All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

***

Rairy Contrary Chapter 1 An Asshole

***

Mom was sleeping on her bed, I placed my feet slowly one in front of the other glancing at her as I slowly crept forward. When I finally reached my destination I let out a sigh of relief. I slowly opened her jewelry case revealing a mirror and my face. I started digging through the case looking for my favorite earrings, a smile spread across my lips as I found them.

I lifted them to my ears while staring at myself in the cases little mirror. I imagined that my hair was long and styled like Becky’s at school instead of this ugly boy hair I had. I slipped out of my illusion and stared at my hair. I hated my short hair.

I heard the movement before I could see it. I reflexively ducked down and after a moment or two when I didn’t hear any further movement I slowly stood back up. As I rose I glanced at the bed. Empty.

I turned around and Mom was standing behind me looking down. She had a look of disappointment and fury on her face.

I saw her lips move as if in slow motion, “Raymond!” she shouted.

I quickly turned around, put the earrings back in the box and closed it.

“YOU LITTLE SHIT!” she screamed this time as she grabbed me by the arm. “When are you going to learn to stop touching my things!?”

She dragged me out of her room, into the hall and pulled me up close to her face spitting as she spoke, “You wanna touch my things!?“ She threw me into my room from the hallway, I bounced a few times on my butt. I could feel the rugburns forming as my hands skidded on the carpet. “I’ll show you something of mine!” She yelled, slammed the door and locked it from the outside.

I scrambled to my feet, ran up to the door, grabbed the doorknob and twisted. It wouldn’t budge. I screamed at the door, “Mom!” I banged a few times, “LET ME OUT!” I slid down following the frame of the door and curled up. I spoke softly this time, “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll never do it again.”

The door opened pushing me into the corner, “Where are you, you little Shit!?” I heard her say. She took a step inside my room and closed the door, leaving the two of us alone in my bedroom. She turned around and saw me cowering in the corner. I saw what she went to get and it was all too familiar to me. She got the paddle.

“There you are!” She spat, grabbed me by my arm again and flung me on my bed. “Assume the position!”

“Mom plea-”

She slapped down the paddle on the bed next to me and screamed, “ASSUME THE POSITION!”

Tears were flooding my face as I slowly slid off the bed, turned around to face the bed again and bent over.

“Pull them down!”

I pulled down my pants revealing my naked bottom. Mom had drilled holes into the paddle so I could hear it before it hit me. It made getting spanked all the more painful. I don’t know if it was the anticipation or the whistle that scared me the most. The whistle started and the pai-

I woke up with a start and nearly falling out of my chair. Another goddamn nightmare. “Fuck!” I whispered. I felt pressure on my right arm and my body suddenly shift. My chair and face were now on the floor. I looked up and Howard was looking down at me from his desk next to mine with a smug look.

“Rairy, get off the floor this instant!” Mr. Bumble shouted at me.

I slowly pulled myself up using my desk as leverage. *I fucking hate 4th period.* I thought.

I got back into my chair and looked over at Howard giving him the nastiest look I could muster. He looked at me and mouthed the word ‘faggot’ at me.

Just then the bell rang and all the kids started packing things up to go to lunch.

“Everyone remember we have a test tomorrow. Rairy, come talk to me when you’re packed up.” Mr. Bumble said.

I closed my books and put my papers in my binder. I felt a buzzing from my hip and pulled out my phone to see who was messaging me. My foster Mom sent me a message.

CAROL: GET HOME IMMEDIATELY YOU NEED TO WATCH ALLEN.

“Shit.” I spat out. I put everything into my pack and walked up to Mr. Bumbles desk.

He looked down at me and said, “I saw you sleeping in class again, Rairy.” he shook his head and sighed, “This is a college prep class you NEED to pay attention.”

“I will, I’m sorry Mr. B.” I forced out. Truthfully this stuff was too easy for me but if I wanted to get the credit I needed to do the work. If only these foster parents would stop making me watch the other kids.

“I want you to do some extra work to make up for all the days you’ve been missing.” Mr. Bumble said as he pulled out a big packet from his desk. He handed the packet to me, “I want to see this done by the end of the week.”

“Thank you, Mr. B., I’ll get it done.” I tried to reassure him.

He stared at me for a moment and asked, “Is everything ok at home?”

I turned around and stuffed the packet into my pack while sarcastically saying, “Just fuckin dandy.”

When I turned back around Mr. B’s face looked angry.

“Look Mr. B, these foster parents are the best I’ve had so far. Just two more years and I’m out of there. I’ll make up the work, I promise.” I tried to explain.

He slowly shook his head at me, I took that as a queue for me to leave, before I could get out of the room he said, “You’re too smart for this Rairy, get the work done.”

Smart, just because I am quiet and actually listen doesn’t mean I’m smart. *For fuck's Sake.* I thought to myself. *When the hell are people going to just leave me alone?*

I checked the time on my phone and it said ‘Eleven Thirty-One.’ I only had a few minutes to catch Mrs. Law so I ran to her English class which was my next class after Mr. Bumbles Psychology class.

I made it just as she was about to close the door. “Mrs. Law!” I panted out. She turned to look at me as I caught my breath. “Can you get me today's work?”

Her face turned sour and she said, ‘Ms. Clark, shouldn’t you be at lunch?”

I sighed and nodded at her. I explained, “I have something that came up and I won’t be able to make it to today’s class.”

“Ms. Clark, you shouldn’t be missing my classes like this.” She let out another little sigh and she headed back into her class, grabbed some paperwork from her desk hurried back to the door and handed it to me.

“I don’t want to miss class bu-”

She cut me off, “But you can’t help it. Yeah, I’ve heard it before. You better talk with your foster mother or we are going to have to report her.“

Reporting her meant that she might lose me and wouldn’t be making money from me living there anymore. “I will,” I responded. Carol my foster mother had been good to me but I didn’t want her getting into trouble so I would try to break it to her as softly as possible.

This year was pretty lite when it came to how many classes I needed to take. I doubled up last year just to get out of watching any of the brats. I was starting to regret it though because Carol started making me watch the younger kids when I was off. Sometimes, like today, she would make me get out early. She and her husband began fostering me last year and they were the most lenient foster’s I’d had by far. They would let me stay out a lot later than the last foster family. I mean when I could go out.

I rushed back down the hall towards the courtyard where everyone was having lunch. I saw my friend Becky hanging out at our usual spot and rushed over to her.

She looked up and saw me come over. Immediately she said, “You have to watch the brats don’t you?”

I nodded at her and said, “She said I only need to watch one of the brats and I have the car today too.”

“Shit, we could have gone out to eat!”

“Yeah, that’s foster parents for you though.”

Becky and I had been friends for years now. I had been tossed from foster family to foster family and most of the time I swapped it wasn’t my fault. At least that's what I like to tell myself. Of course, all of the families blamed me. I’ve never really been abused by any of the families but some would be extremely militant. Militant and me didn’t mix at all.

“Anyways I’m gonna head off Becks, call me after school? I asked.

She nodded. She would likely text me most of the day but we did that all the time anyway. I gave her a wave and rushed towards the parking lot.

I was almost out of the courtyard when I tripped and fell sideways bumping into a nearby bench with several kids on it. I grabbed my hip and fell backward into one of the kids, he pushed me off of him. The ground came quickly and my head hit something hard. I balled up holding onto my head. I could feel the tears coming to mess up my makeup.

I heard someone ask, “Is she ok?”

Another voice, “I don’t know.”

A girl this time, “Rairy?” I was able to focus some, it sounded like Becks.

I slightly moved one of my hands peeking through the hole I had made. I saw Becky kneeling in front of me with her hand hovering just above my shoulder. She knew better than to touch me when I was like this.

I heard stomping and saw Ms. Anderson come running up, “Howard Finkel!” I leaned up to see Howard a few feet away from me which made me scurry away. My knees were bare and it hurt as I crawled away. I put as much distance as possible between Howard and myself, which put me behind the bench I fell onto. I looked up and there was a boy looking down at me from the bench.

Usually, people didn’t look at me so I checked myself to see if my clothes were ok. My skirt was hiked up so people could see my underwear so I quickly fixed it and glared up at the boy.

He shrugged down at me and turned back to his friends. *Asshole,* I thought.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, peeked up over the table and saw that Ms. Anderson was walking away with Howard. I still wasn’t quite sure what had happened or how I had tripped but if it was Howard’s fault, I hope he got suspended or expelled or something. He’s such a royal pain in the ass, this time literally.

I plopped back down on the ground and just then Becks came over to me and helped me back up.

“Come with me,” she said.

She lead us to the girl's room and I stopped at the door.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “If anyone says anything I’ll kick their ass.” While I found her sentiments reassuring, I doubt she could beat up the school staff. There were laws here in North Carolina about trans people and bathrooms. I started transition last year and my foster parents especially Carol had helped me with seeing a doctor and therapist to get hormones. It’d been a year and I hadn't had much of an issue with the bathrooms. Then again I avoided public restrooms like the plague, I got into the habit of using the staff restroom anyways.

I let her take me inside, reluctantly. By this time I was pretty sure most people knew I was trans; having transitioned here at school. I wondered if they were afraid of me or something. So far only Howard had mocked me or called me names. I avoided most social situations and found that if you’re not social and not around people they can’t bully you. The ‘roll safe’ meme popped into my head.

Becks lead me over to the sink and had me sit on it. I made sure my skirt was properly under me and legs closed so I didn’t get any looks down there. I realized that I was shaking and tried rubbing my hands together to see if it would help. It didn’t.

Becks came over with a wad of toilet paper and wet it in the sink. She dabbed at my knees and I saw specks of red spread onto the toilet paper. I’d never had problems with seeing my own blood but for some reason, I became a little queasy. It was probably the combination of being in the girl’s room and seeing the blood that made me rush to one of the toilets and let loose whatever was still in my stomach from breakfast. After I was done I walked back over to the sink and washed out my mouth. I hated throwing up, most people probably did but I especially didn’t like it.

I looked at myself in the mirror, my makeup was completely screwed up. I looked behind me in the mirror and saw a stunned Becky.

“Sometimes I don’t know if I even know you anymore.” I saw Becky say in the mirror.

She had known me as both Raymond and Rairy. I was only a few inches taller than her, the hormones I was taking had put a stop to any further growth that most guys might experience. I was thankful for being only around five foot seven, it was definitely tall enough for me.

I had adapted pretty well to the whole being a female thing, perhaps she was just noticing. Before I transitioned to female, I was already dressing feminine and had long hair to match. Last year most people were confused when I came into a room and now I was pretty much indistinguishable from a cisgender girl. At least that’s what my therapist says.

I’d always had a sort of ‘get it done now’ type of personality so I didn’t have much trouble academically. That’s why I dressed the way I wanted before transition, I think Carol sympathized with me and genuinely wanted to help make my life better. From my experience, most of the foster parents I was with were in it for the money. Having someone genuine like Carol was a relief.

I femininely waved my hand to the side and said, “What?”

Becks started laughing at that and lightly hugged me from behind. “I love you, you know that?” she said between giggles.

“Yup,” I said matter-of-factly.

She gave me a little punch on the arm and said, “Ooof, sorry.” She had punched me on the right-hand side and I fell on my left so I had that going for me at least.

Just then I felt a pang of pain in my hip. I let out a hiss and turned to the side where it hurt, lowered my skirt, raised my blouse a bit and saw a large bruise already starting to form.

“Shit!” I said.

Becky came around the side and took a glance. “Ooohhh that’s gonna bruise,” she stated the obvious.

I tucked my blouse back into my skirt and looked down at my knees. They were scraped up but not as bad as I first thought. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that my hair was tucked back behind my ear and quickly untucked the hair letting it loose. My hair is brown, not my favorite color but it went down just past my shoulders. I learned how to style it from watching multiple youtube videos. It was messed up so I did my best to fix it. I grabbed my bag and fixed my makeup as well.

“Wow, you’re getting good at that.” I saw Becky staring at me in the mirror. She looked down and said, “I’m not even that good yet.”

I turned around and she looked back up at me. I said, “It’s just practice.” There was a stray hair on my arm so I grabbed at it a few times till I finally got a hold on it, walked over to the trash and put it in there. “Hey, next time I’m over I’ll show you how I learned. Honestly, I just watched some youtube makeup tutorials.” I shrugged as I said the last part.

I looked around and realized where I was again. I began packing everything back up into my very pink pack when someone walked into the room with us.

My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. I slowly looked over and it was Ms. Anderson. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved or what.

“Are you ok?” Ms. Anderson was looking at me when she said it.

“Y-yes,” I said meekly.

She asked, “Where are you hurt?”

I looked down at my knees and pulled up one of them showing her, then lowered my skirt and lifted my blouse again to show her the bruise.

She gasped at the bruise, it looked a lot bigger than it was only moments ago. I don’t know why but I started crying, perhaps it was because she was an adult. She slowly approached me and gave me a small hug. I was petrified she must have noticed because she let go right away.

“He pushed her,” Becky said.

Ms. Anderson looked at her and nodded, “Yes he did, I saw the whole thing.”

I just realized that my makeup was likely a mess again and turned around to look. Yeah, it was. *Fuck!* I thought.

I started digging through my bag again for my makeup and had a really hard time finding it. When I did finally bring it out, my hands were so shaky I couldn’t even open my compact. I started crying all over again.

I felt a hand on my left shoulder and saw it was Ms. Anderson’s in the mirror. “It’s ok honey,” she said softly.

I started shaking furiously, threw off her hand and ran over behind Becky.

Ms. Anderson’s face was a mix of confusion and shock.

Becky put up her hands to calm Ms. Anderson and said, “That was too close to her face, she doesn’t like people touching her face.”

“What, why?” the teacher asked.

Becky slowly turned around looked me in the eyes and I looked back at hers. I calmed down a little then nodded at her. She slowly lifted up my hair showing off the left side of my face and ear. I saw Ms. Anderson’s face go from shock to horror.

“Her mother did it to her when she was young.”

“Oh my god.” Ms. Anderson sighed and gave me a look of sympathy. I didn’t like those looks. Why? Because they never bought back my ear.

My mother sliced off the lower part of my ear when I was around eight. I punched her in the face, otherwise, I wouldn’t have any of my ear left. That was the year I ran away from home. A police officer found me eventually and I’ve been in the system ever since. I don’t know where my mother is, I don’t really care either. No matter what foster home I was in, none of them were worse than living with my Mom.

“She’s still in jail as far as I know,” I said flatly.

I walked around Becky and went back to the sink and attempted to put on my makeup. I messed up a few times but eventually got it.

I didn’t know what Ms. Anderson and Becky were doing but I know they were silent. They were probably watching me which I didn’t mind but it was a little rude. I looked back and neither of them was there.

I assumed they went outside, packed up my things and followed them out.

***

When I got outside, the courtyard was empty and no one else was out there. *Where the heck did they go?* I thought to myself. I checked the time on my phone and it said ‘Twelve Forty-Three.’ Apparently, I was in there a lot longer than I thought.

I was about to head back into the bathroom when I heard someone yelling. “YOU FUCKING BITCH!” I turned around and I saw Howard running at me full speed.

I went right back into the girls room, slammed the door behind me and leaned against it. My heart was pounding in my ears.

*Shit, shit, shit!* I mentally screamed. I hoped the door wou-

The door flung open sending me sliding across the bathroom floor until I hit the wall, hard.

“You fucking bitch!” I heard Howard scream. “You got me fucking suspended!”

I was trying to breathe but was having a hard time catching my breath. I could see him walking towards me and suddenly I felt something slam into my chest. I tried to inhale and I couldn’t. I tried to curl up but immediately felt another blow this time to my stomach.

I looked up and saw someone grab Howard and my vision faded to white.

***

| Next Chapter

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. ©2019.
All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

***

Rairy Contrary Chapter 2 Agonizing Retreat

***

Mom wasn’t home, I checked. Her room was finally free for me to explore and I could finally feel some semblance of normality. I didn’t particularly like her clothes but they made whatever it was in my brain that hated what I am now feel better.

I slowly made my way down the hall, I went slowly out of habit, not disturbing mom was ingrained in my head. I swung the door open and felt a thump as I was opening it. There was a glass behind the door, I had to remember to put it back when I finished up in here. The floor was a little wet so I got a towel and wiped it up. Mom was always forgetting glasses and stuff like that all over the house.

I left the towel on the floor so it could sop up the liquid, I hoped that she wouldn’t miss a little water or whatever it was.

I couldn’t wait to get into her closet and explore all the frilly, girly things she had in there. Mom didn’t usually wear any of that stuff anymore. She used to wear them when Dad was still with us but after he left she stopped.

As I opened the closet a vast array of colors hit my eyes, it seemed so wasteful for her to have all these clothes and choose not to wear them.

I pulled out a particular garment I had been eyeing for quite some time. It was this blue dress that had a low v-neck. I saw mom wear this once a few years back, she looked so care-free in it.

I pulled off all of my clothes except for my underwear and socks. Slipping into the dress was easy because I was pretty small. Mom’s closet had a mirror on both doors so I took a step to the side and I did a little twirl in front of it. It didn’t quite fit right, it was definitely too big for me but I liked it anyway.

I stepped back over to the open part of the closet and bent over shuffling through her shoes. There was a jet-black pair of heels that looked like they might match so I slipped those on. They were too big as well and very hard to walk in but I enjoyed wearing them.

I shimmied over to the bed having to partially drag my feet and the shoes along with me. I turned around and did my best to gracefully sit on the bed. I automatically crossed my legs and turned to myself in the mirror. The heel on my crossed leg dangled in the air, barely on my foot.

“You look lovely today Rairy.” I chirped to myself.

“Oh this old thing,” I responded to the reflection. I’d heard that in a movie Mom watched once.

“Do you know what would really go good with those?”

“What darling?” I asked.

“Earrings.” the reflection said to me with a sly smile.

“You are absolutely right!” I squealed.

I did my best to get up off the bed and shimmy over to the dresser with the Mom’s jewelry box on it. I reached out and hesitated, my hand floating just above the box. The last time I touched this bad things happened. I shook off my fear and opened the box anyways and dug around for my favorite earrings. I found what I was looking for so I bent over, held them up to my ears, and gazed at myself in the mirror.

My hair was the first thing that stood out or maybe it didn’t stand out because I had none. After my punishment Mom took me directly to the barbers and had them shave it as close a possible. One day I vowed I would have beautiful hair that flowed down my shoulders.

I didn’t exactly know when Mom was supposed to be home but I really wanted to try on some makeup. *At least some lipstick,* I thought.

Moms makeup box was on the desk as well so I turned to it, put the earrings down and opened the box up. The distinct makeup smell hit me instantly, somehow it helped me relax. On the bottom of the box several different types of lipstick were scattered around. There was a dark red one that I really liked. I opened it up and spun the bottom like I saw in the movies. A small stick of red pushed its way up past the plastic. I bent over, looked at myself in the jewelry boxes mirror and lightly tapped my lips with lipstick. I rubbed my lips together and the lipstick spread around. It looked pretty good so I stopped, slid the cap back on, dropped it into the makeup-box and closed it. My look complete I grabbed the earrings and looked into the jewelry boxes mirror. I could see myself but I wanted a better view so I shimmied over to the closet mirror.

I looked at myself and I thought I looked nice. My face changed from happy to sad as I was overcome with shame. Why was I doing this? Was the risk worth it? I decided, It was definitely wor-

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my Mom’s car pulling into the driveway.

I immediately kicked the high heels off my feet into the closet and closed it. I ran over to the jewelry case, tossed the earrings in and slammed it shut. I collected my clothes and the towel tossing them out of the room. I bent over and grabbed the glass and backed out of the room, careful to place the glass where it was before I opened the door.

I looked down at myself and realized that I still had the dress on. “Oh my god!” I screamed to myself. I reached for Mom’s door and heard the jingle of keys at the front door. I grabbed my clothes, the towel, ran directly into the bathroom and locked the door.

---

I woke up and gasped at the air, my body trying to get as much of that precious gas as it could. Becky was kneeling down in front of me talking but I couldn't hear what she was saying. A piercing sound assaulted my ears and I grabbed at them plugging them up. The sound subsided shortly after and I pulled my fingers out of my ears.

“Rairy!” Becky screamed at me. She turned around to look at the door.

I couldn’t concentrate enough to really understand what was happening. I tried to look at her but my stomach was hurting, I clenched balling up as she looked at me.

Becky put a hand on my shoulder and said, “Rairy I was so worried, you weren’t breathing.”

I moaned in response. She started rubbing my back and I was beginning to relax so I closed my eyes.

“No, Rairy!” she screamed shaking me, “You need to stay awake!”

I opened my eyes back up and lazily looked at her. This time my chest started hurting and I grasped at it. Every breath intensified the pain. It was too much for me.

***

I slowly opened my eyes, a man was kneeling over me, I panicked and tried to move away but my chest felt as if it were on fire. I immediately stopped moving in fear of causing any more damage. I noticed that the man had a uniform on which made me comfortable enough to relax. I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes.

---

My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest. I pushed myself away from the bathroom door and stripped down to my underwear. I had no idea where to put the dress so I did my best to fold it and set it on the toilet seat.

I looked at myself in the mirror and it was weird to see myself with the lipstick on. I leaned in close to look at myself. The lipstick made my eyes stand out, they were a striking blue.

A knock sounded at the door, and I heard my mom say, “Ray, what are you doing in there?”

“Taking a bath, Mom!” I rushed over to the tub and turned on the hot water.

“Don’t use up all of the hot water!”

“I won’t!”

It was quiet for a moment and then I heard the front door slam shut. I peeked outside the window and saw mom walk off towards the liquor store across the street.

As fast as I could, I grabbed the dress and ran back into Mom’s room. I, of course, knocked the glass over again so I quickly picked it up and hung the dress back up too. I walked into Mom’s bathroom and filled the glass back up with water. I walked backwards setting the glass back where it was as I backed out of Mom’s room.

“What the fuck were you doing in my room this time you little asshole?!”

I turned around and Mom was standing behind me. She grabbed my face and wiped her thumb across my lips smudging some of the lipstick from my lips.

The fury on her face sent shivers down my spine.

---

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep.

I awoke to a rhythm of beeps. I was having problems opening my eyes but eventually one of them opened.

I was in a white room lying on a strange-looking bed.

The memories of what had happened came flooding back.

I leaned forward and immediately regretted it. A searing pain shot through my chest as if someone had stabbed me. I immediately fell back onto the bed.

I began to panic struggling to sit up and an alarm went off. *Shit!*

Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep, Be-

The beeping machine was going crazy.

*I have to get out of here!* I was worried about getting back to my foster parent's house to watch her kid.

A man came rushing into the room. He was wearing hospital scrubs.

*I’m in a hospital?*

I leaned my head up to get a better look at him. I tried to say something by my throat was dry and only a squeak came out.

“You’re awake,” he said and sighed with relief.

I was struggling to keep my eye open, the other eye wouldn’t open.

“Are you in pain? he asked.

I nodded.

He pressed a button to silence the machine, then pressed another button, I heard a small noise and started to feel really good.

The beeping came back on, the rhythm began to slow and I slowly closed my eye.

---

“You little fuck!”

Mom grabbed me by the arm and tossed me into my room. I felt like a doll she was throwing around.

She slammed the door and locked me in. I curled up into a ball and began to weep.

---

Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep…

The rhythmic beeping was starting to annoy me. I slowly opened my eye, the right one was still sealed shut for some reason.

Beep-Beep.

I looked around the room and no one was here. There was a small window near my bed and it looked like it was night time. *Shit!*

I tried to sit up but when I did pain in my stomach and chest flared up. I slumped back onto my back and took a look around. The EKG monitor at least that's what I thought it was called was causing the offending noise.

I remembered when I was in the hospital as a kid and there was a device to call a nurse. I looked for it and found it lying next to my right hand. I pressed the button and a little green light came on.

Between the rhythm of the beeps and whatever drugs they had me on made time flow pretty fast. Before I knew it, a nurse was in the room.

I looked over at the nurse and smiled at her.

“Hey there,” she said, ”you got bruised up pretty bad.”

I tried to respond but my throat was dry and I couldn’t vocalize anything. I made a glass tilting movement to indicate that I needed something to drink.

“Oh,” she said. She looked around for a moment and grabbed a glass of water that I didn’t know was there. She pressed a button and the back of my bed slowly rose up. It took an agonizingly long time.

I had a much better view of the room and of my body from this position. My hands were outside of the sheets and my left arm had an IV in it.

“There we go.” she reached forward and slowly helped me take a drink.

When she finished I tried to speak, “Wh-” I grabbed at my throat and nearly pulled out the IV. I closed my eyes in pain.

The nurse checked the IV to make sure it was ok and after she fiddled with it for a moment she left it alone.

“Phone.” I barely whispered.

“What?” she asked and leaned forward.

“Phone.”

She nodded and brought me a small pile of my things.

“We already contacted your foster parents,” she said as I was digging through my things.

That was a relief, though I was still not happy that I missed babysitting and I hoped that Carol wasn’t mad at me. I stopped looking for my phone and relaxed some.

“She was already here and said she would be back in the morning if you were wondering.”

I slowly nodded and handed my things back to the nurse. She took them and set them in a chair near the bed.

“You should get some-” she put a hand on my shoulder and I cringed away from her. “r-rest.”

She looked hurt but didn’t say anything else, double-checked my machine and left the room.

---

The repeated slap of the paddle on my behind was like a release valve for my tear ducts. I could see the drops from my eyes fall onto my comforter creating little dark spots. I must have leaned my face into the comforter because a red lipstick stain was just below the dark spots.

*Do I deserve this?* I wondered.

---

“Rairy.” I heard someone say.

“Rairy, wake up.”

I slowly opened my eye and noticed Carol was in the room with me. I smiled at her, everything was a bit fuzzy.

“Hi, moaaam.” I slurred and tried again, “m-moaaam.” I laughed at myself.

Carol grinned at me and said, “It’s time to go home.”

I don’t know where she came from but there was also a nurse in the room with a wheelchair.

I was suddenly worried when I saw the wheelchair.

I turned to Carol and asked, “Amm I g-going trre die?

“No honey you’re not going to die.” She looked over at the nurse, then back at me and said, “No, you’re going home.”

I slowly nodded my head. I inhaled and there was a pain in my chest.

“Whaa haappened?” I wondered aloud.

“Someone at school hurt you.” I saw her wipe a tear away from under her eye.

“I doan’t like being haart.” I said and covered up my scarred ear. I could feel the tears come.

***

I felt a shuddering as the car stopped. I looked over and Carol was in the car with me so I weakly smiled at her.

She smiled back at me and said, “Say there, I’ll get Rick to help you inside.”

***

Rick my foster Dad helped me into my room and left me there to rest. My room was just as I remembered it, cramped. I had to share it with Lacy. Lacy is my ten-year-old foster sister and she follows me everywhere like glue or gum stuck on my shoe.

Allen the youngest of the other foster kids in the house is five and shares a room with Gabe, Lacy’s twin brother.

I had no reason to stay awake so I carefully sat on my bed, slowly laid down on my back and closed my eyes.

***

Standing was hard and walking was even worse. Every move I made hurt. Somehow inch by agonizing inch I made it to the kitchen. I had to eat something; I was starving. I pulled on the fridge door and my chest felt like it was lit on fire.

It was early in the morning and I still wasn’t sure if I was going to have to go to school or not today.

I pulled on the door again and the pain was even worse. I couldn’t open it. I slowly lowered myself onto the floor let the tears stream down my face.

Carol and Rick don’t make food. Even the five-year-old cooks more than they did.

***

Cereal with water was going to have to do. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was etable. I almost didn’t even taste the disgusting tap water aftertaste, almost.

***

Carol told me that I took multiple kicks to my face, chest, stomach and legs. Several of my ribs were bruised, I had a hernia on my stomach, and my eye was so bad they had to cut it to drain it, like a boxer.

I’d also found out that Carol had to pull me out of the hospital early because she couldn’t afford to keep me there.

She told me to stay home and rest while she went to my school to find out exactly how this happened. I didn’t remember being hit that many times.

***

Rick came into the house and must have noticed me on the couch because I heard him yell, “Sleep in your room, not in here!”

Yes, that’s what I needed was more pain. At least he offered to help me to my room.

***

Eating didn’t seem like something I wanted to do, or maybe it was the pain that was persuading me to stay in bed. Either way I could always lose a few pounds or twenty.

***

A searing pain shot through my chest and my eyes shot open. Lacy shook my shoulder and the pain repeated itself, I hissed and whimpered.

“Here’s some water Rairy.”

I did my best to turn away from her and fall back asleep, I knew she was trying to be nice but the pain made me want to strangle her.

***

“I could try going back today,” I suggested.

“I don’t know Rairy, you can barely walk.”

I hated being cooped up in this house. When she suggested I start watching the kids my pain suddenly got worse. Must have been the pain fairy or something like that.

***

I had to admit the week off helped me a ton, I could even open the fridge again which was an improvement.

I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted to go back to school but taking care of the five-year-old was getting annoying as hell.

***

From what I gathered from Carol and Becks, Becks and Ms. Anderson had to go to the restroom and that’s why I didn’t see them. After Howard kicked me a few times Ms. Anderson pulled him off of me and drug him outside. Somehow he got past her went back into the restroom and hit me several more times while I was unconscious.

I hoped they expelled that asshole.

***

Another week and I was sure I was ready to head back to school. I wasn’t back to normal by far but I could at least maneuver a lot faster than the week before.

Surprisingly there wasn’t any news about Howard, I figured they would have expelled him by now.

***

My pack was heavier than I remembered it being but I was able to make it to my first class with ease. I kept getting these angry looks from other students though which was pretty confusing.

***

My first couple classes weren’t too bad but the looks from the other students persisted. *What the fuck!* I was starting to get pissed.

***

I couldn’t stand it anymore so I just shut out the world avoiding eye contact with everyone.

I sat down in Mr. B’s class and started opening up my bag when I saw Howard walk into class. He give me the biggest shit eating grin I’d ever seen.

***

I didn’t know when I did it but I was standing up with my pack on my shoulder and I was halfway across the room ready to beat the fuck out of him when Mr. B jumped in front of me.

I darted from side to side trying to get past him but I was too slow and in too much pain.

Howard slowly walked to one of the desks at the back of the room and sat down.

“Fuck this shit!” I spat and pushed Mr. B out of the way and made my way out of his classroom.

***

First Chapter | Next Chapter

This story is pretty triggering and can be pretty hard for me to write. Getting my head into the headspace to write this is tough on me so bare with me as it may be slow going.

All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

***

Authors Note: I apologize for how short this one is.

Rairy Contrary - Chapter 3 - Prejudice

***

I didn’t know when I did it but I was standing up with my pack on my shoulder and I was halfway across the room ready to beat the fuck out of him when Mr. B jumped in front of me.

I darted from side to side trying to get past him but I was too slow and in too much pain.

Howard slowly walked to one of the desks at the back of the room and sat down.

“Fuck this shit!” I spat, pushed Mr. B out of the way and made my way out of his classroom.

---

I ran toward the front door unlocking it and without missing a beat flew through it.

“RAYMOND!!!!” I heard my mom scream behind me. *Crap!* I thought.

She caught me in another dress of hers and I decided to try a new tactic. Running.

Slap-slap, slap-slap, I heard my bare feet pound on the concrete as I came to the corner of my block. I chanced a glance behind me and I didn’t see her following me so I slowed down.

I don’t know how far I walked from there but I was tired. I saw a house ahead with really tall bushes so I squeezed my way behind them and sat down.

I felt safe until I realized I was in nothing but a too-large-to-fit-me dress and that’s it.

---

“He’s in a meeting right now.”

“I don’t care!” I said as I pushed past the lady at the front desk.

I grabbed the door handle and it was locked so I started banging on the door.

***

It didn’t take long for the principal of the school to open the door and for a security guard to show up.

“What the fu--” I said as I pushed past him into his office. Becks and her parents were in the room which caused me to stop mid-sentence.

“What are you doi--”

“Ms Clark, what is the meaning of this?” Mr. Kendrick interrupted and I turned around to look at him.

My mouth sort of stayed open to reply but nothing came out. I looked between the three adults I was standing between and suddenly felt trapped. I backed up a few steps and ran into a small table with a plant on it.

Mr. and Mrs. Stevens, Becks parents, stood up.

“I didn’t mea--”

“You most certainly did mean to interrupt us.” Mr. Kendrick angrily shouted.

“James!” Mrs. Stevens said with a scowl on her face. “If this is how you run your scho--”

Mr. Stevens touched his wife's shoulder and she stopped talking.

Mrs. Stevens shot her husband a look and grabbed Becks hand and pulled her to her feet.

Becks and I made eye contact briefly and I saw it all over her face, she was in trouble for something.

“We’re going.” Mrs. Stevens tugged on her daughter's hand causing her whole body to jerk forward.

“The meetings not ove--”

“Yes it is!” she yelled at her husband and drug her daughter out of the room.

Mr. Kendrick turned and yelled after her, “Your daughter is still suspended!”

I heard a scream and a door slam.

Mr. Stevens' eyes were as wide as a fish’s when he threw up his hands and chased after them.

***

“I think she should stay,” I said to Mr. Kendrick. The female security guard was the only thing making me feel safe in this room after what I had just witnessed.

I looked at the security guard and sent her pleading thoughts. It must have worked because she defied Mr. Kendrick and stood her ground.

“Malinda!” He shouted.

I looked between him and Melinda. Melinda backed up a step.

“I don’t feel safe!” I yelled.

---

“Raymond!” I heard faintly in the distance. I peeked through the bushes just to make sure she wasn’t there when I didn’t see anyon--

“Hello?”

I jumped and screamed, “Don’t hit me!” I cowered away from the voice. After about a minute and realizing I didn’t get hit by anyone I looked past my arms and saw a girl my age standing there.

“Are you okay?” she whispered.

---

Mr. Kendrick gave up on Melinda crossed his arms, turned to me and asked, “What do you want?”

I glanced at Melinda then back at Mr. Kendrick and said, “Why isn’t Howard expelled?”

“Why isn’t Howard expelled?!” he spat. “The Real question is why aren’t you expelled!”

“Wha-”

“Boys, don’t belong in the girl's restroom!”

“Becks brought me in there!”

“That’s why she is suspended!”

I didn’t know what to say, so I started crying instead.

*Fuck!* I thought.

---

I nodded and looked up at the girl in the bushes with me. I recognized her from school, her name was Becky. I pretended to be her sometimes.

“I’m okay,” I responded.

*At least until mom catches me.*

“What are you doing in my bushes?”

I peeked through a crack and turned back to her, “Hiding from my Mom.”

“I’m Becky by the way.”

“I’m Ray.”

She stuck out a hand and I shook it.

“Why is your dress so big?”

“It’s my mom’s. She doesn’t like me wearing her dresses.”

“Don’t you have your own dresses?”

I wondered if she knew I was a boy under here, my hair was really short and I thought it was obvious.

“I don’t have any dresses.”

Her face scrunched up and she said, “I have an idea, turn around.”

She seemed nice enough so I did what she asked. The dress hiked up a bit so that it was really close to my neck and then the waist of it pulled in really close to my hips.

“There!” she beamed.

I turned trying to see what she did and when that didn’t work, I pulled the dress around so I could see. It was knotted at the top and at my waist. I smiled at her in appreciation.

“Wanna see my room?” Her voice peaked.

---

The hiccups had started. I only got this bad when I couldn’t stop crying. Mr. Kendrick didn’t know what to do with me so I was in the nurse's office curled up on one of the beds there.

Time passed slowly but I eventually calmed down enough that I could sit up. I checked my phone, Mr. B’s class was almost over and lunch was starting soon. At least the nurse had a gender-neutral bathroom I could fix myself up in.

***

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

***
I swiped on my mother's name in my address book. I stared at myself in the mirror as the phone rang and shakily rubbed a finger on my cheeks where my makeup was ruined.

“Rairy?” Mom said immediately.

“M-mom? I—,” suddenly my voice broke and I started crying again.

“What’s wrong?”

There was a sense of urgency in her voice that made it hard for me to reply.

I sniffed trying to clear my nose. I finally replied, “T-they let him back in.”

“Let who back in?”

“Howard, he’s back in school.”

“I know.”

“You KNOW!? What do you mean you know!?”

She didn’t answer.

“I have classes with him, Mom!”

No response.

“He put me in the hospital!”

“Don’t over reac—”

“You think I’m overreacting?!” I smashed my fist into the paper towel dispenser and the ring of metal rang throughout the bathroom.

“Rairy, calm down.”

“Calm down?! Calm down?! You want me to calm down?!” I threw my phone at the wall and it shattered, scattering its pieces all over the bathroom.

***
A rapping at the bathroom door brought me back to reality causing me to involuntarily jump.

“Rairy?” came from beyond the door in a muffled tone.

I pulled my legs closer to my chest, hugging them.

“I just want to know you’re okay.”

“I’m fine!”

Pause.

“I don’t believe you, Rairy.”

I slowly closed my eyes and began to shake.

“Can you unlock the door?”

It was the school nurse on the other side of the door. Her name was Jennie Miller she preferred being called Mrs. Jen. Last year, after I had been on hormones for about six month’s my appearance started causing problems in the boy’s bathroom. I was a freshman at the time so I was pretty new to the school. Of course, I was called into Mr. Kendrick’s office. Mrs. Jen happened to be in the office when I was talking to him and she overheard our conversation. She was the one who suggested I start using the nurses’ bathroom.

“It’s just me, Mrs. Jen, Rairy.”

I took a deep breath, wiped my cheeks off, I leaned into the wall slowly lifted my body, unlocked the door, and slowly lowered myself back to the floor.

The door creaked open and Mrs. Jen quickly scanned the room until her eyes fell on me. Her mouth fell open and then she quickly closed it.
She gave the room a second look and she saw my phone or what was left of it.

She turned to me and asked, “What happened there?”

I met her eyes and started crying again.

***
As I cried into Mrs. Jen’s shoulder and she put her hand on mine. It was comforting. She had joined me on the bathroom floor.

Why the hell did my life have to be so fucked up? Did I deserve this?

No. I didn’t deserve this. *Then why the hell does everyone treat me like crap?* Duh, because you’re transgender. I hated that people only saw that about me. It’s not like it’s something I could control. I didn’t want to be transgender. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. *Maybe Howard.*

The thought of Howard in a dress made me involuntarily laugh.

“You okay?” Mrs. Jen asked as she rubbed my hand.

I shook my head, took in a shaky breath, and moved my body closer to hers.

*At least she’s nice to me.* Besides Mrs. Jen, I really only had Becks as a friend. Sure mom helped me get my provisional driver’s license and got my transition on its way but she wanted me to watch the kids so often that I didn’t get much time to myself. While Becks was off partying with friends I was stuck at home watching the kids.

The other foster parents treated me like shit though. At least I used to be able to spend time with Becks back then. I remembered the bruises.

*Fuck the bruises and those assholes bullshit!*

I pulled in another deep breath and it was much more steady this time around.

“Feeling better?”

*Fuck.*

“A little.”

I wondered how I was going to handle this. Mom had already talked to the police. *Why not talk to them yourself?* Now that was a thought.

Would they even listen to a minor? Only one way to find out.

Mrs. Jen patted my hand and held it for a moment before saying, “Can I help you up?”

I nodded, she stood up and reached for my hands.

***
Mrs. Jen had me sit down in one of the nurses’ office chairs as she cleaned up the bathroom.

She returned with a plastic baggie filled with the scattered remains of what used to be my phone. It was one of the free phones you get with your phone plan so it wasn’t a huge loss. Mom was gonna be pissed though.

She handed me the baggy and said, “I wouldn’t open that.”

I took a closer look and saw a small amount of yellow-tinted liquid built up on the bottom of the baggie.

“Ewww,” I said. The outside of the baggie was wet so I dropped it. I immediately got up and wanted to wash my hands.

Mrs. Jen rushed over to one of the cabinets. “Let me get a second baggie for that just in case it leaks.”

She delicately reached her hand into the cabinet and pulled out another baggie.

“I cleaned off the bag in the sink is why it’s so wet.” She opened the new baggie and put the wet one on the ground in it.

I was stuck in place shaking my hands. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.

“Want to wash your hands?”

I furiously nodded.

“Go ahead.”

I limped over to her sink, squirted some soap onto my hands, and began scrubbing.

“You should probably wash your clothes when you get home too.”

I eventually finished scrubbing my hands, rinsed them off, and dried them.

“Rairy.” She said and then took in a deep breath. “I know what happened.” She walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. “I was there when the ambulance got there and saw what he did to you.”

I turned around and yelled, “He should be in jail!”

“I know, I know!”

Tears started building up in my eyes as I asked, “Why... isn’t he in jail?”

“His Famil—” She shook her head, “No, I’ve said too much already.”

I didn’t know much about Howard other than how much of an asshole he was.

“His Family?” I asked.

“Do you know his last name?”

“Daniels?”

“Look them up.” She walked over to her desk, scribbled on a small paper, and ripped it off. “Here, take this. You can go home early.”

It was a note so I could get past the security guard to get to mom’s car.

She looked me in the eyes and said, “Be careful.”

***
Most influential family in my county google said.

Shit.

I had forgone going home and went to the library. Mom was probably going to be pissed and I was likely going to be grounded so the library was my only real option when it came to internet access.

Why did I have to break my phone?

I closed out the browser and logged out of the computer.

*Where to next, genius?*

***
I stared at myself in the rearview mirror as I wiped off my makeup. I figured the police might have more sympathy for me if the bruises were visible.

***
The lady at the front desk was staring at me as I slowly limped up to her.

As soon as I got up to her I could hear her say, “Oh my god.” under her breath. She then asked, “Sweetie what happened?”

“A kid attacked me at school a few weeks ago.” A flash of Howard kicking me in the chest seared its way through my brain and I began crying. “I want to press c-charges.”

She was mute for a moment and suddenly a man appeared behind her and said, “Joan, I’ve got this one.”

A police officer came through the door that was splitting the lobby from the rest of the station. He stuffed something into his pocket as he walked over to me. He didn’t have his badge on so I didn’t get his badge number.

“Rairy?” He asked.

“Y-yeah?”

“Have a seat over here so we can talk.”

He led me over to one of the chairs in the lobby and gestured at it. I sat down and he sat down next to me.

“How do you know who I am?”

“Well, your foster mother already came by to file charges. She had pictures of you.”

“So is the case ongoing or what?”

He got quiet when he said, “I can’t talk with you about it, you need to talk to your mother.”

“I—”

“Did you drive here?”

I nodded.

“Can you drive?”

I nodded again.

“Would you like help out to your car?”

“He’s gonna do it again!”

“Here let me help you outside.”

He grabbed my arm and squeezed it, hard. I got up.

***
*What the fuck just happened?*

I couldn’t stop crying.

The police officer led me to my car and stood there watching as I pulled out. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go but home.

***

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

All the work I post here is in its first draft format. I do this so that you can still read what I'm writing and so you have a reason to buy my books when they are edited and published, alongside supporting me as a person of course.

***
When I opened the front door I expected yelling but it didn’t come. Carol and Rick were sitting silently on the couch.

Rick’s gaze drifted up and he met my eyes. He had this silent seething rage coming off of him. I’d seen that look before right before my mom—no, I wouldn’t let anyone hurt me like that again, especially him. Rick tolerated me at best. I wondered if he cared about me.

“Rairy.” Carol said, pulling my stare from Rick.

Carol cared about me, I knew she did but I didn’t understand why she was being so dismissive about pressing charges on the asshole who beat me up.

I lifted up the baggie with my cellphone in it. “I broke it, I’m sorry,” I said.

“Jesus! Carol!” Rick said while pointing at me. He got up and snatched the baggie from me.

“Don’t open it, there’s pee on it.”

He dropped the bag. It was already in several pieces I doubted that dropping it again would help though.

“On the inside, not the outside.” I said.

He snatched up the baggie, went into the kitchen, and I heard the back door slam.

I jumped.

“Rairy, we have to talk abou—” Carol said,

“I went to the police station.”

“You what?!” she screeched, “You can’t do that, Rairy!”

“Why?! He needs punished! I can’t just let hi—”

“Yes you can! What did the police say?!”

I showed her my arm with a red mark on it. “A police officer without a badge grabbed my arm and forced me from the station.”

“Oh, thank god!”

“What?! What do you mea—”

“We c-can’t mess with these pe-people Rairy!”

Carol's voice was shaking which alarmed me. “Why not…?” I asked.

“They are going to take all of you away if you press charges!”

My heart felt as if it were stabbed. “What? How!”

She leaned forward. “These people have a lot of power. They have connections.”

I crossed my arms. “I can’t stay in class with that asshole!”

“Change the class.”

“I can’t just chan—”

“Yes you can.”

“What if I ca—”

“Drop the class then.”

I couldn’t believe she was saying this. It was insane. Was she really that scared?

She patted the seat next to her. “Come here, sweetie.”

I didn’t want to but the pained look on her face convinced me otherwise. I sat next to her, she put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. She was shorter than me so it was weird but nice.

“I didn’t know…” I said.

“I know.”

***
I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was so pissed off that I didn’t know what to do.

Lying on my bed waiting for sleep to come was my only real option. There was a black smudge on the wall next to my bed. *Where the heck did that come from?* I smelled it. It smelled burnt like someone had been playing with fire.

*Those kids are gonna burn down the house.* What reall pissed me off was that one of the kids was on my bed. It was yet another thing I couldn’t control.

I pulled my pillow over my face and screamed into it.

*Fuck!*

***
I got probably two hours of sleep. Carol let me take the car again but Rick wasn’t happy about it. Rick and I had a unique relationship. He would help me but sometimes something would set him off and he would blow up. What was really strange is he would flip around and be cool a few minutes later.

My theory was that he would feel bad that he flipped out and then try to make up for it by being nice. It was such a weird thing and could be confusing to live with.

I got to school early enough that I got to see my counselor before anyone else arrived.

“What can I help you with Rairy?” she asked.

“I need to change a class.” Normally she and I got along but today I was pretty aggro.

“I heard you got into a fight.”

*Fuck, her.*

“I need to change a class.”

“What class?”

“My college prep Psychology class—the one just before lunch.”

She brought up my schedule or whatever she did on the computer. “Looks like there’s a gym class you could pick up.”

*Gym cla—* “No, can we just drop it then, please?”

“It’s aerobics.”

“Where am I supposed to change? The girls locker room?” Yeah, that wasn’t gonna happen.

“You need someth— how about a computer class?”

“Uhmm.” We’d just started the year so I could probably catch up pretty quick. “I don’t have a computer.”

“Oh, it says here that your foster parents have one.”

“We don’t.” We did but the thing was ancient and the thing barely ran the websites for the kids' homework. I generally used my phone to do my assignments but that was gone now.

“Well, we can get you one of the Chromebooks?”

“That’ll work.” I’d have to log in to the wifi but that wasn’t a problem. “Where do I get one?”

“Can you pick it up at lunch?”

***
No classes with Howard. It was going to be amazing. *Today’s actually going to be a good day.* I thought as I limped to class.

***
I handed Mr. Harden my slip and he looked it over. When he was finished he had me sit down with everyone else.

“Everyone, welcome Ms. Clark.” He said.

Several of the other kids gave me bashful waves. There weren’t any girls here. *So much for STEM.* I felt bad for thinking about it, since I probably wouldn’t have taken this class if my psych class hadn’t been so toxic. By toxic I meant, Howard existing.

Most of the kids around me weren’t the normal kind of kids you might see. Well a few of them looked like they might be “Gamers” but most of them looked like hardcore nerds. Every one of them had their PC’s out. None of them had Chromebooks. I was suddenly worried and raised my hand.

Mr. Harden gestured at me. “Is a Chromebook going to work for this class?” I hoped so I didn’t have a job let alone money to get a real laptop.

“A Chromebook should work fine.” He turned back to the class, “Now, If you would open the cla—”

I raised my hand again interrupting him. He looked at me.

“Uhm, I don’t get my Chromebook till after class.”

“That’s fine. Feel free to just listen or pair up with someone.”

It was a feeling more than anything but I felt the room mentally shift its attention to me.

There was a kid with curly brown hair to my left and a blond-haired boy to my right. I didn’t know which to choose. The brown-haired kid waggled his pen back and forth and I swear he scooted away from me. When he stopped waggling the pen I got a good look at it. It was a multicolored pen.

I scooted over to the curly-haired kid with the pen. I took it as a sort of sign that he might be LGBT friendly or something.

He sort of froze.

“Can you turn your laptop so I can see?” I whispered.

When he didn’t move it I moved it for him. *At least I get my own laptop soon.*

***
The computer class was all about programming. Something of which I knew nothing about. This year was probably going to end up being rougher than I thought.

The kid next to me’s name was Valentine. He didn’t talk to me the whole period. It was really awkward. I only knew his name because he had a paper with it on there.

***
The woman at the front desk remembered me from yesterday. I could tell just from the way she was looking at me. Her eyes were squinted and she had a scowl on her face.

“What’d you do this time?”

“I’m here to pick up a Chromebook.”

She glanced behind her. There was a small pile of papers with what I assumed was my Chromebook on top of it. “Give me a minute.”

She pushed with her legs and floated on her computer chair to the pile. She grabbed it, and rolled back. She pulled off a paper that was stuck on it and handed me the computer. It was pretty light and there were like half a dozen stickers on it. I knew what I would be doing tonight.

***
Turns out Becks wasn’t here today or wasn’t at lunch so I went directly home after English.

When I got home Carol was on the couch. There was an indent in her seat. She almost never left the couch.

“Hey, Rairy.” She said and then she saw what was in my hands. “Where’d you get that?”

“It’s the schools. I got the class changed and they put me in a computer class.”

“Good. Can yo—”

“Watch Allan?” I interrupted. “Yeah, where is he?”

“In his room.”

Carol got up, I gave her her keys, and a weak smile.

***
“Rairy?” Allan asked.

I looked up from the computer. “Yeah?”

He shimmied over with his head down. “Can we watch videos?”

I smiled at him. “Sure let me get these stickers off first okay buddy?”

He nodded slowly. He had been glancing up at me from the floor while he watched TV.

Most of the stickers were gone. There was one of Spongebob that was pretty cool so I left it on there.

The back was finally done so I started on the ones on the pads where my hands went.

***
Allan was waiting so patiently and he would have to keep waiting because I couldn’t stand the sticky residue on my wrists as I typed. Of course I found that part out after I plugged it in and turned it on.

***
Rick was the first to get home. I’d kept Allan busy for at least two hours as we watched videos. I tried to keep them kid friendly. I didn’t want to corrupt his mind or whatever happened to kids minds if you did that too early.

The twins Lacy and Gabe came home a little after Rick. I ended up cutting up apples for all of them. For some reason Allan really liked apples but you had to cut them up for him or he wouldn’t eat them.

When I first met Lacy and Gabe I’d asked them if they had any special twin powers. They had no idea what I was talking about. I found out later that their only twin powers were being able to annoy each other and as a side effect, me too.

Rick didn’t watch the kids but he took over the TV and expected us to be anywhere but where he was. We would usually just hang out in our rooms.

The house was only three bedrooms. The girls room which Lacy and I shared and the boys room which Gabe and Allan shared. We were all in my room with three kids hovering behind me. Their school wasn’t giving out computers for them yet so having a computer in the house that didn’t take ten minutes to run a youtube video was something they oood and awwwd over. Being poor sucks.

Normally they would watch while I used my phone but since that was gone here we were. We were in our normal positions, me on the floor and all of them lying on my bed behind me.

I wondered if our situation would ever change.

***

BECKS: sory I didn’t warn you

BECKS: r u the

BECKS: i cnt belev mom n dad acted tat way

BECKS: r u mad?

BECKS: rairy?

Becks had left a bunch of messages for me on instagram. I was still too pissed that she didn’t send me anything after the attack.
*How do you like being ignored?*

If I saw her tomorrow I would probably talk to her about what had happened. Instagram's website which is the only thing I could access had a very limited amount of features I could use.

***
I’d spent most of the night with the kids watching videos. It was fun but I got tired of it especially since I couldn’t watch what I wanted to watch.
We ate dinner which I made. Luckily Rick and Carol bought a bunch of canned food. It was pretty easy to prepare but I wished I could make something nicer. Carol and Rick always ate out leaving me to cook for us.

It was pretty fucked up but at least they gave us food. I’d lived at one foster home where I’d nearly starved. I was grateful for what we had.

***
Carol liked to walk the kids to school in the morning since it was less than a mile away. Some days like yesterday the kids would walk alone but Carol generally went with them. She said she liked the exercise.

I got the car. I was not looking forward to school.

***
Valentine was staring at my computer almost the whole period. I’d finally had enough. “What?! It’s a free one from school!”

He didn’t respond and looked away.

The kids in this class were so shy. It was off-putting.

***
Becks wasn’t there but her friends were. Her friends generally put up with me rather than actually paying any attention to me.
Valentine and a bunch of little nerdy friends of his were all gathered at a table but they’d probably be too scared to even talk to me. I choose to sit alone.

***
“Rairy can I have apple.” Allan said.

I happened to be in the kitchen at the time so cut him an apple.

“Can we watch more videos?”

“Sure kiddo.”

***
Carol got back with the kids and they all wanted snacks too. I’d never asked to be a mom. Even though I couldn’t have kids anymore I wasn’t sure if I wanted any after watching these runts.

***
“I’m going to watch some of my stuff now.” I told the kids behind me. A chorus of aww’s erupted behind me.

“Find somewhere else to go.” I said when they didn’t get the hint to get out of my hair.

***
I looked at the computer and then took a deep breath. My hand hovered over the ‘Enter’ button, as I exhaled I pressed the button.

ME: hey srry my phone is broken

ME: i got one of those schol laptops

BECKS: srry abt wht hppned

I didn’t want to talk about Howard, like at all so I changed the subject.

ME: wht hppned to lunch?

BECKS: mom n dad made me cange lunch

ME: b cuz of me?

Becks parents were like Rick. They tolerated me as Becks friend but didn’t like that she hung out with me. When I first met them they thought I was a girl and then found out later I was a boy. I think they still held a grudge. I was only like ten when I met them.

BECKS: yah

BECKS: thy dont wnt us talkin n e more

I sat there staring at the message I wrote. It read, “i h8 life.” While I did hate the shitty card life had given me, I didn’t hate all of it. I deleted the message.

***
Becks and I talked for most of the night. We both decided that we didn’t care what her parents thought.
We were best friends and it was going to take more than her parents to kill our friendship.

***

Ms Arnold— yeah, Miss Arnold, she made sure we didn’t call her Mizzz— was laying out our math tests. I hated taking a test every week. *It's like, how many tests could they make us take?*

At least I was pretty good at math.

***
Valentine was getting braver around me. He’d upgraded from cowering away to angling his laptop so he didn’t have to look at me. This kid had issues.

I had a few months of work to catch up on in this class, I didn’t need the distraction anyway. At least he wasn’t messing with me like I knew Howard would be.

***
I stared at Becks’ and my old table. I wondered if her friends knew anything.

“Hey Lindsey.” I said as I walked up to the table.

“Yeah?”

“Have you heard from Becks?”

She hopped up from the bench. “Yeah, because of your bitch ass they swapped her lunch.”

*Fuck.*

Lindsey and I didn’t get along. When she decided to walk my way I turned and got the hell out of there. I’d had enough beatings for the rest of the year. Or the next 40 years.

***
Mrs. Law's english class was one of the easier classes I had. I was taking college prep in most of them. Next year I would have even less classes. I wondered if I could test out of any of them and possibly only have a few all year round.

I’d end up watching the kids more often but at least I would get out early.

***
Carol took the car as soon as I got home. It was okay, with Becks not at lunch I couldn’t eat out anymore. We didn’t have money and Becks would always buy me food. I felt sort of bad taking her handouts.

It was so weird not having snapchat and instagram around. Carol and Rick said they weren’t going to buy me a new phone. I could probably get a job but that would eat into my classwork. Which reminded me that I should probably be doing that instead of watching videos with Allan.

***
I’d eaten through about half of the school work in a few hours. I was so happy I could access it through the laptop. It was so much easier to type it all out too.

If only Allan would stop bugging me for another apple. It would probably be best for Carol to invest in an apple tree at this point.

***
I woke up in a cold sweat, the kids that had been chasing me in my dream with daggers were faster than me. Seeing my heart beating in their hands was apparently enough for my brain to eject me back into the real world.

***
Makeup was so good at hiding nasty things on your face like black bags under your eyes. At least I looked halfway decent. Luckily, I was able to sneak in a few youtube makeup tutorials because I had no idea how much to use to cover them up.

Lacy watched me carefully as I applied it. I didn’t know when young girls became interested in makeup; having grown up as a boy.

***
Lunch again. Sitting alone again. Howard and his group of assholes actually pointed me out. I couldn’t keep sitting alone; it was only a matter of time before they started screwing with me again.

At least it was Friday and I didn’t have to deal with their crap for the next couple of days.

***

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