Sis.']

"Yes, your Aunt Debbie, Stu, Chuck, and Lynn were the Fantastic Four when we were younger. Now it looks as if soon, Julie and Mark will start upon the next generation of Super Friends," she smiled. ['Will she and Johnny start a family?']

"HEY! Don't forget about me and Johnny!" ['Is that My Heart speaking?']

Momma hugged me close, then looked me in the eye, "Now you know as I did with Stu, Beloved Daughter. My Heart knew that he was the One. Just as your Heart knows that Johnny is the One for you." ['The Heart speaks True. Thank You Lord, for revealing her Heart's Calling.']

"So, my heart calls out for My Johnny, does his call out for me?" Or does my Heart call out in vain? I can Live without his Love if need be, but I will be lonely." I sighed. {'I Give it over to You, My Lord. My Love for Johnny is Yours.']

Momma smiled at me, "Most assuredly, my Beloved Daughter, his Heart is even now Calling out for you." ['Kelly, be patient.']

"And that's why you still feel daddy in your Heart even though he's in Heaven?" ['May our Love be as strong.']

"Yes, Kelly. And when you spoke up at Father Downing's Chapel, THAT'S when I felt his Love for me again, in my Heart." ['Oh Stu, I can feel your Love for us even now! One day, Beloved husband, we will be together again.']

"Thanks, Momma. My Heart is beating again. Even though I miss My johnny, I know that he will return one day. Even if I am old and gray, I will be True to him. Although, the waiting will be a waste of since we can't snuggle each other if apart, I giggled.

"Well, there's always every girl's favorite substitute," she giggled back. ['Time to prank her but good.']

I pulled out a plastic sausage from my bed-side table, "You mean B.O.B.: Battery Operated Boyfriend?" I deadpanned. ['Gotcha momma.']

"KELLY! YOU VIXEN! I WAS GONNA PRANK YOU!" she laughed.

"Gotcha!"

After a pillow fight, we went to her bedroom and listened to a C.D. of Love Songs as we watched a video of a fire in a fireplace while we told each other about our misadventures in school. Then we nodded off and slept late, bonding as Mother and Daughter.

Kelly's Journey Chapter 21: Surgery By Stanman63 Edited By Nora Adrienne with Special Thanks To Terry Naut and to Heather Rose Brown for the Illustration!

Synopsis: Kelly discovers that Johnny is there for her surgery that finally turns her into a woman, and is there for her as she recovers from it. Yet he leaves before he can claim her physically which causes her to wonder about their Love because she wanted to consummate their Love.

Then Johnny gets hurt,and Kelly rushes to him, where she learns that she finally can control her passion for him. Upon awakening, Johnny confesses why he has stayed away since the betrayal, and confesses his love for her.

---

 
After that, I was scheduled for my final surgery. It was a month later, just after I had graduated from college. I now had my degree in counseling, yet, I couldn't counsel myself about my mixed feelings over my impending surgery.

Was I right to alter my body so drastically? Once done, there was no turning back. My real concern was over whether or not God Himself approved. So far, He had supported me in my journey, but I hadn't broached the subject of actually taking away the last part of me that was Kelly boy.

Was Linden correct after all? Is transitioning your sex against God's Will? Does God send you to Hell for being a girl in a boys body? Or was Pastor Patrick right? Does God accept us and love us even though we are so different? And why are we different? Why are there people like me? These questions weighed upon my heart that night, So I took two sleeping pills with my diet soda and went to sleep, hoping to find my answers.

I dreamed that I went to Heaven. I saw my daddy there, sitting upon a boulder as he was holding a red rose. He smiled as he saw me in my Tinkerbell costume once again, but now it fit my adult body.

"Come here, my daughter.You are truly a most beautiful rose," he said as he handed me the rose.

"Thanks daddy, Auntie Debbie has called me a rose, now you do too. Does this mean that God is OK with me transitioning?" I asked as I sat by him.

He smiled as he held me as if I was a child, holding me securely, "Why do you ask? Do you not want to???"

I pouted, "Yes daddy, I do, but ever since the wedding, the old fears have returned. I am still afraid that if I transition, that I'll be an abomination as linden says."

Then, I saw Jesus appear before us, "My Child, you have been given a Choice as to who you shall be! For you, as for my other children who wish to transition, it is NOT an abomination to transition. The only abomination is preventing you or anyone else from transitioning."

"What of those who are forced to transition?"

"Oh Kelly, those children are truly wronged! For them, I offer Grace to live. The true abomination then are those that hurt my children."

"Oh! Just as you told us in the Golden Rule to treat others as we wish to be treated."

"Yes My Child! Now do not worry, you shall be Blessed as you have Blessed others."

Then I awoke and found a single red rose in my hand. After I put it in a vase, I went to sleep. And that same red rose still lives today. I know that it was from Heaven. I have placed fallen petals from it in the soil of other roses and plants, only to find the soil enriched and the plants bursting with health. Any weeds or pests shriveled up and died.
 

*          *          *
 
I met everybody down at the hanger where Mister Woods Corporate Jet awaited us. It was a Cessna Citation 'X' with an additional engine atop the fuselage. It is a supersonic jet capable of Mach 1.5. Mister Woods bought it when his business went nationwide and learned how to pilot it along with the rest of the family.

Its cockpit is big enough for a pilot and copilot, with a small, efficient kitchenette on the starboard (right) side behind the copilots seat next to the cockpit. The gangway is behind the pilot. Then there is seating for six people on each side with the lavatories in the rear next to the cargo hold. Behind that are the fuel tanks connected to the engines and access-way to the engines with additional fuel storage under the passengers between the wings.
 

*          *          *
 
"Kelly, are you afraid to fly?" asked Momma Woods. ['She looks like a frightened rabbit.']

I sighed, "Yeah! Even though I've flown before, I am having the 'Jitters' about the surgery. I guess that it's because after the surgery, there's no going back." ['If only My Johnny were here.']

Poppa Woods hugged me, "And you want Johnny here with you, right?" ['Johnny, please be there for her, you have our Osprey with you.']

I kissed him on the cheek, "Yeah, but I must do this for me! I can't wait for him," I sighed. ['Are you happy there My Johnny? Away from me?']

My sister stomped her foot, "My brother is stupid for not being here for you." ['I can't believe that he's not here.']

I heard a titter, "Now, now, now Julie, that boy did defend her honor against linden," admonished momma. [Oh Johnny, don't let her down.']

"Momma, THAT'S why I am wondering why he is not here. We have since reconciled, and are now Bestest Friends as we were when younger. I was kinda hoping to resurrect the Musketeers, But I guess not," I sighed.

"Kelly, you can still have the Three Musketeers, just replace Johny with Mark." ['Those kids had fun as the Musketeers too.']

I sighed, "It's NOT the same, Granny! Besides, I want FOUR Musketeers. There were four, you know." ['Yet, I still can't help seeing us as Musketeers. Our friendship has withstood the test of time.']

Grandpa shook his head, "Lizzie Jane, could anybody replace Brian in our Hearts after that attack, other than Debbie?"

"No Joe, and you're right! Brian became Debbie, so why would Kelly accept Mark as Johnny's replacement?"

"Exactly momma, Just as there's no one to replace my Stu." ['One dad, My Love, we will be together again.']

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm boarding. If they want to be there, they have the Osprey," I sighed as I boarded the jet.

After we boarded, we took of and winged our way to Erin's clinic where I would be transformed. Below me, the land blurred into the sea as we winged our way to the island. During this time, I was writing down my Journey into my diary. I'd been doing this ever since I was able to write, and had transferred my diary to a a compact disk.

I decided to keep a diary after daddy had died. Now I know that you're thinking a kid so young can't write, but I can remember and draw.And when I put my earlier thoughts to pen and paper, I looked at my drawings.

Soon, I would no longer be a boy at all. I had already dealt with any angst over losing those body parts, now I was ready to become the woman that I was inside. And this would have never have become reality if not for that first time in a dress.
 

*          *          *
 
What I did not know at the time was that there was meeting in the cockpit about me that would reveal the depths of Love for me.

Poppa Woods entered the cockpit, and settled into the pilot's seat, "Dad, is Kelly alright?" ['Why can't I be strong?']

He looked at his son, and smiled broadly, "Yes, she's doing fine. I knew that you would be there, but not on board." ['My son has finally grown up! I'd get up to hug him, but I must get us up in the air.']

Johnny smiled, "I'm glad, dad. I want for her to be happy." ['But can I, especially after my betrayal?']

"Why don't you go back, and let her know that you're here?" ['My son is still scared of hurting her, even after their reconciliation.']

Johnny hung his head in shame, "I can't dad! I don't want to give her any hope to quash if I chicken out. I've hurt her too much already." ['Why am I still fearing her? Is my Love for her not strong enough?']

Poppa Woods finished the safety checks, "Tower, this is Woods Air 1, requesting permission to lift off." ['Oh my Son, soon you will be whole, I hope. You are almost there.']

"This is the Tower, permission granted, use the North Strip."

"Thank you Tower, lifting off."

Poppa Woods expertly taxied to the runway, and lifted us up into the wild blue yonder. then he banked left to gently change headings to wing our way to the island clinic. He set the speed to mach 1.5, and activated the autopilot.

Johnny looked at his dad, "Daddy, how can I be true to my Love for Kelly if I am afraid?"

"Johnny, you have been hurt as well. You need to seek your healing as Kelly has hers. Until then, you will not be ready for her." ['He's still dealing with his listening to linden. Even now, that bastard is causing grief! Will we ever be free of him?']

He smiled, "Daddy, THAT'S why I'm here, I need to be here to see Kelly go through with the surgery. Until then, I must stay hidden." ['Now I am ready, Daddy gave voice to my fear. I WILL be ready for her now, but not for marrying. At least, not now.']

"OK then, I'll take us there, that way, nobody else will know that you're here."

"Thanks dad! Good thing that there's a mini bar here. Otherwise, you'd have to go back to the kitchen, or have something brought up," he chuckled as he extracted two sodas from the bar, and two granola bars from the mini bar.

"Anytime Son, just be there for Kelly." ['Now he's ready.']

"Don't worry, I will be."
 

*          *          *
 

I felt someone sit by me, "Kelly, you look like you're miles away." ['And with good reason too. She's embarking upon a totally new life.']

I looked at her, "What? Oh, it's you, momma. Yes, I was thinking about everything that I've been through to this point. There's a lot to ponder," I smiled. ['Too bad I can't give her any grandchildren, but I lost that ability long ago.']

She passed me a tissue, "Such as? There's a lot to think about, my daughter." ['Kelly has certainly changed from the simple, fun loving child that she was, now, she's showing signs of the woman that she's becoming.']

I sighed, "Like the fact that this all started when I dressed as Tinkerbell for Halloween, when I was four. And that before that, I was wearing Julie's tops, and shorts too."

"Do you blame Lynn for your being Tinkerbell?" ['At first, I did, but now I know that she blames herself for that. But if not for that, our lives would be far different.']

"No way momma! I chose to be Tinkerbell. I could have been some one else, but I chose to be a girl." ['Now I make a very sexy Tink.']

"Well, I think that you were curious about wearing a dress. You were wearing girl's clothing, and wondered about the undies and hose." ['I know that Brian did, and it led him into being Debbie.']

Then a weird thought came to me, "Momma, did Daddy ever wear a dress?"

She tittered,"Yes, he did. When he was a freshman in high school, he dressed as a cheerleader for the Pep Rally. But Brian hid his clothes so that Stu stayed in girl mode all day."

I put my hand to my mouth, "Oh My! I bet that Daddy was furious at Auntie Debbie too, I giggled.

"Actually, your dad laughed about it. He thought that Brian had set him up, but good. And it also gave him insight into why Brian wanted to be Debbie." [Oh Stu,you were always our protector. Only you could get through to dad about Brian.']

"Was this before Uncle Brian's attack on Halloween, when he became Aunt Debbie?" ['WOW! I never knew this about Daddy! And, it somehow fits with what I know about him, but...']

She sighed,"Yes, it was. Stu almost went after linden then, but your grandfather, and then Detective Branch prevailed upon him, and Stu entered the Police Academy while they sent linden packing. Unfortunately, linden escaped, and left the district."

"Yeah, I know. And that bastard is still at large it seems. [sigh] Is that why Daddy was so understanding about me?"

She placed a hand on mine, "Yes, Stu was always open minded. It was to him that Brian first opened up to about wanting to be Debbie. He accepted Brian being Debbie, and helped your grandfather to accept Debbie too. But, until he actually wore a dress, he couldn't fathom Brian's angst."

"It's too bad that Johnny didn't wear a dress. If he had, maybe he'd know what I feel," I sighed.

"Well, in a way he does, Kelly." ['Guess that she forgot about it.']

"Oh? I don't remember him wearing a dress or hose. Are you pranking me?"

"No, Kelly. You simply forgot about him being Peter Pan."

Then I slapped my forehead, "NOW I remember! He did look cute then, and if his hair was longer, he'd have made a cute Patricia Pan," I giggled.

"That, he did. But even though he did wear what was basically a dress and tights, he never saw it as him wearing a dress as you did when you wore the Tinkerbell costume."

"Yeah, [sniff] That was when I began to see myself as Kelly girl."

Granny sat down as Momma got up, "Thinking about your journey, eh? Well, it's been quite a ride for you. Me, I knew that you'd have this trip to make one day." ['My son, Brian did, and I saw the same need in Kelly.']

I looked over at Aunt Debbie,"What exactly did you see in my then Uncle Brian? Is there some language that we share?"

"No, you both shared a primal need to be a woman. In her case, it was awakened in her early teens, instead of when she was a toddler, like you."

"You know, she's the only girl like me that I've met. I've met some lesbians, and gays, and cross dressers in the shop, but none like us."

She patted mt hand, "That's because your Aunt Debbie wanted to keep you safe from harm."

I was shocked, "But why? Why would meeting them be harmful to me?" ['is my Auntie crazy? Or is there a reason?']

"Kell, these customers have been hurt by linden. Some are physically scared for life by him and his cronies."

"Oh! And because of what I went through, she believes that seeing them would cause me grief because I had despaired," I sighed. ['Amazing! even now, she protects me. To her, I am her daughter.']

"Yes, Kelly. She is afraid that seeing them will cause you to lose your happiness, and despair. Please don't get mad at her for wanting to protect you, nor me for letting you know."

I giggled, "Don't worry, Granny. I'm not mad at all. I just wonder where they've been going ever since Auntie has left me the shop?"

"Ever since then, they've been keeping a eye on you, and have sent your Aunt any orders via the internet."

I blushed, "Internet, huh? So, that's why I kept on having to send out stuff in the van, or rather, you did. But why keep an eye n me? I'm nothing special."

"Kelly, YOU may not think that you're special, but, others do. Your family does. And these people see you as what they wish that they could be." ['Will she accept her new role, or reject it as too much?']

"But why me? Why not one of them?"

"Because you have overcome everything that has happened to you. They have been scarred in mind, and body. They need you as a symbol of what they can possibly be!"

I sighed, "Then let them meet me in public, and the store. THAT way, we can get to know each other, and I can help them with counseling too."

She smiled, "Are you sure about this, Kelly?" ['Yes, she has accepted them, and has become their champion.']

I placed my hand on hers, "Very sure, Granny. Now, please go and get Aunt Debbie, we have something to discuss."

"OK, Kelly, she's on her way, right now." she said, pointing behind me, and getting up.

Kell, I hear that you want to talk to me. May I sit down?"

I motioned with my hand, Be my guest, Auntie."

She smiled as she sat down, "No doubt your wondering about the store, and with good reason." ['I know that I'd wonder.']

"Yeah, why couldn't you trust me about seeing them? I've gotten over the despair already."

She looked sheepishly at me, "Kell, I was dreadfully afraid for you. But in reality, I was seeing myself in you. I was thinking about how I'd react if it was me. I never thought about the fact that you are stronger than I was. Can you forgive me?"

I hugged her, "Auntie, need you even ask? You've done nothing wrong. You were in your own way, protecting me. Now, how can I be mad? i just want to meet them now, that's all."

"You know that they think the world of you."

"Yes, I do. That's why I can more easily help them with counseling. I take it that they don't really trust people, right?"

"Yeah, that's why I hope that you'll try to counsel them."

"No, Auntie, I won't try to counsel them.'

"Oh! OK, I was hoping that you would," she pouted.

I giggled, Aunt Debbie."

She looked at me in disgust, "Yes Kelly?" ['Why is she giggling? This is NOT like her!']

"Please don't pout, that's MY forte."

"But you won't help them!" she spat.

"Auntie, I won't TRY to help. I WILL help them."

Then she tittered, and pointed at me, "Touche, Kelly! I should have known that you were pranking me. But even though I heard you giggle, all that I listened to was you saying 'no'."

"Auntie, I will do my best to help them. They've been hurt long enough. It's high time that they unlearn their fear. Besides, Pastor Patrick, and Father Downing both will welcome them into the Church."

She got up and buckled my seatbelt, "OK, looks as if it's time to land
 

*          *          *
 
When I woke up from the surgery the first time, All that I felt was pain, then I felt a strong, warm and vital hand holding mine. Who could it be? Most everybody had to return to the Mainland and work. Then all of my fears and doubts left me, replaced by the JOY that I was now complete and He was with me! I was foggy with pain until I felt a warm, strong hand holding mine. I smelled his musky, sweetness as he sat by my bed."Hello beautiful."

"Welcome back Kelly, My Dream Girl. I am here for you."

"Thank you Johnny My Love. Now my Joy is complete."

Then I went back to sleep, my pain strangely gone. I slept for several days while my body healed up from the surgery, and the swelling went down. Day by day, the area reduced in swelling, and the drainage reduced until finally it was a healthy pink, and no longer pained me.

I would awaken briefly throughout my healing to find my family and friends were there with Johnny. He was always there. Then finally, my healing sleep was over and except for a dull soreness, everything was alright.

I herd a chuckle, "Who is that?" ['Is that My Johnny?']

I felt a hand on my forehead, "Welcome to Life Kelly Girl! Welcome to Life My Dream Girl!" ['Now my doubts and fears are gone, yet I dare not allow myself to Love her until I have totally purged myself of all my bitterness and self hatred.']

I kissed his hand, "Thanks Johnny, but I thought that I was the Girl of Your Dreams. Which am I?"

He laughed, "That you are My Love. But now your my Dream Girl. Before, you were the Girl of My Dreams. Now that you are truly Kelly Girl, you are my Dream Girl."

I pouted, "Why can't I be BOTH?"

He caressed my lips with his, "You're right, Kelly. You are Both."

"I love you." [Kelly is now a complete woman. What little bit there was of the boy is gone now. I hid the fact that my college was starting late so that I could surprise her. Seeing her now as a woman has reminded me of her inner strength that never faltered, unlike me. Now I know why she is and will always be my Dream Girl. But will she take me back or have I lost her forever?]

Doctor Erin came in, "How are you doing, Kelly?"

"A bit sore, but other than that, I'm alright, I guess."

"That's good. You actually were asleep for most of your healing. Most of the swelling has gone down, want to take a look?"

"Sure! I want to see how my new plumbing turned out," I giggled. ['Will Johnny want to test it out?']

"Is it OK for Johnny to see it too?" ['She'll be glad to here my news, no doubt.']

I took hold of his hand, "Yes, it's OK for him to see. Johny is My Love! I did this for me to be a complete woman, but Johnny is my Guy." ['And only he gets to see! Only he has that right with him soon to marry me.']

Johnny caressed my face with his other hand, "Kelly, after what all that we have been through, for me to see you displayed is way more than I ever expected. Are you sure about this?" ['Because I'm not.']

I kissed his hand, "Very sure, Johnny."

"OK. I'm ready," he sighed.

Erin gently undid the bandages and as the air hit the area, the oxygen awakened the sleeping nerves, causing a tingling until the vaginal area was met, then shards of pain went out, causing me to gasp in response.

My best friend had come to be with me. He knows that I am now a woman. What started off as a Halloween tradition has become my life and joy. The journey that I took has been filled with many pitfalls as I arrived at this place, but now I have a final journey to make.

Johnny was there during my recovery time and kept watch over me as I healed up. He helped to change the pads and dressings and held me as I slept. He was taking his classes via the internet during this time and when I was finally ready, he left for college. It was near Christmas when I got a call from Julie. We had kept in touch and I had been her Maid Of Honor when she married Mark. Mark treated like I was his kid sister and when he found out about my secret, he accepted me completely.
 

*          *          *
 
It was just after my twenty-first birthday that I got terrible news. I was still living with my grandparents and about to start my career as a counselor for the trans-gendered at the Tri-County Counseling Center. I had won my position as Head Counselor due to my grades and the confidence that my teachers had in me.

I had just come in after a hard day, "Kelly,[sniff,sniff] I have bad news," [sniff,sniff] she wept. ['She still loves Johny, yet denies it in her heart. Will she declare her Love THIS time?']

I dropped my purse as I saw My Johnny hurt, "What's wrong Granny? Please not my Johnny!!" ['Please LORD! Let me tell him that I LOVE him!']

She hugged me as my knees went weak, "Johnny is hurt. [sniff, sniff] We don't know if he will survive the night," she cried.

Then my heart grew hot as my Love was rekindled, "I will be right there. My Johnny will know that I love him before he dies if I have anything to say about it!"[OH GOD, please keep my Johnny safe.]

Then Aunt Debbie came in with Grandpa, "What's wrong Kelly? You look as if your heart was ripped out." ['Only Johnny could do this to her.']

"Johnny's been hurt!! I have to go to him before he dies!!" ['If he dies not knowing, it will be my fault.']

She grabbed up her keys, "Then Ill drive you, you're in no condition to drive." ['Lord, Please let me get her there safely.']

"It's a good thing that I gassed up your new Mustang then. No need to stop for gas on the way." ['Lord, be with them.']

I hugged Grandpa, "Thanks Grandpa, that's one less burden to bear."

Granny handed us both a one liter Diet Coke and bag of chips, "Here, you two will need these."
 

*          *          *
 
Aunt Debbie and I were soon making 120M.P.H. as we tore up the freeway. About halfway there, we were pulled over by Constable Sebastian, "Well Debbie Moore, why are you racing? There had best be a very good reason, or I'll ticket you."

Then I exclaimed, "sniff, sniff] Constable Sebastian, [gulp] My Johnny has been grievously hurt! [sniff,sniff] I must get to him and tell him that I LOVE him before he dies! [sniff,sniff]" ['Please LORD, we need to get moving.']

Then his eyes softened as he saw my distress, " Drive behind me Debbie, I'll escort you to the hospital. Which one is it?" ['I do this for you Stu, you were one of the best.']

"Tri-County Medical Center," Aunt Debbie replied.

Then Constable Sebastian turned on his siren and lead us to Johnny. The trip that would normally have taken an hour, took only 45 minutes thanks to him. Aunt Debbie actually stopped in front of the Emergency Entrance and let the Security Guard park her car. Constable Sebastian had called ahead and arranged this.

Aunt Debbie and I rushed into the hospital where Johnny lay in Intensive Care. I saw momma weeping in a corner chair with several purses near her, telling me that the Woods were here too.

I rushed over to momma, "[sniff,sniff] What happened Momma?[gulp] Why is My Johnny hurt? sniff,sniff] Is it Linden again? IF IT IS! [sniff,sniff] HE WILL PAY! [sniff,sniff]" I cried. Not even Constable Sebastian could stop me from killing that bastard.

Momma dried my eyes with her ever present hanky, "No Kelly, it was NOT him, he died years ago." ['We should have made sure that she knew, but were too concerned about her recovery that we forgot.']

Then I remembered seeing his obituary one day in the Tri-County Herald, "Then if not him, what happened to My Johnny?" ['At least that nightmare is over.']

"Johnny was hurt when he feel off a ladder trying to change a light bulb in the pool side back at the estate. He landed on his back, possibly rupturing his kidneys, liver and severing his spine." ['Will she still want him?']

I saw in my mind the life that I would have tending to him, but it didn't matter, "How bad is it? Will I lose him?" ['LORD! Only by Your Grace can he live on with such injuries. In such a case, please take him home and not let him suffer such a living death for such an athlete.']

"We don't know yet. It is up to GOD if he lives," she sighed. ['She has just proven herself. Now for Johnny to see for himself.']

"Well, I AM HERE!! My heart awoke and nothing would stop me from seeing my Johnny. I know that if he saw me, he will make it back to me." ['Are YOU giving me this knowledge LORD?']

Then I went to see Johnny. He was asleep with tubes and wires in him. Here was my best friend looking weak and frail. he had always been so strong and virile. He awakened as I touched his hand, "Hello there beautiful Ange of my dreams."[She is here for me. Does she still love me?]

"Hi Johnny. I am here now for you as you were for me during my surgery, and I am here to stay unless you want for me to go away." ['I've learned to give him freedom. If he returns, our Love is True.']

He cried as he accepted my offer, "Kelly, you have been my Dream Girl for years. Ever since I saw you as Tinkerbell, I fell in love with you. Please stay and never go away." [Has she finally forgiven me?']

"Why would I EVER want to go away my Love?" ['Why is he is still fearing me rejecting him.']

"Because I rejected you at the cabin, causing you to despair and suicide. I broke your heart then and I fear to break it again." ['Such power over her I do not need or want.']

Then I placed a rose in his hand, "The past is the past. All is forgiven. You are once again my bestest friend." ['That old adage should soothe him.']

Then he smiled, "I never should have left you. And I have paid the terrible price for my mistake," he sighed. ['Now to tell her the bitter truth, if she is ready.']

"Then why did you leave me? Was it Linden? If not, I can't guess why!" ['We BOTH paid a most terrible price.']

Johnny visibly gulped for air after he had choked upon a sip of his favorite cherry-vanilla cola, "I was scared to death! I was afraid to admit to myself that I loved you. I was a virile athlete in love with what others were calling a sissy boy fagot. I was afraid that I was gay and only wanted you because you were a guy under the dress, not a girl. You had yet to have your surgery." [That is but apart of the truth.]

I looked into his eyes, "Even after I told you that I was a girl? I was wearing a gaffe that made a moot point of my gender, and hormones had given my real breasts." ['Now that gaffe rests in a safe, awaiting a new girl.']

Then he sighed and tears ran down his face as he confessed the most bitter truth, " Oh Kelly, if it was only me, I could have easily dealt with it. It was all those jocks that I trounced after that cursed weekend. They thought that you were gay for wearing those dresses to school and at Ronzi's and that I was too because we were best friends. When you left, they cheered." [That's the rest of the truth.]

I saw the grief that Johnny had gone through and knew that he was ill prepared to deal with it. Worst of all, his vain pride wouldn't let him come to me for help, "I never knew!" I gasped. ['No wonder he admonished me after the game where I first sated my passion in the backyard.']

Johnny laughed mirthlessly, "After I had trounced them, the coach called the team together and told them what happened. The team rallied behind me and thought that I had good taste in choosing you. Then the coach told us his daughter was like you." ['I should have told her before, but there was never time.']

"You mean to tell me that Tina Michelle Smith is NOT a born girl? She is pregnant for crying out loud!" ['If so, could I be a birth mother too?']

Johnny chuckled, "Yes, he told us after you switched schools. She is pregnant from her sister's egg, fertilized by her husband. She will have it by C-section." ['That's how Kelly will do it too one day, will I be the father?']

I fell back into the seat, "WOW! I never would have guessed." ['Is that for me Lord? Or is there more?']

Johnny sat up, and rummaged under the sheets, "Kelly?" ['Will she come back now?']

My mind went back to the hurt, "Yes?" ['Will he want to return? Will he hurt me again? If so, I will live without him.']

"I was wrong to have stopped seeing you. You are and always will be the Girl of my Dreams, even if the love is gone."['Now to see if she wants me back or if I have truly lost her forever.']

My heart started beating with a renewed hope, hope that our love was once again strong,"Why do you say that?"['Please Johnny, don't hurt me now.']

He got up, and knelt before me as the I.V. tubes snaked with him, "When I saw you after your surgery, I then knew that I saw a woman, the woman that you are inside. As I helped to care for you I saw a future with you as my wife, if you will have me that is." ['Now it's up to you. Will you let the healing mend our broken hearts? Or are we doomed to a half life of bitter regrets?']

I jumped up and danced around as I yodeled out my joy. Then I kissed and hugged him, "Oh Johnny, I have wanted to hear you say that for years!" I wept tears of joy. ['Now is my heart fully healed. I feel no pain, only joy. Now I have My Heaven on Earth.']

Johnny held my hand and brought out a golden ring with a ruby rose in its center, "Will you forgive me?"

I held out my ring finger for the ring, "I forgive you."

He placed the ring on my finger where I saw a matching ring on his finger, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

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