“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15: 12 & 13 - The Bible
Concerning Colors: The Colors of the Heart is a spin-off series of my ongoing series The Melodies of the Heart. From time to time, I’ve hinted at a larger world. Since there is a large and colorful cast of characters to The Melodies of the Heart series, I felt that it's only right that the reader is given a fuller, deeper look into the often hinted background of the colors. In Melodies of the Heart: The Birthday Wish a character mentions a boy who was slain one Halloween night. This story is an account that is told by one of the teens, now an adult that was present that fateful night.
There is a very special room on the third floor of the manor house. A room that has been set aside to honor the memory of those who have passed from this life to the other. In that room, one will find a dozen or so small shrines, each on sacred to the memory of a person who died before their time. One of those shrines belongs to a boy who abandoned the bloom of his youth to obtain the laurel crown of sainthood.
His name was Donald Albert Sidney, but we called him Daisy. He was killed on Halloween in the year two thousand. His story is one I’m proud to tell, as I was there when he drew his last breath. I’ll go as far as to say, I held him close as he drew his last ragged breath.
Daisy was a brooding and silent boy, he had few friends and those he had often remarked that he often seemed to keep them chosen few at an arm’s length. But those who could overlook his brooding and silent nature would find a kind and gentle soul who just wanted to be loved and cherished. And above all, he wanted to adopt, he like me had been born into the system and came to the manor house shortly after turning ten. Most children that young are adopted within a month mostly by a member of the staff. The tween and teens are within a year. We staff try to make each child feel at home. And often being adopted is the anchor they need and deserve.
I myself was adopted a year into coming here. Daisy though was a rare case, in some rare cases, a child does not bond with an adult or they just slip through the cracks, despite the best efforts of the staff. But then again, even God can not catch all the fallen little sparrows.
And so at fourteen, five years since his coming and two after my own adoption. Daisy remained along and withdrawn. In desperation, he turned toward the Church. Even the most devoted adult marveled at his devotion. Daily he attended the Mass and prayed the Rosary. And between Mass and services, he would spend his free time, kneeling down at the communion rail. Praying silently or just peering toward the bruised and battered body of Christ as he hung upon the Roman Tree.
I was sixteen at the time and starting to test the water if you will. Sundays where days to sleep and lay around the house, a twenty-four hour period to recover from the wild parties of Friday and Saturday. Yet like clockwork, he would rise with the sun, wash his face, and change into an old navy blazer and a fading pair of jeans and an old pair of penny loafers and somehow he would tam his hair. And be off to attend Latin Mass at the local Roman Catholic Church, Our Lady of Sorrow.
He once told me, he was considering the priesthood, maybe even becoming a Jesuit once he finished schooling. But then, he told me, there was something deep inside him, something he was wrestling with, a sexual desire that might prevent him from entering the priesthood. One he was trying to overcome by attending Mass on a daily basis.
I shrugged that remark off at the time. The two years between us now seemed like the length between the Earth and the Moon. And Halloween was fast approaching, so my mind was on other things than trying to comfort my little brother who was.. Painfully searching his soul for imperfections. And any imperfection he found would be noted and worried over till he could make a confession and receive absolution so he might receive the body and blood in a state of grace.
While many will consider this devotion to the faith. But I saw it, as a form of sadomasochism. Instead of resting in the palm of God, he twisted and withered under his gaze. Instead of the Church is a place of respite from the troubles of the world, it instead became a place of torment. The guilt I think ate away at his soul. And instead of being his kind and understanding big sister, I mocked and teased him endlessly over his supposed guilt. Yes, it was an underhanded move, but I was a real pain in the neck at sixteen.
But Halloween was soon upon us. And the world turned from green to varying hues of orange and yellow. The first taste of autumn could be felt in the morning and late afternoon. The hours between early morning and late afternoon were still hotter than the dog days of summer. Another sign of the approaching holiday was the produce section of the local supermarkets started to offer apples, pumpkins and other autumn crops
Halloween costumes of all kinds were starting to appear on the racks of the local Five and Dime and Big Box retail stores. Most of us settled on getting out festive outfits from these big, discount stores. After all, your only going to wear a Halloween costume once or twice before you throw it away or donated it to a local charity shop or something. If you're feeling creative you can always assemble your costume out of old bits and pieces of clothing you have to lay around the house.
And if you had some measurable skill with a needle and thread you could always sew your own. That was the route Daisy took that Halloween. You see he had another love beside the Church, Anime had recently landed on our shores, bringing with it those much loved and now considered classic titles of “Sailor Moon”, “Outlaw Star”, “Big O”, “Dragon Ball Z” and who could ever forget that one cartoon that started the craze “Pokemon”.
Now at the turn of the millennium, the anime community was scattered. The public access to the Internet was still in it its infancy, mostly reserved for college students and professors. And the few conventions there were, where small private affairs.
The Internet was still in its infancy. Along with the Erehwon Anime and Manga community. Cosplay was almost unknown and unheard. What Manga there was on the market had been ’Flipped’. But despite all of this, Daisy had fallen in love with the popular anime series “Sailor Moon” an anime about a group of girls who transform into superheroes and battle demons. He was so in love with the anime that he even wanted to costume as one of the characters.
That kind of posed a problem, you see now if somebody wants a buy a costume of a certain anime character, there few clicks away. As the Anime and Manga community have grown, and every small town now seems to have at least one annual anime convention. The need and demand for quality and affordable costumes have grown and a market had created to meet that demand. It was not the same back then. At best you had small scale cottage industries of skilled seamstress and tailors turning out high-end costumes and props for those who could afford them. And to be frank with you, nobody drawing twenty-two dollars a week pocket money, the average allowance back then could ever hope to afford a complete set.
But like I said before, Daisy sewed his own costume. He also learned the basics of applying make-up. And come Halloween night he somehow managed to transform himself from a skinny, pale bookwork into strikingly cute anime heroin. We ragged him something hard though, it was all in good fun.
At least we thought it was good fun. I think he hated us for those teasing remarks, they were often cruel and sometimes we intended to cut him deep and wide and we did, adding to his troubles instead of decreasing them as we should have. Teenagers are cruel beings at there core it's only as we mature we lose some of that cruelty, others I’m afraid to keep it.
But as the appointed time drew near, we started to ease up on the teasing. Trick or Treating normally happens between the hours of sunset and full darkness. Sometimes a grace period of an hour or two is allowed. It was nearing dusk when Daisy returned from attending Mass. He had worn his Sailor Uranus cosplay to the service, for one to save time and two because he was quite proud of it. I don’t know what the priest thought of it at the time. He moved on to another parish after Daisy’s death.
Anyway, around nightfall, we all gathered and like the Fellowship of the Ring we set off on our quest for chocolate and candies. For hours on end, we covered block after city block, filling our plastic buckets to the brim with candy and tooth-rotting treats. Till at last split into two groups. Daisy was to take one group and cover one block of town and the other. We were to regroup in an hour or so and then head home.
I don’t know what happens next. Nobody does. But as Daisy and his band small band were crossing the wooden bridge that spanned Deer Creek, they were attacked by a group of thugs. The details of that battle, remain a mystery to us. We do know from the injuries reported by the three attackers and their own accounts the boy fought well.
I like to think, he fought like a lion, too many nights my mind has been plagued with fleeting visions of him being kicked and biting, fighting tooth and nail to buy his brothers and sisters precise minutes to escape. They told us, he told them to flee and find help. And at last, after what must have been a long, heroic struggle the trio ganged up on him and hammered him hard.
And this is where I enter the tale.
The children Daisy was shepherding ran up to me and told me of the fight. Acting quickly I handed the command of the scared flock over to my second and started toward the bridge. My heart was racing, part of me expected the worst, the other hoped for the best.
It took me fifteen minutes to reach the foot of the wooden bridge. Taking a deep breath, I started to make my way across. Halfway there, I spotted him. He was laying in a pool of blood. His face was swollen and his breathing was shallow. Quickly I rushed toward him. His eyes were dim, blood trickled out of his mouth. His fingers were bent, his hand was swollen. His fingers were wrapped tightly around a set of prayer beads.
I just stood there, my mind was blank, I was laying on his side. I reached over and rolled him over and recoiled in horror as I noticed his slide had been gashed open. Blood ran down his nose and his eyes seemed wide open in fear. A few feet from him there laid bare, naked knife, covered in blood. His blood or their blood, maybe both.
And there my little brother laid. I blanked out, I kind of went on autopilot for the next few days. The police came and recovered the body, a funeral Mass was held at Our Lady of Sorrow. And in a small, quiet section of the graveyard attached to the parish, he was entombed.
We were allowed to mourn for a few days, but life goes on. His room needed to be cleaned out, dusted and mopped. I and a few other girls volunteered for the task. It was easy going, he had little in the way of earthly treasures. Some we saved, some we donated, some we put into storage. We saved his Pokemon cards and badges, his journal and finally his well worn and read Bible. The Pokemon cards and badges we placed in the shrine room. The journal and bible we boxed up and stored away in the attic.
And there ends my account. I would end with this note. I flipped through his journal, there scribbled onto the pages of the notebook, I learned so much more about the boy's personal struggle, his battle with his inner demons, his hatred at staff at times for being passed over. His sorrow, and his sins, tears stung my eyes when I learned that the boy carried so much guilt, hate, and wormwood in his soul.
In the end, his great sin revealed to me. Locked away in the pages of his journal, written at a slant to the side was a note. A stray thought was written down on a whim.
The note read, “Through his Passion, our Lord brought for us serfs, freedom from the bondage of sin. He closed the door of death. And how with such grace, composer and reverence did he walk the flagstone streets of Jerusalem to his appointed death at Golgotha. May I too, walk with equal grace, composer and reverence this my own passion here, abandoned by friends, forsaken by the world, lonely and forgotten until I meet my own Golgotha.”
And I think he did. As I remember his broken and bruised body. One that took so much punishment, more punishment that anybody should take. For they broke several of his ribs and several fingers too. I’m forced to remember those old oil painting that showed Christ after his crucifixion. And that I believe is the handle on the thing. The reason behind his death. A young, lost and confused young boy, gave up his life to save a dozen or so children who only a day before teased him to death. And he did so out of love if heaven exists, then Daisy must have reached it. Maybe there he found the family he deserved on earth.
The End.
The Plymouth Renaissance Festival was one of the large Renaissance Fairs in Erehwon. Located in the district of Ashen the fair covered a area of roughly four hundred acres. The fair by local tradition and its founding charter always opened the weekend of Victoria Day and always closed by Labor Day.
The air was filled with the sounds and smells of a open air market. Vendors selling handcrafted goods stood by their stales and shouted at the top of there lungs at the people who passed them by. With polished oratory skills, they hawked and peddled there goods as people passed by there booths. The ringing and booming of hammers could be heard coming nearby Blacksmith's shop, from the row of food booths, the strong smell of garlic, black pepper, dill and the drippings from the roasting meats could be smelled.
James now dressed as Jane took a deep breath as she made her way down the wide, flagstone paved road that connected front gate with the main square, Plymouth Renaissance Festival was starting to remind her of the somewhat classic Legend of Zelda location of 'Hyrule Market' with its flagstone paved main walkways, its cobblestone paved back streets, the large fountain in the middle of the square flanked by building that had been built to mimic those built in Tudor England. Tall mullioned windows, high brick chimneys, jetted first floors above pillared porches with dormer windows, supported by consoles and the cherry on the verbal sundae many of the the building either had thatched roofs or roofs made of black slated. That look really rounded out many of the building and structures.
The sight of those building, plus the strong smell of horse manure, the bedlam of noises, the hawking of goods, really made Jane feel like she stepped back in time. She was no longer in the year two thousand and nineteen. But by her best guess, she seemed to have stepped back into the year sixteen hundred and twenty four maybe?
“You're looking cute.” A voice behind her said. The voice belonged to Dawn, who was dressed in a simple gown made of light cotton, simple leather slipped her feed from much of the muck and mire. Her long blonde hair was styled back in a nice, neat braid that was slung over her shoulder. A blue velvet drawstring purse hung around her wrist.
Jane blushed as she looked down at the outfit her two older sisters Katherine and Susan had picked out for her. The outfit was an simple, cotton dress that barely covered her kneecaps. The dress was also two-toned with the colors red and black blending in together. A diamond pattern covered the dress with some of the jewels being black and some of them being red. The dress was also form fitting and hugged her hourglass figure like a glove, it even gave her the false appearance of a budding chest. Long, white, woolen stocking provided a bit of modesty and a small degree of comfort. The slippers that covered her feet were likewise in the same pattern of red and and black mixed together. All in all, it was the classic court jester look, minus only the matching cap. Instead, her hair had been parted down the middle and styled in two fashionable pigtails.
“Thank you.” Jane said finally as she felt her cheek bones flush with color, “Your looking cute too.” Dawn was wearing the standard village women dress.
“So, like, we have just under thirty minutes or so before your show. Want to get a snack or something?” Dawn asked as she reached down and took Jane's hand into her own. She smiled as she peered down at the girl who less than a month ago had been a shy little boy. That shy little bow had now come her little sister.
Dawn had spent Jane's birthday week in St. Philomena Children's Hospital. The hospital was one of the major pediatric hospitals in the region. She had been infected with a nasty case of influenza B. One of the most common types of flu strains and one children and teens are the most susceptible to. Her case had been touch and go and more than once she swore she saw the fable 'Ghost Nurse' that suppose to dwell there. Anyway it was only two days after her released did she get the news that the sly little boy she had known as “James” had taken to calling himself “Jane” and skipping around the house dressed as a girl and oddly enough nobody seemed bothered by it.
The news still bothered her a little. Dawn had been born and raised in the largely French and predominantly Roman Catholic part of Erehwon. Before she came to the forest household at the age of eleven she had been mostly raised by a Roman Catholic order of nuns called 'The Sisters of Charity and Mercy'. Part of her upbringing among the sisters meant that been given a classic Catholic education. Beside the fundamentals of Math, Spelling, English, History and Science, she had also been schooled in Latin, Greek and Hebrew and on the side she had received a thorough grounding in the doctrine and canon of the Roman Catholic Church, she had also been confirmed and received her first communion there.
As such, she had been taught from the crib to view people like Jane has been having afflicted with some kind of mental illness. After all, there where only two genders right? That what scripture said anyway. Bringing her lips together, she started to think. She was even correct in considering Jane to be her little sister? She was still a boy for the most part.
“Hey, Dawn?” Jane said as she peered up at her.
“Sup?” dawn said as she peered down at Jane, she was a good taller than the girl.
Jane peered up and looked into Dawn eyes, both their eyes meet for a solid thirty seconds. The two orbs of blue connected, after a long minute that seemed to last forever it was Jane who finally broke the silence.
“You okay? You kind of went silent. Is something the matter?” Jane was somewhat aware that there were some older teens in the house that had been put off by her becoming Jane, none of them had been openly hostile toward her, but there had been a few that had given her a cold shoulder. That cold shoulder extended to wither she was being Jane or James, a few had even outright sent her to Coventry. Of course, that had only been a few of them and Jane had refused to let a few rotten apples ruin the whole barrel for her.
“Oh, its nothing sis. I was just thinking.” Dawns aid as she lifted her arm up and wrapped it around Jane's slender shoulder as she guided toward the food booths. The signboard above one read “St. George's Tavern” the script was in old English of course. In front of the counter one could find around a dozen wooden picnic tables. Standing behind counter and tending a oddly modern cash register was a women a women who was also dressed in period dress. Taking the orders and hanging them off to a man and another teen in the back was another women, she appeared to be around the same age as Dawn.
In the back one could see classical fair dishes being prepared. Fried fillets of locally caught or raised fish, plumb polish sausages, hot dogs and cheap cuts of stead that had been heavily marinaded were being grilled over charcoal fires. The pungent smell of fat dripping into the hot, gray coals below filled the air around. Along with the savory smell of garlic, pepper, salt and dill each adding there own special flavors and smells.
Dawn paused and peered down at Jane. She closed her eyes for a minute and took a deep breath, how could she hate somebody like Jane. Jane was such a sweet girl, like James had been a sweet boy. She closed her eyes as she started to remember that James had been among the only handful of boys that visited with a few of her sisters while she been confined in the hospital. He had visited her a day or so before his birthday, the birthday happen to be the day Jane was reveled to the world. She remembered that or should she say she, had even gone out and brought here a ice cold Coke-Cola and a small bag of her favorite chips from the snack vending machines in the hallway. And while that might not seem like a big deal. When you where confined to bed in a hospital, small things like a Coke and a bag of your favorite chips meant so much more. Yes, how could she even consider somebody like that suffering from a mental illness? It was like two parts of her were trying to fuse together o r at least come to terms. The side that been born in her first eleven years of her life by the Catholic nuns and the one that had been born when she came into the Forest House.
“Nothing much.” She said at last. She smiled and pulled the girl into a one arm hug. “I was just thinking that I'm like really blessed to have such a cool little sister, such as yourself.” She said with a smile that reached from one ear to the other. And there was a grain of truth to statement. Despite what others might say, she knew for fact that Jane or James had a heart of pure gold, after all, she had volunteered to have pudding and cream pies thrown at that pretty face for thirty minutes to support St. Philomena Children's Hospital. And that said a lot about her character right there.
Jane returned Dawns smile with one of her own as the two walked toward the food booth. She was not aware of the mental storm brewing inside Dawn's head. She only knew that Dawn was a pretty cool big sister, who was buying a snack and considering how much a penny pinching dawn was, and how expensive food at these type of fairs was, that said a lot.
Dawn smiled even larger as she watched the smile grown on Jane's face. No matter if she personally approved of Jane's decision, no matter what some priest or minster said, the girl or boy was still family and even if they were all foster children, they were still family and blood was thicker than water. Plus it was her time honored and testy duty to give her little sister at least one snack and one full size meal the the fair. Feeding the younger ones and buying them trinkets had always been the duty of the older brothers and sisters. Also there was something special about sitting down and sharing a meal with somebody. It was like going to Mass with somebody, it just bonded you in a way. And maybe, sharing a few meals with her new little sister would help her bridge that gap a little.