"Please, please kill me" I groaned feeling like a dog was knawing on my insides.

"I....I think I want to go back to the bed" Abby said into her pillow.

"Oh get up you babies" Mom said walking into the den where we had been dying for the last several hours.

We knew it was coming,moms doctor had confirmed it but good god what did I do to deserve this torment?

"Come on Girls we have work to do today' since you ain't helping dad today then you will be helping me so come on get up" mom said opening the curtains and turning off the TV right as Bill Dance dragged a nice looking bass fish out.

"What are we doing"? I asked as I stood up.
"I have been asked to help get the church ready for your Cousin Cheyenne's wedding this weekend".

I groaned internally at the prospect of spending what should have been a work day helping with a wedding.

I wanted to go to work but mom made me stay home for my first "visit", as she called it. It sucks cause Dad had just let me get back to work in the last week.
I'm a lot smaller now so I'm mostly running equipment and gofer work. I tried to do my other job but these scrawny arms are nothing like what I use to have. So lugging around a fourty pound chain saw and the other gear was too much so dad put me to work loading trucks,running the skidder or going into town if we needed parts or something.

It was pretty awkward at first but the guys do their best to act like nothing has changed. Dad seems to worry more about me then he use to. I honestly hate that I feel more like a burden then an asset to the company.

"Clay I want you to go in your truck that way if we need to haul something we'll have it, Abby do you want to ride with me or Clay?"

"I'll ride with Clay" she said grabbing her purse.
I grabbed my keys and was about to walk out the door when I heard mom whistle.
I turned and she was holding my bag, I won't call it a purse even though thats basically what it is.

Its a small denim bag that mom and Abby had bought me on one of their mother daughter outings.

They keep trying to get me to go but I have work and other things to do.
I walked over and tentatively took it from her.
"You have extras inside along with some pads if you need them you're gonna need to remember to grab this from now on cause there is nothing more embarrassing then being caught without the essentials during these times" mom said as she used her fist to push my shoulder a little.

"Come on lets go"She said as she grabbed her things and started out the door.
Abby had already went out to my truck and was standing next to it looking at her phone as I walked out the door and down the stairs.

"Hey Clay come on its hot"! She hollered.
She was wearing a white sleeveless shirt with a black rose design up one side of it and daisy dukes with some white converses.

I was wearing my usual jeans and plain hanes Tshirt with my work boots.I have taken to wearing my hair in a simple ponytail. I wanted to get it cut down to a high and tight but mom wouldn't let me. Its still a lot better then it was now that instead of hanging down past my butt it now rest mid back.
Still blue though...

Anyway we hopped into the truck and I fired it up, whomever invented air conditioning is the earth's greatest treasure.

It was currently eighty seven degrees with a humidity level of seventy percent. "So you guys couldn't have done all this without me"?

"Well most likely, I honestly don't have any idea what goes into this but according to your mom we'll need your truck at some point to get a trailer from the wedding rental place. but for the most part we're gonna be cleaning the church up today".

"Great, I feel like crap and I get a day off but instead of kicking back at the house I get to sweep,mop and scrub stuff down"I huffed, yeah huffed like some teenage girl. Cringe much.

"Cranky aren't we"? Abby said cocking her head to the side with a grin".
"Oh shut up you were just as cranky this morning" I fired back.

"Well yes but I needed the shower and you were taking forever"!
"Well.. ah it takes me a minute ok I'm still freaked out about all this and it takes me a minute to get the muscles to cooperate ok" shit why am I crying i thought as I wiped my eyes with my fore arm.

I looked over and saw Abby holding a tissue with a somber smile on her face.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you upset I know how hard this is for you and I'll try to be more patient" I took the tissue from her.

"Thanks" I said wipeing.
"But the next time you take forty five minutes to use the bathroom I'm taking the door off the hinges" she said as she sat back and went back to whatever she was doing on her phone.

"I don't think mom would like that"I said turning on Gilbert Rd.
We soon pulled up to the church and mom pulled in behind us.
About that time Steven my cousins soon to be husband came walking out.

"Hey ladies how are yall today?" he smiled.
Its strange the last time I met this kid I was a full head taller then him and now its the other way around.

"Oh we're fine and how are you" mom said as she walked up and handed him some bags she was carrying.

"Well ahh...ha just a bit nervous but thats expected I guess " he laughed nervously.
We walked inside the reception hall behind the church and Aunt Melinda came walking over to us.

"I am so glad you're here we have a lot to do today and Clay thank you for bringing your truck Stevens brother Is using his today and we need to go get the stuff from the wedding rental place in town, I'll ride with you and your mom and Abigail can help Cheyenne get things dusted off and swept is that ok?"

"Ahh sure I'll do that you gonna be ok mom?"
"Yes we're fine yall hurry back now" Mom said as her and Abby walked towards the kitchen in the back.

"Alright kiddo lets go" aunt Melinda said as she slapped me on the back.
We got in my truck and were soon heading to town.

It was awkwardly quiet for the first few minutes as we rode in silance. I was just about to turn the radio on when aunt Melinda spoke.

"Soo... how ya been?"
"Ahh... ok I guess im on my period apparently so that kinda sucks" I felt embarrassed as soon as I revealed that tidbit of information.

"Oh I see, well yes it does but its a part of the package you'll get use to it in time" she was looking out the window.

"Other then that how are you handling the change?"

For you're information Aunt Melinda is a clinical psychologist and a professor at o'l miss university in Mississippi and I was willing to bet mom put her up to ask all these questions.

"Mom ask you to check on me?I asked keeping my eyes on the road.

She sighed "You have always been a sharp one Clay, Yes she asked me to see how you're doing. Are you ok what is said between us stays between us" she placed her hand on my arm I had on the console.

"I'm trying, I just don't know what to think I mean, my whole life has changed literally overnight and most people are just acting like its no big deal".

"What do you mean?"

"Well. I'm a freak and no one is acting like it, people are just walking on egg shells trying not to say the wrong things or do something weird but they are so obvious about it I mean people I've known my entire life are treating me like a complete stranger."

"Oh sweetie you are not a freak, you've just gone through a major trauma and you don't know how to cope and thats completely understandable".

"Listen Clay Its not just you whose gone through this, its a big change for everyone and its gonna take time for things to return to some semblance of normalcy."

"But you are not a freak, I know you Clay you're just like your dad, even when we were kids and growing up Bill always tried to act like dad, what Bill didn't understand and neither did I is the reason grandpa was like he was was because of his experiences in Nam" .

"Dad held everything in and viewed it as his burden and no one else needed to be bothered by it" she looked at me like a mother talking to a hurt child.

"Clay the reason I mention this is I want you to know you don't have to be like that, you have people you can talk to it's ok to cry and let it out you don't have to shoulder your burdens alone".

"I don't do that aunt Mel" I said feeling the water works wanting to turn on.
She gave me that knowing look she's famous for ,Aunt Mel is a sharp one and has a bullshit meter like no one I've ever known.

I know she was right I even knew it then but I wasn't willing to admit it to myself or her.

"Clay, I remember the time you first left for Iraq I remember the person you were the smile you always had and I remember seeing you when you got back the person who walked off that plane was completely different".

"Its fine, I'm fine and I'm still me I don't need you dragging up the past ok" I snapped a little.

"I'm sorry Clay, you're right I shouldn't have brought it up, I just want you to know if there is anything you want to talk about I'm only a phone call away" she sat back in her seat and looked out the window.

It was silent the rest of the trip, She was right though. I wasn't the same person when I got back. A lot of things can happen in fourteen months especially in a war zone.
Iraq had been my first, I saw things and did things that I wish I could forget but like a tattoo they are permanently etched into my brain. I can still taste that hell hole, I sometimes still feel the heat and smell the smells.

I'll be doing a random task and out of the blue I smell blood or gun powder. It just stays with you.

We eventually arrived at the rental place.
We walked inside and up to the counter.
"Can I help you" this teenage girl asked as we approached. She was scrolling her phone and looked like she would rather be getting her teeth pulled then sitting in that chair.

"I'm here to pick up the Andrews rental" Aunt Mel said.
The girl typed on her computer for a few seconds "Trailer seven Its got everything you ordered and if there is anything missing just let us know and we'll send someone to bring it to you free of charge" the girl said as she handed aunt Mel a key with a number seven tag on it.

We left the building and out in the parking lot to one side were three enclosed trailers each with a large number sticker on the front and right next to number 2 was number seven.

It took a minute to get the trailer hooked up to my truck, my truck has a four inch lift and thirty five inch tires so we had to jack the trailer up as high as it would go but it still wasn't high enough as this trailer was kinda low to the ground possibly a car hauling trailer being used for the wrong profession.

Ended up having to go across the road to Auto zone and get a drop hitch.
By the time we had the trailer hooked up both of us were sweating and hot.

So we decided that a large ice cold drink from the sonic was in order.
I pulled up and Aunt Mel decided it would be her treat so she went to go get them.

While she was gone my mind wandered thinking about what she had said earlier.
She is right that its good to talk to someone. As you can guess I'm not the best at such things but I figured maybe it wouldn't hurt to give it a try.

After all was said and done we headed back to the Church. We ended up listening to the radio to help break up the awkwardness.

We pulled into the parking lot and I backed up to the door and cut my truck off.
Aunt Mel went to get out but I stopped her.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I know what you were trying to say and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that".

She smiled and nodded "It's ok, I should have been a bit more professional about it instead of treating you like my nephew".

"Come on lets go I have a daughter to get hitched" she smiled.
Aunt Mel has always been a character, upbeat and happy the type of person its almost impossible to frown around.

I got out and opened the back door of the trailer. They weren't kidding this thing was packed.

Aunt Mel took charge and told me, abby and Steven where she wanted what while mom and Cheyenne took care of dusting and mopping.

This is an old church and most of the people are older and they rarely use the event hall anymore so it sits empty unless there's a wedding or funeral or something.

Its pretty clean for the most part but dust is always an issue no matter what you do when a place sits for long periods of time.
We were about half way through when another car pulled up.

It was my aunt Brenda my dads oldest sister. Mom sent me and Abby out to see if she needed help.

"Oh Abigail aren't you just the cutest thing today" she said as she opened the back of her van.

"Clay" she nodded at me when I rounded the corner behind Abby.
Aunt Brenda is still pissed at me for knocking her youngest son Kyle out at our family reunion the year before.

Well I wouldn't really say she's pissed at that part it may have been me calling her a very bad name and calling her a useless parent.
I ain't gonna lie I was a bit drunk myself but nowhere near that idiots level of intoxication.

Kyle was only sixteen but drunk and being an ass he kept Harassing my girlfriend so I knocked the crap out of him.

Then Aunt Brenda got involved and things just went south from there, to say there's some bad blood would be a bit accurate.

Speaking of Kyle I had to snicker when I saw the little girl in the blue rainbow dash tshirt and denim shortalls slunk around from the other side of the car.

Kyle had underwent the same change as me and Abby a few days after us but he got it a lot worse. Where we are at least teenagers he's more little girl if I had to guess personally I would say seven or eight and the long pink hair is just a cherry on top of a Karma sunday as far as he's concerned.

Kyle has always been an ass hat, in and out of jail, drugs, drinking and fighting you name it he's been in trouble for it. Like a few months earlier he got mad at his last girlfriend and hit her at the local skating rink. In addition to being jumped and rolled by about eight other guys. He was sentenced to six months house arrest and had just gotten off before he changed.

Honestly even though we're in the same boat I personally can't say I feel bad for him. I never understood how he could be like this while his brother Tyler is the complete opposite. Straight A student, Eagle Scout and is currently a Second lieutenant in the Army.

I know theres twelve years between them but still to be two completely different people is just weird.

"Hey Kaylie" I snikkered a bit and waved.
"Hey don'tcall me that assh........ ouch ow ow mom stop....!

Aunt brenda had grabbed him by the ear,"What have I told you about that mouth of yours"?

"I'm sorry mom please let go I won't do it again stop"!
"I failed you the first time around and I'll be damned if I'm gonna repeat the same mistakes" Aunt brenda said dragging him off towards the building.

"Poor kid"Abby said as she grabbed some of the grocery bags.
"Nah a little discipline will do him some good" I chuckled as I grabbed a box with some bread and sweet items.

"I wonder if she would notice if that red velvet cake was missing" abby said looking over into my box" she grinned like the Cheshire Cat and I had to bat her hand away as we walked back in the church.

We walked in and I noticed that "Kaylie" was sitting in a chair facing the corner after a second I also noticed the bar of soap in her mouth.

Man aunt Brenda wasn't kidding, from what I had seen over the years she had always been kind of a doormat for most people, shy and timid the rarely spoke up when she needed to type.

She got lucky with Tyler he was a golden child but Kyle was a different story. He had always treated his mom like a door mat and knew he would get away with it cause of her don't rock the boat nature.

His dad had been killed in a car accident when he was seven and he just went wild after that useing it as an excuse for his bad behavior, yeah tough on a kid I know but its still no excuse for the way he's behaved over the last ten years. Aunt Brenda was always either too afraid or just didn't have it in her to discipline him.

But after his last run in with the law something in her snapped and she had found a back bone. I had heard a rumor that she had beaten him up one night not long before the change but I don't know if she did or not.

We brought the groceries to the kitchen area and helped mom and Cheyenne set things out.

The wedding was in three more days and dress rehearsals were the next day so a lot of stuff had to be done in a short amount of time.

They were going to have the wedding at this really fancy place up in Tennessee. It was an old Antebellum home that overlooked a large lake and was all inclusive. Basically everything would have been taken care of without all the fuss.

Sounds like it would have been nice at least it was till a bridezilla kicked over some candles and caught the place on fire and burned half the house down.

Either way with a ton of relatives and friends already taking the time off to come they couldn't postpone and Gilbert Baptist Church was the only place with a last minute opening.

But what really sucks about it is, I could have been home all day.
Mom and the ladies including Abby started cooking and preparing stuff while me and Steven finished setting up the rest of the hall.

We were hanging lights up when I heard someone make that grunt people make when they are trying to get your attention.

I turned to see Aunt Brenda and Kyle standing there Aunt Brenda was standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders.

"Kyle would like to say something" she said giving his shoulders a squeeze.

"I would like to apologize for what I said earlier" I could tell his heart wasn't exactly in it but it was still satisfying to watch him squirm.

"It's ok Kaylie" I smiled knowing that got under his skin.

"Please don't call me that" he made a face like he was gonna barf.
"Why not I think Kaylie is a perfect new name for you" Aunt Brenda said.

"Mom please I'll do anything" he was pleading.
"I've been trying to think of a new name for you ever since you changed and I think Kaylie Elizabeth Waterhouse Has a really nice ring to it" aunt Brenda was smiling.

Kyle, well Kaylie started looking back and forth between the two of us. I didn't mean to give him a new name I was just messing with him but thats the short and skinny of how I unknowingly gave my cousin a new name.

The rest of the day was spent setting up the main church and the reception hall all while getting death glares from the pink haired one.

I helped My uncle lonny set up his sound equipment and the last bit was getting the tables and chairs set up and we were done.

I was ready to leave, I was tired and ready for a nice long shower but I couldn't find Abby.

I walked into the church and heard some talking in one of the back rooms so I walked over and heard Cheyenne talking to someone.

"I understand its a lot to ask but Steven has eight groomsmen and I only have four bridesmaids".

"Its ok I understand, Personally I'm kinda interested to see what its like but I can tell you for sure that Clay wouldn't be interested" I heard Abby say.

Good to know she has my back, I thought.
"Well I would ask her but I don't know how to go about it so I was wondering if you could ask her for me" Cheyenne sounds desperate.

"Like I said I'm ok with it but if you want to ask Clay just ask him the worst he could say is no" Abby said.

I was still standing out in the hall way it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was wanting of me.

I walked into the room and Cheyenne had her back towards me.
"What would you like to ask?" I said.

She turned around and I could tell I caught her off guard.
Cheyenne has always been jumpy, shy and not very confident.

"Ah... well you see I ah... I was wondering since I only have four bridesmaids and .....

"You're wanting to know if I'd be one for you?"

"Yes, clay I know its a lot to ask and I know its only been a little over a month since you changed but It would really mean a lot to me".

"I'm sorry but I just don't feel comfortable with that" I said.
"I know that but other then Jenifer and Lisa I don't have anymore girl cousins and I had to bribe Jennifer's friend Rebecca to be number four and my mom is my maid of honor".

"What about those two girls you use to hang with all throughout school"?

"Vicky is pregnant and due any day now and Ginger is working in Europe and can't make it please Clay I need you, I feel like such a loser and I...." she was really putting on her hurt puppy face.

Cheyenne didn't have very many friends growing up she's only four years younger then me and Abby but she use to tail us all the time when we were kids and use to tell people we were her big brothers.

Even though she has always been pretty she is just awkward and geeky and never was very sociable.

"Cheyenne I understand you want this but I mean wouldn't it take a while to get the clothes and stuff I mean the weddings in three days and I remember the crap show it was when your sister Becky got married and all the bridesmaids dresses that were delivered were the wrong type"... I figured I was safe with this argument.

I knew if I didn't defuse the situation I was gonna be guilted or begged into one of those things.

"Well about that......" Cheyenne had a small grin on her face.

"I might have gotten yours and Abby's sizes from your mom...he he".
"I ah...already have the dresses" she said walking over to a chair and picking up two long bags.

She handed one to abby and then walked over to me and held it out.

"Ahh Cheyenne I really....
"Please Clay, You've never let me down in the past you've always been there when I needed you and I really need my big brother now" that look, that damn look.

I slowly took the bag from her.
She smiled and hughed me "thank you bro".

"Shoes are in a bag at the bottom" she said as she walked out of the room leaving me and Abby alone obviously not giving me a chance to come up with another argument.

"Did that really just happen?" I Asked her.
"Cheer up, this seems like it'll be fun" she smiled and we started to walk out.

As we left the church my mom was going to her car and saw us.
"Clay Abby over here"she waved us over.

We walked over and she looked at us and suddenly got a big smile on her face.
"What are those"?

I didn't know what to say.
"Bridesmaids dresses" Abby said.

Why is mom smiling at me like that?
"Mom?"

Chapter three

"Clayyyy come out please" Abby was pleading from the other side of my bedroom door.

"No I'm not coming out I look ridiculous" I said as I looked at myself in my door mirror.
"Sweetie I highly doubt you look ridiculous and we need to get going the rehearsal is in an hour now please come out and show us" mom sounded just like Abby.

"No, go away!" I huffed back.
This is so embarrassing.I still can't believe I was whining like a frustrated teenager.

Why the hell couldn't Becky be here to take my place?Becky is Aunt Melinda's oldest at thirty two and is currently stationed in New Jersey with the Coast Guard.

She had tried to get approval to come but was denied seeing as a large amount of military personnel had recently gone through large scale "structural reorganization" that left many unable to continue their job specific duties. Basically they were short handed and she couldn't get the leave.

So that left me having to take her place.
"Do you have everything on or just the dress?" Mom called out.

I didn't want to answer her.
"Clay?" She drew out my name.
"Ye..yes I have everything on but I don't want you to see me like this".

"Oh thank you honey" I heard mom say.
"Took me a minute to find it but I knew I had it somewhere" I heard my dad chuckle.

"Mom, Dad what are you doing?" I asked.
It was at that moment I heard the unmistakable sound of a key entering my door lock.

I lunged for the doorknob but it was too late, I was trying to hold the door shut against the combined forces of Abby and Mom and was doing pretty good even with these stupid heels on when I heard my dad chuckle and felt a force on the top of the door.

With one hand my defenses were crushed as my old man effortlessly pushed open my door.

"Eeep" I can't believe that sound came out of my mouth as I stumbled back on these sky scraper tall heels "Ok I admit they were only three inches but still".

And there I was in all my glory.
The light grey calf-length asymmetrical dress with a high neck cold shoulder design and lace bell sleeves.

How do I know this? Have I suddenly become an expert on dresses?

No,Its what was on the tag on the bag, there was also a grey strapless bra, a black thing called a garter belt and sheer midnight moon(black) stockings. I had to watch a YouTube video on how to put those on cause there was no way in hell I was gonna ask mom.

And then there were the heels, labeled (Bandage straped buckled heels/3" charcoal size 7)

I stood there imitating a tomato while Mom, Dad and Abby all looked at me.
Mom brought her hands up to her mouth and had what I can only describe as happy tears and a huge smile.
"Ohhh you're soo beautiful" she squealed as she came over and hugged me.
"Thank you for being brave about this Clay, I know its hard to hear this but you are beautiful and you don't even have your hair or makeup done yet" she pushed me back just a little while still holding onto my shoulders.

"It's ok mom, I figured you were working on a way to get me in dresses eventually anyway" I smiled a little but wanted to thump her on the nose.

"Well, I won't say I was but I won't say I wasn't either " she smiled.
"You look stunning" My old man said as he stood in the door way.

That made me warm up even more.my dad the old man,the guy who use to tell me to toughen up and be a man just said I look stunning, in a freakin dress!
"What the hell has happened to my life?" I thought.

Abby was wearing the same outfit as me except her short blonde hair had a bit more thought put into it at the moment with the black and grey head band, back flared out and her bangs hanging to one side of her face at an angle.

"Wow you are absolutely gorgeous I can't wait to see the whole package after our salon visit tomorrow" she had been exited about that part cause it would be her first time getting the full works.Even though I still catch a glimpse of Greg every now and then, it seems he, well she has truly embraced her new life. I wonder if I'll ever get to that point , where I'm actually happy again.

The only good thing about this is the fact that mother nature was easing up on her attack and I was feeling a bit better.

It was kinda funny me and Abby all dressed up while mom was just in her jeans and Almond Brothers Tshirt.

"Well Its time to go,rehearsals should be starting in an hour that gives us plenty of time to get to the church and chat for a minute" mom said getting behind and gently pushing me towards the door.

I figured I needed to rip it off like a bandaid so I didn't give much resistance.
"Oh hold up" Mom said as I felt her reach into the back of my dress and remove the shoe lace I had attached to the dresses zipper so I could zip it up myself.

It feels so weird, the dress is snug in some places and loose in others.
The feel of the stockings on my legs as the skirt swishes around them the strangeness of the heels peaking out as I walked and their click clack that were making.its just all too strange for me to comprehend.I honestlyjust felt like I was on auto pilot at that point.

"Clay you need to change your walk or you're going to fall, or hurt your feet here watch Abby" mom said.

Abby had been wearing heels for a bit now and had no issues as she glided across the hardwood floor gently moving her hips and placing one foot infront of the other with ease.

I sighed and tried to imitate her and had to do it a few times. It was strange that my body seemed to naturally move better walking like this.

I didn't feel so off balance like I had been while trying to walk how I always have.

After my fifth or sixth trip across the family room and some guidance from Abby and Mom they were finally happy with my amateur results.

I still felt awkward as we stepped out on the porch.
Abby had no issues walking across our gravel driveway.

I took one step and almost hit the ground but luckily my old man was there to catch me.

"Just try putting more weight on your toes like this" mom said demonstrating by lifting her heels off the ground and walking on her toes in her tennis shoes.

I tried again, but again I made it like three steps before my dad caught me.
"Ben sweetie we'll have Clay practice later that dress can't get dirty so please carry her to the car" Mom asked.

Before I could even protest my dad scooped me up like a little girl with one arm under my legs and I had to hold onto his shoulders while he brought me over to my moms Explorer then helped me slip into the back seat.

"Ahh... thanks dad" I felt red hot with embarrassment after that.
Dad just winked and made his favorite click clkick sound with his mouth before he smiled and shut the door then he walked around to the driver's seat.

"This is so wrong" I said into my hands.
"Cheer up Blue and relax this will be fun if you let it" Abby giggled.

Me and Abby are basically sisters now, even though its not official or on paper she has been living with us since day one and has pretty much taken over Coles room.

She's been working at Mom's friends Lingerie store Sally's Lingerie and Finery for the last two weeks as a shop attendant so she has really been getting an education in girl stuff.

Her and Stacy have also become really good friends and stacy is a real girly girl kinda up town or at least she tries to be.
So basically bad influences all around.

Me I'm happy working with dad, I know I can't do much of the physical labor anymore but I am getting real good at running the heavy equipment.

We arrived at the church in fifteen minutes. I mean we only live seven miles away.
This time dad parked on the paved portion of the parking lot and there is a sidewalk that leads to all parts of the church grounds so I was able to get out on my own.

I felt like I had a parakeet flying around in my stomach as we walked towards the small crowd of people standing outside the front door of the main church.

There weren't many people just the ones who were part of the wedding.
All the groomsman were wearing tan kakies and white polo shirts while all the bridesmaids were dressed in our dresses.

Why do they get a choice?
Mom led us up to the door and two of the three groomsmen standing next to it whistled which caused the other to turn around.

When he did I saw that it was Justin Lakeland Stevens sixteen year old brother.
And his eyes almost poped out of his head as he locked eyes with me.

I instantly felt flush and looked away as I hurried past him feeling his eyes on me the whole time.
I looked around and there were some of my relatives and some of Stevens relatives about twenty people in all not counting the processional just kind of mulling about.

I saw Cheyenne who was wearing a simple green sun dress and Steven was wearing the same outfit as his grooms men only his polo shirt was dark blue.

She saw me about the same time and waved me and Abby over.
"Oh my god you guys look fantastic" she squealed as she quickly hugged both of us.

"You look great too can't wait to see you in the dress" Abby said.
"Speaking of dresses why are we all dressed up if this is just rehearsals?" I asked.

"Well I just thought it would be best if everyone was dressed for the rehearsals so you could get use to everything" she said.

"All we're gonna be doing is standing in one place" I said.
"Oh stop being such a debbie downer and Lighten up Clay" Aunt Melinda walked up behind me and hugged me.

"Its fun to dress up every now and then" she laughed lettingme go.
Aunt mel was wearing the same outfit as the rest of us.

"Ok everyone's here so we had best get this show on the road" Aunt Melinda yelled to everyone.

The non involved family mainly my mom, dad a few cousins and relatives on both sides all found seats in the pews.

Me and the other bridesmaids walked back to the front room on the left side of the building looking from the front doors and the groomsmen went to the right side in the foyer.

After everyone was in place the pianist started to play "Canon In D" and we started.

Aunt Melinda walked out first, she being the mother of the bride and the Maid of honor she made her way to the front and then made a circle around the other side of the pews back to the room where Cheyenne was currently at.

Then the groom Steven was escorted down the Isle by his mother Mrs. April. Then she sat next to His dad Bobby Lakeland of Lakeland automotive.
Yeah that lakland family

After that it was our turn. The bridesmaids and the groomsmen walked out at the same time down our respective sides of the isle and took our places where aunt Melinda had shown us by height.

I was the shortest followed by my cousin Lisa, her friend Rebecca Abby and then my cousin Jennifer.

And then I almost lost it and fell to the floor laughing but luckily all I let out was a snort.
It was the flower girls turn.

The song quickly changed to the international staple of all American weddings "Here comes the bride".

There were two of them, Becky's five year old daughter and Kaylie all dressed up in "Yes I'll say it" the cutest little white and pink flower girl dresses followed by Becky's oldest Mathew who is seven as the ring bearer and he was dressed just like the other groomsmen.

And he was followed by the Lady of honor and her father.
Cheyenne was led down the aisle by her dad my uncle Lonny followed a few steps behind by aunt Melinda.

After everyone made it to their perspective places the music stopped and I thought we were done.

But I was wrong.
We had to do it six more times before aunt Melinda was satisfied all the little nitpick stuff was fixed.

I hate to admit it but I was one of the main problems,it was my walk.
It ended up taking some one on one training away from everyone else in the reception hall before I was considered just right.

And after about three hours we were done.
I thought we would all go home but instead all the bridesmaids went into the back to change into normal clothes and we were all going out to a local Mexican restaurant for super,the grooms treat.

I was kinda just shuffled along with everyone else into the back room.
I felt extremely awkward as all the girls started to get changed.

I turned and looked away towards the wall and heard giggling.
"Ahh...Clay, you don't have to look away I mean we aren't stripping naked and you have all the same stuff now so come on and get dressed" My cousin Jennifer laughed.

I turned and felt myself going flush.
"I didn't bring anything to wear" I said.

"Oh its ok I brought you some clothes and shoes as well as the dress bag" My mom said as she walked into the room haveing heard my little admonishment.

Mom helped me take off the dress by unzipping the back for me then packing away the dress and other pieces as I
stripped out of everything but my underwear.

I stood there feeling really exposed wondering where my other clothes were.
"Clay, Please don't be mad but I wanted you to look nice tonight so I bought you an outfit to wear earlier today" she looked nervous.

"I take that its girly?"
She nodded.
"Can't be any worse then what I just wore" I sighed.

She picked up one of the shopping bags she had brought in and reached inside.

"Here put these on" she said handing me a a pair of charcoal leggings".
I took them and just like I had done with the stockings earlier I put them on to the best of my ability.

Then she handed me a shirt, it looked like a normal tshirt but one side had a thin strap instead of the normal sleeve.

The shirt was two tone black and grey.
I put it on and then I cringed at the next item. A dark tan knee length pleated skirt with a buckled top.

I knew there was no use in backing down now so I stepped in and mom helped me put it on.

"And before you get angry Abby picked out the shoes" Mom said opening a fancy black box.

Inside was a pair of brown mid calf high heeled lace up riding boots again with the three inch heels.

"They're.... nice, I like them" I said hoping to put moms mind at ease.

Mom had been walking on egg shells when it came to this kind of stuff for a while but she would make small comments here and there about clothes that we would see out and about or she would ask me what I thought about certain outfits on pinterest.

She never would come out and say it but she would drop hints that she thought this or that would look good on me.

Although I'm not completely sold on this stuff I have known in the back of my mind that this was inevitable so I guess its time to take the plunge.

She beamed when I told her that and gave me a quick hug."Thank you Clay I promise I won't push you too much with this stuff" she said.

"It's ok mom" I said taking the boots from her.
After I put them on I stood up, even with the heel these are pretty comfortable mainly cause of the wider heel unlike the others that are a bit thinner. They also don't have as sharp a rise as the others did.

"One more thing" Mom said holding something hunter green in her hand.
It was a long sleeved open summer cardigan is what she said.

I slipped it on and the outfit was complete.
Mom stepped back and all the other ladies who by this time had finished getting dressed themselves all looked at me for a moment.

"Wow she looks so cute I love that outfit combination you really have great taste aunt Judy" My cousin Jennifer said as she looked me over.

Her and mom started talking about stores and stuff and I just stood there until we all started for the door.

I felt weird but at the same time I felt relaxed. I like to say it was tiredness from all the excitement and stress but I honestly don't know what it was.

I looked around and saw everyone else smiling,laughing and chatting and I couldn't help but smile at this little moment and for the first time in over a month and a half, for a moment I felt, normal.

We all walked outside and the groomsmen, dad, Steven and Lonny were all gathered around talking about the upcoming hunting seasons and their plans.

Normally I'd be right there with them excited about the new deer or turkeys I had caught on my trail cams.
But right then I wasn't one of the guys anymore.
I wasn't part of the crew, I was just one of the girls in the family.

But honestly during that particular moment I wasn't really worried about it, I felt that I was right where I needed to be.
It didn't take the boys long to see us as we walked over to the vehicles.

I walked over to my moms Explorer while mom and Abby went to grab dad. Most of the others started to head for their vehicles as well.

I noticed dad talking to Justin and He laughed and nodded.
Abby had walked over with mom and I saw her look at me with a grin and she started walking over to the car at a brisk pace.

"Hey Clay" she said as she walked past me.
"He..y whats up?" I said confused by her sudden strange behavior.

"Oh nothing" Abby said opening the door and climbing in.
It took me a second but I realized she was climbing into the very back third row.

"Abby why are you getting in the......"
I turned and looked at mom and dad walking towards us,but they weren't alone.

Why is Justin walking with them?

I stood there like an idiot as they all walked over to the car.

Dad walked past me and got in the driver's seat.
"Clay Justin is going to ride to the restaurant with us" Mom said.

Justin smiled and we stood there for a few seconds before I turned to get in the suv.
The door was open so I climbed in and scooted over to the driver's side behind my dad.

Justin climbed in beside me.
"So whats up Clay?" He asked, kid sounded nervous for some reason.

I looked at him funny I'm sure at the time I was pretty dense as to what was going on.
"Nothing much just same old same old, how bout you?".

"Just waiting for tomorrow to be over I'm not too big on weddings" he said.
"Me neither buddy row" I laughed at that one.

I caught mom looking at me in the rearview mirror with a slight grin on her face.
"So Justin you got any plans for summer break?" Dad asked.

"No sir,I hope I can find a good summer job but here lately they've been slim" He said.
"Well you think you could handle a chainsaw?" Asked dad and I knew where this was going.

Dad hadn't filled my spot yet and was down a man. Justin is fit and tall and has a decent build on him thanks to being on the high school football team as a line backer but I still think he's too soft for that kinda work.

But then again who am I to talk.
"Yes sir I've used ours plenty in the past to help dad on the home place but I've never done it professionally before".

"Well son there's a first time for everything and I could really use the help. Me and the boys'll train you and I can pay you fourteen an hour".

"It's hard work but its honest work" dad said as we made it into town.
"I'll have to ask my folks but if they say yes I'll do,it beats washing cars all day" Justin said putting his arm on the seat behind me.

"Hey buddy, you mind?" I asked motioning to his arm.
"Oh sorry Clay" He kinda stammered as he moved his arm back beside him. I saw mom shake her head and smile for some reason.

We finally made it to the restaurant.
About the same time as everyone else and found us a good parking place.

Steve and Cheyenne went in and got us some tables moved around so we waited outside while they did that.

The whole time Justin was acting weird.
He was acting all nervous and seemed like he couldn't talk straight.

After a few minutes of chatting about fishing and hunting he seemed to relax a bit and soon the others came and got us.

After everyone was sat down and had gotten our orders we were just talking when Officer John Davis and his wife walked in and were brought to a seat on the other side of me in the booth behind Justin.

It took him a second but when he looked up and saw me I saw his jaw fall open in shock. Its like he couldn't take his eyes off of me.

It was kinda creeping me out.
We all made small talk and ate our food.
Every now and then I would catch John and Cathy glancing at me.

After all was said and done I got up and went to the bathroom.
When I came out John was standing there seemingly waiting on the mens room to open up.

"Hey officer Davis how are you tonight?" I asked.He smiled giving me a once over "I'm good how are you?".

"Ok I guess, just got through rehearsing for a wedding" I laughed.
He looked shocked for a second.
"You're getting married?" He asked.
"Ah... no no no my cousin Cheyenne is, if you can believe it she conned me into being one of her bridesmaids" I scratched the back of my head.

"Well, I'm sure you'll look great" he said souning very nervous for some reason.
"Ah... thanks. I guess" I said as I went to rejoin the others.

I could have sworn I saw a wetness in his eyes like he was holding back tears.
"Freaking weird?" I thought to myself as I made it back to my folks.

"Hey Clay a bunch of us are going out to the lake house this weekend after the wedding thought you and Abby would like to come hang out" Justin said as I came up.

"Oh yeah sounds fun I could use a brake from everything" I said without thinking.
Abigail had already agreed and was very excited cause she hadn't been swimming or on a boat since before the IED.

Justin left with his brother and honestly by the time we all got home I was dead tired.
As I was getting undressed Abby came in my room.

"Ahh... knock much?" I asked.
She stepped backwards into the hallway and knocked on the door frame.

"What do you want?" I asked.
"Well little sister I just want to ask if you know what you're going to wear at the beach house for your...... date?" She smiled.

"Ahhh.... the hell you been smoking?" I asked her.
"Oh come on you can't be that dense sis" she said plopping down in my rolling desk chair and doing a spin.

"What are you talking about I'm just going to hang out with friends and some family, a lot of our cousins are gonna be there too" I said as I pulled my flannel pajama top on over my head.

Abby layed a magazine she had brought with her on my bed.
"You need to read this magazine series its really helpful in figuring out this girl stuff".

"Maybe I don't want to "figure out" this girl stuff" I said making air quotes with my fingers.
"Well it will help you at least notice the signs of when a boy is interested in you" she said pointing to an article listing on the cover.

it read.
"Justin isn't interested in anything he's just trying to be a friend" I said laying on my bed.

"Bullshit Clay Justin was following you around like a lost puppy all night he obviously has a crush on you".

"Abby I'm a twenty seven almost twenty eight year old man and he has known me and our family forever there is no way in hell he has a crush on me" I giggled.

Abby got up and left the room for a moment, soon she returned and tossed something on my bed.
I reached around and grabbed it and it was a hand held mirror.

"Look at yourself and say "I'm a twenty seven year old man" with a straight face" She said mocking my air quotes as she said it.

I looked at myself and it was like a light switch went off.
"Oh my God he has a crush on me!" I screamed as I sat up.

At that moment things got quite again and I clearly heard dad say from the downstairs living room. "Seems she finally realized it" I heard mom snort and they started laughing as as everything went back to normal.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY YOU GUYS!!!" I yelled at them which caused them to giggle more as Abby gave me a strange look.

"I wasn't laughing?" She said.
"Not you, mom and dad" I huffed blowing hair out of my face as I plopped back onto my bed.

"How can I be so stupid?" I said pulling my pillow over my face.
"You're not stupid you're just inexperienced" abby laughed as she sat down beside me.

"And you are experienced?" I said.
She lay down beside me and stretched out.
"Well I have been researching it alot, how to act, how to behave and Stacy has been a wealth of information on the ins and outs not to mention all the YouTube stuff the information is out there" she sounded really happy.

"You really are gone aren't you?" I asked.
"What do you mean gone?" She said.
"Greg never would've acted like you're acting, he was manly and never had a girly bone in his body" I said.

"Clay, I'm still me I promise. I understand you're going through a difficult time but eventually you'll have to face the fact that physically you're not Clay anymore and you're gonna have to stop living in the past or it's gonna eat you up" she was talking softly.

"I hate this Greg, I hate my life and what it's become, I hate what I am,I'm a freaking monster" I was crying as I pulled myself up into the fetal position.

"Clay you're not a monster and all things considered you've got a great life. You have a mom and dad who love you, a big sister would break down the gates of hell for you. you have a good job with a roof over your head and you get to literally start over.Many people I have known over the years would kill to be us right now, I know I would've had it not happened to me" she was curled up beside me hugging me from behind.

"And just because you're a girl now dosen't make you a monster" she said.
"No, but killing a bunch of kids does" I blurted it out before I could stop myself.

I could feel Abby tense up.
"What... do you mean?" She asked her voice catching.
"I..... I.... I'm......" I couldn't bring myself to tell her.

"I'm sorry Abby but I can't, not right now" I sobbed as memories of that day came rushing back to me.

She just held me as I cried.
The shame and tourture I've felt all this time finally catching up to me, I hate this new body and its emotional instability.

"Clay I have known for a long time that something happened but If you don't want to talk about it that's fine. I just want you to know that I'm here and you can trust me" Abigail said as she hugged me tightly.

"I know. I'll tell you one day but, not now" . I said. We just lay like that listening to the sound of my air conditioner and box fan and soon I felt myself slowly drifting off to sleep.

("Reaper 1-1 this is Bulldog 2-6 over".
"Bulldog 2-6 this is Reaper go ahead over".

"Yeah, Reaper I've got a visual on a dark blue van driving towards our OP at a high rate of speed,there any friendlies in the area over?".

"Ahh... Negative bulldog that area should already be evacuated".
"Copy that Reaper stand by".)

The sun was shining through the window hitting my face as I woke up.
Sitting up I realized that Abby was still sound asleep sprawled out across my bed lightly snoring.

I eased out of bed and made my way downstairs towards the kitchen.
Mom was sitting at the counter drinking some coffee and surfing her tablet.

"Morning mom" I said as I grabbed my own cup.
"Morning Clay how did you sleep?" She asked as I sat down.

"Good I guess" I said taking a sip.
"Clay can I ask you a question?" Mom asked closing her tablet.

"Sure mom".
"I'm not being pushy am I?" She seemed nervous.
"Well a little, but I guess it's ok" I said looking down at my small dainty hands gripping my large Marine Corps mug.

"I'm sorry, I just got so excited when I saw you carrying that dress bag the other day I guess I got carried away and didn't even ask if you were comfortable with it" she was looking into her coffee cup.

"It's ok mom, It's not like I'd be able to ignore the obvious for ever".
"But you know you can say no right we'll figure something out?" Mom said looking at me.

"Mom it's ok, I've already worn the dress and it didn't kill me so I guess I'm committed. Maybe being a girl won't be that bad I just need to get use to it in my own time".Mom smiled.

"I just don't want you to feel rushed is all".
"I know, even though yesterday was scary and strange I actually kinda enjoyed it" I felt myself warming as the words left my mouth.

"You did?" Mom was looking at me.
"Well at first I was apprehensive but there were a few times where I actually felt, normal. It felt good to relax and just enjoy the moment".

"I'm happy to here that, honestly Clay I've been worrying about you constantly. Wondering is this the day I find your body where you've given up on us" Mom was starting to tear up.

"Oh mom no I promise you I will never do that too you or dad or anyone. This whole thing is just new and it's scary thinking about what the future holds but I just need to figure out my new place and it'll happen in time but I promise you don't have to worry about me like that" I said tearing up myself as I leaned over and hugged my mom patting her on the back".

"I'm so happy to hear that" she sobbed as she hughed me tight".

"I promise I'll figure this thing out one day mom.But I'm not dating Justin" I said flatly.
Mom chuckled while wiping her eyes"I never expected you to" she said as we broke apart laughing. "Me and your dad watched him following you around and staring at you like a love struck puppy and wondered how long it'd be before we had to save him from a butt kicking".

"Well you could have told me" I said groaning.
"Now what would be the fun in that" Mom laughed.

About that time dad cane in from the back door."morning son" he said.

At least someone treats me normal still.
"I'm gonna hang out here and work on Betty till you guys get ready and I'll meet you at the church" dad said.

"Betty" Is dad's project car, Nineteen sixty six Chevy Chevelle SS. It was dads dream car and he finally found a decent project over in Arizona the year before.

"Hey dad if you need some company I'll help" I said.
"Oh no you don't our salon appointment is at nine and if we're lucky they'll get us done in time to not be rushed getting to the church and finishing getting ready" Mom said.

"It can't take that long the wedding doesn't start till six tonight" I laughed which got a funny look from mom.

"Oh sweetie you're going to learn about what you've been missing out on all these years now skedaddle on upstairs and get something comfortable on and no tight T-shirts you'll need something you can take off without messing up your hair or makeup" mom said ushering me and Abby who had literally just arrived in the kitchen, back upstairs.

I was standing in my room trying to figure out what to wear cause all I had were hanes work Tshirts so I didn'thave anythingto wear.

I knew what I had to do.
I walked down the hall to Abby's room and knocked.

She opened the door.
"Hey whats up?" She asked standing there in her bra and panties.
Before my change seeing, well when I was a teenager "I don't want to sound too much like a creeper" a girl as pretty as Abby standing there like she was would have gotten my motor running.

But standing there I didn't feel anything, nothing at all. She was just, my sister now.
"Ah.. I don't have any loose shirts" I said.

"Oh well come on in and I'll help you find something" she said.
I walked in and saw how much my brothers old room had changed.

The room still had the same paint and blue carpet but there were some decorations that pretty much let you know this was definitely now a girls room.

She was looking through her closet.
She didn't have a large wardrobe but it was definitely bigger then mine. She got an employee discount at the shop she worked at and the other regular clothing shops that Mrs. Sally also owned so her collection had grown a bit.

"I don't have any clean blouses at the moment. Here" she said grabbing a hanger that had a shirt and some other stuff on it.

"I pre make my outfits for the week so all I have to do is grab a hanger here's a light tank top that's easy to get on and off wear what you want and if you need any shoes just grab a pair" she said handing me the hanger and pointing towards the row of shoes lined up neatly along the wall before returning to her closet and grabbing another hanger.

Greg had always been a bit of a neat freak even when we were kids so this didn't surprise me at all.

I walked back to my room and lay the outfit on my bed. I pulled the shirt off the hanger "Sublime" haven't listened to these guys in a while. I thought.

I was going to just grab a pair of jeans and my work boots when I took stock of the other articles of clothing on my bed.

I picked up the denim shorts and looked at them and then the black tights that were also on the hanger. Then I looked at myself in the mirror.
I had seen Abby in this outfit before and honestly she looked great. She's only slightly taller then me but for the most part me and her are the same clothing size.

I looked around as curiosity got the best of me.like a naughty little kid about to do something she's not supposed to I stripped down to my underwear. First the tights, then the short shorts and finally the shirt.

"Wow I look pretty cute" I can't believe the words had just come out of my mouth but they did. I was standing there twisting and turning as I looked at myself when suddenly the door that I had forgotten to lock opened up.

"Hey clay do you st......"Abby looked at me and a huge smile came to her face.
She stepped back shut the door and then knocked. Abby had been working on regaining her manners for a while but even before her change and everything else knocking wasn't her strong points.

When we were kids Greg was like another family member and when he'd come over there was never a need for knocking or anything and as they say old habits die hard.

I walked over and slowly opened my door.
"Ah... yes?" I could tell I was as red as a tomato.
"I was gonna see if you still had my ear buds" she was smiling.

"Ah...I think they're in moms car".
"Oh ok, the boots I usually wear with that outfit go best with it" she said as she walked towards the stairs.

Abby was wearing a pair of denim shortalls a Nirvana Tank top and a pair of white converse sneakers.

I closed my door and started looking at myself in my mirror. I had to admit I had the legs for it.

I walked over to Abby's room and found the brown two inch buckled ankle boots that Abby usually wore with the outfit.

I sat in her desk chair and put them on.
As I sat there I got a funny tingly feeling as I rubbed my tights covered legs together.

I just sighed as I stood up.
The shoes had a normal boot heel so they weren't hard to walk in and I had to admit they really made the outfit.

About that time Abby came in her room and smiled when she saw me.
"My little sister is finally coming out of her shell" she said as she walked over to her makeshift vanity over on the mirror dresser and grabbed her purse.

"You ready or have you changed your mind?" She asked.
I took a deep breath.

"I'm ready" I smiled.
"Yippee" she said with a little jump then giving me a quick hug before walking out.

I followed behind her down the stairs and mom was already to go. She looked up at us and smiled as she motioned towards the door.

I had to admit that this outfit felt a lot cooler then what I was use to a lot less restrictive and lighter if you will.
Not long after we were on our way to the beauty salon that Cheyenne had booked our appointments at.

Mom and Abby made small talk. Every now and then they would ask my opinion on something but for the most part I was left to my own thoughts.

I kept looking at the clothes and admiring the different feelings. I had never worn anything like this other then the night before but with everything going on I didn't have time to really take stock of things. I never felt both covered and exposed at the same time before but honestly I liked this. It was hard to admit but I actually liked the feeling. The snug and loose, warm and cool, my exposed skin it was all so new.

We soon arrived at the salon and walked inside. As I walked in I saw someone I hadn't seen in weeks.

My ex girlfriend Heather .
She saw me about the same time and I saw the look of pain on her face.

Me and her had been together for almost three years and we did love each other.
But after the change there was no longer any attraction.

We tried one night, a few days after my change but it was just way too awkward. Neither one of us had any idea what to do. Even after watching a video we found out very quickly that neither one of us are lesbians.

There just wasn't anything down that road anymore so we just decided to be friends instead.I could tell she was still heart broken. Her sister drunk called me one night to cuss me out blaming me for changing like I did and hurting her sister.

Megan has always been a lightweight, three or four beers and she's gone for the night so I just let her ramble.

It hurt me to hear how she was crying every night though.
She walked over to me.
"Hey Clay how have you been?" She said giving me a quick hug.

"I'm ok I guess just learning how to handle this mess" I said nervously scratching the back of my head.

"Well from the looks of things you seem to be doing very well" she smiled
"It's definitely different. So are you working here now?" I asked.

"Yep, going on my second week" she sounded happy.
"So what brings you in today?" She asked.
"You know my cousin Cheyenne right?"

"Yes I remember her".
"Well she roped me into being one of her bridesmaids".
"Wow thats awesome, it's really fun..... being a bridesmaid" she sounded happy and sad at the same time.

Not long after we arrived the other girls started to arrive as well.
I just kinda sat there waiting for my turn as the other ladies were just chatting.

I found myself watching their mannerisms and how they moved.
The subtle jesters an hand movements.
The smells and sounds it was just an interesting experience. The funny part was I didn't feel out of place.

I found myself laughing at the conversation and actually giving my awkward at times two cents from a former male perspective.
Mom was right I have a lot to learn about all this.

After a while it was finally mine and Abby's turns in the chairs.
Abby was as giddy as, well you know....

I was taking it with a grain of salt still but I was trying to relax and enjoy the experience.

I had already had my nails painted.
All I can say is when it came to the pedicure foot bath and scrub I had no idea why I never knew about such a thing.

I had to go into the bathroom to take off the tights I was wearing and that made me a little irritated but dang was it worth it.

So there I sat with my fingernails done in what they called french tips and my toenails painted to match my hair.

"So what are we doing high and tight, buzz cut?" I asked in a serious tone.
"Ah... clay we ca...."

"Mom I'm kidding,yesh relax" I giggled which caused Heather who was about to do my hair to also laugh.

"So what do you want" Heather asked looking over my shiny aqua blue mane.
"I honestly don't know so what ever you think will look the best" I said.

"That will work for me as well Heather" Mom said.
"Ok then lets see what we can do here".
She studied my hair for a few minutes, she looked on her phone and pulled out some type of manual and just really looked me over good.

"Ok your hair is pretty, but there is way too much blue" She said.
"Gee I haven't noticed" I said in mock surprise.

"So what I am thinking is we go with a half up half down waterfall with a cross braid and we color this lower portion ice white" she said showing me a picture on pinterest.

It looked really nice and it would actually break up the solid blue and make it to where I wouldn't stand out so much.

"Looks good to me" I said.
"That's very pretty Heather but do we have time?" Mom asked.

It was almost one o'clock.
"Oh yes we have plenty of time but we need to get started now" she said.

So thats how it went.
After my hair was done I was brought over to the makeup counter and had my makeup done.

It was tasteful with hints of this and that which accentuated my different characteristics.

Mom was almost ready to cry when she saw the final results. Mom like most women has always wanted a daughter.
I know that's kinda cliche but its the truth.

I was still a tad bit uncomfortable at that time but seeing the absolute pure joy on her face made my heart melt.
I was actually glad I had agreed to do this.

I looked in the mirror.
I know I'm still me, but I also know that I'm gonna have to learn to also be the girl standing there in the mirror.

This whole time Cheyenne had been in the bridal room at the back of the shop and none of us had seen her.

But oh my God when she came out of that room I can only say the word angel.
She had a long flowing ponytail curled and twisted into an extremely beautiful updo with flowers and bands and just wow.

Her makeup was absolutely flawless and the white sun dress she was wearing matched it perfectly. Needless to say no one was out doing this bride on her special day.

Well after all was said and done we still had two hours to finish getting ready. The actual wedding wouldn't start till six but all the guests were gonna start arriving around five so we needed to get there and get dressed and everything before hand.

Mom couldn't stop gushing about how beautiful her girls "me and abby" looked and how she couldn't wait to see us all dolled up.

I have to admit their excitement was contagious cause I soon found myself also becoming excited to see what the final result would be once I was all dressed up.

Who would have ever thunk it right?

We soon arrived at the church.
There were already a few cars in the parking lot and people were kinda milling around outside as we all walked in through the back door.

We all went to the back room where our dresses had been left the night before.
Mom helped me get my shirt off cause she didn't want me messing anything up.

She did the same for Abby as I started to get dressed in the underwear that came with the dress.

it wasn't long before mom was zipping me up. I had already put the shoes on before putting on the dress so I was done.

Me and Abby went out to the main hall and waited with the others.
I wasn't really interested in the conversations that were taking place so I just kinda stood there.

I was standing there when I noticed Justin walking into the church. He was wearing a grey long sleeve button up shirt with a dark brown Vest and brown loafers.

I felt myself flush a bit as I looked at him.
I don't know why but I felt funny when I saw that cut... that smile he had as he approached me.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I yelled to myself.
"Hey" He said as he walked over.
"Oh ah.. hey Justin" I stammered slightly.

"Ah I don't mean to sound weird or anything but you look amazing" he said with a nervous smile.

"Oh, thanks" I felt that funny feeling in my stomach again.
"Hey justin" I said getting ahold of myself.
"Yeah.. I mean yes?"

"Look I know what's going on" I said.
"I get it I do I'm just not... I can't do that" I felt bad telling him this but I had to for my own good.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be pushy it's just I can't help it you're...." he motioned towards me.

"I know, I'm sure I'd be the same way in your shoes but I'm not ready for this" I said.
"I understand, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable" He was scratching the back of his head.

"It's not that you're making me uncomfortable its just I'm completely lost on how to handle this" I said throwing my hands up.

"I just need some time to get my head straight" I said.
"Friends"I asked putting my hand out.

"Friends" he said as we shook hands.
"You still coming this weekend?" He asked.

"I'm planning on it" .
"Cool we're having karaoke and a few of the guys I know from school have agreed to come out and play with their band" we were walking towards the rest of the people.

"Cool beans, I'm just looking to take a break from everything" I said.

We hung around the other's before Aunt Maggie made us all head towards our designated spots as more and more people started to arrive.

Soon the place was packed and I felt nervous. I didn't know half the people there but there were quite a few who knew me.
Soon enough the music started and we all did our part.
I still had to smirk at Kylie in her cute little flower girl dress with her pink hair in an updo with flowers in it, he looked miserable.

And Cheyenne looked amazing. Her dress was absolutely beautiful and she moved so gracefully down the aisle. Steven let out a gasp when he saw her for the first time.

I noticed that all eyes were on her, all eyes except one pair standing right across from me on the other side of the stage.

He smiled at me and my heart fluttered.
"Stop it Clay" I said to myself.
I couldn't help the feelings that had been coming over me.

I had been ignoring things for weeks.
Little brushes of clothing or a stray finger when wiping or cleaning,certain movements as I walked or did daily task.

It was getting harder and harder to ignore these feelings. I've almost given into curiosity a few times but I just couldn't bring myself to cross that line but for some reason every time Justin glances at me, that smile, his smell.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" I quietly mumbled to myself.
The wedding ceremony went as you would expect one to.

I do's were said and a kiss was had.
After that we all shuffled towards the reception hall and as we walked mom walked up behind me.

"You ok?" She asked as I stopped.
I turned and looked at her seeing a concerned face.

"I don't know mom, can we talk?" I asked.
She looked around and nodded towards her suv luckily it was parked on pavement.

We walked over and got in where we knew we had some privacy.
"You nervous?" She asked.
"That obvious?".

"Well you blush real easy now and you were as red as a tomato up there earlier, what's wrong sweetie?" She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Mom, I don't know what's going on with me" I went to wipe my eyes but she stopped me. Pulling out a tissue she started to dab at the tears that were starting to form.

"Well why don't you try and we'll go from there" she smiled.
"Mom I... I... think.... I'm. I think I'm Gay" I looked away ashamed of myself.

"Ah.. ok. Who is it?" She seemed genuinely curious.
"I'm having these feelings, I'm not stupid I know what they are but I've been afraid to allow myself to you know...." I nodded down there.

"I understand Clay believe me. You're a young woman and just like all teenagers you're going to have these urges and thats perfectly fine".

"I know but I'm afraid to even look down there much less, that" I felt my face getting warm just thinking about it.

"I understand its scary Clay but it's a natural part of life and there really is only one way to handle these urges".

"If you need me too, I've already helped your sister with this issue and I can..." she stopped when I looked at her in horror.

"Oh no no Clay nothing like that" she burst out laughing.
"Abby came to me with the same issue not long ago and I bought her a "personal aid" she used air quotes.

"Oh, I never figured you to be the laid back cool mom" I laughed a little.
"My mom helped me and all women know the struggle just remember its a private issue ok" mom put her finger to her lips.

"If you want me too I will but if not" she shrugged.
"I... think I need something, I know its weird but im just not comfortable with the idea of useing my hand to do something so..." I shook a little.

"I'll stop by the same store I bought Abby's at, I'll leave it in your night stand and what you do with it will be your business".

"Thanks mom, I just need some relief".
"It's ok" she said pulling me into a hug.
"I'll always be here for you Clay. And thank you for trusting me with this it means a lot" she had a smile on her face, the smile of a proud mom.

"Now that we have all that out of the way, what little lady has got you all hot and bothered" mom sounded like a gossipy teenager.

"Ah mom, It's... not a... well its not a girl" I really felt myself blushing as I tried to sink into the car seat.

"Ahh... oh" she seemed surprised.
"I ah... when I see him I feel even more.... well you know" I nodded downwards.

"Really, let me guess Justin?".
I slowly nodded.
"Well on the bright side you're not gay at least" she chuckled.

"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Clay, look at yourself" she said folding down the car mirror.

"You tell me if you saw yourself and Justin walking together out in public would you think gay couple?"

I didn't want to admit it but I shook my head no.
"Clay you are an absolutely beautiful young woman and Justin is a very handsome young man".

"I know mom" I wanted to cry but I couldn't mess up my makeup.
"I think right now you're just really really horny" mom said very bluntly.
"Mo...MOM!" I squealed in embarrassment.

"Well it's the truth" she laughed.
"Look sweetheart, right now you're still learning about your body and at the moment your mind like most teenagers minds is on one thing ".

I vigorously shook my head not wanting to admit it but knowing she was right at the same time.
"Once you "calm down" she did her air quotes again. "Your mind will be less fuzzy, you'll think clearer and Justin won't have such an effect on you".

"You don't have to rush into anything or anyone but if you do find that certain someone that makes you happy and you want to be with them me and your dad will be here for you just take your time and make sure you're doing it for you understand?" She asked.

"Thanks mom, I really don't know what's wrong with me".
"You're a teenager again" she laughed
"Yeah, I mean yes jason is... is...

"Is?" She drew out the word.
"He's cute ok!" I hated to admit it but its true."Ever since I realized what was up last night he's been on my mind and I keep imagining..." I really felt hot on that one.

"Clay calm down it's just your hormones" mom rubbed my back.
"I mean I don't want to be attracted to guys but mom I just can't keep my eyes off of him".

Mom was just watching me have my little brake down.
"Like I said Clay, your hormones are on overdrive cause you haven't taken care of yourself and believe it or not women need attention just like men do it's only natural".

"I know I just..." I took a deep breath.
"Look I won't tell you one way or another when it comes to justin,Personally I would rather you wait a few years until you're both older but If you decide to give him a shot thats completely on you. all I ask is that you be careful and make sure its you who is making the decision and not horny you understand?" She asked patting my hand.
I nodded.
"And yall better use protection you hear me?"
"Yes mamma, I understand" I sniffed.
"Ok enough drama lets get going before all the good food is gone".
I nodded and we both got out of the car.
I felt better after my talk with mom. I'm not interested in any relationship right now especially with a guy. But I also know that being in a relationship is inevitable and.... oh nevermind.

We walked back inside and found a table with dad and Abby.
Steven and Cheyenne were in the middle of listening to John Parker ,Stevens best man give his speach.

People were laughing as we walked in so I'm guessing we missed some funny stuff.
"Hey where'd you guys run off to?" Dad asked.

"We had to use the bathroom" mom said shooting him a look and I saw dad immediately knew what that ment cause he just nodded and went back to watching the show.

Food was brought over to our table by the wait staff. Bbq ribs with all the fixings you could imagine. It never fails if you want a good meal in the south you go to a wedding or a funeral.

Mom had to show me how to eat while wearing lipstick.she ended up having to help fix my makeup later but dang was that food worth the inconvenience.

After dinner and the speeches there was music. The band was pretty good for a local group.

They did a cover of gimme three steps and this guy named Grant who is one of Stevens cousins came over and asked Abby to dance. She blushed and looked nervous but mom motioned go for it and she stood up and walked over with him.

"He's cute but not as cu..." I had to stop the thought as it crossed my mind.
I looked over and saw Justin sitting across the way at the table with his parents.

I hate to admit it but I kinda wanted him to ask me to dance but he seemed to have taken our little conversation to heart and just waved at me.

A few other guys all family of the groom asked me to dance but I declined them playing the shy card.

After the dance aunt Maggie called all the bridesmaids to the center of the floor and told us to line up.

I knew what was coming and I stood off a little to the side as Cheyenne got into position. Aunt Maggie saw me trying to sneak away and gently pushed me back with the others which got some laughs from the crowd.

Cheyenne got ready and I expected it to go to someone else but just like in some cheesey romantic movie when she threw the bouquet it came sailing towards me.

I caught it but like a fast paced game of hot potato I tossed it right into the waiting arms of Lisa and that got even more laughs.
"Looks like someone's not ready to get hitched yet" aunt Maggie said into her headset microphone.

I couldn't help but smile as I returned to my mom and dad to the sound of applause and laughter.
After pictures and all the other events it was about eleven o'clock by the time we all piled back into moms suv.

I was so tired after I got cleaned up and the makeup off I just collapsed into my bed and fell asleep almost immediately in nothing but a bra and panties
----------
"She's so pretty" I gushed at the little one in my arms.
"Just like her mother"I looked up and saw Justin leaning over us.
I looked at the little girl in my arms with her striking blue hair and beautiful eyes.
Suddenly the baby changed. She was now around three or four and screaming missing her left arm and had her insides hanging out with blood all over me and the ground.

"What's.... going on?" I was confused.
"Where am I?"
"What's wrong blue?" Justin was wearing a chest rig and helmet.

"Whats Happening?" I asked as the hospital room disappeared and was replaced by desert.
And the bed replaced with the turret of a HMMWV(humvee).

The heat, the smells the sound of the radio it all came back. I'm still my female self but now wearing my old combat gear.

"Cotton light em up!"
"No. No don't.... don't shoot please stop don't do it"I screamed at myself as I lined up the sights of my .50 on that old blue van.
----------
I sat up gasping like I couldn't breathe.
It was just barely light out as I looked down at my hands that were shaking in the early morning light while tears streamed down my face.

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck" I whispered trying to get the memory to go away. "Damn you Clay, damn you" I sobbed.