I took a look at the literature again. There were so many pamphlets, so many catalogues, so many testimonials. One of us was convinced.

"I think we have to do it. We really have no choice."

She kept emphasizing we. Like this was a joint deal. I guess it was, but really this was going to sincerely fuck me over. How did we get into this? If you really think about it, it should have been shouldered by both her and me. We both faced responsibility which was why we were in this mess, but really this was my fault. I acknowledged that. I acknowledged that immediately. I'm an asshole and speak my mind and have a short temper which is a bad combination for a relationship that needed repairs.

"How much again?" I asked.

"Jesus, what is with you and money? Look, we have to do this - regardless of money."

"I GET IT. Jesus you're a fucking HARPY," I told her a little louder than I was hoping for. She looked hurt, a look that looked now all too familiar.

We both heard the faint crying from the other room.

"Nice one," she said and I could hear her utter the word 'jackass' as she started upstairs towards the smaller bedroom.

I took a look at the pamphlets again and could see the message that the company was trying to sell us on. The metrics were convincing. 75% of couples remain happily married without therapy, without counseling, and without lawyers. 89% of couples in our age with a child also had a successful metric with them, but who knows what they're not saying in the pamphlets.

How did it go?

I looked at my phone and saw that it was my mom. I ignored it. My mind and fingers went back to the literature and I flipped through it and just saw happy couple after happy couple holding hands, hugging, and there were some that were bride and groom. It was cute and we were desperate. The company was called 'From Head to Toe' and made promises that were just unrealistic.

Just 4 weeks.

Challenge your identity... Challenge yourself....

You will emerge.

The money was pretty significant but my wife had started a job and we were pretty financially secure. We both were educated and could do our jobs well and were rising in our careers pretty well. We were lucky to be healthy and seemed to have our shit together, but when the baby came, we just weren't prepared. We were perpetually tired, miserable, cranky... just like the baby right? But we were adults and were collapsing.

We had never sealed the deal and gotten married and we had discussed it before. But we wussed out because nobody wanted to be in a wedding with a pregnant bride and now we just had too much going on and were terrified about making the wrong decision. Was it more important to get married? Nope. We had to repair this broken foundation.

Once we started talking to our friends independently, we got consolation and sympathy. My friend Will and his wife Molly were the nicest and came over and helped out and lent a kind ear to hear from my end of the deal. If you were wondering whether I had done anything fundamentally wrong like had an affair or committed a crime or harassed anyone, the answer was no. I'm a moral person and I love my wife... on paper. But in reality, I was beginning to dislike her.

Look, this is going to sound nuts, but we've heard of something that seems to work miracles. You're going to have to take a leap of faith.

There is absolutely nothing that can repair this. I'm going to have to get an apartment and we're going to have to figure out custody... this is so bad.

It doesn't have to be.

A few days later, we signed up for an online assessment and then the literature appeared and then the deals came.

20% off if you sign up now!
10% additional off with your referral.
Investing one month may mean a lifetime of happiness.

After a huge fight, we decided to again consider it.

My wife came down after about 20 minutes of rocking I could hear on our comfortable rocking chair that we had splurged on.

"Is she ok?" I asked.

"Fine," my wife said. She waited and then said... "she's fine."

She looked at me with her red eyes that were damp from some tears and she seemed like she was going to start crying again. Not again.

"Ok, sign us up."

My wife looked up at me and there was a glimmer of reconciliation that appeared. And maybe even the hint of a smile. So far so good.

We were both filling out clipboards in the stupid bright office. Jesus, why did the office have to be so bright and cheerful? We had taken a few hours from our day at the office to visit the local office of 'From Head to Toe' which was like a 10 minute walk from our apartment. It was on a really nice street with a few boutiques and the place was nice, minimal, and way too fucking bright.

"Is this being filmed in High def or something?" I asked her.

"Just shut up and fill out the forms. I'm sure they'll address whatever minute imperfections you might have."

She looked me up and down.

"Hey, I hope you know what you've signed up for. I wonder who is going to make the bigger sacrifice? I asked rhetorically.

"ME" we both said simultaneously.

We both kind of laughed and shook our heads. Maybe it was her that was going to make the sacrifice... nope, it was me. Definitely me and I looked down at my feet. They looked fine. I had on some nice white sneakers that I spent some decent money on. My girlfriend was wearing some clean converses and looked pretty casual with some baggy jeans showing that she didn't put in too much time into her appearance.

Luckily, the office (studio) was right near some cool coffee shops, a good mixology place, and some decent kind of cool bookshop/music places that looked like they could be fun to go to afterwards.

"Molly and JP? You can follow me."

I finished signing the information and I grabbed my coffee and followed my girlfriend down the hall. Along the hallway, there were different rooms that professionals were entering and exiting. I peaked in and couldn't see anything too interesting. It was clinical, but warm. The walls were painted in a funky blue color and the trim was white and everyone looked great. We stood out like weirdos.

The receptionist pointed us into the Oasis room. We walked in and she shut the door behind us. Thankfully the lights were dim and the room was as nice. Real nice.

There were three chairs, two on one side probably one for my girlfriend and one for me... and then one for Dr. Cooper. There was a a desk and an arc floor lamp that illuminated the areas above the chairs. On the walls were boring modern art pieces, but at least they tried I said.

We plodded over to the chairs and plopped down in a comfortable thud.

"How long you think we'll have to wait" I asked after a few seconds.

My girlfriend brought out her phone and just started looking at stupid TikToks. Flipping through and ignoring me.

"Hey," I said tapping her foot with mine. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," she whispered angrily. "Just regretting this whole thing!"

"Same here... let's get out of here before we do someth-" I swallowed my sentence when Dr. Cooper arrived right as I stood up to leave.

She smiled and held out clipboards in her hand and said "please don't stand up! It's so nice to meet you both," she said as she grasped my girlfriend's hands first with both hands and they shared a warm smile and then she said "It's so nice to meet you, too, James."

"It's JP," I said. "James Pierce."

"Nice name," Dr. Cooper said. "Strong."

"Yeah, well my parents named me after Henry James and I'm actually related to one of the founders of a company that has its foundation actually -"

"Nobody cares," my girlfriend said. "Nobody cares."

Dr. Cooper smiled and breathed a deep breath and sat down facing both of us. My girlfriend put away her TikTok.

She looked at us both and breathed again.

"Okay," Dr. Cooper said. "First of all, some good introductions. You've read over the literature and everything but you are in good hands. You are on the road to better people to a healed relationship."

"Or our money back?" I said with disdain.

"If I could legally promise to return your money if you're not happy with the results, I would."

"Of course," I said with a closed mouth grin.

She gave us her credentials and we walked about what brought us here. We talked for about 45 minutes and just talked about the process and reviewed the timelines. It all sounded fine and some parts I just had to mentally block out and just focus on the next five minutes. There was something scary about the whole thing that I just had to get out of my mind. like a bandaid. Like a bandaid. It'll be quick like a bandaid. It'll hurt at first and then it'll be over. And then the healing can begin. And who knows... maybe we'll figure it out. Maybe we'll work it out. Maybe we'll do it for Madeline.

"It's like going to the dentist!" Dr. Cooper smiled. "Nobody likes it at first, but then you realize you're a better person, a healthier person, and you'll recommend it to people who need it."

"Want to get started?"

NOPE

From Head to Toe 3. Moving Up.

We gathered up our supplies and headed to our separate rooms. The first day was pretty easy for myself and a little tough for Molly. Basically, the rundown is that one person would start from head and go to toe and the other person would go the opposite. From head to toe for one person and from toe to head for the other person. We randomly decided that my wife would go for head first and I would go for toe first. There was something terrifying about doing the head first and going downward.

Dr. Cooper was pleased and said that we made some splendid decisions. She gave us our week’s supplies in a nice FH2T Duffle Bags. Mine was cool and had some metallic sparkles to it. Molly’s was more subdued and didn’t have any flash or anything like that. She grabbed hers and I grabbed mine.

Dr. Cooper made a call and announced that we were ready. She instructed us to grab our items. Two staff members came to our door and we followed them down the well-lit hallway to a pair of rooms facing one another towards the end of the hall.

My girlfriend looked distraught as she faced the door and hesitated.

“Second thoughts?” I whispered with a little smirk.

“No way, asshole,” she said as she confidently walked into her room. I could see her removing her hair band from her ponytail and snapping it across her wrist and she shut the door. She tried to slam it, but it was a gentle close.

I headed into my own room. Inside a cooly lit room, there was a nice leather chair and a friendly looking Asian woman in her mid 30s who was rinsing out the basin with some soapy water. She had delicate features and on second glance, maybe she was of mixed race. She had beautiful porcelain skin and her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail. She didn’t wear anything interesting except a blue polo shirt.

She glanced over at me and greeted me politely.

“Hello, James,” she said. “My name is Nancy.” I didn’t say anything and she turned around to look at me. I could see on her shirt that it had the logo of the Head to Toe company. She looked at me and put her hand over her mouth. “Oh, sweetie, don’t look so worried! You look like a little lost fawn!” She came over and took my bags and dropped them to the floor and put both hands on my shoulders reassuringly.

There may have been some bags under my eyes and I had a good dose of stubble but I was confident that my face didn’t really look that worried. And if I were, I didn’t want to give it away. I narrowed my eyes.

“Look, if you think this sort of thing intimidates me, it doesn’t. I’ve spoken with my sister who is an attorney and we’ve read the paperwork and have done the research so I’m not scared. I just want to get this over with and get these amazing results.”

She looked skeptical as she dried off and finished her collecting and preparing her supplies, but she smiled at me like I was a baby.

“I’m not scared… I’m committed.”

“Of course you are, honey! That’s why everyone comes here. Now come on!” She dried off the basin and instructed me to sit down on the leather chair. I noticed the walls and they were pink and had no modern art on the wall… just a few framed pictures with flowers and a closet with a slatted door.

“I saw your wife in the hallway. She’s very beautiful.” She paused.
And a professor in art history!”

“She is not my wife. She’s my girlfriend.”

“Same thing, right?” she said not in a mocking tone, but almost like something a friend of mine would say to me.

“Well, yes and no.”

Nancy brought out a little satchel.

“Have you thought about colors?” she asked gently.

“Not really…I thought it’s Molly’s decision.

“It is. But she said that you could choose.”

“Really… REALLY,” I raised my eyebrows. I was dumbfounded. Was this how it was going to be?

“Yes, really. She said it was your choice.”

“Okay,” I said as I pondered what this could mean. This was fantastic! If I had choice about this, then this will be a breeze. This month will be over so fast.

“Okay,” I repeated excitedly as I settled down. “Wow.” Nancy rolled up my pant leg. On the request was to wear loose fitting trousers probably just for the ease of rolling them up. She motioned for me to raise my feet and once I did, she placed the basin beneath my feet and again motioned with a downward gesture to lower my feet in the bubbles. I could smell lavender. Or something floral. It reminded me of Mr. Bubble from when I was a kid. Fragrant but not too obtrusive.

“So why aren’t you guys married?”

I closed my eyes partly because it was relaxing having my feet in a feet bath. I had never done this before. She brought over a hot towel and placed it around my entire face and pressed down on my toweled forehead to lean back in my chair. Again, it felt professional and like I was in good hands.

Before I could answer. “There, doesn’t that feel better?”

My words were garbled since the towel was over my mouth and I knew my words would be obscured by the damp cloth that was thankfully cooling.

“Now, I’m going to offer you a nice glass of white wine. It relaxes a lot of people that come through here.” I could hear her walking across the floor and she stopped and something opened. I could hear her uncorking a bottle that was obviously already open. I was hoping it would be good. White wine while getting a relaxing feet bath sounds pretty awesome although I would have preferred a good double IPA instead.

She walked back and placed the glass down on the side table to my right. I started to raise my head, but I could feel her hand once again gently lead my head back down to the head rest on the leather chair.

“Not yet, let’s just relax while the bath softens your legs. You’ll love it.

I could hear a seat being moved right to my left. I heard her sit down and I could smell a sweet smell that wasn’t the bath or the Mr. Bubble. It was from her. It may have been her deodorant or perfume but wasn’t too bad. I didn’t know if I could talk, so I decided to remain silent until she removed the towel.

“Don’t answer this… but what do you think your girlfriend is over there doing? You think she’s having a nice makeover? No. She is fully, 100% committed.”

She stopped speaking and tapped her foot on the ground near mine. “She’s 100% committed to making this work.”

More tapping.

“And you… I would say you are 20% committed. I know which parts you are not committed to. I know it.”

Tap… tap… tap…

“I’ve seen dozens of dudes just like you, coming in here and expecting this to be a breeze while their partners are in it. These dudes get what they got coming to them… in a good way. You see, you may be an asshole. You may be a cheater. You may be a moron. You may be a racist. I have no idea. We just met.”

Tap… tap… and then it stopped.

“But people who come in here are different. They are willing to have faith that two people can work things out. To reconnect, to meet each other halfway, to have what we call…”

And she leaned in closely right against my left ear. I could feel one of a loose strand of her hair that passed by my ear.

“Empathy.”

She firmly took the towel and held it down around my face and then draped it off of my face while rubbing the skin of my nose. The cool air hit my face and it felt good. I touched my nose and it felt clean and refreshed. In fact, I felt clean and refreshed.

“You get me?” she asked.

“I get you,” I told her. I thought about what she had said and what my wife was going through right now and I thought about fairness and about sacrifice and commitment and about inner strength. My inner strength.

I looked down and I said, “Do you have anything in pink? PALE pink…”

What followed that conversation was a flurry of discussion about what colors meant. What different tones meant. What names had meant. What were colors anyway? I was so confused.

“Calm down, dude. To some women, this is a science. For some women, everything sets the tone with the toes. You get dressed from toe to head, so it makes sense to really put a lot of thought into toe color.

“Look, to me it makes no difference so I don’t care. Just pick a color and go with it. The bath water is starting to go cold anyway.”

“Stop worrying about that.” She motioned for me to pick my feet up and she toweled them off. She put on some pink gloves and got to work on my feet.

It was disgusting watching her go to town on my dead skin cells. With just a few heavy rubs, she was able to remove a good layer of white skin cells from my feet.

As she continued her job, we made a little small talk and I thought about colors as best I could.

“So how am I doing?” I wanted to know.

“Compared to what?”

“You know… to other dudes who come in here. I must be totally different from every other guy who comes in here.” I was cool and comfortable in my own skin… even as it was being sloughed off from my feet.

“Well, I basically think that everyone is the same. We all have a good idea of who we are and we either base our personalities around how we perceive ourselves or we base our appearance around our identity.”

“I know, but…” I paused to think about how to ask this gracefully. “Well, how do things start to change? I know that there is the basic idea that as we start to progress from toe to head or head to toe or whatever, that there are seeds that get planted and that –“

“Yeah yeah, that’s all in the brochure. ‘Seeds of growth that spring into shared roots,’ right?”

“I remember reading that.”

“Everyone does… well, all the guys do,” she said. She rinsed off my feet in the basin and after, she brought one of my clean and now slightly red feet on the edge of the bath. She got an emory board and started doing something to my toenails. Wasn’t sure. It didn’t feel good but it didn’t hurt either.

“So colors, let’s talk about colors,” she went on.

“Yes, colors. Let’s discuss colors,” I mocked. “Just choose for me, will ya? And make me look good or whatever. Well, make me look like a good guy for my girlfriend.”

“It doesn’t work that way. This is supposed to take thought and consideration. It has to be personal. It has to be you. You have to decide on what you want.”

“I don’t know how to say this, but I really don’t care. It’s just a color. Blue pink, purple, orange, white, yellow, green, gray, black, polka dot,” her head dotted up as if I said something interesting.

“Polka dot?” she asked inquisitively. “That one might be hard.”

In my head I couldn’t imagine having polka dot colored feet.

“Well forget about polka dots then… just give me pale pink. Pale pink. Just girly enough, but too girly right?”

“Well, since you love pamphlets and research, here you go.” She reached under my chair and brought out a good 25 page small booklet and handed it to me. L’Oreal Nail Colors.

I looked in it. Holy shit. What was the difference between ‘Pink Moon’ and ‘Sunrise Brunch’ and ‘Chiffon-d of You’. They all looked pale pink to me. I ignored colors that made reference to boys.

“Here’s one, ‘topless and barefoot.’” Good name,” I said. “Or what about ‘It’s raining men?’ Is that ironic or something? Ooh I like Madison Avenue Strut.”

“Those are all good ones, but again, they are not YOU.” She got up and rubbed my feet with some oil that again felt good but unnecessary.

I was getting frustrated. “Well, I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do.”

“Ok. She got up and dimmed the lights and turned on a sound machine that had a nice sound of crashing waves. “You’re going to want to close your eyes again, but this will be quick and painless and you’ll have a color in the end, I promise.”

Sounds reasonable. “Okay, fine.”

“Okay here goes,” she paused and I heard the clicking of an iphone. I think she was reading from a script – I had read a review that mentioned that there were some guides that the staff ended up using for clients.

“Imagine it’s 3 weeks from now. You’re on vacation. It’s just you and your girlfriend. The sand is white and warm but not too hot. In fact, there’s a good breeze there. There’s a blanket big enough for both of you and picture this, there is no sand on the blanket. It’s just you and your girlfriend. She is there and smiling and wearing a bathing suit. You’re also wearing a bathing suit. And you guys are happy and a great couple. You have a mai tai in your hand a straw that you’re sipping out of. There is some lipstick on the straw but you don’t mind. The breeze is nice and it prevents you from getting too sweaty and too sandy. You start to stretch and your arm wraps around Molly and she leans her head into your chest. You share a laugh. You have what is called an intimate moment. You are relaxed. The breeze gets a little cooler as the sun starts to descend. It’s getting a little chilly and Molly notices that you’re getting cold. She can tell by your goose bumps that are showing up on your arms, your tummy, and your legs.”

I blushed a little when she said tummy. It was cute.

“She gets you a linen blanket and drapes it around your legs. It’s not a warm blanket but it’s all you’ve got from getting too chilly. You decide to get up and take a walk in the sun before the sun sets immediately. You get your light sweater you brought with you, your sunhat, and you grab your sandals, and you put them on. You look down at your feet once you get your sandals on…”

“Okay,” I say.

“What color are your toes?”

“I don’t know, they’re covered up,” I sputtered. I was confused but in my mind I can’t picture the toe color. I was getting frantic. What the fuck was wrong with me? “I can’t see any fucking color!” It was true.

“Shhh… don’t tremble. It’s ok. I’ll walk you through this.”

My heart started to race in a bad way. I think I was failing everything – that if I couldn’t do this right, then it was all for nothing. I might be the first failure. No no… commitment!

“Just keep closing your eyes, sweetheart. Ok, the sun is beginning to set and you just want to take off your sandals and walk towards the shore to say one last goodbye to the ocean before you go into your bungalow and have a romantic dinner before having sharing a bottle of champagne. You are enjoying your walk but want to take off your sandals.”

In my mind, an image starts to form.

Ok, things are getting a little nuts.

“What champagne are we going to have?” I ask.

“Shut the fuck up. Bollinger 1973, ok? Happy? Are you excited?”

“I am, but I think I’m tired or something. Why else would I take off my sandals to just go walking in the beach?”

“Ok, please just pay attention. You are carrying your sandals over to the water and saying goodbye. Just walk gently over to the shore.”

“Ok, I am getting an image in my head. I’m not sure where we are going with this.”

“Just picture… sandals off, end of the day beach, relaxing, heading to shore.

“Uh huh…”

“Sandals or shoes off, you decide to sit down. You put your sandals right by your beach bag.”

“You recline in the sun to enjoy the last ounce of sunlight yet. You still don’t see your toes, do you?”

“Nope, still not toe color. Apparently, I don’t care about sandal color either.”

“Don’t worry. You draw your feet up slowly.”

“Still waiting on color.”

“Shut the fuck up. Ok finally take a look at your toes.”

An image flashes before my eyes and suddenly just like that my eyes fluttered open and I said “I saw the color.”

“What color was it?”

“You’re going to kill me… but I think it was pale pink.”

Chapter 5. What’s so different?

“No peeking!”

I covered by eyes with both hands and pretended to be excited. “Can’t wait!” I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I can’t imagine that Nancy would have improved my feet that much. I guess a little touch up would be nice considering that there was almost 30 years of wear and tear on my feet. Broken toes, callouses. Whatever.

“This is my job, you know,” she said as she was cleaning up and carefully placed something on my feet.

“I know! And you’re doing a great job. So far, I’m not screaming and throwing a tantrum… although it did come close.”

“Drumroll please!” and she began to throttle her tongue.

Get this over with please.

“And… VOILA!”

I looked down.

“Um… hello - there are some things that are blocking the way.”

She smiled knowingly and said “Oh, oopsie! My bad,” and she brushed the pink rose petals and other flowers that were obscuring my toes.

I looked down and saw one remaining flower.

I flicked it away. Ok, so I have pink toes. Big deal.

“What do you think?” she asked. “Is it a good start?”

“It’s a great start. I love it,” I lied. “Ok, step 1 down and now step 2.”

“Nope, it’s all a process just like it was explained to you.” I sunk down in my chair disappointingly. “I’m just going to give you some moisturizer and a bottle for your reference in case you would like a second coat… or just need a reminder of what color you chose.”

“You mean, what color I was FORCED to choose.”

“Give me a break. Nobody made you choose… what’s the name of the color?” she took back the bottle. “Bikini-so-teeny.”

She looked at me and I looked right back at her.

“It’s just a color. It’s pink. End of story.” I looked at my watch and the digital arm said it was late. “Also, end of day so… see you in a couple of days.”

I stood up and plodded over with my bare legs over to the side of the wall where the two duffle bags that I had brought in were. But only one was there. I bent down and grabbed the one with my Nikes and sweat socks.

“I remember coming here with two bags…” I said to myself. I held up my gym bag. “Where’s the other one?”

I turned around to shower her that yes indeed, I had only one now.

“Relax, we’re not going to steal your disgusting shoes,” she said as she walked over. “Now put it down and come on this way,” and she opened up the door to the hall and I followed her. I almost bumped into woman who was probably a client and smiled at me and I smiled back. But as I passed by, she softly commented “nice color.” And I realized that she was smiling at me because I wasn’t wearing any shoes and socks and they probably thought had some weird thing about pink toes. What a bitch.

After a turning left and going down a few doors, Nancy said “Here’s the showcase room.”

Showcasing what?

And she opened up the door and we walked in. It was a fucking shoe store. I mean it was a fancy shoe store no doubt because instead of rows and rows of payless style shoes where basically you pick out your size and pay for it. This was like they were showcasing the shoes. Which makes it pretty obvious why they call it the showcase room.

“You mean Shoe case room right?” I waggled my eyebrows.

“You are the first person to tell me that!” she said alarmingly.

“Oh really?”

“Of course not,” and she took me over to a few stylists who were part of the package deal that my girlfriend and I had signed up for. Style consultants they said they were. One was casual, one was professional, one was entertainment, etc etc etc. They seemed all interchangeable, but in a good way. All friendly, all really polite, all really genuine. They were good people and they were nice. We got along great.

“Hey, look at you! Looking all pretty,” an obviously gay man greeted me and then he looked down at my toes and jokingly slapped me against my chest, “Oh honey!”

“Ha ha, very funny,” I said back. “You know they made me choose this color, don’t you? Jesus…”

“Oh really? Was it the script for ‘long day at the office’ or was it ‘trip to the masseuse?”

Someone else chimed in – “Or was it ‘give me a piggy back ride?”

“Or hot summer nights?” and everyone laughed.

Nancy came over and said, “Nope – it was chilly at the beach.” And she elbowed me in the ribs. “And he did great. Look, we’re here to help you do the best thing you can do for your family and for your girlfriend. So we can have fun can’t we?” and she looked around at the group and they all nodded affirmatively. “And we can also be serious.”

We all gathered together near some of the shoes and I was offered a drink and I accepted it. It was a glass of champagne – to cool your nerves, someone said as I grabbed it and sipped.

We talked about the blah blah stuff, like commitment and intimacy and empathy and change and when asked if I was serious, I said – 100%. This was important to me.

“Ok, well good news and bad news for you,” Nancy said as she got to the point. We did some quantitative data about the personality tests you’ve taken –“

“You mean the ones that took over 8 hours to do?”

“Yes, the ones that took over 8 hours to do. And you’ll see that it’ll pay off.”

“We did the data analysis and we also got some feedback from some interviews with your girlfriend about who you are… you know – who you are, to your girlfriend. What kind of person are you according to her. From her point of view. Anyway, we got her feedback.”

“Basically, the good news is that you get to choose the shoes. Total carte blanche. The bad news is that your selection has to be from here and it has to be from specific categories of shoes that we’ll help you out on.”

“That sounds amazing. I can’t believe that after all the testimonials, that this is the outcome.” I sighed with relief. “I can’t believe that I get to have that kind of autonomy. It sounds like the best thing that could happen.”

“Of course it’s the best thing that could happen. This is our company policy – the best possible outcome.

One of the consultants came over and handed me a pair of white sweatpants. “Around that corner is the dressing room so put on these pants and come on out. You’d be surprised but this is actually good to have when trying on our shoe. Sweatpants are very versatile.”

“Sure – sweats it is,” I said and I took them and around the corner. I got in an locked the changing room making sure there weren’t any cameras. At least the ones in plain sight. None.

I took off my pants and then I caught myself looking in the mirror at my newly pointed toes.

I felt so stupid for this whole thing. It’s just a month, I said as I changed into the baggy and oversized sweatpants. I looked again at the mirror and felt a little better, but still a little self conscious.

I pulled up my sweatpants as much as I could ans I psyched myself up and marched over to the crowd. And they all gave little golf claps.

“Ok, should we go from easiest to hardest?” Nancy started.

“Definitely,” I agreed.

“Let’s talk Sandals.”

“You mean flip flops.”

“Sandals. And they’ll be your new best friends. They go well with everything. Out on the town, sandals. Out at a restaurant, sandals. Lounging around? Sandals. See?”

“Perfect, let’s do it. Sandals.”

“And you also reminded me! Flip flops too!”

“Awesome. How many pairs of sandals you think we need to get you?”

“How about 1.”

“How about 8?”

“JESUS CHRIST. I don’t need 8 pairs of sandals. I can’t imagine a time when I’ll ever need 8 pairs of sandals,” and I thought about when I would ever need 8 pairs of sandals. One day, I’ll have to sit down with my friends and show off all of my great pairs of sandals.

Consulting with the consultants, the pairs started adding up. One of them said I needed a pair for lounging around in and I tried on a pair of sandals.

I grabbed the plainest ones I could find. “Check out my toes, dudes!” I said as I put a pair on and showed the group.

“You need one for walking – maybe you can even wear one when you go outside today and walk home.”

“Walking sandals.” Another pair that looked pretty boring. I hiked up my sweatpants to my upper leg and I tried them on and walked a few steps. Ouch.

“Yeah, you’re going to hate yourself after like 2 blocks with that. How about this one?”

I took a look and sneered at the shoe.

“You don’t want blisters and besides” – she whispered – “it’s totally detachable.”

“Say no more,” I said as I tied one pair’s buckle onto the back of my ankle.

Boom another pair! Hitting homers with these bozos, I said silently to myself.

Nancy chimed in. “You’ll need one when you’re at the beach – remember those cold nights? So think about what would look good with a bathing suit.”

I got sick of trying on so I grabbed a pair that I thought would look good with blue trunks or whatever.

The romance consultant also added – “You’ll need a pair probably for vacation – you know something that will look good for both walking and a little smooch you might want to give Molly spontaneously.”

I grabbed a yellow one and thought about how that kiss would go.

I missed delivering kisses like that and felt both sad and thrilled that we were doing this.

“We have only two pairs of flip flops left and congrats – they are yours. They’re designer so consider yourself the owner of a pair of very desirable flip flops.”

I nodded and they were added to the list. I wasn’t a huge flip flop person – just for long car rides

And on the beach of course.

From the athletic and “streetwear” consultant, I got some cool high tops

And even some cool kicks that I think even Molly has the same kind if you can believe it. One day we’ll have to both wear them on the same day.

“You’ll need boots!” someone chimed in.

“Boots for when you wear long pants…”

“And boots for when you wear shorts.”

“Yeah, but who wears boots when you have shorts on?” I said thinking about someone wearing boots with shorts on.

Whatever works, I thought. I got sick of trying on these items that eventually I just ended up agreeing to much of their recommendations. There weren't a lot of options and from what they offered me, it seemed nothing too showy. Utilitarian is what I was aiming for. I even picked out a pair of boots that looked pretty good and would probably be described as "military" boots if you had to pick a word. Those were coming home with me and it would look good with an old pair of jeans.

I had an option for rain boots to go with something either more conservative and "normal" looking

Which would have totally made sense given a guy like me, but then Nancy and a stylist convinced me to go with a more colorful kind saying that they would also throw a matching pair for my daughter. I thought about how fun it would be to actually have something to share with my daughter, beyond DNA. Well, in any event, it would be a cute photo op.

I paused as I was considering what I was doing.

"Thinking about something?" one of them asked.

"Thinking about my daughter I said," and we paused and talked about feelings and perseverance and it felt great to get some insight from a group of consultants who thought about things beyond style. We talked about what kind of father I was going to be. Whatever, if one day that my daughter and I could go for a daddy-daughter hike and we're both wearing boots that look alike, then I call that a fucking win. The group agreed.

"I thought about how excited I was that my girlfriend and I were expecting a baby and then I learned that it was a girl. You'll never believe this but little shoes were the first things I bought for her."

I thought a little.

"If this works and we have another baby, I'll be thrilled. I bet this time around, my girlfriend will surprise me with baby shoes. I bet by the time we have a second kid, I'll have a beer belly.

Just silly even thinking about it.

The group was happy and said that there were a few more decisions to be made. Another pair of shoes was plopped right near my feet. Nancy could tell by the way that I was rubbing my feet that I was just exhausted from trying on so many shoes.

They smiled with sympathy and said that they would promise that they would make a good decision about the remainder of my shoes and that I shouldn't worry because I was in good hands.

I believed them.

They counted up all of the shoes that were going home with me and made sure that everything was in order for dropoff on the next morning. While they were doing whatever paperwork, I went over to the changing room and

"Which one you going home with?" one of them wanted to know.

My eyes looked towards the sneaker selection, but Nancy came over and said "there are two ways to show your girlfriend that you are committed to this."

I nodded and went for the shoes that best showed off my new toes. I did remove the ridiculous bow though. Off to a good start, no doubt.

"Congratulations. We're done with day 1. Now let's find Molly."