Synopsis: For those who enjoyed Allison's Pledge, I'm posting a story that I wrote some time ago which you should enjoy. It's much darker but follows the sorority theme. Finally, note that like AP, it starts with a trope, but as you learned with the last story, my tropes go pretty sideways after the first chapter. Same applies here. Enjoy!

“Okay.” I looked up in the direction of the voice. A tiny girl towered over me, dressed in a pair of leggings, layered casually beneath a hot pink hoodie with sleeves rolled up to expose fawn-colored forearms. “So, here’s the deal. You broke into our house and perved it up with our clothes. You look cute in that dress and all, but yeah, not having it.”

I was tired from struggling against the ropes that snaked around my wrists; I wasn’t even sure how she’d managed to get them on me as she moved so damn fast. All I could do was look at her from the corner of my eye as I lay on her floor, forced by her knots into a fetal position that was cramping my legs. I tried to stretch my fatigued muscles, but the motion only tightened the ropes that wound tightly around my arms.

“You like my knot work?” She asked, brushing wavy black tendrils of hair away from her face as she squatted down and patted my bulging mouth, where her makeshift gag was keeping my objections locked away. “I’ve got your phone here, and guess what? Your password is 1234 – are you an idiot? Oh RIGHT, you broke into GAT – the toughest sorority on campus and decided to be a pervert! You probably are at least some kind of stupid.”

I closed my eyes and tried to make myself small, or invisible, maybe even will myself away into another dimension. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough, I would open my eyes again and I’d be laying on my own bed, back in my dorm.

“Hey!” She said, patting the side of my face until I finally opened my eyes and came back to reality, just to be greeted by her stare. “I don’t want you sleeping through this. I’m going away now, and I’m going to go through this phone, copy all of your contacts, and then I’m going to ruin your life. Got plenty of pictures of you in that dress, should I send them to your mom first? No wait – your girlfriend? Aren’t you dating Chastity? Isn’t she majoring in bio-chem? Yeah, she’s in my next class, actually. She’d probably want to see what her boyfriend does in his free time.”

I screamed. Or at least, I tried to scream. It came out as more of a grunt, stopped almost entirely by the filthy, balled up sock jammed just behind my teeth. In the palm of her hand, she held my life. My literal, entire life. It would take just a few seconds for her to send out a few photos and talk to a couple of my contacts, then she would go about her evening like nothing happened while my life began to spin out of control. I probably deserved it.

Without another word, she rose to her feet and strode out of the room, my phone held lightly in her grasp. There was nothing I could do. The ropes wouldn’t give, I couldn’t scream. I was helpless. I waited there, on the floor for what seemed like hours, contemplating on the stupid mistake I’d made. I thought I’d planned it out so well; the house should have been empty. I should have had a clear chance to sneak in, try on this one dress, and then leave. Yeah, okay, so it was a little bit weird, but I just…had this thing for women’s clothing. Well, now this “thing” had finally gotten me in more trouble than I could handle.

I tried once more to free myself, but once again, pulling at the bonds only made them tighter. They were already cutting into the thin skin beneath my wrists and I thought for sure my fingers were about to go numb. This was beyond humiliating; I was trapped in a sorority bedroom, in one of their dresses that I’d put on myself and bound on the floor like a piece of meat. I’d never felt like a man, really, but any machismo that may have remained had been sucked away the moment the woman had knocked me to the floor and bound me. Honestly, how stupid could I be? I’d been staring at myself in the full-length mirror near the closet; she’d had the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind me. Yeah, I must be some kind of stupid, indeed.

From my position on the floor at the foot of one of two twin beds in the room, I could see a digital clock on the nightstand; it now read 6:45. I watched the numbers turn over, and over, and over. I closed my eyes and opened them again, only to see 6:57, and a blink later it flashed to 7:10. 7:18. Finally, I managed to doze off a bit, only to wake up at 8:10. What was taking her so long? I mean seriously, how long did it take to destroy someone’s life in the digital age? I kept my eyes on the clock.

Ages passed until finally the clock read 8:30 and I could hear voices outside the door in the hallway. Were those footsteps? Finally, the knob turned, and I rolled my eyes upward. I tried to move my head, but I was surprised at how exhausted and cramped I felt. All could see were my captor’s fresh white tennis shoes moving swiftly through the threshold, followed by a pair of black platformed wedge sandals. I closed my eyes and braced for the worst, but suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder as my detainer knelt beside me.

“Hey,” She said in a soft tone that seemed so foreign compared to the hateful snarls from before. “I’m going to take that sock out of your mouth, okay? But don’t try to talk, your mouth is going to be numb. Just, open your lips a little.”

Confused, I did as she asked, pushing my lips apart and giving her just enough space to slide meticulously manicured nails and soft, narrow fingers past my teeth. Seconds later, the sock was removed and discarded. I breathed a sigh of relief and inhaled through my open mouth for the first time in hours. I suddenly became acutely aware of how badly my jaw was hurting. It throbbed, and I may have shed tears of gratitude as I was finally able to squeeze it shut. She was right—my lips were numb, my throat was dry and raw; I couldn’t have spoken if I wanted to.

“Okay honey, Tiffany is going to untie you, okay?” Again, her tone was so contrary to before that I was almost alarmed. She wasn’t condescending, and she didn’t sound angry at all; it was almost like… she was being kind to me?

I felt Tiffany’s cool hands on my wrists, gently working to loosen the knots, and then down to my ankles with increasing aggression. I was free—but I couldn’t stand. The most I could do was stretch out, and even that was a challenge. Sharp pains shot around my knees as I unfolded them, trying to release some of the pressure. I brought my wrists in front of me and began an attempt to massage the rope burns soothingly.

“I need you to lay still, okay?” She said. “We’ll get you up in a minute.”

“This is still bullshit,” I heard Tiffany say in a huff. “He still broke in. There have to be consequences.”

“And there will be,” She said firmly. “But not tonight. I’m not putting him in jail. You saw the same thing I saw on his phone.”

My heart skipped a beat. What had they seen on my phone? Had they checked my internet history? If they had, I was beyond screwed.
“Honey, we’re going to get you up,” She said to me. They both took an arm and pulled me to my feet. It hurt more than I thought it would, but I was quickly seated at the end of the soft mattress I had spent so long beneath. I immediately noticed the fabric of the comforter brushing up against my bare legs and realized how exposed I felt; my face must have turned three shades of red, especially when I saw Tiffany for the first time. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair flowed down the sides of her face, and her cheeks glowed effortlessly in complement to her matte painted lips. She noticed me staring and gave me a fierce look. I averted my eyes.

“Okay honey,” The tanned girl said finally. “We went through your phone and um…”

She gave pause and lifted the device up. She turned it around to me and showed me a forum that I visited often: ‘Transgender Hope’.
“Read some of your posts on here,” She said. “Gotta tell you, that’s some heavy stuff.”

Even if I could have spoken, I don’t think I would have. I felt so embarrassed that I was actively trying to will myself to the other side of the planet.

“Okay,” She said. “So, I’m Aleah, and this is Tiffany. We’re both GAT sisters – you know the deal, Gamma Alpha Tau.”

Yeah, I knew the deal. The toughest sorority on campus. Called that for a reason, obviously. I looked up at her with stinging, red eyes as she towered over me but the look on her face was soft, almost concerned. A glance at Tiffany showed me quickly that she was still angry. She glared daggers into my soul and crossed her arms in front of her to indicate a position of authority. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I felt her eyes upon me. I can't even describe the apprehension I felt. I was here, in her house, and she had the upper hand.

“Hey!” Aleah snapped her fingers in front of my face. I guess she'd been trying to get my attention. “When was the last time you ate? Did you eat today?”

I was confused. What was she even talking about? Why did she care if I'd eaten? She was right of course: I hadn't. I shook my head, not daring to lie in either girl’s presence. She nodded.

“You looked a little pale,” She said. “We’ll get you downstairs and get you something to eat. Do we still have that cheese tray from the party last night?”

“Yeah, we’ve got it,” Tiffany said, not taking her eyes off me for a second.

“Okay, let’s go,” Aleah motioned toward the door. Tiffany’s arm locked roughly around mine and lifted me from the bed like a rag doll. I moaned a bit as my muscles screamed from moving after hours of abuse.

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Tiffany’s harsh words rung in my ears as she guided me toward the door and out into the hallway. I could feel air rushing through my bare legs, once again reminding me that I was in a dress. God, I’d never planned to wear it outside of this room; I’d never even planned to wear it for more than a few minutes. After an awkward walk down the stairs, I sat down at a long, gleaming kitchen table as Aleah rummaged through the refrigerator and produced one of those party trays; the kind with the meat and cheese. More than half of it was gone. She put a few pieces of on a plate and set it in front of me.

“Eat,” Aleah said. It wasn’t a request, but I couldn’t help just sitting and staring at the plate. I became aware of her fingers running through my hair a few seconds later as she remarked on how long it was. I blushed again; I wasn’t used to people commenting on my appearance.
“It is pretty long for a guy’s,” Tiffany agreed.

“Eat,” Aleah said again, a sterner voice this time. I nibbled at the cheese and forced it down, suddenly realizing that I really was hungry after all.

I don’t know why it felt so awkward. Probably because these two women had just caught me breaking into their house and were now feeding me at their table. I felt helpless; I had so little control of the situation. I sat there eating, feeling their eyes upon me, and I’m pretty sure I was trying to shrink down into the chair to make myself smaller.

“Sit up straight,” Aleah said in a commanding voice. I practically jumped to attention; she’d been kind so far, but her tone was a stark reminder that she wasn’t someone to be trifled with. “Are you done?”

I nodded and pushed the plate away. She pushed it back toward me.

“Finish,” She said firmly. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a year.”

She was right, I hadn’t eaten all week. I shook my head and tried to push the plate away again. She slammed both hands down on the table and glared at me.

“Eat the food,” She said, her eyes drilling into mine. “I get it, you’re trying to stay thin, that’s cute, but you look like you’re about to pass out. “

She was right to an extent; I didn’t want to get huge, but I also just didn’t feel like eating. I hadn’t in a long time. I don’t know how I worked up the courage, but I heard the words leave my mouth.

“Why do you care?” I asked, the phrase came out as barely a whisper.

I could barely describe the look in Aleah’s eyes, she had been clearly angry before, but she’d managed to keep pretty calm throughout most of this. I was pretty sure she was about to hit me, but the slap came from Tiffany; I’d completely forgotten that she was standing beside me. The palm of her hand connected with my bare cheek and pushed me sideways. I shrieked as my head rolled to the left and my entire body started to slide off the chair, but Aleah grabbed me beneath my arms and held me in place. She remained for a moment, and then released me as soon as she was sure I’d regained my balance.

“You don’t ask me questions like that,” She said flatly. “This is my house, these are my rules. I would say if you don’t like it, leave, but you don’t have that option.”

I could only remember crying three times in my life, and it had been years, honestly, but in that moment, I felt my eyes begin to sting and it wasn’t long before full fledged sobs burst forward from my mouth.

“Oh. My. God.“ Tiffany said, enunciating each word in a very condescending tone. “You can break into someone’s house, but you can’t handle getting slapped around a little. Grow up.”

“What’s going on in here?” I jumped in fear as a new voice entered the conversation. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, and I recognized the voice. I looked up slowly and saw Julia Stenson, one of the campus police officers. I knew her way too well; she’d always had it out for me, or so I thought. I think I was visibly shaking as she approached the table and looked from me, to Tiffany, to Aleah.

“Just a little corrective discipline,” Tiffany said with a shrug. “Nothing to fret over.”

Julia nodded and move in closer. She wasn’t in her usual uniform; plain clothes today, so maybe she wasn’t here in any official capacity. Maybe.

“I always knew I’d get a call about you someday,” She said to me as she looked me over, slowly, inch by inch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, and I can hardly describe the humiliation encased in that one single moment. “I didn’t think it would be for this, though. Ever since you stepped foot on this campus, I’ve kept an eye on you, something just seemed off. Maybe now we know what it was.”

I closed my eyes tight. Please just make it stop. Please god let this whole stupid thing just be a dream. Julian Stenson was my worst nightmare. She’d always suspected me of something, but I never had a clue what. Well, what do you know; she was right. I was a pervert after all, and I was probably going to jail tonight, at the very least. Boy were they going to have fun with me in a cell.

“I’m going to need you to answer a few questions,” She said with an authoritative yet almost dismissive tone. She was making it clear that she was the one in charge here, even though I felt Tiffany was a lot scarier. “First of all, how did you get in here?”

“I…the back door was unlocked,” I muttered, keeping my eyes downcast.

“Okay, and what did you come in here to do?”

I stayed silent again. I didn’t want to answer that.

“Did you come in here to try on that dress?” Julia asked. Of course, I did. She knew I did. I nodded.

“Todd,” She said my name. The first time anyone had used it all night. “Are you transgender?”

They’d called her, they’d told her about the forums I’d been visiting. I didn’t want to answer that either. I knew the truth, I guess. It was written all over those posts that Aleah and Tiffany had read, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“If you don’t answer that you’re going to go to jail tonight, do you understand?” She said to me. It was a softer tone this time. “It’s a simple question with a simple yes or no answer. What you say isn’t going to go beyond this room, I just need to know what your intentions were here.”

“I don’t…I don’t know…” I said quietly, hoping that Aleah would help me out, but she remained silent. “Yes.”

I’d said it. I’d finally said it out loud. It felt unreal and I didn’t want to say any more about it. I’d talked about it on internet forums but the words had never left my lips.

“Yes, what?” Julie asked again, sternly this time.

“Yes…” I said, my voice more of a squeak than anything. “I’m…I’m transgender…”

I was having trouble processing it. I’d said it out loud yeah, but it just didn’t feel real. I could feel their eyes upon me, studying me, trying to figure out if I was telling the truth. Did it matter if I was telling the truth? My most closely guarded secret had been spilled on the floor of a sorority house and I had absolutely no control over it. This was not how I imagined coming out. This wasn’t how I wanted to come out. It was like the plot of a badly written porn story but it was happening to me; it was actually happening to me and it wasn’t going to end the way those stories did.

“What…what happens now?” I asked, directing the question at no one in particular.

“Now you go home,” Aleah said. “Come upstairs with me, we’ll get your clothes, and you’ll go home. Take the food with you.”

Synopsis: While wondering if the previous night was a horrible dream, Todd gets a text from Aleah.

“Todd, Todd wake up!” I slowly opened my eyes, using a hand to rub the sleep from my crusted lids. A splash of light from the dorm room window invaded my vision, causing me to squint and shield my face with my free hand. “Come on, wake up, we have a raid in ten minutes!”

“Oh my god,” I grumbled. “Can it wait?”

I lay there in my bed trying to recall the previous night. What had even happened? I remembered Aleah, but honestly, I remembered her from class too. Had I really been in her house? Had all of that really happened?

“Come on!” Mason roughly shook my shoulder, finally causing me to sit up. “You have to log on!”

I glared at him and then diverted my attention to the other side of the room.

“What the hell, Mason?” I demanded as I stared at the mess on his side. A mountain of soda bottles and food wrappers littered the entirety of his space, from the foot of the desk all the way to the top and around his chair. He glanced sheepishly over toward the mess and shrugged.

“Sorry dude, I had an all-nighter. We had to craft the potions for today’s raid. SOMEONE had to; you slept all night!”
“That’s…that’s what normal people do,” I said, defeated as I tossed my blankets aside and put my feet on the carpet. “You’re gonna ruin the carpet in here.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Mason said quickly as he bolted across the room and planted himself at his computer desk. I heard a soda bottle crinkle.

I made my way over to my own desk which was spotless in comparison and took a seat. My computer hummed as I moved the mouse; it was already switched on. Thanks Mason. I immediately double clicked the icon on the desktop and a splash screen reading: ‘Dark Pantheon’ appeared before my eyes.

“Okay, “ I said, finally sort of awake. “What are we doing?”

“What do you MEAN what are we doing?!” He demanded. “We’re raiding Eletar Deep!”

“Please don’t be this dramatic this early in the morning,” I muttered as I logged in with my mage. “Send me a port, would you?”

I guess I should explain what this was all about. Mason had gotten me into this game, Dark Pantheon; an online MMORPG, that’s Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game to you. Thousands of players cooperated in a persistent fantasy world to either live, or to fight monsters, or even get together to take down massive bosses. I had been sort of interested at first, but over time I got in deeper and deeper. There was something about it, maybe the fact that I could play as a girl and no one would get suspicious. I made a character that was, I guess, roughly what I wanted to look like in real life. I’d wanted to name her Audrey, but the name was taken, so I went with Audri. When Mason asked about it I’d laughed and told him I’d rather stare at a girl’s butt for hours while I played than a guy’s. He’d laughed too. I guess that answer was acceptable.

“I sent you a port,” Mason said, sipping from what had to be his thousandth energy drink. I wondered how long he’d been awake; no matter how much I was into this game, he always seemed to be way more obsessed.

The port request appeared at the upper right of my screen; I clicked it, and my character immediately appeared beside his at the gates of Eletar Deep. “

“Your character is HOT!” He said as he shoved a piece of beef jerky into his mouth.

I glared at him. He didn’t seem to notice.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. For a raid you needed at least twenty people – only the two of us were standing before the comically large dungeon entrance.

“They’ll be here, they’ll be here!” He said. “Stop being so impatient!”

I sighed. This was going to be a long day. Or maybe not. Just as I was thinking that, my phone buzzed beside my keyboard. I picked it up and swiped to see a text from Aleah. Her name was in my phone; I guess last night hadn’t been a dream after all. The text simply said: ‘Library: 2:30’. I checked the clock on the phone – 2:18. I could choose to ignore it, but Aleah could choose to release all of those pictures she’d taken of me. I sighed and shut my laptop.

“What are you doing?!” Mason demanded from across the room.

“Got something to do,” I said as I stood up and pulled on a pair of pants. “You can find one more person, don’t worry about it.”
“You’re an ass!” Mason shouted after me as I bolted through the door.

The dorm room door opened straight onto a balcony and I rushed down three flights of stairs, past a vending machine and onto the sidewalk. I glanced at my phone: 2:20. There wasn’t any time. My feet pounded the pavement and the campus rushed by in a blur. I arrived in the library at 2:27 and realized I had no idea where to go – the building was huge. Tables lined up to the right, students checking out books to the left; where was I even supposed to go?

“Hi,” A voice cut through the crowd behind me. “Are you Todd?”

I started to turn but from the corner of my eye I saw her walk around. It was a shorter girl, a brunette with freckles wearing a blue track jacket over a green t-shirt. For a moment I had difficulty believing that a girl was even talking to me but then I remembered that it probably wasn’t for anything good.

“Um..yes…?” I said apprehensively.

“Hi!” She said, her hand shot out and I instinctively shook it. “I’m Lauren, I’ve heard SO much about you.”

She giggled. No doubt she’d heard I was some kind of pervert.

“You…you have?” I was caught completely off guard, there was no recovering in this conversation.

“Mhm!” She said. Every one of her sentences came standard with an upward inflection. “So…I need help with something and one of the sisters said you could do it…could you come with me?”

“I…guess?” I said, completely unsure of where this was going.

“Great!” She grinned, taking my hand in hers and guiding me through the library. I stared at the back of her head, watching her perfectly straight brown hair swish with the motion. God, why couldn’t mine look like that? “Here we are!”

She pushed through a door into a private study area. It was a pretty bare room; wood paneling like the rest of the library and a table in the center with a laptop standing at the far end.

“Okay,” So I need some help with my laptop,” She said. “I turned it on this morning and…it’s just a black screen?”

“You…brought me here to fix your laptop?” I said incredulously. For some reason I’d thought this was going to be a lot worse.

“Uh-huh!” She said, practically skipping toward the laptop. I followed.

“Um..” I said, pressing a few buttons and trying a reboot. “I think…a file got corrupted? I guess a system restore?”

“I don’t even know what that is,” She said, biting her bottom lip and staring intently at me.

“I mean…I just have to press F8 as it starts up and hit restore.”

“You won’t lose my homework, right?”

“Your…no, it should –”

“I put it in the One Drive thing?”

“Okay,” I said. “Then it’s in the cloud, it’ll be there when the computer comes back up.”

“You’re pretty good at this, huh?”

I wanted to tell her that I knew how to follow on-screen instructions like any other idiot but I simply allowed myself to smile briefly and said yeah.

“Hey,” She said. “I have to go to class, I’ll be back after to pick this up, okay?”

“Oh!” I said. I hadn’t been expecting her to leave. “I…okay—”

By the time the words were out of my mouth, she was already gone. I was a little surprised, it wouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to do this. I wondered why she hadn’t called me earlier. Glancing at the laptop screen, I watched the recovery progress bar as it crept across the screen, finally reaching the halfway point and stopping. I wasn’t concerned, it happened a lot during system recoveries. I sat down in the cushioned chair and waited, and waited, and waited. After about thirty seconds I frowned. Nothing was happening. I instinctively reached my hand toward the power button and then stopped myself; what if a hard reboot fried the recovery partition? I had backup discs at my dorm, but what would she think if she came back and her laptop wasn’t here? On top of that, I kind of got the feeling that I wasn’t supposed to leave this room.

I checked my Facebook and wandered around the room for a bit, coming back to the laptop every few minutes to check. The progress bar didn’t move, at all. I peered out the window onto the courtyard and watched students coming and going. Over time, I noticed the noise outside the room grow quieter. People were leaving. My phone’s clock read 3:21. Finally, I resigned myself to sitting in the chair and leaning back to stare at the progress bar – still stuck at the halfway point with the laptop’s CPU light blinking.

I closed my eyes for just a minute, or at least I thought. The next moment I jumped, lurching my head forward. The windows were nearly dark – how long had I been asleep? I squinted and checked my phone, 5:25. What the hell.

“Lauren’s laptop is notorious for slow restores,” Aleah said. I must have jumped three feet in the air. As my stomach worked its way out of my throat, I stared at her like a deer in headlights; she was sitting in the chair caddy-corner to me at the table, nonchalantly looking through her phone, long black hair brushed off to one side. “She just didn’t want to spend all day working on it.”

“So, you…so you suckered me into doing it?” I asked incredulously.

“I sent you a text,” She said. “You didn’t technically have to show up.”

“Okay, but you have all of those pictures of me—”
“Deleted,” She said sharply, without glancing up from her phone.

“Wait, what?”

“Would be a little messed up to keep them around, considering the situation,” She said, finally looking up at me, her hazel eyes locking with mine.

I started to speak and say ‘what situation’ but I stopped myself short. I knew what the answer would be, and I was too embarrassed to even talk about it.

“What happens next is up to you,” She said curtly. “Come by the house at 7:30 AM tomorrow, if you want. If you don’t show up, we’ll forget any of this happened. You go back to whatever you were doing before, we forget you exist. But, if you do that, you don’t come to the house again, you don’t talk to any of us. Are we clear?”

I nodded.

“Good,” She said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a hamburger wrapped in foil, setting it down in front of me and taking the laptop. “Eat.”

I had paced around that room in the library for about fifteen minutes before a janitor stopped by to tell me that they were closing. So I’d gone home. Mason was there, lost in his own little world as he grinded mobs on Dark Pantheon; he’d barely even acknowledged my presence as I stepped through the door. I’d said hi to him and he just sort of grunted. I went to sleep. I woke up at 4 the next morning and stared at the ceiling as I tried to decide whether any of the last few days had been real. I had to go over the facts in my head. Fact 1: I’d broken into a sorority house and played dress up. Fact 2: I’d been caught and somehow didn’t go to jail. Fact 3: I was at home right now and they wanted me to come back in a few hours. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what forced fem story I’d read this in and how I’d somehow managed to create such a realistic fantasy. Eventually the clock beside me read 6:15. I had to get up. If any of this was real, I probably didn’t want to miss my opportunity – whatever the hell my opportunity was. Honestly, I didn’t know what they wanted but I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I don’t know how much time I spent pacing around outside, trying to make what had to be the toughest decision of my life, but here I was, at 6:58, standing in front of the GAT house. I took a deep breath and considered turning around three times before I finally pushed through the white picket gate and took step after agonizing step toward the house. I reached the front steps and through force of sheer will, I propelled myself onto the porch.

“Just keep going,” I muttered to myself. I wasn’t sure why I was here, I just knew that I didn’t want to lose contact with Aleah. I didn’t want this to be over. Didn’t want what to be over though?

“Who are you?” A male voice came from behind me. I spun around as if I’d been shot. It was Mike Jones, probably the most intimidating person who could have shown up right now. He was walking toward me, up the stairs, his hulking frame hugged loosely by his red and white letter jacket. As he mounted the summit of the steps, his hand brushed his blonde hair, and I couldn’t help but think that he was a perfect stereotype.

“I’m uh…” I stuttered. What could I even say to this guy?

“Do you have any reason to be here?” He demanded. “If not, scram.”

“I…okay,” I said, starting to turn away, wondering who said ‘scram’ anymore. Was I in a 90’s movie? As I moved toward the steps, the front door opened.

“Todd?” A new voice said. I turned to see a girl I hadn’t met yet, she was olive skinned with dark hair, very slim. “Hey, I’m Isabella, we’ve been expect—well, I mean, hoping you’d come.”

“You know this guy?” Mike demanded. “Looks like a pervert hanging around the house.”

“Mike, please don’t start, okay? Olivia’s not here, and tonight’s a girl’s night, you can come back tomorrow.”

“If it’s a girl thing then why is HE here?” Mike pointed a finger at me, which I’m pretty sure could have bored through my skull if he put enough effort into it. For some reason I flinched when he referred to me as ‘he’. I knew why but somehow it was starting to hurt more than usual.

“Todd’s here to see me,” Isabella said firmly, and with that she reached out, took my arm and gently pulled me toward the door.
“Well if he can come in, so can I!” Mike began to push his way past me.

“Mike, get lost,” Aleah appeared in the doorway as Isabella pulled me through the threshold.

“If it’s for girls only then he needs to get out,” Todd said, still pointing at me from the porch.

“What are you, ten years old?” Aleah demanded. “Don’t set foot in this house unless you’re invited, or I call the dean. Trust me, you don’t want that.”

She closed the door softly, showing no signs of aggression, but I could tell she was angry.

“Are you okay?” Aleah asked, studying me for a moment.

“I…well yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I shrugged. Aleah snorted.

“You’re going to have to drop that macho act,” She said, brushing past me. I felt Isabella’s hand on my shoulder, guiding me in the direction Aleah was walking. I felt so stiff, I didn’t dare look around; I kept my gaze straight ahead on Aleah’s back. This wasn’t right. I didn’t belong here.

We emerged from the foyer into the living room, it was the first time I’d seen it, really; it’d been dark the last time I came through here. It was a huge open space – I wasn’t really expecting that. A massive gray sectional couch dominated the area, directly across from a huge flat screen television that I could never afford, even if managed to sell both of my kidneys. Aleah snapped her fingers in front of my face, I guess I’d gotten lost in thought staring at the television.

“Focus,” She said. “We’re having an event here today, we’re welcoming the new pledges into our organization, and you’re going to make sure their cups stay full, so to speak.”

“I’m…sorry….” I said, “You’re going to use me as some kind of servant?”

“Pretty much,” Aleah shrugged. “Unless you have somewhere else you’d rather be.”
I didn’t.

“Okay then,” She took my silence as acceptance. “Isabella, all yours. Make sure he eats.”

Isabella turned and smiled widely, taking both of my hands in hers.

“Hey,” She said. “I know you’re nervous but it’s going to be okay, okay?”

I nodded. She turned, letting go of one hand but keeping the other firmly within her grasp as she walked briskly toward the stairs leading up to the second floor of the house. As we walked onto the landing and into the hallways where the bedrooms were, a blonde haired girl pushed past us and said ‘excuse me’ as she walked into a bathroom. I felt so nervous; there were so many other people here and I felt out of place. Thankfully, we were out of the hallway within a few seconds and inside a familiar bedroom – the one where I’d been tied up, on the floor a little over 24 hours ago. She led me over to one of the beds where a plaid, long sleeved dress with a belt lay draped over the comforter.

“We got you your own underwear and a bra,” She said. “There are some prosthetic breasts here, they were pretty easy to get because Lauren's mother had a mas—”

“You want me to wear this?” I said, suddenly starting to feel incredibly uneasy. If I could assign a number to my anxiety level it probably would have been a fifteen out of ten.

“You’ve worn a dress before, dear,” She said, shaking her head. “Believe me, it’s all I’ve heard about for the last day.

I gulped. They’d been talking about me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“I know, I just…never…”

“Never in front of other people?” She finished the sentence that I was struggling to get out. I nodded.

“Well I would say no one is judging you here, but they are. Not because of what you’re going to wear, but because you’re kind of an idiot.”

I blushed again. I’d been doing that a lot lately. I looked toward the door, I wanted to bolt. I needed to get out of here. I felt like I was suffocating.

“Hey,” She said, putting a hand on my cheek and pushing my gaze toward her instead. “We both know why you’re here. If you walk out, you’re going to regret it. You know I’m right.”

She was right. She handed me a pack of plastic wrapped panties and a loose bra.

“We had to guess your size, figured you were about a 30 because you fit into Aleah’s dress so well. Once you get dressed, we’ll go ahead and do your makeup. Tiffany is better at makeup but I have a better bedside manner and we didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Are you…do you want me to undress in front of you?”

She nodded. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

I sighed, resigned to my fate, and began to get undressed. I noticed that she kept an eye on me the entire time, standing just a few feet away. As I dropped my clothes, she pointed to them and told me to fold them. I did, and she took them to the nearby closet. While she was there, I simply stood beside the bed, staring at the dress. I wanted to wear it, but I was frozen in place. It wasn’t until she came back and handed me the bra that I started to change. She helped me clasp it and inserted the silicone breasts into the cups. The first thing I noticed was that they were heavy. They immediately put a lot of weight onto my chest, and they were cold. The second thing I noticed, looking down, was that they didn’t look real. They didn’t match my skin color, and you could tell that they weren’t a part of my body, even with the bra squishing them tightly against my skin. I stared at them, a feeling of loss creeping into my subconscious until Isabella noticed and placed her hand gently under my chin, lifting my head and my gaze away from my chest.

“You’re really smooth,” She said to me. “Do you wax?”

I nodded, thinking about the spa wax kit I kept hidden at the dorm room. It was shoved in one of my under-bed drawers, sitting beneath an old t-shirt where I was sure Mason would never look. Not that he went through my drawers. Not that anyone went through my drawers. God why was I so paranoid?

“You’re doing a good job of it,” She nodded. “Okay, panties, come on hon, we’re on a schedule.”

She indicated the dress on the bed. It was beautiful, deep red with plaid strips and a long U-shaped neckline.

“So….” She said as she picked up the dress and showed it to me. “This is pretty well fitted so it doesn’t hang like a sack or anything. Most girl clothes are fitted so it shows off the curves. You don’t have too many curves, so I picked one where most of the stripes run vertically, it draws the eye away from your…width…if you know what I mean. It makes you look slimmer?”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I stared at her and nodded. I’m sure she picked up on how stupid I was.

“So…another thing we can do is add a belt, it looks cute and it’ll bring more attention to your boobs.” I said nothing. The weight in the pit of my stomach was reaching upward, through my esophagus and holding my jaw tightly shut. “Come on, I’m gonna need some input.”

“Whatever…you want is fine,” I croaked. She rolled her eyes.

“Put your arms up.”

I did, and she slid the dress over my head. It hung effortlessly on my body, and as I looked down, I saw it completely concealed the silicone breasts. I couldn’t believe how well it fit or how amazing it felt. It was like…I didn’t want to wear anything else, ever again. I felt free, but at the same time, I was so afraid. She snapped a black belt around my waist; I looked down, but couldn’t see past ‘my’ boobs. I think I may have smiled a little.

“Sit down over here,” Isabella guided me to a makeup vanity where she styled my hair with a straightener and a few clips. “We thought about getting a wig but your hair is already long enough. Once we do your makeup you’ll be pretty passable.”

Passable as what? I watched, fascinated as she pulled a few items from the vanity and arranged them in front of me. She explained liquid foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, and all kinds of things that I couldn’t remember if I tried. I just nodded along as if I understood while she applied them expertly to my face. I had just gotten accustomed to sitting still like a statue when Tiffany burst through the door.

“Are you two about done?” She demanded. “We need to set up.”

“Calm your tits,” Isabella responded. “I just need to do the setting powder.

I saw Tiffany peer over her shoulder at me. A chill went down my spine.

“Okay,” She said finally. “Someone needs to make a run to the store for chips and stuff.”

“I don’t think Aleah wants Todd leaving the house, so I’ll probably have to go. I have a car,” Isabella said as she brushed powder onto my face.

“You know I have a car too, right?” Tiffany put her hands on her hips.

“We both know you don’t want to go.”

I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a battlefield and I was about to catch a bullet.

“Okay, you look good enough,” Tiffany said coldly, pushing Isabella away and pulling me from the chair. She had such a strong grip. “Go downstairs, take the party stuff out of the fridge, put it on the table, we’re starting at noon and it’s almost nine now.”

“Wait!” Isabella said. I turned back to her, thankful that she was intervening. “Shoes, you need shoes.”

She walked to the closet and brought back a pair of simple black pumps. I put them on, surprisingly, they fit, though they were a little bit tight. She told me to take a few steps. I wobbled a bit but I got the hang of it.

“Okay, great,” Tiffany said, taking me by the arm and guiding me out of the room. “If you’re going to be here then you’re going to work.”
We reached the landing, and as we were about to walk down, my hand instinctively grabbed the railing, white knuckles denied me any further progress.

“I can’t go down there like this,” I suddenly said. I felt exposed. I could feel the air rushing between my legs, I could feel the weight of the makeup against my skin. I felt ridiculous.

“Are you kidding me?” Tiffany’s irate tone made her agitation clear. From her voice I knew one thing: I was going down those stairs one way or another. “Okay, I don’t have time for this.”

She grabbed my elbow and yanked me away from the bannister but didn’t force me down the stairs. Instead, she marched me down the hallway, took a left into a bathroom where another girl was moisturizing her face in front of the mirror.

“Beat it Olivia,” Tiffany growled as she pushed her out of the way and shoved me in front of the mirror. “Look.”

I gazed into the mirror. Behind me I saw Olivia, flustered, and trying to finish her moisturizing routine by ducking around me, but I saw someone else I didn’t recognize. Was that…me? I didn’t recognize myself, I looked…I looked like I always pictured myself. My hair was styled a lot like Aleah’s, but a little more volume, and my face betrayed none of my male features. I wanted to cry in happiness, but Tiffany cut the moment short.

“You done?” She demanded. “Let’s go.”

I couldn’t help but glance in the mirror one last time as she wrapped her fingers around my wrist and dragged me from the bathroom. This time I dutifully followed her down the stairs and felt my anxiety rise as I spotted someone I hadn’t met before standing near the living room couch, sorting through a folder full of papers. She was a bit older than the other girls, maybe in her thirties, but still beautiful.

“Oh, right,” Tiffany said as she led me toward the woman. “Amelie, this is Todd, Todd, Amelie. Amelie is our house mother.”

“Very nice to meet you, Todd,” The woman shot her hand out but maintained a stern look as she studied every inch of me. I felt like I was being auctioned off for some reason.

“I...hi…” I stuttered.

“We don’t normally allow visitors on the second floor,” She said. She reached out and straightened a wrinkle on my dress, and then pulled my left sleeve down; I guess it had been a little crooked. “We made an exception for you at Aleah’s insistence, but you’re going to be on your best behavior here, do you understand?”

“Okay,” I nodded quickly.

“Try again” She said, setting the folder down on the couch end table and crossing her arms. She stared down at me, though she barely had an inch on me. I felt so small.

“Yes Ma’am”, Tiffany whispered into my ear.

“Yes Ma’am,” I said quickly, breaking eye contact and staring down at her feet.

“What do you have him doing?” Amelie asked of Tiffany. I flinched again at the use of the word ‘him’. What was wrong with me? She must have noticed, because I could feel her studying me, even though my eyes were still downcast.

“What do you have her doing?” Amelie corrected herself. I don’t know why it made such a difference, but it did. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I finally looked up at her for a brief second. I felt like I was on the verge of tears, but somehow, I didn’t want to admit it. I don’t know why.

“I want her to set up the food trays,” Tiffany said. She was much more respectful to Amelie than she had ever been to me. I guess I couldn’t blame her. “We got blocks of cheese this year instead of the trays because it was a little cheaper. “

“Oh right, that’s a start,” Amelie said, still studying me. “Make sure she wears an apron, okay?”

“Definitely,” Tiffany said, grabbing my arm and pulling me away. “Don’t want to ruin that dress.”

“Oh, hey, Tiffany, can you ask Aleah to come see me when you get a chance?” Amelie called after us.

“Sure thing!” Tiffany responded, guiding me toward the open kitchen on the other side of the room. I think my arm was starting to bruise from the way she kept manhandling me. She led me around the long kitchen island and released me only when we’d reached the center. “Go to the fridge and get those blocks of cheese from the middle shelf; I’m going to show you how to cut cheese.

“Tiffany,” I said quietly, practically mumbling.

“What?” She demanded.

“Why…why does Aleah want me here?”
“Get the cheese,” She said after a second of silence, handing me an apron before I turned toward the fridge.

I did as I was told, walking to the refrigerator and bending down to grab a few blocks of cheese from the middle shelf, all wrapped in plastic with ‘Kraft’ on the label. Within a few seconds, Tiffany was at my side with her hand on my shoulder.

“What are you doing” She asked quizzically, as if I should have known.

“I’m getting the cheese,” I said apprehensively, wondering if she was going to hit me again.

“Why are you bending over like that? Put the cheese down,” She took it from me and put it back on the middle shelf. “Put your knees together,”

I looked at her questioningly, she stared at me intently until I pulled my legs together, my knees touching.

“Now, squat down and straighten your dress so you don’t show your butt.”

I did it, bending my knees slowly.

“Keep the knees together!” She said sternly. “Don’t pull them apart, act like a lady.”

This was harder than I thought. I pressed my knees together and tried to keep my balance as I reached toward the center shelf. Suddenly, I wobbled and fell backward, slamming into the tile.

“Are you SERIOUS?!” Tiffany hissed before reaching down and helping me to my feet. “Do it again, don’t fall this time.”

It was hard, but somehow, I pulled it off, and we moved back to the counter where she’d already laid out a cutting board and a cheese slicer.

“I was going to make you do this with a knife, but I don’t have all day, just use the slicer to make cubes – don’t make them crooked. Do it for all of the blocks in the fridge on that middle shelf, I’ll be back.”

She watched me for a moment, and then, satisfied that I knew what I was doing, left the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief as she disappeared through a door and into another part of the house. I continued cutting, taking blocks from the refrigerator as needed. I felt horribly apprehensive every time someone walked through the living room. Did they know who I was? What if someone talked to me? I felt so out of place here, even though, honestly, there was no where else I’d rather be. I wondered if Mason had texted me yet, asking where I was. I probably had some raid or quest scheduled with him. Ugh…what would he think if he knew where I was now? I realized that I didn’t have my phone with me. Isabella must have taken it.

The entire time, no one looked at me more than once. Maybe they were glad they didn’t have to spend any time slicing cheese. By the time I was finished I had a mountain of cheese cubes sitting on a tray. I realized that out of habit, I’d arranged the entire thing into a rounded pyramid and sighed – my stupid OCD was showing again.

“Nice arrangement,” Tiffany said as she walked back into the kitchen. You ready to slice apples?”

By the time I was done we had a huge assortment of fruits and vegetables – all of which would have been a lot easier if they’d just spent the money on vegetable trays. My hands felt numb from all the cutting, but Tiffany insisted that I place all of trays on the elevated part of the island – sort of like a buffet.

“We’re starting at noon,” Tiffany said. “You’re going to stand here, in the kitchen. If someone wants something, you bring it to them. You fill drinks, you keep your mouth shut unless someone asks you a question. When you DO answer someone, you answer respectfully, do you understand?”

I nodded.

“Say ‘Yes, Miss Tiffany’”, She said to me.

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” I hated it, but it was her party and from what I knew about GAT, it was how they made their pledges address them. Kind of a power trip but it wasn't unique to me.

“Do you have a problem with that?” She asked “You hesitated a little there.”

“I guess…” I said, not sure if I should really say anything. “It just makes me feel…small.”

“Funny thing about guys,” She said. “You’re all conditioned to treat women like crap, so being respectful doesn’t tend to come naturally. Welcome to hell.”

She left me to speak to Isabella on the other side of the room, but turned to speak to me again.

“Make sure you answer the door if someone knocks!”

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” I muttered.

“Louder!”

“Yes Miss Tiffany!” I curled my fist a bit, a gesture that I thought she wouldn’t notice, but she suddenly crossed the room again, grabbing my wrist and slapping my hand as hard as she could. I couldn’t believe how bad it hurt. Pain immediately radiated across my knuckles and through my hand. I yelped and fell to my knees. She kept a grip on my wrist and stared down at me.

“You can cut that crap out right now,” She said, releasing my wrist and turning to speak to Isabella. As I struggled to pull myself back up, I could hear her and Isabella talking and laughing as if she hadn’t just walked across the room and struck me. It was starting to sink in again that I was nothing here.

Before I’d even had a chance to recover, I heard a knock at the door. I saw Tiffany glance over at me and I quickly moved to answer it.

“Smile,” She said to me with an almost gleeful upward inflection as I walked past her. I opened the door and smiled as widely as I could. There was a girl about my age standing in the doorway dressed in a knee-length lace dress, looking as if she were about to attend a funeral. It matched her jet black hair.

“Hi, I’m Liz?” She said. “I’m here for the party?”

I started to speak, but then realized that I had a male voice. The moment I opened my mouth she would know. I glanced nervously back at Tiffany who mouthed: “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m…” I started to whisper.

“Oh are you a new pledge too?” She grinned as she stepped through the door. “I’m a little nervous too!”

“Nah, not a pledge,” Tiffany said as she stepped in. “She’s just helping us out for today.”

I’m surprised I didn’t collapse from relief as Tiffany took over the conversation and led Liz off toward the other side of the room.

“Wow,” Isabella said as she walked past me. “That was LITERALLY the most awkward display I’ve ever seen.”

For the next hour, several more girls showed up and I put on the exact same awkward display, anxiously waiting for a GAT sister to take over the conversation. They always did, but they seemed to leave me hanging for a minute or two. At some point, Tiffany came over to me and informed me that she was going to be calling me ‘Kelly’ for today because she was tired of skirting around my male name everytime she spoke to me in front of the other girls. It wasn’t the name I would have chosen, but it worked, I guess.

The day started with a meeting where Aleah introduced herself and gave a speech on sorority life, sisterhood, and all the benefits of being a GAT pledge. I listened intently and felt kind of jealous that I wasn’t in on this.

For the most part I was ignored, and surprisingly, I didn’t have to do much. I wondered why I was even here. Aleah introduced them to the house mother, Amelie, and explained that she was there to make sure everything ran smoothly.

“And, finally,” Aleah said, gesturing to me. “This is Kelly, she’s not one of us, but she’s here to make sure all of your needs are met today. You need a drink refilled, or you want a plate, you just flag her down, okay?”

Everyone looked toward me, and I immediately cringed. Could they tell I was a guy? I guess Isabella had done a great job with the makeup because no one seemed to stare or look confused. A few of them waved and smiled, someone said ‘Hi Kelly!’, but I had no idea where it had come from. I smiled nervously and waved back. Tiffany stared hard at me; I was doing something wrong, but that was nothing new.

The meeting continued until Aleah finally dismissed them, and then the event resumed like a normal party. They talked and laughed amongst themselves and I was left to stare at them, wishing I could be a part of it, but my frozen legs wouldn’t allow me to move beyond the kitchen. I gripped the counter; I felt like I was going to pass out as the noise from the crowd buzzed around me. Surprisingly no one asked me for anything, I just made sure that the food trays were filled every once in a while.

“Did you eat today?” Aleah asked me. I jumped. I hadn’t even seen her come over. I stared at her. She was wearing a brief black slink dress that matched her form perfectly – I was overcome with jealousy that she could look like that in a dress. She noticed me staring. I shook my head.

“Okay,” She said. “What did I tell you about that?”

“To…eat,” I mumbled.

“This isn’t healthy,” She remarked with a tone of finality. Make a plate, go sit down at the table and eat it.”

I did as she asked but took as little as possible from the counter.

“More,” Aleah said.

I took a few more pieces of cheese and I felt her eyes follow me as I walked from the counter to the table on the other side of the room, in the open dining room. I nervously sat down and started to pick at the food. I felt like Tiffany would see me sitting down and chew me out for it, but I saw her glance at me once from across the room and then continue her conversation with someone.

“You and I are going to have a talk later,” Aleah said, standing over me with her arms crossed. “This stuff about…not eating, it’s unacceptable. If I have to make you come over here and eat, I will.”

How often was I going to be over here?

I sat silently waiting for her to speak again.

“You’re going to go home tonight, but you’re going to watch your phone. All of the sisters have put themselves in your address book, so you’ll know whose calling. If we text, or call, you show up.”

“I don’t—” I started to say. School was starting soon, and I wasn’t sure if my schedule would allow for it. These are the last few days of summer, and I’d spent a lot of time fooling around, being one of the few students that opted to stay in the dorms.

“Hey!” She said, snapping her fingers to get my attention. I stopped speaking immediately. “You broke into our house, you put my clothes on, which, in itself is a load of bull. I gave you the option to walk away, you didn’t take it, so now you’re going to play along.”

I thought about it. She didn’t have the pictures anymore, so I guess I could have just walked away right now. I could have, but I didn’t want to. This was so uncomfortable, but…I didn’t want it to end. Whether I liked it or not, she had me.

“Okay,” I choked on the words.

She nodded.

“Good.”

“Mason, wait up!” I called out to him as I worked my way across the rocks. One foot in front of the other, avoiding cracks, and most importantly, avoiding the edge of the cliff we were practically pressed up against. I did my best to avoid looking down and glancing at the thick foliage below; it just wasn’t healthy.

“I think we’re about there, dude!” Mason said. He was an expert at skipping across the rocks. I can’t imagine how he did it, he hadn’t been sober since the first day of high school. “Come on! You can do this crap in ‘Dark Pantheon’, just raise your agility!”

He said ‘raise your ability’ in a sing songy voice and raised his arms as if he were lifting something. I didn’t bother reminding him that ‘Dark Pantheon’ wasn’t real. We were out here searching for a Geocache – a hidden object searchable only through geographical coordinates. Someone at Woodcrest kept a website detailing the latitude and longitude of all caches on or near the campus, and Mason was particularly insistent on finding this one. I had no idea why.

We’d been walking for hours; or at least I thought it had been hours. I’d barely had time to come home and get a shower that night before collapsing into my bed like butter melting into a dish. Mason had woken me at six AM and dragged me off to the park, where we now searched for this hidden cache.

“Hey, odd question,” Mason said as he skipped from rock to rock and I followed, flailing my arms and practically tripping over pebbles. “Where were you yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” I said as innocently as possible. “I was…uh…prancing around in a dress at the GAT house serving drinks for their pledge initiation.”

“Funny,” Mason snorted. “Well, wherever you REALLY were, we had a raid last night, we were a man down because of you.”
Yeah, a man down in more ways than he realized.

“Yeah sorry about that,” I said simply. We walked on in silence for a bit until we came to a ledge. Mason checked his phone.

“We’re right on top of it,” He announced. I looked down.

“What? I don’t see anything.”

“Yep, the GPS puts it below us,” He said proudly. “So we either dig…which we can’t, because this is solid rock, or there’s a cave somewhere.

“Are you serious? We can’t go into a cave, what if we get lost?”

“We’ll call for help!” Mason pointed to his phone.

“Underground?!”

“Hey, I pay for a good signal, so should you.”

“It doesn’t matter!” I shouted as Mason walked to the cliff edge and looked down. “It’s UNDERGROUND!”

“Yes, well, cave’s right here, in the cliff face,” Mason pulled his backpack off, set it down, and produced a nylon rope. “We’ll tie it off to that rock there, alright?”

I barely argued with him before we found ourselves suspended from the rope and climbing into the cave opening. It wasn’t very big, just about the size of a door. I swung in after him and we stood in the landing, staring down into a dark abyss. The rays of sunlight behind me illuminated the immediate interior, but I knew that if we walked too much further, I wouldn’t be able to see my own hand in front of my face. Mason switched on his flashlight. Of course he had a flashlight.

“WHY is there a cave here?” I asked stupidly. Mason turned to look at me.

“Why is there a cave anywhere?”

“Good point.”

“Now pull up your big girl panties and let’s go.”

I knew it was just a figure of speech, but I flinched a little bit when he said panties.

In my pocket, I heard my phone buzz.

“You hear that?” Mason said as he started walking. “You’ve got plenty of signal down here!”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

“You’ve got so much signal you could make a cake with it!”

“That literally makes no sense.”

As we walked into the darkness, I pulled my phone out to check the text. It was from Tiffany.

Kelly – We want you to practice acting more feminine. Be quieter when you’re out in public, take up less space when you stand, things like that. Also, remember what I told you about keeping your legs together when you squat? Do that all the time. When you stand, sit, whatever. Make yourself small.

I looked at the text indifferently and jokingly replied:

What’s next? Wearing a dress in public?

I put the phone back in my pocket and continued to follow Mason.

“Oh look at this!” He said, pointing his flashlight at a set of chalk markings on the wall. “Someone’s been down here already!”
“Great, so we’ll find their bodies,” I was only half joking.

We walked on for a bit longer, at some point we had to duck under a low hanging wall and crawl through a brief tunnel before emerging into an open area. It was an underground lake of sorts; I could hear running water. Stalactites hung from the roof of the cavern, taking my anxiety to new and improve heights.

“Would you look at that,” Mason said. “Isn’t nature a beaut?”

“We’re going to die down here,” I stated conclusively. “This is how I die.”

“Cheer up,” He said. “At least there won’t be an open casket; you’re too ugly for that.”

Just before I could quip back, I felt the ground shudder beneath my feet and a massive banging sound could be heard behind us. I jerked and looked around, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. What was that? Was the cavern collapsing? We were about to die?

“What the hell was that, Mason?!” I shouted. My voice echoed throughout the cavern.

“Probably just the cave collapsing behind us,” He shrugged. He was stoic as ever, standing tall before the cavern; he hadn’t even turned around.

“Aren’t you freaking concerned about that?!” I demanded “We’re going to die down here!”

“Todd, my friend,” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You have to learn to stop escalating every single situation. Try to think of the positives.”

“We’re stuck in a freaking cave, underground!” I quieted my voice when I realized I was actually screaming. “There’s no way out!”

“And that’s unfortunate,” He said reassuringly. “But think of it this way: we have air to breathe, obviously, no broken bones, and we’re still alive! Plus, we still have that cache to find.”

“You’re still worried about the stupid cache?!” I exclaimed. “We have to find a way out!”

Mason shook his head and took his hand down.

“Okay, look, Todd,” He said. “Do you remember when we were kids, and we got lost in the woods?”

I allowed myself to smirk a bit.

“How could I forget? They called the police and the fire department out after us.”

“Yeah, they did, and they thought we drowned, remember all that?”

“Yeah, I do. They were sending scuba divers into the pond in my dad’s backyard to look for our bodies.”

“Yeah, and who got us home?”

“You did,” I remembered I’d been freaking out, and Mason had kept a cool head the entire time. When I’d finally calmed down and followed him, he’d gotten us home, easily. That entire ordeal probably could have been a few hours shorter if I hadn’t spent so much time freaking out.

“And I’ll get us home this time,” He said reassuringly. “You just have to calm down, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, trying to slow my breathing. I don’t know what I would have done without Mason. Sure he was a slob, but like he said, he always managed to get us home somehow. I wondered if he’d still be my friend if he knew I was trans. If the GAT sisters kept it up, he would find out sooner or later and the thought terrified me. Mason and I had been friends since the first grade. Well, sort of, he’d tried to borrow my pencil and I’d kicked him in the shin. I guess I was kind of an ass. Maybe I was still kind of an ass.

Mason sighed and sat down on the ground just next to the raised ledge that ran around the perimeter of the lake.

“Have a seat,” He said to me.

“I really don’t think this is the time,” I said as I looked around the cavern, trying to find another entrance, or exit, or whatever.

“Or have a stand,” He shrugged. “Either way, we need to talk.”

I begrudgingly sat down on the ledge, leaving a good distance between us.

“You’ve been acting weird lately, really, really weird.”

What did he define as weird?

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said defensively. “I’m just acting like myself.”

“Look, I try to mind my own business, but there’s something eating away at you and as your best friend, it’s my business to find out what your business is. Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?”

I wanted to audibly sigh, but for this, I couldn’t really let him know that there was ANYTHING wrong. I sat in silence, he simply stared off in another direction as I tried to come to terms with my situation. You know, breaking into the GAT house wasn’t spontaneous. It wasn’t just something I’d pulled out of my ass last night, though I kind of wish it had been. Wouldn’t it be nice if I were one of those college guys that got his rocks off breaking into sororities and sniffing panties? Yeah, it would. It had all started when I was a kid, I think. I remembered sitting with my mom in that orange car, the one she always bragged about buying for $200. God how long ago was this? Right, six years old. It was a really crappy car, actually. Another thing she’d bragged about was using a pencil to…to something. Something about the car not starting and using a pencil to hold it together. What on Earth had she been talking about? What did this have to do with anything?

I remembered looking at her as we sat there with the cold morning pushing against the barely heated interior. I’d looked at her and said “Mommy, am I a boy or a girl?” What a stupid question, really. I think she’d hesitated a moment before saying: “You’re my beautiful little boy.”

Of course, she’d said that, what else would she say? It didn’t feel right though. Something was way off about it. I’d never felt like a man, period. I guess my dad and I had done male type…things. We’d gone fishing, we’d worked in his garage after school, so many things that I’d never even wanted to do, and now I felt bad that those times had gone by so fast. Had I really put enough effort into a relationship with my parents? Was it really something I needed to worry about while I was stuck underground with Mason? I think part of my being distracted had to do with the fact that I still felt guilt over my parents. I hadn’t told them yet, but you know what? I’d have to tell them someday, wouldn’t I? I knew who they were, what they were like, and I knew that as soon as I told them, our relationship would never be the same. They might even disown me. It wasn’t that I was afraid, it was just the guilt that was creeping up inside me, occupying every square inch of my being. They had raised me, and I was going to betray them like this. You know what? To be perfectly honest, it was going to happen anyway, someday, at some point, but Aleah and the others, well, they might have sped things along a little. I had been so afraid in the moment, but what they’d done to me, no what they’d done for me, it had made me feel so alive. For the first time in my life, I was a woman. I was treated as a woman, and no one at that party thought any different. I was beginning to realize that for the first time in my life I had felt complete. Kind of like when I played my character, Audri in Dark Pantheon. Yeah, that was it, I’d been Audri. Audrey. In real life. I wanted that again. I wanted it so badly. It was a burning desire that washed over my very soul and made my skin crawl. I was addicted – addicted to being myself, and it wasn’t going to go away.

I felt Mason staring at me now; I’d been so lost in thought and he must have noticed. The space between us wasn’t nearly far enough; I thought about scooting over some more.

“I guess…” I finally said aloud, my voice rudely interrupting the ‘drip drip drip’ of water emanating from the cavern ceiling. “I guess I’m just worried about school starting, you know? I’m just…well there’s that math class coming up and you know I’m not good at math.”

Mason stared at me hard for a moment.

“That’s not it,” He said finally.

“That’s it,” I said, trying to sound as convincing as humanly possible. He didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him; why would he.

“You know, if you won’t talk to me, you should talk to Chastity,” He said, finally standing up from the ledge. “You need to talk to someone.”

I cringed a bit at the mention of my girlfriend. She’d been away for the summer, back home. I’d stayed at school; I really didn’t want to go back to my parents. Maybe I should have, because then my stupid little secret could stay buried, but now it was like someone had thrown an antacid tablet into a bottle of soda and closed the lid. It was bursting at the seams, screaming to get out. That was my reality. A secret that was going to destroy me whether it came out, or not. God, what was wrong with me?

“Now,” Mason said as he stood and clapped his hands. “Let’s see if we can find that cache. You know school starts next week and there’s something in here we can definitely use to entertain ourselves until then.”

We walked the perimeter of the cave, using Mason’s phone to periodically check the coordinates.

“Here we go,” He said, jumping off a small ledge near the lake and peering beneath. “Yup, it’s in this little cubby.”

He reached his arm beneath the ledge and pulled out a small, beaten metal box. Setting it on the ledge, he opened it up and pulled out an envelope. He opened it and peered inside.

“What is it?” I asked curiously, almost forgetting our predicament.

“Two codes for the new ‘Dark Pantheon’ expansion,” He said proudly.

“Are you…are you serious?” I gasped. I’d been seeing promotions for the expansion for a long time now, but I was dreading spending the $50 on it. Okay, yeah, I had enough money from my savings, but I was sort of picky about it. More so than Mason.”

“About as serious as I can get,” He said. “Now let’s find a way out of here. Think about this, if we can see, that means there’s light, and if there’s light, there’s a way out.”

I looked up, he was right, there was light coming from the cavern ceiling. Why hadn’t I noticed that?

“But…how do we get up there?”

“We climb,” Mason pointed to the wall at the far end of the cavern. “ I can see an opening up there, it’s pretty small, but if I’m right, it comes out in that little patch of woods near the park entrance.”

“So, we’re going to come out near the entrance,” I said. “How does that even make sense?”

“Means it’s a secret entrance to the cavern,” Mason shrugged. “People come down here to er…do stuff. I happen to know that the big boulder by the entrance is just sitting on top of a hole, you can open it right up and jump down here. Come on, let’s go push it open.”

“So that’s why you weren’t worried,” I said, annoyed.

”I was a little,” He admitted. “We could have been in the wrong cave.”

“Mason, how many caves are on campus?”

“Well, all of them.”

We climbed the rock wall, Mason more sure of himself than I was, but I somehow found myself at the top and crouched on the cramped ledge before he did. I noticed my hands were bruised and sore – I wondered how I was even going to play Dark Pantheon at this point.

“Come on, give it a push!” Mason said insistently. I reached upward, through the man-sized entrance and found my hands against stone. It was a rounded rock, one that felt out of place for where we were. It was rough, while the rest of the stone around us was smooth. I pushed hard, but I couldn’t get it to budge at first. I tried again, this time putting my back into it, and it began to roll – a little. Finally, I felt it roll. Just barely. Just enough for it to roll onto its side and daylight streamed into the cavern. I covered my eyes as the sun beat down onto my face. I emerged from the cave, my clothes were muddy, and I noticed that my hands were scraped raw from the climbing and pushing the stupid rock out of the way.

“Holy crap, I did it,” I said as I stood up in the daylight. I looked around from left, to right, and saw that we were in fact near the entrance to the park. Then, to my absolute horror, I saw Tiffany and Aleah standing next to the trail entrance, dressed in hiking gear.

Aleah stared at me, mouth agape, Tiffany looked unimpressed. She removed her phone from her pocket, typed something in, and I immediately heard my phone buzz. I looked at her, and she refused to stop staring at me. I finally took my phone from my pocket and saw her response to my earlier message: Yes.

I looked up again and they were already making their way down the trail.

“Hey!” Mason said from below me. “You want to move out of the way and let a guy up? I don’t want to die down here!”

Synopsis: The writer of the story suffers from an existential crisis as she realizes she wrote this exact same chapter in Allison's Pledge. She becomes even more disillusioned when she realizes that both times, she was stoned out of her ever loving mind. She still might be.

It was 1:30 PM by the time we got done with the caves and I made an excuse to head off on my own. I just didn’t feel like sitting in the dorm room playing Dark Pantheon. I can’t really explain it; usually I loved the game but now I just couldn’t keep my mind on it. I was thinking about something else, particularly the GAT house.

I wandered off into the park and walked one of the trails, though to be honest, I was never really much of a ‘nature’ person. I just did a lot of walking and thinking. It was quiet here, I liked that. I don’t know how long I walked, it had to be a least a mile, but finally I came onto a brick structure, practically grown into the side of an embankment for all the years it had been there. It was an old bathroom, one of those that didn’t even have flushable toilets – just holes in the ground. So, given that I didn’t have to pee, and it was a completely bad decision, why wouldn’t I explore the thing?

Across the threshold I could hear the atmosphere around me change. My footsteps echoed and the air was noticeably moist. I ran my fingers along the old cinderblock walls, feeling the moss beneath them. I smiled a little; I’d always loved exploring old buildings like this even if it was just a bathroom. The most interesting thing about old structures was the amount of history they held, even though it was never recorded. Who had been in here? What had they done, besides the obvious? Sometimes I used to look through old picture books and stare at the people, especially those from like the 40’s and 50’s wondering what their lives must have been like, what they were thinking in that moment. What were their hopes and fears? Were their lives similar to mine? That was all I was thinking of really as I pressed on through the darkness, waiting for my eyes to adjust.

Walking around, I peeked through one of the open doors and recoiled at the smell. Clearly those toilets hadn’t been pumped in a while. I reeled backwards, gripping the concrete wall for support. The cinderblock was cold beneath my hand. As I started to turn, I felt an impact in the small of my back, and suddenly, I flew forward, slamming into the wall in front of me. My face hit the cinderblock and I could feel the skin shred from my nose and forehead. I screamed, but out here, no one could have possibly heard me.

“You know how long I’ve been waiting to get you alone?” I heard the familiar voice of Mike Jones say from behind me. I rolled over, my back against the wall as I stared up at him. He was still wearing that stupid letter jacket. I wondered if he ever took it off. “You’ve been hanging around the Gamma house, and you know what? That’s going to stop.”

“You have this all wrong Mik—” I started to say, but a work boot impacted the side of my face. I couldn’t believe how badly it hurt. Before I could even recover, he’d grabbed me by the back of my shirt and dragged me further into the bathroom. He hit me again, this time on the fleshy part of my shoulder and dropped me onto the floor. I laid there, against the putrid concrete, arms folded against my stomach as the pain radiated from the front of my stomach all the way to my spine. Every time I attempted to speak, I simply choked. I saw purplish red blood seeping onto the floor. Was that mine? I vaguely heard the sound of a sink being filled, and then, I was being lifted. I caught a glimpse of my face in the cracked, filthy mirror just before my head was dunked into the filthy water. I struggled. I felt my lungs burn. I struggled against his grip, but I couldn’t get my head to break the surface of the water. It seemed like forever. I knew that the human body could withstand up to three minutes without air; how long did I have here? Before I could wonder any further, he tore my head from the sink and I gasped for air. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my chest burned with the expansion of my lungs. I wanted to say something, but what?

As soon as I took a breath, he dunked my head again. I tried to take a breath this time, but only managed to get a lung full of water. He held me under again, I don’t know for how long, but soon I found myself looking at my face in the mirror again. I was bruised, battered. My left eye was swollen, I could see blood on my lip.

“Now you listen to me, you little shit,” Mike said. “The Gamma house is off limits to you. If I see you there again, it’s going to be worse next time. Got it?”

I couldn’t do much other than moan.

He responded by dragging me toward one of the holes in the ground. The toilet.

“Gotta teach you a lesson,” He said, almost happily.

“Mike, don’t,” I gasped as I realized what he was about to do.

“You couldn’t have picked a better place,” He said proudly as he held my head over the open hole. The smell of shit and untold other substances floated upward, invading my nostrils as I hyperventilated and struggled against his grip. It was hopeless. “because, if I find you at Gamma again, I’m going to throw you in there, and it’s deep enough that you won’t get out, and NO ONE will find you here.”

With that, he slammed me into the ground. I would have screamed but I no longer had the energy or even the willpower. I don’t know long I laid there after he left. I could feel my blood, sticky against my face, and the horrid smell from the toilet crept into my nostrils. I must have vomited a few times, I could see a pool of it in front of me. I blacked out a few times, that I’m sure of, and when I finally came to for the last time, it was dark outside, and pitch black inside the concrete bathroom. I slowly peeled myself off of the floor; every inch of me ached and burned. I finally managed to pull myself upright and dragged myself to the wall to sit upright. I coughed and sputtered, wheezing with every single breath. There was no way I was going to walk out of here; I couldn’t even remember how far I was from the start of the trail.

“What the hell,” muttered. I reached an aching hand into my left pocket and pulled out my phone. The screen was cracked, but with a few presses of the ‘home’ button, I managed to bring it to life. It took me a long moment to comprehend the icons scattered across the display, but I finally found the message button, pressed it, and brought up the menu. I saw a dozen texts from Tiffany and Aleah, most of them simply saying “Where are you?”. I wanted to answer so badly. I wanted to ask them for help. I’d never wanted anything so bad in my entire life, and I don’t know why. Instead, I scrolled until I found Mason’s message box. I sent two words: “Help me” and shared my location. My hand weakened, the phone stopped and clattered against the ground and my vision blurred. I felt myself getting weaker and weaker. Finally, I faded out of reality, or at least I thought.

“Well, you’ve gotten yourself into it, haven’t you?” I heard Mason say. I opened my eyes a bit and saw him squatting in front of me, arms crossed atop his kneecaps, and wearing that red leather jacket the he had on all the time. He wasn’t here, of course; he couldn’t have shown up that quickly.

“Mason,” I muttered. “Are you really here?”

“Either that or you have an active imagination,” He said, standing up and striding toward the other side of the bathroom. He stopped in front of the opposite row of sinks and examined himself in one of the busted mirrors. “You mind telling me what you’ve been up to?”

“I messed up, Mason,” I confessed. “You know I just –”

“You just like getting all dolled up and pretending you’re a girl, is that it?”

“Okay, now I know you’re not really here,” I said. “Mason wouldn’t know that.”

“You’re probably right,” He said, turning around and making eye contact with me. “You’re always so damn secretive, you don’t let anyone in, why is that?”

“You know why.”

“Right,” Mason said, walking toward me. He didn’t stop until he was a few feet from me, and suddenly dropped down, until his face was just a few inches from mine. “Because YOU don’t want them to learn your dirty little secret.”

“Of all the freaking hallucinations I could have had right now, why did it have to be you?”

“It’s your nightmare,” Mason said as he shifted into Tiffany. “Can be anyone you want.”

“Okay, that’s a little better.”

“You’re probably dying on a bathroom floor,” Tiffany said. “I don’t see how it’s better.”

“That’s just me escalating things, like Mason said,” I shrugged, or at least I tried to shrug. It felt like knives were digging into my shoulders.
“Let’s just cut to the chase here,” She said, standing with her arms crossed, as the real Tiffany often would. “You don’t let people in, because you haven’t let yourself in yet. You’re still walking around in that stupid male body, pretending to be a guy. You hate yourself, so why would you want people to like you, or even know you?”

“I think you’re full of shit,” I said angrily, my head rolling to the side.

There was probably more to that whole exchange, that fight raging inside my head, but I never got to see much more of it. The scene simply faded into lights and colors as I let myself go. I remembered once, well maybe more than once, my dad had said to me “Todd, if you think you have a concussion, don’t go to sleep.”. I don’t know if I had a concussion, but I was definitely sleepy. I just couldn’t --

“Are you awake?” Mason asked. His voice seemed far away.

“Mason?”

“Todd?”

The bathroom faded from my sight, torn away like a discarded canvas, and was replaced by the pale white of a hospital room. I heard the whirring of machinery, and felt the pain of a needle in my arm. It wasn’t a proper hospital room – that much I could tell. At my feet I could see a blue curtain, the only shield between me and a bustling emergency room.

Mason was sitting beside the bed, he looked uncharacteristically concerned. He wouldn’t be so concerned if he knew the truth.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“The hospital dude, what happened to you?”

“I know that,” I said sharply. “Which hospital?”

I have no idea why it mattered which hospital we were at.

“Um…Woodcrest, where else?”

“Right.”

“Dude your phone’s been buzzing like crazy, someone named Tiffany keeps texting you – I didn’t know you talked to girls.”

“What?”

“I don’t know man, I thought you were gay there for a while.”

I blinked.

“Mason, I will get off this bed and—”

Before I could finish my sentence the curtain flew open, and Julia Stenson strode in. Still in plain clothes like the last time I saw her, but this time her badge was clearly visible.

“Okay,” She said to me, as she wasted no time pulling a notepad from her blazer pocket. “We’re going to make this short and sweet. You tell me what happened and –”

“I fell,” I told her as I looked at the ceiling.

“Oh no,” She said, shaking her head. “No no no, we’re not playing that game. You’re going to tell me exactly what happened to you.”

“Nothing happened,” I said in a monotone voice. “I just slipped in the bathroom.”

“You slipped and fell, in the bathroom,” She repeated after me. “Did the bathroom punch you in the face?”

“It was particularly aggressive.”

“Dude,” Mason said softly. “You didn’t fall. This didn’t happen because of a fall.”

“I’m clumsy, you know that,” I said quickly. “You saw me at the cave, I’m like a bull in a china wagon.”

“Cupboard,” Mason corrected.

“What?”

“Bull in a china cupboard. What the hell is a china wagon?”

Julia closed her eyes briefly and raised her hands in the air.

“Okay,” She said. “Todd, you listen to me, and you listen to me closely. No one is after you, except maybe the person who did this to you. I get it, you’re not going to tell me. I have a feeling I know why, but I want you to know, right now, here, that I’m going to find out.”

I stared at her coldly, my eyes betraying no emotion.

“I fell.”

“Yeah, I get it,” She said, slamming the notepad shut and placing it back in her pocket. “You’re not going to talk to me for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t like me, maybe you’re afraid, I don’t know what your reason is, but whatever it is, you WILL talk to her.”

She motioned toward the open curtain. I looked. Tiffany stood with her arms crossed, leaning against the wall. How had she found me this fast? Of course, Julia had called her. Why did they have to have a friend who worked at the police station? I closed my eyes in utter defeat as Julia left the room and Tiffany strode toward the bed.

“Dude,” Mason said. “THAT Tiffany? You know THAT Tiffany? Who are you? I don’t even know you anymore!”

Tiffany pointed at Mason.

“You, out,” She snapped at him.

“Hey, Todd is my best friend, I have as much right to-“

“Out!” She repeated louder. Mason backed away from the hospital bed, nodding.

“Alright, alright lady, you don’t have to tell me twice.”

She waited until he was gone and then briskly walked over to close the curtain.

“I want a name,” She said as she walked back to the bed.

I stayed silent.

“Let me try this again,” She hissed as she grabbed the side of my pillow and glared at me. “I don’t like you much, I think you’re a bitch, I think you got more sympathy than you deserved, but Aleah likes you, a lot. I don’t know why, but because she likes you, I’m going to get to the bottom of this, for her.”

I shook my head and pulled myself up, trying to push one of legs off the side of the bed. I had to get out of there. Like lightning, she was standing in front of me, but she didn’t make a move to stop me. She simply watched as I struggled against the mattress which seemed to be swallowing me up every time I tried to lift myself.

“Did we do something wrong?” She asked me.

I stopped.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, did we do something wrong, to you?”

“I don’t know what you—”

“When you snuck into our house and played dress-up in Aleah’s clothes, did we…have you sent to jail?”

“No, but –“

“Did we somehow hurt you by letting you help us at that party, and letting you be who you really were for an entire day?”

“No!”

“Do you feel as if we violated you somehow?”

I shook my head. She stepped closer to me, her gaze cutting through me like a million knives.

“Then sit down, AUDREY!” She shouted, practically at the top of her lungs. Her voice rang throughout the slam concrete room, I swore I heard the world come to a pause for a moment behind the curtain as patients and medical staff tried to figure out what the screaming was about.

I fell back into the bed. My head slammed against the pillow. I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for breath. She knew my name. I’d said it so many times on the forums, I’d signed posts with it, I’d even named my in-game character after her, but I’d never uttered it out loud, and I’d never heard anyone else say it. Of course she knew it; she’d read the forum posts. There was no way she wouldn’t know it…but she hadn’t used it until now. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, seeing the fire and absolute anger in her eyes as she towered over me.

“If you don’t want to tell me, then you don’t want to tell me,” She said, letting go of the bed and pacing around to the foot of it and leaning down. “But there are going to be consequences.”

Was she actually threatening me? No, of course she was, why was I even asking that.

“From now on, you don’t go anywhere alone. You’ll be with one of us-“

“That’s not going to work,” I said. “I have to go my dorm at some point-“

“And you will, but one of us will be by in the morning to walk with you to class when it starts. When you need to go somewhere, you text one of us. Don’t leave on your own; we’ll know if you do.”

“This is bullshit,” I said, though my tone was one of utter defeat.

Tiffany stepped close to me and sneered.

“Let me fill you in on something,” She said. “In case you didn’t know, you walked into our house, and you started this. Then, Aleah gave you a way out. You could have walked. Now here’s another hard truth. We know who did this, we know exactly who did this, but since you won’t tell us, there’s nothing we can do about it. No proof, no crime, right? So we’re going to do everything in our power to protect you, even if it smothers you, because we bear as much responsibility as you do. Even if Aleah has other reasons.”

Other reasons? What other reasons did Aleah have? I felt like I wasn’t supposed to ask, so I didn’t.

“I don’t want to help you,” Tiffany said. “That’s all there is to it really. You put us in the middle of this, so you’re going to be as miserable as I am. They’re discharging you in about an hour. I’ll drive you home. Don’t leave your dorm.”

I sat in the GAT living room early the next morning. Aleah had not only called me, she had sent Isabella to pick me up. The entire ride had gone by in complete silence. The other day, she’d done my makeup and chatted away, but now she was rigid, anxious. She’d said nothing as we pulled up in front of the house and stepped out of the car, nothing at all. I’d followed her to the house and up the steps, looking around nervously for signs of Mike. When we stepped inside the house, there were more GAT sisters than I remembered. I knew this was a big house, but there were at least thirty girls in here. Some of them were sitting on the sectional couch, others stood behind it. They all stared at me, some of them looked angry, others simply looked sad. I felt broken. I knew I was walking with a limp and my chest hurt with every single breath that I brought into my lungs. Aleah had instructed me to sit on the couch between two women I had never met.

Aleah stared at me in deafening silence for a time, and I didn’t dare say a word. Finally, she sighed and said, “Are you okay?”

I nodded. She stared at me for a bit longer. For the first time I noticed Olivia sitting behind her, staring at me intently, maybe more so than Aleah.

“Here’s the deal,” She said. “When we caught you a few days ago we could have had you arrested and that would have been the end of it. Truthfully? I should have, but I didn’t. I took pity on you. Let me tell you why.”

Aleah paused to gather herself. She had something important to tell me, and for all intents and purposes, I was her captive audience. I was too hurt to force myself up, and there was no way I could have made it out with all these girls here to stop me.

“First and foremost,” She said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were attacked, that’s an irrefutable fact. It happened. What you’re doing wrong, is not telling us who did it. Like it or not, you’re connected to GAT in a way now, and if you get hurt, or killed, it’s going to make us look bad. You see, Audrey, I had a friend like you once, back in high school, but she never got a chance to transition. Her parents wouldn’t allow it, and now? Now she’s dead. You understand that, right? You’re not her. You can never BE her, but if she were here, she would tell me to help you. She would tell me not to leave you behind. SHE would tell me that your life is worth something. See, Audrey, I’m not helping you, I’m helping myself, and you’re helping me. Yeah, I’m selfish. I’m selfish to the core. I’m going to admit that right here in front of you because I don’t care. I want revenge. I want revenge for all of the years we don’t get to spend together now. All of the laughs, the midnight coffee runs, the hours we could have spent studying, laughing, loving, all of it stolen from me, and her, by her parents. Just because she was like you. You’re not her, but helping you is going to help me get through this.”

She walked briskly toward me and leaned in. In that moment, I was more terrified of her than I had ever been of Tiffany. I truly felt as if she was going to rip me to shreds.

“I’m going to ask you a question once, and you’re going to answer it. You don’t want to find out what happens if you don’t answer it,” Aleah turned and pointed to Olivia. “Was it her boyfriend?”

I was frozen in absolute terror. The seconds seemed to pass by like hours. I didn’t want to answer her. I was afraid, so afraid. My heart pounded inside my chest as Aleah pointed toward Olivia who stared at me in a mix of anticipation and horror. Finally, at long last, I said it, but it barely came out as a whisper.

“Yes.”

In an instant her expression softened. It’s hard to explain, but she almost looked compassionate. I was still terrified of her, but I felt as if I didn’t need to be.

“Stand up,” She said. The two girls beside me stood and helped me to my feet. She stepped toward me, and then two my absolute shock, she embraced me. I felt my fears melt away in an instant and for the first time since the hospital, I felt safe.

“I’m sorry honey,” She said. “I’m sorry I put you through that just now, but we had to know, okay?”

I had no response. I cried into her shoulder. I don’t know how long I stood there with her. Until my legs gave out, at least, and then I found myself back on the couch, staring in stunned silence. Olivia was gone. She’d walked out at some point during that exchange. Julia walked forward, I hadn’t noticed her there before.

“Okay,” Julia said as she pulled up a kitchen chair directly in front of me. She sat there with her notepad out and stared directly into my eyes. “We’re going to talk about Mike.”

“I…I don’t really know him,” I muttered, trying desperately to break eye contact with her and failing. “I just…ran into him.”

“So what the other girls tell me is that you ran into him on the porch here when you came for the party?”

My face reddened. Of course, she knew about the party.

“Yeah he just…tried to get me to leave…”

“You know he doesn’t have the right to do that, right?”

“I mean, I guess…”

“No,” Julia said, snapping her fingers and directing my attention to her, fully. “You are supposed to be here, he doesn’t have the right to tell you to leave, ever. This is important, are you listening?”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t let him, or anyone else intimidate you, period. Most importantly, don’t put yourself in danger. You don’t know these girls from Adam, but they know more about you than you know about yourself, thanks to all the forum posts.”

I hung my head at the mention of the posts. I suddenly started to wish that I’d never heard of the internet, or forums, or GAT.
“If they weren’t obligated to help you before, they are now, because you getting curb stomped? It’s not going to look good for them, not after all this. You do what they tell you, and what I tell you, understand?”

“Yeah.”

She asked me a few more questions, I answered them truthfully, and she left. The girls began to talk amongst themselves, but I didn’t hear a word they said. All I could concentrate on were Aleah’s words: “You’re not her.”. I’d never felt so small as I did in that moment. I was only here because she’d taken pity on me.

Finally, once the room was empty, I managed to rise from the couch and wandered toward the stairs. Resting against the bannister, I heard voices coming from the landing. It was Amelie and Aleah arguing, their voices were heated.

“Your little ‘experiment’ nearly turned into a scandal, Aleah,” Amelie hissed. “You could have just let her get arrested and be done with it. Now what are we supposed to do?”

“Send her home once Mike is out of the way, she can figure things out for herself,” Aleah said.

“Oh no, no, no, no. Then what, she goes and tells everyone that GAT nearly got her killed? No, I’m not risking an investigation. They’ll come in here and start removing people. You know this doesn’t end well.”

“We didn’t almost get her killed! It’s not our fault that Olivia is dating a psychopath!”

“Oh my god, Aleah,” I heard Amelie say in a completely exasperated tone. I could picture her angry hand motions, even though I couldn’t see them from down here. “You knew what he was like, you probably could have figured out what he would do if you’d put some thought into it! But you let this ‘thing’ continue and Audrey could have been found dead in a public toilet. Maybe there weren’t going to be any legal repercussions, but do you know what that could do to the house reputation?”

“What do you want me to do exactly?”

“Help her figure out her transition. She wants it, or she wouldn’t have come back.”

“You know, it’s not my fault Olivia has a psycho boyfriend.”

“Do you really think National is going to see it that way? Are you going to be running that line into the ground when the NPC gets involved? Fix this, Aleah.”

I didn’t want to hear the rest. It was time for me to go. They clearly had things under control and I was a problem. I didn’t want to be a problem. I turned toward the door and began to limp. Walking behind the sectional couch, I was able to use it for support, and finally managed to reach the door. I was about to turn the handle when Aleah’s voice came from the other side of the room.

“I’m going to make it right,” She said. I froze in my tracks, my fingertips just millimeters above the doorknob. “I promise you, I’m going to help you.”

I lowered my hand and pathetically turned around, grabbing the wall for support and nearly falling over.

“I don’t deserve your help,” I told her quietly. “I’m the problem, Aleah. I could have gone about this a million different ways, but I didn’t. I broke into your house, I put on that dress, I did wrong. I did wrong, Aleah, not you. You need to live your life, I need to live mine.”

“Let me tell you what’s wrong,” She said angrily as she strode toward me around the other side of the couch. “What’s wrong is that you felt you had to sneak into a sorority house and try on a stupid dress. What’s wrong is that you have to hide who you are from your best friend. That’s what’s wrong. You’re terrified of people finding out the truth because you’re afraid of what they’ll think of you and you’ve been conditioned to think that way. That’s the saddest thing ever and it makes me sick to my stomach, so why don’t you do me a favor and let me help you, so I can get over my own grief.”

“It’s a little selfish, I totally agree with what you said earlier,” I said to her.

“Yeah, it’s selfish,” Aleah said. “It’s super freaking selfish but look at it this way. You owe me. You owe me a lot. I didn’t get you arrested, I didn’t make fun of you, I accepted you, as you are, so why don’t you just play along with me for a little while longer.”

“I would do it,” Tiffany said. She was apparently standing behind the kitchen counter. “You know how many trans girls would kill to have a house full of sorority girls help with their transition? It’s not like we just take time out of our day to do this crap. We have lives, you know.”

“That was really eloquent, Tiffany,” Aleah shot towards her.

“Yeah, I’m a real wordsmith,” Tiffany agreed.

“Come on,” Aleah said, taking both of my hands in hers. “If nothing else, do it to help yourself. You don’t have to come out to anyone, you can just…come over here, we can show you how to do your makeup, we can even hook you up with some doctors. There are so many things we can help you with.”

She wasn’t wrong; I did need the help, and to be perfectly honest, I knew that if I told her no, I would regret it for the rest of my life, so I nodded, and uttered some form of agreement.

“Okay,” She said. “Then let’s get started.”

“Come on Todd!” Mason said insistently from across the room as his fingers worked the keyboard like an instrument. “Let’s see that epic DPS you’re always talking about”

“I’m trying!” I shouted back. “This thing has mad adds!”

We were deep in a Dark Pantheon raid, fighting the final boss. I was running low on health potions and the boss’s adds were shielding it from any physical attacks. The only thing I could get through its shields were weak frostbolt attacks but that just wasn’t cutting it.

“Target the adds then!” Mason said. “They’re weak to fire.”

“I’m not specced for fire,” I said regretfully. “I’m a frost mage.”

“Didn’t you read the notes I sent you?” He asked as he continued to pound the keyboard. “You could have respecced for fire before you came in here!”

“You’re just now bringing this up?” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been chucking ice this entire time and you haven’t noticed?”

“Not my job to notice, dude,” He said. “Just hit the adds!”

“I’m trying to hit the adds, they have an interrupt ability”

Mason pressed ‘CTRL’ on his keyboard to activate the voice chat.

“Hey John,” He said, speaking to the other DPS player, a ranger. “Can you hit Todd’s target to distract it? It’s interrupting.”

“Yeah, sure thing,” I heard John’s voice from the other end of the connection. He then added: "Fucking pussy."

"The hell did he just say?" I demanded as I growled and pounded my keyboard, spitting out abilities as quickly as possible while my mana bar depleted like my self esteem on a blind date.

"He said you're a great guy and he's really happy to have the opportunity to play with that."

"No, I said he's a pussy," John's voice crackled through the speakers again.

"He also says you have the best DPS of anyone he's ever played with."

It took about three hours but we finally stood over the body of the final boss, divided the loot and teleported out of the dungeon. I sighed in relief. Yeah it was exciting but I couldn’t stop thinking about GAT; I wanted to be there. I wanted to be Audrey. I couldn’t be Audrey right now. I checked my phone, desperately looking for a text from Aleah, or Tiffany, or Isabella, but they were silent right now. I thought about texting one of them but honestly, why would they want to hear from me?

I leaned back in the chair and thought about driving back into Pantheon for a little bit but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
“You wanna get that?” Mason asked as he concentrated on his screen. Yeah, why not.

I stood up and made my way to the door, careful to avoid Mason’s side of the room. I didn’t want to cut my bare foot on a soda can or something. I reached the threshold and stepped over the tape line that we’d set at the front. The agreement was that nothing could be set over that line that would obstruct the door. You know like burger wrappers, soda cans, whatever. If I’d left Mason unchecked he would have had us entombed in here with a mountain of crap from his gaming binges. Some days I really wished we could have afforded one of the bigger dorms.
I rubbed my eyes and pulled the door open.

“Chastity!” I said happily. My girlfriend stood in the doorway grinning at me. We embraced in a tight hug, and the first thing I noticed was the material of her jacket. God, I wanted to wear that. Maybe when she set it down – no, wait, that was a bad idea.

“Hey you,” She said as she broke the embrace. “How was your break?”

“It was um…it was good,” I decided I probably shouldn’t fill her in on all of the specifics.”

“How was yours?”

“Hey! You two!” Mason shouted from the other side of the dorm. “In or out, don’t stand there with the door open. I’m a nocturnal creature!”
He held his hands up like claws and hissed, putting emphasis on ‘nocturnal creature’.

“Right, sorry,” I said as I ushered Chastity outside. I really didn’t want to bring her into our filthy dorm. We stepped outside onto the long balcony overlooking the campus. As I looked down into the parking lot I could see two joggers running by dressed in GAT gear. They weren’t that far from their house but it was definitely a weird route to travel; probably watching me.

“Well you know,” She said. “We went up to my parent’s cabin, hung out in nature, all that good stuff. It was boring without you. Really boring. How did your job interview go?”

I hadn’t been able to join her on summer vacation because of that stupid job interview at the Woodcrest Globe. I hadn’t even gotten the job. Not surprising; I hadn’t even started school yet but I could have at least worked in the mail room. I shook my head.

“Didn’t get it,” I said sadly. She nodded.

“I’m sorry hun, but hey, that means more time for us to spend together, and you still have your scholarship so it’ll be fine, right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Definitely.”

She smiled and touched my cheek. I smiled back and hugged her again. For some reason I kept noticing that her lipstick was smudged.
“So what do you want to do?” She asked. “I was thinking Chinese?’

“Chinese sounds amazing,” I said. Lots of starch in Chinese food. It would burn off fast.

As I looked into her eyes I realized two things. The first was how much I loved her. Honestly I had since the first time I’d laid eyes on her and was too nervous to even walk within five feet of her, let alone ask her out on a date. The second thing was that all of this was in danger of ending. What would happen if she found out I was trans. No, more like what would happen when she found out. I could have stopped it all, maybe. I could just stop going to the GAT house, I could ignore their texts. They would probably even leave me alone; they were too busy to pursue me, I think. Would I be happy if I did that, though? Time was working against me, and it wouldn’t be long before I had to make a choice. Literally her, or my sanity. Unless of course she was somehow okay with it all. Was our love really strong enough to survive that?

“Well let’s go,” She smiled as she led me toward the stairs. Life was good, at least for now.

“Alright pledges, listen up!” I shouted, pacing back and forth in front of a row of traumatized girls. I grinned widely seeing them tremble beneath their blindfolds and I swear one of them was about to fall out of the metal folding chair we’d shoved her into. “Here’s how it’s going to work. I’m going to ask you some questions. Answer them correctly, nothing happens. Answer them wrong, and you get a little surprise! Does everyone understand the rules?”

I heard some scattered acknowledgement and I think a few whimpers. I shouldn’t have expected much more at 3 in the morning. We’d dragged them out of their beds, after all.

“I don’t think I heard you right, Pledges!” I barked. I was doing my best to sound aggressive. Truth is I was holding in some serious laughter. To my right I saw Aleah standing in the corner looking at me completely uninterested.

“Yes Miss Tiffany!” They all shouted, almost in unison, except for Audrey who I think was more confused than the rest of them. She probably should have been; she wasn’t a pledge, after all.

“That’s a little better, but we’ll have to work on it!” My voice rang hard against the basement walls. I hated using the GAT house basement for this; it meant that someone would have to clean it up later.

“Um excuse me,” Audrey said, not even attempting a feminine voice. “Why am I here?”

I would have rolled my eyes for dramatic measure if any of them could see me, but instead I just tried to sound as bitchy as I could.
“Because we have things to teach you Audrey, and I’m a little busy, so I have to shove everything into one, now shut up and listen. Pledges! Remove your blindfolds!”

I stood as patiently as possible as they removed their blindfolds. They were slow as molasses, and none of them looked great. One of them, Hailey, was struggling with the blindfold literally stuck in her frizzy and now matted hair. She gave up at some point, having pulled it off but leaving it stuck to the side of her head thanks to static electricity. Audrey had red indents on the side of her face, as if she’d been asleep on the carpet in her dorm. I would have to ask about that later.

“If you ladies are DONE,” I said, crossing my arms and doing my best Satan impression as I glared at them. “First thing’s first. The person next to you is now your pledge buddy, you’ll be with them at all times. That doesn’t go for you, Audrey.”

It was unspoken for Audrey; ever since the Mike incident a few days ago, one of us had been with her practically 24/7. I was really glad she was low maintenance, other than being a potential target.

“Now that you know the rules,” Aleah said, stepping from the shadows and addressing the horrified pledges. “You’re going to be asked questions about your sorority. The sorority that YOU pledged to. I hope you remember what we told you about it during rush week, or better yet, maybe you read your handbook?”

The pledges looked at eachother. Of course they hadn’t read their handbooks, it was the first week, well, actually the first few days. We probably shouldn’t have been hazing them this early on but hey, what the hell right? Though to be perfectly honest, if the Greek council found out that we were actually hazing our pledges, I mean really hazing them, there would be hell to pay.

“If any of you leave this room,” I said, stepping in again “For any reason – ANY reason at all, you fail, and you and your pledge buddy will be removed from Gamma Alpha Tau. Trust me, you don’t want your membership in this sorority to end this early on.”

“Okay you know what,” Audrey said, standing up. “I’m not a pledge, I can’t be kicked out so –”
“If Audrey leaves, everyone fails,” I said. Immediately, the two girls on either side of her grabbed her by the arms and pulled her back into her chair.
I took my attention off Audrey and walked over to a random girl. Ashley, I think was her name. She was kind of a cute red head, freckles and all. Should probably mention that she was tiny, so tiny that she would probably be swimming in my clothes if she were so inclined to try them.
“You, pledge,” I unfolded my arms to point at her. She sat straight up like a lightning rod. “What’s your name?”

“Um..my name is…Ashley,” She stammered. Well hey, I got it right.

“Wrong!” I snapped. She jerked back like I’d shot her. I grabbed a handful of her red hair, gently. She cringed. “You kind of remind me of a red velvet cupcake. I’m gonna call you cupcake.”

I heard a few of the other girls snicker.

“Hey!” I clapped my hand to get their attention. “Over the course of the next three months, you will remain pledges to Gamma Alpha Tau! Those of you who make it to initiation will do so because you learned to rely on eachother. Now with that being said, that means you need to work together, support eachother, come together! Do I make myself clear?”

There was a stunned silence, as I expected.

“I said –” I started to shout, but they cut me off before I could finish with a chorus of ‘Yes Miss Tiffany’. Audrey said nothing. She looked angry, actually. Of course she was angry, we’d dragged her out of bed at three in the morning. “Audrey.”

As I said her name she looked up at me. I glared at her in absolute silence, you probably could have heard a pin drop in the cramped basement. I briefly heard Aleah shifting positions from her observation spot over by our washing machine.

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” Audrey said quietly.

I fought the urge to smile. I can be a sadistic bitch sometimes.

Before I go any further I should probably explain what was happening here. Okay, you already know what a hazing is, but what was the deal with Audrey. To put it simply: Audrey, formerly known as Todd, had been surfing Transgender forums and social media groups trying to figure out who she was. Her little search somehow ended in her breaking into the Gamma house and putting on a dress belonging to our chapter president. Just when we were getting ready to ruin her life, Aleah, came across the internet history on her phone, and from there on out, for some reason, we decided to try to help her transition. Okay, let me correct myself: Aleah decided to help. I think it was a mistake, and honestly, with school starting up, who had time for all this? So, in order to speed up the process, it was my idea to interlude her transition with our pledge hazing. A little bit cruel? Yeah, but what’s a gender transition without a little trauma?

I stepped over to the girl beside Ashley, really cute, definitely younger than me, and with bright blonde hair.

“I’m gonna call you lemondrop,” I said snidely. “Goes with your hair.”

The girls snickered again. I looked over at Audrey again who was staring at me intently. I paused for a moment and then stepped over to her.

“And what’s your name?” I asked her, bending over to speak to her at eye level. Her chair was clattering against the ground; she was shaking.

“It’s um…it’s…Audrey,” She said. I could tell she was still uncomfortable saying it out loud; it came out as a half-whisper.

“Again.”

“My name is…Audrey.,” She repeated with a little more confidence. “Are…you going to give me a nickname too.”

I shook my head and moved on.

Finally, reaching the next pledge, I asked the first question.

“You, beanstalk!” I said to a taller, lanky brunette who looked as if she’d never sat in a chair in her life. Seriously, she was sprawled all over it like a spider. “What year was Gamma Alpha Tau founded? You have five seconds, go!”

“Uh..eighteen….” She said, her voice trailing off, her eyes wide.

“Eighteen isn’t even a year!” I barked at her.

“Eighteen-Ninety-seven!” She suddenly choked out.

“Well look at that,” I said. “We have ourselves a little know-it-all here. The boys aren’t going to like that very much!”

More snickering.

“You!” I moved on to the next girl. “What does GAT stand for?”

“I…” She stuttered. I glared at her.

“Come on!” I taunted. “You can’t tell me you joined a house and didn’t learn the motto!”

“It’s uh—,” She was close to tears now.

“Do you want to quit?” I asked her. “Go ahead and walk out the door right now, take your buddy with you!”

“I..no, I don’t want to quit!” She sobbed. “I just don’t—”

I looked up to Lauren and Isabella standing in the darkness behind them. I nodded. They both came forward and hoisted a huge white bucket over the pledge’s head – it took both of them to lift the thing. Suddenly, the pledge was covered in off-brand chocolate syrup. She shrieked and raised her hands to her head, grasping at her matted hair, then tried to rub the chocolate from her eyes. I stepped closer to her, took a finger, and rubbed a but of chocolate from just under her eye.

“Your tears are delicious,” I said with a twisted grin as I licked my finger.

The rest of the session went about as well as I could have expected; every pledge soaked in chocolate syrup, one of them had fallen out of her chair and was rocking back and forth on the concrete floor. The only person in the lineup completely untouched was Audrey; I hadn’t asked her any questions. How could I? She didn’t know anything about our house. Nevertheless, I walked to her.

“Audrey,” I said. She stared up at me like a deer in headlights. “If you get this wrong, everyone here gets a bucket. You’d better be ready.”

“I can’t—” She stated to say. I pressed a single finger to her lips and shushed her. She looked completely defeated.

Smiling, I reached into my pocket and produced a liquid eyeliner pen.

“If you’ve been practicing like we told you,” I said. “Then you’ll be able to draw a straight line from one end of your eyelid to the other.”

I grabbed her right and shoved the pen into it.

“I’m waiting.”

If she’d been afraid before, she’d elevated it to a completely new level. I think her teeth were chattering.

“You’d better get this right,” The girl next to her said through gritted teeth.

“Remember,” I said. “If you get this wrong, EVERYONE suffers. That includes you, Audrey.”

“I know!” Audrey suddenly snapped.

“Female voice, Audrey,” I sighed. “Pitch it up.”

“Fine!” She was trying.

I stood and waited. With a shaking hand she raised the pen to her eyelid and as soon as she made contact, she twitched and drew a line halfway up her forehead. I shook my head and looked to the two behind her chair.

As I took a step back, they dumped the bucket over Audrey’s head, and I swear she screamed louder than any of the other girls here. Yeah, she had to have, from the way they looked at her.

“Oh knock it off, Audrey!” Isabella called out from behind the row of chairs. I had to agree, she actually managed to slide out of her chair and slammed into the basement floor, rubbing her eyes and generally freaking out.

“Audrey, get back on the chair,” I commanded. She wasn’t listening. I sighed and motioned to the Lauren and Isabella who reached down and picked up the burlap bags, filled with down feathers.

“You know,” I said to the pledges. “I was going to give you a pass, but this is the most pathetic display I’ve ever seen.”

As soon as I finished that statement, they opened the sacks and dumped the feathers on the pledges, none of whom made a sign movement. If I had to use one word to describe them, I think it would probably be rage. Silent, terrible rage. I feel like if I’d been alone, someone would have found my body buried under the football field twenty years from now.

I stayed silent for a moment, allowing the entire thing to sink in. Then, finally, I spoke, pointing to Audrey who was still rocking on the floor.

“You all have a task. Audrey needs to learn to do her makeup properly, and you’re all going to help her. I want her to learn contouring highlighting, eye shadow, eyeliner, I want her to know fifty different ways to wear lipstick, and I want it in the next day. There are ten of you, you should be able to figure it out between all of you. Now, get out of here, get some sleep. Audrey, stay behind for a moment.”

It’s not like I had to tell her to stay behind; I don’t think she could have peeled herself off of the floor anyway. We waited until the traumatized pledges and piled out of the basement door and into the night before approaching her.

“Audrey, are you okay?” Aleah asked. She didn’t answer.

“Audrey!” Lauren snapped. Audrey immediately looked up.

“What’s wrong with you?” I demanded. “It was chocolate syrup.”

“I don’t…I don’t know…,” Audrey said, finally beginning to relax a little. “It’s just that…I guess…I’ve been by this house and…seen you guys...out a lot and…I didn’t think you were capable of this…”

There was a moment of stunned silence. We all stood there trying to comprehend what had just been said to us by the chocolate coated girl on the floor. Aleah was the first to break the silence, her hysterical laughter echoing through the concrete room.

“Audrey,” I said. “Have you ever like…watched those college movies where pledges get hazed? Like any? At all?”

“Well yeah, but they were just movies,” She said.

Aleah and I looked at eachother incredulously.

“You know that GAT is always called the toughest sorority on campus, right?” Lauren smirked a bit.

“Well yeah but—”

“Audrey, honey,” I said, crouching down beside her. “Listen, you really want to experience being a woman, right?”

She nodded slowly.

“Okay, you just got hazed by a sorority. As a woman. I mean, you can be happy about that, right?”

“You’re really not supposed to coddle her after the fact,” Isabella said, her arms folded.

“She’s right,” I said to Audrey who was a bit more relaxed now. I reached a hand out to help her up and cringed when I realized it was sticky. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Okay,” She nodded.

“Good. Now stand up, there’s a shower stall over there in the corner…well, sort of. It’s just a little cubby with a drain grate. Stand still, we’re going to hose you down; you don’t want to walk back home and explain to Mason why you look like a chocolate duck.”

“Have you talked to Mike?” Aleah asked me as she passed me a roll of masking tape and a poster. I held it up, it was pretty simple; it just said ‘Aleah Simms for Student Body President’. It was her second time trying, and her last chance. She would graduate at the end of this year. Probably.

“Thought Julia was doing that?” I phrased the statement as a question. Honestly, why would I do the job the police should be doing.

“Um so…” She said, turning away from me and taping a flyer up over Brittney Price’s. Brittney was the current class president and Aleah’s nemesis for the past three years. It was kind of silly if you ask me, but hey, silly seemed to be our thing lately. “I saw him just walking across campus like nothing happened.”

“Well school just started, so campus is where he’d be I guess,” I said dismissively as I walked to the opposite wall and hung the poster. The tape made a screeching sound as I pulled it from the roll.

“He attacked Audrey,” She said pointedly, staring at me from across the hall. It was after hours; her voice echoed across the white floor tiles.

“I’m sure Julia is taking care of it,” I said, getting impatient with this line of questioning.

“Not if he’s walking around like he owns the place.”

“Okay, so to be fair,” I said, turning around and crossing my arms. “People attack other people and walk free all the time. It’s not Julia’s fault, they probably just didn’t have enough evidence. You’re too close to this thing.”

“So are you,” Aleah rolled her eyes. “You just poured chocolate syrup on her in our basement last night.”

“Ugh,” Was my only reply. We continued hanging the posters in silence until she finally spoke again.

“Do you…do you think she could join GAT?”

I narrowed my eyes and turned to her.

“Aleah,” I said calmly. “Of course she could, but she’d have to be out, and accept who she is instead of hiding away like a closeted pervert. Then she’d make the decision herself; I’m not planting the idea in her head. If you want to protect her so bad, do it yourself.”

I have to think I was right; I had a communications major to worry about. How could I possibly have time for Audrey’s personal crap? She could take care of it herself.

“Do you hear that?” She said suddenly.

“Hear what.” I demanded.

“That singing,” She said, pointing toward the auditorium down the hall.

“It’s an auditorium,” I was completely uninterested. “They sing there. That’s what it’s for.”

“Yeah but…it sounds so…amazing.”

“Didn’t know you were into that crap,” I reached for another poster. “Come on, we have to finish hanging up these posters.”

She was already walking down the hall. I cursed and followed after her, but there was no stopping her, so I shut my mouth as she pushed through the double doors and into the auditorium.

“You just left all your stuff in the hall,” I said to her, but I knew at this point she didn’t really care. She was walking like a zombie toward the stage; the drama kids were up there acting something out, probably pretending they were going to go somewhere in life. It’s always nice to pretend.

“Wow!” Aleah said, practically running toward the stage. “This is amazing, what even is it?!”

“It’s a bunch of dorks singing,” I said helpfully. Despite my lack of encouragement she continued to walk toward the stage until a short brunette wearing the nerdiest pair of glasses I’ve ever seen emerged from the second row of seats clutching a clipboard to her chest.

“Can I help you?” She asked Aleah as I stuck to the shadows behind her.

“Oh!” She said “I’m so sorry if I interrupted anything! What is this? I love this music!”

The girl smiled a bit, not too much.

“We’re doing our class presentation of Les Miserables,” She explained. “Well I mean we’re trying, we don’t have an Eponine, or enough background characters.”

I don’t know why I spoke, but I did.

“I know someone who could play a great background character,” I said. The girl looked at me startled; she’d clearly been unaware of my presence until that very moment.

“Oh my god!” She practically squealed. “You could be our Eponine!”

I stopped dead in my tracks, my jaw hung open.

“I could be…your what?”

“Yeah, Tiffany,” Aleah teased. “You could be their ipecac.”

“Eponine,” The girl corrected.

“What’s the difference,” I asked.

“One is a character, the other induces vomiting.”

“Like your play?”

The girl frowned.

“You know if you’re going to be rude then you can go be rude somewhere else,” She said. She wasn’t even angry; it was as if she was used to this kind of thing.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Aleah said, practically stepping in between us. I really want to stay here and watch, I love this music.”

“Nope,” The girl said as she pointed a thin finger toward the door. “Both of you can leave, right now.”

“She can play Epinephrine for you!” Aleah practically screamed, pointing at me.

“Excuse me?!” I demanded. “I don’t think so!”

“You owe me!” Aleah hissed. “For that one time, remember?”

Okay, maybe I did owe her for that one time.

“You’re calling in a favor…to make me sing in a play?” I almost snorted. It was laughable.

“It’s a musical,” The girl said rather flatly as she shot her hand out toward me. “My name’s Melissa.”

I took her hand.

“I’m –”

“Tiffany Grey,” She said. “I know who you are.”

“..oh…” I said.

“So you can be here, tomorrow, for practice?”

“Oh my God,” I said shaking my head. Then suddenly an idea began to formulate inside my mind. “You know what, yes, I can, and I can get you that background character you wanted.”

“Wait,” Aleah said, touching my arm. “What are you doing?”

“You know what I’m doing,” I said with a grin starting to form on the corners of my mouth.

“No way. No!” She shook her head. “You cannot make her do this, she’s not ready!”

“She looks fine,” I shrugged. “And all she has to do it stand in the background, right?”

“Do either of you want to tell me what’s going on?” Melissa demanded. “I have a ‘thing’ to get back to.”

I looked at Aleah, she glared back at me. There probably wasn’t a good way out of this.

“So um…” Aleah started to say, and then she paused.

“Oh my god,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Okay so the…person…we can get for you…they’re a girl but they…weren’t born as a girl…”

“So you’re saying this person is…transgender?” Melissa looked super confused but I guess she was really well informed.

“Yeah, that’s it,” I nodded.

“Okay, and?”

“Well I mean…” Aleah said. “It’s just that…she’s…she hasn’t really told anyone?”

Holding the clipboard under her arm, Melissa began to wave her arms in front of her face in a criss cross pattern as if she was telling us both to shut up.

“Okay, just, just hold on!” She said. “You’re telling me that you want to force a trans girl who hasn’t come out, to perform on stage? First of all, she can, yes, and she can wear anything she wants. She can dress as a guy if she’s not comfortable. But you know what? That’s…that’s not even the point, you automatically assumed she should stand up there in a dress just because she’s trans?”

“I don’t see the problem,” I said, folding my arms. “I wear dresses all the time.”

“Are you on crack?”

“I don’t really think that’s a fair question.”

Melissa huffed and walked back her seat. She came back with two manila envelopes, one said ‘Eponine’, the other said ‘Extra’.

“I assume I don’t have to explain to you which envelope is which, but if you do have questions, I don’t know…Google it? Oh, and your girl? She can wear whatever she wants. If you’re going around forcing her to be feminine then I feel really sorry for her.”

“That’s not fair!” I snapped. “I never said I was doing that!”

“There were the implications,” She said as she started to turn away. “And I know your character, so.”

“My character?” I started to move toward her.

“Let’s go,” Aleah said, taking me gently by the arm and pulling me up the stairs.

“You’re lucky my friend’s here,” I said angrily. “She’s holding me back, you see what she’s doing for you?”

“Come on, Tiffany,” Aleah said.

“You think you’re hot stuff cause you’re directing a play?” I called after her. “You’re nothing!”

Aleah finally got me to the top of the stairs and we stood outside the wood double doors.

“Find Audrey and give her that packet,” She said. “Oh, and Tiffany?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t kill the drama class.”

“Is this too much?” I asked as I stepped from the hallway and into the bedroom where Olivia and Aleah were literally playing cards on the floor. Olivia looked up at me and let her eyes wander up and down my outfit; it was a strappy dress that came down to just above my knees.

“For a first date? With Shawn Derringer? Girl he’s lucky to be in your presence, you should just wear a t-shirt,” Olivia snorted at me and went back to her hand.

“Or a burlap sack,” Aleah laughed.

“Okay, first of all,” I lectured and pointed at Oliva. “You don’t get to judge anyone on their taste in men. And you, a burlap sack? Please, that is SO last fall.”

Olivia shot me a dirty look. She should have expected it after her boyfriend beat the living crap out of Audrey in a public bathroom. She still wouldn’t leave him.

“Speaking of which,” I interjected to break the silence. “Has anyone seen Audrey since the chocolate syrup thing? I need to give her that stupid packet.”

“It’s not STUPID,” Aleah said. I couldn’t tell if her seriousness was exaggerated or if she was actually offended. “It’s Les Miserables, and it is a very important part of French culture.”

“You literally just heard about it yesterday.”

“Les…what?” Olivia asked quizzically. I guess I could make a crack about theater not being her forte but you know what? It wasn’t mine either really. Or at all.

“I’ll tell you about it later,” Aleah promised. “Oh, and uh…Audrey should be around the house tomorrow.”

“How do you know that?” I wondered.

“We have her doing some chores around the house,” Aleah shrugged.

“More slave labor?” I turned to the vanity mirror and inspected my lipstick.

“No we hired her to replace the house boy…you know, the one who was supposed to be mowing the lawn for us?”

“Hope she doesn’t quit then,” I said. “The last one was SO unreliable.”

“He wasn’t unreliable,” Olivia said. “You screamed at him for an hour because he got grass on your car.”

“An hour he got paid for,” I said defensively.

“I don’t know why you’re going on this date,” Aleah said. “He’s the president of DEM, he’s just going to use you somehow.”

“He’s kind of cute,” I shrugged. “Besides, it wouldn’t hurt us to have an ‘in’ over there, would it?”

“What is this, a royal wedding?” Olivia laughed.

“AGAIN,” I said to her. “Talk to me when you take out your own garbage, okay?”

If she hadn’t been wearing enough foundation to open her own Sephora, she probably would have been turning ten shades of red.
I felt my phone buzz in my hand. He was outside.

“Okay, I’ve gotta go,” I said. “Take care of the house for me.”

“Hey, Tiffany,” Aleah called out to me as I turned to go.

“Yeah?”

“Have you thought about what I asked?”

“About what?” I asked innocently.

“You know what,” She said. “I need a vice president.”

“Don’t think it’s for me,” I shrugged. “I got a lot of my plate.”

“Just think about it, okay?” She was desperate, it seemed.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Promise,” She stared at me intently.

“Promise,” I nodded as I turned and exited the room.

I walked downstairs and past the couch, throwing open the front door and walking down the steps. The first thing I noticed was that the lawn had finally been mowed, the second was the really, really impressive Ford Mustang sitting in front of the house. It would have been perfect if not for Shawn leaning against it as if he were someone. You know, other than the president of DEM, and probably living on his dad’s spare change, which was a huge hunk of change, don’t get me wrong. Looking at him, I immediately felt overdressed. He was wearing a dark blue polo shirt and khaki pants, like he was going out for a few drinks at a country club instead of on a date. With me. Wow, I suddenly felt undervalued.

“Hey there,” I waved with a slight smile.

“Hi,” He said. I tried to figure out if he was nervous. He should have been, dressed like that. “You look amazing,” He said, mentally drooling already.

“I know,” I said matter of factly and walked right past him, around the car and stood at the passenger side of the vehicle, looking at him expectantly. He didn’t waste any time walking around and holding open the door for me. I ducked into the car, smoothing my skirt out beneath me as I settled into the posh leather seat. The inside of his car was clean, sterile almost. Mine was pretty clean too but I would have been embarrassed for him to see it.

“So,” He said settling into the driver’s seat and shifting the car into gear. “I don’t believe I’ve ever had the pleasure of taking a GAT girl out. Word the street is you’re the toughest sorority on campus.”

I smirked.

“Is that what they’re saying?” I said. “Well you’d better watch out then.”

“I guess I’d better,” He laughed.

We drove in silence for a few minutes; we’d planned this date weeks ago but I guess neither one of us really had anything to say.
“So um…what do sororities do…all day?” He asked. Seriously? That was his ice breaker?

“Well what do you guys do all day?” I quipped, trying to sound cute.

“I guess…go to class and do guy stuff,” He laughed.

“Kinda the same thing,” I grinned. “But you know, more girly.”

We pulled up to a restaurant, it was one of the nice ones. Hazelrod’s. A five star establishment, if I remembered correctly. My family was well off, but definitely not well off enough to eat a restaurant that served a $200 steak. He was really trying to impress. He wasted no time stepping out of the car, walking to my side and holding the door open for me. A perfect gentleman I guess. Time would tell if there was anything else to him. I didn’t bother thanking him as I stepped out. No point in saying ‘thanks’ for something he was supposed to do. I simply rose from the seat and strode past him, my heels clicking against the sidewalk. I could feel him staring at me.

“Mr. Derringer,” The waiter said as we walked into the restaurant. “We have your reservation, please, this way.”

This place was everything I would have expected, honestly. Oak wall panels, hold fixtures, very old-timey. We walked through a dining room that was mostly empty, all of the tables covered in pristine white tablecloths with place settings. Crystal glasses sat upside down on each table, waiting for someone to sit. I shouldn’t have been surprised; this was the middle of the afternoon; a weird time for a date really, but it was Saturday, so why not?

We didn’t sit at one of the tables in the dining room; he’d reserved some private space off in the back. Semi-private, anyway. It was this quaint little covered area with a noise divider, perfect for a private conversation in an empty restaurant.

“May I start you off with something to drink?” The waiter inquired.

“I’d like a bottle of the house wine,” Shawn said. Was he old enough to drink? I sure wasn’t.

“Are you sure?” The waiter raised an eyebrow. Shawn paused for a moment, pondering.

“Pick one for me,” He said finally.

“As you wish, sir,” He turned to me. “and for you?”

“I’ll...um…” I had no idea what to order at a place like this.

“She’ll have what I’m having,” Shawn said smoothly.

“Very good,” The waiter said as he strode off, not even writing anything down.

“Are you old enough to drink?” I teased. He laughed.

“Of course not,” He said. “But my dad owns this place.”

“You brought me to a place your dad owns?”

“What can I say, I get a discount.”

Strike one.

“So tell me,” I said, as I started to find him a lot less cute than when I’d asked him out. “What does the DEM president do all day?”
“Well,” He said, placing his hands on the table and leaning in. “You know, the same things yours GATs but…you know…manlier.”
I chuckled. That was kind of funny, I had to admit.

“We lost a pledge, though. Not the first time, but at least it didn’t happen during a hazing this time.”

“Lost a pledge?” I smirked. “Did you misplace him?”

He suddenly leaned back in his chair, a perplexed look crossing his face as the waiter returned with the bottle and two glasses. I watched as the bottle was put on ice, the wine poured and the waiter disappeared.

“Weirdest thing, actually,” He said to me as he began to browse the menu. “He made it past rush, pledged and everything but…he just never showed up to the first meeting. I haven’t had that happened before.”

“Well not everyone is cut out for Greek life,” I shrugged and tilted my head.

“I guess, but it means we’re down a pledge and I’m kind of pissed.”

“Who was it? Maybe I’ve seen him around.”

“Uh…some guy named Todd,” I nearly spit out the wine I’d been sipping.

“Todd, huh,” I said. “Weird name.”

“That’s…really not weird,” Shawn said. “What’s weird is he never showed up. Anyway, what do you think about spaghetti?”

“Not really my thing, honestly,” I said. “They have this parmesan chicken, though.”

“That they do,” He nodded in agreement.

“So what else does your family do, besides own this restaurant?” I asked, genuinely curious, and trying to put Audrey out of my mind.

“Well, I mean, you’re from here,” He said, raising both eyebrows. “So you kinda have an idea.”

“Your dad has his hands in everything, yeah.”

“You could say that.”

The waiter came back, we ordered. He got the spaghetti, I got the parmesan chicken. Two different tastes I guess.

“So your father,” He said to me after the waiter had left. “He has his hands in a few things too I hear.”
I nodded.

“He’s the CFO of some big company, you know.”

“Some big company, that’s what you’re calling it.”

“They make cars,” I shrugged. He laughed a bit.

“One of the top automakers in the United States, that’s not something to shrug at. Those profit margins are really up from last year.”

“Is this what you do?” I grinned, taking a sip of my wine. “Do you research your date’s dad before you take them out?”

He laughed a little and said, jokingly, I hope. “Well, I’ve gotta see what kind of genetic material I’m working with.”

I smiled and nodded.

“Well cheers to that,” I raised my glass a bit in a faux gesture and took another sip. “I hope you like what you’re working with.”

“We’ll see.”

I smiled and pulled out my phone as I apologized for being rude and shot a text off to Audrey: GAT house, 6 PM. It definitely wasn’t a suggestion.

Audrey arrive late, at about 6:15 PM, accompanied by Ashely, our pledge who would have probably rather been doing something else. Normally I would have lectured her for being late, not because I cared about her punctuality, but because I’m honestly busy.

“Get upstairs and change,” I said to her as she walked through the door.

“Uh, how long am I going to be here?” She asked.

“Don’t care,” I snapped. “Go get dressed.”

“What’s going on?” Aleah asked as she walked in from the sitting room on the other side of the house. She let the swinging door loose behind her.

“The little shit is going to ruin her own life, is what’s happening,” I said, more than a little annoyed. “You know, I have a lot of things to do. Homework, track, I really don’t have time for any of this.”

“Time for what? I don’t understand,” Aleah said.

Audrey came down in a very simple dress and a half-assed makeup job that was still ten times better than I’d seen her do in the past. I guess the pledges had been doing their job. I took note of that. I waited for her to finish descending the stairs, and then I pointed to the couch. She sat down like an obedient puppy, that was probably something I should work with her on too. Learning when to say no was a valuable skill. Aleah looked at me questioningly as I walked around the front of the couch and stood in front of Audrey.

“You pledged to DEM and never showed up,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.

“Sorry, what?” Aleah’s eyes widened as she walked over to the front of the couch to join me.

“I don’t think they’d want me after—” Audrey started, but I interrupted.

“Voice, Audrey,” I snapped. “Pitch your voice up. You can’t walk around sounding like that, you’ll get hurt.”

“What are you talking about?” Aleah demanded. “What do you mean she pledged to DEM? When did this happen?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Before school started, obviously. She just never showed up after rush week.”

“Did you call them?” Aleah stared at her.

“I…no…,” Audrey stammered. “I didn’t know I was…”

“Audrey,” I said. “Do you have ANY idea who runs DEM? Shawn Derringer. You know his father, Michael Derringer? Do you know how much influence he has in this town? Now you have this reputation for not following through on your commitments. How exactly do you plan to get a job after college?”

“She could always flip burgers,” Aleah said flatly.

“Okay why do you care so much,” Audrey said defensively. “I’m not a part of your house, you barely know me.”

“I’m still human,” I said, practically shouting at this point. “I don’t want you to fall flat on your face for no reason!”

“Do you want to be in DEM or not?” Aleah demanded. “You need to make a choice now. If you still want to be in, we can probably help.”

I gave Aleah a sidelong glance. Helping Audrey to join a fraternity at this point would probably do a lot more harm than good.

“I don’t…I..um..” Audrey was stammering again. I snapped my fingers.

“Focus, Audrey!” I snapped. “Yes, or no, it’s not that hard!”

“No,” She said, looking down at her bare feet.

I unlocked my phone and threw it onto her lap. She flinched as it hit her leg.

“Under my contacts,” I said. “Shawn Derringer. Call him, tell him you changed your mind.”

“Now might actually be a REALLY good time to tell the truth,” Aleah suggested. I looked at her, out of the corner of my eye I could see Audrey developing a look of sheer terror.

“Maybe not go that far,” I suggested quietly. The relief on Audrey’s face was measurable. “Make the call.”

We stood there and waited while she made the call. It was probably more awkward than the first time I met her, if I’m going to be perfectly honest, but somehow she stumbled through it. While we were waiting for her to finish making a fool of herself, Aleah and I went to join Ashley on the other side of the sectional couch.

“So are you going to see him again?” Aleah asked me.

“I mean…” I said. “He was cute.”

“So you like him?”

“He has money,” I shrugged.

Ashley snorted. I’d forgotten she was sitting there.

“Don’t you have a task to be doing?” I demanded of her. “The front of the house is looking really dirty.”

She simply rose from the couch without showing the slightest bit of irritation or anger. Apparently she was more obedient than Audrey, or she was just trying to make a good impression.

“Yeah he has money,” Aleah agreed. “But you sure you want to be getting into all that?”

“Honestly,” I said, rolling my eyes. “How bad can it possibly be?”

“You know how bad it can be,” She said, looking at me seriously.

“Moral objections from the woman whose literally cheating to win student body president?”

“Brittney is cheating too,” She objected, not even getting defensive.

“Two wrongs make a right,” I concluded. “So stay out of my business.”

We heard Audrey finish up her conversation. I turned to her.

“Audrey,” I said. “There’s an envelope on the table, take it please.”

“What is this?” She asked. Her feminine voice was getting a little better but I swore I was going to find her a speech therapist just so I wouldn’t have to hear that horrible scratchiness everytime she talked.

“You and Tiffany are going to be in a play,” Aleah said excitedly.

“Yep,” I said. “You’re going to be extra #11. Isn’t that just exciting?”

“What is this for? I don’t know if—”

“It’s called Les Miserables,” Aleah started to say. “By this guy named-“

“Victor Hugo,” Audrey finished her sentence. Aleah looked started. “Javert, and Jean Val Jean.”

“Wow,” Aleah said. “You are a bit of a nerd aren’t you.”

“I just can’t believe someone went to prison for twenty years over loaf of bread,” I said. “The whole thing is so unrealistic.”

“Five years,” Audrey corrected.

“Um…the play said 19?”

“Five years, for stealing, the rest for running. How are you going to be in this if—”

“Shut up,” I snapped. “I just have to look like I know what I’m doing.”

“Why…exactly am I doing this?” Audrey frowned at the packet in her hand.

“Nevermind that,” Aleah said, suddenly settling in and leaning back against the couch. “We have something important to talk about.”
Yeah, I knew this talk was coming. Audrey looked up at us, she had that terrified look in her eyes, as she tended to do when we told her we needed to talk. As she started to speak, one of our sisters, Megan walked through the front door, passing us as she made her way to the stairs.

“Hey guys, hey Audrey,” She said as she passed us. Audrey immediately looked to the floor. She still wasn’t comfortable being seen like this, even if it was just one of us.

“Hey,” I responded, turning my attention back to Audrey.

“Your girlfriend,” Aleah said, finally. Audrey’s eyes went wide. Yep, this wasn’t something she wanted to talk about.

“What…what about her?” Audrey asked. Was she turning pale under all of that makeup? Probably.

“You have to tell her,” Aleah said, a bit forcefully.

“Why?”

“Um because while you can’t do anything about being trans, you CAN do something about being a liar.”

“Wait, I’m not a liar,” Audrey protested.

“You kind of are,” I informed her. “Chastity thinks she’s dating a guy. Don’t you think it’s going to be a little bit messed up if she walks in on you wearing her clothes one day and you have to explain it on the spot?”

“That would never happen!”

“Really?” Aleah said, feigning confusion. “I seem to remember about a week ago, you snuck into our house and –”

“Okay, okay!” Audrey said, putting her hands up. I’d learned that she didn’t really like talking about the ‘incident’ that brought her to us.

“Okay what?” I asked.

“I mean…I guess…”

“You guess what?” Aleah was pushing her into a corner. I would gladly help.

“If she breaks up with you then it was probably for the best. Do you feel good lying around her? Be honest.”

“I…I guess…no?” Now she looked like she was on the verge of tears. Great.

“So, how do you feel then, be honest.” Aleah asked.

Audrey paused. I could see the gears turning in her head.

“I guess…jealous?”

“Why jealous?” I frowned.

“Because…I guess…I want to be like her, she gets to dress…like that and she gets to do all the…girl…things with her friends,” Audrey wasn’t doing well. She was stammering and trying to shrink back into the couch.

“So you’re jealous of her and you’re with her because…”

“Well I mean I like her but—”

“But you’re lying to her.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Audrey finally admitted. “I feel guilty about it.”

“I know this is hard for you,” Aleah said. “But I know Chastity, and I know how bad she’d be hurt if she had to find out the hard way. If you like her, you’ll tell her, we’ll help you.”

“You’ll help me? How?”

“We’ll do it right here,” I said. I hoped that was what Aleah was thinking anyway. “We’ll help you tell her.”

“What, you want me to be dressed like this when she shows up?” She indicated the dress she was wearing.

“Please don’t be stupid,” Aleah said. “This is serious, and no, we’re not going to shock her like that.”

She hung her head. I couldn’t tell if she had been joking or if she was trying to force a situation. Of course she was. She wanted to be herself around Chastity. Why wouldn’t she?

“I’m going to invite you and her over here for dinner, on Friday,” I said. “I used to hang out with her all the time, it’ll be easy, I promise.”
There was a long silence. Audrey simply sat there, staring off into space. I could feel her fear, but I’m not sure if I cared.

“Tell us what you’re thinking, Audrey,” Aleah said. “What’s going on in your head?”

“I’m…” She started, and then closed her mouth, not daring to make eye contact with any of us.

“Yes?” I said. I wanted to hurry this up, I had things to do.

“I’m scared,” She said finally. Well, no kidding. I didn’t need her to tell me that.

“Think of it like….ripping off a bandaid,” Aleah said helpfully. “It hurts at first, but once it’s off, it’ll be okay.”

“Will it be okay?” Audrey asked quietly.

“Knowing her? Probably,” I shrugged. “I probably know her better than you do.”

“Just think!” Aleah spoke, being unusually upbeat. “Once she knows you can go shopping together and do eachother’s makeup, wouldn’t that be cool?”

Audrey kind of giggled. That was hopeful at least.

“Yeah. I mean…that’s what I want.”

“Then maybe she can help you instead of us,” I laughed. “Gotta admit, it’s really cramping my schedule.”

We all laughed at that. Things were getting back to normal for the moment.

“Okay, time for you to go home, Audrey,” Aleah said. “Go upstairs and get changed.”

“You mean I came over here and got dressed just for that?”

I shrugged.

“Come on,” Aleah said. “Stand over here by the stairs, I want to get some pictures of you.”

“Why?” Audrey asked as she stood from the couch and walked to the stairs, once again being way more obedient than she should.

“Because when we talk to Chastity we’re going to need to show her some pictures, obviously,” Aleah laughed as she straightened out Audrey’s dress and snapped a few pictures. “Why aren’t you wearing shoes?”

Audrey shrugged. The only shoes we’d given her to wear around the house were a pair of three inch pumps. I could see her hesitation, I distinctly remembered her falling down in front of the refrigerator during our initiation party. I slumped back onto the couch and began scrolling through my phone, finally noticing a text that I’d missed. I opened up the messenger, it was Shawn. ‘Hey, want to see you again. This Friday? He didn’t use text shorthand. I liked that about him. Complete sentences. Friday was no good.

Thursday? I wrote back.
I returned my attention to the scene in front of me. Aleah was finished and had sent Audrey upstairs. I smiled a little, I guess I was glad that she was coming along, maybe she would be easier to relate to now. Maybe. Probably not. Aleah waited until Audrey disappeared up the stairs and then turned to me with a cold look on her face.

“What do you know about Chastity?” She asked.

“Um…” I said. I tried to think. I’d hung out with her a lot last year. We’d kind of drifted apart but I couldn’t say I had any bad memories. “Well, I mean she’s like anyone else. Blonde hair, like mine, but longer. Um…really likes oversized sweaters.”

“You know what I mean,” Aleah said. “How do you think she’d deal with…all of this?”

“Ugh…she’ll be fine,” I said. “My god, she’s dated women, I’m sure she’s run into a lot of trans girls.”

Aleah nodded.

“I’m just worried,” She said.

“Why are you so worried?” I demanded. “You know she’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”

“I just…I would feel bad if…”

“You’re still thinking about Jayne, right? You know that’s not here. Audrey is her own person.”

Aleah stared at me.

“I know,” She said. “But I just…I think…”

“You think you did something wrong and you’re trying to fix it. You can’t fix it by fixing Audrey.”

“I am…very…aware of that,” She gritted her teeth and pursed her lips at me.

“As long as you know,” I shrugged and went back to my phone.

Class wrapped up early so I dropped by the library to catch up on some reading. I probably could have done it at the house but it was kind of quieter here. Call me a prude I guess. I stepped into one of the private reading rooms, and I immediately remembered that it was the one we’d sent Audrey to for Lauren’s laptop.

I threw my purple canvas messenger bag onto the table along with my purse and took a seat at the far end of the table. As soon as I sat down I started reading through the ‘Communications 102’ textbook and after about fifteen minutes I was bored out of my mind. I wanted to be a news anchor, or some kind of TV personality, but damn, I was sure I’d never use any of this information. I sighed and slapped the book down on the desk, there was no way this was getting done without music, but my stupid iPod was in my purse – on the other end of the table. I stood up, pushing the wooden chair out behind me and trudged to the other side of the table. Just as I reached into my purse to fish it out, I heard my phone beep. A text notification. I sighed and pulled it out.

“Just once…couldn’t leave me alone just once,” I muttered to the phone as I unlocked it and tapped the text message app on the screen. My pink phone background was replaced with the bright white text messaging screen. I frowned. It wasn’t a number I recognized. I tapped it, the message read: Outside. What the hell was that supposed to mean? I turned to the window behind me and glanced out at the courtyard. There were plenty of people, I looked around to each one, none of them seemed of the ordinary. I shrugged; it was probably a prank, or a wrong number. Then, suddenly, I froze. I could see him across the courtyard wearing that stupid letter jacket. Mike Jones. I had a sudden twinge of anger, I sort of wanted to rip his throat out. Why was he even walking around free after what he did, and why was he staring at me from across the courtyard? Why did he even know I was here? Talk about stalkerish.

I grabbed my purse and my bag and stormed out of the room, throwing the messenger bag strap over my shoulder as I made my way down the stairs and through the crowded first floor of the library. I bumped elbows with a few people and muttered ‘Sorry’ as I went past them. I’m sure a few of them didn’t mind coming into physical contact with me. A few moments later I pushed my way through the double doors and stood on the steps of the library, directly across the courtyard from him. He was still staring at me, his arms crossed, like he was in charge of something. He was about to be in charge of my fist in his face. I power walked as quickly as I could in wedges and came up on him like a python about to eat its first meal of the day. I was in no mood.

“How did you get my number?” I demanded. “Why are you following me?”

“What have you been telling my girlfriend?” He asked, staring sharply at me, his arm still crossed.

“What are you even talking about?”

“She doesn’t want to hang out with me as much, what have you been telling her?”

I shoved a finger in his face, a pink acrylic nail centimeters from the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have any control over your girlfriend, Mike, and I want you to stay away from me.”

Just as quickly as I’d shoved my finger in his face, his hand came up, and his finger wrapped around my wrist, grabbing onto the pressure point. My jaw dropped, but my outrage was quickly replaced by a wince as he squeezed harder, glaring at me, but forming a slight smirk as he watched my knees buckle. I reached with my free hand and tried to dig my nails into his fingers. Nothing. He wouldn’t let go.

“Mike,” I said firmly, trying my best to retain my dignity. “Mike, let go.”

“You listen to me, bitch,” He said evenly. “You’re going to stop telling my girlfriend to stay away from me. She’s mine. You understand that.”
“Mike, dammit, let go,” I said a little louder as the pain began to creep into my wrist and up my arm. I looked around desperately, there was no one near us.

“And as for that little shit? Todd? You keep him away from her too. You’d better enjoy her while you have her, because she’s out of that house by the end of the week.”

I’d had enough. I brought my leg upward and aimed for his shin. Not so gracefully, I brought the corner of my wedge down on the flat of his shin and dragged it across the bone as hard as I could before finally slamming my heel down into the top of his foot. He screamed and his grip on my wrist loosened. I yanked it away and stumbled backward.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demanded. He stood a few feet away from me, clutching his leg.

“You heard what I said, bitch,” He growled.

“You’re crazy!” I screamed. “You’re a god damn psycho!”

A few heads turned when I screamed, but no one cared enough to come over. As he turned and walked away, or rather limped, my first instinct was to look at my wrist. It was starting to bruise, I could see the formation of a hand mark. I immediately reached into my purse, pulled out my phone and fumbled until I managed to unlock it and take a picture of my bruised wrist. After that, I pulled up the GPS app to see Audrey’s location. I hadn’t told her, but I’d turned GPS tracking on in her phone. She wasn’t far from me, over near the quad actually. I texted Hailey, she should have been with Audrey.

Are you guys okay?

I wrote in my message. I waited for a response. Nothing, no answer. I swear to god if something happened to her I would never forgive myself.

“Crap,” I muttered. I made a beeline for the quad, it was across the street. Our campus wasn’t too complicated really. My feet pounded heavily against the concrete as every conceivable scenario passed through my mind. I’d been so god damn mean to her and I really hadn’t meant to be. As I reached the edge of the courtyard and finally stood facing the street, my phone beeped. A text, from Hailey.

Yea y?

My phone beeped again, this time it was a reminder. Theater practice. 3 PM. Perfect. I continued my beeline for the quad, looking to my left and right as I crossed the street, fully aware that I was jaywalking. I found them sitting on one of the concrete barriers, Audrey was looking very male, and bored out of her mind. Hailey was texting.

“Yo, Todd,” I used her male name in public still. I’m not sure if she minded. I hoped she couldn’t see the signs of panic and simultaneously relief strewn across my face. “We’ve got theater practice, you ready?”

“Oh,” She said. “Was that today?”

“Yep, grab your stuff, let’s go.”

Hailey looked up from her phone, studying me for a second. Yeah, she was just a pledge, and she hadn’t known me for long, but she was perceptive. I knew that much. I ignored her and looked to Audrey.

“Come on, hurry,” I said.

“I’m coming!” She said, throwing her backpack over her shoulder and walking toward me. Hailey was still staring at me. I seriously hoped that she wasn’t psychic or something.

“Thanks Hailey,” I said. She nodded. I put my hand on Audrey’s back, guiding her toward the school.

“Have you talked to her?” I asked as we pushed toward the building.

“To who?” She said.

“You know who,” I replied, still power walking as fast as I could.

“No,” She said.

“Have you seen her?”

“Yeah.”

“You saw her and didn’t talk to her?”

“Well I didn’t talk to her about…”

“Okay. Friday then.”

“Yeah, Friday.”

I texted Aleah a picture of my wrist with the caption ‘Mike’. This was going to be a long week, and it was only half way over.

“Wow, you guys actually showed up,” Melissa said, walking toward us as we entered the theater. She was appropriately dressed in a gray knit turtleneck, wearing those black glasses that I really wanted to make fun of her for. We made our way through the rows of seats and met her in the middle.

“Todd, this is Melissa, Melissa, Todd,” I dismissively introduced them to eachother and checked my phone again. No texts from Aleah.

“Hi it’s um…nice to meet you,” Audrey said. Her voice was a little shaky. She wasn’t good around new people.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Melissa smiled at her. “What do you want me to call you, sweetie?”

Audrey looked at me, her eyes wide.

“She knows,” I said matter of factly as I continued scrolling through my phone.

“It’s okay,” Melissa smiled and brushed some of her long black hair from the side of her face. “Your friend has a big mouth, but I don’t. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I um…Todd…is okay,” She said, glancing at me occasionally as she struggled to find the words. I think she wanted to kill me. She’d have to get in line.

“Okay, great!” Melissa said. “Well, as you know, you’re going to be Extra #11, and Tiffany is going to be Eponine.”

Audrey snapped her neck around and stared at me.

“Wow,” She said. “That’s fitting.”

I looked up from my phone and stared, trying to figure out what she was talking about, but Melissa had already started walking toward the stage where the other students were milling around, some dressed in ridiculous Victorian looking costumes and others wearing their regular clothes.

“We’ll be in full costume for the play, obviously,” Melissa said. “But for right now you can just wear your clothes.”

“How exciting,” I said, trying to sound at least somewhat interested. I reached into my bag and pulled out the envelope she’d handed me earlier in the week. I hadn’t even looked at it before, but as I opened it up, I noticed it was a script. Throughout, my sections were highlighted in yellow. That was helpful.

“Alright, make way for Eponine, bitches!” I announced as I climbed onto the stage. Audrey simply walked to the end and used the stairs.
“Okay, the uh…scene is…Page, 54, Gorbeau Tenement, let’s get into positions people,” Melissa stood on the floor of the auditorium, just in front of the stage. I watched Audrey walk confidently to a random part of the stage, but it was like she actually knew where to go. Why did she know, and I didn’t? I noticed there was a mattress on the floor, and one of the actors was seated on it. I glanced at my script, page 54. Yep. This was all me. I stepped up to the end of the mattress and read off the script.

“Hey there, Monsieur, what’s new—” I started, but Melissa interrupted me.

“That is SO not how you pronounce that,” She said.

“What do you mean?” I demanded. “It’s right there, on the paper!”

“It’s MISS-sieur, not Mon-sewer.”

“Right, okay,” I said. “Hey there, MISS-sieur, what’s new with you? Planning to change the world? Plotting to overthrow the—”

“You missed a line,” The guy on the mattress said. I looked down at the script again.

“Yeah, sorry, Marius,” I said. He was kind of cute, for a theater nerd.

“Alright, again from the top!” Melissa clapped her hands. “We’re going to get this right, even if it kills us, and it probably will.”

It would probably kill me, yeah.

We must have repeated that scene ten times before they absolutely gave up and moved on to the next. Hopefully they would just find someone else to do the part, but I doubted it. I wouldn’t be here if they had anyone else. I watched from the side, my arms crossed and clutching the script. I could see Audrey across the stage fitting in perfectly with the others. How could she even be that happy doing this? Why couldn’t I be that happy? More importantly, why did she know the script to this stupid play? Didn’t matter I guess.

I reached into my phone and pulled my purse out to check my messages; there was one from Aleah asking ‘what happened?????’, talking about the massive bruise on my wrist. I looked down and saw it turning a few different shades of black, blue, and brown. Mike had grabbed me hard. It broke me down, in a way. I was supposed to be the tough one, that’s how they’d always seen me, but this guy, he’d actually made me afraid. I was still afraid, in the back of my mind I guess. It wouldn’t be long before I was talking to Julia Stenson, our contact at the Woodcrest police department. She had a particular interest in Gamma, but only because she was an alumni. Her family had been a part of GAT since the Woodcrest chapter was just a colony. That’s a long time.

“I hate that you’re happier than me,” I spoke in Audrey’s direction, but quietly, mostly under my breath. “Despite everything that’s happening to you, you’re still happier than me.”

She was happier than me, I could sense that. I wondered for a moment if she would stay happy. I’d seen so many trans people like her…well…maybe not like her. She had a lot ahead of her, and for a moment, I wished there was something I could do, anything to make it easier. I could give her all the advice in the world, I could coddle her, I could tell her it was going to be okay, but in the end, I couldn’t protect her from herself. Yeah. It was better for me to keep my distance, at least as much as I could.

I watched them congregate on the stage, and then come together to practice a song. Something about ‘looking down’. It wasn’t a bad song; kind of catchy really. I glanced at my phone screen as they finished up; it was a little past 5 PM. Probably about time to head home soon, and I couldn’t really leave Audrey by herself, could I? I tapped my foot and waited for them to finish, kind of wondering why Audrey knew the lyrics to this stupid song. She wasn’t even holding a music sheet. Was she some kind of music robot from outer space? They finally wrapped it up and a few moments later, Melissa walked up to me holding a DVD.

“It’s the movie,” She said. “Watch it, learn it, don’t mess it up next time.”

“Wait,” I said. “There’s a movie? Is it like a real movie or are there songs…and stuff?”

“Well it’s the musical version so yeah, there are songs, and stuff. The part you did tonight isn’t in here, I don’t think, but this should give you a better idea of what we’re going for, okay?”

I shrugged

“Alright, I’ll watch it.”

“Good,” She nodded. “Oh, and your girl over there? She’s really good. She should be in this class.”

“Uh…yeah,” I said. “I don’t know why she knows all of this…stuff.”

“Good taste, probably.”

“I heard something last week,” Melissa said. “About someone being beaten up in that bathroom, up on the trail. Your friend looks a little worse for wear, I think. It was her, right?”

I stared at her. It was obvious that she knew, but I didn’t really want to say it. She couldn’t know everything, and Aleah was definitely right about it looking bad for Gamma house. Maybe Gamma didn’t mean the world to me, per se, but I cared about my scholarship. The whole thing wasn’t technically our fault, but would anyone care? People just wanted someone to blame, and we were right at the center of this crap. She stared back at me and nodded.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to keep her safe. If you can’t, then I will.”

I stood there in silence for a moment, trying to comprehend what she was saying.

“I’m working on it,” I said quietly. She nodded again.

“Make sure you watch the movie.”

“I will.”

I awoke to a blood curdling scream. It was Thursday, and what better way to wake up? It came from the second floor, the bathroom right across from our room. I opened my eyes slowly, Aleah was already up, feet on the floor and throwing on her bathrobe.

“Calm down,” I said sleepily as I rolled over.

“Well something’s wrong out there, come on!” Aleah grabbed my shoulder and shook me. It wasn’t even daylight outside.

“Stop it,” I said tiredly. “Either someone’s dead or DEM played a prank on us. Either way, there isn’t much we can do about it.”

“Get up!” She pushed on my shoulder again, but this time lost her balance and literally fell on top of me.

“Okay, okay, I’m getting up!” I pushed her aside and tossed the covers. I sat up and groggily rubbed my eyes as I slid my feet into the pair of white fluffy house slippers I kept beside my bed. “I am so totally up.”

I followed her out of the room, and then followed the screams to the bathroom where Courtney was standing there, hands level with her head screaming like she’d been shot.

“What’s going on?” I asked her. “Are you okay?"

She continued screaming.

“I know this is weird, because we’re in college, but did you just have your first period or something?” I shouted over her hysterical screams, and then, finally noticed that she was staring very intently at the bathtub. I followed her gaze and then let out a shriek myself as I saw that a nice little gift had been left for us in the tub. Live fish. Yes, live fish, swimming around in our tub. Not even the cute aquarium fish; they were like bluegills, or carp, or whatever. What the hell?

“Is this happening right now?” Aleah said, her face betraying her complete disgust and fear. Fear of fish. Okay, that was a new one.
“Yes,” I sighed. “It’s happening, and I don’t see why ANY of us had to be awake to see this.”

“Aren’t we going to feed them?” Isabella said, pushing through us to peer into the tub.

“I’m sorry…what?” I blinked. “Feed them?”

“They’re cute, and they’re animals, we should feed them!”

I turned to look at her. Was she tired? Drunk? Stupid?

“Don’t feed them,” I snapped as I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes.

“And give them names!” Lauren said excitedly.

“Don’t feed them, don’t give them names.”

“What do we do? How do we get rid of them?” Aleah was slowly backing away from the tub.

“Oh…my…god…” I said turning to walk out of the bathroom. “We LITERALLY pay Audrey to clean up around here. This is a cleanup job.”
I walked out of the bathroom, pushing through the wall of girls that was forming at the entrance. Across the hall, I grabbed my phone from the floor where it had somehow fallen during the night. Snapping it off the charger I whipped up the messenger app, then changed my mind and went straight for the phone. I hit Audrey’s contact entry and waited for her to pick up. She sounded pissed, as she probably should be at five in the morning, but she actually answered.

“What are you doing?” I asked her. “You sound like you’re wide awake.”

“I’m playing a game,” She said. “You know, like a normal person?”

“Yeah okay, we need you to come to the house and clean up a…mess”

“A mess?” She asked, very clearly distracted.

"Yeah," I said into the phone while leaning against the doorway. "DEM left a bunch of live fish in our bathtub--"

I stopped for a second and peered into the open door to see Isabella knelt down beside the tub.

"Stop feeding the stupid fish, Isabella!" I shouted without even bothering to cover the mouthpiece.

"They're people too! And they're cute!" She whined back.

“Where did you even get fish food?!”

I huffed and turned around, walking back into he room.

“Look, you need to get over here.”

“No can do,” She said. “I only get paid from 3 PM to 5 PM.”

“Audrey!” I snapped.

“Okay, okay, fine,” She said. I suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. She’d only agreed so quickly because this was the only place on campus where she could be herself. Oh well, no time to worry about that.

I walked back into the hallway, the girls were still gathered in the bathroom. I squeezed past them and made my way toward the stairs.
“It’s okay, it’s taken care of,” I said as loudly as I could. No one was listening to me as I clumsily descended the stairs and flipped the living room light on. “Anyone get the mail yesterday?”

No one answered. Stupid fish. I crossed the living room, a little more confident in my step now and pulled the front door open. Sticking my hand in the mailbox I managed to pull out a stack of letters, which I brought into the house and tossed onto the kitchen counter.

“Junk, junk, really junk, bill, junk…” I muttered as I sifted through the thick stack of envelopes. I was about to give up on finding anything interesting when I came across a thicker white envelope addressed to Aleah from Woodcrest University. The address was from the financial aid office, and a red ‘Past Due’ was stamped on the outside of the envelope. What the hell was this?

“Aleah?” I shouted as I walked toward the stairs. I was interrupted by an abrupt knocking on the door. “The hell?”

Audrey was standing at the front door with a huge blue plastic barrel at her side, the kind that they put oil in.

“How…did you get here so fast?” I said, astonished. “And how did you just happen to have a barrel?”

She shrugged.

“Doesn’t everyone have a barrel?”

“No,” I said. “No they don’t.”

I squinted. There was someone behind her. It was her roommate, Mason.

“Mason brought his truck,” Audrey explained, almost apologetically.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “You just happened to know you needed a truck, and a barrel?”

“Yeah,” Mason said. “This happened over at the Tri Pi house last year. We took care of it then too.”

“Oh…my…god,” I said, moving aside so that they could come in. Audrey and Mason grabbed the barrel and walked it up the stairs, slowly and carefully. I sat down on the couch and stared off into space. Lord, I hope no one called her Audrey up there while Mason was around, that would open a whole new can of worms – bigger than the one we were going to deal with tomorrow. Guaranteed. Except, tomorrow wouldn’t even be bad. I knew Chastity pretty well; she was always watching Drag Race and talking about other girls. I allowed myself to stop worrying and rested my head against the couch, dozing off for a moment. The next thing I knew, Mason and Audrey were coming back down the stairs lifting the barrel by a pair of handle on the sides.

“Okay,” Mason said. “We’ll get this out there, then I have to come back in and use the bathroom, alright?”

“Sure, whatever,” I mumbled. They disappeared through the front door. Maybe I could get a few more hours of sleep before class. Probably not. Mason walked back through the door, alone. I’d completely forgotten about him coming back to use the bathroom.

“Oh, hey,” I said. “There’s a bathroom downstairs he—”

“Can it,” He said sternly. I snapped to attention and stared at him. “What’s going on?”

“Sorry?” I said. “What do you mean what’s going on?”

“With my friend, Tiffany,” He said, still staring at me, his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

I slowly stood to face him, straightening my white cami as I did to make sure it was pulled over my pajama bottoms. Didn’t want to show any skin this early.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “I just asked her to come over and take care of the fish. She works here.”

“She?” Mason raised an eyebrow.

“Ugh,” I huffed. “Mason it’s five in the morning, you know what I meant.”

“Whatever,” He said. “He’s distracted, he doesn’t want to play games anymore, he spends all his time in the bathroom. When I try to go in there he screams that he’s ‘almost done’ and locks the door. He spends half his free time with people from this house. Oh, and he acts like he’s scared shitless. None of this shit started until he started hanging out here, so what’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, Mason,” I crossed my arms. “I have literally no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You know something,” He said accusingly. “And I’m going to get to the bottom of it.”

Good luck with that, Mason, I thought to myself. He turned to leave.

“Didn’t you need to pee?” I called out after him as he trudged through our living room and toward the door.

“I can hold it,” He called back as he left the house, closing the door behind him.

I turned away from the door and looked at the stairs. Aleah and Isabella where standing there, gripping the railing and staring at me.
“She can’t keep it a secret forever,” I said, exasperated. “And you can’t expect me to lie everytime it comes up.”

“It’s not our secret to tell,” Isabella said softly. “You did good.”

“I’m not looking for your approval,” I snapped. “I’m going to bed. Wait, Aleah, there’s a letter for you.”

I held the letter up for her. Her eyes widened. We were sharing a moment, sort of. That letter meant that Aleah was not only having financial problems, she was behind on her payments. It didn’t bode well, at all. She walked down the stairs and took the letter from my hand. She glared at me for a moment and then walked back up the stairs. Whatever. It wasn’t my problem. I had class in a few hours, and then a date with Captain Affluenza himself.

“Alright,” I said, walking past them as I turned off the light. “I can get a few more hours of sleep.”

Stepping outside the doors of the school I read a text from Shawn asking to meet at his house. Well, that was a little unusual but it’s not like I wasn’t dressed for the occasion. I’m always dressed for the occasion. I stood outside for a moment checking e-mails and finally, brought up the GAT tracker app that I’d gotten right after being promoted from pledge status last year. Our tracker app was a piece of custom software that we could use to track the GPS on eachother’s phones. A little invasive? Probably, but it came in handy a lot. I say invasive because it didn’t just track movement, it tracked the places you had stopped and for how long. Audrey had no idea what we’d secretly installed it on her phone and were tracking her every move, and that was probable insanely unethical. Still, it saved us from asking her where she was every minute of the day to make sure Mike hadn’t dragged her off to some abandoned warehouse, or another public bathroom.

On the map I could see Aleah on the practice field – she was probably doing her cheerleading stuff. Isabella was at the house, and Audrey was apparently in her dorm, probably playing that stupid Pantheon game. I tapped on her dot to pull up her weekly activity and sorted it by ‘food’. Well, that bitch, she’d been to exactly one restaurant this week and I knew she had no food in her dorm. For a normal person you could probably just write that off but for her it was a little more serious. Ever since we’d met her, we’d noticed that she was thin, stupidly thin. It didn’t take Aleah more than two seconds to figure out that she was starving herself, either that or the sunken eyes and her inability to offer physical resistance was the direct result of a LOT of meth. Either way, it was a problem, so we’d tried to encourage her to eat, a lot. Well, she’d eat on Friday. I was going to make sure of it. So would Aleah. I stopped and wondered why I even cared if she was healthy.

Knowing that she was at least at home, or at least her phone was, you can only imagine how shocked I was when I turned around and saw her standing there, with Chastity, her girlfriend. I literally nearly crapped myself.

“Oh, hey!” Chastity said to me, walking up to me with a smile. Audrey was now standing behind with her head pointed toward the ground. Probably blushing, or at least developing a low grade fever.

“Oh, wow, hi Chastity!” I blurted out. “It’s been a while!”

“Yeah it has,” She admitted. “Work and class have been taking up all my time.”

“Totally,” I nodded. “My communications class is getting so complicated.”

“Yeah?” She said. “How’s that going for you?”

“Pretty good, I think I’m passing this semester, so far.”

“That’s great to hear! Oh, this is my boyfriend, Todd, you two haven’t met,” She said, reaching back and pulling Audrey up to stand beside her. Audrey’s eyes darted away for a moment, then returned to meet mine.

“…Hi,” She said nervously.

“Hi Todd, I’m Tiffany,” I reached my hand out, she nervously took it and waited for me to shake. “So how long have you been together?”
“Oh um…three years since last fall!” Chastity said excitedly. “I think I talked about him a few times?”

I nodded.

“Yeah a few times, but you never introduced us!”

“Hah, sorry about that,” Chastity said almost apologetically. “We really need to catch up sometime!”

“Actually, yeah,” I agreed, nodding. “You know, you should drop by the house on Friday, we could have dinner and catch up.”

“Oh that would be amazing!” She smiled.

“Yeah and…why don’t you bring Todd with you?” I suggested. This wasn’t the way I’d wanted to ask her, but it worked, right?

“I don’t know,” She laughed. “I think Todd would rather sit at home playing games.”

“Yeah,” Audrey said quietly. “I do have a raid on Pantheon Friday-“

“I insist,” I said firmly. “And I won’t take no for an answer, both of you.”

Chastity laughed.

“Well alright,” She said. “We’ll be there, both of us.”

“Friday at 7 then?” I suggested.

“Yeah, totally, we’ll see you there!”

I watched them walk away, Audrey glanced back at me once. That was easy. I started to walk toward the parking lot, keys in hand when I heard Julia’s voice behind me.

“Cute couple, right?” She said. I jumped a bit, but then turned to face her. As always she was dressed in plain clothes but you could sense that air of authority about her. Today her badge was pretty visible on her belt; guess she was actually on duty.

“Yeah, cute,” I shrugged. “I just invited them to dinner at the Gamma house on Friday, you want to come too?”

“I’m afraid I’ve got a full plate for the next two weeks,” She shook her head. “But I would like to talk to you about that bruise on your arm. Why didn’t you come in?”

“No witnesses,” I shrugged. “What could you have done?”

“Taken a report,” She said. “The more we have on him, the better.”

“What did that do last time?” I demanded. “He’s still out running free, isn’t he?”

“There’s such a thing as due process,” She said to me with a very serious look on her face. “You wouldn’t like it if we could just go out and arrest people, trust me.”

She was referring of course to that stupid car accident last year. I’d bumped into another car and just driven off. They’d never proven it was me, but she knew.

“So what do you want me to do?”

“Come down to the station tomorrow,” She said. “Make a statement, let’s get it on record.”

“Who told you?”

“Aleah sent me the picture,” She explained. “Look it’s not going to get him arrested, but it’s a start, okay?”

“Yeah meanwhile…”

“How is Audrey?” She asked. “I haven’t heard from her, or seen her.”

“Well, you know,” I said dismissively. “She hangs out in her dorm a lot, comes over to work at the house.”

“Work?”

“Yeah we hired her to mow the grass and stuff, the maintenance position.”

“What happened to the other guy?”

“He just quit for some reason,” I shrugged. “People are unreliable, what can I say?”

“And you’re keeping an eye on her?”

“Yeah, we have someone with her all the time during the day. We don’t let her leave her dorm alone.”

“Would almost be safer to have her pledge to Delta, then she’d have the sorority backing her.”

“That’s true, yeah,” I nodded. “But we can’t take new pledges until next year and she’d have to be out…a lot further out than she is now.”

“Maybe you should give her a little push?” Julia suggested.

“Julia, there are a lot of trans people out there, we can’t save them all.”

Julia shifted weight to her other foot and put a hand on her hip. With her other hand she brushed her red hair aside.

“Do you remember what I told you? That night after you let her leave your house?”

“I remember.”

“I told you that if you guys actively helped her transition, instead of just giving her the number for a support group or something, then you would accept the consequences. This is a consequence.”

“You know when you said that I thought you were talking about hormones, or my clothes getting stretched out.”

“It’s called an unforeseen consequence, Tiffany,” She was getting impatient. So was I.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Be at the station, on Saturday, make sure you don’t forget.”

I’ve always been pretty proud of my car, it was a blue Mercury Milan; my parents paid for it. I can’t say I was really proud of it as I pulled into Shawn’s driveway. If you could call it a driveway. It was more like a road, to be honest. As I pulled in I was greeted by a guardhouse and a wrought iron gate, both of which barred me from entry until I rolled down my window and spoke with the guard.

“Go right in, Miss Grey,” The security guard waved me in as the gate was pulled aside. “Mr. Derringer is waiting for you.”

“Where do I go?” I asked, looking a bit nervously at the huge house.

“Just head on to the front door,” He said. “Someone will let you in.”

I nodded and pressed on the gas pedal, driving the car down the long asphalt driveway. Seriously, it felt like I was on a country road, what the hell was this? I finally came to the end and parked the car in the cul-de-sac, though I wasn’t even sure it would be completely out of the way there. I shrugged and climbed out of the car, shouldering my purse and heading toward the front door. Even the walk there was kind of exhausting honestly.

I walked past the tannish-red brick façade, wondering if anyone was peeping at me through the windows, but shrugged it off as I stepped up and knocked on the door. It took no more than three seconds for a man in a tuxedo to open it and user me in. Seriously, what the hell, Derringer’s family was loaded.

“Wow this is uh…big,” I waved my hand around the huge foyer. It was white marble, because of course it was, and flanked on either side by two massive staircases. Let’s be honest, the floor itself probably cost five times more than the GAT house.

“I appreciate the compliment, Ma’am,” The butler smiled and signaled for me to follow him to the back of the house. We passed beneath the stairs and the landing, eventually walking through a dining area, and finally the backdoor.

“Is he…out here?” I asked as I surveyed the massive green lawn. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Right this way Ma’am, we’ll need to take a cart.”

“A cart?”

The butler led us down the porch stairs and to a waiting white golf cart sat upon a concrete slab and plugged into a charger. Unplugging it, he slid into the driver’s seat and waited for me to hop in. Immediately, we began moving down the green.

“How do you even remember where anything is?” I asked the butler. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.

He laughed a bit as the cart moved along.

“Well,” He said. “You get used to it after a while, and you can call me Jerome.”

“Jerome,” I said, nodding. “That’s a great name.

“Why thank you!” He said, chuckling “I’m pretty fond of it myself!”

“I guess you would be,” I smiled. “So what’s Shawn doing all the way out here?”

“Oh he’s out here shooting I suppose. I think he’s got something special planned for you.”

“Shooting?”

“Skeet,” Jerome explained as he took a sharp left turn to align the cart with a gravel path. “He likes to shoot skeet in his off time.”

“Is that all he does?” I asked curiously.

“Well no, he golfs too.”

“I’m glad he’s so diverse,” I said, staring off at some trees on the horizon. “How big is this place?’

“About 30 acres,” He told me “A lot of it’s wooded, makes for great camping.”

“Oh? You’ve gone camping here?”

“One of the perks of the job,” He said. “Every summer, don’t even have to leave the property to get in tune with nature.”

“I guess that would be a…perk,” I said. I’d never been camping. I didn’t even want to go camping. Why would anyone want to sleep outside?
“Here we are,” He said as he pulled up to a wooden barricade with parking spots carved out in front of it. I could see Shawn off in the distance.
“Thank you, Jerome,” I said as I stepped out of the cart and walked around the barricade.

“Not a problem, young lady!” Jerome called after me as he reversed the cart and drove back toward the house.

“Hey!” I shouted to Shawn as I crossed the grass. He turned toward me, holding a gun of some kind. I think it was a shotgun. He aimed it at the ground as he turned.

“Hey there!” He called out. He walked toward me and embraced me in a half hug, his other arm busy with the gun.

“So…skeet?” I asked innocently.

“Hah, yeah, it’s just a hobby,” He said with a smile.

“Just a hobby,” I laughed. “Most guys your age are playing video games for a hobby.”

“Well I do that to,” He shrugged.

“Well it sounds exciting,” I nodded. I wasn’t really into it.

“Do you want to try?” He asked, motioning to the gun.

“I’m sorry, what?” I blinked.

“Do you want to try shooting a Pidgeon?”

“What? Oh my god, I don’t want to kill a bird!” I recoiled, staring at him wide eyed. He laughed. Why was he laughing? Did he like slaughtering innocent animals? Was I trying to date a psychopath? Holy crap, this was a good way to end up as a lampshade.

“No no,” He reassured me. “I mean a clay pigeon, it’s just a target.”

“Oh! Oh, I am so sorry,” I said. “I thought you meant-“

“It’s not quite hunting season,” He joked. “Come on, I’ll show you how.”

I followed him nervously; I wasn’t sure I wanted to hold a gun, let alone shoot one. What if it exploded in my hand? Oh god, what if I shot someone?

“I don’t…I don’t think this is a good idea,” I stammered as he led me to a wooden block. He explained to me that it was a firing line. I had no idea what that meant. Moments later he was putting the gun in my hands. I immediately doubled over. Oh my god it was heavy!

“Okay here,” He said, wrapping his fingers around the barrel of the gun and holding it in place for me. With his other hand, he guided the end up toward my sounder. “This is the butt of the rifle, now here, use your other hand to hold…yeah, here.”

“What if I shoot…someone?” I asked. I was a little terrified, not going to lie.

“Tiffany,” He said, motioning toward the empty field in front of us. “There’s no one out here to shoot. Just relax, you’re going to be fine.”

“Okay but what if it explodes?!”

“It’s not going to explode, now just aim it up, like this.”

“It’s…really long, and heavy,” I complained.

“Wow.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

I tried hard to hold the gun up. He told me to close one eye and aim down the barrel, so I did.

“Okay,” He said. “Now I’m going to—”

Whatever he was going to say, he was interrupted by a roar as my finger bumped the trigger and the gun fired. The ‘butt’ slammed against my shoulder, knocking me back onto the grass with the gun falling to the side. I screamed.

“Oh my god!” He shouted. “Tiffany? Tiffany are you okay?”

“What the hell?” I demanded. “I barely touched it! Oh my god! Oh my god it hurts!”

I clutched my throbbing shoulder as he dropped to his knees and began to inspect it.

“It’s fine,” He said crouching. “Just a little bit of recoil, but you’re going to be okay.”

“I am?”

“You’ll bruise a bit,” He admitted.

“What did that happen?” I demanded. “Why the hell did it do that?”

“I guess I forgot to tell you to keep your finger off the trigger.”

“Did I kill anyone?”

“Probably not.”

“Oh.”

“Are you disappointed?” He asked quizzically.

“No no,” I said as I finally sat up and let him help me to my feet. He immediately bent over to retrieve the gun. I guess I wasn’t doing a great job of impressing him so far.

“Well,” He said. “If you’re okay, I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise, huh?” I said. “It’s not another gun, is it?”

He laughed.

“No, it’s something a little more…domestic.”

Gun in hand he led me away from the ‘firing line’ and toward a gazebo.

“Oh wow,” I said. He’d set up a table, complete with a dining set and wine. He really liked his wine.

“I thought maybe you’d like dinner out again,” He said coyly.

“Well I guess I am a little hungry,” I smiled as he pulled out a chair and I took a seat. He immediately sat opposite of me. In the center of the table was a cloche. I don’t know what I knew that’s what it was called. For those of you who aren’t up on the latest dining terms, a cloche is one of those dome covered pans.

“I took the liberty of having some roast chicken made for us,” He said, removing the lid to reveal one of the most amazingly cooked birds I’d ever seen.

“Oh…oh wow,” I said. “This is amazing.”

“So while we eat,” He said, his expression suddenly turning serious. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Well that doesn’t sound good,” I said jokingly as I served myself.

“It’s not that bad,” He chuckled. “It’s just that…you know that missing pledge I told you about?”

“You mean that Tim guy?” I asked.

“No, Todd,” He said, staring at me. “I assume you know his name too. Please don’t insult my intelligence.”

“I…what?” I asked. What did he know?

“I got a call from him the other day, he apologized and told me that Greek life just wasn’t for him.”

I remembered hearing Audrey’s side of that conversation. That was sort of how it went, if you accounted for her stammering and nearly vomiting all over our floor from nerves.

“Well that’s great,” I smiled. “I’m glad you got that worked out.”

“Yeah,” He nodded. “He called from your phone.”

I had been taking a sip of wine when he said that. I don’t think there could have been any possible way to keep my composure. I immediately swallowed and immediately choked; so hard in fact that he was at my side in a moment slapping the small of my back until I could breathe again. I doubled over the table and clutched the white cloth on my fist.

“Are you okay?” He asked me after my breathing was finally under control.

“Yeah I’m fine,” I said. “It just went down the wrong way.”

“Right,” He nodded, returning to his seat. “So, what was Todd doing with your phone?”

“I mean…”

“Tiffany,” He said, looking directly into my eyes from across the table. “I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, but I have to clear it up. Obviously you’re not recruiting Todd for your sorority, I mean, that would be…stupid, but I have to make sure you’re not discouraging people from joining DEM. It’s not something I want to bring up with the Greek council, or even Aleah, so I’m coming to you first. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

I paled and shook my head. This was a problem. The Greek council at Woodcrest had strict rules about interfering with the recruiting process for other houses. We couldn’t steal members from Tri Pi, they couldn’t steal them from us, and we couldn’t try to prevent other people from joining houses, no matter what. Did it really look like we’d stopped Audrey from joining DEM? What was I even supposed to say?

“I…” My voice caught in my throat. Was I supposed to tell him that Audrey wasn’t joining DEM because she’d decided she was a girl?
Seriously, what the hell do you even do in this situation?

“Look,” He said. “I can tell from the look on your face that there’s something serious going on, maybe…maybe you’re not trying to interfere, and that’s why I wanted to ask you first. Can you at least tell me there’s nothing going on?”

“There’s nothing going on,” I said quietly. I was shaken. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid. This was like, something that could get me kicked out of GAT, and not by Aleah.

“Tiffany,” He said. “It’s okay, I’m not going to say anything, I just needed to know there was nothing going on. If you can’t tell me any more than that I’ll accept it. I understand some things are private.”

“Alright, alright,” I said, there had been a knot forming in my stomach and it was working its way up to my throat. “I…no…we’re not interfering with your recruiting I just…I can’t tell you what’s going on with Todd. It’s just…it’s private.”

He nodded.

“You know what, I can respect that.”

I suddenly smirked a bit.

“Is something funny?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” I laughed. “I was just thinking…it’s kind of hot when you take authority like that.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, it’s just, I mean…”

“You mean what?” He asked. I couldn’t tell if he was being assertive or genuinely curious.

“I mean you’re…”

“Would you…like me to take charge…some more?” He grinned.

I tilted my head.

“Please.”

“Tiff, what’s going on with you?” Isabella asked as we pushed a squeaky cart down a grocery aisle later that night. “You’re like…glowing.”
“Oh, nothing,” I said in sing-song voice. She was staring at me. She didn’t need to know anything. Tonight we were out getting stuff for tomorrow’s dinner. “Do you think we should go with a roast?”

“Think we should make Audrey make whatever it is we have,” Isabella huffed.

“Does Audrey even know how to cook?” I was genuinely curious. I really had no idea.

“Yes.”

“What? Really? She never even eats.”

I peered down into a freezer gondola and picked up a huge roast. It might have been overkill but it had to feed at least five people, so why not?

“I follow her on Facebook, she took a picture of some dinner she made for Chastity,”

“Ugh, she takes pictures of her food? She’s one of those?”

“Yeah, but not too many selfies, though.”

“Well thank god for that,” I said. Maybe I should start following her on Facebook.

“So you really want to do roast?

“Yeah,” I shrugged. “It’s easy, it feeds a lot of people, why not?”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right. We’ll need to get something to go with it though,” Isabella was biting her lip and looking around the store. It wasn’t very busy in here; it was a Thursday night, so all of the ‘regular’ people were still waiting on their paychecks. Money wasn’t something that I typically had to worry about. My family wasn’t loaded, I mean, not like Shawn’s, but we did pretty well.

“Mashed potatoes,” I said. “You can never go wrong with mashed potatoes.”

“Like, the instant kind?”

“Nah,” I said. “We can just make them from scratch.”

“We going to have Audrey mash them?”

I laughed.

“Audrey is probably freaking out right now. Maybe we should give her a break, for once.”

“That’s weird coming from you,” Isabella said as we made our way toward the produce section. “You’re not one to give her a break, usually.”
I shrugged.

“Feeling generous today I guess.”

“Well don’t let it become a regular thing,” Isabella laughed, stopping by the potatoes. “We like our Tiff bitch.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”

We walked in silence for a bit, occasionally stopping to grab something from a shelf, or to look at something. A few moments later Isabella tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to the deli section across the store. Audrey. Audrey was there at the cheese case with Chastity. Who were they talking to?”

“That’s Kari,” She whispered. I don’t know why she was whispering, it’s not like we could be heard from across the store.

“Kari?” I asked. “Whose Kari?”

“She’s the trans girl from Omega, remember?”

“I really try not to think about Omega,” I growled. “Bunch of nerds.”

“Okay, whatever, but Chastity has a trans friend?”

“Oh,” I said, nodding. “I guess that’s a good thing but she…she looks really good, can they even tell she’s trans?”

“It’s kind of common knowledge,” Isabella said. “I mean you’d have to be living under a rock…or...whatever.”

I watched the redhead girl, Kari, walk away from them smiling and waving. Audrey and Chastity returned their attention to the cheese case. I noticed for the first time that they worked so well together. Like, you could tell that they had chemistry, even from this far away. They’d been together for what, three years? That’s literally a lifetime.

“You know,” Isabella pointed out. “Once we tell her, we won’t have to deal with Audrey anymore. Chastity will take over.”

“Can’t happen soon enough,” I rolled my eyes. “The last few weeks have been…interesting but…I really want to go back to my life?”

“Did you really LEAVE your life?” Isabella smirked. “You’ve just been a complete bitch, like normal.”

“I am what god made me,” I shrugged as we watched Audrey and Chastity walk away and disappear into another part of the store.

“You know what?” Isabella said, grabbing the cart and walking past me. “I really need some setting powder.”

“What?” I said mockingly. “You’re going to buy makeup at a grocery store?”

“Not everyone can afford to shop at Ulta you bitch,” She replied, partially joking, partially not.

I walked alongside her, toward the makeup aisle and watched her sort through the setting powders. There were only like three to choose from but she was taking a lifetime. I wanted to yell at her to just go with the translucent one, but I just stood there, staring off into space. She was right, after tomorrow everything would go back to normal. Audrey wouldn’t be at our house as much, or at all, probably, and you know what? I was really, really happy with that. It would be good for her and better for me. Actually if we’re being honest, I wanted to walk across the store and tell Chastity to her face, right now so we could skip this stupid dinner. God it was going to be awkward. No, no, stick to the plan. I had to follow through. Aleah wanted to play her little game, and I was going to let her. She was the chapter president, after all.

“What do you think of this?” She asked as she held up a setting powder and pointed to it. “Do you think this will work for my complexion?”

“Honey,” I said. “That’s translucent, it’ll work for any complexion.”

“Oh,” She said. “I didn’t know that.”

“My god,” I said as I rolled my eyes at her. “You know, Aleah keeps wanting to make me her vice president. What she should really do is make me the house fashion coordinator.”

“Oh! I bet that would be a really good job for you!” She said excitedly, the joke going over her head as she dropped the powder in the cart.
“Uh…yeah,” I agreed. “A really…good…job.”

As we walked to the self checkout, we ran into someone I hadn’t seen out and about for a while: Olivia. She was sporting this black and white paid top and a pair of jeans, really cute I guess, but there was something different. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Hey movie star,” I joked. “What’s with the sunglasses?”

She smile at me slightly and tilted her head.

“Just trying something new!” She said cheerfully. “What’s with the roast?”

“Oh we’re…having a dinner tomorrow,” I explained. “You wanna come?”

“Oh!” She said. “Well—”

“She’s busy tomorrow,” Mike said as he walked up behind her and stared at me smugly, wrapping his arm around her.

My heart skipped a beat. I don’t know why; we were in a really public place. It’s not like there was anything he could do to me. I felt nervous all the same.

“Well,” I said, trying to keep an even tone of voice. “If you change your mind, it’s at-“

“She won’t change her mind,” Mike interrupted. “She has plans.”

“Excuse me,” I said. “I’m talking to Olivia.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Olivia said quickly. “We have to get going anyway. I’ll see you later, Tiffany.”

“Yeah,” I said as they walked away. “See you later.”

“What are we going to do about that?” Isabella asked me quietly after a moment of silence.

“He’ll be lucky if I don’t take a can opener to his head,” I said. I wanted to sound tough, but honestly? I was afraid. Really, really afraid. What could I even do about it? He hadn’t even been locked up after he attacked Audrey. What could be done at all? Was he just going to keep walking around free? Would he keep terrorizing us? I had no idea, and I was afraid.

There are five of us here for the dinner. It was in this moment I realized how shocked I was that more sisters never stayed for dinner in the house, seriously. Today is was me, Aleah, Isabella, Amelie, and Lauren. They were nervous, but I wasn’t.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Amelie asked me. She was our house mother. For those of you who aren’t up on sorority lingo, the house mother is on the payroll, she’s the person whose sort of supposed to guide us and give us advice. Amelie was a Gamma alumni, I guess she’d been the chapter president about eight years ago and now she was here to relive her old college days. She’d insisted on being here for this dinner. I don’t know why; it’s not like we couldn’t handle it.

“Yeah, I want her out of my life,” I said simply.

Amelie nodded.

“You know it might not be that simple, right?” She said quietly. “You need to be ready to deal with the fallout, if there is any.”

“There’s not going to be any fallout,” Aleah said, checking the roast in the crock pot. I’d put it in there earlier in the day; it should have been ready by now. I watched Aleah confirm it by pulling off a small piece and tasting. She nodded. We probably could have done this with takeout.

“You girls are going to have to start listening to me at some point,” Amelie lectured. “Why am I even here if you’re not going to?”

“I listen to you,” Isabella piped up.

“Yes sweetie, you’re one of the good ones,” Amelie half smiled toward her.

“Hey do we want to pull out the good dishes?” Lauren suggested, pointing toward the cabinet where we kept the ‘good’ china. You know, the kind we would pull out for Christmas, or Thanksgiving.

“I really don’t want her to think something’s up,” Aleah replied. “Just use the regular dishes.”

“I think she’s going to know something’s up when she sees someone actually cooked,” Amelie said as she pulled the plates from the cupboard and began setting the table.

“Oh you are absolutely hilarious,” Aleah rolled her eyes.

The doorbell rang. Honestly, Audrey could have just walked right in and no one would have cared but hey, she had to keep up appearances for Chastity. I had to remind myself that until Chastity knew, we had to act like Audrey had never been to this house, ever. That was going to be hard. After a brief argument over who was going to get the door I found myself walking across the living room and pulling it open. Chastity and Audrey were standing there, and I was kind of taken aback; I’d never seen Audrey in nice clothes – not male clothes anyway. I’d seen her in my clothes, obviously, but today she was wearing a nice button up shirt and pressed khaki pants; probably something Chastity had made her wear. I wondered if it upset her. I forced myself to stop thinking about that and smiled at them.

“Hey Chastity!” I said as I embraced her in a huge. “It’s so great to see you again!”

“I know!” She said, hugging me back. “We need to do this more often!”

Over her shoulder as we hugged I could see Audrey there looking horribly awkward. Maybe confused? Horrified? All of those rolled into one? I guess she’d been counting down the days, and probably not in a good way. Part of me wanted to ask if she was okay, the other part of me just wanted to watch her squirm. The latter won out.

“Oh, let me take your coats!” Amelie said, walking briskly through the living room. “My name is Amelie, I’m so glad to meet both of you!”
I smirked a bit. Amelie was as good at acting as any of us. It was no wonder she was our house mother.

“You know, I would have us sit for a while and talk but dinner’s actually ready,” I laughed as I accompanied Chastity to the dining room with Audrey following closely behind. She hadn’t said a word since she entered the house. I thought about asking her if she was okay, or maybe it would be better to watch her squirm. I chose the latter.

“Oh that’s okay, we’re starving!” Chastity said happily.

“Is that right?” I smirked at Audrey. She would be starving; she never eats. She saw my smirk and blushed, averting her gaze to the floor.

“Oh my god, Tiffany,” Chastity said as we moved into the kitchen and sat around the table. “I absolutely love your top; where did you get it?”

“Oh this old thing?” I motioned down to the silky pink scoop-neck I was wearing. “I got it on sale, it was about ten bucks, if you can believe that.”

“Jeez,” She said. “Do they have any left?”

“They might,” I laughed. “They were all in different sizes on the clearance rack though.”

“So!” Amelie announced as she lightly clapped her hands. “Ladies, tonight we have a pork roast, made by the lovely Aleah, and mashed potatoes, of course-“

“Aren’t you leaving Todd out? We’re not all ladies,” Chastity asked with mock offense.

“Oh, jeez,” Amelie said. I froze a bit. No one wanted to actually misgender Todd. Good thing it wouldn’t be a problem after tonight. “Well, Todd can be an honorary lady tonight!”

There was nervous laughter around the table from everyone but Chastity – her laughter was less than nervous.

“Well alright,” She grinned. “I’m sure Todd would make a great girl.”

More laughter. She would definitely be okay with this.

We continued talking for like an hour I think. We talked to Chastity about her classes, asked her about her plans after graduation. It was all really normal, kind of like the old days, but nothing like them. Audrey said absolutely nothing. Finally, I spoke to her.

“So um, Todd, that’s your name, right?” I said, locking eyes with her.

“Oh…yeah, heh, that’s my name,” She said, looking at me nervously.

“What do you do? What’s your major?” I passed it off as a very casual question. I knew her major was English; I just wanted to get her into the conversation.

“It’s uh…it’s journalism,” She practically squeaked it out.

“That’s…exciting,” I said. It wasn’t exciting. “What do you want to do after school?”

“Well I guess I could work for an editor, like Penguin Press or something,” She shrugged. “But you know, I’d…rather write books, and stuff.”

“Books about what?” Aleah seemed intrigued.

“Oh my gosh,” Chastity interrupted. “Todd is the BIGGEST fantasy buff ever. He reads those Lord of the Rings books…and plays those online games.”

“Oh you’re a gamer?” Isabella said, her face lighting up a bit. “What do you play?”

“I…mostly play Dark Pantheon with my roommate, Mason,” She shrugged. “It’s…I mean it’s okay, but I guess I just haven’t been that interested in gaming lately.”

“And that’s a GOOD thing,” Chastity laughed, taking Audrey’s hand and interlocking their fingers momentarily. “He used to spend ALL day on those games.”

“Yeah, I guess I did overdo it a bit,” Audrey admitted.

“A bit?” Chastity raised an eyebrow. “You spent an entire weekend on it, you didn’t even eat.”

Audrey never ate anyway.

Chastity looked at her empty plate and sighed.

“You know, I hate to do this,” She said. “But I have to get up early tomorrow so I think I’m going to split. It was great seeing you again though, Tiffany, and it was great meeting all of you!”

“Oh, yeah,” Audrey said. “We really should get going.”

No one was going to let her off that easy.

“Actually…”I started.

“We need to talk about something,” Aleah interrupted me, looking directly at Audrey who was now squeezing her eyes shut and literally quivering. Chastity looked around the table, a bit curious and finally asked.

“What is it?”

“Well it’s uh…it’s about your boyfriend,” Aleah said. I watched Amelie fold her hands on the table, simply observing the situation. Isabella quietly slid out of her chair and went to stand by the back door.

“What is this?” Chastity asked. She wasn’t mad or anything, not yet.

“Okay well, to start,” Aleah said. “This isn’t the first time Todd’s been here. We all know Todd, very, very well.”

I watched as Chastity turned and stared at Audrey whose head was still hung. She didn’t even dare to speak. Maybe she was hoping that the moment would pass with someone announcing it was all a joke. No such luck, Audrey.

“I think,” Amelie said, finally speaking up. “That maybe Todd should be the one to say it. It’s not really our place, is it?”

I looked over at Audrey who had turned probably four different shades of red and was on the verge of tears. Seriously. I felt like she wasn’t even capable of speaking at this point.

“Todd you’re going to have to say something,” Said, staring at her until she finally made eye contact with her. “She needs to know, it’s not fair of you to do this to her, seriously.”

“I…” Audrey started to say, but the rest of her words came out as some kind of choking sound.

“Are you…are you cheating on me with one of them?” Chastity demanded, turning to Audrey as she moved to stand up from her chair.
“Oh, I wish it were that simple,” Lauren said from across the table.

“Well if you’re not cheating then what is it?” She demanded. Her voice was getting heated, really heated. She was almost angry.

“Todd, say it,” I pushed. “Just say it.”

“You…you can’t make me do this,” Audrey stammered. “I needed more time…”

“More time for what?” I said sharply. “How long were you planning to date her before you said something? Do you really want her to find out that your entire relationship was a lie ten years from now?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Chastity finally pushed her chair back and stood up from the table, glaring down at Audrey who was now practically cowering in her chair. “Todd, whatever it is you’d better say it right now or I’m walking out, and don’t you even bother to call me.”

Audrey snapped to life and tried to stand, but forgot to push her chair out first. She stumbled as it fell backward and slammed into the kitchen floor. She grabbed the table for support.

“Chastity,” She gasped. She was crying now. “I don’t…I don’t…”

“You don’t want to what?” Chastity demanded. “Would someone tell me what’s going on? I’m about to leave, seriously.”

Audrey looked at me, her eyes pleading.

“Do you want me to say it?” I asked her. She knew I was the only person in here that would do it. She nodded slowly.

All eyes were on me now. You know, from everything I’d read online, what we were doing now wasn’t really a good idea. In a way we were kind of forcing her to come out to Chastity but, honestly, could we let her keep lying? She was basically leading her on even if that wasn’t the intent. Was this okay? Was it our business? Well, technically she made it our business when she broke into our house, I guess.

“Aleah,” I said. “The pictures.”

Aleah unlocked her phone and handed it to me with one of the pictures already up. I glanced at it for a second before holding the phone out for Chastity to take. Audrey looked completely mortified. I almost felt bad for her. Almost. Chastity locked eyes with me as she took the phone, and them glanced down at the screen.

“Well she’s really pretty,” Chasity said, her eyes moving over the screen “But who is she?”

She looked up from the phone, and back to me, then back to Aleah. Aleah raised a finger, pointing across the table at Audrey who was now leaning against the wall with her head in her hands. Chastity looked back at the phone, and then back at Audrey.

“No it isn’t,” She said accusingly. “What is this? What’s going on?”

I sighed.

“Chastity, Todd isn’t…a guy. Never has been, she’s a trans girl, her name is Audrey. There, now you know. Maybe you two should talk about it.”

“That’s…that’s not even possible,” Chasity said, looking from Audrey, to the phone, and then back to me. “I would have known.”

“Well to be really fair to you,” I said. “We just though she was some kind of pervert. She’s super quiet, never talks to anyone; I’m not even sure how she ended up with you. Like, we didn’t even know until last week.”

There was a moment of awkward silence as Chastity digested the information, and then finally turned to Audrey.

“Todd,” She said firmly. “Look at me. Take your head out of your hands and look at me.”

Audrey slowly lifted her head and finally made eye contact with Chastity who was glaring at her. You would have needed a chainsaw to cut through this tension.

“Yes,” Todd whispered. It was like a complete repeat of the scene last week, just with more people present. We were all staring intently at Chastity, wondering what she would do next. We probably hadn’t handled this very well. Oh well, a little late for regrets now, right?

“So you’ve been lying to me,” She accused. It was true, technically, though that approach was a little harsh.

“I didn’t…didn’t want to lose you,” Audrey said. “I thought…I just thought—”

“How long?” Chastity demanded. “How long have you known?”

“I…since I was six I guess?”

“And you just…decided not to tell me before we got together?”

“You know, it can be really hard to come out with this sort of thing,” Aleah tried to help. “I don’t think she meant to hurt you.”

“He,” Chastity corrected.

“Excuse me?” Aleah said, pushing her chair back and standing up from the table. From the corner of my eye I saw Isabella begin to move back toward us.

“Look,” Chastity said. “If you have a penis you’re a boy, if you have a vagina, you’re a girl. You might think you’re a girl, Todd, but that just means you need help, serious help.”

“Um, woah,” Lauren interjected, she stood up alongside Aleah. “That’s like…not even…wow.”

“That’s kinda not what I expected you to say,” I looked at Chastity. I was genuinely surprised. Seriously.

“How exactly did you think I would react?” She snapped at me.

“I guess…I thought you would be okay with it,” I said, shocked. “I mean you’re…bi and everything, right?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m okay with freaks!” She practically screamed. “And that doesn’t mean I want my boyfriend to…wear dresses! Oh my god!”

“Chastity…” Audrey said, reaching out to touch her arm. Chastity jerked backward and glared at her.

“Stay away from me!” She shrieked. “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Audrey wailed. “I didn’t…I don’t…”

She was just blubbering at this point. Tears were streaming down her face. I’d seen her upset before but never anything like this. Her eyes were empty, it was like the soul had been sucked out of her body in a single instant. A lump was forming in my throat as I stood there surveying the scene, rife with mental anguish, and it was beginning to dawn on me that it had been my fault. I’d pushed her, I’d done this.

“Audrey,” Aleah spoke. Her voice was firm, but gentle. “Go with Lauren, upstairs to the bedroom. Don’t leave that room until I come for you.”

“But—” Audrey protested, still staring at Chastity who was glaring at Aleah.

“GO,” Aleah commanded.

Within seconds they were gone, Lauren walking behind Audrey up the stairs. We could hear Audrey’s quiet sobs as she disappeared onto the second floor. We returned our attention to Chastity. Aleah’s hand was balled into a fist.

“You listen to me,” Aleah said. “You know who we are, Gamma Alpha Tau. You know what we can do. If you breathe a single word about this to ANYONE, your friend, your teachers, your mother, your pet goldfish, we WILL know, and you can kiss your scholarship goodbye.”
“Wait, so you’re blackmailing me?” Chastity shook her head. “I just had my life RUINED and you’re telling me I can’t TALK to anyone about it?”

“Your life isn’t ruined,” Aleah said. “Hers might be.”

“Hers?” Chastity growled. “What am I supposed to do?”

“I suggest,” Aleah said. “That you lean to keep a journal, and talk to that, because you’re not telling anyone about her.”

Maybe we should follow our own advice next time.

Chastity stormed around the table and made her way to the living room, grabbing her purse from the couch and her jacket from the hook by the door.

“I won’t tell anyone,” She said, turning around to face us one last time as we followed her as far as the couch. “He’s your problem now.”

I stood there, my feet frozen to the floor as I stared at the front door. Jesus Christ, what had we just done?

“Audrey?” Aleah gently shook nudged her shoulder. While we’d been downstairs, she’d fallen asleep on the bed, her head buried in Lauren’s lap. “Wake up sweetie.”

She opened her eyes slowly, rolling them to look up at Aleah. She remained silent until Aleah finally spoke again.

“You’re staying here tonight,” Aleah said finally. “We don’t…usually allow that sort of thing, but...we don’t want you to leave…like this, okay? You’re staying here. I need you to get up though so you can change.”

She sat up but she didn’t speak. I watched her as she changed into a pair of Aleah’s pajamas. She seemed so fragile, much more so than before. I was having trouble processing it; I mean yeah, she was pretty easygoing, but at least she had a personality before. Now I felt like I was looking at the empty shell of a person. She was shattered, defeated, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

“Okay, just climb under the covers, okay?” Isabella covered her up. Still, not a peep from her.

“Okay, if you need us we’ll be downstairs, okay?” Aleah reassured her, but she might as well have been talking to a wall. It was still early, so this room was relatively empty, but it actually had ten beds, just like the other four bedrooms. I saw Aleah pull out her phone and send out a group text, warning them that Audrey would be there tonight. At least she had her bases covered.

We walked downstairs in silence and took a seat on the sectional couch.

“Oh my god,” Aleah spoke first. “What the hell did we just do?”

“We just broke her,” Lauren said. “We broke Audrey.”

“So, what do you plan to do now?” Amelie asked. She seemed to be keeping her distance from the situation.

“Damage control,” I said. “We have to make sure we don’t hurt her any more than we already have.”

“You seem to care a whole lot all of a sudden,” Isabella observed.

“I care about the house, and my scholarship,” I told her. I was lying. “Both of which could be gone if this got out.”

“You know,” Lauren said. “What we did wasn’t technically against any rules.”

“It just wouldn’t look good,” Aleah said, and Amelie nodded. Even if it didn’t hurt our chapter’s standing with the sorority, it would kill our reputation on campus. I know Aleah cared about Audrey, but I swear the rest of us were just doing this to keep our reputations intact. That wasn’t immoral, right?

“Okay, so I have a question,” Isabella said. “This is going to sound really, really stupid but-“

“No question that ever started that way ends well,” Aleah glanced at her as the words came out of her mouth.

“Okay, but seriously,” She said. “I get that Audrey wants to be a girl but…if it’s causing so many problems, then why can’t she just…be a boy?”

“Oh god, if it were that simple,” Lauren sighed.

“Isn’t it that simple?” Isabella looked at all of us. “I mean…wear pants and drink beer and…I don’t know, be a lumberjack or something?”
I snorted. That was kind of funny, admittedly.

“You know,” I said. “Everyone here knows I’m not the most sympathetic person. Like, well…but this is a real thing. How do I explain this? If a person doesn’t identify with their birth gender it starts to like…get to them…I guess. Like I’ve met a lot of trans people, before and after. I was really skeptical about it at first, and I don’t really understand it but I can tell you they’re happier after they put the clothes on and start acting like the gender they think they are.”

“More like the gender they know they are,” Aleah stared at me.

“Whatever it is,” I rolled my eyes. “People deserve to live however they want as long as it’s not hurting anyone.”

“Okay, so…tell me this…how do we know Audrey is actually…trans and not just going along with what we want?” Isabella looked at each of us again with a serious look on her face.

“There were the forum posts on her phone,” Aleah pointed out. I had a brief flashback to that moment a week ago. After we’d caught her in our room, we’d tied her up and taken like, fifty pictures of her in Aleah’s dress. Then, with her phone, we’d been planning to send the pictures to all of her contacts, including her parents. Just before we’d started that, Aleah accidentally tapped the ‘browser’ button on that shitty phone screen and the Transgender Hope forum had popped right up. Audrey had made literally thousands of posts and comments. To me, that didn’t really mitigate the fact that she’d broken into our house, but you know what? Everyone deserves to be happy.

“And, also,” Lauren said pointedly. “Audrey did literally everything we asked without really complaining. We made her work a party, in a dress. We’ve had her dress as herself every time she’s come over here, and she’s never thrown a fit. Do you think a man who is…a man would let us do that?”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “Try doing that to one of the DEM brothers and see how they react.”

“What about the pictures?” Lauren said, still half-convinced she was right. “Like, could she think she’s being blackmailed.”

“I deleted the pictures from the first night,” Aleah shook her head. “And I made sure to tell her that I did.”

“She’s here of her own free will,” I said. “She could walk out the front door right now and no one would stop her.”

“Yep,” That was all Aleah had to add.

“So then…what do we do?” Isabella asked.

“About?”

“About…Audrey?”

“Well, we messed up,” I said. “We pushed her into something she wasn’t ready for. I think we just keep supporting her. One day she’ll be ready to come out, to everyone, and that’ll be cool, but until then…”

“We just keep playing dress up with her?” Isabella raised an eyebrow.

“Well just think of it this way,” I said. “We help her transition, and when she finally comes out, we could have her pledge to Gamma. Suddenly we’re the most progressive sorority on campus.”

“You’re literally talking about using her,” Aleah stared at me.

“You wanted her in, remember?”

“Not like that!”

“I don’t think she’s going to care either way,” Lauren said. She was probably right.

“Let’s just get some sleep,” I said. “I have to study tomorrow and Audrey has to…do whatever it is Audrey does when we’re not ruining her life.”

We all dispersed and went to our rooms upstairs. I laid down in my bed and stared at Audrey, sleeping across the room. Slowly, and quietly, I wrapped my arms around my pillow and buried my face in the soft fabric, quietly sobbing to myself and hoping to god no one else could hear me. I hated myself so much, and this was only the beginning.

I nodded to Sakiya as I sat down at the table in the quad. She was nicely dressed, as usual. Tri Pi’s fashion sense had always been a little more refined than ours, I guess you could say. Yeah we were on top of the latest trends, but every Tri Pi girl looked like they could wake up in the morning and walk into church every single day of the week, it was disturbing, or even kind of Stepfordy.

“So,” She said. “I’m going to cut right to the chase, how can I help you exactly?”

“Okay so, Gamma ran into a little problem, it started with this guy named Todd, he’s uh…an English major I think?”

“I know exactly who you’re talking about,” Sakiya nodded. “Kind of a creepy guy, was dating Chastity, not sure how he ended up with her but I’m glad she dumped him, I kind of feared for her life.”

“Yeah, well, about that…” I said. “I wanted you to know that I came to you with this because you’re the president of the LGBT club, and maybe—”

“Wait,” She stared at me. “Are you saying Todd’s gay?”

“Uh…kind…of?” I said, cocking my head a bit. “I mean uh…it’s…he’s…”

“I’m on a schedule here,” Sakiya pointed to a nonexistent watch on her wrist. “You’re going to want to spit it out, whatever it is.”

So I told her. I told her everything from the beginning. I think it took all of twenty minutes to unfold the entire tale and by the time I was done she was staring at me blankly. Had she heard what I’d just said? Any of it at all? There was an awkward silence and then, she suddenly cleared her throat and brushed her bangs from her face before speaking.

“Tiffany, do you hear that?” She asked, staring intently into my eyes with a finger resting against her chin as if she were simultaneously deep in thought.

“Hear…what?” I asked. I listened, the area around us was actually pretty quiet. “I don’t hear…anything.”

“Oh!” She said. “It’s that tree over there! It’s lamenting the fact that it had to burst forth from a seed, survive life as a sapling in this cruel, unforgiving world, and managed to defy the odds, growing into a huge oak tree just so it could provide oxygen for your mentally deficient self.”

“Excuse me?!” I demanded, slamming both hands on the table. “I didn’t—”

“You did!” Sakiya shouted at me. “You took a perfectly nor—okay you took a trans girl and you traumatized the fuck out of her! Like do you know how many years of therapy it’s going to tak…UGH! I don’t even have words for how mad I am at you. You are so…all of you are so STUPID! GAT has always had a bad reputation, I don’t know why they even allow you onto the Greek council, but holy fucking Jesus Christ on an English muffin you daft fucking prick!”

“Wow…um…I’m…sorry?”

“You’re sorry?” Sakiya raised an eyebrow. “What exactly did you think you were doing? I could understand playing a little bit of dress up. Trans girls love being helped with the whole clothing thing, and maybe you could have just taught her to do her makeup. A little pet project never hurt anyone, but you MADE her come OUT to her fucking GIRLFRIEND?! I can’t believe I have to tell you that this is wrong!”

“You know,” I said. “We were just playing it by ear, we’ve never really run into anything like this before, and Todd- I mean Audrey seems to like it with us—”

“Are you sure that’s not Stockholm Syndrome?”

“I don’t know what to do Sakiya,” I said, throwing my hands up in frustration. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

“Um…did you try directing her to a therapist or maybe the fucking LGBT club? Did you try…um…I don’t know…ANYTHING but what you did?”

“Sakiya, serious, help me,” I pleaded. “Ever since we…did…that she’s been super depressed. I’m literally afraid she’s just going to kill herself.”

“Oh I’m going to help you,” Sakiya said condescendingly. “But first you’re going to do something for me, well, two things. Stand up, walk over to that tree, and apologize to it.”

“What?” I demanded. “You want me to what?!”

“Go apologize to that tree for wasting its life. Tell it you’re going to try to be a good girl, and that this Christmas you’ll give Tiny Tim the money to buy the Christmas goose. Get up, go to the tree, I’m on a schedule.”

I searched her face, trying to find anything resembling sarcasm. She couldn’t be serious, right? The longer I stared at her the more insistent her expression became. I finally sighed and stood up from the bench, biting my lower lip as I took a few steps backward and the did a full 180 toward the tree.

“I’m…sorry…” I said to the tree. I felt like a complete idiot.

“Tell it what you’re sorry for!”

“I’m…sorry that…you have to produce oxygen for me.” What the hell, this was so stupid.

“Now apologize for global warming!”

“What the hell Sakiya, it’s not even real!” I spat back.

“Okay, and then apologize for being a republican!”

“Okay…tree,” I sighed. “I’m sorry for global warming and I’m sorry for my political views.”

“Get back over here,” Sakiya sighed. I walked back toward the table, rolling my eyes as I went.

“Okay,” She said to me as I sat down. “Listen to me very closely, because this is what we’re going to do.”

“Hey, cheer up Audrey,” I said as I turned onto Main street and into a row of back to back restaurants, all lit up and making my stomach growl.
“Aleah please,” She said. “I just…couldn’t I just stay at home tonight?”

“You’ve been cooped up in your dorm for three days,” I said. “You needed to get out. I’m getting you out.”

“It’s really creepy that you know that,” She said. “Don’t you guys have anything better to do than watch me?”

“Uh…yeah,” I said. “Lots of things. Lots and lots of things but…yeahhhhhh.”

I looked at her from the corner of my eye as the scenery outside flew past; she definitely wasn’t happy. Okay she was pouting like a teenager. Seriously. You know, come to think of it, that was kind of adorable. I took a hard left through an intersection and pulled into a Burger King.

“What are we doing here?” She asked me as I took the car through the drive thru.

“Getting you dinner,” I said.

“I’m not hungry,” She turned and stared out the window.

“You’ve been in your dorm for three days and we know you don’t have food in there,” I told her.

“Okay how do you know I don’t have food in there?” She turned to look at me.

“Because Courtney and Ashley have dropped you off a few times and check your fridge when they walked into the dorm with you, and you never go to the store so…”

“That’s so creepy,” She said.

“Welcome to a world where people care about you,” I shrugged. “It sucks.”

“You don’t have to care that much,” She informed me. “I’m fine.”

“What do you want?” I pointed to the menu.

“I…” She started to say ‘nothing’, but she knew I wouldn’t take that for an answer. “I guess…fries.”

I rolled my window down and spoke to the drive-thru speaker.

“Hey, can I get a number…1 with fries and a large coke?”

“Hey, I don’t need coke, that’s pure suga—” Audrey started to say, but I held a hand up and shushed her.

“Will that be all?” The drive thru attendant asked me.

“Yes please,” I said.

“Alright, please pull around.”

I released the brake and pulled around to the side of the restaurant.

“You’re gonna have to learn, Audrey,” I said as I paid for the food. “When we tell you to eat, you eat. You know, if you ate like a normal person we wouldn’t have to do this.”

“I just don’t…I don’t feel like it,” She shrugged.

“That’s called depression, honey,” I said. “You need to look into that.”

“I’m not depressed.”

“You’re something,” I said, taking the food and driving off. “Now when we get home you’re going to eat this.”

“Home?”

“Well, my home,” I corrected.

We passed the rest of the ride in silence until we reached the house. I pulled around to the parking lot on the side and a few moments later we were standing on the porch beneath the ΓΑΤ sign.

“So…why are we here?” Audrey asked. She was a little confused; it was a Saturday evening and I’d just showed up at her house and dragged her out. Not like she was doing anything other than sitting in her dorm sulking. When I’d walked in, Mason had simply said ‘Oh dear god, please just take him’, so it must have been a fun few days.

“Well Audrey,” I said, walking toward the door and pushing it open. “You’re learning to be a girl, and you’re doing okay so far, but there are some experiences you just haven’t had. Today I’m going to introduce you to one of the oldest traditions we have.”

“What’s that?” She asked nervously as we stepped through the foyer.

“Girl’s night,” I replied.

“Heyyyy Audrey!” Lauren said as we passed into the living room.

“Hey!” Audrey smiled, starting to loosen up. I think I understood her problem; it was the same for me when I first joined the house. I always felt like I didn’t belong here when I walked in, like I was being huge bother, even though I lived here. Audrey wasn’t one of our sisters, but it must have been the same for her, maybe even worse.

“Come on, take your shoes off,” I said to her. “The go eat, I’ll come get you in a minute.”

Maybe I should explain what was going on here. Audrey was born male, very male, well, maybe not that male. She was transgender, a female born in a male body. Up until two weeks ago she’d lived her life as a male, one hundred percent, and to keep up appearances she still did, but we knew her secret. One night, Audrey, in desperation I guess, broke into our house and made her way upstairs to try on some of my clothes. I’d caught her, literally beaten the snot out of her, and tied her up. Yeah, I’m a badass. I thought maybe some life-ruining was in order, but stupid me, I had to go snooping around in her phone and I’d found the transgender forums she was visiting. So now we were helping her. I needed to learn to leave well enough alone.

“Tiffany,” I called out from across the room. She was standing in the kitchen staring off into space. “Hey!”

I walked over and snapped my fingers, she immediately directed her attention to me. Normally she would have been upset at me doing that, but right now she just sort of had this hollow look in her eyes.

“Did you sleep last night?” I asked. She shook her head. “That night before?”

“I’m fine,” She said.

“Right,” I nodded. She wasn’t doing fine. Ever since the other night when we’d helped Audrey come out to her girlfriend, she’d been in a horrible, depressive mood. I didn’t know how much more of it I could take. Yeah, Audrey had lost her girlfriend, but you know what? That just meant one more obstacle out of the way to her becoming her true self. I couldn’t help but remember my friend, Jayne, from what seemed like a lifetime ago. If she’d had fewer obstacles in her way, then maybe she wouldn’t have ended up the way she did. I shuddered at the imagery of how it had all ended, but immediately snapped back into the present. Tiffany was no longer paying attention to me; she was staring at her phone. I tapped my fingernails on the counter and turned away, looking at Audrey who was nibbling on her fries at the table.

“Come on girl!” I called out to her. “Eat that food, we’ve got stuff to do!”

“I’ve got wine!” Courtney announced as she walked through the front door holding two boxes of red wine. You know, the cheap bagged kind that we should have been super ashamed to be drinking.

“Oh awesome!” Isabella said cheerfully as she walked by the table, leaning down and embracing Audrey in a sort of half-hug as she went.
“Did anyone order pizza?” I called out.

“Aren’t you doing that?” Lauren called back from somewhere in the house.

“Audrey!” I shouted. “Are you done yet?”

“Yeah,” She said. I walked over. She’d eaten half the fries.

“Oh my god Audrey,” I rolled my eyes. “How are you even still alive? Get up, we’re going upstairs.”

“Listen to me,” I said to her as I guided her up the stairs with my hand in the small of her back. “I am not your mother, I shouldn’t have to tell you to eat. If you don’t eat, you get sick. I don’t know how you’re not sick already.”

She didn’t answer me, she just kept walking until we reached the bathroom and I guided her in. I pointed to the toilet and told her to take a seat as I grabbed some eyebrow waxing strips from the cabinet.

“This is probably going to hurt,” I told her.

“What is that?” She craned her neck to see.

“We’re fixing your eyebrows,” I said pointedly. “Those things look like caterpillars.”

“Wait, what are you doing?” She asked as I applied one of the strips expertly to her left eyebrow. I raised a finger and shushed her. Then I peeled it off as fast as I could. She screamed.

“What the hell?” She demanded, holding a hand up to her face. “What did you do?!”

“You…wax your body…don’t you?” I asked curiously.

“I don’t do it to my face!” She screamed. “Oh my god that hurt!”

“Is everything okay in here?” Allie, one of our sisters poked her head in.

“Oh, yeah,” I laughed. “Just teaching Audrey here that beauty is pain, and stuff.”

“Oh this is Audrey!” She practically squealed as she barreled into the bathroom. “Wow, I’ve heard like, everything about you!”

“Wow, I’ve heard…nothing about you,” Audrey said, trying to be funny but she just came across as super shy.

“Audrey there are dozens of members, they don’t even all live in the house. You’re not going to know about all of them.”

“Why would you not live at the house?” Audrey was actually curious, I guess.

“Some people like their privacy,” Allie smiled. “I live at the house though.”

“We’re getting bigger, though,” I said. “They’re talking about getting a bigger house for us next year.”

“Just remember to keep the back door locked,” Allie grinned, looking right at Audrey who blushed, remembering her foul-up a few weeks ago.

I looked Allie over, noting her sweat-drenched GAT shirt and leggings.

“You been jogging?” I asked. Allie was a bit of an exercise freak.

“Yeah, six miles today,” She said without any particular emotion. “Going to try to do better tomorrow.”

I nodded and pulled the next strip out of the box. I saw Audrey cringe from the corner of my eye; I suppressed a grin.

“Hey, don’t worry, it’ll be over soon!” Allie reassured her.

“Yeah, then we can move on to makeup,” I said. “You gotta look like a lady for ladies night.”

“She does look like a lady,” Allie complimented. “You see all this hair?”

“Yeah, I see it, total waste on a guy,” I said.

I reached under the counter and pulled out a black makeup bag, it was pretty much full to the brim, all full of things we’d put together for Audrey. It was actually all cheap makeup but we’d been able to work some magic with it, and we figured that she could buy her own someday. It didn’t matter anyway; she couldn’t tell cheap makeup from expensive makeup.

“It’s all in the contouring,” I told her as I brushed it onto her face. “Smoke and mirrors, just giving your face a different shape…”

“Oh let me at that hair!” Allie said, grabbing a flat iron from the counter. It took about half an hour and Audrey sat still through the entire thing. She was used to this by now. By the time we were done you couldn’t even tell that she was biologically male. She had a lot going for her genetically I guess, mostly the face shape. The long hair didn’t hurt either.

“Okay…” I said. “Outfits…you’ve been wearing dresses…a lot, but I think we should try you in some skirts. There’s just more variety.”

I walked over to the hamper where I’d laid out a black skirt and a green top with a criss-cross neckline.

“Time to get cute, my dear,” I smiled at her as she put on her bra with the silicone forms we’d gotten her, and finally, the rest of the outfit. “That looks adorable.”

“Really yummy actually,” I looked up and Allison was staring at her like a piece of meat.

“Holy crap, Allie,” I said. “She just got dumped, I don’t think she’s ready to date.”

“Who said anything about date?”

“Come on Audrey,” I said, taking her hand and guiding her out of the bathroom. “Let’s get downstairs.”

Allie followed us downstairs and I looked around.

“Did like, anyone order that pizza?” I asked again. No one answered. “Uh..Lauren? Isabella? Tiffany? Courtney? Tell me someone ordered a pizza.”

“Sorry, I got the wine,” Courtney said as she pointed to the boxed wine sitting over by Tiffany in the kitchen. Tiffany was still engrossed in her phone.

“I’ve got it,” Isabella said, taking the list off the counter and pulling out her phone.

“Audrey,” I said, turning my attention to her. “Come over here, let me get a few pictures of you.”

“What for?” She asked cautiously.

“For you to look at later, silly,” I laughed. I had her stand next to the stairs and take a few poses while I snapped some pictures. I immediately sent them to her phone.

“Okay, SO!” Lauren said, walking over and resting a hand on Audrey’s shoulder. “Girls’ night! It’s probably your first one, so basically we just sit around, drink wine, and gossip.”

“Well we did watch a movie last time,” I pointed out.

“Yeah but who cares about movies?” Lauren laughed. “I want to hear more about what Audrey’s been up to!”

She pulled Audrey over to the couch and was immediately joined by the other sisters in the room. Tiffany finally stepped out from behind the counter and stood behind the couch instead. She probably didn’t want to sit down and doze off; she despised sleeping in public spaces. I guess she didn’t want anyone to see what she looked like when she was asleep; had to keep up appearances I guess.

“So what have you been up to, Audrey?” Isabella asked, trying to sound casual. This wasn’t really a show of interest I don’t think. It was more about them trying to figure out if Audrey was actually okay after we’d wrecked her relationship. A few days ago, maybe more, we’d helped her come out to her girlfriend and it hadn’t gone well. The guilt was real, at least for them. To me it felt more like a step in the right direction.

“Well, I mean…just…playing games,” Audrey shrugged. She was mad at us. I could see it. She was concealing it really well, but you know what? It was there. Could anyone really blame her?

“Are you still stuck on that Pantheon thing?” I asked kind of smugly.

“Yeah,” Audrey smiled. “I play it with Mason a lot.”

“Okay!” Allison clapped her hands. “Let’s get the wine going, it’s WAY too dry in here!”

“Audrey,” I said, walking closer to her as she sat on the couch. “What do you plan to do from here?”

“What do you mean?” She looked up at me.

“I mean…are you going to transition?”

She stared at me blankly.

“Okay,” I said. “There are…a lot of steps to take, like hormone therapy and maybe even coming out?”

“I…I can’t do that,” She shook her head. “You know there’s still Mason…and my parents…”

I nodded. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t just put off her own happiness for other people but we’d pushed her enough already.

“Okay, Audrey,” I said. “But I want you to know that we’re here for you if you do decide to go forward. I mean, we do care about you, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes, okay?”

Lauren and Isabella nodded as Allie passed wine glasses around. Just as we were about to start drinking, the front door burst open, loudly, and Olivia rushed into the living room covered from head to toe in some kind of sticky black substance. I cringed; her outfit was ruined. Tiffany simply looked up from her phone uninterested, like she was expecting this.

“It’s Tri-Pi!” She spat. “They did it again!”

“Someone get Audrey a pair of sweats!” I shouted as I ran upstairs. Our war with Tri-Pi had apparently escalated for some reason. I rushed into our room and threw on a pair of gray GAT sweatpants and a tight blue GAT top with the sorority letters written across the chest. I loved these shirts, they really made my boobs perk up.

I ran back downstairs found everyone else dressed the same, including Audrey who looked very, very confused.

“Okay, we’re putting a lid on this once and for all,” I said, trying to be motivational. I wished some of the other sisters were here, but they were all out doing their weekend thing, whatever that was.

“What are we going to do?” Lauren asked. “We’re not ready to do anything!”

“You know that trophy they keep in their living room?” I said angrily. “The stupid cheerleading trophy?”

“You’re going to steal their trophy?” Tiffany said, staring at me. “That’s the plot of every sorority movie ever.”

“Yep,” I said. “They like to go on about how their house wins that competition every year, so let’s hit them where it hurts.”

“Wait,” Audrey protested. “I don’t want to break into a house.”

Everyone in the room stopped and stared at her.

“It’s not funny,” She said, almost pouting.

The commotion in the room resumed as we planned. Allie threw down the blueprints for the TRI PI house onto the coffee able, which were of course public record.

“Okay, so they have one of those old fashioned cellars,” She said, pointing to a spot on the blueprint. “We can cut through the padlock and get in that way. They won’t see us coming. We can get to the living room through the kitchen, it’ll be easy.”

“Okay, what if any of them are up there?” Lauren asked. “If they see us it’s pretty much over.”

“Literally just rush it,” I said. “They can’t stop all of us. I mean some of us will probably die but…sacrifices must be made…for GAT. Besides, they’re supposed to be at a party tonight, over at DEM.”

“I’m not dying for GAT,” Audrey said.

“Well then live and see what they do to you,” I shrugged. “Okay, let’s go!”

We rushed out the backdoor in a very loose formation and climbed into the GAT van, which we hadn’t even used in like a month. Normally it was for grocery runs, but tonight it was perfect for all of us.

“Get in, get it!” I hissed at them as we piled in and I jumped into the driver’s seat. I suddenly realized we’d left Olivia behind, but it was probably for the best; she’d have to clean herself up anyway. I threw the van into gear and sped around the corner, leaving the GAT house quickly, and barreling toward the TRI PI house which was exactly two streets over. I parked at the end of the street, far enough away from their house, as the van had the ΓΑΤ letters painted in blue on the side. That would kind of be a dead giveaway.

“Okay,” I said as we pulled up, trying to be as motivational as possible. “Someone grab the bolt cutters, we’ll cut through a few backyards so they don’t see us.”

Somehow we managed to stay coordinated enough to rush through a series of backyards with Courtney tripping over a piece of playground equipment once and landing face first in a child’s sandbox.

“Come on!” Tiffany hissed quietly as she grabbed her by the arm and lifted her up. They stumbled with the rest of us, hopping over a white picket fence and finally we found ourselves standing behind the TRI PI house. I seriously hated their house; it was a mansion compared to ours. I should probably mention that they had this pink and white theme going on. It irritated me so much that last year I’d stolen the letters from their house; I guess they were still mad about that.

“Alright, let’s go!” I said as quietly as possible while still being loud enough for them to hear me. We barreled over the fence and ran across the yard as quickly as possible. We were like soldiers in formation, running across a huge battlefield to defeat the enemy. We were badass. We were GAT; the toughest sorority on campus. Seriously, it was a reputation that we had earned.

Isabella rushed forward with the bolt cutters, I hissed at her to be careful before she stabbed herself or someone else. She shot me a dirty look and went to work on the padlock. She struggled for a moment and then stopped, gasping.

“Give me that,” Courtney said, stepping forward and wresting the cutter from Isabella’s grasp. She had a little more muscle on her but it still took her about half a minute to cut through the padlock. It finally gave way with Courtney exhaling loudly as I threw the lock aside. Courtney and I carefully and quietly pulled the doors aside revealing a set of old concrete stairs leading down to a dark cellar. I held my hand up and someone immediately handed me a flashlight. I flicked it on and went first; I was the president, after all. They would follow me into hell but only if I actually led.

The light barely penetrated the darkness below and as we piled in, I immediately noticed that this was a huge open space that clearly ran under at least half the house. Was there anything even down here? I squinted at the beam as I swung it around, trying to locate the stairs that had been present on the blueprint. I couldn’t see anything.

“Can anyone see the stairs?” I hissed as a few other flashlights popped on. They were looking too.

“What the hell?” I heard Tiffany whisper. “They were on the blueprint!”

Before I could say anything else, we heard the cellar door slam behind us, hard, and the sound of a padlock click could be heard. Almost immediately we were bathed in white, hot light as a series of spotlights clicked on. We’d been had.

“Well well,” A familiar voice said. It was Sakiya. The TRI PI president. I hated her, she was about my height but she had this gorgeous blonde hair and this awesome body which I’m sure she didn’t even have to work for. “Look what the cat dragged in!”

As she spoke I noticed that we were surrounded on all sides by TRI PI’s holding what looked like paintball guns.

“What…is this?” I said kind of nervously but maintaining eye contact with Sakiya.

“You remember that black goo we sent your friend home in?” Sakiya batted her eyelashes. “It’s something our friends at Omega cooked up, and our guns are full of them. Don’t worry, they’re harmless, and free of animal products, but you don’t want them on you, TRUST me.”

I looked around nervously at the group surrounding us.

“You wouldn’t dare,” I said. “We would get you back and you know it.”

“Maybe,” Sakiya shrugged. “But it makes us happy for now.”

“Um what are we going to do?” Audrey asked. She was standing beside me. I glanced to her.

“Just hold on,” I said.

Sakiya looked at Audrey and studied her hard for a second before returning her attention to me.

“I tell you what,” She said with a sadistic grin. “We’ll give you a head start. We’ll open the cellar doors, maybe give you…five seconds. How does that sound?”

“Seriously,” I said. “You aren’t going to do this.”

“Do you really want to be around to find out?” Sakiya asked.

As she finished talking, I heard the sound of at least a dozen charging handles being pulled back. Their paintball guns were trained on us.
“Aaaaaand go!” Sakiya shouted as if she were doing one of her cheers. The cellar doors burst open.

“Run!” I shouted. “Just run!”

I didn’t have to tell them twice, they were hurdling toward the stairs at breakneck speeds, a few of us fell over. I watched Tiffany climb over Lauren and make her way up the stairs, and seconds later I emerged behind them.

“Go!” Tiffany screamed. Suddenly we heard popping sounds from all sides. TRI PI’s emerged from the bushes and began firing on us. I ducked and slid across the grass in my sneakers, now grass stained as I tried to find cover. The pellets were whizzing past us, one slammed into my arm. It stung, but I was more horrified with the black liquid splattered all over my sleeve.

“Oh my god!” I screamed as one smashed into the side of my head. I watched a spot of black explode on Isabella as she screeched and held her hands up over her head.

“Come on little GAT’s!” I suddenly heard Sakiya’s voice blare from above. I turned and looked up; she was standing on the third floor balcony with a megaphone. “Why don’t you dance a little bit and show us that school spirit!”

As she spoke, the pellets began to explode at our feet.

“Why are you doing this?!” Courtney screamed as she literally began dancing to avoid the pellets.

“Don’t ask questions just keep RUNNING!” I screamed.

“Come on, you can do better than that!” Sakiya patronized from her balcony.

“Is this a thing?!” I shouted as we shot toward the white picket fence. “Is this a thing that’s happening to us?!”

We made it across the fence with Allie falling on her face as soon as she cleared it. I helped her up and dragged her along as if she were a wounded soldier while the TRI PI’s continued to pelt us from behind. Eventually we were beyond their reach and heading back the way we’d come. We accomplished nothing and I felt completely defeated as we piled into the van. I looked at myself in the mirror; my hair was matted with the black goo and the rest of us didn’t look much better. I slammed my fist on the steering wheel and screamed like a mad woman.
“Calm down,” Tiffany said. “Let’s just go home.”

Fuming, I drove the GAT van back to the house and pulled into the designated parking space. As soon as I turned the key, I heard my phone ringing. I frowned and pulled it out; a number I didn’t recognize.

“Hello?” I said as I answered.

“Hey bitch,” I heard Sakiya’s voice on the other end.

“Oh my god,” I replied. “Haven’t you had enough fun for one night?”

“Not quite!” Sakiya said cheerfully. “Nice try tonight, but now it’s our turn. If you want your pledge back you’re going to give us the letters you stole last year.”

I frowned and turned around in my seat to see all of the girls staring intently at me.

“Pledge?” I said. “We didn’t bring a pl—”

I suddenly developed a lump in my throat as I looked through the van. Audrey wasn’t there.

“I’m not giving the letters back,” I said adamantly to Tiffany as I finished scrubbing my hair out. It had only taken a few hours but oh my god it had sucked.

“So you’re just going to leave her there?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow.

“They’re not going to actually keep here there,” I was confident that she’d come back the next day.

“Um yes, they will,” Tiffany said. “It’s TRI PI.”

“I’m not giving the letters back, and that’s final,” I began to brush my hair out and dry it. It was such a long process.

“Okay you know what?” Tiffany said. “She’s safe for now. So what about your other problem?”

“What other problem?”

“You know what other problem,” Tiffany scolded. She was talking about my past-due tuition fees. I hated talking about that. What was I supposed to do about it anyway?

“It’s crap,” I said. “I’ve been paying out of pocket for four years. So what if I was a little late this year?”

“Do you have the money?” Tiffany looked at me quizzically.

“Of course I don’t have the money,” I said. “If I had the money I would have paid by now.”

I’d tried to pay at the beginning of the semester but somehow my account had become overdrawn; it went through initially but it bounced back pretty quickly. I was skating on thin ice as it was. I figured I had maybe another week before it became a serious problem.

“What about your parents?” Tiffany asked. I shook my head.

“They wouldn’t help me out because I didn’t become a doctor like they wanted. They told me I’m on my own.”

“Well admittedly, doctor sounds a lot more exciting than business administration,” Tiffany chuckled a little. “So what are you going to do?”

“I shrugged,” I have no idea. “But we have other things to worry about. We’ve got a community service project coming up, we can pick out of three…I’m thinking we do the preschool again.”

“Kids again?” Tiffany groaned.

“Well it’s that or the nursing home, or pick up trash. The photo op is better with the kids anyway, or at least it makes us look better.”

“That’s true,” Tiffany said. “I’m counting the theater thing as an extracurricular.”

“What time is it?” I said looking around for my phone. It wasn’t here.

“9:15,” Tiffany said. “What are you thinking?”

“Line up the pledges,” I said. “They’re getting too comfortable.”

“Audrey’s missing and you’re going to just haze the pledges like nothing’s happening?”

“Yeah,” I nodded and walked out of the bathroom.

I walked downstairs and found my phone on one of the endtables. A group text had been sent out by Tiffany ordering the pledges to line up in front of the house in ten minutes wearing white and to bring nothing. Worked for me. I took a seat on the couch and pulled out a binder, flipping through the list of pledges.

“Hey Allie,” I called to her in the kitchen. She turned around and looked at me. “It says Hailey weighed 187 as of last check, she can probably get that down to 150, right?”

“Um, are you serious?” Isabella said as she walked down the stairs. “You can’t just control people’s weight, I mean…what the hell?”
She was actually getting angry, I didn’t care.

“If they want to be in Gamma they have to look good,” I stated. “You know that.”

“Um, you didn’t do that to me when I was pledging!” Isabella crossed her arms and looked at me sternly.

“Didn’t have to,” I told her. “You could blow away if a strong wind came through and you know it.”

“You’re actually disgusting,” Isabella told me.

“You need to be careful how you talk to her,” Allie said, stepping out from behind the kitchen island. “That’s your chapter president.”

“I don’t really care who you are,” She said to me. “This is disgusting. You’re disgusting. You can’t just body shame people like that.”

“Grow up,” I sighed. “You joined a sorority, not a preschool class.”

“Fine,” Isabella spat. “But you know what? It’s going to come back to bite you someday, and That’s going to be absolutely hilarious.”

“Until then,” I said, waving her off. “About Hailey?"

“We could put her on a diet,” Allie suggested. “All protein, salad, no dressing, maybe make her exercise…a lot?”

“Good start, good start,” I nodded, making notes on a separate piece of paper. “We’ll have her start sending pictures of her meals. Okay, what about…Liz…I don’t like the way she talks.”

“That’s an Appalachian accent,” Allie explained “She’s from Virginia.”

“I don’t like it,” I said. I glanced up and peered through the front window. The pledges were lined up. I looked back down at the binder. They could wait. “We’re going to fix that.”

“Why did we give some of these girls bids if-“

“Because we get TRI PI’s leftovers, Allie,” I rolled my eyes. “Sure, they’re not great, but we’ll whip them into shape.”

“You’re never going to get anywhere if you keep competing with TRI PI,” Isabella said condescendingly. “We have to be different.

“How can we not compete with them?” I said, standing up and closing the binder. “They literally stole our…Audrey.”

“You stole their letters,” Isabella pointed out. “Fair is fair I guess?”

“I…am not sure a human being equates to a set of cedar letters,” Isabella raised an eyebrow.

“You know what,” I said, walking toward the door. “I’m officially done with this conversation. TIFFANY GET DOWN HERE!”

“Don’t call me like I’m your dog,” Tiffany said as she strutted down the stairs. I don’t know how she’d pulled it off, but she was completely clean, hair perfect, and made up like a Victoria’s Secret model.

“Heel, girl,” I said as I pulled the door open and strode out onto the porch. Standing next to Tiffany I looked completely underdressed wearing the Woodcrest sweats and sweater.

“Good evening, pledges!” I shouted. “I hope we didn’t interrupt your nightly activities?”

I stood there in silence, expecting a response but got none.

“I SAID, I hope I didn’t interrupt your evening?!” I repeated, this time putting more emphasis on the sentence. They looked at eachother nervously.
“No Miss Aleah!” They shouted somewhat in unison.
“Well that’s good!” I snapped, looking over the lineup. All twenty of our pledges were here. I paused for a moment, something was wrong. Oh, wait, Audrey wasn’t here, duh. “I would feel terrible if I interrupted a hot date, or homework, or something equally stupid. I didn’t do that, did I?”

“No Miss Aleah!” They shouted again, this time looking a little more nervous.

“Great!” I said. “Now you’re all going to head over to the practice field! Be there in half an hour, or there WILL be consequences!”

“Yes Miss Aleah!” They responded, all running off in the direction of campus. Perfect.

“What’s next? You going to make them run back here?” Tiffany asked, rolling her eyes. “Whatever you’re going to do, you probably could have done in the yard.”

“Yeah but I don’t want to ruin our yard,” I shrugged.

“Oh wow,” Tiffany said with mock appalment. “Do I even want to know?”

“Just get to the van,” I said. “Before they get to the field.”

Leaving Lauren and Isabella behind, Allie, Tiffany, Courtney, and I rushed to the van and piled in. I immediately noticed the smell as I buckled my seatbelt and threw the vehicle into gear.

“Oh my god that stuff STINKS!” I exclaimed, gagging and holding my nose.

“I’m going to KILL those Omegas!” Tiffany growled from the passenger seat.

“So what are we doing?” Allie asked, leaning forward between the seats.

“Greek alphabet,” I said, handing her my binder. “You guys are brushed up, right?”

“Kinda hard not to be in Gamma,” Courtney laughed.

“True,” I pushed on the accelerator and took a hard right, taking us the back way into the practice field. I didn’t even bother parking properly; no one else was here. I just stopped in the middle of the gravel parking lot and jumped out, breaking into a full run toward the field. Normally we were more organized for these things, but I’d done this on a whim, and it was obvious. Maybe I was angry and taking it out on the pledges. Oh well, it would toughen them up a little.

We somehow managed to make it to the field before any of them showed up and the Allie started by grabbing the nearby water hose. She knew what to do.

“Here they come,” Tiffany said, tilting her head to indicate the far left side of the field. They rushed in, streaking across the gravel looking absolutely exhausted.

“Line up!” I shouted. “Come on, hurry up, on the field!”

They were clumsy. Really clumsy. Liz ran right into Hailey and literally bounced off of her, falling butt-first into the grass. I rolled my eyes.
“Come on!” Courtney stepped forward, clapping her hands. “Is this what we have to work with? Are you Gamma Omicron Epsilon material or not?!”

They finally managed to line up, I had no idea how they pulled it off. They were such a mess.

“Alright ladies!” I shouted, stepping forward. “You’ve all opted into Greek life, so you should know the Greek alphabet, am I right?”
They looked at eachother nervously. None of them knew the Greek alphabet.

“We’ll start at the beginning,” I said with a slight smile. “Everyone down, on the ground, face down, get ready to crawl!”

They all gave eachother nervous glances again, none of them moving.

“I didn’t stutter!” I shouted. They immediately hit the dirt, some a little more cautiously than others. “Okay, repeat after me, everytime you say a letter, you can crawl forward: Alpha!”

“Alpha!” They repeated.

I nodded to Allie who nodded back and let loose with the hose, immediately soaking all of our pledges. I heard a few screams. I didn’t care.

“Beta!” I shouted. They repeated it back and moved forward a pace. At this point the dirt was wet, turning into mud. I could hear groans, and I think at least one person was sobbing.

“Come on!” Tiffany shouted. “Let’s see that Gamma spirit! Show us some actual resolve!”

“So uh, question,” Courtney said, stepping closer to me.

“Shoot,” I said as I let Tiffany take over.

“You just like…left Audrey behind with the TRI PI’s, you really think that's okay?”

“Probably,” I shrugged.

“What if they figure out she’s trans?”

“Unless they’re blind they’ve already figure it out,” I watched the pledges. They were slow.

“Won’t they like…tell everyone?” Courtney asked, I could hear a little bit of concern in her voice.

“Probably not,” I concluded. “There are like a million LGBT students on campus, she’s just another one.”

“Good point,” Courtney said, walking away and returning to the lineup.

“Hey,” Tiffany said, walking over to me. Courtney took over directing the pledges. “You know, if you need the money I can help you out. I might not be the nicest person in the world but we’re still sisters. We look out for eachother.”

I looked at her.

“You know I don’t like to ask for help,” I said stubbornly.

“Yeah I know,” She shrugged and nodded. “But the offer is there, if you want it.”

“I appreciate that but I think I can handle it,” I walked forward, back toward the pledges. “Come on Hailey! You need to lay off the cheesecake!”

“You know what I could do,” She said, staring off at the field. “I could get you a job.”

“What, working for Shawn’s dad?” I snorted. “No thanks.”

“He’s not a bad guy, Aleah,” She insisted. “It’s not like you’d be doing anything illegal. I think he has a secretary position open.”

“You want me to work for the biggest crime boss in Woodcrest,” I raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew that Michael Derringer was loaded but his business practices weren’t exactly the most ethical. Yeah working for him might get me tuition money but it might also get me a jail sentence.

“It’s either that,” She said. “Or go back to Ohio and…what could you do there again? Work at a gas station? Flip burgers?”

I rolled my eyes, but secretly I was really considering it. I couldn’t imagine going back to Dayton and working some mediocre minimum wage job. It might sound a little conceited but I really thought I was better than that. Seriously, I was in my senior year as a business administration major. I wanted to work for a Fortune 500 company and live in a high-rise apartment. I wanted to eat caviar and drink three-hundred dollar glasses of Moscato. All of that was at stake right now because of a stupid money issue. I sighed.

“Get them up,” I said. “I’ve had enough.”

“I’m afraid there’s really nothing we can do for you,” Sherry, the financial aid officer told me, closing my folder and pushing it back across her desk toward me. “The best I can do is give you until the end of this week to come up with the money.”

“It’s a lot of money,” I said, quietly protesting.

“Well college is expensive,” Sherry said. “And this is only a fraction of your actual tuition; your financial aid helped out quite a bit.”

“And yet it couldn’t cover the last $800,” I said, staring at her and rolling my eyes. “Look, I’m the president of Gamma, isn’t there like, an exception or something?”

“Aleah,” She said, folding her hands on the desk and making direct eye contact. “I’ve heard plenty of rumors about how GAT is run, and honestly, they’d probably be better off without you.”

“Wow,” I said, raising my hands up. “Wow, that’s just…I don’t know where you’re getting your information from but you’re totally off-base.”

At least there was nothing she could prove. I would say that our level of Greek tradition wasn’t on par with TRI PI but that doesn’t really mean anything; at least we were representing ourselves well and doing our community service. Not to mention we looked pretty damned good while we were doing it.

“Regardless,” Sherry said, handing me a printout of my tuition bill. “You owe us eight-hundred dollars by the end of the week or we’ll be forced to suspend your enrollment here until you can pay.”

“You’ve got to be kidding, I mean you’ve really got to be kidding.”

“I’ve never been more serious in my life, Aleah,” She said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have another student waiting on me.”

I would like to say I walked out of the office calmly but the truth is I sort of stormed out. The four people waiting outside looked up from their phones to stare at me as I slammed the door and made a beeline for the exit. I hated the administration building. Well, I hated it even more now. I tore through the reception area and was just about to walk through the glass double doors when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Whoever was touching me was about to die, I didn’t care who it was. I spun around and started to say something about messing with me on the wrong day, but stopped short. It was Mason, Audrey’s roommate. Mason had absolutely no idea that his roommate ‘Todd’ was actually a girl named Audrey. We’d kept it pretty quiet; honestly, though GAT was bad at a lot of things, it never struggled to keep secrets and it always kept gossip to a minimum. That was our strength and one that TRI PI didn’t share. The problem was that I didn’t know how much longer it would stay a secret. Eventually Audrey would just pop, Mason would find out on his own, or TRI PI would slip up. On that subject, I wondered what TRI PI was actually doing with Audrey. She hadn’t come back to the house, hadn’t contacted any of us, so she had to still be there.

“Hey,” Mason said, ignoring my near outburst. “Have you see Todd?”

“Todd?” I struggle to think of something to say that didn’t sound like complete crap.

“Um yeah, my roommate? Todd? He hangs out with you guys all the time, you can and got him last night and he hasn’t come back.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I said. “Sorry about that. One of our sisters had to go out of town and he…went with her. I’m sure they’ll be back in a few days.”

“He’s just going to miss class for a few days?” Mason stared at me. “And why isn’t he answering his phone?”

Because her phone was sitting on the coffee table at our house.

“Yeah, I really don’t know,” I tried to brush it off. “But I can try to get ahold of my sister if you want?”

“Yeah, do that,” Mason said. “Let me know what you hear. If he isn’t back by tomorrow I’m calling campus police.”

“Don’t jump the gun,” I said defensively. “They’re just on a little road trip.”

“Todd wouldn’t leave without telling me,” He said.

“Look,” I said, putting my hand on Mason’s shoulder. “I know you’re both Freshmen, and I’m sure that you two have been pretty much inseparable for god knows how long, but the fact is you’re both at college now. You’re adults. People don’t always tell eachother where they’re going. I don’t know where my best friend, Tiffany is half the time. Sorry Mason, you just need to grow up, and for god sake, don’t call the police ever time Todd goes out to dinner or something. It’s rude.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” He said. “You’re right but I’m just worried about him.”

I stepped away from the door a little to allow others to pass through. This was going to take a minute.

“What…exactly are you worried about?” I asked, feigning concern as best I could.

“Well he’s been…different. Like I told Tiffany, he’s not interested in playing Pantheon much anymore and he’s quiet. Really quiet. Quieter than normal. It’s like he has his mind on something else.

I’m sure he did.

“Alright, Mason,” I sighed. “I’m going to level with you, alright?”

“Please do,” Mason said.

“The truth is that there IS something going on. It’s pretty life changing, but he doesn’t want to talk about it yet. It’s not my place to tell you either.”

“I don’t get it,” He was starting to get angry. “I’m his best friend, but he can’t come to me? But he can go to a bunch of sorority girls that he didn’t know until a few weeks ago?”

“Okay, Mason,” I said. “Picture people like…tools. You pick the right tool for the job. For this job you weren’t the right tool. Do you think a hammer gets upset when it can’t be used to paint a house?”

“So you’re telling me I’m a hammer?”

“I’m telling you that you need to be patient. Todd is your best friend, he’ll tell you what’s going on eventually.”

Maybe we could do it over pot roast.

“Okay,” Mason resigned. “I’m going to trust you, for now, but I can’t hold out forever. I need to know what’s going on with my friend.”

“If you’re really his friend then you’ll let him work it out for himself. It’s what he needs right now.”

Well, what she probably needed right now was a swat team to break her out of the TRI PI house.

“Fine,” Mason said. “Let me give you my number though, I want to keep in touch.”

I nodded and exchanged numbers with him, then he was gone. He was getting way too curious. How much longer could we really keep Audrey’s little secret? I heard my phone beep and looked down, it was the calendar. Officer meeting today, great.

I left the admin building and drove right back to the house. Everyone was already there. Courtney, Allie, Isabella, Amanda, Lauren, and Rebecca, all seated at the table in the conference room and waiting for me. Well, at least they were on the ball. I walked into the room and dropped my purse on the floor as I sat down.

“Where’s Shauna?” I asked, looking at the group. This was great, I had no VP because no one wanted to step up and now my external VP was gone?

“Kidnapped by TRI PI too, probably,” Lauren shrugged.

“You are so very funny,” I rolled my eyes.

“I like to think so,” Lauren nodded in agreement.

I opened a folder that had been left for me and thumbed through the agenda.

“Our council looks like swiss cheese,” I said, referring to the vacant positions. It wasn’t that we hadn’t tried to take care of it, it was more like we’d had a slew of resignations and no one wanted to step up. “I bet TRI PI is on top of their stuff…”

“Do you want to go join TRI PI?” Courtney suggested? Giggles all around.

“Ha ha,” I said flatly. “Okay first item on the agenda is the upcoming mixer with DEM-“

“We need to talk about Audrey,” Lauren interjected.

“I need suggestions on a theme, something different from last year-“

“What about abducted transgender women?” Isabella asked. “Is that a theme?”

“Last year we did the ‘under the sea theme’ so I was thinking-“

“Wait,” Allie said. “What about ‘pranks gone wrong’? That could be a theme.”

I slammed my folder down on the table.

“Skipping THAT for now,” I said angrily. “Okay, Rebecca, let’s talk about the health and safety concerns. We had a patch of mold removed from the living room last month, is that situation –“

“I’m more worried about the health and safety of the people you leave behind during poorly planned pranks,” Rebecca looked at me with a smirk. I hated that bitch.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” I said looking at them. They were all staring at me; I felt like a deer in headlights. “It’s really sad what happened to Audrey. I like Audrey, a lot. She’s cool, but at the end of the day we’re a sorority, not a daycare. It’s not like they took one of our sisters and are holding them in their basement, alright? Audrey will be fine.”

“She will be fine,” Amanda spoke up. “Because you’re going to give them back their letters.”

I glared at them. We had actual business to discuss and they were stuck on this.

“Audrey doesn’t have to dominate every conversation we have,” I said. “We are a sorority, we have business to attend to. That is what sororities do, so let’s—”

“She kinda does,” Lauren said accusingly. “You know how you were worried we would get a bad reputation for almost letting her get killed? How do you think our reputation is going to hold up when people find out you left her behind like that?”

I think my blood was actually boiling.

“You know,” I said. “TRI PI is having their officer meeting today too. They’re probably over there talking about things that affect them, like their community service, health and safety issues. I mean we have to meet with the student advisory board next week, does anyone want to talk about that? Oh, and get this, three sisters haven’t paid their dues and we’re already full three weeks into the year.”

I looked around the table. None of them were that interested in what I had to say. Let’s be honest, neither was I. I had way too much on my mind to really hash out all of the issues on the agenda. I closed the folder.

“Okay fine,” I took a breath and laid my palms on the table. “You want to talk about Audrey? Let’s talk about Audrey. Audrey is a grown wo-“

“Audrey is learning to be a woman,” Lauren interrupted me. “Would you have left her there if she were your little sister?”

“I don’t have a little sister,” I pointed out.

“Hate to say it, but she’s right,” I guess Allie was against me too. You know, normally I would be all about getting Audrey out of danger but first of all, she wasn’t in danger. Secondly, giving the letters back to TRI PI would be admitting defeat and I wasn’t about to do that. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t let her go eventually anyway.

“How about this,” Lauren said. “We put it to a vote.”

The others nodded in agreement. This was ridiculous; Audrey wasn’t going to be hurt by TRI PI; she was absolutely fine.

“Alright,” I conceded. “You know what? We’ll put it to a vote. All in favor of giving in to TRI PI and potentially destroying our reputation, raise your hand.”

Everyone at the table but me raised their hand. I fumed.

“Fine,” I said, opening the folder again. “Now, moving on. Let’s talk about the semi-formal coming up next week.”

I hovered my mouse over the ‘call’ button for a good minute before I finally closed my eyes, sighed, and worked up the nerve to click. It took a second for my laptop to register what I’d done but soon enough the familiar ringtone broke through and I could see the word ‘connecting’ on the screen. I waited for ten, twenty seconds thinking they weren’t going to pick up. I think I was hoping they weren’t going to pick up; my parents were never pleasant to talk to and even less so since I’d unexpectedly changed my major.

The ringtone stopped and my father’s face appeared on the screen. I gulped but made sure not to betray too much emotion.

“Aleah,” He said pleasantly. “I didn’t expect to hear from you this week.”

“Sorry I’ve been so busy lately,” I patronized him a bit. “I have a lot of responsibilities over here.”

He nodded and sort of smiled.

“Being the president of a sorority chapter is a huge responsibility,” He acknowledged. “It looks good on a resume though.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Speaking of which, I was wondering if I could get some help from you, I’m a little-“

He cut me off with a raise of his hand.

“Aleah we’ve been over this,” He said. “You went off on your own when you decided to change your major. I had everything set up for you; a college fund, a clear path through Harvard. Everything was there for you and you walked away for…good god Aleah, business administration.”

“Look, I’m sorry,” I said. “I like it, I really like it, I just need you to support me.”

“And Woodcrest?” He scoffed. “Of all the places you could have gone you chosen, Woodcrest?”

“Okay look,” I said defensively. “I know it’s not an Ivy League school like Brown or Harvard but it’s not like a degree from here is useless. Plus I’ve made a lot of good friends here. Dad, I’m actually enjoying my life for once.”

“College isn’t about enjoying life, Aleah,” He told me. “It’s about setting yourself up for success so you can enjoy the rest of your life and do something that you can be proud of – something that makes your family proud. Think about that.”

“So you’re not going to help me?” I should have been angrier but this is exactly what I’d expected.

“You know how I feel about it,” He said adamantly.

“And you know I’ve told you how many great opportunities there are in business admin,” I said. “I could work in a Fortune 500 company—”
“But you’re not going to!” He slammed his hand down on the desk. “We both know why you’re doing this and it’s ridiculous!”

I sighed. He was right. Not about it being ridiculous of course; I would never agree with him on that. On my motives though, he was right.
“There’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing,” I said angrily. “What’s wrong with wanting to work for a non-profit?”

“You have a bleeding heart and you need to put a band-aid on it, that’s what’s wrong. You aren’t going to get anywhere, you’re not going to be anybody if you just spend your time handing your labor out for free.”

“It’s not always about a paycheck, Dad,” I fumed.

“You’re still upset about you friend, Jake,” He asserted. “It wasn’t your fault. His parents did all they could—”

“Her name was Jayne!” I said firmly and full of anger, slamming the laptop shut.

I stood from my desk and grabbed my phone. Quickly and pretty angrily, I dialed Sakiya’s number. She picked up on the first ring.
“Well well, hello there little Gamma,” She said smugly. “What brings you to my phone this lovely afternoon?”

“Tonight,” I said. “8 PM. We’ll bring the letters you bring our pledge.”

“Well it sounds like someone finally came to their senses,” Sakiya gloated. “Meet us by the practice field.”

“Done,” I said, hanging up on her. The practice field, that was rich. The same spot I’d just hazed our pledges, I was practically going to be hazed myself. I really needed to get my life under control; this was getting out of hand.

“Tiffany!” I shouted as I exited the room. “We’re going to the storage unit!”

“Finally!” She called back.

I grabbed my purse and walked downstairs; she was perfectly make up, as always. I tried to remember if I’d ever seen her at her worst.

“My car or the van?” She asked as she followed me to the door.

“Van, obviously,” I said matter of factly.

“Hey wait, I’m coming too!” Isabella called after us as she followed. Whatever, she could lift the letters into the van. Not that they were heavy.

“You’re really doing this?” Tiffany asked quizzically as we climbed into the van and pulled out of the driveway.

“I’m really doing this,” I confirmed, keeping my eyes on the road.

“What made you change your mind?” Isabella leaned forward and perched herself in between the two front seats.

“As much as I like having the letters and TRI PI’s pride shoved in a storage unit,” I said. “Audrey is still a human being and she trusts us.”

“You’re still feeling guilty about Jayne,” Tiffany stated.

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I’m still feeling guilty about Jayne.”

“Is anyone ever going to fill me in on the Jayne thing?” Isabella asked.

“It’s um…” I started. Tiffany was staring at me from the passenger seat. I was seriously on the spot here. “Just…another trans girl I knew, when I was in high school. Well I mean I grew up with her. I knew her since…middle school. Before she knew she was a she. Okay she said she always knew she was a she, but before she told me…”

“What happened to her?” Isabella asked. I didn’t want to answer that. I can’t describe how much I didn’t want to answer that. I concentrated on the road ahead, paying attention to the upcoming traffic lights and watching how they reflected against the wet road. I gave my windshield a single wipe, getting rid of the light water buildup. It wasn’t quite raining; more of a light sprinkle. We rode in silence; Isabella didn’t push the issue.

I flipped my turn signal on and took a left into the storage unit; the house paid for it, it was where we kept all of our excess crap. Extra pledge shirts, tables and chairs for events, you name it. Stopping at the gate, I rolled down my window and typed in our code at the keypad. The gate rumbled open and allowed us entry. After a bit of driving we finally pulled up to unit 186.

“Here we are,” I said.

“I can’t believe you put them in the house storage unit,” Tiffany shook her head.

“Last place anyone would look,” I said with a slight shrug.

“Yeah,” Tiffany said. “Because we’d get our asses handed to us if anyone found them.”

“Then it’s a good thing no one ever comes here besides us,” I said sarcastically as I opened my door and climbed down onto the blacktop. The sprinkling had stopped but the air was still heavy with moisture; this was going to wreak havoc on my hair.

“You have the key, right?” Tiffany asked just as we stood at the storage unit door.

“Oh crap,” I said, patting the sides of my pants.

“Aleah, your hands don’t have pockets,” Tiffany crossed her arms.

I chuckled a bit and reached into my purse, pulling out the key. It was a silver padlock key attached to a huge GAT keychain. It was really tacky, but hey.

Tiffany held the padlock up for me, I turned the key and she pulled it off.

“After you,” She said, waving her hand toward the door.

“Hey, I turned the key,” I argued.

“And I took the lock off,” She shrugged. We both turned to look at Isabella standing behind us.

“Seriously?” She said. “You can’t just open the door?”

“I could, but you know what?” I said. “We’re sisters, we work together.”

“You opened a lock and I have to lift a heavy door. That’s what you call working together?”

“Okay,” Tiffany smirked. “If it makes you happy we’ll all lift together on three.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Isabella rolled her eyes as she walked between us and gripped the handle on the bottom of the door, pulling it open.

“Where are they?” Tiffany asked me, walking in and flipping the light switch. The unit was bathed in a yellow light, plastic totes with the GAT letters written on the sides appearing before our eyes. It was one of the larger units so we had plenty of room to walk around. I could see the letters; I’d placed them against the wall in the back and covered them with a tarp. At the very least they weren’t going to be water damaged.

“Okay, help me get these,” I said to Tiffany as we made our way toward the back. Just as we reached them, I heard a rumbling behind me. I turned just in time to see Isabella slamming the door shut behind her. Tiffany and I stared at her.

“Here’s the deal,” Isabella said. “You’re going to tell me about Jayne or we’re going to be here all night.”

“Bitch, I can just throw you out of the way and open the door,” Tiffany started moving toward her, but I put a hand on her shoulder.
“Why does it matter?” I asked curiously.

“It matters because Jayne, whoever she was, seems to be your entire motivation for helping Audrey. Badly, I might add.”

“We’re not that bad at it,” Tiffany growled. “She’s not in jail, right?”

“No but I think she might have some serious trauma,” Isabella argued. “I mean unless that was your intent.”

“Oh come on,” I huffed. “Name one thing we did wrong with her.”

“You…need me to reiterate the current situation?” Isabella raised an eyebrow. “You two are supposed to be people that she trusts and you literally left her in the hands of TRI PI. Like, oh my god, seriously?”

“TRI PI isn’t going to hurt her,” I said defensively.

“Do you think her secret will be safe? Do you think she’s going to trust you again?”

I shrugged to both.

“Listen to me,” I said. “If I thought TRI PI was going to hurt her physically or emotionally I would have broken down their door THAT night. I know what can happen.”

“Why do you know?” Isabella crossed her arms and glared at me. “I really need you to help me out here because this is really concerning. Tell me about Jayne.”

“I can take her,” Tiffany said to me. “You don’t have to tell her anything.”

“Wait,” I said raising my hands in frustration. “We’re all sisters here. No one is going to ‘take’ anyone. I’ll tell you about Jayne.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Tiffany stared at me.

“Isabella is just as invested in Audrey as I am. She deserves to know where I’m coming from.”

“It’s your show, then,” Tiffany said as she took a seat on a stack of boxes.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; I could feel Isabella staring daggers into my soul from the front of the storage unit. I finally opened them again, she was still staring at me. Tiffany regarded me softly; she knew this was more than a touchy subject for me.

“Her name…when she was a guy…was Jake. That’s how I knew her at first. You know, back in the old days. We started dating around eight grade. I didn’t know he was a she. I wish I did, because you know, then I could have done something,” I paused and swallowed, thinking as the wind outside pounded the door of the storage unit briefly. The rollers rattled against the track, the light above our heads flickered.

“There’s nothing you could have done,” Tiffany said adamantly. I ignored her.

“I remember our first date,” I laughed. “We went to this stupid roller skating rink. I fell down a hundred times, she was always there to help me back up. She didn’t laugh at me, she was just…so gentle. She always listened to me, she talked to me, she…genuinely cared about my life. For my first boy…girlfriend I mean, that’s so special. I’ve never had anything like that since then. I don’t think I ever will again.”
“Remember the cheesecake?” Tiffany chuckled a little. I laughed. I remembered the cheesecake.

“Yeah, when I dropped mom’s cheesecake on the floor and Jake…Jayne came over and made a new one, just like it so she wouldn’t notice. She just dropped everything and came over. But it wasn’t big things like that…it was…that smile she would give me when I was stressing out or worried, or upset. It wasn’t condescending it was like…letting me know that it would be okay and that…that she would be there for me.”

I was crying. I could feel the tears forming and running down my cheeks. Isabella’s hardened expression was diminishing. I could feel Tiffany’s hand slowly sliding into mine. I appreciated the warmth; I squeezed it. She squeezed back.

“What happened to her?” Isabella asked softly, moving toward us, away from the door.

“That’s…that’s where things get really messed up,” I locked eyes with Isabella. “She came out…as trans. To me first. We were laying on this blanket in my backyard and she said it so…simply. She just said ‘Aleah, I think I’m a woman’. That was it. It was such a small thing but you know now that I think back it’s like…what did it take for her to get to that point? To a point where she was just okay with saying it out loud? I guess that’s why I’m so sympathetic with Audrey. I mean yeah she broke into our house and it was a little creepy-“

“A lot creepy,” Tiffany corrected.

“Okay, a lot creepy but maybe it was all she thought she could do. Maybe she was SO trapped inside her own head that it didn’t occur to her to ask for help. But who would she even ask for help? She didn’t know who she could trust. I just think…yeah, Audrey needs a lesson in what’s appropriate and what isn’t but she also needs to be handled…gently.”

“You let her get…kidnapped,” Isabella said quietly. I ignored her. The wind pounded against the door again. It was going to storm. I checked my phone; it was 6:45. We had to wrap this up soon.

“When she…when she came out,” I continued. “I mean I was confused, really confused. I didn’t understand what trans was or what she was feeling but she was so patient with me. I did so many stupid things and I said…things that I regret SO much but she…she stood by me and helped me learn, even though it wasn’t her place to do that. She should have just walked away from me but she didn’t. I remember when she came out to her parents, finally. I went with her and…”

“And what?” Isabella asked after a literal two minutes of silence. “What happened?”

“They blamed me. They said I put the idea into her head,” I felt the tears pouring down my cheeks. I could hear them splattering against the floor. I was so acutely aware of everything. The howling of the wind outside, the suffocating warmth inside the storage unit, the denim material of my jacket clinging to my heavily moisturized skin. I so didn’t want to be here. I so didn’t want to be going through this again but maybe it was good to get it out. “They screamed at me, they told me to get out. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her. They were calling the police on me. I…got up and ran…I shouldn’t have. I should have held her. I should have told her it was going to be okay but I thought…I thought I was going to see her at school in the morning. I didn’t. They pulled her out of school and they sent her somewhere…to some place.”

“What?” Isabella frowned. “Where did they send her?”

“Some kind of re-education thing,” Tiffany answered for me. “Like, a church run thing. They teach you not to be gay, or trans or whatever.”

“I don’t know what happened to her there,” I said, shaking my head. “But she came back in the summer and…I tried to talk to her. She was different. She told me she didn’t want to be with me. I…it’s not…it wasn’t fair!”

I screamed. I turned and punched one of the crates as hard as I could. I punched it again, and again, and again. I could feel Tiffany and Isabella’s hands on me, pulling me back, embracing me. I struggled hard but eventually fell into the embrace, sobbing into Tiffany’s shoulder.

“I loved her,” I shouted into the fabric of her windbreaker. “I loved her and they took her from me. I loved her. I loved her. I loved her. Why, god why did they take her from me?”

“It’s okay,” Isabella said. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“It’s not okay!” I screamed, pulling away from Tiffany and turning to face Isabella. “They made her live like that…like a man. She started going to church, and…talking about how she’d been cured, and how she was happy. And then what? Then she hung herself, in her closet. She HUNG herself. She was such a beautiful person inside and out and she died in the back of a stupid closet. How dare you tell me it’s going to be okay? It’s not going to be OKAY you stupid bitch!”

“Calm down,” Tiffany put a hand on my shoulder. “Concentrate on what we’re doing now. Think about Audrey.”

“Yeah, Audrey,” I said. “Audrey isn’t her.”

“So you’ve said,” Tiffany reminded me. “To her face.”

I wiped my eyes.

“Let’s just get the letters,” I said. “We have to finish this before it starts storming.”

“That’s it, right there,” Tiffany pointed from the driver’s seat. “It’s Sakiya’s car.”

How could I miss it anyway? It was a deep red and white convertible; painted the colors of Woodcrest. Her obsession with this place was disturbing. She was standing there, leaned against the car in her pink and white TRI PI outfit. Like us they had this standard outfit for all of their members; it was a pink sweater with a white collar and a knee-length white skirt. All of the pledges wore it to events but Sakiya often wore it obsessively. Her long blonde hair was tied up in a high ponytail and her arms were crossed. From here I could almost see the smirk on her face. Yeah, okay, she’d won.

“Hey Sakiya,” I said as Tiffany, Isabella, and I crossed the parking lot.

“Hey beautiful,” She smirked. “You got the stuff?”

“Maybe,” I said cautiously. “Do you have my pledge?”

Sakiya glanced back toward the car, then pushed off and walked toward us, meeting us halfway.

“That’s not your pledge,” She said, looking at us smugly. I sighed.

“No, she’s not our pledge,” I said. “Did you figure that out all by yourself?”

She smiled broadly. I wanted to smack her.

“More importantly,” I sighed. “Did you tell anyone?”

Sakiya raised an eyebrow.

“No I didn’t tell anyone,” She said almost defensively. “What kind of monster do you think I am? We kept her in a private room and let her watch movies. You got my letters or not?”

“They’re in the back,” I said. I glanced at Isabella and Tiffany who walked back to the van.

“I assure you,” Sakiya said smirking. “We treated her JUST like any other GAT bitch who happened to be staying over.”

“That’s reassuring,” I said plainly as Tiffany and Isabella came back carrying the long cardboard box.

“You can put that in the backseat of my car,” Sakiya said. She waved her hand toward the car and out stepped another TRI PI accompanied by some girl who I hoped was Audrey. As she stepped closer to us I could see that it was in fact Audrey but she was wearing the TRI PI pledge outfit which was similar to Sakiya’s, but had the three PI symbols etched across he chest. She was also made up really, REALLY well. She passed as a woman better right now than she ever had. Damn. The next thing I noticed was that she was limping.

“What did you do to her?” I said accusingly.

“Nothing,” Sakiya laughed. “When you tried to pull your prank she sprained her ankle on the way out of the basement. We took care of her.”

“Wait, so you didn’t kidnap her?” I said incredulously.

“She was free to leave whenever she wanted,” Sakiya shrugged. “It was just hard for her to do on a sprained ankle.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Unbelievable,” I said as I watched the letters being loaded into Sakiya’s car. “Hey Audrey.”

“Hey,” She smiled. She looked so happy. I felt so pissed. “Great to see you!”

She was speaking with a better upward inflection than usual. They must have seriously worked with her. Putting us to shame.

“Hey Audrey,” I said. “Head to the van okay? I need to talk to Sakiya.”

“Okay!” She said happily. Tiffany and Isabella stood on either side of her and helped her toward the van.

“Look um, “ I said to Sakiya as soon as they were out of earshot. “Thanks for…taking care of her.”

“You don’t need to thank me for human decency,” She said, still smirking. “But you do need to keep your hands off our stuff.”

“No promises,” I said, turning on my heel and walking back toward the van.

“Did they feed you?” I heard Isabella asking Audrey as I climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Yeah!” Audrey said. “Sakiya showed me how some cool stuff, like eating meat and vegetables instead of bread.

“Great,” I threw the van into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. “Little over two days and they put you on the keto diet.”

“The what?” Audrey said questioningly.

“Never mind,” I shook my head and turned onto the highway, taking us through a row of lighted restaurants and stores as the rain started to cut through the night. I flipped the wipers on and cringed as they squeaked across the glass. Audrey chattered to Isabella in the backseat about makeup and things she’d learned; she seemed happier than usual. That was good. After a few blocks I turned into the Wal-Mart parking lot.

“Um, what are you doing?” Audrey asked. I could see her eyes widening in the rear view mirror.

“I need shampoo,” I told her. “Like, a lot of it.”

“I…can I wait in the van?” Audrey’s voice was panicked. I frowned.

“Remember what I said about not leaving you alone?” I pulled into a parking space beneath a street light and turned back toward her.

“Well, I mean,” She stuttered. “Maybe you can drop me off at the house and you can come back out?”

“I’m not wasting gas like that,” I said, getting irate. “What is wrong with you?”

“Audrey,” Isabella said, placing her hand on her shoulders. “Why don’t you want to go into the store?”

Audrey lowered her head and focused her eyes on Isabella’s knees.

“I…” She started to say, but choked on her words.

“You what?” Tiffany turned around and stared at her.

“I’m afraid people will laugh at me,” She said quietly. I couldn’t see her face but it sounded like she was on the verge of tears. I could see her literally shaking. Isabella took her hand.

“Audrey?” Isabella said, looking down, trying to make eye contact with her. “Do you trust me?”

She continued to shake like a leaf but she finally nodded, just slightly.

“Okay, Audrey?” She spoke her name again, softly his time. Audrey raised her head, allowing Isabella to make eye contact. “You look like a girl, hun. When we walk into that store no one is going to see anything but a girl. No one is going to laugh at you. I’ll stay by you and hold your hand the entire time, okay?”

I swear even under her makeup I could see her turning pale. God, I hoped she wasn’t going to throw up in our van. She’d be cleaning it if she did. Finally she nodded again. Isabella turned and slid the passenger door open, stepping out onto the damp concrete. The rain had mostly subsided. She held her hand out to Audrey.

“First step is the hardest, right?” She said with a soft smile. Audrey gingerly took her hand and took that first step out of the van and onto the blacktop.

“Okay,” I said, stepping out and locking the door. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Aleah, can I talk to you?” Isabella stared at me as I walked toward the store.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Listen,” She said in a whisper. “This is just a shopping trip to you but this is Audrey’s first time really out in public. She’s scared to death. We need to stay with her.”

“She’s…an adult,” I shrugged. “She can handle herself.”

Isabella pursed her lips and glanced over her shoulder at Audrey who was huddling behind her.

“Right now, she’s not,” Isabella said to me sharply. “Think of her as a kid. That’s the position she’s in. This is all new to her.”

“Like a kid,” I repeated back slowly. Maybe she was right; I thought back to Jayne; I remembered her dressing in my clothes back in the day and going out with me. She’d never seemed that nervous about it. Maybe it was different for everyone. “Alright, um, we’ll just…stay together.”

As we passed through the airlock and into the store I noticed Audrey making a very clear attempt to stay behind me. She didn’t want to be seen. I turned and placed a hand under her chin, locking my eyes with hers.

“Keep your head up,” I said quietly so that no one else around us would overhear. “Don’t look down at the floor like that. You’re a woman, act like one, be proud.”

We walked toward the personal hygiene section, passing by several shelves of razors, travel shampoo, and stupid promotional products with the ‘As Seen on TV’ logo emblazoned on them. More of a money sink than anything else.

“I think—” I started to turn into the shampoo aisle, and then I stopped dead in my tracks. Mike was walking toward us from the end of the aisle. Yeah, like he needed shampoo for that mop on his head. I should explain this a little. Weeks ago when we first took Audrey in, so to speak, Mike, the overbearing asshole assume that Audrey was on our porch to hit on his girlfriend. I don’t really understand the logic behind it, there were over thirty other girls in the house that she could have been hitting on but Mike had some serious control issues. Long story short: Mike beat the crap out of Audrey and landed her in the hospital; the police had yet to do ANYTHING about it. It should be safe right now though; when Mike had beaten Audrey up before, she looked like a guy. Right now, she didn’t. I mean seriously if I didn’t know who she was I wouldn’t have known she was trans. I wished I could convince Audrey of that because she was standing beside me shaking again, her eyes locked on the floor.

“Hey, hey!” Mike waved at us like we were old friends. I wanted to snap his neck and mount his head on a wall. Not my wall, just, any wall. Preferably a wall I didn’t have to look at. “GAT’s out on a shopping trip, huh!”

“Yeah,” I forced a laugh. “We come to stores like normal people, who knew, right?”

He immediately looked past me, staring straight at Audrey. Oh dear god.

“Who do we have here?” He said with a shitfaced grin. “I don’t think I’ve seen her before. One of your new pledges I guess. What’s your name?”

Audrey started to look up. Mike was staring at her, expecting a response. I didn’t know how well Audrey’s voice would pass for female.
“Her name is Audrey,” Tiffany said quickly. Audrey’s sigh of relief probably could have moved mountains.

“Why don’t you let the lady answer for herself?” Mike smirked. The way he said lady, pretending to be respectful. He couldn’t even be respectful to his mother. He suddenly reached out and put his hand under her chin, lifting her head up the way I had, but my god he had no business touching her. “Hey, why don’t you look at me when I’m talking to you?”

Audrey wasn’t just mortified, she was terrified. I could see it in her eyes. Suddenly, Mike had his hand on her waist as if he was trying to pull her in. It was subtle, but he was damn sure doing it. Enough. I stepped in between them and cupped my hand, throwing it forward and slamming it into Mike’s crotch. I squeezed as hard as I could. He paled and tried to pull back but I kept my grip. As soon as I did it, Tiffany casually stepped behind him and interlocked her arms in his, pulling them behind his back and forcing him back into the aisle, away from prying eyes.

“Get off of me you bitch!” He hissed. He didn’t want to be too loud; there was no way he’d want people to know his was happening to him. I found a sensitive spot and squeezed it with my thumb and index finger. He rocked his head back, slamming it into Tiffany’s shoulder.
“Behave,” She told him, looking down at him.

“I don’t know who raised you,” I said sternly. “Probably some farm animals in incest county or whatever but here in the civilized world we don’t just walk around touching people.”

“You’re crazy!” He glared at me. I squeezed harder and leaned into him.

“Apologize to her,” I gritted my teeth and jerked my head, indicating Audrey.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” He croaked.

“And you won’t do it again, right?” Tiffany said from over his shoulder.

“Right,” He said with a cracking voice.

“Promise?” I asked. “Cross your heart and hope to die?”

“Yes!” He said desperately. I squeezed more.

“More detail,” I smirked.

“Cross my heart and hope to die!”

I nodded to Tiffany, we let go at the same time and dropped him to the floor.

“Let’s go,” I said to the others, forgetting about the shampoo. We made a beeline for the exit, keeping Audrey safely between us. Crossing the parking lot took forever. Okay maybe it really didn’t but it sure seemed like it. I could hear Audrey breathing as we passed by parked cars making our way to the van. She was going to hyperventilate before we got there, or she was going to choke; I could hear her quiet sobs starting to cut through every breath she took. We made it. I tore open the door and I Isabella loaded her into the van. Tiffany and I ducked, following her in. Thank god it was a cargo van; we had more than enough room.

“Audrey,” Isabella said, taking both of her hands as I knelt in front of her between the seats. “Are you okay?”

Audrey’s answer was a series of sobs and chokes as she trembled and tears destroyed her mascara.

“Talk it out hon,” I said. “Tell us what you’re feeling.”

She tried to talk but it just wasn’t working. I laid a hand on her knee. She looked at me with tear stained eyes.

“Come on,” Audrey,” Tiffany said from behind Isabella. “We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s going through your head.”

“I don’t…I don’t…I…” Audrey stammered. “He just touched me like…like I was…”

“A piece of meat?” I finished for her. She nodded.

“Can you tell us what you’re feeling?” Isabella asked gently. “Sometimes it helps to talk it out, okay hon?”

She didn’t need to explain it to us, we already knew. That look on her face; I’d worn it so many times. I was used to it by now. She felt violated; used. As if all of her power had been taken from her. Sure not much had happened, but it had been enough. It was weird for her, really weird. She’d spent her entire life in that male ‘bubble’. I mean yeah she wasn’t exactly a prime male specimen but she was still spared things like this. Now that bubble was broken. She was exposed, vulnerable. The ultimate downside to being a woman.

“We’re going home,” I announced, crawling between the two pilot seats and taking my seat behind the wheel. I slammed me head against the headrest and sighed, feeling my own heartbeat against the sound of Audrey’s sobs. If we’re going to be honest, I’d forgotten. I’d completely forgotten that she was going to experience this. That she had to experience it. How was I even going to protect her? I couldn’t, and it hurt. But I would try. From now on I swore to god I was going to try, no matter what it took.

“Okay, sit down,” I indicated the toilet. Audrey obediently plopped down on the seat while I grabbed my makeup wipes. I briefly wondered how hard I would have to scrub her face to get this crap off. Really depended on how they’d sealed it on. If it was just a setting powder yeah, okay, but if they’d gotten carried away? I might have to take a belt sander to her face. I leaned in and readied the makeup wipe. “We’ll have you home in just a bit.”

“Um, Aleah?” She said. She looked up at me, her eyes wide and tear stained. Pleading.

“Yeah?” I said gently, holding the wipe in my hand.

“Can I…can I stay for a little while?”

“Why? Don’t you need to get home?”

“I um…well when I was over at Tri Pi I was…like this and…they called me Audrey the whole time and…”

“And you were a girl,” I finished for her. She nodded lightly.

“I don’t want to stop yet,” She whispered, staring up at me with a sad look in her eyes. I understood. I put the makeup wipe back in the bag.

“Okay Audrey,” I smiled. “Let me fix your mascara though.”

She nodded, I grabbed her makeup bag from under the sink and smiled to her as I rubbed of the excess, fixed her foundation, and reapplied the mascara.

“Go ahead and go downstairs,” I said to her. “Just hang out, okay?”

I watched her leave, and Tiffany entered the bathroom.

“Need to talk to you,” She said pointedly. I stared back.

“What about?” I asked.

“What are you going to do about tuition?” She asked, walking further into the bathroom and shutting the door. I sighed.
“There’s not much I can do,” I said. “I’m going to have to drop out. I figure on Monday I’ll have to call a house meeting and I’ll announce that I’m leaving. We’ll have new elections and…that’ll be that.”

Tiffany frowned.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” She asked.

“Um, unless you’re going to pull the money out of thin air,” I said. “I can’t get a job no matter how hard I try and financial aid won’t help me.”

“I…pulled some strings for you,” She said. “With Shawn.”

“Shawn? The president of DEM? Why would I want his help?”

“Because you’re desperate,” She pointed out. “And he’s not a bad guy, and neither is his father.”

“I don’t know,” I trailed off for a moment. “I just don’t want to get into anything shady.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes.

“You’re telling me you’re not already into shady stuff with the whole student body president thing?”

“That’s different,” I said.

“Let’s be honest,” Tiffany said. “You’ve already secured the Omega house vote through…actions. You have most of DEM and I trust you’re going to work your way through the rest of the student body. Your hands aren’t clean.”

“Fair enough,” I sighed. There was a knock at the door.

“Hey!” Olivia called out from the other side. “I need to pee!”

“Use the downstairs!” Tiffany shouted back. I heard Olivia grumble as her footsteps moved toward the stairs.

“You were saying?” I said to Tiffany who leaned against the door.

“I’m saying you’re not the most honest person, which is none of my business really but you’re doing one thing that is moral, and honest, at least to an extent.”

“What’s that?” I crossed my arms.

“Audrey,” She said simply. “This is the nicest thing you’ve done for anyone in a long time and I think maybe it’s good for you.”

I chewed over it, she was probably right about that.

“So what are you saying?” I asked.

“I’m saying that if you drop out of school and out of this house, whose going to help her? I think she’s helping you as much as the other way around.”

I didn’t like that image. I didn’t want to depend on someone else for my emotional well being. Surely there was another explanation. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“What do you want me to do? What do I do?” I said finally.

Tiffany crossed the bathroom and handed me a business card.

“Michael Derringer’s phone number,” She explained. “His private line. There’s already an interview set up for you, a part time job so you can keep going to school.”

I stared at the card. I couldn’t believe I was going to do this. I was going to do this.

I sighed a bit and followed Tiffany from the bathroom, clutching the card in my hand as we descended the stairs. Audrey was there in the living room, talking and laughing happily with the other girls as if nothing was happening. She was comfortable, she was happy; more so than Jayne had ever been. I felt a twinge of anger at the elation that Audrey felt – knowing that it was something Jayne would never experience. No, that wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault that she got to be happy and…

“Hey ladies,” I said as I walked downstairs. “Let’s talk a bit about philanthropy!”

“Are we actually DOING philanthropy?” Isabella looked up. Audrey did too.

“Very funny,” I said. “Tiffany is involved in the Les Biz play so that can count as-“

“Les Miz,” Audrey corrected.

“Isn’t it Les Mis?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow, folding her arms.

“Everyone says Miz,” Audrey shrugged. “It’s cool, and hip, unlike you.”

“Audrey,” Tiffany scowled. “I will literally fuck you with a rake-“

“LADIES!” I interrupted rudely. “Tiffany is in the play, so we can count that toward our hours. I counted it up and all we need to do to meet the minimum is volunteer at the old folks home, or maybe do some trash pickup, whichever one sounds less gross.”

“Soup kitchen,” Audrey said suddenly. Everyone turned and stared at her.

“Sorry?” I said, looking at her, wondering what kind of input she could possibly have.

“You can work at the soup kitchen down on Fourth and Apple. You just hand out food, and you’re behind a counter so you don’t really have to interact with anyone. I do it once a month, I can get you in.”

“YOU volunteer?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow.

“Do I look like a monster to you or something?” Audrey said sarcastically. “Of course I volunteer.”

“Okay that’s really unexpected,” I admitted. “But I think we’re going to go with that. Can you get me the number to the shelter?”

“Sure,” Audrey said, pulling out her phone and shooting me a text. I ignored my phone as it buzzed in my shallow pant pocket.

As I surveyed the room I noticed Tiffany standing behind the couch, staring intently at me. When I finally made eye contact, she nodded to her phone. She wanted to text. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it. First there was the text from Audrey – that was awesome, and then there was Tiffany’s message:

Check this link

Her message was accompanied by a hyperlink, which I tapped, and then impatiently waited for the page to load. Finally the cursor stopped spinning and the page splashed across my device. It was a news site, a pretty reliable one. The headline read: Alexander Garron Donates $1 Million to Woodcrest University.

That kind of made me stop in my tracks; Alexander Garron was…he was Jayne’s father. There was a lump in my throat and a tightening in my stomach that I can’t even begin to describe. I read further and the feeling became worse as I discovered his donation had given him a seat on the school board. I slowly looked up from the phone and made eye contact with Tiffany again, then shifted my gaze to Audrey who was still sitting on the couch, talking and laughing with the others. I’d promised to protect her, and that was becoming harder by the minute.

“How do the Garrons even have a million dollars to donate to Woodcrest?” Tiffany asked me as I took exit 78 onto the freeway. I’d brought her with me for emotional support, and for directions. Mostly emotional support; I could have used my GPS to get to Derringer Inc., this place where I was supposedly going to be landing a new job.

“A few years ago, Alexander invested in this pharmaceutical company, um…Miratran, I think. They were making um…oh what was it? Right, an alternative for therapy or something, you like, take the pill and it fixes everything that’s wrong with you…somehow,” I explained. “I’m not really supposed to tell you that, but Jayne filled me in when we were hanging out one day. The problem is that the pill worked but there were like three human rights groups that gave him the smackdown.”

“Then how did it make money?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow. “How is he loaded?”

“The pharmaceutical company paid some people off. It’s not really in use but…it’s out there.”

“Sounds like something I could use,” Tiffany laughed. I pulled off the freeway and took a right.

“Couldn’t we all,” I rolled my eyes. “Give Audrey some of that shit.”

“She’s going to need it too, after everything we’ve done to her,” Tiffany said, a tinge of irritation and worry present in her voice. Yeah, I was a little worried too.

“Okay, here we are,” I said, pulling off the main road and into a parking lot. As I passed by an empty guard house I internally gasped at the size of the steel and glass structure in front of me. This thing was huge, and I do mean huge. Steel and glass with a wavy construction, this one building extended forever as it towered over the parking lot and as I understood it, this was only the main campus. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” Tiffany said nonchalantly, answering a message on her phone. “Derringer’s way more loaded than the Garrons.”

“Uh, is that why you date him?” I pulled into an empty parking space, considering myself lucky that I was actually able to find one.

“At first,” She admitted. “But it seems…a little more complicated than that now.”

“Complicated how?”

“I…like him?” She shrugged.

“Well that IS complicated for YOU,” I smirked, turning the car off. I was doing my best to keep my mind busy; I’d been having a mild panic attack ever since I’d read the news about the Garrons practically buying their way into the Woodcrest board. It made sense because they kind of lived around here but I didn’t know how I felt about them having that kind of control over my college experience. “Where are we going again?”

“Floor 3A,” Tiffany informed me as she began to walk briskly toward the building. I quickly caught up and walked beside her, clutching my purse and the folder in my right hand. “Don’t freak out, you’ve got this. I’m pretty sure you already have the job.”

“We’re not going to know that for sure until I get in there,” I sighed. “Let’s just…get this over with so they can reject me, alright?”

“You’ve got it,” Tiffany grinned as we continued to walk toward the entrance. We passed a sign that pointed visitors in multiple different directions; the green arrow pointed toward the main entrance, a massive aqua tinted window with a series of built-in revolving doors. I could feel the pressure change the moment we stepped inside; a woosh of air connected with the entirety of my body and I immediately felt a little more comfortable than I had outside. We exited the revolving door and emerged into a marble lobby, the entire space bathed in the aqua colored light emanating from the plate glass windows. The entire lobby was flanked with white walls, steel columns, and flat OLED displays showing off products. This place was impressive.

“Can I help you?” A short-haired receptionist called out to us as we approached the front desk.

“Hi, my name is Aleah Simms I’m here for—”

“Oh yes, the interview!” The receptionist said. “Why don’t you two have a seat over there and Veronica will be down in a few minutes. Can I get you anything? Coffee, Soda, Food?”

“Uh…” I said, thinking for a moment. “I probably shouldn’t.”

“Great!” She smiled, chipper as all fuck. “Just have a seat and she’ll be right down!”

“This place is incredible,” Tiffany remarked as we took a seat on the U-shaped couch off to the right. “I had no idea.”

“You’ve never been here?” I asked, a little confused. “Aren’t you dating Shawn?”

“We haven’t quite gotten to ‘take me to your daddy’s work’ yet,” She shrugged. “In fact I JUST started calling him Daddy—”

“Um…moving on,” I said quickly. “What about that news? That’s a little insane.”

“I know, right?” Tiffany said as she scrolled through her phone. “Look at this, news from our sister campus, Bellcrest. Remy Francis set the record for volunteer hours.”

“I’m not talking about that news, and you know it,” I sighed. “The Garrons worming their way into Woodcrest is a disaster.”

“Woodcrest is a private school,” Tiffany said, trying to be reassuring. “It’s not like one person on the board can do anything.”

“You would think,” I said. “But I looked into the board members, most of them lean pretty conservative, Garron throws them over the top.”

“What are you thinking?” Tiffany raised an eyebrow.

“I’m thinking they could ban LGBT clubs on campus, change the dress code…I never believed one person could make a change, but this…this guy is pure evil,” I shuddered a bit at the thought.

“Excuse me,” A woman said, approaching us. “Aleah Simms?”

“Ah yes, that’s me,” I confirmed, standing up to take the woman’s hand. She was a brunette, kind of nerdy, a lot smaller than me. Her face was framed by her long, super straight brown hair and a pair of pink cat-eye glasses. She looked anything but professional.

“Hi Aleah, my name’s Veronica, Mr. Derringer’s personal assistant, if you’ll follow me, we can get started with the interview!”

‘Good luck’, Tiffany mouthed to me as I followed Veronica away from the reception area and toward an elevator. We rode in silence, not even a hint of elevator music, all the way to the third floor. As we emerged from the carriage we passed onto a balcony that put the whole of the lobby on display, from a massive fountain in the center to the swath of OLED screens illuminating each wall in the light of rampant commercialism. I could see Tiffany below, lost in her phone.

I continued to follow Veronica until we reached an office – not a very discreet one; you could see into it from the outside as the entire wall was made from plate glass. Inside was a thin onyx conference table flanked by modern styled chairs; she led me inside.

“Have a seat,” She smiled as she gestured to one of the chairs. As we sat down, she lifted a small remote from the table and pressed a button. Instantly, the glass shifted from being transparent to entire opaque. Shit, that was neat. “Just wanted to give us a little bit of privacy.”

“I appreciate it,” I tried to mirror her chipper attitude but I just couldn’t pull it off.

“Okay, there are a few things I want to go over here,” She said. “You currently run the Gamma Alpha Tau sorority over at Woodcrest, and we’ve seen your work history which is spotty at best. Fortunately for you, that’s not what we’re looking at.”

“It’s not?” I looked down at the folder containing my resume. Did I bring this for no reason?

“We’re actually looking at your activity in the GAT house, particularly member dues,” She began to scroll through information on a tablet in front of her. “I know that the GAT membership is $450 per semester, per person, which is pretty cheap for a Greek house, but it looks like you’re collecting $550 based on information we found.”

My eyes went wide; I could feel the lump in my throat forming. How could they have possibly gotten their hands on that information? It’s not like it was written down anywhere, holy shit.

“I um…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as I tried my best to maintain my composure.

“I see,” She said. “So how are you handling the money? What’s the reason? We’re not going to report you, we’re just curious,”

I sighed. I was caught, this wasn’t good. Best to just come clean. It wasn’t like I would be in school that much longer anyway, especially if I didn’t get this job.

“So, when my parents cut me off financially I knew that I’d have to pay for school so I started skimming off the top. I took the money and put it into gift cards instead of putting it under my mattress, or in a bank account. I can’t really cash it out and use it though, because if it looks like I suddenly have money there would be an investigation.”

“That’s embezzlement, and money laundering,” Veronica said, staring straight at me. “You do know you could spend time in federal prison for that, right?”

“It’s better than spending the rest of my life flipping burgers because I couldn’t pay for college,” I said defensively. “I don’t know what I was supposed to do. I guess I’m going to jail now, so thanks for that.”

“Actually, that little scheme of yours is why you’re being given this interview,” Veronica said matter of factly. “We have secretaries, we have EA’s, we have all kinds of people to do grunt work. What we have a lack of is people who’ll do whatever it takes to succeed. You think you could bring some of that ingenuity to our organization, Ms. Simms?”

I started at her in shock. She was dead serious. Was this actually happening?

“I…could…” I said. “For the right price.”

“Ah yes, the right price,” Veronica tapped on the tablet a few times and slid it over to me. “Would that be the right price?”

I looked at it, my eyes were completely bugged out.

“Um…I…I think that’s the right price,” I nodded slowly.

“Then welcome aboard!” Veronica smiled wide and reached out to shake my hand. “I have a non-disclosure agreement for you to sign and then we’ll get started on your employee paperwork, I just KNOW that we’re going to get along!”

I stood outside the GAT house, leaning against the railing and staring at the far off stadium lights. Football season would be starting any day now and you know, while I wasn’t a big fan of the games themselves I couldn’t help but be addicted to the energy. The screaming fans, the crudely drawn paper sighs, and oh god, the after-parties. I couldn’t tell you how much I was looking forward to getting completely smashed at the DEM house and waking up with a random stranger, especially after the events of the last few weeks. I felt like I’d destroyed Audrey and sold my soul to Derringer’s company but you know what’s strange? I didn’t feel that bad about it. Okay, maybe Audrey, but the other thing? Not so much. Maybe my parents had pushed me too far, maybe it was time to become the monster that they’d always imagined me to be. Maybe that was okay.

“What are you thinking about?” Audrey asked. I nearly jumped out of my skin. She was sitting on the steps, three feet from me and I hadn’t noticed her. She was presenting male, well, sort of androgynous, but you get the picture.

“Audrey what the hell are you doing? When did you get here?”

“I’m here a lot, if you didn’t notice,” She shrugged. She had her feet set on the steps with her knees close to her chin; her arms were wrapped around her denim covered legs.

“I was…actually thinking about you,” I admitted. “Everyone’s been kind of worried about you. What happened with Tri Pi?”

“You mean you’re worried because you just left me there for like two days?” She smirked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. She was becoming really, really aware of the things that were happening to her. She wasn’t the scared little girl I’d met in my room a few weeks ago, that was for sure.

“Yeah,” I said. “What happened at Tri Pi when I left you there?”

“Mostly just hung out,” She shrugged. “I played my game, worked out some transition things-“

“Transition?” I raised an eyebrow. “I talked to you about transition the other day and you said-“

“I think I’ve changed my mind,” She interrupted me. “I mean…we all know I want to be a girl. I just…think it’s time to start pursuing it, you know? Before I get old and wrinkly.”

“I have SO much to do before I get old and wrinkly,” I sighed. “How are things going with Chastity? Have you talked to her?”

“You pretty much sunk that like the Titanic. You know, if the Titanic were sunk by a nuke.”

“I’m really sorry about that,” I stared off into the distance, toward the stadium lights again, allowing my eyes to lose focus for a moment. I closed my eyes, finally and concentrated on the cool night air gently rubbing against my skin. Somewhere in the distance, crickets chirped, and I could hear the sound of someone screaming inside the DEM house. That was normal.

“What’s done is done,” Audrey said dismissively. She wanted us to think she was okay, but I didn’t think she was. I really didn’t. “Hey is Tiffany here? I kinda have a bone to pick with her.”

“Get in line,” I snorted. “But no, I don’t think she’s here. I think she went to hang out with Shawn.”

“The DEM president? What’s she doing with him?”

“What isn’t she doing with him?”

“Ew.”

“Preaching to the choir, lady,” I sighed and looked back toward the house. I needed to get inside, I needed to get some homework done, I needed to get ready for tomorrow, I needed to do so many things. I didn’t want to do any of them.

“How’s the play going?” I asked. I kind of wanted to know about that, but mostly because we were using it for charity hours. Maybe I was being a little selfish right now.

“I’m a girl, you know,” She said suddenly. I blinked and turned to look at her. Where the hell had that come from? “I’m a girl, like you. I look…hideous on the outside. I feel like I’m never going to be good enough. People look at me and this is all they see. They just see…this horrible, ugly boy and they had no idea what’s below the surface. There’s so much more to me that I can’t tell Mason, that I can’t tell anyone. You know, when I go out to the mall or anywhere, I see girls wearing these adorably outfits and I know that if I were…a girl on the outside I could walk up to them and say ‘Hey I love your top, where’d you get that?’ or…just…talk to them…like a girl. But I can’t, Aleah, because I look like this. I’m…a girl in here but that’s not what matters to people. Nature is cruel, Aleah. Sometimes the caterpillar never really becomes the butterfly.”

“Audrey…”I trailed off. I really didn’t know what to say. She smiled sadly and stood, walking off into the night.

I walked over to the steps where she’d been sitting just a moment ago and sat down on the steps where she’d been a moment ago. I could feel my eyes beginning to water as I came to the realization that I was failing once again. I couldn’t help her. I didn’t know what I was doing. I sighed.

“God help me Jayne,” I said, staring up at the sky. “I should tell her to fuck off and live her life but…It’s just…she reminds me of you, and I want you with me.”

There was no answer. There never would be. I was alone. I was the monster. So be it.

“Yeah, I have some concerns,” I said, raising my hand, though it was kind of a moot point. Melissa kind of looked at me blankly.

“Oh, yeah, what’s up Todd?” She set capped her marker and set it down on the whiteboard tray, crossing her arms and leaning against the desk at the front of the room.

“It’s just…Tiffany has a song to sing in Act 2, right? The um...oh what was it..'On my Own'. She hasn’t shown up for the last two practices, does she even know the song? I mean…I know she's good with her mouth but-”

“I’m going to bring that up to her,” Melissa nodded. “But I also have some reservations because we can’t find anyone else to play Eponine. No one wanted to do it. Kind of weird but…”

“There are literally thousands of people in this school,” I shot back. “Just…grab one.”

“Guys, we’re going to call it a day here,” Melissa nodded to the theater group who breathed a sigh of relief and stood from their desks, exiting the room as fast as they could. I remained in my seat, my chin resting on my fist as I started at Melissa. She stood from the desk and very quietly made her way toward me. I started to tense up, was she going to kill me? To my surprise, she reached her hand out and smiled. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

I blinked for a moment, confused, but I took her hand and stood from the desk. We made our way to the front of the classroom and then across the hall, into the auditorium. I squinted as my eyes were forced to adjust to the light change; it was always dark in here. I fact, in all the times I’d been here I don’t think I’d ever actually seen the place with the lights on.

We walked past the red theater seating, toward the massive wooden stage and took a left turn at the front row. She led me onto the stage and checked a few times to make sure I was still following. All I could focus on was her damn turtleneck sweater. I seriously loved the way that thing fit on her and I was so jealous of her having a body like that. As always, though, I felt like it was something I couldn’t bring up with her. Dammit. Why couldn’t I have just been a girl? God, why did I have to keep thinking about it? It wasn’t helping. The thoughts left my mind momentarily when we reached the back of the stage and she led me through a small door. I’d never been back here.

“Check this out, right through here,” She said. “It’s the costume room, we have a ton of stuff back here.

She wasn’t wrong, the place was huge. Hugely disorganized that is. There were tons of costumes, all hanging on racks, all labeled from ‘Sci-Fi’, to ‘Victorian’, and, ‘modern’, and just about anything else you could imagine. It kind of looked like a thrift store. She smiled softly and led me over to one of the ‘Victorian’ racks. On it were some of the most beautiful dresses I’ve ever seen. Not like, regular dresses, but the kind of like, the chemise and the lace-up bodice. I’d always wanted to wear one of these but they were so expensive, and it’s not like I could hide one in my dorm room. She quietly reached into the rack and pulled one of the corset-dresses and held it out in front of her.

“What do you think?” She asked me. I wasn’t sure what she meant.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” I echoed my thoughts, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the dress. I mean if we’re going to be honest I kind of like corsets; I liked the way they pressed and shaped the body, and I liked how difficult they could be to remove. They felt…so permanent.

“I mean, do you want to wear it?” She cocked her head and smiled a bit more. What did she even mean by that?

“I…guess?” I murmured a bit, suddenly redirecting my gaze to the concrete floor. I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to do here. I knew she was clued in on my little secret but I didn’t know how much I was supposed to talk about it with her.

“You can,” She said. “Well I mean you could try it on right now if you want, but I mean in the play. You don’t have to, but we could make you over easily, no one would be able to tell the difference. You’d just be an extra you know what? On the off chance someone does figure it out you can just tell them there was a balance issue between the male and female actors. It’s theater, no one cares.”

“I…I don’t know,” I said. “It’s just, my best friend doesn’t even know. I don’t know what he’d say, I don’t know what…I…what if my parents see…”

“Are your parents going to be at the play?” She raised an eyebrow and stared intently at me, the faintest beginnings of a smirk forming on her lips.

“No,” I admitted. “They’re not even in the same state it’s just…I…I don’t…ugh…I don’t know.”

I couldn’t even keep my own words straight, how was I supposed to give an answer. All at once I realized that my impending panic attack had more to do with me not wanting to admit that I wanted to say yes. Yes, of course I wanted to be a girl in the play, of course I wanted to wear that dress, of COURSE I wanted it. Oh my god why wouldn’t I? Funny enough, when I reflected back on this incident ten years later I would realize that in these days, the biggest obstacle I faced wasn’t my parents, or Mason, or…anyone really. The biggest obstacle was my indecision. My brain was teetering on the brink of an abyss, at the bottom of which was a happy, healthy life and there would even be people there to welcome me. The only person I was waiting on was me. I just couldn’t see it.

“You don’t have to do it, obviously,” She said, maintaining that warm smile. “You can be whoever you want, you can do whatever you want, but I think it would be good for you, Audrey.”

The corners of my mouth upturned as she used my real name. I tried to hide it but I’m sure she saw it. She grinned a little bit and nodded to the dress.

“You want to try it?” She smiled again.

I stalled again. I wanted to say yes but my brain was fighting me at every turn. God, what was I even supposed to do here?

“I…” I started to say, then stumbled again “…can I? It…would be okay?”

“Of course it would be okay,” She smiled. Holding the dress aside, she wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in, hugging me as tightly as she could with one arm. I tensed up; I wasn’t really sure what to do here. “It’s just you and me here, and you’re always Audrey to me, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered, setting my head on her shoulder.

“What the hell did those GAT girls do to you to make you so afraid, anyway?” She kind halfheartedly laughed, though it made me think a bit about the last few weeks. Yeah, things had been a little crazy. “Well, whatever, there’s a dressing room over here, you want me to come in with you? Actually yeah, I’ll help you lace up the bodice.”

We crossed the room, ducking between racks of clothes and taking more left turns than a NASCAR driver on a Sunday, finally coming to a dressing room cordoned off only by a tacky green shower curtain. You know, for one of the best publicly funded universities we sure sucked at basic amenities sometimes.

“In you go!” She giggled, practically pushing me. The inside of the dressing room was deceptively large, covered in white drywall and sporting a full length mirror beside a bench.

“Okay, um…what do I do?” I know it was a stupid question, but I kind of had no idea where to start. “Do I just…undress in front of you?”

“Yep!” She said. “We’re both girls, right? It’s pretty normal. Also, this is theater, we strip down in dressing rooms all the time. Just pretend you're getting ready for a show.”

It’s hard to explain but I actually felt just fine getting undressed in front of her. It should have been weird but I guess I felt…safe. I’d gotten to know her pretty well in the last week I guess, though only from afar as she helped us get ready for the play. Now here I was stripping down in a dressing room with her. How weird was that? It didn’t feel weird at all.

“H’okay,” She said as I dropped the last of my clothes on the floor, save for my boxers. “Bra and breast forms, put these on. You don’t need them, but if you put this dress on and don’t fill it out you’re just going to be sad, okay?”

I giggled a little bit as I slid into the padded bra she handed me. She wasn’t wrong. She then handed me a pair of silicone breast forms that she must have picked up from elsewhere in the dressing room. I could only imagine that there were a bunch of them in a box, somewhere in here.

“Good to go,” She grinned at me. “Okay, we start with the chemise, it’s basically a nightgown but once we pair it with the over-dress and the bodice, it’s a pretty sexy number.”

As we went, she explained each piece of the outfit to me until we finally got to the bodice which she slid easily over my head and laced up snugly. It felt…amazing. That’s the only way I know how to put it. I loved the restrictive feeling it thrust upon me, I don’t know…that’s probably a little bit weird, isn’t it? She finally turned me around, letting me face the mirror and get a look at myself. I wasn’t wearing makeup so I didn’t exactly look feminine, but my body looked and felt amazing. The trumpet sleeves hung to my knees, and the bodice forced my waist to conform to an hourglass shape. I stared at myself in the mirror for the lonest time, wishing for only one thing: That my body could look like this all the time. A fantasy that could never be, but a fantasy that I had nonetheless.

“It was Sakiya’s idea,” Melissa said. “I talked to her the other day, she thought you should play yourself in the play, or at least a girl. You want to transition, we know you do, you said it, pretty much, and if you decide to take the leap, just know that there are a lot of people behind you. You’re not the first trans girl to come out at Woodcrest and I know that doesn’t make it any easier for you but we will do our best to make sure it’s not hard, okay? Now come on, give me a hug girlie.”

“I…” I said as I returned her embrace. “Yes, I want to play a girl…in the play. I just can’t let anyone find out okay?”

“Deal.”

Woodcrest University Radio Broadcast September 8 2018

DJ: “What’s up Woodcrest! This is your boy, Barney Schmarney, and what kind of name is that you ask? Well I say fuck you! That’s right guys, I said fuck on the radio and the FCC is going to charge is five thousand whole ass dollars! Today I’m here with our special guest, the one, the only, Alexander Garron, the newest member of the Woodcrest Board! Tell me Mr. Garron, how does it feel to buy your way onto the board of Directors?”

Garron: “First of all, young man, I didn’t buy my way onto the board. Secondly I’m here to talk about the newest programs I want to implement—”

DJ: “What can you tell us about your daughter? The one who died.”

Garron: “Young man, my daughter Makayla is very much alive, if you’re talking about my son-“

DJ: “Ooh look at that, we’re all out of time, we’ll see you guys back here tomorrow on the Woodcrest Morning shoe!”

Garron: “Hey-“

 
“We like to think of our heroes as immortal, flawless, incapable of doing wrong,” Mr. Stenson said as he paced back and forth in front of the whiteboard, endless arrays of notes scribbled across in blue, green, black and red. An uncapped felt-tipped marker was still clutched in his hand; he wasn’t done yet. “The truth is that our heroes are often very flawed, they have problems, some far larger than yours or mine. Take Oedipus for example, there’s a whole disorder based on a few stupid mistakes he made.”

There was an audible snickering throughout the classroom, Mr. Stenson held his hand up, indicating that we needed to cut out. The snickering ceased gradually, and the lesson continued.

“Besides the obvious, can anyone tell me what Oedipus did wrong? What was one of his biggest mistakes, yes Ms. Green?”

“He didn’t listen,” Penelope, a girl with frizzy hair, wearing a blue plaid jumper said. I surveyed her carefully from the back, watching the way she spoke, the way she sat, the way she placed her hands on her desk. I needed to know all of these things, the basics of being a woman. “But he’s a man, so,”

More snickering.

“That aside,” Mr. Stenson said, folding his hands as he addressed the lecture hall. “This weekend I have a special project for you, and it’s going to require more than one mind, so to speak. You’re all going to take a look at Homer’s ‘The Odyssey’ and I want you to find one major thing that Odysseus could have done better. It can be anything, there’s a lot of material to work with. Now, for the fun part. I’ve paired you up with one other student in the class, and you’ll need to work with them to create two opposing viewpoints for the flaw you find. Stretch those creative muscles, ladies and gentlemen!”

There was an audible groan throughout the classroom; to be honest, no one liked group assignments. Most people in this class really liked working alone but hey, what could you do? Mr. Stenson ignored the wave of groans and picked up a clipboard, explaining that the pairings. After a few names, he finally came to mine.

“Todd you will be with…Mr…uh…” He pause for a moment as he stared at the paper as if he were trying to make sense of it. I suddenly had to wonder if he’d been tweaking the night before or something. “Oh, yeah, here we go. You’re with Mr. Jones, Mike Jones, there we go.”

My heart didn’t actually stop in that moment, that would be too much of a cliché. Instead if stood up, walked out of my chest, and took a midnight train over to Louisville. I slowly looked across the lecture hall to see Mike sitting one row above me, still wearing that stupid letter jacket of his. He gave me a quick nod and I immediately returned my attention to the front, trying to resist the urge to glare at Mr. Stenson. There was nothing to say, it’s not like he knew what had been going on. He had no idea, this had been entirely random. After I finished pushing my heart back inside my chest cavity I waited for the time to run out and the class to be dismissed, which it was. I immediately stood from my desk, grabbing my belongings and making my way across the room, toward Mike. I didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want to be near him. I can’t TELL you how much I didn’t want to. This was a great way to end up as a stain on the floor, or crucified on the lawn of the GAT house if he was feeling creative and diabolical.

“Hey uh…Mike,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I don’t know why I was afraid of him, it’s not like we weren’t in a room full of people.

“Todd, what’s up!” He suddenly held his hand out, elbow angled up. For a moment I thought he was going to hit me, but then I realized, it was just some kind of handshake. I compliantly took it and let him shake my hand.

“So…we’re…paired up for the assignment,” I said. “Here’s the thing…I can do it myself. I can write both viewpoints, I can come up with it in like ten minutes if you want. We don’t have to work together.”

“The hell you talking about?” He looked at me, almost in a friendly way, but it still felt as if he wanted to tear my thyroid and feed it to a bear. “We’ll work on it together, man, no one’s gonna say I didn’t do my part.”

“Um…are you sure?” I asked apprehensively. “The Odyssey is…really um…have you read it?”

“There’s a movie, right?” He asked. “I think we can get it on Amazon or something, right?”

“I think the text is a little different,” I said, trying my best not to sound condescending.

“Okay, how about this,” He said, leaning up against his desk. “You come over tomorrow, we throw back a few 40’s and you can explain it to me. I’ll have Olivia cook up some wings, we’ll have a great time, we’ll get the papers done, and everyone can be happy, sounds good, right? Right. Stop by tomorrow, dorm 215 in the Waverly wing!”

“Oh…alright, I’ll um…see you there,” I said as he gathered up his backpack and exited the room. What the hell just happened? I tried to shrug it off and walked out of the room. It would probably be best to not tell Tiffany or Aleah about that one.

Outside the room the halls were busy with foot traffic, students trying to make it to their next class. I wasn’t really in a hurry, I was kind of in a daze. My next class was algebra, a required course, but not only was I not interested in math, I suddenly didn’t want to be in the school at all.

“Hey!” A cheerful voice called out from down the hall. I turned to see Sakiya and Kari standing there. Kari was a trans girl, or so I was told; she looked completely female, I couldn’t even tell the difference. “Au…Todd, how have you been?

“I’m okay,” I said to Sakiya. “You know just…going to class and…playing games when I can.

“Okay,” She nodded. “Well, did you make an appointment with the therapist I mentioned?”

“I…called, yeah,” I nodded. She frowned.

“Really? Because I talked to her yesterday and she said she hasn’t seen you.”

Busted.

“You need help,” Kari said adamantly. “Look, we don’t know everything that’s happened to you because you’re so damned tight lipped about it but I can kinda fill in the blanks. I can tell you’re hurting, you have to do something.”

“I’ll drive you there myself if I have to,” Sakiya said to me. “Make an appointment, call today.”

“Okay,okay, I will,” I promised.

“Will you?” Sakiya raised an eyebrow, Kari folded her arms. They weren’t going to let up on this.

“Yes, I will, I promise,” I assured her. She looked at me suspiciously and then shrugged.

“I’ll be checking up on you. Oh, next week Tri Pi and Omega are having their mixer, it’s scifi themed, whatever that means. Are you coming?”

“We’re doing a Star Trek theme,” Kari filled me in. “We’re going to turn the Omega living room into the bridge of the enterprise.”

“Uh…going to fill it with green women?” I joked.

“Why, are you coming as captain kirk?”

“I feel more like a nurse chapel,” I joked.

“I’m completely lost here,” Sakiya frowned, looking between me and her. “Whatever, you just make sure you call the therapist, or there’ll be consequences.”

“What kind of consequences?” I asked kind of playfully.

“The kind where I drive you to your appointment and sit there in the waiting room with you,” Kari was annoyed. “I don’t mean to sound like a GAT girl, but do what you’re told.”

The conversation finally ended and they went on their way, thank god. I don’t know how much more of that I could have put up with. Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I pushed my way down the hall. I saw Tiffany, standing next to a bulletin board and reading something but I didn’t bother to find out what; I simply ducked my head and rushed past, out of the building. Should I make that stupid appointment? I didn’t need therapy, I felt fine. As I was considering it, and chewing over the idea in my head, my phone rang. That was weird, no one ever called my phone. Who calls when you can text? I fumbled around in my pocket a bit before finally getting a grip on it and sliding it out of my pocket. Just as I turned it over to look at the caller ID, someone slammed into me, nearly knocking it out of my hand.

“Hey, watch it, cum stain!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.

“Stop standing in the road cock muffin!” The guy yelled back. I growled and looked back at the phone, then my heart stopped. I stared at it for a full ten seconds before finally sliding the ‘answer’ button over and holding it to my hear.

“Hi Mom.”

“Oh, hey mom,” I spoke into the phone, not knowing why I even bothered acting surprised that she was calling. I mean, of course she was calling. What was I supposed to tell her?

“Sweetie I was worried about you,” My mother said in her concerned voice. “You haven’t called in weeks, we thought something happened to you!”

“Uh Mom,” I said as I began to walk toward the parking lot, considering making a beeline for the GAT house, but then rapidly changing my mind. “You know you can call me at any time right? Communication kind of goes both ways.”

“I know sweetie,” She said, her voice hinting at condescension. “But you’re in college now, you don’t want your old mother bothering you all the time do you?”

“You know you never bother me,” I pointed out. I headed toward the theater instead. It was jutting out from Building F off in the distance. Maybe Melissa would be there, maybe she could take my mind off of this paper I had to do with Mike. Jesus Christ, why did that asshole pair me up with Mike? Why even give Mike an assignment he knew nothing about? I mean seriously, what could Mike possibly know about ‘The Odyssey’? Maybe I could get him to watch the movie or something.

“Well I am certainly glad to hear that,” My mother gave a mock sigh of relief; she could probably hear me rolling my eyes. “Well I was calling to tell you that parent’s day is coming up, and your father, and I are going to come visit you.”

My voice caught in my throat. Parents day? When? What? Right, Parent’s day! Every year parents got a chance to come to campus and see what they were paying for. I guess they had the right but if they came here I would have to put as much distance between myself an GAT as possible. They couldn’t find out, ever. I changed my mind about the theater and began making my way toward the Tri Pi house; it wasn’t far from GAT and neither were far from the school. As my footsteps thudded down the sidewalk and past several blue flashing emergency call stations, I listened to my mother prattle on about how excited she was to see my dorm and what I’d been up to.

“Um well, I uh…look forward to seeing you,” I said. What else could I say? Just tell them not to come? That wouldn’t look suspicious at all, would it? “When would you be uh…coming?”

“Well it’s next week,” My mother said, sounding kind of shocked that I didn’t know. “They did tell you about Parent’s Day, right?”

“Oh, yeah, that told us,” I nodded as if she could see it through the phone. “I’m just…distracted.”

“Well I’ll let you go then,” She said. “I have some things to do around the house, and I imagine you have a LOT of studying to do.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” I said. I really wanted to get her off the phone. I would probably kill to do it at this point. “Just uh…call when you’re…on your way next week, okay?”

“You know I will!” She said cheerfully. “Bye for now!”

“Bye,” I said, hanging up the phone.

A few more cross streets and I was finally standing in front of the Tri Pi house. Their house was a lot different from the GAT house. It was bigger, first of all, and second it was in much better condition. The lawn was always well kept, and it was built in the style of a Greek revival home. White pillars overlaid against red brick, all set on a pristine white concrete porch. The place was immaculate inside and out; a stark contrast with the GAT house.

I knocked on the door twice and waited patiently; Sakiya had given me permission to come over whenever I wanted but I wasn’t sure how open that invitation really was honestly. After a few minutes with no answer I knocked one more time and then placed my hand on the doorknob. I felt my stomach do a bit of a flip as I turned the handle, hearing it click. I had no idea if this was okay but I was about to find out.

Inside the house seemed a little cluttered; I saw a pink Tri Pi hoodie hanging off the bannister directly ahead and it crossed my mind briefly that maybe a month ago I would have been scanning the room, trying to decide if I should try it on. It was funny how over time girl’s clothes had just become…my clothes, even if I couldn’t wear them all the time. My mind drifted a bit to the stash that Aleah and the others had accumulated for me back at the GAT house. They’d all some of their old clothes and I’d spent hours trying them on. Hey at least if I ever DID come out I’d have a ton of clothes to start out with. Not like that would ever happen.

“Hello?” I called out as I crossed the foyer and wandered into the main room. From the conference room to the left a familiar face appeared; Bliss was her name. A short girl with blonde hair, pulled back into a high ponytail and golden bangs hanging down over her forehead. Unlike the other, more typical Tri Pi’s she was dressed in a red Woodcrest sweatshirt and the pink Tri Pi skirt. What a combination.

“Audrey!” She said with a smile. “What brings you to our humble abode today?”

“Humble?” I said, looking around a the lavish hardwood molding and the golden chandelier situated above the landing of the stairs. “Um, I just…needed to talk to someone and…”

“And you didn’t want to go over to GAT?” She took my hand in hers and led me to the right, into the sitting room. I call it a sitting room because it just had a few couches and some chairs situated around a coffee table; it didn’t even have a TV. “Sit down dear, if you crawled out of your dorm it must be pretty serious. Are you eating?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. Bliss gave me a sort of stern, questioning look. “I am, I’m following the diet you guys gave me.”

“You’d better be,” She said, motioning for me to sit down on the couch. “If we have to we’ll make you keep a food diary.”

I thought about asking her why she cared, and then I remembered what had happened the last time I’d asked that question while sitting in a sorority.

“I promise you I’m eating,” I nodded. “I…”

“You have something on your mind,” She pointed out. “Well, let’s hear it.”

“It’s um…Parent’s Day is coming up and I…I guess I’m worried,” I started but stopped abruptly in the middle of the sentence, completely lost in my thoughts.

“Worried about what?” Bliss tilted her head.

“It’s just that…oh god are you reading that?” I glanced at the coffee table and saw the thick copy of ‘Angela’s Legacy’ sitting in the middle.

“Uh, yeah it’s one of my favorites,” Bliss shrugged. “You should try it.”

“Bliss,” I said insistently. “The only thing that would be worse than that book, is if someone wrote a really, really long drawn out narrative about rival sororities and transgender people with a storyline that mirrors what they WISH could have happened to them when they were younger but now don’t have a chance in hell because they’re thirty-three and their family has abandoned them, and they’re in trauma therapy because they’ve tried to kill themselves three times, all the while trying to write something worthwhile that people will love but coming up short every single time because their self-worth is in the shitter and they hate everything about themselves.”

“That was really specific,” Bliss said, blinking. “Anyway, what about parent’s day? What’s bothering you?”

“I’m worried that they’ll find out…what’s been going on,” I sighed.

“And why would they find out?” Bliss frowned.

“I mean…someone could tell them” I phrased it as a question.

“No one is going to tell them,” Bliss assured me. “Look, everyone in Tri Pi who knows risks deactivation at the national level if they tell because honestly, that’s a hate crime. Secondly, GAT…I mean GAT is kind of stupid at times but they would have the same problem and they DON’T want to face any questions from Panhellenic.”

“So you’re really, really sure?” I looked into her eyes pleadingly.

“I am absolutely, positively certain,” Bliss nodded. “Are you okay? You seem really…distant, and it’s not about this, there’s something else bothering you.”

“Bliss, I don’t want to live like this,” I sighed. “I…I don’t want to be…Todd. I don’t want to pretend. I’m pretending, that’s all I’m doing. I want to wear dresses, I want to be girly, I want to be…I…I want to be vulnerable and small and…”

As I spoke, Bliss reached a finger toward my face and wiped my eye with her finger. I guess I’d started to cry. I sniffled a bit and sat up straight, I had to keep my emotions in check. She noticed and stared at me intently with a hint of sympathy in her eyes.

“I don’t know…” I said. “I just…I can’t do that to my parents. They…they…raised a boy. A boy. I feel like I’d be ripping it away from them. I mean they raised me, they did so much for them and I’d just be betraying them. I couldn’t live with myself.”

“Hey,” Bliss squeezed my hand. “I have an old dress I’m getting rid of, do you want to go upstairs and get made up? I think it’ll make you feel better.”

I nodded.

“Alright, let’s go.”

I woke up the following day, stuffed back inside my dorm room with Mason asleep on the other side. As per usual his desk was cluttered with a landfill of energy drinks and food wrappers. I rolled my eyes and threw the blankets aside, hopping on to the floor and wandering to the bathroom to brush my teeth. On the way there I caught a glimpse of my bedside clock; it read 2:25 PM. Wow. I was being a really productive college student, wasn’t I? Thank God it was Saturday.

I brushed my teeth and threw on some clothes, just a blue t-shirt and a pair of shorts; I wasn’t looking to impress anyone, especially going over to Mike’s place. God was I really doing this? Was I actually going to go over to study with Mike? I mean that was the assignment but was it really safe? The last time I’d really had an encounter with him he’d practically tried to rape me at Wal-Mart even though he didn’t know it was me. The time before that, well, he’d nearly killed me. Yesterday though, yesterday he’d seemed perfectly nice; maybe he’d finally realized I wasn’t a threat to his girlfriend or any of his imaginary girlfriends over at the GAT house. Yeah, that could be it, right? Either way I had to get this done. I thought about calling Tiffany or Aleah, maybe telling them where I was going, but I couldn’t bother them with every little thing, right? Plus, I was a big…boy; I could make some decisions by myself. They didn’t have to be involved in EVERY decision I made, right?

Grabbing my phone and wallet, and backpack, I glanced around the room one last time to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything and rushed out onto the balcony. Mike’s dorm was three down from mine, which would have made me uncomfortable if he knew where I lived but as it stood I was pretty safe. A quick walk down the dorm stairs and a brisk jog down the sidewalk, then I was standing in front of Mike’s dorm. His was a little nicer than mine; they always saved the best for the jocks, didn’t they?

Reluctantly, I walked forward, down the concrete path and approached the glass double doors leading into the dorm. Directly inside I could see a display featuring Woodcrest’s mascot, the so-named Angry Beaver, front and center. On one side of the hallway I could see trophies in a glass case, mostly specific to the school I guess. On the right, a bulletin board accompanied by a thin LED screen flashing schoolwide events. The entire entryway felt incredibly clean; it was nothing like my dorm. Here was had a pristine white tile floor reflecting the well lights mounted inside the ceiling, over at my dorm, old gray carpet with flickering fluorescent lights. At least Woodcrest was spending money on the right things.

The next thing I noticed was the working elevator; they had one, my building didn’t. Holy shit did this ever end? I stepped to the wall and pressed the white call button, listening to the machinery behind the massive steel door begin to hum and work its magic. The doors flew open and out stepped a short brunette wearing a brief flared tunic top and a pair of skin-tight blue jeans. I ran my eyes up and down her body, from her tight-fitting top to her black wedges and felt a familiar pang within. God, I wished I could look like that. As I moved my eyes upward, mine locked with hers, she’d seen me staring. She shot me a look of utter disgust before she pushed past me and stormed out of the building, allowing the glass paneled door to slam behind her. I wanted to chase after her. I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t just a pervert, that I was like her, a girl, really truly a girl trapped inside this hulking mess of a male body. I was disgusting, and there was nothing I could do about it. I flashed back to that moment in my life I’d chosen to eat as little as possible; this was why. Exactly this. I couldn’t handle looking like a man. Defeated, I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for Mike’s floor. Moments later I emerged from the elevator and stepped onto the third floor, taking a right and knocking on one of the doors. I waited about five seconds before deciding to turn tail and run, but the handle clicked, the door opened. Olivia stood before me with a rather mute expression on her face.

“Hey Todd,” She said. I immediately noticed she was wearing a very loose white knit sweater, long sleeved. Interesting choice for this weather, and indoors. I looked at her inquisitively, she shot a glare back. “Come on in, I made some wings.”

“Great,” I replied. I got the feeling she wanted me to push past her, but I waited until she led me into the dorm. This one was bigger than mine, it looked like the damn thing actually had bedrooms, and a common area. This was practically an apartment.

“Hey, whattup Todd!” Mike shouted out as he walked toward me, reaching out his hand. I took it, and executed a sort of handshake. I didn’t want to be here, this place was…ugh it was too masculine for me. I hated this. I could see a couch, and in front of it a TV blasting a football game, maybe professional, maybe college. I had no idea. Mike was still wearing that red letter jacket like a security blanket. “So what are we doing where do we get started? You’re the man with the plan here, right?”

Mike waved me over to the couch, I took a seat at the far end, as far away from him as possible. Reaching into my backpack I produced my copy of ‘The Odyssey’, it was a thick paperback version, probably with a few too many pages for Mike to actually read.

“Well,” I said quickly, probably sounded incredibly winded for someone who had just sat down. “Our professor wanted us to examine The Odyssey for examples of how the heroes in our popular fiction aren’t really…heroes. You know, we look up to them, and to us they’re heroes, but they have their own baggage, you see what I’m saying?”

“Why is your hair that long?” Mike asked me as he reached toward the table and picked up what looked like a glass pipe, probably for pot. “Are you some kind of fag? Hey Olivia! Where are those fucking wings?!”

“They’re almost done!” She called back from the kitchen.

“Well hurry the fuck up!” He snapped. “There are hungry men out here!”

Hungry men. Right. I didn’t even want to see a chicken wing.

“Um, anyway,” I restarted. “The point I want to look at is when the Achaeans sailed to the home of Aeolus, he’s the ruler of the winds, you see, and Odysseus had been lost on the sea for years at this point-“

“YEARS?” Mike interrupted, laughing. “How stupid can a person be? Just like, turn the boat around and go home!”

“Well I mean, it’s not that simple,” I explained. “They didn’t have GPS or incredibly accurate maps. The ocean is a big place, and when you have the Goo of the Sea up your ass the whole time, it’s really hard to get anywhere. So anyway, Aeolus gives them a bag of wind that should get them home, and it does, within like ten days they can see Ithaca but this is where Odysseus made his mistake: he didn’t communicate. For being a hero, Odysseus is dense and he didn’t trust his men at ALL. He wouldn’t tell them what was in the bag, so they thought it was gold.”

“Oh hell yeah, I would’ve taken that bag right off of him!” Mike pumped his fist in the air as Olivia set a huge bowl of chicken wings down on the coffee table in front of us. “Babe get us some beers, no, fuck that, get the good stuff!”

I didn’t want beer, and I certainly didn’t want the good stuff, but before I knew it, Olivia had handed Mike a brown flask and a pair of plastic cups, clearly meant to imitate glass. The neck of the bottle made a ‘thud’ as he pressed it against the plastic rim and poured.

“Have a drink,” He said, thrusting the glass toward me.

“You know, I don’t really-“ I started to say.

“What are you, some kind of pussy?” He demanded. “Take a drink, come on.”

I took the cup timidly, pressing my lip together and gulping as I stared at the flat brown drink swishing around in a cup that was miles below the station of what it contained. Holding it to my lips, I tilted the vessel backward and closed my eyes, dreading the moment that it would actually touch my tongue. Finally, it did. The taste wasn’t horrible, I mean, it didn’t tasted great, but it wasn’t the end of the world. The real hell came as the liquid washed down my throat and slammed into the pit of my stomach. My esophagus burned, I choked. Doubling over, I slammed the cup down onto the coffee table and pounded my fist against my chest as my throat was stripped with each oncoming cough.

“Don’t tell me that’s the first time you’ve had whiskey,” Mike shook his head. “God, you’re such a girl. Here, try this.”

I looked up, he was offering me the glass pipe.

“What is that?” I asked between coughs.

“It’s pot, dude,” He laughed. “What kind of college student are you?”

A lame one apparently.

“Here,” He said, “Just take the lighter, like this, hold it up to the bowl and inhale. Easy peasy.”

“Mike,” I said, still barely recovered from the whiskey. “We should really just concentrate on the book, seriously, I don’t—”

“Look,” He said. “You come into my house, you’re going to enjoy my hospitality, now take a puff, come on.”

I didn’t know what to do. Could I just walk out? Would he let me do that? Would I let met do that? Dammit, I just needed to take a puff. I took the lighter from him and held the bowl to my lips, trying not to think about what kind of germs were being transmitted to me right now. Flicking the lighter, I allowed the flames to hit the bowl and inhaled steeply. Two things happened, first I choked on the smoke, that was coming either way. Secondly, the flame from the lighter burned my thumb, I yelped and dropped it onto the floor in front of me; Mike laughed. I didn’t think it was funny at all.

“Okay, try this shit,” He laughed, reaching to the far side of the cluttered coffee table and handing me what looked like a rice crispy treat wrapped in cellophane. “You can’t smoke, you can’t drink, you might as well try this shit, then we can really get started on the book thing.”

“You know what, fine,” I said, really annoyed at this point. My throat was burning, my lungs were on fire, and my eyes were starting to sting. How bad could it be, eating a rice crispy treat? I shrugged and snatched it out of his hand, tearing the wrapper and popping it into my mouth. His eyes went wide as I chewed it.

“Jesus, Todd,” He said. “You’re supposed to eat that like, a little bit at a time, you’ve got some balls on you after all.”

“Okay, getting back to the book,” I said, reaching into my backpack and pulling out a notepad. “The point is that if Odysseus had told his men that the wind was in the bag, then they wouldn’t have opened it, and they would have gotten home.”

“But why should he tell them? Why is it their business?” Mike asked. Surely he wasn’t serious.”

“Okay,” I said. “Look, the point is that Odysseus didn’t tell them, and they all died. As a result. Of it. I mean, like think of it this way. Odysseus was given an opportunity, by a god, of the wind, and he didn’t like, take advantage of the opportunities that the universe was giving him to better himself, and to work his way into better career options.”

Better career options? What the actual hell was I saying?

“So you’re saying he should have just been a pussy and told them. Maybe he should have kicked their asses when they tried to take it from him.”

“He was asleep,” I explained. “When you’re asleep, like, there are just some things you can’t grasp, like a bag of wind is like…a car when you’re asleep, if you sleep with it, someone’s just going to grab it, and drive off with it, and you’re just going to be stuck there with your soccer ball.”

“Are you okay over there?” Mike cocked his head a bit mockingly. “You’re not making any sense.”

“You know…what?” I said, pushing myself away from the couch as my legs collided with the coffee table. I felt the whiskey spill, running off the table and down my leg as I stumbled away from the couch and past Olivia. “I think…I think I should go get some sleep, I feel—”

“Yeah alright,” Mike said. “I don’t understand any of this crap anyway, maybe you should just do the paper.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I should write the paper and…yeah.”

I made my way toward the door, phone in hand but leaving my backpack and the copy of the Odyssey behind. The only thing I remembered was stumbling into the hallway, and after that, nothing.

My eyes cracked open ever so slowly, the world began to materialize around me as I became vaguely aware of my surroundings. I was in a room, on a bed, that much I could tell. My head was pounding, my body absolutely aching; every muscle screamed in horror as I tilted my field of view and tried to take in the room.

“Hello?” I called out as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. The lights were off, but I could see the orange light of dusk caressing the slatted blinds. There was only one bed in the room, seemingly, the rest of the space was filled with cardboard boxes and crates, how weird. I looked to the left and cringed a little as the pounding increased, sitting still for a moment, and squinting, I finally managed to mitigate the pain enough to lay eyes on a bedside table. On it was a glass of water, a pill, and a folded note that had the word ‘Dumbass’ scrawled in capital letters. Missing it the first few times, and nearly dumping the glass of water over, I finally managed to get a grip on the paper and pulled it to my face, struggling more than a bit at unfolding it.

Take the pill, come downstairs

-T

Slowly and carefully I took the pill from the table and chased it with the water, immediately choking and splurting the liquid all over myself, the bed, and probably the wall. I managed to force the pill down nonetheless and squeezed my eyes shut, inhaling and exhaling to reduce the pain I was feeling. Why did my entire body hurt? What the hell had happened? Who cared anyway. I threw the blankets aside and set my feet down on the floor, groaning as I pushed my body upright and moved toward the door. Peeking outside and into the hallway I could immediately tell that I was in the GAT house, but god only knows how I’d gotten here. I pressed onward, walking down a familiar set of stairs and emerging into a living room occupied by Tiffany, Aleah, and Lauren. All three seated on the couch, looked up at me as I stepped forward, rubbing my eyes and becoming very aware that my clothes were soaked with sweat. I must have reeked.

“So um...Olivia texted us,” Lauren informed me. “You fell down the stairs, outside of Mike’s dorm room.”

“You…what…” I started to say, and then I caught Tiffany’s gaze. It was something between a look of sympathy and a glare, I couldn’t tell what she was going for.

“Come here,” She said to me sharply.

“Why?” I asked apprehensively, thinking that now might be a great time to take off running through the back door. I could make it, right?

“Over here, now,” She snapped her fingers, I reluctantly moved toward her, visibly shaking with every single step. I wasn’t sure if she was going to slap me or lecture me, but to my complete and utter shock, she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close and laying my head against her chest. At first I lurched back in surprise, but as her arms held steady I felt the tears begin flow. I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know how I was able to let go but suddenly here, in front of these three I felt more vulnerable than ever before.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”

“Shut up you goof,” She said softly, pulling me down toward the couch. She force me into a sitting position and continued to hold me in place. I wrapped my arms around her waist and melted as she rubbed my back and shushed me. I’d expected her to yell, or scream, or just slap the shit out of me, but instead she held me, I don’t know for how long but she finally loosened her grip and I pulled away slowly, looking up at her through tear stained eyes.

“Audrey,” Aleah said quietly, standing from the couch and moving closer so that she could tower over me. “You can’t do things like this.”

“I’m sorry,” I tried to explain. “It was…an assignment, we were supposed to work together and…he seemed really cool about it and…”

“No one’s mad at you sweetie,” Lauren assured me. “We just need you to be more careful.”

“Way more careful,” Tiffany agreed. “Okay look, when we first…found you upstairs honestly, I kind of hated you but now I kind of tolerate you, so I need you, REALLY need you to be careful.”

“You’re not a GAT sister,” Aleah said to me. “But you’re just as much a part of this house as any of us. You inserted yourself, unwittingly, and we kind of adopted you. Okay so, with that being said, we have something we really want to ask you.”

“You do?” I furrowed my brow. “What…what is it?”

“Okay,” Lauren stepped closer, taking one of my hands in hers. “We’ve been talking about it, and we think you should pledge to GAT.”

“Sorry, what?” I looked up at her, more confused than I ever had been in my entire life.

“Okay, obviously it can’t happen right away,” Aleah butted in. “Our sorority has…guidelines for accepting transgender people but there are a lot of stipulations. You have to be on hormone treatments, you have to live as a woman 24/7, it helps to have your gender marker changed. I mean it sounds like a lot but they want to make sure you’re actually committed to it. So, for a while, maybe for the rest of the year we want you to hang out with us more, learn to…you know, really be a girl. If that’s what you want I mean.”

It was a weird question. Before I’d snuck into this house just over a month ago, that was seriously something I would have wanted. I wanted to be pushed to transition, I wanted to be shown the way. I would never have said it out loud, at least not back then, but I wanted it more than anything. Something was different now, very different. There were so many things going on around me. Mike, Mason, the play, the increasingly heavy burden of school work, you name it. The ultimate question, I guess, was could I really transition during all of this? Could I pull it off? I really didn’t have an answer.

“I…I don’t know,” I admitted. “There’s so much going on, do you think I can really do it right?”

“You seem like a pretty ordinary girl to me,” Tiffany reassured me. “You’re a goober but I think you can pull it off.”

“Maybe…” I said, trailing off a bit and pondering. “I mean, maybe we could wait until Parent’s Day is over, it’s not something that I really want to explain to my mom and dad.”

“That’s a good thought,” Lauren nodded. “Well Parent’s Day is next week so you have plenty of time to think about it.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll think about it I just…I’m worried. I know Mason has to find out someday, and then my parents, or maybe not even in that order. I’m worried about…what people will think, I guess.”

“Okay so here’s the thing,” Aleah told me. “When Olivia texted us we were…worried. The way we would be worried about one of our own sisters. You’ve really grown on us, and we think you’ll be a valuable member.”

“If you can make it past the hazing,” Tiffany snickered.

“She already did once,” Lauren reminded them.

Well then, what did I have to worry about?

“This mall is always so busy,” Mason complained as we pushed out way through the crowd. “You’d think there would be a Gamestop that ISN’T in a mall…somewhere at least.”

“Aren’t you enjoying the social experience?” I joked, squinting in the light pounding through tinted glass far above. My feet pounded softly against the marble below as we walked alongside a glass barrier, the only thing that separated us and the marble two floors below. My shoes were comfortable. I yearned for the tight, forbidding grip of Tiffany’s heels. I reflected back on the first time I’d worn them, a slight grin formed as I remembered the way I’d fallen in front of the refrigerator.

“What’s with you and that?” Mason glanced over at me. The Gamestop was just ahead, across the food court. “You used to be a complete hermit, lately you’ve been talking to people and acting…my god like a normal person. What did those GAT girls do to you?”

I didn’t even realize it, but maybe it was true? Maybe I felt more comfortable talking to people and going out now, and maybe it was because they’d pushed me. Maybe that was a good thing, right?

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Hey you want to stop and get something to eat? I’m a little hungry.”

Mason stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me as if a black cat had just crossed his path.

“What?” I asked him, frowning.

“In all the time I’ve known you,” He said. “I swear those words have never come out of your mouth. You want to EAT?!”

“Well I mean…I guess?” I shrugged. “If it’s too much trouble though.”

“No,” He shook his head. “It’s…not too much trouble it’s just…what did those GAT girls do to you?”

“Nothing,” I reassured him. “I just…mow their lawn.”

“That’s a euphemism for something, right?”

“There are like a billion places to eat,” I craned my neck to see around the crowd. “Which one do we want?”

“Let’s just do fast food,” Mason said conclusively. “We need to eat and get out of here, got a lot to do today, you know?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. When he said ‘a lot to do’ he was referring to our game, Dark Pantheon. Our guild was planning a raid and that should have been exciting, but it really wasn’t. I was caring less and less, the only place I wanted to be was the GAT or Tri Pi house. But then, why was I here? Why was I bothering to keep up appearances? I could end this, right now. I could look at Mason and confess that I was transgender. He would either accept it or react the way Chastity had. Either way I would be free, so why didn’t I do it? I wanted to be free, right?

“Right,” He clapped his hands and moved toward the Burger King on the other side and to the left. “I’m hankering for a Whopper.”

A girl passed by us, draped in a tight orange sundress patterned with cumulus clouds. I closed my eyes for a moment and waited as the pang of sorrow for who I could have been creeped through my conscious mind and stabbed me in the gut. Who I could have been. It was worse lately, so much worse. The pain had always been there really, but I was able to ignore it to an extent. Ever since Tiffany and GAT had shown me what was possible it was just…it was becoming unbearable. I want to be her. I want to be Audrey.

“I want to be Audrey,” I muttered under my breath. My eyes widened as Mason glanced toward me.

“Sorry, what?” Mason asked over the hum of the crowd.

“What? Oh nothing, I was just clearing my throat. Mason looked at me oddly; he’d heard me, he knew what I’d said but for some reason he turned and continued to walk toward the Burger King. I was facing an impossible enemy: me. I had to overcome myself, I had to come out, but I couldn’t. Another girl passed us, I closed my eyes and turned away. Who was I? I was Audrey. No, I was Todd, I had to be Todd.

“What the hell is this?” Mason looked to the floor, I glanced down and noticed he’d tripped on something, a pink backpack.

“Oh just walk around it,” I snapped. “I’m hungry.”

I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to get out of the mall. I wanted out, I had to get out. Mason bent over, reaching downward to grab the backpack by its handle and hoist it upward.

“Well look at that,” He mused. “Has a name on it…Makayla. Hey is there a Makayla around here?!”

I waited in silence for him to either stop screwing around or someone to talk to him and reclaim the backpack.

“Let’s just go,” I said, a quiet exhale escaping my lips.

“We should just open it up and—”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to be dressed like this, I didn’t want to be called Todd. I wasn’t Todd, I was Todd. I wasn’t. I broke with reality; my feet turned toward the exit and took off running, my upper body seemingly a passenger. I thought I heard him call out after me, but his voice was absorbed into the crowd of disembodies ones, making it easier to run really. Yeah, he was everywhere, but I was in control of the situation. He couldn’t stop me. No one could stop me. I couldn’t stop me.

Keep going.

I slipped, my feet sliding across the floor, a harsh impact with the glass railing, and a thud as my body ricocheted back into the crowd. I learn a few curses, a person telling me to watch where I was going, at least one gasp, a female voice asking me if I was okay. I didn’t have time to stop. The world was closing in around me, the exit to the upper level of the parking lot was ahead and stretching further away, the light at the end of the tunnel fleeing in my presence.

Like swimming through molasses I finally pushed my way through the crowd, ducking and dodging until my body pressed through the airlock and blasted into the parking lot. The open air around me depressurized my being, I was free, but I wasn’t done yet. I took a sharp left and made a bee line for a patch of trees off in the distance, beyond the curb at the edge of the parking lot. Jumping the curb and nearly falling again, I breached the treeline and collapsed in a small clearing. A branch smacked my face; I dropped, hands and knees onto bare ground, my strife witnessed by trees, rocks, and the open blue sky. I was alone.

“I’m Audrey,” I spoke to the ground, breathing heavily, my saliva dripping from dry, chapped lips. “I’m Audrey. My name is Audrey, my name is Audrey, oh god.”

I said it, I said it as many times as I could but no matter how many times the words escaped my lips they were lost on the wind. It wasn’t true, it would never be true no matter how many times I said it. I pounded my fist against the dirt, pain shot down my wrists and spread across my closed palms. God dammit no, no I was Audrey.

“Come out Audrey,” I pleaded. “Just let me be you, please.”

“Todd?” Mason’s voice came from behind, I questioned whether it was even real. I turned, dropping onto my butt and supporting my weight with open palms behind me.

“Mason,” I said, gasping for breath. “I…I need to tell you something.”

“You told him you had anxiety?” Melissa raised an eyebrow, her hand poised on the meeting room door. On the other side would be the rest of the main cast, Josh Barnes as Jean Val Jean, Caitlyn Reedy playing Fantine, and a host of other people. The only people who would be missing were the bystanders for the musical numbers. There were about fifty of those, some students, some people from around Woodcrest who fancied themselves aspiring actors. “Are you EVER going to tell him the truth?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “He’s my best friend but…I’m just afraid that if I tell him, he won’t be.”

“Okay question,” Melissa stopped me. “If he isn’t going to be your friend anymore over something like this then was he really your friend to begin with? Is he really worth keeping around?”

“I…” I started to speak but she cut me off rapidly by pulling on the door handle and walking briskly into the conference room which was nothing more than a barebones classroom with theater posters on the wall, from Rent to Phantom of the Opera and everything in between. The walls themselves were bare brick, a stark contrast to the rest of the school and I couldn’t help but wonder if the Bohemian aesthetic was a matter of coincidence or intent. In lieu of desks there as beanbag chairs, recliners, and a few couches, all of which were occupied by cast members. They barely acknowledged us as we walked in, lost in their own conversations or leafing through the script. A few people were scrolling on their phones, though not many. I hurriedly crossed the room and took one of the empty seats on a worn couch next to a blonde girl pouring over the script and drinking from a thermos. The murmuring in the room began to die down as Melissa cleared her throat and surveyed the room.

“Thanks everyone for coming!” She said in her usual upbeat tone. “We’re still missing our Eponine but as always I have total faith that she’s been practicing. If not, we have a backup plan. Okay, so moving on, the biggest problem we’re facing right now is some of the special effects. Um, the sewer scene near the end of the play, we need a working fogger to simulate it and the one we have is broken. So if anyone has a fogger laying around….?”

“I think I have one in my garage,” A guy said. I think he was playing Thénardier in the production. I wasn’t sure though.

“That is AWESOME!” Melissa said enthusiastically. “Okay, so next, I want to introduce everyone to my niece, Leila, she’ll be playing the role of Cosette and she’s very excited!”

From the front row a young brunette girl stood and walked forward, turning around to glance a the room before looking up at Melissa.

“EXCUSE me,” Leila snapped. “You said there would be cookies. I don’t SEE any cookies.”

“Well, acting is its own reward,” Melissa said, smiling. “And you’re excited, right?”

“I want my damn cookies!” Leila stomped before storming out of the room.

“I have lots of faith in my niece, she’ll make a perfect Cosette,” Melissa reassured us as the door slammed. “Okay so before we get on to the script reading, do we have any questions?”

I raised my hand. I don’t know why I was doing it, I just knew I had to. It had to be done, right now. The sense of despair permeating my very core was too much to bear. My stomach lurched as Melissa turned to me and smiled.

“Yes, Todd?” She asked. All eyes were on me, there was no turning back now.

“I um…have…something to say,” I almost whispered.

“Well why don’t you come up here?” She motioned to me. Everyone was still staring at me, I felt like I was under a microscope but it would have been even stranger if I’d just said ‘never mind’ and sat back down. I exhaled heavily and stood from the couch, walking forward to the front of the room. A quick glance over at Melissa revealed a look of concern but also support, her hazel eyes regarded me softly and I wondered if she knew what I was about to do. Probably not, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes for a moment before speaking. Keeping my gaze firmly on the floor, I finally spoke.

“Hey…everyone, um…you know me as um…Todd, and um…I’ve been here for a few weeks, practicing with you to um…play an extra, I guess. So I…well…I just want to introduce myself…again,” I folded my hands in front of me, squeezing my fingers and playing with them over and over as I tried to push back the anxiety that was filling up behind my eyes, like a pool reaching maximum capacity. I needed to say it, I just needed to say it. Come on god dammit, say it. “My…my…name is…I’m…”

Amidst my stammering and fidgeting I felt a warmth in my hand, a softness. I slowly looked to my right and saw Melissa taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. She gave me a look of encouragement, and it may have helped, but I couldn’t tell the difference.

“My name…is Audrey and…I’m…I’m going to be playing a girl in the play…”

I’d said it. The words had left my mouth, there was no taking them back now. The die for public humiliation had been cast and as silence hung over the room, I dreaded the fate that was about to be bestowed upon me. I waited, and waited, but it was Melissa who spoke first.

“Audrey,” She said softly, her hand still firmly grasping mine. “This isn’t just a theater class, we’re a family here and you’re part of it. If you say you’re Audrey, then you’re Audrey, and no one here is going to attack you or give you a hard time over it.”

“That’s right,” The girl who I had been sitting beside said, standing up. “You’re one of us, whether your name is Todd, or Audrey, or…anything else. You’re safe with us.

The rest of the room murmured in agreement, I looked to Melissa who was now regarding me with a huge smile.

“I’m so proud of you,” She said, wrapping me in a hug that warmed me to the core. “We’ll make his work, you’re going to be yourself, or at least a girl in the play. I promise.”

“And if anyone has a problem with it,” Brandon Reynolds, one of the other actors stood up wearing a French military hat. “ Then let them answer to Javert!”

The silence held for a moment, and then, finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I burst out laughing along with the rest of the room. Melissa released me as members of the theater class came forward to embrace me and give words of encouragement. I had expected this to go so badly, but instead, this was the best I’d ever felt in my life. I wasn’t out to Mason, or the rest of the world, but here in this room, I was Audrey, and for right now that was enough. All was right with the world.

In my dreams I’m a boy. Just a boy like any other. I want to be a girl, I want it so badly. I want to be Audrey, I want it with every fiber of my being, but it’s a reality that I can never hope to manifest. In my dreams I try to be a girl, I try to wear the clothes, do the makeup, change my voice, but the makeup melts, the body hair regrows in torrents, my voice deepens. I am living in a nightmare and it’s only gotten worse as of late. Even in the subconscious realm I cannot escape what society dictates I should be. In my dreams, the enemy wears my face.

I awakened with a start, sweating heavily and shaking. I was in my dorm room, sunlight creeping through the closed blinds, the Dark Panthon logo screen glowing dimly from the other side of the room. We’d put in an all nightery and still I managed to wake up before Mason. The first thing I did, as always, was reach for my phone right beside my pillow. 10 new notifications; I wasn’t the most popular person was I? There was an e-mail from the GAT mailing list, something about a meeting. They’d added me to it a while ago, I never attended the meetings. The second notification was from Mr. Stenson, my l literature teacher. Oh, shit.

‘Todd – I need to see you, stop by my classroom at 3:30 PM.’

Of course, I’d never finished the stupid paper on ‘The Odyssey’. My eyes wandered up to the corner of the phone. 3:15 PM. Of course it was. I flew out of the bed and slammed face first into the front door. I swore that next year we were going to get a bigger dorm. Grabbing nothing but my phone and wallet, I fled from the room still in my pajamas. I made a beeline from the dorm to building A13 which, by the way, wasn’t that far from my place. I was out of breath by the time I reached the classroom, Mr. Stenson was in his usual spot, at his desk near the front.

“Todd,” He said rather flatly. “I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

“Well I love a dramatic entrance,” I shrugged as I made my way to the front of the classroom.

“And a dramatic drop in your grade point average,” He pointed to a paper sitting on his desk, it was a spreadsheet, my name sitting at the top in bold. “Your GPA has held pretty steady all year, so this is interesting to me. You’ve started to drop, badly, not just in my class but in all of your other classes. I think you’re a pretty good student, brilliant really, so this doesn’t seem like you. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

How I wished I could tell him what was going on.

“I um…I guess I’ve been distracted,” I shrugged. “I missed the Odysseus assignment, I guess.”

“Yes, you did, and honestly I was looking forward to your paper but the fact is, you’ve missed three assignments. By all rights I should fail you, and all of your other teachers are thinking the same. Unless there’s a drastic change you’re not going to make it through this semester. Now, that isn’t something we want to do. I recognize potential when I see it, I’ve notice you’re acting in the Les Miserables production, not exactly the behavior of a slacker so I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt here.”

“What…what do you mean?” I asked. I had to pass this class, I had to pass every one of my classes; I couldn’t tell my parents that they’d paid for me to go to college just to have me flunk out. I could never show my face at home again. Oh hell, parent’s week was coming up, they’d find out even sooner.

“What I mean is you need to make up this assignment, and you need to make up the last two that you missed. You should consider yourself lucky, I would fail most anyone else but…frankly I don’t want to see a promising student fail out of Woodcrest over personal issues. I can tell there’s something going on, and while I don’t expect you to tell me what it is, I do expect you to resolve it and get your mind back where it belongs: on your schoolwork.”

“I’ll try,” I said, nodding. “I mean I’ll get the assignment done, but I’ll try to resolve my…personal problems.”

“See that you do,” He nodded. “The Odyssey assignment is due at 5 PM next Tuesday.”

“Alright, thanks,” I said as I turned to leave. I pressed out into the hallway and exited the building. I was failing. I was failing school and there was really nothing I could do about it. What was I supposed to do? If I failed, I wouldn’t be here anymore, and my relationship with the GAT and Tri Pi houses had helped me more with my transition than anyone else. If I left this place, if I went back home, I would backslide. Had I really made any progress though? I was still me, I was still this…guy. The only difference was that people here, they knew who I was. Some of them. I was accepted by girls at GAT and Tri Pi, in their eyes I was a girl and that made all the difference in the world. I sighed and pulled out my phone, pulling up Tiffany’s number.

“Sup?” She answered. She sounded distracted, which was par for the course with her.

“I’m failing out of college,” I said bluntly. The line went silent for a moment.

“Okay,” She said as if she’d heard this line a million times. “Get a list of the assignments you need and meet me at the GAT house in an hour, we’re going to see if we can fix this.”

I felt like she understood the situation, maybe she didn’t want me to leave either. The line went dead; she did that a lot when she was ‘done talking’. Getting a list of the assignments was easy enough; all I had to do was look at the student portal and pull up past assignments; anything I’d missed would be highlighted in read. There was probably a lot of red.

As I prepared to cross the street and head to the GAT house it hit me again. Dysphoria. Heavier this time; I didn’t know what was causing it, I’m sure it didn’t matter. A sledgehammer to the face, a punch in the gut, a longing to be someone I could never be and a wave of uncontrollable despair, dragging me into a sea of my own self-loathing. My vision swam and my gaze was lost in the scenery of passing cars. I just had to step out there, just a few steps and it would be over. I would never have to feel this way again, I could…be free. Why didn’t I? What would it matter? I wouldn’t feel much pain, and then it would just fade to blackness. I wouldn’t know anything, I wouldn’t feel anything, I wouldn’t need to BE anything.

“Please let me be you,” I whispered again to Audrey, buried somewhere deep inside. “Tell me how to do this.”

I snapped out of it, the pain was still there, ever rampant in my soul, but I was alive. I knew it, though. I knew that I wouldn’t be alive for long. I had to come out, I had to transition, or I wouldn’t live to see the end of the year.

I arrived at the GAT house maybe an hour later, laptop in hand, noticing immediately that there were a few extra cars parked on the curb. That was a little odd considering the house had parking in the back, were they having a party or something? I shrugged it off and pushed through the gate, making my way toward the porch. A quick trip the creaky steps ended in me standing before the white door which I’d seen so many times in the last month and a half. I knock lightly, as always, probably hoping somewhere deep inside that the door wouldn’t open. But it did, it always did. Lauren stood before me, wearing her usual tight cami covered with an open collared shirt, both of which framed her body perfectly. I was concerned, really concerned that whenever I saw another girl now I found myself checking out her outfit before I even looked at HER.

“Did you bring everything?” Lauren asked me, craning to see the laptop under my shoulder. “Do you have it all on there?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I can just get onto the student portal to find the missing assignments and I have a few of the documents on my computer, I can share them with you over One Drive if we need to.”

“Okay great,” Lauren nodded as she led me into the house. “We’re set up in the conference room, we can tackle the assignments one by one, it shouldn’t take more than a few hours.”

“Wait,” I frowned. “You’re ALL helping with this?”

“Yep,” Tiffany stepped out from the kitchen and joined us as we walked toward the back of the house. “We’re all going to help you fix this little problem, it’s kind of cheating but we think your um…life here is a little more important than some bullshit paper you probably could have aced anyway.”

I started to mutter at least a word of thanks as Tiffany threw the conference door open but I was immediately ushered in by Isabella who directed me to an empty seat. Aleah was nowhere to be seen but Courtney and Liz were here.

“H’okay,” Courtney said, clearing her throat. “We need to start with um…the Odysseus paper. It’s going to be pretty easy to write, I did it last year. Basically you’re trying to show that the ‘hero’ of a story isn’t always the ‘hero’.”

“Wait,” Tiffany said, probably feigning confusion. “You’re telling me people write books where the hero is the bad guy?”

“Uh, kinda,” Courtney nodded as she took a seat at the conference table and opened her own laptop. “Like…take Dune for example, Paul is portrayed as a revolutionary but if you look at the deeper meaning, he’s really just a ‘white savior’ type that appropriated an entire culture to get revenge on the guy that killed his daddy.”

“Ya’ll are a bunch of nerds,” Tiffany rolled her eyes.

“Audrey, please focus on your paper,” Courtney told me. “Lauren and I will work on the other two. This shouldn’t take long.”

I plugged away at the keyboard for what seemed like hours, but every time I would glance at the clock it had only been five to ten minutes. Every once in a while I would look up from my keyboard to see Courtney staring at me and motioning for me to get back to work. Tiffany sat in silence at the head of the table staring at an iPad and occasionally, poking at her own laptop. I wondered what she was doing but I felt like if I stood up to look I would get thrashed, for starters. So, I continued until the paper was done, it really didn’t take long.

“Okay, I can send this over to Mr. Stenson,” I said, saving the document one more time.

“Proofread it,” Tiffany said, still staring at her own screen. I sighed and went back to the top of the document, working my way down and fixing a few spelling errors as I went.

“Okay,” I heard Courtney say from beside me. “I made this different enough from the paper I did last year I think, and I’ve pretty much emulated Audrey’s writing style-“

“How do you know my writing style?” I turned to look at her incredulously.

“Um, we’ve all read your forum posts from the Transgender Hope site, and any texts you send us are basically books. I know how you write.”

I turned bright red, there were no words sufficient to convey my embarrassment. I looked back to my own computer, trying to avoid Courtney’s piercing stare, and then I started to look back to Tiffany to ask her if was okay to send my own paper in. Just as I opened my mouth, the conference room door opened and another girl stuck her head in.

“Hey Tiffany, there’s some girl here to see you, not sure who she is, or whatever,” The girl said before stepping out again, leaving the door open.

“Not like I don’t have things to do,” Tiffany muttered as she closed her laptop and stood up. She pushed her chair back and walked out towards the living room. I listened for a moment, and then I heard her practically shout: “What the fuck are you doing here?”!

I looked back at Courtney and Lauren who both shrugged. We immediately stood from the table and began our walk to the living room; whatever the drama was, we weren’t going to miss it. I went first, emerging from the conference room and into the tiny hallway that led into the dining room area. As I emerged into sight of the living room I heard it, a voice that I never expected to hear again.

“I came here to work things out with you TIFFANY,” Chastity, my ex-girlfriend said snobbishly. “I think if we just talk it out we can – wait, what the hell is HE still doing here?”

Tiffany turned to look at me, Chastity glared at me. I stood there with a lump in my throat.

“Chastity, we agreed you wouldn’t come back here,” Tiffany folded her arms. “At this point you’re harassing one of my friends. If you keep coming back here we can file a trespass order and make sure you stay a hundred yards away from the house at all times. I don’t feel like doing it, and I’m sure you don’t want it on your record so-“

“NO!” Chastity practically screamed and stomped her foot. “You and I were friends and then…HE came up with this trans crap. He’s lying to you, he’s a liar! What is it, Todd? Did you read about being transgendered online and use it to get close to them? They’re not going to fuck you, Todd, they want real men, not men that pretend to be sissies, you’re pathetic.”

Her words weren’t true but they cut deep nonetheless. Yeah, we’d broken up but she was still someone I loved, despite how she was treating me right now. I turned to the right and pretended to look at my phone; I couldn’t let her see me cry.

“Oh, what, you’re just going to ignore me you tranny piece of shit?!” Chastity began to storm toward me, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Tiffany and Lauren literally grab her by the arms and pull her back. “Get off of me!”

“Chastity you’re…going to have to go,” Tiffany said firmly. “You’re not welcome here anymore, stop harassing us, stop harassing her or I’ll go to the police.”

“Oh, you know what?” Chastity shook free of Tiffany and Lauran, glaring at me and stomping toward the front door. “You’re ALL going to have problems, ALL of you in about a day, I swear to god. This little…thing you have going? It’s over. I’m going to DESTROY you, and I’m going to end your little game, Todd. Just wait, just FUCKING wait!”

With that, she slammed the front door, and we heard an angry shriek from the front walk as she exited the property. There was a brief moment of silence and finally, Tiffany looked up at me and spoke as if nothing had happened.

“Get the paper turned in.”

“Todd Remeika?” The therapist called, poking her head out the door just enough to see into the waiting room.

“Uh, yeah, that’s…me,” I nodded, not moving from my chair. I could hear the muscles in the necks of every other patient creaking as they turned to look at me. Oh, right, yeah, I was supposed to get up. I stood up from the chair, straight as a shot and dropped my phone on the floor. Picking it up, I jetted across the floor and nearly slammed into the therapist who was now holding the door open just enough for me to get through.

“Hi Todd,” She said, walking down a long hallway toward her office. I followed her nervously, playing tossing my phone from hand to hand. “My name is Mary Roudebush, It’s great to meet you, why don’t we have a seat in here?”

“Uh, yeah,” I blurted out, passing through a door and emerging into an office of sorts, one with a desk and a few chairs. I stood in the middle of the room like an idiot, waiting for her to tell me what to do.

“Oh! You can sit down,” She said with a smile. “Just pick whichever chair you’re comfortable with.”

She was older than me, probably mid-thirties with long but thinning blonde hair and a pair of black rimmed glasses. She was dressed casually, but everything about her screamed ‘professional’ and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit intimidated. I plopped down in the chair nearest the wall and folded my hands, my foot involuntarily tapping the floor.

“You seem a little nervous,” She said to me, sitting across in the other chair. She was the therapist that Kari and Sakiya had recommended, but she didn’t know a thing about me honestly. I didn’t know how I was going to blurt this out. “What brings you in today?”

“Um…I guess I…I just wanted to talk about…my life,” I said, biting my lower lip and looking around at the four walls surrounding us. Jesus why was I so nervous?

“Well,” She told me. “I want you to know that everything you tell me in here is in confidence, so please, feel free to tell me what’s on your mind, or we could just talk, it’s really up to you.”

“So we can talk about anything, and no one will ever know?” I looked at her nervously, I didn’t quite believe it.

“That’s what therapy is,” She smiled. “So why don’t we start simply. Tell me about yourself.”

“Well um…” I stuttered a little bit, I wasn’t sure where I should be going with this. “My name is…Todd and…I…well I go to college at Woodcrest University. I’m studying to be…well my major is English, I’m not sure where I’m going with that, I’m transgender, I really like video games, I play Dark Pantheon with my best friend, we’re roommates, we share a dorm. Oh, my girlfriend recently broke up with me…there really isn’t much to me.”

“I see,” She nodded. “Well you said a lot there, but I feel like there’s only one topic you really want to talk about today.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “I…I mean it’s really hard for me to say it out loud but…I’ve…I’ve always felt like a girl and lately things have gotten…difficult.”

“Difficult, how?”

“I guess…I mean…I was able to just…ignore it before. I could…just be a guy and everything was fine. I wanted to be a girl but…it didn’t consume my life.”

“And now?”

“It’s just…it hurts. I need to be Audrey, that’s…my name. My real name I mean. I need to be her all the time and I can’t…I can’t figure out how.”

“Okay,” She said, typing a few things into a laptop sitting on her desk. “I think we’re missing part of the story here. You said you were fine being a guy for a while, but suddenly things changed. I think we need to figure out what changed. Did something happen in your life?”

“I…kinda?” I didn’t know if I should tell her this, but this was all confidential, right? “This is…going to sound really bad, like really really bad but…I…broke into the GAT house and…sort of stole a dress.”

“You broke INTO the GAT house? As in Gamma Alpha Tau?” Mary regarded me with a look of panic, as if someone had walked over her grave. “Oh my god, Audrey, they…um, you know last year, a guy broke in and their president just attacked him with a melon baller; he underwent plastic surgery in the hospital.”

“I guess…they liked me?” I shrugged. “I mean they were going to ruin my life, they had pictures of me in the dress and…they were going to send it to all of my contacts but…I guess they found…my trans stuff, like the forum I visit, and stuff, on my phone and…”

“You’re telling me Gamma Alpha Tau let you off because of that?” She raised an eyebrow. “Are you being completely honest with me right now?”

“I…yeah and…they’ve helped me a lot…I haven’t really been able to go outside as myself…except for once but…I think they’re helping me be more…confident.”

I couldn’t believe I was saying all of this, the things I was telling her? Basically my most well-guarded secrets for my entire life, but here I was, spilling it all.

“How long have you known that you were transgender?” She turned back to her laptop to type in some notes, glancing up at me periodically.

“I guess since I was about six, I was sitting with my mom in our car before school, I was in kindergarten and I remember asking her, ‘Mom, am I a boy or a girl?’ and she said: ‘You’re my beautiful little boy’. I mean, it’s obvious she wants to be the mother to a…boy…and…I mean, if I come out to her, then I’ve killed that, I’ve taken it from her. I keep thinking that it might be better to just…keep it all in. I can live with the pain, I can push through it but my mom, and my dad, they already raised a girl, they don’t need another one, you know?”

“I think that maybe you shouldn’t be thinking about what they need,” Mary suggested. “Maybe you should be thinking about what you need and what would be best for you in the future. The question is, what do YOU want to do?”

“I want to transition,” I admitted. “Every time I see a girl in public I wish I could BE her. It hurts, it hurts that I really can’t. I feel like…like I’ll never look like that, like I’ll always look like this. I want to come out to everyone but my parents and…my best friend, Mason, I don’t want to lose them. I just…feel like I’m not going to make it if I don’t…if I don’t transition, if I don’t be who I really am.”

“Alright,” Mary nodded. “So you’re saying you want to start hormone replacement therapy?”

“I guess…yes…” I nodded. “How do I do that? How do I get started?”

“Well here’s the thing,” Mary said. “To be approved for hormones you need a letter from your therapist, that would be me, but before I write that letter I’m going to need a few things from you. First of all, you’re not presenting female, at all. I need to know that you want this, so I’m going to ask that you present as a woman in public for at least twelve months, and then we can revisit the letter. In the meantime, I want you to come see me twice a month, it’s entirely possible that you’ll change your mind within the next year and I don’t want you to make any decisions that you’ll regret.”

“But wait,” I frowned. “I already know I’m trans, I already KNOW this is what I want to do, why do we have to wait? Why can’t I just get the letter now?”

“This is a very serious, very life changing decision,” She pointed out to me. “You need to be sure you’re ready, and I need to be sure you’re ready. We’ll work our way up to it.”

“Alright,” I hung my head, defeated. “I guess we should make our next appointment then.”

This had gone far worse than I’d expected, and parent’s day was coming up. I couldn’t present as myself until after they’d left. What kind of a mess was I in? I left Mary’s office feeling like I’d made zero progress in an uphill battle and it was only going to get worse.

I took a deep breath and pushed out through the door of my dorm, it was the day I’d been dreading for weeks, at least since I’d had time to think about life after the initial GAT house incident. My parents were in town, actually they were waiting for me in the quad. I checked my phone, it was 10:15 in the morning, I had seventy-five missed messages from the GAT chat, and one missed message from Sakiya. She really liked checking up on me.

Emerging into the brisk morning air, I took a left and made my way toward the stairs, slightly jealous of the working elevator in the dorm building just a few hundred yards from mine. Still, I needed to be thankful for what I had, for what I DID have anyway. I had to be Todd today, for my parents. I couldn’t slip up. Of course the notion that I WOULD slip up was a bit stupid, after all, there was no reason for them to suspect anything, right? Right.

The trip the ground floor was shorter than I remembered; probably because I was dreading actually seeing them. It would be weird, seeing them face to face and pretending that everything was normal; they didn’t even know how close I’d come to stepping into traffic the other day. God this was going to hurt but I had to push on, they needed to see me, they needed to know I was okay, even if I was far from okay. As I walked down the sidewalk, crossing a parking lot toward the commons, I felt my phone buzz. A text from Aleah to the entire GAT house: Everyone get to the house ASAP – YOU TOO AUDREY. I really didn’t have time for that today. I could see them across the quad, sitting there at one of the stone picnic tables.

“Hey guys,” I said as I approached, they immediately rose from the table, my mom hugged me, my dad offered a firm handshake.

“We’ve missed you sweetie,” My mom said, with a look of concern painting her face. “You still don’t call!”

“Well,” I forced a laugh. “You could always call me, like I said.”

“It’s true,” My father confirmed. “We haven’t done our part there, but we also aren’t staying long.”

“You’re not?” I looked at them confused. “It’s kind of a parent’s week thing, you can stay if you want.”

“We know, sweetie,” My mother smiled. “But we also know you have a life here, you left home, you’re on your own, you’re doing things and we’re not going to get in the way.”

“Well I mean…” I stopped myself short. Who really wants to tell their parents that they don’t want them around? I looked around the quad, seeing all of the other students speaking with their own parents, it was kind of a big event but I was secretly grateful. I was in no condition to spend a long period of time with either of them, it would be a huge relief if they left, actually. “If that’s what you want to do…”

“We have plenty of sightseeing planned,” My mom said proudly. “Plus, we need to stop by the East Campus and see your sister. Speaking of which, she says you haven’t talked to her much either. What are you doing these days?”

“Well um, you know,” I sighed a little as I searched for the correct words, whatever they were. “I’ve been studying, and hanging out with Mason.”

“Oh yeah, Mason,” My father mused. “How is Mason these days?”

They never approved of Mason, even when we were in high school he was supposedly a bad influence. He’d managed to get his hands on more than one bottle, though now I was starting to understand why he drank, why he stayed up l ate, why he became lost in Dark Pantheon. He was looking for an escape from life, maybe the escape I would need to find for myself eventually, if things continued to go downhill. From the corner of my eye I noticed Mike, still married to the red letter jacket, but sitting on one of the concrete benches near the edge of the quad, waiting for someone perhaps. Absent from the quad were literally any of the GAT members, I guess they were at that house meeting, whatever it was about.

“Well he…games a lot,” I shrugged.

“That boy never changes,” My mom rolled her eyes. “Anyway, we’ve made a reservation over at Weir’s – we figured you needed to get away from the ramen, just for a little while.”

If I’d actually beet eating a lot of ramen then I might have been defensive but I hadn’t really been eating much of anything at all unless Tr Pi or GAT insisted.

“So…where are you guys parked?” I craned my neck, looking at the parking lot beyond the quad.

“Oh, right over here,” My dad, slapped me on the back as we began walking “I just want you to know son, I’m proud of you, Woodcrest is a great school, you’re pursing your dream and you’re getting a chance to be who you really are, that’s really something.”

Oh Jesus Harambe Christ.

“Yeah Dad,” I nodded. “I’ve been doing really well here, this is a great school.”

I sounded like a god damn poster ad for Woodcrest. We passed the rest of the ride in relative silence, mom pointing out landmarks every once in a while, my dad commenting on hotspots they wanted to visit tomorrow. They had an entire day planned without me. Thank god. Finally, my dad turned into Weir’s, which was arguably the most expensive steakhouse in town. That wasn’t saying much, Woodcrest wasn’t exactly upscale, it never had been.

As we pulled into the parking lot I gulped a bit seeing Tiffany’s blue Mercury Milan parked up front, was she here? Of course she was here, that was her car. Jesus, I hoped she didn’t talk to me or anything, how would I explain that to my parents? Why was I even worrying about explaining it to my parents? It wasn’t like they knew who Tiffany was, or anything about GAT.

We stepped inside the restaurant, my dad asked for a table for three and we were summarily led deeper into the restaurant. Stepping beneath dim, stained-glass covered lights, I spotted Tiffany sitting with her own parents off in the distance. I don’t think she noticed me but it was unsettling that she was here nonetheless. Even more unsettling was that she’d apparently ignored Aleah’s text, just like me. As we were led to our table by an over-enthusiastic server, I felt my phone buzz again in my front pocket. Aleah was really in a mood, wasn’t she?

“Wow, would look at all these options?” Dad stared at the menu, his eyes lit up like a ten year old child in a department store just before Christmas.

“Can I start you off with something to drink?” The waitress asked, still looking at us with that same enthusiastic expression even though the restaurant was packed.

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I’ll um…I’ll have a water.”

“Oh nonsense,” My mother laughed. “We can afford soda you know.”

“Yeah but-“

“He’ll have a coke,” Dad shook his head. “We all know you love coke.”

Yeah, I know, they could afford coke. Not like I needed it.

“You need it,” Mom insisted. “You’re skinny as a beanpole, put some weight on!”

“I’ll take a coke as well,” My dad nodded to the waitress. “I think Jen will have the same?”

“Well son,” My dad said. “Tell us everything, how’s school going? How’s Chastity?”

“Um, well,” I swallowed. “Chastity and I…have decided to see other people.”

“Oh that’s horrible!” Mom interrupted. “Is everything okay? What happened? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It’s uh…fine,” I nodded. “We just…we decided that we’re not right for eachother, you know? But we’re still friends.”

“Well that’s understandable,” My dad said in his ever reassuring voice. “You’re not in high school anymore, you’re in a new place, time to stretch your legs, see what else is out there.”

“Right,” I agreed. “We’re…just…checking out our options.”

“What about class? How’s dorm life? Have you made any new friends?” My mom smiled as she glanced at the menu.

“Yeah,” Tiffany said. “Have you made any new friends?”

I nearly jumped out of my seat, actually I nearly shat myself right there. I looked up, startled at Tiffany who was standing over our table, grinning.

“Jesus, Tiffany!” I practically shouted. “I’m a little busy here!”

“Oh too busy to introduce me to your parents?” She plopped down in the chair next to me. “I just met Todd this year and I have to tell you he is FASCINATING. You’re his parents?”

“Oh wow, hi, yes,” Mom nodded, smiling and offering her hand, which Tiffany shook. “And you are?”

“Uh, mom,” I gulped. “This is…Tiffany, she’s a friend of mine…”

“Oh, a new girlfriend already?” Dad teased. I turned bright red.

“No, no, no,” I said insistently, waving my hands in front of me. Tiffany raised an eyebrow and grinned. The waitress returned with our drinks and asked us if we were ready to worder.

“Um, yeah,” I said. “I’ll just...have the house salad-“

“Todd will have a the Weir Burger,” Tiffany cut me off. “Medium rare, pickles, onions, and mayo.”

Okay, so Tiffany knew what I would have liked if I were actually ordering what I wanted. What a creepy bitch.

“Look at you!” Mom smiled. “Looking out for our little boy and making sure he eats!”

“Some days, I think Todd needs a feeding tube,” Tiffany laughed.

“I’ll have the New York Strip steak,” My mom told the waitress. “Medium well, if you don’t mind.”

“And I’ll have the Porter house,” Dad nodded. “I want it rare. I want it to bleed like a newborn calf going through a paper shredder.”

“You’ve got it!” The waitress smiled, ever so cheerfully again. “We’ll get that right out to you!”

“So Todd,” Tiffany said, pointing to the phone in my pocket. “You got that right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I got the text.”

“After you’re done here, get over there.”

“Oh?” What’s going on?” Mom asked. “Is it a school project?”

“Uh, yeah,” I nodded. “It’s a theater thing…I’m…in this production of Les Miserables, so is Tiffany. She’s playing Eponine.”

“Oh that’s amazing!” Mom said. “I loved Les Miserables when I was a child. The story of Jean Val Jean and Cosette, just amazing!”

“I tend to prefer Terminator,” My dad joked.

Tiffany silently stood from the table and made her way back to her own family on the other side of the restaurant.

“So, son,” My mom said, reaching out to take my hand. “Your father and I have something to tell you, something important. We’ve…been wanting to do this for a while, but we waited until you were out of the house and on your own, so maybe it won’t affect you as much now.”

“What?” I laughed. “Are you renting my room out as an Air B&B?”

“No son,” Dad said. “Your mom and I are getting a divorce.”

“You took your sweet time getting here,” Aleah said to me sharply as I walked through the front door of the GAT house. There were about twenty girls sitting in the living room all of them with varying levels of annoyance written on their faces. Why were we here? What was going on?

“I walked as slowly as I could,” I snapped back. She rolled her eyes and pointed to an empty chair across from Tiffany.

“Okay, now that EVERYONE is here,” She said, glaring in my direction. “Let’s get to work on our little problem.”

“Wait, what problem?” I sat down and surveyed the room, most everyone was looking at me. I was starting to get really, really worried. “What did I do?”

“It isn’t something you did,” Aleah sighed. “Okay, everyone, I’ve called this meeting because Audrey’s ex made good on her stupid threat, whatever her threat was supposed to be. The situation is this: She’s called Panhellenic and told them that we’ve been allowing a boy to live in the house.”

There was an audible gasp throughout the room, clearly it was news to many of them, and especially me.

“Don’t panic,” Lauren stood up to address all of us. “Seriously, don’t panic, it’s not going to help anyone right now. Panhellenic is sending a representative out here and they’re going to question all of us, so…all we need to do is get our story straight.”

“Wait,” I blurted out, turning bright red as everyone in the room turned to look at me. “What…what are you going to tell them? You can’t just-“

“We’re going to tell them the truth, Audrey,” Tiffany told me softly. “We’re going to tell them that we’ve been helping you with your transition, and that we’re hoping to bring you on as a pledge next year. National will love it, we’re being inclusive, we’re helping you. We’ll be fine.”

“No wait wait, wait,” I shook my head and gripped the armrests. “It’s…it’s enough that Tri Pi knows, and you guys know but…I can’t have this getting around. What if more people find out? I…I don’t want this to happen, you can’t do this.”

“Sorry, Audrey,” Aleah stood and stepped toward me. “This isn’t about you anymore, this is about the survival of our chapter. If they think we’re keeping a guy in here, they’re going to shut us down, and then what?”

“Yeah but-“

“No buts!” Courtney interrupted. “Panhellenic isn’t going to spill your secret, they’ll just come here, they’ll do an investigation, everyone will tell them the truth, and it’ll be over with. Then we can go on with our lives like nothing happened.”

“No,” I shook my head. “No, no, other people could find out, I don’t want them to know. Seriously, there has to be another way.”

“Jesus, Audrey, calm down,” Tiffany rolled her eyes. “If anything this is going to help you. If Panhellenic already knows about you and knows that we’ve been working with you, then it’ll be a lot easier for you to get in next year. A LOT easier than if you’d just appeared out of the blue. Do you want to join GAT?”

“I…I do,” I nodded. I really did. I loved the idea of being part of a sorority and as crazy as it sounded, GAT had sort of become like family to me over the last few weeks. Yeah, that did sound crazy after everything they’d done, didn’t it? “I just…I’m afraid.”

A silence fell over the room, I had nothing more to say really, and I guess they were trying to figure out what they wanted to say to me. Tiffany, laid an arm on the rest of her chair and stared at me from across the room. Aleah, looked down at her phone for a moment and then let out a sigh.

“Our Panhellenic investigator will be out here…tomorrow,” She laid the phone down on the endtable beside her chair. “I guess they want to get this over with fast. Go figure.”

“Then,” Lauren clapped her hands. “I want to make sure everyone is clear on what we’re doing. The investigator isn’t going to just talk to us as a group, she’ll separate us and try to get us to say something different. She wants to catch us in a lie. There are like, too many of us to pull off a large scale coverup, someone is going to slip up, so what you tell her is that we met Audrey a few weeks ago, she wanted help with transitioning, and we obliged.”

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Aleah shook her head.

“We can’t really get away with this, can we?” A girl asked from the other side of the room. “I mean, you let Audrey stay here a few nights, that’s against the rules, we’re going to get found out.”

“Not if you don’t say anything,” Aleah pointed out. “We’re all here, and that’s the one thing all of us need to agree on: Audrey has never stayed the night here, Audrey has never posed a threat to the house, and we haven’t hurt Audrey in any way. Now, we need to practice, make sure we all line up, because-“

“No way,” Another girl said, standing up. “I can’t do this. This is more than just our charter, if this gets back to the dean we could all be expelled, I can’t be a part of this.”

“Then leave,” Aleah snapped. “But don’t screw it up for everyone else.”

“I’m with her,” A redhead stood up. “You’ve taken this way too far, we’re going to get hosed.”

“I’m sorry, Audrey,” A blonde girl, Erika I think, said to me. “I like you, a lot, but I’m not going to risk my education. My parents would kill me.”

“You’re all being over-dramatic,” Tiffany rolled her eyes. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“You attacked her, you tied her up, and you’ve been basically manipulating her for weeks,” Erika said. “So what if she tells them that?”

“I’d never say that!” I suddenly shouted. “Oh my god who do you think I am?! We all played a part in this! It’s my fault, it’s your fault, it’s everyone’s fault, and it’s fucking unfortunate but-“

“Audrey, calm down,” Aleah instructed me. “I have a plan, it’s going to work, we just have to stick to it.”

“I’m sorry, but no,” Erika stood and walked toward the stairs. “I’m getting my stuff, and I’m leaving. I can’t be a part of this anymore.”

“Same for me,” Another girl said, following Erika toward the stairs.

“I’m sorry,” Someone else said.

All in all, ten girls, stood and left the room, off to their own rooms to pack.

“That’s fucking unfortunate,” Tiffany muttered. “Okay, are the rest of you onboard? Great, so let’s rehearse our story.”

“I’m going home,” I sighed. “I…I need to be somewhere else, anywhere else.”

“Fine, Audrey,” Aleah said. “Just make sure you’re around if we call.”

“You know where to find me,” I walked to the door now on the verge of tears. It seemed to me that like always, I had ruined everything with my presence. My soul was sinking into a pit of despair, my legs like lead as I exited the GAT house. I was always the problem, and it would never change.

The walk back from the GAT house was nothing short of painful even if it wasn’t that far. Honestly it was like three blocks from the GAT house to the dorm, so I don’t know what I was complaining about. I walked to the elevator, remembered that it was broken and began my long trudge up the stairs. Finally clearing the 4th floor landing, I reached into my pocket to retrieve my dorm key and walked down the exposed balcony deep in thought.

What was I supposed to do exactly? GAT wanted to out me, the way they’d done to Tri Pi but this was different. This was to someone that could make an actual report and if this screwed up there was a chance it could make it into the news. Would they use my real name? Probably not, but how easy would it to be to hide from Mason? A story about a trans girl tied up in the GAT house? He would put two and two together like a child with a foam puzzle. Like…ugh, this was maddening. If I lost Mason what would I do? Who else would find out? What if my parents figured it out? I could never go home again. All these thoughts and more stampeded through my conscious mind as I shoved the key into the door and pushed it open, embracing the darkness beyond the frame. Thank god, I was home, no one could bother me here.

I slammed the door shut and made my way toward the bed, kicking one of Mason’s empty energy drinks out of the way as I prepared to slam my body against the mattress. Just as the thought finished racing through my mind, I heard the familiar click of my desk lamp switching on. Mason wasn’t here, what the fuck? The room was flooded with a dim light, meant only to cover the desk for studying, or gaming, of course. I jerked my head toward the direction of my desk, ready to break someone’s neck if I could figure out where my own backbone was. Instead of lurching forward, I literally just gasped. Sitting in my office chair with a smirk on her face was my sister, Leina.

“Well hello there,” She said rather coyly, brushing her long black hair away from her face and over her shoulder. “You mind telling me why you haven’t talked to me since you made it to campus? You know I’m only a few miles away, and I’m SURE you didn’t forget my phone number.”

“Well um,” I stammered. “I’ve…I’ve been busy…with um…class and…”

“Yeah, I bet,” She laughed, standing from the desk and walking toward me slowly until she stood maybe ten inches from my face. “Well, when you basically ghosted me, I did some poking around. I figured out you were in that play, Les Miserables, awesome by the way, I was in the drama club last year. Anyway, I talked to some of the members, maybe punched a few out, you know, things happen. Long story short, I got the WHOLE story, only had to threaten about five people. In ANY case, it seems you’ve gotten yourself into some shit, little brother. Or should I say…little sister?”

I paced back and forth, surveying the remaining members and pledges. This time we were in the meeting room, a podium up front, wooden folding chair spread uniformly across the rest of the floor. We hadn’t been using this space enough, but we had to look formal enough when our GAT representative walked through the door.

“Alright ladies,” I told them, finally stopping to rest both of my hands on the table, leaning back and staring at the room. Aleah was behind me, standing at the podium. She normally left these things to me, though as president I really felt like she should take the lead more often. “Aleah and I have talked to all of you, you know what you’re supposed to say, how you’re supposed to say it, and this is EASY, because you’re telling the truth. You’re simply telling them that we’re helping a young trans girl come out of her shell, call it philanthropy, charity, whatever you feel like, just make sure you stick to that story and we’ll be fine.”

“And remember that Audrey doesn’t stay the night here, ever,” Aleah added from the podium “Even if she did…I can’t even remember.”

“Uh, there was that one night when you ruined her life,” A girl pointed out. “When you made her come out to her girlfriend?”

“Is like…everyone following every piece of this bullshit drama?” I demanded. “Okay let’s look at the facts. Yes, we made her come out, but she was going to have to come out eventually anyway. Whether it was here, or at her dorm, or on the quad, the result would have been EXACTLY the same and you know what? At least this way she was among friends who could give her support. Did you WANT her to be alone when that happened? No? I didn’t think so.”

A dead silence hung in the air; the girl who was speaking simply averted her eyes to the floor and played with her fingers. Someone coughed, another girl twirled her hair.

“Our Panhellenic representative is maybe fifteen minutes out,” Aleah finally broke the silence. “Are all of you clear on what you’re supposed to be doing?”

The room nodded, a few of the pledges looked uncertain, maybe even afraid. They probably should be; they’d fought hard to get into this sorority, and it was all hanging in the balance. Funny how life works out, isn’t it? Just as I stood from my leaning position against the table, the front door flew open and in stepped the most ugly pantsuit I’d ever see in my life, accompanied by some blonde bimbo.

“Oh, wow!” The pantsuit said in a light southern accent. “Am I in the right place? This house is a mess! Please tell me this isn’t how Gamma Alpha Tau represents these days!”

I watched Aleah step forward from the corner of my eye, extending a hand toward the pantsuit.

“Hello,” She said in an almost professional voice as the remainder of GAT looked on. “You must be Ellen Trace, I’m Aleah Simms-“

“Yes, I’m aware of who you are, sweetie,” Ellen said condescendingly. “And you know why I’m here, we have to get to the bottom of this.”

“Well,” Aleah said. “I can assure you we haven’t had any…male guests, at least not overnight. The accusations are baseless-“

“Then you won’t mind if I have a little talk with everyone here, alone?” Ellen’s voice was growing more serious with each sentence. She phrased it as a question, but it definitely wasn’t one. I had some doubts forming in my mind but in my heart I knew we’d prepared well for this moment; everyone was on the same page.

“Absolutely not,” Aleah’s voice inflected upward as she shrugged and shot a smile toward Ellen. “If you want you can start with-“

“Her,” Ellen said, pointing toward me. My stomach fell out my asshole.

“Me?” I said, gesturing to myself. “Why-“

“Tiffany Grey, dating Shawn Derringer, president of DEM…if anyone is complicit in this, it would be you, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re saying that just because I’m dating Shawn, I had him sleep over?” I raised an eyebrow. “That’s a little-“

“Likely?” Ellen said accusingly. “Why don’t we step into the conference room and you can fill me in on every little detail.”

“That’s-“ I started to say something sarcastic but I noticed Aleah shooting a serious look at me. I sighed and conceded. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“Great!” Ellen smiled. “And after that we can get this chapter over with.”

As Ellen turned, I rolled my eyes and followed her lead into the conference room. She motioned for me to take a seat in one of the chairs near the end of the table. I placed myself in the seat and watched as she sat adjacent to me, pulling some papers from a briefcase and laying them on the table and leafing through them briefly before making eye contact with me.

“So,” Ellen said. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’

“With what, exactly?” I tried to dodge the question, stupidly.

“Well, we received an anonymous tip. The tipster said that Gamma Alpha Tau has been hosting overnight guests of the male persuasion and as you know, that’s a serious breach of protocol. Panhellenic is compelled to investigate, and upon conclusion of our investigation, if we find proof to substantiate the claims, your charter will be revoked and corporate will reclaim this house. From all of the previous complaints we’ve gotten, I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to pan out in your favor. So, start talking.”

I took a deep breath. Aleah had given us a very specific and unusual directive: tell the truth. Well, to be honest it wasn’t all going to be the truth but it was pretty close.

“Okay,” I said. “So first of all, we know who gave you that anonymous tip, and we also know that it’s a jealousy issue.”

“Jealousy?” Ellen looked at me intently. “Do tell.”

“Okay, so, we were working on a super secret project, it wasn’t supposed to get out but…this trans girl we found…well, she came to us for help. She needed help learning to uh…be a girl and how to dress, and act, and whatever. We were kind of doing it as a secret philanthropy thing. Learning about the transgender community, it’s just…I think it’s done a lot for us as a sorority and-“

“You’re telling me, that Gamma Alpha Tau, Woodcrest chapter, headed by Aleah Simms, suddenly decided to undertake an equality project instead of doing your nails or sleeping with frat boys?”

“Hey with respect, that’s not entirely fair,” I argued. “We do a lot of…other things.”

“Alright,” Ellen shifted in her chair and scribbled a few things down into her notepad, then aimed her stony gaze directly at me. I wanted to gulp but it might indicate intimidation. She probably fed on fear or something, like an empathic velociraptor. “I’m going to interview the other girls, and IF, I emphasize IF, they corroborate this bullshit you’ve fed me, then I’m going on to the next step.”

“The next step?” I raised an eyebrow as she closed her notebook and folded her hands on the table.

“I want to speak with this…girl.”

“You mean Audrey?”

“Is that her name?” Ellen once again opened her notebook and began to scribble. “Then yes, I’ll want to speak with Audrey. Honestly, I’ll be surprised if you can actually produce her.”

“Well I mean that could…be a problem,” I objected. “She’s…pretty skittish, even around us-“

“Tiffany, if you want to save this chapter, then you’re going to produce Audrey, no questions, no arguments, just get her here and make sure she’s ready to talk.”

I left the conference room feeling a little bit numb. We’d already put Audrey through so much, did we really want to make her out herself to national? The answer was yes, of course. Yes we did.

“Aleah, we’re fucked,” I sighed as I walked past her. “They want to talk to- hey, whose that?”

I pointed toward the couch where a girl I didn’t recognize was sitting, cross legged, reading a book and dressed in the GAT uniform which I hadn’t touched since my pledge days.

“Um, that’s Kari,” Aleah explained quietly.

“Kari? From Omega Psi? Why does she look so different?”

“Makeup, I guess,” Aleah shrugged. “Okay, so basically she suffered some…brain damage a few months ago and every once in a while she thinks she’s part of a different house. Like, she sneaks in and just…acts like she belongs there. I’m not sure if she’s actually mentally ill or if she’s just trolling. Last week she was in Tri Pi, the week before that, Zeta Tau, and so on. I guess it was our turn this time.”

“Uh…that’s bizarre,” I frowned. “Anyway, she wants to talk to Audrey, we need to get her here.”

“Fine, whatever,” Aleah seemed distracted. “Get her over here-“

“Hey guys, there’s someone here for you,” Courtney interrupted us. In the distance, I heard Ellen call the next girl into the conference room. As I looked up, past Courtney, I saw a short girl with long brown hair strutting toward us, stopping just short of Courtney and regarding us with what I could only describe as an amused grin. Who the hell?

“Well hello there,” The new girl smirked. “You must be Tiffany.”

“Uh yes-“ I started to say, just as she cut me off.

“Oh and you,” She grinned again, walking past me and staring at Aleah as if she were a piece of meat. “Aleah, president of Gamma Alpha Tau, I would say it’s nice to meet you, but from what I hear you’re a piece of human garbage.”

“Hey!” Aleah protested angrily. “Just who the fuck do you think-“

“My name, is Leina,” She said smugly. “And today we’re going to discuss what you’ve been doing to my little sister.”

“Who exactly are you?” I raised an eyebrow at the new girl. Leina, Leina, who the hell was Leina?

“Oh don’t worry,” She giggled as she stepped confidently around me, leaning in and speaking quickly into my ear; her hot breath resonated against my skin. “You’re going to get to know me REALLY well.”

“Jesus!” I stepped back quickly and glared at her. “Personal space, bitch!”

“I just happen to be the sister of someone you know really, really well,” Leina grinned, side stepping and circling us. Aleah, Courtney, and I turned rapidly, trying to track her confident movements. She seriously moved around like she owned the place. “You know…Audrey?”

“Oh dear god,” Aleah gasped. “Audrey has a SISTER?”

“Ding ding, that’s right!” Leina confirmed, stopping abruptly in front of Aleah and leaning inward so that their noses nearly touched. “And I want to know EVERYTHING you’ve done to her because let me tell you, I’ve heard some really nasty things. Now we wouldn’t want them to turn out to be…true, would we?”

I stared at Leina, trying my best to read her. From her words, I would have expected her to be angry, but she wasn’t, or at least not as far as I could tell. If anything she was gleeful, and that was even more terrifying.

“Okay look,” Aleah said defensively. “Audrey came to US, she wanted to know how to do the whole girl thing and-“

“Bzzzzzt! Wrong!” Leina made a mock buzzing sound with her mouth, wagging her finger. “You mean you beat her, tied her up, and then convinced her to come back here so you could play dress up with her. You naughty, naughty bitches. Lie like that again and there’ll be consequences.”

“Oh my god,” I growled. “She broke into the house, so yeah, we tied her up, she looked like a guy, what were we supposed to do?”

“You’re supposed to tell the truth,” Leina smiled sweetly and extended her index finger, just enough to give me a swift poke on the nose. I recoiled. “And then what did you do? Ohhh yes, you made her break up with her girlfriend.”

“They were going to break up anyway,” Aleah argued. “Chastity is a bitch and if you’ve been following it all this closely, then you know that.”

“I know all of that,” Leina stepped a little closer to Aleah; if she’d moved any closer they would literally be kissing. “In your own twisted, fucked up way, you’ve done alright by her, but you know what I want to know? I want to know if it’s all been some stupidly lucky coincidence. Sure, you’ve pushed her out of her shell, but was it intentional? What are your intentions toward my sister? You know, the sister I’ve known since…well, since we were kids. You know, I walked her to the bus stop every day for school, I made her lunch every single day since she came off mom’s teat, I was there for her first play, her first piano recital…”

“Um, when did Audrey stop breastfeeding?” I raised an eyebrow.

“She plays the piano?” Courtney mused.

“Okay look,” Aleah said, raising her hands. “We just help her, we don’t have any grand design. We haven’t really pushed her to do anything.”

I think that was a lie. That was definitely a lie.

“I’m not convinced,” Leina said, raising a finger to her chin. “Here’s the thing, I’m keeping her away from here until I know for SURE that you’re not using her for something. You’re Gamma Alpha Tau, the supposed ‘toughest’ sorority on campus. You use people, it’s what you do.”

“And what makes you think that?” I rolled my eyes. As I spoke, Leina moved in close, too close for comfort and whisper into my ear.

“Because I use people too,” She said gleefully and immediately pulled back. “Oh this is going to be so much fun.”

“Yeah,” Aleah sighed. “You have your fun, but we need Audrey back here, like now.”

“Oh?” Leina smiled. “Why’s that? What’s the hurry?”

“Panhellenic is here,” I explained. “They want to talk to Audrey; Chastity told them that we had guys living here, and we need to prove that Audrey isn’t a guy. Well more importantly we need to prove that Audrey exists.”

“Oh, you’re in quite the pickle then, aren’t you?” Leina grinned. “Your chapter is on the line, and you need my sister, but to get to my sister, you need me. Wow, you’re having a bad day.”

“Look, I’m begging you,” I said insistently. “Please, get Audrey here so we can fix this. We help her a lot, it’s not going to help her if the chapter is shut down-“

“I can help her,” Leina shrugged, suddenly stepping backward and plopping down onto the couch next to Kari who was still lost in her book. “She’s MY sister after all. I can share my clothes, teach her to act like a girl, all the cool things that sisters do for eachother. I’m kinda looking forward to it actually. She won’t be spending her time here doing your bidding, so I don’t see what the downside is?”

“She doesn’t do our bidding!” I argued. “Come on, we just help her with makeup and stuff-“

“So making her fix that laptop wasn’t-“

“How do you even know about that?” Aleah demanded. “Like literally, how do you know all of this?”

“I see everything,” Leina said, giggling almost manically. “I hear everything, I know EVERYTHING. If it has to do with my little sister, I know it. Don’t try to hide stuff from me, I’ll come down on you like the Goddess of Thunder and eat your thyroid like a snack.”

“Listen,” Kari said, finally speaking up. “I’ve been a member of GAT for two years, and I can say with certainty that Aleah would never do anything to hurt Audrey.”

“Three years?” I mouthed silently at Aleah, who shrugged.

“Be that as it may-“ Leina began, but was cut short by Ellen re-appearing from the conference room.

“Okay ladies,” She said, clapping her hands as she stepped forward. “I think I’ve gathered enough information, and my resolution stands. I’m going to need to speak with this…Audrey before I even consider allowing this chapter to continue. So, as it stands, you have forty-eight hours to produce her or I’ll be filing my report with Panhellenic which will undoubtedly result in the closure of this…cess pool, which was a long time coming in any case.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I rolled my eyes.

“Hey,” Kari said, glancing up from her book again. “You didn’t interview me, I’m a proud member of Gamma Alpha Tau!”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ellen frowned, looking through a list affixed to her clipboard. “What’s your name?”

“Kari,” She said proudly, standing from the couch. Of course, her name wouldn’t be on the list, she wasn’t actually a member of GAT.

“Oh, here it is, Kari Leanne,” She nodded. “Alright, follow me into the conference room please.”

I gawked at them as they disappeared into the conference room, then looked over to Aleah who looked just as shocked as I was. I shook my head and returned to the matter at hand.

“Leina,” I said firmly, trying to keep the fear out of my voice. “We really need Audrey, why don’t we go get her, sort this whole thing out, and then we can positively show you that we only have the best of intentions toward her.”

“Or we can do it the other way around,” Leina smiled, standing up from the couch. “You prove to me that you want the best for Audrey, and then we’ll talk about bringing her back here and saving your little clubhouse.”

Stepping over to the table where Leina, Aleah, Courtney, and Lauren sat, I dropped a thick folder onto the surface and opened the cover.

“It’s all here,” I said as I met Leina’s gaze. The tension was thick here; she literally held the fate of GAT in our hands, though at this point I was beginning to wonder if it was even worth the effort of saving. I mean I liked my room and everything, but I could always get a dorm. Aleah would be pissed but at least she had her job. The other girls? Well, who cared about them? Then again, it would look really, really bad on my student record to have a sorority dissolved for abusing a trans girl, even if it wasn’t entirely true.

“What are we looking at?” Leina craned her neck, peeking at the folder.

“This is actually a folder we made up for Audrey, she doesn’t know about it yet,” I explained. “There was really no reason to tell her, but it’s information on GAT’s national equality policies and information for trans girls. We wanted her to join, but she has to meet certain standards, like she has to present a woman 24/7, she has to be actively pursuing transition…she hasn’t done any of those things, so we can’t talk to her about rushing or joining. We just…keep this around for when she finally comes out of her shell.”

“That’s great and all,” Leina said smugly, folding her hands on the table and leaning forward. “But why would my little sister want to join your little club?”

“Okay real talk,” Aleah interrupted. I glanced over at her. “Being part of a sorority is more than just a little ‘club’. If you’d bothered to look into statistics you’d know that two percent of Americans are involved in Greek organizations, but eighty percent of that two percent are Fortune 500 executives. Seventy-six percent are involved in congress. The list goes on, all but two presidents have been involved in fraternities, it’s not just some after-school activity, it’s a way to prepare us for the next step in life. It teaches us to work together, it teaches us the rules of business, management, competition, you name it. The bullshit we do here translates into the real world and if Audrey wants to be a part of that, then why shouldn’t she?”

“That’s great and all,” Leina said, rolling her eyes. “But even if Audrey were going to go Greek why should she be in THIS sorority. You’ve put her through hell, probably on purpose, and you know what? There are better options for her.”

“There might be,” I confirmed, drawing a glare from Aleah as I nodded. “But the fact is, Audrey keeps coming back here. She doesn’t go out and look at other houses. She likes it here, and if she does, then none of us have the right to stop her, short of dinging her out at pledge initiation.”

“That’s so adorable,” Leina laughed. “But she hasn’t had a CHANCE to look at other sororities. She can’t just go knock on doors and say “Hey, I’m a girl, let me tour your house!”

“You’re right,” I smirked. “That’s why I dropped her off at Tri Pi and left her there for a few days.”

I could hear the muscles in Aleah’s neck creak as she slowly turned to fixate her piercing glare against my skin.

“See something you like?” I asked, turning toward Aleah whose hardened expression didn’t change in the slightest.

“Do you want to elaborate on that?” Leina demanded. “What do you mean you dropped her off at Tri Pi?”

“Wait,” I laughed. “I thought you knew everything.”

Leina started at me with even more vitriol than I could feel coming from Aleah. So there WAS something she didn’t know, and that made me slightly more comfortable.

“We pranked Tri Pi,” I explained slowly, trying to savor the moment. “I arranged to leave Audrey there so she could talk to the Greek council. If she had anything to say about us, she would have said it. We’d all be in hot water right now.”

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Leina demanded.

“Yeah,” Aleah said, still glaring. “Why didn’t I know about this?”

“You were busy,” I shrugged to Aleah. “and I’m sorry, but it was the right thing to do. I know I’m not always the most upstanding person but I’m not going to watch another human being suffer.”

“She wasn’t suffering,” Aleah said flatly. “She was perfectly fine, you didn’t have to sic the Greek council on us.”

“We’re still here, aren’t we?” I pointed out. “Obviously everything went fine. We’re not as bad as people think, not by a long shot.”

It was either that, or Audrey had lied her ass off when Shawn and the rest of the council questioned her. I was inclined to think it was the latter. A silence hunger over the room as we sat there, contemplating what had been said. Beyond the conference room I could hear murmuring from pledges and other members against the hum of the television. I could briefly discern a newscaster, his words broken, but a singular phrase made its way to my ears: “—a faith based fraternity, Theta Kappa introduced by Garron to uphold the morals—’

I turned my attention back to Leina.

“You can believe us, or not,” I stated. “But if you want the truth, go find Audrey and ask her. If you’re wrong, and if we’re not as bad as you think we are, then you’re going to get this house shut down, and Audrey is going to be lost. Believe me, when the year started, none of us expected to be doing this. I thought it was going to be a normal year. You know, homework, boys, the occasional prank. I didn’t expect to help a trans girl come out of her shell, and I certainly didn’t expect to lose our charter, but we’re here, now, and Audrey has plenty of opportunities if she transitions and if she rushes our sorority. We have work-study programs that can reduce her tuition, we have tutoring programs, she can put us on her resume when she applies for a job after college. If that’s what she wants, then it’s not up to you, or I, or this bitch over here to take it away from her.”

“Maybe you could not call me a bitch,” Aleah suggested.

“Whatever you say, bitch,” I said smugly, drawing an even more intense glare from Aleah.

“Alright, look,” Leina said finally. “I’m willing to entertain the idea that maybe you want some good for Audrey, and maybe your little disaster house here has some redeeming qualities to it.”

“Then help us,” I said insistently. “Get Audrey back here, and help save the house for our sake and for hers.”

“I would love to,” Leina smiled.

“Okay then?” I raised an eyebrow, leaning forward.

“Just one problem,” Leina sighed. “I don’t know where she is.”

“Okay,” Aleah sighed, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Beside me I distinctly heard the sound of Kari flipping through her book, probably ignoring the world around her, as usual. “I hate to actually be productive today, but we need to find Audrey. We have…forty seven hours to get it done, so we need to think. What do we know about Audrey?”

“Oh, her favorite show is Power Rangers,” Leina interrupted. “She absolutely loves it. When we were kids playing pretend she would be the pink ranger.”

“And that didn’t raise any suspicion?” I stared at her.

“Well no, she said she just liked her ‘can do’ attitude. She’s right, that bitch is fire.”

“That’s true, I’d do her,” Aleah nodded.

“Well that’s neither here nor there,” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone would ‘do’ Amy Jo Johnson.”

“I wouldn’t,” Courtney shrugged. “She’s not really my type.”

“Show of hands,” Aleah announced. “Who would do Amy Jo Johnson?”

“We’re off track,” I said, standing from the couch. “Let’s think more about where she’d be likely to go – did anyone check her GPS?”

“You have a tracking device on my sister?” Leina asked, narrowing her eyes.

“She gets lost easily,” I shrugged. “Plus she has an eating disorder so we like to see where she’s been getting food. Surprisingly when she DOES eat she goes to fast food places.”

“…have you considered encouraging her to buy real food?” Leina sighed. “She knows how to cook.”

“Her dorm room is the size of a shoebox, I’m afraid she’ll start a fire,” I explained offhandedly.

“Back to the topic at hand,” Aleah said, bringing our attention back. “I DID check her GPS and it’s been disabled. She’s not answering her phone, and to quote Mason: ‘I haven’t seen him you sordid bitch, why don’t you know go yourself’. Mason is always very agreeable where it comes to Audrey.”

“Leina,” I said, turning toward her. “You know your sister best, where do you think she would go?”

“She likes the theater,” Leina said. “She has that play coming up.”

“Theater’s closed right now,” Courtney chimed in. “She likes video games, what about the arcade?”

“What year is this?” I snorted. “We’re in 2019, people don’t go to arcades anymore, they go to uh…well no, they stay home.”

“Well in the end,” Courtney said, stepping around the couch and leaning over onto the armrest. “Our best bet is to go talk to Mason, in person. Think about it like this. Audrey doesn’t really have anywhere that she goes. She’s ridden with anxiety, she doesn’t have many friends outside of Mason, and us, and she’s just…really timid. On a normal day I’d say she’s just cooped up in her dorm room and that may be EXACTLY where she is.”

“I already checked with Mason,” Aleah reminded us. “He said-“

“He probably lied to you,” I said. “He doesn’t like us.”

“Why doesn’t Mason like you?” Leana turned to us suspiciously. “Mason is the nicest guy ever.”

“Because as soon as Audrey started hanging out with us, she hung out with him less, and no one can tell him why. You already know what happened with Chastity, we don’t want to do the same thing with Mason.”

“You know,” Leina said, pressing her palms against the fabric of the couch to push herself into a standing position. “I have to say I’m surprised you care this much, this isn’t at all what I pictured.”

“Well we’re bitches,” I shrugged. “But we’re not going to intentionally ruin her life. In the beginning we had the opportunity to blackmail her, she gave us enough material, we could have done anything we wanted, but we didn’t. Yeah, you can characterize us as the ‘mean girls’, and it’s accurate but for better, or worse, Audrey is one of us now.”

We all contemplated that for a moment. I watched Kari switch from her book to a magazine that had been sitting on the coffee table. A cosmetics magazine of some kind. As it fell open in her hands, the centerfold spilled out revealing an ad spelled out in huge letters. ‘Miratran’. She hummed happily and quietly as she flipped through the magazine, looking at the pictures I think.

“Well,” Aleah said finally. “What we need to do is spread out, check every place she usually goes and maybe ask some people. I’ll start by asking Mason again, and Courtney can go check the library. We’ll talk to Melissa, see if she’s found some new friends in the theater group to hang out with. The campus is pretty big, not going to lie, but if we ask enough people we’re bound to find her. Okay, so when you’re out there looking for her, I want to remind everyone to call her by her male name, which is Todd, in case anyone’s forgotten. Um…Tiffany, you can go talk to Melissa and see if she’s seen anything. Leina, you probably know her better than anyone else here, so pick your own search locations. If anyone finds her, at all, even if you find her damn shoe, text the group chat.”

“Oh we could start by asking the clerk at Gamestop!” Kari chimed in, smiling as she laid her magazine down. Everyone in the room turned to look at her. I bit my lip.

“Um…did she go to Gamestop?” I asked.

“Well yeah,” Kari nodded. “We spend the entire evening together, it was great.”

“Kari,” Aleah said, desperate tones dancing on her breath as she stepped forward ever so slowly and carefully. “This is very, very important, okay? What did you do with Audrey last night?”

“Huh?” Kari asked, confused as her eyes darted from left to right. “With who?”

“Oh dear god,” Aleah said. “Okay, um…Kari, what did you do last night?”

“I just drove around,” Kari shrugged.

“And when you were driving around, did you have anyone with you?”

“Of course I did!” Kari said, rolling her eyes and displaying a goofy grin as if we were supposed to know. “I was with Audrey!”

“Okay, you were with Audrey,” I confirmed. At this point, everyone in the living room was leaning in, as if being closer to her would help us to solve the mystery any faster. “Why don’t you tell us the first place you guys went?”

“We went to Gamestop first,” She smiled. “Just before it closed. She bought a game. For her XBOX 360. It was um…the Hannah Montana Movie Game. She said she liked the dress up part.”

“Holy shit that’s cringe,” I shuddered.

“Okay, then where did you go next?” Aleah leaned closer. Kari looked up at her again, her stare blank once again.

“What? When?” Kari shook her head. “I’ve been sitting right here.”

“Everyone get to the van!” Aleah said sharply, standing up. “Load Kari up, we’re going to Gamestop.”

I heard two loud mechanical ‘thuds’ as Aleah threw the van into gear and rumbled down the GAT driveway. As we emerged onto the street I cast a wayward glance at Leina who was busying herself with her phone. I glanced at the screen silently but couldn’t make out what she was doing. I shrugged and looked toward the window, observing the world as it blew by.

“Do you want to ask me something?” Leina asked. I looked back, she’d set her phone on her lap, hands crossed over it, her gaze fixed directly on me.

“I just…” My eyes darted around the van. It was myself, Courtney behind, Leina beside, and Kari in the front, in the passenger side adjacent to Aleah. “I don’t know…much about her, I mean…we haven’t really sat down and…”

“And actually talked?” She finished my thought for me. “You should do that, with people you care about you know. You should get to know them, it helps.”

I sighed.

“Yeah you’re right but…I mean…I guess I want to know, was she like this growing up? Did you know? You just…accepted it so easily when Chastity-“

“Let me stop you right there,” She said abruptly. “I’m not Chastity. Don’t compare me to her.”

“No, no I wasn’t,” Shook my head. “I guess I just want to know, why are some people so accepting and others aren’t? What makes—”

“A lot of things,” Leina told me. I could tell the others were listening now, the silence in the air was too telling. “It has to do with how you’re raised, what you were taught. Let’s say you have a kid born to super religious parents, they got that from their parents, and their parents, and their parents. Bigotry is passed down most of the time. What about you? Why are you so readily accepting of Audrey?”

“Well I mean…she hasn’t done anything to me, and…”

“She hasn’t done anything to a lot of people,” Leina cut me off again. “But a lot of people are going to hate her. I was suspicious of you at first, and honestly I still am, but compared to the rest of the world, GAT is a god damn dream. You’re not taking advantage of her, at least I don’t think, and you accept her for who she is. That puts you light years ahead of everyone else but let’s be fucking honest here, the bar isn’t raised very high. The bar is basically rolling around on the ground.”

“Oh wow…” I heard Aleah mutter from the front seat.

“I meant what I said,” I nodded. “I want Aleah in GAT-“

“And yet, you aren’t the president,” Leina smiled. “You’re not an officer, you’re not anyone, what does the president say?”

“I say just listen to the blonde bitch,” Aleah took a left turn, careening us into the Gamestop parking lot and lodging us into a space.

“You know, you ask a LOT of questions for someone whose just a friend,” Leina pointed out, suddenly batting her eyelashes at me. “How are things going with that frat boy you’re dating?”

“Um, things are going fine I—”

“Are you sure?” Leina asked, her face contorted into an even more twisted grin.

“We’re here,” Aleah threw her door open and stepped out. I quickly followed suit, barreling over Leina as she chuckled, and cast myself out onto the blacktop.

“Okay, what are we doing again?” Courtney asked. Kari skipped happily ahead of us.

“We’re going ask the clerk if he remembers Audrey and if he remembers where she was going, remember, it’s Todd, male pronouns.”

“Right,” I said, walking intentionally ahead of Leina. I practically caught up to Kari who already had a good lead on us and slammed into the steel and glass door of the Gamestop. Yanking it open, I careened into the air conditioned space and bumped into a ‘Dark Pantheon’ display case, I guess there was a new expansion or something. I shook my head. The guy behind the counter was your typical geek, slightly overweight guy in his thirties, a Gamestop lanyard around his neck. He looked slightly intimidated as we approached.

“Hey there!” Aleah said, flashing her sorority girl smile and cocking her head as she allowed her eyes to tear into his. “I was wondering if you could help us!”

“I um…I can certainly try,” The man smiled. “What are you looking for, exactly?”

“A guy, maybe about 5’9, kind of geeky, came in here with that girl over there last night?” Aleah pointed to Kari who was now wandering into the nether regions of the store, out of our sight.

“Well, no,” The man shook his head. “Well I remember her, but she wasn’t with a guy.”

“Figures,” Aleah looked to us. “Kari’s imagining things again, she came here alone, for whatever reason.”

“What? No she wasn’t alone,” The clerk shook his head. “She was with another girl.”

“Another girl?” I asked. “What did she look like?”

“Um, about 5’9, like the guy you described, shoulder length brown hair-“

“Oh my god,” Aleah blinked.

“Wow,” I blinked. “Did that all on her own, huh?”

“I don’t understand,” The clerk shook his head. “What’s going on?”

“Where did they say they were going?” Leina broke through the banter and stepped closer to the counter. “Did they say?”

“I think they said they were heading to the quad, over at Woodcrest,” The guy shrugged.

“Okay so last night at the Quad there would have been that drum thing,” Aleah mused. “Like, there are these students that play street music on the quad with buckets and stuff. Maybe they went to see that.”

“Except…yes,” Courtney said, staring at her phone. “Last night there was a…disturbance in the Quad, it’s all over the news. Apparently some unknown girl blasted the school mascot with a firehose, then she ran from the police. Guess who the girl was?”

“Oh dear god,” I shook my head. “Well at least it can’t get any worse.”

“Well it can,” Courtney nodded. “The kid in the costume was Shawn Derringer’s nephew, so Audrey just blasted his affluent ass to hell with a fire hose. Good on him, down with the bourgeoise, or whatever.”

“Okay…then we need to go talk to Shawn,” I nodded. “If Audrey’s in trouble, maybe he can get the charges dropped.”

“You are being way, WAY optimistic about this,” Aleah stared at me. “This looks like actual assault.”

“That beaver deserved it,” I said, referring to the mascot. “He groped me at the last football game.”

“You DO know it’s not an actual beaver, it’s a guy in a suit, and the guy changes every few weeks.”

“I hear you talking, and I see your mouth moving, but I can’t really understand what you’re saying.”

“God dammit, Tiffany,” Aleah sighed. “Let’s go talk to Shawn, or is dad, or whoever you have to blow to fix this.”

“Why isn’t Shawn at the DEM house?” Aleah asked curiously as we pulled into his driveway. The trek down the long stretch of pavement was smooth and involved only a slight turn, leading us easily onto the parking space just in front of the house. Shawn’s house was big, really, really big. So big in fact that if he ever wanted to move out, all he’d have to do is move his stuff to the other side. To be perfectly honest no one was certain what Shawn’s dad did for a living; Mr. Derringer was as mysterious as he was dangerous I supposed. At least I assumed he was dangerous, I hadn’t asked Shawn much about him.

“He likes to hang out here on weekends,” I explained with a brief shrug. “He uh…likes to shoot scat.”

“Skeet,” Aleah corrected. “The other thing is um…oh look, here we are.”

Aleah turned the key and yanked it out of the ignition, exiting the van quickly followed by the rest of us. We met her around back and from the corner of my eye I noticed Leina using a single hand to guide Kari back toward the group as she attempted to wander off. I smirked a little bit, as per usual she was wearing her red hair long, draped over her shoulder. Her outfit was the simple red Woodcrest PT uniform that you could literally buy from a vending machine in the admissions office. It came wrapped in plastic, sizing was questionable but it seemed to fit her perfectly. Emblazed on the front was the brown Beaver mascot below the black and white Woodcrest letters. The uniform was a little rank, like she’d been wearing it for a few days. Maybe someone needed to talk to her about that.

We left the lot and climbed the brief stairs leading to the front door, and I kept a subtle eye on Kari as Aleah knocked on the door.

“There’s a doorbell,” I pointed to the left side of the entryway. Aleah rolled her eyes and pressed a slender finger to the button; inside I could hear the sound of the bell ringing throughout. Moments later, Jerome, the Derringer’s butler opened the door and looked us over.

“Well Miss Gray,” He said with a hint of happiness permeating his tone. “You’ve returned, and brought friends!”

“Great to see you again,” I forced a smile. “Is Shawn around? I really need to talk to him.”

“You know he is,” Jerome nodded. “If you and your friends would like to take a seat downstairs in the waiting area, I can give him a call.”

“You know,” Aleah said in a voice just above a whisper as we followed Jerome into the house and into the waiting room caddy corner to the main stairs. “If you’re dating the guy you should be able to just…you know…walk in and find him.”

I blushed a little.

“I guess we’re not at that level yet,” I shrugged. Aleah shook her head and smiled a little. No sooner did we sit down in the waiting room than did Shawn appear, dressed in his blue polo and khakis – standard attire for skeet shooting around here but his shoes weren’t muddy. He hadn’t been outside. That was interesting.

“Hey guys,” Shawn greeted Aleah and I, then nodded to the others. “Tiffany, you don’t normally drop by on the weekends, to what do I owe the honor?”

“Your cousin,” I sighed, standing up. Shawn gave me a knowing grin and nodded a bit.

“Nothing that can’t be worked out,” He laughed. “I see your girl’s getting a bit out of hand. Like a rowdy teenager.”

“How much does he know about her?” Aleah shot me a sidelong glance.

“Enough,” I said quietly, quickly returning my attention to Shawn. “We’re worried that she might be in trouble and we also can’t figure out where she is.”

“You lost her again, then?” Shawn teased as he motioned for us to follow. Leina urged Kari to stand, and we followed Shawn deeper into the house, single file until we came to a large office. “This is where I do my homework, among other things.”

“How quaint,” I said, glancing around the room adorned with wooden paneling and a few bookshelves filled with volumes that I would never even want to touch, let alone read. Then again, I was never big on reading.

“Thanks love,” He laughed. “Okay, so first thing’s first-“

“What’s going to happen to her?” Leina demanded. Shawn gave her a long, hard glance.

“You must be Leina,” He nodded. “The sister.”

“You KNEW Audrey had a sister?” I glared at him.

“I did my research,” He shrugged and stated offhandedly. “It wasn’t exactly a small matter, I had to make sure that the Greek council wasn’t in danger. I’m still not convinced that it isn’t.”

“It’s a completely internal matter – what’s that?” My attention was suddenly drawn to a massive pistol sitting on Shawn’s desk, which we were huddled around. It was a revolver, chamber open, sitting flatly upon the glossy wooden surface.

“Oh, that,” Shawn laughed, as if everyone, ever, everywhere had a gun just sitting on their desk. “It was a gift from a family friend, Checkov. I’m actually about to hang it on the wall.”

“Well, have fun with that,” I shrugged. “So what about Audrey?”

“My nephew isn’t interested in pressing charges,” Shawn explained as he slid the revolver from the desk and moved it to a mounted display case. “Audrey will be fine, but I get the feeling that’s not why you’re looking for her.”

“We just…need to talk to her,” I explained. “Trouble at the house, you know.”

“If GAT is actually putting effort into something, then it must be some serious trouble,” Shawn pointed out. “IT would be of the Panhellenic variety would it?”

“Absolutely not,” Aleah lied. “We just…have some internal issues we need to take care of.”

“Audrey left the toilet seat up,” I interrupted, keeping my face as straight as humanly possible.

“Right,” Shawn rolled his eyes. “If I were you guys, I would check the theater.”

“Theater’s closed,” I objected.

“Doesn’t mean she can’t get in,” Shawn sighed. “Besides I know for a fact she’s in there because she ran into Melissa along the way, and I talk to Melissa pretty often. Maybe you guys should…I don’t know, find a way in there to get her? Unless it’s not urgent.”

“Um, how do we get into a locked building?” I demanded. “It’s not like we can break through plate glass.”

My eyes wandered again to the desk, this time toward an open file folder, its contents revealing the name ‘B. Parsons’. Shawn show me a wayward glance and closed the folder before I could see any more.

“I would suggest,” He said. “That you find someone with a key, and that would mean Melissa. You can usually find her in her dorm on weekends; she’s kind of a homebody.”

“Right,” I said to the group. “Find Melissa, get her to open the stupid auditorium, get Audrey, and go home. We’re pretty much home free already.”

God I wish it were that easy.

“So according to Melissa, we’re meeting her here and she’s giving us a spare key to the theater,” Aleah informed as she turned left into a parking lot behind what looked like the shadiest building in the city. That’s a lot coming from me, by the way. Woodcrest had seen its fair share of ‘shady’ buildings, with one of my favorites being an old record store that housed a pallet of cocaine in the back room. I guess at some point the police realized that a vinyl record store was a little bit out of place in a college town. I wondered what kind of drugs this shithole was hiding.

“She’s just…going to give us the key?” I raised an eyebrow.

“We’re plenty trustworthy,” Aleah shrugged. “If anything went wrong they’d just blame it on GAT and we’d have even bigger problems, see how that works?”

“I guess so,” I nodded. “So what do we do when we find her?”

“We get her to come back, we have her talk to Panhellenic-“

“Are you going to dress her up?” Leina asked from the back seat. “I wanna do it.”

“Uh…sure, you can do it,” I nodded. “But first we have to literally FIND her.”

“I want to try frosted lipstick on her, something in pink,” Leina nodded. “I have this liquid one that will look SO adorable on her.”

“It’s like she has a new toy,” Aleah rolled her eyes as she parked and switched the engine off. The van ceased rumbling, I stared straight ahead at a chain link fence, overgrown with vines and punctuated with a faded sign that probably said ‘no parking’. There were few other cars in the lot, a rusted Chevy HHR lingered at the far side. Melissa probably lured us here to murder us. We probably deserved it. “Okay everybody out, I don’t know what this is about, but you know…theater nerds.”

I kind of resented that term, I was starring in their stage production of Les Miserables as Eperdine…or whatever it was. Did that make me a theater nerd? I shook my head, pursed my lips, and followed Aleah across a broken asphalt parking lot toward the back door of…whatever this building was. Honestly it looked like an abandoned store, but I was slightly reassured when the aging metal door popped open and Melissa appeared in her usual attire; an oversized turtleneck, huge glasses, and a pair of leggings that she could have easily stolen from Aleah’s closet.

“Hey guys,” She smiled. “Come on in, I have the key back here somewhere.”

“Thanks,” Aleah said with clearly faked gratitude. “We really, REALLY appreciate this.”

“Oh it’s no problem at all!” Melissa said cheerfully as she led us through the doorway. “You know I only want the best for Audrey and right now, it seems like the GAT house staying intact MIGHT just be for the best, even if I disapprove of how you guys operate.”

“I um…we’re trying to do better,” Aleah said apologetically. My eyes finally adjusted and I noticed that she’d led us into what appeared to be some kind of industrial kitchen.

“I know you are, and I truly believe that,” Melissa said with a smile, walking to the wall and flipping a switch. The kitchen was immediately bathed in fluorescent light, the steel surfaces were clean, and the left wall appeared to be a serving line cut off from the rest of the building by a shuttered door. “Which is why I’ve asked you to come here today.”

“Uh we came here to get the key,” Aleah said. “So we could find Audrey. We need her, to convince Panhellenic to get off our case.”

“Of course you do!” Melissa nodded, smiling brightly. “And I know you really, truly have her best interest at heart, but you know….Leina here needs some more convincing. She really needs to see you in action as a sorority.”

“What the fuck is going on?” I demanded. “Just give us the key-“

“Not so fast,” Melissa held her hand up and shook her head in our direction. “There’s someone I really want you to meet. Ms. Evans, are you back there?”

“One second!” A voice called out from further back in the building. A few moments later a middle-aged woman appeared, long-ish blonde hair, wrinkled features, and a pantsuit that looked as if it came right out of the 90’s.

“Oh, I’m so glad you girls decided to come!” Ms. Evans said excitedly. “When Melissa told me that Gamma Alpha Tau had volunteered to run the food kitchen this week I could hardly believe it, we’ve been so short staffed lately, it really is a godsend.”

“Run…the kitchen?” My eyes widened, I could swear I heard maniacal snickering coming from Leina who was positioned directly behind me, right beside Kari.

“Of course, silly, don’t you remember?” Melissa laughed. “You volunteered to feed the homeless today! There’s a huge sign out front, and behind that shutter? Well, there are a ton of underprivileged people just waiting to be fed. Don’t worry, the food is all prepared, you just have to serve it…and do the dishes, obviously, they aren’t going to do themselves.”

“Wait-“ Aleah started, but Melissa wagged a finger.

“You want to find Audrey, today, right? What are the chances of you pulling it off yourself, right now? Have you EVER gone out of your way to find her, physically, in the real world? I have, and let me tell you, it’s a nightmare. Besides, all of the nice people are out there just waiting for you to feed them! You wouldn’t want them to go off and spread the word that GAT abandoned their philanthropy project, would you? You guys LOVE doing philanthropy after all, don’t you? I’ve seen you doing so much of it around town.”

Well that was a fucked up sentiment if I’d eve heard one. The truth was that we hadn’t done any of our philanthropy projects in months. Philanthropy, roughly translated, was charitable works. We just hadn’t had time to volunteer at schools, or freeway cleanups, or even soup kitchens, so we’d spent an ungodly amount of time faking the paperwork and forging signatures. I didn’t know for sure if Brittny was aware of that, but the smug grin on her face was telling. Did Leina know? Had Leina told her? What the hell was going on?

“We have to doooo it!” Kari said, dancing to the front with a stupid grin on her face. She looked like a deranged barbie, passing so well that no one would have ever known she was trans if it wasn’t common knowledge already. “This combines all of my favorite things! Food, people, charity, blackmail, and industrial kitchens!”

“Wow, that’s really specific,” I blinked.

“I really, truly appreciate you girls volunteering,” Ms. Evans smiled again. “We’re serving from four to eight PM, I hope you’re ready to work hard!”

I turned and threw a glare to Leina who stood beside me, grinning widely.

“Dance GAT girl, Dance.”

“Hamburger, soup, or what the fuck do you want?” I asked the next man in line, an older guy in a scally cap with a worn army jacket. He glared back at me.

“Young lady, you need to work on your attitude,” He lectured me.

“You need to work on your fashion choices,” I said, gesturing to his outfit ensemble. “Soup or burger?”

“I’ll take the fucking burger,” He growled. I reached into the pan on my left and slapped a hamburger onto a plate, handing it to him.

“Don’t you think you ought to wear gloves?” The man asked me, glaring at me intently.

“You should feel privileged to have my hands all over your food,” I snapped. “Maybe later I’ll breathe on you. NEXT!”

It had gone on like this for three hours, and while I was beginning to see the end of the line, I was exhausted, angry, and feeling utterly betrayed. Beside me I could tell that Aleah was feeling exactly the same way but down the line, Kari was having an excessive amount of fun.

“Oh wow, I love your hat, it’s soo cute!” Kari said to the man gleefully. “Did you make it yourself?”

“No, I dug it out of the trash,” The man laughed. “I ain’t got the skills to make a hat.”

“I could teach you! We could make hats together!” Kari said happily. “Oh my gosh, you should try the mayo on that burger. You know over at Maris’s, the burger place they use Miracle Whip and it’s a sin against god and nature, but we actually have Hellman’s here. It’s in a huge tub in the back. It’s less fluffy and has a tinge of like…acidity when you bite into it but I think that’s because it’s old.”

“Young lady, are you on drugs?” The man laughed.

“No, I’m totally high on life!” Kari laughed. The line moved along, I rolled my eyes as it finally came to an end.

“Are you fucking done?” I growled to Aleah.

“I think so,” Aleah nodded. “Now we just need to-“

“Not so fast,” Leina laughed from behind us. “Someone’s gotta do these dishes.”

“No, absolutely not,” Aleah protested. “We have to get to Audrey and-“

“Last I checked,” Melissa said, folding her arms. “You had more than twenty-four hours before Panhellenic made a decision. I think you have time to do some dishes.”

“Okay but I have to get to class too,” I shook my head. “When am I supposed to sleep-“

“Since when have you cared about class?” Melissa laughed. She brushed a strand of hair away from her face – perfectly dry hair. She’d been working just as hard as us, yet her hair and makeup were perfect while I looked like a melted snowman with my hair literally just matted to my head. It was like she’d done this before. A lot.

“Oh very funny,” I snapped. “Fine, we’ll do the dishes but then-“

“And then we’ll go to the theater and find Audrey,” Melissa confirmed. “Now, scrub scrub.”

Leina threw a wet dishcloth in my direction; it spattered against the side of my face, sliding down onto my shoulder and landing on my shoulder. Jesus Christ; I’d just bought this top.

“Leftover food,” Melissa instructed. “Put it in those Tupperware containers and put them in the fridge in the back. Trash goes in the cans, take the bags out when you’re done. You need to leave this place clean when you leave.”

“What did we do to deserve this,” I muttered as Melissa walked away and we began to empty the food from the huge industrial steel pans.

“Um, a lot,” Courtney informed us. “Do you remember when you made Audrey fix that laptop? Or when you forced her to cater the pledge event for no reason? Or maybe the time we literally hazed her?”

“Excuse me,” I said, staring daggers at Courtney. “You were involved in the hazing, you dumped the crap all over her.”

“Because you told me to,” Courtney said, shaking her head and placing hamburger patties into a Tupperware container. “You’re not an officer, but Aleah listens to you, and I didn’t want to get booted out. In spite of how shitty this place is run, it has some great scholarship opportunities that I don’t want to miss out on. You have more influence than you think and it’s problematic.”

“What and you’re not worried about getting booted out NOW?” Aleah asked from behind, a threat suddenly looming in the air.

“I’m starting to care less and less,” Courtney acknowledged. “If you keep acting like a little shit, maybe I’ll find another house to join. I hear there are some openings over at Omega Psi.”

“Maybe you should go talk to them,” Aleah snapped.

“Maybe I will,” Courtney nodded. “But I tell you what, if I leave, I’m going to make sure Audrey has a place over there, it’s a co-ed house, and they’d take her next year in a heartbeat.”

“Why do I care if you take her?” Aleah demanded, making sure that Leina was out of earshot.

“Oh don’t play stupid with me,” Courtney smirked. “If you have Audrey you have your little vanity project. You can make it look like GAT cares about diversity, and you can ease your conscience over the friend you lost. Best of all? Audrey does exactly what you say. She’s a broken, little lost lamb that you’re taking advantage of and I’m fucking tired of it. You get your ass in line or I’ll not only take her away from you, I’ll get her to tell the Greek council EVERYTHING that you’ve done to her, to the pledges, to your own sister. The lies you’ve told to Panhellenic, the philanthropy fraud, everything. Be careful, or fucking judgement day is going to come down on your head like the wrath of god, except Instead of god, it’s going to be me, and I’m a lot less kind.”

“Just one question,” Aleah folded her arms and leaned against the counter, staring at Courtney amidst the sound of Kari chattering with the patrons in the dining room, still enjoying their means. “When did you grow a pair of ovaries?”

“Always had them,” Courtney said. “Just never needed to use them until I got sick of your shit. Let’s finish the dishes.”

It took another hour, but we managed to clean the dishes, stack them, and even mopped the floor. As we finished, Melissa and Leina walked over to us. They must have been having a grand old time somewhere while we cleaned.

“How did it feel to do some honest work for once?” Melissa asked us.

“At least we DID the work,” Aleah, pointed past the counter, toward Kari who was bouncing around the dining room, socializing.

“That’s low,” Melissa shook her head. “She’s making them happy, there are lots of different types of philanthropy. So, are you ready to go to the theater, or what?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Let’s go to the theater.”

“Great,” She said, smiling. “There’s just one more thing you need to do first.”

“So you’re telling me the ONE thing we have to do is climb this pile of boxes and crawl through that window?” I stared incredulously at the side of the theater.

“Well if you want to do more philanthropy we could have you clean up the flooding in the front,” Melissa shrugged. “The show is in like two days, we really need to get a bilge pump in there.”

“How exactly did it flood?” Aleah folded her arms as she watched me hop onto the first tier of boxes and begin to crawl my way to the top, toward an open window. To be honest it wasn’t that high up but it still irritated me to no end.

“Someone from DAM dropped a cherry bomb in one of the first floor toilets,” Melissa shrugged. “Run of the mill stuff really.”

“Don’t you mean DEM?” I glanced down from the pile as I neared the window.

“No, DAM, Delta Alpha Muh,” Melissa confirmed. “You’ve never heard of them?”

“Well I mean…there are so many on campus,” I shrugged. Reaching down, I gave Aleah a hand as she neared my position at the top of the stack. A second later, she lost her footing and slipped, slamming her knee against one of the wooden crates and yelping as she nearly tumbled back down the stack. I gripped her hand tighter and pulled her back, dragging her toward the window as Melissa and Leina stood below shaking their heads.

“You guys coming up or what?” Aleah gasped as she gripped the windowsill, staring at the cold, dark void of the hallway within.

“Yeah, we’re going to take the side door,” Melissa explained. She, Leina, and Courtney began to walk past us.

“There’s a SIDE door?” I demanded. “Seriously?!”

“Yeah, just wanted to see how well you could climb,” Melissa shrugged as they disappeared into the night.

“You fucking-“ Aleah began to shout. I placed a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re already up here,” I said with a sigh. “Let’s just go in.”

“Fine, but once we get Audrey, the bitch gets it,” She growled and threw a leg over the window, trying her best to propel herself inward, but the moment she cleared the sill, I heard her collide with the floor, a thump resounding from within the darkness and her muffled cry as she immediately tried to regain her footing. I rolled my eyes and cl imbed inside effortlessly. We were in the upper hall, normally researched for storage but also an access point for the box seating high above the floor. I immediately reached a hand down, into the darkness which Aleah found by moonlight and grabbed to bring herself back to a standing position.

“Clumsy bitch,” I muttered as we moved down the hall, past a storage closet and toward the stairs at the back.

“Were are we going?” She demanded. “I can’t see anything.”

“It’s fine,” I reassured her mostly to keep her from freaking out. “I’ve been in here like a million times. We follow that orange exit sign, down the stairs, and to the right. We’re going backstage, there’s a dressing room. If she’s anywhere, it’ll be there.

“Do we even know she’s IN here?” Aleah asked, exhaustion tainting her tone. I pushed forward, walking toward the stairs and making my way down.

“It’s where she always is when she’s here,” I confirmed. Truthfully she normally played her game back here, but I’d checked to see if she was online, and nothing. I hoped she was here, I really did. As soon as we reached the bottom of the stairs we were swiftly rejoined by Leina, Courtney, and Melissa who were probably staring at us with smug looks; not that I could really see them in the dark.

“How was spelunking?” Melissa asked us with a chuckle.

“Just what I needed to stay in shape,” I shot back. I stepped forward and threw open the double doors leading to the theater. It was a side door that allowed us quick access to the stage and subsequently, the area behind the curtain that was littered with spotlights, props, and ropes intertwined with pullies far above the stage. Leina, Melissa and I navigate the space easily, but I heard Aleah stumble more than a few times. For some reason I felt a twinge of satisfaction, knowing that I was more familiar with this place than she was. Was that really something to be proud of?

Sure enough, just toward the back of the stage we could see a sliver of light beneath a black door. It was a dressing room generally designed for the star of the show. Inside, the room was connected to the others via a long hallway, but it was mostly kept separate.

“What, did she turn into a damn hermit?” Aleah muttered.

“No,” Melissa laughed. “She just likes to have a space away from YOU.”

I stepped away from the group, pressing both hands against the release bar and practically storming into the room.

“Alright Audrey, I said loudly. “It’s time to-“

She was there, she was definitely there but it wasn’t what I was expecting, not at all. I expected to see her hunched over the makeup vanity with her laptop, playing video games as usual, but her laptop was nowhere to be seen, and she wasn’t sitting in the chair. Instead she was sitting cross legged on the floor, her head down, and dressed in the outfit she’d wear in the play. The lace-up bodice dress and chemise, but it was haphazard, the lace loosened, one shoulder pulled down as if she’d started to undress, but stopped partway. Around her I could see various feminine items; a contour kit, a few brushes, a wig, all strewn haphazardly across the floor. Most of all, I could hear the sobs emanating from her bowed head.

“Audrey?” I said softly. “Are you okay?”

“Hey, little sis?” Leina stepped forward and knelt on her haunches, coming to eye level with her. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“Why do I have to go back?” Audrey sniffled, after a seemingly long silence. “I don’t want to go back.”

“Go back where, Audrey?” Leina asked quietly. “You can’t stay in this room forever-“

“Go back to being him!” Audrey suddenly screamed, falling forward as Leina caught her. “When I get dressed up I look in the mirror I see ME. I see ME and it’s the ONLY time I ever see me! I want to be me, I want to be her, I want to be Audrey but it’s just a FUCKING costume! I’m hideous, I’m fucking hideous and I have to be…him…because people expect it. I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I can’t do it!”

Her sobs intensified, I glanced at Aleah and instead of seeing her usual, hard countenance I could see her beginning to break. She’d seen this before, with Jayne. Melissa shot me a sidelong glare and Courtney dropped to the floor next to Leina, doing her best to help reassure.

“Audrey,” Courtney said, placing a hand against her cheek and speaking softly. “You don’t have to go back, I promise, you can do this, you can transition, and you can be YOU. You can start today.”

“I can’t!” Audrey suddenly screamed, hurling herself away from Leina and dropping onto the floor. I cringed as I heard the sound of her impacting with the concrete floor. A dull thud. “I can’t do it, I can’t do it! Mom and Dad…and Mason…they all know Todd. They all expect HIM. I can’t be him. I can’t be here. I don’t…I don’t want to be here!”

What came next were pained screams, howls that ripped through the dressing room and filled the air with sadness. I’d never heard anyone cry like this, this was a completely new level. I could feel her sadness, I could sense it in the air, and there was nothing I could do about it. Suddenly, Leina turned and glared daggers at me.

“You want to do something useful?” She demanded. I nodded numbly. “Go get Mason right now.”

“Mason, open the door,” I cop-knocked against his dorm room door as hard as I could. “God dammit, Mason-“

Before I could finish my sentence, the door flew open and a rather annoyed looking Mason appeared in the entryway. He was dressed in a worn green bathrobe atop a white t-shirt, and his hair looked as if it had just gone through a blender.

“The fuck do you want?” He demanded.

“Mason,” I frowned. “Why are you asleep right now? It’s like seven-thirty in the evening.”

“Why are you showing up at my door like you know me?” He demanded. “If you’re looking for Todd, he’s not here. I don’t know where he is.”

“Yeah, but we do,” Aleah said softly but very pointedly. Mason stared at her for a moment.

“Give me like, five minutes,” He said, slamming the door in our faces. I stared at Aleah for a moment and began to speak, but then realized I had nothing productive to add. Instead I turned around and stared off the balcony, out into the distance where the main Woodcrest University building stood prominently. Now, more than ever, I really wanted to graduate and move on, this place was getting less and less appealing as of late. A few moments later, I heard the sound of the door opening, and as I turned, I saw Mason reappear with a coffee mug that said ‘Fuck You’ in block lettering. “Sorry, I got the feeling this was a conversation I wouldn’t be able to have without coffee.”

“Mason, I really need you to take this seriously,” I said, stepping a bit closer. “We need to tell you something about Todd, and it has to be fast because we’re going for a ride.”

“You’d BETTER make it fast,” Mason sighed. “And I’m not going anywhere with you, I have to get a nap in before the next Pantheon raid. Tell Todd to get his ass back here because he’s supposed to be my DPS and he’s left me high and dry the past two times. Ever since he let that bitch wake the Standard of the Dain the server is in shambles and everyone hates us as it is.”

“Um yeah, whatever that means, look it’s um…okay there’s no easy way to say this-“

“Todd is a girl,” Aleah interrupted me, stepping forward, finally. Mason stopped mid-drink but didn’t lower the cup. Instead, he simply held it, staring at her over the top of the rim. “Mason? Put the cup down and take this seriously.”

“What are you talking about?” Mason asked, his voice reverberating off the interior of the coffee mug.

“Mason,” I said. “Put the cup down and be serious, this is important.”

“I’ll put the cup down when I get some answers.”

“Okay, Mason, Todd has been avoiding you because…he’s been with us…learning how to be a girl…well, a woman. He didn’t want to tell you because…I guess he was afraid you’d…”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mason finally took the cup away from his face and stared at us. “Literally what did you get him into? Todd isn’t a girl…okay you know what? Take me to him, I’ll sort this crap you.”

“Wait,” Aleah said, stepping up again. “He already lost Chastity over this, he can’t lose you to.”

“Just fucking take me to him,” Mason growled. He reached a hand to the side of the door, grabbing what looked like his wallet and a set of keys, which he shoved into the pocket of his bath robe. “I’m going to sort out whatever this is.”

I cast a sidelong, concerned glance at Aleah, she returned a stony expression. This was even more telling than what had just happened with Chastity a few weeks ago. We were setting Audrey up for failure again but what could we do at this point? Mason would find Audrey, even if we didn’t take him to her, so what could we do? Cut and run? Yes, we could.

“You know what,” I said. “I was just kidding, about the whole thing, we don’t know where Todd is-“

“I don’t know much about you,” Mason said, shutting the door behind him. “But I do know you don’t have a sense of humor, take me to Todd.”

“Her name is Audrey now,” Aleah snapped. “Get it right.”

“Then take me to…whoever it is,” Mason sighed. “Come on, let’s go.”

“No,” I said, folding arms. “Not if you’re going to act like that.”

“Alright,” Mason shrugged. “He’s probably over at the theater where he’s been spending all his time, getting ready for that play, you know.”

“Ugh, Jesus, Mason, you can’t-“

“Look!” Mason said, finally shouting. “I’m not mad at…what the fuck, what’s his name now? I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at YOU, because you’re coming to me with this at this god awful hour and you’ve been hiding things from me for weeks. He was FINE before he met you.”

“She wasn’t fine,” Aleah said stiffly. “You need to stop thinking that. There’s a reason she broke into a sorority house and played dressup. That doesn’t just come out of nowhere.”

Mason stopped and blinked for a second, then shook his head.

“I’m going over there, with or without you, and I’m going to get to the bottom of this,” He informed us.

“Wait,” Aleah pulled out her phone and began scrolling. “Before you go, why don’t you talk to Leina?”

“Leina’s involved in this?” Mason asked, amused now. “Alright fine, let me talk to her.”

Aleah pressed the ‘call’ button and held the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Leina?” Aleah began to speak. “What? Yes, I found Mason. Yes, I’m capable of carrying out a simple task, Leina. No, I don’t have the brain of a rabid gopher. Leina, listen, I need you to talk to Mason- …yes, here he is.”

Mason practically snatched the phone from her hand and pressed it to his ear.

“Leina, what the fuck?” Mason demanded. “What? Okay.”

He ended the call and handed the phone back to Aleah.

“Well?” I demanded.

“We’re going over there,” Mason sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you two, or if it can even be pronounced, but we’re going over there to find out.”

It was a short walk from the dorm to the theater, which was to be expected considering the damn building was within line of sight from Audrey’s dorm. We walked around the side of the building and pressed on, toward the side door that Leina, Melissa, Courtney, and Kari had used maybe an hour ago, if that. It was propped open with a wooden doorstop, and we easily walked into the theater, this time on the ground floor, and right onto the stage.

“Through this door,” I sighed. “Mason, I’m warning you, be delicate, this is-“

“I think I know my best friend,” Mason growled. “I don’t need any input from you two.”

I closed my eyes in defeat as Mason walked toward the dressing room door. Finally, I opened them and followed him, cringing as he threw the door aside and stepped into the same scene that Aleah and I had stumbled onto earlier. Audrey, on the floor, sobbing, but this time looking even more crushed. I followed closely and watched as her eyes rose upward to meet Mason’s, a cry erupting from her lips as he approached. Leina rose from the ground, where she had been providing comfort and stood eye to eye with Mason.

“Mason,” She said rather cordially. “I’d like you to meet my sister, and your best friend, Audrey.”

“I’m sorry,” Audrey sobbed from the floor. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Mason asked, stepping closer. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“Because I’m this…because…I’m not who I’m supposed to be. I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“No, no no, fuck no,” Mason stepped forward, dropping to the ground and placing his hand on Audrey’s shoulders. “Look up at me, come on, look at me.”

Audrey’s head rose slightly, as if she were deigning to face the monster under her bed. Finally, her eyes met his, tear stained cheeks came to bear.
“Audrey,” Mason said, shaking his head and smiling. “None of that matters, it doesn’t mean shit. You know what matters? You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re brave, that’s what matters.”

“I don’t get it,” I whispered to Leina. “He seemed-“

“He was mad because he knew you’d been handling it, and he knew you sucked at it,” Leina explained. “He’s not the greatest at conveying his thoughts.”

“Leina,” Aleah said. “We need to get Audrey to-“

“No,” I raised my hand, silencing her. “This is more important, let GAT die. We deserve it.”

It was going to happen. We did deserve it.

“So,” Ms. Trace said, folding her hands atop the conference table as she regarded us smugly. “You’re telling me that after all of this, you’re not unable to produce Audrey, you’re just unwilling.”

“Correct,” Aleah nodded.

“She’s going through a lot right now,” I added. “If the chapter can’t stand on its own, without her, then so be it.”

“I see,” Ms. Trace nodded and shuffled through some papers on the table in front of her. “Then, unfortunately, or rather fortunately I think, it will be my recommendation to the board, and to Panhellenic, that this chapter be dissolved immediately. Honestly, I think you made the entire thing up to cover whatever kind of orgies you’ve been having in the house and that’s just not acceptable. Despite the actions of this chapter, Gamma Alpha Tau has an impeccable reputation on the national level. You shouldn’t be allowed to soil it any more than you already have.”

“That’s your opinion,” Aleah said as she pursed her lips. “Do what you need to do, and so will we. I’m sorry that you didn’t believe us.”

“To be honest,” Ms. Trace remarked as she gathered her papers and closed the binder. “It wasn’t that believable of a story in the first place. GAT, this chapter, doing that kind of philahtrophy project? You guys don’t care about progressive causes, you care about clothes, makeup, seeing how many positions you can fuck DEM jocks in. I’m going to give you a piece of advice, if you’re going to come up with a fabrication in the future, try to make it one that actually makes sense.”

I saw Aleah’s knuckles turn white as Ms. Trace stood from the table and shouldered her messenger bag, I thought for a moment she was going to launch herself across the table and rip her head off, which I can admit would be pretty awesome to see, but it never happened. The three of us turned our heads as we heard the conference room door click, and open slowly. Who the hell was that? Why would anyone actually burst into the conference room during a meeting? My jaw dropped, it was Audrey, but she didn’t…look like herself. Before when we’d dressed her up there was always a hint of that boyishness in her face, we could always tell, though I’m not sure if the rest of the world could. This time I barely recognized her; she was gorgeous, kind of geeky really. Her contour was in point, her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a few strands hanging down in front to give her that girlish look. She was dressed in a blue cami, a lot like the ones I wear, covered with a black cardigan and complimented with a knee-length black skirt. Who the hell made her up?

“Um, hi,” She said, waving nervously. “I’m Audrey.”

Ms. Trace stopped in her tracks and stared at her for a moment, blinked and then looked back to us, a frown forming on her face. Aleah nodded and gave a partial shrug.

“How do I know that’s true?” Ms. Trace demanded. “You don’t look…you don’t look like a transgender…woman.”

“I…put a lot of work into my appearance today,” Audrey smiled.

God damn right she did. Ellen sighed and set her bag down.

“I need to talk to Miss Audrey, alone,” She said, motioning us out of the room. Aleah and I both gave her a glance as we stood and brushed past her, entering the hallway and closing the door behind us.

“Should we stay and listen?” I motioned toward the door.

“I don’t really care,” Aleah shrugged. “We make it through this, or we don’t. I’m more worried about my new job.”

“Yeah, right, for Mr. Derringer,” I nodded. “What’s that like?’

“I’m an administrative assistant mostly,” Aleah shrugged but couldn’t hide the look of concern that was creeping onto her face. “But sometimes he’ll ask me to…deliver a package, or send e-mails that just…the whole thing just sounds weird, you know?”

“Weird how?’

“I just…I don’t know how to explain it,” She shrugged.

“Well when you do, will you let me know?” I suggested. We began to walk from the conference room, toward the living room where several of the remaining GAT members were either watching TV or doing homework. Courtney gave us a bitter look as we emerged from the hallway.

“So, here’s the situation,” Aleah said, addressing them. Lauren closed her book, Courtney straightened up in her chair, and another girl switched the TV off. “We thought the end was here, but Audrey burst in at the last minute, so maybe, just MAYBE there’s hope.”

“You know,” Courtney said. “Even if by some miracle the chapter survives, you’re going to have to make some changes around here. You can’t just keep lying about your philanthropy hours, you can’t constantly break the rules. We’re supposed to be representing Gamma Alpha Tau-“

“Aren’t you supposed to be applying to Omega?” I snapped, interrupting her. She looked back at me with a smirk on her face. I shook my head. Aleah wandered into the kitchen, I took a seat at the dining room table, scrolling through my phone and checking for updates. Nothing seemed interesting anymore, not compared to the drama that was unfolding in the house. I sighed, dropped it onto the table and placed my head in my hands. I didn’t have to wait long, I heard the door open, down the hall, and Audrey walked past. I opened my mouth to speak to her, but she was out the door before I could say anything. Shortly after, Ms. Trace appeared and called Aleah and I back into the conference room.

“I hate to say it,” She said to us. “But the story you told me SEEMS to check out. For right now, your chapter is safe, but there are other issues you need to address immediately.”

“Such as?” Aleah asked, as I stared in disbelief. What had Audrey told her?

“Such as you not meeting your member quota. Half of your members walked out it seems, and you’ve also lost quite a few pledges. I have no idea why, at this point I don’t care to find out but it has to be fixed.”

“We can’t do anything about it until next year,” Aleah pointed out. “We’re only a month into the school year, rush isn’t until-“

“Aleah, you have continuous open bidding,” Ellen pointed out. “You can still bring members onboard.”

“Where are we supposed to find members this late?” Aleah practically demanded. “All of the other houses have-“

“You have one new member, actually,” Ellen smiled. “I wanted to see how serious you were with your little project. If you actually consider Audrey to be a woman, then you’ll have absolutely no problem accepting her into your house. You have no choice actually, I’ve already had her sign the paperwork, it’ll be processed when I get back to Panhellenic.”

“What?!” Aleah’s jaw dropped. I facepalmed.

“And after you get done welcoming your new pledge, you can start looking for others. Also, Tiffany,” She said, looking directly at me. I raised my head and looked back at her.

“This house needs an external vice president, you’re the interim, until new elections can be held. We’re cleaning this house up ladies, get ready for a ride.”

“Hand me the mascara,” I said to Audrey, staring into her eyes and checking her eyeshadow. Beyond the door, I could hear the muttering of the audience and the shuffling of frantic feet behind the curtain. The show was almost on and in my opinion, Audrey was less than half ready. Audrey turned her head slightly and looked at the mascara bottle which was, by all rights, mere inches from both of us.

“Um, it’s right there,” She said. “Can’t you just-“

“Hand me the mascara, pledge,” I said, putting as much emphasis on the word as I could. “You’re not special, Audrey. If you’re going to be a Gamma Alpha Tau girl, we’re going to treat you like every other pledge in the house. You sure that’s what you want?”

Audrey reluctantly reached onto the table and picked up the black bottle. I snatched it out of her hand and placed my other hand on her forehead, pushing her back slightly in her chair and bathing her face in the dull yellow light emitted from the vanity mirror. Carefully, I held the mascara wand beneath her left eyelid, making sure to press the bristles against the lashes.

“Blink,” I ordered. She did. Her eyelash ran through the brush, dousing it in mascara. I moved the brush over slightly and said it again. “Blink.”

“Tiffany, I can do this myself,” She protested as I leaded in further, drinking in the utter discomfort that was more than defining her appearance now.

“No you can’t,” I said firmly. “You suck at eyeliner and mascara, we both know this. Blink.”

“Are you guys about done in here?” Melissa poked her head into the dressing room door.

“Yep,” I called back. “Just need to finish her mascara.”

“Alright, I need Audrey out here at the beginning, um, Tiffany you’re on in act two, you know your lines, right?”

“Uh yeah, the barricade thing,” I nodded, still doing my best to concentrate on Audrey’s eyelashes. The girl was a mess. Both of them.

“Yeah, the barricade thing,” She confirmed. “Get Audrey out here.”

“Moving as fast as I can,” I said offhandedly as Melissa disappeared into the hallway.

“Tiffany my neck hurts,” Audrey complained. I was still pushing back on her forehead.

“What year was Gamma Alpha Tau founded?” I demanded, smirking at her.

“What?” She asked, a bit fearfully.

“What year was Gamma Alpha Tau founded, pledge?” I asked again. Her eyes darted around the room, I could feel pressure from her forehead as she tried rather futility to squirm out of my grasp.

“Um..eighteen…ninety…six?” She asked, staring up at me.

“Eighteen ninety-seven,” I snapped. “Get it right. Gamma Alpha Tau, what does it stand for?”

“I um…I…”

“Two minutes!” Melissa called out from the hallway.

“Um?” I demanded. “Is that your answer? Did you just join for the pillow fights, or do you want to actually learn about our house? Come on pledge, speak up, I can’t hear you.”

“Um...Grace…Accutity…um…I…uh…”

“Come on,” I hissed. “It’s one word, it can’t be that hard.”

“Ten…tenacity,” Audrey said the correct word, finally. “Grace, Acuity, Tenacity-“

“Why?” I demanded.

“What?”

“Why does it stand for that?”

“I…I don’t know,” She admitted. I moved forward a little bit, practically straddling her lap and moving my face within an inch of hers.

“Because,” I said, allowing my hot breath to sear across her face. “In your life you must be beautiful, but you also need to be precise, alert, and ready to handle everything that comes your way. You need to be ready to perform and come out on top. What’s our mascot?”

“The…the lioness,” Audrey spoke correctly once again. I smiled a bit.

“Because the lioness embodies everything that Gamma Alpha Tau stands for. Beautiful, graceful, but ready to strike. Are you ready to strike, pledge? Probably not, but you will be.” I moved my hand away from her forehead and allowed her to climb out of the chair, watching her mount unsteady feet. “Now get out there, and perform. Do us proud, be a GAT girl.”

I literally smacked her on the ass and pushed her toward the door. She looked back at me almost fearfully. I almost grinned.

“Hey,” Aleah said, walking through the door. She must have just passed Audrey in the hall. “How’s our new pledge doing?”

“Hopefully in fear for her life,” I shrugged. “I’m not treating her any difference from the other girls.”

“Good,” She nodded. “So um, I forgot to tell you, we need to get a letter out to the athletics department, they want us to do a flag football thing with the other houses. You’re the external VP now, so…”

“Yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes a bit. “I definitely am. We also have that telethon, the fundraising event. Director Madson doesn’t want us to stay in the house, he’s setting up a bunch of table in the gym, and phones, and stuff. God I hope it won’t be televised.”

“I hope not either,” She laughed a bit. “Look um, after the play, tonight, we were planning on throwing a party, are you in?”

“Will there be wine?” I asked, half jokingly.

“Yeah, and beer, and boys, the usual,” She laughed. “We’re going to invite DAM over.”

“You mean DEM?”

“DEM is too snobby,” She snorted. “I want to get in trouble tonight.”

“The pledges can wait on us,” I laughed. “Make Audrey go through her paces, at least.”

“Yeah about that,” Aleah said. “If we have her working the party we need to keep an eye on her. She doesn’t know how to say no and I don’t want some DAM guy dragging her off. I mean, we know she likes girls and…we can’t have some guy sticking his hand up her skirt. Can you imagine?”

“Jesus, yeah,” I nodded. “I can keep her occupied, make her stay near us at all times, that should do it.”

“Just don’t torment her too much,” Aleah instructed. “I don’t want Ms. Trace to catch wind of us hazing her.”

“I think our actual hazing days might be over,”I sighed. “It’s too bad, I really wanted to mess with her.”

“Not true,” Aleah corrected me. “Hell Week is coming up, and Ms. Trace is off at Panhellenic.”

“We can’t put Audrey through Hell Week,” I laughed. “We can just like…send her over to Tri Pi to do pledge stuff.”

It was true, sometimes we loaned pledges to Tri Pi to do yard work; there was always PLENTY to do over there, from chlorinating the pool, to cutting the lawn, power washing the side of the house, it was a never-ending cess pool of manual labor and Sakiya was always happy for the help.

“No,” Aleah said, her eyes narrowing. “If she wants to be a pledge in this house, she’s going to go through the same things all the other girls do. Look, Tiffany, I’m pissed, okay? She went behind our backs and got placed with us on a COB. We didn’t have a chance to review her application or ding her out. I’m not saying we would have but I would have liked to have the option, you know?”

“I get that,” I agreed. Outside I heard the play starting, the opening number ‘Look Down’ was belted out loud and clear. “We could…just try to go easy on her though, right?”

“Nothing easy about being a woman,” Aleah shook her head. “She’d better learn that right now. Alright, I’m going to get out there into the audience. Um, break an arm, or whatever.”

“Leg,” I corrected. “Break a leg.”

“Right,” She shook her head and exited the dressing room. As she did, I caught a brief glimpse of a young girl, maybe eight or nine years old rocketing past the dressing room, an older girl close in tow trying to wrangle her. I hated kids.

“Makayla!” The older girl hissed. “Get back here!”

“My name is Michael!” A distant, squeaky voice shouted. “I don’t want to play stupid Eponine!”

Right, the younger Eponine. Whatever. Was this a theater or a petting zoo? I grabbed the folds of my dress and prepared to exit the dressing room. Before, I didn’t really want to do this, but now I had to admit I felt a little bit exited. I smiled as I walked through the door, it was our big night, I guess. I wish I’d known what was coming after.

“Pledge!” I called out to Cassandra from across the room. She was one of the few remaining pledges, and I had to get in all the fun I could. She looked up, staring at me from across the crowded living room and then made her way over, weaving through a line of dancing bodies belonging to both DAM and GAT members. I grinned a bit, noticing her discomfort at the entire situation. She probably wasn’t one for social settings; probably shouldn’t have joined a sorority then. As she neared, I pointed to the empty glass in my hand, rattling the half-melted ice cubes. “My glass is empty, pledge.”

Cassandra stared at me for a second, I looked her insistently, finally managing to get her to take the glass from me and walk toward the kitchen. I smiled inwardly; sure we were tormenting them but it would end as soon as hell week was over. If they could put up with our crap until then they totally deserved to be a part of our house.

“Enjoying the party?” Aleah asked as she sat next to me on the couch. I laughed.

“You know I am. I’m going to be honest, I expected to be packing up tonight, not throwing a party. Audrey really came through for us.”

“She did,” Aleah nodded. “We owe her big, but don’t let up on her. She wanted to be a GAT girl, and that means she gets everything that comes with it.”

“I’ll be sure to get the chocolate syrup ready,” I grinned.

“I was thinking apples to onions,” Aleah took a sip of her drink.

“Really?” I said. “You think they’re ready for that?”

“It’ll be a great way to kick of hell week,” She nodded. “See where their loyalties lie, you know?”

“Right,” I said in agreement. “Um…what about Audrey? Do you still want her to be a part of hell week?”

“Why not?” Aleah raised an eyebrow. “She wants to be a GAT sister, right?”

“Right,” I nodded. “But um…Leina might not be too happy about it.”

“Fuck Leina,” Aleah practically spat. “She needs to let her sister have the full college experience, if she keeps interfering then what’s all this for anyway? Oh hell, there’s Matt Proctor, I’m going to go dance.”

“Just dance?” Stared out at the living room and saw Matt grinding against another girl, I couldn’t even remember her name.

“Well, maybe ride his face a little.”

“Try to do it in your room,” I suggested. “That presidential suite is going to waste.”

As Aleah stepped away from the couch I craned my neck around the room and looked for Audrey. I spotted her easily, she’d been cornered by some huge DAM guy, he had her pressed against the staircase with a hand above her, on the wall. She looked uncomfortable as hell. I stood up immediately, and as I crossed toward her, I collided with Cassandra who had been returning with my drink. The contents of the glass splattered across my top and the glass fell to the floor, thudding quietly against the carpet. I glared at her.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, pledge?!” I demanded. Immediately stepping forward and pressing my chest against hers.

“I…I’m sorry,” She stuttered, stepping back. “I’ll clean it up.”

“Clean it up?” I shouted, moving closer and pressing my face toward hers. “What about my top? Do you know how much this cost? What the FUCK am I supposed to wear?!”

“I…I…I’m sorry,” She repeated.

I briefly considered making her switch tops with me, it would have been kind of funny to make her strip in the middle of the party, but my eyes wandered to Audrey who was growing more and more panicked at the advances of the DAM guy. Yeah, probably rightly so, if he groped her and found a penis we were going to have a problem on our hands.

“Clean it up,” I snapped. “Then get me another fucking drink.”

As Cassandra stumbled back toward the kitchen, I made a beeline toward Audrey and slapped the guy on the shoulder.

“Buzz off,” I told him, jerking my head to the side.

“Fine, cockblocking bitch,” He growled.

“Are you okay?” I asked Audrey. She was kind of cute today; I’d put her in this pink polka-dotted dress and bright pink lipstick. Okay, I’d made her look like a preteen, and I’d done it because I was bored, or maybe it was a sort of hazing on my part, I don’t know. Either way she was adorable and the guys were taking advantage of it. I needed to tone her down a little. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

I took her gently by the hand and walked to the right, winding around the stairs and pulling her up the steps until we reached the landing. I paused for a moment and then walked her to the bedroom. I had to find her something a little more dull to wear.

“What are we doing?” She asked shakily.

“I’m changing you,” I informed her. “Maybe something a little more…adult. I forgot what kind of pervs we were dealing with here.”

“If they’re pervs then why did you invite them over?”

“Sometimes I like pervs,” I laughed. “It’s just not working out well for you. Let’s see, do you want sleeves or now?”

“Uh, yeah, sleeves,” She nodded. I stood her in the center of the room and turned toward the closet, looking through the myriad of dresses that belonged to me, Courtney, and a few of the other girls. Audrey didn’t have too many of her own clothes, and the other girls didn’t really mind dressing her up in theirs; she fit pretty well after all. “Tiffany…can I just stay upstairs? Or go back to my dorm?”

“Absolutely not,” I snatched a gray dress from a hangar. It was plain, but it would still cling to her curves; what little curves she had. It was kind of a church dress to be honest, but it was still pretty cute. “This should keep them off you. When we go downstairs you’re going to clean up the meat and cheese trays and get the others out of the fridge. You’re pretty familiar with that, right?”

“Yeah,” She kind of blushed and looked down toward the floor.

“Yeah,” I cocked my head.

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” She corrected herself.

“I’m going to fix your makeup too, you look like a prepubescent girl, it’s drawing the guys to you like flies. We’ve gotta fix that.

“Okay,” She nodded. I handed her the dress and stepped forward to examine her makeup.

“We don’t have to do much,” told her. “Maybe cut back on the blush a bit and definitely change the lipstick. A lighter red will make you look like more of an adult…”

I suddenly trailed off as I examined her makeup. I don’t know what came over me, I honest to god don’t, but suddenly, leaned in and pressed my lips to hers, I became immediately aware of our lipstick smearing, her pressing back against me, and my hands clutching her waist. Almost as quickly as it started, I pulled back in utter horror as I stared at her, my jaw dropped, and I immediately pushed away from her as she stared at me in shock.

“Oh, shit.”

“Pledges!” I shouted out in my most convincing drill sergeant voice as I paced the floor in front of the lineup. We hadn’t quite replenished our ranks yet, but Tiffany and I had managed to wrangle three new pledges for the house. I couldn’t remember their names. “Today we have a very special challenge for you, and those who successfully complete it, will remain as a GAT pledge and will also be well on their well to becoming a full sister. Those who fail will face the possibility of immediate expulsion, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Miss Aleah!” The pledges shouted in unison. From the corner of my eye I glanced at Tiffany who stood against the bannister with her arms folded, eyes forward and looking a bit nervous. The past few days with her had been weird, she’d been acting completely different, especially around Audrey. I had to kind of dismiss it as her being nervous over Audrey being a new pledge, or maybe she was constipated. I looked around the room, saw the ceremonial candles lit, the Greek letters above our fireplace properly illuminated; the rest of the room covered in a subtle yellow glow. The setting was right, and this was one of the last big tests for the pledges.

“Today’s challenge will be very simple, each one of you will enter the conference room, and on the table there will be two items. An apple, and an onion. You choose one to bite, and remember, whichever one you choose, your pledge partner will enter the room after you and bite the one that you didn’t. How do you pick the right one? Reflect on your time in our house and come to your own conclusions. Choose what you should be leaving behind for your pledge partner. It’s all pretty simple if you think about it. So, with that being said, the first pair, um…Victoria and…whoever you are. Pick whose going in first.”

It went faster than I thought. I watched Courtney checking the room each time a pair of pledges left, taking a tally of who ate what, and Lauren would swiftly return to set up the room again. All in all it only took about an hour, and as I surveyed the pledges, I saw an awful lot of people in tears and utterly miserable. Shaking my head, I took the sheet from Courtney and addressed the pledges.

“Now, that you’ve gone through THAT,” I said to them. “The idea here, is teamwork. As the first pledge to enter the room, you should have bitten the onion. Why? Because taking one for the team is what GAT is all about. We’re strong women as individuals, but together we’re invincible. Now, let me see which of you got this right.”

I quickly scanned the sheet and nodded, noting that everyone had managed to complete the challenge successfully except…

“Audrey,” I said sharply, lowering the sheet and holding it against my hip as I stared at her. “Conference room, now.”

Without another word, I turned and made my way past the bannister and to the left, storming into the conference room. I could hear the others behind me. Tiffany, Lauren, Courtney, and of course, Audrey who entered last. She had a smug look on her face. God, what was that about? She looked pretty cute today, I would at least admit that. Her hair was definitely more feminine now, maybe her sister had helped with it? On top of that she’d finally gotten her wardrobe coordinated after maybe half a dozen trips to different thrift stores in the area. I couldn’t really approve of her buying from thrift stores but I also knew she wasn’t rolling in cash, so there was that. Good enough, right? Today she was dressed in a white skirt that stopped just above her knees and a tight blue top with a scoop neckline. Kind of 80’s. I would have to talk to her about that.

“Audrey,” I said, keeping my tone as even as possible while Tiffany and the others looked on. “Why did you bite the apple? You went in first.”

“Um, I thought the point was to come out on top,” Audrey shrugged. “I mean, the point of this house is to be a complete bitch, right?”

“The point is to work together,” Lauren said helpfully. “It’s about sacrificing yourself for your sisters. If you can’t do that then-“

“What have you ever sacrificed?” Audrey looked directly at me, cocking her head. Tiffany stared at her hard, her arms crossed over her chest.

“Audrey, I swear to god-“ I started.

“You’re singling me out because I have a dick,” She said to me in an accusatory tone. “If one of the other girls had-“

“If one of the other girls had done this,” I snapped. “They wouldn’t be in here talking to us, they would be out on their ass. Yeah, I’m singling you out, I’m giving you a second chance.”

“Nothing I do is fucking good enough,” Audrey protested. “Last week with the horse thing, this week with the apple, how am I supposed to measure up to your standard if you’re singling me out because I’m trans?”

“No one is singling you out, you silly bitch!” Lauren said, stepping in. “That’s the problem, you’re being treated like every other girl in this house and for some reason you can’t handle it. What happened to you? You suddenly get what you want, you’re out of the closet, you’re in a sorority, and now you’re turning into ‘Little Miss Thing’? Someone needs to take you down a few notches because the last few weeks have been absolutely unbearable.”

“I’m just acting like myself,” Audrey said angrily. “Maybe you need to lighten up and-“

“Screw this,” I said, crossing the room and reaching toward the door; Tiffany moved abruptly out of the way as I snatched the pledge paddle, hanging on the door handle. “Audrey, bend over that chair.”

“Um,” Tiffany finally spoke. “We…don’t actually paddle…pledges with the pledge paddle. That’s more of a ceremonial thing…I mean…”

“There’s a first time for everything,” I huffed. “Audrey, turn around, grab the chair and assume the position.”

“Excuse me,” Audrey said, standing her ground. “I’m not letting you spank me.”

“Yeah, you are,” I nodded, laying the paddle across my opposite palm as I glared in her direction. “Let me just put it this way. You pull your skirt up and bend over that chair, or you’re done. I don’t care what Panhellenic has to say about it. I don’t care what your sister has to say about it. You’re making life in this house unbearable because you’re having trouble adjusting and I’m going to put a stop to this crap RIGHT now. I get it, I really, really do. You’re trying to figure yourself out, you’re trying to fit in, but let me tell you something, you’re not fitting in, you’re acting like a self-righteous bitch and that stops today. Bend over, or walk, your choice.”

At that point, Audrey looked around the room, from Tiffany, to Lauren, to Courtney as if she were asking for help. It was understandable, these were normally sources of support for her, but now they simply stared at her, stone faced. They’d had about enough of her, maybe they were just as fed up as I was. A moment ago, she’d been arrogant, her expression smug, but now it was started to fall away, her eyes were filled with fear. Yeah, it was getting through. Slowly, but surely, she turned and grasped the conference chair, her body trembling.

“Feet back, come on, stick your butt out,” I instructed. She did.

“Aleah I’m sorry,” She said quietly. “I’m sorry okay?”

“You’re about to be,” I muttered. I stepped forward, took up a position behind her, and swung the paddle. I didn’t do it hard, not really, but she yelped like she’d been shot and nearly fell to the floor. “Oh my god, Audrey, be a big girl, would you?”

I waited patiently for her to straighten herself, sticking her ass out once again, her body still shaking.

“A sorority is about sisterhood,” I said, taking another whack and delivering it right to her bare ass. “We work together, or we don’t work at all. We sacrifice for eachother, or we die alone. That’s what it’s about, that’s why we’re here. We might seem to be snobbish, and stuck up, but at the end of the day, we function as a unit.”

“Okay, I’m sorry Aleah,” I heard her start to sniffle. Was she actually crying? “I won’t do it again, I promise-“

I cut her off with another smack, a little lighter this time. She still screamed, loudly. The girls out in the living room probably though I was torturing her.

“If you’re having trouble adapting, if this is all a bit too much for you, you need to talk to us, or to a therapist, whichever you can afford. Do NOT act like a little bitch, are we clear?”

“Yes,” She said, her voice cracking. I rolled my eyes and began to speak again, but was cut off by the sound of a text message, my phone vibrated across the conference table. I leaned over, glancing at the screen.

“Great,” I muttered. “Mr. Derringer wants me at the office. Tiffany, guys? Hit her like ten more times, would you?”

"The problem, Mrs. Parsons," Mr. Derringer said, walking to the other side of the conference table and resting his fingers against the sleek black surface. "Is that Miratran seeks to change people at their very core. A drug that forces them into a comatose state and pushes them to live out a fantasy of the user's choosing, forcing them to be someone that they're not with the expectation that when they wake up, they will simply BE that person. That works for a period of time, but at the end of the day, they're either going to revert, or you're just going to have a lot of broken people wandering around. That's why we broke with Miratran, and as a stockholder, you should be pleased."

“And you’re sure this is the right move?” Mrs. Parsons scribbled a few notes on a yellow legal pad before looking back toward Mr. Derringer who towered over here. She wasn’t intimidated in the least. I sat at the end of the conference table typing the meeting notes into a laptop provided to me by the company. I wasn’t sure why I was here; he could have done this with a tape recorder. This was one of the nicer conference rooms, a table made of solid tempered glass, black rolling chairs, a massive OLED screen set into the wall at the head of the table. Normally it was flashing the company logo, but today it was blank, for whatever reason.

“Mrs. Parsons,” Mr. Derringer, Michael smiled. “You have a son, Miles, is that correct?”

“You’re up to date it seems,” Mrs. Parsons nodded.

“What if your son, or your daughter, Brianna, identified as something…other than straight. How would you react?”

“I’d still love them, obviously, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Miratran is…how should I put this? The ultimate weapon in conversion therapy. By itself, it’s a mood regulator and works legitimately with decent effects. When combined with another catalyst however, it becomes something else entirely. Imagine a sort of…simulation if you will, manufactured by the resources of the mind. It forces a person to live a scenario or even an entire life as the person you want them to be. If a boy decided to be a girl, for example. The parents use the effects of Miratran to place the child in the mental state of the ‘boy’ they believe them to be and ensure that their body matches when they wake up. They won’t remember the dream, of course, they’ll simply go on living as their new persona. Pretty handy for some religious families if the heir to the family fortune turns out to be a flaming homosexual.”

“You’re telling me that…Miratran can do that? It can make someone live an entirely different life?” Mrs. Parson’s eyes were wide.

“A life that passed by in minutes in real time. The perfect tool for conversion therapy. I have it on good authority that Garron, the owner if Miratran used his own son, or daughter as a guinea pig. Sent her away to camp, she came back as a ‘he’, and all seemed to be going just fine, until he hung himself in his bedroom closet,” Mr. Derringer looked directly at me for a moment, I felt my right hand clench into a fist. I was shaking. “I assure you, our company and our stockholders can move forward without Miratran as a partner. Mrs. Parsons, I suggest you go home and spend time with your children; the world is a very dark place right now.”

“I think I’ll do just that,” Mrs. Parsons nodded. “Thank you for clearing this up, Michael.”

“Any time,” Mr. Derringer nodded as he showed her to the door of the conference room. “My secretary will show you to the lobby.”

Mr. Derringer closed the door slowly and turned, making his way toward the front of the table once again. The room was silent, the glass walls of the conference room permitted no sound to pass from the outside, and the only sound was the scuffing of Mr. Derringer’s shoes against the carpeted floor. The room was bathed in white light, but all I could see was red.

“The real reason, is money, of course,” Mr. Derringer said finally as he turned and placed his palms on the conference table. “If a product like Miratran becomes mainstream, it’s going to leave a lot of broken families behind. I can’t even imagine what will happen when the FDA gets ahold of it. We should probably be glad Trump pulled us out of the Human Rights Council; possibly the only thing he ever did to help us…in this situation at least. The problem Aleah is that we were partnered with Miratran because they were promising as a company. I should have examined their intentions a little more closely, because when this all hits the fan, and it will, they’re going to go after Miratran and everyone who was ever affiliated with them. This company will burn and there’s not a thing we can do about it unless we stop it before it starts.”

“I don’t understand,” I shook my head. “What can I possibly do about it?”

“Well,” Mr. Derringer said, walking slowly around the outside of the table in my direction. “I could take care of it myself, that would be easy, but you’re a good employee, you show a lot of promise. I think we could take our business relationship to the next level, and so I have a question to ask you, Aleah. Miratran has to go, it needs to go down in flames, and it needs to happen yesterday. Your friend Jayne died because her father believed he could change the natural order with a pill and a few implanted memories. He took her from you, you understand. So I’m asking you, Aleah, if I put the man in front of you, and I put a gun in your hand, would you pull the trigger?”

“You’re asking me if I want to kill James Garron?” I stared at him incredulously. On one hand it was a horrible suggestion; something I didn’t even want to think about. On the other hand, why wouldn’t I want to kill the man if I could get away with it? I stared at the laptop for a moment and tried to wish myself away. I knew what I was becoming, but after Jayne’s death, and Mr. Garron’s de facto takeover of the Woodcrest board, I was having a hard time separating what I should do, with what I was going to do. I guess the real question was, could I live with myself if I did it? Mr. Derringer was waiting silently, patiently just in front of me. I could hear his shallow breaths, complimented by my labored breathing. Finally, I said it. I had to say it. “Yes, I would do that.”

“Good,” Mr. Derringer nodded. “I’m going to give you the opportunity, and soon, I promise you, but it all starts with you.”

“What do you mean?” I furrowed by brow. “What could I possibly do?”

“I need you to something for me, and it involves a friend of yours. Audrey Remeika.”

“I want to ask you a very simple question, and you’re going to give me a straight answer, well, two questions,” Leina nodded as she pressed a button on the control panel, increasing the incline of the treadmill. Around us, the sound of pounding feet, dropped weights, and the occasional grunt resonated throughout the gym. Leina towered over us on her treadmill, dressed in a gray mid-riff tank top and a pair of skin tight black leggings. “Why are you asking this?”

“Well,” Tiffany said, stumbling over her words a bit. “I mean, Audrey…she doesn’t always listen to us and-“

“Is she supposed to listen to you?” Leina asked us, her voice filled with mock confusion. Tiffany sighed and tried to restart her line of dialogue.

“It’s…it’s kind of important, I’ve looked at…Theta Kappa’s list of…goals, and they want to this morality amendment before the school board. They want to make it so…you know, you have to be the one…gender to get into the sorority or uh..fraternity-“ Before Tiffany could finish speaking, Leina abruptly dismounted the treadmill and pushed past us, making her way across the floor and toward a set of weights.

“So you’re coming to me,” Leina said, as she began to perform a set of lunges, a ten pound weight in each hand. “Because she’s acting like the little brat you turned her into, and you want me to make her listen to you? That’s kind of pathetic, Aleah. You’re the sorority president. I’m not an expert on sororities, but she’s a pledge, you’re the president, you should kind of have her in your pocket.”

“Look, you know as well as I do that she’s…stubborn,” I sighed and stepped around Leina, leaning up against a stack of weights as she continued to perform her lunges. “Like, maybe we made the monster but there’s no way she wasn’t always stubborn.”

“Not wrong, but like I said,” Leina cleaned the weights and put them back on the rack, narrowly missing my fingers as she dropped them into their slots. “She’s taking her cues from YOU. Not anyone else, YOU. If I’d know she was trans before I never would have let her get into the whole Greek thing, I would have led by example and not turned her into a raving lunatic-“

“Okay bitch,” I interrupted her as I watched her grab an exercise mat off the wall and begin a series of stretches. “If you think we’re THIS much of a problem then WHY don’t you just pull the plug on this. She LISTENS to you. You could just tell her to quit and she’d be eating out of your hand. Then you could turn her into the ‘sister’ you want her to be.”
“Oh no, no no no,” Leina suddenly laughed as she assumed a planking position on the mat. “See that might work for you, then you’d be absolved of all responsibility. Me? I have class, I have extracurricular, most importantly I have SOME free time that I’d really like to keep. Teaching Audrey how to be a respectable young girl? That’s not on my radar right now. Deal with it.”

“Can you at least get her to listen to us?” I said, fully exasperated.

“Maybe you should try spanking her some more,” Leina suggested. I couldn’t tell if she was serious. “She was pretty calm for a few days after that.”

“I…Leina I can’t spank her every time she steps out of line.”

“Did you try candy?”

“What?”

“I mean did you try giving her candy every time she behaves? Look up Pavlov’s dog. Wait, you can read, right?”

I glared at her, though from her position on the floor it was doubtful that she could even see me, let alone my facial expressions.

“Bitch, I can read,” I growled.

“So tell me, what’s your plan, exactly? How are you going to put a stop to this Theta Kappa stuff? Audrey hasn’t quite caught on yet, but she will, I guarantee it. Then what?”

“Maybe she should catch on,” I muttered. “Then maybe she could see how serious this is.”

Leina suddenly leapt to her feet and turned to look at me.

“Okay look, Aleah,” She shook her head, face dripping with sweat as she spoke to me. “I know what you’re doing. You’re using Audrey to make your house look diverse and accepting. You’re going to use her to put an end to Theta Kappa because it makes YOU look good. You’re doing this for all the wrong reasons.”

“Do…you not care that Audrey will actually suffer if Theta Kappa gets their way?”

“It’s not the end of the world if Theta Kappa wins,” Leina said coldly. “Not even a little. You know what’ll happen? I’ll get my parents involved and we’ll move Audrey far, far away. Maybe send her back home for a while, find a college that’s a little more accepting. I mean jeez, North Carolina’s a terrible place to be a trans woman. We could ship her off to Michigan or maybe a nice school in California. Somewhere she’ll be safe. I’m not worried.”

“But what about the thing that happened in the bathroom, with Mike?”

Leina smiled at me but I could swear there was something much darker behind it, something I couldn’t place. For a brief moment I was literally afraid of her.

“Oh honey,” She said evenly with a hint of laughter in her voice. “Do you honestly, truly, really think that I’d let anything like that happen to her again? Audrey is my little sister and I’m going to do EVERYTHING in my power to protect her. And believe me, Aleah, I have a LOT of power. If anyone so much as touches a hair on her head I’ll bring down holy hellfire on the person that hurt her and then I’ll take her away from here. I’ll take her so far that none of you will ever see her again. I’m letting her have this college experience because she’s a young woman who needs some freedom. At the same time she’s a little girl whose just learning about the world. I’m not going to shelter her if I don’t have to but take me at my world when I say there will be blood if harm comes to her.”

She was serious, I could see it in her eyes. I shivered and stepped away, slowly at first and then bit my lower lip as I turned and made my way to the door. There was nothing more to be gained from talking to her and I felt her gaze on my back the entire way.

“Have a nice day!” The guy at the counter said as I blew by and practically ran toward the parking lot. Stepping down from the curb I made my way past a few cars and finally found my own parked comfortably between a blue Mercury Milan and a yellow bug.

“Yo, Aleah!” I heard the familiar sound of Shawn Derringer’s voice from a few cars over. I looked up to see him waving and offered him a pathetic half smile. I walked away from my car and met him halfway. “You look great.”

“Thanks, I just threw this together,” I sheepishly indicated my outfit.

“Well keep it up,” He laughed. “How have you been? It’s been forever since we talked.”

“You mean yesterday?” I laughed. “But yeah it feels like it’s been an entire year.”

“More like a year and six months,” Shawn joked. “I wonder why that is?”

“It’s almost like we’re characters in a story that the author forgot and just left sitting around?” I shrugged. “Almost like the author was going through some serious emotional issues and lashed out at everyone around them, slipped into an alcoholic depression and wrote some weird ass dystopian fiction instead of dealing with us. What a bitch, were the important ones.”

“Oh my god,” Shawn suddenly sighed and looked up toward the sky. “Hey, Audrissa, stop venting in the dialogue and just write the god damn story, okay?”

“Uh…” I looked around and then looked upward. “Who…literally who are you talking to?”

“What? No one,” Shawn shook his head. “So how’s the whole Audrey thing going?”

“Not so good,” I admitted. “You’ve heard about the whole Theta Kappa thing, yeah?”

“I saw the school paper,” Shawn admitted. “Isn’t a whole lot to be done about it at this point. I mean if Audrey needs protection we can bring her over to DAM. It’s a fraternity but we can give her a private room-“

“You can’t protect her, it’s not like Greek organizations are like…military.”

“True but-“

“We need to put a good spin on the whole thing and I need your help. I want to make Audrey the face of Gamma Alpha Tau. Can your dad get us a TV spot for some commercials?”

“What are you thinking?” Shawn eyed me curiously. “Like a PR campaign?”

“PR would be a good start,” I nodded “We need to show everyone on campus that she’s just a regular girl, that she has enjoys the same thing, has the same goals, same fear, same likes as everyone else. They need to not be scared of her.”

“But she’s not the only trans girl on campus,” Shawn told me. “What about that Kari girl? The one in Omega? Maybe you can coordinate something.”

“We can work on all of that,” I assured him. “But first we really need to work on getting a TV spot.”

“You’re going to need to do a lot more than that,” He took a quick look at his phone before putting it away. “What you’re doing affects the entire Greek council. You need to inform Panhellenic, I need to call the council together.”

“How long do you think that’s going to take?”

“We only meet like once a month,” He shook his head. “I can call an emergency meeting, given the circumstances.”

“Fine, do it. Oh, and Shawn? How big is your back seat?”

I walked into my room and tossed the car keys on the bed. With a loud sigh that half the house probably heard, I plopped down on mattress and began to go through my phone notifications. Most of it was stupid, some of it was straight from the GAT app. One of the messages pertained to Audrey apparently eating someone’s leftovers from the fridge which made me roll my eyes. Leina was right; she was imitating us but in my opinion she was taking it to an unnecessary extreme. It was time to have a conversation with her and it was going to be uncomfortable. I texted two words to her phone: ‘House, now.” It had to happen eventually I guess.

I slipped out of my blouse and grabbed a different from the closet; the old one smelled like sweaty gym sweat. After about thirty minutes I heard the front door open and as I walked out of my room I could see Audrey entering the foyer. I have to admit she was seriously cute when she was fully dressed, almost no trace of maleness about her other than the horrid attitude.

“Audrey, up here,” I beckoned. She smiled and waved in my direction, making her way up the stairs and turning at the landing.

“Hey, what’s up?” She smiled. “Is everything okay?”

This was getting weird already.

“We need to talk about your attitude,” I told her point blank. “You’ve been positively horrifying and we’re trying to work with you given your special circumstances but things are going to change around here-“

“Okay, I understand,” She nodded. I paused and stared at her. Why was she being so compliant? I thought the next part was going to be hard, but maybe not.

“Audrey, you’re a pledge and you’re walking around like you own the place. That’s going to top right now, do you understand?”

“I do,” She nodded. “And I’m really sorry for any trouble that I’ve caused. I guess I was just lashing out.”

“I-“ I stuttered and tried to pick my next words. I didn’t have a clue what was going on here.

“Okay anyway, as a pledge, you need to wear the pledge uniform, not to mention the pin-“

“Oh, can I wear the old one? It’s cuter!”

“Old…what, Audrey?” I was thoroughly confused now.

“The old pledge uniform, it’s super cute and I’ve always wanted to wear it!”

“Old…unifo….the one from the 80’s?!”

“Yeah!” She nodded happily. “It’s so cute and I really want to do better. Can I wear it?”

“I…I think we have them in the basement, I guess?”

“Thank you soooo much,” She clasped her hands together. “And I’m going to try to do better, I promise, I really do. What do you want me to do?”

“I…what…” What was she playing at? Was this a joke? I started to turn the situation over in my mind and then it clicked, it completely clicked.

“Oh my god,” I stared at her for a full minute before remembering the pill I had dropped into her water bottle. Mr. Derringer had told me it was a mood stabilizer and to be honest, I was trying to get her under control but this? This was way beyond what I was trying to do. I swallowed hard and looked at her, completely eager and willing. “Um, I…Audrey I need to think.”

“Oh I can go down stairs and sit on the couch or something,” She nodded. “You can call me up when you’re ready.”

“I….no,” I shook my head. “ Just…go find something productive to do okay? I need to think. Just…something, I don’t know.”

“Okay!” Audrey said cheerfully as she literally skipped away. I watched her round the banister and practically float happily down the stairs. I mouthed the words ‘Oh my god’ as she disappeared into the basement. I immediately called Tiffany and told her to get her butt over to the house and then brought up Mr. Derringer’s number.

“Hello? Aleah?” Mr. Derringer answered the phone.

“Uh, hey, Mr. Derringer, I need to talk to you, it’s kind of an emergency.”

“Well I’m always here for you, Aleah, what is it?”

“Okay let me lay it on you. That sample of Miratran you gave me? You said it was a mood stabilizer by itself, and that it needs to be activated with a second part. I gave it to Audrey because I thought it would calm her down.”

“How did that go?” He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

“You’re not even angry?” I asked, a little incredulous but also apprehensively.

“Well no, I want to know what it did,” He said nonchalantly. “Did it calm her down?”

“In a manner of speaking, she’s just doing whatever I say, like she has no inhibitions.”

“Yeah, that was one of the side effects, I gave you a whole list, did you read it?”

“No I didn’t read it! I’m a sorority president, do you think I read?!”

“You’ll have to work on that Aleah. Don’t worry, the effects will wear off in a few days. In the meantime I would keep her away from any MLM peddlers and definitely keep her away from churches.

“That’s it?! That’s the advice you have for me?!”

“Hey Aleah?” Audrey interrupted my call, I looked up and nearly died. She was dressed in the old pledge uniform with the round collar and the pleated skirt that went to her knees. To make it worse, the entire thing was pepto bismol pink.

“This…is not happening,” I shook my head.

“Everything okay, Aleah?” Mr. Derringer asked. “You going to be able to make it to work today?”

“I have to call you back,” I said, hanging the phone up in a complete panic. “Audrey you can’t wear that, it’s a crime against fashion.”

“Okay, I understand,” She nodded and began to pull the top over her head.

“No, I don’t mean take it off now!” I lurched forward and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling the top back down. “Don’t strip on the balcony, just, I mean, you have to…I don’t know, there are other pledge uniform! You don’t have to dress like Alice in GAT land, that’s not what I meant! I’ll find you a different uniform, I promise.”

“Oh I hope it’s cute!” She giggled. My face flushed. I took her by the arm and literally dragged her into my room, ordering her to sit on the bed. She straightened her skirt from the back and sat down, folding her hands over her lap and smiling at me. I checked my text and messaged Tiffany again.

“Okay, Audrey, listen to me carefully. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING I say, okay? You understand that, right?”

“But I thought that was the problem,” She said, her face wrinkled in confusion. “I haven’t been doing my part and I’ve been kind of bitchy. It isn’t fair to you or the rest of the house. I really need to be a team player.”

“Yes, but you have to have your own personality,” I argued. “Look, you don’t…you don’t need to be a doormat. I know it might seem that way right now but you can be your own person!”

This wasn’t happening. This COULDN’t be happening. No way. Miratran couldn’t possibly be that effective and even if it was, Audrey was too much of a bitch to be affected like this. I absolutely refused to believe it.

“Okay, okay, I know, Audrey, I want you to make your own decisions, okay? I know it seems like you can’t but I’m telling you do, okay?”

“Okay,” She nodded.

I thought hard for a moment and then walked over to my makeup vanity, grabbed a handful of lipsticks. I tossed them on the bed beside her, then stepped back, my arms folded.

“Pick one, put it on,” Pointed.

“Which one?”

“Decide on one you like,” I instructed. “I’m not going to tell you which one to wear, just pick.”

She looked at me and then looked at the pile of lipstick. She finally picked up one of the assorted tubes, popped the cap and applied it to her lips. Okay, so she COULD Make a decision on her own, that was a good sign. Maybe this wouldn’t be so problematic after all.

“It looks good on you,” I smiled with relief.

“You too,” She smiled back.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I picked it because it’s the one you’re wearing.”

I turned around and looked in the mirror, my mouth hanging open. Magnetic Mahogany – the color shed picked. Oh my sweet fucking Jesus. Below, I heard the door open and the familiar sound of Tiffany’s platform heels pounding up the stairs.

“This better be good, bitch,” I heard Tiffany growl from the edge of the stairs as she made her way to my room. I turned and stared at Audrey who sat on the bed, smiling sweetly and literally waiting for her next set of instructions. As far as I could tell the drug had simply erased all of her inhibitions and made her completely open to suggestion. Tiffany appeared at the door and stepped beside me, stealing a glance at Audrey. “Why is she wearing that?”

“I uh, asked her to wear the pledge uniform,” I explained. “It’s standard for, you know…”

“That’s the pledge uniform from the 80’s,” She pointed out as if I didn’t already know that. “why didn’t you put her in the other one? She looks like a pink lollipop or something.”

With absolutely no warning, Audrey stood from the bed and walked over to us, embracing Tiffany and burying her head in her shoulder. Tiffany looked at me, eyes wide. I shook my head with no clue what was happening either.

“I missed you so much,” Audrey told her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“What the hell?” I mouthed.

Tiffany placed her hand on Audrey’s shoulders and gently pushed her away, looking into her eyes.

“Audrey, are you okay?” She asked. “What’s going on?”

“I’m just really happy to see you!” She explained happily

“Aleah?” Tiffany turned to me. “Is she sick? What’s going on?”

“I…okay, so Mr. Derringer gave me a sample of Miratran, he told me that by itself the thing works as a mood stabilizer and I thought it would get Audrey to stop acting like a cunt, so I slipped some into her drink when we were doing the fundraiser. Ever since then she’s kind of been acting like this- I stopped speaking as I noticed Tiffany’s eyes going wide. Her expression changed from one of surprise, then to shock, and suddenly anger.

“You drugged my FUCKING girlfriend?!”

I bit my lip as I stood outside the gymnasium doors. I sighed a bit; I really didn’t want to do this, not in the least, but GAT had to at least do SOME philanthropy, right? The event in question was a phone bank – a tradition I was super familiar with. The idea was to get as many of our pledges and actives together to make calls to complete strangers and beg for money. Okay, maybe I’m oversimplifying it. I sighed and turned toward a bathroom off to the right, the ‘Women’s sign was a little crooked, probably from some idiot jumping up and trying to slap it. After a short, swift walk I pushed through the wooden door and bounded around a brief corner, into the bathroom. As I transitioned from the antique style hallway that dominated the majority of Woodcrest’s campus, my eyes were assaulted by bright white tile and modern sinks bathed in fluorescent light; I blinked a bit to allow my eyes to adjust. As I did, I took notice of Tiffany standing at the far side of the room touching up her makeup in the mirror.

“Hey, Tiff,” I called out. I didn’t have to speak loudly, the sound carried far better in this bathroom than it should have, anything louder than a whisper would probably make your ears bleed. She glanced over in my direction and then returned her attention to the mirror.

“Sup?” She asked nonchalantly.

“Have you seen Audrey?”

As soon as the words left my mouth, she dropped the gloss wand right into the sink. If she hadn’t been wearing so much makeup I probably would have witnessed the color draining from her face.

“What the hell, Tiffany,” I demanded, my tone probably incredulous. “Why are you acting so WEIRD lately? Everytime Audrey is near you, you practically try to climb up walls to get away from her. Like, are you afraid of her all of a sudden?”

“That’s none of your business!” Tiffany shrieked. She discarded the tube of lip gloss into the trash and then rushed past me, blowing through the bathroom door, leaving behind nothing but the sound of her heels pounding against the hardwood floors outside. I shrugged and walked to the counter, setting down my bag and pulling out a bottle of water. The lid’s seal clicked as I twisted it and dropped it onto the counter. Taking a deep breath I reached into my bag once again and drew out an orange pill bottle. I pursed my lips as I read the label. Miratran. I tried to recall what Derringer had said to me, then simply shrugged and pulled one of the white capsules from the bottle. I rolled it over in my fingers for a moment and then dropped it into the open water bottle. It fizzled for the briefest of seconds, and then dissolved entirely into the water. There wasn’t a single trace of the drug anywhere within the clear water. If we were being honest, that was a little scary. I screwed the lid back onto both containers and tossed them into my bag. Turning toward the door I gave myself a sidelong glance in the mirror and sighed.

“You really are a bitch,” I said to myself, shaking my head and walking hurriedly toward the bathroom door. A second later I was back, outside the doors of the gymnasium, pushing them open and walking into a scene of long, folding tables, phones, and GAT members setting up for the event.

“Hey everyone, listen up!” I called out as I crossed into the gym. All at once the chatter ground to a halt as the thirty-five or so girls ceased their activities and looked in my direction. The tables were arranged in a sort of rectangle with an open end, leaving me plenty of space to stand in the center. “Okay, I want to make sure everyone has their uh…list of phone numbers, remember we’re all hitting different businesses, and I know the paper says we’re raising for the American Heart Association but someone bombed the Planned Parenthood on Riker Avenue yesterday so we’re collecting for them instead. The number is um…I…shit, okay, I’m going to post it on the GAT board. Anyway, make your calls, try to sound convincing, and most importantly, stay hydrated! We don’t want anyone passing out this time, our insurance won’t cover it!”

I wrapped up my speech and watched the girls get back to work, setting up phones and reading their call sheets. God, I hoped we could raise at least a thousand dollars, but it wasn’t going to be from Audrey, I seriously doubted her communication skills. As I looked around, I quickly spotted Audrey sitting near one of the corners of the rectangle, probably for a quick escape if she got nervous. I walked toward her, finally stopping in front of the table just across from her. She didn’t even notice me; too busy setting up the phone.

“Yo, Audrey,” I snapped. I can’t even describe the fear in her eyes as she looked up at me.

“Um, hi,” She said, though it was almost phrased as a question.

“You got your list?” I asked, placing a palm on the table and partially supporting my weight. Her eyes went wide as if I’d just invaded her personal space. She nodded and pointed to her purse.

“It’s not going to do you any good in your purse,” I sighed. “Get it out, get started, god.”

“Sorry,” She muttered, opening her purse and pulling out a folded sheet of paper.

“Why are you so nervous? Whatever, did you bring water?” She shook her head at me. Of course she hadn’t brought any water. She spaced food half the time, so why not water. I reached into my bag and passed her the water bottle. “Drink something, you don’t want to do this all dehydrated.

I watched quietly as she removed the lid and took a few sips, and then a gulp.

“This water tastes like ass,” She said, frowning and bunching up her forehead.

“Best I have,” I shrugged. “You ready?”

“I…I really don’t know how to start,” She admitted. I think she was shaking. The other girls around her were already busy on their own calls. “I don’t know how…to talk to people and…”

“You just read off the script, you get them to give you money. Honestly it’s really easy, they give money every year, most of them, I mean. Okay let me put this another way, um, if they were planning to donate, they’re going to donate. If they weren’t planning on it, they’ll just make up an excuse or say no thanks. You don’t really have any control over the outcome.”

She took another sip of the water, made a face and nodded. Hesitantly, she lifted the phone from the receiver, I smiled and tried to encourage her a bit. She dialed the first number on her list and held the phone to her ear.

“Hi, um,” She started. “This is…I’m Audrey Remeika from uh…Gamma…Alpha Tau and I was calling to see if you’d be intere—”

“Follow the script,” I said, pointing to the sheet of paper in front of her.

“I mean,” She stuttered. “We’re calling on behalf of um, Planned Par— Hello? Hello?”

“Try the next number,” I suggested. “Try not to sound like as much of a spaz this time.”

She obediently picked up the phone and dialed the next number.

“Hi,” She went through the same spiel. “This is um, Audrey from Gamma Alpha Tau, I’m calling on behalf of- What?”

I frowned and leaned in, straining my ears to hear the voice on the other end.

“They’re letting guys into sororities now?” The voice on the other end squawked. It was an old lady. “You listen to me, back in my day-“

“Hey!” I shouted, grabbing the phone from a stunned Audrey. “Why don’t you mind your own business, you piece of shit? I didn’t know they let half-dead old ladies run businesses. Shouldn’t you be planning your funeral—hello?”

“Um, that was Zimmerman’s, the really big cheese shop…place downtown,” Audrey said, looking down. “I don’t think I should be-“

“No, no no,” I interrupted her. “You’re fine, I’m going to get to my own phone, but Tiffany is right over there, you could always ask her for tips.”

At the mention of Tiffany, Audrey’s eyes went wide and I think I watched her physically sink into her wooden chair. What the hell was going on with her and Tiffany? I shrugged and stepped away from the table, ready to head over to my chair when I noticed a familiar face standing near the edge of the gym, by the exit doors. Mason. Audrey’s best friend. I looked around, casting a glance at Audrey; she was busy chattering away on the phone, or making an ass of herself. She hadn’t seen him. I quickly made my way over to the door and watched Mason exit. I followed him and suddenly found myself face to face with both him and Leina.

“Uh, hi guys,” I nodded. “We’re a little busy in there so-“

“Did you spank my sister?” Leina asked, folding her arms.

“What?” I frowned and looked at both of them. What did that matter?

“She says you spanked her,” Mason shrugged. “I’m just curious.”

“Yes, I spanked her,” I admitted. “She was being a little shit.”

“Okay,” Leina shook her head. “I’m not going to get into sorority politics. I’m sure you guys spank eachother and have pillow fights all the time, but your house has a problem.”

“And…what kind of problem is that?” I demanded. “The kind where I need to get back to the phone so I can actually PARITICPATE in our philanthropy project?”

“You’re just going to scroll Facebook the entire time,” Leina said. She was probably right. “But Audrey is acting like a bitch because she’s imitating YOU guys. Maybe she’s doing it poorly but you’ve given her a pretty poor impression of what a woman is supposed to be-“

“Okay listen,” I said sharply, but Mason raised his hand.

“Besides that,” He told me. “You’re really doing a good thing here. Audrey is…happy. Happier than I’ve seen her in a very, very long time. I was stupid, I couldn’t see this was who she was and she was afraid to tell me, dunno why, but she came to you for help and you delivered. I really appreciate that. You got me my friend back.”

“Well technically they tied her up and-“

“Thank you,” I interrupted her, speaking directly to Mason. “She has a long way to go, but she’ll get there.”

“If you all stop acting like bitches and teach her how to be a lady,” Leina interjected. “I live over on the east campus, there’s only so much I can do.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “We’ll work on it.”

“Great,” Leina said. “And for the love of god, next time don’t leave marks.”

“Audrey!” I called out, down the stairs as I pounded down the steps, clutching a manila envelope. “Audrey where the hell are you?”

“Calm down,” Courtney said as she passed me on the way to the back of the house. “She doesn’t live in the house, she’s probably at her dorm.”

“Oh…right,” I nodded. I often forgot that she didn’t live here yet. That was something we would probably be dealing with next year. I looked at the folder in my hand, kind of dreading going out in the world today. It was a Saturday after all. I noticed Tiffany standing in the kitchen staring blankly at the counter. “Hey, Tiffany, can you run this over to Audrey?”

“What the fuck?” She demanded, sort of stumbling away from the counter “Why do you suddenly think I want to be around Audrey all the time?!”

“For the last time,” Sighed. “What happened between you and Audrey? Did she borrow your lip gloss without asking?”

“Whatever,” She snapped. “I’ll take it over-“

“You know what, I’ll do it,” I walked toward the door, feeling Tiffany’s eyes on me the entire way. For the briefest moment I considered turning around and forcing me to tell her what the deal was, but I instead simply opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch. The first thing I noticed was the paint peeling on our front porch; it was probably time to get the pledges on that. Then again we could probably borrow the DEM pledges, that would be a lot better to look at. The second thing I noticed was the darkening sky; even though the Woodcrest dorms were in plain sight less than a mile out, there was no way I’d walk there and risk getting my new top drenched. I could either use my car or take the GAT van, and a few days ago we’d gotten a letter from national about excessive fuel use, so I guessed I’d have to use my own today. I hopped into the car, pulled out, and drove the .8 miles over to the dormitory.

I’d always gotten stupidly confused whenever I visited Audrey’s dorm; there were three buildings, side by side, and all of them were identical. Tiffany had finally pointed out to me that Audrey’s dorm was the one with the single dead shrub outside below the second window; that helped a little. I passed the shrub and pushed into the lobby. It was a mess, really. The white tile floors were stained with footprints, the light in one of the vending machines was flickering like something out of a horror movie. I stared at the machine for a moment and watched a bag of ‘Fritos’ flicker in and out of view with the light, then turned toward the elevator. It was still out of service. God dammit. I resolved to take the long way and trudged up the stairs, finally stopping at the 5th floor and emerging onto the open air balcony. The rain had started and the smell of petrichor was floating in over the railing. I walked to Audrey’s door and tapped lightly with my knuckles, waiting a few moments as the door finally opened. Mason stood there, dressed in a bathrobe as usual, but with his hair unusually messy and the room behind him uncharacteristically clean. I’m just going to say right now, it’s bad when you notice a room is clean the moment someone opens their door.

“Oh um, hey…Aleah,” Mason said, tripping over my name momentarily.

“Hey Mason,” I smiled. “I’m looking for Audrey-“

“Not here,” He shook his head. “She went um…I…don’t know where girls go. I need your help with something though…”

“Um, sure,” I nodded, trying to appear mildly interested as Mason waved me into the dorm room. The entire thing was clean, even Mason’s side. The place smelled good, like it had just been steam cleaned and both beds were made. “Mason, what happened here?”

“Aleah,” He said, finally, practically gasping. “I’m…having a total panic attack.”

“Sorry, what? Why?”

“I’ve never lived with a girl before, Aleah, like, I want everything to be perfect but…how do I make it easier for her? Like, where does she put her girly stuff in the bathroom? What kind of air fresheners do I get? Does she use tampons now? Like, I have so many questions and I don’t want her to feel weird here-“

“Mason,” I frowned. “Are you…on drugs?”

“Maybe a little?” He phrased it more as a question, as if he didn’t really know for sure. “I just-“

“Trans women don’t use tampons,” I informed him. “And she’s the exact same person you knew before, you just call her she, or her now instead of he and him. Look, the weirder to make it, the more weird she’ll feel-“

“I was going to put a sheet up between our sides of the room so she wouldn’t feel weird getting changed,” Mason stared at the ceiling as if he were trying to figure out the logistics of such a feat.

“Did she ask you to do that?” I asked, staring at him expectantly. “If she didn’t, wait until she says something, or ask her if she’d like that. Don’t make a bunch of changes if she doesn’t want it.”

“How do I know if she wants it?”

“I…I don’t know Mason,” I rolled my eyes and then remembered the manila envelope in my hand. I held it out to Mason who took it gingerly in his hands and turned it over curiously. “Okay, so part of being in GAT is a mandatory exercise program, we want our members to stay fit, I go to the gym twice a week, but since Audrey tends to get her ass kicked, I had her enrolled in a martial arts program. Well, self defense I guess. Anyway, the details are in there, she needs to go on…Tuesday and Thursday after class. Okay?”

“You guys…are taking good care of her, right?” Mason looked concerned. “Look she’s been my friend for…my entire life and I somehow missed ALL of this. I feel bad, like…I should have been there for her.”

“I’m not your therapist, Mason,” I said firmly, trying to avoid snapping. I really didn’t have time for this. “Just give her the packet and…for god’s sake, mess the room up a little, this is creeping me out.”

I left the dorm room and made my way back down to the first floor, sweating by the time I dismounted the staircase and bounded out the front door. As I stepped onto the sidewalk, I ran into Mike, who was making his way into the dorm with a stack of papers in hand.

“Um, Mike?” I tilted my head. “What are you doing here?”

“Cool your shit,” He said, annoyed. “I’m not here to beat up your pet, I’m hanging up these fliers.”

He handed one of the sheets, a black and white flier advertising a brand new fraternity on campus. Theta Kappa.

“YOU’RE in a fraternity now?” I said, smirking a little. “I didn’t think you were a joiner.”

“Finally found a cause I can get behind,” He shrugged. “And you know what? Once we start making the rules on the Greek council, we’re going to get that faggot out of your house, and out of this school.

“I wish you the best of luck with that, Mike,” I laughed as I turned and walked away, resisting the urge to look over my shoulder. As I walked toward my car I couldn’t help but wonder how serious he was, and if he could actually do that. I had a bad feeling and I couldn’t shake it.

“At least the phone bank went well,” Tiffany said from across the desk. She was trying to cheer me up; in the past that would have been unusual for her but even I could tell that something was different. She was changing, we all were.

“We raised six thousand dollars,” I said, placing the school paper on the desk. “That’s like, what enough to pay rent for a month at Planned Parenthood? Maybe they could buy a box of bandaids. Has Audrey seen this?”

Tiffany tilted her head forward and brushed a strand of golden hair away from her face as she scanned the headline once again. She didn’t need to; she’d seen the paper already. The house beyond the door of my office was quiet; our members were at their respective classes, and Audrey? Who knew where Audrey was.

Theta Kappa to Challenge Gender Identity Statutes at Woodcrest

That’s what it said. Black ink, block letters, all the way across. The rest of the article was a sham, and maybe a few years ago I would have just ignored it, but Theta Kappa was larger than I’d expected. It had grown to one hundred members while we weren’t looking, and they even had multiple houses to support it. Why had no one noticed? Where had this come from, exactly?

“If she has eyes, probably,” Tiffany shrugged. “Does she comprehend it? Questionable.”

“I don’t like this at all,” I pushed the paper away, the brief rustling sound a brief interlude to the noise of cars, passing by on the street just outside the window. “Okay, so the gender identity thing is…one thing, it’s horrible but it’s just the start. Theta Kappa says that they want to ‘restore morals to Woodcrest’. How far are they going to go? What’s next, do I have to start wearing knee length skirts?”

“Red dresses, probably,” Tiffany nodded. “Under his fucking eye, I guess.”

“But can they get away with it?” I wondered. “Can they really make that much of a change here?”

“Well let’s do the math,” Tiffany said. I choked back a laugh, had she ever been good at math? “Garron bought his way into the board of directors here, so he has…some influence. He’s backing Theta Kappa, he bought them their houses. If he wants something he can just throw money it until it happens so I would say yeah, they can probably do it.”

“What do we do?” I was the president of GAT, and I usually had the answers, but the school board was always one monster that I couldn’t overcome. They had final say in everything, and now it looked like they were using Theta Kappa to bring Woodcrest back to the stone age.

“You know what I learned from watching The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu?” Tiffany asked me.

“What the fuck is The Handmaid’s Tale?” I furrowed my brow. “Is that like…a video game?”

“Okay, so in the show,” Tiffany said, rambling as if I had a clue what she was talking about. “Canada is kind of a safe haven for women or whatever, but it’s not as good as you think. See, Canada does what’s best for Canada-“

“Why are we talking about Canada? We’re in North Carolina-“

“But, Canada cares about the women and people from the US because their PEOPLE care about it. If the people stopped caring, they would just…do whatever and protect their own people you know?”

“So…” I said, staring at her as if she had three eyes. “You mean we have to show Woodcrest that we care?”

“You know how many times you’ve run for student body president? You know how you never get it? That’s because no one turns up to vote. A lot of people like you, but if they don’t vote, nothing happens. If you want something to happen, people need someone to follow.”

“Um, who would they follow?” I stared at her again and glanced back down at the paper. What on earth was she even talking about? “You?”

“What?” Tiffany frowned and stared at me. “No, I mean…we have someone who is trans, looks…really, REALLY cute, and can kind of put a human face to all of it. Look, Aleah, we’re Gamma Alpha Tau, we might not be at the top of the Greek totem poll but we ARE on the council and we should have a say. We can stop this before it turns into an absolute disaster, right?”

“It already IS an absolute disaster,” I sighed. “So you want to use Audrey to launch some kind of campaign against Garron and-“

“I want people to sympathize with her, be a person they can get behind. I mean look at her, Aleah. She’s…amazing, ABSOLUTELY amazing, she’s beautiful, she has this soft voice that just…resonates with you and I love the little faces she makes when she’s eating and thinking at the same time-“

“Tiffany,” I cut her off and cocked my head. She stopped speaking and blinked. “What the hell?”

“I just mean we really need to get in front of this, so let’s do it,” Tiffany said quickly. I continued to stare, what the hell had just happened?

“Audrey’s motivation isn’t exactly…the best,” sighed. “We need Leina to give her a push, so how do we find Leina?”

“Leina’s at the eastern campus,” Tiffany said, standing up. She tugged the hem of her top and pulled it back down to meet the top of her jeans. It was a silky tank top; normal for her really. I’d gone pretty casual today, just a white t-shirt, skin tight as usual; something to show off my boobs. I rose from the desk, carefully picking up my purse and slinging it over my shoulder. “If we can find her, we can run the idea by her and-“

“Tiffany,” I said, cutting her off again. “What IS the idea? What exactly are we going to do? I mean, are we going to have her post a blog or something? Hand out flyers?”

“No,” Tiffany said, shaking her head as she turned toward the door. “We’re gonna have to go a lot bigger than that.”

Note: This story takes place during Book 3: Finding Audrey

I waited a full minute for the Dark Pantheon screen to finish the loading sequence and I kind of sighed; it had been taking forever lately and I really wanted to know what was wrong. It definitely wasn’t on my end; this wasn’t even my computer. No matter, my character loaded into the city of Wertheral and I was finally able to survey my surroundings. Though I had become increasingly disinterested in the game over time I still felt very much at home here with my character. Creating Audri was really the first time I’d actually managed to present as a girl without feeling embarrassed about it. Now, here I was sitting in a room in the Tri Pi sorority literally wearing a dress, hose, and heels like it was normal. Alicia had done my makeup and Melanie placed a warm compress on my sprained ankle. I’d told them over and over again that I could just go to the hospital, but they insisted I let them help me. Weird, right?

I began to move my character, but then I noticed that the mail icon in the upper right-hand corner of the screen was blinking. I almost didn’t check it; nearly no one uses in-game mail which meant it was probably from the system. Maybe an even reminder. Who knows? For whatever reason, I decided to walk my character over to the mailbox and take a look. It wasn’t a system mail, just a single letter from ‘GreyGirl17’. What the hell was this? I double clicked to open the letter and saw the following:

‘Meet me over by Everburning Mines.’

This was a recent message, sent maybe twenty minutes ago, and Everburning Mines was a high level zone. In fact, it had just come out with the recent expansion, so whoever I was dealing with was a pretty decent player. I was a little wary, I’ll admit. This was a full PVP game after all. Whoever it was, maybe they planned to shank me and steal all my gold. Just to be sure, I dropped all of my gold and extra items in my bank before catching a mage portal over to Everburning Mines.

As soon as I dropped out of the portal I saw her standing alone next to the dungeon entrance. She was a brigand class, sporting a black cap with a round brim, dressed in pirate long-coat and sporting a rapier tucked snugly into a scabbard at her hip.

“Um…hello??” I typed. It took her a second, but she finally sputtered to life and typed back.

“Sup Audrey?” She replied.

“Who are you???” I typed back, making sure to put extra question marks so she’d know I mean business. Then, it suddenly occurred to me that she’d spelled my name ‘Audrey’ instead of ‘Audri’. Who was this? Did she know who I was.

“It’s Tiffany, come on, don’t you recognize me?”

Tiffany? Really? In ‘Dark Pantheon’? Come to think of it the avatar definitely LOOKED like Tiffany. Why was she here, and why did she have a high level character?

“I don’t believe you,” I finally typed back. “Tiffany doesn’t play games, especially not Dark Pantheon.”

“Right,” She replied. “How’s Tri Pi?”

What the hell.

“Okay, why are you IN this game, and what’s with the high level character???”

“I’ve been playing this game since it came out,” She replied nonchalantly. “You just never bothered to ask me what my hobbies were.”

“Um, boys and makeup?” I took a jab at her.

“Among other things. Okay, so I need to talk to you about a few things, first um…there’s a sub-floor in this dungeon, if we beat four of the bosses, I get a new class hat that boosts my starts. I can’t do it alone. Second…I’m worried about you…”

“Why are you worried about me? I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” She replied. I had a hard time gauging what she was thinking; the game didn’t allow for facial expressions. “Look um…I…we…the whole house. We haven’t really been fair to you.”

“Tiffany to be fair you caught me breaking into your house. I kind of deserve it.”

“No dammit,” Tiffany quickly typed. “Look, tying you up was…that was probably necessary. I mean we didn’t know who you were and we’re women, we can’t be too careful. I think after that we went overboard.”

“Overboard how?” What the hell was she talking about?

“Look it’s not…normal. What’s happening isn’t normal. I’m not really a soft person, but I’m super worried about you. This isn’t right.”

“Tiffany, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about,” It was like she was losing her mind. What did she think the problem was? I was getting to hang out with sorority girls and I was getting to be ONE of them. What could possibly be bad about that?

“Ugh fine,” She said. “Just know I’m worried about you and if you need to talk, I’m here.”

“Don’t you have a hat you need to get?”

“Yeah,” She replied. “Let’s go get the stupid hat.”

“What…is this?” Tiffany asked me, turning her character toward me. I noticed that her character was frowning; she had motion capture turned on. Shit, how good was her computer that it could handle face tracking? “Turn voice chat on you goober.”

I didn’t like to use voice chat, mainly because I didn’t like the sound of my own voice but what could it hurt? She knew who I was. I switched it on, paused for a second, and then, finally spoke, attempting to sound as feminine as possible.

“It’s the Everburning Mines,” I said. “I’ve been here like…a million times.”

“Not that,” Her voice came loud and clear through the mic. “Look at your spell bar, are any of your teleports greyed out?”

My eyes wandered to the top of the screen and I saw that all of my ports were disabled. Evac, call to home, call to guild hall, recall, all of it. They were all greyed out. Then I noticed another icon had appeared on my buff bar. I scrolled my mouse over it and read the description: ‘Permadeath – Due to quest conditions, death in this area will result in deletion of character from server’.

“Tiffany,” I said as calmly as possible. “What quest do you have?”

“It’s uh…Bright Ambitions…the one for the class hat. Why?”

“Share the quest with me, in your tracker, please,” I think my voice was starting to crack. I read over the quest as it popped up on my screen. ‘Bright Ambitions – Epic X4’. Holy shit. “Okay, Tiffany? This is the Epic X4 version of the quest, you shouldn’t even be able to pick this quest up unless you defeated Balgramash in the Mythic raid instance in the newest expansion and only one guild has done tha---”

I paused for a moment and looked at the guild name above her head. Oh.

“What’s the problem?” She demanded “Can’t we just go get the hat?”

“Yeah…” I confirmed. “But here’s the thing, Tiff, this quest is an Epic X4, it’s meant for eight people. It’s um…if we die in here we lose our characters.”

“What?!” Her voice screeched over the mic, I recoiled back in my chair and whimpered at the stress transferred to my sprained ankle. Thank god no one was in the Tri Pi house, they would have come running. Ever since I’d gotten here they’d been waiting on me hand and foot, even insisting that I make an appointment with some therapist. I don’t know what their deal was. “I can’t lose my character! I’ve played this since launch! Shit, shit shit! I’m out of here!”

I watched her character as it flew past me, to the door of the dungeon. As I expected, it didn’t open.

“I’ve paid for things on this character! I bought this outfit on the marketplace!”

“Tiffany,” I said calmly, but she interrupted me before I could get anything else out.

“What do we do Audrey? What the hell do we do?!”

“We get the hat,” I said, speaking calmly once again. “We get down to that sub-floor and fight the four bosses, and then we take the hat. It’s just…going to be a little harder than normal.”

“Audrey,” Tiffany said, her voice way too shaky. “I’m a brigand, you’re a wizard. We don’t have a tank, we don’t have a priest, we’re going to die.”

“I can fill in for the priest,” I said. “I have a stack of restoration scrolls and I can create a n arcane barrier around us that blocks physical attacks. I should have enough concentration to create a physical barrier as well. Then you can stand behind it and attack them with your melee. It’s a little half-assed but not impossible.”

“Ugh…okay…you’re the expert here,” She said. I don’t know how much of an expert I was, based on her level. She’d been playing this for a long time. Then again it was possible to play an MMO forever and still have no idea how it worked. Maybe that’s what was happening here.

We stepped forward into the dungeon, walking in silence until we reached the first marker. Ahead I could see the monsters, copies of the ones from the overworld which would have been harmless up there. Down here they were Heroic X3 and would human centipede Tiffany and I together if they got their hands on a sewing kit. We had to be ready. I quickly moved forward and cast the arcane shield while Tiffany charged into it, sword drawn and taking the first swipe.

“I’m not doing any damage!” She screamed. “Nothing’s happening!”

“I’m casting a mitigation debuff,” I said calmly. “It’ll reduce their resistance to physical damage by 8. Cast your damage multiplier to increase your damage by 12, I’ll cast hateful respite, it’ll multiply your damage by 32 every 8 seconds multiplied by the amount of damage you do pers second.”

“What?!” She shouted frantically.

“Just use your damage multiplier.”

She must have done it right because somehow she struck a rhythm and began to cut them down. It took longer than it should have but one by one, the creatures fell behind he shield until there was a pile of bodies, fresh for the stepping-over. We divided the loot, which wasn’t all that great but it was better than nothing.

“I still want to talk to you,” She said. “I want to know how you’re feeling.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked curiously. “I mean…like…you’ve never cared before?”

“Look, I act tough but I do actually care how you’re feeling. We’ve put you through a lot, the whole girl thing was-“

“My fault,” I said to her as we made our way down the hall and took a left, into a room that looked like nothing but a giant trap. “I broke into your house, I put Aleah’s dress on. So you guys took it out of my hide, so to speak, but I have to learn to take responsibility for my own actions. You didn’t actually blackmail me, I could have walked away at any time, but do you know why I stuck around?”

There was a moment of silence, as if she was really thinking about how to answer that. I took advantage of her silence to answer anyway.

“I stayed because it was what I wanted. Do you know how long I’ve fantasized about being a girl? Like, do you know how incredible it was to me that a group of girls in a SORORITY suddenly wanted to turn me into one of them? You don’t get it, Tiffany. Under all this, I’m a girl. There’s a girl, in my head, trapped, and she wants to get out. I would have been so afraid to admit that before you guys got your hands on me, but you…you did so many things for me-“

“We practically tortured you,” She said pointedly.

“A little,” I admitted. “But…you made me…more confident. You…made me understand that my fantasies weren’t just fantasies, Tiffany. You…showed me that I CAN be this. I…I can be Audrey in more than just the game. I can be her in real life and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

“I guess that…maybe it makes sense,” She sort of stuttered. “Maybe you can thank me by helping me get this hat?”

“The hat would be a start,” I chuckled. “Okay, next room. I’m going to cast Arcane Presence, you get your sword ready.”

“He’s down to 15% health, Tiffany, use something, ANYTHING other than your base attack! Hit him where it hurts!” I watched Tiffany, out in front of me swinging her sword wildly as she tried to take down the third boss. We were almost there. We’d been down here for three hours and I didn’t know how much longer I could keep it up. The Tri Pi’s would be back soon and they’d want to...do whatever it was they were going to do. They said there would be low carb muffins tonight. I kind of liked the pampering, actually, and they’d given me all kinds of advice on transitioning but only if I wanted to go in that direction. They’d even brought in a few trans girls to talk to me about the future. Overall my stay here had been really amazing but what was happening right now? That was less than amazing. We’d almost died at least fifty times, and Tiffany HAD died once. Thank god I’d been carrying a few resurrection scrolls but I felt like our luck was about to run out.

“Maybe you could actually attack for once?!” Her voice crackled over the speakers and if I hadn’t been so intent on keeping us alive I might have actually rolled my eyes.

“Tiffany,” I said. “I have a limited amount of MP and 1017 potions to recover it. I know that sounds like a lot but they go fast, we have one more boss, and a ton of monsters to fight before we get there. If I stop protecting us to use any of my frost abilities the shield will drop and we’ll die. Please, for the love of god, just keep hitting him.”

“You don’t have to be so condescending!” She shrieked as her own health bar dropped below 10%. I fired off a scroll of Celestial Mitigation and watched as her health bar was filled with a transparent red, supplementing what she had left with a shield. I recast the wall of shielding and breathed a sigh of relief as she struck the final blow and the boss crashed to the floor. Thank god.

“Any loot?” I asked as I walked toward the center of the room.

“Just leather armor,” She said, sighing. “It’s a level below what I have on.”

“What a shitty dungeon,” I muttered.

“Hey, what’s with the doors?” She used the /point command to make her character indicate a set of four doors behind the boss, all of which were sealed tightly shut. They wouldn’t open of course, not on this sever.

“It’s uh…Okay so this dungeon has two purposes, the first is to get you that stupid class hat, which we’re going for, the second is to awaken the Dain. See um, in the game, ten thousand years ago the world was ruled by the Dark Pantheon, but they disappeared. The developers revealed later on that the Pantheon had been defeated in battle and were forced into a sort of hibernation. All over the game world there are these…crypts, each one containing one of the ten members of the Pantheon – one for every class in the game. We don’t know where the others are, but we know that the Dain is in this one. He’s a dwarf that represents the bard class.”

“Wait,” Tiffany said, the motion tracking from her webcam picking up a bit of confusion “If it’s a questline to wake him up then why hasn’t anyone done it?”

“A few reasons,” I said. “First of all, even though we know where he is, there’s a year-long quest to access the tomb behind those doors. Secondly, awakening the Dain would destroy this dungeon which happens to be the only source of Magelite – the material we use to craft Zate armor. If the Dain is awakened, the loot tables change, forever. It’s happened on the other servers but this is a Player vs. Player server – we need the armor. There’s a group called the ‘Standard of the Dain’ that’s trying to wake him up, but we’ve stopped them at every turn.”

“Then I guess we should avoid that,” Tiffany agreed.

“Well no one’s done the quest, we’re too busy killing eachother on this server,” I pointed out. “And, even more importantly, because The Dain is a bard, only a bard can awaken him. Part of the access quest is finding the song that will awaken him. I’m a mage, you’re a brigand, I don’t think either of us can play a lute. ”

She chuckled a little and we moved on, leaving the boss behind us.

“So…what are you doing over at Tri Pi?” Tiffany asked. I couldn’t decide if she was trying to make small talk or pump me for information.

“They um…they’re teaching me how to girl…I guess they’re worried about how I eat. Oh, and…they taught me some cool makeup things.”

“Is that all?”

“I mean…no,” I said nervously. “They asked me if I wanted to transition. They bought some other trans girls in to talk to me.”

“Who? Anyone I know?”

“Uh…one of them was Kari, that girl from the Omega house. She was really nice. They told me a lot of things I didn’t know. Like…what’ll happen with hormones…and stuff. It’s all really complicated but I mean, it’s a lot more…in reach than it was if you know what I mean.”

“Wait so you DO want to transition?” She asked curiously as we turned the corner and stood in front of another hall full of monsters. We fought our way though, this time easily. It was all pretty much the same through here, despite it being stupidly hard.

“I think I do, yeah. Before this I would have said no, definitely, but…now…I mean like you said, you guys took things a little far but you showed me so many things. When I’m at the GAT house and when I’m dressed up I feel like myself. I don’t want it to end, but then it does, it always has to end because I can’t be Audrey outside. I feel like it’s just not enough anymore. I don’t know…what to do.”

“Have you thought about telling Mason?” She asked me seriously as we approached the final boss chamber. It was a round space with a domed ceiling, I could see the giant minotaur standing in the center. This was a fight meant for eight people, and even then it could barely be handled. This was a mistake. I knew that at this fight we were going to lose out characters but I just didn’t have the heart to tell Tiffany. She’d made a mistake and I already felt bad that she was going to hate herself for it.

“I can’t do that,” I said, kind of sadly. “You saw what happened with Chastity, I don’t know if I can handle that happening twice.”

“But if it does happen again, was he really your friend?”

I sat there in silence for a second. I hated that she was right.

“I don’t know,” It was all I could say.

“Audrey?” She said softly.

“Yeah?”

“If you ever do tell him and if he…does what Chastity did, I’ll still be your friend, no matter what happens, okay?”

“Wait, you mean we’re friends? I thought you-“

“I don’t hate you,” She said firmly. “I’m hard on you because I think you can do better than you’re doing. I know you want to be a woman and I want you to be the best you can be, but I don’t hate you. I want you to remember that no matter what happens now, ten minutes from now, or ten years from now, you can always call me, and I’ll always answer, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, not really able to process what had just happened. “Let’s uh…let’s just…finish this.”

“Tiff, before we go in here, I just…want to let you know I had a lot of fun,” I sighed. “I didn’t even know you played this game and…I really like playing with you. Do you think if we lose our characters here we could still play again sometime?”

“Audrey, honey, of course we can play again, and we’re NOT going to lose our characters,” She reassured me.

“I like your optimism,” I said drearily. “But the fact is…that boss hits for one third of our health every time, and it has adds that pop every ten seconds. We could have barely made it with a full party, but with just the two of us? I’m really sorry, this has to suck.”

“Audrey, honey,” She said, her character mirroring her real life head shaking. “You have to think positive, okay? I know we’re going to get through this.”

“Okay, okay,” I said, shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut briefly as I tried to reconcile the fact that we were about to lose years worth of progress. The sad thing is I KNEW this could happen; it’s always been an issue with epic quests like this, it’s just that in the past we’d come in with large groups, we knew the raid, and we were always on top of our game. This was so half assed I don’t even know how to begin to describe it. “Let’s do this.”

There was a ‘swish’ as Tiffany drew her rapier from its scabbard, a typical brigand weapon. I have to admit her character looked kind of hot. Maybe I could get her to dress up like a pirate in real life. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t ask that. Pursing my lips I waited for her to lead us into the room, which she did. I stayed a good distance behind her and cast a few shields, keeping my finger on the healing scrolls that I’d equipped in one of the hotbars. I was going to need them.

“Ready?” She asked.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, trying to stifle the desperation in my voice.

“Okay, three, two—” Suddenly, she stopped counting, and the most fucking incredible thing happened. A flash of light emanated from her rapier, blasting the boss and taking it down to 0 HP in a single blow. In the next second a less amazing thing happened, her entire outfit changed from the brigand overcoat to flowy, silky blue top and black leather pants, laced up the sides and complicated by a pair of black heeled boots. Her hair changed as well, it went from a dirty brown to a magnificent, glowing red. Finally, I noticed that her level had changed, she increased from 82 to 100, and stood there staring at me with a shit eating grin as the boss collapsed in a pile behind her.

“Um..Tiffany?” I said squeakily. “What…what just…”

“I’m sorry, Audrey,” She said, grinning again. “You did the access quest for this dungeon, it takes way too long. I needed you.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded. As I spoke, I noticed she was inching her way to the center of the room, toward the pedestal. The Dain’s Respite, it was called. For years it had sat dormant in the game, but recently, a bard in my guild had figured out that when you stood on it, a song appeared in his hotbar. It was presumed that the spell would reveal the location of the Horn of Schar, the instrument that could be used to awaken the Dain, hidden somewhere off in a far flung portion of the game world. On other servers this presumption proved to be correct. But Tiffany was a brigand, she couldn’t…could she? I held my mouse over her character and nearly choked: her class had changed from ‘Brigand’ to ‘Bard’. Holy shit.

“I’ve been using an illusion form,” She explained. “And I’m sorry, but you and I…we’ve known eachother for a very long time, years, Audrey.”

“Wait,” I said as I checked my hotbar to make sure the ‘disruption’ spell was equipped. “You’re with the Standard of the Dain?!”

“Audrey,” She said with a slight smile. “I AM the Standard of the Dain. I formed the group years ago, during patch 7.1a. Listen, Audrey, this isn’t anything against you, but your guild has sitting on the Magelite stores for years and profiting off of everyone. The Standard of the Dain isn’t evil, we’re just going to level the playing field.”

“This is bullshit!” I shouted as she stepped onto the pedestal and began to play the song. Instantly, her body was surrounded by transparent, floating musical notes as the song reverberated through the massive chamber. “Stop, stop, stop! You’re going to change the loot tables, we won’t have the Zate armor anymore!”

“That’s right, Audrey,” She grinned. “It means you won’t be able to price gouge anymore, and everyone will stand a chance again. Look, I know change is hard sweetie, but the game is called ‘Dark Pantheon’ – eventually the Pantheon has to awaken. So it’ll be a little harder, and you’ll have to find a new way to develop your character, but is it really all bad? Change is a good thing, sweetie. Hey, I’ll be here to help you, I’ll help you figure out your stats and-“

“No!” I screamed as I rushed forward, aiming my staff at her. I quickly fired the disrupt ability, designed to interrupt her song and knock her back a good two feet, but it never landed. Somehow, even though her character was busy casting the song, another sprang forward from her lute and struck my character, sending me flying backward and reducing my health to fifty percent. What the hell? What kind of hit could do that?

“Audrey dear,” She said as the song commenced. “We’re in a perma-death zone, I don’t want to fight you. Use some common sense, you don’t want to lose your character. Listen, the change is going to be rough but you’re going to like yourself a LOT more. You won’t be relying on old equipment to protect you, you can move forward, you can make progress. Just lay there and let me do this.”

There was absolutely no way I was going to tell Mason or the rest of my guild that I had just sat here and let Tiffany reveal the horn’s location. Absolutely no way. I pressed X to bring my character to a standing position and cast a healing scroll on myself. I watched as an orb of green light fired into the air and exploded, sprinkling healing magic onto my avatar and filling my health bar. But it was too late. The song finished, and to my horror, a splash of text appeared at the top of my screen:

‘The Land is Silent for a Moment as Audri and GreyGirl Reveal the Location of the Horn of Schar’

“Jesus Christ, Tiffany!” I shrieked as my teleport spells lit up, once again becoming available. She must have noticed, she began to port out immediately.

“Listen, Audrey,” She said as her character began to fade out. “I meant everything I said. You can still call on me if you need me. I’ll help you. We’re enemies in the game, but this doesn’t carry over into real life.”

“I’m having a hard time accepting that,” I growled.

“Hey,” She said, smiling. “Once you’re out of the Tri Pi house, let’s go out to dinner somewhere, okay? Just as friends. Look, it’s been leading up to this for years. Remember when we fought on Mount. Barthatus? Or that time you ambushed me in the Mire of Resolve? We’ve been fighting for years hon, nothing’s changed.”

“I…okay,” I said, watching world chat as thousands of players cursed my name, having seen the notice. She was gone. Her character had faded out. I probably needed to get out of here too. As I hit the home button, I heard the door to the room open in real life. I turned away from the computer and saw Chisaki walk in accompanied by two other girls.

“Heya Audrey,” She said. “How are things going?”

“Um…” I swallowed a bit and glanced back at the screen briefly before looking back at her. “I think I just met my soulmate.”

Note: This side story takes place during Book 3

They all left me there. They seriously just piled out of the basement and left me on the floor. What the actual crap? I groaned and tried to pull myself into a sitting position only to be greeted by a sharp pain that shot through my right ankle. I yelped a little and fell back against the concrete floor. I had to get out of here, like now. I had barely gotten out of being punished for sneaking into the GAT house, I couldn’t imagine what would happen if Tri Pi caught me in their basement dressed like this. Whimpering, I placed my palm flat against the floor and struggled to push myself up. Against the extreme pain I finally managed to raise myself into a sitting position, but by now I saw shouting out in agony, not even trying to maintain my female voice.

Outside I could hear yelling, I think I heard Aleah scream once, and I swear to god there was someone out there with a megaphone. What the hell was happening? Was this really normal for sororities? If so, then like every movie I’d ever seen was right. The cellar door was still wide open, and I could see the night sky overhead, though by the time I finally managed to drag myself to the steps it had quieted down a lot. Okay, if I could just get to the top of the steps I could drag myself across the lawn. That would be easy enough, right? I shifted my body toward the stairs and finally managed to lay a hand on one of the concrete steps. They were pretty narrow but I could do this. I could definitely do this. I tried to push with my good foot, but as soon as my sprained ankle dragged across the ground, I screamed, and fell back to the ground.

“Come on, get up,” I muttered to myself, well, more like pleaded to myself. I absolutely couldn’t be caught down here.

“Hey,” A new voice spoke from across the room. “Are you Audrey?”

They were closing in on me, four girls, didn’t know who they were, didn’t matter. I had to get out of here. It was too late, they were on top of me, one, a brunette with glasses was kneeling beside me, her hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I choked. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

I kept repeating it as if that would make this any better. They were going to find out who I was, they were going to report this to the school, oh my god I was going to get expelled, or arrested, or worse. I didn’t know what was going to happen.

“Audrey?” A different girl said from behind. “We need you to calm down, okay? Just take a deep breath, you’re safe here. Let’s get you upstairs.”

I complied numbly as two girls interlocked their arms beneath my shoulders and lifted me to my feet, the pain radiating through my ankle causing me to wince and cry out.

“You weren’t supposed to twist your ankle, silly,” The first girl said.

“You gotta stop beating yourself up like this,” Another girl joked from behind.

I didn’t find any of this funny. How did they know my name? How were they going to react when they figured out…what I really was? Nothing but the occasional moan escaped my lips as we crested the basement stairs and emerged into a baby pink hallway flanked with white-trimmed windows. Interior spotlights burned overhead, lighting our way to a pink themed living room. The two girls hold me lowered me gently onto one of two couches, this one faced a large flat screen television while the one on the opposite side of the room faced an inert fireplace framed by a white wood molding. They were going to figure me out, oh god they were going to figure me out. Should I just tell them right now? No, I needed to go, I needed to get out of here. Right now. The panic building within me was indescribable, I tried to push myself off the couch, but the displaced joint in my ankle screamed and sent a wave of sharp pain into my leg. I screamed and felt my eyes begin to water as I fell back onto the cushions and rolled onto my side.

“Audrey, honey?” The brunette laid a hand on my cheek and stared into my eyes, my lip quivered as I stared back. “You need to calm down, no one is going to hurt you here.”

“The yard is clear!” A new voice said from behind, I didn’t bother to lift my head and look. “Looks like they went running back to their van.”

“Audrey sprained her ankle,” The girl in front of me called out. “Can we get Marie in here to look at her?”

“Someone call me?” I heard someone shout from down the hall.

“Yah, Marie, get in here and fix Audrey!”

Moments later a taller girl was in front of me with her hands on my ankle. I winced as she ran her fingers up and down the bone, concentrating heavily on the injury.

“Hey Audrey,” She said, looking up at me for a second. “I’m Marie, I’m planning to go to medical school after Woodcrest, I volunteer at the hospital, so I promise you I can fix this. We just need to get a brace on here, okay?”

“O…okay,” I whimpered. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble.”

“Don’t be sorry,” The girl with glasses told me reassuringly. “You’ve been through a lot, just let us help you.”

It was complete chaos, girls everywhere, talking, shouting, I couldn’t keep track of it all. My vision began to swim, but the pain was alleviated a little as Marie slid a brace onto my ankle.

“Hey we need to get this started, I have class in the morning!” I heard a male voice shout. I immediately froze; I knew that voice, it was Shawn Derringer, the president of DEM. I had a brief flashback to the day I’d rushed his fraternity and had been accepted. I hadn’t shown up the next day for orientation and Tiffany had literally forced me to call him and explain myself. I hadn’t give him a real explanation of course, just some bullshit excuse about how fraternity life wasn’t for me. Now he was here, did he know? Jesus, if he found out, who was he going to tell? I shrunk my shoulders and tried to make myself as small as possible, maybe he wouldn’t see me. No such luck, I saw him stroll around the front of the couch followed by two girls that I didn’t recognize.

“Hi, Audrey?” Shawn stared directly at me as the girl with the glasses took me by the shoulders and helped me to sit upright. “You probably remember me, I’m Shawn Derringer, president of DEM, this is Sakiya, president of Tri Pi and Willow, president of Omega Psi, we represent the Greek council at Woodcrest.”

I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to that, I really didn’t. Did they all know who…what I was? I dropped my eyes and mumbled some kind of response, no clue what it was, maybe they didn’t know either.

“Okay, so basically,” Sakiya said to me. “We’re here to ask you what’s going on with GAT and we want to know if you’ve been hurt in any way. I’ve spoken with Tiffany and she filled me in a little, but I really need to hear this from you.”

I noticed that the room had become uncharacteristically quiet, a quick look around revealed that all but these three had left the room, we were alone. Willow, Shawn, and Sakiya took seats and stared at me.

“Here’s the thing,” Shawn continued the dialogue. “We don’t want to call Panhellenic, as much as we take issue with the way GAT handles their business, a Panhellenic investigation would be bad for everyone. We do have other options, we could shun GAT from Greek events, we could stunt their ability to host parties, we could do any number of things. We could even call them out on their philanthropy hours, we all know they’ve been faking that. So, I guess what we need is for you to tell us if they’ve been hurting you, that would be the last straw.”

“Why…why am I important?” I frowned. “I’m just…”

“What we’re trying to figure out,” Willow interrupted me. “Is if GAT is torturing a transgender woman. To put it simply. Don’t worry, outside these walls your secret is safe. If you don’t want to come out then no one is going to force you to. In here we need to know what’s going on. How did this happen? Where did it start?”

“I…it….” I said nervously. I didn’t want to say it. God it was embarrassing. I could feel my cheeks turning red as I tried to work up the courage to speak.

“Audrey,” Sakiya stared directly at me. “If you can’t tell us anything new then we’re going to have to call Panhellenic. We can’t let GAT bring down the entire Greek system, it’s just not happening, so tell us something, anything,”

“Okay,” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I…I broke into their house and tried on a dress…they…thought I was a rapist…or a robber or something and they tied me up but once they figured out I was trans they started helping me with makeup and…learning…to be a girl and…things…”

“So they’ve been helping you?” Willow raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound like something GAT would do unless there was something in it for them.”

“Yeah I…I wouldn’t be…things would be a lot harder without them,” I choked out. “I really appreciate everything they’ve done.”

Did I really appreciate it? Hadn’t they done some screwed up things to me? Yeah probably but if GAT was disbanded then where could I go to be myself? Who would know my little secret? I would be all alone again, wouldn’t I? They weren’t all THAT bad, were they?”

“Okay,” Shawn said. “I have a very, very important question for you and I want you to think about this very carefully before you answer. Is GAT hazing their pledges?”

My mind raced back to a week ago when I’d been dragged into the GAT basement and bore witness to a line of terrified pledges forced to answer questions, and then showered with chocolate syrup when they’d misspoke. I remembered how terrified I’d felt, I remembered how badly I’d wanted out of there, but I also remembered how much I’d enjoyed being treated just like any other girl. Was it really a bad thing? Was it? I looked from Willow, to Sakiya, and back to Shawn.

“No,” I lied. “No they’ve…treated everyone really well.”

Shawn nodded.

“Alright,” He said. “That’s all I needed to know, I think we can hold off on calling Panhellenic but I also think you should stay away from GAT, I really, really do.”

“I second that,” Sakiya nodded. “If you need help you can always come here, we’ll help you with your makeup, we’ll do…whatever GAT was doing, seriously. It would be better for your mental health.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t stay away from them, they’re my…friends.”

“No,” Willow said softly. “They’re not.”

“You can stay here until your ankle heals up a bit,” Sakiya sighed. “Let’s…find you a room.”