*Gothic Sister*

 
 
"So let me get this straight, you want me to be your girlfriend?”
"Just for the weekend,” Rory reaffirmed.
"And just why do you think I'd want to do that, beyond the obvious?”
"You get to go to the Festival for free?”
Well okay, it would be cool to go to Gothfest, the tickets sold out months ago so a freebie would be ace.
"Okay, you’ve got me there, Jane dumped you again I suppose?”
Jane’s my half sister, everyone assumes we’re twins as we share the same birthday, but in fact its only a wedding that relates us. Certainly made school interesting.
"No,” he replied defensively, "But you know she’s not into the scene, she’s going to London with the girls instead.”
"So what's with the girlfriend bit?”
"I've told everyone I'm taking my girlfriend.”
"Everyone like that moron Joseph with the top hat?”
"He’s not a moron, and the tickets are named, I sent off for them months ago.”
"Without asking Jane first I guess?”
"Maybe.”
"Couldn’t I just be ‘J Askwith’?”
"Yeah well about that.”
"What did you do?”
"Well you know they had that thing with the forgeries last year?”
"Yeah?”
It’d been all over the papers, something like five thousand punters had paid fifty quid a throw for forged tickets, there’d almost been a riot.
"Well they wanted photo’s, you know to id people?”
"And?”
"Well I scammed a pic off the net.”
"Who looks nothing like my sister?”
"Its not that so much.”
"What is it so much?”
"Easier to show you,” he pulled an envelope out his pocket, Rory handed it to me.
I opened it and withdrew the hallowed tickets. They really had gone to town to prevent forgeries this year, barcodes, names and across one end, a colour picture of the ticket holder. The top ticket was very recognisably Rory but the second…
"Geez Ror, couldn’t you have just found some random woman?”
"I thought I might convince Janey to dress up.”
The picture was a good likeness – of a Goth Goddess, it was only head and shoulders but there was no avoiding her girlish assets.
To be so close to going but so far, I might’ve even put a wig on to pretend to be my sister but this. I studied the ticket more closely, shit, Ro really went for it, full weekend, all venues for himself and "Trixiebell Heartswoon?”
"Well I thought it’d be a laugh.”
"For who? Geez its no wonder Jane said no.”
"So you think its a no go then?” he posed.
"Correctomundo dickhead, number one I'm not a girl, number two I'm not a girl and number three...”
"You’re not a girl,” Rory finished, "Guess it’ll be wasted then.”
He took ‘Trixie’s’ ticket and with a sigh went to tear it in half.
"Whoa! don’t do that!”
"Why?”
Why indeed?
"Er maybe we could find you someone else, someone better equipped for the job?”
"Tried everyone I know.”
"Nice to know I'm so far up the list,” I allowed.
"There is no one else Zak.”

To be honest I'm surprised he had a list. In fact I don’t see what Janey see’s in him, like me he’s a dedicated war gamer besides being into the Goth scene. My sister on the other hand is something of a disco diva, a girly girl, their common ground is me. what’s weird is I've known Rory longer than my ‘twin’, our parents got together when we were eight, I went to nursery with Ro.
 
 
I checked around the house again, all the curtains are closed, Mum’s gone to see Gran over in Mansfield and Jane’s at work, she’s some sort of manager at the Ibis. Me, well after Uni, a 2.1 in BSc Applied Mathematics, I'm the high-flyer, part time barista at the hospital coffee bar. The three of us live in the family home just outside Chessy – ironic really, Mum got custody of both of us when she divorced Dad, that’s Janey’s dad not mine, when we were fifteen, anyhow, having secured the house from curious neighbours I headed upstairs.
Half an hour later I was stood in front of Mum’s full length mirror wearing a dress ‘borrowed’ from my sister, my Dockers and the worst make-up job you’ve ever seen. Yep, you’ve guessed it I thought I'd give Trixie a try – nothing ventured as they say. Talk about a parody, I look like the worst Goth chick ever. Its not that I'm a rugby player or anything, quite the opposite, I'm the short arsed skinny dweeb, that aside I looked like a bloke in a dress with make-up and hair by a five year old.
"What the fuck are you doing in my dress!” Janey screamed.
what’s she doing here, sugar, its Wednesday, she does a split shift, "I can explain!”
"This I have got to hear, so lets have it Zak or is it Zoe?”
"Can I get changed first?”
"Oh no, you don’t think I'm falling for that, sit!”
Oh well, it was worth a try.
 
 
It didn’t take long to go through my tale, the offer of the Gothfest ticket, the picture on said ticket and my decision to give Trixiebell Heartswoon a try. For siblings we don’t argue much, despite or possibly because we aren’t directly related. By the end of my explanation she was almost in hysterics.
"So Rory didn’t put you up to this?”
"Not exactly.”
"So when is this gathering of darkness Trixie?”
"That weekend you go to London, can I get changed now?”
"Whoa, not so fast princess,” she pushed me back down onto the bed.
"What now?”
"This weekend, its some big thing yeah?”
I nodded.
"And my boyfriend has already paid for the tickets?”
"Months ago,” I agreed.
"Well with planning like that I think he deserves to take his dream girl to Whitby don’t you?”
"You’ll go?”
"Don’t be so soggy bro, his dream girl, Trixiebell Heartswoon!”
"Er how?”
She stood me up and turned me towards the mirror, "Bro, meet Trixie!”
"Yeah like that's working,” I scoffed.
"I never said it would be easy.”
"Just saying I agree, I look nothing like the ticket photo.”
"We’ll just have to make sure you do, you got a copy of this picture?”
"Its on the net, shouldn’t be too difficult to find.”
 
 
"Ror, I think I've found you a girlfriend!” I announced loudly, passing him a pint of some obscure ‘artisan’ beer.
"Shush idiot, Amy’s round in the other bar.”
Amy’s my sisters best friend, we all went to school together, it was hardly a surprise she was in the Robin Hood, her parents run it.
"So like I said, I think I've found someone for the ticket.”
"Jane showed me the picture, there’s no way man.”
I was not best bit amused when Janey took the picture but after she explained her plan, whilst still dubious I went along with it.
"Not me you dumbcluck!”
"So come on then, who is this mystery girl? When do I get to meet her?”
"Someone I know at the Hospital,” that's the cover story I’d agreed with Jane, I could at least ad lib some back story that way.
"And?” he pressed.
"She’ll meet you at the station on the Friday but there’s a couple of conditions.”
"Why not before?”
I shrugged, "She’s working shifts.”
"What conditions?” he asked cautiously.
"One, no funny stuff.”
"As if! Jane’d have my balls on a spoke, what else?”
"You pay for everything.”
"Everything?”
"That’s the deal for being your arm candy in front of Joseph and co. you’d be paying for my sister anyway right?”
"I guess so, is that it?”
"That’s it, shall I tell her yes?”
"She’d better look better than you in a dress.”
"Most definitely,” I told him.
"So what are you two talking about?” Janey asked plonking herself on Rory’s knee.
"Er nothing much,” Ro supplied.
"Be a love and get me a drink?”

"So?” she asked once Ror was despatched to the bar.
"Hook, line and sinker, look J are you sure about this?”
"Oh ye of little faith little bro.”
"But?”
"Trust me.”
Last time I did that mum grounded me for a month, I know that won’t happen this time but it doesn’t fill me full of faith.
 
 

"These are all that same girl,” I noted handing the prints back to Janey,” where’d you get them?”
"Its amazing what you can find on the internet.”
"So what’re we doing?”
"You are learning how to do your make-up.”
"What for?”
"Well duh, you don’t think girls put it on once and that's it?”
"Course not, you’re always mucking about with it.”
"And you’ll have to put it on yourself while you’re away,” she pointed out.
 
 
"I still look like me.”
"Hmm,” Janey offered once again comparing the pictures to my fizz-ogg, "We might have to go to plan B.”
"Plan B?”
"You really want to go to this thing?”
"Er yeah,” I allowed cautiously.
"Okay, so you trust me right?”
"I guess, what are you cooking up?”
"Making you look like Trixiebell whatsername.”
"Heartswoon,” I filled in.
"Yeah, Heartswoon. Look at the pictures, tell me what you see.”
I took the pictures and compared them, they were clearly the same girl although wearing different stuff and make-up in some of them, "I can’t believe that's really her name.”
"Probably a stage name of some sort, so?” she prompted.
"Well she’s quite pretty.”
"I already know that, what else dumbo, how would you describe her to mum?”
"Okay,” I looked again, "Pink hair, she’s drawn her eyebrows on and she’s got some piercings.”
"Anything else?”
I looked again, "Nice rack?”
"Boys!”
"Sorree,” I offered in meek defence.
"Okay, so to make you look like her you need the same.”
"Whoa, hang on sis, don’t you think that's going a bit far?”
"You want Rory to spot its you straight off?”
"Not at all preferably. Mum’ll go apeshit.”
"She won’t have to know.”
"How, even if I do agree to it, is she gonna miss me looking like that?”
"You take a trip.”
"A trip?”
"Yeah, visit some uni mate or something ‘cept you don’t you come to the hotel and stay there, we’ll do your transformation there – you could even still go to work.”
"And exactly how do I pay for a hotel room?”
"Managers perks?”
Damn, this is getting serious, dying my hair, piercings and Janey’s already coughed out for some boobs. Oh well, what the heck.
"Okay.”
"That's my girl! We can get you immersed in being a girl, you’ll be a regular Goth princess.”

 
 
With that agreed, the next couple of weeks passed by quietly, Janey accumulated my ‘wardrobe’ and I practised with the make-up and walking in the silly footwear I was supplied with. The weekend before Whitby I packed a bag, told everyone I was going to Bristol for a couple of weeks and found myself installed in a ‘staff’ room at the Ibis, a tiny box room in the attic.
"Right Trix,” my sister started, "There’s bleach in the bag, I'll come back after my shift and we’ll finish the job.”
"Bleach?”
"Dur, you don’t think you get hair that colour over that black, gotta strip the colour first then the real colour we want will take.”
"Er right, that’s what you meant by finish the job?”
"What did you think I meant?”
"Not sure,” I admitted.
"Right then, I'll bring pizza later.”
Well at least I'm getting fed.
 
 
I stared at my reflection, my natural hair colour is a mousey brown but I've dyed it goth black since uni but here, staring back at me, my face is surrounded by the palest, almost white curtain of hair – unnerving to say the least. Guess it’ll dye back easy enough. With Janey not expected back for several hours I got comfortable on the bed, slipped my earbuds in and cranked up The Cure.

"Whoa, interesting look bro.”
"Yeah,” I agreed, "Food?”
"On its way, lets get on with this, we can eat while it cures.”
My stomach wanted to complain but I could see the sense in that.
"Okay,” I sighed.
"Lets get in the bathroom then.”
Jane re-wet my hair and was soon massaging the dye through my hair.
"You can get breakfast downstairs in the morning,” she informed me as she used some cling film to wrap my hair.
"That’s gonna be a good look,” I suggested.
"You don’t get room service, you could practice being Trixie.”
She started dabbing something on my forehead.
"What’s that?”
"Just sorting your caterpillars.”
"Eh?”
"Eyebrows, sit there and I'll fetch the food.”
 
 
I had agreed to this makeover but I hadn’t expected things to move so quickly, not only is my hair now pink, nothing wishy washy but a vivid shade somewhere between hot pink and fuchsia but my eyebrows are gone, not trimmed or plucked, no removed completely with hair remover – I look like some sort of alien. And so of course the idea of a free breakfast set my stomach rumbling.
They say practice makes perfect and I have been practising the make up stuff for a couple of weeks so I made a fair job of the face painting. Dark red lips, a swoop of eyeliner and ruler straight brows drawn across my forehead – well I certainly don’t look like the Zak Askwith I know. Now dressing Trixie is another matter.
Simple seemed to be best for now, my wardrobe is almost entirely black so that bits easy enough at least. There was a shapeless dress with a white collar, I managed to get the tights on and the breast forms slopped into a plain bra giving me a bit of shape where it counts. The only hiccup was Little Zak, after some experimenting, changing from my boxers to close fitting girl pants and tucking him under, I felt ready to make Trixie’s debut.

 
 
"Ms Heartswoon, can I have a word please?” Janey requested as I exited the breakfast room. "Trix!” she emphasised.
"Er hi sis.”
"Not here,” she hissed, "Out the back.”
I followed her through the office and out into the car park.
"Looking good bro.”
"Har de ha.”
"I mean it, you certainly don’t look like my brother any more, well not too much.”
"How do you cope with these bra things?”
"You’ll learn.”
"I don’t actually want to.”
"Friday?” she teased.
"Alright, so what’s today?”
 
 
"Are you sure this is necessary?”
"Yes,” Jane told me for at least the third time.
"I don’t have to be Trixie.”
"Rory’s expecting a full on goth, goths have piercings, ergo you need piercings.”
There was some logic to that I guess, "But the whole lot?”
"Stop being a wimp.” here she comes, "Heya Dawn.”
"Hi Jane, Martin said you guys were here, so Trix, not keen on needles then?”
This was the cover story my sister dreamt up, the reason I was getting so much done in one go, I hate needles so as I'm likely to pass out might as well do everything. Well that's the idea.
"So lets get you marked up first.”
 
 
"Trix, wake up.”
"Hmm?”
"You’re finished,” Janey advised.
"Onwy er wun?”
"You passed out when Dawn got the needle ready, she’s done the lot.”
"Ot’s wom iv ma ong?”
"Well as you were out she did your tongue too, freebie.”
"Ot!”
"You’ll be able to talk properly in a couple of days.”
I just rolled my eyes.
Dawn came back through, "Oh good you’re awake, right here’s your care package, use the wipes morning and night and turn the jewellery at the same time but don’t play with them right?”
"A.”
"I'll make sure she doesn’t.” Jane replied for me.
"Well enjoy your piercings Trix.” she winked.
"Ank oo.”
 
 
I looked in the mirror, if the hair and make up hid Zak before with my new holes I couldn’t recognise me.
"Dawn said that you should be okay with different jewellery at the weekend.”
"Iffwen?” these flippin’ tongue studs, yes there’s two, are bloody annoying.
"You might want to match stuff to your outfits.”
"Er ow ack,” I pointed out.
"Stop playing with them,” Jane ordered.
Easy enough for you to say sister dear, you haven’t got a face full of metal and ears throbbing. I'd certainly had a number done on me, apart from my tongue I now sport a nostril, septum, middle of my upper lip, a pair of snake bites, dimples, tragus and a couple of lobe holes – oh and my navel. Yeah, talk about a pin cushion.
“An I ot is anige?”
“Er,” Janey look rather contrite, “you kinda got a tattoo.”
“Atoo! Ot er uck!”
“We’ll get it removed.”
“Ets ee it?”
I let her unwrap the bandage from my wrist, wincing a little as the pad was removed.
“Oo ot oo ee idding!”
Encircling my left wrist, yep all the way round, is about the girliest tattoo i’ve ever seen, a bit swollen and raw but easy enough to see. What is it? Oh you’ll love this, its a floral affair, tiny pink, purple, yellow and blue flowers with a vine linking the whole thing and running through the whole ‘TRIXIE’ in a floral script. I’m not a big tattoo fan but as they go this isn’t bad except its on me!
“Ot er oo inkin!”
“Well the real Trixie has one like it so, you know, authenticity?”
“An on, er int oor ith ere? Ee ath ite a oo ats.”
“No no, just that, well I think it looks cute.”
“Oo ave it en!”
“Dawn said to let it breath over night but keep it covered for a few days.”
So of course now my eyes a constantly drawn to my wrist, grrrr!

"Lets have a look at your tits.”
"Eye?”
"I want to check the edges are still stuck down.”
Oh I forgot to mention that didn’t I, before we went to see Dawn I had the ignominy of having my sister glue a pair of C cups to my chest. Apparently they should stay put for up to a month – not that I'll need them after next Sunday. In the meantime it looks like I get to experience the delights of bra wearing.
I bared my chest for inspection.
"Looking good Trix,” she allowed inspecting my new appendages.
"Oo ont a to all ee Ix I ere oo ow.”
"I can hardly call you Zak, and you need to get used to your name, don’t want any slip ups with Rory do we?”
"Es ot,” I sighed.
"Oh and I've got you a job for the week, we’re short a chambermaid.”
"Aimber ade? Oo ot oo be iddin!”
"You get paid and I can cover the room better.”
"I arnt oo at ike is.”
"Don’t see why not, I'll find you a uniform, Magda’ll show you the ropes.”
"Ane!” I moaned.
"I'll treat you to dinner at the Pincers,” she proposed.
Damn, she knows all my buttons, you’d think we really are twins.
 
 
And so the week was set, I'll be Magda’s laundry slave for six hours each day, changing bed linen, cleaning lavs and hoovering carpets. After two the days my own, which for me means hiding in my room listening to The Smiths. I can’t even pretend I'm still Zak in here, my dear sister confiscated all my lad stuff on Monday, right down to my wallet.
So I'm Trixiebell Heartswoon 24/7, not the real one in the US of course but I've got her hair, Janey tidied my mop up to match the photos on line, I have her most obvious piercings, apparently she has places I don’t have pierced too, so to all intents and purposes it will be Trixie who meets Rory on Friday. I’m not particularly hairy, I struggle to grow more than a bit of bum fluff, but what I did have, well that says it really, there’s hardly a hair left on me that's not pink and on my head.
 
 
"Come on,” Jane chivvied.
"Where’re we going?”
The swelling in my face is pretty much gone so at least I can talk almost normally.
"You’ll see.”
"Do I want to?”
"Come on.”
I wasn’t exactly keen to realise we were heading into town, the last thing I need is someone I know recognising me. as if reading my mind my dear sister returned to drag me onwards.
"No one’s going to recognise you Trix, come on.”
I let myself be dragged up towards the church but before we got that far Jane pushed me into a shop. Whilst I've never been in I recognised it as ‘Roots’, one of those places selling joss sticks and crystals.
"What’re we doing in here J?”
"This way,” she insisted.
 
 
"I can hardly breath.”
"Give over, I knew we’d missed something then I saw some goth types when I was out with Ror last night.”
The something was a corset and when I come to think of it she’s actually right, no self respecting goth this weekend will be sans corsetry. The example I'm now wearing, whilst constricting isn’t too extreme being more about fashion than body sculpting. After everything else its actually quite a small thing.
"He say anything?” I croaked out.
"Nada, wish I could see his face when you turn up at the station tomorrow.”
"You sure this is a good idea?”
She gave me a look, "You’re not backing out now, oh no.”
"I never said I was.” I offered in my defence.
"You do that and we’re going straight home.”
"To mum?”
That’s unlikely to end well given my current appearance, Mum’s got quite catholic tastes.
"Rory or mum, you’re choice.”
Hardly a choice.
 
 
I dragged my borrowed suitcase onto the platform feeling even more ridiculous than I have all week. Jane insisted I wear the corset over the full skirted frock she’d found in Oxfam, my make up is more intricate and my confidence as low as its been all week. I’ve ‘acquired’ various bits of jewellery, some from Janey but mostly from the charity shops so I clink and jangle as well as totter on my heels. Yup, no one’s going to mistake me for anything other than what I appear.
My tongue, itself wearing a pair of barbells, idly played with my cheek piercings, I paused to check my appearance in the glass front of the waiting room. Hair – check, make up – check, jewellery – check, I straightened my jacket and headed along to where the cause of all this was waiting.
"Rory?” I knowingly queried coming up to where my best friend was stood checking his phone.
He did a double take when he looked up and saw me, "I ah yeah.”
"Trixie, Trixiebell Heartswoon,” I offered my hand.
Then it was my turn to be surprised, instead of just shaking my black nailed fingers, he stooped to kiss my hand instead.
“Zak said you were beautiful, but not how much, er Rory Tobin, my er friends call me Ro.”
"You can call me Trix or Trixie.”
The train pulled in and we joined the queue to start our journey.
Well here goes nothing!
 
 

© Maddy Bell 26.04.17

 
 
*Gothic Girlfriend*

 
 
I watched the countryside passing the other side of the glass, the glass of a bus window. My ‘boyfriend’ has revealed himself to be a grade one tight wad, first it was the flask on the train up to York then this.
"What?” I almost snapped.
"Er nice view,” Rory suggested.
Well there was no arguing that, the view across the moors is pretty spectacular but having been sat on the bus for an hour and a half already I'm not comfortable. For starters my corset, whilst not tight digs in as soon as I get halfway comfortable and I've been dying for a wee for the last half an hour – both things I could’ve sorted on the train. And then of course I'm wedged between my case and cheapskate – my mood is not good.
"How much longer?”
“’Bout half an hour I think.”
Oh joy. I returned my attention to the view outside, mindlessly playing with my oral piercings.

"Here, grab this!”
I thrust my case at my travelling companion and made a hurried duck walk to the toilets, my bladder just about to burst.
"Ladies are round the other side luv,” an old chap mentioned at the door.
"Er right thanks,” I allowed with a more than slightly forced smile.
I reversed direction and a moment later – joined the queue for the ladies. Seems that many of our fellow travellers had similar issues, no doubt with similar urgency. Wetting my knickers was one thing, using the ladies another.
For why I hear you ask? Well in case you’ve forgotten I'm not exactly what I appear to be, I might look like Trixiebell Heartswoon, pierced, painted goth princess but I'm actually Zak Askwith, male of the species. Why am I stood in a queue for the ladies at Whitby station, think greed, a pushy sister and my lack of ability in the ‘no’ department and whilst I've been acting the part since last weekend this is my first time using public conveniences.
The queue shuffled forward, my need growing exponentially as I tuned out the conversations around me, almost hopping in desperation.
"Go on dear,” a woman wearing the full Victorian setup invited, "You look more desperate than me.”
"Er thank you,” I grimaced taking the cue to queue jump into the just vacated cubicle.
Of course that's just one hurdle when you’re dressed like I am, skirts up, tights down and hindered by the corsetry, I had barely hit the seat before my bladder released its contents. Note to self, avoid drinking too much. I finished up, redressing took longer than I'm used to of course and I soon joined the other users in front of the mirrors washing, rearranging and reapplying. For the umpteenth time today I looked at my reflection and wondered what the hell I'm doing.

"That’s better,” I allowed returning to where Rory was stood with our bags.
"Hey Trix,” he glanced up from his phone, "I've worked out how to get to the digs, its about fifteen minutes walk.”
Walk! In these shoes? Why did I let Janey talk me into this?
I plastered a smile on my face, "Best get on then,” I grabbed the handle of my case and set off.
"Er Trixie,” Rory called out, "Its er this way.”
I stopped, took a deep breath, counted to ten, turned around and headed back towards my mate.
"Lead on Mc Duff,” I invited.
“Zak always says that,” Ro mentioned, "Never heard anyone else say it.”
Sugar, I need to be more careful.
"Guess I've er caught it off him,” I suggested.
"Yeah,” dopey agreed, "So, how do you know Zak? He never said.”
"At the hospital, we er talk when I get my coffee.”
"He said you worked there, what department?”
What department indeed? "Er Haematology?”
"Cool, that's blood and stuff right?”
"And stuff,” I agreed.
We were but two of many in a tide of elaborately dressed Festival attendees, the full spectrum of Emo and Gothness, a strange counterpoint to the ordinary citizens sharing the streets. There were other men in female garb, I saw at least two but unlike me they weren’t even trying to pass, their beards a dead giveaway. I on the other hand, look about as male as Jessica Rabbit, no one’s going to mistake me for a bloke.
"This is it,” Ro announced.
I looked up at the building in front of me, and up, and up. Its not like there’s any choice in the matter, I'm here freeloading and I guess even beds in a B&B come at a premium this weekend. In my head we’d be staying somewhere like Janey’s workplace, a modern chain hotel but reality is never what you expect.
Dragging my case up the steps, I followed my benefactor into our accommodation.

"Sorry about the room,” Rory offered once we’d ascended to our home for the weekend.
It wasn’t a bad room, not big but the window overlooks the port area, it has a tiny en-suite and a double bed. Of course its a double, Ror was hoping to bring his girlfriend, my dear sister not some random girl his friend set him up with, the same friend who’s currently trying to square away sleeping in the same bed as his best mate.
"I'll take the chair I guess,” he offered.
Should I let him do that? I mean he’s coughed out for the tickets, the transport, the room and – damn it, he’s my best mate.
"We can share I guess, first sign of funny business and you’re outside.”
A look of relief crossed his face, "Thanks Trixie, best behaviour I promise, so erm I guess you need to unpack and stuff, I'll er just have a wee and um wait for you downstairs?”
"Where’re we going?”
"There’s a Siouxsie tribute band doing a gig I thought we could do.”
"Er okay,” I agreed, maybe not my favourite but cool enough.
"See you in a bit then.”
"Er yeah,” I mumbled following him to the door and locking it after him before collapsing onto the bed.

Of course, I can hardly go out in the same stuff I travelled in, blokes have it so easy, what am I saying, I am a bloke. Okay a bloke currently sporting tits and dressed like something from Twilight! I had vague ideas of just changing skirts, replace the cotton for maybe the sateen I think Jane called it.
My phone buzzed, a quick glance revealed it to be my sister, "Hello?”
"Trix? Can you talk?”
"Yeah,” I sighed, "Rory’s waiting downstairs, where’re you?”
"Train lav, you at the hotel then?”
"B and B,”
"So how’s it going then? I take it Ro’s not any the wiser?”
"Blatantly ignorant thankfully.”
"So what’re you guys doing now?”
"Going to some gig.”
"You changing?”
"I was just gonna change my skirt.”
"No way Trix, do the body-con and use the iron for some ringlets.”
"Really?”
"He’s bound to smell a rat if you don’t do something. Shit, we’re just coming into St Pancras, speak later, bye Trix.”
"Bye sis.”
Bugger, she’s right of course.

I carefully made my way down to the ground floor where I found Rory playing with his phone again.
"What’re you doing?”
"Just catching up with my Warhammer forum, thought Zak might be on,” he advised before looking up, "Whoa, hot chic-ca!”
"Why thank you, thought I'd make the effort.”
To be honest I feel like a trussed chicken, the ‘body-con’ is knee length and combined with the corset makes it impossible to do stairs or even walking very easily. And then there’s the neckline which exposes a good deal more chest than I possess – just the sort of outfit Trixiebell Heartswoon would wear – I guess for this weekend that’s me.
"So are we going then,” I prompted when he made no indication of moving.
"Er yeah, right, just put my jacket on.”

Rory is of the Victorian mode of Gothishness whilst I'm a disciple of The Cult school of EMO wear, skinny jeans and stuff but Trixie is well Trixie. If you were to try to describe it you’d be hard pushed to pin any label, there’s bits of allsorts but its still clearly on genre. But not just on genre but living it too.
"Bugger!”
"You all right?”
"These paths weren’t made for these shoes,” I opined having caught myself on a shop front.
The streets are now even busier with festival goers, everyone putting on the style for the evenings festivities. Pretty much everyone at least smiled greetings and once again I thought about how weird it was to be part of this, a step into an alternative universe of vampire worship, nineteenth century dress and late twentieth century popular music.
"Here,” Rory grabbed my hand and placed it on his arm.
Well I hadn’t planned on getting up close and personal but my tottering, restricted progress certainly became easier, I'll kill Janey for these shoes when I get home!

The gig was in some sort of meeting hall a street back from the fish market, passes were checked, scanned and confirmed and we joined the noise inside without further ado. We might be here together but together we most certainly are not, once inside I made that clear to anyone watching us.
"You want a drink?” Ro asked.
thoughts of a toilet visit in this getup put me off any idea of a pint alcoholic or otherwise, "Archers?”
"Right,” Rory allowed before heading to the bar.

Zak would’ve been down in the pit giving it his all – its just how he is, how I am, Rory right alongside but Zak’s not here. It might not be exactly my preferred music but I couldn’t help but start jigging around but Trixie dancing couldn’t be the same as Zak. Somehow I found myself doing a very sinuous thing, arms over my head, eyes closed almost rooted to the spot, yeah Trixiebell dancing is certainly different.

"Lets go eat,” a pumped Rory suggested.
The gig was only just over an hour and it seemed much less, I was not as er, sweaty as Zak would’ve been. And having not eaten since sharing Rory’s packed lunch on that damned bus my restricted belly even managed a rumble.
"Er okay,” I agreed eyeing the busy streets, "Where?”
"Hang on,” he pulled out his phone and wandered along the street to talk. It wasn’t a long conversation, "A mate of mine’s got a table at the Dolphin, we can eat with them.”
"Where’s that?” and who’s that?
"Just across the bridge, they’ve got a band on later.”
"Er okay.”

The Dolphin was heaving, as an official venue we had to do the ticket thing again, the door thing – he I think was built like the proverbial brick shithouse, carefully inspected everything and even seemed to check I had the right piercings. Anyhow we were allowed inside, into an atmosphere of beer and bon hommie.
"Ror!”
"Joe.”
Not that idiot? We have met several times, well Zak has at any rate, he’s one of those guys who takes things too far, wearing all the gear at an event is one thing but he wears the top hat and suit all the time, even to the supermarket. I think even Trixie’d dress down for that. Oh and Rory almost worships the bloke, god help my sister if they ever go further than friends with benefits.
We waded through the bodies to where Joseph and a motley bunch of Victogoths were sat around the window table.
"You made it,” Joe pointlessly stated.
"Yeah, just done the Bansheed gig,” Ror advised as they exchanged handshakes.
"This the girlfriend then?”
"Er no, she’s away in the Smoke , this is a, er, friend,” Ror paused, "Trix this is Joe Barnsley, Joe meet Trixiebell Heartswoon.”
"Very pleased to meet you Trixiebell Heartswoon.”
"Er thanks,” I advised inwardly throwing up, "And you, just Trixiebell will do.”
"Well Trixiebell, find a seat, you guys want a drink, Ror?”
"Old Badger.”
"Trixiebell?”
Mindful of the toilet issue I decided to stick to my schnapps and lemonade, "Archers with please.”
our ‘host’ headed for the bar and after a bit of shuffling I was wedged between a chap doing a Sherlock impersonation and a woman in full Victorian.
"Amanda,” she offered as I tried to get comfortable.
"Trixiebell.”
"I heard, bit of a mouthful.”
"Most people,” well my sister and Magda at the Ibis, "Call me Trix.”
"First time Trix?”
"Er yeah, I've wanted to come for ages,” I'm sure I heard her say ‘I bet’, "So when Ror offered me a ticket I jumped at it.”
"Offered a ticket?”
"I mean offered to get me a ticket.”
Joe returned with our drinks, "Here you go Trixiebell, I've added you two onto the food order.”
"Cheers Joe,” Rory mentioned.
Well it wasn’t as bad as I'd expected, the Victogoths were actually a nice enough bunch, I still think Joe is a dickhead lech but he did pay for our food. I felt somewhat out of place though, oh we’re all into Goth but whilst I'm at one end, everyone else at the table is of the more vanilla end of things. What I mean is that other than Joe they’re weekenders, they spend most of the time as normal citizens, I bet they even travelled in mufti only changing once they arrived here.

It was somewhat after the witching hour when things broke up, by which time I was need of Rory’s arm to stay vertical on the walk back to the digs. No I’m not drunk, I'll admit to happy – what do you expect after half a dozen shorts?

"You want the bathroom first?” Rory asked once we gained our room.
"Er no, I er have stuff to sort first.”
No kidding, I hadn’t really got this far in my head, the whole sleeping with the enemy thing. Jane supplied my pyjamas, decidedly unsexy grey with a teddy bear motif, Little Zak‘ll be well hidden at least. Then of course there’s the removal of cosmetics – of there’s ever a time when I'll be found out its tonight or in the morning.
Rory vacated the bathroom and I took his place. By the time I was cleansed, showered and dressed for bed Rory was busy storing the zzz’s, that’s a relief at least. I climbed under the covers, turned off the light and curled up as far from Rory as possible.

I woke up with a start and took a few moments to remember where I was. Cautiously checked to see where my bed mate was, thankfully still sawing at the air across the bed. I remembered the pub last night, I really am pulling this off, no one seems to have an inkling that I'm a Goth princess answering to the name Trixiebell Heartswoon.
It was tempting to stay under the duvet a bit longer but it occurred to me that without make up I'm more likely to be found out, regardless of my facial decorations and hair colour. Damn, I slipped off the bed, grabbed my make up bag and dashed to the bathroom, locking it behind me. I looked at the face in the mirror, two days Zak lad, two more days and this whole shenanigans will be over.

"Morning,” Rory offered having apparently waited out my use of the bathroom to reassemble Trixiebell Heartswoon.
"Morning, I'll see you down at breakfast.”
For Trixiebell, appearing relaxed still involves full make up but at least Jane had agreed that I didn’t have to wear the corset all of the time. For now at least that means I'm wearing that dress Trixie debuted in last week, you remember the one with the white collar. Well anyhow I can at least relax over breakfast.
"Boyfriend hungover lass?”
"Er, yeah a bit,” I allowed.
"Full English? Tea?” our landlady suggested.
"Please.”
"There’s juice and cereal on the dresser.”
"Um thanks.”
A couple of other tables were occupied by, what I'd say were weekenders – they were dressed in mufti but other than an exchange of greetings they ignored my outlandish appearance. I helped myself to juice by which time my tea was arriving.
"There you go lass, its nice to have a girl eat some food, most girls your age don’t eat a thing when they stay, fraid of putting meat on their bones, you’d think the old Count only went for well fed lasses!”
I shrugged, "I've got garlic?”
"Ha, ha, ha,” she chortled, "A sense of humour too, oops, best look at your food.”

Rory arrived at the same time as my breakfast.
"You look different this morning.”
"I do?” what have I missed, has he recognised me? "How?”
"Something, your hair, that's it, your hairs different.”
I sighed with relief, "I've not done it to go out yet.”
"So you sleep all right?”he went on pinching a piece of my toast.
"Er yeah, hands off.”
"Hungry after last night.”
"Well you didn’t exactly hold back with the beer.”
"Good night though eh Trix?”
Well I'll concede that.
"So what’re we doing today?” I countered.
"Gigs start lunchtime, whatever you like this morning.”
"I've never been to the Abbey, wouldn’t mind a look, we get free entry with our festival tickets.”
"Really? Tell you what, you go look for vampires and we’ll meet up later, there’s that gig Ray was on about last night, that German group.”
“Krankewere,” I supplied.
"That’s ‘em, they’re at the Rowing Club half twelve, meet you there?”
I looked at my wrist to check the time and found only my new tattoo, just you wait Janey.
"What time is it now?”
"Er half eight, oo brekkie!”
"You want more toast lass? I can see your man here has been pinching it,” the cook offered.
"No its alright, I'll just have some of his!” I quickly grabbed a slice of his fresh supply.
Half eight, out of here at nine, a good three hours to explore on my own.
I finished my food and headed back upstairs to get ready for the day - Trixie wouldn’t be seen dead dressed like this at Gothfest.

I've wanted to come to this weekend since Uni, I even tried to get a ticket a couple of years back but student finances don’t really allow for hundred quid festival tickets not if you want to eat and have a social life the rest of term. But now, whilst not exactly rich I've got the opportunity to experience the gigs and whole festival experience. I started walking towards the old town, I've learnt my lesson, I’m shod in the combat boots I managed to talk my sister into allowing.
Yesterday, last night really, bolstered my confidence, no one, in a town full of weirdo goths, looks more than twice at another pincushion goth gurl. Add in the pink hair, ornate make up and my goth with a twist of punk clothing, for 99% of the population that can only mean one thing which definitely isn’t Zak Askwith. I strolled along humming from Christ’s Supper’s set last night in the Dolphin, at one with the world.

The Abbey wasn’t open when I got there so I joined other early birds in a variety of mostly Victogoth outfits on enjoying the cliff top views and after a short look around St Mary’s church I made use of my pass to explore the Abbey ruins and the Cholmley mansion next door.
"Trixie.”
I squinted at my phone again, the last three tries at a selfie had come out so bad I binned them straight off.
"Trixie, I thought it was you.”
"Oh hi Amanda, you any good at taking photos?”
"I manage,” she grinned waving something with a lens the size of the Hubble telescope.
"Oh right, you think you could take one on here for me?”
"As long as I can take some with this too?”
"Er sure,” I allowed passing her my phone.
"Smile,” she instructed, "So where’s your boyfriend this morning?”
"Rory?”
"You’ve got more than one?”
"Er no, course not, he’s er, do you know he never said what he was doing, what about Ray?”
"Still sleeping the Dolphin off, thought I'd come and get a few shots before it looks like a vampire theme park up here.”
I giggled, "They do look a bit daft with the capes an’ all.”
We were wandering along now, Amanda taking shots of me, the abbey, the ‘vampires’ as we walked.
"So what’re you doing after this?”
"Hadn’t really thought, I'm meeting Rory for that gig Ray was on about last night but that's not till after twelve.”
"Snap, tell you what, why don’t we have a girly morning, bit of shopping, there’s a nice cafe with fresh cakes?”
its more of a plan than I started with.
"Won’t you get talked about, hanging out with the punk?”
"Let them, they’re only jealous.”
"Jealous? What of?”
"You of course, your hair, your piercings, your whole look.”
"You kidding me?”
"Nope, straight up, we’re all, what’s the term, like ice cream.”
"Vanilla?”
"Yes, vanilla to do anything so drastic, oh there’s a few nose rings, even the odd hair streak but secretly they, we, want to be you, young, not giving a toss as to what everyone else thinks.”
"Wish my mum thought like that,” I mumbled as we paused to let another overweight gent on top hat and cape wheeze past on the 199 steps.
"Take it she doesn’t approve?”
"Lets just say we agree to disagree on the subject,” not a lie, she tuts every-time she sees as much as a lip ring. she’d be apoplectic if she saw me at the moment.

I guess the old town area has developed in answer to demands, the Whitby Duck shop rubbing shoulders with coffee bars and outdoor retailers. The place was by now pretty busy, Victorian dresses not helping in the narrow confines of the shops.
"Did you see that girls nails?” Amanda asked.
"In the shop?”
"The one on the till.”
"Definitely out there,” I noted.
They were certainly that, each one a tiny work of art, my black talons looked well boring by comparison. I reckon similar thoughts were going through Amanda’s head.
"Come on, lets get our nails done,” she enthused.
"I'm not exactly flush,” I admitted.
"My treat, come on, I saw a nail place back by the square.”
oh well, why not, it’ll clean off on Sunday.

"Coffee,” Amanda stated as we returned to the street.
"Er right,” I agreed still entranced by my new finger decorations. My plain lacquered and quite short nails were no longer, instead I really do have talons fully half an inch over my finger tips. Oh they’re black, but a sort of deeper black highlighted by some gold ‘dangles’ and 3D designs under the lacquer. Amanda had a similarly ornate treatment but in a two tone maroon and ivory with tiny pearls.

"These aren’t very practical,” I mentioned following my friend along the street.
"Practical is over rated, here we go,"She led the way into the cake shop where we snagged a just vacated table.

"Ray, look we’re not gonna make it…..Trixie….Horse & Griffin….I'll tell her….love you too.” Amanda closed her phone, one of those old clam shell things, "Didn’t seem that upset, we’ll meet them for lunch afterwards.”
"What was the message?”
"Oh, the usual, don’t spend too much.”
"Ha!” as if.
"Come on then, times a wastin’”

"I'm gonna get a lip ring,” my companion announced as we perused the jewellery at the piercing booth. We’ve been doing the sales tent on the dockside, a lot of the expected Victogoth stuff, certainly nothing that I fancied parting cash for.
"You are? What happened to vanilla?”
"Oh sod that.”
"Welcome to the dark side,” I hammed.
They were running a ‘walk in’ service so barely fifteen minutes later Amanda was sporting her labret piercing, not a ring but a barbel to allow it to heal first. I succumbed to new jewellery for my cheeks, medusa and snake bites, classy black. Well I got them at a discount with the festival pass.
"So what’s it feel like to be a nasty girl?” I asked.
"Nasty!” she gleefully told me. "Now something for Trixiebell.”
"I've got enough holes.”
"I was thinking more on the lines of clothing.”
"Such as?”
"I saw just the thing earlier, come on kiddo.”

The choice of the Horse & Griffin for lunch was soon clear when we needed our passes to get inside, a gig by The Cure, one of my favourite bands and clearly I'm not alone. It was only a short set, thirty minutes after which the place pretty much emptied, the next session isn’t for an hour and there’s stuff to go to elsewhere.
"Enjoying yourself girls?” Ray asked as we waited for our chicken and chips.
"I reckon so,” his SO replied.
"How was Krankwank or whatever they’re called?” I asked.
“Krankewere,” Rory corrected.
"Them.”
"Bit grunge for me, what about you Ray?”
"Not my first choice I have to say.”

"Trix?” Amanda hinted I should follow her.
Followed her into the ladies, I might look like I'm a girl but this bit terrifies me, the communal toilet thing.
"I said he wouldn’t notice,” she huffed between checking her new hole in the mirror.
"Men,” I suggested. "They’ve not noticed these yet either,” I noted waggling my fingers.
"You need a wee?”
"Ut uh.”
"Come on then.”
Once the food turned up we both really hammed things up, licking fingers, waggling hands about, Ray finally noticing Amanda’s digital decorations.
"You had your nails done love?”
"Finally! You like?”
"Not very practical, what’re you going to do at work on Monday?”
"They can like it or lump it.”
"I got mine done too,” I pointed out to Rory.
"I thought they were black before?”
"Men!” Amanda chorused beside me.

"We’ll see you on Middle Earth later,” Amanda called out.
"Yeah, later,” I acknowledged as the four of us split into two couples. Since lunch we’ve visited the Captain Cook Museum, watched three more gigs and done a trip on the steam bus.
"You having a good time?” Rory asked as he waited for me to redo my face.
"Okay,” I turned around, "What do you think?”
"What am I looking at?”
Geez Jane, what do you see in him?
"Dur!” I pointed to my new dimple decorations.
"Oh right, interesting look.”
I rolled my eyes, "Men.”

"Has he noticed yet?” I whispered.
"What do you think?”
"I'll take that as no, so what do you think?”
Earlier, when I was arm twisted into buying the frock I'd been carried by the moment, Amanda’s new found ballsy attitude. Actually leaving the B&B in it was however another thing – oh its nothing risqué but its pretty far away from what I was comfortable with. The top is actually quite fitted with a lot of chest on view, its the skirt that's er, edgy, a flouncy affair, full at the back and almost knicker exposing at the front. I've got a net top under it, fishnets on my legs and those stupid heels on my feet.
"I just knew it was you when I saw it, and the new studs look ace.”
"I feel like everyone's looking at me.”
"Don’t knock it girlfriend, if you’ve got it flaunt it.”
"I thought Rory’s eyes were going to pop out.”
"He on a promise?”
"Promise?”
"You know, later back at the b&b?”
Oh that sort of promise, yeah a promise that if he tries anything I'll have his nadgers on a string.
"Have to see how the night goes.”

There was more music, more alcohol, more food and a bit of jigging, every-time I got up I gained an audience and a few ribald comments. By the time we started the walk back to beds I'd pretty much forgotten what I was wearing, that I'm not Rory’s girlfriend, that Trixie is just a temporary aberration. Indeed it was me and not my sisters boyfriend who started to get a bit frisky outside of our accommodation.

© Maddy Bell 28.04.17 (amended 10.05.17)

 
 
*Gothic Friends*

 
 
"Urgh,” I cracked a window to the outside world, good its not spinning, maybe a little wobbly but Dr Wobbly’s not so bad, not compared to Mr Spin.
What the heck happened last night? Lots of booze, that's for sure. Number two, where am I? Not my curtains, seagulls? I freed a hand to push some of the hair out of my face, my fingers hit something round which dragged on my cheek, what the? Then it all came crashing back, Trixie, Gothfest and Rory! The heat on my back, he didn’t, we didn’t did we?

Cautiously I used the hand under the covers to check on the er position under the duvet. I found clothing that seems to be on me, phew, not naked at least. More details started to seep into my consciousness, snoggin’ Rory outside, silliness inside, more lip stuff in the room, shit.
An urgency in my bladder prompted an exit from the covers and retreat into the little room. A look in the mirror revealed a less than pretty sight, last nights make up, well the remains of it smeared across my face, a pink rats nest of hair and a bruise? Closer inspection revealed it as less of a bruise and more of a love bite, just below my ear and another on my shoulder, Jane’s gonna kill us both.

I peeked out into the main room, the subject of my er, affections was sprawled across the whole bed, giving a rather good impression of sawing logs. What to do? Right, clean up, shower, repaint the face and get dressed, coffee would be good. Its a plan I guess and any plan is better than no plan, right?
 
 
"Someone had a good night eh lass,” our landlady offered with a wink.
"Erm yeah, any chance of coffee this morning?”
"Aye lass, full breakfast?”
"Could I just get egg on toast please?”
"Fried or scrambled?”
"Scrambled I think.”
“’Appen you won’t be only one wi’ a sore head this mornin,” she chuckled before leaving me to the juice and cereal.
 
 
"How can you look that good after last night?” Rory asked as he seated himself at the breakfast table.
I dug in my bag and plonked a packet of Ibuprofen, (a surprisingly useful addition to the handbag Jane insisted I should carry everywhere unlike the tampons, I mean what use are they to me?) on the table.
"Er thanks Trix, good night mind.”
"It had its moments,” I allowed, is he going to say anything, does he even remember?
"Um Trix?” he leant forward.
"Ah, surfaced have we,” our over jovial hostess interrupted, "Full English?”
"Without mushrooms?”
"Full English, no mushrooms, drink?”
"Erm tea please.”
"You know where the juice is.”
"So?” I hinted, "You were gonna ask something.”
"Was I? What was it, oh yeah, you okay going back to Chessy on your own? I'll pay, I mean that was the deal right?”
Well talk about a put down.
"So how are you getting back?”
"I'm going down to Hull with Joe and Becca, gig tonight then I'll get early train back to Chessy in the morning.
"Er right, I guess so,” dumped for a tit head in a top hat.
 
 
"Thanks Mrs Simmonite, I'll pick it up about four.”
"Okay lass, have a good day.”
"I'll try.”
Well, with the ‘dumping’ over breakfast we decided to go our own ways from the off, Rory keen to meet up with Joe whilst I actually wanted to do a couple of the Sunday programme gigs. So whilst Rory set off with his bag – presumably to go in the usurpers car, I arranged with our landlady to collect mine closer to departure time. I clomped down to the road, the first gigs aren’t till lunch of course so I decided on a walk around to the beach.
 
 
I'd just cleared the bridge when my phone started trilling, I dug it from my bag, caller I.d. suggested it was my sister.
"Janey,” I sighed.
"You sound pissed Trix,” she observed.
"Your boyfriend dumped me.”
"He what?”
I found a bench by the quayside to continue the conversation.
 
 
"He gave you money to get back?”
"Forty quid.”
"Is that enough?”
"He reckons it was only like thirty each coming up.”
"You got extra if you need it?” my sister queried, surprisingly concerned.
"I'll manage, got a few quid left on my card.”
"Look if you get stuck call me right.”
"You never used to be bothered,” I mentioned.
"I never had a sister who looks about sixteen before either. Seriously Trix, ring me okay, we’ll be back home about seven thirty anyhow.”
Sixteen? How can I look sixteen.
"Erm, about that, I can’t go home like this, I was gonna blag a bed off Rory but...”
"Bugger, I forgot about bringing Zak back,” she admitted, "Look call when you get to Sheffield and I'll meet you at Chessy station, you’ll have to stay at work again.”
"Okay, thanks sis.”
"Take care Trix, see you later.”
"Yeah, you too.”
 
 
It was still only half ten when I finished looking at the submerged beach (the tide was in) so I got a coffee on a cafe near the pier before climbing the Khyber Pass to the famous whale ribs on the hill top.
"You’ll have to take it from the other side,” a now familiar voice opined.
I looked past my phone to see Ray and Amanda a few feet away.
"Morning, just doing the tourist bit again.”
"Gis it here,” Ray suggested, "Might get you in the shot.”
"Thanks,” I allowed passing my phone over to him.
Compared to my attempts at selfy taking Ray was a whizz, on just a couple of minutes I had a veritable portfolio of shots of me and a couple with Amanda and even one with all three of us.
"On you’re own again then?” Amanda queried.
"Abandoned actually,” I advised.
"Abandoned?”
"It happens,” I shrugged.
"What happened? Things looked hunky dory last night.”
"I think I might’ve scared him off? Anyhow he’s going off with Joe and his missus later so I'm single Sally again.”
"Sounds like Joe’s influence,” Ray suggested.
"What do you mean, I know they’re friends, well and you guys.”
"Lets just say that Joe and Bec’s have er, opinions.”
"What Ray means is that they don’t like certain parts of the ‘Goth’ community, vis anyone not in their own ‘sect’ of Gothness.”
"Like me?” I suggested.
"Yeah,” she agreed.
"But he’s been quite nice to me.”
"Because you were with Rory, his favoured disciple.”
"What about you guys?”
"Oh we’ve known him for years, we’re not inner circle though, we just meet here, we might see them at a few other events, but not regular like the others,” Ray advised.
"So what’re you gonna do now Trix? You okay getting home to where is it? Sheffield?”
"Chesterfield, he’s given me the fare but I thought I'd make as much use of the pass as I can first, there’s a gig at the fleece and one at the Duke of York I want to catch.”
"Bram and the Stokers?”
"Yeah, they sound like fun.”
"Mind if we tag along?”
"Thought you’d never ask!”
 
 
"Amanda?”
"Trix.”
We were in the ladies at The Fleece.
"Do I look sixteen?”
"Honest?”
"Honest.”
"I’d’ve said eighteen. Guess that was Rory?”
"No my sister, well half sister sort of, its complicated, anyhow she said I look sixteen.”
"I'm guessing you’re not eighteen either?”
"Twenty three,” I admitted.
"Well for what its worth, lose the piercings, let your brows grow back and you’d easily pass for sixteen.”
"Joy,” I sighed.
"Most girls would be pleased.”
"I guess, I did wonder why I was getting carded all the time.”

Its a right pisser when I want to buy some booze. Then it hit me, I don't actually have any I.d. - all my actual I.d. is for Zac Askwith, the real me and that's in my sisters care back in Chessy. All I have now is a bankcard for Z Askwith and the Gothfest ticket in the name of Trixiebell Heartswoon, I probably can’t even buy a drink.
 
 
"That was fun!” I laughed as we exited The Duke just turned three thirty.
Bram and the Stokers turned out to be very entertaining, a mix of short skits and comedic songs performed by three lads and a girl.
"What time’s your bus,” Ray asked as we continued through the afternoon crowds on Church Street.
"Four thirty?”
"You should be in plenty of time,” Amanda noted, "Cuppa?”
"Go on then,” I agreed, "This ones on me.”
We left The Monks Haven almost spot on four.
"Well I guess this is goodbye.”
"You’ve got my number,” Amanda confirmed.
"Uh huh, thanks again.”
"I've enjoyed it, you’ve got me looked at stuff differently.”
"That's something I do, different.”
"Come here,” I was enveloped in a hug, "Now you take care Trixiebell Heartswoon.”
"I will, well I'd best collect my case or I'll miss the bus., bye guys.”
"Bye girl,” Ray told me.
"Bye Trix,” Amanda added.
I'll admit to a few tears as I walked back to Ma Simmonite’s for my case.
 
 
"Here for the X40 luv?”
"Uh huh,” I agreed checking the time table.
"Been a smash at Saltergate, up ont moors, roads closed, bus is diverting by Scarborough, be about extra half hour before it gets here.”
"Really?” I guess I won’t make the connection in York then.
"Aye lass, ‘appens ‘bout once a month,” my fount of knowledge advised.
"Thanks.”

All the seats were taken so I parked my case at the end of the shelter and hopped myself onto the wall to wait – at least its not raining. An impromptu performance by a band outside the station, a sort of lively brass ensemble had me entranced, they were clearly quite accomplished and there were several girls going round with collecting tins. Not my usual choice of music but I waggled my feet in time to the tunes barely noticing the time passing, half past, quarter to.
 
 
Beep, beep!
"Trix!”
I identified the source, a newish saloon with Amanda at the window.
"I thought your bus was at half past?”
I hopped off the wall and walked over.
"It’s supposed to be, apparently there's been an accident and everything’s diverting via Scarborough.”
"Bugger,” Ray allowed from inside the car.
"We’ll just have to go straight down the sixty four,” Amanda told him.
"Well have a good journey,” I told them before turning to resume my wall wait.
"Trix, do you want a lift?”
I turned back, "I'm okay.”
"Don’t be so daft Trixie, come on get in,” Ray ordered getting out himself.
"I can’t, you live miles away.”
"We can easily go that way,” Amanda told me.
"Okay then but only as far as York, I can get my train from there.”
"Get in then.”
Ray fetched my bags and put them in the boot while I struggled with the logistics of seatbelt, boobs and skirts.
 
 
I don’t get to travel by car much, neither me nor Jane has wheels, Mum’s got an ageing Micra that she uses to go to Gran’s and fetch the shopping. Who knew that new cars are so quiet and spacious? As we were already in Whitby it wasn’t much effort to get turned around and head down the coast road, we were largely ahead of the Gothfest traffic so made good time.
Amanda kept up a continuous stream of conversation, a conversation that was largely one sided as she recited tales of her workplace, Nottingham University and other ‘Goth’ gatherings they’d attended. Sometimes Ray would get a word in but more often than not he just nodded along. We caught more traffic after Scarborough and more again at Malton, apparently the normal Sunday homeward bound coast traffic.

I guess we’d been going about an hour and a half, maybe a bit more when I was vaguely aware of us joining a multi laned road.
"I guess we must be near York,” I suggested.
"About ten miles back,” Ray supplied.
"But my train.”
"We’re taking you to Chesterfield Trix, no arguing okay,” Amanda told me.
I guess I don’t have much choice in the matter.
"Any chance of stopping for a wee?”
 
 
Janey’s phone rang for a moment before switching to voice mail. We were heading towards Sheffield before I realised I needed to call my sister.
"Er hi Jane its um Trixie, I've got a lift back to Chessy, can you pick me up at the usual place by the hotel? Should be there just after eight. See you later. byeee”
I hate voicemail but for once I was grateful for it as it avoided any awkward conversation on Rays car with my saviours listening.
 
 
"You can drop me at the Ibis my sister’s meeting me there.” I advised.
"If you’re sure we can take you all the way home,” Ray told me again.
"You’ve already come out of your way, no the Ibis is fine.”
"I meant what I said Trix,” Amanda added, "If you fancy going we can take you to Canterbury.”
"Thanks, I'll think about it.”
I recognised the end of the bypass and directed Ray to the Ibis where he swung into the car park.
"Here we go then.”
"Thanks again, here, towards the petrol,” I offered Rory’s forty quid to my chauffeurs.
"Don’t be daft girl,” Ray told me.
"But you’ve brought me all this way,” I protested.
“Keep it Trixie, we were coming nearly past the door anyhow, I'm sure there are more important things you can use it for,” she curled my hand back over the notes. "Now just you take care and listen to your sister!”
It felt awkward and wrong, wrong as I've been brought up to pay my own way and awkward having my offer rejected.
"Er I will, thanks.”
"And don’t be shy of calling right?”
"I won’t, thanks for this and you know, up at the festival.”
"Its been fun,” she countered with a waggle of her decorated talons.
"Yeah.”
"Here you go Trix,” I sensed Ray had been waiting for a break in our goodbyes.
"Thanks.”
I waited with my case for them to depart, I waved when Ray tooted and then they were gone leaving me alone in the Ibis car park.
 
 
 
 
Amanda watched the girl in her door mirror as they waited to join the traffic, "You think she has somewhere Ray?”
"Dunno love, is there even a sister, it was convenient that the phone apparently went straight to voice.”
"Oh I think there’s a sister, she’s mentioned her a few times over the weekend.”
"Wishful thinking?”
"Could be,” Amanda allowed.
"Look luv, you can’t mother hen every waif and stray, short of inviting her to ours you’ve done everything she’d let you.”
"I still can’t believe Rory dumping her like that, just wait until I see him next!”
"You want to get Chinese?” Ray asked, that usually calmed her down.
 
 
 
 

Now what? I pulled the handle out and dragged my luggage out of the roadway. The encroaching dark and a cool breeze had me give a shiver, where’s Janey?
 
 
"Trix? That you?” the dark figure enquired from the direction of the hotel entrance.
"Heya sis,” I shivered.
She trotted over to where I was perched on the case, where I'd been for three quarters of an hour.
"Geez Zak, your freezing, why didn’t you come in?”
"Trixie,” I noted.
"Okay, Trixie, so why are you sat out here, didn’t you get my text?”
"Text?”
"Whatever, come on inside, mum’ll kill me if I let you get pneumonia.”
"If I turn up like this she’ll kill me anyway,” I noted as we headed towards the welcoming lights of reception.
 
 
Of course I know, as Zak, the girl on reception, Chelsey Hall – somehow last week I missed meeting her – too busy hiding in the attic. We waited until she finished her phone call before Janey prodded me forward.
"Chelse, this is our new chambermaid, Trixie.”
Chelsey is nice enough but I find her a bit easy to judge – she eyed me up and down critically, "Well Magda’ll be happy.”
Hang on, I thought that was just for last week?
"Trix, this is Chelsey our night manager.”
"Er hi,” I almost whispered.
"Welcome to the wonderful world of hospitality Trix,” she smiled offering a hand which I limply shook, "Like the tat.”
"Er thanks.”
"I'm putting her in 501 okay? I'll get her sorted with uniforms and stuff then I'll push off.”
"Sure Jane.”
"Trix?, come on up.”
 
 
"Chambermaid again?” I squeaked once we were in the tiny room I spent last week occupying.
"Well it makes you staying here legit and helps us out too.”
"But I won’t be Trixie after tomorrow,” I pointed out.
"We can say you changed your mind about the job.”
"Whatever, I can really do with a shower.”
"Okay, I'll sort you out some uniforms, you eaten?”
"Not since lunch.”
"I'll see what I can find.”
 
 
By the time I was showered Janey was back with the familiar uniforms and a couple of pre packed sandwiches.
"Sorry its not much.”
"Better than nothing,” I shrugged, "How was London?”
"Noisy and expensive, what’s that on your neck?”
I futilely tried looking, "Where?”
"Just below your ear, its a love bite!”
"Oh er that.”
"Was that Rory?” she demanded.
Was it? I think so but my memories of last night are a bit blurry.
"Possibly,” I allowed, "We got a bit pissed last night.”
"The bastard!”
"I think maybe I led him on a bit?” I winced in expectation of an onslaught.
"So he makes out with a floozy then dumps her hundreds of miles from home, he better have a good excuse,” she spat.
"I'm not a floozy,” I whispered.
"I need to go home, mum’ll wonder where I've got to, I'll see you tomorrow – cute pj’s.”
"They are yours,” I mentioned.
"I do have good taste don’t I, oh it might be an idea to tone down the make up a bit for work.”
 
 
"Ah, so you are back Trixiebell.”
"Er yes Magda,” I allowed.
"Is good, we make a good team eh?”
"I guess.”
"Come, we have to start the deep cleans today.”
And so my new career as live in housemaid at the Ibis restarted.
 
 
"You haven’t made things any easier have you?”
"I thought they’d just come off with that remover stuff.”
We were sat in Maccy D’s on the retail park, Rory’s treat did he but know it. Well a girls got to eat, Magda’s a right slave driver. For the last half an hour I've been relating the events of the weekend to my sister, not the gigs particularly but the rest.
"Ut uh, no chance.”
"We could cut them short?”
"Possibly but they’d still be glued on, nope your stuck with them until they’ve at least grown out a bit.” she let go of my hand and returned to her fries.
"Shit, how long?”
"How long’s a piece of string, couple of weeks maybe?”
"So I'm stuck with these talons for a fortnight?”
"At least.”
"I can’t hide them from mum for that long,” I sighed looking at the miniature artworks on my fingers.
"You can keep the room at the hotel while your working there.”
"As Trixie.”
"Well she’s the one with the job.”
"But we can lose the rest of this stuff right?” I flapped a lock of pink hair at her.
"Might as well keep it until we can get rid of the nails.”
"For why?”
"Well for one you still need to be Trix, and people might recognise you as Zak.”
"People?”
"Chelse, people round town,” she suggested.”
"I can stay in the room.”
"Oh get real, you need to eat and stuff, nope Trixie has to stay until Zac can come back.”
shit.
"Can I at least get rid of this?” I offered my tattooed wrist.
"I'll ring Dawn and find out, it is pretty cute Trix.”
"Not on me it isn’t.”
"Maybe we can tone the make up down a bit?” she suggested.
"You reckon?”
"Oh come on Trix, you must admit its been a bit of a laugh.”
"Why couldn’t Rory have just used a picture of you or at least just some random normal girl.”
"You know what he’s like, at least I know what his fantasy woman is.”
"And that's good? That your boyfriend secretly lusts after a Goth porn star?”
"Hey, its good to know the enemy.”
"I really don’t know what you see in him.”
"Lets see,” she started counting on her fingers, "He showers regularly, has a good job, I know his mother, the only other woman he’s slept with is my brother.”
"Shush!”
"Seriously, there’s a lot worse out there and I'm sure I can live with wearing a bit of black and heavy make up once in a while.”
I guess my sister won’t be discouraged from Rory and Trixiebell Heartswoon looks to be having an extended life.
 
 
I sighed, Tuesday already, I paused to take in my reflection in the mirror I was cleaning, still surprised each time I don’t see Zak there. My phone trilled from my uniforms pocket, not sure why I’m carrying it around, its not like anyone's gonna ring me. Except it was now trilling determinedly.
"Hello?”
"Trixie that you?”
"Amanda, hang on, let me get somewhere a bit quieter.”
I stepped into a vacant room, the sound of Magda’s hoovering dulled further when I pushed the door closed.
"Better, you still there?”
"I'm here, just thought I'd see how you were after everything at the weekend.”
"Look thanks again for the lift back.”
"Our pleasure, it was barely out of our way. So how is Trixiebell Heartswoon, is that really your name?”
“’Fraid so,” well for now at least. "My sister got me a chambermaid job at her hotel.”
"That’s good yeah?”
"I get a room and uniforms,” I advised her.
Amanda chuckled down the phone, "Now that I'd love to see, the Goth chambermaid!”
"Its not funny!”
"Sorry, I wasn’t making fun of you, I just had this image of you in that dress we got you for Saturday night mincing around with a feather duster.”
I had to agree, that would be quite funny.
"So anyone notice your labret?”
"Ray? You gotta be kidding of course. The girls at work think its ‘boss’ which I'm guessing is okay?”
"Trixie!” Magda called from the corridor.
"Look I've got to go, the boss is after me, thanks for calling.”
"Like I said, just checking you were okay.”
"Trixie! Ah there you are girl,” Magda stated wading into the room.
"Best go Amanda, bye.”
"Bye Trixie.”
 
 
"Boyfriend eh,” Magda stated, "Always they are the trouble. Just some advice, we paid to do linen not chat on phone, leave phone in room eh?”
"Er sorry, I'll turn ot off.”
"Good idea, the manager, she not like the dilly dally, you good girl I see that, you work hard get out of this place, find nice boy, have children. So come, we have more rooms to clean eh?”
"Yes Magda,” I meekly allowed.
I switched off my phone and slipped it back into my pocket and followed her back out to the corridor to continue my polishing.
 
 
"Trix!” my sister beckoned me over to the office.
I parked the hoover and joined her, "What’s up Miss Askwith?”
Yeah I know but its company policy and none of the staff know we’re family – I'd like to keep it that way thank you!
She checked to see we were alone before continuing, "I spoke to Dawn.”
"At the tattoo place?”
"Yeah,” she agreed.
"So?”
She hesitated a bit, "Well there’s a clinic in Sheffield does it but...”
"But what?” I interrupted.
"Well the ink has to settle first, it has to fully heal and the laser treatment is pretty expensive.”
"How long, how much?”
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I wasn’t going to like the answers.
"A month,” she paused.
"A month,” I repeated, "Well I guess I can keep it covered, so how much?”
"Maybe a thousand pounds?”
"How much?”
"Well apparently they have to do several sessions.”
"Where am I going to get that sort of money?” I sagged inside, "Any more bad news?”
"I can help a bit, I mean its partly my fault you’ve got it and you’ve got a proper job now.”
"All your fault, and I liked working at the coffee bar, all those nurses you know?”
"Sorry bro.”
"Trixie,” I corrected her, I can’t stay angry at her, never could, we’ve got too much in common, "I guess she’ll have to be around a bit longer.”
Janey pulled me into an embrace, "We’ll sort things out, I promise.”
"What’re we gonna do about mum?”
 
 
"Mum?….yes I'm fine….I'm gonna stay down here a bit longer….dunno...I've already rung them...yeah I can probably get some bar work….I will….give my love to Janey...love you, bye.”
I took a deep breath and once again looked around my temporary abode, will my life ever get back to normal.
 
 
© Maddy Bell 29.04.17

 
 
*Gothic Girlhood*

I tried drawing something less dramatic on my forehead, every attempt ended up with one nice brow and the other more like a drunken Ostrich had drawn it. The straight line I can do pretty well so it looks like I'm stuck with it until my brows grow back. There was more success with the eyeliner but I actually like my, signature Janey calls it, look – so much for toning things down.

"Can’t we lose the hair?”
"Why?” Janey queried.
"Its pink?”
"Your point?”
"It’s, it’s, oh what’s the point!”
"Look Trix, once we can get rid of the nails we’ll get Zak back in one go, hair the lot but you’ll look too much like you with black hair, think of it as part of Trixiebell.”
"Don’t have much choice really do I?”
"Its only a couple of weeks, look I have to go, mums expecting me for dinner.
Rub it in sis.
 
 
The days quickly fell onto a routine, breakfast with Magda in the hotel’s kitchen then a morning of bed stripping and making then after a ‘lunch’ break our attentions moved to the public areas, hoovering and polishing everything in sight. After work is done for the day, I've been going for lunch with my sister then pretty much kicking my heels the rest of the day, there is only so much daytime TV I can put up with. Thursday night I vowed it would be different on Friday.
 
 
"Not seen you round here before,” the voice belonged to the body which dropped into into the seat opposite, "No ones sitting here are they?”
well duh?
"Er no,”
"So where’re you from then?”
What is it with this girl?
"Calow.”
I continued pushing chips around my plate, I'd been promising myself sausage and chips in the Wimpy all morning but now I had them – well I really didn’t fancy them.
"Know some up there, you know Kelly, shaved sides, nose ring?”
"Ut uh,” I guess I might’ve seen her but that's different to knowing.
"You eating them?”
Am I? "Help yourself,” I offered pushing the plate towards her.
"Cheers, Jose by the way, its Josephine really but every calls me Jose.”
"Um Trixiebell.”
"Cor they lumbered you good an’ proper, pass us the ketchup.”

I took the chance to actually look at my uninvited ‘guest’, a scrawny thing of the wear it black, short and ripped, bad dye job end of EMO street goth that’s many peoples experience of the whole genre. Compared to ‘Jose’, I'm haut couture in my ‘Wednesday’ dress, perfect make-up and symmetrical piercings.
"So you rich then?”
"Rich?”
"Don’t see many of your sort round here, there’s some come down from up Walton way sometimes, so you go Tapton then? Bet you get some stick wiv all them pierces an’ stuff.”
"Used to,” I allowed, its not like there was much choice.
"You dropped out then? Me Dad’d kick me out if I dint go,” she advised twisting her hair with one hand while shovelling my chips into her maw with the other.
"They hurt?”
"Sorry?”
"Them fings in your cheeks, Trace was gonna do mine but Stace’s went manky, took ages to fix.”
Do they hurt? I guess not, at first of course but I've pretty much forgotten about them, I suppose I could take them out.
"Mine’ve been okay.”
"There was this girl at Clay Cross, her tongue went mank, they had to cut it off.”
"I need to get home.”
She angrily turned on me "Don’t like the cumpney Trixiebell?”
"No its not that, I've got stuff to do.”
That seemed to mollify her a bit.
"Er see you about?”
"Yeah, fanks for the chips.”
 
 
I tried not to hurry too much then only got as far as the church yard before taking refuge on one of the benches under the trees. I drew my feet up and pulled my knees into my fake bosom, I don’t want this, even the damned schoolkid wannabes are picking on me. The first of several tears rolled down my face.

Oh I know its partly my own fault, my greed in wanting Rory’s ‘spare’ Gothfest ticket causing me to agree to stuff I should’ve vetoed. But the tattoo was down to Jane and really thought the nails would come off easily not need power tools to remove. A breeze up the fundament reminded me of the other thing, I didn’t expect to be wearing dresses longer than the weekend.
 
 
"There you are,” Janey sighed catching me before I walked into reception, "You forget your phone?”
I retrieved my telecommunications device from my bag, "Shit, its out of charge. What’d you want?”
"We’re going out tomorrow.”
"Out? Where? I've got to work anyhow remember.”
"Only while twelve.”
"Okay till twelve, where are you going?”
"We are going to Derby.”
"And just why would I want to go to Derby?”
"You doing anything else?”
"No,” I allowed.
"So we are going shopping then who knows,” she offered ending with a shrug.
"You want me to go shopping with you?”
"Why not? you’re my sister.”
"Temporarily, have you forgotten what I look like?”
"Dur! Course not, you are my pocket Goth Princess.”
"If I come, what am I supposed to wear, I've got like a choice of two dresses, this or one that’s X rated?”
"Hmm, I'll have a think, so I'll come down in the morning then.”
"Go on then,” I sighed.
"Cool, I need to get off, hot date tonight.”
"Rory?”
"Might be,” she allowed.
"Perhaps I should come too, remind him of the girl he dumped over a hundred miles from home.”
"Oh he’ll pay for that Trix, don’t you worry.”
"Hmm.”
"How do you fancy being a bridesmaid?”
"You what!”
"Just kidding sis, you’ll be maid of honour!” she chortled.
"Jay,” I moaned, "Tell me your not serious?”
"Course not, had you going though.”
Dunno about going, petrified more like.
 
 
And so, against my better judgement I found myself once again at the railway station albeit without the case and with my sister rather than her boyfriend.
"You sure this is a good idea?”
"Don’t see why not.”
"Those boots look daft with that skirt.”
Janey looked down at her footwear, "I thought they’d give me a slightly edgy look. And since when have you been a fashion expert?”
"Even Zak has eyes,” I supplied conscious that we could be overheard.
"And what pray would Zak suggest I wore?”
I shrugged, "Not those, you look like a house wife trying to be hip and happening and just look daft instead.”

Not that I'm one to talk, rockin’ the whole Goth thing, girl Goth that is, the only break from the black scheme the hair on my head.
The southbound train slid into the platform and we hustled our way to a couple of seats for the twenty minute journey to our destination.
 
 
"We should try you in something more normal Trix,” Jane suggested as we alighted from the city hopper bus.
"More normal?”
"Something less black?”
"What’s wrong with black and I do not need more girl stuff, we can get rid of these,” I waggled my nails, "Next week and then its adiós Trixiebell, hello Zak.”
"If you say so, what’ll you do about work?”
"I can probably get the coffee bar job back, it’s less than a month, I doubt they’ll have got anyone else. What?”
"You could continue at the hotel?”
"I can see that working, one day I'm Trixie, the next I'm Zak even Chelsey would work that one out.”
"Trixie could stay,” my sister proposed.
"Jane,” I groaned, "I don’t want to be Trixiebell Heartswoon.”
"Guess we could change your name?”
"Janey!”
 
 
"You should so get that sis,” Janey enthused some time later.
I've been dragged into pretty much every shop in Derby over the last couple of hours, we might be the same age, essentially twins as we share the same birthday, the one that’s ten days away but I've been doing the ‘hard pressed’ younger sibling bit. After much cajoling and to shut my sisters bleating up I finally agreed to try on a dress in H&M.

"I said I'd try it not buy it.”
"Oh come on Trix, you have to admit it looks cute.”
I looked in the mirror, "Okay, its cute, satisfied?”
I'll admit its a nice looking frock, a fit and flare soft jersey affair, knee length in cream with tiny pink roses adding a splash of colour.
"Sick look girlfriend!” a passing sales assistant supplied.
"See,” Jane pressed, "I've been trying to tell her,” she mentioned to the jeans and t-shirt clad girl.
"Its all the black, kills the colour receptors,” she replied in all seriousness.
Now I've got a complete stranger having a go at Trixie’s wardrobe choices.
"Hang on,” Jane had one of those light-bulb expressions.
Two minutes later we’d swapped footwear, I've got the dockers and my sister the Mary Jane’s I set out in.
"Satisfied?”
"Tell her she has to have it?” Jane appealed to ‘our’ sales advisor.
"You girl, are so rockin’ it like,” she enthused.
I'll not get any peace and it’s only fifteen quid, okay fifteen quid I don’t want to spend.
 
 
"Everyone’s looking at me,” I complained as we walked back through the Eagle Centre.
"Get used to it sis,” Janey chuckled, "You’re really quite pretty when we can get you out of all that black.”

Apparently its the new dress which has changed peoples perception, earlier all I was getting was sneers and dirty looks. Yeah my ‘drab’ top and skirt are now in a carrier bag after I was pretty much forced to wear the new frock out of the store.
"I don’t want to be pretty, or looked at,” I grumbled.
"Well I quite like having a pretty sister.”
I stuck my doubly pierced tongue out at her.
“Very adult sis.”
"So what’re we doing now?”
"Janey!” an all too familiar face called out from Patisserie Valerie.
"Shit.” I allowed.
"Just follow my lead Trix,” Jane instructed before returning the greeting, "Mum!”

I tried to hang back as Janey led the way to where our mother was sat at one of the outside tables of the tea shop.
"I thought you weren’t coming,” Mum opined.
"We’re only five minutes late, we got held up in H&M,” Jane advised.
This is just mortifying and I've been set up good and proper.
"Well introduce us then Jane,” Mum suggested.
"Er sorry, Trix, this is my Mum, Carol, Mum this is Trixie, the girl I told you about.”
"Er hi,” I allowed quietly.
"Nice to meet you Trixie, no need to be shy, come sit down, I've already ordered.”
 
 
Every breath I expected mum to recognise me, my sibling was no help, smirking at me as she told mum about our shopping trip. Tea and cakes arrived and I used my cup to hide behind as they talked.
"Janey tells me you’ve just started work at the hotel,” mum addressed to me.
"Er yes, this week,” I almost whispered.
"How are you liking it?”
"Its okay I guess.” God I hope she doesn’t recognise my voice.
"My son and his friends are into all the Gothic stuff, do you know him at all, Zachary Askwith?”
"Mum,” Jane chastened, "She’s not from Chessy.”
"Oh you said luv. Sorry Trixie, he’s away at the moment, Janey thinks her brothers got a girlfriend, probably some beer swilling slapper with more holes in her than is natural.”
"Mum,” Jane hissed.
"Oh sorry Trixie, I didn’t mean you.”
"Its okay mu-Mrs Askwith, its a bit Marmite, my mum hates piercing and tattoos too.”
"You have tattoos?”
"Just one.”
"It’s really pretty mum," Janey put in, "Show her Trix.”
I put down my cup and presented my wrist for inspection.
"Well its not my thing but it is very nice dear, oh I do like your nails, Janey’s terrible with hers, always chewing at them.”
"Mu-um,” my sister complained.
I spotted a chance for some revenge, "I used to before I got these, can’t chew them.”
"Maybe you should have yours done Janey?”
"Work?”
"Work expects you to look neat and tidy, your chewed fingers are not very professional are they.”
"No mum,” Janey sighed.
In truth my sister has always chewed her nails, she does paint them but the urge to nibble is deep seated so they often look battered and bitten to the quick.
 
 
"So you two got more shopping to do?” Mum enquired.
"Not really,” Jane supplied.
"Well I just want to get some knickers in M&S, you want to go back to the car, its on B4?” Mum suggested passing my sister her car keys.”
"Okay, see you in a bit.”
 
 
"You set me up,” I accused my sister as we waited for the lift to the car park.
"It was Mum,”
"What do you mean, she knows? You told her?”
"Course I didn’t tell her.”
"So how come she just happens to be at the Patisserie and expecting us.”
"Er well she knew we were coming down, she um rang when you were in the changing room earlier.”
We got into the empty lift.
"And you sort of forgot to mention that?”
"Well she wanted to meet you and we get a lift home.”
"So she knows her son is currently a pierced and tattooed girl?”
"I haven’t told her bro.”
"How could she not know? I was sat right there.”
By now we were at mums old Nissan Micra.
"I hate to break this to you Trix, I'm your sister and I when I look at you all I see is a pink haired teenage girl, hell, you don’t even sound like Zak. Lets face it, you were never exactly Conan to start and now...” she trailed off.
"My own mother doesn’t recognise me,” I sighed before clambering into the car. "And what do you mean teenage girl? I'm the same age as you, we’re both twenty four next week.”
"Mum thinks you, that’s Trixie you is eighteen.”
"And where’d she get that idea?”
"I did sort of hint that when I told her about you starting at the hotel, throw her off the trail a bit.”
"What did you do that for?”
"Duh, we do talk remember, I just said we had a new chambermaid, she asked about you.”
"Which is why she wasn’t too surprised how I look?”
"In one Einstein.”
 
 
"What are you girls talking about?” Mum asked as she opened the car door.
"This and that, Trix is getting her clit pierced.”
"Her what?”
"You know Mum, down...”
"Oh my, what is the world coming to!”
 
 

I don’t work Sunday so I took the opportunity for a lie in, not as long as I'd like as Mum seems to have taken a shine to Trixie so we’re going to The Elm Tree Inn at Heath for Sunday lunch. Usually such an excursion would include Rory as my sisters SO but thankfully he’s currently persona non gratis, well that's what Jane said yesterday anyhow. A suspicious mind might link the new dress to a pre arranged turn of events.

"Have a nice time Trixie,” Kamil, the Polish lad who mans reception weekend days, offered when a toot outside signalled the arrival of the rest of my family.
"I'll try Kamil, see you later.”
I readjusted my spiderweb cardigan and tried not to clomp out to the car.
Jane gave me a weird look, you changed something Trix?”
"My er metalwork,” I agreed.
I've been wearing the black stuff in my holes all week, to be honest I haven’t really thought about just changing it – removing full stop yeah but not just altering my ‘look’. A return to the original jewellery took a few minutes but its much less ‘in your face’ so to speak.
Mum gave me a quick glance, "Much prettier, why pretty girls want to punch holes in themselves I do not know.”
 
 
The meal at The Elm was weirdness itself, Mum and Janey jabbering away like usual in a series of conversations that Zak would’ve been active in but as Trixiebell Heartswoon I didn’t have context. I nearly outed myself a couple of times so I ended up sipping my Swedish cider and just observing the other patrons in the garden and listening to mum and sis chatting.

"Okay Trix?”
"I guess,” I allowed as I touched up my lipstick alongside my sister in the ladies.
"You okay for this afternoon? we’re going to Gran’s so we’ll drop you off on the way.”
"Give her my love.”
"Yeah, will do,” she looked in the mirror at me, "You remember that time when we were like nine.”
"When you insisted we were both princesses and dad caught us parading around in mums lacy nightdresses and heels, nope, don’t remember it at all.”
She play slapped my shoulder, "You! Good call on the cardi by the way, wish I'd thought to bring one.”
"Must be the girl germs I've caught,” I joked.
 
 
Sunday afternoon – pre Trixie this was Warhammer™ time, me and Rory, the other regulars at Games Workshop in the back room. Yeah a regular macho fest, occasionally a new girlfriend would come, sit in a corner for a couple of hours then disappear never to be seen again. We were game jockeys to the nth degree, we got through to the regionals a couple of years ago but competing isn’t really our thing, its the playing.

Today however I'm sat on my bed in my borrowed PJ’s watching Countryfile and munching on a bag of McCoys from the vending machine in reception. Oh I considered Kamil’s offer of going for a drink when he came off shift but I'm not in a drinking mood. I even considered going to the gaming session but that’d be just too weird and too likely to end in being outed – you can’t fool nerds for long.
No, for this week I can put up with Sunday night TV, next week Zak‘ll be back!
 
 

I peered into the mirror, nada, not one single hair, you’d’ve thought that after almost three weeks there’d be something on my brows. But no, the nearest thing to eyebrows I've got on my face are the two lines I drew this morning. Each day I've looked, each day of my third week of being Trixie the chambermaid I’ve been disappointed.

"I thought you said they’d grow back?” I accused my sister.
"Gemma Smith’s grew back in a couple of weeks,” Jane stated.
"I can’t be me with these on my face.”
"We get some of those brow stencils, "Don’t be such a worrier sis.”
"That’s easy for you to say.”
"Well come on, we’re supposed to be at the nail place in like fifteen minutes.”
Nails – yeah, get rid of the talons and Zac is back – no more daily face painting, I can lose the pink hair, the skirts.
 
 
"Sorry luv, if I managed to get them off your real nails will be wrecked, these are pretty much welded to your real nails.”
"So they’ve got to grow more?” I queried trying not to get girly weepy.
"At least half the nail length luv, or we’ll damage the nail bed.”
"Isn’t there anything you can do?”
"I can re-lacquer them,” she offered.
 
 
"I'm buggered.”
"Hey, come on sis,” Janey pulled me closer as we both sat on my bed.

My sister gained a new set of practical nails at the nail bar and instead of losing mine they’ve just changed from black to a dark red that matches my signature lipstick colour.
"It could be months before these things grow out,” I pretty much wailed.
"Its not all bad,” Janey started, "You’ve got a job and somewhere to stay.2
"I had that before,” I pointed out.
"Well I've always wanted a sister.”
"Not sure I quite qualify.”
she shrugged, "Works for me, you’re certainly a duck.”
"Cheers!” I huffed.
"You know what I mean, you look like a girl, you sound like a girl, you even act like one, ergo you must be one.”
"That really makes me feel better,” I noted with just a hint of sarcasm.
"Come on Trix, its not that bad, girls have fun too you know.”
"Its all right for you, you don’t have pink hair and more piercings than – well a lot.”
"You sure you don’t want me to bring your computer down, I can borrow the car in the morning.”

It was tempting, I've been using the public terminal in reception to keep up with my email and stuff but some of the sites I visit are not things you look at in public. But moving my computer here, well that's a bit too permanent.”
"That’s Zak’s, and anyhow Mum’d get suspicious if my stuff started disappearing.”
"Well just say if you change you’re mind.”
 
 

I laid on the bed literally contemplating my navel, well more precisely the barbell currently decorating the piercing. Well that and the constant weight on my chest, its not that I'd forgotten about ‘my’ appendages just that I've become used to their presence. When we started all this it was a lark, a bit of fun, fooling Rory, getting to Gothfest, it would all be over in a few days but now…

Then I found myself checking out the main reason for Trixie’s continued presence, my nails, the now blood red scratchers mocking me whilst making my hands look even more feminine than than pre Whitby. it was tempting to blame Amanda for my predicament, the extensions were her idea after all but that wouldn’t be just, I was a willing accomplice albeit a naive one. No, the more I think about it the more its clear that whilst Janey perhaps overstepped the mark with the piercings and tattoo this whole mess is my fault.

Man up Trix, geez I'm even thinking of myself as Trixie now. I found my phone and hit the speed dial for my sister.
 
 
"Someone sounds happy today,” Chelsey mentioned as I pushed the hoover around reception, "I thought you lot were always miserable.”
"Its a nice day,” I allowed with a shrug.
"Smiling suits you Trix, you should do more of it.”
I shrugged, "Maybe I will.”
In truth it was less happiness and more acceptance, acceptance that Trixiebell Heartswoon will need to be about for a bit longer, moping about it really will make me a depressed EMO.
 
 
"Ooo,” I allowed as Jane carefully pulled the second silicon enhancement from my chest.
"Wish I could take mine off sometimes.”
"You don’t mean that.”
"Says someone who’s had tits for like three weeks, its not all fun you know.”
"Never said it was but it feels good to not have them dragging at my chest even if its only for a few hours.”

This afternoons instant mastectomy is the result of my internet session after my navel gazing last night. I decided to embrace the situation, let Trixie have more life than an outing to the Wimpy bar. I’m not sure how my searches got there but a site selling prosthetics popped up and I noticed some care instructions – essentially suggesting removal ever few weeks for cleaning and to let the skin ‘recover’.

Janey’s working this weekend so no sisterly shopping trips or family dinners this week, instead the revitalised Trixie needed to attend to some maintenance. Apart from the breast forms there was personal laundry to do and on Sunday a solo shopping trip – well my limited lingerie has been taking a bashing and whilst the wages aren’t great my expenditure isn’t either. And so I set off to shop for some essentials.
 
 
Oh I know I've been dragged around the shops by mum and Janey from time to time, even just last week but its a different matter when you’re on your own. Tights of course are easy to buy, even Zak could manage that but pants and er titty holders, well you need sizes for a start and then there’s colours and styles – I had to use the ladies to check labels in what I was wearing. I intended to just go for basic stuff but of course I was quickly seduced by the acres of undies available.

The rest of my wardrobe is a bit limited too so without any sort of plan I wandered the stores for a couple more hours adding to my haul. It might be a bit of a cliché but I found myself sat in the Wimpy again, this time I cleared my grill and treated myself to a banana longboat. I smiled to myself, I could get used to this, it was interesting squeezing the banana between my tongue studs, fun even.
 
 
"If it aint Trixiebell,” Jose stated catching me unawares as I juggled bags outside the Wimpy.
"Er hi Jose.”
"This that Calow girl I was telling you about Kell,” rent a gob went on.

Her companion was, I'm guessing, the Kelly she mentioned last time we crossed paths. She looked a timid thing, behind the heavy make-up she’s probably quite pretty, she didn’t look particularly comfortable as she held onto Josie's arm. There’s something going on there, not sure what but clearly Jose is the boss of things.
"Told you she had them cheek fings.”
"Er hi Kell,” I offered.
For her part Kelly just gave a pert little nod.
"Aint seen you about.” Jose pressed.
"Been working.”
"You got a job?”
"Yeah,” I allowed.
"Bit of a sell out Trix.”
“Food costs money,” I shrugged.
Kelly tugged at her friends arm.
"Gotta go posh!” and they took off at a run.
 
 
"You want to go eat when I finish?” Jane asked when I got back ‘home’.
"Erm could do, its not with mum is it?”
"She’s gone to Aunt Mary’s, just the two of us.”
"Okay, Pincer’s?”
"Was thinking Leonie’s.”
I gave a shrug, “fine, see you in a bit.”
 
 
"Trix?” Janey queried.
"You ready?”
"I'll just get my bag.”
To be honest I felt a bit exposed, that’s not right, underdressed id more accurate I suppose. For three weeks I've been in various layers of skirts and tops or otherwise in pretty demure dresses, even that frock in Whitby wasn’t really too risqué but here I am stood in pretty basic jeans and T feeling a bit uncomfortable. Well I guess they are girls straight leg jeans, the T-shirt is actually a girly cotton cropped affair revealing my midriff and a pair of moccasin style shoes complete the outfit.

Its not just my clothing that’s changed, I finally managed to draw a pair of more natural looking if still thin brows and instead of the cupids bow lips, a lighter shade and shape has really changed my appearance. The unruly pinkness has found its way into a sort of bun affair and a pair of tiny gold hoops and childish flower studs adorn my ears. I even found some ‘body’ jewellery in that Claire’s place so my other facial decorations are wearing tiny sparkles, pretty but less in your face if you’ll excuse the pun. And my exposed navel has a new matching dangly.
 
 
"So what brought this on?” Janey asked once we were seated, she’d been looking at me strangely all the way across to the retail park.
"What?”
"You know damn well what Trixie, this, this almost anti Goth look, not that I don’t approve.”
"Dark and moody isn’t very practical for changing bed linen, thought I should get more appropriate stuff.”
"Those jeans don’t look much of an improvement,” my sister opined.
"They are a bit, er tight in places, I bought some cheapo leggings and T shirts for work, these are for going out.”
"I think we’ve given birth to a monster,” she chuckled, "You really are an Askwith woman!”
"Necessity,” I offered, "If I'm gonna be stuck like this for a bit I might as well make the most of it.”

My tattooed wrist caught my eye, looks like I'll have my girly decorations for some time yet, I spent nearly two hundred pounds today! But I can’t remain a Gothic nun, I need to have some sort of life until Zac can reappear – whenever that is.
 
 

© Maddy Bell 02.05.17