Another BigCloset TopShelf story, and my first ever completed TG tale. Jack's early-morning trip to the supermarket winds up a textbook example of why there truly is "no such thing as a free lunch." A cautionary tale about not being able to read the fine print in a verbal contract, and the dangers of a free demon-stration.

by Randalynn

---

 

A lot of years have passed since then, but I'll always remember how it started. With four words.

"I can help you."

Four words, spoken clearly across a supermarket parking lot at six a.m. on a cool October morning, when the moonlight kept pace with the overheads in the parking lot to guide me to the car. Four words. They could have been an offer to help with my bags, but I only had two, and they were light. As far as I could tell, I didn't need help at all. At least not the kind a stranger in a parking lot could provide.

"I can help you, Jack."

I was old enough to know that the phrase "don't talk to strangers" wasn't an effort on the part of my parents to turn me into some antisocial maniac. And when the aforementioned stranger seems to know your name, a quick exit suddenly looks pretty damned attractive. I ignored the voice and headed towards my car at a brisk walk. I had other reasons to move fast. Two kids and one wife were waiting for me at home to get them out of bed and on their way. If we hadn't run out of milk for cereal and drinks for lunches, I wouldn't be here now. And the clock was running at home, so I really needed to get gone.

"I can give you what you've always wanted."

The voice again. It was deep, and compelling, but with a teasing quality that made me want to stop to ask what the hell he thought I wanted, and how dare he think he could give it to me. Still, there was a hitch in my step as the meaning sank in, and a little voice deep inside asked, "could he know?"

"Of course I know, Jack." The voice now held a smile. "It was the power of your desire that brought me to you. And yes, I can read your mind, when you think in a straight line. Something you don't do as often as you think you do, I assure you."

I stopped by my car, put the bags down on the ground, and turned to look. On a bench in front of the beauty salon, only a few feet away, sat a man. I was surprised I hadn't seen him, because dressed as he was, he would have been very hard to miss. He wore red, from head to toe. Red shirt, red slacks, red socks, red shoes. He had black hair and a short goatee, and his eyes were so unsettling I had to look away. Not because they were odd or out of alignment or anything. They were just penetrating, like they were looking deep inside you, beyond what a normal person would see, and finding the parts of your soul you'd rather hide. He saw me looking, and his lips curled up into a cold grin.

"You've always wanted to be female, to be a woman," he purred at me. "It's driven you since you were four years old. You've pushed it away time and again. Dated. Married, fathered children. Yet even now, in the midst of everything you've built, it still rises in the back of your mind to torment you. I can change that. The might-have-beens, should-have beens, could-have-beens can become your reality."

He was right, of course. I had spent my life running from my need to be female. My wife Carolyn knew. I told her long before I proposed, because it was something she needed to know. She sympathized as best she could, but I knew she was just as thankful for the love we shared as I was, and happy I was her man. The children had never suspected, and I didn't plan to tell them. What good would it do? Telling them wouldn't change what I was, but it could hurt our relationship. And I loved them both too much to want to do something like that. No, Dad was Dad and always would be. How could he be anything else?

I gave the stranger a good once over, still avoiding those damned eyes. I was more than a little angry that this stranger knew my secret, and his impossible promises only made it worse. I took a deep breath, then leaned back against my car and folded my arms.

"Of course you can give me the impossible," I said, my voice so empty of emotion that I could have worked in Mission Control at NASA. "Hell, I should have realized right off that you had the power to bend and shape reality, any way you want. I can see it in the cut of your clothing, in that spiffy haircut, and those snappy shoes! And that beard? Why, you practically reek of demi-godhood. When can we start?"

His eyes flashed once, and I could see him set his teeth. He stood up, clearly angered.

"Ignorant mortal," he hissed. "It's always the same. It's the mark of the times. You all think you know so much. You can't imagine how many times I've had to put up with that attitude, ever since your so-called "Age of Enlightenment" began. Enlightenment? HAH! In the distant past, minds were more open to the possibility that the universe was stranger than you could possibly imagine. Now you humans are so sure you know how everything works, you can't even admit the possibility that creatures like me exist! Even though history is filled with tales of our power. So, time and again, you disparage us -- trot out your poor excuse for wit, so you can distance yourself from the truth that you humans are NOT the lords of creation."

I thought about it some. He had read my mind a few minutes ago. My deepest desire yanked out into the open, and apparently without his breaking a sweat. Followed by promises that he could bend reality to his will. My reality. And now I'd gone and made him angry.

Suddenly, I didn't seem as smart as I had thought I was a few minutes ago.

I looked him in the eye, and he bared his teeth in a smile only a vampire could love. I shivered, then caught myself.

"Okay, you find my 'wit' tedious and disrespectful. I get that." I smiled. "My apologies. I'll skip the jokes. We'll try to keep it strictly business then, if that suits you."

"Perfectly," the red man replied, his anger fading almost as quickly as it had come. "My business is your happiness. I want to give you what you want, and that's all."

"Why?"

"Because making you happy will please me."

"How?"

"Not your concern."

I sighed. "How can you change my reality?"

"It is not something I can explain," he said with a hint of irritation. "I don't know precisely how we do it, anymore than you understand how your body digests food. I do know it's not a skill that can be taught. It's just what my kind does. It's what we've done for thousands of years. If I did know, I certainly wouldn't tell you. My people keep their secrets well. But we can, and have, changed reality for more humans than I care to remember. And it would be my pleasure to do it for you."

I considered him and his proposal as dispassionately as I could, considering what he was trying to offer me. He was right. He knew what I had wanted, what I had always wanted, and claimed to want to give it to me. But I had heard and read enough cautionary tales about genies and demons to know nothing comes without a price.

"As Robert Heinlein once said, 'there ain't no such thing as a free lunch,'" I said slowly, my voice neutral. "So how much is this world-altering magic going to cost?"

"Cost? Don't be stupid. Money is worth less than nothing to me. After all, I could create as much currency as I need, in any denomination. Besides," he replied smoothly, "you can't put a price on happiness."

"Forgive my natural caution," I said carefully, "but in human literature, creatures with abilities like yours have a reputation for trickery. What assurances do I have that you won't deceive me for your own purposes?"

"Absolutely none," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. "You are a smart one, Jack. A lot of mortals don't even try to think it through. But magical creatures like myself are bound by the oaths we make." He raised his voice and began to chant. "A bargain struck is a bargain made, but not if trust has been mislaid. No falsehoods will I spin for true, or slates wipe clean and this day I'll rue."

A loud bell, something like a gong, seemed to sound from all around me, and a crisp deep voice spoke from just above us both. "Spoken and witnessed, you are bound in these dealings. Break this oath on fear of punishment most foul."

The man looked at me and shrugged. "Can't lie now, Jack."

My mind was in a whirl. "Is this really true? I can get what I've always wanted ... for free?"

"Even better. I can give you the life you've always wanted. Not just the body and soul of a woman, but a home, a job, friends -- whatever you wish."

Could this ... guy be real?

"Well, as to my reality," he said, reading my mind, "truthfully, this body is not really mine. It's just a shell I created to make it easier for us to communicate. I can change it, too." Faster than my eye could follow, his form melted like quicksilver and reformed into a well-shaped redheaded woman, also dressed in red. "See?" Her voice had become sultry and lilting. She struck a few poses and smiled.

"Would it be that easy for me?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"Pretty much," she said, brushing a bit of fluff off of her blouse. "Would you like me to demonstrate? Just to show you what I'm capable of?"

I hesitated. "No obligation?"

She smiled. "No obligation. None at all. As your ... commercials say, you can cancel at anytime and owe nothing."

If I heard her right, there was nothing to fear. I looked back to the car, then glanced at my watch. It had stopped. I turned to the woman.

"I've stopped time for the two of us, for the moment," she purred. "So you can give my offer full consideration ... without worrying about your family."

I nodded. "Thank you."

She smiled. "My pleasure. Remember, I want you to be happy. So, may I demonstrate?"

"Please," I replied. She closed her eyes.

"So what can you do ..." my voice had become a delicate soprano. My hand flew up to my throat, and on its way there my arm brushed against a round firmness that could only be a breast. She gestured towards the window of the hair salon across from the supermarket, and I turned and saw ... me.

Smaller than I had been, and more petite overall. The new me was red-haired and green-eyed, with a full rounded figure, small waist and generous hips. There were hints of the man I was in the cast of my face, the curve of my jaw, the shape of my nose. But all seen through a prism of femininity. The nails on the hand at my throat were longer and painted red, and I wore a female variation on the tee-shirt and sweatpants I had thrown on to make the store run before the children woke up. All I could think was "whoa."

As I looked closer, I could see this woman in the plate glass had seen my share of years. She was still trim of figure and fair of face, but there were laugh lines around the eyes and some gray among the red.

"The age is easily changed," she spoke softly, coming up behind me. "See? Ten years gone, with a touch."

She touched my shoulder, and suddenly years dropped off of the figure in the glass. I could see the difference, feel it all through me. Lines and gray all gone, figure even firmer, skin softer, such a fine complexion. I shivered.

"The clothes, too," she whispered. I watched my clothing shimmer and shift, felt the sweats become stockings and a short black skirt, panties shift to a lacy thong that crept up between my cheeks and nestled there, tee-shirt becoming a dark green silk blouse with a deep scoop neck revealing generous cleavage, held in place with a bra that matched the thong. Sneakers morphed to become slingbacks with three-inch heels.

"Here, you're thirty two years old, Jennifer," she said, her voice almost a sigh. Of course she knew my feminine name. "So much of your life past, but the prime of it still to come. Career, girlfriends, finding the right man." I stared, entranced. The hand at my throat drifted down to cup a breast. She watched me. "Or is this still too far along in a woman's journey? Maybe younger still? More to feel, more to cherish?"

She touched my shoulder again and more years fell away. My clothes changed as well, becoming painted-on jeans and an oversized sweater, with my hair raised in a ponytail.

"Ten more years, Jen. Just out of college, so much in store," she murmured, and I could only stare at the woman I had become. Incredible, so close to perfect, so close to the dream I'd always held. Time passed, at least for us, and I could feel her becoming impatient.

"Not enough?" she asked with an edge to her voice. I started to shake my head no, this was fine, when she grabbed my shoulder and squeezed hard. "Ten more years then, just barely a woman." I felt myself shrinking all over, watching my reflection become shorter, smaller, hair clipped back away from my face, breasts barely budded and hips newly spread. My clothes shifted, changed, became a plaid skirt and white blouse, white socks and shoes, private school uniform, plain white panties and plain white bra. I felt a cramping deep inside and a wetness at my crotch, and I doubled over and fell to my knees.

"Awww, poor baby," she said with a small sneer. "First period is always a bitch. Let me help." I felt a pad fill my panties between my legs, and felt it become wet with my blood as the cramping got worse. "Ready to stop yet?" I looked up at her from the ground, my hatred apparent. She'd spoiled it with her temper. Her eyes widened and so did her smile. She spread her hands.

"Oh, come on, Jennifer," she said cloyingly. "It's all part of being a woman. The blood and the pads come with the curves and the clothes. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" Then her eyes narrowed and the smile turned nasty. "Or do you need a few more years to get used to the idea?" She reached down and took my hand, and I felt it become so tiny in hers. She grew right in front of me, above me, scaring me with her phony smile and I cried out as she yanked me up and into her arms.

It was a baby's cry. She turned me toward the window and I saw myself as a tiny baby, in a pretty party dress, bright red hair held back from my face with little butterfly clips. The dress was too short, showing off the plastic rhumba panties covering a thick cloth diaper, and the white socks and little shoes on my tiny feet made me realize I probably wasn't old enough to walk, yet alone run. I opened my mouth to find bare gums surrounding my tiny tongue.

"How about this, little baby Jenny?" she crooned. "You can start at the beginning, with daycare and teddy bears and potty training. Oh my, you are sooooo cute!"

I moved my lips and tried to speak. "Caaa! Caaaa!"

"Oh, isn't that precious? You're way too little to speak yet, Jenny girl. Not more than a few words, if that. You'll have to learn all over again, too. Although with two children, I should think you'd know that." My face scrunched up and I started to cry. She turned me around and put me over her shoulder, and started patting my bottom. "Awww, don't be sad, baby. All I really wanted to do was make you happy. Did I go too far?"

I nodded, and she said, "Well, you tell me what you want, baby. I'll do my best to give it to you." She sat me down in front of her on the bench, and crouched down to look in my eyes. "Change me back," I thought, as hard as I could.

"Oh, little Jenny, you're so hard to read now," she cooed. "Try harder, please."

"Change me back!" I pushed, with everything I had in me.

Her brow furrowed. "Change you? But baby, you're not messy."

"CHANGE ME BACK!" I screamed in my head, and I cried aloud with frustration.

"Well, if you really want a change, okay. But first, I need something to change." She touched my stomach, and I felt it twist and suddenly the diaper was full of everything a diaper is supposed to be there to catch, and she reared back and waved her hand. "Wooooo! That's my little one. Little Miss Stinky." She picked me up and held me at arm's length. "NOW I can change you." A diaper bag materialized under her arm. "I wouldn't do this for any client, Jenny. But I did want to make you happy, so a changing we will go."

I cried again, louder, and I saw her shiver all over. Her eyes rolled back, and she smiled wide. Then she shook herself all over and took a deep breath. Suddenly a pacifier appeared in my mouth. My lips closed around it, and I sucked it like a nicotine addict after a cross-country flight.

"That's better," she said, still smiling. "Stinky and noisy I can do without. Don't you like your binky?" I shook my head no, and she smiled at me. "Well, too bad. That's what being a baby is all about. Babies don't get to choose. Mommy knows best."

She started walking towards the supermarket, and I saw time start again. Carts moving, cars weaving their way through the parking lot on the far side of the market. She walked through the sliding doors and approached the closest cashier.

"Excuse me," she said sweetly. "Is there somewhere here I can change my little girl?"

The cashier, a young woman in a red vest with the name "Sherri" on her nametag, said, "Oh, isn't she a cute one?"

The woman holding me smiled. "Yes, she is, thank you. But right now she's oh so stinky. Is there a changing station in the ladies room I could use?"

"Yes, ma'am," Sherri replied. "Straight back past the pharmacy and to your right."

"Thanks," the woman smiled. She walked straight back to the ladies room and lowered the changing table. I sucked helplessly at the pacifier while she smiled down at me, peeled off my plastic panties and undid the pins on the thick white diaper.

"Eeeew," she breathed, "what an awful mess you made, little one. Well, we made. I DID help." She grinned as she buckled me into the changing station and dumped the diaper in the toilet, then wrapped it up in a plastic bag from the diaper kit. Next, she took a handful of wipes and cleaned me up totally, then powdered me and sealed my bottom back up in a thick disposable that she covered with the rhumba panties.

"All done," she crooned, closing up the diaper bag and unbuckling me. She scooped me into her arms, and held me close as she walked back to the front of the store.

"Thank you very much," she said to the cashier, and Sherri smiled at her in return. Two other cashiers were setting up registers, both women. My mouth suddenly loosened and the pacifier fell to the floor. I suddenly started howling, babbling in baby talk trying to get anyone to listen. They just looked at me, and I began to cry.

"Awww," said Sherri, "what's wrong? She lost her binky!"

"Oh, Jenny's probably hungry," the woman said, finding a seat near the front window. 'Is it okay if I feed her here?"

"Sure, hon," Sherri said. "It's slow this early, and there's nobody here but us."

The woman settled me lying down in her lap, then undid her blouse and unsnapped part of her bra. She pulled her breast forward, and it hung over me, the nipple sweating with milk.

"Here, Jenny," she laughed as she spoke, raising my entire head and slipping the nipple into my mouth. "Have some breakfast."

The other women laughed, and I felt her finger brush my cheek. Suddenly, I began to suck again, hard. My tears still fell as warm sweet milk rushed into my mouth and down my throat, filling my stomach, and I could do nothing to stop it. My whole body fell into the rhythm of suckling, and it had an almost hypnotic quality. I could do nothing but drink, and I didn't even have the strength to protest when she took me from one breast and switched me to the other.

Suddenly I realized that time was passing. I couldn't see a clock. How long had I been this way? How long would it take everyone at home to realize something had happened to me? What would happen to Carolyn if she came looking for me and found this ... thing instead?

The woman bent her face towards me. "Careful, Jenny," she whispered. "You're getting easier to read, and I don't like being referred to as a 'thing.' Remember, I'm here to help you, aren't I? And don't you worry about your precious Carolyn. I wouldn't ever want anything to happen to her. Or your precious kids." She looked into my eyes. "Now finish up, baby girl. Mama's tired of being a cow."

Sure enough, my mouth released her, and I lay there, half in a stupor, as she spent a few seconds restoring her bra and blouse to their former state. Then she pulled a clean cloth diaper from the bag and threw it over her shoulder. She lifted me up and put my head over the same shoulder, then spent a minute patting me on the back while smiling at the other women and cooing sweet nothings in my ears. Sure enough, a milky bubble found its way up and out of my mouth onto her shoulder, and she removed the diaper and put it back in the kit, then waved a cheery goodbye to the cashiers and took me back to the bench in the lot.

"There, now," she said briskly, settling me on my diapered butt in the center of the bench. "I hope I proved my point." I looked at her, goggle-eyed, and she gave a heavy sigh and waved her fingers at me. "You can talk now."

"Pwooved wat poin?" I said, then snapped my mouth shut. She laughed out loud. She had gifted me with "widdle-gurl" speak, so everything I said came out way-too-cute. "Nawt punnyy, bit." I tried to growl in my little kitten voice, then pouted. She laughed louder. I sighed, and tried to cross my arms, but they were too short. I let them fall to my sides. "Wat waz yaw poin?" I asked, resigned.

"That I can do whatever I want with you ... with your body," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. "And that you'd better act quickly to take me up on my offer. My patience is not ... infinite."

I spoke slowly, with difficulty. "Dis duz nawt mayk mee twust yoo." She smiled, and leaned over me.

"I am offering you the life you want, tailor-made," she said. "It's a straightforward offer. All I want from you is a yes, and you get paradise on Earth. Why do you need to 'twust' me?"

I looked up at her. "Beecawz all yoo need i' a yesh an' yoo cantrul wat I beecum. Look wat yoo di too mee beecawz yoo 'ot anngree. Geev yoo a yesh, den wat yoo doo? Watevah yoo wan."

She looked down at me, a little anger in her eyes. "I do whatever I want, whenever I want, little one. But if we strike a bargain, I have to live up to it. Just like I can't lie to you while we ...negotiate, or that's cheating. It's the law."

Can't lie? I thought. That's right, she's bound. I rolled that around in my head a little. She can't lie, but I bet she's probably is a wiz at misdirection. This baby thing proved that generosity and good will has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. So what does she get out of it? What hasn't she told me?

The woman shifted uneasily. Does she not like where my mind is headed? She turned those disturbing eyes on me. "Yes, or no, baby? I haven't got eternity, you know. Unlike you, I haven't even had breakfast yet." She grinned.

"Twee qwesstons, kay?" I asked quietly. "yoo annseh awl an' tell twoos, and I give yoo my annseh, kay?"

"Only three?" she asked. I nodded eagerly. "Okay, ask."

"if I chooz nother liif, wat hapnz to Carolinn an' kidz?"

"Nothing. You disappear from their lives and they go on."

"Dey don' member mee?"

"Oh, they remember you," she smiled. "You just disappear from their lives ... period." And she smiled just a little bit wider.

Suddenly the penny dropped, and I knew. Me gone without a trace, and the family hurting, wondering why. Grieving without a body. Always wondering where I went, if I'll ever come back. Am I hurt? Am I dead? Carolyn crying herself to sleep every night, then haunted by memories. The children feeling abandoned, empty, lost without their Dad.

And I asked my last question.

"Den ... yoo feed, right?"

She nodded. "Smart girl. Then I feed."

Just like she fed on my fear and anger and humiliation before. I could see it then, and now it all fell into place. No such thing as a free lunch ... for her. She pays for it with my new life, my happiness. Then she feeds on the sadness, the despair, the pain I cause by leaving the ones I love to fend for themselves. A world of hurt to feed this vulture in a red dress. Caused by me, by what I wanted. By my selfishness.

She nodded at me. "Three questions, asked and answered. Now, it's your turn. You know the truth. Everything you ever wanted is waiting on one word. Will you take my offer?"

And at that point, I realized something. She'd said "no obligation" before, when this all started. But in the end, love carries its own obligations. And when it comes down to making a choice, you find there's really no choice at all.

I looked up at her, towering over me, anxiously awaiting her version of the dinner bell, and I smiled.

"No," I said firmly. "Fin' youself 'nother meal ticket. I won' hurt peepul I luv fur yoo. Fur any won."

She frowned. "You're giving up a lot. Maybe more than you know."

"Bee givin' up moor to give in too yoo," I lisped in my little girl voice. "gaym ovah, bit. Itz dunn."

There was a long pause, like she couldn't believe I was doing this. Maybe she'd been banking on human selfishness and greed a little too long. Then she shook her head.

"Okay, baby, if that's how you want it." She turned to leave.

"Wayt!" I said. "Mayk mee wat I wuz. Mayk mee MEE agin."

She turned back, again with a smile. "Why should I?"

I got angry. "I sad nooo. Not fair. Not right. Yoo cheet. Yoo pruhmiss. Boun' not to lie!"

And she laughed. "Oh, no, baby girl. This" and she waved her arm at me "was never part of the deal. It was just part of the demo. And I never said I'd change you back when the demo was over." She got right down into my face. "As I said before, 'you can cancel at anytime ... and OWN nothing.'"

OWN nothing? She said OWN?

She grinned. "Yes, own. That's what I said, but like all humans, you heard what you wanted to hear. You really need to learn to listen better, baby. But I guess you've got the time to practice, now. A whole childhood of time."

She put her nose to mine and spoke loudly, biting off each word with a savage joy as she stared straight into my little-girl eyes. "NOW the game is over, bitch. And I win. You stay a baby girl, and your family still loses you. I get fed, and you get ... nothing. No family. No new life. No gold ring."

She laughed at the look on my face, and then saw her eyes shut tight as she threw her head back. Her whole body tensed. I watched her savor my shocked disbelief, the realization of everything I had lost, and my own despair at what a fool I'd been.

She was feeding ... on me. Again.

As the tears rolled down my cheeks, she bent down and tasted some. She shuddered all over and a low moan escaped her. "So sweet," she whispered, and grinned.

She stood up and checked her reflection in the salon window. "I usually do win, you know. You humans have always been way too easy."

She turned to me and grinned. "Try to enjoy your new life of diapers and playdates, Jenny, however it turns out. You're soooo cute. Some other nice family will adopt you. But I'm sure you'll find growing up female isn't half what you thought it would be. And you'll always remember the pain you've caused. You'll mourn what you've lost, always, while I feast for years on what I've gained. All because you were stupid."

And she vanished. Like the Cheshire Cat, her vampire smile remained.

###

I sat on the bench for a while, tears falling silently. I didn't know how much time had passed. I was totally numb, with grief and rage and sadness fighting inside me. Soon, I knew, someone would find me sitting here, and pick me up and whisk me away from my family and everything I knew. I trembled all over, and even though I knew it wouldn't help, I couldn't stop the anguished cry that was bubbling up inside me. I opened my mouth, and my eyes scrunched shut--

-- and suddenly I was picked up and held tight, in arms that felt strangely familiar.

"Sssssssh, Jack," her voice whispered, in that sweet tone I'd heard her use with our own two children, when they were way too young to stop their own tears. "Don't cry, baby. I heard it all. If you cry, she wins. And after what you sacrificed, we can't let her win."

"Ca ... Cawolyn?" She nodded, and patted me on the back as I sniffled. "Yoo ... hurd?"

"Yes, baby, I heard everything. I heard you turn her down. I heard you give up your dreams, to protect us." She kissed the side of my head, and let me slide down into her lap. I looked up at her. Carolyn's eyes held only love. "It was the most noble thing I've ever seen."

I looked down at my little shoes.

"Ah fuhked up, hunny," I said to my shoes in that tiny voice. She laughed, and I looked back up quickly. She kissed my nose.

"Never expected to hear a sentence like that come from such a cute little girl."

My eyes filled up with tears. She took me by the chin and tiled my head back. "She tricked you, hon. It's what her kind do. What she's done for thousands of years. If they can't play by the rules, they cheat inside the rules."

"How ... how ..."

"How do I know about her?" I nodded. "Because her kind have natural enemies, and one of them has been living with us, in our home, in secret, for years." She took my little hands in hers and squeezed. "He is part of a group that feeds on happiness and good feelings--not negative emotions, like her. That's why he was with us. Our love, our happiness, kept him thriving for years. I didn't know until this morning, when he came to me and woke me. He told me what was going on. It wanted me here to stop her--to protect you, since it can't interfere directly. I just wasn't fast enough."

"But I heard everything, Jack. Heard what she offered you. Heard you puzzle it out. And heard you tell her no." She took me back in her arms and hugged me tight. "I knew I married a knight in shining armor. I never expected him to wind up a tiny princess." She squeezed. "My little princess."

I started crying. "Duh kidz, Cawolyn. No Dahd anymawr. My fawlt."

She held me tight. "No, Jack, ssssh. It's okay. They don't blame you. They know what happened. They know it all."

"Dey doo?"

Carolyn nodded. "He helped me explain. And I brought them with me. They saw it all, too." She raised her voice. "Come on out, kids."

The car door opened, and both children stared at me. I stared back, and blushed.

"Da ... Dad?" Jeremy said slowly. I nodded. He approached me timidly. "I'm sorry you're a baby now."

"Mee too." I said, and we both smiled. Jeremy looked at his feet. "I guess it's our turn to take care of you, huh."

"Afrayd so, spurt," I looked down. "Sawry."

"It's okay, Dad, honest." Jeremy said. "She tricked you. I don't know why you wanted to be a girl, but it's okay. I guess you are one, now. Littler than you wanted, but ..." I looked at my tiny feet, sticking out from under the dress, and started to cry. He came real close and put his arms around me, a little awkward. "Hey, Dad. It's okay. You'll grow up, right? And we didn't lose you. You're still here. We're still a family." I snuffled into his neck. He grinned. "The only bad part is, I have to put up with another sister."

"HEY!" Emma dope-slapped Jeremy. "Having a sister is a privilege, not a pain. YOU'RE the pain!" Jeremy reached back and tickled her, and she collapsed on the ground next to the bench, trying to push his hands away.

"Children!" Carolyn snapped, and both kids immediately stopped. "Sorry, Mom," Emma said, head bowed. Jeremy stepped back and she moved forward.

"Hi, Dad," she said softly. I looked up at her and said hi back, then looked down. "Ahm so sawry, Emma." She crouched down next to the bench and lifted my chin with her hand.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Dad," she whispered. "You got suckered. But like Jeremy said, we didn't lose you. You're just ... different, that's all. Still family." Emma paused, then kissed my nose. "I always wanted a little sister, instead of just Stinky over there." Jeremy stuck out his tongue. "I'm going to miss the old you, though."

"Steel inn heer, hunn," I said softly. She nodded, then held out her arms. "Can I ... can I hold you, Dad?" I nodded, and she picked me up and cuddled me close. It felt so good, I sighed.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Jeremy?"

"We can't keep calling Dad ... er, Dad."

"No, we can't. Jack?"

"Yesh, hun?"

"The other creature, the one who's been living with us, says he can fix things. Change reality for us."

"Can 'ee chain' mee bahck?" I asked hopefully.

"No, baby," she whispered. I slumped in Emma's arms. "He's not allowed to interfere that way. But he can make it so you're real, and have a place with us. So everyone will remember Jack's ... death soon after you were born. And everyone remembers the little girl as being just another baby Barnes." She smiled. "Remember how hard we tried for another baby, for all those years? I guess you're it." I smiled back, then laughed. It came out a giggle. Everyone laughed.

"So what shall we name our new baby?" Emma asked, giving me a squeeze.

"Dad's choice, Emma," Carolyn said. "He ... she's going to have to live with it all her life, after all."

I thought for a moment. She ... that THING ... had spoiled Jennifer for me. I couldn't use that NAME anymore. And anyway, Jennifer was a fantasy. The girl I had become was all too real. Then I remembered the names Carolyn and I had talked about when we were still trying for our third. "Rebecca. Rebecca ... Jane." I smiled. "Becca fur shawt."

I felt a wave of ... something rush out from the family, moving through reality around us, and when it stopped, I noticed my car had disappeared.

"My cahr! It's gohn!"

Carolyn took me from Emma and hugged me. "Silly Becca! The only cars you have now are toys." I smiled and shook my head. "Sawry ... Mommy. Oh noooooo!"

"What is it now, princess?"

"Food in cahr gawn toooo! An' juss bawt."

Emma walked over to Carolyn's car and opened the door. Three bags of groceries -- not the two I had bought before -- and a huge bag of disposable diapers sat on the seat. I buried my face in Carolyn's shoulder. "Dis ish goin' tayk getting' ooosed too."

Carolyn patted my bottom. "Not even the half of it, princess. I bet your office at home is now a bedroom fit for a pretty baby girl. Can't wait to see. But have to wait until after work, precious. We're all late. Mommy needs to get you to daycare this morning. Won't that be fun?"

"Daycare?"

"Can't leave baby Becca at home alone, hon. And Mommy needs to get to work."

Playing baby all day for strangers, every day. I guess I had to pay for my stupidity somehow, and I was sure this was just the start. I sighed. "Yesh, Mommy."

She took me around the other side of the car and bent over to strap me into my car seat. As the belt clicked, I looked up. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

I lowered my voice so only she could hear. "Ahr yoo ... b'est feeedin?" I blushed and looked down. Carolyn smiled and closed her eyes, and I felt another reality ripple. I watched her chest expand, just a little bit.

"I am now." Her voice held a little laugh. "Still the same Jack inside, after all." She kissed me on the forehead, still smiling as the car door shut.

And the door to a new life opened.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

Tricked into becoming a six-month-old baby girl, Jack Barnes tries to adjust to his new life as Becca, along with his family. His first major hurdle -- surviving his first day as an infant in more than forty years.

by Randalynn

---

 

Carolyn drove well. As I sat there, strapped in my car seat facing backward, I watched her in the infant mirror attached to the corner of the rear window. It was there apparently so she could check on me (well, the baby I had become) while driving, but it worked pretty well in the other direction. too. I had always admired how well she watched the road. How carefully she approached stoplights and stop signs. How diligently she signaled her every turn and lane change. She was truly magnificent behind the wheel. Then again, it was no surprise that I was impressed. After all, I was the one who helped her learn.

Her parents had thrown up their hands and abandoned the project as hopeless. They kept trying to push her to do it their way, and I knew that would never work with her. After two years of dating, I had learned something her parents didn't seem to grasp. Carolyn was as stubborn as she was beautiful. Pushing didn't help. She had to want to do it your way, or it wouldn't happen.

Even though her parents refused to help, she still wanted to get her license. So I offered to teach her myself. Maybe "teach" isn't the right word. I just opened the driver's side door, handed her the keys, and gave her the opportunity to learn. She knew the rules of the road. The rest was just practice. I'd sat in the passenger seat and watched her get confident, answered questions when she asked, and gave her a smile when she looked over quickly to see how she was doing. Everybody drives in their own way. She just had to find hers.

Less than a month later, she walked into the DMV and walked out with her license and a big smile. I don't think her parents ever completely forgave me for showing them up. But Carolyn's smile was payment enough.

I sat in my car seat and watched her for a while, turning my head now and then to look out the window at what I could see of the passing scenery. Demoted to passenger for at least another fifteen years, I thought with a mental sigh. And I really did like driving. It was all about control - about making the right choices to get where you wanted to go. But as that ... demon thing pointed out, babies don't get to make choices. They ... we don't have control.

I'm pretty sure that, at that moment, I wasn't entirely sane -- and with good reason. In one short hour, my life as I knew it had been ripped away, twisted into something that still looked very much like my life but wasn't. I had been confronted with a bitter truth. Reality was not immutable, bound by space and time and circumstance. Instead, everything you knew ... everything you WERE ... could be gone in a heartbeat, stolen at a whim by creatures whose motives were cold, and as clear as a winter's night. We were cattle, to be played with, fed on, and discarded.

Everything was so big, and more than a little scary. I was tiny and weak, totally dependent for the first time in more than forty years. I couldn't be more than six months old, and probably younger. I didn't remember how old Emma or Jeremy was when they got their first teeth, but certainly younger than a year old. I was pretty sure I had none. My tongue moved around my mouth in a futile hunt before I stilled it with an angry thought.

I felt both very far away and fiercely connected to the here-and-now. The last time I had felt this way was a few years before, right after a major fender-bender. All during the time following the collision, the world appeared strangely sharp, in pinpoint focus, while sounds seemed to rise from the background noise of the highway traffic like bubbles rising in a bottle of molasses. I didn't seem to track well then, and an echo of that same feeling held me in its grip while I sat in that car seat, watching my reality reset.

Part of me was calm, rational, focused. I watched the world pass by the window, wearing my pretty dress with my hair held back with little butterfly barrettes, and I kept thinking, "Oh, there's the bookstore. New Sue Grafton novel coming out soon, better pick it up." Or "Home Depot. Got to remember to change the oil in the mower." Then it would hit me, and I'd remember. These hands couldn't change oil. They couldn't change anything. I couldn't even change myself anymore.

My stomach roiled, and I felt my body shudder. I suppressed my body's need to get rid of my "breakfast," and sighed. I still had control over that much, thank God. For all the good it would do me. Eventually, I'd have to give in to the diaper, at least until I was old enough to use a potty chair. I wasn't happy about it, but facing my new reality had to start somewhere. Apparently, today was the day I would have to get used to a lot of things. And my family was going to pay the price as well.

They had an obligation to me, because they loved me, to see this thing through. To treat me as Rebecca Jane Barnes, daughter, baby sister. But it wasn't going to be easy for them. They just lost someone dear to them, even though I was still here. No more playing baseball in the yard with Jeremy, not for a long time. No more shuttling Emma to soccer or to the mall to meet with friends. No more Sunday mornings in bed, just Carolyn and I, making love and sharing breakfast over the Sunday paper. We'd still share breakfast ... sort of. But instead of a partner, I'd become another dependent. Someone else to take care of. Another mouth to feed, literally.

Through my own stupidity, I had just given the people I love the most in the world a big kick in the head, and they were shrugging it off as best they could, because they knew I had been kicked harder and lost more. They'd lost me, but I'd lost ... myself. I felt my tears start and didn't try to stop them. They were from a mix of sorrow and pride, and I didn't think that demon thing could stomach the combination. Frankly, I hoped she'd try. I hoped she choked. Bitch.

Jeremy reached over and took my hand. I looked at him, and he saw the tears. He squeezed just a little, and gave a small smile.

"It's hard, Dad," he said, then caught himself. "I mean, Becca."

I smiled softly, but there was little pleasure in it. "Yoo ment Dahd, spuht. S'okay." I looked down. "Luks liyk no bays bawl fur a whyul, Jehmmy. I emm soh sahwwy."

He looked down, too, and I caught a hint of a tear in his eye. The he spoke, in a low voice. "I liked playing ball with you, Dad. But the ball wasn't what I liked about it. It was being with you. If you ... you had disappeared forever, it would have hurt so much. The not knowing." He squeezed my hand harder, and I gave a little yelp. He looked up and let go of my hand. "Sorry. Did I hurt you?"

I nodded. "Ah wittle. Noh wurries." I wiggled my fingers at him. "See? Awl bettah."

He relaxed a little. "I'm glad you chose to stay, even if it means I've got another sister. Because you're still my Dad inside, and I still love you." The tears came faster. "Always, Dad."

I put my tiny hand on his. "I knoh, Jehmmy. Ah'll twy too bee a gud sis'er, an' ah Dahd too if I cun puhll i' off leyk dis."

We pulled up in front of Jeremy's school. The buses were still coming in, so he wasn't late yet.

"Come on, Jeremy," Carolyn said, popping the locks from the driver's seat. "Still need to get Emma to her school and Becca to daycare."

"Kay, Mom," Jeremy said, wiping the tears off his own cheeks with the back of his hand. He grabbed his back pack off the floor and opened his door. Then he paused for a minute, turned, and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Bye, Becca. Love you." Then he slipped out without looking back.

"Luv yoo too, Jehmmy," I said to the closed door. Carolyn pulled away, and I saw him straighten his shoulders and keep walking, backpack on his shoulder.

###

It felt lonely in the back seat. I watched the back of Emma's head in the mirror, and Carolyn's hands on the wheel.

"Cawolyn?" I piped up in my little voice. No reply. "Cawolyn?" I said, louder. I saw her hands twitch on the wheel, and her head turned just a little. She heard me. Why wouldn't she --?

Suddenly I realized, and heaved a sigh. "Mawmy?" I asked softly.

Her shoulders relaxed. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Waht time iz it?"

"Seven twenty, Becca," she said with a glance at the clock. I shook my head and looked at my little white dress shoes, and my lacy socks.

"Ur yoo layt?"

"Not yet, honey," she replied. "But the time spent dropping off the kids will make me late, a little. You should have been at daycare by now, on a normal day."

I laughed out loud, a little bark that sounded almost like a squeal. She looked back at me, and I shrugged. "A norrml day? Nut shaw wut dat iz aneemur."

She just smiled and looked back at the road. "I guess we'll find out, princess."

###

When we reached Emma's school, she was almost late. Still, when she got out, she opened my door and gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Bye, sis," she said with a little smile. "Love you. Good luck today, k?"

I nodded and touched her cheek with my hand. "Luv yoo, Emmah. Danks." She shut the door and hurried into the school with a wave. Carolyn pulled out of the parking lot and started driving.

"Doo yoo knoh weer yoo gohin?" I asked, splaying my fingers on the safety bar that held me in the seat.

"Yes, I think I do," she said softly. "If we had managed to have another child, we would have taken her to Harmony House for daycare, just like we did Emma and Jeremy. It ... feels right, somehow, Becca."

"'kay, Mawmy," I said, looking out the window again. "Seeeemz liyk nuttin feelz wite too day."

"And it won't, hon." Her voice had become a little sharp, then she was quiet for a moment and her tone softened. "Not for a long time, and especially not for you."

We both went silent for a few minutes, until Carolyn pulled the car up to the curb in front of Harmony House. She shut off the engine and turned around to face me.

"This is where it gets harder, hon," she said. "You need to be a baby for everyone here, all day long. Can you do that?"

I looked back at her seriously. "Haff too, Mawmy. Can' be anyting elz."

Carolyn nodded. "That's my girl. OK, then. First things first. That's a pretty dress, but it's not for everyday. We need to get you into something else."

She opened her door and grabbed what I knew to be a diaper bag from the floor of the passenger side. Then she slid out and got in the back seat with me.

"I know you think you sound like a baby, but the truth is you seem to be around six months old, and even one-year-olds don't speak as well as you do now," she said, unbuckling my seat. She reached down, took the clips out of my hair, and pulled the dress over my head. I shivered in just my baby tee. Out of the diaper bag, she took a pale yellow one-piece cotton play dress, with short sleeves, a round collar, and a little ruffle of a skirt. On its chest were the words, "Mommy's Princess" in flowing lavender script, with little purple butterflies flittering around the words. She pulled it down over my head and helped me put my arms through the sleeves.

"It's important that you not try to make sentences, Becca," Carolyn continued smartly as she picked me up and laid me down on the seat. "Words here and there are all right, but you need to do baby babble most of the time." She pulled off the rhumba panties, exposing my disposable diaper, and replaced them with an unruffled pair that matched the yellow of the dress.

"Ah'm nut suhr Ah cahn doo baybee babul, Cah -" she shot a look at me, and I stopped. "Mawmy."

"Don't forget that, either, Becca," she said sharply, untying my little white shoes and replacing them with baby sneakers. "Calling me 'Mommy' is just barely your speed at this age, or should be. Slip up in front of others and they'll wonder where 'Cawolyn' came from. As for babbling, let me think on it for a moment. It seems difficult for you to form words now. Is it?"

I nodded. She sighed. "Try something for me, princess. Say something, anything you like, but don't even try to make it intelligible. Let your mouth go, and raise and lower your pitch once in a while."

I thought for a second, got very quiet, then spoke in a singsong voice. "Maaah gah gibbeee otts oiiizzzes." She smiled down at me, and I gave her a small smile back.

"See? Told you you could do it. Your mouth doesn't really have the control for speaking at this point, so it should be easy to babble. What did you try to say?" she asked, scooping me up in her arms with the diaper bag on her shoulder.

"My gurl gibs mee 'otz ob 'isses," I replied, blushing. Carolyn smiled, lifted me up to her face, and kissed me over and over again as she walked up to the door until I was giggling uncontrollably.

###

Being carried into Harmony House sobered me up quickly, and the giggles trailed off before Carolyn and I were two steps past the threshold. The low murmur of caregivers and children interacting mixed with a CD of children's favorites was my first impression, since Carolyn was carrying me in such a way that I faced the door. She held me up in front of her halfway to the check-in desk and looked deep into my eyes.

"Be strong, baby," she whispered, and kissed the tip of my nose. "This is where your new life really starts." I nodded, and she turned me around so I could see my future.

The whole layout was wide open, with only low walls separating each different area. It hadn't changed a bit from when Jeremy went here as a toddler. Straight ahead was the check-in counter, with its sign-in book and bulletin board of notices. To the right of the check-in, the counter dipped down, so a parent could deposit a little one still strapped into his or her infant seat. The small gate next to that was closed with a simple bolt on the side facing the door, so no child could even attempt to open it.

Past the gate was a long aisle that connected several areas, each with a specific function. The first area on the left was administration, right behind the check-in counter. Tucked in past the check-in counter was a small kitchen area for food prep, and a little bathroom with the door open. Inside I could see a small sink at child height, and a tiny toilet. Further down the central aisle, still on the left, was the entrance to the eating and several small play areas with a door to the outside playground. The left side ended with a row of diaper-changing stations and a wall of cubbies that held changing supplies. I could see one labeled "Becca" in flowing script on a yellow card, surrounded with stickers of daisies and happy cartoon honeybees. I shuddered again, still keeping hold of my breakfast.

On the right side of the aisle were only two areas, both for sleeping. One area held several rows of cribs, one with my new name on it near the front. The other area had nap mats for the older children, with heavy curtains on the windows that could be drawn to make it dark.

"Hi, Ms. Barnes," said the girl behind the desk. Girl, I chided myself silently. She was at least fifteen years older than me. Her nametag said "Gina."

"Hi, Gina," my wife replied, lifting me up and over the check-in counter. Gina took me easily and tickled my nose with hers.

"Hey, Becca becca," she said in a singsong voice. 'How's my favorite little girl today?" I caught Carolyn's eye over Gina's shoulder, and she looked back and nodded. "Babble," she mouthed. I gave Gina a big smile and said, "Giga berri pweddigubble donuutin'?"

Gina smiled. "Awwwww, I just love the way she talks," she said, and hugged me to her. I looked at Carolyn again and rolled my eyes. She smiled. "Get used to it, Becca," she said aloud. "You're too cute not to hug."

"That's the truth," Gina said, and hugged me again. I nodded at Carolyn and hugged Gina back.

Carolyn took three bottles out of the diaper bag and placed them on the counter. They were transparent, topped with nipples protected by transparent caps. From the yellowish color of the liquid inside, I realized they were filled with breast milk. I sighed inside.

"How is Becca on supplies?" Carolyn asked in a matter-of-fact tone. I thought I heard a little quivering in her voice.

"Just fine, Ma'am," Gina said, bouncing me in her arms. "A little low on wipes, but we can borrow from a neighbor if we have to, until you bring in some more."

"I'll try and bring some in tonight when I pick her up."  Carolyn came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Be a good girl for Gina, baby. I love you."

I nodded and mouthed "wuv yoo" back at her, then she turned and left quickly. Gina walked me over to the window by the cribs and pulled the curtain back. I watched as Carolyn got into the car.

'Wave bye-bye, Becca," Gina said happily. "Wave bye-bye!" She took my hand and moved it up and down. She was too busy playing with me to notice Carolyn slump behind the wheel, and I could clearly see her shoulders shaking. She was crying. Oh, God, she was crying, and it was all my fault. She had been strong all morning, trying to keep everyone's spirits up in the face of the disaster I made. But once she was alone, she couldn't hold it in.

When I realized what I'd done, I started crying, too, silently. Gina saw my eyes filling and my lip quivering.

"Oh, sweetie, don't cry, Mommy will be back," she said, holding me tight, patting me on the back. And I thought, "yeah, Mommy will, but my wife is gone. My life is gone." And I started crying in earnest, my whole body shaking in Gina's arms. I tried not to be loud, because I didn't want to wake the babies in the cribs, the ones who had come in sleeping. But I still cried and sniffled and mourned for the life I had lost.

Gina took me over to a rocking chair and sat down with me in her lap. She started rocking, and singing a soft song - nothing I recognized, but sweet and lilting. She was just hoping her voice would make me feel better, and it did, a little. But what stopped my tears turned out to be a vestige of pure male stubbornness. I suddenly remembered who did this to me. And I realized that every time I cried, I was actually giving that bitch exactly what she wanted. I was feeding the one who left me like this.

Well, I won't give her the meal she craves, I thought savagely. She won't get the satisfaction of drinking my tears again. I will get past this. WE will all get past this. I will hold it together, no matter what happens to me.

SHE won't win. I won't LET her win.

###

After I had calmed myself down, Gina picked me up and carried me over to the play area. Other parents were bringing in their babies and toddlers, and several other women were checking them in as they arrived. She took me through a small gate (that also bolted on the outside) into the infant area and sat me down in front of a bunch of stuffed animals and a small stack of building blocks. Then she ran her fingers through my hair, gave me a little smile, and went across to check on a toddler on the other side of the room.

I looked around, then down at my tiny hands, framed by the yellow ruffled skirt behind them. I could just see the little Velcro-sealed sneakers on my feet with their lace-trimmed white socks. I sighed, this time out loud. After all, no one was paying attention to little Becca, not in the bustle of getting the kids checked in so parents could get off to work. I looked up at the clock on the wall. Only ten minutes since Carolyn had gone? I felt like this day was going to go on forever.

I spent a while just thinking, mulling over this morning's trip to the supermarket and everything that had gone wrong. Just how many cautionary tales had I read or heard in my lifetime? Hundreds? Thousands? And yet there I stood, haggling with a supernatural creature instead of running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. I should have ignored her, I thought. I could have just walked away. I had plenty of time for Monday morning quarterbacking now, and with little else to do, I kept beating myself up over and over for thinking I could outsmart a creature who might have been thousands of years old, with extensive experience in tricking humans for its own gain.

I shook my head. Stop being negative, I scolded myself inside. This is who you are, now. You may not look like it, but you are old enough to take responsibility for your own stupidity. My family needed me and still had me, this way. I had to play the part, because at this point, the part was all I had. I didn't want to be this way, but I was, and would be until I grew out of it. In an odd way, it was like I was before. Once again, I was stuck in the wrong body. And once again, all I could do was hunker down and get used to it.

After spending almost forty years wanting my body and my mind to be as one, I had eventually managed to put together a philosophy that helped me get along day to day: "Play the hand you're dealt. You may not like the cards, but they're all you've got, so make the most of them."

Yes, it was simplistic, but worked pretty well in getting me past the dark times when I thought my need to be a woman would eat me alive. It went hand in hand with a bit of wisdom delivered by Robert Heinlein's Lazarus Long: "Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you don't bet, you can't win."

Yes, I've read Heinlein. And as I thought of it that morning, I vowed I would read him again - as soon as I could pull the hardcover editions off the shelves at home without anyone thinking I planned to teethe on them.

So, this game was rigged, but that didn't matter. I still had to keep betting. For Carolyn and the children, I had to stay in the game. That meant I needed to learn how to be a baby girl. I had to at least try to blend in, be inconspicuous. I couldn't just sit here. Or could I? I looked around. No one seemed to care what I did. I guess everyone was happy when a baby was quiet. Theoretically, I could sit here and stare into space as long as I cared to. Something else would happen eventually. That's how the universe worked. Maybe the key to babyhood is learning how to do nothing and do it well.

But even as an adult, I'd never been very successful at doing nothing. Vacationing at the beach bored me silly. An empty afternoon with no plans or chores drove me crazy. Oh, God, what a nightmare. An overachiever like me in a body that couldn't do anything.

Maybe I'm going about this the wrong way, I thought. I'm not totally helpless. Maybe I just needed to find things I could work on - actions I could take to make me feel better about being stuck this way. I started thinking furiously. I need to learn to talk more clearly, I thought. That's true enough. Unfortunately, I couldn't practice there - it would call too much attention to me, and Carolyn said no.

I looked around and saw a boy standing near a corner, steadying himself against the low wall around the play area with one hand and struggling to keep his balance. I smiled. There it is, I thought. I'd work on walking! Walking would make me feel less helpless, less dependent. And judging from my friend against the wall, it wasn't out of the ordinary for a baby to get the urge to strut their stuff.

Then I tried to get to my feet.

The key word there was "tried." Getting my body to listen to me was a major undertaking. I could just about handle keeping my body in a sitting position, as long as I didn't move. When I leaned forward to try and get my legs under me, I wound up with my forehead touching the play mat. Pulling back from that to an upright position was pretty much impossible. I had to roll to one side and wound up on my tummy.

So much for walking.

I lay there, tears in my eyes, and fumed. DAMN it! This stupid body isn't ready yet. I'm not ready yet. I felt the tears leaving tracks down my cheeks, and pushed the sadness away. No food for the bitch thing, I thought savagely. Not on my watch. If she's still around, that is. Can she still prey on me, I wondered, even when our business is concluded?

I looked around for something, anything, to do. To help me keep my mind off all of this. Hell, they had a lot of things to play with here. Maybe I could actually ...well ... play!

I looked over at the toys in front of me. Some blocks, and a few stuffed animals. Hmmm. Beyond that there were other things to play with - some big plastic cars, a doll house. I could hear the same music from when Carolyn and I arrived start playing again. The CD seemed to be on some kind of endless repeat. Terrific. If this kept up, I knew I was going to get mighty sick of "The Wheels on the Bus" around lunchtime.

I looked back at the toys again. That big teddy bear looked inviting, kind of soft and cuddly. Good for a couple of minutes, sure. But I bet the long-term entertainment value would be small. A few hugs, and I'd have to move on. Blocks? Maybe. I could build something. I used to do a pretty good job on birdhouses, and I built Jeremy a terrific bed to fit in an awkward place in his old room. Different order of magnitude, though. And anything I built here would be transitory at best.

Suddenly I realized what I was doing, and I laughed out loud. It came out a giggle, which was kind of embarrassing because up until that point, I didn't think I could giggle. But I supposed it was standard issue for the little girl I had become, so I was stuck with it.

I laughed because I realized I was still thinking like a grown-up. I was sitting in a daycare center in a play dress and a diaper, worrying about wasting time -- when all I had was time, and nothing else to do with it but waste it. I had no job, no money, and no way to experience any kind of adult forms of entertainment. I wasn't going skiing any time soon. No pick-up basketball games in the park. No William Gibson, David Weber, or Neal Stephenson novels in the immediate future - unless they were printed on thick cardboard pages with rounded edges. And I wouldn't be taking a day off work to go see Joss Whedon's Serenity movie on opening day. Hell, I thought, I'd be lucky to convince Carolyn to buy me a copy on DVD when it came out.

I had just come to the realization that I had time to kill, and lots of it. Years, maybe. So what if the big teddy bear's charms were limited? I was pretty sure he was soft, and cuddly, and I KNEW I was bored and needed a hug. So what if I couldn't walk? Maybe I could crawl. And why not crawl over and hug him? What was I losing in the attempt? Dignity? Self-respect? I had neither. I was a baby girl now. I had absolutely nothing to prove.

Maybe it was time for me to let go of Jack a little, and embrace my inner Becca -- for now, anyway. At the very least it was something to do.

Focusing all my energy, I pushed myself up on all fours with my legs half-tucked under me. A good start. I sort of rested for a second, getting my bearings. It had been a long time since the last time I had crawled, and I needed to think about how to go about it, at least in this body. I twisted my head and looked behind me. My little ruffled skirt had raised up, exposing the plain yellow panty that hid my diaper. I smiled, just a little. Modesty was not really an issue for a baby girl. Hell with it. Let 'em look.

I moved one hand forward, placed it on the soft floor, and stopped. Opposite knee, I figured. I pulled it forward, out from under me, and placed the knee firmly. I moved the other hand, then the other knee, and just kept going forward. Left, right, hand, knee. Head back, mouth open, eyes wide on the prize. Teddy bear at twelve o'clock. I felt my butt wiggling back and forth, heard the diaper crinkling, but the bear kept getting closer ... closer ...

Then my head bumped it, knocking it onto its back, and I crawled on top of it and collapsed on its tummy. I laughed again, this time with pride, and wrapped my arms around it tight and squeezed.

It was just as soft as I had expected. Cuddly, too. I couldn't stop smiling as I wallowed in the feel of it, the touch of its fur against my skin, and the fact that I had charted a course, mustered the will, and captured it. "Sometimes you get the bear ..." the old saying went. Well, I got him, I thought proudly.

Unfortunately, my joy at the accomplishment lasted for all of five seconds, before the bear spoke in a deep voice that rumbled up from inside its chest.

"You forgot the rest, Jack," it said, and I could hear the smile in its tone without actually seeing one on its face. "Sometimes, the bear gets you." His furry arms closed around me, and his whole body rippled with silent laughter. "Good work, by the way. Glad to see you're keeping busy."

Damn.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

by Randalynn

---

 
 

 
 

Uncoordinated as I was in my six-month-old state, getting free of the bear's embrace was pretty near impossible. It clung to me as I rolled, impervious to my attempts to shake it loose. I did my best to push it off with my tiny arms, but it held fast. And the more trapped I felt, the more frightened I became.

"Really, Jack," it protested, appearing surprised at my reaction,"Why so upset? I thought you wanted a hug!"

Truth be told, all I wanted at that point was to get as far away from the thing as I could. I had learned a valuable lesson that morning, and was doing my best to prove that my earlier stupidity was indeed curable. If that bear was a reality-bending demon thing, I wanted nothing to do with it. Period. Bad enough I was stuck as a baby girl because I was foolish enough to think I could deal with one of these creatures and not get burned. Who knows what the hell else could happen to me? Or my wife? Or my kids?

I opened my mouth to cry, thinking Gina or one of the others could get this thing off of me, but I shut it just as fast. I couldn't put them in danger just to save me from this, I thought. I wouldn't put it past the bitch thing to hurt them if she thought it would buy her something.

"OH!" The bear immediately released me, and I rolled clear, shaking and panting. As I struggled to sit up, I noticed that the damned toy had scared the crap out of me, literally -- along with everything else in my digestive tract. I sighed, debated what position I should put myself in, and gingerly twisted myself around until I was on my hands and knees again. I had no illusions about being able to crawl away from HER, but until I managed to get a diaper change, there was no way I was sitting down -- and I sure as hell didn't want to be on my belly or back with one of these things in the room.

"A thousand apologies, Jack," it said, making weird motions with its paws. It took me a second, but I realized it was trying to wring its non-existent hands. It might have worked if the bear HAD hands -- or if the bear's stubby arms could actually reach each other. "I had no idea you thought I was the Other. I didn't mean to frighten you."

"Well, you did a hell of a job, whoever you are," I shot back, still panting. Then stopped. I could talk normally -- sort of. My new voice was very high-pitched, and sounded sort of familiar. I reached back into my memory and came up with an unlikely candidate.

"A Smurf?" I said. The bear nodded as best it could without a neck, and I sighed. The only girl Smurf, if I remembered correctly, although for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.

"Smurfette, actually," the bear replied without being asked. "Not a conscious choice on anyone's part, I assure you. Just how your adult female voice would sound given a child's larynx and vocal apparatus. We thought you might be pleased to abandon the pidgin English the Other had cursed you with. Especially considering how hard it was for you to actually use what she gave you effectively."

"Terrific," I muttered, then stopped again. "Damn! I'm not supposed to be talking at all in front of the people here," I hissed, and the bear gave a little smile.

"Do you see anyone noticing?" It asked, and waved a paw.

Sure enough, as I looked around, I saw no one paying Becca and the bear the slightest bit of attention. Unlike my previous encounter with one of these things, time went on, but events occurred around us without anyone nearby noticing anything different at all.

"Not as flashy as stopping time," the bear sniffed, as if it was disgusted at the very thought, "but we aren't here to impress ourselves with our own power. Or you either, comes to think of it. Stealth is our watchword, or should be."

"What exactly are you doing?" I asked, peering around at life passing in real time.

"We've created what you'd call an avoidance field. It basically makes anyone in the area choose not to look at this particular spot, or even notice us until we allow them to. Their eyes just pass right over and move on." The bear huffed back into a sitting position, and invited me to do the same. I shook my head.

"Thank you, no. It's bad enough I have to wear a diaper, worse yet that you scared me into using the damned thing. Last thing I need is to sit in it. The day's bad enough as it is."

"Again, my apologies, Jack," the bear said, managing to look a little sheepish. It wrinkled its nose and I was once again clean. I nodded my thanks, and, after much rolling and twisting, assumed a sitting position. The bear waited politely until I was through.

"As I said," it continued apologetically, "I never meant to frighten you. I thought you wanted a hug and I gave you one. I never realized you would mistake me for Her."

"Well, my experience with magical creatures in the real world is somewhat limited. You're only the second one I've ever met."

"Really? My word, that is impressive." The bear shook its head. "To do what you did with such limited experience. I've seen mages with hundreds of years of dealing with the Otherworld fall prey to its denizens through lack of just the caution and intelligence you displayed this morning."

I snorted, which is no mean trick with a nose as small as the one I'd inherited.

"No, really! I actually came by to offer my congratulations."

"Congratulations?"

"Yes."

"For what? Making a damned fool of myself?"

"First, for figuring out what HER game was. You'd be surprised how many mortals let themselves become totally convinced the Other's goal is noble, just because they want it to be."

I shook my head. "I fell for some of that, myself."

The bear nodded. "Only some of it, Jack. But you knew from the start something wasn't right, and you kept working at it under tremendous pressure until you figured out what she was up to. That doesn't happen very often. You are -- were -- a singular man."

I blushed, and said nothing. The bear looked at me with a small smile, and nodded again.

"I also wanted to congratulate you on the choice you made. You did the right thing, Jack, and you have no idea how truly rare that is. Most of the other humans throughout history who were smart enough to get the Others to reveal their intent ... well, they abandoned their families and friends to the mercy of the Others without a second thought. They didn't give a damn what happened to the people who cared for them, as long as they got what they thought they deserved. Once you realized what was happening, you turned down the offer without a thought. That took courage."

"Not really." I shrugged. "I couldn't let it hurt my family. I couldn't let it use me to hurt them, for any price. I couldn't live with myself if I did. I don't see that makes me special. I don't see that I had any other choice, but thanks for the compliment."

"Honor, then," the bear insisted, holding up a paw. "A victory of love and honor over greed."

I looked at the bear for a long time, and finally sighed. "I won't argue the point. If someone wants to see me as something more than a damned idiot, I would be a fool twice over to argue with them. Still, I did wind up sitting here in a diaper for the foreseeable future making goo-goo noises while SHE roams free to do this to some other idiot. And my family is still hurting, even though I did the right thing." I looked down at my tiny feet and sighed again. "As victories go, it kinda sucks, don't you think?"

"As a matter of fact, we do."

I looked up at it, slightly annoyed. "Well, who are you, anyway? And why do you keep saying 'we?' I only see one of you, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but if you're using the royal 'we,' you're looking a little worse for wear, 'Teddy.' Not exactly majestic, if you catch my drift."

The bear tsked at me, and its chubby face twisted in a parody of irritation. "Really, Jack. I'm surprised at you. The 'we' is not royal. I represent a group -- one you should be familiar with. Don't you recognize my voice? After all, it wasn't that long ago that you heard it last."

He held up a paw with a dramatic flourish, and I heard it again. That bell, or gong, followed by a voice I finally recognized as his. "Spoken and witnessed, you are bound in these dealings. Break this oath on fear of punishment most foul."

I thought it through. He waited, his paw still in the air. "So," I said slowly, "you're ... the referee?"

It nodded. "For want of a better term, yes. And it's referees, actually. We are the Arbiters of all dealings in magick, great and small." The paw came down as his chin lifted, and he looked down his long snout at me. "Bargains can be struck without our intervention, of course, but not without our knowledge. Only true idiots deal in reality-altering magicks without invoking the oath, since in those dealings humans are essentially turning control of their own reality to a supernatural entity. Our judgments are true and our punishments absolute, and too terrible to contemplate. Oath-breakers have nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. We are the law, and our justice is swift and without mercy."

I snorted again. I was starting to get good at it. He shot me a look full of disapproval, and I lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry, Your Honor," I said softly, "but the oath didn't seem to help me much. She still managed to trick me in the end."

"That oath, infant," he said menacingly, "is the only reason I am here. It took a certain presence of mind to push the Other into invoking the oath. Usually, they avoid it like the plague. It called our particular attention to you. If that oath had not been given and witnessed, we would never have seen your courage and strength, and felt compelled to act."

"Act?" Suddenly the world became very quiet, like the silence you experience just after a heavy snowfall.

"Yes, act. You have earned the respect of the Arbiters, and that means we can grant you some measure of peace, and save you from some of the consequences of your dealings with the Other."

My mouth became very dry, and I felt the world spinning, just a little. This was what hope feels like, I thought, when it creeps up behind you and smacks you hard upside the head. I struggled to hold it together, to try and keep myself from falling too fast.

"But ... but the one who revealed himself to my wife this morning, the one who has been living off of our happiness," I stuttered, "he said he could not reverse what had been done."

"That is correct," the bear said. "He could not reverse it, and neither can we." It leaned over and touched my arm with a paw. "The oath is very specific. 'A bargain struck is a bargain made.' And although the demo was not part of the deal you were negotiating with HER, it was a separate bargain nonetheless ­-- one created specifically with a loophole you didn't see ... or rather, didn't hear. So none of us can change you back to the Jack you were. All the one who fed from your joy could do was create a place for what you have become in What Is." The bear sighed. "Even doing that had its price, for him. I suppose that's why the universe allowed him to do it."

"A price?"

"Oh, yes. His kind live off of what you would facetiously call 'free range happiness.' They feed on joy that occurs naturally, as opposed to happiness manufactured by magick. The joy eater did what he did for you all out of love for your family, and in recognition of the tremendous debt he owed you for years of sustenance. But as a result, he has had to leave you to forage for happiness elsewhere. Any joy your family creates from now on will be tainted by his gift. It was a difficult choice for him, but one we were proud of all the same."

I bowed my head, embarrassed by his gift. "He tried to save me, tried to warn my wife. He showed her and the children what was happening."

"Well, that was hardly as heroic as you make it sound," the bear smiled, just a little. "After all, it was as much about protecting his food source as it was protecting you. But sacrificing his connection to your family to make it easier for you all to go on ... that has value beyond measure, and we will not forget."

There was a long pause, then I spoke, asking the question I couldn't hold back from asking. "If you can't reverse the change ... what exactly can you do?"

The bear started to speak, then stopped. It sat up very straight, then cocked its head as if listening to something far away.

"No," it breathed, almost in shock. Then its voice changed to a angry growl. "No!"

I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, and the bear collapsed in a heap, like a puppet with its strings cut. The Arbiter was gone, just like that.

###

"Aw ... bit... ur?" I said tentatively. Damn, I thought. Back to the stammer and grind. Just as well. I hated having to make the extra effort to make myself understood, but it also made it more difficult to speak too well in front of someone outside the family. Considering how my luck has been going, at least this voice could support the argument that I was just a precocious six-month-old and not an underdone midget with delusions of Smurfhood.

"Hey Becca becca!" Gina arms swooped down and spun me around in the air. I squealed, half frightened as the word spun around me. Then she stopped and pulled me close, her face only inches from mine.

"Where on Earth have you been, little one? Here all the time?" I smiled, thinking she got it right the first try. She smiled back, and rubbed my nose with hers. "Well, you're the best hider I've ever seen, baby. And I love that smile."

She held me so I could just peek over her shoulder and carried me over to a high chair, where she put me down and buckled me in tight. Gina walked over to my cubby and pulled out a pink plastic bib, and tied it around my neck with a flourish.

"Snack time, Becca," she said melodically. I noticed several other infants sitting in high chairs, being tended by others. The toddlers had apparently just finished eating, and had gone off to a story time in the play area. I could see them all sitting in a circle around an older woman reading them a book. I turned back to see a spoon coming at me, and I opened my mouth reflexively and closed it around the spoon.

Sweet and sour hit me at the same time, and I shuddered. Apricots. I opened my mouth and tried to push them out with my tongue, but Gina kept spooning them right back in as they passed my lips. With a mental sigh, I accepted the apricots and swallowed. Gina gave me a big smile.

"See, baby?" she said happily, preparing another spoon. "Isn't solid food wonderful? I knew you'd like apricots."

Oh yeah, I thought unhappily. Just love 'em.

When the little jar was finished, she wiped my mouth off and took off my bib. Then she took me over to the rocker where we had sat earlier that morning, and I saw the bottle in her hand.

"Now I know you love this, little one."  She settled down and held me in the crook of her arm, then placed the nipple in my mouth. I closed my eyes, heaved a sigh, and started sucking. The liquid just slid into me, and my mouth did all the work without me having to think twice. I tried to think about the Arbiter's sudden disappearance, and his last words, but the sucking and the warm milk and the feel of Gina's body pressed against mine had me asleep before I even noticed I was sleepy.

###

I woke up suddenly, and found myself staring up at a ceiling I had never seen before, surrounded by bars. Just above my head was a mobile with a stampede of unicorns and a flight of cute girl fairies hanging from it in pastel colors. I was still a little sleep-befuddled, and I turned my head. Another baby slept in the crib next door, and the lights seemed to be turned down low.

I guess it's naptime, I thought. I wonder if I made it through that bottle. I moved my legs slightly and felt the damp in my diaper. Oh yeah. I finished it all right. And apparently I can't hold anything in when I'm asleep. This baby thing just gets better and better.

But for all the uncomfortable wetness, I wasn't keen on attracting attention. I had some thinking to do, and as addictive as Gina's smile was, I always had to be Becca with her, and I needed my inner Jack right now.

The Arbiter had just ... gone. Slipped out of the bear and ran. But he didn't look afraid. I shook my head. Like I can read the expressions on the face of a stuffed bear, I thought. But you could, I insisted. First he was shocked. Then he was angry. Then he was gone.

Something had happened that he really didn't like. If it was enough to disturb someone with as much power as he seemed to possess, it couldn't be good. Nevertheless, he seemed about to offer me a hand, although he did take quite a while to explain why I couldn't be Jack again.

Apparently, there was a whole slew of rules, checks, and balances to these magical transactions. As if the system had developed over millennia to control the power of those who could change reality on a whim. I could imagine the threat to the continuity of the Universe these magical creatures represented. Rules had to be created or chaos would overwhelm the natural order. And Arbiters had to be created to enforce the rules, since mere ethical integrity wouldn't stop something like the demon thing from doing whatever it wanted to get its way. I'm sure it hated the rules, but obeyed them because the Universe gave it very little choice. Apparently. the alternative was too frightening to bear.

So what would make the Arbiter react that way? I turned it over in my head, but got nothing. And none of this seemed to fit any known conception of how the universe works. In short, I didn't know enough. I snorted. That's nothing new, I thought. All I can do is wait.

The lights came back on above, and I saw Gina come over to my crib and look down on me. I looked up at her and smiled in spite of myself.

"Awake, baby?" The smile was in her voice as much as on her face. She picked me up and felt the bottom of my diaper, and made a little face, "Oh, is Becca wet? And you didn't make a sound! What a good girl you are. Must be icky for you. We'll fix it fast, though, don't worry."

And she did, too, taking me over to the changing table nearest my cubby, cleaning me up and putting me in a clean diaper with the fast professionalism of someone who has changed hundreds in the course of her career. It was a bit embarrassing to me at first, but as she worked, I realized it wasn't like it was with the demon thing at all. The Other was trying deliberately to humiliate me and show me how powerless I was. To Gina, my powerlessness was her reason for being. It was her job to care for me, since I couldn't care for myself. And she seemed to really like me. Keeping me fresh and clean was just part of what she had to do to keep me happy, and I could tell from her attitude that she enjoyed her work.

I kept that in mind while the day progressed.

More play time for a while after lunch. I practiced crawling, set myself some goals, and barreled through. Gina was overjoyed I had mastered the moving thing. I grinned a toothless grin. Anything that makes her smile is a plus. I kept close to the bear, though, in case the Arbiter made a surprise reappearance.

Lunchtime was some kind of oatmeal, made with breast milk from the bottles Carolyn brought. I was okay with it. Tasted different from the last oatmeal I had eaten, but it beat apricots, so I didn't even fight.

After food, another bottle in the rocker, another long nap. When I woke the second time, I was pretty messy and not at all happy about it. I found that Becca possessed an awesome howl that elicited an immediate response. Gina clicked her tongue at me and whisked me to the changing table, then brought me back to the play area for more crawling practice. I was thankful for the naps, since the crawling used a lot of energy that this body just didn't have yet. Eventually I lay down on top of the bear to rest for a minute, hoping it would rumble to life once more.

The bear said nothing. I worried a little, but dismissed it with a shake of my little red head and a wave of my pudgy hand. The Arbiters had a universe full of magic users to monitor and police. They would get back to me when time permitted, and truthfully, I was okay with it. I wouldn't say I was happy, but I wasn't miserable, and that surprised me. I had thought I would be in a state of constant embarrassment and humiliation from the minute Carolyn and I walked through the front doors, but eventually I realized I had nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about.

Gina didn't see a grown man. She saw a baby girl. They all did. I needed caring for, and they did it happily, because they liked caring for little ones or they wouldn't be here.

As I thought more about it, I realized that this wasn't really torture. It would get pretty boring being baby Becca all the time, but it wasn't painful, and Gina's smile more than made up for being changed and fed. It even made up for the Apricots, and I hated them since the last time I wore diapers. And eventually Carolyn would come to take me home, and I could talk about her day and find out how things were with the children. Normalcy waited for me, or something close to it, at the end of the day, so I watched the clock and waved goodbye to the other babies when their parents came and took them home.

It was five minutes to six, and I was one of the few infants left. Carolyn came through the door like a whirlwind, and handed Gina a box of wipes.

"And how was my Becca today, Gina?" Carolyn was happy, a big smile on her face as she took me in her arms and rubbed my nose with hers.

"She was terrific, ma'am," Gina said. "Ate all her apricots at snack-time without much of a fuss, and practiced crawling most of the day. You should have seen her scooting across the floor."

Carolyn smiled at her and kissed my nose. "I'm sure I'll get my own demonstration tonight at home. If Becca's discovered a love for crawling, she's going to need more watching anyway."

Carolyn signed me out, took the empty bottles from Gina and put them in her purse, and waved a cheery goodbye as we left.

"Hi, Mommy," I started to say. But what came out sounded more like "heyah bah dah dee bah." I closed my mouth with a snap.

"Talkative tonight, baby?" she said, a smile in her voice. "I can't wait until you start saying words, and then sentences. And you're so smart, that's going to happen soon, I just know it."

Huh? I was shocked into silence for a moment, just long enough for Carolyn to slip me into the car seat and buckle me in.

"But I can talk!" My brain formed the words and sent them towards my mouth, but what came out was "Bububububu AWK."

She kissed my forehead and closed the car door, and I kicked my legs in frustration. Why was Carolyn treating me like I had always been Becca? And what had happened to my voice?

The bear took away the upgrade it gave me, but I had tested my voice afterward, and I could still talk like Cindy Brady after one too many six packs. From what I knew, the only one who could take away what was given was the thing who gave it in the first place.

So if it was gone ...

My blood ran cold.

"Yes, Jack. It was me." That voice. I looked up into the mirror over my head and saw the face of the demon bitch smiling back at me.

Why? I thought furiously, and kicked my feet again.

"Because I want to make you suffer," she purred. "And because you won't be needing it anymore. It will take you a year until you start putting the vocabulary together that a real baby uses, and I'll be loving every minute of it. Think of it! The great communicator, reduced to nothing but babble for a whole year. And then just 'Momma, Babba, Up!' for another year after that. It's priceless."

Carolyn knows I'm in here, I replied hotly in my head. She'll find a way --

"Oh, but she won't." The bitch smiled. "Because she doesn't know you're in there anymore. Neither do the children."

That wasn't part of our agreement! I was stunned.

"Oh no, baby," she cooed. "That was part of my bargain this morning. The one I made with Carolyn."

I was speechless ... so to speak.

 

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

The demon thing brags about her latest victory, erasing the memory of Jack's ill-fated bargain from the minds of his family and leaving him trapped as baby Becca with no way to communicate. But from the depths of her voiceless despair, Becca realizes there may still be a way to win.

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death."
-- Miyamoto Musashi, the Book of Five Rings
 
 

The demon thing smiled. "I'm very proud of the way I played her, Becca. She was a wreck today, all red-eyed and sniffly, sleepwalking into work, staring at the picture of Jack on her desk. She was trying so hard to be brave, and to stiff me out of a meal. And honestly, on the surface, she was succeeding. I could see, over time, how she could come to terms with what I'd done." She frowned, and anger flashed in her eyes. "That meddling joy eater! I could have been fed for years on your disappearance -- not to mention your ongoing sorrow for causing your family such pain."

I kicked my feet and pounded the seat with my tiny fists, and the face in the mirror brightened. "Now at least I have you to feed on again. The anger and frustration, seasoned with sadness ... mmmmmmmmm."

You lost all three of them to get even with me? In spite of the pain, I smiled at her. You're stupider than you look.

"Oh, your family has its stubborn side, Becca," she replied happily. "Got it from you, I imagine. Eventually, they would have accepted the change in you and gotten on with life as best they could, if for no other reason than to keep me hungry. They still had you, after all. Now to them, Jack died a while back. They lost dear old Dad, but they still have baby Becca. Such a cute bundle of joy you are!" She smiled. "Now the happiness Becca brings them doesn't hurt me at all. But when they treat you like the baby you are instead of the man you were? Ooooh, yes, I can live quite nicely on what you're going to be feeling for some time to come."

I don't believe this, I thought furiously. How could you possibly get Carolyn to even talk to you? She knew what you were, what you did.

"Oh yes," the demon thing sneered. "She wouldn't let ME get within a thousand feet of her. But that would presuppose she knew her visitor was me."

The image in the mirror blurred, and a view of Carolyn's office took its place. Carolyn looked so sad, so broken up, my heart melted for her. All my fault, I thought, and I heard a small contented sigh come from somewhere above me.

"Every time you kick yourself, you're ringing my dinner bell, baby!" I could hear the derision in her voice. "So tasty."

Suddenly, the space in front of Carolyn's desk seemed to shimmer, and a young man appeared. Carolyn looked up from my picture and smiled.

"Hey," she said softly. "I thought you had gone. That you couldn't stay."

"I can't," the man replied. "But I feel as if I haven't done enough."

I heard the demon thing laugh in my ear. "Too true," she snickered. "I didn't get to do nearly as much as I wanted to, to any of you."

"Oh, but you have!" Carolyn protested, looking up at the newcomer with grateful eyes.

The figure shook his head. "There's still so much I could do. You're so unhappy, you and the children."

Carolyn sighed, and looked down at the desk. "I know. We shouldn't be. I mean, we didn't really lose Jack. He's ... well, she's still with us. And what you did allowed us to keep her. Even though ... she'll never be the father and husband he was, he didn't disappear. And that's ... well, that's something."

"But it makes you sad, thinking about what you and the children will miss. Every time you look at Becca, you'll think about the Jack that was. All of you, seeing Becca and remembering the husband and father who isn't there. Always remembering." The young man shook his head, and as a tear fell down Carolyn's face, I could see him shudder slightly. Carolyn nodded, her lips tight, unable to speak. The man came around the table, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I think I can help," he said simply. Carolyn's head jerked up, and she looked into his eyes.

"You can?"

He nodded. "I can make you and the children feel better, right now. Make it easier for you to live with the change and move on with your lives. I can't tell you how, but it's the last thing I'll be able to do for you. If you're willing." The figure leaned forward. "You need to trust me, though. Do you?"

Carolyn nodded eagerly. 'Of course! After what you've already done for us, how could I not?"

The man grinned, and squeezed Carolyn's shoulder. I squeezed my tiny fists and pounded on the arms of the car seat. The demon thing laughed a laugh only I could hear.

"Okay, Carolyn," the figure in the mirror said. "Before I can do anything, you need to give me a dollar."

"A dollar?" she asked. He nodded. She nodded back and reached for her purse. Grabbing her wallet, she pulled out a crumpled bill and slipped it into his hand. He smiled.

"Now, close your eyes." Carolyn did as she was told, and I felt my own tears start to flow. He bent down over her and whispered a single word in her ear.

"Forget."

I saw rather than felt the reality wave ripple out from the two figures behind the desk. Then the mirror blurred again, and the bitch thing was back.

"Not a single lie in the entire conversation," she purred. "I AM good. And once again, you humans see and hear only what you want to." Her eyes closed, and her lips twisted up in a grotesque smile. I could feel her savoring my grief and despair. "Pitiful, really. 'A bargain struck is a bargain made.' And such a deal -- all that grief erased for a U.S. dollar." She opened her eyes and grinned down at me. "Of course, it buys me all your grief and then some, so it's a win-win for me. And a lose-lose for you."

Her face disappeared from the mirror, and I caught Carolyn's eyes looking at me with concern.

"Are you okay, baby?" she asked, and I looked down and just cried.

###

The tears had stopped by the time we reached home. I was red-eyed and blotchy from crying, but I had gone numb from shock. Every time I start getting a handle on all this, the game changes, I thought bitterly. How many jerks on reality's chain will it take before I just snap?

Carolyn opened my door and reached down to unbuckle me. She saw my runny nose and my stricken expression, and I watched her heart melt for me.

"Oh, Becca baby," she said softly, picking me up and cradling me against her. "What's wrong? You had so much fun with Gina today, and now you're all sad! Do you miss her so much?" She took a tissue from her purse and wiped my nose, then she held me close and gave me a squeeze. I closed my eyes wearily and relaxed into her arms. I was totally spent, without hope or any chance for redemption. I was stuck as Becca, voiceless and doomed to babyhood. I had no more tears to give. I had nothing. Even thinking of the Arbiter didn't raise my spirits. He had left and not returned. Maybe I wasn't worth the effort on his part.

I felt her pick up the diaper bag and her purse. Still holding me tight and murmuring softly, she closed the car door with her hip and made her way into the house.

It was chilly and dark outside, but being carried into our home was like entering an oasis of light and warmth and noise. I still felt numb, but my spirits seemed to lift almost immediately. It was ... Home. A little neater, maybe, with some of the furniture moved around. The television was on, and Jeremy was watching some technology show on cable. I could smell something cooking in the kitchen, something Italian with garlic and tomato sauce, and the smell filled me with hunger.

Carolyn walked into the kitchen to find Emma hovering over the stove.

"Hey, honey," she said, giving her a kiss with me still in her arms.

"Hi, Mom," Emma replied, focused on the cooking but smiling when she felt Carolyn's lips. "Dinner will be ready in a few."

"Good to hear," Carolyn said, walking through the kitchen to the living room.

"Jeremy? Would you watch Becca for a few minutes?"

Jeremy didn't even look away from the screen. "Sure, Mom," he said, holding out his arms. Carolyn handed me to him, purposefully blocking the screen until he looked up at her. When he did, she kissed his nose.

"Mo-om!" He ducked his head, protesting with a grin.

"Honey, Becca's sad for some reason," she whispered. "She cried in the car nearly the whole way home. She needs extra attention. Give her some cuddling, okay?"

"Sure, Mom!" He held me close against him and squeezed.

"Thanks, Jeremy. You're the best!" She kissed his nose again, and danced backwards away from him, still smiling. She disappeared from the room. I didn't know where, and I obviously couldn't ask. It stung briefly, but drifted away with a squeeze from Jeremy. I sat there in my son's lap with his arms around me and watched the tech show with him for a few minutes. Life felt almost normal, except for the diaper and the play dress. Every once in a while, Jeremy would give me a little hug, or a tiny kiss, and it felt oddly comforting.

I was just getting interested in a report about wireless technology for gaming when Emma's face popped between mine and the screen. I started, eyes wide, and opened my mouth to scream --

-- and Emma popped a pacifier in it and kissed me on the forehead. My mouth closed around it and started sucking automatically, much to my chagrin, as she picked me up and put me on a play mat on the floor. Internally, I cringed.

"Come on, Jer," she groaned, "don't you know what a baby wants? Not that tech stuff, that's for sure."

"She seemed pretty interested to me, sis," Jeremy said, smiling. "Couldn't take her eyes off the screen. I think she's gonna be a great gamer someday."

"Is that what you want her to grow up to be -- a couch potato like you?" Jeremy threw the TV Guide at her, and Emma laughed and threw it back. Jeremy ducked and laughed, then went back to watching the show.

Emma rolled me over on my back and put a bar full of hanging toys right over my face and hands. Then she touched different toys to make them move, and started talking to me in a singsong voice.

"Who's the prettiest girl I know?" she asked me, spinning a multicolored plastic wheel to try and make me look. "Who's the cutest girl in the world? Becca, that's who!" I sucked on the pacifier and dutifully turned my head every time she made a toy do something. She seemed disappointed, and my heart went out to her. She really was trying to cheer me up -- Carolyn must have said something -- and I wasn't responding. I couldn't make her sad. Quickly I gave her a toothless smile and gurgled a bit around the pacifier, then banged on some of the toys with my hands.

Suddenly she sniffed the air, then looked panicked and ran to the kitchen. I stared up at the ceiling and sucked, occasionally kicking my legs to break up the monotony. I couldn't see the television from here, and I thought briefly about rolling over to face the screen. But I wasn't sure about being able to do it without getting tangled in the hanging toys, and I didn't want to get Emma in trouble for leaving me like this if I did manage to get myself stuck. So I waited, listening to the television drone without actually hearing it. Every once in a while, I'd nudge a toy with a finger, trying for precision over brute force. Got to live in this body, I thought. Might as well learn to use it effectively.

I worked a little rhythm with the different sounds of the different toys. Eventually my mouth got tired of sucking, and the pacifier slid out and fell on the play mat beside me.

Right after my conversation with the demon thing, I had felt utterly empty and alone. I felt like even the semblance of control had been snatched away, and all I had left was the palest shadow of my life as Jack. I should have been angry, or outraged, or crying a blue streak while they all tried desperately to stop me. I had cried like that in the car, and Carolyn fretted the whole way home, talking to me as best she could, trying to calm me down. I only stopped because I had no more tears left in me.

But then I came home. And it calmed me, because it WAS home.

It was odd, because in some strange way, it wasn't. Odd, I mean. The last vestige of the me I used to be had been stripped away, leaving me a powerless infant. But I didn't feel particularly powerless, or humiliated, or embarrassed. In fact, I didn't really feel much of anything. Even though I couldn't do anything except lie there, it felt okay. I had my family back again -- and damn if they weren't happier than the last time I saw them. In spite of all that had happened, it felt good to see them smiling.

Carolyn's smiling face appeared above me, and her arms pushed aside the hanging toys and scooped me up. She swooped me up over her head and wiggled me, and I giggled in spite of myself.

"Dinner time, baby!"

She had changed into sweatpants and a scoop neck tee -- comfy clothes, she used to call them. The table was set for three, with a high chair next to Carolyn's usual chair. The chair I used to sit in sat empty, still in the same place at the table. She slid me into the high chair, buckled me in carefully, and clipped the small tray table in front of me. Then she tied a pink plastic bib around my neck. I watched everything very carefully. Jeremy finished setting the table, then brought out drinks and a salad. Emma brought out the pasta with a nice tomato-based sauce on it, smelling of garlic, along with a loaf of garlic bread and a tossed salad.

Carolyn came to the table last, with a small jar of orange-colored food and a tiny rubber-tipped spoon. I realized belatedly that none of the other stuff was for me, and I frowned and heaved a sigh.

"Oh come on, Becca," Carolyn said with a smile. "You liked the carrots last time you had them."

My eyes grew wide. I did? Since this was my first night as Becca -- heck, as far as I knew, it was Becca's first night ANYWHERE -- the demon thing must have managed to create a whole back history for the baby I had become. How far back did it go? How many memories did it have to spin out of whole cloth to build a past for a six-month-old? Or had there really been a Becca in a parallel dimension somewhere, just waiting for the thing to steal her life?

As my mind spun in circles, Carolyn unscrewed the jar, took a little bit of the carrots on the end of the spoon, and put them in my mouth. I half sucked and half scraped them off of the spoon and tasted them. An explosion of flavor filled my mouth, and I realized I did like the carrots. A lot. At least this body did. As I swallowed, my arms and legs jerked spasmodically with pleasure, and I smiled. Carolyn smiled back.

"See? Not icky at all!" She put another spoonful in my mouth, and I swallowed it eagerly. Not pasta and sauce or garlic bread, but surprisingly yummy. Apparently these taste buds hadn't been exposed to anything but breast milk since birth, and solid foods were something new. At daycare, the apricots were hatefully sweet, and the oatmeal was pretty bland, but these carrots? Damn, they were good. After a while, Carolyn gave the jar to Jeremy, and he took over feeding me so she could eat. All around me the family chattered about the day, and I took it all in with the carrots, smiling all the while. Before long the jar was empty, and everyone else's dinner was done.

###

But not mine, apparently. Carolyn lifted me out of the high chair and wiped my mouth with the bib. The children took the plates from the table and shared a look as we walked out of the room. She put me over her shoulder and walked over to the rocking chair in the corner of the living room. She sat down, lifted her tee shirt, and unhooked her bra from the front.

"Our time now, baby," she whispered with a smile, and I smiled back. Carolyn adjusted me in her arms, getting us both comfortable, and raised my mouth to her breast. I began sucking, and my eyes drifted closed.

As I lay there in the arms of my former wife, drinking the rest of my dinner and listening to my children bantering in the kitchen over the dishes, I just stopped thinking -- about the day, about the evening, about my family, and about my own stupidity. I opened my eyes slightly and saw Carolyn looking down on me, a small smile playing around her lips. She stroked the side of my face gently, and I heard her humming a lullaby. I sighed, and felt loved. And with a shock, I suddenly realized that I still had one weapon left with which to fight the demon thing. Despite my powerlessness, I had one move left that would stop her in her tracks. The one thing she would never expect.

I smiled around the nipple in my mouth, without stopping.

###

Afterwards, Carolyn burped me gently, then took off the diaper I had messed while feeding -- still not fun, but when you're as small as I was, toilets tend to be more dangerous than useful. Then she put a small plastic bathtub inside the regular tub, filled it, and gave me a bath with a tiny washcloth. The soap and shampoo she used smelled nice, like lilac and chamomile (according to the side of the bottle it came in -- and yes, I AM a compulsive reader, thanks for asking). When she talked to me, I smiled -- primarily because it made her smile. When she washed me, I stayed very still so as not to make it harder for her. This made her smile, too. I'd always loved making her smile.

After the bath, Carolyn powdered and diapered me, then dressed me for bed in a large pink sleep sack. She sat down in a rocking chair next to my crib and cuddled me, rocking and singing until my eyelids began to flutter. Then she kissed my forehead and placed me carefully in the crib. I was asleep before she left the room.

###

I woke quietly in the middle of the night. The nightlight on the wall by the changing table gave the room a warm glow, but that wasn't what woke me. It was the cartoon moon in the center of the mobile over my crib. The happy face on it shifted and twisted until it resembled the demon thing's female guise, and it smiled down on me in anticipation.

"How was your first night, baby Becca?" it gushed happily. "How did it feel? Humiliating? Just terrible to be treated like the infant you are?" I said nothing, thought nothing, felt nothing. The demon thing reached out, probed my mind, and grew angry. "Come on, baby. It must have been awful for you. Why not share your anguish with me?"

I just looked at her and let the silence expand. She grew uneasy. Finally I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I played my card.

I smiled.

"I can't share what I don't have, bitch," I thought at her, and the smile grew to a toothless grin as I saw her confusion mount. "Not that I'd want to feed you in any case, but in all your scheming and playing with me and my family, you overlooked the one thing I could do to take away your food supply."

She frowned, and her eyes grew fiery. "Ha! What could you possibly do?"

I looked back at her with triumph.

"I could get over it, and move on."

She was too shocked to speak.

"You gave me the idea, actually," I thought smugly. "While you were explaining why you helped my family forget, just so you could feed off of me. You said, 'Eventually, they would have accepted the change in you and gotten on with life as best they could, if for no other reason than to keep me hungry. They still had you, after all.'"

There was stunned silence from the demon thing. I smiled.

"So I realized that if I accept the change and get on with my life as best I can, I can keep you hungry, too. Because you need me to fight this in order to feed. You need me to rage and suffer and howl at the injustice, and hate you for doing this to me, and hate THEM for treating me like an infant. But I don't HAVE to do what you want. And I don't WANT to -- if for no other reason than to keep you hungry." I gave her another grin, along with a giggle. "As you said, my family IS stubborn -- and yes, they do get it from me."

"But ... but ... you're a grown man, trapped in a baby's body!" She sputtered. "You can't talk! You can't move! It should be hell on Earth in there for you! You should be a mass of raging hatred and despair right now."

I smiled. "Being a grown man wasn't exactly high on my list of things to want to be, remember?"

She howled so loud it shook the bed. "But the Jack I knew, the overachiever, the control freak -- he must be drowning with frustration. MY frustration! Where's my frustration, Jack!?!"

"Chew on your own, bitch," I kicked my feet in the sleep sack and settled back down, giving her a measured look. "Because you'll get none from me. I'm NOT the overachiever, or the control freak. I'm not JACK anymore. I'm Becca. And Becca's just fine the way she is." She stared at me like I was insane. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy, because it won't be. And God knows I wouldn't have picked this life, but I've been through a lot worse in my forty years as Jack. I'll survive."

"I ... I'm hungry, damn it! FEED ME!"

"I can't. I'm not hurting anymore. The one thing that brought me the most pain earlier was the way I'd hurt my family -- because I was the one who made them suffer. I took away their Dad and left a baby girl in his place. That would have taken a long time to heal." I gave her my biggest smile. "But then you went and erased all that hurt, took away that memory so you could hurt me. Now they're doing just fine. Better than fine, because they have Becca, and they love her. Love ME. The way they loved Jack."

The eyes on the cartoon moon were filling with an equal mix of hunger and hatred, but I wasn't scared. There wasn't anything she could do to me without making a deal, and at this point my family didn't desire anything enough to bargain with her. They -- WE -- were content.

"And this is the best part. I may not like being a baby, but in the end, it's only temporary. I will grow up again, and time will bring back everything you took away. Speech, walking, everything. I can wait. I've got my family back. The rest will follow." I gave her the biggest smile yet. "And since I wanted to be female in the first place, you've actually gone and done me a favor." She trembled, and the mobile shook. I put my hand up and pointed at her. "Now shut up and listen, because I'm going to do you a favor in return, and give you some advice. And I'm only going to say this once."

I focused all of my attention on her and put all of the determination and strength I had behind my thoughts. She froze, almost mesmerized by my intensity. The look in my eyes was serious.

"Stay the hell away from me and mine. You're outgunned and outclassed, and you won't get fed here. EVER. You had two shots at me. You won, then you lost. Now it's over. There's enough misery in the world for you to feed on. Go find a banquet somewhere else."

She snorted. "Why should I listen to you, infant?"

"Because if you keep on coming after us, I will kill you." She felt my resolve in my mind. She knew this was no idle threat, and her eyes widened. "It might take a lot of time and research to find a way, but I'm no idiot. I've talked to the Arbiters. I know humans can wield magic. And since you gave me forty more years of life to work with, it would be my pleasure to spend them figuring out a way to make you die."

I realized suddenly that I would dedicate my life to seeing her dead, if I had to. And at that realization, words began to pop into my head, and I smiled. "It might take a few years to find a copy, but I could start with Ostragon's 'Hunting the Demonic,' or perhaps Matsumoto's 'Quelling the Demon Hoard.' Both good choices for a demon assassin just starting out." I felt a glimmer of fear come from the demon, and I tried to keep my amazement to myself by smiling wider as more thoughts appeared. "Of course, come to think of it, I bet many human mages have beaten your kind in the past. Perhaps I could find a mentor to help me along. After all, my cause is just. Or WILL be, if you don't leave me and mine alone forever. Starting now."

"This is my last bargain with you, bitch. Leave now, never come back, and I leave you alone. Stay and you die." I felt my eyes flash, and felt her shock as a wave of energy rolled over her. "Make your choice. NOW!"

I saw and felt her terror solidify into an almost tangible force. When she saw the determination in my head, she -- and I -- knew that she was beaten.

With a scream that shook the room and my soul, she rose from the mobile and exploded in a burst of light that soared up and through the ceiling, leaving no trace. The echo of her scream reverberated in my mind as I felt her leave, and suddenly, all was quiet.

###

I was feeling zen-like. Placid and unruffled, like a cool lake on a windless day. The anger and frustration I had felt earlier in the day was completely gone, replaced with what felt like an endless calm, tinged with satisfaction. I don't know where all of that came from -- the reference works, that burst of power -- but I had beaten her, finally. She wouldn't be back. I could feel it.

And I meant what I said to her, all of it. I had to accept my status and move on to defeat her. And truthfully, I didn't really mind just being Becca. I knew I would grow out of it eventually. I still had my family, and they were happy again. Best of all, they all loved Becca deeply, as they loved each other. As they had loved Jack.

Suddenly I realized that I had wet myself without even realizing it, and I sighed. I'm not going to get Carolyn up to change me, I thought, so I'll have to lie in it for the rest of the night. Not that big a deal, and probably something I'll get used to, in time.

But there was still that loose end, and I started wondering. Where did that flash of power come from? And those words -- the ones I threw at her toward the end to fuel her fear? I knew I had never heard of those books before, or even thought about how human mages could defeat her kind. I'd only just found out about the existence of human magic users that very morning, from ...

... the Arbiters.

I smiled and kicked my feet.

From the bottom of a pile of stuffed animals in the corner of my crib came a muffled female voice. "Well reasoned, Jack!"

I smiled. "It's Becca now, and thank you," I thought at her.

"You're welcome," she replied with a smile I could hear but not see as she pushed herself out from under the other toys. The bear that emerged was very feminine, lavender with long lashes, a cute pink bow around her neck, and a little ruffled skirt around her waist.

"A pleasure to meet you, Becca," she said, fluffing her skirt. The voice was decidedly female, but the speech rhythms and word choices were clearly those of the bear I had met this morning. "You had her beaten. She just needed an extra push to run. I was happy to see you figured out how to defeat her."

I shrugged -- hard to do lying down, but worth it. "Suddenly I realized it wasn't torture to be loved by the people I loved, and that treating it that way was giving her exactly what she wanted. I had to truly surrender to Jack's death and embrace Becca. I had to become what I fought against becoming. Once I did, she held no power over me. In giving up my life as Jack, I found ... victory."

The bear nodded, and sat beside me. "Not many could do that -- find victory in accepting defeat. As William Booth once said, 'the greatness of a man's power is the measure of his surrender.' Congratulations."

We were silent for a time, me on my back, her sitting beside me. As I lay there, I remembered something else from that morning.

"Earlier today, you said you might be able to help me," I thought, "before you were ... called away." Then I paused. "What DID call you away?"

The bear shook her head and looked at me. "What the Other did, to your ... mother, actually. Not strictly against the rules at the time, but extremely bad form. Personal demonic involvement with a particular family over time upsets the balance of chance and history. Tampers with free will and causality. She lost ... and won ... but she couldn't let it go. She knew the Universe frowned upon vendettas, but accepted its displeasure knowing she was within her rights, within the rules." Her voice trembled with suppressed anger. "It infuriated the Arbiters. We spent the time since I left you arguing amongst ourselves, considering how much interference with the activities of the Others the Universe would countenance, and presenting a proposal to the Omnipresence. It was accepted."

"Now we want to offer you the help we promised."

I felt a chill and turned on my side to face the bear. "I'm listening."

The bear looked at me, and her gaze was as serious as you could get from a cute face with button eyes and a stitched-on smile. "As I told you earlier, we cannot change you back. You cannot become Jack again. To do so would invalidate her bargain without just cause."

I waved my hand. "As I said before, I've already let go of my life as Jack. Tell me what you can do for Becca."

"We can strike a new bargain that preserves the essense of what she did to you without violating the previous agreement. Do you see?"

"Honestly, no," I thought. "But I'll take your word for it. It's your business, not mine."

The bear hesitated, and I caught a hint of something hidden. I looked at her critically, and she paused, then nodded.

"You are very perceptive, Mister ... Miss Barnes. And it's true. Our gift doesn't come without a price."

"Then it's hardly a gift, is it, Arbiter?"

Her button eyes flashed. "We could have just left you and your family to your fate, Becca. We chose not to, because you have earned our respect. But the truth is, we can't just 'give' anything to you. There really IS 'no such thing as a free lunch.' It happens to be one of the guiding principles of this universe. There is an echo of it in your laws of physics, particularly the one that states matter can neither be created nor destroyed. You can't get something for nothing."

"But you altered my voice before without even asking me, let alone haggling."

She heaved a tremendous sigh. "We were able to alter your voice without striking a bargain because as Arbiters, we are allowed to make small changes in transformed individuals to help us communicate more effectively. It makes it easier to reach an understanding in the course of our own deliberations. But it is beyond even our power to give you something as large as what we want to give you without 'haggling," as you call it -- even if we wanted to."

I thought about it for a while, and she let me. I sensed the time passing, but the Arbiter didn't seem in any particular hurry. Finally, I nodded.

"Okay, it makes sense. So what do you have to offer?"

"We can twist the fabric of space-time in your favor, to free you from this prison of infant flesh. We can make you older, add as many years as you wish ... to a point. And we can change other things to help you become part of this reality again, in an older form."

"So basically, you're offering me a life where I have some control again, given the constraints of the existing bargains." The bear nodded. "And in return, you want... what, exactly?"

There was a long pause, and the bear looked right into my eyes.

"We want to offer you a job," she said calmly, "which would make our business your business, unless I'm very much mistaken."

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"Yes, I am my brother's keeper. I am under a moral obligation
to him that is inspired, not by any maudlin sentimentality, but
by the higher duty I owe myself." -- Eugene V. Debs
 
 

"A job?" I was surprised to say the least. "What sort of job?"

"One well-suited to your talents and intelligence," the lavender bear said, sitting primly and spreading her skirt out around her stubby legs. "As amply demonstrated in the events of the last few days, you're smart. You think quickly, and think well under pressure. You also see things differently, finding solutions where others might not."

I wriggled around, trying to sit up, but the sleep sack kept making it impossible to put my legs where they needed to be. Finally I stopped struggling and rolled over to face the Arbiter.

"You are very resilient, and can adjust to new and unusual circumstances without difficulty," she continued. "You bend, where others would break. And most important, you have a clear understanding of right and wrong, and a sense of honor that will make you sacrifice your own needs if necessary to protect those you choose to protect."

"That's all your assessment, not mine," I thought with a smile. "But you're the ones who want me, and it's not my job to convince you that you're wrong."

The bear flashed me a stitched-on smile. "We aren't wrong. This position we wish to offer you is something unprecedented. To petition the Omnipresence for an opening like this is unheard of in the history of … well, history. And our offer comes after an extensive examination of your own personal timeline. Rest assured, we would not offer you this position if we were not absolutely certain you were the right person for the job."

"Which beings me back to my first question. What IS the job?"

"We require a … well, I suppose the word is troubleshooter. Someone who can go into situations where people are being abused by magic and … fix things. The official title is 'Advocate.' Someone who stands up for those who are powerless." The bear smiled again.

"I wouldn't be standing for long. In case you haven't noticed, I'm powerless, too."

"That would have to change," she said curtly. "Your current state has nothing to do with your innate ability. In fact, you are the perfect candidate for training. You will have to become a mage."

I felt a chill, but it was more than just me. It seemed like the bear's last statement changed the very air around us. The light in the room shifted as if a cloud moved across the sun, but it was still night. The bear saw me notice everything, and nodded approval.

"You are very sensitive, Becca," she said. "The Universe fears and mistrusts human magic users, and with good reason. The fact that you have been offered this opportunity should convince you of how unique you are."

I looked hard at the bear, hearing what she hadn't said. "Why does the universe have good reason to fear humans who wield magic?"

The bear sighed. "Because the 'free lunch rule' does not apply. Humans have unlimited direct access to magical energies, with no bargaining required."

"Why?"

"Why?" She looked startled, as if the question had never been asked before. Then again, maybe it hadn't. She shrugged. "No one knows for sure. Perhaps because your very existence is a direct slap in the face to the second law of thermodynamics. After all, human life moves from chaos to order, at least for a time." She shook her head. "For whatever reason, the normal rules of magic do not apply to your people."

"And that ability alone is a threat?"

The bear nodded. "Oh, yes. Too many human mages in the past have used this unlimited access to gain power and wealth. Some enslave their fellow humans, and all of them eventually upset the balance between chaos and order -- between chance and history. Normally, the power is too much for any human to wield without becoming corrupted by it."

I nodded. "But you think I'm different."

"We know you're different. The only question in the mind of the Omnipresence is whether that difference will be enough to protect you -- and the rest of us -- from the temptation such power holds."

"It holds no temptation for me."

"You haven't experienced it yet." She shook her head. "It's easy to deny yourself the forbidden fruit when you have no idea how good it tastes. We're hoping your sense of honor and justice will keep the lure of power at bay. And apparently the Omnipresent has enough faith in you to allow us to make the offer."

I thought about it some. "Are there any human magic users out there now?"

The bear played with the ruffle on her skirt. "Oh yes. None of them are full mages, however. Most of what they do is small against the backdrop of a universe full of magic. But part of your new position would be protecting innocent humans against their abuses."

"Sounds like a full plate," I mused. "When do I get a life?"

"You will not be alone. You will have help," the bear said decisively. "First to train you, then to assist with your duties." She reached a stubby paw over and touched my hand. "This is not a punishment, Becca. This is a commitment, and an important one. But you will have time to be the girl, and the woman, you have always wanted to be. This I promise."

"And what if this commitment is wrong for me?" I asked. "What if I try to be the best Advocate I can be, and fail? What then?"

"Then you stay as the Becca you will become, if you choose to accept. No tricks, no games. That is not our way. Arbiters are champions of fair play. You know that. There really is no obligation. You may cancel at any time and owe … OWE … nothing." She gave a small sigh, then looked at me seriously. "This position … it's something you have to want to do, Becca. Becoming a mage is not an easy thing. To become as powerful as you must be, to be the Advocate, is harder still. If you choose to try, we know you will give the job everything you have, and then some. But you have to choose."

"You MUST choose."

###

I thought about the Arbiter's offer for several days. Or rather, I tried very hard not to think about it, and failed more often than I succeeded.

The midnight session with the Other and the Arbiter had worn me out. I half-woke in the morning while Emma changed and dressed me, then Carolyn fed me. I napped in the car all the way to daycare. While I tried to preserve my thoughtless state from being crushed under the weight of the decision I needed to make, I worked hard at being the best baby in the world for all my caregivers. I ate whatever they provided without complaint, usually waited patiently to be changed, and smiled happily at whatever attention anyone gave me. I did this for several days, and both Carolyn and Gina agreed that I had been unusually well-behaved and oddly quiet. They worried I might possibly be coming down with something.

The truth was much simpler. I was actually enjoying being baby Becca for a while, because I could escape from the more grown-up part of me -- the one who longed for resolution.

On the one hand, I could just say no and get on to the business of growing up. Being baby Becca would be easy. All I would have to do is just lie back and let others take care of me. First, be a baby girl, then work on the little girl part, and eventually I'd wind up a teenager. You might think it would be the lazy way out, but I knew it would be much harder on me in the long haul. I would have to be alert all the time, playing "let's pretend" for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for years and years and years. I would have to pretend to learn things all over again, to smile and be entertained by baby dolls and ballet lessons and sleepovers with other little girls. In short, I'd have to lie for over a decade until I reached a stage where I could finally be myself, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. It would be a long-term exercise in deceit, and I had never been much of a fan of lies -- even though I spent much of my life pre-Becca lying by omission about my transgendered state. Still, from a practical standpoint, it was probably the right thing to do for me. Growing up as Becca the long way would give me a lot of the experiences I would need later. Many of the things I would do as a little girl would provide some context for my new life as a woman.

But being Becca for another decade or so would also put an unfair burden on Carolyn and the children. Daycare costs alone would probably chew up a lot of her income, making it harder to make ends meet, let alone send Emma and Jeremy to college. It would eat at my pride to indulge in taking the scenic route to womanhood while she and the children had to struggle just to get by. It would make me feel ashamed for shifting the responsibility that was mine as Jack onto them. If I just became … older, it would create less of a problem for all of them, but would raise the weight on my own shoulders considerably.

Because to be older, I would have to accept the Arbiter's commission and become their Advocate.

###

On the third day after the midnight meeting and job offer, I spent a big chunk of the afternoon in the center of the play area at the daycare center, behind an avoidance spell. When the Arbiter had sensed I wanted to talk, he returned to the big stuffed bear to visit with me and answer any questions I might have. He also returned my squeaky little Smurfette voice for the duration of our negotiations, a kindness for which I thanked him most politely. Not that I enjoyed sounding so damned cute, but mind talking involved intense concentration on my part and made me tire easily if I had to do it for a long period of time.

What I thought it came down to for me was a simple question. Did I really want to be a superhero? The whole Spider-man axiom kept popping into my head. "With great power comes great responsibility." But my dilemma was sort of the flip side of Peter Parker's problem. By accepting a great responsibility, I would have to become a great power -- the first Universe-sanctioned human mage. Also, being the Advocate would be like being a gunfighter or a police officer. I would become a target for any magical being who might want to take me on. And apparently, there were thousands of different types of magical creatures, each with its own quirks and eccentricities, and I would have to learn them all along with magical counter moves.

The Arbiter assured me it was not as daunting as it sounded.

"We will provide all of the information you need," he said, his voice once again the rumble I remembered from our last daycare visit. "We will place it all into your mind when we age you. You won't have to memorize anything. But to turn that information into useful knowledge, you will need experience and training. There will be teachers, carefully woven into your daily life as Becca, who will help you to master the skills you need."

"If I choose to grow up slowly, I won't be much use to you as an Advocate for years."

The bear nodded. "This is true. We would have to wait for you to reach an age where you would be less defenseless and command more respect, and where your body would be strong enough to withstand the rigors of training. And we would have to protect you and your family for more than a decade from those who would see you dead before you could assume your new post. However, if you choose to become a teenager directly, we could begin your training almost immediately."

"It makes sense to me," I said slowly. "I would dearly love to miss out on the whole potty-training and finger-painting segment of the growing up thing. But if I agree to grow up as far as you can take me in a single jump, I will lose things I need. I'll miss out on what it means to grow up as a girl. And I won't develop the social skills and attitudes needed to just jump into being a teenager."

The bear looked down for a moment, then raised his eyes and looked into mine. "We have given that possibility much thought, and there are ways around both the lack of experience and the need to fit in as a teen," he replied. "If you choose to become a teenager, you will be gifted with an innate understanding of who the older Becca is and how she fits into the landscape of her time and place. Think of it as a personality overlay. It will give you access to her responses, skills, and feelings that you wouldn't ordinarily have, making it easier for you to fit in. Eventually, that overlay will become part of who you are -- merge with the ego that is still very much Jack."

"Will I still be … me?"

The bear smiled. "Very much so. You will never lose Jack. After all, you spent far more time as Jack than you have as Becca. And your soul is your own. It always has been, through all of this. That won't change. This overlay process will just give you the ability to … 'hit the ground running,' I believe the expression is. It will allow the Jack inside you to slowly become the Becca you've always wanted to be, without losing those things about Jack you and we wish to preserve."

As I thought about it, I suddenly realized my thumb had crept into my mouth and I had been sucking it absently. I quickly removed it, even though the actual sucking part had a definite calming effect. "And the experiences I'll miss?"

"We can send them to you as vivid dreams. You'll experience everything as if you're actually living them, as both the Becca you are inside and as the Becca you would have been had you been born the way you are now." The bear looked at me, and I could see him weighing something in his mind. Then he spoke.

"This is not what bothers you, truly. I feel a deep sadness in you that you won't confront, but can't dismiss. Something that makes you want to find ways to refuse what we offer. Why does this decision bother you so much? What's wrong, child?"

For a while, I said nothing. Then I avoided his eyes, and spoke to a small stuffed duck near my right foot.

"The truth is, I'm wrong. The wrong choice for the job. I don't deserve this," I whispered. "Not any of it. I wanted to be a woman for so long. Almost every day of my life, it lurked there in the back of my mind, this need. Even in my happiest moments as Jack, it would rise up and taunt me, taking the pleasure out of everything." I reached down and plucked at my play dress. "Well, I finally got my femininity, didn't I? I got my wish, in the end. But I made so many stupid mistakes getting what I wanted that my family wound up fatherless, and I wound up in diapers."

I looked right at the Arbiter, and tears filled my eyes. "You all seem to think I'm the perfect choice for your 'Advocate,' but none of you seems to remember that it was my stupidity that got me involved with the Other in the first place. Maybe I did better than most out-thinking her, but I caused the problems in the first place! I should never have even talked to her. I knew how much it would hurt everyone I loved if I took her up on the offer, and I knew I should just walk away. Instead, I let the need have its way. I gave in to my own weakness, and I hurt myself, and my family. Now you want to put me in a position of authority, so I can screw up the lives of total strangers? And on top of that, you want to give me the kind of raw power that can REALLY cause some damage when I make another mistake! What makes any of you think I can DO this?"

I sat there and cried, and the Arbiter watched me. He let me sob and waited for me to stop. And when I finally wound down, exhausted, he put a well-worn paw on my arm and lifted my chin with the other.

"You can be the Advocate precisely because of the mistakes you've made," he rumbled from the depths of his furry chest. "You weren't a bad or evil person. You just wanted something so much, and you always believed it was forever out of reach. You were played, that's all. Anyone can be played, if someone knows what they really want, deep inside. How do you think the Others survive?" I looked away, and he moved closer and put both arms around me.

"Despite what you think, or feel, or believe, this experience has not been all bad," he whispered in my ear. "You have bested one of the Others and made them all cautious, and less prone to cause grief instead of harvesting what is already out there. Your family has lost Jack, true, but they also gained Becca and a closeness that only comes by overcoming a loss."

The bear pulled back and looked me in the eye. "And you have learned things that make you the perfect defender for those threatened by magical attack. You know how dangerous magic is, and how easily even the smartest can be fooled. You understand the needs of both predator and prey. And you know the cost of magical power misused firsthand. You won't forget that your first duty is to protect the innocent, because you're all that stands between them and a living hell on Earth."

He wrapped his stubby arms around me again and just held me.

"You can do this, Becca. You won't be alone. We want you to succeed. And we want you to be happy. Just say yes."

I couldn't trust myself to speak, so I nodded. I could feel him smile.

"Good. We'll do it tonight, then."

###

Just before I opened my eyes, I woke up.

You may think this is an example of stating the obvious, but maybe I'm not making myself clear. When I say I woke up, I mean I became aware of all of the millions of tiny things that make up a person's world. They all hit my senses at once.

And they were all radically different from the signals I had received when I had closed my eyes the night before.

First, there was a sense of bigness. From last night's stubby arms and legs and compact body, I had become … long. And thin, everywhere, except for a warm softness at hip and chest level that felt different, but not wrong. I felt one breast pressed into the bed, half-compressed under me, but I didn't move. Not yet.

I was laying on my side, with my legs drawn up and one hip slightly cocked to accommodate the curve of hip opposing my narrow waist. Again, not wrong, but definitely different. And the feeling of nothing between my legs as gravity pressed them together was just … right.

And I had hair. LOTS of hair. Instead of the wispy cap of soft curly red that covered my head yesterday, I could feel a mane curling around my neck and shoulders, spread out across the pillow and partly covering my face. A few strands were stuck between my lips, as I discovered when my smile began. It was a grin that bubbled up from the bottom of my soul -- a happiness that had finally escaped being trapped under the weight of the thousands of disappointed mornings that had come before.

You have to understand what this meant to me. How it felt. For forty some-odd years, I'd woken up every day knowing I was in the wrong body. I'd go to bed, and the last thing that went through my mind every night before I drifted off was a simple prayer.

"Please, God. Let me wake up in the morning as the woman I was supposed to be."

Then I'd wake up, and Jack would still be waiting in the bathroom mirror. He would stare back at me with a slightly sad expression, the night's stubble waiting to be tackled with Gillette's latest morning machete, and I'd sigh and get on with it. Over time, I learned to adjust, even found some measure of happiness with wife and family, but I'd never stopped hoping that, just once, God would hear me and make it so.

Oh, I knew it would never happen. Logically, rationally, I knew. But the hope was still there, that I would one day be whole. Lurking under my suit as I met with clients. Hiding beneath my sweats when I played catch with Jeremy. Even when I made love with Carolyn, I always wondered how it would feel to BE her -- to be loved by a man, yielding to his touch, melting in his arms.

Now, suddenly, I woke up, and I knew, I KNEW I was right where I belonged, in a body that finally fit, and I was so happy I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and wetting the pillow.

Part of me didn't want the moment to end, but just then the clock radio went off. It took me a minute to realize that the song it was playing was by Counting Crows, "I Wish I Was A Girl," and when I did, I laughed out loud, breaking the spell. It was a big laugh, but definitely female, and I pulled back the covers and sat up, swinging my legs out over the edge of the bed. I watched the cooler air raise a few goose bumps on my exposed and definitely hairless calves, and my eyes traveled down to my feet (so tiny!) and the coral polish on every toenail.

I pulled those stray strands of hair from my mouth. When my fingers brushed the rest of my hair, I laughed again, and shook my head just to feel it slide over my shoulders. The shaking made my breasts shift underneath the nightgown, and my nipples rubbed slightly against the soft fabric. Not an explosion of pleasure, not anything close. Just a little … spark, a hint of something more. Another confirmation of the me that was me, now.

I slid out of bed, standing easily on those tiny feet at the ends of those long legs. My bottom added a bit of bounce to the bouncing of my breasts, and I waited a short second for all of me to settle. I held up my arms in front of me, thin and hairless, and stretched out my fingers. The nails were longer than I used to keep them as Jack but not excessively so, and painted the same shade of coral as my toenails. I could barely make out the tips of my toes past my chest, but I didn't need to see them to use them, and I twirled happily in place with another laugh.

"Well, somebody woke up happy today."

I stopped, facing the door. Carolyn was looking in with a warm smile.

"Morning, Mom," I chirped, smiling, hands behind my back.

"Morning, Becca," she replied. "Sleep well? No, wait. Stupid question. I wish I felt that good waking up." I nodded, still smiling. "Just remember, it's a school day. Plenty of time tomorrow morning to dance around in your nightgown, 'kay?"

"'Kay, Mom." She pulled her head back, but I rushed over to the door. "Mom?"

Carolyn stopped, and turned towards me. "Yes, baby?"

I wrapped my arms around her in a big hug, eyes scrunched tight. "Love you," I whispered. I felt her sigh, my chest against hers, and her arms came up to hug me back. "Love you too, Becca." She squeezed and let me loose.

"Where did that come from?" she asked tentatively, looking me in the eye. I took a step back and tapped myself once in the middle of my chest.

"Right here," I answered, smiled again, and twirled back into my room.

"Teenagers," I heard her mutter as she walked down the hall.

That's me, I thought happily. Just another teenager. Thirteen makes me a teen, and thirteen I am. Teen, teen, teen. I stopped and waited again for various body parts to realize the rest of me wasn't moving.

This was exactly how I wanted to wake up. The Arbiter told me that, since the last age jump the Other put me through was from my first period back to babyhood, I could theoretically advance my age to anywhere from what was at the time my current age of six months to immediately before my first menses and still be within the boundaries of my agreement with her. I almost told the Arbiter yes -- after all, I wanted to be as old as possible, as quick as possible. Then I realized that this would mean my first day as a girl would be full of cramps and aches and mood swings and blood, so I wisely decided to roll back my new age to several weeks prior to my first period to give me a chance to adjust. And hopefully to have some fun before getting my face rubbed in the downside of being a woman. Again.

I twirled again. Not for a few weeks, Becca, I sang in my head, and my spinning put me in front of the full-length mirror on the closet door. I had that "just woke up" look going for me, with my hair tousled, my face puffy, and my green eyes just a little squinty. The sky blue nightgown fell to mid-thigh, and on its chest just above my breasts was the words, "chicks rule." Underneath the words was a tiny cartoon of a baby chick, wearing part of its egg as a hat. I smiled, then reached over to the door and eased it closed. I didn't want an audience.

I reached down and pulled the nightgown up and over my head. It caught slightly on my chest on the way up, but the small bounce as my breasts settled down afterwards actually felt nice. Heck, everything felt nice. I knew I would get used to it all eventually, living as Becca day after day, but I hoped I would never take it for granted. It's good to be reminded how precious it is to be who you are, and who you want to be. I wanted to hang onto everything that reminded me of the girl I had become.

A small voice in the back of my head whispered, "you don't deserve it," but I did my best to ignore it. This was me, now. I was about to take on a job that would require all of my energies and dedication. If anyone deserved to have her dream delivered with a pretty red bow as payment, it was me.

At least, that's what I kept telling myself.

As I draped the nightgown over the back of my desk chair, I glanced in the mirror at the young girl in the plain gray bikini-cut panties. I slipped the underwear over my hips and let it slide down my legs to the floor, then bent at the knees and picked it up to put in the hamper. I watched the girl in the mirror follow suit, the smile never leaving her eyes. My breasts rested on my knees just for a second, then swayed slightly as I rose. My eyes flickered down to see the small mount of reddish-copper hair between my legs, and my hand moved an inch or two towards it, just to feel what I knew was there beneath it. I willed it to stop, and shook my head. You don't need to touch it, Becca, I said to myself. It's been there since you were born. It's part of who you are, now. I smiled, slipped my bathrobe on and headed for the bathroom.

Same old kid's bathroom, I thought as I closed the door. Stuff scattered around the sink, towels hung askew. I turned on the shower and tucked the curtain in around the bottom of the tub, then brushed my teeth with the brush I knew was mine. Then I went to use the toilet -- a new experience in this body, but a welcome one, considering my recent escape from several years worth of diapers. I had to touch myself there, then, and felt the strangeness beneath my fingers that wasn't really strange, just different. The Becca template in my head warred briefly with the remnants of Jack, then settled down and accepted the here and now. I shivered.

I couldn't afford to get my hair wet this morning, so I put it up in a bun before getting in the tub and kept my head well away from the shower's spray. Just a fast wash and rinse today, or I'd keep Emma or Jeremy from getting ready in time. I soaped up quickly, then started rinsing.

Sure enough, there was a knock.

"A shower, Becca?" Jeremy's voice was plaintive. "Oh, come on!"

"I'm almost done, Jer!" I shouted back over the water. "Only be a minute!"

I turned the water off and reached for my towel, then stepped out onto the bath mat and starting drying myself.

"Becca," he yelled, "I need to GO!"

"OH! Sorry!" I wrapped the towel around me, snatched my robe off the hook on the back of the door, and ran across the hall to my room as Jeremy slipped past me. I heard a muffled "thanks" before the bathroom door slammed, and I closed the door to my bedroom to finish drying myself. After I was dry enough, I let the towel slide to the floor and walked over to the dresser. I applied lavender-scented body powder from neck to calves, then opened the top drawer and started digging through bras and panties for something special to wear.

###

Fiifteen minutes later, I danced into the kitchen. Jeremy was sitting at the table, eating cereal, but the spoon froze halfway to his mouth when he caught sight of me. Emma was making her lunch, and when her eyes rose from the sandwich she was making, she looked at me and smiled.

"Well, look at you!" she said. "Way too pretty for the eighth grade, Becca!" I laughed and did a twirl, causing my skirt to flare slightly. I was wearing a scoop neck pale green tee shirt with a thin white button-down blouse over it, open. The blouse ended just above my hips. On the bottom I wore a short dark green skirt that fell just above mid-thigh, in a very light fabric with several layers of ruffles. On my feet were white sneakers with gray trim over white socks. My hair was back in a loose ponytail held with a dark green scrunchy, and I wore just a touch of eyeshadow and lip gloss.

After I completed my twirl, I curtseyed at Emma. "Thank you, Em!" She wore a purple tee with a pair of worn blue jeans and dark blue sneakers, and her hair was loose around her shoulders.

"You're going to make me look bad, sis," Em growled slightly, still smiling. She went back to her sandwich. "Mom's going to want me to start dressing all girly too."

"And what's wrong with that?" Carolyn asked, surprising both of us as she glided into the kitchen in her work wear. "In case you haven't noticed, Emma, you are a girl. Might be nice for you to go through the motions once in a while." She turned and saw me. "Oh my, Becca! Very nice, hon."

I threw a curtsey at her with a smile. "Thanks, Mom!"

"Do you have your kit for dance class and for tae kwon do ready?" I looked over by the door. A lavender sports bag sat by what I knew to be my backpack, so I turned back to her and nodded. "Good!"

I grabbed a banana from the bunch on the counter and started peeling. Jeremy kept staring at me, cereal dripping from the end of his spoon.

"Earth to Jeremy." I took a bite of my banana and spoke around the mouthful. "You're dripping, Jer."

He put the spoon down. "What are you all dressed up for?"

I smiled and swallowed. "Because I can, dufus. I just wanted to feel beautiful today."

"Well, you look good," he said, and blushed. "How do you feel?"

I cocked my head to one side as I finished the banana. Then I put the peel on top of his head

"Just right," I replied and giggled.

He started to get up to chase me, and Mom took the peel off his head and pushed him back in his seat gently. "Jeremy, finish breakfast. Becca, make a lunch. Everybody get moving, because it's almost time to leave!" She glided out of the room with a purposeful stride, dropping the peel in the kitchen trash. God, I loved it when she took charge, back when she was my wife. It was pretty impressive from my Mom, too. I sighed.

As I threw a yogurt and plastic spoon in a bag with an apple and a granola bar, Emma sidled over and spoke softly. "You all dressed up for Tommy?"

I gave her a sideways look. "Nope. I'm all dressed up for me." Then memories of Tommy flashed through my head -- and my body -- and I shivered with the sensations they created. Then I smiled at her. "Of course, if Tommy likes it too, that will definitely be a plus."

"I bet," Emma smiled back, then she grew quiet. "Be careful, sis. I've seen how you look at him, and I know how he makes you feel. But in the end, he's just a guy. And he'll hurt you without even realizing it if you give him too much room in your heart."

I shook my head. "You don't know him." More memories of hugs, kisses, casual touches, soft words came bubbling up inside. "He's … special."

"Maybe, but he's still a guy," she whispered as Mom came back into the kitchen. "Just be careful, 'kay?" I nodded and gave her a quick one-armed hug.

"Out, everybody," she announced, clapping her hands. "Remember, bus drivers wait for no one, so leave now before they leave you." Shaking his head, Jeremy got up and rinsed his bowl in the sink, I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and shoved it and my lunch into my backpack as I headed for the door. I snagged my shoulder bag from the doorknob of the hall closet on the way, and slipped the sports bag and backpack over the other shoulder.

"Bye, guys!" I called. "Love you!"

"Bye, Becca! Love you too!"

And as I slipped out the door, I realized that they really did. We all did. And I smiled.

It was going to be a good day.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"After all, a girl is -- well, a girl. It's nice to be
told you're successful at it." -- Rita Hayworth
 
 

As soon as I'd gone halfway down the walk to the street, I knew I'd made a terrible mistake.

It was October. It was cold. And I was dressed for a lovely day in spring.

When I had gotten dressed this morning, I wasn't thinking about practical things, like the weather. Practicality was the furthest thing from my mind. I had just begun my new life as a teenaged girl. I wanted to be pretty, and wear pretty things. I wanted to jump feet first into the ocean of femininity and swim for the farthest horizon I could reach.

But by the time I'd reached the street and started walking towards the bus stop, I realized maybe I should have waded in slowly, just to get used to it.

Goosebumps rose on my bare arms and legs. The light breeze that drifted through the October morning pushed the chill air up under my ruffled skirt where the thin cotton panty offered no insulation at all. And my nipples swelled up hard and round, easily seen through my light bra and tee-shirt combined, and not at all hidden by the thin white blouse over them both.

I shivered a little as Jeremy reached the street behind me.

"Cold, sis?" he said, carefully NOT looking at my chest. I shivered, hugged myself tight and nodded. "Could go back in and get a sweater, or maybe a hoodie?"

I looked at my watch, a tiny thing on my left wrist. "No time, Jer," I replied. "Bus is going to be here any minute."

Jeremy gave me a look. "I'll go grab something for you," he said, turning to head back to the house.

"No!" I grabbed for his arm, but he dodged away. "Jeremy! You'll miss the bus!"

"Not if you stall him for me," he called back over his shoulder, halfway up the walk.

"How am I supposed to do that?" I shouted, but by then he was in the door. I sighed and kept walking towards the bus stop. The movement warmed me some, but the goosebumps remained, and my nipples refused to relax their vigilance, even for an instant. By the time I reached the bus stop, I saw everyone else dressed in jeans and hooded sweatshirts, or denim jackets, and I felt a little silly. When they saw me, the girls spoke quietly among themselves, and the boys stared in a way I found slightly disturbing. As I came closer, I saw my friend Amy staring at me.

"My GOD, girl, do you want to get sick?" She was sensibly dressed in jeans and a long sleeved tee with a flannel shirt on over it, unbuttoned. I shivered again, and envied her. She wrapped her arms around me, and I shivered again. "What were you thinking?"

"I … I … wasn't," I said softly, my teeth chattering.

"Apparently not," she agreed, and rubbed my back. "I'd give you my shirt, but then I'd be freezing, too."

"Jeremy went back to get me something warm."

"Good! I knew that boy would be good for something eventually."

I laughed. Amy hugged me tighter, and her chest pressed into mine. It was weird and not-so-weird at the same time, but the overwhelming feelings that flooded through me were love and friendship. Amy and I had been friends since she moved into the neighborhood when we were both seven. Well, Amy and Becca. I sighed. You ARE Becca, I growled at myself. We told each other everything, and spent way too much time together -- not that either of us complained.

I felt warmer in Amy's arms, and the shivering slowly stopped. When I breathed in, I noticed her long dark blonde hair smelled like almonds and strawberries. It was curly and somewhat tousled, framing a face that was just a shade too thin to be classically beautiful but nevertheless managed to be. Her green eyes were a shade brighter than mine, and her mouth wider, but none of it really mattered to me. She was my best friend, and always would be.

"Whoa! Serious girl-on-girl action!" The voice was snide and sarcastic, and definitely male. Amy rolled her eyes.

"Go away, Hunter." Amy's voice held a mixture of scorn and disgust. I turned my head. Hunter was short, dressed in a Rob Zombie tee shirt with a flannel shirt over it, jeans that slipped down to expose dingy gray boxers, and boots only a drill sergeant could love. His hair was long and greasy, mostly hidden under a baseball cap worn sideways, and through the smirk on his face, I could see yellowing teeth that hadn't had a visit from a toothbrush in some time.

What really freaked me out, though, was the black aura that seemed to surround him, like a lazy shadow that wouldn't quite keep up. It felt wrong, almost evil. I was sure no one else could see it -- probably part of my abilities as the Advocate. But I couldn't tell what it was. Was it riding him somehow, like some malevolent spirit? Or was it something his attitude generated? Was it demonic, or do all jerks wear ill-fitting shadows?

"Leave? Not likely, Simmons," he said, smiling. "I'd have to pay good money to see this on the Net. Here I can get it for free." He lowered his voice and leered. "Why don't you French her, Barnes? You know you want to."

Angry, I pushed away from Amy and turned to face Hunter. "You heard Amy," I snapped. "Go away. Be somewhere else."

He took a step back, hands up in mock surrender, and his eyes went right to my chest. "WOW! Are there marbles in your bra, or are you just happy to see me?" Some of the other boys at the bus stop laughed. Instinctively, I clutched at the blouse and pulled it shut over my tee shirt. Hunter grinned. "Or maybe it's Ay-mee you happy to see?"

Amy snapped at him. "It's COLD, asshole. That's what happens to girls sometimes when it's cold. Not that you'd know, since girls tend to stay far away from you. Far, FAR away. Your breath -- and your attitude -- probably have something to do with that!"

Hunter smiled at her, a lazy grin like he couldn't care less what she said. He turned his eyes back to me, and they drifted downward.

"I wonder if other girl parts get bigger when it's cold," he said mockingly. "Let's find out." The darkness around him seemed to grow as he reached for the hem of my skirt. At that point, I realized I was going to have to hurt him to make him stop. I sighed, then shifted positions, planting my feet and making my arms ready. I just had to remember not to break anything, or I'd never hear the end of it from Sensei.

Another Becca memory. I had a martial arts teacher.

Just as his hand came close enough, I heard a voice come from behind him.

"Hunter," it said, and it sounded like Jeremy, only different somehow. Colder. "A moment of your time."

A hand appeared on Hunter's shoulder and yanked him away. It was Jeremy. And he was angry.

A huge thick sweater drifted into Amy's arms an instant before Jeremy spun Hunter around and slammed him face first into the stop sign on the corner. It rang softly, like a gong struck a hundred miles away. Jeremy pulled him away from the sign and tripped him as he moved backwards. Hunter wound up on his back in the wet grass,with Jeremy's foot on his chest.

"Hello, Hunter," he said with a small smile. "My father always taught me to be direct. 'If you have something to say, say it,' he told me once." Jeremy pushed down hard with his foot, and Hunter grunted. "'And if you can say it with a little … emphasis, so much the better.'"

"What you doin', man?" Hunter squealed, and tried to rise. Jeremy moved his foot up to just below Hunter's throat and pressed. Hunter immediately froze and went quiet.

"I'm talking," Jeremy said reasonably, but with an unmistakable edge to his voice. "And you're listening." Hunter stayed silent. "Now, you were being all manner of rude to my sister and her friend. That's stupid in a lot of ways. Usually, I'm here with her, and you know I don't like you. So you would have stayed away. But today … oh, today I had to go back for something. And since I was a little late, you decided to mess with her. Do you know why that was dumb?" He shook his head no. "Because you would have gotten hurt."

Hunter looked confused. Jeremy smiled. "She's dangerous, stupid. Wicked good in Tae Kwon Do. Got a red belt, which is pretty high up. And it puts you to shame, since you don't even have a belt to hold up your pants." Hunter's eyes flashed, and he looked at me. I smiled as I shrugged my way into the sweater Jeremy had brought, even though my teeth were still chattering. Hunter looked back at Jeremy.

"Now normally, I would have just let her kick your ass into next Sunday. I like to watch her fight. But since trashing you herself might have given you a look up her skirt, which is what you were after in the first place, I took it upon myself to educate you for her. This time." He bent over and looked Hunter in the eye. "Next time, though, I will just let her beat you up. Not just because she can do her own fighting, which she can. But truthfully, Hunter, Tae Kwon Do is just beautiful to watch, when you aren't on the receiving end. She's poetry in motion, slime boy. Trust me."

The bus pulled up and honked once. Jeremy stood up and took his foot off of Hunter's throat. Still, he stood over Hunter and looked down at him.

"I guess I did go on a bit, so here's the short direct version. Stay away from my sister and her friends." He waited a second, then shrugged. "You're warned. We're done. Have a nice day."

Jeremy turned and left Hunter lying there. There was scattered applause from all of the girls and a few of the boys at the stop. Hunter just lay there as people filed onto the bus, until the last person before me had climbed the stairs. As I turned to go in, he raised himself off of the ground and scurried towards the bus, snagging his backpack as he walked. I climbed the three stairs and was up inside long before Hunter reached the door. I found a seat with Amy as he reached the top of the stairs, smoothing my skirt under me as I sat, as if I'd done it a thousand times before. I could feel the cold vinyl against the back of my thighs through the skirt and in the inch or so of bare flesh between it and my knees.

There was a hush in the bus as Hunter made his way down the aisle. He slowed down a little as he passed my seat, then again as he passed Jeremy's. I ignored him, but Jeremy gave him a smile and a wave, and Hunter unconsciously increased his speed towards the back of the bus. I noticed that the aura had subsided. Either it had gone completely, or had shrunk to the point where it had retreated inside Hunter's skin. More food for thought.

"Well," Amy whispered, leaning in to my ear. "That was … interesting."

"I'll say," I responded in a soft voice. "I never realized Jeremy could be so … forceful."

"Direct, Becca dahling!" Amy smiled, settling back in the seat. "I think the word is 'direct.'" Then she giggled. "Wow! Watching Hunter squirm. What a great way to start a morning!"

I looked at her, and suddenly found myself giggling as well. It was more of a release of tension than anything else, but it was a good feeling to have a friend to laugh with. "And it's always nice to have proof the male of the species has redeeming qualities." I whispered.

Amy nodded. "Even if the male is your brother." She turned her head and eyed Jeremy across the aisle. I gave her a nudge.

"Especially because he's my brother!" I hissed, and we both broke up laughing. The object of our conversation turned his head and looked at us both, giggling like idiots.

"Girls," he breathed, and shook his head. Amy and I looked at each other and laughed again as the bus headed off towards school.

###

When the bus arrived at school, we shuffled off as we always did. The discontinuity between Jack and Becca seemed smaller every time a disruption occurred, and I decided not to dwell on it anymore. I was Becca now, and always would be. Let Jack and Becca come together at their own pace.

Once we were off the bus, I turned to Jeremy as he disembarked.

"Thanks, bro," I said softly, giving him a little hug. He smiled.

"My pleasure, sis." We started walking into the school with the rest of the students. "After all, somebody has to step on creeps like him. He makes the rest of us guys look bad."

"That's not hard to do," Amy said with a smile, and I gave her a little shove. "Hey! Be nice!" She gave me a sideways look, and turned her attention to my brother.

"Thanks, Jeremy," Amy said, holding out her hand. He gave it a quizzical look, then reached out and gave it a shake.

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," he intoned solemnly, then broke into a grin and let go of her hand. "Got to get to my locker now. Laters!"

With a small wave, Jeremy faded back into the river of teens rushing down the hall and disappeared. I wondered briefly if I was the only Barnes with a touch of magic, and shook my head with a smile.

"Hard to believe he's younger than we are," Amy mused as we walked in the other direction. "If only the boys our age were as nice as he is."

"HEY!" I said, and nudged her with my shoulder. "I do have a boyfriend, you know. And he's pretty darned nice."

"Why, thank you!" A voice beside me murmured, and I turned to find myself nearly face to face with a boy I knew instantly as Tommy. He was taller than I was by a good four inches, and as my eyes rose to meet his, his lips came down to meet mine.

A long slow wave of warmth mixed with pleasure started at my lips and rolled through me, clear down to my toes. My eyes closed automatically, and my lips parted and my arms went around him and it was all I could do not to moan. Every inch of me felt … indescribably good, as if this was the way I was supposed to feel all the time. I felt him holding me, and I swear my leg bent and my foot rose up behind me, just like in the movies.

I felt someone give my hair a yank, and the moment was broken.

"Hey! Get a room!" Amy was standing there with a smirk on her face. "Come on, you two. I can feel the heat from here." I shook my head to clear it, then buried my face in Tommy chest and laughed. I could feel him laugh too.

"OK, Amy," he said, giving me another hug before letting me go. "But next time Becca dresses like this, bring your sunscreen. You know she sets me on fire." Amy stuck a finger in her mouth and pretended to gag, then we all broke up laughing.

"Going to do him right here in the hall, Becca?"

Reba Fine and her glossy posse laughed from across the hall. Amy turned just a little to snap back something biting, but I touched her arm.

"I was thinking about it, Reba," I said innocently, with a small flutter of my eyelilds. "Not at first, because my mother brought me up better than that. But after he kissed me for a while, I started to wonder 'what would Reba do?' And then I knew I had to let him have me … in every way possible."

The other kids in the hall laughed, and Reba gave me a look that could have killed before flouncing off in a huff with her girls around her. Amy gave me a high five, and we started walking towards the lockers.

As we walked, Tommy's arm immediately snaked around my waist and pulled me to him. His hand gave my hip a squeeze, and I cuddled into him as we walked. God, this felt so right. My nipples were back at high alert, and my panties were so damp I could feel it when I walked. No wonder Emma was worried about me -- I was seriously addicted to this boy, and I-as-Jack had only just met him. I could feel Becca's love for him mixed with her desire, and from what I could tell from the way he held me and the bulge in his jeans, the feeling was VERY mutual.

I would have to watch myself with Tommy, or I'd be a parent again before I hit sophomore year in high school.

Somehow, though, keeping my distance was not what I wanted this morning. Becca wanted Tommy's arms around her again, and I did, too. I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I wanted him to make me burn again.

Oh, God, I had it bad.

We reached my locker, and Tommy let go of me. Amy came over and gave me a quick hug.

"See you at lunch, k?" I nodded, and she smiled. "And you two keep the lustage down to a dull roar, or you'll both be late for homeroom."

"Lustage?"

"Poetic license, girl!" Amy started down the hall. "I can make words up, use them any way I like. It's GOOD to be a poet!" She giggled and gave a casual wave as she wandered off. I turned my attention to the locker. The combination was right where I needed it, hovering in memory, and I opened the door easily and put my sports bag in. I pulled out a history book and slammed the locker shut, giving the knob a twirl to secure it. As I did, Tommy snuggled up close to me from behind, and I felt the hardness in his jeans pressing softly into my bottom through my skirt. I shivered.

"You cold, babe?" he breathed into one ear.

"No," I said, putting one hand over his two on my stomach and pressing back with my hips to hear him gasp. "I'm HOT. Can't you tell?"

Tommy bit my ear softly, and I shivered. I turned slowly to face him --

-- and found Mr. Hawkins, the assistant principal, giving us both a hard eye over Tommy's shoulder.

"Mr. Santino, Ms. Barnes," he snapped. "If you're finished with the floor show, you have classes to get to. I suggest you get to them."

I nodded and smiled. "Thanks for the warning, sir. Sometimes we students get … distracted." He nodded, and Tommy took a step back, holding his books over his crotch. I picked up my backpack and started walking, and Tommy just stood there a second. As Hawkins turned in the other direction, I blew Tommy a kiss, and he smiled and caught it. I buttoned my white blouse just enough to cover the bumps raising the fabric of my tee shirt, cuddled the heavy sweater over that, and headed off to class. I felt hot and sexy and flushed and wonderful.

Damn, it was good to be a girl!

###

I made it to homeroom with seconds to spare, and slid into my seat with legs together just before the bell rang. I put my bag on the floor beside me and looked around. Becca's memory identified the others in the room — acquaintances all, no friends or hostiles. As the morning announcements droned through the TV mounted high on the wall in the front of the room, I wiggled some in my chair, trying to ignore my damp panties and the small almost-itch between my legs that thinking about Tommy produced. To keep my mind off of it (and Tommy), I thought about what I'd seen during my encounter with Hunter this morning.

The darkness around him was a real, palpable presence, even though I seemed to be the only one who saw it. It was obviously part of my new role as the Advocate, although I was unsure of what it meant. Was Hunter possessed? Or was the dark aura not evil but stupidity incarnate? I closed my eyes and tried reaching for the implanted knowledge the Arbiters said would be accessible when I needed it.

Nothing.

Did that mean I didn't need it now? Or that this wasn't really my concern? I opened my eyes and tossed my hair back over my shoulders. Even though being Becca feels wonderful, and her overlay is helping me adjust, I thought, part of me really wants the training to begin. I smiled. It seemed like old goal-oriented Jack was still with me, no matter how comfortable I became as my own youngest daughter.

The bell rang, and I realized abruptly that the announcements were over and I had to move on. I rose from my seat, snagging my backpack on the way up, and glided out of the room and into the hallway.

I was very conscious of how different it felt to move, hips rolling and swaying with a little bounce up top as I navigated my way through the rushing crowds. Different, but nice. The hair brushing against my shoulders felt comforting and familiar, as did the air flowing over my bare legs. I let Becca's memories steer me towards our next class, and let my mind wander back to Tommy standing behind me, his body pressed against mine, and I smiled.

Suddenly a hand snaked under my skirt, gave my bottom a quick squeeze, then slipped out from under and disappeared.

"HEY!" I squeaked, but whoever owned the hand was gone, swallowed up by the river of people. I heard a boy's laughter and felt a flash of anger. That's my body, damn it! I stopped and turned, and the person behind me ran right into me and knocked me back. I managed to keep my feet, but several others brushed past me, and one boy deliberately put his hand on my chest, squeezed, and kept moving. I saw his other hand rise above his head to share a congratulatory slap with the boy next to him.

Angry, with tears in my eyes, I started after him, only to have a slender hand snag my elbow and pull me back out of the hall into an empty classroom. I spun around and found myself looking up into the eyes of a well-endowed blonde woman with a frown on her face. Mrs. Moore, my math teacher.

"I --"

She raised a hand. "Sssssh," she said softly. I stopped. She smiled just a little, and nodded.

"Somebody touched you out there, didn't they?" It was my turn to nod. "More than once?" I nodded again. "You can't tell me this was your first time dealing with wandering hands, Becca. Not someone as pretty as you are." I stopped, then Becca's memory rushed in and filled the blanks. I looked down and shook my head. She took my chin and raised it, and looked into my eyes.

"It's not right, I know," she whispered. "It's your body, and they shouldn't touch without permission. But you're stuck with it."

I shook my head. "No! It's —"

She reached out and touched my lips with her finger. "Listen. Those thirteen-year-old boys are still eight-year-olds in their heads. They think touching girls in places they shouldn't is a game. But thirteen-year-old girls are old enough to know better. You know what your body is for, or at least you're starting to."

Mrs. Moore sat on the edge of her desk. "It's not your fault, but it is your problem. You need to be more careful." I looked at her, confused. "You were daydreaming out there, girl. I saw you. You weren't paying attention, and they saw and took advantage. I know it's hard, but you have to watch out for them. It's like babysitting, hon. They don't know better, so you have to keep watch. If you catch them, maybe you can teach them what not to do. But if not, you need to let it go, or you'll get bitter and angry. And that's like babysitting, too. Doesn't make sense to get mad at a baby, right?" I shook my head. "Why?"

"Be … because they don't know any better."

"Good girl." She smoothed my hair down. "Now, get to class before I have to write you a pass. The halls are pretty clear now."

I picked up my backpack and headed for the door. Just as I reached it, I turned around.

"Thanks, Ms. Moore," I said softly

She nodded, and smiled. "Get going, Becca. I'll see you later in class."

###

The rest of the morning passed without incident. I waited a little while before leaving each classroom, and made sure I had a comfort zone around me wherever I walked. It was annoying to have to worry about something this stupid. But I had wanted to be a woman, and this was part of the price of admission. Always being a target for some male's random lust. I kept a close eye on the boy coming at me from across the hall, and slowed down to give him plenty of space before moving on.

I met Amy and Tommy for lunch. After being on the alert for unauthorized touching for so long, it was nice to feel Tommy's authorized hand resting gently on my hip when he wrapped his arm around me. We stayed that way most of the way through lunch, and I leaned into him and felt all warm and loved. Eventually, one of the teachers insisted we move apart, and he reluctantly withdrew his arm, only to link his foot with mine under the table. We both smiled at each other and went on chatting with Amy.

When lunch was over, Tommy and I gave each other a squeeze and a quick kiss, then Amy and I went off to P.E.

The locker room was just like every other locker room I've ever been in, except for being filled with adolescent girls well on their way to becoming women. Tall, skinny, round, curvy … there were as many body types as there were girls, but I didn't dwell on any of them. After all, I didn't want any of them dwelling on me. As wonderful as Becca's body looked (and felt) to me, she still had issues with how she looked. As Jack, I'd never met a woman who was truly happy with her body. From this side of the gene pool, I could see why. Becca knew deep in her heart that no matter how good she looked, there was always some paragon on a magazine cover or a movie screen who looked better. And there always would be.

Amy and I had lockers side by side, and we hurried to get changed into our gym clothes before the gym teacher, Miss Spinoza, came in to read us the riot act.

"Wow, your brother was really something this morning," Amy said, already down to her panties. I tried not to notice, but her nipples were getting slightly erect in the cool air, and her chest was big enough to sway a bit as she turned and grabbed the sports bra from her gym bag.

A little embarrassed, I turned towards the lockers and reached back to unhook my bra, something that turned out to be much easier than I had expected it to be. Huh, I thought briefly. Live and learn.

"He's really something, most of the time," I replied, letting the bra slip off of my arms and reaching into my bag for my own sports bra. Amy gave a small laugh as she pulled the bra over her head and settled it in place, then repositioned her breasts in it for comfort. I copied her movements quickly, not at all happy to be naked among strangers. I never liked it as Jack either. I guess some things never change.

"You know I'm happy for you and Tommy, and … well, I haven't really been looking for a guy for me." She looked away, and her voice lowered almost to a point where I couldn't hear her. "But ever since this morning, I've been thinking about … Jeremy."

I stopped, gym shorts half-pulled up over my hips. "Girl, you get that idea out of your head right now!"

Amy looked at me, and grinned. "What, Becca? I'm not good enough?" She punched me lightly on the arm. "I'm crushed."

I finished pulling up the shorts and grabbed my gym shirt. "It's not that at all. You know I think you're awesome, Ames. But it's … like incest, kinda. You know you're practically my sister, and since he's my brother …"

"Eeeeeeeeew!" Both of us chorused at once, and broke into giggles.

We both sat down to put on our sneakers.

"Seriously, Bee," Amy said after a moment. "What do you think about Jeremy and me? As a couple?"

Miss Spinoza walked in and shouted, "All RIGHT, girls, get your tushes on the gym floor right now!"

I wound the scrunchy tighter, pulling my hair up in a high ponytail, and stood up.

"I think we'd better get out on the floor before she has a heart attack," I said softly.

"I heard that, Barnes," she said in a normal voice as she wandered past. "The shouting is just for show. I'm sure no one would move if I asked politely."

"Sorry, Ms. Spinoza," I replied, and scurried off with Amy to the gym.

###

Gym class was uneventful, some stretching and exercises followed by a few games of volleyball. I was sweating some, but not a lot, and I decided to just do a quick wash, then powder and dress. I noticed all of the others girls did the same. I guess baring that much flesh in front of all these other girls wasn't appealing to any of us.

I grinned when I thought of myself as part of "us." Just one of the girls, Becca, I mused as I powdered under and between my breasts before slipping my bra back on. Just one of the girls.

Instead of putting the same panties on, I powdered down below and put on a fresh pair Becca kept in her -- MY -- shoulder bag. I slipped the damp ones in the plastic bag that had held the clean underwear. Between puberty and the effect Tommy had on her, Becca been running around damp a lot in recent weeks, and had taken a few precautions. Not the most comfortable way to spend a day, I thought, finally dressed and headed for the door. It's nice to have the option to change.

Amy met me in the hall. "About time, girl!" she hissed, grabbing me by the elbow and swinging me around towards the cafeteria. "We seriously need to talk."

I put my arm through hers and matched her pace.

"Chill, Ames," I said cheerfully. "Still on about … Jer?"

"Still thinking about him, yes. Can you blame me?"

We turned the corner and headed for the study lounge. I shrugged. "Hard to say, sis. He's my brother. I can't even think of him as a possible hunk. Against the code."

"Beeeeeee!"

I sighed. "Honestly, girl, I guess I don't understand. Why Jeremy, and why now? Just because he beat up Hunter?"

She shook her head. "No. More like how he didn't beat him up." I looked at her, confused. "Look, he had the chance to go all macho on Hunter, and beat him stupid, right?"

"Well, stupider, anyway." Amy laughed, and gave me a shove.

We reached the lounge and found an empty sofa. I curled up on one side, pulling my legs under me and giving my skirt a tug down for coverage. Amy just plopped down on the other side of the sofa, legs akimbo, arms spread wide. I guess you can get away with that in jeans, I thought with a smile. She sighed, and spoke to the ceiling. "Instead of showing how tough he was, he put Hunter down quick and gave him a warning. To Jeremy, it wasn't about proving how much of a man he was. It was about delivering the message and moving on."

I thought about that for a while.

"I have to admit, Jeremy is pretty special," I said. "I've never seen him lose his temper, and he's always been there for me and Emma, and Mom."

"Do you think we'd be good together?" Amy looked down at her feet, and I smiled.

"Well," I said slowly, "He's clean, with good teeth and a nice smile. Few bad habits aside from hogging the television and leaving the toilet seat up. Probably good enough for my best friend in the whole world." I reached across and patted her on the knee. "What the heck, sis. You have my blessing. You want him? Go get him! Mazel Tov!"

"You mean it?" She seemed stunned. "What about us?"

I smiled. "We'll always have Paris."

She picked up a pillow and hit me with it. I squeaked and covered my head.

"You know what I mean!" she said, wacking me again. This time I reached up and grabbed the pillow away from her.

"Amy, we're fine." I wrapped my arms around the pillow and hugged it to me. "We'll always be fine. We've been friends so long it would take more than you dating my brother to mess us up. I love you both. So chase him already!"

She squealed, bounced across the distance between us and hugged me hard, laughing. I laughed, too, because she was so happy it was hard not to. Then she grabbed both of my arms and stared straight into my eyes.

"You have GOT to help me!"

I stared back, surprised. "Whoa, girl! Help you snag my brother?"

Amy narrowed her eyes and spoke out of the corner of her mouth. "Or would you rather he get 'snagged' by some biotch like Maddy Garvin? She IS in his class, you know."

I shuddered. "Point taken. Okay, I'm in!"

She wriggled like a puppy on the sofa, and I suddenly saw an aura explode around her. It was multi-colored, all blues and oranges and yellows, and I realized I was seeing her happiness, and her excitement, and our friendship flaring up around her.

I held up my hands. "But we'll have to meet later to discuss how we'll get him interested. We have two classes still before end of day, and then I need to get ready for Tae Kwon Do, and dance class."

I saw the auras fade, and she sighed. "Girl, you like the weirdest mix of things."

"So do you, Miss World of Warcraft wonder woman," I shot back, and she giggled.

"You like that, too!"

"So? Like you said, I like the weirdest things!" We both laughed. "How many of the girls you see running around WoW are really girls, you think?"

"Not nearly enough," Amy thought for a second, then smiled. "I think they just like to watch the female night elves walk and run from behind. And when they get impatient, they do that full body shimmy things that makes their chests bounce."

"I like the way they walk, too," I said with a smile. "Sometimes I wish I could strut like that."

"Oh, it's not so hard … if you have legs four feet long and a body built by some uber-geek based on what he thinks a girl should look like." We laughed again and got to our feet. "See you tonight, 'kay?"

"Sure thing, Ames. After dinner, come on over and we'll start planning. Jeremy won't stand a chance!"

###

Two classes later, I was at my locker putting my books in and taking my sports bag out. Tae Kwon Do came first, and it was in the smaller gym near the weight rooms. I hurried to the girls locker room and changed into my dobok, with a sports bra and tee shirt under the top so I wouldn't worry about showing too much if it opened slightly during sparring. I had memories of past classes — learning kicks and forms, and earning my belts in succession. I remembered learning some of this as Jack as well, and was looking forward to getting a little physical and working off some of the lust I had built up all day with Tommy on my mind, and in my arms.

When I reached the small gym, it was empty and half-shrouded in darkness. I was a few minutes late, so having no one here ahead of me brought me up short. I stopped just outside the door, my bare feet making no sound on the hardwood floor, and I listened. Silence held sway in that room, like the quiet you feel just before lightning strikes. I stayed still and left the silence alone. I was sure my friends were not there, and if enemies were, why make it easier for them to find me?

As I waited, I realized I was feeling something I'd never felt before. It was like an itch down deep in the center of my soul, and a feeling of anticipation mixed with a touch of fear welled up inside and made my skin crawl.

Something was very wrong in that room.

My first impulse was to turn and run, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't want to be a hero, but if there was something weird going on in that room, I couldn't live with myself if I let one of my classmates walk into it unprepared. After all, I was supposed to be the Advocate, right? I had accepted the deal, and the job. I had a responsibility to protect those who didn't know what I knew — that the world was a dangerous place in ways they couldn't even begin to understand. And I had powers (at least the Arbiters said I did), even I didn't understand exactly how to use them.

So I pulled my body into a readiness stance, balanced and aware. Then I slowly moved forward through the open doorway, ready for just about anything.

Except, of course, for what happened next.

I heard it before I saw it, a rumble like distant thunder, only WAY too close to be far away. Then I heard a woman's throaty chuckle and turned toward the sound. There was to a tall slender blonde standing in the far corner, wearing a wicked grin and a dark green dobok of her own. A ball of green fire hung in the air in front of her, cupped between her delicate hands, seething with power.

"Took you long enough, Advocate," she growled, baring her teeth in a savage smile. "Time to play." She raised the fireball over her head. "And the name of the game is Dodgeball!"

As the flaming orb shot across the room directly at my head, I closed my eyes and sighed.

The day had been going so well, too.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

Jack's first martial arts class as Becca becomes a personal duel with a teacher who thinks death is the ultimate failing grade. Then she meets her new dance instructor, receives her first lesson in how the Universe works (and how she's supposed to work with it), and discovers how satisfying it can be to get ... physical with some boys.

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide
the conditions in which they can learn." -- Albert Einstein
 
 

I fell back without thinking, letting the ball of green fire pass over me. It flew neatly though the spot where my head had been. Using the momentum of the fall, I did a backward roll and wound up on my feet, facing the strange woman in green. She seemed disappointed.

"A physical defense, Advocate? Duck and cover?" She scowled, hands on her hips. "Where is all that power I've heard so much about?"

"I don't bring it on for the small stuff," I bluffed briskly, my body falling back into a ready stance. "Besides, you DID say the game was Dodgeball."

"Yes, I did," she admitted. The fireball she had thrown had turned around and returned to her hand. "But how am I to train you if you don't ... bring it on when I attack?" The ball grew larger and became two, both hovering over her extended palms. With a single gesture, they flew away from her to swoop in and try to hit me simultaneously.

"Train me?" This time I waited until the last second before dropping straight down to the floor. The two fireballs collided above me in a flash of energy that made the air around me shimmer. I bounced back to my feet, nerves singing with adrenaline I didn’t need. "This is training?"

"Haven't you ever heard the expression, 'what does not kill you makes you stronger?'" The woman summoned three green fireballs and set them spinning directly above her head. "It's like that."

"Ah." I nodded, eyes intent on the orbiting spheres. "The problem is, how many of your students die before they learn something? If you use that cliché for a lesson plan, you'll wind up with a very small graduating class ... and a lot of bodies to answer for."

"Since I only have one student, the body count will be minimal." She smiled, and the fireballs spun faster. "And if you die in training? Well, I didn't really want this job anyway."

All three orbs shot straight at me. No finesse, no curves -- just straight at my chest, at high speed. My brain went into overdrive, trying to find a way out.

And failed. Damn, I thought. It was shaping up to be a nice life, too.

Just as all three fireballs were about to hit, a section of my mind seemed to come to life. It pulsed once, almost like flexing a muscle, then threw out a flash of energy that absorbed the three orbs and bounced back towards my 'teacher.' The wave hit as she closed her eyes, and it seemed to wrap around her and fade into a harmless light show by the time it reached the wall.

"At last, some measure of skill," she crowed. "Defense and offense from a single spell. A measured response, as well. Just enough energy to take my attack and make it your own."

Weirdly enough, that was exactly what I would have wanted to do, if I had known how. Strategic and tactical doctrine from Sun-Tzu to von Clausewitz was kicking around inside my head like an academic soccer match. Directed attacks deserve directed defense. No sense shielding everywhere when the attack was to my chest. Unfamiliar knowledge flowed through my brain, and suddenly I knew how far from the wall she was, what spell she was using to attack, and a rough approximation of her energy level (based on what my mind insisted was the 'taste' of the fireballs).

“And you’ve adapted well to your new form,” she sniffed, raising her arms and spreading her fingers wide. Power arced between them. “Although why anyone would want to be ... a girl ... is totally beyond me. You had so much power as a man. Handsome, too. Now you’re just ... weak.”

“But you’re a —“ Her eyes flashed with anger and a very sharp blade thrust upward through the supposedly solid wood floor below me. I found my attention oddly split between watching the woman in green and keeping track of the blade headed straight for parts of me I had grown rather fond of since I woke up that morning. Everything seems to slow to a crawl, and before I could realize the sheer idiocy involved in attempting to declare gravity irrelevant, I found myself upside down on the ceiling. I was suspended above a three-foot-long piece of curved sharpened steel, my ponytail hanging down behind my head. The woman in green looked up and laughed.

“Oh, that is truly magnificent,” she crowed. “Such imagination! We are going to have so much fun, you and I. Until I kill you.”

“Now wait just a minute.” I felt my anger flaring just beneath the surface. “Am I your student or your prey?”

“Both,” she replied. “And neither. Life defines words. Seldom is the reverse true.”

I summoned up a bolt of energy and threw it at the base of the blade. It broke free from its base and rose into the air. I used a second spell to start it spinning end over end, faster and faster. I could hear it singing as it cleaved the air, and as I sent it toward her with a wave, I sincerely hoped it would cut this fight short.

Literally.

Her eyes widened, and she barely managed to turn the sword into mist before it touched her flesh. It did however manage to cut the belt of her dobok. It fell open, revealing a well-shaped bosom wrapped in a sheer black bra with a lot of lace trim. Her skin was pale, almost milky white and pure. Her eyes widened as she realized she was exposed, and I could see the panic in them clear across the room. For the first time since this bizarre episode started, she was off-balance. Time to push her a little further, I thought. Maybe she’ll fall.

So I reached out mentally and made her pants non-existent.

Her bottom half was every bit as lovely as her top, with the front of a matching black thong framed between full white thighs connected to round hips that made her tiny waist seem so much smaller.

Feeling suddenly cooler, the woman looked down and made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a squeal. I dropped down from the ceiling, spinning as I fell until I landed in a ready stance. When she heard me land, her head snapped up. I could see anger had replaced the fear in her eyes.

“Stupid bitch!” she growled. “So childish!”

“It put you off your game, didn’t it?” I snapped back, and my hands glowed with a cool fire. “Being exposed makes you nervous. But if you really WANT something childish to wear ...”

The fire shot out and covered her completely from head to toe, then flared and disappeared. She was wearing a giant version of a little girl’s pink party dress, and her hair was a mass of ribbons and pigtails. She looked down and tried to scream, but her mouth was filled with a large lollipop, so all that came out was a gurgle. It was my turn to laugh.

“Don't like the dress?” I grinned at her, and she shook with anger. "Since you don't seem to like being a woman, I thought you should go back a bit and try being a little girl for a while."

She pulled the lollipop out and threw it aside with a growl, then tried to place her feet in a ready stance of her own. Unfortunately, the bottoms of her shiny black Mary Janes were brand new and still slippery. She fell back and landed hard on her well-padded bottom. When she suddenly realized she was wearing a thick cloth diaper, she roared and shot several bolts of energy at me from the floor.

Without thinking, I spun to one side. Both of her spells hit the mirror behind me and flashed back at her. I watched her own magic slam into her, making her new outfit disappear completely and leaving her quite naked. But before she could react, the second spell hit and she vanished.

I was alone.

“Where the hell did she go?” I asked the empty room. A voice came from behind me.

“Right now, she is exactly where she had planned for you to appear.”

I turned. My own reflection was leaning against a wall INSIDE the mirror, smiling.

“And where would that be, precisely?”

“The food court at MacPherson Center, on the other side of town. A very popular after-school spot for teens, if I am correct. A ... shopping mall?”

“Completely naked?”

“Completely.”

“And you are ...?”

“The Arbiters, Becca.” My reflection laughed and smiled at me. I had a nice smile, I decided. “We need some level of manifestation to speak with you. This was all we had available to us. We hope you don’t mind?”

“As long as nobody puts me away for talking to myself, I’m fine,” I replied. “Should I be ready for ‘teacher’s’ return?”

“Not right away.” The mirror Becca sauntered over to the other side of the glass and sat down. “Part of the last spell she shot at you was a magic nullifier, so you would be forced to remain naked in the food court for a time without magic to hide you or teleport away.”

“So now she’s stuck there herself.” I shook my head. “And judging by her reaction when I saw her in her underwear, she’s probably curled up in a ball trying not to cry. If she hadn’t been psychotically obsessed with killing me, I’d feel sorry for her.”

“Our apologies for not warning you about the nature of the training,” the mirror Becca said softly. “It would have defeated the purpose.”

“So this was authorized?” I stared at myself, stunned.

“Not to the extent she planned to take it, but yes.”

“Why?”

The other me rose to her feet and began to pace. “You need to understand, as we told you before, that the abilities and knowledge we gave you have to be brought out by experience and training. Once you have these skills, they’re yours. But they need to be summoned from the recesses of your mind by need. That’s where Leander’s ... teaching style ... comes in.”

“Oh, come on! She could have killed me!”

“Did you die?” My other self smirked at me through the glass.

“Well, no.”

“We did not send you into this room unprepared, Becca. You were never unarmed. You just didn’t know what your weapons were, until you needed them.”

“Hmmph.” I folded my arms under my breasts and turned away. “And what about this Leander person? Who is she and where did she get all that power?”

“He was once a powerful mage, who abused his power so abominably that the Universe exacted what was to him a terrible price.”

“He? You mean --“

“Yes, Leander was once a man. He used his powers to degrade and humiliate women, take them at his pleasure and crush them with his will. As punishment, he became a she.”

Not much of a punishment, I thought. From my point of view.

“To you, becoming a woman would be a reward,” the Arbiter answered, reading my mind even as she pushed my ponytail back over her shoulder. “To her, it is a reminder that she is ... less than what she was. And the rest of her punishment ensures that it will always be so, for all of eternity.”

I stared at myself, totally confused. “Excuse me?”

The Arbiter sighed. “She has been punished like this for four hundred seventy six years, through seven lifetimes. Since the Universe changed her, she has spent every lifetime as the subservient helpmate of a large, domineering, boorish, and insensitive man. He takes everything she gives and demands more, and externally she is more than happy to comply. To call her a doormat would imply he lets her lie still long enough to wipe his feet on her. While she is in his presence, she cannot say no to him. If he tells her to do something and leaves, she cannot rest unless that thing is done. No matter what sexual act he commands her to perform with him, she is always enthusiastic and eager to please. Always. And no matter how often she has intercourse, she never gets pregnant.”

“Why?”

“It wouldn’t be fair to the children. She would not love them, and they would know it.”

I thought about it for a while. "Being a woman doesn't make her less."

"No. But she thinks it does. And being a subservient woman without access to magic even more so. On many levels."

"So you brought her out of forced retirement after almost five hundred years, gave her back access to powerful magic, and said, 'We have a new associate who will go after people like you, and we need you to train her.'"

The other me smiled. "Something like that."

"Knowing she would cross the line and try to kill me."

"Expecting it, yes. So your true powers would emerge in the crucible of fire. As they had to." The Arbiter put her hand up against the glass on the other side. "You were never alone with her, really. We were watching. But we were sure you would rise to the challenge, and you did. As you will again."

"Again?"

"Oh, yes. This was only your first lesson with her. And now that you've publicly embarrassed her with her own spells, she will be even more determined to make you suffer. But every attack, successfully countered, will make you stronger. Eventually, there will be nothing she can do to hurt you."

"What about my family and friends?"

The Arbiter smiled my smile at me again. "Fully protected. Her magic has only two focal points -- herself, and you. The only person in the Universe she can do anything to is you. And since you're an extension of us in her mind, she will be more than happy to vent her frustrations with us on you as well, even as you create more reasons for her to want to kill you for your own sake."

"Lovely." I looked around the empty room. "What now?"

"Now it's time for the other half of your lessons for today," my reflection said. "Mrs. Graymalkin is waiting."

"My dance teacher?"

"Oh, yes," the Arbiter replied. "She's your instructor in strategy and tactics."

"What about the Tae-Kwon-Do class I was supposed to take before Professor Psychopath interrupted?"

"As far as your Sensei is concerned, you were there and excelled the whole time." She glanced at the clock on the wall on my side of the mirror. "As a small apology, let me help you to your next class." The Arbiter's eyes flared, and suddenly my dobok was replaced with a skintight black leotard, shiny lavender tights, and black soft-souled dance shoes. My belt became a lavender scarf tied around my middle, and I was ...

... somewhere else. A long room with mirrors down one wall and a ballet bar along the other. Big windows on a third wall let in natural light, and I could see people walking past on a sidewalk outside. Next to the windows, the reversed writing on the door proudly proclaimed "Graymalkin's Dance."

"Greetings, child," a voice behind me said sharply. "You're early. I do so admire enthusiasm in one so young."

I spun around to see a older woman, dressed in a leotard and tights. "Are you --?"

She tutted at me. "Manners, Miss Barnes. The correct response to a compliment is, 'thank you, Mrs. Graymalkin.'"

My lip twitched, and I threw my shoulders back and centered my weight over my hips. "Thank you, Mrs, Graymalkin," I said, and threw in a perfect curtsey, completed with a head bob. She threw me a stern look, mitigated by the twitching of her own lips in an almost smile.

"Sass will not be tolerated, Becca."

"Yes, Ma'am." I stood at attention. "Apologies, Ma'am."

"Already forgiven." She gave me a full smile. "With your history and your intelligence, I should expect at least some whimsy, with a modicum of wit. But I do have much to teach, and I would hope you will not allow your need for ... personal expression ... to get between the lessons and the student."

I nodded. "Never, Ma'am. These lessons are very important to me."

"Especially now that Leander has awakened your power, and is so intent on killing you before you can use it effectively." My eyes flashed, astonished. She tutted again. "Really, child. How good a teacher could I be if I did not keep up with current events?"

I couldn't help it. I just laughed. Mrs. Graymalkin smiled at me again, and I could see the laugh lines around her eyes.

She was my height, but darker. Her tousled brown hair was streaked with gray, and cut short until it formed an almost-halo around her head. Her body was that of a dancer, fit but not overly muscular. Her deep brown eyes always seemed to hold a twinkle -- something I would continue to see as our lessons progressed, no matter how serious they became.

"There are two sides to being the Advocate, Becca," Mrs. Graymalkin began. "One side is the power, and learning how to use it for maximum effect. Sadly, it means that for a time you will be stalked by a tremendously powerful psychotic sorceress. But it can't be helped. Once Leander has taken you to a certain level, her services as a ... sparring partner ... will no longer be needed or tolerated."

"But the other side is learning when and where to use your power, what to use it for, how much of it to use, and to what end. That is why you come to me. Well, that ... and to dance."

I fidgeted slightly. "Ma'am?"

"Yes, Becca?"

"Can I ... dance?"

"Oh, most certainly," she said, somewhat surprised. "You are quite good, actually. The skill has been honed for almost a year, in terms of the young girl's history you now possess. Would you like to see?"

My heart took a little leap. I had always wanted to dance, but as a man I always felt ... awkward. It may not have been true, but just thinking that way made me clumsy and ill at ease. I tried once, but the phrase "dancing bear" popped into my head the first time I saw myself trying to move in a studio. My teacher at the time said I was wrong and I moved very well, but all I could see was Gentle Ben under a circus tent. I dropped out soon after, but the dream was always there.

"Yes, please," I replied.

"Very well," Mrs. Graymalkin said. "But before you dance, you must warm up and stretch completely. And while you do that, I will talk. On the mat, please."

My body slipped gracefully to the floor, and I found myself moving into an extensive warm up regime that came as naturally to me as brushing my hair did this morning. It was almost as if my body knew what to do, and my mind followed along until neither one knew which was doing the thinking. Once again I wondered at Becca's history before all of this. Where did it come from?

As I worked my body, she descended to the floor beside me and began to stretch. I looked at her, a question in my eyes.

"Why are you surprised, child?" She reached for her foot and stretched her entire torso, looking at me the entire time. Then she smiled. "Oh, yes, that's right. You haven't been ... one of us for so very long. When you get ... older, you will find that your joints and muscles are not as responsive as they used to be. And when it comes to pleasing a lover, it is better to be more ... flexible. When you have as many years as I do in this body, it becomes even more important. So I may not dance right now, with you, but tonight ..." Her smile became slightly wistful. "Tonight is a different matter... a different partner ... and a very different dance."

I blushed, and she tutted at me again. "Come, come, Becca. Between women, together without men present, such talk is a confidence, a sharing. A bonding. I have a man who pleases me very much, and I would like to think I make him happy, too. It takes a little extra effort on my part these days, but for the right man, a woman ... prepares."

She smiled at me, then twisted her body and stretched using the other foot. " I may be your teacher, but I would also like to be your friend. Since you are so new to being a woman, there may be things you need to ask that you cannot ask your mother, for obvious reasons. I would like to be here for you to ask, as a teacher in being a woman as well." She looked at me with a question in her eyes. "If you would have me, that is."

I nodded, and felt tears come to my eyes. After Leander's "lesson," this was a welcome change. She saw the tears and smiled, then reached out with a finger and brushed them away. "No need for tears, child. Even tears of joy, which I see these are. I just offer friendship, after all. Woman to woman." She traced my jawline with her finger. "And you are already becoming a beautiful woman, after only a day." She looked me in the eye and cocked her head. "You already have a man, don’t you?" My jaw dropped. "Well, a boy, given your age."

She shook her head. "Again, surprised? As I said before, Becca ... current events, yes? Or maybe I should say current affairs." She grinned, which made her look years younger. "And keep working, please."

She did a backward roll and put her legs together, pushing them out in front of her and stretching her back muscles. Mrs. Graymalkin did all this without a hint of strain, and she even continued talking through the stretch -- while I, in my younger body, found it hard to even breathe.

"So, you have a beau, Becca," she said easily. "I am not surprised, a pretty girl like you. How does he make you feel?"

I blushed, and looked down before answering. "Like ... like nothing I've ever felt before, even ... with my wife. It's ... overwhelming, Ma'am. I know what love feels like. I've felt it before. But now I love Tommy so much, it hurts ... and I burn for him, too. I've only been in this body for half a day, and I can't stop thinking about him. Thinking about what I want to do with him. What ... what I want him to do to me. It's ... scary."

For a while, the older woman was quiet. Then she reached out a hand from her stretching position and patted my shoulder.

"Before, you loved as a man," she said softly. "No less strong, perhaps, but not quite as ... powerful. A woman feels much deeper, I think. Our barriers are lower ... our commitments more intense. It is good for you to feel that heat -- the fire that comes from being wanted, and wanting. You will feel it all your life. But you must learn to control it. Because it is so strong, your passion can overcome your reason, Becca. And as strong as that passion is, it isn't enough to carry you through motherhood so young," she said, eyeing me. I shook my head.

"I don't want that, Ma'am," I spoke quickly. "At least, not yet. Someday, with the right man. But for all the years that came before, I'm still very much a child ... like this."

"But not for much longer, I think. You burn with a woman's fire, and it is almost time for you to become one. I can see it in your body, your time is near. That may be part of your trouble, as well. Your body wants him, and your heart does, too." She rolled into a sitting position and folded her legs beneath her. "There are things you can do to make the fire more ... manageable, Becca. But that's for another lesson, I think. We really should get back to work."

I nodded, slightly embarrassed to think about where that lesson would take us — the "things" we would be talking about.

"So," she continued, "let's discuss when to use your power and when to leave things be. It's a difficult skill to master, because every situation is different. The Arbiters believe you are both smart enough and 'grounded' enough to master it, and given what I know of you, I would tend to agree. Still, just as your powers grow stronger with use, so will this skill becomes sharper. It is complicated, of course, by the needs of the Omnipresence."

"What ... do ... you mean ... Ma'am?" I huffed, bending my new form in ways that would probably make Tommy VERY interested in taking off this leotard.

"Come now, Becca," she said, smiling again. "Things happen for a reason. Most of the time, that reason is the Omnipresence. It has a plan so vast, it's impossible for us to see it, let alone understand it. It's like standing on a raft in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and trying to see it all, from Japan to California, from the Bering Strait to Antarctica. And even if you were to fly into space and look down, all you could see was the surface, not the depths beneath. With your limited senses, seeing it all would be impossible."

I rolled over onto my stomach, spread my legs by pulling my knees up on either side of my body, and pressed my torso into the mat.

"The Universe is a nearly infinite tapestry, child. Every life intersects with every other, and the Omnipresence manages the weaving of those threads so they become stronger, learning and growing. Often, they grow by being tested in ways that might seem cruel to those of us who cannot see the tapestry -- just the small section where our own threads reside."

"So ... if I cannot ... see the plan, Ma'am ..." I mused, pressing up with both arms and listening to joints crack. I felt parts of me stretch I'd never felt before. "How can I choose when to act and when to let events take their course?"

"Even though you cannot see the plan, your sense of what is right and wrong connects you to it. Part of what the Arbiters saw in you was evident in the decision you made not to agree to the Other's offer, once you knew it would hurt your family. That quality of knowing the right action and listening to that part of you over anything else is very rare. We will focus on strengthening that connection as part of your training, so it will guide you where rational thought does not. Part of being the Advocate is listening to the part of you that feels how the tapestry is woven, and taking steps to make the Omnipresence's plan work better."

She rose to her feet and walked over to a small stereo in the corner, continuing to speak as she picked up and discarded CDs from a stack beside it. "Even though many see right and wrong clearly, there are those who use their free will to do what they think is right when it is not, or do what they know is wrong simply because they can. Those are the ones you must stop. You must undo their efforts to tangle the tapestry, and make things right. Like almost everything truly difficult in life, you'll have to feel your way through it."

"Up, Becca," she said, without turning around. "Warm your muscles before you dance."

I rose to my feet and began an abbreviated aerobic workout, feeling my body flexing and stretching, the sweat rising, lubricating muscles and tendons. The heat warmed me throughout.

Mrs. Graymalkin watched me from across the room.

"Look at how you learned to raise a child," she said. "Before your first child, you knew nothing about what it meant to be totally responsible for another human being. But you rose to the challenge by feeling your way through it. You made judgment calls based almost entirely on intuition. And both of your children -- all of them, including Becca -- came out just fine."

"How could I ... have raised Becca, Ma'am?" I puffed, breasts bouncing just a little, hips rolling. "I AM Becca."

"That takes more explaining than we have time for today, child. Especially if you want to dance." She smiled at me. "And you are ready to dance, now."

She held up a CD case. I recognized it. It was the Talking Heads Naked album. "Last month you worked up a routine based on a song from this disk." I opened my mouth, and she put her other hand up. "Don't ask now, girl. I told you it's complicated. Just trust me. It's all inside you, just waiting to come out. Take your position, please."

I moved to the center of the room, legs and feet together, hands at my side, head bowed. I heard Mrs. Graymalkin place the disk in the player, and my whole body trembled with anticipation.

Then the song "Big Daddy" came on, full of horns and bass and bouncy guitar, and David Byrne's cryptic lyrics ...

"She has such tiny tears
Just like a barbie doll
She likes to shop at Sears
And visit shopping malls ..."

Suddenly I felt the music moving through me, and I moved with it -- hips swaying, arms out, fingers spread wide, head back, eyes shut, and a grin just beginning to make my lips twitch at the ends. My new responsibilities and Leander's vendetta just slipped away, and I found myself dancing across the room, spinning, arms over my head, hips swaying and a little bit of a laugh coming up from deep inside.

I felt alive, deep inside the music, letting my new body guide me. Mrs. Graymalkin watched, a smile on her face, as I hit every mark without a thought, floating like a leaf on the wind with the precision of an arrow on its way to a bullseye. Laughing like a child, I pulled the scrunchy out of my ponytail and let my hair fly wild around my head. The music didn't let me down or let me go, and I found myself slipping into an impromptu belly dance, hips rolling, hands above my head. It wasn't part of the routine. It just felt right -- a celebration of becoming the woman I always knew I should have been.

The girl I had become.

My whole body wiggled and bounced through a full head-to-toe shimmy shake, ending with a spin as I slipped soundlessly to the floor, heart pounding and adrenaline flowing. As the song ended, tears slipped down my cheeks and I found myself sobbing and smiling at the same time.

I'm home, I thought to myself, crying happily. Oh, thank God, I'm home.

###

An hour later, I was home ... almost. After working on a few more routines with Mrs. Graymalkin, I had changed back to street clothes and taken the bus back to my neighborhood. She had offered to transport me using magic, as the Arbiters had done, but I didn't want to set a precedent of using magic whenever it was convenient. She gave me a nod of approval when I explained, and a warm hug as I left her studio.

"Be careful, Becca," she said as the door closed. "A girl alone can be a target. I know you can take care of yourself, but you're not invulnerable. Get home before dark."

Walking down my street, I felt the chill of the early evening seeping through the impractical outfit I wore this morning. I'd left the comfy sweater in my locker. I was thinking about today's lessons, and wondering what the heck I had actually learned, when I heard a girl's voice, pleading.

"Leave me alone!" I looked up to see a small brown-haired girl scurrying down a cross street, being harassed by four older boys. I recognized the boys as some of Hunter's buddies, and I sighed. What kind of people is he bringing into this neighborhood? I thought sourly.

The girl wore a black scoop-neck tee, a short denim skirt with lace trim, and sandals with platform heels that made it very hard for her to walk. She must be as cold as I am, I realized. She was pretty in an anime-like way, with huge green eyes and small full lips. She wore her hair loose in tumbling curls down to her shoulders, although she kept tossing her head back like it was getting in her way. Fear made her clutch her purse tightly to her chest, and she hunched her shoulders as if she wanted to hide the curve of her breasts.

If I were being chased by those four, I'd want to hide my breasts, too. I had stopped moving and watched from the shadows, trying to decide whether this was teasing or something more. There was something about her ... I didn't think I knew her, and yet ...

The lead boy reached down and snatched at the lace on the bottom of her skirt. He laughed when she squeaked and pushed his hand away. "Stop!" she said plaintively.

"Come on," he said, reaching for her again. "You said we were friends. Why can't I see what color panties you're wearing?" All of the other boys laughed, and suddenly anger boiled up inside of me.

"Because ... because they're mine," she whimpered, and he reached out again. She slapped his hand away. "Get AWAY!" she shouted.

The leader's eyes narrowed, and he shoved her backward, right into the arms of two of his buddies. They held her tight, and he moved forward. She struggled, but couldn't break free.

"Now, baby ... you know it's important to share," he purred, as his fingers gripped the edge of her skirt. "Let's see ..."

"Excuse me," I said, directly behind him. He froze, and turned slowly. His eyes traveled from my feet clear up to my chest, where they stayed for a few seconds longer than necessary before wandering up to my face.

"Well, well," he said. "Fresh meat."

I smiled at him, and he paused, confused.

"Since you seem so intent on seeing her panties, I thought I'd give you an opportunity to see mine first."

The others laughed, and the leader gave me a small, confused smile. It lasted all of two-tenths of a second, until my foot buried itself deep in his stomach, and my knee collided with his forehead on its way down to the street. As he lay there, eyes glazed, I stood over him and smiled again.

"Like the view?" I asked sweetly. "I knew you'd get a better look from down there."

One of the others ran at me from behind, but I could sense him coming. Before he took two steps, my fist collided with the bridge of his nose and my elbow with the nerve cluster just under his ribs. He staggered back and fell on his ass, an instant before his head hit the pavement. The other two let go of the brown-haired girl and just stood there. She collapsed to the ground in a heap, shaking and crying.

I smiled at the two still standing. It was neither pleasant nor pretty, and both of them turned pale.

"This is my neighborhood," I said softly. "And you're not welcome in it. So leave my friend alone and go. Take these two with you. If you come here again, I'll make sure you never leave. And they'll never find your bodies. Understand?"

They started nodding enthusiastically and backed away, picking up their buddies and half-carrying them back the way they had come.

The one I had hit first looked back over his shoulder and couldn't resist a parting shot.

"Don't worry, Heather baby," he shouted. "We'll meet again -- and without your 'girlfriend' to get in the way."

She didn't react, except to cry harder. I stood over her and looked back at him.

"Touch her and die," I said, catching his eye and holding it. He froze for a second, then made kissy noises at me while his buddies dragged him away. When they were gone, I crouched down next to her.

"Hey," I whispered, touching her shoulder. "Heather? It's okay. They're gone now."

"Not okay," she sobbed into her hands. "It's crazy. How did I get like this? Where did these clothes come from? They're my friends, and THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME!"

I put my arms around her, and she stiffened. I gave her a hug and patted her on the back, but she pushed me away, still crying.

"I bet you think this is funny, Barnes," she whimpered, scrambling away from me while trying to pull down her skirt and cover her chest. "Or don’t you know me either?"

I felt a chill run down my back. Oh, God, no, I thought. It can't be.

"Hunter?" I said softly. "Is that you?"

Her head snapped up. "You KNOW me?"

I nodded, still unbelieving myself. Her eyes got wide, and suddenly the tears started again.

"You KNOW me!" she blubbered happily, and launched herself at me from the ground, hugging me tight. I hugged her back, just holding her while she cried, and thought deep thoughts about the infinite perversity of the Universe.

Who would have thought that, less than twelve hours after he tried to look up my skirt, I'd be comforting Hunter while she wore one herself?

 © 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

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To Be Continued...

Becca's first real client comes home with her for dinner, and her very existence reveals a much bigger problem than either she or Becca could have realized. Also, Hunter's transformation into Heather has her afraid to go home -- and Becca's blood boils when she finds out why.

by Randalynn

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“If you can wake up in a different place. If you can wake up in a different time.
Why can't you wake up as a different person?” -- Chuck Palahniuk
 
 

I waited while Heather cried her eyes out on my shoulder. Apparently, whatever had happened to her since she changed gender had really ripped her up emotionally. Hell, I thought, the sex change alone probably tore her concept of reality to shreds. I guessed it was no surprise, really. The whole idea of a spontaneous sex change belonged in an episode of The Twilight Zone. And when Hunter started looking for help and found everyone convinced she had always been a girl named Heather? Well, even I expected a fast camera pan to reveal a skinny man in a dark suit -- standing in a corner, smoking a cigarette and delivering wry commentary directly to the audience.

And I knew magic was real. Imagine how Heather must have felt, knowing it wasn't.

I guess she knew better now, for all the good it did her. But not even Hunter deserved to have his whole reality taken away from him in a heartbeat. I felt cold all over.

I need to fix this, I thought. First, because it's the right thing to do. And second, because ... well, because it's my job.

Her voice against my shoulder was one long high-pitched sentence that never seemed to find a period.

"Oh God thank God you know me oh man you have no idea what this feels like someone rewrote my life and I'm a fucking GIRL oh God I am sooo sorry about this morning I was a real jerk and I'm sorry and oh Becca you KNOW me thank God --"

And the sobs started again. I held her for a few minutes more, but eventually the time to be a comforter gave way to a need to move forward.

I couldn't stand out here all night trying to make her feel better. We needed to talk.

"Hunter." Nothing. She kept on sobbing. "Hunter!" She clutched at me and hugged me again.

She was still trembling a little when I pushed her a few inches away, trying to make eye contact. She gave out a mewling noise, almost kittenish, and looked down to avoid looking at me. Suddenly, she stopped crying for a second, then started to giggle. I looked down as well to find her nipples clearly showing through the fabric of her tee-shirt -- just like mine.

"Look," she said, laughing. "We match!"

I heard her laughter starting to move towards hysteria, and I reached over under her chin and tilted her head up until her eyes met mine. Even with those awkward platform sandals adding a few inches to her height, she had become smaller as she changed gender, and had to look up at me. When she realized this, she started shaking all over, and not just from the cold.

"Hunter." I spoke forcefully, trying to pull her away from the edge. I could see her come back to herself, just a little, and I gave her arm a squeeze.

"Stay with me, hon. I know this has got to be freakish in the extreme for you, but if I'm going to help, we need to talk for a while. Someplace where we can concentrate without worrying about freezing to death."

"How ... how can you help me? I'm a g-g-g-g-girl!" Tears started falling again.

I couldn't stop myself from being irritated. "It's not a disease, 'Heather.' Half the population seems to cope just fine. You’re not sick or crippled, you're female. Get a grip!" She moaned, frightened by my sudden anger, and turned to run. I realized I was being cruel. I took her arm. "I'm sorry, hon. Really. But listen. This didn't just happen. Someone or something DID this to you. And until you stop crying and start talking to me about exactly what happened, there's no way I can help you fix it."

'Heather' turned those big green eyes on me, and her jaw dropped. Then her lip started to quiver.

"You can fix it?" Her voice rose into uncharted territory -- at least for Hunter.

Then she grabbed my arm and squeezed, hard. I winced, and she backed off. "How?"

"It will take time to explain," I said softly. Not that I wanted to tell anyone my secret, least of all 'Heather,' but I really had no choice. "Just trust me for now, 'kay? I might be able to help, but not if all we do if stand out here and let you cry. All right?"

She nodded and sniffled, and dried her eyes with the back of her hand, still trembling. "First thing is, we need to get you home."

"NO!" 'Heather' shook violently. "Not my house, please. You don't know -- you can't --"

"Okay, sssssssssssh." I gave her a small hug. "Okay, not your house. You're coming to mine, then. Mom won't mind another person for dinner."

"I couldn't ..."

"Yes, you can, and you will. I need to get home, and I may catch a little bit of hell for being late as it is. But if there's a guest, I might just get off with a warning. And we still need to talk, right?"

She nodded reluctantly. I nodded back with a smile, linked my arm in hers, and started walking. She stumbled once on those damnable sandals, and then locked step with me.

We walked a bit in silence. Heather seemed to be doing better with those sandals, although they made the going slow. I felt the silence turn awkward, and turned my head to find her looking at me.

"Why are you doing this?" Her eyes were full of curiosity and gratitude, but also a touch of suspicion. As if my help was all part of the elaborate joke her life had become. "Why are you being so nice? I was a real jerk this morning, and I know you hated me ... before. So why are you helping me now?"

I thought a moment before answering. "The easy answer is because you need me to, but I'm not sure that's enough." She shook her head, and I sighed. "Okay, it's true. I didn't like Hunter. He tried too hard to be tough and grown-up -- to be what he thought a man should be. Instead, he wound up just being nasty and cruel." She flinched, and I gave her arm a squeeze. "But I never hated you, hon. Not even this morning, before Jeremy stepped in. I could have hurt you the way I hurt ... your friends a little while ago. But not out of hatred. Just because you needed to learn not to push."

"But I think someone else out there decided you had crossed some kind of line, and did this to you. Maybe they wanted to punish you, although I don't think being a girl is so awful."

"Maybe because you grew up this way!"

I sighed and smiled inside. "Maybe they wanted to teach you a lesson. Or maybe they were just having fun. No matter why they did it, it's wrong. Being a jerk is not a capital offense, and maybe you might have grown out of it someday, if they had let you."

We had reached the walk up to my house, and I stopped and turned to face her.

"We may not have been friends before, but I'd like to be one, now," I said. She looked surprised -- almost as if she'd never had anyone want to be her friend before. "Heather needs a friend, and Hunter needs one twice as much. So I'll help them both. If I can."

Heather looked down for a second, then looked up and gave me a little smile and a nod. "I'd like that ... Becca," she said. "I'd like to be your friend, if you'll have me." Then she frowned. "But what about ... after? If you do fix this, and I go back to being Hunter?"

I smiled, and gave her a hug and a little peck on the cheek. Her eyes got very wide, and I laughed, just a little.

"Well, that will depend," I said with a grin, "on what kind of Hunter you go back to being."

###

Heather and I walked into the house, arm in arm. There was music playing — a CD of some jazz quartet Carolyn liked. I could smell dinner cooking, and heard her and Emma talking.

"Becca's okay, Mom," Emma was saying as she set the table. "You know she can take care of herself."

"But she's only thirteen," Carolyn replied. "Martial arts or no, she shouldn't be out alone after dark."

"And I'm not," I said cheerily. "See? I'm home now. And I brought a friend."

"Heather! What a surprise!" Carolyn said, then looked closer. "Have you been crying, dear?"

Carolyn knows Heather. Hmmmm I turned to look at Heather, and saw her eyes were red and swollen and her face all blotchy. She nodded at Mom and looked down.

"There were these four boys," she said softly. "And they wouldn't leave me alone. Becca came along and ...stopped them, Ma'am."

Ma'am? I looked closer at Heather. She had become much more feminine since we walked into the kitchen. The way she stood, how she held her hands, the way she spoke. Must be part of the spell, I decided. So she fits into the new reality without raising questions.

"Stopped them?" Mom's voice was sharp.

"She ... made them stop, Ms. Barnes," Heather said haltingly, still looking at the floor. "You know ... with that fighting thing she does?" She rushed on, trying to get it all out. "So it's really my fault she's late. I'm very sorry."

Emma looked at Carolyn, happily. "See? Told you she could take care of herself."

"And everyone else, it appears." Carolyn gave me a hard look and I shrugged.

"A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, Mom," I said, and behind Carolyn I could see Emma catch my eye and shake her head. I kicked myself mentally. Don't be flip, Becca, I thought. That doesn't really fly with Mom. Never did, even when you were Jack.

Carolyn walked over and gave Heather a hug. "It's not your fault she's late, Heather," she said sternly. "Don’t you go blaming yourself for anything. If you want to blame someone, blame those boys." Heather nodded timidly. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Mom, can Heather stay for dinner?" I asked quickly. "Is there enough?"

Carolyn nodded. "Of course, dear. We always make enough for twelve, the way your brother eats. And he'll be happy to see Heather, of course." Her face shifted into concerned parent mode, and I looked back and sighed. I could feel a lecture coming on.

"Heather, would you help Emma set the table?" She nodded, and Emma smiled at her as she handed Heather a stack of plates. "Becca, can I see you for a moment in private?"

I nodded, and gave Heather's shoulder a squeeze before going into the living room with Mom. Once we arrived, she wasted no time.

"You fought four teenaged boys?" she said sharply. "In the street?"

"Only two, Mom, honest," I replied. "After the first two went down, the other two got scared of me and decided to leave."

"Scared of you?" Her voice went up an octave, then she stopped, took a breath, and shook her head. "I'm not sure how I feel about this, Becca. On the one hand, I'm proud you stepped in and saved Heather from God know what. She's sweet, but not as ... capable as you are." Her eyes narrowed. "On the other hand, I don't want my little girl brawling in the street. You're only thirteen, and if you lose even one fight ... you could wind up beaten and raped, or dead."

"I know that, Mom," I said quickly.

"Do you, Becca? You don't seem to act like it." She took my hand and sat down with me on the sofa. "Sometimes it seems you're too confident for a thirteen-year-old. Too ... sure of yourself. Like knowing how to fight makes you invulnerable. But it doesn't. Out there in the street, there were lots of things you could have done. You could have screamed for help. You could have run to the nearest door and pounded until someone came out. Instead, you went and took on four boys single-handed." I saw tears glistening in the corners of her eyes, but her voice remained steady. "It was brave, but ... baby, if just one of those boys had hit you from behind while you were 'playing' with the others ... if two of them had grabbed you ... I might never have seen you again." The tears finally fell, and I realized this wasn't a lecture.

It was a plea.

I gave her a hug, and she squeezed back. We held each other for a little while, and I shed some tears, too. Then I pulled back a little so I could look into her eyes. She looked back, and I sighed.

"Mom, I'm sorry if I upset you, really. I don't mean to. But you and ... and Dad taught me how to be the person I am. Because of the values you taught me, I can't run away and do the 'safe' thing if someone is in trouble. What if I screamed or pounded on the door and no one came? How far could they have gotten with Heather if I took the safe way out and ran for help?"

Carolyn did not look happy. "Becca, I --"

"Mom, please let me finish." She stopped and waited. "I promise I'll be careful. You know I don’t want to worry you, but you also know I'm not stupid, and you taught me how to use my head. I won’t take chances, but I won't turn away if someone needs me. Because that's not the kind of person you raised me to be. Okay?"

She looked at me for a long time, then sighed. "I swear, Becca, sometimes you sound just like your father. So rational, so in control. Aren't teens supposed to be wild and impulsive? Just how did you grow up so quickly?"

"I had help." I smiled, and gave her a hug. "Love you, Mom."

"Love you too, baby." She hugged me back. "Please be careful."

"Always." I closed my eyes and hoped I could keep that promise.

###

When we walked back into the kitchen, Emma was telling Heather about how she had scored the winning goal in her soccer match last week. Heather was riveted, her eyes wide and her lips slightly parted. Just as Emma finished her story, Jeremy walked in from the hall where the bedrooms were and broke into a smile.

"Hey, babe!" He moved over to Heather and hugged her tight. I saw Heather's eyes shut and watched her whole body wilt in Jeremy's embrace. Her arms came up to hug him too, and his mouth moved to hers.

"A-hem." Carolyn stood directly behind Heather. "Mom in the room, Jeremy," she said pointedly. His lips brushed Heathers, just for an instant, and he let her go.

"Hi, Mom!" he chirped, a little too enthusiastically. "Dinner ready?"

"Just about," Carolyn replied in a softer tone, and started for the oven.

I looked at Heather, but her eyes were totally on Jeremy. He took her hand, and she responded by moving next to him and putting her arm around him. His arm came up to hold her automatically, and she rested her head on his shoulder. She seemed totally happy.

Whoever did this has a strange sense of dramatic irony, I thought. In love with the guy who beat him down this morning. Or maybe this is just how it would have been, had Heather been born ... Heather. I wonder how Hunter is feeling inside the girl he's become. Because on the outside, she seems ecstatic. I smiled. I wonder if that's how I look with Tommy.

We took out seats. Jeremy held Heather's chair for her, and she smiled and thanked him as she tucked her skirt under and sat primly, knees together. She sat up straight, ate with one hand on her lap (no elbows on the table), and was an attentive and respectful dinner companion. At the end, she tried to help clear the table, but Jeremy took the plates from her hand and shooed her away.

"We need to talk anyway, right, Heather?" I said happily. "Girl stuff, Jeremy. No listening in."

He was bent over the dishwasher, putting in plates. "Go ahead, have your fun. But don't keep her too long, sis. We need time too."

I took Heather's hand and guided her down to my bedroom. When I closed the door, she seemed to shudder all over, and collapsed on the bed in a heap.

"God," she breathed. "That felt so good, it was scary. He really cares about me ... about Heather. And when I'm out there, all I can think about is him."

"Pretty strong, huh?" I flopped down on the bed next to her.

She looked down, and her voice became hushed. "Becca, I never felt like that before. Ever. I thought about ... sex a lot, you know? What guy hasn't? But deep inside I knew, when I looked in the mirror, that I'd always be sniffing after it like a junkyard dog on a bitch in heat. I knew nobody would ever want me. No matter how much I wanted it."

"So I wanted sex. But I've never loved anyone. And I've never been loved." Heather started shaking. "I didn't know what love felt like. And suddenly, there's this guy, and he sees me, and his eyes light up ... It ... it felt so good out there, Becca. His arms around me, wanting me, loving me." She looked at me and her eyes were red again, and her lip was quivering. "But it's not real! I'm not really this girl, and when I go back to being me, he'll just hate me again. Just like everybody hates me."

I put my arms around her and gave a squeeze. "Sssssssssh. It's okay. I don't hate you, hon. Never did, remember?"

"But he did," she sniffled. "And he will again."

"Jeremy may surprise you, Heather," I smiled. "He sure surprised me this morning."

Heather smiled in spite of herself. "Me too! Man, he took me down hard ... without breaking a sweat." The smile slipped from her face. "Maybe if he had been my friend in the first place, I wouldn't have chased after the jerks I wound up hanging with." She shook her head. "I was pretty damned stupid, wasn't I?"

"Pretty much, hon," I said, and her head snapped up, surprised. I smiled and gave her a squeeze. "Truth between girlfriends, always, Heather. No games, right?" She relaxed and nodded. I pushed forward. "Listen, if you don't tell me what happened today, Jeremy may wind up being more than a friend for the rest of your life."

Heather got up and took a few steps away, her back toward me, her arms folded under her breasts. I meant it as a way to get the conversation headed toward what happened, but she seemed to be giving it serious thought. Then she shook all over like a spaniel coming out of a river, and looked at me with a rueful smile.

"Sorry," she said softly. "I guess I got distracted."

"Love does that to you, hon." I smiled. "Believe me, I know."

She turned away again. "I know I can't stay like this, not when -- I just can't."

She's hiding something, I thought. But now's not the time to pry it out of her. Instead, I nodded. "Tell me about what happened today."

She shrugged. "I don't remember it all. It was late in the day, I know that much. I had a free period, a study hall." She sniggered. "Like I'd study, right?"

I watched as bits of the old Hunter slipped out of Heather as she talked. Her shoulders hunched just a little, and her weight shifted in a way that just didn't work quite right with her new hips.

"So ... I was hanging out by the girl's locker room, trying to get a look inside when the door opened ... you know, when someone left?" She ducked her head, embarrassed. Her hands did that weird shuffle move I'd seen Hunter do a thousand times before, and she tried to slip them in her pockets before realized she didn't have pockets to slip them into. Uncomfortable, she folded her arms under her breasts again. "Yeah, I know. It was stupid and childish, but we already covered that, right?" I nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Anyway, I was waiting there, and suddenly this girl grabs me by the arm and swings me around. 'Hunter, you little perv,' she shouted, 'trying to peek at the girls!' I tried to shake her off, but another girl grabbed my other arm. I struggled a little, but the two of them were pretty strong. Which was weird, because I might be small, but I'm not weak, ya know? Or at least I wasn't, before."

"'Let me go!' I yelled, more than a little freaked. The first girl smiled like I said somethin' funny, and she said 'oh, we'll let you go all right -- right where you want to be. Enjoy the ride, pussy.' A third girl opened up the door to the locker room, and the first two threw me hard right through. Then ... nothin'. I thought I hit my head or somethin', because I was just ... out. Everything went black."

"When I woke up, I was in the nurse's office, lyin' down. She called me Heather, and at first it sounded right, ya know? But then part of me realized it wasn't my name. She said I had fainted in the locker room and some of the girls had brought me there. When I tried to sit up, I knew that more than my clothes had changed. But instead of going insane, my brain shifted inside, and I smiled at the nurse and told her I was feeling much better, and I really wanted to get back to class. She smiled back at me and wrote me a pass, and before I could say 'hey I've got boobs,' I was out the door and standing in the hallway."

She sat back down on the bed and looked at her feet.

"It was totally weird, you know? Suddenly I'm standing by myself, and everything feels wrong again. I'm balancing on these stupid sandals, purse over my shoulder, standing up straight, hair curling down past my shoulders, and my tee shirt showing major cleavage with my tits sticking out like they're on display or somethin'. I start walking towards my next class, hips moving like a snake, trying hard not think about any of it. Just trying to hold on to ... me. Then the bell rings, and suddenly there are about a thousand people in the hall. Half of them are boys, and it felt like half of them liked to ... to touch. Everywhere."

Heather shuddered, and I put an arm around her. "And then I was her again, trying hard not to let them touch me. I barely made it to class without bawling like a baby, and it turns out I had walked myself to 'my' fashion design class. A memory surfaced and I realized I ... Heather was learning how to design and make a dress for the Homecoming Dance. I'm thinking, 'Damn, this is so going to suck,' right before I walked through the door. But the instant I do ... it doesn't. All of the sudden, I'm smiling, joking with the ... other girls, having a great time, talking about colors and fabrics and things I never wanted to know in a millions years. It's not horrible. In fact, it feels pretty good. But deep down inside, I know it's not what I'm supposed to be doing. It's not ME."

"That's when I started to worry. Everyone thought I was this Heather chick. I mean, here I was, sewing this dress and hanging -- with girls -- and I was having fun." She stopped, thought for a moment, and looked at me. "Becca ... when I was Hunter, I ... I NEVER had fun. Not really. I used to just kill time. This is going to sound weird, but part of me began to wonder if I really was her. Like, maybe I really was Heather, and this was just some kinda breakdown she was going through, you know? Maybe Hunter was just somethin' she made up. So I decided to just go with it, and relaxed, and kinda went with the program."

"Anyway, class ended and I got up with everyone else and we all put our materials away and left. Then I started thinking, out in the hall. This whole thing started by the girl's locker room. Maybe if I find the girls who took me to the nurse, or the ones who threw me through the door, I could figure out what's real."

"So off I go, walking through the halls being Heather, watching for stray hands and smiling and saying hey to people I didn't know before a few hours back. I get to the hallway outside the gym, and it's quiet. Suddenly they grabbed me from behind -- the same girls from before. And they are seriously pissed."

"'So, bitch,' the one who threw me said with a smile. 'How does it feel to be the prey instead of the Hunter?' And they all laughed, like it was funny, and one tugged on my hair hard and the other reached over and pinched a tit until I cried, and ... and a third reached under my skirt and I tried ... I tried ... so hard ..."

Heather just lost it again, and I just held her tight and let her cry it out. Inside I was seething. Now the gloves come off, I thought savagely. Bad enough to rip his reality away, but to torture him when he's so close to the edge? And for what -- trying to peek in the locker room? Somebody is going to pay.

"When they finished ... playing with me, they left me in a corner of the locker room curled up in a ball, sobbing. I could hear them laughing all the way down the hall. I didn't move. I was ... afraid. I was afraid it was all a trick, and I'd get up to leave and they'd come back for me. Finally, I realized I was alone. And I also knew that Hunter was real, and they'd ... turned me into Heather somehow. Changed everything."

"I stood up slowly, tremblin' all over, like I was cold. All of my clothes were twisted. My ... bra was ... pulled up over my ... breasts and it ... hurt. I ducked into a stall and locked it behind me. Then I reached into the neck of the tee shirt to straighten straps and ... slip my boobs back in the cups ... move 'em around until it felt okay again. When I left the stall, I walked over to the mirror and saw what my hair looked like. So I sighed, took a brush from my purse and pushed it all back into place like I was doing it all my life. And my ... make-up was all smeared and smudged, so I opened the purse, took out some stuff and fixed it without even thinking twice. By the time I realized what I was doin', it was done. That was scary, too."

"I couldn't go home." She said it so decisively that I didn't dare ask why. "So I thought about it and wondered if maybe it was just ... just here at the school. You know? Maybe someone out in the world would remember Hunter and know what to do. So I left and went to the only friends ... Hunter had." She shivered and wrapped her arms tight around her middle. "You saw how well THAT worked. They treated me ... like I tried to treat you. I'm sorry."

I gave her another hug. "All past, hon. What's important now is getting your life back."

Heather gave me a look that was both hopeful and wary. "Your turn to talk, Becca. How can you help me do that?"

I stood up and walked across the room, then turned to face her.

"Here's the short answer. What happened to you — someone messing with reality — it's something that happens all the time, and something the Universe frowns upon. I've been chosen to be a kind of ... defender for people like you. They call me The Advocate, and it's my job to push back when someone uses magic to be cruel or gain power over someone else."

She looked at me, and her face crumpled into disbelief and despair. "Oh, come on! What are you, Buffy the freakin' Vampire Slayer?" She started shaking. "Here I thought you were being serious, and you come at me with a story like that."

"It's true. You know magic is real. You're living proof of it right now."

Her laughter came out shaky as her whole body trembled, and she looked down between her breasts to avoid looking at me. "Yeah, maybe. But that doesn't mean you're Wonder Woman all of the sudden. You were just stringing me along. And I thought you were my friend." Her shoulders started shaking as Heather began to cry again, and I sighed.

She's so fragile, I thought. Must have been hurt alot in her life before this. Too many disappointments. I sighed. Time to show my "badge" and put my magic where my mouth is.

"Heather?" I said softly. "Look up."

She did. Her eyes met mine, upside down, as I stood on my own ceiling with my hands pressed on my thighs, trying hard to keep my skirt from flipping up -- well, down -- to expose my panties. She froze, and then wilted onto the bed, not quite fainting.

I dropped back to the floor and kneeled down in front of her. "Heather, honey? Are you okay?"

She nodded, just once, and pulled herself into a ball on my bed.

"Do you believe me now?" She nodded again, and peeked at me through one eye.

"I'm sorry ... for doubting you." Her voice sounded small and timid. I reached out to touch her arm, and stroked it gently.

"No problem, baby," I whispered. "You've been through a lot today. I wouldn't believe it myself if I weren't living it."

She pulled herself upright on the bed, brushed her hair out of her face and looked at me with new respect. "What ... what else can you do?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," I admitted sheepishly. "I've only just started learning how to be the Advocate, so I don't know everything I'm capable of, yet. But I do need to help you now, so I guess we'll file this under 'on-the-job training.'" She gave me a small smile. "Did you recognize any of the girls who hurt you? The ones who did this to you?"

Heather shook her head. "No, but I can point them out to you if I see them again."

"Good. I need to do some research, and --"

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" I raised my voice.

"It's Jeremy," a muffled voice proclaimed. "I've come to claim my girl!"

"Well, you can't have her yet!" I said as Heather's eye flashed. The door opened, and I watched her shift into lovestruck girl mode almost instantly. Jeremy stood at the door, his hand on his chest, hamming it up for all it was worth.

"You shall not keep me from her," he boasted. "Even if a thousand men block my path, I will prevail. Through swamps and thickets of deadly poisoned thorns, through dragons and ogres and ..."

She giggled and threw herself into his arms. "Save me, oh brave knight!" She proceeded to wilt in his arms, and I could barely keep from laughing. He bent over her and gave her a long deep kiss that ran through Heather's whole body like a wave. I saw a flash of her aura — love and desire and acceptance and peace. It was nothing like the blackness that filled Hunter this morning.

Jeremy broke from the kiss and looked at me. "She's mine!"

Heather looked at me with a plea in her eyes. Was it to get her away from him or to let her be with him for a while? I thought about it for a few seconds and realized that being with Jeremy was one of the few things about this whole experience that made her feel better.

God knows she could use some safe time with someone she trusts, I thought, and nodded.

"She's yours, for now, good Sir Knight," I cackled maniacally, hunching my shoulders just a bit to achieve the "evil crone" look. "But I will have her in my clutches again before the night is out."

I saw her whole body relax, and knew I'd made the right call. She needed to be loved and held and cared for, and to feel that someone cared for her just because of who she was. Even if Heather wasn't who she really was inside, she was real to Jeremy, and Jeremy's love was real to the girl she had become.

"Thanks, sis," Jeremy said with a smile. He lifted her to her feet, took her by the hand, and walked her out and down the hall. She turned and gave me a weak smile as they left.

I closed the door behind them and flopped down on the bed on my stomach. I rested my upper body on my elbows to avoid squashing my breasts under me, and settled my chin on my intertwined hands.

Four of them that we know of, I mused, and wielding enough power to totally reshuffle reality on a whim. I should have tried to shuffle it back as long as I had her here. Maybe I should go and --

"I'm afraid it won't help." A familiar female voice came from the pile of stuffed animals at the foot of the bed, and a worn purple bear in a lavender skirt pulled her way out of the pile.

I smiled. "Well, isn't that a blast from the past. I'm glad I kept that bear."

The bear straightened her skirt and sat down next to me.

"As are we. This form brings back fond memories of our earliest meetings, Becca. We are happy it is still here to inhabit." There was a short companionable silence.

"So ... why won't it help?" I rolled over and sat cross-legged on the bed. "Why can't I try to transform her back?"

"Oh, you can try, but this is an unusual situation. Usually a transformation can't be reversed unless you know how it was done, exactly. We have given you the ability to ... I believe you call it 'reverse engineering?' You can deconstruct most magical spells and incantations and create 'anti-spells' to counter them. But whatever they did to her used a different type of magic -- one that reconstructs reality and actively fights any attempt to reverse its effects." The bear's voice held disapproval. "It's something we haven't seen since long before the Roman Empire — a form of sorcery that was particularly dangerous, even in the hands of highly trained and educated mages. In the hands of a group of middle-school girls with revenge on their minds, the results could be catastrophic."

"And why doesn't the Omnipresence step in and take it from them?"

"Free will," the bear replied crossly. "That delicate balance between Chance and History. Events conspired somehow to put it in their hands, and if The Omnipresence acted directly against them, it would create repercussions that could seriously undermine The Master Plan ... or so I'm told. The Omnipresence does not choose to break its own rules lightly. Doing so would unravel decades -- if not centuries -- of meticulous work. That's part of why it empowered you."

"Because I can also exercise free will against those who wield this kind of power?"

The bear nodded. "You are the wild card in The Omnipresence's deck. If you triumph, it will be because your will, your knowledge, and your judgment will lead you to victory."

"Terrific. So ... how do I fix this?" I asked, looking down at the bear. She in turn looked down at her stubby paws.

"Frankly, we're at a loss," she said sadly. "From its use in the distant past, it requires some kind of focal point ... a talisman or idol, as well as knowledge of the correct way to address the powers involved. Unfortunately, the focal point can be nearly anything, as long as it has been permeated with the proper essense."

"Can't the Omnipresence tell us what it is and where?"

The bear managed to pout with its stitched-on mouth. "The Omnipresence does not deal directly with anyone. And giving us information that might help us could jeopardize --"

"--the delicate balance between Chance and History. I know, I know." I flopped backward and rolled over onto my tummy facing the Arbiter. "For someone all-knowing, all-seeing, and all-powerful, the Creator of all Things seems perpetually ham-strung by its own rules."

"Hmmmmm." The bear stroked its chin with a stubby paw. "Just as a good scientist is constrained by the scientific method. Look at it this way. The Omnipresence is attempting to ... change the universe 'in flight' as it were. It is constantly juggling people and events to influence the choices made by the inhabitants of the Universe as they move forward towards the future. The result of all these choices is a future built by everyone to fit the Creator's Plan. And the only way to achieve the Plan properly is by allowing the inhabitants to exercise their free will ... freely. The Omnipresence obeys its own rules to achieve its own goals. By breaking them, it only defeats itself. You see?"

"So in other words, we're on our own."

"Essentially, yes."

###

I spent an hour chewing on it after the Arbiters had gone. Every minute I spent just made me more frustrated. I'm supposed to be so powerful, I growled at myself. I'm supposed to help her. How can I help her if I don't know where to start?

With a heavy sigh, I pushed it to the back of my mind and pulled my backpack over. I had homework. Not as easy as I'd hoped, but easier than it had a right to be for a thirteen-year-old girl. I guess learning all this stuff before doesn't mean I've got easy access this time around, I grumbled. I took a glance at the clock, and wondered when the new Heather had to get home. She might have a curfew on a school night, and I didn't want her to get in trouble because she forgot she was a teenaged girl, instead of a guy used to coming and going as he pleased.

I wandered out into the living room to find Jeremy and Heather cuddled up on the sofa watching an episode of Firefly. I stopped for a second to watch them, and sighed. They looked good together, and happy. It seemed a shame to ruin the moment. But if Heather got grounded for being late, it would be harder to help her. She'd be confined to quarters, unable to move freely.

"Hey, girlfriend," I said softly. They both looked at me. "When do you need to get home?"

All of the color drained from her face at once, and she shivered. Jeremy cuddled her tighter.

"Cold, hon?" he asked. She shook her head quickly and looked back at me.

"Please excuse me for a second, Jer?" Heather asked. "I need to talk to Becca about something."

He gave her a quick squeeze. "Sure, Heather. Hurry back!"

She rose from the couch and grabbed my arm, hustling me back down the hall. When we reached my room, she shut the door quickly and leaned against it. Tears were already falling.

"Becca, I can't go home!"

"Sure you can," I said softly. "Nothing to worry about. They'll just see you as everyone else sees you, as a girl."

"THAT's the problem!" She ran across and threw herself on the bed.

"What do you mean?"

Heather's face was buried in my bedspread. "There is no 'they,' Becca. Just me and Dad."

"So your Dad will --"

"NO!" She lifted her head and looked at me. "You don't get it yet. When I ... was Hunter, he used to hit me all the time. Just punch me around, you know? Because he could."

That explains a lot, I thought.

"My Dad drinks. A lot. And he buys porn ... stacks and stacks of it. He doesn't like me pawing through it, but I've seen some of the mags around. High School Hotties, Teen Queens, Young Meat ..."

In the back of my mind, pieces began to fit together. And I didn't like the picture they made. I started shaking my head.

Heather nodded. "It's why I couldn't go home before. Why I couldn't even think about it. I know he wants to ... he LIKES teenaged girls, Becca. And if he hit me all the time when I was Hunter, just because he could ... what do you think he'll do to Heather? What does he already do to Heather?"

She moaned and curled up in a ball on my bedspread.

"If I go back, I'll act just like Heather would around him. If I used to let him hit me, then Heather will ... will ... NO! I won't go back. I can't!"

I went over and put my arms on her back. I could feel her quivering.

"It's okay, Heather," I said. "It'll be okay."

And it will be, I thought grimly, patting her gently while my blood ran cold. THIS I can do. Nothing mystical about it. No fuzzy areas to worry about, no 'delicate balance of Chance and History.' He beat Hunter and raped Heather, and no one ever noticed? He's done hurting her. I'm going to stop it. Now. Tonight.

And it will be a pleasure.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

Becca's vow to protect Heather runs straight into a complication she hadn't seen, and a limitation she can't avoid. With time running short, can The Advocate do what must be done -- without using her power?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"A hero is someone who understands the responsibility
that comes with his freedom." -- Bob Dylan
 

"Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law
of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of
the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations
where he is most likely to be creamed?" -- Solomon Short
 
 

As I held Heather, I tried to think past the rage, and realized that the situation was trickier than I first realized.

The nature of the spell that had changed Hunter made her feel and act like Heather whenever she was around other people. Thanks to my status as The Advocate, I was apparently immune to whatever made everyone else see her as Heather -- and she was immune to whatever made her be Heather around others when just we two were together. This added another dimension to the problem.

I had to get her away from her father, but not placed in state custody or a foster home. If that happened, she'd be forced to be Heather nearly every minute of every day -- never alone, always surrounded by people who only saw her as a young girl, abused by her father. I didn't know enough about the magic those girls had used to change her reality, so all I had were questions. Would having to be Heather all the time destroy what was left of Hunter? I just didn't know. I needed to keep her here with me, until I could get this whole magic mess sorted out.

Besides, I thought, she's fragile. Heather needs me ... and right now she needs Jeremy, too. I can't have her out there alone and friendless when the whole point of all this is to keep her safe and whole until I can fix things. If ... no, when I manage to get her life back as Hunter, I want him to know he has friends.

Suddenly, the beginnings of a plan began to form in the back of my mind, and I pushed Heather away slightly to get her attention.

"Hea ... Hunter?" She looked up at me, tears streaking her pale face. "Can you ... remember Heather's memories when you're with me?"

"Sort of," she said. "More emotions than memories. For example, I can still feel Jeremy's ... love surrounding me, and my ... how I feel for him. It's stronger than what Hunter felt, so it pushes my old feelings aside, kinda."

"Can you remember ... exactly what your father does ... to Heather?"

She shook violently all over, and I hugged her tighter. "Just the fear ... and pain ... and disgust when its over and he leaves me and I ache and I'm messy and all I want to do is cry..."

"Ssssssh, baby," I whispered, just holding her. "It's okay. I told you I'm going to fix this, and I am. I'm just trying to figure out how." Heather nodded, and I let the shaking subside some. I began again, tentatively. "I need you to try something for me. I know it's going to hurt if it works, but I need you to go down the hall away from me and try to remember how things always start with your Dad ... as Heather."

She started shaking her head. "I can't!"

"Ssssssh," I said softly. "You don't have to remember anything else, just how it starts. I know it's going to be rough, but I have the beginnings of a plan, and I need to know." Tears flowed out from under her eyelids as she bowed her head, and impulsively I gave her a squeeze. She looked up, surprised, right into my eyes, and I smiled. After a bit, her lips twitched, and a smile slowly crept onto her face as well.

"You're my friend, hon, and I wouldn't hurt you for anything. But if you can do this, I think I can get him out of your life ... well, Heather's life ... forever." I spoke solemnly, and held her eyes with mine. "He will never touch you again."

"Can't you just ... you know ... use magic or something?" Heather rested her head on my shoulder, trying not to look at me at all. "Can't you just make him stop, or just ... go away?"

I thought about it for a second. "I'm pretty sure I could do both. But I'm not sure I should."

She pulled back and looked at me, confused. "Why?"

"Well, I'm new at this," I replied tentatively. "I'm still not sure exactly what I'm supposed to use my powers for. I do know I'm here to stop magical abuses, not cause them for my own purposes. Maybe I can do whatever I like and hang the consequences, but I don't know. It's also possible I could confuse or even corrupt the magic those girls used if I use my magic to change the Universe they created ... when they changed you. If I change the pattern too much magically, they might not be able to set things right later."

I shook my head. "I'm still too new at this to know for sure, but when it comes to fixing what your life is now, we have to do it the old-fashioned way. Or as close to the old-fashioned way as we can." Heather put her head back on my shoulder and we sat like that for a while.

"So ... can you try to remember? For me?" I felt her nod, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "That's my girl!" She laughed. "What's so funny?"

She looked up into my eyes, and smiled. "I never thought I'd ever be happy to hear someone call me their girl," she said. "First Jeremy, now you. Even if I had to lose everything I had, it feels good to finally have ... friends." Heather looked down, avoiding my eyes. "Thank you for being here for me, Becca. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along outside."

"You'd have done your best, which is all anyone can ask of herself," I said seriously, and touched the tip of her nose with mine. She laughed. "Now go see what you can remember, hon, while I think this out some more. If it hurts too much, you come right back and we'll think of something else, 'kay?"

Heather stood up unsteadily on her heels, gave me a half-hearted salute, and walked over to the door and out into the hall.

I have to make this work, I thought. I can't let anything happen to her. I won't.

I was amazed at how quickly Heather had become family -- and how determined I was to keep her from harm.

"You shouldn't be surprised," the lavender bear piped up from the corner of the bed, near the pillows. "It's part of what makes you a good choice for Advocate. Your ability to care -- to even forgive and embrace those others in your position would have considered enemies -- is what gives you the balance to use the powers we have given you wisely."

"It's just being human ... and humane," I snapped, irritated and embarrassed at another compliment. "I keep trying to tell you I'm not so special."

"And we will continue to tell you how wrong you are," the bear replied formally, with a touch of irritation in her cultured British tones. "By overestimating humanity as a whole, you overestimate the virtues of the humans you will be dealing with. As a result, you run the risk of being unprepared for the level of treachery and deceit you will face in your position." The bear sighed, and softened its tone. "Becca, the Omnipresence has entrusted you with powers and authority never before given to a human. Although you are loathe to admit it, the reason for the trust placed in you is that, in many ways, you embody the best of what humanity has to offer."

"And the minute I start believing you when you tell me that, I'll become as big a jerk as Leander," I said softly, settling back on the bed and folding my legs under me in a position that should have been uncomfortable, but wasn't.

The bear shook her head. "Impossible," she said. "I think you believe it could happen, but it won't. It isn't in you."

Still embarrassed, I changed the subject. "You overheard my conversation with Heather?"

The bear nodded. "And caution is definitely indicated. Mixing different magicks is a tricky affair, and sometimes results in unforeseen consequences. With the age and power of the magick these girls are using, there's no telling what might happen."

"Still, there is a chance I will have to go up against them, my power against theirs," I said. "What will happen then?"

Suddenly I heard a thud from the hallway, and I leaped towards the door. Opening it, I found Heather collapsed on the floor, crying. Carolyn's door flew open and Jeremy appeared from the kitchen simultaneously, and as Heather curled up into a ball, I got down on the floor with her and cuddled her in close, hugging and shushing as best I could.

"Oh, Becca, I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "It just hurt so much to remember, and when I did, I ... remembered what came after, and ... and ..."

"What's going on?" Mom said, obviously confused.

"Heather? What's wrong?" Jeremy stood at the end of the hall, unsure of what to do.

Suddenly a piece of the plan clicked into place, and I knew what we needed. I just knew.

We needed allies.

###

We sat at the kitchen table an hour later. With my urging, Heather had finally spilled everything about her father's abuse in a flood of tears as she lay there on the hallway floor. Jeremy and Mom were furious and horrified, and even though everyone there was clearly on her side, she kept looking everywhere in the hallway except at Jeremy.

"Why didn't you tell me this was happening, baby?" He had asked her softly, a touch of hurt behind the words. She turned her face to the wall and sniffled.

"Because ... because I thought, if you knew ... you wouldn't want me anymore." Her voice was so small and hurt, I ached in sympathy. "I'm ... used, aren't I? Just a little slut, he calls me. You can do so much better."

Once again, Jeremy showed me a depth I never knew he had. He kneeled down next to her and touched her shoulder.

"You thought that, did you?" She nodded. "Well, then, you're a dummy." Heather turned and looked at him in surprise, and he smiled and gave her a small kiss. "I love you, stupid. The fact that your Dad is an evil lecherous hump doesn't change that. That's not how love works. You're not 'used.' You're perfect. And there's no one better for me than you. So come get hugged, okay? God knows you could use all the hugs in the world and then some."

All this from a twelve-year-old boy. I was so proud of my son I could burst.

She gave a little mewling sound and threw herself into his arms. Mom and I exchanged a warm glance over their heads, and a few minutes later we found ourselves around the kitchen table with steaming mugs of cocoa and a whole lot of rage between us.

Heather and Jeremy were holding hands, with frequent squeezes. Emma had heard everything in the hallway and had joined us in the kitchen, as angry as the rest of us. I had a plan -- one I believed would work perfectly -- but Carolyn was the true adult here, and I couldn't just step on her prerogatives as Mom.

"We have to call the authorities," she said decisively. "We can't let her go back to that house tonight."

"We have no proof," I replied softly. "Just Heather's word versus his."

"Social services will take her side." Carolyn's voice was flat. "She won't be with him anymore."

"But this will go on for weeks or months, and with a good lawyer he could beat the case." Again, my voice was soft, my eyes down, focused on my cup of cocoa. Non-confrontational, that's tonight's exercise in being Carolyn's daughter instead of her husband, I thought. "In the meantime, she'll be shuffled from foster home to foster home. And who knows what kind of monsters she could meet out there ... alone in the system?"

"I can't not call the authorities, Becca," she said with a spurt of anger. "Not with what I know now. And I can't just let her stay here with us without getting the courts involved. What do you want me to do?"

For a long time, I was silent, with Mom glaring at me. It seemed like everyone else was holding his or her breath, waiting for one of us to say something. And she asked the question, opening the door for me. It was my turn to speak, and I was about to try and take command.

What I still hadn't figured out was whether Carolyn would let me.

"We need to get her Dad dead to rights, with something that will stand up in court," I said, looking up into her eyes. "And we need to do it now. Tonight."

Everyone turned and looked at me simultaneously. The silence was deafening.

"And we need to get her away from the system and bring her home with us, before social services latches onto her. It's where she belongs -- with people who love her."

Then ... I told them all my plan.

###

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

"It's the best way, Mom. We can --"

"You can put yourself in danger is what you can do," she said. "Cutting corners works well on TV, but in real life, you're going to get yourself hurt or killed trying to pull a stunt like that. Both you and Heather."

"Police officers do it all the time," I said, trying to remain reasonable.

"Yes, they do." Carolyn's voice held an unmistakable edge. "With backup, warrants, and weapons. You have NONE of those!"

"You're right." I nodded, and she looked startled. "But what we do have is surprise. He's ... been doing this to her for a long time, and Heather never told anyone before. So he won't be expecting this."

Carolyn turned to Heather, her voice softening. "Heather, baby?" She looked up. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

Heather looked down, and Jeremy squeezed her hand.

"First, he told me ... if I told anyone, he would make it look like ... it was all my idea," she whispered. "He'd claim I came on to him, and the more time passed ... the longer I kept quiet, the more it would seem like I ... like I really wanted him that way." She shuddered all over. "But I didn't! And the first time I said no to him, he ... beat me so badly I had to stay home from school for a week, it hurt so bad. After that, I just ... just ..."

Jeremy wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried soundlessly, tears pouring down her face.

"It's okay, baby," Carolyn said gently. "It's not your fault, no matter what he said."

"This is not about whose fault this is." I looked down into my cocoa. "It's about how he could make her look in front of a jury ... or on the front page of a newspaper."

I could feel Carolyn's anger from across the table, matching mine. We all stayed quiet for a minute, then I looked up at the woman who used to be my wife and spoke. Calmly. Rationally.

"Mom, you're a lawyer. You know we need evidence, and we can get it tonight. And you know people ... judges ... police officers. You can call the authorities in, and get custody of Heather once this is over.

"Becca, I --"

Then I just lost it. "Mom, please listen. We can do this! We have to do this!"

Her face hardened, and I knew the conversation was over. She stood up, towering over me.

"What I just heard tells me I don't want you anywhere near that man. Heather either. He beat his own daughter to a pulp, and you want me to let you walk in there? No! You're thirteen years old, Becca! We call the police and we do this by the book." The resolve in her voice told me that, for her, the case was closed. "I'll pull whatever strings I can find to get us to keep Heather once her Dad is in custody. But that's as far as I can go." She sighed, and bowed her head. "Now, you take Heather into your room and wait for the police to show up."

"But --"

Her head came up. "NOW, Rebecca!"

I rose, took Heather's hand, and stormed off down the hall to my bedroom. Once we were in, I slammed the door, breathing hard.

Heather collapsed on the bed and sobbed. I waited for the walls to stop shaking and for my anger to subside. As I stood there listening to her cry, I ran the whole thing through my brain one more time. The plan felt right. Logically, it was crazy and dangerous as hell, but when I first agreed to become the Advocate, the Arbiters told me to trust my instincts. Deep down, in my soul, I knew this was the best way to make things come out the way they should.

And I knew I had to follow that feeling, no matter how right Carolyn was about how mind-bogglingly stupid this little adventure really was.

Almost mechanically, I went over to the closet and took down my video camera, I checked to make sure the battery was charged, and I had a blank tape. I went through my purse, but I had no lipstick, just gloss. That won't do, I thought numbly.

Heather stopped crying and watched me, her head tilted to one side. I searched through the desk drawers for electrical tape, but found nothing.

"What are you doing?" she sniffled.

"Getting the goods on your Dad, if you'll help."

"Wha ... what can I do?"

"First, do you have some lipstick? Something dark and heavy, like you were wearing earlier tonight?"

She shook her head. "Sure. In my bag, I think. Not your color, though." Heather froze, stunned. "Where did that come from?"

"From the Heather part of you, hon." I smiled, and she looked surprised. "She's leaking all over Hunter. Just look at you. In here with me, all alone, and still sitting like a girl. Back straight, knees together." She froze, realizing I was right, and I smiled and patted her hand. "Not to worry, girlfriend. After the emotional beating you put yourself through tonight, I'm not surprised. You've been through so much. I'm sure it will fade, given time."

She seemed to think about it for a second, then shrugged and searched through her purse. It had been lying discarded by the side of the bed, and it wasn't long before she came up with a black tube. "Here!" I caught it and opened it, then covered the power and recording lights with reddish goo.

"Now comes the hard part." I opened my window and popped the screen. "You're going to have to be brave, okay? We can't get what we need without you, and I'll be backing you up the whole time."

"You want me to ...?"

"Not want, hon. Need. He's only going to talk freely in front of you, because you're the only one who knows what he's being doing." I took her hand and looked into her eyes. "You trust me, right?"

"Yes," she said, then looked off toward the kitchen as if she could see Carolyn. "But your mom --"

"My mom has too much faith in the law and not enough faith in her daughter," I said. "Believe me, I know how easy it is for someone to find a loophole, no matter how good you think a rule is. Your Dad needs to be stopped, and we're the only ones who can make that happen. By getting the evidence we need to put him away. Okay?" I started climbing over the windowsill, and stopped halfway. I felt the edge pressing up between my legs through the thin panties I wore. "Coming?"

Heather just looked at me. "You're going over there ... like that?" I looked down at the same skirt, tee shirt, and blouse combo I'd worn that morning. My hair was still back in a ponytail, and for a second, I couldn't see the problem. Then I smiled.

"Remember when I got those guys off your back earlier?" She nodded. "I couldn't have kicked half as well in a pair of tight jeans. And since your Dad's kink is young girls, I can also use my legs as a distraction ... maybe. If I have to."

I shifted my weight slightly, and the windowsill pushed up hard into a part of me that was way too sensitive to be treated so roughly. Pulling my other leg up and over, I dropped to the ground outside my window with the camera bag slung over my shoulder. Heather's skirt was longer and tighter, and she had to sit on the window ledge and swivel both legs over before dropping next to me on the lawn. I half-caught her, and we smiled at each other before slipping as quietly as we could across the lawn to the street.

###

As we walked along hand in hand through the chilly night, I suddenly realized I was afraid. All evening, the anger and my concern for Heather had focused me on my mission, but now I felt frightened. Even though I tried to get past it with Carolyn, I had to admit she was right. No matter how many years I had lived as Jack, Becca was only thirteen years old, and she was about to go up against a man twice her size and three times her age.

For the first time since I woke up this morning, I felt ... tiny. Thin and delicate, and undeniably female. The cool air brushing against -- and between -- my legs, coupled with the swing of my hips and the soft bounce of my breasts as I walked, made me realize how defenseless I truly was against an opponent as big as Heather's father. Attitude and anger won't get you far, I thought sourly, especially against a ruthless thug who doesn't care who gets hurt. I shivered in spite of myself.

Of course I was the Advocate. I still had powerful magic on my side, and I was getting pretty darned good at using it effectively, even after just one "lesson." Unfortunately, if I used it directly against Heather's father to defend myself, I ran the risk of destroying any chance of getting Heather back to her life as Hunter.

I sighed.  This is sounding worse by the second, I thought. Maybe I should turn us both around and head for home ... let Carolyn sort this out.

Then Heather squeezed my hand, and I looked at her. She smiled at me through her own fear, and I realized I couldn't back out now. She was taking charge of her life, and counting on me to back her up. She was my first client, and my friend. And I made her ... and myself ... a promise.

The Advocate doesn't cut and run. I smiled and nodded at her, and she ducked her head, a little embarassed. Break a promise to myself the first time out, and what the hell good am I?

So, no magic then, I mused stoically. It's just me, Heather, a video camera, and a red belt in Tae-Kwon-Do -- all against the biggest piece of slime it has been my pleasure to avoid meeting ... until now.

The slime won't know what hit him.

My thoughts shifted to my conversation with the Arbiter earlier this evening. Heather's father was a prime example of the point she had been trying to make -- the inhumanity of man. And yet, I still couldn't bring myself to tar the entire species with the brush he represented. Maybe being immortal has made the Arbiters jaded, I thought. I know some police officers get that way over time, being exposed to so much hate and fear, pain and death. It must be far worse for someone who lives forever, in a job that shows them too much of humanity's greed and none of its nobility.

For a fleeting second, I wondered if I would come to see the world the way the Arbiters did, someday. Then suddenly, I realized that I couldn't. Unlike the Arbiters, I was human, and for good or ill, these were my people. Keeping them safe was my job ... and, I was surprised to discover, my honor.

###

I had never had any reason to go to Hunter's house before, but it didn't surprise me to find it was not so very far away. After all, we had shared a bus stop in her previous life, if nothing else. The house was big -- surprisingly so for just Heather and her Dad -- and mostly dark. The lawn was not overgrown but not recently mowed either. Being October, I guessed that her Dad had let the last mowing of the season go, just as I had when I'd been Jack.

I hated having something in common with him.

A dark-colored BMW 735i was parked out front at the curb. It was a few years old, but seemed in good shape. We crossed the front lawn as quietly as we could, avoiding the sidewalk and the street. On pavement, Heather's sandals made more noise than a castanet orchestra performing the 1812 Overture. I was counting on that noise later, but right now, quiet was the order of the day.

"He's in the living room?"

Heather nodded. "Usually. He comes home late a lot, and if I'm not here, he pours himself a drink and waits for me to come back. In there." She gestured towards the big window.

I looked, but didn't see any light against the curtains. "He just sits and waits ... in the dark?"

She shrugged. "Heavy curtains. He doesn't want anyone to see what goes on in his house. Anyway, the TV is on the far side of the room, facing away from the entryway. He's probably watching ... movies ... getting himself ... ready for me." She shivered, and I took her hand. Heather gave me an uncertain smile. "More ... leakage, I guess. I'm starting to remember the hell he's put her through."

"It ends tonight, right?" I looked into her eyes, and she gave me an uncertain smile. "We're going to end it, you and I. Starting now." I pulled the camera from the bag and turned it on. The viewfinder lit up, but the lipstick on the ready and record lights kept them dark. I didn't hit record yet. I didn't want it to save what I was about to do for posterity.

I had thought a lot about using magic for this part, and decided that something small wouldn't have a lot of effect on the template the girls had used to alter Heather's existence, if any. After all, I wasn't planning on making any wholesale changes to reality, magically speaking. I just wanted to perform a little sleight of hand ... without the hands.

I looked toward the house, and willed my eyes to see past the window and its dark curtains. I felt dizzy as my point of view swept right through the glass and fabric and into the house, hovering at waist level and getting a clear look at Heather's Dad. He was there all right, in a big easy chair with a highball glass in his hand, in a white dress shirt with his tie loosened. He was handsome but soft, as if a good-looking man had melted slightly over time. But I caught an edge of cruelty coming off him in waves -- a focused aggression that could win him victories in the conference room, but seemed out of place in this domestic setting. Or maybe not, I mused, watching him watching television. Maybe he's one of those people who want what they want and go for it at any cost.

Even if it was Heather paying the price.

On the screen, two "boys" a little too old for the football team were having their way with a girl just barely old enough to cheer. Heather's Dad was breathing a little shallow. His eyes were a shade too wide, and I could see the bulge in his dress pants clear across the room.

Terrific. I brought my viewpoint back outside and turned to Heather.

"He's there all right," I said softly. "Showtime, hon. Remember, I'll be right behind you."

To her credit, she didn't hesitate. Heather stood up straight, threw her shoulders back, and gave me a shaky smile. "Showtime," she whispered, and headed over to the driveway where her sandals would make the loudest noise. As the click-clacking of her sandals started, I looked around inside again and picked a good spot for the camera -- a small table near the window. I adjusted the lens for the widest field of view it had, then "imagined" the camera inside facing the man, the television, and the arch leading to the entryway. It disappeared from my hand, and I moved my sight back inside the room to find it exactly where I wanted it to go.

Damn, I thought, I am good.

With my mind, I looked through the viewfinder. Nothing to send to the Cannes Festival or Sundance, but I wasn't looking to win awards. I visualized pressing the record button, and was rewarded with a tiny whirring sound from the camera that went unnoticed under the orgasmic moaning of the "cheerleader" and the video's cheesy soundtrack. Heather was approaching the door, and I ran up behind her, soundless in my sneakers as she opened it with her key and walked inside. I slipped in behind her and let the door swing shut behind me.

"Well," said a deep voice with a touch of a Southern accent. "About time, missy. Keeping your Daddy waiting all night for you to get home."

I looked through the wall and saw him reaching for the remote. A second later, the sound on the TV lowered to almost nothing.

"Hi, Daddy," Heather said in a small voice. She stood just inside the living room on the other side of the arch, with her head down and her arms crossed under her breasts.

"Come on over and give your father a kiss," he said, a little bit of teasing in his voice. "Then we'll play. Tonight you're going to be my cheerleader." He grinned. "Shake your pom-poms at me, then take one for the home team. You know you want to."

Heather shook her head. "No, Daddy."

He froze, just for an instant. "What did you say to me?"

Heather's voice barely quivered. "I said no, Daddy. I don't want to. I never wanted to. You forced me."

 Although he never changed expression, I watched a surge of anger burst out of his aura like a flash fire before he pulled it back with an effort. Then he ducked his head and came up smiling.

"Of course I did, angel," he said, almost kindly. "Little bitty girl like you. A package like mine is a scary proposition, especially for your first time and all."

"Oh, no. You forced me." Her voice was flat. "Every time."

He shook his head. "Oh, no. You wanted me."

"I never did!" She exploded. "Not even once!"

He looked down into his glass, and his voice was cool. "You only said no once, as I recall."

"And after I said no, you ... you beat me bloody."

He nodded, and his voice took on an edge. "That's right, I did. Do you know why?"

Startled, she shook her head reflexively.

"Because you needed to understand whose house this is," he replied, some of his anger rising up to the surface. His voice grew a little louder. "You said no ... to me. So I made you see that 'no' was not an option. Not in my house." The anger ebbed slightly, and he took a long pull at his drink. " You needed to see who was stronger. After that, I never had to beat you again. Because you knew I was strong, and you wanted me because I was strong."

"I didn't! I wanted not to be hurt!" Heather's voice shook as she shouted. "I wanted not to be afraid in my own house! I just wanted you to leave me alone."

"Me? Leave a pretty thing like you alone?" He grinned and downed the rest of his drink in one swallow. "No, darlin'. Not going to happen. Not in my house. Best get used to it, cause it isn't going to change. You're mine until you move out. Now you come in here and give me a kiss, and whatever else I want. Or I will make you remember what I already taught you once."

Heather looked at him coldly. "No," she said in a small voice.

 I watched the rage grow in him, and knew she'd crossed a line.

"Oh, baby." His tone was flat, and his voice shook as he spoke. "You are in so much trouble now, you're going to have to work really hard to make it up to me. You come in here and kiss me right now, and even though I know you don't like it, you get on your knees and take me in your mouth and make me feel real special. Or I'm going to hurt you so badly, you'll look like a puzzle with pieces missing when I'm through."

She trembled all over, and then her anger overcome her fear. "Then people will know, won't they?" She screamed, using her whole body to throw the words at him. "If you scar me, or beat me until I die, then everyone will finally know what you did to me, for months and months. Then who'll do business with you, Mister 'Incest is best?' Why would anyone buy anything from a bastard who rapes his own daughter every day for kicks?"

Without any warning, he threw the glass straight at her face.

Without thinking, I leaped forward and knocked her out of the way with my body. The glass flew by her head and hit the wall behind us, shattering hard and showering us with fragments. Neither of us really noticed. We were both focused on her father.

He froze, surprised at my appearance between him and his daughter. There was a long awkward silence. Then his anger seemed to pull back, and he smiled, very slowly.

"Well, well, lookee here. You brought a friend ... as a witness?" Heather nodded slowly, and he laughed. "As if anyone is going to believe the two of you over me."

 I gave him a look of pure contempt. "Do you think any judge would believe you over us in a case like this? You're stupider than you look."

"Depends on the judge, darlin'," he said with a grin. "I've got a few of 'em in my pocket, along with a couple of prosecutors and a mighty fine stable of lawyers to steer the case their way ... if it ever gets to that. Which it won't."

"I don't see how you can stop it."

"That's 'cause you're not lookin' hard enough." The accent had become slightly more pronounced, almost as if it was too much trouble to keep it from coming out anymore. "You think I didn't see this coming? You think I didn't know she was starting to fray a little around the edges? Girl, every day I sit across the table from men who lie like a rug, steal from babies, drink battery acid for coffee, and eat bitty things like you for lunch with a side of slaw. Got to be able to read people in my business, or you don't get to stay on top. And I like being on top, don't I, baby?"

Heather shivered and stayed quiet.

"Keeping my ass out of jail will be easy," he went on, picking up his bottle and drinking from it. "It's all about making people see what you want them to see."

"Well, you're pretty good at that." I stared right into his eyes. "Otherwise the people you work with must be pretty blind not to see the rapist in the corner office.

He flinched, and I laughed. "Ashamed?'"

"Hell, no," he said, too quickly. "I'm not. Birds of a feather and all. They're just like me."

"Oooo, that's a scary thought," I said with attitude. "A whole office full of creeps like you."

He ignored me and looked over at Heather. "Besides, she wanted me. Every time."

I shook my head. "No, 'Dad,' I think she made it pretty clear that she didn't.  Trust me, when you have to beat a girl bloody the first time she says no just to get her to say yes, it's probably rape." He snorted, and took a hit from the bottle. "But since you're not embarrassed or anything, tell me something."

"Anything for you, darlin'." He smiled.

"Why did you do it?"

He gave me a sideways look. "Why? Shit, girl, you don't understand us guys at all." I must have looked confused, because he shook his head and sighed. "Because she's hot, princess!" He looked right at me, and his lip curled into a sneer. "You're all hot! You know you are. Just look at yourself, girl -- in that short little skirt and the skimpy tee. All that red hair and those pouty lips, and those breasts bouncing around every time you move. You're a wet dream in motion, hon. 3-D porn on the hoof. And I'm a man. Why shouldn't I want you? Or her?"

I felt my anger rise. "Because we're both underage ... and she's your daughter, stupid." He scowled at me. "It's not rocket science. It's against the law. And it's not obvious at all. My ... dad would never have --"

"Don't be so sure 'bout that, darlin'. There's something about young meat --"

"We're not meat!" I snarled. "We're people! Even you ought to be able to see that."

He didn't like me talking down to him. I watched rage flare and sputter in his aura while his face and body did nothing. His shoulders twitched and straightened, and he put down the bottle. I could tell he'd come to a decision, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Fortunately, I didn't have long to wait.

"You're a straight shooter, huh?" Heather's father gave me a measured look. I felt a shock of fear rip through me. He'd gone cold. Way too cold. "Are all the girls your age like you?" He waited a minute, then shrugged. "Heather isn't. She's just a rabbit."

"She stood up to you, didn't she?"

He snorted. "Just the once, then tonight. Other than that, she did whatever I said. She's not hard, or sharp, like you. She's soft. Although I bet you're just the same, under that skirt." He licked his lips and smiled, and it wasn't pretty.

"You'll never know," I said, anger pushing the fear away. "Come too close and I swear I'll cut it off."

It was his turn to sneer. "With what? Your fingernails? Or are you hiding a machete down between those cute little tits of yours?" He took another hit from his bottle, then put it down.

I smiled. "Not so little if I could hide a machete there, jackass. But don't worry. When it comes to cutting you down to size, I promise I'll be creative. There's bound to be something around here with a dull jagged edge. Thanks to you, we've got broken glass all over the place."

He snorted. "Big talk from such a little girl."

"As opposed to Mister 'I've got judges in my pocket,' right? We're talking incest here, not parking tickets. No judge is going to protect someone who did what you did -- over and over and over again." I paused for a second, just watching him. Something wasn't adding up. "What makes you think you're not going to pay? Once Heather talks to the police, you are so dead -- no matter how many big shots you think you've got on your side."

He bared his teeth at me then, in a cold alien grin that never touched his eyes. "Not if she's dead first," he said softly.

At first I wasn't sure I heard him right. Then I heard Heather gasp behind me.

"Run!" I shouted. "Go get help!"

She turned and started for the door, but those damned sandals tripped her before she took more than a step. Her father jumped towards her, completely ignoring me in his haste to stop her from running. Heather gave a squeak and started scrambling across the floor, but her skirt was so tight it made crawling difficult. Just as he reached me, I snapped a hard kick right into his stomach, and he folded at my feet. He grabbed my leg on his way down, but as I struggled to break free from his grip, I watched Heather get up and run out the door.

When he heard the door slam behind her, he growled. Then he let go of my leg, rolled out of range, and rose up on the balls of his feet, teeth bared.

There was a long silence. I could hear Heather's shoes clacking furiously on the pavement outside as she ran away. He considered me from a safe distance.

"That was a bad choice on your part, princess." He stood slightly crouched, hands apart. "Would have been better kicking me in the balls."

"Well, now we agree on something," I said, smiling through the rising terror. Oh, God, I thought wildly. I'm all alone with him. How did things go so wrong so fast? "I won't make that mistake again."

"No, you won't," he agreed, with a tight smile of his own. "Not in this life, anyway."

He lurched forward and I dodged backward, my feet landing in a ready stance.

"You can't win, baby." He backed up again, still smiling. "I'm bigger, stronger, and meaner than you are."

"Oh, I don't know," I said, keeping the trembling from my voice through sheer force of will. "Heather's not dead ... and she's gone for help. I'd call that a win already."

"Well, she'll find herself walking into a heap of trouble, if she comes back here," he replied calmly. "Help or no help."

"I don't see how."

"Well, that's because you're just a little girl, kitten." He threw a punch straight at my head, and I deflected it and countered with one to his stomach. Heather's father made a woofing sound and backed up. He began moving back and forth, spinning his hands, but I kept my eyes steady on his. When he decided to strike, that's where the decision would appear.

"Like I said before, I saw this comin'," he continued. "And I started makin' plans. I've been talking to folks at work for weeks about how strange my daughter's been behaving lately. Then I hid some cocaine and cash under her mattress, and buried some heavy girl-on-girl porn and sex toys in her closet. And I bought this cute little girlie gun in New York on a business trip, and put it in that drawer over there." He tossed his head in the direction of the table by his chair. "See, the idea was, I'd put it in her hand after I shot her with it, and claim self-defense."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, puhleeze!" The sheer girlishness of my response surprised me, and I stopped for a second before continuing. "Like anyone would buy that."

"You'd be surprised, sugar." He adopted an innocent tone. "'Officer, she'd been acting weird for a while now, staying out late, and running with a bad crowd. So I grounded her. The next thing I knew, she's threatening me ... with a gun! I tried to take it away from her, but -- my God, I killed my little girl!'" He grinned. "Something like that."

"What's wrong with you," I snapped, "Haven't you ever seen CSI? She doesn't do coke, so an autopsy will show nothing in her bloodstream. You lose."

"If there was an autopsy, which there won't be. I'll see to that." He started circling to my right, and I countered. "Besides, maybe she was just selling the stuff. Would explain the gun, if anybody bothered to ask. Which they won't."

"But she's not here anymore, is she?" I said sweetly, even though I was terrified. "Awww, poor Daddy. No more crazed killer. Just another victim."

"Well," he said philosophically, "since Heather's not here, I guess you'll be the one trying to kill me, and I'll get her for conspiracy to commit murder instead." He tried a kick of his own, and I slapped the leg away and kicked the back of his other knee so he folded.

When he hit the floor, he rolled to the other side of the room and rose slowly to his feet. That was fine with me. The further away he was from the door or me, the better. Between Mom and Heather, help was bound to arrive, and sooner rather than later. All I had to do was keep him from leaving ... and avoid getting killed in the meantime.

"Oh, that's too, too funny," I said, falling back into ready stance as my nerves sang with an adrenaline high from an unlikely mix of anger and fear. "Tell me ... what's my motive for trying to kill you again? I forgot in all the excitement. Not that you aren't worth killing and all, but I only just met you tonight. And I never kill on the first date."

He laughed. "You are such a hoot, girl, I swear. But you do have a point."

As he thought for a moment, his body moved slowly towards me, as if he thought I wouldn't notice. Then his eyes lit up. "I know! How about a lesbian death pact kind of thing?"

"A lesbian death pact?" I shook my head in disgust. "You watch way too much porn, 'Jethro.'"

"No, no, princess," he insisted, his smile growing again. "It's perfect! I already planted the girl-on-girl stuff in her closet. I'll tell 'em I found it, and when I confronted her with it she told me about you and your little love connection. I told her she could never see you again. Then you came after me with the gun, and I killed you taking it away. She took off, but all of the evidence will point towards another senseless teen murder spree. How'm I doin' so far?"

He lunged and I leaped backward, towards the archway between the living room and entryway. He regained his balance and looked at me from beneath furrowed brows. "Of course, it won't work unless you let me kill you, kitten."

"Won't work anyway," I said with a grin, preparing to burst his bubble. "You messed up, country boy. Heather didn't just tell me. She told my whole family earlier this evening, and my Mom called the cops. They'll be here any minute, and then you ... are ... SO ... toast."

He froze, just for a second. Then his face split in a grin so wide you'd think it was Christmas in October.

"Oh, now that was just stupid," he said in a happy voice. "You made your first and last mistake right there, girl." He tsked at me. "BAD girl, lying to me like that. You should be ashamed."

I was totally confused. "Excuse me?"

"Come on, princess," he said in an "oh so obvious" voice. "I'm a parent, too. And no matter what I do with her, I sure wouldn't send my girl into a house with someone like me. If she had told your Mom, you'd be locked safely in your room, and the cops would have been here first." He shook his head. "No, it won't wash. You came with Heather, you came alone, and you came without anybody knowin'." His voice turned cold, and I could see the resolve in his eyes. "And now you're gonna die here, without anybody realizin' you're gone."

He came at me so fast I could barely dodge, and I wound up with my back to the archway between the living room and the entryway. His momentum carried him to the other side of the arch, and I suddenly realized he was way too close for comfort. He reached for my throat with both hands, but I batted them up and back and went for a kick to the groin that almost reached the target before he twisted and caught it on the thigh. Still, it was full force, and he buckled slightly from the pain.

I took a step backward, away from the archway. I have to get out of here, before he kills me, I thought. But now he's between me and the door. Terrific. I fell into ready stance again. A lot harder being The Advocate when you're all alone and outgunned. I guess that's why they pay me the big bucks. I smiled in spite of myself.

He lurched forward and I brought my hands down on his head. My knee came up to hit him square in the nose. It spurted blood, and both of his hands came up to his face. As he turned away from me, I saw my chance and jumped towards the archway ... towards freedom.

Then he whipped around, completing his spin, and a bloody hand reached for my throat and snagged me up short. For a second he held me suspended inches above the floor, then he smiled at me through the blood that ran down over his lips and dripped off of his chin.

"Sorry, darlin'," he said, his words slurred through swollen lips, "but like I said before, I'm bigger, stronger, and meaner than you'll ever be." He gave me a critical eye. "Damn shame, though, You ARE hot." He shrugged. "Game over, bitch."

He slammed my head into the solid oak arch, and the last thing that went through my mind made me want to cry.

Sorry, Mom.

Then the world went white.

###

"Becca? Becca, baby? Please wake up."

I felt someone holding my hand, and when a few drops of something wet dropped onto my arm, I realized they were tears.

"M ... mom?" I whispered. I tried to open my eyes, and white-hot pain shot through my head. I closed them tight. Maybe light isn't such a good idea right now, I thought. "Ouch."

"Becca! Oh, thank God," She pressed my hand to her cheek, and I could feel her sobbing.  Suddenly I felt ashamed for what I put this woman through, endangering the daughter she loved. I was headstrong and stupid, and I didn't deserve someone as wonderful as her. Sadly, I realized I should have had more faith in her, and my own tears started to flow. "Oh, Mom. I'm ... so sorry!"

"Sssssh, baby," she said through her own tears. "It's all past now, and I have you back." I felt her take a breath, and her voice shook. "For a while, they thought ... they thought ..."

I felt this odd sensation under the pain, but I couldn't pin it down.

"Mom? Are we ... moving?"

"You're in an ambulance, honey. You need to be kept immobile, so you're tied down to a backboard with a cervical collar holding your head in place." We hit a bump and everything flashed red for an instant. I whimpered, and she squeezed my hand. "We got there just after ... when we saw the video, it showed him slamming your head into the wall pretty hard, and ... and ..." Her voice became muffled and I felt more tears fall onto my hand.

A male voice intruded. "We think you might have a concussion, miss, and possibly a skull fracture. We're headed to the hospital for X-rays and a CT."

Terrific. I tried to relax despite the pain. "So ... you saw ... the video?"

"Yes, baby," she whispered. "Everyone saw how brave you were. I wish you could have seen his face when Heather walked over and picked up the camera. Three people had to hold him back, and Jeremy threw himself between Heather and her father and begged them to let the man go so he could take his shot."

I smiled, and that hurt too.

"What about ... Heather?"

"She's ours, at least for now," Carolyn said, a little stronger this time. It was her professional 'I got the job done' voice, and it made me smile again, even if it did hurt. "I called in some favors, and Jeremy's going to put the upper bunk bed back in your room. I didn't think you'd mind sharing."

We were silent for a while. I could feel her head moving against my hand.

"Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I've ... been thinking. Maybe ... you're ... right. Maybe ... I DO need ... to be more careful. Take ... up ... extreme ... bungie jumping ... or something."

I could hear and feel the half-laugh, half-sob that came out, and I felt a little better. She kissed my hand.

"I think you should stop thinking for a while, baby," she whispered, but I could hear the smile in her voice. "I bet it really hurts."

"It does," I smiled. "Maybe ... you should ... dye my hair ... blonde ... until I get better."

That time, she laughed out loud. I turned my head and tried to drift off.

Everything was going to be okay. I was home again.

"There's no such thing as cheap heroics. Most of the time, the hero has
to pay the price, and it's usually more than he can afford." -- C.H. Wagner

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.
 

Hey, everyone! Sorry this next chapter is so late, but it was hard to write, mainly because I hate putting my characters in danger. Also, the first perfect version of the chapter was accidentally lost, so i had to write most of the second half again. *sigh* Keep reading and commenting -- I'm seriously starved for feedback! *grins, hugs* -- Randalynn

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"I went down to the St. James Infirmary, I saw my baby there
She was stretched out on a long white table, so cold, and fine, and fair."
-- St. James Infirmary Blues, American folksong
 
 

"Mom?" "Yes, honey?" "I've ... been thinking. Maybe ... you're ... right. Maybe ... I DO need ... to be more careful. Take ... up ... extreme ... bungie jumping ... or something." I could hear and feel the half-laugh, half-sob that came out, and I felt a little better. She kissed my hand. "I think you should stop thinking for a while, baby," she whispered, but I could hear the smile in her voice. "I bet it really hurts." "It does," I smiled. "Maybe ... you should ... dye my hair ... blonde ... until I get better." That time, she laughed out loud. I turned my head and tried to drift off. Everything was going to be okay. I was home again.

Of course they didn't let me drift off, or stop thinking. The fact that I had lost consciousness between hitting the wall and waking up in the ambulance made the EMTs ask me a whole series of questions -- some of which confused me, since the distinction between my old life and new life had blurred a bit with the head injury. I tried to focus as best I could, and recalled the entire fight, the reasons leading up to it, my name, address, and birthday. They forced me to open my eyes despite my sensitivity to light, then asked me to follow the movement of a finger, and tell them how many fingers they were holding up. I assured them my vision was not blurred.

When we reached the hospital, they put me on a stretcher and wheeled me towards X-ray. I closed my eyes and just let things happen, and suddenly the dark just rose up and swallowed me whole.

###

I woke slowly, still in pain, with my eyes shut tight against the light. I heard the drone of a male voice and the click of footsteps growing louder. From the voice's self-satisfied tone, I knew it had to belong to a doctor.

"... now for something completely different, children. This patient is a thirteen-year-old girl who chose to take on a full-grown adult male in single combat." There was a slight sneer in his voice. "The circumstances are irrelevant, but for reasons I don't quite understand, the entire incident was caught on videotape, and the police have permitted us to make a duplicate of the video to help with the patient's treatment."

Great, I thought ruefully. Now I'm a classroom exercise.

I heard machinery whirring into action, and heard a tinny replay of the last part of my conversation with Heather's Dad. When the time came for him to slam me into the wall, I could hear the thud, followed by a muted gasp from more people than I had expected.

"She lost consciousness at that point and didn't become aware again until halfway to the hospital. However, there was no evidence of an altered mental state. She answered all questions put to her with only a slight hesitation. Why is this unusual?" A short pause. "Ms. Harris?"

A soft contralto replied briskly. "Because loss of consciousness is indicative of a significant brain trauma, which should have made her responses less coherent."

"Given what we saw, who can tell me what happened to that girl's brain when her head hit the archway? Mr. Namde?"

A tentative baritone spoke up. "At the time of the impact, her brain would have collided with the interior of her skull at high-speed."

"And the result?"

"Some tearing of the tissues holding the brain in place would be expected."

"And?" The doctor's voice, impatient.

"Bruising and swelling of the brain itself?" His pitch went up an octave.

"Let's take Mr. Namde off the hook, shall we?" The doctor's smug smile was reflected in his voice. "Ms. Collins, would an impact like the one we saw be likely to cause massive injury?"

"Yes, sir, I believe it would."

"I believe it would, too." His tone was dry. "Tell me, Ms. Collins, what would happen if the brain were injured to the point where swelling made it too large for the skull to hold." A long pause. "Ms. Collins, sometime today?"

A soprano this time, breathless and hurried. "The brain matter would have nowhere to go ... except for the foramen magnum at the base of the skull."

"And the purpose of the foramen magnum ... Ms. Harris?"

"Where the brainstem comes out of the skull to form the spinal cord. If the brain swelled to the point where it would use this as an exit point --"

"Don't anticipate, Ms. Harris. Mr. Blaine, what would it be called if her brain swelled to fill the foramen magnum?

A nice strong alto. "A herniated brain stem, Dr. Samuels."

"So nice to hear from you, Mr. Blaine. And what would the patient become if she were to experience a herniated brain stem?" Long silence. "Anyone?" Another long silence, followed by a sigh. "You disappoint me. If Ms. ... Barnes had experienced a herniated brain stem, she would become ... an organ donor. Brain activity other than autonomic functions would cease, and she'd become an a la carte menu for the transplant trade."

There was the sound of a switch and the fluttering of a large piece of film being snapped in place.

"Now, look at this X-Ray and tell me what you see. Ms. Collins?"

A pause. "No cracks or fractures. The skull appears intact ... totally undamaged."

"Is this consistent with the impact you saw her receive on the tape?"

The timid soprano spoke softly. "No, sir."

"The CT images also show no bleeding, no injury, no swelling of the brain other than what could have been caused by a far less traumatic injury."

Really, I thought. That's ... odd.

"As far as the tests are concerned, her course of treatment involves Tylenol and ice packs as needed." Pause. "Comments?"

"The video is fake."

The doctor tsked at him. "Such cynicism, Mr. Blaine. The police assure us it is genuine."

Another long pause. "What does this incident and its aftermath tell us about the practice of medicine?"

Silence. The doctor's voice grew sharp.

"The moral of this story, children, is that we don't know everything. File Ms. Barnes under medical miracles and move on. She's damned lucky she's not in a drawer in the basement. Maybe this little adventure will teach her to pick on someone her own size, or at least choose her opponents more carefully. Moving on."

The footsteps receded, and I'm sure none of them saw the tears flowing down my cheeks.

###

The hospital room had a big window. It overlooked a fascinating collection of pipes and ductwork that stretched across the roof of the hospital annex next door. With my bed next to the window, I had a pretty good view. It looked a lot like a leftover set from Blade Runner -- so much so that I half-expected to see Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer chasing each other through the rain-drenched permanent night of future noir L.A.

The weather, however, refused to cooperate. It wasn't raining, not a bit. It was sunny, just after dawn, and the light still hurt my head -- although not as much as it had last night.

I passed all of the tests once we arrived at the hospital, and had none of the symptoms of a concussion except for a slight problem with pupil dilation. I still didn't know why, but had been looking forward to getting back home to my own bed once everyone saw how miraculously uninjured I was.

Unfortunately, the police made the mistake of showing the ER doctor the last two minutes of my video debut. Unlike Dr. Samuels, she refused to believe there was nothing wrong after seeing me slammed headfirst into a solid piece of oak, even though the tests looked fine. Since I had a bump the size of a small German car on my left side of my forehead, they admitted me "for observation" -- which is hospital code for "keep the injured person awake for the rest of the night, flash bright lights in her eyes, and make it impossible for her to get well."

I was in the pediatrics section of the hospital, surrounded by children a lot younger than I was. The room was semi-private, and the other half of it was empty, so I had some privacy. This was good, because the staff dressed me in a truly awful hospital gown. I'm sure they thought it was cute, but it was also way too short, wouldn't stay closed in the back, and was covered with little blue and purple teddy bears. At first I didn't mind too much, since no one seemed inclined to let me out of bed. But the first time they let me stagger to the bathroom (after a disastrous attempt to use a bedpan at four in the morning while still getting used to female plumbing), I took a glance in the mirror. A stranger stared back.

My hair looked like someone had stapled a dead fox to my head, and hadn't tried to be neat about it. Since I'd left my purse at home when I went off to Heather's house last night, I had no brush to fix it. I also had no makeup to hide the dark circles under my eyes, and it hurt to discover that the bruises on the bump had changed colors to match the bears on the stupid gown.

Carolyn had stayed with me for a while, holding my hand the whole time. They had to pry us apart for the CT scan -- and the awful noise it made brought my headache back in full force. When the initial tests came back okay, she reluctantly left for the courthouse to act as Heather's attorney as she swore out a complaint. Mom told me she also needed to finalize the arrangements for Heather's long-term stay at our house, and to make sure Heather's testimony about her father's abuse was available for his preliminary hearing. I told her not to worry, that right now Heather needed her more than I did, and that I loved her and knew she loved me, too.

Of course, that was part of my problem, now.

When I had first agreed to become the Advocate, the reasons for my choice were clear. I knew firsthand the kind of damage magical predators could do to a life and a family. The Arbiters and the Omnipresence were convinced I was the right person for the job -- hell, they were convinced I was the only person for the job. And finally, if I said no, every evil done by those I could have stopped would be on my head.

I knew there were people who would say that the last argument didn't count, since I couldn't be expected to dedicate my life to saving the world -- that first and foremost, I had a responsibility to myself. But I knew it was my responsibility to myself that clinched the deal. If I turned my back on everyone I might have saved, I'd never be able to see myself as anything but a coward. I'd never be able to look in a mirror again.

Still, there were other people in my life. And putting myself on the front line as I did opened the door to a world of hurt for the ones I loved. For the ones who loved me.

Like Carolyn.

Every time I closed my eyes, I heard her crying and felt her despair in the back of that ambulance all over again. I had loved her, first as my wife and then as my Mom, for over twenty years. And yet in one day, I'd managed to hurt her, frighten her, and make her cry while almost getting my brain scrambled in the process.

Nice work, stupid, I thought bitterly. She doesn't know you're the Advocate. She thinks you’re a headstrong, stubborn girl who reminds her way too much of the husband she lost. And she almost lost you last night because helping Heather was more important than listening to her, and believing she knew what was best. If it wasn't for some freakish piece of luck, you'd be dead now.

Carolyn had always been there for me, whenever I needed her. As her husband, I always trusted her to do what was right -- for me, for us, and for the family. As her daughter, I had undermined her authority by sneaking out the way I did, and caused her pain and sadness when my plan ended just as she said it would. I wasn't sure how I could make it up to her, but I was determined to try.

I had hurt the woman I had loved since the moment we met. Although I had won, and Heather's Dad was going down, I felt like I had lost somehow. I felt empty, and lonely, and alone.

So even though the light made my head ache, I lay there looking out at the sun-drenched Blade Runner roof and wondered how soon they would let me go.

###

Family trickled in during the early morning, even though visiting hours didn't start until much later in the day. Judging by my performance the previous night (and the way my siblings waltzed into my room the next morning), the Barnes credo seemed to be, "Rules? We don't need no stinkin' rules!" Jeremy brought me a wicked fast food breakfast sandwich and some hash browns to make up for the bland oatmeal and warm juice I had put aside as inedible.

Emma was a bit more practical, bringing my bathrobe, toothbrush, and toothpaste, as well as make-up, hair stuff, and my lavender bear, Miss Abby. While I cuddled the bear happily (one of the small pleasures of girlhood), Emma hid the worst of last night's tussle and sleepless night under a fresh coat of paint and started working on my tangled mop.

"Heather and Mom didn't get back from the police station until after six." Emma's voice drifted down from behind and above me as she wielded the brush. "They both crashed pretty hard when they got home. Heather's out cold in your bed, wearing one of those oversized tee shirts you got on last year's beach vacation."

Jeremy had set up his base camp in a chair across the room, stretched out with his hands in his pockets while Emma and I did the girly stuff. "I'll have the upper bunk set up before they let you out, Becca."

"I hope that's soon," I said, wincing as Emma worked past another knot. As soon as I said it, though, I began to wonder how things were going to be between Mom and me after last night. I gave Miss Abby a tight squeeze. "How is Mom doing?"

"Hard to tell," Emma said in a tight voice. "She was pretty sleepy when she got back. Looked ten years older, though. Emotionally drained." She gave a knot a yank with the brush. I yelped. "I guess that's what happens when you almost lose a daughter. Or a sister." Emma yanked again, hard. I reached up to snatch the brush away, but she moved it out of reach. I turned toward her.

"If you've got a problem, say it to my face," I snapped. "Just leave my hair out of this. It's suffered enough."

"If I've got a problem?" Emma snapped back, slamming the brush down on the side table. "You're the one with the problem. You think you're Buffy the freakin' Vampire Slayer!"

I looked at her, stunned. "I do not!"

"Do too! You went over there last night and almost got yourself killed because you thought you could handle a grown man all by yourself."

"Heather was there!"

"Not when it came down to it, Becca," she hissed. "She ran for help, and then it was you and that ... that bastard in a damned death match, all alone." Her voice caught in her throat, and she just stopped. She tried to speak again, but couldn't. And I watched her eyes fill with tears. "You could have died last night. You could have ..."

She just stared at me, and her lower lip trembled. I reached out, and she stepped back and shook her head.

"I need ... a Coke," she squeaked, and stumbled out the door past a curious nurse.

"Is everything okay?" The woman asked. I nodded yes, even though the answer was obviously no.

###

Soon after she left, Jeremy came over and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Emma's been mad since we found you in Heather's living room," he said softly. "I think she had to choose between fear and anger, and she went with anger because she was worried out of her mind. We all were." He patted my hand. "She'll get past it, sis. It's just because she loves you."

I looked down, ashamed. Jeremy gave my hand a squeeze.

"I need to thank you, Becca," he whispered. "You helped Heather out of a tight spot and got yourself hurt doing it. I won't forget."

"Well, getting hurt wasn't really part of the plan," I said with a smile.

He grinned back, then ducked his head. "How're you feeling?"

"Embarassed, mostly." I plucked at the bear-covered gown. "Even plain white would have been an improvement over ... this."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do." My mind spun for a while. How did I feel? "Physically, my head still hurts a little, and I get a bit dizzy if I stand up too fast. Emotionally ..." I shook my head. "I guess I'm depressed and a little numb."

"Depressed?" He seemed shocked. "Becca, you kicked butt! You're a hero! Heck, I woulda brought you Wheaties, but I knew you'd rather have a McMuffin."

I looked down. "I don't feel like a hero, Jer. Truth told, I feel like an idiot. And I'm the one in the stupid hospital gown, so mine must be the dimpled butt that got itself kicked." I looked out the window, instead of at Jeremy's confused face. "I think I made the right call last night, but now ... the next day ... all I can think of is how easily it all went wrong. How Mom looked in the ambulance. How mad Emma is. How lucky I was." My breath caught in my throat, and I shook my head again. "Numb is better than thinking too hard about what I did."

"Heather's safe and you're going to be okay, that's all I care about," Jeremy said softly. He reached up and ruffled my hair.

I wish it was enough for me, I thought, and for Emma. But I smiled at my brother so he wouldn't worry.

###

Emma had come back eventually, but she didn't speak to me at all. She just sat by the bed and held my hand for a while, and shook her head when I tried to talk with her. Jeremy used the remote to surf the hospital's limited channel selection. This went on for an hour or two, then Jeremy left to find food and Emma went outside to use her cell phone. I went back to staring out the window at the annex roof.

I felt miserable. I didn't complain, not even to myself. After all, according to Dr. Samuels, I should have been a corpse. Complaining about a headache would seem ... ungrateful. But it was why I wasn't dead that actually bothered me, in a way I couldn't quite explain. Maybe it was the headache, but it felt like I was missing something.

When visiting hours actually did start, the first person through my door was Amy. She breezed into the room with a huge flower arrangement and two chocolate milkshakes.

"Girl, you made me so mad I almost screamed," she said briskly, in a matter-of-fact voice. She set the flowers down on the bedside table. "To go off like that, without me to watch your back? You almost got yourself killed! Didn't we pinky swear at Debbie Lister's fifth birthday party to be sisters forever? How could you walk into danger without letting me help you face it? Aren't we bestest friends?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but she sailed on around the bed, a shake in each hand and continued without a stop.

"But then I realized that you were just trying to keep me from getting hurt, because you are my best friend and you love me. And I thought that was really sweet, and it made me all misty-eyed and sniffly about you lying here without me, and suddenly I missed you and needed to be here with you because you did get hurt and you needed me. Sooooooo ... I brought flowers and milkshakes and really big hugs!" And she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed and laughed, and I hugged her back and we just stayed that way for a minute.

She pulled away and looked in my eyes. I could see the tears in hers. "Becca, I'm glad you're not dead, but if you put your life in danger again, I swear I'll kill you myself. I couldn't bear to lose you, so don't DO that, 'kay?"

I just nodded, tears welling up in my eyes, and she suddenly smiled and handed me a shake.

"Shake on it?" she said with a grin.

I threw a pillow at her.

###

The milkshake was delicious, but made my head hurt a little -- pleasure well worth the pain it brought. I told Amy the whole story (well, most of the story), receiving her undivided attention, appropriate gasps, and an occasional squeeze of my hand when things started getting hairy. I told her about my Mom in the ambulance, and how I felt about what I put her through. Amy listened intently the whole time, and when it was time for her to go, I let her know I expected to be home soon -- maybe as early as tonight -- and I'd give her a call when I got back.

"Is it true Heather's staying with you now?" Amy asked.

"Yes," I said with a smile. "In fact, she's sharing my bedroom. Jeremy's putting the old bunk bed back together."

"Wow." For a moment, she looked wistful. "They're so lucky, Jeremy and Heather." I rasied an eyebrow. "The way things worked out, they'll be together all the time now." She smiled. "And they're so much in love."

"Let's hope they stay in love!" I grinned when she turned a curious eye on me. "When Jeremy discovers he has to share the bathroom with ANOTHER girl, he may run away!"

"Not when she's the girl he's sharing it with," Amy said with an answering smile. "Seriously, sis, they're just right for each other. Heather's nice, with a pretty smile, and this shy anime girl vibe that guys just seem to fall for. And Jeremy seems to ... I dunno ... complete her? She comes alive with him, you know?"

I smiled and nodded, and without warning tears started welling up in my eyes and flowing down my cheeks. Amy turned and saw I was crying, and she gave me a hug.

"Hey! You did the right thing, saving Heather the way you did," she whispered. "I know you're sad about how your Mom felt, but Heather's better off with you guys than out there alone in the system. And with her Dad in jail, things can only get better for her." She let me go and headed for the door. When she reached it, she turned around. "Sometimes choices hurt, Bee, no matter what choice you make. I think you made a good one. Be proud."

And she was gone.

###

"Rebecca Barnes?"

It was an hour later. I turned my head from the window to find a tall friendly-looking woman in a dark rumpled suit filling the doorway.

"Yes?" I said politely.

"I'm Detective Dominique Stabenow. Are you feeling up to talking about last night?"

I smiled slightly. "Not really, but go ahead. If it gets too tough, I'll just start crying and page the nurse on duty."

She gave me a sideways look. "What makes you think that will help? I'm pretty good at hand-to-hand combat."

"You haven't met Nurse Katie. I mean, you look like you can handle yourself okay, but Nurse Katie ... well, she looks like she could handle ten of you with one hand ... and without breaking a sweat."

The detective smiled and pulled up a chair. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"Please excuse the fashion statement," I said, plucking at the hideous teddy bear smock and smiling slightly. "I really hadn't planned on being beaten up last night, so I forgot to bring an overnight bag."

"Even Batgirl has a utility belt, Ms. Barnes," she said curtly. "Maybe you should think about that the next time you do something stupid."

There was a long silence ... until I broke it.

"Ouch!" I turned to one side and pretended to cringe. "Detective, please! Wasn't I beaten up enough last night?"

She looked away for an instant. I looked at the curve of her neck and tried to reassert some control.

"Tell me," I asked with just a touch of sarcasm. "Have the gloves come off yet, or was that just a pre-fight warm-up?" Stabenow turned back to face me.

"Metaphorically speaking, I haven't even touched you yet," she replied. "But last night was stupid. You could have died in that house, or been permanently brain damaged. The fact that your scheme worked -- and that you're still alive to tell about it -- is more a function of luck than anything else."

I looked into her eyes.

"You're right." The sound of my voice in the quiet room surprised even me. The detective raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, believe me, I know how dumb I was," I said coldly. "I'm small, and I'm thirteen, and I'm a girl. I had no right going into that house to try to protect a friend from someone like him. Heck, even a grown woman would have thought twice. I knew that going in."

She gave me a measured stare. "Then why did you do it?"

"You've seen the video?"

Stabenow nodded. "I've seen it."

"He was going to murder his daughter, then frame her for pushing cocaine and trying to kill him -- all because he thought she was going to tell someone he raped her, every day. Then he was going to kill me because she got away." I looked straight back at her, meeting her eyes without a flinch. "If I had been a good girl and let Mom just call the police, they would have found a stash of coke and a stack of lesbian porn in her room. I'm sure he would have worked the illegal handgun in somehow as well. If I had done the smart thing, she'd be a victim again. And he would walk." I closed my eyes and turned my face away from her. "Does he sound like a poster child for my letting you do your job, Detective?"

"I didn't say he wasn't scum, Rebecca," she said softly. "But you didn't know any of that going in."

"No, I didn't. All I knew was that someone had been hurting a friend for months and getting away with it. I just wanted it to stop." I sighed. "Would it have changed anything if I knew? Yes. I would have tried to get her out of there sooner."

There was a long silence. "You don't sound like a typical thirteen-year-old girl."

I snorted, but it made my head hurt again. "Puh-leease. Thre's no such thing. The only place you'll find a 'typical' thirteen-year-old girl is in some focus group report about choosing strawberry lip gloss. I'm just me. Stupid little me."

There was a silence, and I found myself strangely on edge. This woman scared me in a way I couldn't identify, and that just scared me more. "So you knew it was stupid, but you did it anyway." She shook her head. "Are you working on becoming an idiot, or does it just come naturally to you?" I said nothing. What could I say? She was right. "Any regrets? Second thoughts?"

I blinked, hard. Things spun for a minute, and I turned my head toward the window. I didn't want to go there, now, with her. But my mouth moved, and my voice came out, and it sounded small and empty. "The only thing I regret about last night was ... how much I hurt my Mom."

"Your Mom?"

"Yes." Suddenly, it was really hard to breathe. "She told me to stay in my room until the police arrived, but I didn't listen because I knew better. Then I went and almost got myself killed, and I didn't even think of Mom, and how she would feel if I .... if I ..." Tears just came, suddenly pouring down my face, and I felt my lower lip stick out and start trembling. "Oh, damn," I whimpered, looking away from the detective then closing my eyes. "I'm so sorry. I just ... This ... this is not ... I didn't think ..."

I started sobbing and I just couldn't stop. I kept thinking about how close I came to hurting my family -- the same way I had almost avoided by turning down that demon's offer such a short time ago. The night before, I had fallen victim to a different kind of demon, and they almost lost me a second time. With Jack's death so close in her mind, Carolyn must have been so afraid, I thought. Afraid of losing me, too. Why didn't I think about that? My shoulders started shaking and I began hiccupping, and all I wanted to do was drown in my own tears.

Suddenly I felt another weight on the edge of the bed, and a pair of arms wrapped around me and just held me.

"Ssssssh," someone whispered, and I realized it was the detective. "I'm sorry," she said gently. "I shouldn't have been so harsh. I thought you'd be so full of yourself, and instead you're beating yourself up more than I ever would." She held me tight, and patted my shoulder. "It's okay, girl. What you did was stupid, but it was also very brave. Even though you were helping a friend, you must have been so afraid."

The floodgates opened all the way, and I just put my head on her chest and cried.

"It was awful." My whole body shuddered with every breath. "I promised Heather I'd help her, but on the way to her house I suddenly saw how dangerous the whole thing really was, and I got scared. I almost turned around right there. Then Heather looked at me with such hope, and I just couldn't turn back. I made a promise, and ... she'd been through so much, and I had to see it through. And I did, but I almost .... almost ..." And I just started sobbing again.

She held me for a moment, until the sobbing quieted. Then she spoke, softly but clearly.

"It took a lot of courage to go forward when what you really wanted to do was run. And even when things went sour, you didn't fold. You did your best, and bought time for Heather, and you got in a few good licks before he finally caught you. That's something to be proud of, hon."

"But my Mom ..."

"Your Mom knew you didn't do it to spite her, or for yourself," Stabenow whispered. "She knew you were doing it to help a friend, because you cared."

Eventually the crying stopped, but she still held me. And I let her, and felt better for it. She stroked my hair.

"Can I ask you something, Detective?"

"You just did." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Something personal?"

"Sure, hon."

"Do you have anyone ... special in your life?"

There was a silence. "Yes. I have a husband, and a little boy."

"The work you do ... it's dangerous, right?"

Another pause. I felt her nod. "Can be."

I pushed myself up to look her in the eye. "When you put yourself out there ... how do you ... how do you get past what your family might go through if anything happened to you?"

Stabenow thought for a long time before she spoke. "It's not something I need to worry about a lot. I spend too many days in a chair doing paperwork, or running investigations that don't involve putting myself in harm's way."

"But when they do ...?

"When they do," she said firmly, looking me in the eye with one finger under my chin, "I have to remember that the minute I took this job, my family became a lot bigger. I'm not just watching over Larry and my little Boo anymore. It's my job to protect and serve everyone, to the best of my ability. And if I do my job right, I get to go home to my boys, so I'd better damn well protect myself too. That's the best I can do, and still be true to who I am. Because this is what I do -- what I have to do, to be me. Do you understand?"

"I ... I think so." I can't NOT be the Advocate, I realized suddenly. I took the job, and there are too many people depending on me to protect them, even if they don't know it yet. I can't quit. So all I can do is watch my own back as best I can, to keep my family from losing me again.

Stabenow watched my thoughts running across my face, and smiled.

"Thinking about becoming a cop, Red?" She ran her fingers through my hair.

"Maybe," I replied, looking down. "But I was thinking ... maybe you don't 'become' a cop. Maybe it's who you already are inside, and you just ... grow into it."

"Maybe." She gave me a sideways look. "You just think a little harder next time, or you won't get a chance to grow into anything, okay?" I nodded. The detective let me go, stood up, and straightened her skirt. "Got to get back on the job. Break time is over."

"Didn't you come to get a statement ... or something?"

Stabenow smiled and shook her head. "No, hon. I just saw the tape and wanted to see who my partner was going to be in ten years or so." She bent over and kissed the undamaged side of my forehead. "You done good, baby. Thanks to that tape, he's tied up so tight he'll be lucky to get out before his social security checks start arriving. The case is so good, the D.A.'s office just laughed when his attorney tried to cut some kind of deal."

I felt confused. "But if I did okay, why ... why were you so mean to me before?"

"Because in a way, you're a rookie, and you got lucky," she said, and gave me the mean look they teach every officer in the academy. "And when a rookie gets lucky like you did, sometimes they start feeling bulletproof. I needed to make sure you knew how stupid -- and lucky -- you were, to do what you did and get away with it. Because we need cops like you, and it would be damned stupid to get yourself killed before you learn how to do the job right."

Stabenow rooted around in her bag and pulled out a business card. "The next time you need to do something stupid and brave, call me first. Maybe you'd like back-up." She handed me the card with a smile. "Or maybe you'd just like to talk. Home number's on the back. Get well soon, Ms. Barnes."

I smiled back. "My friends call me Becca."

"Well, Becca, my friends call me Detective Stabenow," she said sternly. Then she winked. "But future partners get to call me Dom."

"'kay ... Dom." She gave me a smile and a wave and walked out.

###

"Hey."

I opened my eyes and saw Tommy looking down at me. When he saw I was awake, he smiled and took my hand. I gave his hand a squeeze.

"Hey you," I replied, meeting his smile with one of my own.

"Amy called and let me know what happened," he said softly. "I had to get my brother to drive me on his way to the shop. I can't leave you alone for a single night, can I?" He kissed my hand, and it sent shivers down my spine even as a space deep inside me grew warm just knowing he was here.

"If I said you were right," I whispered back, "would you stay with me always?"

He shook his head. "Even if you told me I was wrong, I'd still be there. Always."

"You can't promise that." I shook my head. "You're only thirteen."

"So are you, Becca. So was Juliet, remember? That's what Shakespeare said in the play. We read it in English class. 'Not yet fourteen.' Even so, she knew what she felt." Tommy gave my hand a squeeze. "I know what I feel. Do you?" His eyes held mine with a seriousness that seemed out of place in such a young face. I blushed and nodded. He nodded back.

"See? We both know what's true. We know what we feel. So thirteen is just a number, right? It doesn't mean anything. What we feel has nothing to do with how old we are. It will still be true, no matter what." He lowered his face to mine, until we were only inches apart. "So if I tell you I will always be there for you, I will. Because ... I love you."

Then he kissed me, a soft gentle press of the lips. It spoke more of love than lust, even though it did make my toes curl. Always a good thing, I thought with a smile. Then the smile froze on my lips.

Tommy pulled back, and looked into my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I looked away. "You're not going to ... yell at me, are you?"

He looked confused. "What for?"

"For last night?" He frowned. I sighed. "Because I did something stupid?"

Tommy shrugged. "I don't know how stupid it was, babe. You saw something that needed to be done, and you did it. It's one of the things I've always liked about you. You always do what you think is right." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Tommy pushed a stray hair off of my forehead. "Now, going in alone to take on Heather's Dad ... that was dumb. But that's part of who you are, too."

"Gee, thanks!" I half-pushed him away with a smile on my face.

"That's not what I mean. I mean, you should have had an army with you last night to help, but you don't like depending on anybody, even me. That makes me crazy. Of course, you always make me crazy -- but in a nice way, so I'm not complaining." He bent over to kiss me again.

This kiss was deeper, and warmed me from hair to heels. I felt heavy with desire, and my nipples rose, pressing up against the hospital gown. I reached up with my free hand to caress his face gently with my fingertips.

"Mmmm." He tasted of peppermint and coffee. I never knew they went together so well.

###

After a time, Tommy's brother Vinnie came in and dragged him away. First, he said hello. Then he ran his eyes over my bedraggled form on the bed and gave Tommy a discreet "thumbs up" he didn't think I saw. After one more soft kiss and a smile, Tommy let himself be dragged off. I was alone again. Or so I thought, as I stared off after him.

"He really does care for you." Miss Abby, my lavender bear, crawled over from the foot of the bed and sat beside me. I just nodded. She studied me with a critical eye. "You're troubled."

"Oh, yes," I said sharply. "About a lot of things. One thing about a hospital stay, it gives you plenty of time to think. Especially about what got you stuck in the hospital in the first place."

The bear looked down. "Your ... injury."

"Or lack of same. According to that doctor, I should be dead. Or near enough. Instead of a reservation in the morgue, all I've got is a headache. And a mystery." She didn't move, or speak. I just stared for a while. "You got something you want to tell me, there, 'Abby?'"

"Not really." The bear fidgeted and fussed with her ruffled skirt. "But if we must, we must." She heaved a sigh. "Very well. You're ... enhanced."

"Excuse me?"

The bear looked up and me, clearly resigned to the inevitable. "When we aged you, we took the liberty ... the opportunity ... to alter your base structure, all the way down to the molecular and genetic levels. We ... improved on the original." I stared at the bear like she had grown horns. The bear stared back, defiant. "We couldn't afford to lose you, Becca. You are needed. Magic alone couldn't protect you from the threats we knew you faced. We needed your body to withstand the rigors of Leander's 'training' -- not to mention the possible physical attacks you could be subjected to, just from being the Advocate and doing your job. And for you to die in a car accident or at the hands of a common criminal would be unthinkable. So we made that prospect ... unlikely."

"What did you do?" It came out in a whisper. I couldn't trust myself with anything louder.

"Made you stronger, faster, more agile, more ... durable. Extremely resistant to physical injury or disease. This ... augmentation, eventually combined with your magical abilities, would have made you nearly invincible."

"Didn't work too well last night, did it?" The edge in my voice was unmistakable.

"It worked well enough to keep you out of a drawer in the morgue," the Arbiter shot back, her own temper apparent in her tone.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We would have, eventually." The bear cocked her head at me. "At the beginning of your training, you had to believe your life was truly in danger for Leander's first effort to awaken your talent. And to be honest, we really weren't expecting you to put yourself in danger on the physical plane so ... quickly after beginning your new life."

"But if I had known --"

"If you had known," she interrupted, "you would still have hesitated to use your advantage, to avoid being seen as superhuman on that videotape. As a safeguard, we suppressed your new abilities for you last night, both to keep you from learning of them prematurely and to avoid 'poisoning the well' for Hunter's eventual return. As a result, you fought Heather's father using normal human abilities, and nearly won."

"Nearly!" I snorted.

The bear went on as if I hadn't spoken at all. "Since only your extraordinary resilience was brought into play to keep you alive, Heather's revised history remains essentially unchanged ... from a magical perspective."

"Theoretically."

The Arbiter sighed. "Yes, theoretically."

There was a long silence. Part of me was still angry that this ... modification ... was done to me without my knowledge or consent. Another part was glad they did what they did, since it meant I was still alive to be angry about it. After the day I spent agonizing over what I did to Carolyn, being told I was the real-world equivalent of a Teen Titan left me swimming in a sea of confusion. Truth be told, I didn't know HOW to feel. As a result, my anger shifted to a strange numbness as I tried to figure out what this meant, to me and my future.

I turned away then, staring out the doorway into the hall as I tried to digest what she had told me. I could see Jeremy waiting by the elevator. The doors opened and Heather stepped out. She was dressed in a pale blue scoop neck tee with a long dark blue skirt below, and when she saw him, her smile grew so wide it almost made me cry. She said something, and he turned around, and his arms went around her and they kissed, and tears did fall, from happiness more than anything else. They turned and headed for the cafeteria, which was just fine with me. I had unfinished business here.

"So, I'm more than human," I said to the bear, still watching them. "Better, stronger, faster. Essentially, a super-powered teenager."

"Essentially, yes." The Arbiter's tone was flat. No apologies there.

I watched Emma come up behind both of them, and put her arms around them. I suddenly remembered what she had said that morning, and I burst out laughing. I turned to see the Arbiter staring at me, confused.

"What is so funny?" she asked, slightly irritated. "We thought you were angry."

"I am," I said, tears and laughter mixing in my voice. "But it turns out Emma was right, after all. Thanks to you, I AM Buffy the freakin' Vampire Slayer!"

The bear shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous," she said with a stitched-on frown. "Buffy was blonde."

That only made me laugh harder.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

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---

 
To Be Continued...

Becca's reaction to her newfound abilities is pushed aside by the discovery that Heather is not alone -- and Becca's faith in the essential goodness of humanity is sorely tested when she meets one of her adversaries face-to-face.

by Randalynn

---

 
 
"It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when
you want it to."-- Xander Harris, "Teacher's Pet," Buffy the Vampire Slayer
 
 

I lay there in the bed, holding tight to Miss Abby for comfort. The bear was just a bear once again, and I squeezed her for all she was worth. After the Arbiter had told me I'd been "enhanced," she waited in silence for a while, then left me alone to think. And although thinking was something I had always believed I was good at, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to do next.

I hugged the bear harder, but it didn't seem to help.

I was better, stronger, and faster than the average girl. Hell, I was probably better, stronger, and faster than the average Olympic decathlon winner. And even though it pained me to admit it, the Arbiters were probably right to do what they did. As The Advocate, I was going to have to put myself between innocents and the creatures who preyed on them. I was bound to be a target, both physically and magically. Anything that stopped the bad guys from doing what they wanted would be an obstacle none of them would allow to exist. Logically, I should accept any edge the Arbiters could give me with gratitude, since it would keep me from being turned into a chipmunk, or a dung beetle ... or a corpse.

Still, it grated on me to be lied to -- to be played with this way. How could they do something this profound without even consulting me? I felt tired and angry and used. Mostly used. Oh, the thought behind keeping the secret was sound. It all seemed reasonable when the Arbiter spelled it out for me -- how I had to feel threatened when Leander attacked, so the threat would activate my magical abilities. If I knew at the time that I have been ... improved, there would have been no perceived threat, no fear -- and my ability to use magic would never have come forward.

I held up the small mirror from the make-up kit Emma had brought, and saw that my body's remarkable new healing ability had reduced the bruise and bump on my forehead to nothing more than a dark smudge. Not too shabby, considering that the high-speed impact that had caused the original injury should have been enough to sign my death certificate. I reached up and touched my cheek. It didn't feel any different. My skin was still soft. Certainly Tommy didn't complain when we kissed.

But what if we decided to make love some day? Would I kill him in my excitement? I shuddered, thinking of Tommy with his back broken from a passionate embrace, or his private parts crushed in the vise of my own super-powered ones, right in the middle of --.

I flinched, imagining his screams, then shuddered all over.

No. Whatever they had done to me, I was going to insist they install an OFF switch. I needed my boyfriends, possible lovers, (and future husband) alive ... and fertile.

I heard voices in the corridor, and my head turned quickly. A little girl in a frilly pink nightgown walked past my doorway holding a pretty baby doll, just a few steps ahead of a man and a woman who were obviously her parents, and a teenager who had to be her sister. The little one couldn't have been more than three years old, if that, walking quickly ahead of the older members of the family.

There was nothing unusual about this portrait, in and of itself. People and their children had walked past that door all day. I had watched them go by, when I hadn't been daydreaming about the vents and pipes on the Annex roof or finding out I had super powers. In fact, normally, I wouldn't have given them a second look.

Except there was a man-shaped shadow hovering over the little girl that only I could see. And the shadow was colored a dark gray that I instinctively knew was profound sadness and despair.

Strangely, the girl's face betrayed none of it. She wore a happy smile under pretty eyes and a turned-up button nose, even though the circles under those eyes showed she had not been sleeping well, if at all.

As I looked closer, I could see the teenaged girl who trailed the pack had a shadow, too. Hers fit like a second skin, and glowed with the deep blue of satisfaction. Every time she looked at the little one, it flashed a green that something in my head told me was pleasure mixed with cruelty. She was smiling up a storm as she trailed behind the pack, watching her little sister skipping along in her nightgown.

It was pretty clear something was wrong. Something in my jurisdiction, too, if I was not mistaken.

Could the teenager be one of the girls who threw Hunter into the girl's locker room and changed him? If so, did she do something similar to the person that little girl used to be? Or was this incident another totally unrelated problem for me to deal with? Was she just another magic-wielding cretin to add to my "To Do" list?

My head started hurting again. It was all too much too fast. I'd only been the Advocate a little over a day, and already I was starting to think a vacation looked pretty good. Someplace warm, I thought with a sigh. Maybe a beach. Someplace I can wear a bikini. Someplace Tommy could watch me wear a bikini. I shivered. Someplace he could help me take it off.

I felt my nipples getting hard and shook my head to ward off the imaginary Tommy's talented hands. Don't go there, girl. You're only thirteen. As much as you want him (and girl, do you ever want him), it's way too early. Maybe not for other thirteen-year-old girls, but for you. Hell, you've only been a woman for a day.

As much as I remembered from the first time I grew up, the thirteen-year-old girls I knew when I was a boy didn't ... mess around.

But if that's really true, why do I want it so much?

Maybe your information is way out of date, I felt myself reply. Or maybe what you thought you knew when you were thirteen was just wrong. No young girl just hitting puberty back then would ever tell the skinny boy you were if she wanted ... it. This is virgin territory for you, Becca, in every sense of the word.

I groaned at myself, and dismissed the train of thought for the moment. I had a job to do, and if that girl was involved with the toddler's dark shadow as well as Heather's plight, I had to handle it carefully.

"The world is out of joint," I muttered wearily. "Oh cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right."

Hamlet, act I, scene i. That's one of the joys of a classical education, boys and girls. Every once in a while, you can have Shakespeare do your whining for you.

###

I threw back the covers and sat up. My chest bounced and swayed, and my still-swollen nipples rubbed against the fabric of the hospital gown, sending shooting spikes of pleasure/pain through my body. I quickly cupped my breasts and held them, waiting for the sensations to stop. In this body, even fantasies can be dangerous, I thought, cursing the idiot who took my bra off the night before and hid it. What were they thinking? "Hey, let's send the girl with the head injury off on a lingerie scavenger hunt?"

I let go of myself ... slowly ... and reached over to hit the buzzer. A minute later, a slightly overweight black nurse in bright purple scrubs stuck her head in the door.

"Need something, baby?" she asked sweetly.

"Umm, yes, please," I said, a little shaken by the baby reference. "When I came in last night, someone took my bra off. Could you tell me where to find it?"

"Oh, of course, honey. I'm sorry." She bustled over to the closet. "Missing the support?"

"Sort of," I replied, oddly embarrassed. "This gown is a little rough, and ... it kinda hurts ... when it rubs?"

She nodded as she reached up on the top shelf and pulled down a plastic bag. "Oh, I hear you. I wish they'd change those old rags for something softer. Been washed so often with disinfectant detergents, you'd think they'd be worn and soft. Instead, they're like sandpaper inside. Lots of women patients have problems with that. I guess being in pediatrics, they wouldn't think you'd be quite so ... developed and all." As she handed the bag to me, I read her nametag.

"Thank you, Cassie," I said politely. "Uh ... is there any chance I could get a woman's gown instead of a kid's one? This one looks like it's for a nine-year-old, and it's not about to close in the back on me ... uh, ever."

"Especially not with your curves, baby. I guess girls grow up earlier these days." She grinned again, and I blushed. "We might have a bigger one, but if we don't, I'll see what I can steal from one of the other storerooms. They get weird 'round here about every area's inventory."

"Thank you!" I felt a little wave of relief wash over me.

"It's what I'm here for," she replied happily. There was a pause. "Anything else?"

Suddenly I had an idea. "Well ... I'm not feeling awful anymore, but I am bored. And I noticed there are lots of little kids here. It can't be any less boring for them than it is for me. So I was wondering ... could I ... volunteer? You know, to be with some of them, play some games or talk or something?"

Cassie's face lit up, and she smiled wide. "Bless your heart! That is so sweet! I'll check with the doctor and make sure it's okay, but I don't think it'll be any trouble." She reached up and laid her hand on my cheek. "You're a pretty special young lady, to think of the little ones at a time like this."

I looked down and blushed. "Thank you," I said softly. "But really, it's for my own good too. Lots better than looking out at the rooftop heating and air conditioning exhibit all day."

Cassie laughed and bustled out. I ducked into the bathroom right away to peel off my robe and that awful gown and open the bag of the clothes I was wearing when I was brought in. It was yesterday's bra, so it didn't feel quite as ... fresh as it should have. But as I settled myself into the cups and felt the straps take the weight, I was more than happy to admit it was WAY better than nothing. As much as I loved being a girl, some parts required more ... care than I realized from my vantage point as a man.

Definitely NOT complaining, mind you. Just stating a fact.

As long as I was in the bathroom, I sat down to pee and reflected at how much had changed in the past week. Back then, I was just a freelance writer, good at what I did but hardly the best on the planet. I was a good husband and a good Dad, but hardly the paragon of virtue the Arbiters kept trying to make me believe I was. Although after the day I just had, I did have to admit I might possibly have an overdeveloped sense of duty. I can't seem to just let something slide if I can help.

That little girl is depressed, maybe even to the point of being suicidal, I thought as I patted myself dry and stood up. I'm not letting it go. I won't.

I can't.

###

When Cassie brought me a new larger hospital gown, she told me that I could go help entertain the children, but I shouldn't do anything strenuous. She thanked me again for being such a good girl, and I felt a little guilty about deceiving her. After all, I did have a hidden agenda. But I really was helping a child ... or at least, someone who was seen as a child.

I was starting to wonder what happened to Heather and my family. Mom still hadn't showed up to see me, which was disappointing -- not that I was looking forward to a conversation about last night in the cold light of day, but I did want to apologize. When I was her husband, I was smart enough to admit when I was wrong and throw myself on the mercy of the wife. And fortunately, I was also lucky enough to have a merciful wife. Now that she was my mom, I didn't know what to expect.

I did know that, from her point of view, I really didn't have a leg to stand on. I disobeyed her and almost got myself killed. You can't really argue with that. And when the person you're apologizing to happens to be a lawyer, you'd be surprised how hard it is to present any justification she can't counter.

In short, I was going to have to admit my wrongdoing and take my punishment like a good girl. As The Advocate, I would have to figure out ways to work around being grounded, but I'd work on that when the need arose. Right then, I had a mystery to solve -- and that beats mea culpas and Oprah reruns, hands down.

I tightened the belt on my robe and opened the door to my room, just in time to scare Heather half to death. She let out a muffled squeak and jumped back.

"Hey, hon," I said with a smile. "I'm sorry I scared you!"

Heather looked at me standing there, and tears started falling down her cheeks. Before I knew it, she had jumped forward and wrapped me in her arms and just hugged me.

"Thank you so much," she whispered, still crying. "You saved my life last night. You gave me time to run, and I did, but I feel so bad because he ... hurt ... YOU --"

"Sssssh." I patted her back gently. "That's why I was there in the first place, remember? To protect you. The whole plan would have fallen apart if anything had happened to you. That's why you had to run. And why I had to stay."

"But you could have died!" She wailed.

"Don't remind me, girlfriend," I said with a sigh. "Believe me, that wasn't a part of the plan. But as von Moltke once said, 'No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.'" She looked confused, and I sighed. "German Field Marshal, brilliant strategist. Never mind. Just the trivia that comes with the job."

I gave her a squeeze. "Heather, you're my friend ... almost a sister now, since we're sharing a bedroom. If I had to put my life on the line for you again, I would. Because that's what sisters do. That's what people do for the people they care about. You're also my responsibility as the Advocate, but that's not nearly as important as being your friend."

She sniffled some, and let me loose a little. I smiled at her, and kissed her forehead. I had to rise on tiptoe to do it, which made me a little wobbly, but it was worth it to see her smile back. Then Heather looked down at her feet.

"Your mom doesn't know whether to be angry or relieved."

"I think both reactions are perfectly acceptable, considering the circumstances. On the other hand, I like me, so I tend to cut myself a lot of slack." Heather giggled, then stopped, her eyes wide. I grinned at her. "Yes, you giggle now, hon. It's standard equipment for us girls, so get used to it for a while. At least until I can change you back." She looked at me with an odd look in her eye. It took a while, but something finally clicked. "You don't want to go back, do you?"

"I'm ... not sure," she said in a rush. "Sometimes it all feels so wrong, but other times ..."

"Like with Jeremy?" I asked.

She nodded. "With Jeremy, it feels perfect. And I don't want to lose him, and I will if I go back, and Dad will probably still be free to beat me senseless, and I won't have any friends because Hunter weas such a jerk, and --"

"Whoa, girl!" I took her hands in mine and squeezed. "Don't get all ahead of yourself. You'll have plenty of time to figure out whether you want to go back or not. I happen to like being a girl, but you haven't really been around long enough as Heather to make a decision like this. Take it slow. If this goes on too long, you'll get your first period. That'll certainly give you something new to add to the mix."

She looked confused, then a little frightened. Without thinking, her legs squeezed together. "Oh, geez."

I smiled. "There's a piece of Hunter peeking out." I gave her hands another squeeze. "Not to worry, hon. I may have found another victim right here at the hospital, and I was just about to follow it up. We may be able to fix this before you need a guided tour of the feminine hygiene aisle."

"Someone else like me? Tell!" I smiled in spite of myself. Heather's inner girl was back in charge, and I noticed she seemed more comfortable that way.

I sat down with her on the bed and explained what I'd seen. Heather was very eager to learn more.

"Could the little girl be someone like me?" She bounced a little on the bed in her excitement.

"It's what I'm thinking," I said, rising to my feet. "Only one way to find out."

Heather froze, and I looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

"Maybe I shouldn't come with you," she said. "Maybe it's like with you and me, and you need to be alone with her."

"Hmmmm. You could be right." I stood next to her, wheels turning. Then I had an idea. "Listen, you can still help."

Heather's eyes widened, and she nodded eagerly. "How? Just tell me, and I'm on it."

"I need you to wander around the floor and look for a girl, about the same age as you and I. Dark hair, smug expression. Like she owns the world and you're just lucky she lets you stay." I walked over and peeked out the door before turning around to face my friend. "She came in with the little one, and she seemed way too pleased that her baby sister was heading into the hospital. I want you to see if you can get a look at her without her seeing you. If she's one of the ones who changed you, it will go a long way towards linking these two events."

Heather nodded. "I'm on it. We may not have a lot of time here, though." I cocked my head at her. "Your mom was downstairs talking to the docs. She might be working on getting you out of here soon."

My turn to nod. "Better get to it, then."

###

We split up when we reached the hall. I headed left, peeking in doorways to look for the girl and her family. I passed a waiting room when the parents were sitting, speaking to a doctor with a clipboard. The little one can't be far, I thought, and sure enough I found her sitting on the floor in a room nearby, full of kids and toys and games. A video was playing on an older television, but she sat away from the other children, playing with that baby doll. A security guard watched me enter from across the hall and nodded. Apparently, he'd been briefed about my volunteer work.

I walked across the room and stood in front of her. The tag on the front of her gown said, "Hi! I'm Missy!"

Sounds like a name one of those girls would come up with, I thought. Just the right added touch of humiliation for your average guy.

"Hi, Missy," I said softly, with a smile. "I'm Becca."

"Hi," she replied, not looking up from the doll. I scanned the room. There were too many others in here, both adults and kids. If her transformation worked the way Heather's did, Missy and I had to be alone. I was sure the room was as much a holding cell as a play area, and I couldn't just take her hand and walk away without being stopped and questioned.

Or could I?

I chewed on it for a few seconds. I couldn't use magic to spirit her away. It could mess up the matrix the original 'casters used to create "what is" and make it impossible to return things to what they used to be -- or so the Arbiters believed in Heather's case. How could I get Missy out of here without anyone noticing -- in a room full of other kids with a guard on the door?

I sank down onto my thighs in front of her. Missy looked up, slightly startled.

"Listen," I said softly. "I know you aren't what you seem to be. And I think we both know we can't talk here in front of the others. I think I can help. Want to go for a walk?"

She nodded once, still unsure of whether she should trust me or not.

"Good." I gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Just hang on a second, and we can go."

I walked over to the door and looked down the hall. The security guard gave me a nod, and I smiled at him. He smiled back. I saw several water fountains evenly spaced along the corridor, plus several rolling tables full of loose objects.

Perfect. Just what the poltergeist ordered. A little indirect physical manifestation wouldn't hurt Missy's matrix one bit ... I hoped.

I concentrated on reaching inside of each water fountain and raising the pressure. As I did, geysers rose up to hit the ceiling. The guard's jaw dropped, but he didn't move. I reached further down the hall and started tipping over trays, sending bottles and bedpans sliding across the floor. The guard glanced at me. I looked appropriately confused, and he took off down the hall like a shot, searching in vain for a small vandal who wasn't there.

I turned and found Missy standing beside me. I scooped her up and ran down the hall in the other direction to my room.

Nobody noticed, and I wasn't surprised. Compared to the mess at the other end of the hall, a girl carrying a toddler didn't rate very much attention at all.

###

When I set Missy down beside my bed, she looked around wildly and opened her mouth to speak.

Quickly, I came down to her level and placed a finger on my lips.

"Sssssh," I said softly. "I'm here to help. We had to be alone to talk, right? Otherwise, you can't tell me what happened to you." She froze, her mouth open. I nodded. "Yes, honey. I know something happened to you. I'm here to try and fix it, if I can." Her eyes got very wide. I nodded again. "You're not really a little girl, are you?" She shook her head and started trembling. I put my hand on her shoulder. "What's your real name? Let's start with that."

"Mmmm .... Michael," she said, and stopped. Her hand rose to her mouth. "Shit!"

I smiled. "Bet you couldn't say that five minutes ago." She smiled shyly, and I took her hand. "Please to meet you, Michael." She shook tentatively, then held on tight with chubby fingers.

"How ... how do you know? How can you --?" Her voice was an odd mixture of baby girl and teenaged boy. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.

"Well, that's a little hard to explain, and we don't have much time." I reached up and brushed a stray hair off of her forehead. "The quickest and easiest explanation is that it's part of my job. I'm supposed to track down people who do things with magic that shouldn't be done, and try to make things right."

"But ... but you're just a girl!"

I looked down and shook my head. "So are you, the last time I checked. You of all people should know that appearances can be deceiving. Books and covers and such." She looked at me blankly. I sighed. "Let's just say I'm a lot older than I look." The girl opened her mouth to ask another question, and I held up a palm. "Someone will eventually come looking for you, so we don't have a lot of time. Tell me your story, Michael. Be as quick as you can."

She nodded and began.

###

Her real name was Michael Elliott. She had been a he, eighteen years old and very much looking forward to going off to college on a basketball scholarship. Both of his parents had been very proud, and all the talk around the house revolved around filling out housing forms, getting dorm room furniture, and planning the trip to college in the fall.

Then one morning he had woken up in a pink crib where his bed used to be. Michael looked down to find himself a three-year-old girl, dressed in a baby doll nightgown, a wet diaper, and a pair of plastic pants. The shock had nearly killed him, and for a while he teetered on the edge of madness.

God, I thought, my stomach twisting with revulsion. How many victims of this kind of reality rape just go into shock and die when their lives are twisted this way? I shuddered, and felt sadness and anger settle over my soul -- such a heavy weight that I felt numb. Heather had been very lucky. Hunter must have been stronger than I thought, to pull himself together when he became a she. No wonder she freaked when she realized I knew who she really was.

When his younger sister Gwen came into the room, she picked him up roughly, held him at arm's length, and smiled. It wasn't a pleasant smile. Then she laughed out loud and twirled the little girl around the room, and Michael realized that somehow, Gwen had done this to him. Her. And she started to cry. Gwen laughed again and gave her a shake.

"This," she said savagely, "is what happens to boys with too much pride, who get too much attention. They need to be taught their place!" She carried him over to the changing table. "And right now, 'Missy,' your place is here."

"Missy" just cried and cried, as Gwen roughly changed her and dressed her in a frilly dress. Then she sat the former boy up on the changing table and looked him in the eye.

"This is just the start," she said with a sneer. "It gets way better ... for me."

Gwen raised her voice. "Mom! Missy's awake!"

Michael's Mom swept into the room, half undressed. "Good morning, baby," she cooed, taking the surprised Missy out of Gwen's arms. Suddenly a chill swept through the former Michael, and she cooed and smiled an open mouthed smile and gave her Mommy a big hug -- all while Michael faded into the background, powerless to do anything but become the toddler he appeared to be.

This all happened in mid-July, and it was October now.

Michael had been Melissa Anne for almost three months.

Three months watching all his dreams die, confined to a playpen and a high chair and a stroller. Three months of diapers and playdresses and bibs and baby food. Three months of watching his sister laugh at all the petty humiliations her former brother had to endure. It was enough to make her cry.

She did. And I cried with her.

When her story had become too much for her to bear, I had held her until she stopped crying, and urged her to continue. Everything Michael had worked for had disappeared, replaced by day care and play dates and this unavoidable compulsion to behave the way Missy should whenever she was with other people.

"I can still be me when I'm alone," Missy said through the sniffles. "Or with Gwen, even if it makes her mad sometimes. Or when I'm with some of the others."

"Others?" I felt a chill clear down to my center.

"Hell, yeah!" Missy looked up at me, wide-eyed. "A bunch of guys I knew had this happen to them too. They all ended up like me -- same age, all girls. Except for Travis. He's Tina now, she's not even a year old yet. Travis's sister really must have hated him." She looked at her feet. "Only ... I don't think Travis is in there anymore. I think it was too much for him, and he just ... gave up. Even when we're alone now, he ... she doesn't even try. She just babbles. You know, baby talk. It's scary." Missy took a deep breath. "That's why I'm here, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, look at me!" She gestured to herself with her chubby fingers. "I'm too small to be by myself. And too 'cute.' They're always 'lookin' after me.' The only time they leave me alone ... the only time I can still be me ... is when I'm supposed to be sleepin'. So every night I make myself stay awake until everybody's asleep, then I stay up for hours trying to remember who I am, inside. I have a bunch of notes about my old life. I wrote 'em in crayon and hid them in a secret place in my room. I get them out and re-read them, over and over. And I listen to my old music on a cheap radio we used to bring to the beach -- I snuck out of my room one night and stole it from the garage." Her eyes got a faraway look. "THAT was wild, waddling around the house in my nightgown and diapers, hoping no one woke up and found me."

Missy shook her head. "But I guess I screwed up. I stayed awake too much, and started conking out during the day all the time, and got these circles under my eyes, and now everyone is worried there's something wrong with 'the baby.'" She clenched her fists and shook all over. "Of course there's something wrong with me. I want my life back!"

"Hey, Becca." A girl's voice came from the doorway. It was Heather. She took one look at Missy and squealed. "OhmyGod, isn't she cute?" She rushed forward eagerly, arms stretched wide.

"Back off, bitch!" The little girl snapped, blood in her eye. Heather stopped short, reared back, and Hunter burst out in a flare of anger.

"Fuck you, asshole!"

Both girls stopped and looked at each other, shocked, then at me. I nodded. Tentatively, Missy held out her hand.

"Hey, man. Mike Elliot." Heather took it.

"Hey. Hunter Thomas." They shook awkwardly, then Heather spoke. "I'm, uh, sorry about the cute thing. Sometimes ... this body sorta ... takes over."

Missy held up her tiny hands. "No need, man. One time I got totally into a Barney video. Zoned out for a half hour. Scared the crap out of me."

I cleared my throat. "Listen, we have to get you back to the playroom. I need the names of all of your friends who were changed. I'm pretty sure this is more than just Gwen, and it's a safe bet your friends have sisters who are in on it, too." She nodded and rattled them off. I memorized them. "Also, Mike, it's really important that you sleep soundly through the night tonight, and keep playing the perfect little girl for everyone as long as you can."

She looked at me, stunned. "Why?"

I lowered myself to the floor in front of her and looked her in the eye. "Because you need to get home, hon. I think you need that time alone every night to keep your old self intact, and you sure won't get any alone time here." Missy nodded, seeing where I was heading. "And when you do get home, cut down a little. Be sure to get a decent night's sleep each night. We don't want to make Gwen suspicious and have her check on you and ruin things." I paused as a thought hit me. "In fact, think about acting like a baby girl with her all of the time, even when you two are alone. She might think you've become ... like Tina and lower her guard."

"Trust Becca, man," Heather put in eagerly. Hunter was still very much out front, probably because Heather didn’t want to present herself as 'girly' in front of Mike. "She's unbelievable."

Missy looked at us both, then nodded. "'kay. I'll play it your way." She looked down. "I just ... don't want to get lost, like ... like Travis did."

I touched her chin, and she looked up.

"But it's different now," I said softly. "I'm here. And I won't let this go on. Tell your friends when you see them to hang on. Help is on the way."

She nodded, and smiled.

The smile was still on her face when I walked her back to the playroom. Apparently, no one had noticed our departure or our return. As soon as we settled into place, Missy picked up her baby doll and snuck a look at me. I could see Mike looking out from behind those innocent eyes. She got up, waddled over to me, and gave me a big hug, still holding her doll.

"Dan-kuu, Bekkah," she said in my ear.

"Glad to help, Missy," I whispered back.

"Who the hell are you?"

I looked up and saw Gwen staring down at both of us, a scowl on her face.

"I'm Becca," I said, and held up a hand. Gwen ignored it.

"What're you doing with my sister?"

I lowered my hand. "I volunteered to help play with the kids while I'm in here. I met your sister and we hung out a while. She's very sweet."

Gwen got this weird satisfied smile on her face. "Isn't she just soooo cute?" She looked down at Missy and I saw a flash of cruelty rush across her aura. "I wish she could stay this way forever, and never have to grow up."

I gave Missy a little squeeze to remind her I was there.

"I know what you mean," I said, letting Missy go. "All too soon, babies grow up to be brothers and sisters. And we all know how much trouble they can be."

Gwen reached down and swept Missy up in her arms. "Oh, yes," she cooed softly, smiling as she rubbing noses with the toddler. "I know exactly how that is, don't I, Mickey."

"Still, I do love my brother," I went on, letting her slip slide. "And my sister. Things between us are never so bad that I'd ever want them to change."

"You're lucky, then," Gwen replied, still focused on tormenting Missy with her own powerlessness.

"I guess I am," I replied. I rose up from the floor in a single motion. I didn't want to be at this girl's feet. Hell, I didn't want to be in the same room with her.

I might kill her.

###

Heather was still standing where she had been when Missy and I had left. I came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped and turned.

"Mike!" She said, grabbing my shoulders and looking into my eyes. "We have to help him. All of them." I nodded, my lips tight. Heather let go of my shoulders and took a step back. "I did see this girl in the hallway, and I'm pretty sure she was one of the group -- the ones who, well, did things to me ... in the locker room. After I was changed, remember?"

I nodded and she looked away. How could I forget? I thought savagely. The ones who thought it would be a good idea to molest the boy they changed into a girl. The anger finally broke free inside me, welled up and washed through me, like a wave I couldn't stop. Wouldn't stop. I trembled all over and clenched my fists, trying to control it. Heather noticed.

"What's wrong?" She reached out one hand tentatively.

"I hate them!" I hissed, unable to keep it in anymore. "Oh, God, Heather, I hate them so much. I hate what they did to you, and to Missy, and to all of her friends. Part of me wants to take them all and ... and ..."

Suddenly the anger just left me, replaced with a crushing disappointment I almost couldn't bear. I collapsed on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.

"I'm supposed to be on top of all this." My voice sounded dull and empty, even muffled as it was by the pillow. "I'm supposed to be better than this. I can't let my feelings get in the way of my job, or push me to do things I know I'll regret. But right now, all I can do is think about that poor boy, Travis. One of Mike's friends. They turned him into a baby girl and drove him insane ... for nothing. Or Mike, keeping himself awake nights just trying not to forget who he really is. Trying to hang on to his life and his dreams."

I felt Heather sit on the bed next to me, and felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered, giving me a squeeze. "There's only so much you can do, Becca. You can't blame yourself for not being there. After all, you've only had the job for a day or two."

"It's not that," I said, still looking away. "It's just ... I always thought ... people were basically okay, you know? If you just gave 'em a chance, people would be better than this. But to do THAT ... to your own brother? And for what? Because you're jealous? These girls aren't misguided or confused, Heather. They're evil! I'd say they were inhuman, but I'm not sure I'd be right."

I sat up and looked at Heather. "Is this what most people really are, inside? Give them a little power and watch them turn into monsters? Look at your father. He didn't have magic, but then again, he didn't need it. He had power over you, and over Hunter, and he used it. He was an abomination." I shook my head. "And those girls? They've been doing this for months! Who knows how many other victims they’ve done this to? How many lost lives and lost minds already? How can I find them all? How can I fix this?" I looked down at my hands. "It's just so much. I've only just started the fight. If the world is full of people like her ... like them, how can I hope to win? How can I do it alone?"

Neither of us spoke for a while. We sat there and let the silence pool around us. I leaned against Heather and she put her arm around me, and we just sat. Finally, she spoke.

"Listen. You're wrong. You know the world has more than just evil in it, Becca. There are people like Mike, and Travis, and their friends. People like you and your family, and Amy. Good people, and they need a protector. It's your job to stand between the hunters and the prey and tell the predators NO. And you're not alone. I'm here, too. We'll find everybody they changed and make things right, you'll see."

"I can't drag you into this," I muttered.

"I'm already in it, girl," she replied. "From my long curly hair to the toes of my stylish but affordable boots, I am in it. Hell, sis, I AM it." I couldn't look at her. She put her head on my shoulder and sighed. "You saved me, Becca. Don’t you get it? I would do anything for you, and then some."

I didn't say anything, and Heather shook me a little. "And the odds against us aren’t as high as you seem to think. After all, the bad guys aren't perfect. They made two very big mistakes in the past day alone."

I pulled away from her a little and looked up into her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Isn't it obvious? First, they messed with me, but I don't think they thought it all the way through. Keeping Mike and his friends in line was easy, since they lived in the same house. But they had no way to control me, once they changed me. I was bouncing all over the place, stirring up trouble, and that led to you finding out what they're doing. I think they're getting sloppy. I think they're starting to think they're unbeatable, and that makes them stupid."

I thought about that for a while, and nodded. "Could be. And the second mistake?"

"The second mistake was ..." She paused and took a deep breath. "Well, they did this to me because they wanted to humiliate me and make me miserable. Instead ... I'm happier than I've ever been. I finally figured out that being Heather is the best thing that ever happened to me."

I just stared. "Where did this come from? Earlier today you were freaked just thinking about your period!"

She smiled a shy smile. "I've been thinking about all of this since last night, Becca. It just kinda came together for me a little while ago." I cocked my head, and she sighed. "There I was, with little Missy in her pink nightgown, and we're both trying to be all macho, like the way I used to be. And then, when you both left, I realized what was happening and almost cried. What was I doing, trying to be Hunter? I HATED being Hunter. Hated my life, hated my Dad. I just couldn't see a way out. I mean, how could you stop being you?"

Heather shook her head and smiled. "Then they changed me into ... well, this. And suddenly everything was different. At first I was scared out of my mind. I mean, come on! I was a girl. I was wearing a frigging skirt! Hell, I was wearing a bra -- and had something on my chest to fill it! But then it got even weirder. In the halls, people I never knew said hello and smiled when I walked by. Girls actually liked me. I had ... friends."

"Then I met you in the street, when I was running away from those jerks I used to hang with. And you saved me. I couldn't believe it! Then, when you realized who I really was ... I was happy and scared at the same time. I mean, you had no reason to want to help Hunter. You could have just walked away and left me, and I wouldn't have blamed you. I was sure I'd be all alone again, lost."

Her eyes glistened. "Instead, you took me home with you. You made me part of a family ... made me feel safe again." Tears just started falling down her cheeks.

"Then you went against your mother, and risked your own life to save me from my Dad. I've never had anyone put herself on the line for me before. I won't ever forget it." She squeezed my hand. "And I found someone special who really loves me -- the me that I am, now. Someone I love. Something I never thought I'd have."

"All this in one day. Just from being a girl. And finding you." Heather hugged me tight. "Really, it was all because of you, sister. You made me see that different didn't have to mean bad. You showed me that this wasn't a curse, Becca. It was a blessing. I know that now."

I gave her a hug, then smiled. "Speaking of curses ..."

Heather looked confused for a second, then smiled back. "I'll deal with ... that ... when it comes ... and I know it will. I'm not turning back. If it's the price I have to pay to be Heather, bring it on. My Dad used to beat me bloody at least once a week when I was Hunter. I'll bleed a few days a month for the rest of my life if it means I get to keep Jeremy ... and you."

We hugged again, and I felt my heart start to melt the ice that had begun to form in those moments of doubt. All I can do is my best, I realized. And maybe that's not so bad.

There was the sound of applause ... a single pair of hands clapping from the doorway. Then a woman's voice, full of scorn.

"Oh, congratulations! Another man sacrificing his birthright for the lure of femininity ... of friendship and love and lingerie. Sisters, rejoice! Welcome the next traitor to his gender into your perfumed and petticoated camp!"

Heather and I turned as one and looked at the person in the doorway. Leander smiled a bright smile, perfect white teeth shining from between ruby red lips. The little black dress and sheer stockings she wore clung to her curves like a Ferrari on a mountain road, and her hair was like spun gold, flowing in waves over her shoulders. She was perfectly turned out, and I was totally confused.

"Hello, Leander," I said dully, not quite believing this vision at my door was the same person who lost her temper when I reminded her she was a woman only a day ago. "So nice of you to come visit."

"Oh, this isn't a social call," she purred, gliding into the room with a model's stride on three-inch stiletto pumps. "Purely professional, I assure you."

"Who the hell is this?" Heather stood in a defensive stance I'm sure she didn't realize she had taken -- legs wide apart, hands at her sides curled into fists. I took up my own stance beside her.

"My, my, how unladylike! Manners, girl, or I'll make you go back to birth and start over."

Heather turned to me, confused.

"Her name is Leander," I growled. "She's one of my teachers -- a magic user who abused his abilities to enslave women. He was made female as part of the punishment for his crimes ... hundreds of years ago. She's supposed to be helping me learn how to be the Advocate. And I'm pretty sure she's going to try and kill me."

"If that's her lesson plan, she picked the wrong career. And she can't have you -- not after all you've done for me." Heather took a step forward, and I grabbed her by the back of her blouse and pulled her back.

"Don't, please," I whispered in Heather's ear. "She's very powerful. This is going to be hard enough as it is without worrying about you too, hon."

"Oh, pull in the claws, ladies," Leander said, smoothing her dress under her as she placed herself on the edge of the bed and daintily crossed her legs at the knee. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." She gave me a penetrating look. "Oh, sorry, Becca. I didn't realize you weren't wearing any." I felt my face go red and she smiled. "Such a naughty girl you are. But I'm sure your boyfriend loves you for it."

"If this is another lesson, you've picked a bad place for it and a worse time." I felt my fingertips flush with energy, and my hair began to rise off of my shoulders from the power that coursed through my body. Leander tsked at me, and fished in her clutch bag to remove a compact. Having her ignore me this way made my anger worse, and I actually began to wish she'd make a move so I'd have a reason to attack.

"Behave yourself, Advocate," Leander powdered under her eyes and surveyed the results in the compact's mirror. "I'm not here to kill anybody -- or hurt your new 'sister,' Becca. This is actually a lesson in diplomacy. I'm here to negotiate -- to offer you something you very much need, if you intend to win against your current foe."

"Oh?" I was curious, in spite of myself. "And what exactly are you offering?"

"Information, dear." She looked my right in the eye and smiled wider. "And ... reinforcements. An ally, if you will." When I didn't respond, she sighed and shook her head. "I'm offering ... myself, Advocate. I want to be a 'good girl' and join the home team ... at least for a while."

It's nice to know I can still be surprised after the week I've had, I thought, half-numb.

Now if the shock doesn't kill me, I'll be fine.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

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---

 
To Be Continued...

Becca considers an offer of alliance from an unlikely source, finally gets to leave the hospital, and faces a family meeting to discuss her punishment for disobeying her Mom and nearly getting herself killed.

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock
to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its
own weight. They had thought with some reason that there
is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor."
-- Albert Camus
 

"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity
of human life.” -- Orrin Hatch, U.S. Senator

 
 

When the numbness wore off, my reaction surprised everyone in the room. Including me.

I laughed.

Leander watched me with her head slightly cocked, her eyes unsure but with a tentative smile playing across her lips. She didn't know why I was laughing, but I was pretty sure she knew she wouldn't like the answer if she asked. Heather kept looking at us both, worried about how Leander would react and wondering what I might do next.

That made two of us.

Eventually, the laughter faded, leaving me with a smile on my face that just wouldn't go away. I looked down at Leander, perched delicately on the edge of my hospital bed, then folded my arms under my breasts and sighed.

"Tell me, 'girlfriend,'" I said softly. "What made you think I would say yes to an offer like that? Yesterday, you wanted me dead. Now, suddenly you want to be my best friend?" I snorted. "Hell, you’re almost as dangerous to me as the thing I’m hunting. Why I would want you as an ally?"

"Because I would be a valuable asset," she replied, her smile growing. “You saw me yesterday. You saw what I can do. When I'm not being 'interfered with' by your Arbiters, I am a gifted and powerful mage. Wouldn't you like someone with my abilities on your side? To ... watch your back?" She passed her hands down in front of her body. "Look, I even dressed in native garb, to impress you with my sincere desire to ... be one of the girls. These shoes are a significant penance all by themselves!"

I shook my head. "Sorry, hon. The only reason I can think of for you to want to watch my back is so you can figure out which ribs your knife should slide through to reach my heart. You tried to kill me yesterday, Leander. Despite any lingering brain damage from last night's ‘grudge match,' I’m not stupid enough to decide to trust you, just because you're wearing a little black dress."

"I never said you were stupid, hon." She crossed her legs at the knee. "The outfit was just to establish that I can change, if I choose to.” She sniffed. "Although I do disagree with some of your recent decisions, I know that even the brightest people can make a wrong choice in the heat of the moment."

"In the end, it wasn't the wrong choice ... for me. And it was hardly made in the heat of the moment." I smiled at Leander, showing teeth in a manner more suited to a wolf than a girl. Heather looked confused, and rightly so, since she had no idea what we were talking about. She thought we were still discussing my fight with her father. But Leander knew my history -- and was talking about an earlier choice that really was no choice at all, for me.

Still, I caught Heather's eye and let my smile become real, just for her. She gave me a small smile in return. I turned back to Leander.

"Nevertheless, an offer is on the table. You want to join me." Leander nodded, slightly smug. I let my smile fade. "Why?"

It was her turn to look confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why do you want to be on my side? Whatever I'm facing here, it's big. And powerful. It has ripped reality to shreds and sewn the tatters back together at least five times, maybe more -- and apparently without breaking a sweat. Moving past your previous desire to kill me or the question of why I should trust you -- for the moment -- why should you even consider throwing your lot in with me against something like this?"

She stood up and turned towards the window. "Isn't it enough that I want to fight beside you, whatever the odds?" Her voice was cold, and oddly distant. "Isn't it enough that I willingly accept the risk?"

"No."

"Why? Why isn't it enough?" A hint of frustration crept into her voice. Leander hugged herself, and turned further away. I sighed, and spoke to her back.

"Because everything I know about you tells me you're a bad risk," I replied. "The things you did hundreds of years ago forced the Arbiters to take action against you -- unprecedented, as far as I know. The Omnipresence doesn't like doing direct intervention, or so I'm told. So you must have been exceptionally cruel for the Universe to take such special notice. Not the sort of person you can count on to stick by you in a fight, no matter what she says."

She turned back to face me, and her anger made her tremble. "I keep my word, Advocate," she snapped. "No matter what I was ... what I did ... what I am ... I have my honor. I have always kept my promises. So if I say I will fight beside you, I will. And die if I must, although this life I have been trapped into is not such a great loss that I will mourn its passing."

"But why?" I stared into her eyes, my confusion evident. "Why fight beside me?”

“Why! Why, why, why!” Leander’s hands became fists, her frustration evident. “Why is this so important to you, to know why?”

“Because I know what my motives are," I snapped, letting my own frustration out to play. I was sick of having to think on my feet, and having to explain myself over and over. "I know why Heather wants to help, and I trust her. But you? You're a mystery to me. Almost as much a mystery as whatever this thing is I’m fighting. I need to know why you want to get involved, because it will help me know you better.”

Leander stared at me, without understanding. I sighed. “I need to know if you'll stay the distance when things get tough. You say you'll keep your promises, but I need to know if your word is good. In other words, I need to know ... well, who you are, so I know if I can trust you. And that starts with knowing why. Or this negotiation ends here."

She looked down at her hands. "You would dismiss my offer so quickly, just for not answering a simple question?"

I shook my head. "I haven't decided anything, either way. Since you haven't given me an answer yet, I can't say yes or no. But if I don't get an answer soon, it'll be 'no' by default." Leander stayed silent, and I shrugged. "Look, we both agreed I'm not stupid. I don't think you are, either. Right now, you know you're exactly where the Universe wants you to be. To get anyone to agree to let you help me, I would have to sell this idea to the folks who set this punishment up, and they seem to be very happy with the way things are. I would have to put myself on the line for you ... and I might be willing to do that."

Heather's eyes widened, and Leander raised her head, surprised. Truth be told, I was a little surprised myself.

"But if I can't count on you to tell me the truth when I ask for it," I continued, "then I can't count on you to be there when I need you. So I ask again, for the last time ... why should I trust you?"

There was a long silence. We stared into each other's eyes, and I saw her defiance fade slowly, replaced by a resolve born of desperation, and sadness, and fear. She held my eyes with hers, and then she spoke.

"Because I know what you face, and I hate it far more than I hate the Arbiters. More than I hated ... you." Her voice held an edge so sharp, I could taste the bitterness and despair clear across the room. Heather took a step back, as if the force of the emotion itself had pushed her. "Because the Arbiters didn't do ... this ... to me, Advocate. Oh, they relished the irony and used it as part of my punishment, but I was a ... victim first. The same power that changed your friend there ... the same reality-bending nightmare that has allied itself with those girls to torment those boys. It took everything away from me, changed me from a demi-god to the powerless wife of a boorish peasant farmer ... in an instant."

Leander turned away and began to pace in her four-inch heels, arms folded tightly under her breasts as if she was hugging herself.

"Always anxious to please him, always cooking and cleaning and ... opening myself to him every night so he could ... he could ..." She shivered. "It went on for weeks. Without me to hold it together, I watched my mighty empire crumbling only a mile up the road -- watched it fall apart while my 'husband' plowed me like a field and spent himself inside me every chance he got, when I wasn't bleeding like a stuck pig. And whatever it was ... whatever did this to me ... it made me want him, whenever I was with him.”

Leander stopped and stared out the window, seeing her past. “That's how your Arbiters found me. They didn’t know how I had been brought low, but they didn't care. They just made it permanent, so it went on and on and on. Hundreds of years of servitude and rape, day after day, decade after decade ..."

Anger flashed across her aura. She turned to face me, and I could see it fill her soul.

"Yes, I did horrible things in my time," she snarled, "but I'm not sorry, because horrible things were done to me in return. I have been used and discarded for centuries -- a plaything instead of a person, deprived of even the pretense of freedom for far longer than anyone could even remember the crimes I had committed. And I will NOT 'repent,' because in the end, no one has shown me why what I did was any worse than what your Arbiters have done to me. In the end, they were no better than I was. All this punishment has done for me is given me a chance to prove I am better than their 'justice.' I have endured, and I will endure forever, and my hatred will only grow with time."

Then her eyes welled up and the tears came, rolling down her cheeks as if she didn't even notice they were there.

"You wanted to know why I want to join you? Because I cannot strike out at them. I cannot hurt them. So instead, I will kill the thing that took my life away and thrust me into this weak shell, so they could trap me in it. THAT is why I will fight at your side. And that is why you will trust me. Because you will know, more than anything else, that I want this thing dead. And I will not stop until it is destroyed. Or I am."

She shook all over, her body torn between anger and despair. Despite everything that had happened yesterday, and all that I knew of her past -- I felt for her. I had to fight hard to stay where I was. I wanted to go to her, to try and comfort her. To make it all better, somehow. I felt strangely angry, as if her confession had stirred something in me, but I didn't know where it was coming from or why. I reached out a hand --

"Becca!"

I turned toward the urgent whisper, and saw Heather standing just inside the doorway to the room. "It's your Mom! She's here!"

I turned back to Leander, but she had gone. Nothing but the lingering scent of her perfume remained ... and the nagging feeling of unfinished business.

I still hadn't given her an answer.

###

Carolyn walked through the doorway and stopped. She stood there in jeans and a button down blouse, her hair loose around her shoulders, and her face looked as if she had aged ten years since we spoke the night before. Her eyes searched my face, wandering up to where my injury had been, and I saw her lip start to quiver. Mine began to shake as well, and I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her as we both started to cry.

"Oh, God, you're all right," she whispered through the tears. "The doctors said ... but I was so worried, Becca, so very worried."

"Mommy, I'm so sorry," I sobbed, "I didn't mean ... I didn't want ... I'm so sorry!"

"I know, baby," she replied softly, squeezing me gently. "I'm sorry, too." We just held each other for a while, until the crying tapered off, then she pulled back a little. "We need to talk about what happened last night, Becca, as a family. But not here." Carolyn handed me a plastic bag full of clothes. "Get dressed, honey. We're going home."

She noticed Heather standing uncomfortably by the door, then smiled and held out her hand. When Heather reached out and took it, Carolyn pulled the girl into our hug and kissed her forehead. "All of us, going home."

Then Heather started crying happy tears, and Mom and I lost it again.

###

The bag held simple stuff -- a fresh bra and matching panties, a pale blue scoop neck tee, a short denim skirt, and low sandals with a denim strap. When I saw what she had brought, I squealed, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and practically ran into the bathroom to change.

If I never saw another hospital gown again, it would be too soon.

When I came out, hair brushed and freshly made up, Jeremy and Emma were waiting, along with my friend Cassie the nurse, standing behind a wheelchair. She was telling Carolyn about my volunteering to entertain the sick children. Jeremy had his arm around Heather, pressing her body into his. Judging by the look on her face, Heather seemed quite happy to be held.

Emma, on the other hand, was still quiet, and avoided looking at me when I came out. I sighed, went over, and kneeled at her feet. She looked down in spite of herself.

"Becca, what are you doing?" Her voice trembled a little.

"Begging your forgiveness," I replied, eyes down. "You deserve an apology. I am so sorry I scared you, Emma. I really am. I didn't mean for any of it to happen, but it did, and it was my fault. I was stupid, and I scared you, and I scared Mom, and I am really, really sorry. Please don't be mad at me anymore. I don’t think I could take it if you were."

"You scared me, too, sis," Jeremy piped up across the room, "but I forgave you already 'cause you saved my girl." Heather gave him a mock punch in the ribs as she smiled, and he lifted her chin and brushed her lips softly with his while Mom pretended not to notice. I stayed right where I was, just waiting, and finally Emma fell to her knees in front of me and gave me a hug.

"I can't stay mad at you, Becca," she said softly. "You're my sister and I love you, no matter how stupid you are sometimes. But don't you dare do that to me again, 'kay? If I lost you, I'd ..." She just stopped.

I pressed myself into her, hugging her back. "I'll try, sis, I swear."

Emma smiled. "That's the best I'm going to get, huh?" I nodded, and she laughed and hugged me again. "I guess it'll have to do."

"Ms. Barnes," Cassie announced, "your chariot awaits. So climb aboard and get the heck out of here before someone notices the 'miracle girl' is checking out."

"'Miracle girl?'" Mom looked at Cassie, and she shrugged.

"Some of the interns started calling her that, and it stuck. They keep playing the video down in the ER every time a new shift starts. Your daughter here can really move. And the fact she's still okay makes them gasp. I'm surprised you haven't seen a line of tourists outside your door, peeking in to see the girl wonder."

"I'm not." Everyone turned to see a tall man in a white lab coat filling the doorway. His hair was black but graying at the temples, and he had the sort of aging good looks that would have melted middle-aged hearts everywhere -- if his face hadn't been set with an expression of perpetual arrogance that would have sent any sensible woman running for cover.

He walked into the room. "When I saw what was happening, I confiscated the tape and told everyone on staff that any person I see in this room without a damned good reason to be here will be fired. No one is turning my hospital into a freak show."

Just then I recognized the voice ... and the attitude.

"Hello, Dr. Samuels."

The doctor cocked his head at me, and his eyes narrowed. "Do I know you, young lady?"

I stared right back at him, and kept my voice level. "I'm the 'freak,' sir. Rebecca Barnes. The 'medical miracle' you told your students about this morning. You said I was 'damned lucky' I wasn't in a drawer in the basement."

"Hmmm. You were awake for all that?"

"Yes, sir, I was."

"Good. Then you understand how close you were to not being awake at all, ever. Next time, maybe you'll pick on someone your own size." Samuels raised his head and flicked his fingers at Cassie and my family. "Shoo, all of you. Ms. Barnes isn't getting out of here without a final medical exam, and I don't need an audience."

Mom spoke up, her tone clipped. "You're having one anyway. Kids, go wait out in the hall."

"You too, 'Mom.'" Samuels looked down at her.

"I don't think so." I could see her set her jaw, and smiled. This was going to be fun.

"It's not your call," he said curtly. "I'm the doctor. I make the rules here. And I say you go."

Carolyn looked up at him, and caught his eyes with hers. "And I'm the parent. She's thirteen years old and I am legally entitled to be here. I'm also a very good attorney in need of a hobby. So if you keep me away from my daughter while you examine her, you'll find out how much trouble this 'Mom' can be for you, your hospital, and your insurance rates. I stay ... or you pay."

Mom stayed.

###

For all of the build-up, the examination itself was nothing much. The swelling had gone down to nearly nothing, and the bruise had become a slight discoloration, easily hidden by an artful application of cosmetics. Without looking at Carolyn again, the doctor pronounced me fit to leave.

As he turned to go, he took something from the pocket of his lab coat. It was the copy of the video from last night.

"Here." Samuels tossed it to me. "Take that with you. The next time you want to go one-on-one with a grown man, stick it in the VCR and remember what happened the last time. You were lucky ... once. If you stay lucky, or get smart, I won't be seeing you again."

Without another word, he turned on his heel and strode purposefully from the room.

###

Home was ... home. After the past two days, it seemed alien somehow, as if it should be flashing in neon colors or shimmering like a ghost instead of sitting there, all warm and safe and happy-looking as dusk crept over the landscape.

My room was my room, although there was a second bed above mine, and some of Heather's things were stacked in piles here and there. Apparently she and Mom had visited her house with a police officer in attendance and taken what they could carry. We stood in the center of the mess and surveyed the damage.

"There's room in the closet for your clothes, and I suppose I can clear a few drawers in the dresser," I mused. "I know there's stuff in there I haven't worn since sixth grade."

"Probably won't fit now," Heather said with a grin. "With you getting all ... curvy and bouncy and everything."

I gave her a shove. "Well, you can talk. You practically 'blossomed' overnight."

She giggled and shoved me back, and I fell onto the lower bed as she started tickling me. I wriggled desperately, trying hard to get away from those fingers of doom.

"H.....h.....Heather, don't!" I pleaded through the laughter. She shook her head.

"Oh, the mighty Becca, laid low by my magic fingers!"

I reached out with my own fingers and tickled her, and she immediately shrieked and collapsed with a startled look on her face.

"I ... I'm not ... I'm not ticklish!!" She squealed, and I laughed.

"You are now, 'sis!'" I tickled her harder. "Do you give?"

"I give, I give!" Heather collapsed on the floor, her skirt halfway up her legs, breathing heavily.

Mom appeared in the doorway.

"Girls, I'm ordering pizza tonight," she said, phone in hand, apparently trying hard to ignore the spectacle of two teens behaving like six-year-olds. "Any requests for toppings?"

Both Heather and I shook our heads. Jeremy popped his head out of his door.

"Anchovies?"

In unison, Heather and I shouted, "Oh, God, NO!" Then we looked at each other and started giggling again.

Jeremy made a mock frown. "Oh, I can see how things are going to go around here from now on! And I thought Emma and Becca were bad enough!" He grinned, pulled back into his room and shut the door.

Carolyn looked at the two of us on the floor, still laughing, and said, "I'll just order a few different pies. And we still have a family meeting tonight to discuss what happened yesterday, Becca. Don't forget."

That sobered me up instantly. "Yes, Mom."

She closed the door behind her, and Heather looked at me.

"She's been so quiet since yesterday, Becca," she said softly, falling back onto her back and staring at the ceiling. "I've been with her a lot, but I just don't know what she's thinking."

I sat up and looked down at her. "Don't worry about it, hon," I replied, "I've never known what she's thinking," Then I thought a bit, and smiled. "Well, almost never. But it's all right. I did what I did to keep you safe, and I'll do what I need to do to make things right with Mom again. Whatever it takes."

"You're awfully calm about it."

I shrugged. "I'm guilty. She's right. I have to be punished because I disobeyed. And as a wise black Jewish man once said, 'Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.'" She cocked her head, and I sighed. "Sammy Davis, Jr., singing the theme from the T.V show 'Baretta.' I take my pearls of wisdom where I can find them, sis."

It was quiet for a while, then Heather spoke.

"What will you do about Leander?" Her tone was tentative, as if she wasn't sure she should even be bringing the topic up. "Isn't that ... doing the time for doing the crime?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "Part of me wants to leave her where she is. I have enough to worry about without adding her issues to the mix. But part of me ... honestly, Heather, there's something in me that says I need to take her in. Something in me says her punishment is wrong, and I have a chance to make it right." I shook my head. "Is it my need to try and help everybody? Are my instincts telling me something about Leander? Or is it just a good tactical decision?"

She looked sideways at me from the floor. "You sure use a lot of big words for a thirteen-year-old."

I picked up a book. "It's called 'reading,' girl. I'm addicted. You should try it sometime." I dropped it on her stomach, and she gave an ooof before picking it up and looking at the cover.

"Stranger in a Strange Land?"

"By Robert A. Heinlein, yes."

"That's science fiction!" I nodded, and she groaned. "Oh my god, my new sister is a geek!"

Apparently, the groan carried, because the door swung open and Emma stood there, smiling.

"Yes, she is," she said happily. "It's best that you know now, Heather. She caught it from our dad. It's incurable, too."

"How can I help her?" Heather wailed, closing her eyes tight and shaking her head from side to die in mock denial. "Oh, what can I do?"

"Learn to 'grok Spock?'" I smiled.

"Noooooo! A Trekkie, too?"

"Yes, but not evangelical." I picked the book up and riffled the pages at her. "And we prefer Trekker. Besides, I think you've got some geek girl in you too. After all, weren't you watching Firefly with Jeremy last night?"

She shook her head violently. "Oh, no! He was watching Firefly. I was just watching him."

"More than watching, I think," Emma said. Heather blushed.

"Well, be prepared to do a lot of that, sis," I smiled down at her. "Jeremy's as much a geek as I am."

"He is?" I nodded. Heather thought about it a few seconds, then grinned.

"Then for our love, I must submit," she said dramatically with a glint in her eye. "For him, I will boldly go where I have never gone before. I will embrace ... my inner geek." She rolled her eyes, threw one arm over her eyes, and sighed. "Oh, the things we do for our men!"

Laughing, I hit her with a pillow, and after the third swat, Emma joined in.

###

After the impromptu pillow fight, I escaped to the bathroom for a much needed stop. After I had finished, I went over to the sink to wash my hands and smiled when I caught a glimpse of the new me in the mirror. In spite of everything that had happened, I had to smile when I saw the girl I had become. I hoped I would never lose the warm glow that came from seeing and feeling and being what I always knew I was, inside.

I turned sideways to check out the curve of my breasts against the tee shirt, but my reflection did not turn with me. Instead, the mirror me put a finger to her lips and spoke.

I heard her voice inside my head. Leander deserved the punishment he received, Becca, it said sternly.

The Arbiters.

No, I thought back fiercely. Since hearing Leander's story, I had been angry without knowing why. Suddenly, everything came together, and I knew what had been bothering me since Leander's confession. You're wrong, all of you. He deserved better.

The mirror Becca looked astonished. He used his magic to take what he wished, who he wished. He raised false emotions in others, changed love into hate, turned neighbors against each other. He destroyed couples, families ... entire villages! He nearly drove an entire continent into war! When we found that he had become a she, we thought extending that sentence was appropriate — taking her from power to powerlessness forever. What would you have had us do?

Find a way to redeem her, I replied. Punish her in a way that would have gone beyond punishment, to teach her why what she did was wrong and give her a chance to reform. Give her a sentence that would make her become something ... better. By turning her into a slave forever, all you've done is made certain she will never change.

She would never have changed. The Becca in the mirror looked smug.

I shook my head. You don't know that. Five hundred years ago, you assumed she was a lost cause, and treated her that way. You trapped her in a woman-shaped box for all eternity and forced her to be a toy ... and you thought somehow that would make it all better?

It wasn't supposed to make anything better! My reflection put its hands on its hips, angry at being challenged. It was a punishment! She was evil!

Of course she was, but she didn't have to stay that way! People change! I mentally growled. Why can't you see what you've done?

I thought furiously, trying to find a way to show them their error, when a stray thought brought me up short.

Your prime responsibility has always been to punish magical creatures who have sworn and broken oaths? I asked.

The mirror me looked at me oddly for a moment, then nodded. Or have transgressed explicitly against restrictions implicit to their existence and place in Creation.

I spoke carefully. Was Leander the first human you ever punished?

Her eyes narrowed. Yes. What does that have to do with anything?

Quite a lot, I said, finally on solid ground. Every entity you punished before was a magical creature. They were immortal and predatory and set in their ways. And because you knew they would never change, you found ways to torture them forever, in prisons they could never leave.

I leaned forward on the sink and stared into my own eyes reflected. But what makes us humans different is our ability to change. We can be better than we are, if given a chance. You've taken that chance away, and left her nothing but hate to feed on. You have wasted a soul with a soulless punishment.

I shook my head. I should have expected this from our earlier conversations. You're smart and powerful, but you don't really understand people at all. With faith and a little wisdom, you can help anyone change. You've just been watching humanity screw up for so many millennia, you don't believe we have it in us. That's what you've been telling me since we first met. You don't think we can be better. And that's just wrong.

I could see the mirror me becoming angry. We're wrong? You continue to insist humanity is better than it is, despite all the evidence to the contrary. What does that make you?

The Advocate, I replied. Chosen to stand up for all humans wronged by magical beings ... like you. After what you've done, I'd say Leander qualifies. And as for humanity ... well, if we're worth so little, why does the Omnipresence care so much ... about us?

My reflection looked shocked, then the image jumped suddenly and went back to being just a reflection. There was a knock on the door.

"Becca?" Emma sounded concerned. "The pizza is here. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, sis," I replied. "Be right out."

###

Dinner was calm and happy, in spite of the upcoming family meeting. I only had two slices, since Becca's appetite was far less than Jack's had ever been. I was glad of it — if I ate like Jack did in this body, I knew I'd look like the Staypuft Marshmallow girl by Thanksgiving. I noticed Heather eyeing a third slice, but I saw her glance at Jeremy and decide against it.

She's only been a girl two days and already she's watching her figure. I smiled to myself. Or maybe she just knows that Jeremy is watching it, and likes what he sees.

Everyone seemed happy I was home and relatively unharmed, but I noticed things becoming quieter as we approached the end of the meal. I remembered how family meetings used to work, back when I was Jack. Carolyn had come up with a sort of "people's court," where the rules were clearly understood and everyone usually agreed with the decisions made there. She and I were the judges, and it was all very formal, very correct, and very fair. I knew it was necessary to keep the family whole and at peace, but I had never been on the receiving end of one of these courts martial before. I wasn't looking forward to it now.

Finally, Carolyn took her napkin from her lap, patted her lips, and placed it on the table.

"Rebecca Jane, please stand." Her voice was carefully neutral, and I put my own napkin down and did as she said. I stood up straight, shoulders back, and eyes front. "Last night, you deliberately disobeyed me. You went to Heather's house against my express instructions, did just as you pleased, and nearly got yourself killed. It was only by an incredible stroke of luck that you avoided massive brain damage and death. You scared everyone in this house and put yourself in grave danger, even after you promised me a few hours earlier that you would be careful. Have you anything to say for yourself?"

Heather looked back and forth at us both, taking everything in with a worried look on her face.

"Ma'am, you are correct on all counts," I said formally, looking intently at nothing at all. "I did all that you said, and for that I am truly sorry. Although some good did come out of my disobedience, it does not excuse the offenses I committed, and I do not wish to excuse them. I was clearly wrong to disobey you. I am ready to face punishment."

Carolyn's eyes widened slightly. I had taken her completely by surprise. She had braced herself for a spirited defense, but here I was, admitting my guilt and throwing myself on the mercy of the court.

"You admit you were wrong?" Her voice wavered, just slightly. I nodded.

"You're my Mom," I said, my voice catching slightly. "All you wanted to do was keep me safe. It was disrespectful to ignore your fear and concern, and cruel to put myself in danger so soon after ... after you lost Dad." Suddenly, I found myself feeling Becca's pain at losing ... me! Memories of our time together before my death, remembering his hugs ... my hugs. The baseball games, the movies we shared. How was this happening?

Tears filled my eyes, but I did my best to ignore them. I couldn't handle this now. "Ma'am, I deserve any punishment you would care to name. Just ... try to remember ... I wasn't doing it to hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt any of you. I just wanted to help Heather." My lip quivered, but I stood up straighter, and kept control. "And even though it was wrong to disobey you ... I would do it again, if I had to. Because no one deserves to go through what she went through for so long if there's a way I can stop it." The tears ran down my face, but I went on. "As Dad used to say, 'The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.' How could I do nothing in the face of what I knew?"

Carolyn saw me hurting, and knew I was telling the truth. She looked down at the table for a moment, then raised her head. "Does anyone have anything to say before punishment is pronounced?"

There was a silence, then Heather began to raise her hand. I caught her eye and shook my head slightly. The hand went down.

Mom gave me a little smile and nodded. Everyone waited quietly for her decision, and after a long silence, Carolyn sighed and spoke.

"The fact that you admit you were wrong to disobey me goes a long way, Becca. But the truth is, I've thought a lot about last night, and about who did what, and I don't think I handled it well, either." She looked down at her hands. "I was very afraid for you both, and I pulled rank instead of listening to what you had to say. Maybe if we both had listened to each other, we could have run the idea past the police when they arrived, and maybe done what you wanted to do the right way -- safely, with back-up."

Mom looked back at me, and there was sadness in her eyes. "Still, you're my daughter, and what you did hurt me and scared me. A lot. I hate to admit it, but a part of me really wanted to make you suffer. It thought I should ground you for a year, or make you write 'I was incredibly stupid' a zillion times." Then she smiled, just a little, and I saw a pride shining through that no amount of pain could disguise. "But the rest of me looked a little harder at what happened last night, and saw you put yourself on the line to help a friend, because you thought it was the right thing to do."

"What you did last night shows me that you're truly your father's daughter. How could I punish you for being so much like your Dad? Part of why I fell in love with him was his devotion and loyalty to the people he loved, and his commitment to what he thought was right. I don't want you to lose that, not ever. How could I punish you for being what we raised you to be?" She shook her head, then gave me a shaky smile. "Besides, after what happened to you last night, I can't think of anything I could do that would do a better job of convincing you to be more careful than a head trauma and a near-death experience."

Carolyn reached out and took my hand, breaking the ritual of the court. I looked down at her, surprised, and she caught my eyes. "I'll do my best to listen better from now on, baby," she said softly. "Just ... you listen, too, okay? And think a little more before you tilt at windmills?"

I nodded, then slipped to my knees and rested my head on her arm in a sort of tiny hug.

"I will, Mom," I whispered back. "I promise."

###

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Heather and I went through my drawers and the closet, looking for things to pack away or pass on to her. As the pile of my old things began to grow, she started getting ready to try some of my old outfits on. But the first time she started to undress in front of me, she turned bright red. Everywhere.

"You could change in the bathroom if you want, hon," I said with a smile. "Or just ask me to close my eyes. I can do that. Been practicing for years, honest."

"Would you mind?" Heather's voice was a trifle embarrassed and a little tentative. "I know it's your room and all —"

"No!" I shook my head vehemently. "It's our room, not mine. This is your home now, too. If you want me to close my eyes, or even leave, I will."

She blushed deeper. "I know it's stupid. I mean, we're both girls now. It shouldn't bother me so much ... should it?"

"A lot of women don't like undressing in front of other women. Sometimes it's modesty. Sometimes it's being afraid you won't look as good as the girls you're undressing in front of." I smiled, and turned toward the wall while I kept talking. "And for you, I'm pretty sure there's still a little bit of Hunter lingering in you, ashamed to let a girl see you in your underwear."

I listened to her pulling off her shirt. "But eventually, you'll have to take your clothes off in front of other girls. I've seen both friends and strangers in their underthings ... and less ... in the locker room, and when you go to P.E. for the first time as Heather, you'll see it too. And they'll see you. It's nothing to freak out about. You stripped down in the boy's locker room plenty of times to prep for gym, right?"

"Ummm ... yeah." She unzipped her skirt, and I heard it rustle as it slid down her legs to the ground. "It wasn't fun then, either."

"It's the same kind of thing, only the bodies — and the fears -- are different." I let my Becca side remember how it was for her. "Am I growing fast enough where it counts? Am I ... okay compared to everybody else? Am I too fat? Am I too skinny? As a girl, you're going to beat yourself up for not looking like a magazine cover or a T.V. star, even though you're really very pretty and Jeremy loves you very much." I sighed. "I'm afraid it comes with the territory."

"Becca?" Her voice trembled a bit, and I rolled over to face her again. Heather stood in front of me, wearing only a plain yellow bra and bikini panties with little yellow daisies all over them. I raised an eyebrow, and she smiled shyly and shrugged her shoulders, causing a minor bobbing of her chest. "I ... umm, I figured I should just get past this as quick as I can. I trust you with my life. I think I can let you see me ... almost naked."

I smiled back, truly touched. "Thank you, Heather. I know how hard this is for you, and it means a lot to me ... that you trust me this way. You know what?" She shook her head slightly. "I trust you too." I stood up and pulled my tee shirt over my head. "So I'm getting ready for bed. Why don't you try on that red dress and we'll see if we think it's a keeper?" I unhooked my bra and let it slide down my arms. "I'd love it if it looks good on you. Someone should get some more use out of that outfit than I did. I only wore it once."

Heather looked at the dress with a critical eye, my naked chest forgotten in her confusion. "But it's so pretty! Why didn't you wear it more?"

I shimmied out of my skirt and bent down to pick it up. My breasts rested briefly on my knees, and I was up again almost instantly. "Coloring, sis. I learned the hard way that fluorescent lights in department stores mess with color in the worst way, and that redheads do NOT wear that shade of red without looking feverish. But on you, I think it'll be killer."

I reached into my drawer and pulled out a dark blue nightshirt with a picture of Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Under the picture in gothic script were the words, "Scuse me, luv. Got a bite?" When Heather saw it, she giggled. I smiled back and slid the sleep shirt over my head, the graphic rising and falling across my curves.

"I'm going to go brush my teeth now, and I expect to see you in that dress when I get back, missy." I surprised her with a quick hug, and her eyes widened as our chests pressed together. I did a dancer's spin as I moved towards the door. "Be right back."

###

In the bathroom, I took off what little makeup I was wearing with some wet wipes, and started brushing my teeth. It took me a few seconds to realize that the me in the mirror wasn't following along.

The Arbiters were back.

You were right. The mirror Becca spoke silently once more, her voice heard only in my mind. Her head was bowed, her eyes cast down. Upon reflection ... she flashed a tiny smile ... we allowed our personal prejudices and lack of experience with humans to waste five hundred years of Leander's life. We are ... ashamed. We were completely clueless about the nature of the human condition, and yet we presumed to judge one, and pass sentence.

Does that mean you're having second thoughts about me? I kept brushing my teeth. Maybe I'm not the paragon you thought I was?

On the contrary, my reflection replied, looking up into my eyes. The fact that you saw our mistake so easily only reaffirms our belief that you're the right person for the job -- both the one you currently have and the new task you are about to receive.

I stopped short, toothbrush in hand. What? Oh, no no no no no. My "To Do" list is so long, I don't know how I'm going to do everything I'm responsible for now! You can't be serious.

The girl in the mirror held up a hand. We're completely serious, I assure you. This new task dovetails nicely with your current responsibilities, and will hopefully solve the 'full plate' issue simultaneously.

Besides, she said, looking down once more, it's something only you can do.

I finally rinsed and spit, then raised my head to look myself full in the face. All right, I'll bite. What exactly is it I'm supposed to do?

The Arbiter grinned my own happy grin at me through the glass. You're going to supervise the next phase of Leander's punishment, she said simply. You're going to take her on as an apprentice to help with your work, and teach her what it means to be truly human.

Then the grin became a smile, and a nod. You're going to 'redeem' her, Becca. And we're going to watch ... and learn.

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Sorry for another extended hiatus in the lives of Becca and company, folks. Some of my characters made a few decisions that forced me to take a little detour earlier than I had hoped, and that added to the writing time. I'll try to keep them in line in the future, and keep the story moving along. *grins, hugs* -- Randalynn

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To Be Continued...

Becca contemplates her new roommate, addresses her growing "To Do" list, takes on still MORE responsibility, and sorts out problems big and small -- all before noon on a Sunday morning. Not bad for a teenaged superhero, hmm?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

""Don't go borrowing trouble. The interest rates alone will kill you." -- C. H. Wagner
 
 

The morning light was in my eyes as I woke up. As I turned over to escape it, my hair moved around my head and I felt my chest shift as I rolled. I smiled in spite of myself. Still a girl, I thought happily. Still and always a girl.

Opening my eyes, I noticed how dark the room had suddenly become. I remembered that my bed had acquired an upper bunk, and a roommate to go with it. Soft high-pitched snores drifting down from above made me smile. Heather had looked perfect in that red dress, and her uninhibited pleasure when she twirled in front of the mirror had taken my mind off of the latest addition to my "To Do" list. Her happiness about the dress ... and for everything else about her new life ... had raised my spirits as well, and we both went to bed feeling comfortable about sharing our space, and our lives.

But as I lay there in my bed that morning, wrapped in my quilt against the unexpected October chill, I stared at the bedroom wall and thought again about my surprising conversation with the Arbiters in the bathroom the night before.

Apparently, my impassioned defense earlier that day had managed to get Leander off the hook ... sort of. But in the process, I had managed to get myself hooked instead. Now, in order to end Leander's eternal punishment, I needed to come up with a way to rehabilitate her -- to ensure that she would learn why what she had done was wrong and what it meant to be truly human.

How do I manage to keep digging myself deeper? I sighed. It's only been three days since I woke up as Becca, and every time I turn around there's something else I need to do. Someone else I need to save. When did responsibilities start breeding like clothes hangers?

Still wrapped in my quilt, I struggled out of bed and stood up, being careful not to bang my head on the upper bunk. Heather snored again, and I turned to see her, still sleeping peacefully. Her mouth was slightly open and her hair tousled, but she looked oddly at peace ... content in her slumber. I smiled. At least I don't have to worry about Heather anymore, I thought. I'm glad she doesn't want to go back to being Hunter. I never thought she'd take so easily to being a girl. I guess being loved and cared for is better than being beaten and despised. I shook my head with a small smile. Who'dah thunk it?

I threw the quilt back on the bed, my nipples rising in the morning chill through the thin fabric of my nightgown. Moving carefully around the stacks of stuff, both Heather's and mine, I made my way to my side of the closet and put on my robe. I pulled my hair out of the back, tied the belt tight around my waist, and felt a small spark of happiness at the way it wrapped around my new curves. Opening the door as quietly as I could, I slipped into the hall.

Silence was my only companion. Sunday mornings were still much as they were when I was Jack. Everyone slept as late as they could get away with, except for me of course. Apparently, even as Becca, I still woke early on Sundays. I wandered down the hall to the empty kitchen. It was perfectly clean from the night before -- dishes washed and put away, everything wiped clean. She probably couldn't sleep unless everything was just right, I thought, remembering. Same old Carolyn.

I wandered forward slowly, lost in thoughts of a few weeks ago. My mind drifted back to before everything changed. As I walked, Becca's body reasserted itself -- delicate steps in my bare feet, hips and chest swaying in counterpoint, one hand moving up to brush a strand of hair from my cheek. I stared at the chair that used to be mine, and felt a hint of conflict start to rise within. That's Daddy's chair, I thought suddenly. That's where Daddy used to sit.

Suddenly, everything blurred a little as Jack's past rubbed against Becca's, and her memories rose in an emotional wave that washed away the-me-that-was and left Becca defenseless. A surprising grief seemed to well up inside me.

Surprising because I was mourning myself.

I remembered Sunday mornings with Dad when we'd dress and slip out of the house very early to grab breakfast at a nearby diner, just the two of us. We'd talk and joke around, and I knew I'd always have him there, to help me when I needed it. To talk to me like a person instead of a child. My lip started quivering, and my eyes became red with barely suppressed tears. I missed our times together, and I knew that they were gone forever.

And a single sob managed to escape before I choked it back.

A part of me cried out, unheard. But you ARE Dad ... well, I was Dad ... I mean, Dad was me, until all this got started. Don't cry, Becca, I'm right here! I'm YOU! But it was like a tiny wall of sand trying to hold back the ocean of her grief. I opened my mouth to just let it out --

-- and I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around me. There was that familiar feeling of being surrounded by love, melting into me, cradling and kissing me, and I knew everything would be okay.

"Ssssssh, baby," Mom said softly, hugging me to her, holding me from behind. "I miss him, too. Every day."

As we stood there, I felt the grief subside, just a little. Jack's ... my ... memories started coming forward once again. Even so, the tears still fell. I stayed in her arms and leaned back into her, the best hug I could manage without turning around. It just felt so good. She kissed the back of my head.

When I spoke, my voice shook. "How ... how did you know I was ...?"

I felt Carolyn shrug, and I could hear the tearful smile in her voice. "Because I was, too. Grief sneaks up on me sometimes, when I'm not really thinking about it. This morning I woke up, and his side of the bed was empty, and I thought, 'Oh, he's out to breakfast with Becca.' Then I realized he wasn't coming back, and I felt the awful hole he left in my soul when he died, and I just couldn't stand being in that bed another minute without him beside me. When I came down the hall, I saw you standing here. I heard you sob, and I knew you were missing him, too."

I nodded. "I was thinking about the special breakfasts we used to have, on Sunday mornings when everyone else slept in, and I just started crying." I smiled, just a little. "I guess it just snuck up on me, too."

My own sadness started to slip away, and then I remembered why Jack was dead. Carolyn's loss was all my fault. I had hurt my best girl, the love of my life, and my children, because I made a stupid, selfish choice. I had tried to play mind games with a demon in a supermarket parking lot.

The reason Carolyn didn't have Jack around anymore was because of my own stupidity just a few weeks back. I hurt them all, I thought savagely, and my tears began again. Being Becca and seeing my new life through her eyes had made it easier for me to ignore what I had done as Jack. I knew I had to get past it eventually, or I'd never be able to do my job. But what I had done still hurt when I thought about it, and Carolyn's grief made it hurt even more.

I turned around, put my arms around her, and hugged her tight.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. It must be a thousand times worse for you, losing Dad!"

She gave me a squeeze. "It's not that simple, Becca. Loss never is. I had your father in my life for longer than you've been alive, and I loved him very much. He was my other half, and I will always miss him. But I know what he meant to you, and Jeremy, and Emma. I know you all loved him, too, and I know how much it hurts for him to be gone with so much of your growing up still to do."

Carolyn held me at arm's length and looked in my eyes. "But he wouldn't want us to dwell on what we've lost, or live in the past. He'd want us to embrace what we have. We still have each other, baby. All of us, and now Heather ... we're all still here. And together." I nodded slowly, with a little smile of my own, and hugged her again.

Damn, I thought, holding her tight. She's right. I can't keep kicking myself for a mistake I made in another life -- especially since she forgave me the morning it happened. I need to live my new life, and leave the past ... in the past. With an effort, I let go of my guilt and sadness and chose to embrace my Mom, and my new life as Becca.

I would be the best daughter I could for the woman I loved.

My former wife looked around. "So ... we're the only two up?"

I looked at her, not quite sure where this was heading. "That's right, Mom."

She smiled, and said, "I guess that means we need to start a new tradition, then!" Turning me around, Carolyn gave me a little push down the hall. "Go get dressed, Becca. I'll meet you out here in five minutes."

Suddenly I understood, and threw her a smile over my shoulder as I raced back to the bedroom.

For the record, breakfast at the diner with Mom was almost as much fun as it was with Dad -- just different in a thousand little ways that made it special.

Now if I could just figure out how Becca used to have breakfast every Sunday with Jack, when both Becca and Jack ... were me. I sighed. My personal two-for-one deal remained a mystery I couldn't solve on my own -- especially when the people who knew how I pulled off that trick didn't seem to want to tell me.

###

When we came back, Mom gave me a big hug and headed back to her bedroom. She really wanted a long hot leisurely Sunday morning bath, and I really needed to think. I wandered into the living room, still quiet thanks to the Barnes contingent of Sunday morning slug-a-beds. I was wearing jeans for the first time since becoming Becca, along with a pale blue long-sleeved tee with a scoop neck, a dark blue zippered hoodie and a pair of sneakers. My hair was back in a loose ponytail, held with a dark blue scrunchy.

I kicked off the footwear and curled up on the couch to consider my options. The jeans gently hugged every curve and set off a small conflict in the back of my brain. The Jack I used to be thought they seemed tight, while the Becca I had become liked the way they wrapped themselves around her hips -- almost like they were made for her. I let Becca remember how she found these jeans shopping with Amy, how well they fit right off the shelf, and how happy she was with how they made her look. It made me smile.

The Jack in me admitted defeat. Let's face it, they were damn hot, and he knew it. I knew it, too. I stretched my legs out, twisted my hips, and smiled. They really did feel okay, and looked terrific.

I pulled myself back into a ball, arms wrapped around my legs, and chewed my lower lip as I considered my latest problem.

How could I rehabilitate Leander? I mused. Could it even be done, considering how much pain she'd been through in the past five hundred years? The punishment was handed down and enforced by the Arbiters, but maybe she saw me as some kind of extension of their judgment, their cruelty. Several strands of copper hair had escaped my ponytail, and I wrapped them around my index finger and twirled them gently as I thought.

Or maybe Leander didn't connect me to them at all. After all, she came to me to intercede for her. Did she know something I didn't? Did she know I could stand up for her?

Come to think of it, who did I work for, really? I stopped to consider that question, closing my eyes. I knew The Arbiters had recruited me, but where did my box reside on the cosmic org chart? They had gone to the Omnipresence to petition my recruitment, and the Omnipresence had agreed to "hire" me. So did I work for the Arbiters? The Omnipresence? Both? Or was I some kind of cosmic free agent?

"The latter, child."

I opened my eyes and looked up to find Mrs. Graymalkin standing over me. She was wearing a long blue dress, with long sleeves and a high neck. There was lace at the wrists and on the hem of the skirt. Her hair was pulled back and fastened behind her head, and she gave me a warm smile to take the edge off of her unexpected arrival.

Maybe I'd just been exposed to too much magic in the past few weeks, but I didn't even blink. Instead, I gave her a smile in return, stood up to greet her -- and froze.

I found myself balanced on a pair of unfamiliar and uncomfortable heels, and my hair tumbled down over my shoulders in a series of elaborate ringlets. Instead of my jeans and sweater, I was decked out in what appeared to be a proper Victorian dress, white and nearly floor-length with long sleeves and a high neckline. The skirt had enough bows and ruffles to supply a kindergarten class in an all-girl's school for several weeks. Under the dress was the feel of strange lingerie -- rigid corset cinched tight over an ankle-length chemise, and bloomers under petticoats, stockings, and all. As the unfamiliar inventory of terms rolled through my brain, I felt like I was drowning in cloth.

The room around me had also changed, to what appeared to be a sitting room, also dressed for the Victorian era. The sofa I had been sitting on had become an overstuffed cream-colored antique, and a pair of matching chairs sat across from it. Highly polished hardwood floors reflected cream walls with an intricately patterned wallpaper border. Gold-framed landscapes adorned the walls, and the fireplace mantle held a small well-made clock and a pair of ornate candlesticks with a gold-framed mirror above. Across the room, a sitting area with a small table and matching chairs sat before a bay window, with sunlight streaming in.

"Welcome to my home, Rebecca," Mrs. Graymalkin said. "Or rather, my home as it was a century ago."

I looked at her, slightly confused. "I don't understand. Are we there, now? Have we traveled in time?"

She smiled and shook her head. "No, dear. This is ... well, a shared hallucination, if you will. I created it so that we could talk face to face, without either of us leaving our homes."

"But why ... why here," I asked, waving my hand in front of me. 'And why dressed like this?"

"Because I had to choose something, and I was feeling somewhat nostalgic this morning. As for the clothing ... well, this was the fashion in my day," she replied. "I haven't seen anyone in a dress like that in over a century. Especially someone as pretty as you, Rebecca. It suits you." Mrs. Graymalkin smiled, and I blushed. Then, surprising myself, I delivered a full curtsey that did justice to the dress.

"Thank you, Ma'am. And thank you for coming to see me." I motioned towards the sofa. "Please, won't you sit?"

The older woman nodded and moved to the far corner of the sofa, sitting with an elegance that showed her dancer's training.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea?"

She shook her head. "Goodness, no, Rebecca. I'm not sure you could find your way around a Victorian kitchen in any case, but I do appreciate the thought." There was a pause, and my visitor smiled. "Your manners are impeccable, by the way, and I thank you for putting up with my uninvited intrusion with such grace."

"You are always welcome, Ma'am." I attempted to sit gracefully as well, carefully smoothing my skirt under me and folding my hands in my lap. The corset held me up straight, so being completely comfortable was clearly out of the question. But at least I could stop trying to stand in those awkward shoes.

As I tried to center my weight over my hips, Mrs. Graymalkin noticed my fidgeting.

"I'm sorry, Rebecca. Perhaps I shouldn't have dressed you so ... authentically. Wearing a corset does take some practice ... and a bit of dedication."

I tried to take a deep breath, and stopped. "Well," I said thoughtfully, "I wouldn't have chosen the ... whale-bone lingerie myself, but it's certainly ... an eye-opener. And it is a part of your past, so I'm thankful to be sharing a bit of it -- even if it means putting up with this corset." I threw her a smile, and she smiled back. In the sudden silence that followed, I heard the mantle clock ticking. Finally, I decided my curiosity trumped my desire to be polite, and I raised a white gloved hand.

"May I ask what brought you here to see me this morning?"

"Why, you did, girl. You were thinking so hard, I couldn't stay asleep."

I was stunned. "You ... you can hear my thoughts?"

"Only when you're dealing with issues pertaining to your life as the Advocate. It is part of my role as your teacher. As soon as you began to consider this Leander situation, the sheer force of your thoughts pulled me from a sound sleep. You are quite powerful and persistent, Becca. So rather than leave the comfort of my bed, I brought us both here to discuss it."

Before I could open my mouth to apologize for ruining her Sunday morning, she was already waving a hand in dismissal. "Nothing to apologize for, dear. You are my student, and you needed me. If I didn't want to be needed, I would never have agreed to teach you. Besides, I didn't plan to sleep the day away. Goodness, child, it's nearly eleven!"

I looked at her. "So you know about my latest 'assignment?'"

Mrs. Graymalkin nodded. "Indeed I do. And accepting it freely was exactly the reaction I would expect from you. For all of their incompetence with humans, they chose you well." She raised her chin and looked down her nose at me. "You could have turned it down, you know. You don't work for the Arbiters. Or, strictly speaking, for the Omnipresence."

I shook my head. "Even though that's good to know, I couldn't just walk away, even if I wanted to. Leander has been abused magically, and my job is to set that right, no matter who signs my paycheck." She smiled, as if she knew that would have been my answer. "But based on what you said, it sounds like I don't have a boss -- which explains my lack of a paycheck, I suppose." I grinned. "Does this mean I'm a free agent?"

"In a way. We're all free agents, Becca," she replied. "We humans, in any case. We're limited only by the choices we make. But because of the nature of things, we all also work for the Omnipresence. It's her universe, after all. Orders from above are never direct, and not at all binding, since free will is an important part of her master plan. For example, I wasn't ordered to teach you. I was offered the opportunity to guide you, and I took it. Happily, I might add."

"What about Leander?"

"She was offered the limited use of her magic again and asked to try and teach you how to use your powers effectively in battle." Mrs. Graymalkin sniffed. "Of course, she was also given the added incentive of there being no penalty should anything happen to you in the course of your lessons. Obviously, her motivations were somewhat ... more base than my own."

I listened to what she didn't say, and decided to make her say it. "Ma'am? What do you think of Leander?"

She hesitated a few seconds too long, and sighed. "Honestly, Becca, you're right about the severity of her punishment, but she was truly a reprehensible ... man at the start of this affair."

I had a stray thought, and spoke without thinking. "Were you there?"

Mrs. Graymalkin looked shocked, then laughed out loud. "Oh, goodness no, child! I am older than I look -- MUCH older -- but not that old. No, I wasn't there, but when I was told of Leander's involvement, I did use my powers to go back and see how events unfolded. He caused a lot of hatred and death before he was forcibly feminized." Her lip twitched. "And magically gelded as well, if you will."

I shook my head. "It's still wrong, to be punished so long without any hope of redemption or release. And now I need to find a way to bring her back from that. The Arbiters suggested that I get her to help me do my job, but I'm not sure I trust her that much. I'm not sure I can trust her at all. I don't really know enough."

The older woman looked at me for a long moment, as if she was looking into my soul, and then she smiled. "I believe you know more than you think," she said. "I think something Leander said to you yesterday holds the key to her redemption. When she said it, she believed it to be true. If it is true, it will greatly simplify things."

I began trying to run through the whole conversation with Leander in my mind, but Mrs. Graymalkin shook her head. "Not now, Advocate." She reached out and patted my hand. "Let me do some research, and I will let you know as soon as I am sure we have the key. In the meantime, you've been working very hard. Your sense of duty is admirable, but you need to learn to take some time to breathe. So today's lesson is just ... be for a while, Rebecca. Be a girl. Be the girl you always wanted to be. We both know the work will still be waiting when you return."

###

When I opened my eyes, I was back on the couch in my living room. I felt the freedom of my twenty-first century lingerie and the denim hugging my hips. I stood up and did a twirl, and laughed out loud just because I could. I could actually move again.

Of course, now that I wasn't wearing it, I missed the long dress ... just a little. Oh well, I thought with a smile, a girl's entitled to change her mind ... early and often, as a matter of fact.

I heard a door open down the hall, and Heather padded into the kitchen in a green babydoll nightgown and a pair of fluffy slippers. Her hair was every which way but brushed, and sleep made her eyes squint against the light in the kitchen.

"Morning, Becca," she half-mumbled. As she reached for the refrigerator door, I took her hand. She squinted at me, and I shook my head.

"Reality check girlfriend," I whispered, turning her around and leading her back to our bedroom. "Come with me, quick!"

"Hmmmm?" Heather let herself be led back into the room and I closed the door quickly behind her. She looked at me, still half-asleep, and I realized there was more Hunter in her eyes than Heather. Still working on the whole integration thing, I thought. Still trying to embrace Heather without losing Hunter. I guess it's not going to be as smooth a transition as I would have thought from yesterday, but she had been Heather nearly non-stop all day with Mom and the family. Just waking up, it's probably a lot harder to get back into being a girl full-time.

"Time for today's first important girl lesson," I said, turning her to face the mirror. "Now pay attention. What do you see?"

She squinted at herself, reached up and scratched her tousled hair, and then turned to me, confused.

"Oh, goddess!" I growled in frustration. "Let me spell it out for you. You ... are ... a ... girl, hon. You can't just roll out of bed and meet the world head on. You especially can't."

Heather looked annoyed. "Oh, come on, Becca! You can't tell me girls don't ... just take it easy once in a while."

I looked her straight in the eye. "Not when they live in the same house as their boyfriends, they don't." I turned her back to the mirror. "Come on, hon ... do you really want Jeremy seeing you ... like that? With that hair? Look at yourself again. This time, try thinking like Heather, not Hunter."

She looked again, then stared, and gasped. Her eyes opened wide, and she turned back to me in a panic.

"OhmyGod! I'm a mess!!"

I nodded. "Yes, you are. You look like you got into a pillow fight, and the pillow won." I put an arm around her and squeezed. "Not to worry, sis. Look, when you were Hunter, we both know personal grooming was not your strong point. And Heather's influence is only automatic when there's someone else in the room -- someone that isn't me, right? So you just have to think a little more about what it means to be Heather, until it all becomes second nature. Just take a little extra time in the morning before you join the human race, and you'll be fine."

She turned back to the mirror and her lip trembled just a little. "But ... but it would still be okay, wouldn't it?" she asked, her voice begging me to say yes. "For Jeremy to see me like this? I mean, me and him ... it's not just what I look like ... is it? I mean, he loves me, right?"

I smiled and hugged her again. "Yes, he loves you, and it's perfectly all right for him to see you 'like that.' In one way -- the most important way -- it won't matter to Jeremy what you look like when you climb out of bed, because ... well, because he loves you. His heart beats faster every time he sees you. Everyone can see that." I felt her relax slightly. "But how you look isn't about keeping his love. It's about making him feel special."

Once again, Heather looked confused. I sighed, led her away from the mirror, and sat down on the floor across from her. I patted the ground in front of me, and she sank to the floor and looked at me.

"To most guys, having a pretty girl like them is a gift," I said softly. "They can't believe someone who looks the way you do could possibly want them. So when a guy who loves you sees you taking the time and making the effort to look your best for him, he says to himself, 'I'm the luckiest guy on the planet, because that girl loves me.'"

I looked into her eyes. "You don't want him to cut you some slack, Heather. You want to show him how much you care. You want him to know you don't take him for granted. You want to be as pretty as you can be for him ... because you love him, and you want him to know it. Understand?"

She looked back at me and nodded. "I do love him. So much!"

"Good!" I said decisively. I stood up and helped Heather to her feet. "Then go show him, girl."

She gave me a smile and a quick hug.

"Thanks, Becca," she whispered in my ear with a squeeze. "Love you!"

"Love you too, sis," I whispered back. "Hey! Let's pick something killer for you to wear -- you know, something that will make him feel lucky."

She laughed and ran to the closet.

###

I don't know if Jeremy felt lucky, but he sure felt something when Heather walked into the kitchen twenty minutes later. She was all brushed and made-up in a teal tank top, a black miniskirt, and a pair of black ankle boots she had borrowed from me. His temperature probably rose a degree or so, and he smiled and rushed to hold a chair for Heather when she approached the table. She ignored the chair, and instead walked right to him, touched his face and brushed his lips with hers.

"Morning, Jer," she said with a smile. Jeremy smiled back and leaned in to kiss her the way he knew she wanted to be kissed. Suddenly, I could see him realize that he was still wearing the tee shirt and sweatpants he had slept in ... and even I could see the sweats did nothing to hide what Heather was doing to him down below.

"B...be right back," he half mumbled, and practically ran down the hall to his bedroom. As the door slammed, Heather looked at me, her head cocked.

"Well, his head didn't explode," I said with a smile, "but the rest of him sure seemed to want to."

The light bulb went on over her head, and she started giggling.

"Oh, poor Jeremy!" She had her hand over her mouth as she tried to speak through the laughter. "That's so unfair! I didn't do hardly anything, and he's ... he's ..." She dissolved into giggles again.

"Behold your power, Wonder Girl," I intoned seriously. I threw my head back, spread my arms and stuck out my chest. "Treat it with respect, guard it well, use it wisely."

"What power is this, Bee?" Amy walked in from the front door, a smile on her face. She never knocked -- not since we had become sisters so long ago.

Heather stopped giggling and looked at Amy. "I wore this outfit, and Jeremy ... Jeremy ..." She broke down again, collapsing into the chair Jeremy had pulled back for her.

"Let's just say Heather's enjoying the effect she has on her boyfriend," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

Amy's eyebrows rose, and she grinned. "Was he happy to see you, girl?"

Heather nodded, still smiling. "Well, all right!" Amy said. "Good on you!"

Suddenly, Jack pushed his past in my face, and I remembered what it was like to be a twelve-year-old boy in love. That a girl would actually pay attention to me ... that she would want me.

That I would want her ... so much.

Damn.

I saw things from my brother's point of view, and realized we'd done something stupid. Really stupid. And a touch cruel. Feeling guilty, I looked over my shoulder down the hall, then back to Heather. She saw the look on my face, and froze.

"It was nice to see what you do to him, sis," I said softly, "but I think maybe we both need to apologize to Jeremy."

She looked confused. I sighed. "Heather, you teased him. You caught him unprepared in his own kitchen, and you made him want you. It's never really fair to do something like that to a guy, and now that you're both living under the same roof, Jeremy needs to know ... well, know that he's safe. The kind of relationship you two have isn't based on lust, but on love. You shouldn't have played him, and I shouldn't have helped you." I spoke to her, mind to mind. You remember what it was like when you were Hunter? When a girl played with you like that, how did you feel?

Her face went white. "Oh my God! Did I ... did I hurt him just now?" she asked anxiously. "I didn't mean to. I didn't want to ... oh, Becca!"

"Sssssh, sis. It's okay. I think you just ... embarrassed him a little," I replied. "Guys don't want to be reminded that we can drive them crazy with a touch. You need to let him know he makes you feel the same way, and that you're sorry for doing something like that to someone you love. Okay?" She looked sad. I sat across from her and took her hands. "It's okay, Heather. You didn't break anything. Just go tell him you're sorry, and it'll be fine."

She nodded and almost ran down the hallway. Amy and I watched her go, then Amy gave me a small frown.

"Honestly, Becca, I think you're overreacting. It's nothing, really. She was only flirting."

"No, Ames. She was teasing."

"It's only teasing if she wasn't willing to follow through." Amy's voice held a half smile, but my glance at her made it slip away.

"That's part of what I'm worried about," I said softly, taking a step closer to her. "She wants him, Amy. I helped her pick an outfit that raised his temperature, and she like the effect she had on him. Especially when Jeremy makes her melt the way he does." I sighed. "Both of them are too young to be playing with fire, and at the same time they're both hot enough to ... spontaneously combust."

Amy's eyes widened as the truth finally dawned on her. "And if your mom catches the two of them in bed together, she's going to blow up. Oh ... my ... God, Becca!"

"Exactly." I sat down heavily in one of the chairs. "Right now, Heather needs a home more than she needs a hook-up. I mean, come on, sis -- she's younger than we are, and we never ... well, I never ..." I gave Amy a half-questioning glance, and she looked shocked.

"Becca! Do you think I'd do THAT and not tell you? Sisters forever, remember?"

I reached out and gave her hand a squeeze in apology. She smiled back.

"Anyway, Heather needs a family as much as she needs Jeremy, so I need to get them to keep the lust under control. And I need to teach Heather how to manage her libido ... and Jeremy's, too, since he's just a guy, and we both know guys can't help themselves." I put my head in my hands. "Not that it's my job or anything. I'm just a girl who can't say no." I sighed again. "Don't mind me, I'm just slowly going crazy. Somebody stop me!"

I felt Amy wrap her arms around me from behind, and rest her head on top of mine. "You always take on too much, Becca," she whispered. ''I don't think anyone can stop you from doing that. I don't think you want them to. So go apologize to Jeremy, if you think you must. But don't take too long!" I heard the grin in her voice. "I want to take my best friend shopping for the afternoon, and we can't leave until she's finished being Mini-Mom."

I pressed back into her, and she gave me a squeeze. With another sigh, I stood up and headed down the hall.

The door was closed, and I couldn't hear voices inside Jeremy's room. In fact, I couldn't hear anything at all. I peeked into our room, but Heather wasn't there. I even checked the bathroom. So she was in with Jeremy, and they were not speaking.

What could a boy and girl possibly be doing in a bedroom ... without saying a word?

Cursing myself for not going with Heather in the first place, I threw my perception ahead of me into the room as I hurried back down the hall. My sight flew through the door and saw the two of them, on the bed.

And I stopped short, inches from throwing the door open.

They sat side by side, arms around each other. Jeremy was still in his sleep clothes, Heather still in her tank top and miniskirt. Her head was on his shoulder, and his head rested on hers. There were some tear tracks down Heather's cheeks, but Jeremy just held her.

They were just ... together. Not kissing. Not even breathing hard.

Just being.

I could see the love and contentment radiating from them both. So I pulled my sight back through the closed door, and smiled.

Becca, I thought, shaking my head, sometimes you just worry too damned much.

I walked back to the kitchen just to give them some time, for a while. And to spend a little time with my best friend in the world, just being a girl.

In a way, that was one part of my new life that was way overdue.

But as I reached the kitchen end of the hall where Amy was waiting, everything ...

... changed.

The world around me was lit by flickering shadows of red and orange, playing across rough stone walls where drywall had been only a second before. The opening in front of me revealed a vast cavern that extended out and down, and I threw myself against the wall to keep out of sight of anything on the other side that might be interested in me. As I tried to get a handle on what just happened, my subconscious invoked fifteen different levels of shields, to protect against types of magic I barely knew existed. It was obvious I needed more data before I could do anything intelligent, so I stopped thinking and waited for someone to tell me where I was. And why I was there.

A deep purring sound echoed from the cavern, followed by a wicked laugh. "Excellent," it said, and laughed again. The voice sounded like I thought Eartha Kitt and Julie Newmar would sound if they decided to merge into a single entity and become the essence of pure evil. I didn't even breathe as I moved forward silently, although I was pretty sure she already knew I was here.

"Of course I know you're here," The voice half-growled. "After all, I brought you."

Mental shields I didn't know I possessed snapped into place, and I heard the Cat Woman huff. "You closed your mind to me! How rude! And here we were, just about to get to know each other better."

So she doesn't know me! I grinned. Or who I am. Let's do a few things to keep it that way. Thinking quickly, I wove a spell that changed my voice, making it higher with a touch of a Japanese accent.

"Watch who you are calling rude, whoever you are," I called out. "After all, I believe it is considered polite to at least extend an invitation before deciding to kidnap a guest."

She laughed again. "Ah, but when a new magic user enters my playground without asking for my permission, it makes me ... upset. I tend to be rash and impulsive and do things they'll regret."

"Don't you mean, things you'll regret?" I gave my voice a teasing lilt.

"I mean what I say, nothing more or less," the voice hissed. "Now come out, little witch, and let me have a look at you. I like to meet trespassers face to face."

"And if I refuse?"

The voice held a happy, almost triumphant tone. "Then I come in and get you."

Terrific, I thought with a sigh. So nice to have a choice.

Although to be perfectly honest, I'd rather be shopping with Amy.

© 2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Sorry for yet another extended hiatus in the lives of Becca and company, everyone. This time, real life held me hostage by providing too much of the writing I do to help my husband pay the bills. Thank you for your patience, and I hope you like where the story is heading! *hugs tight* Also, special thanks to Darla and Aardvark for giving this part a read with a fresh eye, so I could do the final polish. -- Randalynn

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---

 
To Be Continued...

Cat-napped from her home by a feline god-thing, Becca takes a walk on the wild side, meets her adversary for the first time, and discovers a whole new definition for the word "foxy." Is she EVER going to get to go shopping with Amy?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"No matter how much the cats fight, there always
seem be plenty of kittens." -- Abraham Lincoln
 

"Those who will play with cats must expect
to be scratched." -- Cervantes

 
 

"Now come out, little witch, and let me have a look at you. I like to meet trespassers face to face." "And if I refuse?" The voice held a happy, almost triumphant tone. "Then I come in and get you." 'Terrific,' I thought with a sigh. 'So nice to have a choice.' 'Although to be perfectly honest, I'd rather be shopping with Amy.'

I suppose I knew I'd eventually get to see how the other half lives. I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

I had to think fast. Actually, given the past couple of days, I'd become quite good at it. Practice makes perfect, after all, and I'd had plenty of that since the universe started throwing curve balls at me every fifteen minutes.

Unfortunately, I didn't know enough to make thinking quickly anything more than a parlor trick. I knew next to nothing about this Cat Woman. I didn't know what she wanted me for, or how she had the power to shift me from the hall in my home to here -- wherever here was.

Where is here?' I wondered. 'Underground, that's for sure. But how far?' On a hunch, I looked at the rough ceiling and threw my perception upward. My sight moved through rock at the speed of thought ... five seconds, ten seconds. Hundreds, then thousands of miles of nothing but solid rock.

As if the world outside the cave doesn't exist.' I let my sight continue upward as I let my thoughts churn. 'Maybe it doesn't. Maybe this is some kind of pocket Universe she's popped me into. From my home to hers. Maybe there's no way out.'

I shook my head and my vision returned. 'Not a good idea to think that way,' I said to myself. 'Always assume you can succeed. Otherwise, you're defeated before you begin.'

I snorted. 'Terrific. If this Advocate job falls through, I can always make a living as a motivational speaker.'

"I'm waiting, little girl," she purred, her honeyed growl echoing in the cavern below. "And I've never been very good at waiting."

She thinks I'm human,' I mused. 'A magic user of some sort, perhaps even a witch. Well, I am human, but certainly more powerful than she might expect. In fact, maybe a different class of supernatural altogether.'

"You don't have to fear me, girl." The voice oozed charm, and if I didn't have myself as heavily shielded as a nuclear reactor, she might have lulled me into revealing myself prematurely. "Come! Let me see you, and we can talk, face to face."

This has possibilities.' I considered my options carefully. 'I've already done a "sting" on Friday, with Heather's Dad. Maybe I should do some undercover work, just to round out the weekend.'

What the hell,' I thought. 'In for a penny, in for a pound ...'

"If it is face-to-face you desire," I said loudly, my intonations still cast in a Japanese rhythm, "allow me to throw off my human guise and meet you as I truly am."

"Not human?" The Cat Woman seemed pleasantly surprised. "Now I am curious."

"As befits the cats you call kin, highness," I purred back at her. After all, a little flattery never hurt.

I reached into my mind and drew out all of the information I had on Japanese demonology, choosing the one figure I knew well from my own studies and adding the more detailed information given to me by the Arbiters. She was quirky and enigmatic, certainly, but not necessarily good or evil. Her affinity with humans and shape-shifting ability could explain her hanging around in human shape. And her own unique sense of justice could help me find out just who I was dealing with.

I threw all of my magical power into bringing her to life, using all of the data I had. I could feel her form come together -- her powers, her mental state, her attitude. I focused all of my energies on this single being, and felt everything resolve into the form I sought. There was an unexpected flash of raw energy that seemed to radiate outwards, and I felt ... empowered.

I was ready to be ... something else.

I focused on my body, and reluctantly made all of my clothes vanish into a pocket dimension of my own. I really didn't want to lose those jeans. If this was just a construct, like Mrs. Graymalkin's sitting room, I'd go back home and find myself still wearing them. But if I had really been transported somewhere, I wanted my clothes back if I figured out how to leave.

When,' I corrected myself quickly. 'I meant to say when.'

Totally naked, I stood there and imagined myself taller, and my figure rounder. Bright white fur grew to cover my entire frame, although I intentionally made it thicker over the tips of my breasts and between my legs to hide the parts of me my human self would rather not reveal.

Suddenly, there was a second rush of power that seemed to fill me and overflow into a white aura that made the cave around me glow. My ears rang as my hair color shifted to match the fur, and grew all the way down to the nine long bushy tails that sprouted above the curve of my bottom. My face extended slightly, forming a pointy muzzle, and my eyes became a bright green, slightly slanted. My own ears receded into my head behind my fur, and a pair of velvety soft fox ears grew out above them and swiveled, hearing things my human ears had missed.

There was conversation in the pit. Human voices ... and others.

The rush of power seemed to fade to a slight hum that made my skin feel hot under my newfound fur. I ran my tongue over my canine teeth, which had become sharp and extended, and I smiled.

I was ... her. I felt strong and quick and agile -- sexy as hell, but also centered and calm, as if everything was as it was supposed to be. It scared a part of me, just for an instant, before the rest of me shrugged it off with a toss of the head that brushed all of my hair against the small of my back. It made me purr, the sound a contented fox makes, and I just couldn't help myself.

I laughed. It just felt ... right.

I stood up straight, without a care in the world, and glided out to the edge of the precipice. My hips and tails swayed provocatively, and my full, unfettered breasts shifted in counterpoint. When I reached the very edge, I did a perfect spin on a toe, arms stretched to either side, and then collapsed gracefully into a seated position that looked more fox than human -- bottom down, knees bent, feet pulled in so ankles pressed the backs of my thighs. My paws rested between my legs, in front of my sex. My tails twitched happily behind me, arching up behind my head and tickling the backs of my newly-grown ears.

"See me now, as I am," I said, baring my teeth in a wild grin that meant challenge as much as joy. "I am byako, kiko, myobu, nogitsune's bane. I am Akomachi, kitsune, guardian of the lower temple of Inari!" The words seemed to tumble from inside me, and filled me with a fierce pride I couldn't quite explain. "Some have called my kind tricksters. Others have called us friends. But I care not for anyone's labels. I am she who does what she wills, goes where she wishes ... and NEVER asks permission, or forgiveness." I licked a paw and rubbed an itchy spot behind my ear. 'Play it for everything it's worth, Becca,' I said to myself. 'You diva!' I sensed some kind of approval of my choice of attitude, somewhere deep inside, but shook it off and focused on the task at hand.

"Welcome to my home, Akomachi." The voice held a bit of a smile, and it called my eyes downward from my perch. I peered over the edge and deep into the abyss. There, hundreds of feet below, was an oversized human figure. She (and it was clearly a she) lay on her side, one knee drawn up, on an oval pillow that was roughly the size of a semi trailer. She was part human, part cat ... and all female. Her body was mostly human, with short dark fur covering every exposed inch. Her face was a mix of human and cat, protruding as a cat's muzzle would, her mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. Her eyes were cat's eyes, but rimmed with impossibly long human eyelashes. And her hair was long and straight and black, shining in the cavern's dim light. In the darkness behind her, I caught the twitching of a tail.

Tremendous fur-covered breasts rested on her chest, one lying on the other, both seemingly swollen with milk. Down her stomach two other sets of smaller breasts also protruded, also swollen, but that was not the most disturbing part of the scene.

On the pillow with her were five humans -- girls, all naked and snuggled up to her enormous form. Each had a nipple in her mouth, drinking freely from the cat goddess and making sounds of nearly orgasmic happiness. Their mouths appeared to stretch large enough to take in the oversized teats, and as I watched I could see their throats convulsing as they swallowed. One nipple remained untouched, sweating and dripping with milk.

As I watched, I recognized Gwen, Michael's sister, from when I met her in the hospital. 'The others must be the rest of her group,' I thought.

Suddenly, I realized that I was in the presence of the very thing I had been hunting since Heather's transformation.

I went numb all over. This wasn't some unrelated supernatural hijacking. The thing below must have sensed the few times I had used magic since my arrival as the Advocate, and had pulled me in to see who the new girl was, and whether I could interfere with whatever her plans happened to be.

Frankly, I was wondering the same thing myself. I knew I was in way over my head. This thing had changed reality at the drop of a hat, and I was sitting on its doorstep as a reluctant guest, or worse yet, disguised as a Japanese fox spirit. If she should see through the illusion -- I shivered at the thought, but deep within, there was a core of calm that seemed to bring me back to myself.

There was movement in the shadows, and I threw my sight forward and raised its sensitivity. Scattered around her resting place in the darkness was a small army of demons, watching me with eyes that never blinked. They held themselves in various aggressive forms -- a forest of fangs, claws, and sharp-edged wings, all ready to spring to the defense of the goddess.

And they all tasted very familiar, even from a distance.

Pain eaters.

I felt my stomach give a minor flip, but my shields remained in place. Just one of these things had the power to completely destroy my life not too long ago, and now there were at least ten of them, protecting the thing I had vowed to stop.

The Becca in me felt more than slightly overwhelmed by the odds. But strangely enough, the kitsune I had become seemed bored by them. 'Lesser demons,' I seemed to hear her say from the back of my mind. 'Pay them no mind, Advocate. They are beneath us.' I felt her eyes sparkle. 'In both senses of the word.'

I smiled, but it was true. 'They can't use their magic directly without striking a bargain. While we can use ours however and whenever we please,' I thought, relaxing just a little. 'We do have an edge.'

Even without that petty restriction, they are no challenge, to either of us.' The fox spirit sniffed and yawned inside my head. 'Now show the Cat we are more than human and worthy of her respect.'

I launched myself forward, out into the air above the goddess, and threw my fox form into a roll. Hands in the air, hair and tails flying up behind me, I plummeted almost all the way to the floor below before using magic to slow my descent. I floated down and folded myself gracefully into a seated position directly in front of her, a few feet above the cavern floor.

"Apologies if I am interrupting ... lunch? Dinner?" I inclined my head towards the girls. "But you did bring me here, so the time was of your choosing, not mine."

"You are welcome to join them, vixen, if you wish." The Cat's eyes sparkled briefly, and she grinned. "I do have one teat free, and I am told I taste quite ... sweet."

I looked at her, and bared my teeth in another predator's grin. "I must decline your gracious offer. It has been a long time since I suckled, and my teeth might ... cause you some discomfort, most powerful of cats." 'Besides,' I said to myself, 'I don't know what the heck it's doing to them, but I'd rather not risk it, no matter how 'sweet' you may be.'

"As you wish," the Cat replied, reaching down with a clawed finger to stroke Gwen's back from shoulder to hip. I watched Gwen shudder with pleasure and heard her moan past the nipple in her mouth. "More for my children."

"Your kits do not seem much like you, majesty." My voice held nothing but polite inquiry. "They are human, are they not?"

"They are. Soon my milk will change them, and they will become as I am. The first of my new family." Her voice held a touch of sadness. "I have no mate, and cannot breed as I would truly wish to. So these girls will become my young, and perhaps one day find mates of their own."

I inclined my head, and felt a pang of longing well up inside me. The words poured out in their respectful cadence, but full of emotion no politeness can mask. "I am sorry you have no mate, goddess, but I do feel your need, perhaps better than you know." Her head turned and she regarded me thoughtfully. I shrugged. "Long have I sought my own mate, Osusuki, the black fox, spirit guardian of the Upper Temple. I have longed for pups of my own, to feed and teach and raise." I looked down, my voice low. "Each year I have felt myself swell with longing. I have burned for him, for a thousand years and more. But I burn in vain, I fear, for he has vanished. I cannot find him. And without him, I can have no pups. I envy you the children you can bring forth this way, majesty."

The kitsune within me was truly sad, and I felt her loneliness deeply. I truly wanted a mate, and pups of my own. But it has been so long. Someday ...

The thought made me stop, and a chill swept through me. This wasn't an act. This kitsune inside me wasn't just a construct, or another part of myself. Somehow, I had managed to do more than make myself into a copy. I had called forth the real thing.

There truly was a Japanese fox spirit within me.

Ssssssssh,' she whispered. 'I am not your enemy, Advocate. You called to me, and I am here. There will be time for questions later. Now focus on the Cat, and let us work together.'

The Cat looked almost kindly upon me, as if she felt a deep connection between us. I felt a finger of magic reach out to touch my face, caress it gently, and withdraw. For a fleeting second, I felt regret at deceiving her in this way. But the torment of Mike and his friends rose up to wash my regret away. Whatever her tragedy, what her 'children' had done was wrong, and justice demanded I set things right.

Right and wrong later,' the vixen hissed. 'Survival now. Question why she summoned you. It is rude for one such as her to force one like myself to attend this way.'

"Why did you bring me here?" I rose higher and floated before her, feeling the vixen's irritation as if it were my own. I crossed my arms under my breasts, brought my legs together, and pointed my toes.

"Your magic brought you to my attention, Akomachi, and I wish to see who was hunting on my lands."

I sniffed and tossed my head. "I saw no signs that said the land where I chose to hunt belonged to you. And even if I did, I would not heed them, for no one keeps me from doing what I will."

"I am sure of it," the Cat soothed, her tone diplomatic. "I meant no offense. Originally, I thought you were only human, but powerful. Were you a human girl, I would have coaxed you to my breast and made you drink deep, to become another of my children."

A rough voice came from the demons assembled in the darkness. "She is human, goddess. She hides from you behind a vixen's mask, but she is no less human than those who drink from you."

A large red demon stepped forward into the flickering light. He was huge and obscenely male, with muscles bulging upon muscles, and eyes that flashed fire.

"Let me show you her true nature, that you might take her to your breast and add another kit to your pride. Let me force her to submit, and take her as the bitch she is ... over and over again." He licked his lips and smiled at me. "Let me teach her what it means to dare to deceive her betters."

Attend, Advocate,' the fox spirit whispered. 'Treat him as the vermin he is, and I will show you why these pitiful "Others" offer no challenge to either of us.'

There was a long silence. I regarded the demon with disgust, and spoke to the goddess without turning my head. "Does this one matter to you, majesty? Or may I punish him for his impudence as I see fit?"

The Cat ran her eyes over the demon's form, and threw me a smile. "He is yours, vixen. If you are merely human, you cannot punish him, for you would lack the power to do so. But if you are who you say you are, then you may do with him as you wish, since he has insulted you by calling you human when you are not."

The demon snorted and smiled. "This will not take long," he growled. "I will prove myself to you, goddess."

In a blur of motion, he launched himself across the cavern at me with a roar that echoed from the far walls. I waited for him to reach me, motionless but without fear. When his body was within inches of mine, I reached out with my magic and held him frozen in mid-air, completely helpless. His arrogance changed quickly to fear, as he realized how quickly he had lost against me ... without my having to lift a finger.

Curiously, as a kitsune, my access to my magic seemed more instinctual. Perhaps it was her presence overcoming my own view of my inexperience, but I felt strangely powerful. And as a result, I was.

Now he was mine. Ours. He knew it.

And it scared the hell out of him.

"You seem particularly scornful of humans," I said thoughtfully. "Not surprising, since your kind feed on their pain, and I have yet to meet a predator who respects her prey. So, I have decided that you shall become that which you despise." I tossed my head, and lightning flashed from my nine tails and struck the demon. When the light faded, a well-muscled human male floated before me, his eyes wide, his breath coming in short bursts.

The Cat smiled. I smiled back and continued. "You also seemed to feel yourself superior to females -- indefensible in the presence of a goddess and a spirit vixen, both far more powerful than you could ever be." My eyes narrowed. "You wished to make me be ... your bitch. Instead, you will become mine." I raised a paw and described a curve in the air before him. His body seemed to blur in the firelight, resolving itself into soft curves and pale skin where muscle and sinew had been. The demon dwindled in size until she seemed barely a teen, naked and cowering in mid-air. Her long black hair swirled around her, and her huge green eyes held all of her terror mixed with shame and disgust at her fate.

"Now, majesty," I said, bowing my head, "you gave him to me as a gift, to punish as I saw fit. I return her to you ... as your newest daughter, to drink from you and become a member of your pride. Do you accept my gift in return?

She nodded, purring loudly, and a merry laugh bubbled up from inside. She took the frightened girl into a hug and brought her to her breast. The Cat pressed the former demon's lips to the last empty teat. The girl took one taste and began suckling happily, her former life slipping away in the ecstasy of her new mother's milk.

The Cat looked at me with gratitude. "Thank you, Akomachi. I could never have performed such a transformation on one of my acolytes."

"If it were just a matter of power, you would have been able to do so easily, majesty" I curled up into a ball as I floated there, knees pressing into my breasts, tails spread out behind me. "If she had transgressed against you as she did with me, you could have had her as she is now with only a thought."

"True," she nodded, her eyes never leaving me. "But none of them would dare challenge me. We have an understanding, they and I."

I nodded. "We are as much bound by our loyalties as those who serve us, after all. Not that I wish to be served, as you do, goddess. I find myself reluctant to become ... entangled. It has never been my way."

The Cat reached down and gently began to disengage the five human girls from her teats, one at a time, leaving the sixth new girl to suckle alone. Each of the five struggled as they were removed, their heads turning fitfully as they searched for the nipple they had left. But the goddess held each girl in turn, and crooned sweetly as she cuddled them, until they had all drifted into sleep. When they all lay before her on the pillow, she flicked her tail over the bunch. They blurred briefly, then vanished.

"Why did you send your kits away, majesty?" I asked, concern leaking into my measured tones. "Is it not dangerous for them to be away from you? Especially so young?"

The Cat sighed. "I wish I didn't have to let them leave. But they are still learning, back in the world from which they came. They are slowly abandoning the ways of their former kind, and learning the responsibility that comes with the power of a goddess."

"Responsibility?"

"As you say, being served requires ... entanglement. What humans call noblesse oblige." The Cat wiggled on the pillow to become more comfortable, and cradled the one girl still feeding. She continued to suckle, moaning with contentment. "These demons who surround and protect me require sustenance in the form of human suffering. In exchange for their loyalty, I provide them with a way to feed through the actions of my children. And through those actions, I teach my children what it means to be a goddess."

"Human suffering." My tone was flat. The Cat eyed me curiously. "This bothers you, vixen?"

I shrugged. "I have always had a fondness for humans, and I do not hide it. Your kits are human still. But I do not understand. As a race, humans suffer quite enough to feed your guard, without having your children go out where it is unsafe and create more woe. Why send them?"

"Because strife created is sweeter by far to them, kitsune. These pain eaters can live on the background suffering of billions, but they thrive on suffering deliberately caused by magic."

That makes these Others the opposite of the joy eaters,' I mused. 'Magic tainted their meals. They could only live on naturally occurring happiness.' Belatedly, I also realized that the pain eaters were not as tied up as I had originally thought. They had made a bargain -- with the goddess. They could use their powers whenever and however they wished in her service.

Please be silent,' the fox spirit whispered. 'I am attempting to get the information you seek, without endangering your existence ... or mine.'

"So they create suffering with the power you are giving them, to feed your ... followers?" I spun slowly in mid-air, wrapping myself in my nine tails. "I am curious. How is causing pain to humans a good way to train a goddess?"

"They must learn to put their needs above all others." The Cat rolled over and stretched, her tail flicking insolently over her all-too-human hips. "Human concepts like loyalty, compassion, and empathy weaken a goddess. They are useful, in their way, when it is convenient to be merciful. Or when one is obligated to one's followers, or one's equals. But to let them rule you, as my human children used to ..." She shook her head. "It is unacceptable. I must wean them from their humanity, and teach them that their loyalty lies with me, and with others of their kind."

I regarded her as I floated above her, my revulsion tempered by the vixen's unnerving calm. "It must be difficult," I mused aloud, "to make them reject emotions so fundamental to the core of every human. Especially in ones so young."

"The self-centeredness of youth easily overcomes the need to love and care for others, vixen. Children always feel that the world revolves around them, as you know." She spoke casually, but it cut deep. I felt a sharp pain tear across my heart, and hugged myself tightly.

"I do not know, and may never know, goddess." The words seemed to rip free from the depths of my soul, and I knew Akomachi's despair as if it was my own. "As you are already aware, my mate is gone a thousand years past, and the ghosts of ten thousand pups haunt me still. The pups I never birthed, and will never know." My knees came up and I folded into a ball. My whole body shook.

There was a long silence that seemed to roar in my ears, and then I felt the Cat's tail snake across the distance between us and wrap itself around me. "I am so sorry, Akomachi. It was thoughtless of me not to remember." She poured honest regret through her touch into me, and it washed over the hurt I felt and lessened the pain. I reached out to her and bathed in her concern, and I stayed huddled in her embrace until I could come back to myself.

Finally, I stroked the fur on her tail, and she released me. I flew up above her, and hovered there.

"I thank you for your consideration in my time of grief," I said formally. The Cat bowed her head, closing her eyes. "As ... friendly as our meeting has been, I wish to return to my own home and meditate a while. I will not forget you, highness."

"Nor I you," she replied. "Had I known your true nature, I would have asked you to join me earlier, for company and conversation."

"I will return soon, if you would like?" The goddess nodded, and I smiled back. "Until we meet again, majesty."

The cave and the Cat disappeared from sight.

###

Suddenly, I was face-to-face with a pair of bright green eyes, surrounded by white fur. Startled, I fell backwards, landing on my naked bottom and scrambling backwards on green grass. There was something odd about the feeling of my skin against the ground, and the way my breasts bounced as I moved, but I scarcely noticed. I was too busy looking up. And around.

The fox spirit floated a few feet above me, framed against a sky of the brightest blue. Her mouth was open in a canine grin that could be either friendly or ferocious, but was obviously directed at me. I was pretty sure she held no malice towards me, but being naked and defenseless is not the best way to meet something as powerful as the spirit before me.

"Of course not," Akomachi responded politely to a sentence I never spoke. "But you need not fear me. I have shared your body and seen your thoughts. I know you as no other does, and I have found you to be a noble and worthy soul. I have no quarrel with you ... although you did call to me without permission, and without the proper rituals."

"I apologize for that, guardian of the Lower Temple," I said respectfully. "I did not mean to call to you at all."

"No," she said, her tone slightly curious. "You meant to impersonate me. Why?"

I looked her in the eye and spoke from the heart. "It is said among my kind that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Long before I found myself becoming the Advocate, you and your brothers and sisters fascinated me. So powerful, and yet no strangers to humankind. Sometimes allies, and yet always alien. Very conscious of right and wrong, yet less interested in the human concepts of good and evil. And very, very powerful." I sighed. "So when I found myself in that situation, facing a magical creature of unknown strength, I immediately chose yours as the form I wished to take, to face her on even terms. Or at least make her pause before she tried to kill me."

I bowed my head and closed my eyes. "I apologize for my presumption."

"There is no need." I looked up and found the vixen smiling at me, her head tilted to one side. "As you say, I am ... flattered. It has been a long while since kitsune have been revered or honored. I was elsewhere, and then I heard your call. Your intensity ... your devotion ... your need ... they called to me. So I came."

I looked up, confused. "How could you hear me call, guardian? I thought I was ... well shielded."

Akomachi seemed to sigh without sighing. "You were. Your defenses were impressive. But your call opened up a portal in your shields ... a doorway only I could use. Otherwise, how could someone in danger or under attack ever call for aid from my kind without making themselves defenseless?" She rolled in mid-air and stretched. "The fact that you were shielded was part of what intrigued me about you, Becca-chan. I answered a call for help, and found ... you. A human ... with such power! A mystery! But then I saw what you were trying to do, and the ease with which you were doing it. I was not sure you could successfully pretend to be one of my kind, and you had called to me for help. I knew I had to know more. I knew I could not physically enter her lair without revealing your deception. So instead, I chose to become one ... with you."

Akomachi drifted closer, her bright green eyes suddenly serious. "One of the things we kitsune do is possession, Advocate. But we do not do it often, because it has a price for us. It is much more than your Western concept of taking over the body of another and bending her to our will. Some Japanese legends describe it this way, but they are wrong. Instead, our possession is an ... intense sharing of everything that makes us unique, at the most basic of levels. I now know everything about you that there is to know, and you know things about me no other human can imagine."

I looked up at her, confused. "I don't understand. Why are you so reluctant to merge with someone? It seems you gain and not lose from the experience. What is the price you pay?"

"What I have gained from merging with you, Becca-chan, is also what I have lost." The fox spirit waved her paw at her chest. "Now I know what it means to be you. To be human, and ... mortal. As an immortal, to feel death's grasp is painful. And now, there is a part of me that understands why you made the choices you did, to become the Advocate. All those human concepts of courage and justice, good and evil."

She shuddered, just a little. "Inside me now is a small piece of humanity. A part of you that will never leave me. It has immense value, as all true knowledge does ... but it hurts, as well. And that, sadly, will never stop."

I looked around. We were on top of a hill, covered with the greenest grass I had ever seen. The sky was a rich deep blue that seemed to draw the eye into it, and there were forests spread across the landscape as far as I could see. A bright silver stream wound across the landscape. She saw me take it all in, and felt my wonder.

"Where are we?"

"This is my home, Becca-chan." She smiled at me again. "Your home, too, now, whenever you wish."

"What do you mean?"

The fox spirit tilted her head at me, her eyes squinting slightly as they met mine. "We have become family, you and I," she said, "bound by the sharing of body and soul. A consequence of your power, I believe. We two became one, for a time, then became two again. Now both are part human, and part kitsune. Both of us, kin." The vixen opened her mouth in another grin. "Perhaps mother and daughter, if I may be permitted to have at least part of my dream." She waved her paw at me, and said, "Look down, child."

I did, and froze.

I was a kitsune, just as I had been in the Cat's lair, only my fur was reddish-orange with a white muzzle, neck, chest, and paws. I had only a single tail, reddish-orange tipped with white. The world spun slightly, and I reached up to touch one soft velvet ear with my fingertips.

'Huh,' I thought, half in wonder, half in shock.

'I wonder what Mom's policy is concerning pets?'

© 2005-2006 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

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To Be Continued...

Becca discovers she's not quite herself anymore (but doesn't seem to mind). She also gains another mentor and friend, takes a "paws" in the action to go fishing, and discovers that you really CAN go home again ... especially when nobody knows you left.

by Randalynn

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"Transformation literally means going beyond your form." - Wayne Dyer

 
 

I was a kitsune, just as I had been in the Cat's lair, only my fur was reddish-orange with a white muzzle, neck, chest, and paws. I had only a single tail, reddish-orange tipped with white. The world spun slightly, and I reached up to touch one soft velvet ear with my fingertips. 'Huh,' I thought, half in wonder, half in shock. 'I wonder what Mom's policy is concerning pets?'

My initial reaction to my newfound foxiness was confusion. I suddenly felt ... more. Of everything. Colors were brighter, smells were overwhelming. Soft breeze ruffling my fur, slipping across parts of me that were never bare in the outside air. There was a soft ringing in my ears, and I was vaguely aware of the tip of my nose at the end of a long muzzle hovering there between my eyes. Everything around me started to fade as I drifted towards unconsciousness ...

... and then an impossible, almost alien calm rose up from deep inside and pulled me back down into the world that was. I felt strangely at peace, and my senses dropped back from overwhelmingly sharp to pleasantly enhanced. I was connected somehow, to everything around me. The sky, the trees, the grass ... even to Akomachi as she hovered in the air in front of me. A part of me acknowledged that the calm was not a normal reaction for the girl I used to be. But for a kitsune, it was perfectly natural. And being at least partly kitsune now, being centered and part of the natural world was completely normal. I realized it was probably that part of Akomachi still inside me, from the time we shared my body.

It still scared me, to think of myself possessed of something as strange as this accepting placidity. And yet, what had I lost, really? The paralyzing "flight or fight" reflex that drove so much of human behavior? Was that so bad? And was anything of Becca even really lost? It could only be masked by the kitsune response that this form made dominant. My human responses could just be hidden, waiting for an opportunity to emerge

Even without the kitsune calm, I could see that panic would not be an appropriate response. I felt my whole body go as still as a mountain lake on a windless day. I should be honored, I thought. After all, I had always respected and revered the kitsune. Now I was one -- at least, in part. Just like that, I felt a smile coming on, and I looked over my shoulder at my newest furry appendage. It seemed to sway back and forth with a mind of its own, and I looked up at Akomachi.

"Only one tail?" I gave her a little pout. "I feel cheated somehow. After all, I did have all nine of yours to play with for a while." The vixen's mouth opened in silent laughter. I grinned. "I know, more tails come with time, and wisdom." My own smile faded. "But I have no time, Akomachi. As much an honor as this is, I cannot stay like this. I have work to do, as a human. And I have a family, and a life, that I need to return to."

"You may call me Oneesama, if you wish," the fox spirit replied. "It is an appropriate honorific, in and of itself." Information about the complex Japanese forms of address between individuals flowed into my head. She looked down, briefly, and it seemed as if she was embarrassed. "However, I must admit that, in the short time we have known each other, I have come to think of you more as my daughter than as a friend. If, one day, you come to think of me as a mother, I would be honored if you would call me 'Casa.'"

The vixen looked up and smiled slightly. "In either case, formality between us would be absurd, Becca-chan. We have, after all, shared a body. And you need not worry. Our kind have always been shapeshifters. Your human form remains, with all of its power, whenever you choose to reclaim it. As does your work. But I would talk with you for a while, if I might?"

I thought for a moment. I genuinely liked Akomachi. I understood her in ways I have never understood another person, because of what we had shared. And I knew how much she truly wanted a daughter. Finally, I decided that a girl could never have too many mothers, and I smiled. "I would welcome the gift of your time ... Casa." I felt her pleasure flow through me like a physical force, and I let it gently stroke my soul in passing. I concentrated, and floated up to join her in mid-air. "But I am curious. How is time passing in the world I left, where my ... other family dwells? I have been gone a while, and I would not wish them to be worried at my long absence."

Akomachi shook her head. "Only an instant has passed there since your departure at the hands of the Goddess. No other time shall pass until you return. And what we need to speak about is important."

The two of us drifted towards the river, and my new senses were overwhelmed by the smells of the forests and the grass. My eyes were so sharp, I could see for miles.

We floated gently to the ground by the water, and Akomachi padded over to the river's edge on all fours. She looked over her shoulder and grinned at me. "Come, Becca-chan. Fish with me!" I looked at her, a bit cautious, and she shook her head and let her tongue hang out of her mouth. "You are young and life is short, child. Catching your own food can be fun! We can talk of serious things and still enjoy the baser pleasures life brings. It is part of being kitsune."

I peered into the water, where big fat fish swam complacently under the surface. "I thought foxes did not fish for their food, Casa."

She shrugged. "Foxes do not. But I am kitsune, and this is my home, and I have come to enjoy fishing ... and fish. If you'd rather, we could hunt voles, or other small game ... but I sense that you are not so much one of us that the game of predator and prey would interest you. Yet." Akomachi paused for a moment, then her paws darted below the surface and came up with a huge fish. It fought fiercely in her hands, and she held it up to me with a grin. "On land or in water, the fun is in the hunt, Becca-chan. In being faster than the fish, in her own element." The fox spirit looked into the fish's eyes, and her grin became a small smile. "Of course, the best thing about fishing is ... you can choose to let them go."

The vixen lowered the fish back into the water, and it swam rapidly away. I looked at her, slightly confused, and she looked at me and smiled. "It is only a game, Becca-chan. We are fox spirits, not foxes. I do not need to eat, and as kitsune, neither do you." Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she cocked her head. "Although you should know that I can eat if I wish, and have often eaten and enjoyed my prey in the past. It is my choice, and part of who I am. Does this disturb you?"

I felt almost as if I were being tested, and I looked into her eyes and shook my head. "I would not have you deny who and what you are, Casa, nor should anyone. Does a mountain deny itself? Or a river?"

Akomachi's smile grew, and I felt a soft caress deep inside my soul. "Thank you, Becca. Today, I fish only for fun. So come, daughter ... play with me?"

I threw her a tentative grin of my own, and settled down to peer into the river, looking for a likely target. Akomachi moved downriver a few meters and continued to fish as she spoke.

"Normally, kitsune do not involve themselves in human affairs unless specifically asked for help." Her nose moved slightly as she tracked her next victim through the clear water. "When your admiration and respect called to me, I was curious, and chose to take it as a request for aid, as is my right. Also, since you were engaged in an ... interaction with a magical entity, the normal rules about human affairs did not strictly apply."

I nodded, ears at attention, watching my own fish move closer. "When we were one, I saw that you have sworn to protect your kind from magical abuse, and that is a worthy goal. Oaths are very important to kitsune, as you know. But as impressive as you are, as a human, you are still new at what you do. There are questions you have not asked yourself. And your current teachers have not asked them for you. In fact, they may never ask them for you, because they have their own concerns for you and your mission -- and their own opinions of those creatures with which your kind shares this universe."

My paws moved faster than thought itself, and I held a silver fish up over my head. Now it was my turn to wear the predator's grin, and Akomachi grinned back. I carefully slipped the fish back into the river, and watched it swim away.

"Your Arbiters think all magical creatures are guilty, by their very nature," the vixen continued, "and as a result, they spend all of their time waiting to pass judgment whenever an opportunity arises. They do this because it is what they do. They have no life beyond their duty. It is their entire purpose, judgment and punishment. They saw the need for someone like you when too many magical creatures evaded their 'justice' through loopholes. But I believe they might have seen you as little more than a samurai to fight their battles, when in fact, the Omnipresence intended you to be so much more."

She paused, her eyes lit up, and before I could blink she held her own fish aloft, arms over her head. Happiness poured off of her in waves, a joy that was pure and at the same time wicked. I tapped my paws together in applause, and she delivered a mock curtsey that made me burst into laughter -- a curious sound in my kitsune form, like Lauren Bacall impersonating the bark of a small dog who smoked two packs a day. The vixen laughed with me.

After we stopped, Akomachi placed her fish back into the stream gently. Instead of continuing to fish, she padded up onto the river bank and sat near me, by the edge. "You do agree," she said, "that the Arbiters are somewhat ... limited in their point of view?"

"Absolutely," I replied, watching my own fish slip away. "Because of the nature of their work, they only see that part of the Omniverse for which they are responsible, and view all things through the filter of their obsession. That's how Leander's punishment came to be. A human is different from a demon, and deserves a different punishment. They just didn't know better, because they couldn't." I glided up onto the bank and sat beside her, our legs just touching. We both looked out at the water together in a companionable silence. "Still," I continued, "they did help me past a difficult situation and gave me the ability to do some good, so I am somewhat ... predisposed towards thinking kindly of them."

"Even if their help came at a price?"

I smiled. "Casa, almost everything comes at a price ... and this price was one I was willing, even eager to pay. I know you know that. And if the giver is the universe, the price is one of roads not taken, or opportunities missed. For a new job, you must pay with the security and familiarity of the old one. For adult pleasures, you pay with the innocence of youth." I shrugged, and turned my nose down towards the water. My reflection gazed back, placid and quite centered, and for the first time, I noticed that my ears were actually black. "If the might-have-been was a universal currency, everyone in existence would be rich beyond measure."

I watched Akomachi's reflection look at me, curiosity clearly evident in the tilt of her head. "How did you become so wise, Becca-chan?"

I grinned and shook my head. "Wise? I don't know about that. But I have learned a lot. I lived for over forty years surrounded by the most dangerous creatures in the Omniverse -- humans. I kept my eyes open and my feet on the ground. And I suffered every minute of every day for being what I was not, and knowing it would never change." One of her tails brushed my side gently, over and over. I felt her love as a tangible force, and sighed. "It made me sensitive to the suffering of others. It helped me share their pain."

"I understand your need," Akomachi said softly, "as you understood mine in the Cat's cavern, because I felt the shadow of it when we were one. I could have helped you in your youth, if you had only called out to me as you did before. But for all of your reverence and respect for my kind, you did not truly believe we were real. So you did not call."

"I only wish I had, Casa. Perhaps my call would never have reached you, had I not been given this power by the Omnipresence." I sighed again. "We will never know. Still, my suffering brought me to think more than most about the nature of reality, and of humankind. So if I am wise, blame my wisdom on thinking too much."

The vixen's shape shimmered and blurred, and suddenly a large white fox sat beside me. Only her nine tails showed her true nature. She threw me a predator's grin, and I gave her one back. Then I concentrated, and my own form changed to that of a red and white fox. I watched my vision shift again, becoming sharper with more muted colors. Akomachi turned and began padding towards the forest. I followed, still getting used to the experience of moving on all fours.

"It is more than thinking too much, I think," she said, her voice suddenly in my head. "You are gifted. You perceive the universe as an intricate series of layers, woven together and interacting on levels others cannot even begin to imagine. You can truly see through the eyes of others, gain their perspective with but a thought -- not by reading their minds, but by seeing the world as they see it. You can solve problems by literally turning the Universe on its side in your mind, and seeing things in a new way. It has helped you thousands of times in your earlier human life, before your encounter that morning and your new life as the Advocate."

I started to protest, and the vixen turned her head to face me. The look in her eyes stopped me in my tracks. It was stern and focused. "And now you seek to deny it -- to deny who you are. 'Does a mountain deny itself? Does a river?'" My own words turned against me, there was nothing I could say. Akomachi's voice softened in my head. "Do not try to lie to me, daughter, after what we have shared. These are things that need to be said ... and heard." I stayed silent. Her eyes narrowed. "I know you are embarrassed by being better than other humans. You wish to hide what makes you special. Tell me why."

"Surely you already know," I said softly. She nodded.

"Of course I do, and so do you. But I want you to say it. To ... acknowledge it. Can you?"

My turn to nod. "I have always believed that thinking you're better than other people is wrong. It's the first step on the road to becoming everything I despise -- to becoming a slave to my own ego. I don't want to believe I'm better than other people, because that implies that other people are less than I am. Once that happens, I'll start believing I have the right to tell others how to live their lives, just because I'm better. Better to deny that I am special than to admit it to myself and risk becoming the jerk I could be."

Akomachi nodded once, decisively, then sat directly in front of me. "Now, Becca-chan ... what is wrong with your theory?"

"I don't know," I said sheepishly, looking away.

"You do know," the vixen replied sharply. "But since it is my turn to state the obvious, I will oblige. The phrase 'all men are created equal' is a fiction. There are those among your kind who can run a mile in under four minutes. They are better than you at running ... at least in your human form. Does that make you somehow less than they are? No. It makes them better at moving quickly. That is all. You, however, can see the world from multiple perspectives, and solve problems they don't even know exist. This does not make them less than you. It just makes them different. And you know this. I know you do."

I hung my head, still in fox form. She padded over to me and pressed her body against mine, tucking her head under my chin and nuzzling my throat.

"Oh, Becca-chan," she sighed, her voice echoing in my head. "I think who you really are and what you can do is a large part of why you were chosen to be the Advocate. You could be the greatest force for good your people have ever known, but first you have to believe in yourself. The Arbiters do. Your human family and your friends do, too. Your ... boyfriend as well, although he does not know everything about you. And I? I believe in you most of all. Because I have been you, and you are indeed very special. You just need to see that, daughter."

Suddenly, I began to tremble all over, and both Akomachi and I reverted to kitsune form. I found her arms around me, holding me close and cradling me to her breast, and I felt the tears running down my nose and disappearing into her fur.

"Ssssssh," she whispered. "I know why you cry. Tell me, so you can tell yourself."

"Because I'm so scared!" My voice shook. "I have all this power, and I'm supposed to be able to use it, and protect people, and stop the 'bad guys.' And you tell me I'm better, and I'm special. You tell me I could be great." I felt Akomachi nod. "That's all well and good. But what if I'm not as 'special' as you think? What if I'm not good enough? I'm the only hope for those boys who were changed -- and maybe for the girls who are being changed by the Cat. What if I try to save them all, and fail? What then?"

There was a silence, and a sigh. "Becca-chan. What will happen if you do not even try?"

I froze and thought about what she had said. I remembered what I had thought in the cavern, just before confronting the Cat goddess. 'Always assume you can succeed. Otherwise, you're defeated before you begin.'

If I didn't try, I would definitely fail. No one would be saved, and I would curse my cowardice for letting it happen. But if I stopped being afraid and took a chance ... if I actually believed in myself, the way everyone else seemed to ... maybe we would all come out of this whole.

Maybe we could actually win.

I looked up and found the vixen looking down at me, a small smile playing at the edge of her mouth.

"Enlightenment," she said simply. "You will do what you must, because you have to. It is who you are. You will embrace your power, and your destiny. And you will prove, to yourself and to everyone, that you are every bit as gifted as I know you are. That you are everything you need to be to fulfill your oath and protect your kind."

Akomachi gave me a final squeeze, and stood. I looked up at her from the ground. She held out a paw. I took it, and she pulled me to my feet.

"You are always welcome here, daughter." She grinned her predator's grin. "But it is time for you to return to your own world, and consider what we have talked about. Focus your mind and retrieve your human form."

I did, and after a few seconds of shimmering in the air around me, a naked human Becca stood shivering slightly in the tall grass. I closed my eyes, and the clothing I had whisked away in the cavern came back and wrapped me in its embrace. Akomachi towered over the human me, still smiling. I hugged her tight.

"Thank you, Casa," I whispered. She hugged me back.

"You know I will stand with you, Becca-chan, when the time comes to face the goddess." Her voice rumbled in her chest. "As my child, it is my right to stand beside you in a time of challenge. The battle is yours to win, of course, but I know ... you will always make me proud."

###

I appeared back in the hallway of my home. Akomachi had helped me to orient myself, taught me the technique with a touch that brought it back from the memories she had shared with me during our time together, and watched me 'port home. After the tense confrontation in the cavern and the hyper-reality of Akomachi's home, my human reality seemed smaller somehow.

As in fact, it was. But small or not, it was home, and I was happy to be back.

I felt dizzy, just for a few seconds, and reached out with one hand to steady myself on the wall. The coolness of it against my fingertips brought me further back into the world. I closed my eyes and breathed in the air, scented with something sweet I couldn't quite identify. The bra and jeans that had fit so well a few hours of my lifetime ago seemed snug after bare skin and soft fur, but the feeling helped to ground me more.

"You okay, Bee?" I felt a hand on my shoulder, and opened my eyes to find Amy looking at me, her concern evident.

I smiled. "Just a little shaky," I said, reaching up to pat her hand with mine. "It's been a rough couple of days, after all."

She nodded, and chewed on her lower lip for a second. "Becca ... do you really want to go shopping? I mean, I was kinda into it and didn't think to ask if you were up to it ..."

"... and I knew you were into it and didn't want to spoil your fun," I finished for her. "Truth is, Ames ... I dunno. I'd love to go shopping with you, but I don't know if I'm up to 'shop 'til you drop' right now." I grinned. "I think I'd wind up dropping pretty fast."

Amy smiled back, then looked down, embarrassed. A few seconds later, she raised her head and smiled. "Maybe we should just hang in today, then. You know, listen to some tunes, watch some TV. Would that be okay?"

I gave her a big hug. "Better than okay, girl. I can't think of anyplace else I'd rather be."

###

We spent the rest of the day doing pretty much nothing much at all. It was wonderful. When Amy heard I was cleaning out my closet to make room for Heather, she looked at everything Heather didn't choose to keep with an eye for expanding her own wardrobe. Soon, Heather and I were watching Amy try on things while my computer played alternative rock by bands whose names Jack barely registered, even though Becca knew them intimately. Heather didn't seem at all embarrassed or upset by Amy stripping down to her underwear, and she didn't have a problem with doing the same when Amy begged to see the red dress Heather had tried on the night before.

When we all moved to the kitchen to raid the fridge, we found Jeremy buried in the new Samurai Champloo video game, and descended upon him as a group to wrest the controller from his grasp and do some serious playing ourselves. At first, Jeremy was a little upset. But since we immediately replaced the controller with a very cuddly (and loving) Heather, he suddenly decided that holding a warm girl beat holding a piece of cold plastic any day, and left Amy and I to wield our katanas in peace.

By late afternoon, we were all stretched out in front of the television, giving Heather a crash course in geek by watching the first episode of the Battlestar Galactica miniseries on DVD. Jeremy and Heather were snuggled in the loveseat, so totally wrapped around each other that I suspected neither of them was actually watching the screen. I was on the sofa with Amy, my head resting on her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"I'm glad you didn't die the other day," she said in a low voice, almost as if she was afraid to say it.

I turned my head to look up at her. "Me, too," I replied with a grin.

"Shut UP!" she squealed, and mussed up my hair with both hands. I giggled and turned my head all the way to tickle her tummy with my nose. Amy shrieked and started tickling me with both hands, and the two of us rolled onto the floor, laughing and screaming like idiots. Heather and Jeremy looked up for a moment, confused, then looked back at each other and went on with the kissing.

###

Hours later, Amy had gone home, Heather was picking out her outfit for tomorrow's school day, and as a nod to my earlier meeting with the Cat goddess, I was curled up on the sofa in a purple "Hello Kitty" nightgown and fuzzy slippers. The phone rang, and I picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Becca." Tommy's voice sounded happy and warm, and I felt a sudden rush of heat wash over me.

"TOMMY!" I squealed, and heard him laugh.

"Glad you're so happy to hear from me, babe," he said, and I heard the tenderness in his voice.

"You have no idea," I purred at him. "Drop on by and I'll show you just how glad I am."

He laughed again. "Don't tease, please. Or you're gonna wind up with a very interested boyfriend beating a hole in your door at two a.m. Then what ya going to do?"

I smiled a smile he could feel through the phone. "You did ask me not to tease, Tomcat. Do you really want me to tell you?"

"Down, girl! I thought you didn't want to jump ... or be jumped ... just yet." There was a pause, and a little hesitancy. "Unless ... that's changed?"

"I'm sorry, baby," I said softly. "I'm being awful, I know. I just ... I do want it. Just ... it's scary how much I want it, and I love you so much I know I'm going to say yes sooner than I should." I took a deep breath. "Dancing so close to the edge, like we do, it makes me feel sooo ... but I'm still too young. You are, too."

"I know." His heavy sigh rolled through my heart. "But the 'everything else' is so sweet, you won't catch me saying no the next time we're together." Another long pause. "'Tomcat,' huh? Where did that come from?"

I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. "Not sure. It just felt right."

He thought some more. "Well, I sorta like it. But just so you know, this tomcat doesn't go out yowling for anyone else but his girl. And he never will."

"I know," I whispered, my heart beating faster. "Thank you for understanding."

"Good things come to them that waits," Tommy replied with a grin in his voice. "That's what my Grandpa always said, and I waited long enough just to find you, so he musta been right. I can wait until we're both ready, 'cause I know we will be, someday." His voice dropped low, almost as if he didn't want anyone else to hear. "Love you, babe."

"Love you, Tommy."

"In the meantime," he went on, his voice still low, "while we're ... waiting, how about meeting me tomorrow morning before homeroom? Under the stairs by the girl's locker room? I need a really good reason to climb out of bed tomorrow to go to school, and you in my arms with your lips on mine is the only thing I can think of."

I felt a shiver run through me. "I'll be there, I promise. Ummm ... don't start without me?"

He snorted, then laughed. "God, you make me happy."

"You too." There was a warm silence, and Tommy cleared his throat. "I guess I'd better get off the phone before we both explode."

"That would be messy," I said seriously, then ruined it with a giggle. "See you in the morning, Tomcat."

"You sure will. Bye, Becca."

I hung up the phone and curled up into a ball, hugging the warm feeling he left in my middle and wishing the Arbiters could have made me just a year or two older.

God, how I wanted that boy!

###

It was about two o'clock in the morning when I woke from a sound sleep and smiled. I knew exactly how to deal with Leander's redemption. Mrs. Graymalkin was right -- the answer was right in front of me all along. I spent a half hour turning the solution around in my head, looking for weak spots while I listened to Heather snoring softly above me.

Suddenly, I realized that I didn't want to let this hang any longer. I wanted to deal with it tonight -- well, as much as I could deal with it tonight, anyway.

I reached out with my mind, and fingers of magical energy stretched across the planet, looking for the person I needed to speak with to set things in motion. I felt a jolt that shuddered through me, and smiled.

Leander was awake. I could feel it.

I rolled out of bed, wandered over to the mirror, and tried to get my hair into some semblance of order. I didn't have a lot of luck, but a scrunchy and a quick ponytail helped some. I was girl enough to know that I wasn't going for an uninvited visit without at least trying to make myself a little more presentable.

Closing my eyes, I willed myself to be ...

... somewhere else.

It turned out to be a suburban American kitchen, decorated in the latest style and spotlessly clean. I appeared behind Leander. She was wearing a pink teddy with a matching silk robe over it, and heeled slippers. Her hair was tousled and out of place, her head was bowed, and I saw her shoulders shaking.

There was a slight smell of recent sex in the room. A glass of wine and a bottle of chardonnay sat on the kitchen table in front of her, and as I watched, she raised the glass with a trembling hand and took a dainty sip. When she put it back on the table, Leander froze, just for an instant. I saw her shoulders straighten, and her head come up. Her eyes met mine in the reflection in the kitchen window.

"Hello, Advocate." Her voice was shaking, just a little, but there was still a bit of her old attitude slipping past the tears. Her eyes traveled down to my nightgown, and she smiled. "A ... fetching ensemble, Becca."

"Thank you, Leander," I said, and threw her a small curtsey. "You're looking pretty nice yourself. Did you ... choose that?"

She grimaced and shook her head. "Hardly. He wants this." She waved her hand across her breasts. "Wants his little wifey to look pretty when she gives him what he needs. And this is tame, compared to some of the other things he wants me to wear when we ... do it." She looked down. "Not to mention what he wants me to do."

"I'm surprised you're out here," I said, looking back at her in the glass. "Doesn't he want to cuddle afterwards?"

Leander gave an unladylike snort, and took another sip of wine. "That might be the case if he actually loved me. I think I fit in his view of the world somewhere around the same level as a family dog. If we had a dog, that is." She laughed, the sound dry and empty. "I'm just the friendly bitch who can make him cum. And do his laundry, and make his meals, and worship the ground he walks on. Every. Single. Day." She laughed again, and it sounded like the sound autumn leaves make when they're blown across the pavement on a cold November night. "I am just his wet dream made warm flesh. And every time I pleasure him, those bastards who did this to me make me love it. They make me cum, too ... and that makes me want something I should despise."

She turned around and faced me head on. "My God, how could you ever WANT to be a woman? To be some man's plaything? Pretty little painted toy, always bent to some man's will? Why would you turn your back on being a man and choose ... this?" The pain and anger warred on her face, and the tears kept pouring out. Finally, she turned away from me and bowed her head. Her shoulders started shaking again as she curled into herself.

I didn't think. I didn't have to. I walked up behind her, put my arms around her, and just held her. She stiffened for an instant, then broke down in huge sobs that made my heart ache. I poured my own compassion into her, let her feel how I felt for her as it washed through her soul. At first she resisted, but I kept wrapping her in layers of true emotion, and she saw how much I cared about her pain, and hated what they had done to her for so long.

Eventually, the tears subsided. I still held her, only I had slipped to the floor beside her chair and wrapped my arms around her torso. Her arms had found their way around me, and when I was sure she was listening, I spoke.

"What the Arbiters did to you had nothing to do with being a woman." She could hear the anger in my voice. "They used that body as a prison and tortured you with it. They did more harm than good, and never intended this to end. This has always been slavery instead of punishment, with no hope of redemption. It was wrong, and I told them so. At some length, I might add."

"You what?" Leander froze in disbelief. I let her go and moved away from her so I could look into her eyes.

"I told them they were wrong to do what they did to you, and after going away and thinking about it for a while, they agreed." I sighed. "So ... you're my responsibility, now."

Her eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"

"Well, they aren't your jailers anymore. I am. So what happens to you now ... is up to me."

She went stiff, all over, and her voice became very cold. "So what are you going to do to me?"

"Well, turn you back into a man, for a start," I replied, and smiled. "If that's what you really want."

Leander's mouth opened, but nothing came out. She seemed to be in shock, and I couldn't blame her. "A m-m-m -- man?"

I nodded. "I'd have to take away your magic, and give you something of a stake so you could make your way in today's world, but if you want to be a man again, that's fine. You've spent five hundred years trapped in a body you despised. I think that's enough to punish you for your crimes, don't you?"

She nodded without really thinking, and one hand rose up to touch her breast, still wrapped in pink silk.

"The trouble is, your punishment created its own problems, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with those." Leander looked down at me, and her eyes filled with confusion. I sighed. "Good God, Leander, you're filled with hate and anger, and I don't blame you. You have been ill-used, and twisted by time and circumstance into thinking a woman's role is to be a man's slave. You don't have a clue what being a real woman is, and the past five centuries have done nothing to show you how to truly behave like a man instead of a tyrant. If I just set you free, even without your magic, I could be causing more harm than you did before you were caught."

The poor girl looked like she was going to cry again, and I shook my head and gave her arms a squeeze. "You're not staying like this, hon. I promise." I paused, then plunged ahead. "I have a proposition to make -- one that will benefit us both in the years to come."

She cocked her head, and I continued. "I'd like you to come and work for me. I'm looking for a knight in shining armor, but a spell-slinging ex-warlord and former housewife will do."

Leander laughed, a truly feminine sound that almost stopped her from continuing. When she got over her initial shock, she said, "You must be joking."

I shook my head. "I'm not. I don't care if your armor's tarnished -- hell, if you were 'sans peur et sans reproche,' you never would have wound up in that cute pink teddy, or on the wrong end of five hundreds years of domestic and sexual servitude. What I want to do is give you a chance to learn what it means to be a good man."

She shook her head and sneered. "Like you could give me lessons in manhood, Rebecca?"

My own anger flashed out. "I was a good husband and father for a lot of years, bitch," I snapped. "I may not have liked being a man, but I worked at it, and I did my best. I was proud of who I was -- who I made myself become. I was a good man. Could you ever say the same? How many people did you hurt for the fun of it? How many were killed because you were playing with other people's lives? Entire armies ... hell, whole villages of innocents died for your entertainment! That's not being a man. That's being an asshole, on a level so high you only come out looking good in comparison to Vlad the Impaler and Josef Mengele." I took a deep breath. "Right now, I'm trying very hard to forget all the bad you did because of all the bad the Arbiters put you through, but you're not making it easy. So just shut up and let me finish making you an offer ... before I decide to forget the whole thing and send you back to bed with Hubby."

Leander looked at me, her eyes wide with fear. "Y-y-y-you promised I wouldn't have to stay like this!"

I sighed, and nodded. "I did. That's true. But there are worse things I could think of than locking you away in a suburban house in Vicki's lingerie. Think about it." I paused for a second to let that sink in, then sighed and went on in a normal tone. "If you're working for me, you get to keep your magic, and use it to make things right. You will be fighting against magical entities who would prey on those less powerful than themselves, and there will be times when you will get to make the bad guys pay. But you will be working for me. I'm the boss. I call the shots, and you do what I say, or else."

There was a long silence. "For how long?' Leander's voice was small, and shaking.

"Until I see you've changed," I replied. "Until I decide you're not the ego-driven tyrant you used to be. Until I believe you actually care about the people we're going to save. Until I look over one morning and see a good man standing in your place. It's my call ... my decision. That's the deal."

She sat there, her eyes unfocused, and I knew she was thinking about the possibility of finally being free -- even if it might not be for years, or even decades. Finally, Leander spoke.

"Assuming I agree to 'work' for you ... how could you possibly trust me not to betray you someday? After all," and she bit off the words as they left her lips, "As you so forcefully pointed out, I was not a good man ... when I was a man. I might turn on you when events conspire to make escape an attractive option."

I shook my head. "You won't."

She focused all her attention on me, surprised at my tone. "You seem so certain. Why?"

"Because there's one thing about you that hasn't changed, in all the years you've been trapped in that body." I smiled. "Your pride. Your ... honor. You may not have been a good man, but you were a man. And that makes some things more important to you ... than freedom." I looked back at her, catching her eyes with mine. "You told me back in the hospital that you have always kept your word, no matter what. And you said that if you promised to fight beside me, you would. Did you mean it?"

She sat up straight, her back stiffened. "I did. Despite the endless lies of love I've been forced to spout to five centuries of husbands, I still have my honor. If I ever break my word, duly given with my full knowledge and consent, I would be no better than the 'plaything' your Arbiters made me. And that would kill me as sure as a sword."

"I believe you." I took a deep breath. "Would you be willing to swear an oath of fealty?"

Leander reared back, and her eyes flashed. "To who? The Arbiters? No! I would never --"

I held up one hand. "No. Not to the Arbiters. To me, personally."

"But you work for them!" Her voice shook, this time with anger.

"No. I don't." The calm tone behind my words stopped her cold. "I work for the Omnipresence, if I work for anyone at all. I am the Advocate. My job is to protect all humans from magical abuse, even when perpetrated by others with official standing, like the Arbiters." I leaned forward. "That's why I'm here, now, Leander. To save you from them, and what they've done -- but only if you are willing to swear, on your honor, to be loyal, obedient, faithful and true ... to me."

"Not to your office, Advocate?" There was a ghost of suspicion behind the question, as if this was all a scheme to trap her as my personal servant for all eternity.

I smiled, just a little. "The office is only as good as the person who holds it. I plan to be here for a long while, but I will not make you beholden to whoever comes after me. That would be almost as bad as leaving you in the hands of the Arbiters. No, you would serve me -- and if you served me faithfully and well, you would be free if I should die."

There was another long silence as Leander considered everything this might mean. I sat down across from her, and took both of her hands in mine. My touch seemed to frighten her, when I meant it to comfort and reassure. I gave her hands a squeeze and she looked at me, curious.

"I understand how this must feel," I said, holding her eyes with mine. "If you agree and swear this oath, you would be putting yourself in my service willingly, and it has never been in your nature to serve anyone's interests but your own. And I am not surprised that five hundred years as a sex slave and domestic servant hasn't made you sing the praises of working for others. But working for others is the reason I chose to become the Advocate. I'm not about to become what I have sworn to fight."

I let go of her hands and stood up. "This is a big decision. I don't expect an answer tonight. And if the answer is 'no,' we'll work something else out. Just think about what I'm offering before you turn me down, okay?"

"And what is that, exactly?" I raised an eyebrow. It was my turn to be confused. Heck, it WAS going on three a.m., after all. Leander sighed. "What exactly are you offering me?"

"A chance to be free to chart your own course for the first time in centuries. A chance to use your magick skills to do some good for a change," I replied with a grin, "and maybe ... the chance to put a little shine on your armor."

From the doorway behind her, a hulking figure emerged, groaning slightly and scratching his genitals.

"Hey, bitch." His voice managed to combine the snarling menace of a full-grown man with the petulance of a spoiled two-year-old. "I didn't tell you to get out of bed. I want you to do me seven ways from Sunday before the dawn's early light, so get your ass back there and start making me happy."

From the instant he entered the room, Leander's whole demeanor had changed. She immediately wrapped herself around him, rubbing her whole body against his and apologizing the entire time. "Oh, Joey, I'msosorryIwasn'ttherewhenyouwokeup ..." She trailed her tongue down his neck and wrapped his hardness in her hand, squeezing gently. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease please forgive me? I'll be very good, I promise." She leaned over and purred in his ear. "Very, very good."

Joey, the husband du jour, looked over at me while Leander fawned over him. I could almost feel her inside the pretty shell, screaming in frustration at being yanked so soon from her freedom.

"Well, well," he said with a self-satisfied purr. "Fresh meat. One of Lee Ann's friends, huh?" He ran his eyes over my thirteen-year-old body, tracing my curves and engraving them in the back of his mind so he could have great fantasy sex with an under aged girl later. It made my stomach turn. "Hey, baby. Wanna make it a threesome?"

I shook my head. "I would rather French kiss a rabid wolverine in a pit full of rattlesnakes," I replied, "than get into a bed with you, you repulsive troll."

He looked confused for a second, his hand squeezing Leander's bottom in an absent-minded sort of way. Then the fog lifted as he finally processed my answer. "Hey! That's not nice!"

"Neither are you," I pointed out cheerfully. "That doesn't stop you from saying the most revolting things, now does it?"

Again, his mind boggled at trying to interpret my words, and finally he shook his head.

"Awww, who needs you when I got her? You're barely out of a trainin' bra anyway." That stung, a little, until I considered the source. Joey swung Leander around, still kneading her ass, and started guiding her out the door. "Come on, sweet cheeks. I'm in the mood for some bedroom golf. Let's see how many holes I can play before the sun comes up." Leander giggled inanely, and I lost my temper completely.

"Let's not, Joey," I snapped. "If you were any more disgusting, I'd have to stamp XXX across your forehead and check IDs at the door."

I reached out and pulled Leander off of him, then threw her back across the room towards the kitchen table. She plopped down in the chair by her wine glass and threw me a picture perfect pout, as if she really wanted to go with the jerk. Joey stood there, stunned for a moment, then turned red with anger. His hands became fists, and he took a step toward me, roaring. "Just who the hell do you think you are?"

Ha! I thought triumphantly. A straight line if ever I heard one.

"Your worst nightmare, punk," I replied in my best Clint Eastwood drawl. "A woman who can say no!" With a flick of my wrist, I sent him ... elsewhere.

Leander's return to sanity was punctuated by a single gasp, the clink of a bottleneck meeting a glass, and a hearty gulp. I turned to find the glass at her lips, and watched her put it back on the table. She turned to face me.

"Mon Dieu," she said, betraying a French heritage I didn't know she possessed. "What did you do?"

"Got mad, I guess," I said with a mischievous grin. "It happens sometimes, and if you're going to work for me, you'll see it more often than I'd like. Besides, you needed to think about my offer, and with him around, all you could think about was sex."

Leander looked around the room, as if she could find Joey hiding behind the toaster oven. "Where did you send him?"

"Well, he couldn't seem to stop thinking about sex either, so I thought I'd give him more than he could stomach. Literally." I could barely keep the smile in check, and suddenly it just rolled out and made itself at home on my face. "I turned him into a big-breasted blonde bombshell, made him submissive as all hell, and dropped him down smack in the middle of a three-day bachelor party in Vegas. He'll do whatever they want, whenever they want, and never say no. And when it's over, Joey will wake up in Vegas on Tuesday morning in his old body, dressed in a silver lame bikini that's two sizes too small. He'll have an odd salty sweet taste in his mouth, and feel sore in places he shouldn't even have. Then he'll remember just enough to make him shake all over until he can make himself forget."

Her eyes narrowed. "Did you really do that?"

I grinned. "No." Leander blinked. "I sent him into a pocket universe I just set up, where time runs at a very different speed. He'll pop back here whenever I decide to let him out, and think it's still today." She gave me the weirdest look, and I shrugged. "Oh, I won't say I wasn't tempted to send him to Vegas and put him through all that, but in the end, he's probably just as much a pawn of the Arbiters as you are." I sighed. "With great power comes great responsibility, Leander. As the Advocate, I need to think in terms of a measured response. It wasn't as if he was guilty of anything other than being a boorish, uncaring jerk, and I don't know how much of that disgusting performance was added by the Arbiters for your benefit."

I took an extra wineglass from the cabinet and slid into the chair opposite Leander's. "Besides," I said as I poured a small amount of wine, "in the end, if Joey doesn't wise up, he's going to wind up punishing himself for the way he's treated you."

"How?"

"He has spent years treating you like dirt and getting anything he wanted in return. Naturally, he assumes that's how women like to be treated." I grinned and took a sip. "It is soooo not true, of course, but Joey doesn't know that. As a result, he will spend the rest of his life wondering why women find him so repulsive, and eventually die clueless ... and alone -- unless he gets smart and grows up."

Leander took a sip of her own wine, and in a quiet voice, she said, "I hope he does. Get smart, I mean." When she saw the astonished look on my face, she gave me a small smile and shrugged. "I have spent fifteen years with Joey, and countless years before that with men just like him. I see in him an echo of the man I was, so long ago. For that alone, I would wish he could learn what not to do, and find some measure of happiness." She put her glass down and hugged herself under her breasts. "Also, I have spent a long time ... loving him, even if I was forced to do so. Part of me cannot help but wish him well, even as another part despises everything he's done to me. It's ... complicated."

"Now that's what it means to be a woman." I smiled as she cocked her head. "It's always ... complicated."

Leander smiled back, and we shared a moment before she looked down at her glass and sighed. I waited. Finally, she spoke.

"I don't know exactly what being a good man means," she said in a small voice, "and I'm not even sure I could learn to be one if I knew. What if I try ... and fail?"

"That's the wrong question to ask, hon," I replied, putting my hand on hers. "What you should be asking yourself is, 'what if I try ... and succeed?' Five hundred years is a long time to be trapped inside a life you never chose. This is a chance to choose again -- and maybe do some good."

I stood up. "Like I said before, I don't expect an answer tonight. Joey won't be back until I bring him back, so take a few days and think. No matter what, this part of your life is over. Think about what you want to replace it. As for me, I've got school tomorrow." I shook my head. "I can't believe I just said that."

I walked to the center of the room. "Call me if you want to talk, or if you have an answer. Either way, Joey doesn't come back until you've moved on." I started focusing, getting ready to 'port home.

"Becca." I opened my eyes. Leander was standing by the table, her mouth set in a grim line. She looked me in the eye. "Write me an oath, I'll take it."

"That was quick."

"I've had five centuries of waiting," she said softly. "Some decisions ... make themselves. And there's something about you ... something that makes me want to believe in you, in spite of myself. It's foolish, and sentimental, and wrong in too many ways to count. But maybe I've been a woman long enough to count on my ... intuition. Or maybe I just want to believe in something after all those years."

I took a step towards her, and she took one toward me. Suddenly, inexplicably, we were hugging. It didn't last long, and Leander seemed to melt into it for an instant, before drawing back, embarrassed. I saw her face and smiled.

"We'll write the oath together," I said. "It should bind us both and serve us both. Otherwise, it's just a waste of breath."

"Agreed ... My Lady."

"Save it until afterwards, 'Lee Ann.'" I squeezed her arms and let go. "You're not my knight yet. Right now, let's both get some rest. We'll work on the oath tomorrow. "

"Yes, I forgot. It's a 'school night.'" Leander grinned, teasing me a little. "I think I'll sleep in. It's been a while since I had the bed to myself."

"I'll bet." Again, I moved to the center of the room and started to focus. As I began my 'port home, I watched the smile grow on her face, and I knew I'd made the right call.

I just hoped everyone else agreed.

© 2005-2007 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

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---

 
To Be Continued...

Oaths are made, alliances forged, friendships kindled, and enemies revealed, as Becca prepares for the final confrontation with the Cat Goddess and her "children." Who would have thought "making out" would lead to the beginning of the end?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"Love is the only force capable of transforming
an enemy into a friend." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
 
"There is nothing so likely to produce peace as to be
well prepared to meet the enemy." -- George Washington
 
"Bring 'em on. I prefer a straight fight
to all this sneaking around." -- Han Solo

 
 
Nearly everyone was unhappy with my solution to Leander's problem.

Well, Mrs. Graymalkin liked the idea, but then again, she'd thought of it first. The Arbiters were angry with me for trusting someone they believed to be beyond redemption, and Heather was worried I was giving Leander too much credit, considering how hard she tried to kill me the first time we met.

We took a few days to work out the oaths to the best of our ability, and they were reviewed and approved by Mrs. Graymalkin. Leander had assumed I would have the ceremony both witnessed and bound by the Arbiters to ensure her compliance, but I told her that would completely defeat the purpose behind it all.

"We need to trust each other," I said, sitting across from Leander at her kitchen table a few days later. "The only reason I would use the Arbiters to enforce the oaths would be if I didn't trust you to abide by it, and I do. I know you'll keep your word, so who needs them? Besides, I've only just managed to get you free of them. I'm certainly not going to give them a way to take you back. The one thing they never expected from me was my giving you a free and unconditional parole, based entirely on your own sense of honor. Considering how angry they are about the entire situation, they could spend the next fifty years finding fault with everything you do. They'll keep insisting you've broken the agreement somehow, just to get you away from me and back under their control. I can't allow it. I won't."

Leander was dressed in a comfy red velvet blouse and a pair of black Capri pants, with her hair falling in gentle curls over her shoulders. She looked at me over the rim of her glass of wine and smiled.

"Thank you," she said simply, but her eyes sparkled. "I see my trust in you is not misplaced. I hope I prove worthy of yours." Then she grinned. "Besides, anyone who angers the Arbiters on my behalf is more than worthy of both my service and my loyalty."

"The oath binds both of us, even before we take it." I raised my own glass and touched it to my lips, savoring the sweetness before continuing. "I serve you as much as you serve me. We protect each other."

"As it has always been, milady. And speaking of protecting you, aren't you a little ... young for wine?" Leander asked, her lip twitching slightly. It was my turn to smile.

"I guess that depends on whose calendar you use. On Jack's, I'm just fine. As Becca, I've got a few years to go. But emotionally, I'm a responsible adult. Considering everything I'm dealing with right now, I'd better be."

"You seem remarkably mature to me." Leander hid her smile behind her glass. "Except when you're acting like a lovesick schoolgirl."

"Well, sometimes I AM a lovesick schoolgirl." I grinned, but just thinking of Tommy made me blush. Leander caught it in the fluorescent lights of the kitchen, and as I turned away and took another sip, she shook her head and reached out to me. Surprised, I took her hand.

"Tell me something?" she asked, her face suddenly serious.

I looked into her eyes, a little confused, and nodded. "If I can."

"Why would you choose this, Becca?" She squeezed my fingers gently, as if trying to hold my attention. "Why would you toss away everything you had as a man for the chance to be a woman?"

I could see that this was no attack. She was genuinely curious. As I thought about her question, I suddenly realized that she seemed far more relaxed than I had ever seen her. Since I sent Joey into that pocket universe, she had more control over her day-to-day existence than she'd had in five centuries. She could have chosen to appear as mannish as possible, to distance herself from what she had been. Instead, she sat and held herself with an easy femininity I found slightly confusing. She seemed both more and less comfortable with herself and her surroundings than she had been a few days ago, and I wasn't quite sure where it was coming from, or why.

"It wasn't exactly my choice to be a thirteen-year-old girl," I replied, buying time. Leander shook her head and looked at me from under lowered eyelashes.

"Please, no evasions," she said, her tone serious and sure. "Not between us. This is important to me."

I gave her a sheepish smile and a brief nod, acknowledging my attempt to avoid the question. She smiled back. "I realize that this wasn't truly a choice for you. I know you always knew you were truly a woman inside ... all your life. But you were born a man, and without magic or expensive surgery, you were destined to remain that way. Why not just accept the reality of who you were and play the hand you were dealt?"

"I did, as well as I could and for as long as I could." My eyes drifted towards the ceiling as I thought back to the man I was. "But as good as I was at living that way, a part of me always knew the truth. I don't like lies as a general rule, and living a lie became ... a trial."

"And now? Is it everything you could have hoped for?"

I thought about it, and Leander let me. A kind of quiet rapport had grown between us since the night I rescued her from her "husband." It felt like she was slowly putting together a picture of her world and her relationship with it, and with me. Apparently, the centuries of being forced to play the brainless sex toy had given her a new respect for being able to think things through ... for weighing alternatives and taking the time to consider consequences.

It suited her.

She waited patiently for her answer, and finally I shrugged. "I've only been physically female for a few weeks or so, if you count my time as an infant. And I've been dealing with a lot of things that have little to do with the girl I've become. I've barely scratched the surface of how this feels to me, and what it means. But I do know this: when I wake up in the morning, I feel ... whole. I'm complete, in a way I never felt before. In spite of everything that's happened, I am Rebecca Jane Barnes. And it feels good."

There was another silence. Leander took a sip of wine as her eyes wandered across her kitchen, and she smiled. "I am happy for you, Becca, truly. But my problem, it seems, is just the opposite of the one you used to face. You always knew who you really were. I, however, am not quite sure who I am anymore."

There was a long silence, and I could sense this was difficult for her. In a way, she was acknowledging her trust in me by exposing a weakness, and taking me into her confidence. I said nothing, just waited. Nothing I could say would make this any easier.

"When I was first changed, I was eighteen years old -- a mage and a king, with lands to protect and an army sworn to make my word the law. I had tremendous power and an ego to go with it." She looked down at the tabletop, and her voice became small. "I was petty and cruel. I played with people's lives, and rejoiced in how easy it was to destroy the happiness of others. After being played with for five centuries, I know now how wrong I was. But back then, the world was mine, and in my heart, I knew that was just how it should be. "

Leander looked back up at me, and her eyes seemed to flash with anger. "Then, suddenly, without warning, I was a woman. I was small and pretty, and ... less than I was. Nothing but a poor man's wife, property of a hulking farmer of a husband. In the eyes of the law, I was little more than livestock." She took a deep breath. "To say I was in shock would be an understatement. I retreated from reality, ran inside myself and hid for weeks. My new body went on without me, doing her chores, satisfying her man."

"One day, I came to my senses with him inside me, trapped under his sweating, stinking body. The feeling of him inside me nearly sent me away again, but the orgasm that had started in my new body before I awoke built and exploded all around me as my 'husband' grunted and pushed his way to his own. Strangely, it grounded me, and kept me there when all I wanted to do was flee."

"Once he had finished, he rolled off of me with scarcely a glance and left the room, I felt control coming back to me. I reached out with my magic to regain my body and my throne, only to find nothing there but emptiness. I was cut off from the mystic realm completely -- powerless and frightened. And alone."

She looked down into her glass. "Without me to hold it together, my empire crumbled, as empires often do. I watched it destroy itself and wept as it died -- but only when I was alone. Whenever he was present, I was just as you saw me the other night -- a dutiful and obedient wife, eager for his touch, always willing and anxious to please. I was his for twenty years, then one morning I woke up still young as the wife of another, then another, and another."

"Since then, I have lived almost five hundred years in this body. I have experienced thousands of cycles of blood and pain and engaged in an endless parade of sexual acrobatics for the amusement of my 'husbands.' One would think after all of that, I would embrace returning to what I once was, and leave all this behind. And yet ..." She shook herself all over and took a sip of wine.

"And yet," I said softly, "this is who you are now, isn't it? Being a woman is all you have known, for far longer than you ever were a man."

Leander nodded and turned her eyes to mine. "The other morning, after you had taken Joey away, I woke up completely free of anyone else's influence for the first time in centuries. I was finally liberated, and anxious to take my first steps into a brighter future. So how did I celebrate my new freedom?" Sarcasm gave every word a bitter edge. "I took a long hot bath, dressed up in something pretty, and went out to the salon for a complete makeover."

Her voice dropped nearly to a whisper. "And when I came out hours later, primped and painted, I was watched by every man I passed. Part of me ... enjoyed the attention. The rest of me was ... well, ashamed. Even without Joey above me, I am beaten. I have become what they made me. After all of these years, I have lost ... myself."

"No, you haven't." She raised her eyes and stared at me. I caught a glimpse of a tear in her eye, but also a flash of hope. "Leander, did you ... approach any of those men? Did you want to give them whatever they wanted?" She shook her head warily. "Were sex and obedience the only things you had on your mind?" Leander shook her head, and I smiled. "See? This isn't about your punishment anymore. You were, and still are, in control."

Her face clouded, and her confusion rose to the surface. "But ... I don't understand, then. If that's true, why the bath? The clothing? The salon?"

"Why not? You could do whatever you liked, and that's what you chose to do. They made you feel good, didn't they?" Leander thought, chewing her lower lip, then nodded. I smiled. "You haven't lost yourself. You've just changed. You just did the things you liked to do, because you wanted to. On your first day of freedom, you chose to do things that made you feel good -- all things you've come to enjoy, despite the circumstances in which you discovered them."

I could see the wheels turning in her head, and gave her a smile. "It seems to me you're just exploring. Over time, you've come to enjoy some parts of being a beautiful woman. It's not a crime, you know -- you ARE a beautiful woman. With the programming gone, you're discovering you actually like some of the things that gave you pleasure in the past."

She shook her head. "It seems wrong, somehow. I feel cheated ... like I have been twisted into something I should never have been."

"Because it's true, Leander. Your choices were stripped from you, and you are not what you were." I shrugged. "But none of us is, really. We are all works in progress, shaped by time and circumstance, and who we are changes from moment to moment, for all of our lives. You've been trapped in a string of intensely female moments for over 500 years -- and all those moments, all those lives, changed who you are inside."

"What you're feeling now isn't a bad thing, hon. Far from it. You're taking the first steps towards figuring out who you really are, and who you want to be." I put my hand on top of hers and squeezed gently. "We can't go back and change what has been. We can only move forward from here. So take your time. Find your destiny. Stay as you are until you know which path is right for you. I will help when I can, but in the end, the journey is yours alone to take."

Leander looked at me for a moment, fear battling hope in her eyes. Then she turned her hand over and took mine in hers. We sat there for a while in silence, holding hands, drinking wine, and thinking about the past -- and what the future had in store for us both.

###

The next night, we gathered in Mrs. Graymalkin's Studio. The front windows had been magically altered to show nothing to passersby. This was a formal event, by invitation only.

Mrs. Graymalkin stood on the small stage with Heather slightly behind her, both of them dressed formally for the occasion in white blouses and long black skirts, stockings and pumps.

The Arbiters had chosen to use my reflection to once again manifest themselves in the dance studio's mirrors, but the petulant, angry expression on my doppleganger's face was nothing I would ever be proud to display on my own.

Akomachi floated above them all, a happy smile on her face. Her love for me filled the room.

When I had revealed Akomachi's involvement in my life and my new status as a kitsune (and Akomachi's daughter), Mrs. Graymalkin warmly welcomed her to her studio for the oath-taking. But the Arbiters viewed her with suspicion bordering on hatred, although they continued to treat her politely. 'A victory of protocol over anger and frustration,' I mused. 'They only see her as one more magical entity turning their champion against them.'

Heather was still slightly in awe of the fox spirit, but Akomachi's acceptance of Heather as my adopted sister banished her initial fear and filled the newly transformed girl with a warmth and acceptance of her own. The kitsune might be something new to her, but Heather had been out of her comfort zone magically since her transformation. Even though she still feared raw magic in any form, Heather trusted me implicitly. That trust alone almost brought me to tears. So when I told her Akomachi was a friend and ally, Heather just nodded once and opened her heart to her.

When they embraced for the first time, I did cry with happiness, and hugged Heather hard when they parted.

When the time came, Leander and I stood before them all. Our hair was loose, tumbling over our shoulders, and we wore matching green dresses with long and flowing skirts -- a simple cut that flattered us both.

"You may begin." Mrs. Graymalkin's voice was firm and commanding. We turned and faced each other, and Leander sank to her knees in a single fluid motion. She looked up into my eyes, took my hands in hers, and spoke from her heart.

"I do hereby promise and swear that I will bear true and unwavering allegiance to Rebecca Jane Barnes, the one true Advocate; that I will serve her faithfully as her friend, counsel and protector; and that I will obey her every command without question or reservation, and place my body and soul in service to her mission, until her death, or such time as she releases me from this oath. On my honor, this night, Leander Valéry Aleron de Lorraine."

She released my hands and bowed her head, awaiting my response. I stepped forward, placed my hand upon her shoulder, and spoke in a gentle yet commanding tone I didn't know I possessed.

"I, the one true Advocate, do accept this oath of fealty and service from Leander Valéry Aleron de Lorraine. I promise and swear to accept her service and protection with gratitude and respect, her counsel with an open heart and mind, and her friendship with my own. I will guide her and protect her to the best of my abilities, and reward the depth of her commitment to me with a commitment of my own -- to help her find her one true path and the peace it will bring her. On my honor, this night, Rebecca Jane Barnes."

I moved my hand to her chin and raised her face until our eyes met. Then I pulled her to her feet, wrapped my arms around her, and squeezed her tight. She looked frightened, just for an instant, then smiled and squeezed back.

"Duly notes and witnessed, on this day and this hour by Olivia Margaret Graymalkin, Heather Anne Thomas, the Arbiters of the Omnipresence, and Akomachi of the Kitsune. Welcome, Leander, to our fight ... and into our hearts." With those last words, Mrs. Graymalkin gave the Arbiters in the mirror an angry glare, as if daring them to contradict her.

I pulled back and looked at my champion with a smile, only to find tears of joy pouring down her cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, I kissed the tip of her nose and held her close again, and she held me tight and laughed as she cried.

'My family just keeps getting larger,' I thought happily. Akomachi smiled at me from the stage and nodded.

'That's as it should be, daughter,' she spoke in my head. 'For when the battle is joined, true family will stand beside you, and meet your enemies without fear.'

I reached out and touched her with my soul. 'I love you, Casa.'

A wave of affection rolled over me. 'I love you too, Becca-chan.'

###

After the ceremony, Mrs. Graymalkin had arranged for a celebratory dinner in a nearby restaurant. Leander and I still wore the pretty green dresses, and Heather and Mrs. Graymalkin were still in their black skirts and white blouses. Akomachi had shifted into the form of a beautiful Japanese woman with striking reddish-gold hair and a demure smile. Having no easy way to manifest themselves, the Arbiters were watching (and listening) but had no way to contribute.

The information Leander had promised back in the hospital helped narrow down the Cat's origins, or at least track her back through the earliest records of her existence. Back when Leander had been a warrior-mage-king, there had been traces of unfamiliar magic on the edges of his domain. Carefully woven scrying spells had given him scattered images of a cat woman being worshipped by a group of local farmers. Along with the images came a sense of tremendous power. Not wanting to meet this kind of threat without knowing his enemy, Leander ordered his scholars to find out what they could. The information they uncovered made Leander decide to leave this cat goddess alone, at least until his personal power became great enough to make victory a certainty.

She was called araNyamArjAra in texts Leander had magically translated from the original Sanskrit. She was described as a minor deity in the Indo-Aryan pantheon, but from what Leander's scholars could determine at the time, her position in the pantheon was by her own choice, negotiated with the various gods and goddess to allow coexistence without being assimilated. The fact that she could negotiate with the pantheon at all indicated that she wielded considerable power -- enough to make even a god consider compromise.

But Leander's scholars had traced her history even further back, to references found on a stone tablet rescued from the ruins of the library of Ashurbanipal, the king of Assyria from 669-633 B.C. Written in the Akkadian language, it told of the Sumerian king Gilgamesh and his encounter with an unnamed goddess of great power who appeared to be both human and feline. Even though Gilgamesh was not a magic user by nature, he was supposedly two-thirds god and one-third human, and with this innate power, he managed to fight the feline goddess to a standstill. Impressed, she agreed to leave his kingdom and not return while he was its king.

Since Leander was not even partially a god, he determined that his best course of action was to leave her alone and hope that she would eventually find another part of the world to make her home. Unfortunately for him, one of those he had wronged begged the goddess to bring him low, and with a wave of her tail, she transformed him and allowed everything he built to collapse into chaos while he was forced to watch.

When Leander finished telling what she knew, everyone at the table was silent.

"Well," I said, patting my lips with a napkin. "This tells us a lot."

"It does?" Heather sounded confused, and looked around the table. "I mean, it's interesting and all, but is there anything we can really use? It doesn't sound like she has any weaknesses ... does it?"

"It's not about weaknesses, child," Mrs. Graymalkin said with a smile. "It's more about understanding who she is and how she interacts with others."

"Exactly," Akomachi smiled as well, her voice warm and welcoming. "Remember, Heather, knowing your enemy is the first step in determining how to defeat her. Or even if you need to defeat her at all."

Heather still looked confused, so I took her hand and squeezed. She faced me, her face wearing a puzzled frown.

"It's like this, hon," I said. "From her history with the Indo-Aryan pantheon, we learned that the Cat Goddess had power, but chose to use it as leverage to bargain for what she truly wanted. She negotiated for -- and received -- a lower position within their existing system. I don't think she wanted power within the pantheon. I think she just wanted a little recognition -- a way to gain worshippers without having to conform to the hierarchy of the pantheon itself."

"From her history with Gilgamesh, we learned that she respects strength." Akomachi grinned at me, letting me know that her interruption was more a tease than a belief I couldn't figure it out. I smiled back and nodded. "When Gilgamesh proved to be her equal in battle, she agreed to leave voluntarily and not return during his reign."

"And what of my story?" Leander asked, her finger drifted around the rim of her wine glass. The edge in her voice betrayed the feeling behind her question. "What does that tell us?"

I turned to face her. "From your story, we learned that she occasionally behaved as a proper goddess, listening to her worshippers and using her powers for their benefit. She felt an obligation to help them -- although based on my conversation with her in the pit, I believe her opinion of humans has gone down drastically since then."

"Perhaps it is because she no longer has human worshippers." Mrs. Graymalkin stirred some sugar into her tea and took a sip. "Perhaps she feels that humanity abandoned her, and her response is to strike out at them with anger."

"I get the sense she's not attacking humans just because they are humans," I said. "It's more because she understands them, and they serve a dual purpose. Abusing them helps her teach her 'children' to abandon the best of human values. It also feeds her personal guard of pain eaters."

"And yet, for all her talk of human values being weak and inappropriate for her kind, she was quick to feel compassion for me." Akomachi looked at me. "She was quick to feel my pain and loss, and to sympathize."

"Because your problem was very much like hers?"

Akomachi considered, then nodded. "Or she viewed me as an equal, and worthy of her sympathy."

Silence fell again. I sensed that everyone was curious about Akomachi's problem, but were unsure whether it was proper to ask. Her addition to the mix had brought wisdom, but also left many confused as to how we had managed to acquire her allegiance -- not to mention how to behave in her presence.

Again, Heather broke the silence.

"So, we know more, but it doesn't help us free Mike and his friends." She sounded sad.

"It doesn't help us yet, hon. But everything we know brings us closer to finding an answer. Just a few days ago, we didn’t even know exactly what we were facing. Now we do. And we're learning how she thinks and feels." I reached out and took her hand. "It's a start."

"But every day ..." Heather couldn't continue. I could see the tears in her eyes. Akomachi took her other hand, and she looked up, surprised.

"This will not last, Heather. We are all working on this together, and we are formidable. Until Becca-chan's arrival, the situation remained unseen and unknown. Now, in the course of a week, we have determined what is going on, who is responsible, and why it is happening. The only question that remains is ... how do we stop it?"

Heather hesitated, then suddenly spoke, her words coming out in a rush. "Well, you're strong, and you're on our side. Couldn't you just ... take her on?"

Akomachi furrowed her brow, confused. "Take her on?"

"You know ... one-on-one, single combat, fight to the finish?"

The fox spirit's human face lit up in perfect comprehension. "Ah! You wish me to do battle with the Cat, and force her to submit to your will?"

"Ummm ... our will, but yeah. Save the boys -- and the girls, too, if this isn't really their fault."

Akomachi looked at me, and I looked back, shrugging my shoulders. The kitsune sighed.

"I am sorry, Heather. I cannot fight her. I can advise you in your own quest to resolve this, but direct action is denied to me, unless I am defending someone who specifically asked for my help."

"But you helped Becca --"

I held up a hand. "No, Heather. In the pit, I called to Akomachi with my power, my respect, and my need. She saw it as a cry for help, and came to rescue me before the Cat could harm me. She cannot attack the Cat without direct provocation, or risk creating an inter-pantheon conflict. There are rules dealing with how different pantheons interact, and Akomachi cannot break them without penalty."

Heather opened her mouth to argue, and I shook my head. "We can't cause a war, sis. We humans have a legitimate cause for action against the Cat. Akomachi does not."

"How do you know all this?" Heather looked frustrated, and I wished I could reach over and hug her. But she was too far away, so I did what I could, touching her soul with mine.

"Blame the Arbiters, or the Omnipresence." I felt Heather respond to the touch and saw her smile. "I've got a library or two of magical info in my head that comes when I need it. This isn't the first time I'm going to blind-side you with new data, sis, and I'm sorry. But at least you can take comfort in knowing that I get surprised all the time, in my own head."

"Don't be too concerned, Heather." She turned to face Mrs. Graymalkin. The woman looked back at her, a small smile playing across her lips. "Remember, the Advocate is our chosen champion. It is Becca's duty to rescue those children, and defend humanity from those who would treat us as prey. She can do it. I believe in her. You should, too."

"I do!" Heather's voice held concern, and something else. Fear. "I just ..."

I reached across the table and took her hand. "You just don't want to lose a friend, now that you've found one."

She squeezed my hand. "I don't want to lose you, Becca. I love you."

"You won't lose me. I'm not in this to fail, hon. Trust me."

"I do! It's just ... " She stood up quickly, biting her lip, and ran from the table.

I rose from my chair, hesitated for a second, and took off after her. Leander started to rise as well, but I saw Mrs. Graymalkin touch her arm and shake her head.

###

I found Heather in the ladies lounge, which was just inside the rest room door. She was sitting on the sofa, staring at her feet and wringing her hands. I sat down next to her, put my arm around her, and gave her a hug. She was trembling.

I didn't say a word, just held her for a while. Eventually the trembling stopped, and I touched her chin and turned her head until she faced me.

"What is it, sis?" I said gently, barely above a whisper. "What's wrong?"

"Me," she replied, a catch in her voice. She swallowed, and a few tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm wrong. You're going to be facing an ancient goddess with the power to change reality, and I can't help. Everyone at that table out there has something to offer -- magic, wisdom, something. I've got nothing."

"That's not true!"

"It IS." More tears welled up in Heather's eyes. "You were there for me when I needed you. I want to be there for you, too. I want to fight beside you to keep you safe, so you can save everyone else. But I'm just human. All I am now is a victim and a target. If I'm anywhere near you when it all goes down, you're going to have to keep me safe. That means I'm going to wind up making it harder for you to do your job."

There was a long silence. I thought for a moment, looked into her eyes, and nodded.

"You're right." She looked stunned. I went on, my tone as serious as I could make it. "Right now, without a way to defend yourself, you're in danger. You all are. You, Mom, Emma ... and Jeremy."

Then I smiled. "So I guess we'll have to make a magic user out of you, too."

Her jaw dropped in astonishment. "You mean it? Really?"

I nodded. "Really."

She squealed and hugged me close. I closed my eyes and hugged her back, and felt her happiness about finally getting to help. I pulled away and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, sis," I whispered. "I really am. But I've been thinking about this for a while, and the truth is, I need your help more than you realize. Mom, Emma and Jeremy live in blissful ignorance. They have no idea my job makes them targets for vengeance from every two-bit spell-slinger or demonic predator in the Omniverse. But I can't do my job and still defend the people I love, every minute of every day."

"That's why I need you to do it for me. I've checked your potential, and so has Mrs. Graymalkin. You can wield magic, if you're properly taught. But you can't fight beside me, because I need you to watch my back and keep my family ... our family ... safe. Can you do that for me?"

She nodded and hugged me again. "Of course, Becca. I'm glad you trust me enough to let me help."

"Heather, you're my sister now. I wouldn't trust their safety to anyone else." I smiled. "So let's get you some training and see how good you can be."

"How am I going to train? With Mrs. Graymalkin?"

"Eventually," I replied, "But for now, I think I'll share some of what I've learned to give you a head start. Defensive magic is the easiest to learn, so hold still." Thinking carefully, I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, willing the knowledge to flow from me directly into her. It only took a few seconds, and then I broke from the kiss and looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Heather seemed slightly dazed, but the small smile that played on her lips was proof enough my method worked. She nodded.

"I can feel something there, but I can't reach it. It's like knowing that you know a fact but not being able to remember it." She cocked her head at me, a question in her eyes. "Does that make sense?"

"Completely, sis." I stood up and offered her a hand. She took it and rose to her feet. "I think you need some triggering event to bring the magic forward, like mine did when Leander attacked me."

Suddenly, she looked afraid. "You're not going to --"

I shook my head. "Oh, no. Don't be silly. Anyway, it wouldn't work now. If Leander attacked you, you'd know it wasn't real."

"Don't be so sure, Becca," Heather looked away and bit her lip. "You know I still don't trust her."

I touched her chin and brought her back around to face me. "Well, I do, and she gave me her oath. It'll be all right, you'll see. She's not the same person who attacked me a few weeks ago."

As Heather opened the door to the hall outside, I heard her mutter, "She looks the same to me."

I sighed. 'This partnership may take some time to come together,' I thought. 'I just hope it doesn't take Leander another 500 years to gain Heather's trust.'

###

Since my many visits to Leander's home had helped me to master teleportation, I started visiting Mike and his transformed friends every night after their parents and sisters had gone to bed. Mike had let them all know I existed, but I wanted them to actually see me and talk with me. I wanted them to know I was real, so they would have something to hang onto until I could straighten out this whole mess and get their lives back. All of them broke down and cried in my arms, happy to have hope for an end to their torment. But Tina, the boy-turned-infant-girl, just stared at me with blank eyes, sucking on a pacifier, and I found myself worrying that I might not be able to bring his mind back from wherever it had gone to escape his powerlessness.

The trouble was, I didn't know exactly how to proceed. I knew a lot more about the Cat Goddess and her power than I used to, but not enough to get the boys their lives back -- not without a confrontation I wasn't sure I could win. I didn't want to rush into a magical "cat fight" (insert groans here) until I had a battle plan I felt good about, but nothing had occurred to me in the days immediately following the oath-taking ceremony.

Part of me was scared as well. Secondhand, through her "children," her magic had remade reality and disrupted the grand plan of the Omnipresence. Was I really strong enough to face her down?

While I thought (and worked on my self-confidence), I took refuge in routine -- in living my new life as a teenaged girl. I woke up every morning with a smile and got dressed in the clothes I'd always dreamed of wearing when I was Becca's age the first time. I took the bus to school with Jeremy and Heather, smiling at their happiness as I watched the two of them snuggle up for the short trip. I went to my dance and martial arts classes, and spent a few hours every afternoon training with Leander and Heather. Heather came with me, mainly to watch and make sure Leander didn't turn on me. Her power hadn't yet manifested itself, and wouldn't until there was some kind of catalyst -- one that I would have to provide, unless the Cat Goddess provided it for me.

Still, except for tasks undone, it was truly heaven.

The best part of every day was the few moments I stole with Tommy each morning. I would meet him in the stairway by the girl's locker room, and we would spend what little time we had engaging in what the Assistant Principal would have considered "public displays of affection" -- although "teenagers in love (and lust)" seemed more appropriate. I would have been embarrassed at how much we "displayed" each day, if I hadn’t already known the area was always totally deserted at that time of day.

The day the endgame began, I broke from a long and tender kiss with a sigh. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heart beating fast while I worked on getting my own pulse under control. It wasn't easy. The feeling of his hands on my bottom, squeezing gently, made me melt inside, and as I pressed my body against him, I could feel him growing harder and shivered.

If you've never been there, you can't know how it feels to be held and kissed by someone you truly, deeply love -- someone you care for who cares for you, and wants you just as much as you want them. I had felt this way with Carolyn when we first fell in love, and it had remained just as strong for our entire married life, until the chance encounter in a supermarket parking lot that stole my wife from me and set me on the road to this life, and this hallway, and this boy.

All week long, I'd started each day just like this, being held and kissed, and swimming in the feeling of being loved and desired. It was wonderful, and I didn't want it to end ... but at the same time, I wanted Tommy to go further. I wanted him to touch me in ways I hadn't been touched yet, and had run out of ways to hint that didn't make me sound like a bitch in heat.

One of his hands began wandering up to rest on my hip for a second, then started up again before hesitating just inches from my chest. I looked up at Tommy to find him looking down at me, and I smiled up at him. He smiled back, a little unsure, and I sighed. 'It's way past time,' I thought. 'And even now, he's still asking permission. God, I love this boy -- but he drives me crazy!'

I grinned, took his hand, and kissed it. Then I placed it firmly where I knew he wanted it to go. I put my hand over his and gave it -- and my left breast -- a small squeeze.

"I love it when you touch me, Tommy," I whispered, looking into his eyes. "I want you to, okay? Just ... be gentle?" He nodded, very seriously. I reached up and touched his lips. "And this is just between you and me, right? No talking about it later with your friends."

I saw a flash of hurt cross his face, as if he was disappointed that I thought he would do something like that. "I'm sorry, baby," I said quickly. "I should have known better than to think you'd do --."

He shook his head with a small smile, then squeezed me again as he brushed my lips with his. Both nipples got hard enough to be seen through both blouse and bra, and I moaned as our kisses deepened. Encouraged, he took his thumb and ran it roughly over the nipple closest to him.

"Eeeeeeep!" I jumped slightly, and he started to let go, clearly afraid he'd done something wrong. I grabbed his hand and put it back. "I said be gentle, Tomcat. A little touch goes a long way with a girl. Especially this girl. And especially your touch." I placed his thumb back over the nipple, then moved it lightly over the tip through my clothes. A small wave of pleasure made me shut my eyes and shudder, and I couldn't help thinking about what his lips might feel like right ... there one day ... or maybe the tip of his tongue ...

He kissed me hard as his other hand rose to caress my left breast. I lost myself in the feel of him feeling me ... and then I heard a snicker.

"Well, looks like somebody likes to have her tits played with!" Surprised, Tommy and I pulled apart and turned to face the owner of the voice.

It was one of the Cat Goddess's "children" -- not Gwen, but one of the other four I had only seen at "feeding time" in the pit. With a flash of hindsight, I suddenly remembered where Hunter had been caught and transformed, and realized why this one staircase was never used during the early morning rush to classes.

The girl's locker room was right around the corner. And maybe some of these girls liked their privacy a little too much -- enough to make anyone who tried to hang there "unlucky" in all sorts of nasty ways.

The girl in front of me sneered and pointed at Tommy's crotch. "Looks like Lover Boy enjoyed playing with your tits, too." I felt him tense next to me, obviously embarrassed, but he refused to try and hide it.

Another girl came up next to the first, looked where she was pointing, and laughed. "Damn, he must really have liked having his hands on a pair." Then a third girl walked up behind her and grinned evilly.

"Well, if he liked hers so much, maybe he should have a set of his own to play with," she said, and grabbed for the second girl's hand. The first girl took the other hand, and the three of them looked straight at Tommy. I saw the magical energy flare, and watched as a single golden beam shot across the space between us, directly at his chest.

I didn't think. I didn't have to. My brain shifted into overdrive, analyzed the incoming energy, determined that it couldn't be nullified in time, and spun through thousands of possible solutions before deciding on the one most likely to work in the short amount of time I had.

A flare of my own aura flew across the space between Tommy and I, creating a reflective shield just inches from where I knew the energy would strike.

I couldn't stop the spell. But I could stop it from hitting Tommy.

The spell hit my "mirror" hard, sending ripples through my connection to it. The shield held, and I "tasted" the component elements of the spell before it bounced back at the trio. The girls scattered and the spell flew back across the hall, flowing through the closed door into the girl's rest room. I felt it flare as it found a target.

There was a muffled scream. "Oh my God! I've got boobs!"

There was a short pause, then a sarcastic voice replied. "Way to rub it in, Sheila! You know, some of us haven't even started yet!"

The three girls rose slowly from where they had fallen to avoid their own spell. None of them could take their eyes off of me. I felt Tommy's eyes on me as well, but I couldn't stop to explain anything. Not that I knew what to say, but I couldn't afford to split my concentration even a little.

The first girl found her voice. "How ... how did you DO that?"

"Natural talent, a bit of training, and a strong dislike of bullies," I replied evenly. "Especially the magical kind."

The second girl took the first girl's hand, and I saw a flare of magical energy when they touched. Interesting. When she spoke, her voice held as much anger as fear. "How dare you!"

"Easily, thank you for asking." I grinned. Tommy's mouth dropped open. "I'm a very daring kind of girl. Short skirts, sassy manners. Sometimes a little too much make-up." I took his hand in mine. "Even making out with my boyfriend on school grounds. Just ask anyone -- I dare to dare."

"I wasn't asking!" The second girl reached for the third girl's hand, and there was a larger flare when they joined hands. "You have no right to interfere. We do what we want."

"Not with my boyfriend you don't." I put my hands on my hips and leaned forward. "So back off!"

The first girl's lip began to tremble, and her face was pale. "You stopped us. I don't know how, but you STOPPED us. No one has ever done that before!"

I grinned wider. "I'm glad I was the first. Imagine that ... daring AND a trendsetter." I put my hands on my cheeks, a worried frown on my lips. "Unless no one else tries to stand in your way. Oh, I do hope other people defy you, too. It would be so embarrassing if I was the only one, don't you think?"

"If you think that's embarrassing," the third girl replied with a nasty sneer, "just wait until your boyfriend has bigger tits than you do." The three concentrated, and another burst of energy shot across the hall at Tommy. This time, it manifested as a cloud of glowing particles pushed by an unseen wind. My mirror shield wouldn't work on that.

Again, my mind raced through the magical options open to me, until the simplest solution suddenly appeared without warning -- and it wasn't magical at all.

I just stepped into the spell's path, directly in front of Tommy.

The magic hit me hard, causing me to stagger back a half-step. Most of it was absorbed effectively by my own innate defensive shields and stored for later use, but there was so much of it that some threatened to spill past me and touch Tommy anyway. Since I liked his chest just the way it was, I sighed, opened myself just slightly, and took in only enough of the spell to keep the overflow from reaching him.

The result was ... dramatic.

From my smallish B-cup, I suddenly found myself extremely top-heavy. I fell forward, and stuck my arms and bottom out trying to keep my balance. Since my bra and blouse changed to accommodate my outlandish new measurements, there was no She-Hulk like rending of cloth and embarrassing display of WAY too much cleavage. Still, the girls pointed and laughed, as if they scored some kind of point.

I straightened slowly, the weight on my front making my bra straps dig in painfully. When I was fully upright, I reached up with both hands and cupped them gently. Then I shook my head.

"Girls, girls," I sighed, my voice a model of disappointment. "Didn't your mothers ever tell you that you can have too much of a good thing?"

"Well if they didn't," the first girl said, laughing, "we sure get it now. You're a living example, bitch. Or should I say 'cow?'"

"Mooooo!" The second girl burst into giggles. "Maybe 'Bessie' here needs a milking. She looks like she's going to blow. That's got to hurt!"

"Hmmmm." I nodded, then smiled. "Well, you know what they say. 'What can't be endured, must be cured.' Or shared."

I reached into the store of energy my shields had absorbed, closed my eyes, and forced my chest to shrink back down to a decent sized C-cup. The energy I had pulled from myself drifted back into a pinkish cloud, and I pushed it at the three girls with a thought. As it drifted over them, I watched all three of their chests expand several sizes. The laughter stopped almost immediately.

'Interesting,' I thought. 'They've never been attacked before. They've never learned to shield.'

I opened my eyes, looked down at myself, and smiled.

"That's better. A little larger than I was before, but a girl likes to take pride in her appearance." I turned to a stunned Tommy and gave him a peck on the lips. "Besides, I thought my Tommy deserved a special treat for all the shocks he's had in the past three minutes."

He reached up tentatively, still coping with the rapid expansion and reduction of my chest, and I gently pushed his hand away.

"Not now, Tomcat," I said softly, looking into his eyes. "I still have work to do. Why don't you head off to class and I'll clear this all up later, okay?" Tommy nodded absently, still stunned, so I stepped back, visualized his homeroom, and sent him there in less time than it takes to tell about it.

"Good," I said briskly to no one in particular. "Civilians off of the battlefield. Time to get dangerous."

The third girl stepped forward. Her larger breasts bounced uncomfortably, and her face held a mixture of anger and fear. "How did you do this to us? How can you do the things you do? Nobody can stop us -- NOBODY! Just who the hell do you think you are?"

I looked at her, and I smiled, and at that instant my inner drama queen decided a grand entrance was required. 'Fear?' I thought with an inner grin. 'I'll show you something to be afraid of, bitch.'

I threw my arms wide, fingers stretching, and laughed. A large flare of captured power burst from inside, creating a fiery aura that surrounded me and lifted me several feet into the air. My hair and skirt whipped around in an invisible wind, and I let my eyes flash bright red ... just because I wanted them to.

"I am The Advocate," I replied in a voice that boomed and echoed through the stairwell and down the halls beyond. "Chosen by the Omnipresence to stand between humanity and those who prey on them with magic. That's you, in case you missed tonight's program."

I narrowed my eyes and let the magic flare briefly. "You've tortured a lot of people, changed them against their will -- even driven one of them to the brink of insanity. That's what brought me here, to stop you all. I was going to try and keep this civil. I wanted to bring you all down as gently as I could, since you might be victims, too. But then ... oh, then you tried to hurt the boy I love. Do you know what that means?"

The three girls, still holding hands, looked up at me in shock and shook their heads in unison. I raised both arms over my head, letting a massive ball of energy boil into existence and grow until it filled the stairway above me, and shouted.

"You all get to DIE!"

As I hurled the nasty-looking fireball towards the shocked trio, I tried to suppress a grin, and failed. But I did my best to make it look like an evil grin, to keep the girls scared.

The truth was, I was just ... happy. I mean, I had figured out how to stop the Cat Goddess's "children," but that was only part of it.

The waiting was finally over. Battle had finally been joined.

And Tommy had finally made it to second base!

I almost giggled as the fireball flew towards its targets. It was good to know I had my priorities straight.

© 2005-2007 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

On her way to her final confrontation with the Cat Goddess, Becca gets "all fired up" defending Tommy, gives some enemies a little space, gets a front row seat for Heather's awakening, and learns things about magical predators she could never see on The Discovery Channel. Spells at twenty paces, anyone?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"It's always better to sacrifice your opponent's men." -- Savielly Tartakower
 
"A man surprised is half beaten." -- Thomas Fuller
 
"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost
always end up where I need to be." -- Douglas Adams
 
 

"I am The Advocate," I replied in a voice that boomed and echoed through the stairwell and down the halls beyond. "Chosen by the Omnipresence to stand between humanity and those who prey on them with magic. That's you, in case you missed tonight's program." I narrowed my eyes and let the magic flare briefly. "You've tortured a lot of people, changed them against their will -- even driven one of them to the brink of insanity. That's what brought me here, to stop you all. I was going to try and keep this civil. I wanted to bring you all down as gently as I could, since you might be victims, too. But then ... oh, then you tried to hurt the boy I love. Do you know what that means?" The three girls, still holding hands, looked up at me in shock and shook their heads in unison. I raised both arms over my head, letting a massive ball of energy boil into existence and grow until it filled the stairway above me, and shouted. "You all get to DIE!" As I hurled the nasty-looking fireball towards the shocked trio, I tried to suppress a grin, and failed. But I did my best to make it look like an evil grin, to keep the girls scared. The truth was, I was just . . . happy. I mean, I had figured out how to stop the Cat Goddess's "children," but that was only part of it. The waiting was finally over. Battle had finally been joined. And Tommy had finally made it to second base! I almost giggled as the fireball flew towards its targets. It was good to know I had my priorities straight.

The expressions on their faces were priceless -- raw fear mixed with surprise and desperation. They still held each other's hands tightly as the orb grew closer, lighting them with its unearthly glow. Just before it reached them, they screamed, let go of each other, and threw themselves out of its path. The fireball flew over them with a terrible roar, a white-hot unstoppable meteor of destruction . . .

. . . that disappeared without a sound when it hit the far wall, leaving only a harmless mist that drifted down to the floor and vanished.

You didn't think I was REALLY going to kill them, did you? What kind of girl do you think I am? I just wanted them frightened and confused -- and as far away from each other as possible.

So I could do . . . this.

I pointed at the first girl and focused my will. "Bibbity . . ." I said with a smile, and she vanished with a pop.

The second opened her mouth to say something, but I held up a palm, then snapped my fingers at her and said "Bobbety . . ." And she was gone, too.

The third started scuttling back on her bottom, trying to get out of range of my power. Her eyes were wide and her lips were trembling, but I kept projecting anger and hate as I swooped down at her and stopped, only inches from her face. I reached out with one finger and touched the tip of her nose with a smile, and shouted . . .

"Boo!" And she was somewhere else.

The hallway was empty.

God, I love the classics.

"Where did they go?"

The voice came from behind me. I turned, shocked.

Tommy was standing on the stairs, breathing hard.

For some reason, I found it hard to speak. After a while, the words finally spilled forth. "But I sent --"

"-- me back to my homeroom, yeah." His lip quirked. "But that didn't mean I had to stay there. Did you think I was going to miss this?"

I smiled and shook my head. "I had hoped."

"Damn, Becca! That was wild! Why did you send me away?"

"Because it was too dangerous for you to stay. They kept trying to spell you, and I didn't want to wind up having to go bra shopping with my boyfriend because he needed to wear one too." I bit my lip. "I also didn't want to lose my edge because I was worried about keeping you safe instead of getting them out of the way."

Tommy nodded, and took a few steps down to stand beside me. "So you're the Advocate, huh? 'Protector of humanity.' Was that on the level?"

My turn to nod. "Pretty much."

"Magic?" I nodded again. "Any superpowers?"

I shrugged. "Stronger, faster, harder to hurt, quicker to heal. Sort of like Wolverine, only prettier and without the claws ... or the sideburns."

He laughed and put his arms around me, and we kissed for a very long time. When we broke from the kiss, I looked up into his eyes to see him smiling back. "What?"

"Nice to see some things haven't changed."

I gave him a sideways look. "You're taking this pretty well."

"I'm a little mad that you kept something this big from me, but I'm not really that surprised." Tommy gave me a squeeze. "I always knew you were special. I just didn't know HOW special."

He kissed me again, and I shook my head and bit his chin softly. "Silly Tommy, running back here after I sent you to safety. BAD Tomcat."

Tommy placed his finger gently on my lips. "Witchy woman or not, you're still my girl," he said in a tone that allowed no argument. "And with me gone, it was three against one. Besides, it cuts down on the 411, right?" I nodded. "I still have a lot more questions, though . . . Advocate."

"I'll answer them, I promise."

There was a long silence, then Tommy spoke again. "What did you do with them?"

"Hmmm?"

"The girls. What did you do with them? You didn't hurt 'em -- I know you. You wouldn't do that. All that 'you all get to die' stuff?" He shook his head and laughed. "Not my girlfriend. So . . . you sent them somewhere." I nodded. "Where?"

"Away," I replied. "Into their own individual pocket universes."

He raised an eyebrow. "In English, Becs?"

I shook my head and smiled. "Something like personal prisons for each girl. There's nobody there except for them, and time flows so slowly that they haven't even realized they're caught yet."

I could see the confusion in his eyes. "I got to give you points for creativity, babe, but why go to all that trouble?"

"Because I saw how their magic worked," I said with a grin, "and how to stop it from working. In the past, no one ever had the power to fight back, so none of them had ever learned how to shield. All they had was offensive magic, with nothing for defense. And every time they tried to spell you, I noticed they had to join hands to power up. That meant none of them were strong enough magically to do anything alone. So . . ."

"So you made them alone." Tommy smiled slowly. "VERY alone. Smart, babe. I am officially impressed."

I smiled back. "I have my moments." We stole another kiss. The bell rang, signaling the start of homeroom. We both began walking back to the classroom area, holding hands.

"Soooo ... game over?" Tommy asked, giving my hand a squeeze. I gave him a look, and he shrugged. "I mean, all the other players have left the field, so I thought --"

I stopped in the hall. There were five "children" (not including the demon I had transformed earlier). I had only isolated three. Gwen and another girl were still out there, doing who knew what.

"There are two more, Tommy," I said. "I need to find them and get them contained, too, before they realize their 'sisters' are missing."

"But there's only two of them -- how much damage can they do?"

"Three of them would have had you in a 36GGG bra without breaking a sweat," I replied. "Two of them could cause a lot of pain if I don't stop 'em first." I started running back toward the locker rooms.

"Becca! Wait!" Tommy shouted. I skidded to a stop and gave him a look. "Why are you running? Can’t you just find them with magic?"

I gave myself a mental kick, and sighed. "Yes, I can. Easily, too. Why didn't I think of that?"

Tommy walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead. "Maybe you had something else on your mind?"

I grabbed him and kissed him hard. "Tommy Santino, you are a dangerous man."

"Absolutely. Especially to you, Becca. You were right. You got work to do, so I need to go." He grinned, kissed me again, and looked into my eyes. "Be careful. Be safe. And be . . . incredible."

"I'll do my best." I spun him around and swatted him across the back of his jeans. "Now get to homeroom, danger boy, and let me do my job."

"Yes, ma'am." He started running. "Good luck, Becs! Go take 'em down."

I watched his butt as he ran down the hall, until he turned the corner and was gone. 'Mmmmmmm,' I thought with a smile. 'The sooner I get to work, I sooner I get my hands on that again.'

A girl's got to have goals, after all.

###

I closed my eyes and reached out across the school, searching for Gwen. She wasn't hard to find. Her base magic level was so strong, it made her and the last of the Cat's human "children" burn like magnesium flares against the mundane backdrop of the rest of the student body. I overlaid a mental map of the building and figured out where they were, but hit a snag when I caught a glimpse of another magic user a short distance from them both.

Heather.

My initial reaction was to get between them before Gwen could do something nasty. I was halfway through the teleport process when I stopped myself. I'd met Gwen once, and although she probably didn't even remember me, one of the girls might have sent out a cry for help before I transported her. 'This could be a trap,' I thought, 'and I'd be pretty damned stupid to just "pop" in unprepared.'

Instead, I concentrated and sent my vision and hearing to the hallway where the three of them stood.

"-- a girly girl you are, Heather," Gwen gushed sweetly. She and her companion had blocked Heather's way, making it impossible for her to get by and make it to homeroom. "That's a beautiful outfit you're wearing. And your make-up is perfect!"

Heather just stood there, books clasped to her chest, waiting for Gwen to finish and let her move past. "You've done so well as a girl! I bet you absolutely love it, don't you?" Gwen waited for an answer, but Heather said nothing. Her tone grew sharp. "Don't you just love being a girl, Hunter? All pretty and soft and sweet?"

At first, I thought Heather would just shrug it off, as she had before. She was silent for a moment, and I saw Gwen's smile grow. Then Heather came back with the biggest smile I'd ever seen her wear. Gwen's grin faltered, and Heather laughed.

"As a matter of fact," she said, "I do. I love every minute of it." Gwen's mouth dropped open in shock. "What you did was the best thing that ever happened to me. You wanted me to suffer, but you gave me everything I ever wanted instead. Now I have a family, a life . . . and someone to love." She laughed again. "You screwed up big time, bitch. I'm happier than I've ever been. EVER. So if this is your best shot at humiliating me . . . well, maybe you'd better step aside and give a new wicked witch of the west a turn, 'cause you REALLY suck at it!"

I laughed in my empty hallway as Gwen was struck totally speechless. Heather walked right up to her, then right past her and down the hallway. At the end, she stopped and turned.

"Oh, and as for YOUR outfit," she said sarcastically, "PUH-LEEZE! I may have only been a girl for a couple of weeks, but I have more style now than you'll ever have. You look like you think coordinating your clothes means making sure they all come off of the same clearance rack at Wal-Mart." Heather's eyes narrowed. "You really could use a fashion consultant, dear. Maybe you could ask the lunch lady for help."

'Wow,' I thought, 'Heather really DOES have this girl thing down pat.'

Gwen's eyes bulged, and she grabbed the hand of the girl standing beside her. I watched the magic flare, and Heather seemed to see it, too, although she didn't seem frightened by it.

"Maybe I was too nice to you," Gwen growled, and her partner yelped as Gwen's hand tightened. "Maybe you'd be better off as a girl who can't say no, on your knees for every pimple-faced boy in the class! See how it feels to be the hottest slut in the eighth grade!" The magic began to build, a reddish glow that filled the hallway.

"Bring it on, Raggedy Ann," Heather crowed, dropping her books and taking on a ready stance. "Bring it on!"

With a muffled roar, Gwen threw a wave of magical energy ten foot high and twice as deep down the hall towards Heather. I reached out and sampled the spell, weighing its elements and composition while I got ready to snatch Heather out of harm's way if her own powers didn't kick in. As the spell surged forward, Heather didn't flinch. She stood like a statue, grim determination etched into her face. It looked oddly at home framed by the gentle beauty she had become in her two weeks as a girl. It made me proud to see how much she'd grown in so short a time.

Just before the wave reached her, Heather raised a hand. In response, the energy seemed to fold in upon itself, and Gwen watched in horror as the entire wall of energy collapsed into a shrinking sphere. It grew smaller and smaller until it reached the size of a softball, bounced twice, and landed softly in Heather's palm. She caught it easily, with a smile that told me her abilities had manifested and she was pleased with how she'd done.

Gwen and her friend were stunned, and Heather tossed the ball of energy up in the air a few times for effect. Then her eyes sparkled, and her smile grew.

"Hey, Gwen-doh-lynnn," she said, teasing. "Wanna see if I throw like a girl now?" Gwen's eyes grew wide an instant before Heather casually pitched the contained magic back at her with an underhand toss. "Catch!"

I felt the magic flare as Gwen panicked and sent out a hard beam of magical force to try and destroy the ball before it could reach her. 'A shield would be better,' I thought, 'but she never learned to shield either. She'll only wind up destroying the containment bubble Heather set up to trap the magic -- and set her own spell free.'

I grinned. This was going to be fun.

The beam hit the ball head on, dissolving the bubble and setting free the wall of energy Gwen had thrown at Heather earlier. It hit both girls before they could do more than open their mouths to scream. Gwen had sent way too much magic at Heather, so the amount in the wave Heather returned was more than sufficient to change both of the Cat Goddess's "children" . . . into exactly the kind of girl Gwen wanted Heather to become.

When the glow faded, Gwen and her friend looked . . . well, easy. And cheap. Think tight minis with lacy trim, tighter tube tops and bare bellies, wild hair and cheap earrings and just a bit too much make-up. Both tottered on high-heeled low-rise boots, and had virtual talons at the end of each finger painted bright red. The expressions on their faces were priceless, and Heather burst into a fit of giggles watching them check themselves out and scream when they saw what the other one looked like.

Gwen freaked when she realized she wasn't wearing any panties.

"Oh my GOD!" Her whole body went rigid. "How could you?"

"How could I what?" Heather could barely speak through her laughter. "It was your spell! Now you're both girls who can't say no. Of course panties would just get in the way!"

Gwen growled and grabbed for her sibling's hand, and I saw the magic flare again. 'Maybe they're both sluts now,' I realized, 'but still powerful. Time for me to make an entrance.'

I popped in behind Heather and put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to me and smiled, and I could see Gwen's jaw drop at my sudden appearance.

"Nice work, sis," I said, giving her a hug, "especially without any attack magic."

"Use your opponent's strengths against her," she replied happily. "You taught me that when you told me how you handled Leander's first confrontation."

I smiled. "Nice to see you were listening. Hang on a sec." I stepped around her and faced the two newest additions to the school's lowest rung. "Excuse me, Gwen?"

She heard me call her by name, and her confusion made the magical energies she had begun to summon subside slightly. "Do I know you?" she asked.

"Not really. We met in the hospital, while you were tormenting your older brother Mike. Remember? He was the one in diapers." Gwen's eyes narrowed. "I'm the Advocate, designated protector of those transformed and tortured by people like you. I'm here to kick your scantily-clad butt into next year. But frankly, right now I'm the least of your problems."

"What do you mean?" The other girl spoke, and Gwen turned to her with a scowl.

"Quiet, Libby!" she growled. Libby took a step back but didn't break the hand link.

I smiled. "In a little over a minute, two geeks from the AV/tech squad are going to come around that corner with hall passes and very active fantasy lives. About a minute after that, you're all going to be in the empty computer lab at the end of the hall, and you'll be showing them exactly what it feels like to do all the nasty things they find on the 'Net when they disable the school's filter software." I grinned. "And thanks to your own spell, you'll be loving every minute of it -- enough to want to do it over and over again."

The two girls recoiled in horror, and I nearly laughed, turning the knife. "Heck, I bet those boys will cut classes for the first time in their lives just to spend the rest of the day with you. Maybe the weekend, too?"

I reached out with all of my senses as I spoke the next words. "You have two choices. You could decide to embrace your inner slut and welcome them when they get here, or you could go back to being the 'bitch kitties' you were before your little . . . accident. It's your spell, right? Otherwise, with those two to keep you busy, you won't have a chance to go back, not for hours . . . or even days. And thanks to the spell, you wouldn't want to, even if you could. After all, if I were either of those boys and you fell into my lap, I wouldn't let you out of my sight -- ever. Would you?"

Gwen and Libby looked at each other, joined both hands, and concentrated. As the magic flared, I recorded everything, analyzed the energies and the spells involved, and watched them revert to how they were moments before, just as the boys rounded the corner. They walked past the two girls without a second look and went into the lab.

The girls stepped away from each other, looking down to see if they were completely back to normal.

'That's my cue,' I thought happily. I focused, snapped my fingers, and watched Libby disappear. Gwen looked up and saw her vanish, then turned to me just in time for me to send her away as well.

I looked at the empty hallway, then looked back at Heather, and grinned.

"Damn, I'm good!" I said, and held up my hand. Heather grinned back and slapped it hard, and then I just lost it and squealed like a little girl.

My first real battle as the Advocate, and I smoked 'em all! I had captured every Goddess kitten ... well, the human ones, at least ... and emerged completely unscathed.

"Becca?" Heather was looking at me a little oddly. "Are you ... bigger up top?"

'Well, almost unscathed,' I amended in my head. 'Good thing I like me this way.'

'I'm betting Tommy will, too.'

###

I brought Heather up to speed on the morning, and her eyes lit up at the capture of all of her tormentors.

We sat under a tree near the cafeteria. I had spelled all of our teachers so they would mark us as present and not call upon either of us until we were actually in class. It was a variant of the Arbiter's avoidance spell, so I knew it would work well. I had also cast the avoidance spell on Heather and I, so we would not be noticed sitting out here when we should be in class.

"And the best part of it all," I said, "is that your little trick with the spell 'ball' and Gwen's response to it gave me the key to restoring the boys."

"OhmyGod!" she squealed, bouncing up and down. "How?"

I laughed out loud and put my hands on her shoulders. "Calm down, girl, and I'll tell you." She immediately tried to sit perfectly still, hands folded in her lap, but her eyes were wide and I could see her whole body trembling with excitement. I shook my head and smiled.

"When Gwen threw that spell at you, I analyzed it 'on the fly.' One of the things I can do as the Advocate is take a spell apart and figure out how it works, so I can counter it."

"So now you know how to change reality?"

"Sort of," I admitted, "in a limited way. I can change a person into someone else and make his or her new existence part of the new reality. It's not something I plan to make a habit of, but still good to know if I ever need it."

"Why not use it?"

I shook my head. "The Omnipresence has a plan, and it doesn't need help from me messing around with reality. So, emergency use only." Heather nodded.

"Anyway," I continued, "it was when Gwen and Libby changed themselves back that I was able to untangle the reversal spell."

"All right! Becca, you ROCK!" Heather shouted, and started scrambling to her feet. "Let's go rescue Mike and his friends!"

I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down. "We can't do it now, hon." She looked at me, confused. I sighed. "It's the middle of the day. The 'girls' are surrounded by people who think the only magic in the world happens on stage or at a kid's birthday party. I'm not sure the reversal will work if it's witnessed by the non-magical -- they believe too strongly in the reality that is, and that belief has power of its own. Tonight, we'll 'port into each of their rooms and change them back while the rest of the world is sleeping."

"As for the rest of the day --"

My comment was cut short by a low rumbling that seemed to come from everywhere. The ground shook, and the sunlight was washed out by a brighter white glow that flared all around us. There were screams from inside the school, and then we heard a voice so loud it seemed to bounce and echo from every flat surface for miles around.

"Where ... ARE ... MY ... CHILDREN??"

"Ah," I said, as Heather's mouth dropped open. "That would be the rest of the day's agenda." I dropped the avoidance spell. People would have other things to worry about now.

"The Cat Goddess? She's HERE?" Heather jumped to her feet and started looking around. I rose slowly, and dusted off the back of my skirt. "Where?"

A familiar voice spoke from behind us. "I would not worry about finding her, Heather. She will find us soon enough."

I turned to find Leander standing ready, her eyes trained on the school. She was wearing what appeared to be some sort of battle suit. Her curves were wrapped in soft black glove leather from neck to ankle and she wore calf-high black leather boots with two-inch heels. There was a group of small throwing daggers on a belt at her hips, and a long sword strapped to the center of her back with the hilt protruding over her left shoulder. Her hair was held in a thick braid that fell down across her right breast.

I smiled. "Hi, Leander. Nice of you to join us." She bowed her head briefly, her eyes never leaving the school. "Bold fashion choice. Dominatrix meets World of Warcraft."

Her lip twitched. "Thank you, milady. It is enchanted armor. It adds to my shielding -- makes it harder for enemies to use aggressive magic." The twitch turned into a smile. "But I've also heard it said a girl can never go wrong with basic black."

"Oh? Try wearing it to a wedding and see how many people complain." I grinned. "What brings you out here?"

"You mean other than a major magical event?" Leander snorted and shook her head. Her blonde hair gleamed in the unearthly glow that still radiated around us. "Every sensitive within a thousand miles of here must have felt the earth shake and turned their heads to face the light. Since I knew this was your school, I thought you might need my help."

The voice thundered again. "Where ... ARE ... MY ... CHILDREN??"

"Ah." Leander smiled in understanding. "That would be araNyamArjAra?"

"Yes, but her friends all call her 'kitty.'" Heather stifled a giggle, and Leander sighed.

"I take it you have her children?"

I sighed. "Guilty as charged." I went on to explain about how I disarmed them all, and how I managed to figure out how to cure the harm they caused. Leander nodded.

"Which only leaves the one task left undone," she said.

"Bring them to me, or DIE!" The Cat Goddess shrieked, her tone a mixture of anger and fear.

"I guess I'd best be about it, then," I replied with a wink. I turned to Heather. "When I bring her to me, I'm going to need you to shield the entire school building. There are innocents in there. They must be protected."

Heather nodded. "I'll take care of it."

I smiled. "I know you will." Heather hugged me hard, then turned and ran back towards the school. I turned to Leander.

"I'm not sure exactly how this will go," I said, holding her eyes with mine. "But I know this isn't going to be as simple as her 'children' were, and all those pain demons she has on the payroll could make things . . . interesting. I'll be counting on you to keep them busy."

Still staring into my eyes, Leander nodded and drew her sword. It hummed as the magic in it met the ambient magic in the air. She held it aloft and smiled.

"I have been absent from the battlefield for a long time, Becca. But I will keep you safe, now and always."

She lowered the sword, put her hand on my shoulder, and took her place beside me.

"So, milady" said Leander, "if it pleases, let us end this. Now."

I teleported us both to the athletic fields, to put some distance between the potential battleground and the school. Heather's powers had only just awakened, and to expect her to protect the school and everyone in it from a full-scale assault so soon wouldn't be fair, or prudent. The best I could hope for was to keep the students and the building safe from stray shots, to avoid what the military calls "collateral damage."

We materialized on the side of the field usually reserved for the Home team. I didn't have a lot of school spirit, but I figured a lot of students had cheered on a lot of players to their share of victories here. If so much of magic came from sheer force of will, I reasoned, perhaps the "home field" advantage might give us a bit of a psychic edge. I raised the volume on my voice to match the Cat Goddess and echoed my words psychically, to reach out both physically and magically.

"araNyamArjAra!" I called, a challenge in my tone. "I have the ones you seek! They are my prisoners. No harm has come to them. Come, join me. We need to talk."

In less than a second, the other side of the field was full of a giant angry Cat Woman and a dozen happy pain eaters. The demons floated above the Cat Goddess, in a variety of forms. Some were unbearably beautiful, while others were hideous beyond description. But now that I knew them for what they were, I could see past the physical form to feel the core of every one of them, radiating a predator's self-satisfied knowledge that everything else was prey.

The Cat stood with every muscle tensed, her eyes bright with repressed anger, teeth bared and hackles up. Even with her teats swollen with milk, she looked fierce. 'Which is no surprise,' I reflected, 'seeing as how I've gone and stolen her children.'

"Where are my young!" she thundered. "How dare you take them from me!"

I raised one hand, palm out. "Hold, goddess," I said calmly, my volume still matching hers. "I took your children because they attacked several people under my protection, and have hurt other humans with the magic you have given them."

"What of it?" Her tail jerked back and forth, driven by anger and frustration. "Humans are everyone's prey, and my children need to learn to distance themselves from their heritage and become strong if they are to become as I am."

I let my magic flare and rose several feet from the ground. Leander remained below, sword at the ready. Her eyes never left the pain eaters, which pleased me, since that meant she trusted me to deal with the Cat alone. I wished I trusted me that much.

"Times have changed, araNyamArjAra." I smiled slowly. "Humans are no longer simply prey."

"Oh?" She grinned scornfully. "And why is that?"

"Because we stand between the predators and my people," I replied, "and we will not be moved."

The Cat looked down at my companion. "The one below I remember. Leander, is it not?" Leander nodded without taking her eyes off of the pain demons. The Cat sniffed. "A wizard and warlord, if I recall. I stripped him of his magic and turned him into a farmer's wife." She grinned. "Not much of a champion, girl. Not quite the hero, even when he was still a man."

"You did have to take me while I slept, Cat," Leander growled. "Remember that when you remember the rest." Her eyes flashed, and a bolt of lightning flew down and struck the metal goalpost. It vibrated like a tuning fork, and the tone made the pain demons reach up and cover their ears. The Cat looked at me in surprise.

"She has more of the hero in her than you might think." I grinned. "People change, and often for the better. Especially after 500 years."

"Well, she may have her magic back, but she's five centuries out of practice." The Goddess dismissed Leander with a shake of her head and turned her eyes to me. "And who are you, girl, that you think yourself so powerful you can steal my young and dictate terms?"

I looked back at her. "I am the Advocate, chosen by the Omnipresence to be humanity's protector. I am here to restore the balance and fight those who would harm my people through magic."

She stared at me for a moment, then laughed. The pain eaters joined in, and I had the sense I'd become the punch line of a joke only magical predators "get." I continued to float there as they laughed, and waited for it to end before continuing.

"Laugh if you wish," I said, my voice a model of calm indifference, "but I did take the girls from you, and with an ease that even the most powerful demigod should find disturbing."

"They are still growing, girl, with much to learn," the Cat purred, her eyes little more than emerald slits. "And they still need to leave their humanity behind. It makes them weak -- although they are learning."

"Whether being human makes them weak or not, they are still gone -- and taken by my hand. And for all your power, you cannot find them. So what does that make you?" I smiled.

"Angry," she hissed, her hackles rising.

"And frightened," I added in a helpful tone. She looked away, clearly upset at being read so easily. "Both emotions you share with humans." She said nothing. After a short time, I tried again. "By your own experience, you know not all humans are weak. Gilgamesh once fought you to a standstill."

She glared at me, and her tail jerked back and forth. "You know more about me than I would like."

I grinned. "I read a lot."

She waved a paw, and shrugged. "No matter. Gilgamesh was different. He had the blood of a god in his veins, and enough strength to earn my respect. You are merely --"

The Cat paused, and her expression changed. "You are not what you seem, girl. More than human, somehow." She seemed to sniff the air, and tasted it with her tongue. "And familiar ..."

"She is my daughter, goddess." Akomachi appeared in the air beside me, and I felt a wave of love flow through my soul. She smiled a predator's smile as she turned her attention to the Cat. "Not long ago, we two became one ... for a time. In the sharing, she became as much kitsune as she is human. Afterwards, she honored me with acceptance as her mother, so at least part of my dream is realized. I am no longer alone."

"I give you joy of your new kit," the Cat Goddess said with a smile, "although I would wish you had kept her on a tighter leash, so to speak. She has taken my children, and if she is now truly kitsune, it is an attack from one pantheon upon another. Justice must be served."

"She is also human," the fox spirit replied, "and it is in her role as the human's Advocate that she has taken your young. As a newborn changeling, her actions are not binding on the servants of Inari. And as a human mage, she is answerable to no one but herself. Her mission is her own, and I will not interfere in any way."

The Cat's ears went up, and she cocked her head. "You would let her die?"

"I cannot fight alongside her without causing a war, and I will not stop her because it would be wrong." Akomachi sighed. "She swore an oath as a human to fight for her people. Would I have her forswear herself? My own daughter? I would not see her come to harm for anything, but I will not hurt her myself by making her break her word. As if I could."

"If you won't help her, and you won't stop her, then why are you here?" The Cat's eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Because she is my child," Akomachi said softly. "And because I promised Becca-chan I would stand beside her. Kitsune keep their promises, too."

The Cat seemed to slump, and shook her head. "Then I am sorry, my friend, that you must stand here and watch her die." I felt the Cat reach out and gently touch the fox spirit's soul, but the vixen's pride and joy pushed away the regret the Cat offered.

"No need for sorrow, goddess." She smiled her predator's grin once again. "The battle has not even begun. And you have not yet seen my daughter fight."

"She may not have to, Casa," I said with a smile. "I only wish to talk. This does not have to become violent."

"You have taken my children," the Cat turned to me with a snarl. "How could this not become violent?"

"No harm has come to them." I looked into her eyes and let her see the truth of it. "Unlike you, I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want you to leave my people alone."

"I have done nothing to humans," the Cat protested.

"You encouraged your young to torture them, to lessen humanity's hold upon them. Do you deny it?"

"Of course not. It was an excellent way to make my children stronger, and feed the pain demons with fresh suffering." The goddess looked sad. "They did not want to, at first. They pushed back so hard, I had to spell them to make them do it. They all had strong connections to their former families, and too much love for others. I really wanted them to learn for themselves, but sometimes little ones need a little push on the road to being gods."

"Then they are victims, too," I said, my own anger coming to the surface. "You made them hurt people they cared for." A thought popped into my head. "Did you even ask them if they wanted to be your children?"

She snorted and shook her head. "Hardly. Why would they possibly say no? I raised them from mere prey to virtual godhood."

"Without their knowledge or consent." My voice was very quiet. As long as I could keep her talking, maybe I could keep this from descending into violence -- even though I was mad enough to want a fight.

"If a lion had the power and the will, would it ask a gazelle for permission to turn it into a lion?" She stretched herself, claws digging into the green grass and ripping small furrows in the well-tended ground. "Besides, they came to me. They worshipped me. If I choose to make them my children instead of my supplicants, it is my right -- and an honor for them all."

'So that's how she found them,' I thought as my anger grew. 'They found her somehow.'

"They are humans!" I snapped. "They have the right to make choices for themselves."

"They gave up that right when they chose to worship me!" The Cat smiled, and her eyes became very bright. "They are mine to do with what I will!"

"No! They are individuals!" My magic flared around me, reflecting my rage. "They have the right to choose their own course. If people choose to worship you, you're supposed to accept their worship, protect them, and sometimes provide for their needs if their faith is strong enough. Every pantheon accepts that basic premise. But you decided to take choice away from your worshippers, by stealing them from their human families and turning them into miniature versions of yourself."

She sniffed and turned her head. "I am a goddess, girl. You don't have the power to stop me. I can do what I wish!"

"No. You. Can't." I flew closer to her, until I was only a few feet from her face. "Humans are protected now. That's my job. And the job description includes protecting your 'daughters' . . . from you."

She bared her teeth in a snarl, and her back arched slightly. "You would keep my children from me?"

I stared into her eyes and spoke in a calm deliberate tone. "Yes. They are only yours because you stole them from their own families. You didn't even ask if they wanted to be changed. What kind of love is that?"

"Do you think I care about your opinion of me, human? Of anything?" Anger and disgust radiated from her, and she shook her head slowly. "The only reason you are still alive is that you hold my children where I cannot find them. You demand my respect while you hide behind hostages. All that will get you is my contempt."

My mind spun as I contemplated my position. Thousands of possible actions and outcomes were weighed and discarded, and all at once I knew that reasoning with her would never work. Power was all she understood, and she thought I had none.

'Would I have to kill her?' I thought, not wanting to acknowledge the possibility that I might. 'I could, but she doesn't know what I'm capable of. And if she truly is the last of her kind, do I want to be responsible for their extinction? She's not evil, just . . . wrong.'

Suddenly, in my head, I heard Leander's voice. I could see her looking at me out of the corner of her eye, with most of her attention still focused on the pain demons.

'Advocate, attend,' she said silently, and I gave her an imperceptible nod. 'The Cat is a powerful predator. So was I, once long, long ago. To a predator, respect is something that can never be given. It has to be earned, or it means nothing.'

'Like Gilgamesh,' I responded.

Leander nodded back. 'Yes. He earned her respect. Now it is your turn. Fight her. Show her what she truly faces from humanity's protector.' I saw her frown as she thought the next words. 'Earn her respect, my Lady. Make her fear you -- or you will have to kill her.'

I looked into the Cat's face, my own deceptively calm. In order for this to work, I had to push it carefully to the next level. "I do not hide behind anyone," I said softly. "Your children are my prisoners because of what they did, and what they tried to do. Still, I will bring them here, so you can see that they are safe." I flew backwards, giving myself some distance from the goddess, and closed my eyes long enough to pull them all back.

Within seconds, the five girls were floating in the air behind me, still trapped in bubbles of slow-time. The Cat flew from figure to figure, whispering softly in a language I did not understand. I could feel her anger rising again as the figures remained silent. Her power rose around her and flowed out to encompass the girls, but when it ebbed away, they remained frozen.

"They may be here, but still beyond my reach!" She spun in mid-air and growled at me. "What have you done?"

"Nothing," I replied. "They remain suspended in time, as they were. You don't know how I did it, so it is not your spell to undo. They are still mine until our issues are resolved." I swooped around behind them before coming back to float before her. "I told you I had done nothing to harm them, and I haven't. They live. I could have incinerated them where they stood instead of just capturing them, but I didn't."

"Give them back to me!" I could feel the Cat's frustration. Her children were so close, and yet still beyond her reach. I felt her pain, but I had to push her, just a little more. I forced my voice to become cold.

"Take them . . . if you can." She turned back to the girls, then back to me, and roared at the sky in frustration as her whole body shook. When the sound died away, I met her eyes and nodded.

"You think humans are nothing but prey," I said softly. "You believe we are powerless. But I hold the girls beyond your reach, and you cannot free them. What does that say about how powerful I am?" I moved in closer. This was the moment of truth. "If you want them free, prove to me that I am as weak as you say. Just you and I, one on one, in a test of power. Show me how small and insignificant I really am."

The Cat thought for a moment, and her eyes became bright again.

"Unacceptable," she snarled with a shake of her head. "I do want to kill you, girl. Make no mistake. But if you die, you cannot release them, and they will never be free."

"So don't kill me." I spread my arms wide, palms open. "This doesn't have to be a fight to the death. I don’t want to hurt anyone, even you." My anger at the thought of those poor boys trapped in daycare fought to rise to the surface, but I pushed it aside for now. 'Think about the boys later,' I rationalized. 'If there is a later.'

"If I win, you treat me and all humans as equals and respect my wishes," I continued. "Defeat me, and I release the girls." The goddess looked doubtful. "I swear to you I will release them all if you should win. Akomachi knows my word is good."

araNyamArjAra looked at the fox spirit, and the vixen nodded. "Both as a kitsune and as the human Advocate, she can be trusted."

The goddess paused, clearly torn by something. Her gaze shifted from me to the girls, and I found myself wondering why she hesitated.

'Because dueling with you would grant you a legitimacy she does not believe you deserve,' Leander's voice echoed in my head. 'To her, humans have always been prey or worshippers, not equals. Even considering you as anything else gives you a status humans have never had in her thoughts before.'

'That makes sense,' I replied, surprised I hadn't picked up on it myself. 'How do you know all this?'

'Because I recently had to look at everything I ever believed with fresh eyes,' she replied, 'and you'd be amazed how difficult it is to admit to yourself that you may have been wrong for a very long time.'

I suddenly felt so close to her that my eyes blurred with tears, and I sent a burst of love her way. It took her totally by surprise, and I felt her own tears rise in return. She reached out and gave my soul a tentative touch before returning all of her attention to the pain demons.

I gave the Cat all the time she needed, and eventually, she sighed and shook her head.

"A duel it is, then." She looked as unhappy with her choice as she did with me. Her eyes caught mine, and in their depths I could see a confidence that was both absolute and totally alien. "Do you require time to prepare?"

I was about to say no when I heard a siren blare from the school's parking lot. I turned and saw three black vans roll in, accompanied by way too many blue and white police cars and a single gray sedan that couldn't be anything else but an unmarked unit. The doors on the back of each van flew open, and officers in battle armor carrying wicked looking rifles started jumping to the ground. They began to fan out, establishing some kind of perimeter.

'Terrific,' I grumbled telepathically. 'The circus is in town, and they think they're the cavalry.'

'And since they cannot fight a magical attack,' Leander replied, 'they are more useless to us than clowns.'

'More useless?' I asked, giving her a look. She looked back, her face deadly serious.

'At least clowns could make us laugh.' Then she grinned.

'Just my luck,' I groaned, 'everybody's a comic.'

"Girl?" araNyamArjAra sounded slightly peeved. "I asked you a question. Do you require time to prepare?"

I scanned the parking lot again, and finally saw a familiar face emerging from the unmarked unit.

"Yes, I do," I said, and teleported to a spot directly above the windshield of Detective Stabenow's car. When I materialized, I instantly created a selective veil, so only she could see me.

"Dom!" She looked up at the sound of my voice, and was stunned to find me hovering in mid-air a few feet above her. "We need to talk."

"Becca? What are you doing here?" The detective stared for a moment. "You look well . . . except for the flying part." Then she realized what she was saying and shivered, as if fighting off a chill. "You're . . . you're flying."

"Floating, actually," I replied with a sigh. "That's part of what we need to talk about. Please get back in the car?"

She shook her head slowly and dropped back into the driver's seat. I 'ported into the passenger seat next to her.

"Shit!" She was so startled, she honked the horn when she jumped.

"I'm sorry, Dom, really," I paused to throw a quick spell around the car, then reached out and touched her arm. She jumped again, and I sighed. "I know this is real 'Twilight Zone' stuff, but I needed to show you that things are not how they appear. Something seriously weird is happening here, and your officers are not equipped to deal with it."

"That's why . . . the floating?" I could see her coming back to herself a little.

"If I just popped in beside you, you could have looked for a rational explanation -- maybe insist that I just snuck in somehow." She nodded. I went on. "You'd never believe what I'm about to tell you unless you saw me doing something clearly impossible first."

Dom grinned at me. "You got that right, rookie. In fact, this would all make a lot more sense if I was the one who had the head injury instead of you." I grinned back and watched her put both hands on the wheel and grip it tightly. "Okay, Becca. Lay it on me. And don't pull any punches. I'm a big girl, I can take it."

I turned and looked her straight in the eye. "On the other side of the school, out on the football field, I am about to engage in a duel by magic with an ancient cat goddess, in order to prove to her that humans are more than lunch and deserve some respect. At the same time, a woman dressed in enchanted black leather armor with a HUGE sword is going to be keeping about a dozen demons from making trouble during the fight, and another girl is going to be magically shielding the entire school building to prevent collateral damage."

Dom thought about this for a minute, and then shook her head and turned to stare out the windshield. "This is crazy."

"Absolutely."

"But true."

"Yes." I created a small ball of green fire, tossed it up a few times, then blew it out. "See?"

She gave me a sideways look. "Magical duel?"

"Yes."

"Cat goddess?"

"Mmhmm."

"And . . . demons?"

"More than a few."

I could almost feel the wheels turning in her head, and she turned to face me once more.

"Why?" Her tone was surprisingly sharp, to match the frown on her face.

I sighed. "Because it's my job. There are lives in the balance -- a bunch of virtual hostages, taken or twisted by magic. In order to free them, I have to prove I'm as powerful as the goddess -- that humans are worthy of respect."

"No, I mean why you?" Her volume went up a notch. "This is your job how, exactly? Even granted I believe into any of this . . . for God's sake, Becca, you're only thirteen years old! How did giving a goddess a spanking get on your 'To Do' list?"

"It's a long story," I replied, keeping my own voice level. "Remember our conversation in the hospital? When I said, 'maybe you don't "become" a cop. Maybe it's who you already are inside, and you just ... grow into it?'" The detective nodded, still frowning. "Well, someone decided I'd grown enough, offered me a badge and the power to back it up, and sent me out to clean up Dodge."

Detective Stabenow frowned deeper, shook her head, and flipped down the passenger side shade. She snapped open the vanity mirror.

"You don't look much like Marshall Dillon, missy," she growled, and I found myself staring back at my way-too-young face, a look of surprise making me look even younger. "You're just a kid, and gunfights at high noon are restricted to folks with permits these days."

'My God,' I thought, 'is that me? I've spent so much time acting as the Advocate I've forgotten how much of a child I am now -- or at least how they see me.'

I closed the mirror with a snap, and pushed the shade back up.

"It doesn't matter what I look like," I said, my voice coming out in a teenager's petulant whine. I shook my head and continued in a more reasonable tone. "Or how old I am. I can DO this. I HAVE to."

"You're way too young for this kind of responsibility!" I could tell Dom was seriously angry, and it was starting to make me angry in return.

My voice shook as I replied. "I may look young, but somebody I trust said I was the right person for this job. They offered me the chance to do some good. And I can't just say 'I'm sorry, but I can't fight you, oh mighty cat goddess. I'm only thirteen!' Damn it, Dom, I have to face her down and save those kids. It's my job!"

"Says WHO?" I folded my arms and faced front. Dom grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. "It's not right, Becca. Who put you on the front lines like this? Who took the rest of your childhood away? Who told you it was your job to step up and save the day? Who, Becca? Who?"

"GOD!" I shouted at her, my face red. She let go of my arm, and her jaw dropped. I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands. "Everyone I meet on this job calls him or her the Omnipresence, but it was God, okay? The Creator of All Things told them to offer the position to me. They said God told them I could handle the power -- that I was the right person to protect and serve, to make a difference. It was my choice. I could have said no." I turned and looked at her again. "But you tell me, Dom. How am I supposed to live with myself, knowing I could have made a difference . . . and passed? How am I supposed to say no to God?"

For a minute or two, not a word was said. Neither of us looked at the other. Finally, she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Becca. I'm just . . . worried, that's all. You're so young, and . . . first the head injury . . . then the magic, and now this . . . " She shook her head. "I like you, hon. I guess my need to 'protect and serve' made me want to protect you, too." The detective shrugged, still avoiding my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You said that already." I touched her arm, and Dom turned to face me. "It's okay to be scared for me. Heck, I'M scared for me. I'm really new at this whole thing, but it's not the kind of job you quit. There are people depending on me, lives are at stake, blah blah blah." I grinned. "You know the drill."

She nodded. There was another silence, less awkward than the last. "So . . . why the visit?"

"To warn you." I motioned at the window. "You've got a small army here, itching to fight terrorists. But there are no terrorists. Just demons and an angry goddess. These creatures are so powerful, they could turn every officer in this parking lot into a Vegas showgirl. Or a stalk of celery. With just a thought. You can't stop them. You can't even slow them down."

"But you can?"

My turn to shrug. "It's what I do. And I'm pretty good at it."

Dom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So, what can we do to help?"

"Set up a perimeter here, and keep everybody out of the line of fire."

The detective nodded. "Okay. How long will this take?"

I shrugged. "No way to tell, really. Could be an instant, could be an hour. Time is odd when you're hip deep in magic."

"I'm a little surprised your goddess is willing to wait this long. We must have been here for at least ten minutes."

"Oh, hardly any time has passed at all," I said with a smile. "We've been in a bubble of accelerated time since we got into the car. Barely a second has passed out there."

Dom turned to watch a SWAT trooper seemingly stopped in mid-air on his way from the van to the ground.

"Huh," she said softly, "how about that."

I opened the door and stepped out of the car, then released the spell bubble with a wave. The trooper hit the ground running, and the next one jumped out behind him. The detective got out on her side and slammed the door.

"This has possibilities," she said softly, and smiled. I half-smiled back.

"Yeah, maybe I could be a junior crimestopper, have a little plastic badge or something." I walked around the front of the car. "I don't mind helping you out with the local criminal types now and then. But first, the duel thing, 'kay?"

Dom nodded, and came around to meet me. Before I could stop, she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and I found myself hugging her back.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, rookie," she whispered in my ear. "I'm still afraid for you, but I know now I'm out of my league. I have no right to stop you."

"Good," I whispered back, "because I don't think you could. Magic and all, remember? I could stop time and kick your butt all the way into next week." I felt her laugh, and then she drew back and gave me a questioning look.

"Hey! Does this job of yours have a title? Do I have to salute you or something?"

"I'm called the Advocate," I replied with a grin, "and I don't think we're in the same chain of command."

Dom gave me one last look and kissed me on the forehead. "Then go fight the big kitty, girl. Show her who’s boss, and come home safe. We’ll keep the bystanders innocent until you’re done."

"Thanks, Dom. You're the best." I gave her one last squeeze, threw an attention avoidance spell around us to make sure no one was watching, and 'ported back to the athletic field.

I had a duel to win.

© 2005-2007 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
To Be Continued...

The Advocate faces her toughest challenge as she enters her duel with araNyamArjAra -- to prove that humans are more than prey. The lives of those she swore to protect and the very future of her mission depend on her. Can a thirteen-year-old sorceress win a test of power against an immortal goddess?

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"DUEL, n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies.
Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed
the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue."
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
 
"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. I consider them unwise and I know they are
dangerous. Also, sinful. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly
and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet retired spot and kill him."
-- Mark Twain

 
 
The trouble with pretending to be brave is that sooner or later, you're going to have to back it up.

I was about two minutes away from dueling a goddess on a middle-school football field, and damned if I didn’t start wondering if this was such a good idea, after all. I had plenty of power, that wasn't the issue. I was pretty damned smart, too, when I stopped trying to claim that I wasn't. Still, there was something to be said for my actually being stupid -- only a fool would try to take on a being so old, her beginnings are beyond the earliest recollections of humankind.

But here I was, readying for battle. And the worst of it was, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. This was my first real magical duel (not counting my initial skirmish with Leander), and if I wasn't careful or lucky, it could easily be my last. Of course the Cat Goddess did promise not to try and kill me, but accidents happen, right?

I flickered back into existence floating over the football field. No one had moved an inch while I was gone.

"Thank you for the time to prepare," I said pleasantly. "There will be no interruptions from human law enforcement."

The Cat sniffed. "As if they could stop me from doing whatever I wish."

I smiled. "Of course not. That's my job." She sniffed and shook her head.

Akomachi looked at me with a disapproving eye, and her voice spoke in my head. 'Respect, Becca-chan. If you wish her to respect you, you need to show her you are worthy of respect. Start by showing her the respect an elder deserves, since she has been here long before your history was little more than tales told around a fire.'

I looked down, accepting the rebuke. Akomachi smiled. 'Diplomacy, Advocate. Remember, when you do win, you want her to acknowledge you as an equal, not be angry because an insolent child has pushed her way in where she doesn't truly belong.' I nodded.

"My apologies, araNyamArjAra," I said softly. "Although we are on opposing sides, it is inappropriate for me to speak to you in such a manner. Please forgive me."

The goddess looked at me, curiosity warring with surprise in her eyes. "Forgiven, girl. Your words do you and your mother credit."

There was a long silence, and then Akomachi spoke to us both. "What exactly are the rules of this duel? How do you both intend to determine a winner?"

That stopped me for a moment. "I would think," I said slowly, giving the goddess time to speak first, "that it is more a question of who loses as opposed to who wins. Since we are both very much involved in this battle, we will both judge its outcome. When one of us acknowledges the other as the winner, the duel is over. Does that sound acceptable to you, araNyamArjAra?"

"Yes." She drifted slightly, still looking at me oddly, as if seeing me for the first time. "The defeated must accept defeat, or this exercise means nothing."

"And it is just you and I, will against will, power against power," I continued, still allowing her time to interrupt. "If either of us can affect the other in such a way as to force her to acknowledge her loss, the duel will end."

"Agreed."

"With no action or interference from allies on either side."

The Cat stretched herself and nodded, an odd glint in her eyes. "Agreed." She turned her head and addressed Leander and the demons. "You will all keep your places until this contest is concluded." There was a growling from the assembled demons, and a few of them shuffled angrily in the ranks. Leander just nodded.

There was a long silence, and Akomachi nodded. "Very well, then. The rules are set and the lines are drawn. You may begin."

I recognized the ritual sentence just barely in time and darted upward, rocketing fifty feet above my former position as a bolt of energy sliced through the place where I had been. Scarcely pausing, I threw a spell of my own before teleporting behind the goddess and casting again.

She countered my first attack with another targeted beam of magic while she stepped aside to let the second spell pass. I threw another spell and again teleported, this time to appear directly above her. As she countered my last spell, I cast again and ported once more, appearing to her right with another spell at the ready.

Cast, port, cast, port. Time and again, over and over. But she managed to counter every spell no matter how fast I was.

Then I noticed a young boy cutting across the field. He stopped, stunned at the sight of the two of us throwing magic at each other while a bunch of demons and a woman in black leather watched. I could feel the Cat Goddess's attention shift to him, and in that instant I realized she was about to use him against me.

Before I could think about it too much, I materialized between her and the boy, screaming "RUN!" at the top of my lungs. As the boy headed for points unknown, I turned to find her staring straight at me, a satisfied smile on her face. Then I felt her cast.

My shields snapped into place an instant before a tidal wave of energy hit me from every possible direction.

All at once, everything went white, and cold, and LOUD, and it was all I could do to keep myself protected. I was surrounded by her raw power, pinned in place. I could barely move, let alone think, as I struggled to keep her from changing my reality.

I was clearly on the defensive -- I couldn't even counterspell, the magic was so strong. Already I was beginning to feel weakened, fighting with everything I had as her onslaught continued. As a mage, I was strong and had tremendous reserves, but she was literally a goddess and seemed to have an almost limitless supply of energy.

'I can't fight her forever,' I thought, my frustration bordering on anger. 'It's like trying to build a dam in the middle of a flash flood. I'm struggling so hard to withstand her attack I can't even make a strike of my own.'

I cast my mind through the archives in my head -- strategic, tactical, and magical -- trying desperately to find a way to overcome her attack. Without as much concentration to hold it back, her attack began to press my shields in tighter around me, and I could feel them start to falter.

'Power,' I screamed in my head, 'I need more power!'

As panic began to set in, I heard a voice echoing in my head. "The oak breaks, but the willow bends."

It was my Sensei, my Tae-Kwon-Do teacher. I scrambled to remember when he said that. Then it came back to me in a rush.

###

"Owww!"

Tommy Madigan lay on the floor in front of me, rubbing his shoulder. He had been taunting me about how I shouldn't be here, about how girls shouldn't learn to fight. He made me angry, and I used too much force in blocking his strike. Not expecting that response, Tommy was caught off balance and fell heavily to the ground.

Everything stopped. All of the other students turned and watched as Sensei helped him up off the mat, then turned to me.

"Rebecca," he said, "tell me why that was wrong."

I must have been eight or nine at the time, and I looked down, a little embarrassed.

"Because I hurt him?" I said softly.

Sensei laughed. "No, little one. That is part of what a martial art is for. This is not a dance, it is a battle. You are supposed to win -- although I do recommend not striking out in anger." He shook his head. "The problem with what you did is that you used your energy to turn a defensive move into an attack. It can be done, but not the way you did it. Not with that sort of defense. How did it feel?"

I thought for a moment. "Wrong somehow. Almost like I was trying too hard."

He nodded. "You were. A true battle could go minutes or even hours. By using energy in both defense and attack, you weaken yourself and give your opponent a way to wear you down."

I felt frustrated. "But I can't just let him hit me."

Sensei smiled. "You're right. You can't. Attack me, Rebecca." When I hesitated, he patted my shoulder. "Don’t worry. I want to show you something."

So I took my stance, bowed, and struck out at him, over and over again. Each time, he stood completely still, moving only as much as he needed to deflect each blow. They slid harmlessly past him, time and again, until I stood in front of him breathing hard and trembling, totally confused.

"You see?" he said, smiling again. "I used only the energy I needed to divert your attacks, making your blows land elsewhere, or not at all. The energy of your attacks was wasted, and while I remained alert and ready to strike, you have become tired and ready to quit."

He held up a finger. "But if I had tried to fight each attack with my own energy, I would be as tired and discouraged as you are now." I stood there, still panting. Sensei sighed. "An oak and a willow stand side by side. The oak stands firm against the wind, while the willow shifts with it and allows it to pass. When the hurricane comes, which will survive?"

"Ummm ... the willow?"

My teacher nodded. "Because it knows enough to let the wind do the work, and push it out of the way. Remember Rebecca ..."

###

"... the oak breaks, but the willow bends."

I smiled, and my shielding rebounded as my will grew stronger. 'I can't dodge her attack,' I mused, 'since it's coming at me from all sides equally. But if this energy can neither be created, destroyed, or avoided, maybe it can be . . . used?'

I closed my eyes, focused, and created a series of layers for my shields. The magical energy she kept throwing at me sank into the outer layers, and eventually became a part of my own shields, making them stronger. The harder she attacked, the stronger they became, and eventually they were strong enough to hold back the onslaught with only a minor energy expenditure on my part.

Immediately, the strain on me began to lessen, and I could see and hear the world outside again.

" ... obviously she is incapable of responding to my attack." The Cat Goddess was agitated, her tail twitching with frustration as she spoke. "Surely this means I am the winner!"

Akomachi looked at the Cat and cocked her head. "Surely you remember the terms of the duel. She must acknowledge defeat. If your attack renders such an acknowledgement impossible, the duel must continue." She smiled. "Quite clever on my daughter's part. You cannot win without her consent, so you will take care on the field of battle to ensure no harm comes to her."

"As to that, I am not yet ready to concede the contest," I said, trying desperately for a normal tone. The almost-defeat left my voice shaking with fatigue. They both turned simultaneously to see me floating inside my bubble of stolen energy. "And as for responding to your attack ..."

I lashed out with a concentrated spell of my own, designed to turn her fur deep purple. With a flick of a whisker, she countered it with a precise strike of her own magic that deflected the spell into the sky above. Undaunted, the Cat threw another bolt of energy at me, which was absorbed and made part of my shields.

And so it went, minute after minute, each of my spells countered by the barest effort on her part, and each of her attacks merging with my shields to become part of them. As her spells dissolved, I analyzed each one, assembling a picture of her own casting ability from how each spell was constructed.

I noticed that her defense used focused strikes to redirect my attacks -- something like punching an incoming fist to avoid having it hit you. Unlike my Sensei's concern, using power to defend by attacking was not really an issue for araNyamArjAra. According to my gifted memories, most gods seem to have a deep wellspring of energy at their disposal, and she was no exception.

Still, since my magic never actually reached her, she never had an opportunity to study my spellcasting technique. Apparently, her strategy was to wait. Given time, I would wear myself out, since as a mere mortal, I would tire eventually, and then she could take me however she wished.

My shields seemed to upset her, though. From what I could tell, it seemed to strike her as cheating -- as if I'd come up with some stupid human trick to avoid a real battle. Being a goddess, the idea of hiding from an attack behind anything just felt wrong, which probably explained why her "children" didn't have shields either.

Not that her distaste for the concept gave me any kind of edge. araNyamArjAra was fast and tireless. We had quickly reached a point of stalemate, and had settled down to a samurai-like battle of wills where each of us waited for the other to blink. She had long since stopped attacking me, realizing that every strike just made my shields stronger.

Unfortunately, being immortal, she had all the time in the world to wait for me to grow tired. And I, even as enhanced as I was, didn't have that luxury.

Still, I had a tremendous amount of her power wrapped around me, protecting me. Could I use that stored power against her? Heather managed to use Gwen's power to change her. Could I do the same with the Cat?

'I'd have to take her power in and make it my own,' I thought, my eyes never leaving hers. 'Could I do that without being corrupted by it? The Arbiters said I couldn't tell them power held no attraction for me until I had the chance to face temptation head on and beat it. I guess now's the time to see if they were right.'

Before I could think about the madness of what I was about to do, I reached out and pulled all of the power in my shields -- the stored power of an angry goddess -- directly into me, and made it my own.

Wiped clean of her intent in the conversion process, it was raw and harsh and unforgiving, and I writhed and screamed in pain as it roared into me and became a part of who I was. It poured in, filling me from head to toe and overflowing through my skin to bathe me in a glow as bright as a magnesium flare. It flickered across the surface of my skin, raising my hair into a fiery halo of red, and sparks flew as I licked my lips and smiled.

I saw her eyes narrow, and the first flicker of real fear chased across her. I watched the energy for a spell build throughout her body, almost in slow motion. But before she could cast it, I threw my own spell at her -- and trapped her in the very same sphere of magic she almost used to defeat me. It closed on her so quickly, she had no chance to react.

And without shields to hold the magic back, she didn't have a chance.

My spell was something totally new, yet rooted in all of my experience since becoming the Advocate. It had been painstakingly woven from all she had thrown at me, along with the vestiges of the spells her children used, and even vague memories of the first spell the pain eaters had thrown at me, a few weeks -- and so very long -- ago.

And when the glow faded, what had been araNyamArjAra, immortal Cat goddess, was something she could never believe she could ever become.

Human.

She was a little girl, no more than fix or six years old, dressed in a white leotard and tights with matching ballet slippers on her feet. White cat ears on a white satin headband kept her blonde hair held back from her face, and a fluffy white tail was pinned to the back of her leotard just above the curve of her bottom. Whiskers had been drawn on her face with an eyebrow pencil, and her blue eyes were ringed with lines to make them seem more catlike.

Still, for all of the frivolous trappings, she was still, impossibly, just a little girl, and her mouth opened and closed with the shock of it. Her whole body trembled. From goddess to mortal, in the blink of an eye.

I hovered above her, still overflowing with stolen power, and watched her explore her new body with tiny hands that touched and probed everywhere. Her head began to shake, and her breathing came faster, until I thought for sure she would pass out. I saw tears falling from her eyes, and she slipped to her knees and curled up in a ball on the green grass, staining her costume.

I drifted to the ground beside her and kneeled next to her shaking form. I touched her back gently, and she squealed and tried to roll away. But I settled next to her and took her into my arms and just held her as she cried.

Just a girl. Human. Prey.

One of the pain eaters broke ranks and stepped forward.

"She is prey now!" It bellowed, smiling. "Look at her, brothers. The mighty goddess, nothing but a child -- and a human child at that! No more orders from on high, no more crouching in the darkness waiting for her word."

It sniffed, and its tongue darted out. Then it shivered. "And she hurts! Oh, I can taste her anguish from here! Her sadness, her fear! So tasty, so strong! She has fallen so far! I must have it all! She is ours for the taking -- and I will have her first!"

The demon lunged at us both, claws forming on its outstretched hands. Before I could cast, Leander leaped into the air in front of it, moving almost too fast to see. She sliced it in half with her broadsword, and it exploded with a flash of light, leaving nothing but a gray smoke that drifted across the field. The sword seemed to glow with added energy, emitting a hum that sounded strangely . . . satisfied. The rest of the pain eaters froze in place.

Leander smiled. "Who's next?" she asked, taking her stance once again. "My weapon hungers, and I am bored."

The largest stepped forward and growled. "You would kill us? She was your enemy!"

Leander nodded. "That is true. But now she is human and under my protection." Her eyes flashed with barely suppressed anger. "Besides, you all swore an oath to protect her and her young, and now you plan to feast on her pain as if your word means nothing. You are bottom feeders and oath breakers all, and worth less than my spit! So yes, I would kill you. Happily."

The demon shook its head. "We dealt with a deity, not a human. As a human, she is prey. With her transformation, all bargains are cancelled!"

"A bargain struck is a bargain made," Leander replied, clearly disgusted. "You make bargains with humans all the time. This is no different. Oath breakers I called you and oath breakers you are. And if you try to approach her, you will die."

Another demon spoke up. "She is prey now, and we will have her." The rest roared in agreement.

Leander grinned. "You can try." She waved the broadsword in a complex flourish that ended with it in a ready position, held easily above her head. "I look forward to the attempt."

"You cannot kill all of us!"

"So I will kill you first, loud one -- if you take another step."

The goddess looked up at me, her drawn-on whiskers streaked with tears. I smiled and brushed a loose lock of hair from her face.

"Do you yield?" I asked softly. She trembled all over, sighed, and nodded.

"I am human, and by your hand. The victory is yours . . . Advocate." Her little girl voice was filled with sorrow, and she looked away. I touched her cheek and she turned to face me once again.

"You are human, araNyamArjAra, this is true," I whispered, "but you are not powerless. The spell that changed you was not a simple one. I wanted to change you, not take away all that you were. So I made sure that all of what you had -- all of your magic -- still remains within you. "

Her eyes widened, and I nodded. "And now you know that humans can cast as well as gods." It was her turn to nod. "The demons sought to betray you and feed upon you. So rise up and show them what it means to break an oath to a goddess. Rise up and show them what a human can do when she is powerful . . . and angry."

I saw determination grow on her face, and moved away. She stood quickly, bits of dirt and grass clinging to her leotard. A blue glow surrounded her and lifted her into the air, and I rose beside her, still holding the power my shields had captured during the duel.

"Leander," I called, my voice carrying clearly.

"Yes, my lady," she replied, her eyes never leaving her targets.

"The goddess can take care of herself now. Leave their punishment to her."

"As you wish, Advocate." Still facing the demons, Leander rose effortlessly from the ground and drifted backwards until she floated beside me. The sword remained at the ready, but it was clear from her body language that she was now protecting me, and not the girl.

The demons were confused to the point of inaction. Suddenly everything had changed. The prey was no longer prey. The food had ceased to be food and had become something else -- something that hurt them with every taste. The pain and sadness and loss they had felt before was gone, replaced by something they never expected to feel coming from a small human child.

Rage. Powerful, primal, uncontrolled rage.

"You DARE to break faith with ME???" araNyamArjAra's new little girl voice held an edge no one would mistake for anything but a disbelieving anger. "You vultures, thinking you could feed on my pain . . . MY PAIN . . . after swearing to protect me and mine with your lives!"

Her tones descended to a fierce growl, and her eyes narrowed into thin slits. "With your actions, you have earned the undying wrath of an Immortal, and it is time you were all paid -- in full."

She raised her arms, and branching forks of blue lightning shot into the assembled demons, as the shock wave from a seemingly endless thunderclap blew Leander and I back a good ten feet from the action. The pain eaters all writhed in agony and collapsed to the ground, their forms blurred in circles of light so bright the illumination reached clear to the school itself.

And when the lightning faded, every demon had been replaced by a little girl. Different races, and a mix of blondes, brunettes, and redheads -- but all the same age as the girl araNyamArjAra had become. Unlike araNyamArjAra, each of these girls were completely naked, and as they slowly became aware of what they had become, the cat girl spoke again.

"Now you are everything you despise, all of you! Tiny helpless prey, naked and alone. You are still immortal, but oh so much less than human." Her voice had become as cold and empty as it had been full of rage. "Because for all of time, until the sun itself explodes and burns the very ground we stand on to ash, you will be AFRAID. Millions of years await you as shy, frightful, nervous creatures, scared of everything and every one. You will be cared for by humans, but no one will ever truly be able to console you, or protect you. And NOTHING will save you from your own fear and doubt. You will provide an endless source of food for others of your kind, and they will feast on you . . . forever!"

She waved her hands and they all rose from the ground, screaming and clutching at each other. I could see the fear coming off of them in waves, reflected in their auras as a glowing greenish orange glow that never seemed to fade.

"Now I scatter you to the farthest reaches of the planet, so none of you might find solace with your transformed sisters!" araNyamArjAra conjured a whirlwind that ripped the girls from their partners and sent them spinning off into the sky in a dozen different directions. "Go, frightened ones! Find your human protectors, live your immortal lives in fear, and always remember what you did to earn your punishment . . . and who delivered it! GO!"

And they dwindled until they were dots in the sky.

And then they were gone.

For a while, there was silence. Then araNyamArjAra turned to me.

"What now?" she asked, her tiny voice full of concern.

"Now," I replied with a smile, "I bring you back to yourself, goddess, and we talk."

"You would . . . restore me?" A touch of hope flickered across her child's face.

I nodded, slightly confused. "Of course. The duel is ended. Why would I keep you this way?"

"As a punishment for my . . . crimes. Against your people." She sighed heavily. "My . . . children. Their families."

I moved closer to her, and lowered my floating form until we hovered eye to eye. "Was this what we agreed? That I would punish you? In any way?" The child shook her head, and I smiled. "Then why would I break my word to do so, when I know in my heart you will punish yourself for what you have done."

She stared at me. "You presume much, child."

I shook my head. "No, goddess. I know you better than you think. When Akomachi was saddened by her childless state, you reached out to comfort her. When you reminded her and made her even sadder, you apologized and tried to make it right. You loved those girls as your children, and did what you did to them because you wanted a family to love. I know you care about others, if you truly respect them. I know you have the very feelings you once claimed were weak when you attributed them to humans."

"The purpose of the duel was to show you that my people are more than prey," I continued. "Now that you have been human, even for so short a time as this, you know we are more than just something to be taken and used -- if not your equals, at least worthy of the same consideration you show to others like you. You have hurt those to whom you should have shown respect. And that hurts you more than any punishment I could ever give."

I watched her face change from displaying a shadow of her former arrogance to showing her sadness as she realized I was right -- and that she had been wrong. The human child bowed her head under the weight of her new knowledge.

"You have done terrible things, goddess, or caused them to be done," I said softly, touching her cheek. "But I know the part of you that cares will do whatever she can to make amends." She nodded, still not looking up.

'She has seen what you wished her to see, Becca-chan,' Akomachi's voice echoed in my mind. 'You have shown her what she did not wish to see, and you did it with love and respect. You make me proud to call you daughter.'

'Thank you, Casa,' I replied, sending her a wave of love and feeling her love in return.

I closed my eyes and used the remainder of her stolen power to restore her. In seconds, she was araNyamArjAra again, last of her kind, feline and powerful -- yet strangely, so much less than she had been before we dueled. I could feel that her arrogance and certainty had been tempered by the knowledge of her disrespect to another worthy race, and the damage she had done.

I drifted gently to the ground in front of the cat goddess, Leander beside me.

"I will restore the boys and give them their lives back," I said softly. "Will you restore the girls and give them back their humanity?" The goddess nodded. "Thank you. Please make them forget the pain you made them cause, because they would blame themselves for what you spelled them to do."

"It will be done, Advocate. I still love them, even if they cannot be mine. I would not hurt them for anything." She looked down at me, and smiled sadly. "I will also watch over them all in the future, boys and girls, and do what I can to make their lives better."

I raised an eyebrow. "Not easier?"

araNyamArjAra smiled. "I know how humans think, child. Your people like to work for what you get. I will just make sure they get the chance they need to earn their own successes."

She turned her attention to Leander. "Mage. I wronged you, as well, all those years ago. For what it is worth after what I did to you, I am sorry."

Leander shook her head. "No, I deserved to be punished for the things I had done. I know that now. Granted, it shouldn't have gone on for five hundred years, but that is not your fault, and I will never forgive the ones responsible." She looked up into the goddess's eyes. "Once I wanted to watch you die, and be the cause of it. Now . . . I know the past is past. I wish you well."

The Cat returned Leander's gaze, and nodded. "The Advocate was right. You have grown. There is more of the hero in you now -- and something of the champion as well." Leander blushed and turned away. araNyamArjAra turned her eyes to me, and I saw them fill with sorrow.

"Will you release the girls now that I might set them free?" I nodded, and with a wave of a hand, each girl slipped from her time bubble to the ground below, slightly confused from the time suspension and the change in location. The goddess moved from one to the next, calming them with her touch and whispering softly in their ears. She kissed each of them gently on the forehead, then closed her eyes and let them fade and disappear.

"They are where they should be, and as they were before I spelled them." I could feel her sadness, and reached out to try and offer comfort, but the Cat shook her head at my unspoken offer. "I appreciate your desire to help, Advocate, but I have just lost my children. I loved them so, and now they are gone -- and part of their leaving was because of you. I need to be alone now, to mourn their loss and try to figure out where my future might lead -- or if I even have one."

"I understand, Goddess," I replied, withdrawing the sympathy I had begun to send. "Before you leave, may I point out something to consider?"

araNyamArjAra paused, then nodded. "Thank you. The only reason you had to set your 'children' free was because you did not allow them to choose their path. Had you made the offer to an adult, and had it been accepted freely, I would not have stood in your way."

She stood, silent, considering my words. "I am sure there are many humans who would jump at the chance to become your children," I continued, "to become immortal, and a god. You could choose carefully from those who would volunteer, then raise them properly. You could teach them what it means to be one of your people, and how to use their newfound power wisely."

I could almost see the implications spinning through her mind, and decided to take the next step. "And if you were to choose both men and women to 'adopt,' you could bring your people back, given time."

The goddess seemed to freeze, but I could see her tail jerking back and forth, and her ears perked up with interest. I shrugged. "Something to consider, as I said. I am sorry for your loss, but there are always new paths just over the horizon. I wanted you to see . . . the possibilities."

She looked down at me, and gave me a small smile that reached up into her eyes. "Thank you, Advocate. You have given me something to think about, and I am grateful."

She turned her head and nodded to Akomachi. "You have chosen your daughter well, vixen. Love her, for she is worthy of an immortal's love. Care for her as she cares for her kind. And teach her -- because for all her knowledge, she still has much to learn." Akomachi gave her a smile and a deep curtsey, a neat trick in mid-air. Then she turned to me, touched my soul, and faded slowly, as if she were just a mist on the wind.

I stepped back and performed a curtsey of my own to honor the goddess, complete with a head bob. The Cat grinned a predator's grin, stretched in a very feline way, and vanished.

As the adrenaline started wearing off, I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me, and began to fall backwards onto the grass. Leander caught me and lowered me to a seated position, and I gave her a small hug and a smile.

"You need to rest, my lady," she said, smiling back. "Dancing with immortals tends to tire one, so I've heard -- and you have danced quite a lot today."

"Still a few more steps before the music ends, I think." I grinned. "I've got to figure out how to explain the goddess's pyrotechnics to the school administration, and give the authorities a false trail to chase. And of course, there are still the boys to restore. But I think we've finally reached the last chorus."

I stood up and stretched, reaching for the sky and then down to touch my toes. "And between you and me, Leander, I'll be happy when the band goes on break."

We turned and started across the field for the school.

© 2005-2007 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

---

 
Almost to journey's end, sweet readers. Thank you so much for hanging in and hanging on! *hugs* -- Randalynn
 
To Be Continued...

As her first mission as The Advocate draws to a close, Becca ties her loose ends and tries to resume a normal life -- well, as normal as life can get for a fledgling superhero. But a cryptic message from the Omnipresence forces Becca to rethink her place in the Multiverse, and brings about a meeting she'd never thought she'd see.

by Randalynn

---

 
 

"The past isn't dead. It isn't even past." -- William Faulkner
 
"Impossible is a word humans use far too often." -- Seven of Nine, Star Trek: Voyager
 
 
Since the Cat Goddess had taken steps to restore the timeline by returning the girls to their rightful place in it, Heather and I didn't have to wait until the boys were alone anymore. From the knowledge I'd gained about the spells used, I also didn't have to worry about magical fallout changing the transformation matrix. After a short break for lunch (and a chance to catch my breath), we took each of the transformed boys out of their daycare situations and brought them to Mrs. Graymalkin's studio.

Even though it was clearly safe, we ported directly into a time bubble in the center of the dance floor. Time would move very quickly inside the bubble while remaining slow beyond its walls, so no one would even suspect the toddlers were gone. And once they were all restored, none of their former daycare providers would even remember the little girls ever existed.

But the memories of the boys themselves were another matter.

"I can easily restore each of you to where you would have been if events had taken their normal course," I said to the group, sitting in a circle in the middle of the dance floor. "And all of you will have a complete set of memories of your old life up to the time you return, so you can hit the ground running. But you each have a choice to make before I begin. And I can't make it for you."

"A choice?" Mike asked, still cute as a button in a pair of pink OshKosh overalls and a white blouse with a Peter Pan collar.

I nodded. "I can put your lives right back on track, as I said. But I need to know whether or not you also want to remember the time you spent trapped as a three-year-old girl."

"You mean we can choose to remember . . . or not?" Tim, currently Tammy, looked confused. "Why would I want to remember any of it?"

"Because it's part of your history," Heather piped up, causing everyone to turn her way. "That means it’s a part of you. We learn from the things that happen to us, good and bad, and that learning helps us grow."

"But . . . but it sucked!" In her bright yellow play dress, Tim looked about ready to cry. "I felt small and scared and weak and stupid and . . . and it went on and on! It felt like forever! Why the hell would I want to remember being trapped like this?"

"Because it happened, Tim." Mike's voice took his friend by surprise. "If you get rid of it, then it all happened for nothing. But if you hang onto the memories, then you'll always know you went through something really bad and came out the other side. Keeping the memories will make you stronger in the end."

"Or give me nightmares that won't go away." Tim crossed her arms and stared straight ahead. "Losing a slice of hell isn't a loss in my book, bro. I just want to get back to life the way it should have been."

Andrew, currently Annie, spoke up. "If I do decide to remember these months, how am I ever gonna deal with my sister again after what she did to me?" The toddler's party dress was pink and frilly, with a picture of Disney's Cinderella on the front. A pair of matching ruffled panties peeked out from under it.

"I did explain what happened," I said helpfully. "It really wasn't her fault."

Andrew shook her head, her pigtails whipping back and forth.

"I know what you said, and I understand it, up here," she replied, tapping her forehead. "But in my heart, I still remember how Libby hurt me for months, even if she doesn't remember it anymore. I know that lurking somewhere inside her is someone who could laugh as I cried, and I don't know how to deal with that."

"It was that Cat Goddess making her do that," Mike said, "You should know how easy it is to have your head twisted, man. The other day in daycare, I saw you trying to eat crayons! That wasn't you -- that was what they made you into when other people were around."

Andrew shook his head. "I just don't know."

"What about Travis?" Tim pointed to the baby Heather held in her arms. I sighed.

"Travis doesn't get a choice," I said softly. "Some things are too painful to remember. For him, all of his memories of this time will disappear. The new memories will fill the vacuum when the old ones vanish, and he can start again from there, just like the rest of you who choose to forget."

'At least, that's the theory,' I thought, a little uneasy. 'Whether it works or not . . .'

A long silence followed, and then I clapped my hands and smiled. "So who's first?"

###

All of the boys chose to forget the past few months had ever happened.

All of them, that is, except for Mike.

One by one, I cast each of them into the present they should have inhabited. Before I sent each boy back into his life, I checked first to make sure none of them had died or been seriously injured in the original timeline. It would have been pretty stupid to save them from life as a toddler only to send them to an accidental death or worse, trapping them in a body that no longer functioned at all.

Eventually, only Mike and Travis were left. Mike struggled to his feet and waddled over to me.

"I want to thank you, Becca," he said, as he gave my legs a hug. "You saved us all, and none of the other guys even shook your hand."

"Well, let me shake yours, hon," I replied with a smile, and he let go of me and reached up with pudgy fingers. "You're something really special, Mike. In an impossible situation like this, you hung on until I managed to find you. And of all of your friends, you're the only one with enough courage to keep the memories of your time as Missy. That makes you pretty special in my book."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?" Mike looked down at his yellow sneakers with the daisies embroidered on them. "At least, that's what they say. But I'm not stupid, Becca. If hanging onto the memories gets too hard for me to handle, I'll call."

"And I'll come help." I picked him up and gave him a proper hug, then set him down on his feet. "Go win some games, Mike."

"I'll do my best." He smiled, closed his eyes, and I sent him back to the life he should have had.

###

I couldn't put it off any longer. This was the one thing I wasn't sure would work, since so much depended on what was actually going on inside someone else's mind. All of my efforts to try and find Travis inside Tina's tiny head were failures. I found nothing but a frightened -- and frightening -- silence, so I couldn't really tell if Travis was only hiding . . . or gone.

Still, I couldn't just send him off and hope my solution was successful. I took a deep breath, crossed my fingers, and restored Travis to his real life, as I did the others. But this time, I went along, to see if my solution worked. I needed to be there, to help coax Travis out of his shell if I could -- or bring him back to a life as Tina if I couldn't.

He was lying in his bed in his dorm room, snoring. Apparently, he had fallen asleep while studying, since books and papers were scattered around his sleeping form. I sat on the edge of the bed to watch him, waiting for him to wake up.

While I waited, my eyes roamed the room. The walls were covered with posters of alternative rock bands, and the floor was covered with discarded clothes and an empty pizza box. Over on the desk was a picture of Travis and a girl on the beach, their arms around each other. She was blonde and tan and pretty in her skimpy blue string bikini, and they were obviously very much in love. I reviewed the memories I had given him of the life he should have had, and saw that she loved him too, very much -- even though they went to schools hundreds of miles apart.

'That's a good sign,' I thought with a sigh. 'Having memories of a strong relationship like that to hold him here might make all the difference. Wanting to accept this reality could be a deciding factor, determining whether Travis wakes up as himself, or retreats again when he opens his eyes.'

Travis snorted once, and turned over slightly. I took another look at the picture and realized there was one more way I could help Travis come back.

I closed my eyes and readied a spell.

###

Travis woke slowly, slightly disoriented. The world seemed to rush at him, all of the past months assaulting him simultaneously, and he shook his head, trying to make sense of it all.

Then he felt a soft hand touch his cheek, and he opened his eyes to find Laurie sitting on the edge of the bed, her pale blue eyes filled with love and concern.

"Hey, boyfriend," she whispered, bending down to give him a soft kiss. "You were having a nightmare, so I came to help."

"Night . . . mare?" The words were hard for him to get out, almost as if he hadn't talked in months.

Laurie nodded and kissed him again. "Yes, hon. A nightmare. I'm here to show you there's nothing to be afraid of."

"Am I dreaming?" Travis's voice became clearer, more distinct. Laurie laughed and touched his nose with hers.

"Of course you are, silly. Why else would I be wearing a bikini in October?"

The boy reached up with one hand and pulled her face down to his for a long deep kiss. His other hand slid upwards, cupping one of her hips.

"You feel real," he said softly. "Mmmmm, feels nice."

"Well, you'll have to wait for the real thing, honey," she replied with a smile. "I'm just a figment of your imagination until Thanksgiving. See?" Laurie stood up next to the bed, twirled around, and was suddenly dressed in a sky blue harem outfit.

His confusion was written all over his face. "Why . . . why are you here?"

"Because I wanted you to know I love you. Call me, 'kay?" Laurie bent over and kissed his forehead. "I need to hear I love you, too."

Then with a smile and a wave, she vanished. Travis sat up with a start, looking around for his dream girl.

"Whoa," he whispered. "Weird dream. I must really miss her." He reached up to touch where she had kissed him, and noticed his cell phone sitting on the nightstand. "I've got to tell her about this!"

I hovered over Travis near the ceiling, invisible but smiling. As he reached for his phone, I breathed a sigh of relief and ported back to the dance studio.

The girls were home. The boys were home. Travis was going to be just fine.

And that, as they say, was that.

But as usual, they were wrong.

###

After the defeat of the Cat Goddess and the return of the boys and girls to their respective lives, my own life began to settle into something approaching normal -- well, normal for me, anyway. Leander and I continued to spar magically and talk of tactics in the heat of battle; Mrs. Graymalkin and I would dance and talk of strategies and the ethical uses of magic. Heather would sit in on both sessions, listening intently and occasionally taking part in the discussions.

Surprisingly, Heather's attitude towards Leander changed once I told her what had happened during the duel. Over time, she came to accept Leander as an older sister, and began to spar with both Leander and myself during the practice sessions. After watching Mrs. Graymalkin and I, she discovered an interest in learning ballet, and began her own set of lessons in both dance and magical defense at the studio.

Outside of classes, Heather, Amy, and I became a well-recognized trio, spending all of our spare time together -- except when Heather was with Jeremy and I was with Tommy, of course.

I met Dom at a Starbucks one afternoon after school, and I brought her up to speed on what I could do with magic. We thought about ways I could help her do her job, and we talked about how she could help me do mine.

"I'll keep my eyes open for anything . . . magical," she had said, taking a sip of her latte before shaking her head in amazement. "I can't believe I just said that."

A few days after the duel, my first period arrived, accompanied by swollen breasts, cramps, mood swings, and the expected mess and smell. Still, even with all that, my menses was a cause for celebration as all the females in the Barnes household gathered to acknowledge my first steps into womanhood.

As Jack, I had been barred from being part of Emma's "first-time" ceremony, it being a "girls only" event. But as Becca, I was the star, and I soon discovered that this day had been anticipated and prepared for far in advance by my former wife and daughter.

I learned many things that day. I learned that chocolate was a gift from the Goddess to make the time easier to bear (this time, it was also a gift from Emma in the form of a five pound bar of Hershey's best). I learned of the value of massages and heating pads and baths; and both mother and sister revealed to me the mysteries behind what to wear and what NOT to wear during that time of the month.

I also learned that feminine hygiene products were definitely my friends, and was told that finding exactly what was best for each girl was a personal decision. Mom gave me boxes of several different types of napkins, tampons, and shields, and I was encouraged to experiment until I could find out which brands and what combinations felt right to me. She and Emma told me what they thought worked best for them, and tried to answer whatever questions I had about periods in general -- although they were quick to point out that every woman's experience was different.

Heather hung on every word, looking from me to the boxes and back again. When Mom announced it was time for us to go for ice cream, she and Emma went off to get their coats. I rose slowly from the bed and walked over to Heather.

"Are you okay, sis? You look a little stunned."

She looked up at me and smiled. "I'm fine," she replied. "It's just . . . I know it's coming for me, too. And I don't regret choosing to stay this way, not for an instant. I love being a girl. But still, it's a big thing, to have this happen to you every month." She cocked her head and gave me a curious look. "You seem to be handling it well, though."

I shrugged. "It's just a part of my life, hon. I was a girl, and now I'm a woman. I wouldn't change a thing." I winced as another cramp hit, and then gave her a small smile. "Well, maybe I would, a little, but it's not awful, really. Just . . . awkward and messy. This is part of who and what I am, and who and what I always wanted to be. I'm happy."

Heather took my hand and squeezed. "Me, too. Thanks for everything, Becca."

I reached out and gave her a big hug. "I hope you say that again when it's your turn to be the guest of honor," I whispered. I heard her giggle, and we headed for the front door where my Mom and my sister were waiting.

###

It was hot for October, and I was taking advantage of the spring-like temperature to wear something fun -- and for me a little symbolic. It was the first outfit I'd chosen when I woke up as my teenaged self almost a month ago -- a scoop neck pale green tee shirt with a thin white button-down blouse over it; a short dark green skirt that fell just above mid-thigh, in a very light fabric with several layers of ruffles; and white sneakers with gray trim over white socks. My hair was loose this time instead of held in a ponytail, and I wore just enough make-up to make me feel pretty.

I was sitting outside of the Starbucks, sipping on a vanilla bean frappuchino and waiting for my Tommy to come meet me. While my eyes followed the many passers-by, I was actually thinking about how I could use my time-bending abilities to do my job and still have a life.

'Perhaps I can "time share" with myself,' I mused. 'By going back over my own time line every night, I can patrol the whole world for eight hours and still get a decent night's sleep. Or, since time passes at a different rate in Akomachi's home, I could sleep there for hours and have it register here in minutes. Maybe a combination of both . . . ?'

My mind was spinning with possibilities when I heard a male voice behind me. It spoke in a tone I had only associated with eulogies in the past.

"You have failed, Advocate," it said. "Your task remains incomplete."

I turned my head to discover an older boy standing behind me -- late teens, maybe early twenties. My eyes traveled up his body to take in the faded denim pants and matching jacket, the black tee shirt, the short dark hair and matching goatee, the simple earrings with a matching stud shining in the side of his nose. His dark brown eyes were filled with concern, and he moved forward and sat down across from me.

"Advocate," he said earnestly. "The job is not yet done. The Multiverse is not as it was."

I took my straw out of my mouth and eyed him thoughtfully. "And you are?"

"I am The Envoy," he replied, leaning forward. "The messenger of the Omnipresence."

"God needs a messenger?" I smiled. "What, Her Infinite Majesty can't pick up a phone?"

"The Omnipresence is nearly infinite, it is true." The Envoy shrugged. "When confronted with infinity, humans tend to go a bit -- insane. So a messenger is needed, yes."

"And your message to me is 'the job is not yet done.'" He nodded. I stopped and took another sip. "If we're talking about the same thing, I'm afraid I have to disagree. Just the other day, I looked at my 'To Do' list and it seemed to me that all the boxes had been checked off. araNyamArjAra gone, girls and boys all free and happy. Life is good. So what's left?"

"One box remains unchecked. Hunter Thomas." The Envoy's eyes flashed, and he raised his voice a touch. "He remains Heather, and that cannot stand. The Omnipresence would like you to restore the boy so the work can continue. That is why your task is incomplete."

"You want Hunter back?" I smiled and shook my head. "Oh, no. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can't do that."

He looked surprised. "Why not?"

"Because it would be wrong." I sighed at the look of confusion on his face. "Look, as The Advocate, it's my job to protect people, not to hurt them, right?" The Envoy nodded. "So as it stands now, Heather is happy, well-adjusted, and deeply in love with my brother. For her, Hunter is nothing but a bad memory. If I return her to the hell she used to live in, I will hurt her -- and Jeremy, too, even though he probably wouldn't remember it. So Hunter isn't coming back. Not now, not ever. Message or no message, Heather stays Heather."

His mouth opened in disbelief. "But . . . but this message comes directly from the Omnipresence!"

"Oh, I believe you," I replied calmly.

"Then you must comply." The Envoy tried to look stern and disapproving, but in the body he wore, it came out looking more like someone had gotten his espresso order wrong. "You have to."

"No, I do not." I took another sip of my drink. "The Omnipresence gave me free will, and I choose to exercise it. I won't hurt anyone just because someone tells me to, even if that someone is God." I looked upward. "And I won't hurt people I care about just to make Your work easier for you. Considering who you are and what you can do, you certainly don't need my help."

The Envoy's voice shook, and both of his hands became fists. "You will show some respect, Advocate."

I put down the nearly empty cup and readied a defensive spell. The tension in the air was palpable, but all of it was coming from him.

"Or what?" I smiled. "That sounded suspiciously like a threat, messenger. Someone should have told you I don't deal well with threats."

"I am The Envoy," he repeated. "You would not dare to attack me."

"What I will or will not dare is not up for debate." I looked him in the eyes. "Push me too hard and you'll find out just how far I'll go."

He smiled. "I am not afraid of you. The Omnipresence will protect me."

"Maybe." I grinned and settled back in my chair, crossing my legs at the knee. "I've heard she doesn't act directly down here these days. If she did, I would imagine she'd just change Heather back to Hunter herself, if Heather is too much of an obstacle to the great plan. But her acting directly might cause more harm than good, if I remember correctly. I guess if it comes down to it, we'll know for sure how far God will go to keep you safe . . . won't we?"

The Envoy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I am not here to fight you, Advocate. The Omnipresence requests that you honor her wishes and return Heather to her rightful form as Hunter."

"I appreciate that. But I will not comply. You could tell her so, but I'm sure she already knows. She is omniscient, after all."

"Hey, Becca!" I felt Tommy's hands on my shoulders, and I tilted my head back to give him a kiss as his lips came down to meet mine.

"Hi, Tomcat," I whispered before he stole another kiss. "You're right on time."

"Oh?" He raised his head up to look at the boy across the table. "Ready to go, then?"

"More than ready!" I snagged my purse, threw it over my shoulder and stood up. The Envoy watched me, confusion in his eyes. "You will excuse me, won't you?"

He looked confused again. "What?"

"Your message has been delivered, and I've given you my reply. Our business is concluded, and I have other places to be."

I picked up my empty cup and threw it in a nearby trashcan. Then I flashed the Envoy a brilliant smile. "Have a safe trip home, now!" I slid my arm around Tommy's waist, and walked away.

"Was that guy giving you any trouble, babe?" Tommy asked, his arm around my shoulders and his face half-buried in my hair.

"Him? No, not at all," I replied, happy to be with him again. "He was just acting like so many other teenaged boys these days."

"Oh?"

"Absolutely," I nodded, turning my head and burying my face in his chest so Tommy couldn't see me grin. "He thinks he's Heaven-sent."

###

That night, I stared up at the bottom of Heather's bunk, listening to her soft snores and thinking about my response to the Envoy in the Starbucks.

'Before the duel with the Cat Goddess, I told Dom it was hard to say no to God,' I mused, 'but it turned out not to be so hard at all. Should it be that easy for me to tell the Creator to take a hike? Is that a good thing? What am I becoming, if I can do that without even stopping to think about the consequences?'

'But you did think about them.' I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. 'You just thought about the consequences for Heather and Jeremy if you did what God asked you to do. You put them first, without even thinking that maybe God knew better than you. Do you think so much of yourself after one victory -- that your judgment is better than hers?'

I padded over to the bedroom door, pulled on my robe over my lavender "Hello, Kitty" pajamas, and made my way down the hall and into the kitchen without turning on a light. My new "C' cup breasts moved a bit more than they used to, swaying and bouncing slightly as I walked silently through the kitchen to the living room. Part of me savored the feeling of finally having breasts of my own, but the part of me that had grown up Becca wondered if bigger really was better. I was still thinking about returning them to the more comfy "B" cups they had been before.

What little moonlight filtered through the cracks in the living room curtains made it easy for me to find the sofa, and I curled up on it and stared at the overstuffed recliner across from me. It had been my chair -- well, Jack's chair -- before all of this started. 'Daddy's chair,' my Becca self protested. I nodded, giving her history the weight it deserved, since it was my history now as well.

The recliner remained in its place in the living room, but I had noticed an unwritten rule that kept everyone from sitting in it. It was like a strange suburban version of the "Missing Man" formation Air Force pilots fly to honor fallen comrades, as if everyone saw it as a placeholder for the missing man in the family -- or kept it as a reminder of the empty place Jack left behind.

I was dwelling on the emptiness of it, thinking again about that meeting in the parking lot that took me away from them all. Which made it all the more surprising when Mrs. Graymalkin suddenly appeared, flickering into existence in my old recliner and filling the chair as if it had been made for her.

"That was a very interesting choice you made today, Becca," the older woman said softly, her eyes never leaving mine. "Not surprising, but interesting."

She was wearing a white blouse and the long black skirt she had worn to the commitment ceremony, but her grey-streaked hair was loose and fell in soft curls down over her shoulders.

"Thank you, Ma'am . . . I think," I replied, keeping my own voice low. "Sorry to wake you. Was I thinking too loud again?"

"Something like that." Mrs. Graymalkin stood up and walked over to the sofa. As she sat, she turned sideways to face me, curling herself into the opposite corner of the couch. "Maybe feeling too much would be a better description."

"Well, blowing off a request from the Omnipresence tends to make one feel . . . uncertain." I gave a small laugh, wrapped my arms around my middle and hugged myself. "It was easy to do at the time, but now, all the questions start."

"Questions?" My dance teacher remained curiously serene. "Are you having doubts about your message?"

I shook my head. "Not about the message, but how easy it was for me to deliver it. I didn't hesitate, or deliberate. I didn't even think about what would happen to me if I refused. I just said no. To the Creator of . . . everything, I said no."

"Why did you say no? Not out of pride or stubbornness. It wasn't because you thought you knew better, surely."

"You know me better than that." Mrs. Graymalkin nodded, her attention unwavering. "I said no because I know God doesn't truly need Heather to suffer." I looked down at my painted toenails. "Whatever her plan might be, God is more than capable of working around having my little sister stay my little sister. And she certainly doesn't need me to hurt her. People suffer as part of the big plan every day."

I looked back at my teacher. "Someday I'm going to have to do somebody some serious harm. I know that. It's part of the job. But when that day comes, it will be because I have no other choice. Asimov once said that 'violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.' I'd like to believe I'll always be smart enough to avoid bloodshed if I think hard enough. So maybe there's a bit of pride there." I grinned. "Me and MacGyver. What a handsome couple."

Mrs. Graymalkin didn't smile, just nodded. "I noticed you went out of your way to convince araNyamArjAra that she was wrong," she said, "instead of just destroying her as the Arbiters would have wanted you to do."

"In her way, she was 'people' too." I shrugged. "She just didn't know it until I showed her. Like anyone, she has the right to be wrong without getting a death sentence for it."

There was a long silence, then Mrs. Graymalkin smiled. I sensed something was different an instant before she opened her mouth, and then the other shoe dropped.

"I chose you well."

Suddenly I was very glad I was sitting down. The world seemed to spin, just for an instant. When it stopped, nothing had changed -- and everything had changed.

I was sharing a sofa with God.

She still looked like Mrs. Graymalkin, but it was pretty clear she wasn't. She was too still, too centered, too serene in her movements and thoughts to be merely human. And she exuded an aura of power that was unmistakable -- and slightly frightening.

"The messenger was an Envoy," she said calmly. "That means he was acting as an emissary from one sovereign to another, since your free will makes you the master of your own fate. The message was phrased as a request and not an order, because to order you to do anything would be in direct opposition to the free will I have worked so hard to encourage."

The Omnipresence looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "And you need not fear reprisals of any kind, Becca. I already knew your answer before you gave it."

"Oh? Then why ask the question?"

"Because the message itself was a test."

I felt confused and frustrated, and both feelings rose up in me. "That makes no sense. You already knew the answer!"

"But you didn't," she replied. "And I felt you should. The test was not for me, child. It was for you."

My jaw dropped, and I could barely speak. "Why?"

"So you could see what I already knew." She leaned forward and placed her hand on my arm. "That you would defy even me if you thought the cause was just."

I sat there, stunned. 'She wanted me to say no??'

The Omnipresence rose gracefully, turned and walked to the curtains. They parted as she approached, and pale moonlight outlined her borrowed form with a shimmering aura.

"You are everything I could have hoped for in an Advocate," she said softly, staring out into the yard with a small smile playing on the edges of her lips. "Willful and smart, brave and true. And you have chosen your allies well. You have introduced something new and vital to the plan -- a force for good, backed with strength, wisdom, courage, and heart. Your very existence -- you and your family and friends -- is proof that humanity is more than the Arbiters could ever imagine, and with your help, your kind will rise to meet the future, and conquer it."

I opened my mouth to protest her praise, and she waved a hand at me without looking. "Modesty is a virtue, Becca, but you have no need to embrace it so forcefully. I know what you are. You do, too. Embrace that, instead." My mouth closed with a snap, and I saw her smile. "Good."

Still smiling, the Omnipresence turned from the window and stood over me in the semi-darkness.

"There is one thing you still regret, even with all the good you have done," she whispered. "The pain your first encounter caused to the people you love more than life itself. They've come out stronger because of it, but it has taken its toll. Your wife left lonely and alone, sleeping on half the bed every night for fear of finding the other half empty and realizing her own other half is gone. Your children left without their father -- moving forward as best they can, but always with that space where their Dad used to be echoing in their hearts."

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks, and I nodded, afraid to say anything.

"I do not act directly in this world, and for good reason. The Multiverse is a work in progress, shaped by every decision I make as well as every decision made by every sentient creature in it. Every direct action I take could cause thousands of years of delay in achieving our goal . . . or move us forward by the same amount. With all of my knowledge and power, I can't predict how a single intervention will change the landscape or by how much. It's something to do with a sort of universal free will -- what you people call the Uncertainty Principle."

The Omnipresence kneeled before me and took my hand. "But I can act directly, if I so choose. And for all you have done, and all I know you will do in defense of all who need it, I have decided. I will do what must be done to make you and yours whole again. So mote it be."

Shocked, I shook my head. "I can't ask you --"

She reached out and touched my lips with a finger. "You can ask, but you wouldn't. And you haven't. But I can offer. And I do accept on your behalf. Because you've earned it, and will earn it time and time again in the years to follow." I opened my mouth to protest again, and she shut it with a thought.

"Child," she whispered, "I cause so much pain in pursuit of a goal I cannot possibly explain to you and your kind, because you are not ready to know. Please, let me ease your own, in spite of the plan."

I looked down, then nodded.

Leaning forward, the Omnipresence kissed my forehead and gave me a smile. "Thank you. It might be confusing for a time, dear, but in the end, remember this. You truly are your father's daughter. And everything will be just fine."

"But this . . . is it really happening?" I looked up at her, scarcely daring to hope. "I mean, humans aren't supposed to be able to meet God, right? Facing the infinite is supposed to drive you mad!" She nodded. I sighed. "Then I must be asleep. This is just a dream . . . isn't it? I'm only dreaming."

"Of course you are, child," she replied, rising to her feet. "It's how I get around that pesky insanity thing. But sometimes, for very special people, dreams really do come true."

The Omnipresence took a deep breath. "However, the dreamers must always wake up first -- otherwise their dreams never see the light of day." She clapped her hands briskly. "So it's time for you to wake up, Becca, and face a brand new day." She clapped again. "Come along, child! Time to --"

###

"-- wake up, hon."

There was a hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. But it was the voice that shook me more. I hadn't heard it in weeks, and I never thought I would hear it again.

But there it was.

"Becca, baby, it's time to wake up. It's morning."

I opened my eyes to see a tall figure silhouetted against the light from the living room window. The curtains had been drawn back, and the sun streamed in behind him, casting his face in deep shadow. But I didn't need to see his face to know who it was.

Who it had to be. Who it couldn't possibly be.

"D ... Dad?" My voice quavered, and I heard him laugh the way I had laughed a thousand times before -- back before my shopping trip, and the meeting that changed everything. "Daddy?"

"Yes, baby," he replied, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "It's me . . . you . . . us."

I squealed and launched myself up into his arms, wrapping him in a hug so tight I could hear his joints crack. "Oh, God -- Daddy, you're back!"

Jack moved his mouth closer to my ear. "To everyone else, I never left, elf. I've always been here -- and you have, too." He kissed my cheek.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes. They were just as I remembered them from the years I spent staring back at myself in the bathroom mirror. "How . . . what . . . who are you?"

"From what I can tell, I'm sort of an echo of you, Becca," he replied, hesitating. "I'm everything you are and were, combined with the past everyone here remembers. I remember being you -- and raising you. I'm your Dad, yet at the same time, I'm you. And you are the me who raised Emma and Jeremy and went on to become The Advocate. We are one, and yet -- we're not." He ducked his head and scratched behind one ear. "It's . . . complicated. I'm still trying to sort it all out."

"Well, welcome to our new life . . . Dad. Confusion is just part of the status quo." I smiled and hugged him again. "I don't care how it happened. I'm just happy you're back."

"Me, too, baby. More than you know."

I looked up at him and chewed my lower lip. "And Mom? The other kids? They never suffered?"

"They never even knew I was gone. That we were gone." I could hear his voice rumbling in his chest, and I felt insanely happy.

"And Heather?"

"Same as before, mostly. You saved her, and we saved you." His eyes went glassy for a minute, and he smiled. "Although this time I got in a few good punches before someone pulled me off Heather's Dad." He thought some more. "Also, it's apparently much easier to move a guardianship through channels if there's a Mom and a Dad waiting on the other end of the process. Heather should be completely safe from anything her father or his family can do in time for Thanksgiving."

"Something to be thankful for." I giggled, and I felt him laugh. Then I thought of something. "Daddy?"

He smiled. "Yes . . . daughter?"

"Do you still want to be a woman?"

He went very quiet, and I just held him and waited for his answer. Finally, he spoke.

"Yes, I do. You know it's not something that's ever going to go away. It will always be a part of who I am." He sighed and shook his head. "But I did have a beautiful month as Becca, and I remember it all. That's going to have to be enough to hold me from now on."

I remembered what it was like before, living from day to day in the wrong body, sad and frustrated. I felt tears begin to start, and I hugged him tighter.

Jack reached out and touched my chin with his finger, raising my face until his eyes met mine. "No tears, little one. I know why I'm here, and I'm fine with it. This isn’t a punishment, Becca. It's a blessing. It fixes the mistake we made in that parking lot so long ago, and I can be with my wife and children again -- be the husband and the father they need. I'm okay with that, really."

Jack smiled. "But if I do need some girl time once in a while, I think I've got an 'in' with this really talented mage, right?"

I grinned back. "You bet, Daddy!"

"Good." He let me go, spun me around and gave me a slap on the bottom. I squealed and turned, mouth open for a yell, and he raised a finger. "Now you're making us late, baby! Or don't you want to share a breakfast with your dear old Dad anymore?"

"Breakfast?" I cocked my head, thought a moment, and screamed. "OhmyGOD! It's Sunday!"

"Yes, it is!" Jack picked up a magazine from the coffee table, sat down and put his feet up. "And you've got five minutes to get dressed and get back out here, or I'm going alone and eating both breakfasts without you."

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me, young lady. You of all people should know I never bluff." He grinned and glanced down at his watch. "Four minutes, forty seven seconds. Forty six. Forty five."

I made it with twenty three seconds to spare.

But he still ate my hash browns.

###

And this is where it ends, for now. In life, stories never really end. Even when someone dies, the other characters just pick up the tale and move on. Still, lives have chapters, too, and mine is no exception. This chapter is done -- the long strange trip to the end of my beginning has finally come to a close.

I won't tell you what happened next -- at least, not now. That really is another story. But in the interest of giving something back to those who follow after, let me leave you with a few well-earned words of advice -- lessons learned by someone who managed to make one bad choice and a whole slew of good ones; dodged more than a spell or two; and fell right into a life and a job she loves.

Family can be friends, if you never let the fact that you're related come between you.

Friends can be family, if you take them into your heart and make them so.

Enemies can become allies, then friends, then family, if you really get to know them -- and have the courage to let them know you in return.

Love conquers all -- or at least makes defeat easier to handle when there's someone else's arms to catch you when you fall.

And finally, nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it.

All it takes . . . is a touch of magic.

###

Afterword: This novel is dedicated to the memory of Joan, known to many by her pen name, Darla Raspberry.

She was my friend, and became family when I let her into my heart, where she took up permanent residence. Joan touched my soul with her wry commentary, her odd sense of humor, and a talent for storytelling she tried hard to deny, even as she showed everyone how good a writer she truly was. Her longest work was an extended serial that brought you into the life of her protagonist, and took you along to watch her grow and make her way in the world.

As Becca said just a few paragraphs ago, "In life, stories never really end. Even when someone dies, the other characters just pick up the tale and move on." That's what we all have to do, now that Joan's gone. And we will, because time keeps turning the pages whether we want to stop or not.

But we'll never forget those who leave us, because love doesn't fade with time.

My sister, you are missed. And you always will be.

-- Randalynn

© 2005-2007 as a work in progress, all rights reserved. Posted with permission of the author.
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