Time seemed to slow down, really it seemed to grind to a halt. As the minutes ticked by, the fever seemed to get worse, the pain in my belly grew more intense and small beads of sweat started to form on my forehead. Each time I opened my eyes the room started to spin around and around and around. And what worried me the most was in one of the chairs of the room there appeared a shadow. The shadow looked like me, we’ll a version of me before I started taking steps to become Jamie. No, this shadow was James, who was sitting there, legs crossed hands folded behind his head and his eyes, deep pools of fiery redness fixed firmly upon me.
“Hello, Jamie.” The shadow said. “Seems your not doing too good right now.” The shadow said grinning as it stood up and walked across the room. “Remember me, I’m you. Or you killed, you killed me, replaced me, tried to push me into the shadows. And now I’m back. Back to follow you and get my revenge.”
I tried to speak, but nothing came out, my throat was too dry to form words. The shadow only smirked as it peered down at me. As it peered down at me, it smiled and as it smiled I could see row upon row of white teeth that seemed to drip with dark red blood. The blood dripped down from the top of the mouth and ran down in red streams down the corners of the twisted smirk and finally down the chin.
“Jamie!” I broke the gaze of the shadow and peered in the doorway. In the doorway stood my sister. She was peering toward me. Slung over her shoulder was her backpack. She walked into the room, walked toward me, placed the backpack down upon the ground and reached out and placed her hand upon my cheek and then upon my head. “Girl you're burning up…” She muttered as she shifted her attention toward Ben. Who was still holding my hand?
“I’m freezing..” I muttered. As I tried to focus my eyes on Lily, “So, what did Robin say?” I said as I leaned back into the chair. It was crazy, one minute you feel like your soaking in melted lava, the next minute you feel your soaking in a tub of freezing cold water.
“Here,” Ben Said standing up and removing his jacket. He placed his jacket over my shoulders and started to button the buttons. It was like a make-shift blanket only it smelled like Ben, was fleece lined and oh did I mention it smelled like Ben, that was a total bonus.
Lily blinked and blinked again as she watched Ben remove his coat and place it around me. She offered him a small smile before turning toward me. She swallowed hard and kneeled down. She took my hands into hers and peered into my eyes. It was like she was trying to break some bad news to me.
“She said.. Listen don’t take this the wrong way sister. Cause this might come across as hitting below the belt. And I’m sure once she sits down and talks with you, she’ll be totally cool with having you help us.” She said placing her hands into mine. “Man your hands are like ice..”
I learned in, out of the corner of my eye I could see the shadow again. It was peering at me, smirking at me, from its mouth I could see a long, back tong sticking out between the rows of sharp white teeth that were still dripping with blood. The sight of those teeth made me want to throw up, I would have too if I felt throwing up would not do more harm than good.
“She said No, I’m afraid. She said having one helper might be more than we can handle.” She said with a sigh.
I sniffed and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Lily reached up and cleared the tear away, a small smile formed on Lily face as she squeezed my hand and nuzzled her cheeks into them, I think she was trying to transfer some of her body heat into me.
“But listen, we're not going to open till Eastertide. It's only All Soul’s Day. Something bound to happen to change her mind between now and then. Let me talk to her, let her talk to you. Let her see what kind of women you can become. Okay, now, let's just get you better.”
At the time, a man and a woman entered the room. Both were dressed in what I’ll call, heck I don’t know what you’ll call it. boots, form-fitting pants. Long sleeve shirts. Both had boxes in their hand. The women, who kind of reminded me of the tough rocker chicks you see on MTV Music Video’s was the first one to speak.
“Hey, I’m looking for a Jamie Potter..” She said addressing the room as she reached down pulled out a pair of plastic blue gloves from her pocket and snapped them on.
“She here!” Called Ben and Lily together. The women nodded her head and walked over to me, she kneeled down and peered into my eyes. I tried to smile, but let's be real, it's hard to smile when your brain feels like its being boiled like a peanut.
“Hey,” I said taking a deep breath.
“Hey, I’m Marie and this is my partner Jack, where paramedics. Right now, I need you to stand up, Jack going to bring in a stretcher, we need you to lay down on the stretcher and be very still while we buckle you up. Once you're buckled up, we're going to wheel you out and load you up. Okay?”
I nodded my head.
“Once you're loaded up, we're going to take you to the E.R of King’s Daughters Hospital. They have an exam room already set up for you. Then depending on what they say, your either going home to rest and recover or maybe Jack and I will take you to Jackson. Anyway, you're in good hands hon.”
I nodded my head again, to show my understanding.
What happens then, seemed to pass in almost a blur. I remember being helped down, Mari and Jack helped me onto the stretcher, I was strapped down and then pushed out into the hallway. Both sides of the hallway where filled to the brim with students and teachers alike. Jack was in front and Mari was in back, following Mari was Ben and Lily. As we made our way down the hallway, I noticed some students signed themselves with the cross as I passed them, others just stood there scowling. The few Catholic’s among us, where holding their Rosaries in their hands. One girl, a blonde hair one rushed up and placed hers in my hand, she then patted it and returned to her collection of friends.
I smiled at the jester. And yes, that shadow from before was floating along with us. Thankfully it said nothing, but its menacing grin still peered down at me.
The two paramedics then wheeled me out of the school and into the back of the waiting ambulance. Marie climbed in back with me, and Jack climbed into the driver's side. Before the doors where closed, I looked up and saw Lily standing upon the school common. Ben was standing beside her, I gave them both a smile and offered a little wave, the door was then closed and the ambulance drove away.
“They're not going to miss you. You heard what your sister said. Her best friend thinks your not good enough to help them with that little maid café. Once you're gone, she’ll be free. And Ben will be free, your mom and dad will be free, everybody will be better off..” The shadow whispered into my ear.
“SHUT UP!” I screamed as I wrapped my fingers around the prayer beads. “Would you shut the fuck up!” I cried again. “Cause I’m honestly getting tired of your shit!” I tried to sound brave and fearsome, but the last remark had brought tears running down my cheeks. The salty tears were choking me as they ran down from my eyes, down my burning cheeks, and into my mouth.
“… something bothering you hon?” Marie said as she looked over at me.
I groaned and closed my eyes, the shadow only stood there smiling, smirking, laughing almost. Today had gone from bad to worst…
You could almost cut the tension in the room with a butter knife. The last hour and a half had been the most intense, soul-crushing, mind-numbing one of my life. Once I had arrived, I had found myself surrounded by nurses and more than a few doctors. The doctors and nurses wasted no time in rushing me back to the exam rooms. And they wasted no time in drawing blood, X-Ray’s were ordered and they finally poked an IV tube in my arm. And they started me on drips. I don’t really know, once the IV was put in, everything became quite sluggish.
I just know I was along, save for that damn shadow that was still hanging around the corner of the ward. Every few seconds it would peer toward me, hiss at me, menace me and just generally peer at me. I wanted to close my eyes and maybe snatch some forty winks, but that damn, bloody shadow always seemed to move a half inch closer every time I closed my eyes. And I was quite afraid of what the thing would do once it reached me.
Finally, I could take it no longer, being along, with only that shadow to keep me company and the smell of blood, roasted flesh, and screams and coming over from the other wards, we’ll all those started to wither down the last few remaining ounces of my sanity. It seemed there was a huge, three car pile-up out on the highway. And as a result, the tiny rural clinic had been flooded with a rush of new bodies. Some of those had been reported D.O.R, I don’t know the details, but what I could gather from the whispered, hurried snippets of conversation the nurses, doctors and other medical staff exchanged as the hurried by the thin curtain that separated me from that gore fest outside.
Finally, after an hour and a quarter the doctor returned and taking a deep breath he looked down at me and in a tired, defeated tone of voice said.
“So, Jamie, I got some news for you. For one, we’ve found out what wrong with you. Your appendix are inflamed and we’ll where be going to remove them. Now, I’ve called your folks, there on there way. As you can guess, there was a pretty big pileup on the highway. And traffic was blocked for miles coming and going. Normally, I’ll say let's wait till they're here. But, right now we can’t wait. So, I’m going to go ahead and send you to Jackson, I’ve called ahead and MMC is getting ready for you.”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and slowly started to nod my head. So say I was scared was an understatement. I was scared out of my mind, but the doctor seemed sure of himself. Using the last remains of strength I reached up and made the sign of the cross over myself. As I crossed myself, I whispered a prayer under my breath. The doctor blinked and tilted his head to the side.
“By chance, are you Catholic?” He asked once I had finished crossing myself.
“Episcopal..” I said closing my eyes.
“Okay, I guess I could call Rev. Brown over here..” He said shrugging his shoulders. Just then the door to my room was pushed open and in the doorway stood Jack and Marie, the two from before. They quickly moved passed the doctor moved to my side. Once they where by my side they hoisted me up and placed me back down on the rolling stretcher.
Once I was laying down, they strapped me down and lifted me up and rolled me out of the door and into the hallway. The hallway was filled with the smell of blood, vomit, and body fluids. The smells played havoc with my mind and caused me to groan louder and caused the vile at the back of my throat to grow more intense with each passing second.
“Wait!” A sudden voice called out. The voice belonged to a boy, a boy who seemed quite out of breath. “PLEASE WAIT! I NEED TO SEE HER. PLEASE HOLD ON A MINUTE.”
Everybody paused and from down the hallway came Ben, he was rushing toward us. His face was redder than an apple and his chest was rising and falling with each step he took. Sweat was dripping off his forehead and down his nose. His shirt was out, and unbutton all the way down.
“Ben.,” I said blinking as I peered toward him. “Ben.,” I said reaching out to take hold of his hand.
“Jamie!” He said rushing to my side as he reached over and took me by the hand and leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. I blinked and allowed the waves of pleasure to wash over me as I felt his tongue entering into my mouth. I felt a sudden spark of excitement flood my body as are two tongues connected.
“Jamie, please don’t die, please you can’t die.” He said as he broke the kiss and peered down at me, he reached up and started to stroke my hair. The nurses and doctors paused and peered toward us, somewhere blushing, others where gushing. Finally, a man in a blue uniform walked over and tapped Ben on the shoulder. He nodded his head and released my hand and broke away.
“Jamie, I love you. Please, please don’t you die on me..”
“Ben…” I said reached up to stroke his chin. And then fitting enough, snow started to fall. As the first few flakes of snow fell down on me, I felt a small sense of peace growing at the back of my mind. Maybe it was the drugs, or maybe it was God, I don’t know. I just smiled as they loaded me up in the back and closed the doors. Just as the doors where closing, mom, dad, and Lily finally showed up. After a few minutes of debating among themselves, mom decided to ride with me to the place of doom and gloom. Dad decided to stay with Lily who was looking white as a ghost. Once I was loaded up, I offered them a little wave through the back viewing window and we pulled away.
As we pulled away, I watched them huddle around each other. I closed my eyes, I intended to get some sleep at last, but I felt something touch my arm. My eyes shot open and there standing at the foot of the stretcher was the shadow. The shadow was larger now and slowly it leaned over me and in a harsh tone of voice, it whispered to me.
“They're going to kill you.” It said in a cackling tone of voice. “They're going to cut you up, that all it takes,” The shadow grinned as it reached down and started to trace my belly with its long fingernails. “One slip of the knife, or one thrust.” He pushed his fingers down into my belly, a sharp pain flooded through my body and caused me to groan and shutter and cough as I rolled over. Much to the alarm of Mari.
“And you’ll be gone, and then you will join me in HELL!” The shadow cackled as it started to fade away. Salty tears started to run down my cheeks as I watched the shadow vanish into the darkness. “You go to hell!” I yelled. Mari at this point was reaching into her medical kit. She pulled out something, a shot of some kind. She then gently placed the needle into my arm and pressed down on the pump. I don’t remember what happened then. Only I felt my eyes becoming heavy and soon I fell into a dreamless sleep.
The wind was blowing hard, harder than before and small flakes of snow were starting to fall down from the sky. The sky above me was gray and cloudy and my whole body felt numb and small flecks of snow were falling down upon me. The door of the ambulance had just opened and I had been awoken from my sleep by the blinding light. My whole mind was numb too.
I felt the gurney being lifted up and rolled out of the doors, a cold gust of wind smacked me hard in the face. The wind sent a chill down the spine of my back. The parking lot was filled with ambulances, and as soon as I was unloaded I was rushed through the sliding doors of the hospital. The ride from Benton to Jackson must have taken less than twenty minutes, but it felt like years. In those twenty minutes I had done everything in my power to keep from freaking out. I wanted my mom, I wanted my sister, I wanted my dad and I really wanted my boyfriend. I wanted my family.
“I don't want to die.” I said as I closed my eyes and opened them again. Nobody seemed to notice me, they just kept pushing me down this long hallway. I was no longer afraid, I was no longer scared, I just wanted it to end. I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to become a waitress at the little café my sister was going to open. I wanted to live my life as Jamie, free of emotional baggage that had kept James down. I wanted to scream out and yell it out. But when I opened my mouth, the only thing I could say was. “I don't want to die here..” And nobody was around to hear me.
I closed my eyes and opened them again. I was surrounded by nurses and doctors. A sea of green scrubs surrounded me, all them poking me with long needles. And then he returned standing behind the nurses and doctors was that damn shadow. Only this time it was not a shadow, but a darker, more sister version of past self.
“Don't worry Jamie.” He hissed as he moved through the nurses and doctors. “Death is painless. I promise, you're not going to feel a thing. We'll be the dying part you're not going to feel. No, the pain killers and the drugs will ease your passing. You'll be like little Alice, falling down a rabbit hole, only when you land, you'll be in Hell instead of Wonderland, and instead of colorful, friendly cartoon characters to greet you, there will be only demons and devils.”
I blinked and to my horror the thing started to move a little closer to me. It then stopped and looked down over the railing of the gurney at me. I could feel his eyes looking down at me. He then moved a little closer and then a little closer till he was only a few inches from my face. I could smell its breath fire and ash.
“Then we are going to torture you forever. You will live a thousand lives and you will be killed in each one. No prayers will save you, God will not send his angels to defend you. The collection of saints, mystics and holy women you pray too will never hear your prayers. All your prayers will fall on deaf ears. And you will suffer, you will suffer so much.” He whispered as he leaned down. I could feel his breath on my neck. My whole back stiffened up and I closed my eyes and prayed for the image to leave me. After what seemed like forever and a day I slowly opened them again. And to my horror there he stood.
“St. Joan will defend me..” I whispered a little as I reached up and touched the small saint medal that hung from around my neck. “The Maid of Orleans will defend me, she will save me.” I said in trying to sound braver than I felt. I mean, it was clear I was facing something demonic. I mean what a time to face a demon, minutes before going under and nothing to defend myself with but my wits.
“Where is the fable 'Maid of Orleans'?” He said standing up and looking around himself. He looked to his left and then he looked to his right. “I don't see her, could it be she still tied to that stake and still getting burned alive. Would you like that Jamie? To be burned alive at the stake like your favorite saint. To be sold out to the people you saved to the enemy? I can make that happen if you wish.”
Then I remembered something a prayer an old priest had taught me. The words came rushing out of my lips, I'm not sure how I managed to say them. The fever was getting hold of me, and the pain in my side was causing me to see double of everything including that damn shadow version of myself.
“St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.” I said, in a shouting tone of voice that caused all heads to turn me. I had lifted myself up and had taken hold of the shirt the shadow was wearing. Those words I had spat into his ash covered face.
The shadow started to back away.
“You will be asleep soon..” He said in a menacing tone of voice. “You will be in my world soon. Then we will see how strong your faith is. Then we will see the true measure of your strength. I will show you the true power of the demonic. Your battling forces your puny little mind can never fully understand. And in the end, you are nothing but a scared boy. Who decided life might be better as a girl. But true me when I say this James. I will see you in HELL. I'll drag you personally before the throne of my master, naked, whipped, whipped raw!” He bellowed. “And my master will make you his bitch.”
And with that he retreated into the shadows. What happened then was the nurses dragged me into a room. Once I was there a blonde hair nurse wearing green scrubs appeared beside me. The nurse was pushing a trolley that had a number of medical tools sitting upon the surface.
“Hey, Jamie.” She said smiling. “I'm Holly and I'm going to be your anesthesiologist today. Now that a pretty big word, but just remember I'm the person who's to put you asleep and wake you back up once you've had you operation.” She said in a soothing tone of voice. “Now before I put you asleep, is there anything you want to say or do something.”
“I want to see a priest..” I said. “Like right now..”
The woman blinked.
“I demand to have to have my last rites..” I said firmly. I knew what awaited me when I went to sleep. I knew what would happen. And somehow at that moment in time I could see past the pain, past the emotional turmoil and past the fear and dread that was nipping at my heels since this morning.
“Okay,” She said, blinking as she started to back up. “We have a priest on duty. I'll go find him.” And with that she left the room. A few minutes passed before Holy returned with a man who seemed no older than my dad. The fellow had short brown hair and odd colored eyes, I want to say they were reddish but they looked more pink. The man was dressed in a black button down shirt, black trousers that were held up by a black leather belt. And finally a white clerical collar and a small silver cross completed the outfit. The priest walked toward the side of my bed and took a seat. His pink eyes seemed to sparkle.
“Hello, my name is Percival Bell. I am an Episcopal priest.” He said in a measured tone of voice. “Is it true that you wish to have last rites prayed over you?” He added, again the way he talked made it seem like he was dragging the words out of his mouth. He had that old southern charm about him. It's hard to explain to an outsider, but I could tell from his accent he came from the upper rungs of society.
“Yes Father.” I said laying back down.
He nodded his head and reached his hand out. His hand was cold as ice water. I took a deep breath the minute I felt his hand touching my forehead and then in the same measured pattern of speaking he said.
“Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.” He said in a powerful, commanding tone of voice and then he softy traced the sign of the cross in my forehead.
“May I ask your name young lady?” He asked.
“Jamie Sarah Potter..” I said quickly.
“I will be praying for you.” And with that being said he stood up and walked out of the room. Holly then put me asleep like she promised. My eyes grew heavy and I started to nod off. A group of nurses started to surround me, they started pushing me out of the room and into the hallway. I heard my mom and dad say something, it seemed they had just arrived at the hospital. I heard Lily too.
The hallway was filled with cartoon murals. And while those murals were supposed to be soothing and calming and a bit fun. The fever burning my brain had cast a dark shadow. And then I fell into a deep sleep. One that had me dreaming that I was falling through an darken hole, and as I feel I heard the mocking voices of all my loved ones, and most frightening of all they sounded so real I thought I was hearing them, I heard Lily's voice, a voice that had been supportive and comforting become mocking and teasing, I heard my mothers voice become scolding and condescending and my father's voice who had always been gentle and firm became hard and loud. I felt like I was falling into hell.
I found myself standing in the middle of a field or maybe it was a meadow. I could hear the babbling of a nearby brook. The soothing sound of water running over stones put me at ease. The buzzing of big fat bumble bees from one flower to another added its own charm. The sky was a deep blue color. A very peaceful blue. The whole area was surrounded by trees, huge fir and pine trees that reached high into the sky. Past the line of trees, I could clearly see snow capped mountains and beyond that I felt there must have been tiny little settlements. Old world style villages with cobblestone paved streets that were lined with mom and pop owned stores. No doubt in the center of everything was a fountain that spewed clear, cold, refreshing water.
Then it happened. In the blink of an eye all of this beauty vanished. The green grass, the wild flowers and trees vanished before my eyes. The earth became gray and black and smelled of ash. The trees now seemed to be on fire and burning brightly like torches. The sky had changed from a peaceful soothing blue color to red, gray and dark.
And those snow capped mountains, they became volcanoes that spewed rivers of orange and red lava, huge pillowing clouds of black smoke, and a fine rain of ash and hot cinders. And beyond those mountains of fire and ash, I fear laid the ruined remains of those little settlements. The houses abandoned and broken, the streets littered with the withered remains of villagers, and the fountains bone dry. I felt like I had been allowed to view heaven for a few seconds before the almighty had decided to throw me into the pit of hell. Because this must have been hell.
“Welcome Jamie.” A voice said from across the field. “I've been expecting you. Welcome to hell. Here go the souls of all good sinners. And people like you.” The voice echoed across the field. The voice had a mocking, teasing tone to it. The kind of voice that made your blood boil.
I stood there and said nothing.
“Silent as the grave.” The voice said. “Or are you brooding? Brooding because nobody wants you, or because you finally understand that your whole life has been nothing more than a waste of time and money. Born a boy, but played with dolls instead of toy soldiers. Born a boy, but always depended on your older sister to bail you out of trouble. A horrible boy, a weak boy. Who decided that life would be better if you were a girl. But you sucked at being a girl too. Heck even your older sister.. kind of washed her hands of you.”
Again I said nothing.
“Silence?” The voice said again and then the source of the voice appeared. The shadow, the mocking shadow of my former self appeared before me. I knew this was coming. The shadow walked up to me, and poked its fingers into my budding chest. “What wrong? Cat got your tongue? Or is the truth too much of a bitter pill for you to swallow?”
“Courage of Saint Catherine, who will never run from battle. The sword of Saint Michael the defender of the weak and powerless. And the blood of Saint George, that slew the dragon. These were the gifts given to me by my patron saint. Saint Joan of Arc.” I said, smirking.
And then it happened. Like something straight out of an anime. I felt a sudden surge of power come over me. My hospital gown became something of a loose yet form fitting blouse. Over the blouse there appeared a coat of chain mail that glimmered like silver and over the chain mail appeared a breastplate of silver. A pleated blue skirt appeared at the bottom of the breastplate. White stocking and brown shoes. And then in my hand appeared a sword that gleamed like polished silver.
“So.” The voice said. “You do have some fight left in you. You know, you look like some reject from some anime than a warrior. But since you want to play, I'll play. Just make it worth my time.” He said snickering as he reached down with his open palm. Swirls of dark clouds started to gather in the open palm of his hand. Those same dark clouds started to gather around him. And soon they had cloaked him from the top of his head down to the very bottom of his toes. Then there was a blinding flash of violet light that pierced my eyes and for a moment stunned me.
Slowly as the light started to fade, I noticed that the shadow self standing in front of me had undergone a transformation. Now he was dressed like me, only with trousers instead of a skirt. Black and purple flames danced around his sword and his eyes seemed almost on fire. They had gone from a murky blue color to a horrible red and orange color. And then it happened, we clashed.
I don't remember how it started. I don't know if I charged him, or if he charged me, but are blades crossed. The sound of sword meeting swords echoed across the field. I would attack and he would reflect my blows, he would attack and I would reflect. It was like we were dancing, a horrible dance that would end with one of us getting killed by the other. And that was the whole point of the struggle right? I wanted to kill this shadow standing before me, that what you do in battle right, you try to kill the other guy before he kills you. But what happens when you're trying to kill a part of yourself?
The battle raged all across that field, neither I or the shadow gave one inch of ground. Time to time one of us would get lucky and land a blow on the other. Soon both he and I were covered in cuts, and before long both of us had been worn down to nothing. Droplets of blood splashed down on the ground in front of me, the droplets of blood came from the many wounds the shadow inflicted on me, and on the shadow droplets of what appeared to be black tar dropped down from the many wounds I had inflicted upon him.
And so there we stood, peering at each other, chest rising and falling in unionism. Both of us were breathing pretty heavy and the shadow seemed to have plenty of fight left in him. I on the other hand was starting to feel the effects of my wounds, while I was aware that I might be dreaming, I was also aware that dying in a dream was pretty messed up. But then again.. was this really a dream? Was I really dreaming? I mean as far as I know, I could be laying dead on the operating table right now and the nurses were just about to pull the sheet over my head.
“Something troubling you?” The shadow called out as he drew in another deep breath. “Because you stopped the waltz.” He added as he closed his eyes and breathed out a heavy sigh. “It's rude you know, to stop a waltz.”
“You talk a lot of shit.” I responded.
“I'm you.” He responded. “And now I'm going to do to you what you did to me!” He called as he seemed to gather up his last few ounces of remaining strength His eyes became blazing balls of fire once more. And it seemed the time was at hand to finish this fight.
“I'm about to kill you, Jamie Sarah Potter.” The shadow said in a menacing tone of voice. “I'm going to kill you in the dream world, then drag your remains down into hell. I'm going to drag you by your hair, before the throne of my master. Your soul is damned to the fires of hell, and nobody going to miss you.” He paused.
“Any final words? Any last words before I drive my sword sixteen inches through that bony body of yours?”
“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.” I chanted. As somebody who had been raised on the high side of the Anglican faith. I was use to chanting my prayers. And the prayer just fit. I think eighteen maybe nineteen hours had passed since this twisted adventure began. Okay it was more like a rollercoaster.
“Praying again? I fail to see the point in you praying at all. Again, I ask you, where is your God? Where are these supposed armies of saints and handmaidens that pray without ceasing around the throne? I see only a broke, bleeding doll. A clay pot that is about to be shattered. You are dust Jamie Sarah Potter, and to dust you shall return.” He bellowed as he tighten his grip on the hilt of his sword.
And then it was over. It happened all to the fast, I remember sprinting toward the shadow, I caught him off guard and drove my blade deep into his chest. I drove the sword to the hilt. And to my horror I felt him driving his own blade into my chest as well. Our blood mingled and spilled on the ground together. Then we dropped together. My eyes grew heavy as my warm blood gushed forth and soaked into the blackened earth I was standing on. And the shadow slowly vanished, he became like dust and a sudden powerful gust of wind scattered the dust to the four corners of the earth.
And for the first time that day I allowed myself to smile. I had defeated the shadow.. and that all that mattered. And slowly as my eyes closed, I allowed myself to shed one final tear. This I thought was the end of me. Something told me my life was about to come to an end, and I was about to move from one world to the other. Maybe this battle had been my travels through purgatory and maybe I'll once more see those green meadows, those beautiful snow capped mountains and play in those clear running streams and brooks.
“Good-bye..” I said smiling softly. “Good-bye Ben, I'm going to miss you. It was so fun being your girlfriend when I had the chance. Don't mourn for me too long, find that special girl and start a family. Good-bye mom and dad, thank you for accepting me and giving me something special to hold on too. Good-bye Lily... I hope you and Robin find successes with your bakery business. I would have loved to help.. to maybe prance around in a cute maid costume.. but I guess, I guess I won't have that chance.” I felt myself choking on my own blood. I could feel it now, the last few ounces of sand pouring out of my hourglass. And with that I closed my eyes. Unsure what would happen when I opened them again.
I found myself floating. Floating through the air, floating through space, time had no meaning, there was no beginning or ending through the realm I floated through. My body felt light as a feather. Then I felt my toes touch something. I looked down and noticed I was standing on some green grass. I looked up and noticed the sky was blue. I had gone from floating from nothingness to standing on earth again. Then I noticed it. Before me a massive gate with a fence running as far as the eye could see in both directions. The bars of the gate glowed in the sun.
At first I was a tad bit confused. I've never seen a gate that massive before. And also, the whole thing seemed to be made of solid gold. Beyond the gate, I could see massive mountains with their peeks capped in snow, snow as white and pure as you could wish for and pretty as a picture. I could smell fruit too, it must have been thousands of fruit trees behind that gate.
And sitting by the gate there stood a fellow with a bit of a beard. He was dressed in an old fashion suit and was leaning over a wooden podium with an open book in front of him. He noticed me standing there, blinking. He cleared his throat and reached into his jacket. He pulled out a small leather case, opened the case and pulled out an old fashioned pair of glasses.
“Hello.” He said blinking as he looked down at his book. “Hello there Miss. Potter. You're a bit early, we were not expecting you for another seventy or eighty years. But since you're here, I suppose you could come on through if you want. Your name in the book after all.”
I blinked.
“Pardon me, but could you please tell me what going?” I said tilting my head. “I've gone through quite a lot today. First I was at school, then I was at King Daughters, and then I was one of the major hospitals. I think Mississippi Medical Center or something. Then I received last rites from an Episcopalian Priest named Percy Bell, then I went under. Then I fought a battle with a shadow.” I was aware that I was babbling but none of it made a lick of sense to me. I felt like Alice who had chased the white rabbit and had fallen down the rabbit hole and instead of arriving in wonderland, I had arrived in hell.
“That is correct. Ms. Potter. You have been through a lot. You passed through the Church Militant, Penitent and Triumphant of the church. And now you stand before the gates of heaven. You could enter through these gates, and get a new pair of wings. Or you could return to earth and live out the rest of your eighty or something remaining years you have.” He paused. “The choice is yours and yours along.”
Jamie blinked and blinked again.
“So, if I'm understanding all of this correctly. I can either go through that gate and enter into Heaven. Or I can just turn around and walk away and I'll return to Earth as if I'll wake up in maybe a hospital bed or my bed or something?” I asked as I looked over my shoulders.
“That is correct.” The man said. “I take it you've made up your mind then?” He said, raising an eyebrow.
“I think I want to return to Earth to my old life.” She said looking over her shoulder.
“Again the choice is yours. But I think you’re making the right choice. Not to spoil anything. But your life is now just getting started. It is not going to be an easy road for you. It's not going to be an easy life for you. But it's going to be a life filled with riches and rewards.” He said, winking.
“Before I go..” I said blinking. The man's words struck me and kind of threw me for a mental loop.
“My name is Peter. I'm the gatekeeper here.”
And with that everything seemed to slowly vanish and I once more felt myself floating through the air. As I floated, I started to close my eyes and before I could catch myself, I found myself drifting all to sleep. It was a peaceful sleep, and before long I felt this strange feeling. It was like I was returning to something, like I was stepping into my old room, that strange feeling of coming home. I think my soul was returning to my body.
I slowly opened my eyes and noticed bright, yellow bars of sunlight breaking through the blinds of the hospital window. I took a deep breath and closed them again and after maybe thirty seconds I opened them again. The room was dark, slowly I turned my head to the side. A small digital clock sitting on the stand next to the hospital bed told me it was one in the afternoon. Then I noticed a dozen or so cards surrounded the small clock.
Small stuffed animals and trinkets also dotted the table. All seemed to be surrounded by a small glass vase that held three blue roses, my favorite kind of rose. I blinked and turned my head to the other side of the room. A IV pole was placed next to the bed along with some machine, there seemed to be quite many machines, all beeping and making machine-like noises. I drew in another breath and forced myself to sit up a bit.
Then in the doorway I noticed a nurse, the nurse blinked and blinked again. Quickly she darted out of the doorway, at first I was a bit confused, but she returned a few minutes later. My mother, father and older sister followed closely behind the nurse. Bringing up the rear was Ben and the girl around Lily's age. All of them flooded into the room. My mother was the first to speak.
“Thank God.” My mother said as she rushed toward the railing of the bed. “We've been worried sick about you girl. You gave us a scare..” She said as she reached over the railing of the bed and pulled me close to her. “The hospital only called us once you were loaded up. You were already going under when we arrived. Jamie there was some trouble with your operation. They waited a little too late, and..” Mom was near tears.
“None of that now.” My father said appearing over her shoulders. “You're awake now, and that's all that matters.” He paused and looked down.
I then noticed something, my father looked tired, his eyes were glazed over, his face was dotted with hairs. The front of his shirt was stained with small spots of coffee. “Thank God you're awake..” He said, reaching down and stroking my chin with the back of his hand. “I was afraid I might lose you. We all were afraid.”
“She finally woke up?!” Cried Lily as she rushed to the railing. “Oh Thank you God!” She cried out as she turned toward the young woman who was standing beside her. “Robin! Thank you! Thank you so much for all those prayers. I was a little wary, at first you know, when you suggest I pray the Rosary.. never mind it worked!”
“So,” Robin said, peering down at me. “This is your little sister.” She said smiling softly.
“Yep, and I almost lost her..” Lily said showing more emotional concern for my well being and general health than she has ever shown in my brief fourteen or so years. “The whole school was so worried about you too. I mean, really worried. Even Linda.. even Linda sent me a message on Facebook asking about you.”
The last one made me pause. My first impression of Linda was one of a girl who thought herself better than the rest. One who considered herself to be queen of the school and the rest of us were nothing but worms under her feet. Worms she could crush at a minutes notice. But that was the old Linda it seemed.
But according to rumors and a friend of the families. Since Linda had been removed from her toxic household and placed in the care of the Bell's she had started to lose a bit of that toxic edge. She and Lily were even talking again. And much to my surprise she was expressing remorse. It seemed she was still troubled by the way she acted out at homecoming.
“Anyway.” Robin said, clearing her throat. “I owe you an apology Jamie. I kind of jumped around a bit.” She paused. “You're Lily's little sister, and I want our business to be a family business. Madeline's kind of my little sister so I extended an invite to her without considering Lily. That was quite wrong of me.” She paused again. “What I'm trying to say is, if you still want to, I would love to have you. Maybe you and Madeline could work together. Lily told me, you're one heck of a wiz in the kitchen. And I would love to taste some of your cooking sometimes.”
“Does that mean?” I asked. My mind was still fuzzy from the drugs being pumped into me.
“It means.” Lily said piping in. “That we'll like to have you working at the cafe with us. Both of us agreed it would be good for you”
I nodded my head.
“Anyway.” The nurse butted in. Her voice was clear and commanding a left little room for debating or maneuvering. “While I'm positive all of you are relieved that Jamie's awake and doing fine. I must remind you she is still recuperating from her operation. With that in mind she needs her rest. Visiting hours are over for now.” And with that she started to usher the crowd that had gathered around the bed.
I noticed Ben looked a little crestfallen. Quickly I lifted myself up. “Nurse!” I cried out. “Can.. My boyfriend will stay for a few more minutes.. please?” I asked. I did my best to give the nurse a puppy dog look. I had over the course of the last few months found out I could charm anybody by giving them a wounded puppy dog look with my baby blue eyes.
The nurse sighed and rolled her eyes.
“Aright five more minutes. I'll be counting, and don't try anything you two.” And with that she walked out of the room.
“I was so worried about you.” Ben was the first to speak. He quickly reached down and pulled up a chair. “When I saw you being loaded up. I felt my heart just breaking you know.” He quickly added. “Its been rough on everybody. I kind of rode with your dad over here.. and we got here like a few minutes after they put you asleep.”
I wanted to say something. But something told me it would be best just to sit and listen for a bit.
“I suppose nobody told you. But something happened on the operating table. We don't know what, but your heart just stopped beating all of a sudden. And it was horrible, we thought we were going to lose you. Heck we did lose you for twenty minutes. Then you just came back. They finished the operation and kept you hooked up to life support..” Tears were starting to form at the edge of his eyes.
“I know we've only dated for a few short weeks, but Jamie, I really love you. You mean the world to me. And if I lost you..” He paused. “I don't know what I would have done.”
“I'm better.” I said smiling and then much to my surprise he bent over and kissed me full on the lips. I saw fireworks as I felt his tongue slip into my mouth and my tongue into his. Our tongues touched and pure pleasure flooded my body. I'm not sure how long we kissed, but it seemed like forever. I doubt we would have never stopped kissing if the nurse had not returned and cleared her throat in a loud manner.
“Okay you two.” That's enough.
We quickly broke apart. A deep blush colored Ben's high cheekbones and another blush colored mine.
“I believe your party is waiting for the young man.” The nurse said peering toward Ben.
“Okay.” Ben said smiling,
“See you later Jamie.. Get better, now.” Ben said as he looked over his shoulders and gave me a wink that set my heart ablaze. The glare the nurse was giving me was enough to cool the warm blood running through my body. Kissing Ben had awoken something deep within me. Something primitive and lustful. To think I came inches from missing that feeling of pure adrenaline and desire rushing through me was mind blowing.
“Ms. Potter.” The nurse said in a scolding, condescending manner. “I would not get too carried away, we have a ghost on this floor. The ghost of a nurse who helps us nurses keep order and keep naughty teenagers in check.” She said as she turned upon her heel and walked out of the room. She turned around and looked me dead in the eye. “So I advise you to follow the rules and try to keep that tongue of yours in your mouth. Unless you want a midnight visit from our phantom friend.”
And with that one of the strangest chapters of my life came to an end.