It wasn’t until thirty minutes later, when we arrived at The Gallery, that I realized we had come to a place my mother loved. It is a fashion gallery with wine and teas, finger foods, bread and cheese, small sandwiches, and quiche pastries. We’re to look at the modeled clothes as we sit, partake of the appetizers, and watch. Then it was time to shop.

Mom said, “Welcome to a side of this world I’m sure you didn’t dream of.”

A girl, Sofia, soon introduced herself to me as we walked around The Gallery. “I’m thankful your mother called mine. She doesn’t usually allow me to come to these events. Don’t worry, we’re not the only boys who come here at one time or another.” I took a step back and it was only then I recognized the Sofia version of Sam Wieks.

Sofia says, “I hear you’re calling yourself Shelby. You should allow me or your sister to show you the clothes you’re interested in.”

I turned and called to Angie, “Angie, I’m not expecting mom to buy me any clothes, but where’s what interests us.” Angie smiles as she takes me to another section.

“One,” she says, “we should ask for cutlets more appropriate to your size. You see this bra would be more appropriate for you. Maybe you can keep those forms as a dream goal for the woman you want to be. Your friend Sofia might already have the wrong idea and see you as a play toy.” Angie showed me some pink lace bras with ‘B’ cups. Even the padded bra could use a cutlet to fill it out.

The saleswoman, Ms. Carr, watches us closely. Angie says, “She’s buying one or two but…” The cutlets are packaged and Angie helps show me how to push my flesh where it might be visible. I chose a pink lace panty and bra and got a set of three panties and a white bra. Angie held up a spaghetti-strapped top with a nylon panty for a nightie. Once I agreed, she asked me to pick the ones I wanted.

“Ugh, I do not want a nightie.”

Angie quickly retorts, “You might be a little embarrassed that we’ll know, but you can’t convince me that you don’t want them.” She grabbed a pretty skirt, I had looked at, and a printed blouse that could go with it. Angie says, “Go into the changing area and try these on.”

“I can’t go in there?”

“There’s no separate area for girly boys. I can escort you if that would make you feel more comfortable.”

Darlene spoke up from behind me, “Shelby, if you’re to grow up to be a young woman. You are going to need some outfits for yourself. You can’t go on breaking into your sister’s wardrobe.”

“I didn’t say, I’ve been doing that.”

Darla says, “Don’t argue over moot points. Today wasn’t the first and it won’t be the last.” Darla has Lea to escort me to a changing booth. She hands me the outfit and a skater dress that she was carrying. Try them both, but come out showing how each looks on you.”

I am a willing participant as I reach the changing rooms and find a vacant one. I am, undressing as a girl; it is almost as exciting as trying new clothes. It felt good not having to rush quickly to take them off and hide them. My mother, Angie, and even my neighbor Darla knew and were helping me. I hadn’t ever imagined this would happen.

I heard the voices of others in the changing rooms, but I was scared as I did not look like Russell.

It was the skater dress that I tried on first. Zipping up the back wasn’t easy, but manageable. I had practice putting on a dress of Angie’s that was tighter; it had pulled from the sides. While the skater is snug and should look good on me, the zipper and the hook at the top are easy enough. I step out and go show Darla and my sister how I look and ask their opinions.

Angie is the first to say, “It looks very pretty on you, Shelby. It would be good for you to quietly go and change into your other outfit.” I look at her, making a face. I look at Darla and she smiles, “It is very nice. I’d like you to go back and try on the skirt outfit you chose.”

I knew where the three-sided mirror was and I turned to go there. There I see Beth Long looking at herself in a pair of designer jeans. Two friends are with her and all three, as well as I see how nicely she fits into the jeans. Beth finally looks and sees that I’m waiting to use the mirror.

The four of us get into a conversation and none recognize me. Beth and I each compliment the other on each other’s selection. Tonya, one of her friends asks, “I saw you talking to Angie Short, do you know her?

“We’re friends of sorts,” I answer.

Tonya said, “You look similar, but I don’t think she has a sister.”

I stepped back into the changing area without commenting to Tonya.

I raised the skirt that Darlene had picked out and noticed it was short. It and the printed blouse would look good together. But I called out to Darlene, ”Is there a skirt that is at least 3” longer?”

Darla with a cheery voice said, “When you come out modeling that one we can look for another one that you might like better.”

I love how it looks and makes a sharp outfit, but I’d be hesitant to bend much to pick something up, say a purse. I step out and Mom and Angie are both there with Darla. Next to them are Beth, Tonya, and Rose. Beth is the first to speak, “You left school saying you were getting sick. Well, you look quite well. We’ve already promised not to tell until you are willing to come out.”

Mom says, “You look quite smart in that outfit, but it appears you’re at a loss for words. I think your secret is getting out.”

Beth suggested, “After you get some more clothes, it would be good for you to come with us, your three new friends.”

I said, “We already know each other.”

Rose finally spoke, “We know Russell, but we don’t know you, Shelby. It would be good for you to have some friends. It seems fate has brought us together.”

Mom said, “Shelby should be famished. She has only snacked here. If you’re open to going to eat, Shelby will treat you.”

Tonya takes me by the hand and is leading me to other clothes. When I asked what we were doing, she said, “I thought you were looking for another skirt to go with that top. I saw a nice skirt, even a sweater top that could go with it.”

She knew where she was going, there were two skirts a blue and a pink print that I liked. The cream-colored sweaters that she pointed out could go with either. Tonya spoke to me, “You know I am impressed that you chose breast forms befitting an attractive girl.”

I began to say, “Well, I…” and stopped.

“The impressive thing is you’ve accepted what others said and changed,” Tonya said. “You’re probably fortunate that you got caught…” She paused, “But is this what you want?”

“Pinch me, go ahead and pinch me… Ouch!”

Tonya smiled, “I agree, this can’t be real… You should go and try these on and then we can go eat and become friends.”

The others found us on our way back to the changing rooms. The skirts were all two inches longer and came to just above my knees. Angie gave me two satin shell tops to go under the sweater. I was surprised that I liked the lime green shell to go under the sweater with the pink print skirt.

Mom said, “Well, you’ve done well on your first shopping spree. Now it is time for you to go out and enjoy your time with old friends, become new.” Mom took me aside, “It looks good, but if anything goes wrong know that you can call. I’m not expecting anything to, but I never want you to feel alone again.” We hugged and I went with Beth and the others as they checked out.

We went to the Spanish Hacienda on the highway to eat. After we ordered a pitcher of diet cola and our meals, Beth, Rose, and Tonya got up, Tonya turned and asked, “Aren’t you going to go with us to wash up?”

I am sure I blushed a little, but then picked up my purse and followed them to the women’s restroom. While I figured out how to handle things in the toilet, coming back to the sink, I was hesitant.

Rose suggested I check my purse. There was my lip gloss, makeup, and a small styling brush. It was Tonya who figured out my fear. “You’re not sure of yourself, are you? …You should be able to manage your lips. Let me help you with your hair and mascara.”

That’s what we did and the dinner and conversation couldn’t have been better. It was agreed that I wouldn’t come out the next day as Shelby. Their suggestion was within ten days. I took a deep breath and agreed. With four meals, drinks, taxes, and the tip, it was over seventy dollars. This caused me to think about what today had cost my mom and how I was going to repay her.

It was 9:30 p.m. when Beth took me home. She had already taken Rose home. I was surprised when we arrived at my house, she switched off her car. Beth and Tonya walked me to the house and wanted to say goodbye to my mom and sister.

While I was surprised, neither Mom nor Angie was surprised that the girls came in. Mom greeted us, “It looks like you’ve become good friends.”

Tonya said, “I am awestruck by Shelby. I can’t wait until she comes out and blossoms.”

Beth replied, “My guess is the first shock waves will be here. We’ll look forward to being friends when she comes out in public and school…”

Mom said, “Yes, we’ll need a few days for the shock to settle in here. I wasn’t expecting to come home and find I had a grown daughter.”

“You didn’t have any inkling to this side of Russ,” Tonya asked.

Mom said, “I had hoped he had or would outgrow it. Inkling, yes, but to be called home to discover he ordered a package of breast forms. No, that was a total surprise. I think it was a help to us all that the delivery person aroused Darlene’s care about what was happening.”

Beth said, “But the way you reacted tonight it was as though you’ve accepted it?”

“She, he’s,” my mother tried saying, “She’s family, what’s not to accept? …But that he/she kept it from me, us. Yes, that’s a shock that needs to be dealt with.”

Angie tried not to giggle, “To think I’m twenty and I come home to discover I have a sister. And then things unfold and he/she already has you accepting her as a girlfriend… Didn’t that surprise you?”

It was after 10:30 when Beth and Tonya left. Mom said, “We’ll talk in the morning and more after we're home after I work.” Mom paused, “There are no more surprises that we should be expecting tomorrow?” We hugged and Angie and I went upstairs to our rooms.

Angie said, “After you undress and put on a robe I will help you with your makeup. After your shower and you put on your nightie, I will show you how to care for your skin.”

I’ll thank you for the help with the makeup,” I said, “but moisturizing my skin and wearing a nightie, no thanks.”

Angie said, “I understand, you’re going to school tomorrow as Russ, but Mom and I already bought you the nightie and accepted all that happened today. You’re not whisking Shelby away tonight…”

Story to be continued…

Please leave comments as well as kudos.

The new nightie was pretty, and while I fought the idea of wearing it; it was something I had wanted. When my mom came into the room to say good night I pulled my covers up over my shoulders not to show my mother what I was wearing.

Mom said, “Isn’t it a little late to be shy? This must be a girl day you’ve long dreamed of. The least you could do is say thanks and show me.”

I relaxed my grip on my covers and pulled them down below my ribs. “Thanks, Mom. I keep expecting you to come down on me and punish me!”

“We will talk about you going behind our backs and not being honest. We’ll talk more tomorrow evening and on the weekend. Your father and I are not in agreement about what’s next. I want you to relax for now.

“Tomorrow at school, you’ll be yourself, Russell.”

The morning came, and waking up in my nightie assured me that yesterday was real. I showered again to make sure all signs of Shelby were gone. I dressed in jeans, an undershirt, and a plaid shirt as it turned cold for spring. All my books were still at school. My mother had written a note to the school.

I was delightfully surprised that Beth, Tonya, and Rose were keeping their word in not saying anything. They said hello and welcomed me as a friend. When the school day was over, Beth invited me to ride with her and Tonya.

I was reluctant to agree to the ride, but Tonya insisted it would be the wise thing to do. She said, “Because of my older sister, Mom’s sensitive to LGBT things and I told her I had a new friend named Shelby. …My Mom said, if you need someone, she’ll be there for you.”

“She doesn’t even know who I am.”

Once we were home, I invited them into the house. I said, “You can check the kitchen and help yourself to whatever… I’m not sure when Angie will be home, but my mom shouldn’t be home until she closes her shop at 6:00.”

Beth asked, “Are you changing over to Shelby?”

“Yeah, now that you are here,” I told her.

Tonya said, “Let us know when you’re half-dressed and we’ll be up if it is okay?” I thought that must be the way it is with some girls.

I was showering and began crying; I had had friends like this who wanted to be around me. There was a detangling cream that I rinsed my hair with. I pat dry my hair for some reason, as well as combed it out while it was damp. I wondered if my mom was going to be upset that I dressed as Shelby. I gave her a call. She thanked me for calling, saying, “What happened to my son, he wouldn’t have called.”

I said, “Yes, I did.” She permitted me to dress as Shelby. I heard that Angie arrived downstairs and was greeted by Beth and Tonya. I said goodbye to Mom and scooted on panties, a skirt, a bra, and a top as I called downstairs. “I’m mostly ready.” I heard the three of them come up the stairs.

There was a knock and Angie opened the door for the three of them. Angie took my brush, as Tonya guessed where my socks were. She took out a pair of foot socks. “Do you have another matching pair?”

I found a matching pair and she instructed me in their use. The little makeup I had was in sight. “We don’t need much,” Beth said, “just enough to present Shelby.”

When Angie was done with a blower and brushing out my hair, she went to change. Beth and Tonya asked to see what clothes I had. Not only did I bring out what we bought yesterday, but what I had saved from Angie’s clothes. Then began the questions, of how long and how I felt. We gave Shelby a birthday a month younger than mine.

Mom was home saying, “Your father will be here Saturday morning; he suggested we meet for breakfast. He wants to see Shelby out in public. He doesn’t want to lose his cool when he meets you.”

Tonya spoke up, “You could meet at our house. My mom understands some of the feelings on both sides.”

Mom said, “That is good to know. We might take her up on that at a later time if needed.”

Mom was surprised but happy that Beth and Tonya were there. “Shelby said, you brought her home.” She turned to me, “How did the first day of school go?”

“It was the same as any other, only the four of them know. I guess Tonya’s younger sister, Wendy, figured it out when they showed me too much attention.”

Tonya said, “She won’t tell anyone, our mom would come down on her. Mom gave me a gift card for Shelby to Forever 21.” I wasn’t going to ask how much it was for, but it said $50 on the card.

“Mom’s an ER nurse and I guess that is at least the second one she’s given out,” Tonya said. “They have cards for others for differing reasons. We’ve had at least one who spent two nights with us, not able to go home. There are shelters, but TG people present more problems to find a place.” My mother, sister and I gasped at the thought.

A half-hour later my mother had called Tonya Andrews’ and invited her Mom and Wendy over for pizza. She asked, “Beth would you like to stay? Your family could be invited as well.”

Beth smiled, “I need to get home for a study night, otherwise I would.”

Tonya smiled, “I canceled my time with Torey after we came over here.”

Tonya said, “I want to be a doctor or at least a physician’s assistant, but mostly I want to be like my mother.”

When the Andrews came, Tonya’s father Mike was with them. It was a bit of a shock to me that another man knew about me, but it was a good shock as he wasn’t phased in the slightest.

Mike mentioned, “A good percentage of guys think about it, but stop with costumes or dressing. Are you fairly sure this isn’t a phase that will change back?”

“I’m not 100% sure, but it’s more than a passing phase,” I said.

Wendy was giggly, “It was at lunch and I saw my sister giving attention to you. I knew you weren’t one of her regular friends. Sorry, but Russ is not her type. She did mention she could be sweet on you though.”

That caught everyone by surprise and no one more than Tonya. Later alone, Tonya asked me, “I hope you weren’t hurt by what Wendy said?”

I said, “I’m not, but is any of it true?”

It was Tonya’s turn to blush, “Maybe a bit. I hope it doesn’t offend you.”

Before the night ended, I knew Michael and Sandra Andrews talked to my mother alone. Later I found out they talked frankly about how my father might react. My mother finally admitted that my father had fits of anger, but that she was sure he would not hit me.

It had been years since my father had lost his temper and did anything other than go out and get drunk. My Mom was to keep their numbers on speed dial. She also told them where we were to meet for breakfast.

Friday was another regular day at school. Zak and Lionel asked what was going on. Zak and I needed time together to work on a computer game for Advanced Computer Programs.

=^_^=

Friday, while I was at school, another package arrived and this time my mother was home during lunchtime. It was marked: ‘Shelby’s Bonus Gift’. I got a text message at school from my Mom: “You have ballet slippers as your bonus from Femme Care. Please come by the store after school is out. Love, Mom p.s. You should have told me there was another surprise.”

After I finished lunch, I checked the guidance office to see if my counselor was free to speak to me. I knocked at her door, “Ms. Harper, do you have a moment that we can visit?”

Miss Harper looked up, “Yes, Russell, isn’t it? It is a delightful surprise to see you. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s not about school per se, but I need to know if it is still confidential?”

Her smile became a little more serious, “Yes, unless you are thinking of hurting yourself or someone else.”

I said, “No, I already promised not to do that.” I told her that I received something girly in the mail, and now my mother had texted me that another package had come. I said, “Three girls in my class have found out that I have a girly side to me. I need to know if there is someone I can go to for counseling?”

I saw her eyes look to the side, and it caused me to suspect one of the girls talking to her. She responded, “I am glad you trusted me to tell me this. I agree it is a lot to carry alone.”

I said, “I’m not carrying alone, my family, as well as the three friends, know. I was wondering if there is someone, like a psychologist, who knows about stuff, people like me?”

“Well,” she said, “you know we have an LGBT support group. The Lutheran Hospital runs one as well. I can check my resources and have some counselors and their contact information. Do you need it right now or would the end of the school day be okay?”

We talked a little longer and I went to my classes and would pick up her list for me at the end of the school day.

My Mom’s gift and floral shop were two miles away from school. I didn’t cherish the idea of walking there. I was relieved when Rose asked if there was a way she could help. Fridays just happened to be a day she usually had a family car. By the time I was at my locker and had picked up my note from the counselor and got to the school's front door. I still had to wait until she was there.

It wasn’t much of a surprise that Tonya was with her. Tonya was forthright and asked, “What are you in trouble with your mother? What did you do?”

“Something like that, I guess another package was delivered,” he said.

She smiled and asked, “Did your breast forms come with areolas?” The question amused Russell, but he didn’t reply.

They were soon at the store and there were ample things to browse around and look at. The refrigerator and display doors for flowers line the back wall. Doris greeted them near the registrar as they entered. “Your mom and Maisy are further back, taking care of orders.”

Russ had watched Doris to see if she looked at him differently but saw no changes.

He saw his mom from the back with her dirty blond hair. She was forty-something but looked no older than thirty-five. “Hey Mom, I’m here!”

Maisy Cartwright picked up a carton behind a counter and was bringing it. She had a smile suggesting she might know its contents. Mom took and showed the addressed box to Russ, “To Shelby Short” with their address. It had been cut and opened where the box had been sealed. While it was now closed, pink wrapping tissue extended out of the box.

His Mom asked, “Did you ask for this gift, or was it chosen by them?”

He said, “I forgot that there was a bonus gift, and no, I didn’t request anything.”

Mom and I went back to the flower work area, where I saw at least three arrangements ready to do. Just on the other side of the higher counter Mom placed the box on a lower counter and opened it. Wrapped in the pink tissue was a pink pair of ballet shoes, which my mom picked up.

Rose was the first to comment, “Very cute, does this mean you saw yourself as a ballerina?” Mom suddenly pushed the slippers back into the box. She had not expected that the others had readily followed us.

I closed my eyes, praying that my embarrassment would end. Quickly recovered, I lifted the slippers. They were pretty and were stated to be medium in size.

Raising on her toes and extending her arms, Tonya said, “I practiced ballet until I was thirteen. They look pretty, you should try them on.”

Maisy brought over a work stool, “I asked about Shelby after your mother opened the box. Maybe you could be one of our delivery girls?” Maisy pointed for me to sit and offered to help take off my shoes. One thing naturally looked to follow the next step until my socks came off.

I was wearing knee-high stockings under my socks and pants; to top it off, my toenails were painted pink. In the background, I heard my mom murmur, “Only you.”

Tonya bent down and took control of putting my feet under the white stretch bands that were to go over the top of my feet. Only a lean five-foot-seven young man appeared naturally as I stood in the shoes and rose to the balls of my feet. One foot went to tippy toes.

Once on the flat of my feet, I found myself in the middle of a group hug that defied the space we were in. I sighed, “Mom, I swear, I didn’t know about this”

The next morning, I wore an old skirt outfit of Angie’s that I liked. I wore just enough makeup not to look like Russell. I saw Dad in his car when we were going into the café.

My Dad and Mr. and Mrs. Andrews came in the door right after one another. I am sure my father didn’t recognize the Andrews. And I am fairly sure my Mom was surprised to see them.

My father said, “I’m surprised to see you, Shelby, you have grown.” Sarcasm or anger I wasn’t sure, but there were emotions behind his words.

The Andrews were seated several tables away from us, and I was now glad they were there. Breakfast went okay and the food was good, and Mom and Dad updated each other on everything but me. My father suggested I ride home with my father, but my mother insisted that she ride home with him and that I ride home with Angie in my mother’s car. That is what we did.

The Andrews had already paid their bill and I was hoping they would follow my parents home. My father was in control of himself but as Angie said, “He looks like he’s not settled on things yet.”

Mother looked shaken when she came through the door and my father called for me and told me to sit. “How can you be like this, where did we go wrong?”

Mom was on her phone and quickly told my father while she was talking, “We didn’t do anything wrong. But Russell/Shelby needs space and our support to discover who she is.”

My father saw her on the phone and yelled, “Who are you talking to?”

Mom said, “The Andrews wants to talk with us. She’s a nurse and they’ve been through this.”

Dad in a raised voice said, “It better not be the Wieks and their son Sam/Sofia. We don’t need to talk to anyone!”

The doorbell rang and my father collected his composure before Mom let the Andrews in. Mr. Andrews began the conversation, “We know better than to tell you how to feel, we just want you to know we too went through a broad range of emotions and questions when our eldest daughter came out as a lesbian.”

Dad said, “Yes, but your son didn’t come out as a fruitcake of a daughter. What did we do wrong? How do we change things before it gets out of control?”

“Mr. Short,” I’m a medical person and I can tell you, you did nothing wrong. Your son didn’t plan to come out yet, but, like often happens, who he is, has his schedule. We just happened to know about this through our daughter Tonya, who saw Shelby.”

My father’s voice raised, “You can’t tell me this is normal?”

Mike said, “Unusual, yes, but not abnormal, it is something your son is going through. There are at least two teens in our county, who committed suicide before they reached eighteen, more who tried. Is that what you want?”

My father looked at me; he didn’t ask though I knew he wanted to, ‘He wouldn’t do that!’

I had thought of it but never seriously. The worst I was depressed in eighth and ninth grade. It was then I found outlets online and planned what I would do. It worked, except I got caught. My dad would get angry, but I planned it was to be in college that I would change…”

Story to be continued…
Please leave comments…

Friday night, when I slept my dream relived my putting on the ballet slippers with Tonya’s help; I enjoyed them for a moment and just as quickly had them off. When Mom said, “I guess that takes you back to when Angie had dance lessons, and you said you wanted them. Sorry, but we didn’t take that request seriously.”

I woke up and I said to myself, “I think dad did, and that’s why it didn’t happen. I got many clues over the years that girl things weren’t for boys. Dad was proud enough that Angie could shoot a basketball or throw a baseball. I could too but that was expected of me.”

I heard an echo in my mind, “Your Dad was just trying to protect you from what others would say. It may not be fair that girls can do boy things, but that is the way it has been. But things are changing.”

Back to now, Rose soon mentioned that she needed to get home, especially if I’m to take them home.

Mom said, “Rose, you can leave them if Tonya and Russ don’t mind being my delivery girls. Russ knows how to do it.” Rose left and there were three deliveries we were to make; actually, four but two were to the hospital.

Mom gave Tonya and I tops for Short’s Floral, Gifts & More which we discretely put on. There are spots in the delivery van that hold various containers properly. The first task is to get them in securely and use the proper partitions to keep them safe. Next is mom’s lecture on how I’m to drive and a reminder to Tonya to remind me as needed.

We delivered a birthday bouquet and a balloon to one woman. That was enroute to the hospital.

We checked at the hospital desk to make sure we had the correct room numbers, which we did. But then we were told to leave them for their volunteer to deliver them. That stunk as one arrangement was more sensitive to delays and proper handling. The receptionist called to the floor that the arrangement was to be delivered to. The head nurse there saw no problem and knew the patient could use encouragement. We were then permitted to deliver both arrangements. Gertrude the recipient of the flower arrangement gave out a laugh as she recognized me.

“What has Master Russell looking like a younger Miss. Short,” she laughs. And she readily jumps to the conclusion, “This is the real you, isn’t it?”

I had not seen Gert in over a year and I had not recognized her full name. I know I blushed, as Tonya spoke up. “You don’t seem shaken by him as Shelby? …Sorry forgot my manners. How are you, Mrs. Hedden?”

Gert responded with a brighter smile, “I am better with something to cheer me up.” She opened the little card and learned her sister remembered her and was on her way. Tonya and I shortened my story as much as we could. Finally, I excused ourselves saying we needed to deliver the other arrangement of flowers.

The last arrangement was to the best area of biggest houses and finest properties in the community. Mrs. Biggs’ servant answered the door; she made us go in and take the bouquet to Mrs. Biggs in their sitting room. Where she was entertaining three quests.

“My did Ms. Short outdo herself sending two lovely people to deliver my flowers. Sorry Russell, but with your mom’s shirt, your slender frame, and some extra curl in your hair. Well, you know what I mean.”

I introduced, “Tonya Williams is helping me this afternoon.”

Mrs. Biggs made a fuss and required us to sit a moment and enjoy a cookie and some tea. She even fussed until I sat straight up like Tonya. Having a cookie on a napkin and a cup of tea balanced on my legs; is something I had thought about. Now it made me nervous, very nervous. I imitated Tonya and lived through the experience. I took Tonya home before I went back to the shop.

Mom and Maisy giggled when they heard of our experiences. There were two late calls for deliveries. Thus I got to take Tonya home, deliver the flowers and take the delivery van home for the night.

Now here I am worried about my world crashing in around me. My Dad was angry and had trouble coming to grips with his son possibly being a girl.

“Damn son, I was grieved enough that your build is wrong; you’re not the son I wanted. Now, I find out you don’t even want to be a man.”

“Daddy, I didn’t say that,” I said.

He said, “This isn’t the Waltons, a guy doesn’t say ‘Daddy’. I don’t want you killing yourself. I do love you but this is a lot to get my mind around. You’re going to need to give me some space… Does Grandma Short know about this; I hope it doesn’t kill her.”

Mom said, “No we haven’t told anyone yet?”

Dad raises his voice again, “The Andrews, they’re nobody. You said, Three girls know, they’re all nobody.” My Dad’s language and the whole conversation were colorful. It would have been funny if it was a sitcom.

Dad came over to me with his arms out wide. I was going to be hugged or thrown across the room. My father began to cry as he hugged me. “I’m sorry Honey, you look as pretty as a princess, but I was hoping you were going to be different… Your grandmother tried to tell me about this years ago.”

My Mom informed my Dad that I was one of her delivery girls yesterday afternoon. And that she had heard from Gertrude Hedden, who had been ailing and found herself brightened by the appearance of our daughter Shelby.

Mom said, “Everyone has not been talking and acknowledging this for so long; it is a relief to me that it’s out. I suspect someone will try to make this out to be worse than it is.”

Angie came to the kitchen, “Since I didn’t hear an explosion of some sort, I thought it would be safe to see if I have a brother or sister.”

Mom told her, “The Andrews coming over and helping to bring an understanding that what is happening is normal for Shelby. We’re going to take the weekend and then day by day…”

“Shelby, I haven’t told you yet, but I have a therapist friend, Dr. Marie who can see you bright and early Monday at 8:00 a.m. You will probably miss school then and decide who goes to school on Tuesday.”

The doorbell rang and I was encouraged to open the door. Maisy was personally delivering a bouquet and balloons. It was from my mom’s floral and gift shop and for me. There was a smaller gift, that would have been lost to most upon the first observance, but not by me. Tied halfway up the ribbon of one balloon was a pinkie ring. The flowers and balloons were girly enough, but they would fade or lose their air. The ring was there to be worn as long as I liked, and to enjoy I’m a girl.

I asked, “Mom, when do you think I should come out as Shelby and go to school as her?”

Dad spoke up quickly, “You said, you’re Shelby so no waiting. Either be her or don’t pretend she’s you!” I tried to speak up, “No!” Dad said, “You have my support, do you want to be her or not?”

“Hold on, Shelby just give your Dad time to get his head around this. Go upstairs and I’ll be up with you in a little way. Stay dressed as we should go shopping for the clothes, you need.”

I went upstairs to my room and heard my folks talking loudly. I heard Dad, “The past few days he looked more than comfortable being Shelby. You have no trouble buying a wardrobe for her… I bet by now the word is getting around anyway.”

Mom came upstairs and using the fillets measured by chest again, saying, “You’re going to be wearing a size B cup bra when you go to school, Shelby.”

Not that I disagreed, but we hadn’t decided anything that I remembered. “When did we decide that,” I asked?

“Being a more normal girl is going to be enough to handle, plus I already ordered the breast forms from the company you used. You selected the proper skin tone and all. I even asked them to expedite the order. They should be here tomorrow.”

I said, “Mom, I’m eighteen, I get to make my own decisions.”

Mom said, “But you already have limited funds, you’re living here, and if you don’t wear them, I’m the one out of the money.” She opens her arms for me to step to her and take a hug which I do.

It was 3:00 in the afternoon when Angie, Mom, and I went to a line of stores mostly for women. It was hard finding what was acceptable to my mother: Limited if any cleavage, above the knee, was okay but not more than two inches, and only one pair of designer jeans that wouldn’t ride down my rear. I too wasn’t wanting to be daring. Angie was the one who helped us to find the jeans, three skirts and one dress that we bought.

Andrea Dordt and Mrs. Hillier were the only two people who would have known about me if Ms. Hillier hadn’t already sent two photos of her discovering me. Mom’s friend Marie Arendt texts mom to say she’d stop over tonight. I was all but sure her daughters Kylene and Jaylene would be there as well.

Angie spoke up, “My friends Sara and Juli, text me. They’re wanting to come to see Shelby. They recognized that Russ isn’t the Shelby they were expecting. But they said that doesn’t matter, they’re coming to see her.”

Mom called home and had my father order some pizzas to be delivered around 7:30.

I didn’t want people to be commenting on my legs, so I wore a pair of silver opaque leggings with a blue knit dress that my sister coordinated with it. It was an interesting combination that others liked, thought was creative, came with many suggestions to accessorize with them.

While people were surprised, no one seemed overwhelmed by my coming out. Kylene even asked, “Was this why you had three new girlfriends this week?”

It was Kylene who reiterated something, that Tonya, had mentioned to my mom and me. “Will you want to go to the prom?”

I guess it was Kylene who text Tonya and Beth to come over to our house. They showed up a little before 8:00. Nine o’clock found me on my computer looking at prom dresses with seven others from my sister’s age to a year younger than me surrounding my computer screen.

Mom broke up the group and idea, “Let’s not get ahead of where she’s at. She would need to be at school at least two weeks before we’d even consider that.”

Angie spoke up, “The possibility of Shelby deciding is already late…”

Story to be continued…
Please leave comments…

Previously: I guess it was Kylene who text Tonya and Beth to come over to our house. They showed up a little before 8:00. Nine o’clock found me on my computer looking at prom dresses with seven others from my sister’s age to a year younger than me surrounding my computer screen.
Mom broke up the group and idea, “Let’s not get ahead of where she’s at. She would need to be at school at least two weeks before we’d even consider that.”
Angie spoke up, “The possibility of Shelby deciding about a prom dress is already late…”

Now: Angie giggled, “Shelby is already behind other girls in looking for prom dresses. Tell us Shelby did you ever imagine going to a prom?”

I turned silent until my mother insisted that I answer. “Well, I imagined trying on the dresses. But I never really imagined a boy asking me out though I liked the idea of dancing in a nice dress.”

Mother inquired, “So you did see yourself going to a prom and dancing with someone?”

I asked, “How did you know that, or were you just guessing?”

She said, “I’ve read one study that indicated that possibility? It means you’re probably not gay, but transgender.”

I asked again, “When did you read something like that?

Mom said, “Four years or so ago, then I read it again last night. I guess it is common with some trans-girls.”

“Mom, I like wearing nice clothes like this, crossdressing probably, but I’m not ready to say I’m transgender.”

“Then why don’t you call it a night, and sleep on it,” she suggested.

Angie followed me up to my room, as others left. Angie said, “You’ve acknowledged to me that you’re probably transgender; why did you deny it then?”

I said, “That’s how it is, sometimes I think so, sometimes I deny it altogether and more often than not I wonder about who I really am.”

Angie asked, “What do you think of mom ordering the size B breastforms?”

“I know the others are too big for me now, but the idea that Mom knows me better is a little disturbing. That she ordered them without my agreeing was wrong.”

We hear my father speak up, “Angela Short get out of there. Don’t go reinforcing ideas in Russell’s head. It is bad enough that your mother is supportive as she is.”

I showered, removed any makeup I had on, and went to bed. I can’t remember when I changed from daydreaming and when I actually fell asleep as the dreams continued. This is why I was excited about being eighteen and able to pursue being me.

Mom, Dad, and others already knowing is all contrary to what I thought. Darla Woods, my neighbor… new friends in Beth, Rose and Tonya is unbelievable. Angie accepting me as a sister…

It was eleven o’clock Sunday morning when Tonya got me on the computer. “I hope, giving you a friendship ring wasn’t too much on my part. I overheard your mother talking to Maisy, and I selected the ring.”

‘Presumptuous? I thought, no. I was surprised someone like her would want to share a friendship ring with me. I thought it was included just to make me happy.’ Tonya took my silence wrong, “I’m sorry, it was way too early for me to do that.”

“No, that’s not it,” I said. “I’d love to be friends like that, I just didn’t expect to be liked.” There was more silence, “That is one of my biggest dreams to have a special friend who’s another girl.”

Tonya said, “You know what I’d like?”

I had no idea where she was going with that, but I couldn’t think of how to reply. She said, “We don’t really know each other. You know my name, and I’ve seen you around as Russ. But neither of us really knows the other, other than I like what I’ve seen so far. Do you think your parents would mind if I came over and we just took time to walk around and know each other?”

I giggled and then apologized. “That would be great. Please have permission to stay if my Mom invites you to dinner.” Our visit ended.

I called out of my room, “Mom and Dad is it alright if Tonya comes over to talk with me?”

Mom replies, “If you’re comfortable with her being here, ask her to stay for dinner. We will be eating early afternoon.”

It was a quarter to 1:00 when mom asked me to set the dinner table for eight people. It wasn’t unusual that grandma Strayer would be over, but it wasn't until I was setting the table that my sister’s friends Juli and Sara showed up.

My father was partially happy because mom made lasagna, but was critical that Tonya encouraged me to wear a skater dress that showed off my legs. The dress was moderate in length and even grandma said it looked good and was modest for a girl my age.

Sara commented, “I like the pantyhose you chose as it doesn’t show leg markings like you’re wearing long panties underneath.”

I remarked, “I’m glad I can sit up, have a napkin in my lap, and take smaller bites without being seen as different. They are some of the small things I like in being Shelby.”

Mother said, “I’m glad. I’ve noticed it before, but now it seems naturally you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Angie was the first to bring up, “We hope you and Tonya might go shopping with us. Mom thinks you need more of the essentials. I thought it might be better if we take you out and make sure you get what you like. You also need to learn to be a good shopper.”

Tonya said, “I can take most of the afternoon, but I need to do some school work later.”

It was after dinner, yet just before we went shopping. That a special delivery package came addressed to me. My mother was amused, “It could benefit what you’re ready to do. But on the other hand, it would take time and the others might figure out what it is?”

Angie was the one who let the cat out of the bag, “Mom, you don’t think her breastforms would already be here, do you?”

Tonya said, “I noticed you weren’t wearing your larger boobs. So what you’re wearing now is all stuffing?” I was slightly embarrassed, but I liked that everyone had seen me just as another girl.

Mom, Grandma, and I went up to my room to change. I was happy that the forms were a fuller size B and as with my older ones, the skin tone was a good match with my skin. I helped with using makeup to blend in where my breastforms and skin met.

After I got dressed again, it was nice to feel my breastforms as part of me. Tonya was the first to respond, “You like how they feel, don’t you? I’m not sure if it is enjoyment or a sense of confidence I see in you, but there’s a difference.”

We all squeezed into one car and were on our way. I even enjoyed walking from the car to the lineup of women’s stores. Sara mentioned, “I never expected to be going shopping with your younger brother and look forward to it.”

Angie said, “Let that be the last remark about my brother while we’re shopping. We can tease her a little bit today but she’s my sister.”

We focused on getting me spring and the start of a summer wardrobe. Three skirts and numerous tops we noticeably for school and casual dress. We were going into another women’s store that kind of spoke that it was better than others. Tonya whispered, “You’ll like this if we get something here.”

My sister made her way to several racks of dresses that were stated to be 20% or more off. “Good,” she said, “they’ve put some new dresses over here getting ready for a new week.” We weren’t the only shoppers looking for something good. Sis pulled out three dresses: one was a sage green that I thought was nice, and another was blue with a print of white butterflies and flowers along the skirt portion. There was another that was nice, but not for me at least not now.

Angie lifts two, “These seemingly caught your eye, go and try them on.”

“Sis, they’re not just everyday dresses,” I let out?

Juli said, “No they’re not but every girl needs a couple of nice dresses. You don’t need to buy either but you should try them on and see how they look on you.”

The blue dress with the butterflies on the chiffon skirt and the white flowers on the regular skirt made the dress come to life. It was everything I had dreamed of and it fitted fantastically well. The sage dress was beautiful but it didn’t sit well on me.

We put the sage dress back and set the blue one aside. Every one of us was trying on what we liked, and finally, Sara and Juli found two to their liking.

Tara, a saleswoman, said to me, “You liked the sage dress, and have been looking for another like it, but better fitting. I think we have what you want, but it is not on sale yet. Let me show you, and you can try some on.”

I said, “There’s no need, I probably can’t afford it.” She smiled and led me over to the dresses she was talking about. There it was a mid-length sage dress that caught my eyes; she didn’t even have to point it out.

Tara said, “You’re the one who picked it out, find your size and go try it on. I think it would be beautiful on you.” I looked to Angie and she moved her head in affirmation.

I don’t know how Tara knew the fit would be good as it was cut differently from the blue dress. But it actually fit better, it snuggled my body as I zipped it up. While I could tell by the mirror in the changing room that it looked good on me. I wanted to go look at it in the three mirrors outside of the dressing rooms.

Tonya and my sister were especially pleased as I was with how it looked.

Tara said, “Now you have a decision to make; do you wait and hope it’s still there when it goes on sale, or do you make an exception and buy it now?”

I look over to Angie, who said, “If you get it for Easter, mom would probably be understanding, but it is expensive for you.”

The saleswoman said, “If you buy both dresses, I would take ten dollars off this one now.”

I sighed, “I’m sorry, but I’m going to say ‘no’ for now.”

Tara said, “I understand, but I will expect you to come again and be a customer again.” She helped us to check out, including one of the sale dresses for Angie.

We took Tonya to her house before we got home. She turned to Angie and asked, “Do you have any idea if your mother will allow Shelby to come to school tomorrow or Tuesday if the doctor said it was okay?”

Angie looked at me and then Tonya, “It is probably a matter of time and the doctor, but that’s still a big question that I don’t know the answer to.”

Story to be continued…

I was awake early Monday morning and getting ready for my appointment to see Dr. Maria Tulle at 8:00. I had used just enough makeup to even out my complexion. Mom and Angie were pleasantly amused as both thought the other had helped me. I giggled, “You two thinking that is a nice compliment, but I have learned by watching you.”

Mom and I left by 7:20; I hadn’t known how far it was to the clinic that Dr. Tulle worked at. The receptionist was surprised, “Dr. Marie rarely comes in this early.” We had a small pile of forms to fill out. I was given several sheets to read and respond to.

The first time I looked up to my mother, she said, “Answer to the best of your ability and be frankly honest. Do not worry about me, we’re here for you.”

I knew since I was little that I liked girls as my closest friends, but that was misunderstood by many. I was not a little boy flirting with them, I wanted to be seen as a friend and play like another girl. I remember being seven when I realized I had to settle for learning from afar and being with them when I could. Even most girls didn’t understand.

I liked a girl named Teg, when our moms got together, Teg would dress me in her costumes and have me play with her. That worked until I was nine, and twice since. I was twelve when we visited before a Halloween party. I was invited to go and needed to dress in one of Teg’s costumes and wear makeup.

The most recent, I was sixteen and my mother visited another friend only to find out her friend was having a mother/daughter outing. They thought Mom was bringing Angie. When the daughter Leah saw my smile, she asked, “You wouldn’t mind having your ears pierced and being a girl for a weekend, would you?”

My mom had resisted, but Leah and her mother insisted their weekend would be ruined if I weren’t allowed to play along. While I didn’t get a perm, my hair was styled and I did have a makeover. It was a story, I was never able to tell even to Angie or my dad.

The stories were only part of what Dr. Maria went by. I met with her and then took some personality tests and we would meet with her again at 12:30. She and I would meet with my mother again at 1:30. This was not a regular meeting day with clients.

She started by suggesting to us, “Russell/Shelby is gender fluid. It is not easy to tell how much is by choice and upbringing. Shelby is very accepting of Russell’s help in getting to this place in her life. It was her intention to surface after graduation, but the snafu was probably an outward cry for you to discover her. I am sure she is relieved that others know. That some won’t be as accepting, is something she already expected. The affirmation of some is her big surprise.”

We would communicate to the school, Tuesday and Wednesday, about my gender identity. It would be either Thursday or Friday that I would go to school as Shelby Short. I did give permission to my Mom to meet with Dr. Tulle concerning how they might give support to me in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

I had chosen to continue presenting myself as Shelby until sometime after I started to attend school as Shelby.

After school on Thursday, I went to Darla’s house and helped her around the house. We went out and visited with her friends as they went shopping. Her friend Tiffany Jeters was the first person to link me to the Shorts who lived next door to Darla.

Tiffany asked, “Do you know my cousin Tonya Andrews? She said she met this most unusual boy and that I shouldn’t rush to judgment when I learn about him.”

Tiffany was now planning to visit Darla again this weekend at Darla’s house. Tiffany with permission helped me choose a necklace that she bought for me. I am sure it wasn’t anything important to another girl, but it not only looked pretty. It was nice to feel a necklace chain around my neck.

That Tonya Andrews came and saw me wearing the necklace, made it even a greater experience. Tonya and I went to a makeup counter where she had me choose one of three lip-glosses that we agreed on. Tonya told me, “Use just enough to light up your smile.” I didn’t understand until I saw the transformation she was talking about.

I asked, “Aunt Darla did you know it could do that?” She smiled both about the lipstick and my calling her an ‘aunt’.

I lifted and was carrying Lea when I noticed Lea had a soiled diaper. Darla asked me, “What happens at my house when someone finds a dirty diaper?”

I said, “It is usual that person’s turn to change the diaper.”

I was asked if I knew how and I tried to get out of doing it. Tonya said, “I’ll grab the diaper bag and you and I can use the family restroom to change her.” I hoped it meant Tonya would actually change Lea’s diaper, but that was not the case. She just made sure I did it properly.

Once Lea was changed and we were back to Tiffany and Darla, they had decided to treat Tonya and me to dinner out. Darla had already called and received permission from my mom. Darla took a picture of Tonya, Lea, and me returning to them. I guess I had a smile of satisfaction that she insisted on sharing with my mother to whoever would see it. We heard from numerous friends of Tonya’s with many requests for me to like them on social media.

It was Saturday and I was with my three new girlfriends when Tonya gathered us together at the mall eating area. She asked me, “Do you who Gilbert Scott is?”

I wasn’t sure until Beth described him and Rose reminded me that he graduated the previous year. I said, “He’s the smart and good-looking guy who goes to the community college; isn’t he? He should have gone to a better university, but he’s from a poorer family.”

Tonya showed me a text message she got from him, asking, “Do you know if Shelby Short has been asked out on a date yet?”

Tonya said, “My mother knew about the text this morning. And she just got a message from your mom that it was okay to share the message with you.”

Beth asked, “Tonya is that the reason you asked about going bowling tonight?”

Gilbert and I had been friends, not terribly close, but we knew each other and shared several interests. I said, “I know who he is, but I’m not going out on any public date with a group. I’d need to be a better friend first.”

My friends and I continued shopping at the stores. I wasn’t completely surprised when I saw Gilbert standing near one of the waterfalls and ponds near the center of the mall.

I could tell that Gilbert was probably as nervous as I was about how I might respond. I turned to Beth who was closest to me, “You know it takes a lot of nerve for a guy to leave himself standing out there like that.”

Beth said, “I don’t know but you can probably appreciate what he’s doing.”

I turn and asked, “What am I supposed to do?”

Tonya said, “A girl would lead with her heart if she felt moved to.”

Rose said, “You could just talk to him. You could still go home with us.”

We got as close as fifteen feet when I continued to walk over to him. We sat on the short wall around the water. Gil touched my fingers and I spoke, “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Things went quiet, “I dreamed of this but I never could see the boy’s face.”

He said, “I hope my face doesn’t scare you off. I wouldn’t want to date a girl that I didn’t already see as a friend.” I know I blushed a little and smiled.

I looked back at my friends and felt them staring, though they tried not to. I asked, “Gil would it be alright if we got to know each other better someplace else?”

Without thinking we each took hold of the other’s hand and walked away. We both knew of a walking path with benches along a river close by. My shoes were better for the mall than a walking path, but they were good enough. Wearing a skirt was also better for shopping than the breeze along the river, but I made do.

We were talking as Gilbert took some stones and skipped them across the water. I figured it was not very girl-like, but I too had nervous energy to burn. I picked up two stones the first skipped four times, but the second stone plunked and went right down into the water. We laughed.

Gil said, “I expect people will speculate about us, but as I said I’d only date a girl I considered as a friend. I have missed out a few times by waiting too long. I don’t mean to be forward. I didn’t really see you like a girl, but I like what I see.”

It was an hour before I received a text from Tonya, “Are you okay?”

I text back, “I’m safe and we’re talking. Nothing tonight, thanks.”

Gilbert and I talked and decided when was enough for today. Gil gave me a ride home and we had talked about the possibility of going out the next night. It needed to be alright with my folks. Dad said, “It’s a new situation, I treat you as being vulnerable as a young woman.”

“Dad, I know how guys think and I will have my phone and something more to protect me.” I looked to mom, “I want to be a girl, but not a victim…”

Story to be continued…

Shelby was caught by surprise big time. The past week she had not seriously thought someone would ask her to go on a date, nor that she was open to even be with a boy for something as simple as a time together.

Shelby, her Mom, and Angie had a big discussion, though Angie wasn’t to do much of the talking. I initially said I could wait and I wasn’t interested in Gilbert, but my mother challenged me.

She said, “Something about your response tells me that isn’t exactly true. Your pupils contracted as they often do when things are not fully true.” She asked, “Is it boys in general or Gilbert Scott in particular that you’re not excited about being with?”

I was surprised by her response in being forthright about it. I was caught off-guard and said, “I am comfortable with Gilbert as a friend, but I just didn’t see something like this happening so soon.”

Mom said, “You can wait as long as you want.”

I said, “But he might not be there if I wait. I don’t know how long I’d have to wait for someone to ask me again?”

Angie looked at both of us, to be sure it was okay to speak. “If it would be bowling or a putt-putt golf game you would be not that close and it would be rather easy. If he took you to a dance at the college that would test your comfort zone.”

“When I told him tomorrow night might be too early, he did say there is a dance next Friday.”

Mom said, “Why don’t you two go for another walk and talk it through. It seems important enough to you.”

I text him yet tonight and then called Tonya and we talked. My message box beeped but I kept talking to Tonya and then Beth. It was eleven in the evening and when I checked there were two messages from Gil. The first he wanted to talk to me; the second message was that he’d pick me up at 1:15 if he didn’t receive a message back.

Angie was out on a date, so I confirmed with my mother and father that he was taking me for a walk the next day.

My father asked if Gilbert was gay? I told him about Gil being open to date a girl that he considered a friend. And that while Gil was not socially that active I was pretty sure he saw himself as being straight.

Dad suggested that I should go to church tomorrow, even if it was one where I wouldn’t be known. He said, “We’re not terribly religious, but we’re honest in our faith and with God. This is not a time to be changing that. Your mom or I would be comfortable going with you.”

It, initially, sounded strange coming from my dad, but then it goes with his notion of being simple and upfront about his faith.

There was a popular church called Grace Church some ten miles away. There were several services and the second and third services had over a thousand attending each. I agreed to go to the nine-thirty service with whomever.

It was a much bigger church than I used to attend and while there weren’t hundreds of older teens. There were more than I could count and two that actually said hello. Strangely, I felt comfortable being in church and even found myself praying, “God, I’m not religious, but I believe. I don’t expect acceptance but I need it.” The service changed, and someone said, ‘You’re accepted by God where you are.’

I looked at my mother, “Hmm, timely to hear.” She took my folded hands and squeezed them. “Is that what you were praying for?”

It was too surreal to believe, I said, “Amen” in my prayer, and put my attention to the service.

Mom said, “Amen, means ‘let it be so.’”

I said, “It’s probably a coincidence.”

Mom said, “Just like our being here. It’s okay to hope, God is love.”

Mom, dad, and I went for a late breakfast. Dad commented that I made a boy or two turn their heads. “Ewe, I’m still not impressed about that,” I said.

Mom noticed and said, “Right now, Shelby’s got more important things. She needs our support. The possibility of one boy is enough.”

Not sure where Gil and I would be going to talk; I borrowed a jean’s skirt of Angie’s, wore a light sweater, and a pair of flats that were more of a walking shoe. Angie was going to take me to the mall to meet Gil. But he was told by his mother he needed to pick me up at my house.

I did introduce him to my parents. The only question I permitted to ask was when I might be brought home. He mentioned a park with a historical overlook and said that he would have me home around three.

Spring had started and the trees were budding and a few flowers were blooming. I didn’t yet have a spring coat, and wearing a skirt I was chilled. Gil shared his lightweight coat and initially just held my hand. Sixty degrees felt warm for spring. When he hugged me, I was even warmer.

We had decided we would double date either with my sister and her date or Tonya and her boyfriend.

There was a surprise for me that I had thought about going to the prom, but I didn’t expect Gil to have thought of it. Gil said, “You know Tonya and I talked. She agreed with me that a guy who graduated last year is permitted to go to the prom this year.”

I quickly said, “It is too early to talk about anything like that.”

He said, “But I heard your sister told you, your mom, and Tonya that it would soon be too late to look for a good prom dress.”

I mumbled under my breath, ‘I hate my sister.’ But it wasn’t true. Since my sister had said that; I had two dreams about going to the prom.

I text Tonya about possibly double dating, and soon had a call from her. “Hi, Shelby. A date would be good and my boyfriend Travis also goes to the community college. He mentioned there’s a dance this Friday night.”

It was partially true that I didn’t know how to dance as a girl, but Tonya assured me that she and others could have me dancing well enough by Friday. My reply to Tonya was, “You have to be kidding if you expect me to go to a dance this Friday?”

Tonya giggled over the phone, “You know as well as I that you’d like to do it. You might be scared, but tell him yes! We will help you learn to dance.” She paused and then asked, “It is something you’ve dreamed of, isn’t it?”

She paused again, “I think you will need to get a good gaff before the dance.” I knew I blushed in embarrassment: something Tonya couldn’t see and that Gilbert didn’t need to know why.

I got my composure and told Gil about the possibility of going to the dance. Gil agreed readily and even suggested we get something to eat before the dance.

Gilbert was true to his word and we were back at my house a little before three. What I didn’t expect was him to walk me to the door saying, “I suspect, I should go in with you and explain myself to your parents.”

My father opened the door as we were just reaching it. Gil was the first to speak, “I was wondering if it would be alright to come in and tell you we’d like to go to our dance this coming Friday. I even suggested getting something to eat beforehand.”

My father invited us in and called to my mother, “Honey, come here please! It looks like our daughter has a date to go dancing.”

Gilbert sat next to me on the couch and took hold of my hand. He said, “You probably wonder about a boy who wants to date Shelby so soon after she’s come out as a girl?”

“Well, I’ve always preferred girls and three years ago when I first met Russell, I thought he was a tomboy. We’ve never been close friends, and I never told him that I first thought he was a girl. But being a friend with a girl was something I always wanted before I would date her.” He said, “As you can see, we are comfortable with each other.”

My dad was at a loss for what to say and asked Gil about sports and other things he liked. Finally, he said, “I respect, someone willing to speak up for himself. But what do you expect to come from this?”

Gil blushed, “Sir, I’m just asking her to dinner and a dance. I’m hoping it is okay, I don’t really have any expectations pass going out. I’m hoping she’s serious about wanting to be a girl.”

Mother asked me, “And Shelby what do you have to say for yourself?”

“Well, we were friends, but I never expected to be going out with him,” I said. “I’m a little bit surprised to be holding his hand in front of you. But somehow, I’m comfortable with it. I only see him as a guy and me as the girl I always imagined…”

Story to be continued…

My dad was at a loss for what to say and asked Gil about sports and other things he liked. Finally, he said, “I respect, someone willing to speak up for himself. But what do you expect to come from this?” …Gil blushed, “Sir, I’m just asking her to dinner and a dance. I’m hoping it is okay, I don’t really have any expectations pass going out. I’m hoping she’s serious about wanting to be a girl.” …Mother asked me, “And Shelby what do you have to say for yourself?...” “Well, we were friends, but I never expected to be going out with him,” I said. “I’m a little bit surprised to be holding his hand in front of you. But somehow, I’m comfortable with it. I only see him as a guy and me as the girl I always imagined…”

Now: It was Tuesday, and Tonya and Beth were helping me to learn to dance like a girl. I was starting to get more comfortable about my dancing as I relaxed and became a little giddy along with Tonya. We were down in our finished basement and at the end of one dance where Tonya swung me out and brought me back. I heard clapping coming from the stairs. “You might want to confirm it with Angie, but I think you are getting the swing of it.”

I asked, “Why do I need to confirm it with Angie?”

Mom replied, “I asked her when she thought you were able to dance properly; I suggested she help you get some more clothes. I thought you might enjoy her helping you more than your mother.”

I turned to Beth and Tonya and asked them. Beth was the first to speak, “You’re not finished learning. You need to dance enough that you are more familiar with it.”

Tonya said, “If Shelby comes over to my house tonight, I’ll have Travis dance with her a few times. He’s planning on taking me to the dance. He won’t dance with her there, but he will help tonight and maybe again on Thursday.”

Mom asks, “Would you like that Shelby?”

“Mom,” I said, “It might be a good idea, but it will feel odd to be dancing with a boy.”

It felt very unusual when Travis held me for two slow dances. He laughed at me, “I have trouble believing I’m dancing with a guy from my old high school.”

I stomped my foot at the end of the dance, “You are not going to say anything like that at the dance are you?” Tonya chided him and asked him to apologize. Travis gave me a one-arm hug, “Sorry, I think you make an attractive girl.”

Angie danced with me after we were both home on Wednesday. She asked, “How are the other students responding to you at school?” She said, “I liked the outfits you wore the past two days?”

We stopped at Mom’s flower shop on the way to shop for my clothes. We ended up covering at the store as my mom was gone. We got a special flower arrangement that was to go out pronto. We found the cute container it was to go in as well as the green foam block that the flowers were stuck in.

No, big judgment but Angie’s not good at arranging flowers. Putting twelve roses in a box with tissue and baby’s breath she can handle. Angie said, “Shelby this is your chance to shine.”

I said, “Nothing to it; look at the picture and use the flowers it calls for.”

Angie says, “But it calls for an orchid and rose corsage to be put in the center.”

I did the arrangement and Angie and picked a white orchid along with a pink one, I looked where the order was to go and decided on three pink budding roses to go along the edge of the orchids. The green leaves framed the corsage. I had watched my mom and Maisy wrap the stems before and then bind the stems as one. We put in two large pins and put the corsage in clear plastic wrap. I lightly pushed them between some flowers knowing when the corsage was lifted that the arrangement would still look good.

We put the arrangement in the refrigerated showcase. We had more customers as we waited for mom to return. We learned Maisy had been in an accident, and fortunately, no one was seriously injured. Maisy, needed our mom to take her home and it was up to us to finish delivering the orders.

Angie gave me her car keys, saying, “We can’t wait on that arrangement any longer. You need to deliver it to Mrs. Ruth Dauber; she’s Patsy’s mother. If Patsy isn’t a friend of Shelby’s she will be after she sees the arrangement you made.”

Angie took a picture of the arrangement to show our mother.

I wasn’t sure, what the Dauber’s or Patsy would say about me delivering the arrangement. I was happy that I got it to their house and out of the car in one piece.

Mrs. Dauber, Patsy, and her older daughter greeted me, and Mr. Dauber was standing a few steps away. It was the arrangement that caught their eyes. Cathy the older sister asked, “Why are the center flowers wrapped in plastic?”

“It’s a corsage that lifts out to be worn, by the honored person.”

Mrs. Dauber looks up to see who’s talking. “You’re not Maisy or Angie; I’m sorry I don’t know you. Tell Pam she outdid herself on this one.”

I said, “I think the credit goes to the person who ordered it for you. But I’ll tell my Mom that you like it.”

She looked to me again, “I’ll thank Mr. Dauber well enough, but he couldn’t have put this together. It is beautiful, you must tell your mother… Your mother, who are you?”

Patsy smiles, “This is Shelby Strayer mom; Angie’s new sister, doesn’t she look pretty.”

“I hope you enjoy them,” I said, as I stepped away. Mr. Dauber called to me, “I have a tip for you.” I didn’t go back, but got into the car and left.

Mother and Angie were closing up the flower shop as I returned. Mom hugged me, “I saw pictures of the arrangement and the corsage. You did a magnificent job young lady.” Mom had already had a call from the Daubers. Thankfully it was my mother after hearing how beautiful everything was; she told them that I made the arrangement and the corsage. Patsy even asked if I would be helping to make corsages for the prom.

It was later than we planned when Angie and I got to the mall. Angie picked out a beautiful skater dress with a sexy lace slip that showed below the skirt. I saw it, I knew right away it needed to be Angie’s, not mine.

I was glad she had found two other dresses and asked me to choose which one I wanted to try on first. I said, “I’m willing to try on the pink satin dress if you’ll try on the skater dress. I think you also need to get a dress!

She smiled at the idea but faintly resisted, “Mom said, we’re to be shopping for you.”

I said, “You picked out the skater dress that screams your name. You’ve helped me so much, you deserve something for you. I won’t even buy one dress if you don’t try this on and buy it if you like it.” She and I both knew I was correct.

I was surprised about how wonderful the pink ruched dress felt and looked on me. I had stepped into it and pulled it smoothly up my legs. The ruffle of the sleeves sent goosebumps down my arms. I brought both arms and hands around my back to find the zipper. The dress was snug, and as I brought up the zipper the dress hugging my body felt sensational. I slipped my feet into my shoes but stood as though I were wearing heels. “O my,” I said. "It's too um, Mom I can't wear this yet, it's too..."

I heard Angie in the changing room next to me, “I thought you’d love it.” Then Angie asked, “If you’re about ready to step out, let’s do it together.”

It took a moment and then Angie counted, “One, two, three…” And we stepped out to look at the other. I loved the look of Angie’s dress and how the lace slip made her look sexier than I ever saw her.

Angie had her phone and automatically I posed for her picture. She showed one picture to me, and it was even better than looking in the mirror. There was a string holding closed a small slit up the side of the dress. Angie said, “Let me cut that string so you can see how fantastic it looks on you?”

I said, “Don’t it is already too short; I don’t want the skirt sliding up my legs any higher.”

Angie said, “Get your hands away, of course, you want the skirt to slide. It is just more than my former brother is ready for.” She was correct, Russ’s thinking creeps in here and there all the time. It comes from years of getting into her clothes and worrying that she or mom would find me in their clothes.

What a wonderful feeling it is to have my sister looking at me and happy for the joy it is bringing me. She asked, “What has you smiling like a cat who just swallowed the canary?”

I said, “You can’t imagine how I felt excited or so afraid that you’d find me dressing as a girl. It was terrifying, yet it was so satisfying like Mom holding my package. I saw her joy as well as her anger. When she had me change; she and Darlene were happy to see me as Shelby.”

Angie held out her hands, “Yes, we’ve all been amazed to see the girl we had missed seeing so many times before. All those times you practiced being Shelby, have paid off.” She took me by the hand and we walked to the three mirrors together where we got a much better look at our dresses.”

There was no argument, Angie was buying her dress, as well as the one I tried on. I did find a skirt and two tops to go with it. I tried arguing against another dress for me, but I didn’t argue too hard. Two dresses and a skirt outfit, this girl was especially excited. I was kind of forced to buy more panties, pantyhose and several camisoles, and two bras. Angie said, “We got a wide variety and you’re going to find it especially nice to have a choice of panties. There will be some you prefer and others you’ll not like. Mom knows that and Dad won’t even want to know.”

Thursday, as I once again practiced dancing, I was becoming nervous. I became more so when Beth and then Tonya announced they saw Chad Smith staring at me. It wasn’t like I wasn’t looking back. He’s a linebacker in football and it has been said he’s liked some other boys, all smaller than himself.

Come Friday at school, Tonya, Rose, and Beth were keeping a close watch on me. They even recruited several other girls to make sure I wasn’t ever left alone. It was at lunch that I learned why. Beavis Johnson came up behind me. Tonya and I turned to face him. He spoke, “Sometimes your friends aren’t going to be there and there may be consequences?”

I asked, “Are you threatening me, what do you plan to do?”

He said, “I’m just saying things happen and you shouldn’t want to get hurt.” I saw the cafeteria monitor and Chad Smith stand up and then Beavis walked away.

Beth mentioned, “Did you see that white knight stand up and look this way?”

It just so happened that Chad was in my last-period chemistry class and he moved quickly to make me his partner when we did our lab experiment. It was one of those where we needed to determine an unknown compound. While I like the class, this is not my favorite kind of experiment. I had failed in two of these experiments before and this threatened my B grade.

I helped set up the equipment, but Chad took over from there. He had us wait a little longer than I would have in putting the unknown substance into the heated solution. Did it make a difference I don’t know? When our solution turned red it indicated an alkaline presence and gave us the answer.

I was ready to hug Chad to thank him when he lifted his hand for a high-five that was more appropriate for school.

He commented before the class ended, “I hear you have a date and I wish you well. I just want you to know there are other possibilities.”

Tonya was walking over, so I shyly said, “Thanks, that is nice to know.”

Walking away with Tonya and now Rose; Tonya asked, “What is nice to know?”

I calmly said, “None of your business.” We quietly walked to our lockers and left school together.

I had dreamed about dressing prettily and going to a dance, but now it was happening and I was nervous. Mom and Angie both found times to get me alone and suggest a feminine pad, as waiting to use the women’s room could take longer. TMI. Well, it proved nearly prophetic.

Gilbert was there as we agreed and the restaurant was nice, but I didn’t want a giant half-pound burger. Instead, I ordered a salad with strips of chicken. I wasn’t used to making conversation so the wait for dinner was quiet.

I did get out of him which university he was looking to continue after community college. He reiterated how he liked how feminine I looked and that there was little sign of the other me.

Once we were at the dance, we relaxed. We had our first set of dances before seeing either Tonya and Travis or my sister Angie. I wasn’t into overindulging but I did enjoy sipping the spiked punch.

That my sister was with a guy named Austin who was new, but then again I had a better impression of him than her previous two dates. I like that my sister doesn’t get very serious about most of her dates. It went along with what Tonya had suggested to me.

She and Travis have dated for three months and do have strong feelings for each other. She reminded me that she was going away to college and their romance would probably be old history.

Tonya asked if it was okay to take a picture of me and to post it. I was glad she asked but surprised that one of the first likes was from Chad.

It was nice being with Gil and we expected to go out again, but nothing was set up. Tonya and I both wondered about having no other date and no mentioning of the prom.

Saturday, I did get a call from Chad and he wanted to see me on Sunday. “I’d like to get a chance to talk and get to know you. It is a little difficult to do when we’re at school.”

I was nervous as Chad mentioned about meeting at the mall, but then going someplace. It was funny as I got into my car to leave for the mall. Gone were the old smells of a boy’s car and fragrances were taking over. It hadn’t hurt that I had cleaned out my car and vacuumed it real clean and discarded junk I hadn’t thrown out before. It had been a clean car for a boy, but now it was a girl’s car.

It was seven in the evening when our home phone rang; those calls are usually for my parents and something about their work. Mom answered, and I could hear her say, “Yes, this is the Strayer residence… We hadn’t decided but yes, Grace Church is one of our considerations… Let me have you talk to her…”

Mom called to me, “Shelby, there’s a girl Kristy wondering if she might see you at Grace Church tomorrow. Come and talk to her.”

I met a few people last Sunday but hadn’t remembered any names. “Hi,” I answered, “this is Shelby.”

Once she began to talk, I recognized the voice and could picture the girl. She asked me, “Shelby do you still find yourself ever attracted to other girls?”

I wanted to say right there, ‘Yes, especially if one is you.’ But I asked instead, “Do you know that I’m transgender?

“Yes, that is part of the reason I find you so attractive as a girlfriend. I’m attracted mostly to girls, but I go to a school that is still in the 20th century. It’s my senior year and I want to go to my prom. My school won’t let me attend the prom with another girl. But then they consider trans-girls to be boys… I know this is forward and pushy, and it would depend on if we would like each other. I was hoping you’d consider going to my prom with me. I’d pay for the tickets and dinner.”

I cover the speaker of the phone, and ask, “Mom, I’m thinking of going to the second service at Grace Church tomorrow. I will drive myself as I need to talk with Kristy.”

Mom reminded me I was to meet with Chad Smith later tomorrow. Kristy and I talked for another five minutes, but as soon as I was off the phone Angie and my mother both wanted to know what I was doing.

Angie said, “I wondered if this might happen, especially when you and Gil didn’t plan anything after your date.”

“Give me a break,” I said, “That was one time; we already talked about taking one day at a time.”

Angie giggled, “But tomorrow, you’re going to take an interest in two people at different times of the same day…”

Story to be continued…

Sunday morning was a mixture of feelings as it had been a while since I went to church with my emotions focused on meeting someone I might have affections for. I dressed in a recent skirt and blouse ensemble that I liked, When I showed my sister Angie what I was wearing she took a pair of scissors to the bottom of my skirt to cut the threads that kept the bottom hem from opening. “There, you will look more like a girl who knows fashion.”

I thanked her and asked to use one of her light perfumes. She said, “This one is made with Amyris, your friend may recognize that you are not trying to overpower any fragrance she is wearing.” I could only tell it gave the scent of blossom. I would look up more information later.

I got to the Grace Church a little early hoping to see Kristy, but now worried how others might see me. Two minutes later and Kristy was coming back through the church doors. We made our way to a small balcony where mostly young adults gathered. We sat behind some of her friends and I was introduced.

There was one person named Riley and I wasn’t sure if the person was a girl or not. The slacks were unisex as was the plaid shirt. Twice I thought I saw the straplines of a bra. If they were they weren’t cuddling much.

The worship service was upbeat, but I can’t really say I paid good attention to the service. Kristy echoed the sentiment that acceptance was good. Something she said echoed in my thought, “Feeling loved by God helps me handle the hurts others might try to impose on me.”

After church, Kristy introduced me to her mother and father. She told them, “I will get a ride home from Shelby if you don’t mind.”

Mr. Miller said to me, “You look like a good person that we can trust; please tell me that’s so?”

I responded, “I think Kristy and I are both of good character, yes, you can trust me.”

He said, “It is just that if she wants to take you to her prom, it is her reputation that could be hurt in our community.”

I said, “Your home and her school aren’t that far from where I live. It will be our character that comes into question. If she thinks it is worth it. I like your daughter and I know how some might judge us. We’re putting some pressure on some others to step forward saying it is time to respect us as well.”

I turned a little more and looked Mr. Miller in the eyes, “Do you accept me?”

Mrs. Audra Miller spoke first, “Yes since Kristy was twelve, she’s opened my life. I trust her judgment in people.” We talked a little longer, even after Mr. Miller accepted my being with his daughter.

We walked around the church property waiting for her folks to leave. We were ready to get in my car when Kristy asked, “Would you please give me a kiss?” I thought it was a funny request and a little early, but I did kiss her. She put some passion in her kiss and I was pleased to match it.

We were in the car driving away when she giggled, “My Grandma has an old song she likes that says, ‘…it’s in the kiss.’ I know it’s too early but I can already tell love is possible.”

What she said reminded me of an old fashion ice cream shop that was close by. We drove around until 11:30 a little after it would be opening. I knew George the proprietor, but he wouldn’t be recognizing me. A high school girl came as our waitress. We both order a dish of ice cream and Kristy ordered a strawberry fizz and I a vanilla coke. I asked George if his old wind-up phonograph had a slow song.

He said, “You already seem to know that it does. If you’re worried that I won’t play it for two young women, you got me wrong.” It ended up being our first dance and our second kiss.

Not only did I pay the bill and leave a nice tip, but I left an extra five-dollar bill. I was sure George would have his young waitress take it. “I’ll see you again George.”

He said, “I think I know you but, I can’t remember your name. Have a good day you two.”

Kristy’s prom was to be on the first Saturday of May. Mine was to be the third Friday of May. She asked me to her prom and I accepted, but I wasn’t ready to invite her to mine.

I was home by 2:00; showered and changed to see Chad. He had to text me that he’d meet me like we agreed but at 3:30. We met in front of Aunt Anne’s, he bought a warm doughy pretzel that we agreed to share. I was very careful of dipping my pieces into the cheese. I, like Russ, often wore part of the cheese on my face or clothes. I credit my painted nails to have helped me avoid that.

Chad took me to a place that had gardens and a nature trail. The trail with some spring flowers was the one we chose. When Chad said, “Well, you’re in a good mood.” I readily agreed that I was, but I hoped he wouldn’t ask further if I hadn’t said more.

We walked on and I pointed out different flowers. I hadn’t known what Chad did, so I was surprised that he knew more of the flowers by name. He said what the different flowers were and knew these things impressed girls; it goes along with the heavy lifting that goes with these parks. He gloated that it kept him in shape for football. He asked, “Did you know I got half of a ride for my sports playing and a half for studying the environment?”

Then he said, “I’m still wondering about what has you in a good mood when we first met?”

I said, “Well you might as well know, as I don’t intend it to be a secret. I’m going to a prom with another girl early in May.”

Some of the wind went out of him until he asked, “What if I asked you to our prom? Would you go with me or are you set on going with her or Gilbert?”

I said, “I haven’t decided. I want to know why you like me?”

He said, “I was hoping you liked me. I was attracted to you as Russ and I’m more so with you being Shelby. I’ve liked the person you’ve become, not as shy and happier being you.”

He was holding my hand and I liked the fit. Not just that his was larger and strong, and mine smaller. His was tender in a strong way, and his fingertips had feeling. It was like we fit together.

My quandary was that Kristy and I seemed to fit as well. Then I thought about something Angie said, it was about clothes but kind of fitted here too, “If you don’t have to choose right away don’t. No one said you had to choose.”

I thought, ‘Chad already knows about my other invitation. I could be just as open to Kristy.’

We finished our walk and went back to the mall and I was wondering if Chad had changed his mind because he had not yet invited me to our prom. We walked to the back of the department store, where the fancy dresses were. He asked a salesperson, “What colors and styles would look good on her,” he asked, pointing at me?

Trish introduces herself, “Have you ever had your colors ever sorted out?”

‘No, I’ve always had to make do, with what was at hand.’

She showed me both a red and then a blue that seemed to wash the color from my face. “You could wear makeup to give you color, or you can look further. This red for you is vibrant. You’re not quite as outdoorsy as your date, but your skin is healthy and has its glow. There was a soft peach gown that I liked as well as one that was red with pink accents. Chad encouraged me to try on both. Both were very nice but the soft peach gown was the best hands down.

Chad said, “I’d love to take you to the prom and I’d like to pay for half of your gown. Will you go with me to our prom?”

I had Chad take a picture with my iPhone and sent the picture to my Mom and Angie. “I want you to know that I selected this prom gown to go with Chad to our prom. If it doesn’t go with the one Kristy chooses; I’ll be buying two prom dresses. Please don’t be angry with me.” I did explain that Chad was paying for half the cost of my gown.

Mom replied, “You and the gown are beautiful and we approve.”

“Nothing surprises me about you, go girl. Your sister, Angie.” I heard, Angie talking to my mother, “I hope she realizes that Chad is going to want something more.”

I heard mom’s reply, “She doesn’t owe him any such thing.”

Chad and I heard the same conversation, and I said, “This better come with no strings attached. I won’t tease you, but know this is not tied to any promise or expectation.”

It was Monday evening, when mom asked, “Would you mind if I had a mother/daughter talk with you?”

“Wow Mom, I think I’d like that very much.” We went to where Mom went for her quiet times. We talked a lot about me respecting myself and expecting respect. She didn’t tell me exactly what to do, but to be safe. “If anything happens you need to know you can call and we’ll be there for you, no questions.”

One of the more surprising things we talked about was my expectations; she said, “If you become friends, before the prom. There might be more possibilities to consider what Kristy or Chad might be hoping and expecting with you. You shouldn’t leave it all to the other person. What would you be wanting or expecting? Have you thought things through and are you prepared to do it safely?” She surprised me, “My worse moments when I hadn’t thought through what I wanted or was ready for.”

Mom said, “No one else can tell you when is the right time or what you should do, that should be something you’re ready to decide. Sex, whether it is a simple romantic kiss, touching one another, or going all the way should be beautiful when it happens.”

I asked, “Did you talk to Angie like this?”

My mom giggled, “More so than you might imagine, but I’m not telling you about her. She also paid attention and learned more when she had this at school.”

I knew the conversation went over an hour, but I was blown away that we were together for over three hours. I hugged her and said, “I don’t know if thanks are the right expression. I now know I’m a daughter and very lucky to have you as my mom.”

If it was me and my dad, I would have joked, but I would have felt embarrassed. Mom and I sat for a while, and it was at least a half-hour later that I stepped outside and gazed at the stars. When I finally went to my room, I rearranged some dolls and then just sat on my bed.

Angie walked by my room slowly. When she finally started to walk away, I asked if she’d come in.

I had called Kristy and told her I accepted an invitation to my prom. She paused and was quiet. “I’m glad you told me and that you want to go with me to my prom. I don’t know if anyone said anything, but you and I should go looking at prom dresses. They should be something we like and also compliments what the other is wearing, does that make sense to you?”

We talked some more, and while I was leaning toward getting a different dress for her prom, I was hoping my purse or shoes, and other accessories didn’t all need to be duplicated.

I was to go and begin looking with Kristy on Thursday and again on Saturday. Mom and dad both met me on Wednesday, to tell me that I was free to get what I wanted for each prom. They would help pay for it and provide some spending money.

I now feel I am ready to move on with my life. I have applied to go to college, something I hadn’t planned on. I’ve been accepted as Shelby, and I have an apartment next to the campus.

Regarding my prom with Kristy and my prom with Chad, let’s just say I’ve grown some but there’s more to experience.

The End of the beginning...