Synopsis: When Miles chooses to dress up as a girl and rush a sorority, he may have bitten off more than he could chew.

I’m not sure what I was thinking when I did it, honestly. I always felt like a girl on the inside but it wasn’t something that I was going to tell the world. I mean I still had my parents to worry about, jeez. What would they think? Over the years I’d taught myself how to do makeup really, really well. On the weekends I’d spent countless hours dressing up in my sister’s clothes while she and my mother were away, and I remembered staring at myself longingly in front of a full length mirror, wishing, and maybe even praying that I could be an actual girl. I wasn’t stupid, though; that was never going to be happen. I guess I knew I was trans back then, you know?
I got it into my head that I wanted to try living as a girl for one night, but I needed to like, go somewhere that no one would recognize me. I know what you’re going to say: this was utterly stupid, and rushing a sorority was probably the dumbest thing I could have done. In my head it made sense, it meant I could interact with other women and sort of feel accepted. Hey, I was good enough to pass as a girl, they would never know.
It wasn’t too long before I found myself on a sidewalk with a group of other potential pledges in front of the Alpha Gamma house. I was clutching the fake resume of sorts that I had conjured up. It listed my ‘major’, which I had put down as ‘Pre-Law’ when I was really a journalism major. I had come up with this elaborate history that to my mind seemed believable, like growing up on a farm in Ohio. No one lived in Ohio anyway, not like they could dispute my story even if they tried. My plan was to do this rush thing, get the satisfaction living as a woman for one night and then hopefully it would get out of my system. Dear god was I wrong.
“Okay ladies,” Our guide announced to the group of us. “This is the last house we’re going to be visiting tonight, it’s Alpha Gamma, one of the oldest sororities on campus. You know the drill by now, so go in, mingle, ask questions, and good luck!”
“Isn’t this going to be fun?” The girl next to me, Rebecca jostled me in the ribs as she grinned widely.
“Oh yeah, fun!” I confirmed in the feminine voice that I had been practicing for years. I hope it passed; this was the first time I’d ever tried it outside of my room. Or in this case, my dorm. I was really happy I somehow hadn’t been assigned a roommate yet, it meant I could get dressed for this little endeavor in peace, and without having to explain a stash of female clothes.
As we got inside I could see that this sorority was far different from any of the others we had visited. This place seriously reeked of money. I glanced around the entryway; an inlaid marble floor sat at the foot of a long staircase that broke off in two directions, and the open concept downstairs area was massive, simply massive. I couldn’t really get an idea of how big the place was honestly, there were too many people gathered, some talking, some eating, some pouring drinks. It was like, a massive social gathering. The good thing was that with so many people here it was unlikely that anyone would actually talk go me. Good; I didn’t know how much longer I could maintain my cover having visited like ten other houses tonight. The flats I’d chosen to wear were killing my feet – I didn’t even KNOW flats could hurt your feet that bad, what the hell?
Instead of talking to anyone I immediately made my way to the food table. They had a huge assortment of cocktail sausages, cheese, crackers, hard boiled eggs, and even biscotti. It was all laid out really nicely. Like I said, the place reeked of money. Old money.
“Hi!” A brunette girl stepped in my path. I nearly pissed myself. I’m not a big guy by any means, and she was…intimidating. “My name is Remy, I’m the president of Alpha Gamma!”
Oh my god. I could feel a lump developing in my throat, what the hell was I even supposed to say here?”
“Hi,” I squeaked. “My name is um…Allison.”
“You sound a little unsure there,” She laughed. “So what’s your major? What brings you to Alpha Gamma?”
“Well, my major is pre-law,” I was pretty sure I was starting to stutter. “And you know I uh…you know I’ve always wanted to join a house like this one because it would feel good to have a group of sisters to like, always have my back and…you know to have their backs…I guess? The whole sisterhood thing really appeals to me.”
I can’t believe I got all of that out of my mouth. I didn’t even know where it came from.
She nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s a good answer,” She said. “Though not one I haven’t heard before. Still I think your heart is in the right place. So do you have any questions for me?”
“I uh…what can you tell me about Alpha Gamma?” I asked nervously. I was going to sweat my makeup off. I could already feel my wig starting to slide. Holy shit. If she figured me out I was going to be in serious trouble.
“Our sorority was founded in 1871, and this particular house has been at Bellcrest University since 1951. We started out as a colony like any other house but we eventually got our own charter and…here we are! As a sorority we put a heavy emphasis on the principals of sisterhood and belonging but we also focus heavily on academics. You need to maintain a grade point average of 3.0 or higher to be a part of the house and we do ask that you be involved in at least one extracurricular. Some of the girls are cheerleaders but others are more into philanthropy. See while we are a regular sorority, so to speak, we’re also very service oriented.”
I nodded. It did sound like a lot of fun, it’s too bad I would never be a part of it.
“That is really interesting,” I said. “Sisterhood is very, very important to me. I’m also really big into feminism, obviously. Equality is very important to me.”
“That’s great to hear,” She said with a nod. “In my opinion a lot of people get feminism completely wrong.”
“I agree,” I said. “People like to think that it’s all about women overtaking men but it’s more about operating on an even playing field without having the deck stacked against us.”
I don’t even know how I was managing to stay this calm.
“Definitely,” She said, smiling. “Hey, I have to get to some of the other girls, so why don’t I take your resume and recommendation letters and maybe we’ll get back to you?”
I nodded, pretending to be happy.
“Absolutely,” I said. I reached into the folder I was holding and handed her the papers. She smiled and told me it was great to meet me before disappearing into the crowd. I nearly died. Seriously. I spent the rest of my time there hanging out in a corner; I was too afraid to even go for the food table. I guess I was hoping if I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of sight no one would talk to me. Eventually the nigh ended and we piled out of the house, each of going our separate ways, which mean me going back to my dorm room where I undressed and rubbed off the makeup that I’d so elaborately fussed over earlier in the evening. There, I’d done it. I’d gone out dressed as a girl, I’d talked to other girls, maybe now it was out of my system, right?
I passed the rest of the night playing Elder Scrolls Online and eventually collapsed into my bed, thinking about all of the events that had happened over the course of the night. Eventually I drifted off to sleep, only to wake up at like ten in the morning to the sound of my phone running. I rolled over, groaning and squinted at the caller ID. What the hell? This was literally the phone number for Alpha Gamma. I knew the number off the top of my head because I’d researched every sorority thoroughly before rush night. I wanted to know what I was getting into. So here’s a question: how did they have my phone number? I thought hard. Had I really messed up and put my own phone number of the resume I’d handed to…oh what was her name? Remy? Yeah, it was Remy, I think. Oh god, what was I going to do? I could ignore it, but then it would go to my voicemail which was so very male. I couldn’t let that happen. I slid the green ‘Answer’ button over to the right and held the phone up to my ear.
“Hello?” I answered in the girliest voice I could manage at this ungodly hour.
“Hey Allison!” I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the phone. “This is Remy from Alpha Gamma, I was just calling because I think you left a book here last night at rush?”
Oh god. I tried to remember if I’d been carrying one of my school books. It was possible, I had been working on a homework assignment and…yeah I was carrying a book. You know, I could have just let it go but college textbooks aren’t cheap. If it was the one I was thinking of it was like $200. I couldn’t just leave that behind.
“I…I can come by and get it in an hour,” I said nervously.
“Okay!” Remy said. “I’ll let the girls know you’re stopping by, okay?”
“Okay,” I squeaked. “I’ll uh…see you soon.”
I crawled out of bed and ran to the bathroom. There was no time to shower, I just slathered my makeup on as best I could, though to be honest it was still passable. I got dressed in the same thing I was wearing last night and threw my wig on. It was a little messy so I smoothed it out with my hands. Okay, good, passable. My small frame really helped to lend to the illusion, thank god.
I left my dorm, checking both ways to make sure no one saw me, though I don’t know why I bothered, it wasn’t like anyone knew who I was. Seriously. I was the most unremarkable person in school.
It didn’t take me long to get to the house, it was less than a mile from the dorm. I parked out front and made my way up the front walk, passing under the AG letters affixed to the gable of the house which was flanked by pristine white pillars against a red brick façade. I knocked on the front door and held my breath. I hoped to god they wouldn’t answer. You know, maybe I should have come as myself. I could have been like ‘Yeah, I’m Allison’s boyfriend, I’m here for her book!’. Why didn’t I think of that before? Before I could really bash myself mentally over that, the door opened. A small blonde girl was standing there in a green sundress. She smiled at me.
“Hey, you must be Allison!” She chirped. “Come on in, I have your book here somewhere…”
“Okay,” I said nervously as I followed her in. The place was just as I remembered it, save for the fact that it was nearly empty. I heard a few voices coming from down the hall where the girl was leading me. I gulped. I didn’t want to go any further into the house than I had to. Moments later we passed through a doorway and we were standing in a meeting room. I nearly shit myself. There were like thirty girls in here, all sitting around a U-shaped conference table. Remy was at the head of the table, busy with paperwork of some kind.
“Remy,” The blonde girl said. “Allison is here for her book.”
Remy looked up, her eyes met mine.
“Hi, Allison,” She smiled. For the first time I notice how beautiful she was. She had these deep blue eyes, long brunette hair with a tint of red and her lips…oh god her lips.. They were huge, but the way she’d coated them with a matte lipstick, topped with gloss made her that much more attractive. Her floral tunic top just added to it. “We need to talk.”
“Talk?” I said. I was ready to bolt, but I heard the door shut behind me.
“Have a seat,” She gestured to a lone chair in the center of the room, flanked by both sides of the conference table. “We need to talk about how you lied on your application.”

Synopsis: Alpha Gamma has some tough questions for Miles – will he be able to answer them?

I had a million and one questions running through my mind, honestly. Did they know I wasn’t a real girl? What did they think I’d lied about on my resume? Was I going to get out of this alive? I immediately turned toward the door but the blonde girl was standing in front of it. Okay what was I going to do, throw her like a rag doll and run out? That would go over real well. Well, then again, I’m not the strongest person in the world so she probably could have just smacked me and sent me rolling across the conference room.
“Allison?” Remy said from her seat at the head of the conference table. “We need you to sit down honey. We have to talk.”
I slowly turned back toward the chair. I couldn’t move. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor. What the hell was I supposed to do? It turns out I didn’t have to worry about that; another girl was suddenly on my arm guiding me to the chair. I sat down heavily and stared at the floor. Can a person blush when they’re wearing makeup? I imagined my face lighting up like Rudolph’s nose.
“Look up at me,” Remy said. “I need to make sure you’re paying attention.”
Slowly, very slowly I met her gaze. She and four other girls at the head of the table were glaring into my soul. I felt like…if I had been a real girl this wouldn’t have been nearly as bad but what if they found me out? What if they had already found me out? There was a deafening silence throughout the room as I tried to contend with the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Were they waiting on me to say something?
“Is…is there a problem?” I tried to say it as confidently as I could, but I think it came out as something of a half-whisper and half whatever sound baby birds make when their mother kicks them out of the nest.
“Well,” Remy said as she read through the paper in front of her. I guess it was the application I’d submitted complete with my fake name and apparently my VERY real phone number. “First of all you definitely lied about your major. You have pre-med written down here but you’re definitely a journalism major.”
Oh my god.
“I’m not going to go so far as to say this is a fake name,” The redhead next to her spoke. “But it’s definitely not your legal one.”
I swear to god I’ve never cried in my life but I was caught. They knew who I was, they knew I’d lied to them. I could feel the tears starting to rush from my eyes. Oh god my mascara was going to run.
“I think the question here,” Remy said, staring straight at me, completely unphased by my tears. “Is do you think we’re stupid? Rush is something we put a lot of work into, seriously. If you weren’t serious about it then you took time away from some other girl who could have been talking to us for the sake of your little joke. You thought we wouldn’t see through your act, really? Your makeup is terrible, you’re wearing a long skirt, probably to hide the fact that you don’t shave your legs. Let’s see, what else? Oh, your clothes look like they came from a thrift store and today your wig isn’t even on straight. You don’t act like a woman, you tear through the house like you own the place. You might fool people on the street but I guarantee you you didn’t fool any of the other houses and you definitely didn’t fool us. You know at first I was pretty upset but then we took the phone number you left on your application? Your real one…that you left up there for some reason. Maybe you wanted to get caught, I don’t know. It didn’t take us long to figure out who you were, and we started looking up your online activity.”
As she finished speaking she turned to the girl beside her, another brunette, this one a little shorter and with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
“You visit a lot, and I mean a LOT of transgender forums. I have some trans friends, I talked to them and they were able to confirm that you’re in some of the trans groups they’re in on Facebook. I’m going to be honest here, that’s not the behavior of someone that’s just pulling a prank, unless you wanted a really elaborate cover for…wow, you’ve been in this one group since 2016.”
“So explain,” Remy said to me. The room was silent. Every girl in the chapter was in this room staring at me waiting for their explanation. I guess they deserved it.
“I…” I started to speak but fell silent. I wanted to run but my legs were lead. They weren’t going to let me out of here until they got their answer. “I just…wanted to be a girl for a night, and…I needed to go somewhere people wouldn’t know me.”
“But you feel like you are a girl?” Another girl asked from my left, from another part of the conference table. I nodded, dropping my head again.
“There are a few options here,” Remy said as she shuffled some papers. “You know the current social and political changes have altered the way we do things at our houses. National has been pushing us to be a little more inclusive and honestly, they wanted us to bring a trans girl into the house, discreetly of course. That would depend on a trans girl actually approaching us which you…kind of did at rush even though that definitely wasn’t your intention. I think you planned to never hear from us again which was a mistake on your part, especially if you’re going to leave your real phone number sitting at the top of the application.”
I heard a few giggles from around the room. They thought I was an idiot. Okay I was an idiot.
“I don’t…understand,” I said. “What are you saying?”
She stared at me for a moment and then reached beneath the stack of papers in front of me. She pulled out what looked like a greeting card I guess, it had the house letters for Alpha Gamma embossed on the front and their house logo, or shield or whatever printed on it.
“This is a bid,” Remy said, staring at me very seriously. “You can take it, and live out your dream, or fantasy, whatever it is, or we can go to the dean and tell him about your little prank. The fact is you we need you to look good to national, like we’re actually trying for the whole equality thing. Don’t get me wrong, we’re very inclusive people but this is going to be a lot of work for us. You need us to become who you are, and quite frankly to avoid being expelled.”
“You’re blackmailing me?” I said weakly. It was almost an accusatory tone on my part but let’s be honest, I wasn’t really in a position to be accusing anyone of anything.
“Either you wanted to join us and get the real sorority experience,” Remy said simply. “Or you were just screwing with us and making fun of our house. Which one was it?”
As she said that she nodded toward the bid card that was now sitting at the edge of the table. I think I was still crying. Oh god, what was I supposed to do? I wasn’t ready for this but seriously, what was I even…oh god? I had to make a decision like right now. I felt myself slowly rising on unsteady legs, moving toward the table. Every single eye in the room was on me as I inched forward and finally took the bid card in my hand. My hand was trembling so hard I’m surprised I didn’t drop it. Remy looked straight up at me, a slight grin forming on the corners of her lips. As I took it, she reached for a tablet sitting on the table, an iPad I think. Yeah, it was an iPad. She tapped the screen a few times and then turned it around to me, leaning it up on a sort of stand. On the screen was the Skype logo, it was ringing. Seconds later a woman appeared on the screen, I think she must have been in her thirties with long blonde hair and makeup that put mine to shame any day. She took a moment to look at me, almost as if she was inspecting me and then spoke.
“Hello Miles,” She said in kind of an upbeat but still stern tone. “My name is Amanda Geer, I’m a national representative for Alpha Gamma. I’ve been filled in on your situation and I’m really glad to hear you’ve accepted our offer. We’re all about equality, of course, and I think this will be a great opportunity for both of us.”
How in the hell was I supposed to back out of this? I looked up at Remy as if I was looking for some kind of help. Any kind of help really. She simply pointed at the iPad where I immediately redirected my attention.
“I…thank you,” I croaked.
“Now if we’re going to move forward with this there are a few steps we need to take. First of all as you probably know, we don’t allow pledges to live in Alpha Gamma houses,” I didn’t know that. “But for you an exception will be made. The girls tell me there’s a lot of work to do, and honestly, being a woman is more than just wearing the clothes. We expect you to be a lady and to represent our organization well, do you understand?”
I nodded numbly. Literally was this really happening? Could they really just uproot my entire life like this? I mean I can’t say I didn’t like it a LITTLE but was I about to give up my entire life? Seriously?
“Alright then. There are some conditions you’ll need to abide by while you’re living in the house. First of all, you’re here to learn, not fraternize, so no funny business with anyone in the house. Second, you do as you’re told without question. We follow a tap system, which you’ll become familiar with. If you’re out in public as a pledge doing something that is against our code or morals and one of the sisters sees you, you’ll get a tap on the shoulder. If you get two taps, you come back to the house and wait to be dealt with. For you it goes double, I’m sure you know why.”
I nodded again. She went on for a while longer, filling me in on rules and regulations for this little experiment that I was certain I wasn’t even going to remember. After about half an hour the tablet was put away and I was left alone in the room with the girls. I felt so exposed; I can’t even describe it.
“Is Allison the name you want?” Remy asked, staring at me again. I nodded softly. “Sign these papers then, we’re going to get started.”

Synopsis: The girls of Alpha Gamma instruct Allison in the ways of womanhood – will she survive her first lessons?

When we left that conference room I felt like I was on death row. Pulling up to the house in my car I felt like I’d just been running a stupid errand. I expected them to hand the book to me and I’d be on my merry way. I mean, why not? Now the house felt like an inescapable prison and I was the only inmate. Accompanied by three girls, one on either side of me and one behind, we walked down the hall and emerged into the main room once again.
“Okay so I’m Laura,” The girl from behind said. “This is Michelle and Cassandra. Basically we’re going to be teaching you everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about being a girl.”
“A lady,” Michelle corrected. “She’s going to learn to be a lady.”
“That’s right,” Laura nodded to me. “And at times it’s going to be very difficult. I don’t really care, I mean, you kind of asked for this.”
“Look I’m sorry,” I said. I really was. “I didn’t mean to upset anyon-“
“Nope!” Cassandra said, holding a finger up to my lips. “We’re not playing the excuse game now. We have a LOT to do.”
“Upstairs, please,” Michelle pointed a delicate finger toward the massive staircase and I obediently turned toward it. I took the first step, but I felt a hand on my arm immediately. “Stop. What are you doing?”
“I’m walking up the stairs,” This conversation had just started and I already knew I was about to be exhausted.
“You’re walking up the middle. You remember what we said about you acting like you own the place? You’re a woman now, be small. Move toward the bannister, make yourself as small as possible.”
I complied and moved to the right side, ascending the stairs as they watched.
“Stop,” Michelle said firmly. “Turn around, put your hand on the railing and then walk down.”
I sighed. Hopefully they didn’t notice. I turned and placed a hand on the bannister and started to walk down.
“Slowly,” Michelle said, crossing her arms while the other two girls smirked at me.
I slowed my pace down, taking it one step at a time.
“Okay, open your hand a little bit,” Michelle ordered again “Just barely touch the railing. You’re squeezing it like a dick. Come on. Just caress it. There you go.”
Okay why the hell were we doing this?
“When you walk down the steps,” Laura added. “Put one foot in front of the other, don’t shuffle. You’re a civilized lady.”
“Absolutely,” Cassandra said. “At least once we fix your makeup.”
I finished walking to the bottom of the steps and turned again as Michelle pointed toward the stairs, indicating that I should go back up. So I did. I did it slowly and carefully, putting one foot in front of the other and only gripping the rail lightly. By the time I reached the landing I was completely exhausted; I had no idea that walking up the stairs could be so tiring. They directed me up the steps to the right and we walked across another landing that wrapped around the top of the house. This time I was led into a bedroom, and it had to be the girliest place I’d ever seen in my life. There were two queen size beds, and two makeup vanities packed with brushes, foundations, bronzers, and things I’d never even seen before. They made my collection look like ‘Fischer-Price: My First Makeup Kit”. As soon as we walked in, Cassandra pulled out the chair in front of one of the vanities and pointed to it.
“Sit!” She said in a sort of upbeat but super stern tone. I did as I was told. “Time to see what you look like.”
Laura handed her a makeup wipe and she went to work on my face, not so kindly removing the makeup I’d slathered on just a few hours before. I could feel Laura behind me tugging at my wig.
“Um, you don’t need to use this many bob pins to keep your wig on,” She said as she finally manage to pull it loose. She pulled the wig cap off and began to comb my natural hair, which wasn’t horribly long, it went a little bit past my ears if we’re being honest. I’d been trying to grow it out.
Cassandra finished removing my makeup and I just kind of looked up at her. I felt vulnerable. My mask had been ripped away and they were looking at me, as I really was.
“Question,” Cassandra said. “What’s your cleaning routine after you take your makeup off at night?”
“I…” I stuttered. I had no idea what she was talking about.
“Please tell me you take your makeup off at night,” She stared piercingly at me. I nodded.
“Do you use any kind of facial cleanser?”
“I don’t know what that is,” I admitted.
“It really shows. You need to make sure you’re cleansing your pores you’ll get pimples. No one wants pimples.
“Okay,” Laura said. “Up, out of the chair, it’s time to strip.”
“Strip?” I said nervously. “Like, in front of you?”
“Yes, Allison,” She rolled her eyes. “In front of us, come on.”
I felt like I couldn’t say no at this point even if I wanted to. I stood up and was immediately guided to the center of the room. I hesitated for a moment but I realized that I wasn’t getting out of this, there was no way. I had to do what they said or risk expulsion. Seriously, that wasn’t something I wanted to explain to my mom and sister, both of whom had graduated from Bellcrest. I pulled my top off and revealed my stomach which was a little hairier than I would have liked. I expected them to giggle or make fun of me in some way but they just walked around, like they were inspecting me. As I dropped my skirt, Cassandra stepped forward and reached inside my bra, pulling out the silicone breast forms that were loosely shoved inside. She held them in her hand and looked at them.
“Did you get these on Amazon or something?” She kind of smirked. I nodded. “They’re cool but they don’t match your skin. We can do better than that. National put aside a budget for us for this project so we can get you set up.”
Great, they were going to pay for this. I was going to be indebted to them. I sighed internally; maybe I should just go along with the ride. Let’s be honest here, how much time had I spent fantasizing about something like this happening? Probably way too much. Reality was so much different.
“They’ll have to do for now,” Laura said. “There’s a place that sells prosthetics in town, we can go there tomorrow.”
“Yeah alright, take the bra off,” Cassandra conceded. Suddenly I stood there naked before them like a specimen on display. Laura fetched a measuring tape and measured practically every inch of me while I just stood there squeezing my eyes shut. I heard Michelle giggle a little bit.
“Got her sizes,” Laura said. “We can work with this. About that frame though…you look too masculine. We’ve gotta get you to the gym.”
“And a nutritionist,” Michelle added. “We have GOT to put her on a diet.”
“Okay, so what first then?” Laura mused. “Body hair has to go first I guess.”
“No what has to go first is these CLOTHES,” Cassandra pointed at the pile of clothes at my feet. I resented that; it was one of my favorite skirts.
“Uh the top yeah,” Laura nodded. “Maybe keep the skirt, it’s just a pain black one, can always use that for something.”
“But it’s so long,” Cassandra argued. “Like, are we teaching her to be a lady or a cult member?”
Laura snickered.
“Okay but still, put it off to the side,” She giggled.
“Okay,” Cassandra said. “We have a salon we go to that’s run by an AG alumni, I’m sure she’ll love this. She can wax the crap out of you and then we can get that out of the way. So…let’s get you dressed.”
They ended up putting me back in my long skirt because my legs were just too hairy for anything else. Instead of my loose top though, they put me in this wrap-around tunic that tied in the back. It was lower cut than mine but it was flowy and still hid the breast forms. Cassandra did my makeup and put the wig back on my head. It felt really, really firm this time – better than any thing I’d ever done with it. She turned me around and let me look at myself in the mirror before we left. They were right about my makeup skills. I thought I was good but they were light years ahead of me; I couldn’t even see any hints of masculinity. I smiled to myself, at least on the inside.
I was quickly ushered outside and down the front walk. I saw my own car sitting, right where I had left it and kind of sighed. A few hours ago I was a free…person driving down the street in that thing. Now I was…well whatever I was now. We climbed into a different car this time, I guess it was Laura’s. I was directed into the back seat of the two-door car. We had to squeeze behind the seat; I kind of hated that. It meant I couldn’t get out of the car until they allowed it. Kind of an analogy for my life right now.
We only drove for about ten minutes but Laura insisted on blaring the radio the entire way. Freaking Miley Cyrus. Seriously. Just as I thought my head was about to explode she pulled into a parking spot and switched the radio off. Immediately the world made sense again and I gladly climbed out of the back seat with Michelle’s help. I tripped and stumbled a little bit on the way, and Michelle chided me about it.
We crossed the parking lot with Michelle correcting my form every five seconds, or so it seemed, but we finally made it to the door of the salon and piled in. I was stuck between Laura and Michelle while Cassandra spoke to the receptionist at the front desk. She made the appointment and I was directed to a seat in the waiting room, flanked by Laura and Michelle on either side. Laura reached to the coffee table in front of us and handed me a copy ‘Seventeen’ magazine.
“Educational reading,” She smirked. She looked at me until I opened it and started reading. Satisfied, she began scrolling on her phone. I thought reading the magazine was going to be torture but as I got into some of the articles it really wasn’t that bad. I was halfway through a really interesting one when I was finally called back.
A few moments later I was ushered into a room with Laura by my side. We were met by a black haired woman about my height and wearing a pair of scrubs, like a doctor but…not I guess.
“Hey Laura,” She grinned widely. “I just worked on you last week, aren’t you back a little early?”
“A little yeah,” She laughed. “This is Allison, um, formerly Miles. She’s pledging Alpha Gamma as part of our new equality program.”
“Wow,” The woman nodded, looking me over. “You guys did a good job, I wouldn’t have known at all. Well anyway, my name is Lucy, former AG, and I take care of you girls. At a pretty steep discount I might add. Why don’t you get undressed and lay down on the table. What are we doing today?”
“Pretty much everything,” Laura said. “We have GOT to do something about those legs. I can see some chest hairs coming through too, even though she just shaved.”
“Well,” Lucy said as I undressed and laid on the table like a cadaver on the slab. “She’ll need a touch up every three weeks but that’s about it really. I can give a good recommendation for a laser hair removal specialist for the face too…I’ll get the card after we finish.”
“Sounds good,” Laura nodded. I just laid there staring at the ceiling. Could we get this over with?
Lucy proceeded to use some kind of wooden stick, like a tongue depressor to spread wax on my chest. She then pulled out a piece of white paper, a waxing strip I guess. Quickly, she laid it on my chest and smoothed it out with her hands.
“Okay,” She said. “One, two—”
Before she finished counting to three she tore the strip from my chest. I screamed. I mean I really screamed. I sat up on the table like a resurrected corpse and gripped both sides of the table like my life depended on it.
“Lay down!” Laura said, laughing as she took both of my shoulders in her hands and pulled me back down onto the table.
“Okay next,” Lucy said as she spread more wax on me and did the exact same thing in another spot. I screamed again, and again, and again. The people in the waiting room probably thought someone was being murdered in here.
“You know if you kept up on this it wouldn’t hurt as bad,” Laura lectured.
“How was I supposed to keep up on it?” I demanded. “I didn’t know --- AHHHHHHH!”
“Tsk tsk,” Laura waved a finger. “I don’t want to hear excuses I want to see results, pledge.”
“You know what,” I said angrily “I’m going to show you AHHHHHHHH GOD WHAT THE HELL?!”
“No cursing, pledge,” Laura smirked at me. “It’s unbecoming of a lady.”
“No, hell no,” I said. “You can’t tell me how to AHHHH! STOP THAT!”
“We’re just starting on the legs now,” Lucy informed me. “Don’t worry, we still have your whole other side. We’ll have to flip you over with a giant spatula.”
“I swear to god-“ I muttered.
The whole thing took about two hours of me laying there screaming and Laura just laughing at me. I wasn’t just angry, I was utterly humiliated. I couldn’t argue with the end result though. My legs were smooth, the rest of my body felt amazing. Laura helped me into my clothes, and they felt completely different against my body.
“Now,” Laura said. “We can get you a shorter skirt.”

Synopsis: Allison learns more about Alpha Gamma and the story takes a surprising twist.

“Okay so I notice something,” Laura said as we walked back into the house. Okay, rather as I limped back into the house. “When Lucy was waxing you I got a look at your feet and you have like, a nasty case of athlete’s foot.”
“What seriously?!” Cassandra exclaimed, grabbing me by the shoulder and turning me around to face her. “Do you not know how to take care of yourself? Like at ALL?”
“I…” I started to speak but they were talking about me again like I wasn’t even there. Jeez.
“I have a pumice stone I haven’t opened yet,” Michelle offered. What the hell was a pumice stone?
“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea,” Casandra nodded. “I think we should get started on that like, right now. It’s going to bug me. We should get it done before she goes to class on Monday anyway. I mean what if we want her to wear strappy sandals or something?”
Wait. Class? I was going to go to class dressed like this? Seriously?
“That reminds me!” Laura said. “We need your school ID; I have to go talk to the dean later about changing your name for class and stuff.”
“What…what do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“I mean if you’re going to go to class, as a girl, then your name needs to be Allison for attendance purposes. You don’t want them to call out ‘Miles’ when they do attendance or call on you in class, right?”
You know, up until this point I thought that I was only going to be dressed as a girl when I was in the house. Going out in public was easy enough, because I passed – or at least I thought I did, but hey, they’d shown me pretty good, hadn’t they?
“I don’t know…” I started stammering. “I mean…”
“You mean nothing,” Laura said sternly. “You’re doing this. Don’t worry, a sister will be with you at all times. We checked your class schedule, we have people in like every one of them. You’re going to be fine.”
A sister would be with me all the time? ALL the time? Seriously? Was I ever going to get any time to myself? No. The answer was probably no.
“Come on,” Cassandra said. “Upstairs, we’re going to get a look at those feet. Hey, remember what I told you about walking up the steps.”
I remembered, and I tried to do it as best I could. I messed up a few times and she would make me walk back down, starting over and walking back up the steps, slowly. Finally, we made it up, and this time they led me to the bathroom. Okay, this bathroom was big. Really big. It looked like you could have fit ten people in here. Marble floors, full length mirrors, a glass enclosed shower, storage cabinets for days. It was like being in a hotel bathroom but better.
Cassandra immediately pointed to a chair beside the shower and instructed me to sit. I did.
“Shoes off,” She said, towering over me with her hands on her hips. Once again I obeyed and she grabbed my leg by the ankle and lifted it up so she could see. “Oh my god, what have you been doing to your feet? It’s like…have you been pumicing with a cheese grater?”
She suddenly poked a part of my foot with her finger and I winced. I didn’t realize they could hurt like that. What was she doing? She hadn’t even touched it that hard.
“Does it hurt to walk?” Laura asked me, looking over my feet.
“I mean…sometimes?” I said. I thought about it, yeah, sometimes it did hurt to walk but it was something I had gotten used to.
“Okay so this is something we have to take care of like, right now,” Cassandra said. “Michelle, where’s that pumice stone?”
“Right here,” Michelle handed her what looked like a brown spongy rock wrapped in plastic. Cassandra tore the plastic off and Laura filled a tub of water, which they set at my feet.
“Normally I’d just have you do this yourself,” Cassandra said, her eyes meeting mine. “But since you’ve never done it before…”
She pulled my feet down, placing them in the water. They let them soak for about ten minutes, chatting amongst themselves about various things while they waited for…whatever it was they were waiting for. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on being anywhere but here. Being here I guess was…cool. Really cool. How many guys would love to be in my situation? I was inside a sorority house getting all this attention but…it was going to come with a price. I was going to be in public as a girl all the time. I would have to go to class like this. Was I even going to be able to handle it? Oh my god, was I? It might be a few days off but it was closer than I liked.
“Are you sleeping over there?” Laura poked me. I opened my eyes and shook my head.
“Don’t worry, if she was, she won’t be in a minute,” Cassandra took a seat on the side of the tub next to me. It was one of those cast iron tubs, separate from the shower, so even though she was sitting she was still a little bit taller than me. She took the stone and dipped it in the water, then took my left foot in her hand. I suddenly felt Laura’s hands on my shoulders, she was kind of pushing, no, holding me. What? Why? Cassandra suddenly took the stone to my foot and began to scrub. It didn’t hurt at first, but after a minute there was this burning sensation as she scrubbed harder and harder. I could feel pieces of dead skin tearing off. I tried to squirm a bit but Laura held my shoulders tightly. So that’s why she was there. Suddenly, Cassandra moved the pumice stone to the sole of my foot, nearest the toes. I screamed as she ground down on it. I mean I really screamed, probably louder than I had at the salon. It wasn’t an angry scream this time though, I was in pain, and it hurt even more as she moved up and worked on my toes. I was just sitting in the chair screaming and thrashing like a death row inmate on the electric chair.
“Stop stop stop!” I screamed. I think I was crying. Cassandra slowed down a little bit and looked at me.
“You ever consider actually taking care of your feet?” She asked me condescendingly. “Maybe if you did…”
“Please stop,” I sobbed. “It hurts.”
“It’s not going to kill you,” Michelle rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine.”
Cassandra went back to work, rubbing the stone between my toes, and I continued to scream, and cry, and do all sorts of things that probably destroyed every shred of manhood that I had left if I ever had any. It didn’t take long for a few girls to come into the bathroom to see what was going on.
“What are you doing to her?” A short redhead asked as she poked her head in and looked. “Oh…that bad huh?”
“Yeah, see this is what I’m concerned about,” Cassandra said, looking at the girl and pointing to a spot on my heel. She pressed on it and I could feel a little bit of pain. “When we get down here she’s really going to scream.
“Cassandra,” I gasped. “Please, please let’s stop.”
My pleas fell on deaf ears as she worked her way down my foot, scraping away dead skin with Laura leaning down on me. I didn’t stand a chance. I tried to pull my foot away from her at least ten times but her grip was so strong.
“See this?” Michelle pointed, at me, looking at the girls who were now gathering in the bathroom to watch the show. “This is why we’re okay with her living in the house.”
“No kidding,” Another girl said. “If she tried to pull anything, we could just take her out with a pumice stone.”
Oh my god this was humiliating.
Cassandra suddenly let go of my foot, dropping it into the water. Thank god, we were done.
“Okay,” She said with a smile. “Other foot.”
After twenty minutes of screaming and crying, she let go of my feet and dried them with a towel. I limped out of the bathroom with Laura guiding me. It was kind of like the walk of shame with fifteen girls standing in the bathroom and out in the hallway giggling as I walked by. Were they having fun torturing me? Probably. Back in the bedroom Cassandra showed me how to rub lotion on my feet and then put a pair of pink fuzzy socks on me. Despite all of the pain I’d been in a few minutes before I actually felt pretty good now. My feet felt really, really clean. Cleaner than they had in a long time.
“Come on, there’s something I want to show you,” Laura said, offering me her hand and pulling me up off the bed. She didn’t make me put shoes on, thank god. She led me down the hallway and down the stairs. We ended up in the front room, and she walked me behind the stairs, into another hallway. How big was this house? The room we ended up in was a trophy room. There were dozens of trophies in glass cases for everything from cheerleading, to volleyball, to soccer. It was huge, and there were still a few empty cases. One wall was covered with plaques, each one filled with nameplates and a year.
“Every sister who was a part of our house and graduated from Bellcrest,” Laura told me. Okay, it was cool to look at, but why was she showing me?
“Hey there, showing her the trophy room?” I turned around. Remy was standing there dressed casually this time in a pair of jeans and a pink hoodie that actually said ‘Pink’ across the front of it in huge block letters.
“Yeah, I figured it was a good time, I just watched Cassandra torture her with a pumice stone,” Laura snickered.
“I heard about that,” Remy laughed. “Okay rather I HEARD that. Girl you are LOUD.”
I blushed. I felt so weak in front of them. I know that technically I was a girl, at least on the inside, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to be stronger somehow, because I was a man. I wasn’t stronger. I was absolutely at their mercy and it felt terrifying. Remy was someone I had seen before around campus and I’d always seen her as a sort of happy go lucky type of girl. She seemed so harmless. Now she seemed anything but harmless. She held my entire future in her hands and she was so…intimidating. The same went for Laura. I was slowly beginning to realize that I was absolutely, positively not in control here. I had nothing.
“We’re going to go by your dorm to clear it out later,” Remy said. “I went ahead and talked to the dean. We’re going to get you a new school ID and we’ve already killed the lease on your dorm room. I guess you paid a year in advance so you’ll be refunded.”
“You killed the lease?” I repeated back to her. “That’s my…”
“Not your home anymore,” Remy said. “You live here in this house. Don’t tell me about how you never asked for it, I don’t care. We put thousands of dollars into rush. The food, the decorations, the permits, you have no idea. You chose to be a part of it, and yeah, a girl can usually reject a bid but what you did was literally against school rules. Not to mention it pissed off the entire Greek system. Well, at least our side of it.”
“W…wait what do you mean?” I asked shakily. “What do you mean the entire Greek system?”
“Every sorority you visited during rush,” Remy said, moving toward me and maintaining eye contact. “Like I told you, you didn’t fool them. Even if your looks were on point…barely, you still act very male. Your mannerisms gave you away and it’s pretty much all they’ve been talking about. I talked to the president of Delta Epsilon Theta and she said she was about to throw you out the front window.”
“I…why didn’t they?” I asked.
“Because no one wants to make a scene at rush,” Laura explained. “Technically you weren’t hurting anything, it was just annoying.”
“So,” Remy said. “We knew you were coming, I talked to you and you seemed okay. That’s when I decided to look into you a bit more. You’re kind of geeky but otherwise unremarkable. You should be able to make the transition pretty smoothly.”
My god, they had me figured out from the first second I’d walked in. I hadn’t stood a chance. Hell they knew before I’d walked into the house.
“I want to show you something,” Laura said, pointing at one of the plaques. It was the 2016 plaque. Four years ago. She tapped it to get my attention until I finally walked over. “Read the names.”
I started at the top. There were thirty names on here, so it was going to take a while. I read down, muttering each name as I went until finally I came to the one that made my heart practically stop. Brianna Parsons.
My sister.
My sister had been an Alpha Gamma.

Synopsis: Allison learns the consequences of being a legacy and goes shopping for the first time.

My stomach was in knots. I slowly turned from the plaque to face Remy and Laura, both of whom were regarding me with serious looks.
“I…I didn’t know,” I stammered.
“Yeah I find that really interesting,” Remy said, stepping toward me and maintaining eye contact. “Because this house was a big part of her life, you know she was the external vice president? Did she never talk about it?”
“I…maybe she did?” I said. I was so confused. “I don’t know.”
“Or maybe you were too focused on yourself to listen to what your own sister was saying when she talked?” Laura suggested. “Like we keep telling you, typical male behavior. You might be a girl on the inside, but you have a LOT of things to unlearn. Including that.”
“Oh by the way, if you look far enough back, up there,” Remy said pointing toward the plaques that were higher up. “You’ll find your mother’s name too.”
“And your grandmother,” Laura added.
“The point we’re trying to make here is that you have a responsibility,” Remy said. “We didn’t bring you into our house because we felt sorry for you, or JUST because National is pushing for equality. Yeah that’s a part of it but hm…let me put this in a way you can understand. Your family has always been a huge part of this house. Do you understand what it means to be a part of a Greek house exactly? It’s something to brag about. It’s something that you put on a resume. Your entire family has those bragging rights, they have that prestige, they used their time here to prove that they were qualified for the top jobs. Your sister is a chemical engineer for a top oil company, your mother is the vice president of a multimillion-dollar corporation. You can bet they put Alpha Gamma on their resume. Their legacy affects our legacy, we have bragging rights because they were so successful. Then here you come, using our rush to get your fix, or whatever it was you were doing. Every. Single. House. Every one of them that you visited knows who you are, they know your family, they know your legacy. Do you know how that reflects on us? Do you know how that reflects on your family? We took you in because we take care of our own here but also because you were about to turn us into a laughing stock.”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. I think I was starting to cry again. “I didn’t know. I really didn’t know, I’m so sorry…”
“I bet you are,” Laura walked around me to join Remy in staring at me judgmentally. “But sorry doesn’t get you out of it. You weren’t ready to come out of the closet yet, we get that. Maybe you weren’t ready to show the world who you were but guess what? We weren’t ready for you to sucker punch us with that crap you pulled on Rush night. We weren’t ready for you to soil our entire legacy.”
“You’re not going to tell them, are you?” I asked, indicating my mom and sister. They couldn’t know about this, ever.
“Bitch, they already know,” Remy rolled her eyes.
“What?!” I shrieked. “No, no, that’s not possible!”
“We called National as soon as we figured out who you were. They called your mom and sister. We talked to them this morning on a conference call, at like six in the morning,” Remy was really talking down to me now. “Finding out you’re transgender, that didn’t phase her much. Your sister didn’t really bat an eye either. It took them by surprise but they weren’t upset. Finding out you rushed their house with a fake name and lied your ass off? That pissed them off. So this whole thing takes another surprising twist, you ready for this?”
I stared at her, my mouth agape. What was even happening here?
“Your mom doesn’t really want to speak to you right now, so she told us to tell you that she’ll continue to pay for your education if you continue to pledge to this sorority, AND do as good a job of it as the rest of the women in your family have.”
I collapsed. I literally just fell and slammed my butt onto the floor, my back against the wall. The room was spinning. I gripped the hardwood floor with the tips of my fingers. I wanted to run, I wanted to puke, I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. I wanted to do so many things. Oh god. What had I gotten myself into? I squeezed my eyes shut, and then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw both Remy and Laura crouching next to me.
“Allison,” Remy said softly. “You messed up, but we cleaned up your mess. We did our part but now you have to do yours. You need to honor your pledge, you need to be an upstanding member of this house. You don’t have to like, become the external VP or anything, but you do need to honor your legacy. We’re going to be there for you every step of the way. Trust me, we would NOT do this for just anyone. Your success is just as important to us as it is to you and we’re going to take care of you, do you understand?”
I nodded slowly. I could feel tears dripping onto my chest as they rushed down my face and splattered against bare skin. My legs were a tangled mess in front of me. I couldn’t believe this was happening, at all. I couldn’t believe this was even POSSIBLE. I had made such a huge mistake and now my future, my family’s name, all of it was intertwined with the Alpha Gamma house. If I messed this up it would reflect poorly on my family, I would be expelled, how could I even go home again?
“Now, all that aside,” Laura said as she helped me to my feet. “Tomorrow we have a meet and greet for the pledges, after which we’ll drop by your dorm and clear it out. We have a lot of stuff to go through obviously. I want to see what kind of feminine clothes you have, and obviously we need to get rid of your male clothes.”
“All of them?” I asked timidly.
“You’re a girl now,” Remy said firmly. “Whether you wanted it this soon or not. Time to deal with it. We need to take you out now, get you an outfit for tomorrow evening.”
I nodded. I was so numb. I barely registered walking out of the trophy room and getting into the car. Remy drove us to a nearby mall, a huge mall. I think it took us five minutes to walk from the car to the front door, and as we passed through the airlock I was immediately intimidated by the number of people who could see me dressed like this. Laura must have sense my hesitation.
“Just keep walking,” She whispered into my ear. “No one is paying attention to you.”
“Hey before we do clothes let’s get her some makeup,” Remy suggested. “We’ve already figured out her colors and there’s a Sephora over there.”
“She needs like, everything,” Laura said as we walked toward the Sephora on the other side of a huge marble fountain. I tried to concentrate on the sound of running water and the millions of voices and conversations going on around me. Above us, natural light shone through the glass ceiling, tinted blue and bathing the marble beneath our feet. It felt so amazing, so organic, and I walked through it all dressed as a woman, as myself. Did anyone notice? Was anyone looking at me? It didn’t seem like it. We passed out of the natural light and into the Sephora. I hadn’t seen anything like this before; I’d ordered all of my makeup online and I didn’t even know a place like this existed. I simply followed Laura and Remy around, watching them talk about foundations, brushes, and lipsticks. They grabbed items, tossing them into a plastic cart as they went. Foundation, a brush set, bronzer, concealer, things I didn’t even know existed. At the end they grabbed a vinyl makeup bag for me to keep all of it in and set it up on the counter.
“Okay,” The sales lady said with a smile. “With your discount it’s…$716 and 32 cents. Will you be paying with cash or credit?”
Holy. Shit.
Remy handed them a credit card. I really hoped the sorority was paying for this. I didn’t have much time to think about it as they ushered me out of the store and further into the mall. We rode up an escalator and walked past a huge gondola of plants. I glanced at the Gamestop – a store I would have gone into in another life. Laura noticed me staring at the store.
“You’re not going to have time for games for a while,” She said. “We have a LOT of work to do.”
They pushed me through about three different clothing stores, talking amongs themselves, and buying way more clothes than I had anticipated. Dresses, skirts, underwear, we even started looking at shoes. They picked out a pair of black pumps for me and had me try on a few different flats.
“We’ve gotta replace those ugly flats you’ve been wearing,” Laura had said to me. “They look like something you dug out of the eighties.”
I blushed. I really liked those flats. Was everything I liked just terrible? At some point I was being shoved into a dressing room with Remy standing in front of the door, arms crossed and staring me down with every outfit I tried on. Some of them she approved of, others she had me put back onto hangars and place on a rack at the far side of the room. They had picked so many outfits and I had to try them all on. It was like running a marathon. Occasionally she would tell me to try a top with a different skirt, or to try a top tucked in instead of pulled out. Exhausted, I started to slow down again, but she snapped her fingers and told me to hurry up. I had no control over my life anymore. I eventually had a ton of clothes, and I felt like I knew every single piece intimately at this point, even the ones that we left behind in the dressing room. Completely spent, I exited the dressing room, the clothes draped over my arm and weighing me down.
“Welcome back, how was Narnia?” Laura teased as I stumbled out.
“Huh?” I guess the joke went way over my head.
“We’ve gotta get you another wig soon,” Remy remarked. “It’s not a bad one, that’s why we’ve let you keep it, but I was thinking about doing a weave or something.”
“A weave would be good,” Laura nodded as we checked out and I watched Remy pay another stroke-inducing amount of money on my behalf. “You wouldn’t have to worry about the weight of the wig on your head and it would frame your face a lot better.”
“Framing is everything,” Remy confirmed. “We can contour all we want but at the end of the day your hair is going to make all the difference.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “What’s a weave?”
“It’s like hair extensions but they’re sewn in to your natural hair. It’s a little expensive but not too bad really, considering. Maintenance is a bit high but hey, we have a budget for you and…I know you have money.”
“Okay we have really got to get back to the house,” Remy said as we reached her car and climbed in. The interior was hot, really hot.
“Yep,” Laura said. “Hey Allison, you ready to help us get set up for the party tomorrow?”
I really wasn’t ready.

Synopsis: Allison is introduced to the other pledges and she has an unexpected visitor.

It was Sunday afternoon, the house was all set up, almost like it had been during rush. I had helped, a lot. Maybe more than I should have? I just knew I was exhausted from the previous night; we’d stayed up until four in the morning cooking, cleaning, and making the house absolutely perfect. I’d finally been allowed to sleep and hadn’t even made it up to my room, I’d awakened this morning on a couch in the lounging area with Laura nudging me to open my eyes. Cassandra applied my makeup, assuring me she’d teach me how to do it myself when it was less important. Now pledges were piling through the front door, talking laughing, smiling. They knew they belonged here; I didn’t feel the same way. I felt out of place, I was terrified to talk to anyone. I was pretty grateful that I was unremarkable, with my neatly combed wig, and a simple blue dress that was low cut, but not so much that it revealed the breast forms that still hadn’t been replaced.
“Hi,” A girl said to me. I jumped about ten feet in the air. She was a cute nerdy kind of girl but still way, way out of my league. I don’t think we were even playing all on the same continent. “I’m Veronica.”
“I…hi,” Responded smiling sheepishly. I had no idea what to say. She had this long black hair, it went down maybe an inch past her shoulders, perfect skin and these black cat eyed glasses that kind of made her look like a sexy librarian.
“Are you okay?” She looked at me intently. “You’re nervous aren’t you. Me too, it’s my first time doing anything like this.”
“Oh yeah,” I said, my eyes wide as dinner plates and my hands shaking. “Uh…me too.”
“Wow you’re really strung out,” She laughed. “Calm down, you made it, it’s going to be okay!”
“I guess I did,” I laughed. I was starting to calm down a bit but at the back of my mind I couldn’t help but wonder how it would turn out if she knew what I was.
“What’s your major?” She asked curiously. “Me? I’m taking social work; I REALLY want to work with non-profits like the ACLU or Human Rights Campaign…one day anyway.”
Okay maybe she’d be fine.
“I’m majoring in Journalism,” I said, hoping my female voice was up to par. She didn’t seem phased so maybe I was fooling her after all. “I kind of want to be a reporter, that would be cool, right? Maybe a news anchor or a war correspondent.”
She nodded. We talked a bit more after that and then we moved on. I talked to a few other girls and was starting to feel more comfortable, finally.
“Hey. How are you fitting in?” Remy walked up me and asked.
“I’m really nervous,” I admitted. “I don’t…really think I fit in here.”
“Everyone here is really nervous,” She reassured me. “I’m about to do an announcement, we’ll do the ceremony and then we’ll go clear your dorm out, okay? Then you can get some rest. It’ll be fine.”
“Remy,” I said, trying my best to make eye contact with her and failing miserably. “I can’t do this, I’m…not a real girl.’
She sighed.
“Look,” She said firmly. “You think I’m not apprehensive about this whole thing? I have nothing against trans people, I really don’t, but I didn’t want to go through the hell of trying to integrate one into my house. You know why I like you? Because you’re terrified, and you’ll do whatever I want. That’s why I feel safe with you in the house. Is that messed up? A little, but this is my house and whatever makes me comfortable is what I like. Now, you keep shaking like a leaf and concentrating on your impending doom and I’ll get this show on the road. Deal?”
“Deal,” I tried to smile but it just came out as some sort of half-grin. She shook her head and made her way to the stairs where she stood two heads above everyone and clinged a champagne glass with a fork.
“Attention everyone!” She called out. “My name is Remy, I’m the Alpha Gamma president and it’s SO nice to see all of you new pledges here today! We’re going to get the ceremony underway here in a minute and we’ll get to the pinning. As you know, we put a heavy emphasis on sisterhood and in the coming days you will all get to know eachother. Before that, there is one little matter I want to bring to your attention. As we’ve told you probably a million and one times before, Alpha Gamma might be the oldest sorority on campus but we pride ourselves on being progressive. That being said, tonight I want welcome our first transgender pledge into our midst.”
I think I choked my entire heart up. I hadn’t been expecting this; why hadn’t she told me?! Oh my god! From the back of the crowd my eyes met hers, I violently shook my head and she kind of smiled at me. All around me I could hear muttering. What were they saying? What was going to happen? What if they didn’t like me? There was so much riding on this, my entire family would disown me, seriously.
“I know this is a bit sudden,” Remy said, surveying the reactions of the crowd in front of her. “But I want to assure you that we have carried out a thorough background check, and to make it even better she’s a legacy, going back many generations with Alpha Gamma. It’s kind of a pilot program. I’m going to need all of your help to make this work. If you see her doing something wrong, correct her. If she’s struggling with something, help her. There’s a lot more to being a woman than just dressing the part, you all know it.
A girl near the front raised her hand.
“So you’re saying there’s a guy in the sorority?” She asked somewhat curiously, partly accusing. the others around her murmured in agreement. You know, maybe if the other members decided that they weren’t comfortable having me here I could just leave and that would be that. It wouldn’t be my fault, I tried, right?
“I think when you see her you’re going to agree that she’s not a guy,” Remy reassured them. “I also want you to know that she’s not just running around loose doing whatever she wants. She’s very carefully monitored and she lives as a woman 24/7. She’s no threat to any of us. Earlier today she was almost killed by a pumice stone.”
The tension in the room was broken up by what I can only describe as hysterical laugher. I rolled my eyes.
“So where is she?” Another girl asked. They began looking around, trying to figure out where I was. Jesus, they couldn’t even see me and I was standing right here in the crowd. Remy cleared her throat, all eyes went to her again.
“Allison, would you come up here please?”
A few of the girls who had talked to me earlier turned to look at me. Veronica especially. She looked at me wide-eyed as if she couldn’t believe it. I pursed my lips and made my way slow and steadily toward the stairs where Remy stood. She extended an arm and welcomed me up onto the steps beside her. I nervously looked out at the faces in the crowd. Some looked curious, others concerned, others a bit worried.
“Everyone,” Remy said. “This is Allison. Some of you have already met her. She’s a journalism major here at Bellcrest and we’d like to welcome her as a sister here—”
Remy stopped suddenly. It wasn’t hard to guess why. I’d lost my footing and sat down on the steps, pretty suddenly with my head in my hands.
“Um, Allison?” A girl at the front of the crowd came forward and crouched down , touching my knee. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t respond, I just sat there holding my head hoping it would all just go away. They hated me. They had to hate me.
“Okay,” Another girl said, coming forward. “Just breathe, we’re all sisters here, right?”
“Come on, pick yourself up,” Veronica took my hands and started to pull me from the steps. “You’re one of us, alright?”
Was I really one of them? Were they really going to accept me? Could they even do that? I suddenly fell forward into Veronica’s arms, she hugged me as I stood there, me eyes closed, drinking in the darkness and wishing it would last forever.
“Ladies,” Remy said. “We have an initiation ceremony to get to, so why don’t we all move to the living room.
I was finally forced to move and Remy directed us all to the living room which was huge with the couches removed. Laura stood at the front and told us to form two lines facing eachother, we did. There was about four feet of space between us, and Remy led us in a sort of responsive reading where we declared our loyalty to Alpha Gamma. After that, the officers, Laura and Remy included began moving down the line. At each girl they would stop, and the pledge would say the words: “I pledge my life, soul, and loyalty to the service of Alpha Gamma.” And it would be met with: “I accept your pledge and welcome you into this sisterhood.”
Did I really want to be here? Did I really want to be doing this? It was going to be my turn soon. I closed my eyes again and started breathing heavily. I felt the girl next to me squeeze me hand. I turned to look, it was someone I hadn’t met yet. She smiled warmly at me and I kind of smiled back. An officer came to her, said the pledge, and moved on. Had I just been skipped? Did they forget about me? Thank god. No such luck. One of the officers came and stood in front of me. I couldn’t even look at her. Instead I just recited the pledge, sort of muttering it.
“I…I pledge my life, soul, and loyalty to the service of Alpha Gamma,” I said as quickly as I could, trying to sound feminine without my voice cracking.
“I accept your pledge, and welcome you into this sisterhood,” She responded to me. That voice. It sounded so…familiar. I looked up slowly and my fear quickly melted away into absolute horror. It was my sister.

Synopsis: Allison confronts her big sister and purges her old life

The ceremony ended, I looked down at my chest, touching the pink and white pin that my sister had attached to the collar of my dress. It was all so surreal, I can’t even begin to describe it. I spotted my sister in the crowd, talking to Remy and Laura. Of course she would be talking to the president and vice president. Why wouldn’t she be? I looked around at the rest of the girls, they were all so happy, laughing, talking…was I allowed to be that happy?

“Hey!” Veronica came up to me and gave me a quick hug. “How does it feel? Is it as great as you thought it would be?”

“I…” I started to say.

“Of course,” She smiled. “You’re overwhelmed, why wouldn’t you be. It’s like a dream come true, huh?”

It was, but it was still so…

“Pledge Allison!” My sister cut through the crowd and confronted me. “Join me please.”

She looked at me expectantly, her voice cut through the room so sharply that the girls around me literally parted like the red sea; she was nothing like I remembered.

“Uh, are you in trouble?” Veronica asked me.

I nodded.

“Yeah.” My sister continued to look at me expectantly. I could tell her patience was wearing thin. I made my way over to her and I fully expected to be chewed out on the spot, but instead she placed her hand in the small of my back and led me to the conference room where I’d first met my fate the day before.

“Come on,” She said softly, taking me to the back wall where the Greek AG letters stood affixed to the wood paneling. “Stand here, put your arm around me, like that, yeah.”

A second later, Remy walked into the room holding a camera.

“You guys ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” My sister said, sounding exasperated.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Smile for the camera, pledge,” She said. “Mom wants a picture and this is a day you’re going to want to remember anyway.”

I really didn’t think I’d want to remember this but I smiled anyway and Remy snapped the picture.

“Okay,” My sister, Brianna said as she stepped away from me. “We have a few hours left and we need to get over to your dorm. We’re going to take my car, Laura and Cassandra will follow us. They’ll be able to handle the packing. You’re still in single room one, right?”

I nodded. She wasn’t exactly being nice, she sounded rushed. Like she wanted to get this over with. She still hadn’t yelled at me; what was going on? She took my hand and squeezed it softly, guiding me out of the conference room and through the crowd in the common room. We passed through the front door, down the walk and she held her car door open for me, gesturing at me to get in. Once I was seated she closed the door and walked around to the other side, starting the engine and pulling out into the street.

We passed the ride in silence, the full fifteen minutes to my dorm. We walked in silence from the car to the elevator, meeting Laura and Cassandra outside my old room. They’d somehow managed to get there first.

“We ready?” Laura asked, rubbing her arms. It was always a little bit cold in this hallway.

“Yeah,” Brianna nodded. She reached into her purse and pulled out a room key. My dorm room key. Not a copy, my specific key. Of course, they had all the stuff I’d brought with me to the AG house. “Let’s go.”

We walked into the room and Laura flipped the light on. It was like walking into mausoleum. I didn’t have much stuff but it was like a monument to who I used to be just a few days ago. Brianna had just dropped me off here a week ago; I’d flown in from Washington State and she lived like fifteen minutes from the school. It was all very convenient until now.

“Sit on the bed,” Brianna pointed toward my bed which had been perfectly made up before I left. I was particular about keeping clean.

“Don’t I need to help?” I started to ask. She pointed again and shook her head. As I sat on the bed, Cassandra and Laura located the suitcases I’d brought with me when I moved in and began packing. Sitting there with my feet dangling over the edge and my hands on the mattress behind me for support, Brianna began to walk back and forth, looking me over as if she were inspecting me. She brought her hand to her face and placed a finger on her chin as she walked around and looked at me from behind. Finally she walked back around and towered over me.

“There are…acceptable ways to come out as transgender to your family,” She said, looking directly at me and crossing her arms. You could have come to us in person or sent an e-mail. Something like ‘Hey mom, hey Brianna, I think I might be a girl trapped in a boy’s body’. Maybe you could have baked a cake and written it out in icing. That would have been cool. I love cake, Allison. Oh, did you ever consider a singing telegram? Anything, ANYTHING would have been better than rushing our old sorority in bad drag and telling a bunch of lies.”

“I’m really sorry,” I said. I was being genuine, I really WAS sorry. “I didn’t know it was your old house and—”

“ALLISON!” She shouted. I jumped, practically retreated onto the mattress, pulling my legs up in front of me. “When I dropped you off at this dorm last WEEK I drove past the AG house and said ‘Look, there’s my old sorority house!’ Were you paying attention? At all? Or were you off in your own little world?”

Laura and Cassandra could surely overhear the conversation as they moved about packing up my things but they chose not to interject anything. I saw Cassandra glance my way a few times but that was about it.

“I guess I-“

“You DON’T pay attention, Allison. You never have. Well guess what? You’re going to have to start paying attention if you want to make it through this. Look, I know a lot of trans girls, and trans women and let me tell you something, this is NOT the way you wanted to deal with this. You should be doing it at your own pace, but guess what? We’re willing to put the sorority above your personal needs for the moment. You’re not going to have a pity party, you’re going to woman up and do it. You have me, you have Remy, you have Laura, you have all the girls at AG that are going to help you with your makeup, your behavior, getting you through classes. All of that.”

I guess I was crying again. She reached into her purse and pulled out a tissue, dabbing it under my eyes and shaking her head.
“Allison, I love you and in a way I kind of like this. I never had a little sister, and I really never thought I’d have a sister who would pledge to the same sorority as Mom and I. I mean this is kind of amazing in its own way but oh my God, you’re going to have to shape up. Alpha Gamma isn’t some clubhouse where girls have pillow fights. This is serious business, do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I…I think so?” I really didn’t.

“It’s like what we told you earlier,” Laura approached the bed. “Being a member of a sorority, especially one like ours is about sisterhood, it’s a gateway to your future. We support eachother in every single way. You need a little more support than everyone else but we’re going to get you there.”

“They will,” Brianna confirmed. “From what I hear you hit up every house on Rush night and scarfed up all the food but you were lucky to land in AG. Part of the agreement is that I check up on you regularly and you can bet I’m going to ride you hard but in the end I think we’re going to come out of this with a better relationship.”

“Why…why are you doing all this?” I wrapped my arms around my knees and Brianna moved in, gently unwrapping them and pushing my legs down, leaving me feeling more vulnerable in front of her. This was weird, and terrifying all at the same time. My sister was speaking down to me with an authority I’d never experienced from her. I was starting to understand it. I was her sister but I was also a pledge in her former house and she was treating me as such. I’d never seen this side of her and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Afraid? Impressed?

“There’s the reputation issue,” She said to me. “We’re protecting the honor of our house. Even though mom and I aren’t part of the chapter we’re still alumni and we swore our own oaths. But you know, in spite of that, mom could have just pulled your tuition payments and left you to fend for yourself. We probably could have patched it up in a few years, but I wanted to try something different.”

“Wait,” I stammered. “You did this to me?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “I did. To be honest I didn’t think you’d go through with it. I thought you’d cut and run like you have with everything else in your life but for some reason you stayed and toughed it out.”

I didn’t feel like I’d toughed anything out. I felt like I’d been coerced into every single part of it. Had there really been a chance for me to leave? Maybe there had. I nodded.

“I guess…” I said.

“Maybe you stayed because this is where you really wanted to be. Maybe you flaked on everything else in your life because it just didn’t feel right. Maybe you’ve found your home here, just like mom and I did. You’ll walk the same path I did. In some ways it’ll be harder, but you need this. I know you need this. It explains SO much. Why you were always so awkward, why you never had friends, why you were never interested in anything. You were waiting for something, I think this was it.”

“Found the girl clothes,” Cassandra said as she pulled a trunk from the back of my closet. “Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

At Brianna’s insistence I stayed on the bed and watched from afar as Cassandre tore through the trunk.

“Crap, crap, this is SO six years ago, crap, crap, oh look, more long black skirts. What are you, Amish?”

I groaned. I liked those outfits, a lot.
“Hey, it’s her makeup bag,” Laura said. “Okay it’s literally a ziplock bag. Look at these brands. It’s all Elf and Maybelline. Allison why do you have oil based foundation and a water based primer? It’s no wonder saw right through you at Rush.”

“I was doing the best I could,” I muttered. Brianna turned to look at me.

“You had access to Mom’s credit card and the best you could do was ‘Fit Me’ foundation?” She kind of smirked at me. I don’t know why or how to explain it but it kind of felt good to have her judging me on this.

“It was…cheap,” I explained. “I didn’t want to raise too many questions, you know? Mom would ask what I was spending the money on if…”
“Well great news,” She laughed. “Now you don’t have to explain it.”

That was true. I watched them pack up the rest of my stuff, including my laptop which Brianna handed to me.

“Come on Allison,” She said. “We have to get you ready for class tomorrow. Stop fretting. You’re free now.”

Synopsis: Allison has some one on one time with her sister and gets ready for class

“Wake up sleepyhead,” I felt a hand on my shoulder and gradually opened my eyes. The room was still dark. Was I back in my dorm? “Oh my god you sweat like everywhere.”

I finally managed to force my eyes open, Brianna was standing over me. I guess she’d stayed the night. Or was she staying here in the house? I guess that would make sense, she lived around here anyway. As I looked around the smell of sweat assaulted my nostrils; the comforter weighed down on me, so soggy that I didn’t even want to stay under it.

“Brianna?” I mumbled. What time was it?

“You’re gonna have to get up,” She said. “We have to shower you and…ew…my god do you always sweat like this?”

“No, I guess I was just…” I shook my head as I pushed the comforter aside and sat up, my nightgown was a tangled mess across my body. Brianna reached down and straightened it out a little before helping me off the bed.

“Wow,” She shook her head. “Okay let’s get going. I already have an outfit for you. You need to shower and do your makeup, okay? I’m going to show you some basics and make sure you pass today. I have to go to work, so I can’t be around all day. I’ll be back in the evening though, okay?”

“What…what time is it?” I asked as I stood on shaky feet and walked past the other bed in the room; realizing that it was empty. Was Brianna staying in here?

“It’s 6:30,” She said. “I know your first class is at 9, but we need to talk and get you ready. As you probably guessed, I’m your roommate for a while, it was one of the requirements handed down by national. I’m pretty much in charge of you for the next few weeks…or months. Whatever it takes.”

My big sister was in charge of me. Nice to see nothing had changed since leaving home.

“Wonderful,” I muttered.

“Hey,” She said as she guided me out of the room and into the hallway. “I know this is…a little weird for you okay? We’ve been equals for the most part but things are different now. This is kind of a rebirth for you and you’re jumping into the deep end of a pool you’ve never even seen before. This is my world, let me show you how to swim, okay?”

She flipped on the bathroom light and for the first time I noticed that there were actually four shower stalls in here. How had I not noticed that before? Whatever. As we approached one of the stalls I turned and looked at her. She shook her head and smiled a little.

“Come on Allison, I’ve seen you naked before,” She handed me three bottles, shampoo, body wash, and conditioner. “Wash everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING. I’m talking about the bottoms of your feet too. I’ve heard things about your feet.”

Into the shower I went, she didn’t watch me, thank god. She left the bathroom sometime after I stepped in and turned the water on and it felt so different on my hairless skin. The body wash slid easily across me and I felt so…good as I scrubbed the shampoo into my hair. As I finished up and stepped out of the shower Brianna walked back into the bathroom with some clothes draped over her arms.

“Hey don’t drag the towel through your hair,” She said. “Just pat it. Come over here.”

I kind of wrapped the towel around my lower half and nervously made my way toward her across the bathroom, my hair still sopping wet. She pretty much assaulted me with a blow dryer and explained to me how it would be gentler on my hair.

“I know you’re not using your natural hair yet,” She said. “But when you do, you’re going to need to learn how to take care of it.”

“Take…care of it?” I said, confused. “Doesn’t it just…can’t I just wash it in the shower?”

“You don’t wash your hair every day,” She said. “You’ll strip the natural oils out of it. You maybe want to wash twice a week unless some kind of disaster happens, and you absolutely have to. Dry shampoo and leave-in conditioner are going to be your best friends. Okay, you ready to get dressed?”

“Yeah,” I said. I glanced at the clothes she’d set on the vanity next to the sink. There was something familiar about them.

“I’m no detective,” She said as she reached for them. “But when you stayed with me that week before school started, I noticed that this dress was hung up backwards in my closet. It was the only one though. I guess you liked this one, huh?”

“Yeah, I…I did,” I blushed. “I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to be sorry,” She smiled. “I’m giving it to you. Your first hand-me-down from your big sister.”

I got dressed, carefully lining up the breast forms beneath the knee-length floral dress. Brianna tied the sash in the back and stood behind me in the mirror.

“Brianna…” I started to speak but I had no idea what I wanted to say. This moment, it was like…I was who I was, finally, and it was amazing. My sister was here, she supported me. It was beyond anything I could have expected or dreamed of. I was living in a sorority house, I was…Allison; the girl who had only existed behind my eyes for as long as I could remember. The girl I saw in the mirror every single day, the girl who had been screaming to be let free. She was here, in this room with us.

“You okay little sis?” She asked, smiling. I turned around and hugged her. I think she was expecting it.

“It’s…nice to finally meet you,” I said.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” She said, giggling a little. “Now don’t cry all over my blouse, I still have to get to work today you know.”
In the hallway girls were stepping out of their room, yawning and stretching. I passed Cassandra and Michelle on the way back, they smiled at me and said hi.

“How are you holding up?” Michelle asked. I shrugged.

“I’m okay,” I smiled a bit.

“We have a long way to go,” Michelle reminded me. “Lots to learn today, so get ready. I like the dress, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I smiled as Brianna moved me along, back to our room. She sat me down at her vanity and did my makeup, filling me in on some of the basics of primer, blush, and everything else under the sun.

“Okay,” She said. “New wig, the old one was getting a little ratty. This is going to be a little bit uncomfortable at first but ultimately worth it.”
She fixed my hair with a wig cap and placed the new wig on my head. She was right, it was super uncomfortable but when I looked in the mirror I absolutely couldn’t tell that it was a wig. Amazing.

“You are officially ready to go,” She kissed the top of my head and smiled. “Go downstairs, find Laura, she’ll tell you what to do next.”
Just like that my sister was gone and I was left alone in our room. Was this weird? No, not really. I just…felt like a girl. A real girl. Everyone was treating me like one and it was amazing. I finally stood and made my way out of the room and down the stairs where some kind of community breakfast was taking place in the dining room.

“Hey, good morning!” Laura waved me over to a self-serve buffet set up along the wall.

“Wow,” I said as I walked toward her. “Do we do this every morning?”

“Just Mondays,” She smiled. “We have to go over a few things. There are at least two AG sisters in each of your classes, we already checked, so when you go, you need to look for the pins. Not pledge pins, they’re just regular AG pins. You’ll know whose safe to talk to and who you can go to for help, okay?”

“You’re doing all this for me?”

“Yep,” She nodded. “This was mostly your sister’s idea, and we went with it, but ultimately it was our decision whether or not to bring you in. We made the choice, you’re a pledge in this house, so yes, we will take care of you."

“I don’t know what to say,” I said. “I’ve never had anyone care this much…about me before.”

“Get some food,” Laura handed me a plate and pointed to the buffet. “Try the sausage, it’s really good.”

I was kind of nervous about taking food from the table, honestly. Yeah I was a pledge, I’d been initiated and pinned and everything but it still felt wrong, the whole thing about me being here. I just didn’t felt like I belonged. But then…I did feel like I belonged. This place felt like home, this whole thing felt amazing. This was what I wanted, so why was I still so nervous? As soon as I finished with my plate, Laura waved me over to a table where she was sitting with Remy, the blonde girl from the other day, Cassandra, and Michelle. I really needed to get to know the other girls here.

Walking over to the table, I sat down and was immediately bombarded with instructions from Remy.

“Okay it looks like you have a creative writing class first, and then you follow that up with history, and English. You also have…food science? Why are you taking food science if you want to be a journalist?”

“I like to cook,” I shrugged.

“Oh, okay,” Remy said, then continued reading off my schedule. “So here’s the deal. When you finish with a class, don’t just walk out. Wait for your sisters to come to you, they’ll walk with you and then you’ll meet the next set that will walk you to class. Got it?”

“Is this all really necessary? I mean…what’s the worst that could happen?” Let’s be honest here, while I was saying that I didn’t like being micromanaged like this, I really, really liked it. Going out to rush as a girl, that was one thing. It was one night, and I was able to control my exposure. Now I was going to be out in the world for real and I had virtually no control. I liked the idea of the AG sisters giving me some kind of support system, even if it meant I would never have privacy again.

“We haven’t taught you everything you need to know,” Michelle explained. “By yourself you’re going to look a little awkward but if you’re in a group it won’t be as noticeable, make sense?”

“Are you really this worried about me?” I asked. Maybe that was a stupid question.

“I care about ANY trans or other LGBT person on this campus,” She said. “But you’re the only trans girl I have direct influence over, so I’m going to do my best to keep you safe. Every girl in this house is my responsibility, you just need a little more care than the others, okay? Don’t feel bad about it.”

I nodded. I was trying my best not to feel bad, but I still felt really out of place and like I was putting them out. Laura must have noticed my concern, she took my hands in hers and looked directly at me.

“Stop fretting,” She told me. “We’re going to make this go smoothly, and at the end of the day you can come back to the house and relax, okay?”

I was wishing that it were the end of the day right now.

“Okay,” I nodded

“Great, now let’s finish eating and get you ready for class.”

Synopsis: Allison goes to class for the first time and runs into an old friend.

“Okay we are…here,” Remy said as she pulled her car in front of Building 18. Through the passenger window I could see students walking around, drinking coffee, reading, socializing, things I might have been doing a few days ago. To think I could have been a normal student. No, who cares? If I was going to be honest with myself I had to admit that I had spent the last ten years fantasizing about something like this happening to me and…here I was. Go me. Could I just sit back and enjoy it? The reality was a lot heavier than the fantasy.

“Okay,” I said, starting to reach for the door handle. “Wait, what do I do?”

“If you look over there,” She pointed past me. “You can see those two girls over there? That would be Arianna and Madeline, or Maddie for short. Ari and Maddie. They are actually waiting for you, but first there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

I let go of the door handle and turned to her. This could never be good. I didn’t ask, I just waited for the worst.

“Don’t freak out, it’s nothing bad,” She told me. “You’ve been handling all of this REALLY well, I mean considering it’s been a little over two days. It was kind of a lot of change to thrust on you all at once but you need to talk to someone. You live in our house, you’re our sister…well I mean a pledge but I’m sure you’ll make it.”

“Talk to someone?” I regarded her carefully, trying to see what she was up to but all I could focus on were the locks of brown hair that flowed effortlessly over her shoulders. God she was beautiful. Why couldn’t I look that good?

“Look, you seem to be holding it together really well but I really want to be sure, okay? Which is why in…three days you have an appointment with Brynn Stone, she’s a great therapist and she’s not too far from campus. You need to go.”

“I don’t know,” I was apprehensive. “I’ve never…been to a therapist and…”

“You’ve never been in this situation,” She said insistently. “You need help. You need to talk to someone. This isn’t a negotiation.”

“Okay,” I said quietly. I didn’t have anything else to add.

“Good, now have a nice day at school, we’ll see you back at the house. Please, remember not to wander off on your own.”
I started to climb out of the car.

“Hey,” She interrupted me. “Tonight at the house we have our pairing ceremony. You’ll be matched with one of the sisters, she’ll be your big sister. Everyone gets one. Whoever you’re paired with, she’ll help you, you and you can go to her for advice. It’s part of being in a sorority. It’s starting at eight so you need to be there earlier. Got it?”

“Okay,” I nodded again. I’m not sure why she was telling me this; it’s not like I had any say in where I would be going.

“Great, see you back at the house.”

I stepped out of the car and the short walk from there to the table where Arianna and Madline sat felt like marching down death row. I kept my head down with my arms wrapped around my purse as if making eye contact with anyone was going to kill me. Could people tell? There was no way they couldn’t, even with Brianna’s amazing makeup job. I tried to keep myself small, just like they’d taught me. I kept my arms close to me, I took short steps, I even limited by breathing, though that probably had more to do with the fact that I was holding my breath like a fish out of water.

“Hey Allison!” One of the girls said as I finally reached the table. “My name is Madeline, this is Arianna, you ready to go to class?”
I shook my head up and down, I somehow couldn’t bring myself to speak.

“Okay hun, loosen up a little,” Arianna said to me. “You’re way too nervous.”

“And you look great,” Madeline reassured me as we made our way toward the building.

“I’m so looking forward to this,” Arianna tugged on my arm “I love creative writing, do you do any writing?”

“A little,” I said, still staring at the floor.

“Okay, do me a favor,” Arianna took my other arm and pulled me aside just in front of the entrance. “I want you to look up, look at me.”
She didn’t give me much of a choice, she placed a finger under my chin and forced my head up until our eyes met. She was a beautiful raven haired girl with deep blue eyes and a butterfly clip holding her beautiful razor straight locks out of her face. She was the kind of girl I’d have had a massive crush on if things had been different. Madeline came around into my line of sight and waved at me. I forced a smile as I took in her curly red hair, stopping just at her shoulders. She had a pale complexion, though not as pale as Arianna.

“Listen to me very carefully,” Arianna said, keeping a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a woman, you’re beautiful. I want you to keep your head up and be proud.”

“And not just any woman,” Madeline informed me. “You’re pledging Alpha Gamma. That’s a big deal.”

“And a legacy too, don’t forget that part,” Arianna added.

Yeah, a legacy. How could I forget almost screwing over my entire family?

They stood on either side of me and guided me into the building. Inside it was much the same as the main building; wood paneled with a touch of modernity. We passed a huge bulletin board detailing upcoming events, namely for the drama club, and we made our way past a few lecture halls. Then, we came across something I really didn’t care for.

“Stephanie!” Arianna greeted a girl who was walking toward us – a girl who I immediately recognized. Stephanie Williams, my old next door neighbor growing up. Literally a childhood friend; she was going to recognize me and if I knew her, she was going to make a scene. She wouldn’t hate it but she wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. Oh god, here we go.

“Hey Steph,” Madeline said. “This is Allison, she’s pledging AG.”

“Hi Allison!” Stephanie greeted me. “So you’re new huh, how’s it going? What are you majoring in?”

What.

“I uh…journalism,” I replied softly. Did she not recognize me? Should I be relieved or offended?

“Oh wow!” Stephanie exclaimed, her eyes going wide as she took a deep breath. “I have a friend from back home who was coming here this year for journalism! Oh my gosh you should meet him, his name is Miles and he’s super handsome.”

“Oh, yeah,” I smiled. “That could be cool.”

Bitch are you really trying to set me up with myself?

“So Stephanie, did you ever think about joining a sorority?” Arianna asked her. “It’s not too late to join AG you know.”

“I did try,” She said. “I was there with one of the rush groups and I didn’t get a call back.”

“Still not too late,” Madeline told her. “Continuous open bids are a thing. You could still get called back.”

“Oh that would be pretty amazing,” Stephanie said.

We made it to the classroom, I breathed a sigh of relief, she hadn’t figured it out and she would be gone in a minute.

“Okay, here we are,” Arianna pointed to Room 810F.

“Oh me too!” Stephanie chimed in. “I’m taking creative writing too!”

Oh my holy Jesus what the actual f—

“We should all sit together!” Madeline exclaimed.

So we did. Somehow we passed through the entire lecture without Stephanie noticing it was me, the kid she’d played with as a child, or the person she’d gone to middle and high school with. Though I got through it, I didn’t really process any of the information and I think that was a common theme throughout the day as I was shuffled from class to class, sometimes guided by sisters, other times, pledges like myself. It was a good way for me to get to know everyone but damn, my head was spinning by the end of the day. Finally, I found myself in the car of two girls I had just met an hour earlier driving back to the house. They reminded me that the big sister/little sister ceremony was taking place tonight. I had no idea why I needed a big sister, pretty sure I already had one.

“Hey, welcome home!” Brianna called out to me as I walked through the front door. She was sitting on the couch with Remy, they were going over some kind of paperwork. “You ready for the big ceremony?”

“I guess,” I shrugged as she walked over and led me away into another room. “How does it work?”

“Well, you get paired up with one of the sisters and they become your big sister. If you have any questions or if you’re having problems, you just go to them. They’re kind of like your guide on this crazy journey.”

“So obviously you’ll be mine,” I didn’t mind the idea really.

“No hon,” She shook her head. “I’m here to help you but you need to pair up with someone your own age, it’s part of the whole college experience.”

“It’s not like anyone’s going to pick me,” I shrugged. “I’m a—”

“Stop,” She placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed a little bit. “You are a beautiful young lady and you need to stop thinking otherwise.”

“I just don’t…feel like a regular college girl,” I kind of sighed. “I feel like…”

“Look,” She said firmly. “If you were a regular college girl then I wouldn’t be here. I would be off working and you would be doing this alone, but that’s not how it worked out. I know it’s all new and it’s scary and confusing and…all sorts of other things but let me tell you something. For me this is amazing. As a brother I didn’t really know you. You were quiet, reserved, you held things in. I could never tell if you were happy, or sad, or mad, though if we’re being honest I could always tell there was kind of a sadness about you. Your eyes gave it away. You were always looking off into the distance like there was something you wanted but couldn’t quite reach. Your pain was so obvious. In the last few days I’ve seen more emotion from you than I did in a lifetime. You’re still afraid but it’s such a different type of fear. You’re timid, you’re shaky, you’re unsure but you know what else you are? You’re happy. I’ve seen you smile, and not a fake smile like you used to do. You’re truly happy and I can see it in your face. When I first got here yeah, I was a little apprehensive, I wasn’t sure how it would turn out but now I’m pretty sure that this is where you belong, so don’t you ever doubt it.”

I instinctively hugged her, I don’t know why. I just felt safe, maybe for the first time. I could actually trust someone.

“But…but still?” I said as I buried my head into her shoulder. “Would anyone really pick me? Who would want me?”

“Someone already has,” She kind of chuckled as she released me and placed her hands on my shoulders, smiling at me.

“What? They did?”

“There was actually quite an argument over who would get you,” She grinned. “It was really amusing to watch.”

“So…who is it?” I asked, still confused as to why anyone would want me, or why I was even worth arguing over.

“You’re about to find out,” She said as she took my hand. “Come on.”

Synopsis: Allison meets her new big sister

“Sisterhood, Love, Unity, Commitment, Tradition, Honesty. These are among our core values and you have each been selected not by chance but because you have the potential to uphold and fulfill those values. Each and every one of you, is special in her own way.” The conference room had been darkened and Remy stood in front of us. For the first time I noticed that the AG logo was emblazoned onto the wooden floor of the room and a set of accent light nearby seemed to illuminate it, though just enough that it didn’t kill the atmosphere. The rest of the room was illuminated by candlelight. Each pledge held a candle, but each sister, standing around the inside of the conference table held a lit candle. The ceremony had been explained to us, now all that was left was to perform it.

I felt giddy, to put it mildly. The air was electrified. I was part of something, I belonged. There was a brief silence and then Remy continued.

”Alpha Gamma is more than just a house, it is a life giving tree, its roots ensnare our hearts and binds us together so that we may move forward as one, offering our support and our love to one another no matter where our path takes us in life. You will one day leave this house, but you will carry this sisterhood in your hearts. Today you take an important step on that journey. For each of you a big sister has been chosen. She will instruct you not only in the ways of Alpha Gamma, but also in the ways of life so that you may better yourself. Make no mistake, however. We still have much to learn from eachother. When your name is called, step forward and perform the ritual.”

Remy unfolded a piece of paper and read off the first name.

“Veronica, please step forward.”

As she did, Arianna stepped toward the center, the two met in the middle.

“With this flame I offer you a part of myself, my knowledge, my wisdom, and my love so that I may guide you, and so what we may move forward together,” Arianna spoke the ritual words.

“I accept your gift, so what we may move forward together, as sisters,” Veronica responded. Arianna used her candle to light Veronica’s, and they moved toward the back. The next girl went, and then the next girl. I waited patiently but filled to the brim with anxiety. I felt nervous about walking up in front of all these people. It shouldn’t have bothered me that much honestly. I mean, any shred of dignity I’d had was ripped away over the last few days; a little ceremony and some public speaking shouldn’t’ be making me nervous; but it was.

My fears degenerated into worry as the ceremony pressed onward and I wasn’t called up. Did no one choose me? Had my worst fear been realized? Would I be the only person in the house without a big sister? I think at that point I was so embarrassed I wanted to run but my feet felt as if they were glued to the floor; my legs rubber. The last girl was finally called, then paired off with a sister named Lila. I remembered Lila, actually; she was the one who has blocked me from leaving the conference room the day Remy had confronted me. Maybe it was a good thing I hadn’t gotten her, but who had I gotten? I looked around, I was the last one standing.

“Allison,” Remy’s voice boomed throughout the conference room. “Step forward.”

Timidly and carefully I forced myself to move forward, holding my candle close to my chest just as every other girl had done. I kept my face forward but my eyes darted around as I tried to gauge the room. Who was left? Was everyone staring at me? Was I even supposed to be here? Was I really even HERE in the first place? My god it had to be a dream.

I came to Remy and stopped in front of her. She must have seen the worry in my eyes, she smiled a bit and whispered quietly so that only we could hear.

“Are you okay?”

“I think so,” I whispered back.

“You’re pale as a ghost,” She observed.

“I guess I am,” I tried to smile and shrug it off but failed miserably.

“Allison, listen,” Remy suddenly placed a hand on my cheek. It felt amazing, it felt warm, it felt…safe. “When you came here for Rush on Friday I’m not going to lie. I kind of hated you. I thought you were arrogant, and I thought you were mocking us. I’ve only known you for four days but in the time, you joined us here, the change has been absolutely amazing. It’s no wonder you were awkward and creepy as a guy. You were never meant to BE a guy. You’re our sister now and we’ll take care of you.”

I wanted to cry again. What was it with me and crying lately? Remy smiled and stepped back a bit.

“With this flame I offer you a part of myself, my knowledge, my wisdom, and my love so that I may guide you, and so what we may move forward together,” She moved forward and leaned her candle in halfway.

“I…I accept your gift, so what we may move forward together, as sisters,” I moved my candle forward, allowing us to meet in the middle. She smiled at me in the soft glow and motioned for me to walk back to the others.

“The ceremony is complete,” Remy said loudly. “Let us move forward as sisters.”

“Let us move forward as sisters,” We responded.

The ceremony ended, we shuffled out of the conference room, each of us with a renewed sense of purpose. My head was still spinning; had that just happened? Did Remy really choose me? Why had she chosen me?

“Hey!” Veronica stopped me as I wandered aimlessly through the common area. “What’s that amazing? I can’t believe I got Arianna, she’s like, the BEST.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling. I was starting to feel a little more comfortable just talking to people. “I still can’t believe Remy picked me, I mean…the president?”

“Well I’m sure she had her reason!” Veronica said excitedly. “You can ask her all about it, we’re supposed to have some one on one time with our big sisters you know, in a little bit.”

“We are?”

“You don’t pay attention much do you?” Veronica laughed. “That’s okay, I know you have a lot going on. Speaking of which!”

Veronica was looking over my shoulder; I turned to see Remy who had apparently changed back into her favorite hoodie and a pair of yoga pants. She grinned and gave me a quick hug.

“Hey,” She said. “Did you enjoy the ceremony?”

“Yeah, I did,” I said. “But…I guess I’m kind of confused. Why did you pick me? What’s so special about me?”

“Come on,” Remy told me. “We’ll talk about it.”

She led me upstairs, and past my room. I’d never been this far back before; I’d been told that as a pledge I wasn’t technically supposed to be upstairs, or sleeping in the house but they had made an exception for me. Their only condition was that I only use the bathroom and my room. I had stuck to it religiously. We wound around the balcony until finally we came to a door at the end of the hallway.

“My room,” She said. “I get one all to myself; presidential privilege and all.

The room beyond the door wasn’t huge though it was certainly bigger than the others in the house. Definitely a presidential suite. She immediately went for the bed, plopping down and pulling her legs up Indian style. She motioned for me to join her, so I nervously crossed the room and sat on the edge.

“Come on,” She laughed, pulling me further onto the bed until I was facing her. “Okay, so yeah you’re confused but let me explain why. Like I said before it’s only been a few days you have come…a LONG way and I really can’t wait to see how much further you’ll go. I mean there are a lot of little things that you probably haven’t even noticed. The way you walk has changed, the way you talk, it’s all just fantastic. The problem is that yeah, while you’ve taken to all of this naturally there are still a lot of things to work on and in my opinion you still need to be protected. You probably feel like you’ve made great strides but this is only the beginning, you know what I mean?”

“Wait,” I said. “You’re saying you only picked me for your little sister because you think I need to be protected?”

“Kind of,” She nodded. “But also because I like you. Honestly, it’s a big sister’s job to protect her little sister whether it’s a blood relationship or not. I also think you have a lot to teach me. We’ll be good for eachother. Enough of that, though. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

What she said kind of made sense, I guess. It was all still a whirlwind of emotion; emotions I never would have dared to express as a man. How was I supposed to explain how I was feeling now? I mean I knew the emotions but I didn’t have words for them.

“I guess…” I started. “I mean…I feel…I feel out of place kind of. I don’t mean I feel like I don’t belong here. Things feel right for the first time in a long time but it’s weird I guess because I have to walk through the world in such a different way. When some of the girls were walking me to class earlier today they told me it was never a good idea to walk alone even in the daytime. I didn’t really…I mean when I was a guy I walked everywhere by myself and I didn’t even think about it but now I’m kind of…”

“Afraid?” Remy finished my sentence for me.

“Yeah I’m…I’m afraid. I can feel people looking at me outside. I draw more attention and sometimes I feel like I’m on display even if I’m just walking to class. It’s not about being trans; I don’t think anyone can tell because Brianna and everyone else does such a good job with my makeup, but because I’m out there and I’m wearing a skirt or a dress or whatever and they feel they have the right to look at me. I’ve gone from being invisible to being everyone’s business.”

“It’s true,” Remy confirmed for me. “When you make a transition like this, you’re doing more than just putting on a dress and some makeup. That’s a big part of it but you’re also assimilating into a class and gender that has always been objectified. It’s not as bad as it used to be but having been a man you’re going to feel some of the impacts pretty hard. That’s another reason I chose you. I like you but I also want to hear about how you’re doing and what you’re experiencing so I can help you. I wanted more time for you because yeah we did give you a pretty hard push and I know you weren’t ready but to balance it out, we’re going to be here to help you. I’m going to be here to help you. We are ALL going to be here to help you. Being a part of this sisterhood is more than just a club, we’re here for eachother, for life. I’m you big sister, for life, do you understand that?”

“Yeah, I…I do,” I said. I was feeling overwhelmed again; I couldn’t believe anyone cared this much about me. A lot had happened over the last few days and in many ways my mind was still trying to catch up with my body.

“Soooo,” Remy said. “We’re having a dinner tonight to celebrate. I hope you like chicken.”

I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be, and it felt good.

Synopsis: Allison speaks with her therapist about starting hormone therapy and learns about Philanthropy

“Allison? Are you okay?” Brynn asked me. I snapped out of my brief trance and looked back to her. Brynn was the therapist that Remy had referred me to and so far I had no idea how the session was going.

“I…yeah, I’m fine,” I think I was lying.

“So from what you’re telling me, this happened because you decided to rush a few sororities dressed as a woman and they’re…punishing you?” Brynn raised an eyebrow. Okay sure, that’s kind of how it sounded but that wasn’t how it felt, not anymore.

“That’s…what it felt like at first,” I admitted. “But things have changed now. It’s been about a week and I really, really like this.”

“Well what do you like about it?”

“Before all this happened I was just online in groups just reading and sometimes posting. I asked for advice and stuff, like how to transition and even though people would answer I never really expected to be able to do it. Never in a million years. I was afraid of coming out to my mother and sister…I didn’t know how they would take it. I guess that was stupid of me. I had already just decided that they would both hate me and I didn’t bother asking them.”

“Why did you think they would hate you?” Brynn began to write on her notepad as I spoke.

“I guess I just…maybe it was in my head. Maybe I never paid close enough attention to who they were and what they were like. I just…assumed that it would go badly because my mom had me on this really specific path. I told her I wanted to become a journalist, like a news anchor. She kind of planned my whole life out and ‘Allison’ was never a part of that. I thought she would be mad, or disgusted,” I shifted in my chair a bit, realizing how stupid this sounded when I said it out loud. Why on earth had I thought my mom would hate me over something like this?

“And now?”

“Now it’s…it’s weird. I haven’t really talked to her but Brianna told me that all she cares about is that I’m in school and doing well. She doesn’t care about all…this.”

“Well it seems that you have the familial acceptance, and that puts you about fifty steps ahead of most other trans women. So I think the question you need to ask, is this: is this what you want?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused. “You mean, do I want to be a girl?”

“I mean,” Brynn said, looking at me over her glasses. “Do you want to be in the sorority. Do you feel like you’re being forced?”

That was a tough question. I didn’t really have the option of walking away from the house, or did I? I probably could and at this point it wouldn’t hurt anything, because I tried and maybe I just didn’t like it. But to leave Remy and Michelle? To let Brianna down like that? I couldn’t even imagine it.

“I don’t feel like I’m being forced,” I finally admitted. “I mean at first I didn’t have a choice but now? Now it’s like…I’m there because I want to be. No one’s holding me against my will and…I think they’ve made me a better person. My sister told me that I’m more outgoing, and happier. It’s scary sometimes, like really scary-“

“What parts are scary?”

“I guess it’s like…I have to meet a certain expectation, and they’re holding me to it. They’re my friends but they definitely get on me a lot. I guess they want me to be the best I can be but it gets…hard and tiring.”

“Have you ever considered asking them to back off a little?”

“I…I thought about it but then I realized…something,” I shifted again, this time staring at a painting on the wall to my left. It was a forest scene, kind of relaxing.

“What did you realize?” Her voice was almost drowned out by the sound of the ticking clock just behind her. I tried to concentrate on her voice.

I saw…an old picture of myself on my phone and I don’t look anything like that anymore. Like at all. It…it wouldn’t be that way if it weren’t for everything they’ve done and I don’t want it to stop. I NEED it to keep going. I don’t want to be him again. I hated him.” I was beginning to curl my fist, my body was shaking. It was so true; I couldn’t stand the idea of being Miles. He was so…I don’t know how to explain it.

“Then it sounds to me like you’re on the right path, you’re becoming who you were meant to be, and it may be really, really good for you,” Brynn took a few more notes. “Have you considered taking hormones?”

“Well, yeah,” I admitted. “I mean I’ve read a lot about them online especially well…back when I had more time. The problem is I guess I have to be in therapy for like a year and get a referral letter, right?”

“Not anymore,” She shook her head. “There are other options like informed consent clinics. Planned Parenthood is a good one.”

“So they’ll just give me the hormones? Just like that?”

“Generally, yes. You would have to answer some questions and having a referral letter never HURTS, but they’re not going to deny a trans woman from hormone treatment, especially not one like you. It’s clear you’re dressing the part and acting the part. In my professional opinion, if you weren’t trans, you would be fighting this but you’ve settled into it very, very nicely. You’re a natural.”

“Th…thank you,” I blushed. I still wasn’t used to being praised or complimented.

“I’m going to make you referral to Ian McKee’s office. He’s a great, LGBT friendly doctor, he’ll run some blood tests and get you on the right dosage.”

“Wait, that’s it?” I asked, incredulously. “After all…this…all I had to do was ask?”

“Well,” She said. “It’s easier in some areas than others. We have a better informed consent system here.”

So it was happening. It was actually happening. After reading about it online forever and wondering if I would ever be lucky enough to get them, I was actually going to start taking hormones? It just didn’t seem real, but then again, none of this seemed real.

I left the therapists’ office at 2:15 and thought about going back to the house, but instead received a text from Remy.

‘Hey little sis! Meet us at the Animal Shelter on Romig Road when you get done! Love ya!’

I smiled a little, it was nice to have someone care enough to send texts; it had never really happened before…before all this. I used my phone to call an Uber and rode over to the animal shelter. Outside I saw Remy’s car, but also Laura, Cassandra’s, and cars that I knew belonged to a few other girls. What as going on? I crossed the parking lot and made my way to the front lobby, approaching the receptionist carefully; I still felt awkward in public even though Brianna, Remy, Cassandra, Michelle, and virtually every other girl in the house had convinced me that no one could tell.

Before I could even speak the receptionist perked up and said, “Hey are you with Alpha Gamma?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I’m looking for-“

“The rest of your group is outside, just follow me!”

I followed her through a winding hallway until we reached a glass door, which she held open for me. It led outside into kind of a play yard but full of dog toys, a small inground pool with the entire area screened in with kind of a black mesh. In the yard I could see about ten AG girls playing with the dogs.

“Heyyyy,” Remy said bouncing over to me. She was gorgeous today; her hair was tied up in a bun held together by two chopsticks and she was wearing this black spaghetti strap top. “I thought you’d never make it!”

“What is this?” I asked looking around “Are we getting a dog?”

“No silly,” Remy laughed. It’s philanthropy. We do fifty philanthropy hours per month, like charity. Today we’re playing with the dogs. Next week we’re scheduled to serve food at the homeless shelter. There are a few other activities scheduled throughout the month so basically it gives us a presence in the community and…lets us play with dogs!”

“Hey Allie!” Michelle waves from the corner where she was playing tug with a huge German shepherd. “You taking care of those feet?”

“Yeah,” I called back, laughing.

“Okay little sis, I don’t know how well you do with dogs but…see this one over here, this is Bernie. He’s kind of a grouch.”

“Wow,” I said as I stared at the great Dane moving toward us. “He’s uh…big.”

“Don’t worry,” Remy laughed. “He’s a big baby.”

“Big is…right,” I said as I nervously approached the dog. When I moved forward he started prancing around, his nails clicking against the concrete. “uh….”

“Here,” Remy said, smiling to me. “This is his favorite ball, throw it, he loves that.”

“Throw…throw it where?” I asked as she handed it to me.

“Anywhere,” She laughed. You know, I probably really shouldn’t have been thinking like this, at ALL, but the way she looked today, Jesus I would have probably walked into a volcano if she’d told me to. No, no, bad thoughts. Holy shit, no.

I turned cautiously and threw the ball, or at least I tried. Actually, it didn’t make it more than three inches from my hand, and just fell to the ground right in front of me. "Wow, I suck—”

“ALLISON WATCH OUT!” Remy screamed but it was too late. Bernie had decided to go for the ball, and to do that, he’d decided to go through me. I felt the full force of him slam into the back of my knees, sending me lurching forward. As I desperately tried to keep my balance I bounded around, throwing my arms out and failing until finally I fell face first, right into that stupid doggie pool. It was maybe two feet deep but I still managed to slam into the floor of it. I didn’t stay under too long, I felt sets of hands gripping my arms and yanking me out, setting me down on the edge.

“Oh my god Allison,” Michelle said, placing a hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah holy crap,” Lila said running over to the pool. “Are you alright?”

A few other girls asked the same question and it occurred to me that if I were a guy, and if they were all guys, they would be laughing instead of asking me if I were okay. I liked this better.

“Yeah,” I gasped a bit and nodded. “I’m okay, thanks.”

“Be more careful!” Remy lectured me as she pulled me to my feet and straightened my wig.

“I’m…sorry,” I said, looking down.

“Hey no,” Remy lifted my chin and smiled at me. “You’re fine, it was an accident. I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay? Like, that could have been really bad. Next time actually throw the ball!”

The girls around us laughed a little bit and I grinned.

“I’ll do better next time, I promise.”

“Well,” Remy said, handing me the ball again. “Let’s see if you can actually get some air this time. Wind your arm back and give it a toss!”

The girls dispersed and went back to whatever they were doing. As I tossed the ball and let Bernard bring it back to me countless times I suddenly realized I liked having all of that attention; they actually cared whether or not I was hurt. People cared about me. It was…such an odd feeling.

We played in the enclosure for about two hours and then Remy announced that it was time to pack it in and head home.

“Come on sis, you’re riding with me,” Remy said. “You don’t need to call an Uber just to get back to the house."

“Thanks,” I smiled as we left the building and walked across the parking lot.

“Oh hey, do you have a dress?” She asked.

“Well yeah,” I said. “I have the one I wore to our initiation.”

“Mmm, too formal,” She said. “I think you wore the same one to the ceremony too…”

“Uh, yeah…” I admitted. “Oh! I have the one my sister, I mean Brianna gave me.”

“Okay,” She said. “We have a semi-formal coming up this weekend and yeah I know what dress you’re talking about…it might work. Maybe we should go through my closet and find something for you to wear.”

“You mean…you’d want me to wear something of yours?”

“Sure,” She said. “You’re my little sis, I can find something for you. The semi-formal is a mixer, we’re getting together with OED or, Omega Epsilon Delta. It’s a frat. Normally we get dates for this sort of thing um…I need to ask…”

I blushed. What was she about to ask?

“Yes?” I squeaked.

“Do you like guys or girls? I’m only asking because we need to find you a date.”

“Oh um…girls,” I said. “I like girls.”

“Cool,” She nodded. We climbed into her car and headed back toward the house. Great. My first semi-formal, and…did I also mention my first date?

Synopsis: It’s time for the semi-formal; will Allison survive?

“Okay!” Cassandra clapped her hands excitedly and jumped up and down. “Let’s turn her around! Oh my god you look so amazing!”

“Hold on,” Michelle said, taking out her phone and snapping a few pictures of me. “Hey, smile a little bit would you?”

The stylist finally turned the chair around and I was able to actually get a look at myself. I had hair; long hair, and it was nothing like what I’d had with the wig. There was no pressure around my head and it didn’t feel fake. It looked so…natural. I reached up and ran a finger through one of my new brown locks and exhaled. The way it framed my face was unbelievable; I looked so much more feminine than I could have possibly imagined. I turned and practically tackle-hugged the stylist.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Oh sweetie you’re so welcome,” She said as she hugged me back. “Just remember what I told you about taking care of if okay? A weave isn’t your natural hair so just follow the instructions I’m sending home with you.”

“Okay,” I smiled. I was elated. I couldn’t believe it. No more wigs, no more self hate, at least when it came to hair. Could this day get any better? Cassandra and Michelle walked me out of the salon, or maybe we walked out together. Lately I was feeling more in control of my life; I was actually starting to enjoy all of this. A lot.

“So, semi-formal tonight,” Michelle spoke up as we reached the car. “It’s a mixer with OED and Remy went ahead and got you a date since you’re like, too timid to ask anyone yourself.”

“Is it her?” I joked. I wasn’t joking.

“No silly, it’s Brittney Morgan, she’s the drama club president. She’s gay as hell and know about you.” Cassandra smirked.

“She…knows?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah we clued her in,” Michelle explained. “It’s not something we’d normally do but we were down to the wire here; you’d look silly without a date. Plus, we know she’s safe.”

“Well…okay,” I said. “I mean…I guess you know what’s best.”

“We do, dear,” Cassandra assured me. “Let’s get back to the house so you can rest up, it’s a big night tonight and…you need to start getting ready in a few hours.”

“Shouldn’t I start getting ready now?” I asked as we started the drive back to the house.

“Trust me, rest a little, read a book, maybe take a nap. You might not realize it but in the last two weeks you’ve been through a lot. You went from being a college boy to…one of the hottest girls in AG really. Seriously, your sister’s makeup skills are incredible.”

They weren’t wrong, the entire thing had been exhausting up to this point. Brianna woke me up every morning at 6 am to make sure I was showered and made up for the day. I spent most of my time being directed around campus by other AG sisters and pledges; it was a never ending cycle and the Greek social calendar kept me busier than I’d ever been as a guy. If you had told me three weeks ago that I would be doing…well…this, I would have told you that you were insane. As if my days weren’t packed enough, I spent a lot of my nights reading over the pledge handbook; in just two months we would be tested on it and maybe even be given the opportunity to become full sisters. When I’d rushed all of the sorority houses that weekend I remembered walking into a lot of them and feeling a sense of longing. I’d watched all of the other girls talking to the sisters, and I knew that they actually had a chance of making it into the sorority whether it was Alpha Gamma or Omega Chi, or any of the others that we visited. I was lonely, and I was sad because I knew that while I could rush and feel like I belonged for one night, one single night, I could never get that sense of belonging that came with being in a house and having a group of women to call sisters. But it happened. It actually happened. I was tired, I was sore, my head was spinning and I was reeling from everything that had been happening to me, oh you have no idea. The world was so confusing now but you know what? I wouldn’t trade it back for that loneliness and longing that I felt before.

“Hey, little sis!” Remy called out as I walked through the front door. “I laid out a dress on your bed for you!”

“Thank you so much!” I smiled and gave her a hug. “That really means a lot to me.”

“Hey,” She said. “The semi-formal starts in about three hours. I really want you to go rest for about an hour and then I’m going to wake you for – OH MY GOD YOUR HAIR!”

I was taken offguard, I’d completely forgotten about the hair.

“Oh yeah!” I grinned. “Brittney and Cassandra took me to get hair extensions; no more wig!”

“Is it a weave” She asked as she started to run her fingers through it a bit.

“Yeah,” I said happily. “I love the way it frames my face, it’s like…so feminine. I can’t believe it.”

“Yep!” Remy said. “Good hair is everything. The best part about a weave is you can grow your own hair out underneath it. You’ll have your own in no time but for now…DAMN you look good. Okay go rest and I’ll wake you up for—”

“Remy!” I heard a girl call out. “What happened to the platters?!”

“Go rest,” Remy said. The way she phrased it wasn’t really a request so I wandered up the stairs and went to my bed. Laid out across it was this beautiful purple dress with a criss-cross neck and layered sleeves. I smiled a bit as I picked it up and held it to my chest. Setting it aside, I laid out on the bed and yawned. I hadn’t noticed it as much before but I really was tired; I think I passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. The next thing I knew, Remy was gently shaking me awake. I opened my eyes a bit, she was standing there in this black and gold sleeveless dress that went down to her knees and hugged her body in all the right places.

“Hey you,” She said softly. “Get up, I need to show you something.”

I sat up slowly and carefully, smiling as I did so. There was so much to smile about. Remy waited patiently until I was finally sitting on the edge of the bed and then she handed me the pumps that they’d picked out for me at the store the last time we’d gone shopping.

“You haven’t worn them yet,” She said to me. “I need you to put them on and stand up, you’re wearing them tonight.”

“Oh I don’t need to,” I said. “I have my flats-“

“Allison. You’re wearing them,” She gave me a stern look; I knew there was no getting out of this one.

I rather obediently slid them onto my feet and carefully stood up, wobbling as I did. Remy reached out and placed her hands on my arms to steady me and I sort of looked up at her, completely uncertain. She smiled at me encouragingly and I all but swooned. Stepping back, she motioned for me to follow as she walked backward toward the end of the bed.

“Okay,” She said. “You’re going to walk from one end of the room to the other, put one foot in front of the other, just…walk like you’re on a balance beam. Sway your hips a little.”

I did as she said but I still felt so weird and unsteady. For the next half hour we practiced until I finally had some semblance of balance.

“You’re going to be fine,” Remy smiled at me. “Let’s get you dressed okay?”

It took maybe twenty minutes to get into the dress and properly apply makeup with Remy’s help. I quickly noticed that Remy, Brianna, and virtually every other girl in the house who had done my makeup had their own distinct style. I would have to develop my own style eventually and I think I already was.

“This hair of yours…” Remy gushed as she played with it. “We don’t even have to style it, they practically did everything for you at the salon today. Look at the way it falls over your shoulders!”

Once she finished fawning over my hair we went downstairs where people were already beginning walk through the doors. The place was filling up fast, and Remy was checking her phone.

“Miss Allison,” She said very formally and properly. “Your date has arrived.”

As soon as she said that, a black haired girl in this beautiful blue sequined dress stepped through the door. She saw me immediately and smiled.

“Allison!” She said as she walked up to me. She looked me over and grinned. “You look just like your picture…and as promised you look like a deer in headlights.”

Oh god how much had they told her about me?

“You uh…must be Brittany,” I said, smiling as best I knew how. “I’m—”

“Allison,” She laughed. “I’ve heard a lot about you. All of it good, I promise.”

“I’m uh…I’m sorry,” I said grinning sheepishly. “I have no idea what to do at a…semi-formal, I’ve never…”

“It’s okay,” Brittany reassured me as the music started. “Let’s go dance, and then we’ll get some punch.”

She led me over to the common area which had been cleared out and was being used as a dance floor. I gawked as she wrapped her arms around me and led me in a sort of slow dance. I had no idea how to actually dance so I just shuffled my feet. She seemed to have no problem with it.

So, a journalism major,” She said. “That’s really exciting. What kind of journalism do you want to do?”

“Oh I…well I mean it would be cool to become like a news anchor; they make a lot of money but I guess at the end of the day I really just want to write. I always thought it would be cool to…you know be out in the field, chasing stories.”

“You’re right,” She nodded, pulling me a little closer. “That would definitely be cool.”

“What about you?” I asked her, genuinely interested. “I hear you’re…in the drama club? So you’re into theater?”

“Sure am,” She smiled. “We’re getting ready to do a play actually, well, a musical to the more cultured types. Have you heard of Phantom of the Opera?”

“Of course I have!” I exclaimed. “It’s one of my favorites!”

“Yeah?” She said. “What’s your favorite thing about it?”

I’m not sure she expected me to answer, but I did.

“When the Phantom had them perform his musical,” I smiled sadly. “He poured his entire soul into it and no one liked it…not because it wasn’t good, but because it was a theme that they just weren’t ready for. People fear what they don’t understand and in a way it was kind of synonymous with his life. The world wasn’t ready for him either. Maybe today he’d be accepted, disfigured and all, but back then it was kind of a scarlet letter. Just like this play. It just goes to show that change can come with time, but only if there are people brave enough to pursue it.”

“People like…a phantom,” She said thoughtfully.

“Or a trans person,” I suggested. “I mean, I’m accepted here, but I don’t know how the outside world is going to handle me. I guess in a way, the Alpha Gamma house is my opera house.”

“You’re not going to go around hanging people are you?” She laughed. I grinned a little.

“Well,” I said. “Just make sure to keep your hand at the level of your eye.”

We laughed a bit more and the dance concluded. The rest of the evening went by pretty quickly and it wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Finishing out the evening, we said goodbye and I watched her go. Regrettably, I don’t think there had been any sparks, but at least we had fun right?

“Hey, Allison,” Brianna said as she approached me from the hallway leading to the conference room. “There’s someone who wants to meet you!”

Oh great, more new people.

Not feeling I had much of a choice (did I ever, anymore?), I followed Brianna down the hall and walked through the door into the huge conference room where we’d just held the Big Sister/Little Sister ritual. As soon as I stepped in, my heart leapt into my throat and I felt light headed as hell. The person I saw in the center of the room, I knew who they were but I had never expected to see them, at least not this soon. I couldn’t think of anything to say, but it was Brianna who spoke.

“Ms. Parsons,” She said with a sly grin. “I’d like to introduce your daughter, Allison.”

Synopsis: Allison meets with her mother, and a new pledge joins the house

Have you ever seen those soap operas from the 80’s where they get to the end and a narrator sets the scene for the next episode while everyone just stands around and stares at eachother as horrible organ music plays? What was happening right now was kind of like that but there was no narrator, and as far as I know, no cheesy organ music. I had so many thoughts running through my mind. Why was my mother here? What did she want? Was she still mad at me? How did I not even notice her coming into the house? Did we still have any of the cheese dip from earlier? We stood there for the longest time, and finally she began to walk toward me. I didn’t quite know what to say, though I suspected she knew exactly what to say; she always did.

“So,” She said as she reached out to straighten a wrinkle in my dress. “You’re the Allison I’ve been hearing so much about. Your sister has been keeping me filled in on your progress and I think for the first time in a long time I can say that I’m exceedingly proud of you.”

“You…you are?” I asked, a little confused. Those weren’t words that I ever expected to hear my mother say.

“Yes, I am,” She nodded. “I have to say that before all of this, you were arrogant, you were disrespectful to everyone around you, and to be honest I didn’t think you were even going to finish school. I’ve never stopped loving you but I was beginning to lose hope. From what I’ve been told you’re doing excellent in school, you’ve made all kinds of new friends and you’re even doing my old house proud.”

“Mom I’m…I’m really sorry about Rush—” I started to speak, but she raised her hand, which was her go-to for ‘shut up’.

“Don’t worry about that,” She reassured me. “I was angry at first but now I can see that you weren’t just being stupid. You made a terrible man but from what I’m here you make a fantastic young lady, so let’s go ahead and forget the past.”

I nodded, pondering over whether or not I had actually been a terrible man. It was interesting that now what I had this perspective I was able to think back on the way I had acted back them, and honestly, I couldn’t think of much that I could be proud of.

I wasn’t sure what to say here exactly; my mother had never spoken to me like this before. She had always been kind of cold and distant – not the way she’d been with my sister. There was something different now. It was almost as if I had been inducted into some kind of secret club, and it was definitely one that I wanted to be a part of. Over the last few weeks I’d been privy to human affection and contact unlike anything I’d ever experienced, and this only compounded it.

“There’s just…one thing I really need to know,” She said, frowning.

“What’s..that?” I asked. Now I was starting to fear for my life; I knew that frown.

“Allison,” She said, kind of shaking her head. “Why did you think I wouldn’t approve of this? What on earth made you think you had to rush every single sorority on campus instead of just coming out to your family?

I heard Brianna snort.

“I guess…I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Allison, I’ve donated thousands to the Human Rights Campaign and other LGBTS friendly organizations, I don’t keep it a secret. I just don’t understand what was going through your head. Frankly that’s the only thing that really offends me here.”

“Okay,” I said a little defensively. “To be fair I didn’t know this was your old sorority house even when Brianna pointed it out to me in person.”

“Well,” My mother said. “That’s just a new level of-“

Whatever her thought was, it was interrupted by a light knock at the conference room door. We turned to see Remy standing there. I’m so glad that they had taught me how to tuck.

“Can I come in?” She inquired. Of course she could come in, she was the president.

“Of course!” Brianna exclaimed. “Mom, this is Remy, current president of Alpha Gamma AND Allison’s big sister.”

Mom actually looked really impressed. Remy stepped into the room and shook her hand, smiling wide.

“Remy,” She said. “We talked on the phone briefly and Brianna has been telling me quite a bit about you. I want to thank you and Alpha Gamma for taking such good care of my daughter.”

She called me her daughter. My mom called me her daughter. Her daughter. She called me her daughter. Of all the things I could have imagined happening in my life this was never one of them, not in a million years. I was her daughter. I was Brianna’s sister. Years and years of hiding and absolute torture were over; I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. I stood there silently and listened to the three of them talk, mostly about me, how I was doing in school, and I heard Remy re-iterate that as my big sister it was her job to make sure that I was keeping my grades up. The thing I was having the most trouble processing at this point was how much they seemed to care about me and what I was doing with my life. A few weeks ago, well okay a month ago, my sister had just dropped me off at my new dorm, helped me move a few things in and pretty much said ‘Well there you go, good luck’. At the time I liked it. I’d wanted to be alone. If we’re being honest, I’d always found my sister to be kind of overbearing and I couldn’t wait to get away from her, and mom. Now as I stood here in the AG conference room listening to them talk about me, I couldn’t imagine a life without them. I guess the whole thing must have shown on my face because Brianna glanced over at me and stopped talking.

“Allison, are you okay?” She frowned. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

“I just…” I said. I didn’t have any words. I didn’t know what to say.

“Okay come here,” She said, taking my hand and drawing me in. She wrapped her arms around me and I laid my head on her shoulder.

“Hey so um, I need to go welcome the new pledges into the house,” Remy said suddenly.

“New pledges?” I asked, letting go of Brianna. “I thought we didn’t add any after Rush.”

“Continuous open bidding, dear,” My mom informed me. “If a house doesn’t meet their quota, after Rush week they can reach out to the girls they turned away. Not every girl accepts their bid; some go to other houses.”

“Yep,” Remy said. “We reached out to a bunch of girls and they accepted their bids, so they should be on their way here now.”

“Wouldn’t that bother them?” I wondered aloud. “You know, being second pick?”

“Being second pick for Alpha Gamma is practically first pick,” Brianna informed me. My mother nodded. Remy smirked as she turned and walked toward the door.

“I’m glad to see this place hasn’t changed much,” My mother said as she looked around the conference room. “You ladies have taken excellent care of it.”

“It’s our home,” I said. “At least until we graduate.”

“So you definitely think you’ll stick with it until you graduate?” My mom turned to me.

“Well it’s not just a phase,” I said. “I’m…I’m going to see about starting hormones soon. I already have an appointment.”

“I’m not going to sugar coat this,” She said to me. “That path you’ve chosen is…not an easy one. At AG you’re living in a sort of bubble. It’s much worse out there than you think.”

“I…I’ve actually been wondering about that,” I said. “Everyone here is so…accepting. I really don’t understand because statistically, at least one person should have been against me.”

“It has a lot to do with the quality of people that are accepted into Alpha Gamma,” My sister explained to me. “Thorough background checks are carried out and there are pretty extensive interviews.”

“I don’t remember getting an interview,” I frowned. “I just remember getting chewed out when I came to get my book – which I don’t think they had, by the way.”

“Well that was part of it,” My sister explained. “But a lot of it was them talking to us and learning more about you. I came here the day after you rushed. I insisted on being the one to take your pledge and believe me, when I got here, they asked me a LOT of questions. I mean seriously, they must have an entire book on you by now.”

“I got a lot of questions too,” My mother confirmed. “They pretty much asked for everything but your dental records.”

“It really helps that you’re a legacy, though,” Brianna pointed out. “Without that, I don’t think any of this would have happened.”

“Not in a million years,” Mom said. “But even if you weren’t part of AG, Brianna and I still would have supported you. This is just a bonus.”

“Well,” Brianna clapped her hands. “They’re going to want you out there to help welcome in the new pledges, so why don’t you leave mom and I to talk and you take care of house business, okay?”

I nodded and smiled.

“Okay,” I said as I hugged my mom for what really felt like the first time, ever. I left them alone in the conference room and I could hear their voices as I closed the door. I kind of wanted to stay and listen but that just wasn’t the kind of person I was anymore. I smiled to myself as I realized how much I’d changed in the last month and walked down the hall, back to the front room where Remy was standing on the stairs, just as she had the night she’d literally outed me to the entire house.

“As you know,” I walked in just as she began to speak. “We have a continuous open bidding system as allowed by Panhellenic, and it means that we have the freed om to welcome new girls into our midst even after rush week. So, you’ll be glad to know that eight new girls have been brought on, finally filling our quota gap!”

I clapped along with everyone else, but I couldn’t help but wonder if the part about the quota gap was even necessary. I shrugged and continued to listen to her.

“Okay so just like before we’ll have a brief pinning ceremony and then we’ll get on with our night so you can have a chance to get to know the new pledges and fill them in on how we do things here!”

Remy stepped down from the stairs and wandered off into the common room where the couches and chairs had already been moved aside. I smiled a bit, remember how scared I had been when I’d been part of this ceremony. It was funny to think that I’d been standing there terrified while every other girl was having the time of their lives.

“Okay everyone!” Laura clapped to get everyone’s attention. “If I could get the new pledges over here please, and if everyone else could stand…over there. We’ll get this underway!”

I watched the eight new girls as they made their way into the common room for the ceremony, and then, suddenly, my heart stopped. She passed right by me without recognizing me, but how long could that last? It was Stephanie Williams, my old nextdoor neighbor. She had been accepted as a pledge. Oh my god.

Synopsis: Allison finally reveals herself to Stephanie, but how will she react?

“Before we have the pinning ceremony,” Remy said, walking to the front of the row. The pledges were facing eachother just as we had during our pinning ceremony. It was a moment that would be seared into my mind for the rest of my life. “There’s a point that I really want to go over first. As you know, Alpha Gamma is an extremely diverse sorority and we believe strongly in furthering the cause of equality. As such, we’re proud to claim the organization’s first transgender pledge.”

Once again, as I should have expected, there was a lot of murmuring, just like before. I cringed a little bit; there was always the chance that at least one person wouldn’t like it, and then what? It was doubtful that one single person could jeopardize my position here. Then again, I didn’t really have a position here; I was just a pledge.

“Wait, what does that mean exactly?” Someone asked. I looked over, it was Stephanie. Stephanie Williams, the girl I’d grown up next to for practically my entire life. “You mean we’d be living with…a guy?”

“She’s not considered to be a guy,” Remy explained. “She’ll be undergoing hormone treatments soon and over the past three weeks she’s proven herself—”

“Wait, no,” Stephanie said, suddenly stepping out of line. “I wanted to join a sorority, not a co-ed frat. I can’t do this.”

“Stephanie,” Laura said, stepping forward. “Maybe if you just meet her you’ll see that—”

“What’s there to see?” Stephanie demanded. “You’re a sorority and you let a GUY in. That’s just…that’s wrong!”

“Allison,” Remy beckoned to me. “Come over here please.”

I was frozen in place. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. My stomach was starting to feel light, numb, like I was about to collapse and literally eat the floor. My mother had literally just warned me that something like this could happen. Where was she now? Where was Brianna? They were in the house right?

“Hey Allison?” Laura said, walking over to me. “We need you over here, hon.”

“This is Allison,” Remy introduced me to Stephanie as Laura walked me over. I must have looked like a mental patient, honestly. I couldn’t even walk under my own power. “As you can see, she’s just like any other girl here.”

“I don’t get it,” Stephanie said, looking me over. “You’re telling me this is a guy?”

Remy looked at me expectantly and raised an eyebrow, almost as if to tell me it was time to start speaking up for myself. She was right.

“I…I’m a girl,” I said timidly. “My name is…my name is Allison.”

“But you have a penis, right?” She demanded.

“I mean I…yeah…but –“

“Um there’s no BUT here,” Stephanie crossed her arms, glaring at me. “If you have a penis you’re a guy. What happens when you move into the house and you start molesting people? You’re a guy, you can’t help it.”

“Stephanie,” Michelle said, stepping forward. “Allison has lived in the house for more than a month and she’s been perfectly well behaved. We don’t view her any differently than any other girl here. Sometimes we even forget that she’s trans.”

“Oh so you FORGET you have a guy living in the house,” Stephanie suddenly sneered. “That’s super irresponsible and you’re putting all of the girls here in danger. You know what? I can’t do this. I’m not staying in a house where you just don’t care about our safety. This is flat out disgusting.”

With that, Stephanie turned on her heel and stormed toward the front door, her heels making a clacking sound against the marble tile as she went. The event suddenly registered in my mind, and I have no idea what possessed me to do it, but I began to follow her.

“Stephanie!” I called out after her as I walked though the threshold and tore out onto the porch. She was already halfway down the walk.

“Leave me alone,” She shouted back. “If you start following me I’ll scream, then you can live out your deluded little fantasy in jail, would you like that? Maybe you’d get it in the butt!”

“Stephanie!” I shouted, this time I dropped the female façade, I screamed it out in my very, very recognizable male voice. She suddenly stopped and turned toward me, glaring at me through squinted eyes.

“Miles?” She demanded. “Is that you?”

I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I took another step toward her and I was expecting her to warm up to me at least a little, but instead she took another step back and shook her head.

“What…what are you even doing?” She demanded. “Why are you dressed like this? You’re some kind of pervert aren’t you? You could never get laid so you decided to start perving on all the sorority girls. SUCH a typical guy thing.”

“Stephanie, that’s not…why are you talking to me like this? We were really close when we were younger. We did things together, we went to movies, walked around the mall…you came over to play video games. I mean, you know I’m not a bad person. You know I wouldn’t—”

“What am I supposed to know?” Stephanie walked toward me angrily. To be honest I thought she was doing to hit me but she stopped short, maybe a foot from me. “You were always leering at me like you wanted something. Do you know how nervous you made me sometimes? And now this? You’re disgusting. Be careful girls, he probably watches you in the shower!”

It didn’t occur to me that she had yelled that last part at anyone in particular, I was too busy concentrating on her.

“Stephanie I…I wasn’t…I wasn’t leering at you. It’s just…I…”

“What?” She demanded. “What were you doing?”

“I was looking at your clothes,” I finally managed to force it out. “I liked…the way you looked in them. I guess…I was kind of jealous that I couldn’t look like that. Okay, I mean I was really jealous. It’s like…I mean…I wanted to be like you, but I couldn’t. At least I thought I couldn’t. I mean if I’d been a little more honest about my feelings with the people around me—”

“Just shut up,” She snarled. “I know what you are. You’re like half a step from raping everyone in this house. I swear to god if I ever catch you in the same bathroom as me I’ll cut your throat.”

“HEY!” I suddenly heard a voice from behind me. I spun around to see that virtually the entire house was standing on the front porch. My mother and sister were tearing down the steps in our direction. Brianna looked like she was about to murder someone. The only time I’d ever seen that look on her face was when I borrowed her iPad without permission that one time. “You presumptuous little slut! Who the HELL do you think you are?!”

I started to say something, but suddenly my mother and Remy were at my side. Mom gently placed a hand on my shoulder and Remy grabbed my left hand, squeezing it.

“Who are you to talk?” Stephanie spat at my sister. “Calling me a slut when you slept with every guy in—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Brianna literally slapped her. She just slammed a hand across her face, knocking her to the ground and sending her rolling across the lawn. She quickly scrambled to her feet, tearing off the heels that she was wearing and charged at my sister. I wanted to step forward but I felt Remy’s hand squeeze mine even harder. What was happening? WHY was this happening? Oh my god, what had I done? Before Stephanie could reach her, Brianna simply reached a hand out, placed it on her forehead and literally stuck her in place as she tried to take a swing, which missed my sister by like a mile. Remy finally let go of my hand and stepped forward, shoving Stephanie back.

“Get off our property,” She said firmly, but calmly. “Or I’ll call the police and you can live out your deluded fantasy in a jail cell. Maybe you’ll get it in the butt.”

“You haven’t heard the end of this!” Stephanie shouted as she stormed off into the night. “I swear to god you’ll regret this, especially you, you little pervert!”

“I think that’s definitely the last of it,” Remy said as she returned to me.

“Sweetie are you okay?” My mom asked, wrapping me in a hug. I wasn’t okay.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking and kind of switching between male and female.

My mother gently guided me back toward the porch where the other sisters and pledges were waiting for us.

“Hey,” One of the new pledges said, stepping toward me as we walked up. “One of my best friends came out as trans last year, I totally support you and I think everyone else here does too.”

That elicited nods of approval and agreement all around.

“You’re…you’re not afraid of me?” I asked shakily. “I mean, what she said…”

“Who cares about what she said?” One of the other new pledges said. “You look like any other girl here, and you act like a girl. I’ve known you for…what, ten minutes? You’re practically dripping in femme. The way you talk, the way you carry yourself, it’s beyond obvious that you’re a girl. I feel safe with you.”

“We all feel safe with you,” Laura said as she stepped forward. “We love you, you’re one of us, okay?”

There were hugs all around, I felt safe, for the moment but I wouldn’t help this nagging feeling that was sitting at the back of my mind. After the pinning ceremony mom came over to me again.

“Hey sweetie,” She said. “I have to fly back to Washington state, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

“Already?” I said, confused. “You just got here.”

“I just came out to see you honey,” She said. “I wanted you to know how proud I am of you and how happy I am that you’ve finally found yourself. Please, don’t listen to what anyone says. Listen to Brianna, listen to your sisters, they love you. But please, don’t let anyone discourage you. You’re my daughter, and you’re special.”

I nodded slowly. I was trying to believe it. She kissed me on the forehead and just like that, she was gone.

“Hey you,” Brianna said as she joined me in front of the stairs. “I think it’s time you get to bed, it’s been a long day.”

“It’s like nine,” I said. “I think I can stay up for a while longer.”

“Allison,” My sister said sternly. “You’ve had a day. Seriously, you’ve had a day and tomorrow is probably going to be more of the same – well, hopefully not more of that crap, but still, pretty busy. Get some sleep so I can wake you up early, okay?”

“Okay,” I finally agreed.

“Remember you have to shower in the morning and it’s probably about time we thought about getting you waxed.”

I hadn’t notice any hair coming in but as always, she probably knew best.

“Okay,” I said as I hugged her and made my way up the stairs. She’d been right: I was exhausted. I changed into a silk nightgown that Remy had given me and washed my makeup off. I climbed under my covers. As I often did, I kind of ran the bottoms of my feet along the satin sheets as I laid under the comforter and allowed it to envelop me. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep, but it didn’t last long, at least not from my perspective.

“Allison,” I hear Brianna’s voice and her hand shaking me. “Allison, come on, wake up.”

I slowly opened my eyes and smiled a little. The light was on, but it was pitch black outside the bedroom window.

“What’s going on? What time is it?” I turned my head and looked at the bedside clock. 3:13 in the morning. I noticed that Remy and Laura were moving around quickly behind her, going through my closet.

“Allison honey, we have to get you out of the house right now.”

Synopsis: After receiving a number of threats, Allison leaves the AG house. Meanwhile, Brianna receives the phone call she’s been dreading.

“Why are we here? What’s going on?” I demanded as Brianna and I walked into her house. Remy had basically shoved me into Brianna’s car and told her to take care of me. No one would tell me anything and I was somewhere between being pissed off and scared for my life.

“I’m going to level with you,” Brianna told me. “Stephanie…did some damage and she did it really quickly. She posted on the Bellcrest Facebook page that the AG’s have a guy living in the house, and….it sparked some anger. Some serious anger. Like, all of those girls have boyfriends in other frats and they think you’re…ugh…this is bullshit. But the whole thread is a dumpster fire.”

“You…you think they’re actually going to hurt me?” I asked. I was feeling confused and frightened; I had read about this kind of thing online but since ‘coming out’ and living in the AG house I hadn’t really experienced. If we’re being honest I was starting to think that other people were exaggerating and that the world really wasn’t as bad as they were making it out to be. Had I been wrong? Was this really happening to me?

“I don’t know,” Brianna shook her head. “But for right now you need to lay low. You’re going to stay here, don’t worry about class.”

“Hold on, wait,” I said. “When can I go back home?”

“I…I’m sorry,” Brianna said. “We have to get this sorted out first.”

“But wait, no!” I started to tear up again. “Brianna I can’t leave AG. Those are my friends, it’s the first place….it’s…it’s the first place I’ve felt like I belonged. I…no this can’t…Brianna please help me.”

“Hey, hey hey,” She sat beside me and wrapped an arm around me. “You’re going to be okay. In the morning, when people are actually awake the university will take care of it. I’ve taken screenshots so we know exactly who is making the threats, and there are a LOT of people standing up for you. I mean a LOT. The people who are against you…they’re a minority but we moved you out of the house tonight because while they ARE a minority, they can still be dangerous. No one is going to find you here, so what I need you to do is go upstairs and get ready for bed. Okay? We’re going to sort all of this out in the morning.”

“Okay,” I finally said. I trudged up the stairs, still wearing the nightgown I’d been in at the AG house; they hadn’t even given me time to change. They’d just packed a few bags for me and sent me out the door. I missed my friends; I’d been so used to having Laura and Michelle down the hall, and Remy always ready to talk. I missed my big sister.

I went to the room I’d stayed in for the week before she’d driven me to my new dorm, though on the way there I paused briefly at her door. I remembered that during that week, pretty much every single time she’d gone to work I’d spent time standing in her walk-in closet sifting through her clothes, and even trying some of them on. It was a little weird, because she was my sister but…well, you know why I did it. Now I was standing here in her house, as the woman I’d always wanted to be. I had my own clothes, I had my own makeup, my name was Allison…things can change so quickly. The last three weeks had been full of wonder but they had taken a sharp left turn so quickly. I closed my eyes briefly and walked past her door, sitting on the bed in her guest room. It didn’t take long for her to walk upstairs holding a pink mug. She smiled as she handed it to me.

“Hot chocolate,” She said. “I even put extra marshmallows in it for you.”

I gave a weak smile and took a sip; it was wonderful. Probably the only silver lining from this horrible experience.

“Look,” She said. “I know this is…bad, but we’re going to get it sorted out. The university has a zero tolerance policy for hate speech so you’ll be back in the AG house before you know it. This is just for a few days, okay?”

I nodded, trying to believe it. It was honestly hard for me to believe that this wasn’t just the beginning of the entire thing falling apart around me. I finished the hot chocolate and Brianna took the cup downstairs. She reappeared a few minutes later and told me to get into bed. The last few weeks had been weird; before I never would have tolerated my sister telling me to go to bed but…

“You’re going to be okay,” She said. “We’ll get this sorted out in the morning, I promise.”

“Brianna?” I kind of sniffled. “I…I don’t want to be alone.”

She thought for a moment and nodded.

“Alright hon,” She said. “Come on.”

She took my hand and led me back down the hall to her room – a place I was very familiar with. She pulled her satin sheets back for me and I climbed into the queen-sized bed, melting into the comforter, exhausted. She switched the light off and climbed into the other side. The last thing I remember before I passed out was her saying: “Hey, don’t sweat all over my bed, okay?”

I think I let her down on that one; I had nightmares. Real nightmares unlike anything I’d experienced in a long time. Deep in the night I dreamed that I was a boy again, and that all of my girl clothes had been taken away. It wasn’t that it has happening in the dream that made it so scary, it was that in my dream it was being done to me by the people I loved. I knew of course that my mother and Brianna would never do anything like that to me, but the feeling of fear and hate barely subsided even as I opened my eyes the next morning. The room was illuminated in a gray light, outside rain was pouring onto the gables, eliciting a roaring sound as each drop slammed against the asphalt roof. It was like a metaphor for my life right now.

I climbed out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I relived myself and wandered down the stairs where Brianna was busying herself at the stove. On her kitchen island there was a plate of bacon, toast, bagels, a pitcher of orange juice, and a few eggs, sunny side up just like I liked them.

“Hey sleepyhead,” She said. “I made breakfast -- oh and Allison, you’re not at the AG house but for god’s sake, do your hair and makeup.”

At the AG house Brianna would never let me show my face downstairs unless I was wearing makeup. I guess it was the same here. I kind of smiled; at least some things never change, right?

“Sorry,” I said. “I guess I—”

“It’s alright,” She waved her hand as she brought a few plates over to the table. I moved the pitcher of orange juice over center and walked to the cupboard to grab some glasses. As we ate, she filled me in on what was happening with the University.

“Okay,” She said. “So for the most part it’s been worked out. The dean was really, really pissed and is pursuing disciplinary action against the people who made the threats. I talked to Remy and a lot of the girls in AG are seriously rethinking their relationships. Not to mention some of the fraternities are rethinking their member base.”

“They’re doing all of that…for me?” I asked, really confused.

“Not so much for you,” She shook her head. “It just showed them that they have a lot of snakes in their midst, most of them don’t want to be known as anti-LGBT fraternities. We’re not going to move you back in today; I want to wait a few days to make sure it all blows over but so far it’s looking really good.”

I smiled, that was great news. I had been starting to think that I would never see the inside of the AG house again. Outside, the storm worsened and a thunderclap shook the house briefly.

“I love the rain,” Brianna smiled. “Remember how much you loved it when you were a kid? I remember when you used to lay on the upstairs couch during storms and just stare up at the ceiling. Like, until you are ten. Then you suddenly started hating storms, you complained about them all the time. What happened there?”

I shook my head and smiled a bit.

“We got satellite TV,” I laughed. “The rain interferes with the signal, couldn’t watch my shows.”

We both laughed for a moment at the absurdity of it all and how those problems that seemed huge back then were pretty stupid now, by comparison. I was eighteen years old and already dealing with some serious adult problems. God, I wished I could go back to the days when I just listened to the rain.

As we finished eating Brianna’s phone rang, she glanced at the caller ID and excused herself. I busied myself with clearing off the table. Since living at the AG house I’d become almost obsessive about doing the dishes; it was something that had been expected of me and several of the girls had painstakingly shown me how to do them properly whether I was putting them in the dishwasher or doing them by hand. One of the requirements was that the sink had to be empty and the rest of the kitchen had to be pristine by the end of the night. I smiled sadly as I remembered a time when Laura had discovered a glass I’d left on the counter and chastised me over it for like half an hour. It sounds stupid, but at least it had made me a little cleaner. I finished putting everything away and then wondered what I should do for the rest of the day. I had my laptop; I could play some games but lately I really hadn’t felt like playing Elder Scrolls Online. I had been so immersed in the Greek social calendar and now I was kind of mourning the fact that I wasn’t part of it. I mean, Brianna had a lot of things to do here; there was Netflix, and there was her PS4 and huge collection of games that either of us had barely touched, though back in the day she’d been a serious RPG enthusiast. I guess her play time had decreased significantly but her tendency to collect games hadn’t. What was I supposed to do then? The next few days were going to be hell.

“Allison?” Brianna appeared at the edge of the kitchen and stared at me, a very serious look on her face.

“Yeah?” I said, looking at her confused.

“Come over here, sit on the couch with me, I want to talk to you.”

I froze in place for a moment. That tone of voice she was using; something was wrong, really wrong.

“Brianna?” I said questioningly.

“Over here,” She said, gesturing toward the couch in the living room. I crossed the room, stepping from the marble kitchen floor onto the carpet and set on her pleather couch. She sat down gently beside me and half-turned to look at me, placing her hands in mine.

“What’s going on?” I said. “Who called you just now?’

“Allison,” She said with a sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, but Panhellenic just called me…it was Amanda Geer. They heard about the incident and Stephanie called them to complain. They…they’re saying that having you in the house is too much of a liability. Effective immediately, they’ve pulled your membership to Alpha Gamma.”

Synopsis: Allison contemplates her fate and makes an unexpected revelation

“Allie? Allie?” I heard Brianna speaking to me but her voice seemed so far away. The sound of the rain had been drowned out by an inner despair that was building up inside me and overtaking my very being. I felt detached; numb, like nothing mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing ever did matter. I felt her touching my arm, trying to get some sort of response from me but I wanted nothing. I wanted to be no one. I wanted my world to fade away into nothingness. I wanted to simply evaporate from that couch and fade away from reality. I was so empty, I was meaningless.

“ALLIE!” I heard Brianna scream.

I looked up at hear slowly with singing, aching eyes. I had drawn my legs up to my body on the couch and I had been rocking back and forth slowly, I don’t know why. I met her gaze but it seemed so…far off. Was she there? Was I there?

“Allie, come on, talk to me,” She said insistently. “It’s not over, we can appeal this, I promise. Allie?”

“I’m…I’m not a girl,” I muttered quietly. “I never…I never…”

“Allie stop it, don’t say that. You’re just as much of a woman as I am." I shook my head violently and began to slowly rise from the couch, stumbling backwards as lighting flashed outside the bay window. Brianna stood up and approached me slowly, probably ready to stop me if I did anything stupid, but what did I care if she…what did I care?

“I’m sorry,” I said to her, staring right through her rather than at her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.”

“No, Allie,” She said urgently. “You are good enough. You’re better than good enough, you’re extraordinary. You’re everything I could ever want in a sister and you’re going to continue being my sister even if this doesn’t get worked out. I love you, we’re family. We have a bond that can’t be broken, don’t you understand that? You don’t have to be an Alpha Gamma for me to love you.”

She was crying, I was crying I guess but I just felt so numb. I couldn’t handle it. I turned and bolted toward the stairs as quickly as I could, stumbling and nearly falling to the floor a few times a I went. I heard her screaming after me, I heard the pounding of her socked feet against the carpeted floor as I ascended the stairs and burst into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. With a click of the lock I was alone, save for her pounding on the door from the hallway.

“Allie, Allie open the door,” She screamed. “Come on, just let me in, we need to talk. ALLIE!”

I stared at myself in her mirror, my face was tear stained and my hair was tangled from sleep. Those hair extensions; the weave that they had put in for me. I wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t. I screamed loudly and began to tear the bathroom apart looking for scissors of some kind. A knife, ANYTHING. There was nothing in here, why was there nothing in here? I pulled the drawers out of the vanity and dropped them onto the floor, falling down once and stoving my finger beneath the drawer as it slammed into the floor. I screamed in pain, drawing more frantic shouting from Brianna outside the door. There was nothing sharp enough in here, so I stood in front of the mirror and began yanking at my extensions. They had to come loose, they had to. I wasn’t a girl. I was an imposter, a fake. I needed to stop deluding myself.

“Allie, please, open the door!” She was pleading now, I could hear the desperation in her voice but I had created an impenetrable barrier between us. It was like she had been cordoned off into another reality; I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve anyone. I had lied to myself, how could I be a girl? One of the extensions began to come loose; I could see a droplet of blood running down my scalp. I screamed in pain and threw myself against the back wall of the bathroom, then regained my balance and continued pulling. Suddenly, the bathroom door burst open and Brianna bounded in. Of course, she had a key.

“Allie what the hell are you doing?!” She shrieked. There was just enough room, I shot past her slipping on a pile of sanitary pads that had fallen onto the floor during my search. She managed to grab me briefly, but I broke free, stumbling into the hallway, bouncing off of the walls like a ping pong ball until I finally slid past the landing and stumbled down the stairs. “Oh Jesus you’re going to kill yourself!”

I shot back down in to the kitchen; I had to get out of the house. I had to run. I couldn’t be here. I couldn’t be Allison. I couldn’t be anyone. As I started to bolt toward the nearest door, I suddenly felt her from behind. She spun me around by the shoulder and literally shoved me to the ground, onto the marble tile and pinned my wrists above my head, pressing her thumbs forward so that they ground into the bone just below my palms. I screamed. I screamed loud. I screamed even louder when she drove a knee into my stomach and pinned me like I was nothing.

I looked up at her with blurred vision, she wasn’t quite glaring, she was just sitting there, out of breath and looking horrified.

“Brianna just let me go, please let me go,” I wailed.

“Shut your god damn mouth,” She hissed. “Look at you, you’re bleeding, what the hell is wrong with you? Is this how an Alpha Gamma girl acts?”

“I’m not an Alpha Gamma girl!” I sobbed. “I’m not even a girl.”

“You ARE a girl,” She insisted. “And you know what? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that all these years I couldn’t see the pain you were feeling inside. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you, I wasn’t a shoulder to cry on. I am so, SO sorry that I wasn’t there for you to talk to but god dammit woman I’m here now and you’re going to talk to me. This isn’t fair to me you little shit. This isn’t fair to me at ALL. I JUST got a new little sister, do you know how long I’ve wanted a little sister? Do you have any idea? Do you know how happy I was to find out that you were here all along? Now that we’re both here, we’re going to talk, we’re going to get to know eachother, and we’re going to figure this whole thing out. Don’t dismiss me just because things didn’t go your way.

“It’s…it’s not just that,” I said, trying to shift a little, but Brianna had me pinned; I couldn’t move an inch, it even hurt to move my fingers. I gave her a pained look, but she refused to release her grip on me.

“Then what is it?” She demanded. “Explain it to me.”

“What are they going to think of me? What is Remy going to think? I couldn’t make it…I couldn’t even become a full sister after that put so much work…into me.”

“Allie, why do you care that much? I know it’s Alpha Gamma but you can graduate without being in a sorority; there are so many other things that you can do with your life. Yeah, mom and I were happy that you made it into the house and we were really, really proud that you stuck it out, but you getting kicked out? That’s not your fault. You stuck through, you stayed the course, and you would have finished. You may STILL finish, this isn’t over. Don’t worry about disappointing Remy.”

“But I am worried about it,” I sobbed.

“Why?” She demanded insistently.

“BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” I screamed, trying again to force my way out of the sister’s grip. The look on her face turned into one of realization but instead of loosening up she bore down harder on me, making sure I couldn’t move a muscle.

“What?” She said. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m in fucking love with her! I love everything about her and I want her to love me but I know that can never happen because she’s my big sister and she’s the president and…and I can’t start anything with anyone in the house. I just want to make her happy and doing well in AG is the ONLY thing I have! It’s not fair! None of this is fucking fair!”

“Okay you know what?” My sister said as she maintained a firm grip on me. “I think it’s damn fair.”

“What?” I shook my head. “How can you say that?”

“Oh it’s really easy,” She growled. “Look at everything you have! You might not have Alpha Gamma, the house, but you have all the friendships that you made there. You made friends that you’re going to have for LIFE. You have Remy, Laura, Cassandra, Michelle. You have a renewed relationship with me and mom, you have yourself. You have a support network that most trans people would kill to have and yet you’re still sitting here acting like you have it worse than anyone in the world? You’re worth a lot, Allison. You’re worth more than just the title of Alpha Gamma sister. You’re a beautiful young lady and you have a huge, bright future ahead of you full of people who love you. I want you to fucking repeat it back to me, tell me you’re beautiful.”

“I…” I couldn’t say it, but she more down on me harder and stared at me intently. “I’m beautiful.”

“Say it again!”

“I’m beautiful!”

“You’d better fucking believe it,” She said. “I’m going to let you up, are you going to act like a sane person?”

I tried to nod but I could barely move my head, so she just let up a little bit. She moved back and pulled me up into a sitting position, taking me into her arms as I wailed into her chest.

“It’s okay,” She reassured, me, stroking the back of my head. “It’s going to be okay, I promise. We’re going to work this out and even if it doesn’t go the way we want it, we’re going to figure something out. You’re still going to go to school and you’re still going to be Allison. Okay?’

“Okay,” I sniffled and continue letting her hold me. Despite everything, it felt good to be loved. Suddenly, I felt her look up, toward the kitchen entryway.

“Um, Remy?” She said. “How…long have you been there?”

Synopsis: Remy is forced to accept some hard truths about Alpha Gamma while Allison tries to figure out what kind of person she really is.

“Um, Remy?” She said. “How…long have you been there?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Remy said dismissively. “Allison, you’re bleeding, what happened?”

“I…” I trailed off, still holding Brianna tightly.

“Okay, we’ll deal with that in a minute. There are a few things I need to talk to both of you about so…”

Brianna patted me on the arm and motioned for me to stand up. As we sat down at the table, she patted my forehead down with a damp towel to clear up the blood, though I had the feeling it wasn’t going to just go away. What had I done to myself?

“She’s going to need stitches,” Brianna remarked. “We’ll have to drive her to the hospital really soon, before this gets infected.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Remy said as she examined my head. “Allison, you can’t do things like this, seriously. I know you’re upset and hurt but my god, think before you act, okay?”

“I just…I don’t feel like…I mean, they made me feel like less of a woman I guess,” I tried to explain. Remy looked at me sympathetically and laid a hand on my knee.

“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about,” She said. “First and foremost, you’re a woman, Allison, as much of a woman as any I’ve seen, even if you have blood running down your face and you haven’t put your makeup on. Secondly, I filed an appeal on your behalf.”

“I was hoping you’d do that,” Brianna said as she leaned against the table, putting her hands out in front of her. “It’s not going to be easy, though. I feel like they did this on purpose.”

“You know,” Remy nodded. “It kind of feels like they let her in with the intention of letting her go as soon as something went wrong – and it did. Normally with a situation like this Panhellenic would investigate before they took such a drastic action. In this case, they didn’t and we all know why. They want to push this under the rug and forget that Allison even exists. It won’t look bad, they can make it go away as long as the chapter doesn’t complain, and they know we won’t because we could lose our charter, and in some cases, our scholarships if Panhellenic decides to make it look like we were complicit. It also depends on Allison not complaining because she pretty much feels defeated at this point.”

“So what are you saying?” Brianna demanded. “Are you saying you guys are just going to sit back and let this happen?”

“No,” Remy shook her head. “We had a conference early this morning about what we would do. All of the active members are in favor of coming forward. We don’t appreciate being used like this and we don’t appreciate them throwing Allison under the bus.”

“That’s…pretty bold,” Brianna said. I was listening but I wasn’t quite sure what was happening here. What did it even mean?

“It’s a risk,” Remy agreed. “And you know that Allison is going to have to pull her weight or this is all for nothing. Can you do that, Allison?”

Both Remy and Brianna stared at me. I had no idea what to say. What did they even want me to do?

“Okay, Allison,” Brianna said to me, leaning in a little bit. “Remy filed an appeal on your behalf with Panhellenic. That means you’re going to need to speak in front of the board. Can you do that?”

“I…I guess,” I said. “What should I say?”

“Can’t really tell you that,” Remy said. “Just make sure it’s good, because all of our lives are depending on it.”

“I want you to understand,” Brianna said to me as she stared directly into my eyes. “While I 100% agree with what they’re doing for you, you need to recognize that they’re taking a huge risk. This could get the chapter dissolved or at least placed under massive restrictions. I mean, no pressure but you didn’t pledge to Panhellenic, you pledged to your sisters and those sisters are about to go to bat for you. This is what it’s all about. Are you ready?”

“I think so,” I nodded. “I mean I…”

“Over the next few days you need to come up with what you’re going to say and you need to make it good. You need to give them a reason to let you back in because in a way, you’re literally fighting for trans rights. This is big, Allison, really big, and I want you to know that I’m so proud of you for taking it on.”

“Thank you…Brianna,” I nodded. “I just hope I don’t screw it up.”

“In about a week you’ll need to fly out to Indiana,” Remy said. “I’m going to go with you. Brianna will come with us too. You’re not going to be alone.”

“Indiana?” I said. “That’s…why?”

“That’s where our house is headquarter, Allison,” Brianna told me. “You’re going to go stand before the board and you’re going to give them a speech. Speak from the heart, be yourself. It’s going to be intimidating but please, remember we’re here for you. I’ll see if I can get mom to fly out too, okay?”

“Now with that aside,” Remy said as she inspected my head. “We’re going to have to get you to the hospital like, right now. Oh, and please, don’t do this again, we don’t want you to go to National looking like a Ragedy Anny doll, okay?”

Brianna shook her head and helped me to my feet. She had me change into a pair of sweats before taking me outside, and thankfully her car was in the garage, so we didn’t have to walk through the rain. They loaded me into the back seat and Remy chose to sit with me rather than riding up front with Brianna; that was a nice touch. As Brianna drove us further into town I listened in silence to the sound of the rain splattering against the windshield and zoned in on the cars passing us. Water sloshing against tires and the hum of the road beneath the chassis. For a little while, just a little, I was able to enjoy the rain again, and I had my sister, and Remy to thank for it.

“We’re here,” Brianna announced as she pulled under the emergency room awning. “Take her in, I’ll catch up with you.”

At the front desk, Remy explained why we were there. She simply explained to the receptionist that I’d gotten my hair caught in a car door and tried to pull it out. That was as good of an explanation as any.

“Okay, let’s fill out these forms,” Remy said as we sat down and she began reading over the clipboard. “Your name is…oh yeah, Miles Parsons. Do you know your social security number?”

I cringed a little at hearing my old name, I don’t think she noticed. I gave her all the information as Brianna finally walked through the door and took a seat beside us.

“Uh, insurance?” Remy asked. Brianna handed an insurance card across to Remy to attach to the clipboard. Why did she have my insurance card? I was on Mom’s insurance yeah, but…I felt like they controlled like every aspect of my life sometimes. Okay, I guess in some ways they did and I think I was enjoying it to an extent; maybe I liked being coddled but I also recognized that it was coming to an end. I was going to have to stand in front of National and speak. They were actually depending on me, and it didn’t feel good.

“You good?” Brianna asked, looking across me at Remy.

“Yeah, we’ve got this,” Remy said as she stood and carried the clipboard back up to the receptionist. We sat there and waited for a bit and fortunately the waiting room wasn’t very busy.

“Miles?” A nurse called out. I stood and expected to walk back there by myself, but Brianna stood with me and squeezed my hand. I looked to Remy who remained seated and smiled at me encouragingly.

We followed the nurse down a brief hallway and were eventually directed to a small curtained off section. I sat on the bed while Brianna took the chair.

“Look at that,” Brianna joked after the nurse left. “First class accommodations.”

“Mmm I kinda like the AG house better,” I said.

“Better than my house?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Well…” I trailed off. She laughed. It was good that we were able to laugh.

“Okay, Miles!” The doctor said as he walked in with a clipboard. “So you got your hair caught in a car door?”

“Yeah,” I answered using my feminine voice.

“Well, let’s take a look young man,” He said. Brianna scowled at him but he didn’t seem to take notice.

“Excuse me, doctor?” Brianna spoke up. “My sister identifies as a female.”

The doctor ignored her as he examined my head.

“We’ll just wash that out with antibiotics and stitch it up,” He said. “Give me one second.”

He briefly left the room and Brianna mouthed ‘Are you okay?’ at me. I nodded. I wasn’t okay. The doctor and nurse returned, quickly numbing the wound and stitching it up. I barely felt a thing, but throughout the entire procedure he constantly referred to me as ‘he’. I didn’t get it. I was wearing girl’s sweats, I had long hair and I sounded like a girl; or at least I thought I did. What the hell was wrong with this guy.

“Okay, Mr. Parsons,” The doctor finally said. “You’re ready to go. Try to keep your hair out of car doors – even though we both know that’s not what really happened.”

“EXCUSE ME,” Brianna finally stood up from the chair and glared at the doctor. “Why are you calling my sister a man?”

“I’m just going by what’s on the paperwork,” The doctor said. “And his ID says male. I’m going to go by his ID, and what’s obviously on the birth certificate.”

“Allison, let’s go,” Brianna said, taking me by the arm and guiding me out of the emergency room. “What a crock of shit.”

“We ready to go?” Remy asked as we walked out.

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Brianna growled as we passed her and she joined us.

“What happened back there?” Remy asked, confused.

“Douchebag doctor kept calling her a man,” Brianna said. “I’m filing a complaint. This is bullshit.”

“Okay so on the bright side,” Remy said. “Your hair looks pretty good. We can cover that scar up. I’m only saying that because you need to look good if you’re going to go in front of national. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Have to make a good impression.”

“That’s right,” Brianna said. “There’s a lot riding on this but you have some time to figure it all out. For now, let me go get the car so we can go get something to eat.”

“Where should we go?” Remy asked. “I like Steak n Shake but sometimes I can’t figure out if they have more than two employees working. Um, what about Dennys?”

“Too greasy,” Brianna said. “What about a buffet?”

“Are you crazy?” Remy said as she raised an eyebrow. “I need to keep weight off and you’re going to take me to a place where I can just shove food into my cock holster for hours on end?”

“Did…you just call your mouth a cock holster?” I asked.

“What? No,” Remy said dismissively. “Okay what about that Chinese place up by the mall?”

“I like Chinese,” I said, tying to be helpful.

“I don’t want to be hungry again in half an hour,” Brianna said.

As they argued about food I couldn’t help but concentrate on my impending doom. Was I going to screw this up? The chances of me being re-admitted were slim, and the worry began to creep into my mind. This could be the beginning of the end.

Synopsis: Insert a bunch of words here that relate to the text that you’re about to read.

“Allison! Allison wake up!” Brianna said cheerily as she tore back the curtains and bathed my face in the morning light. “Look at that, the sun has been up for HOURS. My god were you going to sleep all day?”

“I was trying,” I said, yawning.

“Well too bad, lazybones,” She said with a slight grin on her face. “We have to take you to get waxed and you have your first laser hair removal appointment today. Are you ready?”

“Wait,” I said. “What are you talking about? I didn’t schedule that.”

“Yeah, but I did,” She said smugly. “Come on, get up, get showered, I’ll make breakfast, you’re going to have a great day.”

“I’m not sure how I can have a great day,” I muttered. “I mean with all this…”

“Come on, sis,” She said, suddenly she was tossing my covers aside and pulling me out of bed. I groaned as my feet hit the carpet and she helped me up as if I were a rag doll. Why was she so much stronger than me? Seriously? How much did this bitch work out? “Go, go, go! I already picked out an outfit for you!”

I walked into the bathroom and got washed up. On the back of the door I could see the outfit she’d picked for me; just white blouse and a black shirt; nice. I dressed and brushed my hair with a wide-tooth comb; I couldn’t do any better than that without pulling at my stitches but fortunately my hair was pretty smooth. I paused for a moment and wondered whether or not I should do my makeup; no, probably not if I was going for laser hair removal, right? I shrugged and walked out of the bathroom, only to find Brianna standing in the hall. She pointed at the bathroom door.

“Makeup,” She said simply. I turned and walked back into the bathroom. “I know it’s a hassle but you’re going to feel better with it on.”

I kind of sighed and did as she said, happy that I was at least getting better at it. Maybe all of this unnecessary practice was actually paying off. Who knew, right.

“Okay, come on, come on,” She hurried me as I walked out of the bathroom “We’ve got a full day ahead of us!”

“What,” I said. “You mean the laser thing?”

“Yeah, that and other things,” She said, directing me downstairs and toward the garage. I never had time to do anything on my own anymore, I swear. Was I complaining? Well no, probably not. I thought for a moment that maybe she was trying to keep my mind off of things by keeping my schedule clear and then I wondered how exactly she had taken so much time off of work. Did she take a vacation? No, that wasn’t any of my business. I took the passenger seat and sat there silently as she listened to public radio. At least it wasn’t raining today.

We finished with the waxing pretty quickly and then moved on to the laser hair removal which was less of an ordeal than I thought it would be. It turns out that the first session is just a sample spot examined by a doctor who would determine if you had an adverse reaction. She said I got a good result and then scheduled my next session. It didn’t bother me much but you know, that laser hurt a bit so I had to wonder what it would feel like when they were running it over my entire face. Maybe that was something I didn’t really want to think about.

“So where to next?” I asked Brianna as I walked out of the back and we headed out to her car once again.

“I booked us a spa day,” She said. “We’re going to get a massage, facials, the whole nine yards.”

“We are?” I said. “I…don’t I have to get naked for that?”

“You just got naked at the salon,” She said. “It’s not that much different.”

“Well yeah but…I’ve been there before. They knew what to expect.”

“You’re going to be fine, sis,” She said. “Look; I want you to enjoy today. I really do, because the days ahead are going to be difficult for you. I think you’re going to overcome and pull through, and I’ll be there EVERY step of the way but this is going to be a lot for you; do you understand?”

“Yeah, I do, I mean I think I do,” I said. She nodded slowly as she pulled out of the parking lot and took the exit ramp onto the freeway.

“Allie,” She said. “You…when I drove you to your dorm a little over a month ago you were a kid. Seriously, you had no idea what the world was like and if we’re being honest I didn’t really care if you found out or not. I though you were so rude and I couldn’t wait for you to grow up a little. Well guess what…you grew up. I’m kind of sad to think about how much more growing you’re about to do. Things are…going to change. I want to know you and love you as you are for a little while, if you can understand.”

“I think so,” I said. “I feel different…than I did before I came here and did all of this.”

“You are, and I’m sorry you had to experience so much so quickly, but there’s no going back now. Let’s just enjoy today, okay?”

“Okay.”

The spa visit was about what I had expected but I’d never experience anything like that firsthand. By the time we were done my body felt absolutely amazing. I was light as a feather and I think I practically skipped to the car. It was 4:40 PM by the time we were done with everything and Brianna called ahead to order pizza as we sped back toward her house.

“You still like banana peppers, right?” She asked me as she spoke to the pizza shop. I nodded and she continued with the order.

“Okay yeah,” She said. “I’d like…five…no make that six, six is good.”

“Jesus, Brianna,” I said. “We’re not feeding an army.”
“I like left overs,” She shrugged and then went back to her order, detailing every single pizza. I kind of rolled my eyes and stared out the window, as the scenery went by. “You going to get that?”

“Huh?” I looked at her quizzically and then noticed that my phone was ringing. I had no idea how long it had been doing that. “Oh…yeah…”

Without even bothering to check the caller ID I slid the green answer button to the right and said hello.

“Hello,” A voice on the other end said. “Is this Allison Parsons?”

“Yes, may I ask whose calling?” I said as politely as I could. Somehow my sister and all of AG had politeness into me over the last month and taught me to answer all questions in kind of a non-committal, upbeat tone. I thought it was stupid at first but after a while I realized that it really did sound more feminine.

“This is Malcom Hendrick, Dean of Students at Bellcrest, how are you doing today? I needed to talk to you about the incident that occurred…a few days ago. You know, just to get some of the facts from you, you’re not in trouble, we just need to make sure everything’s cleared up, can you stop by tomorrow?”

“Uh…yeah, I can do that,” I said kind of quietly. I’d seen the dean around but the fact that he was speaking to me? That was different. Why did he need to talk to me specifically? What was going on?

“Thank you Ms. Parsons,” He said. “I’ll see you tomorrow at three PM, if that’s alright?”

“Yes, that sounds fine,” I said, hanging up the phone.

“Who was that?” Brianna asked curiously, pulling into her driveway and opening the garage door.

“It was…the Dean…he wants to talk to me tomorrow about the…incident.”

“That’s not surprising,” Brianna said. “It made the news.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah,” She said, as she threw the car in park and we climbed out into the garage. “It was posted on the University’s webpage so like five different new agencies got ahold of it. Stephanie gave them your old name so people have been asking around about you. I…didn’t tell you because you’ve had enough on your plate, but the whole thing went nationwide. It started a huge debate. It’s not really a new thing because there are a lot of sororities allowing trans girls in now, but it was a big deal because it was Alpha Gamma. AG has been kind of a stickler about tradition, so people are wondering exactly how this happened. I’ve been fielding phone calls for the past few days, people want to interview you.”

“Oh my god,” I whispered. “What…the…hell?”

“It’s not something you need to worry about today,” She said. “But, when you go in to talk to the dean tomorrow I’m going with you. I don’t want you to get swarmed.”

“I can’t believe…how did I not know this?” I was so confused.

“Did you check the news at all?” She asked. “Haven’t you noticed how busy I’ve kept you?”

“I…guess…” I probably should have been mad at her but I couldn’t be. I kind of felt like she was right.

“Let’s just get inside, watch a movie and have some pizza. You can worry about the world tomorrow, okay? I want you to just…enjoy tonight. Like I said, the days ahead are going to be rough.”

I let it go for the moment and walked into the house.

“Hey, what movie are we going to watch?” I called out to Remy. She had so many, and we had Netflix. How were we supposed to choose?

“I’m thinking like maybe ‘The Babysitter’, it’s a really good Netflix Original, or maybe we could go with a chick flick?” She called from the other room. As she was shouting out to me, the doorbell rang. “Hey that’s the pizza, can you go get that?”

“Yeah,” I called back and made my way from the living room to the front door. I unlocked the deadbolt and pulled the door open; it wasn’t the pizza. “Remy? Laura? Cassandra? Um…all of AG? What are you guys doing there?”

“It’s movie night, bitch,” Remy said as she gave me a hug and pushed past me followed by pretty much all of the AG girl who gave me a hug as they passed by. What the hell was going on?

“Heyyyy!” Brianna said as she met them by the stairs. “Thank you SO much for coming!”

“Are you kidding me?” Laura laughed. “We’ve been wanting to come since it happened.”

“Allison,” Michelle said, turning to me. “You’re our sister, even if you were just a pledge. We’re not going to leave you behind, okay?”

“I…I….thank you,” I said. “I was starting to feel lost without you guys…”

“Don’t worry,” Laura smiled to me. “You have your appeal coming up and you’re going to nail it, okay? In the meantime let’s just watch some movies and pretend everything’s fine, it’ll be great.”

“Well…what are we going to watch?” I asked. “I mean we have so many things to choose from.”

“Oh, we could watch Greek!” A random girls suggested. Everyone turned to look at her as if she was insane.

“Okay,” Remy said. “Why don’t we stay a little bit further from real life?”

Everyone laughed. I laughed. For tonight, for just this one night, everything was going to feel normal again. Maybe for right now I didn’t have to concentrate on the feeling of impending doom that was creeping over me. But the storm was coming.

Synopsis: I’m having a bad day, so fuck actually putting anything here.

“Hello, Allison, my name is Doctor. McKee,” The huge white-coated man said to me. At least form my perspective he was huge; I wasn’t really a big person anyway was I? “What can I help you with today?’

You know what? I seriously hate it when doctors ask questions like that. They KNOW why you made the appointment, they KNOW why you’re there. It seemed to silly to make me blurt it all out once again, you know, considering my chart obviously said ‘male’ and here I was dressed as a 95% passable female.

“I’m uh…I’m looking to start hormones,” I said sheepishly. “I was uh…told that there was an informed consent thing where I can get started right away?”

“Well, not quite right away,” He admitted. “First I need to get some history from you and then we’re going to need to draw some blood to check your current hormone levels. So, I’d like to start with….how long have you felt that you were a woman?”

“Well,” I said thoughtfully “When I was a kid I always thought something was wrong, you know? I…felt like I should have been a girl, but I didn’t really grasp the full consequences. I tried on my sister’s clothes when she wasn’t at home, and…my mom had this friend who would come over sometimes; I always liked her stuff and when she would stay the night I would sneak into the living room and borrow her tops. I thought I was weird…later on when I finally got access to the internet I kind of figured out what it was all about and…I guess it took me a while to really accept that I could actually be a woman.”

“And what was it that led you to finally physically transition?” He asked curiously. I thought for a moment.

“I really wasn’t going to,” I explained. “But then I decided to rush every sorority on campus dressed in drag and it pissed enough of them off that Alpha Gamma blackmailed me into joining them, built me up just enough, and then tossed me to the curb like yesterday’s news. So are we doing the hormone thing or what?”

“Oh wait, it’s you!” Doctor McKee exclaimed. “I know you! You’ve been all over the news!”

“Yeah, so I hear,” I shrugged. “My sister’s kind of been hiding me away, has it really been that big?”

“I’d say so,” McKee nodded. “The words blackmail haven’t been thrown around but Alpha Gamma hasn’t said much about it. I really hope that turns out okay for you.”

“I have to speak in front of their board,” I explained. “But no matter what happens, I’m still a girl and that’s not something that they can change.”

“Good for you,” He said. “We’ll start by getting your blood and running some tests. If all comes back well, then we should be able to start you on hormones as early as next week.”

“That would be…awesome,” I really meant it. The idea of actually starting hormones? It was something I could scarcely imagine really.

“I need you to read over this packet then,” He said, handing me an envelope. “This basically goes over everything you need to know about starting cross-sex hormones. The side effects, dangers, you know, usual stuff. Once you read it, sign it, bring it back and you should be ready.”

I looked at the front of the packet and was nearly breathless as I read the words ‘MTF’ on the front of it. Male to Female. Someone acknowledged me. Someone official. This was happening; I was on my way to becoming a woman and not just in looks. I was going to change on the inside and despite all of the horrible things that were happening right in front of me. I finished up the appointment and thanked the doctor. Brianna was waiting for me in the lounge area reading a ‘Better Homes and Gardens’ magazine.

“I was thinking of getting a Venus fly trap,” She said. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Uh, that don’t live very long,” I shrugged. “They can close like five times before they die. A new one sprouts up but it’s kind of depressing, and you’d need a house full of flies to feed them.”

“We could start leaving windows open?” She suggested as she closed the magazine and stood to join me in walking out. “Oh, did you get your hormones?”

“I have to wait for a blood test,” I explained. “It’s complicated.”

“Medical stuff always is,” She sighed. “But I’m proud of you for coming this far. How does it feel?”

“It feels great,” I smiled as we walked through the front doors and toward her car. “Thank you so much for supporting me.”

“You’re absolutely welcome,” She said. “Let’s go to the school and talk to the Dean, alright?”

“Yeah,” I smiled, though I still have no idea what the man wanted. She drive us to the school but instead of parking in the front lot, she parked in a secondary lot that I had no idea existed. “What is this?”

“It’s just a secret entrance,” She explained. “Well sort of. Um, it’s like…it’s a maintenance hatch but they use it to bring in supplies and stuff…like tools, or food for the cafeteria. It keeps the front doors from getting too crowded. We’re going to ride the elevator up to the admin floor, it’ll be quick and easy alright?”

“Alright,” I smiled. We walked from the car to a set of steel double doors which she opened for me, and then we crossed through an underground tunnel made of cinderblock with pipes flanking us on both sides. The light inside was kind of a pee yellow and my eyes had trouble adjusting at first. Nevertheless we made it to the end and entered the elevator. Pressing the ‘5’ button, Brianna took us up to the administration level. As the doors opened onto a hallway and a waiting room, I could suddenly feel eyes upon me. I wondered, did they know who I was? Did they have recent pictures? No, that was impossible.

“Hey Cathy,” Brianna said as we approached the reception desk. “This is Allison, she’s here to see the dean, she should have an appointment?”

The receptionist regarded me carefully and then nodded.

“You’re actually right on time, hold on,” She pressed a button on her desk. “Dean Hendrick, Ms. Parsons is here to see you.”

I immediately heard murmuring behind me from the few people that were seated outside the office. They had definitely heard of me.

“Uh yeah, thanks, send her in,” I heard a male voice reply. The lady gestured toward the door and as I walked I could feel Brianna beside me still. She wasn’t going to let me walk in there alone and I didn’t want to fight her on it. I needed her. When I was a guy I was content to do things on my own but as I came into my own, as a woman, I realized I was relying more and more on other women around me. It was a big change and it wasn’t one I minded.

We passed through the wooden door and into a huge office, it kind of looked like a study, really. Books lining the walls and the dean sitting at a huge wooden desk at the front, framed by a huge picture window flanked by curtains.

“Come on, come in,” The dean said, standing up. “I’m Dean Malcom Hendricks and you must be Allison, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“It’s very nice to meet you,” I smiled as I reached out and shook his hand.

“I have a pretty packed schedule today,” He said. “So we’ll go ahead and get down to business here. You’ve been part of the Alpha Gamma house for the past…month, or so I’m led to believe?”

I nervously looked to Brianna for some support but she simply stared straight ahead. She wanted me to do this myself.

“Yes,” I replied. “Until recently, that is. They revoked my membership.”

“Did they say why?” He asked curiously.

“They said it was a liability,” I watched him think about it for a moment and then he nodded.

“That aside,” He said. “I don’t know for sure if you saw the threats that were made against you, I hear you were rushed out of the Alpha Gamma house pretty quickly and kept in seclusion, at least that’s what I was assured of. Now I want you to know that Bellcrest University does not condone threats of these kind against anyone, for any reason. We’ve combed through every single comment and identified the students that made the threats-“

“What about Stephanie? The girl who mad the post?” Brianna asked. “She causes this, so shouldn’t something be done about her?”

“We considered it,” Dean Hendrick said. “But technically she didn’t make a threat and she does seem remorseful, so we’re going to let that slide for now. What we would like you to know, however, is that you are perfectly safe here at Bellcrest.”

“Is there anything you can do about Alpha Gamma?” I asked curiously. “About…you know…”

“Unfortunately not,” He shook his head. “We don’t dictate how the Greek houses handle their membership but…I did want to say something on that. The world we’re living in right now is a much different one than when I attended Bellcrest University myself. We’re accepting different things and establishing a new normal, so to speak. It can be confusing, and disconcerting, but all change is. There was a time when people of color weren’t allowed to drink from the same fountain as whites or use the same bathrooms. There was a time when homosexuality was viewed as a mental illness. We’ve moved past it, obviously but it wasn’t because the world just evolved on its own. The truth is that people, people like you have to be agents of change. You have the…unfortunate circumstance of being a pioneer in a movement that’s just taking off. You might not want to think of it as a movement but right now it is. It’s the movement of being accepted and understood, to be given the same privileges as others. I may not fully understand what it means to be transgender, but as an educated man I can recognize that you have an opportunity and a responsibility. The question, is what you’re going to do about it.”

“What…are you telling me to do?” My eyes darted around the room. I had no idea what was going on.

“I’m telling you to make a difference,” Dean Hendrick said. “My position here is mostly political, I make decisions but I also have the ear of the board. As the dean I would tell you to avoid making waves. As a human being I’m telling you to stand up and fight. In any case, I have to get to my next appointment, it was very nice meeting you both.”

Brianna and I made our way to the car once again; it had been an incredibly confusing day and as always my head was spinning. What was I supposed to do exactly? What COULD I do? By myself, probably nothing. But then again, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t have to do it by myself.

Synopsis: Allison faces the Alpha Gamma board and is forced to make a split-second decision.

“Remy, I’m scared,” I think I was cutting circulation off to her hand with how hard I was squeezing. We were sitting in a conference room that was far larger than the one at Alpha Gamma, and with a tiered floor. It was more like a courtroom if we’re being honest. I was really, really scared. What had led us up to this exactly? How could we get things back to the way they were before? Was that even possible?

“Just remember to speak from your heart,” Remy whispered back to me reassuringly as the room began to fill up. We had just flow nhere on what should have been a four hour-flight but connections had stretched it out to a full eight. By the time we’d landed, finally, my back was sore, I was anxious, and Brianna had had to do my makeup in the hotel room because I couldn’t keep my hands steady enough.

“You’re going to be okay,” Brianna said, sitting on the other side of me. We were situated in a kind of observation box, I would have called it a jury box if this were a courtroom. Maybe this kind of was a courtroom.

“You know what, you’re right,” I smiled. “And I have the dean on my side so…”

Brianna slowly turned her head and stared at me, studying me for a moment. I could feel Remy doing the exact same thing. Had I said something wrong?

“Okay, Allison,” Brianna said very flatly and patted my knee. “Let’s just get through this.”

“Yeah…” Remy trailed off, staring at the far wall.

“What’s wrong with you guys? He said-“ I started, but Brianna shushed me as a door on the far side of the room opened. My eyes swept across the space, taking in the massive AG logo that was designed into the carpet and the podium in front of it. That was probably going to be for me. To be honest this wasn’t exactly the big event I had expected; it wasn’t like a stadium or anything, or a massive lecture hall. This was…underwhelming. I was suddenly kind of glad that mom couldn’t make it out; who would want to fly out from Washington for this?

The room was quickly filled with women of varying ages, mostly in their 50’s, I think. I immediately Recognized Amanda Geer, a blonde woman in her 30’s, well dressed and armed with a messenger bag of sorts. She took a seat near the head of the conference table and began reading through a stack of papers; I’m sure they had something to do with me. The three of us sat quietly as ladies took their seats and an older lady at the head of the table banged a gavel.

“That’s Lydia Petrello,” Brianna whispered to me. “She’s the president of Alpha Gamma, the entire sorority.”

“I’d like to call this meeting to order,” She said. “We’re here to discuss the appeal of Allison Parsons, former pledge of Alpha Gamma, Bellcrest chapter. I’m going to start this off by saying that while we do recognize Allison as a woman, we are still burdened with a certain responsibility toward the safety of our members. The threats against Allison in one single night were substantial enough that we believed there to be a legitimate danger to the house, and therefore we made the decision to remove her from the situation. That being said, it is unlikely that we will reverse our decision, but we will still hear Ms. Parson’s appeal.”

It was then I fully understood the gravity of the situation; they weren’t going to let me back in, they’d simply called me here so that they could say they’d listened to my appeal, that I’d been given a fair chance. This wasn’t really a fair chance, was it?

“Ms. Parsons?” Amanda Geer was looking at me from her side of the conference table. “Would you like to make your appeal?”

I glanced over at Remy, she was stone-faced; she had picked up on it as well as I had. Of course, she did. I wanted to just say no, I felt so defeated that I wanted to just tear out of the conference room and keep running, and running, and running, and never look back. What was even the point of pressing forward? No, no I couldn’t do that. This was over, I had lost, but how it ended, that was up to me. I pushed myself out of the chair, straightening my skirt as I made my way out of the box and timidly pressed on toward the center of the room. I’m pretty sure they could all hear my heart pounding away in my chest and suddenly I wished I could be anywhere else. Anywhere. Anywhere but here, come on, what had I gotten myself into? I gripped both sides of the podium and looked back to Brianna and Remy who both looked at me encouragingly. I noticed that Brianna had her phone out; was she recording this? I looked back toward the front of the room where Amanda Geer and the other women were looking back at me expectantly.

“I came here today,” I started. “To make a case for why I should be allowed back into Alpha Gamma. I had a speech ready and everything but as I stand here carefully measuring the climate of the room, I’m starting to see it as more and more of an exercise in futility. So, instead of begging for my life, metaphorically, I want to take a minute to reflect on what Alpha Gamma gave me. At this point it’s so much more than just those Greek letters or the rituals, or the charity work, though I’m not…I’m not going to deny that I like those. It all gave me a sense of belonging and a look into a world that I never in a million years thought I could be a part of. But you know what really stands out from the whole experience? Sisterhood, friendship…love. I experienced love that…I never thought I could get. I was so alone before all of this, I just sat in my dorm room playing video games and wishing I could be somewhere else…somewhere like Alpha Gamma. Alpha Gamma gave me everything I needed, they saved me, even thought they scared me pretty badly at first. I can’t describe the horror I felt when I realized my entire family knew that I was…at AG. Or how terrified I was when my own sister came to take my pledge. But it gave me a sense of belonging, and it made me feel like I was part of something so much greater than myself. I don’t want to talk about what Alpha Gamma took away from me, but rather what it can’t take away. It can’t take away the friends that I made, it can’t take away the sisterhood that we share or the bonds that we formed. It can’t take away the fact that my sisters, all of them, helped to make ‘Allison’ a reality rather than just a figment of my imagination. A few weeks ago, I took a pledge; I pledged my loyalty to Alpha Gamma. Today I’m going to make a different pledge. Allison’s Pledge. I pledge to remain loyal to my sisters no matter what the outcome of this appeal. I pledge to be there beside them no matter what path I take in life. I pledge to love them, as if they were my own family, because they are, blood or not. I pledge to fight for them, not as a member of Alpha Gamma, but as a woman, because the one, single most important thing that Alpha Gamma taught me, was what womanhood is all about. Thank you for your time.”

I took a deep breath; there was absolute silence in the room. You probably could have heard a pin drop all the way back at Bellcrest and then cut through the tension with a knife and then had to go get a chainsaw because that little knife just wasn’t going to do it.

“Ms…Parsons, we will consider your remarks,” Lydia said. “We’ll meet back here in half an hour.”

Within seconds the room was empty again, just as it had started out. I looked back to the box to see Brianna and Remy looking at me carefully. Yeah, I had screwed up, badly. It felt right but it had been the wrong thing to do, no question. But hey, at least this way I went down and not the entire chapter. Remy slowly stood and exited the box, her platform heels thumping softly against the carpeted floor as she made her way toward me. She stopped maybe a few inches from my face and I braced myself for the inevitable reaming that was about to come from her. It never came. Instead she lurched forward, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me forward. Her soft lips connected with mine and the rest of her body followed, pushing me back against the podium and grinding against me. I closed my eyes and wrapped arms around her, pulling her closer; eventually she stopped and pulled away, her head just a few centimeters from mine as I laid against the top of the podium. She exhaled, her warm breath danced across my face.

“Guys?” I heard Brianna say. “Just so you know, I still had the camera running, you need to warn me before you do things like that.”

“I…I don’t think it was planned,” I said breathlessly as Remy let go and stood back.

“Okay,” She said. “We don’t have much time before they come back so we should probably just sit tight. Allison…whatever happens today, you are my sister…well…um…okay probably more than that, but you know what I mean. The other sisters will definitely agree…well…I don’t think you can count on them to be as enthusiastic as I just was…or can you? I don’t know.”

“Oh, shut up.” I said as I leaned in and locked lips with her again.

“GUYS!” Brianna shouted, her voice echoing against the walls of the chamber. “I’m STILL here!”

Just was I let her go, we heard the door click again. That definitely hadn’t been thirty minutes. I checked my phone, it had been about fifteen. Great, a knee jerk decision. Remy and I didn’t even bother to sit down as the room was filled again. I could see a sullen look on Amanda Geer’s face; that had to be bad. After a brief moment of silence, Lydia cleared her throat and spoke.

“Allison Parsons,” She said. “I want you to know that it brings me no pleasure to say this, we always wish the best for our members but the outcome has been overwhelming. After a sixteen to four vote, it has been decided that your membership to Alpha Gamma will be permanently revoked. This decision cannot be appealed. Thank you for your time and we wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

“Remy,” I said.

“Yeah?” She asked, looking directly at me.

“We still have a hotel room.”

“OH GOD DAMMIT!” Brianna shrieked. “Will you two give it a rest?!”

Synopsis: Things take an unexpected turn when Allison is faced with a decision and an offer she might not be able to refuse.

“That…was amazing…” I said as I laid in my bed staring straight up at the ceiling. “I’ve never done that before…it was my first time.”

“Yeah,” Remy said, scrolling through her phone and looking at Amazon listings. “I could tell.”

“Was it good?” I was genuinely curious actually.

“Uh…yeah, yeah it was pretty good,” Remy nodded.

Our door burst open and Brianna strode in, fully dressed, which was such an odd thing at 7 in the morning, and sat on the bed bedside me.

“Um, excuse me,” I said to her. “We’re having SEX in here.”

“Yeah, one of us was,” Remy said, completely unphased by my sister’s sudden appearance.

“Okay listen,” She said as she pulled out her phone. Three days ago when you gave your speech in front of National I uploaded the video to my Facebook and left it on public, use a hashtag, #AllisonsPledge…I didn’t expect it to go anywhere but it um…it went viral.”

“So what do you mean?” Remy said, rubbing her eyes as she sat up, keeping the white sheet over her chest. “You mean like a few hundred shares, right?”

“No…” Brianna said. “More like three hundred thousand…and climbing.”

If I’d been drinking anything I’d have spit it out right there. I sat up like a shot, my eyes wide.

“WHAT?!” I practically screamed. “Who would care enough to –”

“Yeah but that’s not all…the comments are mostly positive. I mean yeah you have your typical transphobic crap but for the most part it’s solidarity. I didn’t expect this to happen; I was just sharing it so my friends could see. But…it gets even better than that. People are flooding the AG Facebook page with comments and I hear they’re getting all kinds of emails. It’s a storm. It’s a literal storm.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “How could this have happened?”

“Easily,” Remy said. “The AG board doesn’t know how the internet works and they didn’t know what they were getting into when they tried to check off that ‘equality’ box. They didn’t realize that they’d have to actually follow through and it’s killing them.”

“Yep,” Brianna confirmed. “The ACLU made a statement about it, along with a lot of other human rights and pro-LGBT groups. Everyone’s pissed and it shows.”

“I mean…it’s great,” I said. “I’m glad you got so many…comments. Imagine posting original content that you poured your heart and soul into and only getting five or six comments. That’s why I don’t write fiction. But seriously, this…what does this mean for us?”

“Well,” Remy said thoughtfully. “It does mean that AG might come begging for you back. It’s not out of the realm of possibility. If that happens then I strongly recommend that you say no.”

“Agreed,” Brianna said. “It’s going to be tempting to have that sense of sisterhood back, but you don’t want the price it comes with – unless you really want AG to own your soul. Dunno if you’re into that.”

“You mean am I into a bunch of women owning me?” I said, half joking. They both looked at me, Remy raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe just one,” She said, a very serious look crossing her face.

“I can live with that,” I whispered. She grinned.

“You two are just…ugh…wow…” Brianna said, shaking her head. “Okay, so unless you want this thing to lose momentum, we have to figure out what we’re doing next. I talked to mom and she suggested that you make a video explaining what happened, like everything. Tell them how you ended up in AG, and how they built you up, and explain how they completely let you down the moment Stephanie did her…thing. There are a lot of people out there who want to know the full story and there’s a lot of speculation going on. Do you think you’d be up to doing a video right now?”

“I mean, I guess…” I looked over at Remy who nodded.

“It’s not like there’s anything special going on here,” She said.

“Alright so…what do we do?”

“Well,” Brianna said, standing up. “First you need to get up, then we need to do your makeup, get you made up perfectly. You need to look really, really good for this. Like perfectly passable, which you always are but I want to make sure we get it right. Your speech is good, but we do need to work on posture. You need to make smaller movements, do you think you can do that?”

“Yeah…I think so…I guess,” I said, feeling a little confused. “Can you show me what you’re talking about?”

“Yeah,” Remy said. “We can help but first let’s get you made up and you think about how you’re going to say it. Remember when you speak it can’t sound rehearsed, you need to make it sound natural. That’s very important.”

“Come on,” Brianna said, “Up, up, up!”

They walked me to the bathroom and patiently waited for me to finish showering. By the time I’d finished Remy had already brought me one of my dresses – a simple baby blue scoop neck with brief sleeves. I was dressed and made up within half an hour and Brianna had gone to fetch her digital camera. This was a little more nerve wracking than speaking to the AG board; if I understood this right, I was going to be addressing the entire world, not just a few people. Well, if we were being honest I already HAD addressed the entire world, hadn’t I? At least in a way.

“We should do this in the kitchen,” Brianna said. “Better light out there. Plus she can sit at the table.”

“What about the couch?” Remy suggested. “It may make her look a little more human?”

“Mmm yeah maybe,” Brianna nodded. I felt like I was being pulled all over the house for the sake of this recording. Were they ever going to let me sit somewhere and get it done?

They spent way too much time arguing over it; there was a knock at the door and the entire thing was cut short, at least for the moment.

“It’s eight in the morning,” Brianna said, annoyed. “Whose at the door?”

“Ugh, I’ll get it,” Remy said. The girl had no shame, she literally walked over to the front door wearing a t-shirt and a pair of panties. She swung it open and I heard her say “Oh…hey”.

Remy walked into the living room followed by another brunette who I vaguely recognized. Her name was Tiffany, I think?

“Hey everyone,” Remy said. “This is Tiffany, she’s the president of Omega Epsilon Beta.”

“So sorry to just drop in like this,” She said very apologetically. “Our house saw the video the other day and we had a quick talk with our national board. Um, first of all, Allison, it’s AMAZING to meet you, I mean, you really killed it on that video.”

“Um…I…thank you ,” I said nervously. About a month ago, when I was still a guy (sort of), these were the kinds of women I would walk by on campus and be terrified to even look at. They were so far out of my league they weren’t even playing on the same field. Now they were in my house, talking to me. I’d just slept with Remy, and according to her I’d been amazing. What was my life?

“It’s we who should be thanking you,” She said, smiling to me. “I…wanted to bring you something.”

She reached into her purse and handed me a card; it was similar to the card that AG had given me about a month ago, but it proudly showed the Omega Epsilon Beta crest and letters. A bid card?

“So listen,” Tiffany said. “I don’t want you to accept this now, I want you to think about it, because joining a house is a huge decision, especially after everything that just happened, but I want you to know why we’re giving you this bid. It’s not because we feel sorry for you, or because we want you as some sort of trophy; it’s all about what you said to Alpha Gamma’s board. Your speech on sisterhood and the bonds that we form in an organization like this…well…I personally along with a lot of the other girls in Omega Epsilon Beta feel that you just ‘get it’. You’d bring something to the house that we desperately need and to be honest, I’m really sorry I didn’t give you a bid after rush week. You’ll have to forgive me; I thought you were just playing a prank.”

“I…I sort of was,” I admitted. “But I guess the joke’s on me now, right?”

Remy snorted a little.

“You don’t have any loyalty or obligation to AG,” Remy pointed out. “Not after the crap they pulled on you. You could do it, I would fully support you.”

“I’d really have to think about it,” I admitted. “I mean…joining another house and all, it’s amazing but, wouldn’t I bring the same problems with me? I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“I really don’t believe you would,” Tiffany reassured me. “We’ve already cleared it with national-“

“It was cleared with national last time,” I pointed out.

“There’s a difference this time,” Tiffany said. “This time all of the circumstances are actually known and there shouldn’t be any complications. We want you because you would be an excellent addition to our house and our sisterhood. Please think about it, okay?”

“I…I will,” I said as I clutched the card tightly. Just as the words left my mouth there was another knock at the door.

“Uh, I’ll get it,” Brianna made her way over and opened the door. “Well…hi.”

She was followed in my four more girls, each of them holding similar cards but each one with different letters and a different crest. One of them looked to Tiffany.

“I guess we all had the same idea,” One of the new girls said, laughing.

“Well now you’ve got options,” Tiffany smiled to me. “And I guarantee this won’t be the end of it. There are ten sorority houses on campus and nine of them are probably coming after you. What you do now is…really up to you.”

After a bit more conversation it was just Brianna, Remy and I standing in the kitchen again. Brianna tapped the camera.

“Come on Miss Thing,” She said. “We’ve got to get your video done.”

I sat on the couch, just as Brianna had suggested and we shot the video. I spoke from the heart, just as I had done at the AG board. I detailed the entire thing from start to finish, even the parts that I was embarrassed about. Yeah, I even told how I had rushed every single house on campus in bad drag. When we were done, Brianna took the video, did a little bit of editing and uploaded it to her Facebook page, setting it to public once again. When all was said and done I couldn’t help but feel the knots overtaking my stomach and I kept wishing that somehow things could just go back to the way they used to be. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just be back at the AG house playing with makeup? How god damn innocent I had been. But it wasn’t going back; things had been irrevocable changed and my fate, while separate from AG itself was intertwined with Remy’s, Brianna’s, and every girl who lived there. There was far too much riding on my shoulders and I was beginning to feel the weight. One thing I didn’t know, was that the video would amass 2.5 million shares overnight.

Synopsis: Instead of writing anything useful here I’m just going to complain about the keto diet I’m on and how I haven’t had a potato in three months….

“I am sooo excited,” Laura said as she bounced around me at the concession stand “I’ve been wanting to see this movie for ages!”

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s just too bad Remy couldn’t come.”

“Good grief,” Laura laughed. “It’s not like she has to come everywhere with us.”

“Yeah, but, I mean…” I trailed off a bit, she gave me a kind of knowing grin.

“Wow, this place is busy,” She remarked, looking around at the crowds of people in the lobby. I liked this theater, the lobby was just fantastic; tons of concession stands, an arcade, posters everywhere, and the lighting just made it feel alive. Most importantly I felt pretty safe here; it was a campus hotspot and I felt like there were plenty of people who would jump to my defense if anything happened. Laura interlocked her arm with mine and did a kind of skip to the counter where she ordered a bucked of popcorn and two large sodas. “Time to wreck our diet!”

“Well it is a Friday,” I laughed. “Who knew that other people went out on Friday?’

“Calm it down, smartass,” She snickered.

“Hey um, I have to go to the bathroom,” I said. “I can do that on my own, right?”

“I think you’ll be fine,” She gave me a reassuring smile. “I’ll wait here for the popcorn and stuff, meet you in front of theater 18?”

“You know it!” I grinned as I let go of her arm and wander off into a hallway. Just above the entrance the words ‘East Wing’ were displayed brightly with a neon tube light. I really loved this place. I skipped happily to the bathroom enjoying the feel of the air rushing between my legs; I loved wearing skirts, seriously. It felt so free.

I finally came to the bathroom and walked from the dark hallway, into the brightly lit tiled interior. Okay, do my business and get back to Laura. I couldn’t wait to see this movie. I rounded the corner and kind of gave a sigh of relief when I noticed that it was empty. Even though I passed pretty much completely as a woman I was still always a bit anxious about using women’s bathrooms. I bounded toward one of the stalls, realizing how badly I had to go, and I had almost reached it when I heard a voice behind me.

“Well shit, what do we have here?” A deep male voice said. I spun around, there were two guys standing there, one dressed in a black leather coat, the other in flannel. “I think you’re in the wrong bathroom, tranny.”

I felt the color leave my face as they laughed. One of them reached into his inner pocket and produced a switchblade knife which he wasted no time in opening. I could hear the ‘click’ of the blade echoing from the tiled walls.

“I…what do you want?” I asked nervously.

“Would you listen to that, Joe,” The blond one laughed. “It even sounds like a girl. Well, underneath all that makeup you’re just another little faggot.”

“We lost our scholarships because you fucking tattled you little crybaby,” The other guy said as they stepped toward me. I backed up but there wasn’t much room. “Maybe if you really want to be a girl you should lose something too.”

The other guy grinned. I darted. As fast as I could go, I tried to shoot around them, back toward the bathroom door. The black haired guy caught me by the arm; I yelped out in pain as I was suddenly stopped. His hand connected with my throat in a quick jab and I gasped for air as the room spun around me. I fell backward but he didn’t let me fall; instead he caught me by my hair and dragged me to the back wall. I tried to scream in pain my but my ruined throat could only produce gagging sounds as my vision blurred and by back was slammed up against the tile. The blond one reared back and punched me in the stomach, hard; I felt the wind leave my body as I lurched forward, only to receive another punch in the face. As my head cracked against the hard wall I felt blood begin to form on my lips.

“Please,” I gagged. “Please, let me go…please don’t do this…”

“Oh but don’t you want to be a girl?” The blond guy asked quizzically as he held the knife up to my face and gave it a little shake? Why don’t we take a little look at what you’ve got going on under that skirt anyway?”

“Oh, Jesus, Carson,” The tranny pissed itself.”

I immediately become brutally aware of a warmth trickling down my legs. I closed my eyes and began to sob, completely broken.

“Oh look, and it’s crying,” Joe said. “Maybe it IS a girl after all. Better finish the job.”

“HEY!” A new voice shouted; another guy. Through blurred vision I could see three new people standing at the other end of the bathroom. “Joe, Carson! Ever since you posted that crap on the school’s page I’ve been following your asses around. I knew you’d pull some crap like this. You might not be wearing our letters anymore, but I’m not going to have people associating our house with fucking hate crimes. Let her go. Now.”

“Aaron you idiot, this is a guy and you know it. Stop calling it a girl,” Carson snarled. I coughed again, more blood. I could feel it oozing from my mouth and dripping onto my top. The side of my face began to throb; it was unlike anything I’d ever felt.

“Alright you know what? If you don’t let her go, we’ll go one on one, and you know that the two of you can’t take all three of us. You ready for that?” The guy named Aaron said. Carson growled and released me. I crumped to the floor like a rag doll and rested on my hands and knees, breathing heavily between hysterical sobs as I tried to avoid planting myself into the pool of urine that had accumulated beneath me.

“What the hell are we supposed to do?” Carson demanded. “We lost our scholarships, we got expelled, no school is going to take us thanks to this little freak of nature.”

“You could run,” Aaron suggested. “I already called the police. First thing I did when I saw you walking in here. Or you could stay here, get the beatdown of your life and THEN go to jail. You’ve got options.”

“Fuck you, Aaron!” Joe spat. “And fuck you two too, Diego, and Marco. I can’t believe you’re going along with this bullshit. We were your brothers, you should have fucking stood up for us.”

“Hate isn’t something I stand up for,” One of the other guys said. “You shoulda known that by now.”

Carson and Joe stormed out of the bathroom, leaving me in a broken pile on the bathroom floor. Immediately, the three guys made a beeline over to me and sat me upright, against the wall. My legs were crumpled in front of me and I could barely hold myself up. What had just happened? Why?

“Allison?” One of the guys said. Aaron. It was Aaron. He snapped his fingers in front of me and I rolled my eyes over in his direction. “Hey, you don’t know me, I’m Aaron Hinkley, president of Delta Kappa Muh. Are you okay?”

“I don’t know…” I whispered. My throat ached; I could barely speak.

“Okay listen,” He said. “The police are on their way, we’re going to get you an ambulance. Listen, dammit, Allison, don’t do this crap. Don’t go to the bathroom on your own, don’t go ANYWHERE on your own. And for god’s sake, you need to join a house. It’s really hard to keep you safe if we don’t know where you are.”

Keep me safe? Is that what…had people actually been watching out for me?

“You should have gotten a bid from like every sorority on campus,” The one called Diego chided. “Why aren’t you wearing a pledge pin by now?”

I must have blacked out, because the next thing I knew a light was shining in my eyes; a paramedic, and a frantic Laura just beyond covering her mouth with her hands as she stared at me in horror. Kind of registered Aaron giving the police a detailed description of my attackers, and the last thing I remember hearing was a paramedic confirming that I needed to be taken to the hospital. I drifed in and out of consciousness, I don’t know for how long. I opened my eyes briefly and saw the lights of the ambulance roof, and then a tile ceiling rushing by. Screaming, needles, another light shining in my eyes.

“It’s a stab wound, abdomen,” I heard a nurse say. Had I been stabbed? Why didn’t I remember being stabbed? What was happening? I wondered it to myself as I finally blacked out entirely, letting time pass me by and my existence fade out for a bit. When I came to, Brianna was standing over me, I heard a distinct, rhythmic beeping. She was crying, or she had been crying. I could see the redness around her swollen eyes, her form framed by the bright fluorescent lights inset to the ceiling.

“Brianna?” I muttered. “What…where are we?”

“Allison?” She shrieked. “Oh…oh thank god. Laura, get the nurse!”

I saw Laura’s form rise from a nearby chair and she dashed from the room. Couldn’t they have just hit the call button?

“Brianna,” I said faintly. “I’m…sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing?” She shook her head incredulously. “You were attacked! Oh my god you had us all…we were so scared. I’ve been keeping mom updated; I need to call her…how are you feeling?”

“We…we need to do something,” I said. “Brianna I’m so scared, what do we do?”

“YOU do nothing,” She said sternly. I’m pulling the plug on this thing. You’re going to join a house, for protection. The other Greek houses will watch out for you, they might have different letters but they take care of their own, I promise. You’re going to lay low, you’re going to finish school. We shouldn’t have pushed you into this, not after a month and a half of you coming out, you weren’t ready. Jesus, I can’t believe this. I’m sorry.”

What was she talking about? I’d always wanted to be a part of this fight but I’d been too afraid to come out, I knew it was a possibility but…how could she take me out of it? She couldn’t do that, could she?

“Brianna, no, I can’t…” I moaned a bit as my stomach lurched and then broke into a series of soft whimpers. She laid her hand on my shoulder.

“Look, we thought about moving you to a different college, mom and I, but you’ve made friends here and I don’t want to just uproot you, so you’re going to get yourself into a house, one of the nine that gave you bids. This isn’t a negotiation; if I have to pick one I will. I can’t be with you all the time, but they can, even if it’s not Alpha Gamma. Okay look, you get some rest now, seriously. We’ll talk about this in a few days. For right now, right NOW you stay in this bed and don’t think about ANYTHING but getting better, do you understand me?”

What was I even supposed to say? There was nothing I could say; I just did as she demanded and let my head drop onto the pillow as the sound of machines around me drowned out the noise in the rest of the hospital beyond the room. I had to keep fighting, somehow.

Synopsis: Allison works on recovering from her injuries and tries to choose a new sorority.

“Remy, I don’t like this,” I said quietly. We were laying in my bed at Brianna’s house, her arms wrapped around my chest as I grasped her hands. Her warm body laying flush with mine, and her warm breath overtaking the back of my neck. I was content, but I wasn’t. “I feel like…like I have a purpose for the first time in my life. I spent so much time playing video games or watching TV, I always felt like I could be something more, and now that I am, they want me to stop.”

“I talked to Brianna right after you got out of the hospital,” She turned the tables a bit and took my hand in hers, gently massaging my fingers and drawing my arms in closer to my body. “I think that she’s really, really worried. She didn’t realize how dangerous this whole thing would be. She’s panicking.”

“What about you?”

“I’m worried. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. This whole thing, it’s…I just got to know you and I feel like I almost lost you yesterday. I guess it all comes down to what you want to do. I mean, if I were in your position I’d want to be coddled, protected. I would want to feel safe but…maybe you’re just a stronger person than I am.”

“No you’re not stronger than I am,” I peered off into the corner of the room, toward a wall illuminated by the light of the moon, a million miles away and hanging just outside the window, framed like a picture and staring in on all of our deepest secrets. The moon was the sole witness to this conversation and the observer of my deepest fears. “I just…I am afraid. I know that it’s going to cost me to keep going. It’s going to cost me a lot. But I want to help. I’ve spent so much time online reading posts from people who were in horrible situations and I always wished I could be…in a position to help, and…”

“I understand,” She said softly as she kissed the back of my head and continued massaging my hand. “and I admire you for it. I really, really, really do, but you…I mean...I just don’t want you to get so lost in helping everyone else that you forget about self-care.”

There was a long silence; I thought maybe she’d fallen asleep but as I listened, her breathing hadn’t quite reached that rhythmic pattern yet. She was still awake. I smiled a bit, imagining what she looked like back there.

“Hey Remy?” I said. “You know how I said I don’t write fiction?”

“Mhmm,” She responded. “Was kind of a…weird thing to say now that I think about it. Was like you were talking to someone who wasn’t even in the room.”

“Maybe we’re part of a movie,” I giggled. “Maybe I was talking to the audience.”

“Nah,” She said. “I don’t really see us as part of a movie. Maybe we’re like…short fiction on a TG website. That would be cool, right?”

“Um, no,” I said. “Because if this were fiction then it would mean whoever is writing us is not only an asshole, they’re extremely depressed. This whole thing would read like a cry for help.”

“You are putting WAY too much thought into it,” She sighed. “So, what about writing fiction?”

“Well I thought it would be really cool to write some trans fiction. I mean there’s a lot of it out there but it always turns into erotica, or bondage or whatever. That stuff is cool, at least until the writer stops masturbating and then the story just goes downhill. What if I could write some super good trans fiction that read like…like a real book?”

“That would be cool, you could post it online to see what kind of reactions you get?”

“I could,” I agreed. “But I’m having trouble figuring out what to write. Okay, so one idea I had was for this guy named Todd; he’s trans okay? He’s trans but he’s in the closet and he breaks into a sorority one night—”

“Is this your personal fantasy?”

“And he tries on a dress, but gets caught. The sorority girls don’t punish him, they just help him becomea woman but…the story is really convoluted and nothing is every straight forward-“

“Sounds boring,” Remy yawned. “What else do you have?”

“Okay what if a guy is paralyzed like completely completely and totally paralyzed and he can’t move for like four years. Then one night he goes to sleep and he wakes up as a girl, on a space station called Deshima. Oh and he can move.”

“What’s cool, what would you call that one?” Remy asked.

“Maybe…Deshima?” I don’t know, which one should I write though?”

“Ask your imaginary audience,” She giggled.

“Sorry Remy,” I laughed a little, but then stopped as my stitches began to stretch. “They’re imaginary.”

“Go to sleep,” She said, snorting.

I smiled as we fell asleep, me deep in her embrace. I felt warm, and safe. I hoped it was a feeling that would last. When I opened my eyes again the first rays of sunlight were seeping into the window, occupying the space from which the moon had watched us sleep. Remy was gone. I was confused for a moment but then I remembered that she had said something about an officer meeting back at Alpha Gamma this morning. I sighed a bit and sat up in bed, noticing she’d left her pink hoodie crumpled at the end of the bed. I smiled happily as I shrugged into it; it was a bit big for me and I kind of giggled at how much smaller I was than her. I sat there thinking momentarily with one foot hanging lazily over the end of the bed and one tucked up against my body with my chin resting on my knee, engulfed in Remy’s sweater. I didn’t sit there too long before there was a knock at the door.

“Allison are you awake in there?” Brianna called out for the other side. “I need to go over somet things with you!”

“Come on in,” I called back. She opened the door and smirked a bit, seeing me dressed in Remy’s hoodie.

“We really need to go through these bids you got,” She said. “You have one from every sorority on campus, and they’re all pretty amazing. I went ahead and did some research on them for you so let’s start with Omega Epsilon Beta. That’s Tiffany, the girl who came here the other day. You’d really like them, they’re sweet, super girly, like you, though they’re also super athletic. A lot of them are cheerleaders, you might have trouble keeping up with them.”

“Keeping up with them?” I cocked my head. “I’m not an invalid you know.”

“I know,” She said. “But they have this mandatory fitness…thing. Do you think you can run a mile every day?’

“Uh..what if they get a member that can’t run?”

“I think they carry the water,” Brianna said. I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. “Okay, you also have Kappa Tau Chi, it’s a really good one, um, they have some good incentives for alumni, like career placement, things like that. A lot of them are super nerdy so I think you’d fit right in.”

“Are you calling me a nerd?” I asked playfully.

“Kinda am, sis,” She giggled. “Okay, Omega Muh Lambda. They’re a service fraternity, they do humanitarian things. Last year They took a trip to South America on summer vacation to build houses.”

“That sounds exciting!” I said. “It’s kinda like philanthropy!”

“Yeah, I three with the Peace Corps after college, I really enjoyed it. Kinda the same.”

“What’s this one?” I pointed to another bid card.

“Oh, this is Pi Lambda Sigma. They’re like, the girliest of the girliest. They actually have a dress code, you have to maintain a certain appearance, blouse, skirt, or dress pants, whatever. Um, they’re big on being debutants, if you know what I mean. I wouldn’t go with this unless you like being practically forced to learn the difference between a salad fork and a regular fork, oh, and all that fancy lady stuff. I mean god, sitting around with a book on your head so you keep your back straight – they do that to their pledges. Don’t go with that one, it’ll drive you crazy.”

“Okay,” I said. “I want that one.”

Brianna stared at the bid card for a second, blinked, and then looked up at me. She blinked again and tried to regain her composure.

“What?” She finally managed to force the words out of her mouth.

“It’s what I want,” I said. “I want to be girly, I want to learn how to be a lady. That’s the point of all this, right?”

Allison,” She said very pointedly. “You know how you put on your lipstick in the morning, how it’s always a little crooked?”

“Yeah,” I had never managed to get it right, try as I might, over, and over, and over again.

“They’ll haze you for that,” She said dramatically, putting emphasis on the word ‘haze’ and widening her eyes as if it would have some kind of detrimental effect on me. “I’m not talking about the hazing you see in the movies, it’ll be subtle, you’ll hate it.”

“Okay, Brianna,” I said, feeling a little exhausted; my wound was starting to bug me. “I’m not sure how to put this nicely so I’m just going to say it. You’ve been controlling my life ever since rush and…this time I want to do my own thing, and my own thing is joining Pi Lambda Sigma, okay?”

“Allison,” She said quietly. “I’m going to set you on fire.”

“Brianna.”

“Okay, okay,” She sighed. “You’re right, we have been a little controlling but it’s not because I don’t want you to live your life, it’s because I love you any want you to be happy. When I first heard that you might be transgender I wasn’t…freaked out, or confused. I was worried, Allison. I was worried because you were about to jump into a world you knew nothing about. I…it scared me that you had never been taught to protect yourself as a woman. I mean, I grew up learning stupid little things like carrying my keys between my fingers so I can claw someone’s eye out if I have to. Or you know, never putting your back to a van in a parking lot, or always park beneath a street light. You just haven’t been conditioned in the same way every other woman has and I just…want you to be protected until you can learn. You’re my little sister, I love you, and I want to protect you but you know what? I can’t really argue with Pi Lambda Sigma in that regard -they’ll protect you, it’ll just get a little awkward.”

“I think I can handle it,” I shrugged.

“You know you can’t just switch to another house if you don’t like this on, right? It’s a bit of a stretch that they’re all offering you bids this late in the game and it’s because of who you are.”

“I think I’ve already proven that I stick with my decisions,” I said adamantly.

“Alright,” She sighed. “Well, let’s get you to the bathroom and change your bandage. Oh, and get you made up. If you’re going to see Pi Lambda Sigma you’re going to want to wear something other than Remy’s hoodie.”

Synopsis: Allison meets with Pi Lambda Sigma, the members of Alpha Gamma reach an impasse with National

“Okay this is it,” Brianna said, pulling the car parallel to the sidewalk between two other vehicles. I’ll never in a million years understand how she was able to parallel park like that; I certainly couldn’t do it. “Hey, when you get out of the car, I want to show you something.”

“Is it a different bid?”

“Shut up,” She said. “Just get out.”

I shook my head a little and stepped out of the car, waiting for her to walk around o me. I pulled a bit at my skirt; she had me in this super conservative type dress, it had a rounded collar and a bow in the back. I thought it was a little bit overkill and possibly way too feminine, but she insisted it was what I should be wearing if I wanted to meet with Pi Lambda Sigma.

“Look,” Brianna said as she pointed down the street. This was a street with a very singular purpose: to host the university’s Greek houses. Most of the sororities and fraternities were on the same street; it made things simpler I guess. It certainly had made rush night a little easier. “You see that?”

“See wha—oh,” My eyes went wide as I saw one of the sororities flying the transgender flag proudly out front. If you don’t know what that is, it’s a lot like the pride flag but with three colors: Blue for male, Pink for female, and White for Intersex or Non-Binary.

“That’s cool,” I said. “I didn’t think—”

I stopped short as my eyes slowly surveyed the rest of the street. It wasn’t just that one house, it was all of them. They were all flying the transgender flog. Down the row I could see a flood of pink, white, and blue. Even the AG house was sporting one and it seemed to be bigger than all the rest. What was going on?

“It’s for you,” Brianna explained. “This is all in honor of you. This is the impact you’ve had. I’m glad you got to see this because you need to know that you haven’t been forgotten or swept under the rug. You matter to a lot of people. Now, come on, it’s time for you to go talk to Pi Lambda Sigma. If that’s what you REALLY want to do I mean.”

I quietly walked beside Brianna as we stepped onto a pristine white porch, knocking lightly on what seemed to be an even whiter door. It opened swiftly and a bleach blonde girl stood before us. Brianna had been right about my outfit; this girl was wearing a high-necked pink sweater and a white knee-length skirt. She was wearing bright pink lipstick to match and eyeliner so perfect it had to have been done by a machine. Okay, could I even fit in here? I was a hot mess compared to her. I smiled kind of sheepishly as Brianna spoke.

“Hi, my name is Brianna and this is—”

“Allison Parsons!” The girl squealed. “It’s so great to finally meet you in person, come in! Come in!”

“I guess your reputation precedes you,” Brianna said to me was we crossed the threshold and passed into the house.

“Oh my god,” I said, looking around. “This place is beautiful.”

“Allison,” Brianna said quietly. “The walls are baby pink.”

“With white trim!” I said excitedly.

“The walls are baby pink,” She repeated. I didn’t care, I was too busy marveling at the place. I didn’t care if she hated it; if I couldn’t get back into Alpha Gamma I might as well be at least a little bit happy, right?

Brianna informed the girl that we wanted to speak with President Powell, and off she went. We stood there for a bit, and soon enough, a pretty brunette, about my height with a rounded face, wearing a pink velour dress appeared before us in the foyer.

“Hi,” She said, smiling and extending a hand. My name is Kelly Powell, I’m the president of Pi Lambda Sigma! You two must be Allison and Brianna? I know you already pretty well Allison, your video and speech to the AG board was the stuff of legends. It was all people here could talk about for a few days.”

“R…really?” I asked, a little embarrassed.

“Oh yes!” She said with a huge but very reserved smile. “You’re kind of a big deal around here, you should feel honored, nothing is a big deal around here.”

“Other than the color of the walls,” Brianna muttered. “I feel like I just walked into a vagina.”

“Pardon?” Kelly said, smiling at Brianna. I’m not sure if she actually heard her or not but I was about to die of embarrassment.

“So how can I help you, ladies?” Kelly asked us, switching to a more ‘customer servicey’ mode.

“Well, as you know,” I said, straightening up a bit. “I got a lot of bids and I was considering yours. I think your house might be exactly what I’m looking for.”

“Oh really!” Kelly brightened up a bit. “Well, why don’t you step into my office and we’ll talk about a few things!”

It turns out her office was just the living room where a few other girls were sitting, but hey, whose counting?

“Oh, girls, this is Brianna and Allison, you remember Allison? We’ve been talking about her for the last week!”

“Oh my god!” A few of the other girls gushed. They kind of gathered around to ask questions and Kelly waved them off. It was like I was suddenly a really lame Harry Potter.

“So,” Kelly said as we sat down on the couch. “Can you tell me what interests you in our house?”

I wasn’t really prepared for this question but then again, I wasn’t even ready for it when Remy had asked me during the Alpha Gamma rush. Ugh, I missed Remy. She was right down the street, probably. Did I have to go see her before I answered this question?

“I was really attracted to your philanthropy programs, as anyone would be,” I tilted my head again and smiled. “But I also really love your presentation of femininity. I feel like that as a new woman, so to speak I have a lot to learn so while I do my part in contributing to the house, all of you will have SO much to teach me and I would be so grateful for it.”

“I really like to hear that,” Kelly smiled as she folded her hands in her lap, knees pushed together toward us. “But now there’s one thing I need to know from you.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Are you sure this is what you want to do? Please, PLEASE don’t get me wrong here, having you as an addition to our house would be the most amazing thing in the world and the girls would absolutely love you, but it’s a big decision and a commitment. Over the last few days we’ve seen a lot of buzz in the press and it’s very possible that Alpha Gamma could retract your expulsion. You’d be back with your sisters and I’m pretty sure you’d be initiated. I’m not saying that you should go back to them after everything they did to you, but I want you to be absolutely sure that joining our sorority is exactly what you want. I don’t want you to have any regrets over it.”

“You need to take a few days to think about it,” Brianna said, touching my hand. “I don’t necessarily want you to go back to Alpha Gamma but she’s right, you don’t want to have any regrets. If you still feel the same way in a few days then yeah, come back here and pledge.”

Kelly nodded and smiled to me.

“Allison we would love to have you, but please, take some time. I’ll see you back here in a few days okay?”

She showed us out of the house and Brianna walked me to the car, holding my arm while I did a sort of limp. The stitches were holding but walking was still painful.

“I don’t like this,” I sighed. “I’m ready to join now.”

“I know you are sweetie,” She said. “You’re missing that feeling of sisterhood that you had with AG but you need to do some thinking before you replace one thing with another. It’s your choice, I just want to make sure you’re making the right one, you understand ri—”

“Brianna!” Remy’s voice boomed from down the sidewalk, we both looked up to see her standing there in front of the Alpha Gamma house, hands on her hips. She was gorgeous, I can’t even describe just how gorgeous she was. The sunlight behind illuminated her form and I practically started drooling when I saw her standing there in that position of authority. She was angry, and that was hot. Brianna noticed and rolled her eyes at me. “Bring her home!”

We walked closer to Remy with Brianna supporting my weight. I didn’t know how much longer I could walk; I felt like I’d already done enough of it today.

“What’s going on?” Brianna asked as she lugged me down the sidewalk.

“Bring Allison home, we’re going to have a meeting. It’s important.”

I looked at Brianna; I hadn’t been back to the Alpha Gamma house since we’d rushed out that night, I was suddenly nervous but incredibly excited. Why did she want me to come back, and why was she so angry? Remy took my other arm and we sort of shuffled down the sidewalk until we were able to cross into the AG house. I was greeted by Laura, Michelle, Cassandra, and a dozen other girls.

“Hey Allison, welcome back!” Laura smiled and gave me a quick hug.

“Cute outfit!” Michelle grinned. “I approve!”

“Come on,” Cassandra said. “There’s someone who wants to meet you!”

Now who on earth would want to meet me? They helped me into the living room, and there I found the last two people I expected, ever. My mother stood from the couch and reached her hand out to pull me in.

“Hello, Allison,” She said. “It’s wonderful to meet you. This is Amanda Geer, I know you’re already acquainted but this is probably the first time you’ve really been introduced in person.”

“Hello, Allison,” Amanda said as she rose from the couch. “It’s so good to really, finally meet you. You’ve made a huge difference, probably more than you know.”

“I…um…thank you,” I blushed and shook her hand. “What’s um…what’s this all about?”

“Well,” Amanda said. “We’ve made a decision, and we think it’s time to bring you home, but not as an Alpha Gamma. We’re all here today because we’re going to try something different. Are you ready, Allison?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’m ready.”

Synopsis: The future of AG is discussed, and Allison makes a decision

“What are we looking at? What is this?” Brianna demanded as she stared at Remy’s iPad. It was the same iPad that they’d used in the conference room after rush. Kind of funny to see Amber Geer standing on the other side of it.

“This is a press release from Alpha Gamma,” Amanda explained. “A very, very poorly written one. After it came out and was actually posted on our website, I went to confront Lydia in her office. When I say confront I mean I broke the door handle off with a fire extinguisher because she’d barricaded herself in there with a dozen cases of boxed wine. Not a pretty picture.”

“Okay,” I frowned. “Why would she do that? What triggered that?”

“A series of blog posts,” My mother said. “I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, I think maybe Brianna and Remy have been keep you busy but…there’s a campaign encouraging people to walk away from Alpha Gamma. It’s all because of your pledge. You made an impact.”

“Mom…” I nearly whispered. “If I caused that…I’m sorry. This is…this was your house. Alpha Gamma is where you pledged to.”

“Sweetie,” She said, taking my hand. “I pledged to a chapter, not to Panhellenic. If I’d known how they were going to treat my daughter years later then maybe I wouldn’t have made that pledge in the first place. But I did, and now we’re here. The question is what we’re going to do about it.”

Okay I’m going to say this now: I was shocked. So completely and utterly shocked. My mother had never spoken to me in this manner before; it was almost as if she saw me as an equal rather than as just her kid. Is this how Brianna felt all the time?

“Here’s one of the blog posts,” Remy handed me the tablet.

“Wow, this is intense,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “An actual AG president quit over me? Also…what is this timestamp? It says EST? Shouldn’t it be EDT for Eastern Daylight Time?”

“Allison,” Remy said quietly. “Who cares about the timestamp?”

“Well if we’re in daylight savings—”

“NO ONE CARES!” Remy screamed.

“Right, right,” I said, my eyes wide. “I’m…sorry. But anyway, what are we all doing here? What does this have to do with…me?”

“The Walk Away movement resonated with a lot of people. AG lost…some serious membership over the last week. You have to understand that we’re living at the height of transgender acceptance right now. There are so many people that have transgender friends and family members; it’s not a social taboo anymore. Your pledge really struck a chord with them and no one wants to be part of an organization that does…what AG did,” Amanda said simply. “I know I don’t. I’ve been friends with your mother for over thirty years and I’m utterly appalled that anyone would treat either of her daughters that way.”

“So what you’re saying is…” I said, too confused to actually finish the sentence in its entirety.

“What we’re saying is that this house, this chapter along with the other chapters across the United States will defect from Alpha Gamma and form our own sorority. We’ve been in contact with many of the others that have followed suit and they’re in favor of forming under a different charter. Money? We’re okay in that regard and your mother has already been on the phone with her lawyers; we’re going to get this house.”

“Wait, you can…we can do…that?” I was stunned. How could a change this huge have happened right in front of me?

“We can,” Remy nodded. “And we’re going to, but that leaves one very important question. You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, YOU,” Brianna nodded.

“When you left after Rush,” Remy walked up to me, taking my hands as she spoke. “You maybe had…twelve or thirteen hours of freedom before we called you. Ever since then we’ve been controlling your life in every way possible. It was kind of fun at first but now we’re at a point where you need to take control of yourself and your life. You still have a lot to learn, and I’ll work on it with you no matter what, but now, you need to decide where you want to be. You can join our new sorority, you can join another sorority, you can even dump the whole Greek thing and go back to living in a dorm. Or with your sister. Whatever you want to do. This is your life now. You tell us what you want to do, and you don’t even have to decide n—”

“Remy,” I said. “Of course I want to join you guys, in whatever you do. You’re my sisters. You took me in and changed my life. Look at me; I wouldn’t LOOK like this if it wasn’t for you. I’d still be that depressed guy who rushed sororities in drag. I WANT to be around you, all of you. I can’t think of a better college experience.”

“Then I, for one, am honored to have you with us,” Remy smiled. I leaned in to kiss her and she playfully bit my nose. I jumped a little bit and yelped as my stitches stretched again and she apologized profusely while helping me to sit down on the couch.

“How…how do we get started?” I kind of groaned as I laid back into the couch with Remy stroking my hair.”

“It starts with a letter,” Amanda explained. “We draft a letter to Alpha Gamma announcing our intention to withdraw from their organization and then all of the members here will have to sign it. Now normally they would tell us to vacate the house, but Mrs. Parsons here is working with her lawyers to make sure we get it. We’ve also been speaking to other chapters, since Alpha Gamma lost 55% of their active members. If we can get those houses too we’ll really be in business.”

“Okay, okay hold up,” I said. “I know my family has money but we can’t pay for all of those houses. The utility bills alone—”

“Um…member dues?” Laura looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

“She doesn’t know,” Remy shrugged.

“Wait,” Laura said, practically choking. “She’s been living in the house and you didn’t tell her about dues? She hasn’t been paying at all?”

“You know it uh, didn’t really occur to me to charge her for what basically amounts to mental torture.”

“We weren’t torturing her!” Laura said insistently.

“Kinda were, I’m pretty sure I remember you suggesting that we sit her down in a chair and make her put lipstick on until she gets it on straight. You were literally ready to go to the dollar store and buy all the lipstick they had.”

“Oh come on!” Laura rolled her eyes. “It’s nothing we didn’t all have to do when we were kids!” Laura crossed her arms and looked at all of us. Very slowly, every head in the room turned toward her until she began to frown. “Everyone else had to do that, right?”

“Moving on,” Remy said, rolling her eyes. “Let’s figure out what this letter is going to say so we can split off as soon as possible. I want to get this done and over with.”

“Okay, I have an idea,” Arianna spoke up. “To whom it may concern: fuck you.”

There were a few giggles and Remy raised her hand, calling for silence. For the next few hours we worked on the letter, read it over, and then read it over again to make sure it said exactly what we wanted. The entire time, I couldn’t help but think that if I hadn’t rushed a few weeks ago, we wouldn’t be here right now doing this. Alpha Gamma would be going about business as usual and I never would have met any of these amazing women. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt; it was almost as if I had ruined their sorority. I didn’t dare say that out loud thought, Remy would have shut me down immediately.

Finally, after a few hours, we had our draft and Laura used the office printer to make a copy. We all passed it around and signed with a black pen. It kind of felt like we were signing the Declaration of Independence or something.

“Okay, now,” Remy said as she folded the paper and put it into an envelope. “Because Lydia never checks the mail at the main office, we’re going to have Mrs. Parson’s lawyers deliver this in person. It’ll take a few days for the ball to start rolling, but after we’re sure they’ve gotten the letter we’ll make a post online declaring our intentions. We won’t have any trouble getting the house, but we do need to come up with new letters. I think we can all agree that we’ll want to stick with the Greek theme and all of the traditions that it entails. On that note, we come back to Allison.”

“Me again?” I tried to lean forward but only managed to get a few inches off the back of the couch before collapsing back into it.

“Stop moving around,” Remy scolded me. “All of this happened because of you. Because of you we were able to see Alpha Gamma for what it really is, and what it IS, is an outdated organization that can’t appreciate the uniqueness in people. You’ve made the choice to stay with us, and I think that I have an officer position for you.”

“Um, I’m a pledge,” I said as I stared up at the ceiling. “Pledges can’t be officers.”

“You wouldn’t be a pledge once we started up.” Remy said. “We would activate you right away. I think you’ve earned it by now.”

There were affirming murmurs all around, I guess they agreed with Remy.

What…kind of position?” I asked.

“You wanted to fight, for the rights of trans people,” She said. “I think that’s wonderful, but I also think you’re inexperienced. I think there’s so much you can learn here, which is why I want you to be the trans liaison for the house. When we sign our charter, yes, we’ll be accepting trans rushes. There’s a chance we won’t get many, but on the off chance that we do, you would communicate their needs to myself and the rest of the house. It might not always be the easiest job in the world, but you remember what it was like for you at first? You probably felt like no one understood you and having a liaison would have made all the difference in the world.”

She was right. It would be a huge responsibility but I could help so many people. I wanted to do it.

“Okay,” I said. “I would love to do that.”

“Good,” She said. “So now that that’s settled, we need to move on to the name. We have to come up with something, so come on people, brainstorm, figure something out, before doomsday, please.”

There was a bit more murmuring, before finally, Cassandra came forward from the crowd.

“I think I may have something,” She said. She reached down onto the table and picked up a yellow legal pad that was sitting next to the TV remote. She quickly wrote something down and handed it to Remy.

“Yep,” Remy said. “I think that’ll work.”

Synopsis: Allison confronts an old friend

“Initiation tomorrow,” Remy grinned at me as she slid one of her tops onto a plastic coat hanger. “Are you ready?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted nervously. “What happens at initiation?”

“Well,” She said. “You know those pledge paddles you’ve seen laying around the house?”

“Uh…yeah?” I gulped as I clutched one of her skirts in my grip. We had busied ourselves doing her laundry; I had no idea how many clothes the woman had, we’d been here in her room for hours with me sitting cross-legged on her bed next to a massive piled of skirts, dresses, panties, and likely a few parachutes.

“Well we don’t use those, so your butt is safe – at least from that.”

I giggled a little bit and used a clip hanger to secure the skirt, then tossed it aside and grabbed another top.

“So what about the house?” I asked. “Do we get the house?”

“Yeah,” She nodded. “AG lost fifty-five percent of their membership, so they’re just liquidating a of their assets. We paid them, but it wasn’t much. With Amanda and the other five members splitting off from AG and your mother leading the new board, this should be a pretty smooth transition.”

“Smoother than some transitions,” I joked.

“Funny,” She smirked. “Speaking of which, how’s your transition going?”

“Oh, yeah,” I nodded. “I was final prescribed my hormones, it’s more complicated than I thought. Um, so there’s this estrogen pill that people like to call tittle skittles, and then there’s the spiro that blocks testosterone. I guess I’m well on my way to being a girl.”

“You already ARE a girl, honey,” She corrected. “The pills just help you look more like one.”

“Maybe, a little surgery wouldn’t hurt either. As soon as the makeup comes off I look like a guy again.”

“Mmm…not entirely true,” She reassured me. “Your hair frames your face really well, it’s hard to tell unless you get really, really close.”

“I’m glad YOU think so,” I giggled.

“I really do—hey Allison, are you wearing my top?”

I looked down at my self and blushed a little. I was wearing one of her wrap-around tunic tops, probably one of her favorites.

“Yeah,” I said, looking up at her as if I was pleading for mercy.

“You have your OWN clothes you know,” She scolded, shaking her head and wagging a finger at me. “You don’t need to steal mine.”

“I guess…I just…want you close to me,” I shrugged. Maybe I was a little obsessive?

“I’m right here you goof!” She laughed. Suddenly she made her way over to the bed, placed her hands on my shoulder and gently pushed me back into the pile of laundry. I lost my breath as she climbed onto the bed and straddled me, pressing her lips against mine and giggling. I wrapped one arm around her back and placed my hand on the back of her head, pulling her in closer as we continued to kiss. I moaned softly as she began to grind my pelvic region with hers, but then groaned even louder as she stopped and pulled away.

“Remy!” I pleaded.

“We don’t want to tear your stitches,” She said. “We have all the time in the world.”

I groaned and threw my head back against the laundry pile as she smiled softly and stood up. She stepped away and I sat up, straightening out my blouse…well…her blouse.

“What are you doing today?” She asked.

“Well in about half an hour I need to go meet someone at the quad and then—”

“Wait, who are you meeting?”

“Um…” I said slowly, hesitating before I answered. “Stephanie?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Remy asked me with a concerned look on her face.

“We’re meeting in the quad,” I reassured her. “I guess I just want…closure.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Remy had stopped folding and was staring directly at me.

“No,” I said. “I think…I mean…I should probably handle this by myself. It’s a public place, it should be fine.”

“Yeah okay,” She said. “You know what? I’ll drive you to the quad and I’ll wait just outside. I don’t want you to walk out of there alone, okay?”

“Thank you, Remy,” I smiled.

We finished up some more of the laundry and then headed out. We walked out the front door, passed off of the front porch and I commented on how nice the new letters looked. Remy agreed with me as we climbed into her car and drove to the quad. It was pretty busy but it was a Saturday so I really wouldn’t have expected anything less. As I stepped out of the car I could see Stephanie sitting at one of the picnic tables. I crossed the walkway and passed through the two chest-high brick walls that flanked and surrounded the area, aware that I was turning a few heads as I went. Yeah, people still knew who I was; maybe some of them would want autographs. I put it out of my mind as I crossed over to Stephanie’s table. As I approached she stood and smiled at me nervously. I gave her a quick hug and we sat down.

“Mi…I mean…Allison,” She said. “How have you been?”

“About as well as could be expected,” I said. “We’ve gotten the sorority mostly sorted out.”

“I saw that when I drove by earlier!” She said. “The new letters look amazing! I wish I could join.”

“I’m sure there are other houses you could join,” I suggested. She shook her head sadly.

“No one else will have me. I tried a few houses but they won’t call me back. I guess I’m persona non grata now, yeah?”

I shrugged.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last month and a half it’s that actions have consequences. I took mine, I guess you’ll have to take yours.”

“Yeah, so…I was wondering…can you forgive me for what I did?”

I thought for a moment and then nodded.

“Yeah Stephanie, I can forgive you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, it would be hypocritical for me NOT to forgive you. I mean we’re all human, right?”

She breathed a sigh of relief, I could almost see the weight being lifted off of her. She’d been thinking about this for a long time.

“Thank you so much,” She whispered. “I was wrong, I was so wrong. I got you kicked out of Alpha Gamma, and that almost got you killed and…I don’t know how I could have lived with myself if…if…”

She was starting to tear up. For a moment I swear I could see that girl I’d spent so many of my childhood days with. As we sat there I recalled a memory of us sitting in the backyard eating popsicles, or those days we spent playing on that huge castle playset my mom had bought. So many memories, from childhood, to adolescence, all torn away and stomped on in that one single moment. How quickly a friendship can fall. She was crying. I think I was too.

“It’s okay, Stephanie,” I wiped away a tear. “You’re going to be okay.”

“And…and are we still friends?” She asked timidly.

“Stephanie,” I sighed. “The thing about being trans, or gay, or anything in the alphabet is…you get the privilege of knowing who your friends really are. You can know someone for your entire life and you can get along with them really well but you won’t know who they really are until you challenge their beliefs. I was really, really lucky to find that my mom and my sister were on my side no matter what, and maybe even more so than I thought. I mean for god’s sake, my own sister pinned me at the ceremony. How often does that happen? It’s just…people always have more than one side and most people are only going to see one side of their friends for their entire life. People like me? We get the privilege of walking around to the other side and seeing what they’re really made of. With you…I have to say it was really lacking. You hated me for being who I was when everyone else…they accepted and loved me. Stephanie, I so wish…I so wish that you could have been a part of that love and friendship. I wish that things had turned out differently, but what you did….it’s not just something that you did to me. It’s something that you did to all of my AG sisters, and all of the people who loved me unconditionally. You uprooted their lives, you changed things for them, you took away so many things that we can’t get back. Stephanie I’ll always love you, I’ll always have those fond memories but…I don’t think we were ever friends, at all. I wish you the best, I really do, but I have to move on now, with my real friends.”

A long moment of silence persisted between us. The crowd noise throughout the quad seemed to dissipate, leaving us in absolute silence as we contemplated the future. I felt that with her, I was leaving a piece of my past behind and while it felt uplifting, it also felt sad, like a piece of me was dying. Not a good piece, maybe the same thing as when you cut the mold off of a piece of bread. It’s gone, but the spores have still spread, and they’ll be a part of it, forever. Stephanie would be a part of me forever but that didn’t mean I needed her attached to me.

“I love you, Allison,” She said, gathering her purse and standing up. We embraced one last time and I watched her disappear in to the crowd. The moment hit me like a ton of bricks as I wiped my tears once again and turned back toward the parking lot across the street. Remy saw me and immediately began to pull the car around.

“Are you okay?” She asked me as I climbed into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I sniffed a little bit.

“Cheer up,” She smiled, patting my knee. “I’ll get you a smoothie, and then we can get ready for initiation tomorrow. You’re looking forward to it, right?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “I’m looking forward to it.

I really, really was.

Synopsis: Allison contemplates her future and the initiation ceremony commences

“Hey lady, what are you up to?” Remy asked as she passed by me in the common room. “The ceremony is in like…fifteen minutes. You really need to be in there.”

“I’m just thinking…about…how much has changed in the last few weeks,” I said with a sigh. I was here, ready for initiation. Believe it or not I was wearing the exact same dress I’d worn for pledge initiation; it was this scoop neck blue number, a silky material with brief sleeves and a knee-length skirt. The girls, Brianna especially had drilled into me how important is to wear different outfits, but this dress had special meaning to me. It was what I was wearing when my sister had taken my pledge; I would probably keep this long after I graduated. I think Remy noticed; she kind of smiled and smoothed out the wrinkles in the top before she sat down next to me.

“You’re not the only one,” She said. “Not by far. It’s been a trying time for all of us; we’ve challenged opinions and conclusions that we thought were immovable. You’ve shown us a different way of thinking, even if…that wasn’t your intention. Everyone here is proud of you, not only for what you’ve become, but for what you’ve shown us.”

“I feel more like I’ve gone through the spin cycle on a busted washing machine,” I snorted. “Like…I love it here, but I’ve been through so much. This is SO not what I had in mind for my college experience.”

“Well,” Remy said. College is…never what people think it’s going to be. Everyone’s experience differs, though usually it’s just more homework than they thought, or maybe…relationship issues. Most people don’t go through what you did. Actually I don’t think anyone has, but hey, I could be wrong. You did good Allie, you worked to become who you are, you’re a lot happier now, and you helped us all in the process. Now, get up and come do this ceremony. The sooner we get done the sooner we can eat. I’m starving.”

The conference room tables had been cleared out, but I had no idea where they’d been put. Then again, who cares. As I joined the rest of our pledge class the first thing I noticed was that the logo on the floor had been changed; they’d done that really quickly. The room was dark; I could see my sister and mother standing beside Laura and Remy near the front, the rest of the active members were standing around the edges of the room; each one holding a lit candle much like the sister ceremony that we’d had weeks ago. There was an excitement in the air unlike anything I’d felt before. This time I wasn’t nervous, I was anxious for the future; a future that I had helped to form through my actions. The pledges around me were excited, proud, ready to move forward. It’s hard to explain the atmosphere and the feelings that were surging through the space, I guess you would have to be there.

Remy started the ceremony off by stepping forward and speaking.

“Today we stand here, in the same room as always but it is a different place. A place of acceptance, a place of new beginnings, a place where each and every one of you will form your future. You all have the honor and privilege of being the first pledge class in this newly christened sorority, a sisterhood formed on a pledge that reaches deeper and burns brighter than any before. Today, signifies the day that we renew our bonds but form new ones, and with that said, each of you, as I call your names will step forward and place your Alpha Gamma pins in this bowl. This is the end of the old, and the beginning of the new. After placing your pins in the bowl, please step over here, and kneel.”

One by one they called our names, and one by one we stepped forward, dropping our old pledge pins and taking a kneeling stance near the front of the room, just feet away from where the officers, my sister, and my mother stood. Mom and Brianna kept their eyes fixed on me. Had I done well? Had I made them proud? I hoped so.

“We kneel in servitude, but as sisters we rise together. Move through life, and obstacles with grace, never forget the bonds that you have formed here, and pledge your servitude not to an organization, but to one another. Now rise, as sisters of Alpha Rho.”

And that was it. It had taken far less time than I had anticipated, and as I stood, Remy, mom, and Brianna stepped down to hug me.

“Congratulations, Allison,” My mother said. “I am so very, very proud of you.”

“So am I,” Brianna smiles as she straightened out wrinkles in my dress again.

“Me too,” Remy said. “But I’m going to show you just how proud I am later…probably after dinner. We’re going to try the Tawdry Tube.”

“You…have a pool?” Brianna cock her head. What the hell were they talking about?

“Well,” Mom said. “I believe we have a dinner to get to, and…tomorrow, obviously I want to take you shopping. Your wardrobe is a little lacking and I want to make sure you’re set for the next four years.”

“I would love that, mom,” I said quietly. The room was beginning to clear out, we were almost alone. “So what now? What’s the next step for us?”

“Well,” Remy said. “Your mother has most graciously outlined our philanthropy requirements, so we’ll have to get to work on that starting tomorrow. Also, we’ll need to get you settled into your new officer position. You’ll need to lay out how you want to handle any potential transgender pledges, the rules, expectations for their treatment, the whole nine yards. That’s going to be up to you.”

“I’ve already ordered new pledge pins for us,” Mom added. “We’ll need to send the Alpha Gamma ones back to…whatever happens to be left of them. The houses that did leave AG are already in contact with us and we’re working on getting them set up with the new Alpha Rho gear. Shirts, sweats, dresses, the works. We have a lot to do and I want to get it all done throughout the month. Fortunately we’re not alone. If we were it would have been a serious financial strain, but since the AG board split, we have access to more assets than we would have.”

“So I guess all we can do now…is eat,” I smiled.

“Hey, are you guys coming?” Laura shouted out from the door. “Everyone’s waiting on you, Michelle’s about to sexually assault the fried chicken platter!”

“You’re such typical college students,” My mom rolled her eyes. “Is chicken really the best you could come up with?”

“No,” I sighed. “It’s just that the author of this story has an obsession with chicken. It’s probably the only thing she knows how to cool.”

“There you go with that theory again,” Remy smirked. “Maybe next time she’ll write something more interesting.”

“Hah, maybe so,” I laughed.

“Guys, come ooonnnn!” Laura called out again. “I haven’t eaten since the last time I ate!”

“Alright, alright, coming!” Remy conceded. We began walking toward the door, toward an uncertain future, but all in all, there wasn’t anywhere else I would rather be.

My Dearest Sister,

Allison, I’m writing this letter to you as you commence on your journey as a member, not of Alpha Gamma, but of Alpha Rho. When I graduated from Bellcrest all those years ago I couldn’t have imagined that you would join my old house, or that you would make such a monumental difference in the way that it operates. Things are always changing, and I’ve come to learn that sometimes, the people we least expect make the biggest changes. There are so many things that I want to say to you and only so much time in the world, so all I’m going to do is give you the same advice that mother gave me when I started my journey.

First and Foremost: Be Brave

Life is going to throw curve balls at you. Sometimes you might lose the job that you always dreamed of having, other times you might find yourself in a broken relationship. There are so many things that can change in the blink of an eye, and at the end of the day the most important thing you can do is pick yourself up and move on to the next big thing. Don’t be afraid to take on a challenge, don’t be afraid to defy the odds. You’ve got this girl, I believe in you.

Secondly: Be Yourself

There are a lot of people in this world who are going to tell you who you should be. Don’t let them. You are a beautiful person and a beautiful woman all on your own and I for one think that the world is getting an amazing gift.

Third: Trust in Those you Love

You’ve gained so much in the last two months; you have amazing, sisters who love you. You have Remy, who probably does things to you that are illegal in the state of Alabama and at least three fourths of Asia. You have me, you have mom, you have so many things that other people would love to have. You are an individual person and a strong woman but you are greatly influenced by the company you keep. Don’t be afraid to ask them for help or advice, don’t be afraid to love them. Life is short, make the most of it.

Fourth: Believe in Yourself

The world is a cruel place, Allison. It’s going to tell you that you’re not good enough, it’s going to tell you that you don’t belong and to be honest, you’re going to have it rougher than others. If you’re ever feeling down, or if you’re ever feeling that you’re not good enough, I want you to think back and remember the time when you inspired a nationwide change and altered the course of a century’s old organization. I want you to remember the love and happiness that you brought to us and I want you to remember the sisterhood that you gained – a bond that will be with you for the rest of your life.

Allison, I won’t always be with you, we have our own lives and our own ambitions, but I carry you in my heart wherever I go. I remember so well that annoying little brother who used to bug me when we were kids. I remember this one time you asked me: “Brianna, how big is the world?”. I replied with: “Bigger than you can imagine!”. The next week you came back with: “Brianna, I looked it up, the sky is only twenty miles high.”. I was so annoyed but in the end it’s your sense of curiosity and your drive to explore that is going to make your life amazing. Keep exploring, keep inspiring, and most importantly: keep being yourself. I’m proud of you, Mom is proud of you, and I fully believe that as you move forward, a sister of Alpha Rho, a student of Bellcrest, and most importantly, my sister, you’re just going to continue to make us proud. I love you sis, thanks for everything.

Love,
Brianna

Alpha Gamma Sorority
1175 W 16th Street
Indianapolis, IN
46224

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

REGARDING ALLISON PARSONS AND AG STANDARDS FOR MEMBERSHIP

Since the founding of our Alpha Gamma in 1871 we have made huge strides in the areas of acceptance and equality. Many of our full members, pledges, and alumni are from varying walks of life but the one standard that we have always upheld is that of female membership. A sisterhood must be formed of women who share similar interests and whom will be able to form lasting bonds. Recently in an attempt to move forward and progress our vision we put into place a pilot program where we accepted a transgender applicant, Allison Parsons and we attempted to integrate her into the Bellcrest Chapter of Alpha Gamma. Unfortunately, this did not go as planned. An altercation with another pledge led us to the conclusion that Mr. Parsons simply was not right for our organization and that he should in fact seek life elsewhere. This is not to say that we do not sympathize with her, but rather that we are now of the belief that it is best for us, and those we are charged with protecting within our organization that we restrict membership and occupancy of the houses to those who were born biologically female or at the very least those who have received the necessary sexual reassignment surgery. It is important to keep in mind that this does not indicate that we find issue with transgender women or transgender people in general, we do however believe that they would be better suited in alternative organizations.

Sincerely,

Lydia Petrello
President
Alpha Gamma Sorority

Please refer all questions and comments to:

[email protected]

Blog Entry

October 10 2019 / 02:19 AM EST
Posted By: HaileyGrl18197

Hey gals it’s your girl, Hailey. I know this blog has been quiet for like a week but it’s because I’ve been watching this whole Allison situation going on over at Bellcrest. As the president of AG, Van Buren chapter I have a few things to say about it and let’s be honest, some people aren’t going to like it. The first thing I want to say is that transgender women are women – there’s no arguing that fact and if you try to argue that with me then you’re a horrible human being. When I became president of Alpha Gamma here at Van Buren I like to think that I took a pledge similar to Allison’s. I pledged to uphold a bond and obligation to a sisterhood that would support me throughout the rest of my life, and I them. After watching her video I’m convinced that Allison Parsons was done a great injustice and she delivered a powerful speech. She knew that she wasn’t getting back in, you could see it in her face. So what does that mean for me exactly?

Given how many friends I have in the LGBT community I cannot simply stand by and remain silent as one of our own is cast aside as if she were nothing but a piece of garbage. Allison pledged to Alpha Gamma and in return, Alpha Gamma owed her their own pledge which they did not fulfill. They abandoned her and left her vulnerable and for that reason I am walking away from Alpha Gamma here in my senior year at Van Buren university. I would much rather face the collegiate landscape on my own than be associated with an organization that promotes hate. I call upon all of my Alpha Gamma sisters to do the same. Take #AllisonsPledge, #walkaway from Alpha Gamma.

Blog Entry

October 16 2019 / 07:37 AM PST
Posted By: BrendaLewis16

The ‘Allison’ Situation

As a teacher my job is to not only impart education but to ensure the well being of my students. In a way, a big way it is my personal opinion that the board of directors at Alpha Gamma harbor a similar obligation to the students that they allow to pledge to their organization. As an Alpha Gamma member from 1998 to 2002, I can relate to many of the sentiments conveyed by Allison during her speech to the board a few weeks ago. The implications of sisterhood, the lifelong bonds, the feeling of belonging, all of it resonates with me, and all of these are things that I walked away with upon graduating Ericsson University. The experiences that I gained there are second to none and can never be replaced; I applaud Ms. Parsons for recognizing the importance of those relationships and choosing them over and kind of submission to the AG leadership. Now with that being said, did Alpha Gamma do anything wrong? To really ascertain that we need to look into the facts:

Transgender Acceptance in Sororities

No matter what Alpha Gamma wants to think, what they did was not revolutionary. Omega Alpha Chi at the University of Kansas opened their doors to transgender applicants years ago (https://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/national/articl...) and so far it has gone smoothly. The implication as relayed to Allison was that the other sororities she rushed were angry about her insulting them by dressing as a woman. This would be a falsehood; their anger would stem from her presentation of decidedly false information. Allison Parsons is guilty of nothing more than being a confused transgender woman in a college setting. I can’t say I’ve been there, but I can certainly understand the social pressure.

Bid Extension and Acceptance

No matter what, Alpha Gamma cannot use the excuse that they didn’t ‘know’ Allison was transgender. They were very aware and they had accepted her as she was, otherwise there would not have been an appeal hearing. Allison accepted the bid and was inducted as a pledge into the ranks of Alpha Gamma as thousand of girls before her have been. Fundamentally she was no different and shouldn’t have been treated differently.

Lack of Investigation

The standard operating procedure for a situation of this nature would be for Panhellenic to launch an investigation prior to expelling Ms. Parsons from their organization even temporarily. To expel her permanently after a mere fifteen minutes of debate is not only absurd but immoral at best. In my opinion, Alpha Gamma embarked on a mission to appear as if they were the vanguards of equality but instead nearly destroyed Ms. Parsons on a whim. That itself is unconscionable.

Walking Away from Alpha Gamma

Over the last few days I have seen countless posts from sorority members across the nation, including a few high ranking Alpha Gamma officers announcing their intention to #walkaway from Alpha Gamma and to take #AllisonsPledge. I believe her pledge is important as it embodies everything that we are as sisters but I also believe that outright abandoning Alpha Gamma is a foolhardy move. Where will these displaced Greeks go? By walking away they lose much of the sisterhood that they love, and it is unlikely that they will be absorbed into other houses. In my opinion as a former Alpha Gamma sister, I believe it is more responsible to either work to bring about change, or to form an independent sorority organization using the resources and Assets of Alpha Gamma itself. Don’t #walkaway, inspire change. Nothing in history has ever been changed by tucking tail and running from the problem.

Synopsis: Watch the story from Brianna’s point of view as she receives an unexpected phone call.

My eyes shot open as I heard the phone ring. The room was bathed in darkness, still, and the clock beside my bed read 5:59 AM. Who in the actual hell was calling me at almost 6 in the morning? This was my day off, right? I checked the phone screen. Yep, Saturday. I squinted a bit, I knew the number. Why did I know that number? I swiped the answer icon and held the phone to my ear.

“Hello?” I said, doing my best impression of an ‘awake’ person.

“Hello Brianna,” I heard my mother’s voice from the other end of the phone. “It’s your mother.”

“Gathered that,” I said. “Why are you calling so early?”

“We have a problem,” She said to me. I could feel the tension in her voice. This had to be bad. “We need you to go pick your brother up from school. Just bring him to your house, he’s done.”

“Done?”

“I’m cancelling his tuition. You and I are in a conference call right now with Amber Geer.”

“Wait wait, hold on,” I sat straight up in bed. Thank god I was sleeping alone last night, I didn’t want to have to chase anyone out. “Amber Geer from Panhellenic?”

“Hi Brianna, it’s been a while,” Amber’s voice came from the other end of the phone. What the hell were they doing calling me at this hour? This was all so…random? Yeah that was the word I was looking for. Random. “As you know, this time of year all of our houses nationwide host Rush. It’s a weeklong event, where—”

“Amber I remember what Rush is, it hasn’t been that long,” I snapped. “What does this have to do with Miles exactly?”

“Your brother,” Mom said. “Decided to dress up as a girl and join the rush group. Not only that, he gave them a laundry list of false information and was dumb enough to put his real phone number on the application he filled out.”

Well that was weird, but it was college, right?

“So some kind of college prank? I mean we’ve had guys do that to a house,” I said. “It’s not like it’s anything new. Why would you pull his tuition over that?”

“He rushed every house.”

At this point I turned my bedside light on.

“Every house? You’re joking.”

“We decided to inform you first,” Amanda said. She sounded almost sympathetic. “Normally we would just let the school take care of it but because of who your family is, we wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Hold up,” I said. “If he rushed every house and gave his real phone number that means every house is going to be out for blood. Just one, not really a problem, but all of them? That’s going to get some blood boiling. It’s like….”

“Making a mockery of the Greek system,” My mother finished. “The Greek system that we poured our heart and souls into when we were that age. I don’t know about you, but I’m not happy.”

“I’m going down to his dorm right now,” I said hurridly. “I want to know what’s going on.”

“Okay but before you do that,” Amanda said. “We have Remy Francis from Alpha Gamma on the line.”

“He rushed Alpha Gamma?!” I practically screamed.

“I said every house,” Mom said very matter of factly. “I don’t know what you thought I meant by-“

“Let’s just get Remy on here,” I head a click as Amanda opened the line. “Remy, are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here, who are we on with?” Remy’s voice came in a little strained. It was way too early for her too.

“I have Brianna and Valerie Parsons, Miles parents. What did you want to speak with us about?”

“When we realized who Miles was and how his family was associated with us we did a lot of digging. I mean a LOT. We realized that Miles…might not be playing a prank. We used some fancy search algorithms and found him in a lot of transgender groups on Facebook, and he’s posted on quite a few forums. We…have a pretty complete picture.”

“A complete picture? What do you mean?” Mom demanded. “Are you saying he’s—”

“Yes, that’s what it looks like,” Remy said.

“Mom?” I said questioningly.

“I’m an educated woman,” She said. “I’m not going to discount the idea, but even if that were true, it’s still a potential expulsion. The other houses could report it has harassment, they could do…any number of things. I think we should pull him out of school before it escalates and turns our family into a laughing stock.”

“Maybe there’s another way,” I interjected. “I…kind of keep up on Alpha Gamma and I know you guys were thinking of opening your doors to transgender women.”

“We have thought about it, yes,” Amanda said thoughtfully. “But we just haven’t had the time and there are so many nuances. Like being able to trust-“

“If my brother is a transgender woman then you have your answer,” I said quickly. “He…she…would be a legacy. A member of an upstanding Alpha Gamma family going back generations. This is doable. It solves all of the problems. It helps to get your initiative off the ground and it makes it look like he…I mean she was seriously looking for a house.”

“So you’re saying you want your brother to join Alpha Gamma?” Remy didn’t sound opposed, more curious than anything.
“Yes,” I said. “If she’s a transgender woman, for real, then I want her protected and I can’t think of a better place for her than Alpha Gamma. I want this to happen.”

“This isn’t my decision alone,” Amanda said. “I’ll call you back in half an hour.”

“Yes, do that,” I said, as I hung up the phone.

I climbed out of bed, no use trying to go to sleep now. For a while I just wandered around my house in a daze. Downstairs I put a pot of coffee on and tapped the counter impatiently as I waited for my phone to ring again. The coffee poured from the machine and into the pot, and suddenly something occurred to me. I left the kitchen in a hurry, my long cotton robe trailing behind me like a cape as I tumbled up the stairs toward my bedroom.

I tore open my closer and sifted through the dresses until I came to it. Yeah, this one floral blue dress. Well, dark blue. This was weird to me because first of all, the sash was untied, I always tied the sashes when I hung my dresses up. It was just an OCD thing I guess. Then there was the fact that the front was facing the back of the closet. I always hung my dresses up with the front facing the door. I’d noticed it earlier and figured maybe I was losing my mind but maybe…maybe there was something else to it.

I quickly pulled the dress off the hanger and partially turned it inside out. Deodorant stains in the armpits. This definitely wasn’t just some one time prank, there was something serious going on here. I felt a quick twinge of pain for him. If he was really transgender, and if he had been hiding it, then I couldn’t even imagine the amount of pain that he had been in all this time. It was…astronomical. Before I could think about it too much, the phone rang. It was Panhellenic again. I answered.

“Yes?” I said.

“Hi Brianna, it’s Amanda again. I’m on with Remy and your mother. I just spoke with Tracey and the other board members. We’re going to give this a try.”

“You are?” I asked. I was shocked.

“Don’t sound so shocked,” Amanda said. “You know we’ve been trying to move in this direction for a while, this is just a really good opportunity. Like you said, a legacy from an affluent, upstanding family. If you can get h..her to pledge then you should be able to clean up the mess.”

“I can get her to pledge,” Remy interrupted. “We can just trick her into coming back by the house, I’ll say I have her book or something.”

“There are conditions,” Amanda said. Of course there were. “You’re going to be in charge of her, Brianna. I want you to move into the house, room with her. You’re her sister, you keep her under control.”

“I can do that,” I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me nod. “But I have a condition of my own.”

“What’s that?” Amanda asked.

”I want to take her pledge. When she says the words, I want her to say them to me.”

“That can be arranged,” Remy said. “We’re having the ceremony on Sunday; if you get up here before then I can have you walk up to her in line.”

“I’m on my way, right now,” I said, hanging up the phone. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist. “I’m so sorry Miles, I didn’t know.”