Synopsis: For those who enjoyed Allison's Pledge, I'm posting a story that I wrote some time ago which you should enjoy. It's much darker but follows the sorority theme. Finally, note that like AP, it starts with a trope, but as you learned with the last story, my tropes go pretty sideways after the first chapter. Same applies here. Enjoy!

“Okay.” I looked up in the direction of the voice. A tiny girl towered over me, dressed in a pair of leggings, layered casually beneath a hot pink hoodie with sleeves rolled up to expose fawn-colored forearms. “So, here’s the deal. You broke into our house and perved it up with our clothes. You look cute in that dress and all, but yeah, not having it.”

I was tired from struggling against the ropes that snaked around my wrists; I wasn’t even sure how she’d managed to get them on me as she moved so damn fast. All I could do was look at her from the corner of my eye as I lay on her floor, forced by her knots into a fetal position that was cramping my legs. I tried to stretch my fatigued muscles, but the motion only tightened the ropes that wound tightly around my arms.

“You like my knot work?” She asked, brushing wavy black tendrils of hair away from her face as she squatted down and patted my bulging mouth, where her makeshift gag was keeping my objections locked away. “I’ve got your phone here, and guess what? Your password is 1234 – are you an idiot? Oh RIGHT, you broke into GAT – the toughest sorority on campus and decided to be a pervert! You probably are at least some kind of stupid.”

I closed my eyes and tried to make myself small, or invisible, maybe even will myself away into another dimension. Maybe if I concentrated hard enough, I would open my eyes again and I’d be laying on my own bed, back in my dorm.

“Hey!” She said, patting the side of my face until I finally opened my eyes and came back to reality, just to be greeted by her stare. “I don’t want you sleeping through this. I’m going away now, and I’m going to go through this phone, copy all of your contacts, and then I’m going to ruin your life. Got plenty of pictures of you in that dress, should I send them to your mom first? No wait – your girlfriend? Aren’t you dating Chastity? Isn’t she majoring in bio-chem? Yeah, she’s in my next class, actually. She’d probably want to see what her boyfriend does in his free time.”

I screamed. Or at least, I tried to scream. It came out as more of a grunt, stopped almost entirely by the filthy, balled up sock jammed just behind my teeth. In the palm of her hand, she held my life. My literal, entire life. It would take just a few seconds for her to send out a few photos and talk to a couple of my contacts, then she would go about her evening like nothing happened while my life began to spin out of control. I probably deserved it.

Without another word, she rose to her feet and strode out of the room, my phone held lightly in her grasp. There was nothing I could do. The ropes wouldn’t give, I couldn’t scream. I was helpless. I waited there, on the floor for what seemed like hours, contemplating on the stupid mistake I’d made. I thought I’d planned it out so well; the house should have been empty. I should have had a clear chance to sneak in, try on this one dress, and then leave. Yeah, okay, so it was a little bit weird, but I just…had this thing for women’s clothing. Well, now this “thing” had finally gotten me in more trouble than I could handle.

I tried once more to free myself, but once again, pulling at the bonds only made them tighter. They were already cutting into the thin skin beneath my wrists and I thought for sure my fingers were about to go numb. This was beyond humiliating; I was trapped in a sorority bedroom, in one of their dresses that I’d put on myself and bound on the floor like a piece of meat. I’d never felt like a man, really, but any machismo that may have remained had been sucked away the moment the woman had knocked me to the floor and bound me. Honestly, how stupid could I be? I’d been staring at myself in the full-length mirror near the closet; she’d had the perfect opportunity to sneak up behind me. Yeah, I must be some kind of stupid, indeed.

From my position on the floor at the foot of one of two twin beds in the room, I could see a digital clock on the nightstand; it now read 6:45. I watched the numbers turn over, and over, and over. I closed my eyes and opened them again, only to see 6:57, and a blink later it flashed to 7:10. 7:18. Finally, I managed to doze off a bit, only to wake up at 8:10. What was taking her so long? I mean seriously, how long did it take to destroy someone’s life in the digital age? I kept my eyes on the clock.

Ages passed until finally the clock read 8:30 and I could hear voices outside the door in the hallway. Were those footsteps? Finally, the knob turned, and I rolled my eyes upward. I tried to move my head, but I was surprised at how exhausted and cramped I felt. All could see were my captor’s fresh white tennis shoes moving swiftly through the threshold, followed by a pair of black platformed wedge sandals. I closed my eyes and braced for the worst, but suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder as my detainer knelt beside me.

“Hey,” She said in a soft tone that seemed so foreign compared to the hateful snarls from before. “I’m going to take that sock out of your mouth, okay? But don’t try to talk, your mouth is going to be numb. Just, open your lips a little.”

Confused, I did as she asked, pushing my lips apart and giving her just enough space to slide meticulously manicured nails and soft, narrow fingers past my teeth. Seconds later, the sock was removed and discarded. I breathed a sigh of relief and inhaled through my open mouth for the first time in hours. I suddenly became acutely aware of how badly my jaw was hurting. It throbbed, and I may have shed tears of gratitude as I was finally able to squeeze it shut. She was right—my lips were numb, my throat was dry and raw; I couldn’t have spoken if I wanted to.

“Okay honey, Tiffany is going to untie you, okay?” Again, her tone was so contrary to before that I was almost alarmed. She wasn’t condescending, and she didn’t sound angry at all; it was almost like… she was being kind to me?

I felt Tiffany’s cool hands on my wrists, gently working to loosen the knots, and then down to my ankles with increasing aggression. I was free—but I couldn’t stand. The most I could do was stretch out, and even that was a challenge. Sharp pains shot around my knees as I unfolded them, trying to release some of the pressure. I brought my wrists in front of me and began an attempt to massage the rope burns soothingly.

“I need you to lay still, okay?” She said. “We’ll get you up in a minute.”

“This is still bullshit,” I heard Tiffany say in a huff. “He still broke in. There have to be consequences.”

“And there will be,” She said firmly. “But not tonight. I’m not putting him in jail. You saw the same thing I saw on his phone.”

My heart skipped a beat. What had they seen on my phone? Had they checked my internet history? If they had, I was beyond screwed.
“Honey, we’re going to get you up,” She said to me. They both took an arm and pulled me to my feet. It hurt more than I thought it would, but I was quickly seated at the end of the soft mattress I had spent so long beneath. I immediately noticed the fabric of the comforter brushing up against my bare legs and realized how exposed I felt; my face must have turned three shades of red, especially when I saw Tiffany for the first time. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair flowed down the sides of her face, and her cheeks glowed effortlessly in complement to her matte painted lips. She noticed me staring and gave me a fierce look. I averted my eyes.

“Okay honey,” The tanned girl said finally. “We went through your phone and um…”

She gave pause and lifted the device up. She turned it around to me and showed me a forum that I visited often: ‘Transgender Hope’.
“Read some of your posts on here,” She said. “Gotta tell you, that’s some heavy stuff.”

Even if I could have spoken, I don’t think I would have. I felt so embarrassed that I was actively trying to will myself to the other side of the planet.

“Okay,” She said. “So, I’m Aleah, and this is Tiffany. We’re both GAT sisters – you know the deal, Gamma Alpha Tau.”

Yeah, I knew the deal. The toughest sorority on campus. Called that for a reason, obviously. I looked up at her with stinging, red eyes as she towered over me but the look on her face was soft, almost concerned. A glance at Tiffany showed me quickly that she was still angry. She glared daggers into my soul and crossed her arms in front of her to indicate a position of authority. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as I felt her eyes upon me. I can't even describe the apprehension I felt. I was here, in her house, and she had the upper hand.

“Hey!” Aleah snapped her fingers in front of my face. I guess she'd been trying to get my attention. “When was the last time you ate? Did you eat today?”

I was confused. What was she even talking about? Why did she care if I'd eaten? She was right of course: I hadn't. I shook my head, not daring to lie in either girl’s presence. She nodded.

“You looked a little pale,” She said. “We’ll get you downstairs and get you something to eat. Do we still have that cheese tray from the party last night?”

“Yeah, we’ve got it,” Tiffany said, not taking her eyes off me for a second.

“Okay, let’s go,” Aleah motioned toward the door. Tiffany’s arm locked roughly around mine and lifted me from the bed like a rag doll. I moaned a bit as my muscles screamed from moving after hours of abuse.

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Tiffany’s harsh words rung in my ears as she guided me toward the door and out into the hallway. I could feel air rushing through my bare legs, once again reminding me that I was in a dress. God, I’d never planned to wear it outside of this room; I’d never even planned to wear it for more than a few minutes. After an awkward walk down the stairs, I sat down at a long, gleaming kitchen table as Aleah rummaged through the refrigerator and produced one of those party trays; the kind with the meat and cheese. More than half of it was gone. She put a few pieces of on a plate and set it in front of me.

“Eat,” Aleah said. It wasn’t a request, but I couldn’t help just sitting and staring at the plate. I became aware of her fingers running through my hair a few seconds later as she remarked on how long it was. I blushed again; I wasn’t used to people commenting on my appearance.
“It is pretty long for a guy’s,” Tiffany agreed.

“Eat,” Aleah said again, a sterner voice this time. I nibbled at the cheese and forced it down, suddenly realizing that I really was hungry after all.

I don’t know why it felt so awkward. Probably because these two women had just caught me breaking into their house and were now feeding me at their table. I felt helpless; I had so little control of the situation. I sat there eating, feeling their eyes upon me, and I’m pretty sure I was trying to shrink down into the chair to make myself smaller.

“Sit up straight,” Aleah said in a commanding voice. I practically jumped to attention; she’d been kind so far, but her tone was a stark reminder that she wasn’t someone to be trifled with. “Are you done?”

I nodded and pushed the plate away. She pushed it back toward me.

“Finish,” She said firmly. “You look like you haven’t eaten in a year.”

She was right, I hadn’t eaten all week. I shook my head and tried to push the plate away again. She slammed both hands down on the table and glared at me.

“Eat the food,” She said, her eyes drilling into mine. “I get it, you’re trying to stay thin, that’s cute, but you look like you’re about to pass out. “

She was right to an extent; I didn’t want to get huge, but I also just didn’t feel like eating. I hadn’t in a long time. I don’t know how I worked up the courage, but I heard the words leave my mouth.

“Why do you care?” I asked, the phrase came out as barely a whisper.

I could barely describe the look in Aleah’s eyes, she had been clearly angry before, but she’d managed to keep pretty calm throughout most of this. I was pretty sure she was about to hit me, but the slap came from Tiffany; I’d completely forgotten that she was standing beside me. The palm of her hand connected with my bare cheek and pushed me sideways. I shrieked as my head rolled to the left and my entire body started to slide off the chair, but Aleah grabbed me beneath my arms and held me in place. She remained for a moment, and then released me as soon as she was sure I’d regained my balance.

“You don’t ask me questions like that,” She said flatly. “This is my house, these are my rules. I would say if you don’t like it, leave, but you don’t have that option.”

I could only remember crying three times in my life, and it had been years, honestly, but in that moment, I felt my eyes begin to sting and it wasn’t long before full fledged sobs burst forward from my mouth.

“Oh. My. God.“ Tiffany said, enunciating each word in a very condescending tone. “You can break into someone’s house, but you can’t handle getting slapped around a little. Grow up.”

“What’s going on in here?” I jumped in fear as a new voice entered the conversation. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, and I recognized the voice. I looked up slowly and saw Julia Stenson, one of the campus police officers. I knew her way too well; she’d always had it out for me, or so I thought. I think I was visibly shaking as she approached the table and looked from me, to Tiffany, to Aleah.

“Just a little corrective discipline,” Tiffany said with a shrug. “Nothing to fret over.”

Julia nodded and move in closer. She wasn’t in her usual uniform; plain clothes today, so maybe she wasn’t here in any official capacity. Maybe.

“I always knew I’d get a call about you someday,” She said to me as she looked me over, slowly, inch by inch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her, and I can hardly describe the humiliation encased in that one single moment. “I didn’t think it would be for this, though. Ever since you stepped foot on this campus, I’ve kept an eye on you, something just seemed off. Maybe now we know what it was.”

I closed my eyes tight. Please just make it stop. Please god let this whole stupid thing just be a dream. Julian Stenson was my worst nightmare. She’d always suspected me of something, but I never had a clue what. Well, what do you know; she was right. I was a pervert after all, and I was probably going to jail tonight, at the very least. Boy were they going to have fun with me in a cell.

“I’m going to need you to answer a few questions,” She said with an authoritative yet almost dismissive tone. She was making it clear that she was the one in charge here, even though I felt Tiffany was a lot scarier. “First of all, how did you get in here?”

“I…the back door was unlocked,” I muttered, keeping my eyes downcast.

“Okay, and what did you come in here to do?”

I stayed silent again. I didn’t want to answer that.

“Did you come in here to try on that dress?” Julia asked. Of course, I did. She knew I did. I nodded.

“Todd,” She said my name. The first time anyone had used it all night. “Are you transgender?”

They’d called her, they’d told her about the forums I’d been visiting. I didn’t want to answer that either. I knew the truth, I guess. It was written all over those posts that Aleah and Tiffany had read, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“If you don’t answer that you’re going to go to jail tonight, do you understand?” She said to me. It was a softer tone this time. “It’s a simple question with a simple yes or no answer. What you say isn’t going to go beyond this room, I just need to know what your intentions were here.”

“I don’t…I don’t know…” I said quietly, hoping that Aleah would help me out, but she remained silent. “Yes.”

I’d said it. I’d finally said it out loud. It felt unreal and I didn’t want to say any more about it. I’d talked about it on internet forums but the words had never left my lips.

“Yes, what?” Julie asked again, sternly this time.

“Yes…” I said, my voice more of a squeak than anything. “I’m…I’m transgender…”

I was having trouble processing it. I’d said it out loud yeah, but it just didn’t feel real. I could feel their eyes upon me, studying me, trying to figure out if I was telling the truth. Did it matter if I was telling the truth? My most closely guarded secret had been spilled on the floor of a sorority house and I had absolutely no control over it. This was not how I imagined coming out. This wasn’t how I wanted to come out. It was like the plot of a badly written porn story but it was happening to me; it was actually happening to me and it wasn’t going to end the way those stories did.

“What…what happens now?” I asked, directing the question at no one in particular.

“Now you go home,” Aleah said. “Come upstairs with me, we’ll get your clothes, and you’ll go home. Take the food with you.”

Synopsis: While wondering if the previous night was a horrible dream, Todd gets a text from Aleah.

“Todd, Todd wake up!” I slowly opened my eyes, using a hand to rub the sleep from my crusted lids. A splash of light from the dorm room window invaded my vision, causing me to squint and shield my face with my free hand. “Come on, wake up, we have a raid in ten minutes!”

“Oh my god,” I grumbled. “Can it wait?”

I lay there in my bed trying to recall the previous night. What had even happened? I remembered Aleah, but honestly, I remembered her from class too. Had I really been in her house? Had all of that really happened?

“Come on!” Mason roughly shook my shoulder, finally causing me to sit up. “You have to log on!”

I glared at him and then diverted my attention to the other side of the room.

“What the hell, Mason?” I demanded as I stared at the mess on his side. A mountain of soda bottles and food wrappers littered the entirety of his space, from the foot of the desk all the way to the top and around his chair. He glanced sheepishly over toward the mess and shrugged.

“Sorry dude, I had an all-nighter. We had to craft the potions for today’s raid. SOMEONE had to; you slept all night!”
“That’s…that’s what normal people do,” I said, defeated as I tossed my blankets aside and put my feet on the carpet. “You’re gonna ruin the carpet in here.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Mason said quickly as he bolted across the room and planted himself at his computer desk. I heard a soda bottle crinkle.

I made my way over to my own desk which was spotless in comparison and took a seat. My computer hummed as I moved the mouse; it was already switched on. Thanks Mason. I immediately double clicked the icon on the desktop and a splash screen reading: ‘Dark Pantheon’ appeared before my eyes.

“Okay, “ I said, finally sort of awake. “What are we doing?”

“What do you MEAN what are we doing?!” He demanded. “We’re raiding Eletar Deep!”

“Please don’t be this dramatic this early in the morning,” I muttered as I logged in with my mage. “Send me a port, would you?”

I guess I should explain what this was all about. Mason had gotten me into this game, Dark Pantheon; an online MMORPG, that’s Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game to you. Thousands of players cooperated in a persistent fantasy world to either live, or to fight monsters, or even get together to take down massive bosses. I had been sort of interested at first, but over time I got in deeper and deeper. There was something about it, maybe the fact that I could play as a girl and no one would get suspicious. I made a character that was, I guess, roughly what I wanted to look like in real life. I’d wanted to name her Audrey, but the name was taken, so I went with Audri. When Mason asked about it I’d laughed and told him I’d rather stare at a girl’s butt for hours while I played than a guy’s. He’d laughed too. I guess that answer was acceptable.

“I sent you a port,” Mason said, sipping from what had to be his thousandth energy drink. I wondered how long he’d been awake; no matter how much I was into this game, he always seemed to be way more obsessed.

The port request appeared at the upper right of my screen; I clicked it, and my character immediately appeared beside his at the gates of Eletar Deep. “

“Your character is HOT!” He said as he shoved a piece of beef jerky into his mouth.

I glared at him. He didn’t seem to notice.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. For a raid you needed at least twenty people – only the two of us were standing before the comically large dungeon entrance.

“They’ll be here, they’ll be here!” He said. “Stop being so impatient!”

I sighed. This was going to be a long day. Or maybe not. Just as I was thinking that, my phone buzzed beside my keyboard. I picked it up and swiped to see a text from Aleah. Her name was in my phone; I guess last night hadn’t been a dream after all. The text simply said: ‘Library: 2:30’. I checked the clock on the phone – 2:18. I could choose to ignore it, but Aleah could choose to release all of those pictures she’d taken of me. I sighed and shut my laptop.

“What are you doing?!” Mason demanded from across the room.

“Got something to do,” I said as I stood up and pulled on a pair of pants. “You can find one more person, don’t worry about it.”
“You’re an ass!” Mason shouted after me as I bolted through the door.

The dorm room door opened straight onto a balcony and I rushed down three flights of stairs, past a vending machine and onto the sidewalk. I glanced at my phone: 2:20. There wasn’t any time. My feet pounded the pavement and the campus rushed by in a blur. I arrived in the library at 2:27 and realized I had no idea where to go – the building was huge. Tables lined up to the right, students checking out books to the left; where was I even supposed to go?

“Hi,” A voice cut through the crowd behind me. “Are you Todd?”

I started to turn but from the corner of my eye I saw her walk around. It was a shorter girl, a brunette with freckles wearing a blue track jacket over a green t-shirt. For a moment I had difficulty believing that a girl was even talking to me but then I remembered that it probably wasn’t for anything good.

“Um..yes…?” I said apprehensively.

“Hi!” She said, her hand shot out and I instinctively shook it. “I’m Lauren, I’ve heard SO much about you.”

She giggled. No doubt she’d heard I was some kind of pervert.

“You…you have?” I was caught completely off guard, there was no recovering in this conversation.

“Mhm!” She said. Every one of her sentences came standard with an upward inflection. “So…I need help with something and one of the sisters said you could do it…could you come with me?”

“I…guess?” I said, completely unsure of where this was going.

“Great!” She grinned, taking my hand in hers and guiding me through the library. I stared at the back of her head, watching her perfectly straight brown hair swish with the motion. God, why couldn’t mine look like that? “Here we are!”

She pushed through a door into a private study area. It was a pretty bare room; wood paneling like the rest of the library and a table in the center with a laptop standing at the far end.

“Okay,” So I need some help with my laptop,” She said. “I turned it on this morning and…it’s just a black screen?”

“You…brought me here to fix your laptop?” I said incredulously. For some reason I’d thought this was going to be a lot worse.

“Uh-huh!” She said, practically skipping toward the laptop. I followed.

“Um..” I said, pressing a few buttons and trying a reboot. “I think…a file got corrupted? I guess a system restore?”

“I don’t even know what that is,” She said, biting her bottom lip and staring intently at me.

“I mean…I just have to press F8 as it starts up and hit restore.”

“You won’t lose my homework, right?”

“Your…no, it should –”

“I put it in the One Drive thing?”

“Okay,” I said. “Then it’s in the cloud, it’ll be there when the computer comes back up.”

“You’re pretty good at this, huh?”

I wanted to tell her that I knew how to follow on-screen instructions like any other idiot but I simply allowed myself to smile briefly and said yeah.

“Hey,” She said. “I have to go to class, I’ll be back after to pick this up, okay?”

“Oh!” I said. I hadn’t been expecting her to leave. “I…okay—”

By the time the words were out of my mouth, she was already gone. I was a little surprised, it wouldn’t take more than twenty minutes to do this. I wondered why she hadn’t called me earlier. Glancing at the laptop screen, I watched the recovery progress bar as it crept across the screen, finally reaching the halfway point and stopping. I wasn’t concerned, it happened a lot during system recoveries. I sat down in the cushioned chair and waited, and waited, and waited. After about thirty seconds I frowned. Nothing was happening. I instinctively reached my hand toward the power button and then stopped myself; what if a hard reboot fried the recovery partition? I had backup discs at my dorm, but what would she think if she came back and her laptop wasn’t here? On top of that, I kind of got the feeling that I wasn’t supposed to leave this room.

I checked my Facebook and wandered around the room for a bit, coming back to the laptop every few minutes to check. The progress bar didn’t move, at all. I peered out the window onto the courtyard and watched students coming and going. Over time, I noticed the noise outside the room grow quieter. People were leaving. My phone’s clock read 3:21. Finally, I resigned myself to sitting in the chair and leaning back to stare at the progress bar – still stuck at the halfway point with the laptop’s CPU light blinking.

I closed my eyes for just a minute, or at least I thought. The next moment I jumped, lurching my head forward. The windows were nearly dark – how long had I been asleep? I squinted and checked my phone, 5:25. What the hell.

“Lauren’s laptop is notorious for slow restores,” Aleah said. I must have jumped three feet in the air. As my stomach worked its way out of my throat, I stared at her like a deer in headlights; she was sitting in the chair caddy-corner to me at the table, nonchalantly looking through her phone, long black hair brushed off to one side. “She just didn’t want to spend all day working on it.”

“So, you…so you suckered me into doing it?” I asked incredulously.

“I sent you a text,” She said. “You didn’t technically have to show up.”

“Okay, but you have all of those pictures of me—”
“Deleted,” She said sharply, without glancing up from her phone.

“Wait, what?”

“Would be a little messed up to keep them around, considering the situation,” She said, finally looking up at me, her hazel eyes locking with mine.

I started to speak and say ‘what situation’ but I stopped myself short. I knew what the answer would be, and I was too embarrassed to even talk about it.

“What happens next is up to you,” She said curtly. “Come by the house at 7:30 AM tomorrow, if you want. If you don’t show up, we’ll forget any of this happened. You go back to whatever you were doing before, we forget you exist. But, if you do that, you don’t come to the house again, you don’t talk to any of us. Are we clear?”

I nodded.

“Good,” She said. She reached into her purse and pulled out a hamburger wrapped in foil, setting it down in front of me and taking the laptop. “Eat.”

I had paced around that room in the library for about fifteen minutes before a janitor stopped by to tell me that they were closing. So I’d gone home. Mason was there, lost in his own little world as he grinded mobs on Dark Pantheon; he’d barely even acknowledged my presence as I stepped through the door. I’d said hi to him and he just sort of grunted. I went to sleep. I woke up at 4 the next morning and stared at the ceiling as I tried to decide whether any of the last few days had been real. I had to go over the facts in my head. Fact 1: I’d broken into a sorority house and played dress up. Fact 2: I’d been caught and somehow didn’t go to jail. Fact 3: I was at home right now and they wanted me to come back in a few hours. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what forced fem story I’d read this in and how I’d somehow managed to create such a realistic fantasy. Eventually the clock beside me read 6:15. I had to get up. If any of this was real, I probably didn’t want to miss my opportunity – whatever the hell my opportunity was. Honestly, I didn’t know what they wanted but I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I don’t know how much time I spent pacing around outside, trying to make what had to be the toughest decision of my life, but here I was, at 6:58, standing in front of the GAT house. I took a deep breath and considered turning around three times before I finally pushed through the white picket gate and took step after agonizing step toward the house. I reached the front steps and through force of sheer will, I propelled myself onto the porch.

“Just keep going,” I muttered to myself. I wasn’t sure why I was here, I just knew that I didn’t want to lose contact with Aleah. I didn’t want this to be over. Didn’t want what to be over though?

“Who are you?” A male voice came from behind me. I spun around as if I’d been shot. It was Mike Jones, probably the most intimidating person who could have shown up right now. He was walking toward me, up the stairs, his hulking frame hugged loosely by his red and white letter jacket. As he mounted the summit of the steps, his hand brushed his blonde hair, and I couldn’t help but think that he was a perfect stereotype.

“I’m uh…” I stuttered. What could I even say to this guy?

“Do you have any reason to be here?” He demanded. “If not, scram.”

“I…okay,” I said, starting to turn away, wondering who said ‘scram’ anymore. Was I in a 90’s movie? As I moved toward the steps, the front door opened.

“Todd?” A new voice said. I turned to see a girl I hadn’t met yet, she was olive skinned with dark hair, very slim. “Hey, I’m Isabella, we’ve been expect—well, I mean, hoping you’d come.”

“You know this guy?” Mike demanded. “Looks like a pervert hanging around the house.”

“Mike, please don’t start, okay? Olivia’s not here, and tonight’s a girl’s night, you can come back tomorrow.”

“If it’s a girl thing then why is HE here?” Mike pointed a finger at me, which I’m pretty sure could have bored through my skull if he put enough effort into it. For some reason I flinched when he referred to me as ‘he’. I knew why but somehow it was starting to hurt more than usual.

“Todd’s here to see me,” Isabella said firmly, and with that she reached out, took my arm and gently pulled me toward the door.
“Well if he can come in, so can I!” Mike began to push his way past me.

“Mike, get lost,” Aleah appeared in the doorway as Isabella pulled me through the threshold.

“If it’s for girls only then he needs to get out,” Todd said, still pointing at me from the porch.

“What are you, ten years old?” Aleah demanded. “Don’t set foot in this house unless you’re invited, or I call the dean. Trust me, you don’t want that.”

She closed the door softly, showing no signs of aggression, but I could tell she was angry.

“Are you okay?” Aleah asked, studying me for a moment.

“I…well yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I shrugged. Aleah snorted.

“You’re going to have to drop that macho act,” She said, brushing past me. I felt Isabella’s hand on my shoulder, guiding me in the direction Aleah was walking. I felt so stiff, I didn’t dare look around; I kept my gaze straight ahead on Aleah’s back. This wasn’t right. I didn’t belong here.

We emerged from the foyer into the living room, it was the first time I’d seen it, really; it’d been dark the last time I came through here. It was a huge open space – I wasn’t really expecting that. A massive gray sectional couch dominated the area, directly across from a huge flat screen television that I could never afford, even if managed to sell both of my kidneys. Aleah snapped her fingers in front of my face, I guess I’d gotten lost in thought staring at the television.

“Focus,” She said. “We’re having an event here today, we’re welcoming the new pledges into our organization, and you’re going to make sure their cups stay full, so to speak.”

“I’m…sorry….” I said, “You’re going to use me as some kind of servant?”

“Pretty much,” Aleah shrugged. “Unless you have somewhere else you’d rather be.”
I didn’t.

“Okay then,” She took my silence as acceptance. “Isabella, all yours. Make sure he eats.”

Isabella turned and smiled widely, taking both of my hands in hers.

“Hey,” She said. “I know you’re nervous but it’s going to be okay, okay?”

I nodded. She turned, letting go of one hand but keeping the other firmly within her grasp as she walked briskly toward the stairs leading up to the second floor of the house. As we walked onto the landing and into the hallways where the bedrooms were, a blonde haired girl pushed past us and said ‘excuse me’ as she walked into a bathroom. I felt so nervous; there were so many other people here and I felt out of place. Thankfully, we were out of the hallway within a few seconds and inside a familiar bedroom – the one where I’d been tied up, on the floor a little over 24 hours ago. She led me over to one of the beds where a plaid, long sleeved dress with a belt lay draped over the comforter.

“We got you your own underwear and a bra,” She said. “There are some prosthetic breasts here, they were pretty easy to get because Lauren's mother had a mas—”

“You want me to wear this?” I said, suddenly starting to feel incredibly uneasy. If I could assign a number to my anxiety level it probably would have been a fifteen out of ten.

“You’ve worn a dress before, dear,” She said, shaking her head. “Believe me, it’s all I’ve heard about for the last day.

I gulped. They’d been talking about me. I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“I know, I just…never…”

“Never in front of other people?” She finished the sentence that I was struggling to get out. I nodded.

“Well I would say no one is judging you here, but they are. Not because of what you’re going to wear, but because you’re kind of an idiot.”

I blushed again. I’d been doing that a lot lately. I looked toward the door, I wanted to bolt. I needed to get out of here. I felt like I was suffocating.

“Hey,” She said, putting a hand on my cheek and pushing my gaze toward her instead. “We both know why you’re here. If you walk out, you’re going to regret it. You know I’m right.”

She was right. She handed me a pack of plastic wrapped panties and a loose bra.

“We had to guess your size, figured you were about a 30 because you fit into Aleah’s dress so well. Once you get dressed, we’ll go ahead and do your makeup. Tiffany is better at makeup but I have a better bedside manner and we didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Are you…do you want me to undress in front of you?”

She nodded. “Nothing to be ashamed of.”

I sighed, resigned to my fate, and began to get undressed. I noticed that she kept an eye on me the entire time, standing just a few feet away. As I dropped my clothes, she pointed to them and told me to fold them. I did, and she took them to the nearby closet. While she was there, I simply stood beside the bed, staring at the dress. I wanted to wear it, but I was frozen in place. It wasn’t until she came back and handed me the bra that I started to change. She helped me clasp it and inserted the silicone breasts into the cups. The first thing I noticed was that they were heavy. They immediately put a lot of weight onto my chest, and they were cold. The second thing I noticed, looking down, was that they didn’t look real. They didn’t match my skin color, and you could tell that they weren’t a part of my body, even with the bra squishing them tightly against my skin. I stared at them, a feeling of loss creeping into my subconscious until Isabella noticed and placed her hand gently under my chin, lifting my head and my gaze away from my chest.

“You’re really smooth,” She said to me. “Do you wax?”

I nodded, thinking about the spa wax kit I kept hidden at the dorm room. It was shoved in one of my under-bed drawers, sitting beneath an old t-shirt where I was sure Mason would never look. Not that he went through my drawers. Not that anyone went through my drawers. God why was I so paranoid?

“You’re doing a good job of it,” She nodded. “Okay, panties, come on hon, we’re on a schedule.”

She indicated the dress on the bed. It was beautiful, deep red with plaid strips and a long U-shaped neckline.

“So….” She said as she picked up the dress and showed it to me. “This is pretty well fitted so it doesn’t hang like a sack or anything. Most girl clothes are fitted so it shows off the curves. You don’t have too many curves, so I picked one where most of the stripes run vertically, it draws the eye away from your…width…if you know what I mean. It makes you look slimmer?”

I had no idea what she was talking about, so I stared at her and nodded. I’m sure she picked up on how stupid I was.

“So…another thing we can do is add a belt, it looks cute and it’ll bring more attention to your boobs.” I said nothing. The weight in the pit of my stomach was reaching upward, through my esophagus and holding my jaw tightly shut. “Come on, I’m gonna need some input.”

“Whatever…you want is fine,” I croaked. She rolled her eyes.

“Put your arms up.”

I did, and she slid the dress over my head. It hung effortlessly on my body, and as I looked down, I saw it completely concealed the silicone breasts. I couldn’t believe how well it fit or how amazing it felt. It was like…I didn’t want to wear anything else, ever again. I felt free, but at the same time, I was so afraid. She snapped a black belt around my waist; I looked down, but couldn’t see past ‘my’ boobs. I think I may have smiled a little.

“Sit down over here,” Isabella guided me to a makeup vanity where she styled my hair with a straightener and a few clips. “We thought about getting a wig but your hair is already long enough. Once we do your makeup you’ll be pretty passable.”

Passable as what? I watched, fascinated as she pulled a few items from the vanity and arranged them in front of me. She explained liquid foundation, eye shadow, eyeliner, and all kinds of things that I couldn’t remember if I tried. I just nodded along as if I understood while she applied them expertly to my face. I had just gotten accustomed to sitting still like a statue when Tiffany burst through the door.

“Are you two about done?” She demanded. “We need to set up.”

“Calm your tits,” Isabella responded. “I just need to do the setting powder.

I saw Tiffany peer over her shoulder at me. A chill went down my spine.

“Okay,” She said finally. “Someone needs to make a run to the store for chips and stuff.”

“I don’t think Aleah wants Todd leaving the house, so I’ll probably have to go. I have a car,” Isabella said as she brushed powder onto my face.

“You know I have a car too, right?” Tiffany put her hands on her hips.

“We both know you don’t want to go.”

I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a battlefield and I was about to catch a bullet.

“Okay, you look good enough,” Tiffany said coldly, pushing Isabella away and pulling me from the chair. She had such a strong grip. “Go downstairs, take the party stuff out of the fridge, put it on the table, we’re starting at noon and it’s almost nine now.”

“Wait!” Isabella said. I turned back to her, thankful that she was intervening. “Shoes, you need shoes.”

She walked to the closet and brought back a pair of simple black pumps. I put them on, surprisingly, they fit, though they were a little bit tight. She told me to take a few steps. I wobbled a bit but I got the hang of it.

“Okay, great,” Tiffany said, taking me by the arm and guiding me out of the room. “If you’re going to be here then you’re going to work.”
We reached the landing, and as we were about to walk down, my hand instinctively grabbed the railing, white knuckles denied me any further progress.

“I can’t go down there like this,” I suddenly said. I felt exposed. I could feel the air rushing between my legs, I could feel the weight of the makeup against my skin. I felt ridiculous.

“Are you kidding me?” Tiffany’s irate tone made her agitation clear. From her voice I knew one thing: I was going down those stairs one way or another. “Okay, I don’t have time for this.”

She grabbed my elbow and yanked me away from the bannister but didn’t force me down the stairs. Instead, she marched me down the hallway, took a left into a bathroom where another girl was moisturizing her face in front of the mirror.

“Beat it Olivia,” Tiffany growled as she pushed her out of the way and shoved me in front of the mirror. “Look.”

I gazed into the mirror. Behind me I saw Olivia, flustered, and trying to finish her moisturizing routine by ducking around me, but I saw someone else I didn’t recognize. Was that…me? I didn’t recognize myself, I looked…I looked like I always pictured myself. My hair was styled a lot like Aleah’s, but a little more volume, and my face betrayed none of my male features. I wanted to cry in happiness, but Tiffany cut the moment short.

“You done?” She demanded. “Let’s go.”

I couldn’t help but glance in the mirror one last time as she wrapped her fingers around my wrist and dragged me from the bathroom. This time I dutifully followed her down the stairs and felt my anxiety rise as I spotted someone I hadn’t met before standing near the living room couch, sorting through a folder full of papers. She was a bit older than the other girls, maybe in her thirties, but still beautiful.

“Oh, right,” Tiffany said as she led me toward the woman. “Amelie, this is Todd, Todd, Amelie. Amelie is our house mother.”

“Very nice to meet you, Todd,” The woman shot her hand out but maintained a stern look as she studied every inch of me. I felt like I was being auctioned off for some reason.

“I...hi…” I stuttered.

“We don’t normally allow visitors on the second floor,” She said. She reached out and straightened a wrinkle on my dress, and then pulled my left sleeve down; I guess it had been a little crooked. “We made an exception for you at Aleah’s insistence, but you’re going to be on your best behavior here, do you understand?”

“Okay,” I nodded quickly.

“Try again” She said, setting the folder down on the couch end table and crossing her arms. She stared down at me, though she barely had an inch on me. I felt so small.

“Yes Ma’am”, Tiffany whispered into my ear.

“Yes Ma’am,” I said quickly, breaking eye contact and staring down at her feet.

“What do you have him doing?” Amelie asked of Tiffany. I flinched again at the use of the word ‘him’. What was wrong with me? She must have noticed, because I could feel her studying me, even though my eyes were still downcast.

“What do you have her doing?” Amelie corrected herself. I don’t know why it made such a difference, but it did. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I finally looked up at her for a brief second. I felt like I was on the verge of tears, but somehow, I didn’t want to admit it. I don’t know why.

“I want her to set up the food trays,” Tiffany said. She was much more respectful to Amelie than she had ever been to me. I guess I couldn’t blame her. “We got blocks of cheese this year instead of the trays because it was a little cheaper. “

“Oh right, that’s a start,” Amelie said, still studying me. “Make sure she wears an apron, okay?”

“Definitely,” Tiffany said, grabbing my arm and pulling me away. “Don’t want to ruin that dress.”

“Oh, hey, Tiffany, can you ask Aleah to come see me when you get a chance?” Amelie called after us.

“Sure thing!” Tiffany responded, guiding me toward the open kitchen on the other side of the room. I think my arm was starting to bruise from the way she kept manhandling me. She led me around the long kitchen island and released me only when we’d reached the center. “Go to the fridge and get those blocks of cheese from the middle shelf; I’m going to show you how to cut cheese.

“Tiffany,” I said quietly, practically mumbling.

“What?” She demanded.

“Why…why does Aleah want me here?”
“Get the cheese,” She said after a second of silence, handing me an apron before I turned toward the fridge.

I did as I was told, walking to the refrigerator and bending down to grab a few blocks of cheese from the middle shelf, all wrapped in plastic with ‘Kraft’ on the label. Within a few seconds, Tiffany was at my side with her hand on my shoulder.

“What are you doing” She asked quizzically, as if I should have known.

“I’m getting the cheese,” I said apprehensively, wondering if she was going to hit me again.

“Why are you bending over like that? Put the cheese down,” She took it from me and put it back on the middle shelf. “Put your knees together,”

I looked at her questioningly, she stared at me intently until I pulled my legs together, my knees touching.

“Now, squat down and straighten your dress so you don’t show your butt.”

I did it, bending my knees slowly.

“Keep the knees together!” She said sternly. “Don’t pull them apart, act like a lady.”

This was harder than I thought. I pressed my knees together and tried to keep my balance as I reached toward the center shelf. Suddenly, I wobbled and fell backward, slamming into the tile.

“Are you SERIOUS?!” Tiffany hissed before reaching down and helping me to my feet. “Do it again, don’t fall this time.”

It was hard, but somehow, I pulled it off, and we moved back to the counter where she’d already laid out a cutting board and a cheese slicer.

“I was going to make you do this with a knife, but I don’t have all day, just use the slicer to make cubes – don’t make them crooked. Do it for all of the blocks in the fridge on that middle shelf, I’ll be back.”

She watched me for a moment, and then, satisfied that I knew what I was doing, left the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief as she disappeared through a door and into another part of the house. I continued cutting, taking blocks from the refrigerator as needed. I felt horribly apprehensive every time someone walked through the living room. Did they know who I was? What if someone talked to me? I felt so out of place here, even though, honestly, there was no where else I’d rather be. I wondered if Mason had texted me yet, asking where I was. I probably had some raid or quest scheduled with him. Ugh…what would he think if he knew where I was now? I realized that I didn’t have my phone with me. Isabella must have taken it.

The entire time, no one looked at me more than once. Maybe they were glad they didn’t have to spend any time slicing cheese. By the time I was finished I had a mountain of cheese cubes sitting on a tray. I realized that out of habit, I’d arranged the entire thing into a rounded pyramid and sighed – my stupid OCD was showing again.

“Nice arrangement,” Tiffany said as she walked back into the kitchen. You ready to slice apples?”

By the time I was done we had a huge assortment of fruits and vegetables – all of which would have been a lot easier if they’d just spent the money on vegetable trays. My hands felt numb from all the cutting, but Tiffany insisted that I place all of trays on the elevated part of the island – sort of like a buffet.

“We’re starting at noon,” Tiffany said. “You’re going to stand here, in the kitchen. If someone wants something, you bring it to them. You fill drinks, you keep your mouth shut unless someone asks you a question. When you DO answer someone, you answer respectfully, do you understand?”

I nodded.

“Say ‘Yes, Miss Tiffany’”, She said to me.

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” I hated it, but it was her party and from what I knew about GAT, it was how they made their pledges address them. Kind of a power trip but it wasn't unique to me.

“Do you have a problem with that?” She asked “You hesitated a little there.”

“I guess…” I said, not sure if I should really say anything. “It just makes me feel…small.”

“Funny thing about guys,” She said. “You’re all conditioned to treat women like crap, so being respectful doesn’t tend to come naturally. Welcome to hell.”

She left me to speak to Isabella on the other side of the room, but turned to speak to me again.

“Make sure you answer the door if someone knocks!”

“Yes Miss Tiffany,” I muttered.

“Louder!”

“Yes Miss Tiffany!” I curled my fist a bit, a gesture that I thought she wouldn’t notice, but she suddenly crossed the room again, grabbing my wrist and slapping my hand as hard as she could. I couldn’t believe how bad it hurt. Pain immediately radiated across my knuckles and through my hand. I yelped and fell to my knees. She kept a grip on my wrist and stared down at me.

“You can cut that crap out right now,” She said, releasing my wrist and turning to speak to Isabella. As I struggled to pull myself back up, I could hear her and Isabella talking and laughing as if she hadn’t just walked across the room and struck me. It was starting to sink in again that I was nothing here.

Before I’d even had a chance to recover, I heard a knock at the door. I saw Tiffany glance over at me and I quickly moved to answer it.

“Smile,” She said to me with an almost gleeful upward inflection as I walked past her. I opened the door and smiled as widely as I could. There was a girl about my age standing in the doorway dressed in a knee-length lace dress, looking as if she were about to attend a funeral. It matched her jet black hair.

“Hi, I’m Liz?” She said. “I’m here for the party?”

I started to speak, but then realized that I had a male voice. The moment I opened my mouth she would know. I glanced nervously back at Tiffany who mouthed: “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m…” I started to whisper.

“Oh are you a new pledge too?” She grinned as she stepped through the door. “I’m a little nervous too!”

“Nah, not a pledge,” Tiffany said as she stepped in. “She’s just helping us out for today.”

I’m surprised I didn’t collapse from relief as Tiffany took over the conversation and led Liz off toward the other side of the room.

“Wow,” Isabella said as she walked past me. “That was LITERALLY the most awkward display I’ve ever seen.”

For the next hour, several more girls showed up and I put on the exact same awkward display, anxiously waiting for a GAT sister to take over the conversation. They always did, but they seemed to leave me hanging for a minute or two. At some point, Tiffany came over to me and informed me that she was going to be calling me ‘Kelly’ for today because she was tired of skirting around my male name everytime she spoke to me in front of the other girls. It wasn’t the name I would have chosen, but it worked, I guess.

The day started with a meeting where Aleah introduced herself and gave a speech on sorority life, sisterhood, and all the benefits of being a GAT pledge. I listened intently and felt kind of jealous that I wasn’t in on this.

For the most part I was ignored, and surprisingly, I didn’t have to do much. I wondered why I was even here. Aleah introduced them to the house mother, Amelie, and explained that she was there to make sure everything ran smoothly.

“And, finally,” Aleah said, gesturing to me. “This is Kelly, she’s not one of us, but she’s here to make sure all of your needs are met today. You need a drink refilled, or you want a plate, you just flag her down, okay?”

Everyone looked toward me, and I immediately cringed. Could they tell I was a guy? I guess Isabella had done a great job with the makeup because no one seemed to stare or look confused. A few of them waved and smiled, someone said ‘Hi Kelly!’, but I had no idea where it had come from. I smiled nervously and waved back. Tiffany stared hard at me; I was doing something wrong, but that was nothing new.

The meeting continued until Aleah finally dismissed them, and then the event resumed like a normal party. They talked and laughed amongst themselves and I was left to stare at them, wishing I could be a part of it, but my frozen legs wouldn’t allow me to move beyond the kitchen. I gripped the counter; I felt like I was going to pass out as the noise from the crowd buzzed around me. Surprisingly no one asked me for anything, I just made sure that the food trays were filled every once in a while.

“Did you eat today?” Aleah asked me. I jumped. I hadn’t even seen her come over. I stared at her. She was wearing a brief black slink dress that matched her form perfectly – I was overcome with jealousy that she could look like that in a dress. She noticed me staring. I shook my head.

“Okay,” She said. “What did I tell you about that?”

“To…eat,” I mumbled.

“This isn’t healthy,” She remarked with a tone of finality. Make a plate, go sit down at the table and eat it.”

I did as she asked but took as little as possible from the counter.

“More,” Aleah said.

I took a few more pieces of cheese and I felt her eyes follow me as I walked from the counter to the table on the other side of the room, in the open dining room. I nervously sat down and started to pick at the food. I felt like Tiffany would see me sitting down and chew me out for it, but I saw her glance at me once from across the room and then continue her conversation with someone.

“You and I are going to have a talk later,” Aleah said, standing over me with her arms crossed. “This stuff about…not eating, it’s unacceptable. If I have to make you come over here and eat, I will.”

How often was I going to be over here?

I sat silently waiting for her to speak again.

“You’re going to go home tonight, but you’re going to watch your phone. All of the sisters have put themselves in your address book, so you’ll know whose calling. If we text, or call, you show up.”

“I don’t—” I started to say. School was starting soon, and I wasn’t sure if my schedule would allow for it. These are the last few days of summer, and I’d spent a lot of time fooling around, being one of the few students that opted to stay in the dorms.

“Hey!” She said, snapping her fingers to get my attention. I stopped speaking immediately. “You broke into our house, you put my clothes on, which, in itself is a load of bull. I gave you the option to walk away, you didn’t take it, so now you’re going to play along.”

I thought about it. She didn’t have the pictures anymore, so I guess I could have just walked away right now. I could have, but I didn’t want to. This was so uncomfortable, but…I didn’t want it to end. Whether I liked it or not, she had me.

“Okay,” I choked on the words.

She nodded.

“Good.”

“Mason, wait up!” I called out to him as I worked my way across the rocks. One foot in front of the other, avoiding cracks, and most importantly, avoiding the edge of the cliff we were practically pressed up against. I did my best to avoid looking down and glancing at the thick foliage below; it just wasn’t healthy.

“I think we’re about there, dude!” Mason said. He was an expert at skipping across the rocks. I can’t imagine how he did it, he hadn’t been sober since the first day of high school. “Come on! You can do this crap in ‘Dark Pantheon’, just raise your agility!”

He said ‘raise your ability’ in a sing songy voice and raised his arms as if he were lifting something. I didn’t bother reminding him that ‘Dark Pantheon’ wasn’t real. We were out here searching for a Geocache – a hidden object searchable only through geographical coordinates. Someone at Woodcrest kept a website detailing the latitude and longitude of all caches on or near the campus, and Mason was particularly insistent on finding this one. I had no idea why.

We’d been walking for hours; or at least I thought it had been hours. I’d barely had time to come home and get a shower that night before collapsing into my bed like butter melting into a dish. Mason had woken me at six AM and dragged me off to the park, where we now searched for this hidden cache.

“Hey, odd question,” Mason said as he skipped from rock to rock and I followed, flailing my arms and practically tripping over pebbles. “Where were you yesterday?”

“Yesterday?” I said as innocently as possible. “I was…uh…prancing around in a dress at the GAT house serving drinks for their pledge initiation.”

“Funny,” Mason snorted. “Well, wherever you REALLY were, we had a raid last night, we were a man down because of you.”
Yeah, a man down in more ways than he realized.

“Yeah sorry about that,” I said simply. We walked on in silence for a bit until we came to a ledge. Mason checked his phone.

“We’re right on top of it,” He announced. I looked down.

“What? I don’t see anything.”

“Yep, the GPS puts it below us,” He said proudly. “So we either dig…which we can’t, because this is solid rock, or there’s a cave somewhere.

“Are you serious? We can’t go into a cave, what if we get lost?”

“We’ll call for help!” Mason pointed to his phone.

“Underground?!”

“Hey, I pay for a good signal, so should you.”

“It doesn’t matter!” I shouted as Mason walked to the cliff edge and looked down. “It’s UNDERGROUND!”

“Yes, well, cave’s right here, in the cliff face,” Mason pulled his backpack off, set it down, and produced a nylon rope. “We’ll tie it off to that rock there, alright?”

I barely argued with him before we found ourselves suspended from the rope and climbing into the cave opening. It wasn’t very big, just about the size of a door. I swung in after him and we stood in the landing, staring down into a dark abyss. The rays of sunlight behind me illuminated the immediate interior, but I knew that if we walked too much further, I wouldn’t be able to see my own hand in front of my face. Mason switched on his flashlight. Of course he had a flashlight.

“WHY is there a cave here?” I asked stupidly. Mason turned to look at me.

“Why is there a cave anywhere?”

“Good point.”

“Now pull up your big girl panties and let’s go.”

I knew it was just a figure of speech, but I flinched a little bit when he said panties.

In my pocket, I heard my phone buzz.

“You hear that?” Mason said as he started walking. “You’ve got plenty of signal down here!”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

“You’ve got so much signal you could make a cake with it!”

“That literally makes no sense.”

As we walked into the darkness, I pulled my phone out to check the text. It was from Tiffany.

Kelly – We want you to practice acting more feminine. Be quieter when you’re out in public, take up less space when you stand, things like that. Also, remember what I told you about keeping your legs together when you squat? Do that all the time. When you stand, sit, whatever. Make yourself small.

I looked at the text indifferently and jokingly replied:

What’s next? Wearing a dress in public?

I put the phone back in my pocket and continued to follow Mason.

“Oh look at this!” He said, pointing his flashlight at a set of chalk markings on the wall. “Someone’s been down here already!”
“Great, so we’ll find their bodies,” I was only half joking.

We walked on for a bit longer, at some point we had to duck under a low hanging wall and crawl through a brief tunnel before emerging into an open area. It was an underground lake of sorts; I could hear running water. Stalactites hung from the roof of the cavern, taking my anxiety to new and improve heights.

“Would you look at that,” Mason said. “Isn’t nature a beaut?”

“We’re going to die down here,” I stated conclusively. “This is how I die.”

“Cheer up,” He said. “At least there won’t be an open casket; you’re too ugly for that.”

Just before I could quip back, I felt the ground shudder beneath my feet and a massive banging sound could be heard behind us. I jerked and looked around, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. What was that? Was the cavern collapsing? We were about to die?

“What the hell was that, Mason?!” I shouted. My voice echoed throughout the cavern.

“Probably just the cave collapsing behind us,” He shrugged. He was stoic as ever, standing tall before the cavern; he hadn’t even turned around.

“Aren’t you freaking concerned about that?!” I demanded “We’re going to die down here!”

“Todd, my friend,” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You have to learn to stop escalating every single situation. Try to think of the positives.”

“We’re stuck in a freaking cave, underground!” I quieted my voice when I realized I was actually screaming. “There’s no way out!”

“And that’s unfortunate,” He said reassuringly. “But think of it this way: we have air to breathe, obviously, no broken bones, and we’re still alive! Plus, we still have that cache to find.”

“You’re still worried about the stupid cache?!” I exclaimed. “We have to find a way out!”

Mason shook his head and took his hand down.

“Okay, look, Todd,” He said. “Do you remember when we were kids, and we got lost in the woods?”

I allowed myself to smirk a bit.

“How could I forget? They called the police and the fire department out after us.”

“Yeah, they did, and they thought we drowned, remember all that?”

“Yeah, I do. They were sending scuba divers into the pond in my dad’s backyard to look for our bodies.”

“Yeah, and who got us home?”

“You did,” I remembered I’d been freaking out, and Mason had kept a cool head the entire time. When I’d finally calmed down and followed him, he’d gotten us home, easily. That entire ordeal probably could have been a few hours shorter if I hadn’t spent so much time freaking out.

“And I’ll get us home this time,” He said reassuringly. “You just have to calm down, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, trying to slow my breathing. I don’t know what I would have done without Mason. Sure he was a slob, but like he said, he always managed to get us home somehow. I wondered if he’d still be my friend if he knew I was trans. If the GAT sisters kept it up, he would find out sooner or later and the thought terrified me. Mason and I had been friends since the first grade. Well, sort of, he’d tried to borrow my pencil and I’d kicked him in the shin. I guess I was kind of an ass. Maybe I was still kind of an ass.

Mason sighed and sat down on the ground just next to the raised ledge that ran around the perimeter of the lake.

“Have a seat,” He said to me.

“I really don’t think this is the time,” I said as I looked around the cavern, trying to find another entrance, or exit, or whatever.

“Or have a stand,” He shrugged. “Either way, we need to talk.”

I begrudgingly sat down on the ledge, leaving a good distance between us.

“You’ve been acting weird lately, really, really weird.”

What did he define as weird?

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said defensively. “I’m just acting like myself.”

“Look, I try to mind my own business, but there’s something eating away at you and as your best friend, it’s my business to find out what your business is. Is there anything I can do to help? Anything at all?”

I wanted to audibly sigh, but for this, I couldn’t really let him know that there was ANYTHING wrong. I sat in silence, he simply stared off in another direction as I tried to come to terms with my situation. You know, breaking into the GAT house wasn’t spontaneous. It wasn’t just something I’d pulled out of my ass last night, though I kind of wish it had been. Wouldn’t it be nice if I were one of those college guys that got his rocks off breaking into sororities and sniffing panties? Yeah, it would. It had all started when I was a kid, I think. I remembered sitting with my mom in that orange car, the one she always bragged about buying for $200. God how long ago was this? Right, six years old. It was a really crappy car, actually. Another thing she’d bragged about was using a pencil to…to something. Something about the car not starting and using a pencil to hold it together. What on Earth had she been talking about? What did this have to do with anything?

I remembered looking at her as we sat there with the cold morning pushing against the barely heated interior. I’d looked at her and said “Mommy, am I a boy or a girl?” What a stupid question, really. I think she’d hesitated a moment before saying: “You’re my beautiful little boy.”

Of course, she’d said that, what else would she say? It didn’t feel right though. Something was way off about it. I’d never felt like a man, period. I guess my dad and I had done male type…things. We’d gone fishing, we’d worked in his garage after school, so many things that I’d never even wanted to do, and now I felt bad that those times had gone by so fast. Had I really put enough effort into a relationship with my parents? Was it really something I needed to worry about while I was stuck underground with Mason? I think part of my being distracted had to do with the fact that I still felt guilt over my parents. I hadn’t told them yet, but you know what? I’d have to tell them someday, wouldn’t I? I knew who they were, what they were like, and I knew that as soon as I told them, our relationship would never be the same. They might even disown me. It wasn’t that I was afraid, it was just the guilt that was creeping up inside me, occupying every square inch of my being. They had raised me, and I was going to betray them like this. You know what? To be perfectly honest, it was going to happen anyway, someday, at some point, but Aleah and the others, well, they might have sped things along a little. I had been so afraid in the moment, but what they’d done to me, no what they’d done for me, it had made me feel so alive. For the first time in my life, I was a woman. I was treated as a woman, and no one at that party thought any different. I was beginning to realize that for the first time in my life I had felt complete. Kind of like when I played my character, Audri in Dark Pantheon. Yeah, that was it, I’d been Audri. Audrey. In real life. I wanted that again. I wanted it so badly. It was a burning desire that washed over my very soul and made my skin crawl. I was addicted – addicted to being myself, and it wasn’t going to go away.

I felt Mason staring at me now; I’d been so lost in thought and he must have noticed. The space between us wasn’t nearly far enough; I thought about scooting over some more.

“I guess…” I finally said aloud, my voice rudely interrupting the ‘drip drip drip’ of water emanating from the cavern ceiling. “I guess I’m just worried about school starting, you know? I’m just…well there’s that math class coming up and you know I’m not good at math.”

Mason stared at me hard for a moment.

“That’s not it,” He said finally.

“That’s it,” I said, trying to sound as convincing as humanly possible. He didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him; why would he.

“You know, if you won’t talk to me, you should talk to Chastity,” He said, finally standing up from the ledge. “You need to talk to someone.”

I cringed a bit at the mention of my girlfriend. She’d been away for the summer, back home. I’d stayed at school; I really didn’t want to go back to my parents. Maybe I should have, because then my stupid little secret could stay buried, but now it was like someone had thrown an antacid tablet into a bottle of soda and closed the lid. It was bursting at the seams, screaming to get out. That was my reality. A secret that was going to destroy me whether it came out, or not. God, what was wrong with me?

“Now,” Mason said as he stood and clapped his hands. “Let’s see if we can find that cache. You know school starts next week and there’s something in here we can definitely use to entertain ourselves until then.”

We walked the perimeter of the cave, using Mason’s phone to periodically check the coordinates.

“Here we go,” He said, jumping off a small ledge near the lake and peering beneath. “Yup, it’s in this little cubby.”

He reached his arm beneath the ledge and pulled out a small, beaten metal box. Setting it on the ledge, he opened it up and pulled out an envelope. He opened it and peered inside.

“What is it?” I asked curiously, almost forgetting our predicament.

“Two codes for the new ‘Dark Pantheon’ expansion,” He said proudly.

“Are you…are you serious?” I gasped. I’d been seeing promotions for the expansion for a long time now, but I was dreading spending the $50 on it. Okay, yeah, I had enough money from my savings, but I was sort of picky about it. More so than Mason.”

“About as serious as I can get,” He said. “Now let’s find a way out of here. Think about this, if we can see, that means there’s light, and if there’s light, there’s a way out.”

I looked up, he was right, there was light coming from the cavern ceiling. Why hadn’t I noticed that?

“But…how do we get up there?”

“We climb,” Mason pointed to the wall at the far end of the cavern. “ I can see an opening up there, it’s pretty small, but if I’m right, it comes out in that little patch of woods near the park entrance.”

“So, we’re going to come out near the entrance,” I said. “How does that even make sense?”

“Means it’s a secret entrance to the cavern,” Mason shrugged. “People come down here to er…do stuff. I happen to know that the big boulder by the entrance is just sitting on top of a hole, you can open it right up and jump down here. Come on, let’s go push it open.”

“So that’s why you weren’t worried,” I said, annoyed.

”I was a little,” He admitted. “We could have been in the wrong cave.”

“Mason, how many caves are on campus?”

“Well, all of them.”

We climbed the rock wall, Mason more sure of himself than I was, but I somehow found myself at the top and crouched on the cramped ledge before he did. I noticed my hands were bruised and sore – I wondered how I was even going to play Dark Pantheon at this point.

“Come on, give it a push!” Mason said insistently. I reached upward, through the man-sized entrance and found my hands against stone. It was a rounded rock, one that felt out of place for where we were. It was rough, while the rest of the stone around us was smooth. I pushed hard, but I couldn’t get it to budge at first. I tried again, this time putting my back into it, and it began to roll – a little. Finally, I felt it roll. Just barely. Just enough for it to roll onto its side and daylight streamed into the cavern. I covered my eyes as the sun beat down onto my face. I emerged from the cave, my clothes were muddy, and I noticed that my hands were scraped raw from the climbing and pushing the stupid rock out of the way.

“Holy crap, I did it,” I said as I stood up in the daylight. I looked around from left, to right, and saw that we were in fact near the entrance to the park. Then, to my absolute horror, I saw Tiffany and Aleah standing next to the trail entrance, dressed in hiking gear.

Aleah stared at me, mouth agape, Tiffany looked unimpressed. She removed her phone from her pocket, typed something in, and I immediately heard my phone buzz. I looked at her, and she refused to stop staring at me. I finally took my phone from my pocket and saw her response to my earlier message: Yes.

I looked up again and they were already making their way down the trail.

“Hey!” Mason said from below me. “You want to move out of the way and let a guy up? I don’t want to die down here!”

Synopsis: The writer of the story suffers from an existential crisis as she realizes she wrote this exact same chapter in Allison's Pledge. She becomes even more disillusioned when she realizes that both times, she was stoned out of her ever loving mind. She still might be.

It was 1:30 PM by the time we got done with the caves and I made an excuse to head off on my own. I just didn’t feel like sitting in the dorm room playing Dark Pantheon. I can’t really explain it; usually I loved the game but now I just couldn’t keep my mind on it. I was thinking about something else, particularly the GAT house.

I wandered off into the park and walked one of the trails, though to be honest, I was never really much of a ‘nature’ person. I just did a lot of walking and thinking. It was quiet here, I liked that. I don’t know how long I walked, it had to be a least a mile, but finally I came onto a brick structure, practically grown into the side of an embankment for all the years it had been there. It was an old bathroom, one of those that didn’t even have flushable toilets – just holes in the ground. So, given that I didn’t have to pee, and it was a completely bad decision, why wouldn’t I explore the thing?

Across the threshold I could hear the atmosphere around me change. My footsteps echoed and the air was noticeably moist. I ran my fingers along the old cinderblock walls, feeling the moss beneath them. I smiled a little; I’d always loved exploring old buildings like this even if it was just a bathroom. The most interesting thing about old structures was the amount of history they held, even though it was never recorded. Who had been in here? What had they done, besides the obvious? Sometimes I used to look through old picture books and stare at the people, especially those from like the 40’s and 50’s wondering what their lives must have been like, what they were thinking in that moment. What were their hopes and fears? Were their lives similar to mine? That was all I was thinking of really as I pressed on through the darkness, waiting for my eyes to adjust.

Walking around, I peeked through one of the open doors and recoiled at the smell. Clearly those toilets hadn’t been pumped in a while. I reeled backwards, gripping the concrete wall for support. The cinderblock was cold beneath my hand. As I started to turn, I felt an impact in the small of my back, and suddenly, I flew forward, slamming into the wall in front of me. My face hit the cinderblock and I could feel the skin shred from my nose and forehead. I screamed, but out here, no one could have possibly heard me.

“You know how long I’ve been waiting to get you alone?” I heard the familiar voice of Mike Jones say from behind me. I rolled over, my back against the wall as I stared up at him. He was still wearing that stupid letter jacket. I wondered if he ever took it off. “You’ve been hanging around the Gamma house, and you know what? That’s going to stop.”

“You have this all wrong Mik—” I started to say, but a work boot impacted the side of my face. I couldn’t believe how badly it hurt. Before I could even recover, he’d grabbed me by the back of my shirt and dragged me further into the bathroom. He hit me again, this time on the fleshy part of my shoulder and dropped me onto the floor. I laid there, against the putrid concrete, arms folded against my stomach as the pain radiated from the front of my stomach all the way to my spine. Every time I attempted to speak, I simply choked. I saw purplish red blood seeping onto the floor. Was that mine? I vaguely heard the sound of a sink being filled, and then, I was being lifted. I caught a glimpse of my face in the cracked, filthy mirror just before my head was dunked into the filthy water. I struggled. I felt my lungs burn. I struggled against his grip, but I couldn’t get my head to break the surface of the water. It seemed like forever. I knew that the human body could withstand up to three minutes without air; how long did I have here? Before I could wonder any further, he tore my head from the sink and I gasped for air. My lungs felt like they were on fire and my chest burned with the expansion of my lungs. I wanted to say something, but what?

As soon as I took a breath, he dunked my head again. I tried to take a breath this time, but only managed to get a lung full of water. He held me under again, I don’t know for how long, but soon I found myself looking at my face in the mirror again. I was bruised, battered. My left eye was swollen, I could see blood on my lip.

“Now you listen to me, you little shit,” Mike said. “The Gamma house is off limits to you. If I see you there again, it’s going to be worse next time. Got it?”

I couldn’t do much other than moan.

He responded by dragging me toward one of the holes in the ground. The toilet.

“Gotta teach you a lesson,” He said, almost happily.

“Mike, don’t,” I gasped as I realized what he was about to do.

“You couldn’t have picked a better place,” He said proudly as he held my head over the open hole. The smell of shit and untold other substances floated upward, invading my nostrils as I hyperventilated and struggled against his grip. It was hopeless. “because, if I find you at Gamma again, I’m going to throw you in there, and it’s deep enough that you won’t get out, and NO ONE will find you here.”

With that, he slammed me into the ground. I would have screamed but I no longer had the energy or even the willpower. I don’t know long I laid there after he left. I could feel my blood, sticky against my face, and the horrid smell from the toilet crept into my nostrils. I must have vomited a few times, I could see a pool of it in front of me. I blacked out a few times, that I’m sure of, and when I finally came to for the last time, it was dark outside, and pitch black inside the concrete bathroom. I slowly peeled myself off of the floor; every inch of me ached and burned. I finally managed to pull myself upright and dragged myself to the wall to sit upright. I coughed and sputtered, wheezing with every single breath. There was no way I was going to walk out of here; I couldn’t even remember how far I was from the start of the trail.

“What the hell,” muttered. I reached an aching hand into my left pocket and pulled out my phone. The screen was cracked, but with a few presses of the ‘home’ button, I managed to bring it to life. It took me a long moment to comprehend the icons scattered across the display, but I finally found the message button, pressed it, and brought up the menu. I saw a dozen texts from Tiffany and Aleah, most of them simply saying “Where are you?”. I wanted to answer so badly. I wanted to ask them for help. I’d never wanted anything so bad in my entire life, and I don’t know why. Instead, I scrolled until I found Mason’s message box. I sent two words: “Help me” and shared my location. My hand weakened, the phone stopped and clattered against the ground and my vision blurred. I felt myself getting weaker and weaker. Finally, I faded out of reality, or at least I thought.

“Well, you’ve gotten yourself into it, haven’t you?” I heard Mason say. I opened my eyes a bit and saw him squatting in front of me, arms crossed atop his kneecaps, and wearing that red leather jacket the he had on all the time. He wasn’t here, of course; he couldn’t have shown up that quickly.

“Mason,” I muttered. “Are you really here?”

“Either that or you have an active imagination,” He said, standing up and striding toward the other side of the bathroom. He stopped in front of the opposite row of sinks and examined himself in one of the busted mirrors. “You mind telling me what you’ve been up to?”

“I messed up, Mason,” I confessed. “You know I just –”

“You just like getting all dolled up and pretending you’re a girl, is that it?”

“Okay, now I know you’re not really here,” I said. “Mason wouldn’t know that.”

“You’re probably right,” He said, turning around and making eye contact with me. “You’re always so damn secretive, you don’t let anyone in, why is that?”

“You know why.”

“Right,” Mason said, walking toward me. He didn’t stop until he was a few feet from me, and suddenly dropped down, until his face was just a few inches from mine. “Because YOU don’t want them to learn your dirty little secret.”

“Of all the freaking hallucinations I could have had right now, why did it have to be you?”

“It’s your nightmare,” Mason said as he shifted into Tiffany. “Can be anyone you want.”

“Okay, that’s a little better.”

“You’re probably dying on a bathroom floor,” Tiffany said. “I don’t see how it’s better.”

“That’s just me escalating things, like Mason said,” I shrugged, or at least I tried to shrug. It felt like knives were digging into my shoulders.
“Let’s just cut to the chase here,” She said, standing with her arms crossed, as the real Tiffany often would. “You don’t let people in, because you haven’t let yourself in yet. You’re still walking around in that stupid male body, pretending to be a guy. You hate yourself, so why would you want people to like you, or even know you?”

“I think you’re full of shit,” I said angrily, my head rolling to the side.

There was probably more to that whole exchange, that fight raging inside my head, but I never got to see much more of it. The scene simply faded into lights and colors as I let myself go. I remembered once, well maybe more than once, my dad had said to me “Todd, if you think you have a concussion, don’t go to sleep.”. I don’t know if I had a concussion, but I was definitely sleepy. I just couldn’t --

“Are you awake?” Mason asked. His voice seemed far away.

“Mason?”

“Todd?”

The bathroom faded from my sight, torn away like a discarded canvas, and was replaced by the pale white of a hospital room. I heard the whirring of machinery, and felt the pain of a needle in my arm. It wasn’t a proper hospital room – that much I could tell. At my feet I could see a blue curtain, the only shield between me and a bustling emergency room.

Mason was sitting beside the bed, he looked uncharacteristically concerned. He wouldn’t be so concerned if he knew the truth.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“The hospital dude, what happened to you?”

“I know that,” I said sharply. “Which hospital?”

I have no idea why it mattered which hospital we were at.

“Um…Woodcrest, where else?”

“Right.”

“Dude your phone’s been buzzing like crazy, someone named Tiffany keeps texting you – I didn’t know you talked to girls.”

“What?”

“I don’t know man, I thought you were gay there for a while.”

I blinked.

“Mason, I will get off this bed and—”

Before I could finish my sentence the curtain flew open, and Julia Stenson strode in. Still in plain clothes like the last time I saw her, but this time her badge was clearly visible.

“Okay,” She said to me, as she wasted no time pulling a notepad from her blazer pocket. “We’re going to make this short and sweet. You tell me what happened and –”

“I fell,” I told her as I looked at the ceiling.

“Oh no,” She said, shaking her head. “No no no, we’re not playing that game. You’re going to tell me exactly what happened to you.”

“Nothing happened,” I said in a monotone voice. “I just slipped in the bathroom.”

“You slipped and fell, in the bathroom,” She repeated after me. “Did the bathroom punch you in the face?”

“It was particularly aggressive.”

“Dude,” Mason said softly. “You didn’t fall. This didn’t happen because of a fall.”

“I’m clumsy, you know that,” I said quickly. “You saw me at the cave, I’m like a bull in a china wagon.”

“Cupboard,” Mason corrected.

“What?”

“Bull in a china cupboard. What the hell is a china wagon?”

Julia closed her eyes briefly and raised her hands in the air.

“Okay,” She said. “Todd, you listen to me, and you listen to me closely. No one is after you, except maybe the person who did this to you. I get it, you’re not going to tell me. I have a feeling I know why, but I want you to know, right now, here, that I’m going to find out.”

I stared at her coldly, my eyes betraying no emotion.

“I fell.”

“Yeah, I get it,” She said, slamming the notepad shut and placing it back in her pocket. “You’re not going to talk to me for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t like me, maybe you’re afraid, I don’t know what your reason is, but whatever it is, you WILL talk to her.”

She motioned toward the open curtain. I looked. Tiffany stood with her arms crossed, leaning against the wall. How had she found me this fast? Of course, Julia had called her. Why did they have to have a friend who worked at the police station? I closed my eyes in utter defeat as Julia left the room and Tiffany strode toward the bed.

“Dude,” Mason said. “THAT Tiffany? You know THAT Tiffany? Who are you? I don’t even know you anymore!”

Tiffany pointed at Mason.

“You, out,” She snapped at him.

“Hey, Todd is my best friend, I have as much right to-“

“Out!” She repeated louder. Mason backed away from the hospital bed, nodding.

“Alright, alright lady, you don’t have to tell me twice.”

She waited until he was gone and then briskly walked over to close the curtain.

“I want a name,” She said as she walked back to the bed.

I stayed silent.

“Let me try this again,” She hissed as she grabbed the side of my pillow and glared at me. “I don’t like you much, I think you’re a bitch, I think you got more sympathy than you deserved, but Aleah likes you, a lot. I don’t know why, but because she likes you, I’m going to get to the bottom of this, for her.”

I shook my head and pulled myself up, trying to push one of legs off the side of the bed. I had to get out of there. Like lightning, she was standing in front of me, but she didn’t make a move to stop me. She simply watched as I struggled against the mattress which seemed to be swallowing me up every time I tried to lift myself.

“Did we do something wrong?” She asked me.

I stopped.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, did we do something wrong, to you?”

“I don’t know what you—”

“When you snuck into our house and played dress-up in Aleah’s clothes, did we…have you sent to jail?”

“No, but –“

“Did we somehow hurt you by letting you help us at that party, and letting you be who you really were for an entire day?”

“No!”

“Do you feel as if we violated you somehow?”

I shook my head. She stepped closer to me, her gaze cutting through me like a million knives.

“Then sit down, AUDREY!” She shouted, practically at the top of her lungs. Her voice rang throughout the slam concrete room, I swore I heard the world come to a pause for a moment behind the curtain as patients and medical staff tried to figure out what the screaming was about.

I fell back into the bed. My head slammed against the pillow. I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for breath. She knew my name. I’d said it so many times on the forums, I’d signed posts with it, I’d even named my in-game character after her, but I’d never uttered it out loud, and I’d never heard anyone else say it. Of course she knew it; she’d read the forum posts. There was no way she wouldn’t know it…but she hadn’t used it until now. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, seeing the fire and absolute anger in her eyes as she towered over me.

“If you don’t want to tell me, then you don’t want to tell me,” She said, letting go of the bed and pacing around to the foot of it and leaning down. “But there are going to be consequences.”

Was she actually threatening me? No, of course she was, why was I even asking that.

“From now on, you don’t go anywhere alone. You’ll be with one of us-“

“That’s not going to work,” I said. “I have to go my dorm at some point-“

“And you will, but one of us will be by in the morning to walk with you to class when it starts. When you need to go somewhere, you text one of us. Don’t leave on your own; we’ll know if you do.”

“This is bullshit,” I said, though my tone was one of utter defeat.

Tiffany stepped close to me and sneered.

“Let me fill you in on something,” She said. “In case you didn’t know, you walked into our house, and you started this. Then, Aleah gave you a way out. You could have walked. Now here’s another hard truth. We know who did this, we know exactly who did this, but since you won’t tell us, there’s nothing we can do about it. No proof, no crime, right? So we’re going to do everything in our power to protect you, even if it smothers you, because we bear as much responsibility as you do. Even if Aleah has other reasons.”

Other reasons? What other reasons did Aleah have? I felt like I wasn’t supposed to ask, so I didn’t.

“I don’t want to help you,” Tiffany said. “That’s all there is to it really. You put us in the middle of this, so you’re going to be as miserable as I am. They’re discharging you in about an hour. I’ll drive you home. Don’t leave your dorm.”

I sat in the GAT living room early the next morning. Aleah had not only called me, she had sent Isabella to pick me up. The entire ride had gone by in complete silence. The other day, she’d done my makeup and chatted away, but now she was rigid, anxious. She’d said nothing as we pulled up in front of the house and stepped out of the car, nothing at all. I’d followed her to the house and up the steps, looking around nervously for signs of Mike. When we stepped inside the house, there were more GAT sisters than I remembered. I knew this was a big house, but there were at least thirty girls in here. Some of them were sitting on the sectional couch, others stood behind it. They all stared at me, some of them looked angry, others simply looked sad. I felt broken. I knew I was walking with a limp and my chest hurt with every single breath that I brought into my lungs. Aleah had instructed me to sit on the couch between two women I had never met.

Aleah stared at me in deafening silence for a time, and I didn’t dare say a word. Finally, she sighed and said, “Are you okay?”

I nodded. She stared at me for a bit longer. For the first time I noticed Olivia sitting behind her, staring at me intently, maybe more so than Aleah.

“Here’s the deal,” She said. “When we caught you a few days ago we could have had you arrested and that would have been the end of it. Truthfully? I should have, but I didn’t. I took pity on you. Let me tell you why.”

Aleah paused to gather herself. She had something important to tell me, and for all intents and purposes, I was her captive audience. I was too hurt to force myself up, and there was no way I could have made it out with all these girls here to stop me.

“First and foremost,” She said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were attacked, that’s an irrefutable fact. It happened. What you’re doing wrong, is not telling us who did it. Like it or not, you’re connected to GAT in a way now, and if you get hurt, or killed, it’s going to make us look bad. You see, Audrey, I had a friend like you once, back in high school, but she never got a chance to transition. Her parents wouldn’t allow it, and now? Now she’s dead. You understand that, right? You’re not her. You can never BE her, but if she were here, she would tell me to help you. She would tell me not to leave you behind. SHE would tell me that your life is worth something. See, Audrey, I’m not helping you, I’m helping myself, and you’re helping me. Yeah, I’m selfish. I’m selfish to the core. I’m going to admit that right here in front of you because I don’t care. I want revenge. I want revenge for all of the years we don’t get to spend together now. All of the laughs, the midnight coffee runs, the hours we could have spent studying, laughing, loving, all of it stolen from me, and her, by her parents. Just because she was like you. You’re not her, but helping you is going to help me get through this.”

She walked briskly toward me and leaned in. In that moment, I was more terrified of her than I had ever been of Tiffany. I truly felt as if she was going to rip me to shreds.

“I’m going to ask you a question once, and you’re going to answer it. You don’t want to find out what happens if you don’t answer it,” Aleah turned and pointed to Olivia. “Was it her boyfriend?”

I was frozen in absolute terror. The seconds seemed to pass by like hours. I didn’t want to answer her. I was afraid, so afraid. My heart pounded inside my chest as Aleah pointed toward Olivia who stared at me in a mix of anticipation and horror. Finally, at long last, I said it, but it barely came out as a whisper.

“Yes.”

In an instant her expression softened. It’s hard to explain, but she almost looked compassionate. I was still terrified of her, but I felt as if I didn’t need to be.

“Stand up,” She said. The two girls beside me stood and helped me to my feet. She stepped toward me, and then two my absolute shock, she embraced me. I felt my fears melt away in an instant and for the first time since the hospital, I felt safe.

“I’m sorry honey,” She said. “I’m sorry I put you through that just now, but we had to know, okay?”

I had no response. I cried into her shoulder. I don’t know how long I stood there with her. Until my legs gave out, at least, and then I found myself back on the couch, staring in stunned silence. Olivia was gone. She’d walked out at some point during that exchange. Julia walked forward, I hadn’t noticed her there before.

“Okay,” Julia said as she pulled up a kitchen chair directly in front of me. She sat there with her notepad out and stared directly into my eyes. “We’re going to talk about Mike.”

“I…I don’t really know him,” I muttered, trying desperately to break eye contact with her and failing. “I just…ran into him.”

“So what the other girls tell me is that you ran into him on the porch here when you came for the party?”

My face reddened. Of course, she knew about the party.

“Yeah he just…tried to get me to leave…”

“You know he doesn’t have the right to do that, right?”

“I mean, I guess…”

“No,” Julia said, snapping her fingers and directing my attention to her, fully. “You are supposed to be here, he doesn’t have the right to tell you to leave, ever. This is important, are you listening?”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t let him, or anyone else intimidate you, period. Most importantly, don’t put yourself in danger. You don’t know these girls from Adam, but they know more about you than you know about yourself, thanks to all the forum posts.”

I hung my head at the mention of the posts. I suddenly started to wish that I’d never heard of the internet, or forums, or GAT.
“If they weren’t obligated to help you before, they are now, because you getting curb stomped? It’s not going to look good for them, not after all this. You do what they tell you, and what I tell you, understand?”

“Yeah.”

She asked me a few more questions, I answered them truthfully, and she left. The girls began to talk amongst themselves, but I didn’t hear a word they said. All I could concentrate on were Aleah’s words: “You’re not her.”. I’d never felt so small as I did in that moment. I was only here because she’d taken pity on me.

Finally, once the room was empty, I managed to rise from the couch and wandered toward the stairs. Resting against the bannister, I heard voices coming from the landing. It was Amelie and Aleah arguing, their voices were heated.

“Your little ‘experiment’ nearly turned into a scandal, Aleah,” Amelie hissed. “You could have just let her get arrested and be done with it. Now what are we supposed to do?”

“Send her home once Mike is out of the way, she can figure things out for herself,” Aleah said.

“Oh no, no, no, no. Then what, she goes and tells everyone that GAT nearly got her killed? No, I’m not risking an investigation. They’ll come in here and start removing people. You know this doesn’t end well.”

“We didn’t almost get her killed! It’s not our fault that Olivia is dating a psychopath!”

“Oh my god, Aleah,” I heard Amelie say in a completely exasperated tone. I could picture her angry hand motions, even though I couldn’t see them from down here. “You knew what he was like, you probably could have figured out what he would do if you’d put some thought into it! But you let this ‘thing’ continue and Audrey could have been found dead in a public toilet. Maybe there weren’t going to be any legal repercussions, but do you know what that could do to the house reputation?”

“What do you want me to do exactly?”

“Help her figure out her transition. She wants it, or she wouldn’t have come back.”

“You know, it’s not my fault Olivia has a psycho boyfriend.”

“Do you really think National is going to see it that way? Are you going to be running that line into the ground when the NPC gets involved? Fix this, Aleah.”

I didn’t want to hear the rest. It was time for me to go. They clearly had things under control and I was a problem. I didn’t want to be a problem. I turned toward the door and began to limp. Walking behind the sectional couch, I was able to use it for support, and finally managed to reach the door. I was about to turn the handle when Aleah’s voice came from the other side of the room.

“I’m going to make it right,” She said. I froze in my tracks, my fingertips just millimeters above the doorknob. “I promise you, I’m going to help you.”

I lowered my hand and pathetically turned around, grabbing the wall for support and nearly falling over.

“I don’t deserve your help,” I told her quietly. “I’m the problem, Aleah. I could have gone about this a million different ways, but I didn’t. I broke into your house, I put on that dress, I did wrong. I did wrong, Aleah, not you. You need to live your life, I need to live mine.”

“Let me tell you what’s wrong,” She said angrily as she strode toward me around the other side of the couch. “What’s wrong is that you felt you had to sneak into a sorority house and try on a stupid dress. What’s wrong is that you have to hide who you are from your best friend. That’s what’s wrong. You’re terrified of people finding out the truth because you’re afraid of what they’ll think of you and you’ve been conditioned to think that way. That’s the saddest thing ever and it makes me sick to my stomach, so why don’t you do me a favor and let me help you, so I can get over my own grief.”

“It’s a little selfish, I totally agree with what you said earlier,” I said to her.

“Yeah, it’s selfish,” Aleah said. “It’s super freaking selfish but look at it this way. You owe me. You owe me a lot. I didn’t get you arrested, I didn’t make fun of you, I accepted you, as you are, so why don’t you just play along with me for a little while longer.”

“I would do it,” Tiffany said. She was apparently standing behind the kitchen counter. “You know how many trans girls would kill to have a house full of sorority girls help with their transition? It’s not like we just take time out of our day to do this crap. We have lives, you know.”

“That was really eloquent, Tiffany,” Aleah shot towards her.

“Yeah, I’m a real wordsmith,” Tiffany agreed.

“Come on,” Aleah said, taking both of my hands in hers. “If nothing else, do it to help yourself. You don’t have to come out to anyone, you can just…come over here, we can show you how to do your makeup, we can even hook you up with some doctors. There are so many things we can help you with.”

She wasn’t wrong; I did need the help, and to be perfectly honest, I knew that if I told her no, I would regret it for the rest of my life, so I nodded, and uttered some form of agreement.

“Okay,” She said. “Then let’s get started.”

“Come on Todd!” Mason said insistently from across the room as his fingers worked the keyboard like an instrument. “Let’s see that epic DPS you’re always talking about”

“I’m trying!” I shouted back. “This thing has mad adds!”

We were deep in a Dark Pantheon raid, fighting the final boss. I was running low on health potions and the boss’s adds were shielding it from any physical attacks. The only thing I could get through its shields were weak frostbolt attacks but that just wasn’t cutting it.

“Target the adds then!” Mason said. “They’re weak to fire.”

“I’m not specced for fire,” I said regretfully. “I’m a frost mage.”

“Didn’t you read the notes I sent you?” He asked as he continued to pound the keyboard. “You could have respecced for fire before you came in here!”

“You’re just now bringing this up?” I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve been chucking ice this entire time and you haven’t noticed?”

“Not my job to notice, dude,” He said. “Just hit the adds!”

“I’m trying to hit the adds, they have an interrupt ability”

Mason pressed ‘CTRL’ on his keyboard to activate the voice chat.

“Hey John,” He said, speaking to the other DPS player, a ranger. “Can you hit Todd’s target to distract it? It’s interrupting.”

“Yeah, sure thing,” I heard John’s voice from the other end of the connection. He then added: "Fucking pussy."

"The hell did he just say?" I demanded as I growled and pounded my keyboard, spitting out abilities as quickly as possible while my mana bar depleted like my self esteem on a blind date.

"He said you're a great guy and he's really happy to have the opportunity to play with that."

"No, I said he's a pussy," John's voice crackled through the speakers again.

"He also says you have the best DPS of anyone he's ever played with."

It took about three hours but we finally stood over the body of the final boss, divided the loot and teleported out of the dungeon. I sighed in relief. Yeah it was exciting but I couldn’t stop thinking about GAT; I wanted to be there. I wanted to be Audrey. I couldn’t be Audrey right now. I checked my phone, desperately looking for a text from Aleah, or Tiffany, or Isabella, but they were silent right now. I thought about texting one of them but honestly, why would they want to hear from me?

I leaned back in the chair and thought about driving back into Pantheon for a little bit but was interrupted by a knock at the door.
“You wanna get that?” Mason asked as he concentrated on his screen. Yeah, why not.

I stood up and made my way to the door, careful to avoid Mason’s side of the room. I didn’t want to cut my bare foot on a soda can or something. I reached the threshold and stepped over the tape line that we’d set at the front. The agreement was that nothing could be set over that line that would obstruct the door. You know like burger wrappers, soda cans, whatever. If I’d left Mason unchecked he would have had us entombed in here with a mountain of crap from his gaming binges. Some days I really wished we could have afforded one of the bigger dorms.
I rubbed my eyes and pulled the door open.

“Chastity!” I said happily. My girlfriend stood in the doorway grinning at me. We embraced in a tight hug, and the first thing I noticed was the material of her jacket. God, I wanted to wear that. Maybe when she set it down – no, wait, that was a bad idea.

“Hey you,” She said as she broke the embrace. “How was your break?”

“It was um…it was good,” I decided I probably shouldn’t fill her in on all of the specifics.”

“How was yours?”

“Hey! You two!” Mason shouted from the other side of the dorm. “In or out, don’t stand there with the door open. I’m a nocturnal creature!”
He held his hands up like claws and hissed, putting emphasis on ‘nocturnal creature’.

“Right, sorry,” I said as I ushered Chastity outside. I really didn’t want to bring her into our filthy dorm. We stepped outside onto the long balcony overlooking the campus. As I looked down into the parking lot I could see two joggers running by dressed in GAT gear. They weren’t that far from their house but it was definitely a weird route to travel; probably watching me.

“Well you know,” She said. “We went up to my parent’s cabin, hung out in nature, all that good stuff. It was boring without you. Really boring. How did your job interview go?”

I hadn’t been able to join her on summer vacation because of that stupid job interview at the Woodcrest Globe. I hadn’t even gotten the job. Not surprising; I hadn’t even started school yet but I could have at least worked in the mail room. I shook my head.

“Didn’t get it,” I said sadly. She nodded.

“I’m sorry hun, but hey, that means more time for us to spend together, and you still have your scholarship so it’ll be fine, right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Definitely.”

She smiled and touched my cheek. I smiled back and hugged her again. For some reason I kept noticing that her lipstick was smudged.
“So what do you want to do?” She asked. “I was thinking Chinese?’

“Chinese sounds amazing,” I said. Lots of starch in Chinese food. It would burn off fast.

As I looked into her eyes I realized two things. The first was how much I loved her. Honestly I had since the first time I’d laid eyes on her and was too nervous to even walk within five feet of her, let alone ask her out on a date. The second thing was that all of this was in danger of ending. What would happen if she found out I was trans. No, more like what would happen when she found out. I could have stopped it all, maybe. I could just stop going to the GAT house, I could ignore their texts. They would probably even leave me alone; they were too busy to pursue me, I think. Would I be happy if I did that, though? Time was working against me, and it wouldn’t be long before I had to make a choice. Literally her, or my sanity. Unless of course she was somehow okay with it all. Was our love really strong enough to survive that?

“Well let’s go,” She smiled as she led me toward the stairs. Life was good, at least for now.